CWCki - User contributions [en]

6 June 2010

2012-09-20T00:02:53Z

Danooct1: /* Transcript */

[[Image:CWC drunk driving.png|thumb|A summary of the events of 4 June 2010.]]

'''June062010.MOV''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 6 [[June 2010]] wherein he discusses a plan he hatched while drinking to stalk [[Michael Snyder]] at the [[The GAMe PLACe]]. This is after mentioning less than a week ago that he was leaving the [[Internet]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|for the fourth time]].

In early June 2010, based off his own description, Chris was [[alcohol|at a bar]] in Charlottesville when he drove off to The GAMe PLACe to go after Michael Snyder, leading to a confrontation with a [[manager]] when Chris took out his camera and attempted to take pictures of Snyder. When several people came out of the store to confront him, Chris got back in his car and attempted to flee, nearly hitting Snyder twice as he attempted to block Chris's escape. [[jerkop|Two police officers]] present at the shopping center stopped the fracas, listened to both sides, and then let Chris off with a warning after making him delete the pictures he'd taken.

Chris, probably scared of their reaction, never told [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] anything at all about this major incident, and they did not know anything about until the [[Matthew Noble call]] two months later.

==Background==
On 6 June 2010, Michael Snyder commented on several Chris related [[YouTube]] videos:

{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|[[Michael Snyder]] on YouTube}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|**Do Not Believe Anything that has been posted On The Internet, Outside of This YouTube Account, as of May 28, 2010.

This Includes EVERYTHING that was said OUTSIDE of here, the Once Was [[Cwcipedia]] Before its Most Recent Hacking and my [[OKCupid]] Page.

[[Ego|I have spoken.]]

Have a good day,

Christian W. Chandler}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = June062010.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dMZAsb2ALIM}}
| stardate = 6 [[June 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumours|Rumors}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim}} The Happy Jack
| previous = [[100 2189]]
| next = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
}}

{{quote|I am not the villain! The trolls are the villains.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''sigh''] June 6, 2010. At this, uh, moment, I, uh, have an understanding that there are misconceptions and rumors being spread about me, which, uh, I would like to state, very- right off, that rumors- spread rumors about anybody, especially to make them look terrible, is just ''not cool''. But anyway, uh, first off, I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "''piddle'' my [[Chandler Cats|cats]]." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.

[''A long pause, where Chris seems about to speak several times.'']

[[Image:Tianasquare.jpg|thumb|200px|Michael Snyder in [[China|Tiananmen Square]]]]

Anyway. After that, let me tell you about, uh, what happened, uh... [''removes [[glasses]]''] ...last Friday at the, uh, fourth of June. Hm. Okay, so it was after- [[Fridays After Five]], I went over to a bar, and I had a [[Alcohol|Bud]]. A bottle of Bud. And I p- and then I played some solitaire on my [[DS]], while I- while I waited to the- uh, while I waited to the hour. But then, about, about three-quarters of an hour through, because I had a camera in my possession right then, I had the impulse of, "Hey, I'll go over to th- I'll go over to [[The GAMe PLACe|the PLACe]] and take a picture of Michael Snyder so that I can print it out later and [[CWC is Angry|use it as a dartboard]]." So then- so that- that's just basically what happened. So then I drove over to the parking lot, of the PLACe, in front of Staples, and then I made my way to the window to take a picture of ''him'', and nobody else. ...Right through the store window. Through the store window, just him. And that, uh, that, I was not alone there in front of the, uh, window, there was another dude who was apparently on his side and recognized me. He wanted to start a [[CWC Fighter|fight]], but, in a fi- in a fight or flee, I decided to flee. So I went to [[Son-Chu|my car]], the man ran in and got Michael, and then Michael ''jumped'' in front of my car. He jumped in front of my car. He- as a matter of fact, he jumped on to the top of my hood! He was looming over my windshield!

It was horrifying. So I backed my car up. I backed my car up. And I- and I backed it up to my r- to my right. Then I see that there was, like, a couple of [[Jerkop|police]] cars in front of me, so that was like the wrong way to go, I should have backed up the other way. But anyway. So, to go around them... I went to another... aisle, and I drove through that. And then, so then I- then I decided to make a left turn. Bad, bad m- bad move right there. 'Cause he jumped in front of my car again, risking his own life! I could have been going top speed! He was lucky he didn't get hurt, as far as I know! Though I did not run him over. Jumped in front of my car, so I back up. And then I tried going around. And then this- and then this woman, I don't know who- I do not know who the [[Chris and Censorship|blank]] she is, she jumps in front of my car, so I stop again. And then I started backing up, and then I get stuck from behind, and then I'm trapped. Between the, between police and Michael and whoever the hell this woman was. So then I sorted it out with the police, uh, they dele- they deleted the pictures, and, uh, and the wom- and then the woman... t- the woman came to me right up front and accused me of things, like, you know, [[Nudes|see- seeing naked pictures on me on the internet]], and then accused me of child pornography! [[Rule 34|''I'' am ''not''... a pornographer of any sort!]] And any [[Nudes|naked pictures]] of me on the internet were either tricked from me by the [[trolls]], or they s- deceived me, or I was blackmailed! And there ''were'' a number of blackmailings! As th- as they have sss- ratted themselves out, on the CWC- on their websites such as the [[CWCki]] or even the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage. Anyway, the... through- and also, uh, Michael just basically loomed into me, and he said, he just basically shouted from me, [[Death threats|"YOU'RE DEAD!]] [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|YOU'RE DEAD!"]] Right, if I had the right mind, I would send, I would give him a charge of verbal, serve him a charge of verbal harassment! But I was already under trouble for quote-unquote trespassing.

[''Another pause interspersed with attempts to speak.'']

And then, so, with that I told the police about... I reminded them, eventually, of- of the trolls of the internet that have, uh, been going against me, and so I warned them of websites such as the CWCki. ''And'' I named a troll or two. I'm not gonna say, uh, [[Clyde Cash|who I named]]. But anyway, they let me go with a- anyway I was let go with a warning, out of the parking lot. The point- th- the point is, the only pictures I was taking were of Michael Snyder. Nobody else! No children. ...I want to make that very clear. And also, I do not want any more rumors spread at all! It's bad enough you have to have ruined- you had to messed up my once-good name, and have to transfer it to real life. Which may, which, uh, I basically got that impression first-hand for practically the first time, so proved that theory, and it made me feel sad, because I am not the villain! The trolls are the villains. Because they spread- 'cause they troll me. They make up the crap. They exaggerate and/or twist around my truths. My spoken word. And they give me wrongful mislabelings. [[It's UGH!|I'm ''straight''!]] And they use damn Photoshop! To make it look like otherwise.

[''Another long lip-flapping pause.'']

So at this point, with my spacing myself away from the Internet, and I'm trying to put my name back at a [[Chris and English|clean state]], I p- I so- I put this unto everybody, and all people who look me up on the Internet. Do ''not'' believe ANYTHING... that- that's at all about me. Because I pretty much did away with my website, the CWCipedia...So do not believe anything that there is on the Internet about me. If you want clarification, send, uh, me an e-mail, or talk to me in person. I ''encourage'' talking to me in person. 'Cause then we can meet- 'cause then it will be face to face. And there is no better way of reflecting my [[Honest content|honesty]] to you, the general public, than face to face. ...I want to go back to [[PS3|a normal life]]. And one way I could do that, to help go back to do that, is to quell the bad reputation. So again, I encourage everybody who looks me up on the Internet, since there's nothing- since I have removed most everything about myself personally... don't believe anything on the Internet about me at this point. Don't believe anything on the Internet about me!

Christian Weston Chandler, [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], [[America|United States of America]]. I leave y'all with that, and I bid y'all... a good day or evening depending on the time zone.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2189]]|nextlink=[[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]}}
{{Videos about leaving the Internet}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-06]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

6 June 2010

2012-09-20T00:02:07Z

Danooct1: /* Transcript */

[[Image:CWC drunk driving.png|thumb|A summary of the events of 4 June 2010.]]

'''June062010.MOV''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 6 [[June 2010]] wherein he discusses a plan he hatched while drinking to stalk [[Michael Snyder]] at the [[The GAMe PLACe]]. This is after mentioning less than a week ago that he was leaving the [[Internet]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|for the fourth time]].

In early June 2010, based off his own description, Chris was [[alcohol|at a bar]] in Charlottesville when he drove off to The GAMe PLACe to go after Michael Snyder, leading to a confrontation with a [[manager]] when Chris took out his camera and attempted to take pictures of Snyder. When several people came out of the store to confront him, Chris got back in his car and attempted to flee, nearly hitting Snyder twice as he attempted to block Chris's escape. [[jerkop|Two police officers]] present at the shopping center stopped the fracas, listened to both sides, and then let Chris off with a warning after making him delete the pictures he'd taken.

Chris, probably scared of their reaction, never told [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] anything at all about this major incident, and they did not know anything about until the [[Matthew Noble call]] two months later.

==Background==
On 6 June 2010, Michael Snyder commented on several Chris related [[YouTube]] videos:

{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|[[Michael Snyder]] on YouTube}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|**Do Not Believe Anything that has been posted On The Internet, Outside of This YouTube Account, as of May 28, 2010.

This Includes EVERYTHING that was said OUTSIDE of here, the Once Was [[Cwcipedia]] Before its Most Recent Hacking and my [[OKCupid]] Page.

[[Ego|I have spoken.]]

Have a good day,

Christian W. Chandler}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = June062010.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dMZAsb2ALIM}}
| stardate = 6 [[June 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumours|Rumors}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim}} The Happy Jack
| previous = [[100 2189]]
| next = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
}}

{{quote|I am not the villain! The trolls are the villains.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''sigh''] June 6, 2010. At this, uh, moment, I, uh, have an understanding that there are misconceptions and rumors being spread about me, which, uh, I would like to state, very- right off, that rumors- spread rumors about anybody, especially to make them look terrible, is just ''not cool''. But anyway, uh, first off, I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "''piddle'' my [[Chandler Cats|cats]]." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.

[''A long pause, where Chris seems about to speak several times.'']

[[Image:Tianasquare.jpg|thumb|200px|Michael Snyder in [[China|Tiananmen Square]]]]

Anyway. After that, let me tell you about, uh, what happened, uh... [''removes [[glasses]]''] ...last Friday at the, uh, fourth of June. Hm. Okay, so it was after- [[Fridays After Five]], I went over to a bar, and I had a [[Alcohol|Bud]]. A bottle of Bud. And I p- and then I played some solitaire on my [[DS]], while I- while I waited to the- uh, while I waited to the hour. But then, about, about three-quarters of an hour through, because I had a camera in my possession right then, I had the impulse of, "Hey, I'll go over to th- I'll go over to [[The GAMe PLACe|the PLACe]] and take a picture of Michael Snyder so that I can print it out later and [[CWC is Angry|use it as a dartboard]]." So then- so that- that's just basically what happened. So then I drove over to the parking lot, of the PLACe, in front of Staples, and then I made my way to the window to take a picture of ''him'', and nobody else. ...Right through the store window. Through the store window, just him. And that, uh, that, I was not alone there in front of the, uh, window, there was another dude who was apparently on his side and recognized me. He wanted to start a [[CWC Fighter|fight]], but, in a fi- in a fight or flee, I decided to flee. So I went to [[Son-Chu|my car]], the man ran in and got Michael, and then Michael ''jumped'' in front of my car. He jumped in front of my car. He- as a matter of fact, he jumped on to the top of my hood! He was looming over my windshield!

It was horrifying. So I backed my car up. I backed my car up. And I- and I backed it up to my r- to my right. Then I see that there was, like, a couple of [[Jerkop|police]] cars in front of me, so that was like the wrong way to go, I should have backed up the other way. But anyway. So, to go around them... I went to another... aisle, and I drove through that. And then, so then I- then I decided to make a left turn. Bad, bad m- bad move right there. 'Cause he jumped in front of my car again, risking his own life! I could have been going top speed! He was lucky he didn't get hurt, as far as I know! Though I did not run him over. Jumped in front of my car, so I back up. And then I tried going around. And then this- and then this woman, I don't know who- I do not know who the [[Chris and Censorship|blank]] she is, she jumps in front of my car, so I stop again. And then I started backing up, and then I get stuck from behind, and then I'm trapped. Between the, between police and Michael and whoever the hell this woman was. So then I sorted it out with the police, uh, they dele- they deleted the pictures, and, uh, and the wom- and then the woman... t- the woman came to me right up front and accused me of things, like, you know, [[Nudes|see- seeing naked pictures on me on the internet]], and then accused me of child pornography! [[Rule 34|''I'' am ''not''... a pornographer of any sort!]] And any [[Nudes|naked pictures]] of me on the internet were either tricked from me by the [[trolls]], where they s- deceived me, or I was blackmailed! And there ''were'' a number of blackmailings! As th- as they have sss- ratted themselves out, on the CWC- on their websites such as the [[CWCki]] or even the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage. Anyway, the... through- and also, uh, Michael just basically loomed into me, and he said, he just basically shouted from me, [[Death threats|"YOU'RE DEAD!]] [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|YOU'RE DEAD!"]] Right, if I had the right mind, I would send, I would give him a charge of verbal, serve him a charge of verbal harassment! But I was already under trouble for quote-unquote trespassing.

[''Another pause interspersed with attempts to speak.'']

And then, so, with that I told the police about... I reminded them, eventually, of- of the trolls of the internet that have, uh, been going against me, and so I warned them of websites such as the CWCki. ''And'' I named a troll or two. I'm not gonna say, uh, [[Clyde Cash|who I named]]. But anyway, they let me go with a- anyway I was let go with a warning, out of the parking lot. The point- th- the point is, the only pictures I was taking were of Michael Snyder. Nobody else! No children. ...I want to make that very clear. And also, I do not want any more rumors spread at all! It's bad enough you have to have ruined- you had to messed up my once-good name, and have to transfer it to real life. Which may, which, uh, I basically got that impression first-hand for practically the first time, so proved that theory, and it made me feel sad, because I am not the villain! The trolls are the villains. Because they spread- 'cause they troll me. They make up the crap. They exaggerate and/or twist around my truths. My spoken word. And they give me wrongful mislabelings. [[It's UGH!|I'm ''straight''!]] And they use damn Photoshop! To make it look like otherwise.

[''Another long lip-flapping pause.'']

So at this point, with my spacing myself away from the Internet, and I'm trying to put my name back at a [[Chris and English|clean state]], I p- I so- I put this unto everybody, and all people who look me up on the Internet. Do ''not'' believe ANYTHING... that- that's at all about me. Because I pretty much did away with my website, the CWCipedia...So do not believe anything that there is on the Internet about me. If you want clarification, send, uh, me an e-mail, or talk to me in person. I ''encourage'' talking to me in person. 'Cause then we can meet- 'cause then it will be face to face. And there is no better way of reflecting my [[Honest content|honesty]] to you, the general public, than face to face. ...I want to go back to [[PS3|a normal life]]. And one way I could do that, to help go back to do that, is to quell the bad reputation. So again, I encourage everybody who looks me up on the Internet, since there's nothing- since I have removed most everything about myself personally... don't believe anything on the Internet about me at this point. Don't believe anything on the Internet about me!

Christian Weston Chandler, [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], [[America|United States of America]]. I leave y'all with that, and I bid y'all... a good day or evening depending on the time zone.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2189]]|nextlink=[[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]}}
{{Videos about leaving the Internet}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-06]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2012-08-08T06:49:45Z

Danooct1: /* Transcript */

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Adipem goddammit'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]] ([[Solid Chris]]) mostly consists of him trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Chris loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]], Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Chris of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Chris whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Chris to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' [[Kim]] and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ...Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am. You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! Why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barbara called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barbara and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barbara that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 '''Liquid:''' Alright.
 [''tape runs out'']

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/?08ro202hlz9pzlk the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2012-08-08T06:48:19Z

Danooct1: /* Transcript */

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Adipem goddammit'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]] ([[Solid Chris]]) mostly consists of him trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Chris loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]], Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Chris of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Chris whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Chris to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' [[Kim]] and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ...Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am. You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! Why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barbara called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barbara and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barbara that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 '''Liquid:''' Alright.
 [''tape runs out'']

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/?08ro202hlz9pzlk the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Masturbating and squirtin'

2012-04-08T22:15:12Z

Danooct1: fixed ED links to new .se domain

{{quote|Every Person is Doing it!! Aahhhhhhhh...Relief... :)|Chris [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|during his editing sessions on ED.]]}}

'''Masturbating and squirtin'''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris's]] response to [[Evan|Evan's]] fanart. Although his reaction is typically [[Homos|homophobic]], note that he takes no offense to the accusations of [[racism]].

[[Image:Chrisreply1evan.png|thumb|right|For a larger view of the second "fanart" image, [[:Image:detailsonichurule34.png|click here]].]]

==Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg==

{{quoteboxred|
[Evan's e-mail, his address is not shown.]

This is some fanart of Sonichu my friends and I have drawn. I hope you enjoy it!

[schu girlfriend auditions.jpg - An image of a happy, cartoonish Chris sitting at a table with two signs, one saying "GIRLFRIEND AUDITIONS" and the other saying "NO DARKIES".]

[sonichu rule 34.PNG - A comic in which Chris whines to Sonichu about not having a girlfriend. Sonichu feels sad for Chris, and gives Chris a peck on the cheek. Chris is shocked, but Sonichu hushes Chris and says, "We need this." In the last panel, Sonichu is fucking Chris in the ass, the latter excited beyond belief about finally losing his virginity and soon getting to brag about it on [[YouTube]].]

[sonichu rule 34 2.jpg - A picture of Sonichu masturbating while saying "NO DARKIES, JERKOP!". Credits are listed as 'Bui Anon, © Anon 2007']

[sonichu fanart.gif - Chris and another [http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Blazesonic Sonic-Pikachu hybrid] waving their fists and glaring at each other.]}}

{{quotebox|
"CWCSonichu@aol.com" to [Evan]

Thank you for your fanart contributions. In constructive criticism, I like the one with me and the "Girlfriend Auditions," as well as my glaring in the eyes of the blue guy.

But I AM FEELING GREAT DETEST TOWARDS THE OTHER TWO; Sonichu and I are NOT of that nature at all!!!!! If you would like to make it up to me, though, please draw a strip of Rosechu stripping for Sonichu, and have him f*** her, and draw Rosechu '''masturbating and squirtin'''' [emphasis added].

[[Homo|I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT!!!!]] I WILL NOT BE VEERED IN ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!

Again, MOST Nasty Fanarts ARE NOT APPRECIATED AT ALL; please feel free to share that quote with the rest of the fans.

Sincerely;
Christian Weston Chandler.

[Chris includes a picture in the email of him and Sonichu looking angry. Sonichu appears to be waving his hand awkwardly.]

We're Keeping Track.}}

[[Image:Chrisreplyevan2.PNG|thumb|right]]

==Transcript of Chrisreplyevan2.PNG==

{{quotebox|
"CWCSonichu@aol.com" to [Evan]

Thank You Very MUCH!!! You just saved me a lot of trouble on sorting out the pics from the hellish embelishment of my person that I am certain you are in on.

[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Chris-chan Chris-chan - Encyclopedia Dramatica]}}

{{quoteboxred|
[Evan's e-mail address is erased] to CWCSonichu

What! What a horrible page. I'm sorry!

