CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:ECV 00001

2010-10-10T09:52:13Z

Doctor Nuriel: /* Spelling */

{{Not A Forum}}

Transcribed, needs tweaking on a few lines. [[User:Mupkids|Mupkids]] 18:31, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

The PSeye is needed for any of the Move games, so expect video quality to take a dive in the near future. --[[User:Captkrisma|Captkrisma]] 18:50, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

==Wikipedia==

Aside from mentioning Wikipedia, a lot of the shit he says comes right from [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|the Wikipedia Cherokee entry]]. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:58, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

== PlayStation Move? ==

As if that fat fuck is going to “move” for anything. Also, we should make a note that he spent $100 for the accessory using his [[Monthly tugboat|check meant for his “disability”]]. (Monthly tugboat tag?) --[[User:Riley_Martin|'''Uhh… this is Riley Martin.''' <sup>O-Qua Tangin Wann</sup>]] 00:16, 10 October 2010 (PDT)
:Perhaps that would be best suited for a separate [[PS Move of Fail]] page. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 00:53, 10 October 2010 (PDT)

== Spelling ==

When he spells out 'Cherokee', according to the transcription he misses an E. However, one can clearly hear that the video skips at that point- as such, while Chris certainly makes some (a lot of) errors in grammar, he got the spelling right this time. I'll be correcting the transcription now, feel free to revert it if I'm wrong about this. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 02:49, 10 October 2010 (PDT)

ECV 00001

2010-10-10T09:51:24Z

Doctor Nuriel:

[[File:CryingIndian.jpg|thumb|Iron Eyes Cody weeps from all that has been lost.]]
[[File:johnredcorn.jpg|thumb|left|John Redcorn does not approve.]]

'''ECV 00001''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 9 [[October 2010]], in which he paraphrases [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|the Wikipedia article]] about the [[Cherokee]] while dressed as what he thinks they looked like. Throughout the video, he holds a [[PlayStation]] Move controller and a matching "Navigation Controller", probably to show off his purchase in the delusion that anyone gives a shit. Chris has also returned to using his old [[PSEye]] to record this video, which causes a number of skips to occur throughout the video. Of note is how Chris is careful to elaborate how peaceful the Cherokee clan was, specifically how [[Prickly-Wicklies|war is bad]], yet he pulls a 180 near the end by stating how fierce they were and that the [[Death threats|trolls should beware.]] Chris, always sensitive to the plight of minorities, speaks in a stereotypical "kemosabe" style Indian voice until he starts talking about black people at which point he starts speaking in a hip, urban manner in order to show that he is [[Retarded|"down"]].

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = ECV 00001
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mum48216-C0}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style =
| saga =
| shirt = {{Cwcbra|text}}
| previous = [[100 2270]]
| next = [[A Hike]]
}}

=== Transcription ===
''[Chris is wearing his muscle bra with construction paper accents to give his impression of a very very [[homos|fierce]] Cherokee warrior, he has his arms crossed over his chest with a Playstation controller in each hand]''

Me noble Cherokee Man. I come to you with a brief bit of introduction to our Cherokee clan. We were a peaceful lace... peaceful race, most of our history is encrypted within Spanish history. Some of it was previously uh translated, was translated, as can— found on The Wikipedia under the term "Cherokee" C-H-E-R-O-K-''E''-''E''.

We were very peaceful, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_the_Hill I tell ya what.] We were so peaceful, that we found war activities to be a polluting activity. And we had and a whole and before it was revoked we had purity sessions of which our priests of our clans purified the warriors that went out into battle before they come into to the village and resume life there. And we were even bartered as [[Rosechu|slut]]— bartered off as slaves to the [[Virginia]] and north and northward.

And we had a whole bunch of medishin [[Tobacky|medicianal supstances]] that were created within our times by our witch doctors, which I happen to have a witch doctor. His name is on my thing there, but [[Honor_roll|I forgot memorize it.]] Which he comes from the Chandler Clan on my father's side. It was a good union, though, between my father meeting my mother for she comes from the [[Daniel Weston|English clan]], but we were here in America first and we had our own tortures. And through a whole bunch of trials and tribulations, we ended up walking the Trail Of Tears.

Which, beyond which, as we walked the trail, some of us wandered off the trail to be hidden from those that have considered us slaves. Unfortunately, thanks to our right— thanks to our guys, slavery has abolished altogether, including— including the [[Niggos|black slaves]]. Though I not say that, it was of an consasensus...

''[Chris suddenly changes from offensive Indian imitation to offensive urban patois]''

Hey, we're with you on this one dude we're with you on this one dudes. I mean, we were slaves as well back in the day. But we've managed to collect ourselves, and there only a few of us left within this America and mostly there are only partial regions with us, but there are orginisations of us Cherokees within states like Oklahoma and Tennesee. More information on this as well as our history on The Wikipedia. Also, we did go off out in battle after that practice was abolished. Of which we have purified our warriors before they could return to our village. We were fierce though. We were very very fierce. But anyway, with that, don't mess with us. For we will [[CWC is Angry|shoot you]] [[Gun Comic|down]]. Pew! ''[Pantomimes shooting a bow and arrow]''

==See also==
*[[War Paint Video]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2270]]|nextlink=[[A Hike]]}}

Talk:ECV 00001

2010-10-10T09:49:41Z

Doctor Nuriel: /* Spelling */ new section

{{Not A Forum}}

Transcribed, needs tweaking on a few lines. [[User:Mupkids|Mupkids]] 18:31, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

The PSeye is needed for any of the Move games, so expect video quality to take a dive in the near future. --[[User:Captkrisma|Captkrisma]] 18:50, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

==Wikipedia==

Aside from mentioning Wikipedia, a lot of the shit he says comes right from [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|the Wikipedia Cherokee entry]]. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:58, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

== PlayStation Move? ==

As if that fat fuck is going to “move” for anything. Also, we should make a note that he spent $100 for the accessory using his [[Monthly tugboat|check meant for his “disability”]]. (Monthly tugboat tag?) --[[User:Riley_Martin|'''Uhh… this is Riley Martin.''' <sup>O-Qua Tangin Wann</sup>]] 00:16, 10 October 2010 (PDT)
:Perhaps that would be best suited for a separate [[PS Move of Fail]] page. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 00:53, 10 October 2010 (PDT)

== Spelling ==

When he spells out 'Cherokee', according to the transcription he misses an E. However, one can clearly hear that the video skips at that point- as such, while Chris certainly makes some (a lot) of errors in grammar, he got the spelling right this time. I'll be correcting the transcription now, feel free to revert it if I'm wrong about this. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 02:49, 10 October 2010 (PDT)

