CWCki - User contributions [en]

Lars Call

2010-11-07T18:20:52Z

Dauphine:

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]
{{quote|The fuck that shit be??|[[Lars]], questioning on what [[autism]] is}}
The '''Lars Call''' is a ninety-minute phone conversation where Chris discusses with [[Jackie]]'s ex-boyfriend [[Lars]] addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris gets comfortable with ebonics, and hilarity ensues.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion thanks to Lars
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]]
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]]
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|Down Syndrome]]
* Chris whines about trolls, not getting a job, and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say "nigga" out of context
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his comic. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]], Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Nigga]]"
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving]] he did.
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's Nigga
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]"
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his PS3 (at least it wasn't [[Patti]])
* Lars spent 9 months as a volunteer at a hospital enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying
* More bitching about trolls.
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to ban Chris
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and would kick their ass (only if they hit first)
* Chris likes Black people on TV. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes "Sanford & Son". They both hold up their fists in solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right
* Lars tells Chris that his dick is four inches of straight goodness
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in High School
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" He beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit courtesy of Taco Bell
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women, Chris denies it
* Chris didn't have Taco Bell, he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 10, he was scared.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris' doorstep the following day
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, He will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, He wants Jackie '''AND''' video games
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]]
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
* They say Goodnight

==Transcript==

Jackie: [In shrill, forced enthusiasm] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?

Chris: ... Oh ... Jackie ... Hi.

Jackie: Well I got your email!-

Chris: Well- ...... Yeah. Oh uhhh. Yep. What's a ... What's ... a ... (sounds of frantic typing) what's .. a what's ... uh your response there?

Jackie: Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-

Chris: Oh.

Jackie: -two boys play nice, ok?

Chris: Um, ok.

Jackie: Lars!

Lars: YO! BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!

Chris: ... hmm, Hello?

Lars: Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?

Chris: ....

Lars: Yo dawg?

Chris: ...

Lars:[Clearly a white man] Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?

Chris: Ugh, this is Christian.

Lars; Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?

Chris: Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?

Lars: Doin' alright nigga. Shit. Yo I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all prolly felt the same way, and shit.

Chris: ...

Lars: But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: ''Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit.'' So I be like doin' the call and shit.

Chris: ...

Lars: Yo dawg-

Chris: ... Ye-

Lars: -what you wanna talk about?

Chris: Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.

Lars: Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.

Chris: Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?

Lars: Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.

Chris: Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.

Lars: Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pull a lot of bashin' (?) and shit, I tell ya what.

Chris: Yeah

Lars: I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga. You dig, you feel me?

Chris: Yeah, I hear- I hear you.

Lars: Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.

Chris: Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.

Lars: Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any nasty habits and shit there Chris?

Chris: N-nasty habits?

Lars: Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model planes, and trains, and automobiles maybe? Anything that be weighing you down and shit?

Chris: Hmm, yeah-

Lars: We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.

Chris: Oh... okay, well I did have a whole city made out of Legos that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-

Lars: Huh, y'all done got a city of Legos and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?

Chris: Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.

Lars: Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. Jackson and a Hamilton and shit, goin' to Popeyes Chicken with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeye's and shit?

Chris: Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-

Lars: Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.

Chris: Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.

Lars: A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.

Chris: Hmm...

Lars: I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?

Chris: Yeah, I have felt that way before.

Lars: Tell me all about it, dog.

Chris: Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of friends back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave Chesterfield County where I was going to high school and move back Ruckersville. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends

Lars: Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through 7th grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "Kick the Nigga" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.

Chris: Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before.

Lars: Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...

Chris: Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on Wikipedia.

Lars: Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that Down Syndrome and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.

Chris: Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down Syssdrome, it's way different from Down Syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's A-U-T-I-S-M.

Lars: Be more like that Aspergers and shit.

Chris: Um...

Lars: I ain't know anyone with that Aspergers, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: So you got them Aspergers and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.

Chris: Well, she’s, uh-

Lars: Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ house nigga. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.

Chris: Yeah. I hear you. My-my mom-it happens between my mom and dad. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.

Lars: Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m a black man, so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and Jackie. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.

Chris: Yeah. I hear-

Lars: Shit ain’t cornbread.

Chris: I hear that.

Lars: So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y’all know why Jackie wasn’t happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.

Chris: Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my computer went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, AIM and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to Youtube for her, which I have done, and, uh-

Lars: A’ight, A’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y’all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-

Chris: Uh huh.

Lars: You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: -she asks?

(pause)

Lars: Somethin’ about-

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about that fuckin’ comic video. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.

Chris: Well, I mean, uh-

Lars: Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.

Chris: Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to youtube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car just yet.

Lars: I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, trollin' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?

Chris: Yeah.

Lars: Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.

Chris: Eh.

Lars: Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.

(Pause)

Chris: Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a internet bullies, and cyber bullies. Trolls.

Lars: What is-

Chris: (interjecting) They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a internet celebr- internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of my comic, in my comics and what not. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]

Lars: I feel you, dog. I feel ya.

{{transcription}}

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
{{stub}}

A Public Announcement for Congress

2010-10-20T06:03:31Z

Dauphine: /* Video */

'''A Public Announcement for Congress''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. The "for Congress" part apparently represents some confusion or misconception, because the video actually consists of a stump speech directed at the American people, outlining the policies Chris would advance if he were president. Keeping in line with his nonexistent knowledge of modern politics, and given his stated political stances and views, Chris seems to be unaware that 2nd Amendment rights are often a primary issue for conservative voters, as well that it is routine for Republican candidates to display homophobic views and policies.

