CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and mental healthcare

2012-01-04T13:13:46Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Level Three: Neurotic Mechanisms */ Than/then confusion

[[Chris]] has a troubled relationship with '''psychology'''. He claims that he was held down by the school psychologist at grade school while his screams were recorded (most likely over dramatic bullshit), and was forced to see a psychologist for anger management classes after being kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Chris currently refuses to see a psychologist, opting to see a [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] instead.

==The problem(s) with Chris==
===In his own mind===
Chris claims to be [[autistic]], [[Homos|homophobic]] as a genuine phobia,<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself|Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]: '''Chris''': "I am a homophobe; I fear them all"</ref> and a victim of [[noviophobia]], a made-up phobia of boyfriends. He also diagnosed himself with [[Wikipedia:Dissociative Identity Disorder|dissociative identity disorder]] in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|the August 30th Captain's Log]], although he later revealed in [[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] that it was "a lie to momentarily derail the trolls." (Once again, Chris proved that he had no understanding of how serious mental disorders can be. Pretending to be crazy is an odd sort of [[wikipedia:Catch-22 (logic)|Catch-22]].)

Chris also seems to be at a level of incompetence that prevents him from realizing how incompetent he is. A [[Wikipedia:Cornell University|Cornell University]] [http://people.psych.cornell.edu/~dunning/publications/pdf/unskilledandunaware.pdf psychology journal] details this phenomenon:

{{quote|…when [[Chris|people]] are incompetent in [[Attraction Sign|the strategies they adopt]] to achieve success and [[China|satisfaction]], they suffer a dual burden: Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their [[Autism|incompetence]] robs them of [[Naïve|the ability to to realize it.]]|A disturbingly accurate account of Chris’s reaction to [[Chris and reality|reality]]}}

===The 2004 survey===
The psychiatrist who compiled [[autism papers|a survey]] of Chris's issues following his troubles at [[PVCC]] in [[2004]] echoed the diagnosis of autism that Chris received some time in his youth, and took note of "an obsessional quality to his preoccupation with finding a girlfriend." He also administered a [[Wikipedia:Folstein test|Folstein test]], a brief questionnaire designed to detect cognitive impairment — Chris racked up a perfect score, indicating no problems with his memory or basic information processing abilities. On the [[Wikipedia:Global Assessment of Functioning|Global Assessment of Functioning]], the doctor rated Chris a 70, roughly halfway in between an average adult and someone with socially debilitating mental illness.

===The trolls' perspective===
The rest of the human race believes that Chris has ''way'' more than autism to worry about. Popular theories mark him as a psychopath and/or a pathological [[ego|narcissist]], for instance, and also point towards what seems like a paranoid streak (as when Chris proposed that the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] school board has [[100 2178|conspired over a period of decades]] to make him miserable). Since the only available view is from a distance, though, there's no way anyone can know for certain if Chris's brain is garlanded with healthy chunks of the DSM-IV-TR or if he's merely a gullible idiot with a terrible upbringing and worse personality (and autism).

Until Chris gets some sustained professional attention, most of the speculation about his issues remains exactly that. Which leads to a larger problem...

==Professional help?==
One of the most [[Rage|frustrating]] elements of Chris is his adamant refusal to take help from any source. In the aftermath of his suspension from PVCC, his evaluators [[Autism papers|repeatedly recommended]] further counseling and psychiatric treatment, but Chris and his parents refused. It seems that [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] think that the world of mental health hasn't evolved past the turn-of-the-century treatment of strait jackets and lobotomies. The only thing close to therapy that Chris has ever been in was a compulsory anger management class, and we all know [[Chris and anger|how much good that did]]. About the only authority figure he listens to is [[Rocky Shoemaker]], his pastoral counselor; he claims that he has no need for psychotherapy because his pastor is better at helping him than anyone with, you know, years of training and experience in helping people with psychiatric problems.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He's shown repeated disregard for the authority of health professionals.<ref>[[Mailbag_2#In which Chris acts superior to an experienced Doctor|Mailbag #2]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_4#Chris the close-minded|Mailbag #4]]</ref> It is suspected that, even if Chris received professional help, he would disregard most of it and undermine the therapy.

It would be likely that he could seek the help of a professional for little or no cost, as his [[monthly tugboat]] in the form of SSI does offer basic psychological services that would allow him the ability to talk to a board-certified counselor and get the help he does need. It's likely though he doesn't even know this service is available, as he only regards his SSI check as income or a cheap means of getting [[PS3]] games, ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' or ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' DLC, and [[sex toys]] rather than a reassurance that he is covered under federal [[Wikipedia:Medicaid|Medicaid]] or the equivalent state Medicaid program offered by the Commonwealth of Virginia.

It seems Chris only acknowledges his personal flaws if they get him pity or used to demonstrate that he's beaten them already. Notice how often Chris claims to have won the battle over autism,<ref>Example: [[Sarah Reveals Herself#Chris is over his autism|Sarah May Chat]]</ref> only to fall back on "I have autism!" as an excuse.<ref>Example: [[Father Call]]</ref> Similarly, he wrote ''[[Nintendo Power Magazine]]'' to tell them he conquered his noviophobia, only to say later that his fear "came back like a boomerang."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews8.htm</ref>

Chris refuses to get help because he doesn't think he needs any, and because he has better things ([[PS3|games]], [[anime]], [[Kimmi|porn]]) to spend his money on. Regardless of how blatantly stupid his actions are, regardless of how often trolls ([[BlueSpike|including a thirteen-year-old]]) trick him into doing horrible, horrible things, regardless of how any mental health worker worth his salt would pin Chris down like a butterfly to get a chance to crack open his impenetrable shell of [[fail]], Chris will carry on as usual, justifying away everything that would inconvenience him even slightly.

Chris has no problem telling other people to seek professional help, however. In the [[Mailbag]], he has occasionally responded to his detractors with retorts like [[Chris and Hypocrisy|"Go See a Psychiatrist."]]<ref>[[Mailbag_35#Funny, that's the same advice we keep giving Chris|Mailbag #35]]</ref> Funnily enough, were Chris to ever see a psychologist, he or she would probably see this as classic [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection Freudian projection].

==Defense Mechanisms==
In Freudian theory, defense mechanisms are the way the brain lessens the difference between reality and one's [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|internal self-image]]. To use blunt terminology, they're how people cope with the fact they subconsciously know they're not as wonderful as they see themselves. While virtually all human beings will use defense mechanisms to an extent, Chris reads like a catalog of them.

=== Level One: Pathological Mechanisms ===
''Pathological mechanisms allow someone to alter their perception of reality. Sometimes called delusional responses, a frequent abuser of pathological defenses will begin to appear disconnected from reality (sound familiar?).
*'''Denial''': Chris will adamantly refuse to accept basic facts if he doesn't want to acknowledge he is wrong. He will often bluntly deny a fact then refuse to hear any more on the subject to avoid weakening his denial.
*'''Delusional Projection''': Chris holds dear to the idea that [[troll]]s are grossly flawed individuals. He often demands things of them (like "getting a life" or "seeing a therapist") that he himself needs.
*'''Extreme Projection''': Chris routinely acts as if his own autism is barely debilitating and quickly jumps on concepts related to autism he can use to glorify himself (such as savantism) all while hating other autistic individuals and calling them "windows into Hell".
*'''Distortion''': Chris will disregard [[Chris and Reality|reality]] as it stands any time it suits him to.
*'''Splitting''': Chris views the world in a very tribal fashion, grouping people into inherently good and inherently evil groups. You're either a [[Galpal|friend]]/[[fan]]/[[heartsweet]] he trusts explicitly, or a villainous troll/homo fit only for extermination or re-indoctrination.

=== Level Two: Immature Mechanisms ===
''Immature responses, while possible in adults are best known for being "gateway" mechanisms for more serious neurotic issues, especially if used in excess and untreated during adolescence. Such conditions often beget worse conditions by creating alienation and other social detachment concerns, leading to the growth of worse conditions.
*'''Passive Aggression''': When Chris can't directly act out (such as when he used to deal with his father), he does so via passive-aggressive means. Procrastination is also an element of passive-aggression, one Chris often uses to get back at his fanbase and trolls by blaming them for his slow comic progress.
*'''Fantasy''': Perhaps one of Chris's most developed mechanisms, [[CWCville]] is a textbook perfect example of a fantasy defense mechanism: a world where he can right wrongs done to him and wield the sort of absolute power and affection he craves.
*'''Idealization''': One of the reasons Chris is so easy to troll using fake girlfriends is that when Chris is in one of his many sweetheart flings, he strains logic to make the object of his affection perfect in his mind, disregarding evidence that he's being duped because his 'perfect' woman would never be a troll.
*'''Somatization''': Aggravation at the people he interacts with often cause Chris [[stress]] reactions far worse than most people experience. While the validity of such statements may be questionable, Chris has remarked that various offensive images made him physically ill. In a conversation with the sysop of [[Cwcipedia]] Chris invoked near-death imagery to describe his reaction to seeing pickles on the front page.
*'''Acting Out''': Chris routinely does socially unacceptable things. In some cases he's directly tried to justify his acting out with counters like his [[virgin with rage]] status, as if such factors made them reasonable.

=== Level Three: Neurotic Mechanisms ===
''Neurotic mechanisms represent the bulk of defenses that cause problems for the user. Neurotic defense often require treatment and have been referred to as "invisible scars" do describe their severity. While many adults (indeed possibly most) utilize a neurotic mechanism or two, the danger is in constant reliance on them.''
*'''Withdrawal''': Chris's first response to negative stimuli is to run away from it, in most cases by temporarily leaving whatever online outlet is causing him issues.
*'''Displacement''': Chris attempted to decapitate the [[clown doll]] to vent his frustration at [[Clyde Cash]]. He used a picture of [[Adam Stackhouse]] for target practice. The in-comic villains based on real people act as displacement targets as, compared to their real-life inspirations, they are powerless victims for Chris to vent his anger at their real-world counterparts on.
*'''Regression''': If a defense mechanism can be thought of as a drug, then regression is the one Chris mainlines 24 hours a day through an IV. Chris essentially lives in a permanent state of self-imposed childhood. His room filled with toys, games and cartoons acts as a sort of time capsule in which he can live without progressing.
*'''Isolation''': (Chris lives in a state of near-literal isolation, but psychological isolation could be described in layman's terms more as 'detachment'). Chris reacts to things like [[Chris and Death|death]] or causing a [[Ryan Cash|suicide]] with a sort of cold removal, though his outward mourning of his dog indicated Chris is capable of grief. It is alternatively possible that what appears to' be an isolation mechanism is actually an autistic lack of correct emotional response.
*'''Disassociation''': One of the precious few neurotic mechanisms Chris doesn't engage in extensively, but one he has invoked (see above). While Chris's [[tomgirl]] person represents a strong outward shift, his personality has only shown slight alteration. That said, 'tomgirl Chris' has demonstrated a degree more control and confidence than his traditional norm. It is unclear if this confidence stems from his new pseudo-persona or if is just hubris from his recent attempted blows against his trolls.
*'''Reaction Formation''': Chris spent an inordinate amount of energy combating homosexual claims leveled against him while wearing a bra in public. He now engages in crossdressing, an act socially regarded as partially homosexual if no blatantly so.
*'''Rationalization''': Chris is virtually the patron saint of making excuses for himself. He also tends to rationalize disagreements people have with him as being misinterpretations. He could not accept that making porn of Megan was wrong so he interpreted her disgust as a lack of experience with pornography.

===Level Four: Mature===
''Mature reactions represent correct, (usually) healthy responses. Mature defenses represent lower level, unhealthy defenses that have been adjusted over time to be pleasurable as well as socially acceptable. Unsurprisingly, Chris demonstrates marked deficiencies in mature reactions.''
*'''Altruism''': Chris is incredibly greedy and cannot comprehend giving without receiving. During the [[BlueSpike]] saga, Chris would could not work out whether he wanted to be with a woman who was in love with him or getting his PSN account back.
*'''Anticipation''': Despite viewing various major events as inevitable (finding true love, Sonichu becoming a media empire) Chris cannot muster the will to put any work into either, instead letting anxiety consume him.
*'''Humor''': Chris cannot take a joke, nor can he make fun of himself. Rare attempts at self-critical humor in the comic are padded with displays of god-like power to render them moot. When he does use humor to counter a threat, he does so by trying to mock or insult the threat.
*'''Identification''': Chris admires few people and those he does he admires for narrow traits rather than the person as a whole. He instead considers himself a paragon: not to be modified, but emulated by others.
*'''Introjection''': Chris rarely adopts a concept so wholly that it becomes part of his being. The few times he has done so, he is more motivated by the potential the concept or object has to provide him with excuses than he is with the concept itself. For example, Chris cherishes his identity as a high-functioning autistic and all the excuses his status gives him, but refuses to learn anything about the condition. He has open disdain for LGBT culture, but enjoys the support he gets online when he discusses his "discrimination" as a tomgirl.
*'''Sublimation''': Chris rarely rechannels negative energy in a positive fashion. Negative reinforcement generally causes him to shut down and positive reinforcement (like online girlfriends offering affection for various acts) have no psychological inertia. For example, Chris became cleaner, calmer and less spastic with [[Ivy]]'s encouragement only to slide back down the moment the relationship ended.
*'''Thought Suppression''': As is common in autistics, Chris rarely suppresses what's on his mind to suit social norms. Instead he expects society to adapt to his demands.

==History of medication==
According to the [[2004]] psychiatric survey, at some point in his life, Chris was prescribed the antidepressant medication [[Wikipedia:Imipramine|Imipramine]]. It's not clear when he was prescribed the drug, or for what exact reason, but it was likely sometime in his younger days. Since the advent of more sophisticated antidepressant drugs like [[Wikipedia:Prozac|Prozac]] in the late [[1980s]], the use of Imipramine to treat depression and other psychological disorders has grown less and less common. More recently, however, Imipramine has commonly been prescribed to patients who have [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|urinary problems]].

The same document notes that, as of [[2004]], Chris had been taking the antidepressant [[Wikipedia:Paxil|Paxil]] for four years in order to deal with his [[stress]] and [[Chris and anger|anger issues]]. One of the survey's recommendations was an increase in his daily dose of the drug, but it's not clear how long Chris continued taking it afterward.

Chris continues to take antidepressant medication to this day. In [[Mailbag 13#Take Your Prescribed Medicine, Young Man|Mailbag #13]], he explained that he switched to a different medication in order to avoid some of Paxil's side effects, the ones that "only hit adults." However, in his eleventh call with [[Kacey]] Chris said that the drug he switched to from Paxil is Paroxetine.<ref>[[Kacey Call 11]]</ref> Since Paxil is just one of Paroxetine's several trade names and not a different drug, it seems that Chris is still taking the same medication only under a different title.

Chris didn't specify what side effects Paxil caused him, but his language suggests some sort of a sexual dysfunction. Paxil may have been making it difficult for Chris to [[mass debating|achieve orgasm]]; if his current antidepressant is still Paroxetine (or at least another [[wikipedia:Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor|SSRI]]) then it might explain why it took him around twenty minutes in order to climax when he cybered with [[BlueSpike]].<ref>For examples see the full transcript of [[Bob Walks In]] and [[CWC Cums for a Cat]].</ref>

Another of Paxil's more notable side effects is the potential for substantial weight gain, which couldn't have mixed well with Chris's [[McDonald's|diet]] and sedentary lifestyle.

==Past instances of professional help (or lack thereof)==
===[[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]===
When Chris attended NGES, there was an incident where he was supposedly restrained or molested, depending on whom you talk to. It has been claimed by Bob that they wanted to send Chris to an "institution". What they meant was likely a place where Chris could see professionals who could work with Chris's problems as opposed to teachers who deal with normal students. What Bob probably thought is he would be sent to a nuthouse. Either way, something that could have done some good in his early development didn't happen.

===[[Mary Lee Walsh]]===
Although not a mental health professional, Walsh's experience at dealing with a large body of students and their individual problems makes her experienced on the issue. She has also [http://www.bookfinder.com/dir/i/The_Freshman_Experience-Creating_College_Success_Piedmont_Virginia_Community/0787288381/ written a book on coping with college life]. Despite her advanced knowledge and experience, Chris chose the better path of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursing her]] and putting her low on his [[Scale of Respect]].

===[[Autism papers|Psychiatric Papers]]===
Following his outburst towards Mary Lee Walsh, Chris was sent to a psychiatrist for evaluation. The resulting papers easily show a number of things, most of which can easily be told by trolls themselves. Another interesting thing is that, despite the encouragement to follow up on this, Chris's parents refuse to on the account of [[Chris and money|insurance problems]].

The documents note that at some point, Chris received psychiatric evaluation at the Center for Learning Potential in Mt. Sidney, Virginia (a small town northwest of his home in Charlottesville). They don't say when this took place, but given the location of the Center, it was likely either during his elementary school years or sometime after the Chandlers moved back to Charlottesville in the summer of 2000.

===Anger management and the shrink===
Following his encounter with Mary Lee Walsh, he was [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|ordered]] to take anger management classes.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens ]]</ref> The only thing that seemed to arise from it were complaints that he had to pay to see a professional...and...well...[[Chris and anger|he still can't control his anger.]] There's very little information about his anger management classes, as it occurred in the pre-[[ED]] days, and is only mentioned in a few old documents of Chris' that have surfaced. He's never really talked about it since, and it's never come up in comics or videos.

===[[Rocky Shoemaker]]===
Religious institutions are fond of providing counseling services to all members of their congregations, sometimes unwisely as a method of hammering them with doctrine to solve their problems, sometimes beneficially by giving them a person to talk to for free and referring them to a real professional if necessary. Whether Rocky is generally beneficial or harmful to the people who come to see her is uncertain, but she [http://cof-umc.org/blog/?p=3 is certainly admired for her past work]. What remains certain is that she is probably not the best solution for Chris because...
#He considers her to be a perfect, all-encompassing alternative to a qualified professional.
#He barely listens to anything she fucking says.
#He misconstrues everything she says, accepting advice he likes and ignoring advice he doesn't like.
She has told him about his past habits being unacceptable, but Chris remains as determined as ever to be a total idiot. Although she has put a stop to trolling plans, [[Fridays After Five|his behavior remains the same]]. She also told him it would be a good idea to stop posting videos on YouTube, since they only feed the trolls.

[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|That hasn't]] [[100 2178|really worked]] [[100 2188|out now]], [[100 2189|has it]]?

About the only thing that he has taken away from their sessions is that [[Chris_and_sex#Moral_basis_on_sex_and_double_standards|he can fuck someone before they are married]].

===Relationship Management Classes===
Chris mentioned in a [[Addressing_Liquid#Video|video]] from October 2009 and told [[Kacey]] in [[Kacey_Call_22|a phone call]] in September 2009 that he had been taking some relationship management classes. Undoubtedly, Chris felt that he had found some form of real life [[Dating education|date ed]]. In reality, Chris came upon a class meant for couples who wanted to ''manage their already established relationships'' as opposed to finding out how to get into one. The true nature of the course is irrelevant since Chris is creepy and out of place pretty much anywhere he goes.

===White knights and trolls===
It doesn't take a lot of effort for anyone to see that Chris has no common sense. Likewise, common sense being...common, [[white knights]] and [[trolls]] alike are often quick to point out that most of what Chris does is stupid/insane/socially abnormal. He doesn't fucking get it. As a result, many trolls have become armchair psychologists pondering [[Autism|why exactly he doesn't get it]]. It doesn't matter what they come up with, the result is always that Chris doesn't listen to anyone if he doesn't want to, no matter what level they are on the ladder. [[Vivian Gee|Some white knights]] have gotten so fed up with Chris's adamant refusal to improve himself or heed advice that they've essentially moved on to becoming professional trolls.

==Footnotes==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Autism papers]]
* [[Asperger's syndrome]]
* [[Dreams]]

{{Chris and}}

August 2011

2011-08-30T19:14:11Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Events */ Fixing the link, since the Calling Out page has been broken up

[[File:CWC0811.PNG|thumb|Chris in August 2011]]

'''August 2011''' began with Chris and his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|tom-pals]] planning vengeance against the CWCki.

The month also saw the reappearance of Chris on camera, as he released several videos wherein he claims to have obtained the dox on a couple of high profile trolls and tries to blackmail them.

==Events==

*6 August: Chris makes his official return to the Internet after an eight month absence, uploading [[Calling Out|three videos]] in which he calls out trolls [[Surfshack Tito]] and [[Thorg]], in which he claimed to have their dox.
*9 August: Chris [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|calls out]] [[Alec]]. Then, he appears [[It's not that cold‎‎|outside]], dressed in an ill-fitting miniskirt and a red muscle bra. Chris then "digs up" Patti and wears her as a coat while humming "Goodbye Horses" and making references to The Silence of the Lambs.
*10 August: Chris uploads another [[Calling_Out#Re:_Don.2C_and_ReCalling_Out_.22Thorg.22_-_JeremyRe: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|video]] where he accepts Tito and Thorg's attempts to reason with his demands. Chris also uploads another [[Correction_of_EX_relationship_status|video]] clarifying his past references to the [[Wallflower]]
*12 August: Chris uploads a new [[Exposed_-_Jeremy_Slonwhite_of_Vancouver,_BC_Canada|video]] exposing Thorg as Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver.
*16 August: Chris uploads a [[Kaka_Makeup_Basics|six-minute video]] on makeup application and a [[Calling Out#Calling_Out_Jack_Thaddius_-_Ahuviya|video]] giving information on [[Jack Thaddeus]]
*20 August: Chris uploads a video of [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch_for_Jeremy_"Thorg"|him singing]] a song about wristwatches.
*23 August: Chris uploads [[Re-Calling Ahuvia|three]] [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|new]] [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.|videos]], two of which call out [[Jack Thaddeus]] (again) and [[BlueSpike]], and the last of which pimps his [[Computer|secondhand laptop]].
*28 August: A new video called [[Victory Rockout]] is uploaded by [[YouTube]] user "CWCvilleProductions", who opened his account a day before.
*29 August: [[Response to ADF|Chris responds to ADF.]]
*31 August: Deadline for Don, Jeremy and Alec to apologize to Chris, and get off the Internet.
{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

Autism

2011-05-02T20:52:20Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* High-functioning vs. low-functioning */ This is not a sentence.

{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}

{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATcI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]

'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[100 2178|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris, in typical Chris fashion, not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his ego|special significance]], but also seems to think that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism. Because, y'know, everything to do with Chris has to be [[slow-in-the-minds|special]]. Because he's autistic, Chris is, naturally, better than everyone else (because having autism automatically makes him a genius), and everyone should acknowledge how utterly brilliant he is. At the same time, Chris is not responsible for anything he ever does wrong, because he is autistic and that means it's not his fault if he [[Twin Falling Towers|does]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|stupid]] [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|things]].

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; i.e., high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, fluent speech, and about-average intellect. This lets Chris have it both ways: you can't blame him for his failures because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's retarded because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, even the most casual of observers would conclude that Chris is basically non-functioning.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-nazi he is.

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.{{cite}} Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Bob|his]] [[Barb|parents]], has never had a real girlfriend, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|shits his pants]] on a semiregular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Despite all this, though, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]], yet he has failed to do anything with his life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are utterly his fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID| [[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]]}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "God put the mute button on me." Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Autism Characteristics]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far, far more likely that one or both of Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development.

It is not currently clear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrating Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g., throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's [[Chris and Rape|tactful and sensitive]] comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger Syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome "Missing White Woman Syndrome"], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular (albeit idiotic) guy with a few "eccentricities" (more like psychotic), or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|left|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not Ian Brandon Anderson and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. One need only see his extensive [[list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his pinkeye and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin.

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13 year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them. It should be noted that the two have entirely different skin colors.

*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing relationships. Many neurotypical people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
**In the [[Jackie E-mails 23|final exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to Jackie's frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by telling her she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; While he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]].

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor Roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not lying off his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[continuity#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris's given reasons for his love of [[My Little Pony]] are also indicative of autism. Autistics are drawn to physical sensations which give them a feeling of being 'grounded', and this is probably why Chris finds stroking the hair of these toys so "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|therapeutic]]".

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has an evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PS3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects.

*Chris also appears to have echolalia, a common symptom of autism. This means that he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.

Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex is too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|the disorder did not even exist before he was born]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he opined that our society is spending so much time on the internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with no social contact should not attempt social commentary. Well, that and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. More recently he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents (Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived) are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref>

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In more recent years (specifically, during [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009, he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered on Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed urban myth alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up - in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a superior tier of social retardation.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is [[List of Chris's lies|the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.]]

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained his autism and is back to [[Chris on Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. Or he forgot that he even had the above conversation and is just retarded.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend) he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but to live a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics", you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so in reality he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics than himself "windows onto hell" and regards them with [[Chris and Hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]]. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Episode_19#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even for [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can be speculated from this that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem very unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel", that is to say it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window onto hell".

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic ]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Trolls

2011-05-02T06:41:22Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Devil Trolls */ Useful Wikipedia link

{{quote|...dang dirty trolls!|[[Chris]], [[Cwcville.com]] (since deleted).}}
{{quote|What a world we live in, with such trolls in it.|[[Blake]], in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].}}

[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Faceless Trolls.png|thumb|120px|The Furies]]
[[Image:Ff7troll.png|thumb|300px|Now for the [[Hex Box]].]]

'''Trolls''' (numbered about six billion strong) are the various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the [[Internet]]'s most beloved and most hated [[autistic]] manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites to making him take [[Nudes|nude pics]] and more.

==Pre-ED==
It is notable that Chris was trolled IRL before his discovery by [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] and [[ED]]. It can be argued that the first known trolling of Chris occurred when his life-long-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, [[Sarah Hammer]], locked him under the house when they were children. The next notable trolling occurred during the infamous mini-date with [[Hanna]] in [[2005]] which smashed his [[heart level]] to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through [[MySpace]] named [[Lindsay Kaye]]. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as [[2003]], when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of [[PVCC]] (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] hijinks.

But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....

== The Few, the Proud, the Elite ==

===Asperpedia Four===
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of ''[[Asperchu]]''), Evan (the creator of ''Simonchu'', and therefore [[Simonla]]), Sean August Watley ( the creator of ''Moon-Pals''), and Mao (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).

[[Image:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|left|80px|thumb|BILLY]]

=== [[BILLY MAYS]] ===
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of [[CWCville]] by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]]. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely [[Chris and death|death]].

=== [[Blanca Weiss]] ===
[[Image:Blanka.jpg|80px|thumb|Blanca's true identity.]]

"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofqcc7VOn1k videos] featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.

Not to be confused with [[Trolls#Lordsillynipples|LordSillyNipples]], who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.

=== [[BlueSpike]] ===
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's [[sweetheart]] "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself|hour-long audio recording]] in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion in his ass.

[[Image:BryanBash.jpg|thumb|left|80px|Bryan Bash (right) with your sister (left).]]

=== Bryan Bash ===
Bryan Bash is a close friend of the <s>late</s> great [[Clyde Cash]]. He is the one who [[Hooker incident|sent hookers over to Chris's house]], as well as the person who called during the infamous [[Bob Walks In|"Bob Walks In"]] audio file, and is responsible for leaking [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|an image]] of Chris having sex with the members of his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' band (including a [[niggo]]). Additionally, he leaked the [[Father Call]] and the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]] to [[/cwc/]] on 11 November, [[2009]], and he has also leaked conversations between [[Chris]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]].

=== [[Clyde Cash]] ===
[[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|80px|Clyde Cash]]
The nefarious [[Clyde Cash]] is the most infamous and legendary of trolls. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of trolls. He posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], raped Chris's beloved [[PandaHalo]], and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial.

=== [[Emily]] ===
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew in the Pickle Suit]].

=== [[Jack Thaddeus]] ===
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings and also for the [[CWCipedia]] ads.

=== The Jew in the Pickle Suit ===
An IRL pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.

[[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|thumb|80px|The REAL Chris]]

=== [[Liquid Chris]] ===
A [[YouTube]] troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.

=== Lordsillynipples ===
A troll from [[ED]] who was responsible for impersonating [[Blanca]] and being the first to obtain the now [[Pickles|infamous Chris-chan Noodz]] on 11 September 2008, along with [[Chris's DVD]]. She is also responsible for creating the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of [[Clyde]].

=== [[Robert Simmons V]] ===
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with [[Church audio|visiting Chris's church]] and meeting [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], he also had a hand in organizing the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily date]].

=== [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] ===
An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on [[Surfshack Tito|two]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|separate]] occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with [[The Wallflower]]. Recently, he has been involved in the destruction of Chris' beloved [[PS3]].

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|80px|Vivian]]

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
The creator of the ''Sonichu'' [[audiobooks]] and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a [[Vivian Gee E-mails|hopeless, thick-skulled moron]].

==Devil Trolls==
[[Image:DevilTroll.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:ModNation TrollFemale.jpg|thumb|Featured in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.]]
Aside from the several notable figures above, the '''Devil Trolls''' are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and make their first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such [[stress]] over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.

The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "[[IBAChandler]]" after Sonichu defeats him in ''Sonichu'' #9. They make their full appearance in ''Sonichu'' #10, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble [[Wikipedia:Troll doll|those old Troll toys]], minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.

== Motivations ==

===Chris's perspective===
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a [[Mailbag]] correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:

{{quote|"Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of [[Sonichu]] first, or that I am more [[Chris and art|Artistically Talented]] than they are."|[[Chris]], [[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]}}

This is consistent with the advice given many children who are IRL trolled in school: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris [[Count Graduon|never moved past]] [[Manchester High School|high school]] mentally, he still believes he is hated because he is so much better than everyone else.

From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then [[Jack|a troll]] saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. [[Silvana]], a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be [[Meg Griffin]], kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.

Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag&oldid=3208|a message he wrote] in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added [[Twitter]] and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|CWCipedia article on The Wallflower]], Chris has also decided that the trolls are also [[niggos|black]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a ''crime'', and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that ''all'' trolling is equal to what he had been done to him. A [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|recent video]] actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet [[Chris and hypocrisy|mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number]].

===His parents' perspective===
The [[Matthew Noble call]] in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), and ''[[Megan Schroeder]]'', who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob is convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.

It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there ''is'' a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in myriad ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by crank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having [[Kacey and Liquid Call|angry screaming matches]] with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet [[Julie|a woman who didn't exist]], and so on.

Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.

==See also==
* [[4-cent garbage.com]]
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
* [[PVCC (Message Board)|PVCC]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin']]
* [[White Knight]]

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Homos

2011-05-02T03:39:27Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Why Chris appears to be gay */ Just a point of fact

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]].]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]].]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff, "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop.]]]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies.}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the more gay he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings|anime wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin' Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* He [[Tomgirl|dressed up as a woman]] and went out in public. (Though crossdressing is not necessarily homosexual.)

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment).<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = It's OK to be GAY, Chris-chan!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) Comes Clean...
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Sonichu 6

2011-04-03T06:28:46Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Gallery */ Fixing to correct paged

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #6
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 4 July 2006
| finishedcomic = 21 February 2007
| pagecount = 49
| episodes = 12.5, 14
| previous = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
| next = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #6''' is the seventh issue of [[Christian]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book series. By this point, Chris seems to have realized that dividing his comics into episodes is pointless if the episodes all run seamlessly together, so the storyline of CWCville's battle with PVCC is confined to a single, lengthy, Episode 14.

However, shortly before beginning work on this issue, Chris's beloved dog [[Patti]] was put to sleep on 27 June [[2006]]. Distraught by these events, Chris sought to make the lead story in this issue a tribute to Patti that would create a new life for her as a regular character in [[CWCville]]. Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger with Episode 13, "One Lucky Dog" is set before that story, and labeled as Episode 12.5.

Chris again let this issue languish for months before finally completing it several days before his twenty-fifth birthday. He was apparently motivated to finish so that he could include the gratuitous shill for his impending [[DVD]].

==Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =One Lucky Dog
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_1 ''Episode 12.5''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_12.5{{!}}''Episode 12.5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P1.htm ''Episode 12.5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHWG-1us01o&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=24 ''Episode 12.5''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Patti_and_moon.jpg|thumb|FUN FACT: on 26 June 2006, the moon wasn't full; in fact, it was practically a new moon.]]

While it sticks to most of the usual ''Sonichu'' formulas, ''Sonichu'' #6 does distinguish itself from its predecessors, mostly in Episode 12.5.

Chris had inserted photographs of himself into cartoon backgrounds before, most notably in the original [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|jewel case art]] for which he created the Sonichu character. In ''Sonichu'' #6, Chris broadens his experiments with a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fumetti Fumetti] style, blending cartoon characters with photographs of himself and his home. This style returns again in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], with some differences. In ''Sonichu'' #6, the [[Patti-Chan]] character is a cartoon existing in the 'real world,' and Chris becomes a cartoon when he enters CWCville. In ''Sonichu'' #10, a 'real world' CWC exists in the cartoon CWCville.

Despite the extensive use of photography in the first half of the story, no photographer is credited. Chris is usually quick to credit people who 'assist' in the production of a ''Sonichu'' episode, because it makes him look like he has friends, so the implication here is that he took the photos himself.

''Sonichu'' #6 is also a departure in emotional depth, compared to previous issues. While the others are generally limited to retarded, one-dimensional characters and narcissistic monologues, in ''Sonichu'' #6 Chris works through a real and empathetic event: the death of his dog. Of course, he works through it in a retarded and narcissistic manner, but it's still more emotionally tangible than anything else he has done.

The final page of the episode is a formal dedication to Patti, with a memorial photograph, birth, and death dates. This is interesting, because it is generally difficult to determine just how grounded in reality Chris's mind is. In some cases, such as the [[BILLY MAYS]] coup, Chris doesn't respect any line between reality and the CWCville universe: there IS a Mayor of CWCville, and the Mayor IS Chris. This page, on the other hand, is a concrete example of Chris separating reality from fiction.

This contrasts sharply with how he memorialized the deaths of the women [[Sarah Jackson|who]] [[Pandahalo|loved]] [[Ivy|him]], where he callously recreated their horrific deaths in comic format as a means of removing them from his comic.

Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger, this story is set between Episodes 12 and 13 of that issue.

===Synopsis===
Chris's dog, Patti, is old and suffering from an "itchy" rump. She looks up at the full [[Moon]] and wishes for the ability to walk and talk like Chris, that she might thank him for his years of kindness. After baying at the Moon, Patti eats some grass in the backyard, unknowingly catching a [[Wikipedia:Four-leaf clover|four-leaf clover]] in her teeth. When she lies down and sleeps, the magic power of moonbeams does some sort of magic shit to her.

The following day, Chris emerges from his house to feed Patti, only to discover her transformed into an anthropomorphic dog-creature. When Patti speaks aloud for the first time, both she and Chris are shocked. Patti realizes her wish came true, although neither she nor Chris knows how this has happened, and nobody asks any questions.

After a snack and a bath, Chris gives Patti a clover medallion, and a green sash to cover her dog junk. Together, they sit on a bench swing outside, and Patti thanks Chris for everything. Rejuvenated by her transformation, Patti expresses a desire to roam the world beyond her pen, but doesn't know where to go. After considering the matter for a moment, Chris decides to take her to [[CWCville]], where she can wander the city without frightening the populace. Unlike [[Ruckersville]], CWCville's citizens are used to monstrous animal-men wandering their city and living off of welfare.

To get to CWCville, Chris leads Patti into his house (apparently for the first time), and takes her to his bedroom. Using his [[Nintendo]] DS, Chris opens a portal that leads into his mayoral office in [[CWCville Mall]]. Patti wonders how Chris can run CWCville from his home in Ruckersville, but Chris explains that most of the work is handled by his secretary [[Allison Amber]], who coordinates with Chris using a satellite link-up to his DS.

Chris provides Patti with a scepter and bracelets, each imbued with a [[Chris and his ego|portion of his own power]], to defend herself from CWCville's enemies. He also gives her a [[monthly tugboat|"Golden CWCville Card"]] — a debit card of sorts — and a cell phone in case of emergencies. After an emotional embrace, Patti wanders off on her own.

===Advertisement===
Are you ready to ROCK? An ad for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].

==Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"==
{{Resources
| title =Evil is Afoot!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_15 ''Episode 14''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_14{{!}}''Episode 14''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P8.htm ''Episode 14''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZUKaJu-QuA&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=25 ''Ep. 14 Part 1''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZbWQYfk150&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=26 ''Ep. 14 Part 2''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Sonichu-6 notsow.jpg|thumb|"Notsow"]]
In the original artwork, Chris managed to misspell his backwards-named nemesis's middle name. After what must have been nearly 9,000 hours in MS Paint, "Notsow" was hamfistedly altered to "Notsew." Then the page was even more hamfistedly omitted from the [[CWCipedia]], probably because it is so sexually charged that it might turn Chris into a [[homo]] if he even glances at it. Either that, or he's retarded and didn't check to see that he double-posted page 31.

===Synopsis===
Continuing from Episode 13's cliffhanger, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] gloats over her imprisonment of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] in the dark mirror. [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrive to steal the Mirror away from Walsh. Distracted, Walsh is easily defeated by [[Sailor Megtune]], and is forced to retreat.

The heroes return to Christian's mayoral office, where Christian and Magi-Chan work on ways to retrieve Crystal from the mirror. While they wait for [[da update]], the others discuss various subjects of no particular relevance.

Magi-Chan announces that the only hope to save Crystal are the seven [[Sonichu Balls]], of which they only currently possess one. However, the attractive properties of the balls cause Magi-Chan to realize that [[Darkbind]] is [[homos|hiding two more balls]], and that he also needs all seven to break a sleeping curse on [[Zelina Rosechu]].

Conveniently enough, a fourth Ball is revealed when [[Black Sonichu]] and a mysterious green Sonichu commit a daring daylight robbery of the Kay Jewelers store in the CWCville Mall. Somehow, the villains have learned of the Sonichu Ball's presence there, and have stolen it as part of a larger scheme of world domination.

Chris teleports to the scene with Magi-Chan and Sonichu, but the combined power of the evil Sonichus is too great. The green Sonichu envelops Chris in a dark dimension, and explains that he is [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog form of [[Naitsirhc]] Giovanni. When Chris was briefly submerged in the Dark Mirror Hole, this caused a Dark Sonichu Medallion to be created, awakening sleeping evil powers within Naitsirhc, such as the ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Now realized as the evil, opposite counterpart to Chris, he has dubbed himself as [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

When Reldnahc reverts to human form, we see he has been changed into a duplicate of Chris, with torn blue jeans, and a green harness, reflecting his homoerotic tendencies. Chris is naturally horrified by his partial nudity.

Outside the Dark Dimension, Magi-Chan and Sonichu demand an explanation from Black Sonichu, who explains that Naitsirhc has become far more evil and ruthless since his transformation. He has completely abandoned his adoptive father [[Giovanni]], and while Black Sonichu has followed him out of loyalty, Naitsirhc has insulted him constantly in return, even putting [[Semen|whipped cream]] in his rocket shoes.

Suddenly everybody's pal, Black Sonichu asks his former enemies about Bubbles, having randomly developed an infatuation with her.

Christian and Reldnahc, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and Reldnahc Ha-Taque, begin a pitched battle, racing across [[CWCville]] at high speeds, proving to be evenly matched. Christian, as ever, attempts to fight dirty, but his kick to Reldnahc's groin is met only by Reldnahc's powerful cup.

Reldnahc finally gains the upper hand, blasting Chris into the gym of [[Manchester High School]], incapacitating him. But before Reldnahc can deliver the final blow using his Sonichu Ball, a basketball strikes Reldnahc, causing his head to hit the bleaches, knocking him out. Christian awakes to learn that [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] saved him from certain doom, and that Reldnahc is in a coma.

Bionic gives Chris the Sonichu Ball Reldnahc had stolen, and asks him to provide him with a fictional girlfriend, just as Chris created Rosechu to be Sonichu's personal semen receptacle. Too lazy to do even that, Chris suggests Bionic hook up with one of Megan's characters.

Christian then launches into an advertisement for his homemade DVD "[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]". He describes every single feature on the disc, despite the fact that he has no intention of making it available outside of his own circle of acquaintances.

Ten weeks later (presumably after several of the events in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]), Reldnahc awakens in the hospital, with a white-hot hatred for Bionic...

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
"Bionic Over Autism", a drawing Chris shat out on February 24, 1999.

===Back Cover Ad===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' gets a final run. It'll be replaced by an ad for ''CWC's [[Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_Adult_Chronicles|Adult Chronicles]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]''.

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 6
|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover
File:SchuComic7Page01.jpg
File:SchuComic7Page02.jpg
File:SchuComic7Page03.jpg
File:SchuComic7Page04.jpg
File:SchuComic7Page05.jpg
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File:SchuComic7Page46.jpg
File:SchuComic7Page47.jpg
File:SchuComic7Page48.jpg
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Back Cover
</gallery>}}</center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Reldnahc]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!

2011-03-21T04:25:44Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Add link to Chores

'''You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!''' is the gallery of fail Chris added to his own [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article in March 2008 <ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997480063&oldid=1997479407</ref> in a bizarre mindfuck attempt to presumably show humility. Also, he probably did it because he thought it would appease the trolls, who delight in seeing examples of Chris suffering.

Instead of showing situations demonstrating how he fails in real life, Chris posts various scenes from his comic book subjecting [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his Mary-Sue character]] to various misfortunes. How this amounts to self-deprecation, [[Autism|only Chris knows]], since Chris sees mild inconveniences like doing [[chores]] or being [[Get-Tar Region|told not to loiter]] as great [[Chris and his Ego|trials of adversity]]. Scenes in his comic where he's anything less than immaculate, he considers ultimate acts of humility.

What Chris fails to understand is that
#People can tell the difference between fact and fiction and ex-cathedra proclamations. That clearly shows that the speaker [[Chris and reality|doesn't understand this]]. That is ''a little bit'' unsettling.
#Readers actually prefer that fictional characters have some weaknesses (we in the industry call this "depth".) Albeit, they are generally a bit more believable and less crippling than what's seen here.

It is presented here exactly as it originally appeared on ED.

==You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!==

And it is shown in the following clips:

<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic5Cover.jpg|I let myself get taunted and jeered to the max.
Image:AutisticFreak.jpg|I Called Myself a FREAK!
Image:CarpetStain.jpg|I had my head rubbed vigerously against a rough carpet.
Image:BloodTear.jpg|And it left me shedding Tears of Blood.
Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|I set my ASS ON FIRE!
Image:MajorWedgie.jpg|I was given the worst wedgie of my life!
Image:CrashedIntoaWall.jpg|I crashed full-speed into walls!
Image:DrenchedwithSoda.jpg|I got DRENCHED in Soda, turned bad from the accident.
Image:Dogpile.jpg|I was piled on by a bunch of Jerkops.
Image:CWCComet.jpg|I led a comet into a path of my self-destruction.
Image:GrippedbyHead.jpg|I was gripped by mattalic[sic] digits by my head.
Image:GuiltyInnocense.jpg
Image:DroppedMyself.jpg|And I dropped myself.
Image:Headache.jpg|I had major headaches.
Image:WangedinHead.jpg
Image:KickedWhackedFaceinSand.jpg|Not to mention being BEAT UP Numerously.
Image:TKOGundam.jpg
Image:TookHeavyDamage.jpg
Image:GrossedMyselfOUT.jpg|Grossed Myself the FREAK OUT!
Image:SinkIntoAbyss.jpg|I let myself fall into an ABYSS.
Image:IgnoredMyself.jpg|I ignored myself.
Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|Drew myself Stupidly.
Image:RenderedUnconsious.jpg|I've worn myself unconsious[sic].
Image:SilverPlatter.jpg|And I served myself on a Silver Platter!
</gallery></center>

==Sauce==
<references/>

[[Category: Historical Documents]]
[[category: Images]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey

2011-02-27T01:30:57Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Unneeded piping

{{Transcription}}

[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]] is a three-part series of videos that was leaked out onto the internet on [[February 2011|February 21, 2011]] by one [http://www.youtube.com/user/MiHiVidz MiHiVidz] on [[Youtube]]. The series showcases the long-lost phone conversation between [[Kacey]] and [[Solid Chris]] on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]] that led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, the [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|marriage of Liquid Chris and Kacey the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Ian tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|First]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

''[Done up to 08:00, more to come later]''

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really...act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out ignored everything I said.
 '''Chris:''' [makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_vision tunnel vision]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[sic]]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[tard rage|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [pause] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you just hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, I mean, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still eat fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week. 
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food 
 '''Chris:''' I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week. 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight? 
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners. '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, a banquet 
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional value of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook. 
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time. 
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them. 
 '''Chris:''' I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your own food...I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better. But I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not. 
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]
}}

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Naïve

2011-02-24T05:22:16Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Add another reference, clean up the look of some of the piped links (It's not exactly necessary, but it makes viewing the source look as nice as the regular page)

[[Image:Naivewater.png|150px|right]]

{{quote|oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "NAIVE", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.
But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.|Chris on the dreaded word<ref>From a YouTube comment to [[Liquid Chris]] on the [[REAL Protest against the FAKE#Youtube comments from Chris|REAL Protest against the FAKE]] video.</ref>}}

{{quote|You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.|
Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, giving his opinion on the matter}}

'''Naïve''' is one of [[Chris]]'s most-used insults; despite this, it is apparently his least favorite word.<ref>From [[Mailbag 21#Chris's favorite curse word is an "F" followed by 3 asterisks|Mailbag 21]].</ref><ref>[[Autism Tutorial Extra]] - "...my first least favorite of all time is 'naive'."</ref> According to Merriam-Webster's English dictionary, the word "naïve" means "deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; especially: credulous"<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/naive Merriam-Webster's online entry about "naïve"]</ref>; Chris, however, defines it in his [[The July 10th Messages|July 10th Messages]] as merely "questioning one's intelligence", showing that he only understands the most overly simplified definition of the word. By the time of the [[Jackie e-mails]], he had apparently corrected his definition outwardly, but unless he really cares about his [[Virgin with rage|non-existent experience]], he probably still believes it simply means "stupid".<ref>"Naive; it questions my mentality and experience."</ref> In the [[Wallflower E-mails]], he finally uses the correct definition, confirming that "naive" is really just an unacceptable jab at his [[ego|unwarranted self-importance]].<ref>ibid. "My least favorite word of ALL time is "naive", [[random-access humor|NOT because of how it is spelt]], but it questions and belittles ones intelligence and experience. I am well-experienced and knowledgeable in a lot of things." Note that the Wallflower did not ask him for this answer.</ref> He also refers to it as "the cruelest of words". He often pairs it with "[[autism|retard]]", "[[slow in the mind]]", or one of his many other [[CWC-ism]] insults.

Chris has called others ([[Liquid Chris|largely]] [[Alec Benson Leary|trolls]]) "naïve" on many occasions. During the Liquid Saga, he remarked that the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] sounds "[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|about as bad as the word naïve to me now]]". It has never occurred to Chris that assuming that other people find the word "naïve" as offensive as he does is — well — naïve.

The origins of Chris's disdain for this word likely come from occasions when it has been used against him in attempts to give him constructive criticism, such as the [[Vivian Gee E-mails]]. He seems to have twisted its original, relatively polite meaning into the worst insult he can muster. When [[Father Call|Kacey's father]] called him naïve, Chris became enraged, almost to the point of threatening physical violence.

Ironically, back in the comics, he's accurately used it to describe himself in a non-condescending way, being "naive about dating during young adult years", suggesting that he once understood its definition properly. He seems to get seriously offended when other people call him that, but has used it several times to describe himself in the past tense.

=== Ways in which Chris is naïve ===

* He believes that [[Sonichu]] is a [[Common Questions#26 January 2010|popular internet topic with millions of fans]]. Despite all of the evidence proving that Sonichu has no real fans (only 5,000 or so trolls), he continues to believe in this delusion on the grounds that he is an "[[Mailbag 53|optimist]]."
* He believes that swallowing his own [[Navy|semen]] will keep his sperm count high.
* He believes that everyone [[Recycling|shares]] [[Death threats|his]] [[Mass Debating|bad]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|habits]].
* He is under the impression that [[Asperger_syndrome|Asperger's]] must be completely different from [[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] due to their different names, despite [[Mailbag 4#Chris the close-minded|lacking]] any [[Autism Awareness E-mails|proof]] to back this belief, or the fact that people who study and research these disorders for a living prove that they are similar.
* He thinks that all [[Homos|gays]] are [[Chris|malicious perverts]] that want to have [[Chris and Health|anal]] [[Chris and Sex|sex]], the same beliefs as the [[Wikipedia:Westboro Baptist Church|Westboro Baptist Church]].
* He believes that [[Sonichu (character)|cartoon characters]] are [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|real, living beings]] that exist in an alternate [[CWCville|world]].<ref>From the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|second]] of the [[Alec Benson Leary calls]].</ref>
* He believes that [[Chris and Copyright#Copyright registration|registering "digital drawings"]] with the Library of Congress gives him [[Chris and his ego|complete control]] over anything done with [[Sonichu]].<ref>The subject of the video "[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]".</ref>
* He believes that simply being alive counts as "experience", despite the fact that he never goes out to experience anything.
* He believes that [[Wikipedia:Correlation implies causation (logical fallacy)|correlation implies causation]]; or, that if he demands something happen (mostly via [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|YouTube video]] or his [[Death threats#Cogsdev|now]]-[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|abandoned]] [[Cwcipedia|website]]), and - by some miracle - it happens, then his demands must have caused the desired effect. These effects include death or extreme misfortune for people, and downtime or content removal for websites.
* He believes that marijuana is simply a more dangerous [[Tobacky|cigarette]].
* He believed that people who had been insulting and playing tricks on him for years would actually fulfill [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|their promise]] to give him $9,001 for [[The MovingForward videos|smashing]] his [[PS3]].
* He believed that [[Molvanîa]] existed.

==Sauce==
<references />

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]][[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Autism Tutorial Extra

2011-02-24T05:04:09Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Transcript */ Good links

{{quote|'''Ja!'''|Hans Asperger}}

'''Autism Tutorial Extra''' is a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level created by [[Chris]] where he proves, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|once again]] that he's in complete denial of what [[Asperger syndrome]] really is. Interestingly, the level works in the same way for the [[Autism Tutorial]], as the [[Sub-Episodes]] did for the [[Sonichu comic]], namely with Chris proving his superiority over an obvious strawman by psychically assaulting him and then prattling on about how much unbearable torment the strawman in question has inflicted upon him. Chris also mispronounces Asperger as “Ass Burger” the entire time, [[Jack_Thaddeus_Phone_Call_2|showing he's learned nothing]].

Interestingly, though Chris lambastes Asperger for not leaving the term autism "as it was," "autism" was initially used to describe narcissistic symptoms of schizophrenia before Asperger's 1938 lecture. Asperger's work helped distinguish autism as we know it today from more dangerous mental disorders. Furthermore, Hans's paper never refers to autistics as psychopaths, invalidating another one of Chris's claims.
==Video==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|Am4f9P5LPs8}}</Center>

===Transcript===
[[Image:Hans_asperger.jpg|thumb|right|Dr. Hans Asperger was a famed pediatrician whose work to improve the quality of life for autistic children earned him international renown and the admiration of thousands.]]
[[Image:Aspergered.jpg|thumb|right|In this video, Chris beats him up because he doesn't like his last name.]]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, because apparently after you decided to watch last part--after watching the Autism Tutorial, we have a special guest for you today! Please put your hands together for a reasonably facsimile of, Mr. Hans Asperger!

(Hans Asperger is seen at the far end of the stage. He has gigantic bulging eyes and wears a crown. Chris walks over to join him, standing [[Homos|almost intimately close]] to shake his hand, as a backdrop and desk fall from the sky to complete the talk-show atmosphere. After Chris walks over to his desk, Hans smiles and waves to an audience silent as the grave.)

I am your host, Christian Chandler, on this '''[[Duck|short]]''' talk show. And this is Mr. Hans Asperger. Now, let's talk about him for a bit: Now, apparently--Mr. Hans Asperger. From the Vienna University Hospital in 1938--Oh, how ''recent!''--you gave a lecture in Germany, on "[[Chris|Autistic Psychopaths]]", after investigating a mild form of Autism. Isn't that right, Hans?

(Hans turns to face Chris.)

'''Hans:''' Ja!

And also, apparently, this separate diagnosis, as it is quoted, was not recognized until 1991. Only one year before I was born. Although coined from your name, Mr. Asperger, apparently a Mr. [[Wikipedia:Leo Kanner|Leo Kanner]] took the study much further and established the term "Early Infantile Autism". Do you applaud Mr. Kanner for his work?

'''Hans:''' Ja!

''I see''. Now, in my feeling alone--possibly mutual with others--the name Asperger. It strikes me badly, and I feel offended just by hearing the word. Do you feel I have the right to my own opinions and feelings as an individual person, Hans?

'''Hans:''' Ja! (It is clear by now that Hans does not understand English.)

Thank you very much, good sir. Now, do you feel--do you feel bad about having a name that sounds like a bad cut of cow meat?

'''Hans:''' Ja!

Do you feel that I, Christian Weston Chandler, do not deserve any blame or punishment for having an opinion of a single word, such as Asperger?

'''Hans:''' Ja!

Do you have a general understanding about how I feel about you now?

(Something falls from the sky and lands atop Chris's desk.)

'''Hans:''' Ja!

(Chris walks over to Hans again, once again intimately close.)

Are you ''positive'' you really understand how I feel about you, Mr. Hans Asperger?

'''Hans:''' Ja!

(Chris gives a wide, deceptive smile as he goes back and forth with Hans.)

[[Random Access Humor|Yeah?

'''Hans:''' Ja!

Yeah?

'''Hans:''' Ja!

Yeah?

'''Hans:''' Ja!]]

(Chris is suddenly very annoyed. He bitch-slaps Hans to the ground. It is also revealed that Hans has a tail.)

[[Wikipedia:Baka_(fool)|Baka]]!

(Hans quickly regains his footing, facing away from Chris and looking over his shoulder in terror.)

I feel dislike towards you! For selfishly putting your ill name in association with autism! And with a name like Asperger! I feel it only makes us Autistic kind sound ''even worse!'' ''Aspergers.'' You shoulda left it as it was!. Autism is autism! And in your research you linked it up with psychopaths! I feel even more offended at ''that!'' Now get out of my sight!

'''Hans:''' Ja! (Hans quickly runs off the stage.)

(Chris looks out over the audience, crossing his hands in front of him.)

I do apologize for that, uh, rude outburst, [[Trolls|folks]]. But then again, that was just the way I felt and have been feeling about the word "Asperger" since I first heard it a few years ago. It is my second least favorite word, where my first least favorite of all time is "[[Naive]]". Again, I apologize if I came off as bad to anybody, or made them feel bad, for the way I acted. But then again, I do get emotional and carried away sometimes. Thank you for watching, and have a good, safe, and blessed day.

(The game cuts to Hans standing in some sort of Level Completion area, still terrified. He stands there, legs quaking, as the screen behind him rattles off the achievements. Some tiny explosions of what appear to be glass go off around Hans's head as the video ends.)

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 6]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Extra|Current]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Ivy Q&A

2011-02-16T05:02:10Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* After Emily */ Space: the final frontier

The '''[[Ivy]] Q&A''' was posted on 13 [[February 2011]]. It shed further light on the Ivy Saga ([[March 2009|March]] — [[July 2009|July]] [[2009]]).

==General questions==
{{quoteboxred|Assuming that you weren't forced to abort, what was your original plan for ending the [[saga]]? Did you have anything special planned for the breakup?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 17:18, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Not really. I was just going to ride it out to a certain point. Like any other relationship, I would have broke it off if things got stale.}}

{{quoteboxred|Also how did you get Chris to watch [[Wikipedia:The End of Evangelion|End of Evangelion]] and did he have any prior exposure to [[Wikipedia:Neon Genesis Evangelion|the series]]?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:42, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I liked Evangelion to an extent but it was my good friend who was the real fan. He wanted Chris to watch it. I basically said "Oh, you should watch this, you'll enjoy it" and that's what kicked it off. Chris said he liked the sex scene between [[Wikipedia:Misato Katsuragi|Misato]] "and that guy" but that [[Wikipedia:Rei Ayanami|Rei]] melting everywhere made him uncomfortable. He was familiar with Evangelion but not really a heavy watcher.}}

{{quoteboxred|How much contact did you have with Chris? Also, were you ever actually planning on meeting Chris like he mentions in [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this video]]?--[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 18:15, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Chris called me a lot- it would have been impossible to keep track of how often. I'd just pick up and talk to him then.}}

{{quoteboxred|How much input did you have into the content Chris produced during the saga? Were the [[Wedding Comic|Wedding]]/[[Giant Penis Comic|Honeymoon Comics]] based on your suggestions, or did Chris come up with it on his own?--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 18:27, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Basically I would plant the seed and Chris would sow it. I'd occasionally suggest small details like what someone would wear or which friends I would want included or whatever. For the wedding comic, I just suggested that we have a wedding comic to prove himself to me. I made a few suggestions but he pretty much did it all on his own. 
With the honeymoon comic, I said something like "I want a honeymoon comic" and he did things like have my dad, [[Officer Keino]], make an appearance. Though… I specifically wanted him to make an accurate depiction of [[Duck|his dick]] in the wedding comic because I worried he'd hide the bend. To comply with this request he traced his penis to cut down on effort (and staring).}}

{{quoteboxred|Opinions regarding how Chris became the way he is vary from assigning him [[Chris and psychology|over nine thousand different mental diseases and disorders]], to crediting his 'perfect storm' of behavioral issues to simply shitty parenting of an autistic kid. As one of his more dedicated trolls, what are your thoughts? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Like [[Wikipedia:Lady Gaga|Lady Gaga]] would say, I think he was [[Wikipedia:Born This Way|born that way]]. :(}}

{{quoteboxred|Most of the trolling aside from [[BlueSpike]]'s efforts seems designed with the ultimate goal of helping Chris (eg "Get a job" is a requirement of practically all [[sweetheart]]s). Do you believe this has had any effect? Can they? Following on from that, do you support BlueSpike style trolling, aka purposely inflicting as much harm on Chris as possible with no 'goal'? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I really haven't been following trolling in Chris since I've been playing golf in Heaven with [[Wikipedia:Boudica|Boudicca]] and [[Wikipedia:Lilith|Lilith]] so I'm not really sure. But, I really don't think either method is effective. Neither result will help nor harm Chris in the long run.}}

{{quoteboxred|Is it true that one time when Chris called you, one of your parents (or someone pretended to be your parent) picked up the phone and told Chris off for calling all the time and so damn early in the morning? --[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 20:49, 4 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|No.}}

{{quoteboxred|Was there a point were trolling Chris stopped being fun and became a chore? As in, because he kept calling, you felt you HAD to talk to him and you HAD to keep dealing with him? A follow up question: was it your idea to end it or and outside source? -- [[User:TheMAN|TheMAN]] 03:03, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|For the first question, it never felt like a chore because I'd only pick up when I wanted to and we'd have fun. It stopped being fun towards the end. It got kinda sketchy and I felt uncomfortable. It got too personal. As for the second part, you'll see a thorough answer further down...}}

{{quoteboxred|The say that a madman falling in love with you is a scarier situation than a madman wanting to kill you.{{cite}} Were you frightened or disturbed by any of your contacts with Chris? Or if not, were you merely amused by his bizarre methods of showing affection? --[[User:DJChaos|DJChaos]] 15:22, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I was often amused by Chris, perplexed, and impressed. But he wasn't really that bad, he would just gross me out.}}

{{quoteboxred|When [[Rocky]] decided to call [[the police]], did you have any conversations with her at all? Obviously the background check on you came up with nothing, but did you have any problems at all with Rocky's meddling? - [[User:Machop|Machop]] 16:57, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I didn't talk to Rocky. We had constant problems with Rocky as did Bob and Barb. It didn't just affect me and [[Josh]], but Chris's home life. She's a [[troll]] herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.}}

{{quoteboxred|This one's kinda stupid, but i am a little curious. When Chris made the wedding comic the dress was ripped off from [[Wikipedia:November Rain|November Rain]]. Since Chris only listens to video game music or songs from guitar hero, chances are he never heard of that song or seen that video. Did you ever mention that you liked [[Wikipedia:Guns and Roses|guns and roses]]/November rain, or is that some of his [[random-access humor|random accessness]]? --[[User:CaseHa|CaseHa]] 17:10, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I mentioned the dress explicitly. I told him I loved the video and I loved the dress. I thought, "If I'm going to get married at the circus, let's go all out".}}

{{quoteboxred|If you had one more time to troll Chris before you died, what else would you have done to the manchild? --[[User:PedoforkBait|PedoforkBait]] 18:06, 5 February 2010 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Nothing, because I am [[Chris and death|dead]].}}

{{quoteboxred|Probably a stupid question but have you ever talked to Barb or Bob on the phone? If so, How did it go? --[[User:Lucida|Lucida]] 7:41, 6 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Yes, keep scrolling!}}

{{quoteboxred|How did you find out about Chris stealing his parent's credit cards for his [[PSN]] account?

--[[User:Lucida|Lucida]] 7:52, 6 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I confronted him about the bounced check and he admitted to using his parents' cards on PSN. Bob later told me Chris was nicking small change from Barb and that he knew Chris was stealing from them via their credit cards.}}

{{quoteboxred|Kind of piggybacking on another user's question: If you had had the chance to meet Chris in person, how do you think the event would have progressed? Would you have attempted to follow Chris's itinerary to a certain point before suggesting different activities, ride it the whole way through, or completely hijack it? Also, judging how the date with [[Emily]] (and any other female) went, it seems that Chris's ultimate goal in meeting up with a woman is to kiss and/or [[Sex|bed her]]. Would you have been prepared for his advances? Would you have brought along a chaperon/bodyguard, or did you believe that Chris was actually pretty harmless and that you could easily deflect his moves?

