CWCki - User contributions [en]

Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!

2012-09-10T06:30:30Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{quote|Surfshack Tito started this Lingering Heartache Chaos! I will take him down Personally!|Chris, blaming someone's else for [[The Wallflower|his mistakes]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|again]].}}

[[File:Chrischanpantsu.jpg|thumb|Right|I see London, I see <s>France</s> Greece, I see Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]!]]
'''Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!''' was uploaded by Chris early in the morning of 14 [[March 2010]]. Chris is angry with [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]], blaming him for causing a rift between Chris and [[The Wallflower]]. He then proceeds to threaten Tito by putting on a kilt, showing him his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|underwear]], shouting in such a bad Scottish accent that it's [[Racism|insulting]], and being completely incompetent with a pocket [[knife]].

It should also be noted that seeing as Chris is annoyed that the personal details of the Wallflower have been leaked to the internet, it would only make sense in his continuing parade of fail that he should drop her name. ''Twice''. Furthermore, the very next video he released features her '''FREAKING PEN NAME IN THE TITLE''', which is exactly how the trolls identified her in the first place.

It is also worth noting that "Brits" is an all-encompassing term for anyone from the [[Wikipedia:United Kingdom|United Kingdom]], which ''includes'' Scotland and Northern Ireland (as well as [[CWC_address_to_Royal_Board|England]], [[Wikipedia:Wales|Wales]], and a number of outlying territories and islands). This video was released shortly before St. Patrick's Day, which does something to explain the Celtic vibe of the video. Unfortunately, this also implies an ignorance of the differences between the Scottish and Irish peoples, of which there are many.

{{-}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dFeGkOvXOj8}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
| shirt = {{TanWideLines|text}}
| previous = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
| next = [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
}}

{{quote|Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me lassy today.}}

=== Transcript ===

[''[[Wikipedia:Ireland's Call|Ireland's Call]] is playing on the background.'']

Tito! Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Your- your days are numbered. I have forwarded your admission... to... Heather, and also the awesome gal-pal that we know between us, our [[Chris's Big Night Out II|Scarlet]]. And with great honor and glory, I will take pleasure in [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|beatin' up your ass]]! ...And also... regain th- regain the love... and trust and friendship... of Heather.

Either way, you are going down, Tito, one way- [''Chris does a horrifyingly [[CWC Fighter|high kick]] wherein [[Butt garments|we can see his underwear quite clearly]].''] Two ways... [''He then fiddles with a knife for a good eight seconds.''] ...or three! [''He puts the knife on a desk off screen.'']

[''Chris begins badly imitating a Scottish accent and standing effeminately with one hand on his hip.''] Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|lassy]] today. [''Chris comes closer to the camera and diverges into an accent somewhere between Scottish and Jamaican.''] I kick yo' ass with me [[Wikipedia:shillelagh|shillelagh]]! [''He fails to produce a shillelagh.''] [''Chris then holds up his right fist to display his [[high school ring]].''] And mah ring, man!

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Surfshack Tito]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Don't Mess With Me]]|nextlink=[["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-14]]
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-14]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2012-09-03T07:19:19Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|You're not gonna get a [[Girlfriend]], this way or any way.|Mary, as quoted by Chris.<ref>[[Chris emails 2007]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|Enough OLD [[Chris and anger|angst]] against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME...|Chris, lying, in November 2007.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[CWCipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.]]

'''Mary Lee Walsh''' is a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his [[autism]] as an excuse for anything he wanted, and tried to make him act like a normal human being.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series, a status that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in ''Sonichu'' [[fan]] fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early [[2009]], Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh, beginning with his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam'''. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (srsly<ref>[http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html]</ref>). She has also written a book<ref>http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Freshman-Experience-Creating-College-Success-Piedmont-Virginia-Community-College-by-Mary-L-Walsh-and-Mary-Lee-Walsh-2001-Paperback/2491824&tg=info</ref> about coping with college life, which, surprisingly, does not advocate attacking one's superiors with invisible curses. In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. [[Chris and Reality|According to Chris]] Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|attacked]] her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take [[anger]] management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails#Chris got his degree for Cwcville|Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

===Soul-crusher===

{{quotebox|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Black]] impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!]]" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[GodJesus|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[Scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [''sic''] images uploaded onto my [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

===Meeting===
When Chris and Mary finally had their meeting, [[Chris and reality|Chris pretended he was talking with Sonichu]], who would in turn talk through Chris. When he got angry at Mary, Chris did a live [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] against her, resulting in his suspension from PVCC.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]][[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious [[Count Graduon]] trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin and pitchfork. In a witty [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. She is motivated by a hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only real tactic is send [[jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Curiously, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, and Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh seem to represent all of Chris's misgivings about adult life--the trauma of graduating his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his collegiate career. However, in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] Chris also gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the battle between a chubby virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In ''Sonichu'' #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil. (Mary simply relocates to [[Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations.) In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a [[Dark Mirror Hole]], but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] , Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] when Chris used the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become [[Collosal Chris-Chan]]. He then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, leaving her paralyzed before sending her to prison.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is she is to blame for everything. Just as, in real life, Chris believed that Walsh was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes, in the comics Mary really is the one pulling all the strings. Virtually all of her Jerkops are simply victims of brainwashing. Many of her other followers show the potential for good, but she herself is beyond redemption. Even Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram"''', which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw said card.

In [[August 2009]], Chris put up a [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in ''Sonichu'' #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{main|Soul Calibur}}

It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the [[video game]] ''Soul Calibur III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began reexamining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.

Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair (and her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) at all. In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to fap to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been Rule 34 fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery perrow=4>
Image:126473378631.JPG
Image:12670593995.JPG
Image:127128115082.jpg
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Curse those damn trolls by amazing toaster-d30xau7.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
Image:Mlw_avec_colour.PNG
</gallery>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2012-09-03T07:12:11Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|You're not gonna get a [[Girlfriend]], this way or any way.|Mary, as quoted by Chris.<ref>[[Chris emails 2007]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|Enough OLD [[Chris and anger|angst]] against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME...|Chris, lying, in November 2007.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[CWCipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.]]

'''Mary Lee Walsh''' is a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his [[autism]] as an excuse for anything he wanted, and tried to make him act like a normal human being.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series, a status that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in ''Sonichu'' [[fan]] fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early [[2009]], Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh, beginning with his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam'''. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (srsly<ref>[http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html]</ref>). She has also written a book<ref>http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Freshman-Experience-Creating-College-Success-Piedmont-Virginia-Community-College-by-Mary-L-Walsh-and-Mary-Lee-Walsh-2001-Paperback/2491824&tg=info</ref> about coping with college life, which, surprisingly, does not advocate attacking one's superiors with invisible curses. In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. [[Chris and Reality|According to Chris]] Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|attacked]] her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take [[anger]] management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails#Chris got his degree for Cwcville|Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

===Soul-crusher===

{{quotebox|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Black]] impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!]]" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[GodJesus|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[Scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [''sic''] images uploaded onto my [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

===Meeting===
When Chris and Mary finally had their meeting, Chris pretended he was talking with [[Sonichu]], who would in turn talk through Chris. When he got angry at Mary, Chris did a live [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] against her, resulting in his suspension from PVCC.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]][[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious [[Count Graduon]] trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin and pitchfork. In a witty [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. She is motivated by a hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only real tactic is send [[jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Curiously, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, and Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh seem to represent all of Chris's misgivings about adult life--the trauma of graduating his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his collegiate career. However, in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] Chris also gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the battle between a chubby virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In ''Sonichu'' #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil. (Mary simply relocates to [[Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations.) In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a [[Dark Mirror Hole]], but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] , Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] when Chris used the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become [[Collosal Chris-Chan]]. He then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, leaving her paralyzed before sending her to prison.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is she is to blame for everything. Just as, in real life, Chris believed that Walsh was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes, in the comics Mary really is the one pulling all the strings. Virtually all of her Jerkops are simply victims of brainwashing. Many of her other followers show the potential for good, but she herself is beyond redemption. Even Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram"''', which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw said card.

In [[August 2009]], Chris put up a [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in ''Sonichu'' #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{main|Soul Calibur}}

It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the [[video game]] ''Soul Calibur III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began reexamining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.

Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair (and her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) at all. In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to fap to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been Rule 34 fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery perrow=4>
Image:126473378631.JPG
Image:12670593995.JPG
Image:127128115082.jpg
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
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Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Curse those damn trolls by amazing toaster-d30xau7.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
Image:Mlw_avec_colour.PNG
</gallery>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

100 2267

2012-08-14T01:49:09Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Transcript */

[[Image:CWCash.jpg|thumb|Quality cosplaying is so overrated.]]

'''100 2267''' is one of three videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 7 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris attempts to insult [[Clyde Cash]] by doing an overblown impression of him. He dresses up in <s>[[black]]</s> fuckin' orangeface, and tries to copy Clyde's characteristic hairstyle by slicking his [[hair]] back. The theme suddenly changes when Chris starts to rambling about how he deserves to die.
{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2267
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vWJ9ZyEMoKE}}
| stardate = 7 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{PityShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2266]]
| next = [[100 2269]]
}}

{{quote|Kill me now, I don't want to live this life of being a spawn of Satan anymore! Aaaaah!}}

=== Transcript ===
''[Off camera]''-eep.

''[Jumps into view, face covered in brown paint and wearing a white t-shirt with [[Christian Weston Chandler|"I GOT WHAT I DESERVE"]] on it]''

''[Strange, relatively low-pitched voice]'' Heeeeey, folks! It's me, Clyde Cash. I am the ruler of the [[internet]] and the internet trolls. I am an [[Chris and hypocrisy|adulterous foe, a bastard and a self-righteous idiot]] ''[voice begins to break]'' who spends his time wallowing and trolling [[Chris and his Ego|the one]] [[Liquid Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]], and making up a whole bunch of dadgum rumors all over the internet! ''[Raises arms angrily]'' I am a phenomenon! And you know what, I am a [[Chris and English|spawn of spatan]] so I got what I deserve! Nothing! Nothing very good, nothing good, nothing decent, I have no... sense of pride for myself, because I got everything handed to me on a [[Monthly Tugboat|silver platter]], I [[Chris and rape|raped]] his [[PandaHalo|Australian girlfriend]]! And then married her! And now I have a [[4-cent garbage|one cent daughter]]. I am AN IDIOT!!

''[Voice changes suddenly, gets harsher]'' Rule over me, watch over me! Seriously, take me down! I want you to kill me, Clyde Cash! Kill me now! Kill me now, [[Chris and psychology|I don't want to live this life of being a spawn of Satan anymore! Aaaaah!]]
{{-}}

==See also==
*[[100 2270|Chris as Alec Benson Leary and Liquid]]
*[[Don't Mess With Me]], a previous video where Chris acts as Clyde Cash

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2266]]|nextlink=[[100 2269]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-07]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-07]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-07]]

July 2012

2012-08-11T06:25:06Z

E. E. Spergings II:

[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|Being an [[This is how the Trial went|adult autistic child]], Chris avoided the Jailbird Saga.]]
'''July [[2012]]'''. For many, it heralded the coming of [[United States of America|Independence Day]], fireworks and freedom. For [[Chris]], it heralded the day on which his freedom was taken away, as the fallout from [[28 October 2011]] came to a head with his indictment that took place on the 10th. Though he avoided time in prison, he, along with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]], was sentenced to community service and psychiatric evaluation, with the threat of jail hanging over his head if he [[Chris and the Law|misbehaves again]].

Despite this, however, July was a surprisingly quiet month, with only one [[Facebook]]-based public display on Chris' behalf following the trial. This may be due to his psychiatrist encouraging him to [[Chris_and_the_Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|leave the internet]].

==Events==
* 10 July - At 2:00 p.m. [[Wikipedia:Eastern Standard Time|EST]], Chris and Barb were arraigned on their [[28 October 2011|felony charges]]. They were sentenced with community service and probation time each, and Chris must attend [[chris and reality|psychiatric treatment and evaluation.]] Community service was suggested by his lawyer to help "reintegrate Chris into society," and will likely be the [[11042009 51 50|hardest thing]] Chris has done in his life yet.
* 11 July - Chris updates on [[Facebook]] to confirm that the [[This is how the Trial went|account of his trial]] given by Cyan and Indigo was true, and issues an empty threat about bringing them in.
*12 July - The ''[[Chris in the media#Houston Press|Houston Press]]'' publishes [http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2012/07/rex_nabours_extra_life.php an article] in which Chris is referenced.

{{Timeline}}

July 2012

2012-08-11T06:23:21Z

E. E. Spergings II:

[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|Being an [[This is how the Trial went|adult autistic child]] probably helped Chris avoid the Jailbird Saga.]]
'''July [[2012]]'''. For many, it heralded the coming of [[United States of America|Independence Day]], fireworks and freedom. For [[Chris]], it heralded the day on which his freedom was taken away, as the fallout from [[28 October 2011]] came to a head with his indictment that took place on the 10th. Though he avoided time in prison, he, along with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]], was sentenced to community service and psychiatric evaluation, with the threat of jail hanging over his head if he [[Chris and the Law|misbehaves again]].

Despite this, however, July was a surprisingly quiet month, with only one [[Facebook]]-based public display on Chris' behalf following the trial. This may be due to his psychiatrist encouraging him to [[Chris_and_the_Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|leave the internet]].

==Events==
* 10 July - At 2:00 p.m. [[Wikipedia:Eastern Standard Time|EST]], Chris and Barb were arraigned on their [[28 October 2011|felony charges]]. They were sentenced with community service and probation time each, and Chris must attend [[chris and reality|psychiatric treatment and evaluation.]] Community service was suggested by his lawyer to help "reintegrate Chris into society," and will likely be the [[11042009 51 50|hardest thing]] Chris has done in his life yet.
* 11 July - Chris updates on [[Facebook]] to confirm that the [[This is how the Trial went|account of his trial]] given by Cyan and Indigo was true, and issues an empty threat about bringing them in.
*12 July - The ''[[Chris in the media#Houston Press|Houston Press]]'' publishes [http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2012/07/rex_nabours_extra_life.php an article] in which Chris is referenced.

{{Timeline}}

You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!

2012-08-07T11:17:04Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!! */

{{Articleofthenow}}
'''You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!''' is the gallery of fail Chris added to his own [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article in March 2008 <ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997480063&oldid=1997479407</s></ref> in a bizarre attempt to presumably either show humility or appease the trolls, who delight in seeing examples of Chris suffering.

Instead of showing situations demonstrating how he fails in real life, Chris posts various scenes from his comic book subjecting [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his Mary-Sue character]] to various misfortunes. How this amounts to self-deprecation, [[Autism|only Chris knows]], since Chris sees mild inconveniences like doing [[chores]] or being [[Get-Tar Region|told not to loiter]] as great [[Chris and his Ego|trials of adversity]]. Scenes in his comic where he's anything less than immaculate, he considers ultimate acts of humility.

What Chris fails to understand is that
#People can tell the difference between fact and fiction and ex-cathedra proclamations.
#Readers actually prefer that fictional characters have some weaknesses (those in the industry call this "depth"), albeit they are generally a bit more believable and less crippling than what's seen here.

It is presented here exactly as it originally appeared on ED.

