CWCki - User contributions [en]

Sydney Kirsch

2010-05-14T18:01:24Z

Doctor Napalm:

{{Rename}}

In the wake of the [[Jackie]] emails, on or about 22 April, a brave <s>troll</s> woman named '''Sydney Kirsch''' mistook Chris for "[[Liquid|another Chris]]" at [[The Game Place]], with whom she had intended to do some Pokémon related business. Since she had forgotten this handsome, devilishly charming man's email address, she simply Googled Chris and The Game Place then emailed the first place that came up. The following is a record of what took place...

Sydney had the noble end-goal of wanting to get Chris to resume answering the mailbags, by trading naked pictures of herself for answered questions. Unfortunately... things did not turn out that way at all.

Some subject matter (mostly audio clips and voice mail messages) have not been posted because they are mostly irrelevant, don't add to the story and/or don't contain input from Chris. Note that the date and time stamps on emails are for Virginia time, while the date and time stamps on audio clips are [[PandaHalo|Adelaide, Australia time]].

The [[User:Ronichu|woman herself]] quite happily admits that there is not a lot of new information about Chris in these documents, and that the CWCki exists to document Chris, not failed troll attempts. However, making the information public will hopefully make it clear that Chris IS beginning to adapt, so just remember, nobody trolls Chris quite so well as Chris.

Ultimately, this was a rare win for Chris. His smugness at (finally) uncovering a troll is chuckle-worthy.

== Mistaken identity ==

{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 8:54 AM

Subject: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hi Chris,

It's Sydney here! We met each other briefly in [[The Game Place]] (I was the teenage blonde girl who wanted to buy those Poke'mon cards). I might be getting you confused with [[Liquid|someone else]], so stop me if I'm waaaay off track! ;)

You asked about my boyfriend Sam- unfortunately, we broke up last week because that damn arsehole was cheating on me with your friend Tracy. Can you believe it?! Arg. It makes me so angry! So yeah- I'm back on the market baby, woo hoo! :D

Anyway, I know it's a long shot, but I was hoping you might still have some more cards for sale? If not, maybe we can battle- I'd love to see them in action! We can meet up in person if you like to do the trade, or we can do it by eBay or something if you'd prefer.

Hugs,

Sydney.}}

== A little nibble... ==

{{quotebox|Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:23 PM
Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

I'm sorry, you are confusing me with someone else. Although I did USE to go to The Place; [[Michael Snyder]], the "Manager", banned me from there almost Two Years Ago; he thought I was "scaring his customers away". I think Two Years is long enough for a ban. >:(

Have a good and safe day,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

== Sydney responds ==

{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:30 PM

Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris,

Oh wow, I'm sorry! Yeah, I must have mixed my Chris' up. I'm pretty sure the Chris I meant to e-mail wasn't called Chandler. But hey, I made a new [[friend zone|friend]], so that's cool too!

Wow- Michael did that?! He always struck me as a really nice guy. I can't believe he'd ban you for two years- lol! What a dick. Maybe I won't go anymore, haha, I can get cards online for waaay cheaper anyway.

So anyway, what've you been up to since Michael banned you? I mostly just hang out at the Barracks Road Shopping Center, although I haven't been for the last like week because my ex-BF is there and I REALLY don't wanna see him at the moment, lol.

You seem nice- e-mail me back okay?

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Interest is building ==
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris sent his [[The_Hook_Cafe|Hook Cafe]] image to Sydney, acne scarring and all.]]
{{quotebox|Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:47 PM
Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

I hear you on getting cards online. Don't stop shopping at The Place on my account; they still have other good merchandise as well (last I checked); [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|I went there the other day to ask Mike to lift the ban]]; he repeated over and over Hard "No"s. What you can do for me next time you go there, of which I would appreciate, let me know if they are still selling Eye of Judgment and Universal Fighting Series card packs/decks, and tell Mike that you know what he did to me and show him little respect. [[Laughs_Under_Lucricities|LOL]].

