CWCki - User contributions [en]

SpaghettiRoutine

2010-10-31T01:01:08Z

Famicon64:

'''SpaghettiRoutine''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris mimes the preparation of spaghetti. He had planned to actually cook some spaghetti in his [[Chris's kitchen|kitchen]], but [[Barb|his mother]] had cluttered up the stove. Chris then presents the finished dish served on a paper plate and rubs his face in it. As he wipes the sauce from his face, he makes a reference to an orange-faced [[Clyde Cash|Cashy type person]] he knows.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = SpaghettiRoutine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IZe8iAvUDMs}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Home Cooking}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ShowerClean2]]
| next = [[WelcometoBollywood]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[Image:Chefboyardee.jpg|thumb|right|The secret recipie of Chris's spaghetti.]]

For this presentation, I was going to make some spaghetti, live in the kitchen. But unfortunately, I don't have access to stove 'cause mom put a whole bunch of crap in the way. So, I am going to mime it. [''Mimes picking up a pot.']' Here's the pot. [''Wipes down the imaginary stove and mimes putting the pot on the burner.''] Put it on the stove. [''Mimes turning on the stove.']' Set it to the boiling temperature. ''Gestures upwards, making a sound that imitates steam rushing up, before tapping imaginary keys/buttons to his right.'' Boop-boop-boop-boop! Ah, in time the water's boiling. So we take the pot of spaghetti noodles...[''Mimics something unidentifiable.''] And...[''Hissing noises, wild gestures.''] Click click click! [''Stirring motions. Adopts a baby voice.''] Noodles, smell so good! [''Lifts pretend noodles as if on a spoon.''] Mm, hey look at that. Drippy, no sniffy! [?] [''Holds them close to the camera.''] I offer you some don—some non drippy! [?] But it's hot right now, so you might wanna wait a while. [''More hissing, more stirring.''] Yeah, I say our noodles are done. [''More imaginary knob turning. Chris motions as if holding a fishing rod.''] Hey, we pour—we drain the water out. [''Does so, and sets “pot” down.''] Get some plates. [''Mimes getting plates down.''] Oh wait...we're serving two! [''In light of this epiphany, Chris tosses the excess plates away and makes shattering sounds.''] Haha! I'm just kiddin'. [''More gesturing, seems to be serving spaghetti.''] Fork. [''Mimes scraping pot.''] We don't want any noodles left behind! We'll rinse that out later!

In the meantime, here's a good jar of marinara sauce. [''Produces imaginary sauce. Unscrews it with unnecessary groaning noises, then a pop sound to indicate the jar coming off.''] There we go, I popped the seal! [''Pours it.''] Bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop...and now some grated mozzarella! [''Sings while caressing the mozzarella.''] I gotta pop this seal. Bloop-bloop...[''Shakes it over the food.''] And we'll add other spices...from my father's collection, which includes rosemary, garlic, parsley, whatever. [''More “unsealing”, more “shaking.”'']

And you can make your own meatballs with processed meat and put it all on a tray or something, letting it grow [?!], and then rolling it all into balls. But they isn't not so good, not as good, are they? So, one way around that [?], you can buy your own meatballs. We had this pa-had this package of swedish meatballs, cook it in the microwave so they're warming up already. [''Opens a package of imaginary meatballs, does something unidentifiable to them, and appears to dump them all over the “table.”''] And in the end, I'll wa-I'll at least...we'll have a few plates, you get summat...like this! [''Turns the camera to focus on a plate of real spaghetti and meatballs on a paper plate. Zooms in an out on it.''] Yummy, yummy, delicious!

[''Focuses back on himself. Goes back to the baby voice.''] So now we can sit down and eat our spaghetti. It is so delicious. [''Stirs the plate of real spaghetti with a plastic fork.''] It smells so good![''Holds a forkful up to the camera.''] You want a bite? Look at this you want a bite? Mm, that good, myum. You better take a bite, because you know what? Watch this. [''Chris mashes his face into the spaghetti like a child and takes several disgusting bites, then emerges with sauce on his nose and chin. Holds out his arms and smiles like he did something worth praising.''] Ta-da! [''Laughs. Wipes his face with a paper towel.''] I'm just kiddin'. I wouldn't do that to you in real life. It's fun. Hey, at least my head's not fuckin' orange. Like a certain...[''Wipes nose some more'']...Cashey type person I know. [''Turns camera off.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ShowerClean2]]|nextlink=[[WelcometoBollywood]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

File:Chefboyardee.jpg

2010-10-31T00:55:59Z

Famicon64: A staple of the Chandler family diet.

A staple of the Chandler family diet.

DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS

2010-10-30T18:12:26Z

Famicon64: Updated article

{{quote|But, y'know, I wouldn't—I would not wear them on a daily basis I wear briefs. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do, uh, I get very [[stress]]ed out from, uh, people who yell at me or, uh, misunderstand me or [[trolls|talk bad about me]]. And, and, between that and other real-life stresses, uh, it just pen—it just builds up and sometimes uh, it just—I just have to—it just comes out and I sometimes accidentally, uh…poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, pooed their childhood diapers, much less pooed their…underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human. Nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.|[[Chris]] on his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS, [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|ECV 00095]] }}

[[Image:Autobiographical.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's gay evil twin shits himself and wets his pants.
 Notice that Chris uses the word "tinkle", a word used by children to describe urination.]]

'''DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS''' is a troll term for Chris's troubles with [[Wikipedia:Encopresis|encopresis]].

[[Stress]] (surprise, surprise) plays a large role in Chris's incontinence problems, as he has trouble controlling himself when under the hammer{{cite}}.

Chris is often expecting a fart when he suddenly realizes that the briefs that were so clean a moment ago are now DIRTY and CRAPPED<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref>.

He justifies his fecal incontinence by claiming that it is perfectly normal and quite common for adults to soil themselves on a regular basis. There are only 2 causes for a relatively healthy adult to shit themselves: 1. as a symptom of gastrointestinal distress 2. In a fit of vomiting, muscles throughout the body loosen with each successive heave to assist in expelling the stomach's contents. With all the body's energy being used for heaving, the anus is unable to stay tight and closed. This is more likely if diarrhea is present.

In [[2009#March|March 2009]], [[Ivy]] alleged that Chris's claims of dirty, crapped briefs are not, as some argued, merely skid-marks in his undergarments (presumably to assert he wears briefs enough to have skid-marks in them) but rather he has problems controlling his sphincter and apparently is open about the fact presumably to gain pity{{PublicSauce}}. It was also alleged that Chris's doctor has been trying to get him to wear [[Butt garments|pads]], and that [[Barb]] is tired of having to wash his crapped underwear{{PublicSauce}}.

It is likely that his brief-crappings are chronic, as in the chat of 04 March 2009 with [[Julie]], Julie's brother [[Max]] asks Chris if he's crapped his briefs and he yells "MAYBE!" but then admits that he has indeed crapped his pants with a "...Yes."

On 28 April 2009, Chris admitted in [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video]] that he craps his pants when he's stressed and says that it's perfectly normal, comparing shitting his pants as a grown man with a baby defecating in its diaper.

On 1 December 2009, Chris refused to offer advice to a girl who suggested that she had some degree of fecal incontinence, claiming that the topic was personal, and that he refused to talk about it. Given Chris's gloried history of bad taste and indiscretion, this drawing a line between what is private and public could be a milestone. Or perhaps he just found the idea of a girl who shits herself to be too icky for his tastes.

Further evidence of Chris's discomfort in talking about the subject lies in his choice of dated vocabulary. Rather than calling toilets a "toilet" or a "john," Chris refers to them formally and in an antiquated fashion as "commodes." CRAPPED BRIEFS are a Personal Subject.

On [[Don'tPintheOop|30 October 2010]], Chris revealed how he handles crapping himself in public. He admitted that when he craps himself, he goes into the nearest public restroom, walks into a stall and wipes his ass and shitty underwear with toilet paper. Otherwise, he waits until the drive home to clean himself up. Yes everyone, he openly admits not only to shitting his pants, but also to ''driving home'' with shit smeared all over his ass. This adds to the list of reasons not to accept a ride from Chris.
==Transcript==
21:13 <@[[Clyde Cash|clydeC]]> YOU WANT A MAN DEEP INSIDE YOU
 21:13 <%[[Christian Weston Chandler|ChrisChanSonichu]]> That, sir is INCORRECT.
 21:13 <@clydeC> YOU WANT TO WEAR A BRA AND PANTIES
 21:13 <@clydeC> [[:Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|OH WAIT,]] [[Muscle bra|YOU HAVE!]]
 21:13 <@clydeC> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
 21:13 <@[[BILLY_MAYS]]> ZING
 21:14 <%ChrisChanSonichu> Clothing does not make a person.
 21:14 <@clydeC> THAT ISN'T CLOTHING CHRIS
 21:14 <@clydeC> IT IS YOUR DESIRE TO BE A GIRL
 21:14 <@clydeC> THAT IS SHOWING
 21:14 <%ChrisChanSonichu> Bras and Panties are considered UNDERWEAR, and UNDERWEAR is a type of CLOTHING.
 21:14 <@clydeC> LOOK, I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE
 21:14 <@BILLY_MAYS> T-SHIRT = CLOTHING, BRA = FEMALE SUPPORT GARMENT
 21:14 <@clydeC> LOOK, BRAS ARE FOR FEMALES
 21:14 <@clydeC> SO EXPLAIN THAT
 21:15 <@clydeC> AND SO ARE PANTIES, UNLESS YOU'RE GAY
 21:15 <@clydeC> WHICH YOU ARE
 21:15 <%ChrisChanSonichu> Brief and Boxer = Clothing as well.
 21:15 <@clydeC> BUT THOSE ARE FOR GUYS
 21:15 <@clydeC> WHICH YOU DON'T WEAR APPARENTLY
 21:15 <@clydeC> BECAUSE YOU WEAR PANTIES
 '''21:15 <%ChrisChanSonichu> I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS.'''
 21:15 <@BILLY_MAYS> WAIT
 21:15 <@clydeC> WHAT? CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM!?
 21:15 <@BILLY_MAYS> YOU.... YOU....
 21:15 <@BILLY_MAYS> WHAT
 21:16 <@BILLY_MAYS> WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU OFFER THAT INFORMATION
 21:16 <%ChrisChanSonichu> at those times, it mostly slipped out without my knowledge.
 21:16 <@BILLY_MAYS> OH JESUS CHRIST NO
 21:16 <@clydeC> WOW, YOU'RE EVEN MORE PATHETIC THAN I IMAGINED
 21:16 <@clydeC> YOU'RE STILL IN THE CLOSET, AND YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR BOWELS

==Sources==
<references />
*[[IRC (20 January 2009)|Complete transcript of the chat containing the revelation]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms|Dirty Crapped Briefs]]

ShowerClean

2010-10-30T17:55:40Z

Famicon64: /* Transcript */

The '''ShowerClean''' videos are two short videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In the first video, Chris points out an area on his shower wall that he's going to clean. In the second video, he shows us the finished result. Chris then hints that he can achieve this same cleaning result on the rest of the shower, but then hesitates to explain when exactly he intends to do that, which would suggest he didn't clean any more of the shower later.

==ShowerClean1==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ShowerClean1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4UA97QK1KNA}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = Grey T-Shirt
| previous = [[Don'tPintheOop]]
| next = [[#ShowerClean2|ShowerClean2]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris focuses on a group of tiles with moldy grout, freshly sprayed with a cleaner.]''

Focusing on this one stain, right here, in the show— uhh, now.

''[Chris moves the camera to focus on his face and the cleaner.]''

This Shower Shine™…

''[Chris picks up a roll of paper towels.]''

…these paper towels… I'm gonna get that spot out.

At least make it look better.

==ShowerClean2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ShowerClean2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|s7jonwfM670}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = Grey T-Shirt
| previous = [[#ShowerClean1|ShowerClean1]]
| next = [[SpaghettiRoutine]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris focuses on his face.]''

All right.

''[Chris moves the camera onto the same set of tiles, slightly cleaner but still full of grimy grout.]''

Here we are. Take a look at that, huh? Stain is gone. Big stain is gone. And you know what? I can have the rest of it down— the rest of that mess off, too. But for this— for this video footage, I'll stop on that one spot for now.

''[Chris moves the camera back onto his face.]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Don'tPintheOop]]|nextlink=[[SpaghettiRoutine]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2010-10-25T22:33:49Z

Famicon64:

''This article is about Christian Weston Chandler, the Internet's favorite autistic manchild. For all other uses please visit [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]''

{{Quote|"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dante_Alighieri Dante Alighieri's] [http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Divine_Comedy/Inferno/Canto_III ''Inferno'', canto III, verse IX]}}

{{Honest}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-Chan
Ricardo Weston Chandler

CWC

Ian Brandon Anderson

Solid Chris

Chrissy

''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus''
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Welfare leech

Making [[fail|failtastic]] [[Sonichu]] comics
|-
|}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[Chris and Rape|perverse]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|disgusting]], [[Chris and the law|quarrelsome]], [[Chris and anger|mean-spirited]], [[Death threats|spiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[niggos|racist]], [[Chris and health|overweight]], [[Chris and reality|delusional]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|stubborn]], [[Chris and religion|heretical]], [[art|completely]] and [[writing|utterly]] [[music|untalented]] "[[autism|high-functioning autistic]]" [[virgin with rage|virgin]] man-child, and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[fail|brilliant]] crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit videogame franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his laughably [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him.

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]]]]
Much like the devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]." In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan." Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler." He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick." Interestingly 'clownish tender anarchist' is a perfect anagram of Chris' full name.

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo," and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler," or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

{{-}}

==Overview==

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|It's all right Chris, we already know since you annoy us to death about it]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris_and_his_ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed—by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]]—to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single bedroom in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Chris and art|Chris cannot draw. At all.]] Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 23, when the hand-drawn [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of ''Sonichu'' was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the [[Chris and sex|sexual]] maturity of a young adult male. As a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight. Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]] and [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]
[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]," was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely it is to be true.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that [[Wikipedia:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]] lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl — if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.)

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian," which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school." Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree at [[Wikipedia:KB Toys|Kay Bee Toys]] as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]].

This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg

</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]]]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7]], [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8P12.htm page 22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high-school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high-school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's (non)award winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face." Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre.''
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.]]
</gallery>}}

{{clear}}

===Adult adventures===

{{Quote|"It is certain, that even the most ignorant and stupid peasants, nay infants, nay even brute beasts, improve by experience.|[[Wikipedia:David Hume|David Hume]], [[Love_quest|having never met Chris]]}}

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on Sonichu, launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend… allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear]]

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', [[masturbation|masturbating]] and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a local game and card shop. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==

{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH]]

Chris's rare talent was discovered when he posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008 Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7]] unless his vast fan base rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce videos, comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.
{{clear}}

==Chris today==

{{main|2008|2009|2010}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell Sonichu products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|[[OkCupid|Hello]] [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]]!]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This appears to be connected to a reduction in his online presence, and the disappearance of his [[medallion]] and his [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]]. Of late Chris has become paranoid and has grown more suspicious of anyone online, imploring everyone to meet him in person if they ''really'' want to get to know him. Of course, Chris has [[List of Chris's Lies|a penchant for lying]], so talking to him in real life is as pointless as talking to him online.

Chris's desire to avoid being fooled has not made him any better at doing it, and the smart money was that sooner or later he'll fall for some "girl" that asks him to [[BlueSpike|shove stuff up his ass]]. No matter how hard Chris tries to avoid the trolling, he will always inexplicably find someone to troll him.

Today Chris continues to live with his parents, living off the [[monthly tugboat|money]] he receives from the federal government as compensation for his autism, which allegedly renders him incapable of contributing to society. Since he has no job and is usually banned from any place he visits for more than thirty minutes, Chris has few social outlets and has grown increasingly withdrawn. In his desperate need for attention, he repeatedly returns to the trolls, unwittingly proving that the only people who will put up with him are those who just want him to do something stupid for them to laugh at.

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|The videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan 3: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = Part 3 of the series
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - the 503 faces of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC a sad story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 'My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler' Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Cwcville Show
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rDyg8bxeyTM}}
| Stardate = 23 December 2009
| Maker = BigBlackPony
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]], Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]], Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==

{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Burger King

2010-10-23T16:40:29Z

Famicon64:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Robert, thy demise shall be a [[Wikipedia:Whopper|Whopper]]!"]]

'''[[Wikipedia:Burger King|Burger King]]''' is an [[United States of America|American]] chain of fast food restaurants headquartered in Miami, Florida and is [[Bob]]'s restaurant of choice, unlike Chris, who prefers [[McDonald's]], Burger King's competitor.

On occasion, Chris goes to Burger King with Bob, which has resulted in a field agent spotting him there.

==Sighting==
[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|right|Picture taken at the sighting.]]

{{main|Coffee Place}}

On 3 [[July 2010]] a field agent spotted Chris at his local Burger King. Bob, infuriated because he had arrived late for a discount on coffee, got into a argument with part-time manager Amanda. Eventually, Chris joined with a uproar "so loud, it would have awakened the dead."

The account in full:

{{quotebox|My family and I were there one morning a couple of weeks ago; my camera was screwing up with me, so I ended up with the photo of the front counter. I haven't been back for a while (Damn parents won't drive me back there), and I'm only 14.

Robert was shouting at Amanda, and eventually Chrissy joined in with an uproar so loud, it would have awaken the dead. It was in response to Amanda harassing them that day. I asked around after Robert and Chris left, without my family taking notice of me.

I can get away with anything within my reach; I'm the middle child of a set of three in my family. Sadly, we were only passing through that week on our way back from a visit with my Grandma and Grandpa in South VA; we live up in Boston.

Being bullied as a Freshman last year in my High School was no fucking picnic either. And I really loath ANYONE who is even considered "Special". I'm Special enough on my own for being invisible yet able to attract attention remotely with a mere thought or do-nothing and having to put up with the aggresiveness in my fucking family; I am very much the Master Mind in the family. My father is damned retarded.

But enough about me, I hate Chris as much as the rest of you. Stopping the presses on his books and giving up his website; it still pisses me off. If I recall correctly, it was about 10:30 when the Father and Son Duo left, so best bet is about 10:00 AM to try and intercept. I want to see Chris, if not both of them, squirm in torture from our Trolling of him. I really want to see him blow his top off again. LULZ.

Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.

For the LULZ!!!!}}

==See also==
*[[McDonald's]] - Chris's preferred fast food hamburger chain.

{{places}}

{{stub}}

[[Category:Places]]

October 2010

2010-10-22T23:12:54Z

Famicon64: /* Events of October 2010 */

[[File:128679185214.png|thumb|Artist's deciption of the first third of the month]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|On '''10 October''' Chris got into his in [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|his super-mode]]]]

'''October 2010''' sees the [[Jackie]] [[Saga]] ongoing, another excuse towards [[Michael Snyder]] and the prospect that Chris's "Trollbusters" antics are likely to continue. So far, Chris has released so many videos, it's as if he's trying to make up for all the time he spent away from the internet.

Following the "success" of his performance as Mr. Popo from last month, Chris appears to have to taken a liking to dress up in various half-assed, homemade costumes consisting of tape, facepaint and construction paper.

Just a little more than halfway through the month, Chris began releasing some even more bizarre performance pieces, many with a gender-bending theme, seemingly releasing videos purely for the sake of keeping in the public eye.

==Events of October 2010==
* 1 October - Chris makes an [[100 2261.MOV|apology video]] to [[The GAMe PLACe]], laying the blame for his behavior on [[video game]]-induced [[stress]]. [[Wikipedia#October 2010|The third attempt]] at a Wikipedia article is also made.
* 2 October - Chris uploads two videos. In the first, he demonstrates his like for Mary Poppins by [[I like Mary Poppins|dancing like the chimney sweeps]]. The second video is a full version of the [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|Lars Is Jivin']] video Chris uploaded at the end of last month.
* 3 October - Chris uploads a video where he [[100 2265|dresses up as the Hamburglar]].
* 4 October - Chris decides to [[100 2266|dress up as Grimace]] and sings a song about bullying.
* 7 October - Chris uploads three videos, [[100 2267|impersonating]] [[Clyde Cash]], [[100 2269|the Beatles]], [[100 2270|and]] [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary.]]
* 9 October - Chris uploads a video [[ECV 00001|explaining the Cherokees]]. He later uploads a video of him going on [[A Hike]].
* 10 October - Chris uploads a video where [[ECV 00002|he transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and goes on to tell people not to badmouth people, and proclaims his love for Jackie.
* 12 October - Chris uploads two videos, one where he [[100 2277|dresses up as Fred Flintstone]] and sings the theme song to ''The Flintstones'', and one where he imitates [[Cleveland Show|Cleveland Brown]].
* 12 October - The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs]], [[Sarah May Skype Logs]], and the last of the [[Reggie]] e-mails are released.
* 14 October - Chris uploads two videos in which he [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|dresses up as a wizard]] and [[100 2281‎|tries to appeal]] to Lars again.
* 19 October - Chris uploads a flurry of videos which include bizarre and inexplicable acts like simulating the act of [[Pregnant Act|giving birth]], raising awareness for [[Breast Cancer Awareness|breast cancer]], reenacting the [[Vitameatavegamin]] scene from [[I Love Lucy]], singing [[Gilligan Be or Not|a song]] from Gilligan's Island, and, as usual, [[A Public Announcement for Congress|making promises he'll never keep.]]

{{Timeline}}

Pregnant Act

2010-10-21T01:57:49Z

Famicon64: /* Transcript */

[[File:128747284554.png|thumb|Artist's rendition]]
[[File:JuniorMoviePoster.png|thumb|left|Leaked footage of the upcoming blockbuster movie]]

'''Pregnant Act''' is a creepy video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. In this video, we see more of Chris's [[Homos|transgender]] urges (while being able to physically see very little), as the scene begins with what amounts to a [[Chris and reality|biologically impossible]] (on multiple levels) self-impregnation, Chris having received what is presumably [[Jackie]]'s egg cell, which he has fertilized with his own [[navy]]. The 'pregnancy' is given form by padding under Chris's shirt, including the [[Plush Breasts|plush breasts]], in a scene straight out of Ed Gein's Bedtime Stories.

Having effectively screwed himself, the next scene has Chris on his back like some freakish turtle, futilely attempting to right himself (with notable actual effort, and not just acting). The nightmare continues with the birthing scene, Chris now pointing the camera at his own crotch, and completing the birth by tossing a [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]] onto his... knees.

Finally, in a scene vaguely resembling [[Family Guy]], ManMom Chris has his stomach exposed, and the plush breasts stuffed down his [[sports bra]], while he forces the bear to suckle from the surely diseased, alkaline, bleach-smelling teat.

Chris removed the video the following day, and uploaded a newly recorded version shortly after.
{{clear}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Pregnant Act
| video = {{#ev:youtube|j7I2QBukJ4Y}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Male pregnancy}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VerticalRedYellowShirt|text}}, {{Cwcbra|text}}, {{K-SwissShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2281]]
| next = [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Oh my god... look at me! Huh! My girlfriend reverse-impregnated me! [[Honor Roll|The egg came out of her, and got into me!]] When we were having sexxxsss... oh my gosh. Goodness... [''camera fumbling then jump cut'']

Hm. Ugh. Goodness it's difficult to get up these days, with number one in the way. Oof! Little heavy made me fall down. Made me fall down! [''camera fumbling''] Maybe I try... and see if get up. Oop! I fell down again! [''mumbling''] Let me tell you... oof! Ahh! [''grunts, then jump cut'']

Oh my goodness, it's a big one! [''grunts, strains, and mumbles''] Must watch breath... one two three! [''gasps''] EEeeaaahhhhgh! Ah! [''throws a stuffed bear onto lap''] Well! Congratulate me! I gave birth to a little beautiful baby... bear. And she's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|female]]! Goodness... wow. [''jump cut'']

It's baby's open that's right little child. Eat all you want out of there. You eat all you want out of there. [''an electronic toy says "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"''] Ha! First w-her first words! [[30 August 2009|We]] love you too!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2281]]|nextlink=[[Breast Cancer Awareness]]}}

==The Remake==
Chris removed the original video on 19 October, and uploaded a new version of the video shortly after. Now with improved lighting, and a more detailed explanation.
{{Infobox/video
| name = Pregnant Act
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sC8392Td5r4}}
| stardate = 19 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Male pregnancy}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertRedGreenShirt|text}}, {{Cwcbra|text}}
| previous = [[A Public Announcement for Congress]]
| next = [[A Workout]]
}}

===Transcript===

Oh my goodness [[Chris and English|me look at this]] I had sex with my girlfriend and it backfired on me, can’t believe this. Her egg went inside my [[Duck|dick]] and now it’s- now it’s been in me for like 9 months. Engh mani’m gunna get these stretch marks in a little while…ummgh dang. egh [[Obesity|laying down it’s hard for me to get back up again]]. Eeeaauuh, ung ung ung! Ehh! Well that was a major push, hope I didn’t lose it there! Erro here come- aaa ahhh think [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|it’s coming out the back]]…think it’s coming out the - aaaaa one two three one two three. Engh! Engh! ENNGGHHHHHAAA! Well will you look at that, I gave birth to a beautiful baby... girl bear! [''Chris has his shirt pulled up, exposing his muscle bra and pale fish-belly, the bear is pressed up against the plush breasts''] You- no- little babies drinking my [[Navy|breast milk]]. Yeah you enjoy that don’t ya? My lil- my lil girl.

[''an electronic toy says "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"''] Hmm.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]|nextlink=[[A Workout]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Pre-1980

2010-10-21T01:09:18Z

Famicon64: /* 1960s */

This page covers events in [[CWCki:CWChronology|CWChronology]] occurring '''before 1980'''.
==Timeline==
===Pre-1900===
*'''c.1501/1507 – 19 May 1536''' - life of [[Anne Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.
*'''1620''' - The ''Mayflower'' sails, allegedly with [[Daniel Weston]] aboard.
===1920s===
*'''4 September 1927''' - Birth of [[Bob Chandler]].
===1930s===
*'''1935''' - Bob begins collecting stamps.
*'''26 January 1936''' - Birth of [[Aunt Corrina]].
===1940s===
*'''1 October 1941''' - Birth of [[Barbara]].
*'''Unknown''' - Bob is stationed in Korea with the Signal Corps <ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeWYHFIKXJY</ref>. He later goes to college under the G.I. Bill and eventually starts his engineering career.
===1960s===
*'''16 June 1961''' - Barbara marries Ran Coleman Yeatts.
*'''28 November 1962'''<ref>http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/8/83/457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG</ref> - Birth of [[David Chandler]]
*'''24 July 1963''' - Birth of [[Cole Smithey]].
*'''7 July 1969''' - Birth of [[Carol Chandler]].

===1970s===
*'''Unknown''' - Bob and Barbara are persumed to have met around this time; the events leading up to the existance of Christopher Weston Chandler begin here.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Minor Family Members

2010-10-21T01:02:50Z

Famicon64: /* David Chandler */

[[Image:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 1.jpg|thumb|right|It's a Chandler family reunion! From bottom left, clockwise: Uncle Raymond, Cousin Jonathan, [[Christian]], [[Bob]], and everyone's favorite, [[Yawning Squirtle]].]]
[[Chris]]'s family has several '''minor family members''' who aren't important enough for their own articles.
==Chandler family==

=== Carol Chandler ===

'''Dr. Carol Suzanne Chandler''' (born 7 July 1969)<ref>[[:Image:457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG]]</ref> is Chris's half-sister and daughter of [[Bob Chandler]].

According to Chris, Carol is a Math "[[Chris and English#Spelling|Geinus]]" [sic] and "wiz". She won the [[1980s#1988|1988]] Mathematics department McShane Prize at the [[University of Virginia]].<ref>[http://artsandsciences.virginia.edu/mathematics/newsevents/awards/index.html Department of Mathematics], University of Virginia</ref>

Carol attended [[Providence Middle School]].<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Teenage Years]]</ref> Later, she was a member of [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]]. She earned a Ph.D. and is working for the federal government in Washington, D.C.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

=== David Chandler ===
[[Image:Davidchandler.jpg|right|thumb|David Alan Chandler, Call 1-900-DOCTORB. The B is for bargain!]]

'''Dr. David Alan Chandler''' (born circa 1962)<ref>http://www.healthgrades.com/directory_search/physician/profiles/dr-md-reports/dr-david-chandler-md-0ef7119f.cfm</ref> is an ophthalmologist (eye doctor/surgeon) in [[Richmond]], Glen Allen and Mechanicsville, Virginia, son of [[Bob Chandler]] and an unknown mother, and older half-brother to Chris.

David went to high school in [[Wikipedia:Chesterfield County, Virginia|Chesterfield County]]<ref>[http://www.richmondeye.com/physician_profile_chandler.asp]</ref>, studied medicine at [[Wikipedia:Virginia Commonwealth University|Virginia Commonwealth University]], and trained at [[Wikipedia:Washington Hospital Center|Washington Hospital Center]]. <ref>[http://www.wellness.com/dir/2474208/ophthalmologist/va/glen-allen/david-chandler-richmond-eye-associates-md]</ref> He has donated at least $1,000 to the Republican Party<ref>[http://www.campaignmoney.com/political/contributions/david-chandler.asp?cycle=08]</ref>, showing that, at least, he agrees with his father on politics. He specializes in small incision cataract extraction with lens implant, medical and surgical management of glaucoma, and the diagnosis and treatment of diabetic eye disease.<ref>[http://www.richmondeye.com/physician_profile_chandler.asp]</ref>

Very little is known about him, apart that Chris had an eye exam with him on 6 January [[2004]] and that Chris wasn't aware that David had a daughter by the name of Savannah, making Chris an uncle and Bob a grandfather.

Suffice to say, this is further evidence that the Chandler family bonds are "strained" at best.

Diary entry:
{{quote|'''January 6:''' Today, I had an appointment with my optometrist [''sic''], and big half-brother, Dr. David Alan Chandler, for an Eye-Exam. I needed new lenses, but I can keep my [[Pedo-glasses|current frames]]. But apparently, he has an 8-year-old daughter, Savannah. So for about 8 years, I’ve been an uncle and didn’t know it. Of course, this also makes my parents into grandparents as well. Needless to say, we were happy to know about that.|Christian Weston Chandler}}

=== Savannah Chandler ===
'''Savannah Chandler''' is Chris's half-niece and daughter of [[David Alan Chandler]] (Chris' half-brother).

Virtually zero information on her exists other than the fact that she was eight years old as of the very first week of [[2004]], which would mean she was most likely born in [[1990s#1995|1995]] or possibly in the first week of [[1990s#1996|1996]].

It's assumed that Chris has never met Savannah, as he has never provided any further information about her since his aforementioned ''January 6, [[2004]]'' blog entry about him discovering that she existed.
==Weston family==
=== Jonathan Carey ===
[[Image:JohnKerry.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's cousin?]]

Jonathan Carey<ref>http://www.woodfuneralservice.com/obituary.aspx?MemberId=55269&MName=Corrina%20Weston%20Carey%20Inge</ref> is a distant relative of Chris (the son of Barbara's sister's brother-in-law), who was married on the last weekend of June, [[2009]]. He lives in Red Oak, [[Virginia]]. According to Chris, his presence at the wedding is proof that he did [[lies|not murder]] [[Billy Mays]].

June 2009 Wedding Photos
<gallery>
Image:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 2.jpg
Image:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 3.png
Image:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 4.jpg
Image:ECP 00077.jpg|And an unwanted gift, too!
</gallery>

===Uncle Raymond ===
Uncle Raymond is Chris's uncle, and presumably Jonathan's father. According to Chris, Uncle Raymond can be contacted as a witness to Chris at Jonathan's wedding. Raymond is the brother of [[Barbara|Snorlax]], making Jonathan her nephew.

===Aunt Harriet===
[[Image:0039-AuntHerriet.jpg|thumb|left|This is pretty much all we've got.]]
[[File:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|thumb|right|Save for this.]]
'''Harriet Ashby''' (née '''Weston''') is Barbara's sister, seems to admire the American presidents, and considering the number of flags she has on her Christmas tree, she is a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT.

== Sources ==
<references />

== External Links ==
*[http://www.richmondeye.com/physician_profile_chandler.asp Dr. Chandler's profile]

{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People]]

Gilligan Be or Not

2010-10-20T17:13:05Z

Famicon64: /* Transcript */

'''Gilligan Be or Not''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. Chris performs a soliloquy of sorts from the TV show ''[[Gilligan's Island]]''.

One episode of the series featured the cast performing a cut-down version of Shakespeare's ''Hamlet'', opening with Gilligan delivering a rhyming riff on the famous "To be or not to be" scene. Those are the lines that Chris is (more or less) repeating here.

He also utterly mangles the Habanera from ''Carmen'', but [[music]] has never been [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)| his strong suit]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Gilligan Be or Not
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FkYWc6YJWYw}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]
| next = [[Vitameatavegamin]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[Chris appears, making some indescribable noise]''

Parumpumpum. I ask to be or not to be, A rogue or peasant slave is what you see. [[Chris|A boy who loved his mother’s knee]], and so I ask to be or not to be. So here’s my [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|plea]], I [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|beg]] of thee, and say you [[White knight|see a little hope for me]]. To fight or flee, to fight or flee, I ask myself to be or not to be. I as to be or not to be, that is the question that I ask of me. Ask you can see, as you can see, that is the question that I ask of me. I am curious, where I should be, (and what is our community?) To fight or flee, to fight or flee? I ask myself to be or noooootttt to be? Parumpumpuuuum.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Breast Cancer Awareness]]|nextlink=[[Vitameatavegamin]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Vitameatavegamin

2010-10-19T22:10:55Z

Famicon64: /* Transcript */

'''Vitameatavegamin''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. In it, Chris repeats, almost verbatim, a well-known bit from the ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' TV show, where Lucy hawked a patent medicine.

Chris does a reasonably good job of repeating the lines, but his rapid delivery mangles the sentence [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|"Do you poop out at parties?"]]

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Vitameatavegamin
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gAqqSJssgBQ}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = Unknown White T
| previous = [[Gilligan Be or Not]]
| next = [[A Public Announcement for Congress]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris walks on camera and waves cheerfully.'']

Hello, friends! I'm your Vitameatavegamin man! Are you tired, [[Chris and health|run-down]], [[Stress|listless]]? [[Chris and English|D'yapoopaparties]]?!
[''He waves his head around in a circle.'']

Are you [[Chris|unpopular]]? Yes, all your problems... This, in a bottle!

[''He picks up a bottle of vitamin pills.'']

Vitameatavegamin! Vitameatavegamin contains vitamins, meat, [[Pickle|vegetables]] and minerals! Yes, with Vitameatavegamin you can [[Homos|spoon your way to health]]. Just take one tablespoonful after every meal.

[''He mimes eating a spoonful of the bottle's contents.'']

It's so tasty, too! It tastes just like [[Fanta|can-daay]]! So why don't you join the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin TA-MORROW! That's Vita-meata-vegamin!

[''He puts down the bottle and walks off camera.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Gilligan Be or Not]]|nextlink=[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

The Simpsons

2010-10-12T18:40:05Z

Famicon64:

[[Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|thumb|Chris rips off Homer's catchphrase.]]

'''''The Simpsons''''' is a cartoon about an extremely dysfunctional family, their daily life, and their various wacky adventures. At first the show was considered a classic, but over the years the quality has degenerated, with ridiculous storylines and token celebrity appearances now the order of the day.

Of course, like all mediocre cartoons, [[Chris]] loves it, although not as much as he loves the sub-par rip-off, ''[[Family Guy]]''.

It goes without saying that the cutting [[parody|satire]] that has characterized the show (at least in its golden years) goes over Chris's head.

==The show and Chris==

[[File:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|They would later have their own [[Bob Walks In|family bonding]]...]]

