CWCki - User contributions [en]

User talk:Alan Pardew

2014-05-25T21:31:42Z

Duncans Construction: /* IP */

Good work on the A-Log page. Keep it up. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 10:00, 11 September 2012 (PDT)

Thanks. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 03:41, 16 September 2012 (PDT)

== "Quote of the Now" ==

You don't know who I am, but I know where you browse, and if you edit that wiki template again, so help me--HOLY SHIT I GOTTA GO! SOME SQUIRREL'S FUCKING MY TOMATOES! [[User:Mr. 0|Mr. 0]] 12:53, 25 January 2013 (PST)

== For Pete's sake ==

You have potential to be a very good wiki user, maybe even a mod or an admin, but for Pete's sake, wikify the Quote of the Now, add links to other pages. I cry at night when the QotN doesn't have wiki links.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:02, 9 September 2013 (PDT)
*Not to totally discourage you, I admire your dedication and your effort as to be honest, I'm not always up to the task of editing stuff on here. But you could use some work, look at it as an area of opportunity.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:16, 9 September 2013 (PDT)
**Thanks, I'll remember that. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 00:02, 10 September 2013 (PDT)

== For Julie's Eyes Only ==

[[For Julie's Eyes Only]] video links don't work. Can someone reupload it? We, TRUE and HONEST Chris's fans, want JULAAAAY back! [[User:Gunter|Gunter]] 08:40, 2 January 2014 (PST)

: So far, there isn't a reupload yet, but I'll try my best to find a full video of it. Found an audio one though. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 09:38, 2 January 2014 (PST)

:: Disregard that, it's removed. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 09:40, 2 January 2014 (PST)
::: I can't find it, the video is baleeted both from SlutLoad and Efukt. Curiously enough, it's hard to find it although it is one of the greatest moments of Chris's Internet Сareer. [[User:Gunter|Gunter]] 09:53, 2 January 2014 (PST)

== IP ==

What are the odds that the guy who single-handedly wrote the William Elliot Waterman is the man himself? --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 19:59, 3 January 2014 (PST)

: Don't know. Wait and see. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 00:06, 4 January 2014 (PST)
:: ...or you could have done an IP check as the user suggested and see that my IP is not anywhere close to being in Maine. Also, I doubt Waterman would use a reference to a soundboard prank call victim as his username. [[User:Duncans Construction|Duncans Construction]] ([[User talk:Duncans Construction|talk]]) 21:28, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

== Captcha ==

Can I please be exempt from captcha when creating new pages? I think it's been established by now that I'm not a bot or a spammer. - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] ([[User talk:NegaCWC|talk]]) 13:23, 25 February 2014 (UTC)

* I think only admins/jerkops can be exempt, but let me see what I can do. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 13:45, 25 February 2014 (UTC)

==Welcome template==
You know that the welcome templates is an actual template, right? It's [[Template:Welcome|here]]. Why reinvent the wheel? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] ([[User talk:Champthom|talk]]) 07:06, 20 March 2014 (UTC)

== Are There Any Pages To Edit? ==

Is there any pages that I can work on? --[[User:ClashingMax|ClashingMax]] ([[User talk:ClashingMax|talk]]) 21:58, 4 May 2014 (UTC)

* Try updating the [[October 2013 Facebook Posts]] article. It's currently the page that needs improvement for now. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 09:57, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

* The [[Rental House]] article need some work now. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 10:20, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

User talk:Alan Pardew

2014-05-25T21:28:52Z

Duncans Construction: /* IP */

Good work on the A-Log page. Keep it up. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 10:00, 11 September 2012 (PDT)

Thanks. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 03:41, 16 September 2012 (PDT)

== "Quote of the Now" ==

You don't know who I am, but I know where you browse, and if you edit that wiki template again, so help me--HOLY SHIT I GOTTA GO! SOME SQUIRREL'S FUCKING MY TOMATOES! [[User:Mr. 0|Mr. 0]] 12:53, 25 January 2013 (PST)

== For Pete's sake ==

You have potential to be a very good wiki user, maybe even a mod or an admin, but for Pete's sake, wikify the Quote of the Now, add links to other pages. I cry at night when the QotN doesn't have wiki links.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:02, 9 September 2013 (PDT)
*Not to totally discourage you, I admire your dedication and your effort as to be honest, I'm not always up to the task of editing stuff on here. But you could use some work, look at it as an area of opportunity.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:16, 9 September 2013 (PDT)
**Thanks, I'll remember that. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 00:02, 10 September 2013 (PDT)

== For Julie's Eyes Only ==

[[For Julie's Eyes Only]] video links don't work. Can someone reupload it? We, TRUE and HONEST Chris's fans, want JULAAAAY back! [[User:Gunter|Gunter]] 08:40, 2 January 2014 (PST)

: So far, there isn't a reupload yet, but I'll try my best to find a full video of it. Found an audio one though. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 09:38, 2 January 2014 (PST)

:: Disregard that, it's removed. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 09:40, 2 January 2014 (PST)
::: I can't find it, the video is baleeted both from SlutLoad and Efukt. Curiously enough, it's hard to find it although it is one of the greatest moments of Chris's Internet Сareer. [[User:Gunter|Gunter]] 09:53, 2 January 2014 (PST)

== IP ==

What are the odds that the guy who single-handedly wrote the William Elliot Waterman is the man himself? --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 19:59, 3 January 2014 (PST)

: Don't know. Wait and see. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 00:06, 4 January 2014 (PST)
:: ...or you could have done an IP check as the user suggested and see that my IP is not anywhere close to being in Maine. [[User:Duncans Construction|Duncans Construction]] ([[User talk:Duncans Construction|talk]]) 21:28, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

== Captcha ==

Can I please be exempt from captcha when creating new pages? I think it's been established by now that I'm not a bot or a spammer. - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] ([[User talk:NegaCWC|talk]]) 13:23, 25 February 2014 (UTC)

* I think only admins/jerkops can be exempt, but let me see what I can do. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 13:45, 25 February 2014 (UTC)

==Welcome template==
You know that the welcome templates is an actual template, right? It's [[Template:Welcome|here]]. Why reinvent the wheel? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] ([[User talk:Champthom|talk]]) 07:06, 20 March 2014 (UTC)

== Are There Any Pages To Edit? ==

Is there any pages that I can work on? --[[User:ClashingMax|ClashingMax]] ([[User talk:ClashingMax|talk]]) 21:58, 4 May 2014 (UTC)

* Try updating the [[October 2013 Facebook Posts]] article. It's currently the page that needs improvement for now. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 09:57, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

* The [[Rental House]] article need some work now. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 10:20, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

Talk:William Elliott Waterman

2014-05-25T21:25:16Z

Duncans Construction:

He's not even a troll but a white knight, then why is the article up for deletion?

Also he actin' like an internet tough guy in "Calling out trolls"...it means he probably doesn't give a fuck about this article. Or he does? Whatevar, please, don't baleet it. --[[User:Gunter|Gunter]] ([[User talk:Gunter|talk]]) 17:53, 12 May 2014 (UTC)

* I've had requests that the article was shitty and debatedly that the page was made by William himself, so I'm gonna leave it there and see whether should I remove the page or remove the deletion template in the future. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 04:56, 13 May 2014 (UTC)
** By the word shitty do you mean "poorly written"? If so that's hardly an argument for deleting an article. I don't think that the current version of our article on Bob is poorly written, but if it were nobody would argue based on it that the article should be deleted. We should delete articles based on whether or not their subject is notable enough. I definitely think that Waterman is notable enough to warrant a mention on the CWCki considering his friendship with Chris, but I'm not sure if he is worthy of having his own article. I've had an idea for a new article, ''List of Minor Figures in Chris's life''. The article will contain info about people who are relevant to Chris's life in some kind of way (acquaintances and so on) who aren't notable enough to have their own articles. I think that's a place in which Waterman can fit. - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] ([[User talk:NegaCWC|talk]]) 16:13, 14 May 2014 (UTC)
**I leave for a while and people accuse me of being William Elliott Waterman. I think that's hilarious. Delete the article if you want and really feel he's unworthy. I wrote it at a time when it looked like William would be a more important figure. But it's idiotic to accuse me of things you can't possibly prove as a rationale. [[User:Duncans Construction|Duncans Construction]] ([[User talk:Duncans Construction|talk]]) 21:25, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

January 2014

2014-01-04T19:53:06Z

Duncans Construction: /* Events of January 2014 */ Chris is Protestants. Protestants don't call church service "mass," only Catholics do.

During 2012, Chris was so inactive on the internet that it was decided that the timeline would no longer be divided into months. However, the second part of 2013 showed that it will be divided again.

==Events of January 2014==
* January 3 - Chris reviews [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|his church]] on [[Facebook]]. He gives the church five stars and says that "the church is full of kind people who have a sense of care for others, UNLIKE the rest of Charlottesville, VA and Ruckersville, VA, who are snobbish, unfriendly and uncaring." This may suggest that Chris has begun regularly attending church again.

<references/>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

Template:Da update

2014-01-04T19:51:38Z

Duncans Construction: Chris is Protestant. Protestants don't call church "mass," only Catholics do.

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*3 [[January 2014|January]] [[2014]] - Chris reviews [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|his church]] on [[Facebook]]. He gives the church five stars and says that "the church is full of kind people who have a sense of care for others, UNLIKE the rest of Charlottesville, VA and Ruckersville, VA, who are snobbish, unfriendly and uncaring." This may suggest that Chris has begun regularly attending church again.
*31 [[December 2013]] - Chris posts ''"Here's to another year in this dead-end life with the worst broken heart ever"'', comparing himself to [[Futurama|1999-Fry]] on [[December_2013_Facebook_posts#Worst_Broken_Heart_Ever|Facebook]].
*30 December 2013 - Chris calls himself a "constant, zombie-like, blank" on [[December_2013_Facebook_posts#Chris_is_lost|Facebook]].
*23 December 2013 - Chris posts about controversial [[Twitter]] user Justine Sacco's [[dreams|sticky dream]] about an [[autism|autistic]] kid.
* 22 December 2013 - A user on [[4-cent garbage.com|/v/]] may have discovered Chris's Miiverse account, meaning that he bought a Wii U.
*21 December 2013 - Chris posts on Facebook looking for [[Pokémon]] Safari friends.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

William Elliott Waterman

2014-01-04T07:00:37Z

Duncans Construction:

[[image:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|thumb|William Elliott Waterman]]
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (sometimes called '''"Billy"''' by family and friends)<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> is a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. William frequently comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, and can be considered a [[white knight]]. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions. Often his posts consist of a smiley or a simple message. Chris and William apparently met online, as William's 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post indicates that they never met in person, and that Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William. He is also friends with [[Anna McLerran]] and her family.

It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref> A post from 3 August indicates that William had only recently talked to Anna for the first time, and that she told William about how far back she and Christian go.<ref>http://i.imgur.com/Vzyfg48.png</ref>

Recent correspondence has suggested Chris may have alienated William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]; one of William's friends, Ryan Steinbruner, promptly accused Chris of [[troll|trolling]] and stated that William has looked like this since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> As of December [[2013]], William continues to comment on Chris's Facebook.

==Facebook comments==
William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and off topic. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pals]] weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted cards of [[Pokemon]] Cubone and Yamask, along with a rant about having no local friends. William's reply was a simple comment of, "I love cubone [''sic''] and yamask [''sic'']".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempts to give advice to Chris, which is promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied," Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref>

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook ranting about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2014-01-01T15:51:40Z

Duncans Construction: /* External links */

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Adipem goddammit'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]] ([[Solid Chris]]) mostly consists of him trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Chris loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]], Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Chris of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Chris whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Chris to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' [[Kim]] and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ...Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am. You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! You're 27, why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barb called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barb and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' No, Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barb that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 '''Liquid:''' Alright.
 [''tape runs out'']

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/?08ro202hlz9pzlk the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o5LnjUqby4 the call on YouTube]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Father Call

2014-01-01T15:47:47Z

Duncans Construction: /* External links */

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

On the fourth of [[November 2009|November, 2009]], [[Christian Weston Chandler|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''[[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]]''' (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is apparently a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], inability to grow up, [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[Obesity|being overweight]], and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''Portal'' is occasionally heard in the background.
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious sounding claims about his weight-lifting prowess. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to her father, Matthew.
* Matthew is fairly civil toward Chris to begin with, though it's immediately obvious that Matthew doesn't have much respect for him. Matthew begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a Pokemon Gym Leader seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding [[monthly tugboat]]. Matthew asks if any hypothetical children of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic (or "'tard babies" to use Matthew's phrasing), and while Chris denies that they would be, Matthew checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris [[lie]]s during the call, and while Matthew goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous when Chris does it again.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named Crystal. Not only does Matthew consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and thinks it's more appropriate for a stripper.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, Chris is questioned on why [[Liquid Chris]] (who Matthew will sing the praises of many times during the call) was impersonating him. Solid Chris's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with [[Sonichu]]. Matthew is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on Sonichu, before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matthew brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers|Chris's little 9/11 video]], and says that he found it especially offensive, since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center that day. Chris's only response is to say the video was really [[Clyde Cash]]'s fault, because he was being mean to Chris.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matthew tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, including having to pull up weeds, mow the lawn, move furniture, and bury his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matthew is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother.
* Chris doesn't let the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working discourage him, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matthew, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he won't come to D.C. to meet Kacey.
* Matthew accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of [[Chris's room]] (as seen in [[Tour of Chris's House|the tour]] of [[14 Branchland Court]]) as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, causing Matthew to sarcastically comment on his lack of maturity, only for Chris to miss the sarcasm and think Matthew is actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, Chris tries to compare the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matthew spent carrying his dead colleague back to base. Matthew is ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matthew to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''... and then starts describing the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a vaguely correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story.
* Matthew says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat, and Chris ''completely'' misses the point and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his monthly tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matthew points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matthew off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be eighty-four per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by this, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matthew points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots don't make videos mocking 9/11.
* Matthew decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11. Matthew tells Chris that he must be [[naive]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of the word "naive" and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his Elementary School principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matthew brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriately "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" to be a cast-iron rule, rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly attempts to end the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit; Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Transcript==
===Matthew makes the scene===

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, fifty-pound weights...not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s- good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good, good... So, uh... So, I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an- with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see... You got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w- yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for, like, uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]... I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off, I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at...''Target''... I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean...surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27...sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm...yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know... but I mean, if I- if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh... I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for three years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had- I did- I have done volunteer work... Uh...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the- I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens' Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading [[Card games|Card Game]] league a few years back...

'''Matthew:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Matthew:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And- um- that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. So about ten years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for ten years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah, but also, like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting... but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? And, I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have- I have been- I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that, I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right... Well, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pok-e-man'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for a while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though... I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my- of the house.

'''Matthew:''' ...With her help?

'''Chris:''' ...And get a place of my own...

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know...um... Some details I'm not understand... I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Matthew:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know...I keep between myself...

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, if you can't s-s- If you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the 'Tard-baby===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh...

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um...

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar... I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go... What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see... If you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' ''[extremely uncomfortable laughter]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Matthew:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Matthew:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Matthew:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and [[chores]]===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Matthew:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I... [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

'''Matthew:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...

===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Matthew:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah... Let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like...a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly...as a friend...a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... Points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I...am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic... If you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't...do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...[[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''Cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[stress|STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Matthew:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*[[Niggo|Niggo-rigged]] audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 17

2013-12-31T06:10:38Z

Duncans Construction: /* Transcript */

[[Image:Miltank.gif|What Chris thinks Kacey would look like as a [[Pokemon]].|thumb]]

In this short call, [[Chris]] and [[Kacey]] talk about which [[Pokemon]] Kacey would be. She's offended because Chris called her a Miltank in conversations with Kim. Chris also talks about a [[troll]] trying to copyright [[Sonichu]] - apparently Chris sent a handwritten letter to the Library of Congress asking for an FBI investigation to find out who is the original creator of the electric abomination. After just 8 minutes, Chris leaves because of a headache and having to use the bathroom.

==Transcript==
<Center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 17
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|6wVU6NoDDv8}}
| Stardate = ???
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 16]]
| next = [[Kacey Call 18]]
}} </Center>
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I could be a little better right now. You see...
 '''Chris:''' Aww, long day?
 '''Kacey:''' The- well... not only that, but I got an E-mail from [[Kim]], and... she told me that you guys were talking about [[Pokemon]], which is... cool and you know, we were girl-talking and all 'cause we've been playing together... uhm... but anyway...
 '''Chris:''' Uh... yeah... uh... yeah... I mea- I was a- I was on a... spur of the moment thing at the time and I thought about it further. I thought you'd be more as a Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' A what?
 '''Chris:''' A Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' A Delibird?
 '''Chris:''' A Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay... well, thing is... uhm... even before I get into that... why did you call me a Miltank?
 '''Chris:''' I thought Milt- I thought Miltanks were cute. I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' It's a- it's a- Chris, it's a COW! You called me a COW! Do you- do you not know how offensive that is to women?!
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean... you might as well just call me fat or something.
 '''Chris:''' No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Besides, it- bes- its somebody just fooling around, you know... it-it was just loose talk, and I'm sorry...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, Chris... if somebody asked me what I would call somebody, I'd - if it's a girl - I'd make sure that I didn't include things that are like - ''cows''.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... yeah... OK. I'm sorry. Anyway, yeah, I- yeah, I apologize- I just sent an E-mail to Kim telling her...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what... what if I called you, like, a [[Snorlax]] or something? I mean, how would you feel? I mean, couldn't you at least... a Skitty or something?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Skitty didn't come to mind. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [sigh]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... [short pause] anyway, yeah... Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' [sigh] OK... I... that's the one that gives out, like... presents... right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean, you're always full... you're always full of [[DIRTY_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|pleasant surprises]].
 '''Kacey:''' Oh...OK.
 '''Chris:''' And you are cute.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, at lea- at least it's a penguin. I do like penguins.
 '''Chris:''' OK. I never thought of- I never imagined Delibird being a penguin, but yeah, I see that now.
 '''Kacey:''' He- he is a penguin. The Pokedex says so.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I guess I didn't read that part.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmm.
 '''Chris:''' OK. Well, anyway... uh... yeah aside from that... hmm... I'm not sure I'm in the mood to talk now... I got a bit of a headache right now. And... uh... yeah, I was gonna go hit the restroom, but then- then you called me.
 '''Kacey:''' Well... are you gonna take, like, an aspirin or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm gonna take- I'm gonna take a... I'm gonna take a non-aspirin. We- i- it works a little better than regular aspirin, you know. My parents agree with that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, it's probably best for you to... like, you shouldn't always take aspirin.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So... what happened with you today?
 '''Chris:''' Ah... what happened with me today... uh... yeah, I don't know if Kim told you that I was E-mailed last night, but, you know, it was like this [[troll]]... uh... just claiming to have... already sent, like, sent in this claim for... register the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] of [[Sonichu]] under his name.. which s- which should not be doable anyway... uh... but anyway, eve- even copied and pasted details, like, if he was actually doing it from my [???] site.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean... would you be able to prove against it? Because, if you don't have definite proof, and, I mean, just having some drawings isn't gonna do it, I mean, you'd be screwed.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-I-I-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you did finalize the copyright a long time ago. They're gonna wonder why you waited so long, and... I mean, you're just gonna be out of luck.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ok, you see- Ok. One thing is... Yeah, I did- I did regist- I did put my claim for the copyright... apparently last sep- apparently last September. And I found- I found the case number for that... I still have the account on there... on the Library of Congress website. And, uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, documents are easy to forge, I mean, the same effort you took drawing in the first place, they can use it to get the coypright. I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway- uh... I think I told you before that, like, you know, I was under a misunderstanding about what I sent through the snail mail... so... that's why... and then, uh... I should've gotten... I should request those papers about that time... uh...
 '''Kacey:''' What about snail mail, you sent something? Or you received something?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... well look, I filled out the application online, and so- should send something via snail mail, but I was not made clear on what to send in via snail mail... and I shou- I should have requested those papers back then...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, did you ever receive a certificate, or did you send it certified mail, I mean, stuff like that you have to send certified mail. If you didn't get a certificate back, then you're kinda out of luck.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, i didn't- I didn't get a certificate.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then... you can't prove it's yours.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes I can... yes I can but anyway- anyway... anyway...
 '''Kacey:''' Can't legally.
 '''Chris:''' EARLIER TODAY... earlier today... I... I wrote a handwritten letter... to the Library of Congress about like, you know... yeah... this guy should not have the rights... to have the copyright on... stop him and... I have proved that I am the original creator... I even found... hand-drawings from as early as [[2000]]-[[2001]]... I mean... I even encouraged them to do [[Jerkops|FBI]] investigations between him and me... I would even welcome them to come to my home address to investigate that. I think they would find more stuff here at my house than they would over there! And I... anyway... I sent those hand-drawings...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean... that- that doesn't mean anything to them. I mean, you could be doing that to the actual copyright holder, I mean, they're not gonna waste money on an FBI investigation to do this, you know that, right? It's gonna come down to who has the better lawyer.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Anyway, plus- plus I'm also, uh...[???] with a copyright lawyer here in Charlottesville... uh... 'scuse me... and my father and I going down tomorrow for a consultation... talk about the situation.
 '''Kacey:''' Do you have the money to hire him?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] At this point it's just a consultation...
 '''Kacey:''' They can charge you for those. You know that, right?
 '''Chris:''' Uh- but- I checked with him and I ask- I asked him all and he said that the consultation is free.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, but... that's where they... get you hooked in, I mean... just watch out for that, because consultations, even free ones, can turn into... not-free ones.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. All right. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, it's just how the system works. Som- You know, people do it all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ok. Mmm. Ok, well listen, listen I gotta go get my non-aspirin and use the bathroom, so... I'll talk to you tomorrow, OK?
 '''Kacey:''' OK.
 '''Chris:''' Aight, you take care. Get some rest yourself.
 '''Kacey:''' OK, all right. Bye.
 '''Chris:''' Bye-bye.
[call ends]

==External links==
*<s>mp3 of phonecall</s> File not found and video removed from YouTube. Please re-upload and re-link ASAP.

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 16]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 18]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 19

2013-12-31T06:09:22Z

Duncans Construction: /* Transcript */

File Name: kc91809.mp3

Brief overview:
*[[Chris]] went to a heart doctor, the doctor said his heart problem can be solved by not stressing so much.
*Chris weighed 216 last time he went to a doctor, now he weighs 205.
*Chris bragged he jogged for three minutes, and this was a new record. [[Kacey]] gets mad and says that he previously claimed he jogged for 45 minutes. Chris says she misheard and he said he walked for 45 minutes.
*Chris registered [[Sonichu 0]] at the Library of Congress.
*Chris is working more on his [[Audiobooks]].
*[[Kim]] tells Chris that [[CWCipedia]] is back online, so Chris talks about thinking about updating it. He stress sighs.
*Talking about his interview at [[Target]], him and Kim did a mock interview showing Chris how to lie about being fired from [[Wendy's]].
*Kacey tells Chris to not talk about [[Sonichu]], [[trolls]], or his [[medallion]]. He's interrupted by [[Barb]] coming into the room.
*Chris talks about what he saw on the news.
*Chris says that girls that get raped should have the right to get an abortion. They should also be able to have an abortion if the baby was a mistake. Kacey tells Chris that he's wrong and that abortion isn't birth control.
*Chris says his mind is blank, so they hang up.

==Transcript==

<Center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 19
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|S1r-4XkIStM}}
| Stardate = ???
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 18]]
| next = [[Kacey Call 20]]
}} </Center>
'''Chris''': Hello? 
'''Kacey''': Hey Chris, it's Kacey. What's up? 
'''Chris''': Hi Kacey. I'm okay, how are you? 
'''Kacey''': I'm good. 
'''Chris''': That's good. Hey I went-I went to uh my appointment with uh Dr. McGovern today ('''Kacey''': Uhhuh) and uh... Yeah turns out like you know. Yeah. Yeah about m-about my uh heart-my heart pains really you know. Uhm, anyways it's just basically all I need to do is just eh try not to stress out so much, and uh just... and uh continue taking on paroxitine I should be okay. 
'''Kacey''': MmmHmm. 
'''Chris''': Uh other than that uh... Guess what? Apparently uh last time when they weighed me I weighed 216. [pause] 216 pounds. 
'''Kacey''': Uh huh. 
'''Chris''': And uh they weighed me today, guess how much I was? Or how much I am? 
'''Kacey''': Uh... 
'''Chris''': [interrupting] 20-205. 
'''Kacey''': Oh nice. 
'''Chris''': I lost 11 pounds! 
'''Kacey''': Oh that's cool. I-I thought you said last time you weighed, you were like 220 something, I mean maybe I ('''Chris''': Uh) heard you wrong. 
'''Chris''': Yeah-or maybe I misremembered. 
'''Kacey''': Maybe. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. Anyway I lost 11 pounds. [mumbles incoherently] Here's a funny part-here's a funny bit, I told my father 'Hey pop, I last-I lost 11 pounds!' and he said 'Okay. Well did you ever find it again?' 
'''Kacey''': [Laughs] 
'''Chris''': [pause] Yeah. I got that, I was like "Ha!". Yep. 
'''Kacey''': Yeah, pretty funny. 
'''Chris''': Yeah anyway uh, got back home, did my-I did my walking and jogging and uh... then my father wanted to go out and run some errands so I went with him, then we came back and- 
'''Kacey''': [interrupting] How much did you Jog? 
'''Chris''': [pause] Oh I jogged about 3 minutes. 
'''Kacey''': 3 minutes? 
'''Chris''': [pause] Yeah. 
'''Kacey''': Why would you even bother? That's-That's, what? 3 minutes? [Long pause] I mean you're going to have to push yourself, 3 minutes is nothing, that's like... I don't know could you even jog for only 3 minutes? That's, I don't know. 
'''Chris''': [pause][frustrated] Oh give me a break! At least I'm working up to uh... longer than that. 
'''Kacey''': [upset] Well YOU were telling me the other day you did 45 minutes! So, how do you go from 45 minutes to 3 minutes and then say that you are working to go above that? I mean did you lie to me? 
'''Chris''': Oh no wait you might've mis... understood. I said that... uh... it [unintelligible]- it takes like 45 minutes to a hour, for me to uh... walk a power walk... arou- Around the uh, neighborhood. 
'''Kacey''': Y-You told me that's how long you took: 45 minutes. 
'''Chris''': [pause] Yeah to walk a power walk around neighborhood. Jogging would probably be... to be-Jogging around a whole...creation... like would be uh, [pause] probably take- 
'''Kacey''': [interrupting] Chris, you told ('''Chris''': b-b-but) me 45 minutes. 
'''Chris''': [pause] No, no. I did not say that. 
'''Kacey''': Y-Yes, yes you did. [Very long pause] ('''Chris''': Yeah-) I mean I-I have pretty good audio memory, so... 
'''Chris''': Hmm. [pause] Or... Maybe I-or maybe I mis... spoke I don't know. 
'''Kacey''': Maybe. 
'''Chris''': Well anyway... anyway I did that, and then my power walk to go uh... run some errands downtown, so I went with him and then we came back a long time later. And then I went on- then went to- then I went to the Library of Congress. And uh, took-and uh just went ahead and registered Sonichu for myself uh, and send them the uh, fil-send them the uh image files for book number 0 plus also some new scans of the-of... the uh, rough drawings- rough drawings I did, you know on notebook paper during accounting-I did during accounting class. And uh, a couple others, also the orig- the most original uh, Sonich-Sonichu Pokemon card... which uh, originally when I created it we only had a black and white printers, so we printed black and w- so I printed it in black and white, and then I colored it in with uh marker and crayon. 
'''Kacey''': [pause] Okay. 
'''Chris''': And anyway I scanned that and also send in the... the uh, images for my CD cover. And uh, I she wasn't-Oh yeah I scanned my medallion...as well. 
'''Kacey''': Oh, okay well just remember to check on everything you know, see the status. You want to make sure that you uh, keep up on that. 
'''Chris''': [pause] Yeah well that's no problem. I mean I had the library of congress book ma-bookmarked on my... Firefox. [pause] 
'''Kacey''': Yep. 
'''Chris''': Mmm. Yeah, anyway I was-anyway after that... uh yeah, did the video books for uh book number...7, and...probably still uploading now like give me... a little while. 
'''Kacey''': Okay I'll be sure to check ('''Chris''': [unintelligible]) those out. 
'''Chris''': I just got-I just got a little life starting on that, but anyways also, Kim also, I talked to Kim, and uh... she told me that my... CWCipedia was back up, so... [unintelligible]-so then I went to update CWCipedia with the videos I had uploaded currently uh, before book number 7 ('''Kacey''': Uhhuh) and then book number-After the uh 7th book, video the uh, book 7 videos are uploaded, I'll update the CWCipedia with those as well. 
'''Kacey''': Okay. Well, uhm did you, ever add uh, those essays that you promised me that you would add from High school? 
'''Chris''': [pause, sigh] I have been-yeah I mean I uh yeah not yet-but I mean I haven't been able to because of CWCipedia was down for the uh, server updates. But I'll-I'll get thos-I'll get those, I promise you I will get those uh, essays... found, and on-and on to the uh, CWCipedia. 
'''Kacey''': Yeah, you should totally do that I mean while you have a chance. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. [pause] Hmm. 
'''Kacey''': I mean ('''Chris''': [unintelligible]) it's not like you have a lot more to do, you got that interview coming up, but that's about it. 
'''Chris''': Yeah I got that interview com-coming up. Yep. Hmm. 
'''Kacey''': Are-are you prepared for that? You know what you're going to say? And what you're not going to say? 
'''Chris''': Yeah I-yeah I feel-I feel pretty prepared. Uh, Kim and I did... did a mock interview the other night. And she gave me a little suggestion, like you know instead of saying "I got fired from Wendy's" "I got laid off for personal differences". 
'''Kacey''': Yeah, that's good! Just remember, stay as professional, and polite as you can. 
'''Chris''': Yeah that's no problem I mean I planning on wearing my uh, Blazer, and put on a nice uh, shirt and pants. 
'''Kacey''': Okay, and uh, just remember don't talk about Sonichu cause that's something totally different. 
'''Chris''': Yeah I'm not gonna-yeah I will not talk about that. 
'''Kacey''': And-and no medallion. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, no medallion. 
'''Kacey''': And uh, don't talk about trolls, they don't want to know, they don't need your life story, they just want to know whether you're going to work hard. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. That's no problem I-I plan-I... I intend to work hard. 
'''Kacey''': Well that's good, you need to let them know that. 
'''Chris''': Yeah I will let them know that as well. Oh, excuse me. [Barb walks into Chris's Room]. Hello! 
'''Barbara''': [inaudible throughout] 
'''Chris''': Hi mom, yeah sure I was just talking to Kacey. Okay. Hmm. So-so I'm sorry, what we're we talking about? 
'''Kacey''': Oh were talking about your job interview, and uhm, how you're gonna ace it. 
'''Chris''': Oh yeah, well that's no problem, I feel like I'm doing okay- I feel like I'm-I feel like do-I'm okay I mean uh... see most of the mock interview uh, Kim told me that I'd be okay. Uh, ('''Kacey''': That's good) uh and the only exception was the uh, you know, just having to correct me on- Instead of sayi- Instead of saying I got- instead of saying fired, just say laid off, due to personal differences. 
'''Kacey''': Yep. Euphemisms are always good. 
'''Chris''': [pause] Euphemisms... I never really understood what that word meant, I heard that word before. 
'''Kacey''': Mmm should probably just in a dictionary, it's an easy word. 
'''Chris''': Okay. [Silence] Yeah. Hmm. Okay so you had-Okay so how was you do today, very tough day, or did you have a easier one today? 
'''Kacey''': Well, I had, earlier school and I had a lab. Uhm, I was actually pretty easy, I just had a couple quizzes, and then I went home, and then I went to work, so I mean it was just normal. 
'''Chris''': Okay well that's good. Hmm. 
'''Kacey''': So how was your day? 
'''Chris''': [pause] Yeah well I told you about it already, but yeah it- 
'''Kacey''': [interrupting] So that's all you did? I mean there's nothing else? ('''Chris''': Hmm) Anything on your mind? 
'''Chris''': [pause] Yeah uhm... I mean we- Yeah I mean I did watch some news as well uh... learned about- Learned a bit more about, uh, Creigh- Creigh Deeds and uh, Bob McDonnell being the upcoming Governor. [Pause] Uh, apparently I misunderstood about uh, McDonnell a little bit, it was Creigh Deeds that wants us- is The one that wants to do the tax raising. 
'''Kacey''': How do you feel about that? 
'''Chris''': [pause] Uh yeah, I-I-I am against it, I-I am against it t-the ra- the raising of the taxes. So, yeah apparently McDonnell is uh, against abortion. Alright, so then he would take- And uh If he were elected governor he would probably take that part away from, like you know even if- if even from unexpected, rape or incest, everything like that, or even- Or even prohibited from... Married people. So it's like uh, uh I'm not sure, I might go tax over- I'm gonna go tax over abortion on that note. 
'''Kacey''': Ar-Ar-Are you- Are you- Do you agree with that, or do you disagree with that? 
'''Chris''': Yeah I disagree with the abortion thing. 
'''Kacey''': No, no, no, but do you agree with what he's doing like he wants to make sure that no one, even incest, or rape can get abortions, or do you think that they should? 
'''Chris''': Yeah I feel like they have the right to. [Pause] I mean, it happened unexpectedly. [long pause] You know? 
'''Kacey''': MmmHmm. 
'''Chris''': And... It... It would just uh, it would not... seem right I mean it's nic- It's nice to know that- It's nice for those women to know that they have the option, and it's better to have the option than not have it. [Silence] 
'''Kacey''': I guess, but I mean I-I-I think you know like most bans are on, uhm, the late trimester ones, which yeah I mean by then you whether you want to have a kid or not, so you shouldn't wait till that long. [Silence] I mean, but still that's surprising cause abortion's extremely against the Christian religion I mean, so I'm surprised you go for that. 
'''Chris''': [Long Pause] Well. [Long Pause] I mean a... [pause] Yeah I'm just- I'm just... [long pause] [sigh] look I don't know what to say, but still, you know, I feel it's wrong to take away that choice for the women. [Pause] I mean especially if they, if it was a [unintelligible], if it was like uh, from a case of rape or a mis- Or a mistake, er you know? Something like that? 
'''Kacey''': Well the thing is, is, uhm, okay I can understand rape and incest, but abortion isn't birth control. If you are having sex you should fully know that your- you could have a kid. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. But I mean it's- I mean it's not like the woman is gonna know that she's gonna be raped right before it happens- 
'''Kacey''': [interrupting] That's what I said, not including that. I'm not including that, Chris. 
'''Chris''': Okay. [Pause] Hmm. [Very Long pause]. Hmm, okay well my mind's blank abou- My mind's blank right now. [Pause] 
'''Kacey''': Mmmkay you should probably get that checked out, remember that that could be a problem, but uhm, I'll talk to you tomorrow then. 
'''Chris''': Alright, well you take care, I'll talk to you tomorrow. 
'''Kacey''': Alright. Bye. 
'''Chris''': Buh bye.

==External links==
*<s>mp3 of phonecall</s> File not found and video removed from YouTube. Please re-upload and re-link ASAP.

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 18]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 20]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 21

2013-12-31T06:08:14Z

Duncans Construction: /* Transcript */

File Name: kc92209.mp3

*[[Chris]] had a [[job]] interview at [[Target]] today. He claims to not remember most of it, despite it happening just hours ago.
*Chris uses his time spent playing at the Pokemon League as job experience in his interview.
*[[Kacey]] asks about his "photographic and audio memory," and Chris claims that doesn't work when he tries to remember things "spur of the moment," as if he didn't expect to be asked about the interview that happened ''that day.''
*Chris claims to have not worn his medallion to the job interview. He also admits that he complimented the female interviewers on their appearance. Kacey points out that you aren't supposed to hit on your interviewer - Chris disregards this and says it's fine because the compliment was "informal."
*Despite claiming his memory doesn't work "spur of the moment," he is able to immediately remember word for word what he said to troll phone calls. He was called gay by trolls.
*Kacey suggests simply ignoring troll phone calls - this goes completely over his head, and he immediately changes the subject.
*Kacey asks if he thinks he got the job. Chris says yes because "they smiled at me."
*Chris's logic kicks in full force. After failing to remember what his password was several times, he is locked out of his copyright management account for "multiple failed login attempts." Rather than figuring that ''his own failed log in attempts'' caused this, he believes it is the work of a troll.
*Chris believes that not only is it possible to steal the Sonichu copyright, but that all you need to do is have the copyright mailed to you and it's legally yours, disregarding the legal name on it. This further proves that Chris has ''no idea'' what the copyright actually is.
*Kacey asks Chris to film himself jogging so she can make sure he is doing it right. He says he "will consider it."
*Chris says that he will get to work on putting essays on CWCipedia.

==Transcript==
<Center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 21
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|NedkXlsDmH4}}
| Stardate = ???
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 20]]
| next = [[Kacey Call 22]]
}} </Center>

'''Chris:''' ''[high pitched, worried sounding]'' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey! What's up?
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kacey. I'm doin' okay, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good! So... how did the interview go today? I want to hear everything about it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I'll say as much as I can remember, anyway. It was- it went good, I had, uh... two supervising fema- two supervisor women interview me over there. And, uh... and they, you know, I kept my voice at a pleasant tone and I, uh, I ca- I was, ah, I kept good on the friendly smile and uh, and I maintained eye contact and, uh... answered the questions honestly and uh...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' What kind of questions did they ask you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, like, uh... questions about my, about my past job yeah, we took kind of length(?) to talk about my, it's, they talked about my past job at Wendy's, and also about brought in, like, you know, uh, also like, find some- find some I, uh, experience at the, over a- when I volunteered for the Pokemon League. ''[pause]'' Yeah, um... and they also gave me a lot of hypothetical situations so I can't remember those, can't remember that right of the ba- remember that right off the top of my head right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, but it just happened today, how could you not remember? I mean, was it like, angry customers or was iiiit... like were you having a problem with another employee? ''[pause]'' I mean, I thought you had this photographic and audio memory.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh, pause]'' I guess I, uh... I guess I-I, I guess it's something I c- yeah. I wo- I mean, yeah, I used to-
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' Are you sure you're okay? You sound distressed.
 '''Chris:''' ''[pause, sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' What happened? What's wrong?
 '''Chris:''' I... when I have to remember something and then I, when I'm pressed trying to remember, as much detail, it's just - I get frustrated when I can't remember- can't remem- can't recall it. I mean, you can't just like... spur of the moment.
 '''Kacey:''' Well... it sounded like you were stressed when you picked up, so are you sure there's not something that happened today?
 '''Chris:''' I, yeah, well, I did, I mean, while I was waiting for you I did pick up, uh, did pick up a few, uh, calls from some trolls, and... ''[pause, sigh]'' There's another rumor going around and... I got calls with claims from people, um call me, like, you know, saying like, yeah, ''[mockingly]'' 'Oooh, yeah, I'm glad you finally came out of the closet and you're such a homo' and then like I told them, like, told them, 'I'm straight'. I told them I'm straight and then hung up on them. ''[sigh]'' I just had to deal with- had to deal with a bunch of those.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' That's awful! I'm so sorry that my class ran late, but it sounds like somebody needs to grow up.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, a LOT of somebodies.
 '''Kacey:''' Haha, yeah. I mean, don't they have anything BETTER to do?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' But I mean, I guess it could be worse. I mean, it's just a phone call. You could just ignore them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, like I was explaining, anyways, still, I think I left a, ah, good impression at like, and I did dress nice I work like, I wor- I wore a nice, uh, blue dress shirt that, a like, nice blue striped dress shirt that I had and uh, black slacks and uh, blazer, and I did ''not'' wear my medallion. And I sat appropriately with my hands in my lap and my shoulders straight and sitting up posture and-
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' That's good!
 '''Chris:''' I... yeah. And I, you know, I even them a good handshakes and uh a compliment on how they looked and uh, I think they like so I'll hear b- I'll hear- I'll find out for sure in a couple of days.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I hope you weren't too forward with the complimenting them. Normally you don't do that on an interview.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, no, no, it was like, informal it was like, you know, while were waiting for the uh, for the, the, conference room to be free 'cause there was another interview goin' on and I complimented one of the two- one, one of the two women on how they looked. They looked good. And uh, also had uh, a jeweled hair piece and had pony tails. But it was like, you know, the jewel covered up the rubber band. And I, uh, complimented on that, you know, it looked good. It looked good on that person.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. So did they have you fill out any kind of paper work or say if they would be setting up a second interview, or... um, basically, what did they say?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... well, I did have to uh, did have to sign a form where they talked about my you know, uh... my schedule, availability of which I filled out when I applied on the online application. Talked to me about that. Verifying that. Uh... other than that, it was a Q-and-A, uh... and they pretty much wrote that down themselves.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, did they tell you that they would be calling you, or anything else?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they said that they would call me back.
 '''Kacey:''' Did they give you a time frame?
 '''Chris:''' ''[annoyed]'' Yeah, in a couple of days. ''[pause]'' Or if you're talking a time frame in hours, no they did not give me that.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, no-no-no, just... a time frame.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, in a couple of days.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean... do you think you got the job?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. ''[pause]'' I'm hoping I did. I'm praying I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, did they say anything that would make you... ''think'' that?
 '''Chris:''' They smiled back at me.
 '''Kacey:''' That's their job, they're supposed to smile back.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean, ah...
 '''Kacey:''' Did they say anything about paperwork, orientation... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... they, ahhh... they never said anything about orientations yet.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay. Well, did anything else happen today?
 '''Chris:''' Well... I didn't have much else planned, so after I got home, after I got back home, I, uh... had something to eat, then I took my tai-walk... jog. And then after I got home I spent some time playing Final Fantasy 7.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. That's an old game! So, uh... how about your copyright papers? How's that coming along?
 '''Chris:''' I think I already told you that, uh... that I re-registered...
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, have you checked on it online to make sure it went through?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I... Yeah, I tried checking it online, but unfortunately, uh... yeah, I hadn't changed my password and I forgot... I'm not sure what the password is. I think it's... it's suppo- supposed to be... it's supposed to have the word 'nutmeg' in it.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[typing heard in the background]''
 '''Chris:''' Or, and, it's like... 'gemtun' or something... which is a palindrome of nutmeg.
 '''Kacey:''' Hmm.
 '''Chris:''' Spelled back... spelled backward. That's what palindrome means.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, w-... yeah. I think I told you that I like to do that. You know, spell words backwards and then say them like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Right!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, uh... I also have that. I think it was like, either '02241982' but it... apparently, those weren't right. And uh, I guess... I mean, like, it also said like, I tried logging in and it gave me like... it said, like, you know, account has been deactivated because of multiple failed login attempts.
 '''Kacey:''' Oooh.
 '''Chris:''' So, I don't know, maybe one of the tro-... Clyde or... Gregg. Clyde, that guy, tried to log in. And tried to... psh, mess everything up there.
 '''Kacey:''' Well... who knows?
 '''Chris:''' ''[trying to interrupt]'' B-b-but y-yeah, but yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Because if he did, I mean, what would you do? I mean, if he did that, then HE would have the copyright, wouldn't he?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' Well, yeah, well, I mean, I don't know. Mm. It would depend on if he actually has an address for them to send the, uh, for them to send that, uh, piece of paper to or not.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[talking over Chris]'' Well... you should work on it and find out.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' 'Cause, I mean, if you think he did, he probably did, because that sounds like him.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-I, well, yeah, I'm trying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you should try harder, because I mean isn't that... important to you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is important.
 '''Kacey:''' So, you should... probably get on it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have been on that. I was on that, I was on it earlier when I was checkin' my e-mail as well. Also, yeah, I checked my e-mail also before, uh, after I got back from my walk... and before I went to Final Fantasy 7 I checked my e-mail.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, how long did you walk?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' The usual... usual 'bout... actually, nowadays, with the way I'm walking... I'm walking, jogging a little faster. I get home in 15 to 30 minutes now.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' Okay, so you... so you jogged for 15 minutes, or you walked for 15 minutes?
 '''Chris:''' ''[pause]'' Yeah, I jogged for like... five minutes out of the total time.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[long pause]'' Okay. Well. ''[sucks teeth]'' Do you ever think that... maybe you should-
 '''Chris:''' ''[tries to interrupt]''
 '''Kacey:''' -try to film yourself jogging so that maybe I could see your form and give you a few pointers?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, I don't know if it would be that easy for me to... well, I mean, it's not like I can actually... hold the camera while I'm jogging. It's like a habit of mine, swinging my arms while I jog. If I had it in my hands while I was filming, I mean... It'd be like, constant motion.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you're not supposed to let your arms swing down when you're jogging. You're supposed to keep them right by you. You know, like, you can either have your elbows bent a little bit, or keep them by your side.
 '''Chris:''' ''[tries to interrupt]'' Yeah... I-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just to- just set it stationary and jog in front of it for a little bit.
 '''Chris:''' ''[pause]'' Okay, well, I'll think about... okay, I'll consider it. I'll think about it.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[typing]'' Okay, but don't just be saying that to blow me off.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not saying that to blow you off. I will seriously consider... doing that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, I just wanted to make sure that you know you're working on stuff. Um... so, um, also, I mean, you know, you haven't done a lot of things that you said you would. Like, there's no old essays on the CWCipedia, anything like that, or, um... a song. ...anything. I mean, maybe you should just do a little bit at a time. Because, I'm ''really'' trying to help you out here, but you've got to help too for you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yep. Okay. ...yeah. Yep. Yeah, just, I'm still... yes. So many things and... so many things. Yep. But yeah. I'll get... I'll get some old essays up on the CWCipedia.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, that's good, um...
 '''Chris:''' I...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, let me let you go ahead and get to that and I will try to talk to you tomorrow. And definitely check up on that copyright, you don't want someone to steal it right from under your nose.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ...yeah. I... I... yeah. I'll get right on that. I am right on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Alright. Bye.
 '''Chris:''' I'll talk to you later. Stay safe. I- ''[cuts off]''
 '''Kacey:'''

==External links==
*<s>mp3 of phonecall</s> File not found and video removed from YouTube. Please re-upload and re-link ASAP.

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 20]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 22]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 1.5

2013-12-31T06:04:48Z

Duncans Construction:

In '''Kacey Call 1.5,''' recorded in [[August 2009]] in the midst of the Liquid saga, [[Chris]] attempts to maintain his impersonation of [[Liquid Chris]] in a conversation with [[Kacey]]. This call was released on 9 [[May 2012]] after being misplaced by [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]].

