CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Clydec

2011-02-22T20:46:09Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

== I AM GOING TO OVERTHROW YOU CHAMP ==
AND KILL YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:13, 15 January 2011 (PST)
* AND RAPE YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
** AND MOLEST YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:32, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*** YOU CAN DO ALL THAT BUT YOU CAN'T WORK ON RABBICHOSO -- [[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 17:45, 5 February 2011 (PST)
**** DAMN IT JERK -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:47, 5 February 2011 (PST)
Rabbichoso sucks.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 02:34, 6 February 2011 (PST)

== CWCki Improvement Team ==
The objective is to make the CWCki less gay.
Members:
*Delabonte

If you feel like you qualify, please put your name here:

* [[User:Ronichu]] - No idea what this is but it sounds good. Gimme a list of shit to do and I'll do it. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 14:42, 8 February 2011 (PST)
** Go through every article and delete stupid shit. Bad jokes. Stupid jokes. Retarded memes. Speculation. The works. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:23, 8 February 2011 (PST)
* Well, I've already gone through and changed references of Chris's misogyny to chauvanism, since Chris is more of a chauvanist than he is a misogynist, so I'm game to play janitor on here. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:00, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** I hope you're joking. That's not helping at all. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:46, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* I'll sign up... I found a minor inconsistency regarding GameSpot/Game Place. I think the new Autism transcripts might need some minor editing... but if there are more pressing needs let me know. --[[User:Darkspecteranon|Darkspecteranon]] 23:11, 14 February 2011 (PST)

Make things concise. No more sperging walls of text on obscure topics. No more opinion. No more speculation. No more Ronichu. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:16, 15 February 2011 (PST)
*Also you shouldn't need us to tell you what to do. If you do you shouldn't be here. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:16, 15 February 2011 (PST)
:*Maybe it's because what you consider bad is entirely based on your personal opinion, along with Clyde's, and has no objective value. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:36, 15 February 2011 (PST)

== Q AND A HERE ==
start here:

Why do you not return my calls?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 15:00, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*because i have caller id -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:02, 9 February 2011 (PST)

Do you regret/wish you hadn't done something during your time trolling Chris? [[User:PerilousSquall|PerilousSquall]] 18:43, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* i dunno -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:48, 9 February 2011 (PST)

How does it feel to be responsible for the drought according to legi0n?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 18:50, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* yeah i know. i totally caused it. feels good man -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]]

I read somewhere on ED that you're involved in at least one other trolling scheme. How does the manchild compare to trolling other lulcows? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:15, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* chris is dead. people need to learn to move on. chris was just something a bit bigger and probably got out of hand imo -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Is it difficult balancing trolling with fighting for freedom in China? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 20:35, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*I think someone's been listening to Guns n' Roses "Chinese Democracy" album. --[[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 02:11, 10, February 2011 (EST)
**Shut up. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 12:52, 11 February 2011 (PST)
** this is how i fight for freedom. once i expose american failures to the public, i will destroy america's status as superpower. duh -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)
***You rock, good sir. Or should I say "That Clyde is a pretty cool guy. eh pwns Americunts and doesnt afraid of anything..."? [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] 20:53, 10 February 2011 (PST)
**** shut the fuck up -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Hey Clyde. I've always been curious, what is your favorite video game(s), and favorite video game console(s)? --[[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 01:19, 10 February 2011 (EST)
* super mario galaxy 2 goty all years -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hyper sleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening and how many wraths to the nearest molton? [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:35, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* 7 -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

If you could go back in time and change one major historical event, what would it be and why? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:01, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* hitler's suicide. he had a lot more to accomplish. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Question from Ivy: "I am taller than you. Will you go back to China and do the taller surgery thing to be taller than me someday?" --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* "PS- Even in Heaven, I am taller than you." --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:36, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** fuck you -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 14:04, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Where did you very first discover Chris? Was it on /v/ or /b/? Also, what was the first move you made to troll Chris? I know Medic takes alot of the credit for the early days of CWC trolling, did he really have a big effect or was most of it handed to him? [[User:Nigroid|Nigroid]] 17:25, 10 February 2011 (PST)
*/v/ and medic did jack shit. the only person of note who did anything was evan. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

What is love? [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 19:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* love -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Do you and the PVCC cabal really have Chris's email, voicemail, etc. under surveillance to protect against white knights and overly noobish trolls? [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] 20:53, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* no but i have his ps3 if that counts -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 22:40, 10 February 2011 (PST)

You wouldn't happen to know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, would you?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:08, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* because it's full of fucking sugar and kids love that shit -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:46, 11 February 2011 (PST)

I have 2 questions actually... 1) What's the meaning of life? and 2) Why did you decide to start trolling Chris of all people? (not that I'm complaining) --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:37, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* 1. because -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)
* 2. bcuz i was naive and young back then. those were the days my friend. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Is the PVCC kind of boring? [[User:Barachulove|Barachulove]] 23:17, 11 February 2011 (PST)
* if you're looking for chris shit, super boringo. there's like one user who keeps annoying everyone about chris shit and everyone's like shut up we're talking about donkey kong country returns now and he's like but wait can't we and we're like SHUT THE FUCK UP CHRIST and we lock his topics because that's how we fucking roll seriously it's like a stupid generic message board now the only reason we couldn't want to let people in is because it is a small tight knit community or smoething and really if you wanted to join you'd have been in #sonichu and we chillin with us and we'd let you in because that's the type of person we'd want in that community who shares the same interests and feelings you know because we got that same type of emotional connection but not in a gay way dude but like friendship like in that game mortal kombat you know -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

You are crazy. Agreed?--[[User:WeirdGuy|WeirdGuy]]
*fuck off -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:30, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Chinese Democracy the album sucked. Does this lower the bar for actual democracy in China? [[User:Massive Dynamic|Massive Dynamic]] 17:00, 12 February 2011 (PST)
*chinese people don't even listen to rock and roll. they only listen to classical mozart. or else -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:02, 12 February 2011 (PST)

Is it true that there have been several people who have used the moniker "Clyde Cash" throughout the trolling of Chris, and you are in fact the third such person to do so? [[User:Nigroid|Nigroid]] 14:02, 18 February 2011 (PST)
*yeah, there's plenty of people pretending to be me. well, clyde. not me. i'm awesome. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 20:46, 21 February 2011 (PST)
*On a scale of 1 to 10, how silly would you consider yourself? [[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 21:08, 21 February, 2011 (EST)
** 29 -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 20:46, 21 February 2011 (PST)

Do you have any plans for Chris' birthday? Not you-know-who...I mean you in particular. I was thinking about buying a shitty toy gun and shooting at a dartboard with a picture of his face taped to it. Totally wholesome. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 12:46, 22 February 2011 (PST)

==Math Questions go here==
[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:32, 11 February 2011 (PST)

CWCville

2011-02-20T18:50:09Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: Mobius doesn't technically exist in game continuity. While Sonic's world is quite different from ours, there is no official name for it. Presumably, it's Earth...In some bizzare alternate future.

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of reality and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]

[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Sonic's World.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chandler is Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections.

Contrary to this, he has insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville).

The issue is further convoluted when Chris says that voting is strictly for the Board of Director Members<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref>, though Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to.

[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor]].]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. the [[Wikipedia:Kim Il Sung|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea, the [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran, and the [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti).

It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen/mentioned in the comic.

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref>, but later decided not to.

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random and [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]].

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are <ref>depowered</ref>, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Michael Snyder|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Fictional places]]

CWCville

2011-02-20T06:09:42Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of reality and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1" width="500em"
! colspan="2" | CWCville
|-
|'''Flag''' (Ceremonial)
|[[File:Cwcflag1.png|frameless|The ceremonial flag of CWCville.]]
|-
|'''Flag''' (National)
|[[File:Newflag1.png|frameless|The national flag of CWCville.]]
|-
| '''Location'''
| [[Virginia]], [[USA]]
|-
| '''Coordinates'''
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe, far from [[Molvanîa]].
|-
| '''Date Established'''
| ''Fictional:'' [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] ''Real World:'' [[2000]]
|-
| '''Population'''
| Unknown. Mixed population of humans, Pokémon, and ripoffs.
|-
|'''Political Ideology'''
| Chandlerist Socialism
|-
| '''ZIP Code'''
| 02024<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook|''Sonichu'' #8 Official Videobook]]</ref>
|-
| '''Website'''
| None (formerly ''The CWCipedia'')
|-
| '''Also known as'''
| Chris's Mind, CWCistan, The People's Democratic Republic of CWCville, The Confederate States of CWCville, Hell, etc.
|-
| '''Exports'''
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, autistic manchildren, oppressed [[Homos|LGBT]] refugees, semen.
|-
| '''Current Relevance'''
| Main location of events in the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' universe.
|}

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]

[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> In his willingness to educate, and his confusion at negative reactions to his answers, Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Mobius.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chandler is Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections.

Contrary to this, he has insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville).

The issue is further convoluted when Chris says that voting is strictly for the Board of Director Members<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref>, though Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to.

[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor]].]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. the [[Wikipedia:Kim Il Sung|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea, the [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran, and the [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti).

It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen/mentioned in the comic.

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref>, but later decided not to.

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random and [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]].

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are <ref>depowered</ref>, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry. With the banning of anything tobacco-related, CWCville loses hundreds of millions of dollars a year in tax revenues, jobs and investment.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Michael Snyder|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokémon roam in the forests; zapbuds fill the fields.

Zapbuds have quickly established themselves in the surrounding ecosystem. Aside from [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu|"healing woes"]], relatively little is known about them. They have four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" in their name and electrical hazard symbols on their petals suggest that it might not be the brightest idea to take a piss in the middle of a zapbud field.

Marijuana is grown in CWCville and is used recreationally [[Inos|by]] [[Yawning Squirtle|several]] [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|people]] but is punished by [[Book10Replacement|Draconian prison sentences]].

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Fictional places]]

BILLY MAYS

2011-02-19T01:58:59Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{quote|[[Metal Gear Solid|NO VICTORY, NO DEFEAT. THE SURVIVOR WILL CARRY ON THE FIGHT. IT IS OUR DESTINY.]]|BILLY MAYS's final statement to the CWCki}}

[[Image:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|thumb|Now cracks a noble heart / goodnight sweet prince / and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg|thumb|Chris desecrated the memory of BILLY MAYS by portraying him with Sonichu on his shirt.]]

'''WILLIAM DARRELL "BILLY" MAYS''' (20 July [[Pre-1980#1950s|1958]] – 28 [[June 2009]]) was a [[TV]] advertising man turned [[Internet]] [[troll]], and a true [[Miscreants|patriot]]. Provided both epic [[lulz]] and wisdom in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#Sonichu]] and on [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] during his noble lifetime. He was famous for his signature ALL CAPS style, and preached daily the Gospel of [[Wikipedia:OxiClean|OxiClean]] and the Big City Slider Station. On [[March 2009|3 March 2009]], Chris, under duress by [[BlueSpike]], declared BILLY the third Mayor of [[CWCville]]; however, his reign was tragically cut short.

In real life he was arch-enemies with Chef Tony <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-YXgFv2IN4]</ref>, Barry Scott<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVHUAco_k-g ]</ref>, and Vince Shlomi<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA]</ref>.

==Mayoralty==
His first order of business was "ADULT PARTYING", and promised that everyone will go home [[Episode 18|smokey]]. He stated that "THE ROADS WILL POUR CHEAP [[Reeb|BEER]] AND CARTONS OF CIGARETTES", noting that the poor citizens of [[CWCville]] deserve a week of "DRUNKEN STUPOR". During his short reign as mayor, BILLY MAYS instituted several groundbreaking reforms and was loved by all, with a record-breaking 99% approval rating.{{cite}} Sadly, CWCville's era of prosperity was quick to end after only a few months.

==Murder==
On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS was found dead in his mansion in [[Wikipedia:Tampa, Florida|Tampa, Florida]], where he resided after suffering several assassination attempts by various hitmen, allegedly under the employ of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. The true cause of his death is unknown, but his death was suspiciously close to [[Clyde Cash|Clyde Cash's]] apparent death on 22 [[May 2009]]. His family has asked for privacy.

In [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris claims he didn't kill BILLY, but rather that BILLY was a victim of a fatal heart attack. However, a skilled killer would make it ''look'' like it was a "heart attack". As paradoxical as it may seem that Chris succeeds at killing the beloved [[True and Honest]] Mayor of [[CWCville]] BILLY MAYS despite [[fail]]ing at everything else, it is reasonable to expect that one would have a [[Wikipedia:Heart attack|heart attack]] if he were woken out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night by a fat [[autistic]] manchild who reeks of [[dirty, crapped briefs|feces]], screaming "I AM THE TRUE AND HONEST MAYOR OF CWCVILLE!" while completely nude.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], BILLY MAYS [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_92 fails to free Ivy] when she is strangled by elevator wires. The slickness of the walls keeps him from climbing up them to save her. However, the walls of text and general bad writing led to some confusion and the belief that he also died in the comic.

In Chris's [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Character_Bios Biography Page] on the [[CWCipedia]], he lists BILLY MAYS as a "non-cannon" character, despite his appearance in central episodes of Chris's comics.

==Post death==
[[Image:BILLYMAYSPEAKS.jpg|thumb|left|BILLY's message from beyond]]

In his [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, Chris laments the death of his "bodyguard" BILLY MAYS, and announces the near-completion of the [[Twin Falling Towers|BILLY MAYS Tower]]. That a skyscraper could have been constructed so quickly after BILLY MAYS's death is suspicious, and many CWCville residents believe Chris arranged the building of the Tower as a way to launder [[money]] stolen from his parents' credit cards, and that the naming of the Tower is nothing more than a publicity stunt to leech off of BILLY MAYS's [[Chris_and_Ego|popularity]].

==See also==

*[[Chris-chan_Discusses...#Chris-chan_Discusses..._Billy_Mays|Chris-chan Discusses... Billy Mays]] - Chris discusses his involvement with BILLY's death with Guru Larry.

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{People}}

{{CWCipedia|chris=billy_mays}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:MAYS, BILLY}}
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Sonichu (character)

2011-02-10T17:56:17Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

''This page is about the character. For others, see [[Sonichu (disambugation)]]''

{{Quote|Do not fear, world, for I am a new pokemon. And my name is… Sonichu!|Sonichu, the [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|Genesis of the Lovehogs]]}}

{{quote|Sonichu is Copyrighted and Mine Alone. Do Not Steal.|Chris, "Sonichu" [[CWCipedia]] article}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:SonichuOriginal.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 17 March [[Sonichu chronology#1988|1988]] (in universe)
17 March [[2000]] (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 5'4"
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] or [[Pikachu]]
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]
|-
|}
'''Sonichu''' (born 17 March 1988<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu</ref>) is the magnum opus of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. He is an uncreative combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]], and is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and ''"zaps to the extreme!"''

Sonichu's species, [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], evolves from a [[Sonee]], and can evolve into either [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]. (Even though the original Sonichu mutated from Pikachu, which just makes the ''Sonichu'' [[comic]] even more pointless and convoluted.)

==Creation and development==

[[Image:TheFirstSonichu.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing of Sonichu, circa [[2000]], from one of Chris's homemade Pokémon cards<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>]]
[[Image:042-CWC'sFavoriteHits.jpg|thumb|The CD cover in question, [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth]]</ref>]]

Chris revealed on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth|fail Wikipedia page]] that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class with Miss Chalifoux. In March [[2000]], Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being ridiculously simple, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:

{{quote|Then it dawned on me at that moment after lunch, much like the random creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] during Basketball Practice in my Freshman Year, Sonichu just bursted right into my imagination. A blur at first, but then it all became more clear and came together very well. So, as swiftly as the creation of [[Bionic]], I drew Sonichu on paper from imagination, then I drew him on my currently open Photoshop program. 

After checking with Miss. Chalifoux and my father, who is BIG on copyrights and whatnot; SONICHU WAS LEGAL THEN, and STILL IS and ONLY MINE! So, soon after, the CD-Cover was made, printed and Passed with an A+ Grade. :D |Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation]</ref>}}

Thus, an [[Internet]] legend, Sonichu, was born.

Chris created the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]] five months later, in August [[2000]]. A few drawings of Sonichu appeared on the site, mostly on homemade Pokemon cards and other various and sundry shit.

The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The comic was completed and released in [[2005]], five years after Sonichu's conception (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out...).

Sonichu's character design has slightly changed since Chris scrawled the first poorly drawn Sonichu. Due to [[Megan]]'s influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet [[china]]), ''Sonichu'' took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for nearly a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the drawing skills of a six-year-old. Perhaps constant [[mass debating|masturbation]] leaves his hands sore, numb and useless.

==Fictional character biography==

{{quote|Yellow electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original and one-and-only, he runs faster than the speed of sound. When danger is near, he will slice and zap it up.|Sonichu's background, [http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm Sonichu's News Dash #2]}}

Sonichu came from a "freshly hatched" [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] (son of a [[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charmander]] and [[Wikipedia:Sandshrew|Sandshrew]]) that eventually evolved into a [[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]], who "grazed, survived and had fun."

{{quote|A Pok'emon Watcher saw this one making out with a [[Jiggliami|Jigglypuff]] once or twice. WILD.|Chris, [[CWCipedia]]}}

[[Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Making Out.jpg|thumb|Awww]]
[[Image:CWCsonichuduck.JPG|thumb|Ewww]]

[[image:18357.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic's reaction to Chris and Sonichu. Not even Sonic 06 was this shameful.]]

One day the city of [[Station Square]] was under siege by the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]], and [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] attempted to battle the creature. While using the six [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic, Sonic bumped into the Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic. After dispatching with the Perfect Chaos Monster, and being mistaken for Sonic, the newly evolved Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of [[Pokémon]]: Sonichu.

After his transformation, he ran back to his parents' nest, where he found that they had been caught by Pokémon trainers. Showing the same [[Chris and death|callousness]] his creator shows after a loss, Sonichu does not seem to have attempted to find them, never mentioned them again, and even refers to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] as his father.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu</ref>

While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering [[Rosechu]] in the woods, he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, [[Kel]] and thus stalked Rosechu back to her and Kel's cabin, whereupon he introduced himself to them. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from [[Naitsirhc]] at [[CWCville Mall]], Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. [[CWCville]]'s Mayor, [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his [[Love Quest]].

Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father [[Giovanni]] and [[Doctor Robotnik]] used to create [[Black Sonichu]]. Black Sonichu was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and [[Metal Sonichu]] to rescue Rosechu, who later met [[Amy Rose]].

One day, while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious [[Cherokian]] chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], which reveals that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretells of the release of an [[Count Graduon|ancient evil]]. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], which transformed him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], the reincarnation of the head of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. [[Saramah Rosechu]], the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokemon created by the same effect that created himself and Rosechu. Sonichu led this newly formed [[Chaotic Combo]] into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.

One day, Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall when Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform with his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|twin sister]] into [[Chrs-Chan Pure]]. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.

After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] from [[1990s#1996|1996]]. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.

One day, after having hours of sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website [[4-cent_garbage.com]] spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis--pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-cent_garbage.com building to confront [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.

During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing.

When forces of evil attacked CWCville, Sonichu took time out from [[Chris and anger|raging]] at [[homos]] and [[Women's rights|objectifying his wife]] in order to defend the city. When granted the opportunity to finish the primary villain once and for all, Sonichu released her in order to allow his father to grab all the glory of defeating her (and thus putting the city in further danger).

After Chris's return from the Time Void, Sonichu returned to his role as second fiddle to Chris, doing the latter's bidding as [[Ultra Sonichu]] with some godlike powers of his own. After [[Collosal Chan]]'s crimes against humanity, Sonichu served as "plaintif"[sic]/witness in the mock trial of the [[Asperpedia]] Four, and after the predetermined verdict, took part in Evan's brutal execution.

Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's [[duck]].

==Characteristics and personal life==

[[Image:Original-chrischan-rosechu-trap.jpg|thumb|MY ASS HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FIRE!]]

Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing and chillin'. He enjoys outdoors activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.

Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a ''Sonichu'' cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone.<ref>Mumble chat{{cite}}</ref>

He is deeply in love with his [[sweet-bolt]], Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at 14 Brunchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024-1982. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or [[Sonichu 8|vomits profusely]]. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|abusive behind closed doors]].

[[Image:Lolmarriage.png|thumb|left|"Christ almighty, I zap to the extreme all fucking day, can't I have a goddamn can of [[Reeb]] and watch TV, woman?"]]

Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal [[Chris and religion|sin]], Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today</ref> (a possible [[retcon]] by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves ''over'' their wedding rings and keeping their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three children]] — Cerah (potentially named after [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Sarah Jackson]], [[PandaHalo]] or [[Sarah May]]; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]], or the not-so-retarded [[Bob|hero]] of the Chandler household), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the [[Wikipedia:Flowers_in_the_Attic|attic like so many flowers]]. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as [[Wild Sonichu]] could truly survive in our harsh world.

Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the ''Sonichu'' series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When [[Giovanni]] asked him between loyalty to [[Reldnahc]] and make him into the Mayor of CWCville, or let Rosechu to live, obviously, he chose Christian instead of Rosechu without hesitation.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Image:SchuComic9P82.jpg</ref> Like father, like son.

==Sexual prowess==
When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily seven inches (18 cm) long, and often ruptures the [[raincoat|condoms]] he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu. Chris has also given very intense details to Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology</ref>
 

==Powers and abilities==

[[Image:SonichuStats.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu's stats. You know, for all the people who give a damn.]]

Aside from the obvious super-speed and body-spinning powers transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. Some of his special attacks include:

* '''Sky Uppercut''' (Jumping punch to the head from below, presumably simular in fashion to the ''Shoryuken''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoryuken|Shoryuken|]] from the ''Street Fighter'' games)
* '''Mega Kick''' (A martial arts-style kick, sometimes done in midair)
* '''Double Team''' (The attacker quickly creates an illusion that there are three attackers, diguising the real one temporarily)
* '''Spin Dash''' (Attacker curls into a ball and spins on the spot, before releasing and hurtling directly into the victim in a high-speed rolling attack)
* '''Zap Cannonball''' (Attacker creates a ball of pure electrical energy in their hands, before thrusting their palms forward to fire it at the victim)
* '''Iron Tail''' (Attacker swings his tail at the victim to hit them in a slapping attack)
* '''Mud Slap''' (Attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes to lower their accuracy)
* '''Thunderbolt''' (Attacker charges up electrical power in body, before releasing it at the victim as a long bolt of electricity)
* '''Thunder''' (Attacker charges up electrical power, and uses it to summon lighting bolts down to the victim whilst simultaneously firing off electricity for a powerful lightning attack)

Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while Christian takes over the story.

Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and [[Blake]] are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in [[Sonichu 1]] seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually ''slower'' than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 km/h (124 mph), much slower than Sonic, who can apparently hit Mach 1 (1,225 km/h / 761 mph) unaided (so far, the best Sega has been able to show in-game is around 300 mph (483 km/h) in [[Wikipedia:Sonic Unleashed|''Sonic Unleashed'']]). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 rpm, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze.

Thus, Sonichu fails as a Sonic ripoff.

==Sonichu as a Mary Sue==
[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|He's not [[gay]]. And he'll kill you to further emphasize this ''"fact"'']]

One of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew [[trolls]] to Chris, aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, is that Sonichu is a ''Mary Sue'', unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.

When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is fast, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.