Chris has ripped off or referenced the Simpsons many times in his life. Specifically:

*In the [[You_know_what,_I_HATE_ME_TOO!!!|gallery of fail]] Chris added to his own [[Encyclopedia_Dramatica|Encyclopedia Dramatica article]] in March 2008, Chris tried to show some humility by having himself rip off Homer's catchphrase, seen right.
*Chris video'd himself [[What%27s_the_Name,_Christian_Chandler,_C_H_R_I_S_C_H_A_N|singing his own version of the Mr. Plow remix]] that featured in a recent ''The Simpsons'' 20th anniversary special.
*When Chris finally [[Long_Island_Iced_Tea#Grip_.27n.27_Sip|decided to drink alcohol]], his drink of choice was the [[wikipedia:Long_Island_Iced_Tea|Long Island Iced Tea]], influenced by [[wikipedia:The_Great_Money_Caper|an episode where Marge Simpson drank one]].
*The [[Secret Weapon]] video that at times Chris laughs like Nelson, a character of the series known for his signature "Ha-ha!" laugh.
*Chris also seems to have lifted the idea of a second Valentine's Day called "[[Christian_Love_Day#Christian_Love_Day|Love Day]]" from the episode [[wikipedia:Trash_of_the_Titans|Trash of the Titans]]." Of course, Chris missed the point that the holiday was an artificial one born out of [[Ego#Materialism|greed and selfishness]] rather than love, and also that the very people who created it thought it sounded stupid when they said the name should be, "like 'Love Day,' only not so lame."
*Many trolls have also noticed [[Sandy Rosechu]]'s similarities to Lisa Simpson, as both have spiky hair and are said to be child prodigies. The difference is that Lisa isn't a bastard child born from an egg, and she has a personality.
*In the [[Common_Questions#28_December_2009|Common Questions]] section of the CWCipedia, Chris was called out on blatantly stealing jokes from many other shows. Chris justified himself by saying that "''Like Family Guy, Simpsons, Excel Saga, and even South Park, taking jokes is of acceptable practice; it works when the author is short on original jokes, and wants to fill in a good one. Everybody does it. "[[wikipedia:Simpsons_Already_Did_It|Simpsons]] [[South_Park|Did It]]."''"
*In [[Sonichu 8]], erotic artwork of Marge Simpson can be seen on the 63rd floor.
*In [[Mumble_4]], Chris compared his life to Homer Simpson while arguing with Clyde Cash (and doing an impersonation of Homer).
*Chris downloaded [[wikipedia:The_Simpsons_Game|The Simpsons Game]] on the [[List_of_Chris's_games|PS3]].
*In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris "created" Constable Lou who may be connected to Sergeant Lou.
*In the '[[Chris_dispels_videogame_rumors#cite_ref-0s|Chris dispels videogame rumors]]' video, Chris stole a joke from Sideshow Bob, butchered it horribly, and referenced it so far out of context that it made no sense to almost anybody.
*In the ongoing Jackie saga, Chris decided to [[100 2277|cosplay Homer Simpson wearing Fred Flintstone's shirt]].

==Vocal impressions==

In [[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3.5|BlueSpike's PSN Chat v3.5]], Chris attempts (very poorly) some impressions of various Simpsons characters (specifically Mr Burns, Homer, Marge and Maggie). He would do the same in Mumble 7, impersonating Homer and Bender; in an eerie bit of foreshadowing, Chris's Homer and Bender voices [[BlueSpike|sound exactly the same]] but Chris doesn't notice.

==Marge poster==
[[File:Sexy Flanders.jpg|thumb|What Chris thinks of when he sees the Marge poster.]]
[[Image:MargePoster.jpg|left|thumb|The picture of a married woman Chris faps to.]]

Recently, it seems that the centerfold poster of [http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2009/10/marge-simpson-playboy-photos-revealed/ Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a [[homos#Defenses against becoming homo|homo]].

Interestingly enough, there were two potential choices for him to pin on his wall; the first was a coy, innocent picture of Marge undressing (breasts visible but nipples concealed), the shadow of an eager Homer projected onto the rear wall, with Marge making eye contact with her husband.

The second was of Marge wearing a see-through dress, looking directly at the camera and offering [[obesity|donuts]] to the viewer. Chris, ever classy, picked the one that has the most visible [[Plush Breasts|breasts]] and rejected the one that even had the shadow of a [[jerk|man]] on it (especially since Marge was looking at Homer, and not [[Chris|the camera]]).

Marge, of course, is a married woman. Not that this would [[Kacey|stop Chris... or even slow him down.]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:The Simpsons|''The Simpsons'']] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons}}
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

100 2277

2010-10-12T18:35:14Z

Famicon64: /* Transcription */

[[File:FredFlintstone.jpg|thumb|Fred's reaction to this.]]

'''100 2277''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 12 [[October 2010]] in which he dresses as Fred Flintstone, then cosplays as Homer Simpson cosplaying as Fred.

Right away, we're bombarded with a horrible, inaccurate, badly-paced impersonation as Chris attempts a deep, manly voice to [[Chris and Music#Singing|sing]] the theme to ''The Flintstones''- and fails right away by starting with ''[[The Simpsons]]'' [[parody]] version. The resulting voice is more along the lines of a frog who sings only in flats. To this, his latest construction paper costume is a even simpler version of Fred's one-piece toga/loincloth outfit: a single sheet of the paper, with dots scribbled on it.

It may be worth noting that Chris mumbles his way through the line "We'll have a [[Homos|gay]] old time," with "gay" meaning "happy" in this context. It is notable because Chris doesn't show any of his usual homophobia to this line by trying to change the lyrics. Either he recognises the non-sexual meaning of "gay", or the theme song is so ingrained into his memory, that he doesn't realise what he's singing. Unfortunately, in a bit of inconvenient timing surpassed only by the Zapruder film, at this key moment, Chris's costume begins to fall apart, making it difficult to discern whether he mumbled the line in aversion to anything even remotely gay, or in distraction of repairing his costume.

After that, and the obligatory [[Random-access humor|stolen quote]], he then sings (also badly) ''The Simpsons'' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmP_t4_lpzo parody of the song], complete with a "mask" of Homer's face. It should be noted that this mask has square eyes, similar to that of his pre-[[Megan]], pre-[[anime]]-style drawings and [[comics]], but merely ends up bearing a closer resemblance to "The Smiley Face", of 70's pop-culture fame. This is topped off with an additional red piece, shaped to make a yelling mouth.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2277
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vs47eq7TTys}}
| stardate = 12 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}},{{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{RedYellowStripeShirt}} The Racing Stripe
| previous = [[ECV 00002]]
| next = Current
}}

=== Transcription ===

[[File:ChrisFlintstone.png|thumb|300px|Possible descendant of Fred Flintstone?]]

Yabba, dabba, ''doo!''

[''Chris shows a toy of the Flintstones' stone-age car, and plays with it throughout the video, as if it was being driven through the air'']

Sim-- Flint-stones, meeet the Flint-stones, they're the modern [[Bob|stone-age]] famileee!
From the, town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of hisss-store-eee!

Let's ride, with the family down the street,
Through the, courtesy of Fred's two feet! [''Chris's fingers mime a waking action in front of the toy'']

[''Short pause'']

When you're, with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba-dabba-doo-time,
Dabba [[Dirty, Crapped Briefs|doo]]-time, [''Chris's "costume" begins to fall, distracting him from singing'']
[''Mumbled''], We'll have a [[gay]] old time!

[''Mercifully drops the accent'']

And now for something... ''suh-lightly'' different!

[''Chris adopts a new accent, covering his face with a crude smiley face mask'']
Yabba, dabba''aahh'', doo!

Simpson, Homer Simpson,
He's the greatest guy in hiss-store-eee!
From the, town of Springfield;
[[Random-access humor|He's about to hit a chesnut tree]]!

[''Chris pulls out an accessory to the yellow mask: an accompanying mouth to:'']
''YAAAAAAAAAH!''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ECV_00002]]|nextlink=''Current''}}

{{Template:Cosplay videos}}
{{Template:Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Pre-1980

2010-10-08T20:41:10Z

Famicon64:

This page covers events in [[CWCki:CWChronology|CWChronology]] occurring '''before 1980'''.
==Timeline==
===Pre-1900===
*'''c.1501/1507 – 19 May 1536''' - life of [[Anne Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.
*'''1620''' - The ''Mayflower'' sails, allegedly with [[Daniel Weston]] aboard.
===1920s===
*'''4 September 1927''' - Birth of [[Bob Chandler]].
===1930s===
*'''1935''' - Bob begins collecting stamps.
*'''26 January 1936''' - Birth of [[Aunt Corrina]].
===1940s===
*'''1 October 1941''' - Birth of [[Barbara]].
*'''Unknown''' - Bob is stationed in Korea with the Signal Corps <ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeWYHFIKXJY</ref>. He later goes to college under the G.I. Bill and eventually starts his engineering career.
===1960s===
*'''24 July 1963''' - Birth of [[Cole Smithey]].
*'''7 July 1969''' - Birth of [[Carol Chandler]].
===1970s===
*'''Unknown''' - Bob and Barbara are persumed to have met around this time; the events leading up to the existance of Christopher Weston Chandler begin here.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and health

2010-10-08T20:03:38Z

Famicon64: /* Mental health */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some [[Guitar Hero]] on [[Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or Burger King (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring caloric intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy-to-make food that often is not healthy.{{cite}} Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home, or fast food, either alone or with his father.
* Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara (although with her deteriorating health, her poorly cooked meals may just become replaced by more fast food) or fast food.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence#Constipation</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atorvastatin Lipitor] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]
* [[Chick-fil-A]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. One might say that Chris is actually strong from having a lot of weight; however, in normal people, this happens because the muscles must build up in order to be capable of moving a large weight. Since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of blubber, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, he's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said body odor masked with gallons of Axe.

Because of the lack of showers and the decrepit state of his home, the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. Curiously, he endorses Axe Shower Gel. Considering that he refuses to take showers and is a sucker for Axe products, one wonders what he even bothers using it for.

Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes. Close perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as many as three or four days at a stretch. Fortunately, for his wardrobe at least, Chris sleeps in the nude, except for socks.{{cite}} There's something to think about.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

In the [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]], neither of them recall Chris emitting any particular stench, implying that this is a problem that started after Chris stopped regularly going outside. However, according to someone who contacted Wes Iseli, Chris was already odorous around the time he attended PVCC. This suggests that Chris would shower for his evenings at the GAMe PLACe but not for school. It's also worth noting that Chris mentions in his FAQ's that he showers "nightly". If this is true, Chris's nightly showers are a complete waste of time, as he goes from the shower to bed (most likely) and then marinates in his own sweat while sleeping, thus reinvigorating his unpleasant odor for another day.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. Mimms and Lucas recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at the GAMe PLACe, and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he keeps a bottle on hand at all times.

{{clear}}

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}
==Mental health==
[[Image:Grimace.jpg|thumb|right|Without a doubt, one can tell that an almost 30 year old man who cuts out and dresses up in paper costumes is insane.]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some ''Playboy'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and rainbows. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. Clearly she needs to seek professional help too. Or she was just telling him that because, well, that's what mothers do.

* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[Billy Mays]] would have looked the same if Billy shaved off his beard. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg Sonichu 7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==

[[File:ChrisAging.jpg|thumb|140 px|]]

In [[Jackie e-mails|correspondence]] with Jackie, Chris revealed he was checked for STDs.

'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Bent at a horrifying 45 degree angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly Peyronie's disease), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably, thankfully, never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|the taxpayers']]) money.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in [[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this photo]] of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a 3-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Aspergers Syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch, and accent. It can probably work backwards too, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls Conker of ''Conker's Bad Fur Day''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction, which such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're in the spectrum of Autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent for the rest of his life. His whole good, 10 years if he's '''''lucky''''', life.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

100 2267

2010-10-08T19:03:45Z

Famicon64: /* Transcription */

'''100 2267''' is one of three videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 7 [[October 2010]]. In this video Chris decides to insult [[Clyde Cash]] by making an overblown impression of him and imitating his fake tan by dressing up in [[black]]face, bizarrely (although probably [[Niggos|not by Chris's standards]]), although at least he got the part of Clyde's image being that of a kissy-face-making Guido correct.

Then all of a sudden he rambles about how he deserves to die and about how he raped [[Panda]].
{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2267
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPsy3QwPiAo}}
| stardate = 7 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{PityShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2266]]
| next = [[100 2269]]
}}

=== Transcription ===
[[File:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash is not amused]]
''[Off camera]''-eep.

''[Jumps into view, face covered in brown paint and wearing a white t-shirt with "I GOT WHAT I DESERVE" on it]''

''[Strange, relatively low-pitched voice]'' Heeeeey, folks! It's me, Clyde Cash. I am the ruler of the internet and the internet trolls. I am an [[Chris and hypocrisy|adulterous foe, a bastard and a self-righteous idiot]] who spends his time following and trolling [[Chris and his Ego|the one]] [[Liquid Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]], and making up a whole bunch of dadgum rumors all over the internet! ''[Raises arms angrily]'' I am a phenomenon! And you know what, I am a [[Chris and English|spawn of spatan]] so I got what I deserve! Nothing! Nothing very good, nothing good, nothing decent, I have no... sense of pride for myself, because I got everything handed to me on a [[Monthly Tugboat|silver platter]], I [[Chris and rape|raped]] his [[PandaHalo|Australian girlfriend]]! And then married her! And now I have a [[4-cent_garbage|one cent daughter]]. I am AN IDIOT!!

''[Voice changes suddenly, gets harsher]''
Rule over me, watch over me! Seriously, take me down! I want you to kill me! Clyde Cash, [[Death threats|kill me now! Kill me now]], [[Chris and psychology|I don't want to live this life of being a spawn of Satan anymore! Aaaaah!]]
{{-}}

==See also==
*[[100 2269]]
*[[100 2270]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2266]]|nextlink=[[100 2269]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

KCWC broadcast

2010-10-06T19:40:53Z

Famicon64: /* Transcription */

[[File:Damntrolls.png|thumb|350px|[[Cwcville#Government_and_politics|Chris owns the world, baby.]]]]

'''KCWC broadcast''' is a taped "broadcast" of [[KCWC]] that was included as the soundtrack for the slideshow portion of the "[[DVD|Yep, I'm on TV :)]]" DVD.

This "broadcast" is notable of Chris's childlike behavior, with [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]] "calling in" to request a song for [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] 71st birthday and humoring Chris like a six year old, as well as the fact that many of the songs he plays are from [[video games]]. Though many video games do have catchy themes, [[Chris|no one in their right mind]] would listen to them over the radio.

Besides the crappy video game music, the only other songs Chris plays are old songs that nobody from his generation onwards has probably ever heard of, all from the 1900s to 1950s by artists such as [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frank Sinatra]] and [[Wikipedia:Joe Loss|Joe Loss]]. We can probably thank [[Robert Franklin Chandler|Bob]] for [[Chris_and_music#Musical_tastes|Chris's musical tastes]].

The broadcast has several special "guests," notably [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|''Alvin and the Chipmunks'']], as well as [[Wikipedia:Myles Standish|Myles Standish]], who, after riding on board [[Daniel Weston|the Mayflower]] to the [[United States of America|new world]], has apparently became a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] fan. Keep in mind, this was made when he was ''sixteen'' years old, in his junior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]].

Also, on the DVD cover, Chris incorrectly says that this was taped in August [[1997]]. This is impossible, as there is a commercial on this tape for Cousin Skeeter, a show on Nickelodeon that premiered in September 1998, and Bob wouldn't turn 71 until this month, either. It is pretty sad that Chris can't remember when his father's birthday is.

==Audio==
===Part I===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|S-jRds729ZI}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
{{transcription}}
{{stub}}
'''Chris:'''[''whispering''] Quiet, we're on the air.

[''Chris makes some random chiming noises'']

'''Chris:''' [''ba-ba-ba-bum in a singing voice''] ''It's time to open up that radio station. It's that cool radio station. Here it is, station K-C-W-C! And here is your host, with the most, Christian Chandler!'' [''ba-ba-ba-bum'']

[tape skips between recording]

'''Chris:''' Good morning, [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|guys, gals, and dudes of all ages]]! This is your host Christian Chandler here on everything KCWC. You know I usually wake up
[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|a little cranky]] in the morning when I wake up, 'cause you know it's six o-clock in the morning. But this morning [[Chris and Ego|I own the world]], I can do anything I want. So this morning we're gonna start us off with a little ditty from ol' [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frankie Sinatra]]. This song is titled [''bad singing voice''], "I Got the World on a Stri-i-ing." [''normal voice''] That's a real good song, y'know? So take it away, Frankie, and get [[Red String of Fate|that string]] wrapped around on your finger, we're also gonna have some rain! [''Chris laughs'']

[tape skips again]

[Frank Sinatra's version of "[[Wikipedia:I've Got the World on a String|I've Got the World on a String]]" plays]

'''Chris:''' Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Well, I got more to come along with more tunes and all that, 'cause you're listening to everything KCWC. Before we release the next song, I happen to have a guest star in the studio with me, you wanna know who he is? I'll tell ya, here he is, ol' [[Wikipedia:Chico Marx|Chico Marx]], let's give him a big hand! [''Chris claps as the tape stops'']

[A recording of Chico Marx appearing on radio show ''The Fitch Bandwagon'' plays, after Marx does a comedy bit, Skip Nelson's "Velvet Moon" plays.]

[Tape stops and resumes recording with Chris clapping]

'''Chris:''' Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Whattaya say, Chico Marx? How does it feel to be here on station KCWC?

'''Chris:''' [''badly impersonating Chico Marx in a high pitched voice''] Well I must say I feels, it uh-feels to be great here's on this station on the uh-radio. And I really must be going.

'''Chris:''' Oh well, when you gotta go, when you gotta go. Right, Chico?

'''Chris:''' [''in his Chico voice''] That's right, I'll see you later, kids! Bye!

'''Chris:''' O-okay, bye! Well, wasn't he a great guest star folks? But I gotta tell you what now, we had a request for a certain song from a certain movie. Well I'm gonna throw a contest [stutters], now I'm gonna throw a surprise, I'm gonna give away a dinner for two at O'Toole's. If anyone can guess which movie this specific song came from. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Remember that number, and I'll take any caller who will call in. I hope somebody who calls in, will win. Okay, take it away mysterious movie!

[Tape stops again and resumes with "[[Wikipedia:Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin'|Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin']]" by [[Wikipedia:Joe Loss|Joe Loss]] playing. Part one stops in the middle of this song.]