-- [[User:Elliecoral|Elliecoral]] 17:08 7 February 2011 (EST) ''[minor edit for grammar]''}}

{{quotebox|If Chris showed up at my house, I'd call my dad and yell "[[RAPE]]!". I wouldn't be worried about actual rape but just because Chris brings trouble. I'm also pretty certain [[Wikipedia:Purell|Purrell]] doesn't clean feces… I don't want him touching me with those hands.}}

{{quoteboxred|Ivy, I am curious. What was your reaction to the creeptacular videos Chris made for you, particularly "[[Message for Ivy]]" and "[[For my Sweetest Ivy]]"? Did you start to second guess your decision to help troll Chris? What was your reaction to "For my Sweetest Ivy" [[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment|getting played on the radio]]? It seems Chris has arguably made some of his creepiest and disturbing videos during your saga, and was totally enamored with you. Was there anything different you were doing in your trolling of Chris over the phone, as he seemed to be obsessed with your more than any other "sweetheart" of any saga before or since. I only ask this since we don't have your phone calls to hear for ourselves, so I'm curious if you did anything unique to get Chris so wrapped up in you? [[User:Nigroid|Nigroid]] 14:26, 7 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Everything Chris does impresses me. Whether it's backstabbing me or wooing me, I have always been impressed. I loved when one of Chris' videos to me was on the radio. Why would I record myself? I'm just having fun with my good buddy Chris.}}

{{quoteboxred|Ivy's Ghost, what was it about what you did that seemed to influence Chris to draw comic and also bring the crazy out of him? Also, you seem to have been the last sweetheart to use a fursona/sonic recolor sidekicks. Would you recommend future sweethearts to do the same? [[User:Barachulove|Barachulove]] 20:23, 7 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Already answered the first part. As for the second part, there's no surefire recipe to get Chris to do what you want him to do. If Chris likes you, he likes you. It's just purely a matter of chance.}}

{{quoteboxred|Ivy, I guess this question has to do with meeting Chris, but how badly did Chris want to meet you in real life? And did Chris have any intentions of getting married with you(because of [[Daughter|his daughter Crystal]]), or possibly getting a place together(If it went that far in Chris's mind)? Or did Chris just want you inside of [[14 Branchland Court|his filthy home]] and having degrading "[[hanky-panky]]" in the garbage heaps of his house(because nothing says romance like rolling around in some garbage with an overweight man-child)? [[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 4:20, 8 February 2011 (EST)}}

{{quotebox|Yes to all the above. I don't know how far the rabbit hole goes, and I didn't want to find out.}}

{{quoteboxred|Any relation to [[Wikipedia:Poison Ivy (comics)|Poison Ivy]]? [[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 10:29, 8 February 2011 (EST)}}

{{quotebox|[[Soul Calibur|SOUL CALIBER]].}}

{{quoteboxred|This is an odd one, but was there, at any time, a moment when you felt a morsel of pity and/or (misguided) affection for Chris, or believed that he could be changed? (Granted, we mostly despise Chris, but there are a few times when some of us feel sorry for him and wish he could improve himself.) Do you believe Chris can redeem himself and become a somewhat functioning member of society, or is he a lost cause? For that matter, did you consider [[white knight]]ing? -- [[User:Elliecoral|Elliecoral]] 18:11, 8 February 2011 (EST)}}

{{quotebox|I felt bad for Chris when Josh was ripping him off until I found out that Chris was ripping Josh off as well. I feel bad for his parents. They did make him, but they also had to endure problems themselves. There's some mental illness in the family, I bet. I don't think Chris can get better because all the influences in his life suck.}}

{{quoteboxred|Your saga produced some of the most bizzare behavior from Chris. While he certainly did some weird stuff before you came along, his videos for you contained some of the most disturbing behavior he has ever shown. Among Chris's sweethearts, what made you so unique that you were able to get such strangeness out of him? Did you approach him differently? [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 01:08, 9 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Vegas, baby. Vegas.}}

{{quoteboxred|What was the grossest thing Chris ever said to you? I think other people have already asked this but how did you get Chris to start talking to you and did he ever get a "real" picture of you? (as in a picture of a random person from the [[internet]]) Or was Chris just going off of drawn pictures?[[User:Interested bystander|Interested bystander]] 19:01, 9 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Chris was going off the drawing alone. The grossest things he said to me were anything involving his bodily functions, him sleeping in the the products of said bodily functions. Oh and "sammies".}}

{{quoteboxred|Was it hard to play it straight when talking to Chris on the phone? Did you ever break character, or just start cracking up? [[User:darkhorse816|darkhorse816]] 22:21, 9 February 2011 (CST)}}

{{quotebox|If I was bored, I was bored. If I laughed, I laughed. I hid nothing. A lot of it was me saying "yeah, yeah, uh huh". I just had him call me back. Whatever I felt, I made no secret of.}}

==Chris stories==

{{quoteboxred|Outside of what's been documented, are there any funny Chris stories you can share with us? [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:57, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

===Beginnings===
Actually, John Ritter’s Nutsack, I do have a select few!

During the time of CWCiki’s successful contact, I was busy in heaven getting my nails did. I’ve got a super shade color here, Blue Satin #461 by Chanel. I paid 48-H Quarters at the Church of the Miraculous Nordstrom for it…

I remember that there was a time when my entire existence filtered through this color, blue. Battery Blue… paired with [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|Mellow Yellow]]- and so very much brown.

In the beginning, I used to watch the Chris videos with various friends because he reminded me of different peers from high school (my graduating class was upwards of 500 individuals. More peers always ment a higher [[Slow-in-the-minds|challenged]] population roaming the hallways unattended).

I wanted to surprise a good friend by getting a shout out from Chris for us. When [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|I finally achieved this]] he said her name [''Rachel''] wrong during the recording. I phoned him back and pointed out the error. Chris promised to get right to amending this mistake. No big deal, right?

Well, this pretty much set the tone for our entire relationship.

Before the Emily date occurred [''19 March 2009''], when I initially phoned Chris, I was subjected to a quiz by his parents. I spoke to [[Bob]] first.

"Hi! I'm such and such, from such and such. Oh, I know Chris from INSERT PLACE HERE.”

Bob responded by urging me to slow down. He said some endearing terms, though I don't remember the specifics. Politely, he informed me that he had to get his wife because “she's in charge of messages for Chris”.

He passed me to [[Barb]]. At first, it seemed like she was content to just chitchat. Out of nowhere, she interjected (while I was telling her about [[Wikipedia:New England|New England]]). “I'm sorry, I have to get my pad o' paper."

I'm pretty sure it was a trusty spiral-bound notebook that she used frequently, because I could hear a lot of paper being flipped about.

We begin again and she listed off the following questions:

"Your name? 
Middle name? 
Last name? 
Dad's name? 
Mom's name? 
What they did for a living? 
Divorced or married? 
First, second, marriage? 
Siblings? 
Any cousins nearby? 
Where you live? 
Any family in [[Charlottesville]]? 
Favorite color? 
What High school did you attended? 
Presently in College? 
Major? 
Was that your first choice? 
Did you have a "secondary major"? 
Any pets? 
Do you still live with your parents? 
Roommates? 
Your roommate's name? 
Roommate’s birth date? 
How tall are you? 
What do you look like?...”

Next, she asked what my culture was. I said Irish. She also asked my eye and hair colors, body type (despite already stating such when asked “how I looked”). Again, she asked for my roommate's birth date (apologies were given for being forgetful, but there was no re-mentioning of her notebook’s presence).

I had called the house phone because when I tried his cell he had a recording stating that if you want to talk to him, to call his house phone (later, he would add to “speak with parents”).

Barb’s impromptu quiz went on for a half hour. Pretty loopy situation but she was nice to me. She kept referring to me as "dear" and what-not. Though, she continued doubled check things and asked me to repeat from five or ten minutes ago up until the very end of the session. At long last, Barb passed Chris the phone.

Chris initially wouldn't talk, at all. He was super quiet, and would penetrate the silence with an occasional “yeah” and “mmyeah”. I'm not sure if his parents were in the room but I aimed to fill in the gaps. I really wanted that shout out.

The time spent talking with Chris was monumentally less than the time with Barb. I spoke to him maybe fifteen minutes tops, and the majority of it was a struggle.

Eventually, he agreed to a shout out. [[Apology to Emily|The video]] was primarily aimed at Emily for missing their date (which I had zero idea about). Once done making excuses for blanking on the stood-up girl, he did the shout out and said the name wrong.

I phoned him back and informed him of the disappointment my friend and I shared. I asked him, point blank, “if you can't remember her name, how could you remember mine?"

Chris profusely apologized… and than went on for twenty minutes about [[Wikipedia:Burnout Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]. Compared to the other call, it was as if I were speaking with a completely other guy.

"Oh yeah! If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new [[heartsweet]]."

Suddenly, I was pretty uncomfortable. I told him such was probably didn’t need to be considered as Emily really seemed to be his type. Despite this, Chris continued on. He said he wanted to move away from sexual stuff because his last girlfriend “really wore him out”. Apparently, his dick would hurt during the act and would stay sore afterwards.

Emily and the [[Pickle Man]] happened. I would later find out that Chris was extremely proud that he did not [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|defecate in his pants]] when he first saw the Pickle Man. Chris’ only thoughts, at the time, were: "Am I pooing myself? I hope I don't poo myself."
===After Emily===
Pickle Man left with Emily, then there were [[Hooker incident|the hookers]] and after [[Clyde]] called him, Chris called me. For the rest of our relationship, Chris would be the primary initiator of our phone calls. Only after the completion of a long-term project, or a fuck up would I phone him.

During this call he wasn't so broken up about Emily as he was pissed about the Pickle Man. He was really pissed about Clyde making his mom upset, too. He said his Dad took care of the hookers, though he was brief on the details.

After Chris launched back into [[video games]] for a bit, he switched topics.

He told me that since Emily hadn’t worked out he’d like for me do him the honor of… I told him we could see how things went between the two of us. I wanted to take it slow because I really didn’t know him that well. Plus, My dad usually likes to check out guys first. Chris assured me that he too liked to take things slow- and that he could be my man.

He asked about my [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character. I completely blanked. I had briefly mentioned the existence of such during our initial call to get onto his good side. I told him my character's name was [[Luckette]]. Chris was disgusted and thought this name sounded “[[Homos|too French]]”. He recommended something more American, like Daisy!

I had to rush to draw my character and I sent him that. I included some fan art along the way, too. The drawing of my Sonichu character got cropped in [[Wikipedia:GIMP|Gimp]] so it dropped the 'e' from the end of “Luckette”. Chris really hated this change. He added that I could improve on my handwriting, too. “You could write hearts over the 'I's".

From the get-go, he would never complement my drawings. He would always find something wrong with them. Like, "This character looks like she has three legs and [[Women's rights|very bruised eyes]]”.

He asked me about the drawing of myself. He wanted to know if “the drawing was true to real life”. I didn’t know what to say, so he added: "Is it accurate?". I agreed. He did a nervous laugh and said: "Woahhhh, I could get use to that”!

We then had a really deep discussion about what my character was. Instead of a sheep, Chris said she could be [[Layla Flaaffy|a Flaffy]]. I mentioned [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pokémon_(152–201)#Mareep|Mareeps]] and was quickly shut down. Chris than went on about [[Reginald Sneasel|a Sneasel named Reginald]]…

Chris returned to the subject of names. He insisted that he didn't approve of the French name, or the cropped out “e”. I gave in. I told him I was going to change it to a few other things but he wasn’t pleased with any of these suggestions, either. Finally, I came up with Layla next. I chose Layla because it sounded like a hooker's name- not because of [[Wikipedia:Eric Clapton|Clapton]] (though I do like [[Wikipedia:Layla (song)|that song]]!). I thought Chris would moan but he was thrilled. She sounded beautiful!

"I bet my Reginald would find your Layla VERY sexy! I think Reginald would like to take Layla on a date. I think Reginald would like to Layla to [[McDonald's]]…”

Chris suddenly told me that he wanted the two to get busy in the [[McDonald's]] bathroom. “I bet that before the second part of their date, they could take a potty break and Reginald would leave the door open to be a flirt and they could exchange some kisses," Chris told me. Chris also made mention of them washing their hands together.

Just like Chris wasn’t won over by my names, I wasn’t exactly buying the idea of Layla hooking up with this Reginald. I told Chris that Layla would find [[Punchy]] more her type. She's into the Asian persuasion, y’know. Chris was caught off guard.

He could have sworn I knew that Punchy and [[Angelica]] was an item. I replied that not everyone ends up with their sweetheart. Chris didn't end up with YOUR high school sweetheart, did he? Nope. Well, nor did I- as I was presently single, after all. “that makes the two of us," Chris giggled. I said the two people could fall in love at any point in their life. He got excited and declared that meant Angelica could help Reginald feel better about himself.

Chris said "I love you”. Now, and whenever else he’d say this I would never say it back, I would say "I'm sure you do" or do something like [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXo3NFqkaRM this].

That call was the 19th of [[March 2009|March]]. That same day, he released [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated#Director's cut|the edit of the shout out video]].

The next time he called me, it was the first time I brought up the '[[Holding Out For a Hero]]' video. He said he'd consider it as. Despite just meeting me, I told him I already “felt a connection with him. I feel like you're my hero. I have this vision of you rescuing me from my school on a horse. I want you to make a video just like that." At this point he was all in.

He asked me if I would ever sing for him in return. He said how he sung with his mom and compared himself to Bing Crosby. He wanted me to sing him an “old song” "I want you to sing me an old song”. I found a video my friend had send me earlier [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7l2HNbGiLM this video] and sing-talked. He wanted me to record this but I told him I didn't have any equipment of that nature. Instead, I taught him the song and he followed along and sang over me. He didn't know the lyrics.

I informed Chris that I would really like it if he sang MY favorite song, too. He threw in some ideas, saying he wanted to make a comic for it. This was great! Although, I was hoping he'd animate it, I was still really impressed that he just had these ideas to begin with.

Sadly, we got into a little tiff because I wanted the [[Wikipedia:Bonnie Tyler|Bonnie Tyler]] version of “[[Wikipedia:Holding out for a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]” because he already had the [[Wikipedia:Frou Frou (band)|Frou frou]] version from [[Wikipedia:List of songs featured in Shrek#Track_listing_3|the Shrek 2 soundtrack]]. He wanted to use that one instead of “spending more [[My Coke Rewards|coke reward]] points on the same song”. I didn't like that version. The Bonnie Tyler version reminded me of my Dad. He backed off and agreed to look it up on youtube.

When we caught up again he was really annoyed. He couldn’t identify Bonnie’s gender and preferred the Frou Frou version as “we could slow dance to it”.

I told him again that I preferred Bonnie because of my Dad. Chris sighed and complied, saying he’d allow this sort of thing just this one time. I squealed! “Eeeeeeeeeeeee” just like [[Bionic]] in that one comic with hearts in my eyes and such. I asked if he could have it done the next day or so…

It took him about six days to deliver [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the video]]. He called before I watched and said he did it all with his [[PSEye|PSeye]]. He wanted to know when I was going to get MY PSeye? (I had revealed that I had a [[PS3|ps3]] previously in passing) and he released the video.

The video opened with him looking enthused and diddling about on his plastic [[guitar]]. I recall thinking he looked a bit like the [[wikipedia:Mark David Chapman|guy that had did in John Lenon]] during those first few frames. Soon, however, it got really good. I never asked why he put the cards in the video, though.

My favorite part was when he started really rocking out and did the guitar solo over his head. Pure delight.

A few days down the line, I asked for a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of his house]]. When I visited Chris, I wanted to feel like I was already at home. I wanted my first time walking in his house to be like “yeah, I belong here', and I desired to know where everything is. He preferred to just show me [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. But… how did he get to his bedroom? He offered the garden but no dice. He chuckled and agreed.

===Threats===
Couple days later, I got a phone call pretty early in the morning from Chris. He was freaked out! The previous night a guy claiming to be Clyde (sounded nothing like him based on Chris' impression) left a voice mail saying that he wanted to KILL Chris! After calming him down, I told Chris that I highly doubted that the caller was anywhere near Chris. He was going to be okay. Chris told me that he ”was upset and... things had happened." During this call I would learn all about Chris’ bathroom troubles. He told me had gotten scared and shat himself.

In addition, his mom basically had a vendetta about doing his laundry these days, too, because of this habit of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting himself]] when he was stressed or emotional. Whenever Chris would annihilate his pants to some degree he'd simply dump (teehee) his soiled garments in the laundry without taking care of them first. Each time Barb would do laundry, without fail, there’d be a very special surprise waiting for her. This sort of thing had happened since Chris was a kid but it got worse after school completed. His doctor suggested that Chris could change [[McDonald's|his diet]] or try [[Sonichu's Edge|exercising]] to help things. Chris told the doctor he wanted a pill. Since the issue wasn’t anything clinical, the Doctor told Chris that he could wear protective garments, especially since Chris couldn't feel the mess unless he moved around- long after the deed had been completed. "But that's for babies!" Chris clarified by screaming at me. The doctor corrected that they were liners; he never called them diapers. Neither did Chris- he called them “[[butt garments]]”.

Barb really wanted Chris to at least try the liners but he was determined. So, Barb stated that she would no longer do his laundry. Though, after that Liquid Clyde call, Barb offered to wash his sheets- the next day. He said he when he had woken up in the middle of the night it had been "a big one”. But, instead of racing off to tell his Mom, Chris climbed out of bed and decided to hide from Clyde by putting one big stuffed animal in the middle of the bed with a pair of [[Carlos Chantor|sunglasses]] across it’s face.

Chris hid on the couch and covered himself in stuffed animals. He didn't want to sleep in his bed because of the mess he made, and because “that would be where Clyde would look for him”. If Clyde had infact broken into Chris bedroom that night it was easy to see how Chris potentially would have worked- although not in the way he intended.

After falling back asleep Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|a "sticky dream."]] He said that it had about him and me in a pool, and that as he had been my hero, I could be his heroine too- his “[[God]]’s angel mermaid”. He stated that when he woke up there was yet another mess but "not a bad mess”. “Oh, you had a wet dream?"

Chris giggled and said: "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"

He added that it was the first pleasant dream he had had in some time… and repeatedly kept corrected me about "sticky dreams”. 
After this dream, Chris returned to obsessing over Clyde. I asked Chris what he was going to do about Clyde and was informed that he intended to phone the [[police]] - eventually. I pointed out that Clyde was out of the local police's jurisdiction (federal wasn’t mentioned) as Clyde resided now in [[PandaHalo|Australia]], after all. Chris didn’t understand what jurisdiction meant, but recognized Australia was too far for [[Virginia]]’s boys in blue to visit by car.

I told Chris that he was being too passive. He needed to take charge and be a man. His first confrontation video ended up being kind of lackluster. Others followed and slowly Chris progressed up the ladder… only to get distracted once again.

[[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|The next video]] was one explaining bodily functions to my cousin, Flora (as Chris was an unrivaled expert on this topic). At first he was kind of uncomfortable making it, but I persuaded him that farts were completely natural (like his other ailments) and that he had nothing to worry about. Chris predictably warmed up to the topic and surprised us all by singing for the finale an acoustic ditty of his own.
===Rocky appears===
He produced a steady stream of videos until Rocky made the scene. She appeared March 30th. After she showed up, he decided he didn't want anything to do with youtube. This was a major problem though. [[Youtube]] was the only way I could see by boyfriend’s God-given face. He eventually gave in and returned to youtube upon agreement that videos uploaded needn’t stay public. Once viewed and saved onto my ipod, they would each be deleted from his page.

I started to encourage him to stand up for himself, overall, and get that darn [[ED]] page taken down. Clyde and ED were all one and the same. Around this time, Chris and Rocky discovered [[legi0n]]. Chris was overwhelmed by the colors and sensations of the forum, but before he closed the window, he saw a photoshop of him “as an angel protecting [[cwcville]]”. He loved that picture so much.
===Vanessa Hudgens===
Around the same point [[Vanessa Hudgens]] appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ [[nudes|nudity]]. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.

Chris didn't trust [[Joshua Martinez]], whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules.

I gave Chris the idea for his next domain name, [[cwcville.com]]. He was fairly hung up on purchasing sonichuandrosechuforever.com (or an alternative name of the same nature if his first choice was revealed to be already occupied). However, he was quickly swayed by cwcville.com as it was still proclaimed one of his many creations. We had the hopes that he'd make the new site into a big portal that would feature BRAND NEW, NEVER RELEASED, and ORIGINAL material. He registered the domain via godaddy instead of geocities. He selected "godaddy" as it made him think that it was a family friendly domain registrar or something (thus more trustworthy and accepting of his content).
===Layla and Punchy===
After cwcville.com was established, Chris started on [[episode 19]]. While working on pages he made some fanart of [[Layla]] and [[Punchy]] swapping underwear. I had suggested Chris draw Punchy in women’s underwear sometime (to symbolically display an acceptance of Chris’ interests). When I saw the finished product, I noticed he had shoehorned Layla in there as well. “They both have to do it,” he insisted, “together forever”. Before coloring the final piece he decided to sketch out a one-off of Layla blowing Punch while in wearing boxers.

His plan for episode 19 involved their date at [[McDonalds]]. Chris kept talking about how they'd have sex in the bathroom. He also made a ham-fisted analogy between Punchy/Layla and him/myself. He said that our first date would be at McDonalds, too, and his desire to fuck me in the lavatory. Chris claimed that he normally didn’t approve of sex before marriage, but he was a modern man now who changed with the times. I asked him if Punchy would have the condom, but Chris was adamant that Punchy didn’t have pockets and was insulted when I referenced cartoon loopholes. He tried to suggest that Layla had the condom, but I wouldn't let him as Layla is not that kind of girl. Chris eventually decided that Layla could choose when and when not to birth.

After that pressing matter got resolved, he declared that they were "going to have some fun". Chris also wanted to include [[Wikipedia:Vaginal flatulence|queefing]]. There was [[Wikipedia:Eat, Pray, Queef|an episode]] of [[South Park]] that aired right before this, so it's obvious that's where he got the queefing idea. Though, he never did bring the show up (at least, in reference to queefing). Instead, he acted like he was suddenly concerned about [[Women's rights|women's problems]]. I thought this was weird, but backed up his argument by referencing his incontinence problems. He said that because I accepted his perpetual mud butt, it should be OK for him to be supportive of queefers and include it within the upcoming comic.

I thought that was a great idea! And since I knew about the episode of South Park, I suggested he get glitter and put it in the comic, too. He ended up getting stickers instead. And sadly, in the final cut, he ended up coloring over the queef entirely. I was very disappointed.

While Layla and Punchy were on their date, Layla got a [[Wikipedia:Greek salad|greek salad]] with [[Wikipedia:Ranch dressing|ranch dressing]], [[pickles]] on the side, and a diet [[coke]]. She was watching her figure, after all, implored Chris. Punchy offered her some free fries as they sat across from one another at the day-glo dinner table. Hailing back to her [[Wikipedia:Petting zoo|petting zoo]] roots, Layla ate them from his hand, careful not to nip any wayward digits.

This instance, along with the fact that Punchy had tolerated her gassy [[vagina]], really wowed Layla. She was so impressed that when they went for their "potty break", she ended up fucking the echidna-hitmon-chu.

Chris went into detail about how this unfurled: He said that Punchy had gone to the men’s room and had left the door ajar while he used the facilities. After simultaneously “relieving himself and flirting with Layla” he decided to visit her in the women’s bathroom. They selected the [[Slow-in-the-minds|handicapped]] stall in which to have sex because of the extra elbowroom. After their bathroom escapades, they head to Layla's house to eat again (possibly dessert? Chris intended no innuendos).

Meanwhile, [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] is a jealous little spunk. Originally, Chris had really dramatic ideas planned for Reginald. The blue Sneazelchu was going to slash Punchy's tires. He also was supposed to walk in on Punchy and Layla having sex in the McDonald’s bathroom.

I'm fairly certain that all of this hilarious material was axed from the comic because Chris had been showing [[Rocky]] [[Chris and art|his crafts]] and basically censored himself in the process. To me, however, he simply said he wanted to keep things "TV-Y7".
===''Hey Arnold!''===
While Chris was working on all this, he had a new [[dream]]. After a few rage videos against [[Clyde]], the unpleasant [[troll]] dreams had ceased. His latest bizarre dream involved the show “[[Wikipedia:Hey Arnold!|Hey Arnold]]”. He asked me if I remembered Hey Arnold and when I answered yes, he shrieked: "THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S A FOOTBALL HEAD!” After I picked the phone back up off the floor he apologized and assured me that had been his "[[Wikipedia:Helga Pataki|Helga Pataki]] coming out".

Next, he performed several impressions of the Hey Arnold characters that all sounded eerily similar to one another... In particular, he was especially proud of his [[Wikipedia:List_of_Hey_Arnold!_characters#Arnold.27s_classmates_and_their_families|Phoebe]] because she sounded like [[Angelica Rosechu]]. Phoebe wanted to stick around for quite awhile but eventually Chris let me in on his dream.

It started off with him skiing on a mountain with Arnold. They went off a steep jump and flew/floated through space. When they returned to Earth, they landed in the ocean atop a pair of identical surfboards. Chris high fives Arnold and sees everyone on the beach cheering for them.
===Crabs===
He then began rambling on about his many [[cats]] and [[Patti]] (in Heaven, she prefers to hang around with former First Kitty, [[Wikipedia:Socks (cat)|Sox]] [''sic'']). He asked me if I had pets and I told him that I had two [[Wikipedia:Hermit crab|hermit crabs]], [[Crass and Champ]]. I told Chris that they were married and he suddenly became very interested in the vivacious pair. Always open-minded, he didn't even ask their genders. I don’t think Chris ever did find out that they were [[Homos|both males]]…

It was after I mentioned Crass and Champ that he started talking about visiting the crustaceans and I in real life. He asked me what I would think if I woke up one day and rolled over to find him lying next to me, formerly spooning? Chris would be smiling fondly at me, and would I return this? Or perhaps begin squealing with delight? I asked how he'd manage to get into my dorm room in the first place. He said he'd arrange something with my roommate as she “was clearly supportive of our union”. Despite being fairly certain my roommate wasn’t a shipper fangirl, I made sure to point out to Chris that he most likely wouldn't even have been able to get into the building.
===Easter===
He changed game plan. He said he'd just show up at my [[Wikipedia:Starbucks|Starbucks]] job. He would be excited to see "his sweetie serving treaties". He was also really stoked about getting free drinks while there, and wanted to know if he could get [[Obesity|free food]], too. I had an inkling that McDonalds would be but a distant memory after he had the ability to save those burger dollars and fill up on toffee bars.

He than announced that he intended to stroll up to the counter and order.

“I’ll have a caramel [[Wikipedia:Caffè macchiato|macchiato]], caramel on the side. I’ll have it on my lover, later on.”
Chris decided to upload [[For My Sweetest Ivy|a video greeting the crabs and I]]. This was the “notoriously creepy” video that ended up [[Toucher and Rich Segment|on the radio stations]]. I will always hold dear how much he loved my crabs… and how eager he was to take them for “walkies”.

The next video I requested was for him to get all dolled up for a date with me. I wanted him to mime what our magical first date would be like. Somewhere along the way McDonalds was forgotten. Had Chris and I grown too close for him to uphold this sacred courtship step? I’m thinking the comic took care of such necessary details (and saved him a few bucks in the process). So, instead of elaborating about me rolling over for fries he decided to bring a special guest on the show: [[The Return of Kimmi|a sex doll with my drawn face on it]].

After seeing those videos, I asked Chris how [[church]] went. We ended up getting onto the topic of [[Wikipedia:Easter|Easter]]. Chris started rambling about Easter hunts and how he was upset that he no longer received presents or [[Obesity|chocolate]] anymore. With a stiff upper lip, he accepted that he didn’t get these things, however, because he is “now man, not a little boy”.

I asked him to relive his favorite childhood Easter memories in a video. I also requested he wear his "Easter best". His interpretation of this request was [[Bunny Hop|the bunny hop video]]. Crayola red graced his nose but, sadly, he decided to use permanent markers for his bunny whiskers. He whined about how hard it was to get off and how he was “stuck blushing”.

At this time, Chris [[Biological clock|loved having a schedule and regular work]]. I gave him an assignment of three comic pages a day. On the weekend he was to color the completed pages. After the bunny hop video, he had to be persuaded to upload the pages on time because he was tired from scrubbing the permanent marker off of his face.
===Cheating===
A couple days later I discovered, through the grapevine, that Chris had been cheating on me with [[Vanessa]]. I insisted that I wasn't angry with Vanessa but I was angry with him, although Chris kept pleading with me not to blame Vanessa. I decided to punish him by requesting a video of him spanking himself. Although my intention wasn't that he be naked, Chris decided to kill two birds with one stone and film the spanking video immediately after the shower video he made for Vanessa. I had repeatedly asked for Chris to upload the video, per usual, to [[youtube]] and he point-blank refused. After viewing the video, needless to say I knew why.

Some troll sent Chris a package of “[[butt garments]]” in the mail. Barb thought that they were samples from their doctor, so she kept them, just in case. Chris was angry that she was keeping the diapers and tried to steal them from her multiple times, but he failed. Barb squirreled them away in her room.

My roommate was also really offended that Chris cheated on me and insisted that a mere spanking wasn't an acceptable punishment. She suggested he wear the diapers and label his [[Duck|crotch]] as "unfit for collection". During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to “still look good for me”.

Afterwards, he had to sneak the remaining diapers back into his mother's room. Given this atonement, Chris’ mood returned to normal. He began discussing his plans for meeting up with me again and blamed [[Virgin with rage|his unfulfilled libido]] on his temptation to cheat. He had never mentioned this resurgence of “needs”. Just like with the Easter discussion, and many discussions before, Chris reminded me that he was “a man”. He made to sure to add that [[Julie]] had been “forever ago by now”, too. 
Chris blamed me for why he cheated on Vanessa, and stressed it wasn't Vanessa's fault. He said he felt neglected because his needs weren't being met.

"You said Julie wore you out," I told him.

"But that was forever ago!!" Chris protested.

I asked him why he was telling me all this now but had never gave me a prior explanation. I followed this up by asking what kinds of needs he had. The response wasn’t entirely pleasant. Some of the conversations were as such:
===Love and marriage===
He fantasized about us being married together. I told him I was going to for my PhD in Art History and wanted to take my time [when it came to marriage]. He said he'd do [[art]] as well when we were married, but as a “writer/artist”. I’d come home from a long day of work… then Chris have to go to work. [[Women's rights|I’d cook.]] Chris wanted know if I would mind if, he was really [[stress]]ed out, if he could go to the strip club on the way home? I was taken aback. He was supposed to be telling me about how he had needs. Were these it? He continued by elaborating that if he was especially stressed, this would allow me to continue cooking without his stress interrupting the process.

So, I asked him what we’d do if I had sexual needs?

“I’m sorry, what?” was the reply.

I re-iterated that women have sexual needs, too. He understood. I continued: “therefore, if I'm stressed out, do I get to go to the strip club?"

Chris was very confused. He told me that there were women already there. I offered a male strip club. Chris told me he didn’t think we had those in [[Virginia]]. I asked Chris what if we had a threesome and he said he'd be okay with such. I added that wanted a second man to join us. I received another “what” before he proclaimed that he no longer wished to discuss such topics.

Chris next asked me about my art phd. I told him about how I wanted to be a museum curator. I asked about [[CADD|his college degree]] and he said he would use it to draw [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. I didn’t understand how this work, given the nature of his degree. I concluded that this would mean I was the breadwinner. Chris chimed in that "yeah, we're modern like that”.

I asked what would happen when we procreated. He said that when had [[Daughter|Crystal]], I’d have to take a time out from working. Without hesitation, I asked what if I didn't like the name Crystal? After some disgruntled sighs, I started on about how Crystal was a stripper name. He got upset. Chris always knew his Daughter was supposed to be named Crystal- [[God]] told him so! I asked him what if God told me that MY daughter's name wasn’t crystal, and he got mad. I flat out told him that if I'm the bread winner and was going to carry the kid and go through labor that I should at least have say in the naming process. Besides, he’d have his stripper friends named Crystal, having a baby named such too would be overkill. He kinda broke down about it and he said we’d discuss such things when the time actually came.

Chris was, once again, suddenly turned on. We got back on the subject of what we would do if we met and how I'd be coming down to [[Ruckersville]] when I graduated. He was getting fairly frisky and wanted to get all intimate. Chris wanted to know how I’d go down on him. He told me that if he ate something before the deed how I too would taste it. I remember asking him about [[Country Cookin]]’ around this point to move the topic along. Since he goes there a lot, after all. Chris said eats spinach and dessert first, then eat chicken. From Chicken we returned to… I indulged him. I asked him what would he eat beforehand? He said he'd eat these things immediately, and they’d be strawberries.

I asked him if it’d taste like "strawberry milk”? "No, just strawberries". The subject of [[recycling]] his [[semen]] was visisted. I asked him to enjoy some strawberries on video and then try to see if his afterbirth tasted like strawberries, too. He said he didn't have strawberries in his house because they’d just spoil in the Chandler’s fridge. I asked him if he had chocolate and he said "yeah, some chocolate syrup for chocolate milk!”. So, I told him to try that instead. Though, he said he'd “do it all together on camera”...

I'd try to keep the calls short because otherwise he'd talk for two hours. 15 minutes was always the ideal length for me. I called him back when he said the video would be done. Chris said he didn't have any chocolate syrup so he opted instead for orange [[Fanta]]. Chris downed it.

On [[April 2009|the 16th]], after Chris had shown me the video privately, Clyde hacked Chris's website and leaked [[April 16 Fetish Vids|multiple videos]]. The spanking video, and Chris dancing about in the shower with an imaginary me. When I saw that video I asked him about it. He said it was for Vanessa. Chris was ready to take on [[nude]] roles. As mentioned, I asked for the spanking video but I didn't ask for it to be in nude. Now I knew why it had been. I purposely did not want any nudes of Chris.

Chris thought Clyde "interrupted the stream" as opposed to hacking his website with his password or something like that. So, he never changed a thing with godaddy.

The next day, Chris spoke with Vanessa again and reported to me about how he was behaving even though she was up on her ways. He never thought twice about telling me about how much Vanessa wanted him. I cried about how I felt he was still cheating on me and he made [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|the video kissing the blow up doll]]. Unsatisfied, I wanted a video where he swore on the bible that he wouldn't cheat on me again but instead [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|he simply quoted verses]]. Though I appreciated the effort, it still wasn’t enough. I asked him if he remembered all the old videos he rid of? Like [[CWC is Angry|that one video]] where shot [[Adam Stackhouse]]? He did. I asked if he would upload it since it made him look like a badass and might scare off Clyde. He said it’d be like he was defending me! Indeed, two birds – one stone.

I later re-discovered how much I had enjoyed [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Christian and the Hedgehog boys]] when it first hit the e-waves. I asked Chris to make an album [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|another album]]. Chris wanted to include his girlfriend- and the crabs. I gave him song ideas and he went to town with them. Some of them were long, though, and he kinda got bored. That’s why the songs in toward the end were not as creative as the first few. Like "[[Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)|Paradise by the Seashore Light]]”.

When the album was released and I shared it with all my friends. Just like everything else, Clyde got ahold of it. I remember asking why Layla was included on the cover. Chris said she wanted to join and was the stage manager. She was peaking out from behind the curtains- not being a dismembered floating head.
===Stalking===
Even after all the tears, Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the [[Wikipedia:James Madison University|JMU]] campus with a [[sign]] and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for [[money]] and would do this by going through Vanessa.

Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the [[Wikipedia:Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] and threatened to hack into Chris’ [[ps3]]. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to [[Wikipedia:T.G.I. Friday's|TGI Fridays]]. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this. 
Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his [[fangs]] at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde…

At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris' dime, obviously.

Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.

I discovered that Chris was driving all over the place looking for Vanessa, and at JMU in particular, I began to doubt Chris' loyalty. Chris recommended a simple video reiterating his promises to me, but I insisted that, this time, such was not good enough. I suggested a full-blown marriage ‘what if?’ comic/video and he proposed. My Daddy, whom always reminded me of Coach McGuirk, made his first appearance in the comic.

Chris really loved the Coach McGuirk idea. He spoke with my father on the phone and wowed him with stories about him being in the cub scouts. Daddy, meanwhile, quizzed Chris. What was his home life like? What was his game plan for the future? Chris, proudly, informed Daddy that his job was “writing Sonichu updates”. Daddy asked: “what the fag is that, son?”. Chris changed the topic…
===Comics===
All of my friends made an appearance in the [[wedding comic]]. I also suggested the [[Wikipedia:November Rain|November Rain]] wedding dress as, since I was already at the big top, I might as well dress for the occasion, too. Chris decided that he would have to wear his clown shirt in the comic- not because of the ceremony’s theme, but because no one would recognize him if he was wearing a normal suit alone. No, the medallion was not enough.

It was in this comic that he finally put to use stickers originally intended for Layla's feminist queef. They were made the petals for flower girl, [[Ching Chong]], to scatter. [[Wikipedia:Celine Dion|Celion Dion]] was chosen as the background music because… well, [[Wikipedia: Meat Loaf|Meatloaf]] had a hangover and I don’t think Chris would have been comfortable with [[Homos|Elton John]], even if the man had previously played at Crass and Champ’s ceremony (therefore insuring us a recommendation discount!).

Clyde showed up again, dropping more Vanessa info and videos. It was after that that Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the Charlottesville area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.

The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic.

I asked why he had included six [[Wikipedia:Glade (brand)|glade]] plug-ins with our suite. Chris claimed that a single one wasn’t strong enough for [[Chris's room|his small bedroom]] so a suite would require much, much more. Things were about to get dirt-ay, after all! Plus, there was that whole thing with Chris defecating whenever he experienced a sincere, triggering, emotion…

While drawing [[Giant Penis Comic|the honeymoon comic]], Chris wanted to draw [[Duck|his penis]] life sized. I called him to find out what was holding things up and Chris revealed that he had taken a break to cuddle with [[Barbara|Mommy]]. After considering the situation, Chris decided to hand off the phone to Barb. Barb was, surprisingly, very friendly. She had been such during my initial quizzing, but now her guard was completely brought down. Chris was, however, impatient because Barb had interrupted him while he was drawing [[Duck|his dick]]. His dick was bent in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] because I didn't want him whitewashing history and pretending his dick had no curve to it. As previously implied, the theme of our relationship had always been one of acceptance (and feces).

Chris claimed the speed lines across our bodies were due to the “camera zooming in on the goodies”. After [[Barb]] finally left the room, Chris settled on just tracing his dick. The tracing was his idea to simplify the process of drawing his dick accurately (and so he wouldn’t have to look at it for too long). He attempted to trace his “small sack” with it’s “lots of [[Comeuppance|cum]]” but eventually gave up and winged it.

Chris asked if my comic self had any powers so I made up a sort of fursona analogue to [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. One surprise in the comic was the re-appearance of my father, giving permission for Chris to deflower me. I appreciated Chris asking Daddy… before asking me. Chris gave his "scout's honor" to take care of me.

After that dastardly Clyde intercepted the honeymoon comic it went public. In addition, all these debauched accounts of sex and freewheeling fecal matter reached poor, innocent [[Ching Chong]]'s ears. She had become confused and terrified of my poor, insane, boyfriend. I suggested that Chris make a video explaining his behavior and why it’s natural. Honestly, I primarily requested an explanation of the leaked spanking video, but Chris offered a bonus discussion about his poopoo problemos and [[navy]] consumption. This video, in particular, became very notorious across the [[internet]] (and airewaves) on such sites as hiphop superstars and more.

To cover his ass to Rocky, he made a follow-up video disavowing responsibility, and blaming me for mention (and revelation) of his worse moments to the world.

During all of these events, Chris began to have [[Biological clock|sleeping problems]]. He complained that [[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain|he couldn’t turn off his brain when falling asleep, and that he couldn’t wake his brain when getting up in the morning.]]

I decided to stick to Chris’ canon of me. I suggested he share these problems with the world! Since he was slipping on his comic schedule, anyways, I added he make more videos and other content to put out. [[Quizzes]], quizzes, and more quizzes was Chris’ response. Although, during this time he made a [[wikipedia]] page, too.

At one point, Chris told me that he detested the word "sammies" (diminutive for [[Wikipedia:Sandwich|sandwich]]). He hated the word because when he took up fucking his bed pillow, he always folds it around his [[Duck|dick]] like a sandwich. The word "sammy" reminded him of this practice and it embarrassed him. [[Comeuppance|Mayo]] was not mentioned at any point…

Discussion of the [[Autism papers]] was brought up during our relationship, too. It is no secret that Chris likes to use his handicap as a crutch. I would often tell Chris that he wasn’t handicapped. but instead that he was handicapable. He had [[Son-Chu|a car]], right? And [[Charlottesville]] was his playpen to embrace and explore forever more. However, Chris insisted that his Autism was a burden. I requested to learn more about his diagnosis. If we were to have children, would our offspring be at risk for the disease? Chris did not like this term. Though, he was willing to look into the matter— of the sake of little Roberta Latrine (formerly Crystal Weston). It was quickly discovered that the papers were locked up in a hutch with the key’s constantly on Bob’s person. The subject was not touched upon again.

Eventually, he had one more chat with [[Officer Keino]]. It was revealed during this time that Chris had gone to the police because of Josh - and with Rocky. As previously stated, Chris kept mentioning going to the police, but I didn't think he’d actually do so as that would entail explaining things to his parents. Also, Bob and Barb have always been extremely afraid of the authorities. For years, Bob has burnt all troll mail they receive in a barrel in the backyard (troll gifts, however, were consumed by the family or put to use).
===The end===
Bob hid the vast majority of [[troll]] material from Barb.

The breaking point for Bob and Barb had been Josh. He had sold Chris a [[PSP]] with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.

While [[Josh]] was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him [[Wikipedia:Non-sufficient funds|a bad check]]. Bob and Barb end up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agree ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms".

Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering [[Jerkops|the police]]’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a [[PSP]], I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone.

During this call, Bob told me that he and Barb were planning on going up with Chris to visit me at Boston University! Initially, Chris intended to visit alone but was concerned about visiting as my University's website featured [[niggos|an ethnically diverse student body]]. Bob and Barb decided to join and had begun saving up for the entire family's vacation.

The trip was called off because Barb discovered Chris was stealing from her purse. He had been sneaking small changed for awhile (in addition to using their credit cards on [[PSN]]), but recently it had become larger and larger amounts. I had known about the cards on PSN but Chris had told me such things “was in the past”. He did, however, stress that his parents were unaware of his five-finger-discounts. Chris’ pocket-book thievery was revealed at the police station to everyone.

Sadly, the events during this time period really got to Barb and Bob mentioned that she threatened to kill herself.

Bob continued the conversation and informed me that he would handle Josh. Bob didn’t trust the police to help because Chris was also a guilty party, and had [[Chris and the Law|previous run-ins (six to seven incidents, he stated)]]. So, Bob intended to save the matter for small claims court. As for the trolls, Bob was convinced that [[Megan]] (“that CRUEL, GERMAN, girl” he dubbed her) was behind the evil doings. He revealed that the Chandlers had started getting harassed back in [[1999]] by a man named Jamie Dunn (who also tried to land Bob in the slammer). Furthermore, Bob stated that there were people in the world penning thesis’ about Chris for their degrees.

Bob no longer trusted Rocky. Bob said he'd tell Chris to stop calling me and at the same time, he requested that he use my father's clout to help catch Josh.

Although Bob was rather pushy he did back off soon after- with a heavy heart, and respectfully so. He made one final plea that I re-consider. Chris and his family required “all the help they could get”. Bob said I could trust him, that he was “as clean as they get”. Unlike Rocky, Bob never thought I was a troll. Bob and Barb had always polite to me, kind even. It was a tragedy that things had to end the way things did- that Chris still had no concept of the word “no”.

Bob asked if I wanted to speak with Chris. Bob wanted us to keep talking. At the very least, if I decided to stick to my guns, he asked if I’d say goodbye to his son. I had to decline- to go back now and hear his voice again would have been too painful…

And than [[CWC "Boyfriend"|I killed myself]].

[[Category:Ivy Saga]]

List of things Chris has shoved up his ass

2011-01-14T20:36:22Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Category:Lists

{{Honest}}

{{quote|As for what turned me onto the idea was watching women doing it for themselves in some of the porn I watched. I tried it myself with just my fingers, and it felt alright to me, especially recently.|[[Jackie E-mails 6|Chris explaining the origins of his anal fixation]]}}

'''[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has shoved many things up his ass''' for [[Sex|sexual pleasure]] (and in [[Julie Reveals Herself|one instance]], because he was being "blackmailed"). Many adults, even STRAIGHT adults, have done this, and it isn't necessarily a weird thing, but in Chris's case it's particularly funny because he happens to be an insanely [[Homos|homophobic]] [[Virgin with Rage]]. For a long time Chris repeatedly denied ever committing such heinous, homoerotic acts, but eventually all it took was a few trusted [[Trolls|gal-pals]] for him to confidentially reveal the True and Honest graphic details of his anal experiences.

This list only covers what Chris has admitted shoving up his ass. Given that he was hesitant to admit this much, out of fear that he will be misinterpreted as a homo, we can only imagine [[Pickles|what items]] he has experimented with that he's too ashamed to confess.

==Things Chris has shoved up his ass==
*[[Dildo]] (with a condom on, later destroyed in an attempt to prove his straightness)<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref>
*[[Anal beads]] (ended up "covered in poo" and thrown away because Chris didn't understand how they work)<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>
*[[Medallions#Mark_2|Sonichu Medallion]] (broken into pieces first, done under [[stress|duress]] because a 13 year-old told him to)<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref>
*[[Chris and Health#Hygiene|His fingers]] (unlike with the other things he shoved up there, Chris actually admitted that this "felt alright", and it appears to now be his preferred method of anal stimulation)<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

==Things Chris is willing to shove up his ass for his true love==
*A fake dick ("I would take that in for her.")<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 7]]</ref>
*Strap-on dildo (as long as it's NOT dick-shaped because that would be gay)<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

==What does the future hold for Christian's anus?==
Will shoving so many things up his ass cause some kind of damage to his sphincter or have any kind of negative effect on the functionality of his asshole? [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Only time will tell...]]

{{stub}}

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

David Alan Chandler

2011-01-06T21:26:15Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Fix anchor

#REDIRECT [[Minor Family Members#David Chandler]]

Chris and anger

2010-12-28T10:51:45Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* See also */ A quick link to see this in action

<center>{{#ev:youtube|_aolN7WNKno}}</center>

[[Chris]] has '''anger''' management issues. These usually surface when he is under [[stress]]. Trolls refers to Chris's fits of rage as "tard rage", an expression normally used to describe the seemingly super-human strength a normally mild tempered [[slow-in-the-minds]] displays when he or she is pushed to far and goes on an anger-fueled rampage. Although in Chris's case "super-human" and "strength" can easily be replaced with "impotent" and "bawling".

== Causes of Chris's anger ==
[[Image:Rawr_fag.jpg|thumb|A typical fit of 'tard rage.]]
Chris's issues with anger may stem from being tormented in his early childhood by his [[abusive babysitter]], whom he was frequently left under the care of while [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] would go out clubbin' and takin' shots. She allegedly traumatized Chris by locking him alone up in a room full of toys when he was a year-old. [[Chris's room|How ironic.]]

Another person who may be behind Chris's anger issues could be his father, Bob. Being Bob's son, Chris would likely be afraid to retaliate to the things Bob does that annoy him, such as very rarely washing his hands, making Chris remove videos from "the damn Internet", and occasionally [[Bob walks in|cutting down the Internet]]. Chris then takes out his anger on innocent, well-meaning [[trolls]], such as [[Clyde Cash]].

Another cause of Chris's anger is the fact that as of the time of writing, as well as long after, Chris is still a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]]. Being a virgin seems to make Chris feel like he is entitled to being allowed frequent moments of rage and seeing as he only manages to [[masturbation|jack off]] twice a week due to his bent [[duck]], he has large amounts of [[semen|testosterone]] stored up in his body he just has to [[Recycling|get out]]. Sexual frustration can make even the best of us a bit cranky, though never to this extreme.

Furthermore, Chris is autistic and therefore cannot understand the social restraints of anger. When he gets angry, he sees no reason why he should not go positively nuts. This and the amount of bottled-up stress that autism produces usually means that autistic '''children''' are very short-tempered. Chris, however, is not an autistic child - he is an autistic adult, and to be honest most other autistics have learned how to cope with stress in ways other than tantrums by the time they are Chris's age. Chris has not. Somewhat ironically, Chris's autism seems to cause him a large amount of anger, since the rest of the world will not acknowledge the "brilliance" of ''Sonichu'' - which is apparently directly brought about from Chris's autism.

But the one thing that causes Chris's anger, more than anything, is the lack of control he has over everything. His own [[ego]] refuses to allow Chris to think of anything but himself, and when things spiral out of control, he gets frustrated. When [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob demanded that Chris take down the videos of their house]], Chris could only flail and tell him that he didn't know what to do, only to tell his "fans" to take it down for him. When [[Liquid Chris|someone pretends to be him]] and be more popular than him, he rages because he feels that its his popularity, not the faker's. When people [[Asperchu|poke fun at him]] or [[Mailbag 39|constantly question one's gender]], he goes into a hissy fit.

Chris's anger issues date back to before even the formal beginning of his [[Love Quest]]. In [[2000]], he was prescribed the antidepressant [[Wikipedia:Paroxetine|Paxil]] to help manage his frustration and anger, and he continued to take the drug for several years. Whatever effect his medication had, it clearly wasn't enough...

== Examples of Chris's anger ==
The way Chris expresses his anger can be considered [[autism|confusing]], to say the least. In one of his early fits of rage he began to shout "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]" at several [[jerkops]] who were trying to kick him out of a local [[Wal-Mart]]. Most normal people do not shout [[Megan|anime]] references at people who are making them angry. Chris, however, expresses anger like a retarded Internet tough guy would do, taking out his anger on a video camera seeing as he knows it obviously can't and won't fight back. This can be seen in one of his videos on Clyde Cash where he seems to be "Hulking up". He also used to beat people up in ''[[Soul Calibur]]''. On the other hand, even as he is seemingly scared from expressing his anger IRL, he seems to have outbursts when sufficiently pushed as well. Chris was at one point forced to take anger management classes sometime after his final confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. What happened during this epic struggle is only known in Chris's own words.

{{quote|"Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an anger management course and see a psychiatrist for a while. I was allowed back in."|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]}}

A great example of Chris's anger can be seen in one of Chris's most infamous videos, his "[[YouTube Finale]]". In this video Chris repeatedly threatens poor Clyde, claiming he will indeed [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|strangle him]] some day, even going as far as telling Clyde he will even commit this heinous and reprehensible act in a police station, showing Chris has no control over his angry feelings. The fact Clyde was only trolling Chris in an attempt to lash out at him for his role in the death of his late brother [[Ryan Cash]] shows even further how much Chris may still require a couple of anger management classes.

On several occasions, Chris has also shouted and screamed in videos, and concluded his argument with some sort of a heinous threat — and promptly followed this up with his trademark conclusion of saying "peace" and showing the peace sign, or with "Have a nice day," or something similar. Chris is apparently completely oblivious to the conflict between these extremes.

{{quote|I will be continuing my comics at the moment. But any FURTHER incident and not only will I STOP the comic, but I WILL go to the police. ALL RIGHT? Back the fuck off. Have a good day.|[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|Chris will strangle that Clyde Cash.]]}}

Occasionally when enraged, his tendency to type important words in ALL CAPS becomes more prominent. Compare these two e-mails from the [[Miyamoto Saga]] — the first sounds fairly calm, though he does let loose one all caps phrase. The second sounds more angry and possibly a bit desperate.

{{quote|Also, Please inform [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Mr. Miyamoto]], but I have just awoken Inspired [[Sonichu]]-Wise; I have figured out the Opening Title Movie for [[Sonichu's Adventure]], the Prequel Comic for the possible ''[[Pokémon]] Lightning'' Version, and the monitary-type collectibles in Sonichu's Adventure; NOT RINGS, but C-Quarters (the main money) and W-Quarters (equals 10 C-Quarters).|Chris explaining shit nobody cares about.}}

{{quote|Listen People of Nintendo, DURING MY LIFETIME, my family and I have invested THOUSANDS of American Dollars and Cents in [[Nintendo]] Video Games and Systems from NES and Game Boy to Gamecube/Wii and DS/GBA. I have also attached My List of Video Games I have in my collection; 90 PERCENT of Which were ALL BOUGHT BRAND NEW while available in the stores during its MINT Availability. SURLY you can spot back about just under $800 for our Trip To Seattle in advance.|Chris on his knees begging for money so he can fly to [[Redmond]], citing his extensive collection of Nintendo games as reason why Miyamoto should fork over $700.}}

Other examples of Chris's anger show him taking out his 'tard rage on his [[Clown Doll]]. In the [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]] video a picture of Clyde Cash was taped to the doll and Chris beat it like a spoiled three-year-old who didn't get his way. He also attempted to rip off its head at one point, only to have it slide out through his greasy palms. Chris would attempt to bite the doll's head off again in the [[Sign Destruction Video]], but fans of the doll will be relieved to know that Chris is far too weak to break anything of value. In his video [[Chris Loses It]], Chris proves us that he's able to shred in half a small cardboard box but unable to go through light press-wood. The video also shows his poor acting skills only equal his overall stamina, since he's out of breath before the end of the first minute of the video.

{{quote|RRRAAAARRGGHH!!|Most of the monologue in the [[Chris Loses It]] video.}}

Another recent example has shown that Chris can and will blow up at people even on the telephone. In his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey's father]], Chris quickly became rude to Matthew, especially when the man came down on Chris for his health and his attitude. Even worse, when Chris [[Kacey and Liquid Call|talked to Kacey and Liquid]], he came up in arms over Liquid's continued referral of "Ian Brandon Anderson" and was completely oblivious over the fact that Kacey was getting upset over the entire thing. Even worse, Chris attempted to hang up on both Matthew AND Kacey, only succeeding with Kacey because he got [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]] and dad in on the conversation. Both instances show that Chris loses his stammering and actually starts speaking normally when enraged.

Around the time when Chris opened the Mailbag to his [[Trolls|adoring fans]], another factor that causes Chris some notable grief was discovered: the mention of any similarity between high-functioning autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]]. Chris has shown himself to be quite adamant that HFA and Asperger's are entirely unrelated, despite documentation by researchers suggesting quite the opposite. Whilst the anger related to this is of a far lesser magnitude in comparison to, for example, the Liquid Chris saga, it's still clear he's easily irritated by the mere mention of the matter:

{{quote|IF ANYTHING, the Asperger people ARE and HAVE BEEN NORMAL. They think they can one-up, or even match, autism with the Lack of Social Capability and their Clumsiness and such. THOSE Characteristics can be FAKED by them who are MOST NORMAL compared to us TRUE AUTISTIC PEOPLE.|Chris in his [[CWCipedia]] article on Asperger's syndrome.}}

It's surprising at first how irritated Chris is by this matter. However, the CWCipedia article makes it clear that Chris is angry at Asperger's sufferers for "stealing" the limelight from autistic folks such as himself. He seems to be of the opinion that those diagnosed with the condition are faking it to get attention, [[Chris and his ego|attention that he feels he deserves as an autistic person]].

==See also==
*[[Virgin with rage]]
*[[Death threats]]
*[[:Category:Videos with RAGE|Videos with Rage]]

{{Chris and}}

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image: Tardrage.png]] </div>

Regina e-mails

2010-12-27T06:07:52Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* First contact */ Good links

'''Regina Novakova''' was a [[Molvania|Czech]] student studying abroad at UVA. She had her father's help to purchase [[Chris]]'s ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s [[online]] over [[eBay]] and the two soon began communication regarding the transaction.

Unfortunately for Regina, Chris took this opportunity to start his [[Rape|perverted advances]] over someone who never expressed an interest in him to begin with. The tone eventually shifted and Chris became his usual lazy self and then discontinued all contact, probably so he could sit around on his fat ass and be [[retarded]], his favorite leisure time activity, apart from [[Mass Debating|mass debating]].

These e-mails were obtained by hacking into Regina's email account. As of this date, her whereabouts are unknown but it is assumed that she is busy studying and being productive, unlike Chris. We wish her the best and hope that Chris never crosses her path again.

Note that these emails take place in late September/early October 2009, right around the time [[Barbara|Snorlax]] was [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_9th,_2009|battling AIDS]].

==Correspondence==
====First contact====
{{EmailReply|My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I was just in touch with your father, [[Wikipedia:Rorschach (comics)|Walter Kovacs]], and he has informed me that I will be exchanging the business of him buying the two Guitars from me on eBay with you. The total amount due is 110.99, cash only if picking up in person, please. He was unsure of your phone number, if you have one, but if you have one, you may call me back at 434-760-0848 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 434-760-0848 end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 434-760-0848 end_of_the_skype_highlighting.

What is your name, if I may ask? And he says you are going to a university here in Virginia; are you going to [[University of Virginia|UVA]] in [[Charlottesville]]?

I await your call or reply.

Have a nice day.
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

====Addendum to first contact====
{{EmailReply|Upon personal pick-up, the total without shipping is 91.99}}
====Regina appears====
{{Email|Hey!!!!

You caught me at the perfect time!! I was just checking my emails before going out!

Yeah, he doesn't know my phone number cause I don't have one yet :( I just moved here from the Czech republic as a foreign student and I haven't got a cell phone yet. We've been communicating by Skype. It's a nightmare!!!! I want to get a contract but I have to get all this extra visa stuff sorted out!

I am totally going to UVA! BA in philosophy! It looks hard but I am up to the challenge.

My name is Regina by the way. I see from your email that your name is Christian! That's totally cool cause my brother's name is Christian. But in Czech we spell it Kristian.

So I'll get my dad to wire me the money. I am pretty busy sorting out official stuff and meeting new people. Is it possible we can set up a meet in a week or so? Is that too late? I really hope not! Thanks by the way!!!!

If I can get this cell nightmare worked out I will send you the number ASAP!!

Have a great day!!!!!
Regina}}
====Chris the philosopher====
[[Image:ECP_00015.jpg|thumb|Chris attached this image. It may as well have served as a warning.]]
{{EmailReply|It is nice to make your acquaintance, Regina. A meeting in a week is good. It is so cool you are going to UVA, because it is only about half to a full hour from my house in [[Ruckersville]], North of UVA up 29.

I have talked on Skype before, it can be a pain sometimes with [[Autism|miscommunications]] and the fees to call a phone number sometimes. At least it is one way to be in talking touch.

I went to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], where I got an Associates Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design in 2006. I would use the computer program to design 3D rendered models of mechanical parts and buildings. I even finished my final CADD class with a bang designing a Whole Shopping Mall, Two Stories and a Mayor's Office on the second floor looking over the front entrance. It is huge. :)

I sometimes have [[CWCFlyingElephants|philosophical thoughts]], although I'm not all that knowledgeable in philosophy, perhaps you can inform me about it, even as your own review for your tests/exams.

I look forward to talking with you more and meeting you. Please tell me more about yourself in your next message, and I will tell you more as well. Also, I've attached a current photo of myself to this e-mail.

TTYL. :)
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====About Regina====
{{Email|About me? Well, I like running, video games and music. But I really don't have much time for them. I spent a lot of time working in my father's company in the past. He used to get me to help him with English. He is learning but he still isn't very good yet, as you might have noticed. But now I have come to America to study! I'm from Liberec in the Czech Republic, but me and my family moved to Prague when my father started his company. Have you ever been to Prague? It's amazing!

I know a lot about philosophy! I love it!!! I have studied it forever. I can't wait to learn more by going to university!

I never heard of CADD before, I had to look it up lol. Do you work as a designer or something?

Till later.
Na shledanou (That's Czech)
Regina.}}
====Still selling?====
{{Email|Hey did you get my last email?

Haven't heard from you in a bit. Are you still going to sell me your guitar hero controllers? I was thinking of collecting them Monday the 5th, cause I have lots of free time then.

Let me know.

Yours,
Regina.}}
====Tiny hints of creepyness====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying to you; I hadn't checked my e-mail over the weekend. The last e-mail I got from you was the one I last replied to. Did you get the picture I sent you? You may need to resend the last e-mail you said you sent.

Anyway, yes I still plan to sell you the guitars; Monday the 5th is good. We can meet up at the Barracks Road [[McDonalds]] at about 2 or 3 PM, and after the business, you and I can [[Rape|hang out for a while]].

Tell me, do you live in one of the dormatries around the UVA, or do you have your own place? And I still would like to hear more about you.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Slightly larger hints of creepyness====
{{EmailReply|Wow. :)

You learned [[Chris and English|english]] before your father, and you help him learn it, that is cool. What does he manufacture or do in his company? And how about your mother, does she still live with him? I have not been to Prague, but I'll look it up, and you can tell me more about it from your Point of View.

I am an avid designer, yes, yet [[Monthly tugboat|it's kinda hard to get such a job]] around Charlottesville at the time. I am also an [[Chris and art|artist]]; I will be delighted to share with you my original drawings and other artworks.

Gmail is okay; I was [[Jack Thaddeus E-Mails|in contact before]] with [[Jack Thaddeus|someone]] who had one; one or two pieces of e-mail get misplaced a bit, but we sorted out the miscommunications.

As for the McDonalds I was referring to, there is only one Barnes & Nobel Bookstore in Charlottesville; find it, and that McDonalds is nearby.

I'm currently living with my [[Barbara|mother]] and [[Bob|father]], but I too am looking forward to getting a place of my own, or sharin' a pad with my girlfriend (if I had one; I'm [[Virgin with rage|single]]). If things work out for you, I would be happy to be your roommate and help out.

A bit more info about myself, I'm 5'10", about [[Obesity|average body type]], my left eye is blue/right eye is green ([[Honest content|I had pink eye in my right during High School]], and my perscribed eyedrops changed its pigment), my hair is brown, my favorite color is blue/favorite shade is Crayola's "Battery-Charged Blue", I enjoyed reading [[R.L. Stine|R.L. Stein's]] "Goosebumps" and "Fear Street" books during my teenage years, my favorite movie of all time is "[[Mary Poppins]]", and my favorite food is Macaroni & Cheese.

I gtg, but I look forward to your next message and replying to it. :)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Chris.}}

====More about Regina====
{{Email|Yeah, my dad grew up under the Communist system. So he had to learn Russian because they didn't teach English back then. He does really well though. His company makes clay and ceramic tiles by the way. Among other things.

Prague is one of the greatest cities in the world! We call it the Paris of the East. I attached a picture I took from my graduation trip. For a party we took a boat trip on the Vltava and I took this picture of the castle. It was such an awesome day. There are so many things to see and do. It is quite possibly the best place in Europe. But it feels good to get away for a while.

That's too bad about the jobs. I guess this financial crisis makes it hard to find work. It must be hard to make ends meet. I guess not a lot of people are building things so it must be hard to work as a designer. Do you do like freelance stuff? Cause I guess that would be REALLY hard to find work.

I guess I can look that McDonalds up on google maps or something. I'll find it. I just don't know cause I never eat there. Barnes and Noble is a book store right?

You're looking for a place too? I'm trying to find a 2 bedroom apartment around UVA for around 800$. I'm not sure how realistic that is yet. Most of the people I know are staying with family to keep things cheap. I'm kinda lucky cause my dad can help out and I saved up a lot. I'm trying to convince some of my friends so if they turn me down, I'll let you know. Are you a tidy guy? Do you smoke? Do you like parties? I like to have the occasional party.

I guess I can tell you a bit more about me. I'm blond with brown eyes. I'm pretty short. Only 161 centimetres. I'm sorry cause I'm really not used to these American measurements yet so I don't know what that is in inches...

I have to admit, I have never heard of any of those books. I read a lot of Kafka. I didn't like him at first but I gradually grew to like him. He's Czech so we had to read a lot of his books in school. I've never heard of Mary Poppins. I don't really watch American movies. I like them but most of the films I watch are European. I've heard many things about macaroni and cheese. But I'm kind of hesitant to try it. American cheese scares me. I have a CRAZY love for PEANUT BUTTER though.

What's pinkeye?