==You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!==

And it is shown in the following clips:

<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic5Cover.jpg|I let myself get taunted and jeered to the max.
Image:AutisticFreak.jpg|I Called Myself a FREAK!
Image:CarpetStain.jpg|[[Homos|I had my head rubbed vigerously against a rough carpet.]]
Image:BloodTear.jpg|And it left me shedding Tears of Blood.
Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|I set my ASS ON FIRE!
Image:MajorWedgie.jpg|I was given the worst wedgie of my life!
Image:CrashedIntoaWall.jpg|I crashed full-speed into walls!
Image:DrenchedwithSoda.jpg|I got DRENCHED in Soda, turned bad from the accident.
Image:Dogpile.jpg|I was piled on by a bunch of Jerkops.
Image:CWCComet.jpg|I led a comet into a path of my self-destruction.
Image:GrippedbyHead.jpg|I was gripped by mattalic digits by my head.
Image:GuiltyInnocense.jpg
Image:DroppedMyself.jpg|And I dropped myself.
Image:Headache.jpg|I had major headaches.
Image:WangedinHead.jpg
Image:KickedWhackedFaceinSand.jpg|Not to mention being BEAT UP Numerously.
Image:TKOGundam.jpg
Image:TookHeavyDamage.jpg
Image:GrossedMyselfOUT.jpg|Grossed Myself the FREAK OUT!
Image:SinkIntoAbyss.jpg|I let myself fall into an ABYSS.
Image:IgnoredMyself.jpg|I ignored myself.
Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|Drew myself Stupidly.
Image:RenderedUnconsious.jpg|I've worn myself unconsious.
Image:SilverPlatter.jpg|And I served myself on a Silver Platter!
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Images]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

July 2012

2012-08-01T08:44:58Z

E. E. Spergings II:

'''July [[2012]]'''. For many, it heralds the coming of [[United States of America|Independence Day]], fireworks and freedom. For [[Chris]], it heralded the day his freedom is taken away, as the fallout from [[28 October 2011]] came to a head with his indictment that took place on the 10th. He was sentenced to community service and psychiatric evaluation, with the threat of jail hanging over his head if he [[Chris and the Law|misbehaves again]]. If he was unlucky, it would have been the beginning of the Jailbird Saga. Even if he managed to escape this fate, there was still the matter of his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s possible conviction, which could have put him in [[Chris and Money|very dire circumstances]] along with Snyder's civil suit.

Other than this, July was a surprisingly quiet month, with only one [[Facebook]]-based public display on Chris' behalf following the trial. This may be due to his psychiatrist encouraging him to [[Chris_and_the_Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|leave the internet]].

==Events==
* 10 July - At 2:00 p.m. [[Wikipedia:Eastern Standard Time|EST]], Chris and Barb were arraigned on their [[28 October 2011|felony charges]]. They were sentenced with community service and probation time each, and Chris must attend [[chris and reality|psychiatric treatment and evaluation.]] Community service was suggested by his lawyer to help "reintegrate Chris into society," and will likely be the [[11042009 51 50|hardest thing]] Chris has done in his life yet.
* 11 July - Chris updates on [[Facebook]] to confirm that the [[This is how the Trial went|account of his trial]] given by Cyan and Indigo was true, and issues an empty threat about bringing them in.

{{Timeline}}

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2012-07-31T11:54:21Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Aftermath */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I [[curse]] those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]], if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you [[Dream]] Smashing Son of a B****!|[[PSN Blogs]]}}

[[Image:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest]]

In [[June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment [[America]] (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP]]s and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be overstated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==Master Onion A-La Mode==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cEmM4JKZK8I}}
| stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Stackhouse|text}}
| shirt = {{OrangeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC_is_Angry#Video|CWC is Angry]]
}}

To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ3o3kQZWm8 Chop Chop Master Onion Rap]. Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not having bothered to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared? Oddly, he peppers the video with various video effects that seem to come from what is likely the default video editing program of EyeToy/PSEye, including a hilarious caption of "Birthday Boy" popping up during one point. It could be assumed that Chris did so to make his video look 'nice', only for it to turn into laughing material. Towards the end of the video, Chris can be seen [[chris and health|struggling to breathe]] from close to three minutes of extremely mild exercise.

{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more)}}

=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and [[Homo|go with him now.]]
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

[[CWC Fighter|Kick! Punch!]] It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get [[Rocky Shoemaker|rocky]],
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a [[Muscle bra|tit]]-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

[[Guitar Hero]] on [[PlayStation 3]]
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem>

==Campaign==
[[File:Stink Lines by Archwig.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation]]

Chris's video made it into the top 10, probably because a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]]. Chris asked for votes from many people:

* At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving it over. Obviously, no one voted.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's history and personality]]</ref>
* Chris badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Chris wasn't interested in Cole's plight, and so Cole never voted for him.
* Chris also asked Susan Hannifan,<ref>[[Chris emails 2007#July]]</ref> a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] guidance counselor to whom Chris showed a disrespectful attitude in the past.<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004]]</ref>
* Chris wrote ads on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]], [[CWC's Pokésite 2]], [[MySpace]], [[PSN blogs|PSN]], Hot Wheels, and Bionicle.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris wishes her a happy birthday, Megan still in Kentucky, Chris whores himself for votes]]</ref>

Chris also took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts. On the day before voting ended, he posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].{{clear}}

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, unsurprisingly, wrong.]]

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]], whom Chris bears a grudge against as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video counts as ''a cappella''. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

The irony is Chris actually violated [http://images.innovyx.net/dp/scea/PSP/adhoc/062507/rules.html?ILC-Boards&LINK=CHOPCHOP062607 da rules] by making up bits and pieces of his own lyrics, as seen above. Just about the only logical reason Chris got as far as he did is that the judges had ''never quite seen anything like this before.''

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (No, we have no idea why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)
{{-}}

==Aftermath==

Infuriated he did not win the trip to Seattle, Chris sent an email to the company that ran the contest to cry foul on 3 [[August 2007]]:<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2007#August]]</ref>

{{quote|[[Chris and His Ego|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP]] SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*

[[Chris and reality|I had my fantasies]] of having fun with Megan, taking her to a really extravagent ''[sic]'' destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the [[Nintendo]] of America company tour, with her, playing [[Guitar Hero]] against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

[[CWC is Sad|Life can be soooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.]]

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( |}}

Yes, Chris really did tell a complete stranger he should have won that contest because he wanted to fuck his best friend.

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against [[Adam Stackhouse]] and the other winners, using his favorite "[[Kick the Autistic]]" crutch. When people advised him to relax, he told them to shut up. As a result, he was put on a time out by an admin.

Two days later, Chris continued his rampage against Adam Stackhouse, during which he created a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. He went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quote|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the Honest, Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

During Christian's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost and that she would never have gone with him on the trip if he had won. Also, Chris claims to have contracted a "[[dirty crapped briefs|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body making this video.

There are actually two versions of the video. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version ''before'' Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made ''much'' later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.

Regarding Adam, Chris made a video where, in silence, he [[CWC is Angry|repeatedly shot with a toy gun at a photo of Adam]].

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to comfort himself on losing the contest. [[Rape|Parappatherapingdog]]. [[Chris and English|Good job]].<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NadyUs_DWK8}}
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix
}}

==Sources==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FFI3HKPS Original file]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]][[Category:Events]][[Category:Contests]][[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-06-29]]

Adult Swim

2012-07-25T17:28:14Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Other shows */

[[File:Robot_chicken_sonic.jpg|thumb|Chris probably mourned his childhood hero on this Robot Chicken skit]]
'''Adult Swim''' is a late-night programming block on [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]], catering primarily to adults age 18-34. Due to [[Chris's]] [[biological clock]], he would stay up late at night and would frequently watch Adult Swim, especially since it catered to two of his chief interests - [[anime]] and [[random-access humor]].

He has also downloaded many episodes of various Adult Swim series through the [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|PlayStation Network]] -- almost [[monthly tugboat|$120 worth]], as of fall [[2009]].

Owing to his love of Adult Swim, in [[2009]] Chris was discovered on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim message boards]]. He discussed things ranging from [[Wikipedia:RobotChicken|Robot Chicken]] to his custom [[My Little Pony|ponies]], but later on, the account was hacked by the dirty [[trolls]].

==Harvey Birdman commercial==
:''Main article: [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]''
Chris has always been a fan of [[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman]]. So in [[2005]], he entered in a contest, hosted by Cartoon Network. In it, the participant had to to make a commercial for first Harvey Birdman DVD. Needless to say, Chris's commercial was filled with off-topic references about his [[stress|life issues]], similar to his [[Autism Tutorial|his later videos]].

==Moral Orel==
Of interesting note is the show ''[[Wikipedia:Moral Orel|Moral Orel]]'' (which ended in 2008), which is a claymation mainly focused at deconstructing [[religion|fundamentalism]], and the merging of church and state, which is common in the Midwestern United States and Bible Belt. It openly criticizes the blind faith and intolerance of many American Christians, and people like Chris are exactly who they are making fun of.

Chris has stated in the [[Mailbag 35|Mailbag]] that he has watched the show, and said it was "okay". It is likely that all of the jokes and truths go right over his head, even obvious ones such as a character saying "I guess lots of things get misinterpreted and lost in translation" while scratching his head with a Bible. The subtlety and sarcasm is lost on the autistic mind. He probably didn't like the pilot episode which hinted at a [[homos|homosexual]] relationship between two characters.