A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], during the battle with [[4-cent_garbage.com]], where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Sonic VS Sonichu- the battle nobody wanted to see explodes onto your computer screens!
Image:067-SonichuStats.jpg|More than you ever wanted to know about Sonichu's stats.
Image:069-SchuGlasses.jpg|Even Sonichu wears [[Pedo-Glasses]]!
Image:070-SchuVsBchu.jpg|SONICHU VS. [[Blake|NIGRACHU]] FIGHT!
Image:072-SchuRchuDisco.jpg|Fun fact: Chris would never actually go into a disco because it's too [[tobacky|smokey]] and [[alcohol|drunky]] for his tastes.
Image:073-SchuRchuCmas.jpg|Watch out Sonichu, it's Black Sonichu!
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|HE'S A STREET SMART COP WITH 20 YEARS ON THE FORCE! HE'S A ROOKIE OUT OF ACADEMY! TOGETHER, THEY DELIVER JUSTICE. COMING THIS SUMMER.
Image:111-CWCSchuRchu.jpg|Chris, marveling at his creation where either Sonichu is holding a minidisc version of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] or an unfortunate licensed [[raincoat|condoms]] with album art on them.
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|Yes, even Chris's game consoles have Sonichu on them, like his PSP.
Image:112-NDSonichu2.jpg|Even for your DS!
Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|Chris and Sonichu are keeping an eye on you, [[Evan]]. FIND YOUR OWN VIDEO GAME FRANCHISES TO INFRINGE UPON!
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:167-SchuCard1.jpg
Image:168-SchuCard2.jpg|That's right, he made a reverse foil card with actual tin foil.
Image:169-CWCsSchu1.jpg
Image:170-DarkSchu.jpg
Image:171-SurfingSchu.jpg
Image:172-SnowSchu.jpg
Image:173-CWCsSchu2.jpg
Image:174-SchuCard3.jpg
Image:175-SchuBday.jpg
Image:176-SchuCard4.jpg
Image:177-RaceSchu.jpg
Image:178-ShineSchu.jpg
Image:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg
Image:180-SchuRchu.jpg
Image:181-SchuCard5.jpg
Image:182-SchuCard6.jpg
Image:183-SchuCard7.jpg
Image:184-SonichuEX.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:189-YuSchu.jpg|Yu-Gi-Oh!
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg|A proposed site logo idea that was rejected for not being bad enough. Also, Sonichu's smiling because he's gonna rape her within seconds.
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|<s>Freddy Mercury</s> Sonichu, noted guitarist in Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|And his GBA
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|(with layout so you can instantly make it worthless)
Image:206-SonichuPose.jpg|Very intimidating...
Image:228-SchuGrafiti.JPG|Spoiler: either that was an abandoned building nobody gave a shit about or it was a wall that was going to be demolished immediately anyway.
Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|Really? Of all the things going on campus, you had to go with asking Chris about Sonichu?
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu with Rosechu, in [[Pixelblocks]] form.
Image:snowchu.gif|Nothing is safe.
Image:0510-CWCNote9.jpg|DVD notes
Image:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|In ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
Image:ECP 00077.jpg|They've fused!
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu}}
{{Fan art|chris=Sonichu_(fanart)|linkname=Sonichu}}
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu (disambugation)|All other uses of that damn "Sonichu" word]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Medallions of Fail]]

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

User talk:Cogsdev

2011-02-10T17:34:00Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{protip|COGSDEV SAYS: account creation [for [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]]] totally disabled for now because i'm getting tired of people registering over and over thinking it'll get them approved faster 

if your account was deactivated and you want it back, don't ask me on my cwcki talk page, ask someone in the [[IRC:Contents|irc channel]] 

<center>and sign your god damn edits</center>}}

'''Be sure to read the archives before posting.'''

[[User:Cogsdev/Archive 1]]

==A few things==
I've been helping [[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] with image optimization, and in the process, I've come across a few things.
# Wondering if I could have file deletion privileges, so Fs doesn't have to keep checking my userpage and deleting everything for me?
#Is there an "images marked for deletion" tag or something, so we can discuss and get rid of files that don't serve any purpose here? [[:Image:LoriLopez.jpg|Example]] (Uploaders may dispute/defend the merit of the image if they wish.)
#I'm thinking maybe we should have a limit to the number of 'vanity' images you can upload for (specifically) your userpage.
#Similarly, it seems a lot of people upload their fanart just to share it, but they only put it in [[:Category:Fan art]] and don't link it anywhere else. I'm pretty sure CWCki isn't intended to be a dump-all for CWC-related art. That's what [[ED]] (lol) and [[DeviantArt]] are for. And the torrent.
#Lastly, is it really necessary to keep the userpages of vandals like [[User:Sean Connery]] and [[User:CWCki is Communism]]? Couldn't we just delete them and then block them from re-creation?
--[[User:Whoreos n' Milf|Whoreos n' Milf]] 20:14, 6 October 2009 (CEST)
:*Not to be rude, but allow me to answer some of these:
:#I'll think about it. There's already a lot of admins/jerkops and most of them really don't need to do anything, even in a case of vandalism.
:#Just use the regular deletion tag, that works fine.
:#I think most people are good about vanity images. If there's someone who abuses this, an admin or jerkop can say something.
:#The whole idea of the Fan index is to provide a place for people to display their Sonichu/Chris related fan art where people will notice it (as opposed to being drowned in a sea of Sonic recolors on DeviantArt) since PVCC has closed account registration and that's where most people would go to post their fan art. Ideally, we should find ways to incorporate fan art into articles.
:#Eh, it's a good way to shame them. If it gets to be a problem, we'll delete them then.
:Okay, that's all I can think of for now since I need to get some sleep. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:56, 11 October 2009 (CEST)
::*On the note of number 5, I think posting a message saying "BANNED" like we have is sufficient. It's not necessary to make a tribute like [[ED]] or a [http://wiki.patrioticnigras.org/wiki/User:Lolatthefactyouthinkyoucanstopme total Arc De Fail like we do on the Patriotic Nigra Wiki.]--[[image:spinningwindmill.gif|30px]] [[User:Anon1Guardian|DrSerbia]][[image:datass.jpg|40px]] 05:06, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

==Resource Leak==
I could be wrong, but it seems that thumbnails aren't auto-generated. Rather, they are stored server-side for use in a page. The problem is, the thumbnails are horrible space wasters.
[[:Image:Soldier of Love and Honesty.png|This image]] is 11.4kb, however, the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcki/images/thumb/b/b9/Soldier_of_Love_and_Honesty.png/200px-Soldier_of_Love_and_Honesty.png 200px thumbnail] is 77.6 kb! This seems to be caused by the severe artifacting of the white background in the thumbnail. I don't know if there's anything you can do about this, but I thought I'd let you know. The original image could actually be trimmed to a 200px width without losing any of the art itself. --[[User:Whoreos n' Milf|Whoreos n' Milf]] 23:00, 17 October 2009 (CEST)
*yeah, it's an issue with the image library we're using. i don't think there's really anything i can do about that, but i wouldn't worry too much, we should have more than enough space to accommodate thumbnails. i really do wish we could use imagemagick, though, so we wouldn't have this problem... --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 23:13, 17 October 2009 (CEST)

==Destin==
I made a mistake and misread Destin's edits. I have already apologized to him. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 11:13, 24 October 2009 (CEST)

== My Ban ==

First things first, I suppose. I'll say that I do feel kind of bad about how I reacted to your claims yesterday, Ms. Dev. My reaction was unncessarily aggressive, and I certainly could have defended myself in a much more appropriate way. So, I'm sorry. I apologize for my unruly response and my claim that you and your co-mods had failed.

However, I'm not quite finished with what I have to say. I find it kind of asinine that you banned me, and ''then'' you came to my discussion page to apologize to me. While I would like to accept your apology, doing that makes it awful difficult for me to take your apology seriously. I accept FS's, and I would accept Champ's, too, if he gave one (though he doesn't really have much to apologize for), but that's because they didn't go ahead and ban me before apologizing.

That said, I think your reaction to ''my reaction'' is fairly ridiculous, too. You make little sense, and I think you merely banned me because you didn't like being told off. You claim that this Wiki is to document Chris, not mock him? Straight from the article entitled "A Quick Guide to CWCki":

"So, you wish to edit the wiki on the Internet's most beloved and most hated autistic manchild?"

This isn't mocking? After reading that, I clicked the "random page" button twice, and I ended up on the page called "CWCipedia", and found the sentence "CWCipedia also serves as the ultimate test of the use of MediaWiki software and software usability, in which it strives to create a platform that even a autistic manchild/lazy fuck can easily use." After reading something like that, I think it's an exceptional load of crap that you're trying to act like this site is designed to document him. It's designed to have laughs at his expense, and you know damn well that it is.

And why should you care if ''I'' bash him, anyway? After, I'm merely adding to the humor of the site and doing what I'm encouraged to do in the "Quick Guide" section named "POV is the norm" where it says:

"CWCki's guide is to document the Internet phenomena of Chris-chan for troll purposes. Given that the manchild has clearly shown to be racist, homophobic, and just plain perverted, not to mention he proclaims himself to be some sort of celebrity, it's only fair he gets the negative criticism that comes with being a celebrity.

So go ahead, bash him."

As I've pointed out, you don't stop anyone else. In fact, you encourage them. Well, in all fairness, I won't repeat the mistake that you made with me, and, as a result, I won't claim that you wrote that, considering that the history of the page seems to suggest otherwise. But... you don't seem to mind your co-moderators writing it in as a policy for ''your Wiki''.

Anyway, I made a Chris-bashing edit to a page (which no on else deemed irrelevant enough to have it removed), and, after a load of drama, I'm in the wrong for making that edit? That's horse shit. On top of claiming that you're not here to mock him (which I've already refuted, as far as I'm concerned), you say that I should make more relevant edits. That's also horse shit. I have no obligation to you to make edits how ''you'' see fit. You put people under no obligation to edit the things you want editted whom simply read the Wiki and lurk. But, when people come along, and stop lurking for a bit to add to the humor of the site, they automatically become your minions? That's bullshit. I have no more or less obligation to you than the average lurker; you don't pay me, you don't give me ''exceptional'' priveleges, and I don't want you to do either. I just want to have some fun here and enjoy the site, and my enjoyment doesn't seem to have detracted from the goal of the Wiki in any way. CWCki really isn't serious business, and I'm sure you don't need me to explain that to you. So... I fail to accept the idea that my edit was not acceptable by your Wiki's standards. As I said earlier, I think you're just making stuff up to justify banning me for telling you off.

All-in-all, my point is this: on top of the fact that your reasons for banning me seem to be either petty, hyprocritical, or both, you're also not going to stop me from making edits to your Wiki by banning me. I'm not even writing these from my normal residence. Plus, there are plenty of proxies, and there are many of other places I can go to get new IPs and make edits, if I so desire. So... we can come to terms on this, and move on, or we can keep playing the pointless ban game, and, well, I'm done rambling here for now. It's your turn to play.

D-Dizzle, fa reeeeel
--[[User:RevengeOfTheDestinMan|RevengeOfTheDestinMan]] 21:01, 24 October 2009 (CEST)
*well, three things to note, then:
# [[CWCki:CWCki_is#CWCki_is_not_ED]]. we aren't here to mock, we're here to let chris speak for himself.
# as you said, it's my wiki. so, i determine what is acceptable and what is not. i didn't have a problem with you, until you decided to disregard my advice, and told me that you'd continue making what are ultimately pointless edits. i don't like making things into serious business, but when you start being deliberately annoying, then we have a problem.
# i won't look around for any new accounts you make on proxies, but i will be banning this one for ban evasion. you were banned for being a faggot. sure, we made a mistake, so you tell us so. you don't "tell [us] off" if you "just want to have some fun here". if you want your first account unbanned, do something to impress champthom and then ask him nicely
so long as you aren't being a vandal or a faggot, we won't have any further problems. now stop acting like you have any rights around here, it's my site and i'll do whatever the fuck i want to do --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 21:52, 24 October 2009 (CEST)
*
# You and I both know that this one isn't true. That's why this Wiki exists while CWCipedia exists. In fact, I remember reading about that somewhere on this site, probably on the CWCipedia page, but I don't care enough to wave it in your face, because we all know that this was made so Chris ''wouldn't'' get to always have his say. ...Quit trying to pass this off as some noble effort.
# I disregarded your advice because it was unwarranted. You have no ''logical'' grounds (though powertrip grounds may apply) to expect some random person to edit things pages that you want them to. Also, as I said, you defy logic by only seeming to care when ''I'' make minor edits, and never when anyone else does. Anyway, why the hell would I want to make major contributions when I get bitched at for making meager efforts? And... as for me being deliberately annoying... honestly? I was refuting the accusations of you and two other moderators. Is it really so annoying to point out that you guys made a mistake? Or was it my irritated tone that was so annoying (and that only occurred once)? Now, I can be a real son of a bitch asshole fucktard vandal if I want to be. I won't. I'm not that way, so I'll spare you and your mods the tedium of chasing through articles to fix edits, but you find me (though angrily) telling you that you were wrong in accusing me to be annoying? Yeah, I guess maybe it ''is'' annoying to realize that you made a mistake, and that this person isn't being totally pleasant with you about it, but there are ways to deal with annoyances (especially fairly minor ones) that are far more logical than banning the person responsible. Yes, I know you have the grand power to kick people off of your Wiki, but, again, I ask that you consider this in ''logical'' terms, where banning people for minor annoyances makes for a tense community. Now, since we've already discussed your amount of power, I suppose you can have a tense community if you really want one, but I doubt you really do want that, and you're only making things worse by the way you keep acting about this. I was hoping you wouldn't react like this to my post here, but... you do make things ever so complicated for both of us....
# 'sure, we made a mistake, so you tell us so. you don't "tell [us] off" if you "just want to have some fun here".' As I thought I made clear, I'm sorry about "telling you off". There's no need to bring that up any more. I'm sorry about it. Chiding me more for it doesn't make me any more sorry. I admit that that was my mistake. However, I think you're confused if you think I was doing it to have some fun. When I was talking about having fun here, I was talking about my edit to the video. I don't bitch at people for fun. Well... maybe... but not in this case. And, yes, you're right. I have no rights here. However, I merely suggest that maybe you treat people as though they do have some rights. It's just a suggestion. It makes your place more enjoyable for everyone, though maybe you don't care about that so much. Once I get back to my normal residence, though, I can easily circumvent your system without you ever realizing. And, in spite of all your hateful rage and rights-denying, I can actually become a valid member of your Wiki (if I actually wanted that). Hell, I could become your best friend if I really wanted to. Imagine that! Me and you, total pals! What a tight-knit posse we could make! Oh, the adventures we'd have! Games of kickball at the park. Tossing a frisbee in a field! Raiding caves for secret treasure! Why, we'd be like Bonnie and Clyde (Cash). Really, imagine that! That's how close we could get, without you ever realizing (though... don't take this the wrong way; I worry that I'm starting to sound like Chris). You get my point... well... assuming you understand that these sentences are drenched with sarcasm. So, yes, do as you please, but your efforts to ban me are pointless, and I really think it's very much in your benefit to act a bit more rationally here, because I really don't think that continuing to ban me and chide me is going to make you look better. I mean... banning me for ban evasion of a ban that I didn't deserve in the first place doesn't really make sense. Please, just think about it a bit. G'day, ma'am. --[[User:MoreDestination|MoreDestination]] 22:29, 24 October 2009 (CEST)
*Sweet Jesus, why didn't you just let it go. Now you are starting some talkpage war over a privately owned wiki about a retarded manchild cause you disagree about how a misunderstanding was handled. Do you want to edit or not? You either edit here and have fun with us or fuck off. Most people find the process pretty simple: Document Chris while being factual yet snarky. Is that so hard? --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:40, 24 October 2009 (CEST)
*There's subtle mocking which is what we do, versus outright "DO IT FOR THE LULZ" sort of mocking ED does. CWCki is relied upon moreso than ED because we don't so much go out of our way to be funny, we focus more on documenting and in documenting Chris, we mock him by pointing out his personal flaws and how fucked up he is. It's a different sort of humor.
:Really, people (and I'm addressing this not just to Destin but everyone reading this), if you ever feel angry about something on CWCki, shut off your computer and take a walk or at least play a game or something like that. Then remind yourself you're getting angry over a wiki about an autistic manchild.
:If this is over the "Jew" thing in [[I Love You Kacey]], I'll tell you what I object about it - it is making a misleading transcript to make a nod at someone. If Chris actually said "Jew," that's alright and yes, Chris does have a tendency to slur "you" so it sounds like "jew" because he's attempting to say "you' in a cutsy way. But that's kinda overdoing it. Maybe if Chris actually says Jew, then it'd be an appropriate nod - it's like how there's an Anonymous quote which the link of Anonymous links to our [[User:Anonymous|beloved #1 user]] (seriously, he's the only dude who registered before me but after cogs).
:Words of wisdom - don't mess with cogs, anyone who knows her well like I do would advise similarly. Ultimately, it's her website and she has the final say. I don't always agree with cogs but I do respect her decisions as founder and I generally avoid trying to undo what she does because that would set a bad precedent. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:15, 25 October 2009 (CEST)
:*Okay, I forgot about Fuckingstupid saying he made a mistake. I've made a similar mistake too before about accusing someone for a bad edit. It happens, we're only human. But really, don't freak out - just say "I believe you're mistaken" and show them. Bitching only makes things worse and makes people less sympathetic to your case, even if you are right. In any case, I wanted to air about the Jew thing.
::Likewise, this is in general, let's try and not bite people's head off in letting them know about bad edits. [[Wikipedia:Don't_bite_the_newcomer|This]] is a decent guide at Wikipedia's approach at this sort of thing and I think it's alright. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:22, 25 October 2009 (CEST)
:::*Exactly, I made a mistake and now we are all paying for it. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 01:34, 25 October 2009 (CEST)

*destin, you don't quite seem to understand a simple rule of the internet. i own this website. therefore, any ban i hand out is justified, no matter what you might think. rather than bitching on and on about how it's an unjust ban and evading and so forth, you should instead be accepting the ban as valid and working to correct your behaviour, if you wish to contribute. i've told you already: if you give us something useful, we'll unban you. simple, right? we've discussed this more than enough. any further comments from you will be considered vandalism and reverted. --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 02:05, 25 October 2009 (CET)

:*You should have a ban evasion sub-page so the rest of us don't have to scroll through this tl;dr nonsense lol --15:35, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== Request ==
A friend of mine was interesting in joing the PVCC.
So, can he join?--[[User:Gourmetpickle|Gourmetpickle]] 22:27, 26 October 2009 (CET)
*probably not, i don't know who he is --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 22:59, 26 October 2009 (CET)

== How about all videos in one template? ==

There are 4 or so right now. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 16:56, 28 October 2009 (CET)
*wha...? --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 18:01, 28 October 2009 (CET)

Captain's log, game videos, other vides, music videos, I'm on TV. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 18:14, 28 October 2009 (CET)

:*Sonijew, that's the big plan I was hinting at before when I responded to your complaint over me splitting off the game videos. Have patience! I'm working on just such a template piece-by-piece! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 18:42, 28 October 2009 (CET)

== Hi, regarding renaming/recategorizing pages ==

[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009]] should be [[Gaybian videos]] and in Clyde Cash videos. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 08:27, 31 October 2009 (CET)

And the similar thing for [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 23rd, 2009]] too. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 08:46, 31 October 2009 (CET)

:*I'll see what I can zap up for ya... :3 [[User:Llort|Llort]] 19:19, 31 October 2009 (CET)

[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009]] is no Captain's Log too. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 16:42, 3 November 2009 (CET)

==Re; player plugin==
[[Image:Awesome micro.png|Awesome]], I'll get to work on gathering clips and putting together a tutorial page. --[[User:Whoreos n' Milf|Whoreos n' Milf]] 15:35, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== Cogs ==

Ahoy, I want to finally join PVCC in the interest of gathering more information to help me write moar CWCki, and I figured you were the one to pester about how to go about doing this. --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 23:10, 7 November 2009 (CET)
*Unless account activation just ''happens'' to be totally deactivated which I now notice at the top of the page. FML --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 23:12, 7 November 2009 (CET)

==Succession template==

The changes that you made to [[Template:Succession]] caused existing instances of the template to stop functioning properly. I tried a couple times to remove what looked to me to be redundant or erroneous code, but I still couldn't get the template working again. Do you think you might be able to fix whatever went haywire? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:56, 10 November 2009 (CET)
*check the template page. previously, the parameters weren't named, it decided which was which based on its number. if you want to save time, i'd recommend using the template in a new template and set the prevlink and nextlink parameters as {{{1}}} and {{{2}}} respectively - that way, you won't have to enter all the parameters every time, just enter {{NewTemplate|Previous Article|Next Article}} and it'll be fine. --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 11:20, 10 November 2009 (CET)

==I have a Question==
Is it true you're a girl?--[[User:Sonichuistehcool|Sonichuistehcool]] 23:30, 20 November 2009 (CET)
*If you look inside your heart, you will find the answer. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:53, 21 November 2009 (CET)

I have one too: Who is the Sysop on Cwcipedia? Is it you? --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 23:56, 20 November 2009 (CET)
*Cogs and myself share Sysop privileges but I only intervene when necessary, such as when she posted a card image that only a troll would have had access to, since it came from the leaked [[Scrapbook of Fail]] or when I recommended that Chris do a heart level thing (which a CWCkipedian came up with) or when I moved a message Cogs posted to the top since Chris is a lazy ass who wouldn't see it at the bottom. But otherwise, yeah, it's cogs 99% of the time. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:47, 21 November 2009 (CET)
**I think Champthom and Cogsdev are a pretty brave guy, ethy wade through unfiltered Chris everyday and dosen't afaraid of insanity.--[[User:Sonichuistehcool|Sonichuistehcool]] 03:53, 21 November 2009 (CET)
**clyde has access too, he's been helping with the mailbag shit --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 22:13, 21 November 2009 (CET)

== [[My big 18th party (story)]] ==

Could you please remove the (story) from this title? There's no need for it. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 05:15, 3 December 2009 (CET)
*Oh, and please to be moving [[R.L.Stine]] to [[R.L. Stine]]. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 17:22, 3 December 2009 (CET)
:*Mucho grassy ass. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 23:48, 3 December 2009 (CET)

== Sig. Images ==

Do you know if there's a way I can make my little image after my signature automatic without typing the code after every signature? Let me know if you know how or who I should talk to. --[[User:Anon1Guardian|Anon1Guardian]] 23:28, 5 December 2009 (CET)[[Image:anonlaugh.png|50px]]
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Encyclopedia_Dramatica:Help/Markup#Customized_sigs ED has some info on customizing sigs] --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 20:20, 6 December 2009 (CET)

== Taxpayermoney ==

You did realize my edit to {{tl|Taxpayermoney}} was to remove a redlinked category, right? I have since made the category, so we both win. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 07:12, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*huh? the purpose of my edit was to remake the whole template in wikitext, you made the edit after i started editing but before i hit submit. also what's up with [[Template:tl]], you link to a template like this:

<nowiki>[[Template:Taxpayermoney]]</nowiki>
i think i added that template because some weird wikipedia template depended on it. oh well, guess i'll leave it there, don't want to break anything
--[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 06:25, 11 December 2009 (CET)

==Problem with page titles==
Some people are complaining about page titles, like apparently they've suddenly broken. For instance, Pokemon (with the dash over the e) suddenly turned into '''PokÃ©mon.''' Same deal with Regime Fil Aimes. Sounds more like a technical MediaWiki deal, any idea what's going on? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:32, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*probably a database error. i imagine it has something to do with unicode, so maybe it should be policy to only use ordinary characters(i.e., no accents) in page titles? --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 06:29, 11 December 2009 (CET)
**If that's going to be a problem, be sure to change [[Naïve]] --[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 07:20, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*Since this is old news, I removed the brackets from the word 'PokÃ©mon,' to get it off the "Wanted Pages" list. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 23:49, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

== Proofreading ==

Any chance we could organize some sort of proofreading drive? I've noticed far too many typos and grammatical errors in the articles, not to mention bad wiki formatting. (For instance, the proper way to bold the text at the start of an article is <nowiki>'''like this'''</nowiki>, but most articles have it <nowiki>[[like this]]</nowiki> instead.) [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 08:03, 11 December 2009 (CET)
*With authority granted to me by my admin powers, I hereby dub you Head Grammar Nazi in charge of The Final Solution to addressing the grammar problem on CWCki. [[:CWCki:Operation Grammatification]] is yours to do with as you will to organize a proofreading drive. You have also been cleared for Super High Priority on the [[:CWCki:Priority Listing|priority list]].

