CWCki - User contributions [en]

Sonichu's News Dash

2014-07-27T03:23:35Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* The News Dash! Incident, in Chris's own words */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|thumb|300px|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]]]]

{{quote|Well, it’s the end of another month, and I still don’t have a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. Maybe my latest idea, the [[Sonichu]]’s News Dash! newsletter, will make the ladies take notice of me.|Chris, believing your own newsletter will attract women, 31 January 2004}}

'''''Sonichu's News Dash!''''' was a newsletter distributed by Chris from [[2004]]-[[2005|05]]. In the finest tradition of fringe kooks, conspiracy theorists, survivalist tree-dwellers and religious oddballs the world over, [[Chris]] once decided that printing up a newsletter would be the best way to attract [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free girls]]. ''Sonichu's News Dash!'' often contained poetry, [[Dating education|dating advice]] (oh, the irony), and details on Chris's life and personal interests. It would always end with his description of his requirements for a [[sweetheart]], similar to what was printed on his [[Attraction Sign]].

Chris was scolded by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for passing out physical copies around the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] campus, which led him to bear a grudge against her for years afterward.

==The ''News Dash!'' Incident, in Chris's own words==
{{quote|Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM [[Chris and anger|VERY ANGRY]] AT THAT XXXXX! In response, Iplan to incite the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|masses]], and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on [[Love Quest|getting a girlfriend]] can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!|Chris, greatly overestimating his own power<ref>[[Other]]</ref>}}

==Highlights from the newsletter==
The ''News Dash!'' is a valuable source of information from the pre-trolling days, back when Chris was still stalking women in public places. Here are some tidbits from the ''News Dash!'':

===[[Sweetheart]] qualifications===
As the newsletter was primarily a platform to promote himself to women, every issue ended with this description of his ideal sweetheart:

=====Issues 1 & 2 =====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 21 (22 as of [[2004#February|February 24, 2004]]) and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:

*18-21 years of age (18-22 as of February 24, 2004). *[[Boyfriend-free girl|Does not already have a boyfriend]]. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *[[Obesity|Average or Slender body type]]. *Does NOT [[tobacky|smoke]] and/or drink [[alcohol]]. *5’ or taller. *Lives in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] or [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] area. *[[Chris and race|White]]. *[[Chris and money|Average to High income]]. *Drives a [[Son-Chu|vehicle]]. *Happy, [[Death threats|Positive Personality]]. *A [[Mom|Caring girl]].

*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No [[E-Mails]] or [[Prank calls|Phone Calls]]). So if you are interested, he can be found around [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], or [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; [[autism|he will not be able to notice]]. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu Medallion]].}}

====Issue 3 & 4====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 22 and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:
*18-22 years of age. *Does not already have a boyfriend. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *[[Obesity|Average or Slender body type]]. *Does NOT [[tobacky|smoke]] and/or drink [[alcohol]]. *5’ or taller. *Lives in [[Charlottesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area. *[[Chris and race|White]]. *[[Chris and money|Average to High income]]. *Drives [[Son-Chu|a vehicle]]. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl.
*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], or [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion. }}

====Issue 5-10====
''Same as Issues 3 and 4, but with a link to his [[Match.com]] profile.''

===On the hiatus of the ''News Dash!''===
{{quotebox|We here at Sonichu’s News Dash apologize for not writing up issues during the summer months, but the head chief of staff, Christian Weston Chandler, was in a Very Lonesome slump. And he was recently Soul and [[Heart level|Heart-Shattered]] by a bunch of [[Jerk Cops]] at the Fashion Square shopping center, and by the female dog, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], at Piedmont Virginia Community College. These people did not agree with his sound methods of attracting an 18-(his current age) Boyfriend-Free woman. But after a stroll through the lovely and serene campus at the [[University of Virginia]], he regained some peace within himself. And so, while he is still journeying through his [[Love Quest]], the News Dash will run Bi-Monthly, but with more general articles of interest. Thank you for your patience.<ref name="news5">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews5.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #5 (September/October 2004)]</ref>}}

===A Very Special Holiday Chris-chan===
{{quotebox|The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the [[C-Mas]] Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, [[Sonichu]] and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.

• If your children, or spouse, want some [[video games]], but no [[toys]], buy some toys anyway, they will be surprised. We recommend any of [[Lego]] sets, [[Transformers]] and [[Kimmi|Dolls]]. 
• Wrap the presents anyway, because they always want to rip up the wrapping paper like a candy bar. 
• Always remember that Christmas is the celebration of family, so [[Cole Smithey|never leave out any relatives]] from your festivities. 
• If you do not have a family, then find a friend to share C-Mas with <ref name="News6">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews6.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #6 (November/December 2004)]</ref>.}}
 
{{quotebox|While all have families, so does he. While all men have Girlfriends, this man does not, and he is very depressed about it. “Since Agust, [[2003]],” Christian Weston Chandler said, “I’ve been trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free, 18-22-year old girl.” His methods were sound and well-thought; [[Attraction sign|simple signs]], [[Chris and fashion|looking cool]], and “chilling” in [[List of places that have banned Chris|the most social places]]. His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of [[Noviophobia]], where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “[[JERKS|A Jerk]].” His thoughts are sound as the [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|Boyfriend Factor]] is so high, it leaves him with no pretty ladies to choose from. So, if there are any pretty ladies without a…Boyfriend, you can find this lonesome [[CWC "Boyfriend"|prince]] hanging at the [[Fashion Square mall]] Saturday afternoons, in front of Ambercrombie & Fitch. Don’t let his friendly smile fool you; he is hurting inside. Please help Chris have a Happy Holiday.<ref name="News6" />}}
 
{{quotebox|[[Mary Lee Walsh|Hslaw Eel Yram]], who previously shattered hearts and souls, is handing out presents at [[CWCville|Cwcville’s]] Christmas Tree lighting? Odd, but true, and when interviewed, she had this to say, “After three months in prison, I became rehabilitated and more happy to give joy to those I’ve hurt.” Then we asked her about her oldest victim, Christian Chandler, she said, “I plan to give him a surprise on Christmas Eve, a heart-felt apology.” Well, I guess we’ll see if she will be true to her word on the night before Christmas.<ref name="News6" />}}

===Prelude to [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===
{{quotebox|[[Sonichu]]'s father, [[Christian Chandler]], is working on a [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic book]]. It will be hand-drawn, as [[Asperchu|most comics]] are. And it will feature “Sonichu’s Origin,” the “Genesis of the Lovehogs,” and “Sonichu’s First Big Battle.” It will also include exclusive introductory content into Chris’s world, as well as Sonichu’s world. Chris said that his target date is before [[2005#June|June, 2005]], the month of the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] Convention in Richmond, VA; he plans to be there. So, if you’ve been a Sonichu fan up to then, come find him at the convention, and he will be happy to share the hand-drawn stories of Sonichu!

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sonichu cover provided by Author, Christian Weston Chandler.<ref name="News6" />}}

===Chris's dating tips===
{{quote|Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu running a mile. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is.|Chris, preaching what he never practices}}

{{quotebox|Take it from the lonesome man in [[Virginia]] who has been trying to find a Boyfriend-Free girl for over One year and Five months, with the Boyfriend Factor being infinitely high, all you lonesome saps have to summon up courage, or you won’t be able to get [[China|anywhere]]. So here are some tips from me, as well as noted givers of the 411:

* (CWC) When a girl does acknowledge your existence, rather by a simple wave, or as extreme as a hug, forget the Boyfriend-Factor, summon your courage and talk to her. And be sure to ask her if she does have a Boyfriend.
* (CWC) If she does have a Boyfriend, keep her name in mind, because she could help you hook up with a pretty Boyfriend-Free girl in the future.
* ([[Wikipedia:John Tesh|John Tesh]]) If you want to give her a gift right off the bat, give, or send, her a bouquet of flowers, other than the clichéd Roses, and no more. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to give her more.
* (John Tesh) The right time to give her a gift, during your date, is during, of after, desert [''sic''] (especially if you made the desert [''sic''] for her yourself).
* (CWC) If you are meeting her for the first time, just keep a cool head, and be yourself. But if you want a quick list of what to do, here’s my list, courtesy of the [[Sprung]] game for the [[Nintendo]] DS:
* Introduce yourself: try to [[The Creepy Stare|look serious]] on your face; do not [[Fangs|smile big]], and do not use a [[Speech impediment|forceful voice tone]].
* Compliment her: on her [[hair]] or [[eyes]].
* Break the Ice with a [[Christian's sex joke|joke]]: try not to use an [[Twin Falling Towers|offensive joke]]. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ [[Donald Duck]]. Quack! Quack!
* (Depending on the situation), offer to buy her a [[CWC Cola|drink]], or comment on a topic of interest (such as the [[Lovely Weather|weather]]).
* Ask for her name: make it sound kind and fun. For example, you can say, “[[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Do angels like you have names]]?” If she is offended by that, apologize and say that you thought it was a kind way of asking her name. <ref>Fun fact: Chris used this with [[Anna]] in [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]]</ref>
* (I’d add this step) Ask her about herself: where her family [[Molvania|came from]], [[Mary Poppins|favorite movie]] or [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|color]], and other [[Honest Content|fun basic things]] like that. And try to make the conversation fun, because the more fun she has with you, the more likely you are to get her phone number.
* Ask for her phone number: if she does not give it to you now, just give her time, and just hang with her, and she’ll give it to you.
* Ask her for a date: make it immediate, like after work or school. An immediate date shows real interest, or desperation.
*(CWC) Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu [[Sonichu's Edge|running a mile]]. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is.
* (John Tesh) Your date is very important. If you take her to a party, then you probably feel like you need the support of your friends in front of your girlfriend. If you take her to a movie, you are likely to want her to yourself, and sneak a smooch in the dark. But if you take her to dinner, then you are showing real interest, because you are most able to converse over a [[McDonald's|good meal]].
* (John Tesh) When you want to watch a movie with her, you should pick a romance flick. Since you and she are less likely to feel romantic during any other movie category, like action or horror. And hey, she will most appreciate the love you show by sharing the chick flick, because it shows that you care about her feelings<ref name="news7">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews7.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #7 (January/February 2004)]</ref>.}}

===Sonichu goes to the [[University of Virginia]] library===
{{quotebox|After hanging at Fashion Square and PVCC, [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]], decided to give the University of Virginia a try. He found the campus grounds serene and peaceful with its history, scenery and plenty of grass to rest on. He found himself [[Honor roll|educated]] within the libraries’ many books, and made like he was in Paris with the outdoor tables and chairs. And the “Corner” stores had an interesting selection of items from pencil sets to [[DVD]]s. He gave the UVA 5/5 Lightning Bolts of approval. Thank you UVA, for a very peaceful place to chill at in the city of Charlottesville<ref name="news5" />.}}

===Prelude to [[Silvana]]===
{{quotebox|Recently, a black [[Rosechu]] came down from outer space in a fashionable space ship. She came down onto our Earth wreaking havoc by abducting the Sonichu Heroes. But in conjunction with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], the Rosechus of Earth rescued all of them. In an interview with [[Magi-Chan]] Sonichu, he said, “I’ve been communicating with her through telekinesis, and she sounded very lonesome. She said that she was a female [[Pikachu]] who was hit by a shining light from the Chaos [[Rainbow]].” The Chaos Rainbow was the rainbow made when Super Sonic collided with the Pikachu, on that fateful day in Station Square years ago. And when interviewed, the black Rosechu, who named herself, Silvana, she stated, “I abducted the Sonichus, because it was very lonesome on the moon, there were NO aliens there at all. And when I communicated with Magi-Chan, I was inspired to build my spacecraft with the remains of the shuttle that put me there in the first place." <ref name="news7" />}}

===Chris's letter on ''[[Sprung]]''===
{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have sent an E-Mail to [[Nintendo Power]]’s “Players’ Pulse” section on January 9, 2005, in response to Nintendo DS’s Sprung game (scanned pages shown above). After receiving my copy of the April, 2005 issue, I was pleasantly surprised to find my E-Mail printed in the “Players’ Pulse” section, with the screen shot (shown to the bottom-right), which I find very appropriate to my current situation. The girl on top says, “YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND KICKS YOUR ***!” Although, there are a couple of fixes to mend in their print out: the fear I was referring to should be “[[Noviophobia|NOVIOPHOBIA]],” not “NOIOPHOBIA.” Also, since February 24, 2005, I am now 23-years old, and I am looking for an 18-23-year old, Boyfiend-Free, Datable Girl whom I can love and trust. Also, a little time after using the teachings of Sprung, my fear came back like a boomerang<ref name="news8">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews8.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #8 (March/April 2004)]</ref>.}}

===Chris's 23rd Birthday===
{{quotebox|Christian Chandler had originally planned to have his party on Thursday, February 24, but then it got snowed out, so it was changed to Saturday, February 26. His party was located at the Fashion Square Shopping Center in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], by the tree between Abercrombie & Fitch and Pacific Sunwear. A couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her [[religion]], came by to his party and have partaken in the lovely cake and [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|Mello Yello]] soda pop. They also gave him a very nice present too. His parents were also there, with a present as well, and they told a couple of interesting stories of Christian. Christian, his parents, and his friends, all had a good time, which makes up for Christian’s snowed out 23rd Birthday.<ref name="news8" />}}

===Completion of ''Sonichu'' #0===
{{quotebox|Yes, Sonichu fans, the Premiere Hand-Drawn issue of the Sonichu Comic Book has been completed. The project was started with the Cover drawing (see issue #6 of the News Dash for the previous information) back on November 24, [[2004]], and since then, with [[Things Chris has ripped off|random inspiration]] and [[Video games|too many breaks]], the book was completed on March 15, [[2005]]. The Comic includes the first 3 Episodes of our heroic Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu, classic strips drawn before the Comic project and two “Advertisements” for possible future games ([[Miyamoto Saga|at least in Christian W. Chandler’s dreams]]). CWC said, “Well, it took a long time, all things considered, but I feel that this Comic is my best work yet. I have also recently made a Sub-Episode that, one may say, started right after the Epilogue in Episode 3; it will be placed exclusively on the Sonichu Site for the fans to see. Also, I’m thinking about a Premiere Issue #1 featuring the story of how [[Black Sonichu]] was created, as well as how [[Sonichu]] and [[Sonic]] the Hedgehog “formally” met. 8) I’ll keep you up to date as I am inspired; until then, keep on “Zappin’ to the Extreme!” On the Sonichu Site, there will be two ways to access the Comic: through a link on the front page, or click on the Back Cover image (shown below) in this issue of the News Dash<ref name="news9">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews9.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #9 (April 2005)]</ref>.}}

===Chris at some [[anime]] cons===
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Chris meeting Monica Rial]]

{{quotebox|On May 29, 2004, I, Christian Chandler, attended my first Anime Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)<ref name="news5" />}}
 
{{quotebox|(So to speak) Christian Chandler plans to attend the Anime Mid Atlantic Convention in Richmond, Virginia on all three days (June 17-19, 2005). Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see News Dash issue #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more. To learn more about the Anime Mid-Atlantic convention, regrestration, and where in Richmond, Virginia it is located, visit the website at http://www.animemidatlantic.com<ref name="news9" />.}}

===Chris on PowerWeb ("Why PowerWeb STINKS on Ice")===
{{quotebox|
# It is FORCED as the ONLY way to enroll into PVCC.
# There is no alternative to enrolling, because they took away the original registration forms.
# It’s NOT user-friendly.
# It was not designed for the [[CADD|computer illiterate]].
# It’s very unethical.
# There is [[Autism|no person-to-person contact]].
# High risk of lost connection while [[Honor roll|figuring it out]].
# Much LONGER waiting time.
# It’s too much trouble to deal with.
# It had too much advertising to give a darn.}}

==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/newdash.htm ''Sonichu's News Dash!'' archive]
{{Writings}}
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

Blanca Weiss

2014-07-27T02:44:15Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Related images */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:BW.PNG|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Blanca Weiss
|-
| '''Alias'''
| KawaiiKitsune123 Ami B-Chan
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
|}

{{quote|Blanca is real. I talked to her. Yeah, she called me. So, uh, as for the person who, uh, as for the jerk who, uh, posed with the ay... KawaiiKitsune name? If I knew who you were, I'd give you a kick in da bawls.|Chris on Blanca, [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|13 September 2008]]}}

{{quote|Rest assured she [Blanca] is not a troll, so nobody say otherwise. I have talked to her on webcam and video--and, uh, audio and have heard her voice over mic--over her microphone, to my speakers and headphones.|Chris on Blanca, [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|9 October 2008]]}}

'''Blanca Weiss''' (a.k.a. '''Ami B-Chan''', '''KawaiiKitsune123''') was the identity assumed by [[trolls]] who posed as [[Chris]]'s [[sweetheart]] in order to get one thing: the [[Medallions|Medallion of Fail]].

The group pulling the strings was a trio of [[YouTube]] trolls. Two of them, going by the handles RickyRicardo123 and Nurse Icky-chan, talked to Chris via IM and telephone respectively. The third, Ickeriss69, received the package containing the medallions (as well as the enclosed [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|love letter]]) and uploaded the videos of the Sonichu medallion being destroyed.

{{Infobox/Galpal
| name = Autistic
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bzlUoAOpiak}}
| Stardate = 20 October 2008
| Maker = [[Blanca]]
| Subject = [[Medallion of Fail]]
| Video Type = Troll
| Other Info = The first Sonichu medallion is destroyed on camera.
}}

Some argue that aside from the medallion destruction, the team behind the "real" Blanca (as opposed to [[Lordsillynipples]], who impersonated her after the original group had created the identity) did nothing except keep Chris to themselves, telling Chris to not make videos, stopping him from releasing content, etc.

Despite many people telling him Blanca is not real, and even after the medallion was destroyed on film, ''Chris still continued to believe Blanca was real.'' He later stated in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]] that the people responsible for destroying the medallion simply lived near Blanca and intercepted the mail.

Since the destruction of the medallions, the three trolls have largely faded into obscurity.

The name Blanca Weiss is just a feminine version of the [[Spanish]] for white (''blanca'') and the German word for white (''Weiß''); Blanca Weiss is literally just [[Chris and race|white]] [[Boyfriend-free girl|female]], Chris's personal preference in sweethearts.

==FCTC==

The trio were good friends with several members of the Fried Chicken Trolling Crew (FCTC), a now-defunct trolling group known for trolling various individuals & groups on youtube. Some photos (read: [[nudes]]) were shown to the FCTC, who later posted the images onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] after posting the group's watermark onto them.

{{quote|there was internal bullshit with the Chris-Chan thing (Ricky, Blanca, and myself were pissed about the watermarks and the fact everything was released before the troll was done yet).|Ickeriss69}}

The group itself later fell out due to internal conflict. It was shortly revived as "Cool Troll Fighting Crew", but this group also later disband. As for Ickeriss69 himself, he went on to temporarily become an admin on [[/cwc/]], but after more controversy this relationship broke off as well.

He still periodically attempts to revive (or kill) CWC trolling, and to this day, he still has Chris's medallions, one of which he offered to the former [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] owner GirlVinyl on the site's five year anniversary.

==Chris gets a clue==

In [[April 2010]], Chris published a [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|page]] on the [[CWCipedia]] with a list of many of the women he has known in his life. Blanca is conspicuously absent from the list, but he mentions her briefly in the entry on [[Sarah Jackson]]. Of all the sweethearts he's met online, Blanca and [[Sydney_Contacts|Sydney]] are apparently the only ones that Chris has been able to successfully identify as a troll.

It should be noted though that while Chris might have figured out that Blanca was a troll, he still failed to [[Chris and reality|realize she wasn't a real person]]. In [[December 2009]] Chris uploaded a [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|"correction"]] of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page; in it, he writes that he "[D]umped [Blanca's] sorry ass after that misdeed; I had trusted her."

==The many faces of Blanca==

<center><gallery>
Image:BlancaFake01.jpg|The "original" Blanca, which Chris would base his depiction of Blanca in the comic.
Image:BlancaFake02.jpg|Another known image of "Blanca."
Image:Blancaglasses.jpg|"Totally me. TOTALLY."
Image:Blanca1258.jpg|"Actually, she does look more like I do."
Image:SchuComic8P69.jpg|Blanca, depicted with her fan character [[Jiggliami]] as they discuss how Chris is stuck in the [[Time Void]], is based off this Aryan version of Blanca.
</gallery></center>

==Related images==

<center><gallery>
Image:CWCletter.jpg|Letter enclosed with the Medallions, with Chris believing that Blanca was his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart
Image:BWDA01-001.jpg|Blanca signs up for [[DeviantART|DeviantArt]]
Image:BWSkype01-001.jpg|...and Skype
Image:BWSkype01-002.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[CWC Fighter]]

==External links==
*[http://kawaiikitsune123.deviantart.com/ Blanca's DeviantArt account]

{{BlancaSaga}}

{{Love quest}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Weiss, Blanca}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Blanca Saga]]

Fridays After Five

2014-07-27T02:43:07Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* 9 July Sighting */

{{Quote|they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.|Chris, referring to the trolls at FA5.<ref>[http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016]</ref>}}

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|left|140px|You know he's [[straight]] because his [[bra]] says so.]]
[[Image:Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's new [[attraction Location|prowling ground]].]]

'''Fridays After Five''' is a large block party/concert series that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. In [[June 2010]] [[Chris]] was video-recorded there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a [[6 June 2010|video]] explaining his near hit-and-run on [[Michael Snyder]]. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays after Five in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]], in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play there every Friday night.

== 18 June Sighting==
{{-}}
[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris trying to pick up a [[boyfriend-free girl]].]]
[[Image:Dancing.gif|thumb|185px|right|Chris attempting to dance. Note the man in the foreground shaking his head in disbelief/disgust.]]

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a [[trolls|good Samaritan]] ([[YouTube]] name [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy [[China|Vagina]]" and was wearing a "[[homos|gay]] circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|PokéWalker]]. At some point, Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write [[Love Quest|"WANT WOMAN!"]] on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the [[medallions|Medallion of Fail]] - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his [[Love Quest|old tricks]]. Like the [[attraction sign]], Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman." This is yet another example that this [[autism|autistic]] man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging [[hair|bald]] spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential [[sweetheart]]s - mostly [[pedofork|severely underage]] - Chris spent his time at the event [[Flipnote Hatena|drawing flipnotes]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and [[autism]] - with all the grace and skill of [[CWC Fighter]].

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

== 9 July Sighting ==
[[File:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|right|Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad lonely cage..]]
On 9 July, the troll who spotted Chris on [[McIntire Park#Independence Day Sighting|Independence Day]] spotted him again. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

{{quotebox|
Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.}}

This time, the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers of Fail]]. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris [[The GAMe PLACe|has been known]] to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a [[Attraction Sign|small piece of paper]] between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

Chris's response to this sighting, delusional as always:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 3]]: E-mails sent around the time of the FAF sightings</ref>
{{quoteboxred|I lured out one last Friday at the Pavillion, obviously. I SHOULD have gone after him in pursuit, but the only plan I had programmed in my head in response is take their picture with my DSi. I have reprogrammed my mind to pursue after lure, yell for a policeman, and have him arrested for Taking Photographs at the Pavillion during Fridays After 5. On their Triangular, Red Column, they have a rules list, which includes, "No Cameras or Videotaping are Permitted". I am positive I'll lure out the same guy from Last Friday; I only got a brief look at his face, but I am positive I'd [[Blanca Weiss|recognize him on future sight]].}}

==16 July Sighting==
[[File:Manzone.jpg|thumb|right|Something like this.]]
On 16 July, a different troll managed to spot Chris at the park. While no photos were taken, the description given paints a very... ''unusual'' picture.

{{quotebox|This probably isn't a big surprise to anyone, but Chris was also at Fridays After Five on July 16th. No pictures, I'm afraid. He was wearing a bright orange sleeveless shirt with what looked like a beer logo on the back and holding a Budweiser aluminum bottle, a little mini fan made to look like an iPod, and a hula hoop for some reason. Most importantly he had a sort of basic attraction sign with him, nothing elaborate or directly sexual but it said something like "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone" or something similar to that and with more smaller text under that I couldn't make out. He was sitting on the back grass part and left a few minutes before the music was over. I would have loved to catch Chris's attempts at using the hula hoop, I bet that was funny as hell.}}

While the initial footage from June introduced the "WANT WOMAN!" bra as a sort of makeshift attraction sign, the most recent sighting reports a full-fledged return of an actual [[attraction sign]], albeit a very basic one.

The hula hoop is more puzzling. It's entirely possible that Chris brought it to add to the dance moves seen on this very page, but given Chris's [[Sonichu's Edge|abysmally low stamina]], [[obesity|corpulent physique]], and total lack of coordination or dancing ability, this seems like a very unusual choice. Another theory is that he used it to mark the boundaries of his "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He can be seen at the end of one of the videos "dancing", apparently looking at and drifting towards a girl using two hula hoops near the stage; whether this inspired him to bring one himself or not is a matter of speculation.

==Gallery==
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:100 0669.JPG|The return of the King.
File:100 0670.JPG|[[100 2178|All alone.]]
File:100 0671.JPG|Preparing to put the moves on a [[gal-pal]].
File:100 0673.JPG|The gal-pal's gone...
File:100 0674.JPG|Oh! Potential new gal-pals!
File:100 0676.JPG|Creepy...
File:100 0677.JPG|...fucking...
File:100 0678.JPG|...scene.
File:100 0681.JPG|Eventually, an urgent need to [[Flipnote Hatena|DRAW SOME SHIT]] prevails.
File:100 0682.JPG|Chris enjoying the real world. Also, DAT ASSCRACK.
File:100 0683.JPG|Chris has a deep conversation with an eight-year-old.
File:100 0693.JPG|A wide shot.
File:100 0694.JPG|A close-up of Chris. Notice that he hasn't bothered to fully remove his shirt.
File:100 0695.JPG|Chris showing off his muscular bosom.
File:100 0696.JPG|LOOK AT THAT GUT, GODDAMN!!!
File:100_0697.JPG|Chris trying to look sexy for Da Ladies.
File:Fridayafterplan.png|CWC's Plan B.
File:FAF-06092010.jpg|From autistic trucker to dorkish plumber.
File:WantMan.jpg|CWC's [[Homos|Plan C]].
File:Hulahoop.png|Chris and the hula hoop.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Flipnote Hatena]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]]
* [[Pedofork]]

==External links==
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download the Videos]</s> DELETED
* [http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Fridays After Five at the Charlottesville Pavilion]

== Sources ==
<references />

[[Category:Social life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Field agent videos| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Events]]

List of Love Quest candidates

2014-07-27T02:42:15Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Chris]], despite being [[autism|autistic]], lazy, and [[obesity|fat]], has had many attractive young ladies thrown themselves upon him to hold the title of being Chris's TRUE and [[Honest Content|HONEST]] '''[[sweetheart]].'''

==How does Chris get so many women?==
Originally, he would make the ladies swoon with his to-the-point signs and his excessive burl but in more recent times his bubbly nature has subsided. For at least a decade he was so desperate to lose his moniker of "[[Virgin with rage]]," that when a girl threw herself at Chris saying how awesome and hunky he was, Chris was ready and willing to sweep them off their feet and bring them into his life. Until recently, that was what you would expect from him.

==The Women in Chris's Life==

===[[Lori Lopez]]===
An American/Spanish girl who Chris met through [[MySpace]] via [[Joshua Martinez]] in November 2007. Not much is known about these two during their short time together.

===[[Blanca Weiss]]===
A girl Chris met online around August 2008. She was the first to introduce a character for the [[Sonichu]] comics. Things had pretty much went swimmingly between the two until Chris began suspecting something about her. At the same time, he began seeing another woman, causing friction between the two of them. When Blanca asked to see his medallions, Chris happily obliged until trolls intercepted and destroyed them. Soon after, Blanca broke up with Chris, shattering his heart (Chris would revision this event with him dumping her.)

===[[Sarah Jackson]]===
A woman Chris met the same time he was with Blanca. When the two women finally confronted each other, Chris chose Blanca. Sarah would later die by [[Optimus Prime|a truck hitting her]].

===[[PandaHalo]]===
A girl Chris met at the same time he was seeing Blanca. When he and Blanca broke up, Chris immediately set his sights on Panda. Panda discovered just how desperate he was for sex when he admitted he would gladly have sex with an animal for her pleasure. Panda would later be raped by [[Clyde Cash]] and be pregnant with his child. Chris tried to get her to have an abortion while Panda attempted to get him to join her and Clyde in Clyde's mansion. In the end, Chris gave up Panda to Clyde when she told him he if they wanted to stay together, he should make Sonichu a reality, and Chris didn't want to put that much work into it.

===[[Julie]]===
Soon after breaking up with Panda, Chris immediately began seeing Julie. Through Julie, Chris began doing a number of sex acts and [[For Julie's Eyes Only|recording them]]. One of these moments was [[Bob Walks In|interrupted by Bob Chandler]]. In late February, Max, Julie's brother, held her against her will, forcing Chris to mount a daring rescue which didn't exactly work. Max would put Chris through the rings, showing how desperate Chris was for a girl, before revealing that both Max and Julie never existed - they were the [[BlueSpike|same person]].

===[[Ivy]]===
Another girl Chris had eyes for. He began seeing her not long after the incident with Julie. During this time, Chris went to great lengths to show how much he was in love with Ivy. Unlike Panda and Julie, Ivy never showed any interest in sexual acts, preferring seeing the comics instead. Chris happily obliged, creating three special comics in the process, even wanting to get married. Sadly, Ivy would break up with Chris after getting into a major clusterfuck with an obvious troll.

===[[Kacey]]===
When [[Liquid Chris]] made his appearance, Chris fought valiantly to prove his identity. When Chris discovered that Liquid had a girlfriend named Kacey, he attempted to win her over, the assumption being that, as the TRUE and HONEST Chris, she should be ''his'' girlfriend. When Liquid made his comeback months later, Chris would successfully win Kacey over. He would lose her not even weeks later due to a combination of being stood up for a date, [[Father Call|a confrontation with her father]], and [[Sonichu Special 4|a horrific comic]]. Kacey would later break with Chris and be happily married to Liquid.

==Fictional Sweethearts==

===[[Chloe]]===
A possible codename for PandaHalo. When Chris broke up with Blanca, Chris claimed he was seeing a girl named Chloe, whom he claimed to have met at a GameStop. Many never bought Chris's claims and Chloe was never mentioned again.

==Sweethearts of Dubious Origins==
{{Sweethearts}}
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Template:Sweetheart Videos

2014-07-27T02:41:35Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Navbox
|name = Sweetheart Videos
|title = [[Chris]]'s [[videos]] for [[gal pal|gal-pals]] and [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]

|group1=[[Gal-pals]]
|list1=[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]] • [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie]] • [[Apology to Emily]] • [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|Fart Song for Flora]] • [[Chris's Big Night Out]] • [[Chris's Big Night Out II]] • [[I'm Sorry, Dude]]

|group2=[[Ivy]]
|list2=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]] • [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]] • [[Chris Sings Lovin' You]] • [[The Return of Kimmi]] • [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] • [[For My Sweetest Ivy]] • [[A CWC Audition]] • [[More for the crabs]] • [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]] • [[Bunny Hop]]

|group3=[[Kacey]]
|list3=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]] • [[For Kacey from CWC]] • [[I Love You Kacey]] • [[For Kacey II]] • [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]] • [[Greetings to Kaceys Folks]] • [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]] • [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]] • [[CWC is sad|On Kacey's wedding]]

|group4=[[Jackie]]
|list4='''2010:''' [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]] • [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|To Jackie, with Love]] • [[Song for Jackie.MOV|Song for Jackie]] • [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]] • [[New Address]] • [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|Lars Is Jivin']] • [[100 2266|The Grimace cosplay]] • [[I like Mary Poppins‎]] • [[100 2269|Paul McCartney]] • [[ECV 00002|Chris-Chan Sonichu cosplay]] • [[WelcometoBollywood]] • [[ToJackie]] '''2011-12:''' [[Chris and Jackie's Date‎]] • [[Who's Your Brony?]] • [[Forgot the Glitter‎]] • [[Cakefarts]] • "[[The Red-Maned Deer]]" • [[You're Always Pretty]] • [[Little Tomboy Blue‎]] • "[[Teenage Dream]]" • [[Cheerleader]]

|group5=Others
|list5=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009|Reaction to Panda's death in fire]] • [[Ode to Julie]] • [[For Julie's Eyes Only]] • [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters]] • [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to Chris's videos about [[gal-pals]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
}}

[[Category:Navigational templates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Sweetheart Videos

2014-07-27T02:40:23Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Navbox
|name = Sweetheart Videos
|title = [[Chris]]'s [[videos]] for [[gal pal|gal-pals]] and [[sweethearts]]

|group1=[[Gal-pals]]
|list1=[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]] • [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie]] • [[Apology to Emily]] • [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|Fart Song for Flora]] • [[Chris's Big Night Out]] • [[Chris's Big Night Out II]] • [[I'm Sorry, Dude]]

|group2=[[Ivy]]
|list2=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]] • [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]] • [[Chris Sings Lovin' You]] • [[The Return of Kimmi]] • [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] • [[For My Sweetest Ivy]] • [[A CWC Audition]] • [[More for the crabs]] • [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]] • [[Bunny Hop]]

|group3=[[Kacey]]
|list3=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]] • [[For Kacey from CWC]] • [[I Love You Kacey]] • [[For Kacey II]] • [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]] • [[Greetings to Kaceys Folks]] • [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]] • [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]] • [[CWC is sad|On Kacey's wedding]]

|group4=[[Jackie]]
|list4='''2010:''' [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]] • [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|To Jackie, with Love]] • [[Song for Jackie.MOV|Song for Jackie]] • [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]] • [[New Address]] • [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|Lars Is Jivin']] • [[100 2266|The Grimace cosplay]] • [[I like Mary Poppins‎]] • [[100 2269|Paul McCartney]] • [[ECV 00002|Chris-Chan Sonichu cosplay]] • [[WelcometoBollywood]] • [[ToJackie]] '''2011-12:''' [[Chris and Jackie's Date‎]] • [[Who's Your Brony?]] • [[Forgot the Glitter‎]] • [[Cakefarts]] • "[[The Red-Maned Deer]]" • [[You're Always Pretty]] • [[Little Tomboy Blue‎]] • "[[Teenage Dream]]" • [[Cheerleader]]

|group5=Others
|list5=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009|Reaction to Panda's death in fire]] • [[Ode to Julie]] • [[For Julie's Eyes Only]] • [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters]] • [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to Chris's videos about [[gal-pals]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
}}

[[Category:Navigational templates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Sweetheart Videos

2014-07-27T02:39:56Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Navbox
|name = Sweetheart Videos
|title = [[Chris]]'s [[videos]] for [[gal-pals]] and [[sweethearts]]

|group1=[[Gal-pals]]
|list1=[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]] • [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie]] • [[Apology to Emily]] • [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|Fart Song for Flora]] • [[Chris's Big Night Out]] • [[Chris's Big Night Out II]] • [[I'm Sorry, Dude]]

|group2=[[Ivy]]
|list2=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]] • [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]] • [[Chris Sings Lovin' You]] • [[The Return of Kimmi]] • [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] • [[For My Sweetest Ivy]] • [[A CWC Audition]] • [[More for the crabs]] • [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]] • [[Bunny Hop]]

|group3=[[Kacey]]
|list3=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]] • [[For Kacey from CWC]] • [[I Love You Kacey]] • [[For Kacey II]] • [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]] • [[Greetings to Kaceys Folks]] • [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]] • [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]] • [[CWC is sad|On Kacey's wedding]]

|group4=[[Jackie]]
|list4='''2010:''' [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]] • [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|To Jackie, with Love]] • [[Song for Jackie.MOV|Song for Jackie]] • [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]] • [[New Address]] • [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|Lars Is Jivin']] • [[100 2266|The Grimace cosplay]] • [[I like Mary Poppins‎]] • [[100 2269|Paul McCartney]] • [[ECV 00002|Chris-Chan Sonichu cosplay]] • [[WelcometoBollywood]] • [[ToJackie]] '''2011-12:''' [[Chris and Jackie's Date‎]] • [[Who's Your Brony?]] • [[Forgot the Glitter‎]] • [[Cakefarts]] • "[[The Red-Maned Deer]]" • [[You're Always Pretty]] • [[Little Tomboy Blue‎]] • "[[Teenage Dream]]" • [[Cheerleader]]

|group5=Others
|list5=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009|Reaction to Panda's death in fire]] • [[Ode to Julie]] • [[For Julie's Eyes Only]] • [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters]] • [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to Chris's videos about [[gal-pals]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
}}

[[Category:Navigational templates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Bunny Hop

2014-07-27T02:38:30Z

Dynamic Dragon:

'''Bunny Hop''' is a video shot on Easter [[2009]]. It shows [[Chris]] pretending to be a bunny with a [[Chris and race#Asians|stereotypical Japanese accent]], and doing a [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] dance.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Bunny Hop
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VPX7zS23n0U}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{RedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[The Return of Kimmi]]
| next = [[A CWC Audition]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Easter Chris.jpg|thumb|left|The video in a nutshell.]]
[[Image:0031-EasterChristopher.jpg|thumb|A formative experience.]]

(Voice Over: "PYONG PYONG PYOOONNG, for [[Crass and Champ|Crass and]] [[User:Champthom|Champ]]! PYOOONNG PYOOONNG PYOOONNG!")

''[Chris is seen holding a pair of pipe cleaners behind his head to represent rabbit ears. He squats down to place his PS3 controller on the ground and gets back up.]''

''[attempting a kind of English accent]'' Hoppy Easter! Ivyyyyy! Crass and... Champ! Mmmm... Hoppy Easter!

''[Begins hopping around, doing a god-awful rendition of "Bunny Hop", a children's song, flailing his arms and wiggling around as the whole front of his torso jiggles up and down in disgusting unison]''

''[Around 0:44 Chris attempts to continue the song using kissing noises]''

Hhhooooooooooo-ppy Easter! Hoppy Easter! Mmm...[[Rape|we'regonnahavefun!]] ''[One of his "ears" falls off, and Chris reaches down to pick it up]

Bye now.

==Alternate version==
A version without the voice over at the beginning was uploaded by [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] on 3 [[October 2010]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Bunny Hop
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Vg4NtCez6Nc}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{RedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[The Return of Kimmi]]
| next = [[A CWC Audition]]
}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The CWC Dance
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Glk7L6FcNe0}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/cwcfanb0y2 cwcfanb0y2]
| subject = Do the autistic!
| type = VG Remix
}}

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The Return of Kimmi]]|nextlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-12]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-12]]

Fridays After Five

2014-07-27T02:36:05Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* 18 June Sighting */

{{Quote|they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.|Chris, referring to the trolls at FA5.<ref>[http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016]</ref>}}

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|left|140px|You know he's [[straight]] because his [[bra]] says so.]]
[[Image:Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's new [[attraction Location|prowling ground]].]]

'''Fridays After Five''' is a large block party/concert series that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. In [[June 2010]] [[Chris]] was video-recorded there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a [[6 June 2010|video]] explaining his near hit-and-run on [[Michael Snyder]]. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays after Five in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]], in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play there every Friday night.

== 18 June Sighting==
{{-}}
[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris trying to pick up a [[boyfriend-free girl]].]]
[[Image:Dancing.gif|thumb|185px|right|Chris attempting to dance. Note the man in the foreground shaking his head in disbelief/disgust.]]

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a [[trolls|good Samaritan]] ([[YouTube]] name [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy [[China|Vagina]]" and was wearing a "[[homos|gay]] circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|PokéWalker]]. At some point, Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write [[Love Quest|"WANT WOMAN!"]] on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the [[medallions|Medallion of Fail]] - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his [[Love Quest|old tricks]]. Like the [[attraction sign]], Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman." This is yet another example that this [[autism|autistic]] man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging [[hair|bald]] spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential [[sweetheart]]s - mostly [[pedofork|severely underage]] - Chris spent his time at the event [[Flipnote Hatena|drawing flipnotes]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and [[autism]] - with all the grace and skill of [[CWC Fighter]].

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

== 9 July Sighting ==
[[File:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|right|Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad lonely cage..]]
On 9 July, the troll who spotted Chris on [[McIntire Park#Independence Day Sighting|Independence Day]] spotted him again. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

{{quotebox|
Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.}}

This time, the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers of Fail]]. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris [[The GAMe PLACe|has been known]] to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a [[Attraction Sign|small piece of paper]] between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

Chris's response to this sighting, delusional as always:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 3]]: E-mails sent around the time of the FAF sightings</ref>
{{quoteboxred|I lured out one last Friday at the Pavillion, obviously. I SHOULD have gone after him in pursuit, but the only plan I had programmed in my head in response is take their picture with my DSi. I have reprogrammed my mind to pursue after lure, yell for a policeman, and have him arrested for Taking Photographs at the Pavillion during Fridays After 5. On their Triangular, Red Column, they have a rules list, which includes, "No Cameras or Videotaping are Permitted". I am positive I'll lure out the same guy from Last Friday; I only got a brief look at his face, but I am positive I'd [[Blanca|recognize him on future sight]].}}

==16 July Sighting==
[[File:Manzone.jpg|thumb|right|Something like this.]]
On 16 July, a different troll managed to spot Chris at the park. While no photos were taken, the description given paints a very... ''unusual'' picture.

{{quotebox|This probably isn't a big surprise to anyone, but Chris was also at Fridays After Five on July 16th. No pictures, I'm afraid. He was wearing a bright orange sleeveless shirt with what looked like a beer logo on the back and holding a Budweiser aluminum bottle, a little mini fan made to look like an iPod, and a hula hoop for some reason. Most importantly he had a sort of basic attraction sign with him, nothing elaborate or directly sexual but it said something like "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone" or something similar to that and with more smaller text under that I couldn't make out. He was sitting on the back grass part and left a few minutes before the music was over. I would have loved to catch Chris's attempts at using the hula hoop, I bet that was funny as hell.}}

While the initial footage from June introduced the "WANT WOMAN!" bra as a sort of makeshift attraction sign, the most recent sighting reports a full-fledged return of an actual [[attraction sign]], albeit a very basic one.

The hula hoop is more puzzling. It's entirely possible that Chris brought it to add to the dance moves seen on this very page, but given Chris's [[Sonichu's Edge|abysmally low stamina]], [[obesity|corpulent physique]], and total lack of coordination or dancing ability, this seems like a very unusual choice. Another theory is that he used it to mark the boundaries of his "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He can be seen at the end of one of the videos "dancing", apparently looking at and drifting towards a girl using two hula hoops near the stage; whether this inspired him to bring one himself or not is a matter of speculation.

==Gallery==
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:100 0669.JPG|The return of the King.
File:100 0670.JPG|[[100 2178|All alone.]]
File:100 0671.JPG|Preparing to put the moves on a [[gal-pal]].
File:100 0673.JPG|The gal-pal's gone...
File:100 0674.JPG|Oh! Potential new gal-pals!
File:100 0676.JPG|Creepy...
File:100 0677.JPG|...fucking...
File:100 0678.JPG|...scene.
File:100 0681.JPG|Eventually, an urgent need to [[Flipnote Hatena|DRAW SOME SHIT]] prevails.
File:100 0682.JPG|Chris enjoying the real world. Also, DAT ASSCRACK.
File:100 0683.JPG|Chris has a deep conversation with an eight-year-old.
File:100 0693.JPG|A wide shot.
File:100 0694.JPG|A close-up of Chris. Notice that he hasn't bothered to fully remove his shirt.
File:100 0695.JPG|Chris showing off his muscular bosom.
File:100 0696.JPG|LOOK AT THAT GUT, GODDAMN!!!
File:100_0697.JPG|Chris trying to look sexy for Da Ladies.
File:Fridayafterplan.png|CWC's Plan B.
File:FAF-06092010.jpg|From autistic trucker to dorkish plumber.
File:WantMan.jpg|CWC's [[Homos|Plan C]].
File:Hulahoop.png|Chris and the hula hoop.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Flipnote Hatena]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]]
* [[Pedofork]]

==External links==
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download the Videos]</s> DELETED
* [http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Fridays After Five at the Charlottesville Pavilion]

== Sources ==
<references />

[[Category:Social life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Field agent videos| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Events]]

Fridays After Five

2014-07-27T02:35:37Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* 18 June Sighting */

{{Quote|they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.|Chris, referring to the trolls at FA5.<ref>[http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016]</ref>}}

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|left|140px|You know he's [[straight]] because his [[bra]] says so.]]
[[Image:Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's new [[attraction Location|prowling ground]].]]

'''Fridays After Five''' is a large block party/concert series that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. In [[June 2010]] [[Chris]] was video-recorded there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a [[6 June 2010|video]] explaining his near hit-and-run on [[Michael Snyder]]. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays after Five in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]], in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play there every Friday night.

== 18 June Sighting==
{{-}}
[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris trying to pick up a [[boyfriend-free girl]].]]
[[Image:Dancing.gif|thumb|185px|right|Chris attempting to dance. Note the man in the foreground shaking his head in disbelief/disgust.]]

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a [[trolls|good Samaritan]] ([[YouTube]] name [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy [[China|Vagina]]" and was wearing a "[[homos|gay]] circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[PokeWalker of Fail|PokéWalker]]. At some point, Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write [[Love Quest|"WANT WOMAN!"]] on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the [[medallions|Medallion of Fail]] - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his [[Love Quest|old tricks]]. Like the [[attraction sign]], Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman." This is yet another example that this [[autism|autistic]] man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging [[hair|bald]] spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential [[sweetheart]]s - mostly [[pedofork|severely underage]] - Chris spent his time at the event [[Flipnote Hatena|drawing flipnotes]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and [[autism]] - with all the grace and skill of [[CWC Fighter]].

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

== 9 July Sighting ==
[[File:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|right|Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad lonely cage..]]
On 9 July, the troll who spotted Chris on [[McIntire Park#Independence Day Sighting|Independence Day]] spotted him again. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

{{quotebox|
Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.}}

This time, the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers of Fail]]. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris [[The GAMe PLACe|has been known]] to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a [[Attraction Sign|small piece of paper]] between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

Chris's response to this sighting, delusional as always:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 3]]: E-mails sent around the time of the FAF sightings</ref>
{{quoteboxred|I lured out one last Friday at the Pavillion, obviously. I SHOULD have gone after him in pursuit, but the only plan I had programmed in my head in response is take their picture with my DSi. I have reprogrammed my mind to pursue after lure, yell for a policeman, and have him arrested for Taking Photographs at the Pavillion during Fridays After 5. On their Triangular, Red Column, they have a rules list, which includes, "No Cameras or Videotaping are Permitted". I am positive I'll lure out the same guy from Last Friday; I only got a brief look at his face, but I am positive I'd [[Blanca|recognize him on future sight]].}}

==16 July Sighting==
[[File:Manzone.jpg|thumb|right|Something like this.]]
On 16 July, a different troll managed to spot Chris at the park. While no photos were taken, the description given paints a very... ''unusual'' picture.

{{quotebox|This probably isn't a big surprise to anyone, but Chris was also at Fridays After Five on July 16th. No pictures, I'm afraid. He was wearing a bright orange sleeveless shirt with what looked like a beer logo on the back and holding a Budweiser aluminum bottle, a little mini fan made to look like an iPod, and a hula hoop for some reason. Most importantly he had a sort of basic attraction sign with him, nothing elaborate or directly sexual but it said something like "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone" or something similar to that and with more smaller text under that I couldn't make out. He was sitting on the back grass part and left a few minutes before the music was over. I would have loved to catch Chris's attempts at using the hula hoop, I bet that was funny as hell.}}

While the initial footage from June introduced the "WANT WOMAN!" bra as a sort of makeshift attraction sign, the most recent sighting reports a full-fledged return of an actual [[attraction sign]], albeit a very basic one.

The hula hoop is more puzzling. It's entirely possible that Chris brought it to add to the dance moves seen on this very page, but given Chris's [[Sonichu's Edge|abysmally low stamina]], [[obesity|corpulent physique]], and total lack of coordination or dancing ability, this seems like a very unusual choice. Another theory is that he used it to mark the boundaries of his "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He can be seen at the end of one of the videos "dancing", apparently looking at and drifting towards a girl using two hula hoops near the stage; whether this inspired him to bring one himself or not is a matter of speculation.

==Gallery==
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:100 0669.JPG|The return of the King.
File:100 0670.JPG|[[100 2178|All alone.]]
File:100 0671.JPG|Preparing to put the moves on a [[gal-pal]].
File:100 0673.JPG|The gal-pal's gone...
File:100 0674.JPG|Oh! Potential new gal-pals!
File:100 0676.JPG|Creepy...
File:100 0677.JPG|...fucking...
File:100 0678.JPG|...scene.
File:100 0681.JPG|Eventually, an urgent need to [[Flipnote Hatena|DRAW SOME SHIT]] prevails.
File:100 0682.JPG|Chris enjoying the real world. Also, DAT ASSCRACK.
File:100 0683.JPG|Chris has a deep conversation with an eight-year-old.
File:100 0693.JPG|A wide shot.
File:100 0694.JPG|A close-up of Chris. Notice that he hasn't bothered to fully remove his shirt.
File:100 0695.JPG|Chris showing off his muscular bosom.
File:100 0696.JPG|LOOK AT THAT GUT, GODDAMN!!!
File:100_0697.JPG|Chris trying to look sexy for Da Ladies.
File:Fridayafterplan.png|CWC's Plan B.
File:FAF-06092010.jpg|From autistic trucker to dorkish plumber.
File:WantMan.jpg|CWC's [[Homos|Plan C]].
File:Hulahoop.png|Chris and the hula hoop.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Flipnote Hatena]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]]
* [[Pedofork]]

==External links==
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download the Videos]</s> DELETED
* [http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Fridays After Five at the Charlottesville Pavilion]

== Sources ==
<references />

[[Category:Social life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Field agent videos| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Events]]

Fridays After Five

2014-07-27T02:34:57Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* 18 June Sighting */

{{Quote|they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.|Chris, referring to the trolls at FA5.<ref>[http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016]</ref>}}

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|left|140px|You know he's [[straight]] because his [[bra]] says so.]]
[[Image:Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's new [[attraction Location|prowling ground]].]]

'''Fridays After Five''' is a large block party/concert series that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. In [[June 2010]] [[Chris]] was video-recorded there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a [[6 June 2010|video]] explaining his near hit-and-run on [[Michael Snyder]]. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays after Five in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]], in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play there every Friday night.

== 18 June Sighting==
{{-}}
[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris trying to pick up a [[boyfriend-free girl]].]]
[[Image:Dancing.gif|thumb|185px|right|Chris attempting to dance. Note the man in the foreground shaking his head in disbelief/disgust.]]

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a [[trolls|good Samaritan]] ([[YouTube]] name [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy [[China|Vagina]]" and was wearing a "[[homos|gay]] circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[PokeWalker of Fail|PokéWalker]]. At some point, Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write [[Love Quest|"WANT WOMAN!"]] on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the [[Medallion of Fail]] - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his [[Love Quest|old tricks]]. Like the [[attraction sign]], Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman." This is yet another example that this [[autism|autistic]] man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging [[hair|bald]] spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential [[sweetheart]]s - mostly [[pedofork|severely underage]] - Chris spent his time at the event [[Flipnote Hatena|drawing flipnotes]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and [[autism]] - with all the grace and skill of [[CWC Fighter]].

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

== 9 July Sighting ==
[[File:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|right|Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad lonely cage..]]
On 9 July, the troll who spotted Chris on [[McIntire Park#Independence Day Sighting|Independence Day]] spotted him again. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

{{quotebox|
Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.}}

This time, the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers of Fail]]. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris [[The GAMe PLACe|has been known]] to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a [[Attraction Sign|small piece of paper]] between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

Chris's response to this sighting, delusional as always:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 3]]: E-mails sent around the time of the FAF sightings</ref>
{{quoteboxred|I lured out one last Friday at the Pavillion, obviously. I SHOULD have gone after him in pursuit, but the only plan I had programmed in my head in response is take their picture with my DSi. I have reprogrammed my mind to pursue after lure, yell for a policeman, and have him arrested for Taking Photographs at the Pavillion during Fridays After 5. On their Triangular, Red Column, they have a rules list, which includes, "No Cameras or Videotaping are Permitted". I am positive I'll lure out the same guy from Last Friday; I only got a brief look at his face, but I am positive I'd [[Blanca|recognize him on future sight]].}}

==16 July Sighting==
[[File:Manzone.jpg|thumb|right|Something like this.]]
On 16 July, a different troll managed to spot Chris at the park. While no photos were taken, the description given paints a very... ''unusual'' picture.

{{quotebox|This probably isn't a big surprise to anyone, but Chris was also at Fridays After Five on July 16th. No pictures, I'm afraid. He was wearing a bright orange sleeveless shirt with what looked like a beer logo on the back and holding a Budweiser aluminum bottle, a little mini fan made to look like an iPod, and a hula hoop for some reason. Most importantly he had a sort of basic attraction sign with him, nothing elaborate or directly sexual but it said something like "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone" or something similar to that and with more smaller text under that I couldn't make out. He was sitting on the back grass part and left a few minutes before the music was over. I would have loved to catch Chris's attempts at using the hula hoop, I bet that was funny as hell.}}

While the initial footage from June introduced the "WANT WOMAN!" bra as a sort of makeshift attraction sign, the most recent sighting reports a full-fledged return of an actual [[attraction sign]], albeit a very basic one.

The hula hoop is more puzzling. It's entirely possible that Chris brought it to add to the dance moves seen on this very page, but given Chris's [[Sonichu's Edge|abysmally low stamina]], [[obesity|corpulent physique]], and total lack of coordination or dancing ability, this seems like a very unusual choice. Another theory is that he used it to mark the boundaries of his "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He can be seen at the end of one of the videos "dancing", apparently looking at and drifting towards a girl using two hula hoops near the stage; whether this inspired him to bring one himself or not is a matter of speculation.

==Gallery==
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:100 0669.JPG|The return of the King.
File:100 0670.JPG|[[100 2178|All alone.]]
File:100 0671.JPG|Preparing to put the moves on a [[gal-pal]].
File:100 0673.JPG|The gal-pal's gone...
File:100 0674.JPG|Oh! Potential new gal-pals!
File:100 0676.JPG|Creepy...
File:100 0677.JPG|...fucking...
File:100 0678.JPG|...scene.
File:100 0681.JPG|Eventually, an urgent need to [[Flipnote Hatena|DRAW SOME SHIT]] prevails.
File:100 0682.JPG|Chris enjoying the real world. Also, DAT ASSCRACK.
File:100 0683.JPG|Chris has a deep conversation with an eight-year-old.
File:100 0693.JPG|A wide shot.
File:100 0694.JPG|A close-up of Chris. Notice that he hasn't bothered to fully remove his shirt.
File:100 0695.JPG|Chris showing off his muscular bosom.
File:100 0696.JPG|LOOK AT THAT GUT, GODDAMN!!!
File:100_0697.JPG|Chris trying to look sexy for Da Ladies.
File:Fridayafterplan.png|CWC's Plan B.
File:FAF-06092010.jpg|From autistic trucker to dorkish plumber.
File:WantMan.jpg|CWC's [[Homos|Plan C]].
File:Hulahoop.png|Chris and the hula hoop.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Flipnote Hatena]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]]
* [[Pedofork]]

==External links==
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download the Videos]</s> DELETED
* [http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Fridays After Five at the Charlottesville Pavilion]

== Sources ==
<references />

[[Category:Social life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Field agent videos| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Events]]

List of OkCupid Answers

2014-07-26T16:16:12Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Relationships */

[[OkCupid]] determines match rankings between its users by asking them a series of questions, and determining how they answer. These questions are randomly assigned, and can be answered whenever the user feels like it. The user can select a single answer for themselves, and multiple answers that he or she would be okay with potential matches picking.

Due to the tireless efforts of [[Clyde Cash]] we have obtained archives of many of Chris's answers submitted for his latest OkCupid Profile. Chris's answer, and answers he would like potential mates to select. As is the norm with Chris, the answers vary from completely [[Honest]], to untrue things that [[ego|Chris genuinely believes]], to complete [[lies]] that he thinks girls want to hear.

Chris's personal answers are underlined, and answers he would like girls to pick are in green. There is considerable overlap between the two.