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 1.5
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|LM19PIg-urI}}
| Stardate = August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 1]]
| next = [[Kacey Call 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Heyyyyy, it's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace!
 '''Kacey:''' What's up?
 '''Chris:''' How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm great, how bout you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I got your email and, um, I emailed [[Emily]] and, um, so yeah I'm waiting to hear back from her... er, [[Kim]]?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Emily, uh, you meant to say Kim right?
 '''Kacey:''' I meant to say Kim, I know you told me about Emily, sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Ye... yeah, I think I recall that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I'm new to all this, so I'm sorry I'm gonna get them mixed up. I'm surprised I didn't call her [[Megan]], or Kate.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Whatever... Anyway, uh, so what else is going on?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm just calling, you know, because I'm supposed to be coming down tomorrow, um, I hope my car makes it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya so [''inaudible because Kacey interrupts''] my parents are looking forward to meeting you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh awesome, awesome. So do you know anything about cars? Like maybe you could tell me what's wrong with it maybe?
 '''Chris:''' Uhmmm, yeah, I don't know much about cars, but, uh, you can go on the Internet, I heard about this radio show called Cartalk, you could probably find some tips on there.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome, thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know Cartalk, it's also the, uh, radio show that did the, uh, TV show on PBS that was called uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Click and Clack's As the Wrench Turns|As The Wrench Turns]]''.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, cool. Um, so anyway I just wanted to call you cause like I'm actually really upset right now.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, what's the matter?
 '''Kacey:''' Did you see that fucking impostor video? He's trying to apologize, like, I wonder if he did that because I told him to, in my judging, but I mean just he just pisses me off. I mean, his fucking voice, the way he looks, his hair, just the way he tries to be you, just... Ugh! His fat fucking face! God! I mean, doesn't- I know he pisses you off I just, I'm sorry, I hate it when people mess with you. 'Cause you know I love you so much!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm just checking though... Yeah, I think you told me you love me when you saw my artwork on the Internet, right?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, it was totally, totally, absolutely [[Sonichu]], I mean, and we just gotten so close lately that if anyone, anyone tried to tear us apart from each other I'd probably die from heartbreak.
 '''Chris:''' Awww... I'm sorry- I'm sorry to hear that.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh well, that's just how much I love you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel for you... I can uh... I can elate [''sic''] with that.
 '''Kacey:''' Right... So, but I mean, what do you feel about it? I mean, I know he really pisses you off. I mean... how much do you hate him, because I mean, if I hate him about all these things, you've got to have tons of things to hate about him.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmmm. Yeah, well, I mean you know, uh... I mean, I'm pretty much out of hate, I've got tired of hating, you know, so I just figured I'd just flow with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Oof... So I mean, I guess you're giving him a chance? Because of all this... But I mean, you just told me the other day that he has a [[homosexual]] lisp and that he probably takes it up the butt from [[niggos|black guys]].
 '''Chris:''' Uh... That's just... I can tell you right now that's just a whole bunch of lies that someone put on the, uh, [[ED]] page against me.
 '''Kacey:''' What? There's no ED page against you, that's the impostor! What are you talking about? Oh, you must, you must be tired from, you know, finals and everything coming up, but I mean... This... God, it's like I don't know, you were just saying this stuff the other day and... I mean, come on, this guy, he tried to disqualify you over something stupid. He didn't even look at your video. I know he didn't look at your video! I mean, but he can put stupid things like Parappa Rap in his thing and not be disqualified? Fuck that shit! Oh, sorry for me cursing.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, come on, Chris, don't you have any opinion?
 [''inaudible - speaking over each other'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's like, you know... Yeah... I kind of grew up emotionally a bit more the past few days.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh okay. So you're trying to take the, uh, "I'm the bigger guy route".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I am pretty much the, uh... I'm pretty much the, uh, big man, and I realize that as such, and like you know, with my own trolls I pretty much would thank them for the, uh, publici- publicity they've given me as well.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, like no publicity is bad publicity but I mean, uh-
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean they have, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I'm just bit confused because: Why did you realize all this? I mean, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, a lot of things happened, uh. You did get the message I sent you, right?
 '''Kacey:''' The really long email? Yeah, I mean, it was really, really heartfelt. I mean, I'm glad that you trust me that much.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. You know me, yeah, I am definitely, truly a heartfelt kind of person.
 '''Kacey:''' That's good, that's good. Um, but seriously, I really want to talk about this impostor. He's really pissing me off, Chris, I mean, come on, support me. I mean, I think... He subscribes to me. I think he is trying to go through me for you. I mean, could you believe that?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Uh, I don't know I, uh... Yeah, that just sounds- that just sounds like a bunch of fooling me, eh uh... I've taken a closer look at, uh, what he's done, and everything in the past. Hmm... But yeah, um, he's pretty much growing up as well and I have to be respecting that...
 '''Kacey:''' CHRIS HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? DID YOU SEE HIM? DID YOU SEE HIM? He is trying to trick you! He is, I mean, just look at his room! He is trying to go through me to you! And that hurts me and that makes me angry! 'Cause I mean... How... Who is he to fucking try and get in between us? I mean, I love you. YOU are the fucking creator of [[Sonichu]]. YOU are the fucking man. YOU are awesome! I mean, and every time you sing a song for me, dedicate something to me, I know that it's from YOU. How the fuck can he try to do that?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I don't know, a lot of people are smart. *sigh*
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think he is. [''Chris tries to say something''] I think he's pretty stupid. I mean, look at all his toys. I mean, how old is he?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm... I'd say he looks about twenty-seven himself.
 '''Kacey:''' Heh... But I mean, just like, come on, I mean, he probably plays videogames all day on his fucking TV. I mean, he looks way older than twenty-seven, but you know that could just be the [[PSEye]] toy... Crappy shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I do. I will admit the camera adds about a few pounds.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, totally. Hmph.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, my mind's blankin' out on me. I've had a bit of a long day myself, you know.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, can I call you later? I promise I'll calm down, just I really want to talk to you, let you know, maybe, we can talk more like last night or something, um, just he really pisses me off, because I mean, I don't even think he's financially stable and he has these things like the huge TV and the toys and everything, and it's like, “Where are you getting THOSE from?”... [''Chris is making sounds, possibly trying to speak''] Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, hon.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay, I'm here for you. I'll listen to your rants.
 '''Kacey:''' And I totally appreciate that.
 '''Chris:''' I'll listen to your rants with an open mind.
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, good, because I have so much, because he really, really, really pisses me off. I mean, just, and then this whole singing challenge, like he has a fucking choice. I mean, I want you to do this with me. You gotta do it for me. I need to feel supported by you and, I mean, you were doing it last night, so what's the difference now? You gotta win! This guy is coming after YOU for no reason, just because he wants your e-fame or whatever he thinks.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you've gotta be out for blood, Chris, because he is. I mean, and you know I don't always condone it, but, I think he's trying things that he shouldn't, and I mean, don't you wanna protect me if he is trying to get to me through you? You don't love me that much?
 '''Chris:''' I do- I do care about you very much and I am.
 '''Kacey:''' OH NO, CHRIS. DO YOU LOVE ME THAT MUCH?
 '''Chris:''' I love you that much.
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you've gotta do something!
 '''Chris:''' I am going to do something. I will protect you. I'm going to protect you from all the lies and deceit that there are...
 '''Kacey:''' FINE! Then tell me something you hate about him right now. Do something right now! 'Cause you need to show him now. Knock him off a few pegs.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I'll, uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Make a video! Do something!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll make a video, I'll, uh... I'll give him a little bit of a hate moment... Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Good! I want you to give him a huge hate moment! Fucking pig, he doesn't even look like he takes a shower!
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Kacey:''' So yeah, gather your thoughts and make me a video, and that will just make all the anger go away... That will be so awesome, thank you.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya, and I'll listen to ya always.
 '''Kacey:''' I'm so sorry you had to see such a ugly side of me, but I mean, when it comes to you I would protect you from everything, and I know you would do the same for me.
 '''Chris:''' It's all right, I understand. But anyway, yeah, uh, definitely, uh, talk to Kim, uh, learn more about, uh, you know, everything about him, his history [''inaudible because Kacey interrupts''] Okay!
 Chris- All the details.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I'll definitely talk to her and, um, I'll call you later tonight, if that's okay. *giggle*
 '''Chris:''' Of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome! *giggle* Okay, well, I'm going to go let you seek and gather your thoughts and make me that awesome video! Give me it [''Chris trying to say something''] Cause I want to see it soon! I'm so excited!
 '''Chris:''' All right, Kacey-heart. I will.
 '''Kacey:''' All right, I love you so much! Bye!
 '''Chris:''' I love you, too. Bye bye.

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 1]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 2]]}}

==External links==
[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBUnItVUNZb0dzLWs mp3 of phonecall]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Talk:CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013

2013-12-26T02:35:11Z

Duncans Construction: Created page with "==New saga?== This is listed as Tomgirl saga in the video but you suppose we've entered a new saga here, the Facebook saga? ~~~~"

==New saga?==
This is listed as Tomgirl saga in the video but you suppose we've entered a new saga here, the Facebook saga? [[User:Duncans Construction|Duncans Construction]] 18:35, 25 December 2013 (PST)

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3

2013-12-24T15:10:33Z

Duncans Construction: /* Video */

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3''' is the third call between [[Chris]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]], which took place on 30 [[January 2010]].

==Summary==

In this conversation, Alec and Chris touch on several topics. They cover one of Chris's earlier attempts to apologize on video, the disposition of Chris's ripped-off character [[Simonla Rosechu]], Chris's attacks on Alec in the [[Mailbag]] and elsewhere, and the slack-tastic schedule Chris favors when it comes to updating [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]].

At this point in their dispute, Chris seems to believe he still has cards to play as far as negotiating with Alec, [[Evan]], and the rest of the [[Asperpedia]] crew for the removal of the ads they placed on the [[CWCipedia]]. He is adamant in his refusal to do away with Simonla despite Evan's demands, and he believes that by updating her page on the CWCipedia he will be able to wipe the truth about her origins from history.

When Alec turns to discussing Chris's attacks on him, Chris quickly shifts into his standard woe-is-me mode, whining about the [[troll]]s, the [[ED]] page and so forth. Alec observes that Chris has used the CWCipedia to attack him in the same way that Chris's detractors have used ED, a cogent point that flies several miles over Chris's head.

The call concludes after more whining from Chris about his [[biological clock]]. Chris claims to be expecting another caller and hangs up. Later speculation centered around [[The Wallflower]] as the mystery caller.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|3xpd4oLKULw}}
| Stardate = 30 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

 '''Alec''': Hey uh Chris, it's Alec... How are you doin'?

 '''Chris''': Oh, hi, Alec. Umm, yeah, I'm doing okay. Umm.

 '''Alec''': Yeah.

 '''Chris''': Yeah, listen, [[Lie|I'm expecting a call in a couple, in a couple of minutes,]] so...uh... Okay, well, what's, what else is on your mind?

 '''Alec''': Well, I saw you made an apology video.

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': So, uh, thank you for that. Um... You know, I'm a little concerned that maybe you didn't cover all the points that, that we, that I talked to you about. I think, uh... Well, you know, you did apologize, but I'm not really sure the people are going to understand what you, you were apologizing for. 'Cause you mentioned just like... You said, "I apologize for some of the things I said." [''pause''] You know what I mean?

 '''Chris''': Indeed. Well, I'll make it more specific in the...

 '''Alec''': I'd appreciate that.

'''Chris''': ...in the videos that go along with this video. Okay. I'll take that, I'll take that, [''unintelligible tard-speak''], I'll take that tomorrow.

 '''Alec''': Well, I'd appreciate that. Um, I also do think that, like we were talking about Evan yesterday, I think it would be a good idea to mention him specifically in the apology video. Um, just about...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Okay, but, okay, but... Okay. But '''Simonla stays'''.

 '''Alec''': Well, um... You know, that's between you and Evan, but as far as I know, he's, he's not going to be happy with that.

 '''Chris''': Yeah, well I'm just say, yeah, well I'm just... You can relay that to him.

 '''Alec''': Alright, I can let him know, but, like I said, I think you should, you should really hammer that out with him. [''pause''] 'Cause you know, like I said, it is on the CWCki there that you did get Simonla as a, as a direct, you know, inspiration from Simonchu.

 '''Chris''': Right.

 '''Alec''': Yeah.

 '''Chris''': I'll fix that tomorrow as well.

 '''Alec''': Well, um, like I said, Chris, you can't really go back and change history. What's there is there. [''long pause''] You know what I mean? I understand you said that it was, that you were, you were making fun of Evan with that, but, I mean, you wrote it as if it was true...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] I was, I never, I never... Actually, I never was making fun of anybody with that.

 '''Alec''': Well, I thought you said yesterday that, uh, you meant it as a mockery of Evan.

 '''Chris''': No, I did not.

 '''Alec''': You did not?

 '''Chris''': Yes. I did not.

 '''Alec''': Okay. So why, then, does the Simonla article say that it was inspired by Evan's work?

'''Chris''': [''long pause''] Well that does need to be corrected, and I will correct it. Tomorrow.

 '''Alec''': Okay, I'm just... I'm asking, why was it there in the first place, though? [''long pause''] You know what I mean? 'Cause this has just caused a huge hubbub, and it's just, it kinda sucks.

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts again''] Yes, well, anyway, it will be, it will be corrected.

 '''Alec''': Okay, but that doesn't change the fact that you used Simonchu as inspiration. I'm just trying to warn you, Chris.

 '''Chris''': Alright.

 '''Alec''': You know, you've been... You know... I'd like kinda to talk about me a little bit. I think I've been talking to you about your issues quite enough, honestly. If you don't mind I'd like to bring up, ah... [''pauses to shift gears''] You know, I'm a little angry with you, Chris. For, for a number of reasons. Um, you've been calling me naïve quite a bit, you know, in our past couple of conversations, and as I understand, you, you consider that to be, you know, one of the worst insults that a person can call someone. Yet you use it on me [''Chris tries to break in.''] repeatedly.

 '''Chris''': It is my least fav-, it is my least favorite word of all time.

 '''Alec''': Well, why did you feel it was appropriate to use it, uh, on me? I don't consider myself...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Because you not, because you not, because you do not have as much experiences as I have had. You have not been deceived by trolls. You do not have an, a page that slanders against your good name turning ya into '''a mockery!''' You've never been, you've never had...

 '''Alec''': Really? It seems to me that the CWCipedia itself is turning into a page to slander me. What do you have to say about that?

 '''Chris''': I'm sorry, I did not understand that last statement.

 '''Alec''': It seems that the CWCipedia itself is turning into a website to mock and derail me. You know, I saw your Mailbag 50 that you uploaded, um, which was, you know, an ideal Mailbag in your eyes, you know? What you want questions to be about. And as far as I can tell, the entire purpose of that Mailbag was just to talk about how much I suck and how much better you are than me. Is that really what you want your Mailbags to be?

 '''Chris''': Part of the way. Part of the way, but those questions are actually real. And they have come from a Sonichu fan forum, of those that are still loyal to me. And they actually think that way.

 '''Alec''': Alright, but it's not totally representative of all your letters when you only have letters talking about how bad my comic is.

 '''Chris''': Yes, but you see, see for one thing you don't go off the topic with issues like homo-, like homosettsuality, or mislabeling me as a homosettsual.

 '''Alec''': How can you go off-topic, really? Because people are just asking you general questions. There really wasn't a topic to begin with. People ask you questions about subjects maybe that are a little unpleasant to you, but that's just 'cause they wanna know things.

 '''Chris''': Yes, but on those points I cannot really answer those questions, now can I?

 '''Alec''': Well, I don't know. I mean, why can't you answer those kind of questions?

 '''Chris''': Because they are, because they were complicated to me and I could not really comprehend them fully to come up with a sound answer.

 '''Alec''': Um... [''deep breath''] Okay, well, could you give me an example of a question that's a little too complex? I'm just curious.

 '''Chris''': Hmm. Taking the one of the letters that I had deleted or moved to the reject section. Read that to, read that to...

 '''Alec''': [''interrupts''] I can't really look at the letters that you deleted. But I can look at the rejected ones, I suppose.

 '''Chris''': Actually you can, you just have to go up to the history tab for that Mailbag. For one Mailbag out of all those Mailbags.

 '''Alec''': That's a little inconvenient, ya know?

 '''Chris''': It becomes obvious. You know, anytime before I answered and edited it.

 '''Alec''': Like, uh... Well, I can just come up with a general topic, I guess, as an example. People have been asking you, uh... I don't know... About Rosechu for example. That whole gender nonsense about, you know, about the Raichu being a male and things like that. And I know you said that...

 '''Chris''': The Raichu was actually ''female''!

 '''Alec''': Well, I take your word for it. I don't wanna get into that, because we did, you know, draw that out last time. So.

 '''Chris''': Okay.

 '''Alec''': You know, I think that you seem to get stressed out when people tell how much they like my comic. Now, if I were in your shoes, I would take that as a compliment, because my comic was inspired by your work. But you seem to think it's a bad thing that people like me at all. You seem to want people to hate me.

 '''Chris''': Well, yeah, that's another, that's another thing. They confuse, they confuse your character, Asperchu, they're saying that it's my character when I have to tell them that it's not. That character is your character.

 '''Alec''': Well, I don't want to people to think that. I understand that, definitely. I've been telling people, you know, Asperchu is original and he's not related to you or Sonichu in any way. So, we can't reach everybody but we're definitely trying.

 '''Chris''': Alright.

 '''Alec''': The people keep... People still to this day write me and think Asperchu is a parody of you and that's just not the case. So I do understand your annoyance with that subject. 'Cause I do kinda...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Yeah. Okay, well, listen, okay, anyway, listen, I gotta go, I'm accepting a call. So I'll talk to you another time.

 '''Alec''': Alright. Uh, I do have one quick question. You know, when I talk to you, you usually want me to call you right about 9:30, is that right? But usually I try to call you then and you don't answer. Is that still a good time to talk to you?

 '''Chris''': Yes, unless I'm updating the CWCipedia. Which in that case I cannot get to my phone. Last night. And last night actually, I actually was updating the CWCipedia.

 '''Alec''': Uh... [''sigh''] Alright. Well, I've tried to call you several nights before then as well and got no answer. I know you weren't uploading... [Chris attempts to interrupt] I know you weren't uploading pages.

 '''Chris''': Yeah. Okay, well, anyway, I actually was uploading pages last night.

 '''Alec''': Well, last night, not the previous several nights.

 '''Chris''': Yes, but it was still two pages a day, three days, there you guy.

 '''Alec''': I still gotta recommend that you try for consistency over just bulk quantity, Chris.

 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, my biological, yeah, so my biological clock has been changing, it's making me go to bed earlier.

 '''Alec''': Why is it?

 '''Chris''': I had to reschedule...

 '''Alec''': Why is it changing? Do you have, is there some big change in your schedule? Have you started a job or anything? Because sometimes that does it.

 '''Chris''': [''suddenly high-pitched and whiny''] I have been, I have been crashing earlier. I usually would stay up 'til, I used to stay up 'til about four o'clock, now it's like I'm crashing before midnight.

 '''Alec''': Well, that's still pretty late. I mean, I usually go to bed at, like, eleven, and I still get pages uploaded.

 '''Chris''': Anyway, I gotta go, I'll talk to you another time.

[''Tape runs out.'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|Chris and Alec Call 2]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|Chris and Alec Call 4]]|}}

==External Links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?9f53lnl1amecuk3 Audio download]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XaH3RRyXZ0 YouTube link]
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2013-12-24T05:05:16Z

Duncans Construction: /* Chris Calls Bob */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|FY5YYvlIKxk}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 1 Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
}}

<center>
'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|HubjBPUs2bY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 2 Transcript|content=
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|GMb4aeio7lY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9

2013-12-23T23:06:31Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9''' is the ninth call between Chris and Alec, which took place 25 February 2010.

==Summary==
The call begins with [[Alec]] asking [[Chris]] how his birthday was and then asking about his reasoning behind the recent disturbing developments in [[Sonichu 10]]. Alec points out some notable [[hypocrisy]] in regards to Chris's use of [[Chris and anger|violence]] in issue 10, given that Chris has criticized the [[Asperchu]] and Sonichu Revolution comics for using a lot of violence. Alec goes on to call out Chris for trying to weasel out of the conditions he had agreed to in earlier phone calls and telling him off for not listening to him...again.

Chris defends his actions with the always amazing excuse that "he was still filled with anger," which, you know, totally makes everything O.K. Alec also points out that "apologizing" is not quite equal to "violently murdering the people you wronged in your shitty comic." The two argue about the issue of [[Simonla]], and the fact that Chris didn't exactly kill her in the manner promised AND introduced the character "Sandy", Simonla's daughter, defeating the entire purpose of eliminating Simonla. They discuss [[copyright]] and Chris's misunderstanding of the concept, in addition to Chris's massive [[ego]].

Chris-chan's Love Day is brought up. Chris denies ripping off ''Independence Day'' and claims that trying to make his own birthday a national holiday isn't completely unreasonable in any way, shape or form. Chris states that the Mexican Flag Day (which is coincidentally the same day as his birthday) "could be better," which implies that it "could be better" by celebrating his birthday on a national level AND he says that there should be a second day in addition to Valentine's Day to celebrate love and his birthday "just feels right." When Alec mentions that he's definitely creating a dumb ass cover-up for wanting his own birthday to be a holiday, Chris dances around the question like a drunken retard ([[Alcohol|how fitting]]).

Chris also admits he likes it when people kiss his ass, which has been [[Ego|kind of obvious]] for a long time. He then proves he knows nothing of Christianity ([[Religion|also obvious]]). Chris also admits he believes Simonla has always been his and tries to explain why it's not O.K. to [[parody]] a parody (it's as retarded as it sounds). In addition, Alec catches Chris in another [[lie]] about how many pages he had done. Chris blames the [[trolls]].

The call appears to end with Chris hanging up mid-sentence.

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|eqiJmuaZclQ}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Alec. I was not...

'''Alec:''' Hey, Happy birthday!

'''Chris:''' [''Annoyed''] I wasn't- okay, well I was not expecting you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, thank you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah, how was, how was your birthday today?

'''Chris:''' My birthday was yesterday, and it was, it was, it was good.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh, it was, it was yesterday?

'''Chris:''' I spent it with my family. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I saw the pages you got uploaded today. Um, yeah... Uh... What's up with that trial, Chris? That was kinda like, that was kind of, uh, out of left field. That was... I didn't expect that at all.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you drew, you drew, you, uh, drew me, you drew, you drew me in a set- in a setup of, uh, the, of uh, being beared false witness from uh, from your, from your parody of my Sonichu. In, uh, comparison of uh, that, of the [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]] being the real one and not me, which I was the real deal. And then you set me on fire. And then recently, you per-, you portrayed me getting my head getting chopped off with a sawblade! With gory detail!

'''Alec:''' Chris, you didn't read that, that last page. Did you read the, um, the page? 'Cause, what happened there was, um, that was a picture of the real you in the comic, and I said, you know, like your head got chopped off but then you came right back and said "No, it's okay, we're just faking". I didn't, your head didn't actually get chopped off.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Okay, it could maybe have more obvious.

'''Alec:''' Well, if you read the text it would have been obvious. You know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It, there was a lot, there was text there, I mean, I spelled it out. I specifically had you say "Don't worry, this is fake!", you know, "My head's not really chopped off. I'm fine." You know, um, you accuse me of using, er, well, not accused, of using violence, I do use violence, that's true. But I was just kind of, uh... It seems kind of weird that your comic has suddenly taken a ''very'' gory turn. I mean, like...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] It's just, it's just, it's just [[Sonichu Special 4|one time]].

'''Alec:'''But you said violence is wrong, though. One time's...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting again''] But I... Yeah, well, you, you, you did violence unto me, I was just returning the favor.

'''Alec:''' Oh, revenge is okay, though? Chris, you said violence is wrong. You didn't say it's okay in the case of revenge. [''long pause''] And, I'm kinda, I'm kinda curious, why is this trial taking place? Like, why are Alec and Mao and me, er, Alec and Mao and uh, Evan and Sean, uh, why are we on trial?

'''Chris:''' [''takes a smug tone''] Okay, let me see. The, uh, copy-, copycat, the whole bunch of copy-, copycat of practically everything from my, nearly everything from my books. Set me on fire, chopping my head off, false witness, and uh, oh yeah, how about wanting to kill Simonla Rosechu?

'''Alec:''' Um... Do you remember all the times we talked about Simonla? Where I explained to you that I wanted you to kill her because she's not your character, and Evan wanted her gone from your comic?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you told me, you swore up and down to me that, that you understood the point I was trying to get across to you and that you understood what I...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting yet again''] Yeah I did, yeah I did understand that. Yeah I-

'''Alec:''' [''Shutting Chris down''] Well, no! You're lying to me, Chris. You obviously didn't.

'''Chris:''' No, I did, I did...

'''Alec:''' [''Refusing to put up with Chris's bullshit excuses''] God Chris, I can't believe, I cannot believe you did this Chris. You, you know I thought that you were just, you know, kinda going "Yeah, uh-huh" just mouthing along and pretending to understand and saying what I wanted to hear to get me off the phone. And you know, I said that to you. I asked you, "Are you doing that?" And you said "No," you said no. You, you promised you understood, you would comply, you believed what I was saying. But then this trial comes along and what you're telling me right now is apparently my words went in one ear and out the other with you. And you think that, that me and Evan did something wrong to you. You think that you have done nothing wrong? Do you seriously believe that we are, you know, antagonists and that you are just a saint here?

'''Chris:''' Hmmm. Let me think about that a moment. To ask my question best.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, remember: Don't tell me the answer that you think I want to hear. Tell me what you really believe. That's the answer that I actually want to hear, is what you really believe.

[''Tense pause. Chris is watching South Park in the background.'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm looking at... Uh, the page here where you had like 10 people simultaneously electrocute me. Sonichu says [''wimpy voice''] "Oh I'm not gay!"

[''Chris attempts to respond, Alec drowns him out.'']

'''Alec:''' Chris, how many times, how many times did I tell... Okay, another thing, apparently, you didn't listen to. How many times did I tell you that I never portrayed Sonichu as gay? I explained clearly to you. Because you thought that he and Asperchu are gay, and I explained to you, "No, they're just, they were just hugging because they're friends, they're close friends." And I thought that you understood that, but... Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but like it'd be, but the portrayal could be misconstr-, construed, especially with the, uh, all the pink, all the pink-hearted drawings that you did...

 '''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you did misconstrue it.

'''Chris:''' And the one, and the one where they were, the one where they were lying next to each other, in a bed situation...

'''Alec:''' Okay, okay, you did misconstrue it. That's true. And then you brought that up to me, and then I explained to you what it really meant. And now you apparently ignored that and just, you say, Sonichu says, "eeewww, you're portraying me as gay." I'm not portraying Sonichu as gay. I've never done that. The only gay characters in my comic are Wild and Simonchu... Well, Simonchu's bisexual. And, uh, I think that's it right now, actually. Well, Mitch, Mitch is gay in my comic. Although I haven't shown him having a lover yet. You know, none of my fans misunderstood that.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, not that it really matters, because the point is that you misunderstood it, you brought it up to me, and I explained it to you. I don't care that you misunderstood something, what I care about is that you apparently didn't even listen when I explained it to you. Because anybody can misunderstand something, but you brought it up to me, I explained it to you, and you made it sound like you did understand. But apparently you didn't.

'''Chris:''' Actually, I did understand, but I still had the anger and rage, I still had the anger against you. And I wanted to bear, I wanted to...

'''Alec:''' No! No. Why? Why would you have anger against me? If I explained...

'''Chris:''' One, uh, one big reason is continuing the adverts, continuing the blasphemous advertisements on my CWCipedia against me. Those are like...

'''Alec:''' [''shouting over Chris''] Oh, really? Hey, hey, hey, do you remember when I explained to you...

'''Chris:''' Especially, especially the ones declaring my birthday as Asperchu Day...

'''Alec:''' HEY! Chris. Chris! Do you remember when I explained to you last time that my ads are staying up there because you completely insulted me, and didn't respect what I wanted you to do in the apology video? But what you're saying me now is, you think that the ads are an attack on you. You're just completely forgetting what I told you before. Or maybe you're not forgetting it, maybe you're just choosing to disregard it. They were a direct consequence of your actions. You had the power to get rid of the ads and you did nothing. So how can you be mad at me for having the ads up? [''pause''] When I gave you several ways out, and you didn't take them?

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I, at least I, when, at least I went by your request and put, and hand-wrote all the apologies and everything, and killed Simonla.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh no. [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|You said that me and Mao and Sean and Evan killed Simonla]]. That's what your comic says. Apparently you didn't fulfill that part of the requirement either. Because I wanted you to kill her, but you accused me of killing her. And then you killed us in your comic. What kind of apology is that? When... Okay, an apology is when you do something wrong, you acknowledge it, and you make reparations to whoever was wronged. An apology is not where, um, you attack the person that you owe an apology to.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It's like you said... It's like you handed me a bowl of ice cream, said, "Hey, here's some ice cream for you," but then just as I reached out for it, you threw it on the ground. That's kind of what it feels like. Chris, do you remember last time, I told you that you were the one who drew the Voltorb? You were the one who killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, requesting the death of one of my characters comes with a price.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Chris:''' And, and I had... I said request of the, request of the killing of one of my characters...

'''Alec:''' NOT YOUR CHARACTER. Not, no, Simonla was not your character. She was Evan's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, with all the writing, with all the writing...

'''Alec:''' "Yeah, but anyway"?

'''Chris:''' With all the, uh...

'''Alec:''' You said, "Yeah, but anyway." Are you acknowledging that Simonla was not yours?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] I acknowledge that Simonla was not mine, but I did not...

'''Alec:''' You just, but, two minutes ago you said...

'''Chris:''' I did not care very much for all the anger and torments and that such abuse that I continued to get from Evan. Anger...

'''Alec:''' What, what abuse did you get from him?

'''Chris:''' Verbal, verbal abuse and...

'''Alec:''' Like how?

'''Chris:''' In the Mailbag.

'''Alec:''' He sent you e-mails requesting you to stop using the character that was his.

'''Chris:''' And then threatening me with, sic his lawyers on me...

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Because you were committing illegal acts against him.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, the point is, Simonla is dead now.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, no, the point is that, um, you apparently don't listen when I talk to you. That's my point. Right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Actually...

'''Alec:''' Because you believe that you are in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. And you... Is that your TV going in the background? Do you ever turn your TV off when you talk to people on the phone? That might be kinda...

'''Chris:''' I do turn my... Well, actually, I do turn the TV off sometimes. [''takes a self-righteous tone''] Alright, I'll turn it off now.

'''Alec:''' Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' Alright. Thank you for that. Um, who is is [[Sandy]], by the way? Sandy, like Simonla's daughter?

'''Chris:''' Wild and Simonla's daughter. Yes.

'''Alec:''' How can Simonla have a daughter when she's not supposed to exist in your comic? You know, Evan might get pissed about Sandy existing.

'''Chris:''' Well, the, well, still, Sandy did not originate from Simonchu.

'''Alec:''' She kinda looks like, exactly like Simonla, but with, like, Lisa Simpson hair. She did originate from, she's like a clone of Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Well, she is not a clone of Simonla, she is a Ground-type rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Isn't that what Simonla was? Do you even realize the point of getting rid of Simonla in the first place? It was because... Okay. Evan was mad about Simonla because Simonla was just a rip-off of Simonchu. And it looks like Sandy is a rip-off of Simonla, which by corollary makes her a rip-off of Simonchu as well.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I disagree with that.

'''Alec:''' You can disagree all you want. Doesn't make it true. You can tell me the sky is orange as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact that the sky is blue. I mean, judges will agree with that one.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, actually, still, Sandy does have an origin that's definitely not, definitely not one that Simonla was from. Explained lately, it's based off of somebody's, some other character.

'''Alec:''' She originates from Simonla.

'''Chris:''' She actually, she actually was born as a rosey...

'''Alec:''' From Simonla.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, long pause'']

'''Alec:''' You know, this probably doesn't matter a whole lot, I bet you're never going to use Sandy again. I mean...

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|f92ZZbrFrIs}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Oh yes I will! Because, because we need a constructor, we need, we need the main constructor in the city of CWCville, and Simonla was that, so now Sandy has to be the one who fills in Simonla's shoes.

'''Alec:''' Can't you just have, like, a construction crew? Like, you know, construction workers with vehicles? How can one person really do all the construction?

'''Chris:''' Simonla, Simonla was head builder, she did have a crew. And when you take out the leader the whole crew falls.

'''Alec:''' Okay, don't you think that crew... You know, I'm sure she had, like, a second-in-command, alright. Don't you think that her crew might feel kind of insulted that, um, you have, like, a person who is a week old just take control? Inheriting the crew. So you, you've got a construction crew that runs, like...

'''Chris:''' No, she was, she's not, well, she's not, Sandy's not going to take the reins prematurely like that...

'''Alec:''' You just said that...

'''Chris:''' She's going through heavy training.

'''Alec:''' Why? So she's child labor?

'''Chris:''' No, not child labor.

'''Alec:''' Well, she's like a week old, and you already had her assassinate people. I mean, that's...

'''Chris:''' The point of that was that they were revenged against Evan for having, for even thinking of killing off Simonla.

'''Alec:''' But you killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Because I was forced, because I felt forced to by, between, by y'all.

'''Alec:''' That's correct, we did force you to, because your refused to acknowledge that... Chris, what is copyright infringement? Give me your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Copyright infringement...

'''Alec:''' Yes. I'd like to hear your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''another pause''] The misuse...of a character that originally belonged to somebody else.

'''Alec:''' Oh! Really.

'''Chris:''' Without their consent.

'''Alec:''' Okay, now, how does that connect to Simonla? You misused, you misused Simonla because she rightfully belonged to someone else.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, even still, even Sonichu was originally mine, and I have a copy-, I have the copyright registration forms to prove that.

'''Alec:''' So? What does that have to do with Simonla? You stole... Don't change the subject, Chris. You stole Simonchu and screwed around with him. Two wrongs make a right, is that, is that the case?

'''Chris:''' That is not the point I am trying to make.

'''Alec:''' Well, then, why do you...

'''Chris:''' That is fairly, that is fairly accurate though.

'''Alec:''' When we're talking about Simonla, why do you bring up Sonichu's copyright? What does that have to do with it?

'''Chris:''' Because you drew him, because you drew him in your pages without my consent, and then, and then made him look like, look like a homosexual. Or appear as such.

'''Alec:''' Why does what I... Why does anything that I do have anything at all to do with how you treat Evan and his property? Why do you want to punish one person for, for a wrong that you perceive another unrelated person doing?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I am not Evan. Evan is not me. Chris, do you... Okay, this... Goddammit, Chris, this is just like, remember when you were complaining about how, you know, the trolls and ED attack you, and you used that as an excuse for why you treat me like shit? Why do you think it's okay to treat some random person like shit just because you've been treated badly, by other people that aren't related?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, now, to correct you, it is not, I did not do it on a random person, quote unquote, I actually had reasons to do it against you and your crew.

'''Alec:''' I asked you why you stole something from Evan, which happened a long time ago, as I understand it, actually, well before I created Asperchu, and your response is that, you know, it's because of something I draw.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm just saying, that was...

'''Alec:''' If I remember right...

'''Chris:''' ...why I did, why I didn't care for what you did very much, and that was what you did there.

'''Alec:''' Chris, when someone asks you a question, it's polite to respond with an answer that is relevant to the question. When I asked you why you think it's okay to steal Simonchu from Evan, please don't respond by going off on some unrelated tangent about how you don't like me.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Now, if I remember right, on that Simonchu article, before you doctored it to make it look different, it said that it was like in August 2008 that you, quote unquote, created Simonla. That's a long time, that's over a year before I created Asperchu. I created Asperchu not even three months ago.

'''Chris:''' Mm-kay. Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Okay what?

'''Chris:''' Well, let me think about that a moment so I can properly answer the question about the, uh... The quote unquote character theft.

'''Alec:''' You know what, I don't really want to go over whether you think stealing Simonchu is right or wrong or not, because we've done that before, and you, you know, I was fooled, I thought that I had gotten some kind of response out of you, which turned out to be a complete lie. Because you, to this day, still believe that Simonla is yours and everyone else is evil. I just want to know why, why you think that you're perfect, and that everyone else who has a disagreement with you is automatically wrong.

'''Chris:''' Well, to correct you, I never thought that I was perfect! I am imperfect, for a few reasons...

'''Alec:''' You still think that you're better than everyone else.

'''Chris:''' And one of which is definitely the high-functioning autism.

'''Alec:''' Well, what, what the hell does autism have to do with you being a bad person?

'''Chris:''' No, I was just saying, that's one reason why I'm not perfect.

'''Alec:''' So if not for autism, you think you would be perfect? Do you really think autism is your only flaw? I don't think...

'''Chris:''' No, I have a lot of other flaws, I know that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I don't think autism... Of all of your flaws, I don't think autism...

'''Chris:''' But I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's, I'm just saying that is one of my flaws that makes me not perfect. I am not perfect, I never said that. I have never said that I was perfect.

'''Alec:''' You imply it by suggesting that Evan and I are evil people who, who made you kill Simonla, because she was yours! Gah, okay, now I'm really pissed off, Chris. I'm mad at you. Because, why... How many years have you been pissing and moaning at people about your copyrights, your precious Sonichu copyrights? But you don't give a shit about Evan's copyright, or my copyright, or anyone else. You just take whatever you want, and you act like you're in the right by doing so. Why do you do that?

'''Chris:''' Hm. [''mumbles''] Why do I do that... [''long pause''] Hm. Mm. Hm.

'''Alec:''' You have no response, do you?

'''Chris:''' I'm thinking! Can I think? Sometimes my mind's a little slow.

'''Alec:''' You've had, like, how many years of worrying about copyright?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I would think you would be a master of copyright law by now, considering how important it is to you. I would think you would know copyright laws backward and forward.

'''Chris:''' I am not as knowledgeable as a copyright lawyer.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... Let's change the subject a little bit. What's up with that, your [[Christian Love Day]] video?

'''Chris:''' Because, because it was my birthday, I was just making a stand against the trolls. And the internet bullies.

'''Alec:''' What stand?

'''Chris:''' That I'm not gonna be let-, that I'm not going to be thrust down by the likes of which... And I'm going to continue on.

'''Alec:''' You... You kinda just... I recognized that speech you used, you just took that from ''Independence Day''.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You took that speech from...

'''Chris:''' I did not take...

'''Alec:''' Chris, that speech, that "We will not go down without a fight" speech, that was... That was lifted directly from, uh, ''Independence Day''. Remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine.

'''Alec:''' So you can't even write your own speech?

'''Chris:''' I can write my own speech! But he, I let my friend do it for me.

'''Alec:''' Well, why do you think that your birthday should be a holiday in the first place?

'''Chris:''' Well, it, well, once, when it is a, it is a holiday in Mexico. They should be equally important holidays in America.

'''Alec:''' It's, okay, it's Mexican Flag Day. In Mexico. Mexico has, I dunno, what, like 40 million citizens, something like that? So, are you really saying that Mexican Flag Day is no more important than your birthday? Should 40 million Americans, or more, be celebrating your birthday?

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I am not saying that.

'''Alec:''' You said that your birthday should be of equal importance to Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' I'm just saying...

'''Alec:''' Well, I was wrong, I just, I just looked it up, Mexico is actually like 110 million people. I was way off. Okay, so, your birthday is more important than 110 million Mexicans.

'''Chris:''' I never said that. And I never said that anybody should celebrate my birthday on that day.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, your first response when I asked you, like 90 seconds ago, I asked you, "Why should your birthday be a holiday?" And you said, "Well, it's a holiday in Mexico, therefore it should be of equal importance in America." That is exactly what you said.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it's what you're thinking. You think that, you think that Mexican Flag day is just, not even good enough, right?

'''Chris:''' Well, it can be better.

'''Alec:''' It can be better?! It's a day for 110 million Mexicans to celebrate the freedom of their country!

'''Chris:''' And that, and that celebration could be, celeb-, could be accepted in America.

'''Alec:''' Well, why? Why would Americans celebrate Mexico's history? Americans have the fourth of July, that's when we celebrate our history. We have Flag Day too, like June 16 I think?

'''Chris:''' That's about, uh, I think that's about right.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. So we already have a Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' But still, I mean, we have these, we have the, the Messicans in America.

'''Alec:''' And I'm sure they can celebrate Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So, we should accept that and, and maybe celebrate as well in like a congratulatory way for them.

'''Alec:''' Well, then why wasn't your video, um, about Mexican Flag Day, instead of this made-up Christian Love Day?

'''Chris:''' My idea behind Christian Love Day is, like, the possibility of a second Valentine's Day.

'''Alec:''' It's like 10 days after the real Valentine's Day. Why would we need another Valentine's so soon?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] It's like we need more, it's like we need more reminders to love and care about each other.

'''Alec:''' Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, sponsored by corporations to sell shitty gift cards and disgusting fake sugar candies. It's not about love. It's just a stupid corporate holiday. If you want, if you want to really celebrate love, you can do it at any time. You don't need a holiday.

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|V5UxfjkaIsA}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' It's to help us, help remind us to do so constant-, on a more constant basis.

'''Alec:''' Okay, so why your birthday? Why your birthday, of all the days in the year, why would you choose your birthday for this particular holiday? Unless it was about celebrating yourself.

'''Chris:''' Because it feels right.

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "it feels right"?

'''Chris:''' It feels like a good dr-, a good day to celebrate something.

'''Alec:'''Yeah. Like Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, Chris, just admit that you just want... You really think that you're so important, that you're so saintly and perfect, that you think your birthday should be a holiday. Just admit that to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, I am not saintly or perfect.

'''Alec:''' But you think that you're such an important person that your birthday should be a holiday. Admit it. It's about your ego.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I partially agree with you on that, but it's actually a lot more than just quote unquote ego.

'''Alec:''' What, what more could it be?

'''Chris:''' I am not sure right now because I cannot come up with the right, with the right ans-, with appropriate answer for that.

'''Alec:''' Well then, well then you shouldn't be trying to create a holiday... Chris, you shouldn't really be trying to do anything until after you've come up with a logical reason to do it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay well...

'''Alec:''' Countless times, countless times I've asked you why you do things, and you fall back on, "I'm not sure, it felt right." Or you use your emotions as an excuse, like when you brutally murdered me and Evan and Mao and Sean in your, in your sham mock trial. You know, [''mocking voice''] "because you were still angry about the ads!" Let's go back to that...

'''Chris:''' And another thing...

'''Alec:''' What, what other thing?

'''Chris:''' What, how you portray me and my, and my electric hedgehogs, even in a parodic way, as a, as a, as definitely mentally retarded for one characteristic.

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Chris, how many times have you...

'''Chris:''' And then brutally killing, killing us off like you did...

'''Alec:''' You brutally killed me.

'''Chris:''' And then, and selling, and sexually expliciting us like that.

'''Alec:''' Sexually ex-

'''Chris:''' Where you said all that first.

'''Alec:''' Oh, so that makes it okay for you to do anything? Chris, how many times... Okay, okay, you accuse me of making a parody, and I can't even begin to count the number of times I told you Asperchu's not a parody, but you accuse me of making a parody like it's such an evil thing, um, how many times have you fallen back on describing Sonichu as a parody of Sonic and Pikachu, when people ask you? And when you do it, it's a good thing, you use it as a defense against attacks by Nintendo and Sega and other companies. Why is it, when you think someone else is parodying you, um, shit hits the fan? Why is that, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, you have por-, you definitely have portrayed a sense of retardedness and stupidity and even worse in that sense. And then used, that came from me and my pages, and the videos, and put them in your book. Like, you definitely drew a dildo and a sports bra as among one of the things, as among two things that Asperchu was digging out of his chest in the first book.

'''Alec:''' Have you ever seen ''Team America''? You remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Yep. Yeah, I've seen that movie.

'''Alec:''' Did you like it?

'''Chris:''' It was okay.

'''Alec:''' You remember how they made Matt Damon retarded in that movie?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Well, they did.

'''Chris:''' Some of, some of those jokes do not hit me right away because they're not that, they're not that obvious to me. Or I don't know what's about the context of it. Like for example, the recent new ''Family Guy'' where Chris dates the Down's Syndrome girl, and then apparently the joke where she says "I'm the daughter of a former Alaskan...something."

'''Alec:''' Governor. It was Sarah Palin, Chris. It was about her.

'''Chris:''' Former Alaskan Senator, that was it.

'''Alec: ''' No, it was the governor.

'''Chris:''' But yeah, it was supposed to be, it was, I learned in an article in today's ''Washington Post'' that, uh, that apparently it was meant as an attack on Sarah Parin, and I did not know that when I first heard that.

'''Alec:''' Sarah P-A-L-I-N, actually.

'''Chris:''' But I was, at least I was, that was a general statement.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um, we're getting off on a wild tangent here. My question is, why is parody such a bad thing to you? When other people do it.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I do not understand half the question. Why is parody blind to me...?

'''Alec:''' Why do you think parody is bad when other people do it?

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

'''Chris:''' That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

'''Alec:''' It makes you feel better?! Chris, you're an adult, you really want people to kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, not all the time.

'''Alec:''' Why can't you learn to deal with...

'''Chris:''' I don't want, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like constant abuse.

'''Alec:''' What constant abuse?

'''Chris:''' And torment and slanders and cursings.

'''Alec:''' Oh, what torment and slander and cursing? Hey, Chris, okay, okay, you don't like slander? What about all the lies you've told about me? What about, okay, remember a while ago you made a video trying to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|hypnotize people into hating Asperchu]]? Like you spoke in backwards Spanish or something? Remember when you cursed me with the death threats?

'''Chris:''' And I apologized for that.

'''Alec:''' No, no, no, no, not, no, you're not getting away with that bullshit excuse this time, Chris. Okay? You can't just do things, do horrible things, and then offer a fake apology afterwards. That's not okay. That's not what apology is. You know, you claim to be a Christian, this is really, do you really think this is what God wants his children to do?

'''Chris:''' Hm. You're right, it is not something that, uh, God would like.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, you're not a Christian.

'''Chris:''' [''shifts to a grim, offended tone''] I am a Christian. I am a baptized practicing Methodist...

'''Alec:''' No, no you're not. You don't practice... Baptism doesn't mean shit. You don't even try to practice what Christianity teaches.

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, I don't have a total understanding of all the rules, and, uh...

'''Alec:''' Well, you can't be a very good Christian if you don't understand the rules.

'''Chris:''' Of course, there's a whole lots of, to memorize, and, and it's...

'''Alec:''' [''mockingly''] Yeah, religion is hard, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' ...and, what is, God does want, one of the things God wants us to do is not to worry about every single detail.

'''Alec:''' But you worry about every single... Oh, no, no, okay, no, that's not how it works. God wants you to follow the rules that he lays down. God wants you to try to be a good person. You don't even try to be a good person. You are completely selfish, and you do whatever you want, and you demand that other people go out of your way for you, to do things as you want them to. And then when someone starts pestering you, you offer a superficial apology and hope that smooths it all over. And then you draw a comic, you know, negating even that simple apology, where you threaten people and murder them in your comic. Thereby proving that you were just lying to the person who, you know, thought that you actually understood the point he was trying to get across. God condemns lying, you know.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Admit that you lied to me when you said, when you agreed with me that you didn't have a right to use Simonla. Admit that you have always believed that Simonla is yours.

 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I'll admit...that.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Okay, good, so all of our previous calls were just lies, then.

'''Chris:''' Not, no, not, no, they actually happened.

'''Alec:''' Yes, they happened, Chris, but your responses were lies. I know the phone calls happened in reality.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Anyway, uh, let me get back, anyway, uh, I don't mean to be all, but I want to get back to an early, to the earlier topic about, uh, what's wrong with you making a parody of a parody. Okay, well, okay, well, take a cue from what they did in one episode of ''Robot Chicken''.

'''Alec:''' I don't watch ''Robot Chicken'', so this reference means nothing to me.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, anyway, anyway, anyway, one...

'''Alec:''' Try explaining it to me without the use of TV references.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Consider a remake of a remake of an original movie! That was original as a blockbuster.

'''Alec:''' Okay... What about it? What about a remake of a remake?

'''Chris:''' It's not very good.

'''Alec:''' Sometimes they are. Sometimes remakes are better. Did you see the new ''Dawn of the Dead''? That was way better than the George Romero shit.

'''Chris:''' I have not, I have not seen either, I have not seen either ''Dawn of the Dead''.

'''Alec:''' You probably shouldn't, 'cause there's gore in it, and I know how much you hate that.

'''Chris:''' I don't mind, I don't mind gore, up to a certain point.

'''Alec:''' Well, obviously, given how gory your murder of me was. But, okay, I'm still having a little trouble understanding why, um, parody is okay when you do it, but not okay when someone else does it.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Hm.

'''Alec:''' Because you proudly proclaim Sonichu to be a parody, but at the same time you accuse other people of doing parodies like they're doing a bad thing.

'''Chris:''' [''more stalling''] Hm. Okay, well, think about this. How about if somebody did a parody to Asperchu?

'''Alec:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' And made him look even more stupid and more retarded, and actually brutally killed him in all the blood and gory detail! Or had him sexually raped in a prison cell of all dudes! How would you feel if you saw that?

'''Alec:''' Uh, I don't think I'd give a shit, honestly. I mean, if it was well-done, I might kinda laugh at it. If it was meant to be a funny parody. See, I don't take myself completely, I don't take myself completely seriously like you do. I can laugh at my own foibles and I can laugh at the foibles of my comic. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That is...a theory, yes. Though I am not one hundred per-, I'll, that is, a, a previous...

'''Alec:''' So you don't really agree with it, though? You don't think imitation is ever a good thing?

'''Chris:''' Not one hundred percent.

'''Alec:''' Because Sonichu's an imitation of Sonic. Then you must agree that Sonichu is a good thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, because it was, because it was originally meant in a positive light. But then I get all the inputs from the trolls and all that on the internets, and then that just plain ticks me off.

'''Alec:''' Okay, if the guy who created Sonic, I don't know what his name is, but if he came along and discovered your Sonichu comic, he would probably-

'''Chris:''' [''burps'']

'''Alec:''' -See that at least half of it is just you attacking trolls... I mean, the comic's not even really about Sonichu. It's about you, and it's about your war against trolls.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's to be undone because, because I, because I have just, after I finish with book number 10 I will be making less appearances in the book...

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|tJBHkJpv6B4}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = current
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:'''-in the books, and then, and now it will be more about Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Are you gonna do that reboot that we talked about?

'''Chris:''' There will be a form of a reboot, yes.

'''Alec:''' Why did you do these pages, then, if you're gonna do a reboot?

'''Chris:''' I mean, I mean, if I'm gonna be making less appearances in the comics, I figure I may as well let myself go out with a bang.

'''Alec:''' Um, no, no, Chris, Chris, I explained to you, a reboot is a complete restart. What happens in the reboot will have nothing to do with the comics that you've made thus far. And you know, you said you had like 30 pages, you only uploaded like...16.

'''Chris:''' That was the amount I had to complete number, book number 10. And the book is completed.

'''Alec:''' You said you had like 30 pages.

'''Chris:''' Well, right now I just wanted to get book number 10 out of the way.

'''Alec:''' But you said you were going to have like 30 pages up on your birthday.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So you went back on your word again.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Well, I overestimated myself!

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "overestimated"? You said you had like 30 drawn and ready to be Photoshopped.

'''Chris:''' Well, just accept the fact that I had, I finished book number 10, and I had them all ready for Photoshop, and I uploaded them.

'''Alec:''' You know, if you have a deadline with a publisher and they're expecting 30 pages by a certain date, and you come to them and say, "Oh, yeah, here's 16 pages," they're not gonna be happy with you.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' And you didn't even upload them on your birthday, you uploaded them today. The day after. People who miss deadlines don't get paid.

'''Chris:''' Well, I had computer troubles.

'''Alec:''' Of course you had...

'''Chris:''' And I had to go out, and I had to go with my family to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday.

'''Alec:''' Sonichu is your job, Chris!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] That's another thing, you put them in the perspective of like, he's my job, it just makes me feel...

'''Alec:''' Well, you intend to make your huge money-making franchise, right? So yes, he is your job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah! And you don't take your job seriously!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, but you see, with that belief, with that definition, in the mentality of an artist, when the thing was originally supposed to be a work of art and creativity, then it just cheapens it.

'''Alec:''' Um, well, then, I could say it cheapened it when you started saying you intended to publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So what you're telling me now is, you have no intention of ever making money off Sonichu. Because if it is just a work of art for its own sake, that's fine. But you keep promising, you know, deadlines that you miss, and you keep saying you're gonna publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Do you not want to make money off Sonichu anymore?

'''Chris:''' No, I would like to make money off of Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Well, okay. You're cheapening it, then, it's not a work of art anymore.

'''Chris:''' Because I had too many influx from bad people like the trolls!

'''Alec:''' What the hell do trolls have to do with it, Chris?

'''Chris:''' And also from, and also from...

 '''Alec:'''I have you as a troll, and my comic kept going just fine.

 '''Chris:''' And also from...

'''Alec:''' And how do trolls control what goes in the comic? Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] It's when they really tick me off, and then it just, it just, it's like putting, [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|it's like putting poison into the water supply]].

'''Alec:''' Why do you keep responding to trolls, then?