Talk:For Women ONLY

2010-06-30T19:22:46Z

Doctor Nuriel: /* BALEET */ new section

{{Not A Forum}}
Ah shit here we go again.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:09, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
:It's official- FH is his new dating site. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 02:20, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
::Oh Chris, why did you have to come to Flipnote Hatena? WHY?!--[[User:Whoopwoo|Whoopwoo]] 02:40, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Can someone translate that first paragraph for the flipnote illiterate? Specifically, I have no idea what "Once again, he attempts to get others to tag in, but Chris, paragon of intelligence that he his, once again locked it." means.--[[User:Star Platinum|Star Platinum]] 02:41, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
::::I think it means that he wants others to edit it, but made it so no one can edit it.--[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 02:46, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::Yeah. Sorry I didn't make it clearer. My bad.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 02:47, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::Dammit, a 10 year old is reporting me just for trolling. Fucking little kid Twilight fangirls... --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 02:54, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::Make new account. Continue trolling.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:04, 30 June 2010 (UTC)

:Okay. Make a bet... how long until Chris makes him disgusting sex shit for one of these "girls"? A give it a month. --[[User:Espanolic|Espanolic]] 03:30, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
::Someone just reported this. Psychidelic_Leaf, to be exact. Also, watch out, folks. The mod, Hatena, is on the loose. The fag's banned me again and banned someone called Joe Saskewan just because Nintendo sponsored means "Control all language to a G rating to keep things unrealistic" in their special language --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 03:37, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Be more creative, use Thesaurus.com to find G rated insults.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:56, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Can't go in right now. It's giving me a 403, so I don't know if it's a server error or if that Hatena bastard cockblocked me from Flipnote. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 03:58, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::Proxy and then link them to the White Knight page.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 04:15, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::Any proxies that work with the comments and flipnotes? I tried an online one, didn't work. Any known servers that work with this? --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 04:50, 30 June 2010 (UTC)

== Female Reactions ==
If some of you guys look at the comments from the female users' who have made animations on Flipnote Studio, you'll see remarks such as ALEYNASAD saying, "What's going on? B(" Ghostrider saying, "I'm 14, I'm a teenager." Hydroleaf saying, "Sorry for being nosey, BUT WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Paramore saying, "is you want freakin love, go to match.com, NOT hatena, idiot. how desperate r u?" bRoOkE saying "How old r u Chirs? You look 30 or 90!" Kittyritis saying, "whut daeff?" SKULLCANDY saying "WhAt is this AnyWAy? -_-" and so on and so forth. It would be very great to document all these female responses on the CWCki for the use of lulz. Also, PLEASE DO NOT TROLL TO THE OTHER "ACTUAL" USERS OF FLIPNOTE HATENA. IT'S WASTEFUL TROLLING AND CREATES UNNEEDED CONFUSION TO THE ALREADY CONFUSED USERS. Instead, why don't we explain why we are trolling Chris to them, just keep the explanations G Rated. We don't want to get banned from Flipnote Hatena.--[[User:Whoopwoo|Whoopwoo]] 04:54, 30 June 2010 (UTC)

== BALEET ==

Now that his inappropriate (from the point of view of someone with a working brainstem, of course) flipnotes keep getting deleted, would Chris whine (which he will inevitably do) in new ones or at last make a new YouTube video? I wouldn't be surprised if he broke his internet-exile-promise by making a new YouTube account like he did before. I'd keep an eye on that. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 19:22, 30 June 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Tagged Flipnote

2010-06-28T20:34:38Z

Doctor Nuriel:

How is this any different than [[Cheesy!]]? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 01:39, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
*[[Abejita]] is uploading it [[User:Shiny|Shiny]] 01:39, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
**Oh, you changed the video. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:01, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
***Man, he is just churning these things out. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:36, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
****Must be because it's his only portal to the internet Rocky isn't monitoring (besides PSN). What was he thinking flipping it sideways? I know it wouldn't matter since you could just flip the DS, but still, there's no apparent reason for it. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:56, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
*****A couple of DS and DSI download games require you to turn the machine sideways. It's not common but it happens often enough for me to expect Chris to be aware of it.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:00, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
Ya know, it's sorta against Flipnote Hatena's policy to post a statement such as "I make women feel good." He could get banned for that. *hint hint*--[[User:Whoopwoo|Whoopwoo]] 05:16, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
*He may have mentioned making women feel good, but he never said anything about that being sexual. I think it would be better if we called him out on not saying that he is straight. --[[User:PhilRaptor|PhilRaptor]] 06:38, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
:*True, true. We'll just have to call him gay until he cracks and posts a Flipnote explaining how he loves to fuck women. THEN WE ATTACK! NO MERCEY!--[[User:Whoopwoo|Whoopwoo]] 07:09, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
**That is actually a very good idea. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 20:34, 28 June 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Fridays After Five

2010-06-19T17:37:51Z

Doctor Nuriel:

== To Do ==
I don't normally do this whole to do thing, but...
*Get a gallery of this stuff up.
*put up the video like we have all his others.
Maybe get some more background information, if we can.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:59, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
== What we can get out of this ==
These files prove that Chris is actuaññy going to more social evenn its, influenced by rocky, but also we learned that he is creepy enough to wear his bra in public and he still dances like a turkey mating. Considering the bra is more like a "sign" of some sorts, could this be added into the "love quest" page?.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 01:55, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:This latest turn of events has proven that Chris trolls himself harder than anyone else ever could. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:58, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
Chris is actually going out now, huh? I think it's clear it won't work and once Chris realizes this he'll be back to his old self again. Come to think of it, we could use this video to give him a false sense of paranoia, by claiming we have people following him. This could get us a nice reaction.--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 02:10, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

You know, the last time he was out this much was during his love quest, getting his ass kicked by jerkops and manajerks in the real world. Perhaps we can start seeing something similar in the near future? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:17, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

We can hope. In the meantime I called Chris and left a message saying that the trolls are now stalking him in real life now, going with Hirro's idea to give him paranoia. I figure we can try scaring him back onto the internet. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:24, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:I also sent him an e-mail message linking to the videos recorded of him at the event with the subject stating that he was being followed. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 02:27, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Yay~ People liked my idea. But if we're going with it, we'll need more sightings. Also, Independence day surprise?--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 05:52, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Yes... he truly has nowhere to run now. And I hope Clyde hasn't forgotten his promise for an Independence Day surprise. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:28, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:I completely forgot about that [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 04:00, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

