CWCki - User contributions [en]

100 2267

2010-10-07T22:23:58Z

Dbzqqmoar1988: Replaced content with "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPsy3QwPiAo"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPsy3QwPiAo

100 2267

2010-10-07T22:21:11Z

Dbzqqmoar1988:

Kacey and Liquid Call

2010-09-21T18:15:17Z

Dbzqqmoar1988: /* Transcript */

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Fattus goddammus'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and Solid Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) mostly consists of Solid trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4]], and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point Solid loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====

Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual Chris-chan Sonichu stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====

In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====

Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's LittleBigPlanet date level was originally made for another girl. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be a dude. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing Pokémon with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====

Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]] and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Ian's behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Ian responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Ian only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Solid Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Ian is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====

Ian begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Ian states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Ian declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Ian of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop Being Crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====

Kacey doesn't think Ian is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Ian doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====

Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Ian whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Ian to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You- you- you ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g- so he wouldn’t co- so he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's- that's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay. Well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' -he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me- well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu- but- but ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to- to kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it- I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Well... I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa- I- I don't... Would you rather have- I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just... shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I- I’d rather you-
 '''Chris:''' Or-
 '''Kacey:''' -not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody... in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more... I don't know... more real- ''realistic'' in... ''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh-
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that-
 '''Chris:''' -y’know-
 '''Kacey:''' -you would shoot him in real life.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se- in self-''defense''! Mmm. I mean, yeah, my- in that- in- y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... in real life, I ''would'' appre- I would, uh, try- I would, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, I don’t- I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based of- based off the, uh- based off... Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing… shooting him... on- on... Transformers? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... no. Y’see, I have the- I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like- like... he was my boyfriend, and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just- I mean, like- I was expecting, like- you know, like, a magical fight, not like... you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want- you wanted me to... cute it up a little- cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I... didn't really want- I just didn’t really feel like, uh... cute- that cute- that, uh- that...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be... like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like... the ''Sonichu''... comic. But, I mean, you- you shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well... it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only- I mean, I can- I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that.
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I can... get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe- yeah, may- yeah, I can make it less viol- ''violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but- yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... okay, well, I'm sorry for- I did not mean for it to-
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris: that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're- you’re calling... ''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Kacey:''' -it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I- yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him... there... in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then, you ''leave'' him! Like, uh- like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. No, actually, I would have called 911 on him. Y’know… bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay... and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 911 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! ’Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And- and then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- and especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can- I can- I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh... it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can- I can... undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It- it’s- I have no words to describe it. I mean... [''exhales angrily''] like... th- you did this... after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I- what's gonna happen if, like... somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... nobody ''has''- nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... my- in my defense, uh... ''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though... ''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So-
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Kacey:''' -I mean-
 '''Chris:''' -see, I-I-I- okay. Well, I ''have'' d- I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I- I-
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You- you've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously... you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' -I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou- um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... okay-
 '''Kacey:''' You complained-
 '''Chris:''' -it’s like, over-
 '''Kacey:''' -to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''... you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay-
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' -have you- have you- did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're-
 '''Chris:''' I jog-
 '''Kacey:''' -doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged... ''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j- you just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''... alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis- I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said-
 '''Kacey:''' [speaking rapidly] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' Kim and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you- you show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And- and- and- and... I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I- okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And... I cannot undo it, but... okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It- it's too late. You- I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're- well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''- and ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I- uh, before I- I later found out that that... quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But- but- but ''still'', the- but still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' -I created the whole new level of-
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept... ''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did... [''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually...''
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in- instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, ba- [''stress sighs''] Well, I m- I mis-''worded'' that. I meant- I m- I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic". Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No...I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts tarding out''] NO, I WAS- NO, I WAS- NO, I HAD- I HAD IT... [''calms back down''] already- I had it ''started'', after I had- I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I- and I had it almost done. I just- just needed to color in the f- final pages today. And I did that! And-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking... raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... [''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working-
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on-
 '''Kacey:''' What do you-
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done-
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''-
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli- I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work- so, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it- actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about... fucking... Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more- I mean, y’know, c’mon- there's more to it than... ''that''. There's the, uh... ''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at-
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely- and definitely did the volunteer work at the- for the Pokémon Trading Card Game League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' Pokémon? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like ''candy'' striping, helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''- uh, the- Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society.
 [''long pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that...don't say that, that just makes me...that just makes me feel bad...I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay you finally made the comic but then you oh my GOD. I mean you were so nasty to my family, you just you don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE I CRIED I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously, that is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No no no no that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND, I mean that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something, You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT and then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him, what am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now, what are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much. 
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said a friend, that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you-
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well I care about your safety and well being and if someone shot you I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense-
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just, UGH.
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I...when I think about you I think about like the sweetest kindest woman I've ever known in my life who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [dramatic pause]
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not...sometimes I'm not sure what to say. And-
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good...Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of...I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No there's no such thing as little lies, all of them are big lies, especially...me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them, stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie some of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me all you did was stare at my chest and insult me, I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the on the other hand you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No no, I- [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hm, lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hm.
 '''Chris:''' Hello?...Yeah-
 '''Liquid:''' Hey wait a minute, ugh, is what I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Liquid:''' No it's not MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian [''inaudible'']
 '''Kacey:''' Wait wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as Ian Brandon Anderson!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid...shut your mouth! You are, you are, you are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because I mean you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my, you saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your, yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO! NO!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my, my moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you, no! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even, no...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're friends again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah. And not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT A FAT GODDAMMIT!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less, I weigh a lot less than that, you, you weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300... [''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and, and calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got, have you had against me that, what the hell have you had against me that was like, that came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't, I have the copyright, I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes, oh yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this, all this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have, why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my, my, has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's- it's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that, it's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine, Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah I have! I went there for four, for four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You, but you, you stand right next...you stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the, was the, one of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him and he would say I am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that you are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it, no, she will point at you and say, "Oh, yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That, this, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That, thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get, but he, he just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break, oh, gimme a break, you have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! You've been nothing but a pain in my, pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to, relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, yeah, no, you would not even, you wouldn't have access to her if it, if it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN COPYING ME!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has, not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud, I am so sick of you putting me, of you, calling me all that, when you know and I know and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me, all you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you baby, yeah, yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh, okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME, MY NAME IS, NO, NO, NO!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know, I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na-, you are naïve! And if I ever found you I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just, just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go, look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where, if I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there, I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the, you are not Christian Weston, you are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes I am! Yes I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to, you're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them. 
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's...I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come, I invite you to, write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is, that is my address. You, you, you have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just...you already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know, are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No you are not, 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not, you are, you are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C., it's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, I am not interested, how many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, okay, hold it, stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now, you've been ignoring me the whole time and now you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah...no, you listen, you listen, you listen, hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where he lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh, I am telling you right now, I am, I am telling you, this, this accusation of, of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that, it is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I, it just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME, I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER! When are you going to...I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is, yes it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes it is! And that is where, exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you...you, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey...yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out''] ...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it, you know it, you know that I'm true, please, believe, please Kacey, don't do, don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before too. Not anything like grandma dying. Just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy, okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are, you have always just been this naïve, because that's all, that's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family, I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay, well, you can have, okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah, shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you, but you, but I say, you know, but you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler, I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.''] ...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No you, no you are not! You are not! I am, I am, you are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not, you're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're, you're just a, you're, no, you're the, no, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers, until you prove it you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, geh, no, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not, you know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes I am, I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw, I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He, he, but he does not have the same drawing style I's drew, I do, I showed you my, it was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it to. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...he's only prete-, he's only pretending that, he's stealing me, he's stealing all that, he's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I, no I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't, stop the charade, we already know you're a liar Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler, thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU KACEY! GOD!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''Breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off, he's still calling me that, God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second. [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the...well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just, just lis-, just, that's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him, he can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now I just want him to, there, to talk to the, tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight, what in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either, she can't talk, or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk... [''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like one minute I'm talking to someone and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there, you don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was, I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their-they might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt, that's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just, yeah, I knew you would, this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP! Talk to you later Kacey, I love you, I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me, are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby, are you with me, are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you, why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete-, he's pretend, he's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You, you are just a less worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh-, I sh-, I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this, you're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here, your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do, what do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't, I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television, all that, seems a lot more important to me, so I get it, don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it, apparently I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro-, I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch, you didn't even defend me! You were just like, talk to her, talk to her, what was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to...that's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! Why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta, you gotta tell me, are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now, listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later, and as for you Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR! Good night.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
[''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call|Final]]}}

{{FanChats}}

==External links==

*Download [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eojywemfkom the call]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

[[Category:Phone calls]]

100 2178

2010-05-09T05:39:47Z

Dbzqqmoar1988: /* Transcription */

(a.k.a '''100 2178.MOV''') is a video in which Chris does an introspection of his life. Or at the very least complains about the latest faults that has occurred since he and [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] broke apart.