I thank you for the compliment; I feel a little better hearing that. I'm attaching a current photo of myself; do you have one of yourself to share? And perhaps you and I can hang out sometime.

It was nice being introduced to you, Syd.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

== What a sexy, sexy man ==
[[Image:SydneyKirsch.jpeg|thumb|Sydney sent this modest picture in reply. Chris would later compliment her on her appearance, but either [[fuck quest|not read the text body of her e-mail at all or, if he did, not remember even a single detail about her.]] Hmm.]]
{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 4:48 PM

Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris- wow, that's a nice picture. Is it recent? You look happy. :) And I like your vest- it's really rugged!

I do actually have a picture- it's a year old I think (maybe?? lol), my old boyfriend took it. He's a professional photographer so it looks WAAAY nicer than I am irl, haha. He did some pretty serious airbrushing and all, but it's me under there, I swear! When we get to know each other better, I'll send you through one 'au naturale', Hehe. He's also the one that drew the heart. :( Now I feel sad, remembering this. Sorry. I guess the pain is still kinda fresh.

I'll drop by at the Place in the next couple of days and see what they have in stock. If they have those two things, I'll definitely let you know- about talking to Michael, I'll see what I can do, hah, but I can be a little shy sometimes.

Anyway, I've attached a picture. You seriously seem really nice- I don't know why Michael would react that way, he's always been fair to me, but I guess some people really do have a dark side.

It was really nice being introduced to you, too- after my boyfriend cheated on me THEN dumped me recently, it's been very nice to hear a friendly voice. I've seriously started to think all men are dicks, but I guess it isn't so!

Heh, Syd'. I like that. :) One of my old friends did call me that once, I wish she had kept it up, I quite like it. My full name is Sydney Kirsch (It's German in origin, it means 'cellar') just fyi, and also, is it Christian or Chris? Or is Chris short for Christian? What do you prefer?

What sort of things are you into, Chris? (Or Christian?) I'm a big aircraft girl, I love planes. F16s, F22s- did you know they had the JSF in the new Die Hard movie? I swear, I kinda squealed a bit. It was like a dream come true, seeing it hover like that.

Anyway, it was nice talking to you! I have to duck out to do some shopping now, I'll be back later.

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Well, sometimes her memory fails her ==

{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 4:48 PM

Subject: P.S.

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Oh hey- I realised a mistake- the spellchecker corrected my name from '[[virgin with rage|cherry]]' to 'cellar' because I made a typo. Kirsch means cherry. I don't actually like it, though, because I think Sydney Cherry sounds so freak'n [[retarded]]! Like a stripper name or something, haha.

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Houston, we have liftoff! ==

{{quotebox|Friday, April 23, 2010 2:12 AM
Subject: You're Cute. :)

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

You and I should definitely meet up; I feel more comfortable with in-person interactions than internet. I've had online relationships in my past; most of which were good, but all of them ended not so good for me. I'd rather not talk about that now.

the photo I sent you is recent; I got a [[Homo|trucker]] look going for me. I'm sorry to hear about your ex dumping you. I like to think I am a nice guy; I try to be anyway. :) Allow me some [[Rape|in-person time]] (dates and whatnot), and I will show you some fun and good times. "Christian" or "Chris"; I'm okay either way, so feel free to call me whichever you like better.

To describe myself...

I'm 28 years old, 5'10", [[Obesity|average body type]] (don't hold my [[muscle bra|cleveage]] against me, LOL), I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]] and I never will, I'm a [[Chris%27s_Big_Night_Out|social drinker]], I'm a Pisces, and I'm a [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church-going]] Methodist.

I'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when possible.

I graduated from high school on the [[Honor Roll]], and I have graduated from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Piedmong Virginia Community College]] [''sic''] with a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.

I’m really good at
[[Chris and art|Drawing]], [[Chris and English|writing]], [[Medallions of Fail|crafting]], [[Nudes|making well-thought decisions]], [[11042009 51 50|heavy lifting]], [[How to Talk to Girls|holding a conversation]], [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|showing a woman a good time]] (on a date with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out and share).