He had better not have forgotten it. Because if he does, I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! Seriously though. We need a PS3 hacking. Soon. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:30, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all thank our greatest operative, Rochelle Shoemaker, for this bounty of lulz.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 02:36, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Good thing this happened. Now to wait for him to check his e-mail, then my crazed troll plan will start... --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the Trollish]] 02:48, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

* I love how the first thing that popped into everyone's mind was "Gay Trucker"... That alone will be enough for Chris to loose his shit. On a side note, Chris now officially fails at dancing and public decency (If wearing a shirt that says "I love vagina" to a family event doesn't do it, I don't know what does) --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 22:53, 18 June 2010 (EST)
**/me waits for the cops to knock at his door... [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the HAHAHA]] 03:05, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Heh, this might have something to do with an email I sent him. I suggested he check out [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_Punk Desert Punk] It's about a lecherous twat who's obsessed with getting laid, but women find him rude and repulsive. It's got plenty of fan service though, and the main character, despite being depicted as a loser when it comes to sex, is still standard anime fare badass-goofy (like Vash the Stampede in Trigun) so it should appeal to him. There is one story element that I was hoping Chris would see and not go over his head, the introduction of the loli character. To quote the wiki article
:"Kosuna is the former apprentice of the Shimmer Sniper. Her goal is to become the desert's number one "power babe" mercenary, meaning stronger than any man and more beautiful than any woman. After the Shimmer Sniper is defeated by Kanta, Kosuna follows him and constantly begs to be made his apprentice. Kanta highly objects at first but eventually accepts her after she shows him a picture of a large breasted woman Kosuna claims to be her mother, implying how attractive Kosuna would be in years to come. Kanta, a heavily perverted guy, can't help but accept her, though his personal motives are clearly to groom Kosuna to be his personal mate when she grows up."
Sounds like building a sweetheart from the ground up, 'eh? I never got a reply, despite sending it to his gmail, aol, and youtube accounts. If he did read it and check it out, this could be indicative of his apparent courtship of little girls. --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 04:51, 18 June 2010 (UTC)
:He wasn't courting little girls, the girls got near him because he had a DS and they wanted to play it too. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 04:54, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::In that pic, maybe. Why else would he boogie down surrounded by delicious loli while wearing his new "attraction ensemble"? --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:02, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:::You're putting way too much thought into this. Chris isn't a pedophile, he's just really, really stupid and socially inept. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 05:17, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Neither was that character. Another episode had them sharing a sleeping bag the survive a cold desert night, and he freaked out. The intent is for Chris to get the idea that creating a close bond with one or a harem of loli will enable him to brainwash the little tykes into something he can fuck in a few years. The deviousness comes from the fact that Chris is incapable understanding boundaries and his idea that showing minors porn is "educational". --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:23, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Oh god, this was creepy. Spotting him amongst the crowd was like watching those 'Slender Man' videos, only it was insanely easy to find the horror. I think this proves that, when left to his own devices, Chris A) Acts more like a dumbass than ever before, or B) Gets himself into trouble with the law. I was afraid he was going to try to murder someone, but this proves he's a perfectly healthy human being. Also, I hope the little girl in the photo said 'no' when he likely offered her candy. --[[User:Inferno232|Inferno232]] 19 June 2010

:You know what Chris? Stay off the internet. You're even more of a lolcow in real life. Seriously, this is hilariously creepy and awesome. Definitely add this into the Love Quest page, because his crappy "Captain Morgan" pose in multiple different places with his... bra sign... cruelly in plain sight of everyone is an obvious extension of his love search. Except I think the Gameboy and sign was slightly better for him, because at least then he could get sympathy. This is literally indecent and just disgusting. I'm a fat guy myself, and I'd never even consider just randomly taking my shirt off in a public place. Let alone if I was wearing a bra...([[User:KingoftheJuice|KingoftheJuice]] 05:58, 19 June 2010 (UTC))

== Started a video box. ==

Added the 100_0690.MOV thru 100_0692.MOV as a starter. [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the still HAHAHA]] 04:23, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

==Why show his bra?==

Clearly, Chris doesn't have any compunctions about proving to the world that he wears women's underwear because he's a retard, but being that this was clearly a family event and he was wearing a shirt about pussy, could Jerkops have made him change? Any way of knowing? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 05:38, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

:If he keeps coming back and someone complains, it's likely the jerkops will intervene. And this time, in front of hundreds of witnesses. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 05:51, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
* I would say, with something like this, Jerkops could have gotten him to change the shirt easily, though if this was a free event, which I wouldn't be surprised at all, they probably wouldn't fully enforce it. The bra, on the other hand, is completely different. If a woman was running around in her bra, yes, they would stop her, but this is ''Chris'' we're talking about here. Since he's a guy, I'm guessing they don't see many guys running around in bras, so they wouldn't think twice.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:56, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
Can't he be charged for indecent exposure or dissorderly conduct or something?--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]]
* Probably not, since he's not actually indecently exposing anything. It's not illegal as far as I know for a man to go around shirtless, and this seems to be more of an outdoor community street fair, so I don't think policies like that can really be enforced. Even if they were, he's not technically shirtless, since he's wearing a bra. But he should definitely have to change the shirt, with so many little kids around. Well, at least it's better than the Mount and Dew Me one. Seeing as that one is a legitimately homosexual t-shirt. ([[User:KingoftheJuice|KingoftheJuice]] 06:02, 19 June 2010 (UTC))

== The innocent ==

The girl's face is blocked in the cropped photo but the one in the gallery remains clear. What's the policy then? [[User:Nechita|Nechita]] 06:35, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

It's a joke--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 06:48, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== There are more photos ==

Post them all. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 10:18, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
*[[CWCki:DOITFAGGOT|Get to it then]] :p. Also, we need an uncensored version of that one with the kid. Justification - 1) whoever made the set ("Archie Bunker") would have censored it if he felt like it was a concern for the child, 2) a child's privacy is probably not going to be threatened by inclusion in a picture, 3) I can't think of any troll who is obsessed enough to track down a girl who look at Chris in a picture just to get info or whatever from her. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:03, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::Also it's badly edited - looks terrible. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:45, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== Pokéwalker? ==

What the hell does he use that for?--[[User:OrsonZedd|OrsonZedd]] 14:16, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

I played a downloaded version of Heartgold so I didn't get one, but it's my understanding that you put one of your pokemon in it or onto it and when you walk around it gives the pokemon xp. So, he uses it to level up his pokemon. --[[User:Hellion|masta beta alum]] 14:29, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:According to [[Wikipedia:Nintendo_DS_accessories#Pok.C3.A9walker|Wikipedia]]:
:''The Pokéwalker is a Poké Ball-shaped pedometer which can connect to Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver game cards via infrared signals. The player can transfer a Pokémon to the Pokéwalker from either HeartGold or SoulSilver. Every time the player takes a step, the Pokémon inside gains experience points and the player earns "Watts", a type of in-game currency which was also used on the Pokémon Pikachu virtual pet. Players can also catch various Pokémon on the device and obtain items, then transfer them to the game. The device comes bundled with the games.''
--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:19, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== I can't believe it ==
Why is he wearing a manbra with writing. and WHY hasnt the police arrested him or something for doing that.
T_T The poor children are scared....especially when he dances with em, what a PEDOFORK. >.<
[[User:BabyNeko|BabyNeko]]

* As long as he isn't causing a problem with it the messages on his clothing are technically covered by the first amendment. At least if it's on public property. ---[[User:ConCat|ConCat]] 15:42, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== This is fucking hilarious ==

It's true... Chris trolls himself harder than we do.