'''Chris:''' [''mega-sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And another thing, you have a really broad definition of "trolls," it seems. Because you think that people that ask you questions you don't like in your Mailbag are trolls. You think homosexual people are trolls just for existing, because you want to cure gays.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I think the ironic thing there is, gays would probably consider you a troll. Because you want to destroy their identity when they haven't done anything to you.

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh'']

'''Alec:''' You think I'm a troll, and I've been trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry, sometimes things are, I have been trying to collaborate, I get misunderstood often, and it just really makes me feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm being misunder-

[''Call cuts off'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|nextlink=Current|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTkyWTduZ0JXOXc The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ae7T05cIJQ YouTube Version: Part 1]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2013-12-23T22:57:59Z

Duncans Construction: /* Part 3 */

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8''' is the eighth and the second to last of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 18 February 2010.

==Summary==
Alec calls Chris, at the latter's request, to discuss the inclusion of [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] in the [[CWCipedia]] ad space. Chris, naturally, wants the pages taken down, but Alec explains the many ways in which Chris reneged on their earlier agreement concerning the removal of Asperpedia's ads. From there, the conversation spirals out into a lengthy discussion of Chris's laziness, hypocrisy, bigotry, and dishonesty, until [[stress]] finally overwhelms him and he refuses to continue.

Some of Chris's strangest psychological issues find prominent display here. For instance, his difficulty accepting the fact that his fictional characters are exactly that - fictional - leads to a bizarre passage where Alec is able to swamp him with guilt regarding the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]]. It takes several minutes for Chris to come up with a partial admission that his characters don't actually have a life of their own. Chris's repetition of the idiom "killing people left and right" suggests a very minor [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]]. Chris likes idioms.

Chris's fear of [[homos]]exuals seems to remain in effect, despite his recent claims of a change of heart on the subject. While at one point Chris says he now "sees them in a more positive light," he apparently still wants to see all the homos vaccinated and turned into decent, honest straight people. Chris claims that this will save them from going to hell, but he's unable to cite any scriptural or other basis for this belief. Alec points out that Chris is unfairly stereotyping homosexuals in the same way other people might stereotype autistics, a point that was likely lost on Chris two or three minutes after Alec made it.

On more everyday topics, Chris claims to be spending some time lately cleaning up his family's [[14 Branchland Court|disaster area of a house]], although there's as yet no corroborating evidence to confirm this. Of course, he describes simple household maintenance tasks in tones most people usually reserve for the torments of the damned. He also claims to have some 30 pages of his comic in the works for publication on his birthday, February 24, but can't come up with a decent explanation for why he wouldn't upload at least some of those pages sooner and maintain a more regular update schedule. (In the end, he managed to upload only 20 of the promised pages, and they arrived a day late.)

Eventually, just as in their [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|previous phone call]], Alec's comments become ever-so-slightly pointed, which is enough to drive Chris into a full-speed retreat. He manages to muster a polite goodbye instead of simply hanging up, but he is clearly in no mood to face any more harsh reality.

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|sesY5V_WA1A}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Hi Alec.

'''Alec:''' So uh, [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec, but Alec wins''] I got your e-mail, uh, looks like you want to talk. What's, uh, what's up?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, uh, just to let you know that I'm uh, that I'm in the middle of dinner right now so we'll have to make this short. But, ahh, yeah, I am a bit, uh, concerned that you have continued with the, ahh, oversized ads on the [[CWCipedia]]... I mean those- the smaller banner ads- that was that was okay. I would have accepted that- I would have accepted that on a daily basis. But, no, you had to add- you had to go and... [''Alec begins to talk over Chris'']

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' add-

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' a whole-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' page-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Alec:''' You asked me to call you... *right* at 9:30 and when I do, you're [[obesity|eating dinner?]]

[''Alec sounds understandably annoyed.'']

'''Chris:''' Well, I wasn't sure, because I'm...

'''Alec:''' What are you eating?

'''Chris:''' I'm having some chicken.

'''Alec:''' I- ugh. Chris, [[Chris and his ego|if you're going to ask someone to go out of their way for you for something you should probably... actually allow them to do so and not act like you are inconvenienced when they do.]] That's just a suggestion. But I-

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' But I- well... I-I-I think [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec for this whole sentence''] maybe, if you actually want to have a serious discussion- that's why I called... but... maybe let the chicken wait until we're done with our call, how about that? Cuz' I don't like calling you only to hear that you have something else to do even though this is the exact time you told me to call.

'''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' So. So. So, why don't we have our talk, and maybe the chicken will get cold, but you can microwave it when we're done.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So we had the understanding that we were not going to go back to the oversize ads again.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Okay, well, I can explain that. Do you remember how I told you that if you met my requirements exactly, I would remove the ads, but if you failed to meet my requirements, the ads would get worse? Do you remember when I said that to you?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes...I...that...

'''Alec:''' So you failed to meet my requirements. You did meet Evan's requirements, apparently. Evan is happy with you, and I'm proud of you for doing that, because Evan is, he's satisfied that you killed Simonla. However, I am not Evan, and I had different requirements than Evan.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, why are you not satisfied?

'''Alec:''' Mm. Well, there's a few reasons. First and foremost, you did not state all of the things that I told you to in your apology video. Like how Sonichu cannot make money in its current form and is a doomed franchise and you will need to start over with something original. You made no mention of that. Already. Next, your last apology video was... Well, "insincere" is kind of too lenient, if I called it that. It was just, it was just insulting. I mean, you obviously felt absolutely no remorse whatsoever. Even though you swore up and down to me when I talked to you that you did. But I'm pretty sure you just wanted to finish the phone call, and you thought that you could just read things off a list and that would please me. Oh, and then you hung up on me, I think like five or six times.

'''Chris:''' And I did, the last one I did apologize for that in the e-mail I sent you.

'''Alec:''' Um, but you hung up on me multiple times. Chris, I think that you believe, I think you believe that if you do something wrong and then you offer a superficial apology, you believe that gives you license to just do it all over again. You know, that's not what apology is about, right?

'''Chris:''' That is not what apologies are about.

'''Alec:''' Okay. And the reason you hung up on me is because you were trying to avoid me. You were trying to just brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I will admit that, the last one, and I apologize for that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. So, if you want that apology to mean anything, then in the future, including this call, and if we talk again, you are actually going to have to stick to that word and not ever again attempt to brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' That make sense? Now. Let's talk about those ads for a bit. If you notice, they really aren't ads for Asperpedia anymore. What I started, I started a new comic, called [[Sonichu Revolution]]. And that's actually what I'm using the adspace for. And what Sonichu Revolution is, it's actually, it's like a reboot of Sonichu, see, since you aren't uploading pages I thought I would do a nice thing for your fans and use my ad space to keep your fans happy.

'''Chris:''' [''has been trying to interrupt''] Well, no, I am, I am doing the pages now. Listen, your comic pages, they should, they should stay on your website, your website alone. I do not want your pages on my website that only shows my pages.

'''Alec:''' Oh, it's kinda too bad that I bought ad space on your website, when I gave you multiple opportunities to get out of me having web space, er, ad space on your website. You didn't take them. I can do what I want with my ad space.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' How many times did I, was I gracious enough to give you an extremely easy way out of all of this?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, not sure. Define, define "easy."

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, by "easy" I mean, how many times did I lay out a very clear, very specific set of requirements that I had of you, and where I promised that if you followed those requirements, exactly, then I would remove all my ads and I would do my best to stop Evan from, you know, attempting to sue you. Evan's, you know, in the past, he's happy now, but my ads are still an issue. And you know, I asked you to be sincere about the apology, which you never were.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, just to let you know, okay, well, I understand for, yes, uh, you did offer me with, you did tell me very descriptively, very detailed-ly, what you wanted, a number of times. I'm gonna est-, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna estimate like about five to 10 times at this point. Because we have not talked over the phone that much. For maybe 20, or 20 minutes, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, we've talked... Well, it's not quite that high. I think three or four times I specifically laid everything out for you.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, well, okay, at this point, yeah. An overbid is a good estimate.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one. So yeah, multiple times I gave you opportunities to, you know, to handle the situation and to come out scot-free. And, if I remember correctly, I did talk about how you are the luckiest person in the world, to have competition like me, who would be so generous and go out of his way to help his competition. I mean, a lot of other companies would have just blown you out of the water and not thought twice about it. But, you know, I like Sonichu, or I used to like it, back when you actually updated it, and I know that it does have some fans still and I wanted to see it continue. Because I don't want to just take over everything. I don't want to be the only artist out there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That's not fun. You kind of want to be the only artist in existence, I don't know why you want that. Why do you want that, anyway? Why do you not want other artists to exist?

'''Chris:''' Um, I never said, I never said that I did not want other artists to...

'''Alec:''' Well, you said it with your actions, if not with words directly.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, maybe...

'''Alec:''' I think we talked about that one time. Actions are louder than words, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, perhaps my actions were misunderstood in this case...

'''Alec:''' Ooh, not misunderstood in the least! Oh, no, your actions are very clear. You slandered and smeared me as much as you possibly could. You put all of your effort into trashing me rather than building up your own comic. There's... If you can convince me there's some way to misunderstand that, then you know, by all means try, but as far as I could see that was a pretty clear message. It's hard to misunderstand that, it's hard to misunderstand, you know, you repeatedly hanging up on me.

'''Barbara:''' [''Distant background''] Who are you on the phone with? [''She continues to occasionally make background noise'']

'''Chris:''' I know, I...

'''Alec:''' You've been out of commission for like three weeks, you haven't done shit for your fans. When are you going to come back with your comic?

'''Chris:''' I, I am, I, I still, I am, I have been working on my comic, for your information. I am up to pages in book number 11 where I have drawn that far, and I'm about halfway colored through all those pages which I drew up.

'''Alec:''' How many pages is that?

'''Chris:''' That's over 30 now.

'''Alec:''' Over 30. Really. How many days since you started that particular 30 pages.

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-ev6J9eodMU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:'''Has it been, like, what, two weeks? 15 days, around there?

'''Chris:''' Around there.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uh... I'm not really sure if asking this is going to be useful, but why would you partially complete 30 pages instead of, say, completing and uploading 20 pages? Or 25?

'''Chris:''' That would hap-, that would happen to make up for lost time on on my birthday, which is this coming, which is the next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what about your birthday? What are you going to do with it?

'''Chris:''' I'm going to upload all those, all those, all those pages, all the main pages in a bundle, in a bunch, on my birthday, which is next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, until then I think I'll just keep uploading Sonichu Revolution, because I want to please your fans, even if you don't. Chris, why, why would you...

'''Chris:''' I gave my new, I put up a new page yesterday as well. The last page I had...

'''Alec:''' So that... That, yep, I saw that, actually, that one page, plus I think you had two pages where you killed Simonla, so that's three pages total in like three weeks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, anyways...

'''Alec:''' I do two pages a day. That means I've uploaded, in the past 15 days I've uploaded 30 pages of my own. And it's... When's your birthday, like eight days from now? So I'll have another 16 pages up, so that's 46 pages...

'''Chris:''' Well, you are, you are mistaken, we're not talking about, we're not talking about eight days, my birthday is on the 24th. Of February.

'''Alec:''' Oh. My mistake. So six days. Well, I'll have 12 new pages by then. In addition to the 30 I've already uploaded.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, I didn't know when your birthday was.

'''Chris:''' Well, it's specifically stated on the, on my bio page on the CWCipedia, and in a couple other places. The 24th of February. 1982.

'''Alec:''' Hey, Chris. Chris. When is my birthday?

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I do not study your bio, I did not study your bio page...

'''Alec:''' Well, Chris, Chris, it's on my bio page on the Asperpedia. Why wouldn't you know it?

'''Chris:''' Well, I did not make an effort to study you, because...

'''Alec:''' I mean, if I'm supposed to know your page, don't you know mine? Chris, I'm kinda hurt.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I apologize for that, and after we're done here I'll go to your bio page and learn, and learn with my mind when your birthday is.

'''Alec:''' Nah, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. I'd rather you work on pages than go look up info about me. Because, you know, I actually don't know your birthday because I've been working on my pages rather than, you know, looking up your bio. Um, yeah, so, I do really have to recommend that you, um, begin uploading those 30 pages immediately. Like as soon as we're done with the call or whatever. It, just, get to work on it. Stay up all night if you have to. Get those pages up. Because, here's the thing about the way fans work. If you leave your fans in the dark for a week or two weeks or a month or however long, it really doesn't matter if you're partially completing something. Because if you don't put out any product, then your fans have nothing to work with. Have you ever heard of the game [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, you said Duke Nukem Forever?

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Well, you know the Duke Nukem video games? You ever played any of those?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I have seen, I have seen samples of that game.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Well, the company that made those, they were working on a game called Duke Nukem Forever. That was going to be their next great title. And they were working on that for actually about 15 years. And they kept promising, "Oh, you know, we've got the engine built, we've got the characters designed, we've got all this built, all that's left is for us to release it." And they never released it because they kept retooling and tinkering with it. And finally the company actually went out of business. So now there won't ever be any other Duke Nukems. And if you keep doing the same thing, Sonichu is going to go out of business. Well, not permanently, because I have Sonichu Revolution, so it'll live on in some form.

'''Chris:''' Well, yes, well, your, yes, well, still, your Rev-, your Revolutions are not the original, are not the original Sonichu pages, of which only I can draw up and tell.

'''Alec:''' But what they are is existent. And the fans appreciate that. Your pages are nonexistent.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And if you stop Sonichu, then, you know, the fans are going to want something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I get, well, don't worry, you will see, you will see, all those pages, and the completion of the 10th book.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, does this mean...

'''Chris:''' In fact, it's a...

'''Alec:''' I'm a little, I'm a little confused, how, what, do you remember when I told you... Well, of course you remember, I brought it up plenty of times, about how you really need to either do some sort of major reboot of Sonichu, or else just come up with a completely different comic? Because of all of the elements that you stole from other franchises? Are you still thinking about that? Because if you're going to finish book 10, then...

'''Chris:''' I have been thinking about that, actually.

'''Alec:''' What do you think about it?

'''Chris:''' Some of those, some of those changes will be talked about in the clip show that's gonna be in book 11.

'''Alec:''' Um... So, is book 11 gonna be like a transition from the current Sonichu to another one?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, yes, a transitions.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Oo-kay. Um, well, that's not really what a reboot is about. See, what you're doing, like a transition, suggests that the Sonichu that exists now is going to be, like, part of the same universe or world as whatever new Sonichu. What a reboot is, is a hard stop. You reset completely. You start over from scratch. Everything that came before is just, means nothing, it's null and void. Like, for example, the Spider-Man movies, they aren't in the same world as the comic, they were sort of a reboot. Because they told everything over from the beginning.

'''Chris:''' Hm. I see.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I mean, I know it's... I can sympathize with you on this. I mean, you've been working on Sonichu for 10 years now, and the thought that you have to abandon it completely and start over with something new, I understand that that's kind of a scary thought. But it is true.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Have you, have you, uh... What do you think of Sonichu Revolution, by the way? Have you been reading it? I'm only like seven pages in right now, so...

'''Chris:''' I have taken a look at it, and I did not like the way you were killing characters left and right! That's no good, it's just terrible! Don't go killing, don't go killing, don't go killing characters, that just does not, that just, that just does not, that just does not work. It's like...

'''Alec:''' Chris...

'''Chris:''' It's like doing Zombie X-Men, [[Wikipedia:Marvel Zombies|Marvel Zombies]].

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I remember that. That was actually a pretty popular comic, wasn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's actually on the [[PlayStation Network]] digital comic download, only on the [[PSP]] right now.

'''Alec:''' Well, I've seen it in stores, though. Well, it was pretty popular, was my point.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, that's, anyway, that's the point. That's still, like, you know, killing, you're just like killing everybody left and right. It's not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, how many, how many comic books and TV shows and movies and, you know, whatever other media have you seen where characters die? Do you think they're all bad?

'''Chris:''' Yes, well, well, yeah, they are bad, because that's just totally fake. And plus, to do it in such a gory way is just terrifying. It's like any, it's like any of the [[Saw]] movies. It's especially like, especially like the first trap in Saw VI.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies?

'''Chris:''' That was horrifying.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies, Chris? The Saw movies?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I liked them, I mean I enjoyed the falling, the telling...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] You liked them? But there's death in it! How could you like a movie that has death in it, Chris?! Death is bad. You said death is bad.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm not talking about...

'''Alec:''' Death is bad.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm not talking about the death part, I did not say I liked the death parts, I liked the building of the character of John Kramer. In the movies.

'''Alec:''' But the point is, you still liked the movies overall, right? I mean, you went to see them, you'd probably see them again?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, they were hor-, yeah, I mean, I will admit they are horrifying, and they do frighten me, but think about, but think about, think about...

'''Alec:''' Hence the genre, horror, if it's horrifying it's doing its job, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, but I mean, still, that's Hollywood magic, you know, that's, you know, the people, the actors in those movies are still, are still alive and well, they just...

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, right, I forgot, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|because comic characters are real people]] and apparently I'm guilty of, of multiple homicide now? Chris, you, remember when you killed [[Simonla]] because we strong-armed you into it, because you refused to do it willingly? Are you guilty of homicide now? Because you killed Simonla?

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|x9jVhBBZRVk}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' No, actually, that would, actually, you could blame the Voltorb that was placed by the toilet, placed by the toilet that exploded. Because the Voltorb exploded, it blew up the...

'''Alec:''' Chris, you drew the Voltorb. You drew the Voltorb! Chris, you knew Simonla was going to die! You knew there was going to be a Voltorb there and you did nothing to stop it! You are an accessory to murder! Who cares if someone else placed it? You knew, of course you knew she was going to die because I've been telling you for weeks to kill her.

'''Chris:''' You're, you're, well, read, yeah, well, read the pages after I put 'em, after I put 'em all up and you will see that there is, that there was, that it wasn't preventable. That there was a way that, it could not have been prevented. You will find out.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um... Did you see my page where [[Son-Chu]] killed himself? Did you see how depressed he was? I couldn't have prevented that. Sometimes people are so depressed that you just can't reach them. And it's tragic but, you know, sometimes people commit suicide because they believe there's just no way out for them.

'''Chris:''' I have a question for you.

'''Alec:''' Oh?

'''Chris:''' You said you like Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Why did you make him, why did you draw him killing himself?

'''Alec:''' Soni-

'''Chris:''' If you liked him you would not have done that!

'''Alec:''' I didn't draw Sonichu killing himself. I said Son-Chu, your car, your... I don't want to say "Autobot" 'cause that's trademarked, but...

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, excuse me, well, I misunderstood. Well, yeah, that was, that was wrong. I mean, that was like you're killing my vehicle, it's like you're making me have to pay, like...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting off Chris''] No, Chris, I didn't kill your, I didn't kill him. He committed suicide. He was depressed because he had a name that he hated, and all the other Autobots made fun of him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the Autobot, the Autobots do not make fun of each other for their names.

'''Alec:''' No, they make fun of Son-Chu. Chris! Look at what he says in that page! He says that he hates his name because it's not a strong, manly Autobot name. Why would he lie?

'''Chris:''' Well, it's only because you're, you're putting...

'''Alec:''' He had nothing to lie about, he had nothing to lose. He was gonna kill himself.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I did not, I'm not the one that drew, that drew my car, my Autobot, to say that. I did not. You did that, pretending to be me, in a sense.

'''Alec:''' I wasn't pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' You were pretending to be...

'''Alec:''' Chris, look up at the page. Do you see on the comic page where it says "Copyright 2010 Alec Benson Leary"? I'm pretty sure that shows that I was not pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, you have no right, you have no right in killing a character that was originally mine, and that I have never said, have never said personally, had died. When a character dies, I will let every, I will let everybody know myself. Anybody else who, who makes up, who says outside of my jurisdiction, it's just a whole bunch of bogus baloney.

'''Alec:''' Well, maybe I can say it's a parody, and that'll make it okay, right? If Sonichu Revolution is a parody? Would that be okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It would?

'''Chris:''' I would accept that, yeah. And plus, don't make them so big. Maybe like three quarters of the current size, three quarters.

'''Alec:''' No. Nah. Then no one can read the text. I'm not gonna make it smaller, it's kinda hard to read the text already.

'''Chris:''' You should have those pages on your Asperpedia! People could just go over there and read them for themselves.

'''Alec:''' Um, but the whole point of Sonichu Revolution is to make up for your lack of updates. Why would I put it on my Asperpedia? That defeats the purpose. I, I'm...

'''Chris:''' But, but you're just...

'''Alec:''' I'm keeping the fans there for you, Chris!

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing...

'''Alec:''' You could thank me once.

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing those pages, not me.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, that's right, I'm drawing the pages. You're not drawing anything. Or you say you are, but we have no proof.

'''Chris:''' I am, I, you're wrong, I have been drawing the pages, and I have been coloring them.

'''Alec:''' But you're not uploading them.

'''Chris:''' Because I have, because I'm too busy working on the, working on coloring after I have drawn them all up! And plus, I have real life things, like I have to go hang, like I have to hang out with my family. I have errands to run...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting him off''] Chris! Take a guess, right, I want you to guess...

'''Chris:''' And plus...

'''Alec:''' Between, Chris, no, Chris! I want you to guess, between one and 10, how many hours did I spend in school yesterday? Take a guess, right now.

'''Chris:''' How many hours you spent in school yesterday...

'''Alec:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' The average of 10.

'''Alec:''' That's right. I spent 10 hours in school yesterday. I also uploaded a page of Sonichu Revolution yesterday.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, what about your job? You have your job as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. What about my job? I upload pages while I have a job and school. So what about my job?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you got all your, you're spending your time there as well.

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, well, I admit, I'm not sure really what the point I was trying to make there, I lost my train of thought.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, yeah. It's true that, yes, I spend a lot of time in school, and a lot of time at my job. And I, you know, and I have errands too. Not really for my family, I don't live with my family, but I do errands on my own.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright. Well, okay, well...

'''Alec:''' How much time... You've mentioned that several times, that you have to run errands for your family. Like, what do you have to do for them? What did you do yesterday? What... How... Like, are they having you break rocks with sledgehammers or something all day? Because you say it's like some huge, serious thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, they're old. I have to do chores for them. I have to do chores for them around the house. Like I had to even, I even shoveled snow to get the, to get the, to make a path for them and get the cars out. And my, and my car, it was stuck in, two front tires were stuck in their own dug grooves, and we finally, and finally got the car out of those two grooves today.

'''Alec:''' So you've been working on that solid, non-stop, just digging your car out? I mean... I live in Minnesota, you know, we get some bad snowstorms sometimes, and my car will just get completely buried in snow. And it might take me, like, in the worst-case scenario of storms, it might take me half an hour to dig enough snow out for my car to move. We usually don't get that much snow, though.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' You said some chores around your house, too, like besides shoveling. What else do you have to do?

'''Chris:''' I clean the kit-, I clean the kitchen, I do the, I vacuum, I move stuff around, I clean the bathroom as well, I do a lot of things around the house.

'''Alec:''' You kind of sound like you're talking to someone who has not seen that video [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of your house]] right now. And I want to let you know that I actually have seen it, so I'm pretty sure... [''Alec is interrupted by a rapid series of DTMF tones. Decoded so far: 3125632589632145896321258624231561523635832147413663574147236464''] Chris, can you hear me? Hello? Chris, are you pressing buttons? [''tones end'']

[''Note: Even though these calls are in one file, according to [[Clyde Cash]], Chris actually hung up on Alec at the end of the dial tones. Alec promptly called him back.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, Alec?

'''Alec:''' Hey, hey Chris, did we get disconnected there?

'''Chris:''' [[Lies|Yeah, 'fraid we did.]] It happens to me, between me and my, uh, gal-pal as well, in our conversations sometimes. Reception goes bad during this time of night.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Well, uh, glad I got you back. Okay, well, we were talking about, uh, the chores you need to do, I think, in your house. So you're saying you clean your house up?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Uh, okay, um... Have you cleaned your, cleaned your room at all?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do clean my room.

'''Alec:''' Mmm, how much do you clean it?

'''Chris:''' I clean my room like once a week.

'''Alec:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' O-kay. So, how long does it take when you do that? Because if you do that once a week, that's just, like, maintenance, shouldn't take too long.

'''Chris:''' It takes like two hours.

'''Alec:''' Two hours. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Alec:''' Um... How long does it take you to clean the rest of the house?

'''Chris:''' It takes me, it pretty much takes me one to two hours per room.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Okay. Like, what do you do when you clean? What specific stuff do you do?

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|jkjhKhoVEuU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' I move this, I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I take, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work, back-breaking!

'''Alec:''' Back-breaking.

'''Chris:''' Yes. My back hurts.

'''Alec:''' I hope you don't mean... Your back hurts from cleaning?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, after extensive long time, I mean, sure.

'''Alec:''' I thought you, I thought you were strong, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[I AM STRONG|I am strong]].

'''Alec:''' Why would your back just... How strong are you? Like... Because it seems the videos...

'''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm very strong. Believe me, I'm very strong.

'''Alec:''' Really. Like... Uh...

'''Chris:''' Anybody, anybody, anybody will tell you that, like, yeah, they, they just feel like they break their backbones after, after a very extensive time scrubbing the floors, getting up and down, as well.

'''Alec:''' You should get a Swiffer. Swiffer Wet-Jet, because then you can stand while you're scrubbing the floor. I use it, it's really useful.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' It's quick, too.

'''Chris:''' Well, we don't have it, we don't have that here.

'''Alec:''' Huh. Maybe you could sell some of those video games like I was talking about. Then you could afford one. Have you thought at all about selling any more of your, your games, Chris? Because...

'''Chris:''' No, I have no plans, I have no plans of that at the moment.

'''Alec:''' Why would you want to hold on to video games that you don't play anymore?

'''Chris:''' I do play them, when I feel nostalgic...

'''Alec:''' ALL of them? Chris, you've got... How many [[List of Chris's games|hundreds of games]] do you have? And you play all of them regularly? Is that what you're telling me?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Regularly, like... Yeah. Every, like, uh, I'd say, yeah, on a regular basis I do.

'''Alec:''' Every single one.

'''Chris:''' Yeah!

'''Alec:''' That must take, that must take a lot of time.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Is video-game-playing back-breaking too? Just out of curiosity? I wouldn't think it would be.

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, but it's one way for me to relax after I, after I have done the work of cleaning the room. Or shoveling the snow in the yard.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but you only clean once a week, and shoveling, that doesn't happen all the time. I know Virginia got a snowstorm recently, right, but that was kinda like a one-time thing.

'''Chris:''' That's, well, okay, well, just to correct you, I was not talking about cleaning period once a week, we're talking about cleaning my room once a week. And, and then, we have other, then, it's like, on another day I'll clean up the kitchen, and on another day I'll clean up the living room, on another day I'll clean up the, I'll clean up my parents' bedroom...

'''Alec:''' Chris, I've seen the video tour of your house.

'''Chris:''' That's like, that was, that was like, that was like over, that was like over a year ago.

'''Alec:''' Over a year ago. You really... You should film a new tour, then, actually, because people still think that your house is, you know, a mess like that.

'''Chris:''' I'll think, well, I'll consider that.

'''Alec:''' You really should, you know. It would be a good idea. Chris, here's, okay, here's what I don't get about you. There are so many things, like, you know, if your house is clean, you could just make a video and show people that. And if you've really been working on the pages, you could just upload them. And if, you know, if you wanted to prove to people that you have [[Nintendo]]'s permission to use [[Pikachu]], shit like that, you could just show them the letter that Nintendo sent you, that gives you permission. Why do you, why do you take the hard way through everything? Why do you want to keep receiving, you know, demands and questions about this and that subject when one little action on your part could just stop all of it?

'''Chris:''' Because for me it's not all that easy.

'''Alec:''' What's not easy about it? Like, okay, the Nintendo...

'''Chris:''' Because, I'll, I'll just, also [[Bob|my father]]'s [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|still very angry at me]] for doing the video touring the house over a year ago. And he's making me all mad, he's very angry...

'''Alec:''' Why, why, why was he angry about it? Just refresh my memory.

'''Chris:''' It's like an invasion of privacy?

'''Alec:''' How is it an invasion? You live there, I mean, it's your house, if you choose to upload a video, that's not an invasion of privacy. If you [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|try to videotape people without their consent]], that would be an invasion of privacy. But I don't think your parents were in that video.

'''Chris:''' You don't, you don't, you don't understand, I, and I forget all of the details my father said, but he's still very angry at me for doing, for having done that.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, I guess if you say he's angry then okay, that's that, but... Um, what about, um... Well, like the Nintendo thing. Couldn't you... Did Nintendo, like, write you a letter saying, you know, yes, go ahead and use Pikachu? Couldn't you just scan that and show that to people? 'Cause everybody...

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter.

'''Alec:''' You mis-, you misplaced it?

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That seems like a really important thing, how could you misplace that? And if you clean your house so regularly, I mean, it seems like you would find things that you had lost regularly.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It takes, yeah, moving, moving stuff, if I had, I had, I regularly look at stuff, and that, and it got misplaced that way.

'''Alec:''' I'm sure you could just actually call up Nintendo, because... I mean, that would be... You know, the legal department of a company keeps records of everything they do. They would be happy to just fax you or send you another copy of the letter.

'''Chris:''' I'll keep that in mind.

'''Alec:''' Businesses lose papers sometimes, and you know, that's why there's redundancy, that's why. And not only your fans, you know, but if you showed that letter publicly, then I couldn't demand that you admit Sonichu's a doomed franchise, now, could I? You wouldn't, you wouldn't even have to do the reboot? I mean, think about it. If either you, you know, reboot your entire comic that you've been working on for 10 years, that's one choice, or your other choice is, you just call up Nintendo and ask them to send another letter, and show it to everyone.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Destroy 10 years of personal hard labor, or show a letter.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well, I will think, I will, I will look, I will look into that later.

'''Alec:''' Um, okay. Um, this is reminding me of... In your recent, where you started updating the Mailbags again, um... Let me take a look at a Mailbag, because I don't remember the exact phrase, but... You responded with kind of a stock phrase to a lot of letters. Let's see here. Um, where is it. Ah! "Your letter has been read fully and your thoughts have been in-pyoo-ted..." I guess inputted. "And accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts." Chris, you spend even less time responding to these e-mails than you do normally. What's up with that?

'''Chris:''' Okay, for your information I actually read, I actually read and re-read each letter before I make a final response.

'''Alec:''' But your final response is, is not thought out at all. See, this is kind of an interesting parallel to your comic work, because you say, you say that you...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, well, there are points where, there are points, there are points where I don't...

'''Alec:''' [''trying to interrupt''] Chris, Chris, Chris. CHRIS. CHRIS! Let me talk, and don't interrupt, alright? I will let you speak after I finish this sentence. This is how it goes. One person speaks, the other person responds, the first person is... Okay. Um, you say that you spend a lot of time "reading and re-reading" and really considering the letters, but when it comes time for the final step, which is, you know, the response, you don't really put any effort into that. And that's an interesting parallel to your comics, because you say you spend a lot of time drawing and coloring and, you know, preparing your pages, but that final step, uploading them, you don't put any effort into that. So it seems... It kind of sounds like you go 90 percent of the way, but you don't actually finish that crucial last 10 percent. And just to let you know, people are mad about this stock response that you made.

'''Chris:''' Well, when it comes to the Mailbag, it's just that, you know, even after re-reading it, I still cannot, I still could not come up with an appropriate response. So I had to go with a neutral response.

'''Alec:''' Why... What do you mean, you can't come up with a... There's a lot of different subjects to these letters, and you give the same neutral response to every one. Are you telling me that all of these subjects, you really can think of absolutely nothing?

'''Chris:''' There are a few subjects on which I come up blank! Yes. I'll admit that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um... Like... Um, someone wrote you a letter about your comments about homosexuals being bigoted and offensive, and you gave the stock response to that. Um, that seems like a huge Achilles' heel with you, is if people mention the word "homosexual." Your mind goes blank.

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, of course, I could not think of an appropriate response to that letter.

'''Alec:''' "Your comments..." I'm reading the letter right now. "Your comments on homosexuals are bigoted and offensive. You want them to die in explosions. You want a vaccine for them, just because they tick you off..." Um, the last two parts, those are actually very clear questions, as far as I can see. Like, if someone asked me those questions... If someone asked me, "Do you want homosexuals to die in explosions?" I would tell them, "No." If someone asked me, "Do you want a vaccine for them just because they tick you off?" I would explain, "No, homosexuals don't actually tick me off, and I would never want to vaccinate them." I just came up with that right now. That would be my response if such a question was asked of me. And that's not even that long of a response. You don't need a page worth of response.

==Part 5==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Mtn9-Be1p8c}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
| next = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus, plus I perceived that, because I perceived those statements as insults, and...

'''Alec:''' Oh, so we're back to everything is an attack on you, this... Remember when you thought that my ads were an attack on you? So now someone... So, so you thought my ads were an attack on you, now this homosexual thing, um, you've made plenty of offensive comments about homosexuals, which they could, and plenty have interpreted as attacks by you. And so when someone asks you about them, how is that an attack on you?

'''Chris:''' They said when I, it was an e-mail, and that's in that where you just read about it, they called me bigoted.

'''Alec:''' That's because you are bigoted. You want...

'''Chris:''' I am not bigoted.

'''Alec:''' You hate homosexuals. How many, how many times...

'''Chris:''' I actually said that, actually I have, actually, thanks to [[Jack Thaddeus]] I recently, I have, I actually see them in a more positive light! It was, I think it was...

'''Alec:''' Is that the same Jack Thaddeus that is an evil villain, that does underhanded deals for ad space?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Well, you kinda flip-flop a lot. No, forget what I said. Um...

'''Chris:''' Uh, well, well, for your information, though, specifically, Jack Thaddeus has told me about, uh, homosetts-, about homosexuals from his point of view and how that they would never, they would never make any actions towards me because I'm not even try-, I'm not even that attractive to him.

'''Alec:''' You know, Chris...

'''Chris:''' Attract him. 'Cause he's a homosettsual.

'''Alec:''' Uhh-huh. You know, um, I've actually been hit on, I've been hit on by homosexuals, once in a while. It happens to me in my life.

'''Chris:''' Oo-kay.

'''Alec:''' It's, I never got ticked off by it, I never saw it as offensive. I mean, I'm, I'm not gay, so I wouldn't really be interested, but if, if someone, man or woman, thinks I'm attractive, then, you know, well, it's flattering. Even if I'm not interested. Why would you think it's an attack if a gay person finds you attractive? I take it as a compliment that people think I'm attractive.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, it's, yeah, well, still, I mean, if I was, well, okay, well, if a homosexual came up to me and flirted with me like that, I wouldn't, uh, no, no, I would let them know that, no...

'''Alec:''' That you're not interested?

'''Chris:''' And, yeah, I cannot accept your, I cannot accept that because I'm not interested, I am straight, nnn...

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, that's...

'''Chris:''' And then leave it at that.

'''Alec:''' That sounds, yeah, that sounds like a good...

'''Chris:''' And then, then, if the, and then if the guy continued to, continue on like that after the warning, then I would get really mad.

'''Alec:''' Well, that's understandable. And you know what? That happens, not just with gay people. I mean, straight people, plenty of straight people have trouble getting a hint. I mean, you know, guys, all the time, there are guys who, you know, hit on a girl, and she says, "No, thank you, I'm not interested", and they just keep pressing the point. [[Megan|Overstepping their boundaries]]. [[Kacey|Trying to hold their hands, things like that]]. That is... You know, in a situation like that, it's perfectly acceptable to get offended if they don't respect, er, if they don't respect your, um, your decline. Your negative response. You see? Um, but I... When, when did you talk to Jack about this, this homosexual thing? When did you have that conversation?

'''Chris:''' It was about, it was like over a, it was like over a week ago.

'''Alec:''' When did you answer Mailbag 52? Pretty sure it was less than a week ago, wasn't it? Because if your issues with homosexuals are resolved now, then why couldn't you offer a simple response to that? Okay, here's what you could have said. Um... Well, just to be clear, do you still want a vaccine for homosexuals?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Uh, I'm sorry, I did not understand, I do not understand that. Could you repeat that please?

'''Alec:''' [''slowly this time''] Do you want to create a vaccine to eliminate homosexuality?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hmm...

'''Alec:''' Do you understand that?

'''Chris:''' Honestly... Yeah, okay, yeah, I understood that. So yeah, you're asking me that right now. Or are you, or are you just, I mean, uh, okay.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I am asking you right now.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''pause''] In an attempt to make a better world, a better world, I would support it. I would support that.

'''Alec:''' Oooo-kay, so, when you said that you don't have problems with gays anymore, that wasn't actually true. Chris, well, like I said, I'm not gay, but I have a number of gay friends, um, a few family members that are gay, and it's part of who they are. That's part of their identity. Why would you want to take that away from them? What, what about removing homosexuality would make the world a better place? [''exasperated sigh''] It shouldn't be that hard, Chris, because you already, um, established a predicate that "no gays equals the world is a better place." So, having said that, that must mean that you do have an idea of how the two things are connected.

'''Chris:''' Uh... Well, what two things?

'''Alec:''' Chris, do you... Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Chris, you said, you said "no gays equals the world is a better place." That, "no gays" is point one. That connects to "world is better," point two. How do those connect? What is... Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, well, yeah, okay, now I get it, I mean, it's just that, you know, uh, [[Lies|I'm getting an incoming call right now]], and, uh, taking it will interrupt this conversation...

'''Alec:''' Well, you should probably ignore it. Yeah. Um, so please...

'''Chris:''' It's like, hard to, though, it cancels, it cancels your, it cancels your vocal input out at that point when the...

'''Alec:''' Well, did you... Yeah. Did you hear my point, though? Please explain how no gays equals world's better.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] You know, okay, well, I'm not necessarily saying... I'm not saying that as in reference to them as people. I'm saying that in reference, and like...

'''Alec:''' Well, removing, removing homosexuality equals a world better. Explain that.

'''Chris:''' Because there will be less risk of those people going to hell.

'''Alec:''' Hell?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. When they die.

'''Alec:''' What do you... Oh, you mean instead of heaven?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you're saying gay people go to hell? Um, so are you, you're a Christian, then? If you believe that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' What, um, like... You know, it's been a while since I've read a Bible, where in the Bible is that whole gays-go-to-hell thing?

'''Chris:''' It's implied within parts of the Bible.

'''Alec:''' Well, it's, understandably it's implied in parts of the Bible, I'm asking where. I'm not a Christian, so I don't have to read the Bible, but you're a Christian, when's the last time you read the Bible?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I have read the Bible, but...

'''Alec:''' You're sitting here judging people based off their sexuality without even knowing, like, you know, what parts of the Bible... Hey, hey, um, [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|you know what else the Bible condemns? Black magic]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] So?

'''Alec:''' How many times have you tried to curse people? Cursing is black magic. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I get it. It get, I get what you're saying right now.

'''Alec:''' So you're going to hell, right?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, I'm making, I'm making atones for that.

'''Alec:''' Uhhhh...are you? Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Well, you... I asked you to give Mao a Forgiveness Blessing, that was the most lackluster one I've ever seen you do. Do you believe that black magic, uh, works, Chris?

'''Chris:''' There's a po-, there's a chance that it can, but...

'''Alec:''' Um, not if you're Christian. Because the Christian God says that all magic and supernatural stuff that doesn't come from God is false.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I, I have no comment to that.

==Part 6==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|dR_lXG9HYOU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
| next = [[#Part 7|Part 7]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' Okay, well, um... Let's go back to the gay thing, because, you know, we've established that you don't really know a whole lot about the religion you claim to believe in.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So I would, I would, um, when you're in the absence of important information like that, I would think, just go with what you know. Go with what you see. And by that I mean, you know, you've never been attacked by a homosexual, they've never done anything evil to you.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Actually, yes, I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk.

'''Alec:''' What did he say to you?

'''Chris:''' I don't 'member, I don't remember what he said to me, but they were offensive.

'''Alec:''' Um, so... Okay, well, there are bad gay people, just like there are bad straight people. Um... So, one gay person did something bad to you that you don't really remember, therefore all gay people are going to hell? Is that the logic you're doing there?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, more or less.

'''Alec:''' How many... Okay, so, I should condemn all straight people because you've been horrible to me. You've said a lot of bad things to me, you've threatened me. Maybe, or, not just straight, maybe I should condemn autistic people, because you identify with autism a lot and you've been a very bad person in most of our dealings.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Are all autistic people, um, really selfish and demanding and...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Not all of them are.

'''Alec:''' But all homosexuals are bad? Because you had one bad experience? That's a double standard.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay, well, okay, well, they're all not. [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Well. You know, I'll wait to see if you really stick to that belief or not, I guess. I mean, I guess it's good that you're saying it now, but... Why do you sigh so much?

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm a little tired right now. I had to, I actually cleaned more, I cleaned the kitchen again today.

'''Alec:''' [[Biological clock|Don't you usually stay up to like 4:00 A.M. or something]], you said? This is kinda like the middle of the day for you, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' No, this is not the middle of the day for me, this is the middle of the night for me.

'''Alec:''' But... Okay, you said you sleep until like noon, right? And then you stay up 'til like three or four at night. That's kind of a, that's a really weird schedule, by the way.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, late-, actually I am, I'm mostly going to bed before midnight and I get up at like 9:00 A.M.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Well. I actually go to bed, like, around 11, so I'm closer to my bedtime than you are to yours, but I feel fine. We all get tired, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Anyway...

'''Alec:''' Um, what do you think of... Let's see here...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' [''long pause''] Um, oh, here's another good question. When someone asked you about the Mailbag that you fabricated, and you gave them that stock response again. I just, I really want to see you actually... My, my main goal right now is I want to see you put real effort into your Mailbags.

'''Chris:''' I will... I put as much effort as I could, but it's, you know, sometimes I do come up blank, and that cannot be helped.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you're... I know you've said plenty of times, you're a pretty smart guy, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but sometimes I'm quick, sometimes I'm [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow]].

'''Alec:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' It just happens! I don't know why. It's my head. I'm not a psychiatrist. A psychologist.

'''Alec:''' You don't have to be a... You... You remember that [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|Mike Jackson memorial e-mail]] you got here? You used the copy-and-paste response on that too.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Yeah, well, I didn't know who that was, I didn't realize that that was the, uh, that was a guy that, that went out, and that moved out when their, the prostitute did. Lose him. And I apologize...

'''Alec:''' I thought that you, I thought that you said that you spent a lot of time reading and carefully re-reading these e-mails. How do you not know the basics of what it's about?

'''Chris:''' Well, I miss a detail or two sometimes, it happens to a lot!

'''Alec:''' You missed all the detail, Chris! You missed all the detail.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I thought they were talking about Michael Jackson, the pop star.

'''Alec:''' Maybe if you'd read the e-mail you would've, you know, seen that that wasn't the case? Did you even look at that memorial? Chris, do you...

'''Chris:''' I can say I have not looked... I did not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, why do you not put effort into anything?

'''Chris:''' [''sudden anger''] I do put effort in every-, in everything!

'''Alec:''' Everything?! No! I told you that your website was going to get taken down because of a lawsuit over a stolen character, and you did nothing. I tell you you gotta upload pages and you do nothing. I tell you you gotta respond...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am working on the pages...

'''Alec:''' But you don't upload them!

'''Chris:''' Yes I will, yes I do, and I will!

'''Alec:''' No, "will" is different from "do." "Will" is the future tense, and it hasn't happened yet.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] I'm getting tired, I'm getting tired of this. You're raising your voice at me, I'm not, and I'm not, I don't appreciate it.

'''Alec:''' Well, I... I think I kind of, I'm just trying to enunciate a point, I'm trying to get you to respond.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... A person raising their voice, that really is enough to just, you know, completely discombobulate you? Besides, you yelled at me first.

'''Chris:''' No, you raised your voice at me first.

'''Alec:''' No. No. I asked you, "Chris, why do you not care about anything? And you screamed, "I DO CARE!"

'''Chris:''' You're being, you're being, you're being ridiculing to me.

'''Alec:''' Uh, is that the pot calling the kettle black? Chris, I want to, I want to understand why it is okay for you to do so many things to other people that make you mad when they do them back to you. Please, I'm asking you a simple question. Please explain this to me. Why is it that any level, any tiny level of stress or inconvenience, and you immediately will fall back on, you know, you're being attacked, or you're being, you know, your world is...

'''Chris:''' It just happens, espec-, it just happens, especially when I'm tired.

'''Alec:''' No. That's not an excuse. That is not an excuse. That's an excuse that a child uses. Children complain that they have to do a little bit of hard, you know, work, or deal with unpleasant situations. Honestly? I have been very polite with you, Chris. I don't swear at you, except, you know, on a few occasions where you really piss me off, but for the most part I don't. I don't yell at you, I raise my voice in response to you raising your voice. I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm just tired right now.

'''Alec:''' [''snorts'']

'''Chris:''' And you know, considering your bed at 11:00, uh, you probably want to finish this up, want to wrap this up as well. So I...

'''Alec:''' No, I'm doing good.

'''Chris:''' Let's just that, let's just agree that, uh, I will be uploading the pages, and uh, what you got, perhaps, perhaps after book 10 is completed, uh, we could, uh, actually, you know what...

'''Alec:''' Well, you know what? If you want to...

'''Chris:''' Don't worry about the ads, don't worry about that, uh, ad space at this point. I'll just agree to that, but, uh, but, yeah, but you know...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Please, Stop, Running, Away from me, Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

'''Alec:''' [''snort''] I know you're not literally running away, but you're trying to end the conversation because I'm making you feel bad.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And it's not even because I'm attacking or insulting you, I'm just presenting, you know, a few things that are very minorly unpleasant.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Okay, well, with that, uh, sometimes, there are things that, yeah, we don't, we generally, we would not prefer, we would prefer the opposite of unpleasant.

'''Alec:''' You seem to prefer the opposite of unpleasant literally all the time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Any little bit of stress and you run for the hills. You avoid anything unpleasant, even, even in cases where dealing with a small problem now will avert a very big problem later. You always choose the hard way.

==Part 7==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|BgDOe0U4F9w}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' You choose to deal with the big problem that you could have avoided. Bad news is gonna happen, Chris, life is not all fun and games.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure, well, I'm sure that that's happened to you and you actually had to do that as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but then I turned 10 and I started learning to get over it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Man the fuck up, Chris. Pardon my language, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get, I get, and I said that.

'''Alec:''' You're gonna have to show that with your actions, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And I will.

'''Alec:''' Do you believe that we, um, could ever be friends, Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Maybe.

'''Alec:''' Maybe?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, you gotta start listening to people that are trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' I am open to, I am open to opinions and thoughts when they are presented in a non-condescending, uh, appro-, acceptable tone, or, or whatever.

'''Alec:''' That's what you always say, but you never act on them. I'm showing you things you haven't done, and you still don't do them. Because I've done this with you several times.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah. I will, listen, I gotta go, I'm really, seriously, I'm feeling really sleepy right now.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, have a good night. Maybe I'll talk to you later.

'''Chris:''' Alright. Take care. Bye-bye.

[''Call ends'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBY2M3SW5ybWg0Q2s The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxfkNdoV3fM Youtube version: part 1]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2013-12-23T22:57:30Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8''' is the eighth and the second to last of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 18 February 2010.

==Summary==
Alec calls Chris, at the latter's request, to discuss the inclusion of [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] in the [[CWCipedia]] ad space. Chris, naturally, wants the pages taken down, but Alec explains the many ways in which Chris reneged on their earlier agreement concerning the removal of Asperpedia's ads. From there, the conversation spirals out into a lengthy discussion of Chris's laziness, hypocrisy, bigotry, and dishonesty, until [[stress]] finally overwhelms him and he refuses to continue.

Some of Chris's strangest psychological issues find prominent display here. For instance, his difficulty accepting the fact that his fictional characters are exactly that - fictional - leads to a bizarre passage where Alec is able to swamp him with guilt regarding the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]]. It takes several minutes for Chris to come up with a partial admission that his characters don't actually have a life of their own. Chris's repetition of the idiom "killing people left and right" suggests a very minor [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]]. Chris likes idioms.

Chris's fear of [[homos]]exuals seems to remain in effect, despite his recent claims of a change of heart on the subject. While at one point Chris says he now "sees them in a more positive light," he apparently still wants to see all the homos vaccinated and turned into decent, honest straight people. Chris claims that this will save them from going to hell, but he's unable to cite any scriptural or other basis for this belief. Alec points out that Chris is unfairly stereotyping homosexuals in the same way other people might stereotype autistics, a point that was likely lost on Chris two or three minutes after Alec made it.

On more everyday topics, Chris claims to be spending some time lately cleaning up his family's [[14 Branchland Court|disaster area of a house]], although there's as yet no corroborating evidence to confirm this. Of course, he describes simple household maintenance tasks in tones most people usually reserve for the torments of the damned. He also claims to have some 30 pages of his comic in the works for publication on his birthday, February 24, but can't come up with a decent explanation for why he wouldn't upload at least some of those pages sooner and maintain a more regular update schedule. (In the end, he managed to upload only 20 of the promised pages, and they arrived a day late.)

Eventually, just as in their [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|previous phone call]], Alec's comments become ever-so-slightly pointed, which is enough to drive Chris into a full-speed retreat. He manages to muster a polite goodbye instead of simply hanging up, but he is clearly in no mood to face any more harsh reality.

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|sesY5V_WA1A}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Hi Alec.

'''Alec:''' So uh, [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec, but Alec wins''] I got your e-mail, uh, looks like you want to talk. What's, uh, what's up?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, uh, just to let you know that I'm uh, that I'm in the middle of dinner right now so we'll have to make this short. But, ahh, yeah, I am a bit, uh, concerned that you have continued with the, ahh, oversized ads on the [[CWCipedia]]... I mean those- the smaller banner ads- that was that was okay. I would have accepted that- I would have accepted that on a daily basis. But, no, you had to add- you had to go and... [''Alec begins to talk over Chris'']

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' add-

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' a whole-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' page-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Alec:''' You asked me to call you... *right* at 9:30 and when I do, you're [[obesity|eating dinner?]]

[''Alec sounds understandably annoyed.'']

'''Chris:''' Well, I wasn't sure, because I'm...