I must wonder how they got pictures of our e-mails! I hope no one's hacking my e-mail account...}}

[[Image:Chrisreply3.PNG|thumb|right]]

==Transcript of Chrisreply3.PNG==

{{quotebox|
"CWCSonichu@aol.com" to [Evan]

Do me a favor, draw a VAGINA on my Rosechu; Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' [[Pickle|PICKLE]]!!!! IF I SEE ONE MORE FREAKIN' PICKLE, AND YOU MAY SPREAD THIS QUOTE TO OTHER ADULT FAN ARTISTS, [[Soul Calibur|I WILL CREATE '''YOU''' IN SOUL CALIBUR III AND BEAT '''YOU''' UP LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!!!]]}}

[[Image:Rosechu with pickles.PNG|thumb| Evan's eventual response to the whole issue]]

{{Template:Emails}}

[[Category:Trolls]][[Category:E-mails]]

Chris and the law

2012-04-03T00:25:37Z

Danooct1: /* Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkops|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best, and dangerously naïve at worst . He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> and has attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit...while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and commit assault with a [[Megatron Pistol|deadly weapon]] upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[Tobacky|smoking]].<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person (i.e. anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the [[Target]] incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting," whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==

===2004===
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with [[Jerkop|mall security]].

In his [[Calling Out|three new videos]] posted after 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the [[trolls]] threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused [[Michael Snyder]] of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (aka pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Michael Snyder did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PS3]], numerous children's [[toys]] and the five or so dollars in Chris's bank account.

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and two misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''third'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. Only time will tell if Chris's latest skirmish with law enforcement will be the end of it all. In any case, it appears that the Virginia justice system has finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris has found both himself and his [[barb|mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. While it's debatable as to what Snyder could actually win from Chris, it may very well be the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats.

===2012===

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of [[28 October 2011]], officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a [[Jerkop]]. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the Game Place, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approach him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On [[28 October 2011]], Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, ill-health and dependent son will probably earn her clemency.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure [[autistic]] logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, so he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[Jerks|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the most ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the [[Wikipedia:Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], specifically [[Wikipedia:Freedom of Speech|Freedom of Speech]].

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==
Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. [[Smoking]] or drinking [[alcohol]] would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as [[CWCville]] uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] has shown no less than four grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[terrorism]] as Chris heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

CWC's Diary

2012-03-28T01:20:31Z

Danooct1:

{{quote|My life sucks.|Entry for 2 March 2004}}

[[File:127539439799.jpg|thumb|"My Dad is blood-thirsty for revenge as well."]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has stated that he keeps (or has kept) a '''diary''', although little is known about its format. Chris may be referring to his various blogs on sites like [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]], or he may be referring to a ''physical'' book that he actually writes in.

Entries from this diary that he has put on the [[Internet]] have provided the greatest insight into Chris's world from [[2004]]-[[2007]], particularly events involving his [[Love Quest]] that would inspire the [[Sub-Episodes]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]]. However, by mid-[[2008]] Chris had deleted his MySpace and virtually all references to these diary entries...except the ones he put on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], which never forgets.

==Entries==
===2004===
Well, here it is, [[2004|Y2K4 (2004)]]! My one resolution is to get myself a matching [[girlfriend]]. Rather it will happen is somethingelse. I plan to try again at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].

'''6 January:''' Today, I had an appointment with my optometrist, and big half-brother, Dr. [[David Alan Chandler]], for an Eye-Exam. I needed new lenses, but I can keep my [[Pedo-Glasses|current frames]]. But apparently, he has an 8-year-old daughter, [[Savannah]]. So for about 8 years, I’ve been an uncle and didn’t know it. Of course, this also makes my parents into grandparents as well. Needless to say, we were happy to know about that. :D<ref>In November 2007, Chris accompanies this entry with a picture of him wearing glasses, with the caption ""Yes, ''I WEAR GLASSES''; I have been since Groundhog Day, [[1998]], because I am Nearsighted"</ref>

'''31 January:''' Well, it’s the end of another month, and I still don’t have a girlfriend. Maybe my latest idea, the ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' newsletter, will make the ladies take notice of me. Next stop: my Birthmonth, February (I’ll be 22 on the 24th this year)..

'''9 February:''' [[Mary Lee Walsh]] made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM VERY ANGRY AT THAT XXXXX! In response, [[Chris and reality|I plan to incite the masses]], and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on getting a girlfriend can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!

'''2 March:''' That XXXXX, Mary Lee Walsh, got on my, and my parents’, nerves! She played SOCIAL DIRECTOR, and tried to frame me, just to giver her an excuse to boot me out of PVCC! All I’ve been doing was trying to get a girlfriend… IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! I am very devastated, due to my SHATTERED HEART that XXXXX caused unto me! My life sucks.

'''29 April:''' Sonichu and I were featured in the PVCC newsletter, the FORUM, but still nothing. Oh, to become popular and to get a girlfriend is very hard. My [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] MAY help me next month… GOOD LUCK.

I did get to rub my [[Nintendo Power]] FAME in the [[Mary Lee Walsh|XXXXX’s]] face! Heh-heh!<ref>In November 2007 Chris added: "Enough OLD angst against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME..."</ref>

Well, it’s another month; still no girlfriend. But I have a NEW idea that I am sure will [[Chris and rape|REEL in a girlfriend]] on a FATEFUL [[Anime|RED STRING]].

'''5 August:''' I’ve had my worst trip to the Mall. I was working with my Heart on a [[Red String of Fate]], when from out the blue, a [[Jerkop|JERK COP]] shatter my [[heart level|Heart]] and ripped up the Red String! I am very mad and upset, because that JERK [[Chris and English|took my idea for a fall]], just like that XXXXX at PVCC did! >(

'''4 September:''' While I was at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]], for the 8th week today, I realized something: since I have been using a [[sign]] to state my being single & lonesome towards an 18-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE woman]], I, in the event, was trying to [[Wikipedia:Prostitution|sell myself like a new car]]. I may be able to [[Carlos Chantor|put that idea to good use]].

'''6 September:''' At the mall on this Labor Day, I was taking another go on my [[Love Quest]]. I told that JERK COP off when I pulled some of my Fun Cards and told my [[virgin with rage|Lonesome Virgin]] story, intimidated him and shouted “NO” into his face. In short, today was my Independence Kay, but I am still alone.

'''11 September:''' I was not bothering anyone at the mall today while I was trying to “Sell myself,” when I got ARRESTED for trying; I fortunately did not go to Jail. But I have been stripped of my right to go to the Mall by myaelf; I would be required to bring my Mom or [[Dad]] with me. My independence, and my SOUL, were practically MURDERED. (8(

'''16 September:''' I got SUSPENDED FROM [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] by the Board, and I have that Meddling XXXXX to thank for this as well. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|I am SUPER ANGRY! >8(]] My Dad is blood-thirsty for revenge as well. He’s going to write to US PRESIDENT, [[George W. Bush|George W. Bush Jr.]], and Laura Bush, to help me get allowed back to PVCC. [[Death threats|WE ALL CURSE DEATH]] upon that XXXXX, Mary Lee Walsh! >8(

'''26 September:''' It’s been over a week since my SUSPENSION; I am DEPRESSED, LONELY, SAD and BORED! I have nowhere to go to attract a Boyfriend-Free woman. I’ll be writing to [[Santa Clause]] this year, hoping that will bring me one. (8(

===2005===
'''29 March:''' Well, at the mall today, my heart had a extremly fast recovery, then it became Majorly Shattered again. I went to the mall, like normal, I picked up some chicken nuggets and a drink, then I went to my spot. I pulled up a chair to sit and eat my food on. Then, from out of the blue, this cute girl approached me, and she asked me if I was looking for a Girlfriend (Her name was [[Hanna]], and she was 18-Years Old). I said yes, and we small-talked for a bit. Then she invited me over to Starbucks for coffee. After she left, I became very excited and “Oh My God” all over! After calling Mom, and eatingmy nuggets, [[English|I lefted]] the chair with such cheer and grace, and spun around with it like a dancer. Then I put it back where itwas. I felt that my [[Love Quest]] had finally come to an end, and I so elated that my Shattered Heart had a full, fast recovery. I went to Starbucks, and we talked about basic things. I showed her my [[Sonichu Scrapbook]]; she was very impressed. I gaver my E-Mail, and both my Phone Numbers, on a “Sonichu Site” card, and she gave me her E-Mail address. I was very attentive as I took notes about her, and maintained eye-contact. As I left her, I gave a “Double-Take” flirt. That was the rise; now here comes the fall. As I was sitting at my spot, thinking about future steps for later dates, [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and Dana told me that when they talked to Hanna, she told them that she was setting me up in a prank. I could not believe it, so I found and asked Hanna. Sadly, it was true. Then in major shock, my heart [[Heart level|Shattered again by 85%]], and I let out a big “NOOOOOOOO!”

So, my Love Quest has restarted, and as for that date of ours, I’ll always remember it, but as far as I’m concerned, it doesnot count as my First Date. I was not as happy, as I was today, in a long time. I am once again Heart-Shattered and sad, but I will not give up on my Love Quest, because there has to be One True Boyfriend-Free, Datable, Non-Pranking Girl out there somewhere!<ref>Chris adds in November 2007: "After that shout, I got kicked out AGAIN, and I'm still without the Fashion Square Shopping Centere that I've grown accustomed to after my whole life."</ref>

'''22 June:''' Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the McDonald’s at Wal-Mart, and apparently complaints were made. The two [[manajerks]], a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[B-Manajerk|Black, Fat Jerk]] (he looked a lot like the leader of the Jerkops at the Mall, whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl, like I have been doing for the past over one-year and ten-months. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the [[Jerkops]] came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the [[B-Manajerk]] was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [sic] to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my [[car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. I needed someone to talk to, so I went to the mall and talked to [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]. She was a positively great help. She listened attentively, and she gave me a terriffic [sic] suggestion, tell my One-Year and Ten-Month Old Story to the Daily Progress. It was such a great idea, because I could bad-mouth those Jerks, as well as the Jerkops, [[ScotPalazzo|Scott Manajer]], and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Also, with my story, I may actually attract an 18-23-Year Old Boyfriend-Free, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl.

So I dashed home and printed a second copy of my diary, and dashed to the office; the Female Reporters were in a meeting, so I left a message on an answering machine, thanks to the secretary who helped me. I’ll go back there tomorrow afternoon and try again, unless she calls me before then. Now, I feel sad, because I have nowhere else to go to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl, and I feel very furious with those Manajerks and all Men other than myself and my father. Also, the top reason for me detesting those JERKS was that they all have taken all the pretty girls, leaving me with none. That reason is now the numbertwo reason. The new number one reason is they ALL are AGAINST me in finding a Girlfriend of my own. But I will not give up on my long and teidous [sic] Love Quest; I’ll find a new Attraction Spot, somewhere in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]]. There has to be at least one 18-23-Year Old Boyfriend-Free, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl out there somewhere.

'''20 July:''' … I was at the new [[Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do. Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. [[gay|A thousand pounds of sausages]] on [[Obesity#Denial|my 180 pound body]] was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl. They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my family. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall. So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my mother and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[humor|funny]] it was).

==References==
<references/>

[[Category: Historical Documents]]
[[Category: Journals]]

Autism

2012-03-25T18:01:52Z

Danooct1: /* Chris's symptoms */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Auti.PNG|thumb|Odd that he respects [[Chris and copyright|trademarks]] when he feels like it...]]
{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}
{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}
{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATcI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]
::''For the song, see [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].''
'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[100 2178|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris, in typical Chris fashion, not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his ego|special significance]], but also seems to think that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism. Because, y'know, everything to do with Chris has to be [[slow-in-the-minds|special]]. Because he's autistic, Chris is, naturally, better than everyone else (because having autism automatically makes him a genius), and everyone should acknowledge how utterly brilliant he is. At the same time, Chris is not responsible for anything he ever does wrong, because he is autistic and that means it's not his fault if he [[Twin Falling Towers|does]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|stupid]] [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|things]].

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; i.e., high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, fluent speech, and about-average intellect. This lets Chris have it both ways: you can't blame him for his failures because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's retarded because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, even the most casual of observers would conclude that Chris is basically non-functioning.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also described them with extremely cruel and derisive terms, calling them "WINDOWS TO HELL" and compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-Nazi he is.

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.<ref>[[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_Chan_on_sticking_things_up_b.2A.2A.2Ahole.|Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Bob|his]] [[Barb|parents]], has never had a real girlfriend, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|shits his pants]] on a semi-regular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Still, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]] amongst many others, yet he has failed to do anything with his life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are utterly his fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID.|[[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]]}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "[[Chris and Religion|God]] put the mute button on me." Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Autism Characteristics]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far, far more likely that one or both of Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development.

It is not currently clear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrative Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g., throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's [[Chris and Rape|tactful and sensitive]] comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger Syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [[wikipedia:Missing white woman syndrome|"Missing White Woman Syndrome"]], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular (albeit idiotic) guy with a few "eccentricities" (more like psychotic), or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|left|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not Ian Brandon Anderson and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. While autistic people can have problems with social cues such as sarcasm, thus being gullible at times, Chris is much more gullible than other autistics, let alone ones that are high-functioning. This is more due to his [[naive|inexperience]]. One need only see his extensive [[list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his pinkeye and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref>.

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13 year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them. It should be noted that the two have entirely different skin colors.

*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing relationships. Many neurotypical people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
**In the [[Jackie E-mails 23|final exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to Jackie's frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by telling her she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; While he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Other compulsive and repetitive behavior common with autism is strict following of rules, and near OCD like organization. Chris however, lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy, unorganized house,]] makes comics with dialog bubbles in inappropriate places; and a very inconsistent plot, and disobeys the [[Chris and the law|law]] when it inconveniences him.

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor Roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not talking out of his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[continuity#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris's given reasons for his love of [[My Little Pony]] are also indicative of autism. Autistics are drawn to physical sensations which give them a feeling of being 'grounded', and this is probably why Chris finds stroking the hair of these toys so "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|therapeutic]]".

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has an evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PS3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects, though this symptom is seen much more in children with autism.

*Chris also appears to have echolalia, a common symptom of autism. This means that he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. In some instances, he calls this [[Random access humor|"humor"]].

*One of the biggest symptoms of autism Chris displays is his fear and resistance to change, well beyond the point that it could be even related to his autism. Chris is reluctant to get or even look for a job as he has only worked [[Chris's resume|four months in his entire life,]] has never come close to moving out, has a very hard time selling or giving up his toys or shirts, wouldn't stick to a diet and exercise program, [[attraction sign|doesn't try new ways to attract women,]] and has a very hard time coping with his banishment from [[the GAMe PLACe]]--where he would usually spend his Fridays. This might be resistance to change of his old life style of just going to school and coming home and playing video games, him trying to remain a child, or fear of failure. More than likely though this more to the fact that Chris is lazy, fat, selfish, naive, incompetent, refuses to grow up, and refuses to accept responsibility.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.

Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex is too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|the disorder did not even exist before he was born]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he stated that our society is spending so much time on the internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with little to no social contact shouldn't attempt social commentary.
That, and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. More recently he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents (Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived) are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref>

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In more recent years (specifically, during [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009), he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered on Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's [sic] optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed urban myth alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up - in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a higher (in his eyes, superior) tier of the spectrum.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is [[List of Chris's lies|the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.]]

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained his autism and is back to [[Chris on Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. Or he forgot that he even had the above conversation and is just retarded.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend) he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but to live a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics", you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so in reality he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics than himself "windows into hell"<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> and regards them with [[Chris and Hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]]. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Episode_19#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even for [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can be speculated from this that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem very unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel", that is to say it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window onto hell".

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic ]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Chris's resume

2012-03-15T09:38:20Z

Danooct1: /* Analysis */

On 9 [[September 2009]], '''Chris's résumé''' finally surfaced onto the Internet, through the effort of a troll with a friend who worked in an HR department.

== Analysis ==

As is to be expected, for someone with [[Chris and art|no discernible skills]] and extremely limited work experience, the résumé is less than impressive. No less than three times Chris pads his résumé by claiming his "volunteer work" for Pokémon league events at [[The Game Place]] and other locations as actual work experience (when in reality he had no authority, and in fact was himself closely monitored by the actual employees).

Chris's résumé includes a few points where he talks about his desire to work for a comics publisher, such as DC or Archie. However, it's unlikely that Chris has sent any work or a résumé to either company, likely simply uploading it to Monster and waiting for others to contact him (not unlike his [[attraction sign]]). He is seemingly unaware or unwilling to accept that the industry standard for a professional graphic designer (working for DC or Archie) is not only a well-organized portfolio demonstrating samples of his work but also a bachelor's degree in Graphic Design and demonstrated proficiency in accepted design software such as Adobe Creative Suite. Non-art work experience is rarely considered unless it is mentioned as an essential part of the job description.

His "quick construction skills from scratch" (especially considering that he's referring to constructing decks in a children's card game) would mean nothing in interviewing for the very job he seeks to obtain. Indeed it would be of no interest to any other potential employer, for that matter.

The resume also has a number of CWC style butcheries of well known phrases, such as "Elbow-greased strength" which only serve to make it most nonsensical.

Furthermore, while the field for "job objectives" offers three lines for a succinct answer, Chris, typical of his [[CWCipedia|rambling style]], attaches three extra ''pages'' of useless junk, thus ensuring that any potential employer will not make any efforts to read the entire résumé.

= The résumé =

The following is Chris's complete résumé, as it is posted on the popular résumé website [[Wikipedia:Monster.com|Monster.com]], with only minor edits for wiki styling.

==Contact Info==

"[[Christopher's name change|Christopher]]" [[Christian Weston Chandler]] 
[[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct.]], [[Ruckersville, VA]] 22968-9545 
Home: 434-990-0198
Cell: 434-760-0848 
[[CWCipedia|Cwcipedia]]/CWC’s Sonichu and Rosechu Site! 
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page]

==Objectives==

I wish to make my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] franchise Official, with getting me paper published at [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie]], [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], [[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]] or [[Wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse Comics]], with continuing work as Comic Book Artist and Story Creator/Editor, good pay, eventual Official Sonichu and Rosechu Merchandise that I, personally, can officially sign-off on and further enforce my nine-year-old copyright with a more peaceful future. (See attached pages for more info).

==Experience==
''[Note: for some reason, Chris listed each experience with an "Experience" heading. It is unknown why Chris did this, but for the sake of clarity, all job experience is collated into one heading.]''

Date of Employment: March 17, [[2000]] – Current 
(Self) C.W.C. Comics 
Ruckersville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Drawing, writing, coloring and story-telling the continuing adventures of Sonichu, Rosechu and myself from life, creating from scratch and setting up the first original Sonichu Site, [[CWC’s Sonichu Site]], as well as its sibling sites.
* Functional Skills: [[Chris and art|Great hand-drawing skills]], [[Chris and writing|story-telling and editing]], building design from Computer Aided Drafting and Design ([[CADD]]), quick touch-typing skills, great Photoshop experiences, good HTML skills.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, [[2003]] – September, 2003 
[[Cutco]] Cutlery 
[[Charlottesville, VA]] 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Salesman of their fine [[Pocket knife|cutlery]] with the patented double-d edges.
* Functional Skills: Good people/social skills, great memorization of the salesman routine (won my boss over greatly with that memorizing).
* Transferable Skills: Good people/social skills, memorizing and swift learning.

