CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:CWCki Forums

2012-11-12T22:28:11Z

Farm Zombie:

I didn't feel comfortable making an article, given I founded the forum, but given that Chris will refer to things on the forum, that he is an occasional lurker, plus others in the /cwc/ community will make references to the forum (though usually derogatory).

Maybe talk about the screencaps, a screenshot of what the forum looks like for a regular user, just don't get too detailed as we're mostly interested in how it's relevant to Chris and not so much about the history of the forum itself.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:06, 25 October 2012 (PDT)

: I've rewritten the introduction a bit and expanded on what the boards are for, but that's all pretty self-evident. The main contribution here is the introduction of links to forward curious people to the boards.
: I'd include the screenshots, but I don't have them, and people have correctly pointed out that maybe advertising the board as a "Chris Hotspot" would be counterproductive to the quality of the forum.
: It'd be someone else's call on what to do with that. I think some notable events, notable posters (such as Asperchu's Creator), and some screenshots of Chris' facebook statuses would contribute to the ''value'' of the wiki article immensely. --[[User:Null|Null]] 11:00, 27 October 2012 (PDT)

The forums have been down for nearly a week. Should I be concerned? [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 21:00, 11 November 2012 (PST)
:We should have a new site up and running within the next couple days. We still haven't heard back from Forumer, so who knows if/when that will be resolved. They're not handling this very professionally. Either way, stay tuned. Things will be fixed shortly. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 12:13, 12 November 2012 (PST)
Somebody complained about cyberbullying, huh? Sigh. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 14:28, 12 November 2012 (PST)

Talk:CWCki Forums

2012-11-12T05:00:41Z

Farm Zombie: Down

Talk:Cakefarts

2012-02-26T04:50:32Z

Farm Zombie:

There is no video posted, does anyone have it? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:04, 25 February 2012 (PST)
:There's a video on YouTube with just audio, because the visual content is NSFW. I think that would be a good place to post that. Otherwise, for the trolls more curious and with their barf bags ready, they would like a download link to the video proper. -[User:Stevo the Human|Stevo the Human] 22:26, 25 February 2012 (CST)

There is plenty of NSFW material on this wiki. The uncensored video should be on this page, accompanied by a warning. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:45, 25 February 2012 (PST)

http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/36/rsv.mp4/
[[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:50, 25 February 2012 (PST)

Talk:Cakefarts

2012-02-26T04:45:50Z

Farm Zombie:

Chris in the media

2012-02-24T04:06:08Z

Farm Zombie: /* Sega Acknowledges Sonichu */ Alright, stop. Grammar time.

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Television, newspapers, magazines and, of course, the internet - if Chris can find some way to get his 15 minutes of fame, he'll do it.

==Traditional Media==
===''Richmond Times-Dispatch''===

{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''[[Wikipedia:Richmond Times-Dispatch|Richmond Times-Dispatch]]'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to "Christian". This was Chris's first known appearance in the media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in [[1994]] chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===

{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In [[1999]], Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 at the time, and he was playing Pokémon cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as eight]].

===''Nintendo Power'' Magazine===

{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how he used a [[Sprung|video game]] to cure his [[Noviophobia|fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's Animal Crossing video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===Shoujo Beat===

{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an anime-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonely virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

=== WBCN Toucher and Rich ===

{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio podcast in Boston. The whole media furor was sparked by the [[I Got A Fish]] video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].<ref>[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145]</ref>

=== KROQ ''The Kevin and Bean Show''===

{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts Kevin and Bean. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

=== ''Web Soup'' ===

{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's I Got A Fish video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]]. Days later, Chris realizes that ''Web Soup'' is a show devoted to making fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|stupid people]] on the internet like himself.

=== ''Slylock Fox'' ===
[[File:SonichuSlylockFox25Sep2011.JPG|thumb|115px|"Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9"]]
On 25 September 2011, ''Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids'', a comic strip strip published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image<ref>[http://content.comicskingdom.net/Slylock/Slylock.20110925.gif]</ref> of [[Sonichu]] in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read: "Today's terrific artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9." It is unknown if Chris submitted it himself or if this is the work of [[trolls]]. The strip's author, Bob Weber Jr., admitted on the Comics Curmudgeon blog<ref>[http://joshreads.com/?p=10951#comment-1014594]</ref> that he fully believed that the "artist" was nine years old (rather than twenty-nine) when he selected the drawing out of the dozens that are submitted to the strip every week.