The first things people usually notice about me
I would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse with.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Goosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken.

The six things I could never do without
-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart.
-My Video Games (PS3, PSP, DS and Wii, and all of my older consoles).
-[[Chris and his ego|My creative genius]].
-[[Chris and sex|Sex]]
-[[Chris and health|My good health]].
-[[Pedo-Glasses|My glasses]]; I'm nearsighted.

I copied/pasted my description from my [[OkCupid|OKCupid.com page]] (ChrisCSonichu). Please reply with your age, details and what you would put in your profile. :) Let me give you my cell phone number, 434-760-0848, so you can call me and converse while hearing each others voices. You may inform me of your number in your reply as well, yet if you're calling from the 434 Area Code, I will be likely to pick up. If I miss your call, you can leave a message on my voicemail, and I will return your call.

Oh, Also, my [[Bob|father]] and I like airplanes too, yet we are more into music and stuff. You seem very knowledgeable and smart; I like that in women. And I'm Liking You, Syd. :)

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

== All about Sydney ==

[''TL;DR it's just an infodump about Sydney, her likes and her dislikes, etc. Note that the lack of apostrophes in this e-mail was due to user error.'']

{{quoteboxred|Friday, April 23, 2010 3:39 AM

Subject: Re: You re Cute. :)

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Haha, well, let s take it slow for a little bit, hey? I d love to meet up with you eventually, in fact I guess I d prefer it in the end, but yeah I ve had my share of bad relationships too- I d rather we kinda slowed down a bit at this point if that s okay! Haha... At the moment we are email buddies, let s see where it goes from here.

Thank you for your kind words regarding my picture. I can be kinda shy when first meeting people, so I use that year-old picture because it s one I know I ll usually not feel really embaresses about (lol).

I don t have a profile as such at the moment, I try not to keep too much stuff about myself on the internet because I m afraid of creepy stalkers, lol.

I guess I ll talk about stuff as it comes, haha. Okay. I m 19 years old (20 soon, OMG I feel old :(), blonde, really short (lol) and obsessed with jets. I a Cancer zodiac sign, which I hate because it s named after a deadly disease (lol :(). I sometimes play Pokemon and stuff but I m not really good with the rules so I always lose. Opps.

I don t smoke, never have, and I don t drink these days either. I m a pretty quiet gal, but I love the roar of engines, haha. I guess we all have our personality quirks.

I have an old clunker of a computer, along with an iPad and an Xbox 360 which I bought so I could play IL-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey and Over G Fighters. I guess I prefer Over G. If you have an Xbox too, we could play together if you want? :)

I was born in Albany WA, alhough I was concieved in Sydney, Australia which is where my parents got the name (lol, unimaginative!). I spent most of my school life getting shuttled between Tamworth, Australia and Albany. I would usually change every year or so, depending on what my parents wanted. Those long flights, plus hugely boring stayovers in LAX meant that I got to see lots of jets, inside and out, haha.

When I graduated high school, I applied to be a pilot in the National Guard, but I was told that since I d spent so long in Australia I might be a security risk, plus I have asthma, so I was denied entry. :( Serious, that was the worst day of my life, I cried for weeks.

After that, I basically went back to Australia for a while, because my dad got a job there, but six months later his work moved him to VA... And here I am! Hehe. Because I got moved around so much, I barely got to be really close friends with anyone or really stay at any one place for long, which is a real bummer, lol.

Anywho. It s okay if you don t wanna discuss your past relationships, to be honest, I d rather keep mine to myself too at this point. I m not interested in what happened in the past. Thanks for the offer of your cell phone- I will consider giving you a call once we know each other better. :) Just don t laugh at my accent!

Anyway, wow. I ve really been rabbiting on about nothing, hahaha... Sorry if I have bored you to tears, my life isn t very exciting. Write me back, okay?

Love,

Sydney. (lol. Now you know where I got named after...)}}

== Radio silence ==

[''Not having received a reply, Sydney wrote back after a day.'']

{{quoteboxred|Saturday, April 24, 2010 2:49 AM

Subject: Re: You re Cute. :)

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris, are you there? I replied!