==Other shows==
*''[[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman|Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law]]
*''[[Wikipedia:Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil|Lucy: Daughter of the Devil]]
*''[[Futurama]]
*''[[Family Guy]]
*''[[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]]
*''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|The Boondocks]]
*''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]
*''[[Wikipedia:12 oz. Mouse|12 oz. Mouse]]''
*''[[Chris's Big Night Out II#Chris Needs Females|The Oblongs]]''
*''[[Cakefarts|Shin-Chan]]''
*''[[Officer Keino|Home Movies]]''
*Assorted [[anime]]
*''Tom Goes To The Mayor'' (this is where he stole the idea of having a mayor's office inside a shopping mall)
*''Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!'' (unconfirmed, but likely, as it is made by the same people as ''Tom Goes To The Mayor'' and is full of [[random access humor]])

{{clear}}

==See also==
*[[Chris and television]]
*[[Netflix]]

[[Category:Television shows]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2012-07-25T17:24:42Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Lyrics */

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and [[Clyde Cash|TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES]] and NOT TO MOST [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 [[November 2007]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]]<ref name="ed">http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. Chris describes it in an [[ED]] edit as his "[[love Quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.

==Song==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-51Z5Q8hPbQ}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| maker = Chris
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see da ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! * 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!"** 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the [[jerks]] 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821]</ref>''

==Music video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend")
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6azwhe8xhVI}}
| stardate = 20 [[December 2004]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance]]
}}</center>

Filmed in December [[2004]] to promote Christian's [[Love Quest]]. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "[[All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"

===Introductory notes===

Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler, age 22 at this time. I'll be 23 on February 24th, [[2005]]. [''clears throat''] Eh, anyway, uh, for over a year, now, I've, uh, been trying to attract an 18-to-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl]]—18-to-21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been tryin' for over a year to attract a girl—boyfriend-free girl—and I have failed.[Chris sits on the floor] And, you know, when you got—when you have so much—so many failures at this time, [Chris pets his Menchi plushie] you can't help but feel sad, you know? And depressed? And here it is, about [[Christmas#2004|Christmas time]], and, well, all I want for Christmas is a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. And, a'course, uh, during the time, I have, uh, been a—trying, I written a [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|few songs]], about my, uh, [[Love Quest]]. And, so, for now—for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh, two a'—two a'my songs. [''clears throat and stands up''] First one I'm gonna sing is one I've, uhh, made up first, wri'en my own lyrics to, into a tune to this song. By the way, [''points to [[Sonichu medallion]] around neck''] this, here, is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. [''???''] just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term. Anyway, here's my first song, called "So Need A Cute Girl."

[''Performs songs'']

[[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope [[Santa]] will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call my Chris in public—and... thank you.

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, Drunk
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

=== Transcript ===

(Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, [[Adult Swim|ALL HANDS ON ME]]. (There are no takers, just laughter)

'''Man:''' (''Bewildered'') Oh ohh OHHH buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VfM9Q73lBjg}}
| stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Typer = Song Cover
| info = Sonichu: The Animated Series response from the real Chris Chandler.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GDqJ4VuzhnU}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/AngusHiggens AngusHiggens]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = Said to feature guest backing vocals from [[Liquid Chris]].
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8DTg4nx_dCE}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album Trollsta's Paradise: A True & Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl (Medley)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xjuc5iQ-eAk}}
| stardate = 11 [[June 2012]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GhostofBillRiley GhostofBillRiley]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = A medley of several covers mixed together with the original.
}}</center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also:==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with Rage]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-24]]

CWC "Boyfriend"

2012-07-25T16:47:34Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Transcript */

[[Image:Prince (musician).jpg|thumb|Motherfucking Prince, man]]

'''CWC "Boyfriend"''' is a music video "addressed to the WOMEN ONLY" and uploaded by [[Chris]] on 25 [[July 2009]]. This video features a little bit of everything when it comes to Chris's bizarre behavior, including [[I Got A Fish|dancing like a retard]], playing the [[Gitar of Fail]] and other such devices, and a side order of [[Homos|gay bashing]]. He even goes as far to condemn the lifestyle of lesbians. Paper cut outs are used to display Chris's delusions, as well as several recycled drawings.

The video description and annotations reveal that Chris believes that [[Ivy]] killed herself as a result of the cessation in their communications. He blames [[Bob]] for breaking up their relationship — apparently, despite the best efforts of his father and others to reason with him, Chris chose to cling to the delusion that Ivy was not a troll. At that point in the video description Chris also states that "Ivy killed herself on July 200'''8'''", months before Chris ever met her, although this is more than likely just an [[Autism|arseburger]] mistake. At around 2:05, astute [[video game]] fans may notice that Chris-Chan purchased the universally panned, all around shitty ''[[Guitar Hero|Rock Band]]'' ripoff ''Rock Revolution''.

On 29 [[July 2009]], [[The CWCville Library]] uploaded an alternate version of the video, with Chris just dancing and different lyrics.

In [[March 2010]] Chris would also use an extract from this video as part of a [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|desperate plea]] to the [[Wallflower]] to relieve him of his [[Virgin with rage|terrible burden]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC "Boyfriend"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|k0dQ2x76FEg}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[Chris humps his PS3]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#A Preview|A Preview]]
}}
===Description===
{{quotebox|Not only a fulfillment to a blackmail, but Also a Memorial Music Video. Miss. [[Ivy]] O'Niel died July, 2008 in suicide from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me. She was a honest, sweet woman. May this video always be a commerative memorial for her always. And to [[Officer Keino|Mr. O'Niel]], I salute your bravery on the Police, although my Detective could not find you on any Precint records, and I offer my deepest condolences for your loss, as I feel it terribly myself. I had to listen to my [[Bob|Meatheaded Father]]'s Scooby-Doo Detective jargon, as well as the Real Detective's jazz. Ivy, I'm sorry for believing my father's crackpot theory and letting it baffle me and my heart. Please forgive me, and rest in peace. I will always have the place for you in my heart. **Also, to clearify: Woman #1 is [[Megan Schroeder]]. Then Ivy's Memorial Woman #2 is [[Blanca|Blanca Wiess]]; Blanca is with a friend in the Lesbian Pic; do not who that girl was. Woman #3 is [[Jessie Ruddy]] Woman #4, or B&W Picture Woman is [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. **[[Monty Python|Spiney Norman]]; Go after Howard and his Pickle-Suited Cult.** "Dinsdale!" Woman #5 is PICTURE ONLY of WHO was supposed to be [[Julie]] Milvana.}}

=== Transcript ===

''Video opens with Chris in his blue T-shirt, singing.''

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris mimes on the [[Gitar of Fail]].''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me [''[[Megan]]'s photo appears, for no clear reason'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Drawing of [[Ivy]] and [[Luckette]].''
<poem>You’re so fine [''Photograph of [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and another woman'']
I want you mine
You’re so delicious [''Images from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]", "[[Wedding Comic]]"'']
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And Hells Yeah
I’m the motherfucking prince, man
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right</poem>
''Photo of unknown woman with unknown man.''
<poem>He’s like so whatever
And you could do so much better [''Man's photo is replaced with one of Chris'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>
''Polaroid of a couple.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like a girlfriend!
No way! No way!That' ain't right, woman! [''Polaroid shifts to reveal caption "[[Homos|GIRL-ON-GIRL?!!]]", which changes to "GOD HATES THAT"]
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris on the Gitar again.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Photo of lesbian couple is now split in two - caption "STAY STRAIGHT"]
I know that you like me
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris interposed between lesbians - caption becomes "TAKE THIS DUDE, ALREADY GIRL"'']
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris dances faggily.''
<poem>I can see the way. I see the way you look at me [''Image from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]"'']
And even when you look away I know you think of me [''Photo of Bob with illegible speech bubble, which becomes "THE DETECTIVE FOUND '''NO''' POLICE RECORDS OF HER COP-FATHER", and then "MY SCOOBY-DOO DETECTIVE WORK HAS PINPOINTED AND BLOWN YOUR MIND"'']
I know you talk about me all the time again and again [''Image of Chris with sore head'']
So come—so come over here, tell me what I want to hear [''"DAMN WHY DID I LISTEN TO MY MEATHEADED FATHER AND THAT DETECTIVE"'']
Better yet make your old one disappear [''"IVY NEVER LEFT MY HEART DURING THOSE TRAUMA TWO MONTHS"'']
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again [''"AT LEAST I GOT TO TELL HER "I LOVE YOU" ONE LAST TIME"; "IT'S MY FAULT"'']</poem>
''Photo of three women, captioned "IN LOVING MEMORY OF IVY O'NIEL".''
<poem>Because, he’s like so whatever [''Chris dances idiotically with his eyes closed'']
And you could do so much better [''Photo of unknown couple'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris plays ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' drums, looking like a complete child'']
I don’t like your boyfriend!
Hey! Hey! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret [''Previous couple photo is used, except Chris again replaces the man'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''More idiotic dancing.''
<poem>In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
He's so trollin' stupid
What the hell were you thinking?!</poem>
''[[Mary Lee Walsh]] is now paired with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].''
<poem>That old sumbah tried to take you out my life
But you know I can do it way better
He's an impostor. He's a poser! [''Mary is now paired with a skinny, hella sexy guy. A hedgehog moves across the image, saying "HOWARD".'']
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn Pickle Suit?!</poem>
''More pretend guitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one [''[[Julie]] with a MIPS'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''More gitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me [''Julie with Chris'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way! [''More gitar'']
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris points at the camera and dances like a [[slow-in-the-mind]].''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me
No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey you!</poem>

