CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:MySpace

2012-05-14T03:51:25Z

Delabonte:

==The List==
Okay, so Clyde added his list of friends and some correspondences. Since I don't feel like formatting this, and since I can't get Quotebox to work with the list, someone do fix this. It's golden stuff and amusing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:58, 20 May 2009 (CEST)
*Also, don't edit the list aside from formatting. This is from Chris himself, the notes of "JERK", "TAKEN", etc. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:59, 20 May 2009 (CEST)
**Done. Are the two lists from different times, and what's with the 8's in the second list? [[User:Axe|Axe]] 00:35, 21 May 2009 (CEST)

==To do==
*Add text from former profile
*Some of his old blog entries from MySpace (like where he says he isn't a racist)
:*Seriously, we need to get this (Clyde can help). Some of these are scattered in other articles but they should all be brought here as well. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:02, 9 November 2009 (CET)
*Before and after hacking
*When he got hacked

-Recontructing Chris' Myspace-

<strike>*I have his 'not racist' blog saved, I'll just have to dig it up</strike>
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Chrischandiary.jpg (funny)
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Chrischanblogs.jpg (i do remember chris actually editing it to say daughter was white because he made a stupid mistake)
<strike>*Someone who isn't me should dig through the old Chris-chan archives on ED, fin 'His God Awful Myspace' And there will be a screenshot of his about me section, saying he had two HTML classes, snag it. His whole page had a similar backgriund</strike> http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc
*The image of Chris and 'Pon' that's already on this page was in his number 1 friend spot, Anna was his number 2, and Linnea (friend of Anna's/Chris') was number three with another girl for number 4. He had it configured so old pictures, via html were pasted over any curent picture they had when it displayed on his profile. (clyde: still whatever)
*His profile song was 'More Than a Feeling' (clyde: whatever)
<strike>*His pictures included him 'sexy posing' in his striped shirt, the one where he has his head tilted, the one where he has his butt to the camera (the description said 'just me showing of my bum') and the one where he was lounging in his computer chair with that crazy face, one where he is laying on the bed. The other pictures where 'Cherokee-chan' the MLP and accompanying card, Crystal MLP and accompanying card, and the Bobobo-naruto hybrid MLP and accompanying card. Also, pictures of his custom painted guitar hero guitar.</strike> We have better pictures of his fucking Shredwud now and his fucking ASS from his scrapbook which we certainly don't need. and all those other pictures

-TruthitHurts, who's a lazy fuck who doesn't want to sign their name properly

[[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 00:19, 2 November 2009 (CET), who totally redid this awesomely

::*We should still post the images that were originally in his profile, provided you can source screenshots or whatever of these profile pics. It's not a matter of reuploading them, only putting them in the article. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:36, 19 December 2009 (CET)

==Separate page for MySpace blogs?==
Thanks to some detective work seen above, we now have those two blog entries Chris wrote on his MySpace page. Now should they get a separate page or should they just be posted here - thoughts? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:36, 19 December 2009 (CET)
*By the way, I uploaded them onto the CWCki [[:Image:AfricanAmericansAsEqualsMySpace.jpg|here]] and [[:Image:IwouldntfeelcomfortableMySpace.jpg|here]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:44, 19 December 2009 (CET)

== 2011 MySpace posts ==

Chris (or at least someone who hacked his account) wrote a [http://www.myspace.com/sonichu/blog number of posts] in 2011. Why aren't they transcribed here? Is it because their authenticity may be in doubt or is it due to them simply being forgotten? -- [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] 04:04, 12 May 2012 (PDT)

*They are fake. I know this because I wrote them. They do not belong here. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 20:51, 13 May 2012 (PDT)

YouTube

2012-05-07T06:52:19Z

Delabonte:

{{quote|no description available|YouTube's official (and very appropriate) response to many of Chris's videos}}

[[Image:Youtubehacked.jpg|thumb|Chris's original YouTube channel, after it was hacked.]]
[[Image:Happybday.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and his Ego|Chris commenting on a video thinking it was meant for him.]]]]

'''YouTube''' is the primary arena in the online world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who has occasionally called it "the YouTube". Although his website may get hacked and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] might crash and [[110mb]] will suck balls, YouTube.com is always up and operational, and, up until his "final departure from the Internet" in 2010, Chris was always producing new [[Captain's Log]] [[videos]] and reacting to the videos of his [[trolls|friends]] and [[trolls|enemies]].

For Chris, YouTube is not merely a way to post videos dedicated to his alleged adoring [[fanbase]] and issue broad condemnations of trolling; it is also a communication channel. Chris has posted several videos on his YouTube channel that he apparently believes will be only viewed by the people he addressed the videos to – and that they'll view the video even when they haven't been made aware of Chris's channel. He has addressed individual trolls, individual alleged fans, [[sweetheart]]s and especially former sweethearts, journalists<ref>[[10 September 2009]]</ref> and TV shows<ref>[[For G4s Web Soup]]</ref><ref>[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|''Cleveland Show'' Voice Rant]]</ref>, local business managers<ref>[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]</ref> and other people within driving distance of his house. As of [[2009]], Chris is wary of email and other text-based forms of communication, having been burned by alleged sweethearts who turned out to have [[pickle]]s. In order to satisfy his ever-inflating [[ego]], he searches videos labeled "Chris-chan".

There's a certain beauty to the way Chris's videos are displayed to the world: The videos he wants the world to see end up on YouTube. The videos he reconsiders and deletes also end up on YouTube. The videos he sends privately to trusted [[gal pal]]s end up on YouTube. The videos he makes depicting himself in the nude usually get taken down from YouTube, but that's what SlutLoad is for. A high priority among the internet bullies is to archive every video Chris has ever made, which is fairly challenging since Chris will often DELETE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING when he thinks he's embarrassed himself or left himself open to attack.

Luckily, [[Arjen Van Dierten]] archived them on his YouTube account for prosperity of future [[lulz]]. As he has retired from this duty, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] (and several unrelated YouTubers) save Chris's videos for future generations.

==Video quality (or lack thereof)==

{{main|Chris and cinematography}}

[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|C'mon! You can TOTALLY see his face!]]

When viewing one of Chris's videos, one of the first things the viewer will notice is the '''excruciatingly''' poor quality of his video. One of his major flaws as a cameraman is lighting; any amateur cinematographer would know that if he's recording a video indoors, he would turn the lights on, but Chris doesn't adhere to this basic rule. As a result, almost all videos recorded indoors have a sickly greenish-yellow tinge to them. Also, due to this, almost every video suffers from blurriness thanks to the lack of proper lighting.

Whenever Chris is recording, he seems to fail to grasp the basic object of "focus"; to make sure that the camera is appropriately trained on whatever it is he is trying to film. As such, whenever he is filming, he is often way out of center. It also doesn't help that he often adjusts the camera angle without regards to what his audience will see, which means that you can't even see what it is he's filming. For a very good example, when Chris was [[Secret Weapon|gloating]] about the picture of [[Clyde Cash]] he had found online, he was holding it far too close to the camera's lens, so that you never really do get to look at the picture as a whole.

Chris also seems to lack any basic video editing skills, be it pre- or post-production. Whenever he needs to put text in a video, he chooses to write it down on a piece of paper and record it with his camera. Almost any basic video editing software, even [[Wikipedia:Windows Movie Maker|Windows Movie Maker]], has an option to display computer-generated text within the video and in the occasions that he needs to insert a TV clip, he instead opts to record directly from the TV screen, even though it would be far more prudent to insert the clips in via editing.<ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref>

What makes this all pathetic is that [[Common_Questions#15_January_2010|Chris chooses to blame these flaws on his equipment]], when anyone as devoted to video blogging as himself would choose a far superior and more devoted option than the [[PSEye]] camera, and buy the basic essentials such as a tripod, as well as some decent video editing software such as [[Wikipedia:Sony Vegas|Sony Vegas]]. But that would leave him without money to spend on [[Sex toys|other things]].

==Chris's YouTube accounts==

===Sonichu ([[May 2007]] - [[September 2008]])===
Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL YouTube account was [http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu Sonichu], created on 08 May 2007. The account originally served to host the trailer for his [[DVD]], his [[Future Message]], and the clips of himself on the evening news.

Following his discovery of the ED page in [[November 2007]], Chris began using the account to post videos arguing against ED's [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], and by [[August 2008]] it had become the base of operations for his war against all of ED. The Sonichu account was hacked during a massive ED counteroffensive on 11 September; Chris deleted the account, apparently hoping to escape from the trolls under a new username.

===CChan6789 ([[September 2008]] - [[March 2009]])===
Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789 CChan6789] on 18 September 2008, and abandoned it on 30 March 2009. This account saw many of the most famous and classic Chris-chan moments, including him [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]] and [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|raging at Clyde Cash for the first time]]. Amazingly, CChan6789 remains open with several videos still intact. According to his [[Jackie e-mails|talks with Jackie]], the only reason this account was lost was because Chris lost his password and he didn't realize that there's a ''password recovery'' function.

===CChanSonichu ([[April 2009]] - [[July 2009]])===
Although Chris abandoned CChan6789 with the intent of preventing the trolls from having new footage to mock him with, Chris returned with [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichu CChanSonichu] on 09 April 2009. This account saw even more classic Chris moments, such as him [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|admitting to drinking his jizz]]. The account was hacked on 05 June 2009, although Chris subsequently regained access and posted [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting and threatening videos]] which caused the account to be suspended on 11 July.

===IBAChandler ([[July 2009]] - [[August 2009]])===
Rather than attempt to reactivate CChanSonichu or simply reuse CChan6789, Chris immediately created [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAChandler IBAChandler] on 11 July 2009. This new username confused many faggots, requiring Chris to slowly explain thousands of times that "IBAChandler" is a pun meaning "I be a Chandler," as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers."

Chris's initial use of the IBAChandler account was to post [[Rollin' and Trollin'|a video with his new look]], claiming he was and had always been a troll posing as an autistic manchild. This resulted in the narrative that the owner of IBAChandler was an impostor named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], and that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] was in fact the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

===ChristianWChandler ([[August 2009]] - present)===
To dispel the claims he's Ian Brandon Anderson, Chris made a new account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler], which makes it clear (or so he believes) that he is Christian Weston Chandler. There is, however, no proof that he ever worked as a sacristan, or any other type of a Christian WC handler.

On 22 [[November 2010]], Chris uploaded a [[100 2357.MOV|video]] in which he announces his departure from the [[Internet]] again. After uploading this video, Chris removed all his other videos from his ChristianWChandler account, not to update again for little more than 2/3 of a year. However, after a string of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]], Chris's account was stricken again.

===ClydeGreggCashMays ([[October 2009]] - [[November 2009]]) ===
Apparently very vaguely aware that YouTube accounts that are used for blackmailing people tend to get shut down, Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/ClydeGreggCashMays ClydeGreggCashMays] to post his blackmail videos of Clyde Cash, so that in the unlikely event of YouTube noticing these prohibited activities, his main account won't get shut down. However, due to the fact that Chris's blackmailing scheme lacked any chance of success in the first place, nobody gave a damn. (The first time YouTube [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|actually reacted]] to Chris's TOS violations happened over year and a half later, during his second blackmail saga - and Chris posted these videos on his bright and shiny and law-abiding ChristianWChandler account.)

===CWCvilleProductions ([[August 2011]] - present)===
Operated by a third party, [http://www.youtube.com/CWCvilleProductions CWCvilleProductions] emerged in late [[August 2011]] as a result of Chris being banned from Youtube.

===CwcvilleGuardian ([[February 2012]] - present)===

While [http://www.youtube.com/user/CwcvilleGuardian CwcvilleGuardian] was initally created by Chris to post a comment, it has since primarily been used to favoutite My Little Pony videos. No videos have been uploaded to this account by Chris as yet.

==See also==
*[[Chris and cinematography]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary The CWCville Library]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg Vivian's home of the audiobooks.]
<s>[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC The real Christian Weston Chandler's YT account.]</s> Account Closed, Presumably by [[Liquid]].

[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]

YouTube

2012-05-07T06:51:11Z

Delabonte:

{{quote|no description available|YouTube's official (and very appropriate) response to many of Chris's videos}}

[[Image:Youtubehacked.jpg|thumb|Chris's original YouTube channel, after it was hacked.]]
[[Image:Happybday.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and his Ego|Chris commenting on a video thinking it was meant for him.]]]]

'''YouTube''' is the primary arena in the online world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who has occasionally called it "the YouTube". Although his website may get hacked and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] might crash and [[110mb]] will suck balls, YouTube.com is always up and operational, and, up until his "final departure from the Internet" in 2010, Chris was always producing new [[Captain's Log]] [[videos]] and reacting to the videos of his [[trolls|friends]] and [[trolls|enemies]].

For Chris, YouTube is not merely a way to post videos dedicated to his alleged adoring [[fanbase]] and issue broad condemnations of trolling; it is also a communication channel. Chris has posted several videos on his YouTube channel that he apparently believes will be only viewed by the people he addressed the videos to – and that they'll view the video even when they haven't been made aware of Chris's channel. He has addressed individual trolls, individual alleged fans, [[sweetheart]]s and especially former sweethearts, journalists<ref>[[10 September 2009]]</ref> and TV shows<ref>[[For G4s Web Soup]]</ref><ref>[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|''Cleveland Show'' Voice Rant]]</ref>, local business managers<ref>[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]</ref> and other people within driving distance of his house. As of [[2009]], Chris is wary of email and other text-based forms of communication, having been burned by alleged sweethearts who turned out to have [[pickle]]s. In order to satisfy his ever-inflating [[ego]], he searches videos labeled "Chris-chan".

There's a certain beauty to the way Chris's videos are displayed to the world: The videos he wants the world to see end up on YouTube. The videos he reconsiders and deletes also end up on YouTube. The videos he sends privately to trusted [[gal pal]]s end up on YouTube. The videos he makes depicting himself in the nude usually get taken down from YouTube, but that's what SlutLoad is for. A high priority among the internet bullies is to archive every video Chris has ever made, which is fairly challenging since Chris will often DELETE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING when he thinks he's embarrassed himself or left himself open to attack.

Luckily, [[Arjen Van Dierten]] archived them on his YouTube account for prosperity of future [[lulz]]. As he has retired from this duty, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] (and several unrelated YouTubers) save Chris's videos for future generations.

==Video quality (or lack thereof)==

{{main|Chris and cinematography}}

[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|C'mon! You can TOTALLY see his face!]]

When viewing one of Chris's videos, one of the first things the viewer will notice is the '''excruciatingly''' poor quality of his video. One of his major flaws as a cameraman is lighting; any amateur cinematographer would know that if he's recording a video indoors, he would turn the lights on, but Chris doesn't adhere to this basic rule. As a result, almost all videos recorded indoors have a sickly greenish-yellow tinge to them. Also, due to this, almost every video suffers from blurriness thanks to the lack of proper lighting.

Whenever Chris is recording, he seems to fail to grasp the basic object of "focus"; to make sure that the camera is appropriately trained on whatever it is he is trying to film. As such, whenever he is filming, he is often way out of center. It also doesn't help that he often adjusts the camera angle without regards to what his audience will see, which means that you can't even see what it is he's filming. For a very good example, when Chris was [[Secret Weapon|gloating]] about the picture of [[Clyde Cash]] he had found online, he was holding it far too close to the camera's lens, so that you never really do get to look at the picture as a whole.

Chris also seems to lack any basic video editing skills, be it pre- or post-production. Whenever he needs to put text in a video, he chooses to write it down on a piece of paper and record it with his camera. Almost any basic video editing software, even [[Wikipedia:Windows Movie Maker|Windows Movie Maker]], has an option to display computer-generated text within the video and in the occasions that he needs to insert a TV clip, he instead opts to record directly from the TV screen, even though it would be far more prudent to insert the clips in via editing.<ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref>

What makes this all pathetic is that [[Common_Questions#15_January_2010|Chris chooses to blame these flaws on his equipment]], when anyone as devoted to video blogging as himself would choose a far superior and more devoted option than the [[PSEye]] camera, and buy the basic essentials such as a tripod, as well as some decent video editing software such as [[Wikipedia:Sony Vegas|Sony Vegas]]. But that would leave him without money to spend on [[Sex toys|other things]].

==Chris's YouTube accounts==

===Sonichu ([[May 2007]] - [[September 2008]])===
Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL YouTube account was [http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu Sonichu], created on 08 May 2007. The account originally served to host the trailer for his [[DVD]], his [[Future Message]], and the clips of himself on the evening news.

Following his discovery of the ED page in [[November 2007]], Chris began using the account to post videos arguing against ED's [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], and by [[August 2008]] it had become the base of operations for his war against all of ED. The Sonichu account was hacked during a massive ED counteroffensive on 11 September; Chris deleted the account, apparently hoping to escape from the trolls under a new username.

===CChan6789 ([[September 2008]] - [[March 2009]])===
Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789 CChan6789] on 18 September 2008, and abandoned it on 30 March 2009. This account saw many of the most famous and classic Chris-chan moments, including him [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]] and [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|raging at Clyde Cash for the first time]]. Amazingly, CChan6789 remains open with several videos still intact. According to his [[Jackie e-mails|talks with Jackie]], the only reason this account was lost was because Chris lost his password and he didn't realize that there's a ''password recovery'' function.

===CChanSonichu ([[April 2009]] - [[July 2009]])===
Although Chris abandoned CChan6789 with the intent of preventing the trolls from having new footage to mock him with, Chris returned with [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichu CChanSonichu] on 09 April 2009. This account saw even more classic Chris moments, such as him [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|admitting to drinking his jizz]]. The account was hacked on 05 June 2009, although Chris subsequently regained access and posted [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting and threatening videos]] which caused the account to be suspended on 11 July.

===IBAChandler ([[July 2009]] - [[August 2009]])===
Rather than attempt to reactivate CChanSonichu or simply reuse CChan6789, Chris immediately created [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAChandler IBAChandler] on 11 July 2009. This new username confused many faggots, requiring Chris to slowly explain thousands of times that "IBAChandler" is a pun meaning "I be a Chandler," as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers."

Chris's initial use of the IBAChandler account was to post [[Rollin' and Trollin'|a video with his new look]], claiming he was and had always been a troll posing as an autistic manchild. This resulted in the narrative that the owner of IBAChandler was an impostor named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], and that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] was in fact the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

===ChristianWChandler ([[August 2009]] - present)===
To dispel the claims he's Ian Brandon Anderson, Chris made a new account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler], which makes it clear (or so he believes) that he is Christian Weston Chandler. There is, however, no proof that he ever worked as a sacristan, or any other type of a Christian WC handler.

On 22 [[November 2010]], Chris uploaded a [[100 2357.MOV|video]] in which he announces his departure from the [[Internet]] again. After uploading this video, Chris removed all his other videos from his ChristianWChandler account, not to update again for little more than 2/3 of a year. However, after a string of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]], Chris's account was stricken again.

===ClydeGreggCashMays ([[October 2009]] - [[November 2009]]) ===
Apparently very vaguely aware that YouTube accounts that are used for blackmailing people tend to get shut down, Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/ClydeGreggCashMays ClydeGreggCashMays] to post his blackmail videos of Clyde Cash, so that in the unlikely event of YouTube noticing these prohibited activities, his main account won't get shut down. However, due to the fact that Chris's blackmailing scheme lacked any chance of success in the first place, nobody gave a damn. (The first time YouTube [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|actually reacted]] to Chris's TOS violations happened over year and a half later, during his second blackmail saga - and Chris posted these videos on his bright and shiny and law-abiding ChristianWChandler account.)

===CWCvilleProductions ([[August 2011]] - present)===
Operated by a third party, [http://www.youtube.com/CWCvilleProductions CWCvilleProductions] emerged in late [[August 2011]] as a result of Chris being banned from Youtube.

===CwcvilleGuardian[http://www.youtube.com/user/CwcvilleGuardian] ([[February 2012]] - present)===

Initally created by Chris to post a comment, it has since primarily been used to favoutite My Little Pony videos. No videos have been uploaded to this account by Chris as yet.

==See also==
*[[Chris and cinematography]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary The CWCville Library]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg Vivian's home of the audiobooks.]
<s>[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC The real Christian Weston Chandler's YT account.]</s> Account Closed, Presumably by [[Liquid]].

[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]

YouTube

2012-05-07T06:50:35Z

Delabonte:

{{quote|no description available|YouTube's official (and very appropriate) response to many of Chris's videos}}

[[Image:Youtubehacked.jpg|thumb|Chris's original YouTube channel, after it was hacked.]]
[[Image:Happybday.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and his Ego|Chris commenting on a video thinking it was meant for him.]]]]

'''YouTube''' is the primary arena in the online world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who has occasionally called it "the YouTube". Although his website may get hacked and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] might crash and [[110mb]] will suck balls, YouTube.com is always up and operational, and, up until his "final departure from the Internet" in 2010, Chris was always producing new [[Captain's Log]] [[videos]] and reacting to the videos of his [[trolls|friends]] and [[trolls|enemies]].

For Chris, YouTube is not merely a way to post videos dedicated to his alleged adoring [[fanbase]] and issue broad condemnations of trolling; it is also a communication channel. Chris has posted several videos on his YouTube channel that he apparently believes will be only viewed by the people he addressed the videos to – and that they'll view the video even when they haven't been made aware of Chris's channel. He has addressed individual trolls, individual alleged fans, [[sweetheart]]s and especially former sweethearts, journalists<ref>[[10 September 2009]]</ref> and TV shows<ref>[[For G4s Web Soup]]</ref><ref>[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|''Cleveland Show'' Voice Rant]]</ref>, local business managers<ref>[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]</ref> and other people within driving distance of his house. As of [[2009]], Chris is wary of email and other text-based forms of communication, having been burned by alleged sweethearts who turned out to have [[pickle]]s. In order to satisfy his ever-inflating [[ego]], he searches videos labeled "Chris-chan".

There's a certain beauty to the way Chris's videos are displayed to the world: The videos he wants the world to see end up on YouTube. The videos he reconsiders and deletes also end up on YouTube. The videos he sends privately to trusted [[gal pal]]s end up on YouTube. The videos he makes depicting himself in the nude usually get taken down from YouTube, but that's what SlutLoad is for. A high priority among the internet bullies is to archive every video Chris has ever made, which is fairly challenging since Chris will often DELETE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING when he thinks he's embarrassed himself or left himself open to attack.

Luckily, [[Arjen Van Dierten]] archived them on his YouTube account for prosperity of future [[lulz]]. As he has retired from this duty, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] (and several unrelated YouTubers) save Chris's videos for future generations.

==Video quality (or lack thereof)==

{{main|Chris and cinematography}}

[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|C'mon! You can TOTALLY see his face!]]

When viewing one of Chris's videos, one of the first things the viewer will notice is the '''excruciatingly''' poor quality of his video. One of his major flaws as a cameraman is lighting; any amateur cinematographer would know that if he's recording a video indoors, he would turn the lights on, but Chris doesn't adhere to this basic rule. As a result, almost all videos recorded indoors have a sickly greenish-yellow tinge to them. Also, due to this, almost every video suffers from blurriness thanks to the lack of proper lighting.

