CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Draygoon

2011-09-11T00:31:18Z

Draygoon:

I also go by Mother_Brain. I usually just read and don't feel compelled to speak up unless I think of something nobody else seems to have noticed.
{{Americunt}}
{{IRCReg}}
{{PVCC}}

Talk:Bob Chandler

2011-09-11T00:29:34Z

Draygoon: /* RIP Video */

==To do==
*<strike>Picture of Bob</strike>
**Bob looks like fucking Jigsaw. Scary. [[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 18:34, 7 February 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's relationship with Bob, in Chris's own words
*add some background to Bob's history. He goes on about himself in the date audio, and he's a pretty interesting guy, like he saw the first plastic Coke bottles shipped off from the assembly line, and he was in the Signal Corps and all sorts of other interesting stuff. We need some of that in here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:06, 26 March 2009 (CET)

(Quick question - whats the date audio? Thanks!)
*...the audio of Chris's date with [[Emily]]. As seen available on the [[The Miscreants]] website. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:31, 17 April 2009 (CEST)

Should I mention he just got sent to the hospital in the health section with congestive heart failure? [[Shawths|Shawths]]

==Great job!==

Seriously, this article is terrific now. I'm surprised how far it's come. Good work to all those involved. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:11, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

: Still need more on video games and raising Chris. The section on Chris should be the biggest in this article. Will wait for others to finish transcribing because I can't make out Bob's quiet voice in church & Emily. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:24, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

== Bob's birthday ==

Why did everyone think it was Feb. 9th instead of Sept. 4? Does Chris not know when his father's birthday is? [[User:Sauerkraut131|Sauerkraut131]] 04:41, 27 June 2009 (CEST)
*No, it's just hard to tell from the Family Tree poster since it's in microscopic print. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:27, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

==Radio Station Gig==
According to some of the recordings via Yahoo Messenger, didn't Bob worked at a radio station at one time? [[User:Decoy Octillery|Decoy Octillery]] 21:01, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

==i suck==

Hi, first time editor, long time lurker. I called CWC's house today, hoping to talk to him, but I got Bob instead. Those other people exaggerated about Bob's bravado in their callfail video, Bob isn't much of an opponent if you don't let him get a word in, he just seems to stammer a lot. Of note, he recognized my Texas area code (432) and said he was from Texas, and that he knew some KKK people who he said he would send over to my house if I didn't stop calling. Unfortunately it's lost to time because I can't record from my cellphone and maintain a decent quality. I called him in the morning, when he woke up I honestly thought it was Chris. Anyways, I suck at this shit, I'm gonna just lurk and wtach from now on. I don't have what it takes to be a troll. Thanks for the interesting page, and sorry I don't have any audio to give you guys. [[User:ColossalFail|ColossalFail]] 19:35, 28 November 2009 (CET)

==Hey... ==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k]

My friend sent me this video earlier today. It has to do with someone prank calling Bob to get more info out of him involving his current life. Is there anything in it we could possibly use for this article? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 16:41, 20 February 2010 (EST)

*Is stuff like this now subject to the new CWCki privacy laws? Or are we good with all that?-[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 19:54, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

==Congestive heart failure==

<center>{{Not_A_Forum}}</center>

Damn. We all knew this was coming eventually, but still.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

: We haven't confirmed it was actually Chris yet--I'm personally at 60-40 Chris, the writing style seems off(the Random Capitalization is unusual) but his posting pattern makes sense. Chris only seems to use Twitter when the CWCipedia has dicks on it and I doubt that he's checked recently.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*The Twitter is his, he's written in the [[CWC Blog]] about it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** I don't see it on the CWCipedia updates.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:***It would explain his lack of presence for the last few days.
: Huh, I don't see that tweet on [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu his Twitter account]. Did he delete it, or am I just missing it somehow? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 04:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* No, it's there. It starts with "Captain's Log Stardate March 1st"--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:13, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** Oh, now I see it. Thanks! *[[slow-in-the-mind]]* --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 17:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
I don't want to live in a Cwcville without Bob. If he dies, I'll kill myself.
''

I'm going to kill myself if Bob Chandler dies
I'm going to kill myself if he makes me cry
I'll slit my wrists or I'll cut my throat
but I'll kill myself, I'll kill myself, by bleeding on his doorstep.''

[[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 05:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

:My grandma died due to congestive heart failure. It isn't a pretty sight. -PeaceCeapPea

:I just heard the news. Dammit, Bob is awesome, I'm praying he doesn't kick it! PLEASE DON'T DIE, BOB! :'( [[User:ToyoWolf|Kimo]] 06:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Just to be clear, CHF doesn't necessarily mean heart attack/failure/imminent death. What it means is that the heart is weakened and is having trouble pumping enough blood to the rest of the body. A lot of overweight and older people develop CHF and don't kick off immediately because of it, and it is treatable. So Bob may live to chop down more internets yet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 07:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

He spent 2 tweets discussing how his dad has a serious health issue, then six talking about himself and Sonichu. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I know, right? What the fuck? That's pretty low. I know Chris has [[Mumble 1|implied]] that he doesn't love Bob, but I'd expect more than that. People always joke about Bob dying, but I wouldn't like that at all. He is the only sliver of awesome left in Chris's life. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 11:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*The thing is, people think that without Bob, we'd get more interesting results from Chris. Bob kept Chris from going to Redmond. Bob is more or less the reason why Chris won't travel anywhere for a troll. Anyways, I think the concern is that Bob has a long history of heart problems already and given his age, he's taken quite a beating and it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect that this might do him in. Not that I pray for the death of Bob, mind you, only that this is the rationale of people focusing on Bob's death and why people aren't exactly optimistic. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:27, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I wouldn't expected anything else from him. What about "I am putting ''Sonichu'' on hold because my father is at the hospital"? That wouldn't have been a novelty. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all do something nice for Lumberjack. Make his life a little easier. We should call in and wish him good health. How much better will he feel knowing that he is more loved than his internet famous son? He'd perk up right away. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:18, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* He appreciated [[4 September 2009|Vivian's card]], that's probably a good idea. A picnic hamper perhaps? Some kind of gift package with food and/or nice shit. Chris won't go to that trouble; someone should.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 16:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*If someone sets up a paypal, I'd chip in 10 bucks. He's the internet lumberjack, after all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I agree, that would be cool. [[User:Lynxr|–Ich bin schwul, '''Lynxr'''. Ich bin schwul.–]] 19:03, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*I plan on sending flowers by myself in the next few days. Some kind of "Get Well" bouquet. The man deserves it. He went through a lot and, even if he could had done better with Chris, he deserves a break. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*I've started a /cwc/ thread on this here: http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/24043.html - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 18:54, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I really hope Bob pulls through for Chris's sake. I really hate Chris but I know what it's like to lose one's father, and that's not something I'd wish upon anybody else. --[[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 16:44, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, seriously. I hope Bob gets well soon.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 19:17, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
** Same here. Out of the Chandlers, Bob is easily the most likeable.....which isn't exactly that difficult seeing the rest of the Chandlers, but still.. --[[User:Torvalr|Torvalr]] 19:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, all the colossal dicks are gone from the Cwcipedia. A mark of respect? --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Sadly, it looks like it. Chris do not deserve any respect. CWCipedia should be a ground for Cock-Parades 24/7/365 [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
**Dude, his dad could be fucking ''dying''. I think it's a nice gesture - that's why I mentioned it.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 22:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***I never saw Chris acting with compassion towards someone before, I don't see why we should indulge in Moral-Faggotery because of Bob's issues. As much as I respect the Old Man, He's not the jerk we all love to hate. This is why I strongly believe that the ads must be put back in place. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 23:25, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*Chris's 'stress' probably gets passed onto Bob. When Bob is in stable condition, there's no way Chris will be able to put his needs ahead of his own. He'll be getting all cunty about the trolling that he's receiving and not helping Bob's situaition at all. I say lay off and go with [[User:Edward|Edward's]] idea. Well wishes and get well soon ads for Bob. So what if Chris gets smug. Smug Chris is positive happy Chris, it's the closest he gets to that emotion. We can put up with that while his dad's in hospital, right? - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:27, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Seconded. /Scruffy --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Chris wouldn't give a fuck if his father died. He hates him. If he hasn't empaphized with anyone else, then why the father he hates so much? He'll fake sadness, pretend he cares, but he'll still consider fucking Patti the worst loss of his life. And going easy on Chris is no help for Bob, that just means that in possibly his last days with his father he'll be all smug about his victory over the gay ads. If anything they should put up a get well message for Bob using the adspace. I'm going to mention that to the Asperpedia crew next time i'm over there. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***Agreed. Look at the Quote of the Now. He mentions that his dad is in the hospital and would be there for a few days, but he had a LOOOONG stressful day. He wants us to feel sorry for him for the day, not his dad. It would be the greatest wake up call when he does pass away.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 23:23, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
****Chris being selfish? that's old news. If bob dies, it's ovbiously he would become chris's new excuse " i can't do << insert anything>> because my dad died" for a while, he'll forget about him and continue to be the jerk we know. Id bob dies he will be free from the torments of chris, bob has been trough too many shit thanks to Chris, bob deserves to finally rest in peace. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 23:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*****Actually, what would happen if Bob died? Presumably the family, not just Bob are living off his pension and social security. Even if they own the house completely, however much Barbra is bringing in plus $450 from Chris' board may not be enough to pay all their costs (bills, food, etc). --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:15, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
****** I wouldn't doubt that the accumulative total of both Chris' and Bab's welfare would be enough to sustain them- provided Chris stopped buying junk he never uses and stops eating at McDonald's. But it seems to me from the Twitter alone that Chris doesn't consider this emergency to be significant- it's like he skimmed across the issue as a lead-up to his retarded comic's scheduling, which in turn lead into "Rule 18" (which I can only assume is Chris' mistaken discovery of Rule 34). If he took the situation seriously at all, he'd either be pouring more emotion into it, or be absent altogether. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 00:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
******* Well Chris claims to have gotten his pack rat nature from his parents. So there's the possibility that if Bob goes, they'll spend themselves into nothing. --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 01:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
-
• One thought- has anyone contacted [[Cole]] yet? I'm in Australia or I would myself. I know Chris doesn't gave a flying fuck and [[Snorlax]] almost certainly doesn't either. He should know I think. --Ronichu
* I think most of the family probably know by now (I would hope so anyway) but Cole has said in the past that he would celebrate when Bob "finally drops". Unless Cole is willing to make peace I say let him stay in the dark on this one, or leave it to the Chandlers to tell him. This is all too soon, I'm not ready for Bob to die yet... I just hope he dies comfortable, not at home and not surrounded by his family. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 01:40, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, when bob dies, i hope he doesn't has to see his failure son's face. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 02:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Agreed on letting the Chandlers tell Cole, if for no other reason than he might not believe some random troll from the Internet. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I really need to ask this- where was it picked up that Bob had a 10% chance of survival? If it was in the linked article, I didn't see it.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*I am asking myself the same question; where this came from? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 11:09, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** It doesn't, I think the person who wrote that must have seen the bit which says that it has an annual mortality rate of 10% and misunderstood it. He statistically has a 90% chance of surviving another year (provided he is suffering from the normal progressive form of the disease). I've changed the article to reflect this. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 11:29, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::Alright, awesome- I was just beginning to think if that had been true, then half my extended family is pretty damn lucky.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:58, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If Bob does kick it (may he rest in peace if he does), what odds do you give on Chris going to a funny farm in the next 5 years? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Unless if the state of Virginia got no cheaper option. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I try to send flowers to Bob but the FTD website ask for a phone number. Anyone got a clue what Chris's phone is? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

He tells us himself in the opening few seconds of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2vGKa-k2Us this video]. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*How about <s>Chris' credit card number</s> the hospital we should send them to? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's credit card number is 2984 8579 9562 3765. That number is fake by the way in case anyone missed the joke. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*thanks for the info. I forgot about this video. I rand FTD with a nice card and a Pink Lily Bouquet. Bob will receive them tomorrow.[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
***Assuming Snorlax doesn't eat them first. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:08, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Do we know that Bob will get them? Knowing Chris, he'll assume that they are for him and make a youtube video thanking his secret admirer for sending him flowers. I hope that you made sure to put down in bold capitals that its for Bob, and even then its only a slim chance that he'll consider the idea that they're not for him. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::*But pink is such a faggy color. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:53, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*There's a possibility that Chris will hijack the bouquet but let's see it that way; it's bloody pink if he does, we got material to doubt his straightness. Not only Bob's name is on the delivery slip but I also send a "Get Well" card mentioning him, the package couldn't be mistaken. FTD will deliver tomorrow. Let's see what it will bring us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I sent Bob a bouquet as well. In all honesty, I enjoyed hearing about his experiences and feel bad that he's stuck with a horrible wife and son. The all the man wants is a chance to discuss the world and listen to his records. At the very least, he deserves to know that there are people that like him out there. --[[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 22:35, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::::*What color? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 00:41, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::*Multi-colored. It's [http://www.teleflora.com/mixed-flowers/bouquet/make-a-wish-167864p.asp?s=t&promotioncode=Shed10&srccode=SH_FR&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=TFWEB164 this one.] [[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 01:00, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*If Chris suffered heart failure, I wouldn't send flowers. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 04:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*I kinda want Bob to die (Don't look at me like i am a monster) because I want the vicarious thrill of watching 14 Branchland Court implode without his common sense. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** Me too. He's pretty much the only person who ever tried to stop a Sweetheart opperation--he could have stopped Julie if Max hadn't been a good liar. Nothing will set the Snorlax off unless you try to lure Chris somewhere, and even then I remind you that we still got him to defy her and go to Ohio. Her general logic for any scenario seems to be "If Chris actually gets a girl, I'll believe it when I see her, otherwise it's his own damn fault for being stupid". This is Chris's logic, minus the part after the comma. Oh, and no Bob means less money, and what's going to make you think Chris starts stealing his tugboat payment from her?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*** If you kinda want Bob to die to make trolling Chris easier you're kinda a far more worthless human being than Chris is. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 23:41, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**** I'll justify myself, then. I will be sad to see Bob die, and I will be happy to see what happens when he's gone.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:12, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
***Like I said, I'm no monster, I just wanna see Chris fall apart without Bob's guidance. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 00:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** If Chris has no-one to defend him or motivate him, it won't be a challenge to troll him anymore. I like Bob, and if I get to his age I intend to spend all day everyday swingin' with the music. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 02:30, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** Well, since Barb is too weighed down by her own rolls to do anything, if Bob dies, there will be shit hitting fans in Chris' home real soon, and I don't mean cat shit.. Either way it's going to be funny considering Chris' warped view on death. --[[User:CrookedSmirk|CrookedSmirk]]
**** She's not that fat, not yet anyway.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

I know everyone has realized this by now, but I don't think Chris understands the severity of it all. On his Twitter, it says that Bob came down with a ''case'' of congestive heart failure. The way he's talking about it, it seems that Chris thinks that this is something Bob can overcome like a sick bug or something. That also explains the lack of concern in his two videos - he actually thinks Bob's gonna be alright in a few days, as if some R&R would do good! He doesn't realize that this may very well be the beginning of the end!--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:20, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*This is why I pity Bob Chandler right now. He's a man with decades of fair work, a patent on his name and the opportunity to be called the veteran of the most intense war the world never saw. Only for this, he will be a better man than myself. Here's the sad part. On the Internets, he will be remembered as the "Joseph" of the "Fail Messiah". The very fact that Chris ignore him in what we might call his last hours on Earth is shocking to me. He really don't deserve this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Point. Bob's death may come as a total and complete surprise to Chris.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*How do we even know Barb would let him know all the details? Wouldn't she consider keeping Chris ignorant to be a small mercy? --[[User:LeninandMcCarthy|LeninandMcCarthy]] 05:56, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:**Small mercy? From everything I've heard of her, if she kept the details from Chris it would be because it's easier on her to just not tell him. In all honesty if anything's going to happen with this, it should be trying to get Chris to actually spend time with his father. Remember, the closest he's had to a constant in his life dying is his dog, and Optimus Prime, and in Chris' mind both of those came back. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 06:59, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

:I still think we should do something nice for Bob while he's sick. Unlike Chris, Bob is definitely someone I see as with positive qualities along with the negative (which he has plenty of, but don't we all). In light of this, I wanted to have a small hatched engraved with a message "For 'The Internet Lumberjack'. Get well soon! - The Trolls" on the front face and "Keep on swinging!" on the back. I found a place that does engraving along with a hatchet that would be suitable ($100 or so cost all up, probably about the same for postage, not a problem for me since I work), unfortunately I called Australia Post and they said that there were import restrictions on edged weapons into the United States for some reason. Is there anywhere in the US where one could order something similar to the above created and delivered? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:28, 4th of March 2010 (Australian Central Standard Time).
:*Does Bob even know that he's the Internet Lumberjack? The joke might be totally lost on him. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 10:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
*The cause was an internet fell on him. --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 08:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If bob dies, do you think chris will put him in his comic, just like patty?[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 18:54, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

* Probably, but he'll be a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Il_Sung Kim Il-Sung] type character, The dead but eternal leader of CWCville. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:37, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*For those who don't know, [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ Charlottesville obituaries are here]. I'm not sure if this has been posted yet; correct me if it has. So far Bob has not shown up. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 21:17, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If he dies, I hope the funeral isn't private, because I plan on burying my axe and a broken internet modem with him.
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 23:02, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Guys, please, this is getting out of hand. There's lots of places to discuss stuff for Bob like sending him flowers and shit. But this place is not the place to do it. Please refer to [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|this]]. Talk pages should be reserved for how to improve the article and not for content - it was alright to discuss the validity of the tweets, for instance, but this is getting out of hand. Fuck, you can even arrange things on the Community Portal if you really want to.

Next person who posts something not related to improving the Bob Chandler article '''will be banned.''' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:25, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

I've added a heading below the ''Health and late life'' heading called ''What about Bob?''. I'm using it to encompass what little we know about the recent heart failure saga, and briefly touch on Chris's extracurricular activities during it. I figure once it's all over with, it will be much easier to delete the heading and contents as a whole, rather than sift through the Bob article and remove things piecemeal. But if it's getting too big, or if you all don't like it, feel free to cut it down in the spirit of Bob. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 06:26, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

==Bob's past heart attacks==

If you check out the transcript for the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]], you'll see several gaps, one of which is very large. I just reached the point in the audio where the first gap occurs, and it's ''right there'' that Bob starts talking about his history of health problems, most notable of which are his past heart attacks. We seem to have a surplus of Bob fans, so would one (or more) of you like to start filling in that gap (and/or the others)? I'm willing to do it myself, but I'm not the world's fastest typist, and - all kidding aside - I'd like to have all of this information about Bob made available before the man dies. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:57, 5 March 2010 (UTC)
*I'm surprised I haven't noticed this before. I'll actually add this to the Improvement of the Now. Be sure to mention this in the [[Transcription Collective]] as well. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:32, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

*He's definitely gonna die soon, because the fact that he's had four heart attacks and is older than my grandfather by a decade (he was born in 1937) , is a telltale sign that he's gonna meet Billy Mays sometime within the year.

*PSN message shows than Bob is okay, according to Chris, at least. Should he die, it'll be a day of mourning, but not for Cole. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 23:20, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

==Should we really be checking the Charlottesville obituaries?==

I thought that the Chandlers lived in Ruckersville and not Charlottesville proper. Perhaps someone from the area can inform me of the truth?--[[User:Doomknight|Doomknight]] 08:28, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, but isn't the hospital in Charlottesville? I'd call them myself but my Boston accent's too thick for them to not raise an eyebrow. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 21:10, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

I had assumed that Ruckersville wouldn't have their own obit listing, but I just found out that they do. I'll add that link to the Charlottesville link on Bob's page. It's more of an off chance that he'd be listed anyway. Considering that the only people who would even write an obit would be Barb or Chris, it's doubtful if he'd even get one. But since we've all basically been pissing in the wind regarding Bob for the last week, it's about all we can do. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 06:14, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

== Is Bob dead..? ==

[http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Is Chris still in control of this site?], because "Sonichu is no longer being updated. My father's passing has been too great for me. :( It is like I Lost Patti All Over Again."

The site was last updated on the 31st of March... --[[User:AsperGirl|AsperGirl]] 06:50, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

*It's a troll page. I think someone already saw and mentioned it elsewhere.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 06:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

* I personally spoke to both Bob and Snorlax about seven hours ago. They are both alive. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 07:18, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

So some people of TV Tropes seem to think Bob's dead. I've looked through a few websites that list obituaries from Ruckersville and Charlottesville and he wasn't listed on any of them. Any conformation as to whether he's alive or not? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 23:42, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
*No telling, could be a trolling plot. I think we'd be warned if Bob was dead. The simple solution is to call Chris and simply ask him.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:24, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
** I tried calling him yesterday to ask him about Bob, but I couldn't get a hold of him. I'll try again, even though I know he probably won't pick it up. (How do you guys even manage to talk to him, anyway?) --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 23:12, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
::*There are about 15 more 'Sydney Calls' which are just voicemail messages and the like. Chris is too lazy to answer his phone and his parents are quite sick of all the pranks. Keep trying and you'll eventually get through. I tell you what though, if Chris actually gets a call from a game designer they would not put up with someone being so impossibly unreliable to contact. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 23:18, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
:::* Ah, I thought "call until he decides to pick up" would be the answer. I managed to get him on the line once sometime last year, but that was back when I was a CWC newfag, sooooo I froze up and hung up. *fails forever*

But yeah, that'd be yet another reason (out of an infinite amount of reasons) why game designers wouldn't touch ''Sonichu'' with a ten-foot pole. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 01:25, 14 May 2010 (UTC)
::*If so, then a new era has begun. If not, then we can annoy Chris. And there's nothing Rocky can do about it.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:47, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
::*Heh, don't worry about the freezing up thing. Sydney was a huge fail, but she was about 50x more successful than my previous effort, where I got absolutely no response at all, only annoyed him a little, didn't record anything at all, entertained his parents and then nearly dox'd myself due to my tardness. Just to be sure, you're not calling him with your real phone, right? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 01:32, 14 May 2010 (UTC)
::** Er.... Yeah, I'm using my cell phone. And for extra fail points, I use Audactiy to try to record my calls. What should I do instead? '''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 18:49, 25 May 2010 (UTC)
== racist ==
so has bob ever actually been out-and-out racist or is that just a (probably correct) assumption? just wondering [[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 15:56, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
{{quote|Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Bob, [[Prank_calls#.27Epic_Crazy_Lady.27_calls_Bob|choreographing trolls]]}}
This quote would suggest Bob thinks of black people in a negative light, referring to the trolls as being black. I'm stereotyping, but it's not uncommon for people from his generation to hold racist views. Him having been raised in Alabama would also suggest that he was exposed to racist views. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:07, 3 June 2010 (UTC)

ahahaha, how did i ever miss that article? funny shit, thanks man. although in another video on the page (just reading the transcript here, my speakers are busted so i can't hear how he says it so he could be being sarcastic or dismissive or whatever) he tells a troll to put effort into something constructive like helping haitians. i've known people who said stuff similar to "get your black ass down" (ok, not really that phrase but you get what i'm saying) and they aren't really racist. but then again i also live in south louisiana so that probably has something to do with the different standards for what constitutes racism or something (down here someone's not really considered racist until they start throwing around the n-word or other slurs or explicitly slander a race/someone because of their race). which, of course, isn't to say that makes saying something like that any less heinous.[[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 15:59, 5 June 2010 (UTC)

or maybe i'm just willing to give some people more leeway than they deserve; yeah that's probably it. [[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 05:41, 8 June 2010 (UTC)

== That picture of Bob and Chris ==

Long time lurker, love the site. I was just looking at the picture of Bob and Chris in what appears to be a classroom (0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg) and was noticing the Grade Chart. Am I reading it wrong, or does it seem to award money prizes for different grades, with at least 5$ being awarded even for failure? If I'm not misinterpreting it, does this mean Chris was getting rewarded, no matter how badly he did? [[User:Colonelslime|Colonelslime]] 17:55, 16 July 2010 (UTC) (Edited to add signature, my apologies)

* First off, sign your posts, four tildes at the end of your post. To answer your question, it might not mean that, in that he probably wasn't making money. Many teachers have systems with their students to encourage learning. The teacher makes some fake money, the kids take a test, the kids earn money based on their performance. She'll have a thing of toys they can buy with what they make. It was apparently popular back in the 80s and mid 90s, but nowadays kids can get better stuff than that by themselves. There's a slight chance that the kids were actually getting paid, but that would be a pretty bad plan for a teacher to put into motion. If so, it probably would have been for their final, overall grade, but still. Also, there is a talk page for files as well, so if you have anything else post there, alright? [[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 07:30, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

== The Automatic (Something) is...? ==

Could it possibly be he worked on the first automatic switchboard for the area, or possibly the whole reigon? I've read up on these, and it sounds like he worked on the first installation as part of a test run to see how well they would function under standard call input rates and to test how durable they were under stress. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 16:55, 19 August 2010 (PDT)

:'''>Test how durable they were under stress.''' Pity he couldn't do the same with his son.[[User:ProtoAuthor|ProtoAuthor]] 07:36, 11 April 2011 (PDT)

== Patents ==

Here are two more patents with Bob's name on them I couldn't fit in the Work section because I am about to Crash into Slumber.

http://www.google.com/patents?id=jKU4AAAAEBAJ
http://www.google.com/patents?id=-DMBAAAAEBAJ

--[[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 01:07, 12 September 2010 (PDT)

==Grand Wizard Bob ==
While I know that the revelation of his Klan membership came right out of the horse's mouth, Does anyone know if he's really a member, or just bullshitting?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:23, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:He's not saying he's a member. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 14:05, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

He implied he was a member, just read this quote:''''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it. '''''
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 15:45, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
* A good few black people have seen cross burnings, I doubt they're members. I'm guessing he was just trying to scare the callers. --[[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 16:29, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

== Is Bob actually part Cherokee? ==

Or is it just Chris making shit up? - slubub

== Cancer Call? ==
anybody got links?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 15:57, 29 March 2011 (PDT)
* Bob has cancer!? By God, the poor fella. My heart goes out to him. Also http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-GGSOyCm2k Here's a link to the call. --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 21:36, 20 April 2011 (PDT)
**I am unsure about the whole "Cancer" thing. As long as I don't hear a FA or Chris confirming the info, I will assume that Bob is pulling our leg. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:52, 21 April 2011 (PDT)

==Is Bob technically a troll?==
Bob's joke about Obama appeared in the 4 Cent Garbage building, so shouldn't that make him a troll since he contributed to it? Maybe we should include this in the article. --[[User:SonichuIsMyHero|SonichuIsMyHero]] 07:57, 8 June 2011 (PDT)
:Look up what a troll is. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:08, 8 June 2011 (PDT)

==BobWatch==
I've added a section under What About Bob that's meant to hold more of the bulleted news info, to separate it from the more narrative information. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 14:00, 29 August 2011 (PDT)

== Changing tenses in the article ==

If Bob truly is dead, (which, unfortunately, appears to be the case), then CWCki editors need to change his page to reflect things in the past tense. --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 09:35, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

*I'll look into changing tenses and maybe tidying it up a little, in light of what's happened. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 10:18, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

*I changed maybe three words to reflect Bob's passing. Since English isn't my first language, hopefully someone can check it! --[[User:Volodya|Volodya]] 10:27, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

*I'll do it. --[[User:MissMeg|MissMeg]] 10:34, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
**Done. Feel free to make any changes you see fit. --[[User:MissMeg|MissMeg]] 10:54, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

== Obituary ==
* I was reading the obit for Bob and I found this statement, "Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler." What the heck?? Is this normal? Do people really send money and flowers to people they don't know? And I'm kinda wondering who wrote the obit in the first place. I'm moving towards Chris or Barb because no obit written by the hospital staff would mention the whole "without him we wouldn't have (insert some plastic item here)". Another question to ponder is this: because Bob is now dead, will Barb and Chris still receive as much money as they did before? What happens when the social security holder dies and that's their only real income (I can't imagine they can live off the tugboat). --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 11:39, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
It's normal to ask "Instead of flowers, you may send a donation to (charity)" - asking for cash for yourself is not normal. And it's not "money and flowers to people they don't know" - if you're an acquaintance who can't make it to the funeral, you send flowers (or a charitable donation - or, presumably, a new 3DS game) and your apologies. [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 12:45, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

*Well, regarding Bob's pension, it depends on what election he took at the time of retirement. Since Barb has a pension as well, it's possible he chose a Single Life Annuity (meaning that when he dies, the money stops) because she already has money coming in from her pension and typically SLAs provide more each paycheck. If he took a Joint & Survivor Benefit, it's possible Barb (who is probably the beneficiary) will get either 50, 75 or 100% of what Bob was getting from GE's pension trust. Even if Barb is the beneficiary, very few pension plans offer 100% J&S options and on top of that, with her poor health, after the death of a spouse, according to mortality tables, she won't have much time and typically pensions don't have a secondary beneficiary; which is what Chris is. In short, they're probably receiving MUCH less money now. --[[User:reverendverse|ReverendVerse]] 18:07, 10 September 2011 (EST)

== RIP Video ==

Does anyone plan on making a RIP video for Bob? Because sadly, I believe we need one for the Video of Now. --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 11:26, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

: I really don't think we '''need''' one for the video of the now and I don't think there should be a RIP video, it's would be in very poor taste and the announcement of his death on the front page is bad enough.([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 11:36, 10 September 2011 (PDT))
:: That's exactly what I was thinking. One of us making a video would definitely be poor taste. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 11:39, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
::Agreed. This isn't about us.[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 17:29, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Kacey Call 15

