CWCki - User contributions [en]

Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned

2023-10-17T09:11:46Z

Dasch5: sounds more like this to me

'''Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned''' is a video uploaded to Chris's YouTube channel on 16 [[October 2023]]. It is notable for being the first upload post-[[Jail Saga]]. In the video's description, Chris links to [[Praetor]]'s online shop [[OfficialCWCmart]], indicating he is still in business with the group.

The video is about 9 minutes long and consists of Chris singing two parodies of songs from the ''[[Pokémon]] 2.B.A. Master'' album in front of a green screen; the first is a spoof of "Double Trouble" loaded with slurred, [[Random-access humor|almost nonsensical]] lyrics, while the second is a parody of "Viridian City" that's now centered around going to [[CWCville]]. Interspersed are brief messages to his viewers in what seems to be an incredibly loose talk show/podcast format. Throughout the video, clips of Chris dancing are overlaid on top of the video. Overall, unlike [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|his previous attempts]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Master Onion A-La Mode|at singing or making music videos]], the production quality is a lot higher, which suggests that other people could have been involved in the video's creation (though in the description, Chris insists that he edited the video himself.)

Despite the improved production quality, the video somehow manages to land among the most baffling and incoherent content Chris has ever produced.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Dug75NnyLPQ}}
| stardate = 16 [[October 2023]]
| subject = {{Music|text}} {{Trollsicon|text}} {{Other|text}}
| Saga = {{Dimensional Merge|text}}, {{Praetor|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| shirt =
| other =
| previous = [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Walmart (September)]]
| next =
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|Glory be to all who are Light Powered, Good, Righteous and Neutrals with ability to be Good. There is only good remaining on this Earth in this Universe and Timeline as we survive and continue onward in Light Powered Glory. The worst of toxic sinners are left behind and gone; now we redeem the remainder of the minority who remain. All is and shall be good with the Ultimate Miracle and the Dimension Merge's completion. Let your auras and chakras be aligned and healed.

This pair of reworded songs are appropriate with the fall of the toxic ones and the rise of the Light Powered and Good.

I have been taught to use more advanced programs for video editing and then some.

Visit the Etsy Store for often updated items we have for sale as well.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/OfficialCWCmart/

Thank you and Bless you all; be safe and well.
Mrs. Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu Prime.

Music used: 
Viridian City - Instrumental 
• Jason Paige & Andre Betts - Viridian ... 
Double Trouble - Instrumental 
• Double Trouble (Team Rocket) Instrume...}}

==Transcript==
[''poorly imitating [[Giovanni]]''] This is the boss, and I'm sick of waiting. Get your crap together, and stop following those twerps.

[''singing to the tune of "Double Trouble"'']

Prepare for stupid, make it lucid

Prepare for stupid, make it lucid

Oh, we'll focus on one mouse

Must we get it, we'll rule the house

[''imitating James''] I'll be the doof

[''imitating Jessie''] I'll cause a fuss

[''imitating Meowth''] I'll be a major ... dumbass

Prepare for stupid, make it lucid

Prepare for stupid, make it lucid

To really devastate the entire world

To divide and segregate everyone

Truth and love don't mean a thing

We really sunk well below

Jess... Jay...

Team Rocket crashing hard into the earth

We'll fight you now and widen our girth

Oh yeah!

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

We'll never get paid for it

Prepare for stupid, make it lucid

Prepare for stupid, make it lucid

We're Team Rocket, and we lose to the SPCA

For what?

I don't know.

Have we ruled the Earth yet?

What's our plan worth, if we're not the man?

We epic fail and land in jail

Then I'll get you out, on Trump's lack of bail

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

We'll never get paid for it

[''creepy laugh'']

We're Team Rocket, and we lose to the SPCA

For what? I don't know

But we rule the earth yet?

What's our plan worth if we're not the man?

We epic fail and land in jail

[''creepy laugh'']

Uh, what's a used plan worth?

I don't know, but it's certainly quite dumb enough

eeeeehhhhhhhh Here they come again guys eehhehhhhh uh? [''blows a raspberry''] Heh!

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stupid is all you're worth

Team Rocket stupidy-stupid stupidy-stupid lucid stupid lucid stupid

Being stu....

LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S CRASHING DOWN AGAIN!

Booomm!

[''Chris stops singing as the song ends'']

Oh I [''cut in the video'']

Yay and merrily to everyone. Welcome to this. That song you just heard; that was-a dedicated to all the lingering and blocked toxic haters, s'fakers, and darkest sinners that came from the 1218 half of our Earth that has been bugging us for the longest of time. And why r'they still lingering? You're not supposed to be doin' that. Come on, get outta the picture already. You're long gone! [''snaps'']

Hm, but anyway yesss. T-the Ultimate Miracle Chaos Control, I ascend and make my return to the internet and all that is good and wellbeing.

I am divined and conneted to everything, and I know, and not know, at the same time. Between the consciousness, the subconsciousness, and the unconsciousness. I know all, I see all, I foreknow all. I've been there, done that, [''snaps''] everything.

So now, with that, we are still admist our dimension merge completion and a moment of futureassed as you shall learn shortly enough, with the events that happened back in late February 2006.

But for now, we are [''clap''] on the road on the road. [''cut in the video'']

[''Singing again, now to the tune of "Viridian City"'']

On the road, on the road, on the road

On the road, on the road, on the road .. on the road

On the road to the city of Cwcville

on the road, on the road

On the road to the city of Cwcville

then.. the city of Cwc..

We're on the road getting stronger

yah... stronger..

We left our home in Vir-gin-yah

uh huh, getting stronger

Well here's the plan, we're gunna head out around the world

[''gasp for air'']

Time to collect and save everyone

Gotta save em' all

We keep on tryin', ehh then we try some more

To get to the place that's worth fighting FOOO-OOR

I'm on the road, I'm on the road

To the city of Cwcville

Meet my friends along the way

On the road, to the city of Cwcville

I've got a badge and the power to ZAP IT UP

[''edited demonic and slow''] To the city of Cwcville

The city of Cwcville

Ya boo a beh, and built a team

And workin' out, fighting all power

That's inside

mm back

In a moment that is yours, and yours and mine

We're gunna run to keep and catch up

And we're the speedy partners, we win the race

We keep on tryin', and then we'll try some more

To get to the place that's worth fighting for!

I'm on the road, to the city of Cwcville

Meet my friends along the way

On the road to the city of Cwcville

I've got a badge and the power

I'm on the road to the city of Cwcville

meet my friends and ehhh...

City of Cwcville

On the road to the city of Cwcville

make friends on the way.. on the way!

[''something crashes in the background'']

On the road to the city of Cwcville

City of Cwcville

On the road to the city of Cwcville

ohh, City of Cwcville

On the road to the city of Cwcville

hmm-mm, City of Cwcville

On the road to the city of Cwcville

hmm, City of Cwcville

On the road to the city of Cwcville

huhuh City of Cwcville

On the road to the city of Cwcville

suh.. City of Cwcville

[''The song finally ends'']

Hahah, perfet. Perf- [''cut off'']

So yeah, I'm back. I'm proud, I'm more motivated, I've got the boundaries set. So, later haters, fakers, y'all gone. We're sticking with good, positivity, light power and [''snaps''] L-Righteousness. Keep on zappin' it up.

Y'all the good ones, the good light powerand righteousness, you all continue to do excellent and very well. I know so, cuz I've got all these crosses on the palms of my hands. And the images- and the etchings of where I have been hung on that cross back in Nazareth many a millenia ago. [''claps'']

[''uncomfortable stare'']

See y'all later. [''snaps'']
}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2023]]
[[Category:Music Videos]]

PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!

2023-10-12T07:37:34Z

Dasch5: bro are you deaf

{{AbsentChris}}

'''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!''' [sic] is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] by [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]] on 4 [[October 2010]]. In it, [[Kim Wilson|Kim]] and another individual discuss [[Chris]]'s [[wikipedia:Spoons sex position|spooning]] habits with his mother, [[Barbara Chandler]]. Kim also describes how Chris once had a wet [[dream]] about Barbara. Chris's dream is described as Barbara being an Egyptian belly dancer.

New attention was brought to the audio during summer [[2021]], not long after Chris was [[Jail Saga|arrested]] for engaging in [[Affair with Mother|incestuous acts with his own mother]]; many Christorians have noted how disturbing this recording is in hindsight.

==Audio==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|GxGU4nSlX0M}}
| Stardate = 4 [[October 2010]]
| Featuring =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
'''Kim:''' [I]t's recording.

'''Troll 1:''' Okay, here we go. Alright.

'''Kim:''' Alright, so, uh... so Chris, being Chris y'know, [[Honest Content|telling the truth all the time]], he's admitted that him and his mother "[[wikipedia:Spoons sex position|spoon]]" on his bed frequently.

'''Troll 1:''' [''mix of audible disgust and nervous laughter'']

'''Troll 2:''' Why?

'''Kim:''' And, uh... Chris has said also that he's had a [[dream]] about [[Barb]]. And, in this dream, Barb is an [[Wikipedia:Raqs sharqi|Egyptian belly dancer]].

'''Troll 2:''' [''audible gasp'']

'''Troll 1:''' [''Laughter''] Oh no.

'''Troll 2:''' Keep going, keep going!

'''Troll 1:''' Okay, go, go.

'''Kim:''' Oh. At one point I had [[Friend zone|friend-zoned]] him, saying y'know, "Chris, we're only friends" and all that, "I would never sleep with you, I would never date you", [[Seinfeld|yadda-yadda-yadda]]. He couldn't accept this so he asked me if, if me and him were the last people on earth, if I would sleep with him to repopulate the earth. [''Skype new message sound''] Of course I said no. And, uh, and so I decided - well "Chris, what if you and your mom were the last people on earth, would you sleep with her?" He got quiet, and then denied that he wouldn't, but whenever Chris pauses when you ask him a question it usually means he's thinking of a lie. [''Long pause''] And that's - that's all I can think of right now.

[''Crosstalk from Troll 1 and 2'']

'''Troll 1:''' Once upon a time, like the first call before he talks about the belly dancer and everyone, and to recite this again for prosperity moment, he said that he dreamed about sex with his mother and nutted the bed.

[''Crosstalk from Kim and Troll 2'']

'''Kim:''' Oh yeah!

'''Troll 2:''' [''audible laughter'']

'''Troll 3:''' I uh, I quit the [[Internet]].

'''Trolls:''' [''audible laughter'']

'''Troll 3:''' I am done [[troll]]ing on [[YouTube]], thank you, you've been a great...

'''Kim:''' [''Interrupts troll 3'']: I mean it ís... I mean it is, it is bad enough when he tells his mom when he's gonna, y'know, go masturbate but, spooning on the bed.

'''Troll 3:''' Spooning.

