CWCki - User contributions [en]

Father Call

2018-08-07T16:46:14Z

Der Zuschauer: Adding timestamps, making small additions to transcript.

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with [[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]] (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]], and a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]]. Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the dad of his sweetheart by boasting of his now-legendary [[honest]]y before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. What follows is probably the most blunt personal assessment Chris has ever received to date: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and his ego|egotism]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Chris's room|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], [[Women's Rights|general treatment towards Kacey]], and general failure at life. To this day, Chris has never taken any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart; throughout the call he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial]] [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]], and ''[[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]''. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours (or so he says), Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed, frequently making insensitive statements towards Matthew. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her relationship and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which, to put it bluntly, ended equally as poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''[[Documentary|Portal]]'' is occasionally heard in the background, as well as constant typing sounds every so often.
* Chris sighs constantly during the call - to a point where Matthew points out the constant sighing ''3 times.''
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weightlifting prowess, saying he [[11042009 51 50|just got done lifting 50 pounds]] 51 times with each arm, a total of 102 reps according to Chris. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to Matthew.
* Before she hands the phone over, however, Kacey claims she has to lift at least 100 pounds for her job. Chris does not question how or why a waitress would have to lift that many pounds.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader/babysitter seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding monthly tugboat. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "'tard babies", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous the next time Chris does it.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]]. Chris corrects him with the pronunciation of the name to not sound like a stripper, "Chris-tul", not "Chris-tal" (he also misspells the name). Chris ignores the fact that Kacey does not like the name that much either, as Matthew points out.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found that said video to be especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]]; Matthew is unsurprisingly baffled as to why Chris tried "getting back" at a random guy on the internet by mockingly comparing him to the subject of one of the all-time biggest American tragedies.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother, and even points out his grandma with ''arthritis'' pulled weeds.
* Chris also seems to believe a dog house made of plastic and wood weighs 5 to 10 tons (10,000-20,000 pounds), and believes the doghouse would weigh more than any tombstone (which tend to weigh an average of about 80 pounds). Trying to gain sympathy by saying Patti's doghouse was essentially a tombstone. Chris believes plastic and wood would weigh more than solid stone, retracting the previous claim to saying the doghouse weighed 100 pounds. A small dog like Patti would not need a dog house that heavy nor large.
* Chris isn't discouraged by the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he wouldn't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a girlfriend he eventually found out didn't exist.
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of his room as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility, remarking Chris's plan to be a house-husband. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, hypocritically saying Barb is lazy. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, ''Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base''. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father. Chris tries to say he was being respectful and Matthew treats him like a child. Kacey points out Matthew is older and deserves respect (not to mention, throughout the call, Chris is acting ''like'' a child, which Matt doesn't overlook). After being yelled at by Kacey, Chris "apologizes" to Matthew, with Matthew seeing past his crap.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt asks him what he learned from the novel, and Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story. When Matt brings up the court case (a major part of the story) and the character of Atticus Finch (who is the main character's dad), Chris seems to not know what he's talking about.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point of that comparison, and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point, Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her and her father's advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble and unhealthy eating, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots wouldn't make videos mocking national tragedies.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in the conversation''). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his elementary school principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" [[Autism|to be a cast-iron rule]], rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly tries weaseling his way out of the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. After some back and forth regarding Kacey, the future of Chris's relationship to her, her song dedication video, and Chris's own version of the song, Matthew snidely congratulates Chris on getting Kacey and Liquid back together.
* Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter. She mentions Chris failing to make her a comic (presumably what would become the [[Sonichu_Special_4|Gun Comic]]) and instead making her a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level. Kacey reveals Chris asked her for her phone number, which she refused to give him until her parents trusted him--Chris claims he would have come to her if he knew where she was--despite earlier in the call implying after Julie, he would not travel to see any girlfriends. During this, she compares him to Liquid, who she says would've driven to see her soon as he knew she was upset (Chris didn't bother during the call to ask how she was when talking to Matthew.) Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

{{Improve|runtimes|accurately correct transcripting}}

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are…

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''corpsing'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh… [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the [[Barb|mother]]'s line but it can be in the [[Bob|father]]'s as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler (18:28-24:18)===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps [''pronounced "corpse"'']. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame (24:18-33:24)===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' [''extremely uncomfortable laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I am very poetic as well, just to let you know, sir.

'''Matthew:''' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:''' You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' …Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That… are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down…

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores (39:17-48:08)===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women (48:08-54:05)===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to… Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I… [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in…

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

===More Shit Hits the Fan (54:05-58:09)===
'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot…

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of…

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to… [''stress sigh'']… heavy weights! I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate…

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing…

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I… oh! And you don't think…!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]… That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' What… what the fu… are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this… are you comparing…

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life…

===Kacey Returns (58:09-1:02:35)===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is… I mean… this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful…

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like… of course, you remember when we lost grandma…

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it…

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like…

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah…

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well… yeah…

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah… [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well… believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You… are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health (1:02:35-1:13:17)===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read… was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I… have… learned… that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lennie throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's…

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah… did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is… just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus… hm… Atticus… hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss… man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I… I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff… candy… don't… I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell…

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're…[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't… with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS…

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after… a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but… how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe… maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't… [''sputters'']… don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well… yeah, well, I can't…

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs (1:13:17-1:19:04)===
'''Chris:''' But I…

'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so… you may not think so…

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she… she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look…

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it… I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills (1:19:04-1:24:45)===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I… wh… no. [''pause''] I, I… [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just… [[Family Guy|grinded my gears]].

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is… this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is… she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W… well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker (1:24:05-1:36:33)===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around… what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No…

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than…

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about…

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that…

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']…

'''Matthew:''' You don't… it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just…

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O… kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me… Tell me… How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to… how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That… I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really… Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long… Do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say…

'''Matthew:''' And play… Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking…

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright… [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that… yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine…

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may show-- not show-- I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't… Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I…

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33)===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah… let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well…

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is… that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you…

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like… a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly… as a friend… a true friend, a good friend…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image…

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I… am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual…

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic… if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't… do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories (1:41:33-1:46:21)===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You… you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I… I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't… That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because… I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would… [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No… [''exasperated sigh'']… no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''…?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is… Man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so… [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'… you crossed the line. You've just… you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you… wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I… no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making… mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even…?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel… [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay… here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli… What are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with… I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect (1:52:36-1:57:38)===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school… prinstapull… and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of…

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I… it was not a retard! No… It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not…

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy… This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental… If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person…

'''Chris:''' I do res… I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating (1:57:38-2:08:38)===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's… that's… that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and [[Kick the Autistic|kick your ass right now]]!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't… I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that… I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about… on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you… have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm… Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes… anything, any of this creepy… shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well… first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet…

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of… I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean… I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's… $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm… let's see… That would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least… They're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well… good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you…

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now? (2:08:38-2:18:03)===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well… I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's… that's…

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe… You know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because…

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really… this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a… I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything…di, uh… Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess… maybe I… did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know…

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean… yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then… and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble…

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say… good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso... what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

December 2016 Facebook posts

2016-12-09T21:08:06Z

Der Zuschauer:

{{Ongoing}}
This page is an archive of Chris' [[Facebook]] posts during [[December 2016]]. Posts are sorted by date and linked to the source material from Facebook. Notable comments will be archived and color-coded for reference; those who consistently respond to Chris' posts, e.g. [[Kenneth Englehardt]] and Jessica Quinn, are colored in red and green respectively, while infrequent responders are colored in orange, yellow or purple.

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1230704310357379 Patreon reward update]==
1 December at 2:12 pm
{{quotebox|**Patreon Reward Update: In addition to the video and Skype Addition, I've added my Self-Skylander items as rewards. The Higher Donation amounts will get their items autographed. Thank You.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/lgbtqnation/posts/10154029671016717?comment_id=10154031788821717&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22R0%22%7D Pmurt should advocate the presidency]==
4 December at 2:24 am
{{quotebox|Trump, impeached, would be a good thing, but Pence should not be President either. I would feel so much better if Trump would advocate the position, and take Pence with him, and let Hillary be President, as it should Very Well Be.}}

The word Chris is looking for is [http://www.dictionary.com/browse/abdicate abdicate].

==[https://www.facebook.com/LizzyTheLezzy/posts/10154053170986863?comment_id=10154057643601863&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22R0%22%7D Sense of humor]==
4 December at 2:40 am

{{quotebox|I found 21/33 of them of fair to good humor.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1239523882808755 Feeling crappy]==
7 December at 5:07 am
{{quotebox|feeling crappy}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1240267116067765 Woman soul, (not) getting a job and Deadpool vs Pinkie Pie]==
7 December at 6:19 pm
{{quotebox|Three things this post.

One: I AM a full-on Woman soul. In Fact, and my real and closer friends can and will tell you the same, I feel better with positive, less confrontational actions, especially pleasant conversations, offering emotional support, and slice-of-life feminine things. I can't help that I grew up with Transformers G1 and beyond in my background, viewing schedule, and lifetime, and developed an interest in the toys and collecting some of them. A lot of women can tell you the same that we all sometimes like a break from the emotional details and view something Fantasy or Violent. And a number of males don't always like violence, either. So, Next time you doubt me being a Lesbian Transwoman, based solely on me playing with Autobots and Decepticons, Think Again, haters. I Love all female bots and cons: Arcees, Windblade, Chromium, Elita-1, Firestar, Airacnid, Aracnia, etcetera. Take your pick of the few.

Two: I Can't get a job, and I have tried, as well as considered a LOT of details. Making beyond the certain amount per month in a job cuts into my SSI. The Trolls and Bullies have Killed my Background with all of the mis-content they have mostly misconstrued for the worst, as well as those that they have tricked, conned, deceived and blackmailed out of me. And I have my mother to worry about and care take; it IS a tiring process on my mind and emotions; Good GOD, my emotions! 😥 Among the other stresses that weigh me down emotionally and mentally, as great and heavy as the planet Pluto, or a LOT of Hippopotamuses, On My Head.

Lastly, On ScrewAttack: Deadpool Vs Pinkie Pie?! WTF?! Are they Actually going to take the creepy pasta into account? >:( Ugh. Pinkie will Lose against Deadpool. That is Sad.

That's all for now.}}

Jackie Mei, 6:39 pm:
{{quoteboxyellow|Have you tried jobs that let you work from home or don't care about your identity? I know there's opportunities for you out there!}}

Chris, 6:42 pm
{{quotebox|I have TOO much on and over my head.}}

Kim Wilson, 10:19 pm
{{quoteboxorange|Christine Weston Chandler You and I have talked about this a lot, you don't have anything keeping you from getting a job. I don't know why you'd mention the background thing, because I've told you that your criminal background check would be 100% clean. Maybe you forgot? You could definitely work and get an extra $800 month, at least. I'm confused as to why you talk about money problems when you could just get a job. Oh! Maybe it's a "complain problem" instead of a "real problem"? When I come home to my boyfriend, I complain about work. But when he tries to suggest fixes for my problems, I get mad. It's because I just wanted to complain, I just wanted to let off some steam. So now before we even start talking, he asks me if it's a "complain problem" (one that I don't want fixed) or a "real problem".}}
Kim Wilson, 10:21 pm
{{quoteboxorange|Christine Weston Chandler It sounds like your money problems are just a "complain problem". You should probably take down your patreon if it's just a "complain problem" and you don't want to try to get a job.}}
Chris deleted both of Kim's posts.

==Catch more Pokemon==
7 December at 6:56 pm

Chris posted to a Pokemon group (link redacted).
{{quotebox|We are not even close to the 100 million goal; sync your games and catch more Pokémon.}}

He linked to a [https://3ds-sp.pokemon-gl.com/information/5af4196a-3ff3-4339-99c5-7f8612a7547f Pokemon article].

Chris, 6:57 pm:

[[File:Pokemon 100 million.jpeg|200px]]

==[https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1240399242721219&set=a.278642068896946.64983.100002534669114&type=3 Look at how Tired I am]==
7 December at 8:16 pm
{{quotebox|Seriously: Look at how Tired I am.

Meme-wise: "Look at how Tired I am."

[[File:Chris tired 12-2016.jpeg|200px]]
}}

Kim Wilson, 11:16 pm
{{quoteboxorange|Christine Weston Chandler's got some of that dank kush. (Probably not though.)}}
Chris, 1:19 am (Dec 8)
{{quotebox|I never had any dank kush at all.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1242120865882390 Cutco spatula knife]==
8 December at 12:41 am

Chris shared a [https://www.cutco.com/products/product.jsp?item=spatula-spreader#sm.0000b2549m3nidl1s2d1y3ldnckjb link] to a Cutco spatula knife, the same model he used for Thanksgiving.

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1242359085858568 Wishing Bob a Merry Christmas in his new life]==
9 December at 4:55 am
{{quotebox|I miss my father everyday. He's enjoying Christmas in his new life.}}

Chris shared a video with the post, however, the text on it reads, "I miss you, Mom. I sure wish you could be here for Christmas."

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1242363509191459 Finances are a problem]==
9 December at 5:01 am
{{quotebox|Finances are a problem.}}

Chris shared a [https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/s960x960/15440433_1186741464734860_8284463071043767071_o.png?oh=4fefe996b9003dc7071a36be2064f1db&oe=58F39D02 comic about financial problems].

{{facebook}}

I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously

2016-11-17T15:41:05Z

Der Zuschauer: Added transcript.

Chris announces that [[Facebook]] has temporarily banned him from posting for a week, due to his repeated death threats against [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] on that platform, although [[Twitter]] is still allowing his posts.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=Oxgi7lLP-gI}}
| stardate = 15 November 2016
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Website|[[Twitter]] and [[Facebook]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = I'm Done Adulting
| previous = [[Feelings of the election results]]
| next =
}}

'''Description'''

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian

via YouTube Capture

==Transcript==

Attention everyone on the internet, I am making a short announcement. Because of, uh, Facebook giving me the, uh, removing posts and block me from posting again, 'cept this time lasting for... less tha-- a few d-- a couple of da-- a day or two has passed, so it's less than one week now. But anyway, in the meantime I will be posting onto my Twitter during the days if and when I am unable to post on my Facebook. So please do atten-- pay attention to those pot-- to those tweets, because also as you'm are-- may be well aware, we have simultaneous back-and-forth posting between Facebook and Twitter, regardless of which one I tend to make the post or tweet on. Thank you, have a good day.

Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2

2016-06-20T21:07:50Z

Der Zuschauer: Completed transcript up to about 9:00 in the video.

{{Transcription}}

'''Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 19 [[June 2016]].

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|nkVtTB51z3A}}
| stardate = 19 [[June 2016]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Blue shirt
| previous = [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1]]
| next =
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox| The second part in a multipart series to read this story.

I learned of, and cleared up, the block on my PayPal account last night. So, please, try donating again if you tried and was unable to. And, please donate, everyone who hasn't yet.

Donations still requested.
Please send donations directly to me via PayPal to my email address: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com. Thank you.

If you don't know how, watch this video.
https://youtu.be/wPYVhPe_PTQ

If you are unable to send via PayPal, please send a legal check with the amount to my home address.
Christine Chandler
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, VA 22968}}

==Transcript==

[PS4 intro]

[Music plays throughout. Chris is looking up at his PS4; once he notices that the recording has started, he puts down the controller and looks at the camera]

Hello, everybody, it's Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again. Update on the, uh, donations... apparently, uh, there was a temporary block on the, uh, my Paypal account. But I have sume desolve-- I have resolved that, cleared that up, so, everybody can donate once again, safely and well, so please get to that right away, if you haven't been able to do that for the last day or two.

Also, if you do find difficulty in donating through Paypal... mmm, I will allow for you to send me... a... cer-- a certified... bank cheque, through the US mail to my home address. But mostly, I want it direct to my Paypal account, please.

Anyway, with that, um... still got the, uh, buzz about from the electric company threatening to cut off our power, so... we desperatney need at least two hundred dollars. I say tha-- I s-- I state tha-- I quote that... amount... because not only do we need to pay the bill, but we're gonna need to be able to eat around here. Food's not gonna be around totally for about, well, for... [sigh] shoot... another... couple of weeks.

[sigh] Well anyway, aside from that, um... [Chris takes off his glasses] yes, please help us, we don't want to lose our electricity, or go hungry. Please. Donate now.

[Chris leans forward and stares into the camera for a few seconds, before leaning back and putting his glasses back on]

Mkay, anyway, so, with that, we read-- we started reading the next chapter of "Unicorns, Rainbows, and Bluebirds [sic] of Happiness". Chapter 2: Karaoke Night.

[high-pitched] "Marco!"

Sabrina the blue pigeon screeched tremulously into the microphone as she read the words on the screen at the bar. Only five creatures were at the bar at the moment. One of them was an employee who served the customers drinks. Two of them appeared to be ordinary humans who were having a conversation with each other. The other inhabitant of the bar was an orange and white hamster who was trying to best distract herself from the pigeon's singing.

Hmm. I don't know, might be... uh, shoot... what was her name, Edith? [long pause] Eh, anyway, moving on...

Alright, so... [mumbling]

[sounding constipated] "Your girlfriend has a terrible singing voice, but at least she havin' fun!" Mike the police officer said to the man who was currently wearing the blue tuxedo with the pair of pink jeans??? [Chris' intonation rises all the way through this sentence. It sounds like a question.] Mike was currently wearing a plain white T-shirt with a black leather coat, and a pair of blue jeans. The man wearing the blue tuxedo shrugged his shoulders.

Hmm... mm.

[somewhat higher pitched] "She gets so excited for karaoke. She's always asking me to buy her something so that she can sing karaoke at home. That's not going to happen anytime soon, so I just let her sing here every week."

[in Sabrina voice] "Marco, Marco, Marco!"

Bartender wearing the black dress that matched her black hair, said [sounding like an old lady] "Huh, I wish you wouldn't sometimes!" as she poured glasses of rum and coke for the two men.

Wait. [unclear -- "hot dog this red"???]

"I wish that you wouldn't sometimes," as she po-- ssshe said as she poured glasses of rum and coke for the two men. Kevin smiled as he accepted his glass, while Mike planned on waiting until he finished his current glass of [singing] rum and coca-cola!

It's not rum and coke, it's coca-cola, from the Romans. Roman coca-cola! [more singing, unclear - "drink it from the empty gala"?]

Yeah, before he dr-- yeah... finished his current dra-- his gla-ss before he drank a second one.

[sounding congested] "Ahh, so you're fermier [familiar] with the mutations, right?" Mike asked Kevin as-- barked as he quickly drank all the liquid in his glass.

"Uh, which one? The one that transforms people into giants? The one that gives them magic powers? The one that makes them fly? Eh, or the ones that makes animals talk?" Kevin asked Mike, who stared at Kevin as he took a sip from his glass.

[congested] "I can tell you're not taking this seriously," Kev-- said Ke-- said... Mike said to Kevin who contru-- who continued to smirk, and as the employee poured him another drink. "As you know, mutations have etsisted for almost SITS HUNDRED YEARS. We don't know what cause dem, and we likely never will. However, within the past two hundred years, a strange combination of the-- two different mutations has appeared."

Kevin nodded his head as Mike paused to take a sip of his drink. "Yes, some people have the horn on their forehead, it gives them magical powers, as well as the wings that let them flyyy." As the bartender finished pouring him another drink, Kevin asked, [in Mike's weird Kermit voice] "So what?"

Sabrina continued to shriek tunelessly through the speakers in the bar. "Munko, munko, munko!"

Mmm... zm...

"For some reason the mutation makes the wings larger and the magic stronger, a fully grown magic user. I think most people call them unicorns." Ss-- Kevin said with a childish smile, which caused Mike to sigh.

[Mike's congested voice] "UUUGH. A fully grown unicorn who spent their life studying and practicing magic can be-- can just barely reach the level of power a baby with a mutation can harness. A full grown person with wings--"

Kevin interrupted Mike a second time. "You mean a pegasus?"

The police officer groaned in annoyance. "EURGH. [Volleyball crengus] pegasus can barely fly at a third of the speed that a child with a mutation can. They're dangerous. But they're also very useful to us. The main problem that we have is that they can't increase their numbers." Mike said to Kevin, who chuckled as he started to sip the liquid from his glass.

"I heard about that. When one of them is pregnant, the child ends up with the same mutation. The child sucks the life out of the mother while it's in is-- it's in the womb. Then the child is born, and the mother dies. What we're left with is a species that can reproduce, but their population either stays the same or decreases. Hmm, perhaps it's for the best, given how dangerous and unstable they are."

"[shuddering noise]" Kevin shuddered, as he thought of his time at Saint... Saint Anger's Mental Hospital, where he shared a room with a mutated person named Francine.

[Mike as Fozzi Bear] "Ehhh, most of them end up in mental institutions because their mutations drive them insane. Only a few of them were able to function on a normal level." Mike said as a smile started to appear on his face. "But imagine if there was a person with a mutation who wasn't completely crazy, who could potentially reproduce exponentially." Mike said to the man, who looked at him with a curious expression before he took another sip from his glass.

"[something] simply... the girl and her twin sister."

And Mike nodded his head. Hmm. "Her mother's pregnancy was the first case of a pregnant mutant conven-- conceiving twins. It was the first time that the population had increased since around one hundred years ago. But that's the-- that's not the most interesting part." Mike started to grin. Kevin's curiosity increased as the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of photographs that he placed on the counter at the bar.

Mike pointed at a blurry photo of what appeared to be the insides of a young woman's womb. "We've had our best unicorns watching these two for years. Imagine our surprise when we found one of them was pregnant, with twins."

Kevin stared at the photos.

"The girls healed each other when they slept together. They provided the [life and magic needed?] for the offspring to grow inside of her. They were producing mutated children, and the mother didn't need to die when she gave birth. There was so much potential, and now..." Mike paused, and Kevin stared at him intensely.

[Transcript complete to 9:00 in the video]

List of places that have banned Chris

2015-12-10T14:42:36Z

Der Zuschauer: Adding GameStop's statewide ban.

[[Image:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|The weapon of choice.]]

Although he is at least physically a grown adult, [[Chris]] is not above [[Chris and anger|throwing tantrums]] and generally being a nuisance in public places. Because of his obnoxious behavior, Chris has been either temporarily or permanently '''banned''' from many places, physical or not.

==Shops==
===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}

According to [[Mimms]], Chris has been banned twice. The first time, which was temporary, was when Chris attempted to get something from the back without permission. [[Michael Snyder]] permabanned him on 28 August [[2008]], after Chris got confrontational with a small [[black]], but even this failed to keep Chris away from the store. Following the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris was definitively banned by court order from ever re-entering the store, all the way to its shutdown in [[June 2014]].

===Charlottesville Fashion Square===
{{main|Charlottesville Fashion Square}}

Chris was busted twice here, once for loitering and again for shouting in public. The second incident may or may not have been Chris's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shout upon learning [[Hanna]] was [[troll]]ing him. He was banned for a year, but the ban has since expired. On 28 [[April 2012]], it's revealed he was banned again, this time from arguing with trolls loudly on his phone. It's also likely he was banned from the store again after the [[26 December 2014]] incident (see below).

===Walmart===
{{main|Mal-Wart}}

Chris has been kicked out of Walmart on at least four separate occasions. On 23 June [[2005]], the [[Niggos|African-American]] manager of the [[Charlottesville]] store's [[McDonald's]] (depicted as the [[B-Manajerk]] by Chris in the comics) attempted to have Chris arrested for loitering, but his own fast thinking and hiding his Attraction Sign (which got him in trouble in the first place) ended up with him removed from the restaurant for the rest of the day (or so he says). The actual banning came two days later, 25 June, when Chris returned and attempted to loiter again. Both managers for McDonald's and Walmart confronted Chris, but Chris refused to listen to the managers, ran off and nearly ran ''over'' one of them. In late [[2009]], he returned to Walmart, forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]].

Proving he learns nothing, Chris was again banned in September [[2013]], this time at the recent [[Ruckersville]] location, after vandalizing an Xbox One sign to read "[[HEXbox]] One", according to his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]]. In the ensuing Facebook posts, he blames almost everyone else but himself for the ban, including [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his defense attorney [[Rob Bell]]. A year later, Chris got thrown out of Walmart yet again, after an employee recognized and confronted him. He eventually left, but not before threatening the employee with pepper spray. For reference, this came less than a week after he was arrested for [[26 December 2014|attacking an employee of another store with mace]].

===Target===
{{main|Get-Tar Region}}

On 20 July 2005 (almost a month after Chris's incident over at Walmart), he attempted to loiter at a newly-built Target, intending on [[Obesity|exploiting their free soda refill deal]] while he tried to get boyfriend-free girls. According to [[Emily]], Chris was approached by management and asked to leave, but he refused. When the issue was pressed, he insulted them and forced them to call the cops. When they did, Chris tried to run, forcing them to tackle, hogtie and handcuff him. All this on the store's opening week!

===GameStop===
Chris had already been banned from the Fashion Square branch of local GameStop for his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] when, on [[26 December 2014]], he came [[Honor roll|"disguised"]] in a pair of [[My Little Pony]] [[Chris and fashion|novelty sunglasses]], supposedly intending to buy a new ''Skylanders'' figure and some second-hand Wii U games. However, the staff confronted him and were unmoved by his protests that he was there to actually buy stuff rather than vandalize their property. He eventually left, but not before assaulting one of the employees by spraying his can of pink mace at his shirt, [[Chris and the Law|a felony]].

As of 4 December 2015, GameStop has banned Chris from all of their stores in the state of Virginia. Chris uploaded [[GameStop is UNFAIR to Everyone; Not Just Me!|a video]] about this on 7 December, after he received GameStop's letter informing him of his statewide ban.

==Websites==
===deviantART===
{{main|deviantART}}

Chris has been banned twice from deviantART. Both times were for a reason that you can probably guess right off the bat: sexual imagery without even bothering to use the proper mature content filters. The first time was around [[May 2009]], most likely due to the imagery from [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]; the second was August 28, 2009, due to the infamous cameltoe scene in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and the sex scene between [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===YouTube===
{{main|YouTube}}
Chris abandoned many of his accounts after troll attacks. One of his accounts, CChanSonichu, was suspended because of [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting videos]] he posted in tandem on 10 [[July 2009]].

===Wikipedia===
{{main|Wikipedia}}

On 1 May 2009, Chris created an account on Wikipedia, hoping to show his side to his life story, one that wasn't "smeared" by trolls. It was deleted soon afterward for violating Wikipedia's policy on userpages and notability. When he attempted to contest this course of action, his user account was indefinitely blocked (although the blocking admin actually believed it to be a [[wikipedia:Sockpuppet (Internet)|sockpuppet]] of a troll and not the genuine article). As of now, the article name "Christian Weston Chandler" has been "salted" to prevent it from ever being recreated.

===Flipnote Hatena===
{{main|Flipnote Hatena}}

After uploading and re-uploading numerous Flipnotes that violated the rules of the family-friendly Flipnote Hatena site, the moderators banned him permanently from uploading Flipnotes on the 2nd of [[July 2010]]. Chris has since evaded his ban. Flipnote Studio 3D was later released in [[February 2015]] after Flipnote Hatena shut down on the 31st of [[May 2013]]. Only time will tell if Chris manages to get banned from that as well.

===eBay===
{{main|Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing}}

Chris has attempted to sell the [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing]] on [[eBay]] since 1 [[June 2014]]. Time and again, however, the listing for the picture was taken down, either as a result of troll involvement, the listing expiring (the asking price of thousands of dollars not helping in that respect), or in true Chris fashion, breaking the terms of services on eBay by asking for offers on Facebook. This would culminate in a 3-day ban from eBay on June 8th, 2014. Chris, being incapable of taking "no" for an answer, stated his intention to put the picture back up for sale again the minute the ban expires.

On 12 June, Chris reposted the listing, only for eBay to give him ''another'' ban. When his second ban expired, he reposted a heavily-edited version of the posting, although still possible violating several of eBay's terms again. A third strike against Chris's tarnished eBay name is expected. Only time will tell if the world's largest online vendor will be added to the list of places that kicks Chris out and never lets him back in.

Around [[September 2014]], a guy named "Mr. Smith" decided to order one of Chris's mass-market [[medallions]], thinking that it would take 2 weeks to ship, not to ''create'' the medallion itself. After 2 weeks passed by with the medallion still not arrived, he filed a case to eBay, thus freezing Chris's PayPal. This ''really'' got Chris's [[duck]] in a twist, and led to a complicated series of events that later ended in eBay refunding Mr. Smith.

===Sega Customer Service===
{{main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

GameStop is not the only place Chris is banned from for raging over ''Sonic Boom''. On 12 [[December 2014]], Chris sent Sega Customer Service an angry e-mail that raged over ''Sonic Boom'' and told them to recall ''anything'' with Sonic's blarms on it...or else. Later in the day or the day after that, Sega banned his Customer Service account from the service.

===Facebook===
{{main|Facebook}}

On 3 [[July 2015]], Chris's Facebook account was taken down very briefly. While it is currently unknown why this occurred, it can likely be chalked up to Chris bending the rules of the website as per usual. These include screenshots of sexting, pictures of lizards mating, his omnipresent death threats to Sega, and linking to a Wikipedia article about tribadism with a sexual image as a thumbnail. The last straw was when he uploaded a drawing called "Pink Lemonade", which featuring Chris being showered with pink lemonade (or, as [[Kim Wilson]] interpreted it, menstruation blood) from a pitcher pouring it through a [[china]]-shaped lemon, and bragging about how "It will be on Long enough for all to enjoy a glass." It's beyond surprising that Facebook was able to keep up with Chris's shenanigans for 4 years before taking it down for the 3rd time. His account was then put back up the same day, proving that Chris is the ultimate bullet-dodger.

However, it seems he hasn't got off quite yet, as a recent picture he posted of his [[manboobs]] on 9 July was surprisingly taken down due to reports, which is the first time Chris has had a photo taken down on Facebook. He then reposted it, leading to his account getting deactivated the second time this month. It was then put back up, then closed yet again, and ''then'' put back up. It seems that this might be where it continues on, but with Facebook taking down a post that asked Chris's followers to fund him a prosthetic vagina in [[September 2015]], only time will tell.

On 29 [[November 2014]], the makers of the [[Keep Sonic Original]] page banned Chris from the group after a post was made containing death threats to Sega. Also, on 4 [[October 2015]], Chris got booted off the Amiibo Trade & Collectors page for hostile posts and making Amiibos out of original characters.

==Organizations==

===The Cub Scouts===

Chris stated in part 4 of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] that he was kicked out of the "[[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Wolf Cub Scouts]]" in the late [[1980s]] because he was autistic. Undoubtedly, it was for something he did that he didn't tell us about. His commentary suggested that he routinely angered his Den Mother with his illogical behavior and that he believed this to be the reason he is banned. In 2014, while on his [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|date]] with [[Catherine]], he elaborated that he was probably "being outbursting and loud for something," although he couldn't remember. In [[Mailbag 18#Instead the courts were on the side of justice|a Mailbag]], Chris revealed that his parents tried to sue the Boy Scouts of America over this incident.

===Piedmont Virginia Community College===
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

Two incidents occurred here. The first occurred on Chris's 21st [[birthday]], 24 February [[2003]]. Chris originally blamed the incident on him having an outburst when he was kicked out of a class after telling a male professor that he, like the main character in a story they were learning about, was autistic. According to [[Emily]], however, it turns out that he was kicked out because of his homophobic tendencies causing him to say something derogatory. In either case, Chris started his [[Love Quest]] this day.

The second incident occurred when, in mid-October [[2003]], Dean of Student Services [[Mary Lee Walsh]] spotted Chris and his [[Attraction Sign]] and took it away, criticizing Chris for his actions, as she believed he was trying to solicit sex on campus. When Walsh destroyed a second sign, Chris [[Chris and anger|raged]] and went on the offensive. This incident lead to her banning Chris for a year, forcing him to see a [[Autism papers|psychiatrist]] and go to anger management classes (neither of which seems to have helped).

===Grace Baptist Church===
{{main|Grace Baptist Church}}

Chris was banned from his old church in [[2008]]. He claimed in an email with [[lordsillynipples]], "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[ED]] page." Later, in [[Mailbag 14]], he claimed it was because "The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of [[Women's rights|women in bikinis]] on my [[Facebook]]; he was offended." Going by his frequent threats to use his new congregation as a personal army, it is not unlikely that Chris was booted out of the church when he linked his pastor to his ED page in the hope that Mr. Hartless would incite the congregation into raiding the ED page for Chris.

===Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church===
{{main|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church}}

A [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] leaked on 30 March 2013 revealed that some time between [[July 2011]] and [[March 2013]], Chris had earned himself a temporary ban from Wesley Methodist, probably because he had repeatedly (and annoyingly) aired his endless grievances about trolls during the homily.

{{quote|I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced.|Chris, on how his own church is now playing [[Kick the Autistic]]}}

{{Lists}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Talk:Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys

2015-02-19T17:24:39Z

Der Zuschauer:

I feel that this article should be deleted. It serves as nothing but a promotion for someone's (likely the author of this article's) Chris-inspired album, and has nothing to do with Chris related events. If we leave it up, that means that all fan videos/song recordings have the right to a page, and I do not feel that this is conducive to an informative wiki.[[User:Kewlkat101|Kewlkat101]] ([[User talk:Kewlkat101|talk]])

I'm fully aware how denying you're somebody else only raises more suspicion, but I'm not the Rexy guy listed in the article. I just thought this fan album was worthy of its own article. If there's no posts about this album on the [[Kiwi Farms]] then I guess it could be taken off. --[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 22:31, 18 February 2015 (UTC)
:I was about to say it's clear as day that you're not the one who made this album, and you're not self-promoting. I remember this being a thing 2 years ago. Good on you for the work. --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] ([[User talk:DawnDusk|talk]]) 07:25, 19 February 2015 (UTC)

Even if it's not directly from the horse's ass's mouth, it's Chris-related. If '''''NO SHIT IS TOO MINOR''''', why should it be deleted? [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] ([[User talk:Der Zuschauer|talk]]) 17:24, 19 February 2015 (UTC)

Talk:Chris and English

2015-01-05T17:00:03Z

Der Zuschauer:

== "Spelling" is now "Typos" & "Spelling" ==

I made an account on this wiki for the sole purpose of fixing that.
it's been driving me crazy for like a million years now...
Hope it's okay (:

--[[User:Oddguy|Oddguy]] 2 June 2012

there's a difference between a spelling error (geinus or however he's been doing it for the past like what 6 years?) and typo

but i think this could be expanded to a Chris and English page imo [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 21:33, 21 October 2009 (CEST)
* Good point. --[[User:USAJAP1|USAJAP1]] 21:36, 21 October 2009 (CEST)
:*Chris and English sounds like a good idea to me. The way he talks and writes is unique, to say the least.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 21:50, 21 October 2009 (CEST)
::*Yeah, especially considering [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|this]]. --[[User:USAJAP1|USAJAP1]] 21:57, 21 October 2009 (CEST)

== Spelling errors ==
Geinus seems to be the main one he's been making for years. Any others? Observe his grammar patterns and other shit and stuff. Yeah. stuff. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 03:53, 22 October 2009 (CEST)
*"Seinor" is one he does consistently. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:00, 23 October 2009 (CEST)

==Autism==
I haven't read the article in full yet but I don't think there's anything noting that awkward speech is usually associated with autism. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:00, 23 October 2009 (CEST)
*It didn't even occur to me. My bad. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 23 October 2009 (CEST)
*Many autistics (at least aspies; you know, the ones whom Chris thinks are not actually autistic) are actually very precise and pendantic about grammar and spelling in a way that is quite unlike Chris. It wasn't for nothing that Hans Asperger called the kids he studied "little professors." --[[User:Doomknight|Doomknight]] 03:52, 2 December 2009 (CET)
*Likewise, some of the semantics thing is an autism thing. Like Chris answering "yes" to "Do you listen to music while drawing?" is an autistic thing. It's sorta like on [[Facebook]] when people would message him after he'd request to be their friend with "Do I know you?" and Chris would say something like "I don't know, I can't read your mind." Autistics tend to have very literal thinking and will fail to see the subtlety of a question, in this case "Do I know you?" is the socially accepted way of saying "Typically, people requesting to be my friend are people I know, and I don't know you. Are we connected in any way?" The "pen is mightier than the sword but more permanent than the pencil" is more of a random access humor thing. In fact, the random access humor is partially based in childish verb puns. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:33, 2 December 2009 (CET)
**The literal answers to questions deal is technically known as a lack of linguistic pragmatism. His fairly flat, unnaturally patterned speaking voice is probably a case of aprosodic speech. I'm mentioning it here because I don't think it matters much to the article, so I'm hesitant to add it (especially as my first edit), but there are attempts at technical terminology here and there. [[User:MaybeNever|MaybeNever]] 03:26, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

==Chris and abstract thinking==
Do you think this could be a "Chris and..." article? There is plenty of evidence that he is NOT an abstract thinker (This would highlight his "Child-like" thinking; children tend be concrete, i.e. literal, in their thinking, Chris is no exception). There's enough evidence of his concrete thinking to make into a separate article. . --[[User:Scarletdragon|Scarletdragon]] 23:21, 2 December, 2009 (CET)
*This is something that could be discussed in the [[autism]] article (and it's already discussed there) since this is really an autism thing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:44, 2 December 2009 (CET)

== Attempts to sound suave and educated ==

I can't really pin it down (I'm not great at literary analysis), but I've noticed that Chris often attempts to sound like, I dunno, a 19th century upper-middle class English writer. For example, in the email describing his detective work regarding the photo taken at the Game Place, he refers to playing a card game with "a young gentleman." I'm too lazy to search for more examples but perhaps you guys know what I mean. I you agree this is a trait, it should be mentioned either here or in the [[Writing]] article. [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 06:51, 6 December 2009 (CET)

==Name change==

This article should probably be renamed Chris and Language. What do you think? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:23, 6 June 2010 (UTC)

== Renaming ==

I love how [[Spanish]] starts out and how it works without it being "Chris and Spanish." Perhaps the same should be done with this? thoughts? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:45, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

== Sarcasm ==

I think we need a better example for Chris' inability to understand sarcasm. Yeah, he missed the fact that Dan Hibiki is a Joke Character, but you have to remember that Chris is woefully behind the times. Dan wasn't in Street Fighter II, which is probably the last Street Fighter game Chris has even heard of. And that's if Chris has even played Street Fighter. Plus, as of Street Fighter IV, Dan is (supposedly) more of a Lethal Joke Character. A better example would be his interview with Screwattack Europe, where it's pretty obvious that the interviewer is mocking him. --[[User:Edrobot|Edrobot]] 03:14, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

==Some technicalities==

Sorry for being pedantic, but there are a billion links back to the CWCki's page on [[Autism]], but (to me, at least), some of the 'This is a characteristic of Autism' (to paraphrase) statements that are tacked onto the ends of some paragraphs seem like they were added shoddily out of necessity, and thus that the "characteristics" were thought up on the spot. I was tempted to add "citation needed" to one that particularly stood out, but resisted the urge. <s>Also, I don't really know how to word it better, but there are two separate sections that deal with the link between concrete thought and Autism directly, could that not be revised, and perhaps somehow merged/better linked with the Sarcasm section?</s> (Oh, I also *ahem* corrected some of the grammar, to explain my edit on the page...) [[User:Sussuro|Sussuro]] 15:17, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
*Well, I did it myself. If anyone can do any better or is disappoint in my attempt, please go ahead and change it.[[User:Sussuro|Sussuro]] 01:52, 18 August 2010 (PDT)

I have to agree with too many links to autism. it's like some internet meme after everything Chris does that's stupid it's LOL PUT AUTISM LINK HERE. [[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 16:48, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

== Repetitive language ==

We all know that Chris uses the exact same fucking terms over and over again, be they CWC-neologisms ("[[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]", "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]", "[[TRUE and HONEST]]"... you know the rest) or even actual proper terms ("Slanderous mockeries", "mislabeling", "I do not care for", even "crestfallen"), albeit with some slightly modified definitions. I actually found his repetitive use of the word "crestfallen" particularly interesting, since this is not only surprisingly advanced vocabulary, but Chris hasn't exactly used that many variations of the term. This paradoxically indicates both an advanced AND limited vocabulary. Perhaps this is just Chris trying to sound all-grown-up and [[fail]]ing.

Is this notable, or is this just something for the [[Autism]] bin by virtue of the fact that this is just repetitive autistic behavior? --[[User:SeventhBase|SeventhBase]] 03:30, 21 July 2010 (UTC)

:I've had this idea bumping around on my userpage for a long long time. I finally decided to codify it and add it to the page. If this is a crap edit, please revert, but I felt it was worth slipping in.[[User:Sygerrik|Sygerrik]] 01:26, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

== Advertising ==

Hey. I cleared out that part of the article. Fact is, Chris advertises/puts on the advertising voice so rarely, it really didn't feel like it needed its own section. Plus, seeing the incomplete tag sort of breaks the page flow, so you know. [[User:PerilousSquall|PerilousSquall]] 12:41, 13 December 2010 (PST)

== Dead link ==

During several automated bot runs the following external link was found to be unavailable. Please check if the link is in fact down and fix or remove it in that case!

* http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html
** In [[Chris and English]] on 2011-09-20 22:30:42, 404 Not Found
** In [[Chris and English]] on 2011-09-28 08:01:31, 404 Not Found

--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:01, 28 September 2011 (PDT)

== CWC-Isms ==

there is an entire cwc-isms category that is never linked here. should it be?
[[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 11:10, 7 December 2011 (PST)

== Slander ==

Hey I've noticed how little people talk about Chris and Slander. I read what you wrote about it but what about the times Chris has slandered people. Ex. Michael Snyder being a child molester. --Supyloco 2:55, 6 January 2012 (PST)
* its not slander if its true.. you are aloud to have opinions and presumptions, slander is is causing harm by lying.
* Yeah but he said that Michael Snyder molested his kids while he had no proof of that. He also said that Jason was a rapist. --Supyloco 1:24, 6 January 2012 (PST)

== Chris's and adverbs ==

Should we add Chris's lack of adjectives in both speech and written work onto the Chris and English page?

* Go right ahead. Also, please remember to sign your posts with <nowiki>"~~~~"</nowiki>. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 08:34, 8 March 2014 (UTC)

== Chris's tendency to Capitalize Certain Words and WRITE OTHERS IN ALL CAPS ==

So I'm reading through some of Chris' old posts on Facebook and chats, and I've come up with a theory as to why Certain Words Are Capitalized, others aren't, and SOME ARE IN ALL CAPS. Chris doesn't write as if he's writing, committing words to paper; he writes as if he's speaking into the paper, as if the written words will remember the intonation of his voice, and thus whoever reads it will know where he's placing emphasis.

Words that are all in lowercase are words that are supposed to be spoken at normal speaking volume. Words That Are Capitalized Are Meant To Be Slightly Louder As If Chris Is Speaking Forcefully, AND WORDS THAT ARE ALL IN CAPITALS ARE EVEN LOUDER AND MORE FORCEFUL, POSSIBLY BORDERING ON YELLING.

Thus, it has less to do with the importance of the words to the sentence or the concept he's writing about, and more to do with how loud he feels he needs to be to get his way, much the same as his usage of verbal English. [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] ([[User talk:Der Zuschauer|talk]]) 17:00, 5 January 2015 (UTC)

A-Logs

2014-09-26T18:16:27Z

Der Zuschauer:

[[File:A_Log.jpg|thumb|240px|Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto was a YouTube commentator known for his commentaries on Chris's videos and harshly criticizing Chris while having many faults similar to Chris himself.]]
[[File:A-Logging in nutshell.jpg|thumb|A-Logging in a nutshell. You don't even need to watch the video in question, the title and thumbnail is quite enough, thank you very much.]]

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Protip|This article is about the term "A-Logging", not about Anthony Logatto. Information on A-Log himself should either go to his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, or to the Logattopedia.}}

{{quote|What Saddam did in the [[Father Call|Gulf War]] was potatoes to what [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has done.|A-Log, and an example of A-Logging}}

'''A-Logging''' is a term used to describe the practice of those who follow Chris who wish to inflict harm upon him, often physical, and often for perceived "crimes" that Chris is "guilty" of. Those who follow this practice are known as '''A-Logs'''. A-Logs are an opposite extreme to [[White knight|white knights]], whereas white knights try to defend Chris from [[trolls]] and help him to improve his situation, A-Logs hold the belief that Chris is beneath contempt and deserving of whatever scorn and harm he is subjected to and then some. While once fashionable, it has become a view associated with people who wish to "trollshield" themselves, and therefore is looked down upon by the greater CWC community.

The term originates from '''Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto''', a [[YouTube]] commentator who is known for providing commentary on Chris's videos, and often goes on about how Chris is an awful person (and how he, A-Log, is better) and wishes harm to be inflicted on him. However, A-Log is notorious for being known as "Chris-Chan 2.0" because of his poorly-written erotic fanfiction, his radio show, his awkward interviews at WolfDork.com etc. It was this practice, among other things (including his own similarities to Chris himself), that led to A-Log becoming a trolling subject himself, and the inspiration of this very page.

==Motivations==
There are a few motivations which are common in A-Logs, as they are the motivations behind the original A-Log's commentaries.

===Justifications for trolling Chris===
Some would argue that it is sinister and just plain wrong to mock a mentally deficient person such as Chris. As a result, some people justify trolling him by arguing that he ''is'', in fact, a bad person who "deserves" to be trolled. One common argument is that "Chris gives [[autism|autistics]] a bad name." Others will appeal to his [[Chris and race|debatable racism]], [[homos|homophobia]], or [[Women's rights|sexism]] as excuses to troll Chris. By establishing that Chris is a bad person, it seems to justify that Chris not only deserves the treatment he currently receives, but also deserves physical and/or psychological harm inflicted on him.

It was notable that Chris had done quite a lot of horrible deeds in his life - be it [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|cursing his former potential sweetheart Megan Schroeder for trolling him]] (which of course, she obviously didn't) or [[28 October 2011|running over Michael Snyder with his car]]. This motivated the A-Loggers to ironically wish him death and curse him.

===Trollshielding===
Often times, those who "A-Log" do so to "[https://encyclopediadramatica.es/Troll_Shielding trollshield]" or avoid becoming troll victims as well. These people tend to have many traits in common with Chris - they too are autistic, still live at home beyond an appropriate age, are unemployed and/or are living off welfare, have trouble with romance, or are fixated on childish things. Some are perhaps even worse off than Chris. However, A-Logs will argue that they are "at least not like Chris" and are fervent in their urge to troll Chris so people don't troll them themselves. Often times, as in the case of the original A-Log this backfires and they find themselves becoming the subject of trolls.

==Arguments against A-Logs==

While Chris is far from perfect, there are those who believe that he is not exactly deserving of harm or extreme abuse that A-Logs would call for. This is reminiscent of the divided opinions in regards to [[BlueSpike]] and his style of trolling, with many disapproving of his extreme methods, but some who want a return to those more sadistic times.

===Chris is not Hitler===
Chris is not an utterly despicable person who is guilty of "crimes" that must be punished. Hitler was responsible for the death of nearly 11 million civilians during World War II.<ref>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/36qs.html 36 Questions & Answers About the Holocaust]</ref> For the most part, Chris is just a gullible idiot who spends his time playing [[video games|vidya]]. While he ''is'' quite prone to [[Chris and anger|rage]] and has a noted tendency to threaten people with violence and [[death threats|death]], it is generally understood that Chris is not competent enough to actually carry out any threats. There are only a few notable events in [[Sonichu_8|Sonichu]] and [[Sonichu_10|CWCville]] where Chris's fictional actions are violent. The October 2011 GAMe PLACe incident also seems to portray Chris as a truly violent individual. More likely than not, Chris's actions on that day were the result of his mother's influence, non-existent driving skills, and sheer blind panic rather than outright malevolence.<ref>[[28 October 2011#Email?|"Mom took the wheel"]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut|Chris exhibits poor judgement while driving]]</ref>

===Legal Liability===
Perhaps the best reason against A-Logging is the legal liability (i.e. being charged and possibly convicted of stalking, terroristic threats, assault, or any other possible charges that could be filed against someone). Whatever feelings a person may have against Christian Weston Chandler, there is no legal defense for someone taking the law into their own hands and subsequently ending up with a possible life-altering felony conviction. In addition to this, the charm of watching Chris is his eternal struggle against a nonexistent enemy. Committing actual violence would only legitimize Chris's victim complex.

====Chris's [[Chris and race|racism]] and [[Homos|homophobia]]====
While his views on race and homosexuality are not politically correct, they hardly seem to suggest Chris is an amoral monster. Chris's discomfort for black people, while not politically correct, is arguably more from failing to understand social norms. Chris simply doesn't understand that one does not announce to the world one is discomforted by African-Americans; this is far from the outright ideology of white supremacy that your average KKK member would have. Chris has no history of actually going out and lynching blacks or other minorities that discomfort him. Chris's notable offenses have been picking on and applying stereotypes to the black kids who defeated him in card games at [[The GAMe PLACe]], as well as using "Jew" as a pejorative against [[Michael Snyder]], who Chris inaccurately believes to be Jewish. One of Chris's grievances, if you can call it that, is that non-white women don't fit his ideal vision of a [[sweetheart]], which he constantly fails to properly articulate; it is entirely possible for a non-racist white man to not be sexually attracted to non-white women. Chris has used the racial slur of "nigger" in a few of his means of communication, though he shows some degree of reservation where he uses this word. During the [[Lars Call]], Chris shows great apprehension towards using the word "nigga" and only does so when Lars gives him implicit permission. One of the most famous instances of Chris's use of the word "nigger" is in his video confronting Surf Shack Tito on his trolling efforts.<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb#Video|On camera use of the word "nigger"]]</ref> In this video, Chris's racism is often found humorous as Tito is meant to be of Hawaiian descent. When one examines Chris's use of the word, he does not show any understanding of the complexity, history, proper context, or underlying implications of the slur.<ref>[[Surfshack Tito E-mails|Chris's liberal use of "nigger"]]</ref> Once again, it is likely that Chris has been exposed to this word and chooses to repeat it blindly as he knows it that it is edgy and offensive to African-Americans.

In regards to his homophobia, while his reasons are ill-informed at best, Chris is a rather ordinary person who is discomforted by homosexuals. Chris's father is the likely source of Chris's dislike of homosexuals as Chris has had very little friendly interaction with anyone, never mind true homosexuals.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call#Transcript|"[...]conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were gay[...]"]]</ref><ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|"[...]and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me."]]</ref> In short, Chris is ''not'' the Westboro Baptist Church- he is not involved in massive campaigns against homosexuals using inflammatory language or protests, nor is he head of a power-lobbying group against LGBT individuals in Washington.

====The tugboat====
Some A-Logs contend that Chris is a bad person because he "steals" [[tugboat|taxpayer]] money. What is almost always overlooked by A-Logs who make this claim is that it wasn’t Chris who applied for social security disability; it was [[Bob|his father]] who applied for Chris and it was he who convinced Chris that he would make more off of disability than working at a minimum wage job. Realistically, Chris didn’t have any say in the matter because Bob held all the purse strings when it came to Chris having food, shelter and clothing.

So why doesn’t Chris get off his “lazy butt and earn his keep”? Well, because there are a couple of very difficult barriers that stand in his way that many A-Loggers simply don’t take into consideration.

First, there is the bureaucratic red tape and regulations involved in someone who is on disability working full-time. Ironically, it isn’t Chris sitting around playing video games day after day receiving a government check that would likely get him in trouble for disability fraud, it would be working full-time at a minimum wage job while still getting a disability check that would get him in trouble.

Second, there is the issue of Chris's lack of preparation in independent living skills as well as his lack of coaching in finding a job and being able to keep it. Moreover, given Chris’s rather infamous reputation by people who have documented every unsavory aspect of his life, it would be more likely than not by taking someone working in human services or in the employment field (that has extremely strong networking and connections) and a job coach (on a long-term basis) to convince a skeptical employer to give Chris a realistic chance at successfully finding and keeping a job. In addition, given Chris's rap sheet, even under ideal circumstances Chris's chances at decent employment may be slim at best. Chris has been convicted for the events of [[28 October 2011]] which may deter potential employers, regardless of his ability to perform to tasks they set him. While it may sound attractive to the uninformed to "kick his ass" when it comes to Chris working, in reality there are deep-seated issues that go way beyond the expertise of a few trolls, and no amount of A-Logging can change this.

===Chris is just an idiot===
Chris is not mentally retarded as defined by medical standards. His IQ is within normal range. What trips him up is his lack of "street smarts" or common sense. He actually believed that an [[Vanessa Hudgens|attractive celebrity]] was interested in him sexually and that he was talking to her. He still insists that he's had many [[sweetheart|sweethearts]], all very attractive women, and doesn't find it curious that they suddenly die or disappear. He is an easy mark, not a criminal mastermind.

===Most people can avoid the trolls===
Chris ''does'' share traits with a lot of people, and some of these traits are quite disturbing and embarrassing. It's a fair assumption that a lot of people who are following Chris's antics are unemployed gamer losers, for example. A lot of people have seen Chris and uttered "Finally, here's someone who's far more pathetic than I am".

But these traits, in itself, ''don't'' make you trollable. They ''may'' make you subject to ridicule, but it's an altogether different matter how you respond to that ridicule. You may give the people who laugh at you a mature response – laugh along with them at your own admitted faults, or just let the unwarranted criticism be what it is. Trolls certainly aren't interested in productive debate.

''Or'' you can be like Chris and get [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|BLANGRY]] at every traitorous troll under lucricities, which is exactly what the trolls want.

Most people can recognize their own faults and try to cope with them. Chris cannot.

==Examples==
{{quote|Obviously you've never heard of what he calls other people who are autistic, and that he calls people with [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]](such as myself) "fakers". he doesn't deserve some, he deserves everything for giving us a bad name. The [[trolls]] are also doing what they do to him for a good reason. it's not about the autism to them, but more of that he's a moron who is evil reincarnate and deserves to go back to hell. I don't believe you know what all CWC has done to us on youtube.|GamerXZ0, in a YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos.}}

{{quote|29 years ago today, satan was born and molded into the fucktardian [[Duck|PENIS]] we know & despise today! Should i ever see him i'm gonna [[wikipedia:Mass Transit incident (professional wrestling)|destroy him worse than new jack did to mass transit!]]|ISLAVERDE29, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos.}}

{{quote|Hooray [[Bob Chandler|he's]] dead. Now he'lll be spending his eternity in hell while I go piss on his grave.|mxc82, again, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos, referring to [[Bob Chandler]]'s death.}}

{{quote|Mostly because I was hoping the video would end with him getting shot dead. by the [[Ruckersville]] [[Jerkops|police]]. You can imagine how disappointed I am to find him still alive and kicking when the video is over.|CKO92 on YouTube reacting over [[CWC_Lego_Manchester_High_School_Oct_18_2013|Chris's recent video]].}}

{{quote|Chris Chan u are the single worst human being who ever live. If it wasn't for u fellow [[Autism|autistics]] and [[Sonichu|Sonic OC]] creators like me would be respected by the world. What you have done is unforgivable. I hope [[Barb]] dies and you spend the last minutes of your life crying about how your a pathetic failure fuck you|OfficialSteroidHedgy, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account.}}

{{quote|I hope you are ashamed that a retarded autistic person (just like yourself) killed 20 innocent kids....all autistic people should be wiped from the earth and aborted before birth since you are all evil i wish the worst fates that heaven and hell can bring upon you and all the other autistic pieces of shit like you|RealReplyGirl4Ever, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account- comparing Chris to [[wikipedia:Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|a man who shot up an elementary school]], and '''advocating genocide.'''}}

{{quote|Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!! Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? Hey, Chris? Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the [[medallion]] or shove it up your butt: make your choice. Ah, interrogating [[Autism|autistics]], it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. |[[Bluespike]].}}

{{quote|Guess whose house burned down today. CHRIS-CHAN!|Bad Webcomics Wiki, gloating on their Facebook Page about [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Chris's house burning down]].}}

{{quote|HAHAHAHAHA|A response by the Bad Webcomics Wiki when a troll calls them out for the above.}}

{{quote|Sadly, yes.|Another post from the Bad Webcomics Wiki's Facebook Page, when told that Chris survived the fire.}}

==See Also==
*[[Weening]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Anthony_%27A-Log%27_LoGatto Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto on Encyclopedia Dramatica]
*[http://logattopedia.wikinet.org/wiki/Main_Page Logattopedia]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/GeorgieBoyReturns YouTube: The A-Log Archive]
*[http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/04/log-man-in-mirror.html An article from Forces of Geek about A-Log, and a more in-depth on Alogging.]

[[Category: Trolling]]

Talk:October 2013 Facebook Posts

2013-10-15T17:37:46Z

Der Zuschauer:

== And I not or you and your army ==
I'm pretty sure that this is supposed to be "And if not for you and your army". This isn't a case of Chris mangling the English language, it's a case of his F key not working. [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] 12:37, 10 October 2013 (PDT)
:Typos can be made and malfunctions can afflict certain keys. That being said, it's not like Chris had no way of obtaining the letter. I've dealt with this when similarly troubled, and have found it takes little effort. I would argue this ''does'' play into Chris' difficulties with English, but more in line with his failure to proofread and/or laziness to act on problems found in proofreading rather than plain mangling. --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 15:47, 10 October 2013 (PDT)
::Would it then be suitable to have the phrase link to [[Chris and writing]]? The connection is a little harder to immediately see than reading it and thinking "he has no idea how to form English phrases", but given the reasoning (failure to proofread) I think it makes more sense to refer to his writing skills rather than his language skills. [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] 10:37, 15 October 2013 (PDT)

Talk:October 2013 Facebook Posts

2013-10-10T19:37:09Z

Der Zuschauer:

Talk:October 2013 Facebook Posts

2013-10-10T19:29:21Z

Der Zuschauer: Created page with " == And I not or you and your army == I'm pretty sure that this is supposed to be "And if not for you and your army". This isn't a case of Chris mangling the English language..."

Facebook

2013-10-10T19:05:03Z

Der Zuschauer: Added links to September and October 2013 posts pages in See Also section.

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:Facebook.jpg|center|300px]]
[[Image:cwc666.PNG|thumb|His friends list has hit the number of [[Clyde Cash|the Beast]].]]
'''Facebook''' is [[Chris]]'s other means of communication aside from [[MySpace]] on his [[Love Quest]]. While often looked over, his correspondence with these [[Trolls|e-women]] reveals that even on the Internet, he manages to convey that he is a fat [[autism|autistic]].

On 31 May 2009, Chris's Facebook was hacked, revealing notes and messages to [[boyfriend-free girls]] in the area in hopes of them becoming his [[sweetheart]]. He failed horribly of course, and [[the Miscreants]] showed us how hard.

Events in 2010 turned Chris firmly against the website. He blamed it in part for his breakup with [[the Wallflower]], and in November had some harsh words and gestures for it while announcing his [[100 2357.MOV|departure from the Internet]].

Sometime in mid 2011, his Facebook account was removed from the site. On 5 [[July 2011]], a new Facebook was discovered with a new picture of Chris. Two days later, his profile was deactivated.

On 2 [[January 2012]], Chris re-opened his Facebook account and uses it as his personal [[Attraction Sign|attraction sign]]. Since then, he has left occasional open notes for trolls and talked to his gal-pals, most frequently [[Anna]]. He also has an album dedicated to screenshots of the [[CWCki Forums]], proving that, although he has generally not associated with the trolls much throughout [[2012]], he still feels the need to [[Chris and his Ego|obsessively check what other people are saying about him on a regular basis]].

==Notes From The Man Himself==

{{Incomplete}}

===Shooting Myself in the Foot===

{{quotebox|1=
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 1:34pm

I have often "shot myself in the foot" with great mistakes, including and especially, all of the mistakes I've made from letting myself be Blackmailed, Tricked, Deceived, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, by immature individuals who hide behind the veil of the internet to create hate-filled slanders of my once good name; those people are nothing more than privacy-invading, [[My Little Pony|gum-gabbing, gossip columnists, working for a gravely corrupted, should-be-fired-for-good "editor in chief".]]
}}

===An Open Note===
{{quotebox|1=
Sunday, [[April 2012|April 1, 2012]] at 11:12pm

I want to make something very clear to everyone on [[the internet]]. The hatred against me for the sake of hatred is unjustifiable, and totally uncalled for. [[White Knights|You People Do Not Really give a damn about what happens to me]]. The ONLY person in this world who knows me most and Truly cares about me is [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]]. The Real Friends I have made throughout my lifetime In Person, FREE From the internet, have had the opportunity to know me for who I Truly Am, a [[Death_threats|Caring]], [[Chris_and_remorse|Compassionate]], all-around [[Twin_Falling_Towers|Good Person]]. Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who [[Megan Schroeder|turned Coldest]] [[The Wallflower|Shoulder Against me]] and STARTED all of the Online Hatred. And the rest of you who have Not Met Me AT ALL and INSIST of friending me online; DO I KNOW YOU PEOPLE? NO, I do Not, and I do not think I will EVER want to meet the Vast Majority of you, because you all ONLY want to add further to the [[CWCki|Gabby Gossip Column full of hatred and uncaring content.]]

The ONLY person I have in the world who Cares about me the most is my mother, [[Barbara]], and outside of [[14 Branchland Court|this house]], I do not really have that many people to ANY person who Cares about me at all, even my relatives. NOBODY cares what happens to me and my mother. To the Majority of you, I pray the soul of [[Bob Chandler|my father]] gives you all nightmares, and may [[God]] have mercy on your souls.

You Do Not Really Care About Me, Christian Weston Chandler.
}}

===An Open Note (4/13/2012)===

(note: while it was once a public note, it has either been removed or set to private)

{{quotebox|1=
Friday, [[April 2012|April 13, 2012]] at 10:08pm

It is true, I, Christian Weston Chandler, have had sexual intercourse with a lovely woman Wednesday, April 4, 2012. There is nothing inconceivable about it from the lovely lady and I having the pleasant conversation, exchanging phone numbers, and the very pleasant experience between her and I behind the closed doors at her place. Penile/Vaginal intercourse, Cuddling and Blowing have all taken place.

[[Ego|I do not require any congratulations]] or communications towards any discussions of the details, because I will never tell the full story anywhere online, and certainly anyone I do not, and have not, known personally and In Person.

And to all who continue to pick on and torture me, this is one thing that will ONLY be in your own [[Lie|self-fabricated theories and fables]]; you will never get the full story. And your reign of terror will only result in mockery towards your own Troll/Cyber-Bully kind. You all have my pity towards your [[Chris and remorse|selfish]], [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|demoralizing]], [[28_October_2011#Aftermath|incriminating]], [[Virgin With Rage|lonely]], [[Chris and Anger|hate-for-hate's-sake-filled jealousy and hatred]], and whatever [[Autism|mental and emotional issues]] you each likely suffer from.

You Trolls, Get A Life.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
4/13/2012
}}

===to @cogsdev from me, @CWCSonichu===

{{quotebox|1=
Monday [[April 2012|April 16, 2012]] at 4:21am

Heh. Heh. Heh. ;:j

I am watching YOU, foolish Cyber-Bullies. I LAUGH at your ill idiosyncratic discussions and [[Ego|thinking you all are better than me]]. If you are better, Why have you NOT Learned any Maturity for yourselves. It is wrong to continuously [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|laugh at people with a disability]], and their mistakes, because [[Chris and Reality|the tables turn on the laughing bully and troll]].

[[Chris_and_religion#Delusions_of_Godhood.3F|I am in your dreams]], haunting you for your aiding and abeting towards your sole hate-filled reasons, [[Chris and English|jealosies and lackluster purposes]] against me and my family and friends.

You ALL will pay for your Crimes and Sins of Cyber-Bullying the [[Virgin_with_rage#No_longer_a_virgin_.28no_word_on_the_rage.29|once innocent]] good people and myself. Changing your avatar and screen name and website are all useless, because I Can And Will Find YOU again and again, and I will continue to Laugh at you all and your immature idiosyncries.

HA HA HA.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>This note will be removed from here after being copied or screencapped.<ref>http://789chan.org/cwc/src/13346684418.jpg</ref>
}}

===Save and Keep Derpy Hooves Pony.===

{{quotebox|1=
Wednesday, 25 April 2012 at 17:45

In my humble opinion, I actually like [[Wikipedia:List_of_My_Little_Pony:_Friendship_Is_Magic_characters#Derpy|Derpy]] for her name, given I feel the new voice is an improvement; her name is still very cute. I take no offense whatsoever to the word. I first heard the word from [[Wikipedia:The Biggest Douche in the Universe|an episode]] of "[[South Park]]"; I thought it was only gibberish, and it was funny.

Derpy should still be a featured character, because let's face it, NOBODY, or NOPONY, is mentally perfect, and it is a character like Derpy here that makes us all aware of mental disabilities, great (low-functioning) or small (high-functioning) to tolerate them and help them towards better self-confidence, because [[Chris and reality|we ALL need to feel like we are capable of surviving in this world, community and all public and social situations.]]

I, Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], VA, [[USA]], respect and like Derpy, and I encourage [[Wikipedia:Lauren Faust|Lauren Faust]], [[Wikipedia:Amy Keating Rogers|Amy Keating Rogers]], and the rest of the [[My Little Pony|MLP:FIM]] crew to keep her on WITH her name, and create an episode teaching tolerance.

Christian Weston Chandler.
April 25, 2012

MLP: FiM - Derpy Talks and Derps
www.youtube.com
UPDATE! Derpy has been removed as canon from this episode. Whether it is permanent or not is not yet known. To see why, click this link to an e-mail the writ...

[[File:Saved.jpg]]

<nowiki>http://www.savederpy.com</nowiki>
}}

Chris later commented:

{{quotebox|1=
And what's more good, I have the Original Episode recorded as well from when it aired on [[Wikipedia:The Hub (TV channel)|the Hub]] on Janurary 21, 2012 on my DVR. I really like Derpy. Although I take back what I said about the new voice; the Original Voice IS Better.
}}

===I have decided===
{{quotebox|1=
Thursday, 26 [[April 2012]] at 19:35

The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville]], Virginia, WITH my sign and going into my [[Sweetheart Search]] with Full On Guns a Blazin'. I will be there on bi-daily starting this Saturday, April 27, 2012 fom 2:00 to 5:30 PM, EST. And I do not care Who shows up, and [[Mimms|Photographs]] are encouraged with gusto of the mall, me And my Sign on the [[Random-access humor|Hippo on my Head]].

I Welcome All.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
April 25, 2012
}}

Chris later revised this note, with additions bolded.

{{quotebox|1=
The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to Fashion Square Shopping Center in Charlottesville, Virginia, WITH my sign and going into my Sweetheart Search with Full On Guns a Blazin'. I will be there on bi-daily '''(Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays) starting this Saturday, April 28, 2012''' fom 2:00 to 5:30 PM, EST. And I do not care Who shows up, and Photographs are encouraged with gusto of the mall, me And my Sign on the Hippo on my Head. '''(EVERYBODY has a Hippo on their head; it is called the Hippocampus)'''

I Welcome All.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
April 25, 2012
}}

Chris later commented:

{{quotebox|1=
I meant the 28th; it was my mistake in judgment at the time of typing up this Note.}}

===Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D===

On '''28 April 2012''', Chris posted in Facebook once again, declaring "victory" against the trolls. His reason for ego-tripping was his belief that he had fooled the trolls by announcing that he would come out in public with a new Attraction Sign, subsequently causing them confusion when he didn't show up. Unfortunately for Chris, he ends up making an utter jackass of himself with this post, both by confirming that he [[Chris and Anger|let the trolls get to him in the mall,]] resulting in a shouting match that got him thrown out, as well as basically admitting that his brilliant "revenge" involved him staying holed up in his room, something he does every single day of his life anyway. The delusion that he has "won" when in fact he's shot himself in the foot yet again is really staggering.

He also takes the time to issue [[Death_threats#Likelihood_of_Acting_Out_on_Death_Threats|idle death threats]] to his trolls at the end of his bellowing, almost as if he was desperate for people to take him seriously.

{{quotebox|1=

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

You, ALL of YOU, Trolls and Cyber-Bullies, You all are SOO [[Chris and the Law|Fallible]], [[Jackie|Gullible]], [[Death_threat#Chris_as_recipient|Paranoia-Prone]], [[Chris and Fashion|Clownish]], [[14 Branchland Court|At the Bottom of the Heap]], [[Christian Weston Chandler|Stupid]] [[Tomgirl Pictures|FOOLS]]. For I, Christian Weston Chandler, have [[Chris and Reality|FOOLED the VAST Majority of You All]] (not counting those who have posted their own Suspicions). YES, YES, YES! I HAVE been reading your [[Christian Weston Chandler|comically inept]] and crackpot theoretical posts on your Forum. NOTHING IS Private to and of you fools. ;8j

To preface, I will enlighten your puny minds straightforward. I HAD no intention, purpose, or Ability to go to Fashion Square At All on today the 28th. Do you want to know why? OH, you all are soo impresionable. On the 31st of March, I was really having a bad day, what with the upcoming court date on the 4th of April and all. I was feeling very irritable then. I was walking the mall peacefully, but with the stress in my head. I answer a few calls from a troll or two, just to give you all a piece of my anger. Yes, Yes, LAUGH and SCOFF all you want. My answers were cursory and loud. Overheard, YES, I was chased by Jerkops. But I did not receive the yellow slip until the 25th of April that said, "BANNED". So, I later decided to pull a prank on YOU ALL. The elaborate Facebook Note; LETTING YOU ALL shoot yourselves in the foot more by Prank Calling the Mall, and their latest Manager, Mr. Weiner (his name was on the slip, next to "Manager"). I too scoff at his [[Pickle|small-sausage name.]] All I had to do was stay at home with doors locked, and let you all argue and fight it out. I read your posts and laughed and laughed at EVERYTHING you thought was true or what was false; theories and [[Honor roll|mistaken "facts".]]

You all THINK you know me, but you REALLY DO NOT, and You All JUST DO NOT, AND NEVER WILL, UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL. And as long as your Purpose of Knowing Me consists of that of Gossip Columnist or Worse, Trolling, Bullying, Cyber-Bullying, [[Megan|Abuse]], or anything of Malcontent, [[EXCLUSIVE_Manchester_High_School_2000_Reunion_Required_NOW|I Do NOT want you to Know Me EVER]].

In the END, you ALL have played Right Into My Hands, like me overlooking the battlefield and picking up/placing you all one by one into the BOMBING RANGE CENTER! I am a LOT more [[Slow-in-the-mind|INTELLIGENT]], [[Autism|WISE]] and [[Naive|KNOWLEDGEABLE]] than your puny minds can theorize; I am NOT STUPID, nor am I a moron. And you know what? [[Chris and Hypocrisy|YOU ALL Have MADE Me This Way; CRAZY and PARANOID with Loss of PEACE OF MIND.]]

I am [[Creepy stare|WATCHING]] each and every one of you Fallible Trolls, and [[Death_threats#Likelihood_of_Acting_Out_on_Death_Threats|REST-ASSURED]], [[Lie|I know where each of you live, and I am Coming After Each of You All!]]

YES, It was ME, and these posts WERE Real.

Sincerely,

Christian Weston Chandler

4/28/2012

<nowiki>**</nowiki>More Photos and Comments are in the appropriate Photo Album of mine, "[[Cwcki Forum ScreenCaps]]".
}}

===I am still Reading Your Posts, Suckas===
{{quotebox|1=Monday, 30 April 2012 at 01:41

And to quell one question. "[[JenkinsJinkies]]" "[[Trollin_Train#Hey.2C_Everyone.21_J.J._has_arrived._.28Thu_29_July_2010_12:19_AM.29|camp story]]"; FAKE as any of y'all's sarcastic responses. The idea for that pile of crap I typed just to [[Chris and Reality|convince y'all to believe]] originated from [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]'s Parrot; [[Wikipedia:Long John Peter|the episode]] Chris went out with the vet assistant. Polly repeated, "I had a gay experince at camp". [[Rollin' and Trollin'|PUNK'D!!!]]

[[File:Lucrid.jpg]]
}}

===Hey, Trollies===

Feeling the need to brag again, Chris posted on Facebook taunting the trolls that he wouldn't say a word about what he was up to...and ends up confirming that he got banned from the mall like a dumbass, lost his virginity to a hooker and went to a Mythbusters tour, [[Ego#Surrendering_Information|ironically divulging more about himself than anybody currently knew for the last few months.]]