==Politics and Law==
'''In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner.'''
* All the time!
* Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.
* Sometimes. It depends.
* Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.
'''Which of the following is the more appropriate penalty for [[rape]]?'''
* Death.
* Castration.
* Prison.
* Community service or less.
'''Which is more offensive: book burning or flag burning?'''
* book burning
* flag burning
'''Should burning your country's flag be illegal?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Politically, which are more important to you right now?'''
* Social issues
* Economic issues
* I don't really care about politics

==Relationships==
'''How important is it for you to make [[Megan Schroeder|physical]] [[Kacey|contact]] when showing affection for someone?'''
* Very important
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
'''Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own [[Chris and race|skin color / racial background]]?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Most of all, I want to meet someone who deserves MY:'''
* trust.
* loyalty.
* admiration.
* gratitude.
'''If you inadvertently found a phone number in a partner's pocket, which would you do?'''
* Call the number to see whose it is.
* Openly ask what/who the number is for.
* Nothing, I would trust my partner.
* Nothing, my partner's privacy should be respected.
'''If you were in a serious relationship and you learned that your partner cheated on you one drunken night, could you forgive him/her?'''
* Yes, if he/she was sincerely sorry.
* No, never.
* It depends on the situation.
* I don't believe in monogomy.
'''If you were going to have a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|child]], would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* This would not be an important factor to me.
'''If you were in a long term relationship and your partner [[Obesity|gained weight]] due to something like surgery recovery or childbirth, would you think less of them as a person?'''
* No, my partner's weight is irrelevant to me.
* No, my partner's health is what is most important.
* Not if they are willing to work hard and lose it.
* Yes, weight gain is so unattractive.
'''Would you ever stop dating someone based on a rumor you heard about them?'''
* Yes.
* Maybe, I'd give my date a chance to explain first.
* No.
'''What kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?'''
* Physical/Sexual.
* Mental/Emotional.
* Neither is important.
* Both are equally important.
'''If you were in a serious relationship, would you mind if your significant other maintained an active profile on OkCupid?'''
* Yes - I would mind this.
* No - This would not bother me.
'''Would you consider dating someone who dislikes children?'''
* Yes.
* No.
'''Your significant other's ex is coming into town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react?'''
* Sure, no problem.
* Not thrilled, but go ahead.
* Not just no... HELL no!
'''If you were in a long-term monogamous relationship, would you consider your partner "open mouth" kissing someone else cheating?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
'''Would you consider having an open relationship, where you can see other people?'''
* Yes
* No
'''If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?'''
* Yes, even if they were slightly overweight.
* Yes, but only if they were obese.
* No.
* No, in fact I prefer overweight people.
'''Would you avoid all contact with an ex if your current significant other asked you to?'''
* Yes, of course!
* No. This would be an unacceptable demand.
* Only if their justification seems reasonable.
'''Do you Google someone before a first date?'''
* Yes. Knowledge is power!
* No. Why spoil the mystery?
'''Would you--for any reason--read your mate's email or pose as him/her online, without his/her knowledge and permission?'''
* Yes, they shouldn't be keeping secrets anyway.
* Yes, I'd be too curious not to.
* Only if I suspected them of something.
* No, I'd trust them and that would be invasive.
'''Your significant other is traveling and has the opportunity to stay with a good friend that you know they find to be very attractive. What's your stance on the situation?'''
* It would be totally unacceptable.
* It might be ok, but I'd want to discuss it first.
* It's fine - I don't see any problem.
* It sounds sexy - Hopefully they'll hook up.
'''You get married. Five years later, you realize it was a mistake. Discussion and counseling haven't made a difference. You just don't love your partner anymore. He/she still loves you. You decide to:'''
* Keep trying. Marriage means commitment.
* Get a divorce. It'll be better for both of you.
'''How willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in person?'''
* Totally willing!
* Hesitant, but would consider.
* I am not interested in meeting in person.
'''How much affection can you tolerate?'''
* Inifinite
* Most of it.
* A little bit.
* Get off me!!
'''How important is it to you to have your own unique "thing" (like a weekly Girls' Night Out or Guys' Movie Night) that you don't share with your partner(s)?'''
* Very - I need some ME time to be happy
* Sort of - I need friends outside of my partner
* Not much - I like sharing stuff with my partner
* I'd prefer not to have exclusive things
'''How long do you want your next relationship to last?'''
* One night
* A few months to a year
* Several years
* The rest of my life
'''How do you feel about falling in love?'''
* I love it and want it very much
* I try to avoid it
* I like to just let it happen
* I'm indifferent / not sure
'''Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|'seeing someone' or 'married']]?'''
* Yes to both
* No to both
* Yes to 'seeing someone' only
* Yes to 'married' only
'''Which makes for a better relationship?'''
* Passion
* Dedication
'''Is it a requirement that you communicate with your significant other daily, in some way (phone, email, in person, etc.)?'''
* Yes, no matter what
* Yes, unless otherwise specified
* No, it's not necessary
* No, I'd prefer not to communicate daily
'''Which of these options most closely describes what you're looking for in your next relationship?'''
* Someone to come home to
* Someone to go out with
* Someone for tonight
'''How much can intelligence turn you on?'''
* Intelligence can turn me on a lot!
* Intelligence can turn me on a bit.
* Intelligence does nothing for me either way.
* Intelligence turns me off.
'''How long do your romantic relationships usually last?'''
* 0-6 months
* 6-12 months
* 12+ months
* I've never been in a relationship
'''Do you believe in monogamy?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure

==Sex==
'''I prefer to sleep ...'''
* Alone
* With my partner, but apart (not touching)
* Touching my partner
* Embracing / cuddling my partner
'''You're in a relationship/marriage and feel that you and your mate aren't having sex frequently enough. What do you do?'''
* Talk to them about it
* Try to spice things up. (Toys, fantasies, etc)
* Do nothing, but hope things change naturally.
* Cheat on them / Break up with them.
'''How willing would you be to try out new things sexually with a partner?'''
* Completely willing.
* Somewhat willing.
* Not at all willing.
'''[[Women's Rights|Straight women who kiss or fondle each other]] in clubs in the hopes of attracting men are...'''
* Incredibly hot!
* Just having some girlish fun.
* Profoundly annoying.
'''How would you feel if your partner asked you to get tested for STDs before having sex with you for the first time?'''
* Positive (relieved, accepting, happy, or proud).
* Neutral.
* Negative (offended, annoyed, angry, or afraid).
'''You're in a romantic relationship with someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you'll have [[Chris and Sex|sex]]?'''
* 1-2 dates
* 3-5 dates
* 6 or more dates
* Only after the wedding
'''How important is it that a partner be capable of intelligent intercourse?'''
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
'''Might you consider dating someone who confided to you that he/she had a sexually transmitted disease?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Ideally, how often would you have sex?'''
* Every day
* 3 to 4 times per week
* 1 to 2 times per week
* less than once per week
'''How open are you to trying new things in bed?'''
* Very open. I'll try anything once.
* I'm open, but I don't get too crazy.
* Hesitant, but it might happen.
* Not at all.
'''Do you like to cuddle?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes - It depends.
'''Is contraception morally wrong?'''
* Yes
* No
* Depends on the kind
'''Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Which best represents your opinion of [[homos|same-sex relationships]]?'''
* Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong.
* Guy-on-guy is okay, but girl-on-girl is wrong.
* All same-sex relationships are wrong.
* It's all fine by me.

==Faith and Religion==
'''Are you Christian?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in public schools?'''
* Yes, students should hear both sides
* No, creationism has no place in public schools
* No, evolution has no place in public schools
'''Would you ever change your religion (or adopt one) because your significant other wanted you to?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
'''Would you date an atheist?'''
* Yes
* No
'''How important is [[Chris and religion|religion/God]] in your life?'''
* Extremely important
* Somewhat important
* Not very important
* Not at all important

==Life and [[Death]]==
'''How do you feel about kids?'''
* Kids are precious - they love me and I love them!
* They're okay, but keep the unruly ones at bay.
* God, how revolting. *shudder*
* I'm indifferent.
'''If your best friend began talking of suicide and asked you not to tell anyone, would you be willing to honor their request?'''
* Yes, it's their life to do with as they see fit.
* Yes, but I'd do my best to talk them out of it.
* No, I'd find help for them.
'''What is most appealing?'''
* Settling down with a family someday
* A life of singledom
* Living spontaneousy and in the moment
'''When a [[PandaHalo|woman]] chooses to abort a pregnancy, should she be required to inform [[Clyde Cash|the father]]?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Possibly, depending upon other factors.
'''If it comes to having children, would you prefer to adopt or to be one of the biological parents?'''
* I would rather be one of the biological parents.
* I would rather adopt.
* Either would be equally fine.
* Neither - I'd prefer to not have children at all.
'''When is suicide okay?'''
* Always.
* In special cases, such as to prevent suffering.
* Never.
'''Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?'''
* Yes
* No
'''To you, is abortion an option in case of an unwanted accidental pregnancy?'''
* Yes
* No
'''If you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be?'''
* Love
* Wealth
* Expression
* Knowledge
'''Are you happy with your life?'''
* Yes
* No
* Most of the time
'''Are you looking for a partner to have children with?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Would you ever consider adopting a child or being artificially inseminated on your own if you gave up on finding a life partner?'''
* Yes, and I'd keep dating
* Yes, and I'd dedicate myself to the child
* No, I wouldn't do it
'''If you were to die, would whoever goes through your [[sex toys|personal belongings]] be shocked by what they find?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe a little bit.

==Hygiene==
'''How important is it to you that your partner smell good?'''
* Very damn important
* Important-ish
* Less important than you might think
* I just don't care.....at all
'''Does finding a long-term partner give you license to "let yourself go," (lower your standards of personal hygiene or appearance or gain large amounts of weight)?'''
* Yes, I preen only to attract a mate
* No, I do it for myself
* No, I want to make sure I hang on to him/her
* I have low standards in the first place
'''How frequently do you bathe or shower?'''
* At least once a day.
* Usually daily. I skip some.
* A couple times a week.
* Once a week or less.
'''How often do you brush your teeth?'''
* Twice or more a day
* Once a day
* Only on days I feel like it
* Rarely / never

==Vices and Virtues==
'''Do you ever feel the need to get really [[Alcohol|drunk]]?'''
* Often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
'''How often do you [[Tobacky|smoke cigarettes]]?'''
* At least one cigarette a day
* Once in a while / only when drinking / rarely
* Never
'''Do you consider yourself to be an honorable person?'''
* Yes, I always try to do the right thing.
* Sometimes, it depends on the situation.
* No, not really.
* Are you kidding? I lie, cheat , AND steal.
'''Are you careful with your money?'''
* Yes
* No
How often are you open with your [[Chris and Anger|feelings]]?
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
'''Does smoking disgust you?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Rate your self-confidence:'''
* Very, very high
* Higher than average
* Average
* Below average
'''What's your deal with harder drugs (not marijuana)?'''
* I do drugs regularly.
* I do drugs occasionally.
* I've done drugs in the past, but no longer.
* I never do drugs.
'''Do you keep a [[Chris and Money|budget (of your finances)]]?'''
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
'''How often do you keep your promises?'''
* My word is my bond. No exceptions.
* Whenever possible
* Usually
* When convenient
'''What's your relationship with marijuana?'''
* I smoke regularly
* I smoke occasionally
* I smoked in the past, but no longer
* Never
'''Are you vegetarian or vegan?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you space out or daydream a lot?'''
* All the time
* Never / rarely
* Sometimes

==Misc.==
'''Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do?'''
* I'm an information sponge
* Sometimes
* As long as it works, who cares why?
'''Without using a dictionary or other tool, can you choose the commonly misspelled word? Don't cheat! It's okay if you don't know.'''
* 1. separate
* 2. definate
* 3. committee
* (Not sure / dumb question / who cares)
'''Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you have a problem with [[Chris and Race|racist jokes]]?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you like to be read to aloud?'''
* Yes, it makes me happy.
* Only when I'm sick.
* Maybe when I was five.
* Nope.
'''Do you and your ideal significant other enjoy making sarcastic jokes at each other's expense, knowing that it's all in good fun?'''
* Yes! That's a personality trait we have to share.
* Sometimes, but not too much.
* No, sarcasm doesn't belong in a love relationship.
* I can't dish it out, but I'd take it, I guess.
'''Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things?'''
* Good
* Interesting
'''What is your quest?'''
* To find true love.
* To find happiness.
* To find your fortune.
* To find the [[Monty Python|Grail.]]
'''How often do you meditate?'''
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
'''Which is worse: [[Sonee & Rosey|starving children]] or [[Chandler cats|abused]] [[Patti Chandler|animals]]?'''
* Starving children.
* Abused animals.
* Neither, both are good.
* Neither, they are equally bad.
'''How much influence or control do your parents have over your life?'''
* I am my own person.
* I consider their opinion but go my own way.
* I almost always do what my parents think is best.
* I always do what my parents say.
'''When birds stand on power lines and don't get hurt, it's most likely because of:'''
* Good timing; they only land between calls
* Body materials that are insulated from current
* Not touching anything else at the same time
* They do get hurt; they just express it poorly
'''If you don't do anything at all for an entire day, how does that make you feel?'''
* Good
* Bad
'''STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to...'''
* 89457
* [[Honor roll|98547]]
* 89754
* 89547
'''Which of these is likely to make you more nervous?'''
* A promising first date
* An important interview
'''What is next in this series? 1, 4, 10, 19, 31, _'''
* 36
* 48
* 46
* Don't know / don't care / dislike this q
'''Gender roles ...'''
* Exist for good reason - Should not be questioned.
* Are undergoing a [[Tomgirl pictures|refreshing redefinition.]]
* Are irrelevant, outdated and unnecessary.
'''What is your [[Mass debating|back-up plan]] if you can't find a date on a Friday night?'''
* Call up a friend, go see a movie
* Hit the town solo: you never know what will happen
* Self-improvement: go to the gym or read a little
* Two words: drinking alone
'''Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?'''
* Yes
* No
* Only if no one is looking
'''Which is [[obesity|bigger]]?'''
* The earth
* The sun
'''To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love?'''
* Romantic
* Foolish
* Creepy

==2014 Answers==
{{main|OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile}}
In 2014, Chris provided new answers to hundreds of questions on his [[OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile|LevelUpKing profile]]. In the table below, Chris's answers are marked with an underline.

