CWCki - User contributions [en]

"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!

2011-09-28T05:48:29Z

Enatai: Reverting Joe's vandalism.

'''"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!''' is a video released on 14 March 2010, in which Chris pleads to a [[gal-pal]] going by the pen name of [[The Wallflower|Damian Antaria]] to not get a new [[jerk|boyfriend]] and take him instead, because his life is unhappy. After singing (poorly) a shortened version of his song [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend"]], he then asks Damian to "give him a break", and talks about his miserable life, and how without a girlfriend, he would need to go back to his [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_February_11.2C_2010|plan]] to [[Chris_and_sex#Prostitution|pay $100 for a hooker]].

Uncharacteristically, Chris recorded and uploaded this video in the mid-afternoon. Thanks to his [[biological clock|peculiar day-night cycle]], he usually delivers his [[YouTube]] rants late at night or in the very early morning. The "boyfriend" Chris mentions eventually turned out to be an attempt by the Wallflower to get Chris off her back.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU<nowiki>!!!</nowiki>
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8axUqa5XUFA}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{DangerStripeShirt|text}}, {{PokemonLeague|text}}
| previous = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|Tito Got No Luck Against <br/>We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
| next = [[Happy Sonichu Day]]
}}

{{quote|You aren't even ready for a boyfriend! You told me so yourself, multiple times!}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris opens the video with a heavy [[sigh]] and removes his [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]]. His expression is troubled and grim.'']

This message goes out to Damian Antaria, her pen name. Not revealing her real name, all things considered. You know something? You don't, you don't need that new boyfriend, [[Chris and his ego|because... I need you]]. We were very compatible, we had so much in common! I don't see why you had to go and do that I mean, you aren't even [[Boyfriend-free girl|ready for a boyfriend]]! You told me so yourself, multiple times! I respected that for a little while. [''sigh''] But, you know what? This puts to mind a little something...

[''He bends down to pick something up off the floor, a remote control, and queues up the old [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video on his TV.'']

...I have put together before.

[''He begins singing.'']

Hey hey, you you<BR>
I don't like your boyfriend<BR>
No way, no way<BR>
I think you need a new one

Hey hey, you you<BR>
I could be your boyfriend<BR>
da na da, da na da<BR>
da da da, da da da

[''He begins waving his hands around spastically, which continues through his performance.'']

In a second you'll be [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|wrapped around my finger]]<BR>
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better<BR>
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?<BR>
He's so trollin' stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?

That old sumbah try to take you out of my life<BR>
But you know I could do it better<BR>
[[Liquid Chris|He's an impostor]], he's a poser<BR>
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle suit]]?

[''The singing mercifully ends.'']

C'mon. Damian. Damian Antaria. Give me a break! You know my, I don't want to be back in a situation where I'm, [[Virgin with rage|that desperate I got...]]

[''He holds up the [[Claw of Fail|claw]].'']

Go as far as to pay a [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|hundred dollars for a damn hooker]]. Give me a breaaak!! I'm a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin! I'm in a [[CWCville|hell of my own]]! [''sigh''] C'mon, please? Pleeeeaaaase? I've been so very worried about you, I've had [[Obesity|heartaches]] since last Wednesday. I've had [[Biological Clock|sleepless nights]]! It really hurts!

[''He clutches at his chest.'']

Heartaches hurt. Think about that.

[''He turns off the camera.'']

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan's American Idol Audition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|j2RcFduM84I}}
| maker = TheTubbyWhiteGuy
| stardate = 30 [[May 2010]]
| type =
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]|nextlink=[[Happy Sonichu Day]]|}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-14]]
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-14]]

Main Page

2011-09-28T05:47:26Z

Enatai: My, someone's devoted!

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__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__

[[Category:Special]]

Chris Destroys His Vibrator

2011-09-28T05:46:24Z

Enatai:

"'''Chris Destroys His Vibrator'''" (officially "'''ECV 00050'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] explains why he had to make [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|the two videos]] suggesting that he was [[gay]], in order to satisfy an agreement with [[Clyde Cash]]. He then attempts to honor another agreement with Clyde by destroying his [[vibrator]]. Or rather, he ''tries'' to destroy his vibrator, [[fail]]s, and simply takes it apart in a manner that would allow him to easily reassemble it. Many experts believe that ten seconds after filming this clip, Chris was already hastily putting his dildo back together, his anus hungering for its sweet, sweaty, [[Navy|salty]], poo-covered, rancid delights.