'''Troll 1:''' [''Doing a Chris impression''] Come and be my [[Ivy]] pillow!

'''Troll 2:''' Who is, who is the little spoon and who is the big spoon?

'''Kim:''' [''audible laughter'']

'''Troll 3:''' Uh, he also tried uh, Y'know, m- more or less try to push the name '[[Kimmi]]'

'''Kim:''' Oh yeah, he went...

'''Troll 3:''' [???] love doll and you said: fuck no! And you wonder where all that rage came from. don't you fucking name me after that doll! Asshole!

'''Kim:''' I mean my real name is Kim, and, he was like, he sent me an E-mail asking if it was okay for him to call me [[Kimmi]], and I was like nooo, definitely not, no.

'''Troll 1:''' [''Doing a Chris impression''] But could I touch my mama's fat belly, Kimmi?

'''Kim:''' [''Giggles'']

'''Troll 2:''' Okay back then there used to be a character that he made, Logan, me, that pretty much countered and made sure that the friend-zone actually stayed. But in order to get more control of Chris we wanted to basically drop him, drop me out of the picture so that way he felt more secure by telling more shit to Kim.

'''Troll 1:''' So basically you did exactly what Ricky and [[Blanca]] did?

'''Troll 2:''' Yes, that's where I pretty much got the whole strategy from... so yeah homage to you guys, right? So that was pretty much what we had to do right there because we wanted to protect Kim being just another fucking GF. Because that, Y'know, that, those were getting pretentious. Okay, you can stop recording, Finny.

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{EmilySaga}}

Autism

2021-08-21T02:25:19Z

Dasch5: don't advertise your own art lol

:''For the song, see [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
[[File:Auti.PNG|center]]

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATScI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|200px|He plays this card a lot.]]

'''Autism''' is the lens through which [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] experiences the world. It is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[Chris and stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Examples of Chris's Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|victimhood]], [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]], and [[Chris and reality|poor grasp on reality]] without understanding his relationship with autism. Chris was diagnosed with the disorder in his early childhood, and it became a cornerstone of his identity and influence how he would act, alongside potentially other undiagnosed psychological or neurological disorders.

==Overview==
{{Protip|There is considerable debate on how to refer to the autism community, with some preferring diagnosis-based language (i.e. "Chris has autism"), adjectives (i.e., "Chris is autistic"), or nouns (i.e., "Chris is an autistic"). Since Chris never appeared to have a preference, the CWCki uses these terms interchangeably.}}

{{w|Autism}} is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulty in communication and social interactions: issues that usually surface in childhood and carry on throughout life if not treated early on. The disorder represents a spectrum of different symptoms, behaviors, intellects, and support needs. Autism can also lead to restrictive and repetitive behaviors, intense passions known as special interests, and unusual fixations or approaches to stimulation. No two people with autism are exactly the same, and many common autism traits can even contradict each other (i.e. no eye contact vs. [[creepy stare|intense eye contact]]).

Autism is traditionally associated with either [[Slow-in-the-minds|intellectual disability]] or [[Honor roll|above-average intelligence]] (or both in the case of savants), but most autistic people carry average intelligence. The autism spectrum historically covered a number of related diagnoses, including [[Asperger's syndrome]], [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|which Chris resents]]. The DSM-5 replaced these diagnoses with a single diagnosis of ''autism spectrum disorder'', divided into three levels based on support needs.

Due to his status as an internet celebrity and lolcow, it goes without saying that Chris has a very unusual case of autism. Since he is arguably the most documented autistic person in modern history, he affects public perceptions of the disorder on the internet.

Chris has built much of his identity around his high-functioning autism. His terror of being associated with severely autistic people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. The angst he has over his unsatisfactory graduation is made manifest in [[Sonichu (comic)|his webcomic]] as [[Count Graduon|one of the work's key villains]].

Chris not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his ego|special significance]], but also feels that his autism is completely different from that of literally every other person in the world who has autism (which, while not ''totally'' wrong, is a gross oversimplification of the disorder's spectral nature). Chris feels he is naturally better than everyone else and often talks down to people who display knowledge or experience of subjects he is unfamiliar with. During his conversation with [[Father_Call|Kacey's father]], Chris downplayed Kacey's knowledge of biology and healthcare despite being proven wrong mere minutes before in a debate over the genetics of autism.<ref>[[Father_call#Kacey's_boobs_and_Internet_fame]]</ref> At the same time, Chris believes he is not responsible for the majority of his mistakes. By being autistic, Chris rationalizes that it is wholly the fault of autism if he [[Twin Falling Towers|makes]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|poor]] [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked_out_of_college|decisions]].<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_20]]</ref>

==Chris's symptoms==
{{protip|Do not use Chris to bash all autistic people, and do not complain about how he gives autism a bad name. He is one person on the autism ''spectrum''. This article mostly deals with Chris's autism.}}
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

A 2004 [[Autism papers|psychiatric evaluation]] confirms that Chris has ''autistic disorder''. Though his original childhood diagnosis papers are [[2014 house fire|presumably lost forever]], Chris was diagnosed by actual specialists, not armchair psychologists.

Nevertheless, many [[trolls]] dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with that of various other autistics. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general, these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what most autistics are like. They are well-aware that the condition is a spectrum.

Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to a certain extent in the context of intellectual learning. Others can learn social skills the old-fashioned way, usually through joining a group and coming out of their shell. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. They may also adopt the alternative approach of "Haters Gonna Hate," surrounding themselves with like-minded people and not giving a fuck about the bullies.

Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies, but also accept them at face value. Sometimes, he even wishes to force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layman might come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular, albeit quite idiotic, guy with a few "eccentricities" and personality flaws, or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris is completely [[slow-in-the-minds|mentally retarded]] or full-blown schizophrenic. Some folks argue that Chris's autism is so mild that it's barely relevant, while others attribute his entire personality to it.

But the truth appears to be in the middle: Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of genuine autism, [[Barbara Chandler|bad parenting]], isolation, and other [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental impairments]].

His symptoms are listed below, coded to match [https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html the official DSM-5 diagnosis:]

===A: Deficits in communication and social interaction===
====1: Social-emotional reciprocity====
Chris struggles with social-emotional reciprocity, the two-way understanding required for successful social interaction.

[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Trolls manipulated Chris into [[Ohio Trip|driving all the way to Ohio]] to save [[Julie|a fake girlfriend]]. Difficulties in discerning the motives and intentions of others is regularly observed among people diagnosed with autism.]]

=====Understanding others' intentions=====
Chris has difficulty gauging others' thoughts, feelings, ideas, and intentions. He doesn't always understand that these might be different than his own, or how to predict these behaviors. In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid Saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

Chris is extremely gullible. While autistics can have problems with social cues such as sarcasm, thus being gullible at times, Chris is much more gullible than other autistics, let alone ones that are high-functioning. This is more due to his [[Naïve|inexperience]]. One need only see his extensive [[List of Chris's sweethearts|list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls (of both sexes) pretending to be female sweethearts, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approached him about making a ''Sonichu'' game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

=====Empathy and sympathy=====
Chris shows very little [[White knight#Chris lacks empathy himself|empathy]] and [[Chris and kindness|concern for others]]. In his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde, his advice after the suicide of Clyde's brother [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

When Chris does attempt empathy, it's only when he already sees himself in the person, no matter how big the stretch is. This habit shows up in Chris's justifications for his votes. He voted for [[Obama]] because he was a victim of discrimination – equating Obama's struggle with racism to his own struggle with autistic persecution. He mainly voted for [[Hillary Clinton]] because she was a woman – which Chris has identified as since 2014. He never looked at either candidate's platforms or voted based on actual issues, just based on who he can "see" himself in.

=====Social awareness and boundaries=====
[[Image:Chris holding sign.jpg|thumb|right|The [[attraction sign]] in action. Struggling with social norms and approaching people is a sign of autism.]]
Chris struggles with social approach. He believed that holding up a literal [[sign]] with his requirements for an eligible sweetheart was a socially acceptable way to meet people. He would [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|pace around]] public places aimlessly, and he has difficulty initiating conversations. He sometimes starts off the convo with botched attempts at pickup lines, and [[random-access humor]]. Nowadays, much of his social approach takes the form of meet-and-greet photo ops at [[conventions]], though he still screws it up.

Chris doesn't understand the concept of boundaries, whether physical or verbal. He kissed people he met seconds ago at [[TooManyGames]]. He was quite handsy with [[Megan]] and [[Emily]], and he buried his face in [[Catherine]]'s breasts. He regularly refers to his [[Mary Lee Walsh|superiors]] by their first name, sometimes even by [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|pet names]] they don't even use. He doesn't seem to understand that different relationships call for different sets of social norms.

Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social dysfunction. Without provocation, he will tell you about his [[heterochromia|pinkeye]], his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], his autism itself, and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he was a virgin.<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris in Person (From THEIR Point of View)]]</ref> He mostly takes interest in himself while talking, only occasionally taking interest in his conversational partner.

All of the above could be explained by Chris's lack of social awareness. One notable instance of this, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|black]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

====2: Nonverbal communication====
[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[File:0419-ChristianIs17-14.jpg|thumb|right|Demonstrating poor eye contact.]]
Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you enjoy Chris appearing in your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]" (though [[Barb]] displays a similar stare). When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish, possibly because he copied it from [[My Little Pony|actual cartoons]]. Also, notice his inconsistent eye contact in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] news interview. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural. His incompetency with emotional display extends to his [[art]] and comics as well. He has a hard time displaying emotion on his characters' faces, and has even added emoticons :) to the speech bubbles to make up for his lack of ability to communicate through his art and writing alone.

Chris also has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13-year-old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them, even though the two don't even have the same skin colour. He didn't realize that [[Emily]] and [[Kim Wilson|Kim]] were the same person, even though their voices and laughs were obviously identical. Chris is inconsistent with his self-portraits and drawings of other people, relying more on color schemes and cosmetics (hair, clothing choices, etc.) than on facial features to distinguish them apart.

[[Image:0485-CWC18th16.jpg|thumb|left|Chris has had very little social interaction since high school. This is one of the few pictures of him with his [[gal pals]], and it only shows him from behind.]]

====3: Interpersonal relationships====
Chris's social dysfunction has caused him trouble with developing and maintaining relationships – platonic or romantic. Many non-autistics have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing.

Chris's earliest friend, [[Sarah Hammer]], was more of a bully than a friend; she locked him in the crawlspace of her house. His high school [[Gal-Pals]] were "hired help": Bob and the principal arranged a deal where they were paid to hang out with Chris. He rarely hung out with them outside school hours, except on his [[My big 18th party|18th birthday]] and at [[prom]].