I say we leave him off the internet for a while and observe him, see if he does more dumb shit. If not (or nothing out of the ordinary), we can always get him back with Hiiro's plan of making him paranoid. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 17:37, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Fridays After Five

2010-06-19T17:37:00Z

Doctor Nuriel: /* This is fucking hilarious */ new section

== To Do ==
I don't normally do this whole to do thing, but...
*Get a gallery of this stuff up.
*put up the video like we have all his others.
Maybe get some more background information, if we can.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:59, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
== What we can get out of this ==
These files prove that Chris is actuaññy going to more social evenn its, influenced by rocky, but also we learned that he is creepy enough to wear his bra in public and he still dances like a turkey mating. Considering the bra is more like a "sign" of some sorts, could this be added into the "love quest" page?.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 01:55, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:This latest turn of events has proven that Chris trolls himself harder than anyone else ever could. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:58, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
Chris is actually going out now, huh? I think it's clear it won't work and once Chris realizes this he'll be back to his old self again. Come to think of it, we could use this video to give him a false sense of paranoia, by claiming we have people following him. This could get us a nice reaction.--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 02:10, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

You know, the last time he was out this much was during his love quest, getting his ass kicked by jerkops and manajerks in the real world. Perhaps we can start seeing something similar in the near future? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:17, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

We can hope. In the meantime I called Chris and left a message saying that the trolls are now stalking him in real life now, going with Hirro's idea to give him paranoia. I figure we can try scaring him back onto the internet. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:24, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:I also sent him an e-mail message linking to the videos recorded of him at the event with the subject stating that he was being followed. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 02:27, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Yay~ People liked my idea. But if we're going with it, we'll need more sightings. Also, Independence day surprise?--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 05:52, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Yes... he truly has nowhere to run now. And I hope Clyde hasn't forgotten his promise for an Independence Day surprise. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:28, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:I completely forgot about that [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 04:00, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

He had better not have forgotten it. Because if he does, I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! Seriously though. We need a PS3 hacking. Soon. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:30, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all thank our greatest operative, Rochelle Shoemaker, for this bounty of lulz.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 02:36, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Good thing this happened. Now to wait for him to check his e-mail, then my crazed troll plan will start... --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the Trollish]] 02:48, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

* I love how the first thing that popped into everyone's mind was "Gay Trucker"... That alone will be enough for Chris to loose his shit. On a side note, Chris now officially fails at dancing and public decency (If wearing a shirt that says "I love vagina" to a family event doesn't do it, I don't know what does) --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 22:53, 18 June 2010 (EST)
**/me waits for the cops to knock at his door... [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the HAHAHA]] 03:05, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Heh, this might have something to do with an email I sent him. I suggested he check out [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_Punk Desert Punk] It's about a lecherous twat who's obsessed with getting laid, but women find him rude and repulsive. It's got plenty of fan service though, and the main character, despite being depicted as a loser when it comes to sex, is still standard anime fare badass-goofy (like Vash the Stampede in Trigun) so it should appeal to him. There is one story element that I was hoping Chris would see and not go over his head, the introduction of the loli character. To quote the wiki article
:"Kosuna is the former apprentice of the Shimmer Sniper. Her goal is to become the desert's number one "power babe" mercenary, meaning stronger than any man and more beautiful than any woman. After the Shimmer Sniper is defeated by Kanta, Kosuna follows him and constantly begs to be made his apprentice. Kanta highly objects at first but eventually accepts her after she shows him a picture of a large breasted woman Kosuna claims to be her mother, implying how attractive Kosuna would be in years to come. Kanta, a heavily perverted guy, can't help but accept her, though his personal motives are clearly to groom Kosuna to be his personal mate when she grows up."
Sounds like building a sweetheart from the ground up, 'eh? I never got a reply, despite sending it to his gmail, aol, and youtube accounts. If he did read it and check it out, this could be indicative of his apparent courtship of little girls. --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 04:51, 18 June 2010 (UTC)
:He wasn't courting little girls, the girls got near him because he had a DS and they wanted to play it too. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 04:54, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::In that pic, maybe. Why else would he boogie down surrounded by delicious loli while wearing his new "attraction ensemble"? --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:02, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:::You're putting way too much thought into this. Chris isn't a pedophile, he's just really, really stupid and socially inept. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 05:17, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Neither was that character. Another episode had them sharing a sleeping bag the survive a cold desert night, and he freaked out. The intent is for Chris to get the idea that creating a close bond with one or a harem of loli will enable him to brainwash the little tykes into something he can fuck in a few years. The deviousness comes from the fact that Chris is incapable understanding boundaries and his idea that showing minors porn is "educational". --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:23, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Oh god, this was creepy. Spotting him amongst the crowd was like watching those 'Slender Man' videos, only it was insanely easy to find the horror. I think this proves that, when left to his own devices, Chris A) Acts more like a dumbass than ever before, or B) Gets himself into trouble with the law. I was afraid he was going to try to murder someone, but this proves he's a perfectly healthy human being. Also, I hope the little girl in the photo said 'no' when he likely offered her candy. --[[User:Inferno232|Inferno232]] 19 June 2010

:You know what Chris? Stay off the internet. You're even more of a lolcow in real life. Seriously, this is hilariously creepy and awesome. Definitely add this into the Love Quest page, because his crappy "Captain Morgan" pose in multiple different places with his... bra sign... cruelly in plain sight of everyone is an obvious extension of his love search. Except I think the Gameboy and sign was slightly better for him, because at least then he could get sympathy. This is literally indecent and just disgusting. I'm a fat guy myself, and I'd never even consider just randomly taking my shirt off in a public place. Let alone if I was wearing a bra...([[User:KingoftheJuice|KingoftheJuice]] 05:58, 19 June 2010 (UTC))