Date of Employment: August, [[2001]] – [[Lies|October, 2001]]<ref>In the [[Father Call]], Chris tells Kacey's Father that on September 11th he was shopping with his mother because he had ''just'' been fired from Wendy's.</ref> 
[[Wendy's|Wendys]]''[sic]'' Restaurant 
Ruckersville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Cleaning trays, tables and carpet/tile flooring, keeping the place neat and serving the customers with kind, understanding help.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: March, [[1998]] ''[sic]''<ref>The Pokémon trading card game wasn't released in North America until December 1998, and its official league wasn't founded until the following year.</ref> – June, [[2000]] 
[[Wikipedia:Books-a-Million|Books-a-Million]] 
[[Wikipedia:Midlothian,_VA|Midlothian, VA]] 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pokémon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also [[Pedofork|watched over the children]] as I have played with them in the Pokémon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, 2000 – June, [[2002]] 
Toys “R” Us 
Charlottesville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pokémon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pokémon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, 2002 – June, [[2007]] 
[[The GAMe PLACe|The (Game & Hobby) Place]] 
Charlottesville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pokémon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pokémon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

==School Experience==

===Professional Education===

Dates of Attendance: 9/1/1996 to 6/15/2000
[[Manchester High School]]
Chesterfield County, Virginia

* High School Diploma with [[Honor Roll]] Grades.
* Honor Roll Star Pin awarded at Graduation.
* Certificate for serving on the varsity basketball team during my freshman year.

===Academic Education===

Dates of Attendance: August, 2000 to 6/1/2006
[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
Charlottesville, Virginia

* Made the Dean’s List with Honor Roll Grades
* Computer Aided Drafting and Design, CADD, Associates Degree
* Computer Aided Drafting and Design, CADD, Career Studies Certificate

==References==

Susan Hannifan

* PVCC Guidance Counsoler
* 501 College Dr. Charlottesville, VA 22902
* 434-961-5281
* shannifan@pvcc.edu

Reverend Elizabeth Foss

* Pastor of [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]
* 1901 Thomson Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22903
* 434-296-6976
* elizabethfoss22@earthlink.net

[[Rocky|Rocky Shoemaker]]

* Pastoral Counsoler
* 1901 Thomson Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22903
* 434-966-9636
* revrocky48@gmail.com

Tony Wayne

* Physics Teacher at Albemarle High School/Volunteer Pokémon TCG League Gym Leader
* 2275 Hydraulic Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22901
* 434-975-9300 Ext. 60265
* vastphysics@comcast.net

==Job Objective, Full Story==

I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], Birth name: [[Christopher]], born on February 24, [[1982]] in [[Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]], am an artist with vast experiences in multiple art classes with multiple media throughout my whole lifetime from Green County Primary School to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Piedmont Virginia Community Collge]], with a diploma from [[Manchester High School]] and a degree and certificate in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] (CADD) from PVCC.

Since the inspiration and conception of [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]] on March 17, [[2000]], I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books. I also have had and passed two HTML classes, and created from notepad scratch, [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC’s PokéSite 2!, El PokéSite de R.W.C.]] ([[Ricardo]] Weston Chandler was my Spanish nickname given to me during my two years of Spanish in Manchester High), and most importantly, the First and Original website dedicated to Sonichu, Rosechu and their adventures, [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|CWC’s Sonichu Site]].

I was also noted twice later in the periodicals of [[Nintendo Power]] magazine and PVCC’s The Forum for being the original creator of Sonichu and all. (See Periodical References below)

With the Sonichu [[Chris and English#Spelling|Stie]] originally located at http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm, it stayed online from about [[2000]] until early [[2009]], whereas my Sonichu and Rosechu fanbase has grown massively over the years; there were also internet bullies and [[trolls]]. And the trolls hacked into and compromised my original Tripod webhosting account. I’ve had to pull the plug on the Tripod account and move on to another webhosting site. The second webhosting account suffered the same fate as the first, and then I moved to GoDaddy. It got hacked too, and so I pulled the plug on all my websites late May, 2009. I stayed off for about two months, then a gal-pal of mine about that time set up for me a start of what is now the New Original CWC’s Sonichu and Rosechu Site; the wikipedia-styled [[Cwcipedia]] at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page. As I have done on the previous site, I have re-uploaded my Sonichu comic pages, and I am steadily expanding further with more stories and character bio pages.

I would like to be paper-published with a comic book company like Archie, Marvel, DC or Dark Horse comics, complete with Official Sonichu and Rosechu Merchandise I can personally sign-off on to follow for my Worldwide [[Fanbase]].

Accept no imposturous substitutes who claim to be me or have any rights on my Sonichu and Rosechu stuff; I stand strong with my continued use of the Copyright © symbol on each of all my books and original singular art pieces and the date of creation of March 17, 2000. I have eye-witnesses at Manchester High of Sonichu’s conception and creation on that date. It also bothers me that the trolls are even selling bootleg copies of my Life DVD, [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Christian Weston Chandler. Yep…I’m On T.V.]], which was originally intent solely for family and close friend distribution. Trust one of the trolls to snag a copy and rip the vieos from the six-hour DVD-R.

I became famous without having to leave my house or go out-of-state or city.

After recent realization, on about July 17, [[2009]], of what I want to do, I wish to make it all official; get me paper-published with a comic book company like [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie]], [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], [[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]] or [[Wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse comics]], with continuing work as a comic book artist and story creator/editor, good pay, eventual official Sonichu and Rosechu merchandise that I can personally and officially sign-off on and further enforce my nine-year-old copyright with a more peaceful future.

“Christopher” Christian Weston Chandler, August 11, 2009

© March 17, 2000 by “Christopher” Christian Weston Chandler.

==Periodical References==

* ''Nintendo Power'' – Volume 179, May 2004, Page 89 – [[Nintendo Power Magazine#The Documentary|Sonichu’s Cwcville Documentary]]
* Piedmont Virginia Community College’s ''The Forum'' – Volume 1, No. 13, 26 April 2004 – Meet Sonichu – Student Featured in Nintendo Power – By Kari Mitchell, The Forum Assistant Editor.

==Chris's Resume Writing Worksheet==
<gallery>
Image:scan.jpg|The concept of "Most recent" escapes Chris.
Image:scan0001.jpg|Notice how he can't keep himself from including Sonichu in EVERYTHING.
Image:scan0002.jpg|His only references are a guidance counselor that he had almost a decade ago and two pastors at his church.
Image:scan0003.jpg|Largely the same as the other pages except he whines about his websites getting hacked.
Image:scan0004.jpg|Even his shitty DVD is worth mentioning apparently.
Image:scan0005.jpg|He wants to put the dang, dirty trolls to rest.
</gallery>

==Downloads==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?gm5diqmjqjg Original résumé]

==Notes==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Kacey Call 24

2012-03-09T07:08:37Z

Danooct1: /* Part 2 */

Just a brief overview until transcriptions are complete.

File Name: kc10509.mp3

*[[Chris]] says that his [[mom]] had food poisoning, so they went to a doctor and found out that it wasn't food poisoning. So they went back to the restaurant to complain anyways. Chris says his mom has to be on a diet now. [[Kacey]] suggests that Chris joins her on the diet to support her. Chris starts talking about how he's unsure of the diet and tries to get out of it. I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!
*Chris is amazed that families and friends of cancer patients will shave their heads to support the person with cancer.
*Kacey asks about Chris's [[room]] getting cleaned. Chris is "still working on it!", but Kim suggested that Chris take his [[Lego]] city apart. Kacey asks for pictures. Chris will think about it.
*Kacey failed a class and lost her [[job]].
*Chris is still trying to get a job at [[Target]], but has applied to two other stores.
*Chris was talking to a girl named Regina, the girl whose father bought Chris's two ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s. Chris went to meet her, and she didn't show up. Chris got an email stating that [[Gregg Mays]] showed up and sold her guitars instead for half price.
*Chris talks about the [[Emily]] date, and claims that the ''man in the pickle suit'''s name is Harold.
*Chris talks about the [[PVCC]] trolling him, and Kacey says that such an organization doesn't exist and he just thinks too much of himself. Chris says they do it for the [[lulz|L-U-L-Z]] (spells it out).
*Chris gets stressed out when Kacey says that he's not important enough to spend that much effort on.
*Chris claims that he gets lots of emails from men asking him on dates. Kacey says that's a complement, and he doesn't come off as straight. This makes Chris yell in a high pitched voice: "OH JESUS CHRIST! I'M STRAIGHT! WHAT THE HELL!"
*Chris doesn't even open emails anymore.
*'''Kacey says it's common sense to not reply to trolls. Chris says "Let me tell you about common sense," and says that he had sex with a FEMALE BLOW UP DOLL, not a male blow up doll, so it's obvious that he's straight!'''
*Kacey says that Chris should just be bisexual. Chris yells "I HATE LOOKING AT PENISES!"
*Kacey: "I have [[gay]] friends, and they're always grabbing my boobs! It's okay because they're gay!"
*Kacey tells Chris to stop sighing because it makes him sound like a baby. Also to stop saying "whatever." He sighs several times while Kacey talks.
*Chris asks what Kacey wants to talk about, and Kacey says she doesn't care unless Chris can tutor her in her Statistics class. Chris says that he's really good at it and that he can help her with it.
*Kacey says that she has to go.

==Transcript ==
==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 24 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|kMQNl8r1VfA}}
| Stardate = 31 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 23]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good, just a little tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got to agree.
 '''Kacey:''' So how are you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair myself. I just uh, read your email, did you read my reply I sent back to you?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, actually, I did.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, pretty much in a nutshell, that's what's been happening lately.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, that sucks about your mom, I give my condolences, I hope she feels better. But, um... How did they know that she had food poisoning?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that my- That was my father and mine's theory at first, but then you know, we took her to Martha Jefferson, then- and then the doctors classified... classified the ailment as Colitis.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's definitely not food poisoning.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean well-
 '''Kacey:''' You guys shouldn't have gone back there to talk to them then, 'cause it's obviously not them...
 '''Chris:''' ...Hm. Yeah, well, I mean, still. Uh, you know, my mom, after today... She was having gut pains, and... Yeah, she was like "Yeah, take the uh, there's the uh, majority of the food I left behind, I had but I had not eaten, so you know, you just take it back to them, and uh, tell 'em what happened," She was like, you know, um, my father and I, we just like, you know, we couldn't do much to respond, you know... Mom was... All up- All up on top of the world here kind of, you know? Uh...
 '''Kacey:''' How long ago did it happen? I mean, did either of you eat it and get sick from it too?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, my father and I did not eat it.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, if she has Colitis she shouldn't be eating food like that, you said it was Chinese, right? I mean, that food's loaded with MSG and salt and fat, that's like the worst thing she could be doing right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I mean, I mean, none of us knew about the Colitis yet. So...
 '''Kacey:''' But still, it's definitely not food poisoning, it's her body telling her what she's eating is wrong, like did she get put on a diet?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she can't eat much, uh, salty or sugary foods, or drinks, now.
 '''Kacey:''' No, definitely not, is she sticking to it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she's- Yeah, she just got started on it.
 '''Kacey:''' So then what type of things is she eating?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, you know, just basically, um... I'd say, mostly, um... Fruits and vegetables... Um, I'm not sure what else at the time-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, fruits and vegetables are high in sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well-
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe you should join her in her diet to support her, it could be good for you.
 '''Chris:''' Hm, alright well, I'm not sure- I'm not really sure of, uh, of her diet. But, uh, you know. I can- I can like, you know... Um... I can have her tell me more about it. But right now-
 '''Kacey:''' You should, I mean it's good, you know cancer patients, their whole family shaves their heads, I mean you should totally do it, so that, number one, it'll help you get healthier; Number two, it'll help your mom that you're there for her.
 '''Chris:''' Wait wait wait wait wait... Cancer- Families of cancer patients actually shave their heads?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's a show of soli- You know, togetherness? When the cancer patient goes into Chemo and loses their hair, a lot of family members will do that, you know, to show that they're all together in this.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' It's pretty inspirational.
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, and all you would have to do is diet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah... Alright. Yeah, well. Yeah, I'll talk to my more about uh, this diet she's on and uh... I'll see if I can get on that as well. But anyway-
 '''Kacey:''' You totally should.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I- Yeah. But right now she's- Right now she's sleeping. But still you know, I'll talk to her next time she's awake. About that.
 '''Kacey:''' Definitely, I think that would be good for you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' How is your room coming along?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I'm still working on it, uh... I, uh... Kim and I agreed that, uh... Yeah, Kim convinced me that, you know, I'm planning on uh, taking my city- My Lego city apart, piece by piece, and putting the pieces into... into buckets.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's a good idea.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so I'm gonna start on that- I'm gonna start on that soon enough. But, you know-
 '''Kacey:''' You should take some more pictures and send them to me along with progress, you should probably do it like every other day. I mean, 'cause you were supposed to have this done, I mean how much longer do you think it's gonna take?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' Yeah it'll take me a while longer, plus you know, recent- Plus you know, last weekend I had to worry about my mom being in the- being in the hospital.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' So...
 '''Kacey:''' But you should still push yourself to do it, it'll probably make your mom feel better too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well, yeah- I, yeah- I'm going to work on that this week. On that-
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome, don't forget to send me pictures, give me something to get my mind of everything too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Alright. Hm... Yeah, I'm sorry to hear about you possibly losing your job and failing in class, what happened?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, well we have a new manager, and he's just a jerk, and he wants his own people in there, and class, well, I've just been having issues with it, and being able to get to the class, so it's something I can recover, you know, I've just had a lot going on. Especially with work and everything, 'cause sometimes I've had to pick up during the class, and it's just one big mess, but I'm working to fix it and I might have a new job soon.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. well, I hope uh... I hope that, you know, at your next job, you'll be successful. Or like, you know, um... you know, that you'll have it. Hm. Yeah, 'cause I would hate to see you without a job at this point. ''[Pause]'' Oh by the way I still have- By the way, apparently, uh... It's like, you know, I have- um... Yeah I have not heard back from Target, and I called them like, you know, I think it was, yeah, the last... The weekend before this recent weekend. And, I have not heard back. So, it's like, I think it's pretty obvious at this point I did not get a job there, but I'm submitting applications for, uh, places like uh, Barnes & Noble and Sears, even a new CVS that's being built in Ruckersville.
 '''Kacey:''' Hm. Have you heard back from anywhere?
 '''Chris:''' No, not yet. But I- But I, like you know, I'm planning on- I'm planning on checking in with them to see if they got my applications.
 '''Kacey:''' Definitely.
 '''Chris:''' Cuz I had to go online to do the applications. For these places. As well. ''(Pause)'' Hm. Yeah. Yeah... but upon- Yeah, let me go- Let me go off-topic here a bit, uh... Yeah, about uh, [[Regina]], the girl I was just telling you about, that uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' ...Whose father I sold two guitars to on eBay. Yeah, I mean like, we were, it was like you know, we were getting along... great, you know I've been mostly telling her about the pos- About my positive characteristics. Not one- Not once mentioning the, uh, trolls or names like [[Gregg Mays]] and whatever. And then, uh... And then... You know like we had the pick-up time scheduled, you know, uh... But, today at two o'clock at the, uh, McDonald's on Barracks Road... But then she doesn't show up, but then I come home and I find the e-mail and it's like, "Oh I get the- Oh, I got the... Oh, I was intercepted by Gregg Mays and he had two- And he had two guitars, with no paint- With all paint and stickers removed. And so, he charged her half price for it. And it was like you know, she thinks as if she still bought it from me, or she's giving off that impression, but... Uhh, but yeah, I'm thinking basically I got troll- I got trolled again. And like you know-
 '''Kacey:''' Well it sounds like she got trolled too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, or like you- Yeah or like you know, like she's one of the- She's one them, just like, uh... The past time at the mall, I think her name was [[Emily]]. And then we were- And then, uh, being intercepted by Harold, that Guy in the Pickle Suit. Uh... And I think, uh, I think, you know Kim could tell you more about that, you know, there are audio files, you know, that girl had a wire on her. And the, uh, audio-
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know she had a wire on?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Annoyed Sigh)'' Because, the- I found the audio file later, on the, uh... [[Miscreants]] webpage that was originally created by Clyde Cash-slash-Gregg Mays.
 '''Kacey:''' Hmm.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh, but anyway, then Kim- Then I talked to Kim about it and she convinces me like, you know, Regina could be just, uh, an innocent victim and it's just a whole bunch of misunderstandings and what-not. So...
 '''Kacey:''' It probably is, Chris, I mean it's not like the whole world's against you. You really don't think that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. No... I don't think think ''the whole world'' is against me, just some- It's just some of the people- It's just the whole buncha people out of a whole- Out of a big vast majority.
 '''Kacey:''' You really think there's a group devoted to trolling you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim can tell you about that, there's forums and everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Why? I mean, why would a group of people devote themselves to you? I mean, have you ever done anything wrong?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Getting more stressed & whiny)'' I had originally done nothing wrong! As far as I- As far as I know, I-
 '''Kacey:''' But then, why would they be devoted to trolling you?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why! I don't know why they started... ''[Sigh]'' I don't even know why that- Why the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page got started in the first place. I mean, I mean, other than the fact that they were doing it for the... L-U-L-Z.
 '''Kacey:''' The what?
 '''Chris:''' L-U-L-Z. You know, they call it "LULZ". Or like, you know-
 '''Kacey:''' So... they're doing it for laughs? I doubt there is a group dedicated to trolling you just because it's fun.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, are you telling the truth?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean are you should you didn't do anything to any of them? I think we've talked about this before.
 '''Chris:''' I am telling- I am telling you the truth. I am telling you the truth, Kacey. I swear to [[God]]. And Kim can back you up on that, she can tell you about these forums. And what-not.
 '''Kacey:''' That weird though, that's really weird, I mean are you reall that important?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Offended sigh]'' Hm. Well, I'm internet famous. Uh, for one thing, but, I don't think I would be THAT important, I mean, the way these trolls keep carrying on they make it like I'm as- I'm as important or more important than [[Britney Spears]]! ''[Pause]'' Jeez... ''[Sigh]'' What a mess that- What a mess the whole trolling thing is. ''[Sigh]'' But, I just take it one step at a time, you know, and I'm block- and I'm continuing to uh, block any nay-sayers, that send me negative e-mails. On my- On my- On my AOL address.
 '''Kacey:''' Hm. That's good.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what do you consider a negative e-mail?
 '''Chris:''' Well like you know, people... I- For one thing, here's a... I'm giving you, like, maybe one or two examples of the top of my head upon recollection... Um, one thing is like, you know, the inclination of people... mislabeling me as a [[homosexual]], or... dudes asking me out on a homosexual date, or making me- or asking me to do anything homosexual when I'm not, and it's pretty hard for me to-
 '''Kacey:''' You should take that as a compliment! I mean, maybe you're giving off the wrong impression to them.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stunned)'' What, come on, I mean-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you might be attracting these gay people.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Disgusted Sigh)'' But anyway, I'm STRAIGHT. But, you know-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe people don't think that, maybe you're not coming off as that. You ever think about that?
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, come on you know me, I'm- You know I'm straight. And- ''(stammering incoherently)''
 '''Kacey:''' But THEY don't.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Getting angrier)'' Ugh, I've been telling them- I've been telling them NUMEROUS TIMES now in the YouTube videos that I'm straight!
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe they think you're just being shy.
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, THEY'RE STUPID! I-I mean, I even- I even reflected so much about my, uh- About my, uh, how I feel about the homosexuals, I just don't... care that much about them, I just don't wanna get too close to them...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, remember that usually when you protest too much, ''(Chris sighs)'' then it usually is true.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, JESUS CHRIST!
 '''Kacey:''' They just think you're in the closet, I mean, you...
 '''Chris:''' I'M STRAIGHT!!! I'm straight!
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, but you make so many videos about NOT being straight, I mean, it actually HURTS you. Like, if you just let it go...
 '''Chris:''' Wait- Wait, time out, time out, wait. Making videos about me NOT being straight, what the HELL?
 '''Kacey:''' No, about BEING STRAIGHT, it hurts you because they're like, "Oh, he's just covering it up."
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Jesus... ''[Sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean you should just ignore it.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris sighs and tries to change the subject)'' Ah, whatever, but anyway like I- Like I said, I add the- I add those names- I add those people- Those are... The subject of those people who send me such e-mails, I add to my block list, that's uh... one thing, another thing is like you know... Like you know, or like you know, they just tell me like you know, "Fuck you", or "You're a [[fail]]ure", or any negative comments like that, I add them to the block list as well. Or even more recently like you know, oh shh-