Chris has had very few friends as an adult. He loses friends regularly, manages to get [[banned]] from his favorite hangouts, and has no contact with any of his beloved high school Gal-Pals. He did have a circle of [[Pokémon League friends|adult friends who played Pokémon with him]], but he lost contact with them once he switched his focus to [[imaginary friends]].

Despite this, Chris's social life was robust in comparison with his love life. Chris is in his late thirties, and he hasn't had a serious romantic relationship or any consensual contact with the opposite sex (aside from a [[Mia Hamm|prostitute]]), or [[bisexual|same sex]] for that matter. His foray into [[Dating profiles|online dating]] was a failure, and every one of his [[sweethearts]] was either [[Megan|just a friend]] or a troll. He viewed his desperate search as a [[Love Quest]] – a saga that began on his 21st birthday, and only ended when he got into a [[polyamorous marriage]] with his OCs.

Chris is also estranged from his family outside his parents. Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] has blocked him on social media. He has little contact with his other half brother [[David Alan Chandler|David]], and knows even less of his half-sister [[Carol Chandler|Carol]].

As with many autistics, Chris does manage to have good relationships with animals, whether [[Patti|real]] or [[Sonichu (species)|fake]]. Animals are more direct and don't have as complex of social rituals as humans. Animals also serve as a "social lubricant" for people on the spectrum. Anyone who knows anything about Temple Grandin can back this up.

===B: Chris's restricted and repetitive behaviors===
To receive an autism diagnosis, the DSM-5 requires restricted and repetitive behaviors [https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html in at least two of the following four categories.] Chris meets all of them; examples are given below:

====1: Movements and speech====
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|Chris refers to the [[Xbox]] as the "HEXbox", showing both his [[brand loyalty]] and vocabulary of made-up words.|250px]]
Chris often exhibits echolalia, which means he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. In some instances, he calls this [[Random-access humor|"humor"]]. He tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. He uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

Autism is also linked to [[speech impediment]]s. Chris has trouble with articulation, and often slurs words together like "[[ED|Essaikapeeia Dramakka Payzh]]" and "[[Chris|Krishnwessonchanler]]". He frequently stutters, clutters his words, and speaks in a higher-pitched register.

Chris's unusual [[mannerisms]] are another sign. He rocks back and forth (dubbed "The Autistic Shuffle"), especially when [[stress]]ed. He uses the same gestures repeatedly, such as his [[stress sigh]], [[The Claw of Fail]], and the infamous [[Dramatic Glasses Removal]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]].

An overlooked but crucial characteristic affecting all of Chris's physical activity is his display of {{w|hypotonia}}, which refers to a distinct lack of muscle tone — in biological terms referring to tension rather than the colloquial use to describe muscle strength (although raw physical strength is also affected by it) — which affects motor skills as well as stamina. Chris is not only very clumsy, he shows abnormally low muscle strength and gets tired quickly even by [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|simply shuffling around for a couple of minutes]] — which cannot be entirely explained by his lack of physical exercise. Whenever Chris is shown sitting, [[Charlottesville Fashion Square#Chris captured on video|he is spread around like a rag doll]], [[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|hanging limply]]—as his muscles cannot support his entire body properly.

[[Image:Please,_Donate_(720p).mp400001.png|thumb|left|250px|Chris has spent the majority of his adult life in his bedroom.]]

====2: Insistence on sameness====
One of the biggest symptoms of autism Chris displays is his fear and resistance to change, well beyond the point that it could be even related to his autism. Chris is reluctant to get or even look for a job as he has only worked [[Chris's resume|four months in his entire life]], has never come close to moving out, has a very hard time selling or giving up his toys or shirts, wouldn't stick to a diet and exercise program, [[Attraction Sign|doesn't try new ways to attract women]], and has a very hard time coping with his banishment from [[the GAMe PLACe]]—where he would usually spend his Fridays. This might be resistance to change of his old lifestyle of just going to school and coming home and playing video games; his proven tendencies to avoid responsibilities and self-improvement show that he is trying to remain a child or simply fears failure of all types.

Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow. In an [[Jackie E-mails 23|exchange of e-mails with Jackie]], Chris responded to her frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by saying she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; while he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

Some autistic people follow rules so strictly that it's bordering OCD. Chris however, has the opposite problem. He lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy, unorganized house,]] makes comics with a very inconsistent plot, wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and disobeys the [[Chris and the Law|law]] when it inconveniences him.

[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Autistics generally have "special interests." These interests can range from familiar subjects popular with most people, to specialised interests and areas of higher study, from elevators to astrophysics, or in Chris's case, Sonic the Hedgehog.]]

====3: Fixations and special interests====
Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, cartoons, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LittleBigPlanet#First Date Level|interests]].

Unnatural relationships with inanimate objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PlayStation 3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistics have difficulty maintaining relationships with people, they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects, though this symptom is seen much more in autistic children.

Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays and middle names that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not talking out of his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[Continuity in the Sonichu comics#Chronology|continuity errors]].

Chris's fixations also manifest as [[brand loyalty]]. Chris has been loyal to Nintendo, Sega and Sony, to the exclusion of [[HEXbox|Microsoft]]. He's loyal to [[McDonald's]] and dislikes [[Burger King]]. He felt that [[Harry Potter]] was a threat to [[Pokemon]]. His brand loyalty went beyond simple preferences and extended to actual obsessions and hatreds. He'd hype up [[Axe]] and [[Walmart]] in videos. He'd blindly trust advertisements and even include ads of his own in his comics.

Chris's [[transgender]] identity is yet another fixation. According to psychologist Ken Zucker, trans folks are more likely to be autistic than the general population. The link is caused by, among other traits, autistics' tendency to fixate on issues (in this case, gender). Many autistic males (including Chris) also have qualities that can be considered "girly", such as passiveness. Since they have less social awareness, they may behave in ways that can be considered atypical for either sex and display less regard for gender roles. Chris and many other autistics perceive their quirks as being "female in a male body" or vice versa, and assume that they will fit in better as their desired sex.

His fixation showed itself strongly when Sega changed [[Sonic]]'s arms from tan to [[Sonic Boom protests|blue]]. Chris launched a crusade that ended with him [[26 December 2014|macing an innocent GameStop employee]]; a criminal offense launched entirely by a minor change to a fictional character who happens to be Chris's icon.

====4: Sensory processing====
Autism affects how the brain interprets the senses. Chris is often either hypo- or hypersensitive to sensory stimulation. Chris often wears his accessories and medallions over top his clothing to avoid skin contact with metals and plastics. This is evident in the way in which Chris wears his watch over the cuff of his sleeve and wraps his medallion through the collar of his shirt.<ref>[[:File:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg]]</ref> Most obvious however is his [[Fashion#Wrist_warmer|wrist warmer]] which he places on the chain of his medallion. Chris has stated that "[...] it is a part of my necklace; it's a "Wilson" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there."<ref>Email from Chris posted in old PVCC thread 162</ref> Loud sounds also bother Chris. He was prohibited from attending pep rallies in high school,<ref>[[August 2013 Facebook Posts#Actual friendships]]</ref> and has expressed hesitation about visiting bars because of the noise.

Sensory dysfunction isn't limited to the five external senses – it extends to internal, "hidden senses" such as balance, body position, [[Obesity|hunger]], thirst, [[biological clock|time]], [[pickles|gag reflex]], and internal body pressure (such as when one has to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|use the facilities]]).

==Severity of Chris's autism==
{{quote|He may be high functioning (which I actually doubt -- who would want to admit to thousands of strangers that they are actually severely challenged??), but that does not mean he can function like a non-mentally challenged person.|rae12, Cracked.com<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20150503081114/http://www.cracked.com/funny-3956-chris-chan/</ref>}}

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; for a general idea, this crude scale could have levels of high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as; the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, having near-normal comprehension, demonstrating fluent speech, and possessing average or above-average intellect. This presents Christian with an easy scapegoat and alibi: he cannot be blamed for his own failures because he has autism, but he does not accept treatment or advice for his "medium" or "low" level autistic traits because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Chris will be quick to tell you about it, though.]]

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the {{w|DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR}} or the {{w|ICD-10}}. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[List of Chris's lies|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, it's clear that Chris is far from normally-functioning. Only an [[Autism papers|updated]] [[28 October 2011#Arraignment, plea bargain, and sentencing|psychological profile]] would really provide insight into the complex and controversial mixture of autism and mental illness that is present within Christian.

The newer {{w|DSM-5}} ''does'' distinguish different levels of severity based on the amount of support needed, but the new term is "Autism Spectrum Disorder [[Vidya|Level 1]]", not "High-Functioning Autism". Additionally, the autism community detests functioning labels since they oversimplify the spectrum as a one-dimensional scale. When describing whether or not someone can speak, the community prefers "verbal" and "nonverbal" instead of "high/low functioning."

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also described them with extremely cruel and derisive terms, calling them "WINDOWS TO HELL" and compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> The irony of his resentment toward "low-functioning" autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-Nazi he is.<ref>[[Asperger syndrome]]</ref>

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.<ref>[[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_Chan_on_sticking_things_up_b.2A.2A.2Ahole.|Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] well into his thirties, has never had a real girlfriend or held a steady job, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|soils his pants]] on a semi-regular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Still, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk, drive, write and draw, [[Speech impediment|even if]] [[Chris and art|he's not]] [[Son-Chu#Distracted driving|the best]] [[Chris and writing|at these things]]. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as Elon Musk, Temple Grandin, and [[Pokémon|Satoshi Tajiri]], amongst many others, yet he has failed to do anything significant with his adult life – hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are, for the most part (this is further elaborated on below), his own fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID.|[[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]], telling Chris something he'll flat out ignore.}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After crying for hours, he emerged from the room unable to talk; as Chris himself puts it, "[[Chris and religion|God]] put the mute button on me".<ref>[[Song of Christian#The actual poem]]</ref> (This implies that Chris could talk before this incident, which directly contradicts Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven.) Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>{{w|Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Characteristics of autism}}</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far more likely that Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development, even a random babysitter. Notably, Chris has diverged from this story before, having claimed at least once that he was intentionally "injected" with autism by doctors when he was a child as if that were even possible. Nevertheless, it speaks volumes on the [[List of Chris's lies|veracity]] of the former account if he can't even keep his story straight, not to mention that Chris probably [[Naïve|has little idea on the causes of autism]] anyway.

As for how Chris ''actually'' became autistic, studies have shown that there is a [http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20100208/autism-risk-rises-with-mothers-age positive correlation between the age of the mother and the risk of autism]. Given that [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] was 40 years old when she gave birth to Chris, this is a likely explanation.

It is also worth noting that [[Bob]] was an engineer, and studies have found higher autism rates among children of engineers (and other technical occupations).<ref>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4093805/</ref> Bob's granddaughter [[Savannah]] is also autistic.