Whenever Chris is recording, he seems to fail to grasp the basic object of "focus"; to make sure that the camera is appropriately trained on whatever it is he is trying to film. As such, whenever he is filming, he is often way out of center. It also doesn't help that he often adjusts the camera angle without regards to what his audience will see, which means that you can't even see what it is he's filming. For a very good example, when Chris was [[Secret Weapon|gloating]] about the picture of [[Clyde Cash]] he had found online, he was holding it far too close to the camera's lens, so that you never really do get to look at the picture as a whole.

Chris also seems to lack any basic video editing skills, be it pre- or post-production. Whenever he needs to put text in a video, he chooses to write it down on a piece of paper and record it with his camera. Almost any basic video editing software, even [[Wikipedia:Windows Movie Maker|Windows Movie Maker]], has an option to display computer-generated text within the video and in the occasions that he needs to insert a TV clip, he instead opts to record directly from the TV screen, even though it would be far more prudent to insert the clips in via editing.<ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref>

What makes this all pathetic is that [[Common_Questions#15_January_2010|Chris chooses to blame these flaws on his equipment]], when anyone as devoted to video blogging as himself would choose a far superior and more devoted option than the [[PSEye]] camera, and buy the basic essentials such as a tripod, as well as some decent video editing software such as [[Wikipedia:Sony Vegas|Sony Vegas]]. But that would leave him without money to spend on [[Sex toys|other things]].

==Chris's YouTube accounts==

===Sonichu ([[May 2007]] - [[September 2008]])===
Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL YouTube account was [http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu Sonichu], created on 08 May 2007. The account originally served to host the trailer for his [[DVD]], his [[Future Message]], and the clips of himself on the evening news.

Following his discovery of the ED page in [[November 2007]], Chris began using the account to post videos arguing against ED's [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], and by [[August 2008]] it had become the base of operations for his war against all of ED. The Sonichu account was hacked during a massive ED counteroffensive on 11 September; Chris deleted the account, apparently hoping to escape from the trolls under a new username.

===CChan6789 ([[September 2008]] - [[March 2009]])===
Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789 CChan6789] on 18 September 2008, and abandoned it on 30 March 2009. This account saw many of the most famous and classic Chris-chan moments, including him [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]] and [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|raging at Clyde Cash for the first time]]. Amazingly, CChan6789 remains open with several videos still intact. According to his [[Jackie e-mails|talks with Jackie]], the only reason this account was lost was because Chris lost his password and he didn't realize that there's a ''password recovery'' function.

===CChanSonichu ([[April 2009]] - [[July 2009]])===
Although Chris abandoned CChan6789 with the intent of preventing the trolls from having new footage to mock him with, Chris returned with [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichu CChanSonichu] on 09 April 2009. This account saw even more classic Chris moments, such as him [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|admitting to drinking his jizz]]. The account was hacked on 05 June 2009, although Chris subsequently regained access and posted [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting and threatening videos]] which caused the account to be suspended on 11 July.

===IBAChandler ([[July 2009]] - [[August 2009]])===
Rather than attempt to reactivate CChanSonichu or simply reuse CChan6789, Chris immediately created [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAChandler IBAChandler] on 11 July 2009. This new username confused many faggots, requiring Chris to slowly explain thousands of times that "IBAChandler" is a pun meaning "I be a Chandler," as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers."

Chris's initial use of the IBAChandler account was to post [[Rollin' and Trollin'|a video with his new look]], claiming he was and had always been a troll posing as an autistic manchild. This resulted in the narrative that the owner of IBAChandler was an impostor named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], and that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] was in fact the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

===ChristianWChandler ([[August 2009]] - present)===
To dispel the claims he's Ian Brandon Anderson, Chris made a new account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler], which makes it clear (or so he believes) that he is Christian Weston Chandler. There is, however, no proof that he ever worked as a sacristan, or any other type of a Christian WC handler.

On 22 [[November 2010]], Chris uploaded a [[100 2357.MOV|video]] in which he announces his departure from the [[Internet]] again. After uploading this video, Chris removed all his other videos from his ChristianWChandler account, not to update again for little more than 2/3 of a year. However, after a string of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]], Chris's account was stricken again.

===ClydeGreggCashMays ([[October 2009]] - [[November 2009]]) ===
Apparently very vaguely aware that YouTube accounts that are used for blackmailing people tend to get shut down, Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/ClydeGreggCashMays ClydeGreggCashMays] to post his blackmail videos of Clyde Cash, so that in the unlikely event of YouTube noticing these prohibited activities, his main account won't get shut down. However, due to the fact that Chris's blackmailing scheme lacked any chance of success in the first place, nobody gave a damn. (The first time YouTube [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|actually reacted]] to Chris's TOS violations happened over year and a half later, during his second blackmail saga - and Chris posted these videos on his bright and shiny and law-abiding ChristianWChandler account.)

===CWCvilleProductions ([[August 2011]] - present)===
Operated by a third party, [http://www.youtube.com/CWCvilleProductions CWCvilleProductions] emerged in late [[August 2011]] as a result of Chris being banned from Youtube.

===CwcvilleGuardian ([[February 2012]] - present)===

Initally created by Chris to post a comment, it has since primarily been used to favoutite My Little Pony videos. No videos have been uploaded to this account by Chris as yet.

==See also==
*[[Chris and cinematography]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary The CWCville Library]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg Vivian's home of the audiobooks.]
<s>[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC The real Christian Weston Chandler's YT account.]</s> Account Closed, Presumably by [[Liquid]].

[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Talk:Prank calls

2011-05-18T16:28:43Z

Delabonte:

==When were these recorded?==

Any way of knowing when they were recorded? Obviously, the latest possible date was when they were uploaded to YouTube, but it might be interesting to know what they knew or should've known about when they were on the phone. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 06:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

*the soundboard ones fall are after the kacey and liquid phone call, but the failed attempt and the liquid bob call could fit mostly anywhere in christory. Besides that there is no way to know when these were recorded.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 20:23, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

== Well at least we gained something of value ==

Based on one of these calls, the Chandlers have one of those phones that lights up instead of rings so they're not quite as bothered with the constant calls. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:11, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

== About the pranks that should be included in this page ==
* I think the only pranks that should be placed up in these pages should be the relevant ones and the ones directed at the chandler home only, so the Mary lee walsh Cole and the unsuccessful troll screaming "julaaaaaay" video shouldn't be up in this page.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 00:57, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
:* I bet they had quite a few JULAAAAAAAY calls back in the day. Do we need to list the fails amongst the win? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 01:07, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
::Calling the Chandler's up and screaming JULAAAAAAAAY is still funny, so it merits being included *somewhere*. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:09, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
:::*Anyone for splitting the page into two distinct sections? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 01:35, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
: that might be the best if you want, but i added the bob prank calls because of his tendency to yap on, he gave some more info, not like the Michael, Cole and Mary lee Walsh calls.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:37, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

* If you add every single prank call using chris chan soundboards you can find in youtube, then this page will be crowded, add only prank calls made to the chandler house.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 13:11, 21 April 2010 (UTC)
:*The ones to People in the chandler household, or major figures in Chris's life (Snyder, Mary Lee Walsh) are pretty relevant. The ones like Chris calling the golden corral and Bob calling the Department of Education are stupid, and have nothing to do with Chris.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 12:07, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
::*I'm now thinking only calls that are referenced by other pages on the CWCki/have info should be put on here. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 21:37, 28 October 2010 (PDT)

== Whistling ==

Are we sure that it was the troll who was blowing the whistle on the Epic Crazy Lady soundboard call? Some people blow a whistle into the phone when they are trying to get a prank caller or a bill collector to stop bothering them. Maybe it was Snorlax.
[[User:Squirrelbait|Squirrelbait]] 16:56, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

No, the part with the whistle was a totally different prank call where the troll used a soundboard of Bob to call a niggo who blew the whistle at Bob. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 03:37, 6 August 2010 (PDT)

==Call Bobby Chandler==

Does anyone else think that call should get it's own page? I mean, considering it reveals that Bob Chandler may be a member of the KKK, and if not at least has friends who are members, wouldn't it be considered important enough to warrant a page? [[user:Melainia|Melainia]] 14:20, 24 September 2010 (EST)
:Prank calls page is fine IMO. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:33, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:Frankly I think it's not even worth recording. There's a good chance Bob was just saying that to try and intimidate them. Besides the two were obvious idiots who just wanted e-fame. [[User:Love Paladin|Love Paladin]] 09:15, 26 September 2010 (PDT)

==New CwC Prank Call==
Awhile ago Carlos had all fetishes down including watersports & pretty much anything that didn't sound homo to him, I think we have mirrored the profile that shows all of the fetishes he was game for but just recently i found out he removed them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkLsxL3ShI0 [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 22:22, 6 November 2010 (PDT)

== Bob Okay With Jews? ==

In the latest PC Assassins call, Bob spoke about Jews and Israelis when the subject came up. He seems to be quite amicable toward [[Michael Snyder|the people]] [[Chris]] hates so much. Bob goes so far as to say they "deserve {the homeland of Israel}" Is this more of the brighter side of him, coming to light? --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 18:03, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
*It may be a lesser of two evils thing with the taliban and the like being portrayed in the media.

== Transcribing ==
An entire hour and 7 minutes of the PC Assassins attention whoring and Bob being kindly and old is there for transcribing. I suppose this will be what I do on the CWCki for a while. Unless someone wants to help.
*Also I'd like to know if when transcribing I could just transcribe Chris related talk and timestamp it. There is an excess of 2 hours of Craig being a yes-man and Bob talking about old people's things. [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 09:26, 8 May 2011 (PDT)
::I don't think anyone would complain if you kept it Chris-related, both for your sake and for the sakes of potential readers. Good luck. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 10:40, 8 May 2011 (PDT)

== Where'd they go? ==

There were some other videos of the prank calls done by the PCassassins An Extended Chat With Bobby parts 1-4 (or 5 i think)...Where did they go? I only see episodes one and two... They WERE there up until the 8th of May and the 4th one in particular had some juicy Chris information (No actual Honor Roll and No actual Job in particular). Did they accidentally get deleted or what?? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:39, 9 May 2011 (PDT)
: I just did some looking and it looks like the only parts of the "Episodes" from PCassassins is the first part...not the rest. Some of them (the other parts) are pretty informative about Chris's life as well as how he grew up...though some of them are solely about Bob... Shouldn't we still post them at least??? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:44, 9 May 2011 (PDT)

: The missing parts did not get deleted. We have them set to private and backed up on file, we figured too hold onto them for now until we are ready to release them. --[[User:ThePCassassins|ThePCassassins]] 06:30, 17 May 2011 (PDT)

== Parts Just Died Here ==

One channel was closed on YouTube and now this page lost about a half dozen calls. Has anyone mirrored them? --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 13:01, 15 May 2011 (PDT)

==PCAssassins calls==
Problem - most of these calls were making the article REALLY long, when they could easily go in their own article. Other problem - PCASssassins are giant faggots who are clearly trolling Chris for e-fame. Solution - I made a subpage just for them. Yes, it's still a page devoted to them but it's only a subpage. If you people want to argue that they get a regular page, I'd be for that, I am concerned about how they would perceive such a page though, as I don't want drama like there was over "Sonichu: The Animated Series."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:40, 16 May 2011 (PDT)

Were not trying to receive any E-fame as you put it. We just wanted too prove too you that a couple of outsiders can accomplish something that you could never do.
But yeah a page for us would be great for everyone too get more information on the Chandlers during this Chris dry spell.
[[User:ThePCassassins|ThePCassassins]] 06:13, 17 May 2011 (PDT)
*Harassing a dying man. You two must be really proud of what you have accomplished.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 09:28, 18 May 2011 (PDT)

Cwcsicle

2011-03-04T10:49:38Z

Delabonte: Take your fan art elsewhere.

'''Cwcsicle''' is a name of a video log entailing [[Chris]] sticking his [[duck|penis]] in the snow for fifteen minutes. It was made in an attempt to get a scene in Jackass 3D. It is split into five parts: 100_2123 through 7.MOV. These titles seem to suggest that it was made in [[February 2010]]. It is the most recently released work to feature the [[Medallion of Fail|Sonichu Medallion.]]

==Video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = Cwcsicle
| image = {{#ev:youtube|ckU3J1BkeWs}}
| Stardate = c. [[February 2010]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = [[Image:Safetyparka.png]] Safety Parka
| previous = —
| next = —
| other = {{leaked|text}}
}}
</center>

==Transcriptions==
===100_2123.MOV (0:25)===
''[Christian stands in his snow-covered backyard. He is dressed quite heavily, pointing the camera at himself [[Chris and cinematography|with a rather shaky hand]].]''
Hi, I'm Christian Chandler, uh, this is ''"[[Random-access humor|Frozen Stalactite.]]" [Attempts to tilt camera towards crotch, missing it entirely.]'' I'm gonna put my dick in the snow ''[Aims it back at his face.]'' and I'm gonna leave it in there for about fifteen minutes. Currently it's 12:38 ''[Holds up his phone with his free hand]'' according to my cell phone clock. If there's one clock you can not change, it's the one on your cell phone. ''[Pans camera down, revealing that he's buried himself waist-deep. Pans back up.]'' Okay, see ya'll in fifteen minutes.

===100_2124.MOV (0:07)===
''[Holds up phone.]'' Yeah, about six minutes in now. Whooh. Boy, it's cold. I've had p-''[Video abruptly ends.]''

===100_2125.MOV (0:10)===
''[Carrying on from where the former left off, albeit with a little more urgency.]'' About six minutes in now. I've had previous experiences with, uh, freezing my dick, and I've even stretched it a bit. Right. I'll be checking back in se-in seven.

===100_2126.MOV (0:22)===
A-alrighty, it's 12:53 ''[Nearly beans himself in the face with his camera lens.]'' Let's pull me out. ''[Gets up with a grunt, nearly loses balance. Camera goes out of focus, although Chris can be heard shivering. The camera turns to focus on his crotch, with his [[duck]] thankfully quite out of view. The sound of something scraping the mic can be heard as he examines his genitals.]'' Feels blue. ''[Camera goes out of focus, then turns to his penis. Not only is it quite within view, it has turned bright red and the camera is upside down. Shortly after, the camera turns away.]'' Look at all that snow all over me. There's snow all over my pants. ''[Camera finally turns to Chris' face.]'' Heh. Kids, that is definitely something- ''[Video abruptly ends.]''

===100_2127.MOV (0:06)===
Everybody, I dare say that is one stunt you should not try at home. Peace out. ''[camera turns away as he sets it down.]''

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Frozen Stalagtite RECUT
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mskavdOJJTs}}
| Stardate = 3 March 2011
| Maker = shadupp
| Video Type = Parody
}}

==External links==
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itfzlADNFb8&feature=youtube_gdata SFW version]

[http://www.mediafire.com/?ys74ur2xcw24s5t Download]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2010]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

User talk:Tofu

2011-03-04T09:47:01Z

Delabonte:

Did you ever upload those pictures you took of Chris' house months ago, you know, the ones you mentioned in IRC? [[User:Brofose|Brofose]] 13:05, 3 March 2011 (PST)

They burn all mail. Chris will never respond to you. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 01:47, 4 March 2011 (PST)

Category:CWCkipedians who are Tropers

2011-03-04T09:44:57Z

Delabonte:

This is a list of users who should be banned.

[[Category:CWCkipedians on other websites]]

I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas

2011-02-28T00:38:25Z

Delabonte: No

[[Image:ChrisSanta.jpg|thumb|right|Only in Chris's dreams.]]

'''"I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas"''' is [[Chris]]'s [[Christmas]] poem from ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' #6, dated 04 December [[2004]].

==Text==
<poem>I want a [[sweetheart|girlfriend]] for [[Christmas#2004|Christmas]], now and forevermore.
I want a girlfriend for Christmas, so I won’t be [[Virgin with Rage|lonely]] anymore.
She should be 18-22.
And she ought to be [[boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]] too.
Why do all the [[Jerks]] get all the pretty girls,
Leaving me with [[Noviophobia|none to choose from]].
I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to share my love, oh.
I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to [[Rape|kiss]] under the mistletoe.</poem>

==See also:==
*"[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"
*''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Kimmi]]

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Chris's resume

2011-02-28T00:37:30Z

Delabonte: Ugh

<div style="float: right;">
__TOC__
</div>
On 09 [[September 2009]], '''Chris's resume''' finally surfaced onto the Internet, through the effort of a troll with a friend who worked in an HR department.

= The resume =

The following is Chris's complete resume, as it is posted on the popular resume website Monster.com, with only minor edits for wiki styling.

==Contact Info==

"[[Christopher's name change|Christopher]]" [[Christian Weston Chandler]] 
[[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct.]], [[Ruckersville, VA]] 22968-9545 
Home: 434-990-0198
Cell: 434-760-0848 
[[CWCipedia|Cwcipedia]]/CWC’s Sonichu and Rosechu Site! 
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page]

==Objectives==

I wish to make my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] franchise Official, with getting me paper published at [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie]], [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], [[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]] or [[Wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse Comics]], with continuing work as Comic Book Artist and Story Creator/Editor, good pay, eventual Official Sonichu and Rosechu Merchandise that I, personally, can officially sign-off on and further enforce my nine-year-old copyright with a more peaceful future. (See attached pages for more info).

==Experience==
''[Note: for some reason, Chris listed each experience with an "Experience" heading. It is unknown why Chris did this, but for the sake of clarity, all job experience is collated into one heading.]''

Date of Employment: March 17, [[2000]] – Current 
(Self) C.W.C. Comics 
Ruckersville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Drawing, writing, coloring and story-telling the continuing adventures of Sonichu, Rosechu and myself from life, creating from scratch and setting up the first original Sonichu Site, [[CWC’s Sonichu Site]], as well as its sibling sites.
* Functional Skills: [[Chris and art|Great hand-drawing skills]], [[Chris and writing|story-telling and editing]], building design from Computer Aided Drafting and Design ([[CADD]]), quick touch-typing skills, great Photoshop experiences, good HTML skills.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, [[2003]] – September, 2003 
[[Cutco]] Cutlery 
[[Charlottesville, VA]] 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Salesman of their fine [[Pocket knife|cutlery]] with the patented double-d edges.
* Functional Skills: Good people/social skills, great memorization of the salesman routine (won my boss over greatly with that memorizing).
* Transferable Skills: Good people/social skills, memorizing and swift learning.

Date of Employment: August, [[2001]] – [[Lies|October, 2001]]<ref>In the [[Father Call]], Chris tells Kacey's Father that on September 11th he was shopping with his mother because he had ''just'' been fired from Wendy's.</ref> 
[[Wendy's|Wendys]]''[sic]'' Restaurant 
Ruckersville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Cleaning trays, tables and carpet/tile flooring, keeping the place neat and serving the customers with kind, understanding help.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: March, [[1998]] ''[sic]''<ref>The Pokémon trading card game wasn't released in North America until December 1998, and its official league wasn't founded until the following year.</ref> – June, [[2000]] 
[[Wikipedia:Books-a-Million|Books-a-Million]] 
[[Wikipedia:Midlothian,_VA|Midlothian, VA]] 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pok’emon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pok’emon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, 2000 – June, [[2002]] 
Toys “R” Us 
Charlottesville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pok’emon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pok’emon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, 2002 – June, [[2007]] 
[[The GAMe PLACe|The (Game & Hobby) Place]] 
Charlottesville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pok’emon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pok’emon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

==School Experience==

===Professional Education===

Dates of Attendance: 9/1/1996 to 6/15/2000
[[Manchester High School]]
Chesterfield County, Virginia

* High School Diploma with [[Honor Roll]] Grades.
* Honor Roll Star Pin awarded at Graduation.
* Certificate for serving on the varsity basketball team during my freshman year.

===Academic Education===

Dates of Attendance: August, 2000 to 6/1/2006
[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
Charlottesville, Virginia

* Made the Dean’s List with Honor Roll Grades
* Computer Aided Drafting and Design, CADD, Associates Degree
* Computer Aided Drafting and Design, CADD, Career Studies Certificate

==References==

Susan Hannifan

* PVCC Guidance Counsoler
* 501 College Dr. Charlottesville, VA 22902
* 434-961-5281
* shannifan@pvcc.edu

Reverend Elizabeth Foss

* Pastor of [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]
* 1901 Thomson Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22903
* 434-296-6976
* elizabethfoss22@earthlink.net

[[Rocky|Rocky Shoemaker]]

* Pastoral Counsoler
* 1901 Thomson Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22903
* 434-966-9636
* revrocky48@gmail.com

Tony Wayne

* Physics Teacher at Albemarle High School/Volunteer Pok’emon TCG League Gym Leader
* 2275 Hydraulic Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22901
* 434-975-9300 Ext. 60265
* vastphysics@comcast.net

==Job Objective, Full Story==

I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], Birth name: [[Christopher]], born on February 24, [[1982]] in [[Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]], am an artist with vast experiences in multiple art classes with multiple media throughout my whole lifetime from Green County Primary School to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Piedmont Virginia Community Collge]], with a diploma from [[Manchester High School]] and a degree and certificate in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] (CADD) from PVCC.

Since the inspiration and conception of [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric-Hedgehog Pok’emon]] on March 17, [[2000]], I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books. I also have had and passed two HTML classes, and created from notepad scratch, [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC’s Pok’eSite 2!, El Pok’eSite de R.W.C.]] ([[Ricardo]] Weston Chandler was my Spanish nickname given to me during my two years of Spanish in Manchester High), and most importantly, the First and Original website dedicated to Sonichu, Rosechu and their adventures, [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|CWC’s Sonichu Site]].

I was also noted twice later in the periodicals of [[Nintendo Power]] magazine and PVCC’s The Forum for being the original creator of Sonichu and all. (See Periodical References below)

With the Sonichu [[Chris and English#Spelling|Stie]] originally located at http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm, it stayed online from about [[2000]] until early [[2009]], whereas my Sonichu and Rosechu fanbase has grown massively over the years; there were also internet bullies and [[trolls]]. And the trolls hacked into and compromised my original Tripod webhosting account. I’ve had to pull the plug on the Tripod account and move on to another webhosting site. The second webhosting account suffered the same fate as the first, and then I moved to GoDaddy. It got hacked too, and so I pulled the plug on all my websites late May, 2009. I stayed off for about two months, then a gal-pal of mine about that time set up for me a start of what is now the New Original CWC’s Sonichu and Rosechu Site; the wikipedia-styled [[Cwcipedia]] at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page. As I have done on the previous site, I have re-uploaded my Sonichu comic pages, and I am steadily expanding further with more stories and character bio pages.

I would like to be paper-published with a comic book company like Archie, Marvel, DC or Dark Horse comics, complete with Official Sonichu and Rosechu Merchandise I can personally sign-off on to follow for my Worldwide [[Fanbase]].

Accept no imposturous substitutes who claim to be me or have any rights on my Sonichu and Rosechu stuff; I stand strong with my continued use of the Copyright © symbol on each of all my books and original singular art pieces and the date of creation of March 17, 2000. I have eye-witnesses at Manchester High of Sonichu’s conception and creation on that date. It also bothers me that the trolls are even selling bootleg copies of my Life DVD, [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Christian Weston Chandler. Yep…I’m On T.V.]], which was originally intent solely for family and close friend distribution. Trust one of the trolls to snag a copy and rip the vieos from the six-hour DVD-R.

I became famous without having to leave my house or go out-of-state or city.