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 24 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|t2rBqEl1MSI}}
| Stardate = 31 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Father Call]]
}} </center>
You know, yeah, "We're continuing the talks about your [[copyright]] being stolen", that's just a false rumor and it's not been stolen. I recovered that e-mail. So like you know I add them to the block list as well. I don't even have to open the e-mail, it's ob- It say- They just say it in the subject line. ''[Pause]'' Yeah. Anyway, yeah those- Those are some of the examples of uh, people, uh, who I add to the block list.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, why does being called gay make you so angry anyway, I mean if it's not true it just shouldn't hurt you at all.
 '''Chris:''' Because it's a mislabeling! I hate being mislabeled!
 '''Kacey:''' But you should just ignore it, or else they're gonna think that you're mad because you're hiding something.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, Jesus...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean Chris, this is just common sense.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... You know, let me- let me tell you something else, you know, uh, "common sense"... I- You know, yeah, there is a- There is [[For Julie's Eyes Only|a video of me]]... Uh... Having sex with a blow-up woman- With a blow-up doll, that's like a wom- A blow-up female doll, alright? I mean that- I mean, I- The blow-up doll is a woman, and if I was a homosexual, I'd be blowing up- I'd be blowing up a... Dude doll.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think it matters because dolls don't really have genders. That could be interpreted either way.
 '''Chris:''' But I-
 '''Kacey:''' I've heard people could be bisexual. It doesn't matter.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stress noises)'' Yeah but I mean, it's obvious that the doll is- is a woman, the doll looks like a woman. With the [[Manboobs|boobs]], and the long hair and the-
 '''Kacey:''' It's just plastic, Chris. It doesn't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I uh, I know it was a piece of plastic, and it wouldn't- And it wouldn't know, but still-
 '''Kacey:''' So it doesn't make you straight, and it doesn't make you gay.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Double Stress Sigh)'' Well yeah, well... ''(Stress Breathing)'' Ahh, a buncha things. Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, still, like you know, I'm just going- I'm just going- I just been goinh overboard in this conversation... And, yeah, but most of the time I would- Most of the time nowadays I do just ignore that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well you should, but I mean it just seems like this really gets to you, because you don't get this mad at anything else, not even when they claim to have your copyrights or anything else, like you just always get so angry over the gay thing, it's just really weird. You know?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Oh, jeez...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean it wouldn't be bad. You could be bisexual and it wouldn't be bad, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I am not bisexual, I'm STRAIGHT. I have- I HATE looking at penises! I love looking at vaginas!
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean that doesn't make you straight or gay, if you just LOOK... I mean, gay guys actually love to look at girls' chests, did you know that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Quiet, frustrated sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, they're fascinated by them, even if they don't find them sexy.
 '''Chris:''' I find wom- I find women a lot more sexier... than any dude, I don't even... I mean- I- Yeah we talked about this before, we... We talked about this before.
 '''Kacey:''' I just think it's amusing that you get so angry. I mean, I have gay friends, and they're always like, grabbing my boobs or something, and it's okay because they're gay and everything, but it's like, gay guys love boobs, it's hilarious.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sighs disgustedly, waits a few seconds, then sighs again)'' Whatev- Whatever. I- Yeah, uhh, whatever. Let's not- Let's not talk about that anymore, um... Uh...
 '''Kacey:''' You should stop sighing, Chris, that doesn't sound like a normal adult, that's like... Little upset toddler behavior.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Tries not to sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don't say "whatever" to me either, it's kind of rude.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' You could be polite and be like, "I disagree".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Kacey:''' Or, "Let's change the subject".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright, well yeah. Let's change the subject. Hmm...
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but you gotta promise me you're not gonna do the sighing and the "whatever"s anymore.
 '''Chris:''' Okay yeah well I mean, I been working on the... reducing of the "whatever"s. I mean, 'cause... Kim, uh, corrected me on that as well. ''(Waits for response)'' She's been correcting me on-
 '''Kacey:''' Well it's not that hard, so... Come on. Heh.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, wait... I- Uh sorry, what was that last statement? I did not not understand that last statement.
 '''Kacey:''' I said it's not that hard. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah, not hard.
 '''Kacey:''' It's all about a level of respect, I mean if you respected both of us you wouldn't do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I mean- Yeah, well I mean, I did try to... Stop- To not say whatev- That word. But, I mean-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you didn't start saying "whatever" until recently, like you've always done the sighing, but you didn't start saying that until recently.
 '''Chris:''' Right... Yeah. Hm. Well... I mean I've done it- I mean I've done it numerous times before, uh... around my fam- around my family. And- And it's like, they corrected me on that before. I guess it has been a long time since I said that word, and then... And then I- It just started coming back- It just started coming out again. That's- That's one thing that I'm- That I think there, about that. ''(Silence, Chris realizes she isn't going to say anything)'' Hm. Alright well, anyway, um... Um, let's see... What else is- What else can I- What else is on my mind I can talk about... Um... I'm not sure, lemme think, sure... No. If you've got anything else on your mind, Kacey, uh, I'm open to talk about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Not unless you can tutor me in statistics.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can tutor you in statistics... Actually, I did take statistics, uh... At, uh, one or two of those classes... Uh, when I started at Piedmont, as part of the- As part of when I was starting out, in the, uh, degree, I was- I- First, I started to work on... But then I- But then I switched over to Computer Aided Drafting and Design. But yeah I did do- I did do statistics, so... Like- So like, you know... If you... Show me like an example of, uh, what you're learning in statistics, I could prob- I could probably remember... what to do there.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, maybe I'll scan it or something for you, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Yeah, and I'll see what I can- I'll see what I can remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I have school in the morning so I should probably go, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright. But anyway, it's nice to talk to you again. And it's nice to- And it's nice to, you know, if you can't call me, you know, to get an email from you, so I know what's going on. And, you know, it's nice- It's nice to know that- To have you confide in me, and me offering my feedback, but hey, you know, yeah. You know... Just- You know, at least you're making your recovery and you will strike back victoriously.
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Laughs politely)'' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I'm rooting for ya, and I'm here for ya.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I appreciate that, and I'll try and talk to you tomorrow. Okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, if you can't talk to me, send me an email. Whatever...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, bye.
 '''Chris:''' You take care, be safe, bye-bye.


==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?h6fo6e4505emggu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 23]]|nextlink=[[Father Call]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 24

2012-03-09T07:08:08Z

Danooct1: /* Part 1 */

Just a brief overview until transcriptions are complete.

File Name: kc10509.mp3

*[[Chris]] says that his [[mom]] had food poisoning, so they went to a doctor and found out that it wasn't food poisoning. So they went back to the restaurant to complain anyways. Chris says his mom has to be on a diet now. [[Kacey]] suggests that Chris joins her on the diet to support her. Chris starts talking about how he's unsure of the diet and tries to get out of it. I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!
*Chris is amazed that families and friends of cancer patients will shave their heads to support the person with cancer.
*Kacey asks about Chris's [[room]] getting cleaned. Chris is "still working on it!", but Kim suggested that Chris take his [[Lego]] city apart. Kacey asks for pictures. Chris will think about it.
*Kacey failed a class and lost her [[job]].
*Chris is still trying to get a job at [[Target]], but has applied to two other stores.
*Chris was talking to a girl named Regina, the girl whose father bought Chris's two ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s. Chris went to meet her, and she didn't show up. Chris got an email stating that [[Gregg Mays]] showed up and sold her guitars instead for half price.
*Chris talks about the [[Emily]] date, and claims that the ''man in the pickle suit'''s name is Harold.
*Chris talks about the [[PVCC]] trolling him, and Kacey says that such an organization doesn't exist and he just thinks too much of himself. Chris says they do it for the [[lulz|L-U-L-Z]] (spells it out).
*Chris gets stressed out when Kacey says that he's not important enough to spend that much effort on.
*Chris claims that he gets lots of emails from men asking him on dates. Kacey says that's a complement, and he doesn't come off as straight. This makes Chris yell in a high pitched voice: "OH JESUS CHRIST! I'M STRAIGHT! WHAT THE HELL!"
*Chris doesn't even open emails anymore.
*'''Kacey says it's common sense to not reply to trolls. Chris says "Let me tell you about common sense," and says that he had sex with a FEMALE BLOW UP DOLL, not a male blow up doll, so it's obvious that he's straight!'''
*Kacey says that Chris should just be bisexual. Chris yells "I HATE LOOKING AT PENISES!"
*Kacey: "I have [[gay]] friends, and they're always grabbing my boobs! It's okay because they're gay!"
*Kacey tells Chris to stop sighing because it makes him sound like a baby. Also to stop saying "whatever." He sighs several times while Kacey talks.
*Chris asks what Kacey wants to talk about, and Kacey says she doesn't care unless Chris can tutor her in her Statistics class. Chris says that he's really good at it and that he can help her with it.
*Kacey says that she has to go.

==Transcript ==
==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 24 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|kMQNl8r1VfA}}
| Stardate = 31 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 23]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good, just a little tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got to agree.
 '''Kacey:''' So how are you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair myself. I just uh, read your email, did you read my reply I sent back to you?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, actually, I did.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, pretty much in a nutshell, that's what's been happening lately.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, that sucks about your mom, I give my condolences, I hope she feels better. But, um... How did they know that she had food poisoning?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that my- That was my father and mine's theory at first, but then you know, we took her to Martha Jefferson, then- and then the doctors classified... classified the ailment as Colitis.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's definitely not food poisoning.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean well-
 '''Kacey:''' You guys shouldn't have gone back there to talk to them then, 'cause it's obviously not them...
 '''Chris:''' ...Hm. Yeah, well, I mean, still. Uh, you know, my mom, after today... She was having gut pains, and... Yeah, she was like "Yeah, take the uh, there's the uh, majority of the food I left behind, I had but I had not eaten, so you know, you just take it back to them, and uh, tell 'em what happened," She was like, you know, um, my father and I, we just like, you know, we couldn't do much to respond, you know... Mom was... All up- All up on top of the world here kind of, you know? Uh...
 '''Kacey:''' How long ago did it happen? I mean, did either of you eat it and get sick from it too?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, my father and I did not eat it.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, if she has Colitis she shouldn't be eating food like that, you said it was Chinese, right? I mean, that food's loaded with MSG and salt and fat, that's like the worst thing she could be doing right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I mean, I mean, none of us knew about the Colitis yet. So...
 '''Kacey:''' But still, it's definitely not food poisoning, it's her body telling her what she's eating is wrong, like did she get put on a diet?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she can't eat much, uh, salty or sugary foods, or drinks, now.
 '''Kacey:''' No, definitely not, is she sticking to it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she's- Yeah, she just got started on it.
 '''Kacey:''' So then what type of things is she eating?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, you know, just basically, um... I'd say, mostly, um... Fruits and vegetables... Um, I'm not sure what else at the time-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, fruits and vegetables are high in sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well-
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe you should join her in her diet to support her, it could be good for you.
 '''Chris:''' Hm, alright well, I'm not sure- I'm not really sure of, uh, of her diet. But, uh, you know. I can- I can like, you know... Um... I can have her tell me more about it. But right now-
 '''Kacey:''' You should, I mean it's good, you know cancer patients, their whole family shaves their heads, I mean you should totally do it, so that, number one, it'll help you get healthier; Number two, it'll help your mom that you're there for her.
 '''Chris:''' Wait wait wait wait wait... Cancer- Families of cancer patients actually shave their heads?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's a show of soli- You know, togetherness? When the cancer patient goes into Chemo and loses their hair, a lot of family members will do that, you know, to show that they're all together in this.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' It's pretty inspirational.
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, and all you would have to do is diet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah... Alright. Yeah, well. Yeah, I'll talk to my more about uh, this diet she's on and uh... I'll see if I can get on that as well. But anyway-
 '''Kacey:''' You totally should.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I- Yeah. But right now she's- Right now she's sleeping. But still you know, I'll talk to her next time she's awake. About that.
 '''Kacey:''' Definitely, I think that would be good for you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' How is your room coming along?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I'm still working on it, uh... I, uh... Kim and I agreed that, uh... Yeah, Kim convinced me that, you know, I'm planning on uh, taking my city- My Lego city apart, piece by piece, and putting the pieces into... into buckets.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's a good idea.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so I'm gonna start on that- I'm gonna start on that soon enough. But, you know-
 '''Kacey:''' You should take some more pictures and send them to me along with progress, you should probably do it like every other day. I mean, 'cause you were supposed to have this done, I mean how much longer do you think it's gonna take?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' Yeah it'll take me a while longer, plus you know, recent- Plus you know, last weekend I had to worry about my mom being in the- being in the hospital.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' So...
 '''Kacey:''' But you should still push yourself to do it, it'll probably make your mom feel better too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well, yeah- I, yeah- I'm going to work on that this week. On that-
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome, don't forget to send me pictures, give me something to get my mind of everything too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Alright. Hm... Yeah, I'm sorry to hear about you possibly losing your job and failing in class, what happened?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, well we have a new manager, and he's just a jerk, and he wants his own people in there, and class, well, I've just been having issues with it, and being able to get to the class, so it's something I can recover, you know, I've just had a lot going on. Especially with work and everything, 'cause sometimes I've had to pick up during the class, and it's just one big mess, but I'm working to fix it and I might have a new job soon.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. well, I hope uh... I hope that, you know, at your next job, you'll be successful. Or like, you know, um... you know, that you'll have it. Hm. Yeah, 'cause I would hate to see you without a job at this point. ''[Pause]'' Oh by the way I still have- By the way, apparently, uh... It's like, you know, I have- um... Yeah I have not heard back from Target, and I called them like, you know, I think it was, yeah, the last... The weekend before this recent weekend. And, I have not heard back. So, it's like, I think it's pretty obvious at this point I did not get a job there, but I'm submitting applications for, uh, places like uh, Barnes & Noble and Sears, even a new CVS that's being built in Ruckersville.
 '''Kacey:''' Hm. Have you heard back from anywhere?
 '''Chris:''' No, not yet. But I- But I, like you know, I'm planning on- I'm planning on checking in with them to see if they got my applications.
 '''Kacey:''' Definitely.
 '''Chris:''' Cuz I had to go online to do the applications. For these places. As well. ''(Pause)'' Hm. Yeah. Yeah... but upon- Yeah, let me go- Let me go off-topic here a bit, uh... Yeah, about uh, [[Regina]], the girl I was just telling you about, that uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' ...Whose father I sold two guitars to on eBay. Yeah, I mean like, we were, it was like you know, we were getting along... great, you know I've been mostly telling her about the pos- About my positive characteristics. Not one- Not once mentioning the, uh, trolls or names like [[Gregg Mays]] and whatever. And then, uh... And then... You know like we had the pick-up time scheduled, you know, uh... But, today at two o'clock at the, uh, McDonald's on Barracks Road... But then she doesn't show up, but then I come home and I find the e-mail and it's like, "Oh I get the- Oh, I got the... Oh, I was intercepted by Gregg Mays and he had two- And he had two guitars, with no paint- With all paint and stickers removed. And so, he charged her half price for it. And it was like you know, she thinks as if she still bought it from me, or she's giving off that impression, but... Uhh, but yeah, I'm thinking basically I got troll- I got trolled again. And like you know-
 '''Kacey:''' Well it sounds like she got trolled too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, or like you- Yeah or like you know, like she's one of the- She's one them, just like, uh... The past time at the mall, I think her name was [[Emily]]. And then we were- And then, uh, being intercepted by Harold, that Guy in the Pickle Suit. Uh... And I think, uh, I think, you know Kim could tell you more about that, you know, there are audio files, you know, that girl had a wire on her. And the, uh, audio-
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know she had a wire on?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Annoyed Sigh)'' Because, the- I found the audio file later, on the, uh... [[Miscreants]] webpage that was originally created by Clyde Cash-slash-Gregg Mays.
 '''Kacey:''' Hmm.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh, but anyway, then Kim- Then I talked to Kim about it and she convinces me like, you know, Regina could be just, uh, an innocent victim and it's just a whole bunch of misunderstandings and what-not. So...
 '''Kacey:''' It probably is, Chris, I mean it's not like the whole world's against you. You really don't think that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. No... I don't think think ''the whole world'' is against me, just some- It's just some of the people- It's just the whole buncha people out of a whole- Out of a big vast majority.
 '''Kacey:''' You really think there's a group devoted to trolling you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim can tell you about that, there's forums and everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Why? I mean, why would a group of people devote themselves to you? I mean, have you ever done anything wrong?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Getting more stressed & whiny)'' I had originally done nothing wrong! As far as I- As far as I know, I-
 '''Kacey:''' But then, why would they be devoted to trolling you?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why! I don't know why they started... ''[Sigh]'' I don't even know why that- Why the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page got started in the first place. I mean, I mean, other than the fact that they were doing it for the... L-U-L-Z.
 '''Kacey:''' The what?
 '''Chris:''' L-U-L-Z. You know, they call it "LULZ". Or like, you know-
 '''Kacey:''' So... they're doing it for laughs? I doubt there is a group dedicated to trolling you just because it's fun.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, are you telling the truth?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean are you should you didn't do anything to any of them? I think we've talked about this before.
 '''Chris:''' I am telling- I am telling you the truth. I am telling you the truth, Kacey. I swear to [[God]]. And Kim can back you up on that, she can tell you about these forums. And what-not.
 '''Kacey:''' That weird though, that's really weird, I mean are you reall that important?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Offended sigh]'' Hm. Well, I'm internet famous. Uh, for one thing, but, I don't think I would be THAT important, I mean, the way these trolls keep carrying on they make it like I'm as- I'm as important or more important than [[Britney Spears]]! ''[Pause]'' Jeez... ''[Sigh]'' What a mess that- What a mess the whole trolling thing is. ''[Sigh]'' But, I just take it one step at a time, you know, and I'm block- and I'm continuing to uh, block any nay-sayers, that send me negative e-mails. On my- On my- On my AOL address.
 '''Kacey:''' Hm. That's good.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what do you consider a negative e-mail?
 '''Chris:''' Well like you know, people... I- For one thing, here's a... I'm giving you, like, maybe one or two examples of the top of my head upon recollection... Um, one thing is like, you know, the inclination of people... mislabeling me as a [[homosexual]], or... dudes asking me out on a homosexual date, or making me- or asking me to do anything homosexual when I'm not, and it's pretty hard for me to-
 '''Kacey:''' You should take that as a compliment! I mean, maybe you're giving off the wrong impression to them.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stunned)'' What, come on, I mean-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you might be attracting these gay people.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Disgusted Sigh)'' But anyway, I'm STRAIGHT. But, you know-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe people don't think that, maybe you're not coming off as that. You ever think about that?
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, come on you know me, I'm- You know I'm straight. And- ''(stammering incoherently)''
 '''Kacey:''' But THEY don't.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Getting angrier)'' Ugh, I've been telling them- I've been telling them NUMEROUS TIMES now in the YouTube videos that I'm straight!
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe they think you're just being shy.
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, THEY'RE STUPID! I-I mean, I even- I even reflected so much about my, uh- About my, uh, how I feel about the homosexuals, I just don't... care that much about them, I just don't wanna get too close to them...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, remember that usually when you protest too much, ''(Chris sighs)'' then it usually is true.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, JESUS CHRIST!
 '''Kacey:''' They just think you're in the closet, I mean, you...
 '''Chris:''' I'M STRAIGHT!!! I'm straight!
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, but you make so many videos about NOT being straight, I mean, it actually HURTS you. Like, if you just let it go...
 '''Chris:''' Wait- Wait, time out, time out, wait. Making videos about me NOT being straight, what the HELL?
 '''Kacey:''' No, about BEING STRAIGHT, it hurts you because they're like, "Oh, he's just covering it up."
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Jesus... ''[Sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean you should just ignore it.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris sighs and tries to change the subject)'' Ah, whatever, but anyway like I- Like I said, I add the- I add those names- I add those people- Those are... The subject of those people who send me such e-mails, I add to my block list, that's uh... one thing, another thing is like you know... Like you know, or like you know, they just tell me like you know, "Fuck you", or "You're a [[fail]]ure", or any negative comments like that, I add them to the block list as well. Or even more recently like you know, oh shh-