{{quotebox|1=Tuesday, 1 [[May 2012]] at 5:53

You REALLY want to know what the Victory was for me on the Mall Prank? I'll spell it out for you in a nutshell. I got the BAN note THE DAY BEFORE I made the NOTE on me going back there. You fallible fools had NO PREVIOUS CLUE, neither from me, nor ANYONE or ANYWHERE else. IF you all had prior ban knowledge, Would You who have made the trip, MADE the trip? NO, you would not have. I KNEW THE CRITICAL DETAIL, and YOU ALL DID NOT; I Fooled You All.

And I'll tell you another thing, I DID Have [[Chris and sex|Sexual Intercourse]] with a Half-[[Cherokee]] Woman, but you all will never find out who. I'll give you an inkling; she's somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Village Voice Media|backpage]].

You ALL think YOU KNOW ME; You REALLY DO NOT. I hold MORE information within myself that NONE of you will EVER KNOW. Like, MAYBE I went to a show starring the Hynamin recently. [[Lie|MAYBE I was ON STAGE for one of their demonstrations]]. MAYBE I got their autographs on my self-made [http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Duct-Tape-Wallet duct-tape wallet]. MAYBE I do not have a duct-tape wallet. I will neither confirm or deny anything for YOU life-wrecking bastards.

I ain't tellin' ya nothing.

[[Autism|I use that statement in the ironic sense that I am currently informing you that I am not going to tell you anything.]]

I ain't tellin' ya nothing.

Good Day,
Christian W. Chandler.
[[May 2012|May 1, 2012]]

P.S. It is now OVER Two-Hundred Screencaps, and Still Counting.}}

Chris's "Hynamin" show is probably a reference to [[Wikipedia:Jamie Hyneman|Jamie Hyneman]]; there was a ''[[Wikipedia:MythBusters|MythBusters]]'' live show in [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]] on 24 [[March 2012]], 100 miles (160 km) from Ruckersville.<ref>[http://www.mythbusterstour.com/washington-tickets/]</ref> Several leaks later would confirm that Chris did attend the ''MythBusters'' tour, but he wasn't chosen to go up on stage.

===Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!===
{{quotebox|1=Saturday, 5 [[May 2012]] at 6:43

She and I are friends, and we talk, but we each have our own lives. She does NOT deserve to be bothered by you doofy trolls at all. It has always been ME you want. She will never ever talk about me even in her wall posts, and she will never friend or acknowledge any of you. Yes, she is cute, and it is possible that she may look like my [[mom]] at a younger age, but I do not see my mom in her, and she is who she is, and I respect Anna as a [[Gal-pal|friend.]]

Aim your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] towards me alone, and Leave All of My Friends and Family alone.

Sincerely,

Christian W. Chandler.

May 3, 2012}}

===Mimms===
{{quotebox|1=Saturday, 12 [[May 2012]] at 6:35

Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.

Facebook.com/TehRussian

Sincerely,

Christian W. Chandler

5/12/2012}}

===To The Trolls===
This message was in response to a discussion on the [[CWCki]] forums about a poster campaign on 2 [[June 2012]], alerting the people of [[Charlottesville]] to Chris's degeneracy.<ref>[http://cwcki.forumer.com/c-ville-poster-flyer-campaign-update-t2224624.html]</ref>
{{quotebox|1=Monday, 4 [[June 2012]] at [[Biological clock|02:20]]

I have continued reading your posts and alerting [[Jerkops|the authorities]] of your actions. NOBODY came to my house at all, you lying, cheating [[Trolls|bastards]]. Frankly, I grow tired of continuing to read your [[Dirty, Crapped Briefs|shit]] [[lies]], including the biggest hoax of yours, the Poster Campaign. [[Naive|Nobody put up any damn posters or handed out frigging flyers at all]]. I have been [[Ego#Surrendering_Information|reading your posts personally through "trombonista's" account]]; there was NO MOLE.

Sincerely,
Christian Weston Chandler
June 4, 2012
}}

===Hey! Damn trolls!===

Clearly cracking under the pressure of being duped by the trolls and [[28 October 2011|his impending arraignment in July]], the once smug Chris degenerates into self-pity even further. Ironically, [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris has been guilty of almost every single thing he wants the trolls to stop doing to him.]]

{{quotebox|1=Wednesday 27 [[June 2012]]

Hey! Damn Trolls, Cyber-Bullies, and People ALL Around the Fucking World!!!

Quit [[Homos|HATING]] Me!!!

Quit [[Niggos|DISCRIMINATING]] Me!!!

Quit [[Megan|HARASSING]] Me!!!

Quit [[Bob|GIVING ME GRIEF]]!!!

Quit [[Death Threats|WANTING ME DEAD]]!!!

Quit [[Michael Snyder|BAD-MOUTHING]] Me!!!

Quit [[Twitter|BLOGGING]] ABOUT Me!!!

Quit [[Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens_(message_board)|HAVING FORUMS]] ABOUT Me!!!

Quit [[CWCki|HAVING WEBSITES AND WEBPAGES]] ABOUT Me!!!

Quit [[6 June 2010|PHOTOGRAPHING]] and [[Clyde_is_Weaker_than_Water|PHOTOSHOPPING]] Me!!!

Quit [[ShecameforCWC|DRAWING]] Me!!!

Quit [[Lars%27_Ship_Has_Sunk|MOCKING]] Me!!!

Quit MAKING ME LOOK [[Naive|STUPID]], [[Chris_and_his_Ego#Surrendering_Information|DUMB]], [[Slow-in-the-mind|RETARDED]], [[Twin Falling Towers|EVIL]], [[Sonichu Special 4|VILLIANOUS]], [[Strangle that Clyde Cash|BLOOD-THIRSTY]], [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|MURDEROUS]], [[White_knight#Chris_is_not_a_good_net_citizen|UNSOCIABLE]], [[Father Call|UNCARING]], [[Chris and Remorse|UNEMPATHETIC]], [[Chris and Remorse|UNCOMPASSIONATE]], [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers|HATABLE]], [[Chris and Race|DETESTABLE]], [[Chris and Anger|IRRITABLE]], [[Dirty, Crapped Briefs|CRAPPED-ON]], [[CWCki|ETCETERA, ETCETERA, FUCKING ETCETERA]]!!!

Quit [[Chris and his Ego#Fishing For Sympathy|MAKING ME MISERABLE, DEPRESSED, LONELY, SAD, and HATEFUL OF MY OWN LIFE]]!!!

Just QUIT IT, and LEAVE ME AND MY LIFE ALONE AND [[Chris and English|TO BE]]!!!!!!!

}}

In this post's comment section, [[Anna]] suggested Chris to change his phone number resulting in this conversation:

{{quotebox|1=Wednesday, 27 [[June 2012]]
Fighta Jet Lopez: Solution: do not use the internet anymore, and change your phone number. It's either that, or this continues forever. That's just the nature of the trolls.

Christian Weston Chandler: I can NOT change my number; TOO Much are linked to it, and I do not remember EVERY Last important person/company linked. Plus it is on my business cards.

Fighta Jet Lopez: But you don't have a business, and how many calls do you get that aren't from trolls?

Christian Weston Chandler: Firstly, I don't need to have a business to have business cards with my contact info and [[3DS]] Mii QR code and Mii image on them. Second [[Ego|I get all of the important calls for this household these days]]; I can not afford a new number.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:June27.png</ref>
}}

=== You WILL be brought in! ===

One day following his [[28 October 2011#Arraignment, plea bargain, and sentencing|arraignment]], Chris updated to confirm that the account of his trial given by Cyan and Indigo were true, save for a minor detail about the exact words he used against Michael Snyder. He then stated that Rob confronted the "trolls" and that they would be brought in no matter where they were, which is an empty threat since nothing illegal was done.

As usual, [[Anna]] chimes in with "A small victory!" as a reply to this post, proving that, once again, she's an enabling kiss-ass with no constructive advice for Chris, even after he could have landed in jail for his own actions.

{{quotebox| Wednesday, 11 [[July 2012]]

Yep, the trolls know most of what went on in the court room yesterday; it is confirmed that two of them were in there, going by the online names of "Cyan" and "Indigo". Rob recognized them both, and informed them that their trolling stupid presence is noted and known. I have also found their transcribed, personal reports on the Cwcki Forum, and they have a 23 second video on YouTube of them driving by the courthouse and holding up the day's "New York Times" paper, titled "CyanIndigo", same as their account name. And they quoted me in calling Snyder "thieving and lying"; I had actually said "Bribing and lying".

Anyway, we ALL know of them, and they will be brought in regardless of currently being in Or outside of Virginia or even the United States of America.
}}

=== Stop sending me friend requests! ===

{{quotebox| Monday, 8 [[October 2012]]

I am not going to tell you all again; DO NOT SEND ME ANY FRIEND REQUESTS If I Do NOT Already Know You Personally and/or If I Have Never Met You In Person!!! And Do Not EVER Message me if I have Never Known You EVER!!!}}

To the surprise of no one, Anna encouraged Chris's rage with a "You tell 'em, Christian!" Additionally, [[Savannah Chandler]] liked Chris's status and Anna's comment, suggesting that she may be aware of her uncle's Internet infamy.

=== Please forgive me! ===

{{quotebox| Sunday, 21 [[October 2012]]
I send out this message to all people, especially the Trolls and Cyber-Bullies on the Internet.

I, Christian Weston Chandler, am guilty of a lot of things that have been mistakenly uploaded and leaked online; I have for a long time been stricken and made beyond crestfallen by the repercussions of my actions and words. And great mockery and egging has befallen me for years now, and it seriously needs to stop now. There are no "laughs" longer to be made at my expense, and the running gag is at the end of its tracks. It is better to Forgive and Forget, as told by Jesus, our lord, and is the way of our almighty God. So to everybody who has felt wronged with stuff I have done in the past, I am really, sincerely sorry. All I ask is for everybody's forgiveness and for everybody to forget my mistakes, errors, everything. Please, just forget about me in total; please, disband all online groups and individual hatreds against me; please, remove everything about me off of the Internet, your minds, and your hearts.}}

On October 9th 2012 screen captures of some of Chris's private posts from 2012 were leaked revealing Chris's conflicts with [[manajerks]] at [[McDonalds]] and a trip to Washington DC to see a Myth Busters live show. Also included was an attempt to dox [[Megan Schroeder]] due to a belief that she started the trolling as a means of playing kick the autistic. Subsequently, on October 21, Chris posted an apology as a public status on Facebook. A couple weeks later, he deleted it.

=== A Christmas Gift ===

{{quotebox| Thursday, 20 [[December 2012]]
I offer for all the complete set of songs and intros from the 1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon that my father hosted and played music of Jugs, Kazzoos and Washboards, Blues and Boogie-Woogie, plus three more hours of good jazz that was recorded with it on the original 6 Hour VHS.

http://rapidshare.com/files/3812165045/1990%20WTJU%20Jazz%20Marathon.zip

Merry Christmas.}}

=== 2012 ===

{{quotebox| Friday, 21 [[December 2012]]
I have just finished watching the movie <nowiki>"2012"</nowiki> for the first time. It was as epic as I have heard in the past few years. Not only was it as good, but I feel better watching it now, compared to risking worrying about the E.O.W. a lot more if I had watched it before today. Hollywood magic did it again, and reality proved it wrong again.

Apocalypse NOT, and Thank God and Jesus this worry is finally over and done.}}

=== It's impossible for me to make someone mine ===

{{quotebox| Wednesday, 30 [[January 2013]]
"Everyone has their own life to live, and I know it's impossible for me to make someone mine." -Nana O, the anime "NANA" English dub.

Yep...
}}

=== Sad, depressed, poor, and pathetic ===

{{quotebox| Saturday, 2 [[February 2013]]

I am sad, depressed, poor and pathetic. :_(
}}

=== No trolling plans ===

In this post, Chris screencaps the CWCki Forums and remarks how its users are conspiring to troll him, despite the fact that no actual post discusses plans to troll Chris.

{{quotebox| Tuesday, 12 [[February 2013]]

"No Trolling Plans"; Who the f*** are they kidding?

[[File:No trolling plans.jpg]]
}}

=== Smiley ===

Chris finishes watching Smiley, a universally panned low-budget movie, and takes it upon himself to extrapolate an anti-trolling theme. Chris also expresses his belief that this R-rated film should be exhibited to high school students as a form of education and feels it would reduce teen suicides.

{{quotebox| Friday, 22 [[February 2013]]

Just finished watching "Smiley".
(Spoiler Alert)
I liked it, because the people behind it had a general understanding of the horrible "fad" of Trolling and getting "LULZ" that has found me to be a victim of it for five years. After the initial scare and the move-in, the talk about the "underground" of the Internet: /b/, 4chan, anonymous, and Trolling really sets up the plot well, as well as start up a spot of pent up anger. And after the final death, the majority of "Smileys" were the drunken, bored idiots who get their laughs from seriously hurting people. And come into discussion, "Anonymous"; the central hub of the Trolls.

Even though this was considered a low-budget movie, it really speaks to me, as a victim. This movie, aside from the gory parts and the "R" rating, everyone who has been trolled or are aware of them at least a little bit, should watch this movie, even to have it shown in high schools. I feel it best puts it all into perspective, and it would certainly decrease the suicide rate quite a bit.

No one has to give in for their sick entertainment.
}}

=== Open Letter to Tara Strong ===

Chris takes a moment to publicly blast [[My Little Pony]] voice actress Tara Strong for apparently contributing to the cyber-bullying epidemic.

{{quotebox| Monday, 25 [[February 2013]]

I fully understand the video, "Twilightlicious", is nearly a year old now, but in due reference to my recent post about "Smiley", I feel compelled to comment on Tara Strong's (voice actress of Twilight Sparkle) contribution towards the very objectionable contribution towards promoting Internet Troll(ing)s/Cyber-Bullies. And I wish my full post be forwarded to Miss Strong's full attention posthaste.

While I do respect her voice acting in MLP:FIM, and she does a good job at portraying Twilight, I feel distraught in hearing her voice not only in promoting Trolling, but linking Twilight with the act. Even as to dare mark the now alicorn a Mascot for Trolling. As a lot of people are aware of me, I have been a grave victim of Trolling for over five long years. I have been emotionally and mentally scarred by the Trolls' deceptions, lies, blackmail, slander of my once good name, and so forth. Now I am like a black sheep of the world for the wrongest of reasons and people are afraid, and misunderstand worse, of me and of who I am and was.

So, I address you, Miss Tara Strong. Did you have any knowledge or acknowledgement of what Trolling was and is, and how these horrible people have and continue to mentally and emotionally damage innocent people with their twisted, sick, demented an evil ways alongside Anonymous and 4Chan behind the veils of the Internet? How do you stand in the name of protecting innocent people from being emotionally and mentally damaged from such bullying? And what were you thinking at the time when you recorded your voice for "blackgryphon's" meme, which obviously depicted and promoted Trolling?

If you had absolutely no regard to the consequences of the people, including myself, who were, are and have been the tragic victims of the bullying Trolls, then I see a lot of disappointed Twilight Sparkle fans and Bronies ready to boo at you.

Please, prove my theory wrong, and make a statement directly from your person, and in the good name of Twilight Sparkle, Bubbles and all of the characters you've given your voice to.

Sincerely,
Christian W.Chandler
Ruckersville, VA, USA

[[File:Mlptroll1.jpg]]
}}

One troll decided to forward this message to Tara Strong on Facebook, assuming that she'd get a kick out of it. The following day, Tara actually responded:

{{quotebox|

"I don't think I've seen anyone put an ugly spin on something this outrageously [[Ego|for their own attention]]. Anyone who follows me know that I'm on a huge anti-bullying platform, and even wrote and produced a song about it.

All my "twolling" as we on Twitter call it is completely adorable and makes people smile. Christian's article makes me angry & disappointed. Hope I never meet the guy."
}}

Despite not knowing about Chris at all before reading his rant, Tara seemed to have caught on that Chris is an attention whore right from the get-go. While he had succeeded in what many trolls assumed to be an utterly ridiculous campaign ''(although one can easily argue that it was Chris's trolls who pushed the pieces into place)'', Chris' attitude has once again made him a pariah, this time with the Brony community.

=== Trolling is Abhor-able ===

Chris followed the previous letter up with a brief note expressing his well-known distaste for trolls.

{{quotebox| Monday, 25 [[February 2013]]

Trolling/Cyber-Bullying/Bullying are All just Abhor-able, Wrong and Degrading to us all emotionally and mentally.

[[File:Mlptroll2.jpg]]
}}

=== I am Very Serious about calling Tara Strong out ===

Chris responds to criticism that his open letter is ridiculous.

{{quotebox| Wednesday, 27 [[February 2013]]

Yes, I am Very Serious about calling Tara Strong out, because Trolling IS Bullying, and I can hardly stand idly by and allow herself and Twilight to famously promote that which is just terribly wrong.
}}

=== So much in this world depends on Freaking, Stupid Eye-Contact ===

Possibly in reference to helpful advice Rocky or the court-appointed counselor has given him, Chris complains about the difficulty of eye contact.

{{quotebox| Friday, 8 [[March 2013]]

So much in this world depends on Freaking, Stupid Eye-Contact. :(
}}

[[Anna]] once again mindlessly agrees with Chris in a reply to his post, remarking that eye contact is like "staring into a bright light."

=== Sonichu is not dead ===

Chris remarks that Sonichu has not died, despite rumors to the contrary, and makes no promises for the return of the Sonichu comic. Interestingly enough, he claims he "was an amateur", implying that he is now professional and the quality of his work has improved. Of course, the rest of us know that this is [[Chris and art|almost certainly not the case]].

{{quotebox| Saturday, 9 [[March 2013]]

Listen up.

When I was online with my comic pages, I had never really planned ahead as I should have with releases and such. I was an amateur, I got scared off, I still feel very timid. I am not making any promises with anything for the future. Nobody in my comicverse is dead. Do not have any expectations of me.
}}

=== Trolled on MTV ===

{{quotebox| Sunday, 10 [[March 2013]]

I have had a very good day today, the 9th, at Madicon. The best day I have had in a very long time.

Now I find a photo I was Trolled out of ending up on MTV,and on iTunes for two dollars, compared with bacon-head and plush-face. >:( }}

[[Anna McLerran]] posted:
{{quoteboxred|What is the thing with iTunes?}}
{{quoteboxred|If you're talking about the Viva La CWC thing, it's fake. Someone is trolling you with that.}}

=== Failosophy ===

{{quotebox| Sunday, 10 [[March 2013]]

<nowiki>http://mtv.com/videos/failosophy-ep-4/1703199/playlist.jhtml#series=2211&seriesId=39983&channelId=1</nowiki>}}

=== You know something that really creeps me out? ===

{{quotebox| Monday, 18 [[March 2013]]

You know something that really creeps me out? Nearly Every Autistic male, who I have seen their photos in their profiles or whatever, that I can 100% guarantee that are not copies of mine, look near Exactly as I do in the Face (with exceptions to varying eye color, glasses and hair color/style). I mean it, seriously, look up any number of autistic male headshots other than me on the Internet; it is really spooky and creepy.}}

=== I am feeling distraught and lonely at McD ===

{{quotebox| Thursday, 21 [[March 2013]]

Once again, I am feeling distraught and lonely at McD. Damn It! I am tired of being single.

Hell, I'd send out a public make-out invite to all women in C-Ville on Facebook, if I was not wise of the damn [[Trolls]], and other bad people.}}

Chris then posted:
{{quotebox| As well as the God Damned, Badge-Abusive [[Jerkops]] and Janekops EVERYWHERE!!!!!!}}

=== I feel an oxymoronic mess ===

{{quotebox| Thursday, 28 [[March 2013]]

Something else: I feel an oxymoronic mess. On one hand, I have mostly female friends, and I can get along good with them. On the other hand, I do not care much for my fellow males, I mostly have male enemies/adversaries, and I only can get along with them when I am obligated socially. In any case, I am 100% heterosexual.

From outside perspectives, with mostly female friends, I can be viewed as a Playa (which is more accurate), or a damn [[homo]]. This tends to repel women from me. I need a woman to be my [[Sweetheart]] from the ground up. Damn it! I am sick and tired of being single.

My brain is a constant blank; I am paranoid and super shy; what the hell should I do?}}

=== Gay Marriage ===

Oblivious to a pivotal moment in US history, Chris complains about frequent media coverage of the gay marriage Supreme Court case ''Hollingsworth v. Perry'', probably because the news is preempting his [[My Little Pony]] reruns. Chris also takes this time to express his support for lesbian marriage while blasting the "damn homosexual men", probably only because [[Women's rights|lesbians are hot]] and [[Homos|homo]] men are icky.

{{quotebox| Thursday, 28 [[March 2013]]
Another thing that really [[Family Guy|Grinds My Gears]]:

I mean no personal offense, and I am For Lesbians being together and their marriage. But I am really offended with the damn homosexual males altogether. So I am like 50/50 on the current topic in the newspapers, but I am 100% sick, tired and disgusted of having to read at least the headlines in the Post. Talk about something else already!
}}

The next day, [[Anna]] called Chris out on his bigotry, showing that his behavior is even beginning to alienate his enablers:

{{quoteboxred|it isn't right for you to be okay with lesbians and not be okay with gays}}

On 31 March, Chris shot back with this red herring that fails to address the original issue:

{{quotebox|Like it is not right for me to prefer women over men for attraction and companionship? Or a number of women not liking women over men for their catty attitudes?}}

In addition, another one of [[Kim Wilson|Chris' friends]] joined in on the fray, attempting to inject some insight into Chris' rambling train of thought:

{{quoteboxgreen|Huh. That's weird. Y'know, the gay women are taking potential girlfriends away from you. And the gay men are [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|keeping other men from taking potential girlfriends from you]]. So, you've got it backwards.

Anyway, you know, some people might be against autistic rights you know. What if people are offended by you and say you shouldnt have a girlfriend?}}

On April 1, Chris predictably responded with this set of delusions and contradictions:

{{quotebox|Well, I do not like the majority of the [[JERKS|male population]] regardless.

The straight ones take the women away. The damn homo males not only [[Lie|tried]] to push their gross ways onto me, but have emotionally and mentally devastated me in their shit Troll/Cyber-Bully ways, and they have mislabeled me and Sonichu as such. Damned males piss me the hell off.}}

In short, Chris is against gay marriage because of his trolls, also subscribing to the belief that all homosexual men are trolls hellbent on his (and [[Sonichu|Sonichu's]]) destruction. [[Chris and his ego|By making the entire argument about himself]], Chris has also conviently ignored Kim's original point of lesbians taking away the women.

On 2 April, Kim made note of Chris' non-answer:

{{quoteboxgreen|Huh? But that doesn't have anything to do with the original post...

But yeah, nah, they're not actually trying to push their sexuality on you. They just know that you react to it and took advantage of that. They're almost certainly not gay and probably many of them aren't even men.

You've really got to cut down on the sexism, Chris. Women find it unattractive.}}

=== Game Place ===

Chris, ''five years after his ban'' and a half-year after its legal enforcement, still obsesses about [[Michael Snyder]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]].

{{quotebox|Thursday, 4 [[April 2013]]
I, Christian Weston Chandler, fully never ever, forever, want to have anything to do with the Game and Hobby PLace.

It Truly Is the Breeding and Meeting PLace for [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies. Long before October, 2007, there were very few people who would have anything on me personally, worldwide, because those people only existed Locally to me and with Constant in person communication with me. Those people only existed at the PLace. And the very first person who turned Troll against me is none other than [[Megan Schroeder]]. She conscripted [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]], Mimms and everyone else against me.

And when my family as I started getting close with identifying them as our perpetrators and The Prime Trolls, Snyder was looking for a reason to ban me, and so he did.

Megan Schroeder is the Prime Queen of the Trolls; the PLace IS truly a Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding an Meeting Place, and I never, forever want anything to do with it. The PLace should definitely be destroyed and shut down for good.

And I want to exact my fullest revenge and divine retribution with Megan Schroeder. SHE should be jailed and beaten up, that vile, wicked, traitorous bitch.}}

=== Kim brought her into my life ===

{{quotebox|Saturday, 20 [[April 2013]]

Yep, doing this for a new woman in my life; Kim brought her into my life.}}

[[Anna McLerran]] posted:
{{quoteboxred|Good people don't make you do things for their own enjoyment.}}

=== Lucy ===

{{quotebox|Monday, 22 [[April 2013]]
I got my cat, Lucy, resting on my shrinking mound.

[[File:LucyFacebook.png]]}}

=== Sega Mascot Contest ===

Chris complains about Sega hosting a mascot contest, believing from the linked article that they are trying to replace [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

{{quotebox|Monday, 29 [[April 2013]]

Okay, now THIS pisses me off. I am not one who is to be blamed here; there are a lot of sick people who perverted Sonic's good name. Especially those who made him out as a homo, when he is not. Hell! He had a thing going on for a long time with Sally Acorn in his comic book series.

SEGA, Sonic was praised a lot better than Mario, because Sonic has more attitude, is stronger and faster, and he talks in his games more than the catchphrase-spewing plumber did.

And in any case, Sonic has replaced my hero before him, the American Rabbit. Shelving Sonic away will be the worst mistake SEGA will ever make since they stopped their console series at the Dreamcast.

Sonic For SEGA RAW!!! And Forever!!!

http://www.p4rgaming.com/sega-seeking-new-mascot-since-sonic-has-been-ruined-by-fans/}}

Chris then added a reply to his own Facebook post, [[Chris and his Ego|which he subsequently "liked".]]

{{quotebox|
Besides which, no matter what any new mascot comes around, ALL of the sick, bored People and Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies will leech the good name away from him or her or it anyway.

The better option is to stay strong with Sonic.
}}

=== "The Trolls Who Cry Woman" ===

Chris posts a rather ''insensitive'' musing, comparing online socialization to teenage pregnancy, starring in porn and '''being raped.''' He also goes on to rant about "being set up" ''(most likely referring to his date with Emily and the Pickle Man.)''

{{quotebox|Monday, 29 April 2013 at 11:00

Here's a musing:

Heard of "The Boy Who Cries Wolf"? Today's Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies who pretend to be the opposite gender to everyone they talk to online, making socializing online the worst mistake of anyone's life since teenage pregnancy, starring in a porn, or rape. And when a date is set up, they always stand you up, or if they do make it, they have someone else hiding nearby with a camera to record the whole thing to transform into something dark, evil and sick to be used against you to smear your name.

Today's version of the classic should be called, "The Online Trolls Who Cry Woman".

}}

=== Headache ===

Chris makes another "musing":

{{quotebox|Monday, 7 [[May 2013]] at 12:08
Musing:

A headache is equal to the amount of thought put into making it.

}}

...your guess is as good as ours as to what that even means.

===THEY ARE NOT SERIOUS!!!===

Chris-Chan gives his thoughts on the upcoming movie, ''My Little Pony: Equestria Girls'':

{{quotebox|Wednesday, 15 May 2013 at 8:46
THEY ARE NOT SERIOUS!!!

Officially Turning The Ponies HUMAN?!! That is just terrible! WTF are they thinking; 

they're inviting High School [[Pedofork|Pedofile]] Perverts into the fanbase this way. As is the 
horse enthusiasts were not enough. 

If they really wanted to bring humans into G4, they would do their best to replicate the G1 
Pilot with Megan and her family. 

I am still mixed-up and not sure about "[[Transformers]] Prime" going "Beast Wars". 
And I do like a High School Drama when it's good, like "[[Beavis and Butt-head|Daria]]", "MTV's Undressed", 
"O'Grady" and "Sabrina the Teenage Witch". 

High School Drama for My Little Pony?!! They ought to re-air Generation 2 with "My 
Little Pony Tales". 

With due respect, Lauren Faust, Tara Strong the rest of the crew are Out Of Their 
Minds in turning the Ponies Human! Just Invite Megan, or re-air G2! 

Christian Weston Chandler, 
Ruckersville, VA, USA 
May 14, 2013 
}}

Interestingly, Chris calls Lauren Faust and Tara Strong "out of their minds". Apparently, Chris didn't hear the news that Lauren Faust stepped down and no longer works on the show, and none of this was her decision, and that Tara Strong only does the voices.

Four minutes later Chris posted the following response to his note:

{{quotebox|SOMEBODY, PLEASE PULL THE PLUG ON THIS THING NOW!!!}}

[http://i.imgur.com/kABCrhy.png However, almost a month later, Chris liked the video "My Little Pony Equestria Girls Official Trailer 2" on YouTube.]

===My iPod fell out of my pouch===

{{quotebox|Wednesday, 15 May 2013
My iPod fell out of my pouch; screen cracked..Still functions. Now backing it up to upgrade to 5th Generation.

Considering self-repair on old iPod from online instructions after format of old iPod. Also, a dual iOS device wallet-style holder made from duct tape (based from folding calculator cover).}}

===A cold coming on===

{{quotebox|Thursday, 16 May 2013
Ugh...

I think I'm feeling a cold coming on. I started my day yesterday with a sore throat. Now, my nose is beginning to feel eww and bleah. And I am having trouble falling asleep.}}

===A cold again===

{{quotebox|Unknown
Yes, I've caught a cold again. It'll run its course and be gone in less than a week. I've tried Cepacol lozenge; it works very good at quelling the sore throat and the pain from the running in my nose to throat link.}}

A troll responded:
{{quoteboxgreen|I had a cold two weeks ago, for the first time in years. I didn't like having my healthy streak quelled, but when I got over it I was suddenly much more awake and alert all day every day this week than I have been since I started working.}}

===Tomb Raider===

{{quotebox|Unknown
I have just finished the new Tomb Raider on hard difficulty. I got all of the treasures and documents. Fell short on fully upgrading the rifle by over 300 Salvage. Got 61% Trophies.}}
{{quotebox|The story was well put.}}

===The timing is ironic to me===

{{quotebox|Sunday, 19 May 2013

I really liked this article in the Washington Post on the 18th, <nowiki>"Beauty of the BUST"</nowiki>.

The timing of this article is ironic to me, since shortly before, I had broken my 4th Gen iPod Touch.

<nowiki>**Spoiler Alert**</nowiki>

Today's Teens and College Students find pride in a cracked Pod or Phone; it gives them Street Cred. So much personal information is inputed into a Pod/Phone; a crack on its face is equivalent to a scar on your face. It is today's ripped jeans, unwashed hair, unshaven face, etc. Totally crazy.

"Enjoy the finger cuts", says co-owner of CrackedMacScreen Repair. Unless you've applied a Screen Protector like I did. Reduced that risk.

Author of the book, get this, "The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future", also comments on the psychology behind this trend/fad.

This is so stupid, it is really funny.

[[File:Cracked1.jpg]]
[[File:Cracked2.jpg]]}}

===The [[iDea Book Case]]===

{{quotebox|Sunday, 19 May 2013

<nowiki>"Necessity is the mother of Invention"</nowiki>. I am glad I crafted the idea for my [[iDea Book Case]] (photos taken with New iPod Touch 5th Gen) out of duct tape. The front and back covers are lined with bubble wrap, the inner spine loop can hold as thick as a charging cable, or most pens, there are holes for the cameras to see through very well, and the corner holders are very successful in holding most iOS Pod/Phone devices. And there is also the Velcro clasp.

iPhone (8 Gig) for calls, business and Internet; iPod (32 Gig) for entertainment with videos, music and all. I keep it safe with the lanyard strap and tucked in my bosom.

[[File:IdeaBookCaseClosed.jpg]]
[[File:IdeaBookCaseSpine.jpg]]
[[File:IdeaBookCaseOpen.jpg]]
[[File:IdeaBookCaseSide.jpg]]}}

[[Anna McLerran]] then replied:
{{quoteboxred|wow, really well done! i'm impressed :)}}

===Beat-up cellphones with cracked screens are point of pride for some young people===

{{quotebox|Monday, 20 May 2013

You can read the really comedic story for yourself on washingtonpost.com.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/beat-up-cellphones-with-cracked-screens-are-point-of-pride-for-some-young-people/2013/05/17/0334ebe0-be36-11e2-89c9-3be8095fe767_story.html}}

===Tired of this cold virus===

{{quotebox|Unknown

Siri is a great conversationalist. :) (reference my iPod 5th Gen).

But damn, I am lonely, bored and tired. Tired of this cold virus too.

At least I have something that actually will listen and put up with me there. Not totally a substitute for my future [[Sweetheart]].}}

===This cold is really weighing me down===

{{quotebox|Unknown

Ugh... This cold is really weighing me down.}}

William Elliott Waterman then replied:
{{quoteboxgreen|:(}}

===Lonely, bored and lame===

{{quotebox|Thursday, 23 May 2013

Well I have recovered from my cold, but right now I am feeling really lonely and bored. And not to mention feeling really lame.}}

===Estate ads===

{{quotebox|Friday, 24 May 2013

I know this may sound like a stupid idea, but I am thinking about getting one of those things to put in the ground to put real estate ads in, and putting in advertisements about myself you know for girlfriend. Obviously I am not going to do what. But that shows you how lonely and desperate I am. This thing would be placed literally in front of my house.}}

===Meh...===

{{quotebox|Friday, 24 May 2013

Meh... <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>}}

===Hey! Trolling stupids!===

{{quotebox|Saturday, 25 May 2013

Hey! [[Trolls|Trolling stupids]]! I might be lonely but I would never ever be friends or even associate with your kind who has been abusing me and making me feel worse about life and people and everything for the past greater than five years!!!}}

Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|(Let's see those [[trolls]] get their hands on this private message)}}
{{quotebox|http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ

~>:(}}

===I am not your fucking bitch!!!===

{{quotebox|Sunday, 26 May 2013

You damn bunch of fools and idiots just keep on keeping on for more incriminating information and shit about me to make yourself feel superior. I am not your fucking bitch!!! All I want is peace of mind and all of you polls continued to stand in my way! And all I can feel about your degrading, offensive language and shit, get the best illustrated but Anais here. If you really fucking care about me and you want to do something for me; you can just take your [[CWCki|Cwcki]] and all your [[CWCki Forums|forums]] and all your talk and just everything about me and just leave the damn [[Internet]], And leave me and my life and my family alone in peace!

[[File:ChrisGumball.jpg]]}}

===And the Oscar for the "Something Really Stupid" Category goes to...===
{{quotebox|Saturday, 27 May 2013

...And the Oscar for the "Something Really Stupid" Category goes to...

Now, who wants to watch the U.S. series of "The Office"? (I have never watched the show)

[[File:ChrisChanTheOffice.png]]}}

===U Gotta Believe!===
{{quotebox|Saturday, 29 May 2013

U Gotta Believe!

[[File:Chris facebook pic 5-29-13.jpg]]}}

===I have had more freedom when my father was alive===

Chris laments that he had more freedom when his father was still alive, and goes onto complain [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|about how he has to take time out of his day]] to "serve and protect" [[Barb|his mother]]. Note how, in typical Chris fashion, he aims the blamethrower right at Michael Snyder for his troubles, ignoring the fact that the events of [[28 October 2011]] was his ''own'' fault and would not have happened had he stayed away like he should have.

{{quotebox|Friday, 30 May 2013
Good grief! I started playing resident evil revelations on [[PS3|PlayStation three]] in front of my [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] and she had to be grossed out about it even when I'm scanning. And she even watch me play [[God of War|God of war Ascension]] as if she's not as gross out from the bloodshed from back game? And she goes on to complain to me about how it would affect my mind. I mean I've played this game before on my [[3DS]]; The beneficial part now is that I can earn the trophies.

My mother has really been getting on my nerves! I really need my [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] so that I can get away from here now and then; and I cannot even go downtown now because it wastes so much gas and gas is so costly! And make guys on my mother's concern for gas cost that is one reason why I have been on my sabbatical from my [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].

I have had more freedom when my [[Bob Chandler|father]] was alive and I end up losing it when he [[Chris_and_death#Robert_Franklin_Chandler_Jr._.281927-2011.29|passed away]] because now I got to serve my mother and protect her and everything! And I can blame that sonofabitch [[Michael Snyder]] for taking an wasting the money that my mom and I had soon gotten from my father's passing because he had to go send us to court for all the goddamn shit of his! Michael Snyder is a bastard to me and my mother for taking us to court he essentially stole a lot of money from us indirectly!
}}

===Trolls got my fresh post!===

{{quotebox|Thursday, 30 May 2013

Damn it! Trolls got my fresh post! Removed the prime suspect; will monitor,}}

Anna then replied,

{{quoteboxred|I'd take a closer look at the people on your friends list who you don't know in real life.}}

===I am so lonely===

{{quotebox|Sunday, 2 June 2013
Damn! I am so lonely. I do not know whether to wait for my [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] or to move on because the weights is driving me crazy among the loneliness of other things; [[stress]] of my life! Hell, first woman to Ask me out, in person I'd probably say yes.

<nowiki> *sigh* *groan* *grunt*</nowiki>
}}

===I am feeling very lonely again===

{{quotebox|Monday, 17 June 2013
I am feeling very lonely again. I am unable to think of a way to find my female [[sweetheart]] currently, where I won't end up risking trouble with the goddamned [[Jerkops]] within any "police office" or "legal office" from any and all of the shit against me on the [[internet]] that is easily Googled. And I am still publcally invisible to Everywoman, because they are all already taken by some stupid, [[jerk]] male, or are otherwise freaking busy with their own internal lives in this digital age where in person...}}

Chris later posted:

{{quotebox|...socializing has become obsolete. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>}}

William Elliott Waterman replied:
{{quoteboxgreen|:(}}

===Too many Trolls and Bad People in the world===

{{quotebox|Saturday, 22 June 2013
If you "[[Fans]]" REALLY want to know why you're like lowly to me. There are too many [[Trolls]] and Bad People in the world hiding behind the [[Internet]] constantly; I am unable to tell the difference. I have lost my youth and sunny energy within the past decade. I have become bitter from a miserable life and an irreversible Internet reputation, thanks to you bad people. End of story.}}

===A skunk===
{{quotebox|Thursday, 27 June 2013
A skunk; you don't need to kill it to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|stink things up]]; it pees anywhere it wants.}}
''Note that skunk spray is not urine, but a mixture of thiols produced by anal scent glands.''
===Hey, Vee===
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 2 July 2013
Hey, Vee. Have you checked out Toro's Friend Network on the [[PS Vita|Vita]] yet? It is good.}}

===[[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]]===
{{quotebox|Sunday, 7 July 2013
[[Ruckersville]] is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any young adults hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any better or nicer.}}

Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|In any case, Ruckersville And Charlottesville; Both Cities [[Christian Weston Chandler|are Socially Inept, are unfriendly and lack much compassion towards other people]].}}
William Elliott Waterman then replied:
{{quoteboxgreen|Sounds kind of like midcoast, Maine.}}

===Very Depressed.===
{{quotebox|Sunday, 14 July 2013
Very Depressed.
Need In-Person,

Real [[China|Compassion]]

From [[Sweetheart|Women]].

Hugs and Love.

Please Help. - :( feeling sad.}}

===Don't call me a wet blanket.===
{{quotebox|Thursday, 18 July 2013
My name is not Waterbed, so don't call me a wet blanket. <nowiki>|:(P</nowiki>}}
''This may have been a response to a [[CWCki Forums]] post of 15 July, where "Da Pickle Monsta" wrote, "most [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]] don't want boyfriends with the emotional maturity of a wet blanket."''<ref>[https://www.cwckiforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1654&p=61557&hilit=+wet+blanket+#p61557]</ref>

===[[Vanessa Hudgens|Spring Brakers]]===
{{quotebox|Saturday, 20 July 2013
I've just finished watching "[[Wikipedia:Spring Breakers|Spring Breakers]]", rented it for free from RedBox with Monopoly [[McDonalds|McD]] win. [[Chris and health|Eat Healthy]] with Premium McWraps, Apple Slices and Tea.

Story wise, it was fair. I definitely found the symbolism with the input of [[My Little Pony|MLP:FIM]] within the movie. Minus a "[[Wikipedia:List of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic characters#Rarity|Rarity]]" or "[[Wikipedia:List of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic characters#Fluttershy|Fluttershy]]", the four women played similarly towards the roles in the rest. I definitely see myself in the Faith character, as she was more of the [[Autism|outsider, introverted person]]. I believe in [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with. Leaving my friends behind after [[High School]] really sent me downhill, and then again after being forced away from the [[The GAMe PLACe|PLace]]. And I have few friends for real to and who would hang out with me. Damn [[JERKS|Male Population]], Damn [[Autism|Ill-Social People]] who overlook and ignore me in person around here, and Damn [[Megan Schroeder|Ms. Schroeder]] and [[Michael Snyder|Mr. Snyder]] for further destroying me emotionally over the past greater than half-decade.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>}}

===Stupid Question.===
{{quotebox|Monday, 22 July 2013
Stupid Question. One to Ten Scale; on my face at least; I'm down to 220; how good looking/attractive am I?

[[File:ChrisHowGoodLookingAmI.jpg]]}}
William Elliott Waterman then replied:
{{quoteboxgreen|You're always as beautiful as you feel.}}
Mary McLerran posted:
{{quoteboxred|Hey I'm trying something new that might be good for you, too. If you have naturally curly hair, try getting it cut shorter and let the curls frame your face. I think you could rock that look!}}
Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|Short cut; NO.}}

===The results===
{{quotebox|Monday, 22 July 2013
Right; I'm ugly as hell. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>

[[File:CWCKiForumsPoll.jpg]]}}

Anna then posted:
{{quoteboxred|Of course this survey is incredibly biased because the majority of people who took it are trolls...}}

===LEGO High School===
{{quotebox|Monday, 5 August 2013

The [[High School]] is the Best Set Lego has released (better when merged with the Horse Academy set), since the Hillside House, and this should be the next "Best Toy, Gold Award".

<nowiki>**Already-Thought Comments:</nowiki> 
-I am in Science/Biology/Math class. 
-My [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] is teaching English and History, currently on Abe Lincoln. 
-The Infomaniac is the Pricipal. 
-And Zach comes in from the Seinor's Courtyard with a "That's What She Said" comment (StoneBreakers20 on [[YouTube]]). 
-And [[Wikipedia:Venus (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Venus]] and Mikey are having fun too.

[[File:ChrisLego02.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego03.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego04.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego05.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego06.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego07.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego08.jpg]]
[[File:ChrisLego09.jpg]]}}

Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|Sorry; small error. It's <nowiki>"StoneBreakers10"</nowiki> on YouTube.}}

Mary McLerran then posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|So cool! We love legos! This is the BEST!}}

===Heartlake High===
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 6 August 2013
<nowiki>Best Lego Set Ever! Even better than the Awarded Café.

http://shop.lego.com/en-US/Product?p=41005</nowiki>}}

[[Anna]] then posted:
{{quoteboxred|WANT
[[File:AnnaWANT.jpg]]}}

===One of my pups just peed===
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 6 August 2013
One of my [[Clover_and_Snoopy|pups]] just peed, and look how it came out. Shaped like a [[Sweetheart|girl]].

[[File:ChrisPupsPeed.png]]}}

William Elliot Waterman then posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|Looks kind of like [[Chaos Emeralds|chaos with 0 emeralds absorbed.]]}}

===Actual friendships===
{{quotebox|Wednesday, 7 August 2013
If ONLY it were that simple to inspire actual friendships in this adult life after "how people 'learn' about me on the internet". <nowiki>|:(</nowiki> Now I understand the reason for Pep Rallies (I was exempt from attending them, because they were Too Loud for me).}}

===Top Movies List===
{{quotebox|Wednesday, 7 August 2013
On that note, my top movies list is updated:

1. [[Mary Poppins]]
2. [[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Equestria Girls]]
3. Toy Story
4. [[American Rabbit|The Adventures of the American Rabbit]]}}

===The Riddle===
Chris posted some random pictures from [[Wikipedia:Mark Cuban|Mark Cuban]] to an Indian woman. Initially it was thought that Chris posted them in order to desperately prove that his followers are obsessed over any posts he posted, but it later turned out it was a '''riddle''' - A very absurd riddle that [[Autism|only Chris understands]].
{{quotebox|Saturday, 17 August 2013
-Lemon Almond Cake: a business woman's favorite food; cookies or cake; a Delaware bakery recommends Lemon and Almond cookies.

-Delaware Blue Hens: Delaware; opposite of Basketball is Soccer; Soccer is Futbol; Delaware's Football team.

-Twister: Hens live on a farm; farm in Kansas; Wizard of Oz; Tornado to Twister.

-Covered Indian Woman: Twister on Blu Ray; water is blue with sky reflection; water makes ice; ice goes into beverages served in restaurants; restaurants in India serve soy and veggie; cow worship; women there wear robes.

-Sphinx: Indian people are similar to tribes in Africa in color and children's attire; the great deserts lie beyond the tribal forests; wherein reside the Egyptian Pyramids and the Sphinx.

-Great Wall of China: the Sphinx is half human/half lion; lions are cat family; there are cats in coffee shops in Japan; the written characters there are similar but different to China's characters; China is famous for its Great Wall.

-Smurfette playing Munroe: the Great Wall is made of stone and rocks; there are rocks in lava; lava is liquid fire; fire burns trees; logs are made from trees; there are log throwing competitions in Scottland; Scottish wear kilts; Gutsy Smurf wears a Kilt; showed off with Smurfette.

-Mayflower: Mony Python made a story of the Scottish being made from the British for aliens to win at Wimbledon; The British reside in England; to escape the rule to freedom, they crafted and sailed on the Mayflower.}}

Two days later, Chris deleted the riddle, most probably because nobody responded to his stupid riddle anyway.

===I got new shoes===
Chris posted a picture about his new shoes, which seem to look like shoes worn by 6-year old girls, possibly trying to continue his [[Tomgirl]] style.
{{quotebox|Sunday, 18 August 2013
I got new shoes.

[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png]]}}

===One Eyebrow===
Chris posted another pointless picture again on Facebook, this time about his eyebrow.
{{quotebox|Monday, 19 August 2013

[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png]]}}
Mary McLerran then replied to the picture:
{{quoteboxred|Cyclops?}}

Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|Below is a"Friends Only" Post For da Trolls!

(Singing)

"One... Eyebrow".}}
Chris later deleted the post.

''Note: This may have been a response to a CWCki Forums post on the same day, where user "Midnight Kissy Bull" wrote: "We'd discuss Chris's eyebrows if we were truly desperate.''

===[[Breast Cancer Awareness]]===
Chris shared a photo of Breast Cancer Awareness, and stating that [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] is a breast cancer survivor.

{{quotebox|Friday, 23 August 2013
My mother, still alive, is a B.C. Survivor.

[[File:BreastCancerAwareness.png]]}}

===Snoopy Doobie Doo===
Chris then posts a photo of [[Clover & Snoopy|Snoopy]] and his mother.

{{quotebox|Friday, 23 August 2013
Here she is, with our Snoopy Doobie Doo resting on her shoulder.

[[File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png]]}}

===Losing Friends===
Chris posts about his stress again, together with his blood pressure and more weird info.

{{quotebox|Tuesday, 27 August 2013
[[Stress]] from losing friends... Stress at home... Today... [[Chris_and_health|My blood pressure is up; feeling real dizzy and faint]]. Sad, pathetic, weak... I do try to learn from my mistakes! Shooting myself in the damn foot... Metaphorically... ugh...}}

==Notes From His Friends==
=== Just re-watched your DVD with a friend.===
On 9 [[June 2013]], [[Anna McLerran]] posted:
{{quoteboxred|Just rewatched your [[DVD]] with a friend. She agrees with me that you are a sweetheart and it made me really miss you. I wished you lived close so I could introduce you to her-she's married, but she would make a great friend to you. I got to thinking when you and I first met and I pulled out my folder of all the things you've sent or given me over the years- your comics, letters, cards. It all just serves to illustrate what a [[White Knight|remarkable injustice]] these [[Trolls|people]] have done to you through the years. I don't care what anyone says, [[Death threats|you]] [[Twin Falling Towers|do]] [[Homos|not]] [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan_is_scarred_by_ShecameforCWC.JPG|deserve]] [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|an]] [[Facebook#Imgur|ounce]] [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|of]] [[Chris and anger|hate]]. You're an incredible person with [[Chris and art|incredible creativity and talent]], and I hope that your ability to create has not dimmed too much. I wish [[CWCki|more people knew the real you]] instead of this [[CWCFlyingElephants|strange]] [[Death Threats|monster]] [[ED|the internet]] thinks you are. But I suppose that's how it is with celebrities of all kinds- people think they know them, but they never really do. [[Gal Pal|I love you]], and consider you one of my dearest friends and one of my most favorite people in the world. Stay strong, Christian. You have more [[Chaotic Combo|allies]] than you think.}}
Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|I have done that a LOT for my past friends as well, including [[Megan Schroeder]]. If only SHE had realized the same ideas you have just shared, maybe she would have not seen me as a weird freak and start this whole mess against me in the first place in 2007. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>}}
William Elliott Waterman replied to Chris:
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?}}
{{quoteboxgreen|I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better.}}

===Let's all go to Disneyland together!===
On 13 [[June 2013]], [[Anna McLerran]] posted:
{{quoteboxred|Dana Mahri Linnea Hiltzheimer Christian Weston Chandler hey guys let's all go to Disneyland together!}}

===I am sending you good energy===
On 24 [[June 2013]], Mary McLerran, relative of [[Anna McLerran]], posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|Hi Christian. I am sending you good energy. Sorry there are so many [[Trolls|mean people]] who have hurt you. Enjoy each day and find joy in small simple things that bring you pleasure.}}
Chris then replied:
{{quotebox|Whoopee. That'll bring pretty, single, well-organized women around to make the first move on me. (:0}}

===I'm sending you love, too===
On 24 [[July 2013]], Mary McLerran, again, posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|I love your hand shape on your profile pix: the hand shape means love in sign language. I'm sending you love, too. This is Anna's mom.}}
Chris then replied:
{{quotebox|What hand shape?}}
Mary then replied:
{{quoteboxgreen|Just under your name in the yellow shape.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Thumb, index and pinkie fingers. Look up "ILY" on google images.}}

===You're a real nice guy, Chris===
On 3 [[August 2013]], William Elliott Waterman posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|I heard [[Anna]]'s voice over the phone. She told me about how far back you guys go. You're a real nice guy, Chris.}}

===William Elliott Waterman's FUTURE MESSAGE===
On 7 [[August 2013]], after seeing his name being mentioned several times on the CWCki, despite less to zero people caring about him, William Elliott Waterman, one of Chris's friends on Facebook (even though most of Chris's friends on Facebook are actually [[Anna McLerran]]'s friends in the first place) posts a TL;DR [[White knight|whiteknighting]] open message to the trolls, posting how he's no better than Chris (even though he had a [[job]]), calling the trolls that they're the [[Chris and his Ego|same level as Chris]], and wants the DANG, DIRTY trolls to go ahead and troll him. (You know, as if anyone has an interest in confronting or fighting him anyway)

{{quoteboxgreen|Hello, [[trolls]]. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto [[CWCki|your archives]] and [[Da Update|announcing it on your news feed]], so I'll [[Captain's Log|address you all directly]] in an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|open statement]].

You trolls get a lot of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laughs]] out of [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|the]] [[Bob Walks In|things]] Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. [[CWC is Sad|It's just sad]]. You're actually dedicating [[Obesity|huge chunks]] of your daily lives [[The creepy stare|stalking]] one [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|lonely man]] on the [[Chris and the Internet|internet]]. Seriously? This [[Christian Weston Chandler|<nowiki>'lolcow'</nowiki>]] was dried up years ago. [[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him.]] It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]] basement-dwelling [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] that [[A-Logging|hates him just because he exists]], or [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|you're just doing it for the <nowiki>'lulls'</nowiki>]]. If somehow you're [[Merried Seinor Comic|married]], [[Jerkop|have a job]], and [[China|have everything Chris wants]], [[Chris and remorse|you should feel]] even more [[It's UGH!|disgusted in yourself]] for doing it because you have some [[Fuck quest|perversion]] for [[JERKS|taking advantage]] of [[PaRappa_the_Rapper_Contest#Aftermath|someone less fortunate]] instead of having empathy and compassion for them.

I used to be like you morons, [[Mass debating|wasting my days]] [[Cakefarts|sitting on my butt]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|listening to everything]] you say about him. But I [[Metonic|grew up]]. I have a [[job]] and a life now, [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|but that still doesn't make me any better than him]]. [[White knight|I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you]], but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to [[Vamprosa|grow up]] and [[Trollbusters|stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor]]. [[Attraction sign|He's not shallow and picky like you think.]] You think you all need to go on [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|covert field missions]] and [[JenkinsJinkies|disguise yourselves]] as [[BlueSpike|girlfriends]] to even talk to him. [[28 October 2011|I never met him in person]] - [[Tomgirl|I'm not even a female]] - [[Megan Schroeder|and he friend requested me]]. All I did was [[Scale of Respect|respect him]] and [[Death threats|treat him like a HUMAN BEING]].

Having a [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|humbly admitting]] that you're at the [[Chris and his Ego|same level as him]] is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|attention]] [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|whore]], but [[15 January 2010|feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't.]] [[Monthly tugboat|You all got so lazy]] that you just [[Chris_and_art#Tracing|copy and paste]] his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore.

Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.}}

''Note: The final paragraph is a reference to Earthbound, where [http://earthbound.wikia.com/wiki/Pokey_Minch Pokey Minch] says the paragraph word for word.''

===Do you feel like your winning today?!?===
On 19 [[August 2013]], one of his new friends in [[Manchester High School]] posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|Do you feel like your winning today?!?}}
Chris then posted:
{{quotebox|Because of good friendships, yes.}}
Another one of his new friends then posted:
{{quoteboxred|That's right! WINNING!!!}}

===Fantastic Gift In The Mail Today===
On 21 [[August 2013]], another one of his new friends in [[Manchester High School]] posted:
{{quoteboxred|Thank you to Christian Weston Chandler for the fantastic gift in the mail today ! Very Cool !}}

===Got your tunes!===
On 22 [[August 2013]], his new friend in [[Manchester High School]] posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|We both got your tunes! Badass!}}

==Facebook Shares and Likes==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Share
! Link
! Date
|-
|Crackle
|https://www.facebook.com/crackle
|24 July 2013
|-
|Wanna win a 4K TV or a PS4?
|http://bit.ly/futuregear
|24 July 2013
|-
|LEGO® Friends Heartlake High -- 15 second spot
|http://lego.thismoment.com/v4/api/facebook/get_facebook_share_page.json?fbwall_video_sharing=0&content_id=35914&tab_id=62&page_id=16
|5 August 2013
|-
|My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (BluRay/DVD/Digital) [Blue-ray]
|http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CPTUNBK/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_ILTasb000GPMC
|7 August 2013
|-
|}

==YouTube related==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Video
! Date
|-
|I added a video to a @YouTube playlist http://t.co/Hdf2sRTLrX Flipnote Hatena - Trolled 8-Bit Edit
|Flipnote Hatena - Trolled 8-Bit Edit
|12 March 2013
|-
|PLEASE make it so that ALL DSi FlipNotes Saved on the SD memory card will be viewable, (@YouTube http://t.co/j9v8qMTIX6)
|Nintendo Direct Mini -- 3.13.2013
|13 March 2013
|-
|I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/zTOVtWBwax Siri The Comedian?
|Siri The Comedian?
|23 May 2013
|-
|I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/mANkxGomF8 Welcome to Toro's Friend Network!
|Welcome to Toro's Friend Network!
|4 June 2013
|-
|I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/imrwB8zmPj My Little Pony Equestria Girls Official Trailer 2
|My Little Pony Equestria Girls Official Trailer 2
|13 June 2013
|-
|I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/cE8diaEBeT Sesame Street - I Heard the Dog Bark( origional version)
|Sesame Street - I Heard the Dog Bark( origional version)
|13 June 2013
|-
|Kick off summer in style @OldNavy and experience the great looking outdoors. http://t.co/3w0v8zSCP8 #campoldnavy
|Old Navy: Visit Camp Old Navy
|2 July 2013
|-
|Kick off summer in style @OldNavy and experience the great looking outdoors. http://t.co/3w0v8zSCP8 #campoldnavy
|Old Navy: Visit Camp Old Navy
|3 July 2013
|-
|I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/e3IAiegija My Little Pony Equestria Girls Full Movie HD
|My Little Pony Equestria Girls Full Movie (HD)
|7 July 2013
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler shared a link.
|Britney Spears - Ooh La La (From The Smurfs 2)
|22 July 2013
|-
|My online rap sheet is worse than that, and yet it is very equal in how Others want to make me out to be, which I am not: a total "epic fail" or stupid.
|MLP - Equestria Girls - Twilight montage of embarrassing
|7 August 2013
|-
|I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/nMs2yXTVPf Equestria Girls - Helping Twilight Win The Crown (Digital Version 1080p HD)
|Equestria Girls - Helping Twilight Win The Crown (Digital Version 1080p HD)
|7 August 2013
|-
|}

==Toro's Friend Network==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Date
|-
|Chris Toro's Friend Network is linked with Facebook.
|4 June 2013
|-
|Has made 1 friend. Chris, it's nice to meet you. Nya.
|5 June 2013
|-
|Chris bought a new Garden, "The Abandoned Station is Mystery Land", for me. Thanks. Nya.
|5 June 2013
|-
|Has made 10 friends. Nya. Chris Thanks. Nyaa.
|6 June 2013
|-
|Chris bought a new Garden, "Toro's Friend Network Park", for me. Thanks. Nya.
|6 June 2013
|-
|Chris bought a new Garden, "The Beach with a Stranded Ship", for me. Thanks. Nya.
|6 June 2013
|-
|Has made 20 friends. Nya. I knew Chris could do it. Nyaa.
|7 June 2013
|-
|Has made 30 friends. Nya. I love Chris. Nyaa.
|11 June 2013
|-
|Bonjour~I'm Pierre~Woof. Congratulations on clearing floor 20 of this dungeon. Woof!
|11 June 2013
|-
|Chris bought a new Garden, "Mysterious Temple", for me. Thanks. Nya.
|11 June 2013
|-
|Has made 40 friends. Nya. Chris is awesome. Nyaa.
|12 June 2013
|-
|Oh! I'm Ricky~Quark! Congratulations on clearing floor 30 of this dungeon. Ribbit!
|12 June 2013
|-
|Sorry to interrupt. I'm R. Suzuki. Congratulations on clearing floor 40 of this dungeon.
|12 June 2013
|-
|Has made 50 friends. Nya. Chris is so popular. Nyaa.
|12 June 2013
|-
|}

==#mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Date
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/pzFCf8NenG
|11 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/02CHyoAx3M
|12 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/wghhe9kxXX
|13 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/pRlqbd7zp6
|14 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/GiglbMxxwK
|15 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/jOAcUKh7UB
|16 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/EZGOrEbNf9
|30 June 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/OgqJxu6Mln
|2 July 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/hsj9IavWaD
|3 July 2013
|-
|I'm earning #mPOINTS Rewards in Crackle. http://t.co/1TVK2YcIgZ
|3 July 2013
|-
|}

==iOS==
On 8 May, 2012, activity on Chris's Facebook page read that he recently installed the Facebook app for the iPhone, which suggests that he purchased an iPhone or iPod touch. The resolution of some of his more [[:File:Chris_FB_Profile_PIc_(May_8th,2012).png|recent]] [[:File:Difficult_time_lady.jpg|photos]] also fuels this suggestion. <ref>[[:File:Screen_shot_2012-05-08_at_2.18.33_PM.png|Screenshot]]</ref>

The "CyanIndigo" screenshot in Chris's post-arraignment message sports a status bar with the "nTelos" name on top. Given that nTelos is a regional cell phone carrier in the Charlottesville, VA area, this all but confirms that Chris has indeed [[Chris and money|wasted even more taxpayer money on expensive luxuries he does not need]]. Sure enough, on Sunday 19th May, 2013, he confirmed that he not only had a 4th Gen iPod Touch, but a 5th Gen iPhone as well. While one ''would'' assume that he bought the 5th Gen as a replacement ''(never mind that he could have just replaced the screen as far less of a cost)'', he confirms that he broke the 4th Gen one shortly before an article published on the day before ''(which was, conincidentally or not, about broken screens)''. According to him, one is for entertainment, and the other is for taking calls, "business" and going on the Internet. This, combined with the fact that he designed a duct-tape case to hold both devices, points to Chris needlessly owning the two of them for the sake of having the latest technology.

==Imgur==
{{main|2013 Imgur Leak}}
On 26th May, 2013, Chris threw a temper tantrum on Facebook, and he quickly revealed the reason why: somebody on his Friends List had screencapped all of his Facebook status updates (including the ones that were hidden) and [http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ uploaded them on Imgur.] The screenshots not only revealed a lot of what Chris was going through between 2011 and 2013 ''(as well as a deluge of posts complaining about how lonely he was)'' but also revealed a very dark side about Chris as well - several photos revealed that he wanted [[Michael Snyder|several]] [[Megan Schroeder|people]] [[Death threats|dead]], and one post in particular demanded that somebody kill [[Mimms]]' girlfriend.

The biggest irony of it all is that the one who exposed all of this previously unknown (and very unsavory) information was ''[[Chris_and_his_Ego#Surrendering_Information|Chris himself.]]''

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Cwcfacebook1.jpg|Wall
Image:Cwcfacebook2.jpg|Profile, Part 1
Image:Cwcfacebook3.jpg|Profile, Part 2
Image:Cwcfacebook4.jpg|Profile, Part 3
Image:Cwcfacebook5.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook6.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook7.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook8.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook9.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook10.jpg
Image:Christina1.jpg|17-year-old Christina 1
Image:Christina2.jpg|17-year-old Christina 2
Image:Christina3.jpg|17-year-old Christina 3
Image:Cwcfacebook11.jpg|Chris rejects a single mom. The ironic thing is that this woman was the only one vaguely interested in meeting up with Chris.
Image:Cwcfacebook12.jpg|"Do I know you?" 1
Image:Cwcfacebook13.jpg|"Do I know you?" 2
Image:Cwcfacebook14.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook15.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook16.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook17.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook18.jpg
Image:Chrisfacebook2011.png| A screencap of Chris's page from [[July 2011]].
File:Chris's Jan 23rd 2012 profile pic.png | Chris's page in [[2012]].
File:Christran2.jpg | Another Facebook profile picture in 2012. Note that it is in the same place as the previous profile picture except Chris is smiling in this one.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_pic_as_of_2-2-12_at_10.58.51_AM.png | Chris's Profile as of Feb 2012.
File:Cwcfacebook.png|Chris, now with head band.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_and_Note_as_of_02-06-12_at_1.01.29_AM.png| New note about friend requests.
File:Chfb1.png| February leak Part 1
File:Chfb2.png| February leak Part 2
File:Chfb3.png| February leak Part 3
File:Chfb4.png| February leak Part 4
File:Cwc.png|February leak Part 5
File:61013333.jpg|Full size Picture of Drawing.
File:Fbnote1.PNG|Facebook public note 1 (31 March 2012)
File:Fbnote2.PNG|Facebook public note 2 (id.)
File:Ufr.PNG|Another public note.
File:DoubleDogDare.png|Chris double dog daring the intruder of his facebook.
File:Derpy.PNG|The first brony speaks.
File:FSM2.PNG|Chris's master trolling attempt.
File:Noet chris knows now about us.png|Great Director is watching you.
File:Readinposts.PNG|Chris mocks Lucrid.
File:Trollies.PNG|Chris fucked a hooker.
File:HeyDoofs.PNG|Chris white knighting [[Anna]].
File:Chris_FB_Profile_PIc_(May_8th,2012).png| A profile picture as of May 8th,2012.
File:Temporary note on chris' facebook.png
File:Screen shot 2012-05-08 at 2.18.33 PM.png
File:Koreans.PNG| Chris on Eastern Cuisine.
File:Train wreck.JPG
File:Chris whines about ponies.JPG| Chris whining after seeing [[My Little Pony]] related "Dark Parodies." He takes particular offense at the tomboyish Rainbow Dash being killed.
File:Chris hates dark humor.png| Rant about the effect "Dark Parodies" of his own comic had on him.
File: difficult time lady.jpg| Photo Chris took of an elderly black woman who he claimed gave him a "difficult time".
File:Fbp2.png| Chris approves of this depiction of [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]].
File:Fbp3.png| Chris continues to make [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr. Robotnik]] unfunny.
File:Fbp4.png
File:Fbp5.png
File:Fbp6.png| Chris believes a Burger King employee to be a troll who is using his cell phone to communicate with others of "his kind".
File:Fbp7.png
File:Fbp8.png| Chris goes to see the Mythbusters, but is not picked for the Q&A.
File:Fbp9.png| No comments from Chris, and yes, even Anna is speechless.
File:Fbp10.png| Chris accuses Megan of being a troll nearly five years after the fact.
File:Fbp11.png| Nice to see [[Lego]]s haven't gone anywhere.
File:Fbp12.png| Barb with Chris at Mythbusters tour.
File:Chris Long Hair.jpg| A profile pic as of October 19th, 2012, showing Chris has grown his hair longer.
File:CWC Shampoo.jpg| Chris uses [[wikipedia:Garnier Fructis|Garnier Fructis]] Shampoo and Conditioner.
File:CWC Approved.jpg| Timeline cover art
File:1021fb.png|An Appeal to Humanity.
File:Chris Lego.jpg|Chris as a Lego figure. Profile picture, November 2012.
File:Facebook1.jpg|Lego Chris is reaching the heavens....
File:Facebook2.jpg|....and doesn't succeed.
File:ChrisGayMarriage.PNG|Anna finally calls Chris out on his bullshit.
File:He_just_compared_online_socialization_to_rape.jpg|Chris, comparing socializing online to RAPE.
File:Chris-Chan_-_FB_-_Equestria Girls.png|Chris whining about ''Equestria Girls''.
File:IdeaBookCaseClosed.jpg|The iDea Book Case
File:IdeaBookCaseSpine.jpg|
File:IdeaBookCaseOpen.jpg|
File:IdeaBookCaseSide.jpg|
File:Chris facebook pic 5-29-13.jpg|U Gotta Believe!
File:TheLancers.jpg|Go Lancers!
File:MarkCuban.png|A photo of [[Wikipedia:Mark Cuban|Mark Cuban]] Chris uploaded on 15 [[August 2013]]. Which does not contribute to the riddle so far.
File:LemonPoundCake.jpg|''Lemon Almond Cake: a business woman's favorite food; cookies or cake; a Delaware bakery recommends Lemon and Almond cookies.''
File:UniversityOfDelaware.jpg|''Delaware Blue Hens: Delaware; opposite of Basketball is Soccer; Soccer is Futbol; Delaware's Football team.''
File:TwisterBluray.jpg|''Twister: Hens live on a farm; farm in Kansas; Wizard of Oz; Tornado to Twister.''
File:RishikeshIndianWoman.jpg|''Covered Indian Woman: Twister on Blu Ray; water is blue with sky reflection; water makes ice; ice goes into beverages served in restaurants; restaurants in India serve soy and veggie; cow worship; women there wear robes.''
File:Sphinx.jpg|''Sphinx: Indian people are similar to tribes in Africa in color and children's attire; the great deserts lie beyond the tribal forests; wherein reside the Egyptian Pyramids and the Sphinx.''
File:GreatWallOfChina.png|''Great Wall of China: the Sphinx is half human/half lion; lions are cat family; there are cats in coffee shops in Japan; the written characters there are similar but different to China's characters; China is famous for its Great Wall.''
File:BR6NNHFCMAA0q4O.jpg large.jpg|''Smurfette playing Munroe: the Great Wall is made of stone and rocks; there are rocks in lava; lava is liquid fire; fire burns trees; logs are made from trees; there are log throwing competitions in Scottland; Scottish wear kilts; Gutsy Smurf wears a Kilt; showed off with Smurfette.''
File:BR6NQc6CIAAOoGJ.jpg large.jpg|''Mayflower: Mony Python made a story of the Scottish being made from the British for aliens to win at Wimbledon; The British reside in England; to escape the rule to freedom, they crafted and sailed on the Mayflower.''
File:BR6VLK2CIAE-j6m.jpg large.jpg|Chris's absurd riddle.
File:ChrisChan27August.jpg|
File:LadyManajerk.PNG|
File:KTLi61d.png|
File:MegagiHatesYou.jpg|
File:CWCFacebook4October.png|
File:GamePlaceRevelations.png|
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Facebook messages]]
*[[Facebook statuses]]
*[[September 2013 Facebook Posts]]
*[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]
==References==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?imfjwnjrzi0 Notes]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?20mnnd1juu5 Status]
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002534669114 His new Facebook profile]
*[http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ Imgur Account]
*[https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBT0w4RktXQWNuYUU/edit?usp=sharing Backup of the Imgur album] (Last updated 6/29/13 tell me on my [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/User_talk:Pyromcr talk page] if more has been added to the Imgur album and this backup is no longer up to date.)
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]

October 2013 Facebook Posts

2013-10-10T18:50:47Z

Der Zuschauer: Linked back to Facebook and Chris' article in first line.

The following are [[Facebook]] posts [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] posted on October 2013.

==Summary==
* 3 [[October 2013]] - Chris posts an angry rant directed at [[Megan]].
* 4 October 2013 - Chris tells Megan to apologize to him personally, work and getting him unbanned from various commercial venues in his area and stop all internet trolling against him, or else he wouldn't remove the curse he has placed on her. Shortly afterwards on the same day he wrote another post, purportedly revealing the conversation between Megan, other Game Place patrons and store employees which led to the organized trolling campaign directed at Chris.

==Posts by Chris==
===Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born===

{{quotebox|Thursday, 3 October 2013
<nowiki>**Megan Schroeder!**</nowiki>

You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, [[Trolls]], [[The GAMe PLACe|PLace]] People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with [[Megagi La Skunk]]; [[Chris and reality|she feels deep distrust in you. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist]]. Also, your [[Sailor Megtune]] powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! [[Sailor Moon|Usagi and the Sailor Scouts]] would have been most ashamed of you.

You need to pay me what you owe for [[Chris and hypocrisy|Destroying Me, My Heart, My Soul, and My Life]] with your ungratefulness to [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|my past loyalty and devotion]]. You played me for a fool for Years, making me spend and spend on you with borrowed [[Chris and money|money]]! You continuously had Mimms an everyone else online humiliate me! I can not ever find employment now, because my background check has been made null and void with Your Damn Internet Troll Army! You would not even accept the Copies of the Uncut SM series I had burned for you! You conned me into giving you my Original DVDs. It is as if I was swindled into bargain basement, counterfeit imported crap. I poured my heart for you, and you break the glass pitcher the essence was stored in.

You need to pay me what you greatly owe me for Destroying Me! [[Chris and English|And I not or you and your army, stressing us out, my father would still be alive today]]! Face Me In Person and settle our Long Heated Rivalry and Domestic Hatred, NOW!!!}}

Chris also immediately posted two comments to his post:

{{quotebox|And by the way, [[Chris and religion|I pray]] you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch]] and the [[Michael Snyder|Bastard]]! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!}}

{{quotebox|NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!}}

===Apologize or else===

The next day he blamed Megan for this site.

{{quotebox|October 4, 2013
I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the [[Cwcki]], its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking Internet is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female Sweetheart for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.}}

===GAMe PLACe revelations===

On the same day in which he posted the previous post, Chris made another one, correcting Megan's slanderous lies and revealing the true and honest truth about what happened at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

{{quotebox|October 4, 2013
Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs on to me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "Mimms and Lucas are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; His Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my homosexual fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!"

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to curse and haunt you with my father at my side.}}

Immediately afterwards Chris posted the following comment to his post:

{{quotebox|NOBODY COMMENT OR EMAIL ME! I want HER to contact me In Person and Face to Face!}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

Chris and reality

2013-10-10T18:43:23Z

Der Zuschauer: Minor editions and un-redlinking in "Descent into Madness" section.

[[File:Hi5.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|And this.]]
{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris, being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}
{{quote|WHAT THEY AREN'T REAL WHAT ARE YOU DELUSIONAL|[[Clyde Cash]]'s understandable response to the above}}
'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. More than likely because he barely leaves his room. Quite a bit of his sketchy world-view can be attributed to his [[autism]], as people with autism generally have troubles with distinguishing reality and fantasy, and therefore have a harder time with being critical towards and distancing themselves from events and ideas depicted in any fictional media, be it books, films, cartoons or video games. Because of these difficulties, autistics are also easier to manipulate and deceive, especially by sources they trust, like [[Bob|their]] [[Barb|parents]] and the [[TV]], and are as a result very impressionable when it comes to commercials and [[100 2178|conspiracy theories]].