'''Alec:''' What are you eating?

'''Chris:''' I'm having some chicken.

'''Alec:''' I- ugh. Chris, [[Chris and his ego|if you're going to ask someone to go out of their way for you for something you should probably... actually allow them to do so and not act like you are inconvenienced when they do.]] That's just a suggestion. But I-

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' But I- well... I-I-I think [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec for this whole sentence''] maybe, if you actually want to have a serious discussion- that's why I called... but... maybe let the chicken wait until we're done with our call, how about that? Cuz' I don't like calling you only to hear that you have something else to do even though this is the exact time you told me to call.

'''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' So. So. So, why don't we have our talk, and maybe the chicken will get cold, but you can microwave it when we're done.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So we had the understanding that we were not going to go back to the oversize ads again.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Okay, well, I can explain that. Do you remember how I told you that if you met my requirements exactly, I would remove the ads, but if you failed to meet my requirements, the ads would get worse? Do you remember when I said that to you?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes...I...that...

'''Alec:''' So you failed to meet my requirements. You did meet Evan's requirements, apparently. Evan is happy with you, and I'm proud of you for doing that, because Evan is, he's satisfied that you killed Simonla. However, I am not Evan, and I had different requirements than Evan.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, why are you not satisfied?

'''Alec:''' Mm. Well, there's a few reasons. First and foremost, you did not state all of the things that I told you to in your apology video. Like how Sonichu cannot make money in its current form and is a doomed franchise and you will need to start over with something original. You made no mention of that. Already. Next, your last apology video was... Well, "insincere" is kind of too lenient, if I called it that. It was just, it was just insulting. I mean, you obviously felt absolutely no remorse whatsoever. Even though you swore up and down to me when I talked to you that you did. But I'm pretty sure you just wanted to finish the phone call, and you thought that you could just read things off a list and that would please me. Oh, and then you hung up on me, I think like five or six times.

'''Chris:''' And I did, the last one I did apologize for that in the e-mail I sent you.

'''Alec:''' Um, but you hung up on me multiple times. Chris, I think that you believe, I think you believe that if you do something wrong and then you offer a superficial apology, you believe that gives you license to just do it all over again. You know, that's not what apology is about, right?

'''Chris:''' That is not what apologies are about.

'''Alec:''' Okay. And the reason you hung up on me is because you were trying to avoid me. You were trying to just brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I will admit that, the last one, and I apologize for that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. So, if you want that apology to mean anything, then in the future, including this call, and if we talk again, you are actually going to have to stick to that word and not ever again attempt to brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' That make sense? Now. Let's talk about those ads for a bit. If you notice, they really aren't ads for Asperpedia anymore. What I started, I started a new comic, called [[Sonichu Revolution]]. And that's actually what I'm using the adspace for. And what Sonichu Revolution is, it's actually, it's like a reboot of Sonichu, see, since you aren't uploading pages I thought I would do a nice thing for your fans and use my ad space to keep your fans happy.

'''Chris:''' [''has been trying to interrupt''] Well, no, I am, I am doing the pages now. Listen, your comic pages, they should, they should stay on your website, your website alone. I do not want your pages on my website that only shows my pages.

'''Alec:''' Oh, it's kinda too bad that I bought ad space on your website, when I gave you multiple opportunities to get out of me having web space, er, ad space on your website. You didn't take them. I can do what I want with my ad space.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' How many times did I, was I gracious enough to give you an extremely easy way out of all of this?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, not sure. Define, define "easy."

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, by "easy" I mean, how many times did I lay out a very clear, very specific set of requirements that I had of you, and where I promised that if you followed those requirements, exactly, then I would remove all my ads and I would do my best to stop Evan from, you know, attempting to sue you. Evan's, you know, in the past, he's happy now, but my ads are still an issue. And you know, I asked you to be sincere about the apology, which you never were.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, just to let you know, okay, well, I understand for, yes, uh, you did offer me with, you did tell me very descriptively, very detailed-ly, what you wanted, a number of times. I'm gonna est-, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna estimate like about five to 10 times at this point. Because we have not talked over the phone that much. For maybe 20, or 20 minutes, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, we've talked... Well, it's not quite that high. I think three or four times I specifically laid everything out for you.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, well, okay, at this point, yeah. An overbid is a good estimate.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one. So yeah, multiple times I gave you opportunities to, you know, to handle the situation and to come out scot-free. And, if I remember correctly, I did talk about how you are the luckiest person in the world, to have competition like me, who would be so generous and go out of his way to help his competition. I mean, a lot of other companies would have just blown you out of the water and not thought twice about it. But, you know, I like Sonichu, or I used to like it, back when you actually updated it, and I know that it does have some fans still and I wanted to see it continue. Because I don't want to just take over everything. I don't want to be the only artist out there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That's not fun. You kind of want to be the only artist in existence, I don't know why you want that. Why do you want that, anyway? Why do you not want other artists to exist?

'''Chris:''' Um, I never said, I never said that I did not want other artists to...

'''Alec:''' Well, you said it with your actions, if not with words directly.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, maybe...

'''Alec:''' I think we talked about that one time. Actions are louder than words, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, perhaps my actions were misunderstood in this case...

'''Alec:''' Ooh, not misunderstood in the least! Oh, no, your actions are very clear. You slandered and smeared me as much as you possibly could. You put all of your effort into trashing me rather than building up your own comic. There's... If you can convince me there's some way to misunderstand that, then you know, by all means try, but as far as I could see that was a pretty clear message. It's hard to misunderstand that, it's hard to misunderstand, you know, you repeatedly hanging up on me.

'''Barbara:''' [''Distant background''] Who are you on the phone with? [''She continues to occasionally make background noise'']

'''Chris:''' I know, I...

'''Alec:''' You've been out of commission for like three weeks, you haven't done shit for your fans. When are you going to come back with your comic?

'''Chris:''' I, I am, I, I still, I am, I have been working on my comic, for your information. I am up to pages in book number 11 where I have drawn that far, and I'm about halfway colored through all those pages which I drew up.

'''Alec:''' How many pages is that?

'''Chris:''' That's over 30 now.

'''Alec:''' Over 30. Really. How many days since you started that particular 30 pages.

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-ev6J9eodMU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:'''Has it been, like, what, two weeks? 15 days, around there?

'''Chris:''' Around there.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uh... I'm not really sure if asking this is going to be useful, but why would you partially complete 30 pages instead of, say, completing and uploading 20 pages? Or 25?

'''Chris:''' That would hap-, that would happen to make up for lost time on on my birthday, which is this coming, which is the next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what about your birthday? What are you going to do with it?

'''Chris:''' I'm going to upload all those, all those, all those pages, all the main pages in a bundle, in a bunch, on my birthday, which is next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, until then I think I'll just keep uploading Sonichu Revolution, because I want to please your fans, even if you don't. Chris, why, why would you...

'''Chris:''' I gave my new, I put up a new page yesterday as well. The last page I had...

'''Alec:''' So that... That, yep, I saw that, actually, that one page, plus I think you had two pages where you killed Simonla, so that's three pages total in like three weeks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, anyways...

'''Alec:''' I do two pages a day. That means I've uploaded, in the past 15 days I've uploaded 30 pages of my own. And it's... When's your birthday, like eight days from now? So I'll have another 16 pages up, so that's 46 pages...

'''Chris:''' Well, you are, you are mistaken, we're not talking about, we're not talking about eight days, my birthday is on the 24th. Of February.

'''Alec:''' Oh. My mistake. So six days. Well, I'll have 12 new pages by then. In addition to the 30 I've already uploaded.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, I didn't know when your birthday was.

'''Chris:''' Well, it's specifically stated on the, on my bio page on the CWCipedia, and in a couple other places. The 24th of February. 1982.

'''Alec:''' Hey, Chris. Chris. When is my birthday?

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I do not study your bio, I did not study your bio page...

'''Alec:''' Well, Chris, Chris, it's on my bio page on the Asperpedia. Why wouldn't you know it?

'''Chris:''' Well, I did not make an effort to study you, because...

'''Alec:''' I mean, if I'm supposed to know your page, don't you know mine? Chris, I'm kinda hurt.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I apologize for that, and after we're done here I'll go to your bio page and learn, and learn with my mind when your birthday is.

'''Alec:''' Nah, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. I'd rather you work on pages than go look up info about me. Because, you know, I actually don't know your birthday because I've been working on my pages rather than, you know, looking up your bio. Um, yeah, so, I do really have to recommend that you, um, begin uploading those 30 pages immediately. Like as soon as we're done with the call or whatever. It, just, get to work on it. Stay up all night if you have to. Get those pages up. Because, here's the thing about the way fans work. If you leave your fans in the dark for a week or two weeks or a month or however long, it really doesn't matter if you're partially completing something. Because if you don't put out any product, then your fans have nothing to work with. Have you ever heard of the game [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, you said Duke Nukem Forever?

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Well, you know the Duke Nukem video games? You ever played any of those?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I have seen, I have seen samples of that game.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Well, the company that made those, they were working on a game called Duke Nukem Forever. That was going to be their next great title. And they were working on that for actually about 15 years. And they kept promising, "Oh, you know, we've got the engine built, we've got the characters designed, we've got all this built, all that's left is for us to release it." And they never released it because they kept retooling and tinkering with it. And finally the company actually went out of business. So now there won't ever be any other Duke Nukems. And if you keep doing the same thing, Sonichu is going to go out of business. Well, not permanently, because I have Sonichu Revolution, so it'll live on in some form.

'''Chris:''' Well, yes, well, your, yes, well, still, your Rev-, your Revolutions are not the original, are not the original Sonichu pages, of which only I can draw up and tell.

'''Alec:''' But what they are is existent. And the fans appreciate that. Your pages are nonexistent.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And if you stop Sonichu, then, you know, the fans are going to want something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I get, well, don't worry, you will see, you will see, all those pages, and the completion of the 10th book.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, does this mean...

'''Chris:''' In fact, it's a...

'''Alec:''' I'm a little, I'm a little confused, how, what, do you remember when I told you... Well, of course you remember, I brought it up plenty of times, about how you really need to either do some sort of major reboot of Sonichu, or else just come up with a completely different comic? Because of all of the elements that you stole from other franchises? Are you still thinking about that? Because if you're going to finish book 10, then...

'''Chris:''' I have been thinking about that, actually.

'''Alec:''' What do you think about it?

'''Chris:''' Some of those, some of those changes will be talked about in the clip show that's gonna be in book 11.

'''Alec:''' Um... So, is book 11 gonna be like a transition from the current Sonichu to another one?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, yes, a transitions.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Oo-kay. Um, well, that's not really what a reboot is about. See, what you're doing, like a transition, suggests that the Sonichu that exists now is going to be, like, part of the same universe or world as whatever new Sonichu. What a reboot is, is a hard stop. You reset completely. You start over from scratch. Everything that came before is just, means nothing, it's null and void. Like, for example, the Spider-Man movies, they aren't in the same world as the comic, they were sort of a reboot. Because they told everything over from the beginning.

'''Chris:''' Hm. I see.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I mean, I know it's... I can sympathize with you on this. I mean, you've been working on Sonichu for 10 years now, and the thought that you have to abandon it completely and start over with something new, I understand that that's kind of a scary thought. But it is true.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Have you, have you, uh... What do you think of Sonichu Revolution, by the way? Have you been reading it? I'm only like seven pages in right now, so...

'''Chris:''' I have taken a look at it, and I did not like the way you were killing characters left and right! That's no good, it's just terrible! Don't go killing, don't go killing, don't go killing characters, that just does not, that just, that just does not, that just does not work. It's like...

'''Alec:''' Chris...

'''Chris:''' It's like doing Zombie X-Men, [[Wikipedia:Marvel Zombies|Marvel Zombies]].

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I remember that. That was actually a pretty popular comic, wasn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's actually on the [[PlayStation Network]] digital comic download, only on the [[PSP]] right now.

'''Alec:''' Well, I've seen it in stores, though. Well, it was pretty popular, was my point.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, that's, anyway, that's the point. That's still, like, you know, killing, you're just like killing everybody left and right. It's not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, how many, how many comic books and TV shows and movies and, you know, whatever other media have you seen where characters die? Do you think they're all bad?

'''Chris:''' Yes, well, well, yeah, they are bad, because that's just totally fake. And plus, to do it in such a gory way is just terrifying. It's like any, it's like any of the [[Saw]] movies. It's especially like, especially like the first trap in Saw VI.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies?

'''Chris:''' That was horrifying.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies, Chris? The Saw movies?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I liked them, I mean I enjoyed the falling, the telling...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] You liked them? But there's death in it! How could you like a movie that has death in it, Chris?! Death is bad. You said death is bad.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm not talking about...

'''Alec:''' Death is bad.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm not talking about the death part, I did not say I liked the death parts, I liked the building of the character of John Kramer. In the movies.

'''Alec:''' But the point is, you still liked the movies overall, right? I mean, you went to see them, you'd probably see them again?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, they were hor-, yeah, I mean, I will admit they are horrifying, and they do frighten me, but think about, but think about, think about...

'''Alec:''' Hence the genre, horror, if it's horrifying it's doing its job, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, but I mean, still, that's Hollywood magic, you know, that's, you know, the people, the actors in those movies are still, are still alive and well, they just...

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, right, I forgot, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|because comic characters are real people]] and apparently I'm guilty of, of multiple homicide now? Chris, you, remember when you killed [[Simonla]] because we strong-armed you into it, because you refused to do it willingly? Are you guilty of homicide now? Because you killed Simonla?

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|x9jVhBBZRVk}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript
'''Chris:''' No, actually, that would, actually, you could blame the Voltorb that was placed by the toilet, placed by the toilet that exploded. Because the Voltorb exploded, it blew up the...

'''Alec:''' Chris, you drew the Voltorb. You drew the Voltorb! Chris, you knew Simonla was going to die! You knew there was going to be a Voltorb there and you did nothing to stop it! You are an accessory to murder! Who cares if someone else placed it? You knew, of course you knew she was going to die because I've been telling you for weeks to kill her.

'''Chris:''' You're, you're, well, read, yeah, well, read the pages after I put 'em, after I put 'em all up and you will see that there is, that there was, that it wasn't preventable. That there was a way that, it could not have been prevented. You will find out.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um... Did you see my page where [[Son-Chu]] killed himself? Did you see how depressed he was? I couldn't have prevented that. Sometimes people are so depressed that you just can't reach them. And it's tragic but, you know, sometimes people commit suicide because they believe there's just no way out for them.

'''Chris:''' I have a question for you.

'''Alec:''' Oh?

'''Chris:''' You said you like Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Why did you make him, why did you draw him killing himself?

'''Alec:''' Soni-

'''Chris:''' If you liked him you would not have done that!

'''Alec:''' I didn't draw Sonichu killing himself. I said Son-Chu, your car, your... I don't want to say "Autobot" 'cause that's trademarked, but...

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, excuse me, well, I misunderstood. Well, yeah, that was, that was wrong. I mean, that was like you're killing my vehicle, it's like you're making me have to pay, like...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting off Chris''] No, Chris, I didn't kill your, I didn't kill him. He committed suicide. He was depressed because he had a name that he hated, and all the other Autobots made fun of him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the Autobot, the Autobots do not make fun of each other for their names.

'''Alec:''' No, they make fun of Son-Chu. Chris! Look at what he says in that page! He says that he hates his name because it's not a strong, manly Autobot name. Why would he lie?

'''Chris:''' Well, it's only because you're, you're putting...

'''Alec:''' He had nothing to lie about, he had nothing to lose. He was gonna kill himself.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I did not, I'm not the one that drew, that drew my car, my Autobot, to say that. I did not. You did that, pretending to be me, in a sense.

'''Alec:''' I wasn't pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' You were pretending to be...

'''Alec:''' Chris, look up at the page. Do you see on the comic page where it says "Copyright 2010 Alec Benson Leary"? I'm pretty sure that shows that I was not pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, you have no right, you have no right in killing a character that was originally mine, and that I have never said, have never said personally, had died. When a character dies, I will let every, I will let everybody know myself. Anybody else who, who makes up, who says outside of my jurisdiction, it's just a whole bunch of bogus baloney.

'''Alec:''' Well, maybe I can say it's a parody, and that'll make it okay, right? If Sonichu Revolution is a parody? Would that be okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It would?

'''Chris:''' I would accept that, yeah. And plus, don't make them so big. Maybe like three quarters of the current size, three quarters.

'''Alec:''' No. Nah. Then no one can read the text. I'm not gonna make it smaller, it's kinda hard to read the text already.

'''Chris:''' You should have those pages on your Asperpedia! People could just go over there and read them for themselves.

'''Alec:''' Um, but the whole point of Sonichu Revolution is to make up for your lack of updates. Why would I put it on my Asperpedia? That defeats the purpose. I, I'm...

'''Chris:''' But, but you're just...

'''Alec:''' I'm keeping the fans there for you, Chris!

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing...

'''Alec:''' You could thank me once.

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing those pages, not me.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, that's right, I'm drawing the pages. You're not drawing anything. Or you say you are, but we have no proof.

'''Chris:''' I am, I, you're wrong, I have been drawing the pages, and I have been coloring them.

'''Alec:''' But you're not uploading them.

'''Chris:''' Because I have, because I'm too busy working on the, working on coloring after I have drawn them all up! And plus, I have real life things, like I have to go hang, like I have to hang out with my family. I have errands to run...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting him off''] Chris! Take a guess, right, I want you to guess...

'''Chris:''' And plus...

'''Alec:''' Between, Chris, no, Chris! I want you to guess, between one and 10, how many hours did I spend in school yesterday? Take a guess, right now.

'''Chris:''' How many hours you spent in school yesterday...

'''Alec:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' The average of 10.

'''Alec:''' That's right. I spent 10 hours in school yesterday. I also uploaded a page of Sonichu Revolution yesterday.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, what about your job? You have your job as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. What about my job? I upload pages while I have a job and school. So what about my job?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you got all your, you're spending your time there as well.

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, well, I admit, I'm not sure really what the point I was trying to make there, I lost my train of thought.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, yeah. It's true that, yes, I spend a lot of time in school, and a lot of time at my job. And I, you know, and I have errands too. Not really for my family, I don't live with my family, but I do errands on my own.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright. Well, okay, well...

'''Alec:''' How much time... You've mentioned that several times, that you have to run errands for your family. Like, what do you have to do for them? What did you do yesterday? What... How... Like, are they having you break rocks with sledgehammers or something all day? Because you say it's like some huge, serious thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, they're old. I have to do chores for them. I have to do chores for them around the house. Like I had to even, I even shoveled snow to get the, to get the, to make a path for them and get the cars out. And my, and my car, it was stuck in, two front tires were stuck in their own dug grooves, and we finally, and finally got the car out of those two grooves today.

'''Alec:''' So you've been working on that solid, non-stop, just digging your car out? I mean... I live in Minnesota, you know, we get some bad snowstorms sometimes, and my car will just get completely buried in snow. And it might take me, like, in the worst-case scenario of storms, it might take me half an hour to dig enough snow out for my car to move. We usually don't get that much snow, though.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' You said some chores around your house, too, like besides shoveling. What else do you have to do?

'''Chris:''' I clean the kit-, I clean the kitchen, I do the, I vacuum, I move stuff around, I clean the bathroom as well, I do a lot of things around the house.

'''Alec:''' You kind of sound like you're talking to someone who has not seen that video [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of your house]] right now. And I want to let you know that I actually have seen it, so I'm pretty sure... [''Alec is interrupted by a rapid series of DTMF tones. Decoded so far: 3125632589632145896321258624231561523635832147413663574147236464''] Chris, can you hear me? Hello? Chris, are you pressing buttons? [''tones end'']

[''Note: Even though these calls are in one file, according to [[Clyde Cash]], Chris actually hung up on Alec at the end of the dial tones. Alec promptly called him back.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, Alec?

'''Alec:''' Hey, hey Chris, did we get disconnected there?

'''Chris:''' [[Lies|Yeah, 'fraid we did.]] It happens to me, between me and my, uh, gal-pal as well, in our conversations sometimes. Reception goes bad during this time of night.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Well, uh, glad I got you back. Okay, well, we were talking about, uh, the chores you need to do, I think, in your house. So you're saying you clean your house up?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Uh, okay, um... Have you cleaned your, cleaned your room at all?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do clean my room.

'''Alec:''' Mmm, how much do you clean it?

'''Chris:''' I clean my room like once a week.

'''Alec:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' O-kay. So, how long does it take when you do that? Because if you do that once a week, that's just, like, maintenance, shouldn't take too long.

'''Chris:''' It takes like two hours.

'''Alec:''' Two hours. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Alec:''' Um... How long does it take you to clean the rest of the house?

'''Chris:''' It takes me, it pretty much takes me one to two hours per room.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Okay. Like, what do you do when you clean? What specific stuff do you do?

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|jkjhKhoVEuU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' I move this, I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I take, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work, back-breaking!

'''Alec:''' Back-breaking.

'''Chris:''' Yes. My back hurts.

'''Alec:''' I hope you don't mean... Your back hurts from cleaning?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, after extensive long time, I mean, sure.

'''Alec:''' I thought you, I thought you were strong, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[I AM STRONG|I am strong]].

'''Alec:''' Why would your back just... How strong are you? Like... Because it seems the videos...

'''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm very strong. Believe me, I'm very strong.

'''Alec:''' Really. Like... Uh...

'''Chris:''' Anybody, anybody, anybody will tell you that, like, yeah, they, they just feel like they break their backbones after, after a very extensive time scrubbing the floors, getting up and down, as well.

'''Alec:''' You should get a Swiffer. Swiffer Wet-Jet, because then you can stand while you're scrubbing the floor. I use it, it's really useful.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' It's quick, too.

'''Chris:''' Well, we don't have it, we don't have that here.

'''Alec:''' Huh. Maybe you could sell some of those video games like I was talking about. Then you could afford one. Have you thought at all about selling any more of your, your games, Chris? Because...

'''Chris:''' No, I have no plans, I have no plans of that at the moment.

'''Alec:''' Why would you want to hold on to video games that you don't play anymore?

'''Chris:''' I do play them, when I feel nostalgic...

'''Alec:''' ALL of them? Chris, you've got... How many [[List of Chris's games|hundreds of games]] do you have? And you play all of them regularly? Is that what you're telling me?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Regularly, like... Yeah. Every, like, uh, I'd say, yeah, on a regular basis I do.

'''Alec:''' Every single one.

'''Chris:''' Yeah!

'''Alec:''' That must take, that must take a lot of time.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Is video-game-playing back-breaking too? Just out of curiosity? I wouldn't think it would be.

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, but it's one way for me to relax after I, after I have done the work of cleaning the room. Or shoveling the snow in the yard.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but you only clean once a week, and shoveling, that doesn't happen all the time. I know Virginia got a snowstorm recently, right, but that was kinda like a one-time thing.

'''Chris:''' That's, well, okay, well, just to correct you, I was not talking about cleaning period once a week, we're talking about cleaning my room once a week. And, and then, we have other, then, it's like, on another day I'll clean up the kitchen, and on another day I'll clean up the living room, on another day I'll clean up the, I'll clean up my parents' bedroom...

'''Alec:''' Chris, I've seen the video tour of your house.

'''Chris:''' That's like, that was, that was like, that was like over, that was like over a year ago.

'''Alec:''' Over a year ago. You really... You should film a new tour, then, actually, because people still think that your house is, you know, a mess like that.

'''Chris:''' I'll think, well, I'll consider that.

'''Alec:''' You really should, you know. It would be a good idea. Chris, here's, okay, here's what I don't get about you. There are so many things, like, you know, if your house is clean, you could just make a video and show people that. And if you've really been working on the pages, you could just upload them. And if, you know, if you wanted to prove to people that you have [[Nintendo]]'s permission to use [[Pikachu]], shit like that, you could just show them the letter that Nintendo sent you, that gives you permission. Why do you, why do you take the hard way through everything? Why do you want to keep receiving, you know, demands and questions about this and that subject when one little action on your part could just stop all of it?

'''Chris:''' Because for me it's not all that easy.

'''Alec:''' What's not easy about it? Like, okay, the Nintendo...

'''Chris:''' Because, I'll, I'll just, also [[Bob|my father]]'s [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|still very angry at me]] for doing the video touring the house over a year ago. And he's making me all mad, he's very angry...

'''Alec:''' Why, why, why was he angry about it? Just refresh my memory.

'''Chris:''' It's like an invasion of privacy?

'''Alec:''' How is it an invasion? You live there, I mean, it's your house, if you choose to upload a video, that's not an invasion of privacy. If you [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|try to videotape people without their consent]], that would be an invasion of privacy. But I don't think your parents were in that video.

'''Chris:''' You don't, you don't, you don't understand, I, and I forget all of the details my father said, but he's still very angry at me for doing, for having done that.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, I guess if you say he's angry then okay, that's that, but... Um, what about, um... Well, like the Nintendo thing. Couldn't you... Did Nintendo, like, write you a letter saying, you know, yes, go ahead and use Pikachu? Couldn't you just scan that and show that to people? 'Cause everybody...

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter.

'''Alec:''' You mis-, you misplaced it?

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That seems like a really important thing, how could you misplace that? And if you clean your house so regularly, I mean, it seems like you would find things that you had lost regularly.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It takes, yeah, moving, moving stuff, if I had, I had, I regularly look at stuff, and that, and it got misplaced that way.

'''Alec:''' I'm sure you could just actually call up Nintendo, because... I mean, that would be... You know, the legal department of a company keeps records of everything they do. They would be happy to just fax you or send you another copy of the letter.

'''Chris:''' I'll keep that in mind.

'''Alec:''' Businesses lose papers sometimes, and you know, that's why there's redundancy, that's why. And not only your fans, you know, but if you showed that letter publicly, then I couldn't demand that you admit Sonichu's a doomed franchise, now, could I? You wouldn't, you wouldn't even have to do the reboot? I mean, think about it. If either you, you know, reboot your entire comic that you've been working on for 10 years, that's one choice, or your other choice is, you just call up Nintendo and ask them to send another letter, and show it to everyone.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Destroy 10 years of personal hard labor, or show a letter.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well, I will think, I will, I will look, I will look into that later.

'''Alec:''' Um, okay. Um, this is reminding me of... In your recent, where you started updating the Mailbags again, um... Let me take a look at a Mailbag, because I don't remember the exact phrase, but... You responded with kind of a stock phrase to a lot of letters. Let's see here. Um, where is it. Ah! "Your letter has been read fully and your thoughts have been in-pyoo-ted..." I guess inputted. "And accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts." Chris, you spend even less time responding to these e-mails than you do normally. What's up with that?

'''Chris:''' Okay, for your information I actually read, I actually read and re-read each letter before I make a final response.

'''Alec:''' But your final response is, is not thought out at all. See, this is kind of an interesting parallel to your comic work, because you say, you say that you...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, well, there are points where, there are points, there are points where I don't...

'''Alec:''' [''trying to interrupt''] Chris, Chris, Chris. CHRIS. CHRIS! Let me talk, and don't interrupt, alright? I will let you speak after I finish this sentence. This is how it goes. One person speaks, the other person responds, the first person is... Okay. Um, you say that you spend a lot of time "reading and re-reading" and really considering the letters, but when it comes time for the final step, which is, you know, the response, you don't really put any effort into that. And that's an interesting parallel to your comics, because you say you spend a lot of time drawing and coloring and, you know, preparing your pages, but that final step, uploading them, you don't put any effort into that. So it seems... It kind of sounds like you go 90 percent of the way, but you don't actually finish that crucial last 10 percent. And just to let you know, people are mad about this stock response that you made.

'''Chris:''' Well, when it comes to the Mailbag, it's just that, you know, even after re-reading it, I still cannot, I still could not come up with an appropriate response. So I had to go with a neutral response.

'''Alec:''' Why... What do you mean, you can't come up with a... There's a lot of different subjects to these letters, and you give the same neutral response to every one. Are you telling me that all of these subjects, you really can think of absolutely nothing?

'''Chris:''' There are a few subjects on which I come up blank! Yes. I'll admit that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um... Like... Um, someone wrote you a letter about your comments about homosexuals being bigoted and offensive, and you gave the stock response to that. Um, that seems like a huge Achilles' heel with you, is if people mention the word "homosexual." Your mind goes blank.

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, of course, I could not think of an appropriate response to that letter.

'''Alec:''' "Your comments..." I'm reading the letter right now. "Your comments on homosexuals are bigoted and offensive. You want them to die in explosions. You want a vaccine for them, just because they tick you off..." Um, the last two parts, those are actually very clear questions, as far as I can see. Like, if someone asked me those questions... If someone asked me, "Do you want homosexuals to die in explosions?" I would tell them, "No." If someone asked me, "Do you want a vaccine for them just because they tick you off?" I would explain, "No, homosexuals don't actually tick me off, and I would never want to vaccinate them." I just came up with that right now. That would be my response if such a question was asked of me. And that's not even that long of a response. You don't need a page worth of response.

==Part 5==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Mtn9-Be1p8c}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
| next = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus, plus I perceived that, because I perceived those statements as insults, and...

'''Alec:''' Oh, so we're back to everything is an attack on you, this... Remember when you thought that my ads were an attack on you? So now someone... So, so you thought my ads were an attack on you, now this homosexual thing, um, you've made plenty of offensive comments about homosexuals, which they could, and plenty have interpreted as attacks by you. And so when someone asks you about them, how is that an attack on you?

'''Chris:''' They said when I, it was an e-mail, and that's in that where you just read about it, they called me bigoted.

'''Alec:''' That's because you are bigoted. You want...

'''Chris:''' I am not bigoted.

'''Alec:''' You hate homosexuals. How many, how many times...

'''Chris:''' I actually said that, actually I have, actually, thanks to [[Jack Thaddeus]] I recently, I have, I actually see them in a more positive light! It was, I think it was...

'''Alec:''' Is that the same Jack Thaddeus that is an evil villain, that does underhanded deals for ad space?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Well, you kinda flip-flop a lot. No, forget what I said. Um...

'''Chris:''' Uh, well, well, for your information, though, specifically, Jack Thaddeus has told me about, uh, homosetts-, about homosexuals from his point of view and how that they would never, they would never make any actions towards me because I'm not even try-, I'm not even that attractive to him.

'''Alec:''' You know, Chris...

'''Chris:''' Attract him. 'Cause he's a homosettsual.

'''Alec:''' Uhh-huh. You know, um, I've actually been hit on, I've been hit on by homosexuals, once in a while. It happens to me in my life.

'''Chris:''' Oo-kay.

'''Alec:''' It's, I never got ticked off by it, I never saw it as offensive. I mean, I'm, I'm not gay, so I wouldn't really be interested, but if, if someone, man or woman, thinks I'm attractive, then, you know, well, it's flattering. Even if I'm not interested. Why would you think it's an attack if a gay person finds you attractive? I take it as a compliment that people think I'm attractive.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, it's, yeah, well, still, I mean, if I was, well, okay, well, if a homosexual came up to me and flirted with me like that, I wouldn't, uh, no, no, I would let them know that, no...

'''Alec:''' That you're not interested?

'''Chris:''' And, yeah, I cannot accept your, I cannot accept that because I'm not interested, I am straight, nnn...

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, that's...

'''Chris:''' And then leave it at that.

'''Alec:''' That sounds, yeah, that sounds like a good...

'''Chris:''' And then, then, if the, and then if the guy continued to, continue on like that after the warning, then I would get really mad.

'''Alec:''' Well, that's understandable. And you know what? That happens, not just with gay people. I mean, straight people, plenty of straight people have trouble getting a hint. I mean, you know, guys, all the time, there are guys who, you know, hit on a girl, and she says, "No, thank you, I'm not interested", and they just keep pressing the point. [[Megan|Overstepping their boundaries]]. [[Kacey|Trying to hold their hands, things like that]]. That is... You know, in a situation like that, it's perfectly acceptable to get offended if they don't respect, er, if they don't respect your, um, your decline. Your negative response. You see? Um, but I... When, when did you talk to Jack about this, this homosexual thing? When did you have that conversation?

'''Chris:''' It was about, it was like over a, it was like over a week ago.

'''Alec:''' When did you answer Mailbag 52? Pretty sure it was less than a week ago, wasn't it? Because if your issues with homosexuals are resolved now, then why couldn't you offer a simple response to that? Okay, here's what you could have said. Um... Well, just to be clear, do you still want a vaccine for homosexuals?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Uh, I'm sorry, I did not understand, I do not understand that. Could you repeat that please?

'''Alec:''' [''slowly this time''] Do you want to create a vaccine to eliminate homosexuality?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hmm...

'''Alec:''' Do you understand that?

'''Chris:''' Honestly... Yeah, okay, yeah, I understood that. So yeah, you're asking me that right now. Or are you, or are you just, I mean, uh, okay.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I am asking you right now.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''pause''] In an attempt to make a better world, a better world, I would support it. I would support that.

'''Alec:''' Oooo-kay, so, when you said that you don't have problems with gays anymore, that wasn't actually true. Chris, well, like I said, I'm not gay, but I have a number of gay friends, um, a few family members that are gay, and it's part of who they are. That's part of their identity. Why would you want to take that away from them? What, what about removing homosexuality would make the world a better place? [''exasperated sigh''] It shouldn't be that hard, Chris, because you already, um, established a predicate that "no gays equals the world is a better place." So, having said that, that must mean that you do have an idea of how the two things are connected.

'''Chris:''' Uh... Well, what two things?

'''Alec:''' Chris, do you... Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Chris, you said, you said "no gays equals the world is a better place." That, "no gays" is point one. That connects to "world is better," point two. How do those connect? What is... Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, well, yeah, okay, now I get it, I mean, it's just that, you know, uh, [[Lies|I'm getting an incoming call right now]], and, uh, taking it will interrupt this conversation...

'''Alec:''' Well, you should probably ignore it. Yeah. Um, so please...

'''Chris:''' It's like, hard to, though, it cancels, it cancels your, it cancels your vocal input out at that point when the...

'''Alec:''' Well, did you... Yeah. Did you hear my point, though? Please explain how no gays equals world's better.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] You know, okay, well, I'm not necessarily saying... I'm not saying that as in reference to them as people. I'm saying that in reference, and like...

'''Alec:''' Well, removing, removing homosexuality equals a world better. Explain that.

'''Chris:''' Because there will be less risk of those people going to hell.

'''Alec:''' Hell?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. When they die.

'''Alec:''' What do you... Oh, you mean instead of heaven?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you're saying gay people go to hell? Um, so are you, you're a Christian, then? If you believe that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' What, um, like... You know, it's been a while since I've read a Bible, where in the Bible is that whole gays-go-to-hell thing?

'''Chris:''' It's implied within parts of the Bible.

'''Alec:''' Well, it's, understandably it's implied in parts of the Bible, I'm asking where. I'm not a Christian, so I don't have to read the Bible, but you're a Christian, when's the last time you read the Bible?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I have read the Bible, but...

'''Alec:''' You're sitting here judging people based off their sexuality without even knowing, like, you know, what parts of the Bible... Hey, hey, um, [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|you know what else the Bible condemns? Black magic]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] So?

'''Alec:''' How many times have you tried to curse people? Cursing is black magic. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I get it. It get, I get what you're saying right now.

'''Alec:''' So you're going to hell, right?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, I'm making, I'm making atones for that.

'''Alec:''' Uhhhh...are you? Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Well, you... I asked you to give Mao a Forgiveness Blessing, that was the most lackluster one I've ever seen you do. Do you believe that black magic, uh, works, Chris?

'''Chris:''' There's a po-, there's a chance that it can, but...

'''Alec:''' Um, not if you're Christian. Because the Christian God says that all magic and supernatural stuff that doesn't come from God is false.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I, I have no comment to that.

==Part 6==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|dR_lXG9HYOU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
| next = [[#Part 7|Part 7]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' Okay, well, um... Let's go back to the gay thing, because, you know, we've established that you don't really know a whole lot about the religion you claim to believe in.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So I would, I would, um, when you're in the absence of important information like that, I would think, just go with what you know. Go with what you see. And by that I mean, you know, you've never been attacked by a homosexual, they've never done anything evil to you.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Actually, yes, I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk.

'''Alec:''' What did he say to you?

'''Chris:''' I don't 'member, I don't remember what he said to me, but they were offensive.

'''Alec:''' Um, so... Okay, well, there are bad gay people, just like there are bad straight people. Um... So, one gay person did something bad to you that you don't really remember, therefore all gay people are going to hell? Is that the logic you're doing there?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, more or less.

'''Alec:''' How many... Okay, so, I should condemn all straight people because you've been horrible to me. You've said a lot of bad things to me, you've threatened me. Maybe, or, not just straight, maybe I should condemn autistic people, because you identify with autism a lot and you've been a very bad person in most of our dealings.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Are all autistic people, um, really selfish and demanding and...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Not all of them are.

'''Alec:''' But all homosexuals are bad? Because you had one bad experience? That's a double standard.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay, well, okay, well, they're all not. [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Well. You know, I'll wait to see if you really stick to that belief or not, I guess. I mean, I guess it's good that you're saying it now, but... Why do you sigh so much?

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm a little tired right now. I had to, I actually cleaned more, I cleaned the kitchen again today.

'''Alec:''' [[Biological clock|Don't you usually stay up to like 4:00 A.M. or something]], you said? This is kinda like the middle of the day for you, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' No, this is not the middle of the day for me, this is the middle of the night for me.

'''Alec:''' But... Okay, you said you sleep until like noon, right? And then you stay up 'til like three or four at night. That's kind of a, that's a really weird schedule, by the way.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, late-, actually I am, I'm mostly going to bed before midnight and I get up at like 9:00 A.M.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Well. I actually go to bed, like, around 11, so I'm closer to my bedtime than you are to yours, but I feel fine. We all get tired, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Anyway...

'''Alec:''' Um, what do you think of... Let's see here...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' [''long pause''] Um, oh, here's another good question. When someone asked you about the Mailbag that you fabricated, and you gave them that stock response again. I just, I really want to see you actually... My, my main goal right now is I want to see you put real effort into your Mailbags.

'''Chris:''' I will... I put as much effort as I could, but it's, you know, sometimes I do come up blank, and that cannot be helped.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you're... I know you've said plenty of times, you're a pretty smart guy, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but sometimes I'm quick, sometimes I'm [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow]].

'''Alec:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' It just happens! I don't know why. It's my head. I'm not a psychiatrist. A psychologist.

'''Alec:''' You don't have to be a... You... You remember that [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|Mike Jackson memorial e-mail]] you got here? You used the copy-and-paste response on that too.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Yeah, well, I didn't know who that was, I didn't realize that that was the, uh, that was a guy that, that went out, and that moved out when their, the prostitute did. Lose him. And I apologize...

'''Alec:''' I thought that you, I thought that you said that you spent a lot of time reading and carefully re-reading these e-mails. How do you not know the basics of what it's about?

'''Chris:''' Well, I miss a detail or two sometimes, it happens to a lot!

'''Alec:''' You missed all the detail, Chris! You missed all the detail.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I thought they were talking about Michael Jackson, the pop star.

'''Alec:''' Maybe if you'd read the e-mail you would've, you know, seen that that wasn't the case? Did you even look at that memorial? Chris, do you...

'''Chris:''' I can say I have not looked... I did not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, why do you not put effort into anything?

'''Chris:''' [''sudden anger''] I do put effort in every-, in everything!

'''Alec:''' Everything?! No! I told you that your website was going to get taken down because of a lawsuit over a stolen character, and you did nothing. I tell you you gotta upload pages and you do nothing. I tell you you gotta respond...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am working on the pages...

'''Alec:''' But you don't upload them!

'''Chris:''' Yes I will, yes I do, and I will!

'''Alec:''' No, "will" is different from "do." "Will" is the future tense, and it hasn't happened yet.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] I'm getting tired, I'm getting tired of this. You're raising your voice at me, I'm not, and I'm not, I don't appreciate it.

'''Alec:''' Well, I... I think I kind of, I'm just trying to enunciate a point, I'm trying to get you to respond.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... A person raising their voice, that really is enough to just, you know, completely discombobulate you? Besides, you yelled at me first.

'''Chris:''' No, you raised your voice at me first.

'''Alec:''' No. No. I asked you, "Chris, why do you not care about anything? And you screamed, "I DO CARE!"

'''Chris:''' You're being, you're being, you're being ridiculing to me.

'''Alec:''' Uh, is that the pot calling the kettle black? Chris, I want to, I want to understand why it is okay for you to do so many things to other people that make you mad when they do them back to you. Please, I'm asking you a simple question. Please explain this to me. Why is it that any level, any tiny level of stress or inconvenience, and you immediately will fall back on, you know, you're being attacked, or you're being, you know, your world is...

'''Chris:''' It just happens, espec-, it just happens, especially when I'm tired.

'''Alec:''' No. That's not an excuse. That is not an excuse. That's an excuse that a child uses. Children complain that they have to do a little bit of hard, you know, work, or deal with unpleasant situations. Honestly? I have been very polite with you, Chris. I don't swear at you, except, you know, on a few occasions where you really piss me off, but for the most part I don't. I don't yell at you, I raise my voice in response to you raising your voice. I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm just tired right now.

'''Alec:''' [''snorts'']

'''Chris:''' And you know, considering your bed at 11:00, uh, you probably want to finish this up, want to wrap this up as well. So I...

'''Alec:''' No, I'm doing good.

'''Chris:''' Let's just that, let's just agree that, uh, I will be uploading the pages, and uh, what you got, perhaps, perhaps after book 10 is completed, uh, we could, uh, actually, you know what...

'''Alec:''' Well, you know what? If you want to...

'''Chris:''' Don't worry about the ads, don't worry about that, uh, ad space at this point. I'll just agree to that, but, uh, but, yeah, but you know...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Please, Stop, Running, Away from me, Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

'''Alec:''' [''snort''] I know you're not literally running away, but you're trying to end the conversation because I'm making you feel bad.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And it's not even because I'm attacking or insulting you, I'm just presenting, you know, a few things that are very minorly unpleasant.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Okay, well, with that, uh, sometimes, there are things that, yeah, we don't, we generally, we would not prefer, we would prefer the opposite of unpleasant.

'''Alec:''' You seem to prefer the opposite of unpleasant literally all the time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Any little bit of stress and you run for the hills. You avoid anything unpleasant, even, even in cases where dealing with a small problem now will avert a very big problem later. You always choose the hard way.

==Part 7==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|BgDOe0U4F9w}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' You choose to deal with the big problem that you could have avoided. Bad news is gonna happen, Chris, life is not all fun and games.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure, well, I'm sure that that's happened to you and you actually had to do that as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but then I turned 10 and I started learning to get over it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Man the fuck up, Chris. Pardon my language, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get, I get, and I said that.

'''Alec:''' You're gonna have to show that with your actions, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And I will.

'''Alec:''' Do you believe that we, um, could ever be friends, Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Maybe.

'''Alec:''' Maybe?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, you gotta start listening to people that are trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' I am open to, I am open to opinions and thoughts when they are presented in a non-condescending, uh, appro-, acceptable tone, or, or whatever.

'''Alec:''' That's what you always say, but you never act on them. I'm showing you things you haven't done, and you still don't do them. Because I've done this with you several times.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah. I will, listen, I gotta go, I'm really, seriously, I'm feeling really sleepy right now.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, have a good night. Maybe I'll talk to you later.

'''Chris:''' Alright. Take care. Bye-bye.

[''Call ends'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBY2M3SW5ybWg0Q2s The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxfkNdoV3fM Youtube version: part 1]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2013-12-23T22:56:04Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8''' is the eighth and the second to last of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 18 February 2010.

==Summary==
Alec calls Chris, at the latter's request, to discuss the inclusion of [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] in the [[CWCipedia]] ad space. Chris, naturally, wants the pages taken down, but Alec explains the many ways in which Chris reneged on their earlier agreement concerning the removal of Asperpedia's ads. From there, the conversation spirals out into a lengthy discussion of Chris's laziness, hypocrisy, bigotry, and dishonesty, until [[stress]] finally overwhelms him and he refuses to continue.

Some of Chris's strangest psychological issues find prominent display here. For instance, his difficulty accepting the fact that his fictional characters are exactly that - fictional - leads to a bizarre passage where Alec is able to swamp him with guilt regarding the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]]. It takes several minutes for Chris to come up with a partial admission that his characters don't actually have a life of their own. Chris's repetition of the idiom "killing people left and right" suggests a very minor [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]]. Chris likes idioms.

Chris's fear of [[homos]]exuals seems to remain in effect, despite his recent claims of a change of heart on the subject. While at one point Chris says he now "sees them in a more positive light," he apparently still wants to see all the homos vaccinated and turned into decent, honest straight people. Chris claims that this will save them from going to hell, but he's unable to cite any scriptural or other basis for this belief. Alec points out that Chris is unfairly stereotyping homosexuals in the same way other people might stereotype autistics, a point that was likely lost on Chris two or three minutes after Alec made it.

On more everyday topics, Chris claims to be spending some time lately cleaning up his family's [[14 Branchland Court|disaster area of a house]], although there's as yet no corroborating evidence to confirm this. Of course, he describes simple household maintenance tasks in tones most people usually reserve for the torments of the damned. He also claims to have some 30 pages of his comic in the works for publication on his birthday, February 24, but can't come up with a decent explanation for why he wouldn't upload at least some of those pages sooner and maintain a more regular update schedule. (In the end, he managed to upload only 20 of the promised pages, and they arrived a day late.)

Eventually, just as in their [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|previous phone call]], Alec's comments become ever-so-slightly pointed, which is enough to drive Chris into a full-speed retreat. He manages to muster a polite goodbye instead of simply hanging up, but he is clearly in no mood to face any more harsh reality.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|sesY5V_WA1A}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Hi Alec.

'''Alec:''' So uh, [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec, but Alec wins''] I got your e-mail, uh, looks like you want to talk. What's, uh, what's up?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, uh, just to let you know that I'm uh, that I'm in the middle of dinner right now so we'll have to make this short. But, ahh, yeah, I am a bit, uh, concerned that you have continued with the, ahh, oversized ads on the [[CWCipedia]]... I mean those- the smaller banner ads- that was that was okay. I would have accepted that- I would have accepted that on a daily basis. But, no, you had to add- you had to go and... [''Alec begins to talk over Chris'']

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' add-

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' a whole-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' page-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Alec:''' You asked me to call you... *right* at 9:30 and when I do, you're [[obesity|eating dinner?]]

[''Alec sounds understandably annoyed.'']

'''Chris:''' Well, I wasn't sure, because I'm...

'''Alec:''' What are you eating?

'''Chris:''' I'm having some chicken.

'''Alec:''' I- ugh. Chris, [[Chris and his ego|if you're going to ask someone to go out of their way for you for something you should probably... actually allow them to do so and not act like you are inconvenienced when they do.]] That's just a suggestion. But I-

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' But I- well... I-I-I think [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec for this whole sentence''] maybe, if you actually want to have a serious discussion- that's why I called... but... maybe let the chicken wait until we're done with our call, how about that? Cuz' I don't like calling you only to hear that you have something else to do even though this is the exact time you told me to call.

'''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' So. So. So, why don't we have our talk, and maybe the chicken will get cold, but you can microwave it when we're done.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So we had the understanding that we were not going to go back to the oversize ads again.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Okay, well, I can explain that. Do you remember how I told you that if you met my requirements exactly, I would remove the ads, but if you failed to meet my requirements, the ads would get worse? Do you remember when I said that to you?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes...I...that...

'''Alec:''' So you failed to meet my requirements. You did meet Evan's requirements, apparently. Evan is happy with you, and I'm proud of you for doing that, because Evan is, he's satisfied that you killed Simonla. However, I am not Evan, and I had different requirements than Evan.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, why are you not satisfied?

'''Alec:''' Mm. Well, there's a few reasons. First and foremost, you did not state all of the things that I told you to in your apology video. Like how Sonichu cannot make money in its current form and is a doomed franchise and you will need to start over with something original. You made no mention of that. Already. Next, your last apology video was... Well, "insincere" is kind of too lenient, if I called it that. It was just, it was just insulting. I mean, you obviously felt absolutely no remorse whatsoever. Even though you swore up and down to me when I talked to you that you did. But I'm pretty sure you just wanted to finish the phone call, and you thought that you could just read things off a list and that would please me. Oh, and then you hung up on me, I think like five or six times.

'''Chris:''' And I did, the last one I did apologize for that in the e-mail I sent you.

'''Alec:''' Um, but you hung up on me multiple times. Chris, I think that you believe, I think you believe that if you do something wrong and then you offer a superficial apology, you believe that gives you license to just do it all over again. You know, that's not what apology is about, right?

'''Chris:''' That is not what apologies are about.

'''Alec:''' Okay. And the reason you hung up on me is because you were trying to avoid me. You were trying to just brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I will admit that, the last one, and I apologize for that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. So, if you want that apology to mean anything, then in the future, including this call, and if we talk again, you are actually going to have to stick to that word and not ever again attempt to brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' That make sense? Now. Let's talk about those ads for a bit. If you notice, they really aren't ads for Asperpedia anymore. What I started, I started a new comic, called [[Sonichu Revolution]]. And that's actually what I'm using the adspace for. And what Sonichu Revolution is, it's actually, it's like a reboot of Sonichu, see, since you aren't uploading pages I thought I would do a nice thing for your fans and use my ad space to keep your fans happy.

'''Chris:''' [''has been trying to interrupt''] Well, no, I am, I am doing the pages now. Listen, your comic pages, they should, they should stay on your website, your website alone. I do not want your pages on my website that only shows my pages.

'''Alec:''' Oh, it's kinda too bad that I bought ad space on your website, when I gave you multiple opportunities to get out of me having web space, er, ad space on your website. You didn't take them. I can do what I want with my ad space.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' How many times did I, was I gracious enough to give you an extremely easy way out of all of this?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, not sure. Define, define "easy."