{| class="wikitable"
! Question
! Answers
! Explanation

|-
| Have you ever dated or been with an exotic dancer? ||
* Yes
* No
* Maybe
|| As far as I know or recall from how I was informed.
|-
| Do you think that masturbation is an acceptable practice? ||
* Yes.
* No, it is unhealthy.
* No, it is against my beliefs.
* No, it is both unhealthy and against my beliefs.
||
|-
| Were you born the same gender as you are now? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think it is important to be fluent in more than one language? ||
* Yes, absolutely.
* Yes, if possible.
* No, who cares?
* No, I expect others to speak my native language.
||
|-
| For people who are in exclusive relationships, is masturbation a form of infidelity? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine you are having sex with a partner, who begins to give you specific instructions on how to best provide satisfaction. Assuming there is no danger, would you follow these instructions? ||
* No. That would be the end of that encounter.
* No. I'd continue doing it my way.
* Yes, but I would be offended.
* Yes. I'd be greatful for the communication.
||
|-
| Drinking and driving can be kind of cool. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in dinosaurs? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you practice Hinduism? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you feel that having sex with someone you have known less than one year would be too soon? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you going to run away as soon as it is commitment time? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can people of color be racist? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you generally finish all of the food on your plate? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Or until I feel full.
|-
| Would you read a book just for fun? ||
* Yeah, I like to read.
* What, me read if I don't have to?
* If I have nothing better to do.
||
|-
| Does the idea of childbirth disgust you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe that courteous behavior, such as saying "thank you" or holding a door, is important even when the other person involved does not deserve it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Astronomy or astrology? ||
* Astronomy.
* Astrology.
||
|-
| Do you feel that animals are more important than humans? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you be comfortable masturbating in front of a partner? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't masturbate.
||
Only upon private, in person request from a woman.
|-
| Do you enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, hiking or fishing? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you watch a porno movie with your ideal match? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Upon request.
|-
| Which do you prefer in a significant other, generally speaking? ||
* Dominance/Aggression
* Submission/Shyness
* A little of both, depending on the situation
||
|-
| Do you enjoy exercise? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like reading tabloids? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Meh; only the fronts of them if caught my eye.
|-
| Do you freak out when you get a little upset? (i.e scream, yell and cry) ||
* Yes
* No
* Only when no one is around
* Only when someone is around
||
|-
| Is it wrong to watch pornographic films if you're in a relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are sex and intimacy the same thing? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you care whether or not humanity survives beyond your own lifetime? ||
* Yes. I hope it does.
* Yes. I hope it does not.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a virgin? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you tend to blow off your responsibilities? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are geeks sexy? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If a date were to give you a gift, which would you rather receive? ||
* Flowers.
* A box of chocolates.
* A carton of cigarettes.
* A creative item made by them.
||
|-
| Do you loathe or tremendously dislike most of the people you encounter? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that one week prior to your birthday, you receive a package from a friend. It is clearly labeled, "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOUR BIRTHDAY!" Do you wait as instructed before opening it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you try to draw attention to your body by wearing seductive clothing? ||
* Yes
* [[Tomgirl Pictures|No]]
||
I'm not sure.
|-
| Do you subscribe to polytheistic beliefs? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would it ever be okay to break up with someone by email or text? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only if no one is looking
||
|-
| Do you have time for a committed relationship in your life at this point? ||
* Yes, absolutely
* Probably not
* No
||
|-
| Do you find that extremely intelligent people are intimidating? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you knew with certainty that you could go to a wonderful afterlife and everything would be fantastic, would you kill yourself? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you believe that there exists a statistical correlation between race and intelligence? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of the following broad gender descriptions are you most attracted to? ||
* Femininity.
* Masculinity.
* Androgeny.
* No preference.
||
|-
| As an adult, have you ever been single for more than a year straight? ||
* [[Love Quest|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Do you say 'Thank you' to wait staff when served in a restaurant? ||
* Always.
* Most of the time.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to engage in mutual masturbation with someone? You would be pleasing yourself and watching them do the same, but no touching each other. ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Only with a woman.
|-
| Do you spend more money on clothes or food? ||
* Clothes
* Food
||
|-
| Are you squeamish about sharing food or beverages with the person you're dating? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only at first
||
|-
| Did you join OkCupid just so you could find people to have sex with? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are some sex acts with consenting adults inherently wrong or immoral? Assume no unusual risk of injury. ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Someone has deep feelings for you. Might you abuse this love purely for sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you the type of person to tell a homeless person to get a job? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that your partner has a horrible accident and is left in a coma and on life support. The odds of improvement are nil. Your partner's living will states that life support should be removed in this scenario. Which would you do? ||
* Remove the life support immediately.
* Follow proper procedures to get it removed.
* Walk away and let others decide.
* Fight to keep partner alive.
||
|-
| Sexually explicit art or song lyrics should be ||
* Embraced as an art form
* Accepted as free expression
* Censored to protect society
||
|-
| Have you ever participated in a high school or college marching band? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Both.
||
|-
| Would you ever seriously date someone twice your age? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do wild places such as mountains, rivers and forests call out to you? ||
* [[A Hike|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think people living in rural areas are more ignorant, on average, than city folks? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What would you do if your partner reveals to you that she/he was raped in the past? ||
* Freak out, grow apart, and eventually leave them
* Sympathize and make the relationship grow stronger
* Ask them to stop living in the past
* Thank them for sharing the secret
||
|-
| Have you made fun of anyone recently, knowing that it probably upset them? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ever engage in a sexual activity you didn't enjoy, just because your partner did? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you date someone who has genital herpes? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you saw a really fantastic magic trick performed, would you want to know the secret behind how it was done? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do overweight people annoy you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ever consider cutting a partner (who asked for it) in sexual play? ||
* Yes
* Maybe
* No
||
|-
| How important is it for you to give expensive gifts on a regular basis when in a relationship? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| You are more likely to have an orgasm via ||
* Intercourse
* Oral sex
* Masturbation
* Sheer force of will
||
|-
| BDSM: Without looking it up, do you know exactly what it stands for? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would it bother you if someone you were dating let a dog lick their face? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer to have one true love forever, or lots of fun and meaningful relationships? ||
* One true love
* Lots of relationships
||
|-
| Do you like the taste of blood? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you borrowed a car with a handicapped plate/tag/sticker, but you were not handicapped, would you take advantage and park in a designated handicapped spot? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is making fun of someone for being thin any different from making fun of someone for being fat? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine your first face-to-face meeting with someone you met online has just gone well, but lacked the spark of your prior online contact. Would you want a second meeting? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if they suggested it.
||
I prefer to meet in person Immedtately or ASAP.
|-
| Could you date someone who used anti-depressants? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of the following would you most expect to determine from a first date? ||
* Sexual compatibility.
* Emotional compatibility.
* Spiritual compatibility.
* Financial compatibility.
||
|-
| When you're not in a serious relationship, what do you prefer? ||
* Dating multiple people at once
* Dating one person at a time
* I only have serious relationships; I don't 'date'
||
|-
| You are unloading the dishwasher. You remove an item that seems entirely clean, except for one long hair caked to the surface of it. What do you do? ||
* Wash the item by hand.
* Put the item back in the dishwasher.
* Scrape the hair off and put the item away.
* Leave the hair there and put the item away.
||
|-
| Have you ever written a screenplay or stage play? ||
* Yes, both.
* No, neither.
* Screenplay only.
* Stage play only.
||
|-
| Your cell phone rings while you are having a conversation with a friend. You: ||
* Take the call.
* Ignore the call.
* See who's calling and decide if you'll answer.
* I don't have a cell phone.
||
|-
| Can overweight people still be sexy? ||
* Always
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Right this minute, how clean is your main personal bathroom, (say the one you use every morning when you wake up in your own bed)? ||
* Spotless, shiny, germ-free, clean clean clean.
* Clean-ish but could use a quick touch-up.
* Not awful, but it could use a good cleaning.
* Disgusting! even I cringe when I have to use it!
||
|-
| How many pictures of family and friends do you carry with you in your purse or wallet? ||
* 10 or more.
* 1 to 10.
* None.
* I don't carry a wallet or purse.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who kept a gun in the house? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do most politicians really want to make the world a better place? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe you have the right to forbid your significant other anything? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you careful with your money? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you annoyed by people who are super logical? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I would get annoyed only if they boast about it a lot.
|-
| What is worse, being poor or alone? ||
* Poor
* Alone
||
|-
| I talk about my previous relationships: ||
* All the time
* Occasionally
* Almost never, unless explicitly asked about them.
* Never, even if explicitly asked about them.
||
|-
| Are you allergic to cats? ||
* No
* Slightly, but that doesn't keep us apart.
* Yes, but anti-histamines solve that problem.
* Yes. I keep my distance from them.
||
|-
| No means NO! ||
* Always. Period.
* Mostly, occasionally it's really a Yes in disguise
* A No is just a Yes that needs a little convincing!
* Never, they all want me. They just don't know it.
||
|-
| Are military uniforms a turn on? ||
* Yes
* No
* I wear one to work
||
|-
| Do you currently grow any of your own food? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How many books do you own? ||
* Less than 5
* 5-25
* 25-50
* 50+
||
|-
| Would you date someone who states up front that they will never be willing to go dancing? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| On weekends / days off, do you like to get out and make the most of the day, or do you prefer to sleep late and relax? ||
* Get up and do something
* Sleep late and relax
* It varies
||
|-
| Watching cartoons as an adult is...? ||
* Pathetic
* Cool
* I don't care either way / Not sure
||
|-
| Are you smarter than all your friends? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I am not sure, and I do not know Everything.
|-
| Is it possible for someone to really be 'too nice'? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How many times would a person have to turn you down before you took the hint? ||
* Just the once.
* I like to try a few times just to make sure.
* After the 10th time I call it quits.
* I'm relentless!
||
Tell Me Direct and Loud.
|-
| If someone intentionally damaged your property, would you be more likely to call the police, or to fight them? ||
* Call the police
* Fight them
||
But hesitant; f***ing hate the Jerkops.
|-
| Which of the following do you consider to be the best explanation for the existence of human life on Earth? ||
* Humans evolved from other species.
* Humans were created by a higher power.
* Humans were brought to Earth from the stars.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date someone with ADD (attention deficit disorder)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't know
||
|-
| Did you ever take a class in school just because you heard the person you liked was taking it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If it comes to having children, would you prefer to adopt or to be one of the biological parents? ||
* I would rather be one of the biological parents.
* I would rather adopt.
* Either would be equally fine.
* Neither - I'd prefer to not have children at all.
||
|-
| If you don't do anything at all for an entire day, how does that make you feel? ||
* Good
* Bad
||
|-
| Should only those who pay taxes be allowed to vote? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Voting power should be proportional to taxes paid.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Which of the following "solutions" do you think would provide the biggest reduction in crime rates? ||
* More and better trained police
* More and better armed civilians
* More and better implemented social programs
* More severe punishment for convicted criminals
||
|-
| What's more important to you? ||
* Your world
* Your country
||
|-
| Would you be comfortable being poor for the rest of your life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you forget plans, meetings, things to do...the garbage, etc? ||
* Never
* Quite Often
* Once in a while
||
|-
| While shopping at a superstore (e.g. Wal-Mart, Target, etc.), if you change your mind about buying something you've picked up, do you walk back to where you found it to put it back? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who does not know how to read? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could you date someone who was really quiet? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you usually wash your hands before every meal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine you are given $1,000,000 and told you must give it to one of the following political causes. Where do you donate the money? ||
* Right to free speech.
* Right to bear arms.
* Pro-choice causes.
* Anti-abortion causes.
||
|-
| If you turn a left-handed glove inside out, it fits... ||
* On my left hand
* On my right hand
||
|-
| Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How do you eat your cupcake? ||
* Always start with frosting
* Always starts with the cake
* I don't have a consistent way of eating a cupcake
||
|-
| Do you believe that money can buy happiness? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you dump someone simply because they weren't good at sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that it's your first date with someone you are very interested in. Which of the following works best for you? ||
* I'd meet them at a mutually decided location.
* I'd have them pick me up at my place.
* I'd pick them up at their place.
* It doesn't matter.
||
|-
| What volume level do you usually prefer when listening to music? ||
* Loud or louder.
* Somewhere in the middle.
* Soft and in the background.
* I prefer to not listen to music.
||
|-
| A bird has built a nest on your house or garage. Do you knock it down? ||
* Yes, I'm scared of birds
* Yes, for some other reason or no reason at all
* No, what's the big deal?
* No, and I hang a feeder 20 feet away
||
|-
| Do you usually feel the need to shower or bathe after having sex? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never had sex.
||
|-
| You stop to pick up a newspaper and notice that the coin-operated dispenser was not completely closed. No one is around so you have the opportunity to take a paper without paying. Which of the following would you do? ||
* Pay for a paper and close the dispenser.
* Steal a paper and close the dispenser.
* Steal a paper and leave the dispenser open.
* Steal all of the remaining papers.
||
|-
| STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to... ||
* 89457
* 98547
* 89754
* 89547
||
|-
| Upon leaving a store, you realize you were not charged for an expensive item. Which would you do? ||
* Go back and offer to pay.
* Nothing, it was their mistake.
* Attempt to return the item for a full cash refund.
||
|-
| Has anyone ever pressured you to marry them and failed? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
No proprosal ever.
|-
| In your ideal sexual encounter, do you take control, or do they? ||
* I take control
* They take control
||
|-
| Should the recipient give back an engagement ring if the engagement is broken off? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if the recipient initiates the break up.
||
|-
| How often should your significant other buy you gifts, jewelry, or other things more expensive than, say, dinner, cards, or flowers? ||
* Very frequently.
* From time to time.
* On special occasions (birthdays, Christmas, etc.).
* Never.
||
|-
| Parlez-vous français? ||
* Yes
* No
* What?
* Oui, je fais
||
|-
| If you had the opportunity to join the first manned mission to Mars but in exchange would never see earth again, would you do it? ||
* Of course, let's bring mankind to glory.
* Yes, there is nothing here that holds me.
* No, I'm not interested in space.
* No, I'd miss my life/my family/my planet too much
||
|-
| Would you be happy raising the kids while your spouse worked? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How do you feel about kids? ||
* Kids are precious - they love me and I love them!
* They're okay, but keep the unruly ones at bay.
* God, how revolting. *shudder*
* I'm indifferent.
||
|-
| Which of the following types of toys did you generally like best when you were about eight years old? ||
* Creative / building toys.
* Action figures, dolls, or model vehicles.
* Stuffed animals.
* Balls, frisbees, or other sporting goods.
||
|-
| Would the fact that a partner insisted you were perfect (had no faults) and refused to acknowledge your shortcomings, bother you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
NOBODY IS EVER PERFECT.
|-
| You're in bed, spooning behind your partner. Where would your hand(s) most likely be? ||
* Partner's stomach.
* Partner's genitalia.
* Partner's chest / breast / heart.
* I don't spoon - I only fork.
||
|-
| Your significant other is traveling and has the opportunity to stay with a good friend that you know they find to be very attractive. What's your stance on the situation? ||
* It would be totally unacceptable.
* It might be ok, but I'd want to discuss it first.
* It's fine - I don't see any problem.
* It sounds sexy - Hopefully they'll hook up.
||
|-
| Do you believe that heterosexual pornography is degrading to women? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Some is - Some isn't.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| If a blind date used a coupon while paying for dinner, how would you feel? ||
* Negative. That's tacky/cheap.
* Positive. Very sensible.
* I don't care either way.
||
|-
| Do you have a problem with racist jokes? ||
* Yes
* [[Barack Obama#White House gag|No]]
||
|-
| Does it bother you when people sing the wrong words to a popular song? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How much do you procrastinate? ||
* Lots
* Some
* Not so much
* Never
||
|-
| Are you more of a fast or careful talker? ||
* Fast
* [[Speech impediment|Careful]]
||
|-
| Have you ever used a fake ID to do or acquire something you were legally barred from as a result of your age? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you rather be the one to search out your match on OkCupid or have your match find you? ||
* I'd prefer to do the searching.
* [[Attraction sign|I'd prefer that someone find me.]]
||
|-
| How do you feel about putting children on leashes? ||
* I do not approve of this.
* I approve of this.
* I might approve under special circumtances.
* I could not care less.
||
|-
| Do you feel a need to own the most up-to-date electronic gadgets? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you like to argue? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What's worse on a first date? ||
* No physical attraction
* Nothing to talk about
||
|-
| Which of the following would you rather discuss with someone you just met? ||
* Musical preferences.
* Political beliefs.
* Philosophical beliefs.
* Sports.
||
|-
| Do you like to watch the Olympic Games? ||
* Yes, as much as possible.
* No, they do not interest me.
* I only watch certain events.
* I only watch athletes from my country.
||
|-
| Do you examine the nutritional information for the food you buy in stores? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| When you are at the movies with your date or your friends, how much talking does it take to make you upset? ||
* No talking allowed upon the start of the film
* Talking during and usually about the trailers
* Little comments during the movie.
* Constant chatter, to you, others, or a cell phone
||
|-
| Your significant other's ex is coming into town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react? ||
* Sure, no problem.
* Not thrilled, but go ahead.
* No way.
||
|-
| Do you attempt to conserve water, energy or other resources during your everyday life? ||
* Yes, almost always
* Sometimes
* No, I don't care
* No, it's my right to waste as much as I want
||
|-
| You come home and discover that somebody's broken into your house, and they're still inside. You... ||
* Find the handiest weapon and confront them
* Call the police and let them handle it
* Spy on them from up the street, see where they go
* Hurry to a neighbor's and get their help.
||
|-
| Do you feel the urge to correct people who say stupid things? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you enjoy watching educational programming on television? ||
* Yes, often.
* Yes, on occasion.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Imagine on your birthday you receive three books. One is a religious text. One is a scientific text. One is a novel. Without knowing anything more about the topics or authors, which do you think you would enjoy the most? ||
* The religious text.
* The scientific text.
* The novel.
* I don't think I would enjoy any of them.
||
|-
| Do you stop to enjoy simple things in nature? ||
* Often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Have you ever traded a lover sexual favors for something you wanted? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which biological parent should have legal decision-making power in abortion decisions? ||
* The mother.
* The father.
* Both.
* Neither.
||
|-
| Are some of your best friends people you met or know online? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Having met In Person.
|-
| Do you read the news most days? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does fashion matter to you? ||
* A lot
* A little
* Not at all
||
|-
| Is a welfare system a good idea? Or does taxing for it just take money away from hard-working people who earned it? ||
* Welfare is mostly good
* Welfare is mostly bad
||
|-
| If your partner needed lovemaking to always be gentle, would you be fine with this? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is love overrated? ||
* Yes, absolutely.
* Yes, a bit.
* No, it's fine.
* No, it's underrated.
||
|-
| Do you think that western medicine is better than alternative medicine (such as chiropractic, massage, naturopathy, herbology)? ||
* Yes
* No, they are both valid.
* No, Western medicine is too invasive
* I don't know
||
|-
| Ideally, what portion of your total hobbies and other recreational activities would you like to share as common with a partner? ||
* All.
* None.
* Up to one-half.
* More than one-half.
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who generally does not eat vegetables? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which method do you most often use to acquire products from stores? ||
* I usually pay with cash.
* I usually pay with a check or debit card.
* I usually pay with credit or a credit card.
* I usually steal products rather than pay for them.
||
|-
| When you're alone, do you talk to yourself out loud? ||
* Yes, always.
* Yes, sometimes.
* Yes, but only rarely.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Would you ever picket a business that you do not approve of? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you like to dance? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Karaoke? ||
* Absolutely!
* I haven't, but I might try it.
* I'd be too embarrassed.
* No way! How could that be any fun?
||
|-
| How often do you (or would you) call in sick to work or school when you are not actually ill? ||
* Never.
* Once, twice, or three times per year.
* Four to ten times per year.
* More than ten times per year.
||
|-
| Which superpower would you rather have? ||
* Flight
* Invisibility
||
|-
| Is there any genre of music that you completely refuse to listen to? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't listen to music.
||
|-
| Do you play any musical instruments? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You've been chatting with someone and are hitting it off. They e-mail you nude pictures of themselves. What's your reaction? ||
* Very negative
* Sort of negative
* Sort of positive
* Very positive, maybe even send nudes back
||
|-
| Could you date someone who loved you with all their heart, and whom you liked a lot, but who was terrible in bed? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Would you be willing to lie on a job resume or application if you thought it would get you the job and you were sure you wouldn't get caught? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever asked a stranger if you could have a cigarette? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How does your maturity level compare with most people your age? ||
* I'm more mature
* I'm average
* I'm less mature
||
|-
| Do you mock religion? ||
* Yes, openly
* Yes, to myself/with friends
* No
||
|-
| Do you dress up for Halloween almost every year? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Does your culture/ethnicity/race play a large role in your identity? ||
* It plays a crucial part in who I am
* It's interesting, but not really
* Who I am is completely independent of my heritage
* I'm adopted
||
|-
| What's your relationship with marijuana? ||
* I smoke regularly.
* I smoke occasionally.
* I smoked in the past, but no longer.
* Never.
||
|-
| How familiar are you with the methods OkCupid uses to match people? ||
* Very familiar.
* Somewhat familiar.
* Not familiar.
||
|-
| Do you ever get inspired to make something creative for no reason in particular? ||
* Very Often
* Rarely / Never
* Sometimes
||
|-
| The first time you have stayed over with a new Lover, how would you like them to wake you up? ||
* With tea and toast
* With a Champagne cocktail
* With words
* With oral sex
||
|-
| Were you born in the United States? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Movies are best enjoyed... ||
* ...in the theater, with friends.
* ...on DVD, with extra scenes.
* ...on television, with commercials.
* ...not at all. I don't like movies.
||
|-
| Which word describes you better? ||
* Private
* Social
||
|-
| In an ideal world, who would get the highest priority in your life? ||
* My parents.
* My children.
* My significant other.
* Myself.
||
My Family and my closest ones.
|-
| Are politics interesting? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Have you ever donated your money or your time to a political campaign or political organization? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which size bed do you prefer? ||
* Twin (Single).
* Full (Double).
* Queen.
* King or larger.
||
|-
| Are you familiar with the concept of 'sexuality continuum'? ||
* Yes - I basically agree with it.
* Yes - I basically disagree with it.
* No - I am not familiar with this idea.
||
|-
| Do superficial people, who place a high emphasis on physical appearance, annoy you? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| If someone murdered a close friend of yours, would you hope for the death penalty? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
Devastate their Soul for Destroying Mine from Emotional Tortures!
|-
| Do you prefer? ||
* Slim Men/Women
* Average Men/Women
* Fuller Figured Men/Women
* I Don't Care/Not Fussy
||
|-
| How organized are the files on your computer? ||
* Very - Many Folders and Subfolders
* Somewhat - I can find most things
* Scattered - Everything thrown together
||
|-
| Which best describes the extent of your knowledge in terms of breadth and depth? ||
* I have very deep knowlege of a narrow area.
* I know a little about almost everything.
* I know a lot about a lot.
* I am basically stupid.
||
But I do not know Everything; nobody knows Everything, nor are "perfect".
|-
| Are you generally able to forgive and forget? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It really depends on the circumstances.
* I can forgive, but I never forget.
||
|-
| Are you an insomniac? ||
* Yes
* No
* Occasionally
||
|-
| Orgasms are clearly the most important part of sex. ||
* I agree.
* I disagree.
||
The journey there is most enjoyable.
|-
| Are you too embarrassed to sing along to the radio in the car when there's someone with you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends on who is with me.
||
|-
| How often do you find yourself holding back your knowledge of a subject because of how it might affect your image? ||
* Very often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you like to listen to audiobooks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never tried them.
||
|-
| Do you believe your country would be more or less safe if every adult owned a gun? ||
* More safe
* Less safe
* Neither / unsure
||
|-
| Rivalry! Red Sox or Yankees? ||
* Sox!
* Yanks!
* Both suck.
* Baseball sucks.
||
Can't I choose "Both are good for all I know "?
|-
| A first date has gone relatively well so far. You discover that your date has absolutely no awareness of any significant current affairs from the last month. How might this make you feel? ||
* Disappointed.
* Indifferent.
* Pleased.
||
|-
| How often do you find yourself becoming annoyed because other people just don't seem to understand the obvious? ||
* All of the time.
* Frequently.
* Once in a while.
* Never.
||
People on the internet don't understand me at all; they hardly gave me an in-person chance.
|-
| When you see a heterosexual couple, what do you think if the female is taller? ||
* They look wrong together.
* I actually like it that way.
* Interesting, but it really doesn't matter.
* Who cares?
||
|-
| Would it bother you if your partner kept pictures of previous partner(s)? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine while on a first date, your date brings up a controversial political issue that you feel strongly about. Before you can respond, they apologize and try to change the subject without revealing anything about their opinion. Which would you do? ||
* Give my opinion anyway.
* Try to find out their opinion.
* Both of the above.
* Go along with the subject change.
||
|-
| People consider me to be 'a loner'. ||
* True - Everyone thinks this of me.
* It's probable that many think this of me.
* It's possible that a few may think this of me.
* False - Nobody would ever think this of me.
||
|-
| Have you ever tried Yoga? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in God? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you an adventurous eater? Do you like to try new foods and ethnic cuisines? ||
* Yes, all the time.
* Yes, if it's not too strange.
* On rare occasions/I don't know.
* No, yuck.
||
|-
| Which pubic hair style do you prefer for a partner? ||
* Natural.
* Neatly trimmed.
* Completely shaven.
* It doesn't matter.
||
|-
| If an acquaintance mentioned something negative about a person you just met who otherwise seemed nice, how open would you be to give the person you just met a chance? ||
* Very open.
* Somewhat open, I'd be very cautious.
* There would be no chance for this person.
||
|-
| What is the worst personality trait someone can have? ||
* Arrogance
* Being boring
* Immaturity
* No sense of humor
||
|-
| Most claims of sexual harrassment in the workplace are LIES made up by a scorned woman. ||
* True
* False
* I don't know
||
|-
| Imagine you are on a first date and accidentally discover your date is packing condoms. Which would be closest to your reaction? ||
* I'd tease them about it.
* I'd acknowledge it, but politely.
* I'd pretend I didn't see it.
* I'd end the date.
||
|-
| In a relationship, who do you prefer to be taller? ||
* I like to be taller.
* I like my partner to be taller.
* I like us to be about the same height.
* It doesn't matter to me.
||
|-
| Let's say you ask your partner a question and know with certaintly that their answer is a lie, what do you do about it? ||
* Ignore it.
* Discreetly probe for more information.
* Call them out and see where it goes.
* Terminate the relationship, effective immediately.
||
|-
| What size party would you prefer to attend? ||
* Just a few close friends.
* 5-20 people.
* 20-100 people.
* More than 100 people.
||
|-
| How long would you have to talk to someone online before you felt comfortable to meet? ||
* I'd meet right away if their profile were cool
* A few days
* A few weeks
* A few months [or never]
||
|-
| Could you date someone who has strong political opinions that are the exact opposite of yours? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of the following types of intelligence do you most value? ||
* Logical / Mathematical
* Social / Interpersonal
* Visual / Spatial / Artistic
||
|-
| Do you enjoy chatting on the phone with your friends? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How does the idea of being slapped hard in the face during sex make you feel? ||
* Horrified
* Aroused
* Nostalgic
* Indifferent
||
|-
| Would you do something outrageous, stupid or adventurous simply because it would make a good story to tell later? (Assume there would be no serious consequences to your actions.) ||
* Yes, whenever possible.
* Yes, but nothing too crazy.
* Maybe, depends on what and who with.
* No, and please don't run with scissors.
||
|-
| Would you consider roleplaying out a rape fantasy with partner who asked you to? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which would you prefer your ideal match to be more into? ||
* Sports
* Books
* Music
* Movies
||
|-
| How often were you picked on by other kids your age when you were growing up? ||
* Very often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Pick the lowest of the following distances between you and a partner that would satisfy your personal definition of a "long-distance relationship". ||
* 10 miles (16 km).
* 50 miles (80 km).
* 100 miles (160 km).
* 300 miles (480 km) or more.
||
|-
| In a relationship, how important is it for you to be in control? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| Have you ever quit a job without giving at least a week notice? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you had to pick one of the following locations for a first date, which would be most appealing? ||
* An amusement park.
* A restaraunt.
* A bar or lounge.
* A city, state, or national park.
||
|-
| How often do you read before going to sleep? ||
* Always.
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| How much would you enjoy hosting a big, crazy party? ||
* A lot
* Not that much
* Not at all
||
|-
| Imagine you are in a serious long-term relationship and have decided it is best to break it off. Just before you can tell your partner, he or she gives you the following news: "I have been diagnosed with cancer and probably only have one year to live." ||
* I'd still break it off as planned.
* I'd stay with my partner and never mention it.
* I'd reconsider, but eventually discuss it.
||
|-
| If asked, would you share the password to your email account with a significant other? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever been a member of an organization like Girl Scouts, Girl Guides, Boy Scouts, or Campfire? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You walk out of your home first thing in the morning, late for work and in a serious hurry because you greatly enjoy your job and don't want to lose it. At the same time, a bird with a broken wing is struggling in some bushes nearby. What do you do? ||
* Keep moving - sorry bird, I gotta roll.
* Stop and do what you can to help.
* Kill it - put it out of its misery.
* Keep moving, but feel bad about it.
||
|-
| Who are you more worried about disappointing? ||
* God
* My family or friends
* Myself
* I don't worry about such things
||
|-
| Could you imagine yourself killing someone? ||
* Yes
* [[Death threats|No]]
||
|-
| Roughly how many books have you read in the past year? ||
* Less than five
* Between five and fifteen
* Between sixteen and fifty
* Fifty or more
||
|-
| Do you think most people are lonely? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you enjoy meaningless sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If it were legal to do so where you live, would you smoke marijuana? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When I go out to eat, I go to [[McDonalds|a large chain restaurant]]: ||
* Exclusively
* Sometimes
* Once in a while
* Never
||
|-
| Are you physically strong? ||
* [[I AM STRONG|Yes, very]]
* Average
* No, not really
||
|-
| How important are your political beliefs to you? ||
* Very important
* Somewhat important
* A little important
* Not at all important
||
|-
| Does violence ever solve anything? ||
* Yes, everything
* [[Death threats|No, violence solves nothing]]
* Most of the time
* Almost never, but sometimes
||
|-
| Are you a beer snob? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not usually, but some beers I won't touch.
* I don't drink.
||
|-
| Do you care about other people's suffering? ||
* Yes, solidarity is important
* No, everyone has their own responsibility
* It depends on the kind of suffering
||
|-
| About how long do you want your next relationship to last? ||
* One night
* A few months to a year
* Several years
* The rest of my life
||
|-
| Do you think men who are sitting down should stand up when a woman comes to the table/enters the room? ||
* Yes / Usually
* No / Not usually
||
|-
| How much do you go "clubbing" (out dancing in bars)? ||
* Lots
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who had spent considerable time in a mental health facility? (i.e. mental hospital/institution.) ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Which olfactory strategy would you prefer a partner take when on a date with you? ||
* Perfume / aftershave / cologne.
* Antiperspirant or subtle deodorant only.
* Clean and natural.
* Sweatiness is Godliness.
||
|-
| If someone you barely knew asked you how many people you'd had sex with, would you answer? ||
* [[Honest Content|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Which is the smallest amount of money you would stop to pick up if you saw it laying in the street? ||
* Penny
* Nickel
* Dime
* A quarter or more.
||
|-
| Has anyone ever written you a romantic poem? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you ready to settle down and get married right now? ||
* Absolutely.
* No way.
* Get married yes, settle down no.
* Get married no, settle down yes.
||
|-
| Does it bother you when people say "PIN number" or "ATM machine"? ||
* Yes!
* Well, a little
* Nope, but I see why you're asking
* Why would it?
||
|-
| Do you write down important dates and appointments on a calendar? ||
* Yes
* No
* Occasionally
||
|-
| Do you (or would you) like to go hunting? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? ||
* Always.
* [[Biological clock|Frequently.]]
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| When having sex, do you like to have your hair pulled? ||
* Yes, and hard!
* Yes, but gently.
* No way.
* Don't know / Not sure.
||
|-
| Do you often feel victimized by people you consider friends? ||
* Yes, often.
* Once in a while.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Have you ever seen your bestfriend naked? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you discovered a spider on the wall in your bedroom, which would you do? ||
* Ignore it.
* Kill it.
* Catch it and put it outside.
* Find someone else to deal with it.
||
|-
| Do you usually wear cologne or perfume? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like wild parties? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you rather play Scrabble, go out dancing, or get drunk? ||
* Scrabble
* Dancing
* Booze
||
|-
| Have you ever talked your way out of a traffic ticket? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If a partner asked you to have sex in a sex shop booth with others watching, would you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
|-
| Would you like to receive pain during sex? ||
* Yes, lots and lots
* Yes, some
* No
||
|-
| If you were to die, would whoever goes through your personal belongings be shocked by what they find? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe a little bit.
||
|-
| Would you terminate a pregnancy if the baby was going to be mentally disabled? ||
* Yes
* No
* It depends on the severity
||
|-
| Should burning your country's flag be illegal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What do you think about people who watch movies purely for the point of making fun of them? ||
* That's so much fun!
* That sounds pretty lame.
* I don't do it but I suppose it could be fun.
* I hate that. If you don't like it, don't watch it!
||
|-
| Would you consider dating a vegetarian or vegan? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only if they don't push their diet on me
||
|-
| How important is it for you to make physical contact when showing affection for someone? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Do you believe that it is possible to experience romantic love for more than one person at a time without loving one less because of your love for the other? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| If you were to get married, would you want your partner to change his or her last name to yours? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I would want them to make their own decision.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider a relationship where you would take on an exclusive sexual role as master or slave? ||
* Yes, as the master only.
* Yes, as the slave only.
* Yes, as the master or the slave.
* No.
||
|-
| Would it bother you if a date made gender-biased remarks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if they were inaccurate.
||
|-
| Would you go out with a smoker? ||
* Yes
* Yes, but only an occasional/social smoker
* No
||
|-
| When it comes to travel, which do you prefer, trains, planes, or automobiles? ||
* Trains.
* Planes.
* Automobiles.
* I don't have a favorite.
||
|-
| Do you bring up STD results/risk factors before you start fooling around? ||
* No, not usually
* Only when I suspect there might be risk involved
* Not always, but I always use condoms/barriers
* Always.
||
|-
| Do you keep a budget (of your finances)? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Which are you MORE of? ||
* Talented
* Hardworking
||
|-
| Do you litter? ||
* Often
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Would you prefer to drive a car with a manual shift or an automatic transmission? ||
* Manual.
* Automatic.
* It depends on the car or on the situation.
* It makes no difference to me.
||
|-
| If you could have brilliant skill at something, would you prefer: ||
* something practical?
* something fun?
||
|-
| Typically, what kind of fan are you at sporting events? ||
* I sit quietly and enjoy the game.
* I cheer loudly to rally my team and fans.
* I yell obsenities at the other team and fans.
* I'm not a sports fan.
||
|-
| In terms of sex, how experienced would your ideal mate be (with people other than you)? ||
* Innocent (Virgin)
* Slightly Experienced
* Moderately Experienced
* Very Experienced
||
|-
| Have you ever lived outside the country of your citizenship for a single period that exceeds three months? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you be interested in visiting an Intelligent-Design theme park, where dinosaurs and humans are portrayed as having coexisted? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe in an afterlife/life after death/resurrection? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| You and a friend take out a board game, and you realize that the pieces are missing. How do you feel about substituting with things like small cookies, toys, coins, etc.? ||
* Let's play!
* As long as they aren't messy / indistinguishable.
* No. We need to recover / purchase the real pieces.
* I wouldn't even be playing board games.
||
|-
| How important is it to be able to 'agree to disagree'? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Is it possible to love someone you don't even like? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Death is: ||
* A biological phenomenon.
* A spiritual progression.
* Just a fact of life.
* [[Chris and death|We won't know until we die & then still might not.]]
||
|-
| You get married. Five years later, you realize it was a mistake. Discussion and counseling haven't made a difference. You just don't love your partner anymore. He/she still loves you. You decide to: ||
* Keep trying. Marriage means commitment.
* Get a divorce. It'll be better for both of you.
||
|-
| Would you develop a new hobby/cultivate a new interest just to have something in common with your partner? ||
* Sure, it's good to do stuff together
* No, we should maintain our own identities
* Maybe, but only if it seemed cool
||
|-
| Are you better looking than most people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA)? ||
* No
* No, but sounds interesting.
* Yes
||
|-
| Do you listen to podcasts? ||
* Yes, frequently.
* Yes, once in a while.
* No.
||
|-
| Is it logically inconsistent to support the death penalty but oppose abortion? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a "regular" at any bar, coffee shop or restaurant? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you ever spit on the ground, in public? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of these most closely matches your definition of "Honesty"? ||
* Telling the complete truth.
* Not telling any lies.
* Not being misleading.
* None of the above are close.
||
|-
| You are offered a choice of free training in Martial Arts or Cooking. Which do you take? ||
* Martial Arts
* Cooking
||
|-
| What is your opinion of sarcasm? ||
* I like it or love it.
* It's okay.
* Sarcasm is formulaic and lame.
||
|-
| Have you ever taken free furniture somebody else left at the side of the road for use in your home? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How spicy do you like your spicy food? ||
* I like it extremely spicy.
* I like it hot.
* I like it a little spicy.
* I prefer it be mild.
||
|-
| Which of the following learning approaches would you prefer? ||
* Doing and figuring it out myself.
* Watching someone else do it.
* Listening to someone explain how it's done.
* Reading about how it should be done.
||
|-
| Imagine that you and your partner cannot agree on the choice of music. If you were driving and your partner a passenger, how should the music be chosen? ||
* I would play the music I like.
* I would allow my partner to choose the music.
* We should take turns choosing the music.
* It would be best to keep the stereo off.
||
|-
| Would being in the same room with a couple of friends who are having sex bother you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Depends
|-
| Should convicted child molesters have to put up signs in their yards saying what they did? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When in a relationship, what importance do you place upon celebrating weekly or monthly anniversaries? ||
* High.
* Moderate.
* Low.
* None.
||
|-
| Do you have a hard time feeling happy when people around you are sad or upset? ||
* Yes
* Sometimes
* No
||
|-
| Choose the better romantic activity: ||
* Kissing in Paris
* Kissing in a tent, in the woods
||
|-
| Do you enjoy Rap/Hip-Hop? ||
* [[Category:Yo! CWC Raps|Yes]]
* No
* Some
||
|-
| Are you more horny or more lonely? ||
* Horny
* [[Love Quest|Lonely]]
||
|-
| When riding a bicycle, do you wear a helmet? ||
* Yes, all the time
* Yes, some of the time
* Rarely or never
* I don't ride bicycles
||
|-
| Do you enjoy gardening? ||
* Yes.
* [[Chores|No.]]
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| If a partner would not respond to your emotional needs unless you made them known verbally, would you have a problem with this? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you often find yourself worrying about things that you have no control over? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is already involved in an open or polyamorous relationship? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you rather live in the big city or a small town? ||
* Big city
* Small town
||
|-
| Can you name your two closest neighbours? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you likely to make long, friendly conversation with strangers? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have a favorite sports team that you really like to follow? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which would you rather be? ||
* Normal
* Weird
||
|-
| Do you find glasses on the opposite sex attractive? ||
* Yes
* No
* No Preference
||
|-
| Which would you rather master? ||
* art
* science
||
|-
| The fastest way to piss me off is to... ||
* disagree with a strong opinion of mine
* ignore me
* interrupt me
* indicate you dislike my friends
||
|-
| Do you own a record player? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do? ||
* I'm an information sponge
* Sometimes
* As long as it works, who cares why?
||
|-
| Which of the following types of video games do you like most? ||
* Role playing or strategy games.
* Sports or action games.
* Card or puzzle games.
* I dislike all of the above video game types.
||
Action games to be more specific; sports games vary to me (motion control on Playstation or Wii are good).
|-
| Would you date someone you weren't crazy about if they took you on cool dates? ||
* Yes
* No
||
But I would be honest of lack of interest, or give a chance for better decision (obese doesn't count ).
|-
| Do you put more weight in science or faith? ||
* Science
* Faith
* Equally in both
||
|-
| Is there a such thing as having had too many sex partners? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever written short fiction, other than for school assignments? ||
* No.
* I've tried, but never finished a story.
* I've finished at least one short story.
* I've written many short stories.
||
|-
| Do you iron your own clothes? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Regardless of where you grew up or now live, which of the following best describes the way you see yourself at heart? ||
* I am an urban or city person.
* I am a suburbanite.
* I am small town or country person.
||
|-
| If you were dating somebody that you met online, would you be reluctant to tell your friends? ||
* Yes, I would be reluctant.
* No, not at all.
* A little, but I would be honest with them.
||
I would not tell ANYONE else ON THE INTERNET OR ONLINE (Damn Trolls and Bullies; the Rage Comics Troll Face offends me very much).
|-
| Do you like to burn incense in your home? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never burnt incense in my home before.
||
|-
| Do you feel that you're usually at least one step ahead of most people you talk to? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you feel like you're still hurting from something that happened to you a long time ago? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever recited a poem that you did not write to someone as a means of expressing your mood or feelings? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is exposure to sexuality damaging to the minds of children? ||
* [[Chris and Censorship|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Would you date someone who was currently in a relationship, knowing that you would "be a secret?" ||
* Sure, why not?
* Depends on the person.
* Absolutely NOT.
||
|-
| When you hear the name Dylan what is the first to come to mind? ||
* Bob Dylan
* Dylan Thomas
* 90210
* Something or someone else / Nothing
||
|-
| Do you write poetry? ||
* [[Chris and writing#Chris as a poet and lyricist|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| What would you do if one of your favorite shirts lost a button? ||
* Have the button replaced.
* Wear the shirt without the button.
* Trash the shirt.
* Give the shirt to those less fortunate.
||
|-
| When you are angry or frustrated, do you ever throw, smash, kick, hit inanimate objects (non-living things)? ||
* Yes, frequently
* [[Chris and anger#Examples of Chris's anger|Sometimes]]
* Used to, but not any more
* Never
||
|-
| Should prostitution be legal? ||
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Yes, absolutely]]
* Yes, only if it were regulated
* I don't think so
* ABSOLUTELY NOT
||
Desperate times call for desperate measures; I feel pity for those that are so poor that they have to.
|-
| Do you believe in ghosts? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How do you feel about genetically modified foods? ||
* Fully approve
* Hesitant / more controls needed
* Opposed
* No opinion/ don't know
||
|-
| Should speech be... ||
* Completely free
* [[Chris and Censorship|Have some censorship]]
* Be very censored
* Only say what the dictator wants!
||
The exception being hate campaigns fabricated by Internet Trolls, Cyber-Bullies and corrupted police people (a.k.a. [[Jerkops]]).
|-
| How important to you is a potential match's sense of humor? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Are some human lives worth more than others? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| On a global scale, which do you believe provides the greater hindrance to world peace and unity? ||
* Economics.
* Religion.
||
|-
| Which type of wine would you prefer to drink outside of a meal, such as for leisure? ||
* White (such as Chardonnay, Riesling).
* Red (such as Merlot, Cabernet, Shiraz).
* Rosé (such as White Zinfindel).
* I don't drink wine.
||
|-
| Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Only if we needed a break from each other for a while.
|-
| If after years of being with a partner, you found out that they could not have children and would not be willing to adopt, would you want to stay with them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you believe that some people can see a person's soul, just by staring into their eyes for a few moments? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Anything is possible.
|-
| Do you think that wealthy nations have a responsibility to assist developing nations? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If someone asked you, "What's the worst thing you've ever done?" would you know the answer right away? ||
* [[Chris and remorse|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| When birds stand on power lines and don't get hurt, it's most likely because of: ||
* Good timing; they only land between calls
* Body materials that are insulated from current
* Not touching anything else at the same time
* They do get hurt; they just express it poorly
||
|-
| Are you really into Anime (Japanese Animation) movies? ||
* [[Anime|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| What portion of your friends are citizens of a country other than your own? ||
* All or most.
* Many.
* One, two or a few.
* None.
||
|-
| How good is your singing voice? ||
* Really awesome, actually
* [[Chris and music|Very good]]
* Okay
* Crappy
||
|-
| Do you believe that the global flood (Noah's ark) actually happened? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could you date someone who already has children from a previous relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which word describes you better? ||
* Carefree
* Intense
||
|-
| Do you like hickies? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you allow your partner to kiss you after performing oral sex on you? ||
* Allow? I enjoy it.
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends.
||
|-
| Imagine you have a significant other who reveals they have a video of a sexual encounter from a prior relationship and offers to show it to you. Would you want to see it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which do you prefer? ||
* Shower
* Bath
* It depends / Don't make me choose!
||
|-
| When sick, do you prefer the company of others or to be left alone? ||
* I prefer company.
* I prefer to be left alone.
||
|-
| Someone offers to give you $100 if you *don't* vote in the next national election. (for example, the US President) Do you take the money? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you date a person who had a large imperfection (ex: mole, birthmark, etc.)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| How often do you [[Mass debating|masturbate]]? ||
* Once a day or more
* A few times a week
* A few times a month
* A few times a year or less
||
|-
| How willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in person? ||
* Totally willing!
* Hesitant, but I'd certainly consider it.
* I'm not interested in meeting in person.
||
Must meet ASAP or Immediately
|-
| It's your first date with someone you recently met. At the end she/he says "I think I love you." ||
* Scary
* Sweet
||
|-
| Have you ever yelled at the TV while watching sports? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you store any of your physical possessions alphabetically? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you get upset if your girlfriend/boyfriend flirted in front of you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever fired a real gun? For this question, [[Megatron pistol|pellet/BB/Nerf/paintball weapons]] do not qualify. If so, which most closely describes the deadliest type you have fired? ||
* No.
* Rifle / carbine / pistol / shotgun.
* Machine gun / fully automatic / assault weapon.
* Tank gun / naval gun / anti-tank / other cannon.
||
|-
| Would you consider having a serious relationship with an active porn star? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color / racial background? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you marry someone for a reason other than love (e.g. money, citizenship, sex, fame)? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not sure / maybe
||
|-
| Could you have respect for someone after having sex with them on the first meeting/date? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe, depending upon the circumstances.
||
|-
| Does your partner have to be an active reader? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Breast implants? ||
* more cool than pathetic
* more pathetic than cool
||
It's their body.
|-
| How often do you [[Twitter|tweet]]? ||
* All the time
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is in the process of getting divorced? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you were really, really drunk, which of the following would you be more likely to do? ||
* Kiss someone.
* Hit someone.
* Complain to someone.
* I'm not sure / I've never been really drunk.
||
|-
| Have you ever tracked someone down just to apologize for something that you did years before? ||
* [[Chris and remorse|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| "Your a bitch!" ||
* The profanity
* The grammar
* They both bother me equally
* Neither one bothers me
||
|-
| Consciousness is... ||
* Biological - Brain, senses.
* Spiritual - Soul, heart, spirit.
* A good topic for debate; my answer is too long.
* A big, scary word.
||
|-
| Do people tend to turn to you for answers pertaining to subjects you know little about? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If your own toothbrush was not available, would you feel comfortable using a partner's toothbrush? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends on which partner.
||
|-
| How long do your romantic relationships usually last? ||
* 0-6 months
* 6-12 months
* 12+ months
* I've never been in a relationship
||
I am not sure.
|-
| Do you have a photographic memory? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you use the word "ain't" in everyday conversation? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you find that arguing with your significant other is arousing to you? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Which of these is wrong? ||
* The cat's out of the bag.
* The cat's feet are out of the bag.
* All the cat's are out of the bag.
* None of them! They're all correct!
||
|-
| A friend has become homeless. Would you let them stay with you until they are back on their feet? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| If you dislike your food in a restaurant, do you typically send it back? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were in a coma with little chance of recovery what would you like your significant other to do? ||
* Pull the plug immediately, I don't want to linger
* Pull the plug after 2-4 months, gives them time
* Don't pull the plug at all, a chance is a chance.
* I'm not sure . . .
||
|-
| Which would you rather choose: peace on Earth or loads of money? ||
* Peace on Earth
* Loads of money
||
Total peace around earth is impossible.
|-
| When it comes to music, do you have a strong preference for male or female vocals? ||
* Yes - male vocals.
* Yes - female vocals.
* No, not really.
* I prefer instrumental or non-vocal-driven music.
||
|-
| Do you own any sexy underwear? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Of these four educational subject areas, which is your favorite? ||
* Language
* Mathematics
* Science
* History
||
|-
| Straight women who kiss or fondle each other in clubs in the hopes of attracting men are... ||
* Incredibly hot!
* Just having some girlish fun.
* Profoundly annoying.
||
|-
| Does it bother you when people are late? ||
* Yes, always.
* No, never.
* Sometimes, it depends upon the circumstances.
||
|-
| Can you run a mile without stopping? ||
* Yes
* [[Sonichu's Edge|No]]
* Yes - And More
||
|-
| Do you prefer to pursue a potential partner, or for them to pursue you? ||
* I'd rather pursue.
* I'd rather be pursued.
* I prefer a little of both.
||
|-
| Which do you own more of? ||
* Books.
* Movies.
* Music.
* [[Video games|Games.]]
||
|-
| Do you have a strong sense of self? ||
* Yes, I am quite certain of who I am.
* No, I'm still searching for my identity.
* I'm on the verge of finding myself.
* No, I have no clue who I am, I'm an empty shell.
||
|-
| Would you consider dating a law enforcement officer? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
I F***ING LOATHE THE DAMN JERKOPS!!!!!!!
|-
| Ivan P Pavlov (1849-1936) won a Nobel Prize for his work in ||
* Psychology - Classical Conditioning
* Physiology - Digestion
* Pavlov never won a Nobel Prize
* I don't know / I've never heard of him
||
|-
| Do you think you have ESP at all? ||
* Yes
* No
||
A little at least
|-
| Do you consider astrology to be a legitimate science? ||
* [[Naive|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who is allergic to animal fur (e.g. cat, dog)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Would you be friends with, or date, a nudist? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* Only if they were attractive
||
|-
| What's your deal with harder drugs (stuff beyond pot)? ||
* I do drugs regularly.
* I do drugs occasionally.
* I've done drugs in the past, but no longer.
* I never do drugs.
||
|-
| Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Would we feel comfortable that way in the longer run?
|-
| Who is worse? A person in a committed relationship who cheats on their partner or a single person who leads someone in a relationship to cheat? ||
* The person who cheats on their partner.
* [[Vanessa Saga|The single person who leads someone to cheat.]]
* They are equally bad.
* Neither is bad.
||
|-
| Which is bigger? ||
* The earth
* The sun
||
|-
| Assume you have a [[Homos|homosexual]] friend who is the same gender as you. Would it bother you if they hugged you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if I thought the hug was more than friendly.
||
|-
| How much influence or control do your parents have over your life? ||
* I am my own person.
* I consider their opinion but go my own way.
* I almost always do what my parents think is best.
* I always do what my parents say.
||
|-
| How much do other people's opinions of you influence your decisions? ||
* A lot
* Some
* Very little
* Not at all
||
|-
| Have you ever been to prison? ||
* [[28 October 2011|Yes]]
* No
* Just to visit / I was working
||
Wrongfully; I was found innocent, but the one overnight in the cell was emotionally scarring. The charge was minor and was dropped.
|-
| Do you ever not feel like having sex because you feel too unattractive or too unappealing? ||
* Yes, frequently.
* Yes, sometimes.
* Yes, but only rarely.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If your partner were to provide you with a meal, which would you appreciate more? ||
* My partner cooking my favourite meal.
* My partner taking me to my favorite restaurant.
* Neither - I would appreciate both equally.
||
|-
| Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can you cook? ||
* Yes, I'm a culinary genius.
* Yes, with a cook book.
* No, but I try.
* No, there's always fast food.
||
|-
| As long as you both agreed that nobody else would ever see the video, would you let a partner film the two of you having sex? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe, depending upon the partner.
||
|-
| Have you ever written something on the wall of a public toilet? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that you have to move somewhere far away. You'll need to pack all of your stuff and take it with you. All your things could fit nicely inside... ||
* a couple of suitcases.
* a car.
* a big moving truck.
* the Black Sea.
||
|-
| Have you ever "regifted" a gift you didn't like? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who has cold-sores (oral herpes)? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a collector of things? ||
* Yes, I have many collections.
* Yes, I have some collections.
* Yes, I have one collection.
* No, I do not collect anything.
||
|-
| How much do you like to be tickled during sex? ||
* Tickle me until I cry. It really turns me on.
* I like being tickled during sex.
* I do not like being tickled during sex.
* I don't like to be tickled, ever.
||
|-
| Do you prefer hardcore or softcore when it comes to your porn? ||
* Hard!
* Soft!
* Both!
* I don't like porn
||
|-
| If a trusted partner asked you to submit to them sexually, would you? Assume that this would involve letting them collar you, command you, and have control over you during sex. ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you need "alone time" to re-charge after social situations? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Your signifigant other has a hobby that you find boring. They're busy doing whatever it is they like to do, and you're bored. What do you do? ||
* Go do something I like, alone
* Sit and watch to figure out why they like it.
* Sit and watch, resentful.
* Bug them for attention.
||
|-
| Are you more concerned about possibility of being killed as a result of a terrorist attack or a traffic accident? ||
* Terrorist attack.
* Traffic accident.
* Neither concerns me at all.
||
|-
| Could you fall in love with someone you have only talked to online? ||
* Yes.
* [[Sagas#List of Sagas|No.]]
||
|-
| Could you date someone who needs a great deal of alone time? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you attended a drag queen/king show? ||
* Yes, as a participant.
* Yes, in the audience.
* No, but I'd like to.
* No, and I don't plan to.
||
|-
| What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? ||
* I would be there every day of the week if I could.
* They can be fun every once and a while.
* I do not really have an opinion/never been to one.
* They're gross/disgusting/insulting/other.
||
|-
| How long does it usually take for you to decide whether or not you like a new acquaintance? ||
* I decide immediately on sight.
* It takes a few minutes of conversation.
* It takes a few hours of hanging out.
* It takes multiple social experiences with them.
||
|-
| If your spouse asked you to get a small discreet matching tatoo with them, would you? ||
* Yes, Most Likely
* Maybe, I would think about it
* No, what if we divorced?
* No, I disagree with tatoos
||
|-
| How does the thought of someone masturbating with you in mind make you feel? ||
* Shocked
* Disgusted
* Flattered
* Aroused
||
As long as the other person was female.
|-
| Do you like to go to museums? ||
* Yes, a lot
* Yes, a little
* No
||
|-
| How would you react if your lover [[Mumble 8|called you by the name of their ex]]? ||
* I'd get mad and/or dump him/her.
* I'd pretend I didn't hear.
* I'd laugh about it/wouldn't really care.
* I'd talk to him/her about it.
||
|-
| Do you like going to poetry readings? ||
* Yes
* Sometimes
* Occasionally / I'd try it
* No
||
|-
| How important are [[Honor Roll|academic achievements]] to you? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Other things being equal, would you prefer a job that requires you to be mostly on your feet or mostly sitting down? ||
* Mostly on my feet.
* Mostly sitting down.
||
|-
| How messy are you? ||
* I'm very messy
* I'm average
* I'm mostly organized
* I'm compulsively neat
||
|-
| Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? ||
* Yes, no matter what
* Yes, unless otherwise specified
* No, it's not necessary
* No, I'd prefer not to communicate daily
||
|-
| Do you like coffee? ||
* Yes. I need it to function.
* Yes, but I can do without it.
* No.
||
|-
| You wake up 20 minutes before your alarm is scheduled to go off. What do you do? ||
* Get up
* Go back to sleep till the alarm goes off
||
|-
| Which would you rather win? ||
* A Nobel Prize
* A Grammy, Oscar, Tony, or Emmy
* A Super Bowl, World Series, or sports championship
* The Lottery
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is anonymously rude to people online? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you were in your last moments of life after a traffic accident, and someone from another faith was holding your hand attempting to comfort you in your last moments, what would your thoughts be about that? ||
* I would take comfort.
* I would be offended.
* I would be indifferent.
* Other thoughts would take precedence.
||
|-
| Do you think the government has the right to regulate the ownership and use of weapons? ||
* Yes
* Only in extreme cases
* No
* I'm not sure
||
|-
| Do you talk to and or have conversations with yourself, either outloud or in your head? ||
* Yes, outloud
* Yes, in my head
* Yes, both
* No, neither
||
|-
| How important is it to you that your partner smell good? ||
* Very damn important
* Important-ish
* Less important than you think
* I just don't care at all
||
|-
| If your partner wanted you to say a specific phrase during sex, would you? ||
* Yes, I'd say anything they want me to.
* No, I wouldn't.
* Maybe, it would depend upon the phrase.
||
|-
| Do you have a dark and morbid sense of humor? ||
* Yes
* No
* Occasionally
||
|-
| Regardless of future plans, what's more interesting to you right now? ||
* Sex
* Love
||
|-
| Is intoxication ever an acceptable excuse for acting stupid? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How do you think your sex drive compares to what is typical for other people of your age and gender? ||
* My sex drive is higher than average.
* My sex drive is about average.
* My sex drive is below average.
* I'm insatiable.
||
|-
| How many pillows do you sleep with at night? ||
* None.
* One.
* Two.
* Three or more.
||
|-
| Let's say you are in line at a grocery store and have many items. The person behind you just has only one or two. Do you offer to let them go ahead of you? ||
* Yes. Always.
* Yes, unless I am otherwise in a hurry.
* No. Never.
||
|-
| When a dog licks your face, what is your reaction? ||
* Ugh. Nasty.
* Awww..how cute!
* I'm Not Sure / Don't care
||
|-
| How often do you keep your promises? ||
* Always
* Whenever possible
* Usually
* When convenient
||
|-
| How often do you send greeting cards for holidays and birthdays? ||
* Always
* Sometimes
* Never
||
|-
| How often do you use [[Facebook|Facebook]]? ||
* I'm a very active user.
* I'm a somewhat active user.
* I rarely use it.
* I never use it.
||
|-
| Do you like cats? Would you consider owning a cat as a pet? ||
* [[Chandler Cats|Yes, I would love (or do own) a cat.]]
* I'm not too into them, but I wouldn't mind one.
* No, I dislike cats.
* I like them, but I'm allergic.
||
|-
| How much do you trust the news media? ||
* I believe almost everything.
* I trust some sources more than others.
* I think most sources have a hidden agenda.
* It's all propaganda.
||
|-
| Is it wrong to cultivate or manufacture illegal drugs? ||
* Yes, always
* No, never
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you now live in the same city or town as the one which you resided primarily in between the ages of eleven and eighteen? ||
* Yes, I live in that same city now.
* No, I live in [[Ruckersville, VA|a completely different place.]]
* No, but I live in a nearby city (< 1hr by ground),
||
|-
| Which typically comes first for you? ||
* [[Monthly tugboat|Work]]
* Play
||
|-
| Do you enjoy dark, violent, or disturbing music? ||
* Yes
* No
* [[Hello, Juffalo|When I'm in the mood.]]
* Unsure
||
|-
| Do you have a desire (even if it's secret) to take part in sexual activities involving bondage? ||
* Yes
* No
* Absolutely not.
||
|-
| Do you use hand sanitizer? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Looking toward the future, which of the following do you see as most important for you in ten years? ||
* Being in a good relationship.
* Having a good job.
* Being wealthy.
* Being healthy.
||
|-
| How often do you 'take it out' on other people when you're having a bad day? ||
* Always.
* Frequently.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| How important to you is being with family during holidays? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
* I have no family.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date someone who plays video games almost every day, for at least 2 hours? ||
* Yes, I'd be playing with them.
* Yes, but I would not play that much.
* Yes, but I don't like video games.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever felt so strongly about a social issue or cause that you have participated in a public demonstration? ||
* Yes
* No
* Politics bore me
||
|-
| Would you be pleased if a partner expressed the desire to be sexually humiliated by you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which, on you, is closest to perfection? ||
* [[Slow-in-the-minds|Your mind]]
* [[Obesity|Your body]]
* [[Chris and money|Your wallet]]
* Your soul
||
|-
| Do you get angry when you lose a game? ||
* Usually
* Sometimes
* Never
||
|-
| How do you feel about women openly displaying tattoos? ||
* I Like It
* I Don't Mind
* I Dislike It
||
|-
| To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love? ||
* Romantic
* Foolish
* Creepy
||
|-
| Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose? ||
* Perform the male surgery.
* Perform the female surgery.
* Perform the surgery, selecting randomly.
* Do not perform the surgery.
||
[[Chris and sex#Knowledge of sex and gender|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).]]
|-
| When it comes to right and wrong, which of the following do you think has the greatest impact on your belief system? ||
* Religion.
* Family and/or friends.
* Laws.
* Self interest.
||
|-
| Do you think you have what it takes to be a successful actor or actress? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which of these options most closely describes what you're looking for in your next relationship? ||
* Someone to come home to
* Someone to go out with
* Someone for tonight
||
|-
| If you asked for time off of work to see your favorite band and it wasn't granted, would you skip work to see the show anyway? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When you're around new people, are you more of a leader, or are you more cooperative? ||
* More of a leader
* More cooperative
||
|-
| How much do you spend per year for shoes? ||
* Less than $100
* $101 - $ 500
* $501- $1000
* More than a $1000
||
|-
| If you were visiting a new city, where would you be most excited to go? ||
* Tourist attractions or entertainment venues.
* Historically or culturally important places.
* Places popular with the locals.
* Home.
||
|-
| What is the first definition for the word "composition" that comes to mind? ||
* The makeup of a mixture of ingredients
* A piece of music
* A piece of writing
* An arrangement of visual elements
||
|-
| How open are you to trying new things in bed? ||
* Very open. I'll try anything once.
* I'm open, but I don't get too crazy.
* Hesitant, but it might happen.
* Not at all.
||
|-
| Would you stay in a relationship if your significant other told you, "I no longer feel that deep love I once felt for you, but I'm willing to stay together until I work through this"? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| I prefer to sleep… ||
* Alone
* With my partner, but apart (not touching)
* Touching my partner
* Embracing / cuddling my partner
||
|-
| You're in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? ||
* Yes, and it makes me uncomfortable.
* I guess, but It doesn't change how I feel.
* That seems like an average number.
* No, that's nothing.
||
|-
| Were you in love with the first person you ever slept with? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm a virgin
||
|-
| How many times do you usually hit the snooze button on your alarm clock? ||
* Zero. I get up immediately when the alarm sounds.
* One or two times.
* Three or more times.
* I do not usually use an alarm clock to wake up.
||
|-
| If you could triple your money by investing in a company whose business practices you disapproved of, would you invest? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever gotten back with someone who cheated on you? ||
* Yes, people can change.
* Yes, but I'll NEVER do it again!
* No way.
* Never been in that situation.
||
|-
| How frequently do you go out of your way to make others feel appreciated? ||
* Way more than average
* About average
* Less than average / Never
||
|-
| Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? ||
* Open.
* Closed.
* It depends.
||
|-
| Is text messaging an acceptable way to ask someone out on a date? ||
* Yes, it's a great way.
* Yes, but it's pretty lame.
* No.
||
|-
| Do people tend to take you seriously, or usually think you're being sarcastic? ||
* Serious
* Sarcastic
||
Not sure
|-
| Might you be annoyed if someone asked you to repeat yourself? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends...
||
|-
| In terms of relationships, which of these is it the most important to find? ||
* Someone for whom you would do anything.
* Someone who turns you on.
* Someone you feel like you've known forever.
* Someone with goals similar to yours.
||
Anything I am able to.
|-
| Generally, do you enjoy being drunk? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't know, because I've never been drunk.
||
|-
| What kind of rides do you like at amusement parks? ||
* The biggest or most thrilling ones.
* The more laid back, smaller, or classic rides.
* I like them all, big and small.
* I wouldn't bother to do the rides.
||
|-
| In terms of height, how do you compare to others of your sex? ||
* I am taller.
* I am shorter.
* I am about average.
||
|-
| Your significant other is perfectly content with their minimum wage job and has no plans to look for more challenging/better paying work. Is this a problem? ||
* Yes, I wouldn't be able to tolerate that.
* Somewhat, but it's their life.
* No, I don't mind.
||
|-
| Do you believe that men should be the heads of their households? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How important is voting to you? ||
* Extremely important
* Very important
* Not so important
* Not at all important
||
|-
| Which of the following best describes your typical demeanor? ||
* Cheerful! I have a positive outlook.
* Meh. I have my ups and downs.
* Annoyed. The world sucks.
||
|-
| Have you ever taken a break while at work to "play" with yourself ? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Other things being equal, would you be more attracted to an artist or a scientist? ||
* Artist
* Scientist
||
|-
| Do you like to interpret your own dreams? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a cat person or a dog person? ||
* Cats
* Dogs
* Both
* Neither
||
|-
| Do you like to be the center of attention? ||
* Yes, always
* [[Chris and ego|Yes, sometimes]]
* Not really, no
||
|-
| How are you most likely to show your partner you care? ||
* Words: Tell them how much you appreciate them
* Actions: Do something nice (like a date or errand)
* Gifts: Buy them flowers, jewelery or a new gadget
* Touch: Give them a hug, massage or kiss
||
|-
| Would you say you have... ||
* A green thumb
* A black thumb
* A modicum of success with vegetation
* Absolutely no interest in plants
||
|-
| Would you ever date or mess around with a good friend's ex? ||
* Yes, why not?
* No
* Yes, but only with my friend's permission
||
|-
| The person you are dating has a different faith or religion than you. They ask you to go with them to a religious function. Do you go? ||
* Yes
* No
* It depends on what kind of function it is
* It depends on what religion it is
||
|-
| How long do you believe people need to be in a relationship before before getting married? ||
* At least 2 years
* At least 1 year
* At least 6 months
* Less than 6 months / no requirement
||
|-
| Have you ever brought a stray animal home? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How often do you read your horoscope? ||
* Daily.
* Weekly.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you blush easily? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If all of the professional sports leagues in the world ceased to exist, would you be upset? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you had to choose between spending a weekend hiking and camping or going to Broadway shows with the same friends, which would you choose? ||
* Camping.
* Broadway.
* I would be happy with either.
* I would rather stay home.
||
|-
| Do you believe in an energy field that surrounds us that we can manipulate through reiki, acupuncture, chakra balancing, yoga, or some other system? ||
* Yes, and I practice one/some of these.
* Yes, but I don't practice any of these.
* No, but I do practice one/some of these.
* No, and I would never practice any of these.
||
|-
| Imagine that your partner does not enjoy performing oral sex and refuses to ever perform it on you. How disappointed would you be? ||
* Extremely disappointed.
* Somewhat disappointed.
* Slightly disappointed.
* Not at all disappointed.
||
|-
| Would you radically alter your appearance (hair, clothes, body modifications) for your significant other? ||
* Yes
* No way!
* I'm not sure, it depends...
||
|-
| Imagine you are walking down the street at night and hear a cry for help. Which would you do? ||
* Call the police.
* Investigate.
* Call the police and investigate.
* Ignore it.
||
|-
| You see a harmless insect in your living space. It can't bite or make any annoying buzzing or chirping sounds. What do you do? ||
* Kill it quickly.
* Kill it slowly.
* Gently catch it and release it outside.
* Leave it alone.
||
|-
| Communism, in concept: ||
* Good
* Bad
* Same as capitalism
* No idea / this question doesn't interest me
||
|-
| Are you an Atheist? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is satanism acceptable? ||
* Sure
* Yes, it seems a bit immature though.
* No, it is wrong.
* I don't know/care.
||
|-
| Would it be easier for you to make a list of things you want in a relationship or a list of things you want to avoid in a relationship? ||
* Things I want.
* Things I want to avoid.
||
|-
| Anyone can be financially successful, if only they're willing to try. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| If you were offered $5,000,000,000 US dollars to participate right now in a single round of Russian Roulette (1 in 6 chance of immediate death), would you play? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How often do you make up and sing ditties? ||
* Regularly.
* [[Category:Music Videos|Sometimes.]]
* Never.
||
|-
| Could you date someone with no long-term goals? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which do you like more? Be honest. ||
* Giving massages
* Receiving massages
||
|-
| Do you believe in miracles? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If political candidates supported marijuana legalization, how would that affect your disposition toward voting for them? ||
* I would be more likely to vote for them.
* I would be less likely to vote for them.
* This would not influence my vote.
||
|-
| How long can you go without sexual release? ||
* A day or less.
* More than a day, less than a week.
* More than a week.
* I have never had sexual release.
||
|-
| Do you take pills when you have a headache? ||
* Yes
* No
||
An aspirin
|-
| If you were offered the opportunity to eat human meat prepared any way you like, would you at least try it? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only as a last resort for survival
||
|-
| Do you keep your sexual exploits private? ||
* Yes, always.
* No, I am an open book.
* Sometimes.
||
|-
| Do you ever want to punch people you don't know, right in the face, for superficial reasons (the way they grin, their clothes, their voice, etc.)? ||
* Every day
* It happens, but not often
* Never
||
|-
| If your partner wanted to pay for you, as a couple, to see a professional dominatrix would you go? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Someone in an open relationship asks you out on a date. You: ||
* Refuse / Aren't interested in open relationships.
* Are hesitant, but would consider it.
* Accept / Are open to non-monogamous relationships.
||
|-
| Say you've started seeing someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you have sex? ||
* 1-2 dates
* 3-5 dates
* 6 or more dates
* Only after the wedding
||
I would let soonest sex be up to her, but don't keep me waiting too long.
|-
| It's Friday night, 7 PM, and you have no plans for the evening. Which of these are you most likely to do? ||
* Stay at home and read a book.
* Watch some TV, or go see a movie alone.
* Go to a club or bar, and maybe meet someone new.
* Call some friends, and find SOMEONE to hang with.
||
|-
| Do you drink milk and juice straight out of the carton and then put it back in the fridge? ||
* Yes, I drink it straight from the carton.
* Sometimes--if no one else around to see.
* Yes. Only because I don't live with anyone else.
* Ewww. No, that's gross. I pour it first.
||
|-
| Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things? ||
* Good
* Interesting
||
|-
| What do you think of the game of Rugby? ||
* A game for savage barbarians
* Cool, but not for me..
* Can't get enough of it!
* I don't know anything about it/I don't care
||
|-
| Which of these is likely to make you more nervous? ||
* A promising first date
* An important interview
||
|-
| If you had to pick one of the following types of people for a significant other, which would it be? ||
* Wholesome
* A little on the slutty side
* Crazy and colorful
* Dark and mysterious
||
|-
| Would you walk up to a stranger and tell them you think they're beautiful? ||
* Yes / probably
* No / probably not
||
|-
| Have you ever cybered (had cybersex)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When using a computer, at a desk, do you: ||
* Sit painfully erect
* Have good posture
* Slouch a bit
* Slump on the desk
||
|-
| If a significant other decided s/he wanted to have or adopt six children with you, would this be okay? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Possibly, depending on the situation.
||
|-
| Do you recycle? ||
* Almost always
* Sometimes
* Rarely or not at all
||
|-
| How important is money/wealth for you in a match? ||
* Very important
* Somewhat important
* Not important at all
||
I am just getting by.
|-
| Love conquers all. ||
* True.
* False.
||
|-
| Your significant other wants to go to a strip club with a few friends. What are your thoughts on this? ||
* I'm completely against it.
* I don't like it, but doesn't bother me that much.
* No, I'm not against it at all / I'd go with them.
* I would be upset, but I'd let them go.
||
|-
| How often do you get angry? ||
* Very often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
||
|-
| Your significant other wants to move every few years, to experience different parts of the country or world. What's your take on that? ||
* My bags are packed, let's go.
* Eh, as long as it's not too often I guess it's ok.
* As long as we're not leaving the country.
* I'd prefer to stay put.
||
|-
| Do you ever feel the need to get really drunk? ||
* Often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| How many romantic partners have you lived with? ||
* None.
* One.
* Two or three.
* Four or more.
||
|-
| Do you think that a fourteen year old who commits a violent crime should be tried and punished as an adult? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Imagine you're at an art gallery and you see a canvas painted solid red. It is selling for more money than you make in a year. Which of the following would be closest to your reaction? ||
* I'd like to know more about its meaning.
* The price is outrageous.
* I could have painted that myself.
* It's really pleasing to look at.
||
|-
| Do you feel comfortable being touched by someone you just met? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not sure / maybe
||
|-
| Are people who believe in the paranormal (IE: Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, ESP, etc.) all crazy or suffering from some sort of mental disorder/delusion? ||
* Yes, and they all need mental help, now.
* Yes, but I couldn't care less.
* No, but I personally don't believe
* No, I'm a very big believer in the paranormal.
||
|-
| Would you consider digging up the grave of a loved one to recover a priceless item that was accidentally buried with them? ||
* Yes, I wouldn't hesitate, even if it were illegal.
* Yes, but only if it could be done legally.
* No, absolutely not.
||
|-
| Are you attracted to dangerous situations? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Depends.
|-
| How important is religion/God in your life? ||
* Extremely important
* Somewhat important
* Not very important
* Not at all important
||
|-
| How many live plants do you have in your home? ||
* None.
* One or two.
* Three to nine.
* Ten or more.
||
|-
| Do you check to be certain all of the entry doors at your residence are locked before going to sleep? ||
* Always.
* Never.
* Sometimes.
||
|-
| Would you, or did you, go to [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|your 10-year high school reunion]]? ||
* Yes
* No, but I wanted to
* No
||
It did not happen (F***ing, D***ed [[Facebook|Facebook]], Ruining Socializing and making Reunions considered outdated and obsolete). ]:(
|-
| Which would do more to improve the world? ||
* Fewer stupid people
* Fewer ugly people
* This question upsets me
||
|-
| Could you date someone who was really messy? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you made special efforts to keep any favorite toys from your childhood? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever read Shakespeare, other than for a class? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you hit the snooze button more than once on a typical morning? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in some kind of a spiritual, cosmic force outside the realm of most modern religion? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you see a pattern in the type of people you usually end up in relationships with? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When looking at a prospective match's profile, which of these do you pay the most attention to? ||
* Their favorite books.
* Their favorite movies.
* Their favorite music.
* Their favorite food.
||
|-
| Have you performed any charity work in the last year? (We mean labor, not donating money) ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If some men are doctors and some doctors are tall, does it follow that some men are tall? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can you write a web site in HTML (without using site building software)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you a highly skilled writer? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it okay for men to wear makeup? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Think of when you were a little kid and choose the most appropriate answer. ||
* I got in trouble all the time.
* I never got in trouble.
* I never got in trouble because I never got caught.
||
|-
| Do you believe morality is universal, or relative? ||
* Universal
* Relative
||
|-
| Do you subscribe to/believe in the philosophies of Ayn Rand? ||
* Yes
* Absolutely not
* I don't care about her philosophies
* I don't know what you're talking about
||
|-
| What degree of profanity do you prefer to see when you watch a comedian? ||
* The more profane, the better.
* Some profanity is ok as long as it isn't extreme.
* I prefer clean acts.
* It makes no difference so long as it is funny.
||
|-
| Is it ever acceptable to have a sexual relationship with someone who you have professional authority over? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could you ever date or associate with a person who was desperately unsure of themselves? ||
* yes/probably
* no/probably not
* unsure/depends on the case
||
|-
| Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Have you ever gone skydiving? ||
* Yes, and I enjoyed it.
* Yes, but I did not like it.
* No, but I would like to some day.
* No, and I do not want to.
||
|-
| If possible, would you prefer to date someone a lot more attractive than you, or about the same? ||
* A lot more attractive
* About the same
||
|-
| Do you like the idea of living alone? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which is more offensive: book burning or flag burning? ||
* book burning
* flag burning
||
|-
| Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice? ||
* Yes, I liked the sound of it.
* Yes, but I did not like the sound of it.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you better with numbers or words? ||
* Numbers
* Words
* Both equally
||
|-
| Is it easier to love or to hate? ||
* Love
* Hate
||
It depends on which of good or bad people you've been more exposed towards, and your own shyness or aggressive response.
|-
| Would you consider dating someone twenty years older than you if they were really interesting and looked really good? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| What do you think of reality television? ||
* I love it!
* It's alright.
* I dislike it.
* I have no opinion on reality television
||
|-
| Do you make your bed most days? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When it comes to gambling, which is closest to your style? ||
* Cautious.
* Aggressive.
* Somewhere in the middle.
* I don't gamble.
||
|-
| Do you believe in the power of prayer? ||
* [[Chris and religion|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| You see a police officer. How do you feel? ||
* Safe
* Nervous
||
I really loathe those corrupted [[Jerkops]]!!!
|-
| Which is better: sex without sleeping together or sleeping together without sex? ||
* Sex
* Sleeping
||
|-
| Have you ever changed a diaper? ||
* Yes
* No, and I wouldn't
* No, but I would
||
|-
| Should the death penalty be abolished? ||
* [[Chris and hypocrisy#"I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| On a typical night, what time do you go to sleep? ||
* By 9pm
* By 11pm
* By 1am
* Later
||
[[Biological clock|My internal clock]] has been out of order for a long while, and would be appreciated towards realignment towards a day schedule.
|-
| Do you often make jokes that offend more uptight people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had sex with someone you first met online? ||
* Yes.
* [[May 2012 Facebook posts#Hey, Trollies|No.]]
||
|-
| Imagine you and your significant other both have the afternoon off. If you could only choose one of the following activities to do together, which one would it be? ||
* See a movie.
* Stay in and have sex.
* Catch up on chores at home.
* Go shopping.
||
Or whatever I felt like.
|-
| Could you date someone who has (and acts on) radical-left politics? ||
* Yes
* No way, you commie
* As long as it's non-violent.
* Not sure
||
|-
| If while visiting a friend's house, you notice a painting hanging slightly off kilter. Do you adjust it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If a poor 20 year-old woman marries a wealthy 40 year-old man, do you assume it's for the money? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you know how to use a darkroom to develop negatives and prints? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you chew gum? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had a sexual relationship with someone you met online? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Certainly not in person with the theoretical exes I've had.
|-
| If you had to choose ONLY one, would you rather... ||
* Have great sex
* Have great friends
* Have great love
* Have great ideas
||
|-
| Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does the idea of living underwater fascinate you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ideally like to be married within the next 3 years? ||
* Yes
* No
* Possibly
* I'm already married
||
|-
| Group sex (with 3 or more people): ||
* I have tried it.
* [[:File:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|It seriously interests me.]]
* I have little or no interest.
||
With me and multiple women; [[Noviophobia|NO OTHER MALES]].
|-
| Does your newspaper/TV news/news website of choice have a political bias? ||
* Yes, it's biased towards the truth.
* Yes, but I can read between the lines.
* Not that I'm aware of.
* I don't follow the news.
||
|-
| Biting? ||
* No
* Yes
* Let's break skin
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone whose religion or spirituality is the primary focus in their life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which event sounds most appealing? ||
* Sci-Fi Convention
* Political Convention
* Music Festival
* New Years Eve in Times Square
||
|-
| Have you ever made a booty call (invited over or visited someone you were not actively in a relationship with, just for sexual activity)? ||
* Yes, and I still do.
* Yes, I have done it, but don't any more.
* No, and I never will.
* No, but I suppose I might.
||
|-
| Commitment to personal growth is: ||
* For wimps.
* Critically important.
* Sort of important
||
|-
| Which are you closer to being? ||
* A hippie
* A yuppie
||
|-
| Do you understand quantum physics? ||
* Yes / Some
* No
||
|-
| Do you like to watch sports on television? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What's a worse trait to have? ||
* Greed
* Laziness
||
|-
| Does smoking disgust you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Generally speaking, are you a worrier? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you looking for a partner to have children with? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you own your own country's flag? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were in a serious relationship, would you mind if your significant other maintained an active profile on OkCupid? ||
* Yes - I would mind this.
* No - This would not bother me.
||
|-
| If you were abducted by aliens and were allowed to bring only one form of entertainment, which would it be? ||
* Literature
* TV/Movies/Music
* Video games
* A hydrogen bomb
||
|-
| Would you be okay with your significant other spending a lot of time with one of his/her exes (as a friend)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| At a party, you're offered a drink, even though you have a busy day tomorrow. Do you take it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like going to the movies alone? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have your own web page? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like reggae music a lot? ||
* Yes
* No
||
It's okay
|-
| Are you a snob about some things? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe that alcoholism is a disease? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you were searching profiles for a match on OkCupid, which do you think would influence you more? ||
* The pictures.
* The text.
||
|-
| Which best describes your personal feelings about sports? ||
* Sports are a very important part of my life.
* I play or watch sports often.
* I play or watch sports occasionally.
* I don't watch or play sports.
||
|-
| Which best describes your political beliefs? ||
* Liberal / Left-wing
* Centrist
* Conservative / Right-wing
* Other
||
|-
| How much do you usually tip a server who did a fine job? ||
* Around 10% or less
* 10-15%
* 15-20%
* Over 20%
||
|-
| Have you ever skinny-dipped? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| It's 2 AM. While driving home, you stop at an intersection with a red traffic light. After waiting over six minutes, it still hasn't changed to green. No one seems to be around. What do you do? ||
* Run the red light.
* Continue to wait patiently.
* Find a legal way to reroute, avoiding the light.
* Abandon the vehicle and continue on foot.
||
|-
| Imagine being all alone in the great outdoors, miles from anyone, with no communication device. Nobody knows where you are. ||
* This is something I would like.
* This is something I would avoid.
||
|-
| Have you kept any old love letters from ex-lovers? ||
* Yes
* No
* I've never gotten any to keep.
||
|-
| If you could erase any pain from your past and substitute those moments with happiness, would you? ||
* Yes, I'd rather not have those memories.
* No, the pain is part of who I am.
* I'm Not Sure.
||
|-
| Can anything be made the subject of a joke? ||
* Yes, anything can be funny in the right light.
* [[Twin Falling Towers|No, some subjects should not be joked about.]]
||
|-
| Do you feel obligated help your fellow human beings? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Alex's Lemonade Stand|I like doing good when I can.]]
|-
| Were you picked on a lot in school? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider having a relationship with someone who is married, but no longer has sex with their spouse? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is it possible to have a true relationship, friend or otherwise, with someone you've never met in person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
ANYONE can be hiding behind the "Anon" of their monitor (damn Trolls and CyberBullies); Meeting in person ASAP is a must with me.
|-
| Should drugs be legalized, regulated, and taxed? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Would you date a single parent? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you own any dice with more than six sides? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| At what age do children become old enough to spend several hours at home without the supervision of an adult or babysitter? ||
* Seven years old or younger.
* Eight to ten years old.
* Eleven to thirteen years old.
* Fourteen years old or older.
||
|-
| Do you read fan fiction? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't know.
||
|-
| Will you teach your children to believe in [[Christmas|Santa]]? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| After sex do you clean up right away? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes, it depends upon how I feel.
||
|-
| Is it okay for you to be irrational in making important life decisions? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If someone sends you an e-mail (or has a profile) full of spelling and grammatical errors, are you less likely to talk to them? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Depends on the situation.
|-
| How often do you wash your dishes? ||
* As I use them.
* Daily.
* When I run out of clean utensils.
* When the sink starts to smell funny.
||
|-
| Would it bother you if a platonic friend touched you casually during a conversation? ||
* Yes, it probably would.
* No, it probably would not.
* Possibly, it would depend upon circumstances.
||
|-
| Do you have any totally irrational fears, as in something that is extremely unlikely to happen or imaginary? ||
* Yes
* No
||
But within reason, especially from the real life actions of an Internet Troll or Cyber-Bully.
|-
| How long would a relationship have to last before you would consider seeing a counselor to resolve problems? ||
* Less than one year.
* One to three years.
* More than three years.
* I would never submit to relationship counseling.
||
|-
| Once you take a moral position, can anything be said or done to change your mind? ||
* Yes, life is a big gray area anyway.
* No, some things are just Right or Wrong.
* Maybe. It depends on the issue.
* Maybe, but it would take a lot.
||
|-
| Would you be excited to ride the world's tallest and fastest roller coaster? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have a checklist of mandatory traits that you absolutely require in any significant other? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever had a ghost or spirit around you and you could feel it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Bob Chandler|My late father]] appears often in my dreams .
|-
| What's your opinion of the phrase "making love" when it refers to sex? ||
* It's beautiful.
* It's hokey and overly sentimental.
* It refers to a very specific kind of sex.
* It's no better or worse than any other.
||
|-
| Do you often have strong opinions about the government? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you really liked someone, would you make an effort to clean up before s/he saw your place for the first time? ||
* Yes -- I'd want to make a good first impression.
* No -- someone who really likes me won't care.
* I'd clean up a little, I guess. It's only polite.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy long camping trips? (longer than 3 nights) ||
* I don't like to camp.
* I've never camped, but would like to.
* I like to camp, but not long trips.
* I love long camping trips.
||
|-
| Are you more attracted to virgins? ||
* Yes
* No
* I AM a virgin
||
|-
| Have you ever randomly followed a stranger because you found them attractive? ||
* [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you often have a hard time thinking of things to talk about? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Slow-in-the-minds|It takes me while sometimes.]]
|-
| Are you either vegetarian or vegan? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like to play drinking games? ||
* Yes, they're totally sweet!
* No, I think they're cheesy/lame
* Not really, but I will on occasion
* No, I don't drink
||
|-
| Would you date someone who has served considerable time in prison? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you feel comfortable going away on a vacation by yourself? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you feel guilty or bad after having sex? ||
* Always
* Sometimes
* Never
* I'm still a virgin.
||
|-
| Do you think you could still be genuinely happy if you weren't in a relationship with anyone? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You're up against a nearly impossible challenge. Your ideal partner… ||
* pushes you hard to succeed
* reminds you to be realistic
* stands back, but comforts you if you fail
||
|-
| Should cigarettes be illegal? ||
* [[Tobacky|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you know how to swim? ||
* Yes
* No
* I am a swimmer
||
|-
| Is foreplay necessary for good sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think the government should limit big chain stores to give small businesses a chance? ||
* Yes
* No
* Maybe
* Don't know/Don't care
||
|-
| Historically, have you gone through periods of "forgetting about your friends" as you have become involved in romantic relationships? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
* I've never been in a romantic relationship.
||
|-
| Which is the greatest compliment you could receive? ||
* That you are beautiful/sexy/hot
* That you are intelligent
* That you are talented
* That you are extremely fun to be with
||
ANY Compliment stated to me Directly, Sincerely and In Person with Eye Contact would be most appreciated. My self esteem has been low for a long while,
|-
| If given the chance to vote on a law supporting assisted suicide, how would you cast your vote? ||
* I'd vote for a law allowing assisted suicide.
* I'd vote against a law allowing assisted suicide.
* I would not vote on such a law.
* How I would vote is my business only.
||
|-
| You read a personal ad and it is misspelled, with poor grammar and uncertain capitalization. Do you allow that to affect your opinion of the person? ||
* Yes
* No
* Maybe / Unsure
||
|-
| When deciding what is right and wrong you are: ||
* more emotional
* more logical
* Religion/faith determines it.
* I am not sure/other reasons.
||
|-
| How many countries have you visited? ||
* I have never left the country I live in now.
* Between 2 and 5 countries.
* Between 6 and 10 countries.
* More than 10 countries.
||
|-
| Is astrological sign at all important in a match? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does the idea of flipping a coin to make important life decisions appeal to you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you prefer to sleep with the lights on or off? ||
* I like it completely dark.
* I like a little light.
* I like it to be bright.
||
|-
| Do you live with your parent(s)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| During conversation, do you gesticulate? ||
* Yes. Often.
* No. Never.
* Perhaps occasionally.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| The diamond dependent economy of West Africa causes civil wars and crimes against humanity. Should people consider this when purchasing or receiving an engagement ring? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* [[White knight#Chris lacks empathy himself|I don't care]]
||
|-
| How interested would you be in knowing the details of a partner's sexual history? ||
* Very interested.
* Somewhat interested.
* Not interested.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who was already in a committed relationship with someone else? ||
* Yes, even in secret.
* Yes, but only if everybody knew.
* No, but I don't think it's inherently wrong.
* No, it's wrong.
||
|-
| Have you ever purposely pretended to be ignorant about something you have knowledge of because you wanted to hear someone else explain it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When you were a child, did you have an [[Sonichu|"imaginary friend"]]? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Which would you rather lose: ||
* the ability to reproduce
* the ability to orgasm
||
|-
| Have you ever seen a ghost? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Or at least I felt like I may have.
|-
| Do you ever date to avoid being alone? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I would if I COULD, but No Woman has asked me out while in public/in person.
|-
| Ouija Boards - Cool or Crap? ||
* Very cool!
* Crap - a waste of time!
* I'm Not Sure.
||
|-
| When you break up with someone, do you tell them the real reason(s) or do you try to let them down as easy as possible? ||
* Tell the truth, no matter how much it hurts.
* Go easy on them - they'll hurt enough as it is.
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|I've never been the dump-er]]
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who has vocalized a strong negative bias toward [[Niggos|a certain race of people]]? ||
* [[Chris and race|Yes.]]
* No.
* It depends on which race.
||
|-
| You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he's been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long do you wait to call? ||
* As soon as I get home!
* Tomorrow. I don't want to seem too eager.
* The mandatory three days. Duh.
* Eventually, when I feel like it...
||
|-
| Regardless of whether or not you smoke marijuana, do you think it should be legalized for adults? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| A "shooting star" is a star that... ||
* ...burned out, and collapsed
* ...collided with Earth's atmosphere
* ...got sucked into a black hole
* ...isn't really a star
||
|-
| You're in a serious, monogamous relationship when your partner gets offered their dream job overseas for three years. They have decided that it's a chance they just can't pass up. Which of these choices is most appealing to you? ||
* Trying to arrange it so you can go with
* Maintaining a long-distance relationship
* Staying friends, but dating around til they return
* Breaking up and moving on
||
|-
| Do you practice or believe in real magick, not to be confused with stage magic and parlor tricks? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How soon would you meet your significant other's parents? ||
* Right Away!
* After a few weeks of dating
* After a few months of dating
* After a few years of dating
||
It is up to her.
|-
| Which is longer? ||
* A mile
* A kilometer
* I don't know!
||
|-
| Gay marriage—should it be legal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever driven a motor vehicle over 100mph (161kph)? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When eating, do you generally eat the things you like most first or save them for last? ||
* I eat the things I like most first.
* I eat the things I like most last.
* I don't usually eat in a particular order.
||
|-
| Do you have any interest in collecting coins? ||
* Yes, I buy and/or sell collectible coins.
* Yes, I regularly check my change for rarities.
* Yes, I'm attached to a few coins.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy intense intellectual conversations? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think homosexuality is a sin? ||
* [[Homos|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Has anyone ever accused you of being "too clingy"? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
But I have better self-control now.
|-
| Do you think you could ever enjoy being humiliated as part of a sexual experience? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| From which medium are you most likely to find out about new news stories? ||
* Television
* Newspaper
* Radio
* Online
||
|-
| If you want to get to the top of the stairs sooner, do you: ||
* Skip steps
* Go faster without skipping
||
|-
| Which of the following has the biggest influence on your behavior? ||
* Reason, Observation, Empiricism, Trial-And-Error.
* Tradition, Faith, Upbringing, Heritage.
* Emotion, Intuition, Instinct.
||
|-
| What if you found out, just before the wedding, that the love of your life was sterile and unable to ever have kids? ||
* Break off the wedding
* Continue the wedding and adopt
* Continue the wedding and not adopt
* Celebrate and get married
||
|-
| Have you ever stayed up all night, until dawn, talking with someone you have just met? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think politics have an impact on your everyday life? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* Who cares?
||
|-
| Would you leave an otherwise perfect relationship if you found out your partner was interested in children sexually? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| What's the gender distribution of the vocalists in your music collection? ||
* Mostly female singers.
* Nearly the same male and female.
* Mostly male singers.
* I have little or no music collection with vocals.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy intellectual debates on topics like politics, religion, science or philosophy? ||
* I love to argue!
* Sometimes.
* It's usually boring or annoying.
* I'm not smart enough.
||
|-
| What causes Earth's seasons? ||
* Earth's distance from the sun
* Earth's tilt in relation to the sun
* Earth's rotation on its axis
* Don't know / don't care / not sure
||
|-
| Wearing socks with sandals is: ||
* [[Chris and Fashion|Perfectly fine.]]
* Utterly wrong.
* OK sometimes.
* Not a subject I have an opinion on.
||
|-
| Underarms can be a hairy subject. How do you maintain your pits? ||
* I let it grow, wild & free!
* Occasionally I'll trim.
* I shave consistently.
* Whatever I feel like at the time.
||
|-
| If money were not an issue, would you have major cosmetic surgery on any part of your face or body? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How big is your porn collection? ||
* Small
* Medium
* [[Craigslist#Used Porn|LARGE]]
* I don't have one
||
|-
| How do you dispose of your used chewing gum? ||
* [[Semen#Recycling|I swallow it.]]
* I spit it out or stick it to something.
* I wrap it up and/or dispose of it neatly.
* I don't use chewing gum.
||
|-
| If you were forced right now to discover with absolute certainty one and only one of the following related to the future instance of your death, which would you choose to learn? ||
* The year.
* The month.
* The day of the month.
* The hour and minute of the day.
||
|-
| Which is more important for a good match? ||
* Having similar political beliefs
* Having good sex
||
Similar interests
|-
| Would you lie about how you met a person you were dating to please your parents? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* Only if my pertner wanted me to
||
|-
| What's more important? ||
* Safety
* Freedom
||
|-
| Receiving anal sex? ||
* I like it / I think I might like it
* I don't like it / I don't think I would like it
||
Only with/from a woman; if on me, she would wear a strap-on.
|-
| Do you consider government taxes (such as income tax) a form of theft? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Do you believe you've lived past lives? ||
* Yes, I am confident I have.
* No, I do not believe this is possible.
* Maybe, but there is no way to really know.
||
|-
| How shy would you say you are? ||
* Very shy
* Kind of shy
* Not really shy
* Not at all shy
||
|-
| Do you regularly paint or sculpt? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How easily are you offended? ||
* Very easily.
* Somewhat easily.
* Not very easily.
||
|-
| Do you sleep with the television on? ||
* Yes, always
* No, never ever
* Sometimes
* Depends on what I'm watching
||
|-
| Half of all policemen are thieves and half of all policemen are murderers. Does it follow logically that all policemen are criminals? ||
* Yes
* No
||
HELL YES! I Really Loathe the damn, corrupted [[Jerkops]]!!!
|-
| Have you ever gotten, or would you ever get, a piercing below the belt? ||
* I have.
* I would.
* I wouldn't.
||
|-
| The person you have been seeing for a while climbs in through your window, crawls in bed with you, and cuddles up. You find this: ||
* Scary
* A sign of neediness
* Cute
* The perfect time to ask them to move in
||
Surprising.
|-
| On average, how do your friends compare to you, age-wise? ||
* They're mostly older than I
* They're mostly younger than I
* They're about the same age
* I don't have that many friends
||
|-
| Would you like to have someone strap on a dildo and put it inside you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever been outside of your own country? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that you receive a document that absolutely proves whether or not God exists. Upon reading the document and finding the truth, you must decide whether or not to share the proof with the world. Which would you do? ||
* Share the truth regardless of what it is.
* Keep the truth to myself regardless of what it is.
* Share only if it proves that God exists.
* Share only if it proves that God does not exist.
||
|-
| If you meet someone and they are everything you are looking for, except their body type, do you give them a chance? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Only the obese.
|-
| Can you be single and truly happy at the same time? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Where would you prefer to live? ||
* A modest house in a nice neighborhood.
* The nicest house in a modest neighborhood.
||
|-
| Have you ever cut off contact with someone after seeing their pic? ||
* Yes
* No
* No, but I would if they were not attractive enough
||
|-
| Do you have a vanity license plate? ||
* [[Son-Chu#Vanity plate|vanity license plate]]
* No, absolutely not
* No, but I want one
||
|-
| Have you ever taken a shower with a partner? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you play the devil's advocate? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| Is there at least one nude photo of you on the Net? ||
* [[Nudes|Yes]]
* No
* Yes, but my face isn't visible
* Not sure
||
|-
| Would you ever get on a motorcycle? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had sex in a place where there was a high risk of being caught? ||
* Yes
* No, but it sounds like fun
* No, I don't think I could do it
||
|-
| Do you believe reason is more important than emotions in solving problems? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How would you say your self esteem is? ||
* High
* Low
* Neither high nor low
||
|-
| Are you willing to wear uncomfortable clothes to look good? ||
* Absolutely not
* On very special occasions
* Sometimes
* Usually yes
||
I would [[Tomgirl Saga|cross dress]] more often if [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] was not against me doing it (panties and [[Muscle bra|bra]] included, but wear them anyway).
|-
| The life of one of your fellow citizens is more valuable than the lives of ten foreigners. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Would you date a transgender person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
As long as she was [[Chris and sex#Knowledge of sex and gender|born female and was still female]] (or a tomboy)
|-
| Do you talk about your sex life with either of your parents? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it morally right for society to allow parents of children too young to make their own decisions to deny them the medical attention they require for survival for religious reasons? ||
* Yes, it is their child after all
* No, absolutely not
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Do you think bodily fluids are inherently gross? ||
* [[Fapcup|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| How confident are you in your sexual abilities? ||
* Super confident
* Confident
* Not really confident
||
|-
| Do you believe that wealth in America is fairly distributed? ||
* [[Monthly tugboat|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| To your knowledge, do people have an unusual or humorous nickname for you? ||
* Yes, and I like it.
* Yes, but I don't like it.
* No.
||
Damn [[Trolls]] call me fat and freaking dumb and stupid when I am NOT. UGH!!!
|-
| Have you ever entered into a relationship out of desperation? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
And I am near desperate now.
|-
| Hypothetically, and if the lack of either wouldn't affect your health, which would you give up? ||
* Sex
* Sleep
||
|-
| Beards: cool or ugly? ||
* Cool
* Ugly
* Depends
||
|-
| Are you currently employed? ||
* Yes, I have a fulltime job
* No
* Part time
* I'm a student
||
|-
| How many people have you kissed that are not related to you, in a more than friendly way? ||
* 0
* 1-10
* 11-50
* 51+
||
|-
| Would you ever consider dating a Buddhist? ||
* Yes
* Hesistant, but willing
* No
* Only if he/she was non-practicing
||
|-
| "The best days of my life" are: ||
* In my future.
* [[Manchester High School|In my past.]]
* Right now.
||
|-
| What is the most exciting thing about getting to know someone new? ||
* Discovering your shared interests
* Discovering their body
||
|-
| Has anyone ever accused you of being "high maintenance"? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you happy with your life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Mainly because of being lonely from being single and PUBLICALLY Invisible.
|-
| Rate your self-confidence: ||
* Very, very high
* Higher than average
* Average
* Below average
||
|-
| Do you believe contraception is morally wrong? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is your ideal match well-off financially (or at the very least someone who has high income potential)? ||
* Yes, it's very important.
* It's somewhat important.
* It's not very important
* It's not important at all.
||
|-
| Guys with facial hair… ||
* Great!
* Okay.
* Gross!
||
|-
| Have you ever been in love? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have rape fantasies? ||
* Yes
* [[ShecameforCWC.JPG#With Megan|No]]
||
|-
| When shopping, you noticed that wealthy-looking man dropped some money on the floor while paying and didn't notice while leaving. What will you do? ||
* Take the money
* Chase the man down and return it
||
|-
| The most important question to ask yourself when making a decision is... ||
* Will everyone be happy?
* Is it the right thing to do?
* Will I get what I want?
||
|-
| Think quick! ||
* 3.14159
* 3.14195
* 3.14519
* 3.14591
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who plans to remain celibate indefinitely? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe a couple should live together before considering marriage? ||
* Yes
* No
||
It's not obligatory.
|-
| Would you ever sleep with a serial killer? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Did you ever have a "goth" phase? ||
* No.
* Yes, and I'm a little embarassed about it.
* Yes, and I'm proud of it.
* It wasn't a 'phase'!
||
|-
| If you got married, would you change your name? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you only date people with athletic and toned bodies? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever dated someone you didn't even like out of sheer loneliness? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you regularly go out partying on weeknights? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you—for any reason—read your mate's email or pose as him/her online, without his/her knowledge and permission? ||
* Yes, they shouldn't be keeping secrets anyway.
* Yes, I'd be too curious not to.
* Only if I suspected them of something.
* No, I'd trust them and that would be invasive.
||
|-
| Would you ever be willing to skip out on responsibilities (such as work, school, or such) to stay at home and have sex with someone? ||
* Yes. Sex always comes first.
* Yes. Occasionally.
* No. Never.
||
|-
| After dating someone for a while, you finally get to see where they live. He/she leaves you alone to go take a quick shower. Would you snoop? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How frequently do you bathe or shower? ||
* At least once a day.
* Usually daily. I skip some.
* A couple times a week.
* Once a week or less.
||
|-
| Which is more important in a healthy relationship? ||
* Maintaining privacy
* Total openness
||
|-
| How do you feel about living with a signficant other before marriage? ||
* Nothing wrong with that.
* Maybe, depending on the situation.
* I'm against that.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| How much would you dress up for a first date with someone you met on OkCupid? ||
* I'd go all out.
* I'd try to look nice.
* I wouldn't wear anything special.
* It would vary, depending upon their profile.
||
|-
| Do you find science to be interesting? ||
* Yes - Hard Science (Biology, Chemistry, Physics).
* Yes - Social Science (Psychology, Sociology).
* Yes - Both are interesting.
* No - None are interesting.
||
|-
| How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? ||
* I'm ready when I wake up
* Less than 1 hour
* 1 - 2 hours
* 2 hours or more
||
|-
| Do you have experience being in a slave/master relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you good at explaining things? ||
* Yes
* No
||
To the best of my ability and knowledge of the topic.
|-
| How much communication is ideal during sex? ||
* A lot! It's all about the talk.
* Just enough to get things right.
* None. Shut up so I can concentrate.
||
|-
| Cell phones: good or evil? ||
* Good
* Evil
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who has no interest in sex and experiences no sexual attraction to either gender if they were otherwise perfect? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself to be an honorable person? ||
* Yes, I always try to do the right thing.
* Sometimes, it depends on the situation.
* No, not really.
* Are you kidding? I lie, cheat , AND steal.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date a musician? ||
* Of course!
* Possibly...depending on what they do.
* I really don't know.
* Not a chance!
||
|-
| Is it important to you to have the last word in an argument? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is VERY short hair on a girl necessarily unattractive? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you wear a seatbelt when you ride in an automobile? ||
* Always.
* Most of the time.
* Usually not.
* Never.
||
|-
| Would you date a comic book geek? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like logic puzzles? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of these do you use/consult the MOST when making decisions? ||
* Mysticism/Religion/Higher Power
* Emotion/Instinct
* Logic/Reason
* Random Chance
||
|-
| How often do you interrupt people? ||
* Never.
* Rarely.
* Often.
* Always.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider dating an open-minded atheist? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Sleeping under the stars: ||
* Yes!
* No!
* Maybe!
||
|-
| Not as in whips and chains, but in general, do you prefer your partner to be... ||
* Dominant
* Submissive
* Balanced
||
|-
| You witness your next door neighbors discreetly smoking marijuana on their own property. How do you respond? ||
* I call the police immediately.
* I warn them that next time I'll call the police.
* I ask them if I can join in.
* I don't . I'm as friendly (or not) as always.
||
I'm not sure.
|-
| Would you ever eat something out of the trash? ||
* Yes
* Maybe (if it's still good)
* No
||
|-
| Do you enjoy giving oral sex? ||
* Love it!
* It's okay.
* Not so much.
* Gross!
||
|-
| Where do you primarily get the books you read? ||
* Library.
* Bookstore / Online.
* Friends.
* I don't read books.
||
|-
| Have you ever lied to a partner about your sexual history? ||
* Yes
* No
* I've never discussed my sexual history in this way
||
|-
| Imagine that you are attacked on a dark street by someone brandishing a deadly weapon. You defend yourself and are unhurt, but in doing so your actions kill the attacker. You believe there were no witnesses. Which would you do? ||
* Continue as if nothing happened.
* Notify the police.
* Call a lawyer.
* Attempt to dispose of any evidence and leave.
||
|-
| How do you feel about germs? ||
* Obsessed: I bleach anything I can't trust!
* Careful: I wash my hands and cover my sneezes.
* Polite: I always wash up when someone's watching.
* Unconcerned: I don't actively lick doorknobs.
||
|-
| Do you like dogs? Would you consider owning a dog as a pet? ||
* [[Clover and Snoopy|Yes, I would love (or do own) a dog.]]
* I'm not too into them, but I wouldn't mind one.
* No, I dislike dogs.
* I like them, but I'm allergic.
||
|-
| Outside of work and school, how inclined are you to investigate something that interests you? ||
* Very inclined
* Somewhat inclined
* Not inclined
||
|-
| I find myself in fights with authority figures... ||
* Often
* [[Jerkops|Rarely]] / [[Manajerks|never]]
||
|-
| If you were involved in a serious relationship, at which of the following points would you begin looking for new potential partners? ||
* When the relationship was not going well.
* When I was certain the relationship was ending.
* After the relationship was formally terminated.
* All of the time.
||
|-
| If you found a valuable item that you knew was lost by someone you dislike, would you return it to them? ||
* Yes.
* No, I'd take it for myself.
* No, but I wouldn't take it for myself.
||
|-
| Can just one person significantly change the world? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When you have plans to meet someone at a certain time, it's best to be: ||
* A little early.
* A little late.
* Precisely on time.
* Whatever.
||
|-
| You are at a busy event when you come across a child who appears to be lost, alone, and distressed. How do you respond? ||
* I talk to the child and offer to help.
* I notify the authorities.
* I do nothing.
* I do something else.
||
|-
| Is your ideal sex rough or gentle? ||
* Rough
* Gentle
* I enjoy both equally
* I'm a virgin
||
|-
| Do you like going to amusement parks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When, if at all, should a child adopted at birth be told that s/he was adopted? ||
* From the very beginning/a very early age.
* Once s/he is old enough to understand/ask.
* Only if unavoidable (e.g., different skin color).
* Ideally, never.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy riding roller coasters? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never ridden a roller coaster before!
||
|-
| Do you like to cuddle? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes - It depends.
||
|-
| Would you ever date someone that is HIV positive? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't know
||
|-
| Do you go to the tanner? ||
* Yes
* No
* For special occaisons
* I get my tan naturally
||
|-
| When planning future activities with your significant other(s), do you generally like to take the lead? ||
* Yes, most of the time
* Share equally
* No, I'm not a planner. Help!
||
|-
| Which is a bigger deal for you? ||
* Telling someone you really care
* Oral sex
||
|-
| Would you date someone who's smart but achieved nothing in life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What is next in this series? 1, 4, 10, 19, 31, _ ||
* 36
* 48
* 46
* Don't know / don't care
||
|-
| If you were going to have a child, would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* This would not be an important factor to me.
||
|-
| When someone speaks with a noticable accent, does that influence your opinion of their intelligence? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends upon the accent.
||
|-
| Have you ever raised an animal for food? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| What style of online writing annoys you most? ||
* It gt 2 b dis typ: cuz it showz dat dey is fik
* ThIs TyPe: It JuSt LoOkS sTuPiD..
* ALL CAPITALS: THE STYLE OF THE ATTENTION SEEKER!
* Consistent proper English: We are not at school!
||
|-
| Do you feel that voting in all elections should be required by law? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| You see a mother breastfeeding at the mall. For the most part she is covered, but you can tell what she is doing. What is your reaction? ||
* Gross!
* How sweet! What a good mom!
* No reaction, just keep shopping.
* Sexy.
||
|-
| Which of the following could you most easily live without for an entire month? ||
* Toothbrush and toothpaste.
* Phone.
* Internet.
* Porn.
||
|-
| If you had a one-night stand DURING a relationship, would you confess to your mate? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine you have only $50 and will not receive any addtional income for ten days. A show that you desperately want to see is in town for today only. The tickets are $50. Do you use all your money to buy one? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you like someone a lot, do you usually ask them out? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of these is more fascinating to you? ||
* How big the universe is.
* How small molecules are.
* Both are fascinating to think about!
* I don't think about that kind of stuff.
||
|-
| Would you and your ideal match eventually feel comfortable farting around each other? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| For which emotion is self-restraint the most crucial? ||
* [[Chris and anger|Anger]]
* Fear
* Lust
* Jealousy
||
|-
| Without using a dictionary or other tool, can you choose the commonly misspelled word? Don't cheat! It's okay if you don't know. ||
* Separate
* Definate
* Committee
* (Not sure / dumb question / who cares)
||
|-
| When men show extra courtesy toward women (opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc.), this is: ||
* Admirable and desirable. Chivalry's not dead.
* Unnecessary but appreciated.
* Sexist and insulting; women are perfectly capable.
||
|-
| Do you have an ex that you would really like to date again? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which is worse: Obesity or anorexia? ||
* Obesity.
* Anorexia.
* Both are equally bad.
* Neither is bad.
||
|-
| At the movies, do you stay for the credits? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| How are your teeth? ||
* Perfect
* [[Fangs|Okay]]
* Kinda Scraggly
* Fucked Up
||
|-
| Do you wear a suit to work (or female equivalent)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it more important to you that you are tactful, or truthful? ||
* Tactful
* [[Honest Content|Truthful]]
||
|-
| A person you're interested in attempts to cook a romantic meal for you. After tasting a bit of it, you notice it hasn't been cooked completely. What do you do? ||
* Smile and hope your gag reflex doesn't kick in.
* Tell him/her the food needs to cook a little longe
* Flat out refuse to eat it.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Immediately after having sex with a partner, which of the following sounds most appealing? ||
* Cuddling with them.
* Doing my own thing.
* Sleeping.
* Masturbating or having sex again.
||
|-
| Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have a living will? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever told someone that you loved them when you didn't? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is a girl who's slept with 100 guys a bad person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which makes for a better first date? ||
* Coffee and chit-chat
* Drinks and groping
||
|-
| Would you date someone who is bisexual? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When was your favorite book written? If you have more than one favorite, pick your favorite period of literature. ||
* Pre-1700 (Renaissance/medieval/classical/ancient)
* 1700-1900 (Elizabethan, Romantic, Victorian, etc.)
* 1900-1945ish (Modern)
* 1950s or later (Contemporary)
||
|-
| Do you have a car? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you usually vote in presidential (or applicable) elections? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which is more important in determining whether someone should be your friend? ||
* Their religious beliefs.
* Their political beliefs.
* Neither is important.
* Both are equally important.
||
|-
| Would you allow your partner to decide what you wear to bed? ||
* Yes, always.
* Yes, sometimes.
* No, never.
||
|-
| If you could 'take back' your virginity from you first partner, would you? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm still a virgin
||
|-
| How much can intelligence turn you on? ||
* A lot!
* A bit.
* Intelligence does nothing for me either way.
* Intelligence turns me off.
||
|-
| Can you remember the names of everyone you've ever had sex with? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never had sex with anyone.
||
|-
| What kind of education did you have growing up? ||
* Private school.
* Public school.
* Home school.
* Some combination of the above.
||
|-
| Do you snort when you laugh? ||
* Yes / sometimes
* No / never
||
|-
| If married, when would you expect your partner to wear a wedding ring? ||
* Most or all of the time.
* Some of the time. It's situation dependent.
* Seldom or not at all.
* Only when they want to.
||
|-
| Have you ever ridden a horse? ||
* [[:File:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg|Yes, and I enjoyed it.]]
* Yes, but I did not like it.
* No, but I would like to some day.
* No, and I do not want to.
||
|-
| How would you feel if a significant other forgot your birthday, nameday, anniversary, or something else similarly important to you? ||
* Indifferent.
* Disappointed.
* Annoyed.
* Angry.
||
|-
| Is it okay to answer your cell phone while out with a friend or on a date? ||
* Of course. Why wouldn't it be?
* Friend, yes. Date, no.
* No, that's just rude.
||
|-
| Do you have dessert after dinner? ||
* Yes, often
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you think taxes are justified? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever worked in a customer service job? ||
* [[Wendy's|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe that, when a soldier kills an enemy soldier in combat during a war, it is murder? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you performed in a theater setting as an adult? ||
* Yes, as a professional.
* Yes, as a student.
* Yes, as a hobby.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe you can communicate using only your mind (telepathy)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I wish I had all Psychic Powers.
|-
| How many hours a day do you prefer to sleep? ||
* [[Biological clock|Around 8 hours]]
* A lot less than 8 hours
* More than 8 hours
||
|-
| Do you find British comedies entertaining? ||
* They're all I watch.
* [[Monty Python|I like them quite a bit!]]
* Kind of, but I'd rather watch something else.
* Not at all.
||
|-
| Do you have (or are you getting) a degree from one of the 8 ivy league universities, MIT, Stanford, Duke, U Chicago, or Caltech? ||
* Yes
* No
* My degree is not from the U.S.
||
|-
| Do you ever intentionally try to make people angry just to see how they react? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How would learning that a potential match has served in the military affect your interest in him or her? ||
* I'd be more interested.
* I'd be less interested.
* It wouldn't matter at all.
||
|-
| When you are sleeping, do you prefer: ||
* A cold room
* A cool room
* A warm room
* A hot room
||
I'm sleeping under blankets after all.
|-
| Can most babysitters be trusted with children? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| A college-level education is... ||
* Necessary
* Nice, but not mandatory
* Unnecessary
||
|-
| If you were in a committed long-term relationship and met someone you feel an even stronger attraction to, which would you do? ||
* Continue current relationship, ignore attraction.
* Explore both relationships simultaneously.
* End the old relationship and pursue the new one.
||
|-
| Would you prefer someone extremely mellow or extremely hyper? ||
* Hyper
* Mellow
||
|-
| In a certain light, wouldn't nuclear war be exciting? ||
* Yes, it would.
* No, it wouldn't.
||
|-
| Preferred position: are you a top or a bottom? ||
* Top
* Bottom
* Versatile
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you think that people who go to jail for serious crimes deserve a second chance out in the real world? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends on the crime.
||
|-
| I would rather be.... ||
* Unemployed, broke, but busy doing things I love
* Working 60 hours a week at a job I like
* Working regular hours at a job I hate
||
|-
| Have your sexual interests become kinkier as you've grown older? ||
* Yes.
* No, they haven't changed much.
* No, just the opposite.
* No, I have no sexual interests.
||
|-
| Is [[JERKS|a guy who's slept with 100 girls]] a bad person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you more of a morning person or a night person? ||
* Morning
* Night
||
|-
| How vegetarian are you? ||
* Not at all!
* I might become one.
* I'm a flexitarian or pescatarian.
* I'm a vegetarian.
||
|-
| Do you flake out on social invitations? (Accept and change your mind at the last minute.) ||
* Sometimes
* Rarely / Never
||
|-
| Do you think most people your age would guess what kinds of music you listen to or don't listen to just by looking at you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do trees have souls? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Anything is possible.
|-
| If you came across a word you didn't know while reading, would you stop to look up its definition? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
|-
| Have you ever thrown an object in anger during an argument? ||
* Yes.
* [[Chris and anger#Examples of Chris's anger|No.]]
||
|-
| If you saw a man knitting in public what would you think? ||
* He's gay.
* He's hot.
* He's just secure in his masculinity.
* He's weird.
||
I wouldn't care; none of my business.
|-
| Do you ever feel it is important to answer questions like these in certain denominations or multiples? (e.g., You can't stop until you've answerd a multiple of 5 questions or the total number of questions you've answered ends in 2.) ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine your date starts groping you in the car while you're driving. Which would you be most likely to do? ||
* Pull over immediately and return the favor.
* Find the nearest hotel room.
* Roll with the flow and keep driving.
* Tell them to stop.
||
|-
| If your significant other turned down sex in favor of a video game, after you have already had sex three times that day, would you be offended? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Not ideally, but realistically, do you flock to the "bad" boys/girls? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think most people tell at least one lie most days? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How would you feel about a significant other [[List of toys|collecting toys that are generally considered appropriate for children]]? ||
* Positive.
* Negative.
* Neutral or indifferent.
||
|-
| Would you read a book recommended to you by a significant other? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe, depending on the book.
||
|-
| When you fall in love with someone, do you go ahead and tell them, or do you wait for them to say they love you first? ||
* I go ahead and tell them.
* I wait until they say it.
* I don't really care.
* Never been in love.
||
At least to state that I like her.
|-
| I accept other people's quirks: ||
* Enthusiastically
* Readily
* Grudgingly
* Not at all
||
|-
| Have you ever given an answer on a test or quiz that you knew with perfect certainty to be correct, even though you were confident another answer was expected and that your 'correct choice' would not receive credit? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is art important to you? ||
* [[Chris and art|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Do you want your partner to be kinkier than you? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not possible
||
|-
| Which type of education would you prefer for your children? ||
* Public.
* Private.
* Religious.
* Home.
||
|-
| Do you typically speak and write in a clear, precise manner? ||
* [[Chris and English|Yes, almost always.]]
* Yes, but only for classes/work.
* It depends on my mood.
* Ha, my language is vague and messy.
||
|-
| If you found out the person you're dating cannot achieve orgasm without being slapped hard across the face, would you be willing to satisfy them in this way? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you Google someone before a first date? ||
* Yes. Knowledge is power!
* No. Why spoil the mystery?
||
|-
| Do you have any tattoos? ||
* I have 1 or more BIG tattoos
* I have 1 or more LITTLE tattoos
* I have no tattoos
||
|-
| How important would it be for you to have a work schedule that is similar to your partner's work schedule? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| What's your take on "professional" wrestling? ||
* I love it - Give me ringside seats.
* It's ok. If it's on, I might watch.
* I don't care for it.
* I think anyone who watches it is stupid.
||
|-
| Have you typically researched the policies of companies before you bought products from them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Regardless of your actual age, do you consider yourself to be an adult? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only some of the time.
||
|-
| Do you have a child or children? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Someone you are interested in sometimes becomes very emotional over forms of art (movies, music, poetry.) How does this make you feel? ||
* They are a sissy
* It's cool / ok
* I am the same way
||
|-
| Is it easy for you to throw away things that you don't really use anymore? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Sometimes difficult sentimentally.
|-
| You have just been unfairly laid off from work. As you are leaving, you have an opportunity to steal something of value, and nobody would know. Would you take it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ever consider dating a Catholic? ||
* Yes
* Hesistant, but willing
* No
* Only if he/she was non-practicing
||
|-
| How often do you wear underwear? ||
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
||
Panties and Sports Bra; I am a Tomgirl.
|-
| Imagine that, through some misfortune, your significant other loses the ability to have sex again. Do you stay with them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if we're free to have sex with someone else.
||
|-
| Would you date someone with a mental illness? ||
* Yes
* Depends on the illness
* Only if they're symptom free through treatment
* No
||
|-
| Do you usually blurt things out, or do you think carefully before speaking? ||
* Blurt it out
* Think carefully
||
|-
| What do you think of laws that make smoking illegal in bars and restaurants? ||
* I support the laws
* I oppose the laws
||
|-
| Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is 'seeing someone' or 'married'? ||
* Yes to both
* No to both
* Yes to 'seeing someone' only
* Yes to 'married' only
||
|-
| Do you believe that art and literature courses are important to students, even if they are majoring in other fields? ||
* Yes, absolutely.
* I like them, but don't know if they're important.
* No, why waste their time?
||
|-
| Do you like the taste of beer? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Should healthcare be funded by the government? ||
* Yes, for everyone.
* Yes, but only for certain people.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you know CPR? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only the basics/never finished the course.
||
|-
| Do you pick up after yourself? Be honest. ||
* Always.
* Yeah, when I have the time.
* No, I live in filth.
* No, my mom/roommate/partner mostly does it for me.
||
|-
| Guys/girls who are tall and lanky: ||
* Love it!
* Hate it!
* Don't particularly care
||
|-
| Have you ever purchased a math textbook purely for your own enjoyment? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself to be good at clear verbal communication? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself to be a picky eater? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Someone you like is drunkenly flirting with you. You know that with a sober mind this person would never engage in casual sex, but now it seems that they're willing. What do you do? ||
* Take advantage of the situation
* Absolutely nothing
||
|-
| You're dating someone new. You discover that they have a housemate the same sex as you. This: ||
* Makes you feel uncomfortable
* Doesn't faze you one bit
||
|-
| Do you enjoy crossword puzzles or jumbled word puzzles? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you run into a burning building to rescue your pet? ||
* Yes, without a doubt
* No, it's only an animal
* I'm not sure/Depends on the conflagration
* I don't have a pet
||
|-
| Imagine you're having the perfect conversation with your ideal partner. What are you doing? ||
* Telling stories
* Debating
* Agreeing
* Making plans
||
|-
| Who is more annoying, the person who talks too much or the person who doesn't talk enough? ||
* The person who talks too much.
* The person who doesn't talk enough.
||
|-
| Would you be turned off by the idea of dating someone who has never been kissed? ||
* Yes
* No
* Don't know
||
|-
| You've been gone for a day, and didn't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend where you were, you come to find ten messages on your answering machine from him/her. You find this... ||
* Unsettling
* A bit much, but understandable
* Very sweet
* I wouldn't think anything of it
||
|-
| Have you ever faked an orgasm during sex? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you created a 'Things To Do Before I Die' list? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date a recovering (non-drinking) alcoholic? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| On average, which best describes how often you GET WICKED DRUNK? ||
* Twice a week or more
* Weekly / Bi-Weekly
* Once every month or three.
* Seldom or never.
||
|-
| If your significant other actively participates in an activity that you are not really interested in, would you go to offer support if they wanted you to? ||
* Yes, as often as I could.
* Yes, I'd go occasionally.
* Maybe once or twice, to say I did.
* No, I would not.
||
|-
| You're out on the street and you encounter some people speaking a foreign language. What's your reaction? ||
* You're in our country; speak our language!
* No big deal.
* Cool, what language are they speaking?
* (in their language) Hi, how are you?
||
|-
| How would you react if a partner bought you an outfit to be worn during sex? ||
* Positively.
* Negatively.
* Indifferently.
* It would depend upon the outfit.
||
|-
| Does silence make you uncomfortable? ||
* Yes
* No
* Depends on the situation
||
|-
| If someone identifies as a feminist, does that raise or lower your opinion of them? ||
* It raises my opinion.
* It lowers my opinion.
* It has no effect on my opinion.
||
|-
| What would be more likely to bother you in a relationship? ||
* Not enough space
* Not enough affection
||
|-
| Do you have a survival kit prepared just in case a disaster occurs and normal services are disrupted for an extended period of time? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| You're on a first date at a restaurant. You're most likely to order: ||
* Something relatively inexpensive.
* Something light and healthy.
* Something that isn't too messy to eat.
* Whatever I want, of course.
||
|-
| Do you believe that your government should fund embryonic stem cell research that would require the destruction of additional human embryos? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
* I don't care.
||
|-
| Which describes you better? ||
* Warm-hearted
* Cool-headed
||
|-
| Should governments control population by placing legal limits on childbearing? ||
* Yes.
* No, that violates human rights.
* No, that is against my spiritual beliefs.
* No, for other reasons.
||
|-
| Do you like wearing formal attire? ||
* Yes, I love dressing up.
* Occasionally, when I need to.
* No / It makes me uncomfortable.
* No opinion/Never had to
||
|-
| Do you enjoy crude humor, dirty jokes, and the like? ||
* Yes, and I often try to push the boundaries!
* Usually, yes.
* Not in most cases, no.
* Absolutely not at all.
||
|-
| Are you a good liar? ||
* Yes
* [[List of Chris's lies|No]]
||
|-
| Would you consider having sex in a graveyard? ||
* Yes, anything goes.
* Yes, but only with the living.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you make any special efforts to support small, independent businesses instead of the big chains? ||
* Yes, I support the little guys whenever I can.
* No, I prefer dealing with big business chains.
* I support whoever has superior products/services.
* This does not concern me at all.
||
|-
| Say you're with someone you really care about, and they reveal their deepest, darkest secret. Which of the following would be most likely to scare you away? ||
* [[April 16 Fetish Vids|A sexual fetish.]]
* [[Chris and anger|A bad temper.]]
* [[Autism|A mild mental illness.]]
* [[Chris and money#Credit cards|A history of bad credit.]]
||
|-
| If a very skinny stray cat were to come to your doorstep, would you feed it, believing that if you did, it would probably keep coming back? ||
* Yes - I would consider adopting it.
* Yes, but I could make no further commitment to it.
* No - Someone else should feed it.
* No - I would try to scare it away.
||
|-
| You are interested in someone, and you discover that they were a nerd in high school. How does this affect your opinion of them? ||
* Favorably.
* Unfavorably.
* It makes no difference.
||
|-
| Do you lift weights? ||
* [[11042009 51 50|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have instant ramen noodles ever been your nutritional mainstay for more than 2 weeks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is a sinful or immoral thought just as bad as acting on that thought? ||
* Yes, it's just as bad.
* No, it's not as bad.
* A thought can't be sinful or immoral.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who has been divorced more than once? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever dyed your hair a real crazy, unnatural color? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Should drunk drivers who kill people in auto crashes face the death penalty? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you allow a pet to sleep on your bed? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
|-
| Of the following, which do you spend the most time doing while taking a bath or shower? ||
* Washing and/or conditioning.
* Shaving.
* Relaxing.
* Masturbating.
||
|-
| Your significant other's family speaks a different language, and will accept you more easily if you speak it. Do you: ||
* Learn it by taking classes
* Try to pick it up along the way
* Do nothing
||
|-
| You're shopping for something and have three versions to choose from. Which do you pick? ||
* The one with the most style.
* The one with the most features.
* The one with the lowest price.
||
|-
| In a potential mate, is ditzyness a turn-on or a turn-off? ||
* Turn-on. I find scatterbrained people cute.
* Turn-off. I find easily-confused types annoying.
* I'm neutral / it depends on their other traits.
||
|-
| Do you believe that scientific investigation is the only effective method to gain meaningful knowledge about the universe? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| How often do you tell your platonic friends that you love them? ||
* Almost every time I see them.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| A difference of opinion over which of the following topics would most likely make you think twice about dating someone? ||
* Abortion
* Politics
* Death Penalty
* None of these would.
||
|-
| In a certain light, couldn't being homeless be exciting? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Should adults be required by law to wear seatbelts when riding as passengers in automobiles? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer it if fashion models were the same size and bodytype as the average citizen? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Jealousy: healthy or unhealthy, in the context of a relationship? ||
* Healthy
* Unhealthy
||
|-
| Would you object to someone bringing a young child along on a first date? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you like putting together jigsaw puzzles? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which is worse: starving children or abused animals? ||
* Starving children.
* Abused animals.
* Neither, both are good.
* Neither, they are equally bad.
||
|-
| Could you be in a relationship with someone who had been previously sexually abused? ||
* Yes
* Yes - if that didn't affect our sex life.
* I'm Not Sure
* No
||
|-
| Do you look up lyrics on the internet for songs that you like? ||
* Often.
* Sometimes.
* Seldom.
* Never.
||
|-
| Consider the recent fictional movies you have watched. Which of the following aspects do you find most disturbing? ||
* Sex.
* Violence.
* Racial or cultural stereotyping.
* None of the above disturbs me.
||
|-
| Do you space out or daydream a lot? ||
* All the time
* Rarely / never
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Would you say your actions are guided more by your head or your heart? ||
* Head
* Heart
* Genitalia
||
|-
| Would you ever use paper plates just to avoid doing dishes? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you leave the lights on after leaving a room when they are no longer necessary? ||
* Always - I don't think about turning lights off.
* Usually - This isn't very important.
* Sometimes - I try to save energy but do forget.
* Rarely or never - That would be wasteful.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider having a friendship based primarily on sex, with no intentions for love, romance, or long-term commitment? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy provoking people just to get a response. ||
* Often.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you read the dedications and introductions when you're reading a book? ||
* Yes, always or almost always
* Occasionally, if I'm interested
* No, I just get right to it
* I don't read / don't read books with introductions
||
|-
| How important is it that your partner be willing and able to participate in meaningful philosophical conversations? ||
* Extremely important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| Do you ever drink alcohol in order to lower your inhibitions with the opposite sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does netspeak (e.g., afk, brb, How RU?, lol, rotfl, ttyl, etc.) bother you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Some of the time - It depends.
* I don't know.
||
|-
| Have you ever spent more than 8 hours straight playing video games? ||
* Yes
* No.
* Anyone who does is a loser.
||
|-
| Do you own a gun? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you okay with people who grow marijuana for their own personal use? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think that the psychological differences between human males and females are better explained by nature or nurture? ||
* Nature.
* Nurture.
* The two play a nearly equal role.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When you offer criticism, how is it most often received? ||
* As constructive.
* As destructive.
* Some of both - It depends upon the situation.
* I don't offer criticism.
||
|-
| When you are feeling down or blue, which is most comforting to you? ||
* Food.
* Sex.
* Exercise.
* Music.
||
|-
| Would you consider performing anilingus on a partner who asked you to? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you had to guess, do you think humans will go extinct in the next 1000 years? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I don't know.
|-
| How much does physical attractiveness matter to you in a match? ||
* A lot
* A little
* Not at all
||
|-
| For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you gamble? ||
* Often.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| How do you usually feel toward authority figures (teachers/instructors, police officers, etc.)? ||
* Grateful or appreciative
* Aggressive or angry
* Indifferent
* Sexually attracted
||
But SERIOUSLY Upset at the corrupted [[Jerkops]].
|-
| Imagine you have a partner who is able to provide financially for you and any children. Would you consider taking a stay-at-home role? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you ever pick food off of other people's plates? ||
* Yes, without asking.
* Yes, but only after asking.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever been married? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in karma? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you try new things (food, activities, music, whatever) that you've never tried before? ||
* Several times per week, or more.
* Several times per month.
* Several times per year.
* Rarely or never.
||
|-
| Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in school? ||
* Yes, students should hear both sides
* No, creationism has no place in schools
* No, evolution has no place in schools
||
|-
| What's the highest level of education you've completed? ||
* Graduate School
* College
* High School
* Junior High
||
|-
| Is there a point in a relationship where it can get "too serious"? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine you've been dating someone. After a year, they explain to you for the first time that they can see ghosts/spirits. How would you react? ||
* I'd immediately terminate the relationship.
* I'd be excited about the possibilities.
* I'd encourage a psychiatric evaluation.
* I'd compare notes because I can see them, too.
||
|-
| Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before actually having them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When it comes to art, do you prefer works that are abstract or representational? ||
* Abstract.
* Representational.
* I like both kinds equally.
* I'm not a big fan of art.
||
|-
| If you found out your partner was cheating on you, would you cheat on them in revenge? ||
* Yes, they have it coming!
* No, I'd confront them.
* No, I'd dump them on the spot.
* Maybe, if one of their friends is cute.
||
|-
| Which would you rather lose? ||
* the right to bear arms
* the right to vote
||
|-
| What haircolor, or shade, do you prefer? ||
* Dark (Black, Brown, Auburn)
* Light (Blonde, Light Brown, Red)
* Other (Neon, Obviously Dyed)
* I have no preference
||
|-
| Which of the following would you consider yourself? ||
* Neat Freak
* Clean, but can deal with a little mess
* Average
* Messy
||
|-
| How do you describe yourself politically? ||
* As a Republican
* As a Democrat
* As a an Independent/Something Else
* None of these / I'm not American
||
Moderate
|-
| How important is it that incoming messages on OkCupid come from people who have a high match percentage with you? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| Your family dog/cat is diagnosed with an illness, and the vet bill will be $2,000. Do you : ||
* Save Fluffy--to hell with the expense!
* Grudgingly pay the bill.
* Have Fluffy put down
||
|-
| How do you feel about people with past addictions? ||
* Completely uninterested
* Extremely hesitant
* A little hesitant
* Totally fine
||
|-
| How important is it to you that a potential partner continues to educate himself/herself as an adult? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
* Actually, this would be a turn-off.
||
It is one's choice to further educate.
|-
| If you were to be with one person for the rest of your life, which of the following would you fear most? ||
* Partner's unfaithfulness.
* Partner's eventual unattractiveness.
* Insufficient sex.
* Lack of communication.
||
|-
| Do animals have "souls" like humans do? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Other than when going to bed for the night, how often do you fall asleep while watching TV? ||
* Frequently.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
But I have it tuned to Music Choice Easy Listening.
|-
| When chatting with a potential friend/significant other online, is use of proper grammar and spelling important to you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| War. What is it good for? ||
* Absolutely nothing.
* Some things.
* Many things.
* Everything.
||
|-
| How trusting are you where it concerns your government? ||
* Completely.
* Somewhat.
* Not at all.
||
|-
| When cooking food in the microwave, do you often impatiently hit the cancel button within the last few seconds rather than waiting? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't have/use a microwave
||
|-
| Have you smoked a cigarette in the last 6 months? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which is closest to your reaction to foul language? ||
* It doesn't bother me at all.
* It's ok as long as it isn't every other word.
* It bothers me a little.
* It bothers me a lot.
||
|-
| Do you laugh when somebody trips and falls? ||
* Yes, almost always
* No, almost never
* Occasionally
||
|-
| How would you describe your body? ||
* Slender
* Average
* Athletic
* Voluptuous
||
|-
| Goth chicks? ||
* Sexy
* Lame
* I don't know
||
|-
| Excluding childhood fights, have you ever punched someone in the face? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What's your opinion of male crossdressers? ||
* [[Tomgirl Saga|I have no problem with them. You go girls!]]
* I respect them, but they still freak me out.
* Whatever they do in private is their business.
* I do not approve of them.
||
|-
| Did a parent or guardian ever actually wash your mouth out with soap? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine you are put on hold while making a telephone call. A song you like comes on while you wait. Would you sing along? ||
* Yes, definitely.
* Probably.
* Probably not.
* No, defintely not.
||
|-
| When telling stories, do you like to exaggerate? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think you can tell how good someone is at sex by how they move on the dance floor? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think a girl with hairy underarms is necessarily unattractive? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner. ||
* All the time!
* Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.
* Sometimes. It depends.
* Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.
||
|-
| What is the longest you have gone without sleep? ||
* Less than 18 hours.
* 18 to 24 hours.
* 24 to 36 hours.
* More than 36 hours.
||
|-
| Do you play or have you ever played a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game? ||
* I enjoy playing them
* I'm a recovering addict - never again
* No, but I'd like to try one
* Not my type of thing / NO IDEA
||
|-
| Honestly, which do you do more of? ||
* Watch television
* Read
||
|-
| Do you know the first name of every person you've ever made out with? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Has Christianity made the world better or worse? ||
* Better
* Worse
* No opinion / Not sure
||
|-
| How important is art in your daily life? ||
* Very Important
* Somewhat Important
* Not Important
* I don't care
||
|-
| How do you feel about falling in love? ||
* I love it and want it very much
* I try to avoid it
* I like to just let it happen
* I'm indifferent / not sure
||
|-
| Which of the following would you be most disturbed to find in a 13-year-old child's room? ||
* Condoms.
* Illegal drugs.
* Pornography.
* Weapons.
||
|-
| During a romantic evening at your significant others' house, he or she puts on a slow song and asks you to dance. How would you respond? ||
* Very romantic! I'm up for it!
* I think its corny, but I'll do it anyway!
* Not my kinda thing.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Sharing a toothbrush with your partner is… ||
* Utterly disgusting
* Okay, sometimes
* A sign of closeness
||
|-
| How do you generally feel about people who tend to hug others whom they've just met? ||
* More positive than negative.
* More negative than positive.
* Indifferent.
||
|-
| Do you work out a lot? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be? ||
* Love
* Wealth
* Expression
* Knowledge
||
|-
| Imagine you are at a social event and your partner says something you disagree with strongly. Which of the following would you most likely do? ||
* I'd support them even though I disagree.
* I'd just keep quiet.
* I'd politely disagree.
* I'd argue my point aggressively.
||
|-
| How often do you meditate? ||
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Have you ever had a true one-night stand? (You met someone, had sex that night, and never contacted each other again.) ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you a 'double dipper'? In other words, do you ever take a bite of food and then dip it back into a shared sauce or dip? ||
* Yes, I double dip indiscriminately.
* Yes, but only with family or close friends.
* Yes, but only with a partner.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Have you ever blacked out from drunkenness? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If a significant other requested that you stop wearing antiperspirant or deodorant, is this something you would seriously consider? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I am already totally 'natural' in this way.
||
|-
| Suppose you're dating someone who seems to have long-term potential. You discover that they want to urinate on you during sex. Would you consider staying with this person? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could Evolution and Intelligent Design both be right? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you prefer the people in your life to be simple or complex? ||
* Simple
* Complex
||
|-
| How often in conversation are you likely to use an exact quote from a movie, play, or TV show? ||
* [[Things Chris has ripped off|Once a day or more.]]
* Every few days or so.
* Once a week or less.
* I never do this or I no longer do this.
||
TV! We talk TV! You talk some TV?<ref>http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0003346/quotes</ref>
|-
| Would you date someone just for the sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were to receive one month's salary as a gift, which of the following would come to mind first? ||
* Save it.
* Spend it.
* Pay off debt.
||
|-
| With respect to sex drive, which of the following has created problems in your prior relationships? ||
* Having a partner with a greater sex drive.
* Having a partner with a weaker sex drive.
* Both of the above.
* Neither of the above.
||
|-
| Pick the best date on this list: ||
* A really nice restaurant
* A really divey bar
* A day at the beach
||
|-
| Do you prefer to eat organic food? ||
* Yes, as much as possible
* I would, but it's too expensive
* Sometimes, if it's easy to get
* No / Don't Care
||
|-
| Does hanging out in an empty field, in the middle of no where, at 2am to watch a meteor shower sound like fun to you? ||
* Heck yeah! I'll bring the hot cocoa/coffee/tea.
* I've never done it but it sounds like fun.
* I could take it or leave it.
* Sounds like a complete waste of time.
||
|-
| Overall, do you think that what you do (or plan to do) for a living makes the world a better or worse place? ||
* Better.
* Worse.
* No impact.
* I neither work nor plan to.
||
|-
| Do you believe there is some unique human quality that separates us from animals? ||
* Yes, and it was given to us by God
* Yes, but it has nothing to do with God
* No, we are just animals
* I dont know
||
|-
| Is a tongue stud a turn-on? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you pose nude for a magazine? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
If I got paid to do it.
|-
| How important is it to you to have your own unique "thing" (like a weekly Girls' Night Out or Guys' Movie Night) that you don't share with your partner(s)? ||
* Very - I need some ME time to be happy
* Sort of - I need friends outside of my partner
* Not much - I like sharing stuff with my partner
* I'd prefer not to have exclusive things
||
|-
| While evaluating someone you are dating, do you find yourself placing much importance on how good of a parent you think they'll make? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Just a little.
||
|-
| Do you wish things like vampires, fairies, werewolves, ghosts, or something along those lines were real? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Specifically, my own [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] characters and my [[CWCVille|city of Cwcville]].
|-
| Have you ever formed an opinion about a stranger in a grocery store, based primarily on the items he or she is buying? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is it possible for your partner to be too ambitious? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is being "in-style" with regards to fashion important to you? ||
* Yes, Extremely
* [[Chris and fashion|Yeah, sometimes]]
* Not really
* No Way!
||
|-
| How do you feel about government-subsidized food programs (free lunch, food stamps, etc.)? ||
* No problem
* It's okay, if it is not abused
* Okay for short amounts of time
* Never – Get a job
||
|-
| Do you believe in fate? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Hypothetically, do you think you would be good at being a porn star? ||
* [[Chris and ego|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Personally, is sex in a public place hotter than indoor sex? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure / Wouldn't know
||
|-
| Do you hang out with the same group of friends almost every time you go out? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Can two people fall in love without ever meeting in person? ||
* Yes.
* [[Blanca Weiss|No.]]
||
|-
| Where did you graduate in your high school class? ||
* Top 5%
* Top 20%
* [[Honor Roll|Top Half]]
* Bottom Half
||
|-
| Would you prefer to live in an old house with character and history or a brand spanking new one? ||
* Old
* New
||
|-
| If I saw someone checking out my significant other, I'd feel: ||
* flattered / proud
* protective / concerned
* unchanged
||
|-
| Would you ever record a video of yourself having sex? ||
* Yes
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only|No]]
||
|-
| Have you ever intentionally left a book in a public place, hoping someone else would pick it up and read it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you more often get angry with yourself or with other people? ||
* Myself
* [[Chris and Anger|Others]]
||
|-
| Do you like to go clubbing? ||
* Yes, I prefer to go alone.
* Yes, I prefer to go with a date.
* Yes, I prefer to go with friends.
* No. I do not like to go clubbing.
||
|-
| Would you consider living with a partner who does not want any pets? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to adopt a child? ||
* Yes
* No
* I only want adopted children.
* I don't want children.
||
|-
| You're in a cabin and it is freezing cold. If you don't start a fire soon, you will surely die. You only have two flammable items for kindling. Which do you use to get the fire going? ||
* My country's flag.
* The only copy of a great and important book.
* Neither - I'd rather freeze to death.
* Both - I have no hesitation burning either.
||
|-
| How do you feel about age differences in relationships? ||
* I prefer someone close to my own age
* I prefer someone older
* [[Pedofork|I prefer someone younger]]
* Doesn't matter to me
||
|-
| Are you smarter than most people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you, or have you ever, read a text book or technical manual for fun/pleasure? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You are more romantic than most people you know. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Have you ever gone white water rafting? ||
* Yes, I love it
* No, never
* Yes, but never again
* No, but I'd like to
||
|-
| Once you're intimate, how often would you and your significant other have sex? ||
* Every day
* About every other day
* Once or twice a week
* A few times a month or less
||
|-
| Do you have names planned out for future children? ||
* [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes.]]
* No.
* No, and I'm not planning on any future children.
||
|-
| If you hooked up with someone and a pregnancy unexpectedly resulted, would you feel that you should get married? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you own any shiny or form-fitting clothing? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever cosplayed? (Dressed up as a comic/anime character) ||
* [[Chris and cosplaying|Yes]]
* No, and I wouldn't be interested
* No, but it sounds cool
||
|-
| How do you feel about the Pro-Ana movement (anorexic women forming support groups to encourage each other in anorexia)? ||
* It horrifies me
* I guess they can do what they want if they're 18
* People have an unqualified right to their own body
* I'm not sure
||
I would support it if it was towards Recovery, not the sad act.
|-
| Some religions are more correct than others. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships? ||
* Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong.
* Guy-on-guy is okay, but girl-on-girl is wrong.
* All same-sex relationships are wrong.
* It's all fine by me.
||
|-
| Do you masturbate? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you an intellectual? In the context of this question, intellectual means someone who loves learning, often for its own sake. ||
* Yes
* No
* I find learning boring
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is a full-time student? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you like holding hands? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like traveling? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think it is possible for someone to be an Atheist and still have a solid moral framework by which to live? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is interracial marriage a bad idea? ||
* Yes
* No
||
It is good for some people, but I would not date a black woman
|-
| Have you ever had an abortion/requested a mate to get one? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like fireplaces? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't know.
||
|-
| Are you a Buddhist? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it okay to live with someone you're dating, even before you're engaged or married? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you know what a 'safeword' is, in a sexual context? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have any "extreme" piercings (this includes anything other than ears, nose, or navel)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex? ||
* Yes, and I enjoyed myself.
* Yes, and I did not enjoy myself.
* No, and I would never.
* No, but I would like to.
||
|-
| Do you mind getting really dirty working or playing outside? ||
* No - I'm never clean!
* No - I clean up well.
* Yes - I hate dirt!
||
|-
| Are you totally comfortable being naked around your lover, not just during sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Did America really put a man on the moon? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If a close friend doesn't call you for a week, do you start worrying that he hates you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can you change a tire on your own? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone a LOT more sexually experienced than you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe that regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you kiss on the first date? ||
* Under the right circumstance, Yes
* Never
* Always
||
I would let it be her choice.
|-
| Do you hunt animals for sport? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer to date someone way dumber than you, or way smarter? ||
* Way smarter
* Way dumber
||
|-
| Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you? ||
* Yes
* [[Third date|No]]
||
|-
| Have you ever lead someone on romantically just for fun? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you Jewish? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you feel nauseated at the sight of blood? ||
* Yes, if it's someone else's.
* Yes, if it's mine.
* Yes to both above.
* No
||
|-
| Would you be willing to go shopping for sex toys? ||
* [[Sex toys|Yes.]]
* No.
* Online only.
||
|-
| Have you ever had unwanted hair removed by waxing? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| The idea of gay and lesbian couples having children is: ||
* Acceptable.
* Not acceptable.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who doesn't own a car? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think physical love is necessary for happiness in life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Touching/holding hands minimal
|-
| If a potential partner has children living in their home, would it be important for you to meet them before you commited yourself to a relationship? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| In a conversation are you usually... ||
* Listening
* Waiting to speak
||
|-
| Is it okay for a girl to talk openly about her sexual exploits? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Some friends invite you to go camping where there are no showers, no toilets, and no services. The only luxuries would be those you could carry in a pack on your back. Do you go? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who was looking for true love - but no sex, at all, ever? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does someone who refuses to take care of their body (e.g. diet, cleanliness, etc.) have the right to complain about not getting laid? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't want to answer this question
||
|-
| People who throw cigarette butts out of their car window... ||
* Are not doing any real harm
* Are being insensitive and/or rude
||
|-
| How does having sex with someone usually affect your emotional attachment to them? ||
* I become more attached.
* I become less attached.
* I told you. I'm a virgin.
* It stays about the same.
||
|-
| Who do you think was smartest on this list? ||
* Einstein
* Shakespeare
* Mozart
* Jesus
||
|-
| Agree or disagree: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (or the one)." ||
* Agree
* Disagree
||
|-
| If someone described themselves as 'just an average guy/gal', how would this most likely affect your opinion of them? ||
* Positively.
* Negatively.
* It would depend on other factors.
||
|-
| How many children would you ideally like to have? ||
* None
* 1-2
* 3-4
* 5 or more!
||
|-
| Would you date someone who still lives with his/her parents? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How should people spell "women"? ||
* Women
* Womyn, or other feminist spelling revisions
* I don't care either way
||
|-
| Do humans and modern primates (apes, chimps, etc) share a common evolutionary ancestor? ||
* Yes
* No
* Unsure
||
|-
| You have a one-time opportunity to use a machine with a numbered dial, which, when turned, adds that number to both your IQ and your weight. What do you do? ||
* Turn it up -- I'd love the extra smarts.
* Turn it down -- I'm smart 'n' chunky
* Don't touch that dial -- I like myself as is.
||
|-
| Have you ever tried any sexual roleplaying, such as student/teacher or patient/nurse? ||
* All the time. It really turns me on!
* Yes, on occasion. I have to be in the mood.
* No, but it sounds interesting.
* No, and it isn't going to happen. Ever.
||
|-
| How often are you open with your feelings? ||
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Do you like watching foreign movies with subtitles? ||
* Yes
* No
* Can’t answer without a subtitle
||
|-
| If one of your potential matches were overweight, would that be a dealbreaker? ||
* Yes, even if they were slightly overweight.
* Yes, but only if they were obese.
* No.
* No, in fact I prefer overweight people.
||
|-
| Would you do a striptease for your mate? ||
* [[Little Tomboy Blue|Yes]]
* No
* Maybe / Unsure
||
|-
| In your current music collection, do you have more independent artists or big name superstars? ||
* Independent
* Big name superstars
* A mix of both
* I don't have a music collection
||
|-
| Is it ever okay to [[Death threats|kill another human being]]? ||
* Yes.
* Yes, to save your own life.
* Yes, if the government orders it.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you remember dreams that you had as a child? ||
* Yes, only good dreams.
* Yes, only bad dreams.
* [[Dreams|Yes, both good and bad dreams.]]
* No.
||
|-
| How frequently do you drink alcohol? ||
* Very often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| If you were going away for two weeks, how far in advance would you start packing? ||
* I would pack at least two days before I leave.
* I would pack on the day before I leave.
* I would pack on the same day I leave.
* I would not pack at all.
||
|-
| Do you have any credit cards? ||
* [[Chris and money#Credit cards|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Do you like horror movies? ||
* [[Saw|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Before people find out your real age, what do they usually assume? ||
* That I'm younger than I really am.
* That I'm older than I really am.
* They are usually very close.
* I haven't noticed a pattern.
||
|-
| Psychic tells Joe he's going to have a car accident.... Joe does. What most likely happened? ||
* Psychic really did see the event ahead of time
* Joe believed so much he made/allowed it happen
* Chance: Car accidents aren't so rare
||
|-
| Is it okay to search your child's room, to make sure they aren't doing anything you don't want them to do? ||
* Yes.
* Only with probable cause.
* No, their right to privacy is too important.
||
|-
| Boardgames? ||
* I love boardgames, let's go play.
* Boardgames are okay, I guess.
* I'd rather do something else.
||
|-
| You just prepared some food in your kitchen and made a mess. Do you: ||
* Clean up immediately.
* Clean up immediately after eating.
* Postpone the cleanup for later.
* Not cleanup at all.
||
|-
| What kind of shape are you in? ||
* Great
* [[Chris and health|Average]]
* Shitty
||
Physically: Average; Mentally: [[Stress|Stressed]]; Emotionally: Fair to Good.
|-
| What do you usually wear when you sleep? ||
* Pajamas.
* Underwear.
* Nothing.
* Something else.
||
|-
| Would you consider being in a relationship with someone who has had homosexual sex? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure / Depends how serious it was
||
Only with Straight, Lesbians or Bi-Women.
|-
| Do you usually add salt to your meals? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are your birth parents divorced? ||
* Yes
* No
* They were never married!
||
|-
| What is your position on hunting? ||
* I approve of hunting for food and sport.
* I approve of hunting for food only.
* I do not approve of hunting at all.
||
|-
| Does the car someone drives say a lot about their character? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you used psychedelic drugs (LSD, mescaline, peyote, etc.) or would you like to? ||
* Yes, I have used psychedelic drugs.
* No, I have not used them and I would not try them.
* No, I have not used them but I would try them.
||
|-
| How much does the sound of a person's voice affect their attractiveness to you? ||
* A lot
* [[BlueSpike#Julie|A little]]
* Not at all
||
|-
| Is it easy for you to achieve orgasm? ||
* Yes, with skill and sometimes patience
* Yes, any time the wind picks up
* No, and I find it somewhat frustrating
* No, but don't worry, I'm enjoying myself
||
|-
| How often do you do things out of spite? ||
* Very often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| In a serious relationship, do you feel it's important to keep your significant other informed of the details of your day-to-day life? ||
* Yes
* No
* Some
* I don't do serious relationships
||
|-
| Are you fetish-friendly? ||
* Bring out the toys!
* Never tried it, but I'm open-minded.
* Not sure/don't know what they really are.
* Ew!
||
|-
| How do you feel about documentaries? ||
* Yay!
* Okay
* NO.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider having sex in a church? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How often do you use profane language? ||
* Never
* Once in a while
* Often
* Almost always
||
Mostly when I am feeling really stressed.
|-
| Do you believe that your vote makes a difference? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Other than as an end to suffering, have you ever truly hoped that another person would die? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| What is your opinion on freckles? ||
* They turn me on. The more the merrier!
* They turn me off. Give me flawless skin, please.
* I could take them or leave them.
* A light dusting can be cute.
||
|-
| Are you accepting of other people? ||
* I'm highly benevolent
* I'm selective
* I'm fussy
* I'm a hard-nosed bastard
||
|-
| Have you ever been cruel to another person? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy reading and/or watching Shakespearean plays? ||
* Yes
* No / Not really / Only for school
||
|-
| Who would you rather compete against? ||
* Someone less skilled than yourself
* Someone evenly matched
* Someone more skilled
||
|-
| Are you, or have you ever been, in a band? (A solo act is fine, too. Don't count school bands.) ||
* Yes
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|No]]
||
|-
| If a government were [[Kick the Autistic|brutally oppressing you]], what would you do? ||
* Organize peaceful resistance
* Join the opressive government
* Move/escape away to a benign power
* Break out the .50 sniper rounds
||
|-
| Do you enjoy discussing politics? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you skimp on sleep during the week and "catch up" on it during the weekend? ||
* Routinely.
* Somewhat often.
* Only under special circumstances.
* Never.
||
Not sure
|-
| Could you date someone who does drugs? ||
* No
* Yes, but only soft stuff like marijuana
* Yes
||
|-
| Have you ever attended a political demonstration or convention? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were out to dinner and your date was a vegetarian would you still order meat? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure/ I would ask them first
* I'm vegetarian too
||
|-
| Do spelling mistakes annoy you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever created a piece of art for a friend, just because you were thinking of them? ||
* [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| What is too big of an age gap between you and a partner? ||
* 5 years
* 10 years
* 15 years
* Age is just a number
||
|-
| Do you write creatively (novels, plays, poetry, and so forth)? ||
* [[Chris and writing#Chris as a poet and lyricist|Call me Shakespeare]]
* Yes; only for assignments, though
* Not really / no
||
|-
| How often do you brush your teeth? ||
* Twice or more a day
* Once a day
* Only on days I feel like it
* Rarely / never
||
|-
| Do you talk in your sleep? ||
* Yes / Sometimes
* No / Very Rarely
* I'm Not Sure / Maybe
||
|-
| In the line “Wherefore art thou Romeo?,” what does “wherefore” mean? ||
* Why
* Where
* How
* Who cares / wtf?
||
|-
| When facing a complicated situation, can you easily put yourself in another person's shoes and consequently see things from his or her point of view? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
It would take a little while for me, but I do have empathy.
|-
| Would you enjoy going to an all night dance party? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Maybe
|-
| Do people that you've dated/tried to date ever tell you that you're just too "nice"? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you live without the Internet? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Your date for the evening surprises you with a pair of opera tickets. You ||
* ask whether Domingo or Carreras is singing.
* say 'I've never been before, but fun!'
* go along to avoid hurting your date's feelings.
* develop a sudden, severe case of the flu.
||
|-
| When you've just been to a great movie, read a great book, or listened to a great albumn, how would you rather discuss it? ||
* Recommend it to someone who isn't familiar with it
* Analyze it with someone who is familiar with it.
* I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself.
||
|-
| Which are you better at remembering, names or faces? ||
* Names.
* Faces.
||
|-
| Do you think angry or pornographic music lyrics should be kept, by law, away from kids? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which makes for a better relationship? ||
* Passion
* Dedication
||
|-
| Would you rather… ||
* be tied up during sex
* do the tying
* avoid bondage all together
||
|-
| Which is your favorite season? ||
* Summer.
* Fall.
* Winter.
* Spring.
||
|-
| How far would you be willing to travel to meet a person of interest who also has a high match percentage for you here on OkCupid? ||
* Up to 20 miles (32km)
* 21 to 100 miles (33 to 161km)
* 101 to 500 miles (162 to 805km)
* More than 500 miles (805km)
||
|-
| If you're in a relationship you expect will last for the rest of your life, is it important to you that it be the most satisfying sexual relationship you have ever had? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that scientists create a new drug. When swallowed as a pill, it will completely and permanently eliminate feelings of guilt for prior events. Testing reveals that there are no harmful medical side effects. How should this pill be distributed? ||
* Over the counter to anyone who wants it.
* By doctor's prescription only.
* It should not be distributed at all.
||
The Trolls have tricked and blackmailed me into doing out-of-my-character deeds I am not at all proud of, and I would like to feel a Lot Less Stress from them if I can forget them.
|-
| Are you Christian? ||
* [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| If I had to choose among the following for an ideal romantic partner, I'd choose: ||
* Someone attractive and kind.
* Someone smart and kind.
* Someone attractive and smart.
||
|-
| You win a contest for a choice between two million dollar homes, you take... ||
* Urban penthouse
* Tropical beachhouse
||