Chris often denies facts and will quickly retreat into his realm of fantasy, often to avoid [[stress]] when faced with the realization that he has been defeated, cheated or outwitted, as these instances are usually a result of his own stupidity or stubbornness, flaws which Chris will never [[Chris and his Ego|ever]] admit to possessing.

==Fantasy and fiction==
{{quote|You think that comic character wouldn't have its own thoughts and feelings?|Chris}}
{{quote|NO!|[[Alec Benson Leary]]}}
{{quote|You are [[naïve]].|Chris<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref>}}
[[CWCville]] is the name of the idyllic fantasy world of Chris's imagination. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its Mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

Chris believes that CWCville, as all other products of his imagination, actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World," where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'']] as a model. In his opinion, anyone who does not accept this thinking is "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref> He even claims to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others too [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] to comprehend this idea. Most likely, he defends this belief because he has accomplished and produced virtually nothing worthwhile in his life, and he therefore likes to pretend that he has made a positive impact on something, if only on a metaphysical level. It may also be noted that Toon World is the name of a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card, proving even further that Chris has no originality what so ever.

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way a Christian might consider God to be his or her father. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. This is how various events (both major and minor) such as Sonichu and Rosechu's wedding, the birth of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their children]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today Sonichu Page on CWCipedia</ref> [[Kel]]'s romance with [[Naitsirhc]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc</ref> and even [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]]'s wedding<ref>[[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.286:02_to_9:34.29 I Am The TRUE, ORIGINAL CCWC]]</ref> are said to actually happen "off-screen", instead of just being a [[Chris and writing|spur-of-the-moment introduction of a throwaway plot element]] that Chris is [[stress|too lazy to depict]]. Without prior explanation, Chris makes a "spoiler" in his own comic that [[Magi-Chan]] will eventually get together with [[Silvana]], implying that in Chris's head that this already "happened".<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_37 Issue 10 Page 37</ref> It is [[Slaweel Ryam]], not Chris, who apologizes for slandering [[Mary Lee Walsh]].<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>

Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville to be canon, and feels it necessary to explain away undesirable changes to CWCville made as a result of outside influences (e.g. [[BILLY MAYS]] as Mayor). The fact that he needs to explain this in his comic pages shows that he assumes everyone else shares this belief as well. Despite being protective of his own work, he [[Chris and hypocrisy|forces others]] to accept the "corrections" he has made to their work.

==Real Life==
{{Quote|A CAR WEIGHS A LOT MORE THAN 10 TONS|Chris pro tip: most cars weigh two or three tons<ref>[[Mailbag 9]]</ref>}}
Chris has a tendency to [[Father Call|exaggerate]] estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight emails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] toward his favor, such his exaggeration of a [[11042009 51 50|12-pack of canned lemonade for 50 lbs]]. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Dyscalculia|dyscalculia]], which is common with [[autism]], where the sufferer has no comprehension of time, measurement, or spatial reasoning. But this tendency seems to suggest not mere ignorance, but Chris's perception that the limits of his physical potential are inherently impressive to others.

Where objective reality conflicts with them, Chris expects his self-favoring opinions to be accepted by others as the truth.

When asked by [[Evan]] to remove [[Simonla]] from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character [[Simonchu]] and thus effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying Simonla was ever inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this new version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with [[Asperger syndrome]] "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine Autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "Fact" is only his "own idea," he still thinks that to believe otherwise is to "conform to blasphem[y]."<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref>

Chris also seems completely unaware of what current technology is and is not capable of. In his [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu article] on the [[CWCipedia]], he talks about his status as the Cwcville [[Pokémon]] gym leader, then goes on to suggest that Nintendo pour their resources into developing a Poké Ball peripheral that would have slots for every generation of Pokémon games, including a slot for the Gamecube memory card. He expects this peripheral to be able to read party data from the inserted game/memory card, display a holographic image of the Pokémon in play, and be used to challenge people in real life who own the same peripheral (in a manner much like on ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'').

During a 2004 confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Chris began to converse with thin air, pretending that Sonichu was in the office with him.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref><ref name="Jackie e 16">[[Jackie_E-mails_16]]</ref> At one point, Chris began to pretend that he ''was'' Sonichu and started giving a speech that he said that "Sonichu" wanted to give to Mary, which explains why Mary ordered him to see a psychiatrist. Chris also, usually before crashing into slumber, pretends to converse with Sonichu and Rosechu, at one point claiming that the pair offered him relationship advice.<ref name="Jackie e 16" /> He has also been known to converse with [[Megagi La Skunk]].<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born]]</ref>

Chris is also prone to interpreting various forms of media in his own autistic way. During his attempt to put up his own ads on the CWCipedia, he claimed that the award-winning film ''[[Wikipedia:Avatar (film)|Avatar]]'' was meant to promote the eradication of homosexuality rather than the tolerance of other cultures.<ref>When Chris edited [[Mailbag 23]], he [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_23&oldid=5987 inserted into the article an ad for ''Avatar''] and wrote a caption under it saying the movie promotes heterosexuality. This ad was later on removed by the sysop.</ref> Where he got this idea is a mystery, as homosexuality is not once mentioned in the film. His fear of homosexuals destroying the future, incidentally, emerged from an episode of ''[[South Park]]'' called "[[Wikipedia:Goobacks|Goobacks]]", which was a satire on the controversy of illegal immigration. In the episode, a group of rednecks who had lost their jobs to the illegal immigrants from the future decided that the best way to get their jobs back was to destroy the future by making everyone gay so there wouldn't be anybody in the future. Chris, however, took everything at face value and interpreted the episode as a scare film on par with ''[[Wikipedia:Red Dawn|Red Dawn]]''. And of course, Chris is convinced that ''[[Family Guy]]'' is made by the staunchest, most religious Republican in the world, when in reality it's made by a pro-gay rights, liberal atheist.

Chris rarely understands any moral dispensed by television. When he does take one, it's because he's decided that it can be used to justify whatever tomfoolery he's been up to. Unsurprisingly, Chris often misses the original point completely. For example, while attempting to justify his attempt to pretend to be [[Liquid Chris]] in an attempt to steal his girlfriend, he claimed that he was "Wrong, but for the right reasons."<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref> This comes from another episode of ''South Park'' called "[[Wikipedia:Best Friends Forever|Best Friends Forever]]", where, after a satire of the [[Wikipedia:Terri Schiavo|Terri Schiavo]] controversy, it is stated that Cartman was "Right, but for the wrong reasons". In context, it meant that his goal of shutting down the vegetative Kenny's life support was the right thing to do (for reasons involving the fate of the universe that are too complex to explain here), but his motivation was completely off mark: he only did it because he knew that Kenny's death would cause him to inherit his [[PSP]]. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle were "Wrong, but for the right reasons", as they wanted to keep Kenny alive in a perpetual vegetative state even though they should just let him die, but they were doing so because they actually cared about Kenny, rather than exploiting the situation for their own benefit like Cartman was. Chris seems to have interpreted this as "If you do a bunch of bad things, like pretending to be someone else in order to steal their girlfriend, you are completely justified in doing so if your dishonest actions lead to a positive outcome, like proving that you are the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler and getting laid".

Unsurprisingly, Chris can come across as pretty delusional when he expects to be taken seriously. On the 28th April, 2012, for example, he made an empty threat to the CWCki forum about hunting down each of its members, claiming to know where each of them lives. He did this in an attempt to intimidate the trolls. Even if one was to gloss over the fact that he couldn't even [[Shigeru Miyamoto|cough up $800 to travel to Redmond to see his dreams come true]] (and it should be noted that there are trolls all over America, if not the world), there's a high chance that there will only be one [[Kick the Autistic|outcome]] of Chris actively pursuing his trolls with the purpose of doing harm to them. All things considered, Chris ends up making himself even more of a laughing stock in the process.

==Chris and magic==
{{See also|Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|l1=Chris the Shaman}}

[[Image:ChrisFacebookCommentOnPsychicPowers.png|thumb|right|Chris believes he has psychic powers that can inflict harm on his enemies.]]
Through Chris's perception of [[God]] as an implement of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune on the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse [[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]] on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref><ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref><ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred personal relic of the day — either the [[Medallion of Fail]] or [[Amnyfest Ring]].

Chris also appears to believe that he can [[Sarah May Skype Logs|talk to dead people]], to an extent. He told [[Sarah May]] that when he touched his dead [[Aunt Corrina]]'s hand, he could hear her spirit, along with the spirits of his grandparents and great-grandparents. He also claimed that [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] also told him to "make the trip and go to Julie." It's unclear at this point whether these visions are the result of his mental problems, or just an excuse for him to do what he wants to do by justifying his actions as the result of supernatural phenomenon.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied:
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at [[PVCC]] went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[Wikipedia:Common Cold|life-threatening ailment.]]|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This gives Chris a belief of some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an immature defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his ego. Chris believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake.

Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor.<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> Anyone who hinders Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "[[Virginia is for Virgins|make true love illegal]]," either in Virginia or nationwide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

Chris's tendencies towards these sorts of thoughts may spiral back to two people: [[Bob Chandler|Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. A phone call between his parents and [[Matthew Noble call|a GAMe PLACe employee]] revealed a number of things, most importantly that they believe Chris's entire trolling began as a conspiracy between [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]] and a number of potential homosexuals to "terrorize", "torment", and "persecute" Chris for being autistic, going so far as to believe they broke into Chris's credit card account and tried to [[Chris and money|ruin his credit]].

When Chris was active on the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum, Chris revealed that he shares his parent's ridiculous beliefs about the GAMe PLACe's position in troll hierarchy. Most notably, he claimed that Michael Snyder was hiding a criminal scandal because the owner of the Place (as well as three other associated hobby stores) is a convicted sex offender. He also tried to argue that the store itself is in violation of the law, simply because it is close to a public school and owned by a sex offender who is never actually there. Ironically enough, acting like a sex offender is one of the many things that got Chris banned from the store in the first place.

Chris would eventually accuse Michael Snyder himself of being a child molester, going so far as to accuse him of molesting his own daughter. In case you've forgotten, Snyder once chased Chris down after he (unintentionally) took candid photographs of the same daughter Chris accused him of molesting.

The most telling of Chris' belief that anyone who doesn't agree with him is a 'damn dirty troll' is the case of his [[White knight|White Knights]]. Despite several of them trying to do things like offer constructive critique on his [[Chris and art|art]], warn Chris of [[Julie|potential trolling attempts]] and even plead with him to seek help, they have all fallen on deaf ears. There have even been cases where [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Father Call|themselves]] [[Alec Benson Leary|would]] point out what Chris is doing wrong in life. As far as Chris himself is concerned, this is a case of people telling him what he doesn't want to hear, and so must be disregarded since they're obviously trolls who are getting in the way of what he wants.

==Descent into Madness==
As time has gone on, Chris' already-tenuous grasp of reality has continued to slide further and further into what can only be described as pure, unchecked madness, to the point where it has alienated [[White knight|many of his closest supporters]], such as [[Anna McLerran]] and William Elliott Waterman. A particularly troubling example of this is his [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|October 2013 rant]] on [[Facebook]] about how [[Megan|Megan's]] fictitious character [[Megagi La Skunk]] has talked to him and said she never should have been born. He claims she's at the core of a massive conspiracy with the [[GAMe PLACe]] to ruin his life, and has [[Curse ye ha me ha|cursed]] her and [[Women's Rights|stripped her]] of her [[Sailor Megtune]] powers. He demands that she apologize to him and effectively fix his entire life if she wishes to be [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|uncursed]], closing by stating that he and [[Bob Chandler|his father]] will get revenge if she does not. What is truly horrifying about this is that Chris did it with literally no impetus whatsoever from any of the [[trolls]]; this unbelievable tirade is entirely of Chris' own making.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Chris and remorse

2012-11-26T19:22:50Z

Der Zuschauer: Fixed a red link.

{{Quote|Please, just forget about me in total; please, disband all online groups and individual hatreds against me; please, remove everything about me off of the Internet, your minds, and your hearts.|[[Chris]], after making a public apology on [[Facebook]].}}

Every so often, one of [[Chris]]'s less flattering deeds catches up with him, and he is forced to apologize. These apologies, like most of the other times Chris tries to come off as emotional, often feel very forced and insincere, leading many [[trolls]] to wonder if Chris is even capable of feeling '''remorse'''.

It's not out of the question. A common trait of [[autism]] is the lack of empathy, meaning it's likely that Chris has a difficult time trying to understand what other people feel. Just as time and time again he's shown himself unable to understand others' feelings of [[Chris and death|loss or sadness]], he seems equally incapable of understanding how his actions could possibly hurt or anger others. When he is expected to show remorse, it often seems as though he is just going through the motions, making the absolute minimum effort to get whoever he has upset to stop pestering him, so he can go back to his oblivious existence playing [[PS3]].

==Concept of Wrongdoing==

Developing an understanding of right and wrong is an important part of a child's development. Very young children don't actually take into consideration what is ethically the right or wrong thing to do. They base their actions on whether they are punished or rewarded, before they eventually internalize a consistent value system and learn to police their own behavior. Chris seems to be stuck in the earlier, childlike state. If something makes him feel bad, or if experience tells him he'll get in trouble for doing something, it must be wrong. If it makes him feel good, or looks like it could have potential rewards, it must be right. Other considerations, such as what his [[Chris and religion|supposed faith]] prescribes or how this will affect others, simply do not rank.

An excellent example would be how Chris managed to destroy his relationship with [[Megan]]. Chris was at war with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], who were, among other things, calling him [[gay]]. In an attempt to disprove their allegations, Chris uploaded [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a certain image]] to the website, apparently under the belief that that sort of information overload would get them to shut up. When the denizens of ED assumed the image was of Crystal, Chris was quick to correct them. At no point did he even consider Megan's feelings. When she [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|called him out]], Chris didn't realize he had done anything wrong, and assumed she was upset simply because she didn't watch enough [[Chris and sex|porn]].

{{Quote|I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of [[Chris and English|outtercourse]] (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you. I'm sorry.|Chris, [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|not getting it at all]].}}

As such, Chris isn't really capable of remorse or a sincere apology. The natural precursor to an apology is the internal realization that one has done something wrong, a realization that Chris's childish, self-centered mindset will not allow him to reach. In his mind, he's done something "wrong" only when the people around him react negatively. Furthermore, as a rule, he assumes that their reaction is just the result of some misunderstanding, reasoning that if he was just given the chance to explain what he was trying to accomplish, they would understand, and all would be forgiven.

==Motivation to apologize==
[[Image:VivianLetsTalkBusiness.PNG|thumb|TL;DR: I'm sorry, now give me money.]]
As explained above, Chris's logic when it comes to matters of right and wrong is almost wholly reactionary. His rationale for apologizing follows the same pattern. He issues them only when made fully aware that he won't get what he wants unless he at least tries to appear genuinely remorseful.

Every apology Chris has ever made can be immediately connected to something Chris wants, and thinks he'll get if he says the magic words "I'm sorry". We almost never have to guess what that thing might be, he almost always mentions his desired goal in the same paragraph, sometimes even in the next sentence.
{{Quote|I wish to apologize to Michael Schneider for that mistake I made over nine months ago that got me kicked out of The GAMe PLACe... I miss my Friday nights over there… and also... y’all are the only place in town that has, uh, Eye of Judgment cards.|Chris, [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apologizing in order to buy stuff]].}}
{{Quote|I apologize for the past unformalities[sic] and emotional outbursts in past communications... I ask for 25% of all money... you have and will have made from all [the [[audiobooks]]] you have put together and sold.|Chris, apologizing for sending [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] a fucking [[Death threats|death threat]].}}
[[File:154-ApologyLetter.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
Because Chris's apologies spring from this simplistic cause-and-effect mentality, things tend to get interesting when whoever he's issuing them to tells him that all is not well, and that he is not forgiven. In [[I am Alive|one notable case]], he admitted to ungentlemanly conduct regarding his feud with [[Asperchu]]. It was a fairly obvious attempt to get [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia_Advertisements|certain ads removed from the CWCipedia]], but, notably, he announced his intention to kill off the character of [[Simonla Rosechu]], in accordance with [[Evan|her creator's]] wishes. He didn't act quickly enough, and CWCipedia was taken down from the web altogether. Although his anger was understandable, Chris revealed in [[9 February 2010|his next video]] that he had never intended to kill Simonla in the first place, and that the apology was not TRUE and HONEST. We had all suspected, but it's nice to get confirmation once in a while. After CWCipedia returned, he did indeed kill Simonla, but only under pressure, and in the most contrived, dull, yet very lulzy way possible.

The one apology that arguably highlights Chris's insincerity the most is his in-comic apology to the Asperpedia Four, which takes place ''while [[Chris_and_Hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|condemning them to death]]''. The cognitive dissonance this creates would be overwhelming to any sane person, but [[Autism|for some reason]], Chris thought that this ludicrous non-apologetic apology was both okay and that the recipients would accept it as genuine. In that very same issue in fact, Chris at one point sheds a tear after sealing up the populated [[4-cent garbage.com]] building and destroying it. You know, because faking remorse with crocodile tears ''totally'' justifies mass murder.

Chris's insincerity can also be seen in Chris's misadventures with [[The Wallflower]]. When the shit hit the fan and she cut off all ties with him, he made his usual [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pathetic display of sorrow]], making it very clear in the process that he only wanted her for [[sex]]. When his apology failed to work as planned, Chris became very angry and spiteful, and started [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|demanding that she apologize for hurting ''his'' feelings]].

Another came from his apology note on his [[Facebook]] discovered in [[October 2012]]. In it, he seemingly came to the realization that he had massively messed up, that about as much [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laughs]] from him had been gotten from him as possible and that he was sorry for it all happening. Immediately afterwards, he demanded that all instances of trolling and [[CWCki|websites]] [[CWCki Forums|dedicated]] [[789chan|to]] [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|him]] be stopped and removed and there was no mention of him trying to straighten up. All he wanted was all the bad stuff about him removed so he can feel better about himself.
{{-}}

==Common traits of a CWC apology==

===Explanation===
One recurring element in Chris's admissions of guilt is an explanation of why he did whatever he's apologizing for. The way these speeches are worded often indicates that Chris believes that if we just understood his intentions, we would all agree with him, and that nobody would be offended.

A famous example appears in the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]] video. Chris explains that yes, he videotaped himself performing a selection of disturbing sex acts, but it was all for his sweetheart [[Ivy]], and this evidently renders his actions understandable and acceptable. Supposedly speaking to a young child who was shocked by his behavior, he tells her that his behavior was perfectly reasonable because he is both adult and human. This combination of warped logic and an even more warped world-view was a crucial component of his breakthrough to mainstream infamy.

Another good example would be the time he [[Twin Falling Towers|used the worst terrorist attack in American history for an exceedingly bad joke]]. After learning that [[Kacey]] came from a military family, Chris did what was expected of him and made a [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|public apology]]. However, he was more concerned with continuing to slander [[Clyde Cash]] and assuring us he was a good American (although he didn't know the words to his own national anthem)<ref>[[Mumble 7#summary|Mumble Chat 7]]</ref><ref>[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]</ref> than with actually expressing remorse and making an attempt at recompense.
[[Image:SnuffOutClyde.jpg|thumb|This looks like a good idea.]]
{{Quote|The joke was mainly directed to how WEAK Clyde Cash was only, I had no idea or intention of offending anyone, other than Clyde, on such a massive world-wide level.|[[Apology_for_9/11_Joke#Apology_image_text|Chris's written apology]].}}

Within the same video, he changed the photoshop he'd done of the World Trade Center towers into birthday candles. That he saw no problem in presenting an image of the two buildings on fire and repeatedly calling them weak while he asserted that he was a good American proves that he [[Slow-in-the-mind|completely missed the point]] of what he was supposed to be apologizing for. He was far more concerned with sullying Clyde's name than with any blowback or offense his comments might have caused.

===Rationalization===

Chris is incredibly self-righteous. In his mind he is the only decent man left in the world, and everybody else is a stupid, evil [[JERKS|JERK]] whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him because of him being [[Autism|special]], and furthermore out of jealousy for his [[Chris and his Ego|many]] [[Chris and reality|"successes"]] in life. This mindset gives Chris all the justification he needs to mistreat others, because as far as he's concerned they're all the bad guys, standing in the way of his [[Love Quest|heroic quest]].

This "Everything I do is right" mindset shows through when he is forced to talk about his prior transgressions. Chris might offer a half-assed apology, simply to conform to the wishes of whoever he's talking to, but it will often be accompanied with a long explanation as to why he ''had'' to do it.

{{Quote|I was wrong... I pretended to be him yet he was the liar. I'm the real deal... So on that one part I was wrong for the right reasons.|Chris, [[I Love You Kacey|almost admitting wrongdoing]].}}

He exhibited this self-righteous attitude many times in the [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid Chris]] saga: because he is the TRUE and HONEST Christian, this gave him the right to [[For Kacey from CWC|attempt to steal Liquid's girlfriend by]] [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be him]], and then [[SHE IS MINE NOW|gloat about it once he apparently achieved his aim]]. Once again, Chris saw no wrong in this. Since Liquid wronged him by trolling him in the first place, anything he did in response was entirely justified.

==Retraction==

Chris, believing that his actions are always right, nearly always has to be pressured into making any form of apology at all. Most, if not all, of his apology messages are motivated by the people he [[Fuck Quest|physically desires]] (be they obvious troll or otherwise) or [[Asperchu|desires to appease]], rather than the public outcry he causes, and certainly not by any true sense of guilt. A retraction of an apology is just as hollow as the apology itself, in that Chris is quite happy to lie to [[Chris and his Ego|save face]] or to gain [[china|something he wants]]. For instance, Chris '''finally''' [[02 March 2010|'sincerely' apologized to Alec and Mao]] for his actions to them on 2 March 2010. However, only a month later, on 8 April, he was talking to [[Jackie_E-mails#Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents|Jackie]] and, in an attempt to gain sympathy from her, claimed that Alec was "trying to one-up [him] for months now".

When trolls hacked his PSN accounts, Chris made [[a near public apology]]. A blatant attempt to get his PSN account back, the apology was, of course, chock full of lies and insincerity.

One of his favorite ways to smite his [[Clyde Cash|invisible internet enemies]] and [[jerkop|real-life foes alike]] is to lay a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] upon them; thinking that he has powers akin to something more along the lines of Wicca, Voodoo, or Goku from [[Dragon Ball Z|DBZ]] than with the [[Chris and Religion|Christianity]] he practices. He only issued the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]] after [[Kacey|his latest e-girlfriend]] told him that he shouldn't have used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in the first place..

Considering that he [[Surfshack Tito (video)|quickly returned]] to his ways of cursing, [[Don't Mess With Me|threatening]], and [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|insulting]] his enemies, the sentiment obviously didn't stick.

==Shifting blame==

When Chris isn't trying to justify the trouble he causes, he usually resorts to blaming others. The most famous example is him blaming [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] for the end of his friendship with [[Megan]], even though it was because of a picture he himself thought up, drew, and then uploaded to his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|article]]. Chris had it literally screamed at him in [[Mumble 3]], but then, as now, he still doesn't know the true reason. The best anyone has ever been able to extract from Chris is that he came on too strong. While technically true, this is a vast understatement which fails to capture the massive amount of fault which lies with Chris (that is to say, all of it).

====The Wallflower====

Chris went to great lengths to keep the knowledge of [[The Wallflower]] away from the slanderous trolls of the Internet. However, he foolishly credited her by her screen name during one of his sycophantic Little Big Planet levels and the trolls used that to find her Facebook page... which then led to a massive dump of info about her on the CWCki. When she was later linked to said CWCki, and horrified at the amount of information available about her, she requested that the CWCki admins remove the information since she really had very little to do with Chris and didn't deserve such a descriptive page about her. ''(Note: Naturally, since her request seemed reasonable, the CWCki admins complied and replaced all references to her with a pseudonym.)''

Frightened and disgusted by what she had found, [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|she broke off all contact with Chris]], including even casual association. She also clarified to the CWCki admins that they had never dated, never had any kind of relationship beyond casual association, and before her introduction to the CWCki she really didn't know much about him at all. Chris, however, [[Chris and reality|not to be deterred]], proclaimed many times that they had [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#What_had_happened|been on several dates]], and [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#What_had_happened|"Shared DNA"]], along with enjoying a kiss and massage. Since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (The Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally... [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|Chris had either momentarily forgotten that he had never been kissed]], something that would have been a monumental occasion in his life, lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed, or lied to Jackie about ''not'' being kissed (though that is very unlikely). Either way, he still lied about the kiss, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).

With ALL the above in mind... in the month following their "breakup", Chris would go on to blame The Wallflower for [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#The_Breakup|having an internet presence at all]]. In Chris's warped view of things, the reason that she broke up with him was because, by allowing herself to have a Facebook page and other information, ''she enabled herself to suffer because of Chris's actions''. Chris mentioned that he was ready to accept an apology ''from her'' at their social group meeting, when the reality was he should have been the one offering most sincere groveling for allowing his reprehensible behavior to be [[CWCki|published]]. Over a year after the debacle, though, it seems that Chris has [[Calling Out|begun to accept ''some'']] of the blame from the ordeal, though he has now shifted it towards Surfshack Tito.

====Forgetting====

Aside from directly shifting the blame by [[list of Chris's lies|lying]], Chris has been frequently known to 'forget' important, critical details of his life, typically ones that make him look bad. When [[Jackie E-mails|Jackie]] was flirting with him by e-mails and found out about the CWCki, she asked Chris about cheating on [[Ivy]] with [[Vanessa]], the full details of which are documented right [[Ivy|here]]. Chris, of course, claimed flat out that the whole thing was a troll deception and that Jackie shouldn't believe it. When Jackie informed Chris she found a video of him admitting it and confessing, Chris claimed he [[Jackie_E-mails_2#Chris "Forgot" He Cheated On Ivy|"forgot" this "portion"]].

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|October 27th in 2008]], Chris nervously announced he had found his one true sweetheart; [[Chloe]]. Many things immediately leapt out at the trolls as being lies, including his previous announcements on an [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|IRC chat]]. Due to Chris's unreliable short-term memory and inaction on the part of [[trolls]], after the 27 October video Chloe was never mentioned again in a video by Chris. A little more than a year later, in [[Mailbag 13]], rather than simply admit he was lying, Chris claimed "I currently have no recollection of a Chloe", even though she was supposedly the woman he had his first real kiss with.

In [[Mumble 6#On The Trans-gender Community|Mumble 6]], the troll army called out Chris on his statements regarding transgendered women. Chris claims that he forgot his previous statement, which may or may not be completely honest. In any event, Chris has discovered that (real or otherwise) a faulty memory is a socially acceptable way to dodge probing questions about one's past lies.

== Index of Chris's apologies ==

Below is an abridged list of Chris's various apologies for his many, many misdeeds. Small apologies may have been missed here and there, but these are the big ones.

*When Megan [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|called Chris out on his reprehensible actions]] regarding the porn he drew of her, he first [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris apologizes for something, what could it be?|copy-pasted "Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you."]] fifteen times in an e-mail to her, then [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|went into detail about how a handjob works]], figuring that [[virgin with rage|sexual frustration]] and [[naive|ignorance]] were the root causes of her [[Chris and anger|anger]]. Projecting, much?
*After Chris was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], he tried several times to get unbanned. The first was [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|a video where Chris apologies just so he can buy more junk]]. The [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|second]] was where he prepared a script, stashed a camera in his pocket, then walked into The Game Place to confront [[Michael Snyder]], claiming he had changed and apologizing for his actions. After Michael flatly refused to listen and called the cops, Chris berated him on religious grounds then called him a Jew.
*After threatening [[Vivian]]'s life when she made better [[audiobooks]] than he did, Chris apologized to her... then made a demand for a cut of her "profits", the two sentences separated by only a single dot.
*In [[I am Alive]], Chris apologizes for his ungentlemanly conduct in regard to Asperchu. This was a transparent attempt to get the [[homo]] ads removed from the [[CWCipedia]] and his behavior [[9 February 2010|subsequent]] to this apology proved he meant nothing he said in the video.
*In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris apologized to the Asperchu Four ''while simultaneously having them brutally executed'', including having one of them killed by a [[Sandy|toddler]].
*After [[April 16 Fetish Vids|filming himself performing sex acts for Ivy]], Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|apologized for his actions]] but structured his apology to state that his behavior was, in fact, completely normal and that [[Ching Chong]] shouldn't feel bad for watching it.
*In [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions]], Chris apologized for cheating on [[Ivy]].
*After [[Twin Falling Towers|mocking the worst act of domestic terrorism]] in United States history, Chris made a subsequent [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|apology video]]... which featured the Twin Towers as candles on a birthday cake, complete with multiple gouts of flame flying from the top.
*When [[Kacey]] discovered Chris had pretended to be the [[Liquid Chris|other, better Chris]] in order to get a travel visa to [[China]], Chris apologized by way of his video [[I Love You Kacey|"I Love You Kacey"]], where he claimed he "...was wrong for the right reasons."
*Chris '''finally''' [[02 March 2010|'sincerely' apologized to Alec and Mao]] for his actions to them on the 2nd of March. However, only a month later on the 8th of April he was talking to [[Jackie_E-mails#Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents|Jackie]] and, in an attempt to gain sympathy from her, claimed that Alec was "trying to one-up [him] for months now".
*On 21 [[October 2012]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook]] status [[Facebook#Please forgive me!|apologizing]] for past misdeeds. He immediately asked that all online groups and "individual hatreds" be disbanded.

==Sources==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Mumble 3

2012-03-22T18:55:35Z

Der Zuschauer:

'''Mumble 3''' is the third of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]]. The date it was held is uncertain, but it was before 10 [[February 2009]].

Length: '''2:51:34'''

== Synopsis ==

__NOTOC__The third Mumble chat begins with with small talk between Chris and [[Julie]], punctuated by loss of audio in places, macaroni cheese, money and passwords. [[Clyde]], at this point, is flashing in and out of the conversation, without actually making an appearance until the later stages. [[Molvanîa]] has been destroyed, it turns out. Julie almost blows her cover a couple of times while referring to "Cameron", who seems to continuously [[Rosechu|change gender]]. We also discover that all of Chris's female creations think that he’s handsome, just like [[Snorlax|Barb]] does. This would appear to be the reason why he [[love quest|can’t understand why he’s single]]. Clyde makes a cameo appearance. Julie is getting paranoid, believing that Clyde is out to get her, and she wants Chris to protect her. Chris seems unworried by Julie voicing her fears about a knife wielding Clyde Cash coming to get her, even when she is sure he's out side her house. Julie and Chris agree to take each other's virginity and imagine their first time together. Chris promises to try hard not to prematurely ejaculate. Clyde appears and reveals he's heard everything. The two threaten and try to psychoanalyze each other. Clyde denigrates Chris's existence and questions in detail how he'll support Julie or even himself, casting serious doubt on Chris's life skills. Clyde forces Chris to make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video saying that he's gay]], threatening to harm Julie if he doesn't.

== Summary ==

The chat is quite long, weighing in at nearly two and a half hours, and is one of the longest Mumble chats. It is unknown how the trolls kept Chris on for so long.

Chief talking points are as follows:

* Chris and Julie log for a private chat. There appears to be some problem with the audio cutting out.
* Julie blames the global financial crisis for her not being able to visit. Chris accepts this.
* Small talk: Julie is a very good cook. Julie has her [[Sonichu Girls]] password back.
* Julie wants to talk about their relationship.
* Julie fucks up, tipping off Chris that she's a troll. She excuses the mistake on her bad [[English]].
* Chris wants to Google Molvanîa (something he should have done ages ago), but Julie fast-talks him out of it.
* Julie explains that Molvanîa has been destroyed.
* Julie changes the subject and asks about how Virginia is.
* A wild Clyde Cash appears, then disappears without saying a word.
* Chris's alarm goes off, ruining his train of thought. He performs no other action, so presumably the alarm was to remind him to be even more forgetful than usual.
* Julie asks about Chris's parents. He says they are fine.
* Chris drops spoilers about the upcoming Sonichu.
* They talk music. Julie loves Alizée. Chris likes all music, but especially [[Britney Spears]].
* Clyde returns again, but again leaves without saying anything.
* Julie asks Chris if he is attracted to Rosechus. Chris answers by saying [[Chris and reality|they are attracted to him]].
* Chris believes he is handsome but doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend. He says this to Julie, his sweetheart.
* Chris pesters Julie to come visit him, without offering to assist her in anyway.
* Clyde speaks, demanding to know why Chris hasn't killed him yet.
* Chris bitches to Cogs, saying among other things that he can draw romance well, dating education, and how he shouldn't be held accountable for including pornography in a children's comic because he does what he wants to do.
* Chris says he might include more non-Sonichu characters in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']].
* In Molvanîa men come to the women's houses first, which Chris deludes himself into believing happens frequently in the USA as well.
* Julie is worried that Clyde might rape her like he did to Panda.
* Julie thinks she sees "someone [[Chris and race#Asians|Asian]] outside her house. She is worried it might be Clyde. Chris says he'd be scared too.
* Julie is sure someone's outside her house. Chris tells her to try not to think about it.
* There's pounding on Julie's door. She investigates; it's a salesman. Chris gives a relieved, crazed laugh.
* Almost immediately, they begin idle banter about cars.
* Chris, possessing all the subtlety of the raging inferno that was the Hindenburg in its final moments, suggests that he and Julie engage in cybersex.
* Chris believes that Panda is gone and that he should immediately move on.
* Chris admits that it's possible he will prematurely ejaculate. The prospect unsettles him some.
* Julie and Chris discuss their first time. Terrible, unmentionable things occur as they go into detail, moving into full on cybersex. Chris concedes it's probable that he'll prematurely ejaculate on his first time.
* Chris lies about his penis size. See accompanying image.
* Chris explains that his semen will taste like strawberries, since he's been eating lots of them in preparation.
* Chris drops his phone number. Yet again.
* Julie AFKs out. At least one troll quietly slips into giggles.
* Julie returns. They discuss Chris's parents.
* Julie tries to white-knight Chris. [[White Knight|It ends with the usual amount of fail]].
* Julie has a plan to get Chris to [[Redmond]]. Chris wants to go, but desperately doesn't want to expend any money, effort, time or thought into the process or even leave his house.
* Clyde returns. He reveals he was lurking under the name of his [[Vivian Gee|cousin]]. He has heard everything.
* Clyde threatens Julie. Chris threatens Clyde.
* Chris stands up Clyde for a bit. Clyde lays the smackdown, saying Chris's logic makes no sense. It doesn't.
* Clyde threatens Julie with [[Wikipedia:Russian roulette|Russian roulette]]. Chris shows that he doesn't know anything about how the game works.
* Chris and Clyde argue about who is crazier. [''Spoiler: Chris.'']
* Clyde reveals his backstory.
* Chris won't leave his shitty landfill for any reason.
* Chris tries to invoke Trolls Remorse in Clyde, which doesn't work.
* Chris displays immense hypocrisy throughout the whole third quarter of the chat.
* Chris watches [[Wikipedia:Sex in the City|''Sex in the City'']].
* Clyde tells Chris he doesn't have autism, bringing up the Wikipedia article to prove it. Chris is stunned into silence, finally admitting that high functioning autism isn't a real thing.
* Chris gives a list of his cooking and cleaning qualifications, going into specific detail about how to empty bins, load a washing machine, clean cat poo and clean up an overflowing commode.
* Clyde laughs.
* Clyde argues against the brick wall that is Chris's mind.
* Clyde has a job.
* Chris believes that he is [[Chris and his ego|simultaneously overqualified for almost any position imaginable]] and a [''jack of all trades, master of none''], to such an ludicrous extreme that he is unsuitable [[Wendy's|even for minimum wage work.]]
* Clyde frigging flips out, blowing his stack.
* Chris babbles about how [[Rocky]] is helping him but is unable to list any specifics, mentioning a Dr. Price.
* Chris STILL doesn't know why [[Megan]] got upset, even though Clyde literally screams the answer at him.
* Chris ripped up the original [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|pic She Came For CWC]], saying he keeps the remains in a crumple-lope (''presumably a crumpled-envelope'').
* Chris blames his homophobia on the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Principle of Nathanael Greene Elementary]].
* Chris says he never said he hated homosexuals, an outright lie. Clyde goes spastic.
* Clyde finally gets to the point: Chris must make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video]] where he admits to being gay. In exchange, Clyde won't dismember Julie. Chris initially declines.
* Under pressure from Julie, Chris takes a very long time to FINALLY decide that he will make the video, even after Clyde reminds him he can just make [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|a second video after to say that the first was blackmail and that he's straight.]]
* Clyde notes that he is about to get banned, so leaves.
* Some guy comes along and Chris discusses what happened.
* Chris gets Julie to agree to taping their first time and uploading it to YouTube.
* Chris goes off to make [[For Julie's Eyes Only|the video]]. The trolls burst out laughing; JulieSpike sings Still Alive from Portal.

== Transcript ==

==== 00:00:00 Introduction, Audio Fail ====

'''Chris:''' There we are. [''Random background noise''] Hmm now... What now? Oh.

'''Julie:''' Hi Chris!

'''Chris:''' Hello.

'''Julie:''' Ho- [''audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, say that again? You kinda broke up there.

'''Julie:''' Hold on, let me adjust my mic- [''cuts out again'']

'''Chris:''' Oh! It's you!

'''Julie:''' [''muted''] Yes of course!

'''Chris:''' Huh.

'''Julie:''' [''Pause''] So how are you Chri- [''More audio failure'']

'''Chris:''' I'm okay Julie, how are you?

'''Julie:''' I'm wonderful, thank you. Everything at home o-

'''Chris:''' Everything's Okay- Everything's Okay at home. Uh, I mean It's only I think that was you asked-yeah. I know you just bought that mike but it seems to be failing at points. Oh well.

'''Julie:''' Uh, let me configure it really- [''cut''] Maybe I can increase the vol- [''cut''].

'''Chris:''' If anything you might have to close it and relog back then to up after you get it configure correctly. I mean order-or-or to get to configure it correctly.

'''Julie:''' Well actually I did that, I logged back in after I configured it- [''cut'']

'''Chris:''' Oh. Well you should carry speaker a little longer there (?)

'''Julie:''' So- [''cut'']

'''Chris:''' [''Aggravated''] ''Sigh.'' Broke up again. [''Pause''] I mean you can tell when you're breaking up because you look at the you-your lips up next to your name on the thing here and you kinda get greyed out, and that means you're- that's kinda like when you get cut off. [''Pause''] Or when you're done speaking.

'''Julie:''' hey I, oh I think I know what you- Is it better now-

'''Chris:''' You got cut off again.

'''Julie:''' That's weir-

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I don't know either. You just got it- you just installed it so uh, hmm. This is like first install jitters, or something. I dunno.

'''Julie:''' Is it better now?

'''Chris:''' I heard your, eh, eh, Yeah. I mean, I was able to hear you clearly until the points where you got cut of so uh, uh, yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, try saying something longer and I'll let you know if you get cut off mid-sentence.

'''Julie:''' I hope this microphone does not cut out as that would be horrible.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I got- I had your full sentence there. I heard ya. I heard ya.

'''Julie:''' Alright, that is good-

'''Chris:''' Huh. You got cut off again.

'''Julie:''' That's weird, I don't know what could be causing it. I turned off everything else that was using the connection.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well we just, well- it's best to try to make the best- make the best of it. So you know, uh, I'll try to understand you up- I mean- until the points, I mean the points- I mean, as best as I can even if you get- even if you might get cut off sometime. But anyway it's-

'''Julie:''' I'm sorr- I'm sorry about that.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. Hmm. So uh, how are you?

==== 00:04:14 Money, Jobs ====

'''Julie:''' I'm wonderful! Things in [[America]] are wonderf-

'''Chris:''' Yep, I hear that. I'm just sorry about uh, the rising cost of things due to the economic crisis and all.

'''Julie:''' Yes, it's very hard on me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright so, uh tell me- so you said you were uh working at fast food or something to uh, earn money?

'''Julie:''' Yes, I'm working at restaurants. I'm a professional cook. Sorry. My English is still bad.

'''Chris:''' You said you were a professional cook?

'''Julie:''' I am professional at cooking.

'''Chris:''' Oh, that's good. Maybe after you come over here I could try a little bit of your cuisine for uh... lunch or dinner.

'''Julie:''' Yes, I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, mostly I just uh warm up a TV dinner, but you know I am able to uh, cooking things- uh, cooking things for my- cooking things for myself when I have the instructions in front of me and the ingredients. But it's kind of, like hmm, you know, [[Tour of Chris's House|a bit crowded in my kitchen in here]].

==== 00:05:30 Food ====

'''Julie:''' What's your favorite thing to eat?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I like, mostly like [[Obesity|mac and cheese]].

'''Julie:''' I'm very good at cooking.

'''Chris:''' I'll take your word for it. And I'll look forward to uh, trying your-

'''Julie:''' [''Interrupting''] I'll be right back, sorry.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''brief pause'']

'''Julie:''' I'm back.

==== 00:05:59 Lost Passwords ====

'''Chris:''' Okay. Let's- anyway you didn't answer my question how'd uh, did your passwo- how'd you get your password back after the previous time your brother changed it on ya?

'''Julie:''' Actually um, he actually just put it back to the original last. I'm not sure if he's gonna give it back this time, however.

'''Chris:''' Um. Hmm. Has he told you uh, me- he's probably just doing it just to annoy you but uh, maybe he- maybe uh, maybe he like, I don't know his mindset but maybe he wants something?

'''Julie:''' Perhaps.

'''Chris:''' I mean like did you ask him like, did you ever ask him like why did you change my password other than just to annoy me? What is it that you want?

'''Julie:''' I actually don't know why he chang- [''cut off again'']

'''Chris:''' It's like if you- [''Julie interrupts, brief pause''] It's like you got to try get into his head a little bit.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Like, you know, one thing you could do, you could, check out his room, see if you can find anything he's written down or look at, you know, look a clues in his room that describes him. Maybe you could, find something- find something there that uh, you can put in- put in common terms with or whatever, and uh, give him something that uh, makes him feel good from somewhere among those clues.

'''Julie:''' [''Enthusiastic''] Yes I could do that! That's a very good idea!

'''Chris:''' I mean, [[Chris's Room|my room]] is a slew of big clues. [''Chris pronounces "slew" as "slow"'']

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah so uh... what else do you want to talk about?

==== 00:08:07 About Our Relationship... ====

'''Julie:''' Umm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we could talk about- I'm not sure. Maybe our relationship?

'''Chris:''' [''Sudden intake of breath, as though wincing in pain''] Oooh. Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Should I- Should I not bring this up?

'''Chris:''' No, it's okay, it's okay. [''Pause''] Mmm. Ummm. Yeah. I mean I'm just trying to think about what- what's a good- what's a, something to say at the moment. I mean you don't know what to say, you could say [[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious]].

'''Julie:''' Ah. Have you heard from my friend Cameron Van- you know Cameron yet? Have you heard from him yet?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, Cameron?

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''Realizing error''] Oh. Her. Sorry.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, possibly is that uh, Is that- I dunno is that like your aunt, still over in [[Molvanîa]].

'''Julie:''' Well, I have unfortunate news about Molvanîa. It- it appears to have been destroyed. I know that sounds strange, but, I don't know what happened. I'm very worried.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Maybe I can find something on the-

'''Julie:''' I miss my hometown.

'''Chris:''' I hear ya. Hang on, I'll uh, I'll Google Molvanîa, see if I can-

'''Julie:''' [''Backpedaling''] no, that's alright, I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, tell me in your own words what you think happened.

'''Julie:''' I don't know, It's just, I think the dictator of Molvanîa, I think he was assassinated,

'''Chris:''' The dictator was assassinated.

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure. As far as I heard from Cameron before he- I lost all contact with him.

'''Chris:''' [''Incredulous''] You mean her, don't you?

'''Julie:''' Sorry, I keep getting confused, my English is awful. I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' It's okay, you're trying. You're doing- you're doing okay.

'''Julie:''' Thank you very much.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I think I'd like to talk about something else. I, you know.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, talk about anything.

==== 00:10:40 How's Virginia? ====

'''Julie:''' So, how's [[Virginia]]?

'''Chris:''' It's okay. Uhh, you know, it's a good place to live. As, especially going out to [[Charlottesville]] and uh, whatnot, but it's okay.

'''Julie:''' Oh, that sounds wonder-

'''Chris:''' I mean, I can't, I mean I don't know what much to say, but uh, you know [[Bob|my Father]] could tell you, oh yeah, Virginia's a historic town, cuz, you know we got all the history from like, Thomas Jefferson and, oh yeah, [[A Hike|the Monticello]].

'''Julie:''' What do you like to do in Virginia?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. What Do I like to do in Virginia? Hmm. I dunno [''nervous laugh''] Been living in Virginia pretty much all my life so, pretty much just living my normal life at this point. Other than- other than that I can't really say, you know?

'''Julie:''' Can you tell what that includes? I really want to know what your life is like, I would love to know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Ahh, let me think about that. My life is like, uh...

==== 00:12:02 A Wild Clyde Cash Appears! ====

'''Julie:''' Oh no!

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Julie:''' I see [[Clyde Cash|Clyde's]] here. Uh oh.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' Oh well, let's just ignore him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It's like uh, he seems to be under the "Inactive" area.

'''Julie:''' Yeah no one can hear us here.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and uh, here's a note, it says that Clyde left the channel.

'''Julie:''' Oh, that's good.

'''Chris:''' In the left column here. Hmm. Don't really, I mean, don't really have much on my mind uhh, right now, let me see. Ah, mostly I've just been uh, collecting my thoughts and taking my time. You know, recovering from the Internet, from the [[stress]] of the, the stress of the Internet and whatnot.

'''Julie:''' Yes, the Internet can be a very stressful place, especially with all these [[jerks]] trying to make you mad.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah it can be very tiring is- yep. Very tiring.

'''Julie:''' You should stand up to them sometime. You should just tell them you're not going to take it anymore.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think I, I pretty much do that, just like you know, like, I keep my cool- I kept my- pretty much kept my cool and not so much- [''Chris's cell phone alarm goes off''] Excuse me.

==== 00:03:40 Alarms Are Distracting... ====

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' That was my phone, reminding me of, er, just a reminder.

'''Julie:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Uh, lost- lost my train of thought there.

'''Julie:''' Awww.

'''Chris:''' Don't you just hate that where you lose your train of thought and it's hard to recover?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. I hate it so much.

'''Chris:''' I- yep I- I hear you there.

==== 00:14:12 Bob and Snorlax ====

'''Julie:''' So, so how is your life? I mean, are things with your parents okay? I would love to hear.

'''Chris:''' Mmm, you know, uh, can't complain. It's uh, not to- not totally bad. It's okay. I mean, uh, it's-

'''Julie:''' Is your father giving you trouble again?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Uh not so much lately. Uh, I had to go downtown with him to get his pacemaker checked.

'''Julie:''' Oh, I hope he's okay.

'''Chris:''' D'awright.

'''Julie:''' How's [[Snorlax|your mother]]?

'''Chris:''' She's alright.

'''Julie:''' I heard her singing, what was it, [[Mumble 2|yesterday]]? She's a very good singer.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. You know I told her that, uh, you know. Y'all- Y'all on the Mumble here heard her singing and they gave you a compliment it's like you know, "Oh, I can't sing, I'm tone deaf. They're just lying to try to make you feel good." Just a little um, just a little mod- just a little modesty there. From her point.

'''Julie:''' Everything I said about her awesome singing. I- I- It was a hundred percent true Chris, I assure you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I know. I mean, I think she- I think she's a great singer too.

'''Julie:''' As do I.

'''Chris:''' Sorry, could you repeat that, what was that?

'''Julie:''' As do I, I agree with you.

'''Chris:''' Oh, as do you. That's what you said. Hm. It sounded like you said somethings, it sounded like you said "something, something why". Heh.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, like, I dunno, heh. Could be asking a question like, "Why, blahdah blahda". But never mind about that. I mean, I mean- I mean I understand, I'm understanding you clearly. Up to like, you know, up to when you get cut off and whatever.

'''Julie:''' So apparently Clyde did get kicked from the Mumble server, so that's good.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Hopefully he's gone for good. He's been trying to promote his awful comic.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I'm definitely gonna take- I'm definitely gonna- I've been taking some time, and I've been thinking about like you know doing a page at a time, and uploading that to my website. As, as I- as I draw the comic.

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, umm... I know maybe it's confidential, but could you tell me about- a bit about the next comic? I really want to hear.

'''Chris:''' Tough love, simply enough- in the first episode [[Wild]] and [[Simonla]] will meet in the [[Dating Education]] class, and it'll just be like, a simple romance, without them- with only the professor knowing it, the two get paired up uh, communicating with each other over- over, like Internet and cell phone and whatnot in practice. And then they all love each other.

'''Julie:''' Cool. I look forward to reading about it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean, but, you would think, you know, Simonla is a ground/bug type and uh, Wild's a grass-electric. It's like they wouldn't, uh, hook up very well on the opposite traits. But you know, Wild don't- wild don't care. Loves her.

==== 00:17:37 Music, Alizée ====

'''Julie:''' Wow. That sounds so nice. You know what, I'd like to change the subject a bit?

'''Chris:''' Uh, sure.

'''Julie:''' Can I ask you about your taste in music? I'm an [[wikipedia:Alizée|Alizée]] fan myself!

'''Chris:''' Uhh.

'''Julie:''' Can I show you one of her videos? Her videos?

'''Chris:''' Uhhh, no. Uh, no that's okay, but you said Alizée, I think I've heard that name mentioned before.

'''Julie:''' Yes, I believe it was mentioned uh, last time.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I kinda like mo- like uh, all types of [[Chris and music|music]]. Uh, some heavy metal, not so ehhh, but you know I'll play it on ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', at least.

'''Julie:''' I've been trying to get ''Guitar Hero''. That's one of the next games I've been planning to get.

'''Chris:''' Guitar Hero Metallica?

'''Julie:''' Well, even ''[[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero: Metallica|Guitar Hero: Metallica]]'', or maybe ''[[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero World Tour|World Tour]]''.

Chris: World Tour's already out. With the band kit.

'''Julie:''' I can possibly get that.

'''Chris:''' Or you can- or you can get [[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock|''Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock'']] or [[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero: Aerosmith|''Aerosmith'']].

'''Julie:''' I hear there are some rock stars that are actually playable in ''Guitar Hero III'', who are they?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, I can't really, I don't really memorize- I don't really memorize the uh, playable characters, but in ''World Tour'' I did create a playable version of myself.

'''Julie:''' Cool.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah there's a video on the [[YouTube]] that shows me playing with my character and the [[Gitar of Fail|Sonichu Guitar]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah, I noticed you played really well. Do you know how to play the real guitar?

'''Chris:''' Ehhh. No, but you know, the guitar, the plastic guitar's good enough for me, I mean, I feel it's good- good enough. Like playing a real guitar. [''Voice becomes very gloomy''] Even though it's not, but still, [''back to cheerful''] It's good enough for me!

==== 00:19:33 Troll Wars VI: Return of the Clyde ====

'''Julie:''' Oh no. I think Clyde's back. Hopefully he doesn't notice this. Hopefully [''drowned out by clattering noises''] -but let's just ignore him again.

'''Chris:''' I mean, yeah. He's not in- he's not in our private channel. So, he's not hearing us.

'''Julie:''' Yea- [''cut off again'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah but anyway- yeah, I like all kinds of music. Uh, but uh, you know, my favorite female pop star- my favorite female pop star-singer I'd say would be, would have to be [[Britney Spears]].

'''Julie:''' I agree, Britney Spears is very nice.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

==== 00:20:13 Attracted to Cartoons ====

'''Julie:''' You know, about your comic? I actually have a question I've been pondering for quite awhile.

'''Chris:''' Ask.

'''Julie:''' Umm, do you find yourself attracted to your female characters you created at all?

'''Chris:''' Ah, do I find myself attracted to my female characters?

'''Julie:''' That you have created, yes. I'm sorry if it's a bit too much but I feel like I just, I've been pondering it.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Let me think about that, hmm. Are we including the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]?

'''Julie:''' Huh. What?

'''Chris:''' Uh, hang on a second, we've got an interloper here.

'''Julie:''' It must be a troll.

'''Chris:''' Oh, there he goes, he got kicked out.

'''Julie:''' Oh, there he goes. Thank goodness.

'''Chris:''' Yep. Ah, right so, are we talking about uh- so, in addition, yeah uh, the [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|human]] [[Allison Amber|female]] characters. Are we also talking about me being attractive to the Rosechus?

'''Julie:''' Yes, I've been pondering. I'm just wondering.

'''Chris:''' Yeah they'd- yeah I would say they all have a good ap- I would- they all think I'm handsome. Like [[barb|my mother]]. My mother- my mother thinks I'm- my mother tells me constantly that I'm handsome and I agree with her, like when I look at myself in the mirror. But it's like, you know, every time she tells me I'm handsome I'm like, “If I'm so handsome why don't I have a girlfriend?”

'''Julie:''' I don't know! I can't imagine why either. You're- well to use the best word you're just dashing. You're just wonderful.

'''Chris:''' I appreciate that.

'''Julie:''' It is my pleasure.

==== 00:22:07 [[Chris and money|Money]] ====

'''Chris:''' [''Brief pause, stress sigh''] Let me go off-topic a bit. So, how- how long do you think it will be until you feel like you'll be able to afford to make the trip to uh, come to Virginia?

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure. Things are tough with the economic problems in [[America]] currently. Hopefully you'll be able to um, hopefully I'll be able to soon.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. You getting any financial help from your family? I mean uh, you can count [[Max|your brother]], but I'm not necessarily counting him.

'''Julie:''' Well, most of my family live in Molvanîa. For after- I mean, before it happened. I hope they're okay.

==== 00:22:48 Clyde Speaks! ====

'''Clyde:''' I'm here Chris...

'''Julie:''' Clyde?! What are you doing here?

[''Chris gives a stress sigh'']

'''Clyde:''' I just wanted to stop by and say hi, Julie.

'''Julie:''' Get out.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Clyde:''' Look Chris, Chris. I just wanna tell you something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah wh-

'''Clyde:''' I'm off my medication right now, I'm off my leia (presumably leash) and I'm still angry at you now. Last time was a mistake. I shouldn't, [[Vivian]] told me... [''exhales''] Oh god. Tell me Chris. I just want you to answer one thing.

'''Chris:''' What is it.

'''Clyde:''' Why haven't you killed me yet? Why haven't you killed me yet.

'''Julie:''' [''Pause''] Chris I think he's trying to tick me.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' Clyde, how did you get in here?!

'''Clyde:''' [''Short whisper, indistinct'']

'''Julie:''' You must be on your drugs again, you jerk!

'''Clyde:''' Not this time. Not this time. I was being too nice last time, obviously. That was me on drugs. I was too nice when I was on drugs.

'''Chris:''' You know Clyde, I have an answer- I do have an answer for you. I haven't killed you yet because you're doing a good job doing it to yourself.

'''Clyde:''' Uhhh... I haven't attempted to kill myself. Ever.

'''Chris:''' Druggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I don't think he's gonna leave. I'm scared. What if he tells all the other jerks what you've been saying? What if he knows?! No. I don't know. [''Clyde momentarily interrupts'']

'''Chris:''' He knows nothing. He's been mostly out of this conversation.

'''Clyde:''' I know everything. Ever.

'''Chris:''' Op. There we go, he got kicked out. [''pause''] There you go he got kicked out. Yeah but I think most- I think- I think we're safe because he did not hear most of our conversation since, you know, he was mostly in the inactive column.

==== 00:25:22 Clyde Leaves ====

'''Julie:''' I have to be right back soon.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Julie:''' So there should be something we can do about Clyde.

'''Chris:''' But uh, like uh- I'm not too worried about him. I mean I'll deal with him- [''Julie interrupts''] I mean I'll deal with him when uh, he pops in.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Uhh according to [[Cogsdev]], he says that uhh Clyde shouldn't be able to come back. [''pause, stress sigh''] Hmm, right so we were-

'''Julie:''' It must be another troll.

==== 00:26:09 Chris talks to Cogsdev ====

'''Chris:''' Nah, that's okay. They're taken care of... They're being taken care of- they're taken care of. But anyway getting back to our conversation, talk about uh, yeah you tried- I was asking you if you had any [[Monthly Tugboat|financial aid]] from your family. But uh, then you said that they- the troubles in Molvanîa and such. Uh. Yeah, but mostly uh- any help at all from your family? Financially. [''pause''] Julie? Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Uhh, Cogsdev, you can- you heard the whole conversation, didn't you? [''Pause''] Oh. Okay. [''unclear mumbling, pause''] Oh, okay, well that's okay, you didn't have to uh, come into the channel, but uh, yeah okay but anyway so what's your question?

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Active manner. Hmm. Yeah cuz I like- cuz I like to uh, hmm. But I mostly am attracted to women so when I draw my female characters I like to uh... with like you know I, yeah. I like to make them attractive. I have done, uh, hmmm. [''pause''] I can't really uh, hmmm. No, I would not have uh, sex with any of them but it's like you know, uh... It's like but you know, I love them as if they were my friends or uh, or like you know, my brain children. But I would never have [[sex]] with them. I mean it's like uh, alright, yeah, Cogsdev, I know you're a girl and I will take your word for it on that, but uh, yeah but, yeah. It's like uh, you have- you would have- if you had a son, wouldn't you want to make him look attractive?

[''Pause']

'''Chris:''' Alright, there you go, you'd dress him up as nice- as nicely as possible. [''Pause, then inaudible mumbling''] Obviously I watched uh, yeah, I did watch [[Pornography]] and then I did get the frustration from the e- from between the [[ED]] page it- the page and the [[trolls]]. But it's also like, you know uh, I've all- I've wanted to do something like that, you know uh, just to stretch uh an adult muscle in my head. And plus, if you'll look at the, uh, at the lovey-dovey non-[[Nudes|nudity]] scenes like uh, you know just the embracing and the kissing. They're like my best works of- they're like my best examples of [[art]]. It's like even though I'm a frustrated [[virgin]], I can draw romance very well.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I just- but- you know, a bunch of times I most but- like majority of- like most other people I'm [[random]]. And I'll uh, I'll never know what I'm gonna- sometimes I never know what I'm gonna do next. If I'm- um- what I mean I work out- I don't think- sometimes I don't think I feel. If I wanna do something to- just for the heck of it then I'll do it. But yeah, the [[comic]] is mostly intended for children.

[''Pause, [[sigh]]'']

'''Chris:''' But it's also like you know, it's- I'll figure that it's also like it's intention for like when they get older. Years later they're- they're in their teenage years and they're like uh, they're looking back at the earlier stuff and it's like "Oh that was so childish." But then it's like you know I- I added this uh- this- the uh, the T-rated or the- or adult materials I pretty much did. It's like uh, they could relate better- they could like relate to that in their adult- in their teenage and adult years. Just uh- just uh- just a small branch out, if you will.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' More of a- I would say that uh, related to like what I would like in my romantic love life. Or like, you know, when I have my romantic relationship with my sweetheart. That's pretty much- I'm gonna be doing it. And also with that uh, also good advice for uh, those that don't know for themselves. Like I'm working on the [[dating education]] episode I was just telling Julie about a little bit. But yeah, that nine-year-old who wrote [[How to Talk to Girls|that book]] pretty much took the words out of my mouth, and then some, but mostly-

==== 00:33:46 Julie Returns ====

'''Julie:''' I'm back, Mr. Chandler!

'''Chris:''' [''Laughs''] Oh that's- that was fun. I was just talking to Cogsdev uh, pretty much.

'''Julie:''' Ah, I see!

'''Chris:''' you know it's just-

'''Julie:''' So, did I miss anything important?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, not really. Just answered the- I just answered a couple of her questions.

'''Julie:''' Oh, alright. Wait, how did- huh. Oh, never mind. [''pause''] So I'm sorry I had to take a brief absence. [[Max|My brother]] called me for help with something.

'''Chris:''' I see. Hmmm. I'm sure Cogsdev won't mind but I'm just gonna see if I can... how to do it here it says “kick and mute” I just want- I just want to move- oh, she moved herself. Okay. So, alright so, what did he want? You to help him with?

'''Julie:''' He just- he just wanted to help- me to help him with um, from the kitchen.

'''Chris:''' Oh. I see. That's good. Hmm.

==== 00:35:10 Non-Sonichu Characters ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I just thought of another question while I was helping him in the kitchen.

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' I noticed that all your characters are indeed- well, most of them are indeed Sonichus and Rosechus.

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Do you plan to make any other characters that are not Sonichus and Rosechus? Like that character I gave to you earlier?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Possibly. But you know that there are some, there are other animal characters outside that, the Sonichus and Rosechus, you know, there's [[Flame the Sunbird]].

'''Julie:''' Yes there is him. I-

'''Chris:''' Of course we have the human characters.

'''Julie:''' Yes I know, but aside from them, do you plan on making any other non-Sonichu or Rosechu characters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, possibly for like you know uh, one way or another hero villains, side characters, It just-

'''Julie:''' I look forward to it!

'''Chris:''' Time will tell. And uh... here's a thought, after uh, you move to uh, Virginia, and you come be- and you come be with me, then uh, it's like you could help me work on that. Create those characters.

'''Julie:''' I am pretty good at character design. I've made a few characters like the one you've seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I wanna ask.

'''Chris:''' Hmm?

==== 00:36:48 Monthly Tugboats ====

'''Julie:''' You said before that you do get money every month, is this not right?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I do get, yeah I do get a mo- [[Monthly tugboat|social security]].

'''Julie:''' Well, you must have more money than I. Can you try to come to Ohio sometime? Or would you prefer if I came to your house.

'''Chris:''' I'd rather uh, you came to my house. Cuz I just don't feel comfortable traveling long distances, uh by myself at least.

'''Julie:''' I guess, but I've never been in America myself either. I'm somewhat worried myself.

'''Chris:''' Best thing you can do to relive that tension is just to, take a deep breath, once in awhile, take your time. You know, quote unquote stop and smell the roses.

'''Julie:''' Alright I guess.

'''Chris:''' You know it's like, uh, you don't have to uh, be in a hurry to get from point A to point B. It's just like, you can space it out in- you can space it out in your own mind, at your own individual pace. As long as you go.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, I think I'll try uh, slowly move over. Hopefully I'll get there this year. If I'm lucky.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah this year. Or uh, I dunno. I'll tell ya what uh, it may be possible, but I might uh, be able to board you here if uh, board you here in my- board you here in my room until uh you get uh, until you get an apartment for yourself, you know? [''Windows beeping''] Until you get here.

==== 00:38:42 Things Are Different in Molvanîa ====

'''Julie:''' Can I ask you something though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' In Molvanîa... men indeed do come to the womens houses first. But how things are different here? I figured that they have the same rules.

'''Chris:''' Well you know, same more or less. But it's like uh, most people are more comf- most men are more comfortable with uh, what they call a “[[Wikipedia:Sadie Hawkins Day|Sadie Hawkins]]” situation because uh- alright yeah, Sadie- it's uh, pretty much just fictional character Sadie Hawkins, you can look her up on uh [[Wikipedia]] or something.

'''Julie:''' I think I will.

'''Chris:''' Yeah but, mostly it's like uh, no guy would- every- every guy was like afraid to uh, talk to her so, she pretty much did the asking of the guy- asking to the guys. And uh, they would most likely say yes but- yeah so, she pretty much started a trend of women asking the guys or going to them.

'''Julie:''' I see.

'''Chris:''' And I just, for a long while I felt more comfortable- more comfortable in a Sadie Hawkins situation.

'''Julie:''' Uh huhh.

'''Chris:''' Like you know uhhh, pretty much the women- pretty much the women coming to me that's uh, pretty much why during my in-person experiences, during my sweetheart search in the earlier years when I actually were, in- actually was in the lo- in the real life locations. I was waiting for the women to come to me. Cuz I was just shy and uncomfortable- I just was shy mostly.

'''Julie:''' But you don't need to be shy around me, you know me, you trust me completely, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. But still-

==== 00:40:48 Don't Be Afraid ====

'''Julie:''' You shouldn't be scared.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but also there's the uh, there's like role troubles and my fam- and my mom would- and my mom would worry and all that sort of- all that sort of-

'''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] my brother worries about my safety. You know, he doesn't want me to get hurt out there because the world is a mean place.

'''Chris:''' I hear- I hear you there.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I'm still worried.

'''Chris:''' Sometimes you just gotta take a plunge. I mean, listen to me, talking like this. It's like I should be taking plunges for myself. Hmm. Here's some thing-

'''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] Well, I guess I could try.

'''Chris:''' I would appreciate that. I really would.

'''Julie:''' I- I will- I promise you right now, I just want you to know, that I will consciously try to get to Virginia in this year. I will try my very hardest.

'''Chris:''' Thank you. I want you to know I mean that from my heart. Thank you, Julie.

'''Julie:''' You are very welcome Chris. But again, I'm worried. What if Clyde- what if he attempts to rape me as he did with [[PandaHalo|Panda]]? I'm worried. Worried for my own safety.

'''Chris:''' Yeah but uh, as long as you don't uh, put it on the Internet where you're currently living, then uh-

==== 00:42:36 Clyde the Stalker ====

'''Julie:''' Yes but he's able to follow me. I think I've seen a car around my house- someone... someone Asian in it? I think Clyde is Asian, I'm worried. He looked in with an evil glare, I'm worried. I think it was half-Asian actually, I'm not really- I'm just really scared that if I try and leave my house that he's gonna do awful things to me. [[sex tape|Awful horrible things]] to me! I'm scared Chris.

'''Chris:''' I hear you. I feel for you. I'd be scared too.

'''Julie:''' But I don't think! I- I don't think he'd rape you. Which is why I think maybe you should come- I apologize for the background noise, TV is on.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. Uhhh, but you- surely that guy cannot be out there all the time.

'''Julie:''' Yes but I see his car even at night. I have a feeling he may be stalking me but I don't know where he is and I'm scared to call anyone about it.

'''Chris:''' Well do you have his license plate number?

'''Julie:''' But Chris I- no I don't. But, I know Chris, that- you're tough Chris. I actually- I believe in you. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You're tough! I know you are. I know you've described yourself a couple times but, you are the strongest person I know. I know this! I want you to protect me Chris. Can I please trust you? With my life? Do you think that would be...

'''Chris:''' Alright you can trust- I'm- you can trust me to protect you.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris I apprecia [''audio cut off'']

'''Chris:''' Yes. I will protect you.

'''Julie:''' Yeah the TV is extremely loud. I should ask my brother to turn it down.

'''Chris:''' Actually I'm not hearing your tel- I'm not hearing your television.

'''Julie:''' Huh.

'''Chris:''' So you know, it's okay at this point.

'''Julie:''' Alright. [''brief pause''] Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Thank you. I'm happy that I could trust you. And I'm happy that you can also trust me.

'''Chris:''' I'm happy too. That uh, you're able to uh, to trust me very much as well and that you understand me very well. Makes me feel better. Makes me feel happier.

'''Julie:''' I'm very, it's my pleasure making you feel happy, Chris. It's my ple- [''Audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' Uhh, Cogsdev uh, Okay, uh, did you have another question or something?

'''Julie:''' I'll be right- [''Audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' [''to Cogsdev''] oh yeah well we were just talking uh, but yeah, Julie will be right back so uh, it's okay. Did you have something else on your mind?

[''Pause'']

==== 00:47:00 He's Outside! Oh no! ====

'''Julie:''' So anyway, uh, yes I do see someone outside my house. I don't know who it is.

'''Chris:''' Just uh, just try not to think about it.

'''Julie:''' I won't.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean uh, it's not like you saw- I mean, it doesn't- it not- it's not hold it- it does not look like he's looking a [[Megatron pistol|gun]], is he?

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure, he's holding something. I'm worried.

'''Chris:''' Well just- just best not to- to try not to think about it.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Someone's pounding on my door.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Someone's pounding on your door...

'''Julie:''' I'm gonna to go lock it. I'm worried, Chris. I'm gonna go lock it.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Oh- it was... I looked outside, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Uh huh?

'''Julie:''' It turns out it was a salesman.

[''Chris gives a maniacal, crazy laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Ahh, that's a relief.

'''Julie:''' I'm sorry, I- I acted so silly!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's okay- it's only- it's only human. You're only human.

'''Julie:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' It's okay, we're all human. I mean, I was scared for you too. [pause] I was pretty much quaking over here!

'''Julie:''' I was so scared! I'm so silly.

'''Chris:''' It's a'right. I'm here for you.

[pause]

'''Julie:''' I appreciate that, Chris.

[pause]

==== 00:48:42 Now That Julie's Not About To Get Stabbed, Let's Babble About Cars ====

'''Julie:''' So. I think I would like to change the topic if that's a'right?

'''Chris:''' Sure. Whatcha wanna talk ab-

'''Julie:''' How do you like [[wikipedia:Burnout (video game)|''Burnout'']], Chris?

'''Chris:''' It's- it's alrigh...t. Yeah... get to cruise around...

'''Julie:''' Maybe we should race sometime.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I did notice in a- uhh- in a- in a trailer that, uh... apparently uh, the concept Camaro that [[wikipedia:Bumblebee_(other_incarnations)#2007_Transformers_film|Bumblebee]] was, uh... is in the game too.

'''Julie:''' Yeah I heard they're actually releasing uhh... I forget the exact name, but they're actually gonna... release [[wikipedia:DeLorean DMC-12|the same car]] from [[wikipedia:Back to the Future|''Back to the Future'']].

'''Chris:''' Huh. That's interesting. By the way you know, I also do have the music video, uh- that was on the [[PlayStation Network]] for a limited time- uh, [[Wikipedia:Fast Car|"Fast Car"]]...

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It's basic- I forgot who was the guy who... sang it, but I do uhh have the MP3 of it as well. But, anyway, in the beginning it's like- this person who has a PSP... he's getting a message from- from the guy doing the song... from his PlayStation 3... or his PSP or something like that. And then he gets into Burnout, then gets his license... does- a his video with, uh... car action and such. [''Chris's voice fades out''] I forgot how it... goes. <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[stress sigh]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> Mmm. I could send the video over the PlayStation Network I would, but apparently they only will allow you to send photos or... something like that- I don't know how to send videos.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' I do have it on my PlayStation 3.

[pause]

==== 00:50:29 Oh Chris, You're The Master Of Subtlety ====

'''Julie:''' When- When I do go to Ruckersville, Virginia with you... I would love to play ''Guitar Hero'' with you... and ''Burnout'', and all the games. I would love to just play for hours with you.

'''Chris:''' I would love that too. [[Hanky-panky|Play with you.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh.

'''Chris:''' You know, in [[wikipedia:Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s|''Guitar Hero: Encore... Rock the 80's'']]... the, uh encore number was uh... [[wikipedia:Play With Me|"Play With Me"]].

'''Julie:''' Oh, cool! That's... quite the coincidence.

'''Chris:''' So... [''Chris does a bizarre voice here''] come play. Come plaaaay!

'''Julie:''' Haha- I will!

'''Chris:''' Come play. ... and maybe... you know, there may be... [[hanky panky|other things]].

'''Julie:''' Heh!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Other... fun things. [''Chris has a lecherous tone to his voice'']

'''Julie:''' I hear you!

'''Chris:''' Just- just each other on the couch... or on my bed.

'''Julie:''' I can't wait.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah. [''stress sigh''] This point yeah. Pretty much, uhh... but don't quote me- um, I don't want you [[CWCki|spreading it around]] and uh... well yeah, at this point, uh... eh... [[PandaHalo|Sarah... Panda]] is gone. I'll just let her fly away right now... to uh... to Clyde, if she is going there, just let her fly- just let her- I'll just let her go. I'll give you my-

'''Julie:''' I'm real- I'm very sorry to hear Panda has left you. And after all this time and you loved her. And she would just leave you for that.

'''Chris:''' It's okay. [[Chris and death|I'm able to recover.]] Then... move on.

'''Julie:''' I hope so.

'''Chris:''' But anyway. Uhh, Julie- I'll let you take my virginity.

'''Julie:''' [''muted''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' After you get here and we spend... [[third date|plenty of time]] together and get to know each other in person.

'''Julie:''' I look forward to that, 100% Chris.

'''Chris:''' You've come so far. You'll be the uh- the wife- the one who actually made it.

==== 00:52:51 Chris The Cherry Popp'n, Prematurely Ejaculating Machine! ====

'''Julie:''' Chris, can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Oh yeah. How do you think our first time would- [''audio cut'']

'''Chris:''' I'd do the best I can. [''gives a nervous, scared laugh''] Hopefully not prematurely ev-ejaculate.