===Part II===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|aNSPbPdcWZo}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
[''"[[Wikipedia:Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin'|Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin']]" by [[Wikipedia:Joe Loss|Joe Loss]] resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.'']

'''Chris:''' Wasn't that a beautiful song, folks? Oh yes, that was- that song was "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from the famous movie "Oklahoma" and we got a winner here, folks! His name is Fredrick C. Wilberg, and he'll be a wi-he'll get that there out to toe-tools. I hope [[Homos|he and his friend enjoys themselves]], but right now we're gonna cut from the music, and go right to the news!

'''Chris:''' So here it is, take it away, news! [''Chris imitates a radio station's news transition jingle with a series of "do do do do"s before switching to what he believed to be a deeper voice''] Good evening! This is Ted Baxter here with the news. First we will go with our [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|local news]]. Here we are at the [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|Mario racetrack]] where we just had an accident. Mario and Yoshi went bumper-to-bumper and their tires fell off, but don't worry, nothing much though. [[Chris and reality|They just got-they each just got cut on their left knees]], but don't worry, [[Fail|their mommies are taking care of them]], and now--and now, and the carts are being pulled away into the cart garage and everthing will be okay soon. As a matter of fact, they're gonna be repaired by noon. [''half-assed laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Anyway, here we go to the weather. Take it away, Weatherboy. [''Chris' voice shifts into a higher pitch, possibly an extremely bad New Jersey accent''] Okay! 'ere we go with the weather! We see the ha-with the-with the-with the local weather! It is now 89 degrees and partly cloudy, but tomorrow it's gonna be different. Actually, tonight, it'll be 91 degrees and, uh, there will be no rain. No rain, but it will be perfectly clear, and uh, tomorrow, it will be 91 degrees and, well, perfectly sunny, but we're maybe due for a shower though as a 30% chance. Back to you Ted.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris shifts back into his news caster voice''] Okay Weatherboy, and now we're gonna go to a bank robbery that just happened right now. Take it away Copter 1.

[''He assumes the voice of the fabled Helicopter pilot above the bank robbery scene'']

'''Chris:''' This is Copter 1, reporting live in a chase scene. We're chasing the burglar from the bank-which has escaped from the bank right now with five million dollars. I'm here with the bank manager, and I'm gonna get a word from him-what he thinks about this. Tell me, mister bank manager, what do you think about this?

[''Chris's voice attempts a deep and husky voice, possibly that of a middle-aged man'']

'''Chris:''' I think it is very bad of this man to steal $5 million from my own bank! As a matter of fact, I'm offering a [[Chris and money|$1,000 reward]] to anyone who captures this criminal who's taken my five mills. Why am I not going to give away a $5 million reward you ask? Well, we need the money, daggat's for sure. Heheh. Anyway that's all I have to say. I hope you catch 'em.

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' ...And there we have it! Back to you, Ted.

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Okay, you keep uh, following that burglar now. By the way, did you get his license number?

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Oh yeah, that's right! His license number is 3C54.

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you very much. Okay, and we got also got a sports game to report before we go back to the music. We got the Pittsburgh Pirates- we had the baseball game today here in Chicago, between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Chicago White Sox, and the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the White Sox with a difference of 3 points. This is unbelievable. 50 to 53. In the Pittsburgh Pirates' favor. Now isn't that a funny thing though. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

'''Chris:''' Okay! Before we go back to the tunes, we're gonna take a little commercial break right now. So and so just relax and everything will be fine.

[''The recording cuts to the audio of a commercial for [[Obesity|Goldfish snack crackers, followed by a Burger King commercial]] for Cousin Skeeter and Allen Strange toys, an advertisement for a Surf 'n' Turf CD/Cassette, a National Geographic commercial, and a Cow and Chicken ad.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, welcome back to the tunes. You're listening to the station everything KCWC, and right now we're gonna play a little something for those who love video games. We're gonna play the Mario Kart 64 theme, and because that theme is a short song, we're also gonna throw in some "Circuit Select" songs. And you know why we're throwing this in? Because Mario Kart 64 is a great game and we happen to like it too. As a matter of fact, we even have it, and we've played it. So take it away, Mario Kart 64! Ha-ha.

[''The recording cuts once again to Mario Kart 64's Circuit Select music, as well as its theme for the next two minutes until it is cut off by the end of part two.'']

===Part III===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part III
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tAVkrAdqrYU}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
The Mario Kart 64 Circuit Select theme resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EVERYTHING station KCWC. And uh, during that Mario Kart 64 song, we got a request from a little young boy of uh five years old. His name is, uh, Christopher Chandler. He's a first-time caller, but a long-time listener. He put in a request for a theme--for the theme song of a very famous Sonic the Hedgehog game for the Sega Genesis. So I'm gonna throw in another contest. The prize this time is a game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. If anyone call in and guess the name of the game that this song came from--it is in the handsong and it is the theme song of that game. Anyway, if anyone can call in and guess the name of the game, I'll give them the game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC, and I'll take ANY caller who can call--who'll call in and give the right answer. Okay, so take it away, Sonic the Hedgehog, and I hope somebody wins.

[tape stops and leads to the theme song of "Sonic and Knuckles"]

[tape stops and Chris resumes speaking]

'''Chris:''' And you are listening to everything KCWC. And that song was the "Sonic and Knuckles" theme song. And we got a winner here, folks. His name is [[Wikipedia:Myles Standish|Myles Standish]]. And he told me to tell you the he was one of the members of a s-- one of the Sonic the Hedgehog website on the Internet. By the way, speaking of which, I've also wanted to play that Sonic & Knuckles song because I heard that there were a lot of sites on the Web created by lots of Sonic the Hedgehog fans. Anyway, Myles Standish has won that uh game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course, so he and a friend of his can enjoy themselves for a game at Putt-Putt Golf Course. Anyway, uh, nuh, anyway, enough of the video games. I'm gonna play...I'm gonna nuh, the next selection that I'm gonna play is, uh another Frank Sinatra number called Love and Marriage. And boy, that is an institute you can't disparage. Oh by the way, just to let you know, it's 9:30 A.M. Now I wanted to mention that. Anyway, uh, take it away, Frankie!

[tape stops and "Love and Marriage" by Frank Sinatra plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

'''Chris:''' You are listening to station KCWC. Everything! And wasn't that a great song, folks? Now right now, we're gonna play another song, except this time we're gonna play a little [[Christmas]] song. As a matter of fact, I have a guest star, as a matter of fact, three guest stars here who happen to have sang that song. Can you guess who they are? [pause] I'll tell you then! It's Alvin and the Chipmunks. Let's give 'em a big hand!

[Chris claps]

'''Chris as one of the chipmunks: '''[indistinct]

'''Chris as another chipmunk: ''' You said it!

'''Chris as the third chipmunk: ''' We're going [[Tobacky|smoking]]!

'''Chris: ''' Say, Alvin, how does it feel to be at station KCWC?

'''Chris trying to sound like Alvin: ''' Yeah, it's great, man!

'''Chris: ''' Well, you'd better plug your ears, then, because we're about to play...

[Chris's voice gets cut off as part three ends]

===Part IV===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sNKPhZ2ea_w}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

'''Chris: ''' ...a [[Christmas]] song! I gonna play... ''[Sings in a sing-song voice]'' Over the river and through the woods! You like... ya liked that song, didn't cha?

'''Chris trying to sound like Simon: ''': Yeaaah, I liked it, but I don't think Alvin does cause it didn't feature his hula hoop! ''[Annoying laugh]'' Ah ah ah ahh!

'''Chris: ''' Heh heh heh, nicely played, Simon. Well, take it away, ya chipmunks, and ''[indistinct]'' and go to ya grandmudda hou- grandma's house! Ah ah ah!

[tape stops and a chipmunk rendition of "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv4BBori8Ac| Over The River And Through The Woods]" plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

'''Chris: ''' Alright, you're listening to everything KCWC. And wasn't those chip- wasn't those chipmunks great? But they had to leave so soon. Oh well, nobody's perfect. Right away, don't forget last summer we got a request from a me- member of the Sonic the Hedg- from one of the Sonic the Hedgehog websites. Her name was Lezzie Lylelesh, [Not sure about this name, someone help?] and she requested that we play the Sonic CD song, "Sonic Boom." And she also requested that we play the long version! So that's what we'll give her, cause we happen to have the copy of the Sega CD game right here. So take it away, Sonic, and give us that booming song! Ah ah!

[tape stops and "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbyWwy0YOmU| Sonic Boom]" plays]

'''Chris: ''' Alright ya'll listenin to the station everything KCWC, and wasn't that a great song, folks? Get down, man! Heh heh! Well, right now, we're gonna play for you: a Disney song! It happens to be from one of my favorite movies, ''[spoken quickly]'' as you might have guessed, one of the most popular movies, [[Cole_Smithey#Internet_infamy|Toy Story]]! Yeah, that's right, it's that famous song, "You've Got A Friend In Me." And boy, wasn't that Buzz Lightyear funny, I mean,

'''Chris trying to sound like Buzz Lightyear: ''' To infinity and beyond!

'''Chris: ''' Ah, ah, well, anyway, take it away, Buzz and [[Duck|Woody]], with that famous song of yours, ah ah!

[tape stops and "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcXURC_nNhc| You've Got A Friend In Me]" plays]

'''Chris: ''' Now wasn't that a great Disney song, folks? Well, I thought it was great too. But right now we're gonna- take a break from the tunes and take a little commercial break. But first, a word from our sponsor, the [[I Love Lucy|"I Love Lucy" show]]!

'''Chris trying to sound like Lucy:''' ''Hello friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|Do you poop out at parties?]] Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin. Yes, Vitameatavegamin contains Vitamins Meat Vegetables and Minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to health. All you do is take a great big tablespoonful after every meal. Mmmmmmm..... It's so tasty, too! Mmm! Tastes just like candy! So why don't you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That's Vita-meata-vegamin!

I love Lucy and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. Sometimes we quarrel but then... ha ha ha How we love making up again. Lucy kisses like no one can. She's my Mrs. and I'm her man. Life is heaven you see, Cause I love Lucy, and I love Lucy, and Lucy loves me!!''

'''Chris: ''' Hey there, all you [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|guys, gals, dudes of all ages]]! Well, you're listening to the everything KCWC, this is your host, Christian Chandler, and, uh, before we, emm, announce the next song, we're gonna give you our joke of the day! And this joke comes from, ehh, Christopher Chandler from [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]! And the joke goes like this.

'''Chris as his younger self:''' Why is six afraid of se-

[Chris gets cut off mid-joke as part four ends]

===Part V===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part V
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sw3gT38hJNA}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

'''Chris as his younger self:''' ''[resumes mid-joke from part four into part five.]'' -ven. 'Cuz seven, eight nine!

'''Chris:''' ''[Chris laughs]'' Now that's a pretty funny one! Thank you Christopher Chandler. Anyway, our next song is another Disney song and it is entitled ''[Chris badly sings]'' "Ooh, oopey doo, oobey doo, I wanna be like yo-hoo-hou, wapey do-ee do wah!" from the Jungle Book. Yeah, that's right, the Jungle Book. Okay Tink-okay Kemuway take it away. Oh by the way Luey, I don't want to be like you! ''[Chris laughs]''

''[Tape cuts out in the middle of the recording then resumes]''

''["I Wan'na Be Like You (The Monkey Song)" sung by Louis Prima for the Disney film "The Jungle Book" plays]''

''[Tape cuts back out and in again]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EV'ery thing KCWC. And it is now one-thirty in the afternoon and we're going to-- ''[Chris cuts himself off with vocalized phone rings]'' Uh-oh, gotta call on line one. ''[Bloops and Chris pretends to answer the phone]'' 'Allo! It's your time, what's your rhyme!

'''Barbara Chandler:''' Hello! My name is Barbara Chandler and I'm calling to request a song for my husband for his birthday -- ''[Chris interrupts]''

'''Chris:''' No kiddin'.

'''Barbara:''' His name is Bob Chandler and he's 71 years old today. ''[Chris interrupts]''

'''Chris:''' No kiddin'

'''Barbara:''' ''[In a very-mildly agitated tone]'' and the song I would like to request is "A Bushel and a Peck". ''[Chris interrupts for a third time.]''

'''Chris:''' A bushel on a peck, an' a hug aroun'da neck for a 71 year old man. ''[light laugh]''

'''Barbara:''' Ah think so. Thank you very much.

'''Chris:''' ''[Quickly]'' Okay bye.

'''Barbara:''' Bye.

'''Chris:''' Ya heard it righ' here folks a-a request for birfday boy here. So a Happy Birthday goes out to Robert Chandler. And we will p'say "A Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls.

''[Tape cuts out, then begins playing "A Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls]''

''[Tape cuts back in]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EV'erything KCWC. And right now we're gonna go down to the top tenns-- songs. Of them all. Cuz I gotta start up with um'uh--nuh we're gonna start um' right now.

Number Ten is-- uh-- "Go the Distance" from Hercules. Number Nine is uh-- "It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas" from- The Chipmunks. Number Eight is uh- "The Results Theme" from Mario Kart 64. The Seven is "Saddle Up" is from Virtual Sonic. Number Five is, uh-- uh-- the uh-Opening theme from Starfox 64. And Number Three is the uh ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog CD| The Palmtreee Panic]]'' background song from the Sonic's CD. And Number Two is "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story. And the number one hit song which we're gon'play up next-- uh-- "What's More American" sung by Bing Crosby.

Take it away Bing!

''[Tape cuts out at the end of part Five]''

===Part VI===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VI
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mHRCvY9GjhU}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

[''There's a long silence until 00:20 when "What's More American" resumes.'']

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everything KCWC. And right now it is 3 o'clock and we're gonna take a break from the music and get right back to you with the news. Okay, Ted newcaster, take it away!

[''Chris lowers his voice and somehow sounds even more retarded than usual'']

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you, Mr. Chandler! Well first of we're gonna go back to the robbery that's in-- that's in-- still in progress. Come in copter one.

[''Chris makes noises I presume to be helicopter noises and does the voice for copter one'']

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Here I am in copter one, folks. Again with the bank manager and we're still chasing the robber. And he's on his-- he's nearing his hide-out. Okay, here he is parking his car. Getting out of the car with the five million dollars in his suitcase. [inaudible] And luckily I have a police escort with me so we're gonna land now and catch the burglar. Goin' on down now!

[''Chris makes more helicopter noises'']

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Okay, here I am now at the place I'm go in and capture that burglar. Okay, lets go!

[''Chris puts on a deeper, more authoritative voice, presumably pretending to be a policeman'']

'''Chris as policeman:''' Okay, Robber! You got five seconds to get outta there [inaudible] or we gonna bust on in and get it ourselves. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Okay men, send them in.

[''Chris seems to fart'']

'''Chris as policeman:''' Alright, we got ya surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

[''Chris makes strange high-pitched noises'']

'''Chris as robber:''' Okay, okay! I'm out, please don't shoot! Don't shoot! Dont't shoot! I give up! I give up! I give up! Here's the five million dollars. I give up! I give up! Please take me in! Take me in! I'll never commit a crime anymore.

'''Chris as policeman:''' Good job, men! Listen, five million dollars gets a thousand dollar reward. Donate it to the Richmond station. Okay, c'mon men, lets get outta here!

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' And there you have it. We just had the capture of the burglar and the retrieving of the five million dollars. So tell me, Mr. bank manager, what do you have to say about this?

'''Chris as the bank manager:''' Well, all I have to say is that I [inaudible]. He sang like a true coward. So, and he's gonna-- he also face going to jail so I might [inaudible] won't have any more money stolen. That's all I have to say.

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Okay, you heard right here live on station KCWC. Back to you, Ted!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you-- thank you, copter one. Okay, right now we're gonna go back to the weather. Weatherboy...

'''Chris as Weatherboy:''' [clears throat] Eh, yes, and right now it is-- right now it is 91 degrees and now it's mostly cloudy. There's a little sunshine right there, but we don't have any rain coming. No, sir! Right now they say it's only a 20% chance of rain. But tonight, it'll be perfectly clear and 79 degrees and tomorrow there'll be a slight chance-- there'll be slight chance of rain. 30% chance, to be exact! And that's all I have to say. Back to you, Ted!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Okay, Weatherboy! And right now we're gonna go back to Chicago for another-- for some more sports. We go down the basketball game between the, ah, the, ah, what is it? Oh yeah, the Chicago Bulls and New York Nicks. And the Bulls have won the base-- the basketball game. That's a score of 53 to 50! Anyway, the Bulls won the baseball game. Okay, that's all I have to say about the sports! Now we're gonna take you live to the race track on Mario Kart 64.

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Okay, here we are at the race track and there Yoshi and Mario are fine. And they're wearing these [inaudible] and we are about to start a kart race for the flower cup. And we're gonna give full coverage on Mario. Su-- so here we are about to start the race. Lets go live!

