CWCki - User contributions [en]

RomanticLabyrinth

2010-07-05T18:17:18Z

Deep4:

[[File:Report.png|thumb|What had to be done.]]

'''An Ol' Classic Dream''', later renamed '''RomanticLabyrinth''', is the tenth animation Chris posted to [[Flipnote Hatena]]. It is essentially one of Chris's [[sex]] fantasies conveyed in Flipnote form and is, of course, completely horrifying. It is, as the name suggests, based on the [[Dreams#The_watery_maze_dream|watery maze dream]], albeit featuring ([[Chris and Censorship|censored]]) [[Duck|genitalia]] (complete with erection), nipples, and [[china]], as well as implied [[Giant Penis Comic|sex]] - note that [[Chris and the Internet|this is predictably and clearly against the rules of Flipnote Hatena]]. Chris then demands that his fellow Flipnote Hatena users shower him in literally millions of stars in order for him to post an uncensored version, which, of course, would violate the website's terms of service even ''more'' and which, regardless, no one would ever want to see.

Flipnote Hatena, being a family-friendly organization totally antithetical to Chris's perverse delusions, removed the video minutes after it went up. Fortunately for us (or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint), citizens of the [[CWCki]] were able to save an archival copy of the animation even faster, and [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] had soon mirrored it.

This animation features some of Chris's more disturbing thoughts on romance: sex is love, people fall in love from merely looking at each other, and a stranger getting visibly erect in front of you isn't creepy whatsoever. Chris probably fap on this.

==Video==
{{Infobox/Flipnote
| name = An Ol' Classic Dream
| video = {{#ev:youtube|z0iYHA41Ntk}}
| stardate = June 27, 2010
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| previous = [[Edit Me]]
| next = [[For_Women_ONLY]]
}}

==Transcript==

[''A title card appears: "An Ol' Classic Dream... 18+ Only". The 18 appears to have been [[Pedofork|hastily altered from a 13]].'']

[''A maze is displayed, showing a staircase and two dots. The dots move towards each other. The camera zooms in on the dots, and an arrow is drawn pointing to one of them, labeled "ME".'']

[''A naked, anatomically-correct male stick figure (with a censored penis) is shown wading through a watery hallway, presumably within the maze. He looks around and notices something; lines indicating surprise appear over his head. He smiles. The camera moves to the left, revealing a naked, anatomically-correct female stick figure (with censored nipples and vagina). The male stick figure's censor box grows longer, indicating an erection. A heart appears in a thought bubble above both stick figures' heads.'']

[''The stick figures are shown in a different, watery room. They move towards each other and make out. A heart appears around the two of them.'']

[''This situation is then shown to be a dream that Chris is having.'']

LOVELY WOMAN, I LOVE YOU! ♥

IF ONLY I KNEW WHO YOU ARE IN REALITY

[''Chris's signature appears above the Flipnote Chris's head.'']

TO ENJOY THIS DREAM UNCENSORED, OFFER A TOTAL SUM OF [[Chris and his Ego|FIVE MILLION]]...

STARS ☆ INCLUDING 100 GREEN, 10 RED, 10 BLUE...

5 PURPLE AND 5 ORANGE.

[[Chris and music|Music: "City in the Clouds" by Howard Drossin]]

Have a Good and Safe Day. ''Christian W. Chandler.''

== Later versions ==
[[File:ThirdLabyrinth.gif|thumb|The third and final version.]]

As any sane person would guess, the mods brought the hammer down on Chris's sex fantasy very, very quickly. And as anybody with even a casual knowledge of Chris would guess, he was less than happy. Not long after the first version was taken down, Chris put up a new version with both characters wearing hastily-drawn-on clothing (reminiscent of the edits made to [[Sonichu 8]]) and the hard-on replaced by a [[semen|strange white cloud]]. This was removed after being reported again. Chris then attempted to upload a ''third'' version, this one preceded by a long self-aggrandizing rant begging the site's administrators not to delete it and to participate in his crusade against any form of negative feedback.