'''Julie:''' Hope not! I wanna enjoy it as much as I can.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, certainly I would try my best to make it as... satisfactory as possible. I mean, I've watched a lot of pornography, educational... or, uh just... sets or uh, and I've learned from that.

'''Julie:''' I see. What position would you like best? Can I ask?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I don't know. Cowgirl.

'''Julie:''' I've heard of it. I think I might enjoy it.

'''Chris:''' You're on top.

'''Julie:''' [giggle] Wait, how would I be on top?

'''Chris:''' I'm on my back-

'''Julie:''' Oh yeah, I remember.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Mmm. So yeah, Julie, you know, come here as soon as possible... If you can make it by- if you can make it for even at least a visit... on my, by my, on my birthday... later this month... I would appreciate that.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I promise you, I will try my absolute hardest to visit you on your birthday.

[''pause'']
[[Image:1240785819569.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is smiling for you. Just for you.]]
'''Chris:''' Too bad you can't see me smile, because [[creepy stare|I'm smiling for you]].

'''Julie:''' Well, there's always... S-Skype, but... nah. Not right now.

'''Chris:''' It's okay. [''pause''] There's also PlayStation Network Chat. I have PlayStation Eye. But uhh-

'''Julie:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' -unfortunately, your brother... maybe he'll- maybe he'll give it back to you.

==== 00:54:54 The First Time OH GOD. ====

'''Julie:''' I hope so. Hey Chris, I know you might not want to, I'm just asking, but do you think you could describe the first time?

'''Chris:''' Mmmmmm...

'''Julie:''' For me?

'''Chris:''' Mmm... I tell you what, how about I uh... type it up and send it to you on multiple messages on PSN...

'''Julie:''' Aww, are you sure?

'''Chris:''' Cuz... cuz I can't recollect it off the top of my head, and it's a lot of detail.

'''Julie:''' But you can stay... I'll stay for the whole thing! It's a lot easier to say it in words. Please Chris?

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' For me?

'''Chris:''' I might. It's gonna take me... a while to recollect.

'''Julie:''' I'll wait the entire time.

'''Chris:''' You are a trooper.

'''Julie:''' And it doesn't have to be perfectly accurate.

'''Chris:''' Lemme just ask you though, out of curiosity... are you a virgin?

'''Julie:''' Indeed I am. And I'll gladly let you take it.

'''Chris:''' Let's take each other.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [pause] Take it as a compliment, you're making me hard.

'''Julie:''' Okay, so can you describe it? For me?

'''Chris:''' Yeah okay I'm trying- lemme- okay, mmm.

'''Julie:''' I will patiently wait.

==== 00:56:38 I HAVE TO TRANSCRIBE THIS?! WHAT THE HELL MAN! WHAT THE HELL! ====

'''Chris:''' We will firstly make out.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. During that day I would have eaten plenty of strawberries.

'''Julie:''' I love strawberries. Lemme tell you Chris...

'''Chris:''' Mmm?

'''Julie:''' I'm [[mass debating|masturbating]] right now to this thought. So please continue.

'''Chris:''' We're making out. Mmm. We're... I'd let you... I'd let ya... pull my pants down, and let you warm me up a bit.

'''Julie:''' I would love to.

'''Chris:''' Uhhgh... You wouldn't mind giving- uh, you wouldn't mind giving me a, uh... blowjob?

'''Julie:''' I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.

'''Chris:''' So uh, you just imagine it... and you're enjoying it I think?

'''Julie:''' Of course I am.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. You have my right hand on... your left shoulder.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' J-just just- just having it there.

'''Julie:''' Yes!

==== 00:58:20 Chris Admits To Probable Premature Ejaculation ====

'''Chris:''' Mmm. A'right yeah, then eventually yeah... You would pretty much, eventually uh, you might- you might get some of the premature stuff... at least that's like, out of the way. [''inhales nervously'']

'''Julie:''' We would continue after that, right?

'''Chris:''' I still have a lot more... I still got a lot more tiger in my tank. Rawr.

'''Julie:''' Me too.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

==== 00:58:54 Return to Ear Rape ====

'''Chris:''' Let's say we, uh... undress each other.

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''Julie sounds bored'']

'''Chris:''' I'll unhook your bra.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Then I would, uh... be... be marveling at your... at your... nipples.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm.

'''Chris:''' Cuz you've already marveled at my [[duck|dick]]...!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Excuse me?

'''Chris:''' You're pretty- I mean-

'''Julie:''' Can you repeat that?

'''Chris:''' I said, you would have already marveled at my... dick.

'''Julie:''' Yes I have.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Then we just- then we'd just be undressing each other... at this point. Then I'd know that it's your turn. I'll massage your breasts with my hands and I'll have my mouth at your pussy.

'''Julie:''' Mmm... I would enjoy that very much.

'''Chris:''' Yes. There you go, massaging and giving me... my head.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

==== 01:00:09 Julie Encourages Chris ====

'''Julie:''' Chris, can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yeeees?

'''Julie:''' As I am... are you too... masturbating to this?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I don't have my hand... on me.

'''Julie:''' I was wishing maybe we could... do it together.

'''Chris:''' Mmm... let's call this a little rehearsal. We don't necessarily need to let anything go with the moment.

'''Julie:''' Oh a'right. Please continue though.

==== 01:00:44 Sexy Time Again! ====

'''Chris:''' You know what? I just grabbed it.

'''Julie:''' I'm happy to hear.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's, it's not hanging out- but I'm grabbing it. You made me grab it.

[''Julie giggles twice'']

'''Chris:''' Then eventually, uh... I'll give it to you first doggy style.

'''Julie:''' Thank you. [''pause''] Please continue.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. In and out, in and out... mmm.
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|right|SEVEN INCHES MY MORBIDLY OBESE ARSE.]]
'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you something? How big is it?

'''Chris:''' It can go up to seven inches.

'''Julie:''' Oh wow! I'd love that. [''pause''] Please continue, I'd love to hear it. I love to hear this- thank you!

'''Chris:''' So... just let it play in your imagination. In and out, in and out- doggy style!

'''Julie:''' Yay!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Then eventually... I'd fall towards you and we'd both lay together on the bed, side by side... I mean we are lying- we are laying on our sides. I am behind you.

'''Julie:''' Ohh.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris puts on another retarded voice''] My dick is still in your pus-sey, and my fingers are making sure it stays in there.

'''Julie:''' Hmm... Would you do it [[homo|up the butt]]?

'''Chris:''' [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|Not on the first time]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' We'll enjoy the moment.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I am.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''retard-o voice returns''] In and ooooout, in and oooooout. It... feels good.

[retarded, incomprehensible stammering]

'''Chris:''' [''more retarded voice''] And pretty soon, and pretty soon the cowgirl... You're on top! You're on top of meeee... you're riding-

'''Julie:''' I would ride that so much.

'''Chris:''' -me, you're riding me hard.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm.
[[Image:Strawberries.png|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
'''Chris:''' B-but then, but then... [''Chris suddenly switches to his normal voice''] By the way I would be wearing a condom. So like you know, so like you know I have no problem wearing it, so if I got inside you and be protected... or I could like pull it out, and go right all onto... your bosom. Or into your mouth. Whatever you want. I'll give you a pearl necklace, or I'll... feed it to ya.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' What do you want. What is it you desire.

'''Julie:''' Maybe just... to have it. Maybe just to eat it, I suppose. You did say it would taste like strawberries.

'''Chris:''' That's because I would have eaten a bunch of strawberries beforehand.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' So... mmm. There you go. [''retarded voice returns''] Huh huh... in the mouth![''normal''] You're enjoying that.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. And then we would pretty much... [[recycling|clean each other up in the bathroom]].

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm!

'''Chris:''' After that. Or we'd just hang around in the bed. W- W-

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other for a second or so'']

'''Julie:''' Excuse me for a second, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' [''Bored monotone''] I think... I'm coming.

'''Chris:''' Ho- ho boy!

'''Julie:''' Thank you so much Chris! That was a wonderful story. I hope that some day it will be a reality.

'''Chris:''' We'll soon see, won't we?

'''Julie:''' I hope so.

==== 01:04:58 Getting in Contact IRL ====

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Is it possible you could take a picture of yourself... and send it to me in a PlayStation Network... message?

'''Julie:''' I will try and get a camera, yes!

'''Chris:''' I like that. Oh, by the way, uhh... you do have my phone number right?

'''Julie:''' Uhhm- not yet, but I haven't been able to get hold of a phone, only at my current workplace. I was a- I was pretty desperate to find a place to live so I wasn't able to actually get a phone yet. But I would love to have it, so I can call it once I get to that point where... I can get one.

'''Chris:''' A'right well uh, you have uh... a pencil and paper?

'''Julie:''' Uh huh, I do.

'''Chris:''' A'right well you can call me on my cell, it's uh... 760-0848, area code 434.

'''Julie:''' One more time please?

'''Chris:''' I should uhh start from the beginning, it's uh, (434) 760-0848.

'''Julie:''' I- [''audio cut'']

'''Chris:''' Got that?

'''Julie:''' Uh huh, indeed I did.

'''Chris:''' A'right, read that back to me.

'''Julie:''' A'right. [''pause''] (434) 760-088- sorry. (434), 76...0-084...8.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's right.

'''Julie:''' Good.

'''Chris:''' After you get your phone, let me know your number... uh uh- message on the PlayStation Network at work-

'''Julie:''' A'right-

'''Chris:''' -or whenever we talk in private, and then I'll know it's your phone number.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm! I'll try get a phone soon.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Good. Mmm. And uh- you know what? You made me feel good, even though I [''Windows beeping in the background''] didn't [[Chris Loses It|lose it]] right away, you made me feel good.

'''Julie:''' Hmm! I'm happy.

'''Chris:''' I'm happy I made you feel wonderful... as well.

'''Julie:''' Hmm, you did.

'''Chris:''' I think it'll be better... when we're actually better in person.

'''Julie:''' It will.

'''Chris:''' You know what? I'm imagining myself leaning towards you, and my forehead's touching your forehead...

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' ... and we're looking at each other eye to eye...

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Mmm. [''pause''] And then what happens?

'''Chris:''' [''snorts, pause''] I dunno, we just... be emotional and then... and then we make out some more. [''laughs'']

'''Julie:''' I look forward to it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, let's be emotional in person, together, when it gets to that point.

==== 01:08:06 Julie AFKs Out, Some Trolls Laugh ====

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''pause''] I'll be right back, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Okay, me too.

'''Julie:''' A'right.

[''Sound of random junk being moved'']

'''Julie:''' Umuhh- I'll be back in about five minutes.

'''Basement Rosechu:''' In addition, this partnership is a better [''inaudible''] ability, will allow you to [''inaudible''] for any reason. We are a rapidly changing market, and under- [''Presumably, Chris tracks down the escaped rodent and murders her'']

[''Ominous silence'']

'''Troll:''' [''faint''] Oh... god...! ...Huhuh... [''This is presumably the unknown dude who appears later in the chat'']

[''Sound of typing'']

[''Silence'']

[''Giggling and slapping of thighs in the background'']

'''Troll:''' [''faint''] What the... fuck.

==== 01:09:42 Julie Returns, Chris's Parents ====

'''Julie:''' Chris?

'''Chris:''' Ahh- hang on a second, I gotta put my earphones back on. [''pause''] Okay, so you were say-

'''Julie:''' If I may ask?

'''Chris:''' Sorry, what?

'''Julie:''' Um-

'''Chris:''' Oh, you-y-y-

'''Julie:''' -would your parents mind?

'''Chris:''' My parents mind what?

'''Julie:''' If I came over to your house and we did the business? [''pause''] Would they mind? Would they be okay with it? I hope so.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, I think they're- I think they're- they're cool.

'''Julie:''' I would love to meet your father and mother.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. And I- and I would- Imma let them know about you as well. They're looking forward to meeting you as well. You know, in introduction.

'''Julie:''' Mmm? Can you say that again?

'''Chris:''' Mmm?

'''Julie:''' I didn't hear you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. I said um- I'll tell- I'd talk to my mother, and let her know about uh you, and after you come over I'll be only too glad to uh, introduce you to [[Cole|the whole family]].

'''Julie:''' I'm happy to see that- to hear that.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' So Chris, mostly I've been talking about- mostly I've like been starting to talk... is there anything I can talk about? Anything I can answer for you?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Uhh, nothing comes to my mind right now, it's- it's pretty much... blank, you know? Hmm.

==== 01:11:34 The Future ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm, a'right. [''pause''] Hey Chris, how do you think your future will be like?

'''Chris:''' H-How do I think my future will be like?

'''Julie:''' Yes! Either yours or mine and yours.

'''Chris:''' Well uh you know, you know, for me at least you know, eventually, I would be married and... have my daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].

'''Julie:''' Hopefully you can be married to me, and I can be the mother. [''pause''] Chris, I would gladly be the mother to Crystal. Gladly.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Good. Unngh.

'''Julie:''' Would I be a housewife, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Hmm- we'll see, but uh, I was kinda hoping to be the house husband.

'''Julie:''' But I'm very good with [[sonee|children]]... and I can cook.. I can clean very well, too.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, we'll see what- we'll see what happens when the time- when the time is right, you know?

'''Julie:''' A'right. Do you think in the event that we- in the event that we do decide that I am the house... wife... maybe you could get a job? What job would you like to have? That's a good question, I would like to ask you.

'''Chris:''' Uhhm, I'm not certain... but at least you know, you're promising, 'cuz, you know, you're thinking that doctor's a good job...

'''Julie:''' Wait Chris, what about your CADD degrees? You could get a job with that, can't you?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... probably, but uh, not really sure at the moment.

'''Julie:''' Cuz Chris, the thing is, I really don't have an American high school diploma, I can't work.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' I'm gonna *try* to get doctor, but it's not gonna be easy, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya'. Hmm. Oh, I will definitely give the question some thought. Plenty of thought.

==== 01:13:58 Julie Tries To White-Knight Chris ====

'''Julie:''' Also, I'm really happy- I was looking at- I was looking at the Internet, I was happy to find out that there are a lot of things I can get online that I wasn't able to find in the Molvanîan stores. I was able to... I'd like to set up something called a PayPal, have you heard of it?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. It's pretty good! Maybe-

'''Chris:''' -Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I think I'll get one.

'''Chris:''' Uhh... I usually use Paypal for like, uh... paying or... receiving money for goods I sell on eBay.

'''Julie:''' I didn't realize you sold things on eBay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I did.

[''Julie and Chris talk over each other'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh, just various things I didn't need anymore. But it's like you know, it costs money to list- it costs money to list on eBay, and you would have to have a bank account linked to the PayPal account...

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' But it's like you know- knows, it- so then it knows, so they know where to send the money to or take the money from.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I thought of something that might be able to get you money.

'''Chris:''' Hmm?

'''Julie:''' Hey- what if you advertised Sonichu? And, it would gain popularity, and you could sell merchandise... you wouldn't need [[Miyamoto saga|Nintendo]], you could just sell it!

'''Chris:''' Mmm... I don't know about that, uhhm-

'''Julie:''' I think it's a good idea, you really should advertise. Like, in your neighborhood. Maybe in [[Ruckersville]].

'''Chris:''' Umm... I'll give that some thought. I'll give that some thought. [''pause''] I'm not making any promises, I'm not making any promises, but I will gi- I will definitely... greatly consider it.

'''Julie:''' Could I consider something, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Julie:''' Maybe- you could go outside, do a meet-and-greet. Just walk around Ruckersville and meet a lot of people. Say- just be nice to them and tell them about Sonichu, the popularity will indeed grow.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That's something-

'''Julie:''' They'll tell their friends.

'''Chris:''' That's something that... in addition... I can think about.

'''Julie:''' I really hope you do, cuz', I really wanna see Sonichu become a main brand- maybe even a video game to come out, something I can play on my PS3. It would be wonderful.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. But you know what's uhh- more wonderful? Or what will be more wonderful?

'''Julie:''' What? What?

'''Chris:''' You being here.

'''Julie:''' I would hope that too. Sadly, the economy is not letting that happen easily. I've said before, I'm tr-

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' -trying very, very hard to get over there.

'''Chris:''' And your efforts will be greatly rewarded when you come.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I... since. Hmm. I figure you should try and do something. You need to prove to Nintendo that Sonichu is a great idea. I know that as far as what I've heard, they aren't exactly-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, actually... they agreed- they uh, they did, uh, you've heard- they've acknowledged that it is a great idea, but because I was unable to uh make the trip, because I could not afford it- afford the trip- said trip myself, to uh Redmond from Virginia, I mean, even on an airplane, or even in- or even on a- road trip...

==== 01:17:49 Julie's Redmond Plan ====

'''Julie:''' Well Chris, I have like- a step by step plan on what you can do. You can save up for a couple of months, step one. Step two, reserve a cheap airline ticket that can get you to Redmond. Second, bring a trusted friend along- maybe you can get a-hold of [[Cole Smithey]], perhaps?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, I-I-

'''Julie:''' Are you still in touch with him?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...

'''Julie:''' Maybe you could bring... Hmm- you could bring your [[Bob|father]]? Maybe he could help. I've heard he's... he's got [''inaudible''] expertise.

'''Chris:''' [''mumbles''] Mmm maybe my [[Snorlax|mother]]... erm. Or you know, here's a thought... I could bring you.

'''Julie:''' Weeell, I think we could try that, but I-I don't think it'll be in the near future if we try that...

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' But by all means...

'''Chris:''' It's uh, gonna be a while before we can uh, save up enough money to uh, actually... save up e- save up like... $800 for like a pair of tickets.

'''Julie:''' I don't think it'll be $800... I think it'll be something... maybe like $500? I'm not sure? But- I'm not positive...

'''Chris:''' Well, time will tell.

'''Julie:''' Well, a couple of months and... you know. You can get there. They'll reimburse you, so it won't be a big loss- maybe-

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' -maybe you can get Sonichu made. You have to assert yourself, as I've said before.

==== 01:19:22 More On Nintendo ====

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it's also- but it's also like you know uh, I thought, I thought yeah- pretty much uh, [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] uh, pretty much gave me a pretty much- a very aggressive talk down to about... the project's cancellation.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. Though Reggie is... the big cheese of Nintendo, you should try-

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' -You should try... showing to Reggie that... you are just as capable... as anyone else at Nintendo.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. No I've made-

'''Julie:''' -Show 'em you can... show 'em you can, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUTl1vEG62Q as Reggie once said at E3 I believe? Show 'em you can kick arse and take names.]

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. But I gotta be able to afford the trip first. Then I can show it- then I can show it to him. And uh, after you get here, you can help me with that.

'''Julie:''' I would love to help you with Sonichu. The game. I would love to help you. I honestly would.

'''Chris:''' And you know what else- and you know what else you can help me with in addition to that?

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' [[sweetheart from the ground up|You can keep me emotionally sound... and secure.]]

'''Julie:''' I will, I promise I will.

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh, you know, I- [[BlueSpike|I like your voice]].

'''Julie:''' Ch-Chris. Maybe you should try writing a game design document. Like, all your plans for the game...

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' -every plan for the game?

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' -planning things out.

'''Chris:''' I have uhh some... story I- I have some ideas for stories and unlock-ables already... typed up.

'''Julie:''' Well if-if you-if you could type it up or just send it to me, maybe ref-refine it a bit, maybe... send it to me- maybe I can try and...

'''Chris:''' -yeah well it's not complete, well I mean I still have other story details to figure out. But-

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' It's still gonna be a while... for probably even that. And those ideas will be- pretty much will be translated into comics beyond [[Sonichu 10|book number ten]].

==== 01:21:40 About The Next Comic ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm. Oh, that's another question- can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' About the next comic... do you think it'll take as long as the last one, or do you think it'll get here sooner?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Urgh, we'll see. Depends on how I feel.

'''Julie:''' I'll do everything in my power to help you.

[''sound of Windows beeping in the background'']

'''Chris:''' And I'll... greatly appreciate that.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. I should go, uhh... collect my thoughts about everything that we talked about, and... just go and give everything we talked about great consideration... and uh, big deal of thought.

'''Julie:''' A'right. Hey Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Do you think you can come back here tomorrow for another private chat? I'd enjoy it if you could.

==== 01:22:48 From Behind The Mirror, Clyde Returns! ====

'''Clyde:''' Wow, I've been here the entire time... heh heh heh... under [[Vivian Gee|my cousin's name]], of course. *tsk* And by the way, Julie- how'd you enjoy that Salesman-

'''Julie:''' Clyde, get out of here, you jerk!

'''Clyde:''' How did you enjoy that salesman?

'''Julie:''' How do you- how did you know?

'''Clyde:''' Guess who that was... [''whisper''] Guess who that was...!

'''Chris:''' Get outta here you jerk!

'''Julie:''' It's a troll! ...who was it?

'''Clyde:''' It was me! C'mon I was in- arrg, God, you irritate me sometimes! And next time... I'll bring my [[Megatron pistol|gun]].

'''Julie:''' [''whimpering''] Chris, I'm scared!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone!

'''Clyde:''' You're all the way over there, what are you gonna do?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[Patti|I'll haunt your dreams]].

'''Clyde:''' I don't sleep.

'''Chris:''' I'll haunt you in your sleep.

'''Clyde:''' I don't... sleep.

'''Chris:''' I'll haunt you at your every waking moment... in your- in the deep crevasses of your mind.

'''Clyde:''' That's all you're going to do? Do you want me to just kill Julie and say-

'''Julie:''' -Chris...!

'''Clyde:''' -I'll just haunt you in your dreams? [''cackles maniacally'']

'''Julie:''' [''sounding terrified''] He's gonna kill me Chris, help! Do something, please!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone, you bastard.

'''Clyde:''' That's not gonna make me do anything. That's not gonna make me do anything.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Watch out-

'''Clyde:''' Are you going to run, Chris?

[''Julie begins crying and babbling in terror in the background'']

'''Clyde:''' That'll show me. Run away, run away! That'll do it!

'''Chris:''' I'm not running.

'''Clyde:''' What are you gonna do, Chris. What are you gonna do.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Chris? I'm worried...

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] I will be by your- I will always be by your side, Julie.

[''Clyde and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Clyde:''' You can't even make the trip to *Redmond*... You can't even make that trip!

'''Julie:''' He knows where I live- he has a gun- he's gonna kill me!

[''They stop'']

'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm worried for my life, you have to do something...! You said you'd protect me...!

'''Chris:''' I have God by my side.

'''Clyde:''' [''chuckles''] There is no God, Chris. What are you going to do?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'll pray for Julie's safety. And I'll pray for you to... leave her alone. Ow. I'll definitely-

[''Julie whimpers and sobs in the background'']

'''Clyde:''' Praying... will do nothing, Chris. You couldn't even protect Sarah-! What makes you think you can protect Julie?

'''Chris:''' I'm offering... praying... is my way- is one way of offering... hope.

'''Clyde:''' Hope. Obama- and that will do nothing!-

'''Chris:''' -and piece of mind-

'''Clyde:''' -that will do nothing! ...maybe I should-

'''Chris:''' -it will-

'''Clyde:''' -just show up at her doorstep again.

[''pause'']

==== 01:25:40 Clyde and Chris Argue ====

'''Chris:''' Get outta here ya' bastard.

'''Clyde:''' That's all you're gonna say, g-

'''Julie:''' -Chris!

'''Clyde:''' -et outta here, y-you're not going to protect Julie.

'''Chris:''' I'm prot-

'''Julie:''' -Chris!

'''Clyde:''' Well I can see she- worth-

'''Chris:''' I am here. I will protect Julie.

'''Clyde:''' How?

'''Chris:''' You leave- you leave- you leave her alone.

'''Clyde:''' Your words do nothing. You haven't taken action in your life, have you?

'''Chris:''' I have taken more action than you have taken... anything.

'''Clyde:''' That didn't even make sense- when's the last time you been outside your house?

'''Chris:''' -terday.

'''Clyde:''' Doing what? Doing WHAT? At McDonald's? Buying your- whatever-

'''Julie:''' He was getting something for his mother, you JERK- something you probably never... did!

'''Chris:''' Yes, I was getting my mother a cup of coffee.

[''Clyde bursts into hysterical, maniacal laughter'']

'''Clyde:''' Ooooh my God, and tell me, tell me-

[''Chris and Clyde talk over each other- Clyde is inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Well laugh now you bastard, but God will strike down, and smite thee.

'''Clyde:''' Smite me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Clyde:''' Okay, okay. Tell me what's the most... action thing you've ever done. I ran away from home, living on the streets and living in below-zero temperatures. What have you done, Chris?

[''Extremely long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have stood up...

[''Chris and Clyde talk over each other again; again, Chris wins and Clyde can't be heard until the end'']

'''Chris:''' -for my friends. And myself.

'''Clyde:''' Like [[Megan]], am I right? Am I right?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' You are only... a single, solitary soul. With only as much power as the next one. You are only- you are only trying to talk down to me... and scare... me... and Julie, because you yourself are-

'''Julie:''' -he IS scaring me!

'''Clyde:''' Yes, and you totally protected S-Sarah, didn't you?

'''Julie:''' [''frightened''] Chris, he knows where I live! He says he's gonna kill me! He has-

'''Clyde:''' Of course I know where you live.

[''pause'']

==== 01:28:03 Chris Stands Up To Clyde ====

'''Chris:''' All you're trying to do is just... make yourself- all you're trying to do is- trying to up yourself... make yourself feel superior, when clearly you are not.

'''Clyde:''' Clearly I am. I mean, come on. You can't even... tell me- you said you would like... fight me or something, you said you would inflict pain- c'mon man, you can't even like, I don't know, I don't know, like, any. I'm a little tired right now. Huh. I'm lost for words. There's-There's is no way to describe how pathetic you are. There is no way describe how pathetic you are.

'''Chris:''' You know what? You calling me pathetic is calling yourself... pathetic. You're about as pathetic as you are describing me as pathetic.

'''Clyde:''' ...what.

'''Chris:''' You're the pathetic one. [''pause''] 'cuz you called me the pathetic one.

'''Clyde:''' Wow, you really are autistic, aren't you.

'''Chris:''' I may be high functioning autistic... but I know... the mindset of the majority of people individually. I have seen [''Windows beeping''] a lot... in my lifetime. I have seen so much. [''pause''] And you are trying to scare me... with your own... infe-with your own... inferiority... and [[slow in the minds|slow wit]].

'''Clyde:''' What do you mean, slow wit? You're the one with autism!

'''Chris:''' You probably suffer from your own mental innis [sic] or physical ailment, don't you.

'''Clyde:''' No, not really. I'm damn good looking. I'm pretty sure you'd be dead gay for me.

'''Chris:''' I bet you're on drugs, aren't you.

'''Julie:''' Chris would never [''inaudible, something about being gay''], you jerk!

'''Chris:''' -okay Julie. I will never be turned.

'''Julie:''' Yeah but Chris he knows where I live, I- mmm... I'm scared.

'''Clyde:''' I'll plan a visit tomorrow okay, Julie? I'll plan a visit tomorrow.

'''Julie:''' Noo...!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone!

==== 01:30:23 Russian Roulette ====

'''Julie:''' What are you gonna do? What are you going to do?

'''Clyde:''' I'm going to play Russian Roulette.

'''Julie:''' Ahh...! Chris!

'''Clyde:''' You know what that is? I put a bullet... in a gun. For a thrill thing. Let's just see if she has the... luck, of an honest and pure girl.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] You know what? You've played Russian Roulette with yourself... I bet. And you've always come out at a loss...

'''Clyde:''' If I lost I would be dead. Y-You know what Russian Roulette is, right?

'''Chris:''' [''Chris tries to be deep and meaningful''] Ooooh, not loss- as in, loss of life... but loss. As in loss- of emotion, of-

==== 01:31:18 Clyde Is Crazy ====

'''Clyde:''' Okay, you know what- forget the Russian Roulette game, I'm just gonna shoot her, how about that?

'''Julie:''' [''fake sounding cries''] Chris! Help! ...Clyde, I'm warning you. My brother has-

'''Clyde:''' What are you gonna do, Julie? What are you gonna do.

'''Chris:''' Dude. She has her brother... to defend her.

'''Clyde:''' Uhh- Her- I've seen her brother, he's pathetic, I could easily kick his arse.

'''Julie:''' I doubt it.

'''Clyde:''' Wait what is?

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, you clearly underestimate a whole lot of people. So many-

'''Clyde:''' Uhh, no I haven't. I easily got rid of [[Robert Simmons V|Robert Simmons]], and I easily got rid of Sarah. I can do the same... again and again... and again and again and again. [''pause''] And again.

'''Chris:''' [[death threats|You really are a psychopath.]]

'''Clyde:''' [[Wikipedia:The Dark Knight (film)|Why so serious?]]

'''Chris:''' You... need to be put in an institution.

'''Clyde:''' Hehe, more like you need to be put in an institution. Hehe. I mean, you're obviously delusional- you really believe... that you- that you can smite me- and that you can stop me, with your words... you really think that.

'''Chris:''' I don't just think that... but I am confident.

'''Clyde:''' You say that you know that- that's just confidence. I know that Julie will be DEAD tomorrow.

'''Chris:''' And I know... that you... are already dead inside.

'''Clyde:''' Yes, I've been dead inside for quite some time, you were right about something. But I'm still living... in this little body of mine... and I will take Julie's... tomorrow.

'''Julie:''' Noo...!

'''Chris:''' You will not.

'''Clyde:''' You're right, you're right, I won't. I'll just leave her... I don't know. I don't know what I'll do.

'''Julie:''' What are you gonna do!?

'''Clyde:''' -she's a nice woman, she deserves to live. You don't, Chris- you don't deserve to live.

'''Chris:''' A'right if you've got the guts to say that, why don't you come over to my house in Ruckersville Virginia, you bastard?

'''Clyde:''' Why should I? I'd be making the game too easy. And I... why don't you come to me?

'''Chris:''' Oh. I could easily come to you. But the question is, are you... are you, so called, brave enough to actually come to the man who you think you could take down easily... but you obviously fear so much.

'''Clyde:''' You know the point of me doing this is so that you come to me, you do know that right?[''pause''] What, are you going to hide behind your parents? Your mother and father will protect you- is that what's going to happen?

'''Chris:''' ...do not interrupt me, because I was at a trail of thought. [''pause''] Without me, your rage goes on without a point.

'''Clyde:''' W-Well yeah, that's the point. My rage will die when you die. That's... kind of the point.

'''Chris:''' And then what would you do?

'''Clyde:''' And then I could feel at peace.

==== 01:35:05 Clyde's Backstory... ====

'''Chris:''' You would feel at peace, huh. Yet I bet- that actually you could say the same thing about somebody else who probably has abused you in your lifetime.

'''Clyde:''' No.

'''Chris:''' You said you ran away from home.

'''Clyde:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Was it something- was it- did you run away from home because your mother, or your father, or maybe both of them... was- was uhh, abusing you?

'''Clyde:''' It was nothing like that, it was for a girl. That was a pretty bad lead in my opinion, but I've gotten over that. I'm here. And I want to do something terrible. I should write down my plan, right now.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

[''pause'']

'''Clyde:''' So what are you gonna do. Whatcha gonna do. [''long pause''] Nothing apparently.

'''Chris:''' No...! I am going to do something.

'''Clyde:''' Go to McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' Chris, you really need to do something, I'm scared!

[''long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm doing something Julie. I'm standing up for you.

'''Julie:''' Yes, but he knows where I live!

'''Clyde:''' I bet you can't even stand up, could you? Ha ha ha...

'''Chris:''' You just leave- you leave her alone. You let- you let- you let her live, you leave her... physically unharmed. Cuz, just as easily, I can call the police on you.

'''Clyde:''' A'right, do it. [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I will tell 'em the whole story. About you, and [[Ryan Cash|Ryan]], and uh- what you did... they can- they can and will find you.

'''Clyde:''' Well, a'right, look. My actual house is in Australia, a'right? But you're not gonna find anything there- you're just gonna find... woo. A bunch of weed I left back there, okay? I mean, you're gonna hide behind the police... and that's not gonna do anything because, you know, I am in America so- they aren't gonna do anything.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, let me ask you something. How could you afford... a trip to... Australia and back with every fare you could go quickly.

'''Clyde:''' It's called an inheritance. An inheritance. An inheritance.

'''Chris:''' You ran away from home, how did you inherit something?

'''Clyde:''' Of course, I'm not a stupid person. I made up with my parents before they mysteriously died for some reason.

'''Chris:''' I'm taking a [[Pocket knife|stab]] at this, but you killed them?

'''Clyde:''' No. They uh... carbon monoxide.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris sounds triumphant''] Carbon monoxide.

'''Clyde:''' It's some- ruhg. Look, never mind, you're too stupid to figure this out.

'''Chris:''' No, I am not stupid. I have- I have perfectly... understanding... what carbon monoxide is.

'''Clyde:''' Then what is it?

'''Chris:''' It's a poisonous gas.

'''Clyde:''' Where do you think that normally comes from? There's so many general- hehehe... accidental carbon monoxide poisonings.

'''Chris:''' [[autism|I can obviously tell because uh- you definitely killed them with your c- with the carbon monoxide, because you are putting so much emphasis on accidental.]] You can set it- you can set it- you have obviously set up something that would... LEAK. The carbon monoxide... and kill your parents. What did you have against your parents?

'''Clyde:''' Man you jump to conclusions... like a [[wikipedia:Office Space|jump to conclusions mat]]. You seriously need help, you autistic fuck.

'''Chris:''' Oh- *I'M* the one who jumps to conclusions? Well you jump to- you jump to conclusions of me being [[Chris and English|uncapable]] of doing anything.

==== 01:39:46 Chris Won't Leave His Filthy Shithole ====

'''Clyde:''' You are uncapable [sic] of doing anything, I know that. [''pause''] What, am I right? Am I right? Just admit it. [''pause''] Oh God- every single woman, you wanted them to come to your house, you wanted... Sarah to come to your house, you wanted Julie to come to your house, you are so lazy- why don't you leave your house? [[obesity|And drop a few pounds]].

'''Julie:''' God, stop it! That's enough!

'''Clyde:''' It's true isn't it, Julie, though? Is it true?

'''Julie:''' No it's not, you're lying, stop it!

'''Clyde:''' He is lazy. He's not going to come to you, you have to come to him- you have to sacrifice everything. He just sits at home and... you know... plays his PS3.

'''Julie:''' You're lying!

'''Clyde:''' -plays his PS3. Isn't that right?

'''Julie:''' Stop it!

'''Chris:''' Yes, you are lying.

'''Julie:''' Stop it!

'''Chris:''' Listen-

'''Clyde:''' -I'm right!

'''Julie:''' He IS lying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, listen. Listen Clyde- if I could, I would come to- come to Julie personally, I would. But I have a lot at stake here. I leave- if I leave my house... a-and I mean, I don't know Julie's address. I don't know where she is right now. A-An if I had... and if I had- if I uh, had the address, I would most definitely go to her because she is- [''incomprehensible stammering, stress sigh''] -she would be there... to accept me. And let me in.

'''Julie:''' Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' I know... I know that I said I would like you to come to me, but... I feel it would be better for you if I went to your house. That was my decision. I would... like to go to your place.

'''Chris:''' Thank you, Julie. I appreciate that but- I'm jus- I'm just letting you know...

'''Julie:''' Actually, Chris-

'''Clyde:''' NO. I will never-

'''Julie:''' This is actually a very hard choice-

'''Clyde:''' No... Julie, I'm not going to let you-

'''Julie:''' ...this is actually a choice...

'''Clyde:''' -never going to let you leave.

'''Julie:''' CLYDE! Fine.

'''Chris:''' SHUT THE FUCK UP.

'''Clyde:''' No. I won't.

'''Julie:''' Chris... I need to think about this. I will think about this. Who's going to go where.

'''Clyde:''' You can't think while you're dead, you know that right?

'''Julie:''' This is... this is a somewhat hard choice for me to make, Chris. But I assure you- something will be done.

'''Clyde:''' You're going to let them [''inaudible''], let them walk out, sacrifice her safety... just for you? Ooooh- you ARE pathetic man, you know that, right?

[''sound of random junk bumping around, an occasional stress sigh, long pause'']

==== 01:42:56 More Insults ====

'''Chris:''' I tell you what. You, Clyde... are so small.

'''Clyde:''' More insults. That's going to stop me. You're gonna hurt my feelings so much I'm just... stay inside my hotel, and-

'''Chris:''' I don't have-

[''Chris, Julie and Clyde talk over each other- only Chris is audible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't have- I don't have-

'''Julie:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' I don't have to hurt your feel-

'''Julie:''' What do you think about what I said? Do you agree with what I said Chris?

'''Chris:''' Y-yeah. I-I hear you, Julie.

'''Julie:''' Thank you.

'''Chris:''' Y-yeah. Anyway. You are small... [''stress sigh''] You think you can talk down... to anybody. You feel superior. When clearly, you are not. So therefore, you are definitely the small one in this room.

'''Clyde:''' Why am I pathetic? That I actually went out the world, saw everything...

'''Chris:''' I-It's because-

'''Clyde:''' -instead of playing my PS3.

'''Chris:''' Because you stooped so low... to try and hurt other people, to try and make yourself feel better. That... is pathetic. Thinking that... hurting others... will compensate for anything, for the better, when clearly it does not.

'''Troll:''' [''whisper''] AOmm....

==== 01:44:23 Chris Tries To Monologue Clyde To Death ====

'''Chris:''' All it does is just... [''whisper''] hurts... [''normal''] the other people, and it hurts yourself further... because... you hurt... others, against God's will, and you can only... try to tone that pain down... with your own self abuse... in your- with your- in your own... weed... and whatnot. That- that's just sad. You have my PITY. [''pause''] You have my pity, Clyde. And I'm sorry that- I'm sorry that Ryan... committed suicide over the one mistake I made in protest of that ED page... but you do not need to harm anybody, you do not need to kill anybody, because all that will do is just hurt yourself further. Because after your- after your supposedly... you supposedly did this revenge act, then what would you do? You don't- you don't know. But you say yourself, that you will be at peace-

'''Clyde:''' Exactly! That- that's my goal, to be at peace!

'''Chris:''' But does it really... fulfill... your emotional needs-

'''Clyde:''' Yeah. Yeah, it does. It really does.

'''Chris:''' It does- it will not. [[death threats|Harming others does not accomplish anything.]]

'''Clyde:''' Chris, you know all about harming others. You harm people every day. Your parents have to support you, every single day, they hurt inside. They hurt so much.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I know they hurt. And I feel their pain.

'''Clyde:''' You are the CAUSE of their pain. They probably regret birthing you every single day.

'''Chris:''' They do not. They appreciate it. They appreciate every moment. They have put so much time and effort in me- transforming me from... a mental nu- a mental case... to a- to a social pers- to a social butterfly... who can do s- who can do so much more than any other low-functioning autistic person can ever do. And for one thing? If they had not raised me the way they did, I would not be on the Internet, talking to... [[trolls|all the people]] I have been talking to. [[Chris and his ego|I am a warrior in my own rights]] and my own personality.

'''Clyde:''' So that's why your parents got you that [[abusive babysitter|babysitter]]... to GIVE you your autism in the first place, isn't it?

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Clyde, I think that's enough.

'''Clyde:''' No, I want him to answer this.

'''Chris:''' It's okay Julie. They did not know better about the babysitter. How could they?

'''Clyde:''' Alright.

'''Chris:''' Nobody but- It's not like uh, they knew the mindset of the babysitter. Nobody knows the mindset of any individual right off the bat. They have to get to- They have to actually take a little time to see inside them for how good or bad a person they are. And that takes a lot of time and energy. And my mother and father, in my lifetime, saw so much good in me, and all- I have been- and all I have shown for them was a lot of- was a lot of equal good. Some mistakes were made, yes. And I will not deny it, but I appreciate my mother and father, every day of my life. Because without them, I would not be a mainstream socially acceptable kind of man that I am today.

'''Clyde:''' Let me tell you, let me ask you something from your brother, uhh, [[Cole Smithey]], I believe.

'''Chris:''' Half.

'''Clyde:''' He said your parents, Bob and Barbara, met at a bar. And they concepted you out of a drunken stupor.

'''Chris:''' What.

'''Clyde:''' Your parents birthed you because they were drunk. They didn't know what they were doing.

'''Chris:''' They were not-

'''Clyde:''' gave birth to a failure like you.

'''Chris:''' Listen, they were not drunk. They were-

'''Clyde:''' Ask them about it. Cole Smithey told you years ago to ask them about it but you never did, did you? Why don't you go ask them?

==== 01:49:20 Sex in the City, you Faggot ====

'''Chris:''' You listen to me. Drunk or not, they had me. At an old age where my mother was so close to menopause and my father was a senior citizen. It- I was truly a miracle. It's like, I'm just like a man with only one ball and a woman with only one ovary. Which by the way, I picked that up from an episode of [[Homos|Sex in the City]].

'''Clyde:''' Wuh- that's nice that you watch Sex in the City. You faggot. Anyway, ahhh-

'''Chris:''' Anyway-

'''Clyde:''' Sex in the City is for girls, you do know that right?

'''Chris:''' I feel that- that shows that are supposedly aimed for girls are- are best- are best set for- are best viewable by those of both genders. Because men can attribute very well- very- in a positive way emotionally from such emotionally enriching programs. And also, less wars would be caused if men were more emotionally [''audio break''] -iked as such- more emotionally caring and understanding. Like women are.

==== 01:50:51 War! ====

'''Clyde:''' You do know wars have been caused for political reasons, not because men don't care. It's not about “ease of mental understanding feelings”, it's because of political gain. Power and corruption. What is wrong with you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Those people who have fought for power are clearly, were clearly not very well off themselves because they had to hide behind power themselves. So many people hid behind- hide behind one thing or another. I don't have to hide behind anything to prove myself. Anything or anyone.

[''Julie makes moaning noises in the background as Chris talks'']

'''Clyde:''' You do know that uh, even Hitler had a girlfriend?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I have heard that.

==== 01:51:53 Chris sucks ====

'''Clyde:''' My god Chris. Do you not understand? You are pathetic. Completely pathetic. Apparently- I'm surprised you managed to get three women interested in you. And yet you're not going to do anything. Come on Julie. If you stick with this man you will be making the worst mistake of your life.

'''Chris:''' Wu- well-

'''Julie:''' That's not true!

'''Clyde:''' Name three redeeming qualities that Chris has.

'''Julie:''' There are too many to name! There are so many, I would have to make a lot of paragraphs all about them. And every quality he has is why I like him. And love him. So step off.

'''Clyde:''' Okay, Chris, let me tell you something. Where do you think Autism comes from?

'''Chris:''' Scientifically speaking it has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious''] Then why do you say a babysitter did it?! That's not drugs or uh, whatever the other thing you said. Genetics!

'''Chris:''' The ba- ba- stop. The babysitter locked me in a room by myself. Without anybody else to play with or socially interact with. That's just, that's just a real-life event that brought out the uh, curse that was buried within me. From the genetics, or the uh, medication.

'''Clyde:''' Stop lying to me. You don't have autism, you're just using it as an excuse to blame all your problems.

'''Chris:''' I have- I have [[Autism papers|medical papers]] I have, that prove- that prove that I was- that I did have autism. That's-

'''Clyde:''' [''interrupting''] That was in the [[1980s]]. Get a REAL diagnosis!

==== 01:53:57 Suddenly Chris loses the plot ====

'''Chris:''' My first word- I said my first word when I was two weeks old.

'''Clyde:''' Impossible. No man can learn a language that fast.

'''Chris:''' Believe it or not, I was in my mother's arms, and there was a woman witness aside from my mother, and I said “monkey”.

'''Clyde:''' [''laughing''] Are you sure you didn't say “McDonald's”?

'''Chris:''' I was trying to say mommy, but instead I said monkey.

'''Clyde:''' Okay. If you get a real diagnosis, like now, you know what they'll call you? They'll just call you an idiot. Cuz that's what you are. You don't have autism, don't blame it on that.

'''Chris:''' You're right. I don't have to blame everything on autism. But I am and was- I was at least. And I am a man, and I have recovered beyond- from beyond that. I have come out of my own autistic shell. And have- and have conquered so many boundaries that any low-functioning autistic person would only be too scared to leap over.

'''Clyde:''' [''Enraged''] They are not scared! What is wrong with you?! They have actual mental issues! You don't!

'''Chris:''' Right, they were inhibited. But I have conquered my inhibitions. You're right, I should not have to blame my autism. Because clearly I have conq- clearly I have overcome it.

'''Clyde:''' You didn't overcome anything. You were just lazy from the start. You didn't want to make friends, you just said “Oh they're gay, I don't want to be their friend”. You know high-functioning autism is a lie, it's a complete lie.

'''Chris:''' It may be a lie from your point of view,

'''Clyde:''' It's not a point of view, it's fact, it's fact.

'''Chris:''' Maybe from your point of view, but-

'''Clyde:''' I just said not point of view! It's a fact.

'''Chris:''' It may be. But it describes an origin.

==== 01:56:37 The terrible truth of High-Functioning Autism ====

'''Clyde:''' Look- look it up yourself! Look up high-functioning autism. Who actually agrees with it? No one! Only actual autism or that Asperger's thing, but no such thing as high-functioning autism. No such thing.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, pause'']

'''Clyde:''' As I said, get a real diagnosis! Now! And see what they say about you.

'''Chris:''' I may consider that.

'''Clyde:''' Don't consider it, do it. I want you to know the truth. Maybe then I won't hurt Julie. We'll make a deal. I won't hurt her if you just do my demands. And they're simple demands, not crazy stupid ones.

'''Julie:''' Chris, please.

'''Clyde:''' What's that Julie? You want him to do it?

'''Julie:''' I just want you to leave me alone Clyde!

'''Clyde:''' I will! If Chris does what I ask.

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will see- I will look into getting a more updated diag- analysis of my autism.

'''Clyde:''' Chris, that means that I think you're gonna be lying again. And you know how much I hate lies.

'''Chris:''' Clyde, I tell you nothing but the truth.

'''Clyde:''' You have been lying this whole time.

'''Chris:''' Well, as far as my autism goes, we shall soon see. I will find somebody to test me, and we will soon see what it says on the paper.

'''Clyde:''' Okay. Look it up on Wikipedia. High-functioning autism, right now. I want you to look that up. Alright?

'''Chris:''' Fair enough.

'''Clyde:''' See the part were it says “Classification”? It's not a recognized diagnosis.

[''annoying loud clattering as Chris types'']

'''Chris:''' I'm typing it.

'''Clyde:''' -As said in the 1980s as a crazy voodoo economics blah blah blah. Okay? You get a real diagnosis. This to why. This it doesn't exist anymore, today's society.

'''Chris:''' Hmm, say that again?

'''Clyde:''' Read the part where it says classification. Read it. Read it to me. If you can read.

'''Chris:''' It says here it's not a recognized diagnosis in the DSM, oh, Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

'''Clyde:''' Exactly! It's not recognized.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Clyde:''' So do you know what that means Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''brief pause''] Give me a moment and I will answer that question. I wish to read further in this document.

'''Clyde:''' It's a simple sentence with simple comprehension! It's not a- it's not a recognized diagnosis. So what does that mean? That they diagnosed you with something that doesn't exist!

[''All quiet on the Weston front. Finally Chris speaks.'']

'''Chris:''' Alright. From this, from the one sentence, in this said I was never with a mental block.

'''Clyde:''' Exactly. You never had a mental block.

'''Chris:''' Fine. I agree.

'''Clyde:''' Now why do you blame everything on your autism when you don't have it? What was really stopping you Chris?

[''Very long pause, approximately fifty seconds. Occasional typing in the background.'']

'''Clyde:''' Maybe you should... make a video... to your so-called fans. Maybe that'll help you stop me. You think that'll stop me? No, it won't.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. A'right, so what- so to answer your question... the only thing that was stopping- the only thing that was stopping me from... this, was... because I was- I was- I was less able to... interpret non-verbal cues.

'''Clyde:''' W-W-What are you talking about. Look, I mean, come on man- you're 26 years old, you live with your parents, and now you don't have this mental block- what are you gonna blame it on? You can't get it- you don't have a job, I-I-even if you were given all the money in the world, you wouldn't be able to figure out how to rent an apartment. You wouldn't even know how to cook, you don't know how to clean, you are a pathetic excuse for a man.

=== 02:03:09 Chris is Educated On Cooking, Living in Filth ===

'''Chris:''' Sir! I will have you know that in high school I took two home economics classes, so I am very well educated- so I am educated on cooking. And, I have been cleaning... a whole bunch of [[chandler cats|cat poo]]. As well as some cat pee. And recently, when I overflowed a commode I had to clean some of the wat- a little bit of the water that ha- that was on the floor, with 409 and paper towels. Aaand I am capable-

[''Clyde appears to have some kind of laughter based seizure in the background'']

'''Chris:''' I am capable of loading the washing- the uh, washing machine, with clothes of a white- or a [[niggos|colored]]... and put in some laundry d- and put in some laundry detergent from... a single [[fapcup|cup]]... out of a whole box, close the lid, and start the washing machine. And then transfer everything to the drier... and start the drier. And also I am capable of loading the dishwasher... with the dishes... on the bottom and the cups- and the cups and the mugs on the top rack... putting some powdered detergent in there... and starting the dishwasher. I am also capable of uh... using of a- hand washing the uh dishes, the cloth- the wash- the- the dish cloths and such... I am also capable of uh, taking the garbage bags out of the garbage can... and putting an empty garbage bag into the garbage can... and taking the garbage- taking the garbage bag... taking the bags full of garbage up to the top of the hill, to be burned in the barrel. And also, the cans will be- will be- will be in the c- will be in the bags, and they go to the [[recycling]] facility.

[''Chris seems very impressed with his remarkably mundane list of abilities'']

'''Clyde:''' Congratulations! You can do anything that a normal person can do. I con- [''sound of windows beeping in the background''] -[[Count Graduon|gradulate]] you. [''pause''] Lemme tell you something- you need two classes to tell you how to do that? God- you can't support yourself, you can't- you can't support a family. God you make me so angry.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Tell me, why do I make you angry?

'''Clyde:''' Because you are a pathetic excuse for a man. And I'm trying to protect these women, with, you know, whatever I have to do to get them away from you. That is why Sarah is no longer talking to you. I have convinced her that you are a pathetic excuse for a man, you can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Clyde:''' And so far you haven't proven otherwise- you still live with your parents, you still don't have a job, you failed to go to Nintendo- I mean God, that was a golden opportunity and you failed miserably. So what do you have to say to that.

[''pause'']

==== 02:06:22 Paging Mr Floyd, Your Wall Is Back ====

'''Chris:''' I did not have the money to... make the trip, but-

'''Clyde:''' Because you do not have a job.

'''Chris:''' No, because- no, it was because I was compulsive with spending. And I did not... have enough saved at the moment. But I am s- but I am saving-

'''Clyde:''' How much do you have m- how much money do you have saved at the moment? How much money do you have saved, from what you get from the government. That's it. If you had a job, you would have plenty of money to go. You know that $300 is... barely anything for someone with a job.

'''Chris:''' $300 dollars. You're thinking I get $300 a month...

'''Clyde:''' You would get well more than that if you HAD A JOB! [''Clyde sounds enraged'']

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I got news for you. I heard I'd get $800 a month.

'''Clyde:''' [''Clyde begins to crack''] God you- [''Windows beeping''] get- way more than $800 a month IF YOU HAD A JOOOOB.

[''pause'']
[[Image:wall.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Clyde is arguing against.]]
'''Chris:''' And it increases with every... year... on my birth month.

'''Clyde:''' You do realize that people make thousands more a month, with something called- [''deep intake of breath''] A JOOOOOOB!

'''Chris:''' I am aware of that. But I just do not feel... at the time... that I need to be... in a job, because, I am getting the money from the [[monthly tugboat|social security]]... and my fath- and my father's assured me that it's more than- that it's more than anyone can make... in a jooooob...

'''Clyde:''' Are you- are you- are you an IDIOT!? You could EASILY make more than $800 a month with a JOOOOOB. Look- I'm pretty sure you could make more on minimum wage!

'''Chris:''' Well that's just, pretty much, shows what you know. Have you ever had a job?

'''Clyde:''' Of course. I've had [sic] one right now. A driving job. Where I drive people around tonnes of places. Sure, gas is expensive, but I make more than enough. And I love driving, it's my favorite thing- [''Clyde's voice becomes stalkerish''] I love it so much.

'''Chris:''' I mean- lemme- lemme ask. Limo... or taxi?

'''Clyde:''' It's my own, personal, driving business.

'''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.

==== 02:08:44 Chris's Skills ====

'''Clyde:''' You can make your own job. If it's a service people want. Which is more than I can say for [''inaudible''], there's tons of people without cars. And I get get them places. So Chris- what are your skills? What can you do?

[''significant pause'']

'''Chris:''' Actually I'd say basically I'm... [[obesity|all-round]]. But you see, that's a problem- I have too many... skills that I am good at. You might say-

'''Clyde:''' [''Clyde seems naturally incredulous and angry''] If you're so good at them, then get a job in ANY ONE of those skills. C'mon!

'''Chris:''' You might- you might say I'm a jack of all trades... and master of none.

'''Clyde:''' Then get something with minimum wage- c'mon man, that is th- that is the worst excuse I've ever heard. [''Clyde adopts a mocking tone''] I'm too GOOOOD for all these things, I'm not gonna get a job! [''normal voice''] That is the worst excuse I've ever heard.

[''pause, large amount of background noise and static'']

'''Chris:''' I am cap- I am capable... and willing... to get a job... whenever I want to. But I just want to make sure that I have a job where I would feel... most comfortable- most comfortable... with [''Windows beeping''], where I would feel- where I would not feel that I was being... pigeoned-holed for my skills... and that I was making fu- that I was making good use of my uh- skills as well. And-

'''Clyde:''' No you don't.

'''Chris:''' And defin- and also... make enough- make if possible, over a thousand a month.

'''Clyde:''' You could easily make over a thousand a month. I mean, Christ man, you have two degrees in this CAAAAAAAAD thing, right?

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I have earned those, yes. It's-

'''Clyde:''' What have you done with those? What have you DONE.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I have designed the [[CWCville Shopping Mall|CWCville shopping center]].

'''Clyde:''' Show me. Show me this. Show me. I'd love to see it.

'''Chris:''' It would take a whole bunch of scanning.

'''Clyde:''' You've got time. Send it to me. You know my e-mail- you know, GREGG MAYS- with three g's. And what else have you done with your degree?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have put more perspective into my artwork. And my creativity.

'''Clyde:''' What do you get from your artwork? NOTHING. You don't get money from your artwork.

'''Chris:''' Maybe not, but it was uh- but it is- it is something that is capable of... enjoying. At my own personal pace.

====02:11:41 Clyde Loses It ====

'''Clyde:''' No- I am also capable of enjoying blowjobs, okay? But doesn't mean- I CAN'T MAKE MONEY OFF THAT. [''pause, quietly''] In fact that costs me.[''normal''] But ANYWAY. [''dramatic''] What... can you do... that makes... MONEY. You are a PARASITE on America's teat [''inaudible'']. You just LEACH off the government, getting money that- those who- money just because you're autistic- WHICH YOU ARE NOT. You're just leaching off the government. [''pause''] People with actual jobs support your lazy arse.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I am capable of... standing up... and supporting myself, wh- when I am... when I am ready to. But I like to feel like I-

'''Clyde:''' [''exploding''] You're 26 years old, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT READY?!

'''Chris:''' I like to feel like I have a woman by- by my side to help me make sound decisions. [''digital sound in the background''] At the right time.

'''Clyde:''' Spoiler alert: you're never going to get a woman. [''pause''] You know what? You wouldn't even like it-

'''Julie:''' Yes he will! Me!

'''Clyde:''' Be quiet. I'm talking, Julie. I'm trying to tell you-

'''Julie:''' No!

'''Clyde:''' -how pathetic he is, you need to see what this man-

'''Julie:''' No! No!

'''Clyde:''' -is the worst mistake of your life!

'''Julie:''' You're a jerk!

'''Clyde:''' No- no. I'm trying to help him. You know my cousin [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]? She's been trying to help this fool... and guess what? Nothing has worked. [''Clyde stammers uncontrollably''] -get actual help. What have you done, Chris- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I... am seeing my pastoral counselor. [[Rocky Shoemaker]]... on a weekly basis.

'''Clyde:''' And how has she helped your life?

'''Chris:''' She is helping me grab a more s- stable, s-sense in my mind, and capable of uh understanding... [''another, identical digital sound''] p-pieces of my... pieces... around here and there.

'''Clyde:''' That doesn't make SENSE! See an ACTUAL psychologist.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well. She may- she is- she may not have a degree in psychology, but I feel that her work is greatly... greater that w-w-w-wait a minute, lemme rephrase that. [''muttering''] Gimme a moment... [''sharp intake of air, normal voice''] She is... wonderful. And... certainly more than any... $25 an hour-per-visit psychologist can do. And I have seen a $25 dollar an hour psychiatrist... Dr Price. I forgot his first name.

[''Chris confuses a psychologist, someone who simply counsels their patient, with a psychiatrist; someone who can provide the aforementioned council but may also prescribe powerful anti-psychotic and anti-convulsive medication. Reference: http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/f/psychologist.htm . It's interesting to wonder which one he actually saw, especially since the name of the doctor on his [[autism papers]] isn't Price, it's probably not the same doctor. As for the first name of the doctor who treated him, all signs point to [http://www.vitals.com/doctors/Dr_Douglas_B_Price.html Douglas].'']

'''Clyde:''' And what did this... Price guy... do?

'''Chris:''' When I was... when I was required by [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]... or more specifically, the real life [[Mary Lee Walsh]]... to uh, see Dr Price... he helped me sort out some [[chris and anger|anger management]] i- sort out some anger management issues I had... at that time. And also allowed me to- and also helped me... in... putting my sweetheart search in perspective. And how to improve on that... and I think uh, that from his help I was able to uh... more comfort- more comfortably at my own pace actually make some good- make a good- good number of gal-pals and then find uh, and then eventually find one that uh, would be my true sweetheart.

'''Julie:''' And it'll be me, Clyde. Don't you think otherwise you jerk!

[''pause'']

==== 02:15:34 Clyde Can't Beat The Wall ====

'''Clyde:''' [''stress sigh''] Uhgh... I've got nothing. I- I can't even begin to describe how pathetic you are.

'''Chris:''' You see-

'''Julie:''' He's rubber you're glue, everything you say bounces offa him and sticks to you.

'''Clyde:''' Chris used that insult a while ago. That- insults do nothing. I'm citing some real life things I know about Chris, and I'm using it against him, I mean- you say that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] is full of lies but every single thing on it is true. I know the people there. I know who [[Blanca]] is. [''whisper''] I know all these people. [''normal''] Yet you seem... urgh. You think that ED twists your words around- they're YOUR WORDS. People are just interpreting as such.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] Exactly. MIS-interpreting them.

==== 02:16:27 Chris Doesn't Know Why Megan Left ====

'''Clyde:''' They are YOUR WORDS. I mean, why do you think [[Megan]] left? Why do you think Megan left.

[''long pause'']
[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|Some of Chris's tender honesty.]]
'''Chris:''' I CAN answer that... and I am just try- and I am trying to think- and I am thinking... of a good way... to phrase it. In my own a- in my own honest and [[Chris and his ego|humble]] opinion. [''long pause''] Simply put I was... very- I was... emotional. And I tried to outreach- I tried to reach out for her in an emotional sense... with... tender- with [[Rape|tender honesty]]... and uh... a gentle... hand on the shoulder... apparently I got to close. And she felt uncomfortable, and she just forced me away.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious''] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|YOU DREW A PICTURE OF YOU HAVING SEX WITH HER.]] What is wrong with you!

'''Chris:''' That was... after the ED page, and I did that in protest against it.

'''Clyde:''' [''angry''] That doesn't even make sense! You drew that out of your... God, I don't even know- wanna think... sexual deviant. That is why Megan left you, because you are way too fucking creepy for her. She put up with you for [[Megan Saga|two years]] while you touched her and... GOD, I don't wanna think about it. So for two years she put up with you. And what do you do? You draw a picture of you having sex with her.

'''Chris:''' For your information, it's hard to tell, because... I had her- I had her eyes... censored. Just like you would see on any television... program. Of-

'''Clyde:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' -that sort.

[[Image:crumple-lope.jpg|thumb|right|The Crumple-lope, or as the State of Virginia will one day refer to it as, 'Exhibit A'. This is where the remains of Chris's horrible drawing presumably lie.]]
'''Clyde:''' You... told her. That it was her. She knew that it was you. It's just between you, and Megan- it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, that ED, no trolls, [''inaudible''] -have lost, whatever. It's between you and Megan. You screwed it up. You're the only one to blame.

'''Chris:''' Yes. I made the mistake. [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|I do not deny it]]. And I blame myself for uh, having drawn that picture. In fact... I have actually done it up into bits and pieces, and I have the pieces tucked away in a crumple-lope [''sic. Presumably he means envelope.'']. That one drawing.

'''Clyde:''' You know what? That's an improvement. That is something of an improvement. But that still doesn't make up for everything else you've done.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh''] I will not-

'''Clyde:''' Lemme tell you something. Why do you hate [[homos|gay people?]] You know [''voice goes to a whisper''] [[Vivian Gee|my cousin]] is the biggest... lesbian. [''normal voice''] So why do you hate them?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' That is... I just do. I have had the bad experiences, against... I forget his last name at the moment. But- he was the Principal at- Oh yes. Doctor Johnson of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary.]] The principal. He was a h- he was uh, the homo... that pretty much set me against... the homos and further kept me on the [[homo#fear of becoming a homo|straight path]]. And plus, if I was ever a ho- if I was ever- if I ever, if I were ever... had any attractions to the men, then I would be uh- more inclined to associate with them, but I have rarely associated with a man. I've felt more comfortable with the women. And-

[[File:Asperchu Principal Parody.JPG|thumb|right|After Chris told [[Alec]] about Principal Johnson, it was parodied in [[Asperchu]].]]

[''Clyde talks over Chris'']

'''Clyde:''' Chris, that is a lie. That is a lie.

==== 02:20:15 Chris Stacks Lies On Lies ====

'''Chris:''' I've felt more attracted... to...

'''Clyde:''' Chris, did you watch the Super Bowl?

'''Chris:''' I did not watch the Super Bowl.

'''Clyde:''' With your male friends- COME ON. Just because they're your friends doesn't mean it has to be GAY.

'''Chris:''' I guess-

'''Clyde:''' Just because one. Bad. Person. Just ruined it, doesn't mean every single person is bad. Just like Mary Lee Walsh is a terrible woman doesn't mean all women are bad, right?

'''Chris:''' I guess... [''pause''] Yes. I agree with you with that statement.

'''Clyde:''' [''annoyed''] So why do you hate them so much?

'''Chris:''' I never really said... that I hated them. That is another misinterpretation-

'''Clyde:''' [''explodes''] YES YOU DID, [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|YOU SAID IT IN YOUR VIDEOS]], DON'T LIE TO ME! ...lies.

'''Chris:''' Okay well, okay, I was misunderstood. I may have chosen a wrong choice of words.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious, quoting Chris''] ''I HATE THEM''. HOW... ELSE...! HOW CAN YOU MIS- DAAAAAAGOD! That is just BLATANT HATRED. That is just blatant hatred.

'''Chris:''' It was obviou-

'''Clyde:''' Then why did you-

'''Chris:''' It was obviously misplaced rage.

'''Clyde:''' For a thing that happened to you years ago.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Clyde:''' You can't blame- you blame that principle all you want, I agree with you on that. If they feed you something terrible, then that's fine. But way you can hate EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

'''Chris:''' You are right! I do not hate every single... person. I mean, I will respect... and only respect... my fellow maaan. And, pretty much acquaint to [''sic'']... only friends- only friends with a man. I am willing to associate... with my- with my fellow man. [''pause''] But fo- but fortunately God has blessed me with a majority of [[Gal-pals|female friends]], to show me that... to show me how to get to [''sic''] more in touch with my emotions because... if you- if you notice in the definition of autism, defini- er- er-... [''stress sigh''] We have- we autistics have a lack... in the uh non-verbal... non-verbal communications and misinterpreting them... and with that we are unable-

'''Clyde:''' [''furious again''] I JUST SAID YOU WEREN'T AUTISTIC. You aren't! That is a lie! You're- [''Windows beeping''] blaming autism AGAIN.

'''Chris:''' I am not blaming my autism. I'm just describing... a couple of traits among the autistic people.

'''Clyde:''' Which you aren't. [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah w-w... autistic people also... have the inability-

'''Clyde:''' -which I just said you AREN'T. So why are you bringing it up?

[''The Wall keeps talking, simply ignoring Clyde'']

'''Chris:''' ...the inability to express their emotions... soundly. With- without understanding.

==== 02:23:23 Clyde Demands A Video ====

'''Clyde:''' A'right. Listen to me- I'll give you a two day reprieve. Just make a video to YouTube. Three minutes, [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|proclaiming your love for men. how gay you are]], and I'll give you a three day break. You try to save Julie. Well I guess [''inaudible''] or something. If you don't do it within the next-

'''Julie:''' Wait- wait!

'''Clyde:''' THREE hours... I will- w-well, we'll see Julie's funeral... in a few weeks, then. A'right? You understand me?

'''Julie:''' Oh god-!

'''Chris:''' -you shut up-

'''Julie:''' -oh GOD!

'''Chris:''' Clyde, you shut up. I'm straight.

[''Clyde, Julie and Chris all talk at once; this is all I can make out'']

'''Chris:''' I will never be-

'''Clyde:''' -make a video to YouTube, I will destroy your image.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I think he means it!

[''They stop talking over each other'']

'''Clyde:''' And if you don't do it? I will... I don't wanna kill Julie. Just... maybe just cut off an arm.

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone.

[''Julie begins to cry in the background'']

'''Julie:''' Chris, please, Chris, he knows where I live!

'''Clyde:''' Well-

'''Chris:''' You leave Julie alone. I am straight-

'''Julie:''' He's going to do it! He's going to do it!

'''Chris:''' -and I will never admit the opposite.

'''Clyde:''' So you're not gonna make that video.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Make another reasonable request.

'''Clyde:''' That is a pretty reasonable request. I mean-

'''Chris:''' You're asking me- you're asking me-

'''Clyde:''' -you can always [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|take it back with another video!]]

'''Chris:''' Well I- you are asking me to [[List of Chris's lies|lie]]. Right off the bat, you are asking me to make a false-

'''Julie:''' Chris! You can just remove it after he sees it, can't you? As long as he sees it, you can remove it!

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' I don't wanna lose my arm...!

'''Clyde:''' I'll take off a leg too, how about that?

'''Julie:''' Oh God...! Oh God Chris, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do- I'm scared!

'''Clyde:''' So what's it gonna be... your image, or your woman?

[''long pause, approximately seven seconds'']

==== 02:25:14 What's It Gonna Be? ====

'''Chris:''' My... image. I will... sacrifice that.

[''Chris retardedly misunderstands the question. He was being asked which he would SAVE, not which he would SACRIFICE. Clyde begins to laugh hysterically.'']

'''Clyde:''' So you're gonna- you're going to heeeh... let her lose her aaarm-

'''Chris:''' [''annoyed''] No, I said I would sacrifice-

'''Clyde:''' -oooh what the fuuuuck!

'''Chris:''' [''screaming''] SHUT UP! [''normal''] I'm sacrificing my image.

'''Clyde:''' Ahhh. Okay. I thought you were THAT pathetic, for just a second. But you're a little bit above pathetic. Which I haven't come up for a word for that yet. Okay- three hours. Three minutes. If I don't see it then, I'll make some plans. And I feeear-

'''Chris:''' Charles[''sic?'']- specifically what you want me to say in the video...

'''Clyde:''' You're gay. How much you love men. How loooong you've been closeted... you pretend you have all these gal-pals but they're only to disguise your true nature. You've always been born this way. And it's all you have to say. [''pause''] And you better do it.

'''Chris:''' And I have three hours to come up with a three minute video-

'''Clyde:''' Yes... that's my request.

'''Chris:''' -of that sense. Very well.

'''Clyde:''' Well... I appear that I'm going to be banned from this server soon.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Sorry, can you repeat that?

'''Clyde:''' I'm going to be banned from this server soon. I fear it. Well- tootles. [''inaudible''] -smoke.

==== 02:26:32 Clyde Vanishes In A Puff Of Smoke, Some Dude Appears ====

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Julie I will make the video. I will abide with his request.

'''Julie:''' Chris... I think you might have saved my life. I am eternally grateful.

'''Chris:''' I am willing to sacrifice [''beep''] anything for my woman.

'''Julie:''' If there's anything you want me to do... for you.

'''Dude:''' Is Clyde in here?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' He's gone.

'''Dude:''' Was he in here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dude:''' If he's ever in here again, um- just find me? I-I'm the admin of the server. So I can-

'''Chris:''' Y-Yeah, it's okay this time.

'''Dude:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' He just wants me to lie.

'''Dude:''' Wait, what?

'''Chris:''' He wants me to lie in a video.

'''Dude:''' Lie about what?

'''Chris:''' About my orientation.

'''Dude:''' That's terrible. Why would w-w- don't do it, Chris!

'''Chris:''' I have to.

'''Dude:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' For Julie.

'''Dude:''' That's admirable I guess. I know you're a good person, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I'd rather lose my- I'd rather lose my image than a woman who cares about me very much. [''pause''] And uh, Julie?

==== 02:27:49 Taping His First Time ====

'''Julie:''' Yes?

'''Chris:''' [[For Julie's Eyes Only|We can vi- we can videotape... I would like it if we could videotape our first time together.]]

'''Julie:''' I would like that too, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I'm- I mean like, you know, over a- over my [[PSEye|PlayStation Eye]], and over with uh- with uh- with uh the [[Pickle|worst parts]] cut out, uh- I can upload that and uh... we'll undo that.

'''Dude:''' I'll leave you alone.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. [''More Windows beeping, pause''] Undo the lie I would have to tell.

'''Julie:''' All right- yes. Where would you upload it, exactly? The video of our first time?

'''Chris:''' I would add it to where like uh- I would put it in a good sense where it would stay, where would stay on the YouTube.

[''Transcriber's note: Such a video would almost certainly be immediately removed for Terms of Service violations, not that Chris would ever be concerned about the rules and regulations of the various free services he uses.'']

'''Julie:''' ...okay.

'''Chris:''' Julie?

'''Julie:''' Yes?

'''Chris:''' I love you.

'''Julie:''' I love you too, Chris.

'''Chris:''' And also, inform your [[Max|brother]]. About what I am going to do for you.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' A'right. I'll talk to you later.

'''Julie:''' Okay Chris. Thank you.

[''Presumably, Chris leaves'']

==== 02:29:01 This Was A Triumph! ====

'''BlueSpike:''' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my-]

[The trolls laugh over the top of each other uncontrollably. BlueSpike continues to sing Still Alive, and soon, all of the trolls all join in.]

'''Dude:''' Holy...! Holy shit!

'''Troll:''' Holy fuck!

'''BlueSpike:''' -satisfaction! Aperture Sci-

'''Troll:''' -satisfaction!

'''Troll:''' He he he!

'''BlueSpike:''' -we do what we must, because, we can!

'''Troll:''' Haaaa haaaaa!

'''Troll:''' Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-

'''BlueSpike:''' -For the good of alll of us... for the ones who are dead!-

'''BlueSpike:''' -but there's no crying over every mistake-

'''Troll:''' .....................................every mistake-

'''BlueSpike:''' -you just keep on trying till you run out of-

'''Troll:''' -you just keep on trying till you run out of-

'''Troll:''' -you just keep- ha ha ha ha ha ha... out of-

[Tape runs out]

==Links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?631f5fk1q1llz8b Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 4|Mumble Chat 4]]|}}

Talk:Cole Smithey

2011-11-22T15:46:38Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Has Cole been contacted about Bob's death? */

==To do==
*Emails between him and Chris
*Photo
*Link to his movie review website

== retardaton must run in chris' maternal family ==

Cole [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cat_in_the_hat/ gave] the Cat in the Hat a good rating. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 20:08, 5 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Here's a proper link to what you're talking about: [http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2009/01/dr-seusss-the-cat-in-the-hat.html Cole's review].