=== ''The Opie & Anthony Show'' ===
''The Opie & Anthony Show'' on Sirius XM satellite radio which is broadcasted to 18.5 million units did a commentary segment on Christian's video response to drinking his own cum and shitting his adult diapers. It is unknown whether the man child has realized that his autistic antics have technically been broadcasted to low earth orbit.
{{Infobox/video
|name= Opie and Anthony: Chris Chan
|video= {{#ev:youtube|gLYvMLHZfFo}}
}}

==Major Internet media==

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [[Wikipedia:Fark|Fark]] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].<ref>[http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked]</ref>

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on the internet has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about the Internet made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Bob Chandler|par]][[Barbara Chandler|ents]], sponges off the [[monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Harry Partridge===
[[Image:HappyHarryRosechu.jpg|thumb|125px|"Actually, it is excellent; I would not change a thing about it." -Chris, [[Mailbag 9]]]]
Animator Harry Partridge (best known for his [[parody|slanderous mockery]] [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Saturday Morning ''Watchmen'']]) has made several references to Chris and Sonichu, the first of which being a drawing of [[Rosechu]] uploaded to Newgrounds.<ref>[http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/happyharry/rosechu ]</ref> An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "A Nicolas Cage Wants Cake", a musical remix of a scene from ''[[Family Guy|The Family Man]]''.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesa]</ref> In the animated short "Skyrim", [[Son-Chu]]'s "SONICHU" license plate can be seen in the background during the first scene.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY]</ref> In the Followup, "Song of Skyrim", Chris makes a brief cameo in the crowd scene.

When interviewing Harry Partridge on Animation Aficionados, the hosts asked Harry about Chris's cameos in some of his videos (from 0:19:43). The discussion the hosts have with Harry about Chris is quite lengthy, during which Mr. Partridge admits that he is "obsessed with him":<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

{{Quote|1=I really am obsessed with him... I check [[CWCki|''Sonichu.com'']], the wiki about Chris-chan and his weird life, if not daily, every couple of hours... there must be more written about Chris-chan than George Washington. |2=Harry Partridge|3=}}

===Atop the Fourth Wall===
Comic reviewer Linkara goes on a brief tirade in his video "Top 15 Things I Will Never Review" about [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.<ref>[http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html]</ref>

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is... Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I hadn't heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara}}

Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' because he didn't want to engage in potential drama. At the end of the video, he uses Weird Al's "Do I Creep You Out" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
In one episode of ''=3'' (pronounced "equals three"), vlogger Ray William Johnson made fun of Chris's habit of drinking his cum. Though he never gave Chris's name, (referring to him inaccurately as "your average ''[[Captain's Log|Star Trek]]'' nerd) he did provide a link to Chris's old channel.

===Something Awful===
The last episode of Something Awful's “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php]</ref>

Also, the first episode of The Flash Tub's "Gaming Guyz", while not mentioning Chris outright, directly references his [[Medallion]], and how [[Sonic]] cured his [[Autism]] in Part 12.<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/flash-tub/gaming-guys-cartoon.php]</ref>

===SpliceToday.com===
An article<ref>[http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler]</ref> posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his kitchen microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] posted on [[Wikipedia:Twitter|Twitter]]<ref>[http://twitpic.com/s7pfi]</ref> an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

===Sega Acknowledges Sonichu===
On 13 January 2012, Sega of America made a brief reference to Sonichu in one of their "Free Stuff Friday" videos when talking about a Super Sonic plush they were giving away. While this is not TRUE and HONEST Sonichu merchandise, it shows that several Sega employees are at least aware of Sonichu's existence. Jump to 3:50 in the linked video.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnoq4-Mhpgc&feature=plcp&context=C3339408UDOEgsToPDskLt-QBTt2G-JGOVz5W_wy4Z]

{{Infobox/video
|name= SegaAmerica Sonichu
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Cnoq4-Mhpgc&feature=plcp&context=C3339408UDOEgsToPDskLt-QBTt2G-JGOVz5W_wy4Z}}
}}

==References==
<references/>
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

Sonic the Hedgehog

2011-11-24T17:15:42Z

Farm Zombie: neutrality

{{quote|"Sonic the Hedgehog is my lifelong hero.|[[Christian Weston Chandler]].}}
[[Image:Sonichuripoff.jpg|thumb|150px|Some poorly drawn rip-off of [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Sonic the Hedgehog''' is a shitty recolor of beloved [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. [[Sega]]'s blatant plagiarism has given Chris [[Stress|many sleepless nights]].