After recent realization, on about July 17, [[2009]], of what I want to do, I wish to make it all official; get me paper-published with a comic book company like [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie]], [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], [[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]] or [[Wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse comics]], with continuing work as a comic book artist and story creator/editor, good pay, eventual official Sonichu and Rosechu merchandise that I can personally and officially sign-off on and further enforce my nine-year-old copyright with a more peaceful future.

“Christopher” Christian Weston Chandler, August 11, 2009

© March 17, 2000 by “Christopher” Christian Weston Chandler.

==Periodical References==

* ''Nintendo Power'' – Volume 179, May 2004, Page 89 – [[Nintendo Power Magazine#The Documentary|Sonichu’s Cwcville Documentary]]
* Piedmont Virginia Community College’s ''The Forum'' – Volume 1, No. 13, 26 April 2004 – Meet Sonichu – Student Featured in Nintendo Power – By Kari Mitchell, The Forum Assistant Editor.

==Chris's Resume Writing Worksheet==
<gallery>
Image:scan.jpg|The concept of "Most recent" escapes Chris.
Image:scan0001.jpg|Notice how he can't keep himself from including Sonichu in EVERYTHING.
Image:scan0002.jpg|His only references are a guidance counselor that he had almost a decade ago and two pastors at his church.
Image:scan0003.jpg|Largely the same as the other pages except he whines about his websites getting hacked.
Image:scan0004.jpg|Even his shitty DVD is worth mentioning apparently.
Image:scan0005.jpg|He wants to put the dang, dirty trolls to rest.
</gallery>

==Downloads==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?gm5diqmjqjg Original resume]

==Notes==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Electric Hedgehog Pokémon

2011-02-28T00:35:49Z

Delabonte: Horrible. Which genius wrote "ficticious pokemon"? I LOL'd.

[[File:EvolutionChart.png|thumb|350px|Evolution chart, used as a basis if Christian's horrible recolors were ever used in future Pokémon Games.]]

The '''Electric Hedgehog Pokémon''' are a group of non-canon [[Pokémon]] created by [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

==Species==
===Male===
* [[Sonee]] (child)
* [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] (adult)
* [[Metonic]] (mature)
===Female===
* [[Rosey]] (child)
* [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] (adult)
* [[Vamprosa]] (mature)

==Individuals==
Individual male Electric Hedgehog Pokémon include:
* [[Sonichu]]
* [[Black Sonichu]]
* [[Blazebob Sonichu]]
* [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] (Transformation)
* [[Colossal Chan]] (Half-Human Transformation)
* [[Darkbind Sonichu]]
* [[CChanSonichuCWC#In_the_comic|IBA Chandler Sonichu]]
* [[Jamsta Sonichu]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Punchy Sonichu]]
* [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] (Transformation)
* [[Robbie Sonee]]
* [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] (Transformation)
* [[Wild Sonichu]]

===Female===
* [[Rosechu]]
* [[Angelica Rosechu]]
* [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
* [[Cerah Rosey]]
* [[Christine Rosey]]
* [[Chloe Rosechu]]
* [[Crystalina Rosechu]] (transformation)
* [[Lolisa Rosechu]]
* [[Saramah Rosechu]] (transformation)
* [[Sandy Rosechu]]
* [[Silvana Rosechu]] (intersex, born as a Rosey)
* [[Simonla Rosechu]]
* [[Zapina Rosechu]]
* [[Zelina Rosechu]]

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Anchuent Prophecy]], which allows humans to transform into [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].
* [[Chaotic Combo]]
* [[Pokemon]]
* [[List of Sonichu characters]]

[[Category: Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-27T13:45:03Z

Delabonte:

[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]] is a phone call that was leaked onto [[/cwc/]] by [[Kacey|persons unknown]] on [[February 2011|February 21, 2011]].

The long-lost phone conversation between [[Kacey]] and [[Solid Chris]] on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]] led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, the [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|marriage of Liquid Chris and Kacey the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|First]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really...act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out ignored everything I said.
 '''Chris:''' [makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_vision tunnel vision]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[sic]]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[tard rage|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [pause] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted)
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week. 
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food. 
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight? 
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners. 
 '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook. 
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time. 
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them. 
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not. 
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. [long, awkward pause] I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
[pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one. 
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future. 
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him... and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?! 

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. "[long pause]" But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college... 
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You..You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. "[pause]" I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I cn definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' "[pause]"Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]] 
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, "[stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable- 
 '''Kacey:''' "[cuts in]" But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down. 
 

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [Obesity|starve.] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good? 
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah... 
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing! 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works? 
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him. 
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one? 
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me. 
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well... 
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been excersizing, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''pause lasting 21 seconds'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]] 
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying. 
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously. 
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts... 
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, you'll be over this by tomorrow. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done. 
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 [''it can be implied that by this point, Chris's new pair of undies have since been soiled'']
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==Links==

[[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-27T13:43:04Z

Delabonte:

[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]] is a phone call that was leaked out onto the internet by [[Kacey|persons unknown]] on [[February 2011|February 21, 2011]].

The long-lost phone conversation between [[Kacey]] and [[Solid Chris]] on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]] led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, the [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|marriage of Liquid Chris and Kacey the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|First]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really...act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out ignored everything I said.
 '''Chris:''' [makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_vision tunnel vision]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[sic]]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[tard rage|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [pause] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted)
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week. 
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food. 
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight? 
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners. 
 '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook. 
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time. 
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them. 
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not. 
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. [long, awkward pause] I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
[pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one. 
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future. 
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him... and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?! 

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. "[long pause]" But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college... 
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You..You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. "[pause]" I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I cn definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' "[pause]"Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]] 
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, "[stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable- 
 '''Kacey:''' "[cuts in]" But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down. 
 

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [Obesity|starve.] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good? 
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah... 
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing! 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works? 
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him. 
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one? 
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me. 
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well... 
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been excersizing, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''pause lasting 21 seconds'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]] 
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying. 
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously. 
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts... 
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, you'll be over this by tomorrow. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done. 
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 [''it can be implied that by this point, Chris's new pair of undies have since been soiled'']
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==Links==

[[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-27T13:42:32Z

Delabonte:

[[The End For Real (Kacey call]] is a phone call that was leaked out onto the internet by [[Kacey|persons unknown]] on [[February 2011|February 21, 2011]].

The long-lost phone conversation between [[Kacey]] and [[Solid Chris]] on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]] led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, the [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|marriage of Liquid Chris and Kacey the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|First]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really...act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out ignored everything I said.
 '''Chris:''' [makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_vision tunnel vision]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[sic]]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[tard rage|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [pause] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted)
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week. 
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food. 
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight? 
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners. 
 '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook. 
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time. 
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them. 
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not. 
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. [long, awkward pause] I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
[pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one. 
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future. 
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him... and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?! 

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. "[long pause]" But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college... 
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You..You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. "[pause]" I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I cn definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' "[pause]"Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]] 
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, "[stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable- 
 '''Kacey:''' "[cuts in]" But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down. 
 

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [Obesity|starve.] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good? 
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah... 
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing! 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works? 
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him. 
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one? 
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me. 
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well... 
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been excersizing, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''pause lasting 21 seconds'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]] 
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying. 
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously. 
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts... 
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, you'll be over this by tomorrow. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done. 
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 [''it can be implied that by this point, Chris's new pair of undies have since been soiled'']
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==Links==

[[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey

2011-02-27T13:40:07Z

Delabonte: Redirected page to The End For Real (Kacey call)

#REDIRECT [[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]

Talk:The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-27T13:39:30Z

Delabonte:

I just want to know, WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS GOLD MINE BEEN?!? This was the greatest thing I have ever heard in a long long time from all the gal-pals Chris has been with. Bravo to Kacey, and Bravo to whomever finally uploaded this gem to the world. [[User:ShinGokuIAM|ShinGokuIAM]] 10:23, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Is it possible to get these uploaded to mediafire or something? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 10:37, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Maybe rename to "Kacey Call 3"? [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 13:33, 26 February 2011 (PST)
:that would be kind of confusing since it goes "Kacey Call", "Father Call", "K & L Call" then this one (and maybe they'll release more later).. but yeah it should be renamed. why not just "Final Kacey Call"? [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 13:44, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Edit: DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. Finished part 3 but can't finish part 2. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 21:49, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Helped finish part 2, edited some of part 1 and previously done parts of 2. I'm going to just double check part 3 now (just to have that extra ear). I forgot how much of a witch with a capital B transcribing is...I'm probably going to crash into slumber after this. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:59, 26 February 2011 (PST)

The original mediafire is here: http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:33, 27 February 2011 (PST)

==Page renamed==

"Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey" was an idiotic name for the page. Had to be changed. Who the fuck here calls him "Chris Chan" anyway? This isn't ED. Was it really so hard to just give it the name of the file (which already said enough about the contents)? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:38, 27 February 2011 (PST)

Talk:The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-27T13:38:43Z

Delabonte: Created page with "I just want to know, WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS GOLD MINE BEEN?!? This was the greatest thing I have ever heard in a long long time from all the gal-pals Chris has been with. Brav..."

I just want to know, WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS GOLD MINE BEEN?!? This was the greatest thing I have ever heard in a long long time from all the gal-pals Chris has been with. Bravo to Kacey, and Bravo to whomever finally uploaded this gem to the world. [[User:ShinGokuIAM|ShinGokuIAM]] 10:23, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Is it possible to get these uploaded to mediafire or something? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 10:37, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Maybe rename to "Kacey Call 3"? [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 13:33, 26 February 2011 (PST)
:that would be kind of confusing since it goes "Kacey Call", "Father Call", "K & L Call" then this one (and maybe they'll release more later).. but yeah it should be renamed. why not just "Final Kacey Call"? [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 13:44, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Edit: DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. Finished part 3 but can't finish part 2. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 21:49, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Helped finish part 2, edited some of part 1 and previously done parts of 2. I'm going to just double check part 3 now (just to have that extra ear). I forgot how much of a witch with a capital B transcribing is...I'm probably going to crash into slumber after this. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:59, 26 February 2011 (PST)

The original mediafire is here: http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:33, 27 February 2011 (PST)

==Page renamed==

"Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey" was an idiotic name for the page. Had to be changed. Who the fuck here calls him "Chris Chan" anyway? This isn't ED. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:38, 27 February 2011 (PST)

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-27T13:36:39Z

Delabonte: "Chris Chan" Griffintown? Really? Had to rename page.

[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]] is a three-part series of videos that was leaked out onto the internet on [[February 2011|February 21, 2011]]. The series showcases the long-lost phone conversation between [[Kacey]] and [[Solid Chris]] on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]] that led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, the [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|marriage of Liquid Chris and Kacey the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|First]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really...act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out ignored everything I said.
 '''Chris:''' [makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_vision tunnel vision]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[sic]]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[tard rage|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [pause] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted)
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week. 
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food. 
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight? 
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners. 
 '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook. 
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time. 
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them. 
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not. 
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. [long, awkward pause] I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
[pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one. 
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future. 
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him... and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?! 

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. "[long pause]" But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college... 
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You..You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. "[pause]" I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I cn definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' "[pause]"Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]] 
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, "[stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable- 
 '''Kacey:''' "[cuts in]" But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down. 
 

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [Obesity|starve.] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good? 
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah... 
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid! 
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing! 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works? 
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him. 
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one? 
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me. 
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well... 
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been excersizing, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''pause lasting 21 seconds'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]] 
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family. 
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying. 
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously. 
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts... 
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, you'll be over this by tomorrow. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done. 
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 [''it can be implied that by this point, Chris's new pair of undies have since been soiled'']
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Talk:Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey

2011-02-27T13:33:18Z

Delabonte:

Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey

2011-02-27T13:31:02Z

Delabonte: wrong

Anna McLerran

2011-02-25T04:26:25Z

Delabonte: fixed yo

[[Image:Anamc.jpg|thumb|Never trust a Mormon troll]]

'''Anna McLerran''' (born 30 July [[1985]]<ref>http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=790355640#/profile.php?id=1564560452&ref=ts</ref>) met [[Chris]] through her job at the Pac Sun in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. She and Chris are no longer in contact.

Despite having been one of Chris's few real-life "friends", Anna is widely disliked for her attention whoring and inability to live up to her promises regarding information about Chris.

==Pre-ED==
Chris was brought to Anna's attention when, during the [[Love Quest]] era, he started advertising himself in front of Pac Sun. This is what inspired her woeful short story [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]], published early in 2006.

After publishing the story she befriended Chris and he threw her a surprise birthday party (see below). Chris made romantic advances towards her until she told him she was a [[homos|lesbian]] and a Mormon. His [[heart level]] was shattered once again.

Anna is indeed gay. Before coming out, she told Chris she was a lesbian in order to rebuff his advances,<ref>Via [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran Formspring]:"...it was the only way to get him to stop thinking of me as a 'candidate'..."</ref> but recently she has lamented having to come out of the closet to her Mormon family.<ref>[http://thundercamp.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding Anna's Tumblr page]</ref>

Chris occasionally refers to her as proof that he can be friends with [[homos|homosexuals]] (for instance, in this [[IRC (27 December 2008)|December 2008 IRC chat]]).

==ED drama==
After Christian discovered the aforementioned story on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Anna felt a need to defend Chris against the internet at large. In a textbook case of [[White knight|white knighting]], she edited Chris's ED page. Anna added a new section to the article, in an attempt to paint Chris as a [[Chris and Fashion|goofy clown]], rather than a [[Chris Loses It|perverse psychotic]]. {{quote|I wrote that blog back when I didn't know Chris personally. I got to know him soon after that, and we became real friends. He's a really nice guy, with a great sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. Yes, to the outsider he is quirky, and some of his actions and the things he says can be funny, but at the same time he cares deeply about his friends, and all the other good stuff nobody looking at this page wants to hear about. I just wanted to put that out there, though, since I obviously can't permanently delete the blog inclusion. I'll just have to wait until this whole website is shut down for good.|Note From Anniebannany<ref>http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=next&oldid=1997694799</ref>}} This passage was so masturbatory, it was assumed that it was written by Christian himself and it was credited as such. However, in [[December 2009]], Anna admitted to writing the article section herself<ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439</ref>. It is unknown why she had actually befriended him; whether or not it was to quietly troll him and laugh at his stories, or if it was genuine. Many people lean towards the former as she appears to have a bit of a sadistic streak, but according to her, her intentions were pure.<ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/40869014897045504</ref> While she is well known to defend her friends to the bitter end, Christian included, she has no problem mocking the mentally handicapped (who doesn't?), implying that [[autistic]] people should be embarrassed for being, well, autistic.

{{quote|C-Chan continues to crack me up with his antics. I know he's straight, but LAWD. If that boy would just heed even a few of my warnings, I flatter myself to think he'd go far.|Anna (clearly delusional)<ref>http://annamclerran.blogspot.com/2009/01/el-dee-ess-bee-see.html</ref>}}

==Current events==
On the night of 5 [[December 2009]], Anna complained about pampered socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Ritchie|Nicole Ritchie]] having appropriated a classic picture of Christian in his mother's underwear to use against tiresome faux-punk guitarist [[Wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]]. Anna, self-appointed guardian of the Manchild, kicked up a stink, demanding that the picture be taken down, as if it could not be found elsewhere. According to Anna, "he's autistic and does whatever the internet tells him to do :(",<ref>http://twitpic.com/s7pfi</ref> ignoring the substantial amount of depravity that he exhibits without any outside encouragement. Anna went on to criticize the CWCki and other sources of the truth about Chris, claiming that "there is very little truth to anything those websites say about him. trust me on this one. he is an awesome guy in real life. [[Death threats|super nice]]."<ref>Ibid.</ref>

This is all very amusing when you consider her initial reaction to seeing the picture: "WHAT THE FUCK hahahahahhahahahaaha he's getting so famous!!"<ref>[http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6377147359 Anna's Twitter]</ref>

Anna announced plans to write a book encompassing the life and failure of Chris. As with many of her claims, this proved to be a load of bullshit.
{{-}}

==Criticism and backlash==
Anna is a polarizing figure among [[trolls]]. Though she has displayed an openness and apparent willingness to help, she is accused by many [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] regulars of being an "attention whore" who promises information on Chris but never delivers, or of providing details that are already widely known (notably about his [[Christian's name change|name change]]). Her appearances on the PVCC usually tended to be vapid attention-seeking exercises full of retarded [[random-access humor]] rather than any useful personal insights into Chris.

On the other hand, she is highly regarded by some trolls (who clearly don't have much female interaction) who fawn over her many [[YouTube]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWYguLerBg8 dancing videos].

==Anna's b-day/going away party==
Before Anna left for Utah, Chris decided to throw a birthday/going away party for her {{cite}}. Fortunately for trolls, it was documented and Chris is seen outside of his natural habitat, [[Fridays After Five|attempting to socialize]] with his peers.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0689-ANNABD2.JPG|Everyone's favorite crypto-troll, Anna.
Image:0690-ANNABD3.JPG|A seemingly innocent party...
Image:0691-ANNABD4.JPG|...with cards...
Image:0692-ANNABD5.JPG|...the close company of friends...
Image:0693-AnnaBD7.JPG|...cake...
Image:0697-AnnaBD10.JPG|...(too hard to tell)...
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|...aaaaaaaaaand here's Chris.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|"You gonna get raped."
Image:0696-AnnaBD6.JPG|Yes, she was smiling, but you can see that on the inside she was dying.
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:AVDYT01-001.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:McLerran, Anna}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]

Mass debating

2011-02-23T06:45:34Z

Delabonte:

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Democrats_mass_debate.jpg|thumb|right||Democratic Presidential Candidates mass debating correctly.]]
[[Image:CWCmassdebate.jpg|thumb|right||Chris doing it wrong.]]

'''Mass debating''' is the [[CWC-ism]] for the act of masturbation. It is a popular past time of Chris's and he has mass-debated in many rooms of his house.

==The hideous act==

When he first started mass debating, he did so by lying face down on his bed and rubbing his [[duck]] with a washcloth.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat III]]</ref> In early [[2009]] he would sit on the bathroom washbasin as he defiled himself.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat III]]</ref> In [[Ivy Q&A#Comics|Ivy's Q&A]] it was mentioned that Chris has used his pillow, folded in half, as a masturbation tool. Chris has even been recorded by [[trolls]] on several occasions engaging in this vile, heathen act openly in the kitchen where his family's computer and webcam is located.

On Valentine's Day 2009, [[Bob Chandler|his father]] [[Bob Walks In|walked in]] on his son mass debating, leading to Chris's Internet being cut down.

May or may not include [[Masturbating and squirtin'|squirtin']].

==Discovery==
[[Image:ILikeToPlayGamesToo.jpg|right|thumb|Now, imagine Chris fapping.]]
Based on a PSN chat with [[PandaHalo]] and [[Chris_Chat_27_December_2008#Transcript|an IRC chat]], Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of sixteen:

{{quote|actually figured it out for myself, in my room one night after having unlocked the parental lock; I found the pool scene in "I Like to Play Games Too", and I just figured it out for myself.}}

Chris has informed his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] of his "mass debating" habit.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat III]]</ref>

==Frequency==
{{quote|And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.|Chris on his mass debating.<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&oldid=1997802418#The_Megan_Saga Chris's MySpace blog, via ED.]</ref>}}

While it is assumed by many that Chris has an uncontrolled sex drive and spends his days whacking it, the opposite is true. Rather, Chris has admitted to whacking off at least twice in a given week (though based on chats{{cite}}, it seems that he limits it to twice). Possible factors for this include the fact that he has a bent [[duck]] which would make masturbation painful, in addition to a possibly low libido due to an unhealthy life style which may make it hard for him to maintain an erection. The sex audio with [[Julie]] seems to indicate that it takes Chris around twenty minutes to orgasm, which means that masturbation for Chris must be physically exhausting (especially for someone whose view of exercise is that of standing up while playing [[Gitar of Fail|''Guitar Hero'']]).

Needless to say, [[Virgin_with_Rage|he's doomed to mass debate for the rest of his life]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris Sex Videos]]
*[[Semen]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[category:CWC-isms]]

Lolisa Rosechu

2011-02-23T06:40:19Z

Delabonte:

[[Image:Lolisa.jpg|thumb|100px|It's 99.99% likely that Chris [[mass debating|mass debated]] to this image.]]
{{Quote|Lolisa is of Radio DJ and Co-Host personality; she keeps up with the latest news and trends, sad from bad news; happy from good news, honest and punctual.|Chris attempts to describe Lolisa's personality<ref>[[Mailbag 7#The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff]]</ref>}}

'''Lolisa''' is a [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] of unknown origin. She is [[Jamsta Sonichu]]'s partner at [[KCWC]], as well as his girlfriend. If you thought the other Rosechus were hollow, vapid shells, you ain't seen nothin' yet — Lolisa couldn't be more of a non-character if she tried. She has no character history, no relevance to the plot (such as it is), and doesn't even have a token element to specialize in. She just exists so Jamsta could have a girlfriend around, dispelling rumors that he's [[Homos|gay]].

Lolisa may be the most pointless character in Chris's large pantheon of pointless characters.

==Origin==
Lolisa is the second-oldest [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] and oldest Rosechu in the comic. She was hatched "somewhere private" in [[Sonichu chronology#1987|1987]], but as [[Rosechu]] was discovered first, her name became the species name.<ref>[[Mailbag 2]]</ref>

When confronted about this discrepancy in the [[mailbag]], Chris waves the concept aside by claiming that both Lolisa and Jamsta simply hatched in a private location and weren't catalogued until after Sonichu and Rosechu were discovered.

==Comic appearances==
===[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]===
Lolisa convinces [[Rosechu]] to allow [[Zapina]] to be present at the [[Women's rights]] stripping protest. Most people would consider this as grooming a child for sexual abuse.

Lolisa briefly (and vapidly) reports on the crazy happenings of Spring Break.

===[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]===
Lolisa is among the group defending [[CWCville Shopping Center]] from the [[PVCC]], though all she's seen doing is punching a few people. Whether or not she possesses electric powers (or any other abilities for that matter) remains to be seen.

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Rosechus]]

Ode to Julie

2011-02-23T06:33:04Z

Delabonte:

'''Ode to Julie''' is a video in which [[Chris]] is in a poetic mood and tries to get all Shakespearean for [[Julie]].

In the video Chris promises to visit Julie as soon as he has directions, money for food and [[Barbara]]'s "emotional support" (i.e her permission). He also briefly, and tastelessly, brings up the recent death of [[PandaHalo]] who perished in a bushfire before telling Julie he loves her multiple times.

Coincidentally, Chris and Julie were much like [[Wikipedia:Romeo and Juliet|Romeo and Juliet]], except the relationship ended in tragedy.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Ode to Julie
| image = {{#ev:youtube|YFZGe_qYct4}}
| Stardate = Febuary 23, 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Galpals.png]] [[Gal pal]]
| Saga = [[Image:Julie_saga.png]] [[Julie]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Redblueshirt.png]] Two Face
| previous = [[CWC Update 18 February 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 4 March 2009]]
}}

{{quote|O fair Julie… I love you so much in my heart.}}

===Transcript===

This is a, uh, long-distance love dedication… to my girlfriend… Julie. Beautiful woman, beautiful woman.

I love you, Julie, so very much. You are—you strike my thought at every moment, and it makes me po—it makes me ponder with such… [''inhales deeply''] ''love'' and ''desire''.