[''There is the noise of a Mario Kart 64 race starting up'']

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Here we are at Toad's Turnpike, and the race is about to start, folks! On your mark, get set, go. And here we go with the race. Keep an eye on Mario, now, cause he's our main man. Mar-- And, ah, he's in third place right now. Ahead of him is Koopa and ahead of Koopa is Peach. Oh, and he makes a splendid right hand turn. Oh, and he give a green shell which he picked up to Koopa. He's closing in on Peach. He's making another turn. Oh, but peach turns ghost. Now Mario picks up another item. He shoots a green shell and gets a ghost. Uh oh! Oh, he got into the green shell he shot and now he see's the other one and he uses a ghost and what does he get? Oh, from that ghost he receives a red shell, and he bounces it off trucks, no problem. He raises his red shell and on a stair way he shoots it, and it won't hit Peach because she ha-- had a banana on her, and Mario has picked up another red shell. He's raised it and he shoots it. Is it gonna hit Peach? I don't know, folks. It knocks Peach against a wall. Mario picks up... Oh man, somebody has shot a lightning bolt. It's Luigi! Oh man, Mario's on a dirt place. Oh, and Mario goes back to full size and so has everybody else. Now with only two shells, he makes another turn. On turn, he picks up another item. He shoots, and picks up a mushroom! And is on his final green shell he had to use it because Koopa had his coming. So, Mario uses the final green shell. Uh oh! Oh, [inaudible] he uses a mushroom and
he got plenty of mystery items, and he's still in second place, folks. Peach is way ahead. [inaudible] make first place but lets keep an eye on him, anyway. He's got a mystery box, a decoy box. And he puts it in-- he lets it go. And he get another item, it's a red shell! I don't think it'll make Peach but he goes on ahead and shoots it, and he hits a banana peel. Oh, and he goes into a major peel out. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the best races I ever seen in my life. One of the most exciting, too. Okay, and Mario makes another turn. He picks up another item. It's a lightning bolt! How lucky is that? And everybody has gotten shrunk except for Mario. And Mario hits a banana peel but he doesn't slip. He must have hit the break. And now he picks up a set of green sh-- set of three green shells. Mario passes a couple of trucks. Now, he's making another turn. He almost slipped on a banana peel but the-- one of his green shells took the hit for him. This is the third lap, folks. And he's almost towards the finish line. Oh, and he goes between a [inaudible] and a truck magnificently. And he passes the finish line with second place. And first place is Peach, Mario is followed by Koopa and Koopa is followed by Donkey Kong and the rest are in the last four positions. We take you now to the results. Mario is in second place with six. Peach is in first with nine. Koopa at-- with three. And Donkey Kong with with one. And the rest have zero. And now we go to the next race, in Frappe Snowland, and Mario in position in second place. On your mark, get set. Oh, and Mario takes a rocket boost to start as he's tring to go to his right. He picks up...

[Chris gets cut off mid-sentence as part six ends]

===Part VII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|I7RFF2spayw}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

[''Mario Kart commentating continues from last video'']

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' ... an item. It's a banana peel, and he is in first place. How will he use his banana peel? Just right at the turn. Now he's going over the hill. Oh, and it looks like he hit somebody. I'm not sure who it was, but he hit somebody. Oh, and he picks up a green shell, he uses it, it hits Peach. Peach is still in second place, though, but, uh, Mario is still is first. He's way ahead by some. Oh, and Mario picks up a red shell. Don't think there'll be a need for that, but he's got one. And Peach is closing in on him. He crosses the bridge. He's on his second lap! He starts the second lap, folks. He gets-- he picks up another item. He lets go of-- he releases his red shell, and he picks up a banana line-up. Oh, and Peach has passed him. Now Mario's in second. He throws the banana peel and Ma-- and Peach slips. And he's still got the bana-- got one banana peel left. And he picks up another item. It's a single banana. How's he uses it? Simple! He uses it in the-- in the lot of mystery boxes. And he picks up a single mushroom as his item. How will he use it? He's keeping it. Lets see what happens, though. He makes another turn, on the curbs. He makes another-- other turns. He's really keeping that mushroom, though. Not using it. He's still making his other turns. He's going over the hill. He still hasn't used his mushroom, yet. Now he goes through the field of snowmen. Now he makes another turn. Oh, and he uses that mushroom to go over that snail hill for a short-cut. Now-- now he picks up another item. It's a single banana peel. And he makes another turn. Oh, but hit the wall before he can make his turn. He's lost the banana. And he crosses the bridge. And he wins in first place! That was a magnificent race, folks. Mario in first place, followed by Donkey Kong, the Koopa, then Yoshi and the rest on the last four positions. Lets go live to the results. Mario's in the lead with fifteen points. Peach is in second with nine. Donkey Kong with seven. Koopa with six. And Yoshi probaby got some points. He picked up one point and is in fith place. The rest have zero. Now lets go live to the next race. Which is Chocolate Mountain! And Mario's in position. Ready! Set! Go! Oh, and Mario picks up another rocket boost at start. And he gets to another turn. He picks up an item. It's a single mushroom. Might as well gonna save that one for later. Now he's making another turn on the wide turn. He does it successfully. He goes through the boxes. And he still hasn't u-- oh, and he hits something. He hits a hill. And, uh, Toad and Donkey Kong have past him, because he was probably thinking about something else. But right now Mario is back and he picks up three green shells. And he uses one on Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong gets Toad in a chain reaction. Now mario is still in first place. He's still got... [inaudible]... closing in on him. He shoots one green shell to pick up an item, and it's a green she-- it's another green shell. And he uses it that third green shell on Koopa. And he pulls out his new green shell. What's he gonna do with it? He shoots it behind him. And he picks up another green shell from the other item boxes. He shoots that behind him. Now he has no items. And Donkey Kong is closing in on him. But it looks like somebody [inaudible] but I dont think it was Donkey Kong. Now new item pick up. It's a red shell. And he uses immediately and hits... uh-oh, a koopa has hit Mario. He's fallen behind. He's in fourth place. No wait, now he's in third. He picks up three mushrooms. He uses them. And uses the third one to go ahead of Toad aaaand Koopa and he's out way in the lead. And Donkey Kong is somewhere 'round the hill. And Mario picks up a mushroom, now he's in second place. Now he's started using his unlimited mushroom. He makes a turn. He's still in second. He uses his mushroom. Oh, and there's Koopa not far ahead. But I'll take Mario and make it first place. Donkey Kong second and Mario makes third place. Ladies and gentlemen, was a magnificent racde, if I do say so myself. Koopa won, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Mario, followed by Toad. I'll take you live to the results. Mario's still in first place with eighteen. Koopa with fifteen. Donkey Kong with thirteen. Peach with nine. And Yoshi and Toad tied in fifth place with one. The rest have zero. Now we take you live to the next race, in the Mario Raceway. This is the final race, folks! Mario's in positions at third place. On your mark! Get set! Go! And Mario takes another rocket boost at start and he hops over Koopa. Now he picks up an item. It's a decoy mystery box. And he drops it. He make another turn. He goes around that mushroom. He picks up another item. It's a green shell, and almost straight away he shoots it behind him, but it hits nobody. Now he making his auto-turn. And he goes across the sand using another turn. And Koopa is directly behind him. But Mario is still in first place. Uh oh, he hit the grass. And Ma-- and Koopa [inaudible] but he didn't pass. Mario picked up a green shell. Uh oh, Koopa's passed him. But Mario shoots his green shell and timed it right, hit Koopa. Now Peach is in second but Mario is still first. And mario picked up... five banana peel and he uses them all straight away. And now he's taking a sneaky short-cut again usaing his auto-turn. He's way, way ahead, folks. And now he's in for the final lap. He picks up another item. And it is another green shell. He shoots it behind him. He's making his auto-turns. He's going around the mushroom. He making an auto-turn. And he picks up a mushroo-- a single mushroom. I notice how he use that to hit the grass and sandy short-cut. That's a long short-cut, folks. And now Mario's passing through a tunnel. Uh oh, He makes and wrong turn and goes the wrong way. But now he's still in first place and passes finish line. Wins with first place. Ladies and gentlemen, that was a magificent race. Mario won in first, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Koopa and followed by Peach and the rest are in the last places. Lets go live to the results. Mario's won with 27 points, followed by Donkey Kong with nineteen and I didn't get to see the rest. Right, now here we are at the trophy ceremony live at Peach's castle. Let's go live. Here comes Mario as the first place winner. And here comes Donkey Kong in the third place mount. And Koopa coming up in the secon-- uh here's come Koopa coming in the third place mount. I dont know. Lets see how it comes up, though. Mario get the win with first place, Donkey Kong with second an Koopa with third. And here comes the floating glow fish. He's got the trophy for Mario and the trophy is GOLD! This was a bunch of magnificent races, folks. Tell me Mario, what do you have to say about this?

'''Chris as Mario:''' [''his voices starts out very high pitch then lowers rather drastically''] Well, all I have to say it feel go to be a winner. I always feel like a real winner. I just need more winning, that's all. [inaudible] Thank you very much! Back to you!

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Alright! Now that's enough for the races. Back to you Ted Baster!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you! Now that's it for the Mario Kart races. Now we go back to the music. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

'''Chris:''' Alright! Thank you, Ted Baster! As you know it was three o'clock before the news started but right now, with the, since we were just mplayingMario Kart 64, we are now going live with Starfox music. We gonna play the, ah, famous song from that game, Titania and Macbeth. Take it away, Fox McCloud.

[''Tape stop and resumes with Starfox 64 - Titania and Macbeth'']

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everyth--

[''Chris is cut off in the middle of a word'']

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

McDonald's

2010-10-05T19:24:26Z

Famicon64:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|I don't go to McDonald's often, maybe 2 or 3 times a week.|Chris}}

[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|A typical visit to McDonald's]]

'''[[Wikipedia:McDonald's|McDonald's]]''' is [[CWC|Chris's]] restaurant of choice. Chris's ideal first [[dating|date]] would take place here. His favorite items are Chicken McNuggets and the $1 sweet tea.

Chris met the real life [[B-Manajerk]] in a Wal-Mart McDonald's.

Based on reports from [[Ivy]] in [[Mumble]] on 28 March [[2009]], Chris's preference for McDonald's is symbolic of his conflict with [[Bob Chandler|his dad]], who prefers Burger King.

===Possible cause for health problems===
[[Image:RonaldWTF.png|thumb|Ronald McDonald reading [[Sonichu]].]]
Chris's [[Chris and health|inactive lifestyle and constant consumption of McDonald's]] may contribute to his growing [[obesity]], as well as his high cholesterol. The number of times Chris claims to eat food from McDonald's, two or three times a week, is equivalent to going about 130 times a year. At this rate of consumption, Chris will likely develop serious medical problems. It's possible that he might develop heart disease or type 2 diabetes in the near future if he continues to live the way he does. The likelihood of him passing away before the age of 50 due to heart attack or stroke increases each month. It also doesn't help that he doesn't seem to realize just how bad fast food is. He mentioned once that ordering a chicken salad is healthier, which is a common misconception. Salads at most restaurants, especially fast food chains, come with high-calorie dressing and fried chicken or taco filling, which makes the salad worse than a hamburger; also, the chicken is most likely pumped with hormones before being slaughtered, processed, and shipped. Let's not forget to mention that he drinks the sweet tea, which likely also contains high-fructose corn syrup, and he probably eats french fries with his meals.

==Conflict with Kacey==
During Chris's abortive attempt to win over [[Kacey]] as his [[sweetheart]], at her behest he made a feeble effort to clean up his act as far as exercise and eating right. One of Kacey's particular demands was that Chris quit eating fast food, an expectation he almost entirely failed to live up to. During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey and her father]], he claimed to have cut down to one McDonald's trip per week at best, and even that was unquestionably a lie.

Since Kacey's marriage to [[Liquid Chris]] in mid-November 2009, the McNuggets have almost certainly resumed their steady march down Chris's bottomless gullet.

==In the comics==
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|"Have some fistfull fries!"]]
* There is a McDonald's in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
* [[Sub-Episodes]] [[Sub-Episode_4#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|4]] and [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_5:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack_part_2.22|5]] take place in "the city of M-C-Dville, of the region of [[Mal-Wart]]."
* A McDonald's ripoff, CWCee Dees (pronounced like "Quicky Dee's") appears in [[Sonichu 9]], where it seems to be a popular place to go on a date. [[Punchy]] took [[Layla]] there on their first date.

==McDonald's Monopoly 2009==
Chris has been stuffing his fat fucking face full of this shit since the Monopoly 2009 promotion started. He claimed to not care about it in a [[Brutal Legend Plus|video]], only to [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Results|create more accounts later and enter 65 codes from purchased goods]].

===Account 1 (October 6 - October 20)===
52 codes (43 of them from purchased things)

*52. St. Charles Place
*51. Oriental Avenue
*50. Baltic Avenue
*49. Park Place
*48. Marvin Gardens

===Account 2 (October 21)===
11 codes (10 of them from purchased things)

*11. Park Place
*10. North Carolina Avenue
*9. Illinois Avenue
*8. Community Chest (2)
*7. Oriental Avenue

===Account 3 (October 22 - October 23)===
7 codes (6 of them from purchased things)

*7. Park Place
*6. Community Chest (3)
*5. Illinois Avenue
*4. New York Avenue
*3. Electric Company

===Account 4 (October 23 - October 28)===
8 codes (6 from purchased things)

*8. Reading Railroad
*7. Luxury Tax
*6. North Carolina Avenue
*5. B. & O. Railroad
*4. Pennsylvania Railroad

==McCosplay==
[[File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|thumb|Chris as the Hamburglar, apparently.]]
In the beginning of October 2010, Chris apparently remembered Jackie telling him that she liked his cosplay videos. After a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|very controversial cosplay video]] over 2 weeks before, Chris decided to continue his act with McDonald's characters. His first McDonaldland act was [[100 2265|the Hamburglar]], where he
[[CWCFlyingElephants|ran around his room acting batshit crazy]], wearing a BDSM costume that looked nothing like the Hamburglar whatsoever. The next day, Chris portrayed [[100 2266|Grimace]]. [[Chris and art|Needless to say]], the Grimace costume he made looked like something a preschooler would make. While Chris was wearing the paper costume, he delivered a speech about autism and bullying before breaking out into song.

{{Lists}}

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Places]]

Cheesy!

2010-10-04T00:34:39Z

Famicon64:

[[Image:Flipbookcrazy.png|thumb|left|I am NOT Crazy!]]
[[Image:Cheese.jpg|thumb|right|Cheese does not approve]]
'''[http://flipnote.hatena.com/5348F770A0A92AE8@DSi/movie/A92AE8_09D9E191A1B12_003?in=user/ Cheesy!]''' is the seventh of [[Christian]]'s [[Flipnote Hatena]] animations. The animation consists of what is supposedly the character Cheese from the animated series ''Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends'' speaking lines of dialogue lifted directly from the show.

At the end of the animation, Chris claims that he is [[Chris and Reality|not crazy]], and that he was only doing this animation for fun. For once, Chris actually admits that something he has done is unoriginal.

What convinced Chris to make such an enraging plagiarism, that has ruined a classic show for an entire generation, is relatively unknown. In the original show, Cheese is a character with some sort of [[Slow-in-the-minds|Learning Disability]] and is used to produce a lot of, what Chris would call, [[random-access humor]]. It is possible that Chris has based his entire 'sense of humor' around Cheese. The problem is, though, he's not funny. Cheese is funny because he's impulsive and lovable, while Chris is not funny because he's uncreative and repellent. It is quite obvious now that Chris is simply trying to copy something that is funny in hope that he somehow becomes funny in the process.

In short, Chris feels outdone by a fictional character.

{{-}}
== Video ==

{{Infobox/Flipnote
| name = Cheesy!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vFmM0ZWJfV4}}
| stardate = June 24, 2010
| previous = [[RandomSong1]]
| next = [[Tagged Flipnote]]
}}
=== Transcript ===

'''Cheese:''' I like [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate milk]]! Tinkle tinkle in the car, you use a [[Fapcup|jar]]! Again! I like cereal! Do it again, do it again, do it again!

'''Writing:''' This was a silly Cheese Bunch from Craig McCracken, and it's only a spot of fun; I am not crazy. C.W.C.

[[Category: Flipnote Hatena]]

Death threats

2010-10-01T01:31:37Z

Famicon64: /* Lars */ spelling

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Contrary to his claims of kindness and patience, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die, often as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]s. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood are delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a camera is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of rage has steadily grown over months and years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While at one point it was a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of 2009 and early 2010 Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis. The people he has wished this grisly fate upon are listed are follows.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day 2009, Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[Homos|homosexual]] ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and Clyde murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos,[[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]] and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy, the Sonichu comics. In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent garbage]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves, compromising the building's structural integrity, and effectively dooming everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft, rather than be crushed under the rubble, proving once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|Sonichu 8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''face raped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with a [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!|Chris, who, according to himself, "wasn't in a sound state of mind" at the time.}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===[[Clyde Cash]]===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

[[Don't Mess With Me|Chris posted another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, all as a warning to other trolls.

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

Chris had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to boyfriends.]]

Chris's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused this exact same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins and leaves him to bleed to death, which is widely regarded in both the unwritten rules of war and [[Jerkops|maintaining law and order]] as dishonorable and a coward's way to end a conflict. When Kacey expressed horror at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep him from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone in the first place is off-putting, as is a desire to cripple someone for life. Chris also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't so much angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could maim her boyfriend and be completely in the right.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in order to (so he thinks) avoid copyright infringement and build his character into a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9th, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki, or [[Asperpedia]], started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same Mediawiki software. A few days later Chris claimed in a the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]] that he knew where Alec lived. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog Patti maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his Adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===[[Evan]], Mao, and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included Evan and Mao, two of Leary's partners in the creation of Asperpedia, in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 01 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on CWCipedia. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010| to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the law| totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the Webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked in to Chris's PSN account, he threatened to "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]" in a failed attempt to threaten him, at the same time firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he tries to be more threatening towards Tito, this time with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the reason why he and [[The Wallflower]] parted ways, even though their separation was due to concerned trolls contacting her about Chris's history with women, fearing that she'll end up becoming the next [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]. In the end, typical of our fat [[Autism|HFA]] friend, Chris's threat did not work and instead he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Ireland and the United Kingdom the way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On [[March_2010|17 March]] Chris made his most threatening video yet accusing Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, a rapist, and calling him a [[nigger]] and then promising he would cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open, easily the most bizarre death threat Chris has made to date. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]] and influenced Mao to take it over and allow the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris address to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claims that he will [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ends the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

==Chris as recipient==

Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to photograph his daughter, this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Shigeru Miyamoto

2010-09-29T00:57:16Z

Famicon64: Doki Doki Panic was an individual game, not a franchise.

[[Image:Shigeru_Miyamoto_cropped.jpg|thumb|Shigeru Miyamoto - creator of Mario, Link, and many beloved video game characters. He is considered to be the Walt Disney of gaming. Yet Chris insists Miyamoto would be more impressed with him.]]

'''Shigeru Miyamoto''' (Japanese: 宮本茂) is the creator of such legendary [[Nintendo]] video game franchises as ''Mario'', ''Zelda'' and ''Star Fox'', as well as a colleague of [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]. Shigeru has been in contact with [[Chris]] for some time regarding the possibility of making a [[Sonichu]] game, despite Chris's constant mispronunciation of his name. Chris also assumes that Miyamoto has absolute power in, not just Nintendo, but the entire game industry.