Na shledanou!
Regina.}}
====Chris rambles about himself====
{{EmailReply|To answer your questions, I consider myself a [[Chris and health|tidy person]], I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]], and I like parties ([[Alcohol|I'm a social drinker]]). Yet I'm willing to stay dry to be a desiginated driver.

I do a bit of freelance artwork, I was hoping to save this until when we met in person, but I am the [[Chris and copyright|original creator]] of the Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokemon|Pok'emon]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and their city of [[Cwcville]], VA. I have been internet famous for a few years, so I have [[Trolls|fans]] and [[Clyde Cash|internet bullies]]. The main Official Websites for Sonichu and Rosechu are
[[CWCipedia]], Cwcipedia/CWC's Sonichu Site, and my Current [[YouTube]] account, "ChristianWChandler". Other similar websites that may be similar or calim to be "Official" are NOT. I am planning on getting paper-published soon, and there is no Official Merchandise available yet. I have all the original page drawings and my other original artworks here at my house.

And the Pinkeye, as stated on the "Pinkeye" article on Wikipedia, "Conjunctivitis (commonly called "pink eye" or "Madras eye") is an inflammation of the conjunctiva (the outermost layer of the eye and the inner surface of the eyelids), most commonly due to an allergic reaction or an infection (usually viral, but sometimes bacterial)."

Getting back to your last e-mail, clay and ceramic tiles, that is cool. I have a cousin who used to sell ceramic pieces and statues, but he gave that up to become the Sheriff of his hometown. My father is a retired Engineer from General Electric (GE); he also was the Designer of the controls of the Plastic-Molding Machines, so without him, you would not have the plastic on your PC's keyboard, or the plastic on the 2-Liter soda bottles.

I enjoyed the picture of the Vitava castle you sent me, thank you. :) I'm happy you were able to enjoy it.

<nowiki>Also, I just checked the math; at the rate of 2.5 cm = 1 inch, and 12 inches = 1 foot, 161 cm = 64.4 inches, whichs makes you about 5 feet, 4.4 inches. You're only just under 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than me.</nowiki>

Oh, and Barnes and Nobel IS a bookstore. Let me give you a directional piece, if you know where the interception of Ivy and Emmet is; down the road by UVA's "The Corner", passing by the road leading to the Alderman Library, ending by the Soccer Field and Tennis Courts. You go North on Emmet, and continue down until you see a Taco Bell on the left side, the McDonalds, Barnes & Nobel and the Barracks Road Shopping Center those are in are just beyond the Taco Bell. You also pass the John Paul Jones Arena on the way.

I may be able to help you on your apartment search. there is a website, http://www.craigslist.com, you go there, look up Virginia, then Charlottesville, then Apartments, they have listings from people who want to rent or sell apartments and other things.

You can look up Goosebumps and Fear Street at the libraries around town, under the "Young Adults" section, if you're looking for something new to read. I have read Franz Kafka a bit in High School; we read
"Metamorphasis". I enjoyed the comparisons between the busy salesman life he had, and what it would feel like to be a bug; so miniscule in life, with a lot of people stepping on you here and there.

Mostly, Macaroni and Cheese is made with Chedder, or sometimes it can be made with Swiss. And I enjoy the occasional peanut butter sandwich, it is a [[Chris_and_health#Nutrition|healthy choice]]. :)

Do you have a headshot photo of yourself you can share with me, please? I shared my headshot with you, and I would feel better if I can get a preview of your face. Also, I am 27 years old, how about you? And are you a bit of a drinker too?

I'm only curious. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL, Chris.}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that====
{{Email|Ok, that's cool that you are tidy. If my friends don't pull through, I'll keep you in mind.

Ok, so I'm a bit confused. Pokemons are those Japanese card game things right? So you designed some characters for these cards or video games? That's pretty cool. Does sonichu or rosechu mean something in Japanese? This isn't my computer. It belongs to my aunt (she's the family member I'm living with) and she needs it for work a lot. So I will have to check out your portfolio site or whatever later.

Pinkeye sounds really gross.

Ok, thanks for the directions. I will see if I can get my friend to swing by with her car on Monday and we'll go pick them up. I don't think it will be a problem.

Thanks for the advice about Craigslist. I had already been checking it. I'm looking at a few possibilities.

Thanks for the book recommendations too, but I don't think I'll have time to check those out. I'll probably be too busy reading philosophy books for university. So you read Kafka? Only The Metamorphosis? My
favourite from him is The Trial. Have you read it?

I tried one of these easy to make macaroni and cheese boxes last night. It was pretty horrible. I had to first get over the fact that the cheese was a powder, then I tried to eat it. I really didn't like it. My aunt eats it though. I just can't seem to get used to American cheese. Especially powdered. You don't make it like in Europe.

A headshot? Like for actors? I don't have any professional photos like that, but I can attach a normal one. I guess it makes sense cause you will have to recognise me. Here's a picture of me and my brother. This is from the last time we went camping.

I'm 20 years old. Which means I can't drink here. I like to have social drinks. In the Czech republic you can drink at 18. So It's really annoying. So sometimes I just drink with my friends at home when we can find someone who is old enough to get us a bottle of wine.

Talk soon I hope.

Na shledanou,
Regina.}}
====Random access humor demonstration====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your picture. You are soo cute and pretty. :)

FYI, Pokemon started as a video game on Nintendo Game Boy, then it became an anime, followed by the Trading Card Game. Sonichu and Rosechu are not japanese names, although the inspiration for "Sonichu" came from Sonic the Hedgehog's japanese name, "Soniku".

I will look up and read "The Trial", thank you for recommending it to me.

They have Macaroni and Cheese premade in the frozen food aisle of the grocery stores, I personally recommend the Marie Calandar brand; it is good, and it's inexpensive.

Maybe after you and I meet, I can come by your place and bring a spot of wine or something for you. ;)

I talked to my father about you a bit, and my father went on with his stories of Czechoslovakia; he's been a bit around the world, and he studies his atlases and maps. He informed me about what had happened there during the WWII and such. Clearify it for me and him, is the country split up like Czech and Slovak Republics, or is it still combined to Czechoslovakia?

Also, my father had some friends back in the late 1970s who were from Czechoslovakia; they had left there for America illegally, so they could never go back. Anyway, my dad and mom enjoyed conversing with them, and they all would also share the Slivovitch (Plum Brandy) they would bring over. He really enjoyed it, it came in this perfume bottle-shaped bottle with plums on the label. Locally, the closest place to find the Slivovitch, as far as my dad knows, is just north in Maryland.

You would likely have an enjoyable conversation of Czechoslovakia, or the Czech Republic, with him. I'm not all that knowledgeable in geography personally, but I can learn.

Another little something else about me, I can be funny; sometimes I'll [[Random Access Humor|think of something silly, witty or random]] that makes me and my family smile and/or laugh about. Like for example, I used to go on about people with Hippopotami on their heads. :D Or this man from Nantucket who had on his head a bucket. :D Even a Lawer named Tom Sawer who had a daughter named Sue. :D And recently a silly song line of a cow named Moo, "Hey there, Moo, wha'cha gonna do? Are you gonna give me some milk today? Moo. Moo." :D

And sometimes, I like to take words, spell them backwards and say them like that. My name, "Christian Weston Chandler" would be "[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]". Or your name, "Regina Kovacs" would be "Scavok [[Niggos|Aniger]]". And sometimes, I take numbers and replace letters in words with them. 1 can be I, L or J. 2 can be Q, R, S, Z. 3 can be B, E, M, N or W. And so on for the other single digits; all it takes is a spot of imagination. I can spell my first name as CH2127143 from CHRISTIAN.

I'll stop for now, and I understand if you're feeling confused from the wordplay. But I can be quite creative and clever.

So our meeting is set then, Monday the 5th, 2:00 PM, at the Barracks Road McDonalds. We can get the guitar business done, then sit, talk and I'll be happy to treat you for lunch. I look forward to seeing you, and I feel this can be a good friendship. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Love and Peace,
Chris.

P.S.

BTW, "Na shledanou", is that Czech for "Love" or "Sincerely"?}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that bullshit====
{{Email|Hey thanks for the compliment! I think I am a little too thin though. It's not a very good pic though. I didn't bring my computer with me cause I need to buy a new one, so I saved most of my stuff on CDs before I came. That's the only one I could find of me. Somewhere around here I have pics from my graduation which are really cool but I don't know where.

So is this Soniku thing pretty profitable? I always wondered if people who design stuff for video games make a lot of money and if it is hard work or a lot of fun. Designing video games sounds like something that would be fun, but I have zero artistic talent and I don't think I could ever master all this digital design stuff. I just like playing them.

To be honest, I think I will steer clear of macaroni and cheese for the time being. American cheese in general isn't really appealing to me. It's all processed and everything. It doesn't seem like it would be all that good for you. But I don't really know. I'm just not a fan.

Wine is pretty good. I like white. Do you know any American brands that are really good wine? I have tried a couple from California but I want to get a good sampling. You don't need to buy me any, I think you could get in trouble or something right? My country is better known for beer, though I am not the biggest fan of it.

I don't understand if you said your dad has been to the Czech republic or he knows a lot about it. I can certainly clarify it for both of you! In 1989, communism ended in what we call the sametová revoluce, think in English it's called the soft revolution or the velvet revolution or something like that. Then, a couple of years later, there was a referendum and we decided to split up. On January 1st 1993, we became two countries again.

Your dad has tried slivovica! And he enjoyed it! That's great! We make many of these drinks from other fruit too. We call them pálenka. I like slivovica too. Have you tried it?

I am not so sure that I understand this humour. Why did the people have hippos on their heads? And does the cow belong to this lawyer? I think you will have to explain these a bit more to me. One thing I have a lot of trouble with is American jokes. Czech humour is very different. Don't worry though, I don't think you would understand many Czech jokes. I have tried telling some to my friends and no one ever laughs.

My name isn't actually Regina Kovacs, it's Regina Novakova. Walter isn't my real father. He married my mum when I was very small. My father died in an accident before I was born but I kept his name. Walter is the only dad I've ever known though. I guess that isn't as interesting if you spell it backwards.

I would be happy to have lunch with you. I don't really like McDonalds though. I find their food to be really bad. One of my friends and her boyfriend may be driving me though. Can she come too? That's not certain yet. I may borrow my aunt's car if she doesn't need it.

Actually "na shledanou" just means "goodbye". I guess that's kind of formal. If you want to be friendlier, you can just say "čau" or "pápá". Love in Czech is "láska" and "I love you" is "miluji tě". I guess if you are looking for an equal to a closing in a letter you would say something like "upřímně váš" but that's kind of formal too.

Ok, sorry, no more language lessons.

Čau! :)
Regina}}
====Chris rambles like a motherfucker====
{{EmailReply|I got your last e-mail on [[October 2009|October]] 1. :) BTW, that was my mother's birthday too; she's 68 now. I've been busy lately, and I apologize for not replying sooner. I would have replied yesterday, but [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2009|my mom came down ill]] (thought to be food poisioning at first but it's confirmed to be [[Barbara_Chandler#Recent_health_problems|colitis]]; a colon infection); had to be rushed to the Martha Jefferson Hospital. She is still recovering, and she is feeling better now.

Now, in response to your last e-mail, firstly, I think your figure looks great; I would not change it. ;) And more pics of you would be good, I look forward to seeing your Graduation Pics.

Sonichu can be profitable, but the plan is to get paper published with a comic book company like Archie or Marvel (or self-publish if they refuse me), then my comics can be mass-printed, sold, and merchandise and profits to follow.

I'm not all that a video game designer, but I have had experience with part and building desiging on the CADD programs, as well as in-video game designing, such as the level-creation-styles of [[LittleBigPlanet]]. And before then with in-game customizations with games such as Animal Crossing, Jet Grind Radio, F-Zero GX, and others. I'm also looking forward to the upcoming [[ModNation Racers|Modnation Racers]]. BTW, you said you play video games too, which console(s) do you own? If you have a PS3, we can be exchange PSN Online IDs and communicate through there too.

I've just started drinking last June; my first drink was a [[Chris's_Big_Night_Out|Long Island Iced Tea]]; Delicious. :)P I've enjoyed the tastes of a local wine I sampled from a local winery. I've also tasted Mike's Hard Lemonade, Budwiser, Miller, Micolobe, Samual Adams and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour. I have not yet tried the Slivovich

From the jokes I told you, most were word-play jokes; the hippo joke was just silly. :D No, the lawer did not own the cow; those two scenarios were seperate. "Lawyer" and "Sawyer" rhyme, and what does a lawyer do? "Sue" someone. I'll sing the cow lyric for you on Monday when we meet; it's funnier when heard anyway.

Your friends may come for lunch too. I can think of three other good places: CiCi's Pizza has good pizza, salads, soups and desserts; all you can eat. Tropical Smoothie Cafe has good flatbread sandwiches that come with your choice of chips or fruit, and their smoothies are tasty too. Baja Bean has some good mexican food. I'm also open for your suggestions, or what you feel like then.

I'm sorry to hear that about your original father, but at least you had Walt to be your emotionally supportive dad, and you still have your mother too. :) It's always good to count your blessings.

[[Chris and religion|Do you go to church]]? I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Wesley United Methodist Church]], south-bound on Emmet St. beyond the tennis courts, across from the UVA parking garage there. I was baptized there Mother's Day of 2008; my father and I are Methodists, and my mother is Presbertyrian.

Do you have siblings? I have two half-brothers and one half-sister. My mother had [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]; a movie reviewer in New York City, currently living with his girlfriend and her family. He also has a website, [http://www.colesmithey.com http://www.colsmithey.com]. My father had [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]]. Alan is an Optomologist in Chesterfield County; he is married and has a daughter; her name is Savannah. Carol has a PHD and Degree in Math, and last my father and I heard, she was working with the Government in DC; Top Secret Stuff. Seriously, I HAVE NO INKLING of where in DC she is or what's she been up to.

Does your mother work too, or is she a housewife? My mother held a number of Secretarial jobs; most recent was at First North American National Bank (Partnered with Circuit City) where she worked in Recovery. She's retired now; she used to be an adequate homemaker, but since she retired, she's been taking it easy a lot.

BTW, my father's name is Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., and my mother's is Barbara Anne Weston Chandler.

And I have a number of aunts, uncles and cousins I'll be happy to tell you about at a later time. Please feel free to tell me some about your family and y'alls history.

Also, I am 1/32 Cherokee, from my father's side; I am also part English, British and French (British and French from my mother's). My family tree includes the Boleyn family; Anne Boleyn, one of King Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to Queen Elizabeth I. Anne was related in an Aunt-Sense; my mom and I are more directly linked to her sister, Mary Boleyn. At least, as far as my mother found in her family's history. the next link she found was Richard Weston, First Earl of Portland. I'm still trying to find the link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn. Anyway, another one of my ancestors after Richard was the dude who bartered for the Mayflower for the English People to board and take that famous Pilgrimage.

I'll stop there for now.

Anyway, our meeting is settled then; this coming Monday at the Barracks Road McDonalds at 2:00 PM. We'll make the business exchange of the guitars for the $90.99, USD, then we'll hang out with a spot of lunch. :)

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe and Take Care,
Cau,
Chris.
(I do not know how to type in an acented letter from my keyboard or AOL e-mail)}}

====Regina drops some hints====
{{Email|Hey Christian. I am at a friends house right now. I am a little bit drunk because we have been drinking some wine her dad gave us. Please excuse any spelling errors. :)

That is pretty cool about your Soniku thing. I hope you get it published. I still havent seen [[CWCipedia|your website]]. I guess I should check it out if you are famous for it or something.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Is she ok? It sounds pretty serious. What happened exactly?

When I get home from my friends house I will send you some grad photos. I have what I think is the perfect dress.

Yeah I figured the joke you were talking about would be better in person. Do you have any more examples? Im trying to understand as much as possible. Oh, feel free to correct my English too, I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to languages.

Ok, so we can meet at McDonalds and then go somewhere else. I really dont want to eat there. The taco place you mentioned sounds pretty cool. I dont think my friend and her boyfriend will be coming.

As for video games, I have a PS3 and mostly just play guitar hero. Thats why we are buying the controllers from you. Cause me and my friend are really competitive. We want to compete against each other.

[[Megan_Schroeder#Megan_Saga|Ugh, there is this really fat ugly guy at this party who keeps touching me and annoying me by talking about some stupid drawings he does.]] Hes really an idiot. Luckily my friend keeps shooing him away.

I dont really go to church a lot. I went to a Catholic secondary school. But in the Czech republic, religion is not all that popular. Ive never really found all that much reason to go to church. I dont know what methodism is. Im kind of a Christian Existentialist anyway. I really like [[Wikipedia:Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]].

Anyway, my thumbs are getting tired from typing this on my friends iPhone so I think I will get back to partying. Ill send you the pictures tomorrow.

Ahoj!!! :)
Regina}}
====Nazi joke====
{{Email|Hey, sorry for last night. I was in no state to be sending emails. I was kind of just doing it to look busy so [[Christian Weston Chandler|that guy]] would stop bothering me. I didn't really answer all your questions!!!!

So, in addition to the stuff I mentioned last night:

I do have some siblings. There is my brother Kristián I mentioned before, and my little sister Kateřina. Kristian is 25 and just started his own company. Kateřina is 15 and still attending secondary
school. My mom does work. She has a dog grooming business. My ancestors haven't done anything special. At least not that I know of. Maybe they have but Novák is such a common name in the Czech republic
the relation would be insignificant. I would check my Dad's side but Kovač is even more common than Novák. I don't like to be judged on my [[Anne Boleyn|family]] [[Daniel Weston|history]] anyway and prefer people assess me for what I do.

I have a Czech joke for you:
 During the Nazi occupation, a Gestapo officer drags a Czech man into a prison and says "lock him up!"
 The clerk asks, "what did he do?"
 The Gestapo officer says "he shouted 'Jews out! Germans in their place!'"
 The clerk says "why did you arrest him for that? That's the new law!"
 The Gestapo officer says "he was in a Jewish cemetery!"

It's not the best joke but it's the only one that anyone has understood when I told it to them. Do you have any more jokes to consider before we meet?

So, at the Barracks road McDonalds at 2pm. Please expect that I will be a little late.

Hopefully I will hear from you by email before then. OK? :)

Get the guitars ready xixixi.

How is your mom doing?

Oh... and picture attched.

Čau čau!!!
Regina.}}
====The meeting arranged====
{{EmailReply|I've just downloaded and saw your pic; WOW! You're like Cinderella from the Disney movie; Beeeautiful! :)

I will have the two guitars and their USB receivers ready for you; please make sure you have the cash on hand to pay for them. $91 is acceptable; I will be happy to give you the penny in change. Also, I've just purchased PS3 Rock Band Country Track Pack for the code to download the Tracks to be playable in Rock Band 1 + 2. I was thinking about putting it on eBay for $19.99, but if you want it, I'll be happy to include it with the guitars, as a Free Bonus.

Do you get WiFi at your place, so we could communicate over the Playstation Network? If you don't, I recommend it. I get WiFi here at my house and as far as its yard streches property-wise, courtesy of Comcast Cable; I have a cable modem box with a WiFi Router equipped to it. It is a good deal, especially with Guitar Hero titles; I buy and download the additional Tracks from the Playstation Store (some of which are free).

Another great game I highly recommend for the PS3 is [[LittleBigPlanet]]; in addition to the Story Mode and customizing your Sackperson, you can collect the in-game parts and pieces and create your own levels. I have a few of my own uploaded onto the PSN. "LittleBigPlanet... It is a planet that is little; it is a planet that is big."

Anyway, by the taco place, do you mean the Taco Bell or the Baja Bean, just so I'm clear on that? It's okay if you come by yourself, and I understand if you're late; I'll wait for you. You'll know I'm there if you see a [[Son-Chu|dark blue station wagon-shaped Ford Escort]] with "Sonichu" on the License Plate, and an Autobot symbol on it's trunk door in the nearby parking spaces.

I would not judge you on your family history; it still makes a good conversation or research topic.

The hospital just released my mother this morning, and my father brought her home this afternoon. She is still recovering, and my father and I went out earlier to get her new perscriptions, but at least she doesn't have to make as many restroom runs now.

Your joke is good. I have a few other jokes, as well as a riddle or two. Or I may come up with something new at random. [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|I get some of my material from past comedy shows and movies]]. Three comedians I enjoy are Red Skelton, Lucille Ball and Jerry Sienfeld.

I look forward to meeting you and hanging out with you tomorrow. :)

Cau Cau, and Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Subtlety is wasted on Chris====
{{EmailReply|I'm glad you had a good time last night at your friend's house, and I'm sorry you had to deal with [[Chris|that fat guy]]. It's good to be blessed with friends to help you like that. :)

Oh, and Methodism, as well as Presbertianism, are both of Christian Religions; you may look them up on Wikipedia.

Cau,
Chris.}}
====eh [[Kick the Autistic|kicks autistics]] and doesn't afraid of anything====
{{Email|First off, I'm supposed to say HI FROM [[Gregg Mays|GREGG WITH THREE Gs]].

He said you had family business to attend to and couldn't make it. He was kind enough to drop off the guitars. Thank you for the discount by the way! 50% is huge! Gregg also took the liberty of cleaning off the stickers and paint. He said it looked kind of bad. But they look like new now! Thanks!

Hope nothing is too serious and you got it all sorted out.

Gregg is pretty cool guy.

ČAU!!!!
Regina :)}}
====Oh the guitars are good too====
{{Email|I got the computer for a couple minutes. Just wanted to say that we should hang out sometime soon since I didn't get to see you. I Skyped my dad and told him to leave some good feedback about the guitars.
They work great!!!!

See you soon I hope!!! :)

ČAU ČAU
Regina.}}
====Chris totally hates Gregg Mays====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying sooner.

Listen, this "Gregg" you met up with is an Enemy of mine; he is NOT to be trusted. He is an internet [[Troll]]/Bully. In fact, that is not his real name; he goes by "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash", but niether one of them are his real name. You bought the two guitars from a crook, a fiend. I felt shocked when you mentioned his name in your last e-mail; I was hoping to avoid having to talk about that son of a bitch.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

[[Chris and his ego|I had to be fated to become internet famous]]...

Anyway, I will still be happy to meet up with you and hang out. Perhaps we can hang out at the [[Fashion Square Mall]]. Let me know which day would be good for you.

Also, I would like you to get in touch with my [[gal-pal]] I've told you a bit about earlier; she will be introducing herself in an e-mail soon; her address is ''*redacted*''. That way, you'll get to know one of my friends as well. :)

BTW, I've relisted the two guitars on eBay; it was wierd to get the positive feedback after you've bought the guitars from Someone Else (who happens to be a crook).

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Outrage====
{{Email|OH MY GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!

Not at you of course.

So this guy who sold me guitars wasn't even a friend of yours? I'm not sure I fully understand this... so he came with two identical guitars and took the money that was supposed to go to you? I'm amazed. Have I go the story right? It's amazing how being on the internet can bring out so many stupid people!!! I am SOOOO SORRY. There was no way I could have known! Can you forgive me?

What about the feedback, should I tell my dad to leave it there? It doesn't seem honest but this guy has ripped you off. What do you think?

As far as hanging out goes, we will soon guaranteed. I have to head home to Prague this weekend cause my mom is sick. It doesn't seem too serious, but I should visit my family. It's good to see them when they are down you know? What sort of things do you want to do? Good news is I have my own laptop now, so I can email more frequently. Email me lots over the weekend cause I may be pretty bored in Prague. I'm kind of excited though because I will be going to see family in Liberec and I get to RIDE THE TRAIN!!!

I would love to talk to your friend!!! I am trying to meet as many new people as possible. It can get lonely being a foreigner here and I want to practice my English too! What's a gal-pal?

I attached another photo from my graduation. It's of me and my two bestest teachers. Do you have any favourite lektors from school or university?

How's your mom? And how is the job hunt? I've been trying to find some work recently too.

Ok, study break is over. Back to the work.

ČAU MOJ!!
Regina.}}
====Absence====
{{Email|Haven't heard from you in a while. You aren't angry with me are you?

I finally took a peek at your YouTube account. There's a lot of angry videos on there. What is happening? Should I be worried about this Gregg person?

What should I do?

Regina}}
====We cool====
{{EmailReply|Hey, Regina. No, I am not angry with you; we are cool.

As long as you ignore him and don't communicate further with Gregg, don't worry. BTW, since you've met "Gregg" in person, can you describe what he looks likes; height, body build, eye color, skin, hair color/style and such?

Don't worry about the whole mess; it's MY mess, and I am and will deal with it personally.

And don't worry about the Guitar deal; I've relisted them on eBay; it's all cool.

How is your mother; I hope she's doing better? And let's try to re-schedule our meet and greet hang-out; do you know where Fashion Square Shopping Center is?

TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====The many faces of Gregg====
{{Email|Hey there.

Sure I can describe Gregg. He's a kind of square shouldered guy. He's black. He's around 190 cm and he had some pretty big biceps. He had pretty short hair too. I am not really good at telling black
people apart to be honest. I've been getting some weird emails too. Do you think they may be from him?

My mom is doing better. Thank you for asking. Though she is still pretty weak. They aren't sure why. They want to do more tests.

I've heard about the Fashion Square Mall, why do you ask? I have yet to go there.

I've read a bit from your Sonichu site. I'm not sure I totally understand it.

Čauko!

Regina}}
====Chris explains YouTube madness====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your description.

I've asked about Fashion Square, because I go there often, and it would be an ideal place to meet up. I'm free any afternoon; just let me know the day and time, and we can try to meet up again. :)

As for the wierd e-mails, make note of the sender e-mail addresses, block them, and delete any future wierd e-mails without reading them. You can pretty much tell in the subject line anyway.

Also, for the recently uploaded videos on YouTube; they were directed to my trolls, including the crazy-acting one where I break that hunk of wood (I was trying to scare them away with that one), please do not judge me from those. Although they do emphasize my dramatic side.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Insane people in malls====
{{Email|Yo, wassup?

Yeah, I'm not a really big fan of American malls. I seem to meet so many weird people in them. Usually some people shouting and being weird. I keep seeing all kinds of [[Attraction Sign|strange things]] in malls.

How about this: I finally got an apartment hookup through my friend. She found a great place near the University. I haven't seen it yet but I am totally trusting of her. We are going to take possession around the middle of November. We are SOOOO having a house party. Are you down? We are going to get WASTED and break the house in proper.

I'll block the emails. Just like you recommended. What are trolls anyway? I always thought they were some ugly things from children's stories that ate goats. I'm kind of getting the sense from what I have read that they are some sort of internet haters or something. What exactly do they want with you?

The videos are pretty interesting. I thought [[War Paint Video|the Indian one]] was cute :) but I don't really understand it. Tell me more about your dramatic side!

I totally talked to your friend! She seems really cool. How did you meet her? Is she like your girlfriend or something? I love meeting new people. It gets so hard being a foreigner here when everything is weird.

Back to studying!!!!!

Těší mě!!!

Regina.}}

====Chris believes the trolls are jealous of him====
{{EmailReply|Firstly, Kim is not my girlfriend; she already has a boyfriend; she and i are just friends. I met her through an old friend of mine.

The house party sounds like fun. :) I am down with that. But I would still like to meet you in person ASAP. How about this, since you don't like the mall, and I recall you telling me you liked the taco place, how about we meet at a Taco Bell? There are two in Charlottesville; one nearby the Barracks Road Shopping Center, and one nearby the Albemarle Square, where the ACAC Fitness Center is located. Just let me know which day you will be free, and I can meet you at one of the two Taco Bells (We'll need to specify which one beforehand) that afternoon.

In this case, Trolls are Internet Bullies; they pick on people for the "LULZ" (or "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|Laughs Under Lucridicities]]" as I put it); Laughs at other people's expense. They try to trick, or hack, the victim or their associates to gather dirt and information on them, and twist and turn the truth around and make terrible, slanderous jokes at their expense. Mostly, they pick on celebrities; I do not really understand why me of all people. But they are just lowly individuals who most likely hang out practically 24/7 in their basements in front of their computers. The only theory I have is that they're jealous of me and my creative ideas and comics.

Anyway, I gtg; I have a few things to do right now, but I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Philosophy reading====
{{Email|Hello!!! :)

Well, the thing is, I want to meet you too. But right now this philosophy at university is driving me mad!!! I have so much reading to do I am spending all my time in classes or at home with my nose in a book. I figure once I can get the bulk of my reading under control, I am totally yours to meet. I'll guarantee we can meet before the housewarming party, but not at this exact moment.

Not unless you can explain my philosophy readings to me :D Why does it need to be ASAP?

I am really not a fan of fast food, maybe we can go to a nightclub or bar or something... do you know any good ones??

So I think I understand the whole trolls thing. I read a bit of your bio on that cogsdev thing you sent me. It seems like a pretty confusing story. It sounds pretty tragic too.

Anyway, in the meantime, until we meet that it, can I keep sending you emails to keep my English up to date? Although she speaks perfect English, my Aunt only wants to speak Czech all the time... All my readings are in English but I keep getting worried my social English will go out the window. Can I ask you some questions before we meet?

Pusinky :*
Regina.}}
====The sooner the better====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; we can meet up at the Baja Bean across from [[Wal-Mart]]; they have a bar there, and they do check for ID, but it is smoke-free and clean. Plus, they have Karaoke Friday Nights there at 9:00. It doesn't have to be ASAP, but the sooner the better, I feel. And of course you may ask me as many questions as you please, and I can think of some in response to those as well. :) I continue to look forward to our meet and greet.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Questions about America====
{{Email|Hey!!!

Ok, cool. I like to ask foreigners a lot of questions. Because this is the first time I have lived in America, so there are so many things I am curious about...

Ok, so check this out. I saw your video where you are dressed up like an Indian. Do they still live on reservations and stuff? I haven't met anyone who is an Indian (at least not that I know of) and no one seems to really know that much about them. Do you? You said you had some ancestry, so I was just curious. Do you follow any traditions? The only things I know about Indians are from the Winnetou books and movies and I'm not sure how accurate they are.

Oh hey, do you have any more books to recommend other than those RL Stien books? My brother is looking for some good books and those ones aren't available in the Czech republic. He needs to read more because his English sucks almost as much as my dad's.

I went through some of your comics. Pretty interesting. Where did you learn to draw? I have been reading books on how to draw but can't seem to get anything right. I read a lot of theory books like from Marvel and stuff but I never seem to improve. I would take lessons but that will have to wait until University is over.

Ok, and a couple of American things that really get me confused...

The first is halloween. Everyone seems to make a big deal of it. I don't get it. We don't have it in the Czech republic but everyone knows what it is. But what's the big deal anyway? A lot of people have invited me to parties. Are you going to a party? I don't understand how this thing for kids to get candy has turned into adults dressing up for parties.

Also, politics. People really seem to ramble about politics a lot. I think I kind of get the sense of what the parties are about. Who do you vote for? I hope that's not too personal a question. And a lot of people seemed to hate George Bush. Why didn't they like him so much? And now a lot of people don't like Obama. Why don't people like him? ARRRRGH, I'm so confused. And what's with all these conspiracies... ABOUT BOTH.

Oh hey, on a by the way sort of note... My dad's is starting up this new media company and he needs writer/editor type people with HTML skills for a website. I read on your site that you know a bit about that. They are having trouble finding skilled people to fill the position. Would you be interested in the email address or are you too busy with freelance work? I don't know anything about how much it pays but my dad said just refer (he told me to ask anyone I knew) people to his HR manager and they would happily answer questions. I still feel bad about the guitar thing and hoped this would make it up to you.

Gaaah! I need to get back to all this philosophy reading. All these books make me think about our place in the world. Do you think there is a grand design or something? Do you have a personal philosophy? After reading all this, I don't know what to believe...

Ask me some questions so I can procrastinate in these readings LOL!!!

Ok. Back to work.

Čau moj!
Regina}}
====Wikipedia: The answer to everything====
{{EmailReply|Cool. Well, in order to your questions; firstly, I am 1/32 Cherokee. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations. The proper term is not Indian (that term was misconstruded when Christopher Colombus landed at what would later be called America, and he thought it was India (his originally planned destination) and he referred to the people as people of India by mistake; the proper term is Native American. I currently do not know of any traditions to follow of my Cherokee ancestry, but information on "Cherokee" can be looked up on Wikipedia.

The only other books I can remember having read, off the top of my head, is "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Wednesday's Child" and "The Giver". The authors escape me, but again, check on Wikipedia.

My drawing style, I would say is mostly natural, but I have learned about perspectives and such from Numerous Art Classes I took throughout my lifetime in all my schools I went to. I can shed some light on perspectives for you and help you practice drawing in the future. :) Do you have any samples of your drawing style you'd like to share with me? I can critique it and offer you honest, detailed feedback that can help you as well.

Halloween History can be looked up on Wikipedia, but the costumed portions, from what I've heard, started in these United States in Salem with Witches, spooks and the like. As portrayed in a "Treehouse of Horror" episode of "The Simpsons", one theory states that some of those witches wanted children for one of their brews or something, so they went house-to-house. But instead of taking the children, they were offered cookies, candies and treats, and the witches accepted those instead. And eventually, the trend of Trick or Treat and costumed people going house-to-house followed for a Halloween tradition. Adults like to dress up to get into the spirit, and parties are a given as such for fun and enjoyment. I know of a halloween party I plan on going to nearby the Downtown Mall; if we meet soon enough, I would like to invite you to come with me there. :) If you came with me, what would you dress up as? And I encourage your own personal creativity. As a suggestion, if you still have your prom dress, all you would need are a pair of clear transparent slippers and a tiara, and you come as Cinderella.

I am not all that into politics, but I do know some things from ear (Bush and Obama and why people dislike them can be found on the Wikipedia also). You may be talking about George Bush JUNIOR that people have disliked; I don't know much of why. As for Obama, people are disliking him, because he supposedly is being a wuss and has pulled back some of the US Armed Forces from other countries. And currently, his Health Plan; to my understanding, it would just be a costly thing that Americans are not ready for yet, because we can't afford it yet, due to the recent recession (which didn't seem like that big of a deal in my opinion; I just lived on day by day, and I'm still okay). And there's the deal with another country concealing a nuclear facility from him; they don't want to give a tour, and they're saying it's there for "Peace Reasons". Obama's trying to get other countries' support to make this country show him their facility. That's what I know right now. I recommend learning what you can in research to help settle your confusion more if you feel the need.

Also, as for voting, in current events, my main concern is on the Governer of Virginia; Bob McDonnel or Craig Deeds. There are tales of McDonnel wanting to take Virginia backwards, in a sense, by supporting a law created by Bush Jr. (I think). And McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and he would make it illegal, even in incest or rape, and for married couples, to have the choice. On the other hand, Craig supports higher taxes for gas, housing and such. Currently, Craig is ahead, but my father and I both feel that Neither McDonnel or Craig are good; they're both poor choices. We're even thinking on Election Day to Write in Snoopy (Charlie Brown's dog) instead of voting for McDonnel or Craig. LOL

I do have good knowledge of raw HTML, and I created the Most Original CWC's Sonichu Site, as well as its predecessor, CWC's PokeSite 2, from raw HTML text in Notepad. I have had two classes; one during High School and one later at PVCC. I would need more information on your dad's company, and the web server that is set up for his company, but I am up for that. ;)

Personal philosophy, I'm not sure; I have thought about it before, but it escapes me at the moment. I promise to recall, remember it and get back to you on that.

Also, for bars I've been to, I've also been to Applebees (the one by Toys 'R' Us; they have Karaokee Mondays), the TGIFridays by Target, and Club R2 (A.K.A. the Rapture) in the Downtown Mall (I don't know much about R2, but they do print their events in Charlottesville's "The Hook" weekly newsletter magazine (it's Free). Have you been to any yourself yet, and if so which ones?

I'll think up some more questions for you by the next e-mail.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina is just full of questions====
{{Email|Word up yo...

Ok, thanks for telling me about the whole Indian/Native American thing. No one corrected me on that yet and I have been saying it all along. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess it is hard to preserve traditions like that. I guess most of it was verbal history too.

I don't think I will offer up any drawings for critique just yet. I am not sure they are good enough. Maybe I will, but I will have to find them first. Like a lot of my personal photos they are strewed around on a whole variety of different CDs. I'll look, but no promises.

Ok, so I think I get the whole deal behind halloween parties. I guess it just makes sense to have an excuse to dress up crazy and go out to have fun. The halloween party you mentioned sounds like fun, can you tell me more about it? I would go, but I think I will have to fly back to the Czech republic cause my mom is still sick. My dress is there anyway, it was too much to pack. Surely you must know some nice lady you can take there? What are you dressing up as? That's what I'm really curious about. And why are you choosing this costume... oh, please take photos of your costume if I don't get to see it.

Thank you for clearing that bit up about politics. Can you explain to me, if you don't like these two men, why you would write a cartoon character's name? Are these the only two men? Is there really no other people? That sounds a little bizarre to hae only two people to choose from. I guess no one else wanted the position? The way you put it, Obama does sound like kind of a wuss. Do you think he is right to pull back the armies from these arab countries? I read the Wikipedia article on George Bush Junior. It seems that people don't like him because of immigrants or something. And he doesn't seem to care about the environment and people seem to think he allows torture. And mostly the wars he started too... how reliable is this Wikipedia? Are these things really so bad? Good luck with choosing the governor.

Ok, I don't know the details about HTML and things. Computers are not my specialty. My dad told me to find anybody interested and forward them on to him. His email is *redacted* so it is probably best just to contact him. He may get his assistant to write back, because, well, you have read his English already. If he does reply on his own, go easy on him, k? :) You have some pretty good chances of getting the job cause they are having a really hard time getting a pool of applicants. They really want an English speaker, but no one seems to want to work for a Czech company.

I have been to a few bars, but I forget the names of most of the places. I think I went to some bar called Vivian's or some place next to it or something. I really need to start remembering the names of all these places. A couple of discos too. I will pick up a copy of The Hook and look for these events you suggest.

Here's another few questions I thought of. Have you ever thought about doing comic plots for different characters? Like maybe doing a spinoff for one of your current characters or designing a new set of characters with a new story? Or are you just sticking to your current universe? And why/why not? My brother used to read a lot of comics so he may ask me about your mentality or whatever the next time I see him.

Hey also, we were talking about philosophy, that's cool if you don't remember your personal views. I guess it isn't something the average person thinks about every day. What about your future? What do you see in your future? I am always curious about this with everybody. I see myself being like my father or brother and starting my own business, but some different kind of business. Not like the traditional kind. I just don't know what yet. What about you? What kinds of things would you like to do? Maybe in ten years or when you retire? Or next year, whatever...

Anyway, back to the books!

Papá!!
Regina}}
====Chris babbles about costumes, poltics, and dreams====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; I look forward to any drawings you are able to share with me. :)

The Halloween party I'm planning on going to is on Saturday October 31 at the Key Center, 800 E. Market St, at 7 - 9 PM; $3 per person, $5 per couple; I will pay our way in if you decide to come with me. I thought I've mentioned that I currently have a few gal-pals (who are already taken), but no girlfriend for myself yet (I'm single). So, other than you, I do not have anyone else I could take. I'm going to go in this outfit I sometimes wore before to the Pokemon Trading Card Game League I used to attend that made me look like Ash Ketchum. I thought of making up an outfit to go as Captain N, from that classic Nintendo TV Show, "Captain N, the Game Master", but it's hard for me to find a matching jacket at Goodwill, even an "N" to stitch onto the jacket. I'll send you a photo in the next e-mail.

I'm sorry to hear your mother is still ill; please offer her my humble condolences and wishes for full recovery. :)

The wikipedia is most reliable; the people who post on there most of the time quote their sources; books, newspapers, other websites, etc.

McDonnel and Deeds are the only two candidates for VA Governer at this time, and with both of them being not so swift candidates, it just seems fitting to write-in the fictional character as a comical alternative. My father brought up the idea of writing Snoopy in first, and I was hip to the idea, because it made me laugh. :D As for why, McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and Deeds would Raise Taxes; it's like one would Retardate Virginia, and one would Make Things MORE Expensive.

As for Obama, I would have to agree with popular opinion on the issue of him pulling back our troops; I feel what he did there was like saying, "We're not worthy; please do with us as you wish, and we will offer no resistance." Pitiful.

I will respect and understand your father's english capabilities and wording at my best. :)

I do not plan on any spin-offs for my comic series; there are a LOT of characters and such, and I feel it would be more complicated and difficult to do such at this time. But in future pages, I do plan on expanding on each individual character with their individual stories and adventures. I have all my ideas written in my Brain's Diary.

As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but [[Dreams|I HAVE A DREAM]]! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.

Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him [[Reginald]]; that was not a dream-thing though. I've had a [[PandaHalo|past internet gal-pal]], who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child. She died last Janurary during the wild bushfires then. Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.

I have a lot of stories I would be happy to share with you in-person in conversations in the future. It feels easier to me to talk about it in-person, in lieu to typing it up.

Which brings up a topic I'm curious about, please tell me about any past relationships you've had; ex-boyfriends, any sex, etc. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, I understand.

Cool, I will TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,

Cau,

Chris. :)}}

====Regina can't make it====
{{Email|Hey there!

Well, thank you for the offer for the halloween party, but I will definitely be flying to Praha on that day. So there is no possible way for me to make it. Can't wait to see the photos of the Ash outfit you mentioned. I think I know the character you are talking about. I am sure I will recognise it when I see it. I don't know who Captain N is. I will check Wikipedia or something. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse your gal-pals for girlfriends. I just figured you were involved with someone. If not on a full relationship yet. Just a sense I got from your YouTube videos. I saw one where you were talking to a girl named [[Kacey|Kacy]] where you said you cared about her. Sorry for the confusion. I seem to have taken these videos out of context. Is there an explanation?

It's too bad you have such poor choices for governor or whatever. Higher taxes aren't such a bad thing though are they? They help pay for important stuff. I agree they shouldn't be too high. How much more will you have to pay if he gets elected? What happens if everyone writes Snoopy on the ballot? Would he have to take office?

When you put it that way about Obama, it does sound pitiful. If that's the case, why do so many people like him? And why do you think he should have stayed in Iraq? Are you a very patriotic person? I am very proud of being Czech, especially of my language.

You certainly seem like you have your future planned out in full. I wish I knew my future as well as you do! For now, I just want to EXCEL. I want to make the best of myself in whatever I do. I have had to bust my ass while studying. Everyone goes out and parties but I don't stop till I get it right. And boy do my marks show it. I want to be the BEST. Not sure what I have to prove. Just want to be all I can be. Maybe once I do that, I can relax for a bit. My own business is my clearest goal, even though I'm not sure what the business will be about. Do you ever have ambitions like this?

I am really sorry to hear about your friend. She must have been very special to you.

Since you mentioned Snoopy, I was just curious. What are your favourite cartoons? Do you prefer Western or Eastern? What do you like about them? I personally like Russian cartoons.

I was also watching your video about [[Brutal Legend]]. I heard about that game. Is it good??? It sure looks good! Do you like metal music? Is that why you got this? I think you probably explained this in your video but there is no sound. Did YouTube screw it up?

Here's a weird question I love asking people... If you could have any superpower, what would it be? What would you do with it. The best answer I ever got was from my friend. She wanted the ability to fart in stereo LOLOLOL!!! I guess that means she would have two buttholes.

Also, what's up with American trains? European trains are way cooler. Do you use the train much?

We totally will share in person as soon as I have the time. I just want to get to know you in the meantime is all. I can be initially shy in a first meeting so it helps if I know what I can talk about.

Did you email my dad? He says he didn't get anything from you yet. Sometimes these Czech emails can be pretty screwball. If it isn't working, I'll give you his Gmail.

Nope, never had a boyfriend.

Na zdravie, šťastie a lásku,
Regina :)}}
====Chris answers a bunch of questions, is still a virgin====
{{EmailReply|Yes, Kacey is one of my gal-pals; nothing major at the time. She already cares for [[Liquid Chris|this other dude]]. I do care about her as a friend though. :) I am the sort of man who keeps his friends close to his heart and cares about them.

The only True-from-My-Heart-and-Mind Videos are on my own personal YouTube accounts, my current "ChristianWChandler" and my past "CChan6789". MOST others outside of my accounts will be slandered, misleading videos created by the Trolls, in lame attempts to mislable me, as well as smearing my good name and reputation.

I've attached an early picture of me in my ol' outfit (0647); ignore the wastepouch; I have not worn one in years. And I generally wore this yellow Pokemon TCG League Gym Leader shirt to Best complete the outfit (0584).

These photos are from my slideshow of life photos/pics I presented in a [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]] I created on my 25th Birthday, February 24, 2007, called "Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on T.V." Originally, it was priviately distributed from me to close friends and family. But last year, a troll pretended to be one of my old, close gal-pal and tricked a copy out of me; now it's all over the web, with messed-up versions of the original videos, and people making and distributing FAKE copies. DO NOT BUY any of those, as well as the unofficial Sonichu/Rosechu merchandise; there aren't any at this time, but I am working on that. After you and I become real close, I would be happy to make a copy for you, or I can share my Master Copy with you in a multiple number of "Movie Nights"; there is over 6 hours of original content.

Please do not judge me, but yeah I have yet to expierence a major relationship. But I do have a good amount of knowledge to make up a good relationship, as well as good sex. I have seen a good share of soft and hardcore porn, including some Educational videos from companies like the Sinclair Institute. But again, there is no rush. Which brings up a question, how do you feel about sex before marriage, or sex in general?

I feel that higher taxes is the better of the two evils in the governer issues, so I'll probably root for Deeds anyway. I wouldn't worry about Snoopy.

Obama stay in Iraq? You may have misunderstood a phrasing in my last e-mail; I never meant that in any way. I am proud to be an american; I am patriotic. I can go on about the history of these United States and how our forefathers, who founded it and shaped it to what it is today, worked and fought to maintain order and peace throughout this fine nation. My father could go on about that as well; he is very knowledgeable in the history. And I welcome and respect your patriotism for your country as well; you have every right as you were born and raised in it. :)

I have had ambitions for a job or business, even though it was not made clear to me on what it would be specifically; I'm still uncertain currently. What are your ideas for the business subject you'd like to pursue? My mother originally wanted to be a teacher, and she has had past expierence in substituting for the teacher in their absence from time to time. Yet she ended up taking a number of secretarial jobs in a number of companies and businesses.

I have a LOT of favorited cartoons; (anything) [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Transformers]] (any Generation), [[Excel Saga]], Samurai Pizza Cats, Smurfs, [[Gay|Care Bears]], and more. I'm not sure what you mean by Western or Eastern, unless you mean American and Japan (Anime) Animation. I like Anime a bit better, because it is mostly better drawn and rendered compared to American, plus the stories are usually better, and sometimes the original Japanese Audio, even in the TV-Y area, has some curse words. LOL :D I have also watched Canadian Animation; those were good, and British Animation ("Danger Mouse" to name one). I don't think I've ever watched Russian Animation, but I am always open for new shows. :)

Yeah, I am uncertain [[PSEye|what happened to the audio in the original video I did for Brutal Legend]]. I like all kinds of [[Chris and music|music]], unless it's presented at a TOO Loud volume; respect the eardrums. LOL Metal is awesome, but I mostly listen to Pop, Lite Rock, Country, Jazz and Classic.

I would have to say Super Speed; [[Sonichu's Edge|I wouldn't easily tire out after running at such velocity]], I'd get a lot more exercise, and I wouldn't require a car if I can get there in a Snap on foot. :D

I have never ridden on a train, I'm sorry.

You can talk about most anything to me, no worries. And if you cross a line, I will let you know; I would respect your wishes if I cross a line in discussion, you'd only need to tell me.

I've just e-mailed Walter, asking for the information. I am certain he got the message, because I would have gotten a "Returned Message" e-mail if the address was faulty.

I'm sorry you can't make the Halloween Party, but it's cool; I'll be okay. :) I am looking forward to your house-warming party; please let me know if I can do or bring anything to help make it better. Please be sure to let me know the details when you are fully certain of them; when and where.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Cau,
Chris.}}
====Regina is asexual, asks about loads of random stuff====
{{Email|Yo yo yo wass happenin'

That is too bad that Kacey cares for another dude, it wasn't some sort of tragic love triangle was it? I feel really sorry for you if it was. It is good that you can look past it and see her as a friend still.

It would be cool to see your DVD. I didn't know you were a filmmaker too! What kind of films do you make? What is your DVD about? It sounds interesting. I love director's cuts. Do you have a big screen? I hate watching movies on small TVs. I am sorry to hear that people are pirating it. It really sucks when people [[Sonichu|steal other people's intellectual property]] like that.

Sex before marriage is of no concern to me. People can do whatever they want in the privacy of their homes. Sex in general seems like a waste of time in my opinion. But like I said, they can do what they want. I have never watched a porno.

Speaking of other countries and patriotism, how much do you know about the Czech republic? I am always curious what people know about my country, or Europe. Have you been to Europe? Is there any place you would like to visit in Europe? We have so many nice things to see. Or maybe you would prefer a different continent? Speaking of Czech, I totally tried to bring back some Slivovica for your dad. But they took it at customs. I will try to bring another. If it doesn't work this time I will get my brother to bring some when he comes to visit me in November.

As far as the business model I would like to pursue, I want to maybe open a restaurant that features all kinds of Slavic and foods from my part of the world, OR something related to fashion. I think the fashion industry is boring, I would like to introduce something new but I have no really good ideas just yet. Have you thought about any general areas? I know you said you weren't sure, but I mean generally.

What kind of Canadian cartoons have you watched? Or British ones other than Danger Mouse?

Glad to hear you like metal. I like quite a bit of it. Among other stuff. Mostly indie.

Hey do you play any sports? I love sports. I have just been getting into American Football. It seems pretty complicated. I haven't decided if I like it or not yet. It seems interesting anyway. I heard a lot of American men have played football in high school, did you by any chance?

Here's a question I keep hearing a lot in America: If you could have a dinner party and invite 3 people... anyone you want... living or dead... who would it be? Myself, I picked Vaclav Havel, Robo Kazik, Ernest Hemingway and Golda Meir. I know that's 4... yes I cheated. And you?

Do you own a gun? It seems like a lot of people here do. I'm not judging on it or anything, I'm just curious. A lot of people seem to have them. Would you ever buy one? I never thought about it myself, but one of my friends suggest I come out with her to the shooting range.

Oh, and my brother was a bit curious about your artistic process, what goes through the head of an artist when he is thinking of what to draw?

My dad got your email by the way, he let me know today that he received it. He says he is going to have his assistant look it over the start of the business day. He was really excited about the prospect of hiring an American at his company.

Glad you are looking forward to the house-warming party. It is going to RULE!!!!! I can't wait. As for what to bring... I dunno, what do Americans usually bring to parties? We do need to get some alcohol. Would you mind picking it up? It's just that most of us are under 21. If you are worried about it say no. I love America but it has some pretty dumb laws.

Anyway, back to the books... again :(

Have fun talking to my dad or his assistant :)

Mám rád zozadu,
Regina}}
====Chris wants sex, played football with girls====
{{EmailReply|I wouldn't really call myself a filmmaker, but I have created some documentry-like films that are on the DVD and saved as video files on my PS3, along with the newer videos I created since then. In a nutshell, the DVD is essentially the videos I put together, the two TV News Segments I was portrayed in, and slideshows of still photos and pics with good tunes and a pretend Radio Show I created onto Audio Cassette over a decade ago. It's more or less sort of a "Best Of" type of thing. I have a Sony HD TV, about 40 or 46" wide.

In my humble opinion, I am okay with sex before marriage too. I do not feel that it is a waste of time; I feel the intercourse between loving couples who deeply care about each other is truly special, and is essentially a truly magical connection between them. Although as for those who may not feel like that during intercourse, they still get sensations that just feel totally awesome between each other.

I have not been to Europe, and I can learn more about the Czech Republic from your point of view in addition to what you've previously shared with me. :) I do not currently have a favorite location in Europe, but if I had the chance, I would enjoy visiting the other countries. Although, I would like to visit England and Japan; England being the origin of my mother's half of the family, and I'd like to sample more of the video games only available in Japan, and see their technology that the US doesn't have yet. IDK about my father being able to take in any alcohol at his age, but I know he would appreciate the gesture, and I can get a chance to sample the slivovich for myself with you. :)

You have made some good choices in your possible carrer pursuit. :) Perhaps you and I can put our minds together and make either one happen for you. As for me, something in Artistry or Comic Publications is one idea of mine, or maybe use my CADD degree and go into designing or something.

One Canadian cartoon I can recall the name of right-off is Bob and Margaret, and there was this one of two short cartoons that featured this blue dog who gets adopted into a family who is danger prone with lots of accidents; the dog protects his family and the baby.

I like Basketball, Volleyball and Baseball, and I have ice skated at the rink at the Downtown Mall. I've played football for a short while at High School, but I was not all that into it. And during that time in the P.E. class, I was placed on special request on the girl's team, which was better; I did not care to be tackled or rough-housed like they did on the boy's team. Football is okay; I'm just not all that into it.

I would invite Britney Spears, Pamela Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson (the original Pink Ranger on the "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"). For my fourth, though, I would invite [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

I do not currently own a real gun, but I have had target practice in video games like "Duck Hunt" (NES) and on a few Wii games too; I'm fairly good. I may consider buying a gun, but not right now.

My artistic process... I think of story pieces, I note them, and when I draw them up, I add more to them; beginning and end (or middle and either if the piece is beginning or end). There are more details, but I'm not sure how to phrase them at this time. But mostly, it just comes to me. :)

I would be happy to bring some beer or wine to the party; just let me know which brand of beer (or white wine) strikes y'all's fancy good.

I gtg for now; I need a shower. I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina confirms asexuality====
{{Email|Ok, sorry I guess I misunderstood what you meant by making a DVD. So this is like a series of short films and a collection of other stuff.

So you were on the news? How did you manage that? What were you on the news for?

Oh wow, you have a big TV. It must be pretty good for video games. I
have never had a TV that big.

Ok, maybe some people are into the whole sex thing. But personally I
have no interest. I think bothering with something like that would
distract me from other more important social relationships. More
importantly it would probably distract me from improving myself. That
energy could be put to good use for a lot of other things. And I
doubt it would really change much. If you care for a person then sex
shouldn't be so important. Just an option. A lot of people seem to
think that having sex will change things. I would bet a lot of money
that it doesn't.

That is too bad that your dad can't drink any Slivovica. I guess I
can still try to smuggle some in and you can try it. It is best to
try the original Czech stuff. They say Slivovica is good for your
health and helps you live longer. Europe really is the best place to
go. A lot of Americans came to Prague looking for adventure and they
always found it. I know a bunch of them who actually settled down in
the Czech republic and got married or started new careers.

Thanks for the input on my possible career choices. What have you
been doing in the way of starting your business related to artistry or
design? Oh, speaking of which, have you talked much to my dad? He
loves America but I hope he is not being a weirdo about it. Or maybe
you spoke to his assistant.

So what reasons do you have for inviting Britney Spears, Pamela
Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson to your dinner party? What is your
motivation for having them there? What kind of questions would you
ask them? Why only media personalities? I'm very intrigued and
curious.

So you might buy a gun in the future? What kind of gun do you think
you would buy? Would you be getting it for protection or sport? What
exactly do you think about gun control? Personally I don't care
either way. I have never owned one but my father is an avid hunter.
He was a sharpshooter when he did his military service.

I really don't know what kind of wine is good. Do you have any
recommendations? The girls need wine. I think most of the guys who
are coming will be bringing their own beer. I am responsible for
getting the girls drunk so I need someone to bring the white wine.

Very interesting info about your art process. Do you have a full
story arc planned and fill in little pieces or do you make them up as
you go along? What inspires you to draw these particular elements?
What kinds of symbols are you using in your art? I'm curious to see
what elements are symbolic of certain things I may not be catching. I
am not good at picking up on symbols when reading. Here's one thing I
was wondering, do your characters all have first, middle and last
names? Like is Sonichu just Sonichu or is he Mr. XXXXX XXXXX Sonichu. Or maybe Sonichu is his first name?

By the way I saw your video on Kacey. Everything you said was pretty
sweet but if you want to win her back you might want to just jump in
and tell her to come back to you. Girls love guys who can be strong
and tell them what they want. I bet if you are way more assertive
then she will see and admire that. It will probably make this other
guy shit his pants with fear too. I hope I am not out of place saying
that, I just thought I would offer my womanly opinion. I hope it was
of some help.

Hope everything else is great. :)

Peace and love as you say... or mier a láska as we would say in my
language. Oh, and here's one thing I want to teach you too. You
should start conversations with na zdar. It is a really cheerful
Czech greeting. It means "I wish you well" and it sounds really cool.

Ty kokot,
Regina}}

====Chris weasels out of a job that is handed to him without reservation====

{{EmailReply|I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff and other things. I have recently found peace of mind with the arrival of my Copyright Registeration Certificate from the VA Library of Congress for Sonichu. I am in work on making a presentation video and getting in touch with companies to make the merchandise and copies of my books and DVD.

Also, I apologize for not getting back to your father on the website job; I have thought a lot about it after reading the details his secretary e-mailed to me. I feel that is beyond my html skills, I apologize for that. But he can go onto websites like monster.com and find resumes for people who have exceptional html skills and such.

Please foward that paragraph and my humble apologies and regards to him for me; I have misplaced his address.

I have more e-mails to check, so I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tried to get it through his damn dirty skull====

{{Email|Hey Christian,

I think you may have misread the description. The HTML skills are
just something basic, to make sure that people are familiar with the
medium. They need someone to write articles. Specifically articles
about gaming and technology. They just increased the salary too
because they can't find anyone to do it. It's at the point where they
need someone pretty badly, if you have some specific time requirements
or whatever you can let them know, but they will be flexible with it.
Along the lines of 10 articles a month shouldn't be too difficult.
You really should talk to Marketa and my dad again *redacted*

Anyway, how is everything else? Good to hear about your copyright.
How did things work out with Kacee?

Later,
Regina.}}

====Chris mad====
{{EmailReply|Gaming and technology articles? I thought your father was working in Ceramics.

Kacey went and married the brown-striped impostor who pretended to be me; his YouTube name is [[CChanSonichuCWC]].}}

====Further attempts from Regina to offer a dream job====
{{Email|Wow, that really, really sucks. Some people have pretty bad judgment. Did she explain why? Don't be too upset, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes, my dad does make ceramics. But this is a NEW company. He is
trying to branch out into different areas to do with media and
technology because he is afraid that industrial products could one day
be all the domain of countries with poorer workforces. He wants to be
secure in the future and thinks getting into the tech industry is the
way to go. But they need someone who knows gaming and modern
technology AND is well spoken to kick off this first project. I guess
his assistant didn't explain it all too well.}}

Chris of course, ignored her. Proving that he couldn't care less about getting off the [[tugboat]].

====Regina resumes contact...====
{{Email|Anye new and fascinating news?

I bought a PSP. It is great for those stopovers on my flights to the
Czech Republic.}}

====And opens the floodgates of boring conversation====
{{EmailReply|That's neat; which model is it, because if it is a 2000, 3000 or PSP Go, you and I can talk to each other over Skype between our PSPs; ORIGINAL 1000 models are not Skype-Capable.

Also, I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff; I've just drew 4 pages and answered a bunch of fanmail on the Cwcipedia. But I am safe and well, thank you. :)

What do you say to setting up a dinner-date between you and me one day next week? This time, I'll come and pick you up, and I'll bring you back home on time safe.

I'll TTYL, XOXOXO,
Christian.}}

====Regina dodges the would-be gropefest...====
{{Email|It is the PSP 3000 slim and bright or whatever it is called. I need to find some good games for it.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy. Me too. My studies are driving me
overboard. I think I will go nuts. I have had to reach out and help
my dad too since his new enterprise is going nowhere.

I really don't think a dinner date is a good idea given my total work
overload. Sorry to say it's email for now!

What else is new?}}

====And gets even more bored with answers to questions nobody asked====
{{EmailReply|One good place to look for a start is in the Playstation Store on the Playstation Network. This can be done on your PC or even on your PSP. If you haven't done so yet, you can create an account for yourself on your PSP, and download the most current version of MediaGo onto your PC from http://store.playstation.com. You can browse the store for downloadable games, demos and videos. Some content requires a one-time purchase; you may use your debit/credit card, or you may go to the local Best Buy, Sam's Club or GameStop and buy some PSN Cards with increments of 10, 20 or 50 dollars. Should you decide to use a debit/credit card directly, be warned that there will be an additional dollar put on hold for a while to verify the card. Funds can be added under "Account Management" on your PSP, or on MediaGo, under "Transaction Management" then "Transfer Funds" There, you can add increments of 5, 10, 20, 50 or even the maximum limit of the grand total in the PSN wallet of 150. And if you don't have enough in the virtual wallet, you will be prompted to add the difference from your card at checkout. There are games Exclusively for Download Only from the Playstation Store, so feel free to read all the details for each title. They even have PSOne classics playable on both Playstation 3 and PSP.

I also highly reccomend investing in a 16 GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, which is available at Best Buy or Wal-Mart, which at average is currently priced at around $100.

And, of course, GameStop is a drive-to destination for reccomended PSP UMD titles, which works for you since you have a PSP with a UMD drive (versus the PSP Go which does not have a UMD drive).

I have been a loyal PSN account holder and customer since I bought my PS3 back in March, 2007.

But I digress. I am safe and well, thank you. :) I am still hanging with my family and working on Sonichu. BTW, I am currently looking for people to video-interview (to be uploaded onto my YouTube) for their views on Sonichu and expanding business-wise with merchandise and such. If you have some friends who know Sonichu from my Cwcipedia, please ask them for me if they will volunteer their time. I would appreciate it very much. And your opinions count too, and if you are willing to volunteer yourself, I would appreciate that too.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tries to be helpful====
{{Email|Hey!

That's pretty interesting. I talked to a few friends and contacts who
knew about Sonichu (I never realised how widespread it was, I thought
it was a bit more underground) and I have come up with about 10 (maybe
more) people who are all very keen on being interviewed. How many
people are you willing to accept? How much knowledge of Sonichu do
they have to have and do they need a webcam or is audio enough? Will
you be doing these interviews over Skype? I don't think I will have
time for an interview myself but what should I tell all these
interested parties?

ČAU!!!!
Regina}}

====Chris promptly tries to get others to do the work for him====
{{EmailReply|Please reply right after you read this. I would prefer in-person interviews with each one with me and my digital camera. Perhaps we can setup the on-the-street interviews for Wednesday or Thursday; I have a deadline of Friday for the full video. I would like to meet at the Downtown Mall by the old fountain (next to the Paramount Theatere) at about 3:00 PM, but please let me know which day is more agreeable between all the volunteers. Thank you soo much, Regina.

If you can find some free time, I'll gladly accept a video MP4 file of you sharing your opinions and thoughts on Sonichu expanding into the merchandise and all. You can film it, upload the file onto a Upload Site Server, send me the link to the video, and I'll download it to be added into the final video.