Chris apparently doesn't seem to understand that if he were actually straight, he would've disposed of the dildo the moment he got it instead of storing it in his room.

It is implied in this video that Christian could not issue this retraction until "one man" emailed him to say he recognized the sooper-sekrit clues in the previous videos. Apparently, if no one had solved the mystery Chris would have been forced to live as a homo forever.

==Description==
{{quotebox|I am Striaght ''[sic]'', and it took a Forced Lie in the previous video to make that Perfectly Clear. }}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Destroys His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UiJCri7IhwA}}
| stardate = 06 [[February 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| saga = {{Julie|text}}, {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet#Take_2|Chris Comes Out of the Closet, Take 2]]
| next = [[CWC Update 8 February 2009#Video|CWC Update 8 February 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I was lying out of my ass!|Chris, who is [[lie|definitely not a homo]].}}

=== Transcript ===

[''smacks [[camera]]'']

Hello.

Y'all may—some of you may have seen the, uh, video, which—of which I recently ''up''…lo—''loaded''… sayin’ that I was, uh… of the wrong… [[Homo|orientation]]. But any—but I w—I wanted to let y'all know that… I on—I did that… to save the life… of a trusted [[Julie|gal-pal]]. And she is eternally grateful from—to me for it. So, th—so, yes, as you can tell from my… non-verbal ''clues'', I was lying out of my ass! But I did it to save a l—to save ''her'' life, 'cause… [[Clyde Cash]]… would've harmed her, but I have gotten ''his word'' that, uh, he would not lay a finger on her.

And also, I had to make another… slight promise—uh… another promise, after making that—after ''that'': that I, uh, get rid of some… of my… unnecessary possessions. I wanted to let—I wanted to, uh, let him know, anyway, that I've already started. [''reaches off-camera for something'']

I destroyed… [''drops it, picks it up, puts it back in his hand''] ''this''. [''presents a disassembled [[vibrator]]'']

[''jump cut to Chris (apparently pre-disassembly) trying to snap the vibrator in half with his bare hands'']

[''jump cut to Chris really straining to break the vibrator'']

[''jump cut to Chris simply pulling the vibrator's two halves apart as they're designed to come apart'']

[''jump cut to Chris pulling the motor out of its half'']

[''jump cut to Chris holding the two halves in one hand'']

Dun-dun-''dunnn''! [''holds the pieces out like the [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Card_Crusher Card Crusher] before throwing them down'']

The—''that'' deed is done. I am ''straight''. ''I am straight.''

And it only—and it took me the, uh, one time… where I actually had to say the word… that I hated so much… for the first time in my life, ever. And then, later, it took… one man to, uh, send me an e-mail, lettin' me know that he ''realized'' the non-verbal clues… leading to—like, I was being forced to do that, and I had to lie out my ass.

Y'all can, uh, view the previously uploaded video… in its originality… [''sniffles''] and unaltered spec—in an unaltered—unaltered sense in my current Yah—[[YouTube]] account. But… I think I have proven myself well enough. [[Mass Debating|I was holding onto my ''manhood'']]—my straightness—by having [[Optimus Prime]] in my lap… [''reaches off-camera for poster and holds it up''] and my [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] behind me… that I look at every night to help keep me straight. [''puts poster away'']

I was ''born'' straight, and I will never be changed that way.