== Started a video box. ==

Added the 100_0690.MOV thru 100_0692.MOV as a starter. [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the still HAHAHA]] 04:23, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

==Why show his bra?==

Clearly, Chris doesn't have any compunctions about proving to the world that he wears women's underwear because he's a retard, but being that this was clearly a family event and he was wearing a shirt about pussy, could Jerkops have made him change? Any way of knowing? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 05:38, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

:If he keeps coming back and someone complains, it's likely the jerkops will intervene. And this time, in front of hundreds of witnesses. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 05:51, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
* I would say, with something like this, Jerkops could have gotten him to change the shirt easily, though if this was a free event, which I wouldn't be surprised at all, they probably wouldn't fully enforce it. The bra, on the other hand, is completely different. If a woman was running around in her bra, yes, they would stop her, but this is ''Chris'' we're talking about here. Since he's a guy, I'm guessing they don't see many guys running around in bras, so they wouldn't think twice.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:56, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
Can't he be charged for indecent exposure or dissorderly conduct or something?--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]]
* Probably not, since he's not actually indecently exposing anything. It's not illegal as far as I know for a man to go around shirtless, and this seems to be more of an outdoor community street fair, so I don't think policies like that can really be enforced. Even if they were, he's not technically shirtless, since he's wearing a bra. But he should definitely have to change the shirt, with so many little kids around. Well, at least it's better than the Mount and Dew Me one. Seeing as that one is a legitimately homosexual t-shirt. ([[User:KingoftheJuice|KingoftheJuice]] 06:02, 19 June 2010 (UTC))

== The innocent ==

The girl's face is blocked in the cropped photo but the one in the gallery remains clear. What's the policy then? [[User:Nechita|Nechita]] 06:35, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

It's a joke--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 06:48, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== There are more photos ==

Post them all. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 10:18, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
*[[CWCki:DOITFAGGOT|Get to it then]] :p. Also, we need an uncensored version of that one with the kid. Justification - 1) whoever made the set ("Archie Bunker") would have censored it if he felt like it was a concern for the child, 2) a child's privacy is probably not going to be threatened by inclusion in a picture, 3) I can't think of any troll who is obsessed enough to track down a girl who look at Chris in a picture just to get info or whatever from her. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:03, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::Also it's badly edited - looks terrible. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:45, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== Pokéwalker? ==

What the hell does he use that for?--[[User:OrsonZedd|OrsonZedd]] 14:16, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

I played a downloaded version of Heartgold so I didn't get one, but it's my understanding that you put one of your pokemon in it or onto it and when you walk around it gives the pokemon xp. So, he uses it to level up his pokemon. --[[User:Hellion|masta beta alum]] 14:29, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:According to [[Wikipedia:Nintendo_DS_accessories#Pok.C3.A9walker|Wikipedia]]:
:''The Pokéwalker is a Poké Ball-shaped pedometer which can connect to Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver game cards via infrared signals. The player can transfer a Pokémon to the Pokéwalker from either HeartGold or SoulSilver. Every time the player takes a step, the Pokémon inside gains experience points and the player earns "Watts", a type of in-game currency which was also used on the Pokémon Pikachu virtual pet. Players can also catch various Pokémon on the device and obtain items, then transfer them to the game. The device comes bundled with the games.''
--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:19, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== I can't believe it ==
Why is he wearing a manbra with writing. and WHY hasnt the police arrested him or something for doing that.
T_T The poor children are scared....especially when he dances with em, what a PEDOFORK. >.<
[[User:BabyNeko|BabyNeko]]

* As long as he isn't causing a problem with it the messages on his clothing are technically covered by the first amendment. At least if it's on public property. ---[[User:ConCat|ConCat]] 15:42, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== This is fucking hilarious ==

It's true... Chris trolls himself harder than we do.

I say we leave him off the internet for a while and observe him, see if he does more dumb shit. If not (or nothing out of the ordinary), we can always get him back with Hiiro's plan of making him paranoid.

== This is fucking hilarious ==

It's true... Chris trolls himself harder than we do.

I say we leave him off the internet for a while and observe him, see if he does more dumb shit. If not (or nothing out of the ordinary), we can always get him back with Hiiro's plan of making him paranoid. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 17:37, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Fridays After Five

2010-06-19T17:36:46Z

Doctor Nuriel: /* This is fucking hilarious */ new section

Chris and sex

2010-02-28T18:37:14Z

Doctor Nuriel:

{{Honest}}
{{oversized}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sex''' (aka "hanky panky"), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO around age 16. He views pornographic films as "educational" and regularly purchases [[sex toys]] from AdamEve.com.

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about sexual terminology. While he ''may'' have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. Chris repeatedly refers to women as the "opposite gender" as opposed to "opposite sex." By definition, "gender" refers to the personality of a person, while "sex" refers to the physiology or genetics of a person. So a request from Chris for love from the opposite gender, is an open invitation to MTF trannies. In [[Sonichu 9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if females are from another planet, they are still classified as ''[[Homo]] sapiens'', just like men.

In his world, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful...sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate".<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> He claims he learned everything from simply watching porn and hentai, and basic high school sex education. Who would think that such art forms could be this beneficial? This thinking has certainly worked wonders for Chris, who now believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex. And, he has a subscription to ''Playboy''!

Chris also suffers from the delusion that his [[duck|penis]] is [[Giant Penis Comic|huge]]. Unfamiliar with the concept of "inconsistency," he'll still claim the former. He also has a flaccidity problem, which is possibly a hormonal pathology or [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]]. Despite this obvious lack of virility, he is still a stud in his own mind.

Chris has advised little children to play with the opposite gender's toys. According to him, boys should get [[My Little Pony]]s, and girls ought to go for [[Transformers]], all to better understand the opposite gender.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref> Go ahead, take advice from a 28-year-old virgin retard (seriously, don't). In his [[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]] comic, the teacher gave boys "Barbara" dolls, while the girls received "Robert" dolls. Disturbingly enough, these are the names of his parents. This is consistent with Freudian psychology - to a child, their parents are their model for sexual relationships. Of course, Chris's selfish ass doesn't realize that not everyone is lucky (if you could call it that) enough to have parents like his.

Among other views of gender, Chris reveals a lot of sexist tendencies. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are already paired up, lesbians, or distracted with shopping. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit]] mixed with [[AXE]]. This view is supported by [[Barbara]], who tells him how handsome and special he is, and how the girls won't be able to keep their hands off him. He obviously doesn't realize that all parents think their kids are the most beautiful little snowflakes in the world, and probably still sees her as an unbiased source for compliments.