2011-04-01T07:31:02Z

Draygoon:

Needs a narrative summary, see the IRC chats for examples.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:02, 4 March 2011 (PST)

Why does her voice sound so retarded in this one? -- [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 00:31, 1 April 2011 (PDT)

User talk:Fuckingstupid

2011-02-20T17:46:02Z

Draygoon: /* I want to help with transcription */ new section

[[User:Fuckingstupid/Archive 1]]
==My talk page==
I fucked up my talk page because I am drunk. I tried to make an archive. It didn't work. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:40, 6 December 2009 (CET)

==Upload page text==
Because I don't want you to die as a result of a brain aneurysm from one too many people not resizing their images, I've edited the Upload file page to remind people to keep images under 150 kb and to consult your help guide on how to resize images.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:59, 20 December 2009 (CET)

==SPECIAL MISSION==
Would you be interested in helping in compressing images on [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]? Clyde needs images compressed and I said "Fuckingstupid is your man."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:40, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

==Oh hey==
I'm gonna need you to delete images for me again. Seems my privileges didn't carry over from 110mb :(
For the time being, I'll be re-instating the Recycle Bin on my userpage.
--[[User:Whoreos n' Milf|Whoreos n' Milf]] 20:17, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

Well, I guess there's not much point in trying to optimize shit anymore...
Which I suppose puts me out of a job. --[[User:Whoreos n' Milf|Whoreos n' Milf]] 16:55, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

==Your Youtube==

I fucking laughed my ass off at the 16bit apples video, you've earned yourself a subscriber. --[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 01:42, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:LOL THANKS --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 10:27, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

== Transcription ==

Your transcription plan is a noble one. I will renew my transcription efforts. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 23:11, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
:It's high time I stepped back up. Will transcribe some tonight.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 00:34, 21 July 2010 (UTC)

==Curse you==

You thwarted my evil plan to make you look like an Asperpedia regular. Until we meet again. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:53, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

== I want to help with transcription ==

and I'm looking at Mumble 7 and I can't figure out what those retards have and have not done. I'll redo what they've done if no one's going to contribute. I'm going to you because I figure you'd have the best idea of what the definite last stopping point is, if you're not currently working on it yourself? Just give me a number to work from and I'll do it. -- [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 09:46, 20 February 2011 (PST)

User talk:Griffintown

2011-02-18T16:35:04Z

Draygoon: /* Flats */

==A Lovely Dialogue that Griffintown had with Dr. Spammalot==

Thanks for undoing all my hard work, dumbass.[[User:Mah boi|Mah boi]] 19:35, 29 October 2009 (CET)
*I aim to please! :D [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:36, 29 October 2009 (CET)
:*You hate me don't you. [[User:Mah boi|Mah boi]] 19:44, 29 October 2009 (CET)
::*Hate, for me, needs a certain amount of respect. As far as I can tell, you are merely annoying and not worth of hating.[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 22:05, 29 October 2009 (CET)

==Psssst==

You don't get the sarcasm very well do you? Spoiler: I'm Kacey. [[User:GenesisHime|GenesisHime]] 08:06, 1 November 2009 (CET)
*So glad to meet you Kacey. I am the King of Spain, at your service! :D [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 15:51, 1 November 2009 (CET)
:*Sweet! Spain is awesome. [[User:GenesisHime|GenesisHime]] 17:58, 1 November 2009 (CET)

== the fuck is wrong with you? ==

learn to use {{clear}} it's not that hard. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 18:37, 29 December 2009 (CET)

Because you'll get different effect on different moitors and resolutions anyway (a PROTIP). --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 18:41, 29 December 2009 (CET)
*Yup, my big mistake. I din't knew the template existed. I went back and fixed some of the mess I made when I discovered it earlier today. Sorry for the mess. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:14, 29 December 2009 (CET)

== Contact me ==

See my user page - either get in touch with my on AIM or on IRC. We need to talk (it's nothing bad). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 03:03, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

==List of Videos==
It's not quite done... there's still vids on the list without a date at all; all I did was formatting. But thanks =) --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 05:01, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*You are doing a stellar job so far, I salute you. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:03, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

==Nice job stopping that vandal==
Srsly. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:10, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
:*No vandal will mess with the CWCki on my watch. Third time I had to deal with one here. I am glad I can ban them now. ;) [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:13, 13 January 2010 (UTC)

== Thanks, and have a safe day ==

Thanks for helping me with the [[01142010.MOV]] page. I was trying to help out some by getting the page up fast, but lack of proper wiki skillz hindered that effort. [[User:Cows|Cows]] 21:06, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
*Hey, no problem! Skills came with practice, don't worry yourself so much. Have a nice day! [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:15, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

==Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha==
I see you changing a lot of curse words to SFW; is that a thing that we're doing? I understand it in a lot of cases. Usually there's no impact on the content or the delivery, other than to make it more professional.

But other times it seems like a little excessive, considering the NSFW nature of so much of CWCki's content, and the creative component of CWCki writing vs. Wikipedia. Like the change on the [[straw]] page: "fucking vacuum lungs" is totally different than "lungs able to generate vacuum". The mental imagery is different, the humor value is different, and the readability/flow is different. The original author wasn't trying to make a physical analysis of gas pressures; they were trying to say that your lungs have to be comically powerful machines. The way it is now is just... blah.

Let me know what's up in case I need to be looking for things too, or if this was more of a personal thing. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 04:40, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

:*I have two reasons for working on this. First, swear words are highly unimaginative. Of course I am impressed by the versatility of the word "Fuck" and it's derivatives but it degrades the article for nothing. Yes, it adds some emotional emphasis but, if you can't explain it without proper words, why bother? I have to agree with the loss of humor in some article but I am convinced that we can do better. Then, I noticed that articles with "Blubber" (material unrelated to Chris) were littered with swear words. Since both are correlated, it makes my work easier. If the swear word is in a "Historical Document" or a talk page, I will ignore it. So this is nothing personal (I dint went Southern-Baptist on you all) I just want the CWCki to look shiny-clean. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:07, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

::*I can agree with that; it's generally overplayed (like "JULAY" or "of Fail" or any number of other now-"ho-hum" items). I have wtf'd a few times on the rephrased versions, though (e.g. lungs). I think in general, if "fucking" can be deleted completely without changing the meaning of the phrase, it's definitely not needed (or can be replaced by a more expressive adjective). But it gets a little weird when we start substituting mild language for some, like these ones:

:::''Sarah didn't give a flying toss -> Sarah couldn't care less''
:::''Chris would be willing to fuck a dog. -> Chris would be willing to have intercourse with a dog.''

::Those changes really kind of take the air out of the phrases, and don't give them the 'smirk' that the articles had before. The articles still need to be fun to read... CWCki is entertainment, after all. Fuck may be overplayed, but it shouldn't be verboten.

::But seriously, it's only maybe one out of every forty or fifty of your edits that are like this. This being a wiki, I guess I should just shut up and fix 'em as I think they should be, but I don't want to step on any toes. Would you be offended if, in those cases, I hit it a second time? I promise not to get in a revert war with you--if we can't agree after one round, I'll happily defer. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 06:51, 19 January 2010 (UTC)
:::Dude, the very nature of the Wiki system is the capacity to re-edit everything. Please feel free to add to everything I have edited. I am sure that you might have better ideas that mine on the subject and it would be a waste to ignore them. I assure you, I am secure enough with my Ego to not slip into a edit-war. Do your Best! [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:02, 19 January 2010 (UTC)
::::Haha, thanks. I couldn't agree more re:wikis, but I still like to toss it out there when I know we're likely to overlap, so that there's no misinterpretation of actions later. Happy editing =) --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 05:36, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

::*Allow me to step in for a minute. While, [[CWCki:NOTED|CWCki is not ED]], it's not totally Wikipedia either. We can cuss, we can use more personal language in articles, etc. I've seen some articles where there's an informal tone in some passages that would never fly on Wikipedia. It's not truly encyclopedic to have informal tones like this, but it makes articles readable - one of the goals really should be to make articles readable yet accurate and objective. For instance, let's look at [[2007]]. Strictly speaking, the article should start with "2007 is the year we made contact with Chris." However, right now it starts with "The year we made contact." It's less formal but it works a lot better. It's catchy, it draws the reader in. It's better that way.
:::So, where does swearing come in? First, please remember the audience - I'd say the core of trolls tend to be 18-25 year old males, current or former /b/tards where swearing is pretty tame. You're going to come off as dorky if you said something like "Chris would be willing to have intercourse with a dog." It's too wordy. "Chris would be willing to have sex with a dog" is alright, but pretty bland. "Chris would be willing to fuck a dog" has flavor to it. It appeals to the audience who are not offended and it has a stronger connotation than just "sex." "Fucking" generally indicates a sort of more carnal sex - you fuck a whore, you have sex with your girlfriend, you make love to your wife. But I think in some cases, people do try to hard so in a situation like "Sarah didn't give a flying fuck" could easily be reworded like "Sarah couldn't care less" or maybe "Sarah couldn't give a shit less" to give it some flavor.
:::Editors should try to keep in mind that in writing articles, try to write for your audience. CWCki should have articles that are readable such that trolls will want to read them without feeling like falling asleep or being bored. A little spice goes a long way. But that doesn't mean you pour the whole damn pepper shaker onto the plate. In other words, a bit of swearing is okay, if it conveys some impact, but if swearing is there when a non-swear word will do, then by all means replace it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:11, 19 January 2010 (UTC)
::::My opinion, briefly: it is silly to eliminate the F-word from a site that extensively discusses and displays Chris masturbating, shaking his naked ass, and yes, fucking the shit out of a blow-up doll. Also, if you're going to go on a crusade against naughty words, you should at least be willing to properly capitalize and format the words you replace them with. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 07:59, 19 January 2010 (UTC)
:::::In retrospect, I have to say that I kinda went overboard in my attempt to remove swearing words from the CWCki. I guess we don't need the level of cleanliness Wikipedia needs. I hope I dint caused much trouble. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 10:44, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

== Please contact me ASAP ==

Thank you. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:33, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

== Contact me ASAP ==

This is URGENT. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:56, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

Get on AIM again. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:45, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

== Contact me ==

Nothing bad, just want to talk to you about something. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:03, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

== Sorry to bother ==

By any chance do you know who came up with creepychu. i want to use her for something but want to ask permission beforehand. Sorry for bothering.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 02:42, 2 June 2010 (UTC)
:I don't have the slightest idea, sorry bro. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 13:36, 2 June 2010 (UTC)

== IM me ==

Champ asked me to contact you and the other Jerkops. My AIM is LittleLazyLime. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 05:48, 11 July 2010 (UTC)

== THE CWCKI FORUM ==

http://cwckiforum.proboards.com
IT'S LIKE PVCC FOR CWCKI PEOPLE!
[[User:DrShoggoth|Dr. Herodotus P. Shoggoth :Doktor of the Forbidden Sciences, Medallion Guardian, Imperial Emu, Emeritus of the Ancient and Justified Order of the Turtle]] 13:48, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

==AFK==

I will be off the CWCki up to September 19. Vacations and stuff. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:51, 25 August 2010 (PDT)

== Dude ==

You're a jerkop, you can delete stuff as long as it's vandalism related.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:50, 8 February 2011 (PST)
: Damn, I forgot. I need to lay down the booze.... [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 11:42, 8 February 2011 (PST)

=="Chris" videos==

Canine and I were discussing it on IRC and we noticed that none of the LBP videos have ever been classed as Chris videos. We decided that they should be put in the LBP category but not classed as Chris videos to keep with the pattern. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 14:01, 13 February 2011 (PST)
: Okay, I will remove the infobox. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:04, 13 February 2011 (PST)

== Flats ==

I am pretty sure is that Snuffleupagus faggot again... -- [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 08:35, 18 February 2011 (PST)

User talk:Griffintown

2011-02-18T16:34:12Z

Draygoon: /* Flats */ new section

Template talk:Tardrage

2011-02-06T23:28:25Z

Draygoon: Created page with "I like these templates better when they use Chris's art rather than fan art. Am I alone in this? -- ~~~~"

I like these templates better when they use Chris's art rather than fan art. Am I alone in this? -- [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 15:28, 6 February 2011 (PST)

User talk:Champthom

2011-02-04T10:55:42Z

Draygoon: /* I'm going to take a dump */

Talk to me.

Be sure to check out the archives as well:

'''Archive:''' [[User:Champthom/Archive 1|1]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 2|2]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 3|3]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 4|4]]

==Upload page==
Thank you sir, your change is much appreciated. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 12:43, 20 December 2009 (CET)

==Sonichu Franchise Games==

How about this: [[User:Dude/Sonichu_Franchise_Games]]

...replace these:
*[[Sonichu (game)]]
*[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]
*[[Pokémon:_Lightning_Version]]
*[[Sonichu_Adventure]]
*[[Sonichu_Advance]]
*[[EX-CWC]]
--[[User:Dude|Dude]] 05:47, 22 December 2009 (CET)

==Chris's First Interview==
I noticed on [[Talk:Chris-chan_Discusses...]] you asked for someone to mirror Chris's first interview on Youtube. I know that was a while back, <s>but as far as I can tell no one has actually done it yet</s>, so I went ahead and did it for you [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U-4Mvc5LbM]. I hope you're pleased. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 23:10, 27 December 2009 (CET)
*just noticed a while ago that it's aleardy been uploaded by The CWCville Library. I have no clue how I was so oblivious to that. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 03:26, 28 December 2009 (CET)
:*I didn't notice this either, thank you for telling me about this though and I appreciate your effort anyways.
:*Also can't seem to find it on the CWCvilleLibrary...could you possibly post a link?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:49, 28 December 2009 (CET)

==Thanks, Champthom==
<nowiki>:)</nowiki> --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 09:53, 31 December 2009 (CET)

==New Hotness for Videos==
Take a look at this template for videos that [[User:NeoShadow]] made; it's really sweet. It can wrap around videos (in the middle of the page, where they are now) or it can be used as a sidebar.

*Template: [[Template:Infobox/video]]

*Centered example: [[User:Neoshadow/sandbox/Sonic_Sweepstakes]]

*Sidebar example: [[User:Neoshadow/sandbox/Sonic_Sweepstakes2]]

Thoughts? It's been on the [[CWCki:Priority_Listing|to do list]] for a while now, and we could get one or the other in place pretty quickly. The big question is which placement to use, and general style questions vis-a-vis the way it looks. Let us know! --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 09:43, 3 January 2010 (CET)
*I really like it, but there was some debate (I need to see where) over the usage of video infoboxes, as some people argued it's unnecessarily replicates information one can gleam from the article. However, I think your centered example might solve that as this is ultimately what we can use to replace just pasting the video in Video sections of articles. I think the "Made by" would be useless in 99% of situations (with the very few videos made by other people, such as the Watch and Win one, or the videos by Scarlet). Personally I like your infoboxes, but I'm not sure if everyone else likes it elsewhere.
:Best I'd do is mention this in the [[CWCki:Community_Portal|community portal]]. As I said, I think your centered example might be very useful and a nicer display than just a YouTube video in the video section. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 12:11, 3 January 2010 (CET)
*This add-on is useless and redundant if you ask me. There's nothing new here you can't read in the introduction of the video, in the video navigation bar and I don't see the need for the "Festive" icons. I respect the efforts but I am a K.I.S.S.-Type of guy. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 15:02, 3 January 2010 (CET)

==IMPOSTORS==

Hey Champ, this is the "dude" from the old CWCki... somebody claimed my nick in the three hours between Cogs fixing the captcha and me checking back in =( Is there anything we can do about this? I can still log into the old CWCki to prove my TRUTH and HONESTY, and I used the same email signing up here (this account) and there (the old "dude"). --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 05:12, 4 January 2010 (UTC)
*I'll consult with Cogs later tonight, as I'm not sure if we can kick this other "Dude" off and have you have his nickname, especially given that it's an extremely generic name someone could have chosen (like Anonymous or Nobody or some name like that) or if we can do this, if it is right in doing so. Now I am concerned that people might try to leech off the fame of others by signing up for accounts of previous CWCki users, either to jump start their e-fame or as a way of trolling, so I'll need a second opinion. If anyone wants to weigh in on the matter, by all means do so. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:57, 4 January 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, it's pretty generic, but at the same time, I only signed up around October, so it wasn't generic enough to be taken by then. I am kind of surprised that somebody snapped it up so quickly, since I was pretty actively trying to get it back myself. I suppose it could be innocent, but it's still kind of frustrating. Thanks for looking into it. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 14:52, 4 January 2010 (UTC)
can you give him the account back. i didn't know. i didnt think dude was gona be available, i though i got lucky. didnt mean to steal it, ill make another one [[User:Dude|Dude]] 00:26, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
*No problem Dude (see what I did there?). Okay, here's how this will go down - new Dude, when you get a new account, AIM or message me in IRC when you do. I will merge your current account into your new one. That will free up the username "Dude" and old Dude can register that way. rpoblem oslved. If there's any problems, you guys let me know because then I have to resort to Plan B. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:36, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
*New [[User:Dude|Dude]] has been [[Special:Contributions/Dude|inactive]] for about a week now... can I get my account back? --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 17:49, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:*The new Dude needs to contact me so I can merge his old account into the new one, thus freeing up "Dude." If he doesn't respond in 24 hours or so, then contact me and I'll reset the password and give it over to you. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:57, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

== I'll not take this treachery sitting down! ==

You dare claim superiority over my powers as a great and terrifying wizard!? You shall soon see the error of your ways, good sir Champthom. I am a vengeful spellcaster, and I will rape you furiously in your sleep. [[User:Artiph|Artiph the Destroyer, Omniscient Archmage, bearer of the Grimoire of Destruction, whose powers by and large surpass that of the Great Wizard CrassCrab, Lord of the Seven Realm and Master of the Archane Black Arts of the Eleventh Trans-Dimensional Vortex]] 11:03, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

==Sup==
Have a job for me? You told me to get in touch... --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 19:38, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
*Well I was going to ask you to help upload images but people got onto that which is good.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:57, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Coolio. On Another note, don't bother restoring my Jerkop status. I don't need it now seeing as how images have a MUCH higher ceiling. I'll stick around to improve articles and help people with images if they need it. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 10:02, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

==SPECIAL MISSION==
I accept. Should I simply sign up for an account on Asperpedia and get started or what? --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 09:19, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, do that - sign up for an Asperpedia account and go zap to the extreme. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:17, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

==Just to let you know==

There's a new user who registered under the name ChristianWestonChandler. I am watching this account since it came online. I just don't get a good feeling about this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:00, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

==Apologies==

Thank you for fixing that mistake, that was the first time I added a template so I really am horrible at it. --[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 5:05 20 January 2010 (CET)

== Chris's resume ==

Would you please be so kind as to move this to [[Chris's résumé]] for the sake of more accurate spelling, and to satisfy the grammar nazi in me? If you don't know how to make the fancy és, just copy and paste mine. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 04:22, 31 January 2010 (UTC)
*Also, please to be deleting [[Chris and fame]]. Broken redirect. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 20:15, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

== A new Mailbag bombing==
Well, our dear Christian has now started giving a copy paste reply as his new method of rejection. And hes done it to Mike Jackson's widow. We had a quick discussion about that in the talk page, and we thought it'd be an idea for another mailbag thats just filled entirely with letters about this one subject. Like how we had a whole mailbag asking about Asperchu and stuff like that? I thought we could have another of those; Only this time have an entire mailbag of people calling him out for being such a prick and for still not properly ansewing letters. What do you think Champ? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 18:59, 15 February 2010 (UTC)

* To amend that idea, I suggest having Sysop inform him of another pending legal issue that can only be averted if he gives full replies to each email--he can't use the "Inputed" response or delete the whole thing and replace it with a general response or else the site goes down again or something.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:32, 15 February 2010 (UTC)

* Agreed. We need some sort of cover from him rejecting it in any way. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:56, 15 February 2010 (UTC)

== [[Politics]] ==

Please to be deleting. Broken redirect. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 01:11, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

== Sandy Rosechu ==

Any idea why [[Sandy Rosechu]] is showing up in [[:Category:Templates]]? [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 22:17, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*Fixed it. The Squote template didn't have noinclude wrapped around its category. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 22:21, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
**That was my fault. --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 22:24, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

== halp ==

Yo [[Scampers|Champers]], could you derete this page here: http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Template:Christory/March_07 ? It will be confus if it doesn't turn up as a red link. Sorry for mistake. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 15:00, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

== YO! ==

Champ old boy, do you have sauce on [[:File:CWCinDailyProgressJuly142007.jpg|this]] here sniplet? It must have slipped right past me, and now I want to know what it is! [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 02:09, 28 February 2010 (UTC)

==Jerkops Anonymous==

Hey, Champthom. I've been in the mood to move a page or two recently, but my jerkop privileges were abolished with the move to CWCki 2.0. Would you mind reinstating them? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

== Cole Smithey ==

Don't you think an edit like [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Z_%28film%29&diff=prev&oldid=344566166 this] seems too intentional to be an impostor? Never mind 30+ edits to the Cole Smithey article? [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 18:13, 7 March 2010 (UTC)
==Re: Pic of Wallflower==
Is this ok? It was shopped and It looks less like a man
[[Image:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|thumb|right]]

-[[User:Psycatalyst|Psycatalyst]] 04:02, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

== Posse ==

Champ, I don't know if you still need monitors, but I have no life and lurk on the CWCki pretty much all day. Hit me up if you need me. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 04:06, 16 March 2010 (UTC)
*NO U. Srsly, contact me on AIM or IRC tonight. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:07, 16 March 2010 (UTC)

==Summaries==

Ok, so I will check. I've started trying to sort and format the summaries for each of the Mumbles, and it's March Mumble Madness, but I seem to have contradicted instructions (as I discovered having worked on ALL of them), by listing rather than writing a narrative. What is it you want exactly, so I can get on it ASAP. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 04:11, 18 March 2010 (UTC)22:40, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

==Article of the Now==

You wanted some sort of template to denote former articles of the now? [[Template:Articleofthenow|How's this?]] --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 19:58, 20 March 2010 (UTC)
*Clyde already made something, just need to incorporate it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:06, 20 March 2010 (UTC)
*Late to the party again. Never mind --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 20:23, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

== List of Chris' lies ==

Okay, I trust your judgment on this. Wasn't sure if cleanup or deletion was the better solution and it looks like I chose wrong. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 20:36, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

== Quality Control jerkops ==

Hey, I saw your comment re "Quality Control" jerkops, of which none seem to be active at this point. I think I could handle that. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 21:12, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

== Champ old boy ==

People want to update [[Fan:Sonichu: The Animated Series]], could you unlock it for a while? [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 09:12, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

== Userboxes ==
Is it cool for users to make new rewards\userboxes, like the Grammar Nazi and Assburgers ones, for instance? Some wikis I've edited on don't like for you to make new ones due to space or whatnot, and others let you go crazy with it. Just want to check beforehand. [[User:BubblegumPinkButler|BubblegumPinkButler]] 03:22, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, it's alright, just don't go too crazy by making a kajillion of them. Some of the useboxes, like the Jerkop, Admin, etc. are obviously protected and it's poor taste to award yourself awards like the Order of the Pickle, etc. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:44, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

==April Fool's Day==
Since its going to be april fools day when the ultimatum expires why dont we just shut down for 1 day and let chris think he's won.
I mean worst that can happpen is he forgets about us, or the best is that he actually makes a "victory over cwcki" vid.

and then bring it back on the 2nd with a big fuck you chris

user: DKD 15.13 GMT 31.3.10
* No. That's stupid. Chris will make a "HA HA I GOT U TROLLS" video and quit paying attention to us because he thinks we are gone. If we stay up, we will have our own FUCK YOU CHRIS simply because we're not down. This will make Chris angry, and angry Chris is funny.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 14:18, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

*Never compromise, even in the face of <strike>Armageddon</strike> April Fool's Day. Also, in the future, make a sub heading (it's two equal signs, then your text, followed by two equal signs). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:32, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

This makes me worry now. What if Chris is pulling a long, convoluted April Fools prank, possibly the idea of a white knight? --[[User:Zehnfragezeichen|Zehnfragezeichen]] 16:18, 31 March 2010 (UTC)
*Don't be silly. The only White Knight who he listens to is Rocky, and even then, only just barely. And whats the chances that a church counsellor is going to come troll us? I think we're safe. Its almost certain that his plan consists of 'blank pages' and 'try to find and stab the webmaster' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:32, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

How bout we say that both bob and snorlax are dead, and put 14 Branchland Court up for sale? {{unsigned|Dan Dash}}

*Please, for the love of God, sign your comments. It's four tildas (~) in a row. I'm tempted to start banning people (albeit temporarily) for those who can't learn how to sign their fucking posts. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:28, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

:*Champ's got the rage. Dan, would that actually get to Chris? Seems to me it wouldn't bother him that much. Also seems he's making himself trollproof by becoming detached from us. Thoughts? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 23:04, 31 March 2010 (UTC)
:**He's not trollproofing himself at all, he's just fighting the urge to go online and complain about things. This is exactly like when we got him to make the comic--he was really diligent about it and when he missed a day he usually made up by posting two comics on the next. Flash forward two months and he's only releasing it in short bursts. He'll be back on his own in that time--less if he thinks Sonichu is being threatened. I suggest that someone put up an ad on CWCipedia that states that Chris has declared all Asperpedia comics cannon within the Sonichuverse. Or something about how Chris risks losing the "copyright" if he doesn't make visible use of it for more than two months.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:14, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

::*I'm not sure, he didn't even seem too angry when he discovered the Cwcipedia was devastated (now THAT would've been an April Fool's Day joke). Could it be that he's becoming numb to it? We've done almost everything we can to slander him, his family, and Sonichu. We've set up "sweethearts" toyed with him and, albeit inadvertently, brought about the end of his last IRL gal-pal. We sent the health department to his house, without effect, and have parodied Sonichu and Chris himself. What else CAN we do to this guy? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 23:17, 31 March 2010 (UTC)
::**We didn't call the health department on him and he never learns from his mistakes. We do it again and again. He's not getting desensitized at all, actually. We know most of his buttons now, we've just got to know when to push them. Oh, and every now and then Chris will do something to troll himself, and that's always worth a laugh.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:27, 31 March 2010 (UTC)
::*** But it's getting kind of cyclical, Chris gets a new sweetheart, he get's in love mood, phone calls are leaked, get lulzy videos and then, someone manages to anger him, he spews some death threats, then the sweetheart leaves/reveals as troll/dies and then we have sulk Chris, then he completely forgets about it and we have the smug Chris, and in between all that he makes a rant video once in a while. Pretty much we have seen everything chris has to offer for trolling.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:26, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

==General question==
Alright so Im a massive newfag here, and I'm wondering how do I create those tags on your pages? For example the eurofag and amerifag stuff. Can I create my own and upload them onto my user page?
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 23:55, 31 March 2010 (UTC)DKD 00:54 GMT 01.04.10
Templates.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:20, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

== "Contact me ASAP" ==

What's going on? --[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 03:59, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
*Contact me privately. My info is on my use page, we can't discuss this openly. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:25, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
*I've tried to contact you through AIM before, but because I'm a cheapskate who can't use Windows software, I suspect AIM didn't work too well on my end. I'm now in IRC too. I hope this works better. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 10:36, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

==CWC superstar==
Which Chris video did you get mentioned in?

[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 12:55, 3 April 2010 (UTC)
*[[Bunny Hop|PYONG PYONG PYONG! HOPPY EASTER FOR]] [[Crass and Champ|CRASS AND '''CHAMP''']]. Technically he's referring to the crab named after me, so there should be an asterisk. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:24, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

==Artist for hire==

I would be pleased to help by uploading pictures on the CWCki. The problem is that I don't know where to start. There was a page with the needing drawings but it wasn't updated in quite a while.
I talked to Cogsdev on the irc #sonichu and was referred to you. I'm not new to the Cwcki, but I only registered only today.
Here's an example of what I can do, if it's good enough:
http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:Sonee_2.jpg --[[User:Blacksky01|Blacksky01]] 23:10, 13 april 2010

*I'd say that the [[Artist Commune]] for requested images is still current, so you can still try there. I'd say that the [[Mumble]] chats could use illustrations, mostly of illustrations to go with notable quotes from the chat.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 03:29, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

*Here's a pic for the IRC(16 october 2008) with 2 notable quotes from it. Since I'm not sure how to add it in a good way, I'll leave it to you.

http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:IRC(16_October_2008).jpg

I hope it's good enough, I kinda messed up the pedo-glasse since it was done from memory.
Also, how can I link my signature to my userpage?--[[User:Blacksky01|Blacksky01]] 13:44, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

*Here's another one, this time for the IRC (20 January 2009).

http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:IRC(20_January_2009).jpg

I tried doing the pedo glasses right this time. I'll leave this to you. Also, thanks for the edit Beat.--[[User:Blacksky01|Blacksky01]] 22:58, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

== Transcription Category ==

What are your views on a category for all articles containing transcriptions? It would make them easier to locate for maintenance or general interest IMO. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 22:42, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

== Question About Templates ==

Hey, I recently uploaded the 4 templates [[Template:Observer|Observer]], [[Template:Warrior|Warrior]], [[Template:Hero|Hero]], and [[Template:Legend|Legend]]. I was wondering what I should do with them( I'm not the best at using Wikis). Should I move them somewhere, edit them, etc.? Also, since you deleted two of the category pages, I was wondering if I should restore those or delete the other two. Sorry if there are any problems. --[[User:Alcoholic Legend|Alcoholic Legend]] 03:10, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

:Oh, also, just wanted to tell ya that I restored the two category pages for now (now all 4 are up instead of just 2/4). If you want me to change/move anything, I'll gladly do it. Just tell me what to do and I'll get it done. : ) --[[User:Alcoholic Legend|Alcoholic Legend]] 06:14, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

== Old Cats ==

As part of a revamp of userboxes and their categories, there's a lot of now [[Special:UnusedCategories|unused categories prefixed with "List of"]] that need to be deleted forever. Can you fix? --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 05:16, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
:There's a few more List of... categories that need nuking. You might have just got hand cramp or something :) --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:21, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
:*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'M WORKIN ON IT!]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:10, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

== Deletion, moving and er, shit ==

To do with the Twitter stuff. I remember you saying something about Jerkop powers not extending to moving/deletion. Can I? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 10:55, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

On a related note, I made a mistake on an [[Bill Lumburg/Fan:Sonichu 11|article]] I created and I'm trying to move it to my Userspace. Can you help me with this? I don't see a move option anywhere so I'm assuming only admins can do it. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 03:58, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
*Thanks for taking care of that. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:54, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

== New Performance Style ==

Made this and applied it to a few pages after discussion that in the latest video none of the templates reflected the performance style (unadulterated smugness). Probably should have run it by you before I added it to a load of videos, sorry about that. :(

{{Comeuppance.png|text}}

:The template has been named incorrectly (Should not have the .png). The icon doesn't seem to match the style of the others - most notably the eyes. And I personally still don't think comeuppance is the right name we should give the template, but that's just me. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 13:02, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

== Video Template ==

So I made a change to the video template last night which inserts a linked version of Chris's name on video templates when someone puts '''|maker= Chris'''. Do you think that since the template is intended for Chris videos, we can just make the maker default to displaying Chris's name and drop the |maker= line for most uses of the template - retaining the option to include it if we need to override it? I need to run this past someone before I start rolling it out.