I'll TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}
====Chris is afraid of a little rain====
{{EmailReply|Just to let you know, the filming will have to be on Thursday since it is raining today. As an alternative, your friends may film their opinions and views on Sonichu in Merchandise, upload their files onto an upload server site and send me the links (preferably all links through you to me, so all of the links can be in one message).

Thank you again for your help.
Stay Safe, Cau,
Christian.}}

====???====
{{Email|Ok, I think most, if not all, will have to use the alternative. I just got this message and the other one. Most of the people who want to be filmed don't live in your area, so coming to the mall is out of the question for them. SO you want them to just give their opinions or should I refer them to you to be interviewed via some online method?}}

====Chris still doesn't really give a shit if people aren't doing something for him====
{{EmailReply|I see, please let me know how many of them do live in the area. And please let those in other states know to make the videos of their opinions. I apologize for the inconvience, but their input will be most valued.

To change the subject a bit, are you planning on flying back to your family during the Holiday break? For me, it'll be another stay-at-home with my family thing for me; simple and good.

TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}

====Some helpful advice that promptly gets ignored====
{{Email|Hey!

If I could make a bit of a recommendation, companies being pitched a
new product like to be shown the potential for expansion outside the
original fanbase. You should make a large survey of people who are
not familiar with Sonichu so that you can demonstrate how it can be
put into new households. They know that your current fans will buy it
but they need to be shown that it can pick up new buyers. Basic rule
of industry is that if you can't expand, then you should abandon the
project for something that will, otherwise it won't make money.

You should start polling strangers about Sonichu and offer them
something for their time, like a cookie or whatever.

See you later!
Regina}}

End of contact from our retard...

[[Category:E-mails]]

{{emails}}

That Goatee WILL Grow Back

2010-12-27T05:48:31Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Mild grammar tweaks

'''That Goatee WILL Grow Back''' (officially '''Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back''') is a video from 31 [[July 2009]], in which [[Chris]] tries to go back to his old self to address concerns that he's an [[impostor]] based on the fact he doesn't wear his [[medallion]] or striped shirts, and has a goatee.

In it, Chris [[fail]]s at shaving while Lift Up Your Eyes by [[Wikipedia:Planetshakers|Planetshakers]] plays in the background for emotional effect. Because, you know, it's definitely not creepy to violently shave yourself to Christian pop-rock. If Chris was smart and taught how to shave properly, he would have used shaving cream (or at least some olive oil), soap, a mirror, and water, but because he's Chris he will have to put up with razor burn for the next two weeks.

As of the late [[2010]], the goatee did not grow back.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back
| image = {{#ev:youtube|VdZXqEwaXkc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 31 July 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:classicshirt.png]] The Classic
| previous = [[CWC Update 29 July 2009| CWC Update 29 July 2009]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge|SingStar Challenge Announcement]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

[''CWC removes his glasses and speaks inaudibly to the camera as "Lift Up Your Eyes" by Planetshakers plays over him. He puts his glasses down, removes his waistcoat and takes off a medallion inscribed with the phrase "THE TIME OF MY LIFE", which he shows to the camera and then discards. Using a safety razor (but no cream), he begins taking vertical and horizontal swipes across his chin with alarming force. The head comes loose from the handle and falls to the ground. He picks it back up, reattaches it and resumes. After a few more strokes, he does this again. After further scraping, he seems to put this razor down and pick up a new one. The head falls off yet again and he reattaches it and continues. After more shaving, he stops to check for unshaven areas; he then resumes, checks, resumes, checks, finds it to his satisfaction and the video ends''.]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 29 July 2009| CWC Update 29 July 2009]]|nextlink=[[SingStar Challenge|SingStar Challenge Announcement]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-31]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-31]]

University of Virginia

2010-12-27T04:40:35Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Fake number */ Link for the specific episode

The '''[[Wikipedia:University of Virginia|University of Virginia]]''', founded by [[A Hike|Thomas Jefferson]] himself in [[Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]], has been declared a [[Wikipedia:World Heritage Site|World Heritage Site]] and is a famous example of [[Wikipedia:Neoclassical architecture|neoclassical architecture]], in addition to being consistently regarded as one of the best universities in the [[United States of America]].

All this, however, cannot save it from the unfortunate fame of being one of Chris's prime [[attraction location|attraction locations]].

Chris would spend time in the Alderman Library, playing his [[Nintendo|DS]] in the café, in hopes of attracting a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to be his [[sweetheart]]. According to a local [[Wikipedia:Something Awful|Something Awful]] goon named vikivil, Chris would also leave some business cards behind in library with the address to the [[Sonichu site]] printed on them. It can be reasonably assumed that these cards might have been one of the early seeds to his later Internet infamy.

Chris alludes to "the campus" in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|22 May 2009]] video, suggesting that he may return to UVA as an attraction location for his [[Fuck Quest]].

==Sonichu on UVA==

In ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' #5, "[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]" (read: Chris) did a review of the UVA Library:
{{quotebox|After hanging at Fashion Square and PVCC, Sonichu, the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]], decided to give the University of Virginia a try. He found the campus grounds serene and peaceful with its history, scenery and plenty of grass to rest on. He found himself educated within the libraries’ many books, and made like he was in Paris with the outdoor tables and chairs. And the “Corner” stores had an interesting selection of items from pencil sets to DVDs. He gave the UVA 5/5 Lightning Bolts of approval. Thank you UVA, for a very peaceful place to chill at in the city of Charlottesville.}}

==UVA student on Chris==

{{quotebox|So Sonichu returned to Alderman today. I am not sure what to make of him. He sits in his chair and draws his sonichu comics, harmless, i assme. Yet, I feel like he knows he's different. He knows that the world rushing in front of him is not his own. Surrounded by the "brightest" students in America, whatever that means, he sits in his chair and draws. 23 years old. I'm not sure he even [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|graduated high school]]. In front of him texts of [[Wikipedia:Plato|Plato]], [[Wikipedia:Faulkner|Faulkner]], [[Chris and religion|God]], and [[Wikipedia:Heinrich von Kleist|Kleist]] swirl. Does he have the capacity to understand these works? Whether he can or not, I am not sure, but their is something in his eyes that realizes that there is a level of understanding and thought that he is unable to partake in. As he slumps lower and lower in his chair with each student he eyes reading or holding a book, he falls into himself- into the markers and colors on the page in front of him. (coffee idea) He seems intelligent enough to understand that he does not understand, and that is the hardest part of all.<ref>[http://thereisbeautyin.livejournal.com/4791.html LiveJournal] 13 April 2005</ref>}}

==Fake number==

On 12 [[March 2009]], Chris talked to seven girls at Alderman Library. One of them gave him a number. "But unfortunately it was a fake... but unfortunately it was a bad number" because it was out of service. Chris was emotionally prepared for that though, since he had watched [[Wikipedia:The Strike (Seinfeld)|an episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Seinfeld|Seinfeld]]'' where [[Wikipedia:Elaine Benes|Elaine]] gives fake numbers to guys and a funny situation resulted with her wanting a free sub.<ref>[[Robert Simmons V#Church visit|Church audio]]</ref>

==Sauce==
<references />

{{Places}}
[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Axe

2010-12-27T01:09:03Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Move image so as not to cause a gap

[[Image:AXE body spray.jpg|thumb|left|A can of AXE yesterday.]]
[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|thumb|Chris's self made ad from [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Lynx recover deodorant body spray.jpg|thumb|left|In Britfag Land, Axe is called Lynx.]]
[[Image:BILLYAXE.JPG|thumb|[[BILLY MAYS]] (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.]]
[[Image:Chrisandaxe.jpg|thumb|Chris promotes his gay products]]
[[Image:Axe en español.jpg|thumb|Translated into [[Spanish]] for the convenience of [[homos|maricas]] everywhere.]]
[[Image:HeadTripAxe.jpg|thumb|right|How Chris believes Axe should work and how it actually works, Head Trip style.]]
{{quote|"For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to
attract...other dudes."|Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"}}
{{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}

'''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Britfags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance.

His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing.

==Axe betrays Chris==

Axe has betrayed Chris by giving away 300 Microsoft Points with their products at Target as a promotion for [[Xbox]]{{cite}}.

==Axe and the [[Homos]]==

In the beginning of [[May 2009]], Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a [[homos|certain demographic]]. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "[[Boyfriend-free girl|the ladies]]", wearing Axe may lead to being rogered roughly from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|two videos]] demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"

==Does it work?==

No. In reality, AXE does not really attract women towards the user. Therefore, girls will never be attracted to Chris (not that they would be anyway).

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Axe (grooming product)|Wikipedia article on Axe]]

[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE

2010-12-26T19:33:40Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Grammar-ify

'''Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE''' (also known as '''CWC's Important Message 02242007''' and '''Chris Chan's IMPORTANT MESSAGE''') is a 24 February [[2007]] video in which, in celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, [[Chris]] proactively delivers his manifesto, and also summarizes the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "Ladies and Gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages, as well as the, uh gals."

This video proves that Chris is able to withstand direct sunlight for a considerable time before the inevitable mutation into his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|Vest-Man form]]. Compared to his current habits, Chris appears more confident, stutters less, (though this is probably because he wrote a script) and is less of a fattie in 2007.

==Intended audience==

As outlined in the video, Chris wanted it to be shown in local schools. To date it hasn't, possibly because the FBI would describe it as "grooming" children (note that Chris refers to [[wikipedia:Alfred Kinsey|Dr. Kinsey]]). Chris also posted it online as a fan teaser to his shitty autobiographical DVD, [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]], that he was never going to show them regardless. His disappointed fans responded to this catch-22 situation by trolling him and getting their hands on the [[DVD]], anyway.

==Rundown==

The video covers a myriad of topics Chris knows nothing about, like how to attract a sweetheart and how to stay straight.

*Why going to school, like waterboarding, is not torture.
*Why it is important to [[homos|STAY STRAIGHT]]™.
*How to attract a [[sweetheart]].
*Boys should stroke the hair of a [[My Little Pony]] to understand girls.
*Girls should acquire [[Transformers]] to understand boys.
*Why every last ounce of "[[tobacky]]" should be sent to the moon.
*Why [[Alcohol|drinking]] is bad and leads to bar fights.
*Why anybody who disregards you is a "peanut."
*Why "straying from the straight path" will "jeopardize the entire world and the human race."
*For the love of God, STAY STRAIGHT!!!
*Girls should seriously consider the romantic advances of ugly, dumpy guys, "because they will likely have a [[Lie|better personality]] [...] and they may end up having a brighter [[2011|future]] for themselves."

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Iw9IybMbsI8}}
| Stardate = 24 [[February 2007]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Galpals|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Television|text}}, Drugs, Alcohol
| Performance Style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}, with jacket
| previous = [[Pixelated_PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
| next = [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]
}}

{{quote|All Views Expressed in this video ARE THOSE TRUE AND SOLID OF MY SOUND MIND AND COMPLETE CONSCIENCE. Especially STAYING STRAIGHT!!!}}

===Transcript===

Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages, as well as the, uh, gals. My name is [[Christian Chandler]]; I am ''here'', and y'all are there. [''chuckles''] This message is for everyone of the present and the future, beyond this date: February 24th, [[2007]]th. My birthday. My twenty-fifth birthday. [''holds up two fingers'']

I am [[Autism|High-Functioning Autistic]], and in my twenty-five years, I have seen and learned so much. And today, I am share—intend to share some wise words that I hope each and every one of you will take to heart and will offer yourself and everyone else a better part of your future.

First off, remember that going to school is not a torture. It is a place of learning, a place for growing, a place where you form the spelling of your own opinions, your own feelings, and your own personality. So learn everything you are able to, and grow with it.

Now, you should also be able to try something for yourself, before forming praise or detest of it. As long as those things will not harm you, or shorten your lifetime in any way, it's totally cool.

What is totally NOT cool, though, is thinking or doing these things, which are very harmful to you, and definitely gr—will gross out those around you that don't do it, because I haven't done it and I don't like it—doing either of them. You should avoid ''at all costs'' [[tobacky|smoking]], drinking [[alcohol]], and then taking any [[semen| similar icky dangerous stuff]]. And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get heart attacks, viruses, and your life will be cut ''drastically'' short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "death sticks" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the [[moon]].[Desi walks to front of the house in the backround] And for, uh, alcohol, they'll cause, uh, liver dysfunction, kidney prob—kidney [[fail]]ures, and uh, not only that, but, when you get drunk enough, bar fights and automobile accidents. So it's a real slow-acting poison. And I haven't done either one, and look at me now, I'm, uh... [''puffs out his chest''] [[Chris and Health|fit as a fiddle]], and I'm livin' twenty-five, hopin' to live on to be about eighty to a hundred. And y'all—hopefully, y'all will get a chance to get up to that ripe old age, as well.

Now, among the better things you should definitely try before despising, is some of the hobbies of those of your own—opposite gender. Like, uh, for example, if you are a young gentleman, I recommend buying yourself a [[My Little Pony]] figure of your favorite color or whatever. Now, uh, stroking the hair of said pony is very relaxing and therapeutic, and also rubbing it against your cheek. That's... nice. And also, uh, you can pretend that, uh, the pony is, uh, that girl you want to take you wanna take out to—you wanna take out sometime, and talk to the pony like you would talk to the girl.

Now for the, uh, ladies I would recommend... a good old Autobot from [[Transformers]]. Because you can get to learn how to examine the mechanics... and variations of... each and every... I mean, of the, uh, Autobot you have... like, uh, you would tr—like you would learn how... [[Duck|a man]]... works. And it'll allow you to feel more comfortable in approaching, and talking to, that boy you've been flirtin' from a distance, or, uh, just have been, uh, flirting with from a distance. And, uh, hopefully, uh, all you have to do is just end up and say "hello". I mean, it's not so hard. All you have to do is say "hello" to the man, ladies; that's all. And everything will just get going from there. And also, uh, with the, uh, Autobot, while it's in vehicle mode you can pret—drive down that imaginary fast lane.

But any—in any case, uh, while few people may ridicule you, you should not worry about it, because most everybody will be o—totally okay with it, because it won't matter. It won't matter, because... [''completely loses his place''] ...they see you enjoyin' it, and it's totally cool, if you're enjoying it. So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total peanuts. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?

Also keep in mind that, while you're playin' with these things, you should keep in mind of what your true, original gender is. Because, uh, it's like you worry about that girl you want to take on a date—YOUNG MAN!—or, uh, likewise, you feel more comfortable to approach that boy—by just saying "hello"—that you've been checkin' out from a distance—YOUNG LADY!—and hopefully in due time or now, each and every one of you will STAY STRAIGHT. You know, girl for boy, boy for girl? Everything else is vice, as said by [[Homos|Doctor Kinsey]]. Not just for me, not for [[Chris and religion|The Big Man Upstairs]], not for your family, but do it for, uh, yourself, and for—and for the benefits of everyone in the future: your children, your children's children... And, besides, if you stray away from the straight path, it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.

Also, girls and ladies, don't just go over gaga, over the handsome rich boys... and men... because they may turn out to be disrespectful and distasteful in their personality. You should take into consideration all the other gentlemen that you may have considered, that may be ''less'' attractive, or equally—less or moderately. Because those will—because they will likely have a better personality that you will—that you will generally enjoy and like, and they may end up having a brighter future for themselves. Like, look at me now—I'm shootin' this movie for a DVD... that's gon—that I hope will be shown in a couple of schools, at least.

Now, uh, also, uh... also, when you—when each and every one of you has a true general understanding of the, uh, opposite gender, and after that—finding that special MAN—LADIES!—or that special GIRL—GENTLEMEN!—always keep the... heart and memories of times that you two felt most attracted to each other, because that will be a key point to recovering from any disputes or arguments that you two might have in the future. Otherwise, so you two will just be darn happy with each other. But it's not all always gonna be peaches and cream or strawberry shortcakes. [[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] And also remember, you two should KEEP each other, because there will be nobody else—no matter how much you think about it—nobody else that can replace that special someone—him for her or... her for him—there's just nobody else...there's no substitute for that [[Virgin with rage|first one.]]

And now, I leave you with the lessons that you should have—that I hope you have learned from my message. You should all—you should stay in school, learn as you much. And try before you praise and despise. Never smoke! Never drink! Never worry about how others think of you when you do things... or... when you play with things that may not s—that may not seem like you—or whatever. Don't be afraid to approach those of your opposite gender. And MOST IMPORTANTLY! PLEASE... STAY STRAIGHT. I leave you with those words, as I have shared with you on this, my twenty-fifth birthday, February 24th, 2007. I am Christopher "Christian" Weston Chandler. Live long, and shine on, in your very own unique way. War is never the answer; peace is. Never fight. Compliments will get you [[fuzzy-wuzzies]]. War gets you prickly-wicklies... as well as punches. They get you those, too. Thank you very much, and have a wonderful day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|nextlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category: Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-02-24]]

Mumble 2

2010-12-25T17:38:44Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Notes */ Good links

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|180px|In Mumble 2, a Wild [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]] appeared.]]

'''Mumble 2''' is the second [[Mumble]] chat that took place on 4 [[February 2009]]. More than an hour long.

This is a more organized Q&A type chat than [[Mumble 1]]. Questions from [[Clyde]] about [[sex]] in the [[comic]] and interesting tidbits about how Chris believes sex is the same as romance. This is pretty hard hitting, with stuff like how Chris is into [[McDonald's|fast food]] yet he's against tobacco. A lot of drama involving Clyde.

Length: '''1:49:17'''

==Summary==

===Notes===
* Chris doesn't like Clyde because he stole his sweetheart.
* Audio cuts out for a minute before Chris says: "...HYMEN!" (You broke her hymen)
* Trolls claim [[Panda]] is with Clyde, Chris wants to hear her voice, they say she's busy
* 'She and I WERE very close'
* Chris didn't have $400-$800 to go and see Panda; claims he got this number from an airport website recommended by [[Miyamoto]]
* Insists on [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] being in ''[[Animal Crossing]]''
* Doesn't want to talk about his deal with them
* Insists that he doesn't have to turn down his radio since his voice is louder (''it is horribly loud in the mic'')
* Panda gave Clyde all of the sites, etc.
* [[Sarah]] is going to be with Clyde, which Chris wants to deny
* These motherfuckers keep talking over each other
* Calls a troll's critique crap
* [[Bubbles]] must be aroused, she isn't wet all the time
* Bubbles is 90% water so does sperm just swim around forever? NO
* Clyde: This is a children's comic, why so much sex?
: '''Chris:''' It is romance. My best artwork is when they're making out 'romantic moments', drawn in protest to trolls. Shows that [[Rosechu]]s have vaginas, not [[duck]]s.
* Admits to maybe going overboard
* Trolls try to reason with him about the [[ED]] article: There wouldn't be an article if he didn't react like he does.
* Trolls say that TV-Y7 means NO SEX but Chris points to romantic anime that have making out (cartoons are for kids, whatever the content).
* Trolls talk about Japan being less strict about those things
* Everyone gets to vote in [[CWCville]], even if they're [[Niggos|black]].
* Got his idea from [[Mary Poppins]].
* Troll tries to give historical background about cough medicine putting kids to sleep. Chris insists it was the lullaby that put them to sleep.
* Discussion about Chris, 'gay message' sent by a troll
* He calls Clyde a scoundrel
* BELIEVE HIM HE IS STRAIGHT
* Chris tries to speak Mexican at 20:50
* Mexican speaks Mexican to him... he replies in Menglish
* [[4-cent_garbage]] is located in Mexico
* Someone says that he needs to improve his Mexican
* Chris is against smoking, CWCville is smoke and alcohol free
* Rehash of why [[tobacky]] is bad, his position on it, alcohol=bar fights
* Chris's dad smoked and had several bypasses, has a pacemaker and has had heart attacks
* Mention of his hair cuttings for his fans
* Chris was doing math in his head, got in car crash.
* Chris has taken college level math. Took trigonometry.
* Trolls gang up on Clyde for stealing Panda
* Time will tell when Chris will make the money he would have in the Nintendo deal
* Trolls bash Clyde for his pot smoking
* Chris doesn't watch news because it's bad news =(
* Bashing of the Mexican
* Chris can type 30 to 100 WPM, but can't type and talk at the same time
* Chris says [[PSN]] is free though Clyde(?) points to the $1,000 Chris spent on PSN
* Chris has been typing for 15 minutes now and it is VERY loud
* Chris has been busy IRL therefore the comic release doesn't have a date
* Someone points to nudes on [[YouTube]].
* He does not have it on the YouTube, but he isn't going to take it anymore.
* Claims some of the photos are photoshopped.
* Clyde offers help to take ED page down.
* Chris denies taking those pictures, doesn't want to talk about it, making him uncomfortable.
* Some of the pictures are real. When questioned which ones are fake, Chris can't answer.
* Chris hates Harry Potter because it was in competition with [[Pokémon]]!
* Chris is too stressed to read Vivian's [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|book]], but he likes the cover!
* Polly, who has been talking the whole time is confronted by Chris who thinks she is a guy. Polly is upset. Chris apologizes.
* [[Jimmy Hill]] has launched his Sonichu show
* More Mexican talk at 55:10
* Chris giggles and sighs happily when Cassie, another Mexican, compliments him and when she leaves he says 'Chiquita Bonita'
* Rabbichoso talk (Sonichu.info)
* Classic trolls are leaving Chris alone.
* Chris likes Steel Angel Kurumi (''quote from [[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Wikipedia]]: often classified as ecchi due to the focus on fanservice and panty shots'')
* Chris claims to be very strong, could beat Clyde up. Says he would show Clyde a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Hard Day's Night]], and would give Clyde pain.
* ShinyMarshtomp makes an appearance? Likes Rabbichoso
* Chris likes to eat at [[Country Cookin]] (''like Golden Corral'')
* Chris likes to imagine his first time.
* Clyde says the first time is awful, Chris said it was because Clyde prematurely ejaculated
* Watch porn with naked women to cure your gay
* Guys sitting next to you = gay coming on to you
* Falsion has been in the chat room and is afraid he is gay
* A wild Snorlax appears

==Transcript==

===Waiting for Chris===
 '''Polly:''' I can't wait to hear Chris! I'm a huge fan!
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, goddamn these noodles are fantastic. Man, I wish I could eat like this everyday.
 '''Troll:''' Have you eaten the rice balls?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no. These are noodles. These are-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Fan-fucking-tastic.
 '''Clyde:''' Now they're all gone, it's fantastic, you know?
 '''Troll:''' Sweetangie is Chris. Or, we think so.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is him.
 '''Clyde:''' It's definitely not the real Chris.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm disappointed there's so many impostors out there. Kinda my fault, but, you know, if it weren't- ''[unintelligible]'' -hard to come by.
 '''Troll:''' His mic was working last time he was here, just fine.
 '''Troll:''' He usually capitalizes his words, like in every sentence.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is- I don't think this is him.
 '''Troll:''' Is it set to push to talk or something?
 '''Polly:''' Um...
 '''Troll:''' You better get us your email address Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah its push to talk. It's called push to talk. It's fantastic ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Troll:''' No, just have him set it to voice activity. It works so much better that way.
 '''Polly:''' Aww, he left.
 '''Jack''': You guys are fucking idiots.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other again]''
 '''Troll:''' You guys scared him off by being guys.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, you fucking jackasses. Nice going.
 '''Troll:''' Was that even the real...?
 '''Troll:''' Yes, that was the real Chris.
 '''Troll:''' He's too much of a pussy to talk.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, cause you scared him, or some- No, or he's too stupid to be.
 ''[Trolls Laugh]''

===Chris Arrives===
 '''Chris:''' ''[Chris arrives, with radio playing loudly]'' Hello.
 ''[Trolls all greet him]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, now-
 '''Troll:''' Why haven't you got your microphone working?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why my microphone [is] messed up.
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry, but we had an impostor here before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm registered. I've got myself registered now. So, uh, hopefully-
 '''Troll:''' That's probably why. It had to like, uh- calibrate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, I'm calibrated now.
 '''Clyde:''' So, Chris, have you seen Rabbichoso, it's fantastic.
 '''Chris:''' I don't give a crap about your stupid pencil sketch.
 ''[Audio cuts out]''
 '''Chris:''' I am not listening. I do not have to listen to ''you''.
 '''Clyde:''' Why, I'm not understanding [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Well for one thing,and i'll say it on here, you stole my sweetheart!
 ''[Cutout continues]''

===PandaHalo, Trip to Redmond and Animal Crossing===
 '''Chris:''' You broke her hymen!
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I know it's a terrible mistake, but I plan to make it up to her. I'm getting married and uh- I'm doing the things I should do.
 '''Chris:''' Oh and another thing, if she is really over there with you now, then put her on the mic. Please.
 '''Jack''': She's not- He never said-
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, she's very busy, OK. She's very busy.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Clyde:''' She's not over here right now. Okay? So lets drop it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, fine. Well could you tell her to please send me a message lettin' me know, for sure, so I can know- so I can know to-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' I'll let her know whatever you want, but it's her life. She doesn't have to send you a message. You failed her. You failed her.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' She and I were very close.
 '''Clyde:''' If you we're so close, then why didn't you go?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Because I had- Aw, hang on a second. How do I- oh, that's right. This thing. Right. Mmm. Hold on a sec. Oh yeah, because I did not have four to eight hundred dollars!
 '''Clyde:''' It doesn't cost that much to go cross-country man.
 '''Chris:''' Yes it does. I know, I saw it on an airport website. Where I was be- Where I was- recommended to me by Mr. Miyamoto.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, you can drive there. It's not that hard.
 '''Troll:''' What happened with that? I thought, um, didn't you have a deal with them or something? I heard a rumor that your characters were going to be in Animal Crossing.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they are in Animal Crossing. And I did- and I do- I did have a deal with them.
 '''Troll:''' What happened though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' I'd rather not say.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.

===Chris's Radio, Clyde and Criticism===
 '''Troll:''' Chris, why don't you turn down the TV? It's hard to hear you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]'' I do not have a TV turned on in here.
 '''Troll:''' I can hear it.
 '''Chris:''' I have a radio.
 '''Troll:''' I hear something in the background.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Burping throughout sentence]'' Well that's the- that would b- the radio. And it is not that loud.
 '''Troll:''' But it shows up pretty well on your microphone mic. With due respect.
 '''Chris:''' But still, my voice is louder than the radio.
 '''Troll:''' Ah goo- ahh given.
 '''Polly:''' Uh, Chris? Uh, when are you going to do the new Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something over Polly]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' Uh, I'll answer Polly's question. I'm not sure. It's, uh, it's in progress right now, I'm drawing it up.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I can't wait to read it!
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, we'll see.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Troll:''' Listen, Clyde kind of has admin on here, so we can't really do anything about him. So, yeah. I don't know.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Hard to hear over Chris's radio]'' ...with you guys. I love you guys. Just as much as Chris loves you guys. Right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I was angry. I was angry. But I'm calm now.
 '''Troll:''' Don't try to hurt any other person from now on.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have much- I do not have much to say in response to that right now. Because I'm ticked off.
 '''Troll:''' Don't let him get to you.
 '''Troll:''' You're no better than he is, if you give in.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris, I just wanted to let you know I'm a huge fan of the comics, and I'm glad you keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job, and just keep it up, alright man?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I appreciate the, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? The, the, uh- well, the encouraging words. Encouragement. I appreciate the encouragement. Well, there are things, uh- I- er- current events I do not appreciate. I appreciate the positive encouragement.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I can't really do anything. He took over the IRC channel. I used to be the owner. I mean Clyde. He's like taking over everything.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, it was because Panda gave it to me, you know. But anyway, I mean, you can't just listen to encouragement, you've got to listen to criticism, man. Criticisms are what make you better, you learn from your mistakes. You learn from mistakes.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Be right back guys, my wife is calling.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't- I don't- Tons of people don't like the Rabbichoso art style, but you know, I gotta improve on that. That's something I plan to improve on. There's a lot of criticism in the death of Sonichu, right?
 '''Chris:''' What? What did you just say?
 '''Clyde:''' There's a lot of criticism of Sonichu. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. For a moment there I thought you said something different.
 '''Clyde:''' What, what did you think I said? I'm just saying, there are people who like it and people who don't like it. You gotta start taking in those suggestions. You know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. So many things that will be improved upon. But, I just have to hear from Sarah herself that she really is going to be with you, Clyde. I have to hear it from herself. It's one thing to hear it from you and then it's- then on that note, it's just I find it very hard to believe. So I have to hear it from her.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I kinda think that Rabbichoso sucks. I mean, I think it could be funny, but it honestly looks like it's drawn by a kindergartener.
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Troll:''' I mean, Sonichu has evolved over the years. You can see that the art's getting better. Rabbichoso doesn't even look like something a beginner would do, honestly. I mean, ''[Interrupted]''
 '''Chris:''' A whole bunch of crap!
 ''[Everyone starts talking at once]''
 '''Polly:''' Also, Sonichu is in color.
 '''Clyde:''' I know, I accept his criticism. But you just called it crap! Now that's just rude.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have emotions going behind me- uh, behind that opinion.

===Cassie===
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, did you get my message.
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Clyde:''' Aren't you going to be the gentleman, then? Aren't you gonna be the gentleman?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I just want to ask you, Chris. I'm Cassie's friend. She- she's worried sick about you. Why haven't you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' I did email her! As a- I- I haven't gotten any re-plies from her. I have emailed her and I have instant messaged her on A.I.M. and Skype. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what's going on there.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' ...you emailed her.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' When was the last time you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll check.
 '''Polly:''' Um, Chris? I have a question. My fa- One of my favorite new characters is, um, Simonla, and like, I also like Zapina as well. Um, are they gonna have bigger parts in the series later on?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
 '''Polly:''' Um, I was wondering if Simonla and Zapina will either have bigger parts in the series later on.
 '''Chris:''' [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|Possibly]]. Possibly, but, uh, I can't say for sure. Oh, and, uh, to answer your question, uh- in answer to, uh, I believe, uh, Screwhead, who asked? It was about four days ago. About four days ago.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Yeah. Four days ago? Okay, I'll tell her to check it out.
 '''Chris:''' The last email I sent was about four days ago.
 '''Troll:''' She'll contact you in a while, though.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I'll tell her to check it out and- and thanks Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Mm.

===Bubbles's Pussy and Sex in the Comics===
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris? I have a question.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, my favorite character is Bubbles, I kinda liked the, uh, the thing she had going with Blake, where she was kind of keeping the relationship secret. I thought that was kinda clever. I was wondering, uh, she's a water-type, so does that mean that her vagina is always wet, or does she have to be aroused like a normal woman?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, aroused. That's applied for all the, uh, Rosechus there. And also, like, you know, she's not just a water-type, she's also- she's a water- and electric-type, like uh- oh, shoot- What's the name of that one? Originated from Gold-Silver-Crystal series, uh, evolves from Chinchou? Lanturn. And she has, uh, she has Volt Absorb ability.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, Chris, another question following Bubbles. Uh, her body is 90% water, and now this thing about the whole sexual intercourse- about it. Now, don't take this rude, and you don't need to answer me...
 '''Chris:''' No, that's fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...I totally respect your creative work. My wife actually got me into this, uh, show actually. So, what happens is- like, as you know, like, semens are like little fishes in themselves. Would that mean, I mean, would they actually have a route to fly into the egg, in theory, or do they just swim around her whole body, just forever just swimming around.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. The, uh, the internal or- the internal organs uh, for the Rosechus are pretty much the same thing, so I'd say pre- about, uh, as good chance as most any other mammal.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, so you mean she's able to control her density a little bit more. She- I understand now. She's able to control more her density from the 90% water. Okay. That pretty much answers it just perfectly. That's been bothering me at work. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I got another question, Chris, about this whole sexual thing. I mean, this is a children's comic, right? Why is there so much sex in it?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. It's called romance, and my- and my- if you'll notice throughout the comics my best pieces of artwork among which were those where dey were kissing and making out. Romantic moments.
 '''Clyde:''' There's a hidden page-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' And because- and because- and because of the tension from, uh, the trolls and Encyclopedia Dramatica, I just felt like doing that in protest against them.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, but childre-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' Yes but how is that really a protest? That, you know, you know, are, are you like referencing to the 60's when women burned their bras? That was in protes- That was feminism. Saying that they weren't slaves to men. Do you even understand the whole thing?
 ''[Multiple voices are heard at once]''
 '''Chris:''' Now, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about, I never really thought about that when I-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Chris]'' Then how is, stripping was, how was that protest-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Jack]'' It shows that they have vaginas and NOT dicks.
 '''Jack''' Well you know the dick thing was the fact that they were just, you know, mocking you. I think you went overboard with that.
 '''Chris:''' Well maybe I did. Maybe I did.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you did, because that seems kind of excessive, kind of-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' I don't think they would have even bothered to write about an article about you if you didn't just keep reacting like that.

===Chris justifies sex in a kids' comic===

 '''Troll:''' I have another question.
 '''Troll:''' The point some of us are trying to make is, if it's TV-Y7 that means there should really be no sex in it at all.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible over other people]''
 '''Chris:''' That's pretty much incorrect, I mean, uh, there's so many romantic anime that's TV-Y7, and they shoul- they have making out.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, a lot of things in Japan, Japan has stricter standards-not stricter, I mean looser guidelines than America. It's much different.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, I was just wondering what Bubbles, um, she has a, that water whirlwind attack, I was just curious if you had any plans to make-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Butting in]'' By the way, that was a Whirl- Whirlpool.
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, Whirlpool, sorry, sorry, Whirlpool, but do you have any plans to mix an, uh, Electric-type attack with that, since water conducts electricity, right? It could be a very powerful-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah, she did, she did an electric attack amongst the- the walls of that Whirlpool and she let out. In case you didn't know, there's a- little bits of lightning bolts among which-
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, I'm sor- I didn't notice that, I'm sorry, I'll go take another look. Thank you.
 '''Max?:''' Hey Chris-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max?:''' You make some pretty sweet Little Big Planet levels.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.

===Chris on Benadryl babysitting===

 '''Clyde:''' Oh, there's a message from Cogs on the side, it's about, uh, do women not have the right to vote already in CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' No, evry- Everybody, no matter what age, no matter what gender or race, everybody has the right to vote in CWCville. Even if they're black.
 '''Clyde:''' Then what's up with the "Votes for Women" thing, I was-
 '''Troll:''' Not just vote women, but- ''[interrupted]'' any other ethnicities, and gays?
 '''Troll:''' I don't understand-
 '''Chris:''' I did that- heard it in Mary Poppins.
 '''Jack:''' What? Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, man, Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Mary Poppins.
 '''Polly:''' I remember that movie.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, yeah, that movie.
 '''Chris:''' It's a classic. It's my favorite movie of all time.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that movie was, like, based in the 1900s.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still I- still I agreed with that message there-
 '''Clyde:''' Taken out of context, that makes it seem like CWCville's set in the 1960s.
 '''Jack:''' What message? That children should be given cough medicine so they'll go to sleep?
 '''Chris:''' ''What?''
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that's what women used to do back in- That's what mothers, friggin' nurses and stuff used to do to kids in the 1900s, is give children, like, you know, cough medicine.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Cause- cause the medicine- uh, correction, the medicine did not put them to sleep, there was a lullaby, not the cough medicine. They only had to take the cough medicine-
 '''Jack:''' No cough medicine-
 '''Chris:''' ...because it rained, before dere, and it was not, and it was to, uh-
 '''Jack:''' Rain means cough medicine doesn't have anything to do with each other. That's not how friggin' germs are spread, or colds are gotten. Colds are gotten through germs, not the rain.
 '''Troll:''' How is cough medicine any different from today's parents that just let their kids watch TV until they fall asleep? I mean, it's just as bad.
 '''Jack:''' Well- Cough medicine has a lot to do with the psychological effects of it. Obviously if you get- if you keep giving fre-
 '''Troll:''' Thanks, Samantha, that was delicious.
 '''Jack:''' What?
 '''Troll:''' It's my, uh, Samantha-
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, that's we're all saying, cause I've heard that there's a lot of different chemicals in cough medicine. You could pick up a ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' I don't even take cough medicine, because I'm not a pussy.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, so.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, I never put any references, I never did any references or plan any references to cough medicine or anything of that sort.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Well, Chris, Cassie says the last e-mail she got from you was on the 17th. How 'bout your being gay? Is that true?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' That wa- That was somebody had- That was Clyde hacking through my e-mail and spammed that to my contacts.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, I definitely did not do that-
 '''Jack:'''You're a scoundrel-
 '''Chris:''' -a slanderous lie.
 '''Clyde:''' I did not do that.
 '''Troll:''' Whoa-whoa-whoa. Wow. Well, thanks for that. She was worried that you were- that you don't like her.
 '''Jack:''' You're a scoundrel, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't do that. That was someone else.
 '''Polly:''' I was wondering, because I've heard other news too, I was really hoping that you weren't gay.
 '''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm straight.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I'll take your word for it.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. And, uh-
 '''Clyde:''' Cogs- Cogs got a way- she showed us that, okay? I mean, you only ''[unintelligible]''

===Chris's fail-riffic Spanish===

 '''Troll:''' So, Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, Screwhead's from Mexico. I heard you like Spanish, so.
 '''Troll:''' Hola, Chris.
 '''Troll:''' You know Spanish, right?
 '''Chris:''' Sí. Conoso Mexico. Tomé dos años ''[unclear]'' mi escuela secundaria. (Yes, I know Mexico. I took two years [in, possibly] my secondary school.)
 '''Troll:''' Has venido en Mexico? (Have you come to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Uh, lo siento? (Uh, I'm sorry?)
 '''Troll:''' Has estado en Mexico? (Have you been to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Estoy Mexico? No. (I am Mexico? No.)
 '''Troll:''' ''[slowly]'' Has estado, um, in Mexico. Has venir? (Have you been to Mexico? Have gone?)
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, no, I hav- no, no tengo pansars. ''[sic]'' (no, I don't have pansars (?))
 '''Troll:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think, uh, I think I meant to say- I'm pretty sure-
 '''Jack:''' Did you just say you don't wear pants?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, I was trying to say, ah, I don't have plans to go in Mexico at the moment.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Chris:''' That's what I understood what he was saying there.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, did you know that, that 4-cent garbage website is located in Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Jack:''' That's why-
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, that's why they can't get it shut down.
 '''Chris:''' Mm.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]'' borders, plus it's cheaper to run sites over there; they have, like, several servers.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. Cassie wanted to talk to you, but she couldn't make it here, well, and, she wants to be your Spanish teacher, because she says that you've got room to improve your Spanish.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, that Cassie. Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought you were- I got mixed up. Um... Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I, uh, I haven't talked to that- I haven't talked to Cassie in a while, but I've been mostly talking to, uh, her gal- her, uh, gal-pal and I'm sure- I'm sure she'd tell you a lot about her...

===In which the trolls discuss bar fights===

 '''Troll:''' Hey Chris, how- how does Sonichu keep Rosechu from spending more than a hundred dollars at the mall? I've always wondered how he could manage to do that. I've always had problems with that myself.
 '''Chris:''' That wa- That time at the mall, it was, uh, Kel loaned the credit card. And it's like, yeah- she gave- she gave Sonichu the responsibility of that credit card. She did.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I've always given my advice on cannabis, you should do the ''[unintelligible]'', Cogs Chris, but I think she wants your response.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, one of my friends sent me this picture, and I think you might find it kinda disturbing just because they say it's proof that you're gay.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, I saw that, that's just a crappy Photoshop.
 '''Jack:''' No, that one doesn't- this one doesn't look Photoshopped at all.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not gonna look at it.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you're not? Oh.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, uh, you say you're against smoking?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. As a matter of fact, CWCville is a smoke-free, non-alcoholic city.
 '''Jack:''' ''[partially drowned out]'' That's what we call a totalitarian state...
 '''Troll:''' Oh, and, uh, in the pilot episode with Seth MacFarlane, of, you know, Family Guy? He's always smoking. What do you think about that?
 '''Clyde:''' Go smoke.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I just- I just take that with a grain of salt, and, uh, you know, that's what-
 '''Troll:''' I mean, if he can smoke, why can't anyone else? I mean, it's-
 '''Chris:''' Because it causes cancer!
 '''Jack:''' So does a lot of things.
 '''Polly:''' It could be a prop pipe.
 '''Chris:''' In any case, I'm not- in any, in any case I've never done it and I never will.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, but eating too much fast food can give you a heart attack. I mean... so many things are deadly for you.
 '''Jack:''' What about fast food, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' My father used to smoke and he went through a whole bunch of heart attacks. He suffered three-
 '''Jack:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Well, I think that might have to do more with his weight.
 '''Chris:''' He suffered through three or four triple bypasses.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''Chris, I think that's... that's more like a weight issue.
 '''Chris:''' He has a pacemaker!
 '''Troll:'''Chris, eh...
 '''Troll:''' Hey ya guys, leave him alone. Ya know, my granddad, he smoked most of his life. He quit for 25 years and still died of lung cancer. I mean that's just the way it is. And your body never gets rid of it.
 '''Jack:''' Well yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:'''Chris, what about ''[pause]'' Chris, what about fast food? That's- that's bad for you.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey Chris. Chris, could you do me a favor and send an email to Cassie? She's very worried about you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Yeah sure, I'll send her an email later.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, thanks.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, I've got uh, a certain someone you know-
 '''Chris:''' No no.
 '''Clyde:''' -she has to, uh, she wants to ask you w-
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Also, she said something about some hair.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Yeah, that's uh... that's another issue right there. Um, hmmm. I'll talk to her about that.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, does, uh, drinking cause cancer?
 '''Chris:''' No, but it causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, bar fights, but—
 '''Chris:''' Bar fights!
 '''Jack:''' -but I don't think that bar fights are that big of a problem.
 '''Troll:''' I think bar fights are awesome.
 ''[People agree bar fights are awesome]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' But bar fights are bad. I got into a bar fight once and one of my hands got cut and two fingers from my left hand. Bar fights suck.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' Well, I think that might be more because you're Mexican. Are you sure you didn't lose them picking bo- picking grapes and- or something?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' No, Mexican people are more more- more much macho man; we get into bigger fights. We're more awesome.
 '''Jack:''' No- I think it might be because you got your hands stuck in some machinery when you were out picking in the vineyards.
 '''Troll:''' I don't know about you guys, but I like- I like having bar fights.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''

===Chris Crashes Due To Math===

 '''Clyde:''' You don't have to be drunk to be in a bar fight or in an automobile accident, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but they increase the likeliness of it.
 '''Clyde:''' You've been in an autobile— automobile accident, I mean, were you drunk?
 '''Chris:''' No, I was distracted.
 '''Jack:''' Uh, by what? I mean, it's kinda hard to be dist— you gotta be focused on driving man-
 '''Chris:''' I was doing math in my head.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, math in your—
 [Trolls talk over each other]
 '''Chris''': My mind got distracted by being its own calculator.
 '''Falsion''': Are you good at math?
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear]'' Is that for school?
 '''Jack''': Are you some kind of savant?
 '''Troll''': That's impossible.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Falsion:''' Guys, you're getting ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you like a mathematic genius or something?
 [pause]
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' You know some artist people have like superpowers in their head. They can do like geniuses and add really well. ''[interrupted briefly by Jack saying something else about savant]'' Chris you are already an artist. Do you have any like, magical powers?
 '''Troll''': Yeah, I heard autistic people are really good at math.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Well not all the stereo- some of that sounds like stereotypes.
 '''Troll:''' ''[talking over Chris]'' ...it has to do with mental ability; I mean, what's the...
 '''Chris''': I mean I don't know- I mean I'm not saying that I'm a total genius. I mean I know- I know enough to get by.
 '''Clyde:''' What's the highest level of math you've taken Chris?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' College level.
 '''Clyde:''' No I mean like algebra, or calculus or...?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I believe I just did trigonometry.
 '''Clyde:''' Very impressive.
 [long pause]
 '''Troll''': So I was wondering. When did you get the CAD degree? I figured it's like a fine arts degree or something? I mean wha-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I designed a whole- I designed buildings and machinery and such along there. I designed the whole CWCVille shopping center.
 '''Jack:''' Why don't you have a job then?
 '''Clyde:''' Your fans would love to see that Chris.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' -I mean use that to design like, actual buildings?
 '''Chris:''' I think I just told you i designed the CWCVille sho-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I don't mean in your comic. I'm just saying-
 ''[Audio cuts]''

===Clyde Isn't Popular And Chris Should Program===

 '''Chris''': Well it's a good st-
 '''Troll:''' Chris...
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Jack''': So I heard you got some nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'll be putting an update on da YouTube soon, but not right now.
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking maybe you could like, you know, get a degree in game design and make the Sonichu game?
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah man, it's not that hard to learn programming. C++ man.
 ''Falsion:''' Clyde, he hates you, why are you talking?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm just giving him some advice, I mean C++ is-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you here? We don't like you. You totally ruined Chris's life.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't ruin his life. He ruined his own life.
 '''Troll:''' Yes you did. You've ruined his life. You raped his girlfriend.
 ''[Everyone speaks at once over each other]''
 '''Clyde:'''If he was the man he said he was, he'd have gone to Nintendo, made all that money. How- how are you going to make money now Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Time will tell.
 ''[Everyone speaks again]''
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, time will tell Clyde.
 '''Clyde:'''''[unclear]'' -need a plan, you know?
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking uh, if- uh- would you be interested in getting a degree in game design. Making the game or something? Like if you had to?
 '''Chris''': Hm. Maybe but uh- I still have things to sort out in my real life.
 '''Troll''': Yeah it's kinda unfortunate what happened with the Nintendo thing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah- hang on a second, I'll be right back. Mm- ''[clattering]''
 '''Clyde:''' So be honest guys am I really that much of a bother. I mean...
 '''Jack''': Yeah you kind of are.
 '''Troll''': You're like a total dickfart.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll''': You realize weed causes cancer?
 '''Jack:'''Yeah.
 '''Troll''': I didn't know that.
 '''Jack:''' And it causes the munchies. You're gonna get fat, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' It's okay, man, because I work out.
 '''Jack:''' Do you play Guitar Hero standing up?
 '''Clyde:''' I play Guitar Hero while on the treadmill.
 '''Polly:'''Will the Sonichu game be a- ''[muffled]'' -or a Wii one?
 '''Jack:'''It be a Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Wii would like to play.
 '''Polly:''' Oh. I only got a DS.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, I heard you are very good at HTML. Why don't you make a HTML Sonichu game? That would be awesome.
 '''Troll:''' I don't think you can make a game in HTML.
 '''Chris:''' A- anyway I came back...
 '''Jack:''' Chris? How many courses did you have to take to get that degree in CAD?
 '''Troll:''' -pretty sure you can make a game in HTML-
 '''Chris:''' ''[speaking over]'' I'm took abo- took about two- took about two years to four years.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, if you can write HTML you can write C++, make your own games. Pretty simple man.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's something I'll consider.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde why are you talking to him? He hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm trying to give him some suggestions. I'm not insulting him, OK?
 '''Troll:''' HTML seems kinda outdated, so to speak.
 '''Chris:'''I learn- I took two HTML classes so at least I know how to do- at least I know the ins and outs when it comes to like, workin' on it in the raw data- in the notepad.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' So you don't use Dreamweaver?
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I also use Net- also use Netscape composer.
 ''[Someone starts singing 'Dreamweaver']''
 '''Troll''': I heard they went bankrupt or something.
 '''Chris''': I don't- I don- I don't listen to news because I don't care about bad news.
 '''Troll''': But that's not bad news that's just safety...
 ''[Talking over each other]''
 '''Jack''': Why you gotta bring this bad vibe in here?
 '''Troll:''' OK OK I'll chill, I'm sorry it's just my wife- ''[can't hear over Chris typing extremely loud]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris you don't hear about these ones in a while. Like yesterday some guy in my town got run over by a train and he- he died. And that's a really bad thing, you know but you have to hear about it.
 '''Jack''': Yeah but that's because you're Mexican. You Mexicans always play around the train tracks, what's with you?
 [pause]
 '''Clyde:''' No come on, don't be racist.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''It's because Mexicans are stupid. I'm surprised I can use a computer.
 '''Polly:''' ''[muffled]'' CrassCrab why do you have to be so mean?
 '''Jack:''' 'Cause my mother was raped by a Mexican. And I'm part Me- ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry man.
 '''Polly:''' That isn't fair to take it out on every other Mexican out there.
 '''Troll:''' His rule applied to millions. Just ignore him.
 '''Jack:''' No I'm not my mother was raped by Mexicans.
 '''Clyde:''' CrassCrab I'm tired of listening to you, get out of here.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Not all Mexicans are like that we- we- I am as Mexican guy. Not all Mexican guys are- ''[drowned out by typing]''
 '''Troll''': Don't get me started on them. But that will be another day. Cause I'm sick of hearing bad news.

===Chris Types Fast (And Hates Hex-Box)===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris what are you uh- typing there?
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm typing a email.
 '''Troll''': How many words can you type? How fast can you type? Sounding fast there.
 '''Chris''': Uhhh say about uh- sorta between thirty and a hundred.
 '''Clyde:''' That's quite a good range man.
 '''Troll:''' You're like "The Flash", minus the red jump-suit.
 '''Polly:''' Oh Chris um- I was wondering- ''[unclear]'' -would it be uh a Wii game or a DS game or both. I only own DS and I don't have any money for a Wii.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wii, DS and Pla- hopefully uh- possibly uh, PlayStation 2 or 3. Never on [[Hex_Box|Hex-Box]].
 '''Troll''': When you gonna do this shit?
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Why don't you like the Hex-Box? I mean I have an Xbox, I would love to play online with you.
 '''Troll:''' I'd like to say this. Before Chris says anything about that I just wanna say that today my wife came home from the mall shopping for her usual clothes, that Gucci purse I had to buy for her. You know what she came home with? I wanted a PS3 but you know what she gave me was a frickin' Xbox 360. The Elite one? ''[someone speaks over]'' I know, I kept telling her like "Honey this isn't what I wanted. I wanted the PlayStation 3 so I can play LittleBigPlanet, Metal Gear Solid and Sonic Unleashed"
 '''Chris:''' You can put Sonic Unleashed on the Hex Box as well as Wii.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Too whiny to make out]''
 '''Troll''': So Nintendo just- rejected your offer? Cause I- I heard a rumor that there was going to be a Sonichu game or something.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris uh. Cassie wants you to send her your Wii number so she can talk to you on the Wii.
 '''Chris''': Alright uhhhhh. I'll get- have to get my Wii number now.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Send it to her in an email please.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah they completely hate Sony. And they hate Microsoft as well. I mean this guy, Reggie? He always talks about kicking their ass and stuff. He's kinda crazy.
 '''Polly:''' I know. Reggie's very mean he never brought out ''[unclear]'' to America.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah i wanted to play that game.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talked over]'' -I'm tellin' you guys. Reggie's just a great ''[unclear]''
 '''Polly''': Like what?
 '''Clyde:''' I can- I can't say anything OK but... you'll see.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah so I don't think like if you got the deal with Nintendo I don't think they'd put it on like mu- like anything else but the Wii or DS. Yeah, cause that Reggie guy he frickin' hates Sony. And Microsoft.
 '''Jack:'''Wasn't he also the head of VH1?
 '''Polly:''' Or Pizza Hut.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. What are your favorite places to eat at?
 '''Polly:''' I remember um he ''[unclear]'' -but before that he was with Sega when Dreamcast was out.
 '''Chris:''' Yup. Let me type this email please. I mean y'all keep talking I'll just listen.
 '''Clyde:''' There's no reason to hate the Xbox. Let's be honest.
 [pause]
 '''Polly:''' Or um- Chris um- do you wanna release your game on Nintendo and on Sony. If you do talk to somebody like EA or something, you can like do um- multi-console thing like a (?) party thing.
 '''Chris:''' ''[busy typing]'' Hmm. Well it's all to think about.
 '''Polly''': I mean Sega does third party now so um-
 '''Chris''': Yeah well I'm gonna keep typing this email here. Y'all keep talking.
 ''[Sound of Chris typing]''
 '''Clyde:''' It's true, it's true.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Chris I wanted to tell you that Cassie's going to be here any- any second so you can talk to her.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hm. ''[continues typing]''
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Don't you care about her?
 '''Chris:'''''[annoyed]'' I'm typin' da email to her right now!
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Oh OK.
 '''Polly''': Yeah um 360 is pretty bad um- it red-rings all the time.
 '''Max?:'''I've had mine over two years. The same one. And it has not red-ringed yet.
 '''Jack:''' Dude you have to pay $50 just so you can play online.
 '''Chris:''' ''[echoing]'' Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Yeah it's bullshit.
 '''Chris''': Yeah it's totally free on PlayStation. And Wii.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris. Chris. No, no, no, no, I gotta talk about this. [long pause] Chris...
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I get less connection problems myself.
 '''Clyde:''' I can't let you get away with this Chris. You spent over $1000 on the PlayStation Network. OK? And you say you can't afford $50 for the Xbox? Terrible reason. That's a terrible reason.
 '''Polly:''' Also, um, Cogs I had a friend of mine whose red-ringed a lot of times. She did not like it at all. She got herself a PS3 instead.
 ''[Chris is STILL typing]''
 '''Jack:''' I heard that like- the PS triple eats up a lot of energy and like- has like- burned houses down. Cause it messes up the- no but the PS3 really-
 ''[More of Chris typing then audio cuts out]''
 '''Clyde:'''So when's the next comic coming out Chris?
 '''Chris''': I can't say. I don't have a date for it right now. I've been busy with the- with real life and such. You know getting the s- getting the website back up and all that.
 '''Polly''': Oh but I've been waiting so long.
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I gotta tell you something Chris. ''[unclear]'' -to the trolls but I haven't done anythin' myself. It's run off into splinter groups doin' stuff to you. Ever since the Panda thing, I haven't done anything to you man. Everybody's been running round doing things. I have no control anymore. So I'm back here. This is why I'm back here. Do you understand?
 '''Chris''': Yeah. I hear you.

===Nudes On YouTube===

 '''Max?:''' Chris.
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Max?:''' So I hear you got some uh- nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': What?
 '''Max?:'''Hear you got some nudes on YouTube.
 '''Chris:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Max?:''' NUDES!
 '''Chris''': That's what I thought- I have nothing na- I have nothing like that on the nu- on the YouTube. I've nothing like that.
 '''Troll:''' Oh someone posted the pics form the ED page.
 '''Chris''': They're just tryin' ta get on- they're just tryin' ta get on my nerves again. But I'm not gonna let 'em.
 '''Troll''': Did you take those pictures or what? Where'd they come from?
 '''Polly''': Uh, are they Photoshopped?
 '''Chris''': Yeah most of- Yes. Most of them are Photoshopped.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris I can help you with ED. Chris I can help you with ED.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Yeah.
 '''Troll''': You can see the neck and the body doesn't quite match up.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, Chris. Cassie's just arrived. She's a little nervous about talking to you, but she's gonna talk to you soon. Is that OK?
 '''Chris''': Yeah that's fine.
 '''Clyde:''' I just got one quick comment. The ED people were in contact with me, but I've lost contact with them. But I know you can delete that page permanently. I'm tryin' to help you man. You can get that page down forever. Even the entire site.
 '''Troll:''' What, after you raped uhm- Sarah?
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I'm trying to make amends. So let me do my business. All right?
 '''Troll:''' It's too late to make amends. Look what you did.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Troll:''' Um. Cogsdev said she had a look at the data, they have it up in Image editing software.
 '''Other Troll:''' Oh yeah. Well...
 '''Chris''': Well I don't know what to tell you there.
 ''[Several trolls speak at once]''
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Troll''': Doesn't that mean they're real?
 '''Chris''': No, I don't think so.
 '''Troll''': You don't think so?
 '''Other Troll''': Well, did you take them?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': Then where did those pictures come from?
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, who took those?
 '''Chris''': I don't know. And I'd rather not talk about that anymore. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
 '''Troll:''' Are you lying to your fans Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': We don't feel confort- we don't feel comfortable. We're big fans of your work and we don't like being lied to.
 '''Jack:''' I'd like to make a point. It might just be a doppelganger [sic].
 '''Clyde:'''Chris, you know the thing I hate most is lies. I like to spread the truth about you Chris.
 '''Troll''': You say you're honest, but you're lying to us.
 '''Chris:''' ''[clearly annoyed]'' Fine, fine. Some those pictures are real.
 '''Troll''': Some of them?
 '''Chris''': Some of them but not all of them.
 '''Jack''': Like, which ones aren't real?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'd rather not go into detail because I'd rather not look at 'em. Cause uh- ''[interrupted]''
 '''Troll:''' ''[unclear]'' -are you ashamed of it?
 '''Jack''': Do you not like to look in the mirror?
 '''Troll:'''You owe it- you owe it to your fans.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, but- yeah, but- yeah, but upon looking at those it's like ref- it's like reflecting a pe- uh p- a past moment in my life where I- I was played for the fool.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah, by the man in the pickle suit?
 '''Chris''': Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Oh that guy- I hate that guy.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah I saw- he was trolling some other people you know? So you're not alone, Chris.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he took pictures of me like that too...
 '''Chris''': Hmm.
 '''Troll''': That guy's an asshole, I hate him.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh yep.
 '''Troll''': He took pictures of my wife too. Sick bastard.
 '''Polly:''' ''[I think she says he is a peanut]''
 [pause]
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm sorry, what?
 [another pause]

===Chris Hates Harry===

 '''Chris:''' I just uh- never was fond of it. Ever since it came out, I was never fond of it. ''[unclear as troll speaks over]'' -just like I hate Harry Potter because he's s- he's goin- he's uh- in compe- was in competition against the world of Pokemon.
 '''Jack''': Well that- that doesn't make sense. But they're two different medias. Pokemon-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah but- yeah but still he-
 '''Jack''': -Harry Potter is a book.
 '''Chris''': Yeah but he poses as competition against them.
 '''Jack''': That's not really competition. I mean-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talks over Jack]'' Oh that reminds me about books- Vivi- Vivian wrote a book and sent it to you. You never read it.
 '''Chris:''' Yes. I am afraid I- yeah, yeah- I'm uh- I've been uh- so I've been under uh- too much stress between internet and all that. I'll ge- I'll read it, I'll read it.
 '''Clyde:''' She's been waiting for your response for quite a long time.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I like the cover.
 (pause)
 '''Chris''': Nice cover.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he is right about that. That is a nice cover.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah the book is pretty good- I read it.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Well I- I will definitely make it a point to uh- read it. Very soon.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Polly:''' ''[Audible over the others]'' Did you ever read Twilight?
 '''Chris:'''I've heard th- I've heard Twilight and I've seen the trailer but I haven't seen the movie, I'll wait for it to come out DVD or Blu-ray.
 [pause]

===Random Access Humor Python Style===

 '''Polly''': Oh OK, I heard a lot of girls like Twilight.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I see. Hey Polly does your voice sound like that, 'cause it sounds like [[BlueSpike|a guy talking falsetto]]. I mean no personal offense.
 '''Polly''': That's not very nice...
 '''Chris''': I'm sorry. Believe me I didn't mean any pe- anything personal it's just like, you know- hm- kind- just kinda takes me by surprise a bit, that's all.
 '''Troll''': I knew a girl like that in high school.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Sounding upset]'' I can't help it if I'm born like this.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I'm- I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.
 '''Troll''': Yeah she's a girl. I saw her pics. She's a girl.
 '''Chris''': Well I'll s- I'll take his word for it. I'm sorry I cu- I accused you there.
 '''Polly''': Um. OK.
 '''Chris:''' You know, aut- I mean- let's- it's just uh- you know it's uh- you know it's uh a bit- just a spot of fun. [[Random-access_humor|Stupid humor]]. Monty Python's Flying Circus.
 '''Clyde:''' We know you love that. There's just so many references to it in the comic.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I d- after they put all of the entire series on PlayStation Network I downloaded the Hamlet episode- that was the one that had uh- Jimmy Hill parodying himself. It also had this funny bit where it was like, you know- ''[in a stupid voice]'' "...and now it's time for The Robinsons, an everyday story about blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah. Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-duhhh-dum-de-dum"- and so on...
 ''[A troll begins to speak but is interrupted by a very high-pitched Chris]''
 '''Chris:''' "Morning Mrs. Robinson- Morning Mrs. Robinson. Comin' out shoppin'? Oh- you've been shoppin', what did you buy? What's this?-" 'What did you buy this for?'[Trolls laugh over him]'' -It was a bargain!"
 '''Troll:''' I've heard you do that before. I don't know where. Anyway uh- uhm- Whatever happened to Jimmy Hill?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I haven't heard from him in a long time so just assuming uh- he gave up or uh-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' I think he got a- I think he got a, uh- children's TV program in England.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well he ain't botherin' me, so I'm not worried about him anymore.
 '''Jack:''' Ye- but he's stealing Sonichu. Bastardizing it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah he did but uh- he s- but haven't seen any updates on his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' -profile, he's still doing it.
 ''[Several trolls talk over each other about him having a TV show]''

===Chris Fails At Spanish Pt. 2===

 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 ''[Troll says something more about the TV show, but it's muffled]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Cassie wants to say hi. Just forgive her English because she can't speak very well, okay?
 '''Chris:''' All right. Just sent her the email by the way, just now.
 '''Cassie:''' Hey, Chris. It's me, Cassie.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Cassie. How are you?
 '''Cassie:''' Fine, and you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm feelin' OK.
 '''Cassie:''' Why haven't you emailed me? I was really about-was really worried about you. What's happened?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I be- I've bee- I've been busy with the Internet and the stress and all that. I sent ya an email just now go- it's got my Wii number in it so you can add me to your contacts. I've been talking to uh- I've been talking to Sarah lot- quite a bit lately. She's been helping me with uh- updating the Sonichu site, since I've uh- since I'm working on uh- it's re-uploading and such.
 '''Cassie:''' Kay, I believe you. I going to check ''[pronounced like 'sheg']'' it, okay?
 '''Chris:''' You're going to where?
 '''Troll:''' ''[very quietly]'' Check it.
 '''Cassie''': To check it.
 '''Chris''': To "shag-it"? Is that the-
 '''Cassie''': Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' ''[still doesn't understand]'' Oh.
 '''Cassie:''' I going to check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Troll:''' Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, check email. ''[Laughs]'' Yeah I'm sorry I tr- I tried to uh- understand but it just kind of messed up a little bit.
 '''Jack''': Why don- why don't you two speak in Spanish?
 '''Chris''': Uhhh. I'm not exactly fluent.
 '''Cassie:''' ¿Sabes hablar español, Chris? (Do you know how to speak Spanish?)
 '''Chris:''' Sí, hablo español. (Yes, I speak Spanish)
 '''Cassie:''' Oh. ''[pause, one of the trolls says something to her]'' Oh, eso es muy sexy. (That is very sexy.)
 '''Chris''': Ohhhh. Te gusta. Te gusta muchísimo, (You like it. You like it a lot)
 '''Cassie''': La verdad, si. (To tell you the truth, yes)
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Me amos mis amigas muchísimas. Sons muy bueñas! (I love my friends (feminine) a lot. They are very good.) [Correction: Amo a mis amigas muchísimo. Son muy buenas.]
 '''Cassie''':Oh, eso es tan cool en español! Muy bueno! (That's so cool in Spanish! Very good)
 '''Chris''': Muy bueño (very good)
 '''Cassie''': Aha, exacto. (it is!)
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]'' Okay, that's good.
 '''Cassie''': Well, I going down, okay?
 '''Chris''': Okay, you're going down- by the way, let me ask ya Cassie, do you ever- you've uh- you've actually met uh Sarah May in person, haven't you?
 '''Cassie''': Not. She's on Internet.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Okay. That's cool- but anyway uh- you got- you d- you have my Wii number, uh- you can reply the email with your Wii number and it'll be registered on the Wii network.
 '''Cassie:''' ''[very haltingly]'' Yes. So. Cool. Talk with you Chris. You are so cool.
 '''Chris:''' Heh. Uhhhh. You flatter me. Tú me flatteray. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Cassie:''' ''[Weak laugh]'' Well, see you.
 '''Chris:''' Adiós.
 '''Cassie:''' Adiós.
 '''Chris:''' ''[In his 'baby voice']'' Adiós. ''[sigh]''
 '''Cassie:''' Adiós, bebé.
 '''Chris:''' Adiós, chiquita bonita. ''[Laughs]''
 [Pause as audio cuts out]
 '''Chris:''' -it again.
 [Another pause]
 '''Clyde:''' So anyway, Chris. I've been working on Rabbichoso for a day and uh- I was just wonderin' like, it's- it's supposed to compete with the Sonichu, you know? If you weren't aware of that.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh. I grabbed onto d- grabbed onto g I- grabbed onto the... that gist. I'm aware- I'm aware of the gist of the theory. Uh. I'm aw- I'm aware that you're- that you're tryin' to compete.
 '''Clyde:''' You know what competition does. It's drives uh- it drives consumer interest- Well that's why you know- It's great. You have to compete with high quality things. ''[muffled]''- that's why I'm trying to help. You know, compete. Just so you're aware of this, OK?
 '''Chris''': I see. -see.
 [Pause]

===Rabbichoso And Animu===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris we've been ge- been getting uh threatening images from the Pickle Man. Did you s- did you see the left?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I've not heard from the Pickle Man in lo- in a long time.
 '''Troll''': Apparently there are multiple ones because this one is, uh, not a darkie.
 '''Chris''': Uh-huh.
 '''Troll''': It's good that they're leaving you alone now.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Jack''': Seems like they found more easier targets. Seeing as how you became [[Navy|saltier]].
 '''Chris''': Uh. You know I originally got that line- quote from an e- ep- episode of ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': From what?
 '''Chris''': ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': Oh, ExCel Saga. Oh, yeah, that's a good anime.
 '''Chris''': AIII I-Falazzo! (''He means [[ScotPalazzo|Il-Palazzo]]'')
 '''Troll:''' Uh, have you ever seen two animes, ''[muffled]'' and Schooldays?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I have not seen either of those. I like Steel Angel Kurumi as well.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris, how much Japanese do you know?
 '''Chris''': Only a little bit. I'm not totally fluent. I can say that with all honesty.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something unintelligible, not quite Japanese]''
 '''Chris''': Huh?
 '''Clyde:''' Never mind, you won't understand it.
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear] Chris-Chan. Genki desu-ka?''