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Radio silence continues ==

{{quoteboxred|Saturday, April 24, 2010 6:17 AM

Subject: My ex-boyfriend talked to me today :(

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris,

I feel chestfallen- my ex-boyfriend talked to me today about some stuff, and now I am very sad, can we have a chat about stuff? Maybe AIM or something? I noticed you were using an AOL account.

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Still no word, Skype time? ==

{{quoteboxred|Saturday, April 24, 2010 1:23 PM

Subject: Hey, an idea!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chrissy,

I had an idea- I am uncomfortable giving you my number since we just met, buuuuuuuuuut... do you have a Skype account? We can have a Skype phone conversation if you like. :) My account name is hugsrfun, just message me whenever with either a chat or a call... lol

Just FYI, I leave it on CONSTANTLY, even when I'm asleep, so if you call and I'm not there don't stress out okay?

Love,

Sydney.}}

== It does not look good... ==

{{quoteboxred|Sunday, April 25, 2010 2:42 AM

Subject: Are you ignoring me?

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris,

Are you ignoring me? Ever since I sent you all that info about myself you haven't replied yet, despite several e-mails. What's wrong?

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Sydney calls Chris ==

[''Note that Chris, despite predicting that Sydney would call, apparently has no idea who she is until he gets some serious prompting... and even then he's not 100% sure.'']

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Sydney Kirsch Christian Weston Chandler Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|BkHuc7In_yI}}
| Stardate = 29 April 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Sydney Kirsch
| next = Sydney Kirsch Christian Weston Chandler Call 2
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Sydney:''' Hey, uh, is this Christian Weston Chandler?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Is this Sydney?

'''Sydney:''' This is Sydney. Yeah. Hey. Oh my God.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' I finally get to speak to you. I am so happy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' I mean [''unintelligible''] for a while.
[''Sydney said, "I've been meaning to get in touch with you for a while", but the audio cut out for a second.'']

'''Chris:''' I mean, well, uh. Yeah, well, I mean, uh. I have... I have received your emails and upon my recollection, I don't recall talking to you through email before you sent the email recently, so I am uncertain about... things. So forgive me for being skeptical.

'''Sydney:''' Oh no, that's okay. Remember? I'm the- I'm the girl that likes planes... that likes jets?

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Sydney:''' Do you remember?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Sydney:''' [''Stammers''] I- I- I-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Sydney:''' I went to [[The Game Place]]. I was mistook you for [[Liquid|someone else]].

'''Chris:''' The... Game Place?

'''Sydney:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I don't... [[Autism|It still doesn't ring a bell]].

'''Sydney:''' Okay. Um. Well, anyway, um... I'll... I'll remind you if you like. Um, what happened is we um... I met another guy called Chris uh at The Game Place and he was selling some Pokémon cards and I thought it was you. Um, 'cause I just Googled Chris and the Game Place and it came up with you. But you said it wasn't you, and that pic-

'''Chris:''' Oh, oh, oh. Oh, I see. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Uh. Yeah, basically put in a nutshell, [[Michael Snyder|Michael]] was scared of me and and uh, he was afrai- and he was uh, preoccupied with his crackpot theory of me scaring his- scaring his... customers away, so he banned me from the store.

'''Sydney:''' Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' That's so unfair...

'''Chris:''' What an asshole. Yeah, he's an asshole.

'''Sydney:''' He always struck me as a really... Yeah, I'm really sorry to hear that. Wow. He's a... he's a dick. I'm sorry about that. Oh, wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' That's just so unfair.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' Look, um anyway... Hey, look you sent me a picture um... I really liked your picture. You're very, very handsome. Have you ever been told that?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. [[Chris_and_his_ego|Yeah]], [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|I have been told that]], mmm. Thank you for the compliment.

'''Sydney:''' Yeah. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. Um. I was just wondering, um... [''Chris talks over Sydney''] cuz we did-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I think uh... Yeah, I think I got... I think I got a picture from you as well. Uh... Yeah, that's really you, right?