Oh and I'm considering making the template parameters lowercase, as is common with templates. I could implement a way for the template to accept both while I transition each use of the template to use lowercase. Worth doing? (Some of the parameters are already lowercase - messy!) --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 21:31, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

==#sonichu ban/the stuff I was going to post==

Hey Champ, any word on the issues we discussed? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:16, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
*Thanks for reminding me, I asked canine and he was going to talk to cogs but never heard back. I'll check with her though, though tonight isn't the best night to do it (long story). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:31, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
:*Not a problem mate, there's no rush. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 03:31, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
::*Contact me ASAP, just need to clarify something. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:43, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

==Quick Question==

Got something to ask you real quick. Will you be on AIM/IRC tomorrow? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 15:57, 15 May 2010 (UTC)
*Actually I'm gonna be out of town, but I'll be back Monday night.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:48, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

== Re: Glass vs Glasses ==

Wait what? Pretty sure glasses is what the majority of English speakers use when referring to a single pair of spectacles. It just looks stupid using "glass". --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:31, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

== Uhh...Champ? ==
You deleted the Facial Recognition talk page but not the page itself. Just saying. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:35, 23 May 2010 (UTC)

== A jerkop resignation letter ==

It appears that my furry background is raising a stir in /cwc/, and some people don't want me to post there. It does, however, bring another thing in my mind. I'd ask you to remove my jerkop bit. There's two reasons for this: First, if ''not'' having furries in positions of power helps some of the trolls to sleep better in the night, this course of action would help them. Secondly - and this is a far, far bigger reason - I'm not actually ''using'' the block/delete powers much, and having an account that needlessly has such powers is obviously a computer security risk. I don't think losing those rights would affect me that much as CWCki editor; I'm more concerned about site security and user happiness. Respectfully, --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 16:32, 29 May 2010 (UTC)
*I need to discuss this with Cogs first. I appreciate your selfless concern for the site but I'll be damned if /cwc/ tells me or Cogs how to run this site. What you do outside the CWCki is nobody's damn busy, to be honest. You are one of the finest CWCki editors we have, particularly because you have experience editing Wikipedia and I will not let you be intimidated by Internet fucktards at least on the CWCki. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:40, 29 May 2010 (UTC)
** Understood. I just have to add that this is one of those "last nail in the coffin" type things; like I said, the security issue is, in my opinion, ''far'' more important than the troll reaction. I'm thinking of all that ruckus that was caused by the hacked sysop accounts in Wikipedia a year or two ago. So please, if a policy needs to be made, it should be made on the security grounds, not trolling grounds. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 17:47, 29 May 2010 (UTC)
*** I saw the thread on the /cwc/ you are referring to. In my humble opinion, you shouldn't give them any power over what you do. If you identify with a paticular group on the internet, it's not important. You seem to be an important editor to this fine Wiki, so having a bit of power can't be wrong in your case. The opinions expressed by the "members" of the /cwc" imageboard aren't worth anything on the CWCkie. Also, an hacking attemp on your account seems highly unlikely if you don't let any clues on your password. But it's only my opinion on the matter, it ain't worth all that much.--[[User:Blacksky01|Blacksky01]]
**** I know. The whole situation in the thread was ridiculous. Me making the teensy bit of a mistake of being a namefag (I knew the pain threshold was low, but ''sheesh''), people spamming the thread with the (admittedly awful) drawings I drew years ago. (Careful readers might know that I ''specifically'' made a promise not to "spread the cancer" here. It applies to /cwc/ as well. But if the /cwc/ people wish to repost the godawful drawings, that's ''their'' headache.) The only real effect the thread has had on me, personally, is that I've tried to objectively evaluate some of the things that actually ''do'' suck: I mopped my user page of the rambling and put it in subpages, replaced some of the drawings on my home page (damn, those were old and awful) and I have to rethink the promotion strategies for my webcomic, since that is obviously not working. I still stand by the security concerns, but if Champ and Cogs don't think it's an issue, then I promise to not use the block/delete tools for anything heinous, as was the case before. =) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 14:02, 30 May 2010 (UTC)

== Trouble in Asperpedia ==

I've just gotten confirmation that the recent confusion in Asperpedia is being caused by vandals [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=User_talk:IsabelMonday#HI_GOD_MORNING]. Now I know you've got no power over at Asperpedia, but if they've taken the admin accounts there's nothing they can really do, and I was hoping you might have connections with someone who could help take the site back. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 18:02, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
*Mao is a [[Wikipedia:trickster|trickster]], beware of his cunning. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:03, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
**Well if it's a trick, its still pissing me off. I just made a project proposal to him and he answers by deleting all the fan content. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 18:05, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
::*Have you considered the possibility he is TROLLING YOU BACK? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:07, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
:::*Not if he was destroying everyone else's fan content. That's just too extreme for trolling one person. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 18:09, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
::::* Admins can undelete deleted content so it could be an elaborate troll. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 18:35, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::* I'm aware of that, in fact my first thought was that Mao was taking a piss all over me, until I saw he was deleting the entire fan portal and not just my content. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 18:36, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::*Wait, your telling me that this is the actual Mao doing this? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:01, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
As Champ said, you cannot rule that possibility out knowing Mao's traits. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 19:04, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
:Yeah, but I never thought Mao would do something like this. This is extreme even for him. And he's deleting Asperchu too. And he's talking about /b/ and people's passwords. And the toher admins are acting like that too. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:06, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
::* He set his password to '''password''' (no, seriously) and some asshat got in his account. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 19:47, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
::** *Facepalm* --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:57, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
{{quote|That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It's like what a moron would set on his luggage!|<s>Mel Brooks</s> Rick Moranis couldn't have said it any better.}}

==Talk pages==

I think we should start looking at temporary bans for user who continue to use article talk pages for personal discussion. It's out of control. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 03:19, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

* He edited his page to change someone's comment to something compromising. When I called him out on it, he did that to me too, and then faked my signature on another compromising comment. Then again, I "had it coming" as you said. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 03:24, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*I don't like being involved in others peoples' problems but Delabonte is abusing his power while being hypocritical. look at the history in his talk page.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 03:50, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
:*Delabonte is neither a jerkop or admin, he has no real powers aside from being here for a while. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:54, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

*I don't like it either. Not that I disapprove of the Not a Forum template--those are prefectly justified on any non-user talk page. There's usually a thread over on the appropriate channels anyway, so it's not like it's a big deal. I just don't understand why it should apply to user talk pages.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 04:04, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

:I was talking about '''article''' talk pages, not '''user''' talk pages, but out of respect for 16BitAlex I have removed the offending article from the talk page and put it on my userpage. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:05, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
::Partly my fault for not reading fully. But, if it was truly out of respect you would have removed the "offending article". You are right on Not A Forum for ''article'' talk pages. If only there was a forum that CWCki users could use. In fact, there ''was'', until the powers that be at a certain private forum thought that a public forum was a bad idea. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 04:22, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
::when i said abusing your power i didn't mean the "NOT a forum thing". i understand my mistake regarding that. what i meant was the editing anonymax's and 16alex's comments on your usertalk after you told alex he could not delete the vandalism from his userpage.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 04:40, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

:*Dudes, there's still [[Krapple|/cwc/]] and [[EDF]] (if you're totally desperate). Fuck, you can make your own forum, just don't go about declaring how you're gonna rip stuff off from PVCC or try to overtake PVCC. Fuck, hang out in [[Sonichu (IRC)|#sonichu]] and they'll let you in PVCC if you're not a faggot. Point is, CWCki isn't the place for this sort of talk - it's distracting and there's better places to do this.
::I mildly tolerate it since once people get warned, they (usually) tend to start and it's hard to keep track of repeat offenders. I think I've temporarily banned someone who was a repeat offender once but as I said, it's hard to keep track of people who do that sort of shit over again.
::I really haven't seen this as a huge problem on article talk pages, and in the past I have threatened bans for trivial discussing that was getting out of control but for one or two people commenting I can sorta deal with. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:54, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

Champ, I think you should look into Delabonte again. I tried warning him about not starting a flame war, but he just started vandalizing other people's comments on his talk page. This kind of behavior isn't tolerated here. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 13:08, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
*Cogs has spoken to me, the issue has been resolved. As usual, in her favour. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 14:47, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

==I just counted==
For some reason, I'm doing this lately. You have, as of this writing, made 8925 edits to the CWCki, based on your contributions page. No joke. Thought you ought to know. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 00:29, 29 June 2010 (UTC)
*1) that's because I'm an admin, 2) most of my admins are me failing to preview and tiny shit 3) mostly talk page edits. Fun fact - my user page is the most linked page on CWCki because I comment on like every talk page. But yeah, I spend way too much time here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:32, 29 June 2010 (UTC)

== Yo ==
Champ! Do us all a favour and ban JESUS would you? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:57, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

== You said to direct questions to you. So... ==
How in the fuck is that Coffee Place article a confirmed CWC sighting? Where in that photo is Chris or Bob, because I can't see shit? What does any of the text have to do with Chris or any sighting of any kind for that matter? Why does Clyde believe it's a confirmed CWC sighting? What evidence have we got? And why are you and Clyde so certain that this user's word alone can be trusted to the point of threatening bans for questioning them, when they haven't really given us any real proof of anything?

I really, really, REALLY hope that i'm just retarded and missing something obvious, because this makes NO sense to me whatsoever. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:03, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:shut the fuck up edward [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 02:06, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*To clarify, I'll be glad to address any questions on a one-on-one basis in IRC or via AIM.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:07, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
**I've also got a question I need to ask you in IRC.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 02:21, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*I can't use IRC. My computer fucks up whenever I try, and believe me I have tried. Why am I never allowed an actual answer when I ask a question? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 12:21, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*You are thicker than liquid cement, Edward. Email me at origins.intervention@null.net so I can enlighten you. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 16:11, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*It's not sending. I keep trying to send a message and I keep getting a notification email telling me that they couldn't send it for some reason. Are you sure that's the right email address? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:30, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
**Can I cover this, Champ?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 17:52, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
::*Go ahead, or Jump is sure to enlighten you as well, Edward.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:58, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
***Try my alterate, the.new.chemical@gmail.com --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 18:32, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:I did actually maange to get a message through to Jump's alternate account. I'm waiting for his response right now. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 21:00, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

:Everything's sorted now. Thanks again Jump. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 15:54, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

== irc ==

<s>Yo, Champ, I'm trying to join #sonichu but I get a message that says the hostname could not be resolved, and when I do get in, it says I have to identify a registered name. I'm using Mibbit and I already have an account there, and whenever I use the link at our Mibbit article, there's no one on. What am I doing wrong? Sorry for being a total newfag.</s> nevermind, sorry for annoying you-[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 17:08, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

==Ban me==

I'm evading a permaban. Jesus Christ. Do your fucking job, sandnigger.--[[User:JerryMathers|JerryMathers]] 00:03, 8 July 2010 (UTC)

== We need some clarification ==

On the community portal you said "do not interfere with Jenkins" which I simply took to mean "do not fuck with him" or "let him work on his report unimpeded." Delabonte, on the other hand, claims you meant zero communication and is putting up some userbox on everyone's page who posted on his talk page. All I did was point him to he userbox list after someone suggested it to him. Could you please clarify for everyone's sake what you specifically meant?

Also, I think the 'fuckwit alert' box is unwarranted; seriously, why would the PVCC care about a harmless mistake, let alone monitor such 'criminals'? And if I really had broken your rule, me and the other users would have been banned by now, wouldn't we? Some of those comments had already been put up for days without incident. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:49, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*I took it to mean "Don't do anything that doesn't appear to be approved". I followed that to the letter and I intend to follow the proper instructions now that I've been notified. However, I think the userbox was an overreaction.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:16, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

I think your userboxes are very fitting and you wear them well. [[User:DrShoggoth|DrShoggoth]] 05:55, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*As we want Jenkins to keep up the good work, the idea is more of the former - to not hinder his work, i.e. not to post too many praises on his talk page. I'm not sure what's been going on as I've been out the past two days or so, but I'm guessing people may have lost control and completely praised Jenkins, especially for getting a seinor cheerleader. I can understand where Delabonte is coming from but srsly, don't be a dumbass when it comes to this sort of thing.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:25, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

==Regarding the 'Relics of fail' items.==
Right now, out of 26 different relics, a total of 10 of them have the suffix "of fail". I think that the 'of fail' tag on the end of many of the items is a bit stale. Not only does it make them all seem generic and without personality, but 'of fail' just seems kind of juvenile. I'd like to start a vote to change the majority of the names to give them more flair, so they stand out more. Talked about it in IRC a few nights ago, and the consensus seemed to agree. One of the names thrown around was to change "Plush Boobs of Fail" into something along the lines of "Plush Boobs of Repressed Sexuality." Give them names that indicate their use, descriptors that tell you about the item before you even read about it. "Pokewalker of Sloth" or "Pokewalker of Inactivity". Even if the 'of fail' tag is supposed to indicate that Chris created it himself, there's no reason for the Plush Boobs and Sailor Moon Poster to have it included. Let me know what you think. [[User:Brofose|Brofose]] 06:55, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

I concur with Brofose. Fail has become a bit of a lame old meme, and while it is one of the most apt words to describe anything about CWC, I believe the Relics would do well to be assigned new titles. [[User:DrShoggoth|DrShoggoth]] 07:08, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

:I don't really mind the "of fail" but I wouldn't miss it either.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 12:30, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

I think this sounds like a pretty good idea. Perhaps we should consider some kind of formal way to do this. Like, we could have something in the community portal for users to suggest new suffixes, then from those like 5 favorites are picked out and a poll is taken for the new suffix. --[[User:ThatMan|ThatMan]] 22:00, 14 July 2010 (UTC)

== Thanks ==

Thanks for pointing that out. Also, I'd like to talk to you about something regarding some recent edits. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 19:23, 14 July 2010 (UTC)

== Welcome Template ==

The welcome template no longer requires any parameters - but it works better if substituted. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 02:05, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

== My jerkop status ==

A week ago, Cogs temporarily removed my jerkop status (for deleting [[Template:UnderWatch|this]] template), but said I could ask you to give it back to me after a week or so [[User_talk:Cogsdev#About_deleting_that_template|here]]. So now I'm just asking you if I can have it back, please.--[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 17:55, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

==SIR==
I have been away for a while. I have come back to be a serious editor again. I was looking through the to-do list with every intent of starting to crack down on transcribing Mumbles... then I saw an interesting tidbit. It still says that images should be limited to 150kb. Is this truly the case? Because the upload screen says keep it to 7mb. If 150kb is really the case, then perhaps I should go on another resize campaign. I am up for it, I have time. I am asking you sir, if this is where I should focus my efforts. Tell me and I will get started right away. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 14:05, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
*The 150 kb thing isn't so much important nowadays since we have the new space and space isn't quite as limited, not to mention people are doing a good job at not uploading huge ass images. Transcribing Mumble chats would probably be a more worthwhile and rewarding en devour though, IMHO. Godspeed to you.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:56, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Roger that, I'm on it... --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 18:16, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

== Sonichu TAS transcripts ==

Would it be alright to upload transcripts from the animated Sonichu series? [[User:CosmicFeeling|CosmicFeeling]] 19:29, 3 August 2010 (PDT)

==Oedipus confirmation?==
:Yo Champ, could you pop over to Snorlax's talk page? I sourced a quote about one of Chris's more disturbing habits-- sleeping in his mother's arms-- which apparently came from you. I don't want to put it on Snorlax's page until we get a confirmation that it's accurate, so if you could verify that before it goes out there, I would be in your debt. Thanks, man. [[User:Sygerrik|Sygerrik]] 20:52, 26 August 2010 (PDT)

== Hey ==

Thanks for protecting my user and talk pages. It helps me a lot because I'm trying to get a fresh start here after the fiasco that happened nearly 2 weeks ago.

==[[Autism]] page length, symptoms page?==

<blockquote>
Warning: This page is 37 kilobytes long; some browsers may have problems editing pages approaching or longer than 32kb. Please consider breaking the page into smaller sections. —''automated warning on editing the Autism page''
</blockquote>

I'm willing and would actually kind of like to rewrite the whole "Chris's symptoms" section into its own page with or without a list format. The bulk of what interests me as an autistic about Chris is his symptoms, his utter lack of insight into them, how they affect his life, what others can learn from that, and so on. Frankly, I know dick about Wiki writing and the culture that surrounds it, but I realize that I'm kind of a peon around here, that not everyone agrees with me on certain things, and that what I wrote would be subject to editing like anything else. It would shorten this article if nothing else. #sonichu suggested just paring down the section, which is actually kind of against what I personally feel is all of what can be taken away from this whole endeavor other than "lol wut a fag," so just as a heads-up, basically I'm just going to start blanking random articles until I get permabanned if that happens.

Anyway, let me know! —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 14:12, 3 September 2010 (PDT)

== Counting the Sighs ==

I noticed you suggested counting every one of Chris' sighs in the discussion page for [[Stress sigh]]. I was contemplating that myself; would you still be up for it? It would be a relatively large-scale undertaking but if we split the videos into chunks and had everyone pitch in to count five or ten videos it'd be done in no time. Afterwards a counter could be added to the front page, and we'd only need to update it whenever Chris released a new video. Plus we could throw a sigh count into all the video pages. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 21:10, 5 September 2010 (PDT)

==Jerkop==

Hi Champ, I's humbly submit myself for the jerkop position. I'll understand if the answer is no, I'll just keep doing my thing. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:10, 8 September 2010 (PDT)
:Grats Crass. Keeping on doing my thing... --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 18:13, 9 September 2010 (PDT)

== I wish to be a jerkop ==

I humbly submit my request to be a jerkop. However, I dunno if I can be one with all my previous faggotry between us (CWCki) and /cwc/.

If you need further contact, email me. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)
*yeah, you can't --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 17:41, 11 September 2010 (PDT)
:* k, gotcha [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 18:02, 11 September 2010 (PDT)

==Deleted comment==
Do you have an archive of deleted pages?
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 06:57, 25 September 2010 (PDT)

==Broken link==
On the Chris and Fashion page, link 14 on "the original" is broken and I have no idea how to fix it...I'm new to editing so I figured I tell you.--[[User:Lylelash|Lylelash]] 18:02, 30 September 2010 (PDT)

== Champ is such a dick ==
I didn't even do anything to the PVCC article and he wanted to stop my "bullshit" VIVA LA REVOLUTION -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 14:41, 29 October 2010 (PDT)
*I don't give a shit who you are Clyde, I won't tolerate your bullshit. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:46, 29 October 2010 (PDT)

== Fan Fiction ==

I have a Fan Fiction that I must post here, it needs peer review though! Any advice for posting, if posting here is still applicable? Thanks, [[User:The Brave|The Brave]] 18:40, 23 November 2010 (PST)
* No fanfics. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:53, 24 November 2010 (PST)

Well, to replace my brilliant and well-written fan fiction, I have gone through some of the articles and added to them elevated language, and some sorely-needed perspective. Thanks, [[User:The Brave|The Brave]] 18:42, 29 November 2010 (PST)
*A) There shouldn't be a comma after "brilliant". Making an error like that (on top of all the other grammatical errors you made in the Homos article) makes me question your skill as a writer. B) Don't advertise your shit here. C) You added like 2 lines to a couple articles, and your "sorely-needed perspective" was a tl;dr rant that is against the rules of the wiki. You suck forever. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 10:26, 30 November 2010 (PST)

I love you too Freecell...But I haven't advertised anything; if I was to advertise my shit, I would have posted a link. Instead of insulting me and my meager contributions, offer your allegiance and friendship to me. I am not the enemy, I am not the one you seek. We are all here for the same person, so let's stick to that. Thanks, [[User:The Brave|The Brave]] 15:32, 30 November 2010 (PST)

== What The Fuck Asshole! ==
I worked all fucking day on Sonichu: The Animated series, and while was adding the finishing touches and adding pictures you come along and fucking delete it. It was number 3 on the wanted pages. You're probably the same asshole who deleted my 4chan template. Fuck you faggot.
[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 17:27, 23 December 2010 (PST)
:It wasn't champ that deleted your faggot template, it was me. Also don't upload irrelevant pictures. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 18:12, 23 December 2010 (PST)

:The admins here aren't big fans of S:TAS after the guy who made it came here and did stupid shit. Now they'd rather not acknowledge that it ever existed. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 18:18, 23 December 2010 (PST)
:*This had nothing to do with my personal opinion of the series or anyone else's. It is a fan works and has no place on the CWCki. I don't need people justifying having pages for their shitty fanfics because of a S:TAS article. If (God forbid) Chris ever mentions it, there's a possibility it could be restored but we'll cross that bridge when the time comes. Until then, S:TAS has no place on the CWCki.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:22, 23 December 2010 (PST)

== Sightings ==

I made the article because I couldn't find the appropriate place for it, as for it's deletion, what about it was not up to the cwcki standard? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 21:03, 23 December 2010 (PST)CFA

== I want to be more involved with the CWCki ==

I spend too much time cooped up in PVCC. I want to help improve the CWCki by doing something other than casually editing a few lines of text when I'm browsing. I request an assignment sir. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 00:25, 1 January 2011 (PST)
::The link to Artist's Commune is dead, but I'll try my best to spice up the articles with some TRUE & HONEST CONTENT to start off.
:::*Ah, I swore we were calling it the Artist's Commune when it's really the [[CWCki:Artist Commune|Artist Commune]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:38, 2 January 2011 (PST)
::::Didn't think to check here, thanks for the link. I'm off from Sunday to Wednesday so I'll try to fix up some beautiful works of art then.

==HEY CHAMP==

Check it out there are no mods on the CWCki and everything is going to shit. I think we need new mods because the ones we have are always afk.

For reals, Anonymax hasn't even been here for a month and shit like that is starting to show. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 07:39, 17 January 2011 (PST)

Give me the reins and I'll whip this wiki into shape --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 13:01, 1 February 2011 (PST)

==Site Notice==

An anonymous individual (guess) suggested to me a few hours ago that [[MediaWiki:Sitenotice|this page]] be edited to alert people that they should visit the [http://hsienko.com/retardbin/ Retard Bin], the new, official, and trendy site for CWCki people to discuss Chris. I'm not sure if the message ever got to you, but I feel that I should let you make the decision. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 22:26, 30 January 2011 (PST)
*Do you really want the CWCki to be associated with something called "The Retard Bin"?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:20, 31 January 2011 (PST)

==I'm going to take a dump==

''[takes a dump in Champ's backyard]'' Okay Champ, clean that mess up! --[[User:Snuffleupagus|Snuffleupagus]] 06:41, 3 February 2011 (PST)

Oh... I was just heading over here to tattle on this person. How convenient. -- [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 02:55, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Talk:Heterochromia

2011-01-25T01:45:34Z

Draygoon:

Are there any particular close up images showing both of Chris's eyes?

Thing thats always gotten me, why would it turn one green? If it was a case of pinkeye, which is a bloodshot eye, if anything it would turn the eye brown.--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 22:25, 15 March 2009 (CET)
*I recall on the old PVCC someone who's mom was a nurse who said it's impossible to suffer that from eye changing as a result of pinkeye. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:43, 15 March 2009 (CET)
::Hmmm...it is noticeable in Blachu medallion photo, but difficult to detect elsewhere. [[User:Blusko|Blusko]] 08:11, 16 March 2009 (CET)
[[Image:Blachu Medallion.JPG|right|thumb|100px|mutant eyes]]

The "farts on pillow" thing is from some dumb movie, I think one of the American Pie sequels and not a purely Chris induced stupidity. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:28, 23 May 2009 (CEST)

*Ah okay, thanks. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:16, 24 May 2009 (CEST)
*It's from "Knocked Up." -- [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 17:45, 24 January 2011 (PST)

==Stub==
This article seems pretty complete and concise. Not the longest, but it has most relevant information and there is little that can be added. I removed the stub template. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 13:05, 25 October 2009 (CET)

== A Thought ==

"Chris often mistakenly colors his right eye blue and his left eye green in his comics." Perhaps a symptom of studying himself in the mirror to memorize his appearance? --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 17:52, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
:That's exactly what I was thinking. -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 12:52, 23 October 2010 (PDT)

==Sectioning==

Would it be a good idea to segregate this page into sections, such as IRL and Comic sections? We have quite a lot on his real-life stuff, but I feel that the comic/NIRL stuff could be elaborated further. I read through his comic a few months ago, and IIRC he does talk about it once or twice. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:15, 23 October 2010 (PDT)

China

2011-01-20T00:03:25Z

Draygoon:

[[Image:Pray_for_China.jpg|thumb|left|This is what Chris actually does. Also notice the comment from [[Jesus]] below.]]

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|Chris putting his fingers in China]]

[[Image:S_Republic_of_China.svg.png|thumb|right|YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.]]

[[Image:Mao.gif|thumb|right|[[Mao]] is not impressed with Chris's shit.]]

[[Image:China.JPG|thumb|right|If only it were that easy]]

{{quote|I love DYKES! DYKES! CHINA!|Chris}}

'''China''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for the vagina. [[Chris]] likes them along with dykes (or at least he might if he ever went near one, which he won't). He invented the euphemism because he feels uncomfortable saying the word "vagina", and finds solace in giving it the name of a [[CWCville|communist dictatorship]] (perhaps because Chris will never be allowed in either).

In his opening post on the [[Sonichu Girls]] forum, he expresses his love for the female genitalia, saying that each one is "truly a masterful work of [[God]]'s art that is simply beautiful in their own way.<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Introduction|Introduction post, Sonichu Girls]]</ref>" He then justifies his reverence for China by stating that he cares more about the [[women's rights|feelings and opinions of women]] than about their bodies.

Obviously confused when it comes to both euphemisms and basic units of measure, Chris has stated that he is sure to get "at least one ounce of vagina"<ref>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]</ref> within his lifetime. So far, he has not obtained so much as a milligram or even a micron of it.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008]]</ref>

It is worth noting (though almost certainly unknown to Chris) that during the Restoration Period, "china" was a euphemism for a woman's [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]], because both were in danger of being broken. This euphemism turns up in ''The Rape of the Lock''<ref>"Whether the nymph shall break Diana's law, / Or some frail china jar receive a flaw;" (105-106), http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/1645.html</ref> by Alexander Pope, who was slightly less ugly than Chris (despite being a crippled dwarf with deformed arms), and a much better [[Chris and writing|writer]].

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==Vaginatables==
Alternative CWC-ism for vaginas, used in Chris's alternative e-mail "ILuvVaginatables@aol.com" from his [http://www.networksolutions.com/whois-search/sonichuandrosechu.com whois info for sonichuandrosechu.com].

It is well known that vaginatables are a national delicacy in China, especially when placed in brine juice to create [[pickles]].

==Tom-Tom==
[[Image:tomtom.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris's duck hungers for one of these. Note the bend in the route.]]
Another alternate CWC-ism for vaginas. Showed up in [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009]], in an annotation, though Chris's usage of the term can be found as early as [[March 2008]] when he [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#March_2008|edited ED]] by replacing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] with an image entitled "[[:File:TomTomCloseup.jpg|TomTomCloseup.jpg]]" which featured a closeup of Megan's genitalia from ShecameforCWC.