==A preview==
A preview for CWC "Boyfriend" was uploaded by Chris on 20 July 2009. Chris then deleted the video in a matter of hours, leading to serious doubts about the probability of the promised video appearing. Yet, true to his word, the video did arrive five days later, much to everybody's surprise.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = A Preview
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kdOBOpRnay8}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Video|CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Alternate Leaked Edition|"CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
(Avril Lavigne's song Girlfriend plays in the background)

Chris: (Singing to roughly the tune of the music)

Hey Hey You You I don't like your boyfriend!

No Way No Way I think you need a new one!

Hey Hey You You I could be your boyfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me

No way no way I know it's not a secret

Hey hey you you I want to be your boyfriend

==Alternate leaked edition==
===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = "CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|859NaLdXJ0s}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#A Preview|A Preview]]
| next = [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]
}}
=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
'think ya need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me,
No way! No way! Know it's not a secret,
Hey Hey, You You, I want to be your boyfriend!

You're so fine, I want you mine you're so delicious,
I think about you all the time you're so addictive.
Don't you know what I could to do to make you feel..ALRIGHT.

Don't pretend you think I know I'm damn precious,
And hells yeah I'm the motherfucking prince man,
I can tell ya like me too, and I know am right.
He's like so whatever, and you could do so much better (hops around)
I think we should get together noooowww,
And that's what everyone's talkin about!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend
No way! No way!
That ain't right woman!
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
(mumbles something) You, you, you need to be straight girl,
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend!

I can see the way, see the way ya look at me.
And Even when you look away I know ya think of me,
I know you talk about me all the time again and agaaiin.

So come over here, tell my what I wanna hear,
Better yet, make your old one disappear,
I don't want to hear ya say his name agaain.

BECAUSE
He's like so whatever
and you could do, so much better.
I think we should get together nooow,
'N that's what everyone's talking about.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend.
No way! No way!
I think ya need a new one.
and Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
And No way! No way, know it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger.
'Cause I can, Cause I can do it better,
There's no *mumbles* other so when's it going to sink in
He's so troll and stupid what the hell were you thinkin?!

That ol' sumbah tried to take ya outta my life.
But you know I can do it way better,
He's an impostor, he's a poser, *wipes sweat from brow*
What the hells were ya thinkin with that Pickle Suit?

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
Think ya need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend.

Way, No way

Hey! Hey! You! you!
I know that ya like me
No way! No way!
Know it's not a secret.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend

No way, No waaaayy.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend
No way, no way..
Think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! you!
I could be your boyfriend
No way no way

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No WAYYY and No WAYYY
I know it's not a secret,
and Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend
No way, No wayyy

HEY YOU</poem>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = A "Memorial Music Video" for Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|n8AfvxreSb4}}
| stardate = 27 [[May 2010]]
| maker = CWCmemorial
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris humps his PS3]]|nextlink=[[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-25]]

Autism Awareness E-mails

2012-07-18T10:32:31Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{Quote|We were unable to contact his parents and legally we can not force [[Christian]] to do anything as long as he is able to speak on his own. We are concerned that he may be [[28 October 2011|a danger to himself and others]] so we would like to let that be known.|Lori's message to the [[CWCki]].}}

[[File:AAmonth.png|thumb|left|The actual Autism Awareness ad...]]
[[File:AAmonthChris.jpg|thumb|...and Chris's bastardized version. You can tell it was him more or less instantly due to the [[Chris and Anger|footnote]] and its [[Chris and English|capitalization]].]]

On 16 [[May 2010]] the [[CWCki]] was forwarded a bunch of e-mails from a volunteer worker for [[Autism]] Awareness. They were wondering if he was faking his illness or if he was misdiagnosed.

These messages began in [[April 2010]] when the powers that be purchased an ad for autism awareness on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris, as expected, was deeply offended by the advertisement's assertion that [[Aspergers]] was a form of autism, and quickly made his own version of the ad. While a normal [[Chris and Censorship|censor]] would have simply removed the offending phrase, Chris went on to make it blindingly obvious that he was tampering with the ad by adding a hate-fueled mini rant about how the two are completely different.

This tampering prompted Lori, a volunteer worker, to send Chris a few e-mails, in a well-meaning attempt to correct him. When it became clear to her that Chris is completely insane, she began inquiring about Chris's ability to take care of himself. Chris, being unable to deal with [[reality]], quit responding when Lori got around to the fact that Chris lives with his parents and has never held a stable job.

==The letters==

{{Email|Just to correct you on some misinformation however. [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and Autism are actually in the same neurotypical spectrum set of disorders. Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism are very similar and in the new upcoming DSM-V, the classification between separating the two will actually be gone. The two will become known as mild forms of autism. Thank you for your time!

- Lori}}

{{EmailReply|Firstly, it was my pleasure to help. Second, I DISAGREE, and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|I personally DO NOT CARE FOR "Aspergers" AT ALL]]. People think Aspergers should STEAL the Reputation that Autism has earned over the number of years; I THINK NOT. Do not get me started with Aspergers; it is my 2nd Least Favorite Word Ever (the First being [[Naive]]).

And I do not give a [[Chris and Censorship|c***]] about what "Scientists" may or may not have found there either. IN MY VIEW, Aspergers IS NOT Autism.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|No one thinks that that people with Asperger's is trying to steal the reputation from Autism, where did hear this information? Both disorders are in the same spectrum and people with both Asperger's and Autism should be joined together to look for the cure and to make people more aware of both disorders. In fact, Hans Asperger, the discoverer of Asperger's, did not know about High-Functioning Autism when he coined that term. This is why the DSM-V is going to correct this decades old mistake.

Again, I want to thank you for your help, but we would like to change your information to reflect what is actually happening in the world of Autism.

- Lori}}

{{EmailReply|For your information, the [[Chris and reality|Fact]] of Aspergers being different from Autism and of it trying to steal the light is of MY Own Idea. I will NEVER conform to such a [[Chris and religion|blasphemous]] link of any kind between the two. And I am certainly not going to change the image's text.

Those with Aspergers are welcome to find their own cure; just denounce any so-called links between it and Autism, or NEVER bring it up around me ever again.

Christian.}}

{{Email|You are going about this all wrong, Christian. Where did you get the idea that people with Asperger's are trying to "steal the light" from Autistics? I have never heard of this before.

- Lori}}

{{Email|We are a little concerned about you Christian. May we have the e-mail of your caretaker? We would like to talk to them.

- Lori}}

{{EmailReply|Caretaker? ROFL [[Chris and his Ego|Obviously you have not read my Bio page]] [[CWCipedia|on the CWCipedia]]; I NEVER had a caretaker, unless you count my mother and father. I have been Mainstreamed; GREW UP within NORMAL SOCIETY during my School Days.