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 24 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|t2rBqEl1MSI}}
| Stardate = 31 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Father Call]]
}} </center>
You know, yeah, "We're continuing the talks about your [[copyright]] being stolen", that's just a false rumor and it's not been stolen. I recovered that e-mail. So like you know I add them to the block list as well. I don't even have to open the e-mail, it's ob- It say- They just say it in the subject line. ''[Pause]'' Yeah. Anyway, yeah those- Those are some of the examples of uh, people, uh, who I add to the block list.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, why does being called gay make you so angry anyway, I mean if it's not true it just shouldn't hurt you at all.
 '''Chris:''' Because it's a mislabeling! I hate being mislabeled!
 '''Kacey:''' But you should just ignore it, or else they're gonna think that you're mad because you're hiding something.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, Jesus...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean Chris, this is just common sense.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... You know, let me- let me tell you something else, you know, uh, "common sense"... I- You know, yeah, there is a- There is [[For Julie's Eyes Only|a video of me]]... Uh... Having sex with a blow-up woman- With a blow-up doll, that's like a wom- A blow-up female doll, alright? I mean that- I mean, I- The blow-up doll is a woman, and if I was a homosexual, I'd be blowing up- I'd be blowing up a... Dude doll.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think it matters because dolls don't really have genders. That could be interpreted either way.
 '''Chris:''' But I-
 '''Kacey:''' I've heard people could be bisexual. It doesn't matter.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stress noises)'' Yeah but I mean, it's obvious that the doll is- is a woman, the doll looks like a woman. With the [[Manboobs|boobs]], and the long hair and the-
 '''Kacey:''' It's just plastic, Chris. It doesn't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I uh, I know it was a piece of plastic, and it wouldn't- And it wouldn't know, but still-
 '''Kacey:''' So it doesn't make you straight, and it doesn't make you gay.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Double Stress Sigh)'' Well yeah, well... ''(Stress Breathing)'' Ahh, a buncha things. Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, still, like you know, I'm just going- I'm just going- I just been goinh overboard in this conversation... And, yeah, but most of the time I would- Most of the time nowadays I do just ignore that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well you should, but I mean it just seems like this really gets to you, because you don't get this mad at anything else, not even when they claim to have your copyrights or anything else, like you just always get so angry over the gay thing, it's just really weird. You know?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Oh, jeez...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean it wouldn't be bad. You could be bisexual and it wouldn't be bad, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I am not bisexual, I'm STRAIGHT. I have- I HATE looking at penises! I love looking at vaginas!
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean that doesn't make you straight or gay, if you just LOOK... I mean, gay guys actually love to look at girls' chests, did you know that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Quiet, frustrated sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, they're fascinated by them, even if they don't find them sexy.
 '''Chris:''' I find wom- I find women a lot more sexier... than any dude, I don't even... I mean- I- Yeah we talked about this before, we... We talked about this before.
 '''Kacey:''' I just think it's amusing that you get so angry. I mean, I have gay friends, and they're always like, grabbing my boobs or something, and it's okay because they're gay and everything, but it's like, gay guys love boobs, it's hilarious.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sighs disgustedly, waits a few seconds, then sighs again)'' Whatev- Whatever. I- Yeah, uhh, whatever. Let's not- Let's not talk about that anymore, um... Uh...
 '''Kacey:''' You should stop sighing so much, Chris, that doesn't sound like a normal adult, that's like... Little upset toddler behavior.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Tries not to sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don't say "whatever" to me either, it's kind of rude.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' You could be polite and be like, "I disagree".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Kacey:''' Or, "Let's change the subject".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright, well yeah. Let's change the subject. Hmm...
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but you gotta promise me you're not gonna do the sighing and the "whatever"s anymore.
 '''Chris:''' Okay yeah well I mean, I been working on the... reducing of the "whatever"s. I mean, 'cause... Kim, uh, corrected me on that as well. ''(Waits for response)'' She's been correcting me on-
 '''Kacey:''' Well it's not that hard, so... Come on. Heh.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, wait... I- Uh sorry, what was that last statement? I did not not understand that last statement.
 '''Kacey:''' I said it's not that hard. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah, not hard.
 '''Kacey:''' It's all about a level of respect, I mean if you respected both of us you wouldn't do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I mean- Yeah, well I mean, I did try to... Stop- To not say whatev- That word. But, I mean-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you didn't start saying "whatever" until recently, like you've always done the sighing, but you didn't start saying that until recently.
 '''Chris:''' Right... Yeah. Hm. Well... I mean I've done it- I mean I've done it numerous times before, uh... around my fam- around my family. And- And it's like, they corrected me on that before. I guess it has been a long time since I said that word, and then... And then I- It just started coming back- It just started coming out again. That's- That's one thing that I'm- That I think there, about that. ''(Silence, Chris realizes she isn't going to say anything)'' Hm. Alright well, anyway, um... Um, let's see... What else is- What else can I- What else is on my mind I can talk about... Um... I'm not sure, lemme think, sure... No. If you've got anything else on your mind, Kacey, uh, I'm open to talk about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Not unless you can tutor me in statistics.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can tutor you in statistics... Actually, I did take statistics, uh... At, uh, one or two of those classes... Uh, when I started at Piedmont, as part of the- As part of when I was starting out, in the, uh, degree, I was- I- First, I started to work on... But then I- But then I switched over to Computer Aided Drafting and Design. But yeah I did do- I did do statistics, so... Like- So like, you know... If you... Show me like an example of, uh, what you're learning in statistics, I could prob- I could probably remember... what to do there.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, maybe I'll scan it or something for you, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Yeah, and I'll see what I can- I'll see what I can remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I have school in the morning so I should probably go, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright. But anyway, it's nice to talk to you again. And it's nice to- And it's nice to, you know, if you can't call me, you know, to get an email from you, so I know what's going on. And, you know, it's nice- It's nice to know that- To have you confide in me, and me offering my feedback, but hey, you know, yeah. You know... Just- You know, at least you're making your recovery and you will strike back victoriously.
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Laughs politely)'' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I'm rooting for ya, and I'm here for ya.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I appreciate that, and I'll try and talk to you tomorrow. Okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, if you can't talk to me, send me an email. Whatever...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, bye.
 '''Chris:''' You take care, be safe, bye-bye.


==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?h6fo6e4505emggu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 23]]|nextlink=[[Father Call]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Sarah Nicole Hammer

2012-03-09T00:28:21Z

Danooct1: /* Sarah Hammer in real life */

[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarahcropped.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris & Sarah]]

{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Animal Crossing card]] describing Sarah Hammer; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}

'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age 2 until around age 10, when he moved away, whom he apparently considered his closest friend. Chris met Sarah again when he entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] when he came back to the county after finishing [[Manchester High School]]. Although by [[2005]] Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend however, Chris seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her as compared to his childhood.

As far as can be told, Chris has had no contact with Sarah since he came into [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the spotlight]], and unlike [[Megan]] there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence to suggest that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.

==Sarah Hammer in real life==
[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Like anything that looks good in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets and playing "hide and [[Comeuppance|seed]]." Once, Sarah tried to teach Chris to [[Wikipedia:Roller skating|roller-skate]], but Chris fell down and gave up, showing that Chris has no sense of coordination, balance, or dedication.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Chris recounts a story in which Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its dangers. And you know what they say: a girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and may have attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school. For most normal people this would probably be the end of the relationship.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

===She got hot===
Between [[2000]] and [[2003]] Sarah grew up and shed her old image, and became so attractive to Chris that he later called her "a spittin' [''sic''] image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> Normally, people don't find childhood friends to be sexually attractive due to the [[wikipedia:Westermarck Effect|Westermarck Effect]], so either Chris just feels no such effect and would gladly bone a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] figure, or they didn't know each other well enough as kids for it to take effect. Most likely the latter. The fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, but Chris is notorious for his poor facial recognition skills anyway. This is the man who had to stare at himself in a mirror for hours to remember what ''he'' actually looked like after all.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24</ref>

===With Wes Iseli===
By Chris's admission, he hadn't had much contact with Sarah after he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. The revelation that Sarah was dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]] was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. A similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by [[4chan|/v/]], and he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes as one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurned him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].

The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a [[friend zone|closer platonic friendship]]. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the [[Fail|trauma]].

To this day, there exist no records of what Sarah's reaction to any of this insanity was, not even in Chris's recounting of the events.

===With William Spicer===
At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, [[William Spicer]], whom she eventually married. The ups and downs of how Chris took this news are captured in how the fictional Chris reacted in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] after Sarah tells him, and in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] when Chris made a comic adaptation of her wedding. Chris knew so little about Spicer, probably having never met him, that in the comic he decided to depict the groom as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] character so that he wouldn't have to draw the actual person. If the comic is anything to go by, Chris did not attend the wedding in real life, but quietly accepted Sarah's decision anyway. William Spicer was spared the fate of being made into a one dimensional Sonichu villain like his predecessor was however, though not because Wes had done wrong while William had not, but rather because Wes was unlucky enough to have dated Sarah while Chris was interested in her, while by the time William was marrying her, Chris had already moved on to [[Megan]].

==Sarah in the comic==
Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blows his wad]] right away, introducing the revealing the identities of at least two of these characters a few pages afterwards in the [[Classic Sonichu Strips]].

===Sarah Hammer/Nicole Rammer===
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Sarah Hammer and the Lightning Bracelets.]]

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. Although at first she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah [[Chris and his Ego|remembered who was writing the comic]], so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].

Though Sarah technically did not appear again until [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], she did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']]. The one which she appeared in was reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] and established as having taken place a few weeks before the events of Sub-Episode 7.

Later, in ''Sonichu #5'', Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]]. In spite of this issue being based around Sarah's wedding and being intended as a sendoff to her character, she did remarkably little in this story, just [[Women's rights|filling the role of the kidnapped princess]].

Sarah was not seen in the comic for a long time afterwards, but she did appear again in [[Sonichu Special 2]], also known as the Wedding Comic. In this comic, she attends Chris's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], dressing [[Tomgirl|in drag]] and acting as the best man, since Chris doesn't actually have any friends other than her who could fill that role other than [[Sonichu|fictional characters]] or possibly [[Bob Chandler|his father]]. One can't shake the feeling that he'd probably ask Sarah to do this in a real life wedding too.

Thanks to the efforts of [[Nintendo]] lawyer [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Sarah later became one of many characters who had their names [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in the story, due to being based on real life people. As such, in the [[Sonichu Videobooks]], Sarah Hammer instead became Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]]. "Nicole," because that's her middle name, and "Rammer" because he's a fucking moron.

===Saramah Rosechu===
[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]

{{quote|Sarhamah's [sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, [[Angelica|angelic]], and simply irresistible.|[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]].}}

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, abiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him. Sarah is able to activate this form through use of the Lightning Bracelets, which act as her own equivalent to Chris's [[Sonichu Medallion]] or Wes Iseli's Fireshock Pendant.

Prior to the retcon, Saramah Rosechu was a much more sensible name for Sarah's Sonichu form, even if still slightly weird. Since the change however, new readers of the comic who are not aware of the background of the character are just left baffled by the strange notion that a woman named "Nicole" transforms into a hedgehog and is then named "Sarah" for some reason.

Due to her lack of a large role in the comics, Saramah Rosechu doesn't have many powers compared to the other two chosen ones of the prophecy. While Chris and Wes both use weird [[Pokémon]] related attacks or [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards to fight, aside from the retarded Team Blast attack ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'', Sarah is only ever seen using her bow and arrow to fight with. Both the bow and arrow are lightning bolt shaped. They may or may not be literally made of electricity. [[Chris and art|It's hard to tell with Chris's art.]]

===Queen of the Cherokian Clan===
[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|left|100px|The only picture of her to this date.]]

Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.

Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap material. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]], which she was tutored in using by a vision of the Queen.

The queen hasn't shown up since that single appearance, and considering that Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in ''Sonichu #5'' save for her brief cameo at Chris's wedding, it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.

Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American; although she's still blonde and blue-eyed, she's wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. At least Chris got that part right.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|A CD for Sarah
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" [[Animal Crossing]] Card.
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer card back.
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Saramah" Animal Crossing Card.
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Saramah card back.
Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg|Picture of human Sarah.
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg|Picture of furfag Sarah.
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg|Lightning Bracelets ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu #2'']]
*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes Iseli]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Anchuent Prophecy]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2012-03-07T23:25:44Z

Danooct1: /* Transcript */

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Adipem goddammit'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and Solid Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) mostly consists of Solid trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Solid loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]], Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Ian's behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Ian responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Ian only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Solid Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Ian is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Ian begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Ian states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Ian declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Ian of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Ian is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Ian doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Ian whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Ian to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' Kim and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ...Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian [''inaudible'']
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am. You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! Why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barbara called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barbara and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barbara that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 [''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eojywemfkom the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 9

2012-03-06T01:57:49Z

Danooct1: /* Part 1 */

3 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] says he's okay being just friends. However, one second later, he says that [[Kacey]] telling him they're just friends is like "stabbing him in the heart".
*Chris: "When I feel love, I feel da happy tingling, I feel happy, elated and ecstatic".
*Chris nervously asks if Kacey has ever drank [[alcohol]], apparently Chris briefly drank a lot but now he only drinks "socially".
*Chris is confused and disappointed that Kacey still has feelings for [[Liquid Chris]]. Chris understands because he had strong feelings for girls in the past, but they were all [[trolls]] or they [[death|died]].
*Kacey questions how Chris can be in love with so many girls.
*Chris gets mad about getting his [[PSN]] accounts hacked. Kacey points out that he's way more passionate about that than about those girls.
*Chris angrily recounts his one date with [[Faeryn]] and how she told him "I'm just not into you", and she totally "said that out of nowhere". Kacey asks what went wrong. Chris: "Maybe I did touch her a few times... but this was before I met you!" Kacey gets Chris to describe Faeryn, probably trying to get him to call her fat. He describes her as heavyset and a "wild fun one."
*Chris needs more "guy friends" to hang out with, Chris says he never socialized with guys growing up. Kacey says it's "kinda gay" that he only had [[gal pals|female friends]], so he backpedals and says that he had some male buddies growing up and they "hung out like straight men".
*Chris says that his autism makes it so he can't make any friends that are guys. Kacey says that Chris is bullshitting.
*Kacey says he was probably "too girly" for the other guys. Chris says he has done "boy things" such as playing soccer, volleyball, and football in [[high school]]. Chris blames his [[autism]], his [[father]], and other males for his not having male friends.
*Kacey says women are way more evil than men. Chris says "that's stupid," then goes on to say that he knows more about women than Kacey due to [[TV]].
*Kacey asks if Chris has ever started a fight, Chris says he needs to "ponder about it" for a bit. He then says yes, with his father. He argues with his father a lot, gets pretty angry when talking about it.
*Kacey asks for a story, and Chris starts whining and raising his voice about his memory and how Kacey is asking too much of him.
*"I don't remember spoken words or what I've said".
*Chris says he's never started a physical fight, but he totally fought back when people beat on him
*Some kid punched Chris on the bus and knocked his glasses off. HE KNOCKED HIS [[glasses|GLASSES]] OFF. The fight was caused because Chris wanted to get off the bus before another kid. Chris claims he fought back (note that he tells a different version of this story to [[Jackie]] one year later). After this fight he got put on the Special Ed Bus, where some kid named Tony would tap him on the head and spit on him. Chris wouldn't move seats because he didn't want to find a new seat from what he would choose every day. "IT WAS MY CONSTANT ROUTINE THAT I RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS IN THE FRONT SEAT"
*Chris starts raising his voice and Kacey threatens to hang up.
*The "Special Aid Worker" on the bus didn't help Chris, Chris didn't like her because "she was all butch" and would raise her voice to Chris.
*Kacey suggests for him to type his stories up and to put them on [[CWCipedia]]. Chris thinks if the trolls hear about this they will mock him for it, but then says he'll think about it.
*Chris gets stressed out and asks permission to get off the phone.