It is currently unclear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic", although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six". However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six".) By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning", but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven – that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==
Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he threw a temper tantrum so big it forced the faculty to physically restrain him while refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

Chris frequently brings up that the reason people used to [[Kick the Autistic|be cruel to him]] in his childhood was because "they did not understand Autism". In the [[1980s]]. When autism had been known for around 40 years. When asked about why they did not understand, Chris delivers his canned response of "I do not know".

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g. throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is [[Chris and hypocrisy|perfectly justified]], but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the Universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]".

Chris's tactful and sensitive comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to "{{w|Missing white woman syndrome|Missing White Woman Syndrome}}", and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) [[Chris and his Ego|he's a brave little boy for living with it]]. His song "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]" sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal human beings and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.
[[File:Mii.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's personification of autism for beating up in Super Smash Bros.]]
Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex may be too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert. His tone-deafness for singing is fairly unusual for an autistic individual as well – autistic people tend to have stronger pitch perception, and they are more likely to have perfect pitch than the general population.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|he is a prevalent figure in the autistic community.]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he stated that our society is spending so much time on the Internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with little to no social contact shouldn't attempt social commentary. That, and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. In [[November 2010]], he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

Chris's failure to understand the symptoms of autism may well explain some of his odd behaviors. Due to lack of social activity and poor theory of mind, Chris doesn't seem to realize that his behaviors are what they are, as best demonstrated by his belief that [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|it is normal for an adult to shit themselves]]. Chris does not recognize the differences between himself and others, and this applies to the differences between himself and neurotypicals - and, seeing no differences, he believes his autism to have been thoroughly conquered, even while embodying every single trait of it.

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref> Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived.

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009, he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered with Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's [sic] optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed {{w|MMR vaccine controversy|urban myth}} alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In a [[Some Favored Comedians|video]] in 2010 Chris said the Internet made people autistic, likely confusing the hyperbolic claim often made jokingly to that effect with fact. Ironically Chris's excessive use of the Internet in place of human interaction has probably done more to exacerbate his symptoms than almost anything else.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. In fact, Asperger syndrome was eliminated and replaced with "autism spectrum disorder, level 1" in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up — in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a more favorable (exactly what that means depends on whether Chris is looking for pity or adulation at the time) tier of the spectrum.

===Chris on Neurotypicality===



Chris also has little understanding of the concept of neurotypicality, the state of lacking any kind of autistic traits. Some people on the autism spectrum, especially those with [[Aspergers]], are deemed to be of above-average intelligence or possess a special talent in another field like music or art. Chris has taken that to mean that he himself must also be in that same group of autistics, where he is much smarter than the average person. This is especially prevalent during the Dimensional Merge era, where he refers to non-believers as "neurotypically hindered".

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. He had special education classes in addition to his mainstreaming - [[coping]] skills classes during both middle and high school.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem and doing nothing to help it) is the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claimed during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seemed to have regained his autism and was back to blaming it for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. However, [[November 2009]] saw Chris again claiming to have been miraculously cured, as stated at the end of part 2 of his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations, where he described himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''". A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris again backpedaled; in response to ED's claim he was "suffering" from autism, he [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|agreed]] that "''I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails, he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend), he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

In June of 2016, he [[Announcement_06292016#Video_2|claimed to have cured his autism]] using [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]. He stated that the track made him think clearer and [[Chris and socialization|interact better with others]]. However, he has shown no improvement in the quality of his recent videos, and he would continue to make autism-related content in the future.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics," you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so the reality is that he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics "windows into hell"<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> and regards them with [[Chris and hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]] when in reality many much lower functioning autistics lead far more independent and fulfilling lives than he does. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (ironically, many feel this way about Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even by [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can, therefore, be speculated that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem as unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, with some even going as far as [[A-Logging|wishing he'd fuck off and die]] and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel;" that is to say, it scares them to think they're like him. [[Chris and hypocrisy|For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window into hell".]]

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://web.archive.org/web/20110915021308/http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://web.archive.org/web/20110915021331/http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

The [https://web.archive.org/web/20180626224122/https://autism.wikia.com/wiki/Christian_Chandler Autism Wiki] called Chris an enemy of the Autism Community until the article was removed on 4 March 2019.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

== References ==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20180626224122/https://autism.wikia.com/wiki/Christian_Chandler Christian Chandler on the Autism Wiki]
{{Health}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Template:Da update

2021-08-06T15:22:56Z

Dasch5: The Editor is a Slow-In-the-Mind.

<center>[[Image:CWCki News.png|320px]] It is currently [[{{#time:F Y}}]].</center>
<center>''Chris is now [[Chris and the law|in jail]] for alleged [[incest]]. His next court hearing is to be '''16 September 2021'''.''</center>

*'''5 August''' - Chris is [https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/arraignment arraigned] at Greene County Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. During '''[https://archive.md/xj5Nx the hearing]''', he demands to be allowed back home to collect his toys, and is held without [https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/bail bail].
*'''3 August''' - The license plates for Chris's car, the '''[[Son-Chu]]''', [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVOsqOJ1E5U were stolen].
*'''2 August''' - '''[[Patreon]]''' officially shuts down Chris's page following the allegations exposed in the past week.
*'''1 August''' - Police detain [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] on charges of '''[[incest]]'''. His arrest is caught on camera by livestreamers, while Chris insists that the [[Dimensional Merge]] is still happening.
*'''31 July''' - [[Null]] announces a refund to donors of the '''[[Help send Chris-Chan to Everfree NW|GoFundMe]]''' that was intended to fund Chris's trip to [[Everfree Northwest]]. Later, Null cuts ties with Chris and notifies the police, following '''[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-chan-incest-leak-chris-has-been-removed-from-14-branchland-court.96559/post-9580110 a conversation between them]''' in which Null finds that Chris lied to him about his financial situation and that Chris has taken money from his mother's bank account in a potential violation of the protective order. Null also leaks '''[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris vaguely describes his relationship|a chatlog]]''' from 5 July in which Chris had vaguely and misleadingly described sex with his mother as if he was simply in a relationship with an older woman.
*'''30 July''' - A [[welfare check]] is conducted over the '''[[incest]]''' allegations. An emergency protective order is issued forbidding Chris from contacting his mother and from being at [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler house]] until 5 August. In the wake of the scandal, Chris trends on Twitter, and [[Everfree Northwest]] bans him from attending its upcoming convention.
*'''29 July''' - Audio leaks of Chris allegedly '''[[Incest|admitting to having sexual intercourse with his mother]]''' since 27 June 2021.

<center>''Only significant events are listed. For all current updates, visit [https://kiwifarms.net/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ Kiwi Farms].''</center>

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added; '''no more than seven entries''' should appear in the list at any time. If a full calendar month passes after an entry is listed (eg it is 1 April and there is an entry from 28 February still up), it should be removed, even if the list then has fewer than seven items.

To add new updates to the list, simply edit this template, and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Please also link to a source, and set it in '''boldface''', so viewers can know where to read further. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]]. Try to phrase things differently instead of always beginning entries with ''Chris does X''; it can get monotonous. Remove items when they are about a month in the past. Document the next milestone in Chris's legal proceedings (or when he is to be released from prison, should it come to this) in place of an Ongoing event.}}[[Category:Front page templates]] </noinclude>

Shout out to Fans in Hospital

2021-08-06T14:40:55Z

Dasch5: Your stupid video is broken.

[[Image:DylanAndErick.JPG|thumb|Now where have we seen these guys before...]]
"'''Shout out to Fans in Hospital'''" (officially "'''12242009 - Shout out to Fans in Hospital..MOV'''") is a video uploaded on 24 [[December 2009]] where [[Chris]] gives a shout out to {{w|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold}} who, in 1999, perpetrated one of America's deadliest school shootings at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado.

Chris was a 17-year-old junior in high school in 1999 and the shootings received in-depth national and international coverage. Also, the event's tenth anniversary was widely commemorated in the national news a few months before Chris made this video.<ref>[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30092644/ns/us_news-columbine_10_years_later Columbine: 10 Years Later]</ref>

This video was recorded in [[Chris's kitchen]] at the family computer.
{{clear}}
==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Shout out to Fans in Hospital
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IqwsobaDJ8I}}
| stardate = 24 [[December 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|[[CWCipedia]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{RedYellowStripeShirt|text}}
| location = [[Chris's kitchen|La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]
| previous = [[A Sonichu Day]]
| next = [[Kill De Jack]]
}}
{{quote|You'll pull through. It's just a small assinent.}}

=== Transcript ===
Greeting, my [[fans]] [''flashes [[Amnyfest Ring|ring of fail]]'']. Not really a [[Captain's Log]], but more of a shout-out. I just received a, uhh, [[Mailbag 23#High functioning murderers|message in the mailbag]], and I feel like it's appropriate. Ya know, a couple of [[Sonichu]]—couple of [[Chris and his Ego|my]] fans, uh, wanted to go to a high school in New Mexico—by the names of Dylan and Eric. They just recently have been in a terrible car accident, and they are in the hospital right now. So listen to them, Dylan an—Dylan and Eric—Dylan—Eric, [''gives a thumbs up''] stay strong. You'll pull through. It's just a small [[Speech impediment|assinent]]. [''takes [[glasses]] off''] You'll be okay.

Hey, stick around. You got a lot—you got a lot—a lot to look—to look forward to. And plus your family and your friends need you. [''dramatically puts glasses back on'']

Anyway, I appreciate y'alls, uh, [''TV says, "Are you going to kill someone tonight?''] patronating everything. And I saw—wish to... everyone... and Dylan and Eric... a merry [[Christmas]]... [''gives a peace sign barely visible to the camera''] and happy ha—and happy [[Christmas#Hanukkah/Chanukkah|Hanukkah/Chanukkah]]—all the other holidays to everybody of [[Christmas#Other confessions|other religions]].

[''quick wave and brief pause'']

Okay, alright. Everybody take care, and Dylan and Eric... [''shows fist with the Amnyfest Ring in an aggressive gesture''] Ho-get well soon.

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Sonichu Day]]|nextlink=[[Kill De Jack]]|}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, December 2009| 2009-12-24]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2009-12-24]]
[[Category:Kitchen videos| 2009-12-24]]

Mumble 5

2021-08-01T17:37:08Z

Dasch5: If this nginxs again i will be mad

'''Mumble 5''' is the fifth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]], held in [[February 2009]].