Chris claims that Sonic has been his "life long hero"<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPv7MqvrDK0&feature=player_embedded#!</ref> since June [[1990]][''sic'']<ref>''Sonic the Hedgehog'' wasn't released until June [[1991]] - see [[Wikipedia:Sonic_the_Hedgehog_(video_game)|here]]. Interestingly, this is also a question on Chris's [[Quizzes#Sonic_the_Hedgehog_History|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' MyBuzz quiz]] which Chris assigns the right answer of June 1991.</ref>, replacing [[The American Rabbit]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>

==History==
Chris likely first learned about Sonic from watching the cartoon show [[Wikipedia:Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog|''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'']], involving the basic plot of Sonic and Tails running around to defeat [[Robotnik]], who was portrayed as a [[Obesity|plump]], [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]] man who would endeavor to conquer Mobius and destroy Sonic, failing spectacularly each time. The show was promoted via a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|contest]], with the grand prize being a [[Chris and money|$1,000 video game shopping spree]]. Chris was one of the two winners of the shopping spree and was featured in a news story about the contest, one of the biggest moments (if not ''the'' biggest moment) in his early life, spreading its influence far and wide, from his decisions to enter contests (cf. [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]], [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|''Harvey Birdman'' Commercial]], [[Pixelated PS3]]) to the eventual creation of [[Sonichu]]. Chris's loyalty was so strong that he was visibly upset when told by bullies that Sonic was dead.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 9|Jackie Chat #9]]</ref>

The reason Chris ''remains'' so unerringly loyal to ''Sonic'' is unknown.

==Role in the comics==
Sonic first appears in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] as Super Sonic battling the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] in [[Station Square]]. Whilst battling him, a [[Pikachu]] comes to fight Perfect Chaos and is tackled by Sonic. The power of the Chaos Emeralds mutates said Pikachu into [[Sonichu]], who then defeats Perfect Chaos.

[[Sonichu 1|In the following issue]], he crashes into Sonichu again. After recognizing each other, they team up in order to rescue [[Rosechu]] from the clutches of [[Black Sonichu]].

Other than being the catalyst for the creation of Sonichu and teaming up with him in the second issue, Sonic serves no other purpose. He disappears after issue #1, never mentioned again until [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], where [[Robbie]] sickeningly refers to him as "Uncle Sonic".

===Tails's lack of a role in the comics===
'''Miles "Tails" Prower''' is Sonic's sidekick, and has been in the franchise since [[Wikipedia:Sonic The Hedgehog 2|''Sonic the Hedgehog II'']] was released in [[1992]] for the [[Wikipedia:Sega Master System|Sega Master System]]. He has been featured in almost every form of ''Sonic''-related media such as cartoons, anime, and comic books. As such, many have been perplexed on why neither he nor an idiot ripoff (likely named "Prowerlo Sonichu") has made an appearance in ''Sonichu''.

Chris has refused to include Tails in his comics, despite ripping off Knuckles and Shadow and featuring an [[Transformers|Autobot]] named "[[Prower]]". It is likely Tails was omitted because of the rumors (made by [[BlueSpike|thirteen-year-olds]] on [[GameFAQs|GameFAGs]] and Failgrounds) that Sonic and Tails were a [[homos|gay]] couple. Chris said that "I just did not feel need for a Tails-like Character in the stories. I disagree with all the rumors against Tails; if you read the [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comics)|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Comic Book Series]] from Archie Comics, Tails gets a Girlfriend."<ref>[[Mailbag_21#Why no Tails?|Mailbag #21]]</ref> He later claims that he "did not feel it appropriate for Tails to be in my comic."<ref>[[Mailbag_38#Chris is an expert matchmaker|Mailbag #38]]</ref>

Despite this, Chris ''did'' create a Tails-like [[Pokémon]] named Evails, though he only appeared on the [[Wall of Originals]]. Tails also gets a mention in "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", a Sonichu short story which predates the comics.