|}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2014-07-25T19:38:35Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Lyrics */

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. It's of note that Chris actually got an instrumental to sing over for this one, rather than having to compete with lyrics.
==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|uKjW9TpKrSs}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}
===Lyrics===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Thrill of the Feel|Open Your Heart]]" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
[''inaudible''] with you!

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]]! [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]! 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock you! 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian ''Chandler!'']]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
[''inaudible''] all day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]

Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy

2014-07-25T19:35:37Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Transcript */

'''Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 6 [[August 2011]], and the second video in the [[Calling Out]] series. In this video, Chris calls out [[Thorg]] (aka "Jeremy") and again sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents. Despite his interest in [[Tomgirl|appearing and acting like a woman]], Chris demands that Thorg let the people of New York City know that he likes [[China]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbull-y, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And, here is a sample of ''his'' [[Speech impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[:File:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- have it- you had it uploaded upon the [[20_December_2009#One_of_these_things_is_not_like_the_others|billboards]] in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Chris and anger|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

I win.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]|nextlink=[[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]}}
{{Calling Out}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-06 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy

2014-07-25T19:35:16Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Transcript */

'''Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 6 [[August 2011]], and the second video in the [[Calling Out]] series. In this video, Chris calls out [[Thorg]] (aka "Jeremy") and again sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents. Despite his interest in [[Tomgirl|appearing and acting like a woman]], Chris demands that Thorg let the people of New York City know that he likes [[China]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbull-y, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And, here is a sample of ''his'' [[Speech impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[:File:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- have it- you had it uploaded upon the [[20_December_2009#One_of_these_things_is_not_like_the_others|billboards]] in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Chris and anger|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

I win.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]|nextlink=[[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]}}
{{Calling Out}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-06 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy

2014-07-25T19:34:44Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Transcript */

'''Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 6 [[August 2011]], and the second video in the [[Calling Out]] series. In this video, Chris calls out [[Thorg]] (aka "Jeremy") and again sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents. Despite his interest in [[Tomgirl|appearing and acting like a woman]], Chris demands that Thorg let the people of New York City know that he likes [[China]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbull-y, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And, here is a sample of ''his'' [[Speech impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[:File:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- have it- you had it uploaded upon the [[20_December_2009#One_of_these_things_is_not_like_the_others|billboards]] in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Chris and anger|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

I win.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]|nextlink=[[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]}}
{{Calling Out}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-06 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

White knight

2014-07-25T19:33:33Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Chris' life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:White knight.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Artist's conception.]]

{{quote|Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?|Chris, [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|CWC Music Video ~ "Holding Out For a Hero"]]}}

'''White knight''' is a term used to describe someone who goes on the Internet to help or defend someone else on the Internet against other people on the Internet out of pity or compassion. White knighting of Chris is especially prevalent because of the unprecedented amount of abuse he has taken, which in turn is caused by Chris's total inability to heed the white knights in his life.

'''Counter-trolls''' are those who take Chris's side to spite his legion of [[trolls]]. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls, who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with [[anti-troll]]s, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him themselves.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being such an epic lulzcow, and whether he is deserving of such assistance or even beyond help. The consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article, /cwc/, [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]], and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] is that Chris's [[racism]], [[Chris and Sex|homophobia]], and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] make him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him in good faith. White knights and counter-trolls are considered to be wasting everyone's time and trolls have little patience for them.

==Motives==

===Pity===
Following the release of Chris's first [[nudes|nude photos]] and the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] in which he reacted to the loss of his [[medallion]]s and [[Blanca]], many people, including trolls, felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

===Empathy===
The Internet is full of autistic people, man-children, and self-absorbed morons. Many of them are right here, fascinated with Chris-chan. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his all-consuming need for female companionship or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up. They think they can help improve Chris by offering the benefit of their experience.

BAAAAAAAW! ''[[Kick the Autistic]]'' is a cruel game. Quit it!

===Circumstances beyond Chris's control===
Chris fails to identify people, a possible sign of [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|Prosopagnosia]]. [[BlueSpike|Julie and her brother Max]] used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't recognize that they were the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict [[Blanca]], and yet Chris thought they were the same person. Chris believed that pictures of [[Wikipedia:Megan Fox|Megan Fox]] were of [[Wikipedia:Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa Hudgens]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|Vanessa AIM Chat IX]]</ref> In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - [http://thedailypos.org/misc/sonichu/Issue%207/SchuComic8Page24.jpg "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Since he probably hasn't "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation regarding why he denies being fat.

Chris cannot "read between the lines" or otherwise interpret subtlety. He interprets ''[[Family Guy]]'' as being against homosexuality.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]</ref> When two male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.<ref>Anecdote by [[Mimms]].</ref>

===The trolls are even worse people than Chris===
Another frequently heard line of reasoning is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris, or at least equally pathetic. For example, [[BlueSpike]]'s sadistic abuse of his control over Chris [[BLUESPIKE#Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Troll_War|outraged even trolls]]. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who [[CWCki|obsessively document and debate everything he does]]?

===For the sake of Barbara's sanity===
At this point in time it is safe to say that Chris's remaining parent has been just as fatigued as Chris by the actions of trolls. Some argue that [[Snorlax]] should not have to suffer for his wrongdoings, and therefore think that Chris should be left alone just so she can enjoy the last few years of her life in peace.

==Reasons against white knighting==
===Chris could have ended the trolling whenever he wanted to, but didn't===
Lets face it, all Chris had to do to end the trolling was to stop responding to them. If he would have done this small step, this whole debacle would have never happened. The trolls had nothing personal against Chris; They just decided he was a worthy target after reading Sonichu and seeing how he spazzed out at his page on Encyclopedia Dramatica. As soon as he would have quit responding to their provocations and quit posting videos of him tard raging on YouTube, the trolls would have just moved on to someone else. Instead, Chris tried to "fight back" against them, in turn revealing more and more information about himself until the trolls knew all of his contact info and all the details of his life. That was when the trolling went past a point of no return, spilling into Chris' personal life so much that there would be absolutely no way for him to ever disassociate himself from it. Even when he was away from the computer, he found himself subjected to trolling by them calling his cell phone, sending him mail and them following him around in public. While the obsessive trolling of Chris was nothing less than shitty, the fact still remains that Chris was the one who allowed them to have such control over his life thanks to him always overreacting to every little provocation and him handing over all his personal information to them.

There is also the theory that Chris does things for trolls to mock him merely for the attention.

===Chris lacks empathy himself===
:''See also: [[Chris and death]] and [[Chris and his Ego]].''
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind": if you used to be as shy around women as he is today, in his mind the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he magically dreams up [[Dating education|his own solution]].

:'''RocketFox:''' My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
:'''Chris:''' RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately afterward, he started talking about a sexy dance.

Chris's reactions to suicide are very telling. After [[Ryan Cash]] died because of Chris, Chris marveled at how much power he had right after he tried to publicly console [[Clyde Cash]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]</ref> When [[Sarah May]] attempted suicide because of Chris, his reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]</ref> When Chris broke up with [[Ivy]], he somehow concocted, in his head, an assumption that she had committed suicide. Even after having lost so many dear friends to suicide, he still had no problems telling Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] to [[death threats|kill themselves]]. Many people who have had to deal with suicidal people or have lost relatives and friends due to suicides themselves might not exactly find this amusing.

In the [[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|22 February 2010]] edition of the [[CWCipedia]]'s "Common Questions", Chris listed the top ten worst things to have ever happened to him. The deaths of "two True and Good Women who [he] had friendships with," [[PandaHalo]] and [[Sarah Jackson]], ranked seventh. Those tragic events ranked below getting banned from a game store, finding out two people from said store were posting info about him on ED, and having his personal websites hacked.