Length: '''26:09'''

==Summary==
*[[Clyde]] confronts [[Chris]] as he prepares to chat with [[Julie]].
*Clyde asks him about whether he can truly support a family.
*Chris believes he can support a family by "tucking away a hundred dollars every month."
*Chris will get a job if he needs to, but lies about trying to find one using his [[CADD]] degree.
*[[CADD Chef]] among others is a villain because they made him feel inferior in real life.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Mumble 5
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|c94ECypOUO0}}
| Stardate = [[February 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Julie]], [[Clyde]],
}} </center>
==Transcript==
'''Julie''': Hello. 
'''Chris''': Hey, Julie. 
'''Julie''': I'll be right back, I have to turn the television down. 
'''Chris''': OK. 
''[extremely long pause]'' 
'''Julie:''' I'm back. Hello, Chris. 
'''Julie:''' Chris, are you there? Hello? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' You got my email, right? You got it, right? 
'''Chris:''' Clyde, what are you doing here? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Did you get the email? 
'''Chris:''' What? 
'''Clyde Cash''': The email... I sent. 
'''Chris''': Oh, uh I haven't been- you sent me an email. Uhh, ok I haven't been able to get into me email, lately, it's uh, eh, kinda a bit funky. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Well, I'll read it out, but before I say so, I've had a long talk with Vivian, and she's right, I'm going way too far out of line. I'm not gonna harm anyone anymore for the rest of my goddamn life. 
'''Chris:''' Well that's good to hear. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Unfortunately, she agrees that... 
'''Julie:''' ''[overlaps]'' What is Clyde doing here? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' ...I can not let you, I can not let you meet any woman, ever, until you get your life together. 
'''Julie:''' What's Clyde doing here? He's not supposed to be here- 
'''Clyde Cash:''' His life is miserable. Look at at, Julie. A man who... [''Chris sighs''] tell me, what have you done today? What have you done of merit today? Go- go through your daily routine. 
'''Chris:''' I made contact- 
'''Julie''': He's a good person, he doesn't need to... 
'''Chris:''' I made contact with Julie and expressed my love for her. A little bit more. 
'''Julie''': Yes, it was rather nice. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Something productive. What have you done with your [[Sonichu]] to, you know, whatever potential financial gain you can get from it? 
'''Chris:''' For your information I have received a call from an associate of [[Nintendo]], that's willing to bring it up to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Mr. Miyamoto]] again. Hopefully it'll be restarted. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Tell me- 
'''Julie''': Chris, that's awesome. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And tell me, how long will this take? 
'''Chris''': Hmm. Depends. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I mean... y- 
'''Chris''': I have to he- wait for them to call me back. Them to call me back. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I mean, it could take months. I mean it's taking me months til anything starts and till then, you gotta find yourself a way of financial security. Besides, aren't you gonna have to make a trip anyway? You've got to have to save up money somehow. 
'''Chris''': Myeah. I'm gonna save up money for a month. 
'''Clyde Cash''': How are you gonna save money? I mean [[Monthly tugboat|$800 a month]]... really? 
'''Chris''': Yeah... it'll be a while sure, but I will have it saved up. 
'''Clyde Cash''': But don't you got bills to pay? After bills, how much do you have left? 
'''Chris''': I don't need to tell you my financial situation. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' I think Julie would like to know. Right? 
'''Julie:''' Clyde, stop it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah Clyde, leave us alone. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I'm not doing anything harmful, I'm just asking how you're going to save money up for a future family. I mean if you cannot even do that... then, there's... there's no way your family will be a success. She will divorce you quicker than... I dunno. I dunno. 
'''Chris''': I'm working on [''Julie chimes in, inaudible, along the lines of never divorcing Chris.''] controlling my [[Chris and money|compulsive spending]]. 
'''Clyde Cash''': It's not just controlling your spending. You can do that easily. The thing is you need more than $800 a month. Way more to support a family. 
'''Chris''': Maybe so, but at least I'll have some money tucked away before I start that family up. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And how much do you have tucked away right now? 
'''Chris''': (Smug) I have about 100 bucks tucked away right now. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' ''[laughs]'' Chris... $100 might last you a week. 
'''Chris''': Shows what you know. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ok. In an average week how much do you think you'll spend on food for let's say, two adults and uh, well you're not going to have a child that fast, so just, let's go with two adults. 
'''Chris''': Hmm. I'm sorry could you repeat the question? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' How much do you think it would cost to feed two adults, let's say you and Julie, for a week? 
'''Chris''': I'd say probably about... right about somewhere between twenty to fifty. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Alright, let's just say thirty to average that out. You got seventy bucks left that week. Now, let's see: you got bills to pay. Hmm... And that's obviously got to be like... what kind of bills you got? TV, you got Internet, I mean, Julie, what other amenities do you need? 
'''Chris''': She doesn't have to answer you. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I'm- My God. It's simple. You got TV, you got your car payments, car insurance, you got your Internet, you got utilities, it's all gonna add up. $100 is not going to last a month. 
'''Chris''': I tucked a hundred aside and uh, a hundred a month and I'll have enough money saved up. Over that time. 
'''Clyde Cash''': The thing is what happens when you run out? 
'''Chris''': Then I'll save up some more. 
'''Clyde Cash''': No, that takes time. Ahh... I mean, oh my God. How much money do you think it costs to raise a family for a year? 
'''Chris''': I'll bet that might seem to run into the thousands. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And if you save $100 a month... you'd barely get $1,000. 
'''Chris''': Well if I have to, I can and will get a job. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And again, I looked over your [[CADD|files]]. Why do you think you got an F on that? 
'''Chris''': I did not get an F on that. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ohh, oh, what'd you get then? 
'''Chris''': I got... an A+. It took me weeks to months. A whole lot of thought. It's that big grand [[CWCville Shopping Center|shopping mall]] with the mayor's office on the other floor. 
'''Clyde Cash''': But you got an F in the comics, I thought that's what you got. 
'''Chris''': Well, you misunderstood. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Well, how did I misunderstand? I mean, it says, "I have Grade F destruction," that definitely implies Grade F. 
'''Chris''': It was on previous projects before that one. One or two. 
'''Clyde Cash''': But then why'd you have to villainize him? I mean everyone gets failing grades, you don't have to have some... 
'''Chris''': Because he talked down to me, he made me feel inferior. 
'''Clyde Cash''': My God. I mean, you didn't even utilize the 3D aspect of [[Wikipedia:AutoCAD|''AutoCAD'']], did you? 
'''Chris''': 3D aspect of? 
'''Clyde Cash''': You know, you got your Y plane, your X plane and your Z plane. You have a X and Y plane. You never used a Z plane. 
'''Chris''': I do use the Z plane. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I didn't see that in that project. 
'''Chris''': ''[condescending]'' Well, did you have a CADD program in your computer? 
'''Clyde Cash''': Yes! I have the official one from ''AutoCAD''. 
'''Chris''': I see. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Lemme tell you, did you even bother to look for a job utilizing that degree? 
'''Chris''': I have. And it's a bit... on a shortage right now. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Did you even go in for an interview? 
'''Chris''': I have gone in for interviews, yes. 
'''Clyde Cash''': With what companies? 
'''Chris''': ''[long pause]'' Look, there's so much [[stress]] right now, I've got a headache. It's hard for me to think of specific names at the moment. 
'''Clyde Cash''': So you're lying to me, is that what you're saying? 
'''Chris''': I am not- I am not lying to you. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Julie, listen to that. He can't even name one company he's tried to work for. Tell me, do you think a man could financially support you like that? 
'''Julie''': Uh, yes [''Chris says "leave it-"'']. It's possible. He can do it. 
'''Chris''': [''Clyde, inaudible''] Yes, I can. 
'''Clyde Cash''': This is American dollars we're talking about, the conversion rate is so much different. 
'''Julie''': I don't care, you can do anything. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ok, well you're a little delusional. In [[America]] we've got a bad economic spin right now. A really bad one. 
'''Julie''': I understand that. 
'''Chris''': Me too. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' No you don't, Chris. You don't listen to the bad news. You said it yourself. You don't listen to the bad news. 
'''Chris''': ''[overlaps]'' I do too. I had to listen to it from my [[Bob Chandler|father]] every day, when I'm trapped with him in the car, or when I'm downstairs with him. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ok, wait, why are you going with your father in the car? For what? 
'''Chris''': Sometimes I go out-go out when him when he goes on trips, he goes downtown for- to run an errand. And sometimes I'll even go out with him for his morning cup of coffee. And than I get a [[Coffee Place|cup of coffee]] as well. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Okay. Tell me. Tell me why we've got an economic crisis. 
'''Chris''': ''[long pause]''One reason? The high gas prices being raised by [[Wikipedia:Arabian people|the A-Rabs]]. They gettin' greedy. And the low amount of available jobs being made. A lot of people are getting fired, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't think of at the moment, because I'll admit sometimes my memory fails me. 
'''Clyde Cash''': What the hell kind of answer was that? 
'''Chris''': It's an HONEST one. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Is it the truth? Have you even looked it up? Do you understand what a bank does? 
'''Chris''': Bank. Keeps your- it does- they- you store your money in the bank. Eventually it increases with interest, and you can spend some out of it and you can put some more in it. 
'''Clyde Cash''': How to banks make- how do banks raise the money to give people interest? How do they do that? 
'''Chris''': Okay, I'll admit you got me there. I don't know. 
'''Clyde Cash''': That is the reason why we have a terrible economic meltdown right now. Because banks are giving out loans that people cannot pay off. And now it's all come tumbling down. A bunch of corruption, a bunch of terrible loans, and a president who didn't know what to do. You're telling me you're financially prepared to take on a [[Lovely Weather|future wife]]? 
'''Chris''': I didn't- I... I did not say that I- 
'''Clyde Cash:''' I'm doing this for the good of Julie. Do you understand what I'm asking you? This isn't hatred against you or anything. I'm trying to make you a better person. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, listen. I may or may not be financially prepared at the moment, but I know that I am emotionally prepared. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Look, I wanna tell you the story of my government teacher. He had it all. He was completely prepared to marry his sweetheart. But you know what he didn't have? Money. He was trapped with student loans and college and he could barely pay off everything in his apartment. He's eighty and he hasn't- and he's never heard from her since. Now, I don't want you to grow up to be a lonely old man, but... you don't have the money. Julie's gonna leave you. Julie is going to leave you. And I know this. 
'''Julie''': No I'm not. 
'''Chris:''' I have faith in Julie. She has faith in me. 
'''Clyde Cash''': As I said, faith means nothing. As I said last time, if you end up homeless, it's over. She's going to leave you. 
'''Julie''': No I won't. I would never do that. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Julie. 
'''Julie''': What? 
'''Clyde Cash''': You know, you seem to be trapped in a fantasy world of romance where you think things will work out in the end. Let me tell you something. It doesn't. It doesn't work out in the end. 
'''Julie''': Yes, it's true. It will. 
'''Clyde Cash''': It doesn't. 
'''Julie''': Isn't that right Chris? 
'''Clyde Cash''': ''[overlaps]'' I'm just giving you stories, my own stories, my own personal tales of loss. And things do not work out like you see in the movies. You have to agree with me on this. The divorce rate in America is 50%. Fifty God-damn percent. 
'''Chris''': Maybe so, but the other 50% are still happ- are still happily married. 
'''Clyde Cash''': You don't know if they're happy. They could be in it for the tax. Tax breaks, and what not. They might not- they could be separated. My parents were for quite a long time, and than they got divorced, and then they died. It's a sad tale. You gotta understand. 
'''Chris''': Look. Yeah. I'm hear- I-I- I'm understanding where you're coming from. But you do not need to reflect your own bad times among other people. 
''[Voices overlap]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': What about your parents Chris? What about your parents? 
'''Chris''': Oh, let me ask- let me tell you something. I talked to my mother. They never got drunk before they had me. They planned me. They met in [[1979]], they married in [[1980]], I was born in [[1982]]. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I trust the word of [[Cole Smithey|your brother]] more than the word of your parents. Because [[Barbara Chandler|your mother]]'s been lying to [[Cole]] for quite a long time. Did he ever find out who his real father was? 
'''Chris''': Yes. He did. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Really. I should ask him, I should ask him. 
''[Voices overlap, Chris says "And he'll tell you that-", Clyde inaudible]'' 
'''Chris''': I'm sorry, go ahead. 
'''Clyde Cash''': No, you go. You go. 
'''Chris''': Anyway, you'll find an answer the same thing from him that his fa- that his blood father was a drunk. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And, uhh, but what about your mother? Didn't she divorce? Or your father? 
'''Chris''': I'm sorry could you repeat that? 
'''Clyde Cash''': Didn't your mother and father, go through various, y'know, marriages as well? 
'''Chris''': Yes, my mother has been through a few different marriages, and my father has only been through one marriage before they met. 
'''Clyde Cash''': You see, fifty percent is definitely not a lie. And Julie- you and Julie... could end up the same way. It's what I'm saying. I'm TRYING for the best. I'm TRYING to help you. Julie, both of you have problems that need actual help. 
'''Chris''': You could use some of your own help as well. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' I don't, okay? I'm not actually looking for a marriage, if Sarah comes back, that's fine. I'm prepared. But Chris, you are not prepared at all. 
'''Chris''': I'm more prepared than you'll ever... be able to imagine. 
'''Clyde Cash''': We just went over your finances, you have a hundred dollars saved up. That's not gonna get you anywhere. 
'''Chris''': I may not be financially prepared at the moment, but I am emotionally prepared right now. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Again, emotions mean nothing when you're homeless and out on the street. I'm repeating myself. I'm a parrot, and I want a cracker. 
'''Chris''': ''[Squawks loudly]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': That was unnecessary. 
'''Chris''': Well you called yourself a parrot, so I squawked. ''[squawks twice]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': Look, you don't have to do that. Stop derailing this conversation. 
'''Chris''': Excuse me. ''[rustling sounds]'' ''[presumably somebody calling for him]'' Coming! 
''[Short pause]'' 
'''Julie:''' Oh, gosh darn it! My penis got stuck in my throat! 
''[Pause, with Clyde singing [[Metal Gear Solid|Way to Fall]] and Julie talking about big fat wangs]'' 
'''Julie:''' Clyde, you should leave now before Chris comes back and gets mad at you. You're just making him [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|angrier]] and [[Chris Loses It|angrier]]. 
'''Clyde Cash''': You better watch your mouth. Isn't your parental guardian, or guardian will take you away from your precious, precious Internets. Stay silent. [[Metal Gear Solid|Brother]]... ''[Starts singing again]'' 
''[very long pause]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': My sole goal now is justice, it's all I ever wanted. 
''[The sound of a TV in the background]'' 
'''Julie:''' Chris? 
'''Clyde Cash''': It's the curse. The parental curse. ''[creepy sigh]'' The truth behind your crutch. [[Metal Gear Solid|This is good, isn't it...?]] 
''[Clyde mumbles more]'' 
'''Chris''': ''[sighs]'' All right, my mom wants me to go out and get her some bread, some orange juice, and [[Speech Impediment|a sss- and a- a tuna fish, and]] a tuna sub from [[wikipedia:Sheetz|Sheetz]].'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': It's awfully late for tha- 
'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' ''Sheetz is open 24 hours.'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': That's nice. Okay. I can't believe you said- 
'''Chris:''' ''[overlaps]'' Uhh, Julie, I'll talk to you later on the PlayStation Network. Goodbye! 
'''Julie:''' Are you going to come back to Mumble? 
'''Chris:''' Mm, that's some for me to think about. I'll see you later Julie. Alright, Clyde. 
'''Julie''': Alright, I'll see you later. Bye. 
''[Chris disconnects]'' 
'''Julie''': Well, could have been better. Could have been awfully better. That's all I can really say. I'm disappointed. And before you all unmute yourselves- ''[cuts off]'' I am a- ''[cuts off]'' Oh, I was supposed to do that, Cogs! What's up! What's up, I was gonna do that! Anyway, yeah, Chris might be-''[cuts off]'' 
''[Trolls talk near inaudibly]'' 
'''GeckoMantis:''' Cogs, I'm sorry, I was still set to stereo mix instead of my microphone, because I was recording Chris. 
[Pause] 
'''GeckoMantis:''' Yeah, I'd better stop recording now. 