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, by "easy" I mean, how many times did I lay out a very clear, very specific set of requirements that I had of you, and where I promised that if you followed those requirements, exactly, then I would remove all my ads and I would do my best to stop Evan from, you know, attempting to sue you. Evan's, you know, in the past, he's happy now, but my ads are still an issue. And you know, I asked you to be sincere about the apology, which you never were.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, just to let you know, okay, well, I understand for, yes, uh, you did offer me with, you did tell me very descriptively, very detailed-ly, what you wanted, a number of times. I'm gonna est-, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna estimate like about five to 10 times at this point. Because we have not talked over the phone that much. For maybe 20, or 20 minutes, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, we've talked... Well, it's not quite that high. I think three or four times I specifically laid everything out for you.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, well, okay, at this point, yeah. An overbid is a good estimate.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one. So yeah, multiple times I gave you opportunities to, you know, to handle the situation and to come out scot-free. And, if I remember correctly, I did talk about how you are the luckiest person in the world, to have competition like me, who would be so generous and go out of his way to help his competition. I mean, a lot of other companies would have just blown you out of the water and not thought twice about it. But, you know, I like Sonichu, or I used to like it, back when you actually updated it, and I know that it does have some fans still and I wanted to see it continue. Because I don't want to just take over everything. I don't want to be the only artist out there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That's not fun. You kind of want to be the only artist in existence, I don't know why you want that. Why do you want that, anyway? Why do you not want other artists to exist?

'''Chris:''' Um, I never said, I never said that I did not want other artists to...

'''Alec:''' Well, you said it with your actions, if not with words directly.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, maybe...

'''Alec:''' I think we talked about that one time. Actions are louder than words, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, perhaps my actions were misunderstood in this case...

'''Alec:''' Ooh, not misunderstood in the least! Oh, no, your actions are very clear. You slandered and smeared me as much as you possibly could. You put all of your effort into trashing me rather than building up your own comic. There's... If you can convince me there's some way to misunderstand that, then you know, by all means try, but as far as I could see that was a pretty clear message. It's hard to misunderstand that, it's hard to misunderstand, you know, you repeatedly hanging up on me.

'''Barbara:''' [''Distant background''] Who are you on the phone with? [''She continues to occasionally make background noise'']

'''Chris:''' I know, I...

'''Alec:''' You've been out of commission for like three weeks, you haven't done shit for your fans. When are you going to come back with your comic?

'''Chris:''' I, I am, I, I still, I am, I have been working on my comic, for your information. I am up to pages in book number 11 where I have drawn that far, and I'm about halfway colored through all those pages which I drew up.

'''Alec:''' How many pages is that?

'''Chris:''' That's over 30 now.

'''Alec:''' Over 30. Really. How many days since you started that particular 30 pages.

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-ev6J9eodMU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:'''Has it been, like, what, two weeks? 15 days, around there?

'''Chris:''' Around there.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uh... I'm not really sure if asking this is going to be useful, but why would you partially complete 30 pages instead of, say, completing and uploading 20 pages? Or 25?

'''Chris:''' That would hap-, that would happen to make up for lost time on on my birthday, which is this coming, which is the next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what about your birthday? What are you going to do with it?

'''Chris:''' I'm going to upload all those, all those, all those pages, all the main pages in a bundle, in a bunch, on my birthday, which is next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, until then I think I'll just keep uploading Sonichu Revolution, because I want to please your fans, even if you don't. Chris, why, why would you...

'''Chris:''' I gave my new, I put up a new page yesterday as well. The last page I had...

'''Alec:''' So that... That, yep, I saw that, actually, that one page, plus I think you had two pages where you killed Simonla, so that's three pages total in like three weeks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, anyways...

'''Alec:''' I do two pages a day. That means I've uploaded, in the past 15 days I've uploaded 30 pages of my own. And it's... When's your birthday, like eight days from now? So I'll have another 16 pages up, so that's 46 pages...

'''Chris:''' Well, you are, you are mistaken, we're not talking about, we're not talking about eight days, my birthday is on the 24th. Of February.

'''Alec:''' Oh. My mistake. So six days. Well, I'll have 12 new pages by then. In addition to the 30 I've already uploaded.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, I didn't know when your birthday was.

'''Chris:''' Well, it's specifically stated on the, on my bio page on the CWCipedia, and in a couple other places. The 24th of February. 1982.

'''Alec:''' Hey, Chris. Chris. When is my birthday?

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I do not study your bio, I did not study your bio page...

'''Alec:''' Well, Chris, Chris, it's on my bio page on the Asperpedia. Why wouldn't you know it?

'''Chris:''' Well, I did not make an effort to study you, because...

'''Alec:''' I mean, if I'm supposed to know your page, don't you know mine? Chris, I'm kinda hurt.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I apologize for that, and after we're done here I'll go to your bio page and learn, and learn with my mind when your birthday is.

'''Alec:''' Nah, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. I'd rather you work on pages than go look up info about me. Because, you know, I actually don't know your birthday because I've been working on my pages rather than, you know, looking up your bio. Um, yeah, so, I do really have to recommend that you, um, begin uploading those 30 pages immediately. Like as soon as we're done with the call or whatever. It, just, get to work on it. Stay up all night if you have to. Get those pages up. Because, here's the thing about the way fans work. If you leave your fans in the dark for a week or two weeks or a month or however long, it really doesn't matter if you're partially completing something. Because if you don't put out any product, then your fans have nothing to work with. Have you ever heard of the game [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, you said Duke Nukem Forever?

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Well, you know the Duke Nukem video games? You ever played any of those?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I have seen, I have seen samples of that game.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Well, the company that made those, they were working on a game called Duke Nukem Forever. That was going to be their next great title. And they were working on that for actually about 15 years. And they kept promising, "Oh, you know, we've got the engine built, we've got the characters designed, we've got all this built, all that's left is for us to release it." And they never released it because they kept retooling and tinkering with it. And finally the company actually went out of business. So now there won't ever be any other Duke Nukems. And if you keep doing the same thing, Sonichu is going to go out of business. Well, not permanently, because I have Sonichu Revolution, so it'll live on in some form.

'''Chris:''' Well, yes, well, your, yes, well, still, your Rev-, your Revolutions are not the original, are not the original Sonichu pages, of which only I can draw up and tell.

'''Alec:''' But what they are is existent. And the fans appreciate that. Your pages are nonexistent.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And if you stop Sonichu, then, you know, the fans are going to want something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I get, well, don't worry, you will see, you will see, all those pages, and the completion of the 10th book.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, does this mean...

'''Chris:''' In fact, it's a...

'''Alec:''' I'm a little, I'm a little confused, how, what, do you remember when I told you... Well, of course you remember, I brought it up plenty of times, about how you really need to either do some sort of major reboot of Sonichu, or else just come up with a completely different comic? Because of all of the elements that you stole from other franchises? Are you still thinking about that? Because if you're going to finish book 10, then...

'''Chris:''' I have been thinking about that, actually.

'''Alec:''' What do you think about it?

'''Chris:''' Some of those, some of those changes will be talked about in the clip show that's gonna be in book 11.

'''Alec:''' Um... So, is book 11 gonna be like a transition from the current Sonichu to another one?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, yes, a transitions.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Oo-kay. Um, well, that's not really what a reboot is about. See, what you're doing, like a transition, suggests that the Sonichu that exists now is going to be, like, part of the same universe or world as whatever new Sonichu. What a reboot is, is a hard stop. You reset completely. You start over from scratch. Everything that came before is just, means nothing, it's null and void. Like, for example, the Spider-Man movies, they aren't in the same world as the comic, they were sort of a reboot. Because they told everything over from the beginning.

'''Chris:''' Hm. I see.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I mean, I know it's... I can sympathize with you on this. I mean, you've been working on Sonichu for 10 years now, and the thought that you have to abandon it completely and start over with something new, I understand that that's kind of a scary thought. But it is true.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Have you, have you, uh... What do you think of Sonichu Revolution, by the way? Have you been reading it? I'm only like seven pages in right now, so...

'''Chris:''' I have taken a look at it, and I did not like the way you were killing characters left and right! That's no good, it's just terrible! Don't go killing, don't go killing, don't go killing characters, that just does not, that just, that just does not, that just does not work. It's like...

'''Alec:''' Chris...

'''Chris:''' It's like doing Zombie X-Men, [[Wikipedia:Marvel Zombies|Marvel Zombies]].

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I remember that. That was actually a pretty popular comic, wasn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's actually on the [[PlayStation Network]] digital comic download, only on the [[PSP]] right now.

'''Alec:''' Well, I've seen it in stores, though. Well, it was pretty popular, was my point.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, that's, anyway, that's the point. That's still, like, you know, killing, you're just like killing everybody left and right. It's not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, how many, how many comic books and TV shows and movies and, you know, whatever other media have you seen where characters die? Do you think they're all bad?

'''Chris:''' Yes, well, well, yeah, they are bad, because that's just totally fake. And plus, to do it in such a gory way is just terrifying. It's like any, it's like any of the [[Saw]] movies. It's especially like, especially like the first trap in Saw VI.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies?

'''Chris:''' That was horrifying.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies, Chris? The Saw movies?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I liked them, I mean I enjoyed the falling, the telling...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] You liked them? But there's death in it! How could you like a movie that has death in it, Chris?! Death is bad. You said death is bad.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm not talking about...

'''Alec:''' Death is bad.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm not talking about the death part, I did not say I liked the death parts, I liked the building of the character of John Kramer. In the movies.

'''Alec:''' But the point is, you still liked the movies overall, right? I mean, you went to see them, you'd probably see them again?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, they were hor-, yeah, I mean, I will admit they are horrifying, and they do frighten me, but think about, but think about, think about...

'''Alec:''' Hence the genre, horror, if it's horrifying it's doing its job, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, but I mean, still, that's Hollywood magic, you know, that's, you know, the people, the actors in those movies are still, are still alive and well, they just...

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, right, I forgot, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|because comic characters are real people]] and apparently I'm guilty of, of multiple homicide now? Chris, you, remember when you killed [[Simonla]] because we strong-armed you into it, because you refused to do it willingly? Are you guilty of homicide now? Because you killed Simonla?

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|x9jVhBBZRVk}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript
'''Chris:''' No, actually, that would, actually, you could blame the Voltorb that was placed by the toilet, placed by the toilet that exploded. Because the Voltorb exploded, it blew up the...

'''Alec:''' Chris, you drew the Voltorb. You drew the Voltorb! Chris, you knew Simonla was going to die! You knew there was going to be a Voltorb there and you did nothing to stop it! You are an accessory to murder! Who cares if someone else placed it? You knew, of course you knew she was going to die because I've been telling you for weeks to kill her.

'''Chris:''' You're, you're, well, read, yeah, well, read the pages after I put 'em, after I put 'em all up and you will see that there is, that there was, that it wasn't preventable. That there was a way that, it could not have been prevented. You will find out.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um... Did you see my page where [[Son-Chu]] killed himself? Did you see how depressed he was? I couldn't have prevented that. Sometimes people are so depressed that you just can't reach them. And it's tragic but, you know, sometimes people commit suicide because they believe there's just no way out for them.

'''Chris:''' I have a question for you.

'''Alec:''' Oh?

'''Chris:''' You said you like Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Why did you make him, why did you draw him killing himself?

'''Alec:''' Soni-

'''Chris:''' If you liked him you would not have done that!

'''Alec:''' I didn't draw Sonichu killing himself. I said Son-Chu, your car, your... I don't want to say "Autobot" 'cause that's trademarked, but...

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, excuse me, well, I misunderstood. Well, yeah, that was, that was wrong. I mean, that was like you're killing my vehicle, it's like you're making me have to pay, like...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting off Chris''] No, Chris, I didn't kill your, I didn't kill him. He committed suicide. He was depressed because he had a name that he hated, and all the other Autobots made fun of him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the Autobot, the Autobots do not make fun of each other for their names.

'''Alec:''' No, they make fun of Son-Chu. Chris! Look at what he says in that page! He says that he hates his name because it's not a strong, manly Autobot name. Why would he lie?

'''Chris:''' Well, it's only because you're, you're putting...

'''Alec:''' He had nothing to lie about, he had nothing to lose. He was gonna kill himself.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I did not, I'm not the one that drew, that drew my car, my Autobot, to say that. I did not. You did that, pretending to be me, in a sense.

'''Alec:''' I wasn't pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' You were pretending to be...

'''Alec:''' Chris, look up at the page. Do you see on the comic page where it says "Copyright 2010 Alec Benson Leary"? I'm pretty sure that shows that I was not pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, you have no right, you have no right in killing a character that was originally mine, and that I have never said, have never said personally, had died. When a character dies, I will let every, I will let everybody know myself. Anybody else who, who makes up, who says outside of my jurisdiction, it's just a whole bunch of bogus baloney.

'''Alec:''' Well, maybe I can say it's a parody, and that'll make it okay, right? If Sonichu Revolution is a parody? Would that be okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It would?

'''Chris:''' I would accept that, yeah. And plus, don't make them so big. Maybe like three quarters of the current size, three quarters.

'''Alec:''' No. Nah. Then no one can read the text. I'm not gonna make it smaller, it's kinda hard to read the text already.

'''Chris:''' You should have those pages on your Asperpedia! People could just go over there and read them for themselves.

'''Alec:''' Um, but the whole point of Sonichu Revolution is to make up for your lack of updates. Why would I put it on my Asperpedia? That defeats the purpose. I, I'm...

'''Chris:''' But, but you're just...

'''Alec:''' I'm keeping the fans there for you, Chris!

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing...

'''Alec:''' You could thank me once.

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing those pages, not me.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, that's right, I'm drawing the pages. You're not drawing anything. Or you say you are, but we have no proof.

'''Chris:''' I am, I, you're wrong, I have been drawing the pages, and I have been coloring them.

'''Alec:''' But you're not uploading them.

'''Chris:''' Because I have, because I'm too busy working on the, working on coloring after I have drawn them all up! And plus, I have real life things, like I have to go hang, like I have to hang out with my family. I have errands to run...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting him off''] Chris! Take a guess, right, I want you to guess...

'''Chris:''' And plus...

'''Alec:''' Between, Chris, no, Chris! I want you to guess, between one and 10, how many hours did I spend in school yesterday? Take a guess, right now.

'''Chris:''' How many hours you spent in school yesterday...

'''Alec:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' The average of 10.

'''Alec:''' That's right. I spent 10 hours in school yesterday. I also uploaded a page of Sonichu Revolution yesterday.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, what about your job? You have your job as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. What about my job? I upload pages while I have a job and school. So what about my job?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you got all your, you're spending your time there as well.

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, well, I admit, I'm not sure really what the point I was trying to make there, I lost my train of thought.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, yeah. It's true that, yes, I spend a lot of time in school, and a lot of time at my job. And I, you know, and I have errands too. Not really for my family, I don't live with my family, but I do errands on my own.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright. Well, okay, well...

'''Alec:''' How much time... You've mentioned that several times, that you have to run errands for your family. Like, what do you have to do for them? What did you do yesterday? What... How... Like, are they having you break rocks with sledgehammers or something all day? Because you say it's like some huge, serious thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, they're old. I have to do chores for them. I have to do chores for them around the house. Like I had to even, I even shoveled snow to get the, to get the, to make a path for them and get the cars out. And my, and my car, it was stuck in, two front tires were stuck in their own dug grooves, and we finally, and finally got the car out of those two grooves today.

'''Alec:''' So you've been working on that solid, non-stop, just digging your car out? I mean... I live in Minnesota, you know, we get some bad snowstorms sometimes, and my car will just get completely buried in snow. And it might take me, like, in the worst-case scenario of storms, it might take me half an hour to dig enough snow out for my car to move. We usually don't get that much snow, though.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' You said some chores around your house, too, like besides shoveling. What else do you have to do?

'''Chris:''' I clean the kit-, I clean the kitchen, I do the, I vacuum, I move stuff around, I clean the bathroom as well, I do a lot of things around the house.

'''Alec:''' You kind of sound like you're talking to someone who has not seen that video [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of your house]] right now. And I want to let you know that I actually have seen it, so I'm pretty sure... [''Alec is interrupted by a rapid series of DTMF tones. Decoded so far: 3125632589632145896321258624231561523635832147413663574147236464''] Chris, can you hear me? Hello? Chris, are you pressing buttons? [''tones end'']

[''Note: Even though these calls are in one file, according to [[Clyde Cash]], Chris actually hung up on Alec at the end of the dial tones. Alec promptly called him back.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, Alec?

'''Alec:''' Hey, hey Chris, did we get disconnected there?

'''Chris:''' [[Lies|Yeah, 'fraid we did.]] It happens to me, between me and my, uh, gal-pal as well, in our conversations sometimes. Reception goes bad during this time of night.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Well, uh, glad I got you back. Okay, well, we were talking about, uh, the chores you need to do, I think, in your house. So you're saying you clean your house up?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Uh, okay, um... Have you cleaned your, cleaned your room at all?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do clean my room.

'''Alec:''' Mmm, how much do you clean it?

'''Chris:''' I clean my room like once a week.

'''Alec:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' O-kay. So, how long does it take when you do that? Because if you do that once a week, that's just, like, maintenance, shouldn't take too long.

'''Chris:''' It takes like two hours.

'''Alec:''' Two hours. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Alec:''' Um... How long does it take you to clean the rest of the house?

'''Chris:''' It takes me, it pretty much takes me one to two hours per room.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Okay. Like, what do you do when you clean? What specific stuff do you do?

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|jkjhKhoVEuU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' I move this, I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I take, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work, back-breaking!

'''Alec:''' Back-breaking.

'''Chris:''' Yes. My back hurts.

'''Alec:''' I hope you don't mean... Your back hurts from cleaning?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, after extensive long time, I mean, sure.

'''Alec:''' I thought you, I thought you were strong, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[I AM STRONG|I am strong]].

'''Alec:''' Why would your back just... How strong are you? Like... Because it seems the videos...

'''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm very strong. Believe me, I'm very strong.

'''Alec:''' Really. Like... Uh...

'''Chris:''' Anybody, anybody, anybody will tell you that, like, yeah, they, they just feel like they break their backbones after, after a very extensive time scrubbing the floors, getting up and down, as well.

'''Alec:''' You should get a Swiffer. Swiffer Wet-Jet, because then you can stand while you're scrubbing the floor. I use it, it's really useful.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' It's quick, too.

'''Chris:''' Well, we don't have it, we don't have that here.

'''Alec:''' Huh. Maybe you could sell some of those video games like I was talking about. Then you could afford one. Have you thought at all about selling any more of your, your games, Chris? Because...

'''Chris:''' No, I have no plans, I have no plans of that at the moment.

'''Alec:''' Why would you want to hold on to video games that you don't play anymore?

'''Chris:''' I do play them, when I feel nostalgic...

'''Alec:''' ALL of them? Chris, you've got... How many [[List of Chris's games|hundreds of games]] do you have? And you play all of them regularly? Is that what you're telling me?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Regularly, like... Yeah. Every, like, uh, I'd say, yeah, on a regular basis I do.

'''Alec:''' Every single one.

'''Chris:''' Yeah!

'''Alec:''' That must take, that must take a lot of time.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Is video-game-playing back-breaking too? Just out of curiosity? I wouldn't think it would be.

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, but it's one way for me to relax after I, after I have done the work of cleaning the room. Or shoveling the snow in the yard.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but you only clean once a week, and shoveling, that doesn't happen all the time. I know Virginia got a snowstorm recently, right, but that was kinda like a one-time thing.

'''Chris:''' That's, well, okay, well, just to correct you, I was not talking about cleaning period once a week, we're talking about cleaning my room once a week. And, and then, we have other, then, it's like, on another day I'll clean up the kitchen, and on another day I'll clean up the living room, on another day I'll clean up the, I'll clean up my parents' bedroom...

'''Alec:''' Chris, I've seen the video tour of your house.

'''Chris:''' That's like, that was, that was like, that was like over, that was like over a year ago.

'''Alec:''' Over a year ago. You really... You should film a new tour, then, actually, because people still think that your house is, you know, a mess like that.

'''Chris:''' I'll think, well, I'll consider that.

'''Alec:''' You really should, you know. It would be a good idea. Chris, here's, okay, here's what I don't get about you. There are so many things, like, you know, if your house is clean, you could just make a video and show people that. And if you've really been working on the pages, you could just upload them. And if, you know, if you wanted to prove to people that you have [[Nintendo]]'s permission to use [[Pikachu]], shit like that, you could just show them the letter that Nintendo sent you, that gives you permission. Why do you, why do you take the hard way through everything? Why do you want to keep receiving, you know, demands and questions about this and that subject when one little action on your part could just stop all of it?

'''Chris:''' Because for me it's not all that easy.

'''Alec:''' What's not easy about it? Like, okay, the Nintendo...

'''Chris:''' Because, I'll, I'll just, also [[Bob|my father]]'s [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|still very angry at me]] for doing the video touring the house over a year ago. And he's making me all mad, he's very angry...

'''Alec:''' Why, why, why was he angry about it? Just refresh my memory.

'''Chris:''' It's like an invasion of privacy?

'''Alec:''' How is it an invasion? You live there, I mean, it's your house, if you choose to upload a video, that's not an invasion of privacy. If you [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|try to videotape people without their consent]], that would be an invasion of privacy. But I don't think your parents were in that video.

'''Chris:''' You don't, you don't, you don't understand, I, and I forget all of the details my father said, but he's still very angry at me for doing, for having done that.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, I guess if you say he's angry then okay, that's that, but... Um, what about, um... Well, like the Nintendo thing. Couldn't you... Did Nintendo, like, write you a letter saying, you know, yes, go ahead and use Pikachu? Couldn't you just scan that and show that to people? 'Cause everybody...

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter.

'''Alec:''' You mis-, you misplaced it?

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That seems like a really important thing, how could you misplace that? And if you clean your house so regularly, I mean, it seems like you would find things that you had lost regularly.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It takes, yeah, moving, moving stuff, if I had, I had, I regularly look at stuff, and that, and it got misplaced that way.

'''Alec:''' I'm sure you could just actually call up Nintendo, because... I mean, that would be... You know, the legal department of a company keeps records of everything they do. They would be happy to just fax you or send you another copy of the letter.

'''Chris:''' I'll keep that in mind.

'''Alec:''' Businesses lose papers sometimes, and you know, that's why there's redundancy, that's why. And not only your fans, you know, but if you showed that letter publicly, then I couldn't demand that you admit Sonichu's a doomed franchise, now, could I? You wouldn't, you wouldn't even have to do the reboot? I mean, think about it. If either you, you know, reboot your entire comic that you've been working on for 10 years, that's one choice, or your other choice is, you just call up Nintendo and ask them to send another letter, and show it to everyone.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Destroy 10 years of personal hard labor, or show a letter.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well, I will think, I will, I will look, I will look into that later.

'''Alec:''' Um, okay. Um, this is reminding me of... In your recent, where you started updating the Mailbags again, um... Let me take a look at a Mailbag, because I don't remember the exact phrase, but... You responded with kind of a stock phrase to a lot of letters. Let's see here. Um, where is it. Ah! "Your letter has been read fully and your thoughts have been in-pyoo-ted..." I guess inputted. "And accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts." Chris, you spend even less time responding to these e-mails than you do normally. What's up with that?

'''Chris:''' Okay, for your information I actually read, I actually read and re-read each letter before I make a final response.

'''Alec:''' But your final response is, is not thought out at all. See, this is kind of an interesting parallel to your comic work, because you say, you say that you...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, well, there are points where, there are points, there are points where I don't...

'''Alec:''' [''trying to interrupt''] Chris, Chris, Chris. CHRIS. CHRIS! Let me talk, and don't interrupt, alright? I will let you speak after I finish this sentence. This is how it goes. One person speaks, the other person responds, the first person is... Okay. Um, you say that you spend a lot of time "reading and re-reading" and really considering the letters, but when it comes time for the final step, which is, you know, the response, you don't really put any effort into that. And that's an interesting parallel to your comics, because you say you spend a lot of time drawing and coloring and, you know, preparing your pages, but that final step, uploading them, you don't put any effort into that. So it seems... It kind of sounds like you go 90 percent of the way, but you don't actually finish that crucial last 10 percent. And just to let you know, people are mad about this stock response that you made.

'''Chris:''' Well, when it comes to the Mailbag, it's just that, you know, even after re-reading it, I still cannot, I still could not come up with an appropriate response. So I had to go with a neutral response.

'''Alec:''' Why... What do you mean, you can't come up with a... There's a lot of different subjects to these letters, and you give the same neutral response to every one. Are you telling me that all of these subjects, you really can think of absolutely nothing?

'''Chris:''' There are a few subjects on which I come up blank! Yes. I'll admit that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um... Like... Um, someone wrote you a letter about your comments about homosexuals being bigoted and offensive, and you gave the stock response to that. Um, that seems like a huge Achilles' heel with you, is if people mention the word "homosexual." Your mind goes blank.

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, of course, I could not think of an appropriate response to that letter.

'''Alec:''' "Your comments..." I'm reading the letter right now. "Your comments on homosexuals are bigoted and offensive. You want them to die in explosions. You want a vaccine for them, just because they tick you off..." Um, the last two parts, those are actually very clear questions, as far as I can see. Like, if someone asked me those questions... If someone asked me, "Do you want homosexuals to die in explosions?" I would tell them, "No." If someone asked me, "Do you want a vaccine for them just because they tick you off?" I would explain, "No, homosexuals don't actually tick me off, and I would never want to vaccinate them." I just came up with that right now. That would be my response if such a question was asked of me. And that's not even that long of a response. You don't need a page worth of response.

==Part 5==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Mtn9-Be1p8c}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
| next = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus, plus I perceived that, because I perceived those statements as insults, and...

'''Alec:''' Oh, so we're back to everything is an attack on you, this... Remember when you thought that my ads were an attack on you? So now someone... So, so you thought my ads were an attack on you, now this homosexual thing, um, you've made plenty of offensive comments about homosexuals, which they could, and plenty have interpreted as attacks by you. And so when someone asks you about them, how is that an attack on you?

'''Chris:''' They said when I, it was an e-mail, and that's in that where you just read about it, they called me bigoted.

'''Alec:''' That's because you are bigoted. You want...

'''Chris:''' I am not bigoted.

'''Alec:''' You hate homosexuals. How many, how many times...

'''Chris:''' I actually said that, actually I have, actually, thanks to [[Jack Thaddeus]] I recently, I have, I actually see them in a more positive light! It was, I think it was...

'''Alec:''' Is that the same Jack Thaddeus that is an evil villain, that does underhanded deals for ad space?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Well, you kinda flip-flop a lot. No, forget what I said. Um...

'''Chris:''' Uh, well, well, for your information, though, specifically, Jack Thaddeus has told me about, uh, homosetts-, about homosexuals from his point of view and how that they would never, they would never make any actions towards me because I'm not even try-, I'm not even that attractive to him.

'''Alec:''' You know, Chris...

'''Chris:''' Attract him. 'Cause he's a homosettsual.

'''Alec:''' Uhh-huh. You know, um, I've actually been hit on, I've been hit on by homosexuals, once in a while. It happens to me in my life.

'''Chris:''' Oo-kay.

'''Alec:''' It's, I never got ticked off by it, I never saw it as offensive. I mean, I'm, I'm not gay, so I wouldn't really be interested, but if, if someone, man or woman, thinks I'm attractive, then, you know, well, it's flattering. Even if I'm not interested. Why would you think it's an attack if a gay person finds you attractive? I take it as a compliment that people think I'm attractive.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, it's, yeah, well, still, I mean, if I was, well, okay, well, if a homosexual came up to me and flirted with me like that, I wouldn't, uh, no, no, I would let them know that, no...

'''Alec:''' That you're not interested?

'''Chris:''' And, yeah, I cannot accept your, I cannot accept that because I'm not interested, I am straight, nnn...

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, that's...

'''Chris:''' And then leave it at that.

'''Alec:''' That sounds, yeah, that sounds like a good...

'''Chris:''' And then, then, if the, and then if the guy continued to, continue on like that after the warning, then I would get really mad.

'''Alec:''' Well, that's understandable. And you know what? That happens, not just with gay people. I mean, straight people, plenty of straight people have trouble getting a hint. I mean, you know, guys, all the time, there are guys who, you know, hit on a girl, and she says, "No, thank you, I'm not interested", and they just keep pressing the point. [[Megan|Overstepping their boundaries]]. [[Kacey|Trying to hold their hands, things like that]]. That is... You know, in a situation like that, it's perfectly acceptable to get offended if they don't respect, er, if they don't respect your, um, your decline. Your negative response. You see? Um, but I... When, when did you talk to Jack about this, this homosexual thing? When did you have that conversation?

'''Chris:''' It was about, it was like over a, it was like over a week ago.

'''Alec:''' When did you answer Mailbag 52? Pretty sure it was less than a week ago, wasn't it? Because if your issues with homosexuals are resolved now, then why couldn't you offer a simple response to that? Okay, here's what you could have said. Um... Well, just to be clear, do you still want a vaccine for homosexuals?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Uh, I'm sorry, I did not understand, I do not understand that. Could you repeat that please?

'''Alec:''' [''slowly this time''] Do you want to create a vaccine to eliminate homosexuality?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hmm...

'''Alec:''' Do you understand that?

'''Chris:''' Honestly... Yeah, okay, yeah, I understood that. So yeah, you're asking me that right now. Or are you, or are you just, I mean, uh, okay.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I am asking you right now.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''pause''] In an attempt to make a better world, a better world, I would support it. I would support that.

'''Alec:''' Oooo-kay, so, when you said that you don't have problems with gays anymore, that wasn't actually true. Chris, well, like I said, I'm not gay, but I have a number of gay friends, um, a few family members that are gay, and it's part of who they are. That's part of their identity. Why would you want to take that away from them? What, what about removing homosexuality would make the world a better place? [''exasperated sigh''] It shouldn't be that hard, Chris, because you already, um, established a predicate that "no gays equals the world is a better place." So, having said that, that must mean that you do have an idea of how the two things are connected.

'''Chris:''' Uh... Well, what two things?

'''Alec:''' Chris, do you... Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Chris, you said, you said "no gays equals the world is a better place." That, "no gays" is point one. That connects to "world is better," point two. How do those connect? What is... Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, well, yeah, okay, now I get it, I mean, it's just that, you know, uh, [[Lies|I'm getting an incoming call right now]], and, uh, taking it will interrupt this conversation...

'''Alec:''' Well, you should probably ignore it. Yeah. Um, so please...

'''Chris:''' It's like, hard to, though, it cancels, it cancels your, it cancels your vocal input out at that point when the...

'''Alec:''' Well, did you... Yeah. Did you hear my point, though? Please explain how no gays equals world's better.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] You know, okay, well, I'm not necessarily saying... I'm not saying that as in reference to them as people. I'm saying that in reference, and like...

'''Alec:''' Well, removing, removing homosexuality equals a world better. Explain that.

'''Chris:''' Because there will be less risk of those people going to hell.

'''Alec:''' Hell?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. When they die.

'''Alec:''' What do you... Oh, you mean instead of heaven?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you're saying gay people go to hell? Um, so are you, you're a Christian, then? If you believe that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' What, um, like... You know, it's been a while since I've read a Bible, where in the Bible is that whole gays-go-to-hell thing?

'''Chris:''' It's implied within parts of the Bible.

'''Alec:''' Well, it's, understandably it's implied in parts of the Bible, I'm asking where. I'm not a Christian, so I don't have to read the Bible, but you're a Christian, when's the last time you read the Bible?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I have read the Bible, but...

'''Alec:''' You're sitting here judging people based off their sexuality without even knowing, like, you know, what parts of the Bible... Hey, hey, um, [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|you know what else the Bible condemns? Black magic]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] So?

'''Alec:''' How many times have you tried to curse people? Cursing is black magic. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I get it. It get, I get what you're saying right now.

'''Alec:''' So you're going to hell, right?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, I'm making, I'm making atones for that.

'''Alec:''' Uhhhh...are you? Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Well, you... I asked you to give Mao a Forgiveness Blessing, that was the most lackluster one I've ever seen you do. Do you believe that black magic, uh, works, Chris?

'''Chris:''' There's a po-, there's a chance that it can, but...

'''Alec:''' Um, not if you're Christian. Because the Christian God says that all magic and supernatural stuff that doesn't come from God is false.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I, I have no comment to that.

==Part 6==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|dR_lXG9HYOU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
| next = [[#Part 7|Part 7]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' Okay, well, um... Let's go back to the gay thing, because, you know, we've established that you don't really know a whole lot about the religion you claim to believe in.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So I would, I would, um, when you're in the absence of important information like that, I would think, just go with what you know. Go with what you see. And by that I mean, you know, you've never been attacked by a homosexual, they've never done anything evil to you.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Actually, yes, I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk.

'''Alec:''' What did he say to you?

'''Chris:''' I don't 'member, I don't remember what he said to me, but they were offensive.

'''Alec:''' Um, so... Okay, well, there are bad gay people, just like there are bad straight people. Um... So, one gay person did something bad to you that you don't really remember, therefore all gay people are going to hell? Is that the logic you're doing there?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, more or less.

'''Alec:''' How many... Okay, so, I should condemn all straight people because you've been horrible to me. You've said a lot of bad things to me, you've threatened me. Maybe, or, not just straight, maybe I should condemn autistic people, because you identify with autism a lot and you've been a very bad person in most of our dealings.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Are all autistic people, um, really selfish and demanding and...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Not all of them are.

'''Alec:''' But all homosexuals are bad? Because you had one bad experience? That's a double standard.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay, well, okay, well, they're all not. [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Well. You know, I'll wait to see if you really stick to that belief or not, I guess. I mean, I guess it's good that you're saying it now, but... Why do you sigh so much?

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm a little tired right now. I had to, I actually cleaned more, I cleaned the kitchen again today.

'''Alec:''' [[Biological clock|Don't you usually stay up to like 4:00 A.M. or something]], you said? This is kinda like the middle of the day for you, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' No, this is not the middle of the day for me, this is the middle of the night for me.

'''Alec:''' But... Okay, you said you sleep until like noon, right? And then you stay up 'til like three or four at night. That's kind of a, that's a really weird schedule, by the way.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, late-, actually I am, I'm mostly going to bed before midnight and I get up at like 9:00 A.M.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Well. I actually go to bed, like, around 11, so I'm closer to my bedtime than you are to yours, but I feel fine. We all get tired, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Anyway...

'''Alec:''' Um, what do you think of... Let's see here...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' [''long pause''] Um, oh, here's another good question. When someone asked you about the Mailbag that you fabricated, and you gave them that stock response again. I just, I really want to see you actually... My, my main goal right now is I want to see you put real effort into your Mailbags.

'''Chris:''' I will... I put as much effort as I could, but it's, you know, sometimes I do come up blank, and that cannot be helped.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you're... I know you've said plenty of times, you're a pretty smart guy, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but sometimes I'm quick, sometimes I'm [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow]].

'''Alec:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' It just happens! I don't know why. It's my head. I'm not a psychiatrist. A psychologist.

'''Alec:''' You don't have to be a... You... You remember that [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|Mike Jackson memorial e-mail]] you got here? You used the copy-and-paste response on that too.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Yeah, well, I didn't know who that was, I didn't realize that that was the, uh, that was a guy that, that went out, and that moved out when their, the prostitute did. Lose him. And I apologize...

'''Alec:''' I thought that you, I thought that you said that you spent a lot of time reading and carefully re-reading these e-mails. How do you not know the basics of what it's about?

'''Chris:''' Well, I miss a detail or two sometimes, it happens to a lot!

'''Alec:''' You missed all the detail, Chris! You missed all the detail.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I thought they were talking about Michael Jackson, the pop star.

'''Alec:''' Maybe if you'd read the e-mail you would've, you know, seen that that wasn't the case? Did you even look at that memorial? Chris, do you...

'''Chris:''' I can say I have not looked... I did not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, why do you not put effort into anything?

'''Chris:''' [''sudden anger''] I do put effort in every-, in everything!

'''Alec:''' Everything?! No! I told you that your website was going to get taken down because of a lawsuit over a stolen character, and you did nothing. I tell you you gotta upload pages and you do nothing. I tell you you gotta respond...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am working on the pages...

'''Alec:''' But you don't upload them!

'''Chris:''' Yes I will, yes I do, and I will!

'''Alec:''' No, "will" is different from "do." "Will" is the future tense, and it hasn't happened yet.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] I'm getting tired, I'm getting tired of this. You're raising your voice at me, I'm not, and I'm not, I don't appreciate it.

'''Alec:''' Well, I... I think I kind of, I'm just trying to enunciate a point, I'm trying to get you to respond.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... A person raising their voice, that really is enough to just, you know, completely discombobulate you? Besides, you yelled at me first.

'''Chris:''' No, you raised your voice at me first.

'''Alec:''' No. No. I asked you, "Chris, why do you not care about anything? And you screamed, "I DO CARE!"

'''Chris:''' You're being, you're being, you're being ridiculing to me.

'''Alec:''' Uh, is that the pot calling the kettle black? Chris, I want to, I want to understand why it is okay for you to do so many things to other people that make you mad when they do them back to you. Please, I'm asking you a simple question. Please explain this to me. Why is it that any level, any tiny level of stress or inconvenience, and you immediately will fall back on, you know, you're being attacked, or you're being, you know, your world is...

'''Chris:''' It just happens, espec-, it just happens, especially when I'm tired.

'''Alec:''' No. That's not an excuse. That is not an excuse. That's an excuse that a child uses. Children complain that they have to do a little bit of hard, you know, work, or deal with unpleasant situations. Honestly? I have been very polite with you, Chris. I don't swear at you, except, you know, on a few occasions where you really piss me off, but for the most part I don't. I don't yell at you, I raise my voice in response to you raising your voice. I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm just tired right now.

'''Alec:''' [''snorts'']

'''Chris:''' And you know, considering your bed at 11:00, uh, you probably want to finish this up, want to wrap this up as well. So I...

'''Alec:''' No, I'm doing good.

'''Chris:''' Let's just that, let's just agree that, uh, I will be uploading the pages, and uh, what you got, perhaps, perhaps after book 10 is completed, uh, we could, uh, actually, you know what...

'''Alec:''' Well, you know what? If you want to...

'''Chris:''' Don't worry about the ads, don't worry about that, uh, ad space at this point. I'll just agree to that, but, uh, but, yeah, but you know...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Please, Stop, Running, Away from me, Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

'''Alec:''' [''snort''] I know you're not literally running away, but you're trying to end the conversation because I'm making you feel bad.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And it's not even because I'm attacking or insulting you, I'm just presenting, you know, a few things that are very minorly unpleasant.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Okay, well, with that, uh, sometimes, there are things that, yeah, we don't, we generally, we would not prefer, we would prefer the opposite of unpleasant.

'''Alec:''' You seem to prefer the opposite of unpleasant literally all the time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Any little bit of stress and you run for the hills. You avoid anything unpleasant, even, even in cases where dealing with a small problem now will avert a very big problem later. You always choose the hard way.

==Part 7==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|BgDOe0U4F9w}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' You choose to deal with the big problem that you could have avoided. Bad news is gonna happen, Chris, life is not all fun and games.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure, well, I'm sure that that's happened to you and you actually had to do that as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but then I turned 10 and I started learning to get over it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Man the fuck up, Chris. Pardon my language, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get, I get, and I said that.

'''Alec:''' You're gonna have to show that with your actions, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And I will.

'''Alec:''' Do you believe that we, um, could ever be friends, Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Maybe.

'''Alec:''' Maybe?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, you gotta start listening to people that are trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' I am open to, I am open to opinions and thoughts when they are presented in a non-condescending, uh, appro-, acceptable tone, or, or whatever.

'''Alec:''' That's what you always say, but you never act on them. I'm showing you things you haven't done, and you still don't do them. Because I've done this with you several times.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah. I will, listen, I gotta go, I'm really, seriously, I'm feeling really sleepy right now.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, have a good night. Maybe I'll talk to you later.

'''Chris:''' Alright. Take care. Bye-bye.

[''Call ends'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBY2M3SW5ybWg0Q2s The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxfkNdoV3fM Youtube version: part 1]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7

2013-12-23T22:40:58Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7''' is the seventh of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 08 February 2010. They discuss the locking of the [[CWCipedia]] on 6 February 2010, as well as Chris's [[5_February_2010|apology video]] from the previous day.

The conversation is extremely one-sided, with many long pauses and silences following Alec's comments. Chris has very little to say except when goaded, and even then his answers are sullen and short. While Alec makes a dogged attempt to reason with him, he fails.

=Summary=

As the conversation begins, Chris is predictably unhappy about the locking of the CWCipedia to edits. Supposedly, he was planning to get back to answering [[Mailbag]] entries after a long period of computer trouble.

Alec presses Chris on the subject of doing away with his infringing character [[Simonla]] and publishing a written apology to [[Evan]] in the pages of his comic. Chris is obviously resistant, and indeed admitted in a [[9_February_2010|later video]] that he [[Lie|never intended]] to give up Simonla.

The topic then moves to Chris's [[I_am_Alive|second apology video]]. Alec argues that Chris was merely going through the motions and didn't actually understand or care about what he was apologizing for. Chris lamely attempts to claim otherwise, but it's obvious that Alec is correct. At around this point in the conversation, Chris becomes increasingly withdrawn and doesn't seem to be listening to much of what Alec has to say.

Alec rouses Chris briefly by challenging him on his misconception of what the term "[[biological clock]]" actually means. He also gets a reaction by claiming that Chris doesn't actually care about his comic. In response, Chris blames his broken-down computer for his failure to publish more pages and updates. Apparently, it was disabled by a power surge for a few days in early February. When Alec points out that Chris could easily have spent some of his [[List of Chris's games|video game budget]] on a more reliable computer, Chris has no response.

The conversation finally ends when Alec lays into Chris for the massive amount of time he flushes away on games and flailing around at invisible enemies on the internet. When Alec attempts to dish out some valuable advice regarding Chris's total waste of his life, Chris hangs up.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|CQRXNy7EGSs}}
| Stardate = 08 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

 '''Chris''': Hello? 
 '''Alec''': Hey, Chris, it's Alec. 
 '''Chris''': Hello, Alec. 
 '''Alec''': How are you? You're good? 
 '''Chris''': I'm doing okay, I'm doing okay. 
 '''Alec''': Cool, cool. Ah, just calling to see how things are going with...well, I know that Evan went forward with freezing the CWCipedia on you. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. So, uh...what are you thinking about that? 
 '''Chris''': What am I thinking about that? I can't edit it, I can't edit squat! 
 '''Alec''': Well... 
 '''Chris''': I was gonna answer some more Mailbag letters! 
 '''Alec''': Well... 
 '''Chris''': I finally got my [[Computers|PC]] back and running after a weekend of not having it after a power fail- after a power failure. [''[[sigh]]''] 
 '''Alec''': Well, you know, um, I think the thing here is you did kinda drop the ball on getting the pages up, you know, as quick as possible. 
 '''Chris''': I am gonna get the pages up, and Simonla will be, Simonla will be killed. 
 '''Alec''': Um, well, that's good, I'm just...you know, Evan, he got kinda impatient, because he was waiting a long time for this. I talked to him about it, but he's, he wasn't keen to move on it. He just wanted to. Do you have them finished? The Simonla death page and the apology page? 
 '''Chris''': And I'll, and I'll have them, I'll have them upload...either tomorrow or Wednesday, whenever the thing is un-frozen. 
 '''Alec''': I think Evan wants you to show them to him first, just to make sure they're good. 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': Well, you know, can you blame him? He just wants to see the product before he un-freezes the site. 'Cause if it's not what he wants then he's going to re-freeze the site, and that's a hassle for him. He's gotta make sure you're good on your word. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. Alright, yeah. I'll, I'll send them to him, I have them sent to him tomorrow. 
 '''Alec''': Alright. Well, you know, that's between you and Evan. I'm going to, I'm gonna go ahead and say that I'm just not satisfied with your apology video, and I don't think I'll be asking you to make another, because it's...it's become apparent to me that...I don't think you really even understand what you did wrong. 'Cause that video, well, first of all, the call last time, you were just aching to get off the phone with me. You were just trying to hurry the call along. And then the video, you just read off a list. It was rather apparent that you didn't put any thought into why I wanted you to say those things at all. And that was really the point, Chris, it wasn't about getting you to read things off a list, it was about getting you to... 
 '''Chris''': [''interrupting''] Well, I mean, yeah, actually I did, actually I did get the point behind everything. 
 '''Alec''': There was even less emotion in your voice in that video than there is normally, when you apologize for something. I mean I've seen apology videos you made before and they're all pretty lackluster, but this one was just like a slap in the face. You didn't say Sonichu was a failing franchise, either. That was part of my list. Sonichu can't make money. And you said you would say it, but you didn't. You know, you weren't actually sorry. You said those things that I asked you to say because you thought that reading them off a list would get my ads off of your site. I took my ads off your site for the moment, just because I don't really want Asperchu associated with your perennial legal troubles, but if you do get CWCipedia back up, then my ads are going back, because I'm not satisfied. That's if you get it up, Chris, because as far as I can tell you don't really even care about Sonichu that much. 
 '''Chris''': Oh yes I do! 
 '''Alec''': Well... 
 '''Chris''': I have to [''garbled''] in the pages. 
 '''Alec''': Chris, I warned you numerous times, over the past several weeks, that someone was targeting you for a lawsuit over problems you were causing with Sonichu. If I was warned that someone was targeting me for a lawsuit, and they had grounds to sue me, I would deal with it right away. I would drop what I was doing. I mean, you had time, Chris. You had all the time in the world. 
 '''Chris''': Hmm. 
 '''Alec''': Doesn't that seem reasonable to you? You don't go to school. You don't have a job. You know, I asked you what your day was like, last time I talked to you, and you said that you were sleeping in 'til eleven in the morning. I mean, eleven, Chris? That's ridiculous. I would kill to be able to sleep in all day. I have to get up early every day because I have things that I need to do. I mean, you could have slept in 'til ten instead and then used the extra hour to make the apology page, or make an apology video, or both. 
 '''Chris''': Some days... 
 '''Alec''': I mean, I don't understand what this whole "biological clock" thing is that you keep falling back on. Are you even listening to me right now? You weren't listening last time. I think you said in... 
 '''Chris''': You know what, look it up, do you know what, look it up on Wikipedia. 
 '''Alec''': Look up what? 
 '''Chris''': Biological, biological clock! 
 '''Alec''': Biological clock? 
 '''Chris''': Now I'm... 
 '''Alec''': "Biological clock" is a phrase that women usually use to their most fertile reproductive years. I really have no reason, no understanding of why you would apply that to yourself. 
 '''Chris''': It means, it, it reference to, to sleeping schedule. 
 '''Alec''': [''sigh of his own''] You know, I don't have problems with sleeping, any sleeping schedule. I think maybe, I think, you know, what happens with a lot of people when they have absolutely nothing to do with their days, that's when their sleep schedule gets messed up. See, I have a routine, I have to go to work, and I have to go to school, and I work on my comic because I care about my comic. You don't have a job or school and you don't care about your comic, therefore your body... 
 '''Chris''': I actually do, I actually do care about my stuff! I care about my stuff! 
 '''Alec''': Your actions say otherwise. You know, you don't upload any pages, how many times have I told you, you have to start uploading pages? Not just when I wanted you to make the apology page, I just mean in general. But you don't, you didn't listen. 
 '''Chris''': Well, I have been working on the pages, and I will be uploading them as soon as the thing gets un-frozen! And I had to go through my, without a PC the past weekend, because I was on a power failure! 
 '''Alec''': Power failure? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah! 
 '''Alec''': Like the power was knocked out all weekend? That doesn't stop you from drawing... 
 '''Chris''': It was actually knocked out, it was actually knocked out for about 40 minutes, but then it took me a lot longer for me to get my computer back up and running. 
 '''Alec''': Um, I have blackouts on occasion and my computer shuts off, and then when the power comes on I just press the power button. My computer comes back up in a minute. 
 '''Chris''': You know, for me, it can't, it, it came, I tried powering back on and then, and then the farthest it had gotten was just the introductory HP Pavilion blue screen. And then it would go into looking like one of those color bars where the station's not broadcasting. 
 '''Alec''': So what you're saying is you don't take care of the equipment that you need to do your comic. 
 '''Chris''': I admit I need a new computer. 
 '''Alec''': Why can't you buy one? I've seen... 
 '''Chris''': I can't afford one right now. 
 '''Alec''': I've seen videos of you in your room, you've got a fancy, you've got like a 40-inch HDTV in there, you've got your PlayStation 3, you've got a wall full of video games, but you can't afford a basic computer? Nothing fancy, costs maybe a couple hundred bucks. I could go buy myself 10 new computers right now if I wanted. Good computers. I wouldn't do it because I save my money, but the fact that I'm capable is proof of that. How many video games do you own that you don't play, Chris? 
 '''Chris''': I play all my games in, within my lifetime, for your information. 
 '''Alec''': How many of them do you currently play? I've played a lot of games in my lifetime, but I own very few right now, because as soon as I'm done with them I usually sell them. You sure have a lot of time on your hands, Chris, to play all those games, for that matter. I've never come close to owning as many games as you have. Chris, how many hours a week do you spend on video games right now? 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] I dunno, I'd say about... 

=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|SOcJBMaPj1g}}
| Stardate = 08 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
 '''Chris''': -maybe two or four a day? 
 '''Alec''': That's an awful lot of time to be spending on video games per day. And that is time that you could be using on your comic, if you cared about your comic, but obviously you care more about video games. 
 '''Chris''': I do care about my comic, it's just I have, it's just I use that, it's actually between drawing, drawing page, between drawing and coloring. 
 '''Alec''': But you could use that video game time to upload them. And you never did that. 
 '''Chris''': Oh yes I do! 
 '''Alec''': How many days have you missed since you promised you would upload two pages a day? You don't care. Your actions say that you don't care. Actions speak louder than words, Chris. I don't even consider you competition anymore, do you know that? Because you, you obviously, my competition are artists who actually care about their work, and you play video games all day. And then you sleep in, because you have nothing to do. And then you, when you do actually take time to do something, you don't actually work on your comic, you just attack me. And then when I'm nice to you, you continue to attack me. And then when I get mad and yell at you, you back down right away, because you can't stand up in a fight. And then when I'm nice again, because I think to myself, "I don't wanna keep yelling, because I'm not that kind of person," then you become disrespectful again. Do you have anything to say, Chris?