To further reiterate just how straight he is, Chris released his infamous [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|dildo crushing video]], featuring a sign on the back of his foot — which he uses to proclaim that HE IS STRAIGHT for the 9001st time — containing a crude drawing of a female body, consisting of breasts and a hairy vagina. Because this is what all straight men do to assert their heterosexuality.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? LOL. I mean ''really''? In a ''children's'' comic? 'Cuz they know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Christian bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes[…]"). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew straight over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Christian Bible also frowns upon pornographers and sodomites, both sins of which he is guilty and holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la Onan (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen|navy]], or just is simply too retarded to figure out that masturbation ''itself'' is the sin, not spilling your DNA. Whatever the reason, it's hilarious. It should also be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[Crystal|children]]. He also believes that premarital sex is okay as long as he's wearing a condom, because that means there will be a barrier between his [[duck]] and her [[china]]. Again, he doesn't understand that the sex itself is the sin, and not whether they're touching or not.

Despite being told many a time about these fallacies, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to a very liberal church, and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]]. When Chris has confronted Rocky about passages quoted to him by the trolls, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine. He can't hold a conservative view of homosexuality and a liberal view of fornication at the same time. Some might call this doublethink, but those who know better know it's just Chris being too retarded to understand hypocrisy.

In fact, Chris seems to consider a women sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on internet [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)|the video of his first full sexual intercourse]]. When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|hide cameras, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public]]. This brazen attitude toward women only validates us with an image of what a woman is for Chris: a [[Megan Schroeder|living, sentient sex-toy]] existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. Since Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo), Chris assumes that it's perfectly normal for a man to ride on top, lean forward, and moan while calling out his partner's name.

Chris's view of cunnilingus involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

Chris having sex also involves shouting his lover's name (JUUULAAAAAAY!!!) in the same way an adolescent would shout out "PENIS" during the Penis Game — again, copying what he sees in porn. Chris constantly speaks in a monotone yet high pitched and feminine voice, without any real feeling.

Chris takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent duck, fat ass, lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See also [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

Chris apparently thinks that homosexuality is contagious. He feels that spending time with men will turn him gay, so he insists on only having female friends ([[gal pal]]s). He admitted to using a ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' poster to stay straight. When he met a gay friend of [[Megan]]'s, he became hostile. In his apology letter to Megan, he had this to say:

{{quote|Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."'| Chris, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*" , Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm)}}

Chris's answers to [[Mailbag|fan mail]] suggest that he is bombarded by constant homoerotic thoughts and uses several unhealthy coping methods to suppress them:

{{quote|Although the gender change would be my "rather-to-do" over becoming a homo, but in your case, I would suggest looking at women more, fantasize yourself with their breasts and pussys [sic]; do this continuously. Hypnotize yourself; every time you have a homo thought, you will feel like you are being shocked by lightning and that it really hurts. And every time you fantasize women, breasts and pussy, you will feel calm, relaxed and good. But DO NOT hurt yourself physically for real; that would be really bad. In other words, you would be reprogramming your brain. | Chris, [[Mailbag 3]]}}

{{quote|First off, should such images enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever. | Chris, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC fan chat]], Chris went so far as wanting to make homosexuality illegal:
{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls".|Chris, 02 January 09, 11:59}}

When asked how he would go about this, he commented that homosexuals would be "taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]" and that "prisons will no longer be divided between gender." Take a moment to consider how twisted that would be. He justifies this by saying that "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." Apparently lazy, greedy, sexually lascivious, vengeful retards who wish damnation upon others are all part of God's divine plan.

Chris also believes his "straight" blood could be used to engineer some kind of anti-gay vaccine:

{{quote|Spoiler Alert: In the comic, during my time in the void, I end up at a later year when scientists have truly isolated the Homo Gene, and needed to isolate the Straight Gene to make the Vaccine. I Personally Volunter [sic] a bit of my blood, they find the Straight Gene, and I take a couple of syringes with me back into the void on my trek back to my time. Guess who will be the first to be injected and transformed back to his past self Permanently... [[Reldnahc]]. I took two syringes for in case one of them breaks or gets lost.| Chris, [[Mailbag 1]]}}

The true irony of Chris' homophobia lies in his own logic. Chris hates [[Jerks|every male on the face of the earth]] save his [[Bob Chandler|father]] due to numerous rejections from women, under the guise of them already having boyfriends. [[Dating education|Completely confident]] that he is a perfect Adonis and that there must be some other reason women reject him, Chris took their statements to heart and came up with the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]. Now, if the the entire gay community were strapped down and tortured into being straight, Chris' already pathetically slim chances of finding a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] rocket down another notch, increasing the manchild's chances of dying alone, and the Gene Pool taking a step forward.

TL;DR: Chris want to force all men into being straight, even though it would be a step back for rational society, and — even by his own standards — bad for him.

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is asexual, and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with females means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is a homo deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?

* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most men masturbate daily, sometimes more.

* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most men figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.

* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).

* Going with the above, in the ''[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]'', Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "hanky panky" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [Emphasis added] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally ''not'' perverted and sexist.

* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, one should consider the fact that some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, autistic and hugbox inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). Chris could very well not be genuinely interested in sex not due to asexuality, but because he genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. Just wait until he finds out that's not the definition of adulthood, that growing up brings things like responsibility, along with the expectation that you'll be able to support yourself and others, and have meaningful relationships. Don't worry, he won't. He never learns.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

==Pedophilia==
[[Image:ChrisChanDamageControl.jpg|thumb|right|250px|"I AM NOT A PEDOFORK, YOU DORKS!"]]
To avoid looking like a pedophile, Chris made an announcement before [[Sonichu 8|issue 8]] that he was changing the ages of the characters so they could all legally have sex (in Virginia, at least. The age of consent for most states is 16). While retconning a character's age is hardly unusual, it's obvious in this case that he did it just so his recolors could have sexual relations — after all, why else would he make such a big announcement about retconning anyway?

Although the Sonichu series was originally intended for children, he put a bunch of porn into issue 8. This included (but was not limited to) graphic depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu having sex, and multiple instances of Rosechu stripping naked. One of the most notorious sequences came near the end of episode 17, where Rosechu face-raped [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to a near-death state after he taunted her by throwing a pickle at her. Also, towards the end of episode 17, an [[Zapina|anthropomorphic lightning bug]] exclaims "I've just turned 14-years cute!!!" and wishes to assist [[Rosechu]] in making porn for "[[women's rights]]." Rosechu says "I don't know child, what with the dumb laws." This quote is a good indicator that [[Pedofork|Chris believes the legal age should be lower.]] This belief was later confirmed in one of Chris's responses to [[troll|fan]] mail in [[Mailbag 3#Plush boobs and pedoforks|Mailbag 3]], where he states that if given the power, he would change the age of consent in America to "Sweet 16", making it "another good reason it would be a 'Sweet' age." He is obviously unaware that age of consent is controlled by the state, and most states already have it set at 16 or 17. But in Virginia, it's 18. He also believes that kids can participate in "adult" activities, like perverse satires with adult themes and making a porno, as long as there's adult supervision.