:Also, what's the dillio with the bolding? I mean, if you're referring to the article name, you can do that because 1) it's the article itself and 2) it saves a few bits because it takes one less character to do it and 3) it works. Perhaps our resident [[User:Wwwwolf|wiki <strike>pedo</strike> wizard]] can clear it up. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:25, 11 December 2009 (CET)

:*Proofreading drive?! To me, that's virtually pornographic. ''Definitely'' fap-worthy. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 08:48, 11 December 2009 (CET)
*I created [[CWCki:Operation Grammatification]]. Care to help me shill it? [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 19:17, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*P.S. Do I need to be a jerkop to have pagemove rights? [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 19:32, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:**I will gladly assist you, good sir. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 21:03, 11 December 2009 (CET)
*can people please stop using html for tables? wiki tables exist for a reason, please [http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Table learn to use them] --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 02:18, 12 December 2009 (CET)

== Re: PVCC logo ==

Here's a link to the PVCC logo in illustrator format.[http://www.4shared.com/file/137811560/b1a824eb/PVCClogosmall.html] It's free use(libre) if that wasn't already implied, sorry for taking so long to respond, har. Drop me a message if you want anything else vectorized or whatever. --[[User:Ror|Ror]] 19:52, 15 December 2009 (CET)

==Steam==
Do you manage the Steam PVCC user group, and if so, are there any requirements to join? --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 12:43, 27 December 2009 (CET)

==Emails sent to chris.==
If you are the sysop of cwcipedia, please include my newest email sent to him, on Jan 7. The text can be found on my user page.

==Asperpedia Ad for intro image==
http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/3276/asperpediaad.jpg
Idea:
1. Replace "introduction image"
2. Protect image so can't be replaced or reuploaded
3. Profit
[[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 03:05, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

==Special:ListFiles==
Can you take a look at [[Special:ListFiles]]? The page loads the list of files, but the search function is broken... it worked on the 110MB CWCki, and was really useful. Thanks in advance =) --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 04:34, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
*works fine for me, but i haven't tested it much. what exactly was the problem? --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 15:35, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
**Compare these: [http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Special:ListFiles?limit=50&ilsearch=Schu&title=Special%3AListFiles New CWCki] and [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcki/index.php/Special:Imagelist?limit=50&ilsearch=Schu&title=Special%3AImagelist Old CWCki]. The same files exist on both sites, but one search is pulling up all file names that include the characters "Schu" while the other only pulls up one. And weirdly it's picking the one where the characters exist in the middle of the name, rather than the beginning. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 03:14, 19 January 2010 (UTC)
***that is pretty weird... it doesn't seem to recognise the first character of a search. i'll look this up but i'm not sure what i can do to fix it. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 22:36, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

== My videos ==

I'm not sure if you'll want these or not; but if you're recording everything Chris dose then you may want the videos I've posted on my user page.

If not you should check 'em out anyway... I find it funny how Chris thinks every voice he can do is better than ours.

http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/User:Jester

==Implement Database CGI for listing Chris's Videos?==
I have come under the impression that the [[List of Videos|list of Chris's video ]] is starting to become crowded, and that it's only going to become worse. Moreover, I think that it would be nice if we can have a script that could sort his videos by his date, his performance type, etc.

So I thought that it would be nice if we use a CGI program that could list/sort his videos.

I have knowledge with websites, and I have dealt with CGI programs before. Japanese websites are the best for finding a free CGI database program, which I am able to translate so that it would fit into the CWCki. (if time permits, of course)

But for now, do you agree with this idea?
--[[User:Shogun|Shogun]] 00:58, 2 February 2010 (UTC)
*i thought that's what [[Table of Videos]] was for --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 13:17, 5 February 2010 (UTC)

==Repeat PVCC Registration Attempts==

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I think one reason behind this is because the page has no prompt confirming when you've successfully submitted the request (At least I didn't get one). I had a lot of trouble with the confirmation code and I had no idea I'd got it right until it told me that the name was already in use. I used the same name I used on here, so I figured [[Liquid Chris|someone else]] had taken it. I started trying another name and figured I was just screwing up the confirmation code again until it told me that the other name had been taken. I finally got the hint after that.

TL;DR: I think a prompt confirming that a new account is awaiting confirmation would cut down the repeat registrations. [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 15:16, 5 February 2010 (UTC)
*it's supposed to tell you that your account has been submitted and is awaiting approval. if it isn't, then that's probably the result of errors left over from the move from 110mb. i might just disable registrations entirely and manually make accounts for people if that's the case, since it'll be kind of hard to fix --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 16:41, 5 February 2010 (UTC)

*Yeah, I was registering an account last night, and I accidentally set up 2 profiles! You need to fix that shit Cogs, and undo my permaban.
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 22:28, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

** Honestly when I tried to register, and forgive me if I registerd more than once, I kept getting a message declaring that I had fucked up the confirmation code, hopefully it's just my inability to figure out the PVCC's conifrmations code style.-- [[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 4:56, 7 March 2010 (EST)

it's broken, and i can't be arsed fixing it because it's not like i approve new accounts anyway --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 12:48, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

* Yeah that is true seeing as if you did PVCC would overflow with ED users posting "such marvelous gems of threads" such as "Ivy wuz a blowup doll lol" or some stupid shit lke that.-- [[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 8:08, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

I tried to register, but no response. In the case that you might manually authorise me (or not), I'd like to join PVCC because I've thought up some good trolling schemes and I'd like to put them in to action. If you'd like to hear my ideas or otherwise want to talk to me further, respond on my talk page. [[User:Joe Da Moo|Joe Da Moo]] 21:00, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I just tried registering a little while ago and I got a 500 error or something with no confirmation e-mail. Do you think you could confirm my account, please? I assure you I'm not an ED fag. --[[User:Mezase Master|Mezase Master]] 07:33, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

== Color coding and stuff ==

Two questions:
# I'm trying to reformat the IRC chats, and that includes color coding. What color do you want to be?
# I'd kinda like to sign up for the PVCC. Is it even worth trying?
Thanks a bunch. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:41, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
* well, i don't think there's any particular rules regards color coding, and i don't mind so long as it's easily readable. also, go ahead and sign up for PVCC, we kind of need some new users anyway. just uh, keep in mind i might forget to approve you, and only sign up once(even if it looks like the attempt failed) --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 19:47, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
**I think I signed up twice because I fucked up the Captcha. My bad. :( --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 23:45, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

== Community Portal rename=%3D

Just curious, is it possible to rename Community Portal? I mean, it's a fine name but maybe we should give it something more CWC related? We could solicit some feedback but first I'm wondering if it's possible. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:51, 11 March 2010 (UTC)
* well, that's the default name mediawiki gives it. i was thinking we could do what most other wikis do, and have the community portal be... well, a portal, to other discussion pages about various topics. thoughts? --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 17:38, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

== A small question ==

I want to know, is it possible to add a new "Chris and..." page regarding his lack of knowledge about science or "biologee" at least? It could include "recycling", and how the Sonichu's and Rosechu's biology is not something that could live in any world real or pokemon without becoming extinct in less than 100 years.

P.S. Sorry if it comes out awkward. this is my first post and i'm still not completely used to the format.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 23:25, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

== PVCC Registration ==

Excuse my bothering you via the CWCki but I submitted a registration for the PVCC and I'm just posting here to let you know it's me and not some troll. I was mainly interested in just finding and updating some article citations on the CWCki using posts from the PVCC - some of which currently link to the old PVCC forum. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 19:55, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

I have also submitted a registration so that I can start making good edits to this wki, but I also understand that in the past you've grown to hate a few new members here or there, so I understand if I'm not approved.[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 20:40, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Yet another person who registered in vain. On "CWCki is" it says the CWCki is not a forum. The PVCC should be the forum for CWCkians (I refuse to use the term CWCkipedians). #sonichu is not a forum but a chat room, and /cwc/ seems to be regarded as a lesser community from what I gathered. Is there some sort of elitism in keeping the PVCC locked away from anyone new? --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 05:42, 1 June 2010 (UTC)
*it's not like there's anything worth joining for, it's barely about chris anymore. the reason why nobody new is allowed in is because they wouldn't fit in and it's a pain to deal with people making accounts all the time that will never be approved. regards the cwcki having some sort of forum, i guess the community portal should really be sorted into more of a... well, portal. your edit has been read fully, and your thoughts have been inputed and accepted for better improvement. thank you for your time and efforts. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 00:30, 2 June 2010 (UTC)
*So it's now all in-jokes and such now? Makes me even sadder to be a n00b, then. I'm always late to anything good. Might as well make whatever Chris-related stuff there freely viewable, then, and then have private sub-forums for the in-jokes. As Anonymax said, some citations link to the PVCC.

Also, the Community Portal seems like a CWCki-wide version of the discussion pages, which are meant to be strictly for improving the content of the page. I was looking for a place to intelligently (read: without clowns screaming "Dig up Patti!" and "JULAY!") discuss Chris. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 02:49, 2 June 2010 (UTC)

==Contacting the Wallflower==
In light of Chris dropping her full name on the Cwcipedia, do you think it'd be a good idea to let the Wallflower know that Chris is putting information up on her? It looks like he may even make a full page dedicated to her. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 02:57, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

==Wallflower Policy==

Hi Cogs. Since [[user:Ronichu|newfags]] and [[user:Ronichu|retards]] keep constantly asking about it, I've drafted a section which I've termed "The Wallflower Policy". Can you approve, ammend or reject it for the main Wallflower page? It's at [[Talk:The_Wallflower#Stating CWCki Policy]].

== What is your problem? ==
What are you doing Cogs? What have you got against me? I don't like Chris or Sonichu beyond anyone else here, I don't do any of the furry sex stuff that Sonichu and the others do, and I haven't taken any of this twitter crap onto the CWCki. All I do is fuck around a few minutes day making jokes about killing Sonichu's kids. Why is this necessary? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:00, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
* you fly with the crows, you get tarred with the same brush. or however that saying goes. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 17:05, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
**Is there anything I can do to get that removed? I don't want to cause a big argument on here and I don't want to be involved in the whole Twitter thing if its going to cause all this. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:08, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
***Yeah, I'm with Edward. Anything that can get us started on the road to redemption? My Twitter accounts have been dead for 2 days now (since YawningSquirtleRedux warned me to stay away from them), and my Twitter days are over and done with. --[[User:Alcoholic Legend|Alcoholic Legend]] 17:11, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

== Redirect problem. ==

I can't access any cogsdev.org sites from my home internet. It says there's some sort of redirect problem. Is there anything you can do to fix this?

Thanks a bunch. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 21:28, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
*your IP probably got blocked for spamming requests. wait for your IP to change, and in future, don't use firefox --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 22:40, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
*It's not Firefox to blame. I was using Chrome before I had problems. I suspect it's a rare server error and the page which handles the error message for it causes the large amount of requests. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:14, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
:*Well it's working now. The firefox message mentioned looping requests, but in the future I can use Chrome, if you think that'll help.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:48, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
::*The redirect loop is probably how the server handles blocks. I'm still unsure as to why there is a mass of requests being sent to the server - apparently before we encounter the redirect loop. I ended up blocked due to request spam - and I wasn't using Firefox. --01:53, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

== sorry about rolling back that edit ==

chrome decided it didn't want to redraw itself anymore --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 17:12, 20 May 2010 (UTC)

== I beg forgiveness ==

I will pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. I understand what I must not do. This will carry over into future operations and circumstances. What can I do to prove my loyalty to the motherland?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:44, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*quit bein a fag --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 08:48, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**understood.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:50, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

== About deleting that template ==

I know what I did really lacked good judgment and I apologize for acting like an idiot. I should have waited for an admin's opinion before doing anything. If you give me back my jerkop status, I can guarantee such thing will not happen again. --[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 15:46, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
* ask champthom in a week or so, tell him i said you could have your jerkop status back then --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 16:26, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
:*OK, thanks.--[[User:Jerkop|Jerkop]] 16:29, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

==My case for keeping Afternoon around==
I hate to bother you, but I think it's only fair that you hear my defense of ''Afternoon'' before it gets axed. I really don't think it fits any of the criteria you define as bad fanworks. It's not my attempt at rewriting ''Sonichu''; I don't retread any of the plot. Kitty isn't an original character. I know that she acts wildly out of her original characterization in my story, but that's true of most fanwork. Even the great ''Sonichu is Dead'' had the title character behaving completely different from how Chris writes him. And Kitty isn't my fursona; I'm not a furry and I have no fursona. I know I've semi-jokingly described her as a bit of a Sue in past, but I just meant that she was fun to write. ''Afternoon'' isn't some kind of power fantasy; it's just about torturing Chris's least popular characters for the amusement of the readers. If you still think it's not relevant to the wiki or that Chris's own role in it isn't big enough, I'll respect your decision and take the thing elsewhere. I just wanted you to hear my side of the story. --[[User:Manwithoutabody|Manwithoutabody]] 03:33, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

==I need something answered...==
Chris has been very quite lately. So I want to do something to piss him off and get him back on [[Youtube]]. Something so original, not even the [[Clyde Cash|King of Trolling]] himself could of thought up. So here is the big question: What hasn't any troll done or would think of doing that would effect Chris to the point of yelling at a camera?

[[User:Galaxyguy159|GalaxyGuy159]]
*First of all, sign your posts properly. It's 4 tildes (~) after your post. Secondly, this is not a trolling site. This is a site to document Chris' actions. If you want a trolling base, go elsewhere. Finally, if there were something someone thought of to get Chris back, they would either A: Execute the plan him/herself, B: Give the plan to a more experienced troll, or C: Give the plan to a trusted FA. Any way you look at it, the plan wouldn't be put on a wiki and it wouldn't be given to an inexperienced member, which includes not only you, but almost everyone on this wiki (e.g. me). [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 18:35, 2 August 2010 (PDT)
:*The above is FACT. Also, the best trolls don't plan on trolling. Asperchu was just a couple of oneoffs, for instance, and Liquid never imagined things would get as big as they did. If you want my tip, TRY things. People will call you a faggot, but that's because until something works all plans SOUND retarded because nobody aside from Chris would ever fall for them. So, in short, DO IT FAGGOT, don't be afraid to try things but don't fuck with other trolls plans, and lurk more. And... Yeah. This isn't a trolling place, only for documenting, so take your questions elsewhere in the future. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 18:50, 2 August 2010 (PDT)

== Favicon ==

Cogs, any way we could get a favicon for the CWCki? Like, maybe a brown and yellow Pokeball? We can solicit suggestions from users, but it'd help to ask you first if that's something you could do.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:54, 23 August 2010 (PDT)

== CWCipedia archive ==

*As I am dealing with the 110mb external links, I found that this archived version of CWCipedia includes unreverted vandalism on March, such as those on the [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_51 mailbag] pages, is it supposed to be so? Regards, [[User:Nechita|Nechita]] 02:48, 24 August 2010 (PDT)

== PVCC registration ==

I know that many people are being annoying by reregistering, but you really shouldn't completely disable registration, as there are some people (including me) that would be a good addition to the forum that are shut out by this. Not sure if the forum software allows for this, but maybe you could disable registering more than once per person (possibly by ip adress and/or cookies?) [[User:Sodahollic|Sodahollic]] 14:40, 25 September 2010 (PDT)
*Registration of accounts is done on a basis of time spent hanging around IRC and your behavior there, contribution to the CWCki, or at the discretion of the forum admins. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 16:16, 25 September 2010 (PDT)

== What? ==

My parents are divorced..so yeah, I live in ND some of the time and VA the rest...though it is true that I no longer work at Wal-Mart (as of about 3 weeks ago).
--[[User:Kitsune|Kitsune]] 13:41, 23 December 2010 (PST)

==Denouncing past faggotry==

Hello Cogs, long time no see. I just wanted to apologize for this past drama involving Legi0n and other sites I would rather not get into. I've had some time away from the CWCki to rethink my poor choices in judgement, and I just wanted to say that I'm willing to get off to a fresh start to benefit this site, as well as its users. I cannot promise anything to you, but the most I can do is try so that nothing like what I caused in the past ever happens again. I am sincerely sorry, and I will do my best to stay out of everyone's way in the future. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 09:33, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Metal Gear

2011-02-10T16:58:03Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|p03W5ElzdGI}}</center>
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris [[Don't Mess With Me|using CQC]] on [[Clyde Cash]] while wearing the [[Chris and fashion|Red-Blue Stripe]] camoflage]]
[[Image:Torture.jpg|thumb|right|"We live in a sad age. [[YouTube]], [[PSEye]]s, [[For Julie's Eyes Only|leaked]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|videos]]... [[1990s]] [[Internet]] had its share of [[trolls]], but at least they had no streaming video. Internet today makes things too easy."]]

Being that '''''Metal Gear Solid''''' is [[Clyde Cash|so cash]], and many veteran [[trolls]] emerged from the depths of [[4chan|/v/]] (where [[Fapcup|wanking]] to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] is mandatory), several ''MGS'' references have emerged. Even [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has made some possibly unintentional nods to the franchise. [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] has also proclaimed her love for [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Liquid Snake]].

==Allusions made by trolls==

[[Image:Maryleewalshpatriot.png|thumb|The picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh|Big Dean]] featured in the "Good Fan Art" article at [[CWCipedia]]]]
* [[The Miscreants]] are an obvious [[parody]] of [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#The Patriots|the Patriots]], except while the Patriots specialize in (con)trolling the world, the Miscreants' main field of interest involves manipulating and monitoring the [[saga|sagas]] and events of a certain [[Chris|autistic manchild]].
:The Miscreants' codenames all go along the lines of, "The (x)". This is a nod to ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3|Metal Gear Solid 3]]'', where one must face [[Blanca|The Pain]], [[Sarah May|The Fear]], [[Ivy|The End]], and [[Julie|The Fury]].
* "Liquid Chris" was the codename for [[CChanSonichuCWC]], noting that [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]] was Solid Snake's genetic twin and enemy who had inherited the recessive genes of their father Big Boss and was therefore led to believe himself inferior, with the irony being that Liquid Chris excelled in everything Solid Chris does.
* Chris's appearance resembles Big Boss in the fan comic "Sonichu Finale".
* [[Wild Sonichu]] was crafted into a Solid Snake lookalike for a scene in episode 7 of ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'', where he has sex with a cardboard box before breaking into 4-Cent_Garbage.com's HQ.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] goes by the e-handle "Liquid Snake".
* Some of [[User:Lime/Clyde vs. Chris: Day by Day|Clyde's messages to Chris]] contain footage from the series.

==''MGS'' and Chris==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|left|Big Boss appeared in ''[[Sonichu 8]]'', but was mauled by faggotry]]
[[Image:KNOWTHEDIFFERENCE.JPG|thumb|[[Sonichu 8|It really could]]]]
*[[LittleBigPlanet#Metal Speed Solid|Metal Speed Solid]] is one of the ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' levels made by Chris. Yes why, it's really bad.
* Gecko and Mantis are shown as chefs in [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. While physically deformed [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|mutants]], their names are reference to the [[troll]] Gecko Mantis, who got his name from the elite bio-mechanical robot originating from ''MGS4'', and Psycho Mantis, a psychic soldier appearing in ''MGS1'' and briefly in ''MGS4''.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was portrayed similar to Big Boss, with brown hair, a headband and an eye patch. For a while, it was assumed that Chris browsed /v/ for three seconds, saw a Big Boss picture and decided it was close enough, despite Big Boss and Liquid Snake (Jason's e-alias) being radically different characters. Later, Jason revealed that Chris saw an old picture of him with an eye patch on [[Myspace]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY A Jason Retrospective Part 2]</ref>; which makes a bit more sense, as Chris wouldn't go near any place as [[alcohol|drunky]] or [[Tobacky|smokey]] as /v/.
* Wild sneaks into the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] company headquarters, which is apparently full of empty red corridors. Chris may be making a subtle joke at ''Metal Gear Solid'''s typical bland military bases. Or, far more likely, he is too [[Stress|stressed]] to include enemies, or details. {{clear}}

==Notes==
Christian has purchased ''Metal Gear Solid'' from the [[PSN]]; however, he most likely has not touched it because he's too busy playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' or ''Wheel of Fortune'' and the fact that [[Sonichu Special 4|sneaking behind enemies instead of attacking them head-on]] is too stressful for him.

Also of note, ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots|Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots]]'' is not listed as one of the best PS3 games according to Chris, even though it has sold over five million units, making it the best-selling PS3-exclusive title to date.

==See also==

[[File:Chuhoundlogo.jpg|thumb|The [[True and Honest]] ChuHound logo]]

*Les Enfantes [[Autistic|Autiste]]:
[[Solid Chris]] | [[Liquid Chris]] | [[Solidus Chris]]
*Operation [[Duck]] [[Homos|Eater]]:
[[Bob Chandler|Big Boss]]/[[Nudes|Naked Chris]] | [[Barbara Chandler|EVA]]/[[Obesity|Big Mama]] | [[Mary Lee Walsh|The Boss]] | [[Greene County Conspiracy|The Philosophers]] | [[Monthly Tugboat|The Philosopher's Legacy]]
*[[Chaotic Combo|ChuHound]] [[Honor Roll|Special Ed.]] Group:
[[Joshua Martinez|Revolver Jocelot]] | [[Magi-Chan Sonichu|Psycho Chantis]] | [[Silvana|Dickgirl Octopus]] | [[Flame the Sunbird|Flaming Raven]] | [[PandaHalo|Sniper Panda]]
* [[White Knight|Philanthropy]]:
[[Bill the Scientist|Dr. Hal Emmerich]]/[[Anime Mid-Atlantic|Otacon]] | [[Sandy Rosechu|Sandy Gurchukovich]] | [[Allison Amber|Nastasha Romanenko]] | [[Ching Chong|Mei Ling]]

*Locations:
[[CWCville|Outer Heaven]] | [[RuleCWC|ZanziCWC Land]] | [[4-cent_garbage.com|Shadow Garbage Island]] | [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Big Shell]]

*[[Daniel Weston|Chris Plissken]]
*[[Man in the Pickle Suit|Cyborg Pickle]]
*[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|FISSION MAILED]]
*[[Random-access humor|I NEED SCISSORS! 61!]]
*[[Son-Chu|Metal Gear CWC]]
*[[Crackder|Metal Gear IBA]]
*[[The Miscreants]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri5sRCd-LNs METAL LOVE SOLID 3: STRAIGHT ANGER]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdhYYH1_5SQ CWC 4 - Puns of the Patridiots]

[[Category:Video Games]]

CWCki:News

2011-02-10T16:12:23Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

__NEWSECTIONLINK__
{{Community Portal}}

This page is for discussion of da latest update.