{{quotebox|<nowiki>*</nowiki>I want to NOTE, the "RomanticLabyrinth" FlipNote is NOT

Inappropriate; the People are CLOTHED, THERE IS NO VIOLENCE,

THERE IS NO FLASHING! I WILL NOT BE DELETED FROM TROLLS WHO...

FALSELY REPORT MY ROMANTIC FANTASY AND MY STRAIGHTNESS AS A VIOLATION,

Just so those DANG Idiots can get away portraying me as a Homosexual Which IS WRONG!!!

Admins of F.N. Hatena who see my complaint here, please monitor ALL comments posted

anywher [sic] on F.N.H.; it is Very Difficult to Locate and Block Every Single One, Only to have them

create NEW Accounts ONLY TO Continue Trolling Me Like They've done so far. And please

allow me to keep my account on F.N.H. and allow my RomanticLabyrinth to Stay as my

Own FlipNote On the Hatena in the name of MY Right to speak of myself for myself and

Not be described by False Rumors fabricated by the Trollin' Stupid People.

Thank You. Peace, Christian Weston Chandler.}}

The second version followed after the text. The mods deleted this one so quickly that nobody was actually able to see the video on its own page. Its thumbnail is all the evidence we have that it ever existed at all.

[[Category:Flipnote Hatena]]

Semen

2010-06-19T04:43:35Z

Deep4:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCcomeuppancemedallion.JPG|thumb|right|250px|The closest [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] will ever get to touching the [[Medallion|Medallion of Fail]].]]

'''Semen''' is the fluid secreted by the gonads of males to impregnate females. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] has many misconceptions about its purpose.

Despite being "honest" about sex, Chris is sometimes uncomfortable saying "semen" and occasionally uses his own unique bowdlerized terms, such as "'''comeuppance'''" or "'''navy'''."

==Comeuppance==

In the context of sex (especially oral) with his TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]], Chris refers to DROPPIN' FUCKIN' LOADS as "comeuppance," as seen here:

{{quote|Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a virgin, I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I '''feel my comeuppance''' [emphasis added] and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. |Chris, "My First Time"<ref>[[Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]]}}

Chris presumably coined the term because a) ejaculate is called "come," b) it goes "up" when it comes out of his bent [[duck]], and c) he's an idiot. However, this created a shitstorm when his sex tapes dropped, because Webster's defines comeuppance as "a deserved rebuke or penalty" <ref>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/comeuppance</ref>. While Chris most likely heard this word and thought it would make a clever euphemism for "cum", the true meaning and its context seems to suggest an eerie Freudian slip.

===A tasty treat===
Chris believes that whatever he eats changes the flavor of semen, which may have some basis in fact.<ref>http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste---10-Simple-Tips-For-Better-Tasting-Semen&id=164106</ref> However, what makes this ridiculous is that Chris thinks his semen will taste ''exactly'' like whatever he eats. He has indicated that he would strive for flavored comeuppance so his sweetheart/cum dumpster would savor the taste. In the sex tape audio, Chris presented the following scenario to [[Panda Halo]]:

{{quote|I would have eaten so much [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|chocolate]], that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that.|Chris <ref>[[Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted]]</ref>}}

In subsequent chats with [[Julie]], this fantasy was revised so that his comeuppance would taste like strawberries. Chris undoubtedly gobbles tons of sweets every day as a contingency in case he happens to unexpectedly find true love.

Coincidentally, sweets and other unhealthy foods are known to make semen taste even worse than usual. Chocolate is one of the worst offenders.

==Recycling==

{{quote|Mmm! Goes down salty.|Chris}}

Another tidbit revealed in the sex tapes was that when Chris [[mass debate|masturbates]] he makes sure to ejaculate into a [[Fapcup|plastic cup]], to avoid making a mess.<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke]]</ref> Shortly after this news broke, talk began to grow that Chris actually drinks from this cup.