== Amy Rose ==
'''Amy Rose''' is a ''[[Sonic]]'' character created in [[1993]], making her first appearance in the game [[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|''Sonic CD'']]. She serves as the self-proclaimed love interest of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In fleshing out the world of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], Chris quickly ripped off the character to serve as Sonichu's girlfriend, [[Rosechu]].

[[Image:Chrischan_traced.jpg|thumb|Yep, definitely different.]]

While Sonichu is essentially a recolor of Sonic with a Pikachu tail shoved up his ass, Rosechu is a much more direct rip-off. Like Amy Rose, Rosechu has green eyes and pink fur, with the spines on her head arranged to resemble a bob haircut. Both wear red boots and dresses, with Rosechu's having a blue trim in a slightly different pattern to Amy's white trim. Visually, the only obvious distinction between the two is the [[Raichu]] tail Rosechu has, and the spines on the center of Amy's forehead, which Rosechu lacks. It should be noted, however, that when Chris draws Amy, he [[Chris and art|fails]] to draw the forehead spines properly.

{{quote|MAJOR Differences between Amy and Rosie; Amy never had spikes on her back, the clothes are Different; Rosie’s Headband is White, not Red, and Rosechu has a modern girl kinda attitude, and lucky for her, Sonichu RARELY runs away from her charms. And, of course, she has her Electric-Type Attacks to boot.|Christian Weston Chandler, damning himself with [[The Sonichu Chronicles|faint praise]].}}

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose2.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Even Chris is bored with this sexist gabfest.]]

As Chris points out, the only real difference between Amy and Rosechu in terms of characterization is that while Amy's crush on Sonic is not reciprocated, Sonichu has been sucking face with Rosechu since the [[Sonichu 0|day they met]]. Obviously, this hardly marks a difference in their ''personality''. If anything, it says more about the differences between Sonic and Sonichu, since they respond differently to affection. Since she's already made her romantic conquest, Rosechu is free to pursue the life of a "modern girl", which apparently means [[Sonichu 8|face-raping people]] and producing [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|amateur pornography]].

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Sheesh, they even think the same words.]]

As an epilogue to the Sonichu/Sonic team-up in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], Rosechu happens to meet Amy in [[CWCville Mall]]. With no hint of irony, the two remark upon how similar they are, and engage in a [[Women's Rights|vapid conversation about shopping and relationships]].

== Shadow the Hedgehog ==
Introduced in [[2001]]'s [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure 2|''Sonic Adventure 2'']], '''Shadow the Hedgehog''' is an anti-hero version of Sonic the Hedgehog. Quickly becoming a fan favorite among the ''Sonic'' family of characters, it was only a matter of time before [[Chris]] decided to "create" another [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]...

Unlike [[Rosechu]], who is virtually identical to Amy in every relevant respect, [[Black Sonichu]] (Blake) only resembles Shadow in his color scheme and tenuous allegiance to the forces of evil. While Shadow is primarily motivated by his desire to learn about his mysterious past, Black Sonichu was informed of every aspect of his creation by [[Naitsirhc]]. Most notably, while Shadow is supposed to be a dark and edgy character, Black Sonichu is basically just a punk, committing blatant mischief for very transparent motives.

While this might seem to make Black Sonichu halfway original, it really only means that he's a poor copy of [[Sonichu]] instead of a slightly less poor copy of Shadow. Blake's only real claim to individuality was that he acted like an asshole; since falling for [[Bubbles]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he doesn't even have that going for him.

Shadow makes one appearance in the ''Sonichu'' canon when he shows up as a drummer for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], but is later replaced by [[Punchy Sonichu]].

==Comics==
[[File:Sth189.jpg|thumb|right|More likely than not a bigger inspiration than the games series itself.]]

Sonic comics are almost as numerous as the games themselves, pumped out at a whim for a buck (they even made ones specific for each region of the world), and typically just as shitty. The one Chris is familiar with is the one published by Archie Comics.