'''Sydney:''' Yeah, yeah. Um. It's an old picture. I'm sorry I didn't have a more recent one. Um. I have other pictures... that are more recent, but I look... I think I look okay in that picture. My ex-boyfriend took it.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Sydney:''' And it's been- it's been heavily airbrushed it, but it is me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah. Yeah, well let me ask you. How old are you?

'''Sydney:''' Um. I'm 19.

'''Chris:''' You're 19? Okay.

'''Sydney:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, uh, yeah... So, at this point, you wanted to uh hook up with me or something? I just wanted to make sure I understand. [''Sydney talks over Chris''] The uh... at this point...

'''Sydney:''' Oh, wow. I would really... Yeah, I would really like that.

'''Chris:''' [''Incredulous''] You would... You would like to hook up with me?

'''Sydney:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh... possibly start a [[Fuck Quest|potential relationship]]?

'''Sydney:''' I would... Wow. I tell you what, if you would date me, that would be really, really impressive. I... You're a very attractive man and I'm really nothing special, so...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. All right. Uh.

'''Sydney:''' [''Sydney begins to talk over Chris, but Chris wins''] But I mean look, let's- I do think-

'''Chris:''' Let me think about it further and uh... Let me think about it further and I'll uh... and I'll decide on the details for uh... for a possible date. Uh, would uh, tomorrow be too soon?

'''Sydney:''' Absolutely. Um, I actually, I work as an airline hostess. I'm actually out of [[Charlottesville]] at the moment. Um... but, if you wanted to um... I'll-I'll be back in like, you know... maybe like 8 or 9 days. It depends on what my work does. Um. I travel a lot.

'''Chris:''' -yeah-

'''Sydney:'''Uh, but if you... I can check my email like all the time, so if you wanted to email me while... 'Cause, look, I really want to know more about you and I would love... dating you. Um, you're obviously an attractive man.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. All right. Well, listen, I got to go, but it was nice talking to you so, you take care and have a safe day.

'''Sydney:''' All right. Email me, okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay.

'''Sydney:''' All right. Thank you, mate. Bye.

[''Chris leaves the call'']

'''Sydney:''' Oh, he called me. Oh my God. Oooh.. he's so hot. Yeah, I know. He's just wonderful. Oh my God. I can't believe it. I can't believe that he called me. I know. He said we might be able to go out. He said we might be able to-

[''Tape cuts off'']

== Radio silence broken ==

Chris sends an email to Sydney immediately after the call. Notice how he simply copies his dating profile page into the email. He's too lazy to even talk about himself.

{{quotebox|Thursday, April 29, 2010 3:09 PM
Subject: Please forgive me.

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

I was in error in memory; I had you confused with [[Jackie|someone else]] who
e-mailed me recently. My bad.

I better recollected you as I was eating my breakfast and drinking my
coffee. And let me add that You Are Beautiful. You'd be a woman I'd
wait for happily.

As for about myself, let me copy/paste my bio from my page on okCupid...

I'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the
company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also
like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when
possible.

I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated
from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a
Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to
what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and
love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my
best to give it to them.

I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me, and sex
is an eventual must; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young
at heart, pretty, 18-28-years old, lives in, or around, the
Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas,
smoke-free, non-black and single.

What I’m doing with my life
I'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects
and helping my family. I also work on my art projects, get some
exercise in; all that good stuff.

I’m really good at
Drawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy
lifting, holding a conversation, showing a woman a good time (on a date
with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out
and share).

The first things people usually notice about me
I would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When
I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside
from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse
with.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Goosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my
favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite
singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken.

The six things I could never do without
-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart.
-My Video Games (PS3, PSP, DS and Wii, and all of my older consoles).
-My creative genius.
-My good health.
-My glasses; I'm nearsighted.
-Food/Water

I'll leave you with that for now, and you are welcome to reply with more or less of your own Bio Specs. :)

BTW, you live in the Charlottesville, VA area, am I right? I want to make sure, so I can rest assure I won't have to drive farther to your pad (should the "Bonus Round" begin).