It should be noted that Chris is incapable of coming up with original ideas, and even this bizarre terminology was stolen. "Pound My Tom-Tom" was a short music video that debuted during the credits of the [[Adult Swim]] show "Lucy the Daughter of the Devil."<ref>''Also, "Tom-Tom" means VAGINA; Look it up in Episode 10 of [[Adult Swim]]'s "Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil,"'' description from [[LOOK at the truth!]]</ref> Humorously, the gag in the episode was that this is a particularly ''bad'' euphemism for vagina, and one of the characters embarrassed themselves by using it in public.
{{clear}}
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==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickles]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

File:China.JPG

2011-01-20T00:01:19Z

Draygoon: Chris hasn't tried here

Chris hasn't tried here

Talk:Autism

2011-01-04T07:12:25Z

Draygoon: /* This goes here? */ new section

==To do==
*List things Chris has blamed on his autism (like inability to get a girlfriend).
*the e-mail from the Miyamoto saga where he discusses the differences between autism and Asperger's syndrome.
*possible insight from the song [[A-U-T-ISM]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:39, 23 March 2009 (CET)

== Question for people who know anything about psychology ==

This is just something I was thinking lately - I realised that good character design needs empathy too. Would anyone say that Chris's lack of empathy also shows up in his character designs? Because to me, he seems to be unable to come up with characters that are outside of his own capabilities, or their polar opposites. His "hero" characters all seem to think like he does. For example, Simonla (or whoever it was) in the date ed episode wanted to name her daughter before she's even found her date - ''because that's what Chris does too''. His villain characters seem to be all based on his views and prejudices, and polar opposites of what he believes in, which makes it easier for him to picture them. Just look at Jason's rant in the Rage Against Garbage: rather than giving the characters unique personalities, he makes them list why they are evil. Good guys are good guys because they do things that are positive in Chris's mind, and bad guys are bad because they do things Chris doesn't approve of. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 13:30, 11 July 2009 (CEST)
*I think that's a fair thing to say. That's why most autistics and ASS PIES tend to become physicists or mathematicians and not writers and poets. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:44, 23 November 2009 (CET)

== Autism papers==
Incorporate shit from [[Autism papers]] into here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:44, 23 November 2009 (CET)

==Chris and Asperger Syndrome==
I propose that we make this into a section on this article, as Chris has made his childish stance on Asperger's pretty clear. He went from seemingly confusing it as Alzheimer's Disease to out right denying it as an Autistic Spectrum Disorder or even a disorder similar to autism for some other kind of issue, likely an egotistical one. What does everyone else think?--[[User:Goatselover|Goatselover]] 20:17, 28 November 2009 (CET)
* Not a bad idea. The Asperger's paragraph takes up a big chunk of the intro there, and I think I some more grist for that mill has shown up since that bit was written. Chris is still confused on the whole Alzheimer's/Asperger's tip, he obviously had them mixed up during the Father Call. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 20:31, 28 November 2009 (CET)

With his recent rants on the subject, which seem to indicate that he hates aspies the same way he hates homos, I'm thinking Aspergers Might deserve it's own article. Anyone with me on this? --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:02, 5 December 2009 (CET)
* Yeah, if people wanna break down the comparison between autism and Asperger's in detail and extensively excerpt from the reams of all-over-the-map stupid shit Chris has said about it in the Mailbag, I think that should be its own article. Like I say, I thought the subsection of this article was getting way too big and unwieldy with all the pull quotes and whatnot. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:15, 5 December 2009 (CET)
*Very good idea. I was going to transform the Asperger's CWCipedia article into it but I think we can still have a separate article on Asperger's and another of just CWCipedia's article since it's a major Chris writing that explains the difference. But definitely, Asperger's can become a separate article since we have a lot of details now, not to mention it's a huge, recurring theme in the Mailbag which can also be documented. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:02, 5 December 2009 (CET)

I think that it really needs to be noted that many people think of "Aspergers" and "high-functioning autism" as being essentially identical and interchangeable, so for that reason, a lot of people assume that Chris "has" Aspergers (whatever that means) and/or claims to have Aspergers (which is definitely not true). I'm not even sure if there really is a universal consensus regarding a distinction between the two. [[User:Senzuri|Senzuri]] 16:27, 5 December 2009 (CET)

Asperger's syndrome should still be mentioned here, as people might be coming here expecting to see something about Asperger's, so something brief about how Chris views Asperger's syndrome as being different from autism, with a ''Main article: [[Asperger's syndrome]].'' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:51, 19 December 2009 (CET)

==Does he even have any idea what autism is?==

He seems to talk a lot about his "autistic shell" and the autism "putting the mute button on him" when he was younger. Is there any evidence to suggest that he thinks autism is anything other than just difficulty speaking?

True, there are language delays associated with autism, but his description of his autistic shell sounds more like anxiety over knowing that every single social interaction he's ever been in before whichever one he's in his autistic shell over has failed miserably. His fucked-up and out-of-control behavior that he refuses to do anything about trying to change is more symptomatic of autism than his knowing other people aren't going to respond well to it. I mean, if you were a grown man thinking about blithering on to a decent human being about the piece-of-shit, sexually perverse, rip-off children's comic you center your life around but never draw, wouldn't you be a little anxious about it, too?

Am I just fucked up here, or...? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 19:18, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
: I'm pretty sure that he has a general idea about what it is and what it does, but since this is Chris we're talking about; I doubt that we should expect him to understand all of it. --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 19:28, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
::Maybe. I mean, maybe he can define it or read off a printout of a description of it or whatever, but can you think of any specific reference he's made to any symptom in his life other than having difficulty talking? Not in general like just that he's a virgin or something—not that he doesn't blame that on not talking and people hating autistic people or whatever. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 05:16, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::I think you're on to something. I don't know that there's much we can actually write about it, because most of what there is to say would be guesswork and inference, but I'd wager that most of what Chris knows about autism boils down to: one, he has it, two, it makes him special, and three, it's a catch-all excuse. The autism awareness/sports bra video might be a springboard for adding a new section to the article, maybe - when Chris wanted to talk about autism in any kind of detail he had to print himself out a crib sheet from Wikipedia. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 11:34, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::: Well, he definitely doesn't understand all of it, but I can imagine his parents nagging him about it to an extend where he at least has a general idea of what it does. I agree with Dkaien though, you're definitely on to something. --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 12:14, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::: I can definitely understand wanting to avoid guesswork and inference. Obviously, no one knows exactly what's going on inside someone else's head. I guess at the very least I'm suggesting a list of things Chris ''hasn't'' blamed on his autism that maybe he should. He claims to hate autism and want a cure for it and this and that, but then he fucking ''loves'' Sonichu as though Sonichu isn't just a major, debilitating symptom or outgrowth of the autism. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 03:45, 21 May 2010 (UTC)

== Not entirely Chris related, but... ==

I just read an article in popular science about how there are more autistics now than trained therapists, so to cope with he shortage people are inventing "theraputic robots" that somehow make it easier for autistic children to be sociable. The results are pretty hit-and-miss at this stage but what I took away was that autistics are better at handling predictable machines, but could be gradually exposed to more unpredictable circumstances. Maybe we could apply this in future plans? I think the reason CWCipedia collapsed was either our trolling became too predictable, or we made his "comfort zone" too sporadic. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:30, 29 May 2010 (UTC)
:0.5% of the entire population is autistic and they recon that that population is rising, however autism is over-diagnosed. On Chris ide think the best way to troll him is to claim that he is not autistic and/or simply retarded. [[User:Leekduck|Leekduck]]
:Hmmmm! That idea ain't too shabby! I'd suggest discussing it in the troll forums. Perhaps that way we can finally obtain the Holy Grail of fail?---[[User:Bealtespip122|Bealtespip122]] 10:12, 4 September 2010 (PDT)

== List of autistics ==

Should we make a list of succesful people who have or are thought to have autism, and compare them to chris? I know of a lot of famous people who were diagnosed with autism, and a lot of people who were thought to have it.
*I was thinking about this for a while, but I don't really see how a detailed comparison is better than just saying "Chris does shit he can't blame on autism". What would be the advantage of this? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 06:09, 20 December 2010 (PST)
*I think something like that would be too distracting to the Chris focus that the article should have, not to mention people who want to see such as list can find one elsewhere. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:40, 20 December 2010 (PST)
* how about we make a link to the wikipedia for it --[[User:MrMaXimo|MrMaXimo]] 12:17 24 December 2010 (PST)

== This goes here? ==

I was reading over the last e-mail exchange with Jackie and Chris's phrase "Hurtful Truth Level" jumped out at me as another example of him making things concrete in his mind, such as Scale of Respect or Heart Level. I made mention of it in what I think is the proper place in this article, but I was wondering if it deserves its own CWC-ism. [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 23:12, 3 January 2011 (PST)

Autism

2011-01-04T07:08:38Z

Draygoon:

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{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}

{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATcI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]

'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[100 2178|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris, in typical Chris fashion, not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his ego|special significance]], but also seems to think that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism. Because, y'know, everything to do with Chris has to be [[slow-in-the-minds|special]]. Because he's autistic, Chris is, naturally, better than everyone else (because having autism automatically makes him a genius), and everyone should acknowledge how utterly brilliant he is. At the same time, Chris is not responsible for anything he ever does wrong, because he is autistic and that means it's not his fault if he [[Twin Falling Towers|does]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|stupid]] [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|things]].

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; i.e., high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, fluent speech, and about-average intellect. This lets Chris have it both ways: you can't blame him for his failures because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's retarded because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, even the most casual of observers would conclude that Chris is basically non-functioning.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> In his [[Father Call|phone call to Matt Devoria]]. The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-nazi he is.

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.{{cite}} Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Bob|his]] [[Barb|parents]], has never had a real girlfriend, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|shits his pants]] on a semiregular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Despite all this, though, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]], yet he has failed to do anything with his life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are utterly his fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "God put the mute button on me." Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Autism Characteristics]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far, far more likely that one or both of Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development.

It is not currently clear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrating Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g., throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's [[Chris and Rape|tactful and sensitive]] comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger Syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome "Missing White Woman Syndrome"], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular (albeit idiotic) guy with a few "eccentricities" (more like psychotic), or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|left|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not Ian Brandon Anderson and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. One need only see his extensive [[list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his pinkeye and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin.

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13 year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them. It should be noted that the two have entirely different skin colors.

*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing relationships. Many neurotypical people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily.
**His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
**In the [[Jackie E-mails 23|final exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to Jackie's frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by telling her she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level," as if such a thing existed. While he knows people are supposed to be appreciative of hearing the truth about themselves, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]].

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor Roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not lying off his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[continuity#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris's given reasons for his love of [[My Little Pony]] are also indicative of autism. Autistics are drawn to physical sensations which give them a feeling of being 'grounded', and this is probably why Chris finds stroking the hair of these toys so "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|therapeutic]]".

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has an evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PS3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects.

*Believe it or not, the gastrointestinal problems are also indicative of autism.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.

Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex is too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a geniunely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|the disorder did not even exist before he was born]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he opined that our society is spending so much time on the internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with no social contact should not attempt social commentary. Well, that and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. More recently he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents (Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived) are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref>

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In more recent years (specifically, during [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009, he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered on Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed urban myth alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up - in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a superior tier of social retardation.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is [[List of Chris's lies|the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.]]

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained his autism and is back to [[Chris on Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. Or he forgot that he even had the above conversation and is just retarded.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend) he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but to live a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics", you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so in reality he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics than himself "windows onto hell" and regards them with [[Chris and Hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]]. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Episode_19#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even for [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can be speculated from this that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem very unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel", that is to say it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window onto hell".

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic ]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QdGOGV7WX0 The Tard-Man - Autistic Adventures - Director's Cut]
*[http://www.autismuk.com/index9sub.htm Sexuality and Autism]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

User talk:Acousticvirgin

2011-01-02T13:00:09Z

Draygoon:

Thank you for transcribing the Lar's Call. You did an amazing job. I know other people helped too, but wow you did a lot of it. -- [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 02:33, 19 November 2010 (PST)

I love the Chores page. Excellent work. Thanks for the laughs![[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 05:00, 2 January 2011 (PST)

Talk:Jackie E-mails 23

2011-01-02T12:14:29Z

Draygoon:

Holy fuck, did I really do that for... 17 sets of e-mails? Well; spielcheck, grammar, links, and format, fellas, 'cause I'm tired and got a final in the morning.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 02:01, 3 December 2010 (PST)

I made a minor edit just to fix the benefits & blah blah blah. If no one likes it you guys can change it to whatever u guys like. [[User:ShinGokuIAM|ShinGokuIAM]] 10:40, 6 December 2010 (PST)

How repeatedly does Chris have to say something for it to be considered a CWCism? "Hurtful Truth Level" is sticking out at me as one of those times where he has to simplify an abstract concept into something quantifiable like a video game level in order for him to understand it. [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 04:14, 2 January 2011 (PST)

A Public Announcement for Congress

2010-10-19T05:46:01Z

Draygoon:

'''A Public Announcement for Congress''' is a video Chris uploaded to YouTube early on 19 October 2010. The "for Congress" part apparently represents some confusion or misconception on his part, because the video actually consists of a stump speech directed at the American people, outlining the policies Chris would advance if he were president.

Chris offers a number of initiatives that would give [[tugboat|free money]] to [[Bob|senior citizens]] and the homeless, while also proposing that taxes be slashed to a tiny fraction of their current rates. In addition, he suggests that all of the guns should go to the [[jerkops|police]], and that [[Homos|gay people]] would be accepted in his [[CWCVille|Utopian society]], so long as he didn't have to notice that they exist.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Public Announcement for Congress
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ghfoOqS2mM8}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[Vitameatavegamin]]
| next = Current
}}

[[Image:Dope1.jpg|thumb|]]
==Transcript==
Good evening, friends. As your presidential candidate, I will now state how I feel, what we can do to improve this, these nations, these states. For one thing, we got so many poor people out on the streets. I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have soup beds. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS! So that there would be a bed for every homeless person until they can get back up on their own feet. Also, lower taxes. I will propose lower taxes, and we shall not have to pay so much. Five percent is okay, but why not two point five percent? And we will not cut off any benefits for the old people. They are good. And we shall give them plenty of money so they can afford the medications and services to keep them alive, because we do not pay for when we are sick, we pay for our good health! And we only pay after we're healthy. We're in good health. We pay to stay alive, we do not pay to die.

And, speaking of which, too much violence goes on within these city streets. I will propose only gun distribution to the official authority, which shall be the post-, which shall be within the police departments. Nowhere else. And all guns owned by locals, community people, shall be taken away. At least the bullets. When the bullets are necessary, or when there is an outbreak of violence from another nation or planet, then we shall issue the bullets. At all-, at free stations, to be opened immediately. Otherwise we'll send in our special troops. Our special force.

And also, we will be okay to have the gays within our community. In all states! There will be gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations. I mean, keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody, 'cause mup- the- mag- what may be right for you, may not be right for most. For some. You take the good from the bad and then you get an opening statement like mine.

People need to appreciate life, so we will not have to face death. I lost my train of thought there, but that's okay. I am only human! We are all human! I am a noble, honest person. No matter what e'erbody else may say, even on the Internet, and my opponent, Señor Cachez de Clyyyyde. He tells liiies about me! And so do the trolls that have be-trolled me over the Internet. Their jeers, and non-cheers, do not go appreciated. Because it is not everybody who can take a joke. Even when it's at their own expense.

And with that, I will propose Internet securities, reinforced by the FBI, and there will be patrol stations of the Trollbusters around these United States. Any repor-, any troll activity that you may be suspicious of an individual, you report to your local authority! And they will tell, and then they will inform the local FBI station within that state. And then they will investigate thoroughly! Over the wireless that is called the Internet! And they will trace the e-mails back to the origin home address or location. And they will be apprehended and fined or sentenced, depending on how CRUEL they are to the victim.

I stand strong, I stand firm, I AM A NOBLE LEADER! And if I am elected, I will do my best to keep our America strong and sound, and not go down the drain. I'm sorry, Obama, I did vote for you, but I gotta agree with my father, you are bringing us, somuss- some of the situations downhill. But I have nothing against you because I did vote for you. And I liked your documentary on A&E. I would shake your hand at the first opportunity I would to meet you, Mr. President.

And thou- er- fore, I shall conclude my opening statement. In the candisacy of the president, I say, I will do my best! And I am not lazy! Thank you.

This ad is not real. I'm not being, going to be elected president, but I tell the truth nonetheless of what I would do if I were to become president. Thank you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Gilligan Be or Not]]|nextlink=[[A Public Announcement for Congress|Current]]}}

File:Dope1.jpg

2010-10-19T05:40:32Z

Draygoon:

User:Draygoon

2010-09-14T13:03:47Z

Draygoon:

I usually just read and don't feel compelled to speak up unless I think of something nobody else seems to have noticed.
{{Americunt}}

Template:Da update

2010-07-10T02:36:58Z

Draygoon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 9 July - Chris is spotted yet again at [[Fridays After Five]].
* 4 July - Chris is spotted at McIntire Park.
* 3 July - Chris has been spotted at the [[Coffee Place]].
* 2 July - For reuploading [[Don'tGetTrolled!]], [[RandomHumor1|Part Two of his random humour series]], the [[Tagged Flipnote]], and, of course, [[RomanticLabyrinth]], Chris is banned permanently from uploading any more Flipnotes. This is the end of the Flipnote Hatena Tracker. Have a great day!
* 1 July - A number of Flipnotes are removed, presumably because they were overrun by trolls. Only the [[Random Access Humor]] remains. Later that day, Chris uploads [[My apologies]], in which he announces that he is disabling comments on his flipnotes because of trolls. This flipnote is then deleted.
* 30 June - Chris uploads [[CWC 3D Voice Check]], this time showcasing his abilities in 3d and his [[Donald Duck impersonation|good impressions]]. Soon after, this video was mysteriously removed.
* 29 June - Chris uploads [[An Ol' Classic Dream]], practically breaking all Flipnote Hatena rules, and wanting attention just for an uncensored version. Then, it gets removed, but he reposts it again, but gets removed hours later. Then, the third got removed a minute after posting. Will he ever learn? He puts up a [[For_Women_ONLY|fourth Flipnote]], which reuses the Sonichu and Rosechu from [[Edit Me]] and shouts out to all the wimmens. (SPOILER: He doesn't learn, ever.)

('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, including new videos, family news and updates to ongoing [[saga]]s. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Regina e-mails

2010-06-27T04:14:16Z

Draygoon:

'''Regina Novakova''' was a [[Molvania|Czech]] student studying abroad at UVA. She had her father's help to purchase [[Chris]]'s ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s [[online]] over [[eBay]] and the two soon began communication regarding the transaction.

Unfortunately for Regina, Chris took this opportunity to start his [[Rape|perverted advances]] over someone who never expressed an interest in him to begin with. The tone eventually shifted and Chris became his usual lazy self and then discontinued all contact, probably so he could sit around on his fat ass and be [[retarded]], his favorite leisure time activity, apart from [[Mass Debating|mass debating]].

These e-mails were obtained by hacking into Regina's email account. As of this date, her whereabouts are unknown but it is assumed that she is busy studying and being productive, unlike Chris. We wish her the best and hope that Chris never crosses her path again.

Note that these emails take place in late September/early October 2009, right around the time [[Barbara|Snorlax]] was [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_9th,_2009|battling AIDS]].

==Correspondence==
====First contact====
{{EmailReply|My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I was just in touch with your father, Walter Kovacs, and he has informed me that I will be exchanging the business of him buying the two Guitars from me on eBay with you. The total amount due is 110.99, cash only if picking up in person, please. He was unsure of your phone number, if you have one, but if you have one, you may call me back at 434-760-0848 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 434-760-0848 end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 434-760-0848 end_of_the_skype_highlighting.

What is your name, if I may ask? And he says you are going to a university here in Virginia; are you going to [[University of Virginia|UVA]] in [[Charlottesville]]?

I await your call or reply.

Have a nice day.
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}
====Addendum to first contact====
{{EmailReply|Upon personal pick-up, the total without shipping is 91.99}}
====Regina appears====
{{Email|Hey!!!!

You caught me at the perfect time!! I was just checking my emails before going out!

Yeah, he doesn't know my phone number cause I don't have one yet :( I just moved here from the Czech republic as a foreign student and I haven't got a cell phone yet. We've been communicating by Skype. It's a nightmare!!!! I want to get a contract but I have to get all this extra visa stuff sorted out!

I am totally going to UVA! BA in philosophy! It looks hard but I am up to the challenge.

My name is Regina by the way. I see from your email that your name is Christian! That's totally cool cause my brother's name is Christian. But in Czech we spell it Kristian.

So I'll get my dad to wire me the money. I am pretty busy sorting out official stuff and meeting new people. Is it possible we can set up a meet in a week or so? Is that too late? I really hope not! Thanks by the way!!!!

If I can get this cell nightmare worked out I will send you the number ASAP!!

Have a great day!!!!!
Regina}}
====Chris the philosopher====
[[Image:ECP_00015.jpg|thumb|Chris attached this image. It may as well have served as a warning.]]
{{EmailReply|It is nice to make your acquaintance, Regina. A meeting in a week is good. It is so cool you are going to UVA, because it is only about half to a full hour from my house in [[Ruckersville]], North of UVA up 29.

I have talked on Skype before, it can be a pain sometimes with [[Autism|miscommunications]] and the fees to call a phone number sometimes. At least it is one way to be in talking touch.

I went to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], where I got an Associates Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design in 2006. I would use the computer program to design 3D rendered models of mechanical parts and buildings. I even finished my final CADD class with a bang designing a Whole Shopping Mall, Two Stories and a Mayor's Office on the second floor looking over the front entrance. It is huge. :)

I sometimes have [[CWCFlyingElephants|philosophical thoughts]], although I'm not all that knowledgeable in philosophy, perhaps you can inform me about it, even as your own review for your tests/exams.

I look forward to talking with you more and meeting you. Please tell me more about yourself in your next message, and I will tell you more as well. Also, I've attached a current photo of myself to this e-mail.

TTYL. :)
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====About Regina====
{{Email|About me? Well, I like running, video games and music. But I really don't have much time for them. I spent a lot of time working in my father's company in the past. He used to get me to help him with English. He is learning but he still isn't very good yet, as you might have noticed. But now I have come to America to study! I'm from Liberec in the Czech Republic, but me and my family moved to Prague when my father started his company. Have you ever been to Prague? It's amazing!

I know a lot about philosophy! I love it!!! I have studied it forever. I can't wait to learn more by going to university!

I never heard of CADD before, I had to look it up lol. Do you work as a designer or something?

Till later.
Na shledanou (That's Czech)
Regina.}}
====Still selling?====
{{Email|Hey did you get my last email?

Haven't heard from you in a bit. Are you still going to sell me your guitar hero controllers? I was thinking of collecting them Monday the 5th, cause I have lots of free time then.

Let me know.

Yours,
Regina.}}
====Tiny hints of creepyness====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying to you; I hadn't checked my e-mail over the weekend. The last e-mail I got from you was the one I last replied to. Did you get the picture I sent you? You may need to resend the last e-mail you said you sent.

Anyway, yes I still plan to sell you the guitars; Monday the 5th is good. We can meet up at the Barracks Road [[McDonalds]] at about 2 or 3 PM, and after the business, you and I can [[Rape|hang out for a while]].

Tell me, do you live in one of the dormatries around the UVA, or do you have your own place? And I still would like to hear more about you.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Slightly larger hints of creepyness====
{{EmailReply|Wow. :)

You learned [[Chris and English|english]] before your father, and you help him learn it, that is cool. What does he manufacture or do in his company? And how about your mother, does she still live with him? I have not been to Prague, but I'll look it up, and you can tell me more about it from your Point of View.

I am an avid designer, yes, yet [[Monthly tugboat|it's kinda hard to get such a job]] around Charlottesville at the time. I am also an [[Chris and art|artist]]; I will be delighted to share with you my original drawings and other artworks.

Gmail is okay; I was [[Jack Thaddeus E-Mails|in contact before]] with [[Jack Thaddeus|someone]] who had one; one or two pieces of e-mail get misplaced a bit, but we sorted out the miscommunications.

As for the McDonalds I was referring to, there is only one Barnes & Nobel Bookstore in Charlottesville; find it, and that McDonalds is nearby.

I'm currently living with my [[Barbara|mother]] and [[Bob|father]], but [[Lie|I too am looking forward to getting a place of my own]], or sharin' a pad with my girlfriend (if I had one; I'm [[Virgin with rage|single]]). If things work out for you, I would be happy to be your roommate and help out.

A bit more info about myself, I'm 5'10", about [[Obesity|average body type]], my left eye is blue/right eye is green ([[Honest content|I had pink eye in my right during High School]], and my perscribed eyedrops changed its pigment), my hair is brown, my favorite color is blue/favorite shade is Crayola's "Battery-Charged Blue", I enjoyed reading R.L. Stein's "Goosebumps" and "Fear Street" books during my teenage years, my favorite movie of all time is "[[Mary Poppins]]", and my favorite food is Macaroni & Cheese.

I gtg, but I look forward to your next message and replying to it. :)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Chris.}}
====More about Regina====
{{Email|Yeah, my dad grew up under the Communist system. So he had to learn Russian because they didn't teach English back then. He does really well though. His company makes clay and ceramic tiles by the way. Among other things.

Prague is one of the greatest cities in the world! We call it the Paris of the East. I attached a picture I took from my graduation trip. For a party we took a boat trip on the Vltava and I took this picture of the castle. It was such an awesome day. There are so many things to see and do. It is quite possibly the best place in Europe. But it feels good to get away for a while.

That's too bad about the jobs. I guess this financial crisis makes it hard to find work. It must be hard to make ends meet. I guess not a lot of people are building things so it must be hard to work as a designer. Do you do like freelance stuff? Cause I guess that would be REALLY hard to find work.

I guess I can look that McDonalds up on google maps or something. I'll find it. I just don't know cause I never eat there. Barnes and Noble is a book store right?

You're looking for a place too? I'm trying to find a 2 bedroom apartment around UVA for around 800$. I'm not sure how realistic that is yet. Most of the people I know are staying with family to keep things cheap. I'm kinda lucky cause my dad can help out and I saved up a lot. I'm trying to convince some of my friends so if they turn me down, I'll let you know. Are you a tidy guy? Do you smoke? Do you like parties? I like to have the occasional party.

I guess I can tell you a bit more about me. I'm blond with brown eyes. I'm pretty short. Only 161 centimetres. I'm sorry cause I'm really not used to these American measurements yet so I don't know what that is in inches...

I have to admit, I have never heard of any of those books. I read a lot of Kafka. I didn't like him at first but I gradually grew to like him. He's Czech so we had to read a lot of his books in school. I've never heard of Mary Poppins. I don't really watch American movies. I like them but most of the films I watch are European. I've heard many things about macaroni and cheese. But I'm kind of hesitant to try it. American cheese scares me. I have a CRAZY love for PEANUT BUTTER though.

What's pinkeye?

Na shledanou!
Regina.}}
====Chris rambles about himself====
{{EmailReply|To answer your questions, I consider myself a [[Chris and health|tidy person]], I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]], and I like parties ([[Alcohol|I'm a social drinker]]). Yet I'm willing to stay dry to be a desiginated driver.

[[List of Chris's Lies|I do a bit of freelance artwork]], I was hoping to save this until when we met in person, but I am the [[Chris and copyright|original creator]] of the Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokemon|Pok'emon]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and their city of [[Cwcville]], VA. I have been internet famous for a few years, so I have [[Trolls|fans]] and [[Clyde Cash|internet bullies]]. The main Official Websites for Sonichu and Rosechu are
[[CWCipedia]], Cwcipedia/CWC's Sonichu Site, and my Current [[YouTube]] account, "ChristianWChandler". Other similar websites that may be similar or calim to be "Official" are NOT. I am planning on getting paper-published soon, and there is no Official Merchandise available yet. I have all the original page drawings and my other original artworks here at my house.

And the Pinkeye, as stated on the "Pinkeye" article on Wikipedia, "Conjunctivitis (commonly called "pink eye" or "Madras eye") is an inflammation of the conjunctiva (the outermost layer of the eye and the inner surface of the eyelids), most commonly due to an allergic reaction or an infection (usually viral, but sometimes bacterial)."

Getting back to your last e-mail, clay and ceramic tiles, that is cool. I have a cousin who used to sell ceramic pieces and statues, but he gave that up to become the Sheriff of his hometown. My father is a retired Engineer from General Electric (GE); he also was the Designer of the controls of the Plastic-Molding Machines, so without him, you would not have the plastic on your PC's keyboard, or the plastic on the 2-Liter soda bottles.

I enjoyed the picture of the Vitava castle you sent me, thank you. :) I'm happy you were able to enjoy it.

<nowiki>Also, I just checked the math; at the rate of 2.5 cm = 1 inch, and 12 inches = 1 foot, 161 cm = 64.4 inches, whichs makes you about 5 feet, 4.4 inches. You're only just under 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than me.</nowiki>

Oh, and Barnes and Nobel IS a bookstore. Let me give you a directional piece, if you know where the interception of Ivy and Emmet is; down the road by UVA's "The Corner", passing by the road leading to the Alderman Library, ending by the Soccer Field and Tennis Courts. You go North on Emmet, and continue down until you see a Taco Bell on the left side, the McDonalds, Barnes & Nobel and the Barracks Road Shopping Center those are in are just beyond the Taco Bell. You also pass the John Paul Jones Arena on the way.

I may be able to help you on your apartment search. there is a website, http://www.craigslist.com, you go there, look up Virginia, then Charlottesville, then Apartments, they have listings from people who want to rent or sell apartments and other things.

You can look up Goosebumps and Fear Street at the libraries around town, under the "Young Adults" section, if you're looking for something new to read. I have read Franz Kafka a bit in High School; we read
"Metamorphasis". I enjoyed the comparisons between the busy salesman life he had, and what it would feel like to be a bug; so miniscule in life, with a lot of people stepping on you here and there.

Mostly, Macaroni and Cheese is made with Chedder, or sometimes it can be made with Swiss. And I enjoy the occasional peanut butter sandwich, it is a [[Chris_and_health#Nutrition|healthy choice]]. :)

Do you have a headshot photo of yourself you can share with me, please? I shared my headshot with you, and I would feel better if I can get a preview of your face. Also, I am 27 years old, how about you? And are you a bit of a drinker too?