[''total silence'']

 '''Alec''': He hung up.

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|Chris and Alec Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|}}

=External links=
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?137kyhrdc4jpb3v The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y80N40s3JmA The Call on Youtube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6

2013-12-23T22:38:55Z

Duncans Construction: /* Video */

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6''' is the sixth of the calls between Chris and Alec Benson Leary, which took place on 04 February 2010. As Alec notes several times, Chris is far too agreeable to Alec's conditions, and at times simply doesn't seem to be listening.

The end result of the demands was the [[I am Alive|C-log of 5 February 2010]], in which Chris half-asses his way through most of Alec's requests.

As a result, the [[CWCipedia]] was shut down from February 6 to February 12. When it was brought back up, the Asperchu ads were made worse, just as Alec promised.

=Summary=

Alec spends much of the phone call dictating his list of demands to Chris and asking Chris to recite this list multiple times. Alec repeatedly tells Chris that if Chris meets all of his demands, the ads for the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]] will be removed from the CWCipedia, but if his demands are not met in full, his ads will get worse. All the while, Chris tries to rush the phone conversation, clearly not taking this shit seriously enough. Alec brushes upon the topic of the word [[naïve]] and Chris shows yet again that he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. [[Autism|He also believes that the phrase "well call me naïve" is an invitation to call someone naïve]]. Alec explains that it is just a turn of phrase, but metaphor and sarcasm seem to be concepts that are beyond Chris's grasp. Alec presents Chris with a hypothetical situation when someone says "just shoot me" and asks what Chris would do. [[Sonichu Special 4|Chris actually considers shooting someone in this case]].

Chris's ignorance is in full swing here. He feels that attracting fans from another fandom should be considered stealing, as if fans spontaneously generate out of nothing and the ones he has are his property and no one else's. Also, Chris still has no idea how ad space works. Alec spends a great deal of time explaining to Chris how many Sonichu characters are in violation of various [[Chris and copyright|copyrights]] and that if Chris tries to publish Sonichu, he will be sued by Nintendo, Hasbro, Sega, etc. He proposes to Chris that he must reboot Sonichu without all the [[Transformers]], all the [[Pokemon]], [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]], and the other shit Chris stole. Chris says he will [[lie|take it into consideration]], but clearly will not as he seems averse to the idea of rebooting Sonichu. Judging from Chris's history of [[White knight e-mails|rejecting good advice]], Chris will continue Sonichu in all its copyright-infringing glory.

==Alec's Demands==

Alec's demands for Chris were as follows:

#Admit that Alec has greater Fanbase.
#Admit that he asked Evan permission to use Simonla.
#Admit that Simonla was never Chris’s creation.
#Admit that he attempted to edit the CWCipedia article to say that Simonla was his creation.
#Acknowledge that Evan took away rights for Chris to use Simonla and that Chris has been ignoring this
#Apologize for using the word naive about Alec.
#Apologize for cursing Mao and give a Forgiveness Blessing to him.
#Apologize for stealing the false Chaotic Combo and Asperchu from Alec.
#Make the apologies in a comic page.
#Apologize for impersonating his mother off camera (not in a video).
#Admit that Chris has been trolling Alec.
#Apologize for insinuating that Alec keeps female prisoners in his basement and rapes them.
#Admit that he doesn’t have a good excuse to not upload pages everyday.
#Apologize for disrespecting his fans.
#Violently kill Simonla in the comic.
#Wear Sonichu medallion and high school ring while filming the video.
#Admit Sonichu is a doomed franchise.
#Not look insincere.

Chris tried to weasel his way out of meeting all of Alec's requests. He gave Mao a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing, killed off Simonla off-screen after Alec specifically asked for her to be killed on-screen, and admitted to not having an excuse for updating '''some days''', but that life gets in the way, even though Chris clearly doesn't have a life. He completely refused to mention that he had been trolling Alec and that Sonichu is a doomed franchise. Chris gave the most resistance to these ideas in the phone conversation. Chris also showed no sincerity and tried to rush though the video. Needless to say, Alec was far from pleased with Chris.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ugNAgDywFlc}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': ''[cut off]''-s it's, uh, it's Alec.

'''Chris''': Yes, hello, Alec.

'''Alec''': Hi. Um. Uh, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to...continue our discussion about, um, about getting all the ads down?

'''Chris''': Ohhhh-kay.

'''Alec''': Um, well first I wanna let you know that um, just to make it clear, if you-if you make another video that, um, includes all the requirements that I'm going to list for you, I will, uh, remove all of my ads completely. From the CWCipedia. If you, if you follow my instructions. That sound good?

'''Chris''': Yeah okay, hang on lemme get something to write on and something to write with.

'''Alec''': Alright.

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm listening.

'''Alec''': Alright. Um, first of all, like I said in our last call, I'd like you to admit that I do have a very sizable fanbase. Uh, because I think you believe that I don't have any real fans. I'd like you to admit that I do. I have quite a lot of fans. A lot of them are former Sonichu fans.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, yeah...admit that. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um, well, in your apology video I asked you to address not only Simonchu, but Simonla. And you didn't. And I'd like you to bring up that you actually did ask Evan permission to use Simonla when you first began using her, uh, which shows that you understood from the beginning that Simonla was not yours and you were borrowing her from-or, or him, rather, Simonchu-from the original creator. And I'd like you to admit that Simonla was never yours.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Hm.

'''Alec''': Will you do that, Chris?

'''Chris''': I'm writing it down, hang on.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Ummm...I'd like you to admit that you...attempted to edit the CWCipedia article about Simonla to say that she was your original creation. Well, wasn't a nice thing to do to your fans.

'''Chris''': Right. Anyway, uh, got that written down. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um...I want you to acknowledge that even though Evan gave you permission to use Simonla, he later took it away. And he took it away quite a long time ago. And I'd like you to admit that you have been ignoring and disrespecting his requests to remove his character from your comic.

'''Chris''': Alright I'm writing it down. Hm. Huh...permission to ''[mutters]''...

'''Alec''': You know, it sounds like, um, you're actually pretty agreeable about this, and I'm glad about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I'm writing it down here. Um...yeah.

'''Alec''': Well yeah you're writing it down. So you're, you're going to do those things so far?

'''Chris''': Yeah. ''[very quickly, as if trying to sneak this past Alec]'' Well anyway-anyway it's still debatable. Anyway. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[nobody's fool but his own]'' Nooo, it's not debatable. Chris, all these conditions I'm listing, you have to do these, or my ads go nowhere.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Anyway. Uh, okay, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Does that matter to you, Chris? You said that's debatable and I'm saying it's not. Don't you...wanna acknowledge that?

'''Chris''': Acknowledged, anyway, uh, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[sigh]'' Alright. Um, I asked you to apologize for the word "naïve". I want you to do that. Specifically say that you used the word "naïve" because you intended to hurt and insult me, and you know that I am not naïve.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright. Yeah. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': I want you to apologize for cursing Mao. And um, actually I'd like you to issue him-give him a forgive-a-ness blessing. To-to retract that curse-ye-ha-me-ha.

'''Chris''': Hm. Mm...okay, uh, anything-anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I want you to apologize for stealing from me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, the um...the false Chaotic Combo I created, you stole them, and you stole Asper...chu and tried to change them around.

'''Chris''': Uhh...

[pause]

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Um, can we talk about S-can we talk about Simonla a bit? Because I wanna know why you say it's debatable.

'''Chris''': Hm. Lemme think about that a moment...mm...okay, I guess that was a...premature thing to say, so I re-I respectfully withdraw it. So, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, so you...so you are going to say that Simonla is not y-you're going to say exactly what I asked you to say about Simonla? You're going to...?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, the next thing is...these are the things that I wanted you to make in a video. But I also want you to, um, in your comic, just take a page or whatever, you know, take a little side break from the main story, and use the page to explain, uh, everything that I just said as well. And I would like you to, in that comic page, apologize to me, and to Mao, and to Evan, for all the things that I just listed.

'''Chris''': Uh-huh.

'''Alec''': Are you gonna do that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': 'Cause uh, I asked you...I just wanna make sure you're going to do these Chris, 'cause I asked you to do these things last time that we talked about it, I mean the last time before you, you know, hung up on me, and um, you said you were writing it down but then you forgot like half the things that I asked you to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright so, is that it, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I guess you don't have to put it in the video, this next part, but I'd like you to apologize for pretending to be your mother in the last phone call. And uh, pretending that she was calling you away from the phone call.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': And the reason I'd like you to apologize for that is because I, um, really don't benefit a whole lot from calling you about these matters, I was calling you because I wanted to give you a quick and easy way to settle this whole ad business and to settle the fight between us, and rather than take the opportunity to listen to what I said, you pretended to be your mother, and, you know, pretended that your mother was calling you away to do an errand and you had to leave the phone call. So instead of handling the problem right then and there, and if you had done so, then, you know, the ads could have been gone by now, but instead you ''[Chris 'hm's]'' ran away from me. It shows you don't respect me.

'''Chris''': Right. Yeah. So, alright. Wrote that down. Anything else?

'''Alec''': Well, I'd like-I'd like you to admit that right now, Chris. That you lied about that.

'''Chris''': Okay, why don't-

'''Alec''': And since you-

'''Chris''': I admit that-I admit that I pretended to be my mother, to end the call early last time.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you did that, Chris?

'''Chris''': Because I felt it was going on and on, and I was-

'''Alec''': We were-

'''Chris''': -[[Stress|tired]]...

'''Alec''': We were barely on the phone for five minutes when you did that. And this is, like I said, this is a serious matter, and it's your problem that I'm trying to help you with. I was being gracious enough to call you, to, you know, give you a way to settle it. And you still-you ran away from me. Real men don't run away from their problems, Chris. When I-I talked to you, I talked to you on an even footing, man to man. I don't lie or deceive you. And I don't run away, even though you are a troll to me. Because, you know, obviously I've been calling you. To talk to you. Instead of hiding from you.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Um...that's another thing I want you to put in the video. I want you to admit that you are a troll. And that you have been trolling me ever since I-ever since my comic started. And use that word specifically. Say, "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am a troll."

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.
=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-jiEd8ruB-c}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': Can you, um, read back, uh, to me the list that you've made since we started this call, please?

'''Chris''': Okay. Admit that Alec has sizable fanbase, address the-I had permission for Simonchu but then it was withdrawn, and I did not admit to-uh, an a, admit-admit-admit Simonla was not mine, admit ''(?)'' anything to my Simonla article, yeah Evan gave permission, but withdrew it, gone against his wishes, no Simonla, apologize to Alec for calling him naïve, apologize to Mao forgiveness blessing, apologize for stealing Asperchu and parodic characters, and ''(?)'' comic page explaining all of that with more apologies, and I just apologized to you for pretending to be my mother to end the call early, and admit trolling you.

'''Alec''': Okay, good. That's good so far. Um, I'd also like you to apologize for insinuating that I keep female prisoners in my basement and use them as a...unwilling harem and rape them. Because I don't do anything of the sort.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': That's just creepy. I don't...I don't know where you got that idea.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I can kinda see some of the other complaints that you had were based on, you know, like direct misunderstanding of things, but-but that, you know, me raping female prisoner things...that just-that c-that came outta left field. Where'd you get that idea?

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' Yeah okay well, okay. Well actually...no. Ah...I never said-I never used the word 'rape', you just had them in prisom ''[sic]'' and you treated them like hamsters. You did not rape them.

'''Alec''': ''[talking over Chris, who says something unclear]'' What do you mean, 'treated them like hamsters'?

'''Chris''': You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.

'''Alec''': 'Kay, um, even if you didn't use the word 'rape', what do you think people-what do you think the impression is people are going to get when you suggest that someone keeps female prisoners in their basement? They're going to think that um, said prisoners are being raped by their captor. And I mean, that seems like a pretty obvious insinuation. Even if you don't use the word directly.

'''Chris''': Okay. Ahh...alright anything else after that?

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Umm...I am still trying to think. Um...y-you know, I apologize for seeming like I'm beating a dead horse, but I...I am a little suspicious that you seem so agreeable, because in all our previous correspondences you've been um, you know, insulting, rude, or...manipulative. Or a combination thereof. But now it seems like, you know, you're-you're just rearin' to go with this. ...Are you sure you're just not trying to-?

'''Chris''': ''(??)''

'''Alec''': -finish the phone call with me quickly? 'Cause,

'''Chris''': Well, I'm not trying to-

'''Alec''': Because-

'''Chris''': -[[Sonichu (comic)|finish anything]].

'''Alec''': Okay.

'''Chris''': I mean, [[Lie|I'm not trying to finish this phone call]], I want to put this to rest.

'''Alec''': Okay, well, good. 'Cause like I said, you do all these things perfectly, as I say, um-

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': -then my ads will go away. Um, but if-but if you make a video and you're missing anything, or if you deliberately contradict something, um, or if I feel like you are trying to pull a fast one on me and weasel out of something, then the ads are going to get worse. Because at this point I do have to assume that anything that goes wrong is a deliberate, um...evil intent on your part.

'''Chris''': I see.

'''Alec''': Do you-? I mean, that's a...fair assumption for me to make, don't you think? Considering how much you've-

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' You have, you have, you have right-you have the right to make that assumption.

'''Alec''': Mmkay. Kay, well good. Excuse me just a second.

'''Chris''': Kay.

''[pause, a [[stress sigh]] is heard]''

'''Alec''': Sorry about that, I'm back. Um...

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you think the word "naïve" is so... horrible?

''[small pause]''

'''Chris''': Not only does the word sound like nails on--nails on a chalkboard when one says it, but also, it questions one's intelligence and experience. In life.

'''Alec''': I-I think it actually only questions experience, it's not about intelligence.

'''Chris''': ''[interrupting]'' Yeah but, yeah but-experience versus knowledge... still implied, the knowledge part.

'''Alec''': Well no, knowledge is different from intelligence.

'''Chris''': Yeah but also similarly it can sound like, you know, callin' somebody stupid. Or worse than that.

'''Alec''': Well, you know, no pun intended here, but if you...if you believe that then I think you kind of are naïve. I mean, because the-that you-you don't have a, you know, an understanding of the word.

'''Chris''': I looked it up in a disshonary ''[sic]''. I have a understanding of the word.

'''Alec''': I-I don't know what dictionary you looked up that suggested it's a direct question of one's intelligence. ... I mean, lemme look it up on uh, an online dictionary here. Um...let's see..."lacking experience or judgments", it's really not about intelligence. And um, I am still kinda bothered that, you know, you think it's such a horrible insult that you wanted to use it on me.

'''Chris''': Hm. Okay well, in-

'''Alec''': And you-and you had happily-

'''Chris''': Okay well still in my defense though, [[Autism|you did tell me to-you did say, "well, call me naïve" during that particular conversation]].

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Um, you know that's just a turn of phrase, right? I wasn't actually asking you to call me naïve.

'''Chris''': ''[watch as Alec's words bounce off Chris, like throwing ping-pong balls at a whale...]'' Mmkay. Well, you gave me the opportunity, so that's my defense right there.

'''Alec''': You should-

'''Chris''': ''(?)'' -agree on that.

'''Alec''': You should exercise some personal responsibility though, because, you know, you think 'naïve' is such a horrible thing, like, have you ever heard the phrase, uh, "just shoot me"? Like, you know, someone's frustrated, they'll say "just shoot me." I mean, if someone said that in your presence, would you feel, you know, okay with [[Liquid|"well, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot them"]]?

'''Chris''': No, not nec-no, not necessarily shoot them.

'''Alec''': "Not necessarily"? Does that mean you'd consider it?

'''Chris''': Mm. No, I would not shoot them at all.

'''Alec''': Well, I should hope not. I mean, you shot people in your comic before. I hope you wouldn't shoot them in real life.

'''Chris''': Date. ''(?)'' Anyway, uh, alright, so, anything else for this video, or I mean-''[mumbles]'' aside from before apologize for labeling you as having female prisoners in your basement and...raping.

'''Alec''': Um, yes. There is another item. I'd like you to admit that you don't have a good excuse to not upload pages every day.

'''Chris''': Mm.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I think that's...correct, right? You don't have a job, you don't go to school. I have both, you know, school and a job, and I upload every day.

'''Chris''': Yeah. In my defense though, actually, [[Lie|yesterday I actually went on a nice d-on a date with a nice girl, and it was a great date, could have not gone better]].

'''Alec''': Oh, um, what was the date? Like all day, I mean, it wasn't like in the morning, was it? You could have uploaded in the morning.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I wa-Yeah well I was not up in the morning.

'''Alec''': Um, you didn't have, you know, any ti-What time did you wake up? How long do you sleep?

'''Chris''': ''[Unintelligible word mixing]'' Yeah, I woke up at about eleven.

'''Alec''': Yeah, well, that's not la-

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' And I had to go out and ru-I had to go-and I actually had to go out to run a couple of errands at the g-grocery store and also I had to go and get my family some anti-freeze for their car.

'''Alec''': Okay, well I-I have chores- ''[Can't make out over Chris's interruption]''

'''Chris''': And 'caus-and c-and the-and then with that I also had to take a shower and make myself fully ready for the date.

'''Alec''': Um ''[small sigh of disapproval]'' You know, when I-When I shower and clean myself up, that takes like 20 minutes. I-I, like I said, I have a job and school and I have errands to do and I go out with people and I go out on dates and I still make sure I upload every day. I mean, Sonichu is your-Think of-Think of it this way: Sonichu is gonna be your big franchise. That's what's gonna make you money, right? Um, so you should treat it like it is your...your day to day job.

'''Chris''': Yeah

'''Alec''': And ''[Chris interrupts again with another "Yeah"]'' You-When was the last day when you uploaded a page? It's been about a week, hasn't it? I mean, even if you had, you know ''[possibly "finished it"]'' yesterday...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting again]'' Well, in my-in my dis-yeeah-
=Part 3=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|OTNOR66_JAY}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Chris''': -Yeah, well, okay, I did update the CWCipedia day before yesterday.

'''Alec''': ''[interrupts]'' With new comic pages?

'''Chris''': I didn't necessarily upload. I made an ''update''.

'''Alec''': W-what kind of update did you make?

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': ''[unintelligible]'' the captain's log or a quote update.

'''Alec''': W-well, like, ''a quote''? Really? I mean...What does that take? 5 minutes?

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, well-I mean uh-I-''[unintelligible]''-answer letters and ema-in-To answer mailbag letters but I just-

'''Alec''': ''[Interrupting]'' Yeah, you got some mail-You got some mailbags piling up too.

'''Chris''': I-I just-I just could not-I just could not stand the, uh, image that was plag-that was plaguing my CWCipedia, that Mao put up. ''[Disapproving "Um" from Alec]'' I just could not stand that.

'''Alec''': You know, Chris, if we confront our demons head on and defeat them, we come out stronger on the other side. You won't accomplish anything by running from the ads just 'cause they're unpleasant to look at. I mean ''[Chris puts in a "Right" quickly]'' Yo-You se-You know, this is the internet. You've seen tons of unpleasant crap, I'm sure ''I'' have. It doesn't stop me from ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' going on the internet. Um, a-and like I said; "Sonichu is serious business". It's your job. You should-and jo-Jobs are difficult. Jobs are hard. And... ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' I've had-I've had plenty of hard jobs. Like, you...I don't think you have any real work experience, right? But trust me, jobs are difficult.

'''Chris''': ''[Probably disregarding everything Alec has just said because he mentioned that Chris has never had a hard job and Chris has only ever had "hard working jobs"]'' Hmm. Yeah, anyway uh...Is there anything else?

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Umm...Like I said, y-you know; Take Simonla out of the comic and, in the comic, apologize to me and Mao and Evan for...for everything I've listed.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': And...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I have the list here.

'''Alec''': Um, can I ask you what you're going to do to get your fans back? 'Cause you've lost a lot of fans to me and I know you want them back.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I'm going to change - I'm gonna continue my work and make my updates.

'''Alec''': 'kay, well, you've said that a lot in the past and your update pattern has ''drastically' dropped in the last couple of weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean, it seems like... think of it this way, Chris: I'm... I am your competition, obviously, and it seems that with one little series of unpleasant ads, I have completely shut down my competition. Now, ''I'm'' a nice guy, and I'm trying to help you, and the average artist who would be your competition is ''sure as hell'' not going to help you. So, imagine if they found out 'Oh, all I have to do is buy some space on his wiki and put up an ad he doesn't like looking at'! And that'll stop his comic production entirely. I mean, are my ads really the only reason you haven't uploaded pages in a week? Yeah, well, that and your... busy day... ''[Chris tries to say something and fails]''

'''Chris''': The very dirty ones. Yeah.

'''Alec''': Um, pardon me for being blunt, but that's kind of pathetic, don't ya think?

'''Chris''': Erm... takes one to know one.

'''Alec''': 'Takes one' what? Pathetic person? I... I wouldn't consider myself pathetic, because I have 30,000 fans, the number of which I took from you. So, I don't think I'm pathetic at all. I mean, why do you think I'm pathetic?

'''Chris''': Hmm... ''[pause]'' I do not have a reason at the moment!

'''Alec''': *sighs* Well...

'''Chris''': But... but, yeah, you-you'd pretty much had to consider yourself weak to think that, you know, t-to, y-you know, you have a bunch of fans to steal someone else's.

'''Alec''': Um... how else will uh... fans come around, Chris? How else does any new franchise gets fans? They come from other sources. People, people are not living in a vacuum. Y'know, people, fans have been fans of other things. That's how competition works, the better man wins. I'm productive and I...

'''Chris''': L-Lemme... still, the ''[unintelligible]'' of whom, your ads on my website. That... that was just... that was like stealing from me.

'''Alec''': Um...

'''Chris''': Yeah, even though you paid to put the ads there, you didn't pay the [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]], you paid [[Jack Thaddeus]].

'''Alec''': Yeah. Yeah, I rented from Jack Thaddeus. That's how it works. And it turns out people like Asperchu, so... I mean, y'know... how do you think...? You watch a lot of TV, right? I mean, you see a lot of commercials. Do you think all those... people who make those commercials, y'know, Coke or McDonald's and all that think that they're bad people because they use ads? That what you're saying to me? That I am bad just because I use ads? Good franchises advertise their products.

'''Chris''': I'm not, I, I am not saying that, but if you consider me competition then it it would just, it's just terribly wrong for you to try to encourage my fans to go to you by putting, by putting your ads on your own competition space. Yeah, what if I had put up, like, I had actually successfully bought ads, put ads, bought ad space on your website, and put my ads on your website. How would you feel about that.

'''Alec''': Umm, honestly I don't think I'd be worried, because you don't respect your fans, and you don't update for weeks at a time.

'''Chris''': ''[sigh]''

'''Alec''': I think, I think my consistency, and my sticktoitiveness, and my uh, work ethic, y'know, is what makes my product superior. My fans would stay with me. I mean, they might go and locate your website, your cwcki if you put adverts on mine, but they probably wouldn't see much there worth keeping them around. There's a length of sonichu on the asperpedia front page too, if you hadn't noticed. I mean I'm not...

'''Chris''': Um... Anyway, okay well, yeah, alright, anyway, is there uh, yeah okay are we-

'''Alec''': [interrupting] There is another, there is another... I'm sorry, go ahead?

'''Chris''': Nah, no I'm sorry you go ahead, you said there's another thing?

'''Alec''': There's another item for your list, I want you to apologize to your fans for disrespecting them. You disrespect them in general, I mean, all the time but, it's your mailbags because you don't offer thought out responses, and you delete most of the mail that comes to you these days. And, I, um, there was a bit of a backlash with I think mailbag 50 or 51, whichever one that you fabricated, y'know, positive mails for instead of taking mails from the supply of existing mail. The one that you said, y'know, the one where you, you, you basically wanted all your writers to trash me. ''[pause]'' Which is another thing I would add to the list, but I think I already covered y'know, wanting you to apologize for devoting all your time to trolling me lately.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean every video that you've made, like y'know your videos might be 2 or 5 or 10 minutes long, and it probably takes quite a bit of time to upload the videos, y'know that's all time you could've spent making your comic which would've kept fans around. But instead, the average fan sees two artists; they see me who makes a good comic, and they see you who attempts to terrorize other artists.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Okay well...

'''Alec''': Did I... Go ahead, what're you thinking about that.

'''Chris''': Go ahead.

'''Alec''': No no, I had another subject to bring up, but I'd like to have your response to this first.

'''Chris''': No that's alright, you said you had another topic? Another thing for my list?

'''Alec''': No I'd like to have your response to that first. What are you... do you really think it was a good idea for you to devote what little energy you did put into this whole comic thing in the first place to, um, attacking me? I mean why would you think that was a good idea?

'''Chris''': Well because you attacked me first by putting your ads on my website.

'''Alec''': Uh, that wasn't an attack, that was just a good business move.

'''Chris''': Well to me it was an attack.

'''Alec''': Well... it seems like to you everything is an attack. Seems like to you everything is ''[unintelligible; fast?]'' when it's not. ''[Speaking over Chris as he tries to interrupt]'' Um, Chris, do you think that it's okay for, um, for you to use Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog as characters in your story? And Transformers and Meg Griffin... I mean, wouldn't their original creators get mad? That you're taking their characters?

'''Chris''': Well first off, we're talking about my own Autobots, my own Autobots-

=Part 4=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|vDS3H7NhNko}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris''': -my own Decepticons, with recoloring and different names, so they're not, so hasbro's not going to complain about that.

'''Alec''':You know that Hasbro owns the names "Autobot" and "Decepticon", right? Just using those names is already... taking from them. ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' Even if- even if- What's that?

'''Chris''': I said, nobody's complainin' to me yet.

'''Alec''': Well, that's probably 'cause you haven't made money on ''Sonichu'' yet. If you- I promise if you made one dime on ''Sonichu'', umm... Hasbro and Sega and Nintendo... will come down on your head. Because you just recolored their characters.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or if it's, like-

'''Alec''': Chris, you can't afford to wait 'till you get to that bridge, because you've spent ''ten years'' devoting your life to this comic, which ''will'' unravel the instant you try to make money off it. Get one dime, lose fifty-thousand dollars in lawsuits. You need to... do something about it now, before you waste any more time and effort on a franchise that is full of, of stolen material!.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll think about that further.

'''Alec''': Chris, I'm trying to help you here. I mean it- ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' -How many, how many times tonight have you said, you know "Oh, I'll think about that, anything else?" like you, I think you ''are'' trying to rush this phone call. Chris, I have- you've gotta admit, I've got the patience of a saint, to... keep calling you, and, keep trying to be nice to you. And, it seems like you have no concern for anything I say. I mean, keep in mind, I am- ''[Chris tries to interrupt again, succeeds]''

'''Chris''': I am- [[Lies|I have paid attention to everything you said]].

'''Alec''': But, it seems like you don't want to take my advice!

'''Chris''': Well, I am going to take your advice here.

'''Alec''': You mean, you're going to restructure your comic completely and remove all elements of- you know, that belong to other creators? 'Cause that would pretty much take apart your entire comic. What are you going to do? What's your plan, what are you going to to, to... umm... follow that advice?

'''Chris''': The reboot will happen in book number twelve.

'''Alec''': Oh, well... umm... Well, you're still working on book ten, right? So, you'll have that, and then all of book eleven... [He trails off and Chris resumes]

'''Chris''': Yeah, book eleven will be like a clip show- which will unravel some of those plots... nnn.... whatnot. And uh, answer some questions, and then book twelve is, like, restarting with just Sonichu and Rosechu, and me not gettin' involved that much.

'''Alec''': Okay, well... umm... is Sonichu still going to be a product of Pikachu and Sonic? 'Cause that's a problem right there.

[Long Pause]

'''Chris''': I do not have an answer to that question... at the moment.

'''Alec''': Chris, I suggest that you, that you... instead of going through the rest of the episodes and issues, or, Issue ten and eleven; I suggest that you stop it all right now and come up with a completely different comic. Because that's the only way you're going to get away from lawsuits. You gotta answer this problem, because... you know, Nintendo and Sega, Hasbro and ''Family Guy''... they're not going to wait. They're not, and you- and you know that when I say that you need to do a reboot, umm, you know I mean that all of the Sonichu comics that currently exist- you can ''never'' attempt to get punished. Published, I mean.

[Long silence, then they try to talk in unison]

'''Chris''': Yeah, everything you said has been taken to heart... umm... mmm... yeah-

'''Alec''': I kind of doubt that. You're... you've got this kind of lackadaisical tone you're taking with me right now. [Sigh] Chris- do you believe I'm trying to help you? [Chris tries to interrupt multiple times, loses] Do you care that I'm trying to help you?

'''Chris''': Yes, I care.

'''Alec''': Do you feel bad that you've treated me like shit, even though I've tried to help you countless times? [Long pause, Chris tries to talk, but Alec continues] You sound like an old child trying to get out of being lectured, which is why I keep asking this. Chris, I'd like you to make me- I'd like you to make me believe that you actually are listening and believe everything I say, and when I say "Listen", I don't mean, "You wrote down the list I asked you to and can repeat the words back to me", that's not what "Listening" means. "Listen" means: You are actually considering what I say.

'''Chris''': Well I am actually considering what you are saying.

'''Alec''': Prove it to me Chris.

'''Chris''': Okay... how do I prove it to you?

'''Alec''': Show some... ''[Chris tries to interrupt, but it is garbled]'' show some concern. I mean.... say something other than 'I will take it into consideration'. That's the same thing you say to your fans every time they suggest ideas to you in the mailbag. I don't think you do take anything I say into consideration. You know what... [sighs] my first few calls with you, I was like nice like this, and you were insulting to me. And then the next few times I tried to call you, I got mean and loud and yelled a lot, and then it seemed like you actually listened. And now I'm trying to be nice again because I didn't want to... I don't like being mean to people, y'know, and now it seems like you've stopped listening again. I think... I was hoping for the best, but I think I may have been right, I may have hit the nail on the head when I said that you seem to only listen to yelling and insults.

'''Chris''': Well that is not true. I do not listen to only yelling and insults.

'''Alec''': Y'know, I think you do. Because... y'know, people, I think a big problem a lot of people have is that they believe the way they behave is the way that everybody behaves-

=Part 5=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|67oLiU372xk}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|part 4]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Alec''': -and the world they follow is the world everyone follows, and I think that because you rely on bullying and trolling and insulting and trying to make other people feel bad just to make yourself feel good... Because you practice all of those, I think that you believe that's the only set of rules that applies in the world.

'''Chris''': Well that is not the case.

'''Alec''': [''sarcastically''] You sound so convincing there, you really do.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Yeah... ''[laughs, then sighs]'' y'know... you seem to really care about what Mao says, and all Mao does is insult you. Did I tell you that to get rid of Simonla, I don't remember if I brought this up...

'''Chris''': [interrupting] Yeah, yes you did.

'''Alec''': Evan wants you to violently kill her in the comic? And display it, don't show it off screen or off panel, you have to show it in the comic, like show her head getting chopped off, or show her getting shot full of bullets, something like that.

'''Chris''': I will not kill her, but she will leave CWCville peacefully.

'''Alec''': Um, you have to kill her. You have to kill...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I am not going... I am not going to kill her. I will let her leave...

'''Alec''': ''[Talking over Chris]'' Chris... no that's one of my terms. It's not like Poochie from the Simpsons where you can just take his frame out... Chris, you violently kill her, or Evan might come down on you and the CWCipedia. And I know you already got the CWCipedia shut down once when you tried to manipulate the ads. If you don't respect this now, it's gonna get shut down again, because Evan is going to come down on you. And he would've come down on you a long time ago, except I was trying to be the voice of peace and was holding his anger in check. And I'm not gonna do that now. Now I've learned my lesson, now I'm just telling you the terms. You either follow them, or face Evan's anger.

'''Chris''': Alright...

'''Alec''': So you're going to violently kill Simonla, right? And show it?

'''Chris''': That will happen, yes.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, I suggest fire. I think that's always a good way to go to deal with characters that you want to get rid of. It's just, it's very visually, y'know, draws people in. Everybody loves fire. Sometimes I light people on fire in my comic, and every time I do, I get ALL this fanmail, just praising that one panel or that one page.

'''Chris''': Yeah.. well, I will think of tha- I will think of something. I will think about it. Alright...

'''Alec''': Can I have you one more time read off your list to me?

'''Chris''': Okay... ''[sigh]'' Admit Alec has sizable fanbase...

'''Alec''': Let's actually change that to 'admit Alec has a greater fanbase than you.' Let's just, because we should be specific.

'''Chris''': ...greater fanbase.

'''Alec''': Yup, bigger fanbase...

'''Chris''': That Chris can't...greater... said that, alright, anyway, that, address permission of Sonichu use, but then it was withdrawn, and uh, admit Simonla was not mine, uh, admit amending Simonla article, uh remove Simonla by death, apologize to you for calling you naïve, apologize to Mao with a forgiveness blessing to undo the curse, apologize for ''[unintelligible]'' Asperchu and parodic characters, make a comic page explaining all that, I just apologize to you for impersonating to be my mother to get out of the last phone call, apologize for insinuating female impri-impri-imprisonment and rape on you, admit to having no excuse for not updating on... uh, as often as I should, and apologize to my fans for disrespecting them in mailbags and delayed updates.

'''Alec''': Uhm and, when you make this video, make sure that you're wearing your Sonichu medallion and your high school ring so everyone knows it's true, and I don't wanna see any of that Groucho Marx glasses bullshit. Because you've done that before. This video, I don't want any way for you to weasel out of this video.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': This video will stand for all time.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': And, oh and, one last thing. I'd like you to admit that Sonichu is a doomed franchise and you have no way of actually profiting from it or publishing it without getting sued six ways from Sunday by the real owners of the products you use.

'''Chris''': ''[meekly]''...um, yeah.

'''Alec''': That's the final thing for the list.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Uhm, okay, so and... so it sounds like you've got the list comprehensive, which is good, I'm glad you've got that written down. And I just wanna emphasize again that you will do all of those items, both in a video and in your comic, and if you do it all perfectly, exactly the way I've laid out for you, and I don't sense you're trying to weasel out of anything or trying to pull a fast one on me, I will remove all my ads. I will release my contract with Jack. But if you do try to pull anything, then the ads are going to get worse. Because despite the fact that I am trying to be calm with you, I am still very angry with you, and if you try to pull anything on me, then I am going to punish you for it.

'''Chris''': Okay, alright, okay, okay well, I'll do all that, and I'll talk to you later.

'''Alec''': Alright. Well I look forward to seeing the ad and the comic.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Alright, you have a good night Chris.

'''Chris''': And you too.

''[Tape ends]''

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|}}

=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?as656t7bsbeu1o7 Audio download]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The Call on Youtube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6

2013-12-23T22:37:59Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6''' is the sixth of the calls between Chris and Alec Benson Leary, which took place on 04 February 2010. As Alec notes several times, Chris is far too agreeable to Alec's conditions, and at times simply doesn't seem to be listening.

The end result of the demands was the [[I am Alive|C-log of 5 February 2010]], in which Chris half-asses his way through most of Alec's requests.

As a result, the [[CWCipedia]] was shut down from February 6 to February 12. When it was brought back up, the Asperchu ads were made worse, just as Alec promised.

=Summary=

Alec spends much of the phone call dictating his list of demands to Chris and asking Chris to recite this list multiple times. Alec repeatedly tells Chris that if Chris meets all of his demands, the ads for the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]] will be removed from the CWCipedia, but if his demands are not met in full, his ads will get worse. All the while, Chris tries to rush the phone conversation, clearly not taking this shit seriously enough. Alec brushes upon the topic of the word [[naïve]] and Chris shows yet again that he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. [[Autism|He also believes that the phrase "well call me naïve" is an invitation to call someone naïve]]. Alec explains that it is just a turn of phrase, but metaphor and sarcasm seem to be concepts that are beyond Chris's grasp. Alec presents Chris with a hypothetical situation when someone says "just shoot me" and asks what Chris would do. [[Sonichu Special 4|Chris actually considers shooting someone in this case]].

Chris's ignorance is in full swing here. He feels that attracting fans from another fandom should be considered stealing, as if fans spontaneously generate out of nothing and the ones he has are his property and no one else's. Also, Chris still has no idea how ad space works. Alec spends a great deal of time explaining to Chris how many Sonichu characters are in violation of various [[Chris and copyright|copyrights]] and that if Chris tries to publish Sonichu, he will be sued by Nintendo, Hasbro, Sega, etc. He proposes to Chris that he must reboot Sonichu without all the [[Transformers]], all the [[Pokemon]], [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]], and the other shit Chris stole. Chris says he will [[lie|take it into consideration]], but clearly will not as he seems averse to the idea of rebooting Sonichu. Judging from Chris's history of [[White knight e-mails|rejecting good advice]], Chris will continue Sonichu in all its copyright-infringing glory.

==Alec's Demands==

Alec's demands for Chris were as follows:

#Admit that Alec has greater Fanbase.
#Admit that he asked Evan permission to use Simonla.
#Admit that Simonla was never Chris’s creation.
#Admit that he attempted to edit the CWCipedia article to say that Simonla was his creation.
#Acknowledge that Evan took away rights for Chris to use Simonla and that Chris has been ignoring this
#Apologize for using the word naive about Alec.
#Apologize for cursing Mao and give a Forgiveness Blessing to him.
#Apologize for stealing the false Chaotic Combo and Asperchu from Alec.
#Make the apologies in a comic page.
#Apologize for impersonating his mother off camera (not in a video).
#Admit that Chris has been trolling Alec.
#Apologize for insinuating that Alec keeps female prisoners in his basement and rapes them.
#Admit that he doesn’t have a good excuse to not upload pages everyday.
#Apologize for disrespecting his fans.
#Violently kill Simonla in the comic.
#Wear Sonichu medallion and high school ring while filming the video.
#Admit Sonichu is a doomed franchise.
#Not look insincere.

Chris tried to weasel his way out of meeting all of Alec's requests. He gave Mao a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing, killed off Simonla off-screen after Alec specifically asked for her to be killed on-screen, and admitted to not having an excuse for updating '''some days''', but that life gets in the way, even though Chris clearly doesn't have a life. He completely refused to mention that he had been trolling Alec and that Sonichu is a doomed franchise. Chris gave the most resistance to these ideas in the phone conversation. Chris also showed no sincerity and tried to rush though the video. Needless to say, Alec was far from pleased with Chris.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ugNAgDywFlc}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': ''[cut off]''-s it's, uh, it's Alec.

'''Chris''': Yes, hello, Alec.

'''Alec''': Hi. Um. Uh, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to...continue our discussion about, um, about getting all the ads down?

'''Chris''': Ohhhh-kay.

'''Alec''': Um, well first I wanna let you know that um, just to make it clear, if you-if you make another video that, um, includes all the requirements that I'm going to list for you, I will, uh, remove all of my ads completely. From the CWCipedia. If you, if you follow my instructions. That sound good?

'''Chris''': Yeah okay, hang on lemme get something to write on and something to write with.

'''Alec''': Alright.

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm listening.

'''Alec''': Alright. Um, first of all, like I said in our last call, I'd like you to admit that I do have a very sizable fanbase. Uh, because I think you believe that I don't have any real fans. I'd like you to admit that I do. I have quite a lot of fans. A lot of them are former Sonichu fans.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, yeah...admit that. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um, well, in your apology video I asked you to address not only Simonchu, but Simonla. And you didn't. And I'd like you to bring up that you actually did ask Evan permission to use Simonla when you first began using her, uh, which shows that you understood from the beginning that Simonla was not yours and you were borrowing her from-or, or him, rather, Simonchu-from the original creator. And I'd like you to admit that Simonla was never yours.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Hm.

'''Alec''': Will you do that, Chris?

'''Chris''': I'm writing it down, hang on.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Ummm...I'd like you to admit that you...attempted to edit the CWCipedia article about Simonla to say that she was your original creation. Well, wasn't a nice thing to do to your fans.

'''Chris''': Right. Anyway, uh, got that written down. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um...I want you to acknowledge that even though Evan gave you permission to use Simonla, he later took it away. And he took it away quite a long time ago. And I'd like you to admit that you have been ignoring and disrespecting his requests to remove his character from your comic.

'''Chris''': Alright I'm writing it down. Hm. Huh...permission to ''[mutters]''...

'''Alec''': You know, it sounds like, um, you're actually pretty agreeable about this, and I'm glad about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I'm writing it down here. Um...yeah.

'''Alec''': Well yeah you're writing it down. So you're, you're going to do those things so far?

'''Chris''': Yeah. ''[very quickly, as if trying to sneak this past Alec]'' Well anyway-anyway it's still debatable. Anyway. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[nobody's fool but his own]'' Nooo, it's not debatable. Chris, all these conditions I'm listing, you have to do these, or my ads go nowhere.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Anyway. Uh, okay, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Does that matter to you, Chris? You said that's debatable and I'm saying it's not. Don't you...wanna acknowledge that?

'''Chris''': Acknowledged, anyway, uh, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[sigh]'' Alright. Um, I asked you to apologize for the word "naïve". I want you to do that. Specifically say that you used the word "naïve" because you intended to hurt and insult me, and you know that I am not naïve.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright. Yeah. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': I want you to apologize for cursing Mao. And um, actually I'd like you to issue him-give him a forgive-a-ness blessing. To-to retract that curse-ye-ha-me-ha.

'''Chris''': Hm. Mm...okay, uh, anything-anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I want you to apologize for stealing from me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, the um...the false Chaotic Combo I created, you stole them, and you stole Asper...chu and tried to change them around.

'''Chris''': Uhh...

[pause]

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Um, can we talk about S-can we talk about Simonla a bit? Because I wanna know why you say it's debatable.

'''Chris''': Hm. Lemme think about that a moment...mm...okay, I guess that was a...premature thing to say, so I re-I respectfully withdraw it. So, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, so you...so you are going to say that Simonla is not y-you're going to say exactly what I asked you to say about Simonla? You're going to...?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, the next thing is...these are the things that I wanted you to make in a video. But I also want you to, um, in your comic, just take a page or whatever, you know, take a little side break from the main story, and use the page to explain, uh, everything that I just said as well. And I would like you to, in that comic page, apologize to me, and to Mao, and to Evan, for all the things that I just listed.

'''Chris''': Uh-huh.

'''Alec''': Are you gonna do that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': 'Cause uh, I asked you...I just wanna make sure you're going to do these Chris, 'cause I asked you to do these things last time that we talked about it, I mean the last time before you, you know, hung up on me, and um, you said you were writing it down but then you forgot like half the things that I asked you to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright so, is that it, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I guess you don't have to put it in the video, this next part, but I'd like you to apologize for pretending to be your mother in the last phone call. And uh, pretending that she was calling you away from the phone call.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': And the reason I'd like you to apologize for that is because I, um, really don't benefit a whole lot from calling you about these matters, I was calling you because I wanted to give you a quick and easy way to settle this whole ad business and to settle the fight between us, and rather than take the opportunity to listen to what I said, you pretended to be your mother, and, you know, pretended that your mother was calling you away to do an errand and you had to leave the phone call. So instead of handling the problem right then and there, and if you had done so, then, you know, the ads could have been gone by now, but instead you ''[Chris 'hm's]'' ran away from me. It shows you don't respect me.

'''Chris''': Right. Yeah. So, alright. Wrote that down. Anything else?

'''Alec''': Well, I'd like-I'd like you to admit that right now, Chris. That you lied about that.

'''Chris''': Okay, why don't-

'''Alec''': And since you-

'''Chris''': I admit that-I admit that I pretended to be my mother, to end the call early last time.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you did that, Chris?

'''Chris''': Because I felt it was going on and on, and I was-

'''Alec''': We were-

'''Chris''': -[[Stress|tired]]...

'''Alec''': We were barely on the phone for five minutes when you did that. And this is, like I said, this is a serious matter, and it's your problem that I'm trying to help you with. I was being gracious enough to call you, to, you know, give you a way to settle it. And you still-you ran away from me. Real men don't run away from their problems, Chris. When I-I talked to you, I talked to you on an even footing, man to man. I don't lie or deceive you. And I don't run away, even though you are a troll to me. Because, you know, obviously I've been calling you. To talk to you. Instead of hiding from you.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Um...that's another thing I want you to put in the video. I want you to admit that you are a troll. And that you have been trolling me ever since I-ever since my comic started. And use that word specifically. Say, "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am a troll."

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.
=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-jiEd8ruB-c}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': Can you, um, read back, uh, to me the list that you've made since we started this call, please?

'''Chris''': Okay. Admit that Alec has sizable fanbase, address the-I had permission for Simonchu but then it was withdrawn, and I did not admit to-uh, an a, admit-admit-admit Simonla was not mine, admit ''(?)'' anything to my Simonla article, yeah Evan gave permission, but withdrew it, gone against his wishes, no Simonla, apologize to Alec for calling him naïve, apologize to Mao forgiveness blessing, apologize for stealing Asperchu and parodic characters, and ''(?)'' comic page explaining all of that with more apologies, and I just apologized to you for pretending to be my mother to end the call early, and admit trolling you.

'''Alec''': Okay, good. That's good so far. Um, I'd also like you to apologize for insinuating that I keep female prisoners in my basement and use them as a...unwilling harem and rape them. Because I don't do anything of the sort.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': That's just creepy. I don't...I don't know where you got that idea.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I can kinda see some of the other complaints that you had were based on, you know, like direct misunderstanding of things, but-but that, you know, me raping female prisoner things...that just-that c-that came outta left field. Where'd you get that idea?

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' Yeah okay well, okay. Well actually...no. Ah...I never said-I never used the word 'rape', you just had them in prisom ''[sic]'' and you treated them like hamsters. You did not rape them.

'''Alec''': ''[talking over Chris, who says something unclear]'' What do you mean, 'treated them like hamsters'?

'''Chris''': You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.

'''Alec''': 'Kay, um, even if you didn't use the word 'rape', what do you think people-what do you think the impression is people are going to get when you suggest that someone keeps female prisoners in their basement? They're going to think that um, said prisoners are being raped by their captor. And I mean, that seems like a pretty obvious insinuation. Even if you don't use the word directly.

'''Chris''': Okay. Ahh...alright anything else after that?

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Umm...I am still trying to think. Um...y-you know, I apologize for seeming like I'm beating a dead horse, but I...I am a little suspicious that you seem so agreeable, because in all our previous correspondences you've been um, you know, insulting, rude, or...manipulative. Or a combination thereof. But now it seems like, you know, you're-you're just rearin' to go with this. ...Are you sure you're just not trying to-?

'''Chris''': ''(??)''

'''Alec''': -finish the phone call with me quickly? 'Cause,

'''Chris''': Well, I'm not trying to-

'''Alec''': Because-

'''Chris''': -[[Sonichu (comic)|finish anything]].

'''Alec''': Okay.

'''Chris''': I mean, [[Lie|I'm not trying to finish this phone call]], I want to put this to rest.

'''Alec''': Okay, well, good. 'Cause like I said, you do all these things perfectly, as I say, um-

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': -then my ads will go away. Um, but if-but if you make a video and you're missing anything, or if you deliberately contradict something, um, or if I feel like you are trying to pull a fast one on me and weasel out of something, then the ads are going to get worse. Because at this point I do have to assume that anything that goes wrong is a deliberate, um...evil intent on your part.

'''Chris''': I see.

'''Alec''': Do you-? I mean, that's a...fair assumption for me to make, don't you think? Considering how much you've-

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' You have, you have, you have right-you have the right to make that assumption.

'''Alec''': Mmkay. Kay, well good. Excuse me just a second.

'''Chris''': Kay.

''[pause, a [[stress sigh]] is heard]''

'''Alec''': Sorry about that, I'm back. Um...

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you think the word "naïve" is so... horrible?

''[small pause]''

'''Chris''': Not only does the word sound like nails on--nails on a chalkboard when one says it, but also, it questions one's intelligence and experience. In life.

'''Alec''': I-I think it actually only questions experience, it's not about intelligence.

'''Chris''': ''[interrupting]'' Yeah but, yeah but-experience versus knowledge... still implied, the knowledge part.

'''Alec''': Well no, knowledge is different from intelligence.

'''Chris''': Yeah but also similarly it can sound like, you know, callin' somebody stupid. Or worse than that.

'''Alec''': Well, you know, no pun intended here, but if you...if you believe that then I think you kind of are naïve. I mean, because the-that you-you don't have a, you know, an understanding of the word.

'''Chris''': I looked it up in a disshonary ''[sic]''. I have a understanding of the word.

'''Alec''': I-I don't know what dictionary you looked up that suggested it's a direct question of one's intelligence. ... I mean, lemme look it up on uh, an online dictionary here. Um...let's see..."lacking experience or judgments", it's really not about intelligence. And um, I am still kinda bothered that, you know, you think it's such a horrible insult that you wanted to use it on me.

'''Chris''': Hm. Okay well, in-

'''Alec''': And you-and you had happily-

'''Chris''': Okay well still in my defense though, [[Autism|you did tell me to-you did say, "well, call me naïve" during that particular conversation]].

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Um, you know that's just a turn of phrase, right? I wasn't actually asking you to call me naïve.

'''Chris''': ''[watch as Alec's words bounce off Chris, like throwing ping-pong balls at a whale...]'' Mmkay. Well, you gave me the opportunity, so that's my defense right there.

'''Alec''': You should-

'''Chris''': ''(?)'' -agree on that.

'''Alec''': You should exercise some personal responsibility though, because, you know, you think 'naïve' is such a horrible thing, like, have you ever heard the phrase, uh, "just shoot me"? Like, you know, someone's frustrated, they'll say "just shoot me." I mean, if someone said that in your presence, would you feel, you know, okay with [[Liquid|"well, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot them"]]?

'''Chris''': No, not nec-no, not necessarily shoot them.

'''Alec''': "Not necessarily"? Does that mean you'd consider it?

'''Chris''': Mm. No, I would not shoot them at all.

'''Alec''': Well, I should hope not. I mean, you shot people in your comic before. I hope you wouldn't shoot them in real life.