Chris has hinted at and mentioned that he is familiar with this comic series, and the layout of his comics tends to replicate the style of early Archie ''Sonic'' covers. Reldnahc's calling Chris "Prime-Chan" in the comic may be a reference to the character [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_comic_book_characters#Evil_Sonic.2FScourge_the_Hedgehog|Scourge the Hedgehog]], an evil version of Sonic from another dimension; Sonic is referred to as "Sonic Prime" when dealing with inter-dimensional storylines. Chris has also been known to trace images from an early special of the comic, "Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles", for the basis of some of his fight scenes, and one of the early shorts, entitled "Sonichu 25 Years Later," takes its name from a 2004 arc called "Mobius 25 Years Later." Whether he still reads the comics now or not is unknown. He has stated that he would like ''Sonichu'' to be published by Archie Comics.<ref>[[IRC (22 December 2008)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat #6]]</ref> If Chris still reads it, it will probably be a source of plagiarism and mass-debating for years to come.

Starting in [[April 2010]], [[Sony]] began releasing the Archie ''Sonic'' comics for download via the [[Playstation Network]].<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/22/playstation-comics-store-update-17/ PlayStation Comics Store Update]</ref> The likelihood that Chris has purchased them? [[Chris and money|Close to 100%.]]

==Plagiarism==
To put it bluntly, Sonichu is a [[copyright]] infringement. Chris tries to work around this fact by claiming that Sonichu is a [[parody]] of Sonic the Hedgehog, but Sonichu does not really derive humour or provide commentary on the original franchise.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|Chris drew this in between ages 8 and 28.
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|He's a street smart cop with twenty years on the force! He's a rookie straight out of academy! Together, they fight crime!
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Because we all like to see our favorite heroes crossover one day! [[Sonichu 1|Oh wait!]]
Image:0065-Sonic.jpg|Sonic looking an awful lot like Chris.
Image:326-SonicJamCard.jpg|...I thought the answer was "Aim for the [[Sonichu 4|sourdough region]]"?
Image:327-SonicJamCardBck.jpg|[[6 June 2010|Yep,]] [[Don't Mess With Me|that]] [[Sonichu 10|most]] [[Autism Tutorial Extra|certainly ]][[28 October 2011|taught]] [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|him.]]
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|0-0 [http://www.geekologie.com/2009/12/um_yeah_maybe_get_somebody_els.php Geekologie Reader] does not approve of Chris's artwork.
Image:447-CWCSonicPlate.JPG|Sonic the Blowfish
Image:468-SonicCup.JPG|Chris makes his own [[Jimmy Hill|unlicensed ''Sonic'' merchandise]].
Image:469-SonicCupSide.JPG|Hello, lawsuit.
Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|Chris was so excited, he produced [[dirty, crapped briefs]].
Image:0077-SonicDoll.jpg|Chris still has this doll and it has seen [[For Julie's Eyes Only|horrible things]].
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Doctor Robotnik]]
* [[Chris and copyright]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (character)|Sonic the Hedgehog]] on [[Wikipedia]]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Stubs|Sonic the Hedgehog]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Talk:Sonic the Hedgehog

2011-11-24T17:13:23Z

Farm Zombie: /* The Archie Comics */

==To do==
*compare official Sonic image with Chris's shitty version
*appearances by Sonic in the comic
*his role in becoming Sonichu
*his role in the CWC universe

whoa, nod flenders effect. all i can see is wrong, miscolored sonichu. [[User:Jump|Jump]] 07:23, 3 July 2009 (CEST)

==the full summary of [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcki/index.php?title=Sonic_The_Hedgehog&diff=34262&oldid=34257 my edit]==
Just for anyone who's wondering.

''I'm quite certain the "teachings" from Sonic were from AOSTH (the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon Chris watched); at the end of each episode a segment before the credits called "Sonic Says" (or "Sonic Sez" if you're a horrible speller like Tails) would appear, with Sonic teaching kids moral lessons somewhat related or not related at all to the episode the kids watched. It's possible, [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|as Chrissy entered a contest related to the "Sonic Says" segments and randomly won (which triggered all the shit that happening now to him).]]''

so yeah --[[User:USAJAP1|USAJAP1]] 10:40, 18 October 2009 (CEST)

== SEGA redirects here ==

Does it warrant it's own article? [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 02:46, 26 October 2009 (CET)

== Added Nostalgia Critic link ==

* I think it's a pretty good crash course in the shows for people who never gave a shit about Sonic as a kid and still don't today. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 21:10, 25 November 2009 (CET)