On [[Twin Falling Towers|1 November 2009]], Chris made a video involving Clyde being as "weak as the Twin Towers" and used his mouse cursor as a plane flying into them.<ref>[[Twin Falling Towers]]</ref>

When Rashid Ali Abdul, an Iranian [[fan]], told him that her country's religious authorities sentenced her to death by beheading for reading ''Sonichu'', Chris said that he was sorry and that the situation was "pitiful".<ref>[[Mailbag 8|Mailbag #8]]</ref>

While some of this can be attributed to Chris's [[autism]], a condition that often results in a lack of empathy, most autistics can at least learn how to express empathy through a combination of carefully reading the emotions of others and thinking about how a situation affects other people. Chris refuses to seek serious counseling or psychiatric help for this sort of thing. However, due to [[28 October 2011|his current run-in with the law]], he will now be forced to seek professional help or he faces jail time.

===Autism does not excuse a terrible person===
Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,<ref>[[Quizzes#Autism Quiz]]</ref> and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

Autism, in and of itself, does not create a failure as massive as Chris-Chan. A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and/or are able to develop social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and lead rewarding and rich lives. Yet while Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he refuses to do anything more than see the [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] at his church, who is not a professional trained in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders.<ref>[[Vivian's AIM chat]]</ref> However, due to the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris must now seek psychiatric help or he faces jail time. While this may help him become more humane, [[Chris and his Ego|experience]] suggests that any impact will be minimal at best unless Chris cooperates.

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions. He has a sense of morality (even if he often ignores it in favor of his own selfish interests). He would be (and has been) held accountable for his own actions in a court of law (and rightfully so). His racism, homophobia, and chauvinism have nothing to do with his autism.

===Chris is beyond pity===

[[Image:Chrischantwoface.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's mood is all over the place, even between videos posted shortly after each other. "[[Happy Sonichu Day|Thank you for your support]]"... "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Goddamn womanizing raping trollin' stupid pickle-suited '''nigger'''!]]"]]

Chris is capable of doing some very bad things when provoked, which is a quite understandable (if not acceptable) response to trolling. However, "provocation" in this case doesn't necessarily mean harassment or trolling. Merely disagreeing with Chris or asking him why he does what he does can provoke an attack, up to and including threats of violence and death. When Chris is annoyed, frustrated, or overcome by desire or lust, he's capable of doing [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|''nasty'']] [[Death threats|things]]. Moreover, when Chris loses it, he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions at all, and his expressions of outrage are completely out of proportion to the provocation — often more outrageous in themselves than whatever the trolls did.

Chris [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|insulted little kids]] during card games and scared some of them away from visiting [[The GAMe PLACe]]. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], who frequented The GAMe PLACe and knew Chris in real life years before he was discovered by the Internet, couldn't list any redeeming qualities he possessed.

Chris sexually harassed a [[Megan|woman]] in real life. Megan made it explicitly clear to him that his physical contact and comments to her were unacceptable, but he continued anyway, convinced that eventually she would learn to love being molested by a mentally ill man-child and become his [[Sweethearts|Sweetheart From The Ground-Up]].

After Megan yelled at Chris for uploading [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingerbanging her]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], he did not apologize,<ref name="Megan Saga">[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> but rather explained to her (in a terribly [[naïve]] way) how a handjob works, under the misguided assumption that she merely was upset because she didn't recognize the sex act being performed, or in the hope that she would rationalize what he did on this basis. He then had the nerve to say to her, "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be."<ref name="Megan Saga"/> Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, [[Chris and his ego|''him'']]. Based on [[List of Chris's ED edits|his ED edits]], he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] than he was with defending Megan's honor. Years later, Chris would even go so far as to totally demonize Megan for rejecting his 'good intentions', posting her address up on his [[Facebook]] profile in the hopes that trolls would find it and punish her for him.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new [[sweetheart]] right away, ''even if she died''. No matter the setback, his ego keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he addressed a person named [[The July 10th Messages|"SonichuIzCool"]] on YouTube. SonichuIzCool was (''is'') probably the only genuine fan of ''Sonichu'' discovered to date, someone who tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally retarded. In his YouTube message, Chris called her "naïve and [[slow in the mind]]." He told her she had to "come out where [he] can meet [her]." Another side of this incident is that his YouTube account had been recently hacked, and he had managed to recover it this time, thus avoiding all of the nasty evil damage the trolls ''might'' have caused. After he posted this video, though, he got his account suspended due to ''his own actions''.

In early November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, Chris went so far as to mock the terrorist attacks of the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]] on 9/11. When feeling angry at Clyde Cash, he not only thought it would be a good idea to blackmail him, but used the ''destruction of two skyscrapers full of people after being hit by airliners full of jet fuel and human beings'' as a metaphor for how weak he thought Clyde was. When people got angry, he tried to fix things by turning the WTC towers into cake candles. To the best of anyone's knowledge, Chris was never coaxed or encouraged by an outside source to use the WTC images. He came up with this reprehensible idea all on his own.

[[Image:MikesWedding.jpg|thumb|right|Happily forever after.]]

In January 2010, a fan named Mike Jackson asked Chris for advice, whether he should [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|watch porn with his family]] and [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|buy a prostitute for his son]], Mike Junior, or not. Chris, being such an [[Dating Education|expert]], encouraged him to do so. In the end Mike Jr. ran away with the prostitute, and Mike asked Chris to make a [[YouTube]] video asking his son to come back home. Unfortunately, Chris was under a lot of [[stress]], and could not make the video. Mike Jr. is now married to the prostitute in Las Vegas, and his father died from a sleeping pill overdose. Chris didn't even give a damn about the obituary linked by Mike's wife, and responded to his son's grief and anger with three words: [[Chris and remorse|"I am sorry."]]

===Chris cares only for himself===
Chris spends [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on luxuries and steals from his parents to buy [[PSN|video games]] he'll never play. He has the basic skills necessary to hold down a job, so long as it didn't require him to do much interacting with other people, and programs exist specifically to find appropriate jobs for the mentally challenged, but Chris hasn't even tried since being fired from [[Wendy's]].

Further reinforcing his selfishness and laziness, Chris and his family strongly agree it's better for him to hole up in his room and get paid for doing absolutely nothing than to seek out the challenge of finding gainful employment in the real world. This is based on the (quite possibly untrue) assertion that Chris can earn more on disability than from a job. By taking advantage of the government through vastly exaggerated claims of an easily manageable illness which they refuse to help Chris treat, Chris's parents are assured a steady income in the form of his room-and-board payments, and don't have to worry about Chris getting in trouble with the law [[Chris and the Law|again]] when he has another breakdown in public.

But just in case you needed any solid proof of Chris' outright selfishness, it basically came straight from the horse's mouth during his trial. When asked if he understood that he'll be paying his court fees:

{{quote| "Yes. My mother will be taking care of that." |[[Christian Weston Chandler]]<ref>[[This_is_how_the_Trial_went]]</ref>}}

Keep in mind that the money being used to bail him out of [[28 October 2011|a mess that he caused]] is coming out of an ailing old widow's purse while Chris [[Chris and Money|nonchalantly throws his own money away]], as evidenced by his PSN activity mere months later. Also, in 2013, [[Facebook#I_have_had_more_freedom_when_my_father_was_alive|he further hammers this point home]] by complaining about having to take care of Barb with Bob's passing, concerned more about his free time and Michael Snyder taking his money away.

===Chris is not a good net citizen===
{{quote|I will have NO DISCUSSIONS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK ON MY OWN WEBSITE WHATSOEVER!|Chris, on reader participation via [[Twitter]].}}
Chris is more concerned with spreading his own version of [[Honest Content|honest truth]] than being a good net citizen. He has adopted the mentality that most spammers have adopted: who cares about things like terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message gets through? He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. This is not mere ''passivity'' in those communities, which might still be tolerable; he ''deliberately opposes'' such participation. Most people, while not bothering to contribute to communities, would not at least make deliberate efforts to hinder the community. On [[deviantART]], [[YouTube]] and [[Flipnote Hatena]], he disables all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway — yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's being clearly used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his [[Wikipedia]] user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to Wikipedia to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet. The thoughts of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the possibility that people who block him might be trying to send him a message never cross his mind.

Chris's behavior on [[CWCipedia]] provides many more examples of his selfish attitude, such as the banner ad crisis in late 2009. He doesn't understand what it ''really'' means that the website is neither hosted nor paid for by him personally, and what sort of things the administration typically does on a website like his. He can't or won't understand simple principles like "webhost's house, webhost's rules," or "beggars can't be choosers," but instead believes that since the site has his name on it, it should be run according to his every demand.

===Chris will reject your advice===
[[Image:0231-MrsSanfordsWiseWords.jpg|thumb|right|What are you going to tell Chris that his [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|favorite teacher]] didn't tell him 15 years ago?]]
Someone [[White knight E-mails|carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist]]. In response, Chris got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculous: he denies being [[Obesity|overweight]].

Read [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Vivian's AIM chat]]. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that [[PandaHalo]] was a troll. Chris fell for PandaHalo anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try." Not only has she long since joined the troll ranks, but Chris even began [[Sign Destruction Video|berating and sending threats]] to his biggest white knight ever.

===Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth===
* [[Hanna]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Lori Lopez]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Blanca]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[PandaHalo]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite [[Vivitheg]]'s warnings.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails]]</ref>
* [[Robert Simmons V]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[JK Productions]] was a troll pretending to be an entire videogame development company, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah May]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah Jackson]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Julie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Ivy]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.
* [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Emily]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Kacey]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. She also married [[CChanSonichuCWC|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].
* [[Father Call|Matthew, Kacey's father]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Jackie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. [[February_2012|Twice.]]

See a pattern here? Do you really think he will believe any evidence you send him proving that every fan he has, and pretty much every person he has been in contact with over the past year, is a troll?

As of 2012, however, it seems that Chris has done a 180 on this, where, out of [[Autism|sheer paranoia]], he believes that [[Megan Schroeder|anybody]]<ref>[[:File:Fbp10.png]]</ref> and everybody<ref>[[:File:Fbp6.png]]</ref> is a troll, even when he has no sane reason to reach that conclusion<ref>[[:File:Koreans.PNG]]</ref>.

===Chris's normal life is often weirder than the trolling===
Chris won't take your advice, so he will fall for trolling. Trolls do weird things and Chris believes almost everything. But even if Chris had no white knights or trolls, his life would still be weird.

Chris's own accomplishments, without any external suggestion or assistance, are sometimes even more jaw-dropping than what the trolls think up. His [[Chris and the Law#Law troubles|previous brushes]] with [[Jerkops|authority figures]] and his [[Attraction Sign|bizarre]] [[Fridays After Five|behavior]] during his outside leisure time are good examples.

===Chris asks for it, and always recovers===
Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's TRUE and HONEST, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was practically a squeal begging for more trolling.

[[wiktionary:TMI|TMI]] is a tactic Chris uses that usually leads to him abusing himself. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute details of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being Honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and lewd acts are all over the internet? No big deal! [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|All adults do that kind of thing]], so what's the problem?

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] mentioned above (and quite quickly, too) and proceeded to fail even harder for months. Likewise, despite professing great emotional distress, he bounced back from [[CWC is Sad|the loss of Kacey]] in [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|a matter of hours]]. He even bounced back after being [[Mumble 9|verbally abused by a room of trolls]], one of whom told him to go kill himself. So what's the problem?

[[Image:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|right|180px|True, true.]]

===Chris made himself an outcast===
High school and college are the places and moments where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's [[autistic]]. They lent him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He ''refused, by choice,'' to associate with anyone who wasn't female, young, rich, white, and within the Charlottesville area.

When [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, and was rightly kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag with a personal vendetta against him. He was given ''several'' chances to learn that his [[Attraction sign|loitering and soliciting]] were not appropriate behavior in a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are [[Jerkops]], that [[Virginia is for Virgins]], and that his [[Love Quest]] was a matter of him against the world, with the world in the role of the villain. After he was kicked out of The GAMe PLACe (where he was again given more leeway than most people ever would have gotten, out of a sense of misguided pity), he was barred from the last place in Ruckersville that was still open to him, and left with only one place: his home.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He was given a friendly hand, but he angrily bit it, and that hand will never reach out to him again. He doesn't even belong in his own home anymore. He spends most of his time in exile in his fantasy land of [[CWCville]], the one and only place still open to him, and that place ''doesn't even exist''.

===[[Stress]]===
In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to get up-to-date and to thwart the troll output. They'd probably have to lie and pretend to be a girl or video game designer to even capture his attention. This combined with Chris's usual responses is enough to make any sane non-professional psychologist [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|crash into slumber]].

===Chris will not even read your message===
The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online. Any e-mails sent to his private address will be deleted, probably unread, and any e-mails sent to the [[Mailbag]], if they even get published, will be [[Mailbag 29|given one-word replies and ignored]].

===The trolling will not cease===
Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his [[Joshua Martinez|real life friends]]. In college, he was trolled by friends who grew sick of his bullshit (e.g. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]]), and by [[Anna McLerran|girls]] [[Hannah|annoyed]] by his "attraction methods" and rampant, unabashed sexism. If Chris quit the Internet tomorrow, he would still be trolled by a society that refuses to tolerate ignorant man-children flouting its rules.

If everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unwittingly seek out new trolls to take their place, and we know newfags are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after his parents die, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his [[monthly tugboat]] and perhaps his home. If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the Internet. If the custodian bans Chris from the Internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris gets institutionalized, he will attract real life trolls at the mental hospital. If Chris does not go into an institution and instead ends up in prison due to [[28 October 2011|circumstances that cannot be foreseen]], he will be trolled there as well.

If the entire world reforms and decides to leave Chris alone, his own sense of victimization will override any benefit. Consider that Chris felt persecuted simply by observing [[Jerks|males who had more success than himself]]. He regards legitimate assertions of authority as rank brutality. [[Adam Stackhouse]] managed to upset Chris to a degree that CWC observers rate among the most impressive to date, and he did it without even knowing that Chris existed at the time. Bleak as it is, unless Chris embarks on a program of radical self-improvement and/or learns some humility, and manages against the odds to shake off both his legions of abusers and seamy reputation, he will forever feel like a [[Kick the Autistic|thoroughly-kicked autistic]].

===The trolling helps Chris and, indeed, others===
If Chris were just some random nobody on the Internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing video games and occasionally drawing unsellable comics until his parents died. Then he'd be institutionalized. He'd remain without social skills, a job, success or future.

Instead, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that — without exaggeration — is something extraordinary, unique, and which likely won't be replicated in any shape or form for years to come. Chris has secured his place among such luminaries as the Time Cube Guy and John Titor, and unlike the Time Cube Guy, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris interacting with the world through his websites and YouTube has drawn in a crowd of people who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art of a kind that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. He brings entertainment to thousands of people all over the world, an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving — the kind of thing that would give Dane Cook a stiffy just to consider. His Internet fame is actually a sort of success in its own right, and may bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated by him that they study his life on a daily basis.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually coming to terms with his problems, seeking professional help, and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately wealthy. The troll audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him with an actual social outlet to learn and grow in life. Instead of being an unemployable, fat, virgin bedroom-dweller that nobody has ever heard of, he's an Internet-famous unemployable, fat, virgin bedroom dweller and this by itself increases his chances of getting friends and a girl. He may even end up employed, too, probably appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie, or TV series. He could become the next William Hung if he put half an ounce of effort into it.

Also, Chris's constant failure at life has inspired [[Autism#Chris and other autistics|hundreds]] to self-improvement. Really, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

===Chris treats "fans" and white knights like crap===
If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on YouTube, AIM or any other messenger service and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. Quite ironic, isn't it? He screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz." He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in his own self loathing.

{{quote|Whatever.|Send Chris a 400-word, well-reasoned email — get a [[Mailbag 29#Whatever|1-word reply]] back.}}
{{quote|You can go f*** yourself.|[[Mailbag 43#Go Fuck Yourself, too!|A not-so reasonable reply]] to reasonable criticism.}}

Chris doesn't treat his (perceived) fans much better. Even aside from the SonichuIzCool incident mentioned above, Chris has severe problems answering questions from his fans (or trolls who pretend to be positive fans), and will often react in a hostile manner to everything he sees as negative or offensive. His [[Mailbag]] is the most obvious example. He hates being corrected, and tenaciously clings to his misinformed beliefs; his insistence that Asperger's Syndrome and autism are unrelated is a good example of this. When or if he's having a good day and manages to answer questions from fans at all, he often gives them very brief, one or two word answers that do not elaborate on anything, or outright ignore parts of the question. Not only is he terse, he's also slow to act; for example, it [[Brutal Legend Plus|took him three days to realize]] that a [[Brutal Legend|video he uploaded]] was seriously broken. He also promised that [[Sonichu Fan Promo|a spectacular fan creation]] would be officially featured in the ''Sonichu'' comic — and it ultimately was, ''over a year later''.

Most webcomics have a specific schedule that they have decided to follow. Many webcomics fail to live up to them – some less, some more; some for good reasons, some have no excuse whatsoever. Chris didn't have a set schedule for the comic for the longest time, but then agreed to update the comic on a daily basis, a schedule which even the most well-funded webcomic artists would consider particularly demanding. In February and March 2010, there have been few updates to the comic. When the inevitable complaints about schedule slip started to come, Chris snapped at his fans by saying that inspiration takes its time, forgetting that it was ''he'' who decided daily updates were the way to go. As the "Great Director Chandler", he could have the power to decide what schedule to follow, but instead, he chose to attack his fans.

===Chris' upbringing doesn't justify his actions===
The shitty way [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] raised him may be an ''explanation'' for why Chris is so fucked up, but it's not an ''excuse''. Plenty of people have bad childhoods. Plenty of people have had abusive and/or incompetent parents. However, these people don't use that as an excuse for bad things they do. They get therapy and move on. Chris, on the other hand, remains dependent on the same people who screwed him up, and doesn't even try to move past his childhood. Instead, he escapes into a world of fantasy and pornography, while rationalizing his actions as being justified. There's also the fact that [[Cole Smithey]] grew up in the same household with the same parents, and yet he lives a normal, successful life. Meanwhile, Chris behaves like an overgrown child, draws unpublishable comics, stuffs his face with garbage, gets in trouble for the most trivial reasons, and generally is extremely antisocial.

===Chris' life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him===
As of 2012, Chris is a total human trainwreck, slowly losing the last of his sanity as each day goes by. While the systematic trolling of him throughout the last few years have something to do with his degrading mental state (especially his extreme paranoia and distrust for everyone except his mom and pastor), the fact still remains that his life's horrible state is mainly caused by factors outside of the internet. He would still be a lonely outcast, as his poor upbringing gave him such warped views of the world and led him to engage in such bizarre behavior that he drove away every person he tried to connect with. He would still be living in unsanitary living conditions due to Barb's hoarding and the fact that his house has not been cleaned in the better part of a decade. He would still be banned from all of his favorite hangouts due to his loitering and hostile behavior to other patrons. Also, at the core of it all is how Chris decided that he would be better off living off government handouts while drawing unpublishable comic books in his room instead of getting a job and heading down a career path, which would have been his one-way ticket to escaping the cesspool that is [[14 Branchland Court]] and living a fulfilling life, not unlike that of [[Cole Smithey|his half brother]]. Instead, he decided to remain dependent on his elderly, emotionally disturbed parents; look at how well that worked out for him.

True to this statement, Chris has all but abandoned the Internet between [[July 2012]] and [[2013]], save for sporadic [[Facebook]] posts. Despite this, quite a bit was still revealed about how well he is doing independent of the trolls' influence. He [[Other_documents#Epistle_to_the_Wesley_Memorial_United_Methodist_Church|recently alienated himself from his church]], earning a ban from the new pastor (undoubtedly because Chris wouldn't shut the hell up about the trolls). In that same letter, he even dismisses [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as an effective counselor (keep in mind that Rocky once bailed him out of jail, which is more than any counselor would have done), and went so far as to accuse [[Chris and religion|God]] of being a troll. He even describes his life as isolated and lonely, with nobody willing to talk to him, a scenario many people have tried and failed to warn him about. He even earned some ire from Anna, his biggest white knight for [[Facebook#Gay_Marriage|making anti-homo statements]] on his Facebook page, even choosing to argue with her instead of trying to piece together why a lesbian friend of his would find such statements offensive. As a coup de grace on all of this, Chris ended up trolling himself in the grandest fashion by revealing an [[Facebook#Imgur|Imgur account]] made of all of his previously hidden Facebook posts, despite trolls (save for the one who started it) being completely in the dark about it.

To make a long story short, Chris needs neither trolls nor the Internet to ruin his life. His [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] and lack of tact concerning people is doing a fine job of that on its own, and it's ''very'' unlikely that he'll realise that the root of his problems is not the trolls, the internet, or even God and [[Christopher's name change|the Bear]]. It's him.

==Examples==
:''Read: [[White knight emails]]''

===White Knights on YouTube===

Among the most notable of Chris's white knights was a [[YouTube]] counter-troll who claimed to be a 21 year-old Russian model named Svenka. Via her YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/hottiee96 hottiee96], she released an inordinate number of screencaps from troll conversations on [[Sonichu IRC]], including private conversations between Chris and [[PandaHalo]]. Also, she released an image of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] who would later steal Chris's first date, [[Emily]]. Were Chris less thick-skulled and even slightly willing to accept irrefutable evidence, Svenka may have made somewhat of a negative impact on the organized trolling effort against Chris, but ultimately she was ineffectual. Svenka also had a unhealthy obsession with the [[CWCville Library]]'s original curator, Arjen Van Dierten.
On 6 [[May 2009]], YouTube user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/[http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePinchisDaBomb ThePinchisDaBomb] tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/softerthanhardware YouTube]</ref> The Pinch has also threatened [[BlueSpike]] saying he has information from his friends but the thing is '''BLUESPIKE HAS NO FRIENDS'''.

===White Knights on Facebook===

In recent times (since 2012), Chris has taken to using [[Facebook]] as his main means of expressing himself. Inevitably, this has not only attracted the attention of trolls, but, in 2013, a slew of White Knights as well, in particular, a [[William Elliott Waterman]], who taunted the trolls to come after him instead of Chris ''('''Spoiler:''' Nobody did, because nobody actually cared what he had to say.)'' [[Anna]] and [[Kim]] are two of the most notable ones on his friends list, both of whom try to offer constructive advice whenever Chris nosedives into a rant ''(when they're not busy kissing his ass, especially in the case of Anna.)''

However, as we've come to expect of Chris, anybody who tells him something he doesn't want to hear are people that needed to be brushed off until they stop saying those mean, awful things to him. A good case in point is his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris_Expresses_His_Outrage_for_Walmart|anger-laced tirade in September 2013, when he got thrown out of Wal-Mart and started calling names]]. The white knights typically chimed in with their support...''until'' he revealed that he [[Chris and the law|vandalized]] an X-Box ONE display in the store. Several of them then told Chris that this was not right of him to do, and that the manager had every right to throw him out. His response to that?

{{quote|They do not.
And if they do, they are most in the wrong, [[Chris and reality|because they are most abusive and overzealous of their "authoritative power" that never has existed ever]].|- Chris's response to Chris Rhodes}}

===White Knights in Real Life===

Aside from the most [[Anna McLerran|obvious example]], an old classmate of Chris from [[Manchester High School]] came online and attempted to defend Chris. Once [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|certain]] [[Death Threats|details]] became known, however, said classmate quickly backpedalled on this once he realised that the majority of [[CWCki|what happened]] was Chris' own fault.

===TV Tropes===
The [[TV Tropes]] [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/Sonichu article on ''Sonichu''] used to have a white knight message as the first text of the article, with a link back to this very page. The message is reproduced below:

{{quote|Hey Chris! If you're reading this: you seriously need to get help from licensed professionals, before the stuff you do [[28 October 2011|gets you thrown in prison]] or forcibly committed. And we're sorry, but you have no real fans - the people you think are your fans are really either trolls or laughing at you behind your back. Every. Last. One. Please listen to us - for once.|- Concerned tropers}}

Unfortunately, the editor in question and fails to realize that [[Chris and his Ego|their message, while well intentioned, will do absolutely nothing]] and Chris will simply ignore it even if he does [[Mailbag 52|fully read and input it for better development. Thank you for your time.]] The message was later removed due to a shift in policy regarding the article.

==Conclusion==
As good as your intentions may be, there is no conceivable way any mortal human alive can reach Chris and change him for the better. Your efforts will unfortunately fail, and he will just brush you aside, seeing no difference between you and the trolls. Nothing short of divine intervention, revelation, or a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|horrifyingly close brush with death]] will change him. You would be best to leave him be and find something else to do with your time. All we can do is hope that one of the three aforementioned scenarios happen at some point, [[Chris and Religion|though the first two seem highly unlikely]].

==See Also==
*[[A-Logging|Alogging]]
*[[White knight E-mails]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/White_knight White Knighting] article at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

White knight

2014-07-25T19:32:54Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Chris' life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:White knight.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Artist's conception.]]

{{quote|Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?|Chris, [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|CWC Music Video ~ "Holding Out For a Hero"]]}}

'''White knight''' is a term used to describe someone who goes on the Internet to help or defend someone else on the Internet against other people on the Internet out of pity or compassion. White knighting of Chris is especially prevalent because of the unprecedented amount of abuse he has taken, which in turn is caused by Chris's total inability to heed the white knights in his life.

'''Counter-trolls''' are those who take Chris's side to spite his legion of [[trolls]]. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls, who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with [[anti-troll]]s, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him themselves.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being such an epic lulzcow, and whether he is deserving of such assistance or even beyond help. The consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article, /cwc/, [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]], and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] is that Chris's [[racism]], [[Chris and Sex|homophobia]], and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] make him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him in good faith. White knights and counter-trolls are considered to be wasting everyone's time and trolls have little patience for them.

==Motives==

===Pity===
Following the release of Chris's first [[nudes|nude photos]] and the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] in which he reacted to the loss of his [[medallion]]s and [[Blanca]], many people, including trolls, felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

===Empathy===
The Internet is full of autistic people, man-children, and self-absorbed morons. Many of them are right here, fascinated with Chris-chan. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his all-consuming need for female companionship or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up. They think they can help improve Chris by offering the benefit of their experience.

BAAAAAAAW! ''[[Kick the Autistic]]'' is a cruel game. Quit it!

===Circumstances beyond Chris's control===
Chris fails to identify people, a possible sign of [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|Prosopagnosia]]. [[BlueSpike|Julie and her brother Max]] used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't recognize that they were the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict [[Blanca]], and yet Chris thought they were the same person. Chris believed that pictures of [[Wikipedia:Megan Fox|Megan Fox]] were of [[Wikipedia:Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa Hudgens]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|Vanessa AIM Chat IX]]</ref> In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - [http://thedailypos.org/misc/sonichu/Issue%207/SchuComic8Page24.jpg "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Since he probably hasn't "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation regarding why he denies being fat.

Chris cannot "read between the lines" or otherwise interpret subtlety. He interprets ''[[Family Guy]]'' as being against homosexuality.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]</ref> When two male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.<ref>Anecdote by [[Mimms]].</ref>

===The trolls are even worse people than Chris===
Another frequently heard line of reasoning is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris, or at least equally pathetic. For example, [[BlueSpike]]'s sadistic abuse of his control over Chris [[BLUESPIKE#Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Troll_War|outraged even trolls]]. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who [[CWCki|obsessively document and debate everything he does]]?

===For the sake of Barbara's sanity===
At this point in time it is safe to say that Chris's remaining parent has been just as fatigued as Chris by the actions of trolls. Some argue that [[Snorlax]] should not have to suffer for his wrongdoings, and therefore think that Chris should be left alone just so she can enjoy the last few years of her life in peace.

==Reasons against white knighting==
===Chris could have ended the trolling whenever he wanted to, but didn't===
Lets face it, all Chris had to do to end the trolling was to stop responding to them. If he would have done this small step, this whole debacle would have never happened. The trolls had nothing personal against Chris; They just decided he was a worthy target after reading Sonichu and seeing how he spazzed out at his page on Encyclopedia Dramatica. As soon as he would have quit responding to their provocations and quit posting videos of him tard raging on YouTube, the trolls would have just moved on to someone else. Instead, Chris tried to "fight back" against them, in turn revealing more and more information about himself until the trolls knew all of his contact info and all the details of his life. That was when the trolling went past a point of no return, spilling into Chris' personal life so much that there would be absolutely no way for him to ever disassociate himself from it. Even when he was away from the computer, he found himself subjected to trolling by them calling his cell phone, sending him mail and them following him around in public. While the obsessive trolling of Chris was nothing less than shitty, the fact still remains that Chris was the one who allowed them to have such control over his life thanks to him always overreacting to every little provocation and him handing over all his personal information to them.

There is also the theory that Chris does things for trolls to mock him merely for the attention.

===Chris lacks empathy himself===
:''See also: [[Chris and death]] and [[Chris and his Ego]].''
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind": if you used to be as shy around women as he is today, in his mind the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he magically dreams up [[Dating education|his own solution]].

:'''RocketFox:''' My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
:'''Chris:''' RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately afterward, he started talking about a sexy dance.

Chris's reactions to suicide are very telling. After [[Ryan Cash]] died because of Chris, Chris marveled at how much power he had right after he tried to publicly console [[Clyde Cash]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]</ref> When [[Sarah May]] attempted suicide because of Chris, his reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]</ref> When Chris broke up with [[Ivy]], he somehow concocted, in his head, an assumption that she had committed suicide. Even after having lost so many dear friends to suicide, he still had no problems telling Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] to [[death threats|kill themselves]]. Many people who have had to deal with suicidal people or have lost relatives and friends due to suicides themselves might not exactly find this amusing.

In the [[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|22 February 2010]] edition of the [[CWCipedia]]'s "Common Questions", Chris listed the top ten worst things to have ever happened to him. The deaths of "two True and Good Women who [he] had friendships with," [[PandaHalo]] and [[Sarah Jackson]], ranked seventh. Those tragic events ranked below getting banned from a game store, finding out two people from said store were posting info about him on ED, and having his personal websites hacked.

On [[Twin Falling Towers|1 November 2009]], Chris made a video involving Clyde being as "weak as the Twin Towers" and used his mouse cursor as a plane flying into them.<ref>[[Twin Falling Towers]]</ref>

When Rashid Ali Abdul, an Iranian [[fan]], told him that her country's religious authorities sentenced her to death by beheading for reading ''Sonichu'', Chris said that he was sorry and that the situation was "pitiful".<ref>[[Mailbag 8|Mailbag #8]]</ref>

While some of this can be attributed to Chris's [[autism]], a condition that often results in a lack of empathy, most autistics can at least learn how to express empathy through a combination of carefully reading the emotions of others and thinking about how a situation affects other people. Chris refuses to seek serious counseling or psychiatric help for this sort of thing. However, due to [[28 October 2011|his current run-in with the law]], he will now be forced to seek professional help or he faces jail time.

===Autism does not excuse a terrible person===
Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,<ref>[[Quizzes#Autism Quiz]]</ref> and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

Autism, in and of itself, does not create a failure as massive as Chris-Chan. A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and/or are able to develop social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and lead rewarding and rich lives. Yet while Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he refuses to do anything more than see the [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] at his church, who is not a professional trained in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders.<ref>[[Vivian's AIM chat]]</ref> However, due to the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris must now seek psychiatric help or he faces jail time. While this may help him become more humane, [[Chris and his Ego|experience]] suggests that any impact will be minimal at best unless Chris cooperates.

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions. He has a sense of morality (even if he often ignores it in favor of his own selfish interests). He would be (and has been) held accountable for his own actions in a court of law (and rightfully so). His racism, homophobia, and chauvinism have nothing to do with his autism.

===Chris is beyond pity===

[[Image:Chrischantwoface.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's mood is all over the place, even between videos posted shortly after each other. "[[Happy Sonichu Day|Thank you for your support]]"... "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Goddamn womanizing raping trollin' stupid pickle-suited '''nigger'''!]]"]]

Chris is capable of doing some very bad things when provoked, which is a quite understandable (if not acceptable) response to trolling. However, "provocation" in this case doesn't necessarily mean harassment or trolling. Merely disagreeing with Chris or asking him why he does what he does can provoke an attack, up to and including threats of violence and death. When Chris is annoyed, frustrated, or overcome by desire or lust, he's capable of doing [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|''nasty'']] [[Death threats|things]]. Moreover, when Chris loses it, he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions at all, and his expressions of outrage are completely out of proportion to the provocation — often more outrageous in themselves than whatever the trolls did.

Chris [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|insulted little kids]] during card games and scared some of them away from visiting [[The GAMe PLACe]]. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], who frequented The GAMe PLACe and knew Chris in real life years before he was discovered by the Internet, couldn't list any redeeming qualities he possessed.

Chris sexually harassed a [[Megan|woman]] in real life. Megan made it explicitly clear to him that his physical contact and comments to her were unacceptable, but he continued anyway, convinced that eventually she would learn to love being molested by a mentally ill man-child and become his [[Sweethearts|Sweetheart From The Ground-Up]].

After Megan yelled at Chris for uploading [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingerbanging her]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], he did not apologize,<ref name="Megan Saga">[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> but rather explained to her (in a terribly [[naïve]] way) how a handjob works, under the misguided assumption that she merely was upset because she didn't recognize the sex act being performed, or in the hope that she would rationalize what he did on this basis. He then had the nerve to say to her, "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be."<ref name="Megan Saga"/> Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, [[Chris and his ego|''him'']]. Based on [[List of Chris's ED edits|his ED edits]], he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] than he was with defending Megan's honor. Years later, Chris would even go so far as to totally demonize Megan for rejecting his 'good intentions', posting her address up on his [[Facebook]] profile in the hopes that trolls would find it and punish her for him.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new [[sweetheart]] right away, ''even if she died''. No matter the setback, his ego keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he addressed a person named [[The July 10th Messages|"SonichuIzCool"]] on YouTube. SonichuIzCool was (''is'') probably the only genuine fan of ''Sonichu'' discovered to date, someone who tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally retarded. In his YouTube message, Chris called her "naïve and [[slow in the mind]]." He told her she had to "come out where [he] can meet [her]." Another side of this incident is that his YouTube account had been recently hacked, and he had managed to recover it this time, thus avoiding all of the nasty evil damage the trolls ''might'' have caused. After he posted this video, though, he got his account suspended due to ''his own actions''.

In early November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, Chris went so far as to mock the terrorist attacks of the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]] on 9/11. When feeling angry at Clyde Cash, he not only thought it would be a good idea to blackmail him, but used the ''destruction of two skyscrapers full of people after being hit by airliners full of jet fuel and human beings'' as a metaphor for how weak he thought Clyde was. When people got angry, he tried to fix things by turning the WTC towers into cake candles. To the best of anyone's knowledge, Chris was never coaxed or encouraged by an outside source to use the WTC images. He came up with this reprehensible idea all on his own.

[[Image:MikesWedding.jpg|thumb|right|Happily forever after.]]

In January 2010, a fan named Mike Jackson asked Chris for advice, whether he should [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|watch porn with his family]] and [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|buy a prostitute for his son]], Mike Junior, or not. Chris, being such an [[Dating Education|expert]], encouraged him to do so. In the end Mike Jr. ran away with the prostitute, and Mike asked Chris to make a [[YouTube]] video asking his son to come back home. Unfortunately, Chris was under a lot of [[stress]], and could not make the video. Mike Jr. is now married to the prostitute in Las Vegas, and his father died from a sleeping pill overdose. Chris didn't even give a damn about the obituary linked by Mike's wife, and responded to his son's grief and anger with three words: [[Chris and remorse|"I am sorry."]]

===Chris cares only for himself===
Chris spends [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on luxuries and steals from his parents to buy [[PSN|video games]] he'll never play. He has the basic skills necessary to hold down a job, so long as it didn't require him to do much interacting with other people, and programs exist specifically to find appropriate jobs for the mentally challenged, but Chris hasn't even tried since being fired from [[Wendy's]].

Further reinforcing his selfishness and laziness, Chris and his family strongly agree it's better for him to hole up in his room and get paid for doing absolutely nothing than to seek out the challenge of finding gainful employment in the real world. This is based on the (quite possibly untrue) assertion that Chris can earn more on disability than from a job. By taking advantage of the government through vastly exaggerated claims of an easily manageable illness which they refuse to help Chris treat, Chris's parents are assured a steady income in the form of his room-and-board payments, and don't have to worry about Chris getting in trouble with the law [[Chris and the Law|again]] when he has another breakdown in public.

But just in case you needed any solid proof of Chris' outright selfishness, it basically came straight from the horse's mouth during his trial. When asked if he understood that he'll be paying his court fees:

{{quote| "Yes. My mother will be taking care of that." |[[Christian Weston Chandler]]<ref>[[This_is_how_the_Trial_went]]</ref>}}

Keep in mind that the money being used to bail him out of [[28 October 2011|a mess that he caused]] is coming out of an ailing old widow's purse while Chris [[Chris and Money|nonchalantly throws his own money away]], as evidenced by his PSN activity mere months later. Also, in 2013, [[Facebook#I_have_had_more_freedom_when_my_father_was_alive|he further hammers this point home]] by complaining about having to take care of Barb with Bob's passing, concerned more about his free time and Michael Snyder taking his money away.

===Chris is not a good net citizen===
{{quote|I will have NO DISCUSSIONS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK ON MY OWN WEBSITE WHATSOEVER!|Chris, on reader participation via [[Twitter]].}}
Chris is more concerned with spreading his own version of [[Honest Content|honest truth]] than being a good net citizen. He has adopted the mentality that most spammers have adopted: who cares about things like terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message gets through? He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. This is not mere ''passivity'' in those communities, which might still be tolerable; he ''deliberately opposes'' such participation. Most people, while not bothering to contribute to communities, would not at least make deliberate efforts to hinder the community. On [[deviantART]], [[YouTube]] and [[Flipnote Hatena]], he disables all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway — yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's being clearly used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his [[Wikipedia]] user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to Wikipedia to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet. The thoughts of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the possibility that people who block him might be trying to send him a message never cross his mind.

Chris's behavior on [[CWCipedia]] provides many more examples of his selfish attitude, such as the banner ad crisis in late 2009. He doesn't understand what it ''really'' means that the website is neither hosted nor paid for by him personally, and what sort of things the administration typically does on a website like his. He can't or won't understand simple principles like "webhost's house, webhost's rules," or "beggars can't be choosers," but instead believes that since the site has his name on it, it should be run according to his every demand.

===Chris will reject your advice===
[[Image:0231-MrsSanfordsWiseWords.jpg|thumb|right|What are you going to tell Chris that his [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|favorite teacher]] didn't tell him 15 years ago?]]
Someone [[White knight E-mails|carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist]]. In response, Chris got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculous: he denies being [[Obesity|overweight]].

Read [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Vivian's AIM chat]]. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that [[PandaHalo]] was a troll. Chris fell for PandaHalo anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try." Not only has she long since joined the troll ranks, but Chris even began [[Sign Destruction Video|berating and sending threats]] to his biggest white knight ever.

===Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth===
* [[Hanna]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Lori Lopez]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Blanca]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[PandaHalo]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite [[Vivitheg]]'s warnings.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails]]</ref>
* [[Robert Simmons V]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[JK Productions]] was a troll pretending to be an entire videogame development company, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah May]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah Jackson]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Julie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Ivy]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.
* [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Emily]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Kacey]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. She also married [[CChanSonichuCWC|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].
* [[Father Call|Matthew, Kacey's father]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Jackie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. [[February_2012|Twice.]]

See a pattern here? Do you really think he will believe any evidence you send him proving that every fan he has, and pretty much every person he has been in contact with over the past year, is a troll?

As of 2012, however, it seems that Chris has done a 180 on this, where, out of [[Autism|sheer paranoia]], he believes that [[Megan Schroeder|anybody]]<ref>[[:File:Fbp10.png]]</ref> and everybody<ref>[[:File:Fbp6.png]]</ref> is a troll, even when he has no sane reason to reach that conclusion<ref>[[:File:Koreans.PNG]]</ref>.

===Chris's normal life is often weirder than the trolling===
Chris won't take your advice, so he will fall for trolling. Trolls do weird things and Chris believes almost everything. But even if Chris had no white knights or trolls, his life would still be weird.

Chris's own accomplishments, without any external suggestion or assistance, are sometimes even more jaw-dropping than what the trolls think up. His [[Chris and the Law#Law troubles|previous brushes]] with [[Jerkops|authority figures]] and his [[Attraction Sign|bizarre]] [[Fridays After Five|behavior]] during his outside leisure time are good examples.

===Chris asks for it, and always recovers===
Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's TRUE and HONEST, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was practically a squeal begging for more trolling.

[[wiktionary:TMI|TMI]] is a tactic Chris uses that usually leads to him abusing himself. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute details of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being Honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and lewd acts are all over the internet? No big deal! [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|All adults do that kind of thing]], so what's the problem?

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] mentioned above (and quite quickly, too) and proceeded to fail even harder for months. Likewise, despite professing great emotional distress, he bounced back from [[CWC is Sad|the loss of Kacey]] in [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|a matter of hours]]. He even bounced back after being [[Mumble 9|verbally abused by a room of trolls]], one of whom told him to go kill himself. So what's the problem?

[[Image:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|right|180px|True, true.]]

===Chris made himself an outcast===
High school and college are the places and moments where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's [[autistic]]. They lent him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He ''refused, by choice,'' to associate with anyone who wasn't female, young, rich, white, and within the Charlottesville area.

When [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, and was rightly kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag with a personal vendetta against him. He was given ''several'' chances to learn that his [[Attraction sign|loitering and soliciting]] were not appropriate behavior in a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are [[Jerkops]], that [[Virginia is for Virgins]], and that his [[Love Quest]] was a matter of him against the world, with the world in the role of the villain. After he was kicked out of The GAMe PLACe (where he was again given more leeway than most people ever would have gotten, out of a sense of misguided pity), he was barred from the last place in Ruckersville that was still open to him, and left with only one place: his home.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He was given a friendly hand, but he angrily bit it, and that hand will never reach out to him again. He doesn't even belong in his own home anymore. He spends most of his time in exile in his fantasy land of [[CWCville]], the one and only place still open to him, and that place ''doesn't even exist''.

===[[Stress]]===
In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to get up-to-date and to thwart the troll output. They'd probably have to lie and pretend to be a girl or video game designer to even capture his attention. This combined with Chris's usual responses is enough to make any sane non-professional psychologist [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|crash into slumber]].

===Chris will not even read your message===
The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online. Any e-mails sent to his private address will be deleted, probably unread, and any e-mails sent to the [[Mailbag]], if they even get published, will be [[Mailbag 29|given one-word replies and ignored]].

===The trolling will not cease===
Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his [[Joshua Martinez|real life friends]]. In college, he was trolled by friends who grew sick of his bullshit (e.g. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]]), and by [[Anna McLerran|girls]] [[Hannah|annoyed]] by his "attraction methods" and rampant, unabashed sexism. If Chris quit the Internet tomorrow, he would still be trolled by a society that refuses to tolerate ignorant man-children flouting its rules.

If everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unwittingly seek out new trolls to take their place, and we know newfags are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after his parents die, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his [[monthly tugboat]] and perhaps his home. If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the Internet. If the custodian bans Chris from the Internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris gets institutionalized, he will attract real life trolls at the mental hospital. If Chris does not go into an institution and instead ends up in prison due to [[28 October 2011|circumstances that cannot be foreseen]], he will be trolled there as well.

If the entire world reforms and decides to leave Chris alone, his own sense of victimization will override any benefit. Consider that Chris felt persecuted simply by observing [[Jerks|males who had more success than himself]]. He regards legitimate assertions of authority as rank brutality. [[Adam Stackhouse]] managed to upset Chris to a degree that CWC observers rate among the most impressive to date, and he did it without even knowing that Chris existed at the time. Bleak as it is, unless Chris embarks on a program of radical self-improvement and/or learns some humility, and manages against the odds to shake off both his legions of abusers and seamy reputation, he will forever feel like a [[Kick the Autistic|thoroughly-kicked autistic]].

===The trolling helps Chris and, indeed, others===
If Chris were just some random nobody on the Internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing video games and occasionally drawing unsellable comics until his parents died. Then he'd be institutionalized. He'd remain without social skills, a job, success or future.

Instead, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that — without exaggeration — is something extraordinary, unique, and which likely won't be replicated in any shape or form for years to come. Chris has secured his place among such luminaries as the Time Cube Guy and John Titor, and unlike the Time Cube Guy, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris interacting with the world through his websites and YouTube has drawn in a crowd of people who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art of a kind that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. He brings entertainment to thousands of people all over the world, an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving — the kind of thing that would give Dane Cook a stiffy just to consider. His Internet fame is actually a sort of success in its own right, and may bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated by him that they study his life on a daily basis.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually coming to terms with his problems, seeking professional help, and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately wealthy. The troll audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him with an actual social outlet to learn and grow in life. Instead of being an unemployable, fat, virgin bedroom-dweller that nobody has ever heard of, he's an Internet-famous unemployable, fat, virgin bedroom dweller and this by itself increases his chances of getting friends and a girl. He may even end up employed, too, probably appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie, or TV series. He could become the next William Hung if he put half an ounce of effort into it.

Also, Chris's constant failure at life has inspired [[Autism#Chris and other autistics|hundreds]] to self-improvement. Really, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

===Chris treats "fans" and white knights like crap===
If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on YouTube, AIM or any other messenger service and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. Quite ironic, isn't it? He screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz." He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in his own self loathing.

{{quote|Whatever.|Send Chris a 400-word, well-reasoned email — get a [[Mailbag 29#Whatever|1-word reply]] back.}}
{{quote|You can go f*** yourself.|[[Mailbag 43#Go Fuck Yourself, too!|A not-so reasonable reply]] to reasonable criticism.}}

Chris doesn't treat his (perceived) fans much better. Even aside from the SonichuIzCool incident mentioned above, Chris has severe problems answering questions from his fans (or trolls who pretend to be positive fans), and will often react in a hostile manner to everything he sees as negative or offensive. His [[Mailbag]] is the most obvious example. He hates being corrected, and tenaciously clings to his misinformed beliefs; his insistence that Asperger's Syndrome and autism are unrelated is a good example of this. When or if he's having a good day and manages to answer questions from fans at all, he often gives them very brief, one or two word answers that do not elaborate on anything, or outright ignore parts of the question. Not only is he terse, he's also slow to act; for example, it [[Brutal Legend Plus|took him three days to realize]] that a [[Brutal Legend|video he uploaded]] was seriously broken. He also promised that [[Sonichu Fan Promo|a spectacular fan creation]] would be officially featured in the ''Sonichu'' comic — and it ultimately was, ''over a year later''.

Most webcomics have a specific schedule that they have decided to follow. Many webcomics fail to live up to them – some less, some more; some for good reasons, some have no excuse whatsoever. Chris didn't have a set schedule for the comic for the longest time, but then agreed to update the comic on a daily basis, a schedule which even the most well-funded webcomic artists would consider particularly demanding. In February and March 2010, there have been few updates to the comic. When the inevitable complaints about schedule slip started to come, Chris snapped at his fans by saying that inspiration takes its time, forgetting that it was ''he'' who decided daily updates were the way to go. As the "Great Director Chandler", he could have the power to decide what schedule to follow, but instead, he chose to attack his fans.

===Chris' upbringing doesn't justify his actions===
The shitty way [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] raised him may be an ''explanation'' for why Chris is so fucked up, but it's not an ''excuse''. Plenty of people have bad childhoods. Plenty of people have had abusive and/or incompetent parents. However, these people don't use that as an excuse for bad things they do. They get therapy and move on. Chris, on the other hand, remains dependent on the same people who screwed him up, and doesn't even try to move past his childhood. Instead, he escapes into a world of fantasy and pornography, while rationalizing his actions as being justified. There's also the fact that [[Cole Smithey]] grew up in the same household with the same parents, and yet he lives a normal, successful life. Meanwhile, Chris behaves like an overgrown child, draws unpublishable comics, stuffs his face with garbage, gets in trouble for the most trivial reasons, and generally is extremely antisocial.

===Chris' life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him===
As of 2012, Chris is a total human trainwreck, slowly losing the last of his sanity as each day goes by. While the systematic trolling of him throughout the last few years have something to do with his degrading mental state (especially his extreme paranoia and distrust for everyone except his mom and pastor), the fact still remains that his life's horrible state is mainly caused by factors outside of the internet. He would still be a lonely outcast, as his poor upbringing gave him such warped views of the world and led him to engage in such bizarre behavior that he drove away every person he tried to connect with. He would still be living in unsanitary living conditions due to Barb's hoarding and the fact that his house has not been cleaned in the better part of a decade. He would still be banned from all of his favorite hangouts due to his loitering and hostile behavior to other patrons. Also, at the core of it all is how Chris decided that he would be better off living off government handouts while drawing unpublishable comic books in his room instead of getting a job and heading down a career path, which would have been his one-way ticket to escaping the cesspool that is [[14 Branchland Court]] and living a fulfilling life, not unlike that of [[Cole Smithey|his half brother]]. Instead, he decided to remain dependent on his elderly, emotionally disturbed parents; look at how well that worked out for him.

True to this statement, Chris has all but abandoned the Internet between [[July 2012]] and [[2013]], save for sporadic [[Facebook]] posts. Despite this, quite a bit was still revealed about how well he is doing independent of the trolls' influence. He [[Other_documents#Epistle_to_the_Wesley_Memorial_United_Methodist_Church|recently alienated himself from his church]], earning a ban from the new pastor (undoubtedly because Chris wouldn't shut the hell up about the trolls). In that same letter, he even dismisses [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as an effective counselor (keep in mind that Rocky once bailed him out of jail, which is more than any counselor would have done), and went so far as to accuse [[God]] of being a troll. He even describes his life as isolated and lonely, with nobody willing to talk to him, a scenario many people have tried and failed to warn him about. He even earned some ire from Anna, his biggest white knight for [[Facebook#Gay_Marriage|making anti-homo statements]] on his Facebook page, even choosing to argue with her instead of trying to piece together why a lesbian friend of his would find such statements offensive. As a coup de grace on all of this, Chris ended up trolling himself in the grandest fashion by revealing an [[Facebook#Imgur|Imgur account]] made of all of his previously hidden Facebook posts, despite trolls (save for the one who started it) being completely in the dark about it.

To make a long story short, Chris needs neither trolls nor the Internet to ruin his life. His [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] and lack of tact concerning people is doing a fine job of that on its own, and it's ''very'' unlikely that he'll realise that the root of his problems is not the trolls, the internet, or even God and [[Christopher's name change|the Bear]]. It's him.

==Examples==
:''Read: [[White knight emails]]''

===White Knights on YouTube===

Among the most notable of Chris's white knights was a [[YouTube]] counter-troll who claimed to be a 21 year-old Russian model named Svenka. Via her YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/hottiee96 hottiee96], she released an inordinate number of screencaps from troll conversations on [[Sonichu IRC]], including private conversations between Chris and [[PandaHalo]]. Also, she released an image of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] who would later steal Chris's first date, [[Emily]]. Were Chris less thick-skulled and even slightly willing to accept irrefutable evidence, Svenka may have made somewhat of a negative impact on the organized trolling effort against Chris, but ultimately she was ineffectual. Svenka also had a unhealthy obsession with the [[CWCville Library]]'s original curator, Arjen Van Dierten.
On 6 [[May 2009]], YouTube user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/[http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePinchisDaBomb ThePinchisDaBomb] tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/softerthanhardware YouTube]</ref> The Pinch has also threatened [[BlueSpike]] saying he has information from his friends but the thing is '''BLUESPIKE HAS NO FRIENDS'''.

===White Knights on Facebook===

In recent times (since 2012), Chris has taken to using [[Facebook]] as his main means of expressing himself. Inevitably, this has not only attracted the attention of trolls, but, in 2013, a slew of White Knights as well, in particular, a [[William Elliott Waterman]], who taunted the trolls to come after him instead of Chris ''('''Spoiler:''' Nobody did, because nobody actually cared what he had to say.)'' [[Anna]] and [[Kim]] are two of the most notable ones on his friends list, both of whom try to offer constructive advice whenever Chris nosedives into a rant ''(when they're not busy kissing his ass, especially in the case of Anna.)''

However, as we've come to expect of Chris, anybody who tells him something he doesn't want to hear are people that needed to be brushed off until they stop saying those mean, awful things to him. A good case in point is his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris_Expresses_His_Outrage_for_Walmart|anger-laced tirade in September 2013, when he got thrown out of Wal-Mart and started calling names]]. The white knights typically chimed in with their support...''until'' he revealed that he [[Chris and the law|vandalized]] an X-Box ONE display in the store. Several of them then told Chris that this was not right of him to do, and that the manager had every right to throw him out. His response to that?

{{quote|They do not.
And if they do, they are most in the wrong, [[Chris and reality|because they are most abusive and overzealous of their "authoritative power" that never has existed ever]].|- Chris's response to Chris Rhodes}}

===White Knights in Real Life===

Aside from the most [[Anna McLerran|obvious example]], an old classmate of Chris from [[Manchester High School]] came online and attempted to defend Chris. Once [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|certain]] [[Death Threats|details]] became known, however, said classmate quickly backpedalled on this once he realised that the majority of [[CWCki|what happened]] was Chris' own fault.

===TV Tropes===
The [[TV Tropes]] [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/Sonichu article on ''Sonichu''] used to have a white knight message as the first text of the article, with a link back to this very page. The message is reproduced below:

{{quote|Hey Chris! If you're reading this: you seriously need to get help from licensed professionals, before the stuff you do [[28 October 2011|gets you thrown in prison]] or forcibly committed. And we're sorry, but you have no real fans - the people you think are your fans are really either trolls or laughing at you behind your back. Every. Last. One. Please listen to us - for once.|- Concerned tropers}}

Unfortunately, the editor in question and fails to realize that [[Chris and his Ego|their message, while well intentioned, will do absolutely nothing]] and Chris will simply ignore it even if he does [[Mailbag 52|fully read and input it for better development. Thank you for your time.]] The message was later removed due to a shift in policy regarding the article.

==Conclusion==
As good as your intentions may be, there is no conceivable way any mortal human alive can reach Chris and change him for the better. Your efforts will unfortunately fail, and he will just brush you aside, seeing no difference between you and the trolls. Nothing short of divine intervention, revelation, or a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|horrifyingly close brush with death]] will change him. You would be best to leave him be and find something else to do with your time. All we can do is hope that one of the three aforementioned scenarios happen at some point, [[Chris and Religion|though the first two seem highly unlikely]].

==See Also==
*[[A-Logging|Alogging]]
*[[White knight E-mails]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/White_knight White Knighting] article at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

A-Logs

2014-07-25T19:30:19Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[File:A_Log.jpg|thumb|240px|Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto was a YouTube commentator known for his commentaries on Chris's videos and harshly criticizing Chris while having many faults similar to Chris himself.]]
[[File:A-Logging in nutshell.jpg|thumb|A-Logging in a nutshell. You don't even need to watch the video in question, the title and thumbnail is quite enough, thank you very much.]]

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Protip|This article is about the term "A-Logging" and not about the person A-Log, so stop putting too many A-Log references until this turns into an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article about A-Log himself.}}

{{quote|What Saddam did in the [[Father Call|Gulf War]] was potatoes to what [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has done.|A-Log, and an example of A-Logging}}

'''A-Logging''' is a term used to describe the practice of those who follow Chris who wish to inflict harm upon him, often physical, and often for perceived "crimes" that Chris is "guilty" of. Those who follow this practice are known as '''A-Logs'''. A-Logs are an opposite extreme to [[White knight|white knights]], whereas white knights try to defend Chris from [[trolls]] and help him to improve his situation, A-Logs hold the belief that Chris is beneath contempt and deserving of whatever scorn and harm he is subjected to and then some. While once fashionable, it has become a view associated with people who wish to "trollshield" themselves, and therefore is looked down upon by the greater CWC community.

The term originates from '''Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto''', a [[YouTube]] commentator who is known for providing commentary on Chris's videos, and often goes on about how Chris is an awful person (and how he, A-Log, is better) and wishes harm to be inflicted on him. However, A-Log is notorious for being known as "Chris-Chan 2.0" because of his poorly-written erotic fanfiction, his radio show, his awkward interviews at WolfDork.com etc. It was this practice, among other things (including his own similarities to Chris himself), that led to A-Log becoming a trolling subject himself, and the inspiration of this very page.

==Motivations==
There are a few motivations which are common in A-Logs, as they are the motivations behind the original A-Log's commentaries.

===Justifications for trolling Chris===
Some would argue that it is sinister and just plain wrong to mock a mentally deficient person such as Chris. As a result, some people justify trolling him by arguing that he ''is'', in fact, a bad person who "deserves" to be trolled. One common argument is that "Chris gives [[autism|autistics]] a bad name." Others will appeal to his [[Chris and race|debatable racism]], [[homos|homophobia]], or [[Women's rights|sexism]] as excuses to troll Chris. By establishing that Chris is a bad person, it seems to justify that Chris not only deserves the treatment he currently receives, but also deserves physical and/or psychological harm inflicted on him.

It was notable that Chris had done quite a lot of horrible deeds in his life - be it [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|cursing his former potential sweetheart Megan Schroeder for trolling him]] (which of course, she obviously didn't) or [[28 October 2011|running over Michael Snyder with his car]]. This motivated the A-Loggers to ironically wish him death and curse him.

===Trollshielding===
Often times, those who "A-Log" do so to "trollshield" or avoid becoming troll victims as well. These people tend to have many traits in common with Chris - they too are autistic, still live at home beyond an appropriate age, are unemployed and/or are living off welfare, have trouble with romance, or are fixated on childish things. Some are perhaps even worse off than Chris. However, A-Logs will argue that they are "at least not like Chris" and are fervent in their urge to troll Chris so people don't troll them themselves. Often times, as in the case of the original A-Log this backfires and they find themselves becoming the subject of trolls.

==Arguments against A-Logs==

While Chris is far from perfect, there are those who believe that he is not exactly deserving of harm or extreme abuse that A-Logs would call for. This is reminiscent of the divided opinions in regards to [[BlueSpike]] and his style of trolling, with many disapproving of his extreme methods, but some who want a return to those more sadistic times.