And I think I NEED TO REPEAT MYSELF HERE, the opinions that I have shared of the Aspergers are MY OWN ONLY; I WAS NOT INFLUENCED BY ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE THAT OPINION. It Is and Was MY Opinion From The Start There.

And if you want to speak to my parents, you'll have to CALL them; they do not have e-mail. And also, I AM Twenty-Eight Years Old.

Sincerely, 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|We are wondering why you formed this opinion. It is very concerning to us that you have such a negative view of Asperger's and Autism. We are also very concerned that you do not have a caretaker. We are currently reading your biography and it states that you lost the ability to speak for many years. We think you may have been misdiagnosed. You may have Landau-Kleffner syndrome which is commonly mistaken for Autism. You may read more about it here:

[[Wikipedia:Landau–Kleffner syndrome|Landau Kleffner syndrome]]

We will attempt to speak to your parents about attaining a caretaker.

- Lori}}

{{EmailReply|I have a negative view only on Aspergers. I have a positive view on Autism. I do NOT need a caretaker; I am capable of taking care of myself. I am 28 years old with a High School Diploma, a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design ([[CADD]]), and my grades were on [[Honor Roll]] throughout, and I made the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Dean]]'s List at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]].}}

{{Email|Are you currently self-sufficient? Do you have a job? Are you living on your own?

We highly implore you to get a caretaker if you answered no to any of these questions. We can assist you in finding one.

Asperger's and Autism are in the same spectrum of disorders, the severity of Autism is the only difference. You say you have high-functioning Autism which is the same as Asperger's, there is no reason to hate a name.

- Lori}}

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Da Homos

2012-07-17T15:59:10Z

E. E. Spergings II: Created page with "#REDIRECT Homos"

#REDIRECT Homos

Homos

2012-07-17T15:57:13Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Why Chris appears to be gay */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using anything from the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]].]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), an author of several blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia: Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

On the February 5th, 2012 entry on his [[Facebook_statuses|Facebook page]], he mentions buying Napoleon Dynamite because he learned 'that homo Andy Dick' didn't star in it.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies.}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the gayer he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would [[Tomgirl|rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collected [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When [[Julie_Reveals_Herself|Julie finally revealed herself]] as a 13 year old boy, Chris' immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|close-up picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[anime wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin' Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and bra].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public.
* Speaking of which, when [[Bob]] learned of Chris' crossdressing, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On the 29th April, 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
*Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[Tomgirl]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Template:Da update

2012-07-14T12:50:54Z

E. E. Spergings II:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*11 [[July 2012|July]] - On [[Facebook#You WILL be brought in!|Facebook]], Chris calls out the "trolls" who attended his arraignment.
*10 [[July 2012|July]] - Chris and [[Barb]] are [[This is how the Trial went|arraigned]] on [[28 October 2011|felony charges]] and sentenced.
*27 [[June 2012|June]] - Chris posts another [[Facebook]] status, listing all the things he wants "Damn [[troll]]s" to quit doing to him. He also posts the picture of a [[niggos|black woman]] who he claims has given him a "difficult time". He then posts an angry update demanding the trolls stop harassing him and ends his Facebook escapade by explaining to [[Anna]] why he can't change his phone number.
*25 [[June 2012|June]] - Chris updates his [[Twitter]] to talk about [[My Little Pony]] youtube videos.
*23 [[June 2012|June]] - Chris posts another [[Facebook]] status, declaring his fragile emotional state and (yet again) blaming trolls for it.
*10 [[June 2012|June]] - Chris claims that he will donate the money he earned from his [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|Lemonade Stand]] to charity.
*4 [[June 2012|June]] - Chris posts in [[Facebook]] again, claiming that there was no [[Charlottesville]] Poster Campaign. He also makes an angry [[Voicemail greeting|voicemail]] greeting before changing it back again.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template:Quote of the now

2012-07-11T10:04:40Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{quote|At one point he called Chris an "Adult-[[autism|autistic]]-child", which Chris scowled at.
|Cyan (a troll present at [[28_October_2011#Aftermath|the arraignment]]), quoting Rob Bell}}
<noinclude>

{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It consists simply of a recent or topical quote from [[Chris]], or in rare cases non-Chris people. When editing the quote, ensure it is as accurate as possible, the exact source is referenced, and use links appropriately. '''Be sure to cite where this quote comes from, include a link if applicable.''' Also, this is a wiki - please wikify (i.e. add links to other articles) when possible. Finally, don't add commentary to citation part - let Chris's words do the talking.}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Cakefarts

2012-07-03T21:47:22Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Honest}}
{{quote|Heeey Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.|Chris.}}
'''Cakefarts''' (leaked as ''fyfdriryjehvsdthyjvdj.mp4 [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video made on 18 [[July 2011]] and leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris sits his naked ass on a [[Chris and money|$9]] [[Obesity|chocolate cake]] for [[Jackie]]'s amusement. While it can not be seen on the censored version, there is already a piece (a little less than a fourth) of the cake taken out, meaning that either Chris (or Barb) had eaten some of this cake before its untimely end. It was inspired by the [http://www.cakefarts.com Cakefarts] shock site.

The "ass dance" is a [[Things Chris has ripped off|reference]] to the [[Adult Swim]] cartoon, ''Shin-Chan'', which involves the titular character [[CWCFlyingElephants|pulling down his pants, showing his ass, and dancing around]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Cakefarts
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9rOdanhY8IY}}
| stardate =
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{quote|What the hell am I doing?}}

=== Transcript ===

Heeey Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.

''[Chris proceeds to finger the cake, followed by licking his digit]''

Mmm. Let's get this done.

''Chris has the words [[Random-access humor|"AWESOME SAUCE"]] written in barely legible script on his ass. One of the S's is the wrong way around, and there is scribbled out attempt at writing the word awesome.''

Awesome... Sauce... There it is: Sauce. Ass dance! ass dance! See me do the ass dance. Do wacka do. [[Random-access humor|Shake my funky monkey ass]]give me beans I'll give you gas

''[Chris flails about like a retard in order to make his deformed [[duck|dick]] jiggle]''

Let's do this.

''[Performs the act for which the video is named, in turn getting an erection]''

What the hell am I doing here? ''[Finishes smearing ass with [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate cake]]]'' What the hell am I doing? I paid nine American dollar for this cake. That's a lotta yen. Kawaii! Bye, Japan.

==External Links==

[http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/36/rsv.mp4/ Uncensored version]

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature]]

Kick the Autistic

2012-06-26T22:40:29Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* Uses by Chris */

<center>[[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]]</center>
[[Image:KickTheAutisticWii.jpg|thumb|Now for the [[Nintendo]] Wii!]]

'''Kick the [[Autism|Autistic]]''' is the world's favorite game. This is the act of doing anything [[Chris]] doesn't like. It is very probable he has done this in the past to get "[[sex|speshul treatment]]" from "Young Ladies."

==Variations==
[[File:Kta.PNG|thumb|And on [[HEXBox]]!]]
There are many known variations of the game, and we will go through the most effective.

===Artistic Style===
Enter a competition of artistry where Chris also competes, and [[Honor roll|out-talent him]]. This is usually easily done by showing any competence at all. Favored by [[Manchester High School#Graduation|his fellow students]] and [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|that no-good Adam Stackhouse]]. Beware: Chris may [[CWC is Angry|get grumpy and shoot at your photograph.]] Or beat you up in [[Soul Calibur]].

===Chris Style===
Set yourself up as one of the most visible and recognized representatives of autism within [[Chris and the Internet|internet]] culture. [[Chris and negotiation|Act like an entitled child]] and [[Chris and Sex|develop]] horrifying [[recycling|perversions]], which you discuss on [[YouTube]]. Give other autistic people a bad reputation by association. There is a 100% chance this will result in them trolling you.

===[[Blanca]] Style===
Take the time to befriend Chris and pretend you are a [[Boyfriend Free Girl]] until Chris trusts you. Then get Chris to give you something of value to him, and destroy it.

===[[Jimmy Hill]] Style===
Chris is very funny about the material which he has plagiarized. If you are an artist troll or just bored, plagiarize Chris's plagiarized comics. He will throw a fit and "take legal action against you if not removed by 14 days." Oh wait, YOU CAN'T [[Parody|COPYRIGHT UNORIGINAL CHARACTERS]] DIPSHIT.