==More interested in furry aspects==

It has always come off to me that, while he likes the old-school Sonic games, he more enjoyed the cartoons in the 90s and the later games because they're filled to the brim with furry crap. That's just been my observation. [[User:IMB706|IMB706]] 13:35, 8 December 2009 (CET)

== The Archie Comics ==

Chris has mentioned the Archie Sonic comics a few times in mailbags and other places, and I've noticed there are elements in his stories and comic structure reminiscent of the Archie comics. Think there's enough info to warrant a section or even a page on the Archie Sonic comics? [[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 23:40, 1 February 2010 (UTC)
*Agreed. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]
*I started it off, but I leave it to people with more time to flesh it out. i'll provide whatever information I can think of. Firstly I think Mary Lee Walsh's design may have been inspired by the Iron Queen.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 02:20, 2 February 2010 (UTC)
**Here's another one: In StH #50 Julian (SatAM) Robotnik was killed by his own weapon, the Ultimate Annihilator. He was later replaced by another version of himself from an alternate timeline. This version would then go on to become the main antagonist for the book, Dr. Eggman. Could Chris have possibly used this "alternate doppelganger" plot device to fuel his "Two Marys" theory? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]
***I doubt the Iron Queen theory floats. Remember, the Iron Queen was just a one-shot villain that appeared after the original Robotnik was killed off in the comics (I think it was issue 60). She didn't get her chance to shine until just recently when writer Ian Flynn resurrected the character and made her an actual threat. I could, though, buy the two Marys deal. The character Naistirch, though, may be analog to Evil Sonic/Scourge the Hedgehog--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 20:24, 2 February 2010 (UTC)
****Ah, yeah you're right. It's most likely just coincidence. IQ showed up in 1998, which was a few years before the MLW saga. Though its possible that Chris might have had a strange attachment to the character. Until he tells us otherwise, then it is very unlikely. I've been trying to mailbag him about the comic, but the sysop doesn't seem interested in those emails. Maybe we can send more emails to him?[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 12:32, 3 February 2010 (UTC)

It's not really fair to be calling the Archie series bad. The only time it was truly Sonichu levels of horrible was during Ken Penders/Karl Bollers run. After they were fired in 2006, the comic became a fun, kid-friendly, and enjoyable read for all ages. Much of the furry drama was removed and it became a fun read. I tried to edit the article to reflect that a bit.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 07:38, 17 May 2011 (PDT)
:If you could find a way to do it in fewer words, that would be nice. Thing is, right now there's a caption half the size of the associated image and it looks hideous. I don't know exactly why it matters that it got better, but if you really want it there it needs to be smaller. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:00, 17 May 2011 (PDT)
The role of the CWCki is to chronicle and sometimes point out the faults of Chris, not to review comics Chris didn't create. I'm going to remove a few words that knock the Sonic comic. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 09:13, 24 November 2011 (PST)

== Sonic the Pickle ==

[http://www.destructoid.com/sonic-the-polish-pickle-164889.phtml]

I'm sure we can use this to some extent?[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 02:31, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
* It would be funny, but seeing no one has replied yet... yeah. --[[User:GandWuser|GandWuser]] 15:47, 3 July 2010 (UTC)

== Sonic Contest ==

http://www.sonicthehedgehog4.com/contest/

Do you think Chris will enter?

== Hey ==

Does anyone think that we should do a section on what the sonic fanbase thinks of Chris? [[User:GOTDANG|GOTDANG]] 6:36 3 July 2010
* You mean like the one on the [[Autism]] page? --[[User:GandWuser|GandWuser]] 15:47, 3 July 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, well the Sonic fanbase is already a laughing stock, there has to be a few butthurt sonic fanboys due to Chris's presence [[User:GOTDANG|GOTDANG]] 5:32, 4 July 2010

== Contradictions ==

Just thought I'd point out that Chris claims Sonic was his hero since 1990, but then a user suggests that Chris probably learnt about Sonic from the cartoon which wasn't aired until 1993; why would Chris lie about when he heard about Sonic?