{{quote|I'm certain Mr. Miyamoto wants to meet up with me and discuss the future of Sonichu and the Sonichu Alpha Project, as much as I'd be humbled and honored to meet with him and discuss the matter; PROBABLY MORE FOR HIM, becuase I am the Original Creator of Sonichu, [[Rosechu]], the other associated characters and the city of [[Cwcville]] around them all.|Chris on Miyamoto}}

==Early contact==

On 15 [[August 2008]], Chris asked his fanbase to bug Nintendo and Sega to make a Sonichu game.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref>

A troll, using a e-mail spoofer (hence the awkward backslashes), sent this e-mail to Chris:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
Dear Chris Chandler, 
Good evening. My name is Shigeru Miyamoto. Perhaps you\'ve heard of me. If you haven\'t, then allow me to introduce myself. I am the general manager of Nintendo and creator of Mario, Zelda, and countless other franchises.

I normally do not talk directly to fans in this matter as I am a very busy man. However, over the past few months, I have received countless amounts of emails from your fans stating that you wish for my company and Sega to create a game based on your fan character.

I am sorry to say this but I cannot and will not allow this to happen. There are several problems with your proposal, the first of wich is the simple fact that your character is NOT original. You can not make a game by combining two characters from opposing companies and then call it a new game. Things do not work this way.

Second of all, I have read your comics and they would not make a good concept for a game. It seems as though your comics are all about you and your personal problems.

You seem to have created a sort of alternate reality based around you and you only. You must understand one thing if you want to make a game. Video games are a medium where you must think of what other people want. Nobody wants to play a game where it\'s all about you and you only. Nobody wants to play a game about a person\'s inner thoughts and their problems with the world. People have problems of their own. People play games to escape from the problems of the real world, into a reality that they can feel a part of. Your game idea doesn\'t provide that. It only focuses on you and the things that bother you.

Third, I have already spoken with the president of Sega and he even thought that it was proposturous. Not only that, the amount of cooperation it wiould talk to make such a game would never work in reality. Even if we did merge Pikachu and Sonic, who would take the credit for it? Sega would lose the character that basically is their identity and Nintendo would end up with a character that quite frankley just isn\'t an original or new idea.

I\'m sorry but we can\'t do this and we outright refuse to have any part in your game idea proposal. Please stop sending us emails about this as it is simply not possible or probable for us to even entertain such an idea.

Please don\'t take this too hard on yourself. Maybe someday you can come up with an original idea and we can work togehter [sic]. But right now, you don\'t seem to have anything that can work as a video game. I wish you luck in your future endevours and I hope you have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Shigery Miyamoto
General Manager, Nintendo Company Ltd. </div>

Chris shortly afterward posted this facepalm inducing bit on [[Sonichu.net]]:

{{quote|
The Big Brain behind Super Mario, Zelda and other Popular Nintendo characters and games, Shigeru Miyamoto, sent me an e-mail with his response to the Sonichu Game Project. He says Nay, but I bet's he could be holding out on us, or something. So, I say this unto you, my loyal fans, continue with the e-mails and Forum Talks with Nintendo and SEGA of America or Japan. They are missing out on a REAL Profitable thing they can work with me on and cash in handsomely. I sent a detailed reply, but it came back to me in a "Mailer Daemon" message, so I've taken the liberty of printing a copy of the original message, and a copy of my reply that I will send to Nintendo of America for them to transfer to Mr. Miyamoto himself. Give them time and messages.}}

This is an early example of Chris's delusional thinking, flat out ignoring the unpleasant truth that his game idea sucks. He then demanded that any contact from Nintendo be written or via phone. However, as always, Chris never learns.
[[Image:Nintendo's Reponse.png|thumb|Nintendo on Sonichu]]

==The Miyamoto Saga==
{{main|Miyamoto Saga}}
[[Image:Cwcmail.png|thumb||right|Christian discussing his censorship because of Miyamoto's intervention.]]

In January 2009, Chris started to receive e-mails from Shigeru Miyamoto. Despite his suspicions from his last encounter, since Miyamoto was informing Chris that he was interested in meeting Chris to talk about creating a Sonichu game (read: something that Chris wants to hear, as opposed to the other Miyamoto e-mail), Chris magically forgot about in person, phone, or snail mail contact and immediately fell for it. The result? The Miyamoto Saga.

==Trolled==
Chris eventually [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|received an official response from Nintendo]], and only then did it become clear to Chris that he had, yet again, been the victim of slanderous [[trolls]]. In true Chris style, he proclaimed victory.

==Sauces==
<references />

==See also==

*[[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]
*[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Shigeru Miyamoto|Shigeru Miyamoto Wikipedia article]]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Miyamoto, Shigeru}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

JERKS

2010-09-28T22:26:12Z

Famicon64: /* Chris as the embodiment of JERK */

[[Image:140-AJerk.jpg|thumb|Chris even divides his [[trading card game]] monsters into JERKS and females]]

'''JERK''' is [[Chris's]] term for men in general, including those who are not [[niggo]]s, [[homos]] or [[jerkops]]. The canonical definition is "a MAN, other than myself, CWC, and my father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]]"<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref>

For example, Chris labeled every single one of his male [[MySpace]] friends as a JERK in his personal list. A few "respectable males" are apparently exempt from JERK status, such as [[George W. Bush]] and [[Barack Obama]] (and possibly [[Congrats, Jack Black|Jack Black]]).

One reason is the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].

==Use as a denominator==

Although he has defined the term "jerk" to mean all men save him and his father, the usage of the term seems to apply to any person who gets in the way of Chris doing something that he wants to do. If Chris wants [[china]] and can't get it because the object of his affection has a significant other, that significant other is a jerk. Chris wanted to win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], but [[Adam Stackhouse]] got in the way, therefore he is a jerk — allegedly because he broke the rules of the contest and used music, actually because he spoiled Chris's plans for sex with [[Megan Schroeder]]. Whether your intention was to obstruct Chris's efforts or not, you are a jerk for presenting a barrier to his goal.

Even being more talented than Chris, or more socially well-adjusted (no great feat, considering Chris) is enough to make one a jerk in Chris's eyes. Men with girlfriends did not specifically intend to cock-block Chris; they only did what well-adjusted people do and asked out a girl they liked. Adam Stackhouse simply made a good video for a competition he wanted to win and had no intention of thwarting an autistic's plans to seduce his best friend (again, the PaRappa showdown). In Chris's [[Ego|self-centered]] way of thinking, though, they were all out to get him.

Chris has stated that all men are jerks [[I am STRAIGHT|"because they are rude, crude, and inconsiderate... causing wars and such"]]. However, all world leaders are among the few males he respects. This carries the implication that he considers most normal men, rather than national leaders, as responsible for most wars.

==Use as a prefix/suffix==

Chris derides certain professions by using "jerk" as a prefix (as with [[jerkop]]) or a suffix (as with [[manajerk]]). The addition of the prefix/suffix comes from their actions which, again, prevented Chris from getting what he wanted. Never mind the fact that managers and police officers are simply doing their job when they stop creepy patrons from [[Attraction_sign|soliciting members of the public for sex]]. They have obstructed his quest for [[china]] and so are jerks. Due to repeated encounters with these professions, Chris has taken to describing any member of their ranks as a jerk.

==Varying usage==

Despite the fact that Chris has openly declared that '''all''' men are jerks, in practice he doesn't seem to automatically apply the term to every man he meets. [[Robert Simmons V]] was held in some regard before he turned troll against Chris. [[Joseph Herring]] was considered a high-school friend (although Chris drew him as an ugly zit-scarred freak in his comic). Chris considered [[Joshua Martinez]] a friend (though he still tried to get [[ED]] to ruin him) as long as he thought Josh would help him score some china. John Schroeder, [[Megan]]'s brother, was even the main character in one of Chris's fake [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|video games]]. Once again, however, that was probably a side-effect of Chris's lust for Megan.

Given that Chris doesn't rigidly adhere to his original definition of the word, we can reach one of two conclusions:

1. Chris does not necessarily regard all men as jerks.

2. Chris still considers them jerks, but will play along for selfish reasons until they can no longer help him.

Based on what we know, most of us are betting on the latter.

==Connection to behavior==

Wiktionary defines a [[wiktionary:jerk|jerk]] as '''A [[Chris|person]] with [[lies|unlikable]] or [[Honest Content|obnoxious]] qualities and behavior, typically [[Chris and Anger|mean]], [[Chris and his Ego|self-centered]] or disagreeable, and often not very [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]'''

In the cases of people Chris has labeled a jerk, this is often very far from the truth. People Chris has labeled in this way have been known for all manner of redeemable qualities such as [[Bagget|heroism]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|having a good sense of responsibility]] to the people under their care and being [[Adam Stackhouse|uniquely talented]]. Indeed, simply having a girlfriend hardly seems a good reason to be labeled a jerk. Then again, Chris is not well-known for acknowledging the accomplishments of those other than himself.

==Chris as the embodiment of JERK==

Ironically, or perhaps better put, hypocritically, Chris's actions make him more deserving of the term jerk than most people he applies it to.

===Unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior===

The fact that he receives a [[monthly tugboat]] for nothing while [[Chris_and_money#But_wait.2C_Chris_isn.27t_employed.21|feeling he deserves it]] has been a major sticking point for all CWC-watchers. Having a [[Speech_Impediment|whiny]] voice and [[Chris_and_English|a terrible command of English]] while touting himself as [[Honor roll|talented and well educated]] are a major cause of further irritation. Also, the fact that he feels deserving of so many things while [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|doing so little to achieve them]] make most scream in agony at the levels of obnoxiousness.

===Mean===

Chris repeatedly [[Death threats|makes threats]] and has [[Chris and anger|outbursts of anger]].

===Self-centered===

Any man who makes his own [[CWCville|universe]] where he rules as a god is probably not the most considerate of others.

Also, [[Ryan_Cash|this]], [[PANDAHALO#Death|this]] and [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|especially this]].

===Disagreeable===

The fact that Chris can't stop hating on [[Homo|homos]], hurls [[Chris and race#Not a racist?|racial slurs]], has a very [[Chris_and_sex|skewed opinion on women]], selectively [[Chris_and_religion|adapts the bible]] to fit his own beliefs and just generally shows no common sense regarding any topic makes him highly disagreeable to almost anyone of any opinion. This may also now disqualify Bush from exemption from the rule, as Bush has previously stated his strong support for the abstinence of young women — something against which Chris is very, very firmly set.

===Insensitive or disrespectful===

Hoo boy is this a big one. Between his [[Twin Falling Towers|mockery of 9/11]], [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|disrespect for the victims of the Titanic's sinking]], [[War Paint Video|outbursts of]] [[Song for Jackie.MOV|racist behavior]] and other callous acts to meet his own ends, they make Chris a big-time jerk for this reason alone. Also, Chris had a lot of disrespect for Kacey's dad [[Father Call|upon first meeting him]].

===Often not very intelligent===

[[List of Chris's sweethearts|More]] [[fail|like]] [[Honor roll|all]] [[Attraction Sign|of]] [[trolls|the]] [[CWC-isms|time.]]

==The list of males Chris doesn't hate==

The most recent version of T.L.O.M.C.D.H. was provided in [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|Chris's annotations to his ED article]]. There it goes as follows:
# [[Chris]] himself;
# [[Bob Chandler|his father]];
# "[[Santa Clause]]" [sic];
# [[Jesus]];
# [[God]];
# [[Barack Obama|the President of the United States]];
# [[Molvanîa|all the World Leaders]];
# ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.

By thoroughly analyzing this information, we can conclude that:
* ... [[Fail|he still believes in "Santa Clause"]];
* ... he places "Santa Clause" over [[God]] or [[Jesus]], since he put the former before the latter in this list;
* ... he thinks God has a clearly-defined gender and is male;
* ... he thinks God and Jesus are separate beings;
* ... he hates all other male Saints, as well as Apostles, Martyrs, Angels (if he believes they have a gender), priests, monks, etc. etc.;
* ... he only likes the current holder of the U.S. Presidential seat, meaning he could hate [[Bush]] now that [[Obama]] is President;
* ... he hates all the other male persons in the U.S. Government, starting with the V.P.;
* ... he holds leaders such as [[CWCville|Kim Jong-il and Robert Mugabe]] in higher esteem than the majority of the male population of Earth;
* ... if Chris had lived in the 1930-40s, he wouldn't hate Hitler, Tojo or Mussolini (but would hate the Allied troops who fought them);
* ... he most likely assumes "all the World Leaders" are [[Women's rights|male]];
* ... he doesn't hate some IRL [[trolls]] like [[Mimms]] or [[Joshua Martinez]], as they were his friends/acquaintances in the past;
* ... he still hates most of the male population of Earth, including most honorable and heroic people.

However, in the same [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|annotations]], Chris confusingly states that his [[Noviophobia]] is "Out-Of-Date." He goes on to say that he only hates trolls and da haytahs now, but also states that he is "cool" with the "hating 99% of the world's men" theory. In any case, the list is at least applicable to ''some'' point in Chris's biography, even if he [[Lies|"got over it"]];

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

New Address

2010-09-28T21:47:15Z

Famicon64: /* Transcript */

'''New Address''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 27 [[September 2010]]. In it, Chris addresses [[Lars]] to tell him that he has lost [[Jackie]], who has recently become Chris's [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He then proceeds to boast about how he will satisfy Jackie's every desire, in an effort to make Lars jealous. The video concludes with Chris warning Lars that if he tries to mess with Jackie, [[Death threats|he will have to deal with Chris]].

This is the third video in as many days where Chris has worn the same shirt, [[Chris and hypocrisy|despite his previous video being sponsored by a brand of soap]]. The video is also a fine example of Chris's "smug voice", in which Chris attempts to lower his voice, stretching out certain vowels in the process.

Chris is definitely [[naive|acting like a little kid]] here, boasting that [[Kacey|he's stolen away someone else's girlfriend]] as if he's proud of it. If Chris keeps this up, he will almost certainly find himself in a (potentially IRL) game of [[Kick the Autistic]].

{{clear}}
==Description==
{{quotebox|Dude, I will throw you and knock you out as swiftly and easily as I threw that JetSki. Yeah!!!}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = New Address
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9_BK1fr7BmU}}
| stardate = 27 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]
| next = Current
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===

Hello, Lars. I got your email, and I gotta tell you, you're a dang loser for hiding behind a picture of a [[Niggo|black man]]. A dang photograph. Anyway, [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|it's over! It's over!]] [[Megan#Epilogue|You've lost!]] [[The Wallflower|You're history]]! You're kaput! You could've-you had your chance with [[Jackie]] but you gonna- YOU LOST, BUDDY, YOU LOST! You just kept concentrating on [[ModNation Racers|your daaaayng boats]] all day and all night, ignoring '''HER''' needs, and her desires.

''(Chris licks his lips)'' Now she's with [[Chris and his Ego|a real man]]. [[Chris and sex|I will satisfy her needs, and her desires]]. And if you ever wanna be happy with yourself, you [[Chris and hypocrisy|GROW UP! You grow up! And you stop thinkin' about yourself]], YEEEEAAAAH! ''(Raises his arms in the air)'' You grow up, stop thinkin about yourself, YEAAH! ''(Throws the miniature toy boat he's holding. It hits the ceiling and lands on the floor behind him. Chris flinches and [[Chop_Chop_Master_Onion's_Rap_Showdown|ducks]] to avoid his own projectile. [[Slow-in-the-minds|Stares aimlessly for a moment]].)''

[[Don't Mess With Me|You mess with me and her]], you're gonna deal with me definitely. Down to [[Chris and health|the last sweat, or breath]].

{{clear}}

==See also==

*[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Best Buy

2010-09-27T02:40:59Z

Famicon64: /* Gas Chris wasted driving to Best Buy */

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:100 Classic Book Collection.jpg|thumb|right|Another entry in the long list of things Chris owns but will never use.]]

The '''Best Buy''' in [[Charlottesville]] is where Chris spends yet more of his [[tugboat]] money on games, [[PSN]] cards and other [[PS3]] accessories. On 22 [[September 2010]], [[Clyde Cash]] leaked a zip file loaded with Chris's Best Buy invoices. Much like his [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|sex store purchases]], Chris appears to prefer buying things which involve a discount or promotion.