I love you so much.

You came from far a—you came from a far distance… of the country [[Molvanîa]]. [''sets down [[PS3]] controller to free up both hands'']

And also, throughout with respect, though I hold onto it with… ''single hand''… I respectfully remove for you, Julie… [''removes [[Sonichu medallion]]''] my medal. And I hold it in my hand as I, uh, tell the truth in the video, here. [''inhales deeply'']

O fair Julie… [''clutches chest''] I love you so much in my heart. I—your voice strikes me like… a ''lute''… on a spring day, or a red—or a red robin… in an early afternoon.

I look at and see your picture… [''picks up picture''] as you have sent to me. [''stares at picture''] And I look into your ''eyes''… and I am deeply in awe, as your eyes are like chocolate-covered strawberries. They're brown on the outside, but the sweet, wonderful woman… that cares about me very much… and will love me no matter what—that is the strawberry within. That is your soul. [''sets picture back down'']

And, uh, we yet have a similar storyline to, uh, Romeo and Juliet. [''voice cracks badly''] Only one syllable misting—missing. It'd be like—if we’d add a syllable, it'd be like, "''Christian-o'' and Juliet". [''inhales deeply'']

But every night, you can cr—e-e-every night you may cry, "Christian-o! Christian-o! Wherefore art thou, Christian-o?" And I would be there… int—in your ''heart'' – for I have—for ''my'' heart is with you. For if I called you up—for I would be there in your heart. And I would personally be calling out, "I am here, O fair Juliet. 'Tis no—'tis nobler thy name be heard every mom—every waking moment."

[''inhales deeply, sighs, and clutches chest''] "And Ju—the sun is in the ''east'', and Juliet ''is'' the sun." Though I know not much Shakespeare, but at least I know ''enough''… to getteth by!

I th—think of you, Juliet, at every moment… and it makes my heart… pound so much faster. It gets me… ''jazzed up'' like I was [[Speech Impediment|rell-wested]], y'know, like after a buzz after drinkin' a… ''caffeinated beverage''.

Because I have s—because we have talked for a little while and I have seen s—the love and honor… in my dr—in you, my Julie. [''inhales deeply'']

And you have seen… the yellow—the love and honor in my heart. And yet, also similar to Romeo and Juliet; though our families are ''not'' in quarrel with each other, ''my'' family is paranoid for my safety for traveling a long distance. Yet what used to—what separated us before… was an ''ocean'' and a bunch of other countries, including ''Germany''. [''inhales sharply''] Yet now, the only thing that separates us… in distance… is north Virginia.

And yet, I would be willing to, uh, travel that dista—travel the, uh, distance that may—that may… be equal to less than a day… after I have the money… and my mother… is less para-''noid''.

But you s—but it is not, uh… as much parental restriction as it is, uh… I feel I need the ''emotional support''… to back me up in my… fair quest for a true l—for a true love.

And let's not forget my, uh… past—my, uh, ''past''. Mmm…

I'll only mention her once, but… ''Panda''? I know that you are… somewhere up there… after the fire… and we will not forget you.

''But''… I look to a bright future, where Julie and I will feel the l—will feel that—will feel that ''love'' (''and then more'') after we are… brought together… by a v—by a ''vrooming''… bit of fate… that is a small traveling distance.

But I would lo—''I love you, Julie''. I love you so much that I'd be willing to, uh… spend the amount that is needed… to—for the gas (''and the food'') to travel the less-than-a-day trip… to you.

[''clutches chest''] And if anything should happen to you, my sweet Julie… it would hurt me so much. It would hurt me.

But we don't need to face such, uh, grim consequences… as you are—as, uh, we both are living alive and well… and, uh, we also have the support… of, uh… your ''[[BlueSpike|brother]]''… and, uh… [''inhales deeply''] w—and, uh, another one who is—who ''was'' a troll, but has emotionally… took a 180. 160? No, 180. It's ''360'' that's full. [''sniffles'']

The only f—the only factor missing that would—the only thing missing that would complete… [''inhales deeply''] the emotional support… [''sighs''] would be that of my fam—would be that of… ''my mother''. For she is the app—for—even though—for my father....

Ennh. You know what? I talk too much about, uh, what prevents us from being together. But… I promise you, Julie, that… in the near future, we ''will'' be together, whether it be by my… swift… [''inhales sharply''] driving distance....

And I'd be wi—and I'd be willing to travel that distance, after I get the directions.

Because I love you with my heart, Julie. [''clutches chest'']

I love you for… who you are: the sweet, kind, gentle person that you are. The woman that understands me very much. [''sniffles'']

We have a good number of things in common, Julie. And I am proud that—to hear—to know that you are… going to a church, as well.

It's gonna be a…

Well, hopefully, with the power of God… at our sides… we'll be together very soon. For the power of God can influence even the, uh, most paranoid of souls, I'm sure.

[''strains until he farts wetly, then sighs contentedly'']

So, I pray to him every night… that you and I would be together… with ''full'' emotional support… from everyone within our rea—within our respective reach.

[''sighs and clutches chest''] My heart yearns for you, Julie, very much. I love you. ''I love you, Julie''!

I cannot say that… I would die without you, because that would be an exaggeration. ''But''… I would—but it is better to say that… ''I am'' a more… nobler and much better… person… when I am around you and when I think of you… or when I talk to you.

[''reaches down and picks up picture again''] Mmm. And I look at your… [''stares at picture''] beautiful face in your picture. [''glances back at the camera and smiles slyly'']

[''sets picture back down again''] I love you, Julie. I love you with my heart. [''clutches chest'']

I'll be—I am always with you… in spirit. And soon enough, I will be with you in person. So, y'know… every night I ''can'' call out, "O fair Juliet! Fair Juliet! Wherefore art thou, fair Juliet?" And you would… wait—well, I mean, you would wander… from the bushes that is the distance… into my heart. And you would say, "I am here, O fair Christian-o, for—and we are to be together, as the gods join—as the gods… so willed… for it. And yet, uh… we tra—and yet, we traveled this distance to ''be'' together. Our hearts… are emotionally joined."

So, let us get together, Julie, because… you j—you love me, and I love you.

Both of us love each other with our hearts.

[''hugs himself''] ''I'm hugging you, Julie.'' ''Mmm… mmm.''

[''loudly drops medallion and picks PS3 controller back up'']

I'll talk to you later.

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category: Captain's log entries| 2009-02-23]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-23]]
[[Category: Julie saga videos| 2009-02-23]]

CWCville

2011-02-20T13:55:14Z

Delabonte:

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of reality and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]

[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Mobius.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chandler is Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections.

Contrary to this, he has insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville).

The issue is further convoluted when Chris says that voting is strictly for the Board of Director Members<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref>, though Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to.

[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor]].]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. the [[Wikipedia:Kim Il Sung|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea, the [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran, and the [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti).

It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen/mentioned in the comic.

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref>, but later decided not to.

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random and [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]].

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are <ref>depowered</ref>, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Michael Snyder|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Fictional places]]

Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails

2011-02-19T11:58:17Z

Delabonte:

In the late summer of [[2010]], [[Clyde Cash]] and other [[trolls]] offered a series of bounties for various achievements in trolling [[Chris]] on [[Trollin Train]]. One of the rewards: US$9,001 for the destruction via blunt force trauma of Chris's [[PS3]].

Chris discovered the announcement and apparently decided that he himself could pick up a piece of the action. The following communications reveal that it wasn't actually that simple. They also provided valuable background and context to the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingFoward videos]] and Chris's filmed visit to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] on 31 August, before Trollin Train was made public.

The e-mails reveal that Chris is once again claiming to have a girlfriend. She turned out to be [[Jackie]].

==The E-mails==
Chris's communications are on a blue background, while Clyde and Surfshack Tito's are on a red background.

{{EmailReply|Hello, Clyde 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 2:28 PM

Let's Talk Business. As you are aware, I, myself am aware of the [[Trollin Train]], and recently, I have [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|mistakenly formatted my PS3 Hard Drive]].

I do have a Girlfriend now; I will not disclose [[Jackie|her name]], and she is aware of these factors as well. She has encouraged me to work for your Reward Offer. So, with the full intention of moving forward in life, I have destroyed my PS3 personally and video recorded it. I am not going to put it onto [[YouTube]], Yet. I will be sending you the link to the video file I will be uploading to a Mega Upload site right after I finish typing this message.

At the moment, even if you upload the video yourself, it can be considered YOUR Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact. However, I am most willing and able to upload the video onto my own YouTube account personally. All I ask for me to actually Upload the Video onto my YouTube is the Full Reward, as posted on Trollin Train, of $9001 in [[Clyde Cash|Cash]]; NO check, NO Digital Transfer; Send me ALL of the Cash in a big, bubble-wrapped envelope via Snail-Mail. You have my good word that I will upload this same video onto my own YouTube right after I get the Cash.

Also, should you upload the video before I get the [[money]], I can and will create a Retractionary Statement to the video, AND blow things out of proportion.

Considering the previous trusted conversation between me and Sarah was provided with your full authorization, I will thank you for that Peace of Mind event by Trusting You in Like. I would like to see the cash in my mailbox, followed by in my hands, within' this week, before September 4, 2010.

Attached are three photos of the same PS3, Post-Damage for your preview.

You, Sarah and Penny all have a good and safe day.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|Another thing 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 6:17 PM

Later on, I've realized I could take it a step up, even though the Forum said "With a Brick", and I have finished the job with the rear tire of my car. You send me the Cash of $9001, and I will upload that video with the first one. One Week from Today.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I don't care if this goes up on YouTube or not, these videos are proof to me that you actually are redeemable. I'm surprised, but I'm still skeptical that it's finally destroyed. PS3s are surprisingly tough unlike the fragile POS PS2 and you aren't the strongest fish in the sea.

Once I can clearly see the innards of the PS3 being wrecked or it's in pieces, then we'll talk.

Penny just said hi. Adorable. Let's pretend that was for you, alright?

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Fair Enough 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 8:57 PM

I have another video of its Final Destruction as well, but I will give you a preview with the attached Photos. Price of Admission for the Videos: the Reward of $9001 in Cash via Snail-Mail, as I have previously described.

Note even the Slightest [[Duck|Bent]] Creases.

Cheers, 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I'm skeptical of you now. Why do you seem so willing to destroy your PS3? It used to mean everything to you. I have a strong feeling you're just trying to make me look like a fool. I don't believe any of this. I bet you just found a broken PS3 and passed it off as yours.

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 2:00 AM

I understand your skepticism, but I assure you, I destroyed my ONE 500GB, PS2 Backwards, Memory Card Slotted, 4 USB, Wi-Fied Playstation 3 I bought back on March 17, 2007.

I have also made further sacrifices beforehand; I SOLD ALL of my Super [[Nintendo]] Games, and the Console, the Super Scope 6, the SNES Mouse, and Most of my NES Games to Snooky's Pawn Shop Earlier this month; call them up and ask for yourself. And I gave my NES back to [[Bob|my father]] for his enjoyment of Zelda 2, Castlequest and the few remaining NES games. I've traded in a NUMBER of my current console games as well. I cancelled my GameFly Account. I also sold a BUNCH of my CDs, [[DVD]]s and Blu-Ray videos.

Also, I have Very Few Friends locally; I have NEVER dug through any dumpster or Garbage Can; and I could not and did not buy another PS3 anywhere.

With the $9001 I have earned with my deed of Cleansing, I swear on the graves of my [[Aunt Corina]] Weston Inge, my dog, [[Patti]], all of my relatives and past friends, ceased and living, hand on My [[Chris and religion|Holy New International Version Bible]] right now, and on my own life, that I will absolve my debts with my father with half of it, and all of the rest will be used for the Bright Future ahead between me and my [[Sweetheart]]. And I swear, Hand still on the Bible, everything I have done yesterday, as I have told you are ALL True, and That PS3 which is Destroyed now was The One that was Mine Alone and no one else.

I have the Video Footage, and I have given you the Samplings from the Deed; I need not prove myself further. The Destruction was as real as [[Chris humps his PS3|the tiresome humping with the tainted machine]] in that old video I was blackmailed into doing and record.

I have endured the Pains of Loss, and the Healing of Cleansing; FREE of the Lonely and Anguished Soul that went into that machine the past three years from destroying that vessel.

You have One Week to send the Legal, Unmarked $9001 Cash. And I do not think you want to be labeled a Man of No Word after the money you sent to the girl on the Forum. And I KNOW you want the Video Footage. You NEED the Video Footage.

Peace,

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Chris, it sounds to me you're lying with all this idiotic justification. Either you send me these so-called videos or you're a bullshit [[lies|liar]] and this is over. You've lied way too many goddamn times in the past.

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Fine! 
Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:02 AM

But I'd better see that Legal, Unmark, Non-consecutive $9001 CASH Within This Week, or the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] will still be on your head. NO Further Questions or Concerns!

The files in one Zip Folder are being uploaded now, and you will receive the link shortly.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Alright, talk to my main-man [[Tito]] at Trollin Train. He deals with all the money transactions since that dealing with that crap is far beneath me. Have fun with your new life!

- Clyde}}

{{Email|ALOHA LITTLE CUZ!

It's been like what, a few months after that whole [[The Wallflower|Heather]] Incident? I knew you blocked me so I had to create this new email to talk about the $9,001 reward.

Anyways, I've received orders from Clyde to hand over the money to you.

Atleast I would have if you read the fine print in my thread.

If you go to my thread and look really close, brudda, you would have noticed that there were some qualifications for being eligible for the reward.

Since you're probably too busy with other things, I will recite the fine print.

this little tiny line right under here was the qualification, and you missed it thinking it looked like my "--------" breaks

You are only qualified for the reward if you have signed a contract agreement for Clyde Cash before entering the Trolling establishment. Reward qualifies for you to Pay tribute to Tito for Security Protection, along with forfeiting your white women for the black [[man in the pickle suit]]. You will not be qualified for the reward if you are Chris Chan.

And another thing little cuz, the reward money is for people who TROLL you. You can't troll yourself, so how can you collect the money?
 These trolls do not have welfare to depend on like do you fatty. It's their job to troll you. They rely on their trolling prizes to survive.

Now if you were that cool trolling guy [[User talk:JenkinsJinkies|jenkinsjinkies]] The money would've been his seeing that he was closer to you.

The Reward Was For Trolling You

Did the [[Transformers|Autobots]] ever give the Decepticons reward money because the decepticons stole their own energon? I think not, little cuz.

Did you know that you destroyed the only ps3 with backwards compatibility?

You smashed a $700 dollar console you fucking [[NAIVE]] IDIOT!

That is the only console you could've got all of your money back & probably even more $$$.

no other version of the console can do that.

I don't about giving you the cash but I can at the LEAST give you the bubble wrap that you wanted.

As the Ancient Hawaiians Used to say:

Just Because you can afford the modern long board, doesn't you can mean honor the moving water}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 7:12 PM

Look, I did the deed of Destroying my "PSTriple", WITH a Brick and then some; I Provided the Video and Photographic Footage; You did not specify Troll or Not in your Topic. And your Break Lines are ONLY Break Lines between each Topic of "Wanted" and "Rewards". And Your Superior, Clyde Cash himself, has given You Orders to Pay Me the Reward. It should not matter of the witness of Junior Jenkins. And Confidentially, I actually Met him in person, and we have a mutual understanding of each other. And as an individual in your game, I respect him as a person with a bright future in front of him. I have forgiven HIM for being a Troll. And I will also confide in you that I have made a Promise to God that after I have the Legal $9001 Cash in my hands, I swore to Forgive ALL of the Trolls, including You And Clyde; [[No More Jokes|NO MORE CURSES]] or BEING CURSED.

So just continue with carrying out your orders to send me the Full Cash Reward, and we can all move forward with our lives in peace.

Thank you. 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Ok fatty, Clyde really likes your video. He wants me to bend the rules.

Let's pick a dropoff point for the money.

Meet me at:

[[The GAMe PLACe|243 Ridge McIntire Road]] 
[[Charlottesville, VA]]

at 2:00 PM tomorrow.

An agent in a [[pickle]] suit will meet you there with $9001 in twenty dollar denominations.

If you're not there at 2:00 pm I'm spending the money on hookers and blow. I don't care what Clyde says, I don't feel like giving a [[Monthly tugboat|welfare sapping]] [[fat]] shit like you a bunch of money

As The Ancient Hawaiians Used to say:

Don't Be late.

Your Troll 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:16 PM

I got it. I will be there.}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:46 PM

I will meet you there in front of the Staples of 243 Ridge McIntire Road, and NOT the store next door or anywhere else. I will be waiting in my car in a parking space in front of the Staples. No Negotiations.}}

{{Email|Haha. Who do you think you are calling the shots?

Look, we're paying people to troll you. You can't troll yourself. I'm only even giving you this money because Clyde seems to think that killing your PS3 was improvement on your life.

Don't test me, you are in no position to dictate terms to me fatty.

Do you understand that? You are relying on my generosity fatso, do NOT test me.

Ok, fine fatty, meet me in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square mall]]. In front of [[Chick-fil-A]]. 2:00 PM tomorrow. If you do not show up, I am taking this money to the nearest Hawaiian Brothel.

Capiche? 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 12:41 AM

Chick-Fil-A at Fashion Square; 2:00 PM. I will be there.}}

{{Email|Wait wait wait, hold the fucking phone.

I just had one of Clyde's asian technicians look at the video.

They spotted an intact hard drive in the corner of one of the frames.

You greasy fat weasel. You're saving the hard drive.

No, you're not getting your money until we get [[ItIsFinished.MOV|video of you smashing the three hard drives you have]]. Forget using a Brick, it's clear that even the asian girl that smashed the ps3 had more strength than you. I'm sure that you were in so much distress when you destroyed your ps3, it must've felt like what a mother feels when she drowns a baby in a sink. You hold that much feeling for an object it makes me repulsed.

I don't care how it gets destroyed, Bricked, Car, & [[knife]]d. Hell I would suggest you would do All 3 for this shit.

And Clyde was going to give you this money because he thought you were improving. I don't even want to show him the evidence of you being a sneaky fat rat, little cuz. You owe him that much

Listen here, I am the Hawaiian Joe Pesci to Clyde's Robert De Niro from [[Wikipedia:Casino (film)|Casino]]. I make sure what Clyde wants, Clyde Gets, and a naive [[Robotnik]] look-a-like such as yourself is going to get money from the boss.

& don't even try to think you have any upper hand in the negotiations. May I remind that you weren't even eligible for the reward in the first place.

you are in no position to dictate terms to me. I could be an total asshole and make you fulfill [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thadeus]]' deal to sing [[It's UGH!|Okay 2 b gay]] correctly. Remember Jack's "black mail" that you so call it. Even at that time you thought you had any bargaining privileges. But I'm not going to unless if you goof up again

But Right Now i'm feeling generous to give you 1 last chance.

There was an Ancient Hawaiian saying: 
"He who owns the gold makes the rules."

Fuck you,

Tito

Get me that video or you get nothing.

P.S: Why the fuck are you apologizing to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment of [[America]]? You treat a fucking corporation like it's god damned human being. Some CEO Big shot from Sony is probably viewing your video from his mansion viewing your antics like a boy views ants}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 6:20 AM

Enjoy the Destruction More.

Chick-Fil-A at Fashion Square; 2:00 PM; TODAY. I will be waiting for the Cash for me and my Sweetheart's Future.

Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 6:29 AM

to answer your question, there were a LOT of people who worked hard with the machines to construct the pieces, put them together, program and distribute the machine before I bought it. I am a man who Cares and Respects good people, and I did not want to dis them, so I made the statement.}}

{{Email|What an awful, awful person you are. You're more concerned with the feelings of a faceless corporation that exists to squeeze money out of you than: your parents, your friends or the taxpayers who work hard to support your fat ass. And I'm sure this will all be pointless because you're going to get another PS3.}}

{{Email|just talked to Junior, he said he never would've made any agreement with a welfare sapping naive retarded bastard such as yourself.

what are trying to pull to fatty?}}

Chris attached all the Tito e-mails to a message to Clyde, and added this:
{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:44 PM

**Clyde, let me share with you what your correspondent, Tito, has been saying to me, and he is Resistant to Pay Me the Reward I have earned from my console destruction.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:52 PM

**For your information, [[Lie|I would not get another PS3.]]}}

To Tito:
{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:58 PM

For your information, I would Not get another PS3, and I was at the Mall waiting for the cash from 1:30 to 2:10 PM. And after I read your e-mail, I went over and talked to Junior; he has NOT received any communication from you. AND even though he still has his anger against me, he and I still have a mutual understanding and agreements between each other. He told me that while he will continue to support your cause to bad-mouth me, he is cool with me getting my money, even though some of it came from his own tax dollars. Quit your damn Bitching and Redeem yourself by Giving me the $9001 Cash for my Console's Destruction.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Heh fatty, I just read that email that you sent to Clyde earlier. Clyde informed me to relay that he doesn't appreciate a shit stirring faggot like yourself trying to cause drama. Clyde left me in charge of disseminating this money to you. I control his finances. He empowered me to tell you to fuck off if you do anything funny.

You have to deal with me.

Since we have a few picklemen working at Fashion Square, we can have one of them pay you. Meet our agent at the Starbucks at 2:00 PM.

We'll be there, our agent should have a briefcase with the cash.

Don't try to dictate terms to us. You either meet on our terms, or you don't get your money. Makes no difference to me. Actually, it'd be cool if you got cocky and gave me reason to tell you to fuck off. Then I'd take your money to a whorehouse.

You may be a bigshot over at 14 branchland court but your tugboat don't float in our waters, little cuz.

Your troll, 
tito.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM

I had the theory of tardiness, and I was uncertain. But I will give you one more chance. Today, Tuesday the 31st, as you said at the Fashion Square's Starbucks at 2:00 PM. I will be there. Please inform me how I will recognize your agent.

Christian.}}

{{Email|Look Buddy, you're giving ME one more chance, lard ass?

Tell me how many other people are lining up to give you $9,001. (there aren't). Giving you 1 dollar of that is a bad idea enough.

You will recognize the agent that will give you the money, She'll have a pickle Tattoo right on her nice rack that is about as big as your man boobs, little cuz.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 9:47 PM

I apologize for offending you with the comment. I will keep my eyes open for the female agent then; pickle tattoo on her breast.}}

{{EmailReply|Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 3:44 PM

I was at the Starbucks in Fashion Square for over an hour, and come 2:00 PM and later; No Pickle-Breasted Woman showed up. I do not care for Wild Goose Chases, and my patience is wearing thin. Let's agree to have one of your Agents come to my house tomorrow afternoon to deliver the $9001 Cash at 2:00 PM; all she has to do is ring the doorbell, and I will answer.

Sincerely, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|You want more money? We gave you your money. We first went to the Starbucks inside the mall and we didn't see you. We saw some fat guy with big juggly hooters but no Christian Weston Chandler.

We thought you got mixed up and went to the wrong Starbucks, so we tried the other one and we found you. You had your [[medallion]] and your sapphire [[high school ring]], so we knew it was the true and honest Chris-Chan.

You looked like you lost some weight, congrats.