--[[User:Gustofwind|Gustofwind]] 21:03, 7 May 2011 (PDT)

== Knuckles? ==

Even though he doesnt really make an apperence in the comic, he is an obvious inspiration of punchy. He is also mentioned in Chris's Nintendo Power book he made. Do you think it would be a good idea to add a little about Knuckles in this page too? If so I would be glad to add it in. Just an idea... --[[User:Cupcake299|Cupcake299]] 11:38, 8 August 2011 (PDT)

Nintendo

2011-10-10T03:02:57Z

Farm Zombie: /* Nintendo and Chris */ Giant AR Card

[[File:ChrisGameShop.jpg|thumb|Chris at the Nintendo shoppa]]

'''Nintendo Co., Ltd.''' (Japanese: 任天堂株式会社 ''Nintendō Kabushiki gaisha'') is a multinational company from [[Wikipedia:Kyoto|Kyoto]], Japan, which was founded in 1889 and started off with producing [[Card games|playing cards]]. During the latter half of the 20th century it started getting more and more involved in the [[video games|video game]] industry. In [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], five years before the birth of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], Nintendo brought out its first gaming console.<ref>[http://www.nindb.net/system/color-tv-game.html Color TV Game | NinDB]</ref> It is now one of three chiefs competitors on this market, along with [[Microsoft]] and [[Sony]].

==Nintendo and Chris==
[[File:Customwiimote.jpg|thumb|Chris chillin' with his Wii]]

Chris currently owns several Nintendo consoles, as well as [[List of Chris's games|a shitload of games for them]]. For a time being (before the [[PS3]] came along), ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' was the biggest game in his life and he made the hour-long [[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]] in which he would tell Nintendo about his many personal problems and how much he hated the [[Sony]] [[PlayStation]]; it still remains his longest video to date.

Along with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], ''[[Pokémon]]'' was his "[[plagiarism|inspiration]]" for creating [[Sonichu]] and the other [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]; this was actually positively covered by ''[[Nintendo Power Magazine]]''.

During the early epic [[Miyamoto Saga]] in [[2008]]-[[2009]], Chris was [[troll]]ed by [[Clyde Cash]] impersonating various Nintendo officials, including [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Takashi Tezuka]], [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] and the Nintendo lawyer [[Jay Z]].

In [[2010]], Nintendo's [[Flipnote Hatena]] service became a major part in Chris's ongoing [[Love Quest]]. In 2011, Chris felt betrayed by his favorite company for [[3DS Flipnote| not porting the Flipnote software quick enough]].

In [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|several]] [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|videos]] released in 2011, a Giant Mii AR Card [http://club.nintendo.com/rewards-details/a/21002.do] is visible on Chris's wall. This particular item is only available to Club Nintendo members, for the price of 300 coins.

==In the comic==
[[File:NDS.PNG|thumb|300px|Seems an awfully convenient plot device - it's almost as if Chris isn't a very talented writer.]]
In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], Chris uses a DS to connect to Wi-Fi, search [[CWCville]] for villains.

==See also==
[[File:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|[[SEGA]] Nintendo!]]

*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|Appeal to Nintendo in Redmond]]
*[[Club Nintendo]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays e-mails]]
*[[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]
*[[Chris E-mails 2004-2006|Nintendo e-mails]]
*[[An Official Sonichu Update|Nintendo of America]]
*[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Wii Incident]]
*[[Wii Remote of Fail]]

==Soures==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[wikipedia:Nintendo|Nintendo]] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Club Nintendo

2011-10-10T03:01:14Z

Farm Zombie: Giant AR Card

[[Image:Mariohat.png|thumb|left|What hackers did when the Club Nintendo yearly award was given]]

'''Club Nintendo''' is a customer-loyalty program that rewards the purchasers of [[Nintendo]] [[video games]] and hardware. Buyers can register a code on the Club Nintendo website confirming that they've bought an item, get a certain number of points depending on the value of the item, and then cash in the points for various prizes.

[[Chris]] is a big fan of these sorts of giveaways ([[My Coke Rewards]] being another example), and so he seems to have diligently registered his new acquisitions over the years. This record of his purchases spans from when the program first got started in 2003 (as My Nintendo) all the way through to [[February 2009]], where he quit Club Nintendo to get himself more absorbed into his [[PS3]] and ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.

Since the records may not be entirely representative of what he's bought, it's hard to draw any firm conclusions from this information. However, it suggests that Chris doesn't download games for his Wii with nearly the same abandon as he does on the [[PlayStation Network]]. His Wii downloads as accounted here are actually fairly limited and show pretty decent taste on his part. (This may just be a result of the PSN sucking up every last bit of cash from his [[monthly tugboat]], though.)