===[[Sweetheart]] Style===
Chris is of the completely clueless type, and will trust anyone <s>with a little bit of time</s> who claims to have a [[China|china]]. Pretend to befriend Chris, and when you have gained his trust, tell him to do something lulzy. Say you are a woman who is turned on at the thought of him drinking his own [[semen]]. Once this happens, put the goods up on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and wait for the lulz to come pouring in.

===[[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickleman]] Style===
Somehow meet up with Chris while wearing a pickle suit. He will be bewildered by it and powerless to act.

===[[The Miscreants|Miscreant]] Style===
Set [[Sonichu|events]] in motion that will keep Chris from [[Virgin with rage|ever getting laid.]] Physically [[Chris and health|weaken]] him so that he can't even rape women to lose his virginity, or do anything else for that matter. Extra points for [[Jimmy Hill|clouding]] [[BlueSpike|his]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|judgement.]] As an added "fuck you," send <s>an impostor</s> [[Liquid Chris|The True and Honest Christian Weston Chandler]] to swipe [[Kacey|his sweetheart.]]

Keep doing this for the rest of his life, then send him to Hell where he'll be trolled for all eternity... or reincarnated as a pickle... whichever.

The current champion of this style is Chris himself.

===[[Liquid]] Style===
<s>Pretend that you are the</s> Be the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of [[Sonichu]], the electric hedgehog Pokémon. Upload videos on [[YouTube]] detailing your many encounters with [[Clyde Cash]] and your success at attracting a boyfriend free girl. Brag about the millions you have earned thanks to Sonichu, and try to conquer the Sonichu media empire that is rightfully yours.

Alec Benson Leary of [[Asperchu]] has used a similar tactic, to much the same effect. Bonus points for buying ad space on the [[CWCipedia]].

===[[Michael Snyder]] Style===
[[List of places that have banned Chris|Ban]] him from [[The GAMe PLACe|an establishment]] for being the [[Chris and hypocrisy|entitled]], [[Chris and anger|angry]], [[Chris and his Ego|self-obsessed]], [[death threats|dangerous]] manchild that he is. Quite correctly [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|never let him back in]]. '''WARNING''': This will probably result in Chris [[6 June 2010|coming to the store]] to [[pedofork|take pictures of your daughter]] and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|attempting to murder]] you with [[Son-Chu|his mother's car]]. Eventually, Chris and his mom may [[28 October 2011|visit your establishment again]], cause over $1000 in damage, and try to run off, getting charged with felonies in the process.

===Literally===

Examples of literally kicking the autistic include: The teachers at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] (barely), [[Jerkops]] (probably exaggerated) and [[Niggos#Conflicts_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|TJ from GAMe PLACe]] (almost).

Chris has never experienced any substantial physical pain in his entire life that we know of. No broken bones or bare knuckle fights. His parents never raised a hand against him. There is also no record of him being grounded, or punished in any significant way even after he was [[Bob Walks In|caught masturbating in the kitchen]]. There is an anecdotal story about the time that [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] tried to teach him how to roller-skate. Chris fell and skinned his knee, vowing never to roller skate again.

Because Chris has never been through the "school of hard knocks" ([[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_vs._Fashion_Square|even running away if a confrontation seems imminent]],) he seems pretty confident that he [[Mary Lee Walsh|can]] [[Surfshack Tito|tell]] [[Clyde Cash|any]][[Michael Snyder|one]] [[Death Threats|any]][[Chris and Race|thing]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|he]] [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|wants]] without fear of consequence. However, with his latest skirmish on the [[28 October 2011]], it remains to be seen if things will remain this way if he is sentenced to jail, where prisoners don't take too kindly to self-entitled manchildren who throw [[Chris and Anger|temper tantrums.]]

==Uses by Chris==
Recorded examples of this particular CWC-ism include the following:

*In the e-mail he sent to Sony after losing [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris blamed his failure on "AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, 'KICK THE AUTISTIC!'"
*At the same time, in his first [[PSN Blogs|PSN blog entry]] cursing [[Adam Stackhouse]], he bitched and mixed his metaphors about how "I have been the dog in America's favorite game, 'KICK THE AUTISTIC' for my whole life."
*After finding out that [[PandaHalo|Panda]] was a troll during [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], Chris whined, "And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of 'Kick the Autistic'."
*Addressing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] users on 21 January 2008, Chris wrote ''"And if you have so much free time to play the cruelest game of "KICK THE AUTISTIC", [[Chris and hypocrisy|then you CAN and SHOULD put the time to better use; volunteer for a social chore; take up the culture in tasteful art; go out and socialize.]]"''
*A variation was used in Chris's second version of [[It's UGH!#Remake|Ok2bgay]], with Chris opening the video with the words "Merry Kickmas".

==Conclusion==
Remember kids, Kick the Autistic is everyone's favorite game and can be replayed over and over with Chris. He just never learns.

==See also==
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] - Video game president, hoping to release Kick the Autistic on all major Nintendo consoles in time for Christmas.
*[[Troll]]

==External links==
*[http://www.pictogame.com/en/play/game/bq1o8yBlHtPu_cwc-in-kick-the-autistic Click to play!!]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]][[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Rocky Shoemaker

2012-06-25T09:02:24Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* The ultimate white knight? */

{{quote|Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as [[retarded]]|Chris explains how Rocky helps him<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 22]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.|[[Ivy]]'s view<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

[[File:Rockypicture.JPG|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker]]

'''Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker''' is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], who advised [[Chris]] on several matters, going as far back as the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

==Biography==
In the year of Our Lord [[2009]], she brought about the end of the [[Ivy]] Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy. This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - [[Julie]] and [[PandaHalo]] have both incurred her wrath in the past.

The last straw came in the form of [[Joshua Martinez]], aka [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a [[PSP]]. After that, Shoemaker made [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barb]] contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing. <ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The_end]]</ref>

In a [[IRC (23 July 2009)|July 2009 IRC Chat]] Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to [[Chris and sex|rape]] Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.


==The ultimate white knight?==
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the [[Love Quest]], it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for [[china]].

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and [[Clyde Cash]], it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his [[Love Quest|lust]], [[Obesity|gluttony]], [[List of Chris's games|greed]], [[Monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and anger|wrath]], [[Wes Iseli|envy]] and [[Chris and His Ego|pride]].

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out [[Sydney Contacts|another]] on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with [[Jackie]]).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to uncritically accept whatever she says.

==Interaction with trolls==

[[File:Rocky.png|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days]]

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] in the run-up to his scheduled [[28 October 2011|court appearance]] in [[December 2011]]. During this call it was revealed that [[Bob]] had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that [[14 Branchland Court]] is so badly infected that Chris is forced to stay in [[Chris's Room|his room]] to avoid being bitten himself.

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shoemaker, Rocky}}
[[Category:People]]

Rocky Shoemaker

2012-06-20T15:01:28Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* The ultimate white knight? */

{{quote|Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as [[retarded]]|Chris explains how Rocky helps him<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 22]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.|[[Ivy]]'s view<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

[[File:Rockypicture.JPG|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker]]

'''Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker''' is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], who advised [[Chris]] on several matters, going as far back as the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

==Biography==
In the year of Our Lord [[2009]], she brought about the end of the [[Ivy]] Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy. This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - [[Julie]] and [[PandaHalo]] have both incurred her wrath in the past.

The last straw came in the form of [[Joshua Martinez]], aka [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a [[PSP]]. After that, Shoemaker made [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barb]] contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing. <ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The_end]]</ref>

In a [[IRC (23 July 2009)|July 2009 IRC Chat]] Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to [[Chris and sex|rape]] Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.


==The ultimate white knight?==
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the [[Love Quest]], it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for [[china]].

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and [[Clyde Cash]], it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his [[Love Quest|lust]], [[Chris and health|gluttony]], [[List of Chris's games|greed]], [[Monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and anger|wrath]], [[Wes Iseli|envy]] and [[Chris and His Ego|pride]].

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out [[Sydney Contacts|another]] on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with [[Jackie]]).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to uncritically accept whatever she says.

==Interaction with trolls==

[[File:Rocky.png|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days]]

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] in the run-up to his scheduled [[28 October 2011|court appearance]] in [[December 2011]]. During this call it was revealed that [[Bob]] had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that [[14 Branchland Court]] is so badly infected that Chris is forced to stay in [[Chris's Room|his room]] to avoid being bitten himself.