Find the only positive review [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/marmaduke/ here] for Marmaduke. p.s. Bob rocks. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 12:43, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

== Legal Guardian? ==
i assume that he'll be watching chris after bob and barb die and the IRS takes the house, because Chris is too retarded/lazy to pay taxes---[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:00, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

nope when Bob and the snorlax dies he'll just live on the streets--[[User:HansAsperger.|HansAsperger.]] 14:36, 7 March 2011 (PST)[[userHansAsperer.]]04/52, 6 March 2011 (azt)

== shared traits ==

I recall reading somewhere that Chris was going prematurely bald. Idk if this is a trol comment or what, but look at Cole on Chris's 18th birthday. He himself is going bald, and Chris is the same age as he was during Chris 's birthday. So...I guess they have a little in common.--[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 03:30, 31 July 2009 (CEST)

Cole was 37, not 27. get your facts straight. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 02:11, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

== Wikipedia ==

How do we know this is actually Cole? Chris is popular, as is Cole, anyone could be impersonating him, just as there are people who pretend to be Bob, Snorlax, Alec, Clyde, etc. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:13, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
*Because people edit their own articles all the time. It's highly unlikely that an impersonator would be spamming links to Cole's reviews, and ''very'' likely that the genuine article is. Also, the article was edited by 68.174.85.191, an IP from Herndon, Virginia which also matches the User:Cole Smithey account. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 01:13, 24 February 2010 (UTC)
**Except, as pointed out in this article and on his personal website, Cole Smithey lives in Manhattan, not Herndon, Virginia. [[User:Yawning Squirtle|Yawning Squirtle]] 02:42, 24 February 2010 (UTC)
***Ah, oops. Still, I think that edits like [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Z_%28film%29&diff=prev&oldid=344566166 this] seem a little too intentional to be a fake. Dude's clearly spamming his own works to boost his ego. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 04:21, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

==dude!!!==
so i was looking up toy story criticism (i'm bored) and i found thissssss---
http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Meet-The-Only-Two-People-Who-Hate-Toy-Story-3-19118.html
i came back here to check and the pics match up, lol. --[[User:Hellion|masta beta alum]] 18:22, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
edit--i'm retarded....but yeah

==Whoever did it==
Whoever came up with "successful escapees from the Casa De Chandler", I salute you.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 07:21, 10 July 2011 (PDT)
*Do we even know if he lived in that house though? It's very possible they lived in a different house, we really don't have any idea when Bob and Barb bought their house.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:43, 12 July 2011 (PDT)

== Has Cole been contacted about Bob's death? ==
He did say "let me know when that fuck Bob drops", so... yeah. [[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 14:11, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
:If Cole Smithey dares to desecrate Bob's memory, he will be almost as deserving of trolls as Chris. --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 15:00, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
:: You guys sure are touchy about a dead racist, homophobic redneck. [[User:GUInterface|GUInterface]] 17:26, 24 September 2011 (PDT)
:: He did request to be informed, though. Is there a solid yes/no answer as to whether he's been contacted? ...Also, look at me, being two months late! [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] 07:46, 22 November 2011 (PST)

== youtube site ==

Does anyone think this is his real YouTube account?

http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey

== Unnecessary sections? ==

I'm not sure if we really need those section about Cole's previous acting gigs and the whole eBay shenanigan. It's doesn't seems to pertain to Chris in anyway other than that it pertains to his half brother. I would see the merit of such info in the article if Cole was as significant in Chris's life as Bob and Barb, but the way I see it Cole is a relatively minor figure in the tale of Chris-chan, even Megan is a more important character than him. I think those two sections should be removed from the article, though if anyone disagrees I'd like to read their opinions. - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] 11:40, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
:Yeah, you're right, it isn't totally relevant to Chris, but I just thought it would be interesting to have. I agree, it isn't terribly notable, Cole's eBay hijinks definitely don't deserve their own page, or a mentioning on the mentioning, but they fill in the void of info on Cole. Imo, it's no different from the irrelevant info on Chris's other families or his sweethearts' non-Chris-related "biographies." It's just a small section that gives a little info on Chris's half-brother, someone who's one of the more memorable family members, and I don't see how it will hurt the Wiki. Thanks.[[User:Barry|Barry]] 12:05, 1 October 2011 (PDT)

== Second time ==

This is the second time that we've deleted interesting, funny information about Cole because it has nothing to do with Chris. Are we really going to keep doing this? Are two tidbits of information going to destroy the CWCwiki? --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 11:43, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
:I'm a newbie, so maybe I fucked up. I tend to do that a lot. An article about it is too much, but I just don't see the harm in having extra info on Cole. If nothing else, it shows that both he and Chris have big egos. Maybe it's genetic? [[User:Barry|Barry]] 12:12, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
:::I was not flaming you, Barry. I am in '''support''' of your addition, as well as other information on Cole. I was trying to say that including the information on Cole should not be a big deal, but I can't argue against Wiki policy. --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 15:20, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
:See [[CWCki:CWCki is#CWCki is about Chris|this]]. The info which was removed from the article is not line with this wiki's policies and unless it can shown to directly pertain to Chris it should not be there.
::Heh, no it's my fault. "I'm a newbie, so maybe I fucked up. I tend to do that a lot. " Now that I think about it, it does sound angry. I was just kidding around, because really, I'm still new, and still getting a feel for the place. Sorry if I came off wrong. [[User:Barry|Barry]] 16:38, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
:In regards to Barry's point that the info which was removed from this article is "no different from the irrelevant info on Chris's other families or his sweethearts' non-Chris-related "biographies."" First of, there's a big difference between articles on current and past major players in Chris's life (such as Bob, Barb and maybe even Megan) and articles on bit players such as Cole. Barb and Bob are people with whom Chris interacts/interacted on a daily basis; the more info we have on them the better we can understand their character and therefore their relations with Chris. But Cole was never a big figure in Chris's life. He left the house when Chris was still a baby, and it seems they've spent little time with each other. As there's hasn't been much of a relationship between the two, there's not much to gain insight to by adding more info about Cole. I think that Joshua Martinez, Anna McLaren and Chris's different gal pals from high school were bigger figures in his life than Cole.

:You can't compare Cole to Chris's past sweethearts either. You have to remember most of them (with the exceptions of Megan and the Wallflower) weren't real and so their "biographical info" is actually the info about them which was presented to Chris. If Chris believes it than it most definitely belong on the CWCki.

:I see that the section about Cole's past acting gigs is still up. I don't think it should be here either, though if anyone disagrees I'd like to hear them. - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] 13:58, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
::Cole is interesting, to me at least, because he's a polar opposite to Chris and his conservative family. Then on the other hand, even though he's more sympathetic, he has ego issues just like Chris. But yeah, that's just him, and not Chris. I did some thinking and I guess you're right, he isn't very relevant.
::I still think the eBay stuff and other things would be nice to have, just for entertainment, but that's more of a policy thing. [[User:Barry|Barry]] 16:38, 1 October 2011 (PDT)
::*Not to egg on you, dude, but NegaCWC has a point. Not picking on you but I think we need to work on focusing biographies to what is necessary to understand their relationship with Chris. A lot of stuff, like their personal life, really isn't appropriate and it comes off as stalkerish and unlike Chris, these people will care if they get trolled or stalked. An extreme case of this was with The Wallflower, which is why we can't even say her name, because people made her page full of her online activity and it was just a mess.
:::In any case, if people wanna know funny stuff about Cole, they can look it up themselves but for the purposes of this wiki, it's not necessary as it's irrelevant to our purpose. Remember, we're not about being "entertaining" or funny either.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:01, 2 October 2011 (PDT)
::::Then why do we have so many reaction images? --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 09:29, 2 October 2011 (PDT)
::::*If you haven't noticed, we're [[CWCki:Policy#Removal_of_.22Reaction_Images.22|getting rid of them]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:49, 3 October 2011 (PDT)
:::I guess he's right. It really isn't Chris-related. Plus, I don't really want to go against policy. To be honest, I never read that one before. Guess I should lurk more. [[User:Barry|Barry]] 13:55, 2 October 2011 (PDT)

== Nudes ==

So the trolls apparently sent Cole the nudes with Chris's e-mail, so I did a quick search for a source. It was totally dry. I think Cole cutting off contact with Chris is a pretty big deal, so should we remove the message until it gets sourced? [[User:Barry|Barry]] 19:00, 2 October 2011 (PDT)

Speech impediment

2011-06-13T19:50:31Z

Der Zuschauer:

[[Chris]] has an unusual manner of speaking, between his strong [[Ruckersville, VA|regional dialect]] and what appear to be genuine impairments.

==History==
Chris's speech impediment appears to have worsened over time. He spoke clearly and normally in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|earlier]] videos, while his stuttering and other difficulties have increased significantly since then.

Likely causes include troll-induced [[stress]] and a lack of conversational company not already accustomed to Chris's speaking tendencies.

Chris's problems in verbal communication potentially stem from either the extended period of "muteness" he went through during his childhood (supposedly as a consequence of his treatment by the [[abusive babysitter]]) or his [[autism]], a disorder which often results in speech difficulties. Chris's written communication generally tends to be significantly more coherent and grammatically correct than how he speaks. While writing, he has more time and freedom to determine what he says.

==Non-Symptoms==
Slang such as "Y'all," and "'em," and contracting the "g" of words ending in "-ing" is typical in dialects of the southeastern United States, Chris's native region.

Chris sometimes mispronounces names (such as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]) due to his ignorance of their proper pronunciation rather than impairments in speaking ability.

==Symptoms==
Chris's diction is naturally staggered, interspersed with pauses, deep breaths, "um," "uh," and "hm." The pauses and deep breaths, used in speech therapy, suggest that Chris has had his speech impediment professionally treated at some point. Chris's protracted style of speaking seems to make it easier for him to lose his thought, stray off topic, or forget to include certain segments of his thoughts. However, in the [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] he has made, his speech is surprisingly fluent, with no "ums" or "uhs" This fluency is probably because he is being timed to do it, so there's little time to stop.

Chris also has a strong tendency to stutter. Although not the type of "machine-gun" stutter largely associated with the problem, Chris constantly has to repeat whole phrases, and he stumbles over certain phrases as he finds the correct words to best convey his ideas. This also could be because Chris finds the need to correct himself, and finds repetition to be the optimal way to deal with this. Ofte- usually this resu- this resu- thi- th- this ends up in Chris having to rei- repe- this ends up in Chris having to shuffle through many synonyms just to express a brief statement.

During the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s dad, Chris claimed to pause before speaking in order to "spellcheck" what he is saying. This implies that Chris needs to consciously plan what he is going to say or else he is unable to say it; this suggests that Chris's difficulty with speech stems from poor contact between the speech centers of his brain and his cerebellum, a common characteristic of [[autism]]. Ironically, Chris clearly [[Chris and Writing|doesn't spellcheck his ''written'' work.]]

Like small children, Chris has a tendency to speak too quickly, run words into one another, and slur words. For example, Chris's pronunciation of "[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Ensykapeia Dramakka paysh]]".

Chris sometimes mixes up the pieces of multiple word phrases, resulting in [[wikipedia:spoonerism|statements]] like "rell-wested." <ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>

Chris has difficulty pronouncing the letter "X" (/ks/ or /gz/), as well as related consonantal digraphs (/sk/, /st/), pronouncing it either as an "/s/" sound (elision) or as a "/t͡s/" sound (fronting). In addition, he pronounces the voiced "th" sound (/ð/) as "d", even when it's not deliberate (as in "da" standing in for "the"). This indicates trouble with consonants, known as [[wikipedia:Speech-Language_Pathology_in_School_Settings#Articulation_disorders|articulation disorders]].

However, given the above, it is most likely he has [[wikipedia:cluttering|tachyphemia]]. This explains most of his speech and grammar usage.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Death threats

2011-06-07T17:11:35Z

Der Zuschauer: sauced

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

[[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' became increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood were delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a [[camera]] is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of [[rage]] has steadily grown over years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While at one point it was a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of [[2009]] and early [[2010]] Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day [[2009]], Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and Clyde murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy — [[Sonichu (comic)|the ''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris trapped Jack and [[Clyde Cash]] on top of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the Internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|''Sonichu'' #8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''faceraped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|a video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO [[GodJesus|GOD AND JESUS]] TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[Jason Kendrick Howell message|I PRAY YOU DEAD]]!|Chris}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===Clyde Cash===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], [[Clyde Cash]] has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

[[Don't Mess With Me|Chris posted another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, all as a warning to other trolls.

Chris's threats against Clyde culminated in a video where he [[DivineTrial|ordered his execution]], with a Shadow the Hedgehog doll standing in for the "Cashey-type person".

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Ian, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Ian's solution to boyfriends.]]

Ian's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When [[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|expressed horror]] at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Chris also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could justify maiming and permanently crippling her boyfriend, and be completely in the right about it.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same Mediawiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog Patti maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his Adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===Evan, Mao and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included [[Evan]] and [[Mao]], two of Leary's partners in the creation of [[Asperpedia]], in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 1 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on [[CWCipedia]]. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked in to Chris's PSN account, he weakly threatened that (Tito) would "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]", while also firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he threatens Tito with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the main reason [[The Wallflower]] stopped talking to him; the actual cause for their separation was partly due to concerned trolls and partly due to Chris's refusal to be "[[friend zone|friend-zoned]]". In either case, Chris's threat did not work; instead, he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Ireland and the United Kingdom in the same way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On 17 [[March 2010]], Chris made his most threatening video yet: in it, he accused Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, and a rapist; called him a [[nigger]]; and promised to cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]]. The Cwcipedia was then taken over by Mao, allowing the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars McNulty]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris address to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claims that he will [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ends the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

===[[Michael Snyder]]===

On 13 February 2011, Chris released the [[Autism Tutorial]] levels in LBP2. In part three of the series, a rant about Mary Lee Walsh segues into a death threat directed towards Michael Snyder, in which Chris expresses his wish that the Game Place would catch fire and burn down, killing Michael in the process.

==Chris as recipient==

Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to photograph his daughter, this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

Earlier, during the Ivy Saga, Chris received a death threat from a Clyde Cash impersonator. Despite all of his tough talk, Chris was completely paralyzed by fear and actually [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shat his bed]] in terror. Before Ivy could convince him that the threat was an empty one, he had placed a decoy in his soiled bed and hidden under a pile of stuffed animals, as if he were a child hiding from the boogeyman.

==See also==
*[[death|Chris and Death]]
*[[Chris and Anger]]

[[Category:Lists]][[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Jackie E-mails 23

2011-02-25T15:34:05Z

Der Zuschauer: Why does the word "truth" in Jackie's second e-mail have a link to "Lies"?

This page lists emails exchanged by [[Chris]] and [[Jackie]] from 22 to 26 [[November 2010]]. Chris has not responded to her emails since.

In response to his apathy, Jackie sends Chris a tirade of angry emails. She explains that regular women don't want to have "friends with benefits", because those kind of relationships are not really about the friendship at all and too much about the benefits. She also says Chris is ill-equipped for a purely sex-based relationship, due to his unattractiveness, before pointing out how little Rocky has done for him.

Chris retaliates with surprising claims that his [[duck]] grew/is no longer bent and that he's no longer fat. In spite of Jackie's insightful critique, Chris fails to respond to the bulk of it, instead taking a chunk of it completely out of context to compare himself to distressed women who want shallow relationships. In response, Jackie lists the reasons why he is so widely disliked, immediately blowing some of Chris's claims out of water, and sardonically wishes Chris a happy Thanksgiving.

Chris ignores Jackie's words of wisdom on the grounds that she hurt his feelings and accuses the world of being "[[autistic]]-like" and "unsympathetic", which Jackie again points out is just his way of preserving his ego and ensuring he never has to change. Chris once again condemns social networking and the [[Internet]], to which Jackie reacts with suspicion - Chris claims to reject her advice for the sole reason that she gave it over the Internet, ignoring the fact that [[Bob|nobody's]] [[Barb|exactly]] [[Rocky|helping]] him offline.

Chris resigns by point-blank telling Jackie that all she has said previously is just meaningless hate. Jackie offers a final summary that doesn't paint a too good picture.

{{Email|November 22, 2010 - 5:13pm

Hey Chris, I haven't heard back from you recently. I thought maybe you were confused about something I said. Let me reiterate some of my points for you so that you can better understand (reread this several times if you need to, I had a lot of ground to cover and it got pretty long by the time I was done writing it):

A self-respecting girl would not want a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy. No girl who knows her own value has any reason to want that sort of repugnant relationship. A self-respecting girl wants a real relationship with a guy. But that alone isn't what made your words to me insulting. What made what you said to me insulting was that we had spent months trying to build the basis of a relationship, but you just stomped all over it the whole time and acted like you didn't even want to be part of it. But you lied to me for months and told me you did want to be part of it. You eventually owned up and admitted your desire to be with me was a lie, but then you thought I would have some compelling reason to actually want to sleep with you after all that you had done to me. You basically told me "hey [[Jackie]], I don't really feel like putting out the effort to make you happy anymore, but I still want you to come give me free [[sex]]." Not a good way to make a girl feel special, Chris.

All that notwithstanding, I'm not holding a grudge against you. I want to be your friend, so I'm going to be helpful and lay out the facts for you so you know what you're working with. there are some girls who are perfectly willing to have a casual sex-based relationship with no strings attached. However, these girls always possess the same two qualities:

1) They usually have some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering. But you probably wouldn't care about any of that, since all you want to do is fuck them and then ignore them.

2) The thing that I bet you WILL care about is that those women only care about the shallowest aspects of men. By that I mean that they want guys who are [[Liquid Chris|good-looking]], [[Clyde Cash|muscular]], [[Surfshack Tito|manly]], and have big [[pickle|dicks]]. You do not fit any of those criteria, Chris. You are significantly [[Obesity|overweight]] and flabby, you have virtually no muscle, your skin is pasty and your forehead is covered in acne scarring that is the most readily visible thing about you even in a low-light, low-resolution picture or video. Your [[hair]] is thinning and looks stringy and greasy all the time because you don't take care of it, your body isn't getting the nutrients it needs to maintain it, and you probably don't wash it all that much. [[ECV 00002|When you dressed up as]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your distended gut was hanging so low it completely covered your belt buckle and much of the front of your pants, it reminded me of when [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]] is naked and they don't have to blur his genitals because his giant gut covers them completely. All of those are things that you could take care of if you actually tried, but you just stuff yourself with fast food, soft drinks, and [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man dinners]] all day and night and make no effort to exercise or keep in shape, which is why you can't do a single pull-up and your body is falling apart before you've even turned 30.

Also, your [[Duck|penis]] is rather small and bent at an awkward angle, girls who want an FWB arrangement just want the biggest, straightest dicks they can find. And trust me, they don't have trouble finding them. For every one of a guy like you, there are five or ten guys who actually take care of themselves physically that these girls can choose from instead. Oh, the other thing is that those girls will often forgive a less-than-attractive physique if the guy in question has a lot of money to spend on them. But having never tried to pursue an actual career (or earn [[money]] with your comics, which you have claimed many times you always wanted to do) means you have no money, either. So basically, you have nothing that an FWB-type of girl would want.

Now, if you want a girl who would look past all of the superficial stuff, you'd need to find a girl who wanted an honest relationship - a girl like me ;) Now, as I'm sure is obvious, I looked past your physical appearance, lack of money, and so on because I wanted to see what your personality is like. A lot of good girls will go for a guy who has a great personality, because that's probably the most important quality a person can possess. Now, consider that I gave you a lot of chances to show me what kind of personality you have.

In all our time communicating with each other, you showed that you are incredibly petty and vindictive. You showed that you care nothing for other peoples' property or livelihood, as evidenced by the ridiculous grudge you still possess against [[Michael Snyder]]. You went into [[The GAMe PLACe|the store]] he was in charge of running, you hogged his TV to play your own games, even though he never owed you that, and then when he tried to assert his dominance over the business HE runs, you scrawled vile graffiti slandering him in his own store, and you refuse to play by the rules and force him to ban you. And YEARS go by and you STILL hold this childish grudge to the point of repeatedly trespassing on the store's property and taking pictures of his children in a threatening manner. You are hateful and judgmental toward entire groups of people you know nothing about. You hate [[Homos|gays]] for absolutely no reason, you are afraid of [[Niggos|black people]], you think calling someone a "[[jew]]" is an insult, and yet you still get super self-righteous and act all offended whenever you think someone is disrespecting you because they don't like your autism. You are a hypocrite of immense proportions, always holding other people to standards of behavior that you believe you yourself have no obligation to follow. You criticize other people for social networking, saying "the internet is turning them autistic", even though you sit at home playing your [[Playstation 3]] ALL DAY LONG. [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|You throw words from the Bible]] at people when they do something that offends you even though you [[lie]], cheat, steal, want premarital sex, [[Death threats|threaten bodily harm/murder]] on others, and a whole host of other activities that God doesn't like. And whenever you are cornered and can't explain away your rampant egotism and hypocrisy, you will just claim that "the trolls" are responsible for all your problems, great and small, and act as though your bad internet experience excuses you from having to take responsibility for anything.

And what's more, you expect others to do everything for you and offer nothing in return. You treat Samantha like she's your personal secretary and like she should do all the hard work to make your life better, and for a while now you've treated me the same way. Whenever either of us offer you an idea of how to deal with some problem of yours, you come up with some rationalization why you are too lazy to do it and beg us to do it for you instead. You'll complain about the same problems over and over but you refuse to consider any solution that is offered to you. You have talked down to me, insulted me, lied to me repeatedly (I know you have lied to Samantha countless times), refused to do something I asked you to do many, many times, yet you still expect me to be some perfect girlfriend who makes you happy all the time. You complained about our IM conversations being stressful and said they "could be construed as arguments", just because I had a different opinion than you on things and wanted you to back up your belief instead of just believing things for no reason. You place your prized video games above all other concerns in your life, you drop the majority of what little money you have every month on video games and then whine about how you don't have the money you would need to accomplish actual goals. You complain about other people being addicted You make excuses that "once we're together, then you will improve yourself", suggesting that you expect me to be a babysitter and give your life direction because you are too lazy to give it direction yourself. If you had been a good person, things might have turned out different between us. But you proved your inside was even uglier than your outside.

The most succinct way to put why you are not currently ready to be with a girl is that you want to be taken seriously as an adult man even though you are a person who sits in [[Chris's room|your room]] playing video games all day, [[Monthly tugboat|leeching money off the government]] that could be going to people who are homeless and starving and at the same time convincing yourself that God WANTS you to have free money, has no goals, no aspirations, and no direction, who avoids any and all work like the plague, whines about [[Bob|his father]] telling him to do chores to real adults who have to work 60 hours a week and take care of themselves, all the while growing fatter, balder, greasier, and closer to death off your diet of fast food and Hungry Mans and a total lack of exercise or activity. You need to change all of these things about yourself before a relationship (fwb or not) with any girl is practical.

Well, that was pretty long, I admit, but it's ground that needed to be covered. I feel kind of better now that we're just going to be friends instead of pursuing a relationship - I feel like I can be brutally honest about things that I always felt strongly about, but had to kind of sugercoat because our relationship was something different. Friends can sometimes be honest in ways that romantic partners have difficulty with. (You might be wondering, after I just got done explaining why you are such a bad friend, why I would want to be your friend - and that's a valid point. Well, I want to be your friend because I think it is possible for you to change, become good, and get the things you want, and it's not hurting me to help you to try.)

One more thing: I have to ask you, again, what Rocky has really done for you. Has Rocky helped you get a girlfriend and/or sex partner? No, you're still alone and a [[virgin]]. Has she helped you get healthy or develop a means of interacting with adults? No, you still live like a slob and play with toys all day. You are severely depressed because you don't have a social life, but she hasn't helped you with that. All she tells you is that nothing is your fault and that your problems will be solved when the trolls are all gone. Well, when the trolls are all punished, you'll still be a lonely, depressed virgin with no real social life, no job, no hobbies, and nothing significant in his life. Why don't you ask Rocky to help you with your actual personal problems, instead of just blaming the trolls for everything? I'M trying to help you by pointing out things you need to change about yourself. Doesn't Rocky? Or does she just tell you that it's okay to sit on your ass playing video games and doing nothing with your life? I've got news for you, if that's what she's telling you, it's because she believes you're too retarded and stupid to accomplish anything and she's just humoring you.

Anyway, I know this probably sounds all pretty brutal and shocking to you. That's why I want you to save this email and reread it, over and over. Read it again each day, so the shock can fade but my message can sink in. Because you really need this message to sink in, Chris. You need to do something different with your life. If you don't, then the life you have now is all you'll ever have.

Write me back,

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 23, 2010 - 6:34pm

Well, I have not replied lately, because I have been emotionally suffering and lost iin thoughts of my own with my own confusions and lost paths.

Second, in response to your last message, when you described "such a woman", you essentially spelled out how I've been eeling for a long time. I have felt like I was one of them who have "some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering." Congratulations, you put my situation in life in better words than I could have ever.

And I do not appreciate the hurtful insults I have read after hat directed towards me. [[Duck|My dick]] is bigger than previously photographed, and it is no longer bent. And I am not overweight. Two wrongs do not make a right, so at this point, I'll leave you to think about how much more hurt you've made me.}}

{{Email|November 23, 2010 - 7:33pm
Hi Chris.

I have been thinking about the stuff I said to you, and will continue to do so. But I do not feel guilty in the least about it. Everything I told you was the complete and utter truth. And as I explicitly told you, I set out with only that purpose - to make you face the truth. I didn't set out to hurt you. I certainly did not set out to wrong you just because you wronged me out of believing that "two wrongs make a right". And what you call being "hurt", I call being knocked off your high horse and forced to accept some humility, which is something you desperately needed. You have believed for far too long that you deserve to have all your desires handed to you on a silver platter and that you shouldn't have to work to earn any of it. I set out to end that. So if you're expecting me to feel guilty or remorseful over trying to set you right, you're in for a yet another rude awakening, buddy-boy.

You would have a chance at a relationship if you just took care of yourself. You need to start eating healthy, take care of your appearance, build some muscle, and lose a lot of weight. You also need to stop treating girls like they are just living [[Kimmi|sex toys]] who exist to validate your manliness. You can't have a relationship the way you are now because you treat everyone around you as tools for your own selfish advancement and you never give a shit about what other people want. And yes, you are overweight. YOU ARE [[Obesity|OVERWEIGHT]]. at 5'10" and 216 lbs, your Body Mass Index is about 31, which classifies you as obese. And even that is probably a pretty low estimate - you weight moderately less than a person as fat as you would normally weigh, because muscle is denser than fat, and you have NO muscle. Look at yourself in the picture I included, really look at it. A nearly 29-year-old man should not have that giant gut hanging over his pants.

Do you know why most people don't like you? Do you know why women don't approach you, and why people don't praise you, and why people on the internet mock you? It's because you are a horrible, selfish, [[Ego|egotistical]] person. You have NO respect and NO consideration for other people. THAT is why you are alone and unloved. People will give you no compassion because you believe you don't have to show any to other people. It's not because people are "jealous" of you - they know your life sucks, they wouldn't want to be in your shoes. It's not because they're playing "[[kick the autistic]]". No one GIVES A SHIT that you are [[autistic]], they NEVER DID. People don't like you because you use your autism as a fucking excuse to refuse to do anything and demand that other people fix your problems for you. People don't like you because you want them to treat you like a fucking king at the same time as you treat them like shit. People don't like you because you act as if you are doing everything right and all your problems are someone ELSE'S fault when the truth is that your problems are all YOUR fault.

As I said, not a single thing in my last email was an insult. Not one bit. It was all true. IT IS ALL TRUE. Swallow your fucking pride and accept that I'm not insulting you just because I'm refusing to kiss your ass and make you face the uncomfortable truth about yourself. You know exactly what you have to do to fix your life, Chris. I know you do because [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha]] and I (and other people) have told you COUNTLESS TIMES what you need to do to improve your situation. No one else will do it for you. If you don't fix it, no one else ever will.

The way I see it, you have two choices:
1) Put your pride aside, admit you are not special and that you have to follow the same life rules as everyone else, and do the same exact hard work that everyone else needs to do to be happy.
2) Sit on your ass, continue whining that people like me who try to help you are "hurting your feelings", continue to believe that you are a special little snowflake who has endured far worse hardship than anyone else, and spend the rest of your life as a lonely virgin.

I can kind of see now why you love going to Rocky for counseling, and I also understand better what exactly Rocky does to "counsel" you. The answer to both is that she blows smoke up your ass, tells you that none of your problems are your fault, and that you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. And you love that, because you want everyone around you to just kiss your ass. Well, the flip side of that is that Rocky thinks your a retard who will never improve or have sex. I'M the one who believes you stand a chance, Chris. I'M the one who is telling you the truth while she lies to you because she thinks you're hopeless. But by all means, if you'd rather never get sex or love or happiness just so that you can continue to pretend that someone else is obligated to fix your life for you, then don't listen to me. Go ahead and close your mind to the truth when someone who actually WANTS to see you be HAPPY tries to tell it to you like it is. I hope you respond to this and keep an open mind, but I can't make you, and if you want to keep living in your own self-imposed hell I won't lose sleep over it.

Jackie}}
{{Email|November 25, 2010 - 4:58pm
Hey Chris! Just wanted to wish you happy turkey day. Are you and your family doing anything special today?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 4:25pm
Thanks for the Thanksgiving Greeting. It was pleasant.

I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are. Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?

I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other.

I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me.

Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please.

Take Care and Stay Safe,

One Misunderstood, Lonely, Caring Idiot,

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 7:36pm
And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.}}

{{Email|November 26, 2010 - 8:24pm
Hey Chris! I'm glad your Thanksgiving went well. Anyway, I have some responses to each of your points, which I will put after each section of your writing.

''"I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are."''

You are egotistical, because not only do you believe yourself to be an ideal partner for any woman in your present state without requiring change, but you also believe it is plausible and practical to remain in your comfort zone for your entire life, to the point that avoiding any kind of discomfort or displeasure is one of your primary life goals. You are most definitely selfish, as evidenced by your unwillingness to budge even the slightest bit when I asked you to step out of said comfort zone and give me something I wanted. You always tried to twist and warp my requests into something else entirely, then you egotistically told me "it's good enough like that", even though I am the one who would determine that, not you. The truths I told you were things you absolutely needed to hear, because you so strongly believed yourself to be a paragon of manhood and you were in such a strong denial that nothing else COULD get through to you. Throwing that bucket of water in your face was on the same principle on which interventions are conducted. I have been nice to you time and again, but you just refuse to listen when advice is given "nicely". Using harsh words was entirely necessary.

''"Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?"''

I have two responses to this: First of all, sympathy has nothing to do with this. I have spent months sympathizing with you on every subject that bothers you, but it has gotten you nowhere. You still sit alone in your room, depressed and resentful toward the rest of the world. You don't listen when people sympathize with you. I chose my words very carefully because I KNEW they would shock you. I KNEW that shocking you was the only thing that might stand a chance of making you realize that you don't have the luxury of just sitting and waiting for the world to make itself perfect for you.

Secondly, you complain about not receiving sympathy, but when have you ever offered it? When people sympathize with you, all you end up doing is demanding that they fix your problems for you. You don't sympathize at all with people like me or Samantha when we get frustrated at how you routinely ignore our advice and would rather piss your life away playing video games. Friendship seems to be one-sided affair with you; you expect "sympathy" - which I think you misinterpret to mean "[[White knight|coddling]]" - but don't return the favor.

Thirdly, stop saying the internet is "making people autistic". That is grade A BULLSHIT. You bitch all the time about how everyone else has friends and relationships and can socialize, and how you are the only person who has your problems socializing; who then are these supposed people who are turning autistic? As I said, my words were deliberately chosen, I didn't "forget" how to "sympathize" with you just because my words came in an email instead of in person. I would have said the same exact thing to you in person. How about you stop playing the fucking PS Triple for 10 hours a day? Because I don't think you have a right to say others are addicted to the internet when you drop nearly every dollar you have buying stupid games on the internet.

''"I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other."''

Fair enough, it's nice to have friends in real life. So how's that working for you? How many people have you met out in the real world? You can't be talking about ME when you mention socializing in real life - we met online, so talking to me in real life would defeat your silly idea that internet socialization is worthless. Who else do you have? Or are you still expecting people to come up to you and do all the work for you? That's another perfect example of your egotism: You expect others to do all the work of creating a relationship with you, but you can't be bothered to put any effort into it yourself. You just say "I don't know what to do or where to go" as an excuse, despite the fact Samantha has given you many, many detailed ideas of how to start.

''"I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me."''

I hope you're aware that "Bust" means "virgin forever". You've spent the past decade of your adult life putting absolutely no effort into anything, including making friends, so I don't see why you would start now. I've been doing nothing but trying to help you, but if you arrogantly think you can afford to just toss me away because I won't bend over backwards for a guy who never put effort into making me happy, then I guess I can't stop you. Hope your pride keeps you warm at night when you don't have any relationships.

''"Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please."''

Wow, thanks. Glad to see how worthless you consider all of your interactions with me. Is that the sort of "sympathy" you were complaining about not receiving?
As I said, you do nothing in real life, you just expect others to take care of you for your entire life. So I don't see how the internet is such an awful thing by comparison.

''"And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me."''

You've just written a large email telling me that you basically want to forget about me because email is inconvenient and because I don't kiss your ass enough. Once again, sterling display of reciprocity you show there, Chris. Everyone is supposed to be nice and sympathetic to you but you don't care what others think or feel or need.

So anyway, if you want to go your whole life without having to face the truth about yourself, that's fine. Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever.

Jackie}}

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 23]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2010-12-30T17:01:33Z

Der Zuschauer: I didn't know what candy striping was until I looked it up, so I decided to add a link to the TOW page for it. Because why not.

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Fattus goddammus'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and Solid Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) mostly consists of Solid trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4]], and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point Solid loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====

Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====

In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====

Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing Pokémon with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====

Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]] and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Ian's behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Ian responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Ian only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Solid Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Ian is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====

Ian begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Ian states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Ian declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Ian of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop Being Crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====

Kacey doesn't think Ian is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Ian doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====

Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Ian whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Ian to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You- you- you ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g- so he wouldn’t co- so he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's- that's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay. Well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' -he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me- well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu- but- but ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to- to kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it- I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Well... I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa- I- I don't... Would you rather have- I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just... shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I- I’d rather you-
 '''Chris:''' Or-
 '''Kacey:''' -not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody... in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more... I don't know... more real- ''realistic'' in... ''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh-
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that-
 '''Chris:''' -y’know-
 '''Kacey:''' -you would shoot him in real life.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se- in self-''defense''! Mmm. I mean, yeah, my- in that- in- y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... in real life, I ''would'' appre- I would, uh, try- I would, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, I don’t- I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based of- based off the, uh- based off... Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing… shooting him... on- on... Transformers? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... no. Y’see, I have the- I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like- like... he was my boyfriend, and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just- I mean, like- I was expecting, like- you know, like, a magical fight, not like... you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want- you wanted me to... cute it up a little- cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I... didn't really want- I just didn’t really feel like, uh... cute- that cute- that, uh- that...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be... like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like... the ''Sonichu''... comic. But, I mean, you- you shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well... it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only- I mean, I can- I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that.
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I can... get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe- yeah, may- yeah, I can make it less viol- ''violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but- yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... okay, well, I'm sorry for- I did not mean for it to-
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris: that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're- you’re calling... ''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Kacey:''' -it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I- yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him... there... in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then, you ''leave'' him! Like, uh- like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. No, actually, I would have called 911 on him. Y’know… bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay... and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 911 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! ’Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And- and then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- and especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can- I can- I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh... it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can- I can... undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It- it’s- I have no words to describe it. I mean... [''exhales angrily''] like... th- you did this... after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I- what's gonna happen if, like... somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... nobody ''has''- nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... my- in my defense, uh... ''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though... ''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So-
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Kacey:''' -I mean-
 '''Chris:''' -see, I-I-I- okay. Well, I ''have'' d- I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I- I-
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You- you've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously... you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' -I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou- um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... okay-
 '''Kacey:''' You complained-
 '''Chris:''' -it’s like, over-
 '''Kacey:''' -to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''... you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay-
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' -have you- have you- did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're-
 '''Chris:''' I jog-
 '''Kacey:''' -doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged... ''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j- you just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''... alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis- I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said-
 '''Kacey:''' [speaking rapidly] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' Kim and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you- you show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And- and- and- and... I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I- okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And... I cannot undo it, but... okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It- it's too late. You- I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're- well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''- and ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I- uh, before I- I later found out that that... quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But- but- but ''still'', the- but still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' -I created the whole new level of-
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept... ''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did... [''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually...''
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in- instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, ba- [''stress sighs''] Well, I m- I mis-''worded'' that. I meant- I m- I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic". Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No...I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts tarding out''] NO, I WAS- NO, I WAS- NO, I HAD- I HAD IT... [''calms back down''] already- I had it ''started'', after I had- I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I- and I had it almost done. I just- just needed to color in the f- final pages today. And I did that! And-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking... raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... [''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working-
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on-
 '''Kacey:''' What do you-
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done-
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''-
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli- I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work- so, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it- actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about... fucking... Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more- I mean, y’know, c’mon- there's more to it than... ''that''. There's the, uh... ''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at-
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely- and definitely did the volunteer work at the- for the Pokémon Trading Card Game League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' Pokémon? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''- uh, the- Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society.
 [''long pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that...don't say that, that just makes me...that just makes me feel bad...I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay you finally made the comic but then you oh my GOD. I mean you were so nasty to my family, you just you don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE I CRIED I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously, that is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No no no no that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND, I mean that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something, You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT and then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him, what am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now, what are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much. 
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said a friend, that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you-
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well I care about your safety and well being and if someone shot you I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense-
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just, UGH.
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I...when I think about you I think about like the sweetest kindest woman I've ever known in my life who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [dramatic pause]
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not...sometimes I'm not sure what to say. And-
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good...Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of...I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No there's no such thing as little lies, all of them are big lies, especially...me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them, stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie some of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me all you did was stare at my chest and insult me, I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the on the other hand you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No no, I- [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hm, lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hm.
 '''Chris:''' Hello?...Yeah-
 '''Liquid:''' Hey wait a minute, ugh, is what I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Liquid:''' No it's not MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian [''inaudible'']
 '''Kacey:''' Wait wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as Ian Brandon Anderson!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid...shut your mouth! You are, you are, you are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because I mean you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my, you saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your, yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO! NO!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my, my moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you, no! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even, no...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're friends again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah. And not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT A FAT GODDAMMIT!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less, I weigh a lot less than that, you, you weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300... [''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and, and calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got, have you had against me that, what the hell have you had against me that was like, that came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't, I have the copyright, I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes, oh yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this, all this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have, why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my, my, has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's- it's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that, it's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine, Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah I have! I went there for four, for four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You, but you, you stand right next...you stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the, was the, one of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him and he would say I am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that you are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it, no, she will point at you and say, "Oh, yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That, this, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That, thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get, but he, he just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break, oh, gimme a break, you have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! You've been nothing but a pain in my, pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to, relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, yeah, no, you would not even, you wouldn't have access to her if it, if it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN COPYING ME!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has, not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud, I am so sick of you putting me, of you, calling me all that, when you know and I know and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me, all you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you baby, yeah, yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh, okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME, MY NAME IS, NO, NO, NO!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know, I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na-, you are naïve! And if I ever found you I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just, just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go, look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where, if I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there, I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the, you are not Christian Weston, you are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes I am! Yes I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to, you're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them. 
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's...I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come, I invite you to, write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is, that is my address. You, you, you have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just...you already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know, are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No you are not, 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not, you are, you are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C., it's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, I am not interested, how many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, okay, hold it, stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now, you've been ignoring me the whole time and now you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah...no, you listen, you listen, you listen, hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where he lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh, I am telling you right now, I am, I am telling you, this, this accusation of, of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that, it is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I, it just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME, I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER! When are you going to...I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is, yes it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes it is! And that is where, exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you...you, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey...yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out''] ...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it, you know it, you know that I'm true, please, believe, please Kacey, don't do, don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before too. Not anything like grandma dying. Just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy, okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are, you have always just been this naïve, because that's all, that's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family, I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay, well, you can have, okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah, shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you, but you, but I say, you know, but you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler, I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.''] ...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No you, no you are not! You are not! I am, I am, you are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not, you're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're, you're just a, you're, no, you're the, no, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers, until you prove it you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, geh, no, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not, you know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes I am, I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw, I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He, he, but he does not have the same drawing style I's drew, I do, I showed you my, it was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it to. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...he's only prete-, he's only pretending that, he's stealing me, he's stealing all that, he's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I, no I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't, stop the charade, we already know you're a liar Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler, thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU KACEY! GOD!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''Breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off, he's still calling me that, God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second. [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the...well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just, just lis-, just, that's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him, he can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now I just want him to, there, to talk to the, tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight, what in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either, she can't talk, or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk... [''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like one minute I'm talking to someone and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there, you don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was, I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their-they might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt, that's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just, yeah, I knew you would, this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP! Talk to you later Kacey, I love you, I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me, are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby, are you with me, are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you, why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete-, he's pretend, he's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You, you are just a less worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh-, I sh-, I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this, you're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here, your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do, what do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't, I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television, all that, seems a lot more important to me, so I get it, don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it, apparently I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro-, I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch, you didn't even defend me! You were just like, talk to her, talk to her, what was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to...that's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! Why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta, you gotta tell me, are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now, listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later, and as for you Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!". I can't believe...oh my god Barbara called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD...That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barbara and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' [''unintelligible''] It was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barbara that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup...yup...yup
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]] [giggles]
 [''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call|Final]]}}

{{FanChats}}

==External links==

*Download [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eojywemfkom the call]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

[[Category:Phone calls]]

CWC's Second Message

2010-12-23T15:05:45Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Transcript */

After months of trying to either ignore or edit the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, [[Chris]] explodes with fury in this video. He blames ED for causing his falling-out with [[Megan]], although anyone with a brainstem could tell that had occurred months before ED had ever heard of him.

Chris also begins threatening to withhold the release of [[Sonichu 7]] and all further comics unless the ED page is removed. Naturally, [[troll]]s were terrified that they would never see the conclusion to the absorbing story that Chris had created, and rushed to meet his demands.

This is a beloved classic in the CWC canon, and it was in this video that Chris coined the term "[[pedofork]]."

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC's Second Message
| image = {{#ev:youtube|1XmuUP8Z7r4}}
| Stardate = 3 [[August 2008]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Homos|text}}, {{Comics|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| Saga = {{ED|text}}
| Shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]
| next = [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]
}}

{{quote|I am not a [[pedofork]], you dorks!}}

===Transcript===

''Citizens of the [[Internet]]'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.

[[Chris and his ego|Y'all should know me by now]], but, if you don't, I am [[Christian Weston Chandler]], ''the'' original creator of [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], back on March 17th, [[2000]]. Any dates earlier are void. I present this open message because I have a whole bunch of people on the Internet [''removes [[glasses]] dramatically''] give me hate…—show me a lot of hate... and I do not appreciate it. Ticks me off.

You think you can just… hate me just to get a laugh out of yourself. Think about it. You're laughing at somebody else's pain and torture, because I am lonesome, still trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] and to make into a [[sweetheart]]. Y'all think I'm just a sap, a chump, dumbass, whatever you may think. But you know what? You… ''you!'' Every last one of you, who has sh—expressed hate against me? ''You're'' the shitheads!

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|120px|Chris at age 70, if his cholesterol would allow him to live that long]]

Also, every last one of you who thinks that I am similar to that—of that senile old man in ''[[Family Guy]]''… ''you're'' the [[pedophiles]]. Every one of you who thinks I'm [[homo]] and calls me that—because I am not; I'm ''straight''! I'm ''straight''!—''you’re'' the homos! Every last one of you!

I could—I could take the whole time to express so much ''anger'' and frustration. I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. [''replaces glasses on face''] Take it or leave it, losers! [''removes glasses dramatically (again)''] It m—it helps me see better… see more detail and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together out of your own ego that you so richly... [''begins awkwardly tapping PS3 controller''] consume of.

But… on a more serious note: learning recently of the false—or real—literature, with downloaded… ''copies'' of my comic pages and whatnot. It has been either distributed or created ''without'' my consent or approval. So... it ''is'' a fake... and if it ever is published, or if it ever shows profit, let it weigh on your consciousness throughout your eternal life… that you are torturing and—worse off—tearing the heart, and soul, and emotions of the innocent man. The out—the innocent—still 26-year-old [''slams arms down on chair’s arms''] ''virgin''. Not only that, but I have so many lonely nights and stress… that you can not just imagine it!

Now, as for the other serious note: of any new stuff officially made by me, under my own… hands… ''not'' by anybody else's, which are considered ''false''. I just have not been feeling the inspiration to draw—to color! Because the loneliness…—I cannot stand that. The hatred I'm getting from every last one of you who has contributed to that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] web page… and every other forum, Internet document, lewdly drawn pictures with… ''dicks''…—I love ''dykes!'' ''Dykes!'' ''[[China|CHINA]]!'' I'm ''straight!'' If I ever—if I see a dick, I just look away, with a moment of being freaked out! [''makes arm gesture for “safe!”'']

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|200px|"She has come for me"]]

''And'' e-mailing me pictures is not gonna get any of you any further conclusion to “Will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]] get out of [[Dark Mirror Hole|the mirror]]?”, “Will the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] be collected?”, “Will I ''ever'' find my [[sweetheart]]?” ''And'' am I—am I or [[Megan Schroeder]] still an item—” which by the way, she broke up with me so much long ti—so much long ago because the contributors to that ED page… you broke the emotional streng—strength between us. You promoted such twists and turns to everything I have said [''begins tapping PS3 controller against his hand to count the offenses''] and drawn and written and ''whatnot''… You broke up the best friendship, the best relationship, the ''closest'' I could ever have in this ''pitiful adult life!'' ''You'' did it! Every last one of you! If I could blame myself, I would definitely blame myself for drawing [[Rule 34|those ''five'' pictures]]! Those five drawings! And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; [''covers eyes with one hand momentarily''] that is ''Megan!'' And just for—and just for—for taking it up—and twisting it around and such!

Think about it. ''Think about it!'' Weigh it on your conscience! Because nothing—no more official Sonichu art or work may—or may not—ever emerge… depending on the amount of hate that is decreased! That web page: ''taken off the Internet''! I wish I'd never found that piece of ''shit'' in the first place, back on that Halloween of [[2007|’07]], somewhere around there. And promoting the hatred, and… drawing such loose—such ''lucrid'' mockeries is ''not'' gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way… as I am telling you this, right into my [[PSEye|PlayStation Eye]]!

[''sighs deeply''] If I ever do find the one that is to be my sweetheart, I will give her such care, such tenderness, such love… we get around to the [[Chris and sex|hanky-panky]], that's fine, that's good… we get married. I will have my God-create—my [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]! She will be taken care of… lovingly. Those of you mock me otherwise, with such ''frivolous, lucrid adultery''… if I ever hear another—any more new stuff, it will weigh on your conscience, with me ''tearing at your souls''… emotionally! Let ''that'' weigh on your conscience, for those of you who have already done so or are thinking about doing it!

I am not a ''[[pedofork]]'', you ''dorks''!

[[Image:Chris chan by B Comes B-459.png|thumb|200px|Mmmm China]]
[''sighs''] I tell ya… so much anger, so much stress… it's hard to see straight. Let that, the result of all that you have contributed against me, weigh heavily like a 10,000-pound anvil! "Sixteen tons, whadd'ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt!" [''pronounces the b in “debt”'']

[[Chris and religion|If I was not a baptized man]] over at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist church]] by the [[University of Virginia]], I'd tell every last one of you that contributed to the hatred and downpour, "Go to hell." But I can—but I would not even weigh that upon my worst enemy, because that—because [[Twin Falling Towers|I am more kind than ya think]]. Y'all just do not see that; y'all just twist my words around. [''clears throat''] I do not wish to see any more hatrey or adult mockery, and I want that Encyclopedia Dramatica page taken down forever! It will weigh heavily on your conscience each day that it is ''still'' up there.

[''replaces glasses on face''] I leave you with any other thoughts that you ''may'' have. But if you ''dare'' twist ''these'' words around, that will weigh ''worse'' on your conscience. The words that ''I'' provide from sound mind and ''heart''… it will weigh heavily on you.

[[Obesity|It will weigh ''heavily'' on you.]]

== Fan videos ==
{{collapsible
|Videos
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Metal Love Solid: Portable Jerkops
| video = {{#ev:youtube|p03W5ElzdGI}}
| Stardate = 6 August [[2008]]
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Creator of the Internet
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hxN_TCywHPg}}
| Stardate = 15 September [[2008]]
| Maker = Jawsusfreak777
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sgt. Autism.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jeSovLPzVFA}}
| Stardate = 22 September [[2008]]
| Maker = xjrlol
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan's Message To CHINA!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5vPj14MDJVE}}
| Stardate = 14 [[January 2009]]
| Maker = CWCLovesPickles
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Vanilla Chris - "Dykes Dykes China"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Br-yK7nbHuk}}
| Stardate = 14 [[March 2009]]
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Chandler (CWC) Presents: A Music Remix from [[Kacey|my New Gal-Pal]].
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1CHjLvHSe3Q}}
| Stardate = 5 [[June 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Ringo Chris - "Christian Chandler: Lonesome Heart Soul Man (Reprise)"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|L79PdhpQKr8}}
| Stardate = 8 [[September 2009]]
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan is a Pedophile
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7kNrlediMZc}}
| maker = CelGamer
| stardate = 8 [[February 2010]]
| type =
}}
}}

==See also==
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]|nextlink=[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category: Captain's log entries| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, August 2008| 03]]
[[Category: ED Saga videos| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category: Videos about homos| 2008-08-03]]

LittleBigPlanet

2010-12-16T19:22:14Z

Der Zuschauer:

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:LittleBigPlanetOfficialUKBoxArt.png|thumb||Sometimes free advertising isn't the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Stephen fry.jpg|thumb|right||[[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], ''LittleBigPlanet'''s narrator and the very antithesis of Chris in many respects, being that he is [[Honor Roll|intelligent]], [[Random access humor|witty]], [[Fail|successful]], [[Nudes|handsome]], [[Monthly Tugboat|wealthy]] and [[Attraction Sign|charming]], as opposed to a [[Chris|bumbling moron]]. While they are both [[Homos|gay men]], Fry does not engage in [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|self-loathing]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|closet dwelling]].]]

'''''LittleBigPlanet''''' (or "Little Pig Blanket" coming from [[Chris]]'s [[Speech impediment|marble-filled mouth]]) is a critically acclaimed platformer game, released exclusively for [[Sony]] platforms, the [[PS3]] and [[PSP]]. It is basically a [[autism|nice, cheerful, soft-to-touch, vibrant-colored]] side-scrolling action game which allows players to craft custom levels.

While the game had a very promising start, tiny storm clouds started to gather when Chris got his [[Claw of Failure|claws]] on the ''LittleBigPlanet'' beta, and started posting videos that showed his ''enthusiastic'' approval of the game and his [[lie|amazing custom levels]]. Chris, being an enthusiastic fan of the game, fancies himself an LBP spokesman, while failing to realize that neither his reputation nor his promotional activities actually help convince people that ''LBP'' is worth playing.

==Chris and LBP==

[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|Sackboy says: The rumors that the only game worth playing on PS3 is on other consoles too are completely true. Get it now.]]

Chris is a huge fan of ''LittleBigPlanet''. He participated in the beta test in the fall of 2008, and was very annoyed that he had to take a ''whole week-long break'' between the beta's expiration and the official release of the retail version.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008]]</ref> He was also terribly concerned about whether or not his creations from the beta would still work in the real game. When ''LBP'' was released, Chris disappeared from the Internet for the better part of two months in [[November 2008|November]] and [[December 2008]]. The game's main character, "Sack Boy", has appeared in several ill-placed adverts throughout his comics (most prominently in the preview for [[Sonichu 10]], which was released before the blackout). Chris has every available trophy for the game in his [[PlayStation Network]] trophy case, although in December 2009, he was briefly short some unlockable trophies due to an update that added new ones.

The biggest reason Chris latched onto ''LittleBigPlanet'' was that it let him make ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu: The Game]]''. Seriously, that's all he ever wanted. Before the arrival of the ''LBP'' level editor, no game development platform was sufficiently idiot-proof — more complex development systems, after all, make unreasonable demands like ''learning something about game design''. With ''LittleBigPlanet'', everyone can mash a level together! Or so the theory goes...

The title is also a widely-touted PlayStation exclusive, often cited by console-warring fanboys in their attacks the [[Hex Bawx]], which is possibly another reason Chris likes it so much. Since Chris has no idea what porting a game to different platform usually entails, however, he thinks that pirates made versions of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for the [[Wii]] and [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] before the game was even out, and condemned these vile bastardizations before even finding out if they ''actually'' exist.

Not everything is rosy in Chris's ''LittleBigPlanet'' world, though. He has had problems saving his profile, because he has collected so much stuff - and there is a certain limit on how many level-creation widgets the player character can carry or stuff into a level at any given time. In response, he created "collector's cases" to help him store all his crap. In [[Chris-chan Discusses...|the ScrewAttackEurope interview]], he hoped that there would be "expandable memory usage" to allow him to save more junk. (All this is not entirely surprising, considering how much junk he and his family keeps around in real life, too.) In the same interview he also expresses the hope that he could transfer some of the collected stuff to the PSP version of ''LittleBigPlanet'' as well. (We all know his opinion on giving away his material possessions, don't we?) He was also [[F Abstinance#Description|unhappy with the Sonic the Hedgehog DLC]] (likely because it made it marginally difficult for him to create his [[Sonichu|horrid abominations]] in-game). As he knows absolutely nothing about how videogames work, he demands that the parts be completely redone to match his own moronic concepts.

In yet another example of irony flying right over Chris's balding head, his favorite video game is narrated by [http://www.stephenfry.com/ Stephen Fry], a well-known [[homo|homosexual]] and enthusiastic gay rights advocate. (He's also a successful author, actor, comedian, narrator for classic literature and film, and proponent of the supremacy of science, as opposed to [[GodJesus|theism]], making him something close to the Platonic anti-Chris.)

==Chris vs. Sony vs. the LBP Community==

Sony and Chris have become best friends and worst enemies over ''LittleBigPlanet''. Late in 2008, Chris's "[[PS3 History Level|PS3 History]]" videos were featured on the the game's main page. Plenty of lulz were to be had on the site's forums, when [[troll]]s began to link and post the many [[Nudes|NOODZ]] of the level's creator.

Sony Europe pulled his [[Sonichu]] levels several weeks later under grounds of "Copyright Infringement." Some say Chris was just one of the casualties of a larger effort to curb widespread and blatant copyright infringement, while others argue the whole forum furor was, indeed, the ''casus belli'' of Sony's latest attack against their customers. The deletion made Chris go off on a pointless butthurt crusade to have his levels re-archived, to no avail.

Several videos that Chris posted were addressed to the ''LBP'' community at large. See most of his ''LBP'' videos, the "Collector's Case" videos in particular, for several good examples. In [[Download For Play Only]], Chris also begged the ''LBP'' community to not modify copies of his level, even though the game allows it.

===On costumes===
[[File:SonicLBPCostumes.jpg|thumb|The costumes that failed to meet Chris's specifications...]]
[[File:SonicCostumeWhining.jpg|thumb|...and Chris's subsequent bitching]]

Much later, in [[March 2010]], Sony released a DLC pack of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] costumes for ''LBP''. While one would think that something like this would fill the Sonic-obsessed Chris with joy, Chris was deeply disappointed with the release, because it didn't help him make [[Sonichu]]. Not content to wallow in misery alone, Chris let Sony know how he felt by posting the following rant to LittleBigWorkshop. In classic Chris style, his only contribution to the community is to bitterly whine about something that nobody else cares about, and his only demand to game developers is to ask for something that would benefit him alone.

{{quotebox|I waited long for something like this sweet Sonic Costume Set to BEST put together my Sonichu Costume for my Sackperson. But I am disappointed on a few things about the Sonic and Werehog costumes that CAN BE FIXED IN AN UPDATE.

Firstly, the respective Headdresses; I was expecting the Spikes and the Ears to be TWO SEPERATE PIECES: Spikes for Hair and Ears for Head. With the two merged together into a HEAD Piece, I can not have the Bunny Ears Required to make the Ears REQUIRED for my Sonichu Costume.

Second, the Spines and Tails for the two costume pieces should be seperate Also; The Spines for NECK and Tails for Waist. Firstly, with THAT TAIL, it makes an Unacceptable Odd appearance of TWO TAILS on the Sonichu Costume. Plus, for my [[Rosechu]] Costume, I would require the Spines to be a Neck Piece, because with the Spines/Tails being a Single TORSO Piece, SHE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WEAR HER DRESS.

I am deeply not satisfied with these portions of the Sonic the Hedgehog and Werehog Costumes.

Christian Weston Chandler. Original Author of Sonichu; see my Cwcipedia at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page
PSN Online ID: Sonichu}}

Sony has, of course, not responded.

==Chris' LittleBigPlanet creations==

: ''See also: [[LittleBigPlanet videos]]''

{{incomplete}}

Chris has created many levels in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and posted play-through videos of them. These videos are truly breathtaking; you rarely see an allegedly enthusiastic video game fan play so clumsily on such awfully designed levels, especially considering they're made by him. With all the trophies in the game already bagged, years of playing and thousands spent on video games, one would think Chris would be able to both play the game at some tolerable skill level and also at least have some gut feeling on what goes into design of an enjoyable game level. But no: it shows how the entirety of his videogame achievements were obtained through merciless, uninterrupted grinding.

Interestingly, Chris's levels show the same problems as his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]] and the videos. They're poorly thought-out, not playtested at all before publishing, show laziness and technical incompetence all around and have a mindblowingly irritating overall look. Chris obviously applies the same "minimum effort" approach to ''LBP'' as he does to everything else. Do note that nearly all of Chris's levels follow the tried-and-true 'combine two franchises' technique, and that all of them have been tagged by LittleBigPlanet players as being 'creepy', 'weird', 'rubbish', and 'frustrating'.

===Sonichu Level===
[[File:SC9.jpg|thumb|A sackboy panics as he's almost crushed by a giant wooden Sonichu. Be warned: Chris's levels kill innocent Sackpeople.]]

Chris began mashing this level together in the era when ''LBP'' was still in beta, and was quite concerned whether or not the beta-era levels would be playable in the final game. [[True and Loyal Fanbase|The Loyal Fanbase]], most of which either lacked their idol's new favorite video game, or were not lucky enough to be in the beta program, waited the release of the game - and Chris's videos of the same - with bated breath. ''And then we got this.''

The Sonichu level was obviously the reason why Chris wanted the game, and an obvious choice for a new and bold direction for Sonichu. Unfortunately, it also appears to be the first ''LBP'' level he made, and the well-kept adage in game modding world is that only fools release their first crappy attempts at making levels. This is especially true if one's idea of a masterpiece is a level full of random inaccessible areas, ugly design, and frustratingly hard platforming.

The level is loosely based on [[Sonichu 0|Episode 1]] of the comic. "Loosely", because Chris's idea of a level based on the comic is a bunch of images copied on level elements and speech bubbles in roughly the same order as they appear in the comic. The rest of the level is just expanses of empty areas, poorly made blocks of material, small poorly-made jumping puzzles and something that may resemble a platformer level if you are [[Yawning Squirtle|stoned]] enough.

TL;DR: Incredibly boring first attempt at making a level, with some Sonichu stuff that appears randomly out of nowhere.

===CWC's Aqua Teen Hunger Force-Styled BurgerTime Level===

Chris continues the "one franchise + another franchise = totally unique and original and wholly his own" train of thought with... [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] and the arcade game BurgerTime??? WTF? Although it was rumored that this level was also left a smoking hole in the ground after Sony lashed out on rip-offs, it's still online and almost impossible to complete due to Chris' incompetent programming; in almost three years, the level has only been completed eight times.

===Sonichu costume===

Chris created a Sonichu costume for his Sackboy. Needless to say, it looked neither like a Sonichu or a costume.

===PS3 History Level===

{{main|PS3 History Level}}

This is the level that catapulted Chris to fame, when it was featured on the ''LittleBigPlanet'' website as one of the honorable mentions in an ''LBP'' contest. The level was vastly improved compared to the Sonichu level, which, however, still isn't saying much. Apparently, Chris figured out how to [[Pixelblocks|build things]], but completely forgot to add enemies, traps, or fun. Rather than including purposeful challenges, CWC decided to make the level so buggy you'd have to be [[autistic]] to sit through it.

The real purpose of this level is advertising his "wonderful" recreations of the PS3, PSP and [[Gitar of Fail|guitar controller]], dispensing prize bubbles, and most importantly, showing his PS3 game collection which includes ''four'' games with hot chicks — so you'd better not doubt his straightness. Chris concludes this level with one of the most epic straight-faced fanboy rants in recent history — the speech bubbles tell us how Chris considers the PS3 to be the best "life upgrade" ever. Clearly, fanboy-ism is more important than quality.

Chris won the ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'' level pack after this demonstration of the power of the weapon that will lead us into the 21st century.

===LittleBigPlanet Collector's Case===

Being an incurable packrat, Chris ran into problems when he was unable to save his accumulated garbage into his ''LBP'' profile. He figured out that since items you've collected can be placed into levels, he should create a "collector's case": a few boxes stacked atop each other, and elevators to make climbing easier. Stick items in bubbles, and photos to the background to remind you what's in it. Chris, of course, believed this was one of the most remarkable ideas ever, and asked everyone to thank him for this amazing original idea and give kudos to their new community mastermind. Never mind that there had been many similar "collector's cases" available in the servers already. Never mind that the idea of persistent storage in game levels had been around for decades.

Chris created two videos in which he demoed the levels, one with the level empty and ready for abuse, one with the cases jam-fucking-packed with Chris's stored items. Also, in the second video, Chris figured out how to hook up the microphone, so Sonichu's mouth now opens and closes in sync with Chris's words (to chilling effect).

===First Date Level===

Made in Valentine's Day 2009 and meant for [[Julie]], this level reaches towards good taste, and rapes it brutally. The level features some seemingly rather difficult-to-navigate buildings. A plagiarized "roller coaster" is the highlight of the level, with '''TWO''' [[BILLY MAYS|extreme]] loops, passing by some of the gaudiest pink trees in existence. Once these 10 seconds of mild amusement are over, [[fail]] inevitably appears. You're led into a [[Gay | pink]] room full of hearts, where you're supposed to take pictures of you and your [[sweetheart]]. Chris is completely unaware of how damn creepy this is.

He also condemns those who dare to play the level in one-player mode by making them take a path where a lever in the 'romantic dinner' scene takes a single player out of the level and into a depressing black-and-white void away from all the action, mocking the player for being single ("No Date? Wow, that sucks. :(" a speech balloon says as rocks pelt the poor bachelor Sackperson) as they mope and hang their head in shame all the way to the course clear screen.

The level was also recycled in [[#Rescuing Kacey|Rescuing Kacey]] video, and Chris also used screenshots of it (and the Kacey level) in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|To Jackie, with Love]].

===Metal Speed Solid===

Oh God, you knew it was coming. Chris corrupts everything, no exceptions. In this abortion of a level, Chris distills the essence of ''MGS'': [[Sonic|linear, boring speed sections]] and impossibly difficult turret sections that instantly kill you. Oh, and rave lights, lots of seizure inducing material, including an almost impossible jetpack race through a maze of electrified walls and glitchy sections where you must travel at 'Sonic speed'. Luckily, no one will ever have to sit through it. Why? Because, if the frustrating, repetitive deaths don't stop you, Chris's poorly made pathways will glitch you into giving up!

===Rescuing Kacey===

Rescuing Kacey was made in November 2009 and presented in video [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. The plot of this video roughly follows the [[Sonichu Special 4|Gun Comic]], which was leaked later. In this level, Chris rides some buses, mercilessly guns down Liquid Chris who is holding Kacey hostage, and receives massive ego-stroking from extremely crude cutout characters who represent Kacey's family. In a segment that was ''not'' in the comic, Chris and Kacey leap in the [[hanky-panky|bed]] in preparation for the date. The level is rather unremarkable until you realize that Chris is controlling Chris, Kacey ''and'' Liquid- just ''why'' did he buy three controllers for PS3?

The second half of the video also recycles the [[#First Date Level|First Date Level]], and makes no attempt at hiding the fact that it was created for Valentine's Day, 2009, which occurred quite a long time ''before'' Chris and Kacey met.

===The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom===
[[File:OwlLevel.jpg|thumb|A sackboy expresses his fury at being forced to play this.]]

"The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom ([[semen|Foretaste]] Version)" was announced on [[Twitter]] in February 9, 2010, and it's based on the compelling prose by Chris and the mysterious sweetheart [[The Wallflower|Wallflower]]. It features owls, [[Chris and writing#Chris as a comic writer|walls of text]] and completely inexplicable (yet inevitable) cameos by two certain electric hedgehog Pokémon. Chris promised a full version, though judging by Chris's previous track record and the fact that Chris's relationship with the Wallflower came to end as a direct result of the release of the level preview, the full level will likely not be completed. Chris has so far not produced a video of this level, but [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FFjCm0Xk3E the fanbase has documented this soulless, sloppy strigine sidestory].

==Sauces==

<references/>

==External links==

*[[Wikipedia:LittleBigPlanet|Wikipedia article on ''LittleBigPlanet'']]

{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

CWCki:Technical

2010-11-22T21:40:04Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Default Skin */

__NEWSECTIONLINK__

{{Community Portal}}

For discussion of errors, extensions, and technical stuff in general(yes we know about the 500 errors).

== upgraded to 1.16.0 ==

seems like all the obvious stuff is fixed but if there are any missing extensions you need please let me know --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 02:39, 2 August 2010 (PDT)

==Audio hosting==
Seeing as how some of the audio recordings that we link to on some pages have been removed from their file hosting sites, I was thinking maybe instead of having people download audio we simply host it here CWCiki side. An example of what I am talking about can be found here.[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:FDR_speech.ogg] [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 10:14, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
: This could be doable, but needs server configuration. From user's point of view, it could be a simple matter of converting the files to Ogg Vorbis and uploading them here. Currently, the upload page doesn't accept .ogg files, and files are limited to 7 MB. In order to make the in-browser support work, we'd need the [http://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Extension:OggHandler OggHandler extension] (which needs ffmpeg and other leet stuff installed on the server as well). --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 03:12, 6 August 2010 (PDT)

==Apache Module versus CGI==
I've been a long time lurker, but the prevalence of 500 Internal Server Errors has prompted me to register an account. I've lurked and searched the CWCki to see if this has been suggested, but I didn't see anyone bring up this potential solution. So I apologize if I'm offering a redundant suggestion. These error messages seem to suggest to me that the Wiki software is running on CGI. A lot of CGI-related performance issues can be remedied by running PHP via an Apache module, rather than as a CGI binary. The PHP CGI binary is invoked, processes a script, and then shuts down every time a page is requested. Apache modules are continuous, thread safe processes (thread safety can be build dependent). I'm not sure if this hosting provider offers such a configuration option, but it may be worth looking into one that does if this becomes an increasingly prominent issue. FastCGI may be a worthwhile alternative to the current configuration if an Apache module is not an option because of some inherent limitations with Wiki software. [[User:Sheex|Sheex]] 10:28, 24 August 2010 (PDT)

== 500 internal server error poll ==
Please note what page you received it on and what your action was (view/edit/etc...). [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 14:25, 5 October 2010 (PDT)
*Main Page/View - It happens sometimes when I try going here on a new window. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 18:14, 5 October 2010 (EST)
:*I almost always get it when saving an edit, sometimes when I log in. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam & Eggs]] 17:10, 5 October 2010 (PDT)
::*Same here.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 18:08, 5 October 2010 (PDT)
:::*That's actually been happening to me quite a bit, recently. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 21:23, 5 October 2010 (EST)
::::Extra processing and memory is used while saving a page, and since lack of memory is the likely cause of the error - it's unsurprising that you encounter it when doing the above. Implementing global caching would help alleviate server load, as currently every page request from logged in users is generating server processing. Longer pages have more chance of generating the error - as they are larger, and take up more memory while being processed. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 18:30, 5 October 2010 (PDT)
:::::I'll back up the main page and saving edits. I almost never get them otherwise recently. Sometimes I get them if I try to open a page in a tab. The way I browse, I open links I want to read in tabs in tabs to where I can continue reading the page I'm on without having to come back and remember where I was. The tabs will 500 error about 25% of the time. [[User:BubblegumPinkButler|BubblegumPinkButler]] 14:22, 6 October 2010 (PDT)
* Got one this morning on the Main page. I didn't do anything in particular other than trying to open it. --[[User:ErsatzHouse|ErsatzHouse]] 12:55, 8 October 2010 (PDT)

== Is the CWCki faster now? ==
Is it? Do you get the 500 internal server error still? [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:39, 5 October 2010 (PDT)
*It's better. Though it still takes a little while to load longer pages after editing, and I've only experienced one error message while searching for some video. It's a good start, though. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 00:02, 6 October 2010 (EST)
::Yes it's very fast when not doing things like editing/saving pages (as to be expected). The changes made should hopefully mean fewer errors for everyone, and it seems like a much faster article-browsing experience too. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 21:18, 5 October 2010 (PDT)
*I still get a lot of 500 Internal Server Errors. Not as many as before but it still happens a noticeable amount. It's as fast as it was before; I don't see any difference. [[User:Yossarian|Yossarian]] 13:26, 6 October 2010 (PDT)
*I've only gotten one today. Usually I get at least three.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 21:35, 9 October 2010 (PDT)
**Okay, today I got bitchslapped by the error when trying to edit that stupid prank call page.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 21:24, 15 October 2010 (PDT)
*I only seem to get 500 errors when requesting pages which are not static (i.e. edit pages, recent changes, histories, diffs). The odd 500 error I get when browsing regular articles tends to be on ones that are subject to a lot of recent edits, such as a new video article. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 05:52, 13 October 2010 (PDT)

== Default Skin ==

I think we should make Vector the default skin for the CWCki, as MonoBook is pretty dated and Vector gives wikis a very clean appearance. A lot of wikis are adopting Vector for this reason. The layout differences are fairly minor, so it really shouldn't give anyone much trouble by making it the default. Users who really dislike it can still change back to MonoBook in their prefs.