== List of documented purchases ==
{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Date Purchased
!align="left"|Description
!align="left"|Type
!align="left"|Price
|-
|27 September 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$15.00
|-
|6 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$20.00
|-
|6 October 2009
|'''Rock Band Unplugged - PSP'''
|PSP Game
|$29.99
|-
|6 October 2009
|'''Internal 500GB 2.5" SATA Hard Drive'''
|Hardware
|$99.99
|-
|6 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$6.50
|-
|14 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|14 October 2009
|'''The Haunted World of El Superbeasto'''
|Blu-ray Disc
|$14.99
|-
|14 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$0.75
|-
|17 October 2009
|'''Brütal Legend - PlayStation 3'''
|PS3 Game
|$59.99
|-
|17 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|17 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$3.00
|-
|20 October 2009
|'''Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen'''
|Blu-ray Disc
|$21.99
|-
|20 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$1.10
|-
|29 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|6 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|6 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|6 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Eye USB Camera for PlayStation 3'''
|Hardware
|$39.99
|-
|6 November 2009
|
|Tax
|$2.00
|-
|15 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|22 November 2009
|'''LittleBigPlanet Collectible Art PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$5.00
|-
|24 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card'''
|Gamecard
|$19.99
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card'''
|Gamecard
|$19.99
|-
|3 December 2009
|
|Tax
|$2.00
|-
|7 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|8 December 2009
|'''Fairytale Fights'''
|PS3 Game
|$19.99
|-
|8 December 2009
|
|Tax
|$1.00
|-
|14 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|16 December 2009
|'''Uncharted: Drake's Fortune Greatest Hits'''
|PS3 Game
|$29.99
|-
|16 December 2009
|
|Tax
|$1.50
|-
|29 December 2009
|'''Saints Row 2'''
|PS3 Game
|$2.99
|-
|29 December 2009
|'''Gran Turismo'''
|PSP Game
|$11.99
|-
|3 January 2010
|'''Red Faction: Guerrilla'''
|PS3 Game
|$19.99
|-
|3 January 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.00
|-
|4 January 2010
|'''The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena'''
|PS3 Game
|$9.99
|-
|4 January 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.50
|-
|22 January 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$5.00
|-
|24 January 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 February 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$15.00
|-
|4 February 2010
|'''Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card'''
|Gamecard
|$19.99
|-
|4 February 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 March 2010
|'''SanDisk - 8GB Memory Stick PRO Duo Memory Card'''
|Hardware
|$34.99
|-
|3 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$20.00
|-
|3 March 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.75
|-
|21 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$20.00
|-
|23 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|25 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($50)'''
|Gamecard
|$30.00
|-
|11 April 2010
|'''PS-PS3-MODNATION RACERS''' (Pre-order?)
|Unknown
|$5.00
|-
|11 April 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.25
|-
|25 April 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|29 April 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 May 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 May 2010
|'''2GB SD Memory Card'''
|Hardware
|$9.99
|-
|3 May 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.50
|-
|10 May 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|20 May 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|3 June 2010
|'''PNY 4GB Secure Digital High Capacity Memory Card - Pink'''
|Hardware
|$12.99
|-
|3 June 2010
|'''WarioWare D.I.Y.'''
|NDS Game
|$29.99
|-
|3 June 2010
|'''Picross 3D'''
|NDS Game
|$14.99
|-
|3 June 2010
|
|Tax
|$2.90
|-
|18 June 2010
|'''100 Classic Books '''
|NDS Game
|$14.99
|-
|18 June 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.75
|-
|2 July 2010
|'''Nyko - Zoom Case for Nintendo DSi'''
|Hardware
|$9.99
|-
|2 July 2010
|'''FLAW'''
|NDS Game
|$9.99
|-
|2 July 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.00
|-
|16 July 2010
|'''ModNation Racers'''
|PSP Game
|$19.99
|-
|16 July 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.00
|-
|30 July 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|5 August 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|5 August 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|14 August 2010
|'''Netflix - 1-Month Gift Card'''
|Gamecard
|$8.99
|-
|6 September 2010
|'''Netflix - 1-Month Gift Card'''
|Gamecard
|$8.99
|-
|17 September 2010
|'''PS3 Eye Camera Mount'''
|Hardware
|$14.99
|-
|17 September 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.75
|-
|20 September 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10.00
|-
|20 September 2010
|'''Silent Hill - Widescreen'''
|DVD
|$3.99
|-
|20 September 2010
|'''Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition'''
|PS3 Game
|$29.99
|-
|20 September 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.70
|}

The grand total price of these documented items is [[Chris and money|$1041.66]]. $360 of this was spent on [[PSN]] cards, $59.97 on [[Wii]] points, and $17.98 on [[Netflix]] gift cards. The invoices show that Chris spent around $776 at Best Buy during 2009, although around $200 of this in unaccounted for - and he may have spent more as it is not known when he opened his rewards account. Chris has saved $75 of your tax dollars through discounts, which does little to redeem his largely frivolous spending habits.

There is a record for what appears to be a canceled transaction on 9 February 2010, for a $19.99 Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card. It's possible that Chris's credit card was declined on this occasion, and the fact he didn't purchase anything from Best Buy for nearly a month after would indicate that this was the case.

=== Gas Chris wasted driving to Best Buy ===
Below are some rough calculations about how much gas Chris has wasted with his trips to Best Buy. The actual amount spent is likely more, as he may drive there regularly to browse or [[Hexbox#Hex_Bawx_hatred_in_public|kick da hexbox]] without spending any money. While Chris has [[Mumble 10|previously mentioned]] that [[Barb|his mother]] pays for his gas, it doesn't change the fact that money was spent on gas that was ultimately wasted by Chris.
{| cellspacing="2" align="center" width="50%" style="text-align: center;"
|-
|align="right"|Driving distance to Best Buy [[Charlottesville]]
|11.7 miles
|19 km
|-
|align="right"|Miles driven per trip
|23.4 miles
|38 km
|-
|align="right"|Estimated MPG of [[Son-Chu]]
|23 MPG <ref>http://www.fueleconomy.gov/m/GetAuto.jsp?year=1994&make=Ford&model=Escort%20Wagon&id=null</ref>
|10.23 L/100km
|-
|align="right"|Estimated gas price in Virginia
|$2.60/gal.
|69¢/L
|-
|align="right"|'''Number of trips we know Chris made'''
|43
|
|-
|align="right"|'''Total distance travelled'''
|1,006.2 miles
|1,619 km
|-
|align="right"|'''Total gas used'''
|43.75 gallons
|165.59 litres
|-
|colspan="3"|'''Total value of gas Chris wasted on trips to Best Buy: $113.75'''
|}

Putting things to perspective, the total distance he travelled to go to Best Buy to spend his tugboat is about equivalent to the distance from Ruckersville to Junction City, Kansas; in other words, a lot of gas could've gone to better use.

== Chris's dealings with Best Buy support ==
Included in the leaked documents were the contents of a support email Chris sent to Best Buy, regarding a "10 Dollar Certificate" which had been redeemed without his consent. While Chris got a pretty standard response to his email, we once again get a glimpse about what happens you come between a manchild and his [[tugboat|free money]].
{{EmailReply|Original Message Follows:
------------------------
FirstName 
CHRISTIAN 
LastName 
CHANDLER 
Email 
CHRISCHANSONICHU@AOL.COM 
MemberID 
0400450047 
Reason for Contact 
Status 
Question or Concern 
I had just logged onto My RewardZone account on the 21st of December to check on
it, only to find my Points had been redeemed for a 10 Dollar Certificate WITHOUT
my approval or Personal Action. It shows that the points were redeemed and the
certificated printed on the 20th; I did not log in on the 20th at all. I think
someone got into my account and redeemed my points and printed the certificate.I
WANT MY 10 DOLLAR CERTIFICATE!Please respond quickly. Thank you.}}
{{Email|Christian,
I apologize for the confusion. Your account is set up to automatically issue a
certificate when you account reaches 250 points so it issued a $10 certificate
automatically on Sunday. There is a 3-5 wait before the certificates can be
printed so they will be ready on Friday.

Sorry for the inconvenience

Thank you for contacting Best Buy Reward Zone
Have a good day}}

==Sauces==
<references />

== Download ==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?jqqje1258c603a9 Invoice ZIP file]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

ModNation Racers

2010-09-27T02:16:01Z

Famicon64: /* Gallery */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:ModNation Racers.jpg|thumb|''MR'' [[America]]n box art]]

'''''ModNation Racers''''' is a customizable kart racing game for the [[PS3]] and [[PSP]] that [[Chris]] has taken a liking to. It isn't quite [[2010]]'s answer to ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'', but it's close.

In addition to providing [[Autism|autistics]] with the simple gameplay used in all racing games and cute, [[Homos|gaily]]-colored characters found in [[Pokemon|many]] [[Animal Crossing|children's]] [[Sonic|games]], ''ModNation Racers'' is heavily based around user-generated content, much like ''LittleBigPlanet''. Chris can now foist his questionable [[Chris and art|design skills]] upon the world through a kart racing game.

==Chris's ModNation career==
When only the beta version of the game was available, Chris posted 25 screen caps of him driving a yellow, [[Sonichu]]-themed cart around an empty racetrack on the [[CWCipedia]]. These were filed under [[Copyright|"Original CWC Art"]]. Later, after the retail version arrived, he created a number of characters and cars (images are available below), as well as a CWCville track.

It is of great concern to Chris that despite his belief that he has a large [[fanbase]], barely anybody has bothered to download his poorly designed track and he continues to whore it out at every opportunity. On 17 July 2010, Chris updated his [[Twitter]] account for the first time in ages, begging his imaginary followers to give him codes for the "Mystery Mods" (promotional DLC packs included with the pre-ordered copies of the game<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/27/modnation-racers-mystery-mods-revealed/]</ref>) and to download his CWCville track so that he could acquire yet another trophy. 26 July saw yet another Twitter update whining for downloads and positive reviews.

He also posted multiple threads on the forums at [[GameFAQs]] and Gamespot making similar demands. When his initial beg-a-thons were deleted because of those boards' anti-soliciting policies, Chris, being Chris, just went ahead and posted them again.

Despite having all the free time in the world to practice his skills, Chris remained mediocre at ''ModNation Racers''. This should come as little [[Soul Calibur|surprise]]. After racing in 1000+ contests, Chris only "won" 200 of these (with a noticeable "Disconnected" and "Did Not Finish" tally indicating some [[Rage|tard-rage]] present). All in all, Chris won about 20% of the time.

Additionally, a number of his characters show they have been used in 0 races even days after their creation, meaning even Chris didn't even bother to use his own creations.

==Beta screen caps==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:MODNATION.JPG|Modnation Chris, about to go snake hunting.
Image:MODNATION_1.JPG|Sonichu license plate
Image:MODNATION_2.JPG|''Modnation'': the game that lets you make Sonichu [[medallions]]
Image:MODNATION_19.JPG|Chris plows his car into an orange pylon
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery==

{{collapsible
|Chris's ModNation characters|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Modnation ChrisChan.jpg|Chris
File:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|[[Sonichu]]
File:Modnation Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]]
File:Modnation LegoChrisChan.jpg|[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Lego Chris]]
File:Modnation LegoInfomaniac.jpg|[[Legos|The Infomaniac]]
File:Modnation 1stTransformersRacer.jpg|[[Transformers|A "Transformer"]]
File:Modnation ExcelExcel.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Excel]]
File:Modnation HayattHatchan.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Hyatt]]
File:ModNation Wild.jpg| [[Wild Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Punchy.jpg| [[Punchy Sonichu]]
File:ModNation MagiChan.jpg| [[Magi-Chan]]
File:ModNation Bubbles.jpg| [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
File:ModNation Angelica.jpg| [[Angelica]]
File:ModNation CountGraduon.jpg| [[Count Graduon]]
File:ModNation AmericanRabbit.jpg| [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]
File:ModNation PattiChan.jpg| [[Patti-Chan]]
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichu.jpg| [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
File:ModNation PrincessClara.jpg|Princess Clara
File:ModNation FoxxyLove.jpg|Foxxy Love
File:ModNation No24MHSPlayer.jpg|A [[Niggo|basketball player]] from Chris' [[Manchester High School|high school]]
File:ModNation MHSCheerleader.jpg|...and a [[Laura_Beth_Dorazio|cheerleader]] to pair him off with.
File:ModNation No65MHSPlayer.jpg|Another basketball player.
File:ModNation 1996ChristianChandler.jpg|...and someone to pair him off with.
File:ModNation Bionic.jpg|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
File:ModNation ManchesterShirt.jpg|A [[Transformers|Transformer]](?) wearing a [[Manchester High School|Manchild High]] shirt
File:ModNation PaRappa.jpg|[[PaRappa the Rapper]]
File:ModNation TiaraBoobowski.jpg| [[List of fictional characters guest appearing in Sonichu#Sonic the Hedgehog franchise|Tiara Boobowski]]
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg| [[Son-Chu]]
File:ModNation TrollMale.jpg| [[Trolls#Devil_Trolls|Male devil troll]]
File:ModNation TrollFemale.jpg| [[Trolls#Devil_Trolls|Female devil troll]]
File:ModNation TrollbusterCal.jpg| Fighting trolls everywhere with [[The Creepy Stare|the creepy stare]]
File:ModNation TrollbusterDeeDee.jpg| ...And Sarah Palin, apparently.
File:ModNation TrollbusterTee.jpg| Laziest character design, EVER!
File:ModNation Y2KChrisChan.jpg| Chris from the year [[2000]].
File:ModNation Sweetheart.jpg| ModNation Racers, the best way to express your love for [[Jackie|someone.]]
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg| [[Sailor Megtune|...creepy,]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]] love. But love none the less!
File:ModNation_XBox360ko.jpg| [[Hex Box]]!
File:ModNation_PS3mi.jpg| [[PS3]].
File:ModNation LordIlPalzzo.jpg| [[ScotPalazzo|Lord Palzzo]] from [[Excel Saga]].
File:ModNation BlackSonichu.jpg| [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]. Take note that he was added to ModNation Racers [[Racism|long after his wife was]].
File:ModNation PSMoveMotion.jpg| [[Nintendo|<s>Wiimote</s>]] [[PS3|Sony Move controller.]]
</gallery>}}

{{collapsible
|Chris's ModNation cars|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Modnation SonichuKart.jpg|A car for Sonichu
File:Modnation RosechusKart.jpg|And Rosechu too!
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|[[Son-Chu]]
File:Modnation 1991CamaroZ-28.jpg|Hot Wheels
File:Modnation JaguarXj220Revealers.jpg|More Hot Wheels
File:Modnation Zr1CorvetteRevealers.jpg|
File:Modnation PontiacBanshee.jpg|Nothing to see here
File:Modnation AMansToy.jpg|Not [[gay]] at all.
File:Modnation 1stTransformerRaceCar.jpg|Transformation not included
File:Modnation Wiimote.jpg|[[Chris and death|<s>A casket</s>]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Nintendo Wiimote]]
File:ModNation AuNatured.jpg| [[Nudes|Au "Naturel"]]
File:ModNation Prowler.jpg| [[Prower|Prowler]]
File:ModNation CountGraduonScepter.jpg| Count Graduon's [[Sex toys|Scepter]]
File:ModNation AmericanRabbitsskates.jpg| [[The_Adventures_of_The_American_Rabbit|The American Rabbit]]'s rollerskate
File:ModNation Foxxy5..jpg| A van featured in the forgettable series [[Wikipedia:Drawn Together|Drawn Together]]
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichuKart.jpg|A kart for [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Arwing.jpg|[[Wikipedia:Star_Fox_(series)#Arwing|Another game franchise ruined by Chris...]]
File:ModNation ManchesterHighShortBus.jpg|[[Slow-in-the-minds|The short bus]]
File:ModNation TrollbustersTruck.jpg| Who you gonna call? The [[Trolls|Troll]][[Ghostbusters|Busters!]]
File:ModNation TrollbustersCar.jpg| Perfect for running over those [[B-Manajerk|pesky]] [[Michael Snyder|trolls.]]
File:ModNation BombDeliveryRobot.jpg| Of all the robots from [[Excel Saga|this show]], he makes this instead of the gynoids.
File:ModNation PSMoveNavigator.jpg| So much for [[The MovingFoward videos|"moving forward"]]
</gallery>}}

{{collapsible
|"Tour de CWCville" ModNation tracks|<gallery perrow="4">
File:CWCvilleTrackCity.jpg| [[CWCville|Downtown]]
File:CWCvilleTrackPark.jpg| [[McIntire Park|CWCville Park]]
File:CWCvilleTrackForest.jpg| [[Rape|CWCville Forest]]
File:CWCvilleTrackMountain.jpg| CWCville Mountains
File:CWCvilleTrackBeach.jpg| [[Sonichu_8#Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008!"|CWCvillle Beach]]
File:ModNationCity.jpg| What CWCville would [[Fan:CWCVille 1984|really look like]]
</gallery>}}

==See also==

*[[Fan:Sonichu Racers]]

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==

*[http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu Chris's ModNation profile]

[[Category:Video Games]]

File talk:Creepy boat.jpg

2010-09-27T01:38:51Z

Famicon64:

Holy shit. I've seen a lot of Creepy Stares, but that's the first one that actually looks like he's going to murder someone. -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 01:58, 26 September 2010 (PDT)
*He's looks like he wants to do something far worse than murder alone with that stare. FAR worse. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 18:38, 26 September 2010 (PDT)

Chris and music

2010-09-24T18:46:59Z

Famicon64: /* Instruments */

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about]]

When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s tastes range from generic pop to generic rock. However, he [[SHE IS MINE NOW|has been seen]] listening to shit he's heard from ''[[Guitar Hero]]''. While some undoubtedly great songs have made their way into the franchise, it is debatable whether Chris actually listens to them for enjoyment, instead of simply posturing.

==Musical tastes==
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.

Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Z 95.1]] from Charlottesville, which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for women."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[100 2178|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.

The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong, but he's never mentioned the man since, so it was probably just an effort to look like a [[Bob|sophisticated jazz-listener]].

If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' game. This adds yet more [[Fat|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3| video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.

Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced Billy Joel's 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from killing themselves. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had [[Lie|"a lot to live for"]] and told the fan to go listen to the song.

==YouTube background music==
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."

==Singing==

{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}

[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,
 You know you had to learn,
 The execution of your mind,
 You really had to turn"]]

It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly.

Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song. This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech Impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]]/[[wikipedia:castrato|castrato]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.

Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. For similar reasons, it's very obvious in all of Chris's musical performances that he doesn't really know the words, and usually just mumbles along whenever he doesn't know what's next. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.

===A capella===
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].

Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.

===Rap===
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.

Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.

Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:

{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}

This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.

{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}

In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate affect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.

Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs. Yeah...

==Instruments==

[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|Click click click. It's like I'm playing real guitar!]]

[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]

{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit. | [[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}

Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu|"creations"]] are copies of other things, yet are still [[Chris and Copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his [[autistic]] mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.

As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.| Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}

It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of [[autism]], as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.

==Recording tech==
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his unique voice. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:

* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.

* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover. (For example, [[wikipedia:Ed Starink|Ed Starink]] made a crapton of decent-to-awesome synthesizer covers of pop songs. ''Yes, even "Never Gonna Give You Up." I'm not kidding, he really did.'')

* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect…who are we kidding.

Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.

Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Creepy stare

2010-09-24T18:41:10Z

Famicon64: /* Gallery */

[[Image:139-CWCsDarkGlare.jpg|thumb|He thinks it's cool]]

The verdict is in. You gonna get [[rape]]d.

[[Chris]] seems to employ multiple '''stares''', all trying to project a different emotion and all nearly identical to each other, a la Derek Zoolander. He has used them to display anger, frustration, romantic interest, or sometimes an intentional lack of emotion, almost like an autistic variant of a poker face. Like many of Chris's strange [[CWC-isms|mannerisms]], this is likely linked to his [[autism]]; autistics tend to have difficulty understanding and expressing the kind of non-verbal social cues that are second nature to most people.

Chris may think that his stare is a sexy and seductive gaze or an intimidating glare that will force his adversaries into submission, but to ordinary observers, it invariably comes across as creepy or out-of-place.