== Flipnote Hatena return ==

So... how many <s>days</s> <s>hours</s> minutes before he's banned? --[[User:SeventhBase|SeventhBase]] 04:57, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
:Well, they've been up for almost 12 hours now. He must have flown under the mod's radar. That's going to change since we're now aware of this development. --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:04, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

And will we get many more badly drawn, idiotic animations? Also what is the general opinion of what we want to happen here? Do we want to report him so he will get banned again and rage, or do we want to see where he goes with this? -- [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 05:02, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
* Already reported his water maze dream. May as well to be perfectly honest. Besides, I don't think we'll get anything new, and I would love to see him rage about Flipnote Hatena Moderators for banning him because he is BAwwwwwtistic. Jump on the Pickle train, destination, Chris. [[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 02:33 25, July 2010 (UTC)

Knowing how fast Chris got banned from Flipnote Hatena(what was it, a week or two before he got perma-banned?), it will probably be even shorter. I mean, does he seriously think he can get back on and no one will notice? He's a real tool if he thinks Trolls aren't going to mess with him or report him, and an idiot if he thinks that the Moderators on FH wont notice his shenanigans and kick him right off. Also, how did he get around the ban? He must be using a library computer or something, or bought a new DS just to get around it. [[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 01:37 25, July 2010

SakuraBlossom is posting again. Apparently she had the watery maze dream too. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 06:38, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

:Any chance of a link to her channel? This sounds interesting. -- [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 07:32, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
::*http://flipnote.hatena.com/mobile/9C6792D0F3618798@DSi/ is SakuraBlossom's profile. She gave him a butt-tonne of stars just before. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 15:02, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
:::* Thanks. -- [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 15:58, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

'''Hey guys. Delabonte here. I don't want to have to be the one to point out the obvious but you all have Autism so here goes. How about you not report Chris this time? Haven't you realised that getting him banned from one of his few outlets is completely retarded? I know you think you're achieving something, but you are achieving the wrong thing. Think about it carefully. What was funnier, when he was making these cartoons or when he vanished and did nothing?''' --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 12:04, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

:Thanks for the sorely-needed message (and the protip), but I fear it may be too late as some have already taken the initiative to rat him out. Even without the dumbasses prematurely ending our fun, I'm sure it's just a matter of time until Chris gets HIMSELF in trouble with the mods. In the meantime, let's see if he catches a hold of a certain cherry flower who wants to be his heartsweet. --[[User:SeventhBase|SeventhBase]] 14:09, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
:*As far as we know, he hasn't responded to Sakura aside from in email. Still, it's important he not find out, or he could discover the woman who had the watery maze dream too... That would be a disaster. Also, I do agree; quit reporting him. It's funnier if/when he gets banned because of his own actions. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 15:08, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
::*Anybody who reports Chris is a moron. Also, this means he bought another DSi. And that's just sad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:21, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

Update: Flipnotes previously reported to be taken down are (surprise) back up again. Oh Chris. (Hopefully this time around the trolltards won't do any reporting.) --[[User:SeventhBase|SeventhBase]] 01:53, 27 July 2010 (UTC)

== New tweets ==

Yeah. Chris has tweeted yet again, promoting his Sonichu Modnation crap and asking for ‘5-Star Votes’. No mention of Flipnote or anything related, though.--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 08:02, 26 July 2010 (UTC)

== Where is Chris? ==

It seems like he has been pretty inactive lately. There have been no new updates since July 26th. I wonder what he is doing. What is he up to? Any thoughts?
-Interested bystander 08/10/2010
*Chris is playing [[ModNation Racers]]. He has been for quite a while. Nothing will happen for some time. Same thing happened when he got LBP. Also, you don't have to type your name out and stuff. Just put 4 tildes (~) after your message and it will sign your post for you. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 22:35, 10 August 2010 (PDT)

This quiet spell is killing me, someone go fire a petrol bomb through his house, get some reaction.. anything! If i lived within 3 hours of him, swear to god i'd be there everyday with my camera staking him out. --[[User:Bentduck|Bentduck]] 04:47, 12 August 2010 (PDT)
:*Heh. The thing is... doing stuff that would make anyone RAEG (or at least, respond with huge amounts of emotion and anger) isn't really what's funny. The funny thing is doing [[Miyamoto|something]] [[Liquid|really]] [[Asperchu|minor]] that wouldn't phase anyone else, or would even amuse them, then watching him explode with disproportionate tard rage. There's also this tiny, niggling doubt in the back of my mind that... unless it actually hit Chris's room, or his car, or his parents raged at him for it (therefore inconveniencing him), he honestly wouldn't care. He'd just call it 'sad' or something. Chris really only cares about himself. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:59, 12 August 2010 (PDT)

Maybe Chris is still getting into stupid shit, but we're not seeing it. Maybe he was already banned from FAF for being a creep. We can't know at this point, but the possibility that we're missing out on some heavy shit is pretty frustrating. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 02:28, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

For some reason I am really interested in the whole Chris saga. I find him to be a pretty interesting person. I wish I lived near him so I could actually see him in action or actually talk to him. I tried adding him on facebook but apparently he never checks his facebook anymore. [[User:Interested bystander|Interested bystander]] 12:54, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

I swear this whole 2 year saga is like the best thing on the internet, but even so a lot of it has been dominated by quite spells. Then he'll release a new episode and in a whirlwind of shit and comeuppance he'll find his new sweetheart (I.E. any girl who dares to even acknowledge his existence, besides his mother.). Until then we just got be patient. [[User:Open the udder|Open the udder]] 15:34, 24 August 2010 (PDT)

== Not a forum crackdown ==

Given recent events, I'm starting to get pissed about people who are using CWCki as a forum. Next person to do any of the follow (list not inclusive): posting trolling plans, posting personal comments on videos (like commenting how stupid Chris is), or pretty much '''anything that is not pertaining to improvement of the article will result in temporary bans.''' If you have any questions about this, feel free to contact me. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:58, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
*champ, despite you being the most cwcki leader of all cwcki things, to be honest, you're not doing a very good job of enforcing this. you SHOULD call it a forum crackdown. you should call it Crackdown: The End of All Things: The Movie [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 18:29, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

== He has returned ==

Dry spell officially over? --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 06:05, 27 August 2010 (PDT)

* That has still yet to be seen, but it appears so... I would, however, expect more video's soon in the immediate future given how much Chris has obsessed over his 10 year high-school reunion. When he finds out it isn't going to happen or he wasn't invited, there will definitely be some more videos (either of him crying about how the Greene County School board conspired to keep him out of the reunion, or raging against the school itself for not inviting him). Keep your eyes peeled, this high school reunion whining has the potential to become a saga in itself --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 06:10, 27 August 2010

if not the reunion this "trollbusters" alone could be another ego trip worth laughing at[[User:Mr.moose|Mr.moose]] 09:26, 27 August 2010
==Death of the Beloved PS3==
I don't understand why Chris destroyed his PS3... isn't formating the drive mean he just deleted all the data on the hard drive? I mean I realize he had a ton of shit on there but, now he has to buy a new one when he couldve just started from scratch with his old one... Anyone mind elaborating on this?[[User:Open the udder|Open the udder]] 01:21, 30 August 2010 (PDT)
:This is either a gross overreaction to losing his hard drive (most of the content on which could easily be replaced, such as comics, songs, and purchased content.) or a somewhat extreme attempt at <s>re</s>gaining a social life. It actually reminds me of when I was a kid and I lost one of my Pokemon due to a trading glitch and came to the retarded conclusion that I should just wipe my entire save file. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 12:10, 30 August 2010 (PDT)
:: who knows. my guess is that he will probably buy another one eventually with his tugboat
:::What about the rumors that he was trying to collect a bounty from trolls. [[User:Abyssal|Abyssal]] 22:37, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
::::Rumors and nothing more. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 06:01, 1 September 2010 (PDT)
Speaking of unsubstantiated rumors, I also heard that Chris's PSN is active again. Can anyone confirm? --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 06:32, 1 September 2010 (PDT)

==Chris spotted at Fashion Square...Again.==
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34ueHWOKMh0 The guy who made the FAF vids posted this.]

Any thoughts? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 17:13, 31 August 2010 (EST)

: He looks almost normal. Interesting... -[[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 14:26, 31 August 2010 (PDT)

:Same orange shirt from this weekend's second video. I wonder if he's giving up on the trucker vest. Kind of disappointing, really, in the plain old slacks and a t-shirt he just looks like a garden-variety fat dude. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 14:27, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
::Chris is seriously not aging well. The more normal he dresses, the more obvious his poor health becomes. What I see is a mass of orange filth, and from that mass, four scrawny, sickly limbs have sprouted. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 15:09, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Maybe it's 'cos I live in the South. Take him out of the clown shirt and Chris isn't all that unusual down here. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 16:14, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
The way he's sitting suggests he's "spreading his plumage" just like his Captain Morgan pose with the muscle bra at FAF. He still fucking believes he's the apex of masculinity and women will flock to him if he makes himself visible. Of course, the only thing he's showcasing sitting like that is his gut and man boobs.

Should we add this to the [[Attraction Sign]] page? Same concept, Chris is just getting more and more implicit about it. --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 14:38, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
:He's not becoming more implicit, he's just becoming more lazy about it. Back in 2005, he actually put a tiny degree of effort into his attraction methods. Now he's not even trying anymore. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 15:02, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
:There is no attraction sign in that video. Chris is just lusting after the chick while he sits slumped in the seat, at the height of his glory. --[[User:CaptainCanuck|CaptainCanuck]] 20:46, 31 August 2010 (PDT)

== Jerkops wanted ==

I'm looking for a few new jerkops.

Prereqs:

1) must not be a fag (homosexuals alright, I mean people who are just stupid).
2) must obsessively or at least semi-obsessively monitor the CWCki
3) must have a spine.
4) you must have been editing the CWCki for a while (in other words, I recognize your name).

Being a jerkop ''will not'' get you any special privileges. You will not get privy information about Chris. You will not get to troll Chris. You will probably not get any honor or glory. You will however get a userbox.

Contact info on my userpage.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:58, 7 September 2010 (PDT)

:ME ME ME ME ME ME [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 18:00, 7 September 2010 (PDT)
:*No. Everyone else contact me privately.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:01, 7 September 2010 (PDT)

== Chris mentioned on Atop the Fourth Wall ==

Linkara mentioned ''Sonichu'' and Chris in his latest video "15 Comics I'll Never Review", under the entry regarding webcomics. The Embodiment of the Internet showed up and forced him to review ''Sonichu'', but then settled for a ''Sonic'' comic.

The episode in question: http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html -- [[User:TobyMobias|TobyMobias]] 22:13, 7 September 2010 (PDT)
:I watched it earlier today and I lol'd hard when he mentioned it. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 23:28, 7 September 2010 (PDT)

== Any news on Chris' High School Reunion ==

Hello everyone, I'm mostly a lurker but ever since I found out about this site I couldn't help myself and dig deeper into Mr. Chandler's mind. Chris has been hell bent on trying to go to his high school reunion, hoping to meet his old gal-pals. I've been trying to find anything about Manchester High School on the internet, hoping to find anything about anyone planning a 10 year reunion. From alumniclass.com to facebook, looks like no one is planning anything or seems to care about their high school reunion. I found this on alumniclass.com, but it looks like a troll made this. [http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c381/ShinGokuIAM/Others/MHSClassReunion00.jpg] I'm going to try and keep digging but I doubt anyone cares about this high school reunion. [[User:ShinGokuIAM|ShinGokuIAM]] 07:55, 7 October 2010 (PDT)

== Laser Pointer Shit ==
This post is six months old but it hasn't been mentioned here so I thought it might be worth crossposting.

"I have witnessed Chris Chan in the flesh and he's kind of a running joke at work. He would shine his laser pointer at a woman I worked with in order to get her attention, I guess because she fit his physical criteria, except that she was not boyfriend-free." ''-Komet, Something Awful Forums''

[[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 19:56, 10 December 2010 (PST)

== Is this the end? ==
We haven't heard anything from Chris since November. Unless we somehow find a way to troll him through the PSN, could this be the end of the trolling as we know it? [[User:Tyranogre|Tyranogre]] 22:11, 14 January 2011 (PST)

== Want to see Chris in public ==

Head out to the fashion square mall on a saturday between 3-4. Being the autistic creature of habit he is, he always shows up, with Bob.
[[User:CFA|CFA]] 16:00, 23 January 2011 (PST)CFA

== CWCki captioning side project ==

There's a lot of talented people on the CWCki and since not a lot is going on with Chris, we can use this time to really do something terrific. One thing I think we can work on is assisting our sister project, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] with captioning. I was able to make one for [[MEOW]] and it turned out fine.

Captioning videos isn't too difficult, I used [http://accessify.com/tools-and-wizards/accessibility-tools/easy-youtube-caption-creator/ this] though I hear [http://captiontube.appspot.com/ this] is a good resource as well. You can use CWCki transcripts for the captions and otherwise it's not too difficult.

Helping out with this means that the hearing impaired can now experience the fail that is Chris, in addition to people who want to watch Chris's videos without hearing Chris's voice. This can also lead to translating Chris's videos into other languages.

Participation means getting your name mention in the video description and you'll get a pretty cool user box (TBD). The more you contribute, the cooler user boxes you'll get.

Send your captions (upload them to MediaFire or some site like that) and message them to Abuelita on TheCWCvilleLibrary. Be sure you mention your CWCki name so you can get credit and so I can get you a sweet ass userbox.

I plan on contributing myself, so by all means participate.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:41, 7 February 2011 (PST)
*Just to bring it to your attention, both of those links are the same. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 10:28, 8 February 2011 (PST)
:*NUH-UH.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:54, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I started doing the Chris's DVD videos (just to follow the channel's order), I could translate them to Spanish too.[[User:Cesare|Cesare]] 15:03, 8 February 2011 (PST)
**I should probably say that I did the JenkinsJinkies application video and Hello Juffalo/Downs with the Clowns, just so that nobody else does them a second time. Should we have a separate page cataloging which videos have been done by who? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:07, 8 February 2011 (PST)
::*I wasn't sure if we should make this a separate CWCki project but it might be handy. Post which videos you plan on working on [[CWCki:Caption Crusade|here]]. If you can translate Chris's into Spanish, that'd be great Cesare.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:37, 8 February 2011 (PST)

== Inside the Pickle Suit is canceled ==

Due to lack of interest by relevant parties, the project is canceled. The interview with Ivy will still go on (as we've already paid the seance and the deposit was non-refundable). If you wanna bitch, go to [[IRC]] and bitch to the people who opted out. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:52, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*Though to be fair, the issue of in-character versus out of character discussion, essentially trolls breaking the fourth wall in the theatrics of Chris would be a difficult issue to reconcile .--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:08, 9 February 2011 (PST)

I don't blame them if they don't want to do it. There's no pressure, and I respect the people behind the scenes too much for them to risk giving away personal details or revelations that could end up backfiring on them. Lord knows no one needs to give Chris anything of value(however small), better to be safe than sorry. I say let sleeping dogs lye. --[[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 05:29 10, February 2011 (EST)

Agreed. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:12, 10 February 2011 (PST)

User talk:EdtheHedgehog1894

2011-02-10T16:11:09Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Archive of Faggotry: 

[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894/Archive 1]]

asdasdasd --'''Ed''' 08:10, 10 February 2011 (PST)

User talk:EdtheHedgehog1894

2011-02-10T16:10:21Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Archive of Faggotry: 

[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894/Archive 1]]

asdasdasd --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:10, 10 February 2011 (PST)

User talk:EdtheHedgehog1894

2011-02-10T16:09:29Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: Replaced content with "Archive of Faggotry: User:EdtheHedgehog1894/Archive 1"

Archive of Faggotry: 

[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894/Archive 1]]

User:EdtheHedgehog1894/Archive 1

2011-02-10T16:07:00Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: Created page with "{{protip|CWCki is not ED. Do shit like this and you will be banned.}} == Hey, nigger! == Keep User:niggastolemyfamicom's page. Its better, also yiff in hell..."

{{protip|[[CWCki:NOTED|CWCki is not ED.]] Do shit like this and you will be banned.}}

== Hey, nigger! ==

Keep [[User:niggastolemyfamicom]]'s page. Its better, also yiff in hell. -[[User:Briscoe|Briscoe]] 01:11, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

== What the fuck is going on here? ==

^ --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 01:18, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

second this. some kind of faggy edit war? c'mon guys --[[User:Manzanera|Manzanera]] 01:20, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
:I mean seriously. I rely on the recent changes page to know what's up. What the hell are you guys doing?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:33, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
::I'm not doing anything. It's that butthurt Krapplefag. --[[user:EdtheHedgehog1894|Ed]]
:::Lol Ed's being a dramafag --[[User:Niggastolemyfamicom|Niggastolemyfamicom]] 01:38, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
::::Me? lol wrong. --[[user:EdtheHedgehog1894|Ed]]
:::::U mad? --[[User:Niggastolemyfamicom|Niggastolemyfamicom]] 01:45, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
::::::No just bored :/ . I'm gonna shut up, now. --[[user:EdtheHedgehog1894|Ed]]

== O.K., look ==

First, you're the one who's whining on YT and DA all because someone called you a bad troll. In my opinion, that's not far from the truth. People can have opinions, tough fucking cookies for you, bro. You're now whining about "Krapplefags". You're You and your WINRAR_GROUP post your comic thingy on /cwc/. I'm the main mod there and I even complimented it, although recent events have led my to doubt that you play a very major roll in that, as you are rather incompetent. You felt the need to get some furfag buttbuddy of yours to white knight on CodyJamesBriscoe's video about you. You need to learn that all of this drama YOU'RE causing is stupid. If you post it on the internet, someone else will not like it. That's life. Maybe you need a bit of a break from what you call "trolling.

I almost forgot: yiff in hell, furfag.--[[image:spinningwindmill.gif|30px]] [[User:Anon1Guardian|DrSerbia]][[image:datass.jpg|40px]] 05:04, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
:This. BTW, thanks bro. -[[User:Briscoe|Briscoe]] 15:32, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

::I never posted anything on /cwc/, and I certainly did not get anyone to attack that narcissistic prick. Plus I'm more then willing to say that I am, actually, not a furfag. Yes I own several Sonic games and created a pitiful OC in my image, but that's about it. I am very detatched from that cesspool of a fanbase of his. I do feel, however that you are correct. Perhaps I've been taking this shit too seriously...Listen, I'm gonna GTFO now and I'm probably not gonna come back to CWCki for at least a week are two. I apologize for wasting your time. --[[user:EdtheHedgehog1894|Ed]]
:::I would suggest taking a long hard think about your actions before coming back. Same goes for YT. If you can't change then you need to GTFO and STFO. Really. Your "trolling" on YT is what caused all of this. You take Chris way to seriously. I mean, having enemy lists up and bitching about how he got the [[cwcipedia]] back is pointless. Do you even realize why cwcipedia matters? Chris' own actions are funny enough and should be accepted as lulz. You spend to much time with trolling schemes and actually complaining about chris having something besides a shitty tripod site made with leet CSIII skills.--[[image:spinningwindmill.gif|30px]] [[User:Anon1Guardian|DrSerbia]][[image:datass.jpg|40px]] 05:04, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

:::Protip: don't lie about things you admitted to on popular sites such as youtube. --[[User:Niggastolemyfamicom|Niggastolemyfamicom]] 02:22, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

personally i dont give a fuck as long as the faggotry stops leaking into recent changes. thanks for handling it --[[User:Manzanera|manzanera,]] [[User talk:Manzanera|for your pleasure.]] 02:26, 26 February 2010 (UTC) ps obligatory yiff in hell

::::Goodbye. --[[user:EdtheHedgehog1894|Ed]]

== Get the fuck off ==

You really think that we don't notice? --[[User:Niggastolemyfamicom|Niggastolemyfamicom]] 23:06, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
:See the protip, faggot. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 23:21, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

==Sorted==

Blocked him. If he sockpuppets you, tell me, but I I.P banned him, so you ought to be alright --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 12:25, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
*Thank you. I really appreciate it. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 8:29, 24 April 2010 (EST)

== not sure what the problem is here ==

but to both parties: take your shit elsewhere --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 02:21, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Clydec

2011-02-10T16:01:43Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

2011

2010-12-10T17:17:32Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

[[File:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|left|"ALL Sonichus are [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]
* A new page of [[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]] will finally be released.
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chris immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, he flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2011

2010-12-10T17:04:34Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

[[File:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|left|"ALL Sonichus are [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]
* A new page of [[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]] will finally be released.
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chis immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, Chris flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2011

2010-12-10T17:04:11Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

[[File:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|left|"Sonichu is [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]
* A new page of [[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]] will finally be released.
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chis immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, Chris flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2011

2010-12-10T17:03:37Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]
[[File:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|left|"Sonichu is [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
* A new page of [[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]] will finally be released.
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chis immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, Chris flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2011

2010-12-10T17:03:01Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]

* A new page of [[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]] will finally be released.
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
[[File:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|left|"Sonichu is [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chis immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, Chris flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2011

2010-12-10T17:02:43Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]

* A new page of [[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]] will finally be released.
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
[[File:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|left|"Sonichu is [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chis immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, Chris flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Hair

2010-12-10T16:07:19Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

Already in atrocious physical condition for someone his age, Chris's baldness has made him look creepier and even more like a [[pedophile]] and/or fat, old lesbian. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, and his occasional attempts at crafting a combover haven't helped matters.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. More likely, though, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well; he's a total baldo while only in his 40s.

Naturally, Chris being Chris, he thinks his hair looks just fine. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

[[File:George.jpg|thumb|left|George Costanza: Chris' role model?]] If you were at all surprised to learn that Chris doesn't bother to go to a decent barber, but instead lets his mom cut his hair...well, you're new here, aren't you?[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris will look like by next December.]]

When confronted in the Mailbag ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial.

In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head.

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Troll|or a dude pretending to be one, lol]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service (insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a [[Sonichu]] drawing, where the Spanish side has [[Racism|Sonichu in a sombrero]] (you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZED SOMBREROS).

===Gallery of hair===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[HairDifference]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

United States of America

2010-12-09T15:27:24Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{Quote|Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here!|Chris, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|forgetting the national anthem]].}}
[[File:SonichuFlag.png|thumb|Christian's primary thoughts on the U.S....]]

[[Chris]] is a citizen of the '''United States of America''', a federal democratic republic in North America. The nation is considered the only remaining [[China|superpower]] since the end of the Cold War, and is a leading economic, political and cultural force in the world.

Chris's stance on the nation he lives in is inconsistent at best. While he claims to be a good citizen who loves and respects his country, his [[Twin Falling Towers|actions]] are often [[Chris and Hypocrisy|very obviously]] contrary to these claims.

==Politics==

[[File:Cwcflag1.png|thumb|...Christian's ''other'' thoughts on the U.S...]]

At a glance, Chris's sense of politics seem very inconsistent; on some issues, he takes a very [[Wikipedia:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]] stance, on others a very [[Wikipedia:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] one. While many people have an independent or bipartisan opinion, one has to realize the true nature of Chris's decision-making: that Chris doesn't favor what's good for America, but rather what's good for Chris (and believes that [[Chris and his ego|these two ends are one and the same]]). As such, he's against gay marriage because he hates da [[homos]], and supported [[Barack Obama]] because he saw himself in him, before he accused him of [[Chris and race|selling out the country to brown-skinned people]].{{cite}}

Soon after, he clarified that he [[Mailbag 20#Chris on abortion|supports abortion]], undoubtedly to show his appreciation for [[Women's Rights]]. Another recent political insight is the vague statement [[Mailbag 4|'I agree with gun control']], despite Chris's numerous [[death threats]] and [[Sonichu Special 4|vigilante plans]] that would require a firearm.

Chris proclaims himself to be a "moderate". While typically this simply means not having extreme or overly partisan political beliefs, he takes this as a general-purpose response to all questions about politics, including ones that have no defined middle path. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the [[Mailbags]], where Chris will often dodge giving his opinion on issues ''every'' voter should have an opinion on, simply because ''he has no opinion.''

Chris doesn't react well in situations where he absolutely has to make a choice ([[Julie Reveals Herself|Julie or PSN? A question for the ages!]]), and seems easily persuaded on matters that he doesn't really have a stake on. As a result, he often comes across as a weathervane, just repeating whatever opinion has most recently lodged itself in his head. His changing opinion about Obama is a good example of this, as he has echoed the sentiments from his father, a documentary, and then from his father again, adopting a positive and negative stance based on what he hears; he never really stops to make a summary and decide what points really matter to ''him''.