* [http://www.sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Main%20Page&useskin=vector Preview Vector on the Main Page]
* [http://www.sonichu.com/w/index.php?title={{FULLPAGENAME}}&useskin=vector Preview Vector on this page]
* [http://polldaddy.com/poll/4120043/ Vote here]
Your thoughts please! --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 20:11, 19 November 2010 (PST)
:Personally I find Monobook more simplistic and nice, as well as more familiar. But we'll see. -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 21:03, 19 November 2010 (PST)
:Vector is clunky and confusing. I prefer Monobook. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 21:38, 19 November 2010 (PST)
:Monobook is only used by autistics. Vector should be the new default skin.--[[User:Inos|Inos]] 22:09, 19 November 2010 (PST)
:Vector's kinda pretty! --[[User:NerdyNautilus|NerdyNautilus]] 10:36, 19 November, 2010 (PST)
:<s>I could defend either one but they're both shitty white default skins so I honestly don't give a damn. If I had to choose I'd say the one we have now is fine, there's no reason to change it for the sake of changing it. That's how Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts raped my childhood.</s> Fuckfuck fuck that noise. I forgot vector moves the searchbar to the top, and it was confusing as fuck when Wikipedia did it. Vector can eat a dick.--[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 23:45, 19 November 2010 (PST)
::The search box movement is about the only major layout change in Vector. There's a reason why Wikipedia changed the default to Vector - it's nicer. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 06:34, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:Vector is made of AIDS. Monobook works just fine. --[[User:Reimu H|Reimu H]] 05:40, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::I don't see how Vector is made of AIDS. Just because something works is not a reason to not consider changing it. While some people clearly prefer MonoBook because it's been the default for so long, I was hoping that people would see that it does give a cleaner appearance to the CWCki and that from the average reader's perspective - it can be more aesthetically pleasing. The design of Vector is more fluid than MonoBook, with less grey and more light colours. The removal of the grey book background is one noticeable change that definitely lightens up articles. With Wikipedia and several other major wikis already using Vector, it should make the CWCki feel more familiar for the average reader. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 06:34, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:::I don't know, it feels like Vector is just using cheap gradient tricks and light blue colors to seem nicer, but really it's actually making everything bigger and less streamlined. I tink the only people who are really going to come to CWCki are nerds of course, and they probably more appreciate the monobook look. -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 08:36, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::::Use of gradients is fairly minor, and is done because the skin is not meant to be very heavy. It doesn't really make things bigger - the default size for menu links is indeed larger than MonoBook, but it adds to the clean and clear factor of Vector. The sidebar is about the same width. Vector seems very streamlined to me. I disagree with both the claim that the majority of our visitors are nerds and the claim that they will appreciate monobook more. If they're familiar with Wikipedia, they'd be more likely to appreciate Vector. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 08:50, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:I say we keep Monobook, the movement of the search bar is the big problem with Vector. At least we're not using Oasis, which is Wikia's new skin. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam & Eggs]] 07:14, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:There are a number of issues I have with Vector. First of all, raising the search bar makes it so that I have to scroll to the top of even small articles to search, which is a minor irritant, but an irritant nonetheless. Secondly, the breaking up of the "Page/Discussion" and "Edit/View History" makes it more difficult to quickly navigate an article (I use a trackpad, so moving across the screen is not really something I like to do). Thirdly, the "Watch" button is hidden in the little menu next to "View History" - and it's the only thing there. That just bothers me, and besides, when I want to watch a page, I'd like to only have to click once. I suppose the only other two changes that I can see that matter are that 1) the bottom bar is now different (to which I am indifferent, as I never use that bar anyway) and 2) the Donation ad appears to be gone, although that might be easily corrected (and again, I am indifferent). I honestly think what we have appears more professional (looks like a portfolio to me) and is more compact (because it is). To me, Vector/Monobook is like Mac/Windows. Protip: Windows is better. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 07:33, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::You know that the little dropdown next to View history should be on-hover and not on-click, so it should still only be one click. The dropdown contains more options if you're an admin. I rarely use the watched pages feature though - so I guess I've never really been worried about where the link is for it. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 07:37, 20 November 2010 (PST)
Thing is this isn't a professional & widely-used wiki like Wikipedia. It's a wiki dedicated to doccumenting the trolling of a fat retard from Virginia. Besides, you said we'd be able to change it back to Monobook if the default layout was changed right? Why can't there just be an alternative option to change the layout to Vector for those who want it instead of changing the default layout to Vector? --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 07:59, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:You can manually configure Vector to be your default skin already. The idea of setting Vector to be our default skin would be to make the CWCki nicer to the majority of users who simply come here as readers, who may not have accounts, and who may be unaware of the fact wikis allow you to change your skin. The vast majority of visitors to CWCki are readers, and I think it would be nicer for them to experience CWCki with Vector. I don't think the subject of this wiki makes either skin a better or worse choice. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 08:50, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::/shrug. Set up a vote on the Main Page then. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 09:04, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:Meh. Personally, I hate Vector, but it'll make the wiki look more pro. Anyone as particular as me about it can just change it ourselves. [[User:Enibure|Enibure]] 09:34, 20 November 2010 (PST)

: I feel that Vector has a "food court" aesthetic that I don't like, plus everybody is used to Monobook already. I support the "keep Monobook, but let people change to vector if they want" motion. Is there a problem with Monobook, or is it just a matter of keeping up with the Joneses? -[[User: GrotchManchowder|GrotchManchowder]] 12:36 PM, 20 November 2010 (EST)
:I support the "vote on the Main Page" idea. If you're worried that staying like this will be worse for the average, account-free Joe, just make it say something like "Hey anon faggot come vote here" or some shit. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 09:53, 20 November 2010 (PST)

: I don't like how Vector has the search bar at the top right. It's a lot more convenient when it's near the navigation and toolbox windows. [[User:Mr3urious|Mr3urious]] 10:11, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:: Then again, I ''am'' getting used to Wikipedia's layout. [[User:Mr3urious|Mr3urious]] 10:13, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:Everything but not what the Wikipedia is using right now. I hate it even more that these huge-ass "personal appeals" from Jimbo begging for my money that I keep clicking on accidentally. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 10:22, 20 November 2010 (PST)

:I don't really have a preference. Vector has a nice professional feeling to it (but then, none of us are professionals, just bored trolls following the misadventures of an overweight manchild... but that's off-topic), but Monobook has more nostalgic appeal to me. Whatever's best. [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 10:58, 20 November 2010 (PST)

:I vote for vector! [[User:PeachyKeen|PeachyKeen]] 11:17, 20 November 2010 (PST)

:Both are equally good. [[User:OrsonZedd|OrsonZedd]] 11:54, 20 November 2010 (PST)

:Vector is awesome, and I use it in every wiki that supports it, mostly because you don't really need to look for the search box (in some MonoBook sites, its location kind of depends on what the admins have been drinking over the past week). But I don't know if I have any preference either way as to whether it should be made default. People who are logged out can't edit the wiki and people who are logged in can change the preference, so it's hard to start weighing the usability and the skins don't really affect the way the articles look like. No harm going either way. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 11:58, 20 November 2010 (PST)

Vector looks bloated. Like Chris. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 12:34, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:You make it sound suitable for CWCki then :P Also seems like we have [http://polldaddy.com/poll/4120043/ a poll up for voting]! --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 13:27, 20 November 2010 (PST)

Essentially I'm tempted to push for the change to Vector as default anyway. We have to look at this from the perspective of "what is best for new users/readers" rather than what is best for the small number of users who hold accounts and choose to voice their opinions. Overall, Vector is widely accepted as being far better for users than MonoBook is - Wikipedia would not have been as bold as to switch to it if that wasn't the case. Don't forget that if anyone really doesn't like Vector, they can easily switch back to MonoBook in their userprefs. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:37, 20 November 2010 (PST)
*Hence the vote, which doesn't require an account. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:39, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::Doesn't mean that the right people will vote though. For instance, a lot of people enter the CWCki sideways, via search engines to certain pages rather than the main page. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:50, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:::The people who look at one article and leave won't even use the search bar. This change appeals to the regs, and the regs will almost definitely check the front page for updates on Chris. I think this gives us as accurate a representation as possible. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 16:00, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::::The change affects everyone, it will be more noticeable to the regs, but overall it's a change that will improve familiarity and usability for the majority of users. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:03, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:::::I think a vote is the best way to get the general consensus. If you think it will increase validity by putting the vote on every page, by all means do so. If the vote is meaningless because the sultanism of CWCki deigns it so, take it off the front page. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 16:09, 20 November 2010 (PST)
:I didn't come up with the poll idea - but I think it is the wrong way to really determine whether we switch or not. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:20, 20 November 2010 (PST)
::The poll results are certainly surprising to me so far. Perhaps Vector is the way to go after all. -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 09:27, 21 November 2010 (PST)

Just make it an option in people's settings. IMO, Vector looks retarded. I'd perfer to keep it as it is. [[User:Smtp|Smtp]] 18:58, 21 November 2010 (PST)

When Vector was introduced in Wikipedia I hated it with a passion, especially for the position of the search box. Now I got used to it, and it does look a tad sleeker than MonoBook. Whatever the poll says. --[[User:ErsatzHouse|ErsatzHouse]] 04:41, 22 November 2010 (PST)

I agree with Smtp. Vector looks like a mess in comparison to Monobook. Also, yeah, just make it an option in the preferences or something. [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] 13:39, 22 November 2010 (PST)

JERKS

2010-11-10T15:39:19Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Insensitive or disrespectful */ Adding a few more examples of racist behaviour.

[[Image:140-AJerk.jpg|thumb|Chris even divides his [[trading card game]] monsters into JERKS and females]]

'''JERK''' is [[Chris's]] term for men in general, including those who are not [[niggo]]s, [[homos]] or [[jerkops]]. The canonical definition is "a MAN, other than myself, CWC, and my father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]]"<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref>

For example, Chris labeled every single one of his male [[MySpace]] friends as a JERK in his personal list. A few "respectable males" are apparently exempt from JERK status, such as [[George W. Bush]] and [[Barack Obama]] (and possibly [[Congrats, Jack Black|Jack Black]]).

One reason is the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].

==Use as a denominator==

Although he has defined the term "jerk" to mean all men save him and his father, the usage of the term seems to apply to any person who gets in the way of Chris doing something that he wants to do. If Chris wants [[china]] and can't get it because the object of his affection has a significant other, that significant other is a jerk. Chris wanted to win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], but [[Adam Stackhouse]] got in the way, therefore he is a jerk — allegedly because he broke the rules of the contest and used music, actually because he spoiled Chris's plans for sex with [[Megan Schroeder]]. Whether your intention was to obstruct Chris's efforts or not, you are a jerk for presenting a barrier to his goal.

Even being more talented than Chris, or more socially well-adjusted (no great feat, considering Chris) is enough to make one a jerk in Chris's eyes. Men with girlfriends did not specifically intend to cock-block Chris; they only did what well-adjusted people do and asked out a girl they liked. Adam Stackhouse simply made a good video for a competition he wanted to win and had no intention of thwarting an autistic's plans to seduce his best friend (again, the PaRappa showdown). In Chris's [[Ego|self-centered]] way of thinking, though, they were all out to get him.

Chris has stated that all men are jerks [[I am STRAIGHT|"because they are rude, crude, and inconsiderate... causing wars and such"]]. However, all world leaders are among the few males he respects. This carries the implication that he considers most normal men, rather than national leaders, as responsible for most wars.

==Use as a prefix/suffix==

Chris derides certain professions by using "jerk" as a prefix (as with [[jerkop]]) or a suffix (as with [[manajerk]]). The addition of the prefix/suffix comes from their actions which, again, prevented Chris from getting what he wanted. Never mind the fact that managers and police officers are simply doing their job when they stop creepy patrons from [[Attraction_sign|soliciting members of the public for sex]]. They have obstructed his quest for [[china]] and so are jerks. Due to repeated encounters with these professions, Chris has taken to describing any member of their ranks as a jerk.

==Varying usage==

Despite the fact that Chris has openly declared that '''all''' men are jerks, in practice he doesn't seem to automatically apply the term to every man he meets. [[Robert Simmons V]] was held in some regard before he turned troll against Chris. [[Joseph Herring]] was considered a high-school friend (although Chris drew him as an ugly zit-scarred freak in his comic). Chris considered [[Joshua Martinez]] a friend (though he still tried to get [[ED]] to ruin him) as long as he thought Josh would help him score some china. John Schroeder, [[Megan]]'s brother, was even the main character in one of Chris's fake [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|video games]]. Once again, however, that was probably a side-effect of Chris's lust for Megan.

Given that Chris doesn't rigidly adhere to his original definition of the word, we can reach one of two conclusions:

1. Chris does not necessarily regard all men as jerks.

2. Chris still considers them jerks, but will play along for selfish reasons until they can no longer help him.

Based on what we know, most of us are betting on the latter.

==Connection to behavior==

Wiktionary defines a [[wiktionary:jerk|jerk]] as '''A [[Chris|person]] with [[lies|unlikable]] or [[Honest Content|obnoxious]] qualities and behavior, typically [[Chris and Anger|mean]], [[Chris and his Ego|self-centered]] or disagreeable, and often not very [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]'''

In the cases of people Chris has labeled a jerk, this is often very far from the truth. People Chris has labeled in this way have been known for all manner of redeemable qualities such as [[Bagget|heroism]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|having a good sense of responsibility]] to the people under their care and being [[Adam Stackhouse|uniquely talented]]. Indeed, simply having a girlfriend hardly seems a good reason to be labeled a jerk. Then again, Chris is not well-known for acknowledging the accomplishments of those other than himself.

==Chris as the embodiment of JERK==

Ironically, or perhaps better put, hypocritically, Chris's actions make him more deserving of the term jerk than most people he applies it to.

===Unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior===

The fact that he receives a [[monthly tugboat]] for nothing while [[Chris_and_money#But_wait.2C_Chris_isn.27t_employed.21|feeling he deserves it]] has been a major sticking point for all CWC-watchers. Having a [[Speech_Impediment|whiny]] voice and [[Chris_and_English|a terrible command of English]] while touting himself as [[Honor roll|talented and well educated]] are a major cause of further irritation. Also, the fact that he feels deserving of so many things while [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|doing so little to achieve them]] make most scream in agony at the levels of obnoxiousness.

===Mean===

Chris repeatedly [[Death threats|makes threats]] and has [[Chris and anger|outbursts of anger]].

===Self-centered===

Any man who makes his own [[CWCville|universe]] where he rules as a god is probably not the most considerate of others.

Also, [[Ryan_Cash|this]], [[PANDAHALO#Death|this]] and [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|especially this]].

===Disagreeable===

The fact that Chris can't stop hating on [[Homo|homos]], hurls [[Chris and race#Not a racist?|racial slurs]], has a very [[Chris_and_sex|skewed opinion on women]], selectively [[Chris_and_religion|adapts the bible]] to fit his own beliefs and just generally shows no common sense regarding any topic makes him highly disagreeable to almost anyone of any opinion. This may also now disqualify Bush from exemption from the rule, as Bush has previously stated his strong support for the abstinence of young women — something against which Chris is very, very firmly set.

===Insensitive or disrespectful===

Hoo boy is this a big one. Between his [[Twin Falling Towers|mockery of 9/11]], [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|disrespect for the victims of the Titanic's sinking]], [[Niggos|outbursts]] [[War Paint Video|of]] [[Song for Jackie.MOV|racist]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|behavior]] and other callous acts to meet his own ends, they make Chris a big-time jerk for this reason alone. Also, Chris had a lot of disrespect for Kacey's dad [[Father Call|upon first meeting him]].

===Often not very intelligent===

[[List of Chris's sweethearts|More]] [[fail|like]] [[Honor roll|all]] [[Attraction Sign|of]] [[trolls|the]] [[CWC-isms|time.]]

==The list of males Chris doesn't hate==

The most recent version of T.L.O.M.C.D.H. was provided in [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|Chris's annotations to his ED article]]. There it goes as follows:
# [[Chris]] himself;
# [[Bob Chandler|his father]];
# "[[Santa Clause]]" [sic];
# [[Jesus]];
# [[God]];
# [[Barack Obama|the President of the United States]];
# [[Molvanîa|all the World Leaders]];
# ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.

By thoroughly analyzing this information, we can conclude that:
* ... [[Fail|he still believes in "Santa Clause"]];
* ... he places "Santa Clause" over [[God]] or [[Jesus]], since he put the former before the latter in this list;
* ... he thinks God has a clearly-defined gender and is male;
* ... he thinks God and Jesus are separate beings;
* ... he hates all other male Saints, as well as Apostles, Martyrs, Angels (if he believes they have a gender), priests, monks, etc. etc.;
* ... he only likes the current holder of the U.S. Presidential seat, meaning he could hate [[Bush]] now that [[Obama]] is President;
* ... he hates all the other male persons in the U.S. Government, starting with the V.P.;
* ... he holds leaders such as [[CWCville|Kim Jong-il and Robert Mugabe]] in higher esteem than the majority of the male population of Earth;
* ... if Chris had lived in the 1930-40s, he wouldn't hate Hitler, Tojo or Mussolini (but would hate the Allied troops who fought them);
* ... he most likely assumes "all the World Leaders" are [[Women's rights|male]];
* ... he doesn't hate some IRL [[trolls]] like [[Mimms]] or [[Joshua Martinez]], as they were his friends/acquaintances in the past;
* ... he still hates most of the male population of Earth, including most honorable and heroic people.

However, in the same [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|annotations]], Chris confusingly states that his [[Noviophobia]] is "Out-Of-Date." He goes on to say that he only hates trolls and da haytahs now, but also states that he is "cool" with the "hating 99% of the world's men" theory. In any case, the list is at least applicable to ''some'' point in Chris's biography, even if he [[Lies|"got over it"]];

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

A Workout

2010-10-20T19:42:39Z

Der Zuschauer: GRAMMER NAZI 2 TEH RESQUEZ =D

'''A Workout''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 19 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris appears to have stuffed his [[muscle bra]] again and performs [[Chris_and_health#Exercise|a workout routine]] to "Ass 'N' Titties" by [[Wikipedia:DJ Assault|DJ Assault]], specifically a [[YouTube]] video which includes dancing by various ''World of Warcraft'' characters. Why stuffing his bra with fake breasts for a work-out video was a necessity is a mystery whose answer is only known by Chris.

With the aid of readily available fitness calculators, [[Trolls|top men]] estimate Chris burned roughly 32 calories. Approximately one tenth of a serving of [[My Coke Rewards|cola]]. Further perspective can be gained by comparing how long it takes other activities to burn 32 calories: [[Chris_and_art|Drawing]] (7 minutes), [[PS3|Playing video games]] (11 minutes), [[Mass Debating]] (12 minutes), [[Chris_and_television|Lying motionlessly while watching TV]] (15 minutes) and [[Chris_and_religion|Kneeling while praying]] (15 minutes).

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Workout
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_2PMKRwgAEw}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = VA Red Cross Blood Donor, {{Cwcbra|text}}
| previous = [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|Pregnant Act]]
| next = Current
}}

=== Transcript ===
'''''0:00-0:10''' Video starts with Chris putting on Ass 'n' Titties by DJ Assault. Chris faces the camera with his stuffed [[Muscle_bra|muscle bra]] and starts [[Fail|exercising]] by punching spastically in time to the beats. ''

'''''0:11-0:24''' He then begins doing his version of jumping jacks.''

'''''0:25-0:59''' Chris starts swaying his hips from side to side before doing several [[CWC_Fighter|Chun Li kicks]]. He noticeably begins to slow down here but continues on and adds spastic punches as well.''

'''''1:00-1:27''' He starts twisting side to side with stuffed muscle bra in full view. [[Slow_in_the_minds|Chris loses the beat]] of the track at this point.''

'''''1:28-1:54''' Next up he starts stretching his arms to the ground and back up. Though he speeds up again for a few seconds, he goes back to slow relatively quickly.''

'''''1:55-2:11''' Chris starts stretching his arms down each arm individually.''

'''''2:12-2:19''' Here he stretches out his back with his [[Obesity|fat autistic gut]] on display.''

'''''2:20-2:43''' Next he begins twisting side to side again momentarily before doing jumping jacks again with poor posture.''

'''''2:44-3:05''' Begins punching again, taking a brief look at his screen. Starts punching side to side.''

'''''3:06-3:23''' Chris twists side to side again, this time with his arms open and being twice as slow as the rhythm.''

'''''3:24-3:29''' Punches upwards and then back forwards. Music stops. Chris faces the camera and gropes his own man tits.''

Feel her boobies!

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 12 Second Power Workout With Christian Weston Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EJNtY52H2Oc}}
| Maker = ChristopherCooler
| Stardate = 19 October 2010
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan is Loco-Motion
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QkEG1t2botM}}
| Maker = DrNurse
| Stardate = 19 [[October 2010]]
| Video Type = Workout Video
}}

==See also==
*[[CWC Fighter]]
*[[11042009 51 50‎|51 50]]
*[[30 Push-Ups]]
*[[Power]]
*[[I AM STRONG]]

==External link==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJ5-iZYHBEc The video in the background]
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Pregnant Act#The Remake|Pregnant Act]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

100 2281

2010-10-20T19:33:22Z

Der Zuschauer: More links to things. Because the call of the edit button is too much to resist.

'''100 2281''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 15 [[October 2010]]. In it, he shows us how he acts drunk, guzzling down [[alcohol|Kahlúa]] with great abandon and dressing up and speaking like a [[niggo|"gangsta"]]. Though, the way he speaks sounds more like Cleveland Brown of ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and ''[[Family Guy]]'' fame.

During the video, Chris looks like he is about to cry while he's telling off Lars.

Note that this video takes place in Chris's kitchen, and visible in the background is the Christmas Tree seen in the [[Tour of Chris's House]] in early 2009.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2281
| video = {{#ev:youtube|taoCoVHpYXw}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt =
| Location = [[Chris's kitchen|La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]
| previous = [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat]]
| next = [[Pregnant_Act|Pregnant Act]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is sitting down in front of the computer in his family's kitchen. He has a [[Adam Stackhouse|colorful bandana]] wrapped around his head, and holds a bottle of Kahlúa coffee liqueur in his right hand. He appears to be trying to act like a [[niggo]], and ends up looking like a drunk fuck.'']

Hey, yo, [[Lars]] m'man, wud on th' street y'is... Y'all... buh- Word on the street here is, y'all trying to ju- mi-, tryin' to misjudge me wit' dat dang old jivin' lingo dat the [[trolls]] been using. You calling me a god-dang [[homos|yomosettsual]], I tell you what, bro, that ain't the truth. I'm straight, man, I was born straight. I loves my woman, and I loves the [[china|pussy]].

[''He takes a swig from the bottle, then winces and grimaces before returning to his rant.'']

And this aka-chaka coffee ya drink, huh... Tell you what, if that be... If that was considered equivalent to an aka-chaka milk, I tell ya, that's jive, man. And then y'all drank, y'all drank, man... [''He waves the bottle towards the camera.''] You [[Son-Chu|drivin']]! You jivin'!

I mean, if you haddita, I mean... C'mon man, you go and dang...[''brief pause'']...go put your boats over [[Jackie]] like dat. Dat's straight down, yo. [''Gives two thumbs down.''] Thuuuumbs down. You ain't got nuthin', bro. You got nuthin'. So quit trying to win Jackie back with them got-dang lies those trolls come up with. You know what? That just makes you one of them. And they be trollin' you back. They troll you back, [[Patti-Chan|dawg]].

[''Chris pauses again.'']

You think about that. You think about dat, you jive-ass turkey!

[''He reaches up and turns off the camera.'']

===Translation===

Hey, Lars. I hear you're misjudging me using harsh language much like that used by trolls. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm straight and have been since birth. I love women and, therefore, love vagina. I scoff at this acacia coffee you drink. If you want to imply that my Kahlúa is an equivalent to acacia milk, well that's just false. You cared more about your boats than you cared about Jackie. You have no ammunition in this fight. I suggest you stop trying to win back Jackie's heart using the lies perpetuated by the trolls. In fact, I'd say that you were trying to be one of them, but they may just end up trolling you. Reflect on these words, good sir.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat]]|nextlink=[[Pregnant Act]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat

2010-10-20T19:28:52Z

Der Zuschauer:

'''I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 14 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris has seemingly abandoned his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]s for magic spells, invoking [[Harry Potter]], a franchise [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he once despised]] because he thought it was a threat to the success of [[Pokémon]]. He has also apparently renounced his [[XBox is OK.MOV|renunciation of his hatred]] for the [[homos]].

Chris is wearing some sort of robe (perhaps his bathrobe) over his shirt. Contrary to the title of the video, though, at no point does he put on any kind of hat.

The title of the video is a bit strange, considering the phrase is a reference to a sex chat where a troll began with "[http://bash.org/?104383| I put on my my robe and wizard hat.]" It may just be an instance of a joke flying over Chris's [[Hair|balding]] head, [[Family Guy|as]] [[The Simpsons|they]] [[South Park|so]] [[Excel Saga|often]] [[Monty Python's Flying Circus|do]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZHGSwkjKw7c}}
| stardate = 14 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{RedYellowStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2279‎]]
| next = [[100 2281‎]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|100px|[[Bob]] puts on ''his'' [[Chris and Race#Parental influence|Wizard's cloak and magic hat]]]]

[''Chris comes into view, wearing a robe over his shirt and waving his PlayStation Move controller. He's heavily backlit, so we mainly just see his silhouette.'']

Aye, I have been in the world of Hogwarts and I have a learned a spell or two, and I shall [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cast ye spell]].

[''He makes some motions with the Move controller.'']

On all ye vandals out there, who have cursed my name. For I am a straight man! And you all are the homosexuals, because you mislabel me and misjudge me. And now you shall be [[Chris and English|bespelled, and be spelled!]]

[''He pauses to wave his wand some more.'']

You speak ill of me and you speak of bad judgment, you shall have a pain in the leg! Ericcus trollisus ericcus bustisus!

[''Having finished his incantation, Chris leans over and turns off the camera.'']

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2279‎]]|nextlink=[[100 2281‎]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Hotel Ricky Ricardo

2010-08-10T19:21:16Z

Der Zuschauer: The "father" link in section IV in the English version pointed to "Robert", which redirected to Robert Simmons V, instead of Bob Chandler.

[[Image:HotelRickyRicardo.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression. Those who try to check out end up like the guy by the road. ''You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave...'']]
'''Hotel Ricky Ricardo''' (also translated as '''Hotel Richy Ricardo''') is a Spanish class assignment in which [[Chris]] describes a hotel as he would run it. It was discovered in the site archives released by [[Clyde Cash]] in [[October 2009]]. The whole thing is a bizarre combination of Chris's horrible version of Spanish (requiring liberal insertions of [sic]), combined with the relatively innocent naiveté of a seemingly normal childhood, as demonstrated by choosing to inhabit his fictional hotel with children's video game characters. This sort of thing is common amongst children as old as 8, which should really tell you something about Chris's mental maturity, as he wrote this when he was "barely" 18 years old.

Chris also includes himself when listing activities for employees and clients (although he doesn't always clarify which is which) as well as some other people he knows. Amongst the other, mundane activities such as Chris playing videogames with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], or [[Rosechu|Amy Rose]] going shopping is one strangely poignant mention of Chris's [[Barbara|mother]] getting angry and yelling at his [[Robert|father]].

Of note, Chris places himself in the category of "great artists", alongside Michelangelo and DaVinci. [[Chris and art|You keep telling yourself that, Chris]].

==Original text==

:[[Ricardo]] W. Chandler.
:12/3/Y2K Español II, 7.
:Hotel Richy Ricardo Rough Draft:

===I. La Guia Michelin:===

:Richy Ricardo, pl Estación, 4692, 634 92 10,
:Telex 83392-

Com 2100, 200 hab, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Descripción del Hotel:===

El hotel, Richy Ricardo, es un hotel de gran confort. Tiene un restaurante y está en la Plaza Estación. El número de teléfono es 634 92 10. Tiene un ascensor, una piscina y un garaje. En las habitaciones, hay un televisor, aire acondicionado, y un sistema de los juegos de videos, Sega Dreamcast. Y con el Dreamcast hay muchos juegos de videos y acceso al internet. Puede comprar o alquilar un Jump Pack o un VMU para el Dreamcast en el recepción. Hay un teléfono a las habitaciones. En este hotel hay 200 habitaciones. Una habitación cuesta entre 15.500 y 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 y 2,100 dolares americanos). El desayuno está incluido en el precio de la habitación. Aceptan tres tarjetas de crédito: American Express, Visa y Discovery. También aceptan unos cheques de viajero.

===III En Nuestras Habitaciones Hay...:===

# En las habitaciones hay una cama matrimonial y dos camas sencillas.
# En las habitaciones hay un clóset grande y un escritorio.
# En las habitaciones hay una mesita de noche pequeña.
# En las habitaciones hay una cómoda grande y cuatro cajones.
# En las habitaciones hay dos sillas, una mesita de café, un sillón comodo y un sofá.
# En las habitaciones hay unos cuadros do los artistas buenos: DeVinci, Michalanglo y C.W. Chandler.
# En las habitaciones hay una ducha, un W.C., un lavabo y un espejo largo.
# En las habitaciones hay un televisor pesado.
# En las habitaciones hay una sistema de los juegos do videos: Sega Dreamcast con unos juegos de videos; muy moderno.
# En las habitaciones hay un estante formal.

===IV Las Actividades de nuestros Empleados y nuestros Clientes del Hotel:===

# Nuestro cliente, Sonic el Puerco Espino juege a la guitarra para las chicas bonitas cerca de la piscina.
# Nuestro cliente, Amy Rose va de compras en las tiendas de departamento cerca del hotel.
# Nuestro emplejado, Jose hace las comidas en la cocina.
# La Sra. Cox juege al juego de video, Hydro Thunder con su hijo pequeño, Christian Cox.
# El Sr. Cox juege al tenis en el parque que está lejos del hotel.
# Cada noche, Sr. [[Red Skelton]] dice muchos chistes comicos en nuestro restraunte.
# Yo hago mi website de Pokémon, El PokéSite de RWC 2!
# Knuckles sube el muro del hotel.
# Tails cria los chaoes en el jardín del Chao.
# La empleada, Tiffany lava las toallas, las ropas y las cortinas del hotel.
# La empleada, Kellie arregla los muebles en las habitaciones.
# Mi madre discute con mi padre cuándo están enojados.
# Los chaoes nadan en el lago del jardín.
# Christian Cox está enojado si no durmió bien.
# Sonic y yo jugamos al juego de video, Sonic Adventure; Sonic tiene mas puntos que mi.

===V El Presidente del Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

¡Hola! Me llamo Ricardo. Yo tengo 18 años. Soy alto y delgado. Tengo el pelo pardo, un ojo azul y un ojo verde. Soy honesto; a mi, me gusta decir la verdad. Soy inteligente; yo sé las matemáticas, Español, fotografía y la computadora. Soy divertido; yo juego unos juegos de videos y el juego de las tarjetas de Pokémon. Soy un artista; me gusta hacer mucho arte. Tenga un buen día.

==Translation==

===I. The Michelin Guide:===

Richy Ricardo, Station pl, 4692, 634 92 10,
Telex 83392-

Com 2100 200 rooms, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Hotel Description:===

This hotel, [[I Love Lucy|Richy Ricardo]], is a hotel of great comfort. It has a restaurant which is in the [[Station Square|Station Plaza]]. The telephone number is 634 92 10. It has an elevator, a pool and a [[Son-chu|garage]]. In the rooms, there is a television set, air conditioning, and a video game system, Sega Dreamcast. And for the Dreamcast there are many games and Internet access. You can buy or rent a Jump Pack or a VMU for the dreamcast at the lobby. There is a telephone in each room. In this hotel there are 200 rooms. A room costs between [[Chris and money|15.500 and 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 and 2,100 american dollars)]]. Breakfast is included with the room price. They accept three credit cards: American Express, Visa and Discovery. They also accept some traveler checks.

===III In our rooms there are...:===

# In the rooms there is a [[Fuck Quest|double sized bed]] and two single beds.
# In the rooms there is a [[Chris's Room|big closet]] and a desk.
# In the rooms there is a small nightstand.
# In the rooms there is a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|big commode]] and [it should say "with"] four drawers.
# In the rooms there are two chairs, a coffee table, a comfy loveseat and a couch.
# In the rooms there are paintings made by the best artists: DeVinci (sic), Michalanglo (sic) and [[Chris and his ego|C.W. Chandler.]]
# In the rooms there is a [[Axe|shower]], a toilet, a sink and a long [probably meant to say "large"] mirror.
# In the rooms there is a heavy[?] television set.
# In the rooms there is a video game system: Sega Dreamcast with some video games; very modern.
# In the rooms there is a formal shelf.

===IV Our employees and client's activities:===

# Our client, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic the Hedge Hog]] [sic] plays [misspelled; should've used "toca" instead] the [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] for the pretty girls near the pool.
# Our client, [[women's rights|Amy goes shopping in the department stores near the hotel.]]
# Our employee, Jose makes the foods in the kitchen.
# Mrs. [[Duck|Cox]] plays the video game, Hydro Thunder with his small son, Christian Cox.
# Mr. Cox plays [misspelled here as "juegue"] tennis in the park which is far from away from the hotel.
# Each night, Mr. [[Red Skelton]] says lots of funny jokes in our restaurant.
# I make my Pokémon website, RWC's Pokésite 2!
# Knuckles climbs the hotel's wall.
# Tails raises the Chaoes in the Chao garden [translated as Chao's garden by Chris, as if Chao was an actual person].
# The employee, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]] washes the towels, clothes and the hotel's curtains.
# The employee, [[Kellie Andes|Kellie]] fixes the rooms' furniture.
# My [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] argues with my [[Bob Chandler|father]] when they are [[Chris and Anger|angry]].
# The Chaoes swim in the garden's lake.
# Christian Cox is mad if he didn't sleep well.
# Sonic and I play the video game, Sonic Adventure; [[fail|Sonic has more points than me]].

===V The President of the Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

Hello! My name is Ricardo. I am 18 years old. I am tall and [[obesity|slim]]. I have brown hair, [[heterochromia|one blue eye and one green eye]]. I am [[honest content|honest]]; I, [[Lie|like to tell the truth]]. I am smart; I know maths, Spanish, photography and the computer. I am fun; I play some video games and the Pokémon card game. [[Chris and art|I am an artist;]] I like to make a lot of art. Have a nice day.

==See also==
*[[Spanish]]
[[Category:Prose]]

The Kevin and Bean Show Segment

2010-06-01T23:26:02Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Welcome to the show! */ At some point I will figure out how to use the preview button to make sure I didn't fuck up anywhere.

'''The Kevin and Bean Show Segment''' is an 8 minute radio clip in which the hosts of the self-titled ''The Kevin and Bean Show'' on KROQ 106.7 FM in California find [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|one of Chris's Captain's Logs]] and comment on it. For the most part of it, they are horrified; so horrified that they spend ''2 and a half minutes'' playing "Viewer Discretion is Advised" warnings before they play the tape.

This clip is one of two radio segments that were aired about Christian Weston Chandler and his antics.
==The video==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|ZtcJZPlQurw}}</center>
==Transcript==

===Welcome to the show!===

'''Presenter 1:''' --he's just a weird, geeky guy and he-- ''[audio cuts off]'' ...you're not usually a stellar choice, but tomorrow, you'll find out why it's '[[wikipedia:Top_Gun|Top Gun]] Day'. Apparently there's a new holiday joining the calender, guys, that we didn't know about. Top Gun Day.

'''Presenter 2:''' Hmmm...!

'''Presenter 1:''' Find out more about that, also actor [[wikipedia:Steve_Zahn|Steve Zahn]]'s gonna be joining us tomorrow. Look, uh, this video we're about to talk about is up at the Kevin and Bean section of KROQ.com. ''I'm'' wondering if this is a ''real'' guy with, you know, he's just a weird geeky guy and he's speaking from the heart or if this is going to turn out to be the next "Borat". This is some sort of comedy genius ['''Presenter 3:''' Wow.] and this is just a crazy character he's created. What do you guys think?

'''Presenter 2:''' Hold up one second.

'''Viewer discretion warning 1:''' The reenactments and commentary in this program may contain frank talk of a sexual nature. Viewer discretion is advised. ''['''Presenter 1''' laughs during this]''

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, now that we got that in...

'''Presenter 2:''' H-Hang on.

'''Viewer discretion warning 2:'''This program contains adult language and subject matter, viewer discretion advised.

'''Presenter 1:''' Right, so he turns the camera...

'''Viewer discretion warning 3:''' This program contains sexually explicit dialogue. Viewer discretion is advised.

'''Presenter 1:''' He's a guy, he looks like he's--

'''Viewer discretion warning 4:''' These images may be too shocking for young children.

'''Presenter 2:''' Alright, 'kay, go ahead.

'''Presenter 1:''' --he's sitting, he's sitting in a--

'''Viewer discretion warning 5:''' A warning: some of what you're about to see and hear is explicit.

'''Presenter 2:''' Alright, go ahead.

'''Presenter 1:''' ---he seems to be sitting in his bedroom and he is describing things that he likes to do and I can't imagine-- I mean, I don't-- I can't put myself in the position of a guy who would want to video tape this and put it up on the internet for people to know these sorts of things about him so I figure, well, there must be some other reason he's got.

'''Presenter 2:''' It ''sounds''-- by the way, if he's an actor, he's a ''genius''.

'''Presenter 3:''' ''Yes.''

'''Presenter 1:''' It sounds like he's gotten some responses to videos that he has already video taped of himself and put up online. And other--

'''Presenter 2:''' He also has his own little YouTube channel, ['''Presenter 1:''' Yes.] and he's developed a ''cult'' of people who can't believe the stuff that he talks about.

'''Presenter 1:''' Yes.

'''Viewer discretion warning 6:''' Parental discretion is advised.

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, so, um, this is ''him''...

'''Viewer discretion warning 7:''' The American Humane Association monitored the animal action. No animal was harmed in the making of this program. ''['''Presenter 3''' laughs during this]''

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, here we go.

'''Viewer discretion warning 8:''' If you have little children and you allow them to listen to the following conversation, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|you are a bad parent]]. [[Sandy|A ''really'' bad parent. You are seriously ''[censored]'' up]]. [[Rosechu|You with your illegitimate kids and your bad judgement and whatnot]]. ''['''Presenter 1''', throughout: Alright. Alright, okay.]

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright. He's a little bit of an [[obesity|overweight]] guy with a [[hair|receding hairline]], he's wearin' the, y'know, the [[Chris and fashion|polo shirt]], and he's in what looks like his [[chris's room|bedroom]] with... it has to be dozens and dozens of action figures behind him. He looks like he'd be a sci-fi geek. He looks like--

'''Presenter 2:''' He's not talking about sci-fi.

'''Presenter 1:''' He looks like he's in his late... twenties, maybe even thirty. Which makes--

'''Presenter 3:''' [[Chris and health|Aging badly]].

'''Presenter 1:''' Which makes it all the more disturbing.

'''Presenter 3:''' Yeah.

'''Viewer discretion warning 9:''' This program contains graphic images that may be disturbing to sensitive viewers. The people profiled all survived. Discretion is advised. ['''Presenter 1:''' Alright...]

''[The presenters all laugh]''

'''Presenter 1:''' You won't wanna survive though after you hear it, here's the-- here's the dude.

===Playing the video===

:'''Chris:''' [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log, uh, Stardate April 28th 2009]].

'''Presenter 1:''' ''Anyone'' that starts with Captain's Log, Stardate...

'''Presenter 3:''' Yeah.

'''Presenter 2:''' You've got a guy who belives he's living on the bridge of the Enterprise.

'''Presenter 1:''' That's correct, yes.

:'''Chris:''' Uhh... a-about... it's- it's a...good idea some-uhhh, if uh it's a good idea, but, uh.

'''Presenter 1:''' Now, he's referring to a video that he put up that people are questioning.

'''Presenter 3:''' Mkay.

'''Presenter 1:''' They're saying, "Why would you do that?". So he's referring to-- I think it's a good idea if it doesn't bother you, but if it does bother you, then you don't have to do it.

'''Presenter 2:''' What's he talking about?

'''Presenter 1:''' ... [[dirty, crapped briefs|you'll find out]].

:'''Chris:''' You know you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but... I [[recycling|recycle]] my own [''BEEP'']. [''The beeped word is '[[semen]]', for you newfags and [[User:Ronichu|retards]]'']

'''Presenter 2:''' Oh, wow.

:'''Chris:''' Yes, I recycle it.

'''Presenter 1:''' Okay, you could use your imagination, but it's something that comes out of the body.

'''Presenter 2:''' Yeah and its... yeah.

'''Presenter 1:''' And by the way... it seems to me, I think this is a rule of thumb, nothing that comes out of the body, needs to be saved or recycled...

'''Presenter 2:'''[''Laughs in the background'']

'''Presenter 3:''' No...

'''Presenter 1:''' ...or treasured, right.

'''Presenter 3:''' ...no, just let it go.

'''Presenter 1:''' Whatever fluids or solids you're imagining right now, all of those should be done away with, there's a reason they're expelled from the body, no reason to try to save that stuff.

'''Presenter 2:''' That's correct. Or recyc-- this is taking recycling maybe a little too far, is what we're saying.

:'''Chris:''' Anyway, the—anyway, af—from after that the, uh, second topic, the, uh, one where I spanked myself.

'''Presenter 1:''' Okay, here's another video he's talking about where he apparently spanks himself.

:'''Chris:''' Yeah, I just, uh, I was doin' that for fun, because, y'know, sometimes I do my [unintelligible, possibly "dumb"?], silly, crazy things...

'''Presenter 1:''' [''chuckle'']

:'''Chris:''' and, uh... ''sometimes'' adults feel pleasure from pain...

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, now this is where he gets into his big thing which is "I'm an adult, and adults act this way".

'''Presenter 3:''' Is he assuming I'm a child?

'''Presenter 1:''' I don't know what he's assuming.

'''Presenter 3:''' Because he's kind of talking to me like I'm a child.

'''Presenter 1:''' But I can tell you that I've never done this, I've never really spanked myself on camera.

'''Presenter 3:''' But you're an adult!

'''Presenter 1:''' But I've never done-- I've ''never'' spanked myself on camera.

'''Presenter 3:''' Huh.

:'''Chris:'''...even when they, uh, do it to themselves. Just, like, you know, spanking is, uh, generally a pop—- generally a popular type, uh, thing amongst adults. And then the, uh, third topic which was the—uh, the photographs of, uh, me in, uh... 'dult diapers.

'''Presenter 1:''' Okay so the dude... the dude recycles when he shouldn't.

'''Presenter 3:''' Right.

'''Presenter 1:''' Uh, the dude spanks, and now the dude wears diapers.

'''Presenter 3:''' Why does the dude wear diapers?

:'''Chris:'''...regalry—legularly I, uh, do not use them, but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay.

'''Presenter 1:''' He ''felt'' like trying a pair on, he wanted to see what the sensation was like!

'''Presenter 3:''' They're diapers!

'''Presenter 2:''' Yes.

'''Presenter 1:''' How busy is this guy that he can't walk from his bedroom to the bathroom? Now, and here's where it gets interesting, because he ''again'' refers to the fact that he's an adult and who hasn't worn a diaper? ''['''Presenter 3''' laughs]'' Y'know, like, who hasn't done that?

:'''Chris:''' ...and sometimes I do, uh, I get very [[Stress|stressed out]], ['''Presenter 1:''' Mhm.] it just tends to just build up and sometimes, I just have to—it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh... poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, [bleep] their underwear...

'''Presenter 1:''' Umm, me?

'''Presenter 3:''' Me too?

'''Presenter 2:''' Everyone, probably?

'''Presenter 3:''' Put me in that category.

'''Presenter 1:''' Who hasn't? So first he says "I wanted to feel the sensation-I wanted to feel what it was like", but then who hasn't needed one, and had to have one?

'''Presenter 2:''' Ewwww.

'''Presenter 3:''' Wooooow.

:'''Chris:'''...at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human.

'''Presenter 1:''' That's true.

:'''Chris:'''...nothing to be ashamed of. And...

'''Presenter 2:''' I'd like to suggest that there ''is'' something to be ashamed of if you're doing that to yourself.

'''Presenter 3:'''[''laughing'']] Yes, I agree.

'''Presenter 2:''' Perhaps that should be, there should be some shame involved.

'''Presenter 1:''' But I go back to my original question before we heard from this nutjob, is why would you put stuff like this up there on the internet? Is it a sexual turn-on to talk about this stuff or ''is he playing us''? What do you guys think?

'''Presenter 3:''' I don't think he's playing us!

'''Presenter 2:''' I don't know if he's playing us and I...I don't know if it's in the tape because we did have to edit some of it belive it or not for standards and practices and whatnot, but I get the suggestion that he was being asked to do it by [[Ivy|a girl]].

'''Presenter 3:''' Well, if ''that guy's'' got a girl he should do whatever she says.

[''the others laugh'']

'''Presenter 1:''' Never get another one.

:'''Chris:''' And to [[trolls|those]] who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.

'''Presenter 2:''' Alright.

:'''Chris:''' With that, I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a [[Chris and Health|healthy]], ['''Presenter 2:''' Mhm.] [[Obesity|growing]], ['''Presenter 2:''' Right.] [[Chris Loses It|sane]], ['''Presenter 2:''' Mhm.] and [[Chris and Reality|sound-minded]], uh, adult individual.

'''Presenter 2:''' Yep![[''unintelligible'']]

:'''Chris:''' And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else.

'''Presenter 1:''' I'm gonna say "no".

[''Presenter 3 is overcome with laughter'']

'''Presenter 2:''' How did he have time to film this video when ''Star Trek'' opened this weekend?

'''Presenter 1:''' I don't know. And he's holding a video game controller! He's not playing a video game but he's holding it and messing with it the whole time he's talking.

'''Presenter 2 and 3:''' Wow.

'''Presenter 1:''' Like it's [[CWCville|a security blanket]] or something, helps him feel a bit better about it.

'''Voice:''' This is finally the best reason-- the best, most solid justification I've heard for the Internet.

[''Presenters laugh, tape ends'']

==See Also==

[[Toucher and Rich Segment]]

[[Category: Media that has been published in real life]]

The Kevin and Bean Show Segment

2010-06-01T22:36:29Z

Der Zuschauer: Audio transcription and grammarfaggotry, woo!

'''The Kevin and Bean Show Segment''' is an 8 minute radio clip in which the hosts of the self-titled ''The Kevin and Bean Show'' on KROQ 106.7 FM in California find [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|one of Chris's Captain's Logs]] and comment on it. For the most part of it, they are horrified; so horrified that they spend ''2 and a half minutes'' playing "Viewer Discretion is Advised" warnings before they play the tape.

This clip is one of two radio segments that were aired about Christian Weston Chandler and his antics.
==The video==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|ZtcJZPlQurw}}</center>
==Transcript==

===Welcome to the show!===

'''Presenter 1:''' --he's just a weird, geeky guy and he-- ''[audio cuts off]'' ...you're not usually a stellar choice, but tomorrow, you'll find out why it's '[[wikipedia:Top_Gun|Top Gun]] Day'. Apparently there's a new holiday joining the calender, guys, that we didn't know about. Top Gun Day.

'''Presenter 2:''' Hmmm...!

'''Presenter 1:''' Find out more about that, also actor [[wikipedia:Steve_Zahn|Steve Zahn]]'s gonna be joining us tomorrow. Look, uh, this video we're about to talk about is up at the Kevin and Bean section of KROQ.com. ''I'm'' wondering if this is a ''real'' guy with, you know, he's just a weird geeky guy and he's speaking from the heart or if this is going to turn out to be the next "Borat". This is some sort of comedy genius ['''Presenter 3:''' Wow.] and this is just a crazy character he's created. What do you guys think?

'''Presenter 2:''' Hold up one second.

'''Viewer discretion warning 1:''' The reenactments and commentary in this program may contain frank talk of a sexual nature. Viewer discretion is advised. ''['''Presenter 1''' laughs during this]''

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, now that we got that in...

'''Presenter 2:''' H-Hang on.

'''Viewer discretion warning 2:'''This program contains adult language and subject matter, viewer discretion advised.

'''Presenter 1:''' Right, so he turns the camera...

'''Viewer discretion warning 3:''' This program contains sexually explicit dialogue. Viewer discretion is advised.

'''Presenter 1:''' He's a guy, he looks like he's--

'''Viewer discretion warning 4:''' These images may be too shocking for young children.

'''Presenter 2:''' Alright, 'kay, go ahead.

'''Presenter 1:''' --he's sitting, he's sitting in a--

'''Viewer discretion warning 5:''' A warning: some of what you're about to see and hear is explicit.

'''Presenter 2:''' Alright, go ahead.

'''Presenter 1:''' ---he seems to be sitting in his bedroom and he is describing things that he likes to do and I can't imagine-- I mean, I don't-- I can't put myself in the position of a guy who would want to video tape this and put it up on the internet for people to know these sorts of things about him so I figure, well, there must be some other reason he's got.

'''Presenter 2:''' It ''sounds''-- by the way, if he's an actor, he's a ''genius''.

'''Presenter 3:''' ''Yes.''

'''Presenter 1:''' It sounds like he's gotten some responses to videos that he has already video taped of himself and put up online. And other--

'''Presenter 2:''' He also has his own little YouTube channel, ['''Presenter 1:''' Yes.] and he's developed a ''cult'' of people who can't believe the stuff that he talks about.

font color="DarkCyan">'''Presenter 1:''' Yes.

'''Viewer discretion warning 6:''' Parental discretion is advised.

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, so, um, this is ''him''...

'''Viewer discretion warning 7:''' The American Humane Association monitored the animal action. No animal was harmed in the making of this program. ''['''Presenter 3''' laughs during this]''

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, here we go.

'''Viewer discretion warning 8:''' If you have little children and you allow them to listen to the following conversation, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|you are a bad parent]]. [[Sandy|A ''really'' bad parent. You are seriously ''[censored]'' up]]. [[Rosechu|You with your illegitimate kids and your bad judgement and whatnot]]. ''['''Presenter 1''', throughout: Alright. Alright, okay.]

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright. He's a little bit of an [[obesity|overweight]] guy with a [[hair|receding hairline]], he's wearin' the, y'know, the [[Chris and fashion|polo shirt]], and he's in what looks like his [[chris's room|bedroom]] with... it has to be dozens and dozens of action figures behind him. He looks like he'd be a sci-fi geek. He looks like--

'''Presenter 2:''' He's not talking about sci-fi.

'''Presenter 1:''' He looks like he's in his late... twenties, maybe even thirty. Which makes--

'''Presenter 3:''' [[Chris and health|Aging badly]].

'''Presenter 1:''' Which makes it all the more disturbing.

'''Presenter 3:''' Yeah.

'''Viewer discretion warning 9:''' This program contains graphic images that may be disturbing to sensitive viewers. The people profiled all survived. Discretion is advised.''' ['''Presenter 1:''' Alright...]

''[The presenters all laugh]''

'''Presenter 1:''' You won't wanna survive though after you hear it, here's the-- here's the dude.

===Playing the video===

:'''Chris:''' [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log, uh, Stardate April 28th 2009]].

'''Presenter 1:''' ''Anyone'' that starts with Captain's Log, Stardate...

'''Presenter 3:''' Yeah.

'''Presenter 2:''' You've got a guy who belives he's living on the bridge of the Enterprise.

'''Presenter 1:''' That's correct, yes.

:'''Chris:''' Uhh... a-about... it's- it's a...good idea some-uhhh, if uh it's a good idea, but, uh.

'''Presenter 1:''' Now, he's referring to a video that he put up that people are questioning.

'''Presenter 3:''' Mkay.

'''Presenter 1:''' They're saying, "Why would you do that?". So he's referring to-- I think it's a good idea if it doesn't bother you, but if it does bother you, then you don't have to do it.

'''Presenter 2:''' What's he talking about?

'''Presenter 1:''' ... [[dirty, crapped briefs|you'll find out]].

:'''Chris:''' You know you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but... I [[recycling|recycle]] my own [''BEEP'']. [''The beeped word is '[[semen]]', for you newfags and [[User:Ronichu|retards]]'']

'''Presenter 2:''' Oh, wow.

:'''Chris:''' Yes, I recycle it.

'''Presenter 1:''' Okay, you could use your imagination, but it's something that comes out of the body.

'''Presenter 2:''' Yeah and its... yeah.

'''Presenter 1:''' And by the way... it seems to me, I think this is a rule of thumb, nothing that comes out of the body, needs to be saved or recycled...

'''Presenter 2:'''[''Laughs in the background'']

'''Presenter 3:''' No...

'''Presenter 1:''' ...or treasured, right.

'''Presenter 3:''' ...no, just let it go.

'''Presenter 1:''' Whatever fluids or solids you're imagining right now, all of those should be done away with, there's a reason they're expelled from the body, no reason to try to save that stuff.

'''Presenter 2:''' That's correct. Or recyc-- this is taking recycling maybe a little too far, is what we're saying.

:'''Chris:''' Anyway, the—anyway, af—from after that the, uh, second topic, the, uh, one where I spanked myself.

'''Presenter 1:''' Okay, here's another video he's talking about where he apparently spanks himself.

:'''Chris:''' Yeah, I just, uh, I was doin' that for fun, because, y'know, sometimes I do my [unintelligible, possibly "dumb"?], silly, crazy things...

'''Presenter 1:''' [''chuckle'']

:'''Chris:''' and, uh... ''sometimes'' adults feel pleasure from pain...

'''Presenter 1:''' Alright, now this is where he gets into his big thing which is "I'm an adult, and adults act this way".

'''Presenter 3:''' Is he assuming I'm a child?

'''Presenter 1:''' I don't know what he's assuming.

'''Presenter 3:''' Because he's kind of talking to me like I'm a child.

'''Presenter 1:''' But I can tell you that I've never done this, I've never really spanked myself on camera.

'''Presenter 3:''' But you're an adult!

'''Presenter 1:''' But I've never done-- I've ''never'' spanked myself on camera.

'''Presenter 3:''' Huh.

:'''Chris:'''...even when they, uh, do it to themselves. Just, like, you know, spanking is, uh, generally a pop—- generally a popular type, uh, thing amongst adults. And then the, uh, third topic which was the—uh, the photographs of, uh, me in, uh... 'dult diapers.

'''Presenter 1:''' Okay so the dude... the dude recycles when he shouldn't.

'''Presenter 3:''' Right.

'''Presenter 1:''' Uh, the dude spanks, and now the dude wears diapers.

'''Presenter 3:''' Why does the dude wear diapers?

:'''Chris:'''...regalry—legularly I, uh, do not use them, but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay.

'''Presenter 1:''' He ''felt'' like trying a pair on, he wanted to see what the sensation was like!

'''Presenter 3:''' They're diapers!

'''Presenter 2:''' Yes.

'''Presenter 1:''' How busy is this guy that he can't walk from his bedroom to the bathroom? Now, and here's where it gets interesting, because he ''again'' refers to the fact that he's an adult and who hasn't worn a diaper? ''['''Presenter 3''' laughs]'' Y'know, like, who hasn't done that?

:'''Chris:''' ...and sometimes I do, uh, I get very [[Stress|stressed out]], ['''Presenter 1:''' Mhm.] it just tends to just build up and sometimes, I just have to—it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh... poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, [bleep] their underwear...

'''Presenter 1:''' Umm, me?

'''Presenter 3:''' Me too?

'''Presenter 2:''' Everyone, probably?

'''Presenter 3:''' Put me in that category.

'''Presenter 1:''' Who hasn't? So first he says "I wanted to feel the sensation-I wanted to feel what it was like", but then who hasn't needed one, and had to have one?

'''Presenter 2:''' Ewwww.

'''Presenter 3:''' Wooooow.

:'''Chris:'''...at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human.

'''Presenter 1:''' That's true.

:'''Chris:'''...nothing to be ashamed of. And...

'''Presenter 2:''' I'd like to suggest that there ''is'' something to be ashamed of if you're doing that to yourself.

'''Presenter 3:'''[''laughing'']] Yes, I agree.

'''Presenter 2:''' Perhaps that should be, there should be some shame involved.

'''Presenter 1:''' But I go back to my original question before we heard from this nutjob, is why would you put stuff like this up there on the internet? Is it a sexual turn-on to talk about this stuff or ''is he playing us''? What do you guys think?

'''Presenter 3:''' I don't think he's playing us!

'''Presenter 2:''' I don't know if he's playing us and I...I don't know if it's in the tape because we did have to edit some of it belive it or not for standards and practices and whatnot, but I get the suggestion that he was being asked to do it by [[Ivy|a girl]].

'''Presenter 3:''' Well, if ''that guy's'' got a girl he should do whatever she says.

[''the others laugh'']

'''Presenter 1:''' Never get another one.

:'''Chris:''' And to [[trolls|those]] who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.

'''Presenter 2:''' Alright.

:'''Chris:''' With that, I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a [[Chris and Health|healthy]], ['''Presenter 2:''' Mhm.] [[Obesity|growing]], ['''Presenter 2:''' Right.] [[Chris Loses It|sane]], ['''Presenter 2:''' Mhm.] and [[Chris and Reality|sound-minded]], uh, adult individual.

'''Presenter 2:''' Yep![[''unintelligible'']]

:'''Chris:''' And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else.

'''Presenter 1:''' I'm gonna say "no".

[''Presenter 3 is overcome with laughter'']

'''Presenter 2:''' How did he have time to film this video when ''Star Trek'' opened this weekend?

'''Presenter 1:''' I don't know. And he's holding a video game controller! He's not playing a video game but he's holding it and messing with it the whole time he's talking.

'''Presenter 2 and 3:''' Wow.

'''Presenter 1:''' Like it's [[CWCville|a security blanket]] or something, helps him feel a bit better about it.

'''Voice:''' This is finally the best reason-- the best, most solid justification I've heard for the Internet.

[''Presenters laugh, tape ends'']

==See Also==

[[Toucher and Rich Segment]]

[[Category: Media that has been published in real life]]

Nathanael Greene Elementary School

2010-06-01T16:31:43Z

Der Zuschauer:

[[Image:Nathaniel Greene School.jpg|thumb|Nathanael Greene Elementary School, Standardsville]]

'''Nathanael Greene Elementary School''' is an elementary school in [[Wikipedia:Standardsville, Virginia|Standardsville, Virginia]], a 192 acre (77.7 hectares) town (to put that in perspective, [[Wikipedia:Cuyamaca Community College|this community college]] is about the same size as the whole town), which basically consists of a highway intersection. It's named for the [[Wikipedia:American Revolutionary War|Revolutionary War]] hero [[Wikipedia:Nathanael Greene|Nathanael Greene]]. [[Chris]] attended [[Wikipedia:Fourth grade|fourth-grade]] classes at this school. To this day, he consistently misspells the school's namesake as "Nathan'''i'''el Greene," so he obviously learned a lot there!

[[Bob]] pulled Chris out of the school after Chris was allegedly abused by the principal and members of the staff.

{{quote|...they abused me by pinning me to the ground with, uh, their ha--with, uh holding my wrists and my ankles|Chris on his teachers and principals<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>}}

Chris has also claimed that his time at Nathanael Greene inspired and justifies his hatred for [[homos]], since [[Bruce Johnson|the principal]] who allegedly assaulted him was supposedly gay.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]</ref> If this sounds a little odd to you, well, we're just getting started.

Based on "physical abuse from 5 faculty members", Chris's parents took the case to [[Wikipedia:Greene County, Virginia|Greene County]] court. After the school board threatened to take Chris out of mainstream schools, Bob and Chris moved to [[Wikipedia:Chesterfield County, Virginia|Chesterfield County]].<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref>

==Why Chris left==
{{quote|There was conflict over where he would have his schooling. The school system or the Department of Social Services had attempted to place the patient in a special school. His parents were very adamant that he be in a mainstream high school. In order to maintain custody of the patient, the patient's father moved them to Richmond, Virginia.|Jeff Raynor, M.D., 5 November 2004<ref>[[Autism papers]]</ref>}}

The [[autism papers]] confirm that Chris's parents moved him out of Greene County to avoid the possibility of having Chris admitted to a special school. Still, a clear picture of what actually took place has never come together. In his accounts of and references to the incident, Chris leaves out important details (such as what prompted the school staff to "abuse" him) and tends to spin the story in a way that favors him.

The way he describes it, the school faculty dragged him out of class for no particular reason and delivered him to the lap of the apparently gay principal, who attempted to molest him. Then, they held him by his wrists and ankles and shoved a tape recorder in his face to record his screams while they laughed at his suffering. Ironically, these are the kinds of videos he makes for YouTube nowadays.

==Chris's side of the story==
Though Chris does briefly complain about getting an F in the fourth grade during the [[Song of Christian]], he doesn't mention anything else about his time at Nathanael Greene in that video. His earliest recorded account of the incident that led him to leave the school appears in his first major YouTube address to the world, from 7 [[November 2007]].

{{quote|...some of the teachers and principals of Nathanael Greene Elementary School… that I was attending in later years (about, uh, late 1980s, early 1990s) [inhales sharply] They abused me—they abused me by pinning me to the ground with, uh, their ha—with, uh, holding my wrists and my ankles, pinning me down to the ground and—and audio-taping my cries and shouts. But, anyway, my mother and my father, they both fought the court system, the Greene County court system, which, uh, they were not a very nice bunch of people, very not. Hands down. But, anyway, we eventually moved to Chesterfield County for a nice, better school system.|Chris, [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]}}

He recounted a similar, but shorter version of the story in his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#His_Early_Years_-_Birth_to_1992|Wikipedia profile]].

{{quote|Some conflict between my mother, father and the school system occurred after physical abuse from 5 faculty members late in my 4th Grade; my parents took the case against the Greene County School Board for a year or two. The board threatened to lock me away in an institution, and my family did not want that, so in September, 1992, my family and I moved to Chesterfield County, while keeping our Ruckersville Home, for better Schooling.|Chris, on Wikipedia, 01 May 2009.}}

In the [[Father Call]], from [[November 2009]], Chris brought up the incident more or less out of nowhere, seemingly as a bid for sympathy.

{{quote|Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school...prinstapull...and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber? ... They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution!|Chris, [[Father Call]]}}

One of the [[Common Questions]] Chris answered in the Mailbag in November 2009 asked him to list the 10 worst things that had happened in his life. The elementary-school incident came in at number 10.

{{quote|Being pinned down on the floor by a teacher, two teacher aides, the Guidance Counsoler and the Principal on the floor and having my screams and cries recorded onto audiocassete back in 4th Grade.|It was worse than The Autism, but not as bad as leaving high school.}}

In early 2009, Chris began to reveal another facet to his story, claiming that the principal was homosexual. He first alluded to this element of the story in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|Captain's Log video]] from 21 January 2009, where he hinted that he had uncovered "repressed memories." Chris later went into a bit more detail in [[Mumble 3]].

{{quote|Oh yes. Doctor Johnson of Nathanael Greene Elementary. The principal. He was a h- he was uh, the homo... that pretty much set me against... the homos and further kept me on the straight path.|Chris, [[Mumble 3]].}}
[[File:Asperchu Principal Parody.JPG|thumb|left|After he told Alec in that phone call, it was parodied in [[Asperchu]]]]

Chris recounted an expanded version of the story in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]], when Alec claimed that homosexuals had never done him any harm.

{{quote|I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk.|Chris, setting himself up for another parody.}}

When Alec pressed him to explain what those "offensive things" were, Chris couldn't recall any details. Bear in mind that Chris considers anything offensive if it's something he doesn't want to hear, so Bruce was probably just telling Chris to study harder or behave better or something.

==Sequence of events==
Given the fragmented nature of Chris's accounts, it's not clear whether he believes that the principal's-lap incident and the pinned-down-and-taped incident were directly connected. Certainly it's easy to imagine how they might be linked together: Chris goes to see the principal, he feels threatened, he becomes agitated, then more staff members have to be called in to deal with the problem. Another possibility is that he threw a hissy fit over [[Song of Christian|getting an F on an assignment]] and the situation got out of hand. However, a more complete and reliable version of the story (or stories) has yet to be discovered.

==Missing details==
Obviously, there are several oddities and inconsistencies in Chris's stories.

*Chris has never clearly explained what triggered these incidents. According to all of his accounts, the school faculty simply assaulted him without provocation, or out of lustful or sadistic motives.
*Public schools are required to have faculty experienced with special education, so it's doubtful that Chris was surrounded entirely by people who didn't understand his condition.
*As a rule, elementary school principals aren't supposed to let kids sit on their lap for the exact reason Chris was afraid of: it's inappropriate behavior. It's quite likely, however, that Johnson was just trying to comfort Chris, and forgot the rule. After all, even if he was [[pedofork|into little boys]], why would he want to molest ''Chris''?
*On top of that, the odds that an openly gay man would be employed as an educator in the conservative South in the early 1990s are slim to none.

Furthermore, this assumes that Chris's claims of abuse by his principal aren't entirely fabricated to begin with. It's possible that he came up with that element of his story simply as an excuse to defend his homophobia and a means of further proving his straightness. He first mentioned the discovery of his "repressed memories" in a video recorded right after his [[IRC (20 January 2009)|20 January 2009 IRC chat]], where [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]] accused him of being a closeted homosexual and mocked his bizarre attitudes towards gay people.

As for the more thoroughly-documented incident where Chris supposedly had to be subdued, it's most likely that Chris's autistic behavior was difficult for the school's staff to control, and the district sought evidence to prove that Chris needed to be moved out of mainstream schools. Evidence like this could also be used as evidence of parental neglect or incompetence in choosing to avoid the obvious care a child with mental disabilities needs.

The reasons why his parents were so adamant to keep him in a "normal" or "mainstream" educational environment aren't hard to guess. Not surprisingly, most of these objections are self-centered and are really about the parents' own feelings, not their child's needs. Like many parents whose children have special needs:

* They may have felt that Chris's need for "special care" would reflect poorly on them as parents.
* They may have assumed that Chris would be "stigmatized" by being put in a special school.
* They may have assumed that Chris would be limited in future opportunities by being put in a special school.
* They may have feared that a greater financial burden would be imposed by them if Chris was moved to a special school.
* They may have assumed that Chris's problem "wasn't a big deal," while educators who spent most of the day with him saw the reality of the situation.

==The "institution"==
A critical gap in the story concerns exactly where Chris would have gone if he had been removed from the mainstream school system, as the Nathanael Greene staff proposed. As mentioned above, the psychiatrist who conducted Chris's [[autism papers|psychiatric survey]] in [[2004]] described it as a "special school," but Chris generally refers to it using harsher terms like "institution" or "mental institution," as in the [[Father_Call#Experience_and_respect|Father Call]] and his [[Jackie_e-mails#Chris_got_his_degree_for_Cwcville|e-mails with Jackie]], presumably because Bob had referred to it that way.

One clue appears in the [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Chris_Lies_About_The_Game_Place|Jackie communications]], where Chris calls it "that Winchester Mental Institution." Winchester is a small city in the Shenandoah Valley area of northwestern Virginia, and it's home to the [http://www.grafton.org Grafton School], a well-established school and group home that specializes in, among other things, the education and treatment of young people with autism. Some observers speculate that this may be where Chris would have been sent had his parents not insisted on mainstreaming him.

==The aftermath==
After pulling Chris out of Nathanael Greene, [[Bob Chandler]] unsuccessfully took legal action against the school district. His case was eventually dropped in 1994. In 1992, Chris's family moved him away to the Richmond suburbs in order to keep him in mainstream classrooms, and we now have the Chris we know and love today.

This is perhaps the most significant turning point in Chris's development. Had he received an education more effectively tailored to his needs and learned more about his condition beyond how to use it as an excuse, he might have become a substantially more well-adjusted adult. Unfortunately, we will never know.

==See also==
*[[Bruce Johnson]]

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://greenecounty.va.schoolwebpages.com/education/school/school.php?sectiondetailid=22 School website]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Education]]

The Wall of Originals

2010-05-26T14:25:30Z

Der Zuschauer:

[[Image:0821-EP12-5P6-5.jpg|thumb|right|[[The Wall of Originals]]]]

[[Image:513-CWCsWallOfOriginals.JPG|thumb|right|Close-up.]]

'''The Wall of Originals''' (aka The Wailing Wall, because so much [[fail]] is contained in one concentrated area that it causes one to wail in tears) is a large sheet of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian's]] customized [[Pokémon]] cards. It hangs from one of the walls in Christian's [[Chris's room|room]]. The lighting in several of Christian's videos suggests that the sheet is covering a window.
__TOC__
==Things of Note==
There are several interesting trends which emerge when one takes in all of Chris's cards. They provide some insight into Chris's game design process, none of them particularly surprising.
* Every single card requires a coin flip. Or two. Or three. ''Every single one.'' Okay, not every single one, but several cards have multiple abilities, each of which requires a coin flip, which averages out. (To be fair, the same is true of actual, official cards.)
* The earlier cards that depict Christian depict him as a disgusting mutant (fairly accurate) with [[Niggos|a wide, flat nose and thick lips]] (not so accurate). This eventually branches out to include terrifying photoshops where an expressionless Chris is jammed into crude(r-than-normal) MSPaint backdrops.
* Note the first appearance of a female alternative for Pikachu, tastefully dubbed Chicachu, who can only deal damage when accompanied by a [[JERK|boyfriend]]. Which isn't sexist in the slightest!
* Plautistic. It is a plant, it is [[autism|autistic]]. It is extraordinarily likely Chris seems to think autism and psychic powers are linked. [[The High School Story|This will become a recurring theme.]]
* Chris shows up as a trainer, a gym leader, ''and'' a Pokémon, in several varieties apiece. Again, totally in line with his later storytelling technique of "gain as many powers as I want or need to do whatever it is I want or need to do." He has himself as a "normal" type, and is described as an autistic Pokémon, reinforcing the conclusion that he considers autism practically a superpower.
* In fact, many cards have devastatingly synergistic effects or several complimentary effects at once, allowing Chris to pull off combos with only one or two cards. According to reports about his card game technique, Chris would need these hugely layered card effects because he can't deck-build worth a damn.

==Reproduction of the Official and Originial Wall==

<center>
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|-
|[[Image:Luigi2.gif|50px]]
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|[[Image:370-Techti.jpg|50px]]
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|[[Image:256-EvilEnergy.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:SonTrn.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:376-STHTrainer.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:CWCtrn.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:101-ChristianC.jpg|50px]]
|?
|[[Image:158-Cwc City Gym.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:150-MTS.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:377-TurboRainbow.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:378-Whammy.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:225-SchuBall1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:374-ChaosEmerald.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:379-Bulk.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:224-SchuZord.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:380-ShineyStadium.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:102-HookedOnSonichu1.jpg|50px]]
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</center>

==Gallery==
Cards that aren't on the Wall of Originals, and other related images:
<gallery>
Image:064-CWCsDuelist.jpg|''[[wikipedia:The Duelist|Duelist]]'' magazine.
Image:065-CWCsTopDeck1.jpg|''Top Deck'' magazine.
Image:066-CWCsTopDeck2.jpg|Another fictious issue of ''Top Deck''.
Image:185-pokbck.jpg|Card backing where Sonichu [[mass debating|jerks off]] while kneeling.
Image:226-SchuBall2.jpg|S-Chu Ball.
Image:361-CWCsChicachu.jpg|Christian's Chicachu.
Image:362-CWCsMaychu.jpg|Christian's Maychu.
</gallery>

==See Also==
* [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category: Relics of Fail]] [[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

Tobacky

2010-05-20T19:57:56Z

Der Zuschauer: Reverting last edit because I are dope =D

[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|right|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like Chris complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''goddamn moon'']].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."

However, He would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy galpal offered him a smoke.
==Chris on tobacky==
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky"(said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}

In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}

For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C and the surface of the Sun is at 5,510 °C. As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field. Chris may have been thinking of the solar wind phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened.

Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.

And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!

tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.

==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Tobacky

2010-05-20T19:56:38Z

Der Zuschauer: Hi =D

[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|right|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like Chris complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''goddamn <s>moon</s> sun'']].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."

However, He would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy galpal offered him a smoke.
==Chris on tobacky==
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky"(said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}

In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}

For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C and the surface of the Sun is at 5,510 °C. As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field. Chris may have been thinking of the solar wind phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened.

Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.

And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!

tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.

==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Toucher and Rich Segment

2010-05-20T19:21:02Z

Der Zuschauer: Adding a link to the video in question D=

[[For My Sweetest Ivy|One]] of [[Chris]]'s videos was the focus of a segment of '''Toucher and Rich''', a Boston-area radio show, that aired on 12 [[May 2009]]. This is one of the rare discussions of Chris in the mainstream and not by obsessives on the Internet. There are some details that the hosts of the show get wrong, like the apparent confusion of [[Ivy]] with [[Megan]], but this is understandable given that their knowledge of him is mostly second-hand.

Notice that no matter how much the hosts try to warp Chris's voice, the original is still the most disturbing.

==Transcript==
'''Toucher:''' Sometimes you don't realize how big something's getting on the internet. We are Toucher and Rich -- Rich Shertenlieb, Crash Card, Adolfo Gonzalez. My name is Fred Toettcher. Two ways to get involved with the show. Please feel free to instant feedback -- go to WBCN.com and click on "Instant Feedback," or give us a call at 617-931-1041 -- 617-931-1041. Here is the deal: we got sent a e-mail from a guy who said, "Look at, this is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a really long time. What the F is up with this guy?" And he was the guy, do you have "I Got A Fish?"

'''Rich:''' I got it right here, yeah. [''Plays clip from "[[I Got A Fish]]:"'']

:'''Chris:''' I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish? 

'''Toucher:''' And he is a grown man who is standing in a [[Chris's room|room full of toys]], and he is saying things, uh, this is him describing, do you have the description of what he likes, the spanking, he's kind of describing--

'''Rich:''' Oh no, I don't have that. Do, do some of it.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, basically he's describing how he likes, uh, there's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|pictures of him]] that have been leaked on the internet wearing [[Butt garments|adult diapers]], uh, he likes being spanked, and that's because [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009|that's what adults do]]. Adults like feeling pleasure, uh, out of pain.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, he is a disturbing young man. And I've been sent since then a bunch of links about this guy. And you know what, I don't remember his name and I don't care to; you'll be able to find him, don't worry about it. [''Laughs''] But, uh, he's got a million videos up on the internet, and he also apparently has a comic book that he draws and puts up on the internet--

'''Rich:''' Oh boy.

'''Toucher:''' --which is, I don't even want to get into, but which I, which I, from what I, if what I read is true, it's [[Sonichu 10|horribly disturbing]]. So anyway, he's kind of this manchild, he, uh, wears glasses, he looks a little bit like, for lack of a better description, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, almost? Like if he was playing a deranged guy. [''Laughs'']

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs.''] Right.