All of his attempts at a classified ad for himself always start with "I'm looking for an 18-2X boyfriend free girl…" At his age, being seen with a woman almost a decade younger than him would be considered socially unacceptable and downright creepy, based on the "half-your-age-plus-seven" tradition. Of course, Chris doesn't understand social mores regarding age differences, so to him, if she's legal and breathing, she's fit as a sexual partner. This, of course, may lead one to ask how low he'd go. If the legal age were, for example, 14, would he instead be saying "I'm looking for an 14-27 year old boyfriend-free girl…"?

In addition, Chris notoriously had sex with [[Kimmi]], an anime blow up doll that looks underage. He maintains that he stays straight by looking at a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]], which features said character and her 8 year old daughter from the future, and when he was editing his [[ED]] article in his favor, one of his accounts had underage porn featured prominently on the user page. Most of the underage porn from this user page, along with a few other pieces of pornographic art chosen by him (which, ironically enough, includes Pedobear… ''twice'') would reappear in the "elevator gag" in Sonichu #8. One might argue that because of his notoriously bad facial recognition, he might not realize how young they actually are. But as mentioned in the [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]], he is quite good at age recognition (a talent common among autistics). This obviously brings up many questions.

Chris also harbors a longing for 17-year-old [[Megan|Megan Griffin]] from [[Family Guy]], and even had a video in the favorites of his old YouTube account depicting her with inflatable breasts.{{cite}} His ED user page had a picture of her, proclaiming he would be more than willing to be her boyfriend. When he began to be harassed about being a pedophile, he changed it to say, "I'll be your boyfriend, 18-year-old Megan Griffin." Smooth, Chris. [[fail|''Reeeeeeal'' smooth]]. This took on a whole new level when he openly proclaimed a desire to have sex with Megan, though he kept himself in check enough to ask that the writers of Family Guy at least [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|age her to 18 before he somehow has sex with her]].

To be fair, there is evidence to suggest that even Chris has '''some''' degree of an age limit. In one of [[Chris-chan Discusses...|Guru Larry's Interviews]] with him, Chris reacted in somewhat shock when Larry mentioned how another internet lolcow, [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Spax3 Spax3], allegedly has a crush on Cream the Rabbit, a six-year-old character from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] series. Now this shock could mean that he looks down on someone going after someone so young or it could just be shock that someone shares a [[Love Quest|common interest]] with him... In addition to his shock he stated that [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|bestiality]] is wrong, but of course he didn't mention the age factor. Whether this means Chris doesn't mind that or whether he's just an idiot (or [[For Julie's Eyes Only|both]]) is up for debate, but keep in mind his own original character [[Rosechu]] is based off [[Amy Rose]], another character from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, and one who is only twelve years old in canon.<ref>http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Amy_Rose</ref>

It's possible Chris only cares about getting his [[china]], and not so much how old it is. Then again, he doesn't ask for girls any older than him on his [[sign]], so clearly he [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|likes 'em young]], so to speak. But this also might be a throwback from his "old-fashioned" rearing, which demands that the woman must be younger.

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

Some argue that he only said that so he could get to [[PandaHalo|Panda's]] sweet china. But still — dude would have sexual intercourse with a dog.

Chris is a notorious furry, as he has used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|some]] [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|exceptions]], but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He most likely doesn't know what a furry is. Another possible theory is, knowing the [[Chris and hypocrisy|level of maturity]] Chris displays every day, he's unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "china," "duck," etc.). For this [[Autism|retarded]] reason, the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material while not really presenting anything.

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself with his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that Brian from [[Family Guy]] be paired up with a 'any sexy breed' of dog.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch[sic] on Craigslist, the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about Jack and my PSN account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time}}

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked PlayStation Network accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a Virgin with Rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

==Chris and rape==
{{Quote|I would appreciate it if I was FULLY UNDERSTOOD as the Noble Gentleman that I am.|Chris, a man that groped a [[Kacey|woman]] the first time he met her.}}
As Chris's sexual frustrations continue to build and build, some observers have raised the unsettling question of whether he might try to force himself on a woman. The possibility does seem real - his relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]] provides many examples of his inability to understand the importance of respecting physical boundaries and the simple fact that "no means no."

Thanks to his characteristic lack of empathy, Chris has almost no grasp on how emotional and physical intimacies develop in the real-world. [[Anime]] and porn have taught him all the wrong lessons — he assumes that sex is something that just happens, and usually sooner rather than later. He quite literally follows the saying "rape is how they say 'hello' in Japan". Being a retard, he assumes that not only is that true, but that it applies to Western culture as well. He took it as a given that Megan would put out if he won the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] contest and took her to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]. In his conversations with [[Vivian Gee]], he professed a belief that sex automatically happens after the [[third date]]. During his feud with [[CChanSonichuCWC]], he seemed to think that he’d be able to get some if he lured his rival's girlfriend [[Kacey]] to his house, and never mind that she'd probably be able to tell the difference between Chris and her ''real'' boyfriend. This is him again believing that everyone is as stupid and terrible with faces as he is.

Whether Chris understands rape as a concept is up for debate. He claims that he knows what rape is, but at the very least, his self-absorption and lack of empathy mean that he doesn't understand the gravity of rape, or its long-term consequences for the victim. It is possible that the only reason he knows anything about rape is through porn, where it isn't portrayed as bad, and the girl always ends up enjoying it in the end.

As stated above, Chris has claimed that in his ideal world, homosexuals would be ''"taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]"''and that ''"prisons will no longer be divided between gender."'' It is unknown if Chris would obtain permission from the women before putting them to work "reprogramming" gay men, but the fact that he specifies prison inmates seems to imply that he doesn't expect the women to cooperate willingly. The fact that he believes prisons being co-ed would reduce the incidence of homosexuality shows that he is, on some level, aware that homosexual sex and rape occurs in prison, but he doesn't specify whether integration would allow men and women to have consensual relations or just shift the rape from male on male to male on female.