For some odd reason, Chris blames the city of Charlottesville, along with Albemarle County and Greene County for being stuck in his "autistic shell" and wishes they, [[Michael Snyder]], and the [[trolls]] would go to hell for playing [[Kick the Autistic]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2178.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|VwCldRr0kDc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 08 May 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter =
| Performance Style = [[Image:Tragedy.png]] Tragedy
| Shirt = Obscured
| previous = [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcription==

[Chris sits in the dark in front of his TV, which is turned off. He is visible only in silhouette. A fan hums in the background.]

This is Christian Weston Chandler, alias ''Christopher'' Weston Chandler, pre 1990-something. Anyway, I send this message to all the people who were of the Greene County School Board and such during the 1990s because threatening to put me in a mental institution, that was pretty much why we had to run away... and move to Chesterfield County, and I had better life over there! I had a lo-- I had so many friends over there, in High School, and I was just sad to leave, after I graduated, 'cause I had to leave all my friends. I had the good life. But we were forced to move back here.

You people of Greene County, you could not have left us, left me and my family alone. You had to go and pay off the realtors just so, so that this house here could not have been sold. 'Cause if it had been sold, we would have been able to stay in Chesterfield County [''[[sigh]]''] and I would have been ha-- I would have had a lot-- a happier life over there, than right now and how I'm feeling. If, right now, because we ha-- we were _forced_ to move back here because of you God-damn people where afraid of Austistic individuals.

[''[[sigh]]'']

You individuals would know who you are. I wish my family and I did not have to move back here. I wish we could have stayed in Chesterfield County, 'cause I had the better life there. And we were doing well, but you had to drag us down! You had to make us unable to sell our house here. You had to-- ''force'' my family to move back here, where I was OK and I have a couple of friends, and I'm better off with-- ''[Voice cracks, shakes arm to gesture at room.]'' ''stuff.''

That stuff is no good if I don't have, if I don't have many friends to share it with.

''[Chokes back tears.]''

And it all just went downhill. I bet, even Greene County had something to do, with influencing that God-damn Michel Snyder to see f-- to see any... recourse... or... anything like that to make him pretend to have a reason to kick me out, quote-unquote "''scaaaaring'' his customers away!" You GOD-DAMN, GREEDY SNYDER!

I was at the John Paul Jones Arena earlier tonight, at the Extreme Action Sports. I had won four tickets the previous Friday, Friday of the last week, from 95.1. The few friends I have here could have have come - could not come with me, and I could not even find anyone in the congregation to take-- to come with me. 'Cause I misplaced directory for one reason. And even with the help of my pastoral counselor to get in contact with them, they did not -- none of them called me back!

And I had to sell tickets I had, and I had to sit with next to a lovey-dovey couple. [voice begins to crack] Which, that was OK, you know, I was trying to be... good, I was trying to be good friend, you know, [cleans ear with finger?] sociable. *[[sigh]]* But still, if that was-- If I had stayed in Chesterfield County, and I would- and I had a similar situation for an event there, I would definitely have had my friends I had there. Moving back here, it just dragged me down-hill. So I tell you what, Greene County, because you saw fit to make, to make me and my family have to move back here, just to make me sad, and move more into my Autistic Shell: You Did It.

If I had stayed in Chesterfield County, I'd have been a whole lot better off. I wish you ha- I wish you have left us our house here; we could have stayed there. I wish wish we did not have to move back to *[[sigh]]* I wish we did not have to move back here nearly ten years ago.

Laugh all you want, trolls! Because I don't ''give a damn.'' You're all just immature, [[naive]], condescending, soulless ''monsters.'' You don't ''care'' about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't, you don't have your own social life! You threaten me from ha- from trying to seek one of my own, by scaring me on the Internet and whatnot.

Including Clyde Cash, you can all go to hell. And all da people who were on the Greene County School Board during the 1990s that forced us to have to move back here, '''sit and spin.'''

Hell. And Michel Snyder, I hope you go to Hell too.

As for everybody else...Peace.

CWCki:Community Portal

2010-05-09T05:31:08Z

Dbzqqmoar1988: /* Performance styles */

__NEWSECTIONLINK__
The Community Portal is designed to be a public forum to discuss CWCki related affairs for site wide concerns, policy, that sort of thing.

Please consult the archives to make sure your concern hasn't already been posted before:

[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 1]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 2]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 3]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 4]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 5]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 6]]

== I want to warn other women ==

Hello, my name is Jackie. Jesus, I can't believe I'm doing this.

Long story short, I'm in the market for a boyfriend and I posted online, thinking I would give it a shot. I meet a guy named Christian Weston Chandler. Guess where this is going.

I didn't know anything about this guy before I met him there. I talked back and forth with him for a bit on email, got to know him a little. I didn't know he was such an internet freak. But he told me all about this cwcki site, because I wanted to know more about him and I wanted him to make a video for me. He initially refused to make a video for me because he said it "got him in trouble before". I didn't know what he meant, so he sent me here to see videos of him talking to previous girlfriends and how the nasty trolls got him in trouble for it. Mind you, he was very careful to remind me that this website is full of lies and shouldn't be trusted, despite the fact he himself sent me here.

But I respected the fact he was at least being honest with me about this online shit. Or so it seemed. I watched a bunch of his videos, got more and more disturbed by them. I questioned him on some things, like how he apparently cheated on one of his ex-girlfriends with some other girl online. As was quite insulting (but not at all surprising now that I've familiarized myself with this site), he lied to me and said it never happened. Even though he himself admitted to cheating on her in a video HE MADE.

And a bunch of other shit he lied about too. Like professing his love for me every five minutes, even though he COULDN'T REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME. Check this video out: http://www.mediafire.com/?zzivjw32mlj
I asked him to make me a video showing me his female-pleasuring skills (this was before I started to realize what a disgusting piece of shit he is), and he CALLS ME BY HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND'S NAME.

So there you go, have at it. He calls this website full of liars, but as far as I can tell he's a worthless piece of shit and this site is pretty frank about it. I'm fucking done dealing with him but I thought I'd contribute my experience as a warning to all the other women in Virginia.--[[User:JaxRomy|JaxRomy]] 12:24am, 22 April 2010 (EST)

:* Hello Jackie, and welcome. I am sorry you had to encounter Christian without any prior warning- the truth must be shocking and a little frightening (you know he twice tried to convince the trolls to trick him into raping someone who was [[rocky|trying to help him and only looking out for his best interests]], right?). I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say that you are most welcome here, and that your experience will be added to the massive (and growing) pile of documentation regarding this mental man and his life. Your goal of warning others is a noble one and I invite you to come, join in the documentation and study of Christian Weston Chandler. Again, you have my sympathies. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:54, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Glad to be of service! Also, if you feel like you want to, you can add a better profile for him to Dontdatehimgirl.com--there's been one up there since 4chan/SA found his comic in 2007 and it's woefully out of date. And sorry you had to put up with being in a relationship with Chris. You are also welcome to contribute any information you want.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 04:58, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Welcome, Jackie, and I apologize for the inconvenience you had in registering for a new account. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a message on my [[User talk:Champthom|talk page]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:01, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Chris chan, "cute"? Lol. Anyway, welcome. --[[User:James Lamp-Eye|James Lamp-Eye]] 05:08, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*At least Chris had the lack of sense to point you here and warn you of what you were in for if you met him. Every new bit of Chris we see is darker and more disturbing than the last. This site does little more than hold a mirror up to Chris and let his own words speak for themselves. Enjoy exploring the man-child-sized bullet you just dodged. Any and all contributions you wish to make would be most appreciated. As you can see, we "trolls" are mainly fascinated observers of the perversion of nature known as Christian Chandler. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 05:31, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Jackie, I am so sorry you had to go through this.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:58, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Welcome and we're sorry for what you had to experience with Chris. You were lucky he pointed you here so soon. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 06:01, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Welcome Jackie and thank you for sharing your experience with us. I must congratulate you on your fortitude. The video he sent you make me feel quite nauseous and it's not even aimed at me! Yes, Christian Chandler is quite the sick puppy we describe and yet your e-mails are filled with juicy details and interesting anecdotes. You have proven your value and you are most welcome here among us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:10, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Hey, there. I'm so sorry about what happened between you and Chris, but it was for the best, yes? Hope you have fun here. じゃね!--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 13:21, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

== YOU ARE FAGGOTS ==

every single last one of you. seriously. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 01:52, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
* We love you too, Clyde. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 02:05, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
:* Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 02:06, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
::* Have my babiez, plz?--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 03:24, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*I want you inside me, Clyde. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:30, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*Oh Clyde, you're too nice. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 03:25, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*Cool.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:40, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*Yes. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 12:47, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

== Icon Templates ==

So I've added some code to the icon templates (and even added the normal icon template code to about a third of the shirt icons) so we can toggle the text labels for the icons. I mainly forsee this being useful for the video boxes on articles, rather than having to type '''<nowiki>{{BlueRedSleeveRugby}}</nowiki> Blue & Red Sleeve Rugby''', you can type '''<nowiki>{{BlueRedSleeveRugby|text=yes}}</nowiki>''' to generate the same effect. It also allows all uses of the icon template to be easily updated, should we decided to do something like rename a shirt.