==Understanding of government==

Chris's grasp of how the government works, much like Chris's grasp on [[reality]] as a whole, is shaky at best. One of the most telling examples of this is his ignorant stance on taxation and [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]]. Because Chris is jobless, he pays no taxes and presumably files no tax returns. However, he still thinks of himself as a contributing member of society, because he pays ''sales taxes'' on the massive amount of crap he buys.

{{Quote|My spending that money ends up going to others who get such welfare and all as well.... I am sharing the wealth with others who are on that tugboat as well.|Chris, [[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever|explaining why he deserves free money]].}}

It's highly unlikely that Chris understands the massive discrepancy between the amount the government pays him and the amount he gives back via sales tax. Chris also fails to understand that sales taxes are collected by state and local governments, while his welfare check comes from the federal government.

Chris also seems to have difficulty understanding what the true purpose of government actually is. The U.S. government's duty is to follow the will of the majority while respecting the rights of the minority, to protect its citizens from danger, and to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation. Chris, however, would like it to become a force for social engineering that would make the most rabid totalitarian shudder. When asked hypothetical questions about what he would do if he were running things, he proposes bizarre sweeping laws that single out [[Homos|certain minorities]] and force individuals into relationships whether they want to be in one or not.

{{Quote|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples, leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All gays would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.|Chris [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|on effective leadership]].}}

The fact that this would not help the country at all, and in fact could possibly destroy society as we know it, does not factor into Chris's thinking. By his logic, since he wants a girlfriend, ''everybody'' must want a girlfriend, and if everybody wants a girlfriend, the government needs to make it happen.

Over the years, Chris has proposed a large number of laws, even sending letters to President [[Barack Obama]] demanding legislation against [[trolls]] and [[homos]]. This is completely useless for two reasons: one, the President of the United States has much more pressing concerns than making an insane manchild in Ruckersville, VA, happy, and two, the US President ''can't make laws''. (Separation of powers and checks and balances in government are concepts Chris has no time for — [[CWCville]], after all, is a hereditary dictatorship.)

Oddly, the closest analog for how Chris views his government is how Chris views his [[religion]]. He treats both the US government and God as things that can be completely ignored unless he has a personal problem, at which point they should immediately step in and help. He believes that both have a deeply vested interest in himself, often at the expense of everybody else. God should damn [[Clyde Cash]], and the FBI should arrest him. It doesn't matter that Clyde hasn't done anything the FBI would be terribly interested in; Chris is mad at him, and that's all that matters.

== Chris on patriotism ==

As established, Chris has a very [[naïve]] view of American politics, and how the federal government operates. Despite these setbacks, Chris has developed a unique brand of patriotism his brings up quite often, usually either in defense of his character or dehumanization of his [[Trolls|enemies]]. As a result, these stabs at jingoism often feel forced or out of place. Chris has utilized this tactic in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], with the iconic "Clarksville Address":

{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring [[Sweetheart]] and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 8|delivering the Clarksville Address]]}}

[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|Chris bastardizing the American flag with his favorite shirt]]

Here, we can see the prime factor in Chris's logic. Namely, that [[Song of Christian|his problems are analogous with the problems of every American]]. Therefore, if [[ED]] satirizes him, they insult all US citizens. This would become something of a recurring theme, with a later [[Do Not Dis C Ville|video]] claiming that any attack on Chris or [[CWCville|his fictional utopia]] was equivalent to mocking any 'C-ville' in America. On a shallower level, it's an obvious ploy for sympathy, a facade of reasonable nationalism that aims to make him the 'good guy', and by extension, [[Jason]] the 'bad guy'. Thus, patriotic symbolism is thrown in, without really even considering whether or not it makes sense in context. Chris is patriotic simply because he believes that's what will win him [[Scale of Respect|respect]] and reprieve.

His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his [[Twin Falling Towers|tendency to mock national tragedies]] and [[Chris and music|complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs.]] If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" end up having the ''opposite'' effect.

However, his bumbling enthusiasm isn't reserved for the USA alone. Like many Americans, Chris has developed a fake lineage of European ancestry, starting from [[Anne Boleyn]], a Queen of England who was executed in 1536. This was almost instantly proven false when her ultimate descendant Queen Elizabeth I, who died in 1603 childless. Then Chris tried in vain to co-opt British, Scottish, and Irish national sentiment in his [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|kilt-clad tirade against Surfshack Tito]] as a means of intimidation. Also, while not a standard country per se, he also evoked his relation to the Cherokee Nation in his infamous [[War Paint Video|armed declaration of war against the trolls]]. Finally, Chris attempts to use the fact that February 24 is Mexico's Flag Day to justify [[Christian Love Day|turning his own birthday into a holiday]], an ''American'' holiday. Note that all of these cases, Chris's total ignorance of other nations means he [[fail]]s spectacularly at representing them and appearing patriotic.
{{-}}

==Chris for President?==
[[File:CWCVilleTrueFlag.png|thumb|...and, what Chris's thoughts on America equate to!]]

In a [[A Public Announcement for Congress|more recent video]], Chris outlined his actions for what he would do if elected president. He declared he would [[Chris and money|cut taxes in half, build "soup hotels", give senior citizens increased funds for medications and special services]], restrict guns to law enforcement personnel only, [[homos|allow gay marriage]], and [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|form a special police force that focuses entirely on capturing internet trolls.]]

Aside from his failure to deliver a good speech, this video also showcases his complete and utter ignorance of how government and taxes work. [[Mailbag 18|Building luxury hotels for the homeless]] and increasing social security for [[Bob|senior citizens]] would cost a fortune to do, yet he also proposes cutting taxes in half, thus also reducing the amount of money the government can spend in half. Given that Chris probably has [[Honor Roll|no knowledge of economics]], he probably just assumes that money can be printed endlessly without fear of inflation (Of course, that's assuming he put any thought at all into his policies).

Chris's restrictions of guns to professionals only is a blatant violation of the 2nd amendment, which allows American citizens to own a gun for protection. While there are certain restrictions on who can own a gun and what type, a flat-out ban on weapons for everyone would no doubt be found unconstitutional. Then again, Chris isn't exactly big on [[Homos|respecting]] [[Alec Benson Leary|the]] [[Megan|rights]] [[Mailbag 31|of]] [[Niggos|others.]]

His departure from his previous stance on gay marriage is surprising ,but then again, he was influenced by a [[Jackie|certain someone]] when he made the video. Despite his decree of equal rights, he does finish up his point by imploring gays to [[Sex tape|"keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody"]]. Meanwhile, straight couples can flaunt their heterosexuality to their heart's delight.

[[File:Idealworld.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's [[CWCville|ideal America]].]]

While taxes, government spending, gay marriage and gun control are all big issues, Chris finishes up his video by proposing his most important change: the establishment of a special "trollbusters" unit of [[Chris and the law|law enforcement]], apparently dedicated to finding trolls who make fun of people online, and incarcerating them. While a cybercrimes unit already exists for the FBI, they spend their time pursuing real criminals like pedophiles and scam artists, not people who make fun of [[Chris|retarded inbred cry-babies]].

The fact that Chris has complained to law enforcement previously, but not seen them do anything about it, leads Chris to believe that it must not exist; [[ego|otherwise they would be spending all their resources tracking down the people who make fun of him]]. The fact that Chris is willing to suspend constitutional rights and spend countless millions to incarcerate people that make fun of him is proof that Chris is neither a Republican, Democrat, or moderate; he's more of a fascist.

TL;DR, Chris's ideal America is an America where he is in charge, the Bill of Rights only applies when he feels like it should, and his birthday is a national holiday. In other words, his ideal America is North Korea.

Kim Il-Sung would be proud!

==See also==
*[[American Rabbit]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

CWCki:General

2010-12-08T04:32:24Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

__NEWSECTIONLINK__

{{Community Portal}}

*[[CWCki:General/Archive 1|Archive 1]]
*[[CWCki:General/Archive 2|Archive 2]]

For discussion that doesn't fit into the other community pages - though do keep it related to the CWCki.

== Anonymax is hereby a CWCki admin ==

Because I am far too [[stress|STRESSED]] to constantly monitor CWCki like I use to, and because the CWCki has gotten larger, I hereby dub Anonymax a CWCki admin. May he use his powers for good, not evil. If you have problems, you can all <strike>stop bothering me</strike> bring your problems to him as well.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:10, 9 November 2010 (PST)
* everyone keep bothering champthom -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 20:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)

== A booru for CWC-related fan art ==

Hi guys. I'm here to ask you a simple question.

There's a site out there that allows you to create a free "booru". A "booru" is an online gallery that anyone of its members can contribute to. Another "booru" feature is tagging: e.g., if you add a "rosechu" tag to all pictures featuring Rosechu; then, if you search for "rosechu", you'll find every pic with the "rosechu" tag; etc. It's quite a useful thing. Examples of "boorus": Danbooru, Gelbooru, Paheal (aka Rule 34).

I can create a booru (on the site I mentioned) for CWC-related fan art, for CWCkians to browse and contribute to. The question is, are CWCkians interested in this? That's what I want you guys to tell me.

P.S.: Btw, there's a lot of fan art pics on CWCki, and most of them aren't used in actual articles. If such a booru were to exist, all these pics could be safely deleted from the CWCki database, I reckon. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:01, 10 November 2010 (PST)

== Fan videos ==
I think we should limit the fan videos to 2 max per page, since thay are not really relevant and most of the time don't add much, take for example the "CWC fighter" page, currently it has 6 fan videos.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 11:18, 12 November 2010 (PST)

== A counter for the main page ==

Since this is like the fifth time Chris has declared he's leaving the internet forever, do you think a counter could be added to DA Update? Like the old one which counted how many days he'd missed on his page a day schedule, it could count how many days he lasts before he uploads another video. Chris doesn't tend to last too long on these things but he did go for a month and a half over the summer without a video update and it might be interesting to see if he manages to beat his previous record. [[User:Whispsonichu|Whispsonichu]] 13:34, 22 November 2010 (PST)
:That actually sounds like a pretty good idea. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 13:59, 22 November 2010 (PST)
{{:User:Anonymax/Quitcount}}
My initial idea for it. The tech for it works. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:30, 22 November 2010 (PST)

*Oh wow, that looks really good. [[User:Whispsonichu|Whispsonichu]] 15:31, 22 November 2010 (PST)

I also have another suggestion to respectfully add to this. If the site has the available bandwidth and space, why not run a streaming news ticker across the front of the page under the CWCki banner, just before the main page articles? This is for when Chris "possibly" goes a longer length of time away from the internet. Say, 50 or 100 days goes by, it could say something like; "BREAKING NEWS: Chris has been away from the internet for 100 Days Now! A NEW RECORD!". Something to that effect, but I think that would be a fun idea. Maybe throw in some random quotes as well and factoids as well, much like the "Did you Know...", but do it as a streaming ticker. --[[Chris Pickles|Chris Pickles]] 00:12, 26 2010 (EST)

== working on the Sonichu comic articles ==
They are way too fucking long. They need to be shortened down. [[Sonichu 9]] for example. I mean fuck who is actually going to read that than just watch the audiobooks or some shit? -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 10:40, 4 December 2010 (PST)

*I took a crack at the #9 article. I think the problem with the pages for #9 and #10 is that users were updating the article as Chris was updating the comics on CWCipedia. So the summaries read like shit because it was a bunch of people tacking their reactions everytime Chris added new pages. Hopefully [[Sonichu 9]] reads better now, even if it may not be short enough.[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 17:18, 4 December 2010 (PST)

== Chris, the Master of Disguise ==

is it worth creating a page detailing all the times chris has gone "undercover"? like the kacey call, junior jenkins, the emails where he pretended to be a teenage girl or whatever, and any time he pretended to be an "evil troll". i think his bizarre attempts to act like another person and believe he's fooling everyone provide good insight into how his mind works and how he sees the world. plus it's funny as fuck -- [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 15:53, 7 December 2010 (PST)
*I don't know. It sounds like a good idea with some potential....maybe we could make it a new addition of the Chris and Cosplay page? After all, that's what it is, in a sense.... --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 20:31, 7 December 2010 (PST)

CWCki:General

2010-12-08T04:31:11Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

__NEWSECTIONLINK__

{{Community Portal}}

*[[CWCki:General/Archive 1|Archive 1]]
*[[CWCki:General/Archive 2|Archive 2]]

For discussion that doesn't fit into the other community pages - though do keep it related to the CWCki.

== Anonymax is hereby a CWCki admin ==

Because I am far too [[stress|STRESSED]] to constantly monitor CWCki like I use to, and because the CWCki has gotten larger, I hereby dub Anonymax a CWCki admin. May he use his powers for good, not evil. If you have problems, you can all <strike>stop bothering me</strike> bring your problems to him as well.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:10, 9 November 2010 (PST)
* everyone keep bothering champthom -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 20:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)

== A booru for CWC-related fan art ==

Hi guys. I'm here to ask you a simple question.

There's a site out there that allows you to create a free "booru". A "booru" is an online gallery that anyone of its members can contribute to. Another "booru" feature is tagging: e.g., if you add a "rosechu" tag to all pictures featuring Rosechu; then, if you search for "rosechu", you'll find every pic with the "rosechu" tag; etc. It's quite a useful thing. Examples of "boorus": Danbooru, Gelbooru, Paheal (aka Rule 34).

I can create a booru (on the site I mentioned) for CWC-related fan art, for CWCkians to browse and contribute to. The question is, are CWCkians interested in this? That's what I want you guys to tell me.

P.S.: Btw, there's a lot of fan art pics on CWCki, and most of them aren't used in actual articles. If such a booru were to exist, all these pics could be safely deleted from the CWCki database, I reckon. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:01, 10 November 2010 (PST)

== Fan videos ==
I think we should limit the fan videos to 2 max per page, since thay are not really relevant and most of the time don't add much, take for example the "CWC fighter" page, currently it has 6 fan videos.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 11:18, 12 November 2010 (PST)

== A counter for the main page ==

Since this is like the fifth time Chris has declared he's leaving the internet forever, do you think a counter could be added to DA Update? Like the old one which counted how many days he'd missed on his page a day schedule, it could count how many days he lasts before he uploads another video. Chris doesn't tend to last too long on these things but he did go for a month and a half over the summer without a video update and it might be interesting to see if he manages to beat his previous record. [[User:Whispsonichu|Whispsonichu]] 13:34, 22 November 2010 (PST)
:That actually sounds like a pretty good idea. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 13:59, 22 November 2010 (PST)
{{:User:Anonymax/Quitcount}}
My initial idea for it. The tech for it works. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:30, 22 November 2010 (PST)

*Oh wow, that looks really good. [[User:Whispsonichu|Whispsonichu]] 15:31, 22 November 2010 (PST)

I also have another suggestion to respectfully add to this. If the site has the available bandwidth and space, why not run a streaming news ticker across the front of the page under the CWCki banner, just before the main page articles? This is for when Chris "possibly" goes a longer length of time away from the internet. Say, 50 or 100 days goes by, it could say something like; "BREAKING NEWS: Chris has been away from the internet for 100 Days Now! A NEW RECORD!". Something to that effect, but I think that would be a fun idea. Maybe throw in some random quotes as well and factoids as well, much like the "Did you Know...", but do it as a streaming ticker. --[[Chris Pickles|Chris Pickles]] 00:12, 26 2010 (EST)

== working on the Sonichu comic articles ==
They are way too fucking long. They need to be shortened down. [[Sonichu 9]] for example. I mean fuck who is actually going to read that than just watch the audiobooks or some shit? -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 10:40, 4 December 2010 (PST)

*I took a crack at the #9 article. I think the problem with the pages for #9 and #10 is that users were updating the article as Chris was updating the comics on CWCipedia. So the summaries read like shit because it was a bunch of people tacking their reactions everytime Chris added new pages. Hopefully [[Sonichu 9]] reads better now, even if it may not be short enough.[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 17:18, 4 December 2010 (PST)

== Chris, the Master of Disguise ==

is it worth creating a page detailing all the times chris has gone "undercover"? like the kacey call, junior jenkins, the emails where he pretended to be a teenage girl or whatever, and any time he pretended to be an "evil troll". i think his bizarre attempts to act like another person and believe he's fooling everyone provide good insight into how his mind works and how he sees the world. plus it's funny as fuck -- [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 15:53, 7 December 2010 (PST)
*I don't know. It sounds like a good idea with some potential....maybe we could add it as a new section of the Chris and Cosplay page? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 20:31, 7 December 2010 (PST)

File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg

2010-12-07T22:42:54Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

Bob and Cole's relationship
[[Category:Bob Chandler]]

Cole Smithey

2010-12-07T22:42:24Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole, [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 e-mail #3]]}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|Barbara, [[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail #1]]}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Colesmithey.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July 1963
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Ron Coleman Yeatts
[[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film Critic
|-
|}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara's]] first son, and one of the successful escapees from the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's e-mails to Chris]] revealed a lot about the Chandler family.

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
Cole isn't on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his stepfather Jerry with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios". Bob isn't exactly a role model either, as he worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. Cole has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref>

Barbara has lied about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to Jack Dale Smithey, Cole's alleged father, but rather Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself.<ref name="email07-03-06p3" /> Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]]<ref name="email07-03-06p3" />, which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.

Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ.

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. When Chris's [[nudes]] were sent from his e-mail in [[September 2008]], Cole replied with "DO NOT CONTACT ME BY E-MAIL AGAIN."

'''tl;dr:''' Barbara is a whore and Chris doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself.

===Cole in the comics===
Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave [[Kel]] the Pichu who'd become [[Rosechu]]. This means that even his ''brother'' is stuck in [[CWCville]].

==Personal success==
Cole resided in California for sixteen years and has been in New York since around [[1996]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 1]]</ref> Cole lives with his wife Katherine, is the self-confessed "smartest film critic in the world,"<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]</ref> and plays wicked guitar in a jazz band.<ref name="email07-03-06p3">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 3]]</ref>

===Internet infamy===
On 18 June 2010, Cole became the first person out of 131 reviewers to give ''[[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]'' a "rotten" review on the website [http://www.rottentomatoes.com Rotten Tomatoes].<ref>[http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/toy_story_3/comments.php?reviewid=1889775 http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/toy_story_3/comments.php?reviewid=1889775]</ref> (Only two other RT reviewers, a noted [[niggo]] troll-critic [[Wikipedia:Armond White|Armond White]] and "Movie Martyr" Jeremy Heilman, gave the film a negative review.) Immediately after posting this controversial review, Cole received hundreds of comments which relentlessly flamed his intelligence. This may prove that [[Internet]] infamy runs in the family.

Notably, however, Cole's negative review may have a rational psychological basis and he shouldn't be judged too harshly. Consider these quotes and see if they sound familiar:

<blockquote>
(...) the inappropriately [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cruel]] and [[For Julie's Eyes Only|drawn out climax sequence]] is [[Sonichu 10|too intense for younger children]] who will be lured into the "G-rated" film." ... Andy is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]]--something most boys do before junior high. Talk about arrested development--[[love quest|this kid isn't getting any dates]].
</blockquote>

The same goes for his personal issues with Snorlax.

<blockquote>
Andy's careless mom--whose sense of parental responsibility is nonexistent, "accidentally" tosses out the trash bag filled with Woody's pals on the curb. ... abandonment is a distressing theme smuggled into the story.
</blockquote>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
</gallery></center>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/1716056/2/meet_a_critic_cole_smithey_the_new_york_writer_with_a_rock_n_roll_past Rotten Tomatoes interviews Cole.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People]]

Bob Chandler

2010-12-07T22:41:46Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

: ''"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|Listen boy! You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Makes you wonder why Chris is a racist...}}

{{quote|This ain't my time yet.|Bob laughing at death <ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Internet Lumberjack
That fuck
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 4 September 1927
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/16th [[Cherokee]])
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert (father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, civilian engineer (ret.)
|-
|}
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his Final Form]]
'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September 1927<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–very, very soon) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father. '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "[[Internet]] Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 28 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|"I seen crosses burnin', fella."]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful [[CWCville|North Korea]]. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water [container] molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===

[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down]]

On the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref name="Prank calls"/>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===

[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]
[[File:Heart15.jpg|thumb|Computer-generated model of Bob's near-shattered heart.]]
Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He attributes his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. Let's hope that Chris hasn't inherited the traits for this longevity. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the [[troll]] community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

===What about Bob?===

[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 March 2010, Chris [[Twitter]]ed that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]. Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris does not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man]]. Bob is the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learn something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestive_heart_failure Congenital Heart Failure on Wikipedia]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [[/cwc/| /cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you." [[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Know this, Robert. Thy demise shall be a Whopper!"]]Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." He is clearly neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hasn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

Whether he is on the road to recovery or has returned home to die is still unknown. If Bob is dying, it is highly unlikely that Chris would be told. Apart from one-line responses from Chris, the best way to stay updated on Bob's health might be to [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ read the Charlottesville] and [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/greenenews/ Greene County obituaries]. And God help him if he [[Aunt Corrina|dies on pancake day]].

Bob is currently out of the hospital, living at home and back to [[prank calls|arguing with himself]].

On 10 August, [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call]] took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of [[GAMe PLACe|The GAMe PLACe]]. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted [[6 June 2010|a whiny video]] about the incident the night that it happened, which remained on his YouTube channel until he purged all of his videos on 22 November. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob is.

On 19 August, it was revealed that the elderly man with heart failure is still [[Coffee Place|eating breakfast at Burger King]] on a daily basis. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 21 September, Bob claimed in a [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|prank call]] that he may have been a member of the KKK and threatens the prank callers with this knowledge, only to be laughed at. Earlier in the call, Bob spent time explaining his educational and work background, and how he had fulfilled his service to the public.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your [[Nintendo]]."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[TV]], and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seems to have somehow bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]] simply due to the [[Chris and his ego|success]] that he has earned from his very [[Chris and his ego|popular]] Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> However, in the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seems to either share the tactic of, and perhaps had even ''taught'' Chris, to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison. In line with that thread of distraction and self-delusion, Bob actually believes that Chris has accomplished significant goals in his adult life.<ref name="Prank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</ref>

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his [[autistic]] ass for 28 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Synder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.
* 23 [[September 2010]]: Bob admits ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Thehell.jpg|"The hell is this crap?"
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2010.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg|Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==

{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}

<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Bob Chandler

2010-12-07T22:41:03Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

: ''"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|Listen boy! You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Makes you wonder why Chris is a racist...}}

{{quote|This ain't my time yet.|Bob laughing at death <ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Internet Lumberjack
That fuck
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 4 September 1927
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/16th [[Cherokee]])
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert (father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, civilian engineer (ret.)
|-
|}
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his Final Form]]
'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September 1927<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–very, very soon) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father. '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "[[Internet]] Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 28 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|"I seen crosses burnin', fella."]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful [[CWCville|North Korea]]. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water [container] molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===

[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down]]

On the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref name="Prank calls"/>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===

[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]
[[File:Heart15.jpg|thumb|Computer-generated model of Bob's near-shattered heart.]]
Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He attributes his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. Let's hope that Chris hasn't inherited the traits for this longevity. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the [[troll]] community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

===What about Bob?===

[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 March 2010, Chris [[Twitter]]ed that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]. Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris does not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man]]. Bob is the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learn something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestive_heart_failure Congenital Heart Failure on Wikipedia]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [[/cwc/| /cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you." [[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Know this, Robert. Thy demise shall be a Whopper!"]]Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." He is clearly neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hasn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

Whether he is on the road to recovery or has returned home to die is still unknown. If Bob is dying, it is highly unlikely that Chris would be told. Apart from one-line responses from Chris, the best way to stay updated on Bob's health might be to [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ read the Charlottesville] and [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/greenenews/ Greene County obituaries]. And God help him if he [[Aunt Corrina|dies on pancake day]].