===Chris Could Kill Clyde===

 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, I just wanted to say, uh, you're doing a good job, like, keeping calm even though Clyde is here. I mean u- I thought you'd be, like, more angry at him.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm being calm with you guys.
 '''Troll''': -I would have been choking him by now.
 '''Other Troll''': I'd have kicked his ass.
 '''Chris''': Preach to the choir. Pr-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I'd make him choke on a pickle if it were up to me.
 '''Clyde:''' You guys can't touch me otherwise I'd kick all your asses. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, bring it.
 '''Troll:''' Chris could kick Clyde's ass anytime.
 '''Clyde:''' Let's see Chris do it.
 '''Chris''': Bring it to me any day of the week and I'll definitely show him a hard- day's night.
 '''Troll''': Yeah I think you could kick his ass.
 [Trolls and Clyde talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' ''[Sings]'' -been a hard day's night...
 '''Clyde:''' -never mind, just...
 '''Chris''': I mean that as a- meant that as in I would beat... him up.
 '''Troll''': Kick his ass?
 '''Chris''': I'm very strong.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. I'm gonna see you later, OK?
 ''[Unison of goodbyes]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' OK see ya. Thank you so much Chris.
 '''Chris:''' ''[ignoring his fans]'' Yeah I can- I can lift about my weight.
 '''Troll:''' Like um- if Clyde were right in front of you, what would you do to him?
 '''Clyde:''' Like, what kind of style of fighting do you have?
 '''Troll:''' Hey, shut up.
 '''Clyde:''' I gotta know my competition.
 '''Chris:''' Personal- in the physical offense. ''[sigh]'' I would definitely be giving you so much physical pain.
 '''Clyde:''' That's not a s- that's not a style.
 '''Chris''': I would beat you up.
 '''Troll''': He deserves it man.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, that's still not a style...
 '''Jack:''' He uses fisticuffs. He's a gentleman. Gentleman fisticuffs.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever, I'll just see-
 '''Troll''': Stop arguing and just-
 '''Other Troll:''' ''[Over previous troll]'' I mean, if he did that to my sweetheart I'd fucking kill him.
 '''Clyde:''' Well. He's not- he's not going to come over and kill me, I know that. He doesn't have the money. [pause] You know I'm surprised that you're mad here. You're much kinder in person I thought you- Now I'm just expecting you at my door anytime, just waiting for you to stand here with an axe or something.
 '''Chris:''' Knives are too messy.
 '''Clyde:''' Ah, now a sword- sword's are usually better.
 '''Troll:''' What about poison?
 '''Clyde:''' Poison's good, poison's good.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde, what- do you want him to beat your ass?
 '''Clyde:''' No I was just expecting it, you know.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, you know what's another thing? I would definitely not tell you how I would be hurting you, but I would definitely give you a who- big amount of pain.
 '''Troll''': Oh, he's gonna keep you guessin'!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he deserves it. After everything he's done-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Muffled by troll]'' -going to kill me, I'd like to know.
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I'm just going to let you cover in- worry.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh so you're never going to show up, it's-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Oh yes I will show up. But you just won't be expecting it.
 '''Clyde:''' You don't even know where I live, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Find out!
 '''Clyde:''' Maybe I should give you my address.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, you should track him down and kick his ass.
 '''Clyde:''' But I'm going to leave you guessing too...
 '''Troll:''' Defend Panda's h- Panda's honor.
 '''Other Troll:''' Hey Julie.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, hi Julie.
 '''Clyde:''' 'sup Julie.
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Hey Julie.
 ''[Everyone talks over each other]''

===Clyde's A Dick===

 '''Chris''': Yeah I notice her mic doesn't work. But still I'm just letting her know that- acknowledge her presence.
 '''Troll:''' You're doing well staying calm even though Clyde's here.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, Clyde's a total dick.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Troll''': Fucker.
 ''[Rustling]''
 '''Troll''': I mean, he's taken over everything. The IRC. This. I can't- no one can stop him.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]'' -over there, so...
 '''Female Troll''': I- I like Rabbichoso.
 '''Clyde:''' Of course you do. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Female Troll''': It's funny.
 '''Chris''': I will not offer any new comment on it.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, OK.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, when can we expect the next Sonichu to be released.
 '''Troll''': Yeah, we've been eager.
 '''Chris''': It'll be soon. It will be soon.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah just ignore Clyde man.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean if you're going to put a hard date on it, you'd better deliver your promise. If you don't, I'll strike harder. That's all I'm saying.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. You're saying if I don't set a date, you're gonna...
 '''Clyde:''' No, no. I'm saying don't make promises you can't keep. Don't make promises you can't keep.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll''': He'll choke you with his medallion bitch!
 ''' Other Troll''': Yeah, who the hell do you think you are?
 '''Clyde:''' I agree with Cogs over there. Maybe you should do just a page a day, not release all at once. Keep his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you telling him this when he hates you?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm giving him suggestions man, OK? OK?
 '''Troll''': Only thing he's gonna suggest to you is 'shut the fuck up'!
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, seriously man.
 '''Chris''': It's alright.
 (pause)
 '''Troll:''' Penny Arcade's slow.
 '''Polly:''' Oh you mean like Penny Arcade or ''[unclear]'' or MegaTokyo?
 '''Troll''': Yeah they're just like- boring. Then they because sellouts.

===Chris's Country Cookin===

 '''Other Troll:''' Chris, where's your favorite place to eat?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. Can't really say uh- but I like country cookin'.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah?
 '''Other Troll''': What's country cooking?
 '''Chris''': Uh no G's in the sto- no G's in the name by the way, no G.
 '''Troll''': Yeah what's country cooking? I'm not familiar with that.
 '''Chris:''' It's like uh- som- something like Golden Corral.
 '''Jack:''' But Golden Corral is a national franchise.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Polly:''' Uh Chris, how are your parents?
 '''Chris:''' They're OK.
 '''Polly:''' Oh OK.
 [Long pause]

===Sex Is Shit===

 '''Clyde:''' Chris I've got a sug- another suggestion. Now be quiet all of you cause I know you hate me. Just-
 '''Troll:''' No, Chris hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' Well don't defend him. He can defend himself OK? He's a man. But whatever-
 '''Chris:''' Let him speak.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm suggesting that- you go on and on about this sex stuff but you've never gotten laid, have you?
 '''Chris:''' I like to put myself in the imaginative situation that I'd like to be in and the sexual stimulation. So I can be ready for [[ego|myself]] for when I do actually have my first time.
 '''Clyde:''' Well my first time was- I'll just say that it's terrible, OK? I didn't know what I was doing, she didn't know-
 '''Chris:''' Let me guess, you prematurely ejaculated?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no, it's not like that you don't know what to do. Every woman's told me OK? You can't prepare-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Clyde]'' First time's always awkward...
 '''Clyde:''' -I learnt that mistake a while back, OK whatever. OK, you just- you can't prepare for your first time. You might as well just have a really bad first time so you learn from your mistakes.
 '''Troll:''' I'm not trying to defend Clyde or anything, but yeah it's kinda true.
 '''Clyde:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll:''' The girl I first fell in love with is the girl I'm married to right now. Samantha just changed my world. But marriage does get boring.

===Chris's Tips To STAY STRAIGHT===

 '''Troll:''' Chris, I know how you say how important it is to stay straight, um- I'm having trouble staying straight, do you have any suggestions?
 '''Chris''': Watch a bunch of pornography with uh- with naked women. OK, a lot of naked women.
 '''Troll''': That happened to me one time...
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, I have this friend I play video games with, is that gay? He's male by the way.
 '''Chris''': Sorry could you- I'm sorry could you repeat that?
 '''Falsion''': I have this guy I'm friends with he always comes over to my house to play video games. Is that gay? I'm kinda scared. You know? I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Hmm. Is he making any advances towards you? Personally.
 '''Falsion''': I dunno how to tell.
 '''Chris''': Like uh sit- does he always sit next to you when he's playing games. Playing video games.
 '''Falsion''': Yeah he usually does.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I see. Hmm. My- well- my suggestion in that case, would be to keep a heavy distance between you and that guy.
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he meant anything gay by it though.
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he means anything like- gay about it.
 '''Chris''': Well, still- it's always best to find out- you can ask him. Don't be afraid to ask him.
 '''Falsion''': What would you do in this situation?
 '''Chris''': Well if he said yes then I would uh- basically- let me think about that a moment.
 '''Falsion''': Do you have any friends who're are like, guys?
 '''Chris''': Only acquaintances and only a few of them.
 '''Falsion''': Do you play video games with people or anything? Do they come over to your house?
 '''Chris:''' No. No.
 '''Polly:''' Um, I remember-
 '''Falsion:''' ''[Cuts Polly off]'' I'm just worried I might be gay or something. I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Jack:''' You probably are Falsion, but that's OK. No, look dude.
 '''Chris''': Leave him alone! Leave him alone! He's straight!
 '''Jack''': Why?
 '''Troll''': Hey, let's have a calm conversation here. Let's not have any fights.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah.
 ''[Trolls speak over each other]''
 '''Troll''': I've been reading the Sonichu comics and man, they are page-turners! Seri- I was on- I was on the edge of my seat for a while. I ju- I couldn't- I couldn't- you know. Just had to read and read.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Thank you.
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, can I be your friend? I know I'm a guy. I don't mean anything gay by it. Can I be your friend?
 '''Chris''': Mm. I dunno.

===A Wild Snorlax Appears===

 '''Barbara:''' Do you want any hotdogs?
 '''Chris''': No, I'm OK.
 '''Falsion''': No?
 '''Chris''': I was talking with my mother.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I was wondering if I could be your friend.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Mmm.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I h- heard you only like, you only like to be acquaintances. With guys.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, ummm. Let's just pretty much leave it at acquaintance.
 '''Jack:''' Hello Mrs. Chandler.
 '''Chris''': She can't hear you, I'm wearing my earphones.
 '''Falsion''': Listen, I'm not gay. I don't- you know- yeah. Nevermind.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I mean- I mea- I-
 '''Clyde:''' What do you have against gay people? I'm serious to hear this.
 '''Chris:''' It's just unnatural and it's against God's will.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, it's not like it's a choice. You can't change who you are like- you're a creative guy but I mean they're just gay. They can't change that.
 '''Chris:''' I'm just answering a few questions mother.
 '''Barbara:''' You don't have to answer. Nobody's payin' you to do that.
 '''Jack''': Yes they are.
 ''[shuffling sounds, clanging]''
 '''Barbara:''' It ain't none of their business no-way.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Barbara:''' I wouldn't be asked questions like that by employers or anybody. Don't tell people what you d- what you think. Keep that to yourself.
 '''Troll:''' Chris what's hap- what's happening?
 '''Chris:''' Well, obviously, my mother is offering her input.
 '''Jack:''' Tell her you're just talking to some friends.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[muffled]'' I don't need no back talk from somebody on the other end of the phone.
 '''Chris:''' I hear you, Mom. Hmm. Hmm.
 ''[scraping sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' These- these idiots don't have any brains or- they don't have any idea this way or that.
 ''[more banging, clanging and tumbling sounds. Sounds like washing up]''
 '''Troll:''' Is right now a bad time right now? I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Pixelblocks, Pixelblocks!
 '''Jack:''' Someone's saying "Pixelblocks."
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you saying [[Pixelblocks]]?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]''
 ''[Chris's mom has been singing]''
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful singing voice, Chris.
 [Audio cuts]
 '''Barbara:''' ''[Audio cuts back in]'' -all the anxiety, causing you stress.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well sometimes they don't; they can be peaceful.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, your mom and dad get the crappy end of the stick.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a lot of us do.
 ''[more clattering sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' Yeah, just like this nasty mess over here that you guys left that I got to clean up.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. ''[Audio cuts]'' -Yeah, I took care of my bills. I mean, not completely, but I took care of them.
 '''Troll:''' What about going to, uh, Redmond?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:'''We! (Wii?)
 [unintelligible, windows beeps]
 '''Troll:''' ''[laughing]'' Yeah, sweetheart pool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Mmhmm. ''[laughing]'' Like the other side of the pillow.
 ''[someone sighing. Clanging noises return after short absence]''
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]'' ...is all, I mean, living with your parents is okay bad-in today's bad economy, but at 26, come on.
 '''Troll:''' Shut up, you.
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I'm being nice.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde isn't so bad a guy. He does bad things, but he's pretty cool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah he's reformed. He's seen the error- Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' How- how could he do that to Sarah? I mean- That's not right.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah. Well, that's like Luke... That's like Luke and Laura from General Hospital. I know that's like, before y'all's time, but, um... Luke was a rapist and she-he raped Laura and then, like, a few months later they get married. So... ''[Laughs]''
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, I believe Clyde was trying to make amends from his past actions.
 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, but Chris, can you uh- can you forgive him?
 '''Random Troll:''' ''[whispering]'' White whale, holy grail!
 '''Troll:''' Can you forgive a small-dicked Asian? Just a thought.
 '''Jack:''' He's not Asian!
 '''Clyde:''' I'm half-Asian, okay? My parents ''[unclear]'' I don't really wanna go into it. It's too bo-boring for you people. But this is why I ''[unclear]''.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you there? Just makin' sure, buddy.
 ''[clattering]''
 '''Troll''': Move out.
 '''Another Troll''': Well, how do I do that?
 '''Troll''': What?
 '''Chris:''' Hi there, my kitty. ''[In baby voice]'' Yes, there's a pretty kitty.
 ''[Someone speaking with a voice-synth]''
 '''Troll:''' Hang on a second. I've got, like, a thousand different... Oh, Crass, why'd you do that?
 '''Jack''': Because. You can unban him but, yeah. I'm not gonna friggin' stand for that.
 ''[Sound of a vacuum cleaner]''
 '''Jack''': I (m j d?) do that.
 '''Troll''': I heard the "g" word.
 '''Polly''': Um, is that a vacuum cleaner?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Yeah, sounds like it is.
 [Trolls speak but are drowned out by vacuum]''
 '''Clyde:''' ...room or something.
 '''Polly:''' I think the vacuum cleaner...
 '''Clyde:''' If that's the government trying to do some kind of thing, then my name's Rusty Shackleford.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.
 '''Polly''': Oh, okay.
 '''Troll''': That's a loud fan.
 '''Other Troll''': I have a fan above my stove, too.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Hey... I do, too.
 '''Clyde:''' Wait- wha- wait. You-you-you're in the kitchen?
 '''Troll''': Me too.
 ''[possibly Sonic game sound effects]''
 '''Max:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Mmhm? Mm.
 '''Max:''' I'm pretty sure it's already asked, but I didn't catch the answer. When can we expect the next Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' I-I-I told you my suggestion of releasing a page a day or something. I mean, it's a pretty good one. It-it-it allows for a good time. Finish a page a day. You upload it. You know? It's very good. Works very well.
 ''[Barbara singing]''
 '''Polly:''' Uh. I mean- you guys keep asking when he's going to finish it but I wonder how many pages are going to be in the new one?
 '''Clyde:''' The last one was like, thirty. Just release it over the span of a month. Works fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...go up to ninety thousand...
 '''Clyde:''' ''[mutters something]''
 ''[Sound of Barbara singing]''
 '''Barbara:''' Down by the river...side.
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful voice, Chris.
 ''[clattering, typing]''
 '''Barbara:''' ''[unclear, repeating the same two phrases]'' Gone down by the river, down by the water side, down by the riverside. Down by the waterside. Down by the riverside.
 '''Polly:''' I remember ''[unclear]''
 ''[Audio cuts]''
 '''Troll:''' -I'm hungry myself.
 ''[some kind of alarm sounding]''
 '''Max:''' Then go eat.
 '''Troll:''' No, you.
 '''Max:''' I already ate.

===Anime And Shit===

 '''Polly:''' I wonder what anime Chris watches nowadays. There's not many on television but do you still watch Japanese cartoons?
 '''Troll:''' ''[In a bad accent]'' Kawaii desu ne.
 '''Other Troll:''' I want to watch Shuffle. He said it was very good. He said it was sad. I don't know if I wanna watch- I don't like sad stuff. I like to be happy when I watch anime.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, and um, do you watch stuff like Bleach and um Code Geass or Naruto or something?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Other Troll:''' I'm glad to hear that Shuffle isn't sad. I'm definitely going to watch it sometime.
 '''Troll:''' Um, yeah Chris that was a good call on Naruto.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah there's a lot of people who don't like it much either. Too popular.
 '''Troll:''' But please. Please. Hope. ''[audio cuts out briefly]'' Uh, Chris, please consider When They Cry.
 '''Other Troll''': Ooh, I saw that one. It was a really good series.
 '''Troll''': Oh, I know; that was good, like-
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah. Both seasons of it.
 ''[Windows beeps, voices overlapping]''
 '''Troll:''' I could link you to Season One if you want. Yeah, Samantha got me into that.
 '''Other Troll:'''...you'll give it a try, Chris. It's a very, very good series.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Hm. Hey, Julie. How are you?
 '''Other Troll:''' ...lots of ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': Watch Shuffle. You got the six episodes of Shuffle or... Which o- which anime? I'm sorry.
 '''Troll''': Oh and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is also cool.
 '''Polly:''' I really liked JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Very ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Za warudo!
 '''Troll:''' Oh yeah, I think Shuffle is quite all right. I like Heidi. She's sweet and loyal.
 '''Other Troll:''' That's a good one. One of my favorites is Black Lagoon.
 '''Polly:''' Um, is that the one with the blue girl?
 ''[Trolls talk over each other about different anime]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, uh, Chris can I, my, uh, I don't know if it's all right, but, like, could you like, give me an email sometime? I could, uh... recommend you to... this anime that... Polly and... Julie like to watch. They're quite- they... Oh, C-and Cogs has recommended such great anime.
 '''Chris:''' ''[talking to his mother]'' Yeah? That's ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': As well as Julie-Julie's the person that got me into anime.

===People Love Poketunes===

 '''Chris:''' -we can go into this later cause I got my headphones on. And, Mom, you know what something else? They liked your singing.
 '''Barbara:''' What? I don't sing.
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' That's my laugh; that's my laugh. They couldn't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' They heard you. Singin'. Just now.
 '''Barbara:''' I can't sing!
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' I'm tone deaf.
 '''Chris:''' They just heard you singing, and liked your voice.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay. Did you write checks for all those bills and pack everything ''[unclear]''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yes, Mother, I did.
 '''Barbara:''' You're not telling me no story?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not telling you no story.
 '''Barbara:''' OK. It's important [''inaudible''] did you pay them?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I paid that one.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay, you have to be honest with me, 'cause, see, you're settin'...
 '''Chris:''' I'm being honest, I'm being honest.
 '''Barbara:''' How you respond to what [we] talk about. You say you ought to something and you don't do it then that's gonna change my ideas ''[unclear]''.
 '''Chris:''' Okay... I'll be sure to pay the remaining differences next month.
 '''Barbara:''' No, this month.
 '''Chris:''' I know but I couldn't pay them all with 90 dollars so there's still some left ''[sound cuts]'' ...oh, you're cooking them up here, okay, that's why you turned the fan on over the stove.
 [Audio cuts]
 ''[Trolls rejoice and mock Momma Chandler]''

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 1|Mumble Chat 1]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]|}}

==See also==
*[[Spanish]]
==Links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?mtnztmniomk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Son-Chu

2010-12-25T16:05:00Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Bumper stickers */ Semi-colon usage for "however"

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''' aka '''The Shitbox''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple "disconcerting" issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[Sonichu Special 4|aggravated]] [[June062010.MOV|assault]]. The DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersville department.

Members of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding on more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref name="Mumble 10">[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref name="Mumble 10"/>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a three-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to ''[[Transformers]]'', he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia, Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], Escortin' Car."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other ''Transformers'' rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high-functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family has kept the permit so long because their [[fat]], lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high-functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers, along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]
The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]", thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading "UN4EVR" (apparently a support for the U.N.) and "IB MR C" ("I be Mr. C," as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named "B WESTON" (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world views, and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu Window Static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old Tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both Sonic and Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the ''Sonichu'' title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears CD's]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "Autism. Work For A Cure." - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world.
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for [[The GAMe PLACe]]. We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place; however, the American flag has been removed and replaced with a Jesus fish, a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me!" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed-in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil Change due 4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's absurdly overdue oil change.]]
Given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]], it's unlikely the family takes any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at Son-Chu's performance was in the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car is stopped at a traffic light or parked somewhere, the engine rattles loudly; this is likely caused by bent U-joints (meaning Chris/Barbara probably hit a curb at some point) connecting the drive shaft to the engine and transmission, and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]], a U-joint replacement would put him over budget. A Pennzoil sticker on the windshield states that the next recommended oil change was to take place on the fifth of April 2009, over a year before the video was recorded; we also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it. At this point, it's a toss-up as to whether the car or [[Robert Chandler|Bob]] will go first.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. "[[Honor roll]]" my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3|Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|Post-Beta
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|Transformed version.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Car Pranks]]
* [[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Cosplaying

2010-12-25T07:09:35Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Semi-colon usage for "however"

[[File:0658-ANIME513.JPG|thumb|Chris dressed as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his mary-sue counterpart]] in [[2005]].]]

'''Cosplay''', short for "'''costume play'''", is a type of performance art in which a person dresses up as a character or idea. The practice is commonly seen in the [[anime]] fandom, but can also be seen in other fan realms such as [[video games]] and [[Captain's log|Star Trek]]. [[Chris]] was first seen in cosplay attire with the famous [[Pokémon|Ash Ketchum]] costume. Any attempts at cosplay are usually rare; however, a major wave of cosplaying by Chris, presumably to impress/amuse [[Jackie]], appeared in the late [[2010]].

It should be noted that the costumes are created at his home using construction paper, markers, paints, and anything else he can purchase in the craft section of a [[Wal-Mart]]. They are crude interpretations of the original image he is attempting to portray and most seem put together quickly and with little effort. Most of the costumes barely resemble the characters Chris is trying to mimic. The only costume he appeared to put any effort into was his [[Sonichu]] form, in which he painted his face and body along with constructing a few minor details to make the look complete. This shows a complete lack of interest in actual cosplay itself unless it is depicting one of his creations or deep interests.

==Ash Ketchum cosplay==
[[Image:0503-CWCAsh4.jpg|thumb|left|[[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Pimp mah riiide!]]]]
[[Image:502-CWCsAshVest.JPG|thumb|That hat is pretty goddamn dirty]]

Chris appeared in his [[Wikipedia:Ash Ketchum|Ash Ketchum]] costume from around [[2000]] to [[2004]]. It was originally <s>created</s> purchased or made by [[Snorlax]] as a Halloween costume in either [[1998]] or [[1999]].<ref name="ReferenceA">[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref> He proudly wore it to [[The GAMe PLACe]] every week<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> and to the [[2004]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention. With it, he won a costume contest against five kids dressed up as [[Wikipedia:Team Rocket|Team Rocket]]. The prize was a T-shirt.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|Television footage]] of Chris playing [[card games]] with little kids while dressed as Ash was also featured on his [[DVD]].

For a while, Chris resurrected this look for his profile picture on [[The Hook Cafe]] and eventually evolved into the [[Chris and fashion#The "Gay Trucker" outfit|Gay Trucker]].

The Ketchum-style trainer outfit consists of:
* Faux-denim vest
* Cut up gardening gloves
* ''Pokémon League'' ballcap
* Fanny-pack (Also known as a 'belly-bag' and a 'bum-bag' to Britfags)

The ensemble was usually accompanied by a yellow ''[[Pokémon]]'' T-shirt, or white ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'' tee-shirt underneath (see gallery below). Chris can no longer wear this costume due to his [[obesity|obscene girth]]. Nevertheless, it remains as his best cosplay yet, and the only one that helped him win anything.

{{clear}}
<center><gallery>
Image:0501-CWCAsh2.jpg|
Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|HOT ROD 138, I c-ch-choose you~!
Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Jackie and cosplay==

{{quote|At least I am doing this and I have myself a woman, so there. So she'll appreciate this very much. She appreciates almo- everything I do for her. Especially these videos.|Chris}}

[[File:ChrisChanCosplayMR.jpg|thumb|The master costumer at work]]

On 16 [[September 2010]] Chris uploaded a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|video of himself depicting Mr. Popo]] from the ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'' series, stating that the cosplay and song was for his girlfriend. At the end of the video we learned that it was indeed for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]]. At first this seemed like a typical Chris move to impress a girl in the possible hopes of getting [[china]]. Apparently, either by Jackie urging him to do more or by Chris noticing that his [[sweetheart]] found amusement in his costume play, this was only the beginning.

We wouldn't again see Chris's efforts to amuse his beloved until 2 [[October 2010]] when Chris releases the video [[I like Mary Poppins]]. Though simplistic and crude, the idea that Chris is trying to portray is indeed a form of cosplay. This was just a tiny hint of what was to come the following day when Chris uploads a video attempting to be [[100 2265|The Hamburglar]]. In this video he prances around insanely yelling "Robble robble robble" repeatedly in a quickly put together costume. Several other videos followed of Chris depicting everything from famous [[music]]ians to [[trolls]]. Not until the [[ECV 00002|Sonichu Transformation video]] would we be officially told, by his own mouth, that Chris was doing this for Jackie's amusement.<ref>[[ECV 00002|Sonichu Transformation video]], section 2</ref> Though it may just seem like speculation, it seems that any cosplay video starting from the original Mr Popo was influenced by Jackie in some way.

Most of his costumes during this period were made haphazardly and probably with whatever Chris had laying around his room. The majority are made out of construction paper taped or tied onto himself and quickly colored on. This is probably a result of his laziness and general lack of effort, though he usually seems satisfied with his work output (the "[[100 2279|considerably weak video]]" being a notable exception).

Characters Chris has cosplayed as during this period:
*[[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]
*[[McDonald's|Hamburglar]]
*[[McDonald's|Grimace]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Liquid Chris]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] (though just vocally depicted)
* A member of [[100 2269|Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band]]
*A [[Cherokee]]
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]
*Fred Flinstone and [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] (the latter in the same costume but with a different 'head')
*[[Cleveland Show|Cleveland Brown]] (a new low, with just a DVD case over his face)
*A [[Harry Potter|wizard from Hogwarts]]
*A [[niggo|"gangsta"]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:ChrisPapa.JPG|Flexing his PaRappa muscles
File:ChrisGroucho.JPG|Chris as Groucho Marx
File:ChrisJuffalo.JPG|As a Juffalo
Image:Niggocwc.jpg|CWC as [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr Popo]]
File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|CWC tries to look like the [[McDonalds|Hamburglar]], but he comes off as an even creepier version of [[Soul Calibur|Voldo]].
File:Grimace.jpg|As the Evil Grimace
File:Chriscash.jpg|As [[Clyde Cash]]
File:Ohboy.jpg|As a member of [[100 2269|Sgt. Pepper's Virgins With Rage Band]]
File:Liquidd.jpg|As [[Liquid Chris]]
File:Indiann.jpg|As a [[Cherokee]]
File:Super-mode.jpg|Chris in his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|super-mode.]]
File:ChrisFredFlinstone.JPG|As Fred Flintstone
File:ChrisHomerFlinstone.JPG|As... Homer Simpson-Flintsone?
File:ChrisAsCleveland.JPG|As Cleveland Brown. Ingenious.
File:ChrisWizard.JPG|From Hogwarts. Learnin' spells n' yeah.
File:128679185214.png|Artist's depiction.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V]]

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Cosplay|Cosplay]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Chris and}}

Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)

2010-12-25T06:35:20Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Moving images so as not to create a huge gap

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] (in universe)
24 March 2005 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human (can transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]])
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Mayor of CWCville
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
|-
|}

[[Image:Chris0.jpg|thumb|<s>Chris's most accurate self portrait</s> [[Sammy|Try this.]]]]
[[Image:CWCFlex.jpg|thumb|Definitely not this one.]]
[[Image:Cwcanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomy analysis of the character]]
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], [[Chris]] has portrayed himself as more than a [[Obesity|fat]] [[autism|autistic]] slob who refuses to work. Within the comic universe, '''Chris''' is the mayor of [[CWCville]], "father" of hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and beloved by all ''despite'' failing almost as much as in real-life.

Despite the sub-episodes ostensibly featuring Real Chris, he can't seem to keep from evoking superpowers and plot contrivances.

==In the comic==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|left|A typical comic depiction of Chris - a tall, broad shouldered, handsome young man. Compare to the real hunched, fatty, double-chinned Chris.]]
[[Image:CWC collage.jpg|thumb|left|Chris is a master of consistency.]]
Chris depicts himself as Mayor of his fictional town, [[CWCville]]. Unlike real life, comic-Chris is popular, good-looking, and surrounded by women (in reality, [[trolls]], [[Gal pal|gal-pals]] who [[Megan Schroeder|hate him]], or fictional creations like [[Allison Amber]]) He also has the ability to change himself into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and use all the powers of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] at will (thus rendering Sonichu and company completely irrelevant).

Any characteristics comic-Chris possess stems from Chris's attempt to portray himself as the lovable loser type of character, known from any generic romantic comedy. He is noble, brave, intelligent, and surrounded by cartoon characters who fawn over him. But since Chris wants to score some cheap sympathy points, comic-Chris is also portrayed as having trouble with [[Love Quest|finding a girlfriend]] and is shown to have a limited ability to fight off his [[Manajerks|enemies]] and is regularly in need of help from his supportive friends in order to overcome his problems. In the comic, real-life relics like his [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]] aren't handicaps, they're magical objects which can make his [[China|dreams come true]]. He even has a job as Mayor of CWCville, and a [[Allison Amber|doting secretary]] on whom he dumps all his [[Semen|dirty work]], which she takes with a smile.

In other words, comic-Chris is who real Chris really wants to be. This does however, have the unfortunate side effect of making comic-Chris arguably even more murderous and psychotic than the real Chris, primarily due to him possessing the power to actually carry out his [[Death threats|threats]] in an artificial environment where he can kill and maim those who annoy him, and be completely in the right about it.

In the space of only 11 issues, he's [[Gun Comic|blown out]] [[Liquid|someone]]'s kneecaps with a [[Megatron Pistol|handgun]] after he'd surrendered, [[Sonichu #0|destroyed the home life]] of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job at the place Chris was soliciting at, sealed up and destroyed a populated building whilst ensuring no living thing escaped, destroyed another building full of [[JERKS|people]] whose only crimes were [[troll]]ing, broken into [[Mary Lee Walsh|an old woman]]'s home and brutally attacked her to the extent of causing paralysis, carried out a mini-Holocaust on [[homosexual]]s and asexuals, and arranged a [[Sonichu #10|show trial]] for [[Asperpedia Four|four men]] in an openly biased court, before personally executing them in brutal and inhumane ways. Why? For making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]].

It should also be noted that he does this all with a [[The Creepy Stare|gleeful smile]] on his face, and with no [[remorse]] or justification for it whatsoever.

It should be noted that [[Sammy]] is actually a more visually accurate depiction of Chris in the comic.

===[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===

Being the narcissistic tool he is, Chris felt it reasonable to add himself into his own comic. Right from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] Chris is depicted on the front cover commanding Sonichu to "Zap to the extreme!", and within the comic itself, congratulating Sonichu for his victory. At this point, not only is Chris drawing himself semi-realistically, but he is still a minor character. ''Sonichu'' #0 is one of the rare issues that is actually based primarily around the idea of Sonichu as the protagonist.

===[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]===

''Sonichu'' #1 is Chris's lowest-key outing to date, merely depicting himself commenting on the actions of the characters, and, bizarrely, his own [[Art|drawing ability]].

===[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]===

Having again drawn himself on the cover, by ''Sonichu'' #2 Chris has turned himself into a fully-fledged main character. Going insane with self-absorption, Chris depicts himself as the embodiment of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] foretold by his [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|ancestors]]. It is in this issue that he first gains his ability to turn into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], an event which will dominate the rest of the series almost to the point of [[Sonichu]]'s redundancy.

===[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]===

After featuring heavily in the previous comic, Chris takes a backseat to the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Sadly, he still can't resist adding his head onto the first page.

===[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]===

The legendary comic made entirely up of sub-episodes about Chris's life. Things get a little confusing because not only are the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] depicted as existing in Real Chris's universe, but he also has super-powers with which to battle the [[jerkop]]s. Again, Chris is depicting himself with selfless friends and powers he wished he actually had, but doesn't. And all the powers and Pokémon in the world still don't stop him getting beaten by the Jerkops or being trolled by [[Hanna]]. This comic also marks the introduction of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], the sister he wishes he had in real life (for [[china|obvious]] reasons).

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===
[[Image:Chris5.jpg|thumb|150px|Manga Chris]]

Real Chris, distraught at discovering [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] is getting married, depicts himself as a noble gentleman who wants what's best for her and allows her to get married. In reality Sarah couldn't care less what Chris thought about her marriage, which renders his acceptance of the wedding null and void. An interpretation could be made that Chris is battling the two versions of himself - the side who wants Sarah all to himself (Real Chris, played by [[Wes Iseli]]) and the side who wants Sarah to be happy (Comic Chris). It probably helped that by this point Chris had transferred his feelings for Sarah over to [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], who makes her début appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]], allowing him to make the noble choice a lot easier than it would have otherwise been.

This comic also introduces the pseudo-manga look (thanks a lot, Megan) that would come to characterize later comics.

By the next episode, things starts to get confusing. Yes, Chris is Mayor of [[CWCville]] and can order around public servants, but he still can't find a [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend]]. Despite this, he continues to depict himself as a noble warrior of [[China|love]], protecting all of [[Virginia]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh|those who would to take it away]].

===[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]===

''Sonichu'' #6 is the first issue to go into detail about how Comic Chris manages to manage running a city while sitting around getting [[Hanna|trolled]]. Opening with Real Chris discovering that his beloved dog [[Patti Chandler]] can talk, the action soon switches to Comic Chris as they enter CWCville. Chris introduces [[Patti-Chan]] to [[Allison Amber]], a Hollywood starlet who gave up her promising career to run CWCville while Chris was sitting in his [[Attraction Location|attraction locations]]. This character is indicative of how Chris portrays himself as so charismatic that young women drop everything to do his bidding. He is the "Big Cheese". Either way, fictional Allison Amber has a boyfriend, so Chris loses out in his own comic yet again.

Comic Chris spends the rest of the comic bemoaning his loneliness, and making veiled hints that [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] is his true [[sweetheart]].

===[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]===
[[Image:Chris7.jpg|thumb|Chris as depicted in ''Sonichu'' #7]]
[[Image:Chrisandsammy.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Sammy]] together]]

The megalomania begins on the cover, which is decorated with tiny pictures of the important moments of Chris's life, such as the time he held a basketball or tricked [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] into being photographed with him.

The comic itself revolves around Comic Chris and Megan, who is depicted as struggling with her feelings for Chris (in reality, she hated him). The comic at this point was being used as a tool to attract Megan, so much of the extraneous action is centered on the dating life of the [[Sonichu (species)|sonichus]] as a (barely) veiled hint as to what direction their friendship should take. The courting of Megan is also why it's the most Manga-centric issue to date, as well as the most inconsistent when it comes to Chris's depictions of himself, as he manages to draw himself differently in every frame.

This issue is also notable because it introduces [[Sammy]], a younger version of Comic Chris who is a lot more similar to Real Chris, in that he watches TV on [[Ghostbusters|"ghost command,"]] is [[Obesity|massively overweight]], and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits his pants]].

Halfway through making the comic Chris was being trolled relentlessly, so he responded by trapping himself in the [[Time Void]], and thus removing himself from the direct action.

===[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]===
Unable to keep himself completely out of the action, Chris emerges temporarily from the time void on the 10th floor in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in order to physically assault an employee who is working on a caricature of the [[The Oversized Drinking Straw|over-sized drinking straw]] picture, while [[Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu]] cheer HIM ON in unison. Chris disappears immediately afterward.

===[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]===
Chris still can't help but put himself in the comic, even when he's said to be out of the scene, in issue #9. The first time he shows up is during [[Ivy]]'s "vision" portraying her being with Chris as told by [[GodJesus|God and Jesus]]. The second time is at the end of the comic. In the scene, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Wild Sonichu]] discover the [[Time Void]] and end up pulling Chris out of the void. Fifteen minutes later, Chris, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], unveils some sort of plan (which is never mentioned) and he races off. On the final page, Chris declares that he, and anyone he created out of his sweetheart search misadventures, will never show up in the pages of his comic again... though the last page presumes that it'll continue in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

===[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]===
Despite the announcement at the end of the previous issue, Chris's character returns and quickly places himself in the middle of the spotlight. Whatever small narrative restraints the character had before are now completely gone, and he works more as a wish-fulfilling Marty Stu than ever. Even worse, Comic Chris has inherited the same exact personality as his real-life counterpart. During the time this issue was being drawn, Chris was boiling with [[Chris and anger|rage]] and [[Death threats|crying for the blood]] of [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Clyde Cash]], [[Evan|and]] [[Asperpedia|every]] [[Alec Benson Leary|other]] [[troll]] and for the [[Christian Love Day|"straightening out"]] of [[homosexual]] [[JERK|males]] due to all the gay ads in his [[CWCipedia]].

At the beginning of the comic Chris discusses the future, wherein he is to be married to a woman named [[Lovely Weather]] and, since he slept with her, he is no longer a virgin. Apparently, homosexuality is such a big problem in the future that Chris was also asked by future scientists to donate some of his "straight" blood so they could use it for a vaccine. Chris, however, hoping to employ it on the homos in the present, sends Magi-Chan back to the future to steal a crate of the vaccine.

Chris moves on to fight some devil trolls who had infested his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|old website]], and then he attacks and destroys 4-cent_garbage.com leaving a hundred people dead in the process, including Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, who are forced to commit suicide.

Chris is then attacked by [[Naitsirhc]], but Chris eventually gets the upper hand and tries out the gay vaccine on him. After Naitsirhc turns back into his old incarnation, Chris declares the vaccine a success, and gives the order to pollute all the drinking water supplies in the world with it, effectually eradicating homosexuality and asexuality (since Chris for some reason does not like that either).

[[Meg Griffin]] suddenly turns up and claims to be fan of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], much to Chris's pleasure. After beating up some random guy who called Meg "sir" and Chris "madam", he cheats on Lovely Weather by making out with her, after her confirming that she is consensual. Unbeknownst to Chris, Meg is really [[Silvana Rosechu]] in disguise, and Chris has therefore been trolled.

Once again Chris feels the need to apologize without really apologizing, this time to the homosexuals who might have been offended by the fact that he just committed something comparative to genocide against them. With that out of the way, Chris takes out the [[Sonichu Balls]] and transforms into [[Collosal Chan]], and together with Sonichu, who have now been transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]], he sets out to "right some wrongs". Aside from the minor detail of getting [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] out of the mirror, [[Collosal Chan|Hobo Chan's]] main priority is getting rid of [[Asperchu]], which he does by breaking into Asperchu/Alec Benson Leary's house, fingerbanging his "[[Xbox|HEXBox Pavilion]]" to the breaking point and turning Asperchu and the rest of the comic cast into "improved" versions of themselves.

After this, Hobo-Chan fights [[Mary Lee Walsh]], leaving her completely paralyzed and sentenced to a lifetime in CWCville's maximum-security prison (killing her is out of the question after the [[Liquid Chris]] furor). After that, Chris reverts to his human form and gives a speech. Meanwhile, Simonla Rosechu is murdered, and the Asperpedia Four are arrested for the crime. And at the same times as Chris starts giving out blessing and apologies to the Asperpedia Four, they are subjected to a show trial for their crime against him and CWCville, and are brutally executed by the Sonichus, with Chris partaking in Alec's execution by electrocution, and personally carrying out Mao's execution by tearing him apart with his psychic powers.

And so the issue ends with Chris by urging everyone to celebrate his masturbatory holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and leap and dance and sing praise in his name, for great is his wisdom and his benevolence.
===[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]===
Chris has yet to appear in the unfinished ''Sonichu'' #11.

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Christian Weston Chandler}}
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler]] – Chris IRL
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] – his [[Patti-Chan|furry]] side
*[[Collosal Chan]] - the personification of his God complex
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] – his [[Silvana|feminine]] side
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] – his [[homo]] side
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] – his [[Niggos|racist]] side
*[[Sammy]] – his much more [[Honest Content|honest]] self-portrait
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

Sonichu 8 Official Videobook

2010-12-21T14:12:02Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Transcript */ Fix redlink

'''Sonichu 8 Official Videobook''' is a series of videos made by [[Chris]], in which he reads out the comics from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. He started uploading these videos on 19 [[September 2009]].
__TOC__

{{Deletedvideo}}
==Episode 17==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yr1_oI18CYk}}
| Stardate = 19 September [[2008]]
| Maker = [[Chris|ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Rosechu]], [[Sonichu]], [[Wild_Sonichu| Wild]], [[Thurston_Howell_III| Mr. and Mrs. Howell]], and [[Beel]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#KCWC_Special| KCWC Special]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2| Episode 17 Part 2]]
}}

====Transcript====
And now for the, uh, OK version... of... Book Number Eight. And by OK version I mean the OK version of-ab-bu of the, uh...next episode. Anyway, all Sonichu material is [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] March 17, [[2009]], to Christian Weston Chandler. Any names or persons illustrated in any of the Sonichu comic books except that of myself that may seem similar to anyone in real life or fiction are purely coincidental or otherwise [[Parody|parodic]]. And to note, some of the following comic pages contain scenes of censored [[Honest Content]] that may not be suitable to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

Anyway, here's the cover.

(''falsetto'') Woohoo, it's Spring Break! Yayyyy!! Everybody runnin' 'round on the beach yaayy!!
(''normal voice'') And we're featuring a spring break launch concert featuring-
(''terrifying, inhuman squeak'') JIGGLIAMIII. Hihighgihdghidhidiiiii.

(''normal voice'') Prologue of Episode 17. Continued from an hour after Sonichu and Rosechu's date, 10 p.m., November 3rd 2007. For your inform- For your information, Sonichu turned 19, March 17th 2000, and Rosechu turned 18 September 22nd 2006.

Sonichu and Rosechu have been living together in a cozy single story...fully paid...fully paid house. (From CWCville funds.) This is a map locating their house and the city...limits. Yeah. Mm. Basically their house is located midpoint between the mall, and a metropolis within that subdivision. At Humble 14 Branchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024, 1982. Thank god I took Computer Aided Draft and Design ([[CADD]]) classes to make these accurate measurements. Plus also, they have been married since [[2006]]. March 2006. Getting on with the story.

Inside the Master Bedroom that night after their fun date.

(''falsetto'') Here Sweet Bolt, we're both nice and clean. Ready to get dirty agaiiin.

(''normal voice'') You bet ya sweet bawd, gurl. Good thing we stopped for a [[Raincoat|pack of condoms]]. It's too bad the regular ones break easily on my...[[Duck|seven-incher]]. It's more like...s...more like "Size 5 or Less" to measure those wimps.

(''falsetto'') Well, maybe the double extra length'll stay long- stay stronger and longer on your healthy girth!

(''mistakenly in falsetto'') Well I'm- (''normal voice'') Well I'm into a little missionary, cowgirl. You think you can handle it?

(''falsetto'') I think I can, HOT SHOTTT. I think I can hot shot. Insert Rod A into Slot B!

(''normal voice'') Mmm. Let's pause for a moment, um, never mind we'll skip that part, uh, I had to cut that part out. Anyway.

Anyway, Episode 17. Rage Against The Garbage.

The next morning at 10am, November 3rd [[2007]] in the master bedroom, Rosechu's lookin' on the computer and Sonichu's just gettin' up to greet her. She got up earlier.

Good mornin', too-cute-to-bolt! Last night was awesome! I had a dream that we double-date with [[Bionic]] and Mejajy- [[Megagi]]. How'd you like to SING?!

Rosechu replies,

(''falsetto'') Cool ya cuddlin, Sonichu. I was just checkin' out this webpage Kelly told me about yesterday. It seriously drags Chris' and our names through major MUCK!

(''normal voice'') Whoa, really?

(''falsetto'') Hecks yeah! Take a look at.

(''normal voice'') Huh. Some major [[4chan|4-cent_garbage]].

(''falsetto'') Dot com, yes. But it gets worse beyond the texsxst.

(''normal'') WHAT?! When was that photo taken? Did someone sneak through our neighborhood watch and intrude in our house just to put a camera in here and take a peek shots of you and me? Not only that but Bubbles and BLAKE? And since when did Angelica did THAT? and when did Slaweel Ryam sell herself out? And when did Christian and Meg-chan-

(''falsetto'') SONICHU! [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Those are hand drawings. Not photographs.]]

(''normal'') Oh. Still, they look so lifelike.

(''falsetto'') Ugh. And this, to my most distressed distaste is the apex of the page.

URGH

(''whoosh sound effect'')

He rushes to the bathroom.

(''falsetto'') Hmm. Well, I certainly feel like crying that game as well. Thank god for blessing me with a healthy set of woman parts. How dare they portray me otherwise, those monsters?! [[Curse|Cursssse]] every last idiot behind this garbage!

(''Sonichu vomiting, also a typical reaction to any Sonichu strip'') URGHGH HURRGH EURRGFFF BLUEERGH HREERGH poor Sonichu HERGHHB BELERRGHH ERGHFFF UGH ERRGH UGH ARRERGHH GERGHHHH BLEARGH.

He crawls back in.

(''normal voice'') I can't believe those...those...monsters! Ugh, last time I checked you're an all-true, full-fledged WOMAN, and you were the main woman in this month's Pokayboy magazine! If the centerfolds of this magazine is not proof that you're a woman, then you'd have to go down there and prove it...to them. OHHH.

(''coughing'') Ugh.

(''falsetto'') Oh my god Sonichu! Oh my [[sweetbolt]], you got stressed out from the shock!

(''normal'') I'm sawry.

(''falsetto'') Here, rest your weary head and recover your strength. We'll go to their main building later and try to reason with them.

(''falsetto'') Egh, I'm so mad at them! HNNG. Lousy dickhead idiots! They think they can get away with putting a sh...strap-on all over mah glorious beautiful pussy? Their behinds are gonna get SPANKED HARD! Mm. Well, I'll start by replacing their slanderous mockeries with an equal number of my own [[Rule 34|self-centerfolds]]!

(''sound effects'') Prf. Beep beep! Doin' this in the bathroom...TIKWERR! KWIKWERR! KWIKWERR! KLIKWERR! CLICK WHIRR! CLICK WHIRR. CLICK WHIRR. CLICK WHIRR.

(''normal voice'') Thirty minutes later, she comes out of the bathroom with her...pictures on the memory card.

(''tuneful sound effects'') Beep-beep, beep-beep beep-beep-beep beep-beep beep.

(''falsetto'')Hmmm...Shoot! That's 10 more or so o' those dang images there were...than there were earlier. (''unintelligible'') showed up. Hmm... Uh! I should ask [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for their assistance! They'll be glad to rally for [[Women's rights|the cause]]!

LATER THAT DAY, at 1:45pm, at 4-cent_garbage building, in Clarksville, Tennessee. Sssssseventy-two stories.

(''normal voice'') Wow, that's tall, exclaims Sonichu.

(''falsetto'') Sonichu, stay focused. We're here to meet the head of this company and reason with him.

(''normal voice'') Yes, my blossoming zapbud. That's why we are here. Hey, it was good of [[Magi-chan]] to teleport us here. By the way, you called earlier to make our appointment, what was the name of who we're meetin' again?

(''falsetto'') Well, he did not give his last name, but he only introduced us, as "[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]]".

(''sudden horrible accent'') Oh, Lovey! If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, not to leave your purse at our mansion!

(''falsetto'') I'm sorry, Thurston. But we were on that island for so long, I've gotten used to strolling without it!

(''accent'') Indeed!

Heh heh.

(''normal voice'') Well, while y'all are [http://equotes.wetpaint.com/page/Ric+Flair+Quotes wheelin' and dealin'] wi', I'll search for the sixth So- Sonichu... <s>[[Homos|Ball]]</s> Chaotic Crystal. That Magi-chan detected in the building.

(''TL;DL'') A day doesn't go by when I can't help but appreciate the stealth teachings of my father. He was leader of his cut-sharp clan of Scyther and <s>Scizor</s> Sizzor. One day on a mission to- for swi- swift revenge on the Charmeleon cult for burning down the jungle dojo, he was captured by poachers. I was close behind his trail when it happened. I wept as I saw him being put into their van. I tried to release my fahurrr, but he told me, to stop. He said there was no way I could cut through that steel. They drove off, and the last thing I saw of him was a passing...of-the-torch look in his eyes. Since then, I swore revenge on those...monsters.

(''falsetto'') Just be safe, Wild. Don't get yourself caught.

(''normal voice'') Yeah, we support ya, man. If you get caught, we'll come to your rescue.

And then S- Wild Sonichu goes into his...Conversion attack to blend in with all surroundings. (I learned it from a passing Porygon.) Then Wild Sonichu dashes into the building, in his camouflage. And Sonichu comments, Wow. When Wild blends in, he dun' fool around! Now let's go clean the mud off our good names. And then Sonichu and Rosechu walk into the building themselves. Wild-eh pretty much, deh, Wild dashed in quickly, ah, mm, yeah he dashed in right behind 'em. Anyway.

They walk in, 'n'de'like, wooooooow. Yeah.

DUN DUN DUN DUUN DUUN DUUUN.

(''falsetto'') Wow, it really sets the mood.

(''normal voice'') Yeah. If you live in a volcano.

Sonichu and Rosechu approach the nearby receptionist desk. (Ah, excuse me, my lady friend and I have a 2 o'clock appointment with the head of your company.) And he's just sittin' there, watching his o- watching his own, watching the own s- stuff that's, uh, goin' up an' down on the, uh, ED site, on the, 4-cent_garbage site. Anyway, he replies,

(''retarded deep voice'') Yer, sure, go- Go the opposite side o' column, and take de elevator to floor sitsty sits PLUS sits. (''clearing throat'') EGH-HEM.

(''normal voice'') Ah, excuse me, but that math equation, wouldn't it be the seventy-second floor?

(''deep voice again'') YES! IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL! GET GOIN, I'M BUSY HERE! AAEERRHHH!!!

(''normal voice'') ...Gee...thanks.

(''video abruptly ends'')

===Part 2===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RTS9xtC9nGU}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Jason]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_1| Episode 17 Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3| Episode 17 Part 3]]
}}

====Transcript====
So they go around to the other side of the column and Rosechu pushes the elevator button. ENGH! Can you belive how rude that guy was? He wouldn't even turn around for simple eye contact!

''(falsetto)'' Sonichu, I understand that he offended you, but remember the story of-Joseph's story? Forgiveness.

''(normal voice)'' Dunnnnnnnnn.

''(falsetto)''We are all blessed with the light of god. Just take your time and enjoy and pray.

''(normal Voice)'' Yeah. Mm-kay. Jesus did die for us. Thank you Rosey. You are my best voice of reason alongside Jesus. Huh. Hmmm. But it makes me wonder, if there's a jerk like that on this floor, I can only imagine what else can be on the other floors here.

Meanwhile, oh yeah, while there is the exit in the back of the building. Pfft. He's in the camouflage. And he has the crystal... the chaotic crystal in his hand. And he senses d-d-senses that the uh he has to go up to find the next one. And so he shoots his vine whip. ''(assorted wooshing sounds)'' He latches on to the-uh four hook ceiling piece, and then winds himself upwards. Going up and up and up and up until... Until the uh crystal in his hand lets him know that he's on the right floor to uh, to where the next crystal is.

Meanwhile Sonichu and Rosechu are getting a view of what's on the other floors. Like on the second floor these two guys are working on the uh 4-cent_garbage site. They clock in and out in sync. "Hey dude! You get over your hangover yet? You ready to work?" "Yeah, I think so" "Great I'm gonna check out my shift." All the other guys are Conked out...passed out, cuz it's not their shift yet. Then he glugs his reeb, heh-heh, and then he conks out. "OK well it's my shift then, Heheheheh, everybody else get drunk and I'm going online now it's my turn." That's their response they just disgusted over it.

And then they go to the next floor and they see this tho-they see this little thing happening. "I don't understand what's the deal with that. A bear?" I dunno. And then this person's saying "I hate SRMS whatever that is." ''(falsetto)'' I don't get this either. I don't even get it myself. Seriously. As the author, I do not get it. I really don't understand that. Anyways, continuing on.

7th Floor, they notice that somebody is putting another wrong thing on Rosechu. She dashes out of the elevator, and clobbers the guy and lets him know.

''(falsetto)'' I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, ya freak!

And then on the next floor, sonichu notices that, uh another wrongful image and homes attacks the guy behind that and "Ahh that just really ticks me off!"

And then on the next floor they both see something that really offends the both of them and they just give this guy a thunderbolt. "Ahh!"

And then on the next floor it's like you know I had to warp in and take a shot at it. I mean,that's a soda cup! That's a beverage cup from a *Cough* target or get-tar cafe. And what did I say against that sour vegetable? ''(More whooshing noises with mouth)'' Yayyy! Bravo! ''(More weird mouth breathing)'' Good show! They applaud me. OK! See ya in the next book!

On the 11th floor we've got this silly comic.

''(Creepy falsetto)'' Nyaa! 2d! It's easy to change the nappy! You like all men just don't have the courage. You have courage only to watch these useless zombies movies! Kekukekukeku.

''(weird voice)'' I could name many things that would show you my courage! But I'm thinking we need to remember to do we got memory. We got married.

''(Normal voice)'' Eh. Now that's just plain sad.

''(Falsetto)'' Yeah.

And then on this floor, "Huh. Since when did Knuckles become so popular?"

Whaat!? Geeze, it's that bear again. What is up with that bear.

''(Abrupt Cut to next page)'' Then on the 69th floor. Hmmm. From the director, which is me, I wish to take a moment to inform you that-the reader, that even though this image of an Xbox 360 was drawn in the form of an anime girl android, it does not reflect in any shape or form my idea of women so the following act I will do unto a hand-drawing recreation of the console only reflects my hatred towards the hex-box in general. Not any feelings towards women, anime or real. Ladies, I care about y'all. Although y'all will be... although only one will be my true sweetheart. Surely will not be this girl. Because she's fake.

Anyway ''Pfft sound effect'' On the next floor.

''(falsetto)'' "Yeahh! Kill that Hex-box!"

''(Normal voice)'' We have a new trophy! Killed the Hex-Box! Now you can play your Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace! Hooray!

''(Cut to next Page)''But on one of the earlier floors as they passed by, Wild jumps on the Floor. ''(Chris preforms a poor a capella of the pink panther theme)'' And then Sonichu comments on one of the floors that's omitted, "Eh, What card game is that from?" ''(More off-key a capella)'' Locked ''(Still more a capella, sudden drop in voice volume)'' And he shoots out a couple... shoots out a razor leaf. Uses it as a lockpick ''(More fucking a capella)'' He senses it... He sees a safe but, you know what the crystal's not in the safe it's on the dresser nearby. So he picks it up. Peeeeeoooww! And then he suddenly becomes visible again! "Shoot! The crystal's powers have overridden my conversion! Magi-chan, do you read me, Magi-chan, respond over!" He tries to get in touch with him telepathically. "Dang. This must be-this must some kind of force field blocking psychic links! I gotta get out of here without being spotted! Hmm. Legendary Crystals! Rest your power in my arms and remain dormant!" Vun Voom! And then the crystals disappear from in his hands and into his arms.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and Rosechu get off on the 72nd Floor and approach... Jason!

''(Garbled Voice)'' "Visitors! Welcome to my heck! I am Jason! A 20-year-old troll who offers only slanderous mockeries! And this is my Accomplice, Kathleen! You two are here to talk about the Chris-chan page on my 4-cent_garbage Website!"

And then Sonichu glances at Rose-and then Sonichu and Rosechu glance at each other and they're like "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah." Hmm. And then Sonichu goes "Yes Sir! My loving caring sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it be removed from the internet for good!" ''(Some sort of Patriotic a capella Freestyle)'' "For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud. You also drag the American homes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great humble United States of America among-along with him! You've had your laughs, but ask yourself: is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders, that drags the name of good people, within this country that was founded with love and peace within it, that those before us have fought valiantly to withhold... that was-that I was born and raised under the old gory that is the red white and blue. ''(still more a capella)'' For the free and the home of the braaaave! "In my answer I say nay! What is your answer Mr. Howell?"

''(Garbled voice)'' I say you are a sap!" ''(shouting)'' I am a troll, with no such beliefs! I know that we are born, then we die! I intend to make the most of my pitiful life tormenting every person within my grasp... until they all die from the shame and dis-and the distress of their existence! The page will stay up! This meeting is over!"

''(Normal voice)'' What you say?! I will not let you stand up to me and talk to me like that!

''(Video abruptly ends)''

===Part 3===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|94bIJbD5jV4}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]]/[[Vamprosa]], [[Jason]], and [[Wild_Sonichu| Wild]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2| Episode 17 Part 2]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4| Episode 17 Part 4]]
}}

====Transcript====
HAAAAAAA And then Sonichu launches a thunderbolt attack against his-against Jason Howell. And then he made (?) defensive with a dark force shield *pwfooo Woosh!* Then Sonichu laun-does a figure 8, and launches towards Jason throwing one heck of a punch! "HAAAAYYYYYYAAA!!" "Uff!" But uh to be frozen-to be frozen in mid air by his dark force. "Errrngh!" ''(inhales sharply)'' And Rosechu watches in shock! And then Mr. Jason flings Sonichu away from the force. "Waaaaaah!"

And Soni-Rosechu is just ready to catch him and she catches him "uff!" ''(Falsetto)'' "Sonichu, Sonichu! Are you alright? Wake Up!" (''Incoherent mumbling'') I'm sorry what'd you say?

(''Normal Voice'') My angle was right on time to catch my home run.

(''Falsetto'') Awwwwwwwww I love you too sweet bolt.

And then getting up with Rosechu's Support, the Rosechu supporting Sonichu with her body she... she says (''Falsetto'') "Sonichu let's go. There's no reasoning with that jerk."

''(Normal voice)'' But...

''(Falsetto)'' Forgiveness. Just like Joseph taught us and Jesus.

Erngh. And then Sonichu just looks a back at Jason with a mean grimace. Erngh.

Meanwhile Wild Sonichu is ah, decided to... he jumps up to the ceiling from the inside room and then he crawls out through the... through the door's entrance on the ceiling. And then he launches a vine whip ''(more stupid blowing noises)'' and he clings to the-to the middle column. And then he... wait and then using the sticky...appendages he cli-he cli- he climbs around the column. Do-do-do-do-do-do. And then he makes a viant leap down.

But back in the-uh 72nd floor Sonichu and Rosechu make their way out Jason comes ''(Garbled Voice)'' That's right Rosechu! Go! Go and play with your pickle!

And he throws a- he throws a real pickle-a vegetable pickle and hits Rosey on the head! Pook!

And she ma-and then she looks down and then she gets offended a little bit... and then she looks down upon it. And then she picks it up. Erngh and she gets really angry! And then she... KRCH! Breaks it in half with one fist! Eeeeeeeennnnnngh! And then she gets up and starts to get really really angry and she's got fire in her eyes! And then she just takes ah-and then she takes a look back at that jerk with a straight tail! Errrrgh! But in the last sane moment before she really gets angry, she warns, she asks Sonichu to fetch her clothes. And he says "Uhh... Sure." And she unzips her boots and then she uh she jumps out of her boots. And she jumps very high and in midair she derobes herself and Sonichu catches her clothes and he's like "oh".

She lands midway between Sonichu and Jason in her-in her bra and panties and shouts ''(Falsetto)'' I've got three shocking bits for you, jerk!

And during a short time she thinks to herself ''(falsetto)'' "I am the power! I am the warrior! I am the almighty women! True to all my gender, I will overthrow... overpower any evil and good-or good man who defies us! I ma-I make him succumb to our will! I have the almighty uterus... that makes me strong and super-powerful enough to protect the loved ones within me until they emerge in their glorious birth! But my ferocious will... I shall punish he who has defiled my people with the worst unnatural addition ever by this one's heinous hand! I am woman! Hear me roar!