I notice that there is a lot of inconsistency on pages with videos - some use icon templates, some don't - so do partly, probably due to new icon templates having later been made. So my plan is to revisit pages with videos and update them to use the templates. My dilemma is - should the format for showing the text be: '''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text=yes}}</nowiki>''' or '''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text}}</nowiki>''' or something else? --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 23:56, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

:Oh and examples of the icons with their respective text labels can be found [[User:Anonymax/Sandbox2|here]]. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 23:59, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
:I reallllly need some feedback on this. Plz replai --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:17, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Hey mate, looks fantastic. In my position as a complete nobody I approve of this change. Going back and retroactively changing every video is gunna be interesting, however... -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:32, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:* It's a good job Anonymax. Well done- I was watching as you put them up last night, you've done a great job with them --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 22:38, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

:Well I had to make the change to the templates so the default behaviour was not to show the label - in an ideal world, the default would be to show the label. I'm currently a fan of the '''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text}}</nowiki>''' way of triggering the display of labels - and unless anyone comes up with a reason to set it a different way, I'll make some changes soon. Yes the task of going through every page with video templates is going to take some time - however, it will help make all of them consistent. We like consistency. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:58, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
:Added some more code to my sandbox version of an icon template - now the template will accept custom text:
::*'''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate}}</nowiki>''' produces {{:User:Anonymax/Sandbox}}
::*'''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text}}</nowiki>''' produces {{:User:Anonymax/Sandbox|text}}
::*'''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|Some Text}}</nowiki>''' produces {{:User:Anonymax/Sandbox|Some Text}}
: A more flexible solution methinks --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:32, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

:*That works well, good job --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 02:43, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
:*I think I'm happy with the [[User:Anonymax/Sandbox|sandbox example]] for icon templates and their usage - but any suggestions for improvements before I start to apply it to all templates would be good --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 14:54, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

All icon templates have been updated now. The process of editing each video page to make use of the templates is slowly underway. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 02:26, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

== Sonichu update ==

I noticed today that some troll has "updated" Sonichu 11 with some new pages. Does anybody know who is this troll?[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 00:06, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Protip: When stuff appears on CWCipedia, we put it there. Clyde in all likelyhood. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:09, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Then the troll failed in completely capturing Chris's fail. The comic is actually well done and funny. But in all seriousness, i'm starting to thinkg that its alec after seeing th sonichu 11 page here.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 00:14, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

nah, the style is different, take for example the sonichu revolution pages, they are more blunt and the chris chan character ends up being the lazy jerk he usually is, while his characters are more kind and/or dumber than usual. This one has chris chan acting with reason, and focuses more onto the sonichus, and how they should really react on theyr miserable lives, on the other hand, this does go with someof the plans i've read around the CWCipedia.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 00:24, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

It was originally done by a PVCC poster, and appeared there first. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:34, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:It's hilarious. I'm thinking I'll add this to the CWC blog page, with a note saying that Wikisysop's account was "hacked" and not TRUE AND HONEST. Gotta keep up appearances, you know.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 00:40, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
::Its funny until the end, when its just pretty depresing, but as realistic as it could be.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 00:54, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

== An attempt to rebuild old bridges ==

Hello friends. Embarrassed as I was by Chris's DEPLORABLE behavior concerning his latest female victim, I decided to write a letter to express my sheerest disapproval with his habitual dishonesty. Inspired by that young woman's disclosure of her correspondences, here is the letter I posted:

{{quoteboxred|From: Alec-Chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com>
To: Mayor Ian Brandon Anderson <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

Hey, Chris, it's Alec. How you doing?

Some of my fans linked me to that new girl Jackie on the cwcki, all those emails between you two. Too bad she broke the confidence you two had, I didn't think that was necessary. But I like best the part where she thinks I was you and asks you about my comics, and you respond by saying I was some guy who made a "fan-fiction" of Sonichu and have been trying to "1-up" you this whole time. Wow, Chris, way to go back on your fucking word once again. Remember when you told me you understood Asperchu was original and that it had nothing to do with Sonichu? Guess that was a lie. I'd say I am disappointed but since you've lied to me dozens of times already, this is pretty predictable. By the way, I can't really "1-up" a comic that stopped being produced for months at a time, anyway.

On a more positive note, however, I'm happy you ARE finally working on your comic again. Between all my responsibilities and my own comic, it was getting pretty stressful to try to pick up your comic for you, too. I especially like that you decided to kill Sandy (this page: http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_11/Page_27 is my favorite one). Even though you lied to Jackie repeatedly (that's why she dumped you, by the way), it's nice to see that you're now owning up to the fact that Sandy isn't your character any more than Simonla was.

Hope Patty is eating your soul,

Alec

P.S. Hey, you like God of War, don't you? Does your recent video mean you want Kratos to wear a bra? Most men don't have boobs like you do, you know.}}

I kept things positive and very cordial, as you can see; I wished to make peace. Here was Chris's reply:

{{quotebox|From: Mayor Ian Brandon Anderson <chrischansonichu@aol.com>
To: Alec-Chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com>

Shut up.}}

Following this he blocked my email (again). I wish I could say I was disheartened, but as we know this isn't the first time my olive branch has been slapped away... --[[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] 21:52, 24 April 2010 (CST)

:Alec, every time you post it's like a tiny gift from the heavens.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:04, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
::Seconded.--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 22:18, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Alec, I want you. Bad. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:29, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
: Alec, if you are ever in new york you are welcome here

== Internal Server Error 500 ==

Over the past 15min, I've noticed this error occurring more frequently. Also the site seems to be running slower today. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:35, 26 April 2010 (UTC) - observing
:Now getting worse again --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:45, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Not noticed it in any seriousness for a while --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 10:14, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

== The most retarded thing ever ==

http://cwctwitter.wikia.com/wiki/CWCville_Twitter_Wiki

and legi0n complained about ed. jesus christ. they even stole the box template that i stole from halcy :( --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 12:17, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
*A wiki for Sonichu Joke Twitters. Oh internet, you never cease to amaze.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:46, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

== CWCpedia down ==

am i the only one getting an error when trying to enter cwcpedia? has chris taken the page down?[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 11:20, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
:Chris can't take it down. It's just 110MB being stupid again.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 14:44, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

== A Question... ==

Has anyone here thought of trying to send Christian a copy of "Undateable"? I think the book might break his brain... I mean, one of thing things listed in that book that makes a guy Undateable is "he plays videogames"... you all see where I'm going with this? -Keeperofthekorteenee
:This might be an idea. If you got some spare money, please send him a copy. By the way, to sign your post, you need to type the symbol "~" four times. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 01:46, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
:*This is interesting. Let me give it some thought, although to be honest Chris doesn't want to make himself more datable, he wants the ''standards of the entire eligable female population of the world to change to accomodate him''. That's why, no matter how many times people say ''Girls are the metal, boys are the magnets'' he will scream denials and complain that it ''should be'' or, alternatively, ''sometimes is'' the other way around. Chris not only does not want to improve himself, he ''actively resists'' such attempts because he is perfect and you can't improve on perfection. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:34, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
Remember when Vivian sent a book to Chris? Any book you send Chris, that isn't positive stupid advice like "How To Talk To Girls" won't make any sort of effect on him.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:54, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 
I think the Jackie emails have shown us exactly how little Chris is prepared to go through for china, I seriously doubt that he'll make as immense an improvement as giving up his precious vidya for it. Besides, he outright ''refused'' to sell any of his videogames or game systems during the Miyamoto saga, and let's keep in mind that the manchild has like 500 games and 10 game systems
No, I'm afraid Chris will forever be a virgin with rage, unless maybe he gets the chance of a free hooker again (he did accept a fatty/redhead as a potential sweetheart). [[User:Banzai881|Banzai881]] 21:22, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
:Chris is able to call the entire practice of Psychology stupid simply because it doesn't match up with his opinions on aspergers. The manchild can Mental Block shit like you wouldn't believe.
:If someone sent him the book, he would just toss it in the giant pile of crap in his room and forget about it. On the slim chance that he actually did read it he would either mental block it (Well that's just your OPINION/That's debatable) or miss the point completely (Wow! Good thing none of these apply to me, because I'm perfect). If we go for the best possible outcome here and assume he both reads it, and misses the point completely, we might get some moderate lulz if he chooses to make a video and lecture us all on how much he knows about dating, but the chances of that happening are near-zero.
:Still, if you wanna buy Chris free stuff, be my guest.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 22:07, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
To all of you... good point. I'm a bit new to mocking this idiot manchild; I'll catch up eventually... [[User:Keeperofthekorteenee|Keeperofthekorteenee]] 22:42, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 
:Welcome, friend, and enjoy the ride. I reccomend [[Chris and art]] and [[Chris and English]], two of my favs :D [[User:Banzai881|Banzai881]] 22:52, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