Stay Sweet and Safe,
Christian.}}

== OH SHI- ==

[''Things are going along smoothly, right?'']

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Sydney Kirsch Christian Weston Chandler Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|btKn-6cAB3k}}
| Stardate = 1 May 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Sydney Kirsch
| next =
}} </center>

===Transcript ===

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Sydney:''' Hey, Chris. This is, um... Sydney. How are you- how are you doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Um... yeah. I'm, so- Uh, listen. I know about you and your little game. I've read the troll forum. You're actually in Australia. You do not fool me anymore. Goodbye.
 '''Sydney:''' Um... Yeah, I- I am Australian.
 [''Tape cuts off'']

== Epilogue ==

It is probable that, after her dismal failure, Clyde Cash had the woman executed. Such is the fate of those who fail Clyde.

Clyde Cash

2010-05-13T21:22:13Z

Doctor Napalm: /* In the beginning */

[[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|The real Clyde Cash, [[Secret Weapon|according to Chris]].]]
[[File:Issue 4 Page 2 edit.JPG|thumb|Chris wishes he could do this.]]

{{quote|Yer butt's gonna be in trouble|[[Barbara Chandler]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[Hooker incident#Aftermath|The Hooker Incident]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!|[[Chris]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Then the dragon stood on the sand of the seashore. I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns, seven heads, and ten royal crowns on its horns. On its heads were blasphemous names.|The Bible on Clyde Cash}}

'''Clyde Cash''' (alias '''Gregg Mays''' - that's [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|Gregg with three g's]]) ([[Wikipedia:Born on the Fourth of July|04 July]] [[Wikipedia:1976|1976]]) was the older brother of [[Ryan Cash]] who decided to take vengeance against Chris after his brother killed himself. He was the former leader of [[The Miscreants]]. His close friend is [[Bryan Bash]], he once employed [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]] (Jew variety) and his cousin is [[Vivian Gee]].

'''He's back.'''

==In the beginning==

For the longest time Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed Clyde would read Ryan the latest Sonichu adventure, until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually with the first three pages.)

This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing Sonichu comics. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. On the 24th of December Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.

On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether Crystal would be released from the Dark Hole Mirror was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.

[[Image:ChrisVSClyde.JPG|thumb|Artist's interpretation of the epic struggle.]]
[[Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|thumb|left|Clyde Cash and his buddy [[Jack Thaddeus]].]]

==The Torment Begins==

Clyde's first act was to rape [[Panda]]<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next [[gal-pal]]. Then, he posed as Gregg Mays (a web designer working for [[Nintendo]]) to gain access to [[Sonichu.net]]. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make a video proclaiming he was gay. He then told him to make a [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|video declaring his straightness]]. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a [[troll]] and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of Panda, Clyde managed to gain access again.

It was around this time that [[Takashi Tezuka]] and [[Jay Z]] were doing their ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]], they created the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

[[Julie]] set up a [[Mumble]] chat in which Chris could communicate with [[Trolls|true and honest Sonichu fans]]. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|cleaning his room]]. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a 13 year old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.

After that, he sent out his trusted [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew friend]] to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The Jew turned [[Robert Simmons V]] into a troll and infiltrated the church. He then stole Chris's one and only date, [[Emily]].

When [[Ivy]] came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and killed herself.

Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the [[PSN]] a few times. But then [[Jack Thaddeus]] did him one better...

And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.
[[Image:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg|thumb|left]]
In Chris's revised Encyclopedia Dramatica page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the Transformers character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow Megatron behind the scenes. Chris says this because Clyde Cash allegedly killed [[BlueSpike]].

==In the comic==
[[Image:CWCsClyde.jpg|thumb|left|Clyde, left, with [[Ivy]]]]
In the [[comic]] Cly(de) is a villain working for [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Apart from capturing [[Ivy]] and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]], officially [[Sonichu Special 1]]. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments]]

He made his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] trolls. When Beel escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Adolf Hitler]]. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicidal deaths.
{{Clear}}

== Currently ==
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|STRAIGHT]] ANGER]]
After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris is not very pleased.