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 4|Mumble Chat 4]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat 6]]|}}

==Links==
[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-3NTcDUDNMdDMJvYdaYmIUJ0gm7hUOTu/view?usp=drivesdk Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Prank calls

2021-07-30T15:10:01Z

Dasch5: bored

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
|}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Death Note, Shaman King, Vampire Knight, Love Hina, Negima, Marty Bob? There's a whole load of this, what do you like?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please don't hang up, We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
|}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|5IFtCJi8gMI}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
|}

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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|
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
|}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of unfunny [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris. Due to their unoriginality, all they could think of was yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and roasts them.

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispering''] Fucking pick up, piece of shit!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Troll 2:''' [''overlapping''] Juliiiie!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''Barb is heard in the background; after a little bit he hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible chattering''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
|}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
|}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
|}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
|}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob (which, years later, was revealed to be [[Jack Z]], after he admitted it in his [http://archive.vn/0giZa#selection-2095.0-2095.69 Kiwi Farms thread]), calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
|}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
|}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
|}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and (less plausibly) that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83-year-old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
|}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
|}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occurred not long before it was uploaded.

<center>
{{#ev:archiveorg|i-call-bob-chandler-and-chris-chan}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
|}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|n-R-notFGdY}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
|}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|VnDPXiPCPos}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=

'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 }}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|-1h7PgNy64I}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

==Chris Chan calls Time-Life==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|D0wD-XYm6_M}}</center>
{{Transcript}}

=="The many Prank Calls of Chris Chan"==
In this series of calls, another gaggle of weens repeatedly call Chris under the guise of wanting to conduct an interview with him. Chris goes along with it at first, but quickly hangs up after one of the trolls brings up his sex tapes. After three more failed attempts at calling him, which end with Chris pretending to get feedback, wittering on about how he is STRAIGHT, and quickly hanging up, respectively, he continues on with a call at the very end, when one of the weens poses as a fan named Avril/Lily. "Avril" manages to secure a time and date for the "interview", which never ended up happening.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2IgU5Nl1Z1c}}</center>
{{Quote|It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual!|Chris. He ''did'' say we can quote him on that.}}
{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris unintentionally''] Well, you guys are, like, bad...
'''Chris:''' Hello? [''pause''] Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Yeah.
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Who is this?
'''Chris:''' Uh.....I should be asking that question.
'''Troll #1:''' You're Chris-Chan, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' Uh-huuuh.
'''Troll #2:''' Wait, you ''are'' Chris-Chan?
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, really?
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, hello there.
'''Chris:''' Yes--
'''Troll #1:''' You're the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' You have, like, a high amount of autism, don't you?
'''Chris:''' Uh, what?
'''Troll #2:''' [''talking over Chris''] Eh, don't worry, I have autism too, I...just...
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris-Chan, we just want a word with you. Um, what was your inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I can't quite--I did not quite understand that, I got my mind on other things as well at the moment.
'''Troll #1:''' Well, mm-mm--well, anyways, Chris-Chan, what was your biggest inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' Hmm...oh, wa--oh so many things that I can't really say off the top of my head right now.
'''Troll #1:''' Isn't it a conversion of S-uh, Pokémon and Sonic, correct?
'''Chris:''' It's--that is one thing, yes, but there are so many other things as well.
'''Troll #1:''' [''blowing the call almost immediately''] And you make sex tapes. [''chuckles'']
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, don't you go and do that! Idiot.
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, sorry...
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit...
[''Chris hangs up, and after a few seconds of silence the default Skype hangup sound is heard'']
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit, Leonard(?), you went a little too far.
'''Troll #3:''' You blew it.....you blew it! At least we knew something. Right?
'''Troll #2:''' Mmmhmm.
'''Troll #3:''' Rrrrright?
'''Troll #2:''' Right.
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hey, [[Kim]]! [''pause''] Kim? ...hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Christian?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Troll #1:''' Uhhhhh, well, we--a bunch of people, my friends, we both, uh, decided to interview you if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' [''poorly imitating feedback''] Ah-kk-kkkk-I-kkkk-can't-kkkk-hear-kkkk-going-kkkk-through-kkkk-the-kkkk-ground, uhhh, ugh-kkkk-talk to you...guys...later! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' Uhh...i-it won't be...''that douchebag!'' Where--
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Hello, Chris-Chan, my name is John Speed. I'm one of your biggest fans and I wanna know if I can do an interview with you?
'''Chris:''' I will answer one question, and that will be: I AM STRAIGHT.
'''Troll #1:''' That's--
'''Chris:''' The--I only made that video as a ''mockery'', as a slanderous mockery, like is it--it was done in ''[[Monty Python]] Flying Circus'', except now it--now, '''it's'''..."''Really Stupid Flying Jackass''"!
'''Troll #1:''' [''tries talking, is continually interrupted'']
'''Chris:''' So, that's what--so, that was basically the premise of that video, and I'm about to make an announcement video, cons--to, uh, emphasize that, I was going--I was going with the direct, uh--direction of ''stupid''...in the, duh, ih, the definition of "stupid" then referring to the word GEHHHHH! EHH! It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that! You can QUOTE me on that! Bye-bye.
'''Troll #1:''' .....FUCK!
'''Troll #3:''' Uh, the contrary(?)...
'''Troll #1:''' Fail number three. [''sarcastic applause''] Thaaaaat's it. We can't call him.
[''they nevertheless call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #3:''' Hello, Chris-Chan! ['''Chris:''' ...goodbye!] Or, can I say, father?
'''Troll #1:''' YOU GOT PWNED BY CHRIS-CHAN! [''the other trolls laugh'']
'''Troll #3:''' ''What?''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris-Chan pwned!
'''Troll #3:''' Really, what? Since when has Chris-Chan been--
[''they call him one last time'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Troll:''' Hello, um, is this Christian Weston Chandler?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, um, I'm sorry we've never been properly introduced here, uh, my name is, um, Avril. See, my-my real name is Lily, but my, uh, my screenname on the internet is "Avril the Hedgehog", and I'm from a, uh, a small, close-knit Sonic community and we would like to conduct a phone interview with you if you d-if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' Well, uh, uh--I would not mind but I'm busy at the moment, so, perhaps another time?
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, well, tell me whatever time's best for you and I will contact you then, I will patch you in for anytime you're available except for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be busy. But Monday or Tuesday is probably the best time for me.
'''Chris:''' I see, what will you be doing tomorrow?
'''Female Troll:''' Tomorrow, I have to do some stuff with my family, my, um, father's moving into a new house, I have to make sure everything is all checked out, so that's, I'm gonna be out of the house all day, I'm going to be very, very busy. Real estate, y'know.
'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, uh, did you say Tuesday was not good?
'''Female Troll:''' Tuesday's fine with me, I can do Tuesday.
'''Chris:''' A'ight, Tuesday night then.
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, Tuesday, what time?
'''Chris:''' About--about 9:00 Eastern.
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, that's wonderful, that's perfect for me, thank you very much, Chris.
'''Chris:''' Alright, what timezone do you live in?
'''Female Troll:''' I live in Eastern as well, so this is perfect for me.
'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, take care, be safe.
'''Female Troll:''' You too, thank you very very very much. Okay.</poem>
}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2021-07-30T15:07:38Z