And after a transformation, she lunges right at him! ''(Falsetto)'' Aaaaaarrrrrr!

And she sits on-and she sits on his sh-on his shoulders with her front to his face! And then she digs into his head... leaves a whol-leaves a whol-makes a whole bunch of scratches. Kttch! And then she leans-leans down to chomp him on his... chomp his head! And then she lets out a mighty thunderbolt! ''(bunch of whooshing sound effects)'' And Sonichu is like "Whoa!"

And then she pounces away-and then she-after she's done she makes him fall-lets him fall to the ground and then she pounces back towards Sonichu. ''(Deep Breathing)'' And yet uh the Jason is still alive. Just uh hanging on-hanging on a thread he say "I should be dead. But dark forces keep me alive! Wow! What a show that was!"

In her emotional recovery, Rosechu transforms back to her naked self. Which is a good reason for Sonichu to have her clothes on hand. "Rosechu are you okay?"

''(Deep breathing, then in falsetto)'' "I'll be okay. I just need to recover." ''( More deep breathing)''

"Anyways here are your clothes I'll wait for you."

And a couple of minutes later in the elevator. And Sonichu's like "Wow! Rosie, I never thought you could be so strong!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Yeah."

''(Normal voice)'' "You even had me going! Wow!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Great thank you-eh thank you sweet bolt."

''(Normal voice)'' "No worries. We'll get you home and you can rest for awhile. You were awesome!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Yeah. Hmm. What happened? I became so angry and then I transformed into some... monster! It took over me like some primal instincts! I couldn't control it! I hope this thing doesn't emerge again!"

Anyways the elevator comes down quickly. But anyway Wild... it lands on the ground right in front of the elevator entrance in the back... on the uh south side of the column. And then he makes a vine whip ''(Barely audible whooshing noise)'' Clings to the ceiling and he launches himself to the ceiling and then he crawls above the front entrance to wait for Sonichu and Rosechu's return. And then a couple of minutes later Sonichu and Rosechu approach the exit-approach the entrance as it and Wild leaps down from the ceiling in front of them to greet them.

"Wild. Glad to see you're safe! Did you find the crystal?"

"Yes, I got it. I had-I had to hide the power within my arms. I'll release them when I get-when I get them to Patti-chan."

''(Falsetto)'' "Hmm. Well I'm afraid our mission was not a success. That Jason is a real jerk! Errgh! I guess all we can do is pray for its- for the website's downfall. Hmm."

''(Normal voice)'' "Well, let's get back to CWCville! Magi-Chan?"

And then-And then back in CWCville, Magi-Chan hears their...hears their telepathic cry and he's like "I read y'all. Sonichu, I shall teleport you three back to CWCville right now."

Later on in the Mayor's Office, Hmm... Sign-Alison is preparing-is storing-is doing some document work she says ''(mild falsetto)'' "Sign this, deny this, deny that, approve that. Hmm. I shouldn't have left Hollywood."

Then within the office in the file cabinet room where we got the... where crystal is hanging round the moment Patti-Chan the uh crystals they have out. Magi-Chan says-Wild enters and Magi-Chan says "You have the crystals?"

And he says "Yes. Legendary crystals, hear my call. Reveal your powers from my arms hallowed halls!" And then the crystals appear in his hands.

And then they put the crystals into the dome, where they will be safe.

''(Falsetto)'' "Well with my master in possession of two of the crystals, there is only one left to collect. Come back soon master! Arf!"

The end of the episode.

===Part 4===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WFLh7NoLb2k}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Rosechu]], [[Lolisa]], [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], [[Simonla]], and [[Zapina]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3| Episode 17 Part 3]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_18| Episode 18]]
}}

{{quote|Ammagonflarfloo!|Zapina}}

[NARRATOR]: Hmm. Lei-ih-in the epilogue. Later, in Sonichu and Rosechu's backyard, Sonichu has the camera in his hand, while the other, while the Rosechus are gathering. And Rosechu says to Lolisa:

[ROSECHU]: ''(falsetto)'' Ah, thanks for coming, again for coming over to help, Lolisa.

[LOLISA]: Eh, no problem, I'm happy to help. It really bothers me knowing that such a slander against our womanhood is goin' on right now! Ech!

[ROSECHU]: Well, once we get our s-centra'fold shots and uploaded, those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights!

[BUBBLES]: ''(even higher, babyish falsetto)'' Yeah! And if nothing else, we can still have lots of fun trying!

{ANGELICA]: ''(ungodly baby voice with some weird accent)'' With our [???] and our peaceful protest, we can wen to sahvov.

[BUBBLES]: ''(in Rosechu's voice)'' Victory for women's lib!

[ALL][???]: ''(Sings "[[http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/marypoppins/stepintime.htm| Step in Time]]" from the movie "[[Mary Poppins]]")'' "Votes for women, step in time! Votes for women, step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, votes women step in time!" [Singing stops] VOTES FOR WOMEN!

[ROSECHU][???]: VOTES FOR WOMEN! Downfall of 4-cent's-s garbage's-s garbages! Well done, sister electric hedgehogs.

[LOLISA]: Hmm. Well. My associate shoul' be back soon with the ba-drops so we can get this party started.

[NARRATOR]: And then Lolisa continues to s-s-[cuts himself off]

[LOLISA]: And I think she's here now!

[TUNNELS BEING DIGGED]: V-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-

[SIMONLA POPS UP]: Pffffffffft!

[LOLISA]: You are in the righ' pl- [Realizes that she isn't supposed to be speaking yet]

[SIMONLA]: [Sounds like a dude] Oh, I hope that -UGH!- I hope this is the right place. I hate this-I hate making mistaken turnin' the wrong place.

[LOLISA]: Oh, you're in the right place, Simonla.

[SIMONLA]: Lolisa! Excellent. Hmm.

[LOLISA]: You're right on time. Well done. Heh. Son-Sonichu, ladies, this is Simonla. Simonla let me introduce Sonichu, Rosechu, Bubbles, and Angelica.

[SIMONLA]: Hey y'all!

[EVERYONE]: Hey, Simonla!

[SIMONLA]: Well I got the backdrops! 'Ang on I reach in this back-pack and get'em. Hmm. M'ya. Here's the lot. Lolisa tol' me about your protest and I'd like to volunteer my services-s-s as a model as well. No worries abou' me, gal. I'm 19 and my shell is remomabble.

[ROSECHU]: Oh splendid! With our protest [??? space language maybe] we'll really hit those garbage sacks HARD with our glorious womanhood.

[ZAPINA ZOOMS PAST]: Zzzzzzip!

[ROSECHU]: What? 's tha?

[ZAPINA ZOOMS PAST]: Zzzzzzzip! Zzzzzzzip! Zzzzzzzip!

[ZAPINA]: ''(In a frequency that only dogs and dolphins can hear)'' OH! [Realizes that this is Rosechu's line]

[ROSECHU]: Oh. Hi. May I help you with something?

[ZAPINA]: [Alien space language maybe?] Ammagonflarfloo!

[ROSECHU]: Oh. I see. How old are you?

[ZAPINA]: My name is Zapina! [Alien space language] Annapolorfafass but wennasited shine-ah stop me! En way, aher you were loo'in fer' models wanna vol'nteer my services cue'nesses. 'M FOURTEEN YEARS CUTE! BING!

[pause]

[ROSECHU]: Ah. You cert'ly are a cue' lil' thing. But listen, Zapina, I trushally appreciate your kind offer to be a model. Ahm' 'fraid th-tha' as a responsible adult I can not assept you as a model because you are still too young. Hmm.

[ZAPINA]: [???] Blat zorp! Ack er flur flur! Zyle sit in the trees use my tail as a spotlight! Anotnot anotnonur backyard!

[ROSECHU]: Uhhh... I dunno, child, whatis with all the dumb laws 'n all... [Mumbles] Undundundun... uh. No. They're not so dumb. Well anyway, still, all things considered-hmm.

[LOLISA]: EH! Couldn't but open-but overhear tha' this lil' one can shine light in the backyard says Lolisa. [No, the narrator did not say the last part- it was definitely in Lolisa's voice.]

[ROSECHU]: Hmm. Yeah. She can. N'ya she says so, but uh-

[LOLISA]: [pause] Come on, Rosechu, this is a volunteer gig! An' she's volunteer to be an impor'ant spotlight! I will personally supervise her and I will take responsis for anything go haywire.

[ROSECHU]: Hmm. Alrigh' alright. I'll leave Zapina under your watchful eye an' fully responsible care, Lolisa.

[LOLISA]: Thank you.

[ROSECHU]: Alright. In the mean-time we gotta party to here let's go, let's-s-s do this thing. [Repeats self] ALRIGH' PEOPLE! We gotta LOT of work to do! So let's-s get this party started! Simonla! Set up half the back-drops in the back porch and the rest between those two trees. Sonichu! Make sure the camera is fully charged an-an has an SD card in it and ready to work. As the posing mod-all the posing models need to be have CLEANED UP an' have make-up applied. Lolisa! Have Zapina searus up in that tree an' make sure her light can shine [struggles] upon both back-dropped areas.

[NARRATOR]: Bong-a-bon-bon! Rosechu the director! An'... the director's protest.

[ROSECHU]: For our rights as women among all people, I WILL overpower those slanderous jerks!

[Stripping music is sung. The lyrics are "dun-dun-DUN-dun~!"]

[NARRATOR]: End of the episode. Stay tuned for the nets one!

==Episode 18==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EWBPFnIbQFw}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Bubbles]], [[Blake]], [[Jamsta]], [[Lolisa]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Blanca]], [[Angelica]], and [[Megagi]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4| Episode 17 Part 4]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2_2| Episode 18 Part 2]]
}}

====Transcript====

Okay, before we get to episode 18, here's the prologue to it. December 22nd, 2007. It's Sonichu and Rosechu's living room. To celebrate Rosechu's 19th birthday and everybody's there. Yaaaaaaaay yaaaaaaay. Rosechu just blew out the candles, she just turned 19. And Sonichu kisses her lovingly. Yeahhh. And then Punchy's sitting on the couch saying "ROCK ONNN! YEAAHHH!"

And then February twentyssss... and then on February 2nd 2008 at the Pokémon Centre at the CWCVille Shopping Center, we celebrate the birthday of the Chaotic Combo, Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy and Magi-chan, born on the same day.Happy birthday! they're nine- they're all 19 off the 5 of them, and even the bir- and even the Flame the Sunbird showed up to the party. Yaaayy.

And then March seven-t-teenth, 2008, Sonichu and Rosechu's house.

Sonichu: "Ah Rosey, that was a nice dinner, this is the nicest brithday of mine yet"

Rosechu: "Oh hang tight, it's gonna get way better (laughs)"

But then not- but then as soon as Rosechu flickers on the light it's a big "SURPRIIIISE! Yaaay. Neither of them expected this, happy birthday, yaay! Sonichu is 20 years old today yaaay, happy birthday"

And then on March 21st 2008 at the jungle- on the jungle beach, near Bubbles' house:

Bubbles: "Hey Blake, I got this cupcake just for you, happy birthday"

Blake: "Oh. Thanks Bubbles. But I've already told you that I was cloned from Sonichu's DNA. I was not properly born from a Rosechu."

Bubbles: "Oh that doesn't matter. You still came alive today, starting straight from a 2 year old body. You're 20 now, man"

Blake: "Hmm. Well thank you Bubbles, you're awesome. Hmm."

Bubbles: "Well now blow out the candles and make a wish."

Blake: "Heh. I'll blow out the candle, but I already have my wish."

And then they kiss. Mmmmm. Blake and Bubbles kiss mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh. And then Bubbles says "You will meet me at the CWCVille beach tomorrow for the Spring Break concert yes?" And he says "Yeah. And I'll put on your act for your gal-pals. ehehehehe. Uhhh I gotta keep up the tough boy act and keep our romance a secret for a little while, at least just as long as I can, long as we can"

Bubbles: "Yeah".

Hey. How about some TV on Saturday March 22nd 2008. Pshh.

"This is Um-TV and we're rocking with Spring Break! WAHOOOOOOO!" Pshh.

"Ey, sisters and brothers this is PHI, we're rocking the world with Spring Break! YAHOOO!"

"Leaving thousands and leaving hundreds injured, for FQX news, I'm Greta Squall. [?] rocking hard, it's Spring Break! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! YAHOOO! GRETA! GRETA! GRETA SQUAAALL!"

And now, coming to you live like a high five, on the radio from the CWCVille beach, station KCWC, it's: Episode 18, Spring Break '08, yahOOOOO! mmm.

Jamsta: "ey there all you guys, gals, dudes and dudettes of all ages, we are rocking hot on the CWCVille beach for Spring Break '08! Y'all know me as Jamsta Sonichu, the DJ with da power!"

Lolisa: "and proudly [?] his hot girl Friday, I'm Lolisa Rosechu."

Jamsta: "Yeeessir. We got a lot of events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor Mr Christian Weston Chandler that CWCVille is a clean city. Nobody has to go home drunk or smokey. WE've got [?] kegs full of our famously delicious CWC cola and Diet CWC cola, lemonade, grape and orange soda, compliments of our local CWC cola bottling company, founded and opened proudly in 1985, 3 years after CWCVille was founded by mayor's father Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. Also today, you can enter to win a 40 inch Sony HD TV from CWC circuit city! Or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept! Also tonight, our rising star Jiggliami will be singing her debut single "War of Love" on the concerts- on the concert stage here at CWCVille Beach. So stay tuned to CWCVille, Virginia's number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more! Yeah!

Lolisa: "hehe. Awesome Jamsta! Well I'm thinking of taking a swim in our clean beach's ocean! But I'll leave y'all to party as we
hear from Ricky Martin's party, with "La Vida Loca"!"

[sings] Everything, Station KCWC!

Meanwhile backstage, at the stage, on CWCVille beach:

Jiggliami: "Oh my god! It's going to be just fantastic Blanca! JIGGLY!!! Our first concert ever! Thousands of fans! I couldn't be more excited if I'd become just as famous without having to leave my house! Yaayy!"

Blanca: "I'm excited too, Jiggliami! I play my tune in noise, and you sing with the power to energize the crowd, I'm proud of you!"

Jiggliami: "yeeah! After this concert we will be superstars, meaning we can have any man we want! And with that kawaii haircut of yours, you are so cute, as cute as sailor mercury!"

Blanca: "ehh you're the flirtatious diva of this stage girl, besides, there's only one heart I'm most interested in, although he's currently in another state of mind and dimension, I'll wait for him."

Jiggliami: "Come on. You're the guitar hero of this stage will wow the hearts of this audience, so lets live wi-wild, girl! HOOOOOH! Jiggly. Jiggly."

On another part of the beach, the girls are getting a tan, and Sonichu is about to go surfin'.

Sonichu: "Hey Rosey, I'm gonna go hit some waves. You and your gal-pals have fun. Thanks again for putting the sunscreen on me. hmm."

Rosechu: "And I thank you for doing my back as well sweet bolt. Be careful not to get electrical."

Sonichu: "Of course heartsweet. I'll check in later. Yeahhh. Hmm. Yeah."

Alright so then Angelica and Bubbles are nearby. Angelica says to Bubbles:

"So. Ex-pain to me again, why do you not need sunscreen?"

Bubbles: "Hm. You see Angie, I am a water type. My body is 90% water and my fur is capable of adapting to my surroundings. As I am on land, my fur adapts itself to reflect the sunlight off my skin so my skin is not affected by sun light. No sunburn, no muss (?)."

Angelica: "AHH. Ok."

Bubbles: "My only flaw with the bodily function is that I can't really enjoy getting a tan with y'all. Huh kind of a social flush really. Oh well."

And then as time passes by, we have a bunch of other people walking by. In the background Sonichu's surfing. Right now this mysterious Rosechu walks on by. Badoom badoom badoom. Just looks at the girls. anyway Rosechu says "Hm. What a weird woman. Do you know who she is Angelica?"

Angelica: "I dyuu-no, but I get a bad vibe from her."

And then an- and then Megagi and Bionic pass by.

Megagi: "Hey gal-pals. We're just enjoying the festivities."

Bubbles: "Megagi, Bionic, what's happenin'?"

Megagi: "Yeahh. We're just enjoying. Oh. I saw this cat gal fli- cat gal flirtin' with that Bionic, so I presented my claws of ownership. Ahahahaha! Well, catch you girls later."

And then later on a couple of other women pass by as well. Anyway, uh, Bubbles gets a thought- gets an incoming trans- incoming thought from Magi-chan.

Magi-chan: "Bubbles, I've just detected a Sonichu Chaotic crystal in the ocean. Please fetch it."

Bubbles: "OK OK, I'll fetch it in a minute Magi-chan."

And then right after that, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom (noise), "HEY!"

Magi-cha- bla-black Sonichu Blake, kicks sand at the girls' faces. "Hey."

And then Rosechu takes of her sunglasses, also Angelica spreads her wings, in a little bit anger and Rosechu says:

"Black Sonichu! What d'you do that for?"

Blake: "Hey don't blame me, the sand was in my- in the path of my foot."

Rosechu: "Oh why I oughta-"

Bubbles: "Rosey, no. Don't get up. I'll deal with this jerk" says Bubbles.

And then Bubbles grabs er, Blake's arm, and tie- and holds him behind his back like really pain- "AAAGHHHH" And then er, Bubbles whispers to Blake:

"You're doing great. Keep it up"

Blake: "Euh. Goood. Euhh. Uh. Euhhhh."

And then Bubbles walks Blake away from the girls, a distance.

Bubbles: "Alright big man. I'm gonna show you the power of a woman and it's not as gentle as you think it is."

And then the- and then off the distance, and, Rosechu knows a little bit.

Rosechu: "Heh. She thinks she can fool us, but it's so obvious that she and Blake are true lovers."

Angelica: "Ahhh yeah it is so cute yeah?"

Rosechu: "Yeahhh."
<center>

</center>

===Part 2===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xrxyvQhyYIw}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Bubbles]], [[Blake]], [[Graduon]], [[Silvana]], [[Yawning_Squirtle| Yawning Squirtle]], [[Punchy]], [[Angelica]], and [[Wild_Sonichu| Wild]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_18| Episode 18 Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3_2| Episode 18 Part 3]]
}}

====Transcript====

Now, during the whole time, Sonichu is still catching waves and surfing, especially as dit-, as pitayed in this Fan Art that was teriously contributed by Sonichu, Sonichu girl fan, [[Panda Halo]]. [A wistful murmur?]

A'way, continuing on with the story, [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]] get fa- get a good distance away from the girls, and they walk pa-, they walk beyond the stage, the bay shop and the pharmacy that's nearby. Bubbles lets go of him.

Ah, Ah.

Blake is panting.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah.

Bubbles look back to make sure the girls weren't looking, and she turns to look at Blake and sees him panting. And then she tends to make him feel better by rubbing his shoulders.

Bubbles (in the standard grating falsetto prescribed for all female characters): Aw. Did I hurt you badly?

Blake: Only a bit, my Bubbly (pronounced here as Buburbly).

Bubbles: Oh, I'm sorry Blakie-Boo (pronounced 'blue').

Blake: How long can we keep up this charade?

Bubbles: C'mon, you're doing very well! Hey listen, I have to dive for the last crystal; after I get it, I'll text your cell from mine. You wait fifteen minutes, and I'll meet you under pier 969; I'll make it up to you then.

Blake: Oh yeah, that sounds good. I'll wait for your call then meet you under 969.

Both: Good.

And then Bu- and then Bubbles runs to the ocean away from Blake, to get the bal- to get the crystal, and then nearby, the new Rosechu suddenly transforms into– Bubbles?

[Nasal whinnying, supposedly from the dastardly Silvana]

Some sort of deception is afoot!

But to best elaborate on that character, let's introduce the character. To let's– we have to go back into the fateful rainbow that originated from episode 1. In addition to the five eggs that hatched into the Chaotic Combo, numerous other eggs of various Sonees and Roseys emerged as well. This one was projected into Space and landed on the Earth's moon. So now I introduce Silvana Rosechu.

Silvana(?): Beep, beep, beep, beep.

The hatching date, Earth Time: February 1st, 1989. And just seconds after she's hatched, she's entrapped in some– in a psychic beam from Count Graduon. He's like:

Graduon: Ah! New Life! –for me to corrupt!

Keeping the new little Rosey safe in this bubble, [[Count Graduon]] enters her– enters her mind, and communicates with her.

Graduon: Little one among many, I am Count Graduon, illustrious wizard, revered by all more powerful than most. I have taken heart of you being born alone on the Earth's moon. I'm here to take you under my wing, and rear you properly, under my careful and wise judgment. I am a well-practiced parent of a young lady much like yourself; now she is a warrior princess. My beautiful Sylvia. I miss her every day since being 'ensphered' in my wand of a prison cell. I only wanted to bring peace and order, but a [[Cherokian]] chief sealed me in.

Silvana (in the creepiest baby voice ever): Syl-vi-a-na! (realizing her mistake) Silvana!

Graduon: Perfect. And with that, which was your first word, I dub thee [[Silvana]] Rosechu, but my care for you and your training has a small price. To better you, I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have [[duck|both]] [[china|parts]]. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.

And so, under Count Graduon's guidance and training, Silvana practiced her psychic powers, 'cause she is a Psychic type alone, and then eventually, she evolved into the Silvana Rosechu of to-day. And so, from after birth, Silvana mentally and physically became a strong warrior under the wicked guidance of Count Graduon from the Earth's Moon. Without maternal guidance, and low social interactions, Silvana had never learned to truly love, yet she, or he, learned to flirt without emotions. I can only take pity for this unlucky soul.

Now, back to the present story. Bubbles is swimming under the sea to locate the next crystal, and Magic-Chan guides her.

Magic-Chan: According to my psychic link, the crystal is about five miles from the shore, and about two or five thousand fathoms deep.

Bubbles: Don't worry. I'll find it soon enough.

''Woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob. Bum dum ba dum bum a dum bum''

[[Things Chris has ripped off|Sebastian the <s>Crab</s> Corphish]] ('singing' with curious attempt at accent): Under the sea! Under the sea! Down here it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me! The singing corphish. Hee hee he he he he.

[[Yawning Squirtle]]: Ernn. Ahhh! What are you doing, Corphish! You woke me up from my nap-squirtle!

Meanwhile, Blake was coming out of the nearby pharmacy after making a wise purchase.

Blake (smuttily): Oh yes, Bubbles. You will make up for earlier! (pervy laugh)

And he's got his fist up in victory, and then Bubbles comes in from behind and grabs his fist. Actually, it's not really Bubbles, it's Silvana as Bubbles! And she say:

Blake: Oh Bubbles! You surprised me!

Silvubbles: For you, Blakie-Boo, I am full of surprises.

Blake: What happened with the crystal search?

Silvubbles: I suddenly felt more ready for you, so I came back to play.

Blake: Oh awesome! I just picked up some condoms for our insurance policy.

Silvubbles: Oh, forget those; you're not raining on my parade, and I want you.

And then suddenly, he drops the box condoms, big mistake, and then he's like 'All right then! To our 969!'

Silvubbles: Hih hih hih hih hih.

Na, here's a note, when Silvana does it with either a Sonichu or a Rosechu, she or he secrets a paralyzing sleepful solution, rendering the unprotected victim asleep and defenseless. Just much like an STD in a couple who do intercourse. For your own safety, those of you who do it, wear a c- use a condom. I give y'all that advice. Ok, moving on with the story.

So we follow the pair to, so we walk, follow the duo to pier 969, he says:

Blake: Well, here we are.

Silvubbles: Ok, well let's do it, right here, right now!

Blake: OK!

[An array of disturbing noises follow; Chris barely differentiates between Blake and 'Bubbles' in tone] Mmm, mm! Oh, yeah, yeah! More, more! Yeah-

This goes on for about three- for about three– for about three minutes maximum. Then, [emulates the sound of splashing]

Blake is like, aw, Bubbles, you got there before I did. Oh wait a minute, I'm still feeling buzzed, yet I'm feeling kinda... [snores]

Silvubbles: Hih hih hih hih. Enjoy my sleep nectar, ya sap!

*Poor attempt at SMS message notification tone*

Blake's phone is ringing. Buh-buh. And then Silvana picks up and reads the text message from Bubbles.

Bubbles: Blake, I had to travel a ten-mile round trip, but I found the crystal. Meet you in 15! Hugs and kisses!

And now Silvana closes the cell phone, she makes her next transformation, and yet the real Blake notices that h- Silvana's transformed.

Blake: Bubbles? It's not– Bubbles. Is that me? No, what? The real Bubbles, my Bubbles. She's in trouble– must stop that im-postor. [Resumes snoring]

I must hide the sleeper, says Silvana, and then she picks up Blake, she picks up the Real Blake as a Blake impostor, she thinks 'jeez, you're heavy,' and then they teleport to the secluded area.

Meanwhile the real Bubbles is handing Angelica the crystal.

Bubbles: Hey, Angelica! I've found the final crystal. Please take it to [[Patti-Chan]] for me!

Angelica: Sure!

Bubbles: I have to go meet up with my boyfriend– I'll talk to you later.

Angelica: Ok!

So then Angelica flies off to the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] and the Mayor's Office. Meanwhile, Punchy and Wild are talking, just conversing.

[[Punchy]]: Hey, Wild! Isn't Angelica just the cutest?

[[Wild]]: I guess so.

Punchy: You guess so? She is simply the sweetest, charming Rosechu in the world! I fell for her back on the day we s- all met, but I've been too shy to ask her out, or even talk to her. I don't know what to do or say. I'm befuddled, says Punchy. And Wild replies:

Wild: Well, I've heard that the CWCville University is offering a [[Dating education]] class; I'm going to sign up for it, because I've been feeling lonely and I need to learn the whats and hows of approaching and dating a gal.

Punchy: Ah! Perfect! I will sign up for it too; then, I'll be able to ask Angelica out. Thank you, Wild, for informing me about that class.

Wild: No problem, Punchy.

===Part 3===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eJinET9fT8U}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Blake]], [[Silvana]], [[Bubbles]], and [[Magi-Chan]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2_2| Episode 18 Part 2]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4_2| Episode 18 Part 4]]
}}

====Transcript====
[NARRATOR]: Hmm. La'er on back-stage at the stage:

[JIGGLIAMI]: Jiggly jiggly jiggly. Hmm? Wha's goin' on in this closet here?

[BLAKE FALLS OUT]: ARP! Pffft!

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Gasp!] Blake Sonichu? [Pause] What'cha doin' in th' closet? Oh no! I better let Bubbles know about this.

[NARRATOR]: An' back at Pier Sis-sissy-nine-sissy-nine, Silvana-as-Blake appears-waits f-for the real Bubbles.

[BUBBLES]: Oh Blakey-Boo!

[BLAKEVANA]: Eh! Bubbly! Come. On. Over. For. A. Little. Romp.

[BUBBLES]: Cool.

[TELEPATHY]: V-v-v-v...

[MAGI-CHAN]: Bubbles.

[NARRATOR]: Magi-Chan interrupts the moment. [Pause] Thoughts. Bubbles.

[BUBBLES]: What now, Magi-Cheen? I jus' gave a crystal-gave a crystal to Angelica.

[MAGI-CHAN]: That there is not [pause for dramatic effect] Black Sonichu!

[BUBBLES]: Well he sure looks like my man to me. Now let us-now leave us alone.

[MAGI-CHAN]: Your questionable-your questioning is reasonable, but you should test his electric powers to prove his true identity.

[BUBBLES]: Yeah. Like I'm gonna drop all my trust in him just like *that*?

[MAGI-CHAN]: Suit yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you.

[NARRATOR]: And then her phone rings-and then Bubbles phone rings.

[PHONE]: Ring! Ring! Ring!

[NARRATOR]: And then she picks up. It's Jiggliami. She picks up.

[JIGGLIAMI]: Bubbles! I just foun' Blake in the closet- back-stage closet!

[BUBBLES]: [Sigh] Listen. [Realizes this is Jiggliami's line]

[JIGGLIAMI]: Listen! Bubbles, listen!

[NARRATOR]: Blake. Blake. Blake is talking. Blake. Listen, Blake.

[BLAKE]: [Yawn] Bubbles? The black sonichu at the pier is a transforming ''impostor''. [Voice dies] Stay away. From him. Ugh!

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Sounds like "he fell on tonsils again"] I'll rush him to the Pokémon Center. I'll be back!

[PHONE]: '''BEEP!'''

[BUBBLES]: [Heartbroken] Blakey... Boo? [whimper] [Pause] [Suspiciously] ''Who is this black sonichu?'' Uh, I'll play it cool for now. Hmm.

[BLAKEVANA]: Ey. What keptcha?

[BUBBLES]: Eh. Nothing, Blakey. Let's do this right. Give me a thunderbolt attack. Come on! It'll turn me on! Hmm.

[NARRATOR]: In thinking-thoughts:

[SILVANA]: Thunderbolt? Oh man! I can't even make a ''spark''! But I can-I can't say no, she'll get-she would suspe't something! I'll have to stick to a psychic attack.

[BLAKEVANA]: Eh. Yeah. Sure thing.

[PSYCHIC NEEDLES]: Vrm-vrlorm-rm-bleh.

[NARRATOR]: [Mumbles] Silvana-as-Blake launches some ''psychic needles''.

[PSYCHIC NEEDLES]: Frm-frm-frm-frm.

[NARRATOR]: And Bubbles is kinda enjoyin' it. A lil' bit.

[BUBBLES]: Hmm.

[NARRATOR]: But then also-but also realizes the differences, like, ''that is not thunderbolt.'' An' then Bubbles says after he stops the attack:

[BUBBLES]: That felt good, [pauses for dramatic effect] BLACK SONICHU.

[BLAKEVANA]: Black Sonichu?

[BUBBLES]: BUT THAT WAS NOT A THUNDERBOLT! WHO ARE YOU?

[NARRATOR]: AND THEN SHE LAUNCHES A WHIRLPOOL to sw-to s-circle the two.

[WHIRLPOOL]: [Gently] Ffffff.

[BLAKEVANA]: Heh.

[NARRATOR]: Says the impostor-Blake, the Blake-impostor.

[BLAKEVANA]: Heh. Saw through my disguise, did you? Well I'll tell you that I did better than your Blakey-Boo did. He couldn't- he couldn't tell the difference between- he couldn't tell the difference himself.

[WATER]: [Gently] Fffff.

[NARRATOR]: An' then she-Silvana pulls a drape of water around over him-herself-itself and turns back into Silvana Rosechu.

[SILVANA]: And as for who I will say that I was sent by a "friend" of your mayor and that this is not totally a girl talk.

[BUBBLES]: WHAT DID YOU DO TO BLAKE?

[SILVANA]: Sweetheart, [evil laugh] Ehuhuhuh, I never kiss and do tell.

[BUBBLES]: UGN! [Long and drawn out] BEE~!!

[NARRATOR]: She launches some thunderbolts within the whirlpool. Aimed at the- aimed at Silvana.

[BUBBLES]: [Sounds constipated] Ehhhhhhhhhn~!

[NARRATOR]: But then she teleports away from the path of the lightning and jus' levitates in the-in the eye of the- of the whirlpool. And she says:

[SILVANA]: How can you even ''think'' that wor'? Unlike you Bubbles, I am not woman. Bye now!

[TELEPORTS]: Fffffft.

[NARRATOR]: An' then she teleports away. An' then Bubbles stops the whirlpool. An' then-an' then she drops to her knees- drops to her knees tired.

[BUBBLES]: [Pant! Pant! Pant!]

[NARRATOR]: An' then she calls on Magi-Chan:

[BUBBLES]: Magi-Chan?

[MAGI-CHAN]: Yes, Blake? [Corrects himself] Yes, Bubbles?

[BUBBLES]: Please teleport me to Blake.

[MAGI-CHAN]: Yes, Bubbles. Righ' away.

[TELEPORTS]: Fffffft. Fffffp!

[NARRATOR]: But then at the Pokémon Center Bubbles is nearby Blake's bed. Mla-mla and then Blake wakes up to see her.

[BLAKE]: Bubbles. You're safe.

[BUBBLES]: Blakey-Bloo. Are you okay? What'd she DO to you?

[NARRATOR]: Blake an' Bubbles also thinks:

[BUBBLES]: Can I really refer ''it'' as a ''she''? If it was not a woman, then what was it? What a world we live in where such tr- what a world we live in when such trolls in it.

===Part 4===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tZCypECl8gU}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Jamsta]], [[Troll]], [[Sonichu]], and [[Rosechu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3_2| Episode 18 Part 3]]
| next = [[Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_19| Episode 19]]
}}

====Transcript====
[NARRATOR]: And then that night, at the beach's stage, am-juh-Jamsta Sonichu MC's the event.

[JAMSTA]: Ladies and dudes... CWCville Shopping Center, CWC Cola, and [[KCWC|station K-C-Dubya-C]] are proud to present, for her pop star debut, JIGGLIAMI!

[CROWD]: [Chris fails at attempting to make the sound of an entire crowd cheering]

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Falsetto] Thank you citizens of CWCville, Virginia! My debut song was inspired by my old pikachu boyfriend, who suddenly disappeared from out home field. [Inhales] I have missed him a lot, and yearn for his safe return. Inna mean time, I present to y'all, "War of Love"."

[CROWD]: [yet another lackluster attempt at the cheering crowd]

[MUSIC PLAYING]: Duhdadadahdahdahdah dah dah duuuuuh...

[JIGGLIAMI]: [singing] ♪ I can't hide this feeling anymore, doncha know this... the fever of love, dark clouds were hangin' low, a busy city had lost its color. Sunshine hiding away, twilight fading out, -JIGGLI!-, a shadow... me now, the world is not how it used to be...but I still want you, what could I do... what should I do, baka dana watashi, it's the war of love. ♫

[MUSIC PLAYING]: Bumbuh bum bum bah bum bah buum, dunna dunna dunna duuuh, DUUUUUUHHNN...

♪ I can't give you up, I hate to see you smile to every girl, 'cept me. I wanchoo so bad, too heavy and too deep. Please focus on me, I will show you how much you love me -JIGGLI!-, I scream out to you with a megaphone to find it broken, I try to reach up as high as I can, but cher eyes are never on meee! Now I look up to da sky, ...to find that it has been cleared, but it was not done for me, I can't stop these feelings, they're getting out of hand. Owah could I do? Wha' should I do? I swear in this love I'll never give you up, daisuki, it's the war of looove. ♫

[MUSIC PLAYING]: DAAHnuh, dunna dunna duuh duh... lalla,luh lah lah lah lah, dung, dong, buh dong...mm, bung.

[CROWD]: [Chris's attempt at the cheering crowd has gotten slightly more excited]

[NARRATOR]: After the concert, [[Blanca]] found her boyfriend and left for their homestead of Kentucky. Jiggliami stayed in Cwcville to record her albums in accordance to "Jive Records" and CWCville studios. Currently, in the time void, or rather within my heart and head, a consequential conflicting decision had to be made. At this time in my life, I had met, an' unknowingly to myself, flirted with three wimmen on the innernet, I could choose only one. But with the help of [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] two paths were... light-lit up for me and realized that they were not the right paths.

[VOICES]: Christian! Christian! Christian~!

[NARRATOR]: I hadda to choose between these three women who won mah' heart, one at a time, all yet in mah' [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_3#IBAChandler.27s_Entry|autumn goodbye]]. Sadly one died in an automobile accident. [Sigh] In memory of that Sarah Jackson. A [[True_and_Loyal_Fanbase|true Sonichu fan]] and [[Gal_pal|gal-pal]]. May she rest in peace. An' one turned out to be a troll.

[TROLL]: MAM-BOM BIDDY BOM BIDDY BOM! POM POM BIDDY BOM BIDDY BO~OM!

[???]: Shut the dang door! [Pause] They can't take over if you keep them outta your home~!

[NARRATOR]: Hmm. But one was true, honest, and compassionate. Understanding. FUN! A true gir-a true girl. A true woman. An' a sweet singer from the [pause] flip-side of the world. My [pause] thought-to-be-true sweetheart who I would've promise my [pause] first time to and would'a remained loyal to forever. Ah. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie. She was [pause] [[PandaHalo|P-Panda Halo]]. [Sigh] She died months-she [sigh] died a-a-at this time- in the real time she died about January, 2009 in the brushfires of Australia. [Pause] She will never be forgotten, even though I promised my heart to her before the time she did but she had not died I would'a kept my promise. But then I met other women a-s-side from that anyway. Rest in peace, Sarah.

[NARRATOR]: [Long pause] AN' NOW SOME WISE WORDS FROM SONICHU AN' ROSECHU!

[SONICHU]: 'Ey loyal r-loyal readers-s.

[ROSECHU]: 'Ey loyal readers. Sonichu an' I wish to take a moment to inform you that although our lil' [pause] ''fun moment'' from episode s-seventeen by popular demand we want to remind you to practice safe sets wi' condoms an' birth control prescriptions from a certified medical doctor. [Pause] Information on safe sets as well as STDs can be foun' in th' books atchur local library or on l-legi'mate medical websites on th' innernet. We, Christian Weston Chandler, and everyone in this hand-drawn series fully support safe sets and th' proper use of comdoms for vaginal-penile innercourse. Hmm.

[SONICHU]: Also, in 'ddition, while we have fully support setsual edu'ation in high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, ''dating'' education classes, because while safe set is great for the eventual well-earned intercourse after three or so dates, it is vital to learn what to do even to get to date number one! It should be well-taught on how to approach and ats one member of the opposite gender up toward the very first date. Our generation an' future generations [pause] are at [pause] great-er-great risk if we do not support dating education. Especially when th-[pause] especially when tha' when we consider the homosetsuals. [Disgusted] They're all... s-! UGH! [Cheerfully] Anyway, we thank you all for your support. Have a safe day. An' enjoy life. Peace.

[NARRATOR]: Stay tuned for the nets episode. Thank you.

{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Book 8 Videobooks|linkname=Sonichu Book 8 Videobooks}}
{{Videobooks}}

Sonichu 8 Official Videobook

2010-12-21T14:10:27Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: {{Deletedvideo}} up at the top, since it's the whole page. Also added a __TOC__ to position the template where it works best.

'''Sonichu 8 Official Videobook''' is a series of videos made by [[Chris]], in which he reads out the comics from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. He started uploading these videos on 19 [[September 2009]].
__TOC__

{{Deletedvideo}}
==Episode 17==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yr1_oI18CYk}}
| Stardate = 19 September [[2008]]
| Maker = [[Chris|ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Rosechu]], [[Sonichu]], [[Wild_Sonichu| Wild]], [[Thurston_Howell_III| Mr. and Mrs. Howell]], and [[Beel]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#KCWC_Special| KCWC Special]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2| Episode 17 Part 2]]
}}

====Transcript====
And now for the, uh, OK version... of... Book Number Eight. And by OK version I mean the OK version of-ab-bu of the, uh...next episode. Anyway, all Sonichu material is [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] March 17, [[2009]], to Christian Weston Chandler. Any names or persons illustrated in any of the Sonichu comic books except that of myself that may seem similar to anyone in real life or fiction are purely coincidental or otherwise [[Parody|parodic]]. And to note, some of the following comic pages contain scenes of censored [[Honest Content]] that may not be suitable to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

Anyway, here's the cover.

(''falsetto'') Woohoo, it's Spring Break! Yayyyy!! Everybody runnin' 'round on the beach yaayy!!
(''normal voice'') And we're featuring a spring break launch concert featuring-
(''terrifying, inhuman squeak'') JIGGLIAMIII. Hihighgihdghidhidiiiii.

(''normal voice'') Prologue of Episode 17. Continued from an hour after Sonichu and Rosechu's date, 10 p.m., November 3rd 2007. For your inform- For your information, Sonichu turned 19, March 17th 2000, and Rosechu turned 18 September 22nd 2006.

Sonichu and Rosechu have been living together in a cozy single story...fully paid...fully paid house. (From CWCville funds.) This is a map locating their house and the city...limits. Yeah. Mm. Basically their house is located midpoint between the mall, and a metropolis within that subdivision. At Humble 14 Branchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024, 1982. Thank god I took Computer Aided Draft and Design ([[CADD]]) classes to make these accurate measurements. Plus also, they have been married since [[2006]]. March 2006. Getting on with the story.

Inside the Master Bedroom that night after their fun date.

(''falsetto'') Here Sweet Bolt, we're both nice and clean. Ready to get dirty agaiiin.

(''normal voice'') You bet ya sweet bawd, gurl. Good thing we stopped for a [[Raincoat|pack of condoms]]. It's too bad the regular ones break easily on my...[[Duck|seven-incher]]. It's more like...s...more like "Size 5 or Less" to measure those wimps.

(''falsetto'') Well, maybe the double extra length'll stay long- stay stronger and longer on your healthy girth!

(''mistakenly in falsetto'') Well I'm- (''normal voice'') Well I'm into a little missionary, cowgirl. You think you can handle it?

(''falsetto'') I think I can, HOT SHOTTT. I think I can hot shot. Insert Rod A into Slot B!

(''normal voice'') Mmm. Let's pause for a moment, um, never mind we'll skip that part, uh, I had to cut that part out. Anyway.

Anyway, Episode 17. Rage Against The Garbage.

The next morning at 10am, November 3rd [[2007]] in the master bedroom, Rosechu's lookin' on the computer and Sonichu's just gettin' up to greet her. She got up earlier.

Good mornin', too-cute-to-bolt! Last night was awesome! I had a dream that we double-date with [[Bionic]] and Mejajy- [[Megagi]]. How'd you like to SING?!

Rosechu replies,

(''falsetto'') Cool ya cuddlin, Sonichu. I was just checkin' out this webpage Kelly told me about yesterday. It seriously drags Chris' and our names through major MUCK!

(''normal voice'') Whoa, really?

(''falsetto'') Hecks yeah! Take a look at.

(''normal voice'') Huh. Some major [[4chan|4-cent_garbage]].

(''falsetto'') Dot com, yes. But it gets worse beyond the texsxst.

(''normal'') WHAT?! When was that photo taken? Did someone sneak through our neighborhood watch and intrude in our house just to put a camera in here and take a peek shots of you and me? Not only that but Bubbles and BLAKE? And since when did Angelica did THAT? and when did Slaweel Ryam sell herself out? And when did Christian and Meg-chan-

(''falsetto'') SONICHU! [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Those are hand drawings. Not photographs.]]

(''normal'') Oh. Still, they look so lifelike.

(''falsetto'') Ugh. And this, to my most distressed distaste is the apex of the page.

URGH

(''whoosh sound effect'')

He rushes to the bathroom.

(''falsetto'') Hmm. Well, I certainly feel like crying that game as well. Thank god for blessing me with a healthy set of woman parts. How dare they portray me otherwise, those monsters?! [[Curse|Cursssse]] every last idiot behind this garbage!

(''Sonichu vomiting, also a typical reaction to any Sonichu strip'') URGHGH HURRGH EURRGFFF BLUEERGH HREERGH poor Sonichu HERGHHB BELERRGHH ERGHFFF UGH ERRGH UGH ARRERGHH GERGHHHH BLEARGH.

He crawls back in.

(''normal voice'') I can't believe those...those...monsters! Ugh, last time I checked you're an all-true, full-fledged WOMAN, and you were the main woman in this month's Pokayboy magazine! If the centerfolds of this magazine is not proof that you're a woman, then you'd have to go down there and prove it...to them. OHHH.

(''coughing'') Ugh.

(''falsetto'') Oh my god Sonichu! Oh my [[sweetbolt]], you got stressed out from the shock!

(''normal'') I'm sawry.

(''falsetto'') Here, rest your weary head and recover your strength. We'll go to their main building later and try to reason with them.

(''falsetto'') Egh, I'm so mad at them! HNNG. Lousy dickhead idiots! They think they can get away with putting a sh...strap-on all over mah glorious beautiful pussy? Their behinds are gonna get SPANKED HARD! Mm. Well, I'll start by replacing their slanderous mockeries with an equal number of my own [[Rule 34|self-centerfolds]]!

(''sound effects'') Prf. Beep beep! Doin' this in the bathroom...TIKWERR! KWIKWERR! KWIKWERR! KLIKWERR! CLICK WHIRR! CLICK WHIRR. CLICK WHIRR. CLICK WHIRR.

(''normal voice'') Thirty minutes later, she comes out of the bathroom with her...pictures on the memory card.

(''tuneful sound effects'') Beep-beep, beep-beep beep-beep-beep beep-beep beep.

(''falsetto'')Hmmm...Shoot! That's 10 more or so o' those dang images there were...than there were earlier. (''unintelligible'') showed up. Hmm... Uh! I should ask [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for their assistance! They'll be glad to rally for [[Women's rights|the cause]]!

LATER THAT DAY, at 1:45pm, at 4-cent_garbage building, in Clarksville, Tennessee. Sssssseventy-two stories.

(''normal voice'') Wow, that's tall, exclaims Sonichu.

(''falsetto'') Sonichu, stay focused. We're here to meet the head of this company and reason with him.

(''normal voice'') Yes, my blossoming zapbud. That's why we are here. Hey, it was good of [[Magi-chan]] to teleport us here. By the way, you called earlier to make our appointment, what was the name of who we're meetin' again?

(''falsetto'') Well, he did not give his last name, but he only introduced us, as "[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]]".

(''sudden horrible accent'') Oh, Lovey! If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, not to leave your purse at our mansion!

(''falsetto'') I'm sorry, Thurston. But we were on that island for so long, I've gotten used to strolling without it!

(''accent'') Indeed!

Heh heh.

(''normal voice'') Well, while y'all are [http://equotes.wetpaint.com/page/Ric+Flair+Quotes wheelin' and dealin'] wi', I'll search for the sixth So- Sonichu... <s>[[Homos|Ball]]</s> Chaotic Crystal. That Magi-chan detected in the building.

(''TL;DL'') A day doesn't go by when I can't help but appreciate the stealth teachings of my father. He was leader of his cut-sharp clan of Scyther and <s>Scizor</s> Sizzor. One day on a mission to- for swi- swift revenge on the Charmeleon cult for burning down the jungle dojo, he was captured by poachers. I was close behind his trail when it happened. I wept as I saw him being put into their van. I tried to release my fahurrr, but he told me, to stop. He said there was no way I could cut through that steel. They drove off, and the last thing I saw of him was a passing...of-the-torch look in his eyes. Since then, I swore revenge on those...monsters.

(''falsetto'') Just be safe, Wild. Don't get yourself caught.

(''normal voice'') Yeah, we support ya, man. If you get caught, we'll come to your rescue.

And then S- Wild Sonichu goes into his...Conversion attack to blend in with all surroundings. (I learned it from a passing Porygon.) Then Wild Sonichu dashes into the building, in his camouflage. And Sonichu comments, Wow. When Wild blends in, he dun' fool around! Now let's go clean the mud off our good names. And then Sonichu and Rosechu walk into the building themselves. Wild-eh pretty much, deh, Wild dashed in quickly, ah, mm, yeah he dashed in right behind 'em. Anyway.

They walk in, 'n'de'like, wooooooow. Yeah.

DUN DUN DUN DUUN DUUN DUUUN.

(''falsetto'') Wow, it really sets the mood.

(''normal voice'') Yeah. If you live in a volcano.

Sonichu and Rosechu approach the nearby receptionist desk. (Ah, excuse me, my lady friend and I have a 2 o'clock appointment with the head of your company.) And he's just sittin' there, watching his o- watching his own, watching the own s- stuff that's, uh, goin' up an' down on the, uh, ED site, on the, 4-cent_garbage site. Anyway, he replies,

(''retarded deep voice'') Yer, sure, go- Go the opposite side o' column, and take de elevator to floor sitsty sits PLUS sits. (''clearing throat'') EGH-HEM.

(''normal voice'') Ah, excuse me, but that math equation, wouldn't it be the seventy-second floor?

(''deep voice again'') YES! IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL! GET GOIN, I'M BUSY HERE! AAEERRHHH!!!

(''normal voice'') ...Gee...thanks.

(''video abruptly ends'')

===Part 2===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RTS9xtC9nGU}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Jason]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_1| Episode 17 Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3| Episode 17 Part 3]]
}}

====Transcript====
So they go around to the other side of the column and Rosechu pushes the elevator button. ENGH! Can you belive how rude that guy was? He wouldn't even turn around for simple eye contact!

''(falsetto)'' Sonichu, I understand that he offended you, but remember the story of-Joseph's story? Forgiveness.

''(normal voice)'' Dunnnnnnnnn.

''(falsetto)''We are all blessed with the light of god. Just take your time and enjoy and pray.

''(normal Voice)'' Yeah. Mm-kay. Jesus did die for us. Thank you Rosey. You are my best voice of reason alongside Jesus. Huh. Hmmm. But it makes me wonder, if there's a jerk like that on this floor, I can only imagine what else can be on the other floors here.

Meanwhile, oh yeah, while there is the exit in the back of the building. Pfft. He's in the camouflage. And he has the crystal... the chaotic crystal in his hand. And he senses d-d-senses that the uh he has to go up to find the next one. And so he shoots his vine whip. ''(assorted wooshing sounds)'' He latches on to the-uh four hook ceiling piece, and then winds himself upwards. Going up and up and up and up until... Until the uh crystal in his hand lets him know that he's on the right floor to uh, to where the next crystal is.

Meanwhile Sonichu and Rosechu are getting a view of what's on the other floors. Like on the second floor these two guys are working on the uh 4-cent_garbage site. They clock in and out in sync. "Hey dude! You get over your hangover yet? You ready to work?" "Yeah, I think so" "Great I'm gonna check out my shift." All the other guys are Conked out...passed out, cuz it's not their shift yet. Then he glugs his reeb, heh-heh, and then he conks out. "OK well it's my shift then, Heheheheh, everybody else get drunk and I'm going online now it's my turn." That's their response they just disgusted over it.

And then they go to the next floor and they see this tho-they see this little thing happening. "I don't understand what's the deal with that. A bear?" I dunno. And then this person's saying "I hate SRMS whatever that is." ''(falsetto)'' I don't get this either. I don't even get it myself. Seriously. As the author, I do not get it. I really don't understand that. Anyways, continuing on.

7th Floor, they notice that somebody is putting another wrong thing on Rosechu. She dashes out of the elevator, and clobbers the guy and lets him know.

''(falsetto)'' I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, ya freak!

And then on the next floor, sonichu notices that, uh another wrongful image and homes attacks the guy behind that and "Ahh that just really ticks me off!"

And then on the next floor they both see something that really offends the both of them and they just give this guy a thunderbolt. "Ahh!"

And then on the next floor it's like you know I had to warp in and take a shot at it. I mean,that's a soda cup! That's a beverage cup from a *Cough* target or get-tar cafe. And what did I say against that sour vegetable? ''(More whooshing noises with mouth)'' Yayyy! Bravo! ''(More weird mouth breathing)'' Good show! They applaud me. OK! See ya in the next book!

On the 11th floor we've got this silly comic.

''(Creepy falsetto)'' Nyaa! 2d! It's easy to change the nappy! You like all men just don't have the courage. You have courage only to watch these useless zombies movies! Kekukekukeku.

''(weird voice)'' I could name many things that would show you my courage! But I'm thinking we need to remember to do we got memory. We got married.

''(Normal voice)'' Eh. Now that's just plain sad.

''(Falsetto)'' Yeah.

And then on this floor, "Huh. Since when did Knuckles become so popular?"

Whaat!? Geeze, it's that bear again. What is up with that bear.

''(Abrupt Cut to next page)'' Then on the 69th floor. Hmmm. From the director, which is me, I wish to take a moment to inform you that-the reader, that even though this image of an Xbox 360 was drawn in the form of an anime girl android, it does not reflect in any shape or form my idea of women so the following act I will do unto a hand-drawing recreation of the console only reflects my hatred towards the hex-box in general. Not any feelings towards women, anime or real. Ladies, I care about y'all. Although y'all will be... although only one will be my true sweetheart. Surely will not be this girl. Because she's fake.

Anyway ''Pfft sound effect'' On the next floor.

''(falsetto)'' "Yeahh! Kill that Hex-box!"

''(Normal voice)'' We have a new trophy! Killed the Hex-Box! Now you can play your Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace! Hooray!

''(Cut to next Page)''But on one of the earlier floors as they passed by, Wild jumps on the Floor. ''(Chris preforms a poor a capella of the pink panther theme)'' And then Sonichu comments on one of the floors that's omitted, "Eh, What card game is that from?" ''(More off-key a capella)'' Locked ''(Still more a capella, sudden drop in voice volume)'' And he shoots out a couple... shoots out a razor leaf. Uses it as a lockpick ''(More fucking a capella)'' He senses it... He sees a safe but, you know what the crystal's not in the safe it's on the dresser nearby. So he picks it up. Peeeeeoooww! And then he suddenly becomes visible again! "Shoot! The crystal's powers have overridden my conversion! Magi-chan, do you read me, Magi-chan, respond over!" He tries to get in touch with him telepathically. "Dang. This must be-this must some kind of force field blocking psychic links! I gotta get out of here without being spotted! Hmm. Legendary Crystals! Rest your power in my arms and remain dormant!" Vun Voom! And then the crystals disappear from in his hands and into his arms.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and Rosechu get off on the 72nd Floor and approach... Jason!

''(Garbled Voice)'' "Visitors! Welcome to my heck! I am Jason! A 20-year-old troll who offers only slanderous mockeries! And this is my Accomplice, Kathleen! You two are here to talk about the Chris-chan page on my 4-cent_garbage Website!"

And then Sonichu glances at Rose-and then Sonichu and Rosechu glance at each other and they're like "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah." Hmm. And then Sonichu goes "Yes Sir! My loving caring sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it be removed from the internet for good!" ''(Some sort of Patriotic a capella Freestyle)'' "For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud. You also drag the American homes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great humble United States of America among-along with him! You've had your laughs, but ask yourself: is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders, that drags the name of good people, within this country that was founded with love and peace within it, that those before us have fought valiantly to withhold... that was-that I was born and raised under the old gory that is the red white and blue. ''(still more a capella)'' For the free and the home of the braaaave! "In my answer I say nay! What is your answer Mr. Howell?"

''(Garbled voice)'' I say you are a sap!" ''(shouting)'' I am a troll, with no such beliefs! I know that we are born, then we die! I intend to make the most of my pitiful life tormenting every person within my grasp... until they all die from the shame and dis-and the distress of their existence! The page will stay up! This meeting is over!"

''(Normal voice)'' What you say?! I will not let you stand up to me and talk to me like that!

''(Video abruptly ends)''

===Part 3===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|94bIJbD5jV4}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]]/[[Vamprosa]], [[Jason]], and [[Wild_Sonichu| Wild]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2| Episode 17 Part 2]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4| Episode 17 Part 4]]
}}

====Transcript====
HAAAAAAA And then Sonichu launches a thunderbolt attack against his-against Jason Howell. And then he made (?) defensive with a dark force shield *pwfooo Woosh!* Then Sonichu laun-does a figure 8, and launches towards Jason throwing one heck of a punch! "HAAAAYYYYYYAAA!!" "Uff!" But uh to be frozen-to be frozen in mid air by his dark force. "Errrngh!" ''(inhales sharply)'' And Rosechu watches in shock! And then Mr. Jason flings Sonichu away from the force. "Waaaaaah!"

And Soni-Rosechu is just ready to catch him and she catches him "uff!" ''(Falsetto)'' "Sonichu, Sonichu! Are you alright? Wake Up!" (''Incoherent mumbling'') I'm sorry what'd you say?

(''Normal Voice'') My angle was right on time to catch my home run.

(''Falsetto'') Awwwwwwwww I love you too sweet bolt.

And then getting up with Rosechu's Support, the Rosechu supporting Sonichu with her body she... she says (''Falsetto'') "Sonichu let's go. There's no reasoning with that jerk."

''(Normal voice)'' But...

''(Falsetto)'' Forgiveness. Just like Joseph taught us and Jesus.

Erngh. And then Sonichu just looks a back at Jason with a mean grimace. Erngh.

Meanwhile Wild Sonichu is ah, decided to... he jumps up to the ceiling from the inside room and then he crawls out through the... through the door's entrance on the ceiling. And then he launches a vine whip ''(more stupid blowing noises)'' and he clings to the-to the middle column. And then he... wait and then using the sticky...appendages he cli-he cli- he climbs around the column. Do-do-do-do-do-do. And then he makes a viant leap down.

But back in the-uh 72nd floor Sonichu and Rosechu make their way out Jason comes ''(Garbled Voice)'' That's right Rosechu! Go! Go and play with your pickle!

And he throws a- he throws a real pickle-a vegetable pickle and hits Rosey on the head! Pook!

And she ma-and then she looks down and then she gets offended a little bit... and then she looks down upon it. And then she picks it up. Erngh and she gets really angry! And then she... KRCH! Breaks it in half with one fist! Eeeeeeeennnnnngh! And then she gets up and starts to get really really angry and she's got fire in her eyes! And then she just takes ah-and then she takes a look back at that jerk with a straight tail! Errrrgh! But in the last sane moment before she really gets angry, she warns, she asks Sonichu to fetch her clothes. And he says "Uhh... Sure." And she unzips her boots and then she uh she jumps out of her boots. And she jumps very high and in midair she derobes herself and Sonichu catches her clothes and he's like "oh".

She lands midway between Sonichu and Jason in her-in her bra and panties and shouts ''(Falsetto)'' I've got three shocking bits for you, jerk!

And during a short time she thinks to herself ''(falsetto)'' "I am the power! I am the warrior! I am the almighty women! True to all my gender, I will overthrow... overpower any evil and good-or good man who defies us! I ma-I make him succumb to our will! I have the almighty uterus... that makes me strong and super-powerful enough to protect the loved ones within me until they emerge in their glorious birth! But my ferocious will... I shall punish he who has defiled my people with the worst unnatural addition ever by this one's heinous hand! I am woman! Hear me roar!

And after a transformation, she lunges right at him! ''(Falsetto)'' Aaaaaarrrrrr!

And she sits on-and she sits on his sh-on his shoulders with her front to his face! And then she digs into his head... leaves a whol-leaves a whol-makes a whole bunch of scratches. Kttch! And then she leans-leans down to chomp him on his... chomp his head! And then she lets out a mighty thunderbolt! ''(bunch of whooshing sound effects)'' And Sonichu is like "Whoa!"

And then she pounces away-and then she-after she's done she makes him fall-lets him fall to the ground and then she pounces back towards Sonichu. ''(Deep Breathing)'' And yet uh the Jason is still alive. Just uh hanging on-hanging on a thread he say "I should be dead. But dark forces keep me alive! Wow! What a show that was!"

In her emotional recovery, Rosechu transforms back to her naked self. Which is a good reason for Sonichu to have her clothes on hand. "Rosechu are you okay?"

''(Deep breathing, then in falsetto)'' "I'll be okay. I just need to recover." ''( More deep breathing)''

"Anyways here are your clothes I'll wait for you."

And a couple of minutes later in the elevator. And Sonichu's like "Wow! Rosie, I never thought you could be so strong!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Yeah."

''(Normal voice)'' "You even had me going! Wow!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Great thank you-eh thank you sweet bolt."

''(Normal voice)'' "No worries. We'll get you home and you can rest for awhile. You were awesome!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Yeah. Hmm. What happened? I became so angry and then I transformed into some... monster! It took over me like some primal instincts! I couldn't control it! I hope this thing doesn't emerge again!"

Anyways the elevator comes down quickly. But anyway Wild... it lands on the ground right in front of the elevator entrance in the back... on the uh south side of the column. And then he makes a vine whip ''(Barely audible whooshing noise)'' Clings to the ceiling and he launches himself to the ceiling and then he crawls above the front entrance to wait for Sonichu and Rosechu's return. And then a couple of minutes later Sonichu and Rosechu approach the exit-approach the entrance as it and Wild leaps down from the ceiling in front of them to greet them.

"Wild. Glad to see you're safe! Did you find the crystal?"

"Yes, I got it. I had-I had to hide the power within my arms. I'll release them when I get-when I get them to Patti-chan."

''(Falsetto)'' "Hmm. Well I'm afraid our mission was not a success. That Jason is a real jerk! Errgh! I guess all we can do is pray for its- for the website's downfall. Hmm."

''(Normal voice)'' "Well, let's get back to CWCville! Magi-Chan?"

And then-And then back in CWCville, Magi-Chan hears their...hears their telepathic cry and he's like "I read y'all. Sonichu, I shall teleport you three back to CWCville right now."

Later on in the Mayor's Office, Hmm... Sign-Alison is preparing-is storing-is doing some document work she says ''(mild falsetto)'' "Sign this, deny this, deny that, approve that. Hmm. I shouldn't have left Hollywood."

Then within the office in the file cabinet room where we got the... where crystal is hanging round the moment Patti-Chan the uh crystals they have out. Magi-Chan says-Wild enters and Magi-Chan says "You have the crystals?"

And he says "Yes. Legendary crystals, hear my call. Reveal your powers from my arms hallowed halls!" And then the crystals appear in his hands.

And then they put the crystals into the dome, where they will be safe.

''(Falsetto)'' "Well with my master in possession of two of the crystals, there is only one left to collect. Come back soon master! Arf!"

The end of the episode.

===Part 4===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WFLh7NoLb2k}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Rosechu]], [[Lolisa]], [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], [[Simonla]], and [[Zapina]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3| Episode 17 Part 3]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_18| Episode 18]]
}}

{{quote|Ammagonflarfloo!|Zapina}}

[NARRATOR]: Hmm. Lei-ih-in the epilogue. Later, in Sonichu and Rosechu's backyard, Sonichu has the camera in his hand, while the other, while the Rosechus are gathering. And Rosechu says to Lolisa:

[ROSECHU]: ''(falsetto)'' Ah, thanks for coming, again for coming over to help, Lolisa.

[LOLISA]: Eh, no problem, I'm happy to help. It really bothers me knowing that such a slander against our womanhood is goin' on right now! Ech!

[ROSECHU]: Well, once we get our s-centra'fold shots and uploaded, those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights!

[BUBBLES]: ''(even higher, babyish falsetto)'' Yeah! And if nothing else, we can still have lots of fun trying!

{ANGELICA]: ''(ungodly baby voice with some weird accent)'' With our [???] and our peaceful protest, we can wen to sahvov.

[BUBBLES]: ''(in Rosechu's voice)'' Victory for women's lib!

[ALL][???]: ''(Sings "[[http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/marypoppins/stepintime.htm| Step in Time]]" from the movie "[[Mary Poppins]]")'' "Votes for women, step in time! Votes for women, step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, votes women step in time!" [Singing stops] VOTES FOR WOMEN!

[ROSECHU][???]: VOTES FOR WOMEN! Downfall of 4-cent's-s garbage's-s garbages! Well done, sister electric hedgehogs.

[LOLISA]: Hmm. Well. My associate shoul' be back soon with the ba-drops so we can get this party started.

[NARRATOR]: And then Lolisa continues to s-s-[cuts himself off]

[LOLISA]: And I think she's here now!