{{-}}
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Creepy-Stare3.jpg
Image:Creepy-Stare5.jpg
Image:Creepy-Stare1.jpg
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|You just know he's planning [[Rape|something]] based on that expression.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|This photo almost makes you feel sorry for [[Anna McLerran|that bitch]]...
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|Learning at an [[1980s|early age]].
Image:Modnationstare.png|He even incorporates it into [[Video games|video games]]
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|Possibly the most frightening [[Nudes|clothed]] image of Chris.
Image:Whatthefuckiswithhisrighteye.jpg|Srsly, what the fuck is with his right eye?
Image:Csof111.JPG
Image:295.jpg
Image:Chris2.jpg|For some strange reason or another, Chris thinks his gaze is sensual.
Image:Cwc_csof.JPG
Image:1240785819569.jpg|[[Fan:CWCVille 1984|BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.]]
Image:Creepychris.jpg|CHIIIIIIINNNAAAAAAA...
File:CWCstare1.png|[[Sonichu 10|OBJECTION!]]
File:Morechristmasshit.jpg|[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|''Fun for the whole family!'']]
File:Creepy-Stare6.jpg|In the dark...
File:Simonlaweed.jpg|Dat Face.
File:0476-CWC18th7.jpg|Chris as he's about to molest his birthday presents.
File:Strangle that Frieza.JPG
File:Myspace.jpg|The stare has the power to shine in even the [[Chris's room|darkest caves]].
File:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|[[Bob]] can do it too!
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Pedo-Glasses]]

==External links==

* [http://cwcstare.ytmnd.com/ Chris-chan stares into your soul.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB0KPHqjwZw Tribute to the creepy stare.]

{{Mannerisms}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Creepy stare}}
[[Category:Mannerisms]]

September 2010

2010-09-24T18:23:28Z

Famicon64: /* Events of September 2010 */

[[File:Niggocwc.jpg|thumb|Chris will always find a new low]]

'''September [[2010]]''' has begun in the aftermath of yet another sequence of bizarre behavior by Chris, including an attempt to organize his [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|10-year class reunion]] and the violent destruction of his [[PS3]] in exchange for over $9000.

The month started just a little bit slowly, but things seemed to have picked back up in amazing style come the first half of the month. After proclaiming that [[Haters_gonna_hate.mov|he wouldn't let the trolls bother him]] and he was taking back control of his life, he posted up [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|two]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|videos]], both involving a mysterious girl named [[Jackie]], presumably the same one [[Jackie e-mails|who dealt with Chris back in April]].

Aside from his recent dealings with Jackie, unable to handle the lack of [[video games]], Chris used his [[tugboat]] to buy a new PS3.

==Events of September 2010==
*1 September - Chris refuses to reveal the name of his new alleged [[sweetheart]] in a correspondence with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]].
*2 September - Chris purchases a new [[PS3]].
*2 September - The [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]] are released by Clyde Cash, providing insight on the chain of events that led to Chris's well-thought decision to smash the original [[life upgrade]].
*6 September - Chris releases a new video, [[Haters gonna hate.mov]].
*13 September - Two new videos are released. [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|One of them]] is addressed to [[Jackie]], where [[List of Chris's lies|he breaks his previous promise to not reveal her name]], while [[XBox is OK.MOV|the other]] shows Chris renouncing his hatred for the [[Hex Box]].
*16 September - Chris releases [[Song for Jackie.MOV]], where he sings a song about his Love Quest while in blackface. You wish we were joking...
*19 September - [[Andrew Simmons chat|A chat between Chris and an IRC regular]] dating back to [[2008]] is leaked by Clyde Cash.
*20 September - Chris is revealed to have impersonated [[Samantha Thaddeus]] back in [[2009]], proven by a [[Katie Bay E-mails|series of emails]] leaked by Clyde Cash.
*22 September - E-mails from [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays]], [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|Vivian Gee]] and [[Clyde E-mails|Clyde Cash]] are leaked, as well as a list of Chris's [[Best Buy]] purchases, a [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg|bank]] [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|statement]] for Vivian and a [[:File:Thank You, Kate.jpg|drawing Chris drew for Kate]].
*23 September - Chris is found to have purchased a [[ModNation Racers]] mod on [[eBay]] for $30; government welfare at it's finest, people. Meanwhile, [[Bob]] makes some unusual claims in a newly surfaced [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|prank call]]. All and all, we got more insight into the lives of the Chandlers.

{{Timeline}}

2010-09-13T21:52:34Z

Famicon64:

Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails

2010-09-08T19:07:13Z

2010-09-03T20:52:19Z

Famicon64: Updated article to mention recent event involving Tito

[[Image:Tito_300.gif|frame|It's easy to see what the Wallflower fell for, isn't it?]]

'''Surfshack Tito''' is a mysterious [[troll]] who first emerged in early [[March 2010]]. His arrival was reminiscent of the rise of [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of 2009 — like Jack, he first made his mark by hacking [[Chris]]'s [[PS3|PlayStation Network]] accounts.

The nickname "Surfshack Tito" is a reference to the corpulent surf-shop owner from the Nickelodeon kids' cartoon ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. During the exchanges with Chris, most of them from Tito are ended with a Tito-styled word of wisdom. The choice to go with the name is most likely inspired by an infamous copypasta about Tito.

Based on Chris's insults towards Tito in the emails and videos, it was assumed that Chris believes that ''[[Chris and Reality|the actual Tito from Rocket Power is trolling him.]]'' However, the truth is that the image attached to an email shows a Photoshopped image of The Wallflower standing next to a [[niggo|really tall dark guy]]. The photo is left out of this article due to an agreement with Wallflower.

==Tito in Chris's videos==
Chris first addressed Tito in a [[Surfshack Tito (video)|video]] released on 2 March 2010. His comments were brief and cryptic. Chris merely referred to Tito by name, threatened him with doom in his nightmares, and delivered a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha#Execution_and_effect|Curse Shot]] attack.

Shortly afterward, [[Clyde Cash]] explained that Tito had hacked Chris's PSN account a few days prior, in late February. This revelation was accompanied by another info-dump concerning Chris's ongoing [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloadable]]-[[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|content]] spending spree.

A week later, trolls discovered the identity of [[the Wallflower]], throwing Chris into a flailing rage. Initially, Chris seemed to blame Clyde for the breakup of his latest one-sided relationship, but on 14 March 2010, he released a [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|video]] suggesting that he viewed Tito as the culprit. In that clip, he declares, "Tito. Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Your-your days are numbered." Threats involving a shillelagh and Chris's deadly [[pocket knife]] followed.

Tito apparently kept up the pressure on Chris through the next few days of March 2010. On 18 March, Chris released [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|yet another threatening video]], in which he accused Tito of stealing the Wallflower from him, called him a "womanizing rapist" and a "[[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle-suited]] [[nigger]]," and alluded to e-mails he had received from Tito (their contents unspecified, but Chris definitely didn't like them).

However, since the end of the Wallflower [[saga]], Surfshack Tito has slipped from Chris's consciousness and has not made any further appearances in Chris's videos. He is, however, an important figure behind the[[Fashion_Square_Mall#Chris_captured_on_video|August 2010 videotaped encounter of Chris at Fashion Square Mall]].

==E-mails with Chris==
{{main|Surfshack Tito Emails}}

During mid-March 2010, Tito exchanged several e-mails with Chris, baiting him with regard to the revelation of the Wallflower's identity and other subjects. Their conversations reveal that Chris was aware of his gal-pal's interest in gay slash fiction, and was apparently willing to look past it (the quest for china trumping all other considerations). The e-mails also feature Chris employing the word "nigger" with [[Chris and race|great enthusiasm]]. Note that Surfshack Tito is actually Hawaiian, not a [[niggo]]

Between late August and early September 2010, [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|Tito resurfaced]] in Chris's failed plot to scam him and Clyde Cash. Their emails reveal Chris's intentions behind destroying his PS3 and waiting at the mall; he sought a bounty of $9,001 towards his PS3's destruction and very poorly attempted to cheat Tito and Clyde out of the money.
==See also==
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[Surfshack Tito (video)]]
*[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
*[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
*[[Surfshack Tito Emails]]
*[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]

{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Tito, Surfshack}}

[[Category:Trolls]]

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2010-09-01T02:47:30Z

Famicon64:

[[Chris]] had the great idea to make his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The result was something that would only be moderately impressive if done by an elementary school child in art class. The magazine is showcased by Chris on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]]. The issue doesn't contain much other than (you guessed it) shitty drawings of his shitty ideas for video games. This relic is first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]]. He also includes his craptastic creation [[Bionic]] in this issue of failure. The piece of work reflects on Chris's distorted view of how video game companies would be willing to make video games on obsolete gaming systems and giving up their intellectual property over to another company just to make a fucktard happy. Even though this example of Chris's fail was created over a decade ago, he still flaunts it about as one of his greatest artistic achievements. Sadly, this probably ''was'' one of his greatest artistic achievements.

==Content==
Chris-chan's creative sterility is on full display here. He slavishly imitates a commercial product using the limited tools available to him: he creates fake letters, copied game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycled cheat codes. He even mocks up godawful Sonichu ads. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in ''[[Megan|Megaman]] X'' easier to get to.

Even the horrible video game ideas are shamelessly recycled; for instance, ''Sonic 64'' is exactly like ''Super Mario 64'', the Sonic SNES collection is just like ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Megaman X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles enemies from previous ''Megaman'' and ''Megaman X'' games, which is an outstanding satire of Capcom's... fffhahaha just kidding, Chris is even less creative than we thought. Chris claims the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris is also one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''") and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

'''TL;DR:''' Even when given literally unlimited creative control over his little fake ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', Chris can only repeat what he's seen, only mixed up very slightly.

While Sonic "dumping" Sega to be on a [[Nintendo]] console seems eerily prescient, rest assured it's just a huge coincidence nobody back in 1998 would've seen coming true. Still, imagine how CWC must've sperged over Sega shitting itself and dying, consigned to releasing terrible, terrible 3D Sonic games on, among other things, Nintendo consoles. Like the cargo cults of the South Pacific, Chris's homemade ''Nintendo Power'' prediction coming kinda-sorta true likely spurned on his quest to see Sonichu somehow made into a video game and place extra credence in his dreams associated with his [[love quest]]. In fact, during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris occasionally mentions how he had "predicted" things like Sonic games on the GameBoy, or 3D Sonic games, as though his tard musings would somehow impress one of the greatest game makers of all time.

Also, it's worth taking a paragraph to examine the ''Sonic Start'' segment, a fine display of Chris's [[Chris and his ego|masturbatory narcissism]] and sense of entitlement. The fictional NP writer praises Chris's "creativity" (which, as has been established above, is nonexistent) and exalts his determination to see his dreams come true. This determination is immediately rendered moot, when the heads of Nintendo and SEGA fall over themselves to make his dream come true, and he ends up doing none of the work himself. In his fantasy, he is given the world on a silver platter as reward for his astounding creativity and determination, without ever actually using either.

[[Chris and art|Plus, all his drawings stink.]]

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Text==

On 24 March 2009, [[PandaHalo]] released the [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. Among its contents was this hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Presented here are the full contents of that magazine. All spelling errors and the like are Chris’s own.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|Sonic the Hedgehog tries to escape the shitty magazine, but he's trapped in a net made of Chris's pubes.]]

===Cover===

CHRISTIAN CHANDLER

'''NINTENDO POWER'''

[Drawing: Sonic jumps from a (badly drawn) Sega Genesis to a (badly drawn) Nintendo 64.]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS Nintendo!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left|After being given a [[Chris and copyright|Simpsons-esque mouth]] and witnessing Chrissy's horrors, Sonic's floating disembodied head gouged one of its eyes out in disgust.]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. Sonic Tails, his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.]

[Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D "Over the Shoulder" view of Sonic on a green background.]

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb|The special features are almost non-existent, as Chris is too lazy and too retarded to think of any.]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left|In a haste to make "screenshots", Chris scribbled random colors everywhere using Magic Markers.]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|free copy]] of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb|Screenshot from Chris's new game "Super Smash Bros.: Anorexic Edition".]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.] 
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.] 
[Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague fantasy artwork.] 
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left|Donkey Kong looks like a [[Patti Chandler|brown dog]], but that's not the last of Chris's poor drawing skills.]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and art|A boy stands next to an obese, handless elf wearing a dress]].]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.] 
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic and Tails desperately try to escape by flying into Super Mario 64...]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, Bionic.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb|...but they were captured by Chris's army of Transformers and now they are doomed to serve Chris, primarily by punching the screen like idiots.]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left|And here are Sonic's... <s>Cellmates</s> <s>[[Homos|Butt Buddies]]</s> friends that help.]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[Drawing: Tails stands in place and stares dead ahead, looking autistic.]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb|Chris went to the low of cutting these pictures off of a 2-year-old's drawing so he can make his magazine.]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left|Taking into account his [[Simonla|belief in a Toon Town-esque universe where fictional characters' lives and actions are influenced by artists like voo-doo dolls]], Chris drew Robotnik in a way that he'd trip on his own body weight and shape. And having him steal Mario's trousers.]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.] 
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb|The only reason why SNK2 is a Game Boy game is because Chris is trying to justify his artistic incompetence.]]

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic's bad hair day.]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb|Horribly traced from screenshots and boxart.]]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.] 
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.] 
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.] 
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic smiled bravely in the face of that horrible arm-withering disease...]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb|...but tragically, it then spread to his fingers. Might've had an effect on Sonic's usual colour, too.]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses by holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left|The controller is so well designed, even a [[Chris|retard]] can use it with ease.]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb]]

====Optimus Primal====

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Rattrap====

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb|Who whould've known that Megatron was actually the bastard child of Barney and the Michelin Man?]]

====Dinobot====

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left|A Sunburnt X fires spoons.]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb|Zero also tried escaping the shitty magazine, but was also captured. He did not know about it, until the last minute.]]

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.] 
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.] 
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.] 
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left|Snake Man's bad hair day.]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

====SNAKE MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb|Wheel Gator's best [[Chris]] Impersonation.]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

====NEON TIGER====

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left|Take Evasive action when Chris confuses [[Pokemon|Heracross]] and Gravity Beetle.]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<strike>o</strike>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left|Q: When is a Penguin not a Penguin? A: When it's a [[Random Access Humor|Ball-point Penguin]].]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb|Ever wondered what [[Patti]] does between when Chris can be bothered to draw her?]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic 2: Nocturnal Edition.]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.] 
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.] 
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.] 
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.] 
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, Snorlax, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| Nintendo Power
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Supplement==

Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade Nintendo Power magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of the very real and very cool ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''Sonic Gems Collection''.

[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left|Zappin' to the extreme with hastily added letters at the end of the logo! And melting Pikachus!]]

===SONICHU's Adventure===

''Zapping to the Extreme on Gamecube''

{{-}}

[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb|Rosechu impales Sonichu with hearts, <s>[[Niggo]]</s> Blachu sulks at random rocks, Wild throws plants around, Bubbles surfs without a board, Angelica prays, and Punchy...punches crap. If those aren't damn good concepts for a damn good game, we don't know what is.]]

====Single Player Action====

=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Rosechu is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''

=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Blachu is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''

=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Wild is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''

=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Bubbles is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''

=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Angelica is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''

=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Punchy is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and Writing|And of course, Magi-chan Godmods]]. And Perfect Chaos gets demoted from Final Boss to First.]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: Magi-Chan is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be Station Square. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "Thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as Zapdos tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb|The second screenshot here is actually a prediction of the original Sonichu being demoted to extra. But of course with Chris being Chris, it wouldn't be a Chris publication [[Chris and his Ego|without him in it somewhere.]]]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

August 2010

2010-08-30T22:14:27Z

Famicon64:

'''August [[2010]]''' began rather silently, with Chris hooked on ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' to the point where it is seemingly bigger than ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' to him. However, a field agent's account of Chris at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] revealed that Chris's hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]] has risen to a new level when he saw Chris kicking a stall of Xbox 360 games while saying "kick that hex-bawx". Later, [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] (now thinner) were spotted eating at Chick-Fil-A.

Overall, August 2010 was (for the most part) a very quiet month, with little [[Internet]] activity from Chris; there was almost nothing noteworthy to record. However, towards the end, things would be blown wide open when [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call audio]] is released between [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Alec Benson Leary|a worker at the GAMe PLACe]], revealing a number of things, including that his parents didn't know about his trespassing incident and that they feel that [[Michael Snyder]] is leading a conspiracy against their neighborhood and Chris in particular.

Also, to add to the newfound wave of activity from Chris, on August 27, Chris would break his vow of staying off the Internet in order to post [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|a video]] demanding that his high school reunion happen. Also [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|there was a video]] explaining that his PS3 has been reformatted and the trolls have won. Two days later, to the joy of [[trolls|people]] everywhere, he [[The MovingFoward videos|trashes the bricked PS3]], subjecting it to [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|all sorts of destructive acts]], presumably to [[Lies|move on with his life]], but definitely ensuring that August 2010 [[Simonla_Rosechu#Death|went out with a bang.]]

==Events of August 2010==

*6 August — Chris is seen at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] kicking a stall of [[Hex Bawx]] games, and his ancient parents are seen eating at [[Chick-fil-A]].
*10 August — [[Alec Benson Leary]] [[Matthew Noble call|calls]] [[Bob]] claiming to be a [[GAMe PLACe]] employee. It is revealed that Bob and Barb did ''not'' know of Chris's June 6 incident at the GAMe PLACe and that Bob thinks there's a [[100 2178 |major conspiracy]] against Chris.
*15 August — The [[Matthew Noble call]] is released.
*27 August — Chris makes [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|a new video]] about organizing the high school reunion, and his two cents about [[Trolls|cyberbullying]]. He later uploads [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|a video]] where he admits to inadvertently deleting all content on his [[PS3]]'s hard drive and, in a way, he admits defeat to the trolls. This video is later removed the same day.
*29 August - A [[The MovingFoward videos|video compilation]] of Chris destroying his [[PS3]] is released.
*30 August - [[ItIsFinished.MOV|Another video is leaked]], in which Chris destroys his PS3's bricked hard drive with his car.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}