'''Chris''': Date. ''(?)'' Anyway, uh, alright, so, anything else for this video, or I mean-''[mumbles]'' aside from before apologize for labeling you as having female prisoners in your basement and...raping.

'''Alec''': Um, yes. There is another item. I'd like you to admit that you don't have a good excuse to not upload pages every day.

'''Chris''': Mm.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I think that's...correct, right? You don't have a job, you don't go to school. I have both, you know, school and a job, and I upload every day.

'''Chris''': Yeah. In my defense though, actually, [[Lie|yesterday I actually went on a nice d-on a date with a nice girl, and it was a great date, could have not gone better]].

'''Alec''': Oh, um, what was the date? Like all day, I mean, it wasn't like in the morning, was it? You could have uploaded in the morning.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I wa-Yeah well I was not up in the morning.

'''Alec''': Um, you didn't have, you know, any ti-What time did you wake up? How long do you sleep?

'''Chris''': ''[Unintelligible word mixing]'' Yeah, I woke up at about eleven.

'''Alec''': Yeah, well, that's not la-

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' And I had to go out and ru-I had to go-and I actually had to go out to run a couple of errands at the g-grocery store and also I had to go and get my family some anti-freeze for their car.

'''Alec''': Okay, well I-I have chores- ''[Can't make out over Chris's interruption]''

'''Chris''': And 'caus-and c-and the-and then with that I also had to take a shower and make myself fully ready for the date.

'''Alec''': Um ''[small sigh of disapproval]'' You know, when I-When I shower and clean myself up, that takes like 20 minutes. I-I, like I said, I have a job and school and I have errands to do and I go out with people and I go out on dates and I still make sure I upload every day. I mean, Sonichu is your-Think of-Think of it this way: Sonichu is gonna be your big franchise. That's what's gonna make you money, right? Um, so you should treat it like it is your...your day to day job.

'''Chris''': Yeah

'''Alec''': And ''[Chris interrupts again with another "Yeah"]'' You-When was the last day when you uploaded a page? It's been about a week, hasn't it? I mean, even if you had, you know ''[possibly "finished it"]'' yesterday...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting again]'' Well, in my-in my dis-yeeah-
=Part 3=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|OTNOR66_JAY}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Chris''': -Yeah, well, okay, I did update the CWCipedia day before yesterday.

'''Alec''': ''[interrupts]'' With new comic pages?

'''Chris''': I didn't necessarily upload. I made an ''update''.

'''Alec''': W-what kind of update did you make?

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': ''[unintelligible]'' the captain's log or a quote update.

'''Alec''': W-well, like, ''a quote''? Really? I mean...What does that take? 5 minutes?

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, well-I mean uh-I-''[unintelligible]''-answer letters and ema-in-To answer mailbag letters but I just-

'''Alec''': ''[Interrupting]'' Yeah, you got some mail-You got some mailbags piling up too.

'''Chris''': I-I just-I just could not-I just could not stand the, uh, image that was plag-that was plaguing my CWCipedia, that Mao put up. ''[Disapproving "Um" from Alec]'' I just could not stand that.

'''Alec''': You know, Chris, if we confront our demons head on and defeat them, we come out stronger on the other side. You won't accomplish anything by running from the ads just 'cause they're unpleasant to look at. I mean ''[Chris puts in a "Right" quickly]'' Yo-You se-You know, this is the internet. You've seen tons of unpleasant crap, I'm sure ''I'' have. It doesn't stop me from ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' going on the internet. Um, a-and like I said; "Sonichu is serious business". It's your job. You should-and jo-Jobs are difficult. Jobs are hard. And... ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' I've had-I've had plenty of hard jobs. Like, you...I don't think you have any real work experience, right? But trust me, jobs are difficult.

'''Chris''': ''[Probably disregarding everything Alec has just said because he mentioned that Chris has never had a hard job and Chris has only ever had "hard working jobs"]'' Hmm. Yeah, anyway uh...Is there anything else?

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Umm...Like I said, y-you know; Take Simonla out of the comic and, in the comic, apologize to me and Mao and Evan for...for everything I've listed.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': And...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I have the list here.

'''Alec''': Um, can I ask you what you're going to do to get your fans back? 'Cause you've lost a lot of fans to me and I know you want them back.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I'm going to change - I'm gonna continue my work and make my updates.

'''Alec''': 'kay, well, you've said that a lot in the past and your update pattern has ''drastically' dropped in the last couple of weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean, it seems like... think of it this way, Chris: I'm... I am your competition, obviously, and it seems that with one little series of unpleasant ads, I have completely shut down my competition. Now, ''I'm'' a nice guy, and I'm trying to help you, and the average artist who would be your competition is ''sure as hell'' not going to help you. So, imagine if they found out 'Oh, all I have to do is buy some space on his wiki and put up an ad he doesn't like looking at'! And that'll stop his comic production entirely. I mean, are my ads really the only reason you haven't uploaded pages in a week? Yeah, well, that and your... busy day... ''[Chris tries to say something and fails]''

'''Chris''': The very dirty ones. Yeah.

'''Alec''': Um, pardon me for being blunt, but that's kind of pathetic, don't ya think?

'''Chris''': Erm... takes one to know one.

'''Alec''': 'Takes one' what? Pathetic person? I... I wouldn't consider myself pathetic, because I have 30,000 fans, the number of which I took from you. So, I don't think I'm pathetic at all. I mean, why do you think I'm pathetic?

'''Chris''': Hmm... ''[pause]'' I do not have a reason at the moment!

'''Alec''': *sighs* Well...

'''Chris''': But... but, yeah, you-you'd pretty much had to consider yourself weak to think that, you know, t-to, y-you know, you have a bunch of fans to steal someone else's.

'''Alec''': Um... how else will uh... fans come around, Chris? How else does any new franchise gets fans? They come from other sources. People, people are not living in a vacuum. Y'know, people, fans have been fans of other things. That's how competition works, the better man wins. I'm productive and I...

'''Chris''': L-Lemme... still, the ''[unintelligible]'' of whom, your ads on my website. That... that was just... that was like stealing from me.

'''Alec''': Um...

'''Chris''': Yeah, even though you paid to put the ads there, you didn't pay the [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]], you paid [[Jack Thaddeus]].

'''Alec''': Yeah. Yeah, I rented from Jack Thaddeus. That's how it works. And it turns out people like Asperchu, so... I mean, y'know... how do you think...? You watch a lot of TV, right? I mean, you see a lot of commercials. Do you think all those... people who make those commercials, y'know, Coke or McDonald's and all that think that they're bad people because they use ads? That what you're saying to me? That I am bad just because I use ads? Good franchises advertise their products.

'''Chris''': I'm not, I, I am not saying that, but if you consider me competition then it it would just, it's just terribly wrong for you to try to encourage my fans to go to you by putting, by putting your ads on your own competition space. Yeah, what if I had put up, like, I had actually successfully bought ads, put ads, bought ad space on your website, and put my ads on your website. How would you feel about that.

'''Alec''': Umm, honestly I don't think I'd be worried, because you don't respect your fans, and you don't update for weeks at a time.

'''Chris''': ''[sigh]''

'''Alec''': I think, I think my consistency, and my sticktoitiveness, and my uh, work ethic, y'know, is what makes my product superior. My fans would stay with me. I mean, they might go and locate your website, your cwcki if you put adverts on mine, but they probably wouldn't see much there worth keeping them around. There's a length of sonichu on the asperpedia front page too, if you hadn't noticed. I mean I'm not...

'''Chris''': Um... Anyway, okay well, yeah, alright, anyway, is there uh, yeah okay are we-

'''Alec''': [interrupting] There is another, there is another... I'm sorry, go ahead?

'''Chris''': Nah, no I'm sorry you go ahead, you said there's another thing?

'''Alec''': There's another item for your list, I want you to apologize to your fans for disrespecting them. You disrespect them in general, I mean, all the time but, it's your mailbags because you don't offer thought out responses, and you delete most of the mail that comes to you these days. And, I, um, there was a bit of a backlash with I think mailbag 50 or 51, whichever one that you fabricated, y'know, positive mails for instead of taking mails from the supply of existing mail. The one that you said, y'know, the one where you, you, you basically wanted all your writers to trash me. ''[pause]'' Which is another thing I would add to the list, but I think I already covered y'know, wanting you to apologize for devoting all your time to trolling me lately.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean every video that you've made, like y'know your videos might be 2 or 5 or 10 minutes long, and it probably takes quite a bit of time to upload the videos, y'know that's all time you could've spent making your comic which would've kept fans around. But instead, the average fan sees two artists; they see me who makes a good comic, and they see you who attempts to terrorize other artists.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Okay well...

'''Alec''': Did I... Go ahead, what're you thinking about that.

'''Chris''': Go ahead.

'''Alec''': No no, I had another subject to bring up, but I'd like to have your response to this first.

'''Chris''': No that's alright, you said you had another topic? Another thing for my list?

'''Alec''': No I'd like to have your response to that first. What are you... do you really think it was a good idea for you to devote what little energy you did put into this whole comic thing in the first place to, um, attacking me? I mean why would you think that was a good idea?

'''Chris''': Well because you attacked me first by putting your ads on my website.

'''Alec''': Uh, that wasn't an attack, that was just a good business move.

'''Chris''': Well to me it was an attack.

'''Alec''': Well... it seems like to you everything is an attack. Seems like to you everything is ''[unintelligible; fast?]'' when it's not. ''[Speaking over Chris as he tries to interrupt]'' Um, Chris, do you think that it's okay for, um, for you to use Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog as characters in your story? And Transformers and Meg Griffin... I mean, wouldn't their original creators get mad? That you're taking their characters?

'''Chris''': Well first off, we're talking about my own Autobots, my own Autobots-

=Part 4=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|vDS3H7NhNko}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris''': -my own Decepticons, with recoloring and different names, so they're not, so hasbro's not going to complain about that.

'''Alec''':You know that Hasbro owns the names "Autobot" and "Decepticon", right? Just using those names is already... taking from them. ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' Even if- even if- What's that?

'''Chris''': I said, nobody's complainin' to me yet.

'''Alec''': Well, that's probably 'cause you haven't made money on ''Sonichu'' yet. If you- I promise if you made one dime on ''Sonichu'', umm... Hasbro and Sega and Nintendo... will come down on your head. Because you just recolored their characters.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or if it's, like-

'''Alec''': Chris, you can't afford to wait 'till you get to that bridge, because you've spent ''ten years'' devoting your life to this comic, which ''will'' unravel the instant you try to make money off it. Get one dime, lose fifty-thousand dollars in lawsuits. You need to... do something about it now, before you waste any more time and effort on a franchise that is full of, of stolen material!.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll think about that further.

'''Alec''': Chris, I'm trying to help you here. I mean it- ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' -How many, how many times tonight have you said, you know "Oh, I'll think about that, anything else?" like you, I think you ''are'' trying to rush this phone call. Chris, I have- you've gotta admit, I've got the patience of a saint, to... keep calling you, and, keep trying to be nice to you. And, it seems like you have no concern for anything I say. I mean, keep in mind, I am- ''[Chris tries to interrupt again, succeeds]''

'''Chris''': I am- [[Lies|I have paid attention to everything you said]].

'''Alec''': But, it seems like you don't want to take my advice!

'''Chris''': Well, I am going to take your advice here.

'''Alec''': You mean, you're going to restructure your comic completely and remove all elements of- you know, that belong to other creators? 'Cause that would pretty much take apart your entire comic. What are you going to do? What's your plan, what are you going to to, to... umm... follow that advice?

'''Chris''': The reboot will happen in book number twelve.

'''Alec''': Oh, well... umm... Well, you're still working on book ten, right? So, you'll have that, and then all of book eleven... [He trails off and Chris resumes]

'''Chris''': Yeah, book eleven will be like a clip show- which will unravel some of those plots... nnn.... whatnot. And uh, answer some questions, and then book twelve is, like, restarting with just Sonichu and Rosechu, and me not gettin' involved that much.

'''Alec''': Okay, well... umm... is Sonichu still going to be a product of Pikachu and Sonic? 'Cause that's a problem right there.

[Long Pause]

'''Chris''': I do not have an answer to that question... at the moment.

'''Alec''': Chris, I suggest that you, that you... instead of going through the rest of the episodes and issues, or, Issue ten and eleven; I suggest that you stop it all right now and come up with a completely different comic. Because that's the only way you're going to get away from lawsuits. You gotta answer this problem, because... you know, Nintendo and Sega, Hasbro and ''Family Guy''... they're not going to wait. They're not, and you- and you know that when I say that you need to do a reboot, umm, you know I mean that all of the Sonichu comics that currently exist- you can ''never'' attempt to get punished. Published, I mean.

[Long silence, then they try to talk in unison]

'''Chris''': Yeah, everything you said has been taken to heart... umm... mmm... yeah-

'''Alec''': I kind of doubt that. You're... you've got this kind of lackadaisical tone you're taking with me right now. [Sigh] Chris- do you believe I'm trying to help you? [Chris tries to interrupt multiple times, loses] Do you care that I'm trying to help you?

'''Chris''': Yes, I care.

'''Alec''': Do you feel bad that you've treated me like shit, even though I've tried to help you countless times? [Long pause, Chris tries to talk, but Alec continues] You sound like an old child trying to get out of being lectured, which is why I keep asking this. Chris, I'd like you to make me- I'd like you to make me believe that you actually are listening and believe everything I say, and when I say "Listen", I don't mean, "You wrote down the list I asked you to and can repeat the words back to me", that's not what "Listening" means. "Listen" means: You are actually considering what I say.

'''Chris''': Well I am actually considering what you are saying.

'''Alec''': Prove it to me Chris.

'''Chris''': Okay... how do I prove it to you?

'''Alec''': Show some... ''[Chris tries to interrupt, but it is garbled]'' show some concern. I mean.... say something other than 'I will take it into consideration'. That's the same thing you say to your fans every time they suggest ideas to you in the mailbag. I don't think you do take anything I say into consideration. You know what... [sighs] my first few calls with you, I was like nice like this, and you were insulting to me. And then the next few times I tried to call you, I got mean and loud and yelled a lot, and then it seemed like you actually listened. And now I'm trying to be nice again because I didn't want to... I don't like being mean to people, y'know, and now it seems like you've stopped listening again. I think... I was hoping for the best, but I think I may have been right, I may have hit the nail on the head when I said that you seem to only listen to yelling and insults.

'''Chris''': Well that is not true. I do not listen to only yelling and insults.

'''Alec''': Y'know, I think you do. Because... y'know, people, I think a big problem a lot of people have is that they believe the way they behave is the way that everybody behaves-

=Part 5=
==Video==

{{Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Z9Cpfn24k9c}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|part 4]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Alec''': -and the world they follow is the world everyone follows, and I think that because you rely on bullying and trolling and insulting and trying to make other people feel bad just to make yourself feel good... Because you practice all of those, I think that you believe that's the only set of rules that applies in the world.

'''Chris''': Well that is not the case.

'''Alec''': [''sarcastically''] You sound so convincing there, you really do.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Yeah... ''[laughs, then sighs]'' y'know... you seem to really care about what Mao says, and all Mao does is insult you. Did I tell you that to get rid of Simonla, I don't remember if I brought this up...

'''Chris''': [interrupting] Yeah, yes you did.

'''Alec''': Evan wants you to violently kill her in the comic? And display it, don't show it off screen or off panel, you have to show it in the comic, like show her head getting chopped off, or show her getting shot full of bullets, something like that.

'''Chris''': I will not kill her, but she will leave CWCville peacefully.

'''Alec''': Um, you have to kill her. You have to kill...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I am not going... I am not going to kill her. I will let her leave...

'''Alec''': ''[Talking over Chris]'' Chris... no that's one of my terms. It's not like Poochie from the Simpsons where you can just take his frame out... Chris, you violently kill her, or Evan might come down on you and the CWCipedia. And I know you already got the CWCipedia shut down once when you tried to manipulate the ads. If you don't respect this now, it's gonna get shut down again, because Evan is going to come down on you. And he would've come down on you a long time ago, except I was trying to be the voice of peace and was holding his anger in check. And I'm not gonna do that now. Now I've learned my lesson, now I'm just telling you the terms. You either follow them, or face Evan's anger.

'''Chris''': Alright...

'''Alec''': So you're going to violently kill Simonla, right? And show it?

'''Chris''': That will happen, yes.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, I suggest fire. I think that's always a good way to go to deal with characters that you want to get rid of. It's just, it's very visually, y'know, draws people in. Everybody loves fire. Sometimes I light people on fire in my comic, and every time I do, I get ALL this fanmail, just praising that one panel or that one page.

'''Chris''': Yeah.. well, I will think of tha- I will think of something. I will think about it. Alright...

'''Alec''': Can I have you one more time read off your list to me?

'''Chris''': Okay... ''[sigh]'' Admit Alec has sizable fanbase...

'''Alec''': Let's actually change that to 'admit Alec has a greater fanbase than you.' Let's just, because we should be specific.

'''Chris''': ...greater fanbase.

'''Alec''': Yup, bigger fanbase...

'''Chris''': That Chris can't...greater... said that, alright, anyway, that, address permission of Sonichu use, but then it was withdrawn, and uh, admit Simonla was not mine, uh, admit amending Simonla article, uh remove Simonla by death, apologize to you for calling you naïve, apologize to Mao with a forgiveness blessing to undo the curse, apologize for ''[unintelligible]'' Asperchu and parodic characters, make a comic page explaining all that, I just apologize to you for impersonating to be my mother to get out of the last phone call, apologize for insinuating female impri-impri-imprisonment and rape on you, admit to having no excuse for not updating on... uh, as often as I should, and apologize to my fans for disrespecting them in mailbags and delayed updates.

'''Alec''': Uhm and, when you make this video, make sure that you're wearing your Sonichu medallion and your high school ring so everyone knows it's true, and I don't wanna see any of that Groucho Marx glasses bullshit. Because you've done that before. This video, I don't want any way for you to weasel out of this video.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': This video will stand for all time.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': And, oh and, one last thing. I'd like you to admit that Sonichu is a doomed franchise and you have no way of actually profiting from it or publishing it without getting sued six ways from Sunday by the real owners of the products you use.

'''Chris''': ''[meekly]''...um, yeah.

'''Alec''': That's the final thing for the list.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Uhm, okay, so and... so it sounds like you've got the list comprehensive, which is good, I'm glad you've got that written down. And I just wanna emphasize again that you will do all of those items, both in a video and in your comic, and if you do it all perfectly, exactly the way I've laid out for you, and I don't sense you're trying to weasel out of anything or trying to pull a fast one on me, I will remove all my ads. I will release my contract with Jack. But if you do try to pull anything, then the ads are going to get worse. Because despite the fact that I am trying to be calm with you, I am still very angry with you, and if you try to pull anything on me, then I am going to punish you for it.

'''Chris''': Okay, alright, okay, okay well, I'll do all that, and I'll talk to you later.

'''Alec''': Alright. Well I look forward to seeing the ad and the comic.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Alright, you have a good night Chris.

'''Chris''': And you too.

''[Tape ends]''

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|}}

=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?as656t7bsbeu1o7 Audio download]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The Call on Youtube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5

2013-12-23T22:34:56Z

Duncans Construction: /* Video */

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5''' is the fifth of the phone calls between Alec and Chris, which took place on 2 February 2010.

==Summary==

This call comes after Chris's [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|first apology video]], the making of which Alec and Chris discussed in their previous phone call. Alec is obviously annoyed with [[Chris]] to the point of berating him like he's a child, which becomes a recurring theme in their subsequent conversations. Alec calls Chris a [[troll]] and a bully and is upset that he decided to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|curse Mao]]. He is also upset that the apology video was missing key elements which Alec requested as well as containing subjects such as belittling Alec's fanbase as well as not apologizing to [[Evan]] in the comic.

Eventually, Chris steals a page from [[Wikipedia:Norman Bates|Norman Bates]] as he tries to impersonate [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] in order to get off the phone with Alec. Note that pretending to be a woman doesn't require him to change the pitch of his voice.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|uG0UP9K4zZw}}
| Stardate = 02 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

 '''Alec''': It's Alec. How are you?

 '''Chris''': Hey Alec. I'm doing okay, how are you?

 '''Alec''': I'm good, I'm good. Yeah... So, uh... I saw your apology video.

 '''Chris''': Hmm.

 '''Alec''': Yeah, um... You were... I'm glad that uh, you know you got some things there but you're missing a couple of things from the video.

 '''Chris''': Hmm... I missed a couple of things...

 '''Alec''': Yeah, yeah, yeah... A few things actually. Um, you know I asked you to apologize for the word 'naïve'. You didn't do that.

 '''Chris''': Oh, okay.

 '''Alec''': 'Cause, you know...

 '''Chris''': My bad.

 '''Alec''': Yep, yeah, it is your bad. 'Cause that word is such a huge deal to you I wanted you to mention that specifically. Pretty sure I said that.

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': Another thing you said, you said my, "quote unquote fanmail", which, I didn't like that. It was like you were suggesting that I don't actually have real fans. That's... that's not nice, Chris.

 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Well, I did not mean that.

 '''Alec''': Well, why'd you say it?

[''After long pause, both interrupt each other'']

 '''Alec''': I don't really like going through this, y'know, night after night, Chris. I mean it... I shouldn't have to tell these things over and over. You know. You tell a kid things over and over

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': An adult-A man should, y'know, listen once and know what to do.

 '''Chris''': Yep.

 '''Alec''': Um... Let's see, what else. Well apparently you... You made a video right before I talked to you cursing Mao. That wasn't good either, Chris. I mean I-I don't think I specifically mentioned Mao when I talked to you but I think you should have been able to infer that I don't want you cursing him either.

 '''Chris''': I see.

 '''Alec''': You know, I used-I used to-

 '''Chris''': But he put-he put-he put up a bunch of dicks on my CWCipedia yesterday!

 '''Alec''': I used to think that Mao was being too mean with you. I used to kinda sympathize with you about how Mao was being mean to you, but then I realized that, uh, you're a bully and you don't respond to anything except, uh, you know, mean things like that. Now, I kind of think Mao had the right idea. 'Cause I was trying to be nice to you and all you did was insult me.

 '''Chris''': No, you misunderstand me. I am not a bully.

 '''Alec''': Oh, oh you're not? Death threats, that's not-

 '''Chris''': I am not a bully!

 '''Alec''': Oh, oh no, no, of course not. Hacking into my computer, breaking into my house... Bullies don't do that, do they? ''[Chris tries to get in a word edgewise, but fails]'' I guess technically that's true, bullies don't do that, hardened criminals do things like that. Which is, you know, worse than a bully. You are a troll, though. That's for certain.

 '''Chris''': I am not a troll!

 '''Alec''': Oh, bullshit. Bullshit.

 '''Chris''': Although I did... Although I will apologize...

 '''Alec''': Ever since Asperchu appeared you've being doing nothing but trying to shut me down. Just like the trolls that try to shut you down.

 '''Chris''': ''[Mumbles something]''

 '''Alec''': But you know, but the great Christian Weston Chandler, he's perfect, you know. Nobody can... Can attack him or parody him, but if someone else does something that he doesn't like, doesn't matter if it has nothing to do with him... There's gonna be hell to pay. You wanna hack my website, hack my X-Box account, steal some dating game I don't even have... I don't need, you know, dating sims by the way... And destroy my console. That's not the work of a bully or a troll at all, is it?

 '''Chris''': I-I said that the idea was in my head, I never said I would actually to do it.

 '''Alec''': Your idea was in your comic, you put it out there for everyone to read. It-it wasn't just in your head. And hey, I thought, I thought that, uh, comics were real. Comics are just as real as real people, right? So, if you draw it on paper, then it must be the same thing as wanting to actually act on it in real life, right? Isn't that how that works? You made all of your characters slander me.

 '''Chris''': Uh, excuse me a moment. Yes? [''Chris walks away from the phone and does a horrible impression of his mother''] Hey! Hey Christian, listen. I need you to go clean up kitty's poo in the kitchen. Oh, okay mom, I'll take care of it. And let the kitty out, would ya? Sure, I'll be right out there. [''Chris comes back to the phone''] Uh, yeah, my mom's telling me I've gotta go clean up kitty's poo, I've gotta go, so uh... Is there a number I can call you back at? So I can talk to you later?

 '''Alec''': Um, I really don't want to give you a number 'cause you troll me on the internet already, you'll probably troll me on the phone if I gave you my contact number. You know what? You know, you go ahead... Y-you go ahead, I know, I know letting the cat out is probably gonna be hard work and is gonna make you want to sleep 'cause I know your biological clock is, is you know, is all whacked out from all your stress. 'Cause I know it's stressful, uh, trolling me... So.

 '''Chris''': I'm not trolling you. But anyway. Yeah.

 '''Alec''': Oh... The hell...

 '''Chris''': But anyway. Other questions that you have you send them to my e-mail...

 '''Alec''': Okay, well, Chris? I-I wanna let you know that, um, that your apology video was not satisfactory, and you haven't even apologized to Evan at all in your comic like I asked you to. So you go ahead and go, and I'll talk to you later. I'll call you when you don't-

 '''Chris''': Well yeah, but by the way-by the way I unblocked your e-mail, so you can send-send your own-send your thoughts in typing as well.

 '''Alec''': Oh. I'll... Well, you know... Such a gracious, uh-

 '''Chris''': Never mind, I'll-

 '''Alec''': Such a- such a gracious... Allowance that you made there.

[''-Tape Ends-'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|Chris and Alec Call 4]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|Chris and Alec Call 6]]|}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?9b4vn8rxmv2pwhd Full Audio of the Call]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=043M89cXAlU The Call on Youtube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4

2013-12-23T22:33:28Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4''' is the fourth of the seven leaked phone calls between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 1 February 2010. In this conversation, they mainly discuss the apology video that Alec required of Chris as a condition for removing [[Asperpedia]]'s advertisements from the front page of the [[CWCipedia]].

==Summary==

Chris's attitude throughout the conversation is that of a small child being disciplined. He clearly feels no remorse for the various insults and death threats he's thrown at Alec and his associates, and he seems to barely even understand why [[Evan]] wants him to stop abusing his Simonchu character. He also apparently thinks that everyone should automatically believe his "[[Lie|retraction]]" of the truth about [[Simonla Rosechu]]'s origins.

Alec attempts to explain the concepts of parody and plagiarism to Chris through a simple object lesson, but it's obvious that nothing sinks in. Chris doesn't seem to have any grasp of the issue beyond believing that he should be able to do what he wants, while others should do what he wants them to.

Towards the end of the call, Chris takes off on a tangent, demanding that Alec make some sort of concession as far as his parodies of Chris's characters in the Asperchu comics. Alec cuts him off short, however, refusing to agree to anything until Chris delivers his apology.

Said apology would take the form of the video Chris released on [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|1 February 2010]], where he hit some, but not all of the points Alec asked him to. There, Chris showed about as much remorse as he does here, which is to say none at all.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Nc4yR4fXCDY}}
| Stardate = 01 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

[''We join the conversation in progress.'']

'''Chris''': ...that at him. 
'''Alec''': Yeah, well, you guess...guess what, Chris. Those ads aren't going anywhere until you answer a few questions of mine. 'Cause I'm sick of being nice to you. 
'''Chris''': What are you... 
'''Alec''': I've been nice... 
'''Chris''': Well, what are your questions? 
'''Alec''': I've been nice to you for too long. Well, first of all, your apology video. Completely unsatisfactory. You didn't mention anything of what you were apologizing for. You just said, "Oh, I'm apologizing for some of the things I said." Is that supposed to include the death threats, Chris? 'Cause you should probably mention that specifically. 
'''Chris''': Yes, it did include the past death threats. 
'''Alec''': Okay, well, I think you should make a better apology video, and in your second apology video... 
'''Chris''': Okay. 
'''Alec''': ...I want you to, um, not spend 80 percent of the video making demands of me. 'Cause, see, an apology video should be just that. It should be apologizing for when you did something wrong. Do you think you've done something wrong to me, Chris? Do you think you have? I think you have. 
'''Chris''': Do I think I have, do I think I have done anything wrong to you? 
'''Alec''': Yes. Do you think that? 
'''Chris''': Why yes I, yes, I admit that I have done wrong to you, Alec. 
'''Alec''': Okay. 
'''Chris''': By mis-, by mislabelings and, and mistakes and errors, and I apologize for that. 
'''Alec''': Mislabelings. Kinda like what a troll would do. Isn't that right? Why don't you list all the things you did wrong? List them specifically. 'Cause, 'cause I want to make sure. You know, I don't want to just tell you to make a more specific video if you don't know specifically. So please list the things you think you did wrong to me. 
'''Chris''': Okay, I will. [''pause''] 
'''Alec''': I'm waiting. 
'''Chris''': Do you mean... 
'''Alec''': I mean list now, I'd like to hear you say now. 
'''Chris''': Alright Alec, I'm sorry for mislabeling you, and giving you your, giving you death threats. 
'''Alec''': What did you mislabel me as, Chris? 
'''Chris''': [''sighs, his tone becomes exasperated''] Mislabeling, mislabeling you as a villain type of person. 
'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah, that was pretty bad of you, wasn't it? 
'''Chris''': Yeah. [''pause''] 
'''Alec''': Okay, continue. 
'''Chris''': Alright. Anything else? 
'''Alec''': I'm asking you, I'm asking you to continue with the list. 
'''Chris''': Oh. [''Chris pauses, sighs heavily, then begins to mutter under his breath.''] Uh, let's see, death threats, mislabeling, calling you, making you out like a villain... 
'''Alec''': How about, uh...here's a hint. Uhm, is there, is there anyone close to me? A friend, perhaps, that maybe you've mislabeled as well? That you've done wrong against? Can you think of any? 
'''Chris''': Let me guess, Evan? 
'''Alec''': You got it right, you got it right. You have wronged Evan. Do you know how you have wronged Evan? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh, long pause''] For labeling him as... 
'''Alec''': Not that hard. 
'''Chris''': ...the origin point for Simonla 
'''Alec''': Um, no, actually. Actually, that was the correct thing. That was the one correct thing you did, was labeling him as the origin point of Simonla, 'cause that's what he was. 
'''Chris''': Okay. 
'''Alec''': What's the wrong thing you did to him? 
'''Chris''': Hm... I yelled at him too! Then you made that... 
'''Alec''': [''talking over Chris''] Uh, there's a, there's a bigger issue. You stole, you stole Simonchu from him. There, I gave that one to you. And you won't give his character back. What do you think of that? 
'''Chris''': He can have, he can have his Simonchu! 
'''Alec''': Simonla. Simonla ''is'' Simonchu. You just, you just took his Simonchu and twisted it around. 
'''Chris''': No I did not. Simonla is not Simonchu. 
'''Alec''': That's what your Simonchu article on your CWCipedia says. Says Simonla is based off Simonchu. 
'''Chris''': Well, I don't know... 
'''Alec''': [''talking over Chris again''] You know, Chris, I find this... Chris. I told you last time. It doesn't matter if you go changing the article now. That doesn't change what was in the past. You cannot write a new article in the present and change what happened in the past. You used Simonchu as is the basis of Simonla. 
'''Chris''': Yes I can, I can call a retraction to that. Yes I can, I called a retraction! 
'''Alec''': Simonla is based off Simonchu. Doesn't matter. Okay, Chris, let me, let me think of an example for you. Let's say that I take [[Family Guy]] and, you know Peter Griffin on Family Guy? Let's say that I make a comic and I just use Peter Griffin as my main character in my comic. And I do that for a few years. And then Seth MacFarlane comes knockin' on my door and says, "Hey, you didn't ask for permission to use Peter Griffin." Do you think it's okay for me to just right then change it and say, "Oh, okay, I'm just gonna pretend like I never based my Peter Griffin off of Family Guy." Do you think that would solve the problem? You can't retract a fact! 
'''Chris''': I guess... Hm. 
'''Alec''': Does that make sense? I find it, I think, personally, I am most offended by your accusations of me stealing your Sonichu, and of Asperchu being a theft of you and all of that, when all along you have been stealing Simonchu from someone else. Why is plagiarism okay for you, if it's not okay for anyone else? Why is "[[parody]]"... 
'''Chris''': Sorry, I'm not, I'm just... 
'''Alec''': Okay, Chris, why is "parody" and plagiarism, why are those concepts okay for you to do, but they're not okay for anyone else to do? Will you tell me that? 
'''Chris''': Hmm. Hmm. Okay, I guess I cannot think of a good answer for that. 
'''Alec''': Yeah. That's because there really isn't one. You understand that, right? The same rules have to apply to everyone. You don't get different rules than other artists. You need to atone for your mistakes. 
'''Chris''': Yeah... 
'''Alec''': I want you to, one of these things I want you to do before I take, have Mao take down the ads. I want you to, in your comic, issue a full apology to Evan, and admit that Simonla and Simonchu are not your characters, and you used them wrongfully, without his permission, and you are going to retire them. Not really that hard to do. I mean, Simonla hasn't even appeared in your comic recently, so it's not like you're, you're gonna hurt your plotline if you just issue an admission that you're not gonna use her anymore. 
'''Chris''': Hmm. Well, I'll think about that. 
'''Alec''': Not good enough. My ads aren't going down unless you say yes to that. That's one of my conditions. I have several. Because I've got several problems with you. 
'''Chris''': Yep. Anyway, yeah, I will think about that. 
'''Alec''': Okay. Another problem, I want you to apologize to me for calling me [[naïve]]. 
'''Chris''': Okay, I will try... 
'''Alec''': You remember when I tried to talk to you about that? 
'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm sorry for calling you... 
'''Alec''': You remember when I tried to talk to you about that, when you hung up on me? Because you think "naïve" is such a horrible insult... 
'''Chris''': Okay, I'm sorry I called you naïve. 
'''Alec''': Do you believe I am naïve? 
'''Chris''': ...I'm sorry for calling you naïve. No, I do not believe you are naïve. 
'''Alec''': Well, good. You know, I don't think "naïve" is that bad of a word, but what means the most is that you think it's a bad thing, and you still used it. 
'''Chris''': Hmm. 
'''Alec''': You meant it to be a horrible insult, that's the problem here. I want you to put that in your new apology video for me. 
'''Chris''': Okay. 
'''Alec''': You might want to get a pen and paper and just write these things down, because there's a few points here. I don't want you to forget any of them. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. I owe you an, I'm going to... 
'''Alec''': You can't just apologize to me over the phone, you have... 
'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm writing it down. 
'''Alec''': Okay. Are you writing it down now? 
'''Chris''': Yeah. 
'''Alec''': What are the main things that I want you to do? List them off to me, just so I know that you're with me so far. 
'''Chris''': Okay, I'm apologizing for giving you death, for cursing you, giving you death threats, calling you naïve... 

=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|iEz04iGXk1Y}}
| Stardate = 01 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec''': Mm-hm. What else are you going to do for me? 
'''Chris''': [''angry short sigh''] Labeling your comics as plagiaration of my Sonichu character and myself. And apologizing to Evan. 
'''Alec''': You're going to admit that Asperchu is original? 
'''Chris''': I'll admit Asperchu is your original character. 
'''Alec''': And what else about Evan? You're going to apologize to him, but what else are you going to do for him? 
'''Chris''': Yeah...yeah, I'm going to apologize to him, and he can have his Simonchu. 
'''Alec''': Yes, he can have it, but what are you going to do? You're going to admit publicly that Simonchu is not yours to use, and you were wrong to do it. Right? 
'''Chris''': Right. Simonchu is not mine. 
'''Alec''': You're gonna put that in the video, and I also want you to put that in the comic. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright. 
'''Alec''': Good. I'm glad. We're getting somewhere, Chris. I'm glad about this. 
'''Chris''': Okay. 
'''Alec''': It feels like you're finally starting to listen to me a little bit, because you haven't been listening to me. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. 
'''Alec''': You know, I thought about what you said. About how Asperchu wouldn't like to be named Asperchu. I thought that I might write it into my comic, I might have Asperchu say that he likes his name. That would probably clear that problem up, don't you think? 
'''Chris''': Uh... I guess so. 
'''Alec''': Because I don't... Does that make sense to you? 'Cause I don't know if I believe this "comic characters are real" thing, but in case they are, you know, that's a good way to go, wouldn't you agree? 
'''Chris''': Fairly. 
'''Alec''': Fairly? Makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, if Asperchu says, out loud, he likes his name, then there's no way he could be lying. 
'''Chris''': Hmm. 
'''Alec''': I mean, you're always filling in Sonichu's speech bubbles, so whatever Sonichu says must be correct, right? Sonichu says he likes something, then he likes something. So if Asperchu says, in my comic, that he likes his name, then he likes his name. 
'''Chris''': Okay, then. 
'''Alec''': Wouldn't you agree? 
'''Chris''': I thought, yeh, yeah, as long as, yeah, okay, well, just don't make any references of, you know, of my city of CWCville, or saying that my, my original Sonichu is related to Asperchu. Just, you know... [''sigh''] 
'''Alec''': Um, well, like we talked about... 
'''Chris''': You know, okay, this is like, you know, say, like, you know... Yeah. I'm just saying that they're not the original characters and just... 
'''Alec''': Like we talked about before, well, you already admitted that, you already stated that the Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo and everything else that appears in my comic are just copies or not connected to you. So it really doesn't matter what I do with my Sonichu and my CWCville and all that, does it? 
'''Chris''': No. 
'''Alec''': 'Cause they're different that yours. 
'''Chris''': Your CWCville is mine and the Chaotic Combo is mine. They're, they originally were mine. 
'''Alec''': You said the ones that I'm using is different, though. That's the one that you tried to steal from me, remember? 
'''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] 
'''Alec''': You should probably also add this to your list, actually, you should probably apologize for stealing things from me, all the while you're trying to fight me stealing things from you. I think that's a good thing to add to your apology list. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, okay, well, just do me a favor for, okay, before the re-creation of Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in your book, just, just establish that they're not the ones from CWCville, they're just from another, they're from... 
'''Alec''': I'm not gonna consider doing a damn thing for you until I see this apology video and I'm satisfied with it. 
'''Chris''': Alright, you will see the apology video. 
'''Alec''': Because I know you've weaseled out of apologies before. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. 
'''Alec''': If I'm not satisfied with the apology video, I'm gonna call you back and tell you that you need to do it again. So you might as well do it correct. Exactly correct the first time around. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay. I get it. 
'''Alec''': Does that sound fair to you? 
'''Chris''': Yeah. I'll get to work on that, and, uh, I'll have it up late tonight. 
'''Alec''': Tonight, tomorrow, whenever you want. It's your schedule. 
'''Chris''': Okay. Alright, I gotta go now. You take care, bye-bye.

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Chris and Alec Call 3]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|}}

=External links=
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?hb54dyq7l410ctt The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18pBOGTVDYo The Call on Youtube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2

2013-12-23T22:29:01Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2''' is the second of the calls between Chris and [[Alec Benson Leary]], which took place on 28 [[January 2010]].

==Summary==
[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
Alec lets Chris ramble on about the ads on the [[CWCipedia]] again before the topic changes to subjects that make Chris feel uncomfortable in his [[Mailbag]]. On the subject of [[Rosechu]]'s gender and pointed tail, Chris attempts to get Alec to believe he meant for the original Raichu's tail to be dull all along and becomes angry when Alec points out that he is lying.

Chris goes on to discuss how he feels that [[Asperchu]] is a [[Chris and reality|living, breathing creature in another universe with thoughts and feelings who wouldn't want to be named "Asperchu."]] Alec claims that Asperchu is unable to have a desire to be named something else because Asperchu doesn't exist, and Chris responds by repeatedly calling him "[[naïve]]" for not believing in a cartoon world similar to that seen in ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''.

They both agree to disagree, then move on to the lack of updates in [[Sonichu]]. Chris blames his [[biological clock]] for his inability to upload new pages and explains how the [[Chris and writing|creative process]] of his work requires a pain-staking thirty minutes of typing dialogue. Chris admits to using Photoshop, but says that since his comics are [[Chris and art|hand-drawn and hand-colored]], in his [[TRUE and HONEST]] opinion (and that of [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]], apparently) ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is the superior comic. Alec points out that he draws his comics by hand, even if it's with a [[Wikipedia:Graphics tablet|graphics tablet]], and that his art doesn't have any less "personality" than Chris's work.

Chris returns to complaining about the [[CWCipedia]] adspace, hinting that the only real reason he's negotiating with Alec at all is to get the Asperpedia ads removed. Alec brings up [[Simonchu]], and Chris falsely<ref>[[:File:Fkinglie.png]]</ref> denies [[Simonla]] was ever inspired by Simonchu. When that Alec explains that Evan wants Simonchu and Simonla written out of the comic, and that Evan may consider taking [[Chris and the law|legal action]], Chris replies with "I'll think about it". Unsurprisingly, Evan did take [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Closed (For Good) Due To Theft|legal action]].
{{Clear}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|rBvtdEcW-BQ}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

[[Image:comparison.jpg|thumb|He might have a point here]]
=== Transcript ===

'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hi, is this, uh, is this Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, this is Christian Chandler, may I help you?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, this is Alec Benson Leary again, how are you?

'''Chris:''' Oh! I would have expected you to call at 9:30, uh, but anyway...

'''Alec:''' Oh! I actually did try to call at 9:30, didn't get an answer so I thought I'd try again, you-you're quite a difficult man to get a hold of, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmm... Yeah, I can talk for a few minutes, so let's try not to belabor this conversation.

'''Alec:''' Not at all, I don't... I don't wanna drag anything out. Um, well first I'll ask you if you have anything, uh, specific that you want to bring up, cause I know that you had to go kinda abruptly last time, and I thought maybe that there was a point you didn't get to or anything.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay... Wanna go ahead with that?

'''Chris:''' Umm... well first off, you know...you know I have, um...I have gone to the CWCipedia recently, its the Ads are still super-sized, but, they are more of a mockery towards me now, and I do not appreciate that.

'''Alec:''' Yeeeaaah, I'm sorry about that, [[Mao]] is kinda, he got a little bit of a temper, you know, h-he-he is kinda mad about this whole... the [[mailbag]] situation, emails getting deleted and all that sort of thing. You know, I-I-I um, I saw in, uh, one of your mailbags, that you said that I delete, or uh, modify a lot of my e-mails. I don't know where you got that impression, actually, I don't do that. You know, I try to answer every e-mail I get thoughtfully, and fully.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's probably easy for you...probably easier for you because, yours are not as... mean and cruel and condescending as the ones I have been getting.

'''Alec:''' Have you been getting a lot of mean ones that have not been go into the mailbag? Cause, the ones I've see... a lot of them, well they do get critical at points, but I... I dunno, it seems like they been, they just kinda wanna, you know, have some questions answered.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, But I wish they wouldn't have'ta go so critical.

'''Alec:''' Like, uh, what do you mean, like uh, what are some of the things that you found just kinda crossed the line?

'''Chris:''' Like-Like they talk about... Like they talk about [[copyright]] issues and crap...

'''Alec:''' [''Trying to talk''] Well that is...that is kinda of an important issue, I mean...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] BUT-but I have my own [[Chris and copyright#Copyright registration|copyright registration]], that slip of paper I got from the [[Virginia]] Library of Congress...

'''Alec:''' Yeah, uh, I noticed one of the copyright related e-mails was um, someone asked if they could see, just some letter, or some evidence [[Sega]] or [[Nintendo]] gave you, uh, permission to go with [[Sonic]] and [[Pikachu]], and that kinda stuff for [[Sonichu]]'s origin story. Um, you know, if you provided those, that would silence those kind of e-mails right away.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' I mean, you do have copyright of Sonichu, but you would still need to show Nintendo's permission to publish it, you know what I mean?

'''Chris:''' Hmm...

'''Alec:''' 'Cause it has Pikachu in the origin story.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah, I think that would be a good idea to show everyone in the mailbag, you know, that would shut up that line of questioning right away.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but there's... also... the homosexuals, and uh, other topics, ugh, I can't remember them off the top of my head. Yeah, there's quite a few.

'''Alec:''' Like the accusations that [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|Rosechu is a boy]]? I think, that was kind of a big thing-

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Alec:''' People were going after-

 '''Chris:''' But I, I mean, yeah, that's only before the [[rainbow]] strike, I mean, the point where that Raichu- female Raichu is within the rainbow, that would be after the rainbow strikes that Raichu.

'''Alec:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' And with the power of the- with the power of the [[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystals]].

'''Alec:''' Well you know-

'''Chris:''' I-it was with a point, it was as point to the end of that tail, in the two panels that preceded it, the tail was definitely dull at the end.

'''Alec:''' Uhh, well, you know, the- as far as I know, the original comic does have a point tail, like a male has, and that's- that's still on [[CWCipedia|your website]], isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I-

'''Alec:''' You know, one thing I thought about was the gender differences in the Pokémon, that didn't, Nintendo didn't do that until a while after you created it, Sonichu, right? So, I mean, I just don't get why you didn't go with that. That would've been a good explanation, but instead you kinda [[lie]]d to your [[fans]].

'''Chris:''' What do you mean, lied? [[Lie|I did not lie]], I mean, you look at the two pictures before the rainbow hit, the tail is dull on the tip.

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, I see that in your picture that's on the front of the CWCipedia, but on the original comic he had a pointy tail, or she, I mean.

'''Chris:''' The original-

'''Alec:''' I've seen the original.

'''Chris:''' That's because- look, outside, [[Chris and art|that's just a line that is going outside of the square]], [[Chris and reality|whatever goes outside, does not necessarily count.]]

'''Alec:''' Uh, it doesn't look like it goes, like, outside the panel here, but... I mean, y'know... I don't really know. I know that you don't... you probably should have corrected that mistake, but you left it in. I mean, I'm just trying to- I mean, I just kinda wish that thing had gotten nipped in the bud. It kinda sucks, but this is like, a huge point of contention right now.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Al-also, you know, another thing, I've actually found, I've actually found a [[Sonichu Forum|forum of my loyal fans]], and I have just read some posts about the ads that have been placed in the CWCipedia, and they really don't like 'em either.

'''Alec:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' So, I'm not alone in that.

'''Alec:''' Well, alright. Well... you know, uh... if they wanted to buy the ad-space that's, I'm sure they could too. I mean, again, y'know, the ads, I'm gonna keep trying to talk to Mao but it's really his area. Mao's kind of the boss of the ads, I'm just kind of the artistic genius. Mao does the business work.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that definitely do not appreciate that- that drawing of me, in a [[Butt garments|diaper]], and then just copying and pasting my signature to that.<ref>[[:File:Cwcbaby.jpg]]</ref> That's just wrong.

'''Alec:''' Well, you know, um, I noticed that even after our last talk you continued referring Asperchu as [[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch]]. I thought we had that cleared away. I thought you knew he was Asperchu, I mean Asperchu is my original creation.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe so, but still-

'''Alec:''' And I think you still have the impression that Asperchu is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], and you know that's not true, right? Asperchu is not a Sonichu.

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, okay, but still think about this, y-y-y-you picked- you gave him the condition of [[Aspergers]].

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct. Oh! That's another thing. I think you, I think you thought that I gave everyone that appeared on my comic Aspergers, but only Asperchu has it. Just Asperchu.

'''Chris:''' [Sighs] Well-

'''Alec:''' Okay, you were gonna say something?

'''Chris:''' A-anyway, still, I think you could understand, since you have Aspergers and conservely, with my Autism, that we would pref- we don't really don't wanna be treated as sep- as treated as quote-unquote, "[[Slow-in-the-minds|special]]" because of our mental conditions, we want to be treated as equal individuals.

'''Alec:''' [over Chris] Well, that's certainly true, but how do you think I've been portraying Asperchu as being treated, y'know, different?

'''Chris:''' Try putting yourself in the shoes of your- of your Asperchu. If- if you, I mean, not only would you want to be treated as an individual equal, but-

'''Alec:''' That's how I portray him, he does everything normal people do.

'''Chris:''' But you would not want a name that empathizes the mental condition, you want a name that is more manly-

'''Alec:''' Well y'know, Chris, [[Christopher's name change|we don't choose our names. Our names are given to us.]] Asperchu never chose his name. I mean, think of it this way, the name "Asperchu," if you think of that as a detriment- I don't, but if you interpret the comic that way- think of it as a personal, sort of, character flaw, if you will, that he has to work to overcome. [[Chris and writing|All good characters have character flaws.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean-

'''Alec:''' And, and, it's fiction. Sometimes characters don't always live the happiest lives in fiction, but that's part of what makes good fiction.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hmm, yeah, but still, think about it, what if your-

=Part 2=

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|12rVjQlFy4g}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Chris:''' -parents had named you "Asper?"

'''Alec:''' Uhh...

'''Chris:''' Just to foretell that you had Aspergers, that you would have Aspergers.

'''Alec:''' Well...

'''Chris:''' You would not want that [''[[Speech impediment|stammers]]''] you were being treated- wanting to be treated as an equal in society, you would not to be called "Asper" because-

'''Alec:''' But Chris-

'''Chris:''' Because that emphasizes the mental condition you have.

'''Alec:''' Okay Chris, that's part of the, again, character flaw, Asperchu has things weighing him down, he has curses and... y'know, not [[Chris the Shaman|literal curses]], but he has detriments to his life that [[Stress|weigh him down]] as a character, and he has to work to overcome those. That's part of what makes a good character. You wouldn't make a character that's just [[Chris-chan Sonichu|all powerful and perfect in every way and has no real problems ever]], would you? That'd be kinda boring. Complex characters have problems that they overcome.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it takes, it takes time, too, to overcome a serious problem, I mean, you just renamed him "Mitch," and that wouldn't do it, y'know you can't just go and snap your fingers and just wave the problem away and- 1. That's not realistic, and 2. That doesn't make for good fiction, I mean, all the drama you're building up, y'know, your readers really wouldn't really like that if you just kinda hand-waved it away, don't you think?

'''Chris:''' Alright, yeah, okay, but still-

'''Alec:''' Think about it like this: [[Wikipedia:Superman|Superman]] is named "Superman" because he's super, right? And y'know, Superman is one of the most- [''is cut off'']

'''Chris:''' I mean- as- as-as an individual, within his own world, outside of your control, Asperchu would not want that name, he would be in agreement with me, and would probably want to change his name to something like "Mitch."