== Part 1 ==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|Xg21J2GlS0Q}}</Center>

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris. It’s Kacey. How are ya?
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace. I’m okay. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. Just tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Long day at work.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh… [unintelligible] I fairly much-I fairly much got over what happened last night. And uh… you know, I’m still-I’m still gonna be friends with you. I just want to let you know about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you get over it? What do you mean by that?
 '''Chris:''' C’mon, didn’t you get the email I sent you last night?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I did. You told me to watch some movies. I already did, and I was like, I don’t get it.
 '''Chris:''' Telling somebody you’re gonna be– telling somebody whose hopeful expectations of something better than being just friends [unintelligible] just friends forever. That’s like stabbing him-that’s like stabbing him in the back or in the heart.
 '''Kacey:''' And you think that trying to push attentions on somebody who’s in love with someone else isn’t like stabbing them in the heart?
 '''Chris:''' I did not say that and I did not… I…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you just can’t predict the future and you can’t force things on people, like I just want you to respect how I feel right now. I mean, actions speak louder than words. I mean… just, right now… I mean, I’m not saying I know what’s gonna happen, but you can’t either. I mean… just, right now it’s like, you’ve gotta understand what I’m going through.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And for you to go behind my back and tell people that I’m gonna be your girlfriend… I mean, just, you know… you would ruin anything you could’ve had anyway. Just, right now is not the time, and you need to respect that. I’m not saying that I hate you or anything. I’m just saying… no.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, do you not understand how much pain I’m going through?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do understand. I do understand, you know? Yeah, the guy… he left you…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I don’t think you do. I mean, do you… do you even know what love is? What is love to you?
 '''Chris:''' Love, to me, is like a lot of things. It’s complicated to talk about, like most anybody else would, but you know, when I feel love, it’s like I feel… I feel the tingle-I feel the happy tingling and I feel happy, elated, ecstatic… and the-and it just feels-it just feels really really good. And I still…
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but love is pain too, you know, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, love is just intensity.
 '''Chris:''' Love is intensity?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes. I mean, it could go either way. It’s not always good and it’s not always bad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Actually, I understand that. Mmm… yeah, anyway… uh… I don’t really have much on my mind right now. Actually, I do have one question I had-I did want to ask you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' It may not be appropriate, but… yeah. Have you ever… drank? You know, alcoholic beverages.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I have. I’m over twenty-one.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I had my celebratory twenty-first birthday dinner at least. I mean, I don’t drink a lot, but… I-I have had drinks. Why do you ask?
 '''Chris:''' I was just wondering, cause yeah, you know, I’ve had-I’ve had some myself and I don’t drink as much either. [pause] I mean, it’s like, you know… uh… you know, at first I-I did more-did more often, because, you know, it just felt good, but then I realized that’s how bad it was. And then I-and then I stayed of it and I don’t do it as much.
 '''Kacey:''' I-it’s not that bad if you do it in moderation. I mean, one drink won’t kill you or anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, one drink in a d-one drink in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you can have more than one drink, it’s just that you don’t want to get to the point where it rules you, where like, you always have to have a drink.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I don’t-I don’t feel like I have to have a drink every day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Cause, you know, I’ll drink socially.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-yeah, most people are social drinkers.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I just wanted to ask. Get that question out of the way.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, umm… yeah, okay. So, you’re still having feelings for… uh… for Chris, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I did. I was-I was gonna marry him. I mean, I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but… I fell for him really hard. I mean, you don’t know much pain I am-I’m in. I-I-It sucks that I can’t even see him, that I can’t hear him, that I can’t even touch him. I mean, i-it sucks. It hurts.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me before, you know. It’s like, you know, I had high expectations myself. You know, yeah, with the-with the women I talked to one at a time, of course you know, with them. And they either-they either turn out to be trolls or they died.
 '''Kacey:''' O-or they died?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Like… uh… Sarah Jackson for one was in an auto-automobile accident between her car and a truck. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie was involved in that brushfire last-brushfire last January.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote love? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I do not-I have not kept count, but I’m talking about, like you know, yeah, w-we have actually talked to each other for a standard amount of time… and then they-and then they-either they turn out to be trolls or they died. [pause] And this is over the internet, by the way, like it happened between last-between last august and… uh…
 '''Kacey:''' Would you really call that love though? I mean, if you can go in and out of it so easily?
 '''Chris:''' I felt it. I felt it and I still feel for those-for those lost hearts, especially the ones…
 '''Kacey:''' For all of them?
 '''Chris:''' Well, the ones that died. I-I can’t really say that I have positive emotions, you know, for that thirteen-year-old brat who pretended to be a twenty-year-one… twenty-one-year-old girl for two… two-three… two-three months. So, [mutters incoherently] …was the first one that got into my Playstation Network account and conned me-and he con-and that little brat conned me out of so much DLC and even the [unintelligible] version of Burnout Paradise when it was just twenty dollars. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, uh… I guess that would make you angry.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you just seem-you just seem more worked up about the video games than you do talking about love though. I mean, look at-look at the passion you showed, and then I asked you about love and you’re like “whatever.”
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' I think… that’s just not cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you’re right. It’s not. I mean, it’s just that I never learned love beyond… c’mon… it’s like, you know, I never even had my first date up until a few weeks ago, when I-when I went out on that one date.
 '''Kacey:''' W-with who again?
 '''Chris:''' I only-I only out with one date-on one date in my lifetime and that was with Faeryn [mutters incoherently] a month-a couple- a month or two ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, was she pretty?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she was pretty, but after-but after one date, she was like “Oh, I’m not into you.” And then she just broke it-and then she just broke it with me like that. I mean, I was not-I did not feel the pain immediately, because I did have-because I did have one, and this was at the Apple-we had our date at the Applebee’s. You know, it was a Monday night?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had one. But, it’s like, you know, her-it’s like, the emotions didn’t get me right away, but then… y’know, after I sober… uh… after a while, I sobered up and then it all-then it all…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, if you weren’t sober, did you do anything inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what?
 '''Kacey:''' You said that you weren’t sober. Did you do anything in the date that was inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, yeah, maybe I did touch her a few times.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, but this was-this was before I met you. This was before I met you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you should know that anyway, you’re twenty-seven.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… you know, it’s just common sense. Well, I mean… um… since you said she was pretty… uh… what did she look like?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. You saw the picture. Remember that trading card I gave to Kim?
 '''Kacey:''' O-oh, that was her?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, in the-in the second half of the heart-shaped balloon. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… I-I really don’t remember that well. I-I mean, it’s like, I just kind of looked at Kim’s picture, cause you remember, I just commented on that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you did.
 '''Kacey:''' So, so… uh… maybe you could re-describe her for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she heav-yeah, she was a heavy-set girl. Kind of a redhead. Short, short hair. Uh… I think she was about your height. Uh, no wait. I’m sorry. She was a little bit taller. Um… [pause] yeah, she was-she was like… uh… she was-she was a wild, fun one, kind of. She worked at a book sto-she works at a book store over at the downtown mall.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. Cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, all the details, I can’t remember off the top of my head, but the point it is… end-end of date num-at end of date number one, she just told me “I was not at all that into me-all that into you.” She was not all that into…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] What prompted her to say that? Did she just say that out of nowhere? Or did you-did you… proposition her? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she pretty much said that out of nowhere.
 '''Kacey:''' That seems odd. Well, if she would do something like that, she probably wasn’t very nice to begin with. I mean, I don’t do that when I meet guys. I don’t go up to them and go, “By the way, I don’t like you!”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I agree with you. [pause] But, you know, the point is though, I do-I do get lonely a lot, especially during night-during the nighttime, when I’m not talking to anybody.
 '''Kacey:''' Well… uh… maybe you should go out and get some friends, like I, you know, suggested.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim and I were just talking about that. Yeah, need to make more-need-need some more guy friend-need more guy friends to hang out with.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, yeah. That’s definitely good. You definitely should.
 ''Chris:''' Mmm… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Some boys nights out.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, Kim can tell you more about what we talked about in that conversation. But, yeah, it’s not that easy…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why can’t you?
 '''Chris:''' Why can’t I make guy friends? Well…
 '''Kacey:''' No, why can’t you tell me? I mean, should I get my information from Kim?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can’t ‘member all the details. I can tell you what I remember.
 '''Kacey:''' No, that-that’s fine. Just… um…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… anyway, it’s like, you know, yeah. I just basically-I just never cared for guys that much and… uh… I didn’t-I rarely socialized with guy-with men-with boys grow-growing up. Mostly-I mostly socialized with girls.
 '''Kacey:''' D-don’t… okay. I mean, I don’t see why. If you-if you get friends with someone, it doesn’t really matter what gender they are. I mean, it seems like you’re being kind of biased, for no reason. I mean, that’s kinda gay.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' Look, most guys who have a lot of girlfriends would be like that. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… well, I mean, I will admit, I did have a few-I did have a few buddies in my-I did have a few buddies in my lifetime. But, yeah. But, it’s like, you know, they… came-they came and gone. You know. But, you know, we hung out like-like-like a coup-couple of-like straight men, you know. It was okay. But, any-but, anyway, most-anyway, other than that… uh… I just never really-rrreally socialized with men as much as I did with women. Uh… boys…
 '''Kacey:''' But, like I said, i-it feels like you did that because… you’re… biased. Not because the guys weren’t-were really mean or anything.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well-yeah, think about this, though. I mean, this way like, all growing up, this-this is go-this is going on. My neighborhood consisted mostly of young girls. [stammers] …we were the same age. You know, we played together and all that. And, you know… [pause, sound of clock ticking, mutter incoherently] …I had more gal pals than I did… dude-than I did dude buddies.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean… what about in school? There had to be way more guys in school you could interact with.

==Part 2==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|pt4z3iqDThA}}</Center>
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did-I did talk-I did- I told ya, I made-I had a few buddies in high-between the school life… but the point is, you know, yeah. I did not-I just did not have that many guy friends. [pause] It just never happened for me.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean, but was it because… of you, your biasness, or just because… I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' I would say it would contribute to my autism. You know…
 '''Kacey:''' Autism doesn’t make you hate genders, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [yelling] Oh, forget about genders! It’s like, you know I rarely talk to pe-autistic people rarely talk to other people, and they rarely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s bullshit, you know that, right?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, yes, they have social problems, but… I mean, you’re talking to me now. I have experience with this. Don’t try to bullshit me and play that card.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, but I’m just saying, it’s like, you know… it was more… It’s like, okay, growing up I had the girls in the neighborhood. I was introduced to the girls and they were nice to me, they were friendly to me, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, and who’s to say the guys wouldn’t be? Maybe you just didn’t do a lot of guy things. Maybe you were too girly for them or something. Cause that’s the only way I could see, like, little boys picking on another boy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I have do-I have done boy things. I’ve played sports.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' You know, like basketball, volleyball, baseball…
 '''Kacey:''' Volleyball’s not really I guy-sport. That’s really a girl-sport.
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Soccer! Soccer. I’ve played a foot-I’ve played a little football.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, then you should’ve been able to talk to lots of, you know, other boys your age. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and all consider this: my father, he just constantly picked and picked on my nerves. He calls it teach me how to spaaaaar argumentatively and in talking. He just-he just called it that excuse. But, because of like, you know, he has to put it in that sense… it just, pretty much, paints a very sharp-very sharp, high-definition picture in my head about how boys would likely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s just your dad, Chris! That doesn’t represent every male in society. Maybe he’s just trying to be your father. Maybe he’s just trying to teach you something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still, I mean like, you know… and also, I have watched television and I have often seen…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this. Television does not equal real life. You can’t use it as a basis.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, you definitely find in real life that… uh… men often do pick fights, in real life.
 '''Kacey:''' No! Women pick more fights than men do. It’s what women do. I mean… you’ve gotta be kidding. Haven’t you ever heard of a catfight?
 '''Chris:''' I’ve heard catfights.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, women are way more evil, of the two genders, I promise you.
 '''Chris:''' Now that’s-now that’s stupid. No, no, no…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not stupid at all! [chuckles] Obviously, you haven’t been around women enough. I mean, I’m a woman, I would know these things.
 '''Chris:''' I have been around woman a lot in my lifetime, believe me. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, I just don’t think you could speak for that unless you’re a woman, and you’re not a woman, are you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I am not.
 '''Kacey:''' Then you wouldn’t really know, now would you?
 '''Chris:''' I guess that-would not know, I’m not a mind reader. [pause, belches] Excuse me.
 '''Kacey:''' You’re excused. But, I mean, I, yeah, I think Kim’s right. I think you should go out and get some more guy friends.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, okay, you’re a guy too. Have you ever started a fight?
 '''Chris:''' L-let me ponder about that… that would be diving into my memories, right there.
 '''Kacey:''' H-how can you ponder about it? You’ve either started a fight or you haven’t. If you’re saying “all guys start fights,” then you should’ve.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, okay, well, I have-I have started fights, in retrospect. In return, I have picked on my father’s nerves, and gotten to start argument-and started fights with him.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, how?
 '''Chris:''' You know-you know, it’s like, you know… I don’t know. It’s… like a current topic that comes up… I just… I don’t know, I just… find a nerve-I just randomly find a nerve that he’s bothered about and… uh… it’s like, you know, I end up picking on that and then he-and then he raises his voice at me, and then we get into an argument.
 '''Kacey:''' You know, that sounds like stuff women do, but can you give me an example?
 '''Chris:''' [high-pitched yelling] I… just gave you an example!
 '''Kacey:''' You didn’t give me a real one, like you didn’t tell me like, what you said.
 '''Chris:''' [still frustrated] Well, I don’t remember all the audio details.
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t remember any details.
 '''Chris:''' I do. I remember…
 '''Kacey:''' Don’t raise your voice at me.
 '''Chris:''' I remember-I remember details. It’s just, they’re mostly photographic. I can’t-it’s like, you know, I don’t ‘member spoken words or what I said.
 '''Kacey:''' Pho… [sighs] never mind.
 '''Chris:''' But, ye- I mean, but, yeah, it’s like, you know, when it really sinks in, I can-I can remember what was said. When it really sinks in.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, okay, have you ever started a physical fight, like you accuse other boys of doing? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I can honestly say I have not started a physical fight, even though I was physically beat on myself a few times in my life.
 '''Kacey:''' Did you swing back? I mean, did you do anything? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did fi-I did fight back. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' When? Like, do you know of a time when you did that?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know this one-yeah, I know the one time when on the scho-on the… uh… school bus, on the way home. It’s like, you know, I was a constant-I was, like, in constant... you know, I was sitting in the front seat of the bus, and this guy was sitting across the aisle, in the front seat as well… and uh… it’s like, you know, we were in constant competition with each other, and then when he… and then-and one of those times, when he really wanted to really get the jump on me and be the first out of the bus… it’s like, you know… yeah, he gave me-he gave me a physical… hit in the… hit in the-I don’t remember exactly where. But, yeah-but, yeah. Then I pun-then I punched back and then… and then… a couple more punches and then… he kno-he punched me so hard in the face, it knocked my glasses off. He knocked my glasses off! [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, did you bleed?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did bleed.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, from your nose or something? Or your lip?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had a few bleed spots from my face. I think-yeah, I had a nosebleed.
 '''Kacey:''' What did your parents do? O-or was that when they took you off the bus and put you on the bus short?
 '''Chris:''' That was when-right after that happened, they took me off the regular bus and they put me on the stupid handicapped bus.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you got to leave class a little early. Wasn’t that cool?
 '''Chris:''' No, I did not have to leave class early. I left cla-I left class at the same time as everybody else.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' Buses-all the buses left at the same time.
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry, most schools… uh… those buses leave earlier.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, those-those buses did not leave earlier. They left at the same time. [pause] Anyway, I-anyway, I did-anyway, I cared not-I cared not care much for any of those handicapped bus rides, especially with the one reta-
 '''Kacey:''' Why?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one slow-minded individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.
 '''Kacey:''' Why didn’t-why didn’t you just move?
 '''Chris:''' I was sitting in my usual seat, you know, front…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why didn’t you just move? [pause] I mean, if somebody’s doing that to you, isn’t it common sense to move?
 '''Chris:''' I did not want to move. My constant-my con…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then it didn’t really matter that much…
 '''Chris:''' My con… [quickly quiets down] My constant…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-uh.
 '''Chris:''' I’m talking. My constant routine…
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn’t mean you need to…
 '''Chris:''' …was riding on the right side of the bus.
 '''Kacey:''' [sternly] Don’t you. Don’t you! Stop! You raise your voice at me again and I will-I will leave this phone call.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, but still. It was my constant routine that I ride on the right side of the bus, on the front seat, and this guy was, like, two seats behind me.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well then he really shouldn’t have been able to reach you, and even then, if it was bothering you that much, couldn’t you tell the bus driver or just move? Would it really have killed you to move?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, no. Uh… yeah, I did-I did not like breaking my routine-oh, wait. I did eventually move. But, any-but, yeah, I did tell the bus driver. I also told the special aide… person that rode on the bus practically every bus ride. I did not care for much-much for her either. I mean, like, you know, I tried being friendly-I tried being friends with her, but… still, it’s like, you know, she was all-all butch and…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Very forceful. It’s like, you know, I just didn’t care much for her.
 '''Kacey:''' What do you mean “she was all butch?”
 '''Chris:''' You know, she constantly raised her voice, for one thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe she was just trying to establish authority. But, how does that make her butch?
 '''Chris:''' Her tone of voice was butch.
 '''Kacey:''' A-are you saying she had a deep voice?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, she did have a deep voice. Yes she did.
 '''Kacey:''' Have you ever thought of writing these stories down in the CWCipedia, so that people might be able to understand you more? You know, see what you’ve gone through?
 '''Chris:''' I can’t think of everything for me to put on the Cwcipedia, and plus that kind of information is one that-only the trolls would just mock me about. “Oh, you rode on the handicapped bus! You were…”
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but you’re… okay, but the trolls already know that, don’t they? Wh-maybe if you put these stories on there, your fans would appreciate you more.
 '''Chris:''' I’ll think about it. I’ll think about that. [pause] Yeah, it’s a whole-so much-so many stories in my lifetime I-and I do remember them all. It’s just, you know, most of them are buried in my head, and it would take me a while…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… well, how about… uh… old essays from high school, you know, so even-at least I could see more of your high school life? Like old English essays or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I have some of those.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I would definitely be interested in seeing those on the CWCipedia soon.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I will definitely think about that and… uh… and I will consider putting-putting-looking-finding those and putting those in the CWCipedia, and I emphasize finding those…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, don’t think about it. I wasn’t you to do that, okay. Can you do that for me?
 '''Chris:''' I’ll put up a few on the CWCipedia, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Thank you. Thank you. That means a lot to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pauses, then sighs] Yeah, I’m kind of tired right now. Ummm… is it okay if we end-if we end-end it for now, tonight? We can talk-we can talk again tomorrow night.
 '''Kacey:''' No, that’s fine.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, well you take care. Stay safe.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Talk to you later.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, bye.

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?frfx699g1akern5 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 10]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 9

2012-03-06T01:56:11Z

Danooct1: /* Part 1 */

3 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] says he's okay being just friends. However, one second later, he says that [[Kacey]] telling him they're just friends is like "stabbing him in the heart".
*Chris: "When I feel love, I feel da happy tingling, I feel happy, elated and ecstatic".
*Chris nervously asks if Kacey has ever drank [[alcohol]], apparently Chris briefly drank a lot but now he only drinks "socially".
*Chris is confused and disappointed that Kacey still has feelings for [[Liquid Chris]]. Chris understands because he had strong feelings for girls in the past, but they were all [[trolls]] or they [[death|died]].
*Kacey questions how Chris can be in love with so many girls.
*Chris gets mad about getting his [[PSN]] accounts hacked. Kacey points out that he's way more passionate about that than about those girls.
*Chris angrily recounts his one date with [[Faeryn]] and how she told him "I'm just not into you", and she totally "said that out of nowhere". Kacey asks what went wrong. Chris: "Maybe I did touch her a few times... but this was before I met you!" Kacey gets Chris to describe Faeryn, probably trying to get him to call her fat. He describes her as heavyset and a "wild fun one."
*Chris needs more "guy friends" to hang out with, Chris says he never socialized with guys growing up. Kacey says it's "kinda gay" that he only had [[gal pals|female friends]], so he backpedals and says that he had some male buddies growing up and they "hung out like straight men".
*Chris says that his autism makes it so he can't make any friends that are guys. Kacey says that Chris is bullshitting.
*Kacey says he was probably "too girly" for the other guys. Chris says he has done "boy things" such as playing soccer, volleyball, and football in [[high school]]. Chris blames his [[autism]], his [[father]], and other males for his not having male friends.
*Kacey says women are way more evil than men. Chris says "that's stupid," then goes on to say that he knows more about women than Kacey due to [[TV]].
*Kacey asks if Chris has ever started a fight, Chris says he needs to "ponder about it" for a bit. He then says yes, with his father. He argues with his father a lot, gets pretty angry when talking about it.
*Kacey asks for a story, and Chris starts whining and raising his voice about his memory and how Kacey is asking too much of him.
*"I don't remember spoken words or what I've said".
*Chris says he's never started a physical fight, but he totally fought back when people beat on him
*Some kid punched Chris on the bus and knocked his glasses off. HE KNOCKED HIS [[glasses|GLASSES]] OFF. The fight was caused because Chris wanted to get off the bus before another kid. Chris claims he fought back (note that he tells a different version of this story to [[Jackie]] one year later). After this fight he got put on the Special Ed Bus, where some kid named Tony would tap him on the head and spit on him. Chris wouldn't move seats because he didn't want to find a new seat from what he would choose every day. "IT WAS MY CONSTANT ROUTINE THAT I RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS IN THE FRONT SEAT"
*Chris starts raising his voice and Kacey threatens to hang up.
*The "Special Aid Worker" on the bus didn't help Chris, Chris didn't like her because "she was all butch" and would raise her voice to Chris.
*Kacey suggests for him to type his stories up and to put them on [[CWCipedia]]. Chris thinks if the trolls hear about this they will mock him for it, but then says he'll think about it.
*Chris gets stressed out and asks permission to get off the phone.