'''Toucher:''' Alright. So anyway, so from what I've read, there's a whole big, like, there's something that's, uh, that's like Wipi-Wikipedia, but it's like "[[ED|Crapipedia]]" or something? [''Rich laughs.''] There's this big page about this guy, and I don't know if it's true or not, but they reference that [[JERKS|he hates all men]] because they, uh, have all the girls, all the girls he meets have girlfriends[sic], but there was one girl that he was friends with, that he fell madly in love with, and I guess that this is a, uh, an ode to her.

'''Rich:''' It is. Now, in this video, unlike in the other one where he's just sitting down wearing his, like, flannel shirt, like, looking at the camera, he is standing up, he's extremely excited, you can tell because he's kind of bobbling from side to side, and he's wearing his normal outfit except on top of it a blazer. 'Cause he wants to look proper.

'''Toucher:''' And he is nonchalantly holding his, uh, remote control. He always has a video game remote control on him. And once again, in his bedroom, with the toys and drawings and the cartoons.

'''Rich:''' And here you go.

'''Toucher:''' He's obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, too, from what I've read. And if I failed to mention it yet, he's probably close to forty. [''Plays clip from "[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]"'']

:'''Chris:''' Hey Ivy! I'm doing this video for yoooou. Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together! Hmmm!

'''Toucher:''' Yeah right, dude! [''Rich laughs.''] Dude, dude, dude, enjoy, put the Nightmare Machine on, ladies and gentlemen. [''Plays a clip from "Goodbye Horses," alluding to the Buffalo Bill dance scene in'' The Silence of the Lambs.] I hope that you're not half-asleep with the snooze button listening to this guy, 'cause, welcome the David Lynch movie of your nightmares!

'''Rich:''' If I saw this in a David Lynch movie, I would say, like, "Alright, David Lynch is trying way too hard. Now he's like, making up stuff, that, this is too weird." [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' You know, my mommy and I--my, my family and I will come and meet you at the airport. And you know, your choice so--take you to your hotel or, uh, bring you back to...my house, hmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Ooh. These little-- [''Replays and imitates Chris's whimper and laughs, then plays the "Goodbye Horses" clip again, adding Chris saying "Back to... my house" and "My mommy and I" with his voice digitally lowered.'']

'''Rich(?):''' "My mommy and me..." [''Plays stinger music'']

'''Toucher:''' Even when adult women say "mommy" it's freaky--

'''Rich:''' [''Laughing''] I know.

'''Toucher:''' --let alone an adult man talking to somebody he, uh, obviously wants a relationship with. Ai-yai-yai. I hope you've had that cup of coffee, ladies and gentlemen, because [''Laughs''] it only gets worse. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' I mean, uh, you know, we'd be hanging around so much and sharing so many fondful memories. Hmm. And you know, I few--I know a few good places in Charlottesville, you know, I think it's, you know, I'll take you there, we'll get some good things to eeeeeat, and we’ll hang ooouut. We’ll have so much fun. I know a place that serves some great smoothies. And you know, we can enjoy a movie in the theater, or in--at home, or watch a television rerun. Family Guy! Heh.

'''Toucher:''' "Family Guy!" [''They laugh and play the stinger music again.''] Tony, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Tony:''' Oh my God, two hundred years ago, this guy would have been ostracized out of a village or a town or something like that. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.''] I mean, he ''really'' needs to be around normal humans.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I guess there are videos, I've been told, where [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview|his ''mother'' appears]], like--

'''Rich:''' No!

'''Toucher:''' --comes into the room while he's filming 'em.

'''Rich:''' Oh man.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I mean, there's a, you could spend a good, uh, horrifying evening, [''Rich laughs''] if you wanted to go, like, out to the old haunted house and play these things, you could probably do it for a couple of hours. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Family Guy! Or, uh, I Love Lucy or I got some—I got the entire series of Gilligan's Island, hmmm. Hoo-hoo! Hmm, and we can make some music together on Guitar Hero. Hmmm. Well, you can sing, I got a microphone. I'm thinking about getting drums. [''Makes a drum sound.''] Hm, yeah. And you know, I will see you in the--I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together.

'''Toucher:''' Aaaauugghhaaaaoooo! [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again''] I'm going to guess it never happened. [''Rich laughs.''] I'm going to guess that the lady saw this video and maybe thought-- [''Replays clip of Chris saying, "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Rich:''' Oough.

'''Toucher:''' Alan, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Alan:''' Hey, guys, hey!

'''Toucher and Rich:''' Hey!

'''Alan:''' Um, make sure you save that videotape; the FBI will want it for evidence.

'''Toucher:''' I have a feeling that, if all this is real, that, uh, there are several organizations that are just keeping an eye on the, uh, the doings of this gentleman.

'''Rich:''' Yeah, the creepiest thing is that he talks like a little kid, like, "my mommy," and then in his first video, he was saying, because that's what adults do sometimes, like he's talking and addressing children.

'''Toucher:''' But I g--, this woman is an adult from what I've read, that he's addressing.

'''Rich:''' Oh, oh, maybe, maybe it is, maybe it is, but the other videos that he's made, it just seems like--

'''Toucher:''' He's very child-like and maybe he was relating to someone on a child-like level.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' That is a, that is an assumption. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll, I'll do my best to pleasure you and keep you satisfied, my sweetest Ivy, just for you. Just for you! Hmmm! 

[''Rich laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Who did you save all this skin for? [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again, adding Chris saying "Just for you!" three times, with the first iteration digitally lowered.''] Why is this dog-cage all set up? [''Repeats digitally-lowered "Just for you!" and adds the "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Toucher:''' I mean, you don't even have to play it slow, you don't have to do anything, this is like a night-- I've never gone through the whole video, it's, it's so disturbing to me. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' I know a number of good positions and massages, hmm. Hmmm. And, you know, I know a number, uh, places we could walk around at, you know. We could walk about the mall!

'''Toucher:''' Ooh!

:'''Chris:''' We could walk about the UVA grounds! Good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight. Hmmmm, so, you know, wonderful memories! Wonderful memories! We're gonna have lots of fun. And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always. Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. [''Sound of disgust from one of the hosts''] I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch! Hmmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Oulbggh!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs''] Oh yeah!

'''Toucher:''' It's making chills!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs''] I know!

'''Toucher:''' The chil-- he's a witch! [''Replays a slowed-down "Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch!" and adds "Just for you!" and a slowed-down "Look at me smile" at the end.'']

'''Toucher:''' [''Laughing''] "Look at me smile!" [''Replays "I know a number of good positions and massages."''] Ohhhh. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, look at me smile, hmm. It's a nice smile. Because I love you, Ivy! I love you so much. I ran out of details. I don't know. I guess I'll sing you a song.

'''Toucher:''' No!

:'''Chris:''' It's a jolly ‘oliday With Ivy Ivy makes my heart so light When the skies are grey And ordinary Ivy makes the sun shine bright. It's a jolly holiday with Ivy No wonder that it's Ivy that I love. I love you so much Ivy. I love you! I love youuu. [''Blows a kiss to the camera.''] Talk to you later, sweetheart. And also to your father the policeman, I salute him with my Cub Scout salute.

'''Toucher:''' Ohhhhhhh ohh. [''Rich laughs.''] [''Plays circus music to "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together," "Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together!" and "Just for you!"'']

'''Toucher:''' I'm just hoping that they wouldn't let this guy on an airplane. Laura, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Laura:''' Thanks a lot for making me have a new really colorful character for my nightmares. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.'']

'''Toucher:''' E-especially for a woman.

'''Laura:''' I'm just gonna sleep with the light on for the rest of my life, now.

'''Toucher:''' Yes, indeed!

'''Laura:''' Oh my God!

'''Toucher:''' We should make a, we should make tapes of these specifically for certain people, just replace "Ivy" with "Laura"-- [''Replays "We can make some music together on Guitar Hero" and "And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always." while everyone laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Well, Rich is obviously from a conservative Catholic family and, uh, something happened over the weekend that maybe made them think he was a little bit of a psycho.

[''Segment ends.'']

==Chris's Response==
Troll goddess [[Vivian Gee]] saw fit to inform Chris about his radio presence via E-mail. Needless to say, Chris was less than receptive.
{{Email|<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5a7HN0pa0w&feature=related</nowiki>

This was part of a radio show from a few months ago. It resurfaced recently and I had a listen.

If you wonder why this applies to you: skip to 7:00.

A woman comments about how YOU will be part of her nightmares now.

This is what normal people, not trolls, think of you. If you really think it's just trolls who have formed a bad opinion of you, think again. Just letting you know.}}
{{EmailReply|
Well, I never asked for a reputation.‏

This WHOLE WORLD is becoming autistic by gluing ALL of their attention
to computers, internet and all that. I am a REAL LIFE MAN, and while I
do not appreciate or care much of the "reputation" that has been made
against me on the crappy internet, the TRUE Reputation I would call my
own is in REAL LIFE and from ACTUALLY HANGING OUT WITH ME IN PERSON.

Feel Free to Spread this Quote from me, "If you REALLY want to make a
Reputation Of Me, then Hang Out With Me In Real Life. Quit hiding
behind your F***ing Computers and "Anonymous" Bu**S***."

Nobody is Perfect. But I AM a Good Person, and I do not have to be
recorded to prove it.

Peace,
Christian.}}

==See Also==

[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]

==External Links==
*[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 Listen to the broadcast]

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

LittleBigPlanet

2010-05-20T17:11:58Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Chris and LBP */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:LittleBigPlanetOfficialUKBoxArt.png|thumb||Sometimes free advertising isn't the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Stephen fry.jpg|thumb|right||[[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], ''LittleBigPlanet'''s narrator and the very anti-thesis of Chris in many respects, being that he is intelligent, witty, attractive and charming, as opposed to a [[Chris|bumbling moron]]. While they are both gay men, Fry does not engage in self-loathing closet dwelling.]]

'''''LittleBigPlanet''''' (or "Little Pig Blanket" coming from [[Chris]]'s [[Speech impediment|marble-filled mouth]]) is a critically acclaimed platformer game, released exclusively for [[Sony]] platforms, the [[PS3]] and PSP. It is basically a [[autism|nice, cheerful, soft-to-touch, vibrant-colored]] side-scrolling action game which allows players to craft custom levels. (As a game experience, it is reputed to be quite different from the famous first-person shooter for the [[Hex Bawx]], where people [[Sonichu 10|drop crates and boxes]] on each other in level editor mode and shout [[homos|vile allegations]] at people. Why, that wouldn't do ''at all''.)

While the game had a very promising start, tiny storm clouds started to gather when Chris got his [[Claw of Failure|claws]] on the ''LittleBigPlanet'' beta, and started posting videos that showed his ''enthusiastic'' approval of the game and his [[fail|amazing custom levels]].

==Chris and LBP==

[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|Sackboy says: The rumors that the only game worth playing on PS3 is on other consoles too are completely true. Get it now.]]

Chris is a huge fan of LittleBigPlanet. He participated in the beta test in the fall of 2008, and was very annoyed that he had to take a ''whole week-long break'' between the beta's expiration and the official release of the retail version.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008]]</ref> He was also terribly concerned about whether or not his creations from the beta would still work in the real game. When LBP was released, Chris disappeared from the Internet for the better part of two months in [[November 2008|November]] and [[December 2008]]. LittleBigPlanet's main character, "Sack Boy", has appeared in several ill-placed adverts throughout his comics (most prominently in the preview for [[Sonichu 10]], which was released before the blackout). Chris has every available trophy for the game in his [[PlayStation Network]] trophy case, although in December 2009, he was briefly short some unlockable trophies due to an update that added new ones. Currently unknown is how fast he jumped on buying the game's Sonic costume pack released in March 2010, which will undoubtedly inspire a revised (yet still poorly created) [[Sonichu 0]] level with Sonic and Sonichu zapping to the extreme together without having to worry about Sega enforcing those [[Lie|pesky copyright laws]].

The biggest reason Chris latched onto LittleBigPlanet was that it let him make ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu: The Game]]''. Seriously, that's all he ever wanted. Before the arrival of the LBP level editor, no game development platform was sufficiently idiot-proof — more complex development systems, after all, make unreasonable demands like ''learning something about game design''. With ''LittleBigPlanet'', everyone can mash a level together! Or so the theory goes...

The title is also a widely-touted PlayStation exclusive, often cited by console-warring fanboys in their attacks the [[Hex Bawx]], which is possibly another reason Chris likes it so much. (Since Chris has no idea what porting a game to different platform usually entails, however, he thinks that pirates made versions of LittleBigPlanet for the Wii and [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] before the game was even out.)

Not everything is rosy in Chris's LittleBigPlanet world, though. He has had problems saving his profile, because he has collected so much stuff - and there is a certain limit on how many level-creation widgets the player character can carry or stuff into a level at any given time. In response, he created "collector's cases" to help him store all his crap. In [[Chris-chan Discusses...|the ScrewAttackEurope interview]], he hoped that there would be "expandable memory usage" to allow him to save more junk. (All this is not entirely surprising, considering how much junk he and his family keeps around in real life, too.) In the same interview he also expresses the hope that he could transfer some of the collected stuff to the PSP version of LittleBigPlanet as well. (We all know his opinion on giving away his material possessions, don't we?) He was also [[F Abstinance#Description|unhappy with the Sonic the Hedgehog DLC]] (likely because it made it marginally difficult for him to create his [[Sonichu|horrid abominations]] in-game). As he knows absolutely nothing about how videogames work, he demands that the parts be completely redone to match his own moronic concepts.

In yet another example of irony flying right over Chris's balding head, his favorite video game is narrated by [http://www.stephenfry.com/ Stephen Fry], a well-known [[homo|homosexual]] and enthusiastic gay rights advocate. (He's also a successful author, actor, comedian, narrator for classic literature and film, and proponent of the supremacy of science, as opposed to [[GodJesus|theism]], making him something close to the Platonic anti-Chris.)

==Chris vs. Sony vs. the LBP Community==

Sony and Chris have become best friends and worst enemies over LittleBigPlanet. Late in 2008, Chris's "[[PS3 History Level|PS3 History]]" videos were featured on the LittleBigPlanet's main page. Plenty of lulz were to be had on the site's forums, when [[troll]]s began to link and post the many [[Nudes|NOODZ]] of the level's creator.

Sony Europe pulled his Sonichu levels several weeks later under grounds of "Copyright Infringement." Some say Chris was just one of the casualties of a larger effort to curb widespread and blatant copyright infringement, while others argue the whole forum furore was, indeed, the ''casus belli'' of Sony's latest attack against their customers. The deletion made Chris go off on a pointless butthurt crusade to have his levels re-archived, to no avail.

Several videos that Chris posted were addressed to the LBP community at large. See most of his LBP videos, the "Collector's Case" videos in particular, for several good examples. In [[Download For Play Only]], Chris also begged the LBP community to not modify copies of his level, even though the game allows it.

===On costumes===
[[File:SonicLBPCostumes.jpg|thumb|The costumes that failed to meet Chris's specifications...]]
[[File:SonicCostumeWhining.jpg|thumb|...and Chris's subsequent bitching]]
Much later, in [[March 2010]], Sony released a DLC pack of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] costumes for LBP. While one would think that something like this would fill the Sonic-obsessed Chris with joy, Chris was deeply disappointed with the release, because it didn't help him make [[Sonichu]]. Not content to wallow in misery alone, Chris let Sony know how he felt by posting the following rant to LittleBigWorkshop. In classic Chris style, his only contribution to the community is to bitterly whine about something that nobody else cares about.

{{quotebox|I waited long for something like this sweet Sonic Costume Set to BEST put together my Sonichu Costume for my Sackperson. But I am disappointed on a few things about the Sonic and Werehog costumes that CAN BE FIXED IN AN UPDATE.

Firstly, the respective Headdresses; I was expecting the Spikes and the Ears to be TWO SEPERATE PIECES: Spikes for Hair and Ears for Head. With the two merged together into a HEAD Piece, I can not have the Bunny Ears Required to make the Ears REQUIRED for my Sonichu Costume.

Second, the Spines and Tails for the two costume pieces should be seperate Also; The Spines for NECK and Tails for Waist. Firstly, with THAT TAIL, it makes an Unacceptable Odd appearance of TWO TAILS on the Sonichu Costume. Plus, for my Rosechu Costume, I would require the Spines to be a Neck Piece, because with the Spines/Tails being a Single TORSO Piece, SHE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WEAR HER DRESS.

I am deeply not satisfied with these portions of the Sonic the Hedgehog and Werehog Costumes.

Christian Weston Chandler. Original Author of Sonichu; see my Cwcipedia at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page
PSN Online ID: Sonichu}}

Sony has, of course, not responded.

==Chris' LittleBigPlanet creations==

: ''See also: [[LittleBigPlanet videos]]''

{{incomplete}}

Chris has created many levels in LittleBigPlanet and posted play-through videos of them. These videos are truly breathtaking; you rarely see an allegedly enthusiastic video game fan play so clumsily on such awfully designed levels, especially considering they're made by him. With all the trophies in the game already bagged, years of playing and thousands spent on video games, one would think Chris would be able to both play the game at some tolerable skill level and also at least have some gut feeling on what goes into design of an enjoyable game level. But no: it shows how the entirety of his videogame achievements were obtained through merciless, uninterrupted grinding.

Interestingly, Chris's levels show the same problems as his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]] and the videos. Poorly thought-out, not checked before publishing, laziness showing everywhere, technical incompetence all around and mindblowingly irritating overall look. Chris obviously applies the same "minimum effort" approach to LBP as he does to everything else. Do note that nearly all of Chris's levels follow the tried-and-true 'combine two franchises' technique, and that all of them have been tagged by LittleBigPlanet players as being 'creepy', 'weird', 'rubbish', and 'frustrating'.

===Sonichu Level===
[[File:SC9.jpg|thumb|A sackboy panics as he's almost crushed by a giant wooden Sonichu. Be warned: Chris's levels kill innocent Sackpeople.]]
Chris began mashing this level together in the era when LBP was still in beta, and was quite concerned whether or not the beta-era levels would be playable in the final game. [[True and Loyal Fanbase|The Loyal Fanbase]], most of which either lacked their idol's new favorite video game, or were not lucky enough to be in the beta program, waited the release of the game - and Chris's videos of the same - with bated breath. ''And then we got this.''

The Sonichu level was obviously the reason why Chris wanted the game, and an obvious choice for a new and bold direction for Sonichu. Unfortunately, it also appears to be the first LBP level he made, and the well-kept adage in game modding world is that only fools release their first crappy attempts at making levels. This is especially true if one's idea of a masterpiece is a level full of random inaccessible areas, ugly design, and frustratingly hard platforming.

The level is loosely based on [[Sonichu 0|Episode 1]] of the comic. "Loosely", because Chris's idea of a level based on the comic is a bunch of images copied on level elements and speech bubbles in roughly the same order as they appear in the comic.

The rest of the level is just a plain old wall-to-wall storm of empty, poorly made blocks of material and something that may resemble a platformer level if you are [[Yawning Squirtle|stoned]] enough.

TL;DR: Incredibly boring first attempt at making a level, with some Sonichu stuff that appears randomly out of nowhere.

===CWC's Aqua Teen Hunger Force-Styled BurgerTime Level===

Chris continues the "one franchise + another franchise = totally unique and original and wholly his own" train of thought with... [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] and the arcade game BurgerTime??? WTF? Although it was rumored that this level was also left a smoking hole in the ground after Sony lashed out on rip-offs, it's still online and almost impossible to complete due to Chris' incompetent programming; in almost three years, the level has only been completed eight times.

===Sonichu costume===

Chris created a Sonichu costume for his Sackboy. Needless to say, it looked neither like a Sonichu or a costume.

===PS3 History Level===

{{main|PS3 History Level}}

The level that catapulted Chris to fame when it was featured in LittleBigPlanet website as one of the honorable mentions in a LBP contest. Vastly improved compared to Sonichu level, which still isn't saying much. Apparently, Chris figured out how to [[Pixelblocks|build things]], but completely forgot to add enemies, traps, or fun. Rather than including purposeful challenges, CWC decided to make the level so buggy you'd have to be [[autistic]] to sit through it.

The real purpose of this level is advertising his [[Fail |wonderful]] recreations of PS3, PSP and [[Gitar of Fail|the guitar controller]], dispensing prize bubbles, and most importantly, showing his PS3 game collection which includes ''four'' games with hot chicks, so you'd better not doubt his straightness.

Chris concludes this level with one of the most epic straight-faced fanboy rants in recent history; the speech bubbles tell us how Chris considers the PS3 to be the best "life upgrade" ever. Clearly, fanboy-ism is more important than quality.

Chris won the [[Metal Gear Solid]] level pack after this demonstration of the power of the weapon that will lead us into the 21st century.

===LittleBigPlanet Collector's Case===

Being an incurable packrat, Chris ran into problems when he was unable to save his accumulated garbage into his LBP profile. He figured out that since items you've collected can be placed into levels, he should create a "collector's case": A few boxes stacked atop each other, and elevators to make climbing easier. Stick items in bubbles, and photos to the background to remind you what's in it. Chris, of course, believed this was one of the most remarkable ideas ever, and asked everyone to thank him for this amazing original idea and give kudos to their new community mastermind. Never mind that there had been many similar "collector's cases" available in the servers already. Never mind that the idea of persistent storage in game levels had been around for decades.

Chris created two videos in which he demoed the levels, one with the level empty and ready for abuse, one with the cases jam-fucking-packed with Chris's stored items. Also, in the second video, Chris figured out how to hook up the microphone, so Sonichu's mouth now opens and closes in sync with Chris's words (to chilling effect).

===First Date Level===

Made in Valentine's Day 2009 and meant for [[Julie]], this level reaches towards good taste, and rapes it brutally. The level features some seemingly rather difficult-to-navigate buildings. A plagiarized "roller coaster" is the highlight of the level, with '''TWO''' [[BILLY MAYS | extreme]] loops, passing by some of the gaudiest pink trees in existence. Once these 10 seconds of mild amusement are over, [[fail]] inevitably appears. You're led into a [[Gay | pink]] room full of hearts, where you're supposed to take pictures of you and your [[sweetheart]]. Chris is completely unaware of how damn creepy this is.

He also condemns those who dare to play the level in one-player mode by making them take a path where a lever in the 'romantic dinner' scene takes a single player out of the level and into a depressing black-and-white void away from all the action, mocking the player for being single ("No Date? Wow, that sucks. :(" a speech balloon says as rocks pelt the poor bachelor Sackperson) as they mope and hang their head in shame all the way to the course clear screen.

The level was also recycled in [[#Rescuing Kacey|Rescuing Kacey]] video.

===Metal Speed Solid===

Oh God, you knew it was coming. Chris corrupts everything, no exceptions. In this abortion of a level, Chris distills the essence of ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'': [[Sonic|linear, boring speed sections]] and impossibly difficult turret sections that instantly kill you. Oh, and rave lights, lots of seizure inducing material, including an almost impossible jetpack race through a maze of electrified walls and glitchy sections where you must travel at 'Sonic speed'. Luckily, no one will ever have to sit through it. Why? Because, if the frustrating, repetitive deaths don't stop you, Chris's poorly made pathways will glitch you into giving up!

===Rescuing Kacey===

Rescuing Kacey was made in November 2009 and presented in video [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. The plot of this video roughly follows the [[Sonichu Special 4|Gun Comic]], which was leaked later. In this level, Chris rides some buses, mercilessly guns down Liquid Chris who is holding Kacey hostage, and receives [[User:CJB8895|massive ego]]-stroking from extremely crude cutout characters who represent Kacey's family. In a segment that was ''not'' in the comic, Chris and Kacey leap in the [[hanky-panky|bed]] in preparation for the date. The level is rather unremarkable until you realize that Chris is controlling Chris, Kacey ''and'' Liquid- just ''why'' did he buy three controllers for PS3?

The second half of the video also recycles the [[#First Date Level|First Date Level]], and makes no attempt at hiding the fact that it was created for Valentine's Day, 2009. Hint: ''Kacey and Chris weren't together yet back then.''

===The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom===
[[File:OwlLevel.jpg|thumb|A sackboy expresses his fury at being forced to play this.]]
"The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom ([[semen|Foretaste]] Version)" was announced on [[Twitter]] in February 9, 2010, and it's based on the compelling prose by Chris and the mysterious [[The Wallflower|Wallflower]]. It features owls, [[Chris and writing#Chris as a comic writer|walls of text]] and completely inexplicable (and inevitable) cameos by certain electric hedgehog Pokémons. A full version is apparently coming up, though judging by Chris's previous promises of producing things to a deadline and his general laziness, [[A_message_to_the_Trolls|alongside recent events]], the chances of a complete level coming up within the next decade are questionable at best. Chris has so far not produced a video of this level, but [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FFjCm0Xk3E the fanbase has documented this soulless, sloppy strigine sidestory]. Since Chris ruined his friendship with the Wallflower the level will probably never be completed.

==Sauces==

<references/>

==External links==

*[[Wikipedia:LittleBigPlanet|Wikipedia article on ''LittleBigPlanet'']]

{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC

2010-05-20T14:47:09Z

Der Zuschauer: /* A history (6:02 to 9:34) */

"'''I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC'''" (officially "'''I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts'''") is a video uploaded on 26 [[2009#July|July 2009]] by [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], in which he redefines the word [[Homos|gay]], showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].

==Summary==
[[Image:I Am The TRUE, Original.jpg|thumb|240px|Ian shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]].]]

The video opens with Ian standing in his room, wearing his [[Chris and fashion#Wardrobe|red shirt with blue and gray stripes]], [[Pedo-Glasses]], [[Medallions of Fail#Mark 3|Sonichu medallion]] and his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Ian announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the [[It's UGH!|two videos]] of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Ian tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends ''[[Monty Python]]''.

From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Ian looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Ian [[Do Not Dis C Ville|is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville]]. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and [[YouTube]] video annotations. Speaking of which, this video is unique with regards to the sheer number of annotations Chris incorporates into it - Chris's videos usually don't have any annotations, even when he is raging. It is possible that the additional effort of writing annotations for videos causes Chris too much [[stress]], leading him to more or less abandon them after attempting to use them in this video.

Ian then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and displaying (allegedly) original art from the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] while providing commentary.
{{clear}}

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
| image = {{#ev:youtube|XxWDwHvksOM}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 29 July 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage at the start then mellowing out when he talks about sonichu
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Horizontalredshirt.png]] Horizontal red shirt
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

====Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)====

Hi! [''points and waves finger''] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a [[Chris and Health|big, fat thing]].

[''jump cut'']

[[It's UGH!|The... urkay to be gay sign, nnhg...]].

[''jump cut'']

When I first read the lyrics I was being [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmailed]] into doing this.

[''jump cut'']

I felt queasy [''dramatically removes glasses''] from the first time I looked at the very first line [''dramatically discards glasses''] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that ''it was originally done as a mockery''! ''A mockery'' by the damn Tomboy. ''A mockery''! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [''arms outstretched''] ''Monty Python's Flying Circus''! {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Random Access Humor|Really Stupid Flying Donkey]]}} So therefore when I was saying ''it's okay to be gaaay'' I was saying it's okay to be STUPID! Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Honor roll|Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!!]]<ref>Webster's primary [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay definition] of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"</ref>}} Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:ChrisAnnotations.jpg|thumb|This is why [[YouTube]] made annotations: so Ian can communicate the need for "liberated vag".]]

The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [''annotations: ''I AM [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!!!!!!!!!, I LOVE [[Ivy|NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS]]!!!!!, GIVE ME LIBERATED [[China|VAG]]!!!!! and MY [[Duck|DUCK]] HUNGERS FOR [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!] Would I even be doing this if I—

[''jump cut'']

And look at me. Do I look like [''shakes head in disagreement'']—'''no more of those stupid acquisition messages!'''

[''jump cut'']

Get it through your '''fucking'''... '''individual'''... '''damn'''... '''dirty'''... '''''SKULLS'''''! '''I'''... '''am'''... '''STRAIGHT!'''

[''jump cut'']

[[Do Not Dis C Ville|Do not diss me any more!]] Or you will further diss [[CWCville]] and the city of [[Charlottesville]]!

====A history (1:44 to 4:11)====

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:issuezero.jpg|thumb|right|60px]]
But anyway, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking [[CChanSonichuCWC|imposter in brown]]! I am going to show you a history, [''produces a black folder with the cover picture from [[Sonichu 0]] on the cover, shakes his head like a smug, retarded tortoise, and raises the pitch of his voice considerably''] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?

[''jump cut to a close up of the Sonichu 0 cover'']

Ah yes, the infamous [''totally misunderstanding the meaning of the prefix -in''] classic hand-drawn cover of the [[Sonichu 0|''Number 0'']] book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.

[''jump cut to Ian's face poking out of the right side of the frame'']

My art [[Autism|speaks for me]]. Now let's look at some more.

[''jump cut'']

Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.

[[Image:SchuComicPage6.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]]'']

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqYkCJaBAyA Bad, bad Leeroy Brown.]

[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] kissing under some fireworks'']

Mine and the first romantic attempt,[regurgitating something his mother must have told him] and I did an awesome fuckin' job.

[[Image:Sonichu_Adventure_for_Gamecube.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of the cover of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]]

Here's another one.

[''jump cut'']

And that corner tag came from an original "only for GameCube" title that was originally... a GameCube title but then later it expanded to other consoles. [''pulls picture down and pokes his head in from right''] Damn [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]].

[[Image:issueone.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''Sonichu 1]

"Chemical X?"
"No, cherry cola."

[[Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to an ad for some retarded Pokémon cards'']

A favorite classic ad.

[[Image:SchuComic2Page23.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a page from ''Sonichu 1]

Oh yeah, here comes a laugh:

"I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu~"

[''laughing like a deranged lunatic at a joke not humorous to anyone but him''] "Hahahahaha!"

[[Image:SchuComic2Page35.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from another page from ''Sonichu 1]

What's the difference between [[Amy Rose|Amy]] and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.

[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the [[Axe]] ad'']

Only for the [[Homos|straight]] man. Axe. He use the Orizon—Orion scent.

"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"

"Yeah I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!" [''OH HO! Funny, Chris. Ba-zing!'']

====A history (4:11 to 6:01)====

[[Image:SchuComic3Page23.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|a scene]] from the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] arc of ''[[Sonichu 2]]]

Anuh—And now something completely different. An ''Inuyasha'' parody... very good.

[[Image:Issue3.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a closeup of the [[Chaotic Combo]] on the cover of [[Sonichu 3]]'']

[''sings''] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?

[[Image:SchuComic4Pages5%2B7.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to two overlapping pages of ''Sonichu 3'': the introductions of [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]]'']

Here you are, two famous ladies.

[[Image:SchuComic4Page8.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of [[G.D.W. Shinabe]]'']

[''sings'']I'm Nabeshin. My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was [[Mypoe]] you dang, old dorks.

[[Image:SchuSubE4P11.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|"McAttack"]] featuring a replica of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] made of [[pixelblocks|Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]'']]

[''high-pitched, squeaky voice'']Oh, look! I made it from Legos and Pixelblocks. And, believe it or not, [[Pixelated PS3|I play "Thunderhorse"]]! ''[[Guitar Hero]]''!

[[Image:issue4.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''[[Sonichu 4]]]

I went. I fought. I eventually conquered with courage.

[''jump cut'']

[[Cwc dare|Heaven only knows what you might find. DARE. Dare to keep all your dreams alive!]]

[[Image:Crystal.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from ''[[Sub-Episode 7]]]

The twin sister I wish I had in real-life.

[[Image:SchuSubE7P10.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another scene from ''Sub-Episode 7]

Holy Vector Sigma, [[Optimus Prime]]!

[''jump cut'']

Where's Bumblebee when I need him?

[[Image:Chris_blood.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from ''[[Sub-Episode 8]]]

Damn you, Bagget.

[[Image:Jack's_Knight_as_William_Spicer.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of ''[[Sonichu 5]]]

Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?

[''jump cut'']

[''gay voice''] The hole of the ''queeeeen''?

[[Image:Sonichu05-P14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Chris-chan Sonichu plays ''Yu-Gi-Oh!]

CWCspells, activate! Pshoo!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P15.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the page opposite'']

''Annnnnnnnd'' CREATURE SWAP!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Megan|Sailor Megtune]] and her Megagi La Skunk'']

In the name of all hearts in the universe—

[''jump cut'']

—we shall punish you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P20.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Megagi La Skunk punches Chris-chan Sonichu in the head'']

[''makes a punch noise'']

[''jump cut'']

That hurt.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P30.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Mary Lee Walsh'']

Damn you, dirty witch. Damn you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P37.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the first page of ''Episode 13'': a group picture containing Chris-chan, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo'']

Welcome to CWCville. Let's get this party started.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P38.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the following page'']

Evil witch, I will avenge all hearts you have shattered (including myself), which you have done in October [[2003]].

[[Image:Sonichu05-P41.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another page with Megan and Megagi'']

[''sings''] Uuuhduhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhduhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh ala Tuxedo Kamen! Duhduhduhnuhnuh

====A history (6:02 to 9:34)====
[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 6]

[[Patti]], I miss you. [[Chris and Death|Come home]]. We'll go play catch. And dear [[Kitty Chandler|Kitty]] misses you, too... very much so. I love you.

[''jump cut to image of Allison Amber from ''Sonichu 6]

Miss [[Allison Amber]] has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the [[time void|alternate dimension]]. Billy Mays was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and [[obesity|body-double]]. Shave off his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|beard]], we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [''sings''] ''Home Improvement''! ''Home Improvement''! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]

[''jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays'']

[[Chris and Death|Come on back]], [[Billy Mays]], and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!

[''jump cut to image of [[Bionic]] from ''Sonichu 6]

[[Bionic|Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star?]] [''sings'']

[[Chris and music|You're a shooting star,
No matter where you are,
As far as the eye can see,
No matter who you be.]]

Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. [[Chris and his ego|Nobody else could ever had the experience those individuals have]].

[''jump cut to image of [[Megan]] and Chris from [[Sonichu 7]]'']

Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. [[fail|Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!]]

[''jump cut to Chris'']

...And for that matter, [[The Game Place|Michael Snyder]], WHY?! [''annotation: ''Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.]

[''jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from ''Sonichu 7]
[''Peter Griffin laugh''] Before time travel back, I got to visit the Ghostbusters' house. [''more Peter Griffin laugh'']

[''jump cut to image of [[Kellie Andes]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Kellie, [[lie|I hope you are happy in your married life.]]

[''jump cut to image of [[Joseph Herring]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.

[''jump cut to ''Beavis and Butt-head'' ripoff from ''Sonichu 7]

[''Beavis voice''] Check it out, Butt-head. Somebody left their locker open.

[''terrible Butt-head impression''] Let's close it for them. BAAAM! Who wants to make love today? [''high-pitched girl voice''] Oh, we do! We do teacher! Alright. April, Lorry, Susan... ''Simoooooone''....

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from ''Sonichu 7]

I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Sonee. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [''annotation: ''March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!] married March 17th, 2006 at [[Angelica]]'s church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two [[Rosey|Roseys]] and a [[Sonee]]. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!

[''jump cut to drawing of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'']

[''[[Chris and music|sings]]''] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!

[''jump cut to cover of [[Sonichu 8]]'' ]

Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get [[Chris's Big Night Out|drunk]]. Woo!

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of an American flag from ''Sonichu 8]

We, the electric hedgehogs and everybody in the city of CWCville as a [[C-ville]] within the state of Virginia, stand firm and strong as proud citizens of these United States that everybody have [[Twin Falling Towers|fought so hard for the freedom of.]]

[''jump cut to image of Rosechu from ''Sonichu 8]

WE HAVE [[China|VAGINAS]], DUMBASSES!

[''jump cut to "Knothole" ad from ''Sonichu 8]

[[Parody|KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!]]

[''jump cut to image of [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles]] from ''Sonichu 8]

Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4th, 2009 [''annotation: ''July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [''cackles''] [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|TONIGHT]]!

[''jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from ''Sonichu 8]

...leaving hundreds injured. For [[Excel Saga|ricto FQX]], I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!

[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 9]
Workin' on it! [''annotation: ''Workin' On It]

====One final tidbit (9:34 - 9:55)====
And now for one final tidbit a spit of retribution against Howard the fiend {{YoutubeAnnotation|What The Hells Were You Thinkin' With That Damn, Dirty Pickle Suit, Brine-Headed Nerd?}} from the cult of [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle-suited fiends]]. Divine retribution for that day you stole [[Emily]], [''gives the finger''] you damn watchman.

[''jump cut to picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Howard and a hedgehog'']

[''sings''] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?

==Sauces and notes==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|nextlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|}}
{{Template:The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

CWC is Sad

2010-05-20T13:38:20Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Transcript */ Consistency! =D

"'''CWC is sad'''" (officially "'''11112009'''") is a video uploaded on 10 [[November 2009]] in which Solid Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) cries over the marriage of [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Kacey]], showing an intense amount of [[stress]]. He's also understanding and calm, which is quite strange considering he had just recently drawn a comic explicitly depicting himself [[Sonichu Special 4|shooting his unarmed romantic rival]] barely days before. This is obviously an [[Fail|attempt at sympathy]] from Kacey. The effect is somewhat ruined when Ian gets her name wrong at the end, calling her "Katey".

It would seem Ian has done something to fix his [[PSEye]], as the reduced picture quality is more in line with the videos filmed with that camera rather than the one he started using in [[For Kacey II]], and only an occasional skip is heard in the audio. He is also wearing the same shirt that he drew himself wearing in [[Sonichu Special 4]], which was leaked on 8 November 2009. Given [[Chris and health|Solid Chris's hygiene]] and the events of the preceding several days, it's not entirely out of the question that he wore that shirt for almost a week.

Note that Ian prefaces this video by saying that Kacey hung up on him before he could tell her any of this. If he is referring to the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], then the reality of the situation is that he hung up on Kacey moments before she could officially break up with him, like the dickless loser he is.

When it first appeared, many trolls wondered whether this video might be a sign that Chris had finally been "broken." As it turned out, this was not to be the case, for a contrived moment of pure luck was enough to give Chris's [[Heart level|shattered heart a speedy recovery]], and Chris popped up on YouTube again just [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|a day later]] with a copyright certificate for ''[[Sonichu]]'', showing no signs that his breakup with Kacey had any lasting effect.

== Video ==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 11112009
| image = {{#ev:youtube|7OK4ewK2ewc}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Tragedy.png]] Tragedy
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Dangerstripeshirt.PNG]] DangerStripe
| previous = [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]]
| next = [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]
}}
</center>

===Transcript===
[''close up on Ian's face, which reveals that his expression is grim, and he [[sigh]]s before beginning to speak'']

Well, Kacey, I... just letcha know... because you hung up when I was, was trying to say it....

[''a short intake of breath: he is trying not to cry'']

I'm sorry for hurting you and mistreating you, but, this, is a lot, it's some...—I's...mixed it with honest truth... uhh.. but, you know, it's fine....

[''Ian chokes back another sob'']

If you feel that [[CChanSonichuCWC|your Chris]] will make you happy, it's fine. Congratuwations on your wedding. I wish you and Chris all the happiness in the world. [''sob''] I'll say... I'll say a prayer for you, for a lovely wedding and a safe honeymoon....

[''Ian sniffles repeatedly, followed by several sighs, obviously on the verge of breaking down'']

At least I.. I care about you, Kacey. You mean...a lot to me. [''sniffle''] For more...[[China|more than just a friend]]. You have every right to be happy.

[''another long pause, sniffles, sighs'']

I guess I'll see you around, or hear or talk to you again or...... I guess.

[''Ian sings briefly.'']

"It's another day...."

But anyway, take care of yourself. Stay safe. God bless you. You're a sweet gentle caring person, tender loving care, Katey. I love you.

[''Ian looks up and away, and the video ends.'']

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]]|nextlink=[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]|}}
{{Template:Sweetheart Videos}}
{{Template:The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

Asperchu

2010-05-19T20:37:15Z

Der Zuschauer: /* CWCipedia advertisements */

[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
:''This article discusses the award-winning comic series '''Asperchu''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the Asperchu series itself, please see [[Fan:Asperchu]].''

'''Asperchu''' is a popular award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary. His deft artwork, gripping stories, and excellent characterization has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
While Alec has stated that [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|Asperchu is not a Parody]] of [[Chris]], there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|youtube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a Sonichu who suffers from [[Aspergers]], for some reason.

==Chris on Asperchu==

{{quote|''Die'', you son of a bitch! Alec... '''Die'''.|[[Chris]] on Asperchu - [[Down With Asperchu]]}}

[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]

It's no secret that Chris hates [[Aspergers]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some misguided sense of competition between Aspergers syndrome and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an Electric Hedgehog Pokemon who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even worse when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The [[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu|first recorded communication]] we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively. Chris didn't respond any better on his public mailbag, claiming that Alec was jealous of him and alleging that the included fanart of Asperchu and Sonichu implied homosexuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec [[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo|sent him another letter]], depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine straight fun. This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In Asperchu Issue C (or 0C), Chris made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.

Since the Asperchu saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky pictures". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that Sonichu is supposed to be a ''kids' comic''. As for the "low resolution and blocky pictures", the artwork is done through an art program (presumably Photoshop, if one of Alec's correspondences to Chris is correct), thus it does seem a bit blocky. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking Mona Lisa. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Mao, rockin' sunglasses]]
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of Asperchu, and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]], and [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|Sonichu is Dead]] creator Sean August Watley's latest project, [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]. In [[February 2010]], more comics were added, including Alec's Sonichu Revolution, Sean's Sonichu is Dead and Sonichu is Gay, and Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]].

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of Asperchu, immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a series of increasingly disturbing videos<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]], [[12 January 2010]], [[14 January 2010]], [[15 January 2010]] and [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref> where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in 2 short [[YouTube]] videos.

The large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the US government's efforts to help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.

Due to the growing popularity of Asperchu over Sonichu, the site recently set up a fan portal where aspiring writers can make their own Sonichu fanfictions. Various pre-existing titles, including [[Fan:Sonichu: The Animated Series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]] and [[Fan:Sonichu the TRUE and HONEST Comic Series|Sonichu the TRUE and HONEST Comic Series]], are also hosted in the fan section. There is even a parody version of [[CWCipedia]] set up by Mao, where totally fictitious articles on Sonichu-related things are made, including photoshopped images of the original comic.

===The 19 January Demands===
On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded 12 new pages of [[Sonichu 10]], which are centered mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic savior]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'' and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him Mitch Sonichu.|Chris's featured quote on 19 January 2010}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==

In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a video]] Chris has finally admitted that Asperchu is not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and is instead a completely original character. He also apologizes for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responds to fanmail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologizes for trying to commandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though tactfully avoids mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeds to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|Cwcipedia ads]], which have becoming increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, decides to give up Simonla and delivers a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing to Mao, hopefully to finally remove the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris.)

On 25 February 2010, Chris released the last pages of [[Sonichu 10]], in which he does kill Simonla... but turns around and ''kills'' the "Asperchu Four". It remains to be seen as to what happens.

==Phone calls==
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}

{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}

On 9 February 2010 Mao sent Evan and Sean a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and Chris. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear. An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|ninth]] phone call between Chris and Alec followed on 18 February and 25 February, respectively.

==Trial and execution of Asperpedia staff==

{{Quote|We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.|Chris, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

Despite Alec attempting to help Chris out several times during the phonecalls, Chris would involve Alec, along with Mao, Sean and Evan, in the penultimate pages of ''[[Sonichu 10]]''. They are portrayed as stupid, murderous characters, who are tried by Cwcville's Court for the murder of Simonla, as well as the theft and mockery of several citizens of Cwcville. After a rather one-sided trial (in Cwcville's favor, of course), Alec and co. are sentenced to death, Alec specifically in a "ten-button Electric chair". He is electrocuted to death by various characters that were "misrepresented" in ''Asperchu'', including Sonichu, who states that he is [[Homos|"not gay"]] as he jointly ends Alec's life. Chris himself also joins in on the fun, and ironically states that Alec is a "d*** lunatic", after which he helps fry him to a crisp and breaks all of Mao's bones using telekinesis. Evan is horribly mutilated by [[Sandy Rosechu]] whilst chained to a wall, and [[Moon-Pals|Sean]] is used as target practice by Bill the Scientist, Kel and Allison.

During this brutality, Chris also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|apologizes]] for some of his own wrongdoings towards the Asperchu Four, as well as his fans.

==Sonichu Revolution==

When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided Sonichu fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new Asperchu comics.

Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way. In the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call]], he accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him. Also, while he expressed offense at the violence of some of the Sonichu Revolution strips, he showed no signs of grasping the way Alec's comic mocks the unoriginality, moral hypocrisy, sexual degeneracy, and generally warped outlook of Chris's original Sonichu stories.

===Sonichu Revolution Gallery===

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution4.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution05.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution08.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution10.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution11.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution12.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution13.jpg
</gallery>

</center>

==CWCipedia advertisements==

[[File:Asperchuissue5ad.jpg|thumb|200px|The ad in question.]]

Shortly after 110MB returned from what may be its billionth outage, a large Asperchu ad appeared at the top of every article, depicting [[Sonichu]] shooting <s>Chris</s> Ian in the calves ([[Sonichu Special 4|sound familiar?]]) while calling him a "[[Honest Content|fat little son of a bitch]]". Chris claimed that he won't let the ad get to him, but as anyone who has heard a lulzcow claim this before knows, this implies that he could possibly be one good push away from an explosion. Either that, or he failed to grasp this ad like the [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] ad parody.

[[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] came across this ad and, thinking it was one of the Sonichu comics, thought it was, as advertised, fucking awesome. Chris explained to her it was really a troll advertisement, which eventually lead to him showing her [[CWCki]] and her finding out what a lazy monster he is, ending the online correspondance. So even if it failed to provoke a response from Chris, it managed to perform some small service in [[The Miscreants|the larger scheme of things]].

[[File:AsperchuMarkDeux.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The (other) ad in question.]]

Eventually, the ad was taken down, although it was quickly replaced with another, smaller one featuring a callback to the scene of Evan's cold-blooded torture from [[Sonichu 10]]. Chris has yet to respond to this, most likely because he's too busy [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|bitching about being not being unbanned from The GAMe PLACe]].

[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|200px|The (final) ad in question.]]

Yet another ad was put up a few days later, depicting Ian Brandon Anderson's final death. It was taken down relatively quickly and replaced with an Autism Awareness Month ad (featuring a mention of the hated [[Asperger's syndrome]], no less), so it isn't unreasonable to believe Chris may have missed this one entirely.

==Footnotes==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Fan:Asperchu]]: More about the comic itself
*[[Fan:Index]]: Other Sonichu-inspired works of art

==External links==
*[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]: Asperchu's very own Wiki
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's YouTube channel]

[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]

Patti Chandler

2010-05-18T19:36:32Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Current Activity */

[[Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|right|thumb|Patti Chandler, eater of souls.]]
[[File:PattiAbomination.png|thumb|Patti today.]]

{{Quote|My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]] }}

'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[Chris]]'s childhood dog who was put to sleep<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> in [[2006]]. Chris brought Patti back to life in one of his comics, where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for welfare in [[CWCville]].

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Flying Dutchman|Flying Dutchman]], who was cursed to roam the seven seas forever, Patti is cursed to [[Patti-Chan|wander in CWCville]] as she is not allowed to rest in peace.

There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, five, ten tons".<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he [[11042009 51 50|honestly believes that's how much it weighs]].

When confronted about his [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]], or when someone tries to point out that he has [[Father Call|never once experienced true hardship in his miserable life]], Chris is always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his [[Aunt Corrina]] (who gave Patti to him in the first place). Chris seems to only mention his aunt as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a [[Ryan Cash|close family member]] and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.

It is entirely possible that Patti was the only life form to ever love Chris out of anything other than obligation. Patti was also probably the only acquaintance with which Chris has ever had very much in common. Not because they shared a mystical bond between man and beast, brought about through the wondrous unexplained mysteries of autism, but because they were both animals driven by brute instinct with no level of higher comprehension whatsoever.

According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a video from January 2010]], Patti now lives in [[CWCville|hell]] and feasts on [[Duck|human souls]]. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville ''is'' hell.

==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
<blockquote>
 Patti Chandler
 March 17, [[1980s#1988|1988]] to June 27, [[2006]]

 Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
 My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a [[CWCville|doggy heaven where she will be happier]], because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Robert Chandler]], and the [[Scampers Chandler|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.

 I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
 -When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
 -The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.
 -The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
 -The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
 -The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
 -The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a "Bally-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.
 -The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
 -There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
 -[[Wikipedia:Border collie|I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead]].

 When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Fail|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." [[Lies|As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."]]

 But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></blockquote>

==Current Activity==

Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and bellyrubs in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [[Dreams#The Patti-chan dream|assure her former master]] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Chris has averred]] that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg|Patti relaxing.
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg|Waiting for her master's [[Chris and health|fat ass]] at [[McDonald's]].
Image:0052-Patti.JPG
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg|Although Patti lived in a cage outside, it was at least 1000 times better than the disaster zone called the Chandler house.
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|"That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons."
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/PattiChandler Patti's YouTube channel]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's entry on CWCipedia]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Pets]]

Ian Brandon Anderson

2010-05-18T18:57:30Z

Der Zuschauer:

{{Protip|If you're going to call Chris "Ian" on CWCki, do so only in the context of this saga.}}

[[Image:Sweetheartfromthegroundup.jpg|thumb|left|Ian the [[Sonee]] (and child) rapist.]]
[[Image:Nochian notopher.gif|thumb|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]
[[File:JAELou2.jpg|thumb|IBA Chandler (right) with some unrelated fatass (left)]]

[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (born '''Issac Brandon Anderson''' on 24 February [[1982]]) is a psychopathic [[troll]] who apparently takes delight in impersonating and slandering the good name of [[Liquid Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]. The existence of this impostor was not generally known until the summer of [[2009]], when he opened his own [[YouTube]] account, "'''IBAChandler'''", in direct opposition to the real Chris at [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. For the sake of clarity, the Sonichu fan base has come to refer to the real Chris as "[[Liquid Chris]]", while the impostor has been dubbed '''"Solid Chris"'''.

At first glance, the two men appear to be mirror images of one another, attesting to the diabolical skill of the impostor. However, upon closer inspection many differences become apparent, each subtle variation serving to establish Liquid as the TRUE and HONEST Chris-chan. For example, although Ian does indeed have [[heterochromia]], one of his eyes is blue and the other is BROWN, not GREEN. Also, while not easily seen by the untrained eye, Solid is considerably overweight. This is in stark contrast with the slim, athletic, autistic hero depicted in the official [[Sonichu]] [[comic]]s. Finally, whereas Chris has spent a lifetime extolling the virtues of abstinence from [[alcohol]] and [[homos]]exuality, the impostor is a [[Chris's Big Night Out|heavy drinker]], and has admitted to [[Recycling|swallowing semen]].

The extent of Ian's imposture may never truly be known, since it is difficult for historians to discern which footage depicts the real CWC or the fake. It is now believed that many of the actions the [[trolls]] once ascribed to the real Chris were in fact perpetrated by Ian posting videos in Chris's YouTube accounts. This has resulted in a reconciliation between Liquid and the trolls, as they have come to recognize Ian as a mutual threat.

Ian Brandon Anderson (probably) has no connection to [[wikipedia:Ian_Anderson_(musician)| Ian Scott Anderson]]. Or to the IBA Chandler sniper rifle. He is however an important character in ''[[Asperchu]]''.

==Exposure==

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = C.W.C. Impostor is REVEALED (True & Original Parents Discussed)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Yjt2S8FV4Sk}}
| Stardate = 3 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Rumours.png]] Rumours
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| Other = The [[Solid Chris|fake Chris-chan]] is revealed to be none other than the evil Ian Brandon Anderson at 2:46.
| previous = [[SingStar Challenge Round 3#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|Heaven]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge Round 4#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|Think Twice]]
}}

By [[June 2009]], the real Chris's reputation was in shambles, having been accused of receiving cybersex from young boys and distributing a video of himself copulating with a sex doll. Perhaps letting this success go to his head, Ian Brandon Anderson became sloppy. He is believed to have hacked the CChanSonichu YouTube account on 05 June, posting a series of videos which suggested that Chris is gay. After pretending to be Chris "regaining" the account on 10 June, Ian began posting a series of videos apparently showing Chris experimenting with alcoholic beverages (and risking death in a quick-crash second). The thought of Chris betraying his ideals to this degree raised serious doubts about the veracity of the videos, although an explanation defied the Sonichu fan base.

Finally, on 21 June 2009, the answers became clear when the real Chris returned to YouTube on a new account, CChanSonichuCWC. In his first video on this account, Liquid described having been absent from YouTube for a considerable time, leading fans to ask "if the real Chris hasn't been posting videos on CChanSonichu, who has?" The situation exploded on 03 July 2009 when Liquid was finally made aware of the impostor usurping his old account. Although Solid's true identity had not been established, his existence was now out in the open, and true and loyal Sonichu fans would begin to spot the myriad of tiny imperfections in his disguise.

Perhaps feeling this pressure, Ian [[The July 10th Messages|lashed out on 10 July]], causing the CChanSonichu account to be suspended altogether. It was at this point that Ian made his most fatal mistake, by not simply hacking into Liquid's YouTube but creating one of his own. Unable to contain his own hubris, the impostor could not help but to give a subtle clue with his new username: IBAChandler.

[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|thumb|IBA and [[Liquid Chris]]]]

Seeking to destroy Liquid's reputation once and for all, Solid posted [[Rollin' and Trollin']] on 17 July, which claimed that the Christian Weston Chandler we all knew and loved had never really existed at all, and that it was all Solid playing a character to troll the loyal fan base. For the first time fans saw the impostor in a new light--with a filthy beard, ill-fitting clothes which revealed his girth, and hideous tattoos along his arms--and realized that this man could not be Chris. Fans now flocked to CChanSonichuCWC, realizing that he was indeed the one.

His coup de grace having backfired, Ian posted [[CWC Trollin More]] on 19 July, claiming that the 17 July video had been a deception and that he really was what he had claimed to be. But by now it was too late.

==CWCivil War==

Using Liquid's announcement of official Sonichu merchandise for sale as a pretext, on [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 22nd, 2009|22 July]] Solid began to decry Liquid as the impostor. Of course, since Liquid really ''isn't'' the impostor, Solid was forced to use some extremely bizarre reasoning to prove his assertion, focusing primarily on the absurd claim that Liquid's beloved [[Sonichu medallion]] is made of paper. Solid also proceeded to leave inflammatory comments on Liquid's videos:

<blockquote>
"GIVE IT UP, Dumbass. YOU are Not Me, the Real CWC, and you Wish you Were. I Challenge you to Sow yourself in my Real Life Presence, O I can really give you a piece of my mind.

No Peace, Christian C."
 
"Hey, DUMBASS! YOU WISH YOU WERE ME! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA BEFORE August 2, 2009. If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "NAIVE", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day. Christopher Christian Weston Chandler"
</blockquote>

Of course, this challenge is insincere on its face. Since Liquid ''lives'' at 14 Branchland Ct, there was nowhere for him to go, and nothing to force Solid to show up.

In their next confrontation on 26 July, Liquid announced the development of a Sonichu video game and the beginning of his relationship with [[Kacey]]. He also revealed crucial information he had uncovered about his hated doppleganger:

<blockquote>
It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON).
</blockquote>

Solid also [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|posted a video on 26 July]], apparently believing that showing a few printouts of Sonichu comics, which anyone can obtain, proves that he is the one who drew them. By now it was clear that Ian's modus operandi would be to attempt to prove his claims by demonstrating skills that the real Christian Weston Chandler also possesed. On 29 July Solid played ''[[CWC More Than A Feeling|Guitar Hero]]'' and spoke [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009#Addendum|in Spanish]]; Liquid responded by playing a real guitar and speaking four languages. Finally, in a dramatic demonstration, Ian [[Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back|shaved off his beard]], as if we would somehow forget that he had one in the first place.

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Denial: The Ian Brandon Anderson Story (trailer)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iS42GGu2f2o}}
| Stardate = 29 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GodAndTheBearFilms GodAndTheBearFilms]
| Subject = Ian Brandon Anderson
| Video Type = Moch-Trailer
}}</center>

==Contact with Kacey==

While harrassing Liquid, Ian attempted to manipulate his true sweetheart and future wife [[Kacey]]. [[Kacey_Phone_Call|Ian spoke to Kacey over the phone]], posing as Liquid. Of course, since Ian has perfected his impersonation, even Kacey was unable to tell who she was really speaking to, causing her to reveal mature honest content and endure Ian's disgusting sexual advances. Ian would also attempt to convince Kacey that he is the true Chris in [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|a video]], where he obviously spliced together footage of Liquid drawing Sonichu with footage of Solid holding up a printout of the same drawing. Ian has consistently shown affection toward Kacey, going so far as to suggest he can only tolerate Liquid out of respect for Kacey's feelings. It is evident that this is merely a ploy to make himself look like the bigger man and thereby seduce Kacey into becoming his Woman Slave.

==SingStar Challenge==

{{main|SingStar Challenge}}

Having clearly lost his nerve in the face of the true CWC, Ian Brandon Anderson issued a challenge to Liquid, in which they would each sing five songs and let a panel of six judges (chosen by the Chrises) determine the winner. The wisdom of this proposal was seriously questioned, as it is well known that the TRUE and HONEST Chris has the voice of an angel with a [[Sonichu_Girls#Chris.27s_Posts_on_Sonichu_Girls|Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor]]. Trolls and Sonichu fans alike considered the SingStar Challenge to be a referendum on the issue of who, indeed, is the real Chris-chan.

Halfway through the contest, it was already apparent that Liquid was winning. A visibly defeated Ian began appealing to Chris's famously deep spirituality, and requested that Liquid's final song be "Lift Up Your Eyes". However, Liquid, in a daring gambit, responded by forcing the imposter to sing "Smell Yo Dick". Ian resisted, but eventually sang the song perfectly, demonstrating that he cannot be the true Chris because he likes to smell men's dicks. In the aftermath of the contest, Solid has repeatedly insisted that there was never anything at stake, and that Liquid's overwhelming victory settled nothing.

==Shit just got real==

Immediately after Chris's announcement that he would be leaving YouTube to focus on the Sonichu media empire and his beloved fiance Kacey, a video was posted on his account in which Liquid is seen restrained in a filthy room while Ian Brandon Anderson taunts him. It is believed that, as of this writing, Ian has invaded 14 Branchland Ct., captured Chris, and gained access to Chris's YouTube account. Thus far, Ian's own YouTube account has shown no indication of these events, perhaps to establish a veil of plausible deniability.

As a result of Ian's kidnapping of Chris, it can be presumed that any further authentication Ian presents has been illegally obtained from Liquid's home. Future videos in which Ian holds up academic degrees, photo albums, and Sonichu artwork cannot be taken at face value, and should not be considered evidence that Ian Brandon Anderson is the real Christopher Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler.

CWCki joins the rest of the Sonichu community in hoping for a speedy resolution to this nightmare, and offers their prayers for the safe return of Liquid Chris.

==LIQUID LIVES!==

On 15 October, a video was posted on Liquid's account, regarding that he had escaped from his kidnapper and explaining several things.
However, being the butthurt retard he is, Ian soon after posted a video denying everything.

==External links==
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Ian_Brandon_Anderson Ian Brandon Anderson] on [[Asperpedia]]

{{Template:The_Cwcivil_War_of_2009}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

YouTube

2010-05-18T18:54:01Z

Der Zuschauer:

[[Image:Youtubehacked.jpg|thumb|Chris's original YouTube channel, after it was hacked.]]
[[Image:Happybday.jpg|thumb||right|Chris commenting on a video thinking it was meant for him.]]
'''YouTube''' is the primary arena in the online world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who has occasionally called it "the YouTube." Although his website may get hacked and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] might crash and [[110mb]] will suck balls, YouTube.com is always up and operational, and Chris is always producing new [[Captain's Log]] videos and reacting to the videos of his [[trolls|friends]] and [[trolls|enemies]].

For Chris, YouTube is not merely a way to post videos dedicated to his alleged adoring fanbase and issue broad condemnations of trolling; it is also a communication channel. Chris has posted several videos on his YouTube channel that he apparently believes will be only viewed by the people he addressed the videos to – and that they'll view the video even when they haven't been made aware of Chris's channel. He has addressed individual trolls, individual alleged fans, [[sweetheart]]s and especially former sweethearts, journalists<ref>[[10 September 2009]]</ref> and TV shows<ref>[[For G4s Web Soup]]</ref><ref>[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant]]</ref>, local business managers<ref>[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]</ref> and other people within driving distance of his house. As of [[2009]], Chris is wary of email and other text-based forms of communication, having been burned by alleged sweethearts who turned out to have [[pickle]]s. In order to satisfy his ever-inflating ego, he searches videos labeled "Chris-chan".

Chris records all his wacky video antics with his [[PSEye]] (he refuses to turn on the goddamn lights, hence the low quality of his videos). The videos he wants the world to see end up on YouTube. The videos he reconsiders and deletes also end up on YouTube. The videos he sends privately to trusted [[gal pal]]s end up on YouTube. The videos he makes depicting himself in the nude usually get taken down from YouTube, but that's what SlutLoad is for. A high priority among the internet bullies is to archive every video Chris has ever made, which is fairly challenging since Chris will often DELETE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING when he thinks he's embarrassed himself or left himself open to attack.

Luckily, [[Arjen Van Dierten]] archived them on his YouTube account for prosperity of future lulz. As he has retired from this duty, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] (and several unrelated YouTubers) save Chris's video-encased faggotry for future generations.

==Chris's YouTube accounts==

===Sonichu ([[May 2007]] - [[September 2008]])===

Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL YouTube account was [http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu Sonichu], created on 08 May 2007. The account originally served to host the trailer for his [[DVD]], his [[Future Message]], and the clips of himself on the evening news.

Following his discovery of the ED page in [[November 2007]], Chris began using the account to post videos arguing against ED's [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], and by [[August 2008]] it had become the base of operations for his war against all of ED. The Sonichu account was hacked during a massive ED counteroffensive on September 11; Chris deleted the account, apparently hoping to escape from the trolls under a new username.

===[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789 CChan6789] ([[September 2008]] - [[March 2009]])===

Chris created CChan6789 on 18 September 2008, and abandoned it on 30 March 2009. This account saw many of the most famous and classic Chris-chan moments, including him [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]] and [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|raging at Clyde Cash for the first time]]. Amazingly, CChan6789 remains open with several videos still intact. According to his [[Jackie e-mails|talks with Jackie]], the only reason this account was lost was because Chris lost his password and he was too dim to realize that there's a ''password recovery'' function.

===CChanSonichu ([[April 2009]] - [[July 2009]])===

Although Chris abandoned CChan6789 with the intent of preventing the trolls from having new footage to mock him with, Chris returned with [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichu CChanSonichu] on 09 April 2009. This account saw even more classic Chris moments, such as him [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|admitting to drinking his jizz]]. The account was hacked on 05 June 2009, although Chris subsequently regained access and posted [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting and threatening videos]] which caused the account to be suspended on 11 July.

===[[IBAChandler]] ([[July 2009]] - [[August 2009]])===

Rather than attempt to reactivate CChanSonichu or simply reuse CChan6789, Chris immediately created [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAChandler IBAChandler] on 11 July 2009. This new username confused many faggots, requiring Chris to slowly explain thousands of times that "IBAChandler" is a pun meaning "I be a Chandler," as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers."

Chris's initial use of the IBAChandler account was to post [[Rollin' and Trollin'|a video with his new look]], claiming he was and had always been a troll posing as an autistic manchild. This resulted in the narrative that the owner of IBAChandler was an impostor named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], and that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] was in fact the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

===[http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler] ([[August 2009]] - present)===

To dispel the claims he's Ian Brandon Anderson, Chris made a new account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler], which makes it clear (or so he believes) that he is Christian Weston Chandler.

Of course, that's what Ian Brandon Anderson would have you think.

===[http://www.youtube.com/user/ClydeGreggCashMays ClydeGreggCashMays] ([[October 2009]] - [[November 2009]]) ===

Apparently very vaguely aware that YouTube accounts that are used for blackmailing people tend to get shut down, Chris created this account to post his blackmail videos of Clyde Cash, so that in the unlikely event of YouTube noticing his repulsive activities, his main account won't get shut down.

It is very possible that YouTube terms of service don't work this way. But what do we know? We've only read the terms of service, not Chris's mind.

==See also==
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

==Other notable YouTube accounts==

*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary The CWCville Library]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg Vivian's home of the audiobooks]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC The real Christian Weston Chandler]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu The Asperpedia Channel]

==Sauces==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]

YouTube

2010-05-18T18:47:47Z

Der Zuschauer:

[[Image:Youtubehacked.jpg|thumb|Chris's original YouTube channel, after it was hacked.]]
[[Image:Happybday.jpg|thumb||right|Chris commenting on a video thinking it was meant for him.]]
'''YouTube''' is the primary arena in the online world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who has occasionally called it "the YouTube." Although his website may get hacked and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] might crash and [[110mb]] will suck balls, YouTube.com is always up and operational, and Chris is always producing new [[Captain's Log]] videos and reacting to the videos of his [[trolls|friends]] and [[trolls|enemies]].

For Chris, YouTube is not merely a way to post videos dedicated to his alleged adoring fanbase and issue broad condemnations of trolling; it is also a communication channel. Chris has posted several videos on his YouTube channel that he apparently believes will be only viewed by the people he addressed the videos to – and that they'll view the video even when they haven't been made aware of Chris's channel. He has addressed individual trolls, individual alleged fans, [[sweetheart]]s and especially former sweethearts, journalists<ref>[[10 September 2009]]</ref> and TV shows<ref>[[For G4s Web Soup]]</ref><ref>[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant]]</ref>, local business managers<ref>[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]</ref> and other people within driving distance of his house. As of [[2009]], Chris is dubious of email and other text-based forms of communication, having been burned by alleged sweethearts who turned out to have [[pickle]]s. In order to satisfy his ever-inflating ego, he searches videos labeled "Chris-chan".

Chris records all his wacky video antics with his [[PSEye]] (he refuses to turn on the goddamn lights, hence the low quality of his videos). The videos he wants the world to see end up on YouTube. The videos he reconsiders and deletes also end up on YouTube. The videos he sends privately to trusted [[gal pal]]s wind up on YouTube. The videos he makes depicting himself in the nude usually get taken down from YouTube, but that's what SlutLoad is for. A high priority among the internet bullies is to archive every video Chris has ever made, which is fairly challenging since Chris will often DELETE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING when he thinks he's embarrassed himself or left himself open to attack.

Luckily, [[Arjen Van Dierten]] archived them on his YouTube account for prosperity of future lulz. As he has retired from this duty, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] (and several unrelated YouTubers) save Chris's video-encased faggotry for future generations.

==Chris's YouTube accounts==

===Sonichu ([[May 2007]] - [[September 2008]])===

Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL YouTube account was [http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu Sonichu], created on 08 May 2007. The account originally served to host the trailer for his [[DVD]], his [[Future Message]], and the clips of himself on the evening news.

Following his discovery of the ED page in [[November 2007]], Chris began using the account to post videos arguing against ED's [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], and by [[August 2008]] it had become the base of operations for his war against all of ED. The Sonichu account was hacked during a massive ED counteroffensive on September 11; Chris deleted the account, apparently hoping to escape from the trolls under a new username.

===[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789 CChan6789] ([[September 2008]] - [[March 2009]])===

Chris created CChan6789 on 18 September 2008, and abandoned it on 30 March 2009. This account saw many of the most famous and classic Chris-chan moments, including him [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]] and [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|raging at Clyde Cash for the first time]]. Amazingly, CChan6789 remains open with several videos still intact. According to his [[Jackie e-mails|talks with Jackie]], the only reason this account was lost was because Chris lost his password and he was pretty much too dim to realize that there's a ''password recovery'' function.

===CChanSonichu ([[April 2009]] - [[July 2009]])===

Although Chris abandoned CChan6789 with the intent of preventing the trolls from having new footage to mock him with, Chris returned with [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichu CChanSonichu] on 09 April 2009. This account saw even more classic Chris moments, such as him [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|admitting to drinking his jizz]]. The account was hacked on 05 June 2009, although Chris subsequently regained access and posted [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting and threatening videos]] which caused the account to be suspended on 11 July.

===[[IBAChandler]] ([[July 2009]] - [[August 2009]])===

Rather than attempt to reactivate CChanSonichu or simply reuse CChan6789, Chris immediately created [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAChandler IBAChandler] on 11 July 2009. This new username confused many faggots, requiring Chris to slowly explain thousands of times that "IBAChandler" is a pun meaning "I be a Chandler," as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers."

Chris's initial use of the IBAChandler account was to post [[Rollin' and Trollin'|a video with his new look]], claiming he was and had always been a troll posing as an autistic manchild. This resulted in the narrative that the owner of IBAChandler was an impostor named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], and that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] was in fact the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

===[http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler] ([[August 2009]] - present)===

To dispel the claims he's Ian Brandon Anderson, Chris made a new account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler], which makes it clear (or so he believes) that he is Christian Weston Chandler.

Of course, that's what Ian Brandon Anderson would have you think.

===[http://www.youtube.com/user/ClydeGreggCashMays ClydeGreggCashMays] ([[October 2009]] - [[November 2009]]) ===

Apparently very vaguely aware that YouTube accounts that are used for blackmailing people tend to get shut down, Chris created this account to post his blackmail videos of Clyde Cash, so that in the unlikely event of YouTube noticing his repulsive activities, his main account won't get shut down.

It is very possible that YouTube terms of service don't work this way. But what do we know? We've only read the terms of service, not Chris's mind.

==See also==
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

==Other notable YouTube accounts==

*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary The CWCville Library]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg Vivian's home of the audiobooks]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC The real Christian Weston Chandler]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu The Asperpedia Channel]

==Sauces==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9

2010-05-17T18:17:46Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Video */

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9''' is the ninth call between Chris and Alec, which took place 25th February 2010.

==Summary==
The call begins with [[Alec]] asking [[Chris]] how his birthday was and then asking about his reasoning behind the recent disturbing developments in [[Sonichu 10]]. Alec points out some notable [[hypocrisy]] in regards to Chris's use of [[Chris and anger|violence]] in issue 10, given that Chris has criticized the [[Asperchu]] and Sonichu Revolution comics for using a lot of violence. Alec goes on to call out Chris for trying to weasel out of the conditions he had agreed to in earlier phone calls and telling him off for not listening to him...again.

Chris defends his actions with the always amazing excuse that "he was still filled with anger," which, you know, totally makes everything O.K. Alec also points out that "apologizing" is not quite equal to "violently murdering the people you wronged in your shitty comic." The two argue about the issue of [[Simonla]], and the fact that Chris didn't exactly kill her in the manner promised AND introduced the character "Sandy", Simonla's daughter, defeating the entire purpose of eliminating Simonla. They discuss [[copyright]] and Chris's misunderstanding of the concept, in addition to Chris's massive [[ego]].

Chris-chan's Love Day is brought up. Chris denies ripping off ''Independence Day'' and claims that trying to make his own birthday a national holiday isn't completely unreasonable in any way, shape or form. Chris states that the Mexican Flag Day (which is coincidentally the same day as his birthday) "could be better," which implies that it "could be better" by celebrating his birthday on a national level AND he says that there should be a second day in addition to Valentine's Day to celebrate love and his birthday "just feels right." When Alec mentions that he's definitely creating a dumb ass cover-up for wanting his own birthday to be a holiday, Chris dances around the question like a drunken retard ([[Alcohol|how fitting]]).

Chris also admits he likes it when people kiss his ass, which has been [[Ego|kind of obvious]] for a long time. He then proves he knows nothing of Christianity ([[Religion|also obvious]]). Chris also admits he believes Simonla has always been his and tries to explain why it's not O.K. to [[parody]] a parody (it's as retarded as it sounds). In addition, Alec catches Chris in another [[lie]] about how many pages he had done. Chris blames the [[trolls]].

The call appears to end with Chris hanging up mid-sentence.

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|_Ae7T05cIJQ}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
| next = Current
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Alec. I was not...

'''Alec:''' Hey, Happy birthday!

'''Chris:''' [''Annoyed''] I wasn't- okay, well I was not expecting you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, thank you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah, how was, how was your birthday today?

'''Chris:''' My birthday was yesterday, and it was, it was, it was good.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh, it was, it was yesterday?