Thank you.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan vs. Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_Uga4JA354o}}
| stardate = 8 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RosechusPickle '''RosechusPickle''']
| subject = | type = Remix
| info = A battle of epic proportions.
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler: Test your might!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ydcRfctzkjI }}
| stardate = 12 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/MajorIronwood '''MajorIronwood''']
| subject =
| type = Remix
| info = FINISH HIM!
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Repairs His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5jP3QhwqM8o}}
| stardate = 17 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 '''tehcosmicexplorer08''']
| subject =
| type = Aftermath
| info = The truth can finally be revealed.
}}
==See also==

*[[Sign Destruction Video]]
*[[Sex toys]]
*[[Homos]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries|2009-02-06]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Julie saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-02-06]]

Main Page

2011-09-28T05:43:55Z

Enatai:

Curse-ye-ha-me-ha

2011-09-28T05:43:15Z

Enatai: Reverting Joe's vandalism.

[[Image:Cwcyehameha_crop.gif|center|CURSE YE HA ME HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]]
{{RageQuote|CURSE-YE-HA-ME-<br>HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!}}

{{Quote|When cursing, I feel enraged or really angry; I channel that energy between my hands, gathering them in and throwing them towards either the target I'm angry at, or the ground or skyward; a choice of words are optional, but they do seem to add more oomph to the attack.|Chris<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 6]]</ref>}}

[[Image:138-CurseYeHaMeHa.jpg|thumb|Yep.]]

The '''Curse-ye-ha-me-ha''', also referred to as '''Shin-ye-ha-me-ha''', is the [[retard|special]] finishing move of doom used by [[Chris]] when battling [[jerkops]], [[manajerks]], [[trolls]], and [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

It is performed exactly the same way as the famed Kamehameha maneuver used in the [[anime]] series ''Dragon Ball'' and ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'': by doing silly choreographed poses and slowly yelling the name of a famous [[Surfshack Tito|Hawaiʻian]] [[Wikipedia:Kamehameha|king]]. It's also possible that Chris was inspired by a scene in ''[[Excel Saga]]'', where the characters at one point perform a "Nabehameha"; a parody of the Kamehameha named after the series director, Shinichi "Nabeshin" Watanabe. If not directly inspired by ''Excel Saga'', it likely at least caused Chris to think of deriving his own version of the famous attack.

And yes, Chris has done this in public...

==Execution and effect==
In keeping with the [[Dragon Ball Z|Kamehameha]] maneuver he stole it from, the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha must be delivered slowly, with each syllable deliberately pronounced as the user summons his chi, finally ending with the last "ha!" and a blast of power followed by peace for the [[troll]], [[jerkop]] or [[manajerk]]. For optimal results, say it like the [[new narrator]] says it.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQfYyY24aCo#t=4m08s Sonichu - Subepisode 3! The Audiobook! Christian Chandler and Sonichu in "Witch Confront!"]</ref>

When desired, the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha can act as a standard energy blast to vaporize enemies. However, in other situations, the attack has no immediately apparent effects. Therein lies the "curse"—the attacker has subtly hexed the victim, guaranteeing that he will soon suffer unbearable misfortune.

While negotiating the production of [[Sonichu]] [[video games]] with [[Nintendo]], [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] informed Chris that "curse" is considered offensive in Japanese culture, and so all references to the spell have been changed to "Shin-ye-ha-me-ha." By [[August 2009]] Chris had become more willing to revert to the original name when sufficiently angry.

A less theatrical version of the move, the '''Curse Shot''', is delivered by simply holding out one's hand in the shape of a gun and miming the act of shooting the target. This achieves the same sort of ominous misfortune without requiring several minutes of preparation, which is handy if you're running away from mall security. This may or may not be inspired by "YuYu Hakusho", another anime series that aired on Cartoon Network, where the main character's signature attack was a similar move known as the "Spirit Gun". On a few occasions, he has performed a variation on this theme using his [[Megatron pistol]].

==Purpose==
Aside from creating the impression that Chris has [[Chris and religion|delusions of godhood]], the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha allows him to feel some sense of control over his world. Chris is too weak, stupid, and cowardly to directly act against those who give him [[stress]], but his curses require no effort from him except his own faith in their power. As long as it is impossible to prove the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha has no effect, Chris can allow himself to believe the universe will ultimately destroy his enemies, giving him a sense of triumph.