I'm only curious. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL, Chris.}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that====
{{Email|Ok, that's cool that you are tidy. If my friends don't pull through, I'll keep you in mind.

Ok, so I'm a bit confused. Pokemons are those Japanese card game things right? So you designed some characters for these cards or video games? That's pretty cool. Does sonichu or rosechu mean something in Japanese? This isn't my computer. It belongs to my aunt (she's the family member I'm living with) and she needs it for work a lot. So I will have to check out your portfolio site or whatever later.

Pinkeye sounds really gross.

Ok, thanks for the directions. I will see if I can get my friend to swing by with her car on Monday and we'll go pick them up. I don't think it will be a problem.

Thanks for the advice about Craigslist. I had already been checking it. I'm looking at a few possibilities.

Thanks for the book recommendations too, but I don't think I'll have time to check those out. I'll probably be too busy reading philosophy books for university. So you read Kafka? Only The Metamorphosis? My
favourite from him is The Trial. Have you read it?

I tried one of these easy to make macaroni and cheese boxes last night. It was pretty horrible. I had to first get over the fact that the cheese was a powder, then I tried to eat it. I really didn't like it. My aunt eats it though. I just can't seem to get used to American cheese. Especially powdered. You don't make it like in Europe.

A headshot? Like for actors? I don't have any professional photos like that, but I can attach a normal one. I guess it makes sense cause you will have to recognise me. Here's a picture of me and my brother. This is from the last time we went camping.

I'm 20 years old. Which means I can't drink here. I like to have social drinks. In the Czech republic you can drink at 18. So It's really annoying. So sometimes I just drink with my friends at home when we can find someone who is old enough to get us a bottle of wine.

Talk soon I hope.

Na shledanou,
Regina.}}
====Random access humor demonstration====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your picture. You are soo cute and pretty. :)

FYI, Pokemon started as a video game on Nintendo Game Boy, then it became an anime, followed by the Trading Card Game. Sonichu and Rosechu are not japanese names, [[Lie|although the inspiration for "Sonichu" came from Sonic the Hedgehog's japanese name, "Soniku"]].

I will look up and read "The Trial", thank you for recommending it to me.

They have Macaroni and Cheese premade in the frozen food aisle of the grocery stores, I personally recommend the Marie Calandar brand; it is good, and it's inexpensive.

Maybe after you and I meet, I can come by your place and bring a spot of wine or something for you. ;)

I talked to my father about you a bit, and my father went on with his stories of Czechoslovakia; he's been a bit around the world, and he studies his atlases and maps. He informed me about what had happened there during the WWII and such. Clearify it for me and him, is the country split up like Czech and Slovak Republics, or is it still combined to Czechoslovakia?

Also, my father had some friends back in the late 1970s who were from Czechoslovakia; they had left there for America illegally, so they could never go back. Anyway, my dad and mom enjoyed conversing with them, and they all would also share the Slivovitch (Plum Brandy) they would bring over. He really enjoyed it, it came in this perfume bottle-shaped bottle with plums on the label. Locally, the closest place to find the Slivovitch, as far as my dad knows, is just north in Maryland.

You would likely have an enjoyable conversation of Czechoslovakia, or the Czech Republic, with him. I'm not all that knowledgeable in geography personally, but I can learn.

Another little something else about me, I can be funny; sometimes I'll [[Random Access Humor|think of something silly, witty or random]] that makes me and my family smile and/or laugh about. Like for example, I used to go on about people with Hippopotami on their heads. :D Or this man from Nantucket who had on his head a bucket. :D Even a Lawer named Tom Sawer who had a daughter named Sue. :D And recently a silly song line of a cow named Moo, "Hey there, Moo, wha'cha gonna do? Are you gonna give me some milk today? Moo. Moo." :D

And sometimes, I like to take words, spell them backwards and say them like that. My name, "Christian Weston Chandler" would be "[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]". Or your name, "Regina Kovacs" would be "Scavok [[Niggos|Aniger]]". And sometimes, I take numbers and replace letters in words with them. 1 can be I, L or J. 2 can be Q, R, S, Z. 3 can be B, E, M, N or W. And so on for the other single digits; all it takes is a spot of imagination. I can spell my first name as CH2127143 from CHRISTIAN.

I'll stop for now, and I understand if you're feeling confused from the wordplay. But I can be quite creative and clever.

So our meeting is set then, Monday the 5th, 2:00 PM, at the Barracks Road McDonalds. We can get the guitar business done, then sit, talk and I'll be happy to treat you for lunch. I look forward to seeing you, and I feel this can be a good friendship. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Love and Peace,
Chris.

P.S.

BTW, "Na shledanou", is that Czech for "Love" or "Sincerely"?}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that bullshit====
{{Email|Hey thanks for the compliment! I think I am a little too thin though. It's not a very good pic though. I didn't bring my computer with me cause I need to buy a new one, so I saved most of my stuff on CDs before I came. That's the only one I could find of me. Somewhere around here I have pics from my graduation which are really cool but I don't know where.

So is this Soniku thing pretty profitable? I always wondered if people who design stuff for video games make a lot of money and if it is hard work or a lot of fun. Designing video games sounds like something that would be fun, but I have zero artistic talent and I don't think I could ever master all this digital design stuff. I just like playing them.

To be honest, I think I will steer clear of macaroni and cheese for the time being. American cheese in general isn't really appealing to me. It's all processed and everything. It doesn't seem like it would be all that good for you. But I don't really know. I'm just not a fan.

Wine is pretty good. I like white. Do you know any American brands that are really good wine? I have tried a couple from California but I want to get a good sampling. You don't need to buy me any, I think you could get in trouble or something right? My country is better known for beer, though I am not the biggest fan of it.

I don't understand if you said your dad has been to the Czech republic or he knows a lot about it. I can certainly clarify it for both of you! In 1989, communism ended in what we call the sametová revoluce, think in English it's called the soft revolution or the velvet revolution or something like that. Then, a couple of years later, there was a referendum and we decided to split up. On January 1st 1993, we became two countries again.

Your dad has tried slivovica! And he enjoyed it! That's great! We make many of these drinks from other fruit too. We call them pálenka. I like slivovica too. Have you tried it?

I am not so sure that I understand this humour. Why did the people have hippos on their heads? And does the cow belong to this lawyer? I think you will have to explain these a bit more to me. One thing I have a lot of trouble with is American jokes. Czech humour is very different. Don't worry though, I don't think you would understand many Czech jokes. I have tried telling some to my friends and no one ever laughs.

My name isn't actually Regina Kovacs, it's Regina Novakova. Walter isn't my real father. He married my mum when I was very small. My father died in an accident before I was born but I kept his name. Walter is the only dad I've ever known though. I guess that isn't as interesting if you spell it backwards.

I would be happy to have lunch with you. I don't really like McDonalds though. I find their food to be really bad. One of my friends and her boyfriend may be driving me though. Can she come too? That's not certain yet. I may borrow my aunt's car if she doesn't need it.

Actually "na shledanou" just means "goodbye". I guess that's kind of formal. If you want to be friendlier, you can just say "čau" or "pápá". Love in Czech is "láska" and "I love you" is "miluji tě". I guess if you are looking for an equal to a closing in a letter you would say something like "upřímně váš" but that's kind of formal too.

Ok, sorry, no more language lessons.

Čau! :)
Regina}}
====Chris rambles like a motherfucker====
{{EmailReply|I got your last e-mail on [[October 2009|October]] 1. :) BTW, that was my mother's birthday too; she's 68 now. I've been busy lately, and I apologize for not replying sooner. I would have replied yesterday, but [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2009|my mom came down ill]] (thought to be food poisioning at first but it's confirmed to be [[Barbara_Chandler#Recent_health_problems|colitis]]; a colon infection); had to be rushed to the Martha Jefferson Hospital. She is still recovering, and she is feeling better now.

Now, in response to your last e-mail, firstly, I think your figure looks great; I would not change it. ;) And more pics of you would be good, I look forward to seeing your Graduation Pics.

Sonichu can be profitable, but the plan is to get paper published with a comic book company like Archie or Marvel (or self-publish if they refuse me), then my comics can be mass-printed, sold, and merchandise and profits to follow.

I'm not all that a video game designer, but I have had experience with part and building desiging on the CADD programs, as well as in-video game designing, such as the level-creation-styles of [[LittleBigPlanet]]. And before then with in-game customizations with games such as Animal Crossing, Jet Grind Radio, F-Zero GX, and others. I'm also looking forward to the upcoming [[ModNation Racers|Modnation Racers]]. BTW, you said you play video games too, which console(s) do you own? If you have a PS3, we can be exchange PSN Online IDs and communicate through there too.

I've just started drinking last June; my first drink was a [[Chris's_Big_Night_Out|Long Island Iced Tea]]; Delicious. :)P I've enjoyed the tastes of a local wine I sampled from a local winery. I've also tasted Mike's Hard Lemonade, Budwiser, Miller, Micolobe, Samual Adams and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour. I have not yet tried the Slivovich

From the jokes I told you, most were word-play jokes; the hippo joke was just silly. :D No, the lawer did not own the cow; those two scenarios were seperate. "Lawyer" and "Sawyer" rhyme, and what does a lawyer do? "Sue" someone. I'll sing the cow lyric for you on Monday when we meet; it's funnier when heard anyway.

Your friends may come for lunch too. I can think of three other good places: CiCi's Pizza has good pizza, salads, soups and desserts; all you can eat. Tropical Smoothie Cafe has good flatbread sandwiches that come with your choice of chips or fruit, and their smoothies are tasty too. Baja Bean has some good mexican food. I'm also open for your suggestions, or what you feel like then.

I'm sorry to hear that about your original father, but at least you had Walt to be your emotionally supportive dad, and you still have your mother too. :) It's always good to count your blessings.

[[Chris and religion|Do you go to church]]? I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Wesley United Methodist Church]], south-bound on Emmet St. beyond the tennis courts, across from the UVA parking garage there. I was baptized there Mother's Day of 2008; my father and I are Methodists, and my mother is Presbertyrian.

Do you have siblings? I have two half-brothers and one half-sister. My mother had [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]; a movie reviewer in New York City, currently living with his girlfriend and her family. He also has a website, [http://www.colesmithey.com http://www.colsmithey.com]. My father had [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]]. Alan is an Optomologist in Chesterfield County; he is married and has a daughter; her name is Savannah. Carol has a PHD and Degree in Math, and last my father and I heard, she was working with the Government in DC; Top Secret Stuff. Seriously, I HAVE NO INKLING of where in DC she is or what's she been up to.

Does your mother work too, or is she a housewife? My mother held a number of Secretarial jobs; most recent was at First North American National Bank (Partnered with Circuit City) where she worked in Recovery. She's retired now; she used to be an adequate homemaker, but since she retired, she's been taking it easy a lot.

BTW, my father's name is Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., and my mother's is Barbara Anne Weston Chandler.

And I have a number of aunts, uncles and cousins I'll be happy to tell you about at a later time. Please feel free to tell me some about your family and y'alls history.

Also, I am 1/32 Cherokee, from my father's side; I am also part English, British and French (British and French from my mother's). My family tree includes the Boleyn family; Anne Boleyn, one of King Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to Queen Elizabeth I. Anne was related in an Aunt-Sense; my mom and I are more directly linked to her sister, Mary Boleyn. At least, as far as my mother found in her family's history. the next link she found was Richard Weston, First Earl of Portland. I'm still trying to find the link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn. Anyway, another one of my ancestors after Richard was the dude who bartered for the Mayflower for the English People to board and take that famous Pilgrimage.

I'll stop there for now.

Anyway, our meeting is settled then; this coming Monday at the Barracks Road McDonalds at 2:00 PM. We'll make the business exchange of the guitars for the $90.99, USD, then we'll hang out with a spot of lunch. :)

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe and Take Care,
Cau,
Chris.
(I do not know how to type in an acented letter from my keyboard or AOL e-mail)}}

====Regina drops some hints====
{{Email|Hey Christian. I am at a friends house right now. I am a little bit drunk because we have been drinking some wine her dad gave us. Please excuse any spelling errors. :)

That is pretty cool about your Soniku thing. I hope you get it published. I still havent seen [[CWCipedia|your website]]. I guess I should check it out if you are famous for it or something.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Is she ok? It sounds pretty serious. What happened exactly?

When I get home from my friends house I will send you some grad photos. I have what I think is the perfect dress.

Yeah I figured the joke you were talking about would be better in person. Do you have any more examples? Im trying to understand as much as possible. Oh, feel free to correct my English too, I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to languages.

Ok, so we can meet at McDonalds and then go somewhere else. I really dont want to eat there. The taco place you mentioned sounds pretty cool. I dont think my friend and her boyfriend will be coming.

As for video games, I have a PS3 and mostly just play guitar hero. Thats why we are buying the controllers from you. Cause me and my friend are really competitive. We want to compete against each other.

[[Megan_Schroeder#Megan_Saga|Ugh, there is this really fat ugly guy at this party who keeps touching me and annoying me by talking about some stupid drawings he does.]] Hes really an idiot. Luckily my friend keeps shooing him away.

I dont really go to church a lot. I went to a Catholic secondary school. But in the Czech republic, religion is not all that popular. Ive never really found all that much reason to go to church. I dont know what methodism is. Im kind of a Christian Existentialist anyway. I really like [[Wikipedia:Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]].

Anyway, my thumbs are getting tired from typing this on my friends iPhone so I think I will get back to partying. Ill send you the pictures tomorrow.

Ahoj!!! :)
Regina}}
====Nazi joke====
{{Email|Hey, sorry for last night. I was in no state to be sending emails. I was kind of just doing it to look busy so [[Christian Weston Chandler|that guy]] would stop bothering me. I didn't really answer all your questions!!!!

So, in addition to the stuff I mentioned last night:

I do have some siblings. There is my brother Kristián I mentioned before, and my little sister Kateřina. Kristian is 25 and just started his own company. Kateřina is 15 and still attending secondary
school. My mom does work. She has a dog grooming business. My ancestors haven't done anything special. At least not that I know of. Maybe they have but Novák is such a common name in the Czech republic
the relation would be insignificant. I would check my Dad's side but Kovač is even more common than Novák. I don't like to be judged on my [[Anne Boleyn|family]] [[Daniel Weston|history]] anyway and prefer people assess me for what I do.

I have a Czech joke for you:
 During the Nazi occupation, a Gestapo officer drags a Czech man into a prison and says "lock him up!"
 The clerk asks, "what did he do?"
 The Gestapo officer says "he shouted 'Jews out! Germans in their place!'"
 The clerk says "why did you arrest him for that? That's the new law!"
 The Gestapo officer says "he was in a Jewish cemetery!"

It's not the best joke but it's the only one that anyone has understood when I told it to them. Do you have any more jokes to consider before we meet?

So, at the Barracks road McDonalds at 2pm. Please expect that I will be a little late.

Hopefully I will hear from you by email before then. OK? :)

Get the guitars ready xixixi.

How is your mom doing?

Oh... and picture attched.

Čau čau!!!
Regina.}}
====The meeting arranged====
{{EmailReply|I've just downloaded and saw your pic; WOW! You're like Cinderella from the Disney movie; Beeeautiful! :)

I will have the two guitars and their USB receivers ready for you; please make sure you have the cash on hand to pay for them. $91 is acceptable; I will be happy to give you the penny in change. Also, I've just purchased PS3 Rock Band Country Track Pack for the code to download the Tracks to be playable in Rock Band 1 + 2. I was thinking about putting it on eBay for $19.99, but if you want it, I'll be happy to include it with the guitars, as a Free Bonus.

Do you get WiFi at your place, so we could communicate over the Playstation Network? If you don't, I recommend it. I get WiFi here at my house and as far as its yard streches property-wise, courtesy of Comcast Cable; I have a cable modem box with a WiFi Router equipped to it. It is a good deal, especially with Guitar Hero titles; I buy and download the additional Tracks from the Playstation Store (some of which are free).

Another great game I highly recommend for the PS3 is [[LittleBigPlanet]]; in addition to the Story Mode and customizing your Sackperson, you can collect the in-game parts and pieces and create your own levels. I have a few of my own uploaded onto the PSN. "LittleBigPlanet... It is a planet that is little; it is a planet that is big."

Anyway, by the taco place, do you mean the Taco Bell or the Baja Bean, just so I'm clear on that? It's okay if you come by yourself, and I understand if you're late; I'll wait for you. You'll know I'm there if you see a [[Son-Chu|dark blue station wagon-shaped Ford Escort]] with "Sonichu" on the License Plate, and an Autobot symbol on it's trunk door in the nearby parking spaces.

I would not judge you on your family history; it still makes a good conversation or research topic.

The hospital just released my mother this morning, and my father brought her home this afternoon. She is still recovering, and my father and I went out earlier to get her new perscriptions, but at least she doesn't have to make as many restroom runs now.

Your joke is good. I have a few other jokes, as well as a riddle or two. Or I may come up with something new at random. [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|I get some of my material from past comedy shows and movies]]. Three comedians I enjoy are Red Skelton, Lucille Ball and Jerry Sienfeld.

I look forward to meeting you and hanging out with you tomorrow. :)

Cau Cau, and Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Subtlety is wasted on Chris====
{{EmailReply|I'm glad you had a good time last night at your friend's house, and I'm sorry you had to deal with [[Chris|that fat guy]]. It's good to be blessed with friends to help you like that. :)

Oh, and Methodism, as well as Presbertianism, are both of Christian Religions; you may look them up on Wikipedia.

Cau,
Chris.}}
====eh [[Kick the Autistic|kicks autistics]] and doesn't afraid of anything====
{{Email|First off, I'm supposed to say HI FROM [[Gregg Mays|GREGG WITH THREE Gs]].

He said you had family business to attend to and couldn't make it. He was kind enough to drop off the guitars. Thank you for the discount by the way! 50% is huge! Gregg also took the liberty of cleaning off the stickers and paint. He said it looked kind of bad. But they look like new now! Thanks!

Hope nothing is too serious and you got it all sorted out.

Gregg is pretty cool guy.

ČAU!!!!
Regina :)}}
====Oh the guitars are good too====
{{Email|I got the computer for a couple minutes. Just wanted to say that we should hang out sometime soon since I didn't get to see you. I Skyped my dad and told him to leave some good feedback about the guitars.
They work great!!!!

See you soon I hope!!! :)

ČAU ČAU
Regina.}}
====Chris totally hates Gregg Mays====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying sooner.

Listen, this "Gregg" you met up with is an Enemy of mine; he is NOT to be trusted. He is an internet [[Troll]]/Bully. In fact, that is not his real name; he goes by "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash", but niether one of them are his real name. You bought the two guitars from a crook, a fiend. I felt shocked when you mentioned his name in your last e-mail; I was hoping to avoid having to talk about that son of a bitch.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

[[Chris and his ego|I had to be fated to become internet famous]]...

Anyway, I will still be happy to meet up with you and hang out. Perhaps we can hang out at the [[Fashion Square Mall]]. Let me know which day would be good for you.

Also, I would like you to get in touch with my [[gal-pal]] I've told you a bit about earlier; she will be introducing herself in an e-mail soon; her address is ''*redacted*''. That way, you'll get to know one of my friends as well. :)

BTW, I've relisted the two guitars on eBay; it was wierd to get the positive feedback after you've bought the guitars from Someone Else (who happens to be a crook).

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Outrage====
{{Email|OH MY GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!

Not at you of course.

So this guy who sold me guitars wasn't even a friend of yours? I'm not sure I fully understand this... so he came with two identical guitars and took the money that was supposed to go to you? I'm amazed. Have I go the story right? It's amazing how being on the internet can bring out so many stupid people!!! I am SOOOO SORRY. There was no way I could have known! Can you forgive me?

What about the feedback, should I tell my dad to leave it there? It doesn't seem honest but this guy has ripped you off. What do you think?

As far as hanging out goes, we will soon guaranteed. I have to head home to Prague this weekend cause my mom is sick. It doesn't seem too serious, but I should visit my family. It's good to see them when they are down you know? What sort of things do you want to do? Good news is I have my own laptop now, so I can email more frequently. Email me lots over the weekend cause I may be pretty bored in Prague. I'm kind of excited though because I will be going to see family in Liberec and I get to RIDE THE TRAIN!!!

I would love to talk to your friend!!! I am trying to meet as many new people as possible. It can get lonely being a foreigner here and I want to practice my English too! What's a gal-pal?

I attached another photo from my graduation. It's of me and my two bestest teachers. Do you have any favourite lektors from school or university?

How's your mom? And how is the job hunt? I've been trying to find some work recently too.

Ok, study break is over. Back to the work.

ČAU MOJ!!
Regina.}}
====Absence====
{{Email|Haven't heard from you in a while. You aren't angry with me are you?

I finally took a peek at your YouTube account. There's a lot of angry videos on there. What is happening? Should I be worried about this Gregg person?

What should I do?

Regina}}
====We cool====
{{EmailReply|Hey, Regina. No, I am not angry with you; we are cool.

As long as you ignore him and don't communicate further with Gregg, don't worry. BTW, since you've met "Gregg" in person, can you describe what he looks likes; height, body build, eye color, skin, hair color/style and such?

Don't worry about the whole mess; it's MY mess, and I am and will deal with it personally.

And don't worry about the Guitar deal; I've relisted them on eBay; it's all cool.

How is your mother; I hope she's doing better? And let's try to re-schedule our meet and greet hang-out; do you know where Fashion Square Shopping Center is?

TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====The many faces of Gregg====
{{Email|Hey there.

Sure I can describe Gregg. He's a kind of square shouldered guy. He's black. He's around 190 cm and he had some pretty big biceps. He had pretty short hair too. I am not really good at telling black
people apart to be honest. I've been getting some weird emails too. Do you think they may be from him?

My mom is doing better. Thank you for asking. Though she is still pretty weak. They aren't sure why. They want to do more tests.

I've heard about the Fashion Square Mall, why do you ask? I have yet to go there.

I've read a bit from your Sonichu site. I'm not sure I totally understand it.

Čauko!

Regina}}
====Chris explains YouTube madness====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your description.

I've asked about Fashion Square, because I go there often, and it would be an ideal place to meet up. I'm free any afternoon; just let me know the day and time, and we can try to meet up again. :)

As for the wierd e-mails, make note of the sender e-mail addresses, block them, and delete any future wierd e-mails without reading them. You can pretty much tell in the subject line anyway.

Also, for the recently uploaded videos on YouTube; they were directed to my trolls, including the crazy-acting one where I break that hunk of wood (I was trying to scare them away with that one), please do not judge me from those. Although they do emphasize my dramatic side.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Insane people in malls====
{{Email|Yo, wassup?

Yeah, I'm not a really big fan of American malls. I seem to meet so many weird people in them. [[Chris|Usually some people shouting and being weird]]. I keep seeing all kinds of [[Attraction Sign|strange things]] in malls.

How about this: I finally got an apartment hookup through my friend. She found a great place near the University. I haven't seen it yet but I am totally trusting of her. We are going to take possession around the middle of November. We are SOOOO having a house party. Are you down? We are going to get WASTED and break the house in proper.

I'll block the emails. Just like you recommended. What are trolls anyway? I always thought they were some ugly things from children's stories that ate goats. I'm kind of getting the sense from what I have read that they are some sort of internet haters or something. What exactly do they want with you?

The videos are pretty interesting. I thought [[War Paint Video|the Indian one]] was cute :) but I don't really understand it. Tell me more about your dramatic side!

I totally talked to your friend! She seems really cool. How did you meet her? Is she like your girlfriend or something? I love meeting new people. It gets so hard being a foreigner here when everything is weird.

Back to studying!!!!!

Těší mě!!!

Regina.}}
====Chris believes the trolls are jealous of him====
{{EmailReply|Firstly, Kim is not my girlfriend; she already has a boyfriend; she and i are just friends. I met her through an old friend of mine.

The house party sounds like fun. :) I am down with that. But I would still like to meet you in person ASAP. How about this, since you don't like the mall, and I recall you telling me you liked the taco place, how about we meet at a Taco Bell? There are two in Charlottesville; one nearby the Barracks Road Shopping Center, and one nearby the Albemarle Square, where the ACAC Fitness Center is located. Just let me know which day you will be free, and I can meet you at one of the two Taco Bells (We'll need to specify which one beforehand) that afternoon.

In this case, Trolls are Internet Bullies; they pick on people for the "LULZ" (or "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|Laughs Under Lucridicities]]" as I put it); Laughs at other people's expense. They try to trick, or hack, the victim or their associates to gather dirt and information on them, and twist and turn the truth around and make terrible, slanderous jokes at their expense. Mostly, they pick on celebrities; I do not really understand why me of all people. But they are just lowly individuals who most likely hang out practically 24/7 in their basements in front of their computers. The only theory I have is that they're jealous of me and my creative ideas and comics.

Anyway, I gtg; I have a few things to do right now, but I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Philosophy reading====
{{Email|Hello!!! :)

Well, the thing is, I want to meet you too. But right now this philosophy at university is driving me mad!!! I have so much reading to do I am spending all my time in classes or at home with my nose in a book. I figure once I can get the bulk of my reading under control, I am totally yours to meet. I'll guarantee we can meet before the housewarming party, but not at this exact moment.

Not unless you can explain my philosophy readings to me :D Why does it need to be ASAP?

I am really not a fan of fast food, maybe we can go to a nightclub or bar or something... do you know any good ones??

So I think I understand the whole trolls thing. I read a bit of your bio on that cogsdev thing you sent me. It seems like a pretty confusing story. It sounds pretty tragic too.

Anyway, in the meantime, until we meet that it, can I keep sending you emails to keep my English up to date? Although she speaks perfect English, my Aunt only wants to speak Czech all the time... All my readings are in English but I keep getting worried my social English will go out the window. Can I ask you some questions before we meet?

Pusinky :*
Regina.}}
====The sooner the better====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; we can meet up at the Baja Bean across from [[Wal-Mart]]; they have a bar there, and they do check for ID, but it is smoke-free and clean. Plus, they have Karaoke Friday Nights there at 9:00. It doesn't have to be ASAP, but the sooner the better, I feel. And of course you may ask me as many questions as you please, and I can think of some in response to those as well. :) I continue to look forward to our meet and greet.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Questions about America====
{{Email|Hey!!!

Ok, cool. I like to ask foreigners a lot of questions. Because this is the first time I have lived in America, so there are so many things I am curious about...

Ok, so check this out. I saw your video where you are dressed up like an Indian. Do they still live on reservations and stuff? I haven't met anyone who is an Indian (at least not that I know of) and no one seems to really know that much about them. Do you? You said you had some ancestry, so I was just curious. Do you follow any traditions? The only things I know about Indians are from the Winnetou books and movies and I'm not sure how accurate they are.

Oh hey, do you have any more books to recommend other than those RL Stien books? My brother is looking for some good books and those ones aren't available in the Czech republic. He needs to read more because his English sucks almost as much as my dad's.

I went through some of your comics. Pretty interesting. Where did you learn to draw? I have been reading books on how to draw but can't seem to get anything right. I read a lot of theory books like from Marvel and stuff but I never seem to improve. I would take lessons but that will have to wait until University is over.

Ok, and a couple of American things that really get me confused...

The first is halloween. Everyone seems to make a big deal of it. I don't get it. We don't have it in the Czech republic but everyone knows what it is. But what's the big deal anyway? A lot of people have invited me to parties. Are you going to a party? I don't understand how this thing for kids to get candy has turned into adults dressing up for parties.

Also, politics. People really seem to ramble about politics a lot. I think I kind of get the sense of what the parties are about. Who do you vote for? I hope that's not too personal a question. And a lot of people seemed to hate George Bush. Why didn't they like him so much? And now a lot of people don't like Obama. Why don't people like him? ARRRRGH, I'm so confused. And what's with all these conspiracies... ABOUT BOTH.

Oh hey, on a by the way sort of note... My dad's is starting up this new media company and he needs writer/editor type people with HTML skills for a website. I read on your site that you know a bit about that. They are having trouble finding skilled people to fill the position. Would you be interested in the email address or are you too busy with freelance work? I don't know anything about how much it pays but my dad said just refer (he told me to ask anyone I knew) people to his HR manager and they would happily answer questions. I still feel bad about the guitar thing and hoped this would make it up to you.

Gaaah! I need to get back to all this philosophy reading. All these books make me think about our place in the world. Do you think there is a grand design or something? Do you have a personal philosophy? After reading all this, I don't know what to believe...

Ask me some questions so I can procrastinate in these readings LOL!!!

Ok. Back to work.

Čau moj!
Regina}}
====Wikipedia: The answer to everything====
{{EmailReply|Cool. Well, in order to your questions; firstly, I am 1/32 Cherokee. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations. The proper term is not Indian (that term was misconstruded when Christopher Colombus landed at what would later be called America, and he thought it was India (his originally planned destination) and he referred to the people as people of India by mistake; the proper term is Native American. I currently do not know of any traditions to follow of my Cherokee ancestry, but information on "Cherokee" can be looked up on Wikipedia.

The only other books I can remember having read, off the top of my head, is "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Wednesday's Child" and "The Giver". The authors escape me, but again, check on Wikipedia.

My drawing style, I would say is mostly natural, but I have learned about perspectives and such from Numerous Art Classes I took throughout my lifetime in all my schools I went to. I can shed some light on perspectives for you and help you practice drawing in the future. :) Do you have any samples of your drawing style you'd like to share with me? I can critique it and offer you honest, detailed feedback that can help you as well.