===Chris is not Hitler===
Chris is not an utterly despicable person who is guilty of "crimes" that must be punished. Hitler was responsible for the death of nearly 11 million civilians during World War II.<ref>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/36qs.html 36 Questions & Answers About the Holocaust]</ref> For the most part, Chris is just a gullible idiot who spends his time playing [[video games|vidya]]. While he ''is'' quite prone to [[Chris and anger|rage]] and has a noted tendency to threaten people with violence and [[death threats|death]], it is generally understood that Chris is not competent enough to actually carry out any threats. There are only a few notable events in [[Sonichu_8|Sonichu]] and [[Sonichu_10|CWCville]] where Chris's fictional actions are violent. The October 2011 GAMe PLACe incident also seems to portray Chris as a truly violent individual. More likely than not, Chris's actions on that day were the result of his mother's influence, non-existent driving skills, and sheer blind panic rather than outright malevolence.<ref>[[28 October 2011#Email?|"Mom took the wheel"]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut|Chris exhibits poor judgement while driving]]</ref>

===Legal Liability===
Perhaps the best reason against A-Logging is the legal liability (i.e. being charged and possibly convicted of stalking, terroristic threats, assault, or any other possible charges that could be filed against someone). Whatever feelings a person may have against Christian Weston Chandler, there is no legal defense for someone taking the law into their own hands and subsequently ending up with a possible life-altering felony conviction. In addition to this, the charm of watching Chris is his eternal struggle against a nonexistent enemy. Committing actual violence would only legitimize Chris's victim complex.

====Chris's [[Chris and race|racism]] and [[Homos|homophobia]]====
While his views on race and homosexuality are not politically correct, they hardly seem to suggest Chris is an amoral monster. Chris's discomfort for black people, while not politically correct, is arguably more from failing to understand social norms. Chris simply doesn't understand that one does not announce to the world one is discomforted by African-Americans; this is far from the outright ideology of white supremacy that your average KKK member would have. Chris has no history of actually going out and lynching blacks or other minorities that discomfort him. Chris's notable offenses have been picking on and applying stereotypes to the black kids who defeated him in card games at [[The GAMe PLACe]], as well as using "Jew" as a pejorative against [[Michael Snyder]], who Chris inaccurately believes to be Jewish. One of Chris's grievances, if you can call it that, is that non-white women don't fit his ideal vision of a [[sweetheart]], which he constantly fails to properly articulate; it is entirely possible for a non-racist white man to not be sexually attracted to non-white women. Chris has used the racial slur of "nigger" in a few of his means of communication, though he shows some degree of reservation where he uses this word. During the [[Lars Call]], Chris shows great apprehension towards using the word "nigga" and only does so when Lars gives him implicit permission. One of the most famous instances of Chris's use of the word "nigger" is in his video confronting Surf Shack Tito on his trolling efforts.<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb#Video|On camera use of the word "nigger"]]</ref> In this video, Chris's racism is often found humorous as Tito is meant to be of Hawaiian descent. When one examines Chris's use of the word, he does not show any understanding of the complexity, history, proper context, or underlying implications of the slur.<ref>[[Surfshack Tito E-mails|Chris's liberal use of "nigger"]]</ref> Once again, it is likely that Chris has been exposed to this word and chooses to repeat it blindly as he knows it that it is edgy and offensive to African-Americans.

In regards to his homophobia, while his reasons are ill-informed at best, Chris is a rather ordinary person who is discomforted by homosexuals. Chris's father is the likely source of Chris's dislike of homosexuals as Chris has had very little friendly interaction with anyone, never mind true homosexuals.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call#Transcript|"[...]conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were gay[...]"]]</ref><ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|"[...]and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me."]]</ref> In short, Chris is ''not'' the Westboro Baptist Church- he is not involved in massive campaigns against homosexuals using inflammatory language or protests, nor is he head of a power-lobbying group against LGBT individuals in Washington.

====The tugboat====
Some A-Logs contend that Chris is a bad person because he "steals" [[tugboat|taxpayer]] money. What is almost always overlooked by A-Logs who make this claim is that it wasn’t Chris who applied for social security disability; it was [[Bob|his father]] who applied for Chris and it was he who convinced Chris that he would make more off of disability than working at a minimum wage job. Realistically, Chris didn’t have any say in the matter because Bob held all the purse strings when it came to Chris having food, shelter and clothing.

So why doesn’t Chris get off his “lazy butt and earn his keep”? Well, because there are a couple of very difficult barriers that stand in his way that many A-Loggers simply don’t take into consideration.

First, there is the bureaucratic red tape and regulations involved in someone who is on disability working full-time. Ironically, it isn’t Chris sitting around playing video games day after day receiving a government check that would likely get him in trouble for disability fraud, it would be working full-time at a minimum wage job while still getting a disability check that would get him in trouble.

Second, there is the issue of Chris's lack of preparation in independent living skills as well as his lack of coaching in finding a job and being able to keep it. Moreover, given Chris’s rather infamous reputation by people who have documented every unsavory aspect of his life, it would be more likely than not by taking someone working in human services or in the employment field (that has extremely strong networking and connections) and a job coach (on a long-term basis) to convince a skeptical employer to give Chris a realistic chance at successfully finding and keeping a job. In addition, given Chris's rap sheet, even under ideal circumstances Chris's chances at decent employment may be slim at best. Chris has been convicted for the events of [[28 October 2011]] which may deter potential employers, regardless of his ability to perform to tasks they set him. While it may sound attractive to the uninformed to "kick his ass" when it comes to Chris working, in reality there are deep-seated issues that go way beyond the expertise of a few trolls, and no amount of A-Logging can change this.

===Chris is just an idiot===
Chris is not mentally retarded as defined by medical standards. His IQ is within normal range. What trips him up is his lack of "street smarts" or common sense. He actually believed that an [[Vanessa Hudgens|attractive celebrity]] was interested in him sexually and that he was talking to her. He still insists that he's had many [[sweetheart|sweethearts]], all very attractive women, and doesn't find it curious that they suddenly die or disappear. He is an easy mark, not a criminal mastermind.

===Most people can avoid the trolls===
Chris ''does'' share traits with a lot of people, and some of these traits are quite disturbing and embarrassing. It's a fair assumption that a lot of people who are following Chris's antics are unemployed gamer losers, for example. A lot of people have seen Chris and uttered "Finally, here's someone who's far more pathetic than I am".

But these traits, in itself, ''don't'' make you trollable. They ''may'' make you subject to ridicule, but it's an altogether different matter how you respond to that ridicule. You may give the people who laugh at you a mature response – laugh along with them at your own admitted faults, or just let the unwarranted criticism be what it is. Trolls certainly aren't interested in productive debate.

''Or'' you can be like Chris and get [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|BLANGRY]] at every traitorous troll under lucricities, which is exactly what the trolls want.

Most people can recognize their own faults and try to cope with them. Chris cannot.

==Examples==
{{quote|Obviously you've never heard of what he calls other people who are autistic, and that he calls people with [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]](such as myself) "fakers". he doesn't deserve some, he deserves everything for giving us a bad name. The [[trolls]] are also doing what they do to him for a good reason. it's not about the autism to them, but more of that he's a moron who is evil reincarnate and deserves to go back to hell. I don't believe you know what all CWC has done to us on youtube.|GamerXZ0, in a YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos.}}

{{quote|29 years ago today, satan was born and molded into the fucktardian [[Duck|PENIS]] we know & despise today! Should i ever see him i'm gonna [[wikipedia:Mass Transit incident (professional wrestling)|destroy him worse than new jack did to mass transit!]]|ISLAVERDE29, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos.}}

{{quote|Hooray [[Bob Chandler|he's]] dead. Now he'lll be spending his eternity in hell while I go piss on his grave.|mxc82, again, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos, referring to [[Bob Chandler]]'s death.}}

{{quote|Mostly because I was hoping the video would end with him getting shot dead. by the [[Ruckersville]] [[Jerkops|police]]. You can imagine how disappointed I am to find him still alive and kicking when the video is over.|CKO92 on YouTube reacting over [[CWC_Lego_Manchester_High_School_Oct_18_2013|Chris's recent video]].}}

{{quote|Chris Chan u are the single worst human being who ever live. If it wasn't for u fellow [[Autism|autistics]] and [[Sonichu|Sonic OC]] creators like me would be respected by the world. What you have done is unforgivable. I hope [[Barb]] dies and you spend the last minutes of your life crying about how your a pathetic failure fuck you|OfficialSteroidHedgy, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account.}}

{{quote|I hope you are ashamed that a retarded autistic person (just like yourself) killed 20 innocent kids....all autistic people should be wiped from the earth and aborted before birth since you are all evil i wish the worst fates that heaven and hell can bring upon you and all the other autistic pieces of shit like you|RealReplyGirl4Ever, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account- comparing Chris to [[wikipedia:Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|a man who shot up an elementary school]], and '''advocating genocide.'''}}

{{quote|Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!! Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? Hey, Chris? Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the [[medallion]] or shove it up your butt: make your choice. Ah, interrogating [[Autism|autistics]], it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. |[[Bluespike]].}}

{{quote|Guess whose house burned down today. CHRIS-CHAN!|Bad Webcomics Wiki, gloating on their Facebook Page about [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Chris's house burning down]].}}

{{quote|HAHAHAHAHA|A response by the Bad Webcomics Wiki when a troll calls them out for the above.}}

{{quote|Sadly, yes.|Another post from the Bad Webcomics Wiki's Facebook Page, when told that Chris survived the fire.}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Anthony_%27A-Log%27_LoGatto Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto on Encyclopedia Dramatica]
*[http://logattopedia.wikinet.org/wiki/Main_Page Logattopedia]
*[http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/04/log-man-in-mirror.html An article from Forces of Geek about A-Log, and a more in-depth on Alogging.]

[[Category: Trolling]]

Chris and music

2014-07-25T16:55:52Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Instruments */

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about.]]
[[File:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|thumb|[[Chris's Big Night Out|Sonichu's still rockin' in my head!]]]]
When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s taste is eclectic, confusing, and awe-inspring. His favorite acts range from generic, early-2000's bubblegum pop to generic rock. Pretty much everything Chris says he's a fan of comes from ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', his parents' record collection, or shit he's heard from television and film. Even then, Chris can't remember lyrics, [[Lovin' You|melodies]], or even [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the instruments used]] in his favorite songs.

==Musical tastes==
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.

Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Lite Rock Z95.1]] from [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for [[Tomgirl|women]]."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[Greene County Conspiracy|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.

The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong in an effort to look like a [[Bob Chandler|sophisticated jazz-listener]].

If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' or [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game. This adds yet more [[Obesity|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3|video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.

Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had "a lot to live for" and told the fan to go listen to the song.

Chris has also expressed a fondness for the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing two videos ([[Hello, Juffalo]] and [[JuggaloShoutOut]]) in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually [[slow-in-the-minds|idiotic]], [[Chris and health|out-of-shape]], [[Ruckersville, VA|white-trash]] dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of society, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris.

==YouTube background music==
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."

==Singing==

{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}

[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,
 You know you had to learn,
 The execution of your mind,
 You really had to turn"]]

It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly.

Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Tenor#Tenor_buffo_or_Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.

Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. Because of this, he's terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because the repetition makes it the only part of the song he pays attention to. This doesn't stop him from attempting to make up his own lyrics, although most of the time this just him mumbling incoherent nonsense before pausing to wait for the chorus to repeat. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.

===A capella===
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].

Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.

===Rap===
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.

Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.

Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:

{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}

This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.

{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}

In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate effect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.

Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs.

==Instruments==

[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|**clickclickclick**. It's like I'm playing real guitar, y'all!]]

[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]

{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit.|[[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}

Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu (comic)|"creations"]] are [[Things Chris has ripped off|copies of other things]], yet are still [[Chris and copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his autistic mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.

As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}

{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.|Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}

It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of autism, as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.

==Recording tech==
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his [[Speech impediment|unique voice]]. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:

* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.

* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover.

* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect... who are we kidding?

Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.

Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Music]]

Chris and music

2014-07-25T16:55:09Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Musical tastes */

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about.]]
[[File:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|thumb|[[Chris's Big Night Out|Sonichu's still rockin' in my head!]]]]
When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s taste is eclectic, confusing, and awe-inspring. His favorite acts range from generic, early-2000's bubblegum pop to generic rock. Pretty much everything Chris says he's a fan of comes from ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', his parents' record collection, or shit he's heard from television and film. Even then, Chris can't remember lyrics, [[Lovin' You|melodies]], or even [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the instruments used]] in his favorite songs.

==Musical tastes==
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.

Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Lite Rock Z95.1]] from [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for [[Tomgirl|women]]."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[Greene County Conspiracy|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.

The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong in an effort to look like a [[Bob Chandler|sophisticated jazz-listener]].

If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' or [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game. This adds yet more [[Obesity|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3|video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.

Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had "a lot to live for" and told the fan to go listen to the song.

Chris has also expressed a fondness for the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing two videos ([[Hello, Juffalo]] and [[JuggaloShoutOut]]) in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually [[slow-in-the-minds|idiotic]], [[Chris and health|out-of-shape]], [[Ruckersville, VA|white-trash]] dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of society, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris.

==YouTube background music==
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."

==Singing==

{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}

[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,
 You know you had to learn,
 The execution of your mind,
 You really had to turn"]]

It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly.

Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Tenor#Tenor_buffo_or_Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.

Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. Because of this, he's terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because the repetition makes it the only part of the song he pays attention to. This doesn't stop him from attempting to make up his own lyrics, although most of the time this just him mumbling incoherent nonsense before pausing to wait for the chorus to repeat. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.

===A capella===
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].

Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.

===Rap===
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.

Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.

Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:

{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}

This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.

{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}

In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate effect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.

Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs.

==Instruments==

[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|**clickclickclick**. It's like I'm playing real guitar, y'all!]]

[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]

{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit.|[[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}

Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu|"creations"]] are copies of other things, yet are still [[Chris and Copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his autistic mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.

As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}

{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.|Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}

It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of autism, as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.

==Recording tech==
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his [[Speech impediment|unique voice]]. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:

* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.

* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover.

* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect... who are we kidding?

Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.

Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Music]]

Chris and music

2014-07-25T16:53:05Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Musical tastes */

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about.]]
[[File:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|thumb|[[Chris's Big Night Out|Sonichu's still rockin' in my head!]]]]
When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s taste is eclectic, confusing, and awe-inspring. His favorite acts range from generic, early-2000's bubblegum pop to generic rock. Pretty much everything Chris says he's a fan of comes from ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', his parents' record collection, or shit he's heard from television and film. Even then, Chris can't remember lyrics, [[Lovin' You|melodies]], or even [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the instruments used]] in his favorite songs.

==Musical tastes==
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.

Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Lite Rock Z95.1]] from [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for [[Tomgirl|women]]."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[100 2178|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.

The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong in an effort to look like a [[Bob Chandler|sophisticated jazz-listener]].

If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' or [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game. This adds yet more [[Obesity|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3| video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.

Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had "a lot to live for" and told the fan to go listen to the song.

Chris has also expressed a fondness for the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing two videos ([[Hello, Juffalo]] and [[JuggaloShoutOut]]) in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually [[slow-in-the-minds|idiotic]], [[Chris and health|out-of-shape]], [[Ruckersville, VA|white-trash]] dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of society, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris.

==YouTube background music==
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."

==Singing==

{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}

[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,
 You know you had to learn,
 The execution of your mind,
 You really had to turn"]]

It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly.

Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Tenor#Tenor_buffo_or_Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.

Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. Because of this, he's terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because the repetition makes it the only part of the song he pays attention to. This doesn't stop him from attempting to make up his own lyrics, although most of the time this just him mumbling incoherent nonsense before pausing to wait for the chorus to repeat. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.

===A capella===
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].

Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.

===Rap===
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.

Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.

Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:

{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}

This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.

{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}

In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate effect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.

Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs.

==Instruments==

[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|**clickclickclick**. It's like I'm playing real guitar, y'all!]]

[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]

{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit.|[[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}

Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu|"creations"]] are copies of other things, yet are still [[Chris and Copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his autistic mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.

As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}

{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.|Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}

It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of autism, as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.

==Recording tech==
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his [[Speech impediment|unique voice]]. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:

* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.

* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover.

* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect... who are we kidding?

Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.

Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Music]]

CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero

2014-07-25T16:50:39Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Quote|I've recently made my own music video of "Holding Out For a Hero sang by Bonnie Tyler, It's dedicated to my current [[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. What does everyone think about it([[Chris and reality|I believe it turned out pretty great]] [[Chris and his Ego|if I do say so myself]])|Chris, modest as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Despite just meeting me, I told him I already “felt a connection with him. I feel like you're my hero. I have this vision of you rescuing me from my school on a horse. I want you to make a video just like that." At this point he was all in.|[[Ivy]]<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

On 26 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] released a [[Chris and music|music]] video for [[Ivy]], his then [[sweetheart]], known as '''CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero'''.

Chris would later reupload this video to his [[IBAChandler]] [[YouTube]] account on 29 [[July 2009]], despite his relationship with Ivy ending months earlier.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero
| video = {{#ev:youtube|D7XrVgM5E6Y}}
| stardate = 26 [[March 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{JerkopShirt|text}} {{PokeShirt|text}}, alongside others.
| previous = [[CWC%27s_Message_for_Ivy#Video|CWC's Message for Ivy]]
| next = [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009#Video|CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I dedicate this Music Video to Ivy. :)
[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|Also, in addition to if anyone messes up this relationship, if anyone messes with Ivy, Period]], I Swear to [[God and Jesus]] that I will cease drawing my comics and efforts to recovering the Sonichu Site. As long as y'all just Back Off, everyone's cool. 
Have a good day. 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

==Highlights==

[[Image:CWCEOJ.jpg|thumb|right|"Add 8 to his attack if his target is MALE"]]

In chronological order:

*'''0:01-0:10''' - Make note of how he [[Chris and art|holds the pen]] in the first moments of the video.
*'''0:10-0:35''' - The part of the amazing intro where he plays his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[Gitar of Fail|gitar]] with a look of dejection. Notably: There is no guitar track in the song.
*'''0:57-1:00''' - Chris turns.
*'''1:39-1:43''' - Chris says "Sonichu, cut the powers and release the prisoners!".
*'''1:44-1:47''' - "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|SHIN-YE-HA-ME-HA]]"!
*'''1:51-1:55''' - "ELECTRIC-HEDGEHOG POWER"!
*'''2:31-2:33''' - A very accurate depiction of a Jet-Pack.
*'''2:41-3:05''' - Chris doing a "guitar solo" on his ''Guitar Hero'' guitar, despite the fact that this song doesn't have a guitar solo. Often considered the highlight of the video. Note how the guitar strap is put on.
*'''3:29-3:31''' - "FIRE IN MY BLOOD"
*'''3:57-4:03''' - A weird [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|NOISE]].
*'''4:04-4:08''' - Chris invents a new sex move.
*'''4:53-5:00''' - Holy shit.
*'''5:00-5:52''' - Chris recycles scenes.
*'''Overall''' - The fact that Chris doesn't realize how [[homos|gay]] this song makes him look like.
*'''Overall''' - Chris drawing himself more slender when he IRL is becoming fatter.

=== Transcript ===
''From '''4:40-5:10''' Chris sings and says:''

She's gotta be strong, she's gotta be pure and she's got to be [[Women's rights|fresh from the shop]]. I need a heroiiine, aaaah. I'm holding out for my hero til' the morning Hliiight. She's gotta be [[love Quest|true]], she's gotta be pretty and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be [[Ivy|Ivvyyyyy]]. Dedicated to her. I love you, Ivy.

==See also==
*[[Chris Sings Lovin' You]]

{{References}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]]|nextlink=[[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2009| 2009-03-26]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-03-26]]

CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero

2014-07-25T16:48:41Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Quote|I've recently made my own music video of "Holding Out For a Hero sang by Bonnie Tyler, It's dedicated to my current [[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. What does everyone think about it([[Chris and reality|I believe it turned out pretty great]] [[Chris and his Ego|if I do say so myself]])|Chris, modest as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Despite just meeting me, I told him I already “felt a connection with him. I feel like you're my hero. I have this vision of you rescuing me from my school on a horse. I want you to make a video just like that." At this point he was all in.|[[Ivy]]<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

On 26 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] released a music video for [[Ivy]], his then [[sweetheart]], known as '''CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero'''.

Chris would later reupload this video to his [[IBAChandler]] [[YouTube]] account on 29 [[July 2009]], despite his relationship with Ivy ending months earlier.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero
| video = {{#ev:youtube|D7XrVgM5E6Y}}
| stardate = 26 [[March 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{JerkopShirt|text}} {{PokeShirt|text}}, alongside others.
| previous = [[CWC%27s_Message_for_Ivy#Video|CWC's Message for Ivy]]
| next = [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009#Video|CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I dedicate this Music Video to Ivy. :)
[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|Also, in addition to if anyone messes up this relationship, if anyone messes with Ivy, Period]], I Swear to [[God and Jesus]] that I will cease drawing my comics and efforts to recovering the Sonichu Site. As long as y'all just Back Off, everyone's cool. 
Have a good day. 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

==Highlights==

[[Image:CWCEOJ.jpg|thumb|right|"Add 8 to his attack if his target is MALE"]]

In chronological order:

*'''0:01-0:10''' - Make note of how he [[Chris and art|holds the pen]] in the first moments of the video.
*'''0:10-0:35''' - The part of the amazing intro where he plays his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[Gitar of Fail|gitar]] with a look of dejection. Notably: There is no guitar track in the song.
*'''0:57-1:00''' - Chris turns.
*'''1:39-1:43''' - Chris says "Sonichu, cut the powers and release the prisoners!".
*'''1:44-1:47''' - "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|SHIN-YE-HA-ME-HA]]"!
*'''1:51-1:55''' - "ELECTRIC-HEDGEHOG POWER"!
*'''2:31-2:33''' - A very accurate depiction of a Jet-Pack.
*'''2:41-3:05''' - Chris doing a "guitar solo" on his ''Guitar Hero'' guitar, despite the fact that this song doesn't have a guitar solo. Often considered the highlight of the video. Note how the guitar strap is put on.
*'''3:29-3:31''' - "FIRE IN MY BLOOD"
*'''3:57-4:03''' - A weird [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|NOISE]].
*'''4:04-4:08''' - Chris invents a new sex move.
*'''4:53-5:00''' - Holy shit.
*'''5:00-5:52''' - Chris recycles scenes.
*'''Overall''' - The fact that Chris doesn't realize how [[homos|gay]] this song makes him look like.
*'''Overall''' - Chris drawing himself more slender when he IRL is becoming fatter.

=== Transcript ===
''From '''4:40-5:10''' Chris sings and says:''

She's gotta be strong, she's gotta be pure and she's got to be [[Women's rights|fresh from the shop]]. I need a heroiiine, aaaah. I'm holding out for my hero til' the morning Hliiight. She's gotta be [[love Quest|true]], she's gotta be pretty and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be [[Ivy|Ivvyyyyy]]. Dedicated to her. I love you, Ivy.

==See also==
*[[Chris Sings Lovin' You]]

{{References}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]]|nextlink=[[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2009| 2009-03-26]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-03-26]]

Gitar of Fail

2014-07-25T16:48:11Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Image:Gitar.jpg|right|thumb|200px|The gitar in the image that won him $400 from [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest|GameStop]] (''Guitar Hero III'' version)]]
[[Image:CWCAdultChronicles.jpg|left|thumb|150px|The Gitar of Fail is seen on Chris's back here.]]
[[File:Gitarr.jpg|thumb|How Chris sees himself]]
The '''Gitars of Fail''' are Chris's custom painted ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' guitar controllers that make appearances in several videos. They are not mere game controllers, however; Chris likes to pose with the controllers, for example in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] as well as several videos.

The Gitars also make many appearances in the comics, for example [[Revive Zordon|when going Jericho on 4-Cent Garbage]], and also on the cover of his mocked-up copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. He appears to think [[Chris and reality|that it counts as an actual instrument and gives him the skill to really play a guitar.]]

<div style="text-align:center;">'''Fun Fact: He fails at using the guitar strap.'''</div>

== Gitars through the ages ==
Chris made [[wikipedia:Robert Kotick#Controversy|Bobby Kotick]] a ''very'' happy man. Judging from [[100 2278|the most recent photos from Chris's room]] from [[October 2010]], Chris currently has ''at least'' five Gitars of Fail:

* The ''Guitar Hero 5'' version, which Chris hasn't managed to mod to the extreme just yet.
* The ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul version, with [[Sonichu]] paintjob.
* The ''Guitar Hero I/II'' Gibson SG version, turquoise with the [[America]]n flag stripes and tons of stickers.
* A mostly [[black]] one.
* A worn one, making its appearance in [[Victory Rockout]] video in August 2011. Chris got this from a garage sale, bundled with an unspecified game.

It's not clear why Chris would buy more than one controller, as the controllers are mostly compatible with newer games and he obviously has no friends to play with. Why he keeps collecting ''more'' of them after the ''Guitar Hero'' line has been discontinued is anyone's guess. But then again, common sense has never had much to do with his video game purchasing decisions.

He may have had even more of them, as he sold another ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul on [[eBay]] in September 2009. He also had a customized ''Rock Band'' Stratocaster known as "[[Things Chris has ripped off|Meatwad's Shredwud]]," appeared in a video Chris recorded in [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|October 2009]]. Chris hocked this guitar on eBay around the same time, effectively [[Jimmy Hill|selling a product]] identical to another cartoonist's intellectual property.

==Appearances==
*The Gitar appeared in the [[PS3 History Level]] video.
*In [[Power]], the [[Nudes|half-naked]] Chris lifts it above his head in a show of [[I AM STRONG|strength]], before miming playing it, namely by wiggling his fingers and screeching.
*In Chris's [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|music video]] for [[Ivy]], he uses the Gitar extensively to rock out for her. In this video, it appears that Chris has further decorated the Gitar since he [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|first introduced it]] in October 2008.
*It appears again when Chris [[100 2266|cosplays as Grimace.]]
*He occasionally mimes out the main guitar riff in his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend" video.]]

==Guitar Hero III version==
<center><gallery>
Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|Quietly confident.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|The funny thing is, there are no guitar solos in the song "Holding Out For a Hero"... at all.
Image:CWCShred.jpg|Not even guitar parts, I'm afraid.
</gallery></center>

== Guitar Hero II version ==
<center><gallery>
Image:515-CustomGuitar2.JPG|Closeup of the body. Note how the paint looks like poster paint, since Chris's greasy hands would wipe off watercolor.
Image:516-CustomGuitar3.JPG|Neck of guitar controller. Notice Chris's pic of himself playing guitar is on his guitar on the body AND the fret board. Also, transformation sequence of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
Image:517-CustomGuitar4.JPG|Head. Notice the Sonichu sticker.
Image:514-CustomGuitar1.JPG|Chris showing it off (to himself, at least).
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest]]
* [[Chris and music]]
* [[Guitar Hero]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero

2014-07-25T16:43:01Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Highlights */

{{Quote|I've recently made my own music video of "Holding Out For a Hero sang by Bonnie Tyler, It's dedicated to my current [[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. What does everyone think about it([[Chris and reality|I believe it turned out pretty great]] [[Ego|if I do say so myself]])|Chris, modest as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Despite just meeting me, I told him I already “felt a connection with him. I feel like you're my hero. I have this vision of you rescuing me from my school on a horse. I want you to make a video just like that." At this point he was all in.|[[Ivy]]<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

On 26 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] released a music video for [[Ivy]], his then [[sweetheart]], known as '''CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero'''.

Chris would later reupload this video to his [[IBAChandler]] [[YouTube]] account on 29 [[July 2009]], despite his relationship with Ivy ending months earlier.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero
| video = {{#ev:youtube|D7XrVgM5E6Y}}
| stardate = 26 [[March 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{JerkopShirt|text}} {{PokeShirt|text}}, alongside others.
| previous = [[CWC%27s_Message_for_Ivy#Video|CWC's Message for Ivy]]
| next = [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009#Video|CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I dedicate this Music Video to Ivy. :)
[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|Also, in addition to if anyone messes up this relationship, if anyone messes with Ivy, Period]], I Swear to [[God and Jesus]] that I will cease drawing my comics and efforts to recovering the Sonichu Site. As long as y'all just Back Off, everyone's cool. 
Have a good day. 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

==Highlights==

[[Image:CWCEOJ.jpg|thumb|right|"Add 8 to his attack if his target is MALE"]]

In chronological order:

*'''0:01-0:10''' - Make note of how he [[Chris and art|holds the pen]] in the first moments of the video.
*'''0:10-0:35''' - The part of the amazing intro where he plays his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[Gitar of Fail|gitar]] with a look of dejection. Notably: There is no guitar track in the song.
*'''0:57-1:00''' - Chris turns.
*'''1:39-1:43''' - Chris says "Sonichu, cut the powers and release the prisoners!".
*'''1:44-1:47''' - "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|SHIN-YE-HA-ME-HA]]"!
*'''1:51-1:55''' - "ELECTRIC-HEDGEHOG POWER"!
*'''2:31-2:33''' - A very accurate depiction of a Jet-Pack.
*'''2:41-3:05''' - Chris doing a "guitar solo" on his ''Guitar Hero'' guitar, despite the fact that this song doesn't have a guitar solo. Often considered the highlight of the video. Note how the guitar strap is put on.
*'''3:29-3:31''' - "FIRE IN MY BLOOD"
*'''3:57-4:03''' - A weird [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|NOISE]].
*'''4:04-4:08''' - Chris invents a new sex move.
*'''4:53-5:00''' - Holy shit.
*'''5:00-5:52''' - Chris recycles scenes.
*'''Overall''' - The fact that Chris doesn't realize how [[homos|gay]] this song makes him look like.
*'''Overall''' - Chris drawing himself more slender when he IRL is becoming fatter.

=== Transcript ===
''From '''4:40-5:10''' Chris sings and says:''

She's gotta be strong, she's gotta be pure and she's got to be [[Women's rights|fresh from the shop]]. I need a heroiiine, aaaah. I'm holding out for my hero til' the morning Hliiight. She's gotta be [[love Quest|true]], she's gotta be pretty and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be [[Ivy|Ivvyyyyy]]. Dedicated to her. I love you, Ivy.

==See also==
*[[Chris Sings Lovin' You]]

{{References}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]]|nextlink=[[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2009| 2009-03-26]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-03-26]]

CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero

2014-07-25T16:42:11Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Transcript */

{{Quote|I've recently made my own music video of "Holding Out For a Hero sang by Bonnie Tyler, It's dedicated to my current [[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. What does everyone think about it([[Chris and reality|I believe it turned out pretty great]] [[Ego|if I do say so myself]])|Chris, modest as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Despite just meeting me, I told him I already “felt a connection with him. I feel like you're my hero. I have this vision of you rescuing me from my school on a horse. I want you to make a video just like that." At this point he was all in.|[[Ivy]]<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

On 26 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] released a music video for [[Ivy]], his then [[sweetheart]], known as '''CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero'''.

Chris would later reupload this video to his [[IBAChandler]] [[YouTube]] account on 29 [[July 2009]], despite his relationship with Ivy ending months earlier.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero
| video = {{#ev:youtube|D7XrVgM5E6Y}}
| stardate = 26 [[March 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{JerkopShirt|text}} {{PokeShirt|text}}, alongside others.
| previous = [[CWC%27s_Message_for_Ivy#Video|CWC's Message for Ivy]]
| next = [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009#Video|CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I dedicate this Music Video to Ivy. :)
[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|Also, in addition to if anyone messes up this relationship, if anyone messes with Ivy, Period]], I Swear to [[God and Jesus]] that I will cease drawing my comics and efforts to recovering the Sonichu Site. As long as y'all just Back Off, everyone's cool. 
Have a good day. 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

==Highlights==

[[Image:CWCEOJ.jpg|thumb|right|"Add 8 to his attack if his target is MALE"]]

In chronological order:

*'''0:01-0:10''' - Make note of how he [[Chris and art|holds the pen]] in the first moments of the video.
*'''0:10-0:35''' - The part of the amazing intro where he plays his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[Gitar of Fail|gitar]] with a look of dejection. Notably: There is no guitar track in the song.
*'''0:57-1:00''' - Chris turns.
*'''1:39-1:43''' - Chris says "Sonichu, cut the powers and release the prisoners!".
*'''1:44-1:47''' - "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|SHIN-YE-HA-ME-HA]]"!
*'''1:51-1:55''' - "ELECTRIC-HEDGEHOG POWER"!
*'''2:31-2:33''' - A very accurate depiction of a Jet-Pack.
*'''2:41-3:05''' - Chris doing a "guitar solo" on his ''Guitar Hero'' guitar, despite the fact that this song doesn't have a guitar solo. Often considered the highlight of the video. Note how the guitar strap is put on.
*'''3:29-3:31''' - "FIRE IN MY BLOOD"
*'''3:57-4:03''' - A weird [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|NOISE]].
*'''4:04-4:08''' - Chris invents a new sex move.
*'''4:53-5:00''' - Holy shit.
*'''5:00-5:52''' - Chris recycles scenes.
*'''Overall''' - The fact that Chris doesn't realize how gay this song makes him look like.
*'''Overall''' - Chris drawing himself more slender when he IRL is becoming fatter.

=== Transcript ===
''From '''4:40-5:10''' Chris sings and says:''

She's gotta be strong, she's gotta be pure and she's got to be [[Women's rights|fresh from the shop]]. I need a heroiiine, aaaah. I'm holding out for my hero til' the morning Hliiight. She's gotta be [[love Quest|true]], she's gotta be pretty and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be [[Ivy|Ivvyyyyy]]. Dedicated to her. I love you, Ivy.

==See also==
*[[Chris Sings Lovin' You]]

{{References}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC's Message for Ivy]]|nextlink=[[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2009| 2009-03-26]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-03-26]]

It's UGH!

2014-07-24T19:14:08Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Altered description */

'''It's UGH!''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 24 [[July 2009]], before removing it a short time later in usual CWC fashion. The video features him begrudgingly singing along to the song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j4t185wl-0 Ok2bgay] by Norwegian group [[Tomgirl|Tomboy]], which had been uploaded to his previous account when it was hacked in June. At the end of the video he curses at [[Jack Thaddeus]] (who had made [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris hump his PS3]] within the same day) and "[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha whatever]]."

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's UGH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvSmjxpNb20}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLogoShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[It's UGH!#Remake Video|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Up until 0:36, the only audio from the video is the song "Ok2bgay". Chris starts [[Chris and music|singing]] at 0:37, in a very unsettling and [[alcohol|drunken]] growling voice/Kermit the Frog impression. Chris actually talks at 4:04.'']

<poem>It's okay to be [[homos|gay]], let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your [[semen|load]]
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
Queen of the balls
Some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
Open your eyes
It's a matter of size

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way ''[gagging sounds]''
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah (sing hallelujah)
It's getting to ya (it's getting to ya)

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade

Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay!

Ugh. Yech. Ung... uck. Damn you, Jack Thaddeus slash Samantha whatever.</poem>

==Remake==
[[Image:TrickeryFail.jpg|thumb|Chris thought he would be clever if he made the video by not actually titling the video "It's Okay to be Gay," in addition to having tags "It's a Mockery you damn, dirty [[homos]]."]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], not satisfied with a video of Chris singing in a dumb voice and covering most of the camera as part of Chris's attempt, wanted a version of Chris singing it with more vigor.

'''It's____''', a remake of It's UGH! was uploaded on the following day, 25th [[July 2009]]. Chris is seen disguised with a Groucho mask, along with the hat and jacket of his [[Officer Nasty]] sex doll. Note, surprisingly, that Chris looks somewhat thinner in this video which just goes to show that black (and stained sex-doll accessories) really is slimming. The Youtube search tags read out, "It's a Mockery you damn dirty [[homos]]." He changes some of the pronouns of the lyrics to "she". In the last sentence of the video, he says that it's not okay to be gay, as yet another feeble attempt to "outwit" the [[trolls]].

{{clear}}

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's____
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-zwRscjKze4}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music}} Music, {{Homos}} Homos
| previous = [[It's UGH!#Video|It's UGH!]]
| next = [[Cwc dare]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Kick the Autistic|Merry Kickmas.]][[Random-access humor|Why not?]]

It's okay be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you've come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
queen of the balls
some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
open your eyes
it's a matter of size. Siiiiize

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah
It's getting to ya

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Homo dork!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay! ...'sokay to be gay! let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade (cough)

(mumbling) Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's ''not'' okay to be gay!

===Altered description===
The next day, Chris added a changed description.
{{quotebox|I INFORM YOU TRUE,

I was Blackmailed originally into singing that Damn, Dirty Song. Upon Initial Reading of the Lyrics, I FELT QUEASY and GOING TO THROW UP. I expressed that Fully in the FIRST TRIAL of singing it, even though I deleted it, someone else may have Mirrored those Close-Ups of my body and Vocals. I REMAIN STRONG AND TRUE; ONLY Straightness is Rightous; "Gay" IS "Stupid", and DO NOT use the word "[[homos|Gay]]" IN ANY SENTENCE, UNLESS you are actually talking to or about a PAPER-CERTIFIED Homosexual (they're already all damned).

I AM A PAPER-CERTIFIED STRAIGHT MAN; I Personally Hold ALL the paperwork.

For the while, with "[[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Stan Bush]]" at my PSP/PC/[[PS3]] offering me Inspiration to continue on. I required an instance WHY of all human and God-Giving Reason, and if it was AT ALL, that original track ever GOOD and Beneficial for the Cause to Stay Straight. It took an Ex-Troll-Turned-Friend to let me know that TomBoy ORIGINALLY wrote that song as a MOCKERY. That was ALL I need to know and hear to MAKE MY MOCKERY to Gays, and SING ON. I have fulfilled my End of the Deal with Victory and Valour towards the Rightous Cause of Being Straight. I had "From the darkness stumbled into the Light". While it "Seems like it's been Forever", This was the "Last Round" that I had to "Fight for what I Know IS RIGHT". "Everyone may try to Break my Spirits, Keepin' Me Down," But NO MORE.

I, "Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] and [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]]; TRUE ORIGINAL Creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], WITH EYE-WITNESSES back on HIS and HER Dates Of Creation and Birth, AM BACK, and I will not stand idle and be Disrespected with fellow Local Citizens of all Genders and [[Chris and race|Races]] Falling in That Disrespect In My Wake.

I thank you ALL to RESPECT and CONTINUE RESPECTING Me, My Friends, My Hometowns, and THESE United States of America. I AM STRAIGHT; CUT YOUR DAMN, DIRTY "GAY" THEORIES THE FUCK OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE FOREVER.

Thank You.

Christian Weston Chandler, July 25, 2009 }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]|nextlink=[[Cwc dare]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-24]]

It's UGH!

2014-07-24T19:11:27Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Altered description */

'''It's UGH!''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 24 [[July 2009]], before removing it a short time later in usual CWC fashion. The video features him begrudgingly singing along to the song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j4t185wl-0 Ok2bgay] by Norwegian group [[Tomgirl|Tomboy]], which had been uploaded to his previous account when it was hacked in June. At the end of the video he curses at [[Jack Thaddeus]] (who had made [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris hump his PS3]] within the same day) and "[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha whatever]]."

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's UGH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvSmjxpNb20}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLogoShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[It's UGH!#Remake Video|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Up until 0:36, the only audio from the video is the song "Ok2bgay". Chris starts [[Chris and music|singing]] at 0:37, in a very unsettling and [[alcohol|drunken]] growling voice/Kermit the Frog impression. Chris actually talks at 4:04.'']

<poem>It's okay to be [[homos|gay]], let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your [[semen|load]]
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
Queen of the balls
Some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
Open your eyes
It's a matter of size

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way ''[gagging sounds]''
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah (sing hallelujah)
It's getting to ya (it's getting to ya)

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade

Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay!

Ugh. Yech. Ung... uck. Damn you, Jack Thaddeus slash Samantha whatever.</poem>

==Remake==
[[Image:TrickeryFail.jpg|thumb|Chris thought he would be clever if he made the video by not actually titling the video "It's Okay to be Gay," in addition to having tags "It's a Mockery you damn, dirty [[homos]]."]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], not satisfied with a video of Chris singing in a dumb voice and covering most of the camera as part of Chris's attempt, wanted a version of Chris singing it with more vigor.

'''It's____''', a remake of It's UGH! was uploaded on the following day, 25th [[July 2009]]. Chris is seen disguised with a Groucho mask, along with the hat and jacket of his [[Officer Nasty]] sex doll. Note, surprisingly, that Chris looks somewhat thinner in this video which just goes to show that black (and stained sex-doll accessories) really is slimming. The Youtube search tags read out, "It's a Mockery you damn dirty [[homos]]." He changes some of the pronouns of the lyrics to "she". In the last sentence of the video, he says that it's not okay to be gay, as yet another feeble attempt to "outwit" the [[trolls]].

{{clear}}

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's____
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-zwRscjKze4}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music}} Music, {{Homos}} Homos
| previous = [[It's UGH!#Video|It's UGH!]]
| next = [[Cwc dare]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Kick the Autistic|Merry Kickmas.]][[Random-access humor|Why not?]]

It's okay be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you've come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
queen of the balls
some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
open your eyes
it's a matter of size. Siiiiize

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah
It's getting to ya

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Homo dork!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay! ...'sokay to be gay! let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade (cough)

(mumbling) Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's ''not'' okay to be gay!

===Altered description===
The next day, Chris added a changed description.
{{quotebox|I INFORM YOU TRUE,

I was Blackmailed originally into singing that Damn, Dirty Song. Upon Initial Reading of the Lyrics, I FELT QUEASY and GOING TO THROW UP. I expressed that Fully in the FIRST TRIAL of singing it, even though I deleted it, someone else may have Mirrored those Close-Ups of my body and Vocals. I REMAIN STRONG AND TRUE; ONLY Straightness is Rightous; "Gay" IS "Stupid", and DO NOT use the word "[[homos|Gay]]" IN ANY SENTENCE, UNLESS you are actually talking to or about a PAPER-CERTIFIED Homosexual (they're already all damned).

I AM A PAPER-CERTIFIED STRAIGHT MAN; I Personally Hold ALL the paperwork.

For the while, with "[[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Stan Bush]]" at my PSP/PC/[[PS3]] offering me Inspiration to continue on. I required an instance WHY of all human and God-Giving Reason, and if it was AT ALL, that original track ever GOOD and Beneficial for the Cause to Stay Straight. It took an Ex-Troll-Turned-Friend to let me know that TomBoy ORIGINALLY wrote that song as a MOCKERY. That was ALL I need to know and hear to MAKE MY MOCKERY to Gays, and SING ON. I have fulfilled my End of the Deal with Victory and Valour towards the Rightous Cause of Being Straight. I had "From the darkness stumbled into the Light". While it "Seems like it's been Forever", This was the "Last Round" that I had to "Fight for what I Know IS RIGHT". "Everyone may try to Break my Spirits, Keepin' Me Down," But NO MORE.

I, "Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] and [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]]; TRUE ORIGINAL Creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], WITH EYE-WITNESSES back on HIS and HER Dates Of Creation and Birth, AM BACK, and I will not stand idle and be Disrespected with fellow Local Citizens of all Genders and [[Chris and race|Races]] Falling in That Disrespect In My Wake.

I thank you ALL to RESPECT and CONTINUE RESPECTING Me, My Friends, My Hometowns, and THESE United States of America. I AM STRAIGHT; CUT YOUR DAMN, DIRTY "GAY" THEORIES THE FUCK OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE FOREVER.

Thank You.

Christian Weston Chandler, July 25, 2009 }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]|nextlink=[[Cwc dare]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-24]]

It's UGH!

2014-07-24T19:08:39Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Transcript */

'''It's UGH!''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 24 [[July 2009]], before removing it a short time later in usual CWC fashion. The video features him begrudgingly singing along to the song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j4t185wl-0 Ok2bgay] by Norwegian group [[Tomgirl|Tomboy]], which had been uploaded to his previous account when it was hacked in June. At the end of the video he curses at [[Jack Thaddeus]] (who had made [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris hump his PS3]] within the same day) and "[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha whatever]]."

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's UGH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvSmjxpNb20}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLogoShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[It's UGH!#Remake Video|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Up until 0:36, the only audio from the video is the song "Ok2bgay". Chris starts [[Chris and music|singing]] at 0:37, in a very unsettling and [[alcohol|drunken]] growling voice/Kermit the Frog impression. Chris actually talks at 4:04.'']

<poem>It's okay to be [[homos|gay]], let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your [[semen|load]]
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
Queen of the balls
Some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
Open your eyes
It's a matter of size

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way ''[gagging sounds]''
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah (sing hallelujah)
It's getting to ya (it's getting to ya)

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade

Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay!

Ugh. Yech. Ung... uck. Damn you, Jack Thaddeus slash Samantha whatever.</poem>

==Remake==
[[Image:TrickeryFail.jpg|thumb|Chris thought he would be clever if he made the video by not actually titling the video "It's Okay to be Gay," in addition to having tags "It's a Mockery you damn, dirty [[homos]]."]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], not satisfied with a video of Chris singing in a dumb voice and covering most of the camera as part of Chris's attempt, wanted a version of Chris singing it with more vigor.

'''It's____''', a remake of It's UGH! was uploaded on the following day, 25th [[July 2009]]. Chris is seen disguised with a Groucho mask, along with the hat and jacket of his [[Officer Nasty]] sex doll. Note, surprisingly, that Chris looks somewhat thinner in this video which just goes to show that black (and stained sex-doll accessories) really is slimming. The Youtube search tags read out, "It's a Mockery you damn dirty [[homos]]." He changes some of the pronouns of the lyrics to "she". In the last sentence of the video, he says that it's not okay to be gay, as yet another feeble attempt to "outwit" the [[trolls]].

{{clear}}

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's____
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-zwRscjKze4}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music}} Music, {{Homos}} Homos
| previous = [[It's UGH!#Video|It's UGH!]]
| next = [[Cwc dare]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Kick the Autistic|Merry Kickmas.]][[Random-access humor|Why not?]]

It's okay be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you've come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
queen of the balls
some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
open your eyes
it's a matter of size. Siiiiize

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah
It's getting to ya

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Homo dork!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay! ...'sokay to be gay! let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade (cough)

(mumbling) Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's ''not'' okay to be gay!

===Altered description===
The next day, Chris added a changed description.
{{quotebox|I INFORM YOU TRUE,

I was Blackmailed originally into singing that Damn, Dirty Song. Upon Initial Reading of the Lyrics, I FELT QUEASY and GOING TO THROW UP. I expressed that Fully in the FIRST TRIAL of singing it, even though I deleted it, someone else may have Mirrored those Close-Ups of my body and Vocals. I REMAIN STRONG AND TRUE; ONLY Straightness is Rightous; "Gay" IS "Stupid", and DO NOT use the word "[[Gay]]" IN ANY SENTENCE, UNLESS you are actually talking to or about a PAPER-CERTIFIED Homosexual (they're already all damned).

I AM A PAPER-CERTIFIED STRAIGHT MAN; I Personally Hold ALL the paperwork.

For the while, with "[[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Stan Bush]]" at my PSP/PC/[[PS3]] offering me Inspiration to continue on. I required an instance WHY of all human and God-Giving Reason, and if it was AT ALL, that original track ever GOOD and Beneficial for the Cause to Stay Straight. It took an Ex-Troll-Turned-Friend to let me know that TomBoy ORIGINALLY wrote that song as a MOCKERY. That was ALL I need to know and hear to MAKE MY MOCKERY to Gays, and SING ON. I have fulfilled my End of the Deal with Victory and Valour towards the Rightous Cause of Being Straight. I had "From the darkness stumbled into the Light". While it "Seems like it's been Forever", This was the "Last Round" that I had to "Fight for what I Know IS RIGHT". "Everyone may try to Break my Spirits, Keepin' Me Down," But NO MORE.

I, "Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]] and [[Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]]; TRUE ORIGINAL Creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], WITH EYE-WITNESSES back on HIS and HER Dates Of Creation and Birth, AM BACK, and I will not stand idle and be Disrespected with fellow Local Citizens of all Genders and [[Chris and race|Races]] Falling in That Disrespect In My Wake.

I thank you ALL to RESPECT and CONTINUE RESPECTING Me, My Friends, My Hometowns, and THESE United States of America. I AM STRAIGHT; CUT YOUR DAMN, DIRTY "GAY" THEORIES THE FUCK OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE FOREVER.

Thank You.

Christian Weston Chandler, July 25, 2009 }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]|nextlink=[[Cwc dare]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-24]]

2000

2014-07-24T01:53:59Z

Dynamic Dragon:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|In '''2000''', Chris celebrated his 18th birthday.]]
[[Image:043-CWCsFavHitsIn.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''2000'''.]]
[[Image:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|thumb|Chicks, uncomfortable in the [[Chandler]] household on '''24 February 2000'''.]]
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5_crop_2.jpg|thumb|'''April 2000''', the Chandlers are moving houses.]]
[[Image:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|thumb|On '''29 August 2000''', Chris launches the [[Sonichu.net|CWC Sonichu site]].]]
[[Image:094-SchuMedl.jpg|thumb|In late '''2000''', Chris created the first [[Sonichu Medallion]].]]

The year '''2000''' is the year that [[Christian Weston Chandler]] turned 18 years old. He graduated from high school and started attending [[PVCC]]. The year 2000 is iconic for the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|Sonichu fanbase]], as it was the year that he thought up [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] while making a mix CD. However, he didn't start making [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]] until [[2004]].

==Events of 2000==

* Sometime - Chris begins taking Paxil for depression.<ref>[[Autism papers#MEDICATIONS:]]</ref>

===January===
* 1 January - New Year's. It is unknown what Chris did that day.
* 22 January - Mrs. Raghu, a friend from [[Richmond]], signs Chris's guestbook and says that [[Pokémon]] is sooooo cute.<ref name="Guestbook">[http://web.archive.org/web/20001021022214/http://neptune.guestworld.lycos.com/wgb/wgbview.dbm?owner=Starytime Guestbook] of [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]</ref>
* 22 January - Jaime, a "friend" of Chris's from his [[Spanish]] 2 class, signs his guestbook and says that his website is really cool, srsly.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 26 January - A person named Scott signs Chris's guestbook and compliments his site.<ref name="Guestbook" />

===February===
* 14 February - Chris writes [[Valentines Day Hymn]], a poem, and creates a collage to go with it.
* 19 February - Chris and his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] prepare for his [[My big 18th party (story)|birthday party]].
* 24 February - Chris's 18th birthday. He has pepperoni pizza and [[CWC Cola|Pepsi]], along with watching ''Good Burger'', with his [[Gal-pal]]s at home.

===March===
* March - Chris launches [[CWC's PokéSite 2]].
* 4 March - Megan Mitchell, sister of Chris's gal-pal Miranda Mitchell, signs his guestbook and says that Chris is very good at drawing.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 12 March - Chris writes [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]], probably for Spanish class. It shows how crappy Chris's attempts at doing his homework were.
* 16 March - Mrs. Dunlap, one of Chris's teachers, signs his guestbook and says how nice the website looked after using Miranda's logos.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 17 March - When Chris is assigned to create his own [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover]], he finds out that copyrighted characters were prohibited from the project. Chris thinks up the character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a chimera of [[Pikachu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]], as a way to get around copyrights held by [[SEGA]] and [[Nintendo]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>
* 20 March - Kelbie, Annchop and Kixfairy, very strange Pokemon, are created by Chris.

===April===
* 4 April - Chris updates [[CWC's Pokésite 2|El PokéSite de RWC 2]].
* 7 April - Chris designs the cover for his Christian's Favorite Hits! CD.
* 13 April - Chris creates the Metonic card.
* 19 April - Chris creates the Christian's Sonichu card.
* 24 April - Chris starts making his self-documentary [[A Week With Christian Chandler]].
* 24 April - Chris's friend Jarrett from the Pokemon League signs his guestbook.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 29 April - Chris goes to the [[Pokémon]] league at [[Books-A-Million]]. A party is held in honor of the launch of the Team Rocket Pokémon series.
* 30 April - Chris writes that the Chandler family is moving back to [[Ruckersville]]. Christian helps move boxes.

===May===
* May - Chris takes his mom to senior prom.
* 1 May - At school, Chris prints the cover for his CD. He complains about having to ride home in a bus with some 'slow in the minds' in it. It's an odd day, so Chris has lunch alone.
* 2 May - Chris falls asleep during English class. Because it is an even day, Chris has lunch with his friends [[Tiffany Gowen]] and [[Sarah Hammer]].
* 3 May - At home, Chris plays videogames, sorts his Pokémon cards and browses the internet. He also visits the YMCA pool.
* 4 May - A school day; at Contemporary Living class Chris makes some pasta with Tiffany and Sarah, at Photography class Chris makes a mothers-day gift for Barbara.
* 5 May - Chris goes to school in shirt and tie, because it's the day of the Senior Group Photo. Because the shoot takes so long, he is picked up from school by [[Bob]].
* 9 May - Chris creates the Christian's Christian card.
* 10 May - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2. He changes around the fonts a bit, and adds a text that tells visitors to bookmark and promote his site, and to leave a message in his guestbook.
* 11 May - Chris creates the Dark Sonichu card.

===June===
* 1 June - Chris creates the Surfing Sonichu card.
* 2 June - Chris creates the Snowboarding Sonichu card.
* 9-11 June - Chris attends BrickFest 2000, an adult Lego fan convention.
* 15 June - Chris graduates from [[Manchester High School]]<ref>[[Chris's resume#Professional Education]]</ref> on [[honor roll]]. He throws a hissy-fit.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#Graduation]]</ref><ref>DVD, graduation notes [[:Image:0566-GraduationNote1.jpg|1]] and [[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|2]]</ref>
* June - Chris stops working as a volunteer assistant Gym Leader at [[Books-A-Million]] in Midlothian.<ref name="experience">[[Chris's resume#Experience]]</ref>
* June - Chris, now finished moving back to Ruckersville, stops coming to Midlothian.
* June - Chris starts working as a volunteer Gym Leader at [[Toys "R" Us]] in Charlottesville.<ref name="experience" />
* 19 June - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2. He changes the fonts and removes some text.

===July===
* 14 July - Chris makes a CD for his "big bro" [[Cole]]. He makes like a DJ and does a radio show on [[KCWC]] about him.
* 17 July - On his site, Chris declares that his family is finally finished moving to [[Ruckersville]].
* 26 July - "Sonichu" signs Chris's guestbook, saying that Chris's site is terrific.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 27 July - Christian sets to work on Christian's Favorite Hits 2! Critics claim it is much worse than the first one, which gained minimal praise.

===August===
* August - Chris starts as a Freshman at [[PVCC|Piedmont Virginia Community College]].<ref>[[Chris's resume#Academic Education]]</ref>
* 16 August - Chris's friend from Toys R Us, Jason, signs his guestbook, saying that he beat Chris with a Moltres stall deck and wishing him good luck at PVCC.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 20 August - Chris makes a Yahoo! account. The username is CChandler9885.
* 28 August - Chris creates the Cwc's Sonichu Site logo.
* 29 August - According to Chris, this is the day his [[Sonichu.net|CWC Sonichu site]] was launched.
* 30 August - ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' Preview issue #00 comes out. Chris announces his site.
* 31 August - Chris's friend from PVCC, Nicole, signs his guestbook and says that he did a good job on the website, and she wishes him luck in anything he does.<ref name="Guestbook" />

===September===
* 4 September - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' Preview issue #01 comes out. [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] is first mentioned.
* 7 September - Chris creates Chicachu, the female Pikachu, and Maychu, the female Raichu.
* 19 September - Christian updates his Christian's Sonichu card, and creates the Christian's Chicachu card and the Christian's Maychu card. He also creates the Cwick City Gym card.
* 23 September - Chris makes the Christian's Weeler, Christian's Hotfinish and Christian's Strongtire cards. He also makes a TopDeck cover with Sonichu for his scrapbook.
* 24 September - Chris creates the Christian's Flashbulb, Christian's Coonbulb, Christian's Bugzapp, Christian's Kelbie, Christian's Annchop and Christian's Kixfairy cards.
* 28 September - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' Preview issue #02 comes out.

===November===
* 11 November - Chris signs the guestbook of a website called Lione Productions.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:134331167038.png</ref>
* 12 November - Chris creates a CD for his gal-pal [[Kellie Andes]] for her birthday.
* 15 November - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2 again. He changes the font and adds some text.
* 19 November - Unfazed by the failure that was Christian's Favorite Hits 2!, Christian makes Christian's Favorite Hits 3!

===Winter===
* Chris crafts the first [[Sonichu Medallion]] from [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Crayola Model Magic Clay]].

===December===
* 21 December - [[Sonee]], Sonichu's offspring, has a card created for him.
* 22 December - Chris publishes his last news item on [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]. Also, according to the [[Wall of Originals]], this was the day that Chris conceived [[Rosechu]].
* 23 December - Chris creates another TopDeck magazine cover featuring his creations.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2000

2014-07-24T01:52:42Z

Dynamic Dragon:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|In '''2000''', Chris celebrated his 18th birthday.]]
[[Image:043-CWCsFavHitsIn.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''2000'''.]]
[[Image:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|thumb|Chicks, uncomfortable in the [[Chandler]] household on '''24 February 2000'''.]]
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5_crop_2.jpg|thumb|'''April 2000''', the Chandlers are moving houses.]]
[[Image:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|thumb|On '''29 August 2000''', Chris launches the [[Sonichu.net|CWC Sonichu site]].]]
[[Image:094-SchuMedl.jpg|thumb|In late '''2000''', Chris created the first [[Sonichu Medallion]].]]

The year '''2000''' is the year that [[Christian Weston Chandler]] turned 18 years old. He graduated from high school and started attending [[PVCC]]. The year 2000 is iconic for the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|Sonichu fanbase]], as it was the year that he thought up [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] while making a mix CD. However, he didn't start making [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]] until [[2004]].

==Events of 2000==

* Sometime - Chris begins taking Paxil for depression.<ref>[[Autism papers#MEDICATIONS:]]</ref>

===January===
* 1 January - New Year's. It is unknown what Chris did that day.
* 22 January - Mrs. Raghu, a friend from [[Richmond]], signs Chris's guestbook and says that [[Pokémon]] is sooooo cute.<ref name="Guestbook">[http://web.archive.org/web/20001021022214/http://neptune.guestworld.lycos.com/wgb/wgbview.dbm?owner=Starytime Guestbook] of [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]</ref>
* 22 January - Jaime, a "friend" of Chris's from his [[Spanish]] 2 class, signs his guestbook and says that his website is really cool, srsly.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 26 January - A person named Scott signs Chris's guestbook and compliments his site.<ref name="Guestbook" />

===February===
* 14 February - Chris writes [[Valentines Day Hymn]], a poem, and creates a collage to go with it.
* 19 February - Chris and his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] prepare for his [[My big 18th party (story)|birthday party]].
* 24 February - Chris's 18th birthday. He has pepperoni pizza and [[CWC Cola|Pepsi]], along with watching ''Good Burger'', with his [[Gal-pal]]s at home.

