Son-Chu

2012-04-06T12:29:02Z

Devindenver:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple "disconcerting" issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[28_October_2011|aggravated assault]]. The DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersville department.

Members of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding he had more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref name="Mumble 10">[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref name="Mumble 10"/>

Chris no longer owns, or at least no longer drives Son-Chu as of February 2012.<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a three-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to ''[[Transformers]]'', he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia, Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], [[Carlos Chantor|Escortin' Car.]]"<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when [[Transformers|Decepti-Clones]] attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the [[Cwcville]] Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other ''Transformers'' rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high-functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family has kept the permit so long because their [[fat]], lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
[[File:Cwchomersimpson.jpg|thumb|Homer, awaiting his ill gotten fate.]]
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high-functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers, along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]
The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]", thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a vanity plate stems from family. [[Bob]] had a vanity plate reading "UN4EVR" (apparently a statement of support for the U.N.) and "IB MR C" ("I be Mr. C," as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named "B WESTON" (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded [[Wikipedia:Bumper sticker|bumper stickers]]. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world views, and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* [[Sonichu]] window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|the old Tripod website]], what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both [[Sonic]] and [[Sonichu]], and a very faint rendering of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music<ref>[http://www.plan9music.com/Home]</ref> - A bumper sticker for a local [[Chris and music|record shop]] where Chris probably gets his [[Britney Spears]] CDs from.
* An [[America]]n Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in [[2001]], during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "[[Autism]]. Work For A Cure." - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world.
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for [[The GAMe PLACe]]. We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place; however, the American flag has been removed and replaced with a [[Wikipedia:Ichthys|Jesus fish]], a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me!" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed-in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil Change due 4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's absurdly overdue oil change.]]
It is unknown what mechanical shape Son-Chu is in. However, given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]], it's unlikely the family takes any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at Son-Chu's condition was in the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car is stopped at a traffic light or parked somewhere, the engine rattles loudly; while a vibration at idle is a known design flaw with that year of Ford Escort, it is very possible that the motor mounts are shot (A common problem on that year of Escort), and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]], replacing his motor mounts would put him over budget. A [[Wikipedia:Pennzoil|Pennzoil]] sticker on the windshield states that the next recommended oil change was to take place on 5 [[April 2009]], over a year before the video was recorded; we also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it.
{{-}}

==Current status==
According to a [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] from February 2012, Chris no longer owns, or at least no longer drives Son-Chu. Why Chris bought another car and Son-Chu's fate are currently unclear; However, said Facebook status suggests that he may have bought another car to avoid detection by [[jerkop]]s. Chris likely got rid of Son-Chu sometime before fall 2011, as according to a leaked email, Chris was driving Barb's [[Wikipedia:Ford Aerostar|Ford Aerostar]] during the [[28 October 2011|infamous GaMe PLaCe incident]] in October of that year. Chris currently drives a [[Wikipedia:Mitsubishi Motors|Mitsubishi]]; no other information about Chris' new <s>transformer</s> ride is available at this time.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. "[[Honor roll]]" my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3|Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|Post-Beta
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|Transformed version.
File:SonChuComic9.jpg|Flawless.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Car Pranks]]
* [[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Power

2012-03-25T12:11:51Z

Devindenver: better description

'''Power''' is a file, published by [[The Miscreants]], in which [[Chris]] performs various dubious feats of strength. The .zip includes three videos, an audio file and a "special thanks" document. It was published along with [[CWCFlyingElephants]] on 27 [[April 2009]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Power
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TREWHpjD2Rc}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[I Got A Fish]]
| next = [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:He-Chan.jpg|thumb|right|BY THE POWER OF NUMBSKULL!]]

StrongCWC1 (0:00 - 0:15)

[''Starts with Chris standing shirtless, which shows how [[chris and health|woman-esque and unpowerful]] his body is.'']

'''I HAAAVE THE POWEEERRRR!!! FEEL MY WRATH!!'''

[''This is followed by a retarded guitar solo, and ending with him befuddled by what to do with the [[gitar of fail|guitar]], considers dropping it, then most likely thinking it will break if done so, ponders aimlessly like a buffoon and drops it anyways adding a few seconds of awkward silence.'']

StrongCWC2 (0:16 - 0:38)

[''We see Chris, still shirtless, standing next to a chair with [[sports bra|Olympic style]] commentary.'']

We will now be watching the strong man, lifting a '''very heavy''' ''office chair''. Note: the chair [[WeighIn|weighs a ''grand'' number of ''pounds''.]]
[''lifts the chair with considerable effort, using mainly his back'']
Ahhhhh! Ta-da! '''FEEL MY WRATH!!''' [''puts the chair back down'']

StrongCWCPower (0:39 - 0:55)

Now we will be seeing the strong man lifting ''the same chair'', but with a '''very heavy''' basket full of junk in the chair.

[''bends down to pick up the chair, giving us a good view of his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] in the process- he struggles to lift the chair, and spills a good portion of what appears to be books in the process'']
'''HHHNGG [[random access humor|I ONCE KNEW A MAN FROM NANTUCKET!!''']] [''puts the chair back down very quickly'']

==See also==
* [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
* [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'LL SEND EVERYTHING IN MY '''POWER!''']]
* [[Prower]]

==External links==
* [http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Q0VPMWR1 Download Power]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I Got A Fish]]|nextlink=[[CWCFlyingElephants]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]

CWCki - User contributions [en]

Son-Chu

Power