== Hello All ==

New user here, been browsing this excellent site for a few days now, after first hearing about Chris last year. Look forward to becoming a contributing member of CWCki, and thought I'd post here to 1. Offer my aid/support/whatever in regards to future trolling efforts (You guys have done some really excellent work, if I may say so), and 2. Let it be known that the PVCC forum is apparently having trouble in regards to getting new-user registration past the "fill in your data and submit for registration" phase (I realize that it's a private forum, and that may well be by design, but I thought I'd speak up on the off chance that it's not intentional). Anyway, I suppose that's all I have to say at the moment, so... Yeah. Hello. [[User:RobGoblin|RobGoblin]] 17:16, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

:y hello thar--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 20:01, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
:Hiii <(^_^)> [[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 01:08, 8 May 2010 (UTC)
::The PVCC registrations are being submitted, but the handling of the confirmation page is broken. It's a known issue - unlikely to be fixed soon though. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:47, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Hello Rob. And Hello CWCKi. I am another new user, and I would also like to offer my assistance as a writer/contributor as well as in any future trolling efforts. I first heard about CWC from monkeyoaaron's (sp?) Ear Rape Coffee video on the youtube. So I did a little research and found CWC's TRUE and HONEST videos of fail. I found out about the CWCki when Hells1ng920 posted his epic rant on youtube, he had a link to this website so I clicked it and it led me here, and now I'm a member, so I will talk to you all later! [[User:U2rockfan|U2rockfan]] 11:50, 8 May 2010 (UTC) (Patriot720 on Youtube)

== Performance styles ==

I have been browsing aorund the videos for a while and noticed that maybe we could add "Racist" to the performance styles as they have been relatively frequent. (the jugaloo, bunny hop video, the surfshack tito saga videos and possibly some others i may have missed).[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 01:12, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

== 500 Internal Server Error ==
Is it any better now? [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:08, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

CWCki:Community Portal

2010-05-09T05:30:18Z

Dbzqqmoar1988: /* Performance styles */

__NEWSECTIONLINK__
The Community Portal is designed to be a public forum to discuss CWCki related affairs for site wide concerns, policy, that sort of thing.

Please consult the archives to make sure your concern hasn't already been posted before:

[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 1]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 2]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 3]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 4]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 5]] 
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 6]]

== I want to warn other women ==

Hello, my name is Jackie. Jesus, I can't believe I'm doing this.

Long story short, I'm in the market for a boyfriend and I posted online, thinking I would give it a shot. I meet a guy named Christian Weston Chandler. Guess where this is going.

I didn't know anything about this guy before I met him there. I talked back and forth with him for a bit on email, got to know him a little. I didn't know he was such an internet freak. But he told me all about this cwcki site, because I wanted to know more about him and I wanted him to make a video for me. He initially refused to make a video for me because he said it "got him in trouble before". I didn't know what he meant, so he sent me here to see videos of him talking to previous girlfriends and how the nasty trolls got him in trouble for it. Mind you, he was very careful to remind me that this website is full of lies and shouldn't be trusted, despite the fact he himself sent me here.

But I respected the fact he was at least being honest with me about this online shit. Or so it seemed. I watched a bunch of his videos, got more and more disturbed by them. I questioned him on some things, like how he apparently cheated on one of his ex-girlfriends with some other girl online. As was quite insulting (but not at all surprising now that I've familiarized myself with this site), he lied to me and said it never happened. Even though he himself admitted to cheating on her in a video HE MADE.

And a bunch of other shit he lied about too. Like professing his love for me every five minutes, even though he COULDN'T REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME. Check this video out: http://www.mediafire.com/?zzivjw32mlj
I asked him to make me a video showing me his female-pleasuring skills (this was before I started to realize what a disgusting piece of shit he is), and he CALLS ME BY HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND'S NAME.

So there you go, have at it. He calls this website full of liars, but as far as I can tell he's a worthless piece of shit and this site is pretty frank about it. I'm fucking done dealing with him but I thought I'd contribute my experience as a warning to all the other women in Virginia.--[[User:JaxRomy|JaxRomy]] 12:24am, 22 April 2010 (EST)

:* Hello Jackie, and welcome. I am sorry you had to encounter Christian without any prior warning- the truth must be shocking and a little frightening (you know he twice tried to convince the trolls to trick him into raping someone who was [[rocky|trying to help him and only looking out for his best interests]], right?). I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say that you are most welcome here, and that your experience will be added to the massive (and growing) pile of documentation regarding this mental man and his life. Your goal of warning others is a noble one and I invite you to come, join in the documentation and study of Christian Weston Chandler. Again, you have my sympathies. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:54, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Glad to be of service! Also, if you feel like you want to, you can add a better profile for him to Dontdatehimgirl.com--there's been one up there since 4chan/SA found his comic in 2007 and it's woefully out of date. And sorry you had to put up with being in a relationship with Chris. You are also welcome to contribute any information you want.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 04:58, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Welcome, Jackie, and I apologize for the inconvenience you had in registering for a new account. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a message on my [[User talk:Champthom|talk page]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:01, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Chris chan, "cute"? Lol. Anyway, welcome. --[[User:James Lamp-Eye|James Lamp-Eye]] 05:08, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*At least Chris had the lack of sense to point you here and warn you of what you were in for if you met him. Every new bit of Chris we see is darker and more disturbing than the last. This site does little more than hold a mirror up to Chris and let his own words speak for themselves. Enjoy exploring the man-child-sized bullet you just dodged. Any and all contributions you wish to make would be most appreciated. As you can see, we "trolls" are mainly fascinated observers of the perversion of nature known as Christian Chandler. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 05:31, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Jackie, I am so sorry you had to go through this.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:58, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Welcome and we're sorry for what you had to experience with Chris. You were lucky he pointed you here so soon. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 06:01, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Welcome Jackie and thank you for sharing your experience with us. I must congratulate you on your fortitude. The video he sent you make me feel quite nauseous and it's not even aimed at me! Yes, Christian Chandler is quite the sick puppy we describe and yet your e-mails are filled with juicy details and interesting anecdotes. You have proven your value and you are most welcome here among us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:10, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Hey, there. I'm so sorry about what happened between you and Chris, but it was for the best, yes? Hope you have fun here. じゃね!--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 13:21, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

== YOU ARE FAGGOTS ==

every single last one of you. seriously. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 01:52, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
* We love you too, Clyde. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 02:05, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
:* Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 02:06, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
::* Have my babiez, plz?--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 03:24, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*I want you inside me, Clyde. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:30, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*Oh Clyde, you're too nice. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 03:25, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*Cool.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:40, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
*Yes. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 12:47, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

== Icon Templates ==

So I've added some code to the icon templates (and even added the normal icon template code to about a third of the shirt icons) so we can toggle the text labels for the icons. I mainly forsee this being useful for the video boxes on articles, rather than having to type '''<nowiki>{{BlueRedSleeveRugby}}</nowiki> Blue & Red Sleeve Rugby''', you can type '''<nowiki>{{BlueRedSleeveRugby|text=yes}}</nowiki>''' to generate the same effect. It also allows all uses of the icon template to be easily updated, should we decided to do something like rename a shirt.

I notice that there is a lot of inconsistency on pages with videos - some use icon templates, some don't - so do partly, probably due to new icon templates having later been made. So my plan is to revisit pages with videos and update them to use the templates. My dilemma is - should the format for showing the text be: '''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text=yes}}</nowiki>''' or '''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text}}</nowiki>''' or something else? --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 23:56, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

:Oh and examples of the icons with their respective text labels can be found [[User:Anonymax/Sandbox2|here]]. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 23:59, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
:I reallllly need some feedback on this. Plz replai --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:17, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Hey mate, looks fantastic. In my position as a complete nobody I approve of this change. Going back and retroactively changing every video is gunna be interesting, however... -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:32, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:* It's a good job Anonymax. Well done- I was watching as you put them up last night, you've done a great job with them --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 22:38, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

:Well I had to make the change to the templates so the default behaviour was not to show the label - in an ideal world, the default would be to show the label. I'm currently a fan of the '''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text}}</nowiki>''' way of triggering the display of labels - and unless anyone comes up with a reason to set it a different way, I'll make some changes soon. Yes the task of going through every page with video templates is going to take some time - however, it will help make all of them consistent. We like consistency. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:58, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
:Added some more code to my sandbox version of an icon template - now the template will accept custom text:
::*'''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate}}</nowiki>''' produces {{:User:Anonymax/Sandbox}}
::*'''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|text}}</nowiki>''' produces {{:User:Anonymax/Sandbox|text}}
::*'''<nowiki>{{Icontemplate|Some Text}}</nowiki>''' produces {{:User:Anonymax/Sandbox|Some Text}}
: A more flexible solution methinks --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:32, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