Bob is currently out of the hospital, living at home and back to [[prank calls|arguing with himself]].

On 10 August, [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call]] took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of [[GAMe PLACe|The GAMe PLACe]]. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted [[6 June 2010|a whiny video]] about the incident the night that it happened, which remained on his YouTube channel until he purged all of his videos on 22 November. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob is.

On 19 August, it was revealed that the elderly man with heart failure is still [[Coffee Place|eating breakfast at Burger King]] on a daily basis. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 21 September, Bob claimed in a [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|prank call]] that he may have been a member of the KKK and threatens the prank callers with this knowledge, only to be laughed at. Earlier in the call, Bob spent time explaining his educational and work background, and how he had fulfilled his service to the public.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|100px|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your [[Nintendo]]."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[TV]], and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seems to have somehow bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]] simply due to the [[Chris and his ego|success]] that he has earned from his very [[Chris and his ego|popular]] Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> However, in the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seems to either share the tactic of, and perhaps had even ''taught'' Chris, to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison. In line with that thread of distraction and self-delusion, Bob actually believes that Chris has accomplished significant goals in his adult life.<ref name="Prank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</ref>

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his [[autistic]] ass for 28 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Synder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.
* 23 [[September 2010]]: Bob admits ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Thehell.jpg|"The hell is this crap?"
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2010.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg|Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==

{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}

<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Bob Chandler

2010-12-07T22:35:56Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

: ''"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|Listen boy! You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Makes you wonder why Chris is a racist...}}

{{quote|This ain't my time yet.|Bob laughing at death <ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Internet Lumberjack
That fuck
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 4 September 1927
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/16th [[Cherokee]])
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert (father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, civilian engineer (ret.)
|-
|}
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his Final Form]]
'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September 1927<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–very, very soon) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father. '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "[[Internet]] Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 28 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|"I seen crosses burnin', fella."]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful [[CWCville|North Korea]]. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water [container] molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===

[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down]]

On the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref name="Prank calls"/>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===

[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]
[[File:Heart15.jpg|thumb|Computer-generated model of Bob's near-shattered heart.]]
Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He attributes his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. Let's hope that Chris hasn't inherited the traits for this longevity. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the [[troll]] community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

===What about Bob?===

[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 March 2010, Chris [[Twitter]]ed that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]. Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris does not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man]]. Bob is the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learn something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestive_heart_failure Congenital Heart Failure on Wikipedia]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [[/cwc/| /cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you." [[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Know this, Robert. Thy demise shall be a Whopper!"]]Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." He is clearly neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hasn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

Whether he is on the road to recovery or has returned home to die is still unknown. If Bob is dying, it is highly unlikely that Chris would be told. Apart from one-line responses from Chris, the best way to stay updated on Bob's health might be to [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ read the Charlottesville] and [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/greenenews/ Greene County obituaries]. And God help him if he [[Aunt Corrina|dies on pancake day]].

Bob is currently out of the hospital, living at home and back to [[prank calls|arguing with himself]].

On 10 August, [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call]] took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of [[GAMe PLACe|The GAMe PLACe]]. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted [[6 June 2010|a whiny video]] about the incident the night that it happened, which remained on his YouTube channel until he purged all of his videos on 22 November. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob is.

On 19 August, it was revealed that the elderly man with heart failure is still [[Coffee Place|eating breakfast at Burger King]] on a daily basis. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 21 September, Bob claimed in a [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|prank call]] that he may have been a member of the KKK and threatens the prank callers with this knowledge, only to be laughed at. Earlier in the call, Bob spent time explaining his educational and work background, and how he had fulfilled his service to the public.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely description for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your [[Nintendo]]."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[TV]], and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seems to have somehow bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]] simply due to the [[Chris and his ego|success]] that he has earned from his very [[Chris and his ego|popular]] Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> However, in the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seems to either share the tactic of, and perhaps had even ''taught'' Chris, to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison. In line with that thread of distraction and self-delusion, Bob actually believes that Chris has accomplished significant goals in his adult life.<ref name="Prank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</ref>

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his [[autistic]] ass for 28 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Synder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.
* 23 [[September 2010]]: Bob admits ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Thehell.jpg|"The hell is this crap?"
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2010.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg|Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==

{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}

<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Metal Gear

2010-12-07T22:17:56Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|p03W5ElzdGI}}</center>
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris [[Don't Mess With Me|using CQC]] on [[Clyde Cash]] while wearing the [[Chris and fashion|Red-Blue Stripe]] camoflage]]
[[Image:Torture.jpg|thumb|right|"We live in a sad age. [[YouTube]], [[PSEye]]s, [[For Julie's Eyes Only|leaked]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|videos]]... [[1990s]] [[Internet]] had its share of [[trolls]], but at least they had no streaming video. Internet today makes things too easy."]]

Being that '''''Metal Gear Solid''''' is [[Clyde Cash|so cash]], and most veteran [[trolls]] emerged from the depths of [[4chan|/v/]] (where [[Fapcup|wanking]] to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] is mandatory), several ''MGS'' references have emerged. Even [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has made some possibly unintentional nods to the franchise. [[Vivian]] has also proclaimed her love for [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Liquid Snake]].

==Allusions made by trolls==

[[Image:Maryleewalshpatriot.png|thumb|The picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh|Big Dean]] featured in the "Good Fan Art" article at [[CWCipedia]]]]
* [[The Miscreants]] are an obvious [[parody]] of [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#The Patriots|the Patriots]], except while the Patriots specialize in (con)trolling the world, the Miscreants' main field of interest involves manipulating and monitoring the [[saga|sagas]] and events of a certain [[Chris|autistic manchild]].
:The Miscreants' codenames all go along the lines of, "The (x)". This is a nod to ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3|Metal Gear Solid 3]]'', where one must face [[Blanca|The Pain]], [[Sarah May|The Fear]], [[Ivy|The End]], and [[Julie|The Fury]].
* "Liquid Chris" was the codename for [[CChanSonichuCWC]], noting that [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]] was Solid Snake's genetic twin and enemy who had inherited the recessive genes of their father Big Boss and was therefore led to believe himself inferior, with the irony being that Liquid Chris excelled in everything Solid Chris does.
* Chris's appearance resembles Big Boss in the fan comic "Sonichu Finale".
* [[Wild Sonichu]] was crafted into a Solid Snake lookalike for a scene in episode 7 of ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'', where he makes TRUE and HONEST love to a cardboard box.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] goes by the e-handle "Liquid Snake".
* Some of [[User:Lime/Clyde vs. Chris: Day by Day|Clyde's messages to Chris]] contain footage from the series.

==''MGS'' and Chris==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|left|Big Boss appeared in ''[[Sonichu 8]]'', but was mauled by faggotry]]
[[Image:KNOWTHEDIFFERENCE.JPG|thumb|[[Sonichu 8|It really could]]]]
*[[LittleBigPlanet#Metal Speed Solid|Metal Speed Solid]] is one of the ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' levels made by Chris. Yes why, it's really bad.
* Gecko and Mantis are shown as chefs in [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. While physically deformed [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|mutants]], their names are reference to the [[troll]] Gecko Mantis, who got his name from the elite bio-mechanical robot originating from ''MGS4'', and Psycho Mantis, a psychic soldier appearing in ''MGS1'' and briefly in ''MGS4''.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was portrayed similar to Big Boss, with brown hair, a headband and an eye patch. For a while, it was assumed that Chris browsed /v/ for three seconds, saw a Big Boss picture and decided it was close enough, despite Big Boss and Liquid Snake (Jason's e-alias) being radically different characters. Later, Jason revealed that Chris saw an old picture of him with an eye patch on [[Myspace]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY A Jason Retrospective Part 2]</ref>; which makes a bit more sense, as Chris wouldn't go near any place as drunky or smokey as /v/.
* Wild sneaks into the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] company headquarters, which is apparently full of empty red corridors. Chris may be making a subtle joke at ''Metal Gear Solid'''s typical bland military bases. Or, far more likely, he is too [[Stress|stressed]] to include enemies, or details. {{clear}}

==Notes==
Christian has purchased ''Metal Gear Solid'' from the [[PSN]]; however, he most likely has not touched it because he's too busy playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' or ''Wheel of Fortune'' and the fact that [[Sonichu Special 4|sneaking behind enemies instead of attacking them head-on]] is too stressful for him.

Also of note, ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots|Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots]]'' is not listed as one of the best PS3 games according to Chris, even though it has sold over five million units, making it the best-selling PS3-exclusive title to date.

==See also==

[[File:Chuhoundlogo.jpg|thumb|The [[True and Honest]] ChuHound logo]]

*Les Enfantes [[Autistic|Autiste]]:
[[Solid Chris]] | [[Liquid Chris]] | [[Solidus Chris]]
*Operation [[Duck]] [[Homos|Eater]]:
[[Bob Chandler|Big Boss]]/[[Nudes|Naked Chris]] | [[Barbara Chandler|EVA]]/[[Obesity|Big Mama]] | [[Mary Lee Walsh|The Boss]] | [[Greene County Conspiracy|The Philosophers]] | [[Monthly Tugboat|The Philosopher's Legacy]]
*[[Chaotic Combo|ChuHound]] [[Honor Roll|Special Ed.]] Group:
[[Joshua Martinez|Revolver Jocelot]] | [[Magi-Chan Sonichu|Psycho Chantis]] | [[Silvana|Dickgirl Octopus]] | [[Flame the Sunbird|Flaming Raven]] | [[PandaHalo|Sniper Panda]]
* [[White Knight|Philanthropy]]:
[[Bill the Scientist|Dr. Hal Emmerich]]/[[Anime Mid-Atlantic|Otacon]] | [[Sandy Rosechu|Sandy Gurchukovich]] | [[Allison Amber|Nastasha Romanenko]] | [[Ching Chong|Mei Ling]]

*Locations:
[[CWCville|Outer Heaven]] | [[RuleCWC|ZanziCWC Land]] | [[4-cent_garbage.com|Shadow Garbage Island]] | [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Big Shell]]

*[[Daniel Weston|Chris Plissken]]
*[[Man in the Pickle Suit|Cyborg Pickle]]
*[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|FISSION MAILED]]
*[[Random-access humor|I NEED SCISSORS! 61!]]
*[[Son-Chu|Metal Gear CWC]]
*[[Crackder|Metal Gear IBA]]
*[[The Miscreants]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri5sRCd-LNs METAL LOVE SOLID 3: STRAIGHT ANGER]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdhYYH1_5SQ CWC 4 - Puns of the Patridiots]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Template:Video of the now

2010-12-07T19:34:29Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9bYwW66xMtE}}</center>
<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is used to display a video, which is normally related to recent Chris activity - or in quieter times - amusing fan-created content. Suggestions for new videos of the now can be discussed on [[Template talk:Video of the now|this template's talk page]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Yawning Squirtle

2010-12-06T15:41:59Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

<center>[[Image:Yawning_Squirtle.jpg|FEELS GOOD MAN]]</center>
{{quote|*YAWN*|Yawning Squirtle's eternal message to the world}}
[[Image:CrystalSquirtle.png|thumb|[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] buys all her weed from Yawning Squirtle.]]

'''Yawning Squirtle''' is arguably [[Chris]]'s only creation that isn't complete shit. First depicted in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], stoned out of his mind.

In a [[CWC Blog]] post from [[CWC_Blog#12_January_2010|12 January 2010]], Chris attempted to curb the growing Yawning Squirtle fandom by stating that Yawning Squirtle was caught by a [[Pokémon]] trainer.

==Political career==

[[Image:YawningSquirtleForMayor.jpg|thumb|Official propaganda from Yawning Squirtle's Mayoral bid.]]
Rumors have been circulating that Yawning Squirtle will be running against [[Christian Weston Chandler]] as mayor of [[CWCville]], on a platform of marijuana legalization. CWCki reporters tried to contact Squirtle with some questions, but apparently there are no telephones underwater. Plus, Squirtle was probably too high to reply.

==Chris on Yawning Squirtle==
On at least three instances, Chris has tried to underplay Yawning Squirtle's importance in the comics. Chris has later stated that he assumes that YS is fighting for a trainer now.

{{quote|The WAILORD who dropped the rock onto the mother Swampert and the Squirtle who Yawned are ONLY Individual characters who I originally had NO plans on putting into future stories, so ASSUME that the two were BOTH caught by Pok'emon Trainers in Pok'e Balls and now the two are fighting with their trainers in Pok'emon Battles.|Chris on Yawning Squirtle, [[CWC_Blog#12_January_2010|CWC's blog, 12 January 2010]]}}

Fans strongly disagree with this interpretation, opting for Sean August Watley's [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]] depiction of Yawning Squirtle spending his days on [[The Moon]] getting high with [[Metal Sonichu]], [[Boulder Dropping Whale]] and [[Bill the Scientist]].

In the [[CWCipedia]] article on [[Bubbles Rosechu]], Chris further expanded on the character by stating that he was a childhood friend of hers. It's unclear if this will lead to [[Rule 34]] art of the two anytime soon.

==Images and shoops==
<center><gallery>
Image:Yawning_Squirtle.jpg|Original
Image:Yawninsquertaljpg-1.jpg|Inevitable rule 34.
Image:Schucomic9page59ic1copyhg7.jpg|Lolwut.
Image:Yawning_squirtle_card.jpg|Original character, do not steal.
Image:Yawning Squirtle KKK.png|Squirtle!!!
Image:1230345505120if5.jpg|Fffrustrated Yawning Squirtle.
Image:1230345505120.JPG|More Fffrustrated Yawning Squirtle.
Image:Call.jpg|Oh dear...
Image:Shoop.jpg|He's a firing his lazer...
Image:F advicesquirm 5ff7bca.jpg|Advice Yawning Squirtle.
Image:F advicesquirm 5c0df54.jpg|Moar Advice Yawning Squirtle.
Image:F advicesquirm fd4a802.jpg|Even moar Advice Yawning Squirtle.
Image:B08c8baa1b.jpg|Who's [[Silvana]] been hanging with...
Image:332mij9.jpg|He came.
Image:300yawnsjpg.jpg|Yawning Squirtle in Sparta.
Image:Yawning squirtle oh exploitable.png|Yawning Squirtle 2.0
Image:Modern Squirtle.JPG|Perspectives on Modern Sleep 75
Image:DSC01318.jpg|Faggot cosplaying Yawning Squirtle.
Image:Yawning Squirtle by Zom-39A.jpg|Artist's depiction.
Image:Cheers04.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Boulder-Dropping Whale]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pkqt1yeHPwU CWC Drawing- Yawning Squirtle Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Jerkhief

2010-11-23T21:43:35Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: mentioned in the backyard safari sub-episode

[[Image:JerkhiefProfile.jpg|thumb|75px|His wooden badge looks delicious.]]

'''Jerkhief''' is the [[Niggos|black]] leader of the [[Jerkops]] known best for uttering the phrase "My wooden badge was delicious!" on the cover of ''[[Sonichu 4]]''. Jerkhief is based on a real-life mall security guard who told the manchild to GTFO; Chris had his [[Attraction Sign]] at the time and he was apparently creeping out the people in front of [[GameStop]]. [[Chris]] has put Jerkhief's weight at three-quarters of a ton, [[fail]]ing to understand that someone that [[Obesity|obese]] would barely be able to move.

In ''[[Sub-Episode 1]]'', Jerkhief interrupted [[CWC]]'s [[Love Quest]] and told him to stop soliciting like any sane person would. Chris was being a whiny faggot as usual and refused to leave. So, he beat up a bunch of Jerkops, but then Jerkhief activated his mecha battle armor. Unfortunately, he could not overcome the power of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. This whole "Jerkop-Tastropie" took place in [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

==="My wooden badge was delicious!"===
As one of the things that has utterly baffled readers, someone was courageous enough to ask Chris this in [[IRC (31 December 2008)|an IRC chat]] and Chris explained its meaning:

[[Image:MyWoodenBadgeWasDelicious.jpg|thumb|left|lolwut?]]
[[Image:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|thumb|Dogpile!]]

{{quote|the Jerkhief has a Badge made from TREE wood, painted to look like an "official" police badge, and the Jerkops under him have Badges made from [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|Graham Crackers]], painted to be the mockery badges as well. The Jerkhief portrayed on the cover took a bite out of his wooden badge, as if it was made from a Graham Cracker, and called it delicious like a Graham Cracker...which you would have learned that from the [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"|"Backyard Safari" Sub-Episode.]]|}}

This is backed up by [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_4/Page_56 Sonichu Issue 4, pages 55-56].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Jerkhieg.png|Official Chris-approved game sprite from [[JK Productions]].
</gallery>

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Bagget]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[Virginia is for Virgins]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Template:Video of the now

2010-11-23T15:46:33Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|CoUdjcy7h98}}</center>
<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is used to display a video, which is normally related to recent Chris activity - or in quieter times - amusing fan-created content. Suggestions for new videos of the now can be discussed on [[Template talk:Video of the now|this template's talk page]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Solid

2010-11-17T20:06:12Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: Redirected page to Christian Weston Chandler

#REDIRECT [[Christian Weston Chandler]]

Solidus

2010-11-17T20:05:33Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: Redirected page to Robert Simmons V

#REDIRECT [[Robert Simmons V]]

Barbara Chandler

2010-11-15T06:53:06Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}

{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the [[Internet]].|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}

{{quote|I ain't got no [[black]] ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!|Barbara, during a [[Prank calls|prank call]]}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barb Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 October 1941
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriage'''
| Ron Coleman Yeatts
[[Bob]]
|-
| '''Issue'''
| [[Cole]]
[[Chris]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Office worker (ret.)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the wife of [[Bob Chandler]] and terrible mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Appearance==

[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction]]

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snorlax Snorlax]''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article for some strange reason.

==Cole and his possible fathers==

[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]]]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother Cole in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.<ref name="email07-03-06p1">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to piss off everyone around her by dating assholes". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
{{-}}

==Marriage with Bob==

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker. Too bad physical appearance is genetic]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

Instead of accepting that their marriage isn't what it used to be, that they have different goals for their son in life and move on like any other healthy human being, she is either too lazy, poor, and/or unwilling to explain to Chris the intricacies of a divorce and its effect on a family dynamic, thereby putting herself in the inescapable rut she is in today.
{{-}}

==Pampering of Chris==

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]] ([[Mumble 10]])}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an [[Incest|intimate moment]].]]

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}} This behavior extends to Bob to some degree as well, as she spends most of the [[Matthew Noble call]] denying that Bob was yelling at anyone.

Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].

On at least two occasions, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake. In the fall of 2007, after a photo of Chris taken at the store wound up on the internet, she interrogated [[Mimms]] as to the origins of the picture and threatened legal action. The next summer, after Chris was kicked out of the store for good, she returned to try and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

She is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10|thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years.

While having a special needs child is a major [[stress]]or in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.

==Recent health problems==

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

A recent field agent report revealed that Barbara has lost significant weight as a consequence of her colitis. Nonetheless, the epithet "Snorlax" has been grandfathered (grandmothered?) and remains the preferred way to refer to the formerly rotund woman.

==In the comics==

[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son]]

Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in ''[[Sonichu 0]]''.

==Audio appearances==

* Circa [[1998]]: Barbara requests a song on KCWC.
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* [[Matthew Noble call]]: In her longest audio contact to date, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]: At the end of the video, she can be heard saying "hello" to Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 16]]</ref>.
* [[Prank_calls#Snake_Productions_Calls_Barbara_Chandler|SHUT UP!!!]] in which Barb yells over the phone.

==Video appearances==

Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he [[Fail|took his mom as his date]].
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Clyde Cash

2010-11-09T03:17:26Z

EdtheHedgehog1894: not the real clyde

[[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|left|The real Clyde Cash, [[Secret Weapon|according to Chris]].]]
[[Image:ChrisVSClyde.JPG|thumb|Artist's interpretation of this epic struggle.]]
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|STRAIGHT]] ANGER]]

{{quote|Yer butt's gonna be in trouble|[[Barbara Chandler]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[Hooker incident#Aftermath|The Hooker Incident]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!|[[Chris]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Then the dragon stood on the sand of the seashore. I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns, seven heads, and ten royal crowns on its horns. On its heads were blasphemous names.|The Bible on Clyde Cash}}

'''Clyde Cash''' (alias '''Gregg Mays''' - that's [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|Gregg with three g's]]) ([[Wikipedia:Born on the Fourth of July|4 July]] [[Wikipedia:1976|1976]]) was the older brother of [[Ryan Cash]] who decided to take vengeance against Chris after his brother killed himself. He is the leader of [[The Miscreants]] and owns the honorary title as most notorious of Chris's trolls. His close friend is [[Bryan Bash]], he once employed [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]] (Jew variety) and his cousin is [[Vivian Gee]].

In Chris's revised [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Clyde is referred to as a '''Starscream troll'''. This is a reference to the [[Transformers]] character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow [[Megatron]] behind the scenes. Chris says this [[Chris and Reality|because he believes]] Clyde allegedly killed [[BlueSpike]].

==In the beginning==

For the longest time Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed Clyde would read Ryan the latest [[Sonichu]] adventure, until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually with the first three pages).

This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing Sonichu [[comic]]s. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. On the 24th of December Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.

On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether [[Crystal]] would be released from the Dark Hole Mirror was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.
{{clear}}

==The torment begins==
[[Image:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg|thumb|left|Virginia: No longer for virgins]]
[[Image:Clydecashandannamclerran.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash steals [[Anna McLerran|moar womenz]]]]

Clyde's first act was to rape [[Panda]]<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next [[gal-pal]].

Then, Clyde [[Gregg Mays E-mails|posed as Gregg Mays]] (a web designer working for [[Nintendo]]) to gain access to [[Sonichu.net]]. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make a video proclaiming he was gay. He then told him to make a [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|video declaring his straightness]]. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a [[troll]] and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of Panda, Clyde managed to gain access again.

It was around this time that [[Takashi Tezuka]] and [[Jay Z]] were doing their ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]], they created the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

[[Julie]] set up a [[Mumble]] chat in which Chris could communicate with [[Trolls|TRUE and HONEST Sonichu fans]]. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|cleaning his room]]. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a 13 year old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.

After that, he sent out his trusted [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew friend]] to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The Jew turned [[Robert Simmons V]] into a troll and infiltrated the church. He then stole Chris's one and only date, [[Emily]].

When [[Ivy]] came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and killed herself.

Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the [[PSN]] a few times. But then [[Jack Thaddeus]] did him one better...

And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.

On 22 [[May 2009]], a body of Clyde Cash was reportedly found with a head gunshot wound, lying next to a shotgun. The incident was deemed a suicide, althrough some suspected a foul play.
{{clear}}

==In the comic==
[[File:Cly.jpg|thumb|left|"Cly" in [[Sonichu Special 1]]]]
[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments]]

In the [[comic]] Cly(de) is a villain working for [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Apart from capturing [[Ivy]] and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]], officially [[Sonichu Special 1]]. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."

He made his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] trolls. When Beel escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicidal deaths.
{{Clear}}

== Currently ==
[[Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|thumb|left|Clyde Cash and his buddy [[Jack Thaddeus]].]]
[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|thumb|Clyde with [[The Wallflower]].]]

After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris is not very pleased.

When not battling [[Liquid Chris]] for the hand of [[Kacey]], Chris spends his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into [[obesity|shape]] and a desire to frighten Clyde with his [[Chris and Health|bulging muscles]].

He had a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.<Ref>[[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]], [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]], [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]], [[Getting Foam Ed]], [[Twin Falling Towers]], [[It will never end]] and [[Apology for 9/11 Joke]]</ref> Clyde scoffed at the [[No More Jokes|final video]].