Your Troll, 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 4:30 PM

Liar; you did not see me at all. Don't cheat your way out of this.}}

{{Email|No, you fat shit, you're trying to rip us off. We saw [[Liquid Chris|you in your brown striped shirt]] with your sapphire high school ring. I talked to [[Kacey|your wife]] with the big boobs. I know it was you because of the retarded voice, the sapphire ring and the medallion.}}

Clyde sent this:
{{Email|You're going to have to beg, bitch.

You say you have some girlfriend. Prove it. What's her name?}}

{{EmailReply|Wed, Sep 1, 2010 at 9:53 AM

With due respect, I am NOT going to reveal her name, because I do not want you bastards pestering the hell out of her; she does not need it. And I am tired of your game of Goose-Chase; I KNOW you AND Tito are NOT going to give me even a half a Penny of any money, even after I've broken my one PS3 I paid 400 dollars for in 2007.

You both want me to even Beg, you can go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like [[South Park|Eric Cartman]], and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[sex toys|Darth Maul Dual LightSabre.]]

Fuck Off and Die, BOTH of you.}}

[[File:FIXED.jpg|This is what Chris wants.]]

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga]]

Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails

2011-02-19T11:55:46Z

Delabonte:

In the late summer of [[2010]], [[Clyde Cash]] and other [[trolls]] offered a series of bounties for various achievements in trolling [[Chris]] on [[Trollin Train]]. One of the rewards: US$9,001 for the destruction via blunt force trauma of Chris's [[PS3]].

Chris discovered the announcement and apparently decided that he himself could pick up a piece of the action. The following communications reveal that it wasn't actually that simple. They also provided valuable background and context to the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingFoward videos]] and Chris's filmed visit to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] on 31 August, before Trollin Train was made public.

The e-mails reveal that Chris is once again claiming to have a girlfriend. She turned out to be [[Jackie]].

==The E-mails==
Chris's communications are on a blue background, while Clyde and Surfshack Tito's are on a red background.

{{EmailReply|Hello, Clyde 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 2:28 PM

Let's Talk Business. As you are aware, I, myself am aware of the [[Trollin Train]], and recently, I have [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|mistakenly formatted my PS3 Hard Drive]].

I do have a [[gal-pal|Girlfriend]] now; I will not disclose her name, and she is aware of these factors as well. She has encouraged me to work for your Reward Offer. So, with the full intention of moving forward in life, I have destroyed my PS3 personally and video recorded it. I am not going to put it onto [[YouTube]], Yet. I will be sending you the link to the video file I will be uploading to a Mega Upload site right after I finish typing this message.

At the moment, even if you upload the video yourself, it can be considered YOUR Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact. However, I am most willing and able to upload the video onto my own YouTube account personally. All I ask for me to actually Upload the Video onto my YouTube is the Full Reward, as posted on Trollin Train, of $9001 in [[Clyde Cash|Cash]]; NO check, NO Digital Transfer; Send me ALL of the Cash in a big, bubble-wrapped envelope via Snail-Mail. You have my good word that I will upload this same video onto my own YouTube right after I get the Cash.

Also, should you upload the video before I get the [[money]], I can and will create a Retractionary Statement to the video, AND blow things out of proportion.

Considering the previous trusted conversation between me and Sarah was provided with your full authorization, I will thank you for that Peace of Mind event by Trusting You in Like. I would like to see the cash in my mailbox, followed by in my hands, within' this week, before September 4, 2010.

Attached are three photos of the same PS3, Post-Damage for your preview.

You, Sarah and Penny all have a good and safe day.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|Another thing 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 6:17 PM

Later on, I've realized I could take it a step up, even though the Forum said "With a Brick", and I have finished the job with the rear tire of my car. You send me the Cash of $9001, and I will upload that video with the first one. One Week from Today.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I don't care if this goes up on YouTube or not, these videos are proof to me that you actually are redeemable. I'm surprised, but I'm still skeptical that it's finally destroyed. PS3s are surprisingly tough unlike the fragile POS PS2 and you aren't the strongest fish in the sea.

Once I can clearly see the innards of the PS3 being wrecked or it's in pieces, then we'll talk.

Penny just said hi. Adorable. Let's pretend that was for you, alright?

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Fair Enough 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 8:57 PM

I have another video of its Final Destruction as well, but I will give you a preview with the attached Photos. Price of Admission for the Videos: the Reward of $9001 in Cash via Snail-Mail, as I have previously described.

Note even the Slightest [[Duck|Bent]] Creases.

Cheers, 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I'm skeptical of you now. Why do you seem so willing to destroy your PS3? It used to mean everything to you. I have a strong feeling you're just trying to make me look like a fool. I don't believe any of this. I bet you just found a broken PS3 and passed it off as yours.

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 2:00 AM

I understand your skepticism, but I assure you, I destroyed my ONE 500GB, PS2 Backwards, Memory Card Slotted, 4 USB, Wi-Fied Playstation 3 I bought back on March 17, 2007.

I have also made further sacrifices beforehand; I SOLD ALL of my Super [[Nintendo]] Games, and the Console, the Super Scope 6, the SNES Mouse, and Most of my NES Games to Snooky's Pawn Shop Earlier this month; call them up and ask for yourself. And I gave my NES back to [[Bob|my father]] for his enjoyment of Zelda 2, Castlequest and the few remaining NES games. I've traded in a NUMBER of my current console games as well. I cancelled my GameFly Account. I also sold a BUNCH of my CDs, [[DVD]]s and Blu-Ray videos.

Also, I have Very Few Friends locally; I have NEVER dug through any dumpster or Garbage Can; and I could not and did not buy another PS3 anywhere.

With the $9001 I have earned with my deed of Cleansing, I swear on the graves of my [[Aunt Corina]] Weston Inge, my dog, [[Patti]], all of my relatives and past friends, ceased and living, hand on My [[Chris and religion|Holy New International Version Bible]] right now, and on my own life, that I will absolve my debts with my father with half of it, and all of the rest will be used for the Bright Future ahead between me and my [[Sweetheart]]. And I swear, Hand still on the Bible, everything I have done yesterday, as I have told you are ALL True, and That PS3 which is Destroyed now was The One that was Mine Alone and no one else.

I have the Video Footage, and I have given you the Samplings from the Deed; I need not prove myself further. The Destruction was as real as [[Chris humps his PS3|the tiresome humping with the tainted machine]] in that old video I was blackmailed into doing and record.

I have endured the Pains of Loss, and the Healing of Cleansing; FREE of the Lonely and Anguished Soul that went into that machine the past three years from destroying that vessel.

You have One Week to send the Legal, Unmarked $9001 Cash. And I do not think you want to be labeled a Man of No Word after the money you sent to the girl on the Forum. And I KNOW you want the Video Footage. You NEED the Video Footage.

Peace,

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Chris, it sounds to me you're lying with all this idiotic justification. Either you send me these so-called videos or you're a bullshit [[lies|liar]] and this is over. You've lied way too many goddamn times in the past.

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Fine! 
Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:02 AM

But I'd better see that Legal, Unmark, Non-consecutive $9001 CASH Within This Week, or the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] will still be on your head. NO Further Questions or Concerns!

The files in one Zip Folder are being uploaded now, and you will receive the link shortly.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Alright, talk to my main-man [[Tito]] at Trollin Train. He deals with all the money transactions since that dealing with that crap is far beneath me. Have fun with your new life!

- Clyde}}

{{Email|ALOHA LITTLE CUZ!

It's been like what, a few months after that whole [[The Wallflower|Heather]] Incident? I knew you blocked me so I had to create this new email to talk about the $9,001 reward.

Anyways, I've received orders from Clyde to hand over the money to you.

Atleast I would have if you read the fine print in my thread.

If you go to my thread and look really close, brudda, you would have noticed that there were some qualifications for being eligible for the reward.

Since you're probably too busy with other things, I will recite the fine print.

this little tiny line right under here was the qualification, and you missed it thinking it looked like my "--------" breaks

You are only qualified for the reward if you have signed a contract agreement for Clyde Cash before entering the Trolling establishment. Reward qualifies for you to Pay tribute to Tito for Security Protection, along with forfeiting your white women for the black [[man in the pickle suit]]. You will not be qualified for the reward if you are Chris Chan.

And another thing little cuz, the reward money is for people who TROLL you. You can't troll yourself, so how can you collect the money?
 These trolls do not have welfare to depend on like do you fatty. It's their job to troll you. They rely on their trolling prizes to survive.

Now if you were that cool trolling guy [[User talk:JenkinsJinkies|jenkinsjinkies]] The money would've been his seeing that he was closer to you.

The Reward Was For Trolling You

Did the [[Transformers|Autobots]] ever give the Decepticons reward money because the decepticons stole their own energon? I think not, little cuz.

Did you know that you destroyed the only ps3 with backwards compatibility?

You smashed a $700 dollar console you fucking [[NAIVE]] IDIOT!

That is the only console you could've got all of your money back & probably even more $$$.

no other version of the console can do that.

I don't about giving you the cash but I can at the LEAST give you the bubble wrap that you wanted.

As the Ancient Hawaiians Used to say:

Just Because you can afford the modern long board, doesn't you can mean honor the moving water}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 7:12 PM

Look, I did the deed of Destroying my "PSTriple", WITH a Brick and then some; I Provided the Video and Photographic Footage; You did not specify Troll or Not in your Topic. And your Break Lines are ONLY Break Lines between each Topic of "Wanted" and "Rewards". And Your Superior, Clyde Cash himself, has given You Orders to Pay Me the Reward. It should not matter of the witness of Junior Jenkins. And Confidentially, I actually Met him in person, and we have a mutual understanding of each other. And as an individual in your game, I respect him as a person with a bright future in front of him. I have forgiven HIM for being a Troll. And I will also confide in you that I have made a Promise to God that after I have the Legal $9001 Cash in my hands, I swore to Forgive ALL of the Trolls, including You And Clyde; [[No More Jokes|NO MORE CURSES]] or BEING CURSED.

So just continue with carrying out your orders to send me the Full Cash Reward, and we can all move forward with our lives in peace.

Thank you. 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Ok fatty, Clyde really likes your video. He wants me to bend the rules.

Let's pick a dropoff point for the money.

Meet me at:

[[The GAMe PLACe|243 Ridge McIntire Road]] 
[[Charlottesville, VA]]

at 2:00 PM tomorrow.

An agent in a [[pickle]] suit will meet you there with $9001 in twenty dollar denominations.

If you're not there at 2:00 pm I'm spending the money on hookers and blow. I don't care what Clyde says, I don't feel like giving a [[Monthly tugboat|welfare sapping]] [[fat]] shit like you a bunch of money

As The Ancient Hawaiians Used to say:

Don't Be late.

Your Troll 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:16 PM

I got it. I will be there.}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:46 PM

I will meet you there in front of the Staples of 243 Ridge McIntire Road, and NOT the store next door or anywhere else. I will be waiting in my car in a parking space in front of the Staples. No Negotiations.}}

{{Email|Haha. Who do you think you are calling the shots?

Look, we're paying people to troll you. You can't troll yourself. I'm only even giving you this money because Clyde seems to think that killing your PS3 was improvement on your life.

Don't test me, you are in no position to dictate terms to me fatty.

Do you understand that? You are relying on my generosity fatso, do NOT test me.

Ok, fine fatty, meet me in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square mall]]. In front of [[Chick-fil-A]]. 2:00 PM tomorrow. If you do not show up, I am taking this money to the nearest Hawaiian Brothel.

Capiche? 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 12:41 AM

Chick-Fil-A at Fashion Square; 2:00 PM. I will be there.}}

{{Email|Wait wait wait, hold the fucking phone.

I just had one of Clyde's asian technicians look at the video.

They spotted an intact hard drive in the corner of one of the frames.

You greasy fat weasel. You're saving the hard drive.

No, you're not getting your money until we get [[ItIsFinished.MOV|video of you smashing the three hard drives you have]]. Forget using a Brick, it's clear that even the asian girl that smashed the ps3 had more strength than you. I'm sure that you were in so much distress when you destroyed your ps3, it must've felt like what a mother feels when she drowns a baby in a sink. You hold that much feeling for an object it makes me repulsed.

I don't care how it gets destroyed, Bricked, Car, & [[knife]]d. Hell I would suggest you would do All 3 for this shit.

And Clyde was going to give you this money because he thought you were improving. I don't even want to show him the evidence of you being a sneaky fat rat, little cuz. You owe him that much

Listen here, I am the Hawaiian Joe Pesci to Clyde's Robert De Niro from [[Wikipedia:Casino (film)|Casino]]. I make sure what Clyde wants, Clyde Gets, and a naive [[Robotnik]] look-a-like such as yourself is going to get money from the boss.

& don't even try to think you have any upper hand in the negotiations. May I remind that you weren't even eligible for the reward in the first place.

you are in no position to dictate terms to me. I could be an total asshole and make you fulfill [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thadeus]]' deal to sing [[It's UGH!|Okay 2 b gay]] correctly. Remember Jack's "black mail" that you so call it. Even at that time you thought you had any bargaining privileges. But I'm not going to unless if you goof up again

But Right Now i'm feeling generous to give you 1 last chance.

There was an Ancient Hawaiian saying: 
"He who owns the gold makes the rules."

Fuck you,

Tito

Get me that video or you get nothing.

P.S: Why the fuck are you apologizing to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment of [[America]]? You treat a fucking corporation like it's god damned human being. Some CEO Big shot from Sony is probably viewing your video from his mansion viewing your antics like a boy views ants}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 6:20 AM

Enjoy the Destruction More.

Chick-Fil-A at Fashion Square; 2:00 PM; TODAY. I will be waiting for the Cash for me and my Sweetheart's Future.

Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 6:29 AM

to answer your question, there were a LOT of people who worked hard with the machines to construct the pieces, put them together, program and distribute the machine before I bought it. I am a man who Cares and Respects good people, and I did not want to dis them, so I made the statement.}}

{{Email|What an awful, awful person you are. You're more concerned with the feelings of a faceless corporation that exists to squeeze money out of you than: your parents, your friends or the taxpayers who work hard to support your fat ass. And I'm sure this will all be pointless because you're going to get another PS3.}}

{{Email|just talked to Junior, he said he never would've made any agreement with a welfare sapping naive retarded bastard such as yourself.

what are trying to pull to fatty?}}

Chris attached all the Tito e-mails to a message to Clyde, and added this:
{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:44 PM

**Clyde, let me share with you what your correspondent, Tito, has been saying to me, and he is Resistant to Pay Me the Reward I have earned from my console destruction.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:52 PM

**For your information, [[Lie|I would not get another PS3.]]}}

To Tito:
{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:58 PM

For your information, I would Not get another PS3, and I was at the Mall waiting for the cash from 1:30 to 2:10 PM. And after I read your e-mail, I went over and talked to Junior; he has NOT received any communication from you. AND even though he still has his anger against me, he and I still have a mutual understanding and agreements between each other. He told me that while he will continue to support your cause to bad-mouth me, he is cool with me getting my money, even though some of it came from his own tax dollars. Quit your damn Bitching and Redeem yourself by Giving me the $9001 Cash for my Console's Destruction.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Heh fatty, I just read that email that you sent to Clyde earlier. Clyde informed me to relay that he doesn't appreciate a shit stirring faggot like yourself trying to cause drama. Clyde left me in charge of disseminating this money to you. I control his finances. He empowered me to tell you to fuck off if you do anything funny.

You have to deal with me.

Since we have a few picklemen working at Fashion Square, we can have one of them pay you. Meet our agent at the Starbucks at 2:00 PM.

We'll be there, our agent should have a briefcase with the cash.

Don't try to dictate terms to us. You either meet on our terms, or you don't get your money. Makes no difference to me. Actually, it'd be cool if you got cocky and gave me reason to tell you to fuck off. Then I'd take your money to a whorehouse.

You may be a bigshot over at 14 branchland court but your tugboat don't float in our waters, little cuz.

Your troll, 
tito.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM

I had the theory of tardiness, and I was uncertain. But I will give you one more chance. Today, Tuesday the 31st, as you said at the Fashion Square's Starbucks at 2:00 PM. I will be there. Please inform me how I will recognize your agent.

Christian.}}

{{Email|Look Buddy, you're giving ME one more chance, lard ass?

Tell me how many other people are lining up to give you $9,001. (there aren't). Giving you 1 dollar of that is a bad idea enough.

You will recognize the agent that will give you the money, She'll have a pickle Tattoo right on her nice rack that is about as big as your man boobs, little cuz.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 9:47 PM

I apologize for offending you with the comment. I will keep my eyes open for the female agent then; pickle tattoo on her breast.}}

{{EmailReply|Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 3:44 PM

I was at the Starbucks in Fashion Square for over an hour, and come 2:00 PM and later; No Pickle-Breasted Woman showed up. I do not care for Wild Goose Chases, and my patience is wearing thin. Let's agree to have one of your Agents come to my house tomorrow afternoon to deliver the $9001 Cash at 2:00 PM; all she has to do is ring the doorbell, and I will answer.

Sincerely, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|You want more money? We gave you your money. We first went to the Starbucks inside the mall and we didn't see you. We saw some fat guy with big juggly hooters but no Christian Weston Chandler.

We thought you got mixed up and went to the wrong Starbucks, so we tried the other one and we found you. You had your [[medallion]] and your sapphire [[high school ring]], so we knew it was the true and honest Chris-Chan.

You looked like you lost some weight, congrats.

Your Troll, 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 4:30 PM

Liar; you did not see me at all. Don't cheat your way out of this.}}

{{Email|No, you fat shit, you're trying to rip us off. We saw [[Liquid Chris|you in your brown striped shirt]] with your sapphire high school ring. I talked to [[Kacey|your wife]] with the big boobs. I know it was you because of the retarded voice, the sapphire ring and the medallion.}}

Clyde sent this:
{{Email|You're going to have to beg, bitch.

You say you have some girlfriend. Prove it. What's her name?}}

{{EmailReply|Wed, Sep 1, 2010 at 9:53 AM

With due respect, I am NOT going to reveal her name, because I do not want you bastards pestering the hell out of her; she does not need it. And I am tired of your game of Goose-Chase; I KNOW you AND Tito are NOT going to give me even a half a Penny of any money, even after I've broken my one PS3 I paid 400 dollars for in 2007.

You both want me to even Beg, you can go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like [[South Park|Eric Cartman]], and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[sex toys|Darth Maul Dual LightSabre.]]

Fuck Off and Die, BOTH of you.}}

[[File:FIXED.jpg|This is what Chris wants.]]

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga]]

JenkinsJinkies

2011-02-19T11:52:35Z

Delabonte:

'''Junior Jenkins''', alias '''JenkinsJinkies''' (born c. [[1996]]) was Chris's [[Disguises|trollsona]] from [[May 2010|May]] to [[August 2010]].

==CWCki==
[[image:Fatjenkins.jpg|thumb|The great <s>Cobra Commander</s> JenkinsJinkies]]
JenkinsJinkies began as another [[CWCki]] account, made by Chris to confirm that the antenna he had removed from his [[PS3]] wasn't a bug in [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked]], a bait page made by [[Clyde]]. It was quickly discovered that JenkinsJinkies was Chris, and [[Trollin Train|appropriate action]] was taken soon afterwards. Clyde contacted Chris through JenkinsJinkies' [[User talk:JenkinsJinkies|talk page]], and it resulted in a short correspondence between the two.

{{quote|I lost my young virginity with a Seinor [[Kellie Andes|Cheerleader]]; her [[china]] was sweeeeettt! Plus, as an [[ED|Anon]], I prefer to keep my add off of the web. I would not want Chris coming after my ass. The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages. I just enjoy getting the [[Laughs Under Lucricities|LULZ]] off of him.|JenkinsJinkies, the 14 year old [[homos|sodomite]] who had gay sex at the age of 7 and lost his [[virgin|virginity]] to a High School student beforehand. Who also lives directly [[14 Branchland Ct.|across the street]] from Chris.}}

Chris believed playing a troll who was [[Chris and Reality|legitimately]] afraid of Chris's wrath would totally convince [[Clyde Cash]] himself that he was legit. He also unsuccessfully tried to scare the trolls into thinking he was plotting to hunt them down, one by one. Several [[/cwc/|lesser]] trolls believed they were the first ones to realize that JenkinsJinkies was Chris, and blew the whistle every now and again, but such leaks were uncommon and generally most trolls played along.

==Trollin Train==

As the trolls began to tug on JenkinsJinkies's marionette strings, a [[Trollin Train|trolling forum]] entirely dedicated to making Chris paranoid was established. Despite all posts, members and threads being only a few days old, Chris was [[Naive|completely convinced]] that it was the official trolling hub, where all the nefarious plots made against him were conceived.

As if it weren't obvious enough that Junior Jenkins was Chris, he also went out of his way to praise Chris for his ingenious schemes for halting the trolls wicked plans and/or dissuade the trolls from even trying - often combining the two themes into the same post.

{{quote|I have to hand it to him, he makes it Frustrating to Troll Him. It's like we have to PAY AirFare or HitchHike Dangerously and do it Old-Fashioned with Accordian Cameras and shit like that.|JuniorJenkins, [[#Damn! (Wed 25 Aug 2010 5:42 am)|Trollin Train]], believing that everybody is as scared as spending more or travelling interstate as he is.}}

Junior Jenkins also had run-ins with the ghosts of [[Patti Chandler]] and seven year old Christopher Chandler as Chris inexplicably believed that trolls would be frightened by these events. They were not, and Jenkins was roundly mocked.

In another memorable event, Jenkins unsubtly asked for the numbers of the hookers [[Bryan Bash]] sent to Chris's house because Chris wanted sexy time.

==PS3 Destruction==

Trolling Train's most significant achievement came about when [[Surfshack Tito]] offered a number of "bounties" for achievements in trolling Chris, including a US$9,001 reward for anyone who could smash Chris's [[PS3]]. Due to a misinterpretation of Tito's criteria, Chris thought he could get the reward if ''he'' did the smashing and simply had Junior claim to witness it. The rest [[PS3#Destruction|is history]].

Though Chris [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|did not]] receive the $9,001, he managed to raise the money to buy a new PS3 over the course of a few days.

==See also==
*[[Trollin Train]]
*[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]]
*[[Disguises]]

{{stub}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

Animal Crossing

2011-02-19T11:15:38Z

Delabonte: Now with 100% less sperg

[[Image:CWCAnimalCrossing.jpg|thumb|''Animal Crossing'' for the Wii. So much for [[Nintendo]]'s overly neurotic online servers to keep [[Pedofork|pedophiles]] away from da kidz.]]
[[Image:Accityfolkschurchuad.jpg|thumb|Despite being only minor characters who made a cameo in the game (or so Nintendo informed Chris), Chris felt he should make a box art focusing on Sonichu and Rosechu.]]
[[Image:ChrisShirtACCF.jpg|thumb|While Chris's plans to add Sonichu and Rosechu as villagers in the Wii version weren't successful, Nintendo did produce a clothes line that uncannily matches Chris's fashion sense.]]

'''''Animal Crossing''''' by [[Nintendo]] was one of [[Chris]]'s favorite games before ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' came out. Worldwide, the game has been released in three incarnations: [[Wikipedia:Animal Crossing|''Animal Crossing'']] (GameCube), [[Wikipedia:Animal Crossing: Wild World|''Animal Crossing: Wild World'']] (DS) and [[Wikipedia:Animal Crossing: City Folk|''Animal Crossing: City Folk'']] (''Let's Go to the City'' for Europeans) (Wii).