== Part 1 ==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|Xg21J2GlS0Q}}</Center>

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris. It’s Kacey. How are ya?
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace. I’m okay. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. Just tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Long day at work.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh… [unintelligible] I fairly much-I fairly much got over what happened last night. And uh… you know, I’m still-I’m still gonna be friends with you. I just want to let you know about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you get over it? What do you mean by that?
 '''Chris:''' C’mon, didn’t you get the email I sent you last night?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I did. You told me to watch some movies. I already did, and I was like, I don’t get it.
 '''Chris:''' Telling somebody you’re gonna be– telling somebody whose hopeful expectations of something better than being just friends [unintelligible] just friends forever. That’s like stabbing him-that’s like stabbing him in the back or in the heart.
 '''Kacey:''' And you think that trying to push attentions on somebody who’s in love with someone else isn’t like stabbing them in the heart?
 '''Chris:''' I did not say that and I did not… I…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you just can’t predict the future and you can’t force things on people, like I just want you to respect how I feel right now. I mean, actions speak louder than words. I mean… just, right now… I mean, I’m not saying I know what’s gonna happen, but you can’t either. I mean… just, right now it’s like, you’ve gotta understand what I’m going through.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And for you to go behind my back and tell people that I’m gonna be your girlfriend… I mean, just, you know… you would ruin anything you could’ve had anyway. Just, right now is not the time, and you need to respect that. I’m not saying that I hate you or anything. I’m just saying… no.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, do you not understand how much pain I’m going through?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do understand. I do understand, you know? Yeah, the guy… he left you…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I don’t think you do. I mean, do you… do you even know what love is? What is love to you?
 '''Chris:''' Love, to me, is like a lot of things. It’s complicated to talk about, like most anybody else would, but you know, when I feel love, it’s like I feel… I feel the tingle-I feel the happy tingling and I feel happy, elated, ecstatic… and the-and it just feels-it just feels really really good. And I still…
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but love is pain too, you know, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, love is just intensity.
 '''Chris:''' Love is intensity?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes. I mean, it could go either way. It’s not always good and it’s not always bad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Actually, I understand that. Mmm… yeah, anyway… uh… I don’t really have much on my mind right now. Actually, I do have one question I had-I did want to ask you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' It may not be appropriate, but… yeah. Have you ever… drank? You know, alcoholic beverages.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I have. I’m over twenty-one.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I had my celebratory twenty-first birthday dinner at least. I mean, I don’t drink a lot, but… I-I have had drinks. Why do you ask?
 '''Chris:''' I was just wondering, cause yeah, you know, I’ve had-I’ve had some myself and I don’t drinky as much either. [pause] I mean, it’s like, you know… uh… you know, at first I-I did more-did more often, because, you know, it just felt good, but then I realized that’s how bad it was. And then I-and then I stayed of it and I don’t do it as much.
 '''Kacey:''' I-it’s not that bad if you do it in moderation. I mean, one drink won’t kill you or anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, one drink in a d-one drink in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you can have more than one drink, it’s just that you don’t want to get to the point where it rules you, where like, you always have to have a drink.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I don’t-I don’t feel like I have to have a drink every day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Cause, you know, I’ll drink socially.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-yeah, most people are social drinkers.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I just wanted to ask. Get that question out of the way.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, umm… yeah, okay. So, you’re still having feelings for… uh… for Chris, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I did. I was-I was gonna marry him. I mean, I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but… I fell for him really hard. I mean, you don’t know much pain I am-I’m in. I-I-It sucks that I can’t even see him, that I can’t hear him, that I can’t even touch him. I mean, i-it sucks. It hurts.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me before, you know. It’s like, you know, I had high expectations myself. You know, yeah, with the-with the women I talked to one at a time, of course you know, with them. And they either-they either turn out to be trolls or they died.
 '''Kacey:''' O-or they died?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Like… uh… Sarah Jackson for one was in an auto-automobile accident between her car and a truck. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie was involved in that brushfire last-brushfire last January.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote love? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I do not-I have not kept count, but I’m talking about, like you know, yeah, w-we have actually talked to each other for a standard amount of time… and then they-and then they-either they turn out to be trolls or they died. [pause] And this is over the internet, by the way, like it happened between last-between last august and… uh…
 '''Kacey:''' Would you really call that love though? I mean, if you can go in and out of it so easily?
 '''Chris:''' I felt it. I felt it and I still feel for those-for those lost hearts, especially the ones…
 '''Kacey:''' For all of them?
 '''Chris:''' Well, the ones that died. I-I can’t really say that I have positive emotions, you know, for that thirteen-year-old brat who pretended to be a twenty-year-one… twenty-one-year-old girl for two… two-three… two-three months. So, [mutters incoherently] …was the first one that got into my Playstation Network account and conned me-and he con-and that little brat conned me out of so much DLC and even the [unintelligible] version of Burnout Paradise when it was just twenty dollars. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, uh… I guess that would make you angry.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you just seem-you just seem more worked up about the video games than you do talking about love though. I mean, look at-look at the passion you showed, and then I asked you about love and you’re like “whatever.”
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' I think… that’s just not cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you’re right. It’s not. I mean, it’s just that I never learned love beyond… c’mon… it’s like, you know, I never even had my first date up until a few weeks ago, when I-when I went out on that one date.
 '''Kacey:''' W-with who again?
 '''Chris:''' I only-I only out with one date-on one date in my lifetime and that was with Faeryn [mutters incoherently] a month-a couple- a month or two ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, was she pretty?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she was pretty, but after-but after one date, she was like “Oh, I’m not into you.” And then she just broke it-and then she just broke it with me like that. I mean, I was not-I did not feel the pain immediately, because I did have-because I did have one, and this was at the Apple-we had our date at the Applebee’s. You know, it was a Monday night?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had one. But, it’s like, you know, her-it’s like, the emotions didn’t get me right away, but then… y’know, after I sober… uh… after a while, I sobered up and then it all-then it all…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, if you weren’t sober, did you do anything inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what?
 '''Kacey:''' You said that you weren’t sober. Did you do anything in the date that was inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, yeah, maybe I did touch her a few times.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, but this was-this was before I met you. This was before I met you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you should know that anyway, you’re twenty-seven.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… you know, it’s just common sense. Well, I mean… um… since you said she was pretty… uh… what did she look like?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. You saw the picture. Remember that trading card I gave to Kim?
 '''Kacey:''' O-oh, that was her?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, in the-in the second half of the heart-shaped balloon. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… I-I really don’t remember that well. I-I mean, it’s like, I just kind of looked at Kim’s picture, cause you remember, I just commented on that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you did.
 '''Kacey:''' So, so… uh… maybe you could re-describe her for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she heav-yeah, she was a heavy-set girl. Kind of a redhead. Short, short hair. Uh… I think she was about your height. Uh, no wait. I’m sorry. She was a little bit taller. Um… [pause] yeah, she was-she was like… uh… she was-she was a wild, fun one, kind of. She worked at a book sto-she works at a book store over at the downtown mall.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. Cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, all the details, I can’t remember off the top of my head, but the point it is… end-end of date num-at end of date number one, she just told me “I was not at all that into me-all that into you.” She was not all that into…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] What prompted her to say that? Did she just say that out of nowhere? Or did you-did you… proposition her? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she pretty much said that out of nowhere.
 '''Kacey:''' That seems odd. Well, if she would do something like that, she probably wasn’t very nice to begin with. I mean, I don’t do that when I meet guys. I don’t go up to them and go, “By the way, I don’t like you!”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I agree with you. [pause] But, you know, the point is though, I do-I do get lonely a lot, especially during night-during the nighttime, when I’m not talking to anybody.
 '''Kacey:''' Well… uh… maybe you should go out and get some friends, like I, you know, suggested.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim and I were just talking about that. Yeah, need to make more-need-need some more guy friend-need more guy friends to hang out with.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, yeah. That’s definitely good. You definitely should.
 ''Chris:''' Mmm… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Some boys nights out.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, Kim can tell you more about what we talked about in that conversation. But, yeah, it’s not that easy…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why can’t you?
 '''Chris:''' Why can’t I make guy friends? Well…
 '''Kacey:''' No, why can’t you tell me? I mean, should I get my information from Kim?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can’t ‘member all the details. I can tell you what I remember.
 '''Kacey:''' No, that-that’s fine. Just… um…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… anyway, it’s like, you know, yeah. I just basically-I just never cared for guys that much and… uh… I didn’t-I rarely socialized with guy-with men-with boys grow-growing up. Mostly-I mostly socialized with girls.
 '''Kacey:''' D-don’t… okay. I mean, I don’t see why. If you-if you get friends with someone, it doesn’t really matter what gender they are. I mean, it seems like you’re being kind of biased, for no reason. I mean, that’s kinda gay.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' Look, most guys who have a lot of girlfriends would be like that. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… well, I mean, I will admit, I did have a few-I did have a few buddies in my-I did have a few buddies in my lifetime. But, yeah. But, it’s like, you know, they… came-they came and gone. You know. But, you know, we hung out like-like-like a coup-couple of-like straight men, you know. It was okay. But, any-but, anyway, most-anyway, other than that… uh… I just never really-rrreally socialized with men as much as I did with women. Uh… boys…
 '''Kacey:''' But, like I said, i-it feels like you did that because… you’re… biased. Not because the guys weren’t-were really mean or anything.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well-yeah, think about this, though. I mean, this way like, all growing up, this-this is go-this is going on. My neighborhood consisted mostly of young girls. [stammers] …we were the same age. You know, we played together and all that. And, you know… [pause, sound of clock ticking, mutter incoherently] …I had more gal pals than I did… dude-than I did dude buddies.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean… what about in school? There had to be way more guys in school you could interact with.

==Part 2==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|pt4z3iqDThA}}</Center>
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did-I did talk-I did- I told ya, I made-I had a few buddies in high-between the school life… but the point is, you know, yeah. I did not-I just did not have that many guy friends. [pause] It just never happened for me.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean, but was it because… of you, your biasness, or just because… I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' I would say it would contribute to my autism. You know…
 '''Kacey:''' Autism doesn’t make you hate genders, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [yelling] Oh, forget about genders! It’s like, you know I rarely talk to pe-autistic people rarely talk to other people, and they rarely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s bullshit, you know that, right?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, yes, they have social problems, but… I mean, you’re talking to me now. I have experience with this. Don’t try to bullshit me and play that card.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, but I’m just saying, it’s like, you know… it was more… It’s like, okay, growing up I had the girls in the neighborhood. I was introduced to the girls and they were nice to me, they were friendly to me, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, and who’s to say the guys wouldn’t be? Maybe you just didn’t do a lot of guy things. Maybe you were too girly for them or something. Cause that’s the only way I could see, like, little boys picking on another boy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I have do-I have done boy things. I’ve played sports.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' You know, like basketball, volleyball, baseball…
 '''Kacey:''' Volleyball’s not really I guy-sport. That’s really a girl-sport.
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Soccer! Soccer. I’ve played a foot-I’ve played a little football.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, then you should’ve been able to talk to lots of, you know, other boys your age. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and all consider this: my father, he just constantly picked and picked on my nerves. He calls it teach me how to spaaaaar argumentatively and in talking. He just-he just called it that excuse. But, because of like, you know, he has to put it in that sense… it just, pretty much, paints a very sharp-very sharp, high-definition picture in my head about how boys would likely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s just your dad, Chris! That doesn’t represent every male in society. Maybe he’s just trying to be your father. Maybe he’s just trying to teach you something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still, I mean like, you know… and also, I have watched television and I have often seen…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this. Television does not equal real life. You can’t use it as a basis.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, you definitely find in real life that… uh… men often do pick fights, in real life.
 '''Kacey:''' No! Women pick more fights than men do. It’s what women do. I mean… you’ve gotta be kidding. Haven’t you ever heard of a catfight?
 '''Chris:''' I’ve heard catfights.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, women are way more evil, of the two genders, I promise you.
 '''Chris:''' Now that’s-now that’s stupid. No, no, no…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not stupid at all! [chuckles] Obviously, you haven’t been around women enough. I mean, I’m a woman, I would know these things.
 '''Chris:''' I have been around woman a lot in my lifetime, believe me. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, I just don’t think you could speak for that unless you’re a woman, and you’re not a woman, are you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I am not.
 '''Kacey:''' Then you wouldn’t really know, now would you?
 '''Chris:''' I guess that-would not know, I’m not a mind reader. [pause, belches] Excuse me.
 '''Kacey:''' You’re excused. But, I mean, I, yeah, I think Kim’s right. I think you should go out and get some more guy friends.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, okay, you’re a guy too. Have you ever started a fight?
 '''Chris:''' L-let me ponder about that… that would be diving into my memories, right there.
 '''Kacey:''' H-how can you ponder about it? You’ve either started a fight or you haven’t. If you’re saying “all guys start fights,” then you should’ve.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, okay, well, I have-I have started fights, in retrospect. In return, I have picked on my father’s nerves, and gotten to start argument-and started fights with him.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, how?
 '''Chris:''' You know-you know, it’s like, you know… I don’t know. It’s… like a current topic that comes up… I just… I don’t know, I just… find a nerve-I just randomly find a nerve that he’s bothered about and… uh… it’s like, you know, I end up picking on that and then he-and then he raises his voice at me, and then we get into an argument.
 '''Kacey:''' You know, that sounds like stuff women do, but can you give me an example?
 '''Chris:''' [high-pitched yelling] I… just gave you an example!
 '''Kacey:''' You didn’t give me a real one, like you didn’t tell me like, what you said.
 '''Chris:''' [still frustrated] Well, I don’t remember all the audio details.
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t remember any details.
 '''Chris:''' I do. I remember…
 '''Kacey:''' Don’t raise your voice at me.
 '''Chris:''' I remember-I remember details. It’s just, they’re mostly photographic. I can’t-it’s like, you know, I don’t ‘member spoken words or what I said.
 '''Kacey:''' Pho… [sighs] never mind.
 '''Chris:''' But, ye- I mean, but, yeah, it’s like, you know, when it really sinks in, I can-I can remember what was said. When it really sinks in.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, okay, have you ever started a physical fight, like you accuse other boys of doing? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I can honestly say I have not started a physical fight, even though I was physically beat on myself a few times in my life.
 '''Kacey:''' Did you swing back? I mean, did you do anything? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did fi-I did fight back. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' When? Like, do you know of a time when you did that?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know this one-yeah, I know the one time when on the scho-on the… uh… school bus, on the way home. It’s like, you know, I was a constant-I was, like, in constant... you know, I was sitting in the front seat of the bus, and this guy was sitting across the aisle, in the front seat as well… and uh… it’s like, you know, we were in constant competition with each other, and then when he… and then-and one of those times, when he really wanted to really get the jump on me and be the first out of the bus… it’s like, you know… yeah, he gave me-he gave me a physical… hit in the… hit in the-I don’t remember exactly where. But, yeah-but, yeah. Then I pun-then I punched back and then… and then… a couple more punches and then… he kno-he punched me so hard in the face, it knocked my glasses off. He knocked my glasses off! [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, did you bleed?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did bleed.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, from your nose or something? Or your lip?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had a few bleed spots from my face. I think-yeah, I had a nosebleed.
 '''Kacey:''' What did your parents do? O-or was that when they took you off the bus and put you on the bus short?
 '''Chris:''' That was when-right after that happened, they took me off the regular bus and they put me on the stupid handicapped bus.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you got to leave class a little early. Wasn’t that cool?
 '''Chris:''' No, I did not have to leave class early. I left cla-I left class at the same time as everybody else.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' Buses-all the buses left at the same time.
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry, most schools… uh… those buses leave earlier.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, those-those buses did not leave earlier. They left at the same time. [pause] Anyway, I-anyway, I did-anyway, I cared not-I cared not care much for any of those handicapped bus rides, especially with the one reta-
 '''Kacey:''' Why?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one slow-minded individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.
 '''Kacey:''' Why didn’t-why didn’t you just move?
 '''Chris:''' I was sitting in my usual seat, you know, front…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why didn’t you just move? [pause] I mean, if somebody’s doing that to you, isn’t it common sense to move?
 '''Chris:''' I did not want to move. My constant-my con…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then it didn’t really matter that much…
 '''Chris:''' My con… [quickly quiets down] My constant…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-uh.
 '''Chris:''' I’m talking. My constant routine…
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn’t mean you need to…
 '''Chris:''' …was riding on the right side of the bus.
 '''Kacey:''' [sternly] Don’t you. Don’t you! Stop! You raise your voice at me again and I will-I will leave this phone call.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, but still. It was my constant routine that I ride on the right side of the bus, on the front seat, and this guy was, like, two seats behind me.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well then he really shouldn’t have been able to reach you, and even then, if it was bothering you that much, couldn’t you tell the bus driver or just move? Would it really have killed you to move?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, no. Uh… yeah, I did-I did not like breaking my routine-oh, wait. I did eventually move. But, any-but, yeah, I did tell the bus driver. I also told the special aide… person that rode on the bus practically every bus ride. I did not care for much-much for her either. I mean, like, you know, I tried being friendly-I tried being friends with her, but… still, it’s like, you know, she was all-all butch and…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Very forceful. It’s like, you know, I just didn’t care much for her.
 '''Kacey:''' What do you mean “she was all butch?”
 '''Chris:''' You know, she constantly raised her voice, for one thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe she was just trying to establish authority. But, how does that make her butch?
 '''Chris:''' Her tone of voice was butch.
 '''Kacey:''' A-are you saying she had a deep voice?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, she did have a deep voice. Yes she did.
 '''Kacey:''' Have you ever thought of writing these stories down in the CWCipedia, so that people might be able to understand you more? You know, see what you’ve gone through?
 '''Chris:''' I can’t think of everything for me to put on the Cwcipedia, and plus that kind of information is one that-only the trolls would just mock me about. “Oh, you rode on the handicapped bus! You were…”
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but you’re… okay, but the trolls already know that, don’t they? Wh-maybe if you put these stories on there, your fans would appreciate you more.
 '''Chris:''' I’ll think about it. I’ll think about that. [pause] Yeah, it’s a whole-so much-so many stories in my lifetime I-and I do remember them all. It’s just, you know, most of them are buried in my head, and it would take me a while…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… well, how about… uh… old essays from high school, you know, so even-at least I could see more of your high school life? Like old English essays or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I have some of those.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I would definitely be interested in seeing those on the CWCipedia soon.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I will definitely think about that and… uh… and I will consider putting-putting-looking-finding those and putting those in the CWCipedia, and I emphasize finding those…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, don’t think about it. I wasn’t you to do that, okay. Can you do that for me?
 '''Chris:''' I’ll put up a few on the CWCipedia, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Thank you. Thank you. That means a lot to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pauses, then sighs] Yeah, I’m kind of tired right now. Ummm… is it okay if we end-if we end-end it for now, tonight? We can talk-we can talk again tomorrow night.
 '''Kacey:''' No, that’s fine.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, well you take care. Stay safe.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Talk to you later.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, bye.