However, because of the negative reaction to [[Sonichu Special 4]], Chris, in the [[CWCipedia]] mailbag, makes clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.
[[File:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's bizarre attempt to [[100 2267|impersonate Clyde]]]]
Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis, believing he was the reason why he lost "[[The Wallflower]]". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a [[knife]] and [[Don't Mess With Me|slitting Clyde's throat]] as a [[Death threats|warning]] to all [[trolls]].

In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Christian unsuccessfully [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|attempted to scam Clyde]] into paying Chris over 9000 dollars for destroying his own [[PS3]]. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled, thanks to [[Surfshack Tito]]'s vigilance.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Clyde Cash fan videos
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan Loves Clyde Cash
| video = {{#ev:youtube|73jIxs5yQLg}}
| Stardate = 17 April 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCvillelulz CWCvillelulz]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = It's a love/hate relationship.
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan KILLED Clyde Cash (Never Before Seen Footage)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FiTVga0G8Ws}}
| Stardate = 7 June 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheClydeCash TheClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Particle Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NrhdImejktI}}
| Stardate = 1 July 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PodMonkeyCWC PodMonkeyCWC]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Shit Was So Cash!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32XiZC2yG1Y}}
| Stardate = 25 April 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[A CWC Audition]]
*[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]

==Sauces==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGreggMays Gregg's YouTube account]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jmmyzlznhfa Post-date conversations] (part with Clyde begins at about 4:35)
*[http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263141624839RA18 An International Tribute to Teh Graet Clyde Cash]

{{Clyde Saga}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Cash, Clyde}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2010-11-07T16:38:46Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

''This article is about Christian Weston Chandler, the Internet's favorite autistic manchild. For all other uses please visit [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]''

{{Quote|"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dante_Alighieri Dante Alighieri's] [http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Divine_Comedy/Inferno/Canto_III ''Inferno'', canto III, verse IX]}}

{{Honest}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-Chan
Ricardo Weston Chandler

CWC

Ian Brandon Anderson

Solid Chris

Chrissy

[[Carlos Chantor]]

''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus''
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Welfare leech

Making [[fail|failtastic]] [[Sonichu]] comics
|-
|}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[Chris and Rape|perverse]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|disgusting]], [[Chris and the law|quarrelsome]], [[Chris and anger|mean-spirited]], [[Death threats|spiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[niggos|racist]], [[Chris and health|overweight]], [[Chris and reality|delusional]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|stubborn]], [[Chris and religion|heretical]], [[art|completely]] and [[writing|utterly]] [[music|untalented]] "[[autism|high-functioning autistic]]" [[virgin with rage|virgin]] man-child, and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[fail|brilliant]] crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit videogame franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his laughably [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him.

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]]]]
Much like the devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]." In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan." Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler." He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick." Interestingly 'clownish tender anarchist' is a perfect anagram of Chris' full name.

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo," and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler," or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

{{-}}

==Overview==

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|It's all right Chris, we already know since you annoy us to death about it]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris_and_his_ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed—by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]]—to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single bedroom in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Chris and art|Chris cannot draw. At all.]] Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 23, when the hand-drawn [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of ''Sonichu'' was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the [[Chris and sex|sexual]] maturity of a young adult male. As a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight. Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]] and [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]
[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]," was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely it is to be true.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that [[Wikipedia:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]] lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl — if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.)

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian," which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school." Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree at [[Wikipedia:KB Toys|Kay Bee Toys]] as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]].

This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg

</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]]]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7]], [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8P12.htm page 22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high-school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high-school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's (non)award winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face." Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre.''
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.]]
</gallery>}}

{{clear}}

===Adult adventures===

{{Quote|"It is certain, that even the most ignorant and stupid peasants, nay infants, nay even brute beasts, improve by experience.|[[Wikipedia:David Hume|David Hume]], [[Love_quest|having never met Chris]]}}

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on Sonichu, launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend… allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear]]

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', [[masturbation|masturbating]] and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a local game and card shop. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==

{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH]]

Chris's rare talent was discovered when he posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008 Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7]] unless his vast fan base rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce videos, comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.
{{clear}}

==Chris today==

{{main|2008|2009|2010}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell Sonichu products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|[[OkCupid|Hello]] [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]]!]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This appears to be connected to a reduction in his online presence, and the disappearance of his [[medallion]] and his [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]]. Of late Chris has become paranoid and has grown more suspicious of anyone online, imploring everyone to meet him in person if they ''really'' want to get to know him. Of course, Chris has [[List of Chris's Lies|a penchant for lying]], so talking to him in real life is as pointless as talking to him online.

Chris's desire to avoid being fooled has not made him any better at doing it, and the smart money was that sooner or later he'll fall for some "girl" that asks him to [[BlueSpike|shove stuff up his ass]]. No matter how hard Chris tries to avoid the trolling, he will always inexplicably find someone to troll him.

Today Chris continues to live with his parents, living off the [[monthly tugboat|money]] he receives from the federal government as compensation for his autism, which allegedly renders him incapable of contributing to society. Since he has no job and is usually banned from any place he visits for more than thirty minutes, Chris has few social outlets and has grown increasingly withdrawn. In his desperate need for attention, he repeatedly returns to the trolls, unwittingly proving that the only people who will put up with him are those who just want him to do something stupid for them to laugh at.

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|The videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan 3: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = Part 3 of the series
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - the 503 faces of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC a sad story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 'My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler' Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Cwcville Show
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rDyg8bxeyTM}}
| Stardate = 23 December 2009
| Maker = BigBlackPony
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]], Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]], Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==

{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Burger King

2010-11-07T16:37:32Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Robert, thy demise shall be a [[Wikipedia:Whopper|Whopper]]!"]]

'''[[Wikipedia:Burger King|Burger King]]''' is an [[United States of America|American]] chain of fast food restaurants headquartered in Miami, Florida and is [[Bob]]'s restaurant of choice, unlike Chris, who prefers [[McDonald's]], Burger King's competitor.

On occasion, Chris goes to Burger King with Bob, which has resulted in a field agent spotting him there. However, it was a forged sighting by Chris himself, revealed in [[Jackie E-mails 3|the third part]] of a correspondence between Jackie and Chris.

==Sighting==
[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|right|Picture taken at the sighting.]]

{{main|Coffee Place}}

On 3 [[July 2010]] a "field agent" spotted Chris at his local Burger King. Bob, infuriated because he had arrived late for a discount on coffee, got into a argument with part-time manager Amanda. Eventually, Chris joined with a uproar "so loud, it would have awaken [sic] the dead."

The account in full:

{{quotebox|My family and I were there one morning a couple of weeks ago; my camera was screwing up with me, so I ended up with the photo of the front counter. I haven't been back for a while (Damn parents won't drive me back there), and I'm only 14.

Robert was shouting at Amanda, and eventually Chrissy joined in with an uproar so loud, it would have awaken the dead. It was in response to Amanda harassing them that day. I asked around after Robert and Chris left, without my family taking notice of me.

I can get away with anything within my reach; I'm the middle child of a set of three in my family. Sadly, we were only passing through that week on our way back from a visit with my Grandma and Grandpa in South VA; we live up in Boston.

Being bullied as a Freshman last year in my High School was no fucking picnic either. And I really loath ANYONE who is even considered "Special". I'm Special enough on my own for being invisible yet able to attract attention remotely with a mere thought or do-nothing and having to put up with the aggresiveness in my fucking family; I am very much the Master Mind in the family. My father is damned retarded.

But enough about me, I hate Chris as much as the rest of you. Stopping the presses on his books and giving up his website; it still pisses me off. If I recall correctly, it was about 10:30 when the Father and Son Duo left, so best bet is about 10:00 AM to try and intercept. I want to see Chris, if not both of them, squirm in torture from our Trolling of him. I really want to see him blow his top off again. LULZ.

Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.

For the LULZ!!!!}}

However, months later, [[Jackie E-mails 3|a correspondence]] between [[Jackie]] and Chris was leaked revealing that this field agent was indeed Chris himself.

==See also==
*[[McDonald's]] - Chris's preferred fast food hamburger chain.

{{places}}

{{stub}}

[[Category:Places]]

Son-Chu

2010-11-04T22:24:20Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple ''disconcerting'' issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[Sonichu Special 4|aggravated]] [[June062010.MOV|assault]]. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersford department.

Members of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding on more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref>[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref>[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to [[Transformers]], he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], Escortin' Car."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family have kept the permit so long because their [[fat]] lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]

The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]," thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading UN4EVER (apparently a support for the UN) and IB MR C (I be Mr. C, as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named B WESTON (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old Tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both Sonic and Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears CDs]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "[[The GAMe PLACe]]". We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place, however, the American Flag has been removed and replaced with a Jesus fish, a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near-miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil_Change_due_4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris' absurdly overdue oil change.]]
Given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]] it's unlikely they take any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at the performance was with the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car was set to idle at a traffic stop or while parked the engine would rattle loudly, more then likely this is caused by bent U-joints (meaning Chris/Barbara probably hit a curb) connecting the drive shaft to the engine and transmission, and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]] the U-joints are much too expensive for him to repair. A Pennzoil sticker on the windshield indicated the next recommended oil change was to take place on the fifth of April 2009, over a year before the video was recorded. We also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it. At this point it can only be speculated which will go first: the car or [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]?
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. [[Honor roll]] my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG| Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3| Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg| Post-Beta.
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg| Transformed version.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Car Pranks]]
*[[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Son-Chu

2010-11-04T22:23:54Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple ''disconcerting'' issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[Sonichu Special 4|aggravated]] [[June062010.MOV|assault]]. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersford department.

Members of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)
|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding on more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref>[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref>[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to [[Transformers]], he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], Escortin' Car."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family have kept the permit so long because their [[fat]] lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]

The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]," thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading UN4EVER (apparently a support for the UN) and IB MR C (I be Mr. C, as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named B WESTON (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old Tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both Sonic and Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears CDs]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "[[The GAMe PLACe]]". We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place, however, the American Flag has been removed and replaced with a Jesus fish, a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near-miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil_Change_due_4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris' absurdly overdue oil change.]]
Given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]] it's unlikely they take any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at the performance was with the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car was set to idle at a traffic stop or while parked the engine would rattle loudly, more then likely this is caused by bent U-joints (meaning Chris/Barbara probably hit a curb) connecting the drive shaft to the engine and transmission, and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]] the U-joints are much too expensive for him to repair. A Pennzoil sticker on the windshield indicated the next recommended oil change was to take place on the fifth of April 2009, over a year before the video was recorded. We also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it. At this point it can only be speculated which will go first: the car or [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]?
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. [[Honor roll]] my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG| Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3| Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg| Post-Beta.
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg| Transformed version.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Car Pranks]]
*[[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Jason Kendrick Howell

2010-10-30T23:23:03Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

[[Image:Jason_Kendrick_Howell.jpg|thumb|Jason as he appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]]]]

'''Jason Kendrick Howell''' is the [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Howellgames creator] of the [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan Chris-chan ED page]. [[Chris]] wanted to call the [[police]] on Jason for allegedly having sex with an [[BlueSpike|underage girl]]. (Spoiler: Jason never did have that underage sex.) Jason goes by [[Metal Gear Solid|Liquid Snake]] on [[4chan]]'s /v/. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|According to Chris]], he is also "the Dork of Ages", a phrase (shockingly) stolen from ''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'': "[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]".

==In real life==
[[File:Jasonhowell1.jpg|thumb|Jason wearing an eyepatch IRL.]]

After Chris discovered the [[ED]] page he had some e-mail correspondence with [[Jason]], from which Chris got Jason's phone number. Chris later used the phone number to find the city which Jason lived in, as well as tracing down his [[MySpace]] page, where he found [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] by looking at Jason's friend list. Chris made the assumption that Kathleen was Jason's girlfriend and Jason have had sex with her, which, combined with Kathleen's status as a seventeen-year-old, led to his accusation of Jason having underage sex. Chris also took note of the background image on Jason's MySpace page, and based Jason's appearance in the comic upon that picture.

After Jason's inclusion in the comic, Chris exchanged some more e-mails with him, but it soon came to a hold. About a year later Chris's [[Sonichu site]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash]]. Chris, assuming that Jason was behind the deed, responded by calling him and making the infamous "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]" threat.

Jason eventually joined forces with [[Vivian]], recording his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]]. He also provided commentary for the [[Official Videobooks]], though he didn't so much comment on the videobooks so much as just ramble about the history of Chris with 4chan and ED.

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason resembling Big Boss of ''[[Metal Gear Solid|MGS]]''.]]

Jason appears in ''[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'' in the episode, "[[Rage]] Against the Garbage", as the episode's primary antagonist. He appears to reside in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building on the 72nd floor (because 72 is 66+6. Get it? 666. Because he's evil).

Jason wears a cloak most of the time, and also has an eyepatch, headband, and brown hair. The eyepatch, headband and hair color sparked some curiosity and confusion amongst the [[trolls]], considering that it was almost a blatant reference to ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'''s "Big Boss" character. Some were worried that Chris had actually played ''MGS'', and was now ripping it off. However, it was revealed later by Jason himself that he actually sent Chris a picture of himself wearing an eyepatch. (Jason also tried to send Chris the first disc of ''Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence'', but due to Chris's mail paranoia at the time, it was returned to the sender.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ A Jason Retrospective, Part 3]</ref>)

Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] confront Jason and [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] over the images featured on the website of Rosechu's TRUE and ORIGINAL [[china|genitalia]]. After refusing to take down the website following Sonichu's shitty and meaningless speech, Sonichu attempts to fight Jason, only to have his furry ass kicked by Jason's "dark force" powers. Rosechu then face-rapes him nearly to death, but the "dark forces" keep him alive. It is assumed he will return in later issues.

Later on in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Jason is seen talking with [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Beel]] and [[Clyde Cash]] on the "66+6" floor. He calls them all Gaywads and flies off with [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] at his side to his two story house in the suburbs.

In a [[Book10Replacement|video]] released 30 October 2010, Chris presents a revised ending of Sonichu 10, in which he reveals that the couple broke up when Kathleen cheated on him with their secretary, and she later went to maximum security prison for smoking pot, where she shares a cell with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Jason supposedly dies offscreen in a car crash.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Jasonhowell 08-09-12.PNG
</gallery>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKW4XLBYYfs Sonichu! The Audiobook! 4-Cent Garbage Jason Edition!] by [[Vivian Gee]]
*A Jason Retrospective: Jason talks of his part in the trolling. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)]
*[http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan/JKH_Interview An interview Jason gave on his relation with Chris] on [[ED]]

{{Sonichu}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Howell, Jason Kendrick}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Book10Replacement

2010-10-30T16:22:56Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

'''Book10Replacement''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris shows off the "[[Chris and censorship|corrected]]" version of [[Sonichu 10]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Book10Replacement
| video = {{#ev:youtube|E15yCuxm_Fs}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| previous = [[WelcometoBollywood]]
| next = [[DrainedCreativity]]
}}

===Transcript===

{{Transcription}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[WelcometoBollywood]]|nextlink=[[DrainedCreativity]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

United States of America

2010-10-23T18:10:42Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

{{Quote|Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here!|Chris, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|forgetting the national anthem]].}}

[[File:SonichuFlag.png|thumb|Christian's primary thoughts on the U.S....]]

[[Chris]] is a citizen of the '''United States of America''', a federal democratic republic in the western hemisphere. The nation is considered the only remaining [[China|superpower]] since the end of the cold war, and is a leading economic, political, and cultural force in the world.

Chris's stance on the nation he lives in is inconsistent at best. While he claims to be a good citizen who loves and respects his country, his [[Twin Falling Towers|actions]] are often [[Chris and Hypocrisy|very obviously]] contrary to these claims.

==Politics==

[[File:Cwcflag1.png|thumb|...Christian's ''other'' thoughts on the U.S.]]

At a glance, Chris's sense of politics seem very inconsistent; on some issues, he takes a very conservative stance, on others a very liberal one. While many people have an independent or bipartisan opinion, one has to realize the true nature of Chris's decision-making: that Chris doesn't favor what's good for America, but rather what's good for Chris (and believes the [[Chris and his ego| two ends are one and the same]]). As such, he's against gay marriage because he hates da [[homos]] and supported [[Barack Obama]] because he saw himself in him, before he accused him of [[Chris and race|selling out the country to brown-skinned people]].{{cite}}

Soon after, he clarified that he [[Mailbag 20#Chris on abortion|supports abortion]], undoubtedly to show his appreciation for [[Women's Rights]]. Another recent political insight is the vague statement [[Mailbag 4|'I agree with gun control']], despite Chris's numerous [[death threats]] and [[Sonichu Special 4| vigilante plans]] that would require a firearm.

Chris proclaims himself to be a "moderate". While typically this simply means not having extreme or overly partisan political beliefs, he takes this as a general-purpose response to all questions about politics, including ones that have no defined middle path. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the [[Mailbags]], where Chris will often dodge giving his opinion on issues ''every'' voter should have an opinion on, simply because ''he has no opinion.''

Chris doesn't react well in situations where he absolutely has to make a choice ([[Julie Reveals Herself|Julie or PSN? A question for the ages!]]), and seems easily persuaded on matters that he doesn't really have a stake on. As a result, he often comes across as a weathervane, just repeating whatever opinion has most recently lodged itself in his head. His changing opinion about Obama is a good example of this, as he has echoed the sentiments from his father, a documentary, and then from his father again, adopting a positive and negative stance based on what he hears; he never really stops to make a summary and decide what points really matter to ''him''.

==Understanding of government==

Chris's grasp of how the government works, much like Chris's grasp on [[reality]] as a whole, is shaky at best. One of the most telling examples of this is his ignorant stance on taxation and [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]]. Because Chris is jobless, he pays no taxes and presumably files no tax returns. However, he still thinks of himself as a contributing member of society, because he pays ''sales taxes'' on the massive amount of crap he buys.

{{Quote|My spending that money ends up going to others who get such welfare and all as well.... I am sharing the wealth with others who are on that tugboat as well.|Chris, [[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever|explaining why he deserves free money]].}}

It's highly unlikely that Chris understands the massive discrepancy between the amount the government pays him and the amount he gives back via sales tax. Chris also fails to understand that sales taxes are collected by state and local governments, while his welfare check comes from the federal government.

Chris also seems to have difficulty understanding what the true purpose of government actually is. The U.S. government's duty is to follow the will of the majority while respecting the rights of the minority, to protect its citizens from danger, and to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation. Chris, however, would like it to become a force for social engineering that would make the most rabid totalitarian shudder. When asked hypothetical questions about what he would do if he were running things, he proposes bizarre sweeping laws that single out [[Homos|certain minorities]] and force individuals into relationships whether they want to be in one or not.

{{Quote|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples, leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All gays would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.|Chris [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|on effective leadership]].}}

The fact that this would not help the country at all, and in fact could possibly destroy society as we know it, does not factor into Chris's thinking. By his logic, since he wants a girlfriend, ''everybody'' must want a girlfriend, and if everybody wants a girlfriend, the government needs to make it happen.

Over the years, Chris has proposed a large number of laws, even sending letters to President [[Barack Obama]] demanding legislation against [[trolls]] and [[homos]]. This is completely useless for two reasons: one, the President of the United States has much more pressing concerns than making an insane manchild in Ruckersville, VA, happy, and two, the US President ''can't make laws''. (Separation of powers and checks and balances in government are concepts Chris has no time for — [[CWCville]], after all, is a hereditary dictatorship.)

Oddly, the closest analog for how Chris views his government is how Chris views his [[religion]]. He treats both the US government and God as things that can be completely ignored unless he has a personal problem, at which point they should immediately step in and help. He believes that both have a deeply vested interest in himself, often at the expense of everybody else. God should damn [[Clyde Cash]], and the FBI should arrest him. It doesn't matter that Clyde hasn't done anything the FBI would be terribly interested in; Chris is mad at him, and that's all that matters.

== Chris on patriotism ==

As established, Chris has a very [[naïve]] view of American politics, and how the federal government operates. Despite these setbacks, Chris has developed a unique brand of patriotism his brings up quite often, usually either in defense of his character or dehumanization of his [[Trolls|enemies]]. As a result, these stabs at jingoism often feel forced or out of place. Chris has utilized this tactic in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], with the iconic "Clarksville Address":

{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring [[Sweetheart]] and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 8|delivering the Clarksville Address]]}}

[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|Chris bastardizing the American flag with his favorite shirt]]

Here, we can see the prime factor in Chris's logic. Namely, that [[Song of Christian| his problems are analogous with the problems of every American]]. Therefore, if [[ED]] satirizes him, they insult all US citizens. This would become something of a recurring theme, with a later [[Do Not Dis C Ville|video]] claiming that any attack on Chris or [[CWCville|his fictional utopia]] was equivalent to mocking any 'C-ville' in America. On a shallower level, it's an obvious ploy for sympathy, a facade of reasonable nationalism that aims to make him the 'good guy', and by extension, [[Jason]] the 'bad guy'. Thus, patriotic symbolism is thrown in, without really even considering whether or not it makes sense in context. Chris is patriotic simply because he believes that's what will win him [[Scale of Respect|respect]] and reprieve.

His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his [[Twin Falling Towers|tendency to mock national tragedies]] and [[Chris and music|complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs.]] If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" end up having the ''opposite'' effect.

However, his bumbling enthusiasm isn't reserved for the USA alone. Like many Americans, Chris has developed a fake lineage of European ancestry, starting from [[Anne Boleyn]], a Queen of England who was executed in 1536. This was almost instantly proven false when her ultimate descendant Queen Elizabeth I, who died in 1603 childless. Then Chris tried in vain to co-opt British, Scottish, and Irish national sentiment in his [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|kilt-clad tirade against Surfshack Tito]] as a means of intimidation. Also, while not a standard country per se, he also evoked his relation to the Cherokee Nation in his infamous [[War Paint Video|armed declaration of war against the trolls]]. Finally, Chris attempts to use the fact that February 24 is Mexico's Flag Day to justify [[Christian Love Day|turning his own birthday into a holiday]], an ''American'' holiday. Note that all of these cases, Chris's total ignorance of other nations means he [[Fail|fails]] spectacularly at representing them and appearing patriotic.
{{-}}

==Chris for President?==
[[File:CWCVilleTrueFlag.png|thumb|...and, what Chris thinks the U.S. should be.]]
In a [[A Public Announcement for Congress|more recent video]], Chris outlined his actions for what he would do if elected president. He declared he would [[Chris and money|cut taxes in half, build "soup hotels", give senior citizens increased funds for medications and special services]], restrict guns to law enforcement personnel only, [[homos|allow gay marriage]], and [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|form a special police force that focus's entirely on capturing internet trolls.]]

Aside from his failure to deliver a good speech, this video also showcases his complete and utter ignorance of how government and taxes work. [[Mailbag 18|Building luxury hotels for the homeless]] and increasing social security for [[Bob|senior citizens]] would cost a fortune to do, yet he also proposes cutting taxes in half, thus also reducing the amount of money the government can spend in half. Given that Chris probably has [[Honor Roll|no knowledge of economics]], he probably just assumes that money can be printed endlessly without fear of inflation (Of course, that's assuming he put any thought at all into his policies).

Chris's restrictions of guns to professionals only is a blatant violation of the 2nd amendment, which allows American citizens to own a gun for protection. While their are certain restrictions on who can own a gun and what type, a flat out ban on weapons for everyone would no doubt be found unconstitutional. Then again, Chris isn't exactly big on [[Homos|respecting]] [[alec benson leary|the]] [[Megan|rights]] [[Mailbag 31|of]] [[Niggos|others.]]

His departure from his previous stance on gay marriage is surprising ,but then again, he was influenced by a [[Jackie|certain someone]] when he made the video. Despite his decree of equal rights, he does finish up his point by imploring gays to [[Sex_tape|"keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody"]], while normal straight couples can flaunt their heterosexuality to their heart's delight.