Halloween History can be looked up on Wikipedia, but the costumed portions, from what I've heard, started in these United States in Salem with Witches, spooks and the like. As portrayed in a "Treehouse of Horror" episode of "The Simpsons", one theory states that some of those witches wanted children for one of their brews or something, so they went house-to-house. But instead of taking the children, they were offered cookies, candies and treats, and the witches accepted those instead. And eventually, the trend of Trick or Treat and costumed people going house-to-house followed for a Halloween tradition. Adults like to dress up to get into the spirit, and parties are a given as such for fun and enjoyment. I know of a halloween party I plan on going to nearby the Downtown Mall; if we meet soon enough, I would like to invite you to come with me there. :) If you came with me, what would you dress up as? And I encourage your own personal creativity. As a suggestion, if you still have your prom dress, all you would need are a pair of clear transparent slippers and a tiara, and you come as Cinderella.

I am not all that into politics, but I do know some things from ear (Bush and Obama and why people dislike them can be found on the Wikipedia also). You may be talking about George Bush JUNIOR that people have disliked; I don't know much of why. As for Obama, people are disliking him, because he supposedly is being a wuss and has pulled back some of the US Armed Forces from other countries. And currently, his Health Plan; to my understanding, it would just be a costly thing that Americans are not ready for yet, because we can't afford it yet, due to the recent recession (which didn't seem like that big of a deal in my opinion; I just lived on day by day, and I'm still okay). And there's the deal with another country concealing a nuclear facility from him; they don't want to give a tour, and they're saying it's there for "Peace Reasons". Obama's trying to get other countries' support to make this country show him their facility. That's what I know right now. I recommend learning what you can in research to help settle your confusion more if you feel the need.

Also, as for voting, in current events, my main concern is on the Governer of Virginia; Bob McDonnel or Craig Deeds. There are tales of McDonnel wanting to take Virginia backwards, in a sense, by supporting a law created by Bush Jr. (I think). And McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and he would make it illegal, even in incest or rape, and for married couples, to have the choice. On the other hand, Craig supports higher taxes for gas, housing and such. Currently, Craig is ahead, but my father and I both feel that Neither McDonnel or Craig are good; they're both poor choices. We're even thinking on Election Day to Write in Snoopy (Charlie Brown's dog) instead of voting for McDonnel or Craig. LOL

I do have good knowledge of raw HTML, and I created the Most Original CWC's Sonichu Site, as well as its predecessor, CWC's PokeSite 2, from raw HTML text in Notepad. I have had two classes; one during High School and one later at PVCC. I would need more information on your dad's company, and the web server that is set up for his company, but I am up for that. ;)

Personal philosophy, I'm not sure; I have thought about it before, but it escapes me at the moment. I promise to recall, remember it and get back to you on that.

Also, for bars I've been to, I've also been to Applebees (the one by Toys 'R' Us; they have Karaokee Mondays), the TGIFridays by Target, and Club R2 (A.K.A. the Rapture) in the Downtown Mall (I don't know much about R2, but they do print their events in Charlottesville's "The Hook" weekly newsletter magazine (it's Free). Have you been to any yourself yet, and if so which ones?

I'll think up some more questions for you by the next e-mail.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina is just full of questions====
{{Email|Word up yo...

Ok, thanks for telling me about the whole Indian/Native American thing. No one corrected me on that yet and I have been saying it all along. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess it is hard to preserve traditions like that. I guess most of it was verbal history too.

I don't think I will offer up any drawings for critique just yet. I am not sure they are good enough. Maybe I will, but I will have to find them first. Like a lot of my personal photos they are strewed around on a whole variety of different CDs. I'll look, but no promises.

Ok, so I think I get the whole deal behind halloween parties. I guess it just makes sense to have an excuse to dress up crazy and go out to have fun. The halloween party you mentioned sounds like fun, can you tell me more about it? I would go, but I think I will have to fly back to the Czech republic cause my mom is still sick. My dress is there anyway, it was too much to pack. Surely you must know some nice lady you can take there? What are you dressing up as? That's what I'm really curious about. And why are you choosing this costume... oh, please take photos of your costume if I don't get to see it.

Thank you for clearing that bit up about politics. Can you explain to me, if you don't like these two men, why you would write a cartoon character's name? Are these the only two men? Is there really no other people? That sounds a little bizarre to hae only two people to choose from. I guess no one else wanted the position? The way you put it, Obama does sound like kind of a wuss. Do you think he is right to pull back the armies from these arab countries? I read the Wikipedia article on George Bush Junior. It seems that people don't like him because of immigrants or something. And he doesn't seem to care about the environment and people seem to think he allows torture. And mostly the wars he started too... how reliable is this Wikipedia? Are these things really so bad? Good luck with choosing the governor.

Ok, I don't know the details about HTML and things. Computers are not my specialty. My dad told me to find anybody interested and forward them on to him. His email is *redacted* so it is probably best just to contact him. He may get his assistant to write back, because, well, you have read his English already. If he does reply on his own, go easy on him, k? :) You have some pretty good chances of getting the job cause they are having a really hard time getting a pool of applicants. They really want an English speaker, but no one seems to want to work for a Czech company.

I have been to a few bars, but I forget the names of most of the places. I think I went to some bar called Vivian's or some place next to it or something. I really need to start remembering the names of all these places. A couple of discos too. I will pick up a copy of The Hook and look for these events you suggest.

Here's another few questions I thought of. Have you ever thought about doing comic plots for different characters? Like maybe doing a spinoff for one of your current characters or designing a new set of characters with a new story? Or are you just sticking to your current universe? And why/why not? My brother used to read a lot of comics so he may ask me about your mentality or whatever the next time I see him.

Hey also, we were talking about philosophy, that's cool if you don't remember your personal views. I guess it isn't something the average person thinks about every day. What about your future? What do you see in your future? I am always curious about this with everybody. I see myself being like my father or brother and starting my own business, but some different kind of business. Not like the traditional kind. I just don't know what yet. What about you? What kinds of things would you like to do? Maybe in ten years or when you retire? Or next year, whatever...

Anyway, back to the books!

Papá!!
Regina}}
====Chris babbles about costumes, poltics, and dreams====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; I look forward to any drawings you are able to share with me. :)

The Halloween party I'm planning on going to is on Saturday October 31 at the Key Center, 800 E. Market St, at 7 - 9 PM; $3 per person, $5 per couple; I will pay our way in if you decide to come with me. I thought I've mentioned that I currently have a few gal-pals (who are already taken), but no girlfriend for myself yet (I'm single). So, other than you, I do not have anyone else I could take. I'm going to go in this outfit I sometimes wore before to the Pokemon Trading Card Game League I used to attend that made me look like Ash Ketchum. I thought of making up an outfit to go as Captain N, from that classic Nintendo TV Show, "Captain N, the Game Master", but it's hard for me to find a matching jacket at Goodwill, even an "N" to stitch onto the jacket. I'll send you a photo in the next e-mail.

I'm sorry to hear your mother is still ill; please offer her my humble condolences and wishes for full recovery. :)

The wikipedia is most reliable; the people who post on there most of the time quote their sources; books, newspapers, other websites, etc.

McDonnel and Deeds are the only two candidates for VA Governer at this time, and with both of them being not so swift candidates, it just seems fitting to write-in the fictional character as a comical alternative. My father brought up the idea of writing Snoopy in first, and I was hip to the idea, because it made me laugh. :D As for why, McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and Deeds would Raise Taxes; it's like one would Retardate Virginia, and one would Make Things MORE Expensive.

As for Obama, I would have to agree with popular opinion on the issue of him pulling back our troops; I feel what he did there was like saying, "We're not worthy; please do with us as you wish, and we will offer no resistance." Pitiful.

I will respect and understand your father's english capabilities and wording at my best. :)

I do not plan on any spin-offs for my comic series; there are a LOT of characters and such, and I feel it would be more complicated and difficult to do such at this time. But in future pages, I do plan on expanding on each individual character with their individual stories and adventures. I have all my ideas written in my Brain's Diary.

As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but [[Dreams|I HAVE A DREAM]]! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.

Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him [[Reginald]]; that was not a dream-thing though. I've had a [[PandaHalo|past internet gal-pal]], who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child. She died last Janurary during the wild bushfires then. Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.

I have a lot of stories I would be happy to share with you in-person in conversations in the future. It feels easier to me to talk about it in-person, in lieu to typing it up.

Which brings up a topic I'm curious about, please tell me about any past relationships you've had; ex-boyfriends, any sex, etc. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, I understand.

Cool, I will TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,

Cau,

Chris. :)}}

====Regina can't make it====
{{Email|Hey there!

Well, thank you for the offer for the halloween party, but I will definitely be flying to Praha on that day. So there is no possible way for me to make it. Can't wait to see the photos of the Ash outfit you mentioned. I think I know the character you are talking about. I am sure I will recognise it when I see it. I don't know who Captain N is. I will check Wikipedia or something. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse your gal-pals for girlfriends. I just figured you were involved with someone. If not on a full relationship yet. Just a sense I got from your YouTube videos. I saw one where you were talking to a girl named [[Kacey|Kacy]] where you said you cared about her. Sorry for the confusion. I seem to have taken these videos out of context. Is there an explanation?

It's too bad you have such poor choices for governor or whatever. Higher taxes aren't such a bad thing though are they? They help pay for important stuff. I agree they shouldn't be too high. How much more will you have to pay if he gets elected? What happens if everyone writes Snoopy on the ballot? Would he have to take office?

When you put it that way about Obama, it does sound pitiful. If that's the case, why do so many people like him? And why do you think he should have stayed in Iraq? Are you a very patriotic person? I am very proud of being Czech, especially of my language.

You certainly seem like you have your future planned out in full. I wish I knew my future as well as you do! For now, I just want to EXCEL. I want to make the best of myself in whatever I do. I have had to bust my ass while studying. Everyone goes out and parties but I don't stop till I get it right. And boy do my marks show it. I want to be the BEST. Not sure what I have to prove. Just want to be all I can be. Maybe once I do that, I can relax for a bit. My own business is my clearest goal, even though I'm not sure what the business will be about. Do you ever have ambitions like this?

I am really sorry to hear about your friend. She must have been very special to you.

Since you mentioned Snoopy, I was just curious. What are your favourite cartoons? Do you prefer Western or Eastern? What do you like about them? I personally like Russian cartoons.

I was also watching your video about [[Brutal Legend]]. I heard about that game. Is it good??? It sure looks good! Do you like metal music? Is that why you got this? I think you probably explained this in your video but there is no sound. Did YouTube screw it up?

Here's a weird question I love asking people... If you could have any superpower, what would it be? What would you do with it. The best answer I ever got was from my friend. She wanted the ability to fart in stereo LOLOLOL!!! I guess that means she would have two buttholes.

Also, what's up with American trains? European trains are way cooler. Do you use the train much?

We totally will share in person as soon as I have the time. I just want to get to know you in the meantime is all. I can be initially shy in a first meeting so it helps if I know what I can talk about.

Did you email my dad? He says he didn't get anything from you yet. Sometimes these Czech emails can be pretty screwball. If it isn't working, I'll give you his Gmail.

Nope, never had a boyfriend.

Na zdravie, šťastie a lásku,
Regina :)}}
====Chris answers a bunch of questions, is still a virgin====
{{EmailReply|Yes, Kacey is one of my gal-pals; nothing major at the time. She already cares for [[Liquid Chris|this other dude]]. I do care about her as a friend though. :) I am the sort of man who keeps his friends close to his heart and cares about them.

The only True-from-My-Heart-and-Mind Videos are on my own personal YouTube accounts, my current "ChristianWChandler" and my past "CChan6789". MOST others outside of my accounts will be slandered, misleading videos created by the Trolls, in lame attempts to mislable me, as well as smearing my good name and reputation.

I've attached an early picture of me in my ol' outfit (0647); ignore the wastepouch; I have not worn one in years. And I generally wore this yellow Pokemon TCG League Gym Leader shirt to Best complete the outfit (0584).

These photos are from my slideshow of life photos/pics I presented in a [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]] I created on my 25th Birthday, February 24, 2007, called "Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on T.V." Originally, it was priviately distributed from me to close friends and family. But last year, a troll pretended to be one of my old, close gal-pal and tricked a copy out of me; now it's all over the web, with messed-up versions of the original videos, and people making and distributing FAKE copies. DO NOT BUY any of those, as well as the unofficial Sonichu/Rosechu merchandise; there aren't any at this time, but I am working on that. After you and I become real close, I would be happy to make a copy for you, or I can share my Master Copy with you in a multiple number of "Movie Nights"; there is over 6 hours of original content.

Please do not judge me, but yeah I have yet to expierence a major relationship. But I do have a good amount of knowledge to make up a good relationship, as well as good sex. I have seen a good share of soft and hardcore porn, including some Educational videos from companies like the Sinclair Institute. But again, there is no rush. Which brings up a question, how do you feel about sex before marriage, or sex in general?

I feel that higher taxes is the better of the two evils in the governer issues, so I'll probably root for Deeds anyway. I wouldn't worry about Snoopy.

Obama stay in Iraq? You may have misunderstood a phrasing in my last e-mail; I never meant that in any way. I am proud to be an american; I am patriotic. I can go on about the history of these United States and how our forefathers, who founded it and shaped it to what it is today, worked and fought to maintain order and peace throughout this fine nation. My father could go on about that as well; he is very knowledgeable in the history. And I welcome and respect your patriotism for your country as well; you have every right as you were born and raised in it. :)

I have had ambitions for a job or business, even though it was not made clear to me on what it would be specifically; I'm still uncertain currently. What are your ideas for the business subject you'd like to pursue? My mother originally wanted to be a teacher, and she has had past expierence in substituting for the teacher in their absence from time to time. Yet she ended up taking a number of secretarial jobs in a number of companies and businesses.

I have a LOT of favorited cartoons; (anything) [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Transformers]] (any Generation), [[Excel Saga]], Samurai Pizza Cats, Smurfs, [[Gay|Care Bears]], and more. I'm not sure what you mean by Western or Eastern, unless you mean American and Japan (Anime) Animation. I like Anime a bit better, because it is mostly better drawn and rendered compared to American, plus the stories are usually better, and sometimes the original Japanese Audio, even in the TV-Y area, has some curse words. LOL :D I have also watched Canadian Animation; those were good, and British Animation ("Danger Mouse" to name one). I don't think I've ever watched Russian Animation, but I am always open for new shows. :)

Yeah, I am uncertain [[PSEye|what happened to the audio in the original video I did for Brutal Legend]]. I like all kinds of [[Chris and music|music]], unless it's presented at a TOO Loud volume; respect the eardrums. LOL Metal is awesome, but I mostly listen to Pop, Lite Rock, Country, Jazz and Classic.

I would have to say Super Speed; [[Sonichu's Edge|I wouldn't easily tire out after running at such velocity]], I'd get a lot more exercise, and I wouldn't require a car if I can get there in a Snap on foot. :D

I have never ridden on a train, I'm sorry.

You can talk about most anything to me, no worries. And if you cross a line, I will let you know; I would respect your wishes if I cross a line in discussion, you'd only need to tell me.

I've just e-mailed Walter, asking for the information. I am certain he got the message, because I would have gotten a "Returned Message" e-mail if the address was faulty.

I'm sorry you can't make the Halloween Party, but it's cool; I'll be okay. :) I am looking forward to your house-warming party; please let me know if I can do or bring anything to help make it better. Please be sure to let me know the details when you are fully certain of them; when and where.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Cau,
Chris.}}
====Regina is asexual, asks about loads of random stuff====
{{Email|Yo yo yo wass happenin'

That is too bad that Kacey cares for another dude, it wasn't some sort of tragic love triangle was it? I feel really sorry for you if it was. It is good that you can look past it and see her as a friend still.

It would be cool to see your DVD. I didn't know you were a filmmaker too! What kind of films do you make? What is your DVD about? It sounds interesting. I love director's cuts. Do you have a big screen? I hate watching movies on small TVs. I am sorry to hear that people are pirating it. It really sucks when people [[Sonichu|steal other people's intellectual property]] like that.

Sex before marriage is of no concern to me. People can do whatever they want in the privacy of their homes. Sex in general seems like a waste of time in my opinion. But like I said, they can do what they want. I have never watched a porno.

Speaking of other countries and patriotism, how much do you know about the Czech republic? I am always curious what people know about my country, or Europe. Have you been to Europe? Is there any place you would like to visit in Europe? We have so many nice things to see. Or maybe you would prefer a different continent? Speaking of Czech, I totally tried to bring back some Slivovica for your dad. But they took it at customs. I will try to bring another. If it doesn't work this time I will get my brother to bring some when he comes to visit me in November.

As far as the business model I would like to pursue, I want to maybe open a restaurant that features all kinds of Slavic and foods from my part of the world, OR something related to fashion. I think the fashion industry is boring, I would like to introduce something new but I have no really good ideas just yet. Have you thought about any general areas? I know you said you weren't sure, but I mean generally.

What kind of Canadian cartoons have you watched? Or British ones other than Danger Mouse?

Glad to hear you like metal. I like quite a bit of it. Among other stuff. Mostly indie.

Hey do you play any sports? I love sports. I have just been getting into American Football. It seems pretty complicated. I haven't decided if I like it or not yet. It seems interesting anyway. I heard a lot of American men have played football in high school, did you by any chance?

Here's a question I keep hearing a lot in America: If you could have a dinner party and invite 3 people... anyone you want... living or dead... who would it be? Myself, I picked Vaclav Havel, Robo Kazik, Ernest Hemingway and Golda Meir. I know that's 4... yes I cheated. And you?

Do you own a gun? It seems like a lot of people here do. I'm not judging on it or anything, I'm just curious. A lot of people seem to have them. Would you ever buy one? I never thought about it myself, but one of my friends suggest I come out with her to the shooting range.

Oh, and my brother was a bit curious about your artistic process, what goes through the head of an artist when he is thinking of what to draw?

My dad got your email by the way, he let me know today that he received it. He says he is going to have his assistant look it over the start of the business day. He was really excited about the prospect of hiring an American at his company.

Glad you are looking forward to the house-warming party. It is going to RULE!!!!! I can't wait. As for what to bring... I dunno, what do Americans usually bring to parties? We do need to get some alcohol. Would you mind picking it up? It's just that most of us are under 21. If you are worried about it say no. I love America but it has some pretty dumb laws.

Anyway, back to the books... again :(

Have fun talking to my dad or his assistant :)

Mám rád zozadu,
Regina}}
====Chris wants sex, played football with girls====
{{EmailReply|I wouldn't really call myself a filmmaker, but I have created some documentry-like films that are on the DVD and saved as video files on my PS3, along with the newer videos I created since then. In a nutshell, the DVD is essentially the videos I put together, the two TV News Segments I was portrayed in, and slideshows of still photos and pics with good tunes and a pretend Radio Show I created onto Audio Cassette over a decade ago. It's more or less sort of a "Best Of" type of thing. I have a Sony HD TV, about 40 or 46" wide.

In my humble opinion, I am okay with sex before marriage too. I do not feel that it is a waste of time; I feel the intercourse between loving couples who deeply care about each other is truly special, and is essentially a truly magical connection between them. Although as for those who may not feel like that during intercourse, they still get sensations that just feel totally awesome between each other.

I have not been to Europe, and I can learn more about the Czech Republic from your point of view in addition to what you've previously shared with me. :) I do not currently have a favorite location in Europe, but if I had the chance, I would enjoy visiting the other countries. Although, I would like to visit England and Japan; England being the origin of my mother's half of the family, and I'd like to sample more of the video games only available in Japan, and see their technology that the US doesn't have yet. IDK about my father being able to take in any alcohol at his age, but I know he would appreciate the gesture, and I can get a chance to sample the slivovich for myself with you. :)

You have made some good choices in your possible carrer pursuit. :) Perhaps you and I can put our minds together and make either one happen for you. As for me, something in Artistry or Comic Publications is one idea of mine, or maybe use my CADD degree and go into designing or something.

One Canadian cartoon I can recall the name of right-off is Bob and Margaret, and there was this one of two short cartoons that featured this blue dog who gets adopted into a family who is danger prone with lots of accidents; the dog protects his family and the baby.

I like Basketball, Volleyball and Baseball, and I have ice skated at the rink at the Downtown Mall. I've played football for a short while at High School, but I was not all that into it. And during that time in the P.E. class, I was placed on special request on the girl's team, which was better; I did not care to be tackled or rough-housed like they did on the boy's team. Football is okay; I'm just not all that into it.

I would invite Britney Spears, Pamela Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson (the original Pink Ranger on the "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"). For my fourth, though, I would invite [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

I do not currently own a real gun, but I have had target practice in video games like "Duck Hunt" (NES) and on a few Wii games too; I'm fairly good. I may consider buying a gun, but not right now.

My artistic process... I think of story pieces, I note them, and when I draw them up, I add more to them; beginning and end (or middle and either if the piece is beginning or end). There are more details, but I'm not sure how to phrase them at this time. But mostly, it just comes to me. :)

I would be happy to bring some beer or wine to the party; just let me know which brand of beer (or white wine) strikes y'all's fancy good.

I gtg for now; I need a shower. I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina confirms asexuality====
{{Email|Ok, sorry I guess I misunderstood what you meant by making a DVD. So this is like a series of short films and a collection of other stuff.

So you were on the news? How did you manage that? What were you on the news for?

Oh wow, you have a big TV. It must be pretty good for video games. I
have never had a TV that big.

Ok, maybe some people are into the whole sex thing. But personally I
have no interest. I think bothering with something like that would
distract me from other more important social relationships. More
importantly it would probably distract me from improving myself. That
energy could be put to good use for a lot of other things. And I
doubt it would really change much. If you care for a person then sex
shouldn't be so important. Just an option. A lot of people seem to
think that having sex will change things. I would bet a lot of money
that it doesn't.

That is too bad that your dad can't drink any Slivovica. I guess I
can still try to smuggle some in and you can try it. It is best to
try the original Czech stuff. They say Slivovica is good for your
health and helps you live longer. Europe really is the best place to
go. A lot of Americans came to Prague looking for adventure and they
always found it. I know a bunch of them who actually settled down in
the Czech republic and got married or started new careers.

Thanks for the input on my possible career choices. What have you
been doing in the way of starting your business related to artistry or
design? Oh, speaking of which, have you talked much to my dad? He
loves America but I hope he is not being a weirdo about it. Or maybe
you spoke to his assistant.

So what reasons do you have for inviting Britney Spears, Pamela
Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson to your dinner party? What is your
motivation for having them there? What kind of questions would you
ask them? Why only media personalities? I'm very intrigued and
curious.

So you might buy a gun in the future? What kind of gun do you think
you would buy? Would you be getting it for protection or sport? What
exactly do you think about gun control? Personally I don't care
either way. I have never owned one but my father is an avid hunter.
He was a sharpshooter when he did his military service.

I really don't know what kind of wine is good. Do you have any
recommendations? The girls need wine. I think most of the guys who
are coming will be bringing their own beer. I am responsible for
getting the girls drunk so I need someone to bring the white wine.

Very interesting info about your art process. Do you have a full
story arc planned and fill in little pieces or do you make them up as
you go along? What inspires you to draw these particular elements?
What kinds of symbols are you using in your art? I'm curious to see
what elements are symbolic of certain things I may not be catching. I
am not good at picking up on symbols when reading. Here's one thing I
was wondering, do your characters all have first, middle and last
names? Like is Sonichu just Sonichu or is he Mr. XXXXX XXXXX Sonichu. Or maybe Sonichu is his first name?

By the way I saw your video on Kacey. Everything you said was pretty
sweet but if you want to win her back you might want to just jump in
and tell her to come back to you. Girls love guys who can be strong
and tell them what they want. I bet if you are way more assertive
then she will see and admire that. It will probably make this other
guy shit his pants with fear too. I hope I am not out of place saying
that, I just thought I would offer my womanly opinion. I hope it was
of some help.

Hope everything else is great. :)

Peace and love as you say... or mier a láska as we would say in my
language. Oh, and here's one thing I want to teach you too. You
should start conversations with na zdar. It is a really cheerful
Czech greeting. It means "I wish you well" and it sounds really cool.

Ty kokot,
Regina}}

====Chris weasels out of a job that is handed to him without reservation====

{{EmailReply|I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff and other things. I have recently found peace of mind with the arrival of my Copyright Registeration Certificate from the VA Library of Congress for Sonichu. I am in work on making a presentation video and getting in touch with companies to make the merchandise and copies of my books and DVD.

Also, I apologize for not getting back to your father on the website job; I have thought a lot about it after reading the details his secretary e-mailed to me. I feel that is beyond my html skills, I apologize for that. But he can go onto websites like monster.com and find resumes for people who have exceptional html skills and such.

Please foward that paragraph and my humble apologies and regards to him for me; I have misplaced his address.

I have more e-mails to check, so I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tried to get it through his damn dirty skull====

{{Email|Hey Christian,

I think you may have misread the description. The HTML skills are
just something basic, to make sure that people are familiar with the
medium. They need someone to write articles. Specifically articles
about gaming and technology. They just increased the salary too
because they can't find anyone to do it. It's at the point where they
need someone pretty badly, if you have some specific time requirements
or whatever you can let them know, but they will be flexible with it.
Along the lines of 10 articles a month shouldn't be too difficult.
You really should talk to Marketa and my dad again *redacted*

Anyway, how is everything else? Good to hear about your copyright.
How did things work out with Kacee?

Later,
Regina.}}

====Chris mad====
{{EmailReply|Gaming and technology articles? I thought your father was working in Ceramics.

Kacey went and married the brown-striped impostor who pretended to be me; his YouTube name is [[CChanSonichuCWC]].}}

====Further attempts from Regina to offer a dream job====
{{Email|Wow, that really, really sucks. Some people have pretty bad judgment. Did she explain why? Don't be too upset, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes, my dad does make ceramics. But this is a NEW company. He is
trying to branch out into different areas to do with media and
technology because he is afraid that industrial products could one day
be all the domain of countries with poorer workforces. He wants to be
secure in the future and thinks getting into the tech industry is the
way to go. But they need someone who knows gaming and modern
technology AND is well spoken to kick off this first project. I guess
his assistant didn't explain it all too well.}}

Chris of course, ignored her. Proving that he could care less about getting off the [[tugboat]].

====Regina resumes contact...====
{{Email|Anye new and fascinating news?

I bought a PSP. It is great for those stopovers on my flights to the
Czech Republic.}}

====And opens the floodgates of boring conversation====
{{EmailReply|That's neat; which model is it, because if it is a 2000, 3000 or PSP Go, you and I can talk to each other over Skype between our PSPs; ORIGINAL 1000 models are not Skype-Capable.

Also, I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff; I've just drew 4 pages and answered a bunch of fanmail on the Cwcipedia. But I am safe and well, thank you. :)

What do you say to setting up a dinner-date between you and me one day next week? This time, I'll come and pick you up, and I'll bring you back home on time safe.

I'll TTYL, XOXOXO,
Christian.}}

====Regina dodges the would-be gropefest...====
{{Email|It is the PSP 3000 slim and bright or whatever it is called. I need to find some good games for it.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy. Me too. My studies are driving me
overboard. I think I will go nuts. I have had to reach out and help
my dad too since his new enterprise is going nowhere.

I really don't think a dinner date is a good idea given my total work
overload. Sorry to say it's email for now!

What else is new?}}

====And gets even more bored with answers to questions nobody asked====
{{EmailReply|One good place to look for a start is in the Playstation Store on the Playstation Network. This can be done on your PC or even on your PSP. If you haven't done so yet, you can create an account for yourself on your PSP, and download the most current version of MediaGo onto your PC from http://store.playstation.com. You can browse the store for downloadable games, demos and videos. Some content requires a one-time purchase; you may use your debit/credit card, or you may go to the local Best Buy, Sam's Club or GameStop and buy some PSN Cards with increments of 10, 20 or 50 dollars. Should you decide to use a debit/credit card directly, be warned that there will be an additional dollar put on hold for a while to verify the card. Funds can be added under "Account Management" on your PSP, or on MediaGo, under "Transaction Management" then "Transfer Funds" There, you can add increments of 5, 10, 20, 50 or even the maximum limit of the grand total in the PSN wallet of 150. And if you don't have enough in the virtual wallet, you will be prompted to add the difference from your card at checkout. There are games Exclusively for Download Only from the Playstation Store, so feel free to read all the details for each title. They even have PSOne classics playable on both Playstation 3 and PSP.

I also highly reccomend investing in a 16 GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, which is available at Best Buy or Wal-Mart, which at average is currently priced at around $100.

And, of course, GameStop is a drive-to destination for reccomended PSP UMD titles, which works for you since you have a PSP with a UMD drive (versus the PSP Go which does not have a UMD drive).

I have been a loyal PSN account holder and customer since I bought my PS3 back in March, 2007.

But I digress. I am safe and well, thank you. :) I am still hanging with my family and working on Sonichu. BTW, I am currently looking for people to video-interview (to be uploaded onto my YouTube) for their views on Sonichu and expanding business-wise with merchandise and such. If you have some friends who know Sonichu from my Cwcipedia, please ask them for me if they will volunteer their time. I would appreciate it very much. And your opinions count too, and if you are willing to volunteer yourself, I would appreciate that too.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tries to be helpful====
{{Email|Hey!

That's pretty interesting. I talked to a few friends and contacts who
knew about Sonichu (I never realised how widespread it was, I thought
it was a bit more underground) and I have come up with about 10 (maybe
more) people who are all very keen on being interviewed. How many
people are you willing to accept? How much knowledge of Sonichu do
they have to have and do they need a webcam or is audio enough? Will
you be doing these interviews over Skype? I don't think I will have
time for an interview myself but what should I tell all these
interested parties?