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?frfx699g1akern5 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 10]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Chris and the law

2012-01-26T20:00:11Z

Danooct1: /* In the comic */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkops|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> and has attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit...while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and commit assault with a [[Megatron Pistol|deadly weapon]] upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[Tobacky|smoking]].<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person (i.e. anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the [[Target]] incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting," whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==

===2004===
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with [[Jerkop|mall security]].

In his [[Calling Out|three new videos]] posted after 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the [[trolls]] threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused [[Michael Snyder]] of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (aka pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Michael Snyder did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PS3]], numerous children's [[toys]] and the five or so dollars in Chris's bank account.

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and two misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''third'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. Only time will tell if Chris's latest skirmish with law enforcement will be the end of it all. In any case, it appears that the Virginia justice system has finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris has found both himself and his [[barb|mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. While it's debatable as to what Snyder could actually win from Chris, it may very well be the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On [[28 October 2011]], Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, ill-health and dependent son will probably earn her clemency.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure [[autistic]] logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, so he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[Jerks|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the [[Wikipedia:Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], specifically [[Wikipedia:Freedom of Speech|Freedom of Speech]].

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==
Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. [[Smoking]] or drinking [[alcohol]] would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as [[CWCville]] uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] has shown no less than four grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[terrorism]] as Chris heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris and the law

2012-01-26T19:58:50Z

Danooct1: /* 2011 */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkops|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> and has attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit...while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and commit assault with a [[Megatron Pistol|deadly weapon]] upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[Tobacky|smoking]].<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person (i.e. anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the [[Target]] incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting," whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==

===2004===
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with [[Jerkop|mall security]].

In his [[Calling Out|three new videos]] posted after 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the [[trolls]] threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused [[Michael Snyder]] of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (aka pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Michael Snyder did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PS3]], numerous children's [[toys]] and the five or so dollars in Chris's bank account.

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and two misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''third'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. Only time will tell if Chris's latest skirmish with law enforcement will be the end of it all. In any case, it appears that the Virginia justice system has finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris has found both himself and his [[barb|mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. While it's debatable as to what Snyder could actually win from Chris, it may very well be the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On [[28 October 2011]], Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, ill-health and dependent son will probably earn her clemency.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure [[autistic]] logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, so he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[Jerks|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the [[Wikipedia:Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], specifically [[Wikipedia:Freedom of Speech|Freedom of Speech]].

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==
Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. [[Smoking]] or drinking [[alcohol]] would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as [[CWCville]] uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] has shown no less than four grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[terrorism]] as Chris heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

REAL Protest against the FAKE

2011-11-21T12:12:42Z

Danooct1: /* Transcript */

"'''REAL Protest against the FAKE'''" is a video uploaded in [[July 2009]] by [[Solid Chris]] (Ian Brandon Anderson) in protest of the True and Honest CWC, CChanSonichuCWC ([[Liquid Chris]]). Even in real life, Ian appears to be stuck in the [[Time Void]], because he still thinks it's June. This is the same mistake that he made in [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|his last Captain's Log video]].

The video description is a notable display of Ian in rage mode not seen since the days of [[Jimmy Hill]]:
{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC]". HE IS CRAPPY, and his Nasal Voice is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL! }}

Ian led this reactionary protest movement gloriously from victory to victory for about an hour or so, after which the video was deleted. The wrath, it seems, was more than he could bear.

Ian returned the video to YouTube on 23 July. His reasons for taking it down only to upload it again a day later remain a mystery.

==Background==

On 21 July 2009, [[Liquid Chris]] uploaded a video on how he set up a vendor booth at the popular Otakon [[anime]] convention and made a fortune off OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL Sonichu merchandise. It was revealed in the [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails]] that [[Jack]], (who was currently holding Ian's PSN hostage) informed Ian about Chris's massive success.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = July 21, 2009 - Sale of OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL SONICHU Merchandise of CWC, NO FAKERIES OR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bW6Ki-RH2M8}}
| Stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter =
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
Greetings to my fans on YouTube! I am sorrowfully sorry that I—uh haven't posted a video for awhile. But, uh, I have been very busy, making er—making th—rollin' '''in the dolla bills'''! [''flashes fat wad''] Um, uh, I'll tell you what, and—er—this past weekend, I went to Otakon, which if y'all—if you all don't know what that—if y'all don't that, uh, the Ota—[''noticeable jump cut'']—convention... for some anime and video games and, uh, Japanese cu.... Yeah.

So, anyway, I took my original and official Sonichu merch—ah, merch—merchandise, uh, over there, and what was...—it was, uh, replica medallions. [''holds medallion up to camera''] Uh, and, uh, my—my—my comic... and I baked some myself, some chocky-chip cookies, uh, in the shape of Sonichu's head. So I actually sold all my merchandise by the afternoon time, and uh—made uh—'''lots of money'''! [''flashes cash''] Uh, here it is, there.

So, uh, this time I'm going to, uh, spend it on my church congregation and buy my pastor, Elizabeth, a copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. I—I, uh—I hope she has a [[PS3]]. [''big smile'']

Now, because I, uh—sold all my stuff, I can't show you any of it because, uh, it's not here. But, uh, I am—uh, I am replenishing my, uh, my stock. So, my official stock there. So, uh, if—if you want to all buy straight from the source, I am, uh—I will be working to set—to set up a original webpage to sell it on. So, uh, be looking forward to that. Uh, to that, uh, I'll tell you what. Anyway, um, peace. Have a good day.

==Youtube comments from Ian==

Ian quickly got wind of this and was furious at the idea of someone slandering his good name by being thin, successful, and self motivated.

;First comment

"GIVE IT UP, Dumbass. YOU are Not Me, the Real CWC, and you Wish you Were. I Challenge you to Sow yourself in my Real Life Presence, O I can really give you a piece of my mind.

No Peace,
Christian C."

;Second comment

"Hey, DUMBASS! YOU WISH YOU WERE ME! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA]]
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, [[Speech impediment|YOUR NASAL VOICE]] IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "[[Naive]]" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day.
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler"

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 22 July 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wn8RBijuT1g}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Trollin More]]
| next = [[Do Not Dis C Ville]]
}}

{{quote|I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image. }}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], June 22nd: 200—no, I'm sorry—''July'' 22nd, 2009.

As you all may have heard about the quote/unquote "Christian Weston Chandler" that went to the Otakon in the past weekend and actually uploaded a video of himself in a stupid, brown-striped shirt with a [''voice breaks''] paper thin medal replica—paper thin. If you want the official merchandise, the medallion is made... '''from'''... '''clay'''. '''''Clay'''''! C-L-A-Y.

And, not only that, [''voice cracks again''] remember my face? ''My'' face?

And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.

Do not buy anymore from this ''crappy'' impostor; do not give him anymore money.

[''voice hits even higher pitch than before''] And he's saying he's gonna give to quote/unquote "his" congregation with ''my'' Elizabeth Foss—it's ''my'' congregation, ''not'' his! [''voice breaks even higher''] ''Who'' does the impostor think he is? ''DOWN with him''! [''mimics the Undertaker''] ''Burn in hell''.

And worst of all: that nasally voice of his, to think it—they can get away with as mine. [''tries to flip the bird, but points instead, then corrects self''] He's got another thing coming.

As for the rest of you that have been—that are good and true... peace to all of you. Have a pleasant day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Trollin More]]|nextlink=[[It's UGH!]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-07-22]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-22]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-22]]

Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean

2011-11-18T02:41:24Z

Danooct1: /* See also */

[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb|Chris overestimates his own [[power]] as he begs the [[Trolls|masses]] to support his cause.]]
'''Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean''' (full title "'''04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV'''") is an audio recording released by [[Chris]] chronicling an attempt to get himself unbanned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] by confronting [[Michael Snyder]], the [[manajerks|manager]] who permanently ejected him from the store in the summer of [[2008]]. Chris recorded their conversation by hiding a video camera in his pocket. The phrase "ColdHearted" in the title is supposed to be a [[Random-access humor|play on the title of ''Pokemon HeartGold'']].

As usual, Chris adds this to his list of fails as Michael is unmoved by his attempts to get back in, and is entirely justified in this belief. According to Michael himself, Chris's plea was a script he had written down on a piece of paper.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comments]</ref> He also, it seems, can't remember why he was kicked out of the store in the first place. He mentions a "[[Nintendo|Wii]] incident," an occasion where he angered the management with his regular habit of taking over the store's television with his [[video game]] consoles, but otherwise he appears to be genuinely confused as to why Snyder won't let him back in. Oddly, yet hilariously, Chris adds to his streak of [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racist videos]] by shouting "JEW!" at Michael as he leaves the store, [[South Park|like a certain other egotistical fat kid]]. Of note, Michael is not actually Jewish, and the last name Snyder (or Schneider) is German in origin.

The conversation took place on 12 [[April 2010]] and Chris uploaded it to [[YouTube]] later the same day. Shortly after it was posted, the recording was removed from YouTube due to a terms of use violation, either because of Chris's anti-Semitic attitude, because the recording itself may have been illegal, or because of the dox and incitement to harass dropped in the description. In the early morning hours of the next day, Chris added a text-only [[:File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|image]] on the front page of [[CWCipedia]] accusing Michael Snyder of [[Kick the Autistic|discriminating against him]] for having [[autism]], and linked to a troll mirror of the deleted video (which he had mistaken for a fan).

One way or another, this video is absolute proof of Chris violating the law—he dropped into the store unannounced with full knowledge that he wasn't supposed to be there. [[Virginia]] defines this as "trespassing", which is a crime punishable by a fine not to exceed $2500, at most one year in prison, or both. According to Mimms, cops were called after this happened, though Michael was unable to press the issue.

==Prelude to the madness==

On 21 April 2010, a woman named Jackie dropped a number of e-mails<ref>See [[Jackie e-mails]], [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]] and [[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> between herself and Chris. In one of the letters, Chris reveals that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church the day before the video was released. When one of the cashiers saw Chris and recognized him, he threatened to call the cops. Chris got angry and bolted.

Finding out Michael Snyder would appear the next day, Chris had his plan - approach Michael and attempt to get the ban lifted. Chris's plan was that if Michael did not lift the ban after this long, [[Chris and the Law|he would call the cops]]. Chris hid a camera in his pocket with the intent of using it as evidence in the event he had to resort to this.

==Description==
{{quotebox|This happened on my recent visit to the Game & Hobby Place. My Camera was hidden in my Vest Pocket.

I encourage all to go there in person, find Michael, and [[Chris and hypocrisy|pester/Troll]] the hell out of him (other employees who support him optional). Also say to Michael, "[[Chris and race|Do Not Discriminate]] Against People like Christian Weston Chandler."

243 Ridge McIntire Road Charlottesville, VA 22903 (434) 984-1040}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6odVsyr3I40}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[F Abstinance]]
| next = [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]}}

{{quote|I'm a better person...}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is speaking into a recorder. From the sound of it, it seems like he is inside his [[Son-chu|car]].'']

'''Chris:''' This is Christian Weston Chandler, [[Captain's Log]]. Stardate... 4:34 PM, Monday, April 12, 2010. I am about to go into the Game and Comic Hobby Place — also sell toys there — to get myself, to try to get myself unbanned and get forgiveness for the mistake I have made almost a year ago when I was banned from the store in June of 2008.

[''Heavy [[sigh]] from Chris'']

'''Chris:''' The dude who banned me was, his name is Michael Snyder, possibly a [[Chris and race#Jews|Jew]] considering his last name. Nothing bad against the Jews, but I'm just throwin' it out there. Alright, so, here I go. [''sigh'']

[''Chris turns off the engine and leaves his car. He approaches The Game Place, and the chime of the store's door alarm can be heard as he goes inside. "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray faintly plays in the background, while we get a good view of the inside of Chris's pocket.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, I'm here to see Michael.

'''Employee:''' Yeah, he's in the room back here.

[''We come upon Michael, who is fixing an RC car. His remarks are occasionally interrupted by whoever he is helping. Judging by the audio, Chris is standing relatively close to him, close enough to occasionally hear whoever Michael is speaking with.'']

 '''Michael:''' Well, I mean, you're, you, you'll just see that by running it. I mean, it was running okay the other day. But just, you know, adjust it one way or the other depending on temperature and everything else. But, you know, it just, it's not usually much. By changing fuel, it doesn't usually change... tuning that much. Mmkay... Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it'll be fine... Right, yeah, it'll be fine. [pause] Okay... Okay... Who made it?

[''The recorder seems to move away from the conversation, and a long silence follows. Various store noises occur in the background, including the bell from someone opening the front door.'']

 '''Michael:''' Okay. Alright. Sounds good. Mm-hm. Bye.

'''Chris:''' Hello, Michael. I see, uh... You've been, I see you're looking well. Haven't changed much since, for the past almost two years. And, yeah, it has been, uh, almost two years since... uh, what happened, uh, June- June 2008. But, uh, I came back hoping that, uh, we could put that behind us and...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' Come on. I mean, it has been almost two years, and it's just been on my mind for so long, just be...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, can't we just [[Mary Lee Walsh|forgive]] and forget?

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' C'mon, to have this...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...[[Obesity|weight]] on my back...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' And I have really...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...missed coming here.

 '''Michael:''' No. No. You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I'm, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|I'm a better person...]]

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] C'mon, what? Come on, dude...

 '''Michael:''' No! You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [[Twin Falling Towers|How can you be so heartless?]] I mean, you're, I mean, you're obviously not as mean as one of those trolls I've been dealing with...

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I mean, come on, I mean, obviously you have something against me, [''four beeping noises are heard, possibly Michael dialing out to 911''] because aside from the Wii incident, I just would like to know ''what''. Come on. Gimme a break. Alright, fine, I'll leave.

[''His tone becomes sharp and angry.'']

'''Chris:''' But I hope that [[Chris and Religion|God will forgive you]] for being so [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|heartless and cruel]], Michael Snyder!

 '''Michael:''' He probably will.

[''Long pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and Race|''JEW!'']]

[''Chris goes out the door, tape runs out.'']

==Aftermath==
During the confrontation, Michael called the [[jerkops|police]]. However, Chris was long gone by the time they arrived.

On the linked YouTube page the opposite party, Snyder, chimed in to inform everyone that, while he had attempted to press charges against Chris for trespassing, the police informed him that he had no recourse to pursue legal action for Chris's trespassing or attempts to incite harassment. It all seems for naught anyway, as Snyder mentioned that, not only did he not receive any harassing messages, but he actually got messages of congratulations and encouragement for putting Chris in his place.

{{quotebox|I have been told I have no recourse for any of his actions, and his encouraging people to harass me. Turnabout is fair play?? }}
{{quotebox|I want to thank all my fans for their calls supporting me, and feel he needs to stay home and get your calls. His phone number in the book is 434-990-0198. Happy dialing,
Mike 
Elvis has left the building }}

===A video with video===
The next day, [[Vivian Gee]] made a ''[[South Park]]''-style animation using the audio from this clip. Christian himself stopped by to make the following comments on her video:

{{quotebox|Hey, Vivian. I'm going to tell you right now that if you were trying to offend me with this "South Park" [[Parody]]; You Failed. This is just SOO FUNNY! You ought to know I like "South Park", especially the less dramatic, more comical episodes. ROFL}}

{{quotebox|Actually, there is ONE more thing you could to just make this a TOPPER of a Comical Scene; I gave him the finger as I left for real, so add a [[Wild Sonichu|Sit-And-Spin]] in the silence right before the final insult. ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = episode 200 - the game place
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HWq4pB_Vikw}}
| stardate = 13 [[April 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan is not an Anti-Semite
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AAeawAbjyQA}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| maker = Stvx2
| subject =
| type = Judeo
| info = }}

==See also==
* [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
* [[28_October_2011]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?gmqwe4kmgzm MP3 download]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[F Abstinance]]|nextlink=[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]|}}

{{Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2010| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-04-12]]

14 Branchland Court

2011-11-14T23:52:49Z

Danooct1: /* Mail */

{{Honest}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|meAO487S0zM}}</center>
{{quote|One does not simply walk into 14 Branchland Court. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the great Man-child is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with video games and sex toys, the very air you breath is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this, it is folly.|[[YouTube]] comment, dragonslayer396}}

[[Image:Fullfrontalfilth.gif|thumb|The most complete view of the front. Note the [[Sonichu]] drawn in the snow.]]
[[Image:Chris house.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Another aerial image of the Chandler House.]]
[[Image:BranchlandCourt.jpg|thumb|A more accurate depiction of 14 Branchland Court]]

'''14 Branchland Court''' is the lair of the [[Chandler]] Clan. It is a white (now yellowed to ivory) two-story house trimmed in [[homos|pink]] (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of [[Ruckersville, VA]]. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. Built in 1977, and with no major work done since [[1986]]<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref>, the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[2009#March|March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house was once quite tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|"THAT IS MY HOUSE"]] revealed that Chris's parents are aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. His mother has threatened to kick him out of the house if he tries to throw away her worthless junk.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from the time he was born until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in the fall of 1992, Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held down the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in 2000 after Chris graduated high school. In a [[100 2178|video]] released in May 2010, Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain". |Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}
In two videos uploaded on [[2009#March|27 March 2009]], Chris provides a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of shit that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

==First floor==
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the music room", which is now primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

==Second floor==
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in [[April 2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the northern corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the eastern corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown or green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.
{{clear}}

==Yard==
On first examination, you'd be forgiven for mistaking Chris's yard for Silent Hill. It consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]], probably due to a [[Dirty crapped briefs|dark stench]] poisoning the air. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where The Lumberjack would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being the lazy-ass pansy that he is, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start the [[Fuck Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[August 2010]], it is very apparent that Chris's parents have completely given up on lawn care, with none of the grass cut at all. Many of the grass and weeds surrounding the house are almost four feet tall, obscuring many parts of the residence altogether. {{cite}}

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1.) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' (now that Bob kicked it, his mother's) mail on a regular basis, or 2.) Barbara will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that his parents have read some of the letters and ignored them).

Chris will respond to fan mail, provided there's a return address on the envelope.

==Visiting==
Visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the "Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail", are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly mother to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville, VA]]
* [[Charlottesville, VA]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]

==External links==
Other famous hoarders:
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers The Collyer Brothers] - Infamous NY hoarders who ended up being crushed to death by their own shit.
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Trebus Edmund Trebus] -An eccentric Polish immigrant who ended up being a TV star because of his hoarding.

==References==
<references />

{{Places}}

[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]