When [[IRC_(21_January_2009)|confronted with the news]] that his sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] had been raped by [[Clyde Cash]] and become pregnant as a result, Chris was easily distracted from the emotional impact of what had happened, and instead focused most of his attention on what kind of domestic arrangements would result, or whether he might have to forego his trip to Nintendo of America headquarters in order to pay for an abortion. His first reaction was to tell her that he wouldn't blame her or "hold it against [her]". Any woman assumes as long as her mate isn't a misogynistic asshole that he wouldn't blame her, and being "reassured" of such isn't exactly comforting or helpful. Chris was even willing to accept the mind-boggling possibility that Panda might want to live with Clyde, and raise her child alongside him.

While [[IRC (23 July 2009)|pretending to be a troll]] in an IRC conversation, Chris suggested twice that the trolls should instigate him to rape [[Rocky]]. What this says about Chris, be it that he actually wants to rape Rocky and then use the trolls as a convenient scapegoat ("They made me do it!"), or that he is particularly awful at bluffing, remains a mystery.

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris reveals that he had traveled forward in time and, aside from finding the cure for homosexuality, he also meets his "future wife", whom he rapes. More specifically, she thinks that Christian is his future self (of course, seeing how rapidly Chris appears to be aging now that he's dealing with the [[stress]] of everyone on the internet hating him, that seems unlikely) and proceeds to invite him home for some sexing. Chris seems to think that there's nothing wrong with having sex with a woman if she thinks you're someone you're not. Chris falls back on the old standby, "if she didn't say no, it's not rape." Like his stance on [[Women's Rights]], where he maintains he's not a chauvinist because he'd never physically abuse a woman, Chris fails to realize that there's more to it than that.

In his video [[IPods Down and Listen Up]], Chis went as far as literally "singing" about sexual assault with him as the "star" rapist. The lyrics describe the victim as a "[[Niggos|sleek, sexy panther]]" whom he fails to ambush as she flees. Then [[Sonichu's Edge|he chases her]], wear her out and, in his own words, ''"...You take it like a gal (gal), and then we pump (pump-pump, pump) ..."'' until impregnation. Then he describes his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|bastard children]]. There's nothing more [[Hello, Juffalo|sickening than this]].

In the face all these foreboding implications, however, it helps to keep a few practical facts in mind. Chris is a [[Chris and health|physically decrepit]] coward with an incredibly low threshold of pain. If he ever attempted to assault a woman, he probably wouldn’t get very far. For the sake of all involved, anyway, let's hope so. This is assuming that he doesn't squash her first with his [[obesity|massive girth]], in which case, there would be a problem.

== TL;DR ==
Chris is about as straight as his [[duck]].

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L

2010-01-16T17:07:14Z

Doctor Nuriel:

What.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 00:45, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

What.--[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 00:52, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Tahw.--[[User:Jump|Jump]] 00:59, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Que.--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 02:38, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Ejsy.--[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 03:34, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

74H\/\/.--[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 05:36, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Since the title is pretty hard to search, and it's kind of a quick addendum to the [[15 January 2010]] video, should we merge this into that article, or possibly rename it to something like "Love Sonichu and Hate Asperchu?" [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 01:16, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
:* What if we just redirect it. Does the searchbox even display redirects?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:47, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

How high are the chances that he saw [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Kids_on_the_Blecch this episode] and thought that it really works?--[[User:Yawn|Yawn]] 2:07, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
:* I'd bet you're right on the money with that guess. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 05:09, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

So. ... yeah. Too bad coordinating an entire "that new video gave me a stroke/made me loathe Sonichu for some reason/was transparently idiotic" mailbag would be counterintuitive and still reinforce his belief he has magic powers. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 03:07, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

I has a sinking feeling that he watched dora the explorer before filming this --[[User:Briscoe|Briscoe]] 7:30 PM, 1/12/09
:* Dora the Explorer? Part of me is dreading he's heard of [[Wikipedia:Zatanna|Zatanna]]--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 03:49, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
::* I doubt he's familiar enough, if at all, with that character to know about the backwards-spell thing. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 06:39, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Uh, did he yank this one? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:13, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

This is one of the more surreal things I've seen in quite a while. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 06:39, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L. U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L. U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L. U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L. U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L. --[[User:Ronichu]] 16:51, 16 January 2010 (Australian CST)

==Chris's Backwards "L337"==

Even if Chris weren't trying to pass his backwards "L337" off as Spanish, it would be hard to understand, since his L337 is almost entirely wrong. For simplicity's sake, let's pretend that Chris had at least written his two word-phrases forwards. Even in that case, he'd have written "HATEASPERCHU" as "8A73A2P34C8U" when it should read "H47345P3RCHU", and he'd have written "LOVESONICHU" as "L0V320N1C8U" when it should read "L0V350N1CHU". I mean, god-''damn''. Add L337 to the list of things Chris fails at! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 05:03, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

:[[Fail|Done and done.]]--[[User:Jewlay|Jewlay]] 05:48, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

==We need a new name==

This name is just ridiculous.We need a new name for the article. Any ideas? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:51, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
* Spanglish Brainwash? -[[User:Ezra Mason|Ezra Mason]] 06:19, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
*"The DaCWCki Code"? Or how about "CWCthulhu ftaghn"? --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 10:58, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

==I do wonder==
I do wonder how he would react if we sent mails to him en masse, pretending to have succumbed to his will. I wonder if it would result in him trying to brainwash people IRL, which (as we all know) would have hilarious end results. --[[User:Doctor_Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]]
:It would give him too much confidence. We're trying to break him down now. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 14:09, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

:True, but on the other hand, if he tried it out on people IRL, only to see it doesn't work AND having him actually publically humiliated in that manner would break him more than simply getting owned on the internet if you ask me. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]]

:plus people might call the police on beng confrnted by this smelly insane man child confronted and he'll get sent to the police [[User:Shawths|Shawths]]

:On a side note, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOR57Q2bljE I made this because I was bored. Enjoy. ]

Talk:U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L

2010-01-16T14:35:58Z

Doctor Nuriel:

Talk:U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L

2010-01-16T13:50:25Z

Doctor Nuriel:

Talk:Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)

2010-01-04T17:27:11Z

Doctor Nuriel:

== To Do ==
*Notable Posts
*History of site

==Typical threads==
I'd do a "typical threads" here like we do for [[Krapple]] and [[EDF]] but since PVCCers tend to be overwhelmingly not retarded, they're not really as funny as the other two sites' typical threads. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:57, 30 November 2009 (CET)
* No seriously, we have General Discussion. I'll dig up some Georgeson-shit and put it in a list. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 20:16, 16 December 2009 (CET)

==Registration approval?==
I've registered at the PVCC several days ago. No confirmation mail whatsoever. I entered the correct mail address, and I checked my spam mailbox as well. Nothing. I tried to contact the board administrator. No response.
Could anyone lend me a hand here, please? -Doctor Nuriel