ČAU!!!!
Regina}}

====Chris promptly tries to get others to do the work for him====
{{EmailReply|Please reply right after you read this. I would prefer in-person interviews with each one with me and my digital camera. Perhaps we can setup the on-the-street interviews for Wednesday or Thursday; I have a deadline of Friday for the full video. I would like to meet at the Downtown Mall by the old fountain (next to the Paramount Theatere) at about 3:00 PM, but please let me know which day is more agreeable between all the volunteers. Thank you soo much, Regina.

If you can find some free time, I'll gladly accept a video MP4 file of you sharing your opinions and thoughts on Sonichu expanding into the merchandise and all. You can film it, upload the file onto a Upload Site Server, send me the link to the video, and I'll download it to be added into the final video.

I'll TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}
====Chris is afraid of a little rain====
{{EmailReply|Just to let you know, the filming will have to be on Thursday since it is raining today. As an alternative, your friends may film their opinions and views on Sonichu in Merchandise, upload their files onto an upload server site and send me the links (preferably all links through you to me, so all of the links can be in one message).

Thank you again for your help.
Stay Safe, Cau,
Christian.}}

====???====
{{Email|Ok, I think most, if not all, will have to use the alternative. I just got this message and the other one. Most of the people who want to be filmed don't live in your area, so coming to the mall is out of the question for them. SO you want them to just give their opinions or should I refer them to you to be interviewed via some online method?}}

====Chris still doesn't really give a shit if people aren't doing something for him====
{{EmailReply|I see, please let me know how many of them do live in the area. And please let those in other states know to make the videos of their opinions. I apologize for the inconvience, but their input will be most valued.

To change the subject a bit, are you planning on flying back to your family during the Holiday break? For me, it'll be another stay-at-home with my family thing for me; simple and good.

TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}

====Some helpful advice that promptly gets ignored====
{{Email|Hey!

If I could make a bit of a recommendation, companies being pitched a
new product like to be shown the potential for expansion outside the
original fanbase. You should make a large survey of people who are
not familiar with Sonichu so that you can demonstrate how it can be
put into new households. They know that your current fans will buy it
but they need to be shown that it can pick up new buyers. Basic rule
of industry is that if you can't expand, then you should abandon the
project for something that will, otherwise it won't make money.

You should start polling strangers about Sonichu and offer them
something for their time, like a cookie or whatever.

See you later!
Regina}}

End of contact from our retard...

[[Category:E-mails]]

Talk:Son-Chu

2010-05-07T21:30:24Z

Draygoon:

=Chandler cars=
Should we list the other two cars or what? [[User:Janitor|Janitor]] 06:58, 9 April 2009 (CEST)
*Maybe, but definitely not in this article. Or you could briefly mention them here in passing. The only major reference we have to the other cars is the pic of Chris in front of the BMW. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:56, 9 April 2009 (CEST)
*In the house tour vids, we see a few other cars. Some of them are hard to make out, but a Ford Aerostar is in the yard, and what looks to be a BMW Z3 roadster behind the house in a state of disrepair. It seems Bob has a thing for BMWs, and the Chandler family doesn't mind Fords. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 22:37, 2 October 2009 (CEST)
:*There's a picture from when Chris was 16 with the BMW. The problem is, we really can't say much because 1) we don't know all the cars they have and 2) all we can say is "The Chandlers have the following cars." Though if someone can do a better job than the person who made a "Chandler cars" article, then go ahead. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:57, 3 October 2009 (CEST)

I attempted to make a page for the Z3, but the article was deleted.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 01:18, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

== Trollin' ==

What if someone stole the plate off of Chris's car? But you would have to do something to let him know, like cut it in half and give half to him, or mail him a letter to let him know. Suggestions?

* I'm pretty sure that's illegal, and CWCki is not a forum, go discuss trolling somewhere else..[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 03:27, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

*Is that legal?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 01:22, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

==Rename==
The CWCipedia article on the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens has a section "My other car is an autobot" where he goes on about how this car of his is actually an autobot named Sonchu and crazy Transformers shit. Anyone in favor of renaming the article SonChu and focus more on the car than the vanity plate? Or should we rename it to the more colloquial "Sonichumobile"? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:16, 30 July 2009 (CEST)
*I think that the vanity plate is still an important subject, since the motherfucker put Sonichu on it in big letters. But I do think that we could incorporate it into the article, while still making the car seem more important. But it is an important subject when it comes to CWC. And dam funny.--[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 19:35, 30 July 2009 (CEST)

== Vanity Plate of Fail ==

I think the vanity plate should be added to the [[Relics of Fail]]. It qualifies as one because it cost him money (IE tax payer money) to get "SONICHU" written on his license plate, which range in price from $10 to $70 on average. The license plate also qualifies because it is something which makes Chris easily identifiable by anybody in the know of his exploits, which is helpful considering how many fat ugly people drive shitty, poorly maintained 10 year old station wagons in Virginia. --[[User:CrassCrab|The Great Wizard CrassCrab, Lord of the Seven Realm and Master of the Archane Black Arts of the Eleventh Trans-Dimensional Vortex]] 20:42, 5 December 2009 (CET)

== Expired Plates? ==

While I was brushing up this article, I noticed that in all of the pictures, the license plates are tagged as expiring in '07. It could be that the picture was merely taken in '07, but because the Chris-chan internet phenomena started in mid'07, it's likely that these pictures were taken in that year, if not later. If there is one thing that Chris is dependable about, he's dependably lazy. Could it be that he's too lazy to get his plates renewed? Can we verify when these pictures were taken or, even better, get a more recent picture of his car?--[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 22:16, 9 January 2010 (UTC)

== Parking Permit ==

Where did he say he got the parking permit for his autism? From what comes up when you Google "disabled parking autism", they're intended for parents whose kids have fits in the store and/or bolt into traffic. I'm starting to think he has it because he's too weak to walk all the way across a parking lot. [[User:Popobawa69|Popobawa69]] 19:06, 31 January 2010 (UTC)
* I can't find whether Virginia issues disabled parking permits for the obese. Perhaps the placard is Snorlax's? It's her car, after all. --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 21:30, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Pocket knife

2010-03-19T05:15:14Z

Draygoon:

Is it possible he got the knife for his birthday, since it's only appeared just recently? --[[User:Iroquois|Iroquois]] 21:38, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

* He may have ordered it off of [[ebay]] for a birthday gift to himself, and so that he can attack any trolls he meets in real life wth it. --[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 21:40, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
** Of course, considering how improperly he uses it, anyone could kick his ass before he even had the chance to pull it out. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 21:55, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
** Yeah it's obvious that he thinks he can dominate people with it, and also I believe the first appearence of the nife wasn't even in a video but in Sonichu Special 4 in which Liquid uses a knife, so maybe he's had it for a while, and just started using it now? --[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 6:24, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
*Lucky there are no gun control laws over there reallly-[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 19:50, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

== Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots! ==

Look carefully, he doesn't end up using the blade, he's using one of the smaller functions (that have their turning point in the middle of the knife, not at the end). It's either the hole-drill, or the cork-screw (and probably the latter, as that's the easiest to pull out). [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 18:53, 15 March 2010 (UTC)
*Does this mean it's a swiss army knife? If so then this should be put in the article. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 19:04, 15 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yep, you're right. Good looking out there. (You can see just as he puts the knife away, he's holding it with whichever blade/tool that is sticking out between his fingers.) [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 19:09, 15 March 2010 (UTC)
*It's not as if the knife blade on those things is difficult to pull out. Maybe a page on "Chris and Motor Skills" might be warranted?--[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 05:15, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

File talk:Chrischantwoface.jpg

2010-03-18T13:18:17Z

Draygoon: Created page with 'This art is awesome, Basgon. I love how you even included the little runaway tuft of hair behind Chris's left ear. Lulz-worthy. --~~~~'

This art is awesome, Basgon. I love how you even included the little runaway tuft of hair behind Chris's left ear. Lulz-worthy. --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 13:18, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Chris Drops the N-Bomb

2010-03-18T03:29:44Z

Draygoon: /* Changing Names */

The TRANSCRIBING OF DEES BITCHES GIVES ME GREAT JOY. Also, someone rename this because it's current name is bad and unbearable.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:24, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

==Changing Names==

Any takers for "Chris Drop the N-Bomb"? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:28, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:Seconded. --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 03:29, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Happy Sonichu Day

2010-03-18T03:21:04Z

Draygoon:

I'm going to TRANSCRIBE DIS BITCH so hard that she may very well be destroyed by the process.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:11, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:I hate it when Chris calls himself an artist, ruins my day, also, go Beat and transcribe dis bitch to the EXTREME!.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 03:18, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:Do it NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW. Youtube is broken on my ISP for some reason and I'm missing all the fun. --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 03:20, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Happy Sonichu Day

2010-03-18T03:20:46Z

Draygoon:

I'm going to TRANSCRIBE DIS BITCH so hard that she may very well be destroyed by the process.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:11, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:I hate it when Chris calls himself an artist, ruins my day, also, go Beat and transcribe dis bitch to the EXTREME!.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 03:18, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

Do it NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW. Youtube is broken on my ISP for some reason and I'm missing all the fun. --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 03:20, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Hanna

2010-03-17T01:35:07Z

Draygoon:

==To do==
*Get image from comic
*Get some of the stuff from his old MySpace page about Hanna.

Is the "director of Fight Club" bit a joke I'm not picking up on? Chuck Palahniuk wrote the novel Fight Club, David Fincher directed the movie based on the book... [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 00:44, 20 October 2009 (CEST)
* Chris wrote in the comic that he was the director of Fight Club, and also that his name was "Paladuck." This could have been based on Hanna's pronunciation of his last name (it's PAULA-nick), but there could be some other retarded reason.

Chuck Palahniuk is also a homo, maybe he's called Paladuck cause he likes to suck ducks. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:48, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

I keep seeing elsewhere that she made Chris shout "NOOOOOOO!" in public. Shouldn't that be mentioned here along with some evidence that that really happened? [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 01:35, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

Father Call

2010-03-16T07:52:03Z

Draygoon: Corrected a broken link to the "SEGA" page

[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yup!]]

Early in November 2009, [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with Matthew Devoria, father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.

He's even playing ''Portal'' during the phone conversation, if you go to 01:22:21, you'll hear a turret saying "target lost", seconds after Chris is told by Matthew that Kacey hasn't heard a word Chris has said. [[Fail|''The irony is undeniable''.]]

[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]

Their conversation is...illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog|inability]] [[pokemon|to]] [[video games|grow]] [[sonichu|up]], [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[fat|rotund figure]], and for generally being a [[fail|failure]] at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended [[Kacey]] and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which didn't go so well...

==Transcript==
===Mathew makes the scene===
'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right, actually I'm working on a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? Cause, reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

 '''Dad:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?

 '''Dad:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

 '''Dad:''' Good, good... So, uh... I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]], I have been filling applications left and right.

 '''Dad:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w-yeah, I'm like a - I'm applying for like uh - retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]...I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months...first off I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

 '''Dad:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff...did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

 '''Dad:''' And you're working at...''Target''...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27...sir.

 '''Dad:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You WANNA work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm...yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know...but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

 '''Dad:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh...I graduated in 2006.

 '''Dad:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?
===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...

 '''Dad:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

 '''Dad:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading Card Game league a few years back...

 '''Dad:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

 '''Dad:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

 '''Dad:''' How long ago was this? That Pokemon thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]]? I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

 '''Dad:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-

 '''Dad:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.

 '''Dad:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' ... Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

 '''Dad:''' Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, you know, pay? And I mean, that doesnt sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

 '''Dad:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, [[fail|not so good at showing up]], so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of..heavy lifting.

 '''Dad:''' Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|2-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

 '''Dad:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] Almost 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.

 '''Dad:''' And uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

 '''Dad:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

 '''Dad:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:'''Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.

 '''Dad:''' ...with her help?

'''Chris:''' ...and get a place of my own...

 '''Dad:''' You need her help to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like you know..um..some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know..uh...I..it's like a....whole bunch of details..you know...yeah.

 '''Dad:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

 '''Dad:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

 '''Dad:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.

 '''Dad:''' So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.
===Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby===
 '''Dad:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

 '''Dad:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself.

'''Chris:'''I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your
daughter as well.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:'''Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].

 '''Dad:''' Do you now.

'''Chris:'''I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

 '''Dad:''' So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

 '''Dad:''' Are you now.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

 '''Dad:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

 '''Dad:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

 '''Dad:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

 '''Dad:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.

 '''Dad:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

 '''Dad:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance. Anything else, dad?

 '''Dad:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?

 '''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.

 '''Dad:''' I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.

 '''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.

 '''Dad:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

 '''Dad:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

 '''Dad:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

 '''Dad:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

 '''Dad:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

 '''Dad:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

 '''Dad:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
 '''Dad:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

 '''Dad:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

 '''Dad:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

 '''Dad:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

 '''Dad:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

 '''Dad:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

 '''Dad:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go - don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

 '''Dad:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]....

 '''Dad:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

 '''Dad:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to draw and color. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I sculpt. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even technologically smart. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

 '''Dad:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

 '''Dad:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

 '''Dad:''' But..you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm....yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

 '''Dad:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

 '''Dad:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.
===Kacey's boobs and internet fame===
 '''Dad:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

 '''Dad:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

 '''Dad:''' ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''he laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].

 '''Dad:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

 '''Dad:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

 '''Dad:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

 '''Dad:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

 '''Dad:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the electric hedgehog Pokemon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

 '''Dad:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokemon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the technology with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

 '''Dad:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

 '''Dad:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

 '''Dad:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, internet, and I became internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

 '''Dad:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

 '''Dad:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this internet, I mean you just, all this internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.
===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
 '''Dad:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

 '''Dad:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

 '''Dad:'''You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser internet troll, who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], who’s alias is Gregg Mays, and…

 '''Dad:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

 '''Dad:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

 '''Dad:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [trails off with a faint groaning] Yeah, but anyway,

 '''Dad:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

 '''Dad:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [Pause] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

 '''Dad:''' …Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

 '''Dad:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That… are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing

 '''Dad:''' Are you making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

 '''Dad:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

 '''Dad:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

 '''Dad:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

 '''Dad:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

 '''Dad:''' Also sounds a little gay. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background.''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

 '''Dad:''' Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

 '''Dad:''' [''Matt has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while.''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.
===Maturity, and chores===
 '''Dad:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''Chris rapidly loses coherence.''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

 '''Dad:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up sir! I have moved, I have moved on from Pokemon years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

 '''Dad:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokemon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers.''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

 '''Dad:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

 '''Dad:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

 '''Dad:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

 '''Dad:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

 '''Dad:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

 '''Dad:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

 '''Dad:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

 '''Dad:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of my tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokemon for years, sir!

 '''Dad:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

 '''Dad:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.

 '''Dad:''' [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

 '''Dad:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play guitar.

 '''Dad:''' You have to stand up to play guitar! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

 '''Dad:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

 '''Dad:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

 '''Dad:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

 '''Dad:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

 '''Dad:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

 '''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.
===Death and fake internet women===
 '''Dad:''' [''Matt is about to break down laughing.''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

 '''Dad:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

 '''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

 '''Dad:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

 '''Dad:''' [''stress sigh of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the twin towers. And you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

 '''Dad:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

 '''Dad:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood and plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

 '''Dad:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

 '''Dad:''' And that's just, that's just...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at straws at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

 '''Dad:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

 '''Dad:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those two women died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

 '''Dad:''' You don't even know these people!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

 '''Dad:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''He is in a state of great consternation.''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

 '''Dad:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this one time where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

 '''Dad:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']

 '''Dad:''' I am looking at Kacey right now.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

 '''Dad:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

 '''Dad:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!
===The maggot Manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
 '''Dad:''' "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

 '''Dad:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

 '''Dad:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

 '''Dad:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts.''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

 '''Dad:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

 '''Dad:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

 '''Dad:''' Yes-they-are! Everyone works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

 '''Dad:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw a video of your house. It's a fucking mess! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

 '''Dad:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

 '''Dad:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears.''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

 '''Dad:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

 '''Dad:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

 '''Dad:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

 '''Dad:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

 '''Dad:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

 '''Dad:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...
===Kacey returns===
 '''Dad:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

 '''Dad:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

 '''Dad:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

 '''Dad:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

 '''Dad:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

 '''Dad:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!

 '''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

 '''Dad:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

 '''Dad:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

 '''Dad:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

 '''Dad:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

 '''Dad:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
 '''Dad:''' And if the internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

 '''Dad:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' The last book I read...was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''.

 '''Dad:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

 '''Dad:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

 '''Dad:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

 '''Dad:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I...have...learned...that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

 '''Dad:''' That's ''Of Mice and Men''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

 '''Dad:''' Yeeeaaaaah...did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

 '''Dad:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is...just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

 '''Dad:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who Atticus Finch was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus...hm...Atticus...hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

 '''Dad:''' Yesss...man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I...I've read it, about a month ago.

 '''Dad:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

 '''Dad:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed.''] Stuff...candy...don't...I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

 '''Dad:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

 '''Dad:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

 '''Dad:''' Kacey says you eat McDonald's. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

 '''Dad:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, Chris is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

 '''Dad:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

 '''Dad:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

 '''Dad:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

 '''Dad:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

 '''Dad:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after...that was 30 seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

 '''Dad:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

 '''Dad:''' I'm a Marine. Not after...a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but...how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe...maybe after, I don't know, 10 miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about 15 minutes on a daily basis.

 '''Dad:''' 15 minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

 '''Dad:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't...you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to videorecord five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' You "can"?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

 '''Dad:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

 '''Dad:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

 '''Dad:''' Don't...[''sputters'']...don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

 '''Dad:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

 '''Dad:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well...yeah, well, I can't...

 '''Dad:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like...half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

 '''Dad:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

 '''Dad:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

 '''Dad:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

 '''Dad:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
 '''Dad:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have...you would be like Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than Chris.

 '''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

 '''Dad:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than Chris, you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

 '''Dad:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

 '''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

 '''Dad:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry Chris. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on YouTube where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

 '''Dad:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

 '''Dad:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

 '''Dad:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''Chris shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath.''] EVER.

 '''Dad:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from Wendy's, most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

 '''Dad:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

 '''Dad:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about eight dollars an hour.

 '''Dad:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

 '''Dad:''' If you want to do lifting you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''He takes a contemptuous tone.''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

 '''Dad:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

 '''Dad:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

 '''Dad:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

 '''Dad:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

 '''Dad:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, daddy?

 '''Dad:''' What's this he's talking about...minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

 '''Dad:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

 '''Dad:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

 '''Dad:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, daddy?

 '''Dad:''' He's always been...he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

 '''Dad:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

 '''Dad:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the honest truth, from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, Chris charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uhm, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to God.

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

 '''Dad:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

 '''Dad:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

 '''Dad:''' Stop sighing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

 '''Dad:''' Didn't you just hear, she...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

 '''Dad:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

 '''Dad:''' This is...this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

 '''Dad:''' But this is...she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W...well, I'm sorry she's upset.

 '''Dad:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you...you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

 '''Dad:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send...I promise you. I have not been lying.

 '''Dad:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.
===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
 '''Dad:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play video games again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

 '''Dad:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your Pokeymans, watch TV. Sleep. Eat McDonald's. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

 '''Dad:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

 '''Dad:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

 '''Dad:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

 '''Dad:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

 '''Dad:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

 '''Dad:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

 '''Dad:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

 '''Dad:''' O...kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

 '''Dad:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

 '''Dad:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. FAT. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

 '''Dad:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for 15 minutes. That's...that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to 30 minutes.

 '''Dad:''' 30 minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

 '''Dad:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

 '''Dad:''' A day. That...I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

 '''Dad:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

 '''Dad:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on Lipitor?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

 '''Dad:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

 '''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

 '''Dad:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long...do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

 '''Dad:''' And play...okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

 '''Dad:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

 '''Dad:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little Buddha belly and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

 '''Dad:''' And you just told me 15 minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, 15 minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, so you don't even run 15 minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's 15, they're, 15 minutes, they're 15-minute intervals, like I do 15 minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another 15 minutes of jogging.

 '''Dad:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

 '''Dad:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

 '''Dad:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

 '''Dad:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

 '''Dad:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About 72 beats per minute.

 '''Dad:''' 72 beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about 100 beats per minute.

 '''Dad:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately 84 right now.

 '''Dad:''' 84 from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like arrhythmia or tachycardia. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of stress from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to
anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to McDonald's, and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response.''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're 30.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

 '''Dad:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic.''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't...less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive.''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go McDonald's anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

 '''Dad:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
 '''Dad:''' She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

 '''Dad:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

 '''Dad:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues.'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

 '''Dad:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

 '''Dad:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.

 '''Dad:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

 '''Dad:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

 '''Dad:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

 '''Dad:''' And I think she should be with her real fiancé right now. [''Long silence.''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like...a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly...as a friend...a true friend, a good friend...

 '''Dad:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

 '''Dad:''' I do know. Because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well...points of view.

 '''Dad:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.

 '''Dad:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

 '''Dad:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I...am an American! I am proud to be an American and I am STRONG. I am an individual...

 '''Dad:''' Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

 '''Dad:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that 9/11 video. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.

 '''Dad:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.
===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

 '''Dad:''' And you still made it. You...you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

 '''Dad:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

 '''Dad:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't...that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because...I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

 '''Dad:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

 '''Dad:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the internet.

'''Chris:''' No!

 '''Dad:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

 '''Dad:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

 '''Dad:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is turquoise.

 '''Dad:''' Turquoise? That's...that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

 '''Dad:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

 '''Dad:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

 '''Dad:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

 '''Dad:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

 '''Dad:''' No...[''exasperated sigh'']...no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

 '''Dad:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.
===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

 '''Dad:''' A preschooler. God. This is...man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so...[[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

 '''Dad:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just...you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

 '''Dad:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

 '''Dad:''' "Nothing at the moment"?

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

 '''Dad:''' Are you...wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I...no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

 '''Dad:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

 '''Dad:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

 '''Dad:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you...I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

 '''Dad:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

 '''Dad:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

 '''Dad:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

 '''Dad:''' Making...mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

 '''Dad:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

 '''Dad:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

 '''Dad:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel...anger.

 '''Dad:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

 '''Dad:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

 '''Dad:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli...what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

 '''Dad:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with...I'm sure your "autism" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not totally retarded.

 '''Dad:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.
===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

 '''Dad:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had 27 years of experience.

 '''Dad:''' With what? Eating McDonald's and watching TV? Son, Chris is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had 52 years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school...prinstapull...and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

 '''Dad:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

 '''Dad:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

 '''Dad:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

 '''Dad:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy...this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental...if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

 '''Dad:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''Angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage.'']

 '''Dad:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has don nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

 '''Dad:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

 '''Dad:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

 '''Dad:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet 27 years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

 '''Dad:''' And you...and you haven't, she wasn't alive 27 years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole 27 years.

 '''Dad:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

 '''Dad:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

 '''Dad:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

 '''Dad:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!
===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
 '''Dad:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

 '''Dad:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

 '''Dad:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

 '''Dad:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

 '''Dad:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

 '''Dad:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

 '''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

 '''Dad:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff her to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about...on her.

 '''Dad:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

 '''Dad:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

 '''Dad:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

 '''Dad:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' Or even tried to.

 '''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Truly.

 '''Dad:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? Only one.

 '''Dad:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

 '''Dad:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

 '''Dad:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

 '''Dad:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

 '''Dad:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

 '''Dad:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

 '''Dad:''' You can't think of...I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean...I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to Applebee's, and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

 '''Dad:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about ten dollars.

 '''Dad:''' Ten dollars.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

 '''Dad:''' That's...ten dollars for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

 '''Dad:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

 '''Dad:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

 '''Dad:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15 or 20 percent.

 '''Dad:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid 10 dollars?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

 '''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

 '''Dad:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15 percent of 10 is a dollar fifty.

 '''Dad:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, 80 dollars for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm...let's see...that would be about 12 dollars.

 '''Dad:''' So you would pay just 12 dollars, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

 '''Dad:''' You could at least...they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well...good for them.

 '''Dad:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

 '''Dad:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

 '''Dad:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

 '''Dad:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

 '''Dad:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

 '''Dad:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

 '''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

 '''Dad:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

 '''Dad:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.
===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence.''] Well...I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

 '''Dad:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

 '''Dad:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's...that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for 15 to 30 minutes.

 '''Dad:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

 '''Dad:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

 '''Dad:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

 '''Dad:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

 '''Dad:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

 '''Dad:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

 '''Dad:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the Aladdin movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than 10 times. In my lifetime. At this point.

 '''Dad:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

 '''Dad:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence.''] I see.

 '''Dad:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in.''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh.'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid LittleBigPlanet thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean...yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then...and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid LittleBigPlanet thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the STRESS. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again.''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

 '''Dad:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

 '''Dad:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

 '''Dad:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns.''] I would like to say...good evening.

 '''Dad:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out.'']

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Mumble 2

2010-02-16T06:13:21Z

Draygoon:

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|180px|In Mumble 2, a Wild [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]] appeared.]]

'''Mumble 2''' is the second [[Mumble]] chat that took place on 4 [[February 2009]]. More than an hour long.

This is a more organized Q&A type chat than [[Mumble 1]]. Questions from [[Clyde]] about [[sex]] in the [[comic]] and interesting tidbits about how Chris believes sex is the same as romance. This is pretty hard hitting, with stuff like how Chris is into [[McDonald's|fast food]] yet he's against tobacco. A lot of drama involving Clyde.