:*That works well, good job --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 02:43, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
:*I think I'm happy with the [[User:Anonymax/Sandbox|sandbox example]] for icon templates and their usage - but any suggestions for improvements before I start to apply it to all templates would be good --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 14:54, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

All icon templates have been updated now. The process of editing each video page to make use of the templates is slowly underway. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 02:26, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

== Sonichu update ==

I noticed today that some troll has "updated" Sonichu 11 with some new pages. Does anybody know who is this troll?[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 00:06, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Protip: When stuff appears on CWCipedia, we put it there. Clyde in all likelyhood. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:09, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Then the troll failed in completely capturing Chris's fail. The comic is actually well done and funny. But in all seriousness, i'm starting to thinkg that its alec after seeing th sonichu 11 page here.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 00:14, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

nah, the style is different, take for example the sonichu revolution pages, they are more blunt and the chris chan character ends up being the lazy jerk he usually is, while his characters are more kind and/or dumber than usual. This one has chris chan acting with reason, and focuses more onto the sonichus, and how they should really react on theyr miserable lives, on the other hand, this does go with someof the plans i've read around the CWCipedia.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 00:24, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

It was originally done by a PVCC poster, and appeared there first. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:34, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:It's hilarious. I'm thinking I'll add this to the CWC blog page, with a note saying that Wikisysop's account was "hacked" and not TRUE AND HONEST. Gotta keep up appearances, you know.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 00:40, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
::Its funny until the end, when its just pretty depresing, but as realistic as it could be.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 00:54, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

== An attempt to rebuild old bridges ==

Hello friends. Embarrassed as I was by Chris's DEPLORABLE behavior concerning his latest female victim, I decided to write a letter to express my sheerest disapproval with his habitual dishonesty. Inspired by that young woman's disclosure of her correspondences, here is the letter I posted:

{{quoteboxred|From: Alec-Chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com>
To: Mayor Ian Brandon Anderson <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

Hey, Chris, it's Alec. How you doing?

Some of my fans linked me to that new girl Jackie on the cwcki, all those emails between you two. Too bad she broke the confidence you two had, I didn't think that was necessary. But I like best the part where she thinks I was you and asks you about my comics, and you respond by saying I was some guy who made a "fan-fiction" of Sonichu and have been trying to "1-up" you this whole time. Wow, Chris, way to go back on your fucking word once again. Remember when you told me you understood Asperchu was original and that it had nothing to do with Sonichu? Guess that was a lie. I'd say I am disappointed but since you've lied to me dozens of times already, this is pretty predictable. By the way, I can't really "1-up" a comic that stopped being produced for months at a time, anyway.

On a more positive note, however, I'm happy you ARE finally working on your comic again. Between all my responsibilities and my own comic, it was getting pretty stressful to try to pick up your comic for you, too. I especially like that you decided to kill Sandy (this page: http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_11/Page_27 is my favorite one). Even though you lied to Jackie repeatedly (that's why she dumped you, by the way), it's nice to see that you're now owning up to the fact that Sandy isn't your character any more than Simonla was.

Hope Patty is eating your soul,

Alec

P.S. Hey, you like God of War, don't you? Does your recent video mean you want Kratos to wear a bra? Most men don't have boobs like you do, you know.}}

I kept things positive and very cordial, as you can see; I wished to make peace. Here was Chris's reply:

{{quotebox|From: Mayor Ian Brandon Anderson <chrischansonichu@aol.com>
To: Alec-Chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com>

Shut up.}}

Following this he blocked my email (again). I wish I could say I was disheartened, but as we know this isn't the first time my olive branch has been slapped away... --[[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] 21:52, 24 April 2010 (CST)

:Alec, every time you post it's like a tiny gift from the heavens.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:04, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
::Seconded.--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 22:18, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Alec, I want you. Bad. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:29, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
: Alec, if you are ever in new york you are welcome here

== Internal Server Error 500 ==

Over the past 15min, I've noticed this error occurring more frequently. Also the site seems to be running slower today. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:35, 26 April 2010 (UTC) - observing
:Now getting worse again --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:45, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Not noticed it in any seriousness for a while --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 10:14, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

== The most retarded thing ever ==

http://cwctwitter.wikia.com/wiki/CWCville_Twitter_Wiki

and legi0n complained about ed. jesus christ. they even stole the box template that i stole from halcy :( --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 12:17, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
*A wiki for Sonichu Joke Twitters. Oh internet, you never cease to amaze.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:46, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

== CWCpedia down ==

am i the only one getting an error when trying to enter cwcpedia? has chris taken the page down?[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 11:20, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
:Chris can't take it down. It's just 110MB being stupid again.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 14:44, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

== A Question... ==

Has anyone here thought of trying to send Christian a copy of "Undateable"? I think the book might break his brain... I mean, one of thing things listed in that book that makes a guy Undateable is "he plays videogames"... you all see where I'm going with this? -Keeperofthekorteenee
:This might be an idea. If you got some spare money, please send him a copy. By the way, to sign your post, you need to type the symbol "~" four times. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 01:46, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
:*This is interesting. Let me give it some thought, although to be honest Chris doesn't want to make himself more datable, he wants the ''standards of the entire eligable female population of the world to change to accomodate him''. That's why, no matter how many times people say ''Girls are the metal, boys are the magnets'' he will scream denials and complain that it ''should be'' or, alternatively, ''sometimes is'' the other way around. Chris not only does not want to improve himself, he ''actively resists'' such attempts because he is perfect and you can't improve on perfection. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:34, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
Remember when Vivian sent a book to Chris? Any book you send Chris, that isn't positive stupid advice like "How To Talk To Girls" won't make any sort of effect on him.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:54, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 
I think the Jackie emails have shown us exactly how little Chris is prepared to go through for china, I seriously doubt that he'll make as immense an improvement as giving up his precious vidya for it. Besides, he outright ''refused'' to sell any of his videogames or game systems during the Miyamoto saga, and let's keep in mind that the manchild has like 500 games and 10 game systems
No, I'm afraid Chris will forever be a virgin with rage, unless maybe he gets the chance of a free hooker again (he did accept a fatty/redhead as a potential sweetheart). [[User:Banzai881|Banzai881]] 21:22, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
:Chris is able to call the entire practice of Psychology stupid simply because it doesn't match up with his opinions on aspergers. The manchild can Mental Block shit like you wouldn't believe.
:If someone sent him the book, he would just toss it in the giant pile of crap in his room and forget about it. On the slim chance that he actually did read it he would either mental block it (Well that's just your OPINION/That's debatable) or miss the point completely (Wow! Good thing none of these apply to me, because I'm perfect). If we go for the best possible outcome here and assume he both reads it, and misses the point completely, we might get some moderate lulz if he chooses to make a video and lecture us all on how much he knows about dating, but the chances of that happening are near-zero.
:Still, if you wanna buy Chris free stuff, be my guest.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 22:07, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
To all of you... good point. I'm a bit new to mocking this idiot manchild; I'll catch up eventually... [[User:Keeperofthekorteenee|Keeperofthekorteenee]] 22:42, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 
:Welcome, friend, and enjoy the ride. I reccomend [[Chris and art]] and [[Chris and English]], two of my favs :D [[User:Banzai881|Banzai881]] 22:52, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

== Hello All ==

New user here, been browsing this excellent site for a few days now, after first hearing about Chris last year. Look forward to becoming a contributing member of CWCki, and thought I'd post here to 1. Offer my aid/support/whatever in regards to future trolling efforts (You guys have done some really excellent work, if I may say so), and 2. Let it be known that the PVCC forum is apparently having trouble in regards to getting new-user registration past the "fill in your data and submit for registration" phase (I realize that it's a private forum, and that may well be by design, but I thought I'd speak up on the off chance that it's not intentional). Anyway, I suppose that's all I have to say at the moment, so... Yeah. Hello. [[User:RobGoblin|RobGoblin]] 17:16, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

:y hello thar--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 20:01, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
:Hiii <(^_^)> [[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 01:08, 8 May 2010 (UTC)
::The PVCC registrations are being submitted, but the handling of the confirmation page is broken. It's a known issue - unlikely to be fixed soon though. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:47, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Hello Rob. And Hello CWCKi. I am another new user, and I would also like to offer my assistance as a writer/contributor as well as in any future trolling efforts. I first heard about CWC from monkeyoaaron's (sp?) Ear Rape Coffee video on the youtube. So I did a little research and found CWC's TRUE and HONEST videos of fail. I found out about the CWCki when Hells1ng920 posted his epic rant on youtube, he had a link to this website so I clicked it and it led me here, and now I'm a member, so I will talk to you all later! [[User:U2rockfan|U2rockfan]] 11:50, 8 May 2010 (UTC) (Patriot720 on Youtube)

== Performance styles ==

I have been browsing aorund the videos for a while and noticed that maybe we could add "Racist" to the performance styles as they have been relatively frequent. (the jugaloo, bunny hop video, the surfshack tito saga videos and possibly some others i may have missed).[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 01:12, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

-The turning Japanese videos as well.