'''Alec:''' Ah, but the thing there is, Asperchu is not outside of my control because it's a comic, and I am the creator and, y'know, manager of his comic universe. So, I- as his creator I decide what Asperchu wants and what he doesn't want, and what his personality is like.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, don't you think?

'''Chris:''' Fairly. I mean, have you ever watched the movie ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''?"

'''Alec:''' Yes I have, it was a good movie.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, you got the whole [[Wikipedia:Toontown|toon world]] there, and within that, it coincides with the comic as well, and every individual comic, published or unpublished, drawn altogether. And within the world, actually, would reside your Asperchu, but he would be with his individual thoughts since you gave him an adult attitude within his, within his individual thoughts, he would- he would hate having the name of Asperchu 'cause it emphasizes his mental problem.

'''Alec:''' Umm...

'''Chris:''' His special condition. And he's like, his process of wanting to move from that, and become more acceptable in society, that he would not want a name that would make him feel...

'''Alec:''' Okay...

'''Chris:''' Like as if he's still living it, even after he's fully recovered from it.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but Chris, um, ''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'', that was still a movie, and everything in it was predetermined by the movie writers and director, and there is no alternate cartoon world in reality, I mean, cartoon characters don't actually think and feel things. Okay, here's a question-

'''Chris:''' Well, you obviously are naïve about that, cause you're not fully underst-, you're [[Chris and reality|not understanding that possibility of that universe actually existing]].

'''Alec:''' So you do believe that, um, when an artist creates a cartoon character, that character becomes real? That what you're saying to me?

'''Chris:''' Within that universe, yes.

[''[[Trolls|Raucous laughter]] can be heard in the background'']

'''Alec:''' But the universe is fake. I mean, the ''Asperchu'' universe exists on paper and in my computer. It's just, it's whatever I write it to be. Oh, here's a question for you. Okay, so if you think a character would want, you know, and appropriate name, a good name, not a name that calls them out on something, or sets them back, um... "Sonichu" is the name of a species, correct? I mean, there's Sonichus and Rosechus, those are a species, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, he was the first one, the first original Sonichu, and she was the original Rosechu-

'''Alec:''' So, wouldn't they want their own-

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] And-and they each came up with their name, on their own, [''contradicting [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where [[Kel]] gives [[Rosechu]] her name''] and they did not need a nickname to go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but Chris, if you're a human being would you be comfortable just being named "Human"? Or "Man"? I mean, you wouldn't- would you be comfortable if the name "Christian Weston Chandler" didn't exist, and you were just called, "Man," or "Person," or something?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, y'know ''Homo sapiens''-

'''Chris:''' Yeah but I would [''Chris and Alec talk over each other'']

'''Alec:''' ...''Homo sapiens''.

'''Chris:''' Yes, but still-

'''Alec:''' [[Homos|Homo, homo]].

'''Chris:''' I was not the first human being, and I actually had parents who gave me that name. Sonichu came in, he had to come up with his own name-

'''Alec:''' Well, Sonichu had you who gave him that name didn't he? I mean, within [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]], you, [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], are Sonichu's father, right? I mean, why wouldn't, why wouldn't your cartoon self give him a name?

'''Chris:''' Uh, that's the cartoon me, versus the real me.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but isn't the cartoon you... Okay, like you said, cartoons are basically real, I mean, so shouldn't the cartoon version of you be just like you? Wouldn't you want to give your child a name? I mean you-

'''Chris:''' I did give him a name, he's the original Sonichu, so therefore, it's as such.

'''Alec:''' But all the other Sonichus also have nicknames, or secondary names, so, so the first Sonichu, I gotta think is feeling kinda left out.

'''Chris:''' Well, he doesn't feel left out. He accepts that, and he's happy with it, just as Rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, I don't think Asperchu feels left out because, y'know, he's just my cartoon character. He's my property, y'know, he's my intellectual property, that's what he is. You can't have a person as property, so you know, he's my property, he's not a person, he doesn't feel things, he doesn't think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well still, what if you could actually could see- what if you could actually could see the child with your girlfriend or wife? Then, would you feel that you own that child even after you have raised him from being a baby, to, let's say, late teenage years where that child would feel more like and individual and independent being?

'''Alec:''' [''clearly frustrated with Chris's nonsense''] Chris, you do understand, that a child, a human being is substantially more that a comic character, right? They're not the same thing, they're not even close. Of course I would name a child, children are real, and children are not our property, I mean if I had a child, I would give it all the love and support it needed, but it is it's own person, he or she, I should say. Where as a comic character is just, it's whatever you draw on paper or in Photoshop. I mean, I draw Asperchu on paper, that's the only place he exists. And then I upload him onto my computer and that's where he exists, and he exists on the web. So I have a character, he grows, but he's never a person.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well anyway, this is confusing to think about. Okay- well- yeah...

'''Alec:''' We can agree to disagree.

'''Chris:''' Okay, what if As- what if the shoe was on the other foot- what if Asperchu created you?

'''Alec:''' Well then, I'd be a comic character, myself, and I wouldn't have any thoughts and feelings, so that's a moot point.

'''Chris:''' You think that comic character wouldn't have its own thoughts and feelings?

'''Alec:''' NO!

'''Chris:''' You are [[naïve]].

'''Alec:''' Chris, you have told me that you think a comic character is fundamentally as much of a person as a real human being, that is the naïve thought.

'''Chris:''' No, you are-

'''Alec:''' I'm a writer, I'm like the [[god]] of the Asperchu world. I decide what goes on in Asperchu's world, I decide, who and what Asperchu is and what he thinks and feels, if anything, which he doesn't, because he's still just a character on paper, y'know, when I put the pen down, Asperchu stops being there. Nothing exists in Asperchu's world that I haven't drawn.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Boy, you are-

'''Alec:''' And it's naïve to think that there's anything more.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm, uh- I think we should agree to disagree on this point.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Um, because we have our own thoughts on that. Um, I kinda ask you about- I'm actually getting some letters about Sonichu, about why you're not updating daily, and I was kinda curious about that.

'''Chris:''' I- for your information, I am updating daily. I draw two pages- I draw and color my two pages a day. I can't help if I don't have access to my computer or if I can't get to it right away, besides which, my [[biological clock]] has been fickle on me and it's making me go- making fall asleep earlier.

=Part 3=

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|uGKaG14VkYs}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Alec:''' Well, I understand-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Alec''] And it's difficult to rearrange my schedule, and get back in- in a sync-synchronized routine like I would be.

'''Alec:''' Maybe you could get an alarm clock. You know, I- I'm just kinda curious, like, I know it takes, what, like an hour to do each page, about what you spend, I would kinda guess. Um, I'm just kinda confused why you'd spend an hour to draw a page, but not take that extra sixty seconds to upload it. I think consistency is important thing-

'''Chris:''' But, wait, it could take- it takes more than sixty seconds to scan it in Photoshop, then upload it. It would probably take like half an hour for all that work.

'''Alec:''' I didn't know you did Photoshop work with your pages. What do you, what do you use Photoshop for, if I may ask? I'm just kinda curious. I thought you just-

'''Chris:''' T-t-to change it from more hand-written text, to more legible typed text.

'''Alec:''' Y'know, If I remember right, I think kinda one of the criticisms you had about ''Asperchu'' was that it was not completely hand-drawn original. Because I do use Photoshop in part of my creative process, but it sounds like you do kind of the same thing. Which is, you know, that's fine. Digital, digital media is where our world is going, but I thought- see I thought you drew it all on paper and uploaded it.

'''Chris:''' I did draw it all on paper. The only part I edit in Photoshop is the text; what you reeead.

'''Alec:''' 'Kay, I thought so. Well, it just seems a little hypocritical, but you do use Photoshop in the creative process, but you criticized me for it. Don't you think?

'''Chris:''' No, actually, what I thought, is that you skip the hand-drawing and you draw everything on your Photoshop with your computer mouse.

'''Alec:''' Well I don't- here's what I do. I do sometimes draw the pages on paper, um, I'm kinda trying to shy away from that because, our society wastes so much paper, so I'm trying to be a little more socially responsible. But what I do, I use a [[Wikipedia:Graphics tablet|tablet]], and I draw on that, and that's basically the same thing as pen and paper, it's, uh, what I draw goes directly on the computer screen. So I don't use a mouse.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, it's the same thing-

'''Chris:''' Okay, but still, it looks crappy compared to mine. Even [[Barb|my mother]] agrees.

'''Alec:''' Oh, hey, hey, hey, c'mon that's a little insulting Chris, what do you mean, "crappy"? I mean, my mother says my comic is the most beautiful comic she's ever seen too but, I kind of think that's because she's a supportive mother. You know, mothers are supposed to support their children in their endeavors. And I have, y'know, got 20,000 fans now that love it too. None of them are my mother. My mother doesn't actually use a computer, I just show her the print-outs. [''silence''] Y'know, I get complimented on my art all the time.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it's okay to disagree. I just, I'm curious why you think it's crappy?

'''Chris:''' Because it's computer drawn. It's not originally hand-drawn.

'''Alec:''' I just told you, it is hand-drawn. It's hand-drawn on a tablet. What do you mean, it's not an "original hand-drawn?"

'''Chris:''' It don't have the old-fashioned original pencil or pen markings, that's what I have.

'''Alec:''' So, because I don't have smudge-marks on my paper, is that's what you mean? That was another reason I went with the tablet, because I got a lot of smudge-marks on my paper when I was doing math and I had to spend extra time erasing it. Y'know is- okay, by comparison, could I say that our [[Son-Chu|cars]] are not true original transportation because people should be using old-fashioned horses? You use Photoshop for lettering and effects. We're one in the same here, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And-and again, I just don't see why, the exact method I use to draw determines the skill of my art. Weren't you um, I remember recently, didn't you put, like, a live picture of yourself in your comic for some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' theme? I mean, you didn't draw that part in, did you?<ref>A reference to "[[Revive Zordon]]" from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]</ref>

'''Chris:''' I-I-It at least allows me, to put myself in my work. See, a bigger difference between drawing with a tablet or mouse versus hand-drawn is that you see more personality with the orig- with the pen-marking, and color—and marker coloring versus what's... what's digitally entered-

'''Alec:''' Well, if you feel that way. If you feel that way, I respect your opinion, but, I mean, y'know, 20,000 fans can't be wrong, and not a single one of them have ever said anything.

'''Chris:''' Okay well-okay well, l-let me give you a better example on that. Okay, say you got, uh, two letters, two exact same letters from a person, from the same person. One hand-written, and one computerized and printed, which one would you think would have more personality, or would appeal to you better?

'''Alec:''' I honestly don't remember the last time anyone wrote me a hand-written letter. I don't even remember the last time I wrote a hand-written letter, I type everything, every kind of- I mean, typing looks more professional.

'''Chris:''' Professional, yes, but-

'''Alec:''' I mean, hand-written wouldn't get you a job, or anything.

[[Image:MoarCharacter.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
'''Chris:''' At least I have had all the practice of hand-writing, and that- there's more character, more personality put into it, in hand-writing versus what you would just see, everyday in a monosynchronic [''?''] sense.

'''Alec:''' Well, you know why you see it everyday, everywhere, Chris? You see it everywhere, because it works. Because that's what people prefer.

'''Chris:''' [Sigh]

'''Alec:''' I think we're getting kinda off-topic, I mean I just- I kinda wanna go back to, um, I understand it can be difficult to get to your computer and upload things, you know in a timely fashion, sometimes, you're not at your computer, things like that, but, I mean, Sonichu's your franchise, a lot of fans I know are getting kind of, y'know, fed up that you don't have pages uploaded everyday. I mean, Sonichu is your, that's your franchise, right? I just, I dunno, I mean, I got a lot of stuff going on in my day too, but I make sure to get at least one or two pages uploaded everyday. Which has been more difficult since my school term started, 'cause I'm in full time school, and, y'know, I work still, I'm still working at the station but... that's just a recommendation, but... again, I know it's difficult, but I recommend that you try. That's all I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I am drawing- I have been drawing the pages, and like I said, I cannot help it if I can't upload on some days, but at least I do upload them in the bulk on when I can upload.

'''Alec:''' You know, for a while, for a couple months, you were uploading most everyday weren't you? I mean, has something, has something, has your schedule gotten busier recently or something?

'''Chris:''' I've been [[Biological clock|falling asleep earlier]]. And with that, it's hard- and with that it's harder for me to readjust my schedule.

'''Alec:''' You know Chris, if I fell asleep on my job, I'd probably lose my job. I mean, Sonichu is supposed to be your big franchise, right? I mean... if fell asleep while drawing Asperchu and I started missing days, I would buy myself and alarm clock. Or I would upload them earlier, before I knew I was gonna get tired, or whatever.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It's just-

'''Chris:''' Anyway, anyway I haven't been able to get my schedule around and I just haven't been able to get it in sync yet.

'''Alec:''' What's uh... if I may ask, what's... has something been going on that's been throwing your schedule for a loop? I mean, you-you haven't made videos in the past couple of days but you know prior to that, you were making videos fairly frequently, mostly attacking me.

'''Chris:''' Originally did- originally when I did the videos it was not necessarily on a daily basis, that's not like, journal, a video is not like a journal to me.

'''Alec:''' Well but, you know, if you spend five, ten, fifteen minutes making a video, that's time you could be uploading a comic. But instead you make videos attacking me.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Pl-plus, the battery power on my digital camera is fickle.

'''Alec:''' What does your digital camera have to do with uploading pages? I'm saying you shouldn't be using the camera, you shouldn't be making videos. You know why I haven't made any videos, Chris? It's 'cause I don't have time, I'm uploading pages that and- that and I don't wanna-

=Part 4=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|8rWZhLwhLmc}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Alec:''' -make [[death threats]] to people on the [[Internet]], that's not a... I mean, you know- you know you really hurt my feelings when you started doing those Chris, because, like I said you started as my inspiration and a couple months later you became my [[troll]].

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I know you have trolls, you know, it sucks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It really sucks to have people attacking you like that, but you became my troll.

'''Chris:''' Alright well... you know, how 'bout you just tell Mao that I... if he just... I'll leave y'all alone, let y'all do your thang... y'all take your ads off my website.

'''Alec:''' That's just not a... that's not a sound business move for me, Chris. Those ads are bringing in a lot of viewers.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] So, put 'em on another website.

'''Alec:''' Well, what if that website tells me that, y'know, they don't want them there, then should I move to another website, and then another, and then another... Mao's job is to bring in fans for me, that's what he's doing and he's doing it well, and that's why I keep him-

'''Chris:''' Well, Mao- Mao never asked me before he could- before he put anything up there or before he paid off [[Jack Thaddeus]].

'''Alec:''' Well, he doesn't have to, that's the way ads work. You buy adspace that's publicly available. Advertising is not under your control.

'''Chris:''' Ye-yeah- But I was- but I was never there to witness that monetary transaction, I was never there for that quote-unquote "agreement."

'''Alec:''' You don't own [[CWCipedia|the site]], Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You don't own that site. Right? I mean, the money from the ads go to keep the site up, that's my understanding.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Actually, you're wrong, you see, Mao ga-put- gave that to €2,000 directly to Jack Thaddeus. actually put that €2,000 into the CWCipedia funds, so. therefore, Mao never saw his money in his money in the CWCipedia funds, they just went straight to Jack.

'''Alec:''' Um, I'm not really sure. I've never spoken to Jack, I don't know anything about what he and Mao talked about, y'know I'd kinda like to help you out, honestly I would, but I'm still a little... I'm a little miffed that um... even after we had a pretty good talk last time, but you still kept going with this whole "[[Mitch]]" business. I mean, you took my character, and altered him. You say, you say that I didn't get permission to use Sonichu, but you didn't get permission to use Asperchu either.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Alec:''' Or [[Simonchu]]! I-I-I almost forgot to mention that, Evan wanted me to talk to you about that, about using Simonchu. Y'know, Simonchu was his creation and you used that without permission. And he asked you several times, not- to get rid of Simonchu and [[Simonla]], or whatever her female form is. But-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, [[Lie|Simonla was never very inspired by Simonchu...]] I took an original [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], I changed her to a ground color, gave her the complexion, added an armadillo shell, and then a few drills in appropriate faces- places.

'''Alec:''' So kind of how I took a [[Sonic]], and make him yellow, and gave him a goatee and glasses, and a Buddha belly, and thus was born Asperchu. And, it was- you thought it was a parody, but it just happened to be... that kinda what you're going with, for there? I mean, why didn't you just say that to Evan in the first place, 'cause he has been e-mailing you for a long time.

'''Chris:''' I-I told him- I responded- I told him that in response- in response to why those messages in the mailbag, but apparently, he had not read that.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uhm... let's see, I'm looking at the Simonla at your CWCipedia here, um, you say that... I'll just read what it says here: About on or before August 26, [[2008]], I received an e-mail from Evan George, uhh... submitting his Sonichu Fan Art to me, then later submitted his idea for Simonchu, it did not strike as good at first but for a few months, I wanted to create a ground type, um... so from Simonchu, I created Simonla Rosechu.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu&oldid=5231]</ref> That's on the Simonla article for your CWCipedia. I mean that's, smoking gun, Chris, that's proof, that you used Simonchu as a base.

'''Chris:''' [''groans'']

'''Alec:''' I'm... y'know I'm not trying to attack you with this but I really think this is evidence, that you should get rid of Simonchu and Simonla, write 'em out. 'Cause the facts are right there Chris.

'''Chris:''' Well, actually it was not like that, I typed it in because Evan was badgering me as such, and it just stuck in my head, and pretty much stuck... when I typed it in originally.

'''Alec:''' Why would that just stick in your head, why would that happen? Why would it stick in your head, unless it's true?

'''Chris:''' [''trying to think of an excuse''] I put it in there to make a [[parody|mockery]] out of him!

'''Alec:''' Well, then you kind of... kind of lied about it to people, didn't you? I mean, 'cause everyone else thinks that's the [[Honest Content|honest truth]].

'''Chris:''' Well, I can stick- well I can change that and fix it.

'''Alec:''' Doesn't matter, you already established it. I mean, when it comes to, like, [[copyright]], and that sort of thing, Chris, I mean, the one thing that matters more that anything else is documentation, and history. And all of your documentation shows that you used Simonchu as inspiration. You acknowledge legal liability here. Whether it was a joke or not, you wrote it like it was real. And Evan's been pester-

'''Chris:''' [''big sigh'']

'''Alec:''' ...ing me to talk to you, 'cause apparently you're ignoring his e-mails... although you ignore my e-mails too. I mean, like I said, it was a pain just to get a hold of you. I mean, for a guy who has so much to say to me, you are hard to get a hold of.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, you, you, I'm just I wanna let you know, that you do need to comply with Evan's demands, 'cause he's talking about litigation, and that if he wants to go get a lawyer over this. He said that he'd, that he'd back off if you acknowledge, in the comic and write Simonchu and Simonla out, and y'know, say that they will be done and gone forever. He has the copyright for Simonchu. I mean, would you be willing to do that? Write 'em out?

'''Chris:''' I'll con- I'll think about it.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well don't think too long. I mean, this is a serious issue.

'''Chris:''' [Sigh]

'''Alec:''' I'm just- I'm just trying to give you advice, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Alec:''' I don't wanna see litigation come out of this.

'''Chris:''' Hmm... anyway I'm feeling tired right now.

'''Alec:''' Okay well, maybe I'll let you go, um... you have a good night, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Alright, goodnight.

'''Alec:''' Goodnight.

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|Chris and Alec Call 1]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Chris and Alec Call 3]]|}}

=Sources=
<references/>

=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?57fb2b3pkmd8xmw Audio download]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGB99JTZJes The Call on YouTube]
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1

2013-12-23T22:25:32Z

Duncans Construction:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1''' is the first call between [[Chris]] and [[Asperchu|Alec]], which took place on 22 [[January 2010]].

==Summary==

Chris and Alec discuss the size and location of [[Asperpedia]] advertisements on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris tries to dictate the content of Alec's ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by telling him to tone down the amount of violence in the series. He also goes on to tell Alec to rename Asperchu's versions of the [[Chaotic Combo]] characters to the names created in [[Wikipedia:Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Alec questions how Chris can hold a [[copyright]] on [[Sonichu]] when Sonichu is in fact a [[Pokémon]], a derivative of another creator's copyrighted work, after which Chris jumps to change the subject to avoid admitting that Alec has a point. (Chris similarly avoids or ignores the obvious truth about his "original" characters in other conversations with Alec.) Alec also confronts Chris's ill-will towards Asperchu and Alec himself by bringing up the pages of ''Sonichu'' #10 where Chris drew his super-form breaking into Alec's house and destroying his website and computer. Chris retaliates by saying that Alec's killing of Chris's fictional characters in ''Asperchu'' justifies his fantasies of committing destruction of property and theft. Chris becomes increasingly [[stress]]ed out as the call goes on and eventually hangs up on Alec, claiming that his phone's battery is running low.
{{clear}}

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Evo0VcCfS1M}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = n/a
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

===Transcript ===

'''Alec''': Hi, is this... is this, uh, Christian Weston Chandler?

'''Chris''': Yeah, this is Christian, may I help you?

'''Alec''': Hi Chris, um... this is Alec Benson Leary. Is it- Is it okay if we talk?

'''Chris''': Oh yes. Uh... Sure. Yes. So uh...

'''Alec''': Okay. Good. Well, uh, there's a couple of things I wanted to talk about tonight. Um, first of all, uh... Well I understand you've got... you've got a problem with the ads that are on [[CWCipedia]]? Can you... Can you tell me a little bit more about um... I kinda want to have, you know, get a compromise and settle this 'cause... 'cause I don't... I don't want anybody to be angry.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, um... yeah. I'll let you have your ads on the CWCipedia but don't make them too big, and uh, leave 'em in the side bar.

'''Alec''': Okay... um...

'''Chris''': [''Interrupts''] I don't want- I don't want- I do not want them in- I do not want them c... c... covering over... the introductory box or any- or anything else where I have to scroll down even to edit the pages. Or even to log in.

'''Alec''': Okay, um. Well I understand-

'''Chris''': So- so Okay cool. Just keep your ads on the sidebar.

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah, my friend [[Asperchu|Mao]], he um, he actually makes the ads for me. I- I didn't make them myself but I can try to talk to him about that. Um, about the size.

'''Chris''': Okay. Alright.

'''Alec''': As for like, where on the CWCipedia they are, I don't know if Mao controls that or not, I don't think he does. I think... I'm not sure what controls like where the adspace goes, you know on the website itself. I mean, I'll talk to Mao about it but I'm not sure if he controls that either.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': Yeah like, I can talk to him, so. But you might want to talk to your web manager or whatever, 'cause they set up the way the adspace goes, you know?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and also, just uh, just one more concern of mine upon- uh, yeah, I've uh, read your pages on the ''Asperchu'' comic. But the-and the recent pages, what do you think you're doing- what do you think you- what do you think you're parodying, ''[[Wikipedia:Happy Tree Friends|Happy Tree Friends]]''?

'''Alec''': Um... W... What's ''Happy Tree Friends''? What's that?

'''Chris''': [''Sighs''] It's supposed to be like a happy [[Honest Content|TV-Y]] show, but it's actually- it's actually adult and dark humor because they go into cut-slashing all the cute characters up and uh, it's- well all the blood and gore and everything, and yet they make them come- th- they make them come back to life unharmed the very next episode, just to slice and duh- slice and dice 'em up again.

'''Alec''': Oh. Um, I've actually never heard of that series. Is that- What is, is that on [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] or...

'''Chris''': [''Talking over Alec''] ye- yeah... no you can look it up on [[Netflix]].

'''Alec''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah that's a good place. But anyway, yeah, blood and gore. Yeah, that's not a good way to go, especially when you killed, even con- even considerable facsimiles of my own characters in that sense, and in that detail.

'''Alec''': Well you know, um, I actually- I got a lot of uh, actually positive response from my fans when I did that, um... Because you know, some of my fans-- [''trails off as Chris interrupts'']

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, that's another thing. Yeah that's another thing. Encourage [[Fanbase|the fans that were originally my fans]] to come back to me. I would appreciate that.

'''Alec''': Uh, Well I, I mean, y-you know I tell my fans all about you all the time, Chris, because, you know, like I've told you in a lot of the letters I've written to you you were a big in- inspiration to me. You know, I don't really know what to say to my fans as far as that goes, I mean... They uh, they love my comic. I get a lot, I get a lot of fanmail about it, I mean...

'''Chris''': Yeah, okay. Um, okay how about this, uh, just to make it equal, um, put an advertisement for the CWCipedia on uh- on the Asperpedia. About as much as the Asperpedia ads are on my CWCipedia.

'''Alec''': Um, well, uh, yeah, we might be able to work something out, you know. [''Chris continues to try and interrupt Alec.''] You'd probably want to contact Mao, 'cause he's my manager. He does all the, y'know, the grunt work on Asperpedia. Um, I-I'm not even sure, like what, like how selling the adspace works, but I'm sure he'd be willing to sell you some adspace on Asperpedia. We could definitely try to work something like that out.

'''Chris''': [''small sigh, in a whispered tone''] ''Yeah, so basically...'' Alright well- alright well, h- Mao and I can talk through e-mail.

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah. Yeah 'cause, you can- I mean, like I said I don't know the details but I know adspace is up for purchase, so...

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright. Alright, well then, we got it settled on- at least on, your ads on my CWCipedia. And, uh, yeah, ease up on the- not so much blood and gore. And, uh, try to bring my fans- let my- take m- direct my- redirect my fans back to me.

'''Alec''': Um... well, uh, y-you know, uh... I-I'm trying to think of- of a good way to say this, but you know, i- i- we are- we are in kind of a, like a- a friendly competition if you will. I mean, we're, y'know, we're- we're both [[Chris and Art|artists]], kind of, y'- i- I mean, I don- I don't really- I-I mean, it doesn't really make sense for an artist to say to his fans, "Hey, hey guys, don't, uh, follow me anymore, go back to, y'know, this other artist." I mean, I mean, wo- would you do that to- for your fans? Would you say, "Hey, hey fans, go- go talk to Alec," or "go watch Alec's cartoon," or anyone else's cartoon, really. I mean, no, you want- you want the fans to follow you, right?

'''Chris''': Um. Okay, um. Okay, yeah, I can understand that. Um, okay, um.

'''Alec''': Yeah, Mm-hmm.

'''Chris''': Well since, well since you and I are on- are on okay agreeing mutua- ah- uh- okay talking tones right now.

'''Alec''': Mmm-hmm?

'''Chris''': How about I, uh, how about I just, uh, re- how 'bout I just, uh, remove all the bad talk I have- I have against you, and then start- and then start saying that, I- that you're- that you're ''okayyy'', that your- your- your s- your- your co- your, uh, comics are okay, that- and uh, you know, you- ah- y'know, but still saying like, you know, I would appreciate it if you would stay being my fans, but, y'know, if you want to go look at, uh, your w- go look at his work and- that's fine I can't stop you there, but you know, [''Alec tries to interject.''] [''stuttering''] I think you asked me long ti-

'''Alec''': Well actually, I'm glad that you're- I'm glad that you're bringing this up 'cause, um, uh, y- I do say we're on friendly terms right now and I'd like to keep it that way because, your- you know, I- I- I got my start because of you, um, but to be- to be honest, I want to be honest and frank, y-uh, with you.

'''Chris''': Mm. Mm.

'''Alec''': Um, you made a couple of videos. And I don't- I don't watch all your videos but I-I do try to keep up, I mean I spent a lot of time drawing the comics, so I don't have a lot of time to, y'know, watch videos anymore but um, I saw a couple of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|videos]] where you, uh, you actually threatened me with uh, y'know, physical puni...

'''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Umm, yeah. Okay well...

'''Alec''': [''Trying to talk''] And that didn't make me feel--

'''Chris''': [''Talking over Alec''] I was uh, I was, well I was more angry back then because it was an immediate, uh, response, but now things have settled down and we're talking okay. I can- I'll make- I can make a new video jus' saying like, you know, I apologize for those threats, and uh, that things are okay here.

'''Alec''': Okay and, and about you um- also the video where you, uh... you wanted [[Patti Chandler|your- your dog]] to eat me, or something like that, you- you- your dog to eat my soul, I mean that- I- I- Like, the [[death threats]] were kind of scary to begin with, but that, that was just disturbing, Chris, I- [''trails off'']

'''Chris''': Mm, yeah, okay, okay yeah, well I'll- okay, well I- I'll take- I'll take that back as well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec''': Okay, and, and um, that- that kind of leads me into another point, um you, you're under the impression that, um... that I was, that I was besmirching your dog in my comic, and I'm not really sure what you mean by that. ['''Chris''' ''interrupts: Well, you're j- I- It's just tha-''] Could you explain to me?

'''Chris''': Okay well, the villain, the dog- the dog in your comic, i- it looks simila- it looks similar to my dog, especially around the green neckerchief and, uh, other parts that are green on that dog. ['''Alec''': ''Well, I mean, y'know, Chris, that's just...''] And the, and the shape of the dog, just looked like my dog.

'''Alec''': Well it's just a-a lot of dogs look like that, Chris, I mean a lot of... it- i- i- it's just a neckerchief, I mean, y'know, it's just a little flair for the dog. That doesn't mean it's your dog. I- Y'know...

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I think- I think honestly you make that, uh, assumption with a lot of my characters, 'cause it seems like you think that, um, a lot of my characters were you know, like ripping off your characters, or- or even you yourself, because you said that Asperchu was...

'''Chris''': Yeah- Yeah, Buddha- Yeah, [[Obesity|Buddha belly]] and the [[Muscle bra|manboobs]] and the [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]...

'''Alec''': Well I mean, Chris, y- y'know, Asperchu is not a--

'''Chris''': Oh, and the [[Love quest|sweetheart search]] thing and the [[Crystal Weston Chandler|future daughter]].

'''Alec''': Well I mean, c- Asperchu's not a [[parody]], Chris, I mean he's an original creation, like...

'''Chris''': Okay... Uhhkay.

'''Alec''': You know just because he has, y'know, the glasses, and the Buddha belly, and the- and- and the manboobs, and... and the goatee, you know, that doesn't make him a parody of you. I mean, that's... And y- and besides you said you had the past Budd-

==Part 2==

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ysPFqIRSqtY}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Alec''': -I mean, how could it be a parody of you if, if your belly is in the past, and Asperchu has it currently?

'''Chris''': If I-if I, you, you mean if I, yeah, [[Lie|currently do not have the Buddha belly]].

'''Alec''': Well, e- e- exactly, so Asperchu can't be a parody of you, right?

'''Chris''': Okay. Well...

'''Alec''': I mean, doesn't that- that makes sense to me, does it... doesn't that make sense to you?

'''Chris''': Okay, I s- yeah, that's fine. Umm...

'''Alec''': I mean, it's just a little- it seems- it seems a little [[naïve]] to- to think that, y'know, Asperchu and- and e- everything are parodies of your char- I mean- I mean, I do include some of your characters in the comic, and those- those- yeah. But my original characters are purely original. Asperchu... nothing about Asperchu is a parody. [''Chris tries to interrupt, but Alec continues''] And actually- actually, I'd kinda... I'd kinda like you to, uh... when you issue your retraction video to, to um, y'know, to let everyone know that Asperchu is original and is not a parody in any way. Or- Or if there- there- y'know, I- and- oh, and, and you did mention that I don't have a disclaimer on my comics, but uh, that made me think I should create a disclaimer and so I did, um, so- so if there are- are any elements that look parodic, that, y'know, I'm covered.

'''Chris''': Yeah, okay, yeah. And also, yeah, guh- you definitely do reference, uh, my [[Sonichu]] and my [[CWCville]] and especially the [[Chaotic Combo]] recently.

'''Alec''': Well as you said those weren't yours, though. You said those were copies. You said those were just, you know, copies of...

'''Chris''': Yeah- yeah- your- yeah- your versions just, uh- are just, facsim- are just recreational recreations- recreated facsimilies. [''Chris and Alec talk over each other.''] Um, okay so let's agree to that...

'''Alec''': [''Trying to speak''] Can I ask-can I ask you, uh, something then, about the Chaotic Combo and Sonichu? If those were just facsimiles, those weren't really yours...

'''Chris''': No they were- no, they were all- actually they were all mine. ['''Alec''': ''Okay, so they- so then--''] They were all- they were originally mine.

'''Alec''': But, the ones that I drew, are those facsimiles or are those not? You're confusing me.

'''Chris''': Uhh...okay well...

'''Alec''': Because you, in your, uhh... in your comic, you came and you took them away, in yo- in your recent pages of your comic. I mean you said in- you said in- in the comics that those were mine, but, you know, so they must be original, right? [''Chris tries to interrupt, but Alec continues''] You said in the comic they weren't the Chaotic Combo, so they must be original. But then you came and took them. I-I don't get- and you renamed them and re- restyled them.

'''Chris''': [''finally manages to break in''] Listen, listen, okay. The Chaotic Combo, in my comics, before- be- beh- appeared before book number 10, and [''stuttering''] originated in CWCville, Virginia, not in Minnesota, those are originally mine. But the ones that you re-drew and, uh, gay- and then, uh, made them different from what the- from how they originally were, in my comics, then that's definitely, totally- nnyeah, that- fax- dax- facsimilies. Carbon copies...

'''Alec''': Mine? Then, why did you take them?

'''Chris''': Okay, well I mean-okay number one-

'''Alec''': And not just the Combo, you tried to retake my Asperchu. And Asperchu wasn't, you know, a copy of anything. You- you renamed him [[Mitch Sonichu]]. I mean, Asperchu's mine. You- I don't really appreciate that.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, you accuse me of thievery, but then you go and take- and try to take my Asperchu.

'''Chris''': Okay well you did- Okay well no- you did take my [[Sonichu]], and, uh, make him claim to be the original one, and you did claim orig- you did m- you did make it obvious in your comics where he was the h- where he was the original one, from the city of [[CWCville]], and even worse you made him brother to Asperchu, and uh, with the homosexual tendencies and whatnot, even when you redrew- even when you drew the, uh... when you drew the Chaotic Combo hedgehogs, you made [[Wild]] a [[Homos|homosexual]] even when he is not.

'''Alec''': Well, but Wild's- that Wild's not your's. What does it matter if- if my Wild's gay? I mean, I felt it was- felt it was depth to the character, I was just trying to give them a little personality. An- An- And the homosexual references, okay this is something that came up before...

'''Chris''': Okay well listen, okay well aside from the [''unintelligible''] Sonichu-

'''Alec''': Asperchu has a girlfriend, Dixie Chu.

'''Chris''': [''pause''] Um... No, actually, I read further in [[Asperchu (comic)|the book]] and Dixie Chu dumped his ass.

'''Alec''': Eh- Well... C'mon, she doesn't- she doesn't- she doesn't- no, she doesn't mean that, she doesn't mean that. They're, they're destined to be together, Chris, I mean, you c- can't you see those undertones? I mean that's- that's where this whole comic is going. And besides, he's shown he's straight, I mean even if a girl does dump him, what does it matter? He... He went after a girl. He didn't go after a boy. Like you said, Sonichu is his brother, I mean, why would he... you know, even if he was gay why would he go for his brother? That's just- that's just sick. I mean, why would you think that?

'''Chris''': [''Sigh''] Yeah, anyway, oka- okay, well, i- in your comi- listen, how about this, in your comics, when you, uh, in the future, or in re-or in re-referencing the past pages, the, uh, Sonichu that is Asperchu's brother, you just refer to him as "Michael," and the Wild you'd refer to him as "Bobby", and the [[Angelica]], "Trisha," et cetera, just like I said in my pages. And "Mitch" can be Asperchu's nickname.

'''Alec''': But, Chris, those aren't really their characters' names. I mean, Bobby and- and Mitch and- and- and... I- I forget the other names, I- I- I think you renamed [[Bubbles]] "Kitty," something like that. I mean those aren't, those aren't their- their names. They have the same names as your Chaotic Combo.

'''Chris''': Okay but, okay but you see, when I gave the, c- the, uh, Chaotic chara- Chaotic Combo characters those names, originally, in my books, those would be their nick- those would be their nicknames, just, I mean- they're all Sonichus and Rosechus indivi- individually, but they're just of different types, like uh, you w- like, uh, without the nickname, Wild, he would be Grass Sonichu, Bubbles would be Water Rosechu, Flying Rosechu, [[Punchy|Fighting Sonichu]], [[Magi-chan|Psychic Sonichu]], et cetera...

'''Alec''': Okay, I- I understand what you're sayi- well see, there's- there's one of the- there's one of the differences, though, because in my comic, those are really their names. I mean, you know, Angelica, Punchy, Bubbles, Magi-chan...

'''Chris''': No no, you see- no, you see, in MY- y- y- y'see, in- but- the- but those are actually their names in MY book. In my book.

'''Alec''': Their nicknames, you said. In my comic they're their actual names. That's the difference.

'''Chris''': No, I'm- I'm talking in reference to the Pokémon game, you know, if you wanted to na- if you wanted to give- if you wanted to name your Bulbasaur, they call it giving it a nickname, but really it's just giving them their NAME. So, therefore, the grass Sonichu in my book is Wild, the water Rosechu in my books are Bubbles, et cetera, et cetera, so-

'''Alec''': Y- You know, Chris-

'''Chris''': I- It- It wou- It would work better if you just take the nickna- the uh, names I suggested for your var- for your variations of those characters and just reference to them as such.

'''Alec''': Chris, um, my characters aren't Pokémon, though. I don't draw Pokémon. That's not how it works in my comic.

'''Chris''': Y-yeah you have been drawing Pokémon, Sonichu is an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

'''Alec''': I- I thought he was a- a Sonichu, I mean... I thought that- I thought that was, like, a species...

'''Chris''': Sonichu is an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. If you read back in bo- in my [[Sonichu 0|Book Number Zero]], I re- I make it perfectly clear that Sonichu and Rosechu are Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

'''Alec''': Um, oh, okay. Um, well, I think the point of confusion there is, um, where their- like, I've never seen any Poké Balls in your comic, or- or trainers, or any of those other Pokémon elements, you know? Like, shouldn't they live in Poké Balls?

'''Chris''': Yes, there's a Poké Ball that specially catches Sonichus and Rosechus called the [[S-Chu Ball]], and there is- there is a reference to that within the books. The crystals were the [[Sonichu Ball]] crystals, before I decided to rename them Chaotic Crystals, and we do have a train- we have two trainers. [[Naitsirhc]] was a Pokémon trainer, he had a [[Zapdos]], he had a red [[Gyarados]], he had a [[Mewtwo]]...

'''Alec''': Okay, but Chris, those are- those are like Zapdos, and Mewtwo, and Gyarados, I mean does anyone-Sonichu lives in a house, doesn't he, I mean he lives like a- like a person-

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, okay well you see, he was originally a wild Pokémon in the original Sonichu, but the original Rosechu was originally a [[Raichu]] that was caught and trained by the Pokémon trainer [[Kel|Kellie, Kel for short]].

'''Alec''': But, they live on their own now. I mean when they became Sonichu and Rosechu, they're- they're people, right? I mean they live like people, they have jobs like people. Sonichu has a job, doesn't he? I mean, what does he do?

'''Chris''': Yeah well you see, yeah, well, see- yeah, well, in that case, Kel wanted- Kel wanted to move on with her Pokémon trainer career, but Rosechu and Sonichu wanted to live happy, individual lives togedder, s-

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1 Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|EWG-ddYef7c}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Chris''': -so upon realizing that, Kel just let them go, just like [[Wikipedia:Ash Ketchum|Ash]] released his Butterfree so he can go mate with the pink Butterfree.<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/EP021]</ref>

'''Alec''': Oh. Well I uh, I actually didn't know any of that. But I di-I digress, um, the point is-the point is that Asperchu and my version of the Chaotic Combo, all those characters, those are not Pokémon in my comics, I mean, Pokémon don't exist in the world of Asperchu. Because, you see, like Asperchu, he lives in his grandparent's house, he is a person.

'''Chris''': Hm. Yeah, okay well my-

'''Alec''': [''overlapping''] My Sonichu is a person, my Chaotic Combo are people...

'''Chris''': Okay well, okay, alright, but that still makes it sound like my characters when you talk about THE Sonichu from CWCville...

'''Alec''': They're not your characters, we've established that. They're not yours, I mean, they're my characters. [''Trying to talk over Chris''] Original. My comic is not a parody.

'''Chris''': Okay, Sonichu and Rosechu, I actually have paper-registered copyrights on those so I COULD sue you, but I'm trying to resolve this peacefully.

'''Alec''': You have-okay, so you have the copyright-

'''Chris''': Yeah, look under the copyright section of the-on the CWCipedia. It actually has the scan of the paper from the Virginia Library of Congress as well as the envelope it came in.

'''Alec''': You have a copyright of Sonichu.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Alec''': But you said Sonichu's a Pokémon, right, I mean I'm pretty sure Nintendo has the copyright claim to Pokémon.

'''Chris''': Still, it's Sonichu.

'''Alec''': I mean, I might just wanna contact Nintendo just to make sure everything's okay, to make sure I'm not stepping on their toes.

'''Chris''': They have been contacted before, and everything's okay, you don't need to do that.

'''Alec''': But, I mean, well then, how can you hold the copyright to a Pokémon-

'''Chris''': The Virginia Library of Congress has allowed me-

'''Alec''': Well, the Virginia Library of Congress, you know, can't tell Nintendo what to do, they can't tell Nintendo to just hand over copyrights to their creations, to just anybody. I mean, you know, Nintendo could take the Virginia Library of Congress to court and say, hey wait a minute, you know, you issued this copyright illegally.

'''Chris''': [''Massive Stress Sigh'']

'''Alec''': It's just the Library of Congress.

'''Chris''': [''mumbling unintelligibly''] Okay look, let's just agree to uh, this is-what we're talking about right now just seems pointless to what we were originally talking about. Let's just agree that,uh-

'''Alec''': I don't think it's pointless, I mean I'm just trying to establish the... I mean you said you could sue me, I don't want to, you know, just let that go, I mean I don't want to get sued, nobody wants to get sued. I just don't understand how you could sue me-that's what I'm confused on, I mean, you're confusing me, Chris. I mean, call me naïve, but this is-I just don't get exactly what you're getting at.

'''Chris''': Okay well-okay yeah, I'm trying to prevent from having to go into the legal issues as well, so-

'''Alec''': Well I appreciate that, but I just don't understand how you have a legal ground to sue me, I mean, because Pokémon-

'''Chris''': -because I-because I do hold the copyright to Sonichu.

'''Alec''': But Sonichu's a Pokémon.

'''Chris''': [''flustered''] Look, let's just rewind, can we-can we-let's just rewind and go back to what we agreed on before, you know re-uh-readjusting the advertisement signs and uh, giving me, a possible CWCipedia ad on the Asperpedia, and, we just-let the Sonichu in your book be known as-be known as Michael Sonichu, as well as the other Sonichus and Rosechus of the Chaotic Combo, of my Chaotic Combo, let's just rename them the names I suggested in my book-

'''Alec''': Umm.

'''Chris''': In your book.

'''Alec''': Alright, like I said I'll talk to Mao about the ads; as far as the renaming goes, if you're-I guess you can make up some characters, Mike Sonichu, Mitch Sonichu and whatever, that's your comic book, if you want to create those characters that's fine. I mean, like I said I'm not going to rename my characters.

'''Chris''': [''Sigh'']

'''Alec''': And-and you know now that you bring this back to the table, another thing that kind of vexed me in your comic was that you as a, you as uh, [[Collosal Chan]]-was it Collosal Chan or Collosal Chu? I don't recall-

'''Chris''': It is Collosal-it is Collosal Chris-chan, that'd be me in my super form after releasing the seven Chaotic Crystals, or the "Sonichu Ball Crystals" as they are also known as.

'''Alec''': Okay. So Collosal Chris-chan and uh, Sonichu, and he was in his [[Ultra Sonichu|ultra form]], I think-you two came to, well first of all you saw the drawing of Asperchu's house and you mistook that as my house. Just to clarify, that's not my house, [[14 Branchland Court|I made up that house, that-that came out of nowhere, I just decided hey, you know, a big dull-looking happy house]], that'd be funny as Asperchu's home, but, but anyway, you thought it was my house and you came to what you thought was my house and you broke into my house and after breaking and entering-which is a crime, by the way-you proceeded to hack into my computer, and I think you deleted the entire Asperpedia website, and then you deleted all my files of Asperchu comics and everything else, and then I think you stole some [[Dating education|dating program]] or something that you thought was on my-I, I mean this is a multitude of crimes, Chris, that was criminal intent. I mean, why did you do that, you know, those are illegal acts.

'''Chris''': [''sigh'']

'''Alec''': You know, I mean, that's not a nice thing to do.

'''Chris''': [''defensively''] Yeah, well it wasn't very nice taking the Sonichu that was originally from CWCville, and then claiming him to be Asperchu's brother. [''burps''] Excuse me.

'''Alec''': Chris, I didn't show Asperchu breaking into Sonichu's house and destroying valuable documents on his computer. I mean this comic is going to be my lifeblood, this is my franchise, this is my multimedia empire I'm trying to build here, and you just destroyed it on a whim. I mean, why did you do that? I-I just don't get that. Asperchu ne-Asperchu has been nice to Sonichu since they've met, they've been friends and they've treated each other like brothers, and they fought battles side by side. I mean haven't you ever had a website hacked before? I have, it sucks, you know, do you know what it feels like to have your videos and computer hacked?

'''Chris''': I-I have, truly I have, and it was not very nice; I had the original Sonichu site, which was [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] simply, originally on the Tripod web server, hacked into by one [[Clyde Cash]].

'''Alec''': Well then you know how much it sucks, why would you do it to another person? I mean it's one thing if it never happened to you, if it never happened to you it's still bad but you can claim ignorance, but, but you-it happened to you, and then you turned around and did it to me. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|why the double standard, Chris]], why is it okay to hack into my computer and destroy my files?

'''Chris''': [''Groans, then sighs''] Okay I'm gonna go ahead and- cause you gave me permission to call you, and I'm going to call you, naï- [''static cuts off Chris before he completes the word 'naïve' '']

'''Alec''': Chris, you're cutting off.

'''Chris''': Because I have-I have tried to explain to you as clearly as possible, in my own best words I could come up with, that I'm getting tired of this long, drawn-out conversation, that obviously you're just too naïve to understand! Think about it! Think long and hard-read all my comic pages, from [[Sonichu 0|book number zero]] to the last-to the current page-

'''Alec''': ...help me understand why you threatened me in videos and-and drew yourself breaking into my house and committing multiple felonies. That's what I'm asking an explanation for, I mean the ads, and the naming issue, we settled that, this is a new issue and I'm trying to talk it out with you.

'''Chris''': Okay, yeah okay, well you referenced the Sonichu in your book to be the one from CWCville, and then making him, without my permission, Asperchu's brother. And then without my permission, you took the-

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|p3Hh3CC7vMc}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Chris''': -you recreated the Chaotic Combo, and then reformatted their personalities in more ways than one, without my permission! And then you go kill-and then you go kill off with blood and gore detail, and then your recreation of Angelica-the flyer, the grass, and the fighter, who are also known as Angelica, Wild, and Punchy! How do you think I feel about that, how would you like it if I went into blood and gory detail of slicing and dicing Jonas Chu, that green one, [''Alec tries to interrupt''] Jivin, and Max? I'm sorry, what?

'''Alec''': Oh, I just said the green one is, is Peter Chu. Um, okay, I understand why you're angry, but didn't we already establish that the characters I drew are not related to your Chaotic Combo? I mean, in your [[mailbag]], I've seen a lot of people have written to you about the Chaotic Combo, and, you know, other Asperchu similarities and things like that, and your response, almost always, is Alec Benson Leary and Asperchu have no relation to you whatsoever-

'''Chris''': [''sigh''] In reference to the business, as in like, you know, I actually never originally gave you or Mao permission to put the ads on the CWCipedia in the first place, especially in such large proportions where I had to scroll down to even edit the page or even to log in. But I never even gave you permission to put the ads in the introductory box, which is [[Chris and the law|a felony]] that [[Jack Thaddeus]] has violated before-

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah that Jack guy, that's the name of the guy I know that Mao bought the adspace from. He told me. But um, as I understand the way the ads work is you know, if a website hosts, you know, public adspace that can be purchased for advertising, anybody can buy the rights to advertise.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I get that.

'''Alec''': Yeah, so I mean, how is that illegal that I purchased the adspace? And you said it was illegal, you said it was wrongful a number of times, I know you've used that word-

'''Chris''': Yeah. Because I was not in the loop about this...

'''Alec''': Well, that's between you and your web manager. You should be in the loop about it, I agree about that, you should be in the loop about it. But I can't be held responsible if you didn't get that information from your webmaster.

'''Chris''': [''Sigh''] Alright, well listen, the battery power on my phone is running low, perhaps we could talk again another time. You take care-you take care, stay safe, bye now.

'''Alec''': I'd like to talk-[''cuts off'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|First]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|Chris and Alec Call 2]]|}}
== Sources ==
<references/>
=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?7mwd23w3a7wdcv7 Audio download]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNQNdjFES7o The call on YouTube]
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2013-12-23T22:15:55Z

Duncans Construction: /* Prank Call Collection */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|FY5YYvlIKxk}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 1 Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
}}

<center>
'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|HubjBPUs2bY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 2 Transcript|content=
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|GMb4aeio7lY?t=1m32}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|bx1p7BsuVoU}}
</center>

{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|vKgp5LaDsAY}}
</center>

{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|fIoS-gPOA0k}}
</center>

{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2013-12-23T22:14:35Z

Duncans Construction: /* Prank Call Collection */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|FY5YYvlIKxk}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 1 Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
}}

'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|HubjBPUs2bY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 2 Transcript|content=
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2013-12-23T21:49:05Z

Duncans Construction: /* Chris Calls Bob */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2013-12-23T21:46:26Z

Duncans Construction: /* Bob Calls Himself */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Fq85iYxv4OA}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2013-12-23T21:44:38Z

Duncans Construction: /* 'Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
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''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]