Dasch5: AND MOAR

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
|}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Death Note, Shaman King, Vampire Knight, Love Hina, Negima, Marty Bob? There's a whole load of this, what do you like?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
|}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|5IFtCJi8gMI}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
|}

<center>
'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|y47UPTphc58}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
|}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of unfunny [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris. Due to their unoriginality, all they could think of was yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and roasts them.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|O4mkAw9Be-k}}
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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispering''] Fucking pick up, piece of shit!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Troll 2:''' [''overlapping''] Juliiiie!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''Barb is heard in the background; after a little bit he hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible chattering''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
|}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|GMb4aeio7lY}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
|}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
|}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
|}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob (which, years later, was revealed to be [[Jack Z]], after he admitted it in his [http://archive.vn/0giZa#selection-2095.0-2095.69 Kiwi Farms thread]), calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
|}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
|}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
|}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and (less plausibly) that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83-year-old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
|}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
|}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occurred not long before it was uploaded.

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
|}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|n-R-notFGdY}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
|}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|VnDPXiPCPos}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=

'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 }}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|-1h7PgNy64I}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

==Chris Chan calls Time-Life==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|D0wD-XYm6_M}}</center>
{{Transcript}}

=="The many Prank Calls of Chris Chan"==
In this series of calls, another gaggle of weens repeatedly call Chris under the guise of wanting to conduct an interview with him. Chris goes along with it at first, but quickly hangs up after one of the trolls brings up his sex tapes. After three more failed attempts at calling him, which end with Chris pretending to get feedback, wittering on about how he is STRAIGHT, and quickly hanging up, respectively, he continues on with a call at the very end, when one of the weens poses as a fan named Avril/Lily. "Avril" manages to secure a time and date for the "interview", which never ended up happening.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2IgU5Nl1Z1c}}</center>
{{Quote|It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual!|Chris. He ''did'' say we can quote him on that.}}
{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris unintentionally''] Well, you guys are, like, bad...
'''Chris:''' Hello? [''pause''] Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Yeah.
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Who is this?
'''Chris:''' Uh.....I should be asking that question.
'''Troll #1:''' You're Chris-Chan, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' Uh-huuuh.
'''Troll #2:''' Wait, you ''are'' Chris-Chan?
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, really?
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, hello there.
'''Chris:''' Yes--
'''Troll #1:''' You're the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' You have, like, a high amount of autism, don't you?
'''Chris:''' Uh, what?
'''Troll #2:''' [''talking over Chris''] Eh, don't worry, I have autism too, I...just...
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris-Chan, we just want a word with you. Um, what was your inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I can't quite--I did not quite understand that, I got my mind on other things as well at the moment.
'''Troll #1:''' Well, mm-mm--well, anyways, Chris-Chan, what was your biggest inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' Hmm...oh, wa--oh so many things that I can't really say off the top of my head right now.
'''Troll #1:''' Isn't it a conversion of S-uh, Pokémon and Sonic, correct?
'''Chris:''' It's--that is one thing, yes, but there are so many other things as well.
'''Troll #1:''' [''blowing the call almost immediately''] And you make sex tapes. [''chuckles'']
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, don't you go and do that! Idiot.
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, sorry...
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit...
[''Chris hangs up, and after a few seconds of silence the default Skype hangup sound is heard'']
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit, Leonard(?), you went a little too far.
'''Troll #3:''' You blew it.....you blew it! At least we knew something. Right?
'''Troll #2:''' Mmmhmm.
'''Troll #3:''' Rrrrright?
'''Troll #2:''' Right.
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hey, [[Kim]]! [''pause''] Kim? ...hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Christian?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Troll #1:''' Uhhhhh, well, we--a bunch of people, my friends, we both, uh, decided to interview you if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' [''poorly imitating feedback''] Ah-kk-kkkk-I-kkkk-can't-kkkk-hear-kkkk-going-kkkk-through-kkkk-the-kkkk-ground, uhhh, ugh-kkkk-talk to you...guys...later! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' Uhh...i-it won't be...''that douchebag!'' Where--
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Hello, Chris-Chan, my name is John Speed. I'm one of your biggest fans and I wanna know if I can do an interview with you?
'''Chris:''' I will answer one question, and that will be: I AM STRAIGHT.
'''Troll #1:''' That's--
'''Chris:''' The--I only made that video as a ''mockery'', as a slanderous mockery, like is it--it was done in ''[[Monty Python]] Flying Circus'', except now it--now, '''it's'''..."''Really Stupid Flying Jackass''"!
'''Troll #1:''' [''tries talking, is continually interrupted'']
'''Chris:''' So, that's what--so, that was basically the premise of that video, and I'm about to make an announcement video, cons--to, uh, emphasize that, I was going--I was going with the direct, uh--direction of ''stupid''...in the, duh, ih, the definition of "stupid" then referring to the word GEHHHHH! EHH! It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that! You can QUOTE me on that! Bye-bye.
'''Troll #1:''' .....FUCK!
'''Troll #3:''' Uh, the contrary(?)...
'''Troll #1:''' Fail number three. [''sarcastic applause''] Thaaaaat's it. We can't call him.
[''they nevertheless call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #3:''' Hello, Chris-Chan! ['''Chris:''' ...goodbye!] Or, can I say, father?
'''Troll #1:''' YOU GOT PWNED BY CHRIS-CHAN! [''the other trolls laugh'']
'''Troll #3:''' ''What?''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris-Chan pwned!
'''Troll #3:''' Really, what? Since when has Chris-Chan been--
[''they call him one last time'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Troll:''' Hello, um, is this Christian Weston Chandler?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, um, I'm sorry we've never been properly introduced here, uh, my name is, um, Avril. See, my-my real name is Lily, but my, uh, my screenname on the internet is "Avril the Hedgehog", and I'm from a, uh, a small, close-knit Sonic community and we would like to conduct a phone interview with you if you d-if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' Well, uh, uh--I would not mind but I'm busy at the moment, so, perhaps another time?
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, well, tell me whatever time's best for you and I will contact you then, I will patch you in for anytime you're available except for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be busy. But Monday or Tuesday is probably the best time for me.
'''Chris:''' I see, what will you be doing tomorrow?
'''Female Troll:''' Tomorrow, I have to do some stuff with my family, my, um, father's moving into a new house, I have to make sure everything is all checked out, so that's, I'm gonna be out of the house all day, I'm going to be very, very busy. Real estate, y'know.
'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, uh, did you say Tuesday was not good?
'''Female Troll:''' Tuesday's fine with me, I can do Tuesday.
'''Chris:''' A'ight, Tuesday night then.
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, Tuesday, what time?
'''Chris:''' About--about 9:00 Eastern.
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, that's wonderful, that's perfect for me, thank you very much, Chris.
'''Chris:''' Alright, what timezone do you live in?
'''Female Troll:''' I live in Eastern as well, so this is perfect for me.
'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, take care, be safe.
'''Female Troll:''' You too, thank you very very very much. Okay.</poem>
}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2021-07-30T15:03:34Z

Dasch5: That was obvious.

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
|}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
|}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|5IFtCJi8gMI}}
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
|}

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'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|y47UPTphc58}}
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 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
|}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of unfunny [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris. Due to their unoriginality, all they could think of was yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and roasts them.

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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispering''] Fucking pick up, piece of shit!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Troll 2:''' [''overlapping''] Juliiiie!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''Barb is heard in the background; after a little bit he hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible chattering''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
|}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

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{{#ev:youtube|GMb4aeio7lY}}
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
|}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{#ev:youtube|bx1p7BsuVoU}}
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
|}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{#ev:youtube|vKgp5LaDsAY}}
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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
|}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob (which, years later, was revealed to be [[Jack Z]], after he admitted it in his [http://archive.vn/0giZa#selection-2095.0-2095.69 Kiwi Farms thread]), calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
|}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
|}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
|}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and (less plausibly) that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83-year-old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
|}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
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{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
|}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occurred not long before it was uploaded.