== 500 Internal Server Error ==
Is it any better now? [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:08, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Julie Reveals Herself

2010-05-09T05:25:32Z

Dbzqqmoar1988: /* External links */

In this transcript, '''Julie''' is revealed.

==Description==
After being deceived by [[Max]] earlier in the day, Chris retreated to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|lick his wounds]]. However, they would cross paths one last time later that night in this hour long [[Mumble]] chat, where Max continued his onslaught on the [[Chris|manchild]]. He threatened to sell Chris's [[PSN|PSN Account]] on eBay several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] as well as [[ED]]. He also threatened to send Julie back to Europe, forced Chris declare [[BILLY MAYS]] as the new mayor of [[CWCville]], and have Chris put in jail. But the icing on the cake was when Max made Chris destroy his precious [[medallion]] and shove it up his ass. After it was all said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a [[BlueSpike|little surprise]] for him.

It should be noted that [[Clyde Cash]] and several other [[The Miscreants|trolls]] were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, the trolls were disgusted and horrified with BlueSpike's evil requests of Chris. Because of these acts, the following day on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], an explosive troll war took place because of BlueSpike's actions. (See [[BlueSpike|this article]] for more information.)

==Transcript==

===eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)===
'''Max:''' Christian Chandler, hello!
 '''Chris:''' Hello.
 '''Max:''' Aw, why so down in the dumps?
 '''Chris:''' Come on, you know why.
 '''Max:''' Why? Tell me!
 '''Chris:''' Because you stole my PSN, you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
 '''Max:''' And what did you pick? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Picked Julie.
 '''Max:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' 'Cause I love her.
 '''Max:''' ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in 5 seconds: Julie or everything else.
 '''Chris:''' Wait what you say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba—what you say?
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not going to go back. No.
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Really? You sincerely mean it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, if you don't yell at me one more time you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your fangs! [''maniacal laughter''] Are you constipated? [''high-pitched squealing in delight''] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump... Oh, look out, he's reachin' Super Saiyan. You're not mad, you pathetic wimp.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry constipated sound'']
 '''Max:''' You disgust me! Oh, why don't you smack the webcam around some. You're a bitch. You're not going to get my sister that way.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get—you want me to get angry, I got angry.
 '''Max:''' That's not angry, you're a—you're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no.
 '''Max:''' No. It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, you leave it off!
 '''Max:''' Yes! eBay!
 '''Chris:''' No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no.
 '''Max:''' [''laughter''] eBay... eBay...
 '''Chris:''' No! No! Stop. Stop it.
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Stop. I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
 '''Chris:''' [''multiple sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Face it, Chris, it's mine.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not, no, no, no. No.
 '''Max:''' No matter how many times you say no like that, it's not going to change it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Say "buhbuhbyenoes."
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, repeat that?
 '''Max:''' Say that "I'm a homo."
 '''Chris:''' [''grudgingly and incoherently''] ermnahomo...
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
 '''Chris:''' [''muffled''] ermahomo...
 '''Max:''' Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
 '''Chris:''' I'm a hommomu-
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Eithe—then say it louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''screams''] I AM A HOMO!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no!
 '''Max:''' [''mockingly''] No, that's not okay, mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
 '''Chris:''' No. You have got—No no no! No, don't you dare!
 '''Max:''' Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind.
 '''Chris:''' ...rrRRRRGHHH YOU FUCKING SUCK SO HARD!
 '''Max:''' And you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong, prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry muffled noise'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, I'm making the manchild—are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna—you're, you're just, you just really are dumb. It-it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No! No! No!
 '''Max:''' [laughing] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' You leave it off of eBay.
 '''Max:''' eBay! Yes, yes.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' STOOOOOP!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
 '''Chris:''' Stop it, I dunno, look, look, look—
 '''Max:''' Alright, listen, listen, look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You're not putting it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your fangs?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Stop.
 '''Max:''' No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. eBay. Look, eBay. [''keys clicking''] eBay dot com.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Stop!
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop! What do you want?
 '''Max:''' I want to sell your PSN on the—
 '''Chris:''' [''pitch rising, he's getting desperate''] I, I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme, gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it—
 '''Max:''' No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN if you pick Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Look, please. Alright fine, listen, listen—
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No stop, stop, just listen to me, please.
 '''Max:''' Umm, how should I label this? Oh! A thousand dollars worth of PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Stop! Stop!
 '''Max:''' Hacked by Max Milvana.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop.
 '''Max:''' Starting bid... a hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
 '''Max:''' I can have it?
 '''Chris:''' But just, but just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Okay!
 '''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just, just leave it off eBay please!
 '''Max:''' It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause, sigh''] Yes, but please just don't sell it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why.
 '''Chris:''' Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
 '''Max:''' I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
 '''Chris:''' How many gigabytes does your PlayStation 3 have?
 '''Max:''' What? I think it's like an 80 gigabyte, it came with ''Metal Gear Solid'', so...
 '''Chris:''' [''self-satisfied sigh''] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than 80 gigabytes I'll tell you what.
 '''Max:''' Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff?
 '''Max:''' Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Let's see...I think I might have a friend in New Brunswick that wants this, I don't know.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No.
 '''Max:''' Where's my phone, oh here it is. [''dials'']
 '''Chris:''' Listen, listen, you, you, you keep my account, okay, you keep my account and—
 '''Max:''' And I'll put it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' —leave it alone. No.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake and he's going to defile your name.
 '''Chris:''' No, leave it off, no, no. No!
 '''Max:''' I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] I'm going to give it to 4-cent-garbage and Encyclopedia Dramatica. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that, they're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, stop, stop.
 '''Max:''' Donation: $1000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
 '''Chris:''' [''getting louder''] No just stop just sto—p!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, why don't you yell some louder, why don't you yell, why don't you wake the dead with your howl, like... Come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
 '''Max:''' You, you yell like a pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, yell louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
 '''Max:''' Uh-oh. I won't like you when you're mad. Oh, wait, I do because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
 '''Chris:''' Alright...
 '''Max:''' Suck my dick.
 '''Chris:''' How can I do you—how can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
 '''Max:''' I'll go all the way to Virginia. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to the Game Place, apologize to the manager, and suck HIS dick, and I want you to record it, and put it on YouTube.
 '''Chris:''' Aaaaah. Please, don't be, don't be such a meanie.
 '''Max:''' Oh, "meanie"? Fuck you! Suck your manager's dick.
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, listen, alright, listen, just listen.
 '''Max:''' Listen to what?
 '''Chris:''' Max, Max you are a great being, you are, you're a humble person, please. I'm only a lowly—I'm only a lowly servant among your tressels.
 '''Max:''' [''disbelieving''] Wha...uh...
 '''Chris:''' I only ask you, I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
 '''Max:''' Sh-shut up! You can have, you can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
 '''Chris:''' But listen, I—
 '''Max:''' No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, stop, look, I'm putting myself—I'm putting yourself on your mercy here, please just leave my, just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance you fucking monkey! [''squeaks/laughs''] Alright, you—stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like Michael Jackson.
 '''Chris:''' [''makes panting sounds, presumably dancing'']
 '''Max:''' [laughing] Oh, what the fuck? Oh, don't, no, don't, oh, no more! No more. When you grabbed your crotch, that was enough. Hey Chris, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, thousand dollar worth PSN account hacked...I'm going to start the bid at five hundred dollars.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] You win. Win. I give up.
 '''Max:''' What? I win? It's mine?.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please?
 '''Max:''' It's gone.
 '''Chris:''' Look, you can have it, you can—
 '''Max:''' I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with the cat crap you slip on. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Chris holds Max at Duck point (11:16-14:00)===
'''Max:''' What are you going to do, mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man? You fucking pussy. Come on. No, no, "but" nothing, you're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No...
 '''Max:''' No, sit right there, like a bitch, you stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there, you ''are'' a bitch. You've got a big old set of... ovaries... NO! NO, NO! DON'T! Ok. Ok. Ok. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you pedo...fork. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actu—
 '''Max:''' Don't...
 '''Chris:''' —nothing was actually exposed.
 '''Max:''' Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just, just don't.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' That's where I cross the line.
 '''Chris:''' Fine. That's wh-, selling, selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line.
 '''Max:''' Well its going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line...
 '''Max:''' No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it any more, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woo-hoo!
 '''Chris:''' Look, okay, no, listen, stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You take it off of Ebay and I'll pull my pants back up—
 '''Max:''' No. It's, it's already on Ebay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute? There's something behind you, move so that I can see behind you... Oh! That's the cup from Target, isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What is it then?
 '''Chris:''' It's the...it's a McDonald's tea cup!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some man-tits going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for one dollar.
 '''Chris:''' Wait. What?
 '''Max:''' And if you fucking start with me one more time it's going on eBay for a dollar.