==About ''Animal Crossing''==
All of the games in the series involve the player character moving in a town populated by animals, doing random jobs for them to earn rent money, go fishing, catch bugs, fill up the art/fossil/bug/fish collections at the local museum and in general, try to make the town a happy place to live.

In other words, everything Chris avoids doing in real life.

== Chris and ''Animal Crossing'' ==
The series obviously appeals to Chris: the milieu is a cartoony small rural town of bright happy colors, everyone in the city is nice to you, there's no violence at all, and most importantly, you're never in any hurry of doing anything. It's perfect for people who [[autism|avoid prickly-wicklies because they cause distress]] and [[stress|crash into slumber if they have to do anything particularly demanding]].

Aside of making the following weird and puzzling video productions, he has also picked up a few nuggets of wisdom from the games. Blathers, the owl who runs the museum in the games, has the habit of rambling about things you donate to the museum, until he realizes he's boring you, at which point he usually ends the infodump with "but I digress..." Chris said he picked up this phrase from the game, yet tends to use the phrase only in writing and not when he's actually boring people to tears in other forms of communication.

=== The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special ===
{{main|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special}}
Chris made this video in honor of his parents' anniversary. It would have been kind of cute if Chris was six at the time, but now it's just sad.

This video is highly noteworthy because it shows that Chris has created ''Animal Crossing'' characters for both Bob and Barbara. This wouldn't be exactly damning if he would have done that ''just'' for this video special, but it appears that the characters have fully decorated houses of their own...''and'' the house loans have been fully paid up (signified by the statues in front of the train station). Fully paying up the house loan takes an incredibly long time in game - and this video shows that he's done it ''at least'' four times, and probably more times in other cities in other memory cards.

=== ''Animal Crossing'' Documentary ===
{{main|Animal Crossing Documentary}}
The ''Animal Crossing'' Documentary, featuring Chris's incarnation of [[CWCville]] and [[CWCcity]] in the GC ''Animal Crossing'', is one of the great cinematic achievements Chris has made. Regular players of the game may notice a few things, such as the fact that while wasting time is unavoidable while playing this game, Chris is clearly wasting way too much time on this game. And that even when he fully paid his mortgage, he still had no idea how to sell multiple items at once.

=== Sonichu and Rosechu as characters ===
{{main|Miyamoto Saga}}
In 2009 a genius troll concocted a screenshot of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] as playable characters and told Chris Nintendo was planning to release them on his 27th birthday, but - for some mysterious reason - this plan never came to fruition.

<gallery style="margin: 0px auto 0px auto;">
Image:CWCShirtAC.jpg|You too can dress like Chris!
Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Approval for ACCityFolk.jpg|Sonichu and Rosechu. Can you spot the Rosechu pattern? I can't.
Image:ACCityFolkSonichuRosechu.jpg|Chris's drawing of the Sonichu and Rosechu characters for the game, with special instructions on how they should be made, dated '06 [[January 2009]].
</gallery>

=== Chris's Sonichu ''Animal Crossing'' cards ===
Chris made a bunch of character cards for GameCube ''Animal Crossing''.

Of note is that he didn't bother to download a code generator or anything - he just copied random codes from real cards.

{{collapsible
|Chris's ''Animal Crossing'' Cards
|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:088-ACCWC.jpg
Image:097-ACCWCBck.jpg
Image:123-ACCChan.jpg
Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:164-ACSonee.jpg
Image:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:207-ACMetonic.jpg
Image:208-CMetonicBck.jpg
Image:214-ACUltSchu.jpg
Image:215-ACUltSchuBck.jpg
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg
Image:229-ACRchu.jpg
Image:230-ACRchuBck.jpg
Image:231-ACRosey.jpg
Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg
Image:243-ACVamprosa.jpg
Image:244-ACVamprosaBck.jpg
Image:248-ACBchu.jpg
Image:249-ACBchuBck.jpg
Image:257-ACWild.jpg
Image:258-ACWildBck.jpg
Image:262-ACBubbles.jpg
Image:263-ACBubblesBck.jpg
Image:267-ACAngelica.jpg
Image:268-ACAngelicaBck.jpg
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg
Image:277-ACMagi.jpg
Image:278-ACMagiBck.jpg
Image:283-ACFlame.jpg
Image:284-ACFlameBck.jpg
Image:286-ACBionic.jpg
Image:287-ACBionicBck.jpg
Image:290-ACWes.jpg
Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg
Image:292-ACWesLi.jpg
Image:293-ACWesLiBck.jpg
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:314-ACMegagi.jpg
Image:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg
Image:381-ACNaitsirhc.jpg
Image:382-ACNaitsirhcBck.jpg
Image:383-ACKel.jpg
Image:384-ACKelBck.jpg
</gallery>}}

=== Chris-chan's ''Animal Crossing'' friend codes ===
* ''City Folk'': 4124-9531-8122
* ''Wild World'': 0558-9666-5003 *bricked by yours truly*

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Animal Crossing - Wii Box.jpg
Image:AnimalCrissingCWCEdition.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]
*[[Shigeru Miyamoto]]
*[[Takashi Tezuka]]

[[Category:Video Games]]

R.L. Stine

2011-02-16T07:17:33Z

Delabonte: Seriously, worst article ever

[[image:Stine.jpg|thumb|left|They even look the same GODDAMN!]]

'''Robert Lawrence [[Chris and Race#Jews|Stine]]''', famed author of the childrens' horror series ''Goosebumps'', is frequently cited by Chris as a major literary influence.<ref>[[Mumble 4]]</ref>

Whereas most children get over R.L Stine novels by the end of primary school once they discover meatier and more sophisticated fiction in line with their intellectual and emotional development, Chris remained an ardent fan of his work well into high school. Any inferences one may make from this are entirely correct.

==Mentions==

Chris saluted R.L Stine in his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] naming him as an "inspiration" in high school.

[[Image:RLSTINE.jpg|thumb|Christian posing as a harmless young boy with his favorite book.]]

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/r_l_stine.html R. L. Stine Quotes]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Stine, R.L.}}
[[Category:People]]

Talk:Autism Tutorial Part 6

2011-02-16T07:07:57Z

Delabonte:

Transcribitizing. [[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] 15:12, 13 February 2011 (CST)
* Done. Now on to [[Asperchu|more important things]]. [[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] 15:29, 13 February 2011 (CST)
**Thanks for all the work, bro. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 13:33, 13 February 2011 (PST)

{{Not A Forum}}
I figured it out now. "Mic" (red hair) is Chris's "PLATONIC friend", and "Nonette" (blonde hair) is another girl that Mic introduced to Chris. Yep. -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 20:15, 13 February 2011 (PST)

It seems following his discussion of Mic, Chris becomes strangely coherent, and his voice moreso authoritative. Any one else notice this?
-[[User:cwchantor|cwchantor]] 23:15, 15 February 2011 (MT)
:All these LBP videos showcase greatly improved speech patterns. Maybe the way the sackboys bob could have a metronomic effect. Anyone with knowledge of that kind of thing see if it syncs up? --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 22:28, 15 February 2011 (PST)

Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)

2011-02-15T15:31:55Z

Delabonte:

''For other uses of "PVCC", see [[PVCC|the disambiguation page]].''
{{protip|If you want an account, go to hell.}}
[[Image:PVCClogo.png|thumb|right|The Dean's in her office, all's right with the world]]

The Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (a.k.a PVCC) is an internet forum inhabited by [[trolls|elite trolls]] and ruled by [[Cogsdev]].

==History of site==

The PVCC was created as a place for Chris discussion after the ED talk page was locked. Anything else beyond that is a mystery that has since been lost in the mists of time.

== External links ==
*[http://pvcc.cogsdev.org/forum/ PVCC]

[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)

2011-02-15T15:31:24Z

Delabonte:

''For other uses of "PVCC", see [[PVCC|the disambiguation page]].''
{{protip|If you want an account, go to hell.}}
[[Image:PVCClogo.png|thumb|right|The Dean's in her office, all's right with the world]]

The Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (a.k.a PVCC) is an internet forum inhabited by [[elite trolls|trolls]] and ruled by [[Cogsdev]].

==History of site==

The PVCC was created as a place for Chris discussion after the ED talk page was locked. Anything else beyond that is a mystery that has since been lost in the mists of time.

== External links ==
*[http://pvcc.cogsdev.org/forum/ PVCC]

[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

/cow/

2011-02-15T15:25:48Z

Delabonte:

{{Namefaggotry}}

[[Image:Redbackground.jpg|thumb|All it took was words and a red gradient to keep Chris away]]

'''/cwc/''' (aka '''Krapple''', '''Legi0n''' and '''789chan''') is a [[Chris]]-related image board.

[[Ivy]] has alleged that Chris had discovered the site, based on a tip off from a successful [[white knight]]. Fortunately, his response was that the [[CWCipedia|colors]] [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|bothered]] him and that there were "[[Chris and writing|too many words]]." In other words don't flatter yourself - Chris will never read anything you say there.

On 1 [[November 2009]], /cwc/, as well as the entire Krapple board, was permanently deleted for CEO having ''terabytes'' of [[anime]] on server space. It was brought back soon after on a spin-off chan on Legi0n.

/cwc/ is second only to [[EDF]] for being the worst place on the internet for information as it is mostly frequented by Autistic virgins (not unlike Chris) who engage in pointless speculation and who secretly long to join the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]].

==Derivative boards==
Due to the high volume of posts on /cwc/, the Legi0n staff decided to create additional, more specific chris-related boards. '''/cxc/''' (fanfics and copypastas), '''/kcwc/''' (chris-related songs/music videos), '''/CWCrt/''' (so faggots have a place to post their shitty trolling schemes), and''' /library/''' (to archive threads of major importance).

==IRC==
[[Image:anonchris.jpg|thumb|Typical /cwc/ user]]

/cwc/ had an irc channel located on Helldive, a network operated by insurgent and former [[ED]] sysop januszeal. It served as a hangout for various Krapplefags as well as some [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] members and trolls from various other communities.

== The End of Legi0n ==
As of August 27th, 2010, Legi0n ended service and the Chris related boards were moved to [http://789chan.org 789chan].

== External links ==
*[http://789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/'s current incarnation]
**[http://789chan.org/cxc/ /cxc/, a board for Chris related fanfiction]
**[http://789chan.org/kcwc/ /kcwc/, a board for Chris related music]
**[http://789chan.org/library/ /library/, a board for archiving important /cwc/ threads]
*<s>[http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/ old /cwc/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/cxc/ old /cxc/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/kcwc/ old /kcwc/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/CWCrt/ old /CWCrt/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/library/ old /library/]</s> Defunct
*[irc://irc.789chan.org:6667/789chan 789chan IRC, the new /cwc/ channel]
*<s>[irc://irc.helldive.net:6667/legi0n Legi0n IRC (only for legi0npedia at this point)]</s> Defunct
*<s>[http://wiki.legi0n.info Legi0npedia, official wiki of Legi0n]</s> Defunct
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Legi0n ED on Legi0n]

{{DEFAULTSORT:cwc}}
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

/cow/

2011-02-15T15:24:31Z

Delabonte:

{{Namefaggotry}}

[[Image:Redbackground.jpg|thumb|All it took was words and a red gradient to keep Chris away]]

'''/cwc/''' (aka '''Krapple''', '''Legi0n''' and '''789chan''') is a [[Chris]]-related image board.

[[Ivy]] has alleged that Chris had discovered the site, based on a tip off from a successful [[white knight]]. Fortunately, his response was that the [[CWCipedia|colors]] [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|bothered]] him and that there were "[[Chris and writing|too many words]]." In other words don't flatter yourself - Chris will never read anything you say there.

On 1 [[November 2009]], /cwc/, as well as the entire Krapple board, was permanently deleted for CEO having ''terabytes'' of [[anime]] on server space. It was brought back soon after on a spin-off chan on Legi0n.

/cwc/ is second only to [[EDF]] for being the worst place on the internet for information as it is mostly frequented by Autistic virgins (not unlike Chris) who engage in pointless speculation and who secretly long to join the [[PVCC (message board|PVCC]].

==Derivative boards==
Due to the high volume of posts on /cwc/, the Legi0n staff decided to create additional, more specific chris-related boards. '''/cxc/''' (fanfics and copypastas), '''/kcwc/''' (chris-related songs/music videos), '''/CWCrt/''' (so faggots have a place to post their shitty trolling schemes), and''' /library/''' (to archive threads of major importance).

==IRC==
[[Image:anonchris.jpg|thumb|Typical /cwc/ user]]

/cwc/ had an irc channel located on Helldive, a network operated by insurgent and former [[ED]] sysop januszeal. It served as a hangout for various Krapplefags as well as some [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] members and trolls from various other communities.

== The End of Legi0n ==
As of August 27th, 2010, Legi0n ended service and the Chris related boards were moved to [http://789chan.org 789chan].

== External links ==
*[http://789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/'s current incarnation]
**[http://789chan.org/cxc/ /cxc/, a board for Chris related fanfiction]
**[http://789chan.org/kcwc/ /kcwc/, a board for Chris related music]
**[http://789chan.org/library/ /library/, a board for archiving important /cwc/ threads]
*<s>[http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/ old /cwc/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/cxc/ old /cxc/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/kcwc/ old /kcwc/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/CWCrt/ old /CWCrt/]</s> Defunct
**<s>[http://legi0n.info/library/ old /library/]</s> Defunct
*[irc://irc.789chan.org:6667/789chan 789chan IRC, the new /cwc/ channel]
*<s>[irc://irc.helldive.net:6667/legi0n Legi0n IRC (only for legi0npedia at this point)]</s> Defunct
*<s>[http://wiki.legi0n.info Legi0npedia, official wiki of Legi0n]</s> Defunct
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Legi0n ED on Legi0n]

{{DEFAULTSORT:cwc}}
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

User:Clydec

2011-02-15T15:16:25Z

Delabonte:

== I AM GOING TO OVERTHROW YOU CHAMP ==
AND KILL YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:13, 15 January 2011 (PST)
* AND RAPE YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
** AND MOLEST YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:32, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*** YOU CAN DO ALL THAT BUT YOU CAN'T WORK ON RABBICHOSO -- [[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 17:45, 5 February 2011 (PST)
**** DAMN IT JERK -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:47, 5 February 2011 (PST)
Rabbichoso sucks.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 02:34, 6 February 2011 (PST)

== CWCki Improvement Team ==
The objective is to make the CWCki less gay.
Members:
*Delabonte

If you feel like you qualify, please put your name here:

* [[User:Ronichu]] - No idea what this is but it sounds good. Gimme a list of shit to do and I'll do it. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 14:42, 8 February 2011 (PST)
** Go through every article and delete stupid shit. Bad jokes. Stupid jokes. Retarded memes. Speculation. The works. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:23, 8 February 2011 (PST)
* Well, I've already gone through and changed references of Chris's misogyny to chauvanism, since Chris is more of a chauvanist than he is a misogynist, so I'm game to play janitor on here. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:00, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** I hope you're joking. That's not helping at all. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:46, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* I'll sign up... I found a minor inconsistency regarding GameSpot/Game Place. I think the new Autism transcripts might need some minor editing... but if there are more pressing needs let me know. --[[User:Darkspecteranon|Darkspecteranon]] 23:11, 14 February 2011 (PST)

Make things concise. No more sperging walls of text on obscure topics. No more opinion. No more speculation. No more Ronichu. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:16, 15 February 2011 (PST)
*Also you shouldn't need us to tell you what to do. If you do you shouldn't be here. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:16, 15 February 2011 (PST)

== Q AND A HERE ==
start here:

Why do you not return my calls?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 15:00, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*because i have caller id -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:02, 9 February 2011 (PST)

Do you regret/wish you hadn't done something during your time trolling Chris? [[User:PerilousSquall|PerilousSquall]] 18:43, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* i dunno -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:48, 9 February 2011 (PST)

How does it feel to be responsible for the drought according to legi0n?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 18:50, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* yeah i know. i totally caused it. feels good man -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]]

I read somewhere on ED that you're involved in at least one other trolling scheme. How does the manchild compare to trolling other lulcows? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:15, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* chris is dead. people need to learn to move on. chris was just something a bit bigger and probably got out of hand imo -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Is it difficult balancing trolling with fighting for freedom in China? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 20:35, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*I think someone's been listening to Guns n' Roses "Chinese Democracy" album. --[[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 02:11, 10, February 2011 (EST)
**Shut up. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 12:52, 11 February 2011 (PST)
** this is how i fight for freedom. once i expose american failures to the public, i will destroy america's status as superpower. duh -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)
***You rock, good sir. Or should I say "That Clyde is a pretty cool guy. eh pwns Americunts and doesnt afraid of anything..."? [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] 20:53, 10 February 2011 (PST)
**** shut the fuck up -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Hey Clyde. I've always been curious, what is your favorite video game(s), and favorite video game console(s)? --[[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 01:19, 10 February 2011 (EST)
* super mario galaxy 2 goty all years -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hyper sleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening and how many wraths to the nearest molton? [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:35, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* 7 -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

If you could go back in time and change one major historical event, what would it be and why? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:01, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* hitler's suicide. he had a lot more to accomplish. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Question from Ivy: "I am taller than you. Will you go back to China and do the taller surgery thing to be taller than me someday?" --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* "PS- Even in Heaven, I am taller than you." --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:36, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** fuck you -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 14:04, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Where did you very first discover Chris? Was it on /v/ or /b/? Also, what was the first move you made to troll Chris? I know Medic takes alot of the credit for the early days of CWC trolling, did he really have a big effect or was most of it handed to him? [[User:Nigroid|Nigroid]] 17:25, 10 February 2011 (PST)
*/v/ and medic did jack shit. the only person of note who did anything was evan. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

What is love? [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 19:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* love -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Do you and the PVCC cabal really have Chris's email, voicemail, etc. under surveillance to protect against white knights and overly noobish trolls? [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] 20:53, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* no but i have his ps3 if that counts -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

You wouldn't happen to know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, would you?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:08, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* because it's full of fucking sugar and kids love that shit -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:46, 11 February 2011 (PST)

I have 2 questions actually... 1) What's the meaning of life? and 2) Why did you decide to start trolling Chris of all people? (not that I'm complaining) --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:37, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* 1. because -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)
* 2. bcuz i was naive and young back then. those were the days my friend. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Is the PVCC kind of boring? [[User:Barachulove|Barachulove]] 23:17, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* if you're looking for chris shit, super boringo. there's like one user who keeps annoying everyone about chris shit and everyone's like shut up we're talking about donkey kong country returns now and he's like but wait can't we and we're like SHUT THE FUCK UP CHRIST and we lock his topics because that's how we fucking roll seriously it's like a stupid generic message board now the only reason we couldn't want to let people in is because it is a small tight knit community or smoething and really if you wanted to join you'd have been in #sonichu and we chillin with us and we'd let you in because that's the type of person we'd want in that community who shares the same interests and feelings you know because we got that same type of emotional connection but not in a gay way dude but like friendship like in that game mortal kombat you know -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

You are crazy. Agreed?--[[User:WeirdGuy|WeirdGuy]]
*fuck off -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Chinese Democracy the album sucked. Does this lower the bar for actual democracy in China? [[User:Massive Dynamic|Massive Dynamic]] 17:00, 12 February 2011 (PST)
*chinese people don't even listen to rock and roll. they only listen to classical mozart. or else -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:02, 12 February 2011 (PST)

==Math Questions go here==
[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:32, 11 February 2011 (PST)

User:Clydec

2011-02-15T15:15:27Z

Delabonte:

== I AM GOING TO OVERTHROW YOU CHAMP ==
AND KILL YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:13, 15 January 2011 (PST)
* AND RAPE YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
** AND MOLEST YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:32, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*** YOU CAN DO ALL THAT BUT YOU CAN'T WORK ON RABBICHOSO -- [[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 17:45, 5 February 2011 (PST)
**** DAMN IT JERK -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:47, 5 February 2011 (PST)
Rabbichoso sucks.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 02:34, 6 February 2011 (PST)

== CWCki Improvement Team ==
The objective is to make the CWCki less gay.
Members:
*Delabonte

If you feel like you qualify, please put your name here:

* [[User:Ronichu]] - No idea what this is but it sounds good. Gimme a list of shit to do and I'll do it. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 14:42, 8 February 2011 (PST)
** Go through every article and delete stupid shit. Bad jokes. Stupid jokes. Retarded memes. Speculation. The works. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:23, 8 February 2011 (PST)
* Well, I've already gone through and changed references of Chris's misogyny to chauvanism, since Chris is more of a chauvanist than he is a misogynist, so I'm game to play janitor on here. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:00, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** I hope you're joking. That's not helping at all. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:46, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* I'll sign up... I found a minor inconsistency regarding GameSpot/Game Place. I think the new Autism transcripts might need some minor editing... but if there are more pressing needs let me know. --[[User:Darkspecteranon|Darkspecteranon]] 23:11, 14 February 2011 (PST)

Make things concise. No more sperging walls of text on obscure topics. No more opinion. No more speculation. No more Ronichu. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:15, 15 February 2011 (PST)

== Q AND A HERE ==
start here:

Why do you not return my calls?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 15:00, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*because i have caller id -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:02, 9 February 2011 (PST)

Do you regret/wish you hadn't done something during your time trolling Chris? [[User:PerilousSquall|PerilousSquall]] 18:43, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* i dunno -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:48, 9 February 2011 (PST)

How does it feel to be responsible for the drought according to legi0n?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 18:50, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* yeah i know. i totally caused it. feels good man -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]]

I read somewhere on ED that you're involved in at least one other trolling scheme. How does the manchild compare to trolling other lulcows? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:15, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* chris is dead. people need to learn to move on. chris was just something a bit bigger and probably got out of hand imo -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Is it difficult balancing trolling with fighting for freedom in China? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 20:35, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*I think someone's been listening to Guns n' Roses "Chinese Democracy" album. --[[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 02:11, 10, February 2011 (EST)
**Shut up. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 12:52, 11 February 2011 (PST)
** this is how i fight for freedom. once i expose american failures to the public, i will destroy america's status as superpower. duh -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)
***You rock, good sir. Or should I say "That Clyde is a pretty cool guy. eh pwns Americunts and doesnt afraid of anything..."? [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] 20:53, 10 February 2011 (PST)
**** shut the fuck up -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Hey Clyde. I've always been curious, what is your favorite video game(s), and favorite video game console(s)? --[[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 01:19, 10 February 2011 (EST)
* super mario galaxy 2 goty all years -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hyper sleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening and how many wraths to the nearest molton? [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:35, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* 7 -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

If you could go back in time and change one major historical event, what would it be and why? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:01, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* hitler's suicide. he had a lot more to accomplish. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Question from Ivy: "I am taller than you. Will you go back to China and do the taller surgery thing to be taller than me someday?" --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* "PS- Even in Heaven, I am taller than you." --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:36, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** fuck you -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 14:04, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Where did you very first discover Chris? Was it on /v/ or /b/? Also, what was the first move you made to troll Chris? I know Medic takes alot of the credit for the early days of CWC trolling, did he really have a big effect or was most of it handed to him? [[User:Nigroid|Nigroid]] 17:25, 10 February 2011 (PST)
*/v/ and medic did jack shit. the only person of note who did anything was evan. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

What is love? [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 19:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* love -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Do you and the PVCC cabal really have Chris's email, voicemail, etc. under surveillance to protect against white knights and overly noobish trolls? [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] 20:53, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* no but i have his ps3 if that counts -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

You wouldn't happen to know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, would you?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:08, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* because it's full of fucking sugar and kids love that shit -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:46, 11 February 2011 (PST)

I have 2 questions actually... 1) What's the meaning of life? and 2) Why did you decide to start trolling Chris of all people? (not that I'm complaining) --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:37, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* 1. because -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)
* 2. bcuz i was naive and young back then. those were the days my friend. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Is the PVCC kind of boring? [[User:Barachulove|Barachulove]] 23:17, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* if you're looking for chris shit, super boringo. there's like one user who keeps annoying everyone about chris shit and everyone's like shut up we're talking about donkey kong country returns now and he's like but wait can't we and we're like SHUT THE FUCK UP CHRIST and we lock his topics because that's how we fucking roll seriously it's like a stupid generic message board now the only reason we couldn't want to let people in is because it is a small tight knit community or smoething and really if you wanted to join you'd have been in #sonichu and we chillin with us and we'd let you in because that's the type of person we'd want in that community who shares the same interests and feelings you know because we got that same type of emotional connection but not in a gay way dude but like friendship like in that game mortal kombat you know -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

You are crazy. Agreed?--[[User:WeirdGuy|WeirdGuy]]
*fuck off -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Chinese Democracy the album sucked. Does this lower the bar for actual democracy in China? [[User:Massive Dynamic|Massive Dynamic]] 17:00, 12 February 2011 (PST)
*chinese people don't even listen to rock and roll. they only listen to classical mozart. or else -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:02, 12 February 2011 (PST)

==Math Questions go here==
[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:32, 11 February 2011 (PST)

Autism Tutorial Part 4

2011-02-15T15:02:24Z

Delabonte:

In '''Autism Tutorial Part 4''', [[Chris]] uses his ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' soapbox to rail at society at large for ignoring him, not letting him do whatever ''he'' wants, and shunning him for being creepy.