While taxes, government spending, gay marriage and gun control are all big issues, Chris finish's up his video by proposing his most important change: the establishment of a special "trollbusters" unit of [[Chris and the law|law enforcement]], apparently dedicated to finding trolls who make fun of people online, and incarcerating them. While a cyber crime's unit already exists for the FBI, they spend their time pursuing real criminals like pedophiles and scam artists, not people who make fun of [[Chris|retarded inbred cry-babies]].

The fact that Chris has complained to law enforcement previously, and they have not done anything about it, leads Chris to believe that it must not exist, [[ego|otherwise they would be spending all their resources tracking down the people who make fun of him]]. The fact that Chris is willing to suspend constitutional rights, and spend countless millions on to incarcerate people that make fun of him, is proof that Chris is neither a republican, democrat or moderate. He's more of a fascist.

TLDR, Chris's ideal America is an America where he is in charge, the Bill of Rights only applies when he feels like it should, and his birthday is a national holiday. In other words, his ideal America is North Korea.

Kim Il-Sung would be proud!

==See also==
*[[American Rabbit]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Prank calls

2010-10-21T01:57:30Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|3whf9k9z_Nk}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone.[''Inaudible.''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible.''] - speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's depar-Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's depar- Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Bob:''' Well then... uh why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?!?!?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, I'm sitting here in my living room; watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't know who you are or where you are, but... and I don't really care! But you... I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why your cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK
 '''Bob:''' ''[In the background, Bob and Barbara converse]''
 ''[troll holds in laugh]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow; goodbye.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'll bust your head wide open if I could see you!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oR27uIDz9d4}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|V2yasF8ngxU}}
</center>

{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

===Transcript===
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

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=== Transcript ===

 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

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===Transcript===

 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you - one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this - here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother - don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she - Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just - and it'll be - I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may be a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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====Transcript====
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella -
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me moreso in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA -
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you -
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob -
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' - bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking -
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' - NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up.)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay]] - got it. Got it.

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. The only notable things about this call are that it resulted in the police being sent to [[14 Branchland Court]] and that [[Bob]] called Everybody Loves Raymond "I love Raymond". Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.

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===Transcript===

{{Transcription}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
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===Transcript===

{{Transcription}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2010-10-21T01:55:07Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone.[''Inaudible.''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible.''] - speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's depar-Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's depar- Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Bob:''' Well then... uh why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?!?!?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, I'm sitting here in my living room; watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't know who you are or where you are, but... and I don't really care! But you... I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why your cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK
 '''Bob:''' ''[In the background, Bob and Barbara converse]''
 ''[troll holds in laugh]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow; goodbye.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'll bust your head wide open if I could see you!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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===Transcript===
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

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===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

===Transcript===
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

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=== Transcript ===

 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

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===Transcript===

 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you - one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this - here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother - don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she - Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just - and it'll be - I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may be a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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====Transcript====
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella -
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me moreso in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA -
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you -
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob -
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' - bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking -
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' - NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up.)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay]] - got it. Got it.

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. The only notable things about this call are that it resulted in the police being sent to [[14 Branchland Court]] and that [[Bob]] called Everybody Loves Raymond "I love Raymond". Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.

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===Transcript===

{{Transcription}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him IRL, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning schedule]] so that they may find him.
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===Transcript===

{{Transcription}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2010-10-21T01:53:36Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone.[''Inaudible.''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible.''] - speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's depar-Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's depar- Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Bob:''' Well then... uh why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?!?!?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, I'm sitting here in my living room; watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't know who you are or where you are, but... and I don't really care! But you... I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why your cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK
 '''Bob:''' ''[In the background, Bob and Barbara converse]''
 ''[troll holds in laugh]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow; goodbye.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'll bust your head wide open if I could see you!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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===Transcript===
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

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===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

===Transcript===
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

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=== Transcript ===

 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

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===Transcript===

 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you - one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this - here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother - don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she - Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just - and it'll be - I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may be a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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====Transcript====
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella -
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me moreso in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA -
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you -
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob -
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' - bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking -
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' - NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up.)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay]] - got it. Got it.

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. The only notable things about this call are that it resulted in the police being sent to [[14 Branchland Court]] and that [[Bob]] called Everybody Loves Raymond "I love Raymond". Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.

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==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him IRL, and gives his [[Burger King|daily morning schedule]].
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{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Katie Bay E-mails 6

2010-10-20T22:33:54Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

The last of the Katie Bay e-mails. Chris just stopped replying.

==8/14/09==

{{quotebox|Subject: KATE!

You KNOW YOURSELF after the EXTENSIVE ONLINE HISTORY that I AM THE REAL DEAL, so WHY DID YOU FINAL VOTE FOR [[Liquid Chris|THAT BROWN IMPOSTOR]]? I am on an emotional edge right now, and I apologize for raising my voice like that. I implore you, Kate, PLEASE change your Vote. I had just dedicated TWO White Stripe Songs for you during a recent [[KCWC]] Lite Everything Lunch Hour.

And I will not put down your brother's ideals either, but make him take a Second Look between ME and HIM, and make sure he thinks HEAVILY about it.

<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[sigh]]*

Stay Safe,
[[Ian Brandon Anderson|Christopher Christian W. Chandler]].}}

{{quoteboxred|I can't change my vote it's against the rules lol

-kate}}

{{quoteboxred|Anyways, are you gonna order a Sonichu [[Audiobook]] DVD?

Apparently [[Vivian Gee]] is going to be making these soon!

<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CngmunxA41A</nowiki>

-kate}}

{{quotebox|NO I WILL NOT, did you not watch my Disclaimer Video; if Vivian makes and sells her DVDs without my Authorization, she will be in [[Chris and Copyright|Violation of the Counterfeit Laws]]. STOP THAT GIRL!}}

==8/15/09==

{{quotebox|Because of the recent encouragement from my Pastor and everyone else recently, I am taking the steps to make it ALL official and get Paper Published (again, PLEASE DO NOT TELL ANYONE about ANYTHING IN THIS MESSAGE). I've requested the forms from the L.O.C., I have resumes to send out to Comic Companies and N.O.A. Please pray for the True Success that I am long due for after almost ten years.}}

{{quoteboxred|you have a resume now? Perhaps you should put it online so you can get more exposure. You might find independent companies or something right?

-kate}}

{{quotebox|Subject: Kate, let me ask you

And I wish you to answer me honestly. After I have been honest with you about Samantha, and after I have entrusted you greatly with simple yet heavily responsible tasks, and after having been a good friend to you, ARE YOU TRYING TO TROLL ME with these ACTS of notifying me of things that may or may not pick on my nerves?

Because I do NOT appreciate it at all.

And besides which, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT EVERYTHING THAT IMPOSTOR SAYS ARE ALL CROCKS OF LIES. Why do you believe that S.O.B.?

Please answer both Questions with FULL HONESTY AND TRUTH.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

{{quoteboxred|I'm trying to help you, I questioned you about the copyright and I know full well that they are going to copyright it before you do.

So unless you want to hear nothing more, then fine. So be it.

My final warning is this: He's out to slander you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdshGz_Pvks

Sure, you can ignore me. But can you tell that to everyone in the world, the people who comment on your YouTube, the people who encounter you on the street, the people you love? You can live in ignorance like you have, or you can see the truth. That's all I'm going to say.

I've been trying to help, but if you refuse to take action, then you've got everything you're asking for.

-kate}}

{{quotebox|I'm sorry, Kate. I should have realized that you were helping me out. I AM taking action, I do not live in ignorance, and they have no Power over the copyright, as long as I have EVERYTHING Copyrighted March 17, 2000 with the symbol that I have been keeping since almost Ten Years Ago, I am in good standings. DO NOT TELL ANYONE, but I am in the process of [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|regestering the Copyright with the Library]]. So please help me by NOT telling anyone about that, keep them from doing their dirty games, and please keep me up to date.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

{{quoteboxred|I mean, from what I understand, it should be an instant thing if you do it online so like...why haven't you done it sooner? lol

-kate}}

{{quotebox|I have not been able to do it sooner, because, and to quote from Piedmont Virginia Community College's "The Forum" from April 26, 2004, titled, "Meet Sonichu - Student featured in "[[Nintendo Power]]"", "For now Sonichu remains a hobby. In the future, Chandler would like to see Sonichu an dhis friends as real Pok'emon, even having their own Nintendo Gamecube video game title." Then I am quoted saying, "[[Chris and the industry|I am not really sure what to do in order to do all that]], but for now, Sonichu and I, Christian C., are in Nintendo Power Magazine."

The N.P. issue was the Metal Gear Solid - The Twin Snakes issue, Volume 179, May, 2004 Issue, on the bottom of Page 89 in "The Crossing Quartarly" with the Headline, "[[Animal Crossing Documentary|Sonichu's Cwcville Documentrary]]". Please feel free to look the article up; I will upload the article pages and type the body on Cwcipedia later tonight.

Also, did you hear? Christian went missing. I've just heard about it from Kacey, then I read from another e-mail from someone else an accusation of ME kidnapping him. I promise you and everyone else, that I have NOT kidnapped him. I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHERE HE LIVES; his REAL address.

It's likely my fault, because I targeted and launched a POWERFUL [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]] at him. [[Chris and reality|OMG, did that attack ACTUALLY WORK?]]

Anyway, I am just feeling terrible about the situation.

I'll check in again later.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|uh, do you think you have magical powers? lol

-kate}}

{{quotebox|NOT Magic, and I'm not sure which word to appropriately use.

I've launched the curse upon Mary Lee Walsh in March, 2004 after she interrupted my Sweetheart Search attempts on October 7, 2003 and so; I KNOW it worked, because her Rep went Downhill. She edited a book, was quoted in newspapers, and was a good person before I cursed her with Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune. She still works at PVCC, but IDK about what else happened to her.

I apolgized to her recently, then she served me a Trespassing Notice; I refused the Certified Letter Delivery shorty after.}}

{{quoteboxred|Can you uncurse people? can you teach me this magic lol

-kate}}

==8/16/09==

{{quotebox|Putting [[Chris's resume|my resume]] online is the plan for today.

I have learned from my experiences that a CURSE or a BLESSING shot is mainly comprised of the respective Enraged or Caring you are currently feeling. I DO NOT ENCOURAGE YOU DO THIS, but I will tell you for your information. When cursing, I feel enraged or really angry; I channel that energy between my hands, gathering them in and throwing them towards either the target I'm angry at, or the ground or skyward; a choice of words are optional, but they do seem to add more oomph to the attack.

When removing the curse, or Blessing, I feel the caring emotions that comes more natural within me; I gather that energy into a ball, then release it onto a single target, or all around me within a certin radius.

Blessings are more encouraged than Cursing; I have learned that personally. Cursing is a double-edge sword; you curse someone else, and in turn, you later feel saddened that you've hurt that person, and in relation, but only for a short time, feel cursed yourself.

Think about that.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

==8/17/09==

{{quoteboxred|So, when do you think you are going to finish Episode 20? I mean, we just got the title...when will the action happen...well mroe lol

-kate}}

==8/18/09==

{{quotebox|I will upload the pages after I have colored them in; at least appreciate that I am actually trying to get Paper Published In Real Life on the side. FYI, I am on, and have drawn, Page 51.

Also, be on the lookout; I'm moving my YouTube.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

{{quoteboxred|I'm looking at your park poster, there's a typo. Typos don't look good lol

also, i understand why one of the Sonees is Pink and why one is Yellow but why is one Purple? was rosechu cheating on sonichu with magichan?

-kate}}

==8/19/09==

{{quotebox|THERE ARE TWO ROSEYS and ONLY One Sonee. Christine Rosey is Purple, because she is a Shiney Rosey. Pink for Cerah and Yellow for Robbie ARE NATURAL. NO CHEATING WHATSOEVER.

[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Why do people take such an innocent thing and make it obscene?]]

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

I'm sorry, Kate. BTW, you didn't respond to the two White Stripes songs I had dedicated to you in a recent video, the August 13 Update I think it was.

Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|I have noticed you have like over 30 characters total

it's very confusing}}

{{quotebox|Take it one character at a time, and take your time; you will not be confused. Also, spread the word; I'll make a video announcing it later, but I'm uploading my Comic Pages onto my deviantArt, http://cwcipedia.deviantart.com/; at least they'll be more secure on there. Also, check out the redrawn Sub-Episode 2, Page 3 page.}}

==8/21/09==

{{quoteboxred|So I went on a picnic today.

It sucked, I brought some chips and cookies but everyone else also brought that. Needless to say, we all went out for burgers later lol

-kate}}

==9/22/09==

{{quotebox|Sorry for not being in touch for a while. I hope you and your brother are doing well. I'm doing okay; I'm on the verge of getting a job, so that's been good with me. :)

Stay safe,
Christian.}}

==9/23/09==

{{quoteboxred|Oh! That's really interesting!

What kinda job are you getting?

-kate}}

==9/24/09==

{{quotebox|It's a job at my local [[Target]] on the Sales Floor.}}

{{quoteboxred|Oh, so what do you do at that job?

-kate}}

==9/30/09==

{{quoteboxred|Well, right now in my life, I'm taking some gen. Ed for school because I've been putting it off for too long lol

Let me tell you something, Indians aren't very interesting :(

-kate}}

==11/23/09==

{{quoteboxred|Hey, it's been a while Chris.

School's been VERY tough on me. My brother is playing the piano right now. He's terrible lol

So, what's been up with you?

-kate}}

==1/31/10==

{{quoteboxred|It's been a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time!

So, what's up with you?

I've been really peachy. My little brother is learning how to drive and I'm trying to teach him. It's a pain in the ass lol

Anyway, in the time span I've talked to you, I've lost two boyfriends lol

They were assholes and treated me like shit. Unlike my other friend, I know how to get out of shitty relationships. You been in any?}}

==6/13/10==

{{quoteboxred|I've heard some pretty bad things happened to you with this girl called (wallflower). Just wanted to let you know, that things will get better.

-Katie}}

Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)

2010-10-20T14:13:26Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

''This article is about Chris's stupid imaginary twin sister. For Chris's stupid imaginary future daughter, see [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]].''

[[Image:Crystal.jpg|right|thumb|Crystal in her human for-[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT EAR GOD DAMN!]]]]

'''Crystal Weston Chandler''' is the fictional twin sister of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Her role in his fantasy world stems from his long held desire to have a sibling to play with<ref>Mentioned in his [[Song of Christian]] video: "hoping" for a "lil brother."</ref> along with some narcissistic pleasure or even gender identity issue with seeing himself as an attractive female. Crystal represents one of the more embarrassing facets of Chris's mind. Since his notions of the perfect girlfriend, the perfect sister, and the perfect daughter so easily intersect, it is hard ''not'' to arrive at a conclusion involving [[incest]].

[[Image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|thumb|left|Notice how the "girlfriend" in this pic looks like a crude version of Crystal, even down to the shirt. Freud would have a fucking field day with Chris.]]

He appears to have first created the character in 2004 as "Crystal the Female Twin" for his set of custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, although another of those cards depicts Crystal as "Girlfriend's Gift". In fiction, Crystal wears a [[Rosechu]] [[medallion]] correlating to Chris's [[Sonichu]] medallion and [[Reldnahc]]'s [[Black Sonichu]] medallion; this is inconsistent (or is it?) with Chris's usual theme of Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake representing the hero, lover, and villain. In real life, Chris created the Rosechu medallion for his future girlfriend, which begs the question of how he expected to adapt this into the comics when his sister was running around wearing the same bauble as his fiancée.

Crystal's origin is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 5]], where she is made manifest by Chris employing his [[anchuent powers]] and [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to split into two ([[pickle|nearly]]) identical beings. Chris and Crystal wear the same [[Chris and fashion|outfits]] and even have the same super powers, although she lacks her brother's [[heterochromia]]. Throughout her appearances in the comics, characters are constantly noting how attractive she (and, by extension, Chris) is.

In 2007, Chris attempted to shock [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] into submission by posting his own [[Rule 34]] drawings, including one of himself [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|fingerbanging a nude brunette woman]]. ED users immediately concluded this was Crystal, a charge which infuriated Chris and therefore became the conventional wisdom. By the time Chris successfully convinced anyone that it was really [[Megan Schroeder]] in the drawing, the notion that Chris wants to bang his imaginary twin sister had already stuck. Nonetheless, Megan stopped being friends with him because of the whole business, so Chris lost on both counts.

The theme of incestuous narcissism is also prevalent in literature of the Romantic period, particularly that of Lord Byron, who apparently acted on Chris's fantasy. The theory is that the man in question is so much [[Chris and his ego| in love with himself]] that the only other person he could ever truly love is his closest genetic match. Furthermore, with the Romantic emphasis on sympathy through [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares|shared experience]], great nostalgia for [[Chris's room|childhood]], and desire to be "[[Love Quest|understood]]" (though complete disinterest in [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails|understanding]]) make a sibling an ideal sexual partner for the narcissist. Most of the Romantics saw the problem with this, and contented themselves with [[Sarah Hammer|childhood friends]], but then, Chris was never as smart as Wordsworth.
{{-}}

==In the comic==
[[Image:Crystalina_Rosechu.jpg|right|thumb|Crystal's furfag form, Crystalina Rosechu. Also the only Sailor Soldier to wear sneakers.]]

The comic version of Crystal was first introduced in [[Sub-Episode 4]], where she appeared to aid Chris during a battle with the [[W-M-Manajerk]] in the [[Mal-Wart]] Region. Beaten and nearly subdued, Chris had a vision of his Cherokian ancestor. He revealed to Chris that his [[Heart Torch]] is able to summon his "dream sibling". Crystal has also helped Chris battle [[Bagget]] and the [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder in the [[Get-Tar Region]], as well as Mary Lee Walsh at the [[PVCC]].

Crystal was trapped in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] in [[Sonichu 5]]. In an attempt to save Chris and [[Sailor Megtune]] from falling victim to the Mirror, she pushed them both out of the way, becoming captive in the Mirror herself. After her capture, a few token mentions have been made of her plight - at one point, it was said that gathering the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] would allow Crystal to escape the mirror - but for the most part she was largely forgotten, especially while Christian himself was stuck in the practically identical [[Time Void]].

Since Chris is ejecting everyone he created from his [[sweetheart search]] misadventures, the final fate of Crystal Weston Chandler seemed quite grim. Then, partway through [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris suddenly turned into [[Collosal Chan]] and rescued her by simply [[Sonichu Special 4|walking in]], [[I AM STRONG|scooping her up]] in his arms and walking out of the mirror in the most [[Chris and writing|anti-climactic way]]. Chris originally planned that he would hand over mayoral power to his sister at the end of this issue, but for [[ego|some reason]] decided not to.<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref>

Being Chris's twin, Crystal's powers are very similar to his. She can transform into a Rosechu called [[Crystalina Rosechu]]. When she and [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] join together, they are able to form [[Chris-Chan Pure]] and execute a powerful ultimate attack known as [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]].

Personality-wise, Crystal is a bland, stereotypical girl, who overindulges in girly stuff such as shopping and perfume. Her fashion sense is every bit as shitty as her twin brother, as she wears the same stupid striped clown shirts and even has her own stupid fucking Rosechu medallion. Crystal has an odd quirk where she constantly refers to Chris as "Christopher" instead of "Christian".
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:152-YuCrystal.jpg
Image:CrystalSquirtle.png|Crystal joins the [[Moon-Pals]].
File:Collosalcrystalina.png|Crystal+Sonichu balls or something.
File:Crystal 001.jpg|Chris's most prominent thoughts on this matter.
Image:CrystalHawt.jpg|Artist's depiction.
</gallery></center>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu76_wphCp8 CWC Sketch- Crystal]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Crystal Weston}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Pregnant Act

2010-10-20T02:30:58Z

EdtheHedgehog1894:

[[File:128747284554.png|thumb|Artist's rendition]]
[[File:JuniorMoviePoster.png|thumb|left|Leaked footage of the upcoming blockbuster movie]]

'''Pregnant Act''' is a creepy video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. In this video, we see more of Chris's [[Homos|transgender]] urges (while being able to physically see very little), as the scene begins with what amounts to a [[Chris and reality|biologically impossible]] (on multiple levels) self-impregnation, Chris having received what is presumably [[Jackie]]'s egg cell, which he has fertilized with his own [[navy]]. The 'pregnancy' is given form by padding under Chris's shirt, including the [[Plush Breasts|plush breasts]], in a scene straight out of Ed Gein's Bedtime Stories.

Having effectively screwed himself, the next scene has Chris on his back like some freakish turtle, futily attempting to right himself (with notable actual effort, and not just acting). The nightmare continues with the birthing scene, Chris now pointing the camera at his own crotch, and completing the birth by tossing a [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]] onto his... knees.

Finally, in a scene vaguely resembling [[Family Guy]], ManMom Chris has his stomach exposed, and the plush breasts stuffed down his [[sports bra]], while he forces the bear to suckle from the surely diseased, alkaline, bleach-smelling teat.

Chris removed the video the following day, and uploaded a newly recorded version shortly after.
{{clear}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Pregnant Act
| video = {{#ev:youtube|j7I2QBukJ4Y}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Male pregnancy}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VerticalRedYellowShirt|text}}, {{Cwcbra|text}}, {{K-SwissShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2281]]
| next = [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Oh my god... look at me! Huh! My girlfriend reverse-impregnated me! The egg came out of her, and got into me! When we were having sexxxsss... oh my gosh. Goodness... [''camera fumbling then jump cut'']

Hm. Ugh. Goodness its difficult to get up these days, with number one in the way. Oof! Little heavy made me fall down. Made me fall down! [''camera fumbling''] Maybe I try... and see if get up. Oop! I fell down again! [''mumbling''] Let me tell you... oof! Ahh! [''grunts, then jump cut'']

Oh my goodness, it's a big one! [''grunts, strains, and mumbles''] Must watch breath... one two three! [''gasps''] EEeeaaahhhhgh! Ah! [''throws a stuffed bear onto lap''] Well! Congratulate me! I gave birth to a little beautiful baby... bear. And she's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|female]]! Goodness... wow. [''jump cut'']

It's baby's open that's right little child. Eat all you want out of there. You eat all you want out of there. [''an electronic toy says "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"''] Ha! First w-her first words! [[30 August 2009|We]] love you too!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2281]]|nextlink=[[Breast Cancer Awareness]]}}

==The Remake==
Chris removed the original video on 19 October, and uploaded a new version of the video shortly after.
{{Infobox/video
| name = Pregnant Act
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sC8392Td5r4}}
| stardate = 19 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Male pregnancy}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertRedGreenShirt|text}}, {{Cwcbra|text}}
| previous = [[A Public Announcement for Congress]]
| next = [[A Workout]]
}}

===Transcript===

Oh my goodness me look at this I had sex with my girlfriend and it backfired on me, can’t believe this. Her egg went inside my dick and now it’s- now it’s been in me for like 9 months. Engh mani’m gunna get these stretch marks in a little while…ummgh dang. egh laying down it’s hard for me to get back up again. Eeeaauuh, ung ung ung! Ehh! Well that was a major push, hope I didn’t lose it there! Erro here come- aaa ahhh think it’s coming out the back…think it’s coming out the - aaaaa one two three one two three. Engh! Engh! ENNGGHHHHHAAA! Well will you look at that, I gave birth to a beautiful baby... girl bear! You- no- little babies drinking my breast milk. Yeah you enjoy that don’t ya? My lil- my lil girl.

[''Chris has his shirt pulled up, exposing his muscle bra and pale fish-belly, the bear is pressed up against the plush breasts''] It's baby's open that's right little child. Eat all you want out of there. You eat all you want out of there. [''an electronic toy says "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"''] Hmm.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]|nextlink=[[A Workout]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]