===No Julie, Dance like a Gay Man(14:00-15:38)===
'''Max:''' Hey, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' I actually... I'm not going to send Julie over there anyway. I'm not going to help her to see you.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. You stop. Y-y-y-we had an agreement. I picked Julie!
 '''Max:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping.
 '''Chris:''' No! You-you help her over here...
 '''Max:''' [''drowning out Chris''] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can positively disgust you?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, which you already do, so...
 '''Chris:''' Look, please, I'm, I'm begging, I'm begging you, I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please—
 '''Max:''' No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick, and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' How about, Chris—
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself, I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' I can't even see you.
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' ...Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance, for my amusement. Dance like a gay man.
 '''Chris:''' [makes shuffling sounds]
 '''Max:''' Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like...Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
 '''Chris:''' No, Goodwill.

===Medallion or PSN?(15:38-18:14)===
'''Max:''' Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your medallion?
 '''Chris:''' [''exasperated sigh''] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it.
 '''Max:''' Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion, and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or, no, no, no. I'm not going to give you that... Uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
 '''Chris:''' I might—
 '''Max:''' You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' What about Julie?
 '''Max:''' You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN, then you won't get Julie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, I'm getting it.
 '''Max:''' Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you shithead, I'm not.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here...
 '''Max:''' Oh, oh! And one, one more thing? Hey Chris, I want—I want you to jizz on it before you burn it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Jizz?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and, oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute. What does jizz mean?
 '''Max:''' Oh, "what does jizz mean?" I'm telling you to mass debate on it, you stupid dick.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly, really quickly Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. Can you do this? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it loud.
 '''Chris:''' Billy Mays?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, Billy Mays. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Who the hell is he? 
 '''Max:''' Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN!
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can.
 '''Chris:''' [''more silence'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, autism mental block. What, what the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides soldier.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I don't want my PSN any more. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care.
 '''Max:''' Alright, I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' Go ahead.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)===
'''Max:''' Chris. Do what I want...or I'm not going to send Julie over there, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' That's a good boy.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're sending Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, if you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs, "Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville." Come on. Do it!
 '''Chris:''' [''in a droning voice''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Louder, you fucking pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''slightly louder''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Stop saying it in your fucking dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighs, raises his voice''] Billy Mays IS the new Mayor of CWCville!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail! CWCville jail."
 '''Chris:''' And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail.
 '''Max:''' "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.
 '''Chris:''' Where he will be raped by a bunch of...nnniggos.
 '''Max:''' [''giggling''] No, say "niggers" you stupid twat.
 '''Chris:''' Niggers.
 '''Max:''' Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''loudly''] Niggers.
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Louder.
 '''Chris:''' Don't...don't trust them new niggers over there!
 '''Max:''' No! No, shut up. You ruined that fucking joke. Now, Chris. I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it... No, no, no, no, no. Mass debate on it first, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''voice shaking''] I'd rather just burn it please...
 '''Max:''' No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of stress!
 '''Max:''' Well, I know, I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just think of men's dicks, that'll probably help.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [laughing] Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Just the opposite!
 '''Max:''' Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, men's balls, sorry, men's balls.
 '''Chris:''' That's not the opposite, I—that's not the opposite too.
 '''Max:''' You're right. Men's butts.
 '''Chris:''' [''enraged''] THAT IS EVEN WORSE!
 '''Max:''' Oh, you're right. Men's faces.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry growling noises'']
 '''Max:''' Those persuasive eyes, they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming''] THEY ARE NOT—YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD! I HAVE TO PICTURE A WOMAN!
 '''Max:''' You're gonna stick it in your, you're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt, oh oh, what what, in the butt!

===Losing the plot (20:40-22:03)===
'''Max:''' Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there where I can see it.
 '''Chris:''' [''pissed off''] I gotta get a match or something.
 '''Max:''' Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned. You fucking dick, I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third degree burn. [''screaming''] I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER! Oh, and after, after you, uh, after you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''silence'']
 '''Max:''' How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time?
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Hey Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''still silence'']
 '''Max:''' Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt, make your choice.
 '''Chris:''' [''silence'']
 '''Max:''' Ahh, interrogating autistics, it's so easy, it's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy.
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Christian, if you don't answer me within the next five seconds I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Alright there, I guess, hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me.
 '''Max:''' [''the worst girl voice ever''] Oh no!
 '''Max:''' Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic, before I bust a fucking cap...or something.
 '''Chris:''' [''silence'']
 '''Max:''' Jerk. I mean, you are a jerk.
 '''Chris:''' [''rustling'']

===Wut wut?(22:03-35:20)===
'''Max:''' Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have five seconds before I fucking send my, uh, you have five seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe... 5... 4... 3-2-1-oh, too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me Chris, I have to tell you one thing first, you have an alternative. Are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Now you have an alternative: either burn it, or shove it up your butt. [''mocking''] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do?
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' You're gonna...you're going to shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other.
 '''Max:''' No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it.
 '''Chris:''' You're going to see this.
 '''Max:''' What are you going to show me? What the, what are you going to show me? No, no, no, no, if you burn it I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it I'll send Julie back to Europe... Don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' Alright, shove it up your—
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to shove it up my butt...but I have to divide it.
 '''Max:''' No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
 '''Chris:''' You want me to shove it up my butt the whole thing?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and don't, and don't take it out, just shove it up until... Do it in a video.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rustling'']
 '''Max:''' And make sure you take pictures!
 '''Chris:''' [''more rustling'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, get this! [''laughing'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing'']
 '''Max:''' Actually Chris, Chris, no, no, no, I decided, yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky, you have to cut it up first, so yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Uhhh-
 '''Max:''' No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Just let me cut it.
 '''Max:''' Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting...
 '''Max:''' [''slips into his Massachusetts accent''] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh, no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' How does it feel?
 '''Chris:''' Harsh. Cold.
 '''Max:''' [''mocking''] "Cold."
 '''Chris:''' Heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, me? I'm heartless?
 '''Chris:''' No. This act, I'm calling it heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' While you're thinking, this will help, call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can.
 '''Chris:''' You fucking douchebag!
 '''Max:''' You suck. You suck...niggerdicks. I have a nigger, you know, I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Alright, so you said "yes." I'll call him. Hey Darnell, Darnell, come over here.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said no!
 '''Max:''' This guy wants to suck your dick!
 '''Chris:''' I said NO!
 '''Max:''' Well, I think Darnell is too, umm, I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to.
 '''Chris:''' I said, I said, I said NO.
 '''Max:''' No you didn't, I, I heard yes, Darnell, Darnell I think he said "yes." He said "yes," Darnell. Yes.
 '''Chris:''' I said no! I said no!
 '''Max:''' Um, fine, shit all over your butt, whatever. Darnell's going to watch though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing, grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this, also while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No, this is bad enough.
 '''Max:''' Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Alright fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No problem, I've got the camera on.
 '''Max:''' So, wait, you're recording this too?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Oh, God! You're recording it, AND you're showing it live. Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on Skype.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Wait, are you recording it right now?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' OK, so yeah the camera saw you cutting?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Alright, that's... wonderful. [''laughs''] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt, can you say one thing?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, system beep''] Can I talk to Julie?
 '''Max:''' After you do this, yes.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my rump.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass."
 '''Chris:''' Up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Hey Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!" okay? You have to do this or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there and while you do it say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''singing''] I see a [''unintelligible''] of a man, it's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [''laughing''] Come on, hurry up. Oh! God it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh Goddammit. Oh Goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
 '''Chris:''' Maybe.
 '''Max:''' No, no, really. Tell me the, tell me the truth. Did you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Whatever, just, just, yeah, put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just, just, just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long please. [''laughing''] Insert Rod A into Slot B. Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [''laughing''] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up, shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE! Yes, yes. Please! Please do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!?
 '''Chris:''' [''groan''] I'm tired.
 '''Max:''' No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out.
 '''Chris:''' [''uncomfortable groaning'']
 '''Max:''' How does this make you feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''grunt''] Miserable.
 '''Max:''' How miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Totally miserable.
 '''Max:''' Oh really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Well, that's too bad!
 '''Chris:''' [''grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, you sound like Chewbacca's taking a shit. [''does a Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Chris:''' [''does his own Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, no. Just, just, just shut up. Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I stop what?
 '''Max:''' I said shut up, don't, don't even ruin Chewbacca.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You miserable pile of dick. Err, oh God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor Sonichu is going to look like Brownichu.
 '''Troll:''' BLUESPIKE! NO. MORE.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Brown stain Sonichu, with the power to cha-
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking groaning''] Keep going.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Bluespike, stop that shit.
 '''Troll 3:''' This is awful.
 '''Max:''' [''background noise of small dog barking and door shutting'']
 '''Chris:''' [''groaning''] It don't wanna go in.
 '''Max:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' It don't wanna go in. In there.
 '''Max:''' Then keep trying. Make some room in there.
 '''Troll:''' Bluespike, stop this shit.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful grunt'']
 '''Troll:''' Stop it. Really.
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine. Stop.
 '''Chris:''' Stop?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Don't take 'em out though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright.
 '''Max:''' Now pull your pants up.
 '''Chris:''' One second.
 '''Troll:''' Blue, let him...
 '''Max:''' Yo Chris, this is what I strive for, watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing now that I've seen it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' Blue, tell him he can take it out.
 '''Troll:''' God dammit, Bluespike. God damn.
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Be right back, excuse me.
 '''Max:''' Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man?
 '''Chris:''' I just want to wash my hands!
 '''Max:''' No no no, you can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands I will not send Julie to Europe.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You cannot wash your hands.
 '''Chris:''' I can go wash my hands?
 '''Max:''' No, no, I said don't! Don't!
 '''Chris:''' Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

===Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)===
'''Max:''' How does it feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Terrible.
 '''Max:''' Really? How terrible?
 '''Chris:''' Ass-stinkingly terrible.
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
 '''Chris:''' No, this is enough.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, you're not the one making the choices.
 '''Chris:''' [''long sigh''] Enough.
 '''Max:''' Chris how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm...
 '''Chris:''' Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots. You fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do. What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do?
 '''Chris:''' What do I want to do?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, no, no, no, I mean, what could you do that might amuse me.
 '''Chris:''' What could I do that might amuse you...
 '''Max:''' I have a good idea Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Actually I just thought of something.
 '''Max:''' No, no, I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Well, I don't, I told you I can't, I could not find any matches at this time.
 '''Max:''' No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the—go to the store and get some matches then.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [''sings''] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—"
 '''Max:''' No! Shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up! [''laughs''] Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up! I have a good idea. Burn your house down.
 '''Troll:''' God dammit, you idiot!
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not going to burn my house down.
 '''Max:''' Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming.
 '''Chris:''' I just want Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] If I burn my house down then we, then she won't have a place to come to.
 '''Max:''' You have a point, you have a point. Chris there is something, there is something...
 '''Troll:''' Bluespike. Stop it.

===Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)===
'''Max:''' Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the Mumble, Julie's going to talk to you there.
 '''Troll:''' 10 points.
 '''Troll:''' Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
 '''Troll:''' Augh, BlueSpike...
 '''Chris:''' No, unfortunately I cannot—
 '''Max:''' No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there.
 '''Chris:''' I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it—
 '''Max:''' Then use the PSeye, that's the only chance you have.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not, I'm gonna tell Julie, I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure its you.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Fine.
 '''Max:''' Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the PSeye, get the PSeye...
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, hang on.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSeye.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna kick you in the PSeye, you don't shut up.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSeye.
 '''Max:''' You better. Or I'm gonna have to drop your ass.
 '''Chris:''' No. Just sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSeye. Alright?
 '''Max:''' Fine. Yes. And make sure it works before you come in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' If I may say one thing, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm just trying to find, I'm just trying to do a, I just proving I can do most anything for my true love.
 '''Max:''' Alright, then, get in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm gettin', alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here.
 '''Max:''' Gonna kick you in the twist-tie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, then long silence''] Working on this.
 '''Max:''' What's on the TV, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I've just turned it on to the Cartoon Network, whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it anyway. Alright, I'm tryin' for you, tryin' to make this work. [''heavy sigh, then more silence''] Walter Grisby, do...I'm testing, I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in.
 '''Max:''' Does it work?
 '''Chris:''' [''snippy''] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware, it's waiting to find software for this hardware.
 '''Max:''' Software for the hardware?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. That's what I just said, software for the hardware.
 '''Max:''' Yes...
 '''Chris:''' The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software.
 '''Max:''' And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work, the Hey You Pikachu mike.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Still didn't hear you, what did you say?
 '''Max:''' And you don't have any other microphone that works.
 '''Chris:''' At this time I do not.
 '''Max:''' You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Chris? Chris!
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' What're you doing, taking a dump?
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] No, I'm trying to chair around so I can [''unintelligible''] on the radio!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] You're so fuckin' whiny!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowned out by Max briefly''] ...behind me! It could, it could fall on to me any second!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I hope it does!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking sigh''] What's wrong now, Chrissy?
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Let me tell you something, I've still got the, I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts!
 '''Max:''' I wasn't...I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about asking you to burn your house down. I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' There.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Apology accepted?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes.
 '''Max:''' Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here, I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''sigh''] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad.
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not working fast enough!
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can't help this computer's speed!
 '''Max:''' Do you know how to get the mike working?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get a mike working!
 '''Max:''' I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying?
 '''Chris:''' [''whines''] I'm trying!
 '''Max:''' Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour.
 '''Chris:''' Hold on a second.
 '''Max:''' We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy.
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait...
 '''Max:''' Well, what're you going through? Audio wizard?
 '''Chris:''' I got something working.
 '''Max:''' What would that be?
 '''Chris:''' A mike.
 '''Max:''' So it's working?
 '''Chris:''' It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Julie will meet you there. [''suppressed laugh''] Goodbye.

===Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)===
'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, hi, hi, I'm gonna put my earphones on.
 '''Julie:''' Hi.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey!
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie?
 '''Julie:''' There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Julie:''' Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, yes, go ahead and tell me now.
 '''Julie:''' Do you really wanna know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' [''sigh''] I can't, not right now.
 '''Chris:''' C'mon, please?
 '''Julie:''' No. I can't.
 '''Chris:''' Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you, just now.
 '''Julie:''' Why, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart.
 '''Julie:''' Oooh, this is so hard for me to say.
 '''Chris:''' You love me, don't you.
 '''Julie:''' I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't...I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes?
 '''Female troll:''' Blue, he's not there.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Fuck!
 '''Troll:''' Give him some time.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Yeah, I came back now, I won-, I wonder what happened there.
 '''Julie:''' I don't know. But this is...can you talk with the fans for like five minutes? And then I'll tell you, please?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, could you...
 '''Julie:''' Actually, no, no, I'm ready to tell you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Julie:''' This whole time, Chris...you've been having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you sick fuck!
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. I'm a 13-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to Chris Hansen, you fuckin' pedofork, so you better get the fuck out now.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Now wait a minute—
 '''BlueSpike:''' I'd hurry.
 '''Chris:''' I did not, I did not know you were a 13-year-old.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Fine, I'll le-
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me, Chris, now, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. Wait. Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip, now I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] How do you explain...
 '''BlueSpike:''' There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [''whispers''] She died five years ago. Who have you been talking to? A boy! Tell me, Chris. You know, I...yes. Please do speak.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, what do you want me to tell you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a 13-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do.
 '''Chris:''' [''shell-shocked monotone''] I do not.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me?
 '''Chris:''' I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you, if you really want your self-dignity, if you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' So what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone?
 '''Chris:''' It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh''] Fine, how about this, I take a—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait, first of all, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' What up?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes... He finally found out he was, I expected a bit more of a shitstorm, that he's been having sex with a 13-year-old boy like a sick fuck.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[''mocking kiddie voice''] A boyfriend-free girl! Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number.
 '''Clyde:''' Hello, hello Chris, on that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone, we were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But...
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, there is.
 '''BlueSpike:''' ...there was, but she died.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, we'll have to go with the "died" part, she was actually in Ohio, but...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Let me tell you something, Chris, about the wildfires I told you about, that truly was the one you started now.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing...
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, this is going kinda crazy, I mean, you sounded like a 13-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that...
 '''Chris:''' I thought, I thought she, I thought...
 '''BlueSpike:''' How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' You just sound, I know what a woman sounds like! [''explosion of disbelief from all listeners'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, no, no, no, no, shut the fuck up and let me talk to him, shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want, do you want your PSN back?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, c'mon, please?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, it's gonna be sold.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay, I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your PS3. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow. But it was all fake. It was all, all fake.
 '''Troll:''' I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris...
 '''Troll:''' [''talking over BlueSpike''] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker, shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole internet life has been a lie. There are no Sonichu fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen?
 '''Chris:''' I'm listening.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me...
 '''Troll:''' Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times, what is this, the ninth time so far?
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think it's the tenth, actually.
 '''Troll:''' Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [''chorus of "JULAAY" from the trolls'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie, you disgust me...
 '''Troll:''' And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty [''fades out'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. "Gimme back my account you fucking dick!"
 '''Troll:''' Look, Chris, you can appeal to your, what's left of your fans, at least...
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not crying!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you are, you pathetic fuck.
 '''Chris:''' I am not!
 '''Troll:''' Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike, you're a little too mean...well, whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You're right. If I may inform you, Chris, I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase?
 '''Troll:''' That is true, but there's also...oh, yeah, that's hilarious! Anna, by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it...
 '''Troll:''' You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times. And you still believed...
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''mocking''] "I believe you, because I've heard your honest and true voice!"
 '''Chris:''' [''Sigh''] Goodbye.
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think we hurt him pretty bad.
 '''Troll:''' Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I... stop the recording now?
 [''Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old Duke Nukem meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".'']
 '''Female Troll:''' Stop stop stop stop... Can I stop recording?
 [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?nzjzzkz5mmn Audio of the chat]</s> Links to virus

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Trolls]]