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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|
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
|}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|n-R-notFGdY}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
|}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|VnDPXiPCPos}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=

'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 }}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|-1h7PgNy64I}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

==Chris Chan calls Time-Life==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|D0wD-XYm6_M}}</center>
{{Transcript}}

=="The many Prank Calls of Chris Chan"==
In this series of calls, another gaggle of weens repeatedly call Chris under the guise of wanting to conduct an interview with him. Chris goes along with it at first, but quickly hangs up after one of the trolls brings up his sex tapes. After three more failed attempts at calling him, which end with Chris pretending to get feedback, wittering on about how he is STRAIGHT, and quickly hanging up, respectively, he continues on with a call at the very end, when one of the weens poses as a fan named Avril/Lily. "Avril" manages to secure a time and date for the "interview", which never ended up happening.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2IgU5Nl1Z1c}}</center>
{{Quote|It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual!|Chris. He ''did'' say we can quote him on that.}}
{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris unintentionally''] Well, you guys are, like, bad...
'''Chris:''' Hello? [''pause''] Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Yeah.
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Who is this?
'''Chris:''' Uh.....I should be asking that question.
'''Troll #1:''' You're Chris-Chan, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' Uh-huuuh.
'''Troll #2:''' Wait, you ''are'' Chris-Chan?
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, really?
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, hello there.
'''Chris:''' Yes--
'''Troll #1:''' You're the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' You have, like, a high amount of autism, don't you?
'''Chris:''' Uh, what?
'''Troll #2:''' [''talking over Chris''] Eh, don't worry, I have autism too, I...just...
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris-Chan, we just want a word with you. Um, what was your inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I can't quite--I did not quite understand that, I got my mind on other things as well at the moment.
'''Troll #1:''' Well, mm-mm--well, anyways, Chris-Chan, what was your biggest inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' Hmm...oh, wa--oh so many things that I can't really say off the top of my head right now.
'''Troll #1:''' Isn't it a conversion of S-uh, Pokémon and Sonic, correct?
'''Chris:''' It's--that is one thing, yes, but there are so many other things as well.
'''Troll #1:''' [''blowing the call almost immediately''] And you make sex tapes. [''chuckles'']
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, don't you go and do that! Idiot.
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, sorry...
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit...
[''Chris hangs up, and after a few seconds of silence the default Skype hangup sound is heard'']
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit, Leonard(?), you went a little too far.
'''Troll #3:''' You blew it.....you blew it! At least we knew something. Right?
'''Troll #2:''' Mmmhmm.
'''Troll #3:''' Rrrrright?
'''Troll #2:''' Right.
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hey, [[Kim]]! [''pause''] Kim? ...hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Christian?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Troll #1:''' Uhhhhh, well, we--a bunch of people, my friends, we both, uh, decided to interview you if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' [''poorly imitating feedback''] Ah-kk-kkkk-I-kkkk-can't-kkkk-hear-kkkk-going-kkkk-through-kkkk-the-kkkk-ground, uhhh, ugh-kkkk-talk to you...guys...later! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' Uhh...i-it won't be...''that douchebag!'' Where--
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Hello, Chris-Chan, my name is John Speed. I'm one of your biggest fans and I wanna know if I can do an interview with you?
'''Chris:''' I will answer one question, and that will be: I AM STRAIGHT.
'''Troll #1:''' That's--
'''Chris:''' The--I only made that video as a ''mockery'', as a slanderous mockery, like is it--it was done in ''[[Monty Python]] Flying Circus'', except now it--now, '''it's'''..."''Really Stupid Flying Jackass''"!
'''Troll #1:''' [''tries talking, is continually interrupted'']
'''Chris:''' So, that's what--so, that was basically the premise of that video, and I'm about to make an announcement video, cons--to, uh, emphasize that, I was going--I was going with the direct, uh--direction of ''stupid''...in the, duh, ih, the definition of "stupid" then referring to the word GEHHHHH! EHH! It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that! You can QUOTE me on that! Bye-bye.
'''Troll #1:''' .....FUCK!
'''Troll #3:''' Uh, the contrary(?)...
'''Troll #1:''' Fail number three. [''sarcastic applause''] Thaaaaat's it. We can't call him.
[''they nevertheless call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #3:''' Hello, Chris-Chan! ['''Chris:''' ...goodbye!] Or, can I say, father?
'''Troll #1:''' YOU GOT PWNED BY CHRIS-CHAN! [''the other trolls laugh'']
'''Troll #3:''' ''What?''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris-Chan pwned!
'''Troll #3:''' Really, what? Since when has Chris-Chan been--
[''they call him one last time'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Troll:''' Hello, um, is this Christian Weston Chandler?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, um, I'm sorry we've never been properly introduced here, uh, my name is, um, Avril. See, my-my real name is Lily, but my, uh, my screenname on the internet is "Avril the Hedgehog", and I'm from a, uh, a small, close-knit Sonic community and we would like to conduct a phone interview with you if you d-if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' Well, uh, uh--I would not mind but I'm busy at the moment, so, perhaps another time?
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, well, tell me whatever time's best for you and I will contact you then, I will patch you in for anytime you're available except for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be busy. But Monday or Tuesday is probably the best time for me.
'''Chris:''' I see, what will you be doing tomorrow?
'''Female Troll:''' Tomorrow, I have to do some stuff with my family, my, um, father's moving into a new house, I have to make sure everything is all checked out, so that's, I'm gonna be out of the house all day, I'm going to be very, very busy. Real estate, y'know.
'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, uh, did you say Tuesday was not good?
'''Female Troll:''' Tuesday's fine with me, I can do Tuesday.
'''Chris:''' A'ight, Tuesday night then.
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, Tuesday, what time?
'''Chris:''' About--about 9:00 Eastern.
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, that's wonderful, that's perfect for me, thank you very much, Chris.
'''Chris:''' Alright, what timezone do you live in?
'''Female Troll:''' I live in Eastern as well, so this is perfect for me.
'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, take care, be safe.
'''Female Troll:''' You too, thank you very very very much. Okay.</poem>
}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Cirrusfire DMs

2021-01-13T17:00:46Z

Dasch5: Added what I could barely read

{{merge|Sonic World}}

{{quote|Why do the handful of people in this dimension have to be so freaking ungrateful and selfish, including you?|Chris to the person he appropriated a Sonichu mod from.}}

'''Cirrusfire''' is a modder who created a mod of Sonichu for the fangame [[Sonic World]]. Chris posted a modified version of it without Cirrusfire's permission, resulting in his file being flagged and deleted. On 26 December 2020, Chris, during his phase of [[role-play]]ing as Sonichu, confronted Cirrusfire over DMs. The DMs were later leaked by Deez, the admin of the Sonic World Discord group, who [[ban]]ned Chris over the confrontation.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/12-26-2020-chriss-dms-with-sonichu-mod-creator.82796/ (Archive https://archive.fo/T5ueo)</ref>

Chris's messages are in yellow; Cirrusfire's in green.

==26 December 2020==

{{quoteboxyellow|Cirrus, I wish to talk with you. The Sonichu Mod was forced into trash from Gamebanana.}}

[Chris sends a cap of the GameBanana deletion]

{{quoteboxyellow|Look, for one thing, I gave you credit in the notes of the Mod. Second, I am Sonichu Prime; the one-and-only individual that mod was inspired and made from. Third, Christine is the main owner of our IP and all that.

I get it, I should have talked with you sooner about this, but I had thought things were cool, since this was a non-profit bit of data that was personally updated and made authentic, and as the individual who made the thing, I had thought you would be humbled and honored to have been made famous by our action of sharing your contribution to the communities. But for whatever reasoning that we can resolve to restore this, I am willing to listen. But, dude, in this misconduct after the fact of my own generosity to make the mod better, 1 personally feel rejected, and it really hurts.}}

==27 Dec 2020==
{{quoteboxgreen|Just because you have me credit in the notes doesn't mean you can republish my work. Secondly yes it's your character that I mainly made for a comic dub that was long since cancelled 2 years ago, and it's why I did my own voice acting.. it's authentic to my own project, I have you permission to make your own voice mod which is fine and dandy and you can release the voice mod separate and for those that wish to use it can download it, also. I'm not famous, if I was cool but it'd be on my own accord, and not for a sonichu mod.. but once again having your own voice mod is chill, but when I made it originally it took hours to animate and work on, models, textures. I put all that time and effort in.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|[cutoff] Mod, and uploaded them separately from the Mod, people would still need the Mod to put with the files. If it were you, and you did not know where to download the Mod to go with these voice and bio files, it would be just about garbage to you. So, yeah, the mod would have to be there with the voice and bio files. I'll let you ponder and stew over that. [[Messiah complex|What you did will be judged upon you by Chris, herself]]; what you did was most ungrateful and selfish. (edited)

And to add, no [[money]] was being made at all from this. [[Sonic World]] is a free to play game, and so are all of the Mods. A Mod should only be reported if the person is actually making any money off of the Mod itself. And a retexture is a retexture; it should not be a freaking matter, because the thing is Free. Why do the handful of people in this [[dimension]] have to be so freaking ungrateful and selfish, including you?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|It's my project, my model, you don't get to justify texturing, also it's a rule in the sonic world discord server so maybe you should "ponder and stew" for being ungrateful and selfish for not just being satisfied for a mod that was meant for everyone to enjoy- also so people would 'know' you could easily drop my mod link with your voice and bio mod, BAM that's literally okay. And it's not ungrateful or selfish. I didn't have to release the mod at all, a lot of people don't release their mods for this exact reason, people like you will take and repost and others will instantly think you did everything when all you did was change voice files and a bio}}

==See also==
*[[Chris and negotiation]]

==References==
<references/>

{{FanChats}}

January 2019 videos

2020-12-06T11:13:18Z

Dasch5: Indent? Was he hitting something or what?

This page contains Chris's videos from [[January 2019]].

==Jackson Dalton Interview==
{{main|Jackson Dalton}}

==It's snowing==
Chris points the camera outside of a window in his [[14BC|house]] while filming the snow falling and singing to himself.

{{Infobox/video
| name = It's snowing
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8YzcrRxoo7o}}
| stardate = 12 [[January 2019]]
| maker =
| subject =
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga =
| shirt =
| other =
| previous = [[Jackson Dalton#Interview|Jackson Dalton Interview]]
| next = [[A message to everyone, and the Haters and Bullies]]
}}
===Transcript===
Snowing, snowing, snowing is falling and we're inside at home, with eggs, for breakfast TO MAKE OMELETTES WITH!

==A message to everyone, and the Haters and Bullies==
{{main|A message to everyone, and the Haters and Bullies}}

==AHH!==
[[January 2019 social media posts#Chris is rather cross|After being pushed to his wits' end]] by [[weens]] and [[trolls]] on [[Twitter]], and being blocked by multiple people involved with [[TF2 Analysis]], Chris expresses his rage in a short Twitter video.

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = AHH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|erk_dY8qzE8}}
| stardate = 22 January 2019
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| Saga =
| shirt = {{BlueClopperShirt|text}} {{BigRedSweater|text}}
| other =
| previous = [[A message to everyone, and the Haters and Bullies]]
| next = [[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!]]
}}

===Transcript===

<nowiki>*breathes in*</nowiki>

{{rageQuote|AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!}}

===Memes===
With this video, Chris likely intended to vocalize his frustration and intimidate his trolls, but he accidentally started a new Twitter meme. Not long after the video was published, people began editing the video to change Chris's scream into something else. Among the edits that have been made include ones where he screams the [[PlayStation]] 2 startup theme, the Loud Nigra sound clip, and Luigi's cry for "YHEEEEEELP!" from the ''Super Mario World'' cartoon. The following is a fan compilation:

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan Screaming Meme Compilation (2019)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|I2_cxp1oAzM}}
| Stardate = 23 January 2019
| Maker = CrabLegsTV
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!==
{{main|Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[December 2018 videos]]|nextlink=[[February 2019 videos]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to Twitter]]

User:Dasch5

2020-11-19T06:17:47Z

Dasch5: Created page with "Uhh.... based."

Uhh.... based.