[TUNNELS BEING DIGGED]: V-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-

[SIMONLA POPS UP]: Pffffffffft!

[LOLISA]: You are in the righ' pl- [Realizes that she isn't supposed to be speaking yet]

[SIMONLA]: [Sounds like a dude] Oh, I hope that -UGH!- I hope this is the right place. I hate this-I hate making mistaken turnin' the wrong place.

[LOLISA]: Oh, you're in the right place, Simonla.

[SIMONLA]: Lolisa! Excellent. Hmm.

[LOLISA]: You're right on time. Well done. Heh. Son-Sonichu, ladies, this is Simonla. Simonla let me introduce Sonichu, Rosechu, Bubbles, and Angelica.

[SIMONLA]: Hey y'all!

[EVERYONE]: Hey, Simonla!

[SIMONLA]: Well I got the backdrops! 'Ang on I reach in this back-pack and get'em. Hmm. M'ya. Here's the lot. Lolisa tol' me about your protest and I'd like to volunteer my services-s-s as a model as well. No worries abou' me, gal. I'm 19 and my shell is remomabble.

[ROSECHU]: Oh splendid! With our protest [??? space language maybe] we'll really hit those garbage sacks HARD with our glorious womanhood.

[ZAPINA ZOOMS PAST]: Zzzzzzip!

[ROSECHU]: What? 's tha?

[ZAPINA ZOOMS PAST]: Zzzzzzzip! Zzzzzzzip! Zzzzzzzip!

[ZAPINA]: ''(In a frequency that only dogs and dolphins can hear)'' OH! [Realizes that this is Rosechu's line]

[ROSECHU]: Oh. Hi. May I help you with something?

[ZAPINA]: [Alien space language maybe?] Ammagonflarfloo!

[ROSECHU]: Oh. I see. How old are you?

[ZAPINA]: My name is Zapina! [Alien space language] Annapolorfafass but wennasited shine-ah stop me! En way, aher you were loo'in fer' models wanna vol'nteer my services cue'nesses. 'M FOURTEEN YEARS CUTE! BING!

[pause]

[ROSECHU]: Ah. You cert'ly are a cue' lil' thing. But listen, Zapina, I trushally appreciate your kind offer to be a model. Ahm' 'fraid th-tha' as a responsible adult I can not assept you as a model because you are still too young. Hmm.

[ZAPINA]: [???] Blat zorp! Ack er flur flur! Zyle sit in the trees use my tail as a spotlight! Anotnot anotnonur backyard!

[ROSECHU]: Uhhh... I dunno, child, whatis with all the dumb laws 'n all... [Mumbles] Undundundun... uh. No. They're not so dumb. Well anyway, still, all things considered-hmm.

[LOLISA]: EH! Couldn't but open-but overhear tha' this lil' one can shine light in the backyard says Lolisa. [No, the narrator did not say the last part- it was definitely in Lolisa's voice.]

[ROSECHU]: Hmm. Yeah. She can. N'ya she says so, but uh-

[LOLISA]: [pause] Come on, Rosechu, this is a volunteer gig! An' she's volunteer to be an impor'ant spotlight! I will personally supervise her and I will take responsis for anything go haywire.

[ROSECHU]: Hmm. Alrigh' alright. I'll leave Zapina under your watchful eye an' fully responsible care, Lolisa.

[LOLISA]: Thank you.

[ROSECHU]: Alright. In the mean-time we gotta party to here let's go, let's-s-s do this thing. [Repeats self] ALRIGH' PEOPLE! We gotta LOT of work to do! So let's-s get this party started! Simonla! Set up half the back-drops in the back porch and the rest between those two trees. Sonichu! Make sure the camera is fully charged an-an has an SD card in it and ready to work. As the posing mod-all the posing models need to be have CLEANED UP an' have make-up applied. Lolisa! Have Zapina searus up in that tree an' make sure her light can shine [struggles] upon both back-dropped areas.

[NARRATOR]: Bong-a-bon-bon! Rosechu the director! An'... the director's protest.

[ROSECHU]: For our rights as women among all people, I WILL overpower those slanderous jerks!

[Stripping music is sung. The lyrics are "dun-dun-DUN-dun~!"]

[NARRATOR]: End of the episode. Stay tuned for the nets one!

==Episode 18==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EWBPFnIbQFw}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Bubbles]], [[Blake]], [[Jamsta]], [[Lolisa]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Blanca]], [[Angelica]], and [[Megagi]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4| Episode 17 Part 4]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2_2| Episode 18 Part 2]]
}}

====Transcript====

Okay, before we get to episode 18, here's the prologue to it. December 22nd, 2007. It's Sonichu and Rosechu's living room. To celebrate Rosechu's 19th birthday and everybody's there. Yaaaaaaaay yaaaaaaay. Rosechu just blew out the candles, she just turned 19. And Sonichu kisses her lovingly. Yeahhh. And then Punchy's sitting on the couch saying "ROCK ONNN! YEAAHHH!"

And then February twentyssss... and then on February 2nd 2008 at the Pokémon Centre at the CWCVille Shopping Center, we celebrate the birthday of the Chaotic Combo, Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy and Magi-chan, born on the same day.Happy birthday! they're nine- they're all 19 off the 5 of them, and even the bir- and even the Flame the Sunbird showed up to the party. Yaaayy.

And then March seven-t-teenth, 2008, Sonichu and Rosechu's house.

Sonichu: "Ah Rosey, that was a nice dinner, this is the nicest brithday of mine yet"

Rosechu: "Oh hang tight, it's gonna get way better (laughs)"

But then not- but then as soon as Rosechu flickers on the light it's a big "SURPRIIIISE! Yaaay. Neither of them expected this, happy birthday, yaay! Sonichu is 20 years old today yaaay, happy birthday"

And then on March 21st 2008 at the jungle- on the jungle beach, near Bubbles' house:

Bubbles: "Hey Blake, I got this cupcake just for you, happy birthday"

Blake: "Oh. Thanks Bubbles. But I've already told you that I was cloned from Sonichu's DNA. I was not properly born from a Rosechu."

Bubbles: "Oh that doesn't matter. You still came alive today, starting straight from a 2 year old body. You're 20 now, man"

Blake: "Hmm. Well thank you Bubbles, you're awesome. Hmm."

Bubbles: "Well now blow out the candles and make a wish."

Blake: "Heh. I'll blow out the candle, but I already have my wish."

And then they kiss. Mmmmm. Blake and Bubbles kiss mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh. And then Bubbles says "You will meet me at the CWCVille beach tomorrow for the Spring Break concert yes?" And he says "Yeah. And I'll put on your act for your gal-pals. ehehehehe. Uhhh I gotta keep up the tough boy act and keep our romance a secret for a little while, at least just as long as I can, long as we can"

Bubbles: "Yeah".

Hey. How about some TV on Saturday March 22nd 2008. Pshh.

"This is Um-TV and we're rocking with Spring Break! WAHOOOOOOO!" Pshh.

"Ey, sisters and brothers this is PHI, we're rocking the world with Spring Break! YAHOOO!"

"Leaving thousands and leaving hundreds injured, for FQX news, I'm Greta Squall. [?] rocking hard, it's Spring Break! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! YAHOOO! GRETA! GRETA! GRETA SQUAAALL!"

And now, coming to you live like a high five, on the radio from the CWCVille beach, station KCWC, it's: Episode 18, Spring Break '08, yahOOOOO! mmm.

Jamsta: "ey there all you guys, gals, dudes and dudettes of all ages, we are rocking hot on the CWCVille beach for Spring Break '08! Y'all know me as Jamsta Sonichu, the DJ with da power!"

Lolisa: "and proudly [?] his hot girl Friday, I'm Lolisa Rosechu."

Jamsta: "Yeeessir. We got a lot of events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor Mr Christian Weston Chandler that CWCVille is a clean city. Nobody has to go home drunk or smokey. WE've got [?] kegs full of our famously delicious CWC cola and Diet CWC cola, lemonade, grape and orange soda, compliments of our local CWC cola bottling company, founded and opened proudly in 1985, 3 years after CWCVille was founded by mayor's father Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. Also today, you can enter to win a 40 inch Sony HD TV from CWC circuit city! Or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept! Also tonight, our rising star Jiggliami will be singing her debut single "War of Love" on the concerts- on the concert stage here at CWCVille Beach. So stay tuned to CWCVille, Virginia's number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more! Yeah!

Lolisa: "hehe. Awesome Jamsta! Well I'm thinking of taking a swim in our clean beach's ocean! But I'll leave y'all to party as we
hear from Ricky Martin's party, with "La Vida Loca"!"

[sings] Everything, Station KCWC!

Meanwhile backstage, at the stage, on CWCVille beach:

Jiggliami: "Oh my god! It's going to be just fantastic Blanca! JIGGLY!!! Our first concert ever! Thousands of fans! I couldn't be more excited if I'd become just as famous without having to leave my house! Yaayy!"

Blanca: "I'm excited too, Jiggliami! I play my tune in noise, and you sing with the power to energize the crowd, I'm proud of you!"

Jiggliami: "yeeah! After this concert we will be superstars, meaning we can have any man we want! And with that kawaii haircut of yours, you are so cute, as cute as sailor mercury!"

Blanca: "ehh you're the flirtatious diva of this stage girl, besides, there's only one heart I'm most interested in, although he's currently in another state of mind and dimension, I'll wait for him."

Jiggliami: "Come on. You're the guitar hero of this stage will wow the hearts of this audience, so lets live wi-wild, girl! HOOOOOH! Jiggly. Jiggly."

On another part of the beach, the girls are getting a tan, and Sonichu is about to go surfin'.

Sonichu: "Hey Rosey, I'm gonna go hit some waves. You and your gal-pals have fun. Thanks again for putting the sunscreen on me. hmm."

Rosechu: "And I thank you for doing my back as well sweet bolt. Be careful not to get electrical."

Sonichu: "Of course heartsweet. I'll check in later. Yeahhh. Hmm. Yeah."

Alright so then Angelica and Bubbles are nearby. Angelica says to Bubbles:

"So. Ex-pain to me again, why do you not need sunscreen?"

Bubbles: "Hm. You see Angie, I am a water type. My body is 90% water and my fur is capable of adapting to my surroundings. As I am on land, my fur adapts itself to reflect the sunlight off my skin so my skin is not affected by sun light. No sunburn, no muss (?)."

Angelica: "AHH. Ok."

Bubbles: "My only flaw with the bodily function is that I can't really enjoy getting a tan with y'all. Huh kind of a social flush really. Oh well."

And then as time passes by, we have a bunch of other people walking by. In the background Sonichu's surfing. Right now this mysterious Rosechu walks on by. Badoom badoom badoom. Just looks at the girls. anyway Rosechu says "Hm. What a weird woman. Do you know who she is Angelica?"

Angelica: "I dyuu-no, but I get a bad vibe from her."

And then an- and then Megagi and Bionic pass by.

Megagi: "Hey gal-pals. We're just enjoying the festivities."

Bubbles: "Megagi, Bionic, what's happenin'?"

Megagi: "Yeahh. We're just enjoying. Oh. I saw this cat gal fli- cat gal flirtin' with that Bionic, so I presented my claws of ownership. Ahahahaha! Well, catch you girls later."

And then later on a couple of other women pass by as well. Anyway, uh, Bubbles gets a thought- gets an incoming trans- incoming thought from Magi-chan.

Magi-chan: "Bubbles, I've just detected a Sonichu Chaotic crystal in the ocean. Please fetch it."

Bubbles: "OK OK, I'll fetch it in a minute Magi-chan."

And then right after that, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom (noise), "HEY!"

Magi-cha- bla-black Sonichu Blake, kicks sand at the girls' faces. "Hey."

And then Rosechu takes of her sunglasses, also Angelica spreads her wings, in a little bit anger and Rosechu says:

"Black Sonichu! What d'you do that for?"

Blake: "Hey don't blame me, the sand was in my- in the path of my foot."

Rosechu: "Oh why I oughta-"

Bubbles: "Rosey, no. Don't get up. I'll deal with this jerk" says Bubbles.

And then Bubbles grabs er, Blake's arm, and tie- and holds him behind his back like really pain- "AAAGHHHH" And then er, Bubbles whispers to Blake:

"You're doing great. Keep it up"

Blake: "Euh. Goood. Euhh. Uh. Euhhhh."

And then Bubbles walks Blake away from the girls, a distance.

Bubbles: "Alright big man. I'm gonna show you the power of a woman and it's not as gentle as you think it is."

And then the- and then off the distance, and, Rosechu knows a little bit.

Rosechu: "Heh. She thinks she can fool us, but it's so obvious that she and Blake are true lovers."

Angelica: "Ahhh yeah it is so cute yeah?"

Rosechu: "Yeahhh."
<center>

</center>

===Part 2===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xrxyvQhyYIw}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Bubbles]], [[Blake]], [[Graduon]], [[Silvana]], [[Yawning_Squirtle| Yawning Squirtle]], [[Punchy]], [[Angelica]], and [[Wild_Sonichu| Wild]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_18| Episode 18 Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3_2| Episode 18 Part 3]]
}}

====Transcript====

Now, during the whole time, Sonichu is still catching waves and surfing, especially as dit-, as pitayed in this Fan Art that was teriously contributed by Sonichu, Sonichu girl fan, [[Panda Halo]]. [A wistful murmur?]

A'way, continuing on with the story, [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]] get fa- get a good distance away from the girls, and they walk pa-, they walk beyond the stage, the bay shop and the pharmacy that's nearby. Bubbles lets go of him.

Ah, Ah.

Blake is panting.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah.

Bubbles look back to make sure the girls weren't looking, and she turns to look at Blake and sees him panting. And then she tends to make him feel better by rubbing his shoulders.

Bubbles (in the standard grating falsetto prescribed for all female characters): Aw. Did I hurt you badly?

Blake: Only a bit, my Bubbly (pronounced here as Buburbly).

Bubbles: Oh, I'm sorry Blakie-Boo (pronounced 'blue').

Blake: How long can we keep up this charade?

Bubbles: C'mon, you're doing very well! Hey listen, I have to dive for the last crystal; after I get it, I'll text your cell from mine. You wait fifteen minutes, and I'll meet you under pier 969; I'll make it up to you then.

Blake: Oh yeah, that sounds good. I'll wait for your call then meet you under 969.

Both: Good.

And then Bu- and then Bubbles runs to the ocean away from Blake, to get the bal- to get the crystal, and then nearby, the new Rosechu suddenly transforms into– Bubbles?

[Nasal whinnying, supposedly from the dastardly Silvana]

Some sort of deception is afoot!

But to best elaborate on that character, let's introduce the character. To let's– we have to go back into the fateful rainbow that originated from episode 1. In addition to the five eggs that hatched into the Chaotic Combo, numerous other eggs of various Sonees and Roseys emerged as well. This one was projected into Space and landed on the Earth's moon. So now I introduce Silvana Rosechu.

Silvana(?): Beep, beep, beep, beep.

The hatching date, Earth Time: February 1st, 1989. And just seconds after she's hatched, she's entrapped in some– in a psychic beam from Count Graduon. He's like:

Graduon: Ah! New Life! –for me to corrupt!

Keeping the new little Rosey safe in this bubble, [[Count Graduon]] enters her– enters her mind, and communicates with her.

Graduon: Little one among many, I am Count Graduon, illustrious wizard, revered by all more powerful than most. I have taken heart of you being born alone on the Earth's moon. I'm here to take you under my wing, and rear you properly, under my careful and wise judgment. I am a well-practiced parent of a young lady much like yourself; now she is a warrior princess. My beautiful Sylvia. I miss her every day since being 'ensphered' in my wand of a prison cell. I only wanted to bring peace and order, but a [[Cherokian]] chief sealed me in.

Silvana (in the creepiest baby voice ever): Syl-vi-a-na! (realizing her mistake) Silvana!

Graduon: Perfect. And with that, which was your first word, I dub thee [[Silvana]] Rosechu, but my care for you and your training has a small price. To better you, I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have [[duck|both]] [[china|parts]]. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.

And so, under Count Graduon's guidance and training, Silvana practiced her psychic powers, 'cause she is a Psychic type alone, and then eventually, she evolved into the Silvana Rosechu of to-day. And so, from after birth, Silvana mentally and physically became a strong warrior under the wicked guidance of Count Graduon from the Earth's Moon. Without maternal guidance, and low social interactions, Silvana had never learned to truly love, yet she, or he, learned to flirt without emotions. I can only take pity for this unlucky soul.

Now, back to the present story. Bubbles is swimming under the sea to locate the next crystal, and Magic-Chan guides her.

Magic-Chan: According to my psychic link, the crystal is about five miles from the shore, and about two or five thousand fathoms deep.

Bubbles: Don't worry. I'll find it soon enough.

''Woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob. Bum dum ba dum bum a dum bum''

[[Things Chris has ripped off|Sebastian the <s>Crab</s> Corphish]] ('singing' with curious attempt at accent): Under the sea! Under the sea! Down here it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me! The singing corphish. Hee hee he he he he.

[[Yawning Squirtle]]: Ernn. Ahhh! What are you doing, Corphish! You woke me up from my nap-squirtle!

Meanwhile, Blake was coming out of the nearby pharmacy after making a wise purchase.

Blake (smuttily): Oh yes, Bubbles. You will make up for earlier! (pervy laugh)

And he's got his fist up in victory, and then Bubbles comes in from behind and grabs his fist. Actually, it's not really Bubbles, it's Silvana as Bubbles! And she say:

Blake: Oh Bubbles! You surprised me!

Silvubbles: For you, Blakie-Boo, I am full of surprises.

Blake: What happened with the crystal search?

Silvubbles: I suddenly felt more ready for you, so I came back to play.

Blake: Oh awesome! I just picked up some condoms for our insurance policy.

Silvubbles: Oh, forget those; you're not raining on my parade, and I want you.

And then suddenly, he drops the box condoms, big mistake, and then he's like 'All right then! To our 969!'

Silvubbles: Hih hih hih hih hih.

Na, here's a note, when Silvana does it with either a Sonichu or a Rosechu, she or he secrets a paralyzing sleepful solution, rendering the unprotected victim asleep and defenseless. Just much like an STD in a couple who do intercourse. For your own safety, those of you who do it, wear a c- use a condom. I give y'all that advice. Ok, moving on with the story.

So we follow the pair to, so we walk, follow the duo to pier 969, he says:

Blake: Well, here we are.

Silvubbles: Ok, well let's do it, right here, right now!

Blake: OK!

[An array of disturbing noises follow; Chris barely differentiates between Blake and 'Bubbles' in tone] Mmm, mm! Oh, yeah, yeah! More, more! Yeah-

This goes on for about three- for about three– for about three minutes maximum. Then, [emulates the sound of splashing]

Blake is like, aw, Bubbles, you got there before I did. Oh wait a minute, I'm still feeling buzzed, yet I'm feeling kinda... [snores]

Silvubbles: Hih hih hih hih. Enjoy my sleep nectar, ya sap!

*Poor attempt at SMS message notification tone*

Blake's phone is ringing. Buh-buh. And then Silvana picks up and reads the text message from Bubbles.

Bubbles: Blake, I had to travel a ten-mile round trip, but I found the crystal. Meet you in 15! Hugs and kisses!

And now Silvana closes the cell phone, she makes her next transformation, and yet the real Blake notices that h- Silvana's transformed.

Blake: Bubbles? It's not– Bubbles. Is that me? No, what? The real Bubbles, my Bubbles. She's in trouble– must stop that im-postor. [Resumes snoring]

I must hide the sleeper, says Silvana, and then she picks up Blake, she picks up the Real Blake as a Blake impostor, she thinks 'jeez, you're heavy,' and then they teleport to the secluded area.

Meanwhile the real Bubbles is handing Angelica the crystal.

Bubbles: Hey, Angelica! I've found the final crystal. Please take it to [[Patti-Chan]] for me!

Angelica: Sure!

Bubbles: I have to go meet up with my boyfriend– I'll talk to you later.

Angelica: Ok!

So then Angelica flies off to the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] and the Mayor's Office. Meanwhile, Punchy and Wild are talking, just conversing.

[[Punchy]]: Hey, Wild! Isn't Angelica just the cutest?

[[Wild]]: I guess so.

Punchy: You guess so? She is simply the sweetest, charming Rosechu in the world! I fell for her back on the day we s- all met, but I've been too shy to ask her out, or even talk to her. I don't know what to do or say. I'm befuddled, says Punchy. And Wild replies:

Wild: Well, I've heard that the CWCville University is offering a [[Dating education]] class; I'm going to sign up for it, because I've been feeling lonely and I need to learn the whats and hows of approaching and dating a gal.

Punchy: Ah! Perfect! I will sign up for it too; then, I'll be able to ask Angelica out. Thank you, Wild, for informing me about that class.

Wild: No problem, Punchy.

===Part 3===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eJinET9fT8U}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Blake]], [[Silvana]], [[Bubbles]], and [[Magi-Chan]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2_2| Episode 18 Part 2]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4_2| Episode 18 Part 4]]
}}

====Transcript====
[NARRATOR]: Hmm. La'er on back-stage at the stage:

[JIGGLIAMI]: Jiggly jiggly jiggly. Hmm? Wha's goin' on in this closet here?

[BLAKE FALLS OUT]: ARP! Pffft!

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Gasp!] Blake Sonichu? [Pause] What'cha doin' in th' closet? Oh no! I better let Bubbles know about this.

[NARRATOR]: An' back at Pier Sis-sissy-nine-sissy-nine, Silvana-as-Blake appears-waits f-for the real Bubbles.

[BUBBLES]: Oh Blakey-Boo!

[BLAKEVANA]: Eh! Bubbly! Come. On. Over. For. A. Little. Romp.

[BUBBLES]: Cool.

[TELEPATHY]: V-v-v-v...

[MAGI-CHAN]: Bubbles.

[NARRATOR]: Magi-Chan interrupts the moment. [Pause] Thoughts. Bubbles.

[BUBBLES]: What now, Magi-Cheen? I jus' gave a crystal-gave a crystal to Angelica.

[MAGI-CHAN]: That there is not [pause for dramatic effect] Black Sonichu!

[BUBBLES]: Well he sure looks like my man to me. Now let us-now leave us alone.

[MAGI-CHAN]: Your questionable-your questioning is reasonable, but you should test his electric powers to prove his true identity.

[BUBBLES]: Yeah. Like I'm gonna drop all my trust in him just like *that*?

[MAGI-CHAN]: Suit yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you.

[NARRATOR]: And then her phone rings-and then Bubbles phone rings.

[PHONE]: Ring! Ring! Ring!

[NARRATOR]: And then she picks up. It's Jiggliami. She picks up.

[JIGGLIAMI]: Bubbles! I just foun' Blake in the closet- back-stage closet!

[BUBBLES]: [Sigh] Listen. [Realizes this is Jiggliami's line]

[JIGGLIAMI]: Listen! Bubbles, listen!

[NARRATOR]: Blake. Blake. Blake is talking. Blake. Listen, Blake.

[BLAKE]: [Yawn] Bubbles? The black sonichu at the pier is a transforming ''impostor''. [Voice dies] Stay away. From him. Ugh!

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Sounds like "he fell on tonsils again"] I'll rush him to the Pokémon Center. I'll be back!

[PHONE]: '''BEEP!'''

[BUBBLES]: [Heartbroken] Blakey... Boo? [whimper] [Pause] [Suspiciously] ''Who is this black sonichu?'' Uh, I'll play it cool for now. Hmm.

[BLAKEVANA]: Ey. What keptcha?

[BUBBLES]: Eh. Nothing, Blakey. Let's do this right. Give me a thunderbolt attack. Come on! It'll turn me on! Hmm.

[NARRATOR]: In thinking-thoughts:

[SILVANA]: Thunderbolt? Oh man! I can't even make a ''spark''! But I can-I can't say no, she'll get-she would suspe't something! I'll have to stick to a psychic attack.

[BLAKEVANA]: Eh. Yeah. Sure thing.

[PSYCHIC NEEDLES]: Vrm-vrlorm-rm-bleh.

[NARRATOR]: [Mumbles] Silvana-as-Blake launches some ''psychic needles''.

[PSYCHIC NEEDLES]: Frm-frm-frm-frm.

[NARRATOR]: And Bubbles is kinda enjoyin' it. A lil' bit.

[BUBBLES]: Hmm.

[NARRATOR]: But then also-but also realizes the differences, like, ''that is not thunderbolt.'' An' then Bubbles says after he stops the attack:

[BUBBLES]: That felt good, [pauses for dramatic effect] BLACK SONICHU.

[BLAKEVANA]: Black Sonichu?

[BUBBLES]: BUT THAT WAS NOT A THUNDERBOLT! WHO ARE YOU?

[NARRATOR]: AND THEN SHE LAUNCHES A WHIRLPOOL to sw-to s-circle the two.

[WHIRLPOOL]: [Gently] Ffffff.

[BLAKEVANA]: Heh.

[NARRATOR]: Says the impostor-Blake, the Blake-impostor.

[BLAKEVANA]: Heh. Saw through my disguise, did you? Well I'll tell you that I did better than your Blakey-Boo did. He couldn't- he couldn't tell the difference between- he couldn't tell the difference himself.

[WATER]: [Gently] Fffff.

[NARRATOR]: An' then she-Silvana pulls a drape of water around over him-herself-itself and turns back into Silvana Rosechu.

[SILVANA]: And as for who I will say that I was sent by a "friend" of your mayor and that this is not totally a girl talk.

[BUBBLES]: WHAT DID YOU DO TO BLAKE?

[SILVANA]: Sweetheart, [evil laugh] Ehuhuhuh, I never kiss and do tell.

[BUBBLES]: UGN! [Long and drawn out] BEE~!!

[NARRATOR]: She launches some thunderbolts within the whirlpool. Aimed at the- aimed at Silvana.

[BUBBLES]: [Sounds constipated] Ehhhhhhhhhn~!

[NARRATOR]: But then she teleports away from the path of the lightning and jus' levitates in the-in the eye of the- of the whirlpool. And she says:

[SILVANA]: How can you even ''think'' that wor'? Unlike you Bubbles, I am not woman. Bye now!

[TELEPORTS]: Fffffft.

[NARRATOR]: An' then she teleports away. An' then Bubbles stops the whirlpool. An' then-an' then she drops to her knees- drops to her knees tired.

[BUBBLES]: [Pant! Pant! Pant!]

[NARRATOR]: An' then she calls on Magi-Chan:

[BUBBLES]: Magi-Chan?

[MAGI-CHAN]: Yes, Blake? [Corrects himself] Yes, Bubbles?

[BUBBLES]: Please teleport me to Blake.

[MAGI-CHAN]: Yes, Bubbles. Righ' away.

[TELEPORTS]: Fffffft. Fffffp!

[NARRATOR]: But then at the Pokémon Center Bubbles is nearby Blake's bed. Mla-mla and then Blake wakes up to see her.

[BLAKE]: Bubbles. You're safe.

[BUBBLES]: Blakey-Bloo. Are you okay? What'd she DO to you?

[NARRATOR]: Blake an' Bubbles also thinks:

[BUBBLES]: Can I really refer ''it'' as a ''she''? If it was not a woman, then what was it? What a world we live in where such tr- what a world we live in when such trolls in it.

===Part 4===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tZCypECl8gU}}
| Stardate = 19 September 2008
| Maker = [[Chris| ChristianWChandler]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Jamsta]], [[Troll]], [[Sonichu]], and [[Rosechu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3_2| Episode 18 Part 3]]
| next = [[Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_19| Episode 19]]
}}

====Transcript====
[NARRATOR]: And then that night, at the beach's stage, am-juh-Jamsta Sonichu MC's the event.

[JAMSTA]: Ladies and dudes... CWCville Shopping Center, CWC Cola, and [[K-CWC|station K-C-Dubya-C]] are proud to present, for her pop star debut, JIGGLIAMI!

[CROWD]: [Chris fails at attempting to make the sound of an entire crowd cheering]

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Falsetto] Thank you citizens of CWCville, Virginia! My debut song was inspired by my old pikachu boyfriend, who suddenly disappeared from out home field. [Inhales] I have missed him a lot, and yearn for his safe return. Inna mean time, I present to y'all, "War of Love"."

[CROWD]: [yet another lackluster attempt at the cheering crowd]

[MUSIC PLAYING]: Duhdadadahdahdahdah dah dah duuuuuh...

[JIGGLIAMI]: [singing] ♪ I can't hide this feeling anymore, doncha know this... the fever of love, dark clouds were hangin' low, a busy city had lost its color. Sunshine hiding away, twilight fading out, -JIGGLI!-, a shadow... me now, the world is not how it used to be...but I still want you, what could I do... what should I do, baka dana watashi, it's the war of love. ♫

[MUSIC PLAYING]: Bumbuh bum bum bah bum bah buum, dunna dunna dunna duuuh, DUUUUUUHHNN...

♪ I can't give you up, I hate to see you smile to every girl, 'cept me. I wanchoo so bad, too heavy and too deep. Please focus on me, I will show you how much you love me -JIGGLI!-, I scream out to you with a megaphone to find it broken, I try to reach up as high as I can, but cher eyes are never on meee! Now I look up to da sky, ...to find that it has been cleared, but it was not done for me, I can't stop these feelings, they're getting out of hand. Owah could I do? Wha' should I do? I swear in this love I'll never give you up, daisuki, it's the war of looove. ♫

[MUSIC PLAYING]: DAAHnuh, dunna dunna duuh duh... lalla,luh lah lah lah lah, dung, dong, buh dong...mm, bung.

[CROWD]: [Chris's attempt at the cheering crowd has gotten slightly more excited]

[NARRATOR]: After the concert, [[Blanca]] found her boyfriend and left for their homestead of Kentucky. Jiggliami stayed in Cwcville to record her albums in accordance to "Jive Records" and CWCville studios. Currently, in the time void, or rather within my heart and head, a consequential conflicting decision had to be made. At this time in my life, I had met, an' unknowingly to myself, flirted with three wimmen on the innernet, I could choose only one. But with the help of [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] two paths were... light-lit up for me and realized that they were not the right paths.

[VOICES]: Christian! Christian! Christian~!

[NARRATOR]: I hadda to choose between these three women who won mah' heart, one at a time, all yet in mah' [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_3#IBAChandler.27s_Entry|autumn goodbye]]. Sadly one died in an automobile accident. [Sigh] In memory of that Sarah Jackson. A [[True_and_Loyal_Fanbase|true Sonichu fan]] and [[Gal_pal|gal-pal]]. May she rest in peace. An' one turned out to be a troll.

[TROLL]: MAM-BOM BIDDY BOM BIDDY BOM! POM POM BIDDY BOM BIDDY BO~OM!

[???]: Shut the dang door! [Pause] They can't take over if you keep them outta your home~!

[NARRATOR]: Hmm. But one was true, honest, and compassionate. Understanding. FUN! A true gir-a true girl. A true woman. An' a sweet singer from the [pause] flip-side of the world. My [pause] thought-to-be-true sweetheart who I would've promise my [pause] first time to and would'a remained loyal to forever. Ah. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie. She was [pause] [[PandaHalo|P-Panda Halo]]. [Sigh] She died months-she [sigh] died a-a-at this time- in the real time she died about January, 2009 in the brushfires of Australia. [Pause] She will never be forgotten, even though I promised my heart to her before the time she did but she had not died I would'a kept my promise. But then I met other women a-s-side from that anyway. Rest in peace, Sarah.

[NARRATOR]: [Long pause] AN' NOW SOME WISE WORDS FROM SONICHU AN' ROSECHU!

[SONICHU]: 'Ey loyal r-loyal readers-s.

[ROSECHU]: 'Ey loyal readers. Sonichu an' I wish to take a moment to inform you that although our lil' [pause] ''fun moment'' from episode s-seventeen by popular demand we want to remind you to practice safe sets wi' condoms an' birth control prescriptions from a certified medical doctor. [Pause] Information on safe sets as well as STDs can be foun' in th' books atchur local library or on l-legi'mate medical websites on th' innernet. We, Christian Weston Chandler, and everyone in this hand-drawn series fully support safe sets and th' proper use of comdoms for vaginal-penile innercourse. Hmm.

[SONICHU]: Also, in 'ddition, while we have fully support setsual edu'ation in high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, ''dating'' education classes, because while safe set is great for the eventual well-earned intercourse after three or so dates, it is vital to learn what to do even to get to date number one! It should be well-taught on how to approach and ats one member of the opposite gender up toward the very first date. Our generation an' future generations [pause] are at [pause] great-er-great risk if we do not support dating education. Especially when th-[pause] especially when tha' when we consider the homosetsuals. [Disgusted] They're all... s-! UGH! [Cheerfully] Anyway, we thank you all for your support. Have a safe day. An' enjoy life. Peace.

[NARRATOR]: Stay tuned for the nets episode. Thank you.

{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Book 8 Videobooks|linkname=Sonichu Book 8 Videobooks}}
{{Videobooks}}

Chris and death

2010-12-21T07:05:38Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Chris himself */ Link to dreams

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace?]]
'''Death''' stalks [[Chris]] at every turn, and as a result he has a hard time understanding and/or coping with death, be it the death of a human or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even a [[Simonla Rosechu|fictional character]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy, and his incredibly underdeveloped mind. Kids often don't understand death until they're quite old, around 10-12 years; before that, they usually just think it's "like sleeping forever" or "just leaving." Chris, being a 3-year-old inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to sort of understand death; he even has a habit of appealing to dead people to "come back."<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands Or Buts#A history (6:02 to 9:34)]]: "Patti, I miss you. Come home."</ref><ref>[[:Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg]]: "Dedicated to Mr. Billy Mays II; Please Come Back Soon."</ref>

It could be that the only shows that Chris watched that dealt with death in any way had plot devices to facilitate the return of the departed. Chris, who is unable to connect cause with effect and considers behaviors from fiction to be interchangeable with reality, may simply assume that the dead can come back whenever they want.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==
===The victims of the ''Titanic'' incident (d. 1912)===
In his [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|message to Lars]] in [[September 2010]], Chris belittled the lives of the men, women and children who died in the sinking of the RMS ''Titanic'' by constructing a boat out of Lego with several Lego men on it, one representing [[Lars]], pretending the ship sinks, then destroying the boat.

===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d. 2001)===
In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of 1 [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde]] and says that he is as weak as the [[Wikipedia:World Trade Center|Twin Towers]]. He then shows the mouse cursor crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. This has shocked many, including somebody who lost a loved one in the attacks<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCDjrjr3b7M]</ref> and this could possibly be the lowest that Chris has ever gone.

===[[Patti Chandler]] (1988-2006)===
Patti was Chris's pet dog, and she died in June 2006. Chris [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:AZT-13/Chris-chan_Emails_Part_IV apparently drew a picture of a crying Sonichu face] on the signature confirming the euthanasia process. As seen in the image used in this article, [[Patti-Chan|Patti also appeared in the comic, immortalized as an anthro]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in, in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]], in which she will only exist when he can be bothered to draw her. Effectively, he's stolen and erased her soul.

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Not surprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended, yet he continues to use this example.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. On the one year anniversary of her death, Chris even broke down in tears and had to be consoled by his mother. By comparison, the "death" of any [[Troll|Sweetheart]] will result in a day of mourning, if she is lucky.

===RocketFox's Dad (1966-2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. [[Ryan]]'s death and Chris's reaction cemented this. About eight months later, Chris [[Chris's Big Night Out|became a huge hypocrite]]...

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981-2008)===
A former [[Sweetheart|heartsweet]] of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a <s>car crash</s> carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. SPOILERS: A [[troll]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the ''Sonichu'' characters mourn the loss of their professor. Sound like [[Chris|someone]]?

===[[Ryan Cash]] (1996-2008)===
Ryan was [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]]'s brother who was a huge fan of [[Sonichu]]. After the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|Chris, of course, reacted to this in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marveling at his power to incite suicide.]]

===[[PandaHalo]] (d. 2009?)===
Despite her being thousands of kilometers away from the bushfires, Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another [[sweetheart]] to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref> This flagrant disrespect shouldn't surprise anyone because Chris is a self-centered asshole. This saga ''further'' proved that Chris has no sense of empathy or respect for the dead.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her. Apparently, Chris didn't feel like he needed to honor the life of his beloved [[sweetheart]] and instead depicted her horrible, fiery death. He also has to mention that she "burned," which shows how he doesn't realize how painful and awful it would be to die in a fire. It's also not a term that anyone would use to describe the death of a loved one, providing more evidence of how little he actually cared about her. Because it took nine months to "honor" her death, he most likely decided he needed more god-awful characters for his shitty comic, was too lazy to create a new recolor and chose to use Chloe and Blazebob, thus reminding him of PandaHalo, who he had likely forgotten, and made him decide to feature a memorial to her.

More recently, Chris "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork. And then there's the issue of ''Sonichu'' #10 largely consisting of Chris murdering everybody he dislikes...

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May [[Troll|attempted suicide]] over [[Mumble 8|Mumble]]. Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told [[Julie]] (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out to her on a YouTube video]], with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. His reason for her to hold on? Because he'd be so sad without her. While mentioning the feelings of friends and families despair is typical in suicide prevention, Chris did it in such a selfish way, only thinking of how ''he'd'' feel, not how ''her'' family and friends would feel, that it was just full of [[fail]] and [[Chris and His Ego|narcissism]].

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936-2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also Shrove Tuesday, a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes.<ref>[[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]]</ref> Needless to say, [[White knight#Chris cares only for himself|Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt]]. Patti was also obtained from her (see the e-mail link above).

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow, although any normal human would bring those up first and the dog would be lucky to get a mention at all.

===[[Clyde Cash]] (1976-<s>2009</s>)===
In early [[2009]], Christian once seemed to be aware that Clyde Cash was supposedly dead, but cast a slight bit of doubt over the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] Clyde in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009]], just in case. He's back.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958-2009)===
In the video [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for MAYS's death, and loudly denies that he was ever the mayor of [[CWCville]]. He doesn't even offer his condolences to MAYS's family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that MAYS was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris. He goes even further by stating that he was also his identical body double and "without the beard we'd look the same". At least he's admitting that he's overweight.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Chris slaps in a one-page intro with BILLY saying that he was never was the Mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon."

===[[Ivy]] (1992-2009)===
Former [[troll|sweetheart]] Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video as a memorial. Yes, a poorly sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop/punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Unless the original was somehow Ivy's favorite song, this is just short of "Another One Bites the Dust" as one of the worst possible songs one can dedicate to a recently deceased loved one. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's [[fail]].

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]] of the comic. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of [[Slaweel]] and some weird faux-[[Transformers]] actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. Why he felt the need to make her death in the series gruesomely similar to her real-life suicide is a question for the ages. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for [[Patti Chan]] and [[BILLY MAYS]].

===Mary Jo (d. 2009)===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss|mailbag]], Chris was asked by a troubled [[troll|fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.| Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another [[sweetheart|woman]] right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|The obituary that Chris didn't even bother to read.]]

===Mike Jackson (1969-2010)===

Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|asking]] [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|for]] [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris refers to a man buying his underage son a whore as "good news"|advice]], and then [[Mailbag 45#Adventures with whores|begging]] for [[Mailbag 48#This guy's life is in shambles, but Chris was STRESSED!|help]] after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It was revealed in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]] that Chris didn't even view Mike's obituary page, and his [[Mailbag 56#In which Chris isn't sorry at all|response]] to Mike's grieving son was all of three words long.

The Mike Jackson "mini-saga" might be the most conclusive proof yet that Chris doesn't understand the consequences of his terrible advice, or the gravity of the tragedy he caused.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his [[Patti Chandler|fucking dog]]. Finally, after being faced with severe legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], though not before she laid an egg out of wedlock with her baby-daddy [[Wild]] (though, of course, the act of laying the egg was never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real. Not figuratively, not essentially: ''literally'' real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''. Simonla's death was as real to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

===Yeardley Love (1987-2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for [[UVA]] who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on TV for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for smoking. Later in the video, [[Chris and His Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's [[Chris and anger|not]] [[Chris and race|a]] [[Chris and sex|bad]] [[Chris and rape|man]]. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew or really cared about in order to make himself look good.

===[[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] (1941-soon) and [[Bob Chandler]] (1927-sooner)===
[[File:Ctrl-alt-chrischan.jpg|thumb|He remembered his [[PSP]].]]
Coming soon... both are well into their "Silver Years" and suffering from many health issues, compounded by their age. It doesn't help that they're [[Tour of Chris's House|living in a landfill]].

On 1 [[March 2010]], Bob was sent to the hospital with congestive heart failure, owing to his age, [[Burger King|diet]] and lifestyle. In the [[Twitter|Tweet]] announcing Bob's heart failure, Chris stated that he believed his father would survive, and showed more concern for the [[stress]] he was under than his own father's health. On top of that, during the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], Bob stated that he already died (probably for a minute or two and then was brought back, or his heart had to be stopped during surgery). Bob has had four prior heart attacks and "Eat at Burger King" is still a part of his daily routine. His inevitable death (and probably one more heart attack) is likely to occur sometime within the next few <s>years</s> months.

===Chris himself===
Given Chris's terrible diet, poor [[health]], [[obesity]], lack of exercise and general lack of concern for anything, he is unlikely to live far into his forties. However, he may be genetically disposed to live a long — albeit, [[100 2178|miserable]] — life: [[Bob]] has lived into his eighties despite being a heavy drinker, and other male relatives have lived past 90 (the average American man dies at 75 or 76).

Naturally, the death of Chris himself is the only death that immediately concerns Chris. And unsurprisingly, he is only worried about his death because it would put a stop to the Love Quest once and for all. Chris's fear of death is probably an extension of his fear of [[F Abstinance|reaching old age before getting laid]], as opposed to the fear of death exhibited by normal people. Chris also apparently has a [[Dreams|recurring nightmare]] where he finds himself "going into the light". It is unknown when he began to have this nightmare, but it is likely one of the "bad dreams" Chris claimed that Ivy helped stop. It has probably been going on for years and will most likely continue until the day it comes true.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Dead]]

Chick-fil-A

2010-12-18T13:49:56Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Anchor redirect

#REDIRECT [[List of restaurants#Chick-fil-A]]

Country Cookin

2010-12-18T13:45:25Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Anchor redirect

#REDIRECT [[List of restaurants#Country Cookin]]

Jackie E-mails 13

2010-12-17T20:25:53Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Fix word

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 2-8 [[September 2010]].

Chris makes another pity play, the spectre of Graduon once again at his heels. Makes excuses that penis are gay for seeing another male (confirming he mentally blocks males in hentai and porn). "I did not mean to lie to you; I am unable to foresee every final aspect of the future" i.e: Chris is just like everybody else, but he's special for it. Chris equates the loss of videogames to being homeless. Chris nearly implies that Jackie may be a troll. But he loves her HONEST and TRULY.

Jackie mentions how Chris can return or sell the PS3, PROFIT. Chris says no; it's his only link to the outside world. Latest tugboat came in, Chris has $100 (unknown if Bob's 'Visa Gift Card' setup is still in play). Jackie make several points how Chris could legitimately potentially get china. Chris ignores i-god damnit...

Chris denies what he is, denounces what he is and everyone else like that, and explains that he is what he is, and he's special for being it. Jackie calls bullshit, points out Chris's hypocrisy, especially with his 'hexbawks' comment. Chris flees like he did the first time, and then he comes back, saying 'I love you and will do anything for you. P.S: Never gonna sell my PS3.' Chris thinks this is an argument many other couples have.

{{EmailReply|September 2, 2010 - 11:28pm

Jackie, I care about you a Lot, I really do. I do not ignore you, and your e-mails are Not difficult to me, although this one was [[stress]]ful to me. The damn [[games]] are NOT the shine of my day; You Are the Shine of my Days. My words are not empty; I mean what I tell you. I feel upset too.

I have read the whole message. Firstly, I will admit I was in error; there were Three Males in that drawing, I mistook the math of equal males versus females. I feel uncomfortable with drawing naked dudes, especially the [[Pickles|Penises]]. I don't understand all of the whys, but my [[Homos|homophobia]] is one of the reasons. Although, even with that, I feel little excuses on the issue. I do like to draw, it's that between the badmouthing of everyone on the [[internet]] on my drawing style, not being recognized in [[High School]] for that part of me, and my [[Love Quest|pursuit of happiness]] in life with a woman to be my [[sweetheart]], I feel like my ability to draw is bad and less important than the important things in life, like finding true love and compassion. So I feel like my [[art]] style is a lost cause, and it makes me feel sad, like an [[Ego|under-appreciated artist]].

I did not mean to lie to you; I am unable to foresee every final aspect of the future. I also have a [[Autism|mental block]] that does not allow me to see or understand any perceived harm in what I may say or do, like I really did not know [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic pages]] were going to be misinterpreted by the sickos as gay, and learning that later made me feel really pissed off. And I was not really expecting any specific reaction from my recent actions.

Also, [[Bob|my father]] has shown no respect from me of destroying my own thing regardless of rather or not it was dead already or not. He's actually more pissed off at me for putting up any new video on the internet, period. This comes from [[Tour of Chris's House|past videos]] I had uploaded that put my family and the [[house]] we live in into question and having the [[Jerkops|police]] come round to bother us, and the trolls and other people we don't know [[Prank calls|calling]] to bother us as well.

I Really can go for Months Without [[video games]], and I am going to prove it to you by devoting my money and my time to you. Granted I have missed the opportunity to start on that with the recent replacement, but it was funded by Store Credit at the Game Store, and my parents Loaned me the remaining half to make the replacement. I will be paying my mom and dad back in the next two months for that.

And on [[Julie|my past trip]] to Cleveland, Ohio, my mom and dad Called the Police On Me, and even metaphorically put a Bounty on my head. And more recently on the trip to [[MGS|Otakon]], they both did not want me to go at all, and they threatened calling the police on me again if I went and sending me to Jail. And they threatened changing the locks to the house and not allowing me back in, leaving me with NO home and [[PS3|necessities]]. I Really would have put together the funds to even hop a Bus to Tennessee to see you if I could, but I Fear my mother and father sending me to Jail if I even dared venture Outside of State, even IF I had told them about the trip and seeing you. I feel [[Basement Rosechus|bound and chained]] by my mom and dad; they both, especially my father, act like wardens who have little trust on me. Financial Situations are not really the restriction that prevents me from traveling, it's like if I travel at all, since the trip to Cleveland, I would not be allowed back into my own home and left homeless and even worse. And with that, that is why my relationships HAVE to be Local, although I would still be able and most willing to go to your place in Virginia to meet you and such.

I apologize for proposing the bet; although I would truly have gone through with it, it was wrong of me to even think of bringing it up at all.

Although a List of the comments and questions is more direct for me to understand, I still am capable of addressing them from within the paragraphs, as I have done so the past paragraphs. And to address the topics listed,

1. I will tell my mother and father that the [[PS3]] was Not Dead at the time of its destruction. 
2. I did not Promise to go without the PS3 for months, I stated that I could go for Months without it if I Had To, because I did state that I was going to Replace it anyway when I said that. My statement may have been misinterpreted as a promise. 
3. I don't know for sure how God feels about me lying to my parents to protect their feelings. But for lying to you, [[Chris and religion|I know he is angry with me]]. 
4. I think he feels sad about my addiction problem. But I Was and Still Am willing to treat it. I feel I can not do it alone; I need someone like you Close to me and In Person, because indirectly over the phone or over the internet is close, but not close enough. 
5. I WAS willing to come to you, but as I have explained in the earlier paragraph, [[Chris and reality|My Family would have me in Jail]] and/or Lock me Out of my House leaving me Homeless if I traveled outside of state. 
6. I am very willing to go until the first day of [[2011]] without video games, but I have to make positive that there is place for me outside of my [[Sonichu Home Club|Home]] before I make the commitment.

I do care about you, Jackie, and I really want to see you and be with you. But even though I can [[Monthly tugboat|raise the money]] quickly to Travel, I can not afford to lose my Home in the process.

If you did not have your own place outside of your parents' house, and they threatened to lock you out and leave you homeless, and you did not have a [[Cwcki|good record]], probably the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|worst record]], and you could not get even a Low-Paying Job [[Chris's resume|Anywhere]], would you really risk it all for someone you have met over the internet first, known for months, but have never met in person, with the risk of Point "B" not being there, because that's what happened to me with "[[Julie]]" in Cleveland? Would you NOT be cautious too and make positive for yourself that Point "B", and the person you having been talking to was there as well, or make it a Point to meet in the middle Locally and see the Person, followed by their Home, being their "Point A" and your "Point B"?

It is a LOT to deal with.

I wait for your response. I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 3, 2010 - 12:31am

Hey Chris.

The reason I say your words are empty is because your actions contradict them. That's what I mean. There is a big difference between what you say and what you do. Talking is cheap, it's easy for you. Talking requires no effort. It costs no effort for you to say that you're giving up video games, and you know it makes me happy to see it, so that's why you said it. You say you care about me because it costs nothing to say. But actually doing it, doing things to show me you care, is what takes effort, and that's where you get stuck.

Being able to foresee aspects of the future is irrelevant, because it's your choice. You have the choice to play video games or not. If a tornado destroys your house, that's something you can't foresee. If a carjacker steals your [[car]], that is something you can't foresee. But you stated you would not play video games for months. That is all on you. There's no outside element that can force you to play video games. The two things are not the same. I think the only thing you didn't bother to consider was that it might be just a little difficult to adjust to new behavior.

Chris, I took what you said as a promise, and you should have known that. If you can take the final slide of your prom's slideshow as a promise that a reunion was owed to you, then I can take your word that you can "go for months" without your PS3 as a promise. Fair is fair. And even if that weren't true, you would have no reason to say it unless you meant it as a promise. You promised me, and then you broke your promise. And why do you tell me how that it was funded by gamestop credit and your parents? I already told you how I feel about you tricking your parents out of their money. The point isn't how you paid for it, the point is that you just couldn't be strong enough to do anything until you got your PS3 back.

I look forward to hearing what your parents think about your coming clean. I don't think they will be very happy to hear that you lied about what you did just to get their money. But here's what I want you to do, something that will not only make them happy, but make me happy:

I want you to take your new PS3 back to [[Gamestop]] and return it. You have 7 days to make a return there, so you are definitely within the timeframe to return it. Go return the PS3 and get your money back, and then give all that money to your parents, since you owe it to them anyway. If Gamestop absolutely won't give you cash but instead only gives you store credit, then take the gift card and sell it for cash. I'm sure someone will give you money for it. Or you know what? You could sell it on ebay. That might actually make you more money. Then you can still give the cash to your parents. And then I want you to scan the receipt you get for returning it and show it to me. This is for the best, Chris. Your parents will be incredibly impressed with your decision to give up your addiction, as well as the sense of responsibility you show by giving them the money you owe them.

We've been over the idea of you taking a trip. You could take a greyhound bus instead of your parents' car. There is no way for them to put you in jail because you wouldn't be committing an actual crime. Either you're an adult or you aren't. And you could get a decent job if you actually tried. How many jobs have you actually applied to in the last week? The last month? The last year? [[Wal-Mart]] is one. Have you even tried any others? And from what you've told me about how forgiving your parents are, how willing they are to absorb your debts and cover you when you can't take responsibility for your own actions, I seriously doubt they would kick you out just because you wanted to go visit someone, especially if you manned up and told them beforehand. You are just repeating the same protests you did before without addressing how I responded to them. But for the moment, taking a trip is a dead issue anyway.

Chris, I haven't been able to be there all summer, but that's not an excuse for not attempting to treat your own addiction. Whether I'm there or not doesn't matter. The problem is all with you. Ultimately fixing your problems is up to YOU. I mean, like I said, I can't be there constantly. I can't hold your hand every hour or every day. Do you intend to just sit in your room, wallowing in your own filth until I waltz through the door and wisk you away from all your problems with a magical wave of my hand? That's not how this works, Chris. Guys who show no intent to help themselves and expect a girl to fix everything for them are not attractive. The same is true when it is a girl who doesn't try to help herself and wants a guy to fix all her problems for her. All I ever asked was for you to put down the video games. It is a perfectly reasonable request, but while you told me you could do it over and over, you never showed any willingness to stick to it. When I couldn't be there, you could have gone to your parents to lean on. Get them to support you. Ask them to help you seek treatment, go to addiction counseling. But you still never did.

Well, I want this to work, Chris. So for now I think we should just take it slowly. Right now, my top concern is that you go to Gamestop and return the PS3. I bet your financial situation will improve pretty quickly in the next couple months once you aren't dropping money left and right on [[PSN]] downloads. I look forward to seeing the receipt of your return. Or if you decide to sell it on [[ebay]] instead, I want you to send me the link to your ebay account and the transaction so I can keep an eye on it and see when it sells.

XOXO

Jackie

P.S. You're actually violating [[Chris and religion|two Commandments]] by [[lies|lying]] to your parents - you are Bearing False Witness by lying, and you are failing to Honor your Mother and Father. I'm pretty sure God is even madder about you lying to them than he would be about lying to me.}}

{{EmailReply|September 3, 2010 - 1:11pm

Firstly, I am sorry, but I am not going to return the PS3. However, I am going to Not spend money on the PSN Frivolously, so my finances will be getting better. I currently have about $100 in the bank after paying my family for this month. It will stay well above 3/4 of that by the day you and I meet, so I can and will be able to [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV |show you a good time]].

Please believe me when I tell you that you are more important to me than video games, and I will prove that by setting my money towards you and our future. I really want our relationship to work too.

So, you're back in town now. How about we make our date for tomorrow the 4th, meet at the previously discussed Starbucks at 1:00 PM, and we will share a good day together.

Let me prove myself to you, Sweetheart.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 3, 2010 - 3:21pm

Would you please explain to me how I am more important than your video games when replacing your precious PS3 is all you could think about? Also, please explain why being without a PS3 is so completely non-negotiable to you?

I'm sorry you seem to feel this way, Chris. But until you get rid of that thing, I have no reason to believe you'll even try to cut down on video games. And until you get rid of that thing, I don't think I'll be meeting you for a date. I am the only person who has given this relationship any kind of effort while all you do is sit there and wait for me to come to you. I'm going back to school this week anyway; at least school is what it says and doesn't back out on its word, so I think I'll spend my time there.

If you would like to see me, you will reconsider getting rid of it, or showing me some kind of sign that your word is worth something. That means more than words. Otherwise, my belief that your video games matter more than me or any girl will be proven correct.

But don't take this the wrong way, I still want to keep talking with you. Are you still working on that shadow-interview video? Let me know how that turns out.

Talk to you soon,

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 4, 2010 - 12:42am

Listen, Jacklyn, People are MORE Important to me than Video Games, regardless of me having the consoles in my possession or not.

To answer your big question, I need the PS3, because A) Blu-Ray Player, and it upgrades DVDs to High-Definition view for HD-TVs. B) Music Player; it plays CDs AND MP3s for background music, like a mini-stereo system. C) Photos; it stores my Digital Photographs, my Comic Pages and more images for display in Slideshow or individual views. D) Internet; it Browses the Internet Wirelessly, it even can play videos from most websites including YouTube, so I don't have to leave my room to surf the web. E) It helps a [[College]]'s Research; together with this state college (its name escapes me), it uses its [[Wikipedia:Folding@home|Folding @ Home]] Program to help the College(s) in their Protein Folding Research and Development; Look it up, Folding at Home. F) Social Output, between Playstation Home And Video-Chats, it's like going into a text-only chat room, but you actually Walk Up to people's Avatars and Converse with text, spoken words and hand gestures. Playstation 3 does a LOT more than just Games.

But aside from all of that, it is Real Life that is more important to me than ANY Video Game, Period. And Having a [[Girlfriend]] is THAT Important to me as well.

But from what I read from your last e-mail, I see what you're saying to me is "Chris, you are NOT Boyfriend Material; I am NOT going to Date you, and I would never go out with you; I'm not going to give you a chance to Prove Yourself to me In Person, because you'd likely mess up and prove me right; I'm putting you in the [[Friend Zone]], NEVER to let you be my ANYTHING Ever Again." And all that makes me feel really sad; I have been hurting a lot, and being put into the "Friend Zone" is like "Game Over" to me.

[[Hard Love Quest|I'm hurting deep]].

Stay Safe, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 4, 2010 - 3:04pm

Chris...

First of all, I am NOT putting you in any "friend zone". If anything, you have kind of friend-zoned me by saying you won't take a chance on not having a PS3 for a while. As for not giving you a chance in person, well, the fact is, I'm kind of afraid of putting myself out there like that, considering your track record of going back on your word. I wanted you to get rid of the new PS3 because I wanted you to show me some sign that I don't have to be afraid, that I can actually trust you. You talk about being me putting you in the friend zone, but the honest truth is that you have resisted every chance I have given you to impress me. If the friend zone existed, then I'm the one in it, not you.

Every reason you list for why you "need" a PS3 is something you could easily use a computer for - actually, more easily, in a lot of cases. I looked up that Folding @ Home thing, it's a project being run out of [[Wikipedia:Stanford University|Stanford University]]. For one thing, it doesn't require the Playstation 3 to participate; it was originally designed for computers. And two, if you actually really cared about the medical research that it's designed for, I would think you could remember the name of the school, or take 5 seconds to look it up like I did. I have friends who have PS3's, I've seen the web browser the thing uses, and honestly it sucks ass. It's a token, a novelty. You should have just gotten a cheap laptop or something for surfing the internet.

Remember when I started trying to get you to sell your video games so you could have more money, pay off your debts, and so forth? You dragged your feet and were unwilling to do it until I asked you many, many times. But when the PS3 needed you to do it, you dropped everything and rushed to the task. So of the two girls in your life - me and your PS3 - one girl can't seem to get a straight answer from you half the time and gets empty promises the other half, while the other girl gets your undivided attention as soon as she needs you.

To counter your reasons for "needing" a PS3, here are some reasons for why it would be good to get rid of it:

A) If I get rid of the PS3, Jackie will see that I can actually keep the promises I make her, and will be willing to go on a date with me. 
B) If I don't have a PS3, I'll be forced to go outside and talk to people in order to keep myself occupied, instead of sitting indoors playing all day. That means I'll make more friends and have a stable social life. 
C) Without a PS3, I won't be tempted to waste all my money on the PSN, considering that I have failed to stop myself from dropping all my money there numerous times in the past. That means I'll have more money. 
D) If I keep the PS3, knowing full well that Jackie refuses to go out with me until I get rid of it, I am admitting that I want the PS3 more than I want to be with a girl.

So to sum it up Chris, I feel like I am the one being friend-zoned. And if that really is how you want our relationship to be, then I wish you would just admit it. Because it seems kind of cowardly to blame ME for being the one doing the friend-zoning when you are just saying "sorry Jackie, but the PS3 is my number one girl, not you".

I await your reply.

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 4, 2010 - 4:41pm

You know Chris, I just wanted to reiterate, don't assume that I've friend-zoned you. One really annoying tendency you have is that you just keep assuming things. You repeatedly assumed I'll meet you at a certain place and time without asking, and now you're just assuming that I'm friend-zoning you when you are the one doing it to me. I have a feeling you're just doing this because you want to make me look like the bad guy and not have to do any work at the same time.

Prove me wrong, Chris. Otherwise I'LL be hurting deeply. If you don't care about me, then the least you can do is not use twisted truths and phrases to vilify me.

:(

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 5, 2010 - 5:36pm

Don't mislabel my console as a Human Being Equivalent, when it is clearly NOT Human at all. And I do not have Anything like what you're describing with it all. [[Sonichu|Real]] [[Rosechu|People]] are More important to me than any machine or video game. I feel like it is obvious that you are misunderstanding me. I thought you were cool with me and my Video Game Hobby when you said EXACTLY THAT. But I guess I was wrong.

You think I spend all day playing video games? I do not; [[DayOut|I actually go OUT]] and [[A Hike|walk about]] and enjoy the [[McDonald's|sunshine]] and [[Burger King|life]]. The only reason it is hard for me to socialize is because of my Social Anxiety that is my Fucking [[Autism]]. I can Socialize when I set my mind to it and I have [[Chris's Big Night Out|People Helping Me Socialize]], Including people who are Caring and Kind enough to [[Hanna|Approach Me First and Greet Me]].

They say "More Good Relationships Start from meeting over the Internet"; that ONLY works when the Couple ACTUALLY MEET EACH OTHER IN REAL LIFE PERSON. Otherwise, I totally disagree with that notion 100%. Both people are GLUED in front of their Computers, [[Xbox|HEXBoxes]], etc talking to these people they have NOT MET in Person At All. Including ALL of the Trolls that have been pestering me including [[Clyde]] and [[Tito]]. So I'm not alone when it comes to being in front of a Digital Monitor for an extended period of time, but at least I can talk to people when I do so. AND I get out every day for sunshine, exercise, and HOPEFULLY meet new people by Their Greeting. Sadly THAT notion is nearly extinct, because everyone is glued to their own [[Chris and His Ego|self-absorbed]], or otherwise, chores, duties, etc. soo much that they don't even give any person outside of themselves a passing glance or whatever.

I feel there is too much tension and distrust between you and me. As much as I want to believe there is something between us to make this relationship work, I have to look at the details realistically.

And to borrow the phrase and turn it appropriately, Maybe we should deglue ourselves from our Video Gaming Internet and Meet/Date other people In Person.

Until when we talk again or meet. Stay Safe, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|September 5, 2010 - 6:13pm

Okay, first of all, let me preface my email by saying that I don't want to sound angry, or try to pick an argument. Because some of my words might look a little stinging, but I want you to understand that I'm just trying to have a rational, mature discussion. I feel it's important to say that because you sound like you are getting exasperated and I don't want that.

Now, I said that you treat it like one because when you have a chance between seeing me and replacing your PS3, the PS3 is what you drop everything to go for. And as I said, I thought you were cool with going without video games for months when YOU said EXACTLY THAT. But I guess you lied. Sure, I called it a girl as a metaphor, but YOU'RE the one who [[Chris humps his PS3|HUMPED it in a video]] just to protect your online account. I've seen those videos, remember? The one where [[BlueSpike|that 13-year-old]] got you to do that? How is it NOT a like a girl when you're willing to FUCK it?

Tell me where and when you go out. When do you "set your mind" to meeting people? You say you can do it, but when do you do it? Give me times and dates of the last several times you've done so. I have social anxiety too, you know. I have shyness problems with people. Did you ever consider that? Or do you think your autism means you are the only person in the world who has difficulty talking to new people? I hate to break it to you bluntly, but your shyness is not at all special or rare. A LOT of people are shy around others they don't know. I really don't get why

And what do you mean you hope to meet other people by "THEIR" greeting? You talk about other peoples' lives and commitments like they are trivial compared to you, that if you walk by a person they should drop what they're doing and come up to YOU. When have YOU gone up to THEM and tried to start a conversation? Why does everyone have to go out of their way to do everything for you? You want people to take charge of the conversation with you. You wanted me to do all the work on that troll forum for you. You want me to go out of my way to come see you even though I'm a lot busier than you, but you won't consider coming to see me. Again Chris, do you think you are the only person in the world who is shy?? What if other people see you walking by and think to themselves, "hey, that rude guy is ignoring me and focusing on himself and his own self-absorbed duties and chores". Tell me why it always has to be someone else that does the work for you. Why can't you stop thinking about YOUR self-absorption (like using your autism as an excuse) and just take charge yourself?