Chris offers a number of initiatives that would give [[tugboat|free money]] to [[Bob|senior citizens]] and [[Inos|the homeless]], while also proposing that taxes be slashed to a tiny fraction of their current rates. In addition, he suggests that all of the guns should go to the [[jerkops|police]], and would only be redistributed in case of attack from [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|another nation]] or [[Chris and reality|another planet]].

Also, [[Homos|gay people]] would be accepted in his [[CWCVille|Utopian society]], so long as he didn't have to notice that they exist. He makes the claim that gay marriage will be allowed in all U.N. member nations, despite various international laws, sovereignties, and treaties that all basically mean that the President of the United States has no such decisive say in the policies of the various countries of the U.N. Finally, he suggests a police state in which emails and other forms of online communication are constantly monitored in order to prevent trolling. Whether the trolls would be [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|tortured bad]] for their actions has yet to be announced.

In yet [[Twin Falling Towers|another display]] of Chris's patriotism, he calls the [[United States of America|United States]] the United Nations, and refers to it as a city. Whether this is him wanting to expand his control to other nations or a legitimate mistake is unknown.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Public Announcement for Congress
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ghfoOqS2mM8}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Politics}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = VA Red Cross Blood Donor
| previous = [[Vitameatavegamin]]
| next = [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|Pregnant Act]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Dope1.jpg|thumb|CWC [[2008]]]]

Good evening, friends. As your presidential candidate, I will now state how I feel (''Chris makes an odd kicking motion''), what we can do to improve this, [[United States of America|these nations, these states]]. For one thing, we got so many [[Inos|poor people out on the streets]]. I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have soup beds. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS! So that there would be a bed for every homeless person until they can get back up on their own feet. Also, lower taxes. I will propose lower taxes, and we shall not have to pay so much. Five percent is okay, but why not two point five percent? And we will not cut off any benefits for the old people. They are good. And we shall give them plenty of money so they can afford the medications and services to keep them alive, because we do not pay for when we are sick, we pay for our [[Chris and health|good health!]] And we only pay after we're healthy. We're in good health. We pay to stay alive, we do not pay to die.

And, speaking of which, too much [[Sonichu 10|violence]] goes on within these city streets. I will propose only gun distribution to the official authority, which shall be the post-, which shall be within the [[Jerkops|police departments]]. Nowhere else. And all guns owned by locals, community people, shall be taken away. At least the bullets. When the bullets are necessary, or when there is an outbreak of violence from another [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|nation]] or [[Chris and reality|planet]], then we shall issue the bullets. At all-, at free stations, to be opened immediately. Otherwise we'll send in our special troops. Our [[Chaotic Combo|special force]].
[[Image:Retard-soldier.jpg|thumb|Special Forces don't approve of Chris's shit]]

(''A long pause, where Chris becomes visibly agitated'')

And also (''another pause''), we will be okay to have the gays (''noticably grimaces'') within our community, we will be okay to have the gays within our community. In all states! There will be gay marriage ability for every state within the [[Fail|United Nations]]. I mean, keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody, 'cause mup- the- mag- [[Family Guy|what may be right for you, may not be right for most. For some. You take the good from the bad and then you get an opening statement like mine.]]

People need to appreciate life, so we will not have to face death. [[Autism|I lost my train of thought there]], but that's okay. I am only human! We are all human! I am a noble, [[honest]] person. No matter what e'erbody else may say, even on the Internet, and my opponent, [[Clyde Cash|Señor Cachez de Clyyyyde]]. He tells liiies about me! And so do the trolls that have be-trolled me over the Internet. Their jeers, and non-cheers, do not go appreciated. Because it is not everybody who can take a joke. Even when it's at their own expense.

And with that, I will propose Internet securities, reinforced by the FBI, and there will be patrol stations of the Trollbusters around these United States. Any repor-, any troll activity that you may be suspicious of an individual, you report to your local authority! And they will tell, and then they will inform the local FBI station within that state. And then they will investigate thoroughly! Over the wireless that is called the Internet! And they will trace the e-mails back to the origin home address or location. And they will be apprehended and fined or sentenced, depending on how CRUEL they are to the [[Chris|victim]].

I stand strong, I stand firm, I AM A NOBLE LEADER! And if I am elected, I will do my best to keep our America strong and sound, and not go down the drain. I'm sorry, [[Obama]], I did vote for you, but [[:File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|I gotta agree with my father]], you are bringing us, somuss- some of the situations downhill. But I have nothing against you because I did vote for you. And I liked your documentary on A&E. I would shake your hand at the first opportunity I would to meet you, Mr. President.

And thou- er- fore, I shall conclude my opening statement. In the candisacy of the president, I say, I will do my best! And I am not lazy! Thank you.

This ad is not real. I'm not being, going to be elected president, but I tell the truth nonetheless of what I would do if I were to become president. Thank you.

== Notes ==
Chris tries to translate Clyde Cash's name into [[Spanish]], failing miserably. As you don't translate names, but if one did, it would be ''Dinero'', not "Cashez", and the last name would still go last. Also, "de(l) ___" suffixes tend to be titles and honorifics. Thus, if names were to be translated, Clyde may be ''Claudio Dinero del Oro'', lit: "Clyde Cash of the Gold."

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan Political Ad
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8ojhq6qnBrE}}
| Maker = DrNurse
| Stardate = 19 October 2010
| Video Type = PSA
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Vitameatavegamin]]|nextlink=[[Pregnant Act#The Remake|Pregnant Act]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]