==Summary==
* Chris no like Clyde =( he stole his sweetheart
* audio cut out for a minute and then you hear Chris say: "....HYMEN!" (You broke her hymen)
* Trolls claim [[Panda]] is with Clyde, Chris wants to hear her voice, they say she's busy
* 'She and I WERE very close'
* Chris didn't have 400 to 800 dollars to go see Panda; claims he got this number from an airport website recommended by [[Miyamoto]]
* Insists on [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] being in [[Animal Crossing]]
* Doesn't want to talk about his deal with them
* Insists that he doesn't have to turn down his radio since his voice is louder (''it is horribly loud in the mic'')
* Panda gave Clyde all of the sites, etc.
* [[Sarah]] is going to be with Clyde, which Chris wants to deny
* These motherfuckers keep talking over each other
* Calls a troll's critique crap
* Bubbles must be aroused, she isn't wet all the time
* Bubbles is 90% water so does sperm just swim around forever? NO
* Clyde: This is a children's comic, why so much sex?
* '''Chris:''' It is romance. My best artwork is when they're making out 'romantic moments', drawn in protest to trolls. Shows that [[Rosechu]]s have vaginas, not [[duck]]s.
* Admits to maybe going overboard
* Trolls try to reason with him about the [[ED]] article: There wouldn't be an article if he didn't react like he does.
* Trolls say that TV-Y7 means NO SEX but Chris points to romantic animes that have making out (cartoons are for kids even if there's sex is his reasoning)
* Trolls talk about Japan being less strict about those things
* Everyone gets to vote in [[CWCville]]. You can hear him say, 'even if they're [[Niggos|black]]'.
* Got his idea from [[Mary Poppins]], HIS FAVORITE MOVIE
* Troll tries to give historical background about cough medicine putting kids to sleep to which Chris insists it was the lullaby that put them to sleep.
* Trolls go into deep conversation about children, cough medicine, etc.
* Chris planned for no references to cough medicine.
* Discussion about Chris, 'gay message' sent by a troll
* He calls Clyde a scoundrel
* BELIEVE HIM HE IS STRAIGHT
* Chris speaks Mexican at 20:50 LAWL
* Mexican speaks Mexican to him... he replies in Menglish
* [[4-cent_garbage]] is located in Mexico
* Someone says that he needs to improve his Mexican
* Chris is against smoking, CWCville is smoke-free, alcholic free
* Rehash of why [[tobacky]] is bad, his position on it, alchohol....bar fights
* Chris' dad smoked had several bypasses, has a pacemaker, had heart attacks
* Mention of his hair cuttings for his fans
* Motherfuckers talk over each other, question about fast food not answered
* Chris was doing math in his head, got in car crash.
* Chris has taken college level math. Took trigonometry.
* He designed a [[CWCville Shopping Center|shopping center]]
* Trolls gang up on Clyde for stealing Panda
* Time will tell when Chris will make the money he would have in the nintendo deal
* Trolls bash Clyde for his pot smoking
* Chris doesn't watch news because it's bad news =(
* Bashing of the Mexican
* Chris can type 30 to 100 WPM
* Chris can't type and talk at the same time
* Chris says [[PSN]] is free though Clyde(?) points to the 1000 dollars Chris spent on PSN
* Chris has been typing for 15 minutes now and it is VERY loud
* Chris has been busy IRL therefore the comic release doesn't have a date
* Someone points to nudes on [[YouTube]].
* He does not have it on the YouTube, but he isn't going to take it anymore.
* Claims some of the photos are photoshopped.
* Clyde offers help to take ED page down.
* Chris denies taking those pictures, doesn't want to talk about it, making him uncomfortable.
* Some of the pictures are real. When questioned which ones are fake, Chris can't answer.
* Chris hates Harry Potter because HP was in competition with [[Pokemon]]!
* Chris is too stressed to read Vivian's [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|book]], he likes the cover though!
* Chris has heard of Twilight, will wait until DVD comes out to see it
* Polly, who has been talking the whole time is confronted by Chris who thinks she is a guy. Polly is upset. Chris apologizes.
* Chris like [[Monty Python]], same Monty Python from first conversation
* [[Jimmy Hill]] has launched his Sonichu show
* More Mexican talk at 55:10
* Chris giggles and sighs happily when Cassie, another Mexican, compliments him and when she leaves he says 'Chikita Bonita'
* Rabbichoso talk (Sonichu.info)
* Classic trolls are leaving Chris alone.
* Chris likes Steel Angel Kurumi (''quote from [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Angel_Kurumi Wikipedia]: the show is often classified as ecchi due to the focus on fanservice and panty shots'')
* Chris claims to be very strong, could beat Clyde up. Says he would show Clyde a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force| Hard Day's Night]].
* Would definitely give Clyde lots of pain
* NO ONE CAN STOP CLYDE
* ShinyMarshtomp makes an appearance? Likes Rabbichoso
* Chris likes to eat at [[Country Cookin]] (''like Golden Corral'')
* Chris likes to imagine his first time.
* Clyde says the first time is awful, Chris said it was because Clyde prematurely ejaculated
* Watch porn with naked women to cure your gay
* Guys sitting next to you = gay coming on to you
* None of Chris's friends come to his [[house]]
* Falsion has been in the chat room, is afraid he is gay

=== A Wild Snorlax Appears ===

* [[Barbara]] asks if Chris wants hot dogs (''insert penis joke here'')
* Chris will only be acquaintances with Falsion

:[''1:12:30'']
:'''Chris:''' I'm just answering a few questions mother.
:'''Barbara:''': You don't have to answer. They ain't payin' you to do it.
:'''Troll:''' Yeah, they are.
:[''shuffling sounds, clangings'']
:'''Barbara:''': It ain't none of their business no way. I wouldn't be asked questions like that by employers or anybody.
:'''Troll:''' Chris what is happening?
:'''Chris:''' Obviously, my mother is offering her input.
:'''Barbara:''': I don't need no back talk from somebody comin' out the other end of the phone line.
:'''Chris:''' I hear you, mom.
:[''scraping sounds'']
:'''Barbara:''': These idiots don't have any brains or any idea this way or that.
:[''more banging, clangs, tumbling sounds'']
:'''Troll:''' Is it your bed time right now...?
:'''Chris:''' Pixelblocks, Pixelblocks!
:'''Troll:''' Someone's saying "Pixelblocks." Is it you? Chris, are you saying [[Pixelblocks]]?
:'''Chris:''':Haha...
:[''Chris's mom has been singing'']
:'''Troll:''' Your mother has a beautiful singing voice, Chris.
:'''Barbara:''': [''inaudible''] all the anxiety, causing you stress.
:'''Chris:''' Well sometimes they don't, they can be peaceful.
:'''Barbara:''': Well Mom and Dad get their [''inaudible'']
:'''Chris:''': Mmm, a lot of us do.
:'''Barbara:''': Just look at this nasty mess here that you guys left that I got to clean up.
:'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Yeah I took care of my bills, I mean, not completely but I took care of them.
:[''Clanging noises return after short absence'']
:[''Trolls talk about General Hospital, then ask for forgiveness for Clyde'']
:[''Demonic voice briefly heard'']
:[''Sound of a vacuum cleaner'']
:[''Sound of Chris' mom singing'']
:'''Troll:''' Your mom has a beautiful voice, Chris.
:[''Meme spouting back and forth'']
:Do you watch Code Geass or Naruto?
:.........
:I'm going to watch Shuffle! sometime
:[''Naruto talk... or some anime'']
:[''More clanging, vacuuming'']
:'''Chris:''' ...got my headphones on. And you know what else? They like your singing.
:'''Barbara:''': ...I don't sing.
:'''Chris:''':You just did!
:'''Barbara:''': That's my laugh, my laugh!
:'''Chris:''' They just did, they heard you singing just now
:'''Barbara:''': I can't sing!
:'''Chris:''':You just did!
:'''Barbara:''': [''inaudible'']
:'''Chris:''' They just heard you singing in the microphone.
:'''Barbara:''': Did you write <del>cheques</del> checks for those bills?
:'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yes mother I did.
:'''Barbara:''': You're not telling me a story?
:'''Chris:''' No, I'm not telling you a story.
:'''Barbara:''': It's important [''inaudible''] did you pay them?
:'''Chris:''' Yes I paid them
:'''Barbara:''': Okay you need to be honest with me.
:'''Chris:''' No you're saying... I'm being honest, I'm being honest.
:'''Barbara:''': How you respond to what...what [we] talk about. You say you want to do something and you don't do it then life is gonna change [our ideas soon?]
:'''Chris:''' Ok... I'll be sure to pay the remaining difference next month.
:'''Barbara:''': No, this month.
:'''Chris:''' I couldn't pay them all with 90 dollars so there's still some there that [''sound cuts'']
:...oh you're cooking them up here that's why you turned the fan on over the stove.
:[''trolls rejoice and mock Momma Chandler'']

==Transcript==
===Waiting for Chris===
 '''Polly:''' I can't wait to hear Chris! I'm a huge fan!
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, goddamn these noodles are fantastic. Man, I wish I could eat like this everyday.
 '''Troll:''' Have you eaten the rice balls?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no. These are noodles. These are... ''[Trolls interrupt]'' 
 '''Troll:''' Fan-fucking-tastic.
 '''Clyde:''' Fantastic, you know?
 '''Troll:''' Sweetangie is Chris. Or, we think so.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is him.
 '''Clyde:''' It's definitely not the real Chris.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm disappointed there's so many impostors out there. Kinda my fault, but, you know, if it weren't ''[unintelligible]'' Hard to come by.
 '''Troll:''' His mic was working last time he was here, just fine.
 '''Troll:''' He usually capitalizes his words, like in every sentence.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think he's - I don't think this is him.
 '''Troll:''' Is it set to push to talk or something?
''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Clyde:''' It's called push to talk. Push to talk.
 '''Troll:''' No, just have him set it to voice activity. It works so much better that way.
''[BlueSpike says something unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' You guys are fucking idiots.
''[Trolls talk over each other again]''
 '''Troll:''' You guys scared him off by being guys.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, you fucking jackasses. Nice going.
 '''Troll:''' Was that even the real...?
 '''Troll:''' Yes, that was the real Chris.
 '''Troll:''' He's too much of a pussy to talk.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, cause you scared him, or some - No, or he's too stupid to be.
''[Laughter]''

===Chris Arrives===
 '''Chris:''' ''[Chris arrives, with radio playing loudly.]'' Hello.
''[Trolls all greet him.]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, now-
 '''Troll:''' Why don't you have your microphone working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I don't know why my microphone is messed up.
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry, but we had an impostor here before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm registered. I've got myself registered now. So, uh, hopefully-
 '''Troll:''' That's probably why. It probably had to calibrate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well I calibrated now.
 '''Clyde:''' So, Chris, have you seen Rabbichozo's, uh, oh it's fantastic.
 '''Chris:''' I don't give a crap about your stupid pencil sketch.
''[Pause, audio cuts out]''
 '''Chris:''' Well for one thing, you stole my sweetheart!
''[Cutout continues]''

===PandaHalo, Trip to Redmond and Animal Crossing===
 '''Chris:''' You broke her hymen!
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I know it's a terrible mistake, but I plan to make it up to her. I'm doing the things I should do.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, and another thing, if she is really over there with you now, then put her on the mic. Please.
 '''Troll:''' She's not- He never said-
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, she's very busy, ok. She's very busy.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Clyde:''' She's not over here right now. Okay? So lets drop it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, fine. Well could you tell her to please send me a message lettin' me know, for sure, so I can know- so I can know.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' I'll let her know whatever you want, but it's her life. She doesn't have to send you a message. You failed her. You failed her.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sighs]'' She and I were very close.
 '''Clyde:''' You say you're so close, then why didn't you go?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sighs]'' Because I had- Aw, hang on a second. How do I- oh, that's right. This thing. Right. ''[Sighs]'' Hold on a sec. Oh yeah, because I did not have four to eight hundred dollars!
 '''Clyde:''' It doesn't cost that much to go cross-country.
 '''Chris:''' Yes it does. I know, I saw it on an airport website. Where I was be- Where I was- recommended to me by Mr. Miyamoto.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, you can drive there. It's not that hard.
 '''Troll:''' What happened with that? I thought, um, didn't you have a deal with them or something? I heard a rumor that your characters were going to be in Animal Crossing.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they are in Animal Crossing. And I did- and I do- I did have a deal with them.
 '''Troll:''' What happened though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' I'd rather not say.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.

===Chris's Radio, Clyde and Criticism===
 '''Troll:''' Chris, why don't you turn down the TV? It's hard to hear you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]'' I do not have a TV turned on in here.
 '''Troll:''' I can hear it.
 '''Chris:''' I have a radio.
 '''Troll:''' I hear something in the background.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Burping throughout sentence]'' Well that's the- that would b- the radio. And it is not that loud.
 '''Troll:''' But it shows up pretty well on your microphone mic. With due respect.
 '''Chris:''' But still, my voice is louder than the radio.
 '''Troll:''' Ah goo- ahh given.</font?>
 '''Polly:''' Uh, Chris? Uh, when are you going to do the new Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something over Polly]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' Uh, I'll answer Polly's question. I'm not sure. It's, uh, it's in progress right now, I'm drawing it up.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I can't wait to read it!
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Well, we'll see.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Troll:''' Listen, Clyde kind of has admin on here, so we can't really do anything about him. So, yeah. I don't know.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Hard to hear over Chris's radio]'' ...with you guys. I love you guys. Just as much as Chris loves you guys. Right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I was angry. I was angry. But I'm calm now.
 '''Troll:''' Don't try to hurt any other person from now on.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have much- I do not have much to say in response to that right now. Because I'm ticked off.
 '''Troll:''' Don't let him get to you.
 '''Troll:''' You're no better than he is, if you give in.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something unintelligible]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris, I just wanted to let you know I'm a huge fan of the comics, and I'm glad you keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job, and just keep it up, alright man?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I appreciate the, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? The, the, uh- well, the encouraging words. Encouragement. I appreciate the encouragement. Well, there are things, uh- I- er- current events I do not appreciate. I appreciate the positive encouragement.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I can't really do anything. He took over the IRC channel. I used to be the owner. I mean Clyde. He's like taking over everything.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, it was because Panda gave it to me, you know. But anyway, I mean, you can't just listen to encouragement, you've got to listen to criticism, man. Criticisms are what make you better, you learn from your mistakes. You learn from mistakes.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Be right back guys, my wife is calling.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't- I don't- Tons of people don't like the Rabbichozo art style, but you know, I gotta improve on that. That's something I plan to improve on. There's a lot of criticism in the death of Sonichu, right? 
 '''Chris:''' ''[Loudly]'' What? What did you just say?
 '''Clyde:''' There's a lot of criticism of Sonichu. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. For a moment there I thought you said something different.
 '''Clyde:''' What, what did you think I said? I'm just saying, there are people who like it and people who don't like it. You gotta start taking in those suggestions. You know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. So many things that will be improved upon. But, I just have to hear from Sarah herself that she really is going to be with you, Clyde. I have to hear it from herself. It's one thing to hear it from you and then it's- then on that note, it's just I find it very hard to believe. So I have to hear it from her.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I kinda think that Rabbichozo sucks. I mean, I think it could be funny, but it honestly looks like it's drawn by a kindergartener.
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Troll:''' I mean, Sonichu has evolved over the years. You can see that the art's getting better. Rabbichozo doesn't even look like something a beginner would do, honestly. I mean, ''[Interrupted]''
 '''Chris:''' A whole bunch of crap!
''[Everyone starts talking at once]''
 '''Polly:''' Also, Sonichu is in color.
 '''Clyde:''' I know, I accept this criticism. But you just called it crap! Now that's just rude.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have emotions going behind me- uh, behind that opinion.

===Cassie===
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, did you get my message.
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Clyde:''' Aren't you going to be the gentleman, then? Aren't you gonna be the gentleman?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I just want to ask you, Chris. I'm Cassie's friend. She- she's worried sick about you. Why haven't you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' I did email her! As a- I- I haven't gotten any re-plies from her. I have emailed her and I have instant messaged her on A.I.M. and Skype. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what's going on there.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' ...you emailed her.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' When was the last time you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll check.
 '''Polly:''' Um, Chris? I have a question. My fa- One of my favorite new characters is, um, Simonla, and like, I also like Zapina as well. Um, are they gonna have bigger parts in the series later on?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
 '''Polly:''' Um, I was wondering if Simonla and Zapina will either have bigger parts in the series later on. 
 '''Chris:''' Possibly. Possibly, but, uh, I can't say for sure. Oh, and, uh, to answer your question, uh- in answer to, uh, I believe, uh, Screwhead, who asked? It was about four days ago. About four days ago.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Yeah. Four days ago? Okay, I'll tell her to check it out.
 '''Chris:''' The last email I sent was about four days ago.
 '''Troll:''' She'll contact you in a while, though.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I'll tell her to check it out and- and thanks Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Mm.

===Bubbles's Pussy and Sex in the Comics===
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris? I have a question.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, my favorite character is Bubbles, I kinda liked the, uh, the thing she had going with Blake, where she was kind of keeping the relationship secret. I thought that was kinda clever. I was wondering, uh, she's a water-type, so does that mean that her vagina is always wet, or does she have to be aroused like a normal woman?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Yeah, aroused. That's applied for all the, uh, Rosechus there. And also, like, you know, she's not just a water-type, she's also- she's a water- and electric-type, like uh- oh, shoot- What's the name of that one? Originated from Gold-Silver-Crystal series, uh, evolves from Chinchou? Lanturn. And she has, uh, she has Volt Absorb ability.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, Chris, another question following Bubbles. Uh, her body is 90% water, and now this thing about the whole sexual intercourse - about it. Now, don't take this rude, and you don't need to answer me... 
 '''Chris:''' No, that's fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...I try to respect your creative work. My wife actually got me into this, uh, show actually. So, what happens is- like, as you know, like, semens are like little fishes in themselves. Would that mean, I mean, would they actually have a route to fly into the egg, in theory, or do they just swim around her whole body, just forever just swimming around.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. The, uh, the internal or- the internal organs uh, for the Rosechus are pretty much the same thing, so I'd say pre- about, uh, as good chance as most any other mammal.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, so you mean she's able to control her density a little bit more. She- I understand now. She's able to control more her density from the 90% water. Okay. That pretty much answers it just perfectly. That's been bothering me at work. ''Laughs''
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I got another question, Chris, about this whole sexual thing. I mean, this is a children's comic, right? Why is there so much sex in it?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. It's called romance, and my- and my- if you'll notice throughout the comics my best pieces of artwork among which were those where dey were kissing and making out. Romantic moments.
 '''Clyde:''' There's a hidden page.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' And because- and because- and because of the tension from, uh, the trolls and Encyclopedia Dramatica, I just felt like doing that in protest against them.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, but childre-
 '''Jack Thaddeus''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' Yes but how is that really a protest? That, you know, you know, are, are you like referencing to the 60's when women burned their bras? That was in protes- That was feminism. Saying that they weren't slaves to men. Do you even understand the whole thing?
 ''[Pause, multiple voices are heard at once]''
 '''Chris:''' Now, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about, I never really thought about that when I-
 '''Jack Thaddeus''' ''[Interrupting Chris]'' Then how is, stripping was, how was that protest- 
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Jack Thaddeus]'' It shows that they have vaginas and NOT dicks. 
 '''Jack Thaddeus''' The dick thing was the fact that they were just, you know, mocking you. I think you went overboard with that. 
 '''Chris:''' Well maybe I did. Maybe I did. 
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you did, because that seems kind of excessive, kind of (interrupted)
 '''Troll:''' I don't think they would have even bothered to write about an article about you if you didn't just keep reacting like that.

===Chris justifies sex in a kids' comic===

 '''Troll:''' I have another question.
 '''Troll:''' The point some of us are trying to make is, if it's TV-Y7 that means there should really be no sex in it at all.
 '''Clyde:''' ''(unintelligible over other people)''
 '''Chris:''' That's pretty much incorrect, I mean, uh, there's so many romantic anime that's TV-Y7, and they shoul- they have making out.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, a lot of things in Japan, Japan has stricter standards-not stricter, I mean looser guidelines than America. It's much different.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, I was just wondering what Bubbles, um, she has a, that water whirlwind attack, I was just curious if you had any plans to make- ''(Chris butts in)''
 '''Chris:''' By the way, that was a Whirl- Whirlpool.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, Whirlpool, sorry, sorry, Whirlpool, but do you have any plans to mix an, uh, Electric-type attack with that, since water conducts electricity, right? It could be a very powerful-
 '''Chris:''' ''(interrupts)'' Yeah, she did, she did an electric attack amongst the- the walls of that Whirlpool and she let out. In case you didn't know, there's a- little bits of lightning bolts among which-
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, I'm sor- I didn't notice that, I'm sorry, I'll go take another look. Thank you.
 '''Max?:''' Hey Chris-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max?:''' You make some pretty sweet Little Big Planet levels.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.

===Chris on Benadryl babysitting===

 '''Clyde:''' Oh, there's a message from Cogs on the side, about, uh, do women not have the right to vote already in CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' No, ervy- Everybody, no matter what age, no matter what gender or race, ervybody has the right to vote in CWCville. Even if they're black.
 '''Clyde:''' Then what's up with the "Votes for Women" thing, I was-
 '''Troll:''' Not just vote women, but- ''(interrupted)'' any other ethnicities, and gays?
 '''Troll:''' I don't understand-
 '''Chris:''' I did that- heard it in Mary Poppins.
 '''Jack:''' What? Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, man, Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Mary Poppins.
 '''Polly:''' I remember that movie.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, yeah, that movie.
 '''Chris:''' It's a classic. It's my favorite movie of all time.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that movie was, like, based in the 1900s.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still I- still I agreed with that message there-
 '''Clyde:''' Taken out of context, that makes it seem like CWCville's set in the 1960s ''[sic].''
 '''Jack:''' What message? That children should be given cough medicine so they'll go to sleep?
 '''Chris:''' ''What?''
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that's what women used to do back in- That's what mothers, friggin' nurses and stuff used to do to kids in the 1900s, is give children, like, you know, cough medicine.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[laughter]''
 '''Chris:''' Cause- cause the medicine- uh, correction, the medicine did not put them to sleep, there was a lullaby, not the cough medicine. They only had to take the cough medicine-
 '''Jack:''' No cough medicine-
 '''Chris:''' ...because it rained, before dere, and it was not, and it was to, uh-
 '''Jack:''' Rain means cough medicine doesn't have anything to do with each other. That's not how friggin' germs are spread, or colds are gotten. Colds are gotten through germs, not the rain.
 '''Troll:''' How is cough medicine any different from today's parents that just let their kids watch TV until they fall asleep? I mean, it's just as bad.
 '''Jack:''' Well- Cough medicine has a lot to do with the psychological effects of it. Obviously if you get- if you keep giving fre-
 '''Troll:''' Thanks, Samantha, that was delicious.
 '''Jack:''' What?
 '''Troll:''' It's my, uh, Samantha-
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, that's we're all saying, cause I've heard that there's a lot of different chemicals in cough medicine. You could cook up a ''(unintelligible)''
 '''Jack:''' I don't even take cough medicine, because I'm not a pussy.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, so.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, I never put any references, I never did any references or plan any references to cough medicine or anything of that sort.
 '''Troll:''' Well, Chris, Cassie says the last e-mail she got from you was on the 17th. How 'bout your being gay? Is that true?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' That wa- That was somebody had- That was Clyde hacking through my e-mail and spammed that to my contacts.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, I definitely did not do that-
 '''Jack:''' You're a scoundrel-
 '''Chris:''' -a slanderous lie.
 '''Clyde:''' I did not do that.
 '''Troll:''' Whoa-whoa-whoa. Wow. Well, thanks for that. She was worried that you were- that you don't like her.
 '''Jack:''' You're a scoundrel, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't do that. That was someone else.
 '''Polly:''' I was wondering, because I've heard other ''(unintelligible)'' too, I was really hoping that you weren't gay.
 '''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm straight.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I'll take your word for it.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. And, uh-
 '''Clyde:''' Cogs- Cogs got a way- she showed us that, okay? I mean, you only ''(unintelligible)''
 '''Chris:''' Polly, Polly-

===Chris's fail-riffic Spanish===

 '''Troll:''' So, Chris.
''(at this point about four or five people are talking at once)''
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, Screwhead's from Mexico. I heard you like Spanish, so.
 '''Troll:''' Hola, Chris.
 '''Troll:''' You know Spanish, right?
 '''Chris:''' Si. ''(unintelligible broken Spanish)'' a Mexico. ''(unintelligible)'' dos años ''(unintelligible)''.
 '''Troll:''' Has estal`on Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, lo siento?
 '''Troll:''' Has estal`on Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Estoy Mexico? No.
 '''Troll:''' ''[slowly]'' Has estalo, ama in Mexico. Has venir?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, no, I hav- no, no tengo pansars. ''[sic]''
 '''Troll:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think, uh, I think I meant to say- I'm pretty sure-
 '''Jack:''' Did you just say you don't wear pants?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, I was trying to say, ah, I don't have plans to go in Mexico at the moment.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Chris:''' That's what I understood what he was saying there.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, did you know that, that 4-cent garbage website is located in Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Jack:''' That's why-
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, that's why they can't get shut down.
 '''Chris:''' Mm.
 '''Troll:''' ''(unintelligible)'' borders, plus it's cheaper to run sites over there, they have, like, several servers.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. Cassie wanted to talk to you, but she couldn't make it here, and well, she wants to be your Spanish teacher, because she says that you've got to improve your Spanish.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, that Cassie. Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought you were- I got mixed up. Um... Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I, uh, I haven't talked to that- I haven't talked to Cassie in a while, but I've been mostly talking to, uh, her gal- her, uh, gal-pal and I'm sure- I'm sure she'd tell you a lot about her...

===In which unhealthful habits are discussed===

 '''Troll:''' Hey Chris, how- how does Sonichu keep Rosechu from spending more than a hundred dollars at the mall? I've always wondered how he could manage to do that. I've always had problems with that myself.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' That wa- That time at the mall, it was, uh, Kel loaned the credit card. And it's like, yeah- she gave- she gave Sonichu the responsibility of that credit card. She did.
 '''Troll:''' ''(unintelligible)''
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I've always given my advice on cannabis, you should do the ''(unintelligible)'', Chris, but I think she wants your response.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, one of my friends sent me this picture, and I think you might find it kinda disturbing just because they say it's proof that you're gay.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, I saw that, that's just a crappy Photoshop.
 '''Jack:''' No, that one doesn't- this one doesn't look Photoshopped at all.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not gonna look at it.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you're not? Oh.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, uh, you say you're against smoking?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. As a matter of fact, CWCville is a smoke-free, non-alcoholic city.
 '''Jack:''' ''(partially drowned out)'' That's what we call a totalitarian state...
 '''Troll:''' Oh, and, uh, in the pilot episode with Seth McFarlane, of, you know, Family Guy? He's always smoking. What do you think about that?
 '''Clyde:''' Go smoke.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I just- I just take that with a grain of salt, and, uh, you know, that's what--
 '''Troll:''' I mean, if he can smoke, why can't anyone else? I mean, it's-
 '''Chris:''' Because it causes cancer!
 '''Jack:''' So does a lot of things.
 '''Polly:''' It could be a prop pipe.
 '''Chris:''' In any case, I'm not- in any, in any case I've never done it and I never will.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, but eating too much fast food can give you a heart attack. I mean... so many things are deadly for you. 
 '''Jack:''' What about fast food, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' My father used to smoke and he went through a whole bunch of heart attacks. He suffered thr (is cut off)
 '''Jack:''' Well, I think that might have to do more with his weight.
 '''Chris:''' He suffered through three or four triple bypasses.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, I think that's.. that's more like a weight issue.
 '''Chris:''' He has a pacemaker!
 '''Troll:''' Chris, eh...
 '''Clyde:''' Hey ya guys, leave him alone. Ya know my granddad smoked most of his life. He quit for 25 years and still died of lung cancer. I mean that's just the way it is. And your body never gets rid of it.
 '''Jack:''' Well yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, what about (pause) Chris, what about fast food? That's- that's bad for you.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey Chris. Chris, could you do me a favor and send an email to Cassie? She's very worried about you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Yeah sure, I'll send her an email later.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, thanks.
 '''Jack:''' Well, uh. A certain someone you know...
 '''Chris:''' No no.
 '''Jack:''' She has to, uh she wants to... 
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Also, she said something about some hair
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Yeah, that's uh... that's another issue right there. Um, hmmm. I'll talk to her about that.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, um does drinking cause cancer?
 '''Chris:''' No, but it causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, bar fights, but (Cut off by Chris)
 '''Chris:''' Bar fights!
 '''Jack:''' But I don't think that bar fights are that big of a problem.
 '''Troll:''' I think bar fights are awesome.
(everyone agrees bar fights are awesome)
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' But bar fights are bad. I went into a bar fight once and one of my hands got cut and two fingers from my left hand. Bar fights suck.
 '''Polly:''' *Unintelligible*
 '''Jack:''' Well, I think that might be more because you're Mexican. Are you sure you didn't lose them picking bo- picking grapes and- or something?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' No, Mexican people are more more- more much macho man; we get into bigger fights. We're more awesome.

===Transcription ends at 25:43===

{{transcription}}

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 1|Mumble Chat 1]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]|}}

==Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?mtnztmniomk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Inventions

2010-02-09T01:08:44Z

Draygoon: Chris isn't Bob's only son

[[Image:Tesla.jpg|thumb|Another famous inventor who had a mental disorder and died a virgin. Here the similarities end.]]

{{quote|"Necessity is the mother of invention", and I have invented quite a few crafts that have served me well.|Chris's reply to "Leonardo da Vinci", [[CWCipedia]] [[Mailbag]].}}

As the readers of this wiki may already know, [[Christian Weston Chandler]] is truly a Renaissance man. He draws [[Sonichu|comics]], makes [[Youtube|videos]], performs [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|songs]], models [[Honor Roll|sculptures out of clay]], provides voices for the [[Official Videobooks]], etc. etc. But, being the [[David_Alan_Chandler|second]] son of the outstanding inventor [[Bob Chandler]], the man who designed controls for plastic water container molding machines (without which Chris would have no [[Fapcup|cup]] to [[Recycling|drink]] his [[Semen|navy]] from), our hero just couldn't suppress his natural talent to invention. And thus, Christian Weston Chandler added being an inventor extraordinaire to his long list of [[Fail|"accomPLISHments"]].

==Better than Leonardo da Vinci==
In [[November 2009]], Chris received an e-mail from a [[Troll|fan]] roleplaying as Leonardo da Vinci, one of the great artists with whom Chris has compared himself [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|in the past]] ([[Fail|managing to forget the great Italian's name and misspell his surname]]). Leo ironically stated that he considers Chris his [[Chris and art|"artistic equal"]], and asked if the [[Autism|autistic]] [[Chris and English|geinus]] has a similar knack to making inventions, for which Leonardo himself was famous. Being the egotistical and vain person he is, and not wanting even Leonardo da Vinci to excel him in any field, Chris was quick to assure Mr.Da Vinci in his [[Mailbag]] reply that he is, indeed, an inventor as well, and proceeded to list three of the most outstanding of his inventions.

===The Three Great Inventions of Christian Weston Chandler===
'''I.''' The "One set of Inventions" including:
*[[Sonichu]];
*[[Rosechu]];
*City of [[CWCville]]. (Not really inventions so much as they are fictional concepts, and [[Chris and Copyright|incredibly derivative ones]], at that.)

'''II.''' A "heavy-duty case", "built from [[Lego]]s and held together with tape", whose main purpose is "to hold [his] 20+ [[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|Pok'emon]] (sic) Trading Card Game Decks with an area designed for damage counters, die and such".

'''III.''' The [[Dating Education|Dating Education Class]]. (Which don't exist, so he didn't really invent them. And even then, a terrible idea.)

==Other Inventions==
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Bob Chandler]]
*[[Chris and Copyright]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Hobbies]]

User:Draygoon

2010-01-21T18:38:53Z

Draygoon:

Just another longtime observer and first-time contributor.
{{Americunt}}

User:Draygoon

2010-01-21T18:37:46Z

Draygoon: Created page with 'Just another longtime observer and first-time contributor.'

Just another longtime observer and first-time contributor.

Talk:Heterochromia

2010-01-21T17:52:39Z

Draygoon: /* A Thought */ new section

Are there any particular close up images showing both of Chris's eyes?

Thing thats always gotten me, why would it turn one green? If it was a case of pinkeye, which is a bloodshot eye, if anything it would turn the eye brown.--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 22:25, 15 March 2009 (CET)
*I recall on the old PVCC someone who's mom was a nurse who said it's impossible to suffer that from eye changing as a result of pinkeye. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:43, 15 March 2009 (CET)
::Hmmm...it is noticeable in Blachu medallion photo, but difficult to detect elsewhere. [[User:Blusko|Blusko]] 08:11, 16 March 2009 (CET)
[[Image:Blachu Medallion.JPG|right|thumb|100px|mutant eyes]]

The "farts on pillow" thing is from some dumb movie, I think one of the American Pie sequels and not a purely Chris induced stupidity. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:28, 23 May 2009 (CEST)

*Ah okay, thanks. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:16, 24 May 2009 (CEST)

==Stub==
This article seems pretty complete and concise. Not the longest, but it has most relevant information and there is little that can be added. I removed the stub template. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 13:05, 25 October 2009 (CET)

== A Thought ==

"Chris often mistakenly colors his right eye blue and his left eye green in his comics." Perhaps a symptom of studying himself in the mirror to memorize his appearance? --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 17:52, 21 January 2010 (UTC)