The initial assumption, given Chris's hard stance on [[homos]], was that Chris was a devout, fundamentalist Christian and therefore had a rigid interpretation of the Biblical story of Onan<ref>http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2205/what-exactly-was-the-sin-of-onan</ref> (This was before we found out Chris wouldn't know anything about the Bible unless he heard it on ''[[Family Guy]]''). Eventually the real reason was discovered: Chris believes that by ingesting his own sperm he can "recycle" it, so that none of his potential children are lost. That's right: Chris believes life begins at ejaculation.

For a time there was no concrete evidence to support this outrageous claim, so Chris wisely decided to confirm it as fact. Multiple times.

[21:08] [11:36:35 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: have you ever tasted your own semen
[21:08] [11:37:42 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: KEEP IT SECRET, but I actually have; I recycle my semen
until I get together with my Sweetheart (you) for the first time.
[21:08] [11:38:10 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: ohhhh.. so that's why you do it in a cup
[21:08] [11:38:38 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: yes; after recycle, I rinse the cup and dispose of it.
[21:10] [11:40:03 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: where did you come up with the idea of swallowing
your own semen to recycle it after you cummed? Was it on a sex site or your own idea?
[21:10] [11:40:13 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: MY OWN IDEA.
[21:12] [11:41:23 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: IMHO, it's often unsatisfying to me upon swallowing,
because it's not being truly enjoyed by my Sweetheart.

FACT: If swallowing is "often unsatisfying" for Chris, that means that sometimes [[homo|it ''is'' satisfying]].

Not convinced? Try this:

{{quote|Uh, no, I don't think so, uh, because I've done that [drinking semen after masturbating], it's called "recycling it." Yeah, so it's basically recycling so, like uh, so he doesn't necessarily lose it. I mean, 'cause you know, if you think of it as a waste if you banged it out and then you, uh and then you flushed it down the commode or leave it in the condom in the garbage can...Though personally, I've been getting sick of swallowing my own, so lately I've been disposing of them.|Chris, Mumble chat, 17 February 2009}}

[[Image:Recycle.jpg|thumb|right|Yes, he really does it...]]

In case you still don't believe it, Chris made a [[April 16 Fetish Vids|video]] for [[Ivy]] of himself drinking his jizz, which [[Clyde Cash]] leaked on 16 April 2009.<ref>http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html</ref> In the video, Chris explains that he doesn't have any chocolate milk handy (Ivy originally suggested Chris drink his semen with chocolate syrup in a cocktail glass), so he opted to wash it down with some orange Fanta. Coca-Cola, makers of Fanta, likely saw their stocks plummet with the news.

Just to make sure everyone on Earth knows about it, Chris later made a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video]] admitting and justifying the existence of the cum-guzzling footage.

{{quote|I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate--I'm not ashamed to admit it--as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I--yeah, into the cup and--yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, unborn children. So then I can--then I can also still have a good number of...a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it.|Chris, defending the rights of the unborn, 28 April 2009}}

Chris has some advice for all you men out there too:

{{quote|And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners...of the--their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don--if you don--if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.|Chris, giving everyone his permission to not swallow semen, 28 April 2009}}

Questions remain about his recycling plan. If he doesn't want to lose even a single unborn child, does that mean he plans to eventually father millions of children? Is he really dumb enough to believe his navy will survive digestion? (That's a rhetorical question.) And what happens to the comeuppance he wants to leave in his sweetheart's mouth—does that magically teleport back where it came from, or can women get pregnant from oral sex? Sadly, these questions will never be answered, as Chris will never actually deposit his semen anywhere except his own throat (or [[Kimmi]]'s plastic [[china]].)

In the Kacey calls, Chris has also suggested interest in drinking his semen for arousal:
{{quote|And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]], after describing how he would titfuck Kacey}}
{{Clear}}

In [[Mailbag 30]], Chris announces he [[Mailbag_30#Chris quit guzzling cum|kicked the habit]], although the validity of this statement is questionable at best, considering his [[List of Chris's lies|track record]] for telling the truth.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[April 16 Fetish Vids]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]