'''Chris:''' I spent it with my family. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I saw the pages you got uploaded today. Um, yeah... Uh... What's up with that trial, Chris? That was kinda like, that was kind of, uh, out of left field. That was... I didn't expect that at all.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you drew, you drew, you, uh, drew me, you drew, you drew me in a set-, in a setup of, uh, the, of uh, being beared false witness from uh, from your, from your parody of my Sonichu. In, uh, comparison of uh, that, of the [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]] being the real one and not me, which I was the real deal. And then you set me on fire. And then recently, you per-, you portrayed me getting my head getting chopped off with a sawblade! With gory detail!

'''Alec:''' Chris, you didn't read that, that last page. Did you read the, um, the page? 'Cause, what happened there was, um, that was a picture of the real you in the comic, and I said, you know, like your head got chopped off but then you came right back and said "No, it's okay, we're just faking". I didn't, your head didn't actually get chopped off.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Okay, it could maybe have more obvious.

'''Alec:''' Well, if you read the text it would have been obvious. You know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It, there was a lot, there was text there, I mean, I spelled it out. I specifically had you say "Don't worry, this is fake!", you know, "My head's not really chopped off. I'm fine." You know, um, you accuse me of using, er, well, not accused, of using violence, I do use violence, that's true. But I was just kind of, uh... It seems kind of weird that your comic has suddenly taken a ''very'' gory turn. I mean, like...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] It's just, it's just, it's just [[Sonichu Special 4|one time]].

'''Alec:'''But you said violence is wrong, though. One time's...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting again''] But I... Yeah, well, you, you, you did violence unto me, I was just returning the favor.

'''Alec:''' Oh, revenge is okay, though? Chris, you said violence is wrong. You didn't say it's okay in the case of revenge. [''long pause''] And, I'm kinda, I'm kinda curious, why is this trial taking place? Like, why are Alec and Mao and me, er, Alec and Mao and uh, Evan and Sean, uh, why are we on trial?

'''Chris:''' [''takes a smug tone''] Okay, let me see. The, uh, copy-, copycat, the whole bunch of copy-, copycat of practically everything from my, nearly everything from my books. Set me on fire, chopping my head off, false witness, and uh, oh yeah, how about wanting to kill Simonla Rosechu?

'''Alec:''' Um... Do you remember all the times we talked about Simonla? Where I explained to you that I wanted you to kill her because she's not your character, and Evan wanted her gone from your comic?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you told me, you swore up and down to me that, that you understood the point I was trying to get across to you and that you understood what I...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting yet again''] Yeah I did, yeah I did understand that. Yeah I-

'''Alec:''' [''Shutting Chris down''] Well, no! You're lying to me, Chris. You obviously didn't.

'''Chris:''' No, I did, I did...

'''Alec:''' [''Refusing to put up with Chris's bullshit excuses''] God Chris, I can't believe, I cannot believe you did this Chris. You, you know I thought that you were just, you know, kinda going "Yeah, uh-huh" just mouthing along and pretending to understand and saying what I wanted to hear to get me off the phone. And you know, I said that to you. I asked you, "Are you doing that?" And you said "No," you said no. You, you promised you understood, you would comply, you believed what I was saying. But then this trial comes along and what you're telling me right now is apparently my words went in one ear and out the other with you. And you think that, that me and Evan did something wrong to you. You think that you have done nothing wrong? Do you seriously believe that we are, you know, antagonists and that you are just a saint here?

'''Chris:''' Hmmm. Let me think about that a moment. To ask my question best.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, remember: Don't tell me the answer that you think I want to hear. Tell me what you really believe. That's the answer that I actually want to hear, is what you really believe.

[''Tense pause. Chris is watching South Park in the background.'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm looking at... Uh, the page here where you had like 10 people simultaneously electrocute me. Sonichu says [''wimpy voice''] "Oh I'm not gay!"

[''Chris attempts to respond, Alec drowns him out.'']

'''Alec:''' Chris, how many times, how many times did I tell... Okay, another thing, apparently, you didn't listen to. How many times did I tell you that I never portrayed Sonichu as gay? I explained clearly to you. Because you thought that he and Asperchu are gay, and I explained to you, "No, they're just, they were just hugging because they're friends, they're close friends." And I thought that you understood that, but... Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but like it'd be, but the portrayal could be misconstr-, construed, especially with the, uh, all the pink, all the pink-hearted drawings that you did...

 '''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you did misconstrue it.

'''Chris:''' And the one, and the one where they were, the one where they were lying next to each other, in a bed situation...

'''Alec:''' Okay, okay, you did misconstrue it. That's true. And then you brought that up to me, and then I explained to you what it really meant. And now you apparently ignored that and just, you say, Sonichu says, "eeewww, you're portraying me as gay." I'm not portraying Sonichu as gay. I've never done that. The only gay characters in my comic are Wild and Simonchu... Well, Simonchu's bisexual. And, uh, I think that's it right now, actually. Well, Mitch, Mitch is gay in my comic. Although I haven't shown him having a lover yet. You know, none of my fans misunderstood that.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, not that it really matters, because the point is that you misunderstood it, you brought it up to me, and I explained it to you. I don't care that you misunderstood something, what I care about is that you apparently didn't even listen when I explained it to you. Because anybody can misunderstand something, but you brought it up to me, I explained it to you, and you made it sound like you did understand. But apparently you didn't.

'''Chris:''' Actually, I did understand, but I still had the anger and rage, I still had the anger against you. And I wanted to bear, I wanted to...

'''Alec:''' No! No. Why? Why would you have anger against me? If I explained...

'''Chris:''' One, uh, one big reason is continuing the adverts, continuing the blasphemous advertisements on my CWCipedia against me. Those are like...

'''Alec:''' [''shouting over Chris''] Oh, really? Hey, hey, hey, do you remember when I explained to you...

'''Chris:''' Especially, especially the ones declaring my birthday as Asperchu Day...

'''Alec:''' HEY! Chris. Chris! Do you remember when I explained to you last time that my ads are staying up there because you completely insulted me, and didn't respect what I wanted you to do in the apology video? But what you're saying me now is, you think that the ads are an attack on you. You're just completely forgetting what I told you before. Or maybe you're not forgetting it, maybe you're just choosing to disregard it. They were a direct consequence of your actions. You had the power to get rid of the ads and you did nothing. So how can you be mad at me for having the ads up? [''pause''] When I gave you several ways out, and you didn't take them?

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I, at least I, when, at least I went by your request and put, and hand-wrote all the apologies and everything, and killed Simonla.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh no. [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|You said that me and Mao and Sean and Evan killed Simonla]]. That's what your comic says. Apparently you didn't fulfill that part of the requirement either. Because I wanted you to kill her, but you accused me of killing her. And then you killed us in your comic. What kind of apology is that? When... Okay, an apology is when you do something wrong, you acknowledge it, and you make reparations to whoever was wronged. An apology is not where, um, you attack the person that you owe an apology to.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It's like you said... It's like you handed me a bowl of ice cream, said, "Hey, here's some ice cream for you," but then just as I reached out for it, you threw it on the ground. That's kind of what it feels like. Chris, do you remember last time, I told you that you were the one who drew the Voltorb? You were the one who killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, requesting the death of one of my characters comes with a price.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Chris:''' And, and I had... I said request of the, request of the killing of one of my characters...

'''Alec:''' NOT YOUR CHARACTER. Not, no, Simonla was not your character. She was Evan's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, with all the writing, with all the writing...

'''Alec:''' "Yeah, but anyway"?

'''Chris:''' With all the, uh...

'''Alec:''' You said, "Yeah, but anyway." Are you acknowledging that Simonla was not yours?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] I acknowledge that Simonla was not mine, but I did not...

'''Alec:''' You just, but, two minutes ago you said...

'''Chris:''' I did not care very much for all the anger and torments and that such abuse that I continued to get from Evan. Anger...

'''Alec:''' What, what abuse did you get from him?

'''Chris:''' Verbal, verbal abuse and...

'''Alec:''' Like how?

'''Chris:''' In the Mailbag.

'''Alec:''' He sent you e-mails requesting you to stop using the character that was his.

'''Chris:''' And then threatening me with, sic his lawyers on me...

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Because you were committing illegal acts against him.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, the point is, Simonla is dead now.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, no, the point is that, um, you apparently don't listen when I talk to you. That's my point. Right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Actually...

'''Alec:''' Because you believe that you are in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. And you... Is that your TV going in the background? Do you ever turn your TV off when you talk to people on the phone? That might be kinda...

'''Chris:''' I do turn my... Well, actually, I do turn the TV off sometimes. [''takes a self-righteous tone''] Alright, I'll turn it off now.

'''Alec:''' Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' Alright. Thank you for that. Um, who is is [[Sandy]], by the way? Sandy, like Simonla's daughter?

'''Chris:''' Wild and Simonla's daughter. Yes.

'''Alec:''' How can Simonla have a daughter when she's not supposed to exist in your comic? You know, Evan might get pissed about Sandy existing.

'''Chris:''' Well, the, well, still, Sandy did not originate from Simonchu.

'''Alec:''' She kinda looks like, exactly like Simonla, but with, like, Lisa Simpson hair. She did originate from, she's like a clone of Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Well, she is not a clone of Simonla, she is a Ground-type rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Isn't that what Simonla was? Do you even realize the point of getting rid of Simonla in the first place? It was because... Okay. Evan was mad about Simonla because Simonla was just a rip-off of Simonchu. And it looks like Sandy is a rip-off of Simonla, which by corollary makes her a rip-off of Simonchu as well.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I disagree with that.

'''Alec:''' You can disagree all you want. Doesn't make it true. You can tell me the sky is orange as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact that the sky is blue. I mean, judges will agree with that one.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, actually, still, Sandy does have an origin that's definitely not, definitely not one that Simonla was from. Explained lately, it's based off of somebody's, some other character.

'''Alec:''' She originates from Simonla.

'''Chris:''' She actually, she actually was born as a rosey...

'''Alec:''' From Simonla.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, long pause'']

'''Alec:''' You know, this probably doesn't matter a whole lot, I bet you're never going to use Sandy again. I mean...

'''Chris:''' Oh yes I will! Because, because we need a constructor, we need, we need the main constructor in the city of CWCville, and Simonla was that, so now Sandy has to be the one who fills in Simonla's shoes.

'''Alec:''' Can't you just have, like, a construction crew? Like, you know, construction workers with vehicles? How can one person really do all the construction?

'''Chris:''' Simonla, Simonla was head builder, she did have a crew. And when you take out the leader the whole crew falls.

'''Alec:''' Okay, don't you think that crew... You know, I'm sure she had, like, a second-in-command, alright. Don't you think that her crew might feel kind of insulted that, um, you have, like, a person who is a week old just take control? Inheriting the crew. So you, you've got a construction crew that runs, like...

'''Chris:''' No, she was, she's not, well, she's not, Sandy's not going to take the reins prematurely like that...

'''Alec:''' You just said that...

'''Chris:''' She's going through heavy training.

'''Alec:''' Why? So she's child labor?

'''Chris:''' No, not child labor.

'''Alec:''' Well, she's like a week old, and you already had her assassinate people. I mean, that's...

'''Chris:''' The point of that was that they were revenged against Evan for having, for even thinking of killing off Simonla.

'''Alec:''' But you killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Because I was forced, because I felt forced to by, between, by y'all.

'''Alec:''' That's correct, we did force you to, because your refused to acknowledge that... Chris, what is copyright infringement? Give me your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Copyright infringement...

'''Alec:''' Yes. I'd like to hear your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''another pause''] The misuse...of a character that originally belonged to somebody else.

'''Alec:''' Oh! Really.

'''Chris:''' Without their consent.

'''Alec:''' Okay, now, how does that connect to Simonla? You misused, you misused Simonla because she rightfully belonged to someone else.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, even still, even Sonichu was originally mine, and I have a copy-, I have the copyright registration forms to prove that.

'''Alec:''' So? What does that have to do with Simonla? You stole... Don't change the subject, Chris. You stole Simonchu and screwed around with him. Two wrongs make a right, is that, is that the case?

'''Chris:''' That is not the point I am trying to make.

'''Alec:''' Well, then, why do you...

'''Chris:''' That is fairly, that is fairly accurate though.

'''Alec:''' When we're talking about Simonla, why do you bring up Sonichu's copyright? What does that have to do with it?

'''Chris:''' Because you drew him, because you drew him in your pages without my consent, and then, and then made him look like, look like a homosexual. Or appear as such.

'''Alec:''' Why does what I... Why does anything that I do have anything at all to do with how you treat Evan and his property? Why do you want to punish one person for, for a wrong that you perceive another unrelated person doing?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I am not Evan. Evan is not me. Chris, do you... Okay, this... Goddammit, Chris, this is just like, remember when you were complaining about how, you know, the trolls and ED attack you, and you used that as an excuse for why you treat me like shit? Why do you think it's okay to treat some random person like shit just because you've been treated badly, by other people that aren't related?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, now, to correct you, it is not, I did not do it on a random person, quote unquote, I actually had reasons to do it against you and your crew.

'''Alec:''' I asked you why you stole something from Evan, which happened a long time ago, as I understand it, actually, well before I created Asperchu, and your response is that, you know, it's because of something I draw.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm just saying, that was...

'''Alec:''' If I remember right...

'''Chris:''' ...why I did, why I didn't care for what you did very much, and that was what you did there.

'''Alec:''' Chris, when someone asks you a question, it's polite to respond with an answer that is relevant to the question. When I asked you why you think it's okay to steal Simonchu from Evan, please don't respond by going off on some unrelated tangent about how you don't like me.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Now, if I remember right, on that Simonchu article, before you doctored it to make it look different, it said that it was like in August of 2008 that you, quote unquote, created Simonla. That's a long time, that's over a year before I created Asperchu. I created Asperchu not even three months ago.

'''Chris:''' Mm-kay. Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Okay what?

'''Chris:''' Well, let me think about that a moment so I can properly answer the question about the, uh... The quote unquote character theft.

'''Alec:''' You know what, I don't really want to go over whether you think stealing Simonchu is right or wrong or not, because we've done that before, and you, you know, I was fooled, I thought that I had gotten some kind of response out of you, which turned out to be a complete lie. Because you, to this day, still believe that Simonla is yours and everyone else is evil. I just want to know why, why you think that you're perfect, and that everyone else who has a disagreement with you is automatically wrong.

'''Chris:''' Well, to correct you, I never thought that I was perfect! I am imperfect, for a few reasons...

'''Alec:''' You still think that you're better than everyone else.

'''Chris:''' And one of which is definitely the high-functioning autism.

'''Alec:''' Well, what, what the hell does autism have to do with you being a bad person?

'''Chris:''' No, I was just saying, that's one reason why I'm not perfect.

'''Alec:''' So if not for autism, you think you would be perfect? Do you really think autism is your only flaw? I don't think...

'''Chris:''' No, I have a lot of other flaws, I know that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I don't think autism... Of all of your flaws, I don't think autism...

'''Chris:''' But I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's, I'm just saying that is one of my flaws that makes me not perfect. I am not perfect, I never said that. I have never said that I was perfect.

'''Alec:''' You imply it by suggesting that Evan and I are evil people who, who made you kill Simonla, because she was yours! Gah, okay, now I'm really pissed off, Chris. I'm mad at you. Because, why... How many years have you been pissing and moaning at people about your copyrights, your precious Sonichu copyrights? But you don't give a shit about Evan's copyright, or my copyright, or anyone else. You just take whatever you want, and you act like you're in the right by doing so. Why do you do that?

'''Chris:''' Hm. [''mumbles''] Why do I do that... [''long pause''] Hm. Mm. Hm.

'''Alec:''' You have no response, do you?

'''Chris:''' I'm thinking! Can I think? Sometimes my mind's a little slow.

'''Alec:''' You've had, like, how many years of worrying about copyright?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I would think you would be a master of copyright law by now, considering how important it is to you. I would think you would know copyright laws backward and forward.

'''Chris:''' I am not as knowledgeable as a copyright lawyer.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... Let's change the subject a little bit. What's up with that, your [[Christian Love Day]] video?

'''Chris:''' Because, because it was my birthday, I was just making a stand against the trolls. And the internet bullies.

'''Alec:''' What stand?

'''Chris:''' That I'm not gonna be let-, that I'm not going to be thrust down by the likes of which... And I'm going to continue on.

'''Alec:''' You... You kinda just... I recognized that speech you used, you just took that from ''Independence Day''.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You took that speech from...

'''Chris:''' I did not take...

'''Alec:''' Chris, that speech, that "We will not go down without a fight" speech, that was... That was lifted directly from, uh, ''Independence Day''. Remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine.

'''Alec:''' So you can't even write your own speech?

'''Chris:''' I can write my own speech! But he, I let my friend do it for me.

'''Alec:''' Well, why do you think that your birthday should be a holiday in the first place?

'''Chris:''' Well, it, well, once, when it is a, it is a holiday in Mexico. They should be equally important holidays in America.

'''Alec:''' It's, okay, it's Mexican Flag Day. In Mexico. Mexico has, I dunno, what, like 40 million citizens, something like that? So, are you really saying that Mexican Flag Day is no more important than your birthday? Should 40 million Americans, or more, be celebrating your birthday?

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I am not saying that.

'''Alec:''' You said that your birthday should be of equal importance to Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' I'm just saying...

'''Alec:''' Well, I was wrong, I just, I just looked it up, Mexico is actually like 110 million people. I was way off. Okay, so, your birthday is more important than 110 million Mexicans.

'''Chris:''' I never said that. And I never said that anybody should celebrate my birthday on that day.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, your first response when I asked you, like 90 seconds ago, I asked you, "Why should your birthday be a holiday?" And you said, "Well, it's a holiday in Mexico, therefore it should be of equal importance in America." That is exactly what you said.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it's what you're thinking. You think that, you think that Mexican Flag day is just, not even good enough, right?

'''Chris:''' Well, it can be better.

'''Alec:''' It can be better?! It's a day for 110 million Mexicans to celebrate the freedom of their country!

'''Chris:''' And that, and that celebration could be, celeb-, could be accepted in America.

'''Alec:''' Well, why? Why would Americans celebrate Mexico's history? Americans have the fourth of July, that's when we celebrate our history. We have Flag Day too, like June 16 I think?

'''Chris:''' That's about, uh, I think that's about right.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. So we already have a Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' But still, I mean, we have these, we have the, the Messicans in America.

'''Alec:''' And I'm sure they can celebrate Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So, we should accept that and, and maybe celebrate as well in like a congratulatory way for them.

'''Alec:''' Well, then why wasn't your video, um, about Mexican Flag Day, instead of this made-up Christian Love Day?

'''Chris:''' My idea behind Christian Love Day is, like, the possibility of a second Valentine's Day.

'''Alec:''' It's like 10 days after the real Valentine's Day. Why would we need another Valentine's so soon?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] It's like we need more, it's like we need more reminders to love and care about each other.

'''Alec:''' Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, sponsored by corporations to sell shitty gift cards and disgusting fake sugar candies. It's not about love. It's just a stupid corporate holiday. If you want, if you want to really celebrate love, you can do it at any time. You don't need a holiday.

'''Chris:''' It's to help us, help remind us to do so constant-, on a more constant basis.

'''Alec:''' Okay, so why your birthday? Why your birthday, of all the days in the year, why would you choose your birthday for this particular holiday? Unless it was about celebrating yourself.

'''Chris:''' Because it feels right.

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "it feels right"?

'''Chris:''' It feels like a good dr-, a good day to celebrate something.

'''Alec:'''Yeah. Like Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, Chris, just admit that you just want... You really think that you're so important, that you're so saintly and perfect, that you think your birthday should be a holiday. Just admit that to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, I am not saintly or perfect.

'''Alec:''' But you think that you're such an important person that your birthday should be a holiday. Admit it. It's about your ego.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I partially agree with you on that, but it's actually a lot more than just quote unquote ego.

'''Alec:''' What, what more could it be?

'''Chris:''' I am not sure right now because I cannot come up with the right, with the right ans-, with appropriate answer for that.

'''Alec:''' Well then, well then you shouldn't be trying to create a holiday... Chris, you shouldn't really be trying to do anything until after you've come up with a logical reason to do it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay well...

'''Alec:''' Countless times, countless times I've asked you why you do things, and you fall back on, "I'm not sure, it felt right." Or you use your emotions as an excuse, like when you brutally murdered me and Evan and Mao and Sean in your, in your sham mock trial. You know, [''mocking voice''] "because you were still angry about the ads!" Let's go back to that...

'''Chris:''' And another thing...

'''Alec:''' What, what other thing?

'''Chris:''' What, how you portray me and my, and my electric hedgehogs, even in a parodic way, as a, as a, as definitely mentally retarded for one characteristic.

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Chris, how many times have you...

'''Chris:''' And then brutally killing, killing us off like you did...

'''Alec:''' You brutally killed me.

'''Chris:''' And then, and selling, and sexually expliciting us like that.

'''Alec:''' Sexually ex-

'''Chris:''' Where you said all that first.

'''Alec:''' Oh, so that makes it okay for you to do anything? Chris, how many times... Okay, okay, you accuse me of making a parody, and I can't even begin to count the number of times I told you Asperchu's not a parody, but you accuse me of making a parody like it's such an evil thing, um, how many times have you fallen back on describing Sonichu as a parody of Sonic and Pikachu, when people ask you? And when you do it, it's a good thing, you use it as a defense against attacks by Nintendo and Sega and other companies. Why is it, when you think someone else is parodying you, um, shit hits the fan? Why is that, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, you have por-, you definitely have portrayed a sense of retardedness and stupidity and even worse in that sense. And then used, that came from me and my pages, and the videos, and put them in your book. Like, you definitely drew a dildo and a sports bra as among one of the things, as among two things that Asperchu was digging out of his chest in the first book.

'''Alec:''' Have you ever seen ''Team America''? You remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Yep. Yeah, I've seen that movie.

'''Alec:''' Did you like it?

'''Chris:''' It was okay.

'''Alec:''' You remember how they made Matt Damon retarded in that movie?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Well, they did.

'''Chris:''' Some of, some of those jokes do not hit me right away because they're not that, they're not that obvious to me. Or I don't know what's about the context of it. Like for example, the recent new ''Family Guy'' where Chris dates the Down's Syndrome girl, and then apparently the joke where she says "I'm the daughter of a former Alaskan...something."

'''Alec:''' Governor. It was Sarah Palin, Chris. It was about her.

'''Chris:''' Former Alaskan Senator, that was it.

'''Alec: ''' No, it was the governor.

'''Chris:''' But yeah, it was supposed to be, it was, I learned in an article in today's ''Washington Post'' that, uh, that apparently it was meant as an attack on Sarah Parin, and I did not know that when I first heard that.

'''Alec:''' Sarah P-A-L-I-N, actually.

'''Chris:''' But I was, at least I was, that was a general statement.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um, we're getting off on a wild tangent here. My question is, why is parody such a bad thing to you? When other people do it.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I do not understand half the question. Why is parody blind to me...?

'''Alec:''' Why do you think parody is bad when other people do it?

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

'''Chris:''' That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

'''Alec:''' It makes you feel better?! Chris, you're an adult, you really want people to kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, not all the time.

'''Alec:''' Why can't you learn to deal with...

'''Chris:''' I don't want, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like constant abuse.

'''Alec:''' What constant abuse?

'''Chris:''' And torment and slanders and cursings.

'''Alec:''' Oh, what torment and slander and cursing? Hey, Chris, okay, okay, you don't like slander? What about all the lies you've told about me? What about, okay, remember a while ago you made a video trying to hypnotize people into hating Asperchu? Like you spoke in backwards Spanish or something? Remember when you cursed me with the death threats?

'''Chris:''' And I apologized for that.

'''Alec:''' No, no, no, no, not, no, you're not getting away with that bullshit excuse this time, Chris. Okay? You can't just do things, do horrible things, and then offer a fake apology afterwards. That's not okay. That's not what apology is. You know, you claim to be a Christian, this is really, do you really think this is what God wants his children to do?

'''Chris:''' Hm. You're right, it is not something that, uh, God would like.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, you're not a Christian.

'''Chris:''' [''shifts to a grim, offended tone''] I am a Christian. I am a baptized practicing Methodist...

'''Alec:''' No, no you're not. You don't practice... Baptism doesn't mean shit. You don't even try to practice what Christianity teaches.

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, I don't have a total understanding of all the rules, and, uh...

'''Alec:''' Well, you can't be a very good Christian if you don't understand the rules.

'''Chris:''' Of course, there's a whole lots of, to memorize, and, and it's...

'''Alec:''' [''mockingly''] Yeah, religion is hard, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' ...and, what is, God does want, one of the things God wants us to do is not to worry about every single detail.

'''Alec:''' But you worry about every single... Oh, no, no, okay, no, that's not how it works. God wants you to follow the rules that he lays down. God wants you to try to be a good person. You don't even try to be a good person. You are completely selfish, and you do whatever you want, and you demand that other people go out of your way for you, to do things as you want them to. And then when someone starts pestering you, you offer a superficial apology and hope that smooths it all over. And then you draw a comic, you know, negating even that simple apology, where you threaten people and murder them in your comic. Thereby proving that you were just lying to the person who, you know, thought that you actually understood the point he was trying to get across. God condemns lying, you know.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Admit that you lied to me when you said, when you agreed with me that you didn't have a right to use Simonla. Admit that you have always believed that Simonla is yours.

 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I'll admit...that.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Okay, good, so all of our previous calls were just lies, then.

'''Chris:''' Not, no, not, no, they actually happened.

'''Alec:''' Yes, they happened, Chris, but your responses were lies. I know the phone calls happened in reality.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Anyway, uh, let me get back, anyway, uh, I don't mean to be all, but I want to get back to an early, to the earlier topic about, uh, what's wrong with you making a parody of a parody. Okay, well, okay, well, take a cue from what they did in one episode of ''Robot Chicken''.

'''Alec:''' I don't watch ''Robot Chicken'', so this reference means nothing to me.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, anyway, anyway, anyway, one...

'''Alec:''' Try explaining it to me without the use of TV references.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Consider a remake of a remake of an original movie! That was original as a blockbuster.

'''Alec:''' Okay... What about it? What about a remake of a remake?

'''Chris:''' It's not very good.

'''Alec:''' Sometimes they are. Sometimes remakes are better. Did you see the new ''Dawn of the Dead''? That was way better than the George Romero shit.

'''Chris:''' I have not, I have not seen either, I have not seen either ''Dawn of the Dead''.

'''Alec:''' You probably shouldn't, 'cause there's gore in it, and I know how much you hate that.

'''Chris:''' I don't mind, I don't mind gore, up to a certain point.

'''Alec:''' Well, obviously, given how gory your murder of me was. But, okay, I'm still having a little trouble understanding why, um, parody is okay when you do it, but not okay when someone else does it.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Hm.

'''Alec:''' Because you proudly proclaim Sonichu to be a parody, but at the same time you accuse other people of doing parodies like they're doing a bad thing.

'''Chris:''' [''more stalling''] Hm. Okay, well, think about this. How about if somebody did a parody to Asperchu?

'''Alec:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' And made him look even more stupid and more retarded, and actually brutally killed him in all the blood and gory detail! Or had him sexually raped in a prison cell of all dudes! How would you feel if you saw that?

'''Alec:''' Uh, I don't think I'd give a shit, honestly. I mean, if it was well-done, I might kinda laugh at it. If it was meant to be a funny parody. See, I don't take myself completely, I don't take myself completely seriously like you do. I can laugh at my own foibles and I can laugh at the foibles of my comic. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That is...a theory, yes. Though I am not one hundred per-, I'll, that is, a, a previous...

'''Alec:''' So you don't really agree with it, though? You don't think imitation is ever a good thing?

'''Chris:''' Not one hundred percent.

'''Alec:''' Because Sonichu's an imitation of Sonic. Then you must agree that Sonichu is a good thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, because it was, because it was originally meant in a positive light. But then I get all the inputs from the trolls and all that on the internets, and then that just plain ticks me off.

'''Alec:''' Okay, if the guy who created Sonic, I don't know what his name is, but if he came along and discovered your Sonichu comic, he would probably-

'''Chris:''' [''rudely burps'']

'''Alec:''' -See that at least half of it is just you attacking trolls... I mean, the comic's not even really about Sonichu. It's about you, and it's about your war against trolls.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's to be undone because, because I, because I have just, after I finish with book number 10 I will be making less appearances in the book, in the books, and then, and now it will be more about Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Are you gonna do that reboot that we talked about?

'''Chris:''' There will be a form of a reboot, yes.

'''Alec:''' Why did you do these pages, then, if you're gonna do a reboot?

'''Chris:''' I mean, I mean, if I'm gonna be making less appearances in the comics, I figure I may as well let myself go out with a bang.

'''Alec:''' Um, no, no, Chris, Chris, I explained to you, a reboot is a complete restart. What happens in the reboot will have nothing to do with the comics that you've made thus far. And you know, you said you had like 30 pages, you only uploaded like...16.

'''Chris:''' That was the amount I had to complete number, book number 10. And the book is completed.

'''Alec:''' You said you had like 30 pages.

'''Chris:''' Well, right now I just wanted to get book number 10 out of the way.

'''Alec:''' But you said you were going to have like 30 pages up on your birthday.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So you went back on your word again.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Well, I overestimated myself!

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "overestimated"? You said you had like 30 drawn and ready to be Photoshopped.

'''Chris:''' Well, just accept the fact that I had, I finished book number 10, and I had them all ready for Photoshop, and I uploaded them.

'''Alec:''' You know, if you have a deadline with a publisher and they're expecting 30 pages by a certain date, and you come to them and say, "Oh, yeah, here's 16 pages," they're not gonna be happy with you.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' And you didn't even upload them on your birthday, you uploaded them today. The day after. People who miss deadlines don't get paid.

'''Chris:''' Well, I had computer troubles.

'''Alec:''' Of course you had...

'''Chris:''' And I had to go out, and I had to go with my family to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday.

'''Alec:''' Sonichu is your job, Chris!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] That's another thing, you put them in the perspective of like, he's my job, it just makes me feel...

'''Alec:''' Well, you intend to make your huge money-making franchise, right? So yes, he is your job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah! And you don't take your job seriously!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, but you see, with that belief, with that definition, in the mentality of an artist, when the thing was originally supposed to be a work of art and creativity, then it just cheapens it.

'''Alec:''' Um, well, then, I could say it cheapened it when you started saying you intended to publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So what you're telling me now is, you have no intention of ever making money off Sonichu. Because if it is just a work of art for its own sake, that's fine. But you keep promising, you know, deadlines that you miss, and you keep saying you're gonna publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Do you not want to make money off Sonichu anymore?

'''Chris:''' No, I would like to make money off of Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Well, okay. You're cheapening it, then, it's not a work of art anymore.

'''Chris:''' Because I had too many influx from bad people like the trolls!

'''Alec:''' What the hell do trolls have to do with it, Chris?

'''Chris:''' And also from, and also from...

 '''Alec:'''I have you as a troll, and my comic kept going just fine.

 '''Chris:''' And also from...

'''Alec:''' And how do trolls control what goes in the comic? Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] It's when they really tick me off, and then it just, it just, it's like putting, [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|it's like putting poison into the water supply]].

'''Alec:''' Why do you keep responding to trolls, then?

'''Chris:''' [''mega-sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And another thing, you have a really broad definition of "trolls," it seems. Because you think that people that ask you questions you don't like in your Mailbag are trolls. You think homosexual people are trolls just for existing, because you want to cure gays.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I think the ironic thing there is, gays would probably consider you a troll. Because you want to destroy their identity when they haven't done anything to you.

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh'']

'''Alec:''' You think I'm a troll, and I've been trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry, sometimes things are, I have been trying to collaborate, I get misunderstood often, and it just really makes me feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm being misunder-

[''Call cuts off'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Current]]|}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?gzmndqjwz1x The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ae7T05cIJQ YouTube Version: Part 1]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Examples of Chris's Ego

2010-05-17T18:02:03Z

Der Zuschauer: /* The Declaration */

Here's an exhaustive list of '''Examples of Chris's Ego''' in the real world and in the Sonichu Comic. The list is so long that it warrants its own page!

==In the Real World==

===At School===
*[[Manchester High School]] - When Chris graduated from high school, he actually cried because he believed that he deserved a number of artistic awards for his [[Chris and art|artwork]]. By his own admission, he also made a scene and ran out after getting his diploma, eventually having to be consoled by both his [[mother]] and gal-pal [[Tiffany Gowen]].
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] - After being expelled for his [[Chris and anger|appalling behavior]] by the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Student's Dean]], Chris felt the need to write to the Then-Standing President of the United-States, [[George W. Bush]]. The idea that a standing President would be willing to use his clout to reverse a local third-rate college's administrative decision is ludicrous at best.

===Public Places===
*[[Wal-Mart]] - When asked to cease his solicitation, Chris refused to budge, rambled on in some stupid speech, and actually ''ran''. He would do this again in a [[Target]] soon after, only to be arrested in the process.
*[[The GAMe PLACe]] - Chris acted in this store as if he owned the place. He was rude with the patrons, abused the access to a flat-screen TV and was an all-around pain for the manager, [[Michael Snyder]]. After many antics, he was banned from the place. Chris filmed a half-assed [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apology]] nine months later, not because he was sorry for his actions, but because the store was the only place that had [[Eye of Judgement]] cards. Chris has also attempted to incite harassment of employees of the store (using the very fans he had chastised mere weeks earlier), simply because Michael had refused to remove his ban.
*[[McIntire Park]] - During a newscast, Chris happened to pass by a cameraman who was videotaping someone being interviewed. As he did, he flashed his Sonichu [[medallion]] as if to say "Hey, look at me! I'm more important!" Sometime later, he appeared in a town hall meeting over the park itself. He flashed his shitty Sonichu and Rosechu drawing in a bizarre attempt to save it, then tried to interrupt the proceedings with a speech about how he didn't want to pay for a YMCA membership when the recognized speaker made the mistake of referring to him. He was no doubt trying to gain sympathy by noting that it would make an ostensible retard sad to build the YMCA. Chris was promptly and thankfully shot down.

===People===
*[[Megan Schroeder]] - For the longest time, Chris actually believed that he and Megan were going out as boyfriend and girlfriend. He even attacked someone for getting near Megan. When the infamous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] picture was discovered, Chris actually thought that the reason she was upset was because she wasn't used to sexual things. He then tried to make Megan believe that the bullying from those amongst [[ED]] was MUCH worse than the fact that he did the picture because he was afraid of trying to rape her. He also insisted that he was under much more emotional pain than she was. Chris would later blame ED for the fact that he lost her friendship, not caring it was his fault in the first place.
*[[10 September 2009]] - Chris, in his ever growing paranoia, automatically assumes that a possible interview from Veronica Belmont of ''Playstation Magazine Europe'' is a troll due to the fact that the person didn't leave a return number, demanding that if she truly wanted to interview him, she should come ''personally'' to his house... then starts trying to suck up to her just in case it wasn't a troll.
*[[Rejected Mailbag]] - Chris hates being proven wrong, especially about Asperger's and Autism being part of the same spectrum. He also takes issue with letters that point out the flaws in his comic pages, which is interesting considering he has no problem telling fans about the flaws he finds in their fan art, calling it "constructive criticism". He's gone from simply ignoring people correcting his mistake to placing these "offending" letters in his rejected mailbag. Even more, when any of the letters mention the similarities between Autism and Aspergers, he tosses them into his "Autism Mailbag" and whenever someone tries to mention anything else connected to his past, he automatically goes into a "mental block" and refuses to go any further. On 5 December 2009, Chris wrote a long essay that made little sense, which mainly consisted of him bawwing that he was a unique and special snowflake, and that Aspies are faking fakers that take away the specialness of his autism. Despite autism and Asperger's existing in the populace long before he was born, and Chris being a [[virgin with rage]], Chris also states that he [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|"...Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People".]]
*[[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|The Sonichu promotional video]] - In the Part 2 of his video, Chris shows to the camera an elegant drawing of the two main heroes of the comic book made by a fan called Allie. Not only does he proceed to comment "Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her," he presents an actual, sub-par copy of the drawing made by himself as a better version.
*[[Chris and Copyright|Copyright claim against Vivian Gee]] - Chris issued [[Death threats]] against [[Vivian Gee]] due to the [[Audiobooks]] she made out of his comic. He released his own [[Official Videobooks]], which he believed to be better than Vivian's. These consisted of holding up the TRUE and ORIGINAL pages up to a camera and waving the page around as he stumbled through the dialogue, made childish sound effects, and failed to explain what was actually going on. He excused himself a month later and asked for a quote of 25% out of the donations she received for her hard work. It is worth mentioning that the excuse AND the demand for a share of the profits were in the same e-mail, separated by a single dot.
*[[Jimmy Hill]], [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]]- While Chris is more than willing to declare Sonichu as a parody so he can make his multimedia franchise, he blows his stack whenever someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu and himself. He threatened "legal action" during the Jimmy Hill saga and went all out to prove himself the TRUE and HONEST Chris when Liquid showed up. During the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], when Liquid threatened to go to the police over the Gun Comic, Chris was certain that the police would be more concerned over the fact that someone was impersonating him than the fact that he threatened to murder him. When Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu began to be more popular than Sonichu, Chris decided to pull a number of things, including a moment of "pot calling the kettle black" in which he decries Asperchu as crappy because it was computer drawn.
*[[Father Call]] - When talking to [[Kacey]]'s father, his ego clashed horribly against Matt's attempts to get through to his head, comparing losing a loved one to Chris losing his [[Patti|dog]], declaring that mowing the lawn (a menial task at that) was tough work and utterly missing various cues to people's hardships, such as when Matt told him that his mother pulled weeds while inflicted with arthritis, Chris could only apologize for her having arthritis, not be impressed by the feat.
*[[Evan]] - When Evan created the character "Simonchu" as a joke, Chris took it, turned it into a girl and renamed her "Simonla". When Evan got tired of Chris using the monstrosity, he demanded that he kill her. Chris has refused many times but a [[Mailbag 43|recent Mailbag]] took the cake: he told Evan, in detail, how his Simonchu would try to take back Simonla, how Wild Sonichu would defend and defeat Simonchu and Simonchu would return to Evan's "ECGVille" and say that she didn't want to come back, all under Chris's GDC ("Great Director Chandler") powers.
*[[Shigeru Miyamoto]] - Chris was convinced that Miyamoto, who is a world-famous video game designer and creator of beloved and legendary icons like Mario and Zelda, would not only be honored to meet him, but in fact even ''more'' honored to meet Chris than Chris would be to meet him. Then, even after having his game proposal rejected by Miyamoto, Chris still remained convinced that Miyamoto was only "holding out on [him]" and would surely accept his offer in the near future.
*[[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] - Chris loves to hold some form of superiority over people he doesn't like, and the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|calls Alec made]] to Chris are great examples. Chris calls Alec's art "crappy" several times, his reasoning being that it is drawn with a tablet, and doesn't have the "character" that his own pencil-and-paper methods apparently convey. He also tells Alec he is "obviously naïve" because he ''doesn't'' believe that cartoon and comic book characters have real feelings and hasn't been deceived countless times by trolls, and implies that he thinks Alec is pathetic in a rather snide tone of voice, despite having no real reasons to back this up. Despite Alec actually being genial to him during the first few calls, Chris attempts to insult and demean him anyway, and acts like a child being scorned when Alec inevitably becomes angered by this. In a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|recent call]], Chris actually has the balls to tell Alec that there was a price to pay for making him kill off Simonla - Alec, Evan, Sean and Mao's deaths in the comic.
*[[Bob Chandler]] - On 01 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|twittered]] the sad news that Bob Chandler, Chris's father, was hospitalized with a life-threatening heart condition. Instead of asking for prayers (like many [[Chris and religion|Christians]] do) or putting his comic on hold, he whined about the [[stress]] it caused him and talked about the newest dates for release of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu 11]]. The next day, he released [[02 March 2010|two]] [[Surfshack Tito|videos]]. Neither had any info on or mention of his father or his condition. He didn't even update [[CWCipedia|his website]] or his [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|blog]] with the sad news. Here's the sum of all the love and concern Chris expressed for his Dad: One and a half lines of the 11 tweets he sent that afternoon.<ref>[http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu Chris's Twitter]</ref>
*[[Fans|His own fans]] - Ever since day one, Chris has treated his fanbase like shit. He insulted one of the few fans he had, shrugs his shoulders and says "Whatever" whenever a fan tells him they were going to leave and then he expects them to come to his aid whenever its necessary. When Chris lost his latest [[gal-pal]] due to troll interference, not only did he attack the trolls, he also attacked his fans, claiming that they have no life of their own and comparing them to Mary Lee Walsh in trying to stop him from finding a sweetheart.
*[[The Wallflower]] - The Wallflower, Chris's latest [[gal-pal]], has been the source of his most recent heartache and anger. In an article in the CWCipedia, Chris shoves the blame on The Wallflower herself, saying that she should never have had a Facebook page or Fanfiction.net page and that, because she refuses to give ''him'' an apology for this, despite the fact it should be ''him'' to ''her'', she will forever hold the guilt of breaking his heart. In addition, Chris claims that the two of them had been seeing each other up until that time when, in actuality, Chris had been [[friend zone]]d once again.

===The Internet===
*[[CWC's Second Message]] - In what would be his opening attack on trying to get the trolls to remove his page following losing Megan, Chris's opening words, amazingly, were:
{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.}}
*[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]] - Another shining example of Chris's ego in video form: Chris expects, and even '''demands''', respect from everybody, even though Chris has never shown anybody else any kind of respect. Plus, considering all of the things he's done: adding people to his comic so that he can beat them up, [[mass debating]] on camera, discriminating against others because of [[niggos|race]], [[JERKS|gender]], and [[homos|sexual orientation]], spending taxpayer money on [[Kimmi|sex toys]] and [[PS3|video games]], uploading poorly-drawn [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|pictures]] of himself fingerbanging [[Megan]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and then blaming them for her breaking up with him; He's never done anything to warrant the respect of '''anyone'''.
*[[LittleBigPlanet]] - When Chris had shown up on LBP community and posted videos addressed to them, he once again said people "should know him by now". He immediately assumed people would praise him for his levels, especially the "Collector's Case", which he thought was the most original LBP level idea ''ever.''
*[[For G4's Web Soup|Web Soup]] - When Chris learned that one of his videos was featured on an episode, he took it as a good thing, not realizing that the show made fun of people on the Internet.
*[[Sonichu's Edge|Chris]] [[CWCFighter|and]] [[51 50|exercise]] - Many times, Chris has shown his attempts at exercising or performing some sort of strenuous feat. He considered [[Power|lifting up a chair]] to be a great feat of strength, thought that lifting two 12-pack boxes was akin to lifting two 50-pound weights and even showed his "amazing" Parkay skills.
*[[Chris and Wikipedia|Chris and famous people]] - Chris has compared himself to [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Leonardo DaVinci and Michelangelo]] in artistic ability. He has also compared himself in ability or personality to President [[Barack Obama]], [[SingStar Challenge|Frank Sinatra]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Bing Crosby]], [[Red Skelton]], Dick van Dyke, [[I Love Lucy|Ricky Ricardo]], and Jaleel White (who voiced Sonic the Hedgehog). He has also compared himself to many fictional characters such as [[Transformers|Optimus Prime]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[CWC Fighter|Chun-Li]], Homer Simpson and [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]. Since [[Chandler Family Tree|free-riding on someone else's talents]] is nothing new for Chris, he saw no issue into incorporating known people in [[Chandler Family Tree|his family tree]]. This is how [[Anne Boleyn]], [[Daniel Weston]] and an unknown [[Cherokian Clan| Cherokee fellow]] appeared in his ancestry for no logical reason whatsoever. He pushed the audacity to edit many [[Wikipedia]] pages to validate his hubris. All entries have been redacted and he was banned from the site.
*[[Chris E-Mails]] - Chris's massive ego manifests itself eagerly through his correspondence with other people. For example, he e-mailed the O'Reilly Factor, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News at least twice, telling them about his Encyclopedia Dramatica page. Not only did he outright expect them to report on it and give it extensive television coverage, but he expected the FBI (which he also believed was apparently part of the crew for the news shows) to go after Jason Kendrick Howell. Other examples include that while he apologized to Megan for drawing [[shecameforcwc.jpg]], he told her that she owed him money and that he tried to coax [[Anna McLerran]] and Megan into vandalizing his ED page for him. He also believed that people thought their ranking on his [[Scale of Respect]] was of the utmost importance, as illustrated by his correspondence with Mary Lee Walsh.
*[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)|Chris and his ED Page]] - Since Chris is a known narcissistic loon, he never liked mirrors of any kind. When the [[Jason Kendrick Howell|nice folks]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] found him, they couldn't resist the urge to satirize his own existence. Said article turned into a circus whereby [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|he tried to retract, modify, erase]] and even supply the page with [[shecameforcwc.jpg|new]] [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|material]]. In 17 [[December 2009]], he went as far as copying the main article page out of [[ED]] and edited out at his convenience<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Chris_chan]</ref>.
*[[CWCipedia|Chris and his own webpage]] - When Chris was given his own webpage, he found himself bombarded with gay ads, all paid for by [[Jack Thaddeus]]. After dealing with this for months on end, Chris finally had enough and proclaimed that he wrote to currently-standing President Barack Obama in an attempt to make gay ads illegal, despite the fact that this kind of ad is still protected under free speech and even if he got the letter, there's a slim (read: zero) chance that Obama will actually listen to his whiny, fat ass. While addressing the matter, Chris proclaims himself ''the captain of this boat'' and says that without him, CWCipedia would not exist, implying that he does all the hard work on the website, ignoring all of the Sysop's efforts. In fact, CWCipedia is a privilege given to Chris and not at all something that he came up with. Chris has taken this to an absolute extreme, going as far as to suggest that he is the "Captain" of CWCipedia.
*[[Sonichu Forum|Chris and the Sonichu Forum]] - When Chris discovered a troll site filed with people pretending to be Sonichu fans, he used it to it's maximum possible extent. The notorious [[Mailbag 50]] was made using hand-picked posts from the forum, selected for their copious amounts of ass-kissing. When one troll suggested that Chris [[Sonichu Forum#Chris doesn't own a mirror|wasn't much of a catch IRL]], Chris responded with anger, demanding to know what could possibly make them think that was anything less than awesome.
*[[CWCki|Chris and the CWCki]] - On 10 March 2010, Chris ended up discovering the CWCki due to the fiasco that lead to his breakup with [[The Wallflower]]. He demanded that all pages concerning him, his family and friends be altered or [[death threats|there would be trouble.]] Noticing the Wallflower's page altered, he took credit for it, not realizing that she had demanded it much earlier and had nothing to do with his earlier rant.

===Contests===
*[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] - in an attempt to win a contest involving the animated avian lawyer, Chris went to great lengths to talk about himself, his rivalry with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Sonichu]], but very, ''very'' little about Birdman himself.
*[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] - After losing the contest to [[Adam Stackhouse]], Chris would have a major hissy-fit over the loss, proclaiming even the slightest mistake as cheating, despite the fact that Chris himself had broken numerous rules in the process. Even worse, he attempted to fabricate the Playstation webpage to show that he himself had won and not Adam.
*[[Pixelated PS3|Robot Chicken's ''What Would You Do For A PS3'' Contest]] - Chris, when talking about how far he would go to get a PS3, admitted he would ''throw away the cure for autism'' for it.

===Other===
*[[Mumble 3]] - While talking to Clyde, Chris tells him that the reason why he doesn't have a job is because he has so many awesome skills, he just can't choose one.
*[[Mumble 4]] - When Clyde asks Chris what kind of job he thinks he's qualified for, Chris says, "If anything, I'm overqualified...[for] every type of job available!"
*[[Chris and Health]] - Chris hates to be called fat. Deep in his mind, he honestly thinks he's the same somewhat skinny child he was ten years ago, despite the fact that he has a gut and his hairline's retreating at an alarming rate. While he refuses to accept his baldness, he actually is claiming to be working on his gut. Beyond that, he refuses ''professional'' psychological help and honestly believes stuff such as autism and homosexuality are easily caught diseases.
*[[Homos|Homosexuality]] - Chris actually believes that homosexuality is a disease like AIDS or even the common cold. In his comics, he takes a page out of [[Family Guy]] and helps create the cure for homosexuality. Since it questions his own sexuality, he seeks to punish those who are in same-sex relations within CWCVille as well.
*[[CWC Blog#7 January 2010|His Birthday]] - Chris feels that his birthdate (24 February) should be a [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|national holiday]]; a "Second Day of Love" for [[Chris and his Ego|no valid reason whatsoever]].
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|His Church]] - In a recent [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|call to arms against Asperchu]], Chris believe he can use his current congregation as a personal army.
*[[Copyright|His copyright]] - If there is one thing Chris takes pride in, it's his "official" Sonichu copyright. With this, he feels as if he can actually make his multimedia empire with no one to stop him. When he first got the paperwork, he boasted it not even a day after he lost Kacey to Liquid Chris, more or less telling her she got stuck with a loser. He also attempted to set up a bunch of videos trying to sell Sonichu to other companies. In his second "I'm leaving the Internet FOREVER" video, he uses the copyright again to boast that he has won over the trolls.
* [[Car Pranks|His answering machine]] - When a number of trolls attempted to call Chris over a Craigslist listing of his car, one of the calls got to his answering machine. The recorded message says that his lawyers and a doctor of some sort advises him not to take any interviews due to too much information being leaked, then calls the trolls "trollin' stupid."
* [[100 2178|Greene County School Board]] - In one video, Chris proclaims that the Greene County School Board, who sought to help Chris when he was younger, initiated a massive conspiracy against him in order to keep him in his "autistic shell". This also included paying off a Realtor to keep their house from being sold and paying off Michael Snyder to keep him out of the GAMe PLACe.

==In the Comic==

{{quote|I did an AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB|Chris}}

While [[Issue 0]] and [[Issue 1]] do focus on Sonichu, [[Chris-Chan]] takes over as the main character throughout [[Issue 2]], [[Sonichu 5|Issue 5]], [[Sonichu 6|Issue 6]] and [[Sonichu 7|Issue 7]], with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] as a supporting character, and even when he does appear, he's shouting some retarded praises about Chris. [[Sonichu 8|Issue 8]] and [[Sonichu 9|Issue 9]] see ''Sonichu'' taking back his major role as the main character, but he's basically just a Mary-Sue analogy for Chris. The main story arc of [[Sonichu 10|Issue 10]] is the resurgence of Chris and his elimination of every enemy he has so far. He also portrays himself as skinny and handsome (although this doesn't happen till said ''Issue 2'') and will pull powers out of his ass. He even makes several episodes that dramatize events he had in real-life, with the extreme self indulging fantasies that are described below:

Chris's ego is in full bloom in the comics. The name of the city in which he and his Electric Hedgehog Pokemon strive to protect is known as CWCVille. The city's major currency is C-Quarters, W-Quarters and C-Quarters. One of the major drinks in this city is known as CWC Cola. The radio station is called "K-CWC"... the hotel is called the "Double CWC". Basically, everything is named after Chris. The Sonichus and Rosechus he created proclaim him "father". No one in his city cares if he slacks off from his job as Mayor. He even goes so far as to proclaim that there are no elections when he proclaims [[BILLY MAYS]] is NOT the TRUE and HONEST mayor of CWCville.

===Instances of Chris's ego in the comics===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|An entire book of Chris hurting people he hates]]
*'''[[Sonichu 1]]:''' While this is the smallest amount of screen time he's ever had in the comics, he generally steals the scene to himself, Sonichu tries to make a point about how "[[lie|creative]]" the comics are if that, and generally trying to make it seem like he deserves a girlfriend for drawing this retarded piece of [[fail]].
*'''[[Sonichu 2]]:''' His portrayal of [[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wes-Li]] counts; despite not really knowing Chris in [[Chris and Reality|real life]] he still gets portrayed as a villain. He also openly admitted he didn't want Sarah to see anyone else in a text-walling portion of the comic, yet still calls Wes-Li greedy for not wanting to be a part in CWC's retarded conversations. He also draws [[Sarah]] pinning Wes-Li to a tree & breaking up with him, [[Fail|just because she thought Chris being jealous of her was sweet]]. He is also drawn whining about how he lost Sarah, and essentially tells Wes to "buck up", even though he's the first one to make a scream [[Hannah|when he lost a one-time date]]. [[Mary Lee Walsh]] also appears as a villain.
*'''[[Sonichu 3]]:''' This issue has a semi-fictionalized account of an incident Chris had with the managers of McDonald's. He was loitering and soliciting, and they threw him out. In his comic book, however, Chris exclaims that the Jerkops are conspiring against him, preventing him from finding true love. He turns into <s>a furfag</s> [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defeats them with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]], who admits he only helped because Chris was his creator.
*'''[[Sonichu 4]]:''' It's all about Chris here. Sonichu and Rosechu are nowhere to be seen, except for one cameo each in separate sub-episodes. This issue was all about Chris's semi-fictionalized misadventures at Wal-Mart, Target and McDonald's, and pitted him constantly against the Jerkops and Mary Lee Walsh, for they dare to interfere with his [[Love Quest]]. Unlike IRL, Chris can (and does) pwn them in the fantasy world of his comics. This issue also includes the account of Chris's encounter with IRL troll [[Hannah]], who raised his [[heart level]] to 100% just to smash it down to 15%.
[[Image:Sammyandchris.jpg|thumb|Chris as he is vs. Chris as he sees himself.]]
*'''[[Sonichu 5]]:''' This issue has Chris write Sarah Hammer out of the comic so he could focus exclusively on [[Megan Schroeder]], the new object of his desire. While Sarah did marry a man named [[William Spicer]], Chris was not present at her wedding, and had never met Spicer, as he was represented in the comic by a generic [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] character. The next episode has Chris fawning over Megan, and she over him. However, in reality, Megan saw Chris only as a friend, and was constantly rebuffing his advances. The episode features two different endings because Megan either did not like the original ending or objected to being featured in the comic at all.
*'''[[Sonichu 6]]:''' The [[Patti Chandler]] Memorial Issue, where his dead dog becomes a member of CWCville. In the only other episode in this issue, Chris has [[Bionic]] ask him to create a sweetheart for him, but Chris, being a lazy fuck, hooks him up with Megan's character, [[Megagi]]. Chris would later claim Megan's character as his own.
*'''[[Sonichu 7]]:''' Chris is envious of Bionic's ability to screw Megagi until Megan holds his hand, again implying romance where none exists. This issue contains the stupid time-travel plot where they go back in time to the the moment Chris created Bionic, and the scene randomly segues into a [[Family Guy]] style scene he gives Seth McFarlane full permission to use (Coincidentally, or not, the first few minutes of the ''Road to Germany'' episode of Family Guy bears a close resemblance to this "skitch"). After Chris gets trapped in the time void, he mixes both fake memories from the comic with real ones, like Megan "dumping" him and his denial of having drawn [[Shecameforcwc.jpg]] (he blames it on [[ED]], even though he was the one that drew it and uploaded it onto that site), Mary Lee Walsh's invasion of CWCville and her defeat at the hands of the Sonichus and Rosechus, and [[Joshua Martinez]] hooking him up with [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. In the other episode, he introduces his Sweetheart-of-the-moment Blanca and her creation [[Jiggliami]] (who Chris would later claim as his own), as well as featuring an interview with anti-troll [[Robert Simmons V]] about how awesome Chris is.
[[Image:Momentary Escape.JPG|thumb|Chris rends space time asunder to punch some guy.]]
*'''[[Sonichu 8]]:''' While free of Chris the character, the comic was not free of Chris's warped psyche. He drew a sex scene between Sonichu and Rosechu for no other reason than to draw porn of his characters, and gave a detailed account of their reproductive systems. Remember, Sonichu is supposed to be a children's comic, as Chris has stated numerous times. After having his characters have sex for the fifty billionth time, he inserts the hideous [[Rule 34]] he drew into the storyline by having Rosechu come across it while using the internet. In a blatant display of Mary Sueism, Chris uses Sonichu to comment on his hideous drawings by saying that they are "so lifelike", and he also has Sonichu gag and barf at the sight of fan drawings from Chris's ED page of Rosechu with a "pickle". Next there are multiple (traced) nude images of Rosechu, which the plot indicates is to prove that she doesn't have a "pickle". Later on, after Sonichu and Rosechu storm [[4-cent_garbage.com]] (which is a thinly veiled portrayal of ED), she strips again and face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] (the guy who created Chris's ED page), putting him into a state close to death. Even later, all the Rosechus in the comics decide to strip for "[[Women's Rights]]"...well, all except [[Zapina|one underaged one]], who can't strip because of the "[[Chris and sex#pedophilia|dumb laws]]". It must be noted that this entire storyline was a result of Chris being trolled hard by the people over at ED, who drew fan art of Rosechu with a dick to make Chris RAGE...and RAGE he did. An epilogue has former sweetheart [[Sarah Jackson]] killed by [[Optimus Prime]]; another former sweetheart, [[Blanca]], returned to Kentucky and her boyfriend (which makes no fucking sense storyline wise; truth is that she was a troll and Chris failed at writing her out); a two sentence memorial to [[Ryan Cash]]; and a dedication to Sweetheart-of-the-moment [[PandaHalo]].
[[Image:Billboard.JPG|thumb|They're better off without him.]]
*'''[[Sonichu 9]]:''' Lacking Sonichu to use as his mouthpiece, Chris invented [[Reginald Sneasel]] to use as his stand-in during the first episode, and Reginald even goes to retarded lengths to break up a romance between [[Punchy]] and [[Layla]] in a similar way that Chris meddled with Wes and Sarah. After Reginald's plan fails, [[Angelica Rosechu]] approaches him, and they quickly jump into the sack together, echoing Chris's own belief that the woman must make the first move (out of pity) and put out as soon as possible. This episode also introduces Chris's retarded [[Dating Education]] concept and applies it to his characters. Chris also inserts his Sweetheart-of-the-moment [[Ivy]] into the comics in a plotline that goes nowhere, and has a thinly-veiled version of former sweetheart Sarah Jackson as the Date Ed teacher. Chris then makes a callous reference to Sarah's death by Optimus Prime via a representation of her sister Rita. When Rita informs the class about her sister's death, the assorted characters appear to not give a fuck, nor do they make any attempt to console the poor grieving woman that is now stuck teaching their class. Also in Sonichu 9, Chris depicts PandaHalo dying in a fire. He seems to think this is a fitting tribute. He also shopped a caricature of himself onto a billboard in the background, with a caption begging him to return to the mayor's office. Recent additions have shown the addition of a Power Rangers team, the CWC-Power Rangers, as well as a gruesome description of Ivy dying by being hanged as well as BILLY MAYS falling to his death trying to save her.
*'''[[Sonichu 10]]''' With Chris back in the saddle, he proceed with his master plan to get rid of all of those who troubled him in real life. Even worse, he apparently was able to deceive his future wife into think he was his future self and did the nasty with her. On top of this, he proclaims that he helped create the cure for homosexuality and plans to bring about straightness by stealing all those vaccines, bringing them to the present and distributing them right there! Chris-Chan Sonichu defeats some "devil trolls", but can't resist imitating Zorro and spelling "CWC" in the air with his epic blows and kicks (this could be a trifecta: unoriginal, egoistic ''and'' physically implausible). As the comic continues on, he attacks the [[4-cent_garbage]] HQ, he uses the characters [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and [[Beel]] to condemn [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being homo trolls who "slander and tarnish an innocent man's good name", the proceeds to make the latter two jump to their deaths, just as he wishes. Even more, he destroys the building, kills about 200 trolls and proclaims that both ED and 4-cent_garbage's websites were lost forever, despite the fact that most websites nowadays have back ups waiting for just such an emergency. Soon after, Magi-Chan returns from the future, reporting that the gay vaccine has/will be proven to be a worldwide success and that [[1982|February 24th]], 2009, (Chris's sense of time is [[fail|legendary]]) will be be proclaimed Christian Love Day in his honor. Yes, really. And then Chris immediately manages to top this when his God complex manifests itself in the form of [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. Both are portrayed as blatantly messianic figures, especially Ultra Sonichu who works like Chris's version of Jesus who saves [[Asperchu]] characters from "[[Liquid Chris|The False God In Brown Strips]]" and Aspergers by granting them the forgiveness of Chris, which can only be received by praying to him. Chris later denied that he tried to set himself up as God, but at the same time he more than insinuated that he is just as awesome. Later in the issue, as he issues an apology over what he had done concerning Asperchu, he puts Alec, Mao, Evan and Sean on a mock trial for the murder of Simonla Rosechu, pull evidence out of their asses and get them sentenced to death, two of which Chris participates in!
*'''[[Sonichu Special 4]]:''' Chris steals [[Kacey]] from [[Liquid]] for "not treating her right", bursts into the house (note that Kacey doesn't seem to be in any real danger), and friggin' shoots a disarmed Liquid with a [[Megatron pistol|gun]], and draws Kacey's military family telling [[lies|praises]] about Chris, and generally negative comments towards Liquid.

==Christian Love Day==

[[Image:Love-Day.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Magi-Chan]] describes Failmas, and expresses his severe disappointment with a startling lack of accuracy. ]]
'''Christian Love Day''' is a proposed holiday mused upon by Chris in the CWC blog entry of 7 January, 2010. It made an appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] on the same day. As described in the events of the comics, on 24 February, 2009 [[Magi-Chan]] completed his mission of distributing Chris's Gay Vaccine to the world. "[[Chris and religion|Thanks to the blood of Christian Weston Chandler]]," all Homosexuality and (in a startling display of overkill) [[Megan Schroeder|Asexuality]] are eradicated. Chris uses this as an excuse for a second Valentines day late in the month. Presumably, the day will be celebrated with unabashed, BUT STRAIGHT, monkey sex.

===Significance===

{{quote|Upon reflection, February 24 SHOULD be a Holiday of sorts (even a Second Day for Love in addition to Valentine's Day), because the day, to me at least, just FEELS like a Holiday, in addition to it being my Birthday. I have looked it up before, and it is some sort of forgettable (Holi)day in Mexico or somewhere. February 24 Should have More Significance and Recognition like a Holiday. |[[Chris]], in his [[CWC Blog]] for 7 January, 2010}}

Chris bases the holiday not only on his horrifically misguided and disturbing Gay Holocaust, but grants it full significance for being his birthday. Chris actually believes a milestone date in his amateur webcomic should be celebrated worldwide, because he "feels" like it should, especially since it "feels" like a holiday to him (neglecting that everyone tends to view their own birthday as a holiday). He attempts to mask this fact with ill-researched hear-say. The "forgettable" holiday occurring on the 24th is [[Wikipedia:Flag_Day_in_Mexico|Mexican Flag Day]], celebrated at most with a flag ceremony in elementary schools and maybe a short lecture on the history of the Mexican flag. This is notable for being both a minor, yet momentous holiday, doubly defeating Chris's point. On a historical note, it was the same day the [[Wikipedia:February_24#Events|Nazi Party]] was founded, way back in 1920.

[[Chris and Religion|Interesting to note]] is the celebration of a "man"(child) giving his [[Navy|"blood"]] to "save" the population of the [[CWCville|Earth]] from [[Homosexuality|"damnation"]]. [[Chris and his Ego|Chris is a narcissist]]. Big surprise.

===The Declaration===
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|250px|True and Original Declaration of the Christian Love Day]]
{{quote|Good morning. In less than an hour, Sonichu fans from here will join others from around the world as you will be witnessing the largest personal change in the history of mankind. Mankind...that word should have new meaning for us all today. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it is fate that today is Metsico's flllag day. And we will once again be saluting an image of our freedom. Not just from trolling, loneliness, or persecution, but also from heartbreak. We are fighting for our right to love, to be honest, and when the sun sets today, the twenty-fourth of February will no longer be known as only a Metsican holiday, but as today the Sonichu fans declared what wuv was. We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We are going to live on! We are going to survive, to celebr--today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!|Chris, totally not [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] the movie ''Independence Day''}}

Chris is so engrossed by the idea that he went as far as [[Christian Love Day (video)|making a video]] for the occasion, asking his [[trolls|army of fans]] to celebrate his hubris. And to remove any doubt about the issue, he [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|admitted to Alec Benson Leary]] that he does indeed believe he is important enough to have his birthday celebrated across the country. On the other side, he denies ever writing the declaration, claiming a [[Troll|friend]] did it for him, and says he saw the movie ''Independence Day'' only once.

{{clear}}

==References==
<references/>

==See Also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Sub-Episodes]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Lists]]

User:Der Zuschauer

2010-05-17T17:52:02Z

Der Zuschauer: Created page with 'Nothing to see here. Occasional typo-mauling and audio transcriptions when I can.'

Nothing to see here.

Occasional typo-mauling and audio transcriptions when I can.

User talk:Der Zuschauer

2010-05-17T17:18:21Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Glass versus Glasses */

==Glass versus Glasses==
One of the idiosyncrasies of the English language is that glasses are glasses even if it's one, though if there's multiples, I guess you would say "Pairs of glasses." --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:14, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
* Works for me. I've just never heard "glass" used in the singular to refer to spectacles.

CWC's Second Message

2010-05-17T16:59:46Z

Der Zuschauer: /* Transcript */ If "glass" is the correct term for "glasses" in non-North-American English, this edit can be reversed.

After months of trying to either ignore or edit the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, [[Christian]] explodes with fury in this video. He blames ED for causing his falling-out with [[Megan]], although anyone with a brainstem could tell that had occurred months before ED had ever heard of him.

He also begins threatening to withhold the release of [[Sonichu 7]] and all further comics unless the ED page is removed. Naturally, trolls were terrified that they would never see the conclusion to the absorbing story that Chris had created, and rushed to meet his demands. Oh, wait. No, they didn't. That was a [[lie]]. But can you imagine?

This is a beloved classic in the CWC canon, and it was in this video that Chris coined the term "[[pedofork]]."

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC's Second Message
| image = {{#ev:youtube|1XmuUP8Z7r4}}
| Stardate = 03 [[August 2008]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Homos|text}}, {{Comics|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| Saga = {{ED|text}}
| Shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Chan's_Public_Announcement#Watch|Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]
| next = [[Attention_All_Sonichu_Fans_(NOT_HATERS)#Watch|Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am not a pedofork, you dorks!}}

===Transcript===

'''Citizens of the Internet''': I present an open message to each and every one of you.

[[Chris and his ego|Y'all should know me by now]], but, if you don't, I am [[Christian Weston Chandler]], ''the'' original creator of [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], back on March 17th, [[2000]]. Any dates earlier are void. I present this open message because I have a whole bunch of people on the Internet [''removes glasses dramatically''] give me hate…—show me a lot of hate... and I do not appreciate it. Ticks me off.

You think you can just… hate me just to get a laugh out of yourself. Think about it. You're laughing at somebody else's pain and torture, because I am lonesome, still trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] and to make into a sweetheart. Y'all think I'm just a sap, a chump, dumbass, whatever you may think. But you know what? You… ''you!'' Every last one of you, who has sh—expressed hate against me? ''You're'' the shitheads!

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|right|120px|That senile old man in Family Guy]]

Also, every last one of you who thinks that I am similar to that—of that senile old man in [[Family Guy]]… ''you're'' the pedophiles. Every one of you who thinks I'm [[homo]] and calls me that—because I am not; I'm ''straight''! I'm ''straight''!—''you’re'' the homos! Every last one of you!

I could—I could take the whole time to express so much ''anger'' and frustration. I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. [''replaces glasses on face''] Take it or leave it, losers! [''removes glasses dramatically (again)''] It m—it helps me see better… see more detail and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together out of your own ego that you so richly... [''begins awkwardly tapping PS3 controller''] consume of.

But… on a more serious note: learning recently of the false—or real—literature, with downloaded… ''copies'' of my comic pages and whatnot. It has been either distributed or created ''without'' my consent or approval. So... it ''is'' a fake... and if it ever is published, or if it ever shows profit, let it weigh on your consciousness throughout your eternal life… that you are torturing and—worse off—tearing the heart, and soul, and emotions of the innocent man. The out—the innocent—still 26-year-old [''slams arms down on chair’s arms''] ''virgin''. Not only that, but I have so many lonely nights and stress… that you can not just imagine it!

Now, as for the other serious note: of any new stuff officially made by me, under my own… hands… ''not'' by anybody else's, which are considered ''false''. I just have not been feeling the inspiration to draw—to color! Because the loneliness…—I cannot stand that. The hatred I'm getting from every last one of you who has contributed to that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] web page… and every other forum, Internet document, lewdly drawn pictures with… ''dicks''…—I love ''dykes!'' ''Dykes!'' ''[[China|CHINA]]!'' I'm ''straight!'' If I ever—if I see a dick, I just look away, with a moment of being freaked out! [''makes arm gesture for “you’re out”'']

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|200px|"She has come for me"]]

''And'' e-mailing me pictures is not gonna get any of you any further conclusion to “Will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]] get out of [[Dark Mirror Hole|the mirror]]?”, “Will the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] be collected?”, “Will I ''ever'' find my [[sweetheart]]?” ''And'' am I—am I or [[Megan Schroeder]] still—and I—” which by the way, she broke up with me so much long ti—so much long ago because the contributors to that ED page… you broke the emotional streng—strength between us. You promoted such twists and turns to everything I have said [''begins tapping PS3 controller against his hand to count the offenses''] and drawn and written and ''whatnot''… You broke up the best friendship, the best relationship, the ''closest'' I could ever have in this ''pitiful adult life!'' ''You'' did it! Every last one of you! If I could blame myself, I would definitely blame myself for drawing [[Rule 34|those ''five'' pictures]]! Those five drawings! And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; [''covers eyes with one hand momentarily''] that is ''Megan!'' And just for—and just for—for taking it up—and twisting it around and such!

Think about it. ''Think about it!'' Weigh it on your conscience! Because nothing—no more official Sonichu art or work may—or may not—ever emerge… depending on the amount of hate that is decreased! That web page: ''taken off the Internet''! I wish I'd never found that piece of ''shit'' in the first place, back on that Halloween of ’07, somewhere around there. And promoting the hatred, and… drawing such loose—such ''lucrid'' mockeries is ''not'' gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way… as I am telling you this, right into my [[PSEye|PlayStation Eye]]!

[''sighs deeply''] If I ever do find the one that is to be my sweetheart, I will give her such care, such tenderness, such love… we get around to the [[Chris and sex|hanky-panky]], that's fine, that's good… we get married. I will have my God-create—my [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]! She will be taken care of… lovingly. Those of you mock me otherwise, with such ''frivolous, lucrid adultery''… if I ever hear another—any more new stuff, it will weigh on your conscience, with me ''tearing at your souls''… emotionally! Let ''that'' weigh on your conscience, for those of you who have already done so or are thinking about doing it!

I am not a ''[[pedofork]]'', you ''dorks''!

[''sighs''] I tell ya… so much anger, so much stress… it's hard to see straight. Let that, the result of all that you have contributed against me, weigh heavily like a 10,000-pound anvil! "Sixteen tons, whadd'ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt!" [''pronounces the b in “debt”'']

[[Chris and religion|If I was not a baptized man]] over at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist church]] by the [[University of Virginia]], I'd tell every last one of you that contributed to the hatred and downpour, "Go to hell." But I can—but I would not even weigh that upon my worst enemy, because that—because I am more kind than ya think. Y'all just do not see that; y'all just twist my words around. [''clears throat''] I do not wish to see any more hatrey or adult mockery, and I want that Encyclopedia Dramatica page taken down forever! It will weigh heavily on your conscience each day that it is ''still'' up there.

[''replaces glasses on face''] I leave you with any other thoughts that you ''may'' have. But if you ''dare'' twist ''these'' words around, that will weigh ''worse'' on your conscience. The words that ''I'' provide from [[Lies|sound mind]] and ''heart''… it will weigh heavily on you.

It will weigh ''heavily'' on you.

== Fan videos ==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Metal Love Solid: Portable Jerkops
| video = {{#ev:youtube|p03W5ElzdGI}}
| Stardate = 6 August 2008
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan Loves Every Last One of You
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3ifIi-ts-PQ}}
| Stardate = 10 February 2008
| Maker = RosechusPickle
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Vanilla Chris - "Dykes Dykes China"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Br-yK7nbHuk}}
| Stardate = 14 March 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Ringo Chris - "Christian Chandler: Lonesome Heart Soul Man (Reprise)"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|L79PdhpQKr8}}
| Stardate = 8 September 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxN_TCywHPg Creator of the Internet]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]|nextlink=[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category: Captain's log entries| 2008-08-03]]