When not battling [[Liquid Chris]] for the hand of [[Kacey]], Chris spends his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into [[obesity|shape]] and a desire to frighten Clyde with his [[Chris and Health|bulging muscles]].

[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|thumb|left|Clyde with [[The Wallflower]].]]

He had a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.<Ref>[[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]], [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]], [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]], [[Getting Foam Ed]], [[Twin Falling Towers]], [[It will never end]] and [[Apology for 9/11 Joke]]</ref> Clyde scoffed at the [[No More Jokes|final video]].

However, because of the negative reaction to [[Sonichu Special 4]], Chris, in the [[CWCipedia]] mailbag, makes clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.

In [[Don't Mess With Me|a recent video]], Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis, believing he was the reason why he lost "[[The Wallflower]]". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a knife and slitting Clyde's throat as a warning to all trolls.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan Loves Clyde Cash
| video = {{#ev:youtube|73jIxs5yQLg}}
| Stardate = 17 April 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCvillelulz CWCvillelulz]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = It's a love/hate relationship.
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan KILLED Clyde Cash (Never Before Seen Footage)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FiTVga0G8Ws}}
| Stardate = 7 June 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheClydeCash TheClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
*[[A CWC Audition]]
*[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]

==Sauces==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGreggMays Gregg's YouTube account]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash Clyde's new YouTube account]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jmmyzlznhfa Post-date conversations] (part with Clyde begins at about 4:35)
*[http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263141624839RA18 An International Tribute to Teh Graet Clyde Cash]

{{Clyde Saga}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Cash, Clyde}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

User:Doctor Napalm

2010-05-13T06:32:29Z

Doctor Napalm:

<nowiki> The Overlook Hotel is rather quiet at this time of year.

Thankfully, Mr. Chandler and the ever valiant CWCki provide me with a veritable wellspring of entertainment.

Thus, I hereby pledge my fealty to this magnificent place, and hope to provide many years of TRUE and HONEST service.

Happy Hunting!

All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Pl- </nowiki> --[[User:Doctor Napalm|Doctor Napalm]] 06:04, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Doctor Napalm

2010-05-13T06:31:43Z

Doctor Napalm:

User:Doctor Napalm

2010-05-13T06:23:44Z

Doctor Napalm:

<nowiki> The Overlook Hotel is rather quiet at this time of year.

Thankfully, Mr. Chandler and the ever valiant CWCki provide me with a veritable wellspring of entertainment.

Thus, I hereby pledge my fealty to this magnificent place, and hope to provide many years of TRUE and HONEST service.

Happy Hunting! --[[User:Doctor Napalm|Doctor Napalm]] 06:04, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Pl- </nowiki>

User:Doctor Napalm

2010-05-13T06:22:05Z

Doctor Napalm:

<nowiki> The Overlook Hotel is rather quiet at this time of year.

Thankfully, Mr. Chandler and the ever valiant CWCki provide me with a veritable wellspring of entertainment.

Thus, I hereby pledge my fealty to this magnificent place, and hope to provide many years of ''TRUE'' and ''HONEST'' service.

Happy Hunting! --[[User:Doctor Napalm|Doctor Napalm]] 06:04, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Pl- </nowiki>

User:Doctor Napalm

2010-05-13T06:07:16Z

Doctor Napalm:

The Overlook Hotel is rather quiet at this time of year.

Thankfully, Mr. Chandler and the ever valiant CWCki provide me with a veritable wellspring of entertainment.

Thus, I hereby pledge my fealty to this magnificent place, and hope to provide many years of ''TRUE'' and ''HONEST'' service.

Happy Hunting! --[[User:Doctor Napalm|Doctor Napalm]] 06:04, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy

User:Doctor Napalm

2010-05-13T06:04:10Z

Doctor Napalm: Created page with ' The Overlook Hotel is rather quiet at this time of year. Thankfully, Mr. Chandler and the ever valiant CWCki provide me with a veritable we…'