===March===
* March - Chris launches [[CWC's PokéSite 2]].
* 4 March - Megan Mitchell, sister of Chris's gal-pal Miranda Mitchell, signs his guestbook and says that Chris is very good at drawing.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 12 March - Chris writes [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]], probably for Spanish class. It shows how crappy Chris's attempts at doing his homework were.
* 16 March - Mrs. Dunlap, one of Chris's teachers, signs his guestbook and says how nice the website looked after using Miranda's logos.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 17 March - When Chris is assigned to create his own [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover]], he finds out that copyrighted characters were prohibited from the project. Chris thinks up the character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a chimera of [[Pikachu]] and [[Sonic]], as a way to get around copyrights held by [[SEGA]] and [[Nintendo]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>
* 20 March - Kelbie, Annchop and Kixfairy, very strange Pokemon, are created by Chris.

===April===
* 4 April - Chris updates [[CWC's Pokésite 2|El PokéSite de RWC 2]].
* 7 April - Chris designs the cover for his Christian's Favorite Hits! CD.
* 13 April - Chris creates the Metonic card.
* 19 April - Chris creates the Christian's Sonichu card.
* 24 April - Chris starts making his self-documentary [[A Week With Christian Chandler]].
* 24 April - Chris's friend Jarrett from the Pokemon League signs his guestbook.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 29 April - Chris goes to the [[Pokémon]] league at [[Books-A-Million]]. A party is held in honor of the launch of the Team Rocket Pokémon series.
* 30 April - Chris writes that the Chandler family is moving back to [[Ruckersville]]. Christian helps move boxes.

===May===
* May - Chris takes his mom to senior prom.
* 1 May - At school, Chris prints the cover for his CD. He complains about having to ride home in a bus with some 'slow in the minds' in it. It's an odd day, so Chris has lunch alone.
* 2 May - Chris falls asleep during English class. Because it is an even day, Chris has lunch with his friends [[Tiffany Gowen]] and [[Sarah Hammer]].
* 3 May - At home, Chris plays videogames, sorts his Pokémon cards and browses the internet. He also visits the YMCA pool.
* 4 May - A school day; at Contemporary Living class Chris makes some pasta with Tiffany and Sarah, at Photography class Chris makes a mothers-day gift for Barbara.
* 5 May - Chris goes to school in shirt and tie, because it's the day of the Senior Group Photo. Because the shoot takes so long, he is picked up from school by [[Bob]].
* 9 May - Chris creates the Christian's Christian card.
* 10 May - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2. He changes around the fonts a bit, and adds a text that tells visitors to bookmark and promote his site, and to leave a message in his guestbook.
* 11 May - Chris creates the Dark Sonichu card.

===June===
* 1 June - Chris creates the Surfing Sonichu card.
* 2 June - Chris creates the Snowboarding Sonichu card.
* 9-11 June - Chris attends BrickFest 2000, an adult Lego fan convention.
* 15 June - Chris graduates from [[Manchester High School]]<ref>[[Chris's resume#Professional Education]]</ref> on [[honor roll]]. He throws a hissy-fit.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#Graduation]]</ref><ref>DVD, graduation notes [[:Image:0566-GraduationNote1.jpg|1]] and [[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|2]]</ref>
* June - Chris stops working as a volunteer assistant Gym Leader at [[Books-A-Million]] in Midlothian.<ref name="experience">[[Chris's resume#Experience]]</ref>
* June - Chris, now finished moving back to Ruckersville, stops coming to Midlothian.
* June - Chris starts working as a volunteer Gym Leader at [[Toys "R" Us]] in Charlottesville.<ref name="experience" />
* 19 June - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2. He changes the fonts and removes some text.

===July===
* 14 July - Chris makes a CD for his "big bro" [[Cole]]. He makes like a DJ and does a radio show on [[KCWC]] about him.
* 17 July - On his site, Chris declares that his family is finally finished moving to [[Ruckersville]].
* 26 July - "Sonichu" signs Chris's guestbook, saying that Chris's site is terrific.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 27 July - Christian sets to work on Christian's Favorite Hits 2! Critics claim it is much worse than the first one, which gained minimal praise.

===August===
* August - Chris starts as a Freshman at [[PVCC|Piedmont Virginia Community College]].<ref>[[Chris's resume#Academic Education]]</ref>
* 16 August - Chris's friend from Toys R Us, Jason, signs his guestbook, saying that he beat Chris with a Moltres stall deck and wishing him good luck at PVCC.<ref name="Guestbook" />
* 20 August - Chris makes a Yahoo! account. The username is CChandler9885.
* 28 August - Chris creates the Cwc's Sonichu Site logo.
* 29 August - According to Chris, this is the day his [[Sonichu.net|CWC Sonichu site]] was launched.
* 30 August - ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' Preview issue #00 comes out. Chris announces his site.
* 31 August - Chris's friend from PVCC, Nicole, signs his guestbook and says that he did a good job on the website, and she wishes him luck in anything he does.<ref name="Guestbook" />

===September===
* 4 September - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' Preview issue #01 comes out. [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] is first mentioned.
* 7 September - Chris creates Chicachu, the female Pikachu, and Maychu, the female Raichu.
* 19 September - Christian updates his Christian's Sonichu card, and creates the Christian's Chicachu card and the Christian's Maychu card. He also creates the Cwick City Gym card.
* 23 September - Chris makes the Christian's Weeler, Christian's Hotfinish and Christian's Strongtire cards. He also makes a TopDeck cover with Sonichu for his scrapbook.
* 24 September - Chris creates the Christian's Flashbulb, Christian's Coonbulb, Christian's Bugzapp, Christian's Kelbie, Christian's Annchop and Christian's Kixfairy cards.
* 28 September - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' Preview issue #02 comes out.

===November===
* 11 November - Chris signs the guestbook of a website called Lione Productions.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:134331167038.png</ref>
* 12 November - Chris creates a CD for his gal-pal [[Kellie Andes]] for her birthday.
* 15 November - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2 again. He changes the font and adds some text.
* 19 November - Unfazed by the failure that was Christian's Favorite Hits 2!, Christian makes Christian's Favorite Hits 3!

===Winter===
* Chris crafts the first [[Sonichu Medallion]] from [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Crayola Model Magic Clay]].

===December===
* 21 December - [[Sonee]], Sonichu's offspring, has a card created for him.
* 22 December - Chris publishes his last news item on [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]. Also, according to the [[Wall of Originals]], this was the day that Chris conceived [[Rosechu]].
* 23 December - Chris creates another TopDeck magazine cover featuring his creations.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Jason Kendrick Howell message

2014-07-21T19:35:42Z

Dynamic Dragon:

The '''Jason Kendrick Howell voicemail message''' was [[Chris]]'s infantile-yet-laconic threat to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after the hacking of [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] in [[January 2009]]. In fact, Howell had nothing to do with the site's demise, for the mastermind was [[Clyde Cash|someone]] far more nefarious.

==Context==

On 6 January 2009, [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays contacted Chris]], claiming to be an employee of [[Nintendo]]. Mays said he had been assigned to redesign Sonichu.net as part of the cross-promotion of Sonichu and [[Animal Crossing]].

In fact, Gregg was really [[Clyde Cash]], seeking vengeance for the suicide of his [[Ryan Cash|little brother]] a few weeks earlier. By 8 January, Chris entrusted him with the password to the site, and in no time at all the site was vandalized. Unable to access the site to restore it, Chris accused Gregg of being a troll and changing the password to lock him out of his Tripod account. Gregg claimed he couldn't access the site either, and suggested that he could restore it if Chris reset the password to his account. Chris complied on 10 January, and soon the account was deleted altogether.

Then, on the 12th, Mays declared that he was Jason Kendrick Howell, a.k.a. Liquid Snake, the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. After taunting Chris and demanding he make videos for his amusement, Cash finally changed his mind on [[Gregg_Mays_E-mails#January_17.2C_2009|17 January]], and admitted that he was in fact Clyde Cash all along, and not Jason Kendrick Howell.

Chris ignored this revelation, thinking it was the Jason making up yet another alias. After all, Chris had long considered Howell to be the mastermind behind all of the trolls, while Clyde was new to the scene. Further, Chris sent the ''real'' Jason an angry voice mail, and gloated about this in response to a bewildered Clyde.

Meanwhile, the TRUE AND HONEST Jason Kendrick Howell, unaware of any of this, checked his messages and this was what he got...

==The Message==
{{Template:Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris-Chan Calls Jason Kendrick Howell
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|143KE4vJbo8}}
| Stardate = January 17, 2009; video uploaded July 19, 2014
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Jason Kendrick Howell's Answering Machine
| Subject = Chris reacts to the hacking of Sonichu.net.
| Saga = [[Image:Clyde_saga.png]] [[Clyde Cash]] Saga [[Image:Miyamoto_saga.png]] [[Miyamoto]] Saga
| previous = Only
| next = Only
}}

==Transcript==
[[File:100_2214.JPG|thumb|What he intended to do to Jason]]
''Answering Machine:'' First saved message

Jason Kendrick Howell... 
You BASTARD! 
You ''BASTARD!'' 
You hacked into everything! You have driven me so [[Chris and English|beyond]] the wall, I can't even describe it! 
You're laughing now, but 
{{RageQuote|I PRAY YOU DEAD!}}
Goodbye!

==Alternative Transcriptions==
[[Image:ILLBREAKYOUDEAD.jpg|thumb|Original e-mail with text of Chris's threat to Jason]]
Some argue Chris is actually saying "I'll ''break'' you dead", because the image of Chris going into [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] mode and snapping Jason in half ([[Sign Destruction Video|or rather clumsily attempting to]]) is quite amusing. Jason himself originally transcribed the message with Chris saying "YOU HAPPY NAPPA (?!? no idea)", rather than "You're laughing now". Given his history of [[Speech impediment|communications]] [[Chris and English|problems]], even Chris himself may have had no idea what he was trying to say.

==Legacy==

Chris would attempt to re-establish his Sonichu website several times, only to be hacked and vandalized as before. In time, Chris would view Clyde Cash as the leader of the trolls, shifting his ire away from Jason. Throughout 2009, Chris would produce numerous videos directed at Clyde, threatening him, pleading with him, or challenging him.

The rage expressed in the message would become a familiar refrain in later sagas, as Chris would often cap off a round of trolling by screaming at his camera and uploading the footage to [[YouTube]].

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails]]
*[[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]
*[[Chris and Anger]]
*[[IRC (20 January 2009)]], Chris and Clyde's next encounter.
*[[Sonichu 10]], when we actually get to see Chris break someone dead.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?7300v5ztrt6oyh0 The audio recording]
*[http://db.tt/TZ56D6xe Audio mirror]
*A Jason Retrospective [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)] Jason's commentary on the early history of Chris-Chan trolling, including his POV on the "I'll BREAK YOU DEAD" message.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Jason Kendrick Howell message

2014-07-21T19:34:39Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Alternative Transcriptions */

The '''Jason Kendrick Howell voicemail message''' was [[Chris]]'s infantile-yet-laconic threat to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after the hacking of [[Sonichu.net]] in [[January 2009]]. In fact, Howell had nothing to do with the site's demise, for the mastermind was [[Clyde Cash|someone]] far more nefarious.

==Context==

On 6 January 2009, [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays contacted Chris]], claiming to be an employee of [[Nintendo]]. Mays said he had been assigned to redesign Sonichu.net as part of the cross-promotion of Sonichu and [[Animal Crossing]].

In fact, Gregg was really [[Clyde Cash]], seeking vengeance for the suicide of his [[Ryan Cash|little brother]] a few weeks earlier. By 8 January, Chris entrusted him with the password to the site, and in no time at all the site was vandalized. Unable to access the site to restore it, Chris accused Gregg of being a troll and changing the password to lock him out of his Tripod account. Gregg claimed he couldn't access the site either, and suggested that he could restore it if Chris reset the password to his account. Chris complied on 10 January, and soon the account was deleted altogether.

Then, on the 12th, Mays declared that he was Jason Kendrick Howell, a.k.a. Liquid Snake, the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. After taunting Chris and demanding he make videos for his amusement, Cash finally changed his mind on [[Gregg_Mays_E-mails#January_17.2C_2009|17 January]], and admitted that he was in fact Clyde Cash all along, and not Jason Kendrick Howell.

Chris ignored this revelation, thinking it was the Jason making up yet another alias. After all, Chris had long considered Howell to be the mastermind behind all of the trolls, while Clyde was new to the scene. Further, Chris sent the ''real'' Jason an angry voice mail, and gloated about this in response to a bewildered Clyde.

Meanwhile, the TRUE AND HONEST Jason Kendrick Howell, unaware of any of this, checked his messages and this was what he got...

==The Message==
{{Template:Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris-Chan Calls Jason Kendrick Howell
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|143KE4vJbo8}}
| Stardate = January 17, 2009; video uploaded July 19, 2014
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Jason Kendrick Howell's Answering Machine
| Subject = Chris reacts to the hacking of Sonichu.net.
| Saga = [[Image:Clyde_saga.png]] [[Clyde Cash]] Saga [[Image:Miyamoto_saga.png]] [[Miyamoto]] Saga
| previous = Only
| next = Only
}}

==Transcript==
[[File:100_2214.JPG|thumb|What he intended to do to Jason]]
''Answering Machine:'' First saved message

Jason Kendrick Howell... 
You BASTARD! 
You ''BASTARD!'' 
You hacked into everything! You have driven me so [[Chris and English|beyond]] the wall, I can't even describe it! 
You're laughing now, but 
{{RageQuote|I PRAY YOU DEAD!}}
Goodbye!

==Alternative Transcriptions==
[[Image:ILLBREAKYOUDEAD.jpg|thumb|Original e-mail with text of Chris's threat to Jason]]
Some argue Chris is actually saying "I'll ''break'' you dead", because the image of Chris going into [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] mode and snapping Jason in half ([[Sign Destruction Video|or rather clumsily attempting to]]) is quite amusing. Jason himself originally transcribed the message with Chris saying "YOU HAPPY NAPPA (?!? no idea)", rather than "You're laughing now". Given his history of [[Speech impediment|communications]] [[Chris and English|problems]], even Chris himself may have had no idea what he was trying to say.

==Legacy==

Chris would attempt to re-establish his Sonichu website several times, only to be hacked and vandalized as before. In time, Chris would view Clyde Cash as the leader of the trolls, shifting his ire away from Jason. Throughout 2009, Chris would produce numerous videos directed at Clyde, threatening him, pleading with him, or challenging him.

The rage expressed in the message would become a familiar refrain in later sagas, as Chris would often cap off a round of trolling by screaming at his camera and uploading the footage to [[YouTube]].

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails]]
*[[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]
*[[Chris and Anger]]
*[[IRC (20 January 2009)]], Chris and Clyde's next encounter.
*[[Sonichu 10]], when we actually get to see Chris break someone dead.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?7300v5ztrt6oyh0 The audio recording]
*[http://db.tt/TZ56D6xe Audio mirror]
*A Jason Retrospective [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)] Jason's commentary on the early history of Chris-Chan trolling, including his POV on the "I'll BREAK YOU DEAD" message.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Jason Kendrick Howell

2014-07-21T18:36:26Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* In real life */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

[[Image:Jason Kendrick Howell.jpg|thumb|Jason as he appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]]]]

'''Jason Kendrick Howell''' is the original creator <ref><s>[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/User:Howellgames]</s></ref> of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|"Chris-chan" ED page]]. [[Chris]] wanted to call the [[jerkop|jerkops]] on Howell for allegedly having sex with an [[BlueSpike|underage girl]], [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]]. (Spoiler: Howell never did have that underage sex.) Howell goes by [[Metal Gear Solid|"Liquid Snake"]] on [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]]'s /v/. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|According to Chris]], he is also "the Dork of Ages", a phrase [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen]] from ''[[American Dad!]]''<ref>"[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]"</ref>

==In real life==
[[File:Jasonhowell1.jpg|thumb|Jason wearing an eyepatch IRL.]]

After Chris discovered the [[ED]] page he had some e-mail correspondence with Jason, from which Chris got Jason's phone number.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008#August]]</ref> Chris later used the phone number to find the city which Jason lived in, as well as tracing down his [[MySpace]] page, where he found [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] by looking at Jason's friend list. Chris made the assumption that Kathleen was Jason's girlfriend and Jason has had sex with her, which, combined with Kathleen's status as a seventeen-year-old, led to his accusation of Jason having underage sex. Chris also took note of the background image on Jason's MySpace page, and based Jason's appearance in the comic upon that picture.

After Jason's inclusion in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]], Chris exchanged some more e-mails with him, but it soon came to a hold. About a year later Chris's [[Sonichu site]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash]]. Chris, assuming that Jason was behind the deed, responded by calling him and making the infamous "[[Jason Kendrick Howell message|I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]" threat.

Jason eventually joined forces with [[Vivian]], recording his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]]. He also provided commentary for the [[Official Videobooks]], though he didn't so much comment on the videobooks so much as just ramble about the history of Chris with 4chan and ED.

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason resembling [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] of the [[Metal Gear Solid|''Metal Gear'' series]].]]

Jason appears in ''[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'' in the episode, "Rage Against the Garbage", as the episode's primary antagonist. He appears to reside in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building on the 72nd floor (because 72 is 66+6. Get it? 666. Because he's evil [even though the actual [[Wikipedia:Number of the Beast|number of the Beast]] is 616]).

Jason wears a cloak most of the time, and also has an eyepatch, headband, and brown hair. The eyepatch, headband, and hair color sparked some curiosity and confusion amongst the [[trolls]], considering that it was almost a blatant reference to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear|Big Boss]] of the [[Metal Gear Solid|''Metal Gear'' series]]. Some were worried that Chris had actually played ''MGS'', and was now ripping it off. However, it was revealed later by Jason himself that he actually sent Chris a photograph of himself wearing an eyepatch. (Jason also tried to send Chris the first disc of ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence|Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence]]'', but due to Chris's mail paranoia at the time, it was returned to the sender.<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ A Jason Retrospective, Part 3]</s></ref>)

[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] confront Jason and [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] over the images featured on the website of Rosechu's TRUE and HONEST [[china|genitalia]]. After refusing to take down the website following Sonichu's shitty and meaningless speech, Sonichu attempts to fight Jason, only to have his furry ass kicked by Jason's "dark force" powers. Rosechu (as [[The Incredible Lioness]]) then face-rapes him nearly to death (a move stolen from [[Things Chris has ripped off#Kekko Kamen|Kekko Kamen]]), but the "dark forces" keep him alive.

Later on in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Jason is seen talking with [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Beel]] and [[Clyde Cash]] on the "66+6" floor. He calls them all Gaywads and flies off with [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] at his side to his two-storey house in the suburbs.

In a [[Book10Replacement|video]] released on 30 [[October 2010]], Chris presents a revised ending of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which he reveals that the couple broke up when Kathleen cheated on him with their secretary, and she later went to maximum security prison for smoking [[Tobacky|pot]], where she shares a cell with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Jason supposedly dies offscreen in a car crash.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Jasonhowell 08-09-12.PNG
</gallery>
==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKW4XLBYYfs Sonichu! The Audiobook! 4-Cent Garbage Jason Edition!] by [[Vivian Gee]]</s> Dead.
*A Jason Retrospective: Jason talks of his part in the trolling. <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)]</s>
*[http://www.encyclopediadramatica.es/Chris-chan/JKH_Interview An interview Jason gave on his relation with Chris] on [[ED]]
{{Sonichu}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Howell, Jason Kendrick}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Family Guy

2014-07-21T18:32:53Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* See also */

[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

'''''[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Family Guy]]''''' is an animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|rips it off]] so much in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]], much like the show rips off everything else.

==Influence on Chris==
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least "borrowing") themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

The specific scene which Chris referenced depicted [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quoting [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being twofold; Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and, as pointed out by [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]], he is too infantile to properly contextualise Biblical scripture, a dig at ''precisely'' the sort of [[Chris and religion|brainless Bible-thumping]] Chris exhibits. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

===In ''Sonichu''===
The series is the "inspiration" for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]. Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his "skitch" in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, poorly drawn, boring shit on his own.

[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] featured the line "Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'" as an apparent example of dirty talk; in [[Wikipedia:Emission Impossible|Emission Impossible]]" "Insert rod support A into slot B," was an example of awful innuendo. Meanwhile, [[Bubbles Rosechu]] asks [[Blake]] what he wished for and he says "It's already come true"; this could be directly from [[Wikipedia:Sixteen Candles|''Sixteen Candles'']], but could also be from the [[parody]] of this scene in ''Family Guy''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s "[[Wikipedia:PTV (Family Guy)|PTV]]".

The "Spring Break" plotline also owes a lot to Meg and Lois's story in "[[Wikipedia:A Fish out of Water (Family Guy)|A Fish out of Water]]", including the bit where every channel is showing Spring Break, even the news channels.

The "[[homos|gay]] vaccine" storyline from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' 10]] was partially inspired by the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]", where Peter becomes gay after being injected with the gay gene.<ref>[[Kacey Call 16]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Chris copies the line "I'm the virgin Mary; that's my story and I'm sticking to it," from "[[Wikipedia:A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas|A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas]]."

==Chris and Meg==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]

{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his drawings.

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. It turns out that Meg is [[Silvana Rosechu]], an evil hermaphrodite furfag, in disguise. When accused of being a [[pedofork]] (Meg is 17), Chris retorted "SHE PUSHED HERSELF ONTO ME!"<ref>[[Mailbag 37]]</ref>

Chris also wrote about her in [[Mailbag 20]]:
{{quote|She has a fun and sweet personality; she is very pretty; she is smart; what is there NOT to like about her? Nothing from my point of view.}}
==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give Megan more respect, because she [[Chris and writing|IS VERY BEATIFUL]] in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
[[File:FamilyGuyChris.JPG|thumb|Chris's own sketch in a ''Family Guy''-style.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the {{CWCipedia link|Family Guy|plot he posted}} on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

Chris also described the plot in his [[9 December 2009]] C-Log; basically the same, except that it was an anime con.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos]]exuality, his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]] and issues with the plot that only someone with [[autism]] would notice. Also, the tower incident that Chris is referring to takes place in the ''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story''. However, Chris is wrong about it causing Stewie to be straight. This is because it is pretty obviously hinted in this movie that he is gay, as he is a virgin at 30, still shows very flamboyant tendencies and is very reluctant to have sex with a woman.

Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

*''"Megan does not deserve [[Kick the Autistic|the abuse]] she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!"''

*''"Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up [[Straight]]."''

*''"[[Wikipedia:Chris Griffin|Chris]] finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 6)|Season 6]], Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 7)|Season 7]]?"''

*''"While I can see [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brain]] looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?"''

*''"In "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to Multiverse]]", in the "[[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]]" Universe, Stewie asks [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Greene]] through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my [[PS3]], the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's [[Adult Swim]]. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some."''

*Chris wants American Dad to have "[[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Haley]]" in more episodes.

*He does not care for all the [[pickle|dick]] jokes in ''The Cleveland Show''.

==Other mentions==
Chris recycles ''Family Guy'' jokes at every opportunity, usually so out-of-context that they make no sense.

*In [[CWC's Second Message]], he was angry that people were saying he was a [[pedofork]], like [[Wikipedia:Herbert (Family Guy)|Herbert]].
*Chris said "SHAZZAM!" when [[Vanessa AIM Chat 2|cybering with "Vanessa Hudgens"]], a joke borrowed from "[[Wikipedia:The Perfect Castaway|The Perfect Castaway]]" and "[[Wikipedia:Fifteen Minutes of Shame|Fifteen Minutes of Shame]]."
*Chris constantly described ''[[Asperchu]]'' as "blocky" and "low-resolution"<ref>[[Mailbag 41]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 43]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 45]]</ref>, which is taken from "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]."
*In [[Rollin' and Trollin']], Chris called [[Obama]] "a regular stand-up family guy."
*In [[Kacey Call 11]], Chris talks about how he hated finding out that Stewie is gay. He also claimed that ''Family Guy'' was temporarily cancelled in 2002 because everyone was "distracted" by [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]], even though it had already been temporarily cancelled in 2000 due to low ratings, and they hadn't been getting any better in 2001.
*Chris's [[A Public Announcement for Congress|Public Announcement for Congress]] segues into the theme tune of [[Wikipedia:The Facts of Life (TV series)|''The Facts of Life'']], a joke taken from "[[Wikipedia:Running Mates (Family Guy)|Running Mates]]."
*In [[Kacey Call 22]], Chris told her that he ignores it, or turns down the volume, when Stewie acts gay or when pro-homo scenes appear in ''Family Guy''.
*The story [[JenkinsJinkies]] told about his [[Trollin Train|gay experience]] at camp was allegedly inspired by Peter's parrot squawking "I had a gay experience at camp!" in "[[Wikipedia:Long John Peter|Long John Peter]]".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref><ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>
*In [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora]], Chris sings the fart song from "[[Wikipedia:The Man with Two Brians|The Man with Two Brians]]."
*Chris's knowledge of [[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormonism]] is mainly derived from "[[Wikipedia:The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz|The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz]]."<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>
*Chris has referred to his obesity as a "[[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha]] belly"; this is probably taken from "[[Wikipedia:To Love and Die in Dixie|To Love and Die in Dixie]]."
*Chris sang "[[Wikipedia:Never Gonna Give You Up|Never Gonna Give You Up]]" in [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]] - he doesn't seem to link it to [[Wikipedia:Rickrolling|Rickrolling]] and probably knew it from "[[Wikipedia:Meet the Quagmires|Meet the Quagmires]]".
*Chris imitated Peter (horribly) when talking to [[Clyde Cash]] in [[Mumble 4]]: ''"Hey listen, Peter Griffin, he's a family guy and he's [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] and yet look at his life!"''
* Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].<ref>[[Father Call]], [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], [[sports bra]]</ref>
*When [[100 2266|acting as the Grimace]], Chris said that Grimace is [[autistic]], which he took from a throwaway line in "[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears|Prick Up Your Ears]]."
*In [[Mailbag 25#This is perhaps the worst advice Chris has ever given|Mailbag 25]] Chris gives some awful relationship advice which seems to have been inspired by the Family Guy episdoe "[[Wikipedia:Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey|Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey]]".
*The video [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris reenacting a scene shown in the episode ''"Stew-Roids"'', where Chris Griffin is exposed doing the exact same routine.

==Other MacFarlane shows==
[[File:Seth.PNG|300px|right]]
===''American Dad!''===
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Unlike the two other MacFarlane shows (and countless others before them), main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]] actually manages not to be a fat loser, being in decent physical shape and coming across as reasonably intelligent, albeit with poor judgement which is further clouded by his hard-right political views. Not surprisingly, this is the MacFarlane show that Chris appears to pay the least attention to, though he does appear to be somewhat of a fan. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley." [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of Stan Smith. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of marijuana jokes or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

===''The Cleveland Show''===
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|one of his Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[Creepy stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, an episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100 2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to [[Jackie]]'s chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

Sadly, Chris's seal of approval did nothing to help the show's fortunes, and it was cancelled in May 2013. Chris does not appear to have commented on the show's demise, suggesting that even he had stopped caring by this point.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Family Guy

2014-07-21T18:31:09Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* The Cleveland Show */

[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

'''''[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Family Guy]]''''' is an animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|rips it off]] so much in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]], much like the show rips off everything else.

==Influence on Chris==
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least "borrowing") themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

The specific scene which Chris referenced depicted [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quoting [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being twofold; Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and, as pointed out by [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]], he is too infantile to properly contextualise Biblical scripture, a dig at ''precisely'' the sort of [[Chris and religion|brainless Bible-thumping]] Chris exhibits. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

===In ''Sonichu''===
The series is the "inspiration" for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]. Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his "skitch" in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, poorly drawn, boring shit on his own.

[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] featured the line "Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'" as an apparent example of dirty talk; in [[Wikipedia:Emission Impossible|Emission Impossible]]" "Insert rod support A into slot B," was an example of awful innuendo. Meanwhile, [[Bubbles Rosechu]] asks [[Blake]] what he wished for and he says "It's already come true"; this could be directly from [[Wikipedia:Sixteen Candles|''Sixteen Candles'']], but could also be from the [[parody]] of this scene in ''Family Guy''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s "[[Wikipedia:PTV (Family Guy)|PTV]]".

The "Spring Break" plotline also owes a lot to Meg and Lois's story in "[[Wikipedia:A Fish out of Water (Family Guy)|A Fish out of Water]]", including the bit where every channel is showing Spring Break, even the news channels.

The "[[homos|gay]] vaccine" storyline from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' 10]] was partially inspired by the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]", where Peter becomes gay after being injected with the gay gene.<ref>[[Kacey Call 16]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Chris copies the line "I'm the virgin Mary; that's my story and I'm sticking to it," from "[[Wikipedia:A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas|A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas]]."

==Chris and Meg==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]

{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his drawings.

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. It turns out that Meg is [[Silvana Rosechu]], an evil hermaphrodite furfag, in disguise. When accused of being a [[pedofork]] (Meg is 17), Chris retorted "SHE PUSHED HERSELF ONTO ME!"<ref>[[Mailbag 37]]</ref>

Chris also wrote about her in [[Mailbag 20]]:
{{quote|She has a fun and sweet personality; she is very pretty; she is smart; what is there NOT to like about her? Nothing from my point of view.}}
==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give Megan more respect, because she [[Chris and writing|IS VERY BEATIFUL]] in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
[[File:FamilyGuyChris.JPG|thumb|Chris's own sketch in a ''Family Guy''-style.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the {{CWCipedia link|Family Guy|plot he posted}} on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

Chris also described the plot in his [[9 December 2009]] C-Log; basically the same, except that it was an anime con.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos]]exuality, his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]] and issues with the plot that only someone with [[autism]] would notice. Also, the tower incident that Chris is referring to takes place in the ''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story''. However, Chris is wrong about it causing Stewie to be straight. This is because it is pretty obviously hinted in this movie that he is gay, as he is a virgin at 30, still shows very flamboyant tendencies and is very reluctant to have sex with a woman.

Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

*''"Megan does not deserve [[Kick the Autistic|the abuse]] she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!"''

*''"Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up [[Straight]]."''

*''"[[Wikipedia:Chris Griffin|Chris]] finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 6)|Season 6]], Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 7)|Season 7]]?"''

*''"While I can see [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brain]] looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?"''

*''"In "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to Multiverse]]", in the "[[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]]" Universe, Stewie asks [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Greene]] through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my [[PS3]], the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's [[Adult Swim]]. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some."''

*Chris wants American Dad to have "[[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Haley]]" in more episodes.

*He does not care for all the [[pickle|dick]] jokes in ''The Cleveland Show''.

==Other mentions==
Chris recycles ''Family Guy'' jokes at every opportunity, usually so out-of-context that they make no sense.

*In [[CWC's Second Message]], he was angry that people were saying he was a [[pedofork]], like [[Wikipedia:Herbert (Family Guy)|Herbert]].
*Chris said "SHAZZAM!" when [[Vanessa AIM Chat 2|cybering with "Vanessa Hudgens"]], a joke borrowed from "[[Wikipedia:The Perfect Castaway|The Perfect Castaway]]" and "[[Wikipedia:Fifteen Minutes of Shame|Fifteen Minutes of Shame]]."
*Chris constantly described ''[[Asperchu]]'' as "blocky" and "low-resolution"<ref>[[Mailbag 41]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 43]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 45]]</ref>, which is taken from "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]."
*In [[Rollin' and Trollin']], Chris called [[Obama]] "a regular stand-up family guy."
*In [[Kacey Call 11]], Chris talks about how he hated finding out that Stewie is gay. He also claimed that ''Family Guy'' was temporarily cancelled in 2002 because everyone was "distracted" by [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]], even though it had already been temporarily cancelled in 2000 due to low ratings, and they hadn't been getting any better in 2001.
*Chris's [[A Public Announcement for Congress|Public Announcement for Congress]] segues into the theme tune of [[Wikipedia:The Facts of Life (TV series)|''The Facts of Life'']], a joke taken from "[[Wikipedia:Running Mates (Family Guy)|Running Mates]]."
*In [[Kacey Call 22]], Chris told her that he ignores it, or turns down the volume, when Stewie acts gay or when pro-homo scenes appear in ''Family Guy''.
*The story [[JenkinsJinkies]] told about his [[Trollin Train|gay experience]] at camp was allegedly inspired by Peter's parrot squawking "I had a gay experience at camp!" in "[[Wikipedia:Long John Peter|Long John Peter]]".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref><ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>
*In [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora]], Chris sings the fart song from "[[Wikipedia:The Man with Two Brians|The Man with Two Brians]]."
*Chris's knowledge of [[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormonism]] is mainly derived from "[[Wikipedia:The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz|The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz]]."<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>
*Chris has referred to his obesity as a "[[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha]] belly"; this is probably taken from "[[Wikipedia:To Love and Die in Dixie|To Love and Die in Dixie]]."
*Chris sang "[[Wikipedia:Never Gonna Give You Up|Never Gonna Give You Up]]" in [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]] - he doesn't seem to link it to [[Wikipedia:Rickrolling|Rickrolling]] and probably knew it from "[[Wikipedia:Meet the Quagmires|Meet the Quagmires]]".
*Chris imitated Peter (horribly) when talking to [[Clyde Cash]] in [[Mumble 4]]: ''"Hey listen, Peter Griffin, he's a family guy and he's [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] and yet look at his life!"''
* Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].<ref>[[Father Call]], [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], [[sports bra]]</ref>
*When [[100 2266|acting as the Grimace]], Chris said that Grimace is [[autistic]], which he took from a throwaway line in "[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears|Prick Up Your Ears]]."
*In [[Mailbag 25#This is perhaps the worst advice Chris has ever given|Mailbag 25]] Chris gives some awful relationship advice which seems to have been inspired by the Family Guy episdoe "[[Wikipedia:Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey|Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey]]".
*The video [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris reenacting a scene shown in the episode ''"Stew-Roids"'', where Chris Griffin is exposed doing the exact same routine.

==Other MacFarlane shows==
[[File:Seth.PNG|300px|right]]
===''American Dad!''===
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Unlike the two other MacFarlane shows (and countless others before them), main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]] actually manages not to be a fat loser, being in decent physical shape and coming across as reasonably intelligent, albeit with poor judgement which is further clouded by his hard-right political views. Not surprisingly, this is the MacFarlane show that Chris appears to pay the least attention to, though he does appear to be somewhat of a fan. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley." [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of Stan Smith. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of marijuana jokes or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

===''The Cleveland Show''===
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|one of his Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[Creepy stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, an episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100 2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to [[Jackie]]'s chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

Sadly, Chris's seal of approval did nothing to help the show's fortunes, and it was cancelled in May 2013. Chris does not appear to have commented on the show's demise, suggesting that even he had stopped caring by this point.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''
==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Jason Kendrick Howell

2014-07-21T18:29:04Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

[[Image:Jason Kendrick Howell.jpg|thumb|Jason as he appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]]]]

'''Jason Kendrick Howell''' is the original creator <ref><s>[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/User:Howellgames]</s></ref> of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|"Chris-chan" ED page]]. [[Chris]] wanted to call the [[jerkop|jerkops]] on Howell for allegedly having sex with an [[BlueSpike|underage girl]], [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]]. (Spoiler: Howell never did have that underage sex.) Howell goes by [[Metal Gear Solid|"Liquid Snake"]] on [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]]'s /v/. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|According to Chris]], he is also "the Dork of Ages", a phrase [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen]] from ''[[American Dad!]]''<ref>"[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]"</ref>

==In real life==
[[File:Jasonhowell1.jpg|thumb|Jason wearing an eyepatch IRL.]]

After Chris discovered the [[ED]] page he had some e-mail correspondence with Jason, from which Chris got Jason's phone number.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008#August]]</ref> Chris later used the phone number to find the city which Jason lived in, as well as tracing down his [[MySpace]] page, where he found [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] by looking at Jason's friend list. Chris made the assumption that Kathleen was Jason's girlfriend and Jason has had sex with her, which, combined with Kathleen's status as a seventeen-year-old, led to his accusation of Jason having underage sex. Chris also took note of the background image on Jason's MySpace page, and based Jason's appearance in the comic upon that picture.

After Jason's inclusion in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]], Chris exchanged some more e-mails with him, but it soon came to a hold. About a year later Chris's [[Sonichu site]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash]]. Chris, assuming that Jason was behind the deed, responded by calling him and making the infamous "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]" threat.

Jason eventually joined forces with [[Vivian]], recording his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]]. He also provided commentary for the [[Official Videobooks]], though he didn't so much comment on the videobooks so much as just ramble about the history of Chris with 4chan and ED.

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason resembling [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] of the [[Metal Gear Solid|''Metal Gear'' series]].]]

Jason appears in ''[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'' in the episode, "Rage Against the Garbage", as the episode's primary antagonist. He appears to reside in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building on the 72nd floor (because 72 is 66+6. Get it? 666. Because he's evil [even though the actual [[Wikipedia:Number of the Beast|number of the Beast]] is 616]).

Jason wears a cloak most of the time, and also has an eyepatch, headband, and brown hair. The eyepatch, headband, and hair color sparked some curiosity and confusion amongst the [[trolls]], considering that it was almost a blatant reference to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear|Big Boss]] of the [[Metal Gear Solid|''Metal Gear'' series]]. Some were worried that Chris had actually played ''MGS'', and was now ripping it off. However, it was revealed later by Jason himself that he actually sent Chris a photograph of himself wearing an eyepatch. (Jason also tried to send Chris the first disc of ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence|Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence]]'', but due to Chris's mail paranoia at the time, it was returned to the sender.<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ A Jason Retrospective, Part 3]</s></ref>)

[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] confront Jason and [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] over the images featured on the website of Rosechu's TRUE and HONEST [[china|genitalia]]. After refusing to take down the website following Sonichu's shitty and meaningless speech, Sonichu attempts to fight Jason, only to have his furry ass kicked by Jason's "dark force" powers. Rosechu (as [[The Incredible Lioness]]) then face-rapes him nearly to death (a move stolen from [[Things Chris has ripped off#Kekko Kamen|Kekko Kamen]]), but the "dark forces" keep him alive.

Later on in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Jason is seen talking with [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Beel]] and [[Clyde Cash]] on the "66+6" floor. He calls them all Gaywads and flies off with [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] at his side to his two-storey house in the suburbs.

In a [[Book10Replacement|video]] released on 30 [[October 2010]], Chris presents a revised ending of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which he reveals that the couple broke up when Kathleen cheated on him with their secretary, and she later went to maximum security prison for smoking [[Tobacky|pot]], where she shares a cell with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Jason supposedly dies offscreen in a car crash.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Jasonhowell 08-09-12.PNG
</gallery>
==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKW4XLBYYfs Sonichu! The Audiobook! 4-Cent Garbage Jason Edition!] by [[Vivian Gee]]</s> Dead.
*A Jason Retrospective: Jason talks of his part in the trolling. <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)]</s>
*[http://www.encyclopediadramatica.es/Chris-chan/JKH_Interview An interview Jason gave on his relation with Chris] on [[ED]]
{{Sonichu}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Howell, Jason Kendrick}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Kathleen

2014-07-21T18:28:12Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* In Sonichu */

{{DeadLinks}}
'''Kathleen Nicole Wallace''' is the name of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s now ex-girlfriend, whom he dated for a while when he was twenty years old. Kathleen has never met or even interacted online with [[Chris]] before, but due to her association with one of his arch-enemies, Chris still managed to give enough of a shit about her to write letters to her and include her as a villain in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].

== Background and discovery ==
Upon finding out that Jason was the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Chris soon convinced himself that he was also the mastermind behind all his recent troubles on the [[Internet]] and the head of all [[trolls]]. Becoming obsessed with his new enemy, Chris began an exhaustive investigation in an attempt to find some kind of dirt to use against Jason, a tactic he would later also try with [[Clyde Cash]], resulting in the [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|infamous]] [[ClydeGoingOnGregg1|blackmail]] [[To Clyde Gregg|videos]].

This eventually lead to Chris discovering Kathleen, and he concluded that when Jason was 20 years old, she was his girlfriend whilst she was still only 17 years old. Chris began announcing this wherever he could,<ref>[[Blanca_E-mails#Chris_describes_Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|Blanca E-mails]], 31 [[August 2008]] 12:56 AM</ref> essentially accusing Howell of committing statutory [[rape]]. Chris's charge, of course, assumes that Jason and Kathleen had sexual intercourse during this period, and assumes that they both lived in a state where the age of consent is 18, since in [[America]] the age laws differ greatly between states. Of course, Chris is barely even aware that there actually ''exists'' a world outside [[Virginia]], having only ever even left the state once or twice in his life, so it is unlikely he knows about this.

And of course, there's the matter that if, indeed, they were having sex and Kathleen was legally underage, the difference is small enough that most people would find no problem with it. But given Chris's [[naive|narrow minded]] nature and [[Autism|rigid and literal interpretation]] of the world around him, he was far more concerned with whether or not it was a legal issue, rather than how socially acceptable it was. His attitude towards their relationship also seems to [[Chris and Hypocrisy|contradict]] his other opinions on "[[Women's rights]]."

== Almost involvement ==
Eventually, Chris's infamous [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|counterattack]] on ED backfired on him spectacularly and caused [[Megan Schroeder]] to cut off all contact with him over [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|an image]] Chris drew of her which he uploaded to the site. Nonetheless, Chris's inability to admit fault led to him deluding himself into believing that it was the trolls who broke up the closest thing to a relationship he ever had, and he decided to take his revenge on Jason by sabotaging his relationship with Kathleen, just as he believed Jason had done to him and Megan. This never actually came to fruition, because Kathleen and Jason had already been apart for quite a while by the time Chris began conspiring to break them up.<ref name="youtube"><s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY&feature=relmfu</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> That didn't stop him from trying however, and he sent Kathleen a long email to inform her of his grudge against Jason, despite having never met her, talked to her, and her probably not even knowing of his existence.

The email is as follows:

{{quotebox|Hello, Kat, I am Christian Chandler

[[Chris and his Ego|You may or may not know me]] (depending on how often you're on the internet, and if you've found me by reference or search), but I have something to tell you about your "cuddle-butt", Jason. He has been playing a Major Cog in the Slander Factory known as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and among all the innocent victims that the website has vandalized beyond the worst embarrassment known to mankind within their grasp, your [[Troll|bully]] of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the [[lulz|"LULZ"]], "Laughs Under Lucricities". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE.

Against me, that page has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]], who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found [[Rule 34|that page]] and she broke up with me. [[Heart level|It broke my heart]].

Also, the chaos from the page broke up the buddy friendship between me and my buddy, [[Joshua Martinez]], who attended [[James Madison University|Special Ed]] classes with me during our childhood.

And after the first time I found that page myself, I went into a spiral of [[Virgin with rage|rage]] against that machine, that with the break-ups and chaos, I became depressed and went into a forced-by-personal-emotions hiatus.

There are numerous other chaotic happenings that raged from the ED page, but I can't remember them all.

Anyway, the point is, if it wasn't for your "Bully Next Door", I would not have to have had to endure the [[stress]], [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|emotional pains]], [[Blanca|break-ups]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|self-torments]], etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!!!

Who knows what he may have in mind against you in relation. While he may have started with me, or possibly any one or more of the victims on Encyclopedia Dramatica, who knows when he will do something similarly [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|evil or worse]] against you.

Oh, BTW, in other states, it IS [[Chris and the Law|illegal]] for his 20-year old self to be Dating 17-year old you.

My apologies for informing you and possibly causing emotional stress and rage, but I felt it was my duty to inform you before it was too late.

Peae,

Christian Weston Chandler."}}

In essence, what Chris has done here is email a random woman who doesn't know who he even is and tell her that her boyfriend is an asshole, seemingly blames her for what he has supposedly done, says that her relationship with him was illegal, and speculates that he may physically or emotionally abuse her in the future. Most women would probably react less than kindly to a message like this even if talking about an ex, if not to defend their ex's character then most certainly because of Chris's condescending tone, but according to Jason himself, Kathleen never really did read or respond to this email, and so continued to remain unaware of this random internet retard who for some reason knew all about her.<ref name="youtube"/>

== In ''Sonichu'' ==
[[File:KNW.PNG|thumb|250px|Still better than being [[Allison Amber]].]]
As part of his continued smear campaign against Jason, Chris included both him and Kathleen in the Sonichu comics, beginning with a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and later getting a proper introduction in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Like all of the characters Chris bases off real-life people and events, his embellishments say more about himself than the target of his "satire". For example, he refuses to believe that a minor would willingly engage in an "illegal" relationship with a "bully", so Chris depicts her as a slave, apparently forced to endure Jason's odious presence. Kathleen was initially dubbed "Jason's Woman Slave", and drawn with a strange BDSM costume sometimes seen crying tears of blood.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_37</ref> She never actually said or did anything in either issues, both times just standing by and watching the fights between Jason, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] with general disinterest.

Rightfully so as well, because despite Jason outright confessing that she was his sex slave, neither of the heroes make any attempt to save her, only concerned with [[Chris and his Ego|their own personal vendetta]] against Jason. In fact, even when Jason is actually defeated at the end, they still leave her chained up with him, as if forgetting she was ever there at all. Rosechu even later went on to strip for [[women's rights]], but not inspired by Kathleen's plight or anything. She never even comes up. The entire demonstration is all about how Rosechu was falsely portrayed as a hermaphrodite, because apparently that is worse than slavery.

Later, advised by [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris made some [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|edits]] to his comics and retconned all instances of real life people included in the comics being called by their real names. Chris never actually changed their names like he did with [[Mary Lee Walsh|other characters]], but he did vow to only ever refer to them by first names from thereon.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/</ref> During the changes, Chris also retconned away the unfortunate subtext about sexual slavery, changing Kathleen's title to imply her being a willing accomplice to Jason rather than a slave, although the bondage gear remained intact. This makes Rosechu seem like less of a bitch, but it also unintentionally retcons an innocent woman into a villain, despite her never having done anything to Chris IRL, or even knowing who he is.

This may have been unintentional however. Even after her being changed to an accomplice rather than a slave, Kathleen still never did anything villainous. She remained by Jason's side, saying and doing nothing as always in her next appearance, as Jason takes the both of them away from the action in an escape pod when Chris attempts to destroy [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building with them still inside during [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Before leaving the other trolls to all die, Jason announces his retirement from trolling, his apparent conversion to Christianity, and his intentions to go out and marry Kathleen and live a quiet life in the suburbs with her.

It could be interpreted from this that Kathleen may not have been a criminal accomplice, but instead a kind of companion for Jason in the retconned comics, so maybe Chris never really did intend to retcon her into a villain. After all, the real life Kathleen never did anything bad to Chris at all, and in fact shared no interactions with him whatsoever. Why would Chris need to demonize her too? For these reasons, it seems Chris decided to let go of his need for revenge on Jason for once, and actually give one of his villains a happy ending, letting him retire in peace and letting Kathleen have a normal life with him.

Then Chris was forced by [[Jackie]] to rewrite the ending to ''Sonichu'' #10 to make it less needlessly violent concerning the [[Asperpedia]] Four and give them a happy ending, so when Chris made the [[Book10Replacement]] in which the four survive their unfair trial and are sentenced to living life in the [[Wikipedia:Amish|Amish]] community instead, Chris had to find a way to fit in that little extra bit of pointless cruelty, so the retcons also show [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in prison following her defeat by [[Collosal Chan]], and she is then joined by Kathleen, who is revealed to be her new cellmate. We learn from her that she had been cheating on Jason with a 4-cent secretary for a while, and after the two fled from the collapsing building, Jason found out and they had a fight, leading to them breaking up, Jason dying by crashing into a mountain somehow, and Kathleen going home to get high on marijuana. She was subsequently caught by the police and for some reason placed in the same cell as a dangerous terrorist. She also reveals that she had tried to smuggle weed into the prison by stuffing it between her breasts and [[Medallions|up her asshole]], but that the police had still somehow found it.

Why Chris ever felt the need to add this part is unclear. As has been said numerous times in this article, Kathleen wasn't even someone who had made an enemy of Chris in real life like the [[Jerkops]] or Mary did. Kathleen was never even aware of Chris. Yet somehow Chris saw fit to depict her as a sex slave, a depraved druggie, and an adulteress, and ends the series by putting her in prison. Your guess is as good as ours here.

== Kathleen's reaction ==
So what was Kathleen's reaction to all this you may ask? Quite simply: Nothing. As far as can be told, she has to this day still not ever read the Sonichu comics or Chris's email, and remains completely unaware of the entire Chris-Chan phenomenon. When Jason joined [[Vivian]] by providing his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]], he also made several episodes of commentary over the [[Official Videobooks]] that Chris made, where he confirmed that he and Kathleen had already broken up by the time Chris started including them in the comics, and Jason had never bothered to tell her about anything Chris had done involving her.<ref name="youtube"/>

All that can be said, is that if you one day [http://www.google.co.uk/#sclient=psy&hl=en&safe=off&biw=1440&bih=785&source=hp&q=Kathleen+Nicole+Wallace&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=bb02b3c38c9f631 googled yourself] and discovered that some fat autistic manchild who you've never met or even heard of before had written a story about you being a sex slave to your ex, hiding marijuana up your ass and being thrown into prison with an old lady who's wearing a horned helmet, imagine what your reaction would be. It's a safe bet that Kathleen's wouldn't be much better.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]
*[[Pedofork]]
*[[Facebook messages|Chris's Facebook messages]], which show Chris [[Chris and hypocrisy|pursuing a 17 year old girl himself]]

{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wallace, Kathleen Nicole}}
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Jason Kendrick Howell

2014-07-21T18:26:53Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

[[Image:Jason Kendrick Howell.jpg|thumb|Jason as he appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]]]]

'''Jason Kendrick Howell''' is the original creator <ref><s>[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/User:Howellgames]</s></ref> of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|"Chris-chan" ED page]]. [[Chris]] wanted to call the [[jerkops]] on Howell for allegedly having sex with an [[BlueSpike|underage girl]], [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]]. (Spoiler: Howell never did have that underage sex.) Howell goes by [[Metal Gear Solid|"Liquid Snake"]] on [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]]'s /v/. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|According to Chris]], he is also "the Dork of Ages", a phrase [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen]] from ''[[American Dad!]]''<ref>"[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]"</ref>

==In real life==
[[File:Jasonhowell1.jpg|thumb|Jason wearing an eyepatch IRL.]]

After Chris discovered the [[ED]] page he had some e-mail correspondence with Jason, from which Chris got Jason's phone number.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008#August]]</ref> Chris later used the phone number to find the city which Jason lived in, as well as tracing down his [[MySpace]] page, where he found [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] by looking at Jason's friend list. Chris made the assumption that Kathleen was Jason's girlfriend and Jason has had sex with her, which, combined with Kathleen's status as a seventeen-year-old, led to his accusation of Jason having underage sex. Chris also took note of the background image on Jason's MySpace page, and based Jason's appearance in the comic upon that picture.

After Jason's inclusion in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]], Chris exchanged some more e-mails with him, but it soon came to a hold. About a year later Chris's [[Sonichu site]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash]]. Chris, assuming that Jason was behind the deed, responded by calling him and making the infamous "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]" threat.

Jason eventually joined forces with [[Vivian]], recording his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]]. He also provided commentary for the [[Official Videobooks]], though he didn't so much comment on the videobooks so much as just ramble about the history of Chris with 4chan and ED.

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason resembling [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] of the [[Metal Gear Solid|''Metal Gear'' series]].]]

Jason appears in ''[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'' in the episode, "Rage Against the Garbage", as the episode's primary antagonist. He appears to reside in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building on the 72nd floor (because 72 is 66+6. Get it? 666. Because he's evil [even though the actual [[Wikipedia:Number of the Beast|number of the Beast]] is 616]).

Jason wears a cloak most of the time, and also has an eyepatch, headband, and brown hair. The eyepatch, headband, and hair color sparked some curiosity and confusion amongst the [[trolls]], considering that it was almost a blatant reference to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear|Big Boss]] of the [[Metal Gear Solid|''Metal Gear'' series]]. Some were worried that Chris had actually played ''MGS'', and was now ripping it off. However, it was revealed later by Jason himself that he actually sent Chris a photograph of himself wearing an eyepatch. (Jason also tried to send Chris the first disc of ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence|Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence]]'', but due to Chris's mail paranoia at the time, it was returned to the sender.<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ A Jason Retrospective, Part 3]</s></ref>)

[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] confront Jason and [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] over the images featured on the website of Rosechu's TRUE and HONEST [[china|genitalia]]. After refusing to take down the website following Sonichu's shitty and meaningless speech, Sonichu attempts to fight Jason, only to have his furry ass kicked by Jason's "dark force" powers. Rosechu (as [[The Incredible Lioness]]) then face-rapes him nearly to death (a move stolen from [[Things Chris has ripped off#Kekko Kamen|Kekko Kamen]]), but the "dark forces" keep him alive.

Later on in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Jason is seen talking with [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Beel]] and [[Clyde Cash]] on the "66+6" floor. He calls them all Gaywads and flies off with [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] at his side to his two-storey house in the suburbs.

In a [[Book10Replacement|video]] released on 30 [[October 2010]], Chris presents a revised ending of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which he reveals that the couple broke up when Kathleen cheated on him with their secretary, and she later went to maximum security prison for smoking [[Tobacky|pot]], where she shares a cell with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Jason supposedly dies offscreen in a car crash.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Jasonhowell 08-09-12.PNG
</gallery>
==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKW4XLBYYfs Sonichu! The Audiobook! 4-Cent Garbage Jason Edition!] by [[Vivian Gee]]</s> Dead.
*A Jason Retrospective: Jason talks of his part in the trolling. <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)]</s>
*[http://www.encyclopediadramatica.es/Chris-chan/JKH_Interview An interview Jason gave on his relation with Chris] on [[ED]]
{{Sonichu}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Howell, Jason Kendrick}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Chris and censorship

2014-07-21T18:24:47Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Self-censorship */

[[Image:CWCstalin1.png|thumb|General Secretary of the True and Honest Sonichism Party, Christian Weston Chandler, seeks out and eliminates all reactionary [[Liquid Chris|Liquidist]]-[[Clyde Cash|Cashist]]-[[BlueSpike|Spikist]] tendencies.]]

As a result of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|ego]], [[Chris]] is very insecure about others' opinions regarding him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his work]]. This has led to him '''censoring''' out various comments and remarks from [[trolls]] and innocent bystanders alike.

==Origins==
In the [[Mailbag]], Chris's desire for censorship stems from his belief that since it is the "Letters to the Editor" section of his website, he should have complete editorial control over it. Chris believes that such behavior is commonplace, as he accused [[Alec Benson Leary]] of doing the same thing in his Mailbags. He is unaware that it makes him look like an insecure tyrant.

==Manifestations==
{{Incomplete}}

===In the comics===

Chris has been censoring events since [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Before his encounters with the [[troll]]s the majority of censorship in the comic has been indirect, recreating heavily distorted versions of real events in an attempt to make him look more sympathetic and heroic. It's not until the trolls began to pester him that other forms of censorship begin to emerge and eventually take over the comic.

Chris has a consistent standard as to what he censors: swear words and what people tell him to censor. While early ''Sonichu'' comics have [[CWC-isms|extremely bizarre and strange minced oaths,]] more recent issues have added actual swearing, which has been clumsily censored out. This goes for anything from "fuck," which is understandable, to extremely mild almost-swears like
"[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|crap]]" which TV-Y7 shows can get away with anyway (indeed, censoring the word makes it look [[Wikipedia:cunt|far, far worse]]). Chris obviously has no problem with [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|even the worst swearing,]] so we can assume he's doing it for the sake of the children reading the comic. Which is really strange, because he could just as easily have used harmless expletives like "Darn", and he has never voluntarily removed other objectionable content from his comic, such as:

* '''Graphic sex,''' removed only after extensive complaining from traumatized [[Trolls|fans]]. Note that graphic sex was preceded by an anatomy lesson which had uncensored swear words used to name sexual parts.
* '''Extremely revealing and embarrassing personal events''' via [[Sub-Episodes]], which ceased (but were not removed) only after [[Barb|his mother]] told him to stop.
* '''Thinly-veiled bids for sex from real-life [[gal pal]]s''' via [[Sailor Megtune|comic]] [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|proxies]]. One [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|particularly creepy incident]] was edited only after [[Megan Schroeder|the lady in question]] demanded him to take them out. [[Chris and remorse|He put the scene back in]] after he destroyed their friendship via [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|SheCameForCWC.jpg]].
* '''Real people as unflattering characters''' all throughout the comic assembled in bewildering arrangement, including [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|a monolithic anti-CWC conspiracy.]] Chris has only begrudgingly changed the names of real people at the insistence of a troll posing as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and as a form of half-assed pseudo-apology to [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Presumably, if he were left to his own devices, Chris would have no problem exposing his hypothetical 7-year-old-and-up audience to "sexy" anatomy lessons.

Notably, the comic contains and has not yet censored:

* '''Extremely graphic mutilation and murder of real people,''' namely the [[Asperpedia]] staff. This has not been censored yet, even after the people he proxy-murdered complained.
* '''Profoundly [[Chris and race|racist]] and [[homos|homophobic]] rants''', some of which are integral plot elements.
* '''PG-13-level sexual imagery and pseudo-innuendo,''' which remains even after the graphic sex was taken out.
* '''Unpleasantly frank discussions of sex in general,''' even if it now takes place off-screen.

You know, nothing that would be out of place on an episode of ''[[Power Rangers]]'' or ''[[Pokémon]]''.

When called on this, Chris blamed the [[Wikipedia:Federal Communications Commission|Federal Communications Commission]] for not stopping him from doing so. However, the FCC does not have authority over the Internet or print publications. Even if they did, they do not pre-emptively censor everything that is said on TV or radio, so they cannot ''stop'' anyone from saying anything; they will only fine you afterwards if someone files a complaint. With or without FCC's influence, the system is built on self-control, which Chris has problems with.

===On his website===

The censorship for Chris's [[CWCipedia|website]] is even more thorough and entrenched than in the comic. Like in the comic, he censors any swear word, regardless of how mild it is, while leaving every other horrible thought that comes out of his head unedited. The only things Chris likes to edit are other people's words.

Perhaps the most disturbing censorship comes with the [[mailbag]]. It didn't take long for Chris to start gutting the mailbag, first simply depositing questions he didn't want to answer in the "rejected" mailbag, then planting rejected letters into the "to be answered later" mailbag when called out on rejecting letters, then straight-up erasing letters from the page in hopes nobody would figure out they existed. The most insidious edits (as far as Chris can achieve insidiousness) are his editing of questions and letters, in varying degrees of severity. Usually, this is to bring letters in line with his self-serving moral standards, to remove opinions he disagrees with, to turn criticism of his comic into fawning, to turn approval of ''[[Asperchu]]'' into approval of ''Sonichu'', or just to try and make his latest stupid point as hard as he can.