Chris starts off by describing [[Charlottesville]], and how it should be what he wants to replace the [[internet]]: "a social hotspring." However, Chris being Chris, he doesn't seem to understand why people avoid him in public, and blames some moral deficiency present in everyone else. Chris tries to demonstrate how [[Attraction Sign|socializing]] with him should work (SPOILER: everyone else does the work). He again demands respect, in what must be another ineffectual attempt to restore his reputation.

==Video==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|qZXJ1SO0w58}}</Center>

===Transcript===

''(Chris's voice is trembling with obvious [[stress]] throughout the entirety of the presentation)''

Only about ten miles south of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]], is ''[[Charlottesville]]'' Virginia, historic home town of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Jefferson Mr. Thomas Jefferson], [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_monroe Mr. James Monroe], and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Madison Mr. James Madison]. Lewis and Clark also started their famous expedition from this area.

The expensive [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] of downtown Charlottesville houses a number of [[The GAMe PLACe|small businesses]], as well as the show-stopping pavilion tent and the Paramount Theatre. This, as well as the Fashion Square Shopping Centre, should ''both'' be social watering holes, but for me, sadly, ''they are not.''

Anywhere herein, even including the bars and events like [[Fridays After Five]], nobody will even look or say hello to me. And of course the internet reputation I have against me... sadly thanks to those gross people that have taken my information... and... ''s-s-strew it around'' in their [[Lies|misconceptions of weirdness, twisting everything.]] I've already gotten into how bad that has half-fected me and how emotionally scarred I have a been. Back to social life, the [[autism]] increases my shyness, so I ''hardly'' have even the basic instinct to just say "hello" to anyone, or even open up so easily with trust. I need other people to come up and talk to me fir- (Abrupt jump-cut)

[[File:ShecameforCWC_(200803).JPG|thumb|right|Chris being a good friend.]]
Allow me to make it perfectly clear about who I am so I am not misunderstood erroneously with the internet that's against me: My name is [[Christian Weston Chandler]], high-functioning autistic [[Chris and art|artist]]. I am [[Chris and anger|kind]], [[Chris and remorse|caring]], [[Chris and death|empathetic]], [[Stress|emotional]], a [[Chris and his Ego|good friend]], a ''loyal'' friend, cautious and weary, ''trustworthy''. Mostly [[Honest Content|honest]]. I do not like to [[Lies|lie]]. I would only lie to protect the other person's feelings out of care and respect. [[Ryan Cash|I]] [[Mike Jackson|AM]] [[Homos|NOT]] [[Megan|A]] [[Kacey|MONSTER]]! I am a caring, emotional, feeling, [[Homos|heterosexual]] human being! And [[Chris and Hypocrisy|I should be treated equally]], and respected as SUCH!

([[stress]]-[[sigh]]) Sadly back here in real life, everyone is in their ''[[CWCville|own dang world]]''. Snobbish, snooty... to even give care to ''one person'' who only has [[Trolls|few friends]] within the city, uh- that is Mr. Jefferson's hometown. Not even as much acquaintances, I feel invisible in public, and it's very sad to me. (stress-sigh) At least I do have [[Mic|one friend]] who cares about me around here. Unfortunately she refuses to go beyond [[Friend Zone|just friends]], but I care about her just the same anyway, because that is the kind of guy I am.

''(The sackpeople stare at each other like retards for the remaining few seconds of video)''

[''Subtitles:'']
[''Hey, Chris.'']
[''Hey, Mic. I have friends to introduce you to. Follow me to El Kono(?).'']
[''Really?! That Is Awesome. Let's go.'']

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Autism Tutorial Part 3

2011-02-15T14:57:43Z

Delabonte:

In '''Autism Tutorial Part 3''', any pretense that [[Chris]]'s ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' tutorial has anything to do with informing the public about [[autism]] is abandoned, and Chris instead goes into full-on sob story mode about his struggle. First he revisits his magical [[high school]] years. He admits that he's bitter about not getting [[china]] in high school, and spruiks the much vaunted [[dating education]]. Chris then reenacts his graduation tantrum, and rambles about how much his life has sucked since then. He finishes by wishing that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] get fired because she refused to accept his insincere apology after he slandered her all over the internet, and that the Game Place burn to the ground with [[Michael Snyder]] in it.

tl;dr: Chris hasn't gotten over high school or past grudges.

==Video==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|Q11Xw6RgqNQ}}</Center>

===Transcript===

Back in my teenage years at [[Manchester High School]] of Midlothian, [[Virginia]], I really felt emotionally rich, because I had a [[Lies|great number of friends]], the closest and majority of were some sweet girls.

(Long sequence of Chris and a [[gal-pal]] looking at each other and smiling)

My circle of [[gal-pals]] was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for. They understood me, and [[Chris_and_his_Ego|I understood]] [[Women%27s_rights|them]]. [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan_is_scarred_by_ShecameforCWC.JPG|We appreciated each other]]. We hung out, conversed, and hung out y- between within our classes, like home-ec and, uh, [[Reality|science, and math]], and even [[Chris and English|english]], and sometimes we would help each other out. [[Fail|It was the best of times... pretty much.]] And even though [[lie|I even]] had a high school [[Gal-Pals|sweetheart]] like most would, and the quality throughout was great. And would be most appreciated by ''any'' person, autistic or not.

Sadly though, about my high school years, of which I can only complain about were two things, and I did not realize these til after I graduated. Actually one I realized uh, mid-graduation. But after graduation I realized that I was [[naive]] on the subject of dating throughout high school. The mandatory sexual education class is good for after [[Third Date|date number three]] and so, but how do we even get to date number one? That's my question. I really would've appreciated a mandatory [[Dating education|DATING EDUCATION]] CLASS, alongside sexual education. Also, [[F Abstinance|abstinence]] is a JOKE. The virgin-breaker needs to happen BEFORE adulthood arrives, because being an adult [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] SUUUCKS. Even for us autistics and [[Slow-in-the-mind|mentally challenged]].

And the second thing about my high school years that can- can- I would complain about is my high school graduation ceremony. It was a very depressing day, it was raining, it was dark, it was dreary. Anyway, I went got- went up and got my diploma, and uh, I did not shake anybody's hand. It- I mean, there were important people there, I did not shake anybody's hand, I just grabbed my diploma, [[Fail|cried then, ran off the stage]], went into a back room, sat at a- sat at a table by myself for a little while. Then my best gal-pal [[Tiffany Gowen|Tif]] met up with me and uh, she made me feel a little better. (voice turns wistful) Really love to, uh, see her again, at least [[Rape|hang out]] or a little while.

My high school years were the best and most emotionally ''encouraging'' for me. But after graduation in 2000 and moving back to lame [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersrville]]... it was all downhill for me. My adult years ''suck''. And I'm soon to turn 29. I left my heart back at Manchester High in Midlothian.

I grad- I also graduated from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] with a uh, degree in [[CADD|computer-aided drafting and design]], but that- and that graduation went better for me, because I did not have so many fr- I did not have many friends back there. And plus, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] [[Chris and his ego|just plain hated me.]] ''(voice creaks on the verge of recognizing own faults)'' Obvi- And obviously I uh, talked ill about her in [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] that I [[Chris and art|drew]], portrayed her as a witch... ''(voice fills with self-righteous rationalization)'' She made it apparent that it was illegal to find true love in the state of [[Virginia]]! And that [[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia was a state for VIRGINS]]... ([[stress]]-[[sigh]]) She still ticked me off, I mean, even after I apologized to her for portraying her the way that I did in my books, she would not accept my apology and she banned me from the grounds of Piedmont Virginia Community College! That's a- one hell of a thank you for an apology, or an apology acceptance. Obviously she did not accept my apology. I hope she gets fired, period! And I also hope that the [[The GAMe PLACe|Game and Hobby Place]] in [[Charlottesville]]... [[Chris and anger|BURNS TO THE GROUND]]! [[Death threats|ALONG WITH]] [[Michael Snyder|MICHAEL SNYDER]]!

Agh, that's all my ranting for right now.

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 4]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Autism Tutorial Part 3

2011-02-15T14:57:06Z

Delabonte:

In '''Autism Tutorial Part 3''', any pretense that [[Chris]]'s ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' tutorial has anything to do with informing the public about [[autism]] is abandoned, and Chris instead goes into full-on sob story mode about his struggle. First he revisits his magical [[high school]] years. He admits that he's bitter about not getting [[china]] in high school, and spruiks the much vaunted [[dating education]]. Chris then reenacts his graduation tantrum, and rambles about how much his life has sucked since then. He finishes by wishing that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] get fired because she refused to accept his insincere apology after he slandered her all over the internet, and that the Game Place burns to the ground with [[Michael Snyder]] in it.

tl;dr: Chris hasn't gotten over high school or past grudges.

==Video==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|Q11Xw6RgqNQ}}</Center>

===Transcript===

Back in my teenage years at [[Manchester High School]] of Midlothian, [[Virginia]], I really felt emotionally rich, because I had a [[Lies|great number of friends]], the closest and majority of were some sweet girls.

(Long sequence of Chris and a [[gal-pal]] looking at each other and smiling)

My circle of [[gal-pals]] was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for. They understood me, and [[Chris_and_his_Ego|I understood]] [[Women%27s_rights|them]]. [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan_is_scarred_by_ShecameforCWC.JPG|We appreciated each other]]. We hung out, conversed, and hung out y- between within our classes, like home-ec and, uh, [[Reality|science, and math]], and even [[Chris and English|english]], and sometimes we would help each other out. [[Fail|It was the best of times... pretty much.]] And even though [[lie|I even]] had a high school [[Gal-Pals|sweetheart]] like most would, and the quality throughout was great. And would be most appreciated by ''any'' person, autistic or not.

Sadly though, about my high school years, of which I can only complain about were two things, and I did not realize these til after I graduated. Actually one I realized uh, mid-graduation. But after graduation I realized that I was [[naive]] on the subject of dating throughout high school. The mandatory sexual education class is good for after [[Third Date|date number three]] and so, but how do we even get to date number one? That's my question. I really would've appreciated a mandatory [[Dating education|DATING EDUCATION]] CLASS, alongside sexual education. Also, [[F Abstinance|abstinence]] is a JOKE. The virgin-breaker needs to happen BEFORE adulthood arrives, because being an adult [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] SUUUCKS. Even for us autistics and [[Slow-in-the-mind|mentally challenged]].

And the second thing about my high school years that can- can- I would complain about is my high school graduation ceremony. It was a very depressing day, it was raining, it was dark, it was dreary. Anyway, I went got- went up and got my diploma, and uh, I did not shake anybody's hand. It- I mean, there were important people there, I did not shake anybody's hand, I just grabbed my diploma, [[Fail|cried then, ran off the stage]], went into a back room, sat at a- sat at a table by myself for a little while. Then my best gal-pal [[Tiffany Gowen|Tif]] met up with me and uh, she made me feel a little better. (voice turns wistful) Really love to, uh, see her again, at least [[Rape|hang out]] or a little while.

My high school years were the best and most emotionally ''encouraging'' for me. But after graduation in 2000 and moving back to lame [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersrville]]... it was all downhill for me. My adult years ''suck''. And I'm soon to turn 29. I left my heart back at Manchester High in Midlothian.

I grad- I also graduated from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] with a uh, degree in [[CADD|computer-aided drafting and design]], but that- and that graduation went better for me, because I did not have so many fr- I did not have many friends back there. And plus, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] [[Chris and his ego|just plain hated me.]] ''(voice creaks on the verge of recognizing own faults)'' Obvi- And obviously I uh, talked ill about her in [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] that I [[Chris and art|drew]], portrayed her as a witch... ''(voice fills with self-righteous rationalization)'' She made it apparent that it was illegal to find true love in the state of [[Virginia]]! And that [[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia was a state for VIRGINS]]... ([[stress]]-[[sigh]]) She still ticked me off, I mean, even after I apologized to her for portraying her the way that I did in my books, she would not accept my apology and she banned me from the grounds of Piedmont Virginia Community College! That's a- one hell of a thank you for an apology, or an apology acceptance. Obviously she did not accept my apology. I hope she gets fired, period! And I also hope that the [[The GAMe PLACe|Game and Hobby Place]] in [[Charlottesville]]... [[Chris and anger|BURNS TO THE GROUND]]! [[Death threats|ALONG WITH]] [[Michael Snyder|MICHAEL SNYDER]]!

Agh, that's all my ranting for right now.

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 4]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Autism Tutorial Part 3

2011-02-15T14:54:02Z

Delabonte:

In '''Autism Tutorial Part 3''', any pretense that [[Chris]]'s ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' tutorial has anything to do with informing the public about [[autism]] is abandoned, and Chris instead goes into full-on sob story mode about his struggle. First he revisits his magical [[high school]] years. He admits that he's bitter about not getting [[china]] in high school, and spruiks the much vaunted [[dating education]]. Chris then reenacts his graduation tantrum, and rambles about how much his life has sucked since then. He finishes the the level by [[Anger|tard raging]] over [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]]'s treatment of him.

tl;dr: Chris hasn't gotten over high school.

==Video==

<Center>{{#ev:youtube|Q11Xw6RgqNQ}}</Center>

===Transcript===

Back in my teenage years at [[Manchester High School]] of Midlothian, [[Virginia]], I really felt emotionally rich, because I had a [[Lies|great number of friends]], the closest and majority of were some sweet girls.

(Long sequence of Chris and a [[gal-pal]] looking at each other and smiling)

My circle of [[gal-pals]] was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for. They understood me, and [[Chris_and_his_Ego|I understood]] [[Women%27s_rights|them]]. [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan_is_scarred_by_ShecameforCWC.JPG|We appreciated each other]]. We hung out, conversed, and hung out y- between within our classes, like home-ec and, uh, [[Reality|science, and math]], and even [[Chris and English|english]], and sometimes we would help each other out. [[Fail|It was the best of times... pretty much.]] And even though [[lie|I even]] had a high school [[Gal-Pals|sweetheart]] like most would, and the quality throughout was great. And would be most appreciated by ''any'' person, autistic or not.

Sadly though, about my high school years, of which I can only complain about were two things, and I did not realize these til after I graduated. Actually one I realized uh, mid-graduation. But after graduation I realized that I was [[naive]] on the subject of dating throughout high school. The mandatory sexual education class is good for after [[Third Date|date number three]] and so, but how do we even get to date number one? That's my question. I really would've appreciated a mandatory [[Dating education|DATING EDUCATION]] CLASS, alongside sexual education. Also, [[F Abstinance|abstinence]] is a JOKE. The virgin-breaker needs to happen BEFORE adulthood arrives, because being an adult [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] SUUUCKS. Even for us autistics and [[Slow-in-the-mind|mentally challenged]].

And the second thing about my high school years that can- can- I would complain about is my high school graduation ceremony. It was a very depressing day, it was raining, it was dark, it was dreary. Anyway, I went got- went up and got my diploma, and uh, I did not shake anybody's hand. It- I mean, there were important people there, I did not shake anybody's hand, I just grabbed my diploma, [[Fail|cried then, ran off the stage]], went into a back room, sat at a- sat at a table by myself for a little while. Then my best gal-pal [[Tiffany Gowen|Tif]] met up with me and uh, she made me feel a little better. (voice turns wistful) Really love to, uh, see her again, at least [[Rape|hang out]] or a little while.

My high school years were the best and most emotionally ''encouraging'' for me. But after graduation in 2000 and moving back to lame [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersrville]]... it was all downhill for me. My adult years ''suck''. And I'm soon to turn 29. I left my heart back at Manchester High in Midlothian.

I grad- I also graduated from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] with a uh, degree in [[CADD|computer-aided drafting and design]], but that- and that graduation went better for me, because I did not have so many fr- I did not have many friends back there. And plus, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] [[Chris and his ego|just plain hated me.]] ''(voice creaks on the verge of recognizing own faults)'' Obvi- And obviously I uh, talked ill about her in [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] that I [[Chris and art|drew]], portrayed her as a witch... ''(voice fills with self-righteous rationalization)'' She made it apparent that it was illegal to find true love in the state of [[Virginia]]! And that [[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia was a state for VIRGINS]]... ([[stress]]-[[sigh]]) She still ticked me off, I mean, even after I apologized to her for portraying her the way that I did in my books, she would not accept my apology and she banned me from the grounds of Piedmont Virginia Community College! That's a- one hell of a thank you for an apology, or an apology acceptance. Obviously she did not accept my apology. I hope she gets fired, period! And I also hope that the [[The GAMe PLACe|Game and Hobby Place]] in [[Charlottesville]]... [[Chris and anger|BURNS TO THE GROUND]]! [[Death threats|ALONG WITH]] [[Michael Snyder|MICHAEL SNYDER]]!

Agh, that's all my ranting for right now.

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 4]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Autism Tutorial

2011-02-15T14:49:20Z

Delabonte:

[[Image:Lbpchris.jpg|thumb|Chris in ''LBP2'']]

The '''Autism Tutorial''' is a series of 7 levels made by Chris in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]] 2''.

Contrary to what the name suggests, and in line with any project Chris takes on, he does not manage to keep on topic but quickly moves on to giving a bitter, rambling run down of main struggles of his life, such as his [[high school]] graduation, being banned from places, and losing his [[galpal|galpals]].

In classic Chris fashion, he uses most of the tutorial to blame everybody else for these problems, ranging from [[Bob]] for seeding [[Barb]] at a late age, to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]] for banning him for creepy and unacceptable behavior, before finally railing against random strangers on the street for not [[Ego|acknowledging]] him.

The majority of the presentation pertains to Chris's abject loneliness, as quitting the internet clearly hasn't lead to the varied social life he envisioned.

It is worth noting that the levels, just as most of Chris's other ''LittleBigPlanet'' projects, consist entirely of non-interactive cutscenes.

==Videos==

*[[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Part 1]] - Chris reads off the [[Wikipedia]] entry on autism.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 2|Part 2]] - Chris rambles about how he wants to be treated.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 3|Part 3]] - Chris talks about himself and his experiences at Manchester High.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 4|Part 4]] - Chris talks about offline socialization and how he thinks it should work.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 5|Part 5]] - Chris demonstrates how people should make friends before beating up Clyde Cash.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 6|Part 6]] - Chris rants about the friend zone and a cure for autism.
*[[Autism Tutorial Extra|Extra]] - Chris mocks Aspergers - and beats up Hans Asperger - because he doesn't like the way the word sounds.

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Autism Tutorial

2011-02-15T14:47:30Z

Delabonte:

[[Image:Lbpchris.jpg|thumb|Chris in ''LBP2'']]

The '''Autism Tutorial''' is a series of 7 levels made by Chris in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]] 2''.

Contrary to what the name suggests, and in line with any project Chris takes on, he does not manage to keep on topic but quickly starts to give a biased run down of the best and worst moments of his life, such as his [[high school]] graduation, being banned from places, and losing his [[galpal|galpals]].

In classic Chris fashion, he uses most of the tutorial to blame everybody else for these problems, ranging from [[Bob]] for seeding [[Barb]] at a late age, to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]] for banning him for creepy and unacceptable behavior, before finally railing against random strangers on the street for not [[Ego|acknowledging]] him.

The majority of the presentation pertains to Chris's abject loneliness, as quitting the internet clearly hasn't lead to the varied social life he envisioned.

It is worth noting that the levels, just as most of Chris's other ''LittleBigPlanet'' projects, consist entirely of non-interactive cutscenes.

==Videos==

*[[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Part 1]] - Chris reads off the [[Wikipedia]] entry on autism.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 2|Part 2]] - Chris rambles about how he wants to be treated.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 3|Part 3]] - Chris talks about himself and his experiences at Manchester High.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 4|Part 4]] - Chris talks about offline socialization and how he thinks it should work.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 5|Part 5]] - Chris demonstrates how people should make friends before beating up Clyde Cash.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 6|Part 6]] - Chris rants about the friend zone and a cure for autism.
*[[Autism Tutorial Extra|Extra]] - Chris mocks Aspergers - and beats up Hans Asperger - because he doesn't like the way the word sounds.

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Autism Tutorial

2011-02-15T14:46:06Z

Delabonte:

[[Image:Lbpchris.jpg|thumb|Chris in ''LBP2'']]

The '''Autism Tutorial''' is a series of 7 levels made by Chris in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]] 2''.

Contrary to what the name suggests, and with any project Chris takes on, he does not manage to keep on topic but quickly starts to give a biased run down of the best and worst moments of his life, such as his [[high school]] graduation, being banned from places, and losing his [[galpal|galpals]].

In classic Chris fashion, he uses most of the tutorial to blame everybody else for these problems, ranging from [[Bob]] for seeding [[Barb]] at a late age, to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]] for banning him for creepy and unacceptable behavior, before finally railing against random strangers on the street for not [[Ego|acknowledging]] him.

The majority of the presentation pertains to Chris's abject loneliness, as quitting the internet clearly hasn't lead to the varied social life he envisioned.

It is worth noting that the levels, just as most of Chris's other ''LittleBigPlanet'' projects, consist entirely of non-interactive cutscenes.

==Videos==

*[[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Part 1]] - Chris reads off the [[Wikipedia]] entry on autism.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 2|Part 2]] - Chris rambles about how he wants to be treated.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 3|Part 3]] - Chris talks about himself and his experiences at Manchester High.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 4|Part 4]] - Chris talks about offline socialization and how he thinks it should work.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 5|Part 5]] - Chris demonstrates how people should make friends before beating up Clyde Cash.
*[[Autism Tutorial Part 6|Part 6]] - Chris rants about the friend zone and a cure for autism.
*[[Autism Tutorial Extra|Extra]] - Chris mocks Aspergers - and beats up Hans Asperger - because he doesn't like the way the word sounds.