And you say people are "glued in front of their computers, hexboxes, etc." Why didn't you include Playstation 3 in that list, hmm? Do you think all Xbox players are obsessed losers but all PS3 players are perfectly fine? What is this ridiculous loyalty you have to a fucking corporation? You complain about how the Xbox has a monthly payment and you have to pay extra to play DVDs, but how many thousands of dollars have you dumped into the PS3? Money is obviously not an object for you when the PS3 is involved. God, I just don't get this irrational hatred you have of Microsoft! It's a fucking computer toy! And for that matter, how are YOU not "GLUED" to your precious PS3?? You were going through withdrawals when you destroyed the first one and dropped everything else in your life just to replace it!! You have no right to complain about other people being addicted to the internet or computers or whatever.

*sigh*

Well, now that I've gotten that off my chest... so what now, are you just going to stop talking to me? Is that what you are going to do, just pick up and run away when there's a disagreement? You say we should go our separate ways and meet people in real life, but you just wrote a whole email about how you think it's the job of other people to go out of their way and do all the effort to make YOU feel okay. And how well has that approach worked for you, Chris? How many new people have you formed relationships with in the past year? How many people do you talk to besides me?

You know what, Chris, so what if we have to cool the romance for a little while? Maybe that's a good idea, but why can't you keep TALKING to me? Why do you have to just up and ditch this relationship because it gets a little difficult to manage? I've told you time and again that EVERY relationship has difficult times. I'm trying to help you not be so APATHETIC toward having relationships with people. Or are you saying I am really worth nothing to you now?

Just keep writing me Chris. I think it would be really good for you if you would just keep talking to me. Because retreating from talking to people isn't going to be good for you.

<3

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 7, 2010 - 3:48pm

So, what, you've just decided to never speak to me again? Wow, I guess your PS3 really is more important than talking to a real woman? Or is it just because I basically told you I won't be fucking you any time soon, therefore I'm worthless now?

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 7, 2010 - 10:14pm

Firstly, running away from a disagreement is not the answer, and I did not really mean it when I said that we should see other people. I've been hurting as well the past few days since I last e-mailed you. BTW, I noticed you e-mailed earlier today, but an error came up on my end, and it was deleted, so I was unable to read it.

But I needed to space myself to think about the details for myself and come up with a reasonable solution to the disagreements and such. I felt I was unable to resolve the disagreement quickly enough, and then I felt confused, leading me to say what I said in error.

Jacklyn Romy, there is No One Else, and [[Chris and reality|realistically]] there will never be anyone else who is as pretty as you who has the patience of a saint, who is willing to put up with most of my personal [[Anger|quirks]], [[Obesity|impulses]] and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|whatnot]]. And there are things I feel I am unable to immediately change.

My mind goes blank at certain times, of which I am uncertain when, but I am certain it is when A) [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|I am listening to other people converse with each other in front of me.]] B) When people raise their voices loudly to me (or to someone else and I happen to be there during the event). To put this another way, my mind gets as blank and confused as the dude [[Wikipedia:Steve Carell|Steve Carrel]] played in "[[Wikipedia:The 40-Year-Old Virgin|The 40 Year Old Virgin]]". I feel my lack of self-confidence in real-life situations is a contribution to that mental blankness.

Anyway, as for the recent disagreement, I would like to offer a compromise. Without the loan, I made $130 in a few days. I am willing to make the $130 again, in Cash, and come to see you at my own expense. This way, I feel I can earn a bit of self-respect for making money for my Sweetheart over material replacements. And I understand your feelings of the material replacement... I'm catching myself right here, with a potential self-set-up towards more trouble, so I'm stopping myself there.

I Love and Care about you more than anything, because you are the best woman who has come into my life, and I do not want to ever lose you over a petty disagreement other couples can have as well.

Please let me redeem myself for you, Jackie.

XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.

P.S.

This does not mean the selling of my PS3; I felt I should inform you of that, but I have other reasonable ways to get the $130 as quickly.}}

{{Email|September 8, 2010 - 4:19pm

Hi Chris.

I was worried that you weren't going to write me again, it seemed like you were just kind of losing interest. I'm glad you wrote me back, though. That email I sent you was just a check-in to see if you were still checking your email.

It's good that you were able to raise that $130, but I'm just curious why you couldn't wait to get your new PS3 a few more days if you were able to raise it this quickly. You still got your parents to loan you the money even though you already owe them so much, and even though you didn't need it.

And yes, you know how I feel about the PS3, and that isn't going to change. I think you are addicted to that thing, and I think you need to bring yourself to get rid of it if you are going to move forward in life. I know it's difficult to make changes, but I don't get why you are so unwilling to even consider making this change to your life. And like I said, I get that you're shy, a lot of people are. But you stated that you expect people to drop what they're doing and come up to you to start conversations, but you aren't willing to try doing so yourself. You claim that other people are too obsessed, "glued" as you say, to their computers and "hexboxes" (again, I don't get what reason you think you have to hate the Xbox, it's just another console the same as your PS3). But you conveniently left PS3s out of that list, as if no one could ever spend too much time on a PS3.

Why do you think it's possible to be addicted to an Xbox, but not a PS3? How can you complain about other people being too addicted to their video games? I mean, you destroyed your PS3, but then you dropped everything else just so you could replace it, so you could get your fix. When you complained about people being too obsessed with technology, you were describing yourself.

Hmm... Well, anyway, it might be nice to see you. But are you really sure you want to? You seemed less than enthused about the idea of meeting me in your last email. I'm not so sure I'm convinced. How much do you want to be with me, Chris? How much do you really want to be with me?

Jackie}}

{{E-mails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Chris and money

2010-12-17T10:43:23Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* In other works */ Fix redlink

{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]]. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' [[PS3]] game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris's only source of income is the $809 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,708. Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board.<ref>Miyamoto Saga</ref>; this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after [[Bob]] paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref> In addition, Chris and his family get [[Wikipedia:Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program|SNAP]] money every month - more commonly known as "food stamps."{{cite}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. |Chris, [[Chris_and_His_Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].}}

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] has been encouraging his son to remain unemployed, since he believes that Chris will earn more money from his monthly tugboat than from getting a job. However, this assumption is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: $15,100 annually. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000 in ''spending'' money, as in, for more [[sex toys]] and [[video games]]. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents; it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either delusion or knowing that his son is a [[fail]]ure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his [[Barb|coddling]] [[Bob|parents]] are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they have managed to make sure that Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[List of restaurants|fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on [[list of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and [[sex toys|useless stuff]], as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Bob and Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that he [[Target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit, he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since [[Wikipedia:Sales tax|sales tax]] goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for [[Chris]]'s [[autistic]] mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle [[money]], Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails_2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By then, [[Bob Chandler]] had had to step in, forcing Chris to put the brakes on his spending and pay down his debt according to a regular schedule. Chris, unaware of or uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit-card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the [[monthly tugboat]] in compensation. This act of parental scapegoating could have potentially cleared Chris's future to be free of bad credit and crushing debt, had he not already acquired another credit card...

=== Best Buy Mastercard ===

In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claims that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continues that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris' credit rating (though that ship has ''long'' since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seems to use this damning information to try to make Chris' latest brush with the [[law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* [[Troll]]s achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme, just by chance, hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that [[Best Buy]] had foolishly given him; he mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there; and then he blamed his debt on [[trolls]], in another transparent attempt to avoid responsibility.

One of Chris's [[Jackie_E-mails_7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission: he only told them about it after receiving two bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to pay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. Chris now receives only an allowance in the form of [[Visa]] gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt. The prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie_E-mails_8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with [[Jackie]], Chris claims that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to [[Bob|his father]] were the work of [[troll]]s. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he's just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes.

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, a la [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]], and states, let alone cities, while having considerable power, cannot print their own money. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. Granted, states used to issue their own money - when they were colonies, and during hard times like the Revolutionary War. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class, missed out on this information.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating education|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, à-la the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

Chris also seems to not understand that [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|if the health department, of Greene County, sees that TV show, that he put on the damn TV, they could be evicted, and he would have to move out]].

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

PS3

2010-12-17T09:42:56Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Fix anchor, good links, removing links to the same page (using only the anchor reduces load on the page)

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Sony playstation 3.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s orginal "life upgrade." He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made [[Pixelated PS3|a video]] where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]]. He would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his [[monthly tugboat]], using one of his many collected credit cards. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade.

Chris's replacement '''PS3''' is his second life upgrade. Despite ceremoniously "[[The MovingFoward videos|MovingFoward]]" only a few days before, Chris could not live without his life upgrade, and so reportedly wasted yet more of [[America]]ns' tax dollars replacing it. He was earning new trophies with it by the second week of September 2010. May the frivolous [[PSN]] spending and hacking drama continue.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation emails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he has even bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$3405.22''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===

The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's perhaps not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from the PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

In light of the second wave of [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}

=== Trophies ===

According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 7 December 2010, Chris has 1389 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

The games where he had over 50% progress so far include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|48
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the God of War Collection.
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s Ultimate Genesis Collection''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the Sonic ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 4 Episode I''
| 12
| 100%
| Not unexpected.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| Apparently, a demoscene production. ''Not'' remarkable. Most people already had 1000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have got 100% in Gunstar Heroes, but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain
| 10
| 100%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>[[Brutal Legend Plus]]</ref>
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that Braid is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under 5 hours.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
|
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D Sonic title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|NUMBLAST is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen]]''
| 8
| 57%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously?
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===

As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiian]].

==Fanboyism==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|TgE0By-LYMQ}}</center>

{{quote|So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is]]}}
{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call... My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]
On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability connect his PS3 to the internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty... just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over 3 years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but fortunately this did not go to plan and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive, but it's more likely that Chris [[Autism|wasn't even listening]] to the things the representative was saying, being more concerned with being able to use his life upgrade again as soon as possible. This dubious series of events was disputed by CWC experts, who suspect that Chris may not have been his [[List of Chris's lies|TRUE and HONEST self]]. However, his PSN account activity suggested he had indeed deleted fucking everything.

==Destruction==

[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]]]]

On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained [[The MovingFoward videos]] where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved Life Upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a troll-proffered reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The Rebirth ==

[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his [[Tito and Clyde emails]] that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

== The PS Move of Fail ==

[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|right|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]]

It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

==Other oddities==

Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in [[Brutal Legend]].</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - a video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
*[[List of Chris's games]] - detailing his entire game collection.
*[[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
*[[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
*[[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempt to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
*[[PS3 History Level]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[PSP]]
*[[PSN Blogs]] - an archive of Chris's posts.
*[[Sonichu Home Club]] - because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
*[[Sony]]
*[[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - the Kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
*[[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Medallions

2010-12-16T23:07:16Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Mark 1 (and decoy) */ Fix redlink

[[Image:License.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Oh yes he fucking did]]
[[Image:ickeriss_medallions.jpg|150px|thumb|Top to bottom: [[PS3|The Good]], [[Hex Bawx|the Bad]], [[Chris and art|the Ugly]]. Left to right: The decoy Sonichu medallion, the [[Jiggliami]] medallion, the Rosechu medallion, and the [[Blake]] medallion]]

{{quote|Watch out for the medallion!|[[Niggo|Ludacris]]}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] loves his original character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] so much that he sometimes wears a handmade Sonichu medallion on his neck. In public. He also calls them "medals."<ref>[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]</ref><ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref><ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref><ref>[[Chris Chan Update 9 October 2008]]</ref>

The Sonichu medallion, along with his trademark [[Chris and fashion|striped shirt]], is perhaps his most famous characteristic. Over the years, Chris has produced numerous medallions of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] characters. They're made from [[CHRIS!!!_CHANDLER!!!|Crayola-fuckin'-Model-Magic.]]

==Origins and purpose==

[[Image:096-SonichuMedallion.jpg|150px|thumb|Like anything else Chris holds dear, it also comes in card form]]
[[Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The earliest known photo of Chris with the medallion, from 24 February [[2004]], Chris's 22nd birthday. The medallion is in profile, with [[Wikipedia:Shrinky Dinks|Shrinky Dinks]] hanging from its chain.]]

Though Chris previously could not recall when he first made the Medallion, in [[August 2009]], Chris finally recalled the origins of the Medallion. From [[CWCipedia]]:<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation]</ref>

{{quote|Then Late [[2000]], I bought some [[Wikipedia:Crayola|Crayola]] Model Magic Clay, and I molded and crafted the First Original Sonichu Medallion that I wore around my neck with a makeshift chain (which I later replaced with a better necklace I bought from [[Anna|Pacific Sunwear]] at my [[Mall]]). Sadly, the First Original was mistrusted with a [[Blanca Weiss|feindish individual]] in [[2008]], I recrafted the Medal and continued on (The Necklace Still Holds ALL the History of the Medallions). THERE IS CURRENTLY ONLY ONE Original, True Sonichu Medallion, and it is NOT MADE FROM [[CChanSonichuCWC|PAPER]] cheaply, NOT MANUFACTURED IN A FACTORY from Plastic or Metal (yet); IT IS MADE FROM CRAYOLA MODLE MAGIC CLAY, with my Permanent Ink Signature, Copyright Note, Circle of Originality, and Two Custom Shrinkie-Dink Charms of Sonichu and an [[S-Chu Ball]].}}

Despite being allegedly created in March [[2000]], the earliest known photograph of Chris wearing a Sonichu medallion is from his twenty-second birthday, 24 February [[2004]]. In his [[So Need a Cute Girl]]" video (20 December [[2004]]) he feels it necessary to explain what it is, suggesting that it is still a relatively new feature.

In a [[Mumble]] chat on 10 [[February 2009]], Chris revealed the reason for the medallion and that is... because he wanted to. It's "like a nametag" for him.<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> In one of his [[ED]] edits, Chris says that his medallion "identifies him for the [[autism|high-funcioning [''sic''] Autistic]] individual that he is".<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997315096&oldid=1997314465] Chris ED edit, Revision as of 07:28, 10 November 2007</ref> And man, it sure does. It has also been speculated there could be other reasons for wearing his medallion, which range from simply thinking Sonichu is '''SERIOUS BUSINESS''', to being a portable anchor in our dangerous real world to [[CWCville]], his own happy world where he's always the hero who saves the day.

[[File:Soniccomicmedallion.png|thumb|Chris can't come up with any original ideas.]] One recent theory as to the origin of the medallion idea comes from the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' comic series (Issue #70) in which a character is depicted wearing a yellow Sonic medallion. This theory is supported by the fact the issue came out in February [[1999]], a year before Chris claims that the Sonichu medallion was created.

Each medallion is constructed from [[Wikipedia:Crayola|Crayola]] Model Magic, a non-toxic, easy-to-use modeling clay intended for small children. Chris wedges a keyring into the edge of each medallion, from which he can attach a chain to go around his neck. Sometimes he wears a [[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]] wristband on top of it because, being autistic, he mostly likely has [[Wikipedia:Sensory_defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], which might render the sensation of the chain's links uncomfortable. Medallions are painted with acrylic paint in the color schemes of the characters they represent, with [[Chris and copyright|copyright information]] scrawled on the back. Additional detailing varies, but Chris is known to have applied [[Wikipedia:Shrinky Dinks|Shrinky Dink]] charms to certain medallions as a form of authentication, to prevent counterfeiting.
{{clear}}

==The Sonichu medallion==

[[Image:0712-CWCCollGrad3.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris even wore it at his God-damn [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation]]
[[Image:FushionRedone.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Before [[Blanca]], it was believed that the Medallion of Fail would corrupt its possessor, turning him into an autistic manchild with a poor taste in [[Chris and fashion|fashion]]]]

Chris's primary medal is his Sonichu medallion, which he has rarely been seen without for the past five years. This medallion of course depicts his main character, Sonichu. Within the canon of Chris's [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], the medallion is the source of the [[anchuent powers]] that allow Chris to assume his Electric Hedgehog alter ego, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

As he explained to [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] in his [[The Sonichu Chronicles|business proposal]], the medallion gives him no special powers in real life.

In several videos, Chris says that in order for it to be a TRUE and HONEST video, it will be of him wearing the medallion. In this manner he attempted to cast doubt on the videos he posted confessing [[homos]]exuality, since he was not wearing his medallion in that footage.

Since the discovery of Chris on [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], it had been understood among trolls that the Sonichu medallion was Chris's most cherished possession and that he would cry like a bitch if it were ever taken from him, making its capture a prime objective. This proved only partially true. Chris does not seem to have a special attachment to any one particular medallion, but merely his ability to always wear one at all times. Further, all successful efforts to eliminate the medallions have resulted in relatively little outrage; Chris is always more concerned with his internet girlfriends being fake than he is over losing his property because of them.

 

===Prototype===
{{quote|He was also wearing a makeshift necklace that has a large plastic medallion in the shape of a Pokeman [sic] characters [sic] head. He also had a number of shrinky dink decorations attached to this necklace.|Psychiatrist describing the prototype Medallion of Fail<ref>[[Autism_papers#MENTAL_STATUS_EXAM]]</ref>}}

[[Image:094-SchuMedl.jpg|150px|thumb|Earliest known version of the medallion.]]
[[Image:190-chumedal.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Computer rendering. This required over 9000 hours in MS Paint, as well as an associates degree in CAD/CAM.]]
It appears that the very first medallion Chris created is the one seen to the right, which Chris was photographed wearing sporadically in [[2004]]. This design is definitely cruder than the others, with a pale yellow hue suggesting Chris was still learning how to properly apply color in this medium. This version is always seen on a metal chain, accompanied by Shrinky Dinks of a "CWC" logo, [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and the [[Chaotic Combo]].

Chris wore this medallion as late as May [[2004]], when he brought it with him to the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention that year. He would also wear this medallion later in the year, when he received a [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]].

 

===Mark 1 (and decoy)===
[[Image:Chrischan_sonichu_medal.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Spoiler: he even wears it during his sex fantasies]]
[[Image:Decoy medallion.JPG|thumb|150px|The decoy medallion]]

[[Image:SpecialSymbols.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The SPECIAL SYMBOLS to identify the TRUE and HONEST medallion.]]
[[Image:Terrifying by neodalion.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris's supposed reaction to the destruction of his medallion (artist's depiction).]]

By [[June 2005]] Chris had begun to wear a new medallion with a better paint job. This one can be identified by the tufts of fur on the sides of Sonichu's face, which are less pronounced than in the prototype and later models. There are no Shrinky Dinks to go with it, and instead of a chain it hangs from some sort of beaded necklace. The appearance of this version in pictures and videos seems to correspond with the introduction of Chris's red-and-blue striped shirts. This may be the medallion he was wearing in the [[So Need a Cute Girl|20 Dec 2004 video]]. It is definitely the medallion he wore to the [[2005]] Anime Mid-Atlantic convention.

No one is sure how many medallions Chris wore between 2005 and [[2008]], but in all pictures they appear roughly the same as this design. Sonichu's face has eyebrows in some photos and not in others, so either Chris was repainting the same medallion or making new ones. [[4chan]] and [[ED]] are filled with high-functioning [[autistic]]s who have pored over photographs identifying subtle differences in the medal's "ears" and "cheeks," without arriving at a consensus. For the sake of clarity, this article will assume that this was Chris's only medallion during this period.

In [[August 2008]] an anon on /v/ offered a story and photograph suggesting that he had met Chris in real life and tricked him into giving the medallion to him. However, Anon aspies all immediately analyzed the details of dozens of pictures and determined the "stolen" medallion to be a forgery. This conclusion was reaffirmed when Chris himself decided to post [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008|a video]] announcing that the medallion had never been stolen, defiantly claiming that nobody would take it from him. He also denied it in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].

Chris claimed to have made multiple Sonichu medallions and that he would sometimes wear these decoys to frustrate attempts to steal the one true medallion. It would remain unclear whether he was bluffing until October [[2008]] when the team of [[troll]]s posing as [[Blanca Weiss]] tricked him into sending all of his medallions to them. The package they received contained no fewer than ''two'' yellow Sonichu medals: one with the special markings identifying it as the "real" one, and another with no markings. It may be assumed that these were the only two medallions he owned at that time. Neither of them was the prototype, however, and its fate is unclear.

A video that showed the destruction of the medallion was eventually uploaded to [[YouTube]]. Chris responded by [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]]. Its remains are currently locked in a box somewhere at [[Wikipedia:Miskatonic University| Miskatonic University]]. As for the decoy Sonichu medallion, it ultimately ended up in the possession of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]'s owner/webmaster, Girlvynl.

 
<center>{{#ev:youtube|bzlUoAOpiak}}</center>

 

===Mark 2===
[[Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|150px|thumb|It identifies him for the high-functioning autistic individual that he is]]

After sending the medallions to Blanca, and being told by Blanca that trolls had stolen them from "her," Chris created a new Sonichu medallion with a slightly larger design. He posted [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|a video]] [[lie|explaining]] that Blanca had recovered the original one and sent it back to him, and that he had modified it. This new medallion boasted a special peg on the reverse side which could be used to hold Chris's [[high school ring]], which somehow made it copy-protected.

Assuming Chris did not create any backup medallions, this is the same one he wore while posing in [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]]'s underwear at the request of [[troll]]s posing as [[Blanca]]. During this same exchange he later [[semen|ejaculated]] onto the medal. Shortly thereafter Chris posted [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|a new video]] in which he is visibly not wearing the medallion. It's unclear if he replaced this soiled medallion or if he cleaned it; in either case he was wearing it (or a similar duplicate) again by 27 October.

On 3 [[March 2009]], [[Max]] coerced Chris into cutting his medallion into pieces and shoving those pieces up his [[Wikipedia:Rectum|rectum]]. The idea of Chris literally inserting these chunks of ceramic into his rectum (and therefore risking anal tearing and sepsis) was highly controversial. Some have argued that he merely placed them between his buttcheeks (either in an attempt to deceive [[Max]] or out of ignorance of how to get them past his sphincter), but in any case, the remnants of the medallion were assuredly covered in [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal matter]]. Whatever happened, Chris thinks that [[Bob|his father]] would "have another heart attack" if he knew the details.

===Mark 3===
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|150px|thumb|Oh God, the taste...]]
[[Image:New sonichu medallion.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The first formal appearance of the Mark 3 medallion. It's like ''[[Wikipedia:The Blair Witch Project|The Blair Witch Project]]'', but only a few seconds long and the entire budget (and then some) spent on the crap on the background]]

Although Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|claimed]] that he was making a new medallion, he didn't wear any medal in his [[YouTube]] videos between the 3 [[March 2009]] incident and his 1 [[July 2009]] videos. During this period he argued that his high school [[ring]] may be accepted as a symbol of his truthiness. However, since this statement was made without the medallion, this was false and Chris disproved himself.

In photos released 17 [[April 2009]] of Chris in some [[butt garments]], the new medallion, Mark 3, is shown as Chris licks it in a sensuous fashion. The release of these images proved doubly hurtful for Chris, not only for showing him, a shell of a manchild, in diapers but even worse in that it confirmed that there is a new Medallion that can either be seized and/or shoved up his rectum.

Despite the fact that he had made a new medallion, Chris was for some time reluctant to wear it in his videos, allegedly out of the fear that trolls would start a new campaign to seize the medallion and/or shove it up his rectum.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|22 May 2009]] this medallion made a surprise cameo in Christian's newest video. During the update, the video randomly cuts to the medallion hanging from the ceiling, only to cut back to Chris seconds afterward, presumably to add extra validity to the statements made in Chris's video.

The [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009|1 July 2009]] videos mark the full return of the Medallion of Fail, as Chris wears the third medallion around his neck throughout both videos.

CWC enthusiasts can look forward to Chris voluntarily surrendering the medallion to thieves and/or willingly shoving it up his rectum in the near future.

 

==The Rosechu medallion==
[[Image:Medallion Rosechu.jpg|150px|thumb|left|A gift for his beloved sister-wife]]
[[Image:Rosechu medallion.JPG|150px|thumb|Close-up]]

Only one medallion of Sonichu's [[sweetheart]] [[Rosechu]] is known to have existed, but it is speculated to be the first one Chris fashioned after the Sonichu one. The Rosechu medallion was intended to be worn by Chris's future [[heartsweet]], the one who would be his true love and bear him his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]. Chris has never been seen wearing it himself. It was sent with the others to Blanca in October 2008.

The medallion was first revealed to the Internet in the pages of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], where Chris's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|imaginary twin sister Crystal]] was introduced wearing it. In the comics Crystal possesses the same anchuent powers as Chris and the Rosechu medallion therefore allows her to become Crystalina Rosechu. That a real Rosechu medal existed was not learned until later, when Chris revealed it to [[PandaHalo]].

In case it hadn't occurred to you yet: Chris did, in real life, make a medal to be awarded to the future mother of his children, and in his fantasy world he has affixed this same medal to the twin sister he created to explore what he would be like if he'd been born female. Freud would doubtlessly have some choice words to say about this.

 

==The Black Sonichu medallion==
[[Image:Blachu Medallion.JPG|150px|thumb|left|He's too angry to show his [[fangs]]]]
[[Image:Black sonichu.JPG|150px|thumb|Close-up]]

Although Black Sonichu (now [[Blake]]) seems to have originally served as an analogue for [[Wes Iseli]],<ref>As seen in [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - [[:File:433-CWCSNHP9.jpg]]</ref> Chris appears to use the Black Sonichu medallion to represent his own dark side. The picture at the left speaks volumes about its significance; Chris seems to believe that if he scowls hard enough and wears the evil medallion, then whoever he's angry with will be terrified into capitulation, such as when he wore it in a video aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]].

The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] in the comics foretells that the Black Sonichu medallion would be created as a dark reflection of the original, yellow Sonichu medallion Chris wears. Beginning with [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] began wearing the dark medal and acting as Christian's evil twin, following the urges Chris himself keeps bottled up inside him. Like Christian, Naitsirhc summons powers from his medallion to become [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]].

Naitsirhc's medallion notwithstanding, Black Sonichu's role as the symbol of pure evil has softened in recent years as Chris has allowed the character to soften and fall in love with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. As such the actual Black Sonichu medallion was rarely seen until it was sent to Blanca in October [[2008]].
{{Clear}}

==The Jiggliami medallion==
Despite the purpose of the Rosechu medallion, Chris was so in love with Blanca that he created a brand-new medallion for her to wear based on Blanca's original character [[Jiggliami]]. This medallion was sent along with the others to Blanca in October 2008. Blanca was depicted wearing this medallion in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and [[Sonichu 8|#8]]. It was sent to the now-former admin of the [[/cwc/]] imageboard and currently resides in a holding facility somewhere in California.

It is the simplest of the medallions, being a plain circle with no three-dimensional pieces. Consequently, it's probably the least hideous of the medallions, as Chris has limited the number of ways he can fail by giving himself less work to do.
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Jiggliamimedallion.jpg|On the back, it reads "Medallion crafted by Christian Weston Chandler."
Image:Jiggliami_Medallion_Front_Scan.jpg|Scanned image of the front of the Jiggliami Medallion.
Image:Jiggliami_Medallion_Back_Scan.jpg|Back of the Jiggliami Medallion. The signature by Chris has faded with time.
</gallery>
</center>
==The [[Asperchu]] Medallion (a.k.a. The Medallion of Win?)==
[[Image:Asperchumedal.jpg|200px|thumb|The Medallion of Win in all its glory]]

In [[Magical Man Potion|one video]], Chris's mysterious friend is seen sporting an odd medallion. In [[02 March 2010|another video]] a few days later, the medallion is confirmed to be one of Asperchu. Apparently, it was crafted by Alec Benson Leary and given to Chris as a symbol of goodwill. In that video, Chris is pained to have the medallion around and have it hung up on his wall.

Chris wears the medallion while impersonating Alec Benson Leary in his video [[100 2270]].

==Gone forever?==
Chris was believed to have abandoned his medallions in [[2010]], but then was seen wearing one on 6 [[September 2010]] in [[Haters gonna hate.mov]]. All is right with the world again.
{{clear}}

==See also==
*[[Amnyfest Ring]], another source of Chris's power

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

Sonichu (comic)

2010-12-16T05:22:59Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* How-to and overview */ Semi-colon usage for "however"

[[Image:SonichuLogo.png|center|Man's ultimate Rorschach test]]

{{quote|My art speaks for me.|Christian [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|introducing his oeuvre]].}}

'''''Sonichu''''' was [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s official poorly [[Art|drawn]] and [[Chris and writing|written]] comic book adventures of him and his (imaginary) friends. Despite starting out as a comic about the titular character, it quickly turned into a wish-fulfillment outlet for Chris and his depraved fantasies, with Sonichu being a main character in-name-only, playing second fiddle to Chris's almighty Mary Sue self-inset.

==Introduction==
[[Image:SonicVsSonichu.jpg|thumb|180px|[[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comics)|THE WORLD'S MOST WAY PAST COOL COMIC!]]]]
The inadvertent shattering of his heart from [[Sarah Hammer]], along with the expulsion from English class and the confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] provided the impetus for Christian to kick-start the comic series in full [[Fail|force]]. It initially served as a complement to his [[Love Quest]] as a feeble attempt to link an accomplishment, or boast his own self-worth to unsuspecting prey...after all, Sonichu ''is'' "Zappin' to the Extreme!" He is Christian Weston Chandler's ''only'' son, and the first ''way past cooler'' Electric Hedgehog Pokémon!

If you haven't closed this page yet:
* It's because despite reading, and re-reading the words...it still doesn't make it any sense.
* You are an aspiring [[autistic]] artist looking for some inspiration.
* You're laughing so hard you can't wait for what comes next!

The comics series has been hosted on the various incarnations of Christian's [[Sonichu site|homepage]] (currently hosted nowhere), and was originally promoted from his now defunct ''Sonichu'' business cards. Each new addition to the series would proudly sport the now-infamous ''to be continued'' disclaimer page. In fact, the comics are not updated with any regular frequency: In five years Chris has yet to complete ''twelve'' issues. This, of course, from a man who is [[Wikipedia:NEET|not in employment, education, or training]]. With a page-rate such as this you know you can count on the [[fail|quality]]!

==Reader's Guide to ''Sonichu''==

===How-to and overview===
[[Image:JargonPage.jpg|thumb|180px|The ever infamous JARGON page.]]
[[Image:ComicTBCont.jpg|thumb|180px|TO BE CONTINUED (c) 2001-????]]
The ''Sonichu'' series began with issue #0 instead of #1, and each issue contained multiple separately-numbered "episodes", so [[trolls|readers]] often lost track of which story happened in which issue. For example, [[Black Sonichu]] was introduced in Episode 4, which was the fifth story in the overall series and the first story in ''Sonichu'' #1, which was in turn the second comic. Further confounding matters were the [[Sub-Episodes]] about Christian's [[Love Quest]], which appeared in issues #0-4 and were numbered separately from the main stories.

Issues #0-1 featured [[Sonichu]] as the unchallenged star of the series, with Christian as a supporting character also appearing in the backup strips. By issue #2, the comic had abruptly transitioned to Christian encountering people from his real life in shitty [[anime]] battles. Token attempts to tell Sonichu stories and introduce Sonichu spin-off characters were made in #3, but all pretense was dropped in #4-7 as the series becomes a vehicle for Christian, as the leader of a heroic band of Muppets, to battle against an old woman and a group of ineffectual security guards, and later on, against people who didn't like the comic.

The comic series was presented as if it were a cartoon or [[anime]] (which might explain why the comics mimic visual effects that work in an audiovisual context but [[fail]] on paper), and was encapsulated into ''seasons'' with various episodes (or ''series'', for some of our Eurofag friends). [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was intended to wrap up the ''first season'' of ''Sonichu''; however, it appears that Christian will fall slightly short of the standard 26 episode "full season" run. This opened a can of worms as to the current vision of the comics: Was ''Sonichu'' intended to be the hit action/adventure soap-opera TV show that is broadcast in [[CWCville]], or was it the historical documentation of Christian's and Sonichu's life and times? Perhaps it was destined to be the Gospel from the Stay-at-Home Autistic Virgin Male, ''[[Chris and religion#Delusions of Godhood.3F|hallowed be His name]]''. Either way it remained unanswered whether Christian continues on with the series because he has a vain, misguided belief that some TRUE and HONEST soul would consider these as "storyboards" for proper licensing and production.

===Art imitating life===
Sensing some criticism for the self-centeredness of his work, Christian wrote himself out of the series toward the end of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], trapping the Christian character in the [[Time Void]] so that the storyline could focus on other characters. Despite this, Sonichu still served as a strong Mary Sue character, as seen in Sonichu fighting [[4-cent_garbage.com]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. This self-imposed exile lasted about five minutes, as Christian managed to make a cameo on page 18 of '''Sonichu'' #8.

He returned from the Time Void at the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], giving all non-Christian characters approximately one issue to have the spotlight to themselves, during which they mostly talked about how much they loved Christian and hoped he would return safely. On the final page of the issue, Chris claimed that he would write himself out of the series permanently, giving his characters the opportunity to shine on their own. He went back on this promise almost the moment he made it — issue #10 is one of the most Christian-centric of the entire series.

Following the theft of his [[Medallions of Fail]] by [[Blanca]], Christian immediately released a new comic adapting the theft into his fictional canon and explaining that the TRUE source of his power lay in his [[High School Ring of Fail]]. Since this story was necessarily set after Christian escapes the time void, it was deemed a special preview of ''Sonichu'' #10, despite the fact that Chris had at that point not finished ''Sonichu'' #8 or even begun ''Sonichu'' #9.

The entire ''Sonichu'' series has been faithfully adapted into [[audiobooks]] on YouTube.

In the closest the series will ever come to a real critical review, the ''Sonichu'' comic (although it was webcomics in general for reasons explained in the video) was #3 on Atop the Fourth Wall's Linkara "Top 15 Comics I'll Never Review" video (being beaten only by Spider-Man's One More Day and any Sonic comic). Linkara states that he is aware of this abomination and does not want to bring further attention to it. That's right folks, the comic is so bad that a critic who reviews awful comics won't even touch it! Plus he reviewed a Sonic comic anyway for his subsequent 100th issue, so now it's #2.

==List of issues==

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Episode
! style="background:silver;" width=20% | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| rowspan="5"|[[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 1
| "Sonichu's Orgin"
| The amazing origin story of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon! ''First appearance of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Kel]], [[Rosechu]]. Only appearance of [[Perfect Chaos]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 2
| "Genesis of the Lovehogs"
| The origin story of how Sonichu and Rosechu became a true loving couple!
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 3
| "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"
| The first meeting between Sonichu and Naitsirhc! ''First appearance of [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].
|-
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"Classic Sonichu Strips"
| Random stupid stories with Sonichu. ''First appearance of [[Black Sonichu]] (Blake), [[Jerkops]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Only appearance of [[Metonic]], [[Vamprosa]] and [[Barbara Chandler]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 1
| Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| The first Sub-Episode! This details Christian's first encounter with the Jerkops!
|-
| rowspan="4"|[[File:issueone.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 4
| Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"
| The origin of Blake! ''First appearance of [[Doctor Robotnik]], [[Giovanni]] and [[Bill the Scientist]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 5
| Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"
| Blake kidnaps Rosechu, Sonic and Sonichu run into each other, then team up.
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 6
| "Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat""
| Sonic and Sonichu fight Robotnik's latest creation. ''Only appearance of [[Metal Sonichu]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 2
| Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"
| The comic version of Chris's encounter with Hanna. ''Only appearance of [[Hanna]].''
|-
| rowspan="4"|[[File:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 7
| Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"
| Chris takes over the story as his Sonichu medallion unleashes the power of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. ''First appearance of [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Wes Iseli]], [[Ancient Leader of the Cherokee Clan]].'' '' Only appearance of the Keeper of the Destiny Cave.''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 8
| Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"
| The three empowered hedgehogs meet and fight. ''First appearance of [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 9
| Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"
| Saramah breaks up with Wes-Li as Slaweel the Witch makes her first big attack on CWCville! ''First appearance of [[Count Graduon]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 3
| Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"
| Chris and Sonichu confront Slaweel!
|-
| rowspan="3"|[[File:Issue3.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 10
| "Sonichu Babies"
| The origins of the Chaotic Combo! ''First appearance of [[Wild Sonichu]], [[Bubbles Rosechu]], [[Magi-Chan]], [[Angelica Rosechu]], [[Punchy Sonichu]], [[Sonee and Rosey]]. Only appearance of Nabe, [[Mypoe]] and the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 11
| The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"
| Blake steals the Master Sunstone and the Chaotic Combo unite! ''Only appearance of [[Flame the Sunbird]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 4
| Christian Chandler in "McAttack"
| Chris is attacked in the M-C-D-ville by two Manajerks! ''First appearance of [[B-Manajerk]], [[Merried Seinor Comic]], [[W-M Manajerk]], [[Darkbind Sonichu]].'' ''Only appearance of Super Chris-Chan Sonichu.''
|-
| rowspan="8"|[[File:Issue4.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]'''
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 1
| Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #0.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 2
| Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #1.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 3
| Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #2.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 4
| Christian Chandler in "McAttack"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #3.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 5
| Christian Chandler in "McAttack part 2"
| Crystal appears to save the day as the W-M Manajerk attacks! ''First appearance of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]], [[W-M Manajerk]]. Last appearance of the [[Ancient Leader of the Cherokee Clan]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 6
| "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"
| Chris gives us an inside look at the Jerkops. ''First appearance of [[ScotPalazzo]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 7
| Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"
| Bagget arrives to attack Chris! ''First appearance of [[Bagget]] and [[Crackder]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode 8
|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target part 2"
| Chris is taken captive, but is rescued by Crystal!
|-
| rowspan="2"|[[File:SchuComic6Cover.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 12
| Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"
| Chris attends Sarah Hammer's wedding, which is spoiled by Wes-Li Sonichu. Chris, with the aid of [[Megan Schroeder]], saves the day. ''First appearance of [[Megagi La Skunk]].'' ''Only appearances of [[William Spicer]] and [[Sailor Megtune]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 13
| "Shattered Hearts & Entrapment"
| Slaweel initiates an attack on CWCville, leading to Crystal getting trapped in the mirror! ''First appearance of [[DJ Jamsta]].''
|-
| rowspan="2"|[[File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 12.5
| "One Lucky Dog"
| Chris's dog, Patti, is transported to CWCville and becomes a anthropomorphic dog with magic powers. ''First appearance of [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Allison Amber]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 14
| "Evil is Afoot!"
| Chris and the Chaotic Combo begin their quest for the Sonichu Balls as Reldnahc makes his appearance. ''First appearance of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].''
|-
| rowspan="3"|[[File:Sonichu Issue 7.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 15
| Sonichu, Magi-Chan and Christian in "Time for a Ball"
| Chris learns the location of one of the [[Sonichu Balls]] and goes to get it. ''Only appearance of [[Sammy]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 16
| C.W.C. and Sonichu in "Time Hogs"
| Chris and Sonichu retrieve a Sonichu Ball, only for Chris to be lost in the [[Time Void]].
|-
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!"
| DJ Jamsta interviews Blanca and Jiggliami. ''First appearance of [[Jiggliami]].'' ''Only appearance of [[Blanca]].''
|-
|rowspan="2"|[[File:Sonichu8.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 17
| "Rage Against the Garbage"
| After sex, Sonichu and Rosechu learn about [[4-cent_garbage.com]] and go to confront Jason Kendrick Howell over his work. They get a Sonichu Ball for their trouble. ''First appearance of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and [[The Incredible Lioness]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 18
| "Spring Break, 2008"
| Silvana makes her move as Jiggliami warns the others of her plans and they get another Sonichu Ball. ''First appearance of [[Zapina]], [[Simonla Rosechu]] and [[Silvana]].'' ''Last appearance of [[Jiggliami]].'' '' Only appearance of [[Yawning Squirtle]].''
|-
|rowspan="2"| [[File:SchuComic9.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 19
| "Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)"
| THRILL to the wonder that is Chris's Dating Education classes! ''First appearance of [[Reginald Sneasel]], [[Layla]] and Rita Jackaras.'' ''Only appearance of Ms. Jackaras.''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 20
| "CWC-Defense"
| The PVCC mount a massive attack on CWCVille! Chris is later pulled out of the Time Void. ''First appearance of [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], [[Power Rangers]].'' ''Only appearance of [[BILLY MAYS]].''
|-
| [[File:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]'''
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 21
| Christian Chandler in "Director Amenities"
| | [[Ego|Chris rains holy hell on all his enemies!]] ''First appearance of [[Clyde Cash]], [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Lovely Weather]], [[Asperchu]], [[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)]], Metal Asperchu, [[Asperpedia Four]] and [[Sandy Rosechu]].'' ''Deaths of Reldnahc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Asperchu, Clyde Cash, Jack Thaddeus, Chaotic Combo (Asperchu), Metal Asperchu, Asperpedia Four, Slaweel the Witch, homosexuality, asexuality, Simonla.''
|-
| rowspan="2"|[[File:Issue 11 Cover.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]'''
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"A Sonichu Christmas"
| [[Christmas]] is coming, and Sonichu, Rosechu and their children faff about the place doing nothing of importance.
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode 22
| [Clip Show Episode]
| Chris has stated that "The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed."
|-
| [[File:Issue 12 Cover.jpg|150px]] '''[[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]'''
|}

==Unfinished and unreleased issues==
These comics are not yet completed by Chris, and most of them were briefly seen in videos during the [[Ivy]] saga. Most of the unreleased comics were obtained by trolls and publicly released.

===Unreleased===
{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Image
! style="background:silver;" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Episode
! style="background:silver;" width=20% | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| rowspan="1"|[[File:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|150px]]
| rowspan="1"|[[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]]
|bgcolor="red" height="10px"|
| Special 1
| Unnamed
| Chris rescues Ivy from the clutches of "Cly". Six pages are known to exist. ''First appearance of [[Ivy]] and [[Clyde Cash]]].''
|-
| rowspan="1"|[[File:IvyWedding.jpg|150px]]
| rowspan="1"|''[[Wedding Comic]]''
|bgcolor="red" height="10px"|
| Special 2
| "Wedding Comic"
| The fail-tastic union of Chris and Ivy. ''Only appearances of Spas the Cat, Canino Houndhowl, Lilith, Rachel, [[Ching Chong]], unnamed priest.''
|-
| rowspan="1"|[[File:SchuComicSP3P5.jpg|150px]]
| rowspan="1"|''[[Giant Penis Comic]]''
|bgcolor="red" height="10px"|
| Special 3
| "Penis Comic"
| The even more fail-tastic honeymoon of Chris and Ivy. ''Last appearances of [[Ivy]] and [[Officer Keino]].''
|-
| rowspan="1"|[[File:SchuComicSP4P3.jpg|150px]]
| rowspan="1"|[[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]]
|bgcolor="red" height="10px"|
| Special 4
| "Gun Comic"
| Chris rescues Kacey from Liquid (though it's unclear why Kacey needs to be rescued if she's in a consensual relationship with Liquid), shoots Liquid in the shins, and then makes out with Kacey. Only special to be fully finished. ''Only appearances of [[Kacey]], Kacey's mom, [[Matthew Devoria]], [[Liquid Chris]].''
|}

Chris has claimed that in total he [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|plans to complete 50 to 100 issues in his life time]].

==Currently==
On 27 May 2010, Chris announced that he was abandoning the CWCipedia to the trolls. On 30 October 2010, Chris claimed that the trolls [[DrainedCreativity|drained his creativity]] and scared him into drawing any more ''Sonichu''. Will another [[Ryan Cash]] surface? *hint hint*

==Adaptations and related work==

*''Sonichu'' Remake
*''Sonichu'' Finale
*[[Audiobooks|''Sonichu'' the Audiobook Saga (TM)]]
*''Sonichu: The Animated Series
*"Sonichu R, a rewrite on ff.net

==External links==

{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu_Comic_Collection CWCipedia comic archive (Episode 20 updates included)]
*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Sonichu TV Tropes article detailing everything wrong with ''Sonichu''] (Page blown to smithereens and locked for bullshit reasons)
*[http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html Video stating that ''Sonichu'' is too bad to be on a series about bad comics.]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Comic]]

For My Sweetest Ivy

2010-12-15T14:45:34Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Fix link

{{quote| You know, '''''MY MOMMY AND I...'''''| Anybody (especially a male) over the age of 5 who calls their mother "mommy" is a very scary individual.}}

{{quote| I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together.|Chris.}}

{{quote| Thank you for giving me another colorful character to see in my nightmares.|'Lauren', WBCN listener and resident of Bostonia.}}

On 1 [[May 2009]], Chris sends a message to [[Ivy]] promising smoothies, ''Gilligan's Island'', ''[[Family Guy]]'', masses of porn-based [[sex]], ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', a romantic walk through the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] and many places with "green and sunlight" for the [[Crass and Champ|hermit crabs]]. On 12 May, this video was discussed on [[Toucher and Rich Segment|the morning show of Boston radio station WBCN]].

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = For My Sweetest Ivy
| image = {{#ev:youtube|nBUzZowEt1E}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 1 May 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Sex}} [[Sex]]
| Saga = {{Ivy}} [[Ivy]] Saga
| Shirt = {{RedShirt2}} Red Stuttgart
| previous = [[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain]]
| next = [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

Hey [[Ivy]]! I'm doing this video for yoooou. Oh, we are gonna have so much ''fun together'' when you and I are together! Hmmm! You know, '''my [[Barbara Chandler|mommy]] and''' I--my, my family and I will come and meet you at the airport. And you know, your choice so--take you to your hotel or, uh, bring you back to...my house, hmmm. I mean, uh, you know, we'd be hanging around so much and sharing so many [[Chris and English|fondful]] memories.

Hmm. And you know, I few--I know a few good places in [[Charlottesville]], you know, I think it's, you know, I'll take you there, we'll get some [[McDonalds|good things to eeeeeat]], and we’ll hang ooouut. We’ll have so much fun. We’ll, uh, [[Rape|have a good time together]], you know. I know a place that serves some great smoothies. Uh, yeah, the cafe, in Charlottesville. Good place. Serves good smoothies! And you know, we can enjoy a movie in the theater, or in--at home, or watch a television rerun. ''[[Family Guy]]''! Heh. ''Family Guy''! Or, uh, [[I Love Lucy]] or I got some—I got the entire series of ''Gilligan's Island'', hmmm. Hoo-hoo! Hmm, and we can make some music together on ''[[Guitar Hero]]''. Hmmm. Well, you can sing, I got a microphone. I'm thinking about getting drums. [''Makes a drum sound'']

Hmmm, yeah. And you know, I will see you in the--I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together. Hmmm, I'll do you so many--I'll—-I’ll do my best to pleasure you and keep you satisfied, my sweetest Ivy, just for you. ''Just for you!'' Hmmm! I know a number of good positions and massages, hmm. Hmmm. And, you know, I know a number, uh, places we could walk around at, you know. We could walk about the mall! We could walk about the [[University of Virginia|UVA]] grounds! Good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight.

Hmm, and wa--we can walk the [[Crass and Champ|hermit crabs]] together, hmm, talkin’ about—somethin’ like, how you might like to--how you might [[Chris and Reality|walk your hermit crabs]], hmmmm. Hmmmm, so, you know, wonderful memories! Wonderful memories! We're gonna have lots of fun. We’re gon--I'll do my best--I'll do my best to keep you entertained, show you a good time, when we're having a good time. And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always. And to get, uh, my friends up I've been talking to uh, between on the Internet, and in real life--my real friends, they can vouch for me on, uh, how good a boy I have been. Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch! [''Pretends to hug her''] Hmmmm. Hmmm, look at me smile, hmm. It's a nice smile. Because I love you, Ivy! I love you so much. I ran out of details. [''Laughs''] I don't know. I guess I'll sing you a song.

[''Sings a variation of [[Wikipedia:Jolly Holiday|"Jolly Holiday"]] from ''[[Mary Poppins]]'', attempting to imitate Dick Van Dyke's cockney accent'']

It's a jolly ‘oliday 
With Ivy 
Ivy makes my heart so light 
When the skies are grey 
And ordinary 
Ivy makes the sun shine bright. 
Oh, happiness is blooming 
All around ‘er 
The daffodils are smiling 
At the doves 
When Ivy holds my hand 
I feel so grand 
My 'eart starts beating 
Like a big brass band! 

[''Mimes waving his hat over his head as he sinks to the floor, with his Playstation controller as the hat'']

It's a jolly holiday with Ivy 
No wonder that it's Ivy that I love. 

You know something else, [[Chris and His Ego|I should have]] uh, thought of--of doing this before, you know, to feel more positive, highlight for anybody who, uh, goes back on information. I should recreate, uh, something for [[MySpace]] or [[Facebook]] with all the positive highlights and all the true details that would not, uh, be, uh, somehow twisted in any erroneous way. I'll work on that. I will work on that. Because it's the honest truth from my head. From my head. I love you so much Ivy. I love you! I love youuu. [''Blows a kiss to the camera''] Talk to you later, [[sweetheart]].

[''Jump cut'']

And also to your [[Keino|father]] the [[jerkops|policeman]], I salute him with my [[Wikipedia:Scout_sign_and_salute#Cub_Scouts.27_two-finger_salute|Cub Scout salute]] that I have favored for so long.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain]]|nextlink=[[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

List of fictional characters guest appearing in Sonichu

2010-12-13T22:31:11Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Amy Rose */ Fix link

[[Image:Bugsbunny.jpg|thumb|Yeah, doc, how dare you use other people's characters without their permission?]]
One of the hallmarks of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' series is its frequent use of guest appearances by fictional characters from other properties. The following is a list of these characters.

Note that this list is '''not''' intended to include any of the following:

* Characters based upon real-life people, such as [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[B-Manajerk]].
* Characters created by people other than Chris but basically intended for the comic, like [[Megagi]] and [[Jiggliami]].
* Fan characters and parodies that Chris has chosen to acknowledge, like [[Simonchu]] and [[Asperchu]].
* Thinly-veiled ripoffs of existing characters, like [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Simonla]], [[G.D.W. Shinabe]]... well, you get the idea.

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Sonic the Hedgehog franchise==

===Sonic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog}}

SEGA mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic (aside from Sonichu). He makes a few appearances in the comic. Most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], after Rosechu gets kidnapped. [[Women's rights|Again]].

Sonic also appears on the cover of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], and may return for the '10 year anniversary', if Chris ever gets round to writing any more comics.

===Amy Rose===
{{main|Amy Rose}}
[[File:Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|200px|thumb|"I had no idea that the [[Metal Gear Solid|Les Enfants Terribles Project]] had gone this far!"]]

[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s love interest. Amy Rose in the [[video games]] is a twelve-year-old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often pursues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation.

That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'', where she singlehandedly defeated the [[Wikipedia:List of Sonic the Hedgehog video game characters#E-100 Alpha (ZERO)|Zero robot]] and in ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure 2|Sonic Adventure 2]]'', where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In ''Sonichu'', however, all her personality is gone and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]. She shows up for a couple of pages in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] where she talks with [[Rosechu]] at [[CWCville Mall]] about meaningless bullshit.

===Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik===
{{main|Doctor Robotnik}}
[[File:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|right|Even Eggman was never this flamboyant.]]
Recurring villain of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, Dr. Eggman has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers: Eggmanland. In ''Sonichu'', however, he shows up to help [[Giovanni]] devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the [[PVCC]]. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching [[Pokémon]], or why he has any kind of grudge against [[Chris and his ego|Chris of all people]] is a mystery that not even [[GodJesus]] could solve.

Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] and the nigh unstoppable [[Wikipedia:E-Series_Robots#E-100_Series|E-Series robots]], as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course [[Wikipedia:Metal Sonic|Metal Sonic]]. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge satellite (as seen in ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]'') that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. In spite of having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle against Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.

===Shadow the Hedgehog===
{{main|Shadow the Hedgehog|Christian & The Hedgehog Boys}}

The Ultimate Life Form created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, this [[stress|angst-filled]] hedgehog is the focal point of a number of Sonic games made in the mid-2000s and is the inspiration of [[Blake]]. Despite not appearing in the comics proper, Shadow DOES make an appearance in an ad for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]' solo album.

===Mighty the Armadillo===

Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Arm'''or'''dillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by ''Sonichu'' readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.

[[File:MightyAndTiara.jpg|thumb|right|Chris has a penchant for characters that no one has heard of.]]

===Tiara Boobowski===

Even more obscure is Tiara. Originally created as a playable character, but later mitigated as an NPC and love interest for Sonic, in the canceled [[Wikipedia:Sonic X-treme|''Sonic X-Treme'']] game for the Sega Genesis, bumped to the Sega 32X, and finally the Sega Saturn before being scrapped outright. She appears alongside Mighty the Armadillo while Chris fantasizes about inserting Sonic characters in R.L Stine novels. He would mention this after lamenting the cancellation in the first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC chat]].

Nearly two years later, Chris created her in [[ModNation Racers]]. It should be noted that Tiara was drawn with orange fur and brown hair in the ''Sonic X-Treme'' concept art, yet Chris depicts her all-pink like [[Amy Rose]].

===Perfect Chaos Monster===
[[Image:Perfect_Chaos.jpg|thumb|right|Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'' vs Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonichu''. Kinda lost his luster, huh?]]

'''Perfect Chaos''', or [[CWC-isms|"Perfect Chaos Monster"]] as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes '''Perfect Chaos''', a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of [[Station Square]]. Sonic defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the ''positive'' energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in the [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of his [[Sonichu (comic)|new comic book series]]. The ''Sonichu'' series begins with a male [[Pikachu]] wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an [[Rainbow|unexplained phenomenon]] which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the ''Sonic Adventure'' game so that Sonic is [[Chris and his ego|little more than an assistant to Chris's original character]]). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of ''Sonichu''.

==Pokémon==

:''See [[Pokémon#Pokémon characters appearing in Sonichu comics]]''

==''Gilligan's Island''==

[[Image:Howells.jpg|thumb|200px|The "S" in "Sonichu" stands for "Subtlety".]]
In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] with a scathing [[parody]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no [[anime]] or ''[[Family Guy]]'' characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found '''Thurston Howell III''' and '''Lovey Howell''', the élitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series ''Gilligan's Island''. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.

Appearing outside the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointless exercise, as Chris had already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his [[Sonichu (website)|website]], [[YouTube]] videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in [[2008]].

==[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]==

For no obvious reason, William Spicer is depicted in [[Sonichu 5]] as the Yu-Gi-Oh! character Jack's Knight. His role is extremely limited, as Chris foresees him being brutally murdered by [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and rushes to avert this tragedy. Jack's Knight proves to be a lumbering moron, unable to save his bride [[Sarah Hammer]] from Wes-Li or do much of anything but wait for Chris to defeat the villain.

==Others==

* A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, '''Bugs Bunny''' appeared briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to scold [[Jimmy Hill]] for his [[Parody|infringement]] upon [[Sonichu]]'s [[Chris and Copyright|copyright]]. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.
* The Skelevision and the Ghost Buggy are borrowed from [[Ghostbusters|Filmation's Ghostbusters]] cartoon for the infamous "[[Family Guy]] skitch" in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. Ghost Buggy in particular has secured his place in Sonichu lore.
* In a nod to the ''[[Futurama]]: Bender's Big Score'' DVD, Bender is seen careening through the [[time void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].
* [[Beavis and Butt-head]] make a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].
* From [[Transformers]], both [[Optimus Prime]] and [[Megatron]] have appeared in the comics to callously murder innocents.
* Sackboy from ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' pops up in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to warn readers not to bootleg his game.
* In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris alludes to his discovery that [[Blanca]] was a [[troll]] by depicting her true form as the titular Troll from the [[Wikipedia:Troll_(film)|1986 movie]].
* After Chris and Ivy's wedding in [[Sonichu Special 1]], a [[My Little Pony]] is used to draw their carriage.
* [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] seemingly appears in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to fulfill a romantic fantasy of Chris's--that is, his fantasy to kiss [[Silvana|a hedgehog with a penis]].

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Lists]][[Category: Characters]][[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]

Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles

2010-12-13T00:03:56Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Cover */ Good links

{{Honest}}

[[Image:CWCAdultChronicles.jpg|thumb|250px|Probably the most unintentionally accurate depiction of how Chris views real adult life.]]
[[Image:AdultChroniclesAd.jpg|thumb|250px|To encourage a developer to pick up the game, Chris made his own ad to decrease production costs.]]
'''''Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles''''' is [[Chris]]'s extremely dumb and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]] game idea where you play Chris trying to fight [[Jerkops]] to find a true [[sweetheart]] and kill [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] as useless, but determined, sidekicks. There is no available information on the genre or mechanics of the game.

Originally, Chris was determined to see Sonichu made into a game, but based on his interactions during [[Miyamoto Saga]] and in ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', Chris seems more determined to make his own game where it's all about him and his failure to adjust to adult life.

The game is currently awaiting development beyond the front cover and the advertisement, both of which in themselves break innumerable copyrights. Please note that while he wants the game published for PS2, [[PS3]], and [[Wii]], it should absolutely never be made for the [[Hex Bawx]].

== Cover ==
In a bold decision in graphic design, the cover depicts Chris having ''already won'' his battle, staring determinedly out at an empty back yard littered with the broken iconography of his enemies. While most games presumably end in the hero overcoming his obstacles, only daring experiments in literary form (such as [[Wikipedia:Awesome Possum|''Awesome Possum Kicks Doctor Machino's Butt'']], which also sucked, but probably not to this extent) actually establish victory before the start button is pressed.

References made on box art:
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]] symbol underneath CWC's foot
*The cracked helmet of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]
*[[Merried Seinor Comic]]'s sword arm from [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|Sub-Episode 4]]
*The [[Jerkhief]]'s delicious wooden badge, referenced on the cover of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]
*The remains of the purple staff containing [[Count Graduon]]
*[[Naitsirhc]]'s blue goggles that he wore before his codpiece-wearing homosexual makeover
*The gray thing with red things stemming from it is the [[Robotnik]] medallion that [[Sonic]] showed [[Sonichu]] in [[Sonichu 1#Episode 5: "Informal Meeting"|Episode 5]]
*Chris's [[Gitar of Fail]] (pointing in the wrong direction compared to the strap across his chest)
*[[Son-Chu|Chris's car]] with a [[Vanity Plate of Fail|Sonichu license plate]].

For a time, the ''Adult Chronicles'' illustration graced a console cover attached to Chris's original [[PS3]]. Chris preserved that cover as a "memento" after [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying the console]], but then transplanted it onto a new (old [[obesity|fat]] model) PS3 that he got with [[Monthly tugboat|your money]] shortly afterwards.

==[[Shigeru Miyamoto]]'s response to the game==
[[Image:ShigerumiyamotoEmail.jpg|650px]]

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:CWConPS3.jpg
Image:CWConPS2.jpg
Image:CWConWii.jpg
Image:CWConHEXBAWX.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IPI7DJE8 Play it! (RPG Maker adaptation)]
{{Sonichu Games}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Armoraxe

2010-12-12T10:52:46Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: /* Original Character */ Possessive vs. contraction

[[Image:ArmoraxeBot.jpg|thumb]]

'''Armoraxe''' is one of Chris's ripped off [[Transformers]], designed after Soundwave of ''Transformers Animated''.

==Original Character==
His vehicle form is that of a minivan, perhaps more specifically a Toyota [[Wikipedia:Scion xB|Scion xB]]. In its robot form, it carries a boombox on its shoulders and wields a guitar. Due to Chris's lack of talent, it is difficult to discern if his face is on the boombox itself or where he has a separate head that is in front of it. Chris describes him as being a "real [[Guitar Hero]]". He apparently attacks by playing his guitar, which can transform into a plasma rifle. According to Chris, "when he Plays That Beat, HE WAILS!!!", whatever the hell that means.

In yet another example out of thousands that show how shitty Chris's comic is, when Chris took down the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] through the power of Rock, Chris showed up in [[Son-Chu]] instead of Armoraxe, and Son-Chu turned into a mobile rock stage. He didn't bring along Armoraxe at all. Armoraxe's entire ''raison d'être'' is that he's a walking talking robotic sound system with a guitar, and the one fucking time he could have been at all useful, Chris chose to Mary Sue his shitwagon.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:ArmoraxeVehicle.jpg
Image:ArmorWave.jpg|We report, you decide...
</gallery>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Chris and tracing]]
*[[Transformers]]

[[Category:Transformers]]

Asperchu/Background

2010-12-12T07:24:22Z

DarkfireTaimatsu: Fixed a spelling (loped->lopped), names of Tohru's companions (not sidekicks, though lesser), filled out the tables for the Chaos Pickles (Issue 7 Page 20, Issue F Page 33)

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|fsKD1-cGzPc}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of rejection, tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic bizzaro [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris on Asperchu, [[Mailbag 24]]}}

{{Protip|The Asperpedia no longer exists— for the latest ''Asperchu'' pages, go to [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ asperchu.thecomicseries.com]}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''Asperchu''''' (full title: ''The Amazing Asperchu''; also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here], its homepage is [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike the Sonichu comics, where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as his paper and pencil drawn pages. The creator of this delightful series sometimes forgets to upload a page or two in chronological order, but this is due to his Asperger syndrome affecting his memory.

''Asperchu'' is currently on hiatus until early [[2011]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing mental blocks of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late 2003 and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on YouTube videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox]] 360 or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends Normandale Community College with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a Love Quest to obtain a gal-pal who he can build into a sweetheart from the ground up. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created Sonichu in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by Bionic the Hedgehog.

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "Rocky", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious MIPS.

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was GodJesus's next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the ego, narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naive]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, He would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

Sonichu shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the Troll Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a late night snuggling rendezvous. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of the state of Virginia, on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of Asperger's Syndrome as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in 1999 by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike Bionic. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over CWCVille, Sonichu was forced to be married off to Rosechu, only for him and the rest of the Chaotic Combo to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the 4-Cent_Garbage Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's heterochromia styling, his cholesterol level skyrocketing and wanting to play the PS3 for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual Sonic the Hedgehog-like character fighting an evil madman named CWC-Botnik.

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include Guido, Nazi Commander, 2Pac and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minsiter.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby_(character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's black best friend who is black. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his Love Quest, although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward gal-pals, while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of Christmas, Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode, as well as two cameos in Isabel Monday's comic ''[[Fan:Capering Berries|Capering Berries]]''.

==Villains==

===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

Ian believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a fat, insane manchild. Ian rules CWCville through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to Mayorshack Tito's takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In 1999, Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by Giovanni, Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his gal-pals Ivy and Megan before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandons Bionic and, 10 weeks later, gives birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, leaves his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandons Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in other stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]).

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; he and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash/Clyde Cash
Dino Dash (called Clyde Cash in later issues) is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure. She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself in the process.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own [[Anchuent]] power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again. The avatars are Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperchu, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Megan and Lovely Weather.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperence
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
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|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
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|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
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|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
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|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with the MIPS discussing Lovely Weather, and Asperchu waking up on the Molvanîan airship.
|}

==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]