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shoemaker, Rocky}}
[[Category:People]]

Rocky Shoemaker

2012-06-20T14:57:06Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* The ultimate white knight? */

{{quote|Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as [[retarded]]|Chris explains how Rocky helps him<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 22]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.|[[Ivy]]'s view<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

[[File:Rockypicture.JPG|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker]]

'''Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker''' is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], who advised [[Chris]] on several matters, going as far back as the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

==Biography==
In the year of Our Lord [[2009]], she brought about the end of the [[Ivy]] Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy. This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - [[Julie]] and [[PandaHalo]] have both incurred her wrath in the past.

The last straw came in the form of [[Joshua Martinez]], aka [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a [[PSP]]. After that, Shoemaker made [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barb]] contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing. <ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The_end]]</ref>

In a [[IRC (23 July 2009)|July 2009 IRC Chat]] Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to [[Chris and sex|rape]] Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.


==The ultimate white knight?==
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the [[Love Quest]], it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for [[china]].

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and [[Clyde Cash]], it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his [[Love Quest|lust]], [[Chris and health|gluttony]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[Monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and anger|wrath]], [[Wes Iseli|envy]] and [[Chris and His Ego|pride]].

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out [[Sydney Contacts|another]] on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with [[Jackie]]).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to uncritically accept whatever she says.

==Interaction with trolls==

[[File:Rocky.png|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days]]

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] in the run-up to his scheduled [[28 October 2011|court appearance]] in [[December 2011]]. During this call it was revealed that [[Bob]] had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that [[14 Branchland Court]] is so badly infected that Chris is forced to stay in [[Chris's Room|his room]] to avoid being bitten himself.

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shoemaker, Rocky}}
[[Category:People]]

Rocky Shoemaker

2012-06-20T14:56:44Z

E. E. Spergings II: /* The ultimate white knight? */

{{quote|Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as [[retarded]]|Chris explains how Rocky helps him<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 22]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.|[[Ivy]]'s view<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

[[File:Rockypicture.JPG|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker]]

'''Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker''' is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], who advised [[Chris]] on several matters, going as far back as the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

==Biography==
In the year of Our Lord [[2009]], she brought about the end of the [[Ivy]] Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy. This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - [[Julie]] and [[PandaHalo]] have both incurred her wrath in the past.

The last straw came in the form of [[Joshua Martinez]], aka [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a [[PSP]]. After that, Shoemaker made [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barb]] contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing. <ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The_end]]</ref>

In a [[IRC (23 July 2009)|July 2009 IRC Chat]] Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to [[Chris and sex|rape]] Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.


==The ultimate white knight?==
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the [[Love Quest]], it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for [[china]].

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and [[Clyde Cash]], it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his [[Love Quest|lust]], [[Chris and health|gluttony]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[Monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and anger|wrath]], [[Wes Iseli|envy]] and [[Chris and His Ego|pride]].

[[Homos|bigotry]], [[Chris and his Ego|selfishness]], [[Chris and death|total disregard for others]], [[Chris and health|gluttony]], and [[Chris and anger|rage]].

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out [[Sydney Contacts|another]] on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with [[Jackie]]).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to uncritically accept whatever she says.

==Interaction with trolls==

[[File:Rocky.png|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days]]

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] in the run-up to his scheduled [[28 October 2011|court appearance]] in [[December 2011]]. During this call it was revealed that [[Bob]] had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that [[14 Branchland Court]] is so badly infected that Chris is forced to stay in [[Chris's Room|his room]] to avoid being bitten himself.

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shoemaker, Rocky}}
[[Category:People]]

Chris and video games

2012-06-17T13:49:14Z

E. E. Spergings II:

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|[[Bob|Christian's father]] says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game, and then... move onto another.|A TV Anchorwoman on a younger Chris winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

[[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Internet]] and have [[sex]] with him. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he'll admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. Reality isn't so simple, which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==

Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly [[Virgin|700 different game titles across 19 different platforms.]] (He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the Gamefly mail-order rental service until August 2010.

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console; however, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for — there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video game related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available — what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around — Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in Brutal Legend was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other [[Random-access humor|quirky, offbeat]] games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[Random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in Brutal Legend was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and Music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to be an enjoyer of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely common or extremely shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Sewer Shark'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

Despite being obsessed with Pokemon, he's not a hardcore Nintendo fan as some might suspect. He never seems to show interest in the latest high-profile Nintendo game, and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (like ''Metroid Prime'', ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time'' and ''Super Mario World'') are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks. He also owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. Games like ''Call of Duty'' or ''Grand Theft Auto'', examples of "hardcore" games aimed at "adults" are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile [[Hex Box]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Video_games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the Gamecube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. It is unknown at which point Chris defected to Sony, nor the reasons for doing so. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger's syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network, but he doesn't seem to spend too much of his time actively following more dedicated gaming websites or message boards. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with Megan's quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Grind Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"), even though he could easily check and see that he can't play his copy of Little Big Planet in his Wii, although he is either too lazy, or is afraid of having [[14 Branchland Court|his house]] raided by [[jerkops]].

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, of which we can only see in science fiction currently.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[Club Nintendo]] - With details on Chris's Wii download collection
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Marvel at the massive waste of taxpayer dollars
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]] - Speaking of taxpayer dollars...
* ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' - The game that ate November 2008, Chris's favorite title of the last few years
* [[PS3]] - Chris's "life upgrade" and current console of choice

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

2013

2012-06-17T13:13:22Z

E. E. Spergings II:

'''2013''' is the year after [[2012]]. Following the events of [[28 October 2011]], it is possible that this year, as well as others following, could see Chris and [[Barb]] incarcerated. This will be determined by their arraignments on [[July 2012|10 July 2012]].

==Scheduled events==
*24 February 2013 - Chris [[Chris's birthday|turns 31]] (see: [[Chris and Health|wishful thinking]]).
*1 October - [[Barbara]]'s 72nd birthday.

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

CWC's Pokésite 2

2012-06-17T08:11:03Z

E. E. Spergings II:

[[Image:480-ElPokeSiteDeRWC2.JPG|thumb|Note the Dutch flag, the Netherlands being completely unassociated with Spanish]]
'''CWC's Pokésite 2''' is one of Chris's earliest websites about [[Pokémon]], launched on 22 July [[1999]]. [[Chris]] made a poorly translated Spanish version, which shows that his Spanish name is [[Ricardo]] W. Chandler. According to the sign, Chris made [[Espanolic]] the mascot of the Spanish version.

The email listed on the page is itsameCWC@aol.com, probably a reference to [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|Mario]]'s catchphrase, "It's a-me, Mario!".

==History==
In his [[Chris's resume|resume]], Chris proudly proclaims both the [[Spanish]] and [[English]] versions as having been created from "notepad scratch" thanks to his HTML classes. Given the quality of the sites, it is largely assumed that "notepad scratch" is a euphemism for "pulled out of his ass". Like everything else of a visual nature that Chris has produced, the sites were nothing short of eye rape. The website was spawned out of his fetish for [[Pokémon]] and originally featured [[Sonichu]] as the mascot.

The site's logo, shown below, was designed by [[Miranda Joyce Mitchell]], one of Chris's high-school [[gal-pals]].

==Current status==
Since the website has been at various times hosted on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Chris's other fail webspaces]], its current status is the same as theirs. He doubtlessly has a copy hanging around somewhere though, since Chris seems to feel that everything he produces is pure gold.

==Sign==
El pokesite de RWC 2

¡El Pokésite de R.W.C.!es el website con la información actualizacióna de las noticias del pokémon, el juego de tarjetas de pokemon y es un website bueno con las lenguas inglesa y españolas

Español Rocks!

Visite el website en:

===Translation===

RWCs Pokesite 2:

RWCs Pokesite is thewebsite with the latest news about Pokemon and the Pokemon TGC and is a good website with the spanish and english languajes.

Spanish rocks!
<gallery>
Image:192-pklg2.JPG|Banner
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[CWC's Pokésite 1]]
*[[Sonichu.net]]
*[[Spanish]]

==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://homepages.go.com/~christianchandler/pokste2.htm Archive.org's copy of the site]
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]