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)

2011-02-13T14:41:22Z

Delabonte: I wrote this years ago and its funny but no

[[Image:074-HedgehogBoys.jpg|thumb|The Hedgehog Boys]]
'''Christian & the Hedgehog Boys''' is the name [[Chris]] gave to his horrible "band" project, though, in reality, there is no band. Instead the project involves Chris shouting awful lyrics about his shitty life over [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] pop/rock music.

==The boys in the band==
[[File:128650737563.jpg|thumb|[[100 2269|The Beatles]] edition]]

The gap between albums speaks volumes about the internal problems the band has faced, including drug abuse, unwanted pregnancies, regicide and general debauchery.

*[[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]]: vocals
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]: bass, or perhaps guitar
*[[Sonichu]]: guitar
*[[Shadow the Hedgehog]]: drums
*[[Blake]]: keyboard

In the [[2009]] incarnation of the band, Sonic and Shadow were gone, replaced by [[Wild]] (on bass) and [[Punchy]] (on drums), after Sonic left the band to pursue a solo country career, while Shadow was fired for smoking [[tobacky]] and later presumably died of cocaine abuse. [[Layla Flaaffy]] also joined as stage manager.

==Albums==
[[Image:057-CWCHedgeBoysv2.jpg|thumb|left|First album cover]]
[[Image:CWCHedgehogBoysCOMEBACKfront.jpg|thumb|Second album]]
To date, they have released two albums:

*'''''[[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian & the Hedgehog Boys]]'''''

:Release date: [[2006]]
:Chart position: #1, [[Molvanîa]] Pop Charts

*'''''[[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]'''''
:Release date: [[2009]]
:Chart position: N/A
{{clear}}

==Singles==
Christian & the Hedgehog Boys have released standalone singles over [[YouTube]] for "[[CWC%27s_%22It%27s_All_Coming_Back_To_Me%22|It's All Coming Back To Me]]" and "[[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|Holding Out For A Hero]]" that feature unique combinations of live-action, comic drawings and shit. The lyrics of "[[Revive Zordon]]" appear in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but a musical version has yet to appear.

==Future==
The band reunited briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], despite continuing strife between the members and Chris's growing gigantism of the legs.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:107-HookedOnSonichu2.jpg|One listen, and you'll be hooked!
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|Sonichu is doing it wrong
Image:447px-Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|As seen in ''Sonichu'' Comics!
Image:SchuComic6P14.jpg|Ad from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|For whatever reason, Sonichu is holding a copy of the Hedgehog Boys' first album.
</gallery>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=CWC Sings}}
*[[Chris and music]]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

100 2357.MOV

2011-02-13T14:35:13Z

Delabonte: No

'''100 2357.MOV''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 22 [[November 2010]]. For the sixth time, Chris announces he is to [[Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|leave the Internet]]. Chris also removed all his other [[YouTube]] videos around the time this one was uploaded. His [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] have still not been replaced or repaired properly.

Chris's speech implied that he would spend time outside of his [[14 Branchland Court|humble abode]] and attempt to socialize with others. Given the amount of time he's spent on his [[PS3]] since then, his plan likely didn't work out.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2357.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eQqO3kFaV2w}}
| stardate = 22 [[November 2010]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2278]]
| next = [[CWC's Collector's Case Tutorial]]
}}

===Transcript===

Attention! Read my lips!

Online socialization... is a [[Muscle_bra|bust]]. [[Chris_and_English|Socialize in real life is]] the tops.

And also: NO MORE VIDEOS!

Fuck you most ''[displays middle finger]'' and fuck you ''[shows other middle finger]'', social sites like [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]]!

[''[[Pedo-glasses#Dramatic_glasses_removal|whips off his glasses and shakes out his hair]]'']

I'm out. ''[turns off the camera]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100_2278]]|nextlink=[[CWC's Collector's Case Tutorial]]}}

{{Videos about leaving the Internet}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, November 2010| 2010-11-22]]

Chris and the Internet

2011-02-12T14:22:58Z

Delabonte: jesus you people suck

[[File:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|240px|right|The proper response to a [[virgin with rage]] on the Internet.]]

The '''Internet''' is a specialized computer programming that allows the transmission of data through long distances through a massive collection of networks connected all over the world. The Internet has grown since its first real conception in the [[1980s]] as a means for [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|universities]] to communicate with each other. It is said that nearly 2,000,000,000 people are connected to the Internet.

One of those is [[Christian Weston Chandler|a fat, whiny, bigoted, misogynistic, egotistical manchild.]] He is the Internet's [[Basement Rosechus|battered girlfriend]] who always comes back for more.

==Understanding==
Chris seems to be aware that the Internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his [[Autism|general inability to understand others]], Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone ''will'' see it; and if you direct a message to someone, ''only'' they will see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people, from [[Congrats, Jack Black|celebrities]] to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|potential employers]] to [[Ivy|Internet girlfriends]]. Most telling is [[100 2178|his 8 May 2010 rant]], which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990s.

Chris sees no problem in dropping [[Honest Content|highly sensitive information]] over his videos — including his phone number, [[14 Branchland Court|street address]], and the secret name of [[The Wallflower|the girl]] he desperately wanted to be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He doesn't understand that [[YouTube]] is a public website and not an instant messaging service, never paying attention to the deluge of comments he gets from horrified onlookers that definitively prove his [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"private"]] messages are anything but.

Chris has been on the Internet for some time, yet does not understand how to act online any more than he does in real life. While many users of the Internet contribute content, are polite and helpful, and generally [[Chris and the Law|follow any established rules]], Chris sees all websites as vehicles to spew his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|self]]-[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|serving]] [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|version]] of [[Honest content|the truth]]. Even worse, when given his own website, he audaciously claims that [[CWC_Blog#January_2010|it is he who has control over the site]], not [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]] who does the work of setting it up, or the [[Jack Thaddeus|advertisers]] who pay for it.

==Forums and bans==
[[File:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|240px|left|Some people see [[duck|dicks]] everywhere on the Internet. Chris tends to see these instead.]]
As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading, simple egotism or both. When he does, he always signs his message — be it a comment on YouTube, a rant on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim boards]], or a complaint about something in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.<ref>http://forums.littlebigworkshop.com/t5/PS3-Workshop/Complaints-on-the-Sonic-the-Hedgehog-and-Werehog-Costumes/m-p/239893;jsessionid=C15F46579256D040386028A0EAB09412</ref> He never follows up on these posts either, nor does he read the comments left by other users, just like on YouTube. Any retractions or responses are saved for completely unrelated posts elsewhere on the Internet.

Common sense would suggest that Chris would fare well in the Internet forums, which are havens for socially retarded, thirty-something man-children who still live with [[Barbara Chandler|Mommy]] and [[Bob Chandler|Daddy]]. However, Chris has managed to fail here too. By appearing in the web as his usual nicknames or full names, and plastering ''Sonichu'' crap all over, he draws the attention of his trolls, and reacts predictably when they follow him. More importantly, if the trolls somehow fail to notice his new hangouts, he's quick to make enemies completely on his own accord, due to his [[ego]], selfishness, and complete disregard of rules.

Thanks to his screwed up conversation filter, Chris has done stupid stuff and has stuff taken down or been banned from places. However, due to his relative inactivity concerning Internet forums, he's banned from fewer places online than expected. He was banned from [[deviantART]] in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #9 without an [[Honest content|NSFW]] tag, though he doesn't understand why — comments left on his CWCipedia talk page suggest that he is under the impression that his dA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason. He was also banned earlier for the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #8. As well, despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been [[The July 10th Messages|banned once]] from [[YouTube]]. However, unlike dA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down or abandoned. He has also had posts moderated at [[GameFAQs]] when he attempted to solicit money for special characters in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''. When his "article" on [[Wikipedia]] got deleted and his talk page there got trolled, his account was indefinitely blocked, although the blocking admin mistakenly thought that he was a sockpuppet of a troll and not the genuine article.

His most grievous ban to date involves [[Flipnote Hatena]]. Between 29 June and 2 July, Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|the same Flipnote]] removed from the site ''four times'' because of its sexual nature, with Chris thinking it was being removed by trolls instead of the fact that a [[Nintendo]]-owned website wouldn't ''like'' that sort of thing being put on their site. Because of this and other flipnotes he had uploaded and reuploaded, the mods blocked Chris's DSi from uploading any further flipnotes. Nearly a month later, Chris resurfaced on the website and reuploaded all the flipnotes that got him banned in the first place. It is suspected that he has purchased a new DSi in order to evade the ban, adding yet another reason for the moderators to ban him from the website. (The entire situation wasn't helped by try-hard trolls flagging his animations in a desperate attempt to have an impact.)

== Attempts to leave the Internet ==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|240px|right|This is what Chris means when he says he going to "[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|go outside and enjoy life.]]"]]
As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." However, in Chris's case, he takes this and butchers it — when [[trolls]] descend on him and [[Stress|torture]] him, he gets up and leaves. He's like a child who packs up all of his toys and goes home when things don't go his way. For many trolls, this would be a great victory — threatening to quit the Internet forever is such a common reaction to trolling it has its own [[ED]] article (which reflects worse on ED than it does on Chris).

Of course, we have to point out that his PS3 is still hooked up to the internet (where he plays videogames, reads game forums and logs into YouTube), so he never really leaves for good. When Chris talks about quitting the internet, he means ceasing video and comic production, and no longer tangling with trolls.

His [[Youtube Finale|first attempt]] to abandon the Internet was in the aftermath of the [[Julie]] incident; tired of [[Clyde Cash]]'s trolling, Chris proclaimed that he was leaving the Internet. Instead of doing that, he disappeared for all of two weeks before creating a new account on YouTube. His [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|second]], [[100 2188|third]], and [[100 2189|fourth attempts]] all seemed to have been directed by an [[Rocky Shoemaker|outside force]]. Of course, Chris being Chris, he never made good on his word to stay off.

After he made his second announcement of leaving the Internet, he made a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|rant about ''The Cleveland Show'']] a mere ''36 hours later''. He also made his fourth announcement of leaving the Internet just ''four days'' after making his third announcement, saying that the [[Kick the Autistic|trolls have scared him from the Internet, that he is literally afraid of the Internet.]] Chris being Chris, he returned just [[June062010.MOV|one week]] after this grand proclamation. After talking about how he almost committed vehicular homicide, he makes his ''fifth'' announcement that he is leaving the Internet.

Nearly two weeks after his ''fifth'' abandonment of the Internet, he was spotted at [[Fridays After Five]] playing [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote Studio]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi. He soon discovered the pictures and videos of him on the Internet and broke his exile to post his response to it all on Flipnote Hatena the next day, saying that he wishes trolls would stop spreading his bad reputation around. This shows not only that Chris is still looking out for his Internet reputation, but that he also assumes that by telling trolls "I'm leaving the Internet forever," he expects them to stop talking about him.

This would've been easy for the trolls to do, if Chris had just [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|stopped]] [[The MovingForward videos|making]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|videos]] — especially ones [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|addressing them]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|specifically]] ([[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_captured_on_video|not seeking out trolls offline couldn't hurt, either]]).

Chris [[100_2357.MOV|finally left the internet]] for good on 22 [[November 2010]]. He was next sighted on [[February 2011|February 8, 2011]], when he posted in an internet forum devoted to [[Little BigPlanet]]. However, this barely counts as a return to the internet since it's no secret his PS3 is hooked up to the web and he owns a keyboard controller. Chris still has no access to a working computer and it's unlikely that he's checked emails since the Jackie saga ended, meaning that any triumph from the more pathetic of Chris's followers will prove to be short lived.

Only [[/cwc/]] and lesser [[CWCki]] editors believe Chris posting once on a forum is significant.

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{The Internet}}

Chris and the Internet

2011-02-12T14:21:18Z

Delabonte: jesus you people suck

[[File:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|240px|right|The proper response to a [[virgin with rage]] on the Internet.]]

The '''Internet''' is a specialized computer programming that allows the transmission of data through long distances through a massive collection of networks connected all over the world. The Internet has grown since its first real conception in the [[1980s]] as a means for [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|universities]] to communicate with each other. It is said that nearly 2,000,000,000 people are connected to the Internet.

One of those is [[Christian Weston Chandler|a fat, whiny, bigoted, misogynistic, egotistical manchild.]] He is the Internet's [[Basement Rosechus|battered girlfriend]] who always comes back for more.

==Understanding==
Chris seems to be aware that the Internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his [[Autism|general inability to understand others]], Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone ''will'' see it; and if you direct a message to someone, ''only'' they will see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people, from [[Congrats, Jack Black|celebrities]] to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|potential employers]] to [[Ivy|Internet girlfriends]]. Most telling is [[100 2178|his 8 May 2010 rant]], which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990s.

Chris sees no problem in dropping [[Honest Content|highly sensitive information]] over his videos — including his phone number, [[14 Branchland Court|street address]], and the secret name of [[The Wallflower|the girl]] he desperately wanted to be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He doesn't understand that [[YouTube]] is a public website and not an instant messaging service, never paying attention to the deluge of comments he gets from horrified onlookers that definitively prove his [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"private"]] messages are anything but.

Chris has been on the Internet for some time, yet does not understand how to act online any more than he does in real life. While many users of the Internet contribute content, are polite and helpful, and generally [[Chris and the Law|follow any established rules]], Chris sees all websites as vehicles to spew his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|self]]-[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|serving]] [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|version]] of [[Honest content|the truth]]. Even worse, when given his own website, he audaciously claims that [[CWC_Blog#January_2010|it is he who has control over the site]], not [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]] who does the work of setting it up, or the [[Jack Thaddeus|advertisers]] who pay for it.

==Forums and bans==
[[File:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|240px|left|Some people see [[duck|dicks]] everywhere on the Internet. Chris tends to see these instead.]]
As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading, simple egotism or both. When he does, he always signs his message — be it a comment on YouTube, a rant on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim boards]], or a complaint about something in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.<ref>http://forums.littlebigworkshop.com/t5/PS3-Workshop/Complaints-on-the-Sonic-the-Hedgehog-and-Werehog-Costumes/m-p/239893;jsessionid=C15F46579256D040386028A0EAB09412</ref> He never follows up on these posts either, nor does he read the comments left by other users, just like on YouTube. Any retractions or responses are saved for completely unrelated posts elsewhere on the Internet.

Common sense would suggest that Chris would fare well in the Internet forums, which are havens for socially retarded, thirty-something man-children who still live with [[Barbara Chandler|Mommy]] and [[Bob Chandler|Daddy]]. However, Chris has managed to fail here too. By appearing in the web as his usual nicknames or full names, and plastering ''Sonichu'' crap all over, he draws the attention of his trolls, and reacts predictably when they follow him. More importantly, if the trolls somehow fail to notice his new hangouts, he's quick to make enemies completely on his own accord, due to his [[ego]], selfishness, and complete disregard of rules.

Thanks to his screwed up conversation filter, Chris has done stupid stuff and has stuff taken down or been banned from places. However, due to his relative inactivity concerning Internet forums, he's banned from fewer places online than expected. He was banned from [[deviantART]] in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #9 without an [[Honest content|NSFW]] tag, though he doesn't understand why — comments left on his CWCipedia talk page suggest that he is under the impression that his dA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason. He was also banned earlier for the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #8. As well, despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been [[The July 10th Messages|banned once]] from [[YouTube]]. However, unlike dA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down or abandoned. He has also had posts moderated at [[GameFAQs]] when he attempted to solicit money for special characters in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''. When his "article" on [[Wikipedia]] got deleted and his talk page there got trolled, his account was indefinitely blocked, although the blocking admin mistakenly thought that he was a sockpuppet of a troll and not the genuine article.

His most grievous ban to date involves [[Flipnote Hatena]]. Between 29 June and 2 July, Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|the same Flipnote]] removed from the site ''four times'' because of its sexual nature, with Chris thinking it was being removed by trolls instead of the fact that a [[Nintendo]]-owned website wouldn't ''like'' that sort of thing being put on their site. Because of this and other flipnotes he had uploaded and reuploaded, the mods blocked Chris's DSi from uploading any further flipnotes. Nearly a month later, Chris resurfaced on the website and reuploaded all the flipnotes that got him banned in the first place. It is suspected that he has purchased a new DSi in order to evade the ban, adding yet another reason for the moderators to ban him from the website. (The entire situation wasn't helped by try-hard trolls flagging his animations in a desperate attempt to have an impact.)

== Attempts to leave the Internet ==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|240px|right|This is what Chris means when he says he going to "[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|go outside and enjoy life.]]"]]
As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." However, in Chris's case, he takes this and butchers it — when [[trolls]] descend on him and [[Stress|torture]] him, he gets up and leaves. He's like a child who packs up all of his toys and goes home when things don't go his way. For many trolls, this would be a great victory — threatening to quit the Internet forever is such a common reaction to trolling it has its own [[ED]] article (which reflects worse on ED than it does on Chris).

Of course, we have to point out that his PS3 is still hooked up to the internet (where he plays videogames, reads game forums and logs into YouTube), so he never really leaves for good. When Chris talks about quitting the internet, he means ceasing video and comic production, and no longer tangling with trolls.

His [[Youtube Finale|first attempt]] to abandon the Internet was in the aftermath of the [[Julie]] incident; tired of [[Clyde Cash]]'s trolling, Chris proclaimed that he was leaving the Internet. Instead of doing that, he disappeared for all of two weeks before creating a new account on YouTube. His [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|second]], [[100 2188|third]], and [[100 2189|fourth attempts]] all seemed to have been directed by an [[Rocky Shoemaker|outside force]]. Of course, Chris being Chris, he never made good on his word to stay off.

After he made his second announcement of leaving the Internet, he made a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|rant about ''The Cleveland Show'']] a mere ''36 hours later''. He also made his fourth announcement of leaving the Internet just ''four days'' after making his third announcement, saying that the [[Kick the Autistic|trolls have scared him from the Internet, that he is literally afraid of the Internet.]] Chris being Chris, he returned just [[June062010.MOV|one week]] after this grand proclamation. After talking about how he almost committed vehicular homicide, he makes his ''fifth'' announcement that he is leaving the Internet.

Nearly two weeks after his ''fifth'' abandonment of the Internet, he was spotted at [[Fridays After Five]] playing [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote Studio]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi. He soon discovered the pictures and videos of him on the Internet and broke his exile to post his response to it all on Flipnote Hatena the next day, saying that he wishes trolls would stop spreading his bad reputation around. This shows not only that Chris is still looking out for his Internet reputation, but that he also assumes that by telling trolls "I'm leaving the Internet forever," he expects them to stop talking about him.

This would've been easy for the trolls to do, if Chris had just [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|stopped]] [[The MovingForward videos|making]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|videos]] — especially ones [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|addressing them]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|specifically]] ([[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_captured_on_video|not seeking out trolls offline couldn't hurt, either]]).

Chris [[100_2357.MOV|finally left the internet]] for good on 22 [[November 2010]]. He was next sighted on [[February 2011|February 8, 2011]], when he posted in an internet forum devoted to [[Little BigPlanet]]. However, this barely counts as a return to the internet since it's no secret his PS3 is hooked up to the web and he owns a keyboard controller. Chris still has no access to a working computer and it's unlikely that he's checked emails since the Jackie saga ended.

Only [[/cwc/]] and lesser [[CWCki]] editors believe Chris posting once on a forum is significant.

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{The Internet}}

JenkinsJinkies

2011-02-12T08:54:20Z

Delabonte:

'''Junior Jenkins''', alias '''JenkinsJinkies''' (born c. [[1996]]) was Chris's [[Disguises|trollsona]] from [[May 2010|May]] to [[August 2010]].

==CWCki==
[[image:Fatjenkins.jpg|thumb|The great <s>Cobra Commander</s> JenkinsJinkies]]
JenkinsJinkies began as another [[CWCki]] account, made by Chris to confirm that the antenna he had removed from his [[PS3]] wasn't a bug in [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked]], a bait page made by [[Clyde]]. It was quickly discovered that JenkinsJinkies was Chris, and [[Trollin Train|appropriate action]] was taken soon afterwards. Clyde contacted Chris through JenkinsJinkies' [[User talk:JenkinsJinkies|talk page]], and it resulted in a short correspondence between the two.

{{quote|I lost my young virginity with a Seinor [[Kellie Andes|Cheerleader]]; her [[china]] was sweeeeettt! Plus, as an [[ED|Anon]], I prefer to keep my add off of the web. I would not want Chris coming after my ass. The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages. I just enjoy getting the [[Laughs Under Lucricities|LULZ]] off of him.|JenkinsJinkies, the 14 year old [[homos|sodomite]] who had gay sex at the age of 7 and lost his [[virgin|virginity]] to a High School student beforehand. Who also lives directly [[14 Branchland Ct.|across the street]] from Chris.}}

Chris believed playing a troll who was [[Chris and Reality|legitimately]] afraid of Chris's wrath would totally convince [[Clyde Cash]] himself that he was legit. He also unsuccessfully tried to scare the trolls into thinking he was plotting to hunt them down, one by one. Several [[/cwc/|lesser]] trolls believed they were the first ones to realize that JenkinsJinkies was Chris, and blew the whistle every now and again, but such leaks were uncommon and generally most trolls played along.

==Trollin Train==

As the trolls began to tug on JenkinsJinkies's marionette strings, a [[Trollin Train|trolling forum]] entirely dedicated to making Chris paranoid was established. Despite all posts, members and threads being only a few days old, Chris was [[Naive|completely convinced]] that it was the official trolling hub, where all the nefarious plots made against him were conceived.

As if it weren't obvious enough that Junior Jenkins was Chris, he also went out of his way to praise Chris for his ingenious schemes for halting the trolls wicked plans and/or dissuade the trolls from even trying - often combining the two themes into the same post.

{{quote|I have to hand it to him, he makes it Frustrating to Troll Him. It's like we have to PAY AirFare or HitchHike Dangerously and do it Old-Fashioned with Accordian Cameras and shit like that.|JuniorJenkins, [[#Damn! (Wed 25 Aug 2010 5:42 am)|Trollin Train]].}}

Junior Jenkins also had run-ins with the ghosts of [[Patti Chandler]] and seven year old Christopher Chandler as Chris inexplicably believed that trolls would be frightened by these events. They were not, and Jenkins was roundly mocked.

In another memorable event, Jenkins unsubtly asked for the numbers of the hookers [[Bryan Bash]] sent to Chris's house because Chris wanted sexy time.

==PS3 Destruction==

Trolling Train's most significant achievement came about when [[Surfshack Tito]] offered a number of "bounties" for achievements in trolling Chris, including a US$9,001 reward for anyone who could smash Chris's [[PS3]]. Due to a misinterpretation of Tito's criteria, Chris thought he could get the reward if ''he'' did the smashing and simply had Junior claim to witness it. The rest [[PS3#Destruction|is history]].

Though Chris [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|did not]] receive the $9,001, he managed to raise the money to buy a new PS3 over the course of a few days.

==See also==
*[[Trollin Train]]
*[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]]
*[[Disguises]]

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[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

User:Clydec

2011-02-11T20:52:01Z

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