Interestingly, he is quite fond of striking out and replacing parts of letters with bold text, like a child scribbling over something he doesn't like. It's unknown whether he expects people to ignore the stricken parts of the letter, to agree with his [[Chris and ego|righteous fury,]] or if it's just for tantrum-like emphasis. He does the same thing when [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|editing his ED page,]] so perhaps he just assumes we're all on his side.

Chris has an unpleasant tendency to refer to himself as the captain of the CWCipedia, and the trolls as assorted foes trying to bring him down. His actual level of control is of course negligible, so regardless of how disturbingly tyrannical his actions seem, he is so completely incompetent we should be glad he's not any smarter or in anything even vaguely resembling a position of power.

===''Flipnote Hatena''===

As of early [[June 2010]] Chris began playing with the DSi game ''Flipnote Studios'', and posted them on the website [[Flipnote Hatena]]. His works consisted primarily of the standard Chris-chan fare: unfunny attempts at [[random-access humor|humor]], ripping off other people's works, rambling comment posts, and of course the ubiquitous plastering of Sonichu's face wherever possible. One "work" of note that Chris posted on his account would cause him to run afoul of the Flipnote Hatena administrators. This was [[RomanticLabyrinth]]. Essentially a retelling of one of Chris's sex dreams, it violated some of the core rules of Flipnote Hatena in that it was ''sexual'' in nature. Chris, never being one to read or care about rules, was of course outraged when he discovered the animation had been removed by admins. He promptly reposted a hastily censored version of his work. When this too was removed, Chris again posted the censored version, only this time with a ranting call for admins to leave his work be and instead divert their attention to the trolls that were supposedly harassing him on his comment page. This third upload was soon banned. He would go on to upload this Flipnote three more times, the fourth time leading to his first ban.

==Self-censorship==

{{Quote|Q: What is your favorite curse word? 
A: F***.|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Chris's favorite curse word is an "F" followed by 3 asterisks|Mailbag 21]]}}

When it comes to Chris censoring ''himself'', it's a difficult thing to actually pin down. It ''can'' be said that Chris has learned to put a filter on himself. This is often seen on his website, where he types any swear words he wants to use as the first letter of the word and a series of asterisks (example: f***, a**, etc.). He knows he has to stay "Family Friendly", but he's too angry to go with inoffensive cusses like "Oh, nuts", so he uses implied swearing as a sort of [[slow-in-the-minds|extremely stupid]] middle ground. This has resulted in some very unusual quotes, such as...

{{Quote|but NOOOOO, the Trolls HAD to stick their n***** noses into my affair.|Chris, [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|self-censoring a ''racial slur'']].}}

During Chris's early net days, nothing was too candid for Chris to mention: his [[attraction sign]]s, telling people that he was a [[virgin with rage]] and he was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|build into a]] [[sweetheart]]. All of it was fair game. However, the trolling attacks on him have started to teach him that not everything can and should be said.

Of course, with Chris, trying to get him to stop mentioning things is akin to smacking a dog with a newspaper when it does something bad - you have to keep doing it ''over and over'' just to get him to learn. Case in point: [[The Wallflower]]. When the [[CWCki]] exposed The Wallflower to the world, she approached the site to get the page removed after learning what it contained. However, Chris not only took it as a victory for himself, he would ''still'' drop ''both'' of her names even a month afterward. Even worse, when Chris snatched the article for the Wallflower from the CWCki and placed it on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris removed the part that described how the CWCki was respectful to the Wallflower's privacy.

==Chris's views on censorship==

{{Incomplete}}

Chris's views on censorship are skewed at best and hypocritical at worst. His comic is easily the best example of Chris's odd views. Panty-shots, [[Sonichu 8|sex]] [[Giant Penis Comic|scenes]], "stripping for [[women's rights]]" - all of this stands in sharp contrast to Chris's unwillingness to push the extra mile on violence (especially when it comes to [[Simonla Rosechu|killing characters]]) and the rampant "bleeping" of swear words. In fact, Chris's hypocritical actions mimic that of another famed troll-target, David Gonterman, whose misogynistic, homophobic and racist comments and actions clashed with his attempts to paint a family friendly world. For someone who wants to have his comics published across the world, he's doing a poor job convincing people that he has material that's publishable - on top of the rest of the [[Chris and art|evidence]] against him .

The evidence suggests that Chris only censors what he doesn't like. He doesn't like character death or explicit violence, unless it's directed at the trolls who've angered him the most, or if he's being "True and Honest" about some past pretend-girlfriend suddenly "dying". He doesn't like swearing, unless he's dropping F- and N-bombs on his enemies. He really likes female nudity and can't stand (for one reason or the other) male nudity that isn't his perfect and immaculate body on display—and so on.

In Chris's eyes, he thinks this is being "True and Honest," just like everything else. However, because of his [[autism]], he just has no filter for these sort of thing, and because he's such an unmotivated slug, he's never bothered to learn what's appropriate and what isn't. Thus, he sees no problem uploading videos in which [[CWCFlyingElephants|he ran around naked]], [[Death threats|threatened violence towards others]], or [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|generally behaved like an ignorant jackass]]. Likewise, he only edited out the sex and nudity of Sonichu when Pretend Miyamoto made him, and continues to upload his sexual Flipnotes in blatant defiance of the mods.

Chris himself hasn't spoken out much on censorship beyond a disdain for the censorship of female nudity and complaints about the violence and swearing in Asperchu. If he ever did release his thoughts on the issue of censorship, one might reasonably assume he'd reiterate annoyance at [[Pedofork|"those dumb laws"]] while demanding men wear bras, homos kindly die, and that more violent games include "no blood or gore" options a la Brutal Legend. The reasoning behind this should be obvious—because that's what ''he'' wants.

== See also ==
*[[Chris in the media]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Honest Content]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and censorship

2014-07-21T18:24:16Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Self-censorship */

[[Image:CWCstalin1.png|thumb|General Secretary of the True and Honest Sonichism Party, Christian Weston Chandler, seeks out and eliminates all reactionary [[Liquid Chris|Liquidist]]-[[Clyde Cash|Cashist]]-[[BlueSpike|Spikist]] tendencies.]]

As a result of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|ego]], [[Chris]] is very insecure about others' opinions regarding him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his work]]. This has led to him '''censoring''' out various comments and remarks from [[trolls]] and innocent bystanders alike.

==Origins==
In the [[Mailbag]], Chris's desire for censorship stems from his belief that since it is the "Letters to the Editor" section of his website, he should have complete editorial control over it. Chris believes that such behavior is commonplace, as he accused [[Alec Benson Leary]] of doing the same thing in his Mailbags. He is unaware that it makes him look like an insecure tyrant.

==Manifestations==
{{Incomplete}}

===In the comics===

Chris has been censoring events since [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Before his encounters with the [[troll]]s the majority of censorship in the comic has been indirect, recreating heavily distorted versions of real events in an attempt to make him look more sympathetic and heroic. It's not until the trolls began to pester him that other forms of censorship begin to emerge and eventually take over the comic.

Chris has a consistent standard as to what he censors: swear words and what people tell him to censor. While early ''Sonichu'' comics have [[CWC-isms|extremely bizarre and strange minced oaths,]] more recent issues have added actual swearing, which has been clumsily censored out. This goes for anything from "fuck," which is understandable, to extremely mild almost-swears like
"[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|crap]]" which TV-Y7 shows can get away with anyway (indeed, censoring the word makes it look [[Wikipedia:cunt|far, far worse]]). Chris obviously has no problem with [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|even the worst swearing,]] so we can assume he's doing it for the sake of the children reading the comic. Which is really strange, because he could just as easily have used harmless expletives like "Darn", and he has never voluntarily removed other objectionable content from his comic, such as:

* '''Graphic sex,''' removed only after extensive complaining from traumatized [[Trolls|fans]]. Note that graphic sex was preceded by an anatomy lesson which had uncensored swear words used to name sexual parts.
* '''Extremely revealing and embarrassing personal events''' via [[Sub-Episodes]], which ceased (but were not removed) only after [[Barb|his mother]] told him to stop.
* '''Thinly-veiled bids for sex from real-life [[gal pal]]s''' via [[Sailor Megtune|comic]] [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|proxies]]. One [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|particularly creepy incident]] was edited only after [[Megan Schroeder|the lady in question]] demanded him to take them out. [[Chris and remorse|He put the scene back in]] after he destroyed their friendship via [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|SheCameForCWC.jpg]].
* '''Real people as unflattering characters''' all throughout the comic assembled in bewildering arrangement, including [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|a monolithic anti-CWC conspiracy.]] Chris has only begrudgingly changed the names of real people at the insistence of a troll posing as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and as a form of half-assed pseudo-apology to [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Presumably, if he were left to his own devices, Chris would have no problem exposing his hypothetical 7-year-old-and-up audience to "sexy" anatomy lessons.

Notably, the comic contains and has not yet censored:

* '''Extremely graphic mutilation and murder of real people,''' namely the [[Asperpedia]] staff. This has not been censored yet, even after the people he proxy-murdered complained.
* '''Profoundly [[Chris and race|racist]] and [[homos|homophobic]] rants''', some of which are integral plot elements.
* '''PG-13-level sexual imagery and pseudo-innuendo,''' which remains even after the graphic sex was taken out.
* '''Unpleasantly frank discussions of sex in general,''' even if it now takes place off-screen.

You know, nothing that would be out of place on an episode of ''[[Power Rangers]]'' or ''[[Pokémon]]''.

When called on this, Chris blamed the [[Wikipedia:Federal Communications Commission|Federal Communications Commission]] for not stopping him from doing so. However, the FCC does not have authority over the Internet or print publications. Even if they did, they do not pre-emptively censor everything that is said on TV or radio, so they cannot ''stop'' anyone from saying anything; they will only fine you afterwards if someone files a complaint. With or without FCC's influence, the system is built on self-control, which Chris has problems with.

===On his website===

The censorship for Chris's [[CWCipedia|website]] is even more thorough and entrenched than in the comic. Like in the comic, he censors any swear word, regardless of how mild it is, while leaving every other horrible thought that comes out of his head unedited. The only things Chris likes to edit are other people's words.

Perhaps the most disturbing censorship comes with the [[mailbag]]. It didn't take long for Chris to start gutting the mailbag, first simply depositing questions he didn't want to answer in the "rejected" mailbag, then planting rejected letters into the "to be answered later" mailbag when called out on rejecting letters, then straight-up erasing letters from the page in hopes nobody would figure out they existed. The most insidious edits (as far as Chris can achieve insidiousness) are his editing of questions and letters, in varying degrees of severity. Usually, this is to bring letters in line with his self-serving moral standards, to remove opinions he disagrees with, to turn criticism of his comic into fawning, to turn approval of ''[[Asperchu]]'' into approval of ''Sonichu'', or just to try and make his latest stupid point as hard as he can.

Interestingly, he is quite fond of striking out and replacing parts of letters with bold text, like a child scribbling over something he doesn't like. It's unknown whether he expects people to ignore the stricken parts of the letter, to agree with his [[Chris and ego|righteous fury,]] or if it's just for tantrum-like emphasis. He does the same thing when [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|editing his ED page,]] so perhaps he just assumes we're all on his side.

Chris has an unpleasant tendency to refer to himself as the captain of the CWCipedia, and the trolls as assorted foes trying to bring him down. His actual level of control is of course negligible, so regardless of how disturbingly tyrannical his actions seem, he is so completely incompetent we should be glad he's not any smarter or in anything even vaguely resembling a position of power.

===''Flipnote Hatena''===

As of early [[June 2010]] Chris began playing with the DSi game ''Flipnote Studios'', and posted them on the website [[Flipnote Hatena]]. His works consisted primarily of the standard Chris-chan fare: unfunny attempts at [[random-access humor|humor]], ripping off other people's works, rambling comment posts, and of course the ubiquitous plastering of Sonichu's face wherever possible. One "work" of note that Chris posted on his account would cause him to run afoul of the Flipnote Hatena administrators. This was [[RomanticLabyrinth]]. Essentially a retelling of one of Chris's sex dreams, it violated some of the core rules of Flipnote Hatena in that it was ''sexual'' in nature. Chris, never being one to read or care about rules, was of course outraged when he discovered the animation had been removed by admins. He promptly reposted a hastily censored version of his work. When this too was removed, Chris again posted the censored version, only this time with a ranting call for admins to leave his work be and instead divert their attention to the trolls that were supposedly harassing him on his comment page. This third upload was soon banned. He would go on to upload this Flipnote three more times, the fourth time leading to his first ban.

==Self-censorship==

{{Quote|Q: What is your favorite curse word? 
A: F***.|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Chris's favorite curse word is an "F" followed by 3 asterisks|Mailbag 21]]}}

When it comes to Chris censoring ''himself'', it's a difficult thing to actually pin down. It ''can'' be said that Chris has learned to put a filter on himself. This is often seen on his website, where he types any swear words he wants to use as the first letter of the word and a series of asterisks (example: f***, a**, etc.). He knows he has to stay "Family Friendly", but he's too angry to go with inoffensive cusses like "Oh, nuts", so he uses implied swearing as a sort of [[slow-in-the-minds|extremely stupid]] middle ground. This has resulted in some very unusual quotes, such as...

{{Quote|but NOOOOO, the Trolls HAD to stick their n***** noses into my affair.|Chris, [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|self-censoring a ''racial slur'']].}}

During Chris's early net days, nothing was too candid for Chris to mention: his [[attraction sign]]s, telling people that he was a [[virgin with rage]] and he was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to [[Sweetheart from the ground-up|build into a]] [[sweetheart]]. All of it was fair game. However, the trolling attacks on him have started to teach him that not everything can and should be said.

Of course, with Chris, trying to get him to stop mentioning things is akin to smacking a dog with a newspaper when it does something bad - you have to keep doing it ''over and over'' just to get him to learn. Case in point: [[The Wallflower]]. When the [[CWCki]] exposed The Wallflower to the world, she approached the site to get the page removed after learning what it contained. However, Chris not only took it as a victory for himself, he would ''still'' drop ''both'' of her names even a month afterward. Even worse, when Chris snatched the article for the Wallflower from the CWCki and placed it on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris removed the part that described how the CWCki was respectful to the Wallflower's privacy.

==Chris's views on censorship==

{{Incomplete}}

Chris's views on censorship are skewed at best and hypocritical at worst. His comic is easily the best example of Chris's odd views. Panty-shots, [[Sonichu 8|sex]] [[Giant Penis Comic|scenes]], "stripping for [[women's rights]]" - all of this stands in sharp contrast to Chris's unwillingness to push the extra mile on violence (especially when it comes to [[Simonla Rosechu|killing characters]]) and the rampant "bleeping" of swear words. In fact, Chris's hypocritical actions mimic that of another famed troll-target, David Gonterman, whose misogynistic, homophobic and racist comments and actions clashed with his attempts to paint a family friendly world. For someone who wants to have his comics published across the world, he's doing a poor job convincing people that he has material that's publishable - on top of the rest of the [[Chris and art|evidence]] against him .

The evidence suggests that Chris only censors what he doesn't like. He doesn't like character death or explicit violence, unless it's directed at the trolls who've angered him the most, or if he's being "True and Honest" about some past pretend-girlfriend suddenly "dying". He doesn't like swearing, unless he's dropping F- and N-bombs on his enemies. He really likes female nudity and can't stand (for one reason or the other) male nudity that isn't his perfect and immaculate body on display—and so on.

In Chris's eyes, he thinks this is being "True and Honest," just like everything else. However, because of his [[autism]], he just has no filter for these sort of thing, and because he's such an unmotivated slug, he's never bothered to learn what's appropriate and what isn't. Thus, he sees no problem uploading videos in which [[CWCFlyingElephants|he ran around naked]], [[Death threats|threatened violence towards others]], or [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|generally behaved like an ignorant jackass]]. Likewise, he only edited out the sex and nudity of Sonichu when Pretend Miyamoto made him, and continues to upload his sexual Flipnotes in blatant defiance of the mods.

Chris himself hasn't spoken out much on censorship beyond a disdain for the censorship of female nudity and complaints about the violence and swearing in Asperchu. If he ever did release his thoughts on the issue of censorship, one might reasonably assume he'd reiterate annoyance at [[Pedofork|"those dumb laws"]] while demanding men wear bras, homos kindly die, and that more violent games include "no blood or gore" options a la Brutal Legend. The reasoning behind this should be obvious—because that's what ''he'' wants.

== See also ==
*[[Chris in the media]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Honest Content]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and censorship

2014-07-21T18:22:46Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Self-censorship */

[[Image:CWCstalin1.png|thumb|General Secretary of the True and Honest Sonichism Party, Christian Weston Chandler, seeks out and eliminates all reactionary [[Liquid Chris|Liquidist]]-[[Clyde Cash|Cashist]]-[[BlueSpike|Spikist]] tendencies.]]

As a result of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|ego]], [[Chris]] is very insecure about others' opinions regarding him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his work]]. This has led to him '''censoring''' out various comments and remarks from [[trolls]] and innocent bystanders alike.

==Origins==
In the [[Mailbag]], Chris's desire for censorship stems from his belief that since it is the "Letters to the Editor" section of his website, he should have complete editorial control over it. Chris believes that such behavior is commonplace, as he accused [[Alec Benson Leary]] of doing the same thing in his Mailbags. He is unaware that it makes him look like an insecure tyrant.

==Manifestations==
{{Incomplete}}

===In the comics===

Chris has been censoring events since [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Before his encounters with the [[troll]]s the majority of censorship in the comic has been indirect, recreating heavily distorted versions of real events in an attempt to make him look more sympathetic and heroic. It's not until the trolls began to pester him that other forms of censorship begin to emerge and eventually take over the comic.

Chris has a consistent standard as to what he censors: swear words and what people tell him to censor. While early ''Sonichu'' comics have [[CWC-isms|extremely bizarre and strange minced oaths,]] more recent issues have added actual swearing, which has been clumsily censored out. This goes for anything from "fuck," which is understandable, to extremely mild almost-swears like
"[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|crap]]" which TV-Y7 shows can get away with anyway (indeed, censoring the word makes it look [[Wikipedia:cunt|far, far worse]]). Chris obviously has no problem with [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|even the worst swearing,]] so we can assume he's doing it for the sake of the children reading the comic. Which is really strange, because he could just as easily have used harmless expletives like "Darn", and he has never voluntarily removed other objectionable content from his comic, such as:

* '''Graphic sex,''' removed only after extensive complaining from traumatized [[Trolls|fans]]. Note that graphic sex was preceded by an anatomy lesson which had uncensored swear words used to name sexual parts.
* '''Extremely revealing and embarrassing personal events''' via [[Sub-Episodes]], which ceased (but were not removed) only after [[Barb|his mother]] told him to stop.
* '''Thinly-veiled bids for sex from real-life [[gal pal]]s''' via [[Sailor Megtune|comic]] [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|proxies]]. One [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|particularly creepy incident]] was edited only after [[Megan Schroeder|the lady in question]] demanded him to take them out. [[Chris and remorse|He put the scene back in]] after he destroyed their friendship via [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|SheCameForCWC.jpg]].
* '''Real people as unflattering characters''' all throughout the comic assembled in bewildering arrangement, including [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|a monolithic anti-CWC conspiracy.]] Chris has only begrudgingly changed the names of real people at the insistence of a troll posing as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and as a form of half-assed pseudo-apology to [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Presumably, if he were left to his own devices, Chris would have no problem exposing his hypothetical 7-year-old-and-up audience to "sexy" anatomy lessons.

Notably, the comic contains and has not yet censored:

* '''Extremely graphic mutilation and murder of real people,''' namely the [[Asperpedia]] staff. This has not been censored yet, even after the people he proxy-murdered complained.
* '''Profoundly [[Chris and race|racist]] and [[homos|homophobic]] rants''', some of which are integral plot elements.
* '''PG-13-level sexual imagery and pseudo-innuendo,''' which remains even after the graphic sex was taken out.
* '''Unpleasantly frank discussions of sex in general,''' even if it now takes place off-screen.

You know, nothing that would be out of place on an episode of ''[[Power Rangers]]'' or ''[[Pokémon]]''.

When called on this, Chris blamed the [[Wikipedia:Federal Communications Commission|Federal Communications Commission]] for not stopping him from doing so. However, the FCC does not have authority over the Internet or print publications. Even if they did, they do not pre-emptively censor everything that is said on TV or radio, so they cannot ''stop'' anyone from saying anything; they will only fine you afterwards if someone files a complaint. With or without FCC's influence, the system is built on self-control, which Chris has problems with.

===On his website===

The censorship for Chris's [[CWCipedia|website]] is even more thorough and entrenched than in the comic. Like in the comic, he censors any swear word, regardless of how mild it is, while leaving every other horrible thought that comes out of his head unedited. The only things Chris likes to edit are other people's words.

Perhaps the most disturbing censorship comes with the [[mailbag]]. It didn't take long for Chris to start gutting the mailbag, first simply depositing questions he didn't want to answer in the "rejected" mailbag, then planting rejected letters into the "to be answered later" mailbag when called out on rejecting letters, then straight-up erasing letters from the page in hopes nobody would figure out they existed. The most insidious edits (as far as Chris can achieve insidiousness) are his editing of questions and letters, in varying degrees of severity. Usually, this is to bring letters in line with his self-serving moral standards, to remove opinions he disagrees with, to turn criticism of his comic into fawning, to turn approval of ''[[Asperchu]]'' into approval of ''Sonichu'', or just to try and make his latest stupid point as hard as he can.

Interestingly, he is quite fond of striking out and replacing parts of letters with bold text, like a child scribbling over something he doesn't like. It's unknown whether he expects people to ignore the stricken parts of the letter, to agree with his [[Chris and ego|righteous fury,]] or if it's just for tantrum-like emphasis. He does the same thing when [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|editing his ED page,]] so perhaps he just assumes we're all on his side.

Chris has an unpleasant tendency to refer to himself as the captain of the CWCipedia, and the trolls as assorted foes trying to bring him down. His actual level of control is of course negligible, so regardless of how disturbingly tyrannical his actions seem, he is so completely incompetent we should be glad he's not any smarter or in anything even vaguely resembling a position of power.

===''Flipnote Hatena''===

As of early [[June 2010]] Chris began playing with the DSi game ''Flipnote Studios'', and posted them on the website [[Flipnote Hatena]]. His works consisted primarily of the standard Chris-chan fare: unfunny attempts at [[random-access humor|humor]], ripping off other people's works, rambling comment posts, and of course the ubiquitous plastering of Sonichu's face wherever possible. One "work" of note that Chris posted on his account would cause him to run afoul of the Flipnote Hatena administrators. This was [[RomanticLabyrinth]]. Essentially a retelling of one of Chris's sex dreams, it violated some of the core rules of Flipnote Hatena in that it was ''sexual'' in nature. Chris, never being one to read or care about rules, was of course outraged when he discovered the animation had been removed by admins. He promptly reposted a hastily censored version of his work. When this too was removed, Chris again posted the censored version, only this time with a ranting call for admins to leave his work be and instead divert their attention to the trolls that were supposedly harassing him on his comment page. This third upload was soon banned. He would go on to upload this Flipnote three more times, the fourth time leading to his first ban.

==Self-censorship==

{{Quote|Q: What is your favorite curse word? 
A: F***.|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Chris's favorite curse word is an "F" followed by 3 asterisks|Mailbag 21]]}}

When it comes to Chris censoring ''himself'', it's a difficult thing to actually pin down. It ''can'' be said that Chris has learned to put a filter on himself. This is often seen on his website, where he types any swear words he wants to use as the first letter of the word and a series of asterisks (example: f***, a**, etc.). He knows he has to stay "Family Friendly", but he's too angry to go with inoffensive cusses like "Oh, nuts", so he uses implied swearing as a sort of [[slow-in-the-minds|extremely stupid]] middle ground. This has resulted in some very unusual quotes, such as...

{{Quote|but NOOOOO, the Trolls HAD to stick their n***** noses into my affair.|Chris, [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|self-censoring a ''racial slur'']].}}

During Chris's early net days, nothing was too candid for Chris to mention: his [[attraction sign]]s, telling people that he was a [[virgin with rage]] and he was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to build into a sweetheart. All of it was fair game. However, the trolling attacks on him have started to teach him that not everything can and should be said.

Of course, with Chris, trying to get him to stop mentioning things is akin to smacking a dog with a newspaper when it does something bad - you have to keep doing it ''over and over'' just to get him to learn. Case in point: [[The Wallflower]]. When the [[CWCki]] exposed The Wallflower to the world, she approached the site to get the page removed after learning what it contained. However, Chris not only took it as a victory for himself, he would ''still'' drop ''both'' of her names even a month afterward. Even worse, when Chris snatched the article for the Wallflower from the CWCki and placed it on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris removed the part that described how the CWCki was respectful to the Wallflower's privacy.

==Chris's views on censorship==

{{Incomplete}}

Chris's views on censorship are skewed at best and hypocritical at worst. His comic is easily the best example of Chris's odd views. Panty-shots, [[Sonichu 8|sex]] [[Giant Penis Comic|scenes]], "stripping for [[women's rights]]" - all of this stands in sharp contrast to Chris's unwillingness to push the extra mile on violence (especially when it comes to [[Simonla Rosechu|killing characters]]) and the rampant "bleeping" of swear words. In fact, Chris's hypocritical actions mimic that of another famed troll-target, David Gonterman, whose misogynistic, homophobic and racist comments and actions clashed with his attempts to paint a family friendly world. For someone who wants to have his comics published across the world, he's doing a poor job convincing people that he has material that's publishable - on top of the rest of the [[Chris and art|evidence]] against him .

The evidence suggests that Chris only censors what he doesn't like. He doesn't like character death or explicit violence, unless it's directed at the trolls who've angered him the most, or if he's being "True and Honest" about some past pretend-girlfriend suddenly "dying". He doesn't like swearing, unless he's dropping F- and N-bombs on his enemies. He really likes female nudity and can't stand (for one reason or the other) male nudity that isn't his perfect and immaculate body on display—and so on.

In Chris's eyes, he thinks this is being "True and Honest," just like everything else. However, because of his [[autism]], he just has no filter for these sort of thing, and because he's such an unmotivated slug, he's never bothered to learn what's appropriate and what isn't. Thus, he sees no problem uploading videos in which [[CWCFlyingElephants|he ran around naked]], [[Death threats|threatened violence towards others]], or [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|generally behaved like an ignorant jackass]]. Likewise, he only edited out the sex and nudity of Sonichu when Pretend Miyamoto made him, and continues to upload his sexual Flipnotes in blatant defiance of the mods.

Chris himself hasn't spoken out much on censorship beyond a disdain for the censorship of female nudity and complaints about the violence and swearing in Asperchu. If he ever did release his thoughts on the issue of censorship, one might reasonably assume he'd reiterate annoyance at [[Pedofork|"those dumb laws"]] while demanding men wear bras, homos kindly die, and that more violent games include "no blood or gore" options a la Brutal Legend. The reasoning behind this should be obvious—because that's what ''he'' wants.

== See also ==
*[[Chris in the media]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Honest Content]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and censorship

2014-07-21T17:45:42Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Image:CWCstalin1.png|thumb|General Secretary of the True and Honest Sonichism Party, Christian Weston Chandler, seeks out and eliminates all reactionary [[Liquid Chris|Liquidist]]-[[Clyde Cash|Cashist]]-[[BlueSpike|Spikist]] tendencies.]]

As a result of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|ego]], [[Chris]] is very insecure about others' opinions regarding him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his work]]. This has led to him '''censoring''' out various comments and remarks from [[trolls]] and innocent bystanders alike.

==Origins==
In the [[Mailbag]], Chris's desire for censorship stems from his belief that since it is the "Letters to the Editor" section of his website, he should have complete editorial control over it. Chris believes that such behavior is commonplace, as he accused [[Alec Benson Leary]] of doing the same thing in his Mailbags. He is unaware that it makes him look like an insecure tyrant.

==Manifestations==
{{Incomplete}}

===In the comics===

Chris has been censoring events since [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Before his encounters with the [[troll]]s the majority of censorship in the comic has been indirect, recreating heavily distorted versions of real events in an attempt to make him look more sympathetic and heroic. It's not until the trolls began to pester him that other forms of censorship begin to emerge and eventually take over the comic.

Chris has a consistent standard as to what he censors: swear words and what people tell him to censor. While early ''Sonichu'' comics have [[CWC-isms|extremely bizarre and strange minced oaths,]] more recent issues have added actual swearing, which has been clumsily censored out. This goes for anything from "fuck," which is understandable, to extremely mild almost-swears like
"[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|crap]]" which TV-Y7 shows can get away with anyway (indeed, censoring the word makes it look [[Wikipedia:cunt|far, far worse]]). Chris obviously has no problem with [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|even the worst swearing,]] so we can assume he's doing it for the sake of the children reading the comic. Which is really strange, because he could just as easily have used harmless expletives like "Darn", and he has never voluntarily removed other objectionable content from his comic, such as:

* '''Graphic sex,''' removed only after extensive complaining from traumatized [[Trolls|fans]]. Note that graphic sex was preceded by an anatomy lesson which had uncensored swear words used to name sexual parts.
* '''Extremely revealing and embarrassing personal events''' via [[Sub-Episodes]], which ceased (but were not removed) only after [[Barb|his mother]] told him to stop.
* '''Thinly-veiled bids for sex from real-life [[gal pal]]s''' via [[Sailor Megtune|comic]] [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|proxies]]. One [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|particularly creepy incident]] was edited only after [[Megan Schroeder|the lady in question]] demanded him to take them out. [[Chris and remorse|He put the scene back in]] after he destroyed their friendship via [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|SheCameForCWC.jpg]].
* '''Real people as unflattering characters''' all throughout the comic assembled in bewildering arrangement, including [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|a monolithic anti-CWC conspiracy.]] Chris has only begrudgingly changed the names of real people at the insistence of a troll posing as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and as a form of half-assed pseudo-apology to [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Presumably, if he were left to his own devices, Chris would have no problem exposing his hypothetical 7-year-old-and-up audience to "sexy" anatomy lessons.

Notably, the comic contains and has not yet censored:

* '''Extremely graphic mutilation and murder of real people,''' namely the [[Asperpedia]] staff. This has not been censored yet, even after the people he proxy-murdered complained.
* '''Profoundly [[Chris and race|racist]] and [[homos|homophobic]] rants''', some of which are integral plot elements.
* '''PG-13-level sexual imagery and pseudo-innuendo,''' which remains even after the graphic sex was taken out.
* '''Unpleasantly frank discussions of sex in general,''' even if it now takes place off-screen.

You know, nothing that would be out of place on an episode of ''[[Power Rangers]]'' or ''[[Pokémon]]''.

When called on this, Chris blamed the [[Wikipedia:Federal Communications Commission|Federal Communications Commission]] for not stopping him from doing so. However, the FCC does not have authority over the Internet or print publications. Even if they did, they do not pre-emptively censor everything that is said on TV or radio, so they cannot ''stop'' anyone from saying anything; they will only fine you afterwards if someone files a complaint. With or without FCC's influence, the system is built on self-control, which Chris has problems with.

===On his website===

The censorship for Chris's [[CWCipedia|website]] is even more thorough and entrenched than in the comic. Like in the comic, he censors any swear word, regardless of how mild it is, while leaving every other horrible thought that comes out of his head unedited. The only things Chris likes to edit are other people's words.

Perhaps the most disturbing censorship comes with the [[mailbag]]. It didn't take long for Chris to start gutting the mailbag, first simply depositing questions he didn't want to answer in the "rejected" mailbag, then planting rejected letters into the "to be answered later" mailbag when called out on rejecting letters, then straight-up erasing letters from the page in hopes nobody would figure out they existed. The most insidious edits (as far as Chris can achieve insidiousness) are his editing of questions and letters, in varying degrees of severity. Usually, this is to bring letters in line with his self-serving moral standards, to remove opinions he disagrees with, to turn criticism of his comic into fawning, to turn approval of ''[[Asperchu]]'' into approval of ''Sonichu'', or just to try and make his latest stupid point as hard as he can.

Interestingly, he is quite fond of striking out and replacing parts of letters with bold text, like a child scribbling over something he doesn't like. It's unknown whether he expects people to ignore the stricken parts of the letter, to agree with his [[Chris and ego|righteous fury,]] or if it's just for tantrum-like emphasis. He does the same thing when [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|editing his ED page,]] so perhaps he just assumes we're all on his side.

Chris has an unpleasant tendency to refer to himself as the captain of the CWCipedia, and the trolls as assorted foes trying to bring him down. His actual level of control is of course negligible, so regardless of how disturbingly tyrannical his actions seem, he is so completely incompetent we should be glad he's not any smarter or in anything even vaguely resembling a position of power.

===''Flipnote Hatena''===

As of early [[June 2010]] Chris began playing with the DSi game ''Flipnote Studios'', and posted them on the website [[Flipnote Hatena]]. His works consisted primarily of the standard Chris-chan fare: unfunny attempts at [[random-access humor|humor]], ripping off other people's works, rambling comment posts, and of course the ubiquitous plastering of Sonichu's face wherever possible. One "work" of note that Chris posted on his account would cause him to run afoul of the Flipnote Hatena administrators. This was [[RomanticLabyrinth]]. Essentially a retelling of one of Chris's sex dreams, it violated some of the core rules of Flipnote Hatena in that it was ''sexual'' in nature. Chris, never being one to read or care about rules, was of course outraged when he discovered the animation had been removed by admins. He promptly reposted a hastily censored version of his work. When this too was removed, Chris again posted the censored version, only this time with a ranting call for admins to leave his work be and instead divert their attention to the trolls that were supposedly harassing him on his comment page. This third upload was soon banned. He would go on to upload this Flipnote three more times, the fourth time leading to his first ban.

==Self-censorship==

{{Quote|Q: What is your favorite curse word? 
A: F***.|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Chris's favorite curse word is an "F" followed by 3 asterisks|Mailbag 21]]}}

When it comes to Chris censoring ''himself'', it's a difficult thing to actually pin down. It ''can'' be said that Chris has learned to put a filter on himself. This is often seen on his website, where he types any swear words he wants to use as the first letter of the word and a series of asterisks (example: f***, a**, etc.). He knows he has to stay "Family Friendly", but he's too angry to go with inoffensive cusses like "Oh, nuts", so he uses implied swearing as a sort of [[naive|extremely stupid]] middle ground. This has resulted in some very unusual quotes, such as...

{{Quote|but NOOOOO, the Trolls HAD to stick their n***** noses into my affair.|Chris, [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|self-censoring a ''racial slur'']].}}

During Chris's early net days, nothing was too candid for Chris to mention: his [[attraction sign]]s, telling people that he was a [[virgin with rage]] and he was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to build into a sweetheart. All of it was fair game. However, the trolling attacks on him have started to teach him that not everything can and should be said.

Of course, with Chris, trying to get him to stop mentioning things is akin to smacking a dog with a newspaper when it does something bad - you have to keep doing it ''over and over'' just to get him to learn. Case in point: [[The Wallflower]]. When the [[CWCki]] exposed The Wallflower to the world, she approached the site to get the page removed after learning what it contained. However, Chris not only took it as a victory for himself, he would ''still'' drop ''both'' of her names even a month afterward. Even worse, when Chris snatched the article for the Wallflower from the CWCki and placed it on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris removed the part that described how the CWCki was respectful to the Wallflower's privacy.

==Chris's views on censorship==

{{Incomplete}}

Chris's views on censorship are skewed at best and hypocritical at worst. His comic is easily the best example of Chris's odd views. Panty-shots, [[Sonichu 8|sex]] [[Giant Penis Comic|scenes]], "stripping for [[women's rights]]" - all of this stands in sharp contrast to Chris's unwillingness to push the extra mile on violence (especially when it comes to [[Simonla Rosechu|killing characters]]) and the rampant "bleeping" of swear words. In fact, Chris's hypocritical actions mimic that of another famed troll-target, David Gonterman, whose misogynistic, homophobic and racist comments and actions clashed with his attempts to paint a family friendly world. For someone who wants to have his comics published across the world, he's doing a poor job convincing people that he has material that's publishable - on top of the rest of the [[Chris and art|evidence]] against him .

The evidence suggests that Chris only censors what he doesn't like. He doesn't like character death or explicit violence, unless it's directed at the trolls who've angered him the most, or if he's being "True and Honest" about some past pretend-girlfriend suddenly "dying". He doesn't like swearing, unless he's dropping F- and N-bombs on his enemies. He really likes female nudity and can't stand (for one reason or the other) male nudity that isn't his perfect and immaculate body on display—and so on.

In Chris's eyes, he thinks this is being "True and Honest," just like everything else. However, because of his [[autism]], he just has no filter for these sort of thing, and because he's such an unmotivated slug, he's never bothered to learn what's appropriate and what isn't. Thus, he sees no problem uploading videos in which [[CWCFlyingElephants|he ran around naked]], [[Death threats|threatened violence towards others]], or [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|generally behaved like an ignorant jackass]]. Likewise, he only edited out the sex and nudity of Sonichu when Pretend Miyamoto made him, and continues to upload his sexual Flipnotes in blatant defiance of the mods.

Chris himself hasn't spoken out much on censorship beyond a disdain for the censorship of female nudity and complaints about the violence and swearing in Asperchu. If he ever did release his thoughts on the issue of censorship, one might reasonably assume he'd reiterate annoyance at [[Pedofork|"those dumb laws"]] while demanding men wear bras, homos kindly die, and that more violent games include "no blood or gore" options a la Brutal Legend. The reasoning behind this should be obvious—because that's what ''he'' wants.

== See also ==
*[[Chris in the media]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Honest Content]]

{{Chris and}}

Commissions (2014-2015)

2014-07-21T17:20:23Z

Dynamic Dragon:

{{Incomplete}}

Starting on 1 [[July 2014]], Chris began taking commissions for his [[Chris and art| artwork]]. He offered a B&W 8.5 X 11 for $50, a colored 8.5 X 11 for $100, and a colored drawing in a ''frame'' for $200. Though several B&Ws and coloreds were purchased, needless to say nobody was willing to pay the extra $100 for a frame.

== The "Art" ==
<center><gallery>
File:X53My9h.jpg|Aren't Sonichus and Rosechus supposed to be way shorter than humans?
File:BLb7Jot.jpg|"This is a match-up? What the hell? This is like Godzilla vs Sinbad the comic."
File:5Vnjx4Y.jpg|"Peace, okay? I'm willing to tolerate."
File:KKU61ya.jpg|The TRUE and HONEST Chris defeats Ian!
File:JdJd0No.jpg|What is this? I dont even
</gallery></center>

[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

CWC Update 12 August 2009

2014-07-21T02:15:15Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Image:Familylife.jpg|thumb|"WHAT. THE. FUCK?"]]

"'''CWC Update 12 August 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update 08122009'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] expresses his disgust about the recent wave of [[:Category:Guro|fanart]] sent to him. In his defense, Chris compares himself to the likes of [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] and [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]].

Because Chris is a [[slow-in-the-minds|moron]], he incorrectly listed the month as April. The video was, in fact, uploaded in August. This error has been recurring, with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|previous video]] from the same month having the same date mistake.

Given the fact that Chris spends most of his life secluded in his [[Chris's room|bedroom]], it's not unreasonable to suspect he would lose track of what ''month'' it is.
{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 12 August 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NtPlZedDTmo}}
| stardate = 12 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[LOOK at the truth!]]
| next = [[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]
}}
{{quote|That's illegal everywhere and it is ''so'' wrong.}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate April [sic] 12th, [[2009]].

Let's, uh, sort out one little topic of interest. If you're going to send me fanart [''takes off glasses''], please keep it clean. No [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|gross X-triple-X-rated sexual content]]. Eh, and also definitely worst of: do not send me anything of [[Pedofork|child sex]]. [''in a high pitch''] What the hell is wrong with you people? That's illegal everywhere and it is ''so'' wrong. I mean, I am like a family man; even though I'm not married, [[Ivy|I have the mind like a family man]]. I mean, look at Homer Simpson. He's a family man. Do you think he does that with his children? Christ, are you stupid? Or look at Peter Griffin from ''[[Family Guy]]''. Do you think he's having, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NU0vQScvUw even Meg]? [''grunts annoyedly''] Or even back in the day, [[I Love Lucy|Lucy Ball, Desi Arnez Jr.]], or even, huh, Dick Van Dyke, uh, Mary Tyler Moore, and Rich Junior? Anyways, point is: it's wrong. It grosses me out; it grosses everybody out, so just STOP IT! [''again in a high pitch''] [[Chris and hypocrisy|What the hell is wrong with you people?]] It makes me think that there is something wrong with this dang world, with such [[Christian Weston Chandler|stupid, idiotic bastards]] like you drawing such things, creating them in their heads and then—WHAT. THE. '''FUCK'''! No more; keep it clean; keep it decent! I said, "like [[Masturbating and squirtin'|kisses]]." You know, like kissing scenes... and not X-rated, or even worse that I just talked about. What the hell is wrong with you people? Don't draw such [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|grotesque pieces of work]] that's I cannot even feel comfortable by calling them... art. Cause they are ''not''! They are trash; [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent garbage]]! No more of that shit.

Have a good day. Peace.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[LOOK at the truth!]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-08-12]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-12]]

CWC Update 12 August 2009

2014-07-21T02:14:59Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Image:Familylife.jpg|thumb|"WHAT. THE. FUCK?"]]

"'''CWC Update 12 August 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update 08122009'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] expresses his disgust about the recent wave of [[:Category:Guro|fanart]] sent to him. In his defense, Chris compares himself to the likes of [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] and [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]].

Because Chris is a [[slow in the minds|moron]], he incorrectly listed the month as April. The video was, in fact, uploaded in August. This error has been recurring, with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|previous video]] from the same month having the same date mistake.

Given the fact that Chris spends most of his life secluded in his [[Chris's room|bedroom]], it's not unreasonable to suspect he would lose track of what ''month'' it is.
{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 12 August 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NtPlZedDTmo}}
| stardate = 12 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[LOOK at the truth!]]
| next = [[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]
}}
{{quote|That's illegal everywhere and it is ''so'' wrong.}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate April [sic] 12th, [[2009]].

Let's, uh, sort out one little topic of interest. If you're going to send me fanart [''takes off glasses''], please keep it clean. No [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|gross X-triple-X-rated sexual content]]. Eh, and also definitely worst of: do not send me anything of [[Pedofork|child sex]]. [''in a high pitch''] What the hell is wrong with you people? That's illegal everywhere and it is ''so'' wrong. I mean, I am like a family man; even though I'm not married, [[Ivy|I have the mind like a family man]]. I mean, look at Homer Simpson. He's a family man. Do you think he does that with his children? Christ, are you stupid? Or look at Peter Griffin from ''[[Family Guy]]''. Do you think he's having, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NU0vQScvUw even Meg]? [''grunts annoyedly''] Or even back in the day, [[I Love Lucy|Lucy Ball, Desi Arnez Jr.]], or even, huh, Dick Van Dyke, uh, Mary Tyler Moore, and Rich Junior? Anyways, point is: it's wrong. It grosses me out; it grosses everybody out, so just STOP IT! [''again in a high pitch''] [[Chris and hypocrisy|What the hell is wrong with you people?]] It makes me think that there is something wrong with this dang world, with such [[Christian Weston Chandler|stupid, idiotic bastards]] like you drawing such things, creating them in their heads and then—WHAT. THE. '''FUCK'''! No more; keep it clean; keep it decent! I said, "like [[Masturbating and squirtin'|kisses]]." You know, like kissing scenes... and not X-rated, or even worse that I just talked about. What the hell is wrong with you people? Don't draw such [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|grotesque pieces of work]] that's I cannot even feel comfortable by calling them... art. Cause they are ''not''! They are trash; [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent garbage]]! No more of that shit.

Have a good day. Peace.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[LOOK at the truth!]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-08-12]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-12]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys

2014-07-21T02:05:45Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Image:074-HedgehogBoys.jpg|thumb|The Hedgehog Boys]]
{{Quote|[[Shadow]]! [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]! The [[Niggos|dark half]] can rock you! [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] Rockin' in the atomic! And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together Singin’ with this song! His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Chandler]]!|from "[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]"}}
::''For their self-titled album, see [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]. For their theme song, see [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]].''

'''Christian & the Hedgehog Boys''' is the name [[Chris]] gave to his horrible "band" project, though, in reality, there is no band. Instead the project involves Chris shouting awful lyrics about his shitty life over [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] pop/rock music.

==The boys in the band==
[[File:Hedboy.PNG|thumb|Scenes like this made the breakup of the band inevitable.]]

The gap between albums speaks volumes about the internal problems the band has faced, including drug abuse, unwanted pregnancies, regicide and general debauchery.

*[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]]: vocals
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]: bass, or perhaps guitar
*[[Sonichu]]: guitar
*[[Shadow the Hedgehog]]: drums
*[[Black Sonichu]] (Blake): keyboard

In the [[2009]] incarnation of the band, Sonic and Shadow were gone, replaced by [[Wild]] (on bass) and [[Punchy]] (on drums). [[Layla Flaaffy]] also joined as stage manager.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> {{clear}}

==Albums==
[[Image:057-CWCHedgeBoysv2.jpg|thumb|left|First album cover]]
[[Image:CWCHedgehogBoysCOMEBACKfront.jpg|thumb|Second album]]
To date, they have released two albums:

*'''''[[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian & the Hedgehog Boys]]'''''

:Release date: [[2006]]

*'''''[[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]'''''
:Release date: [[2009]]
{{clear}}

==Singles==
Christian & the Hedgehog Boys have released standalone singles over [[YouTube]] for "[[CWC%27s_%22It%27s_All_Coming_Back_To_Me%22|It's All Coming Back To Me]]" and "[[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|Holding Out For A Hero]]" that feature unique combinations of live-action, comic drawings and shit. The lyrics of "[[Revive Zordon]]" appear in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but a musical version has yet to appear.
==Gallery==
{{clear}}
[[File:Autisticmajesties.jpg|thumb|left|[[Barack Obama|The Rolling Stones]] edition]]
[[File:128650737563.jpg|thumb|right|[[100 2269|The Beatles]] edition]]
<gallery>
Image:107-HookedOnSonichu2.jpg|One listen, and you'll be hooked!
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|Sonichu is doing it wrong
Image:447px-Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|As seen in ''Sonichu'' Comics!
Image:SchuComic6P14.jpg|Ad from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|For whatever reason, Sonichu is holding a copy of the Hedgehog Boys' first album.
</gallery>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=CWC Sings}}
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]
{{References}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
[[Category: Music]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!

2014-07-21T02:05:00Z

Dynamic Dragon:

[[Image:CWCHedgehogBoysCOMEBACKfront.jpg|thumb|right|A [[stress|long-awaited]] comeback album! Yay! …wait a minute, this is only the ''second'' album?]]

'''''Christian & the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!''''' is the second album by [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], [[Christian's]] nonexistent fan band, because talking over [[Chris and music|music]], [[Chris and his Ego|changing existing lyrics so they're all about you]], and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' is EXACTLY like being in a real band.

==Background==
After a four-year hiatus and buoyed by his new "relationship" with "[[Ivy]]", Christian & the Hedgehog Boys reunited to produce another album, and subject the world to yet more of Chris mumbling over various songs. His tastes appear to have expanded slightly: the first album consisted entirely of pop music, but ''COMEBACK!'' branches out into genres such as rap and rock.

Notable also is the replacement of [[Wild Sonichu]] for [[Sonic]] on bass and [[Punchy Sonichu]] for [[Shadow]] on drums. While a newfag would think that Chris forgot that they were in the band, a true C&HB fan knows that Sonic left the band due to artistic differences, and is now pursuing a solo country music career, while [[Shadow]] died of a cocaine overdose. Also depicted is [[Layla|Layla Flaaffy]]; it was later revealed in the [[Ivy Q&A]] that Chris intended her to be the band's stage manager.

This is notable as [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]]'s first musical appearance where he departs from his Sit 'n Spin background.

==Tracks==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!
! Title
! Based on
!Subject
|-
| 1
| [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]] — "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]"
| [[Clyde Cash]]
|-
| 2
| "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Madonna (entertainer)|Madonna]] — "[[Wikipedia:Like a Virgin (song)|Like a Virgin]]"
| [[Ivy]], [[Virgin with rage]]
|-
| 3
| "[[Feel Our Love At Play]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Berlin|Berlin]] — "[[Wikipedia:Take My Breath Away|Take My Breath Away]]"
| Ivy, [[Love Quest]]
|-
| 4
| "[[I Gotta Make My Move]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Rod Stewart|Rod Stewart]] — "[[Wikipedia:Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?|Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?]]"
| [[Hanky-panky]]
|-
| 5
| "[[I'll Never Leave You, Ivy]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]] — "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]"
| Ivy
|-
| 6
| "[[Lovin' You]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Minnie Riperton|Minnie Riperton]] — "[[Wikipedia:Lovin' You|Lovin' You]]"
| Ivy
|-
| 7
| "[[Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Meat Loaf|Meat Loaf]] — "[[Wikipedia:Paradise by the Dashboard Light|Paradise by the Dashboard Light]]"
| [[Crass and Champ]]
|-
| 8
| "[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Bruce Springsteen|Bruce Springsteen]] — "[[Wikipedia:Dancing in the Dark (Bruce Springsteen song)|Dancing in the Dark]]"
| [[Punchy Sonichu]], [[Layla Flaaffy]]
|-
| 9
| "[[I'm Sexy For My Ivy]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Justin Timberlake|Justin Timberlake]] — "[[Wikipedia:SexyBack|SexyBack]]"
| Ivy, [[Biological clock]]
|}

==Reception==
While critics applauded [[Chris]] for upgrading the quality of the [[music]] he shouts over from shithouse to slightly less shithouse, the album was an absolute bust, even in [[Molvanîa]] where Chris is lauded as a national pop icon.

Fans of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s mastery of the Sit 'n Spin were disappointed to hear Wild being forced to play the inferior [[guitar]], which may have affected the quality of his musical contributions. Fans also claimed that [[Punchy Sonichu]] could not live up to the legacy of Shadow the Hedgehog.

==ORIGINAL LYRICS==
'''DO NOT STEAL'''
<gallery>
Image:TrollstasParadise1.jpg|"Trollsta's Paradise"
Image:TrollstasParadise2.jpg
Image:FeelOurLoveAtPlay.jpg|"Feel Our Love At Play"
Image:IGottaMakeMyMove1.jpg|"I Gotta Make My Move"
Image:IGottaMakeMyMove2.jpg
Image:IllNeverLeaveYouIvy.jpg|"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
Image:PunchyandLaylasDanceInTheDark.jpg|"Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark"
Image:SexyForMyIvy1.jpg|"I'm Sexy For My Ivy"
Image:SexyForMyIvy2.jpg
</gallery>
==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QRPCIV36 Download the album]
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]

The High School Story

2014-07-21T00:46:58Z

Dynamic Dragon: /* Text */

"'''The High School Story'''" is a piece of alternate reality fiction [[Chris]] authored on the [[CWCipedia]] as part of his backstory for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].

[[Image:carrie.jpg|thumb| Terrah LeAnne Yowman: ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL!]]
==Summary==
In it, Chris creates another [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]] persona, Terrah LeAnne Yowman (one [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|gender-flipped Mary Sue]] wasn't enough for Chris), a high-functioning [[autism|autistic]] young lady with psychic powers. She is accused of being a [[homos|lesbian]] even though she is STRAIGHT, and all because she has more guy friends than [[gal-pals]]. Anybody calling her out on this is beaten the hell out of by a nearby homophobe. With little transition beyond establishing a [[Gal-pal|guy-pal]] with a suspiciously feminine name, Chris retells the story of his [[Manchester High School#Seinor Prom|"seinor prom"]] inexplicably fused with [[Manchester High School#Graduation|his graduation]].

Like in the real life high school graduation, Terrah is snubbed for awards despite the [[Honor_roll#Chris's award winning art work|awesomeness]] of [[Chris and art|her artwork]]. The reasonable thing for her to do is throw a hissy fit about it while exploding the high school, killing everyone there. A pity that her guy-friend was going to propose to her after the promduation. Now she must wander the halls eternally drawing a hideous, mutant abomination 'pon the empty walls and kill time until [[Mary Lee Walsh]] ghostbusts her ass. How there even ''are'' halls for her to haunt is a bit of a mystery, since she annihilates the entire fucking building with her [[Chris and Anger|hissy fit]]. In other words, bratty disproportionate retribution (or typical tard rage) at its finest.

{{quote|PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!|Terrah LeAnne Yowman, AND NOT CHRIS AT HIS GRADUATION}}

==Text==
{{Quotebox|The High School used to be the respectable school, known as [[Manchester High School|Menchi-Nasu High]]. It was left behind and abandoned, because of lack of funds for that one school. Then the students left, and the "students" bummed around. There was an accident that happened at a [[Manchester_High_School#Seinor_Prom|Seinor Prom]] in [[1999]]; a [[autism|High-Functioning Autistic]] individual with Psychic Powers, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Terrah LeAnne Yowman]], roamed the halls with growing social outreachings; she had a number of good guy-pals, and a few [[gal-pals]]. She was constantly ridiculed with being labeled a [[homos|Lesbian]], because she hung out with MORE DUDES Mutually.

She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully [[Creepy stare|an intimidating glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.

Come her Seinor Prom in 1999, she asked her Best Guy-Pal, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tippanston Gowen]], to the Prom. And even though she felt nervous at first, he asked her to dance. She replied, "I have two left-feet." Still, he took her hand, and danced the night with her. She was most happy and in peace. Then after the last dance, he kissed her long and good. If she was still alive today, she would have been [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|anxiously waiting for the 2009 Reunion]] to return the favor of Gowen offering the Strong Autistic individual the best night of their life at the Prom.

Now, Terrah was a [[lie|Great]] Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High.

Following the last dance, they had the [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|Seinor Awards Ceremony]]; ALL the students stayed until the FINAL END of that night. Terrah got a Star-Pin for her Good Grades; that was the ONLY AWARD she would receive that night. She anxously awaited Awards for her Inspiring, Creative Artwork she had Hand-Painted, Carved, Molded, Drawn and all Media Taught to her, yet she received NO AWARDS FOR HER CREATIVITY. She felt distraught even when called out the passing of the ART AWARDS; Her Name was NOT SAID at all.

Only Few Left early enough to tell the tale, but AFTER the final award was passed, and during the FINAL DANCE, she was beside herself; feeling alone. In her Furious Rage in not being appreciated Creatively EVEN ONCE, she concentrated ALL HER PSYCHIC POWERS, SHOUTED "PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!", then a NOVA FLASH beamed from the Prom location, seen from as far as a Hundred Miles away. All that remained was Total Silence, Terrah's gown and Star Pin, and just nearby the gown, Tippanston's Dress Jacket, with a Wedding Ring in a box, and engraved in it, "To Terrah, My Sweetest, Most Creative Woman Ever. I Love You." Tippanston wanted to wait till he had brought her back home to propose, but sadly, he died with her that night.

Since then, Terrah haunted the halls of Menchi-Nasu High, drawing the Cheerleader Raccoon Character, [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Francine StripeCheer]], she had created from her freshman year as Varsity Cheerleader Manager. }}

==Analysis==
Chris, as always, fails to understand the differences in gender relations and perception in society, as while a man who hangs out with a lot of women as strictly friends will get called gay, a woman who hangs out with a lot of guys is more likely to be called a "[[Gal pal|tease]]" or a [[Tomgirl|tomboy]]. The only reasonable interaction in the story — a boy proposing to a girl on prom night, which is a melodramatic cliché but still happens in real life once in a while — is soured when one realizes "Tippansten" is meant to be a gender-flipped [[Tiffany Gowen]], girl Chris knew from high school, which means he also still wants a [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|heroine fresh from the shop]] to rescue him from a world that doesn't appreciate his "[[art]]."

Perhaps this desire to be rescued is what prompted him to try out the gender-flip itself, as well: In heterosexual romantic relationships, it's generally the guy who is expected to initiate things by asking the girl out. Chris, however, given his [[noviophobia]], the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], and having never had to work for anything in his life, would prefer to take the passive role. Therefore, he creates a female alter ego, for whom this passivity will hopefully be seen as more societally acceptable. Sadly, Terrah fails just as badly as Chris did and dies a [[virgin with rage]].

This story also confirms that Chris absolutely can't name for shit. (Seriously, [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]]? And now ''Tippansten''? ''Yowman''? And a raccoon cheerleader named Francine ''StripeCheer?'')

Interestingly, Francine StripeCheer is an analogue to [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]], rather than [[Sonichu]]. Notice how Bionic the basketball-playing hedgehog was turned into [[Megagi La Skunk|a cheerleading raccoon]], as Chris is [[Women's rights|far too sexist]] to have a girl actually playing a sport.

Despite the inherently smaller framework of a short-story, Chris still manages to make a number of continuity errors. In addition to the above-noted incomplete complete destruction of the school, it is also said that some students survived the hellsent hissyfit by leaving the prom early, despite it also being stated that all the attendees stayed till the FINAL END. Chris also proposes two alternative futures had Terrah not lost her shit at the prom, which in context seem mutually exclusive; one in which she anxiously awaits the school reunion so she can ask Tippenston to dance to "return the favor", and another in which Tippanston proposes to Terrah after the prom (and she presumably accepts). Thus, even when Chris is writing about things that are hypothetical ''in-universe'', he still manages to screw it up.

The whole story is an obvious ripoff of the [[1976]] [[The Wallflower|Stephen King]] film ''[[Wikipedia:Carrie (film)|Carrie]]''. It has been suggested that Chris is too sheltered to have read the novel; however, it is likely that Chris has seen the movie adaptation of it. By no coincidence, the movie ''Carrie'' appeared in Chris's [[Netflix]] queue before he wrote this story. Considering how Chris can equate the death of [[Patti Chandler|his dog]] to the death of [[Ryan Cash|a human being]], it's easy to think he would consider not getting his stupid little awards exactly as bad (if not worse) than having pig's blood dumped on him.

==Fan comic==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:F1p11.jpg
Image:F1p12.jpg
Image:F1p13.jpg
Image:F1p14.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of The High School Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R88HlvfLXB4}}
| stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| subject =
| type =
| info = Apologies to Howard Shore.
}}

==See also==
*[[Things Chris has ripped off]]

{{Writings}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:High School Story}}
[[Category:Prose]]