==Yes, he actually does this in public==
{{quote|[[Virgin with rage|Verbal Combat]] had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Chris<ref>From the 22 June 2005 entry in [[CWC's Diary]]</ref>}}

In addition to his performance of the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha at [[Wal-Mart]], key slanderous trolls have revealed that Chris performed the curse live and in person in the office of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], resulting in his suspension from [[PVCC]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref>. A documented performance of this attack has been recorded and it is shown in [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|this]] video.

==Yes, he actually thinks this works==
In [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]], when asked if he thinks his powers actually work, Chris commented:

{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at PVCC went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one [[Clyde Cash|specific Troll]] (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[wikipedia:common cold|life-threatening ailment]].|Chris, 06:28, 15 December 2009 (CET), [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}

[[Chris and his ego|Chris actually believes he has magic powers to curse people.]] Chris, as usual, [[fail]]s, this time with confusing correlation and causation - just because Mary Lee Walsh's reputation went down (even if we take Chris's biased view of Ms. Walsh at face value), it does not necessarily follow that it's a result of a curse-ye-ha-me-ha attack. This appears to stem from his inflated sense of self-importance: because he sees himself as an innocent man, he seems to believe that [[GodJesus|God]] has granted him magical powers with which to curse those who dare wrong him, a good example of his detachment from [[Chris and reality|reality]].

The following excerpt from the [[Katie Bay E-mails 6|Katie Bay e-mails]] describes his process of emitting a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha:

{{quote|I have learned from my experiences that a CURSE or a BLESSING shot is mainly comprised of the respective Enraged or Caring you are currently feeling. I DO NOT ENCOURAGE YOU DO THIS, but I will tell you for your information. When cursing, I feel enraged or really angry; I channel that energy between my hands, gathering them in and throwing them towards either the target I'm angry at, or the ground or skyward; a choice of words are optional, but they do seem to add more oomph to the attack.|Chris, on summoning metaphysical energy.}}

It must be reiterated that Chris actually thinks this works.

==Known victims==
In the comics, Chris applies the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha to Mary Lee Walsh and to the [[Jerkhief]], and these stories may reflect the two known public instances, or separate incidents, or purely wishful thinking. The curse seems to have had no effect on Walsh, even in fiction; after being seemingly atomized in [[Sub-Episode 3]], she simply returned none the worse for wear.

On 15 [[January 2009]], Chris delivered a Shin-ye-ha-me-ha [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|via YouTube]] to every troll who has contributed to his [[ED]] page and to [[4chan]].

[[Liquid Chris]], the dreaded brown-striped impostor, was on the receiving end of a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in a [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|14 August 2009 video]].

However, on 16 [[August 2009]] Chris elected to lift the curses he had previously unleashed, and performed the "Forgiveness Blessings" in a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|video]] to demonstrate his grace. During this retraction Chris claimed to have used the Curse Shot on over fifty men during his [[Love Quest]].

Due to the production of [[Audiobook]] DVDs, Chris has cursed [[Vivian Gee]] and anyone involved with the project.

On 1 [[February 2010]], Chris [[Address_to_Mao,_the_S.O.B.|cursed Mao Ling]], operator of the [[Asperpedia]], in response to a series of offensive advertisements on the [[CWCipedia]]. He was later coerced into delivering an [[Chris and Remorse|insincere forgiveness blessing]].

On 2 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Surfshack Tito (video)|performed a Curse Shot]] on [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] in response to his [[PSN]] account being hacked [[BlueSpike|yet]] [[Jack Thaddeus#PSN Hax|again]]. [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|This comes after Chris said that cursing people was evil, and that he would atone for it.]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|Hypocrite.]]

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Super Saiyan Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|oWO-v9V3dE4}}
| Stardate = 28 [[May 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCGundam CWCGundam]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = INFINITE RAGE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|99nZKlLLCWM}}
| Stardate = 19 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[Virgin with Rage]]
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WWmRqsQ6JJ4}}
| Stardate = 12 [[December 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IRAwEsOmE IRAwEsOmE]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]]
*[[Excel Saga]]
*[[Dragonball Z]]
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]]
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Love Quest]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Special Attacks]]

Main Page

2011-09-28T05:41:53Z

Enatai: Reverting Joe's vandalism. Clearly this'll have to happen a number of times.