Chris spent his My Coke Rewards points almost as fast as he could get them, but for whatever reason, he hoarded his Club Nintendo points. According to the trolls who hacked his account, Chris acquired only one prize: a copy of ''Game & Watch Collection'' for the Nintendo DS. [[Clyde Cash]], in his wisdom, chose to spend a few more on a gift for [[Barack Obama]].

In [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|several]] [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|videos]] released in 2011, a Giant Mii AR Card [http://club.nintendo.com/rewards-details/a/21002.do] is visible on Chris's wall. This particular item is only available to Club Nintendo members, for the price of 300 coins.

==The list==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Date Registered
!align="left"|Item
!align="left"|Type
|-
|19 November 2003
|''Mario Party 5
|Game
|-
|19 November 2003
|''Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
|Game
|-
|24 November 2003
|Game Boy Advance
|Hardware
|-
|24 November 2003
|Game Boy Advance SP
|Hardware
|-
|24 November 2003
|Nintendo GameCube
|Hardware
|-
|13 March 2004
|''Pokémon Colosseum
|Game
|-
|5 May 2004
|''Wario Ware, Inc.: Mega Party Game$
|Game
|-
|13 June 2004
|''Classic NES Series: Super Mario Bros.
|Game
|-
|8 September 2004
|''Pokémon FireRed
|Game
|-
|8 September 2004
|''Pokémon LeafGreen
|Game
|-
|26 October 2004
|''Donkey Konga
|Game
|-
|29 June 2004
|GBA Video ''Pokémon - Johto Photo Finish
|Other
|-
|18 July 2004
|GBA Video ''Pokémon - For Ho-Oh the Bells Toll
|Other
|-
|31 December 2004
|Nintendo DS
|Hardware
|-
|5 January 2005
|''Super Mario 64 DS
|Game
|-
|12 January 2005
|GBA Video ''Pokémon - I Choose You!
|Other
|-
|17 February 2005
|''WarioWare: Touched!
|Game
|-
|5 March 2005
|''Pokémon Emerald
|Game
|-
|30 March 2005
|''Donkey Kong Jungle Beat
|Game
|-
|30 March 2005
|GBA Video ''Pokémon - Beach Blank-Out Blastoise
|Other
|-
|1 April 2005
|''Pokémon Dash
|Game
|-
|6 May 2005
|''Yoshi Topsy-Turvy
|Game
|-
|15 May 2005
|''Donkey Konga 2
|Game
|-
|15 May 2005
|''Polarium
|Game
|-
|25 May 2005
|''WarioWare: Twisted!
|Game
|-
|7 September 2005
|''Nintendogs - Dachshund & Friends
|Game
|-
|12 November 2005
|Game Boy micro
|Hardware
|-
|19 November 2005
|''Metroid Prime Pinball
|Game
|-
|25 December 2005
|''Animal Crossing: Wild World
|Game
|-
|27 December 2005
|''Mario Kart DS
|Game
|-
|7 January 2006
|''Kirby: Canvas Curse
|Game
|-
|23 February 2006
|''Mario Party 7
|Game
|-
|23 February 2006
|''Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
|Game
|-
|9 March 2006
|''Pokémon Trozei
|Game
|-
|23 March 2006
|''Tetris DS
|Game
|-
|28 March 2006
|''Metroid Prime Hunters
|Game
|-
|11 April 2006
|''True Swing Golf
|Game
|-
|15 April 2006
|''Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time
|Game
|-
|15 April 2006
|''Super Princess Peach
|Game
|-
|19 April 2006
|''Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day
|Game
|-
|16 May 2006
|''New Super Mario Bros.
|Game
|-
|1 June 2006
|''Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix
|Game
|-
|30 August 2006
|''Star Fox Command
|Game
|-
|15 September 2006
|''Sudoku Gridmaster
|Game
|-
|21 September 2006
|''Big Brain Academy
|Game
|-
|26 September 2006
|''Mario Hoops 3-on-3
|Game
|-
|27 September 2006
|''Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis
|Game
|-
|27 October 2006
|''Drill Dozer
|Game
|-
|27 October 2006
|''Magnetica
|Game
|-
|29 October 2006
|''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team
|Game
|-
|2 November 2007
|Everybody Votes Channel
|Download
|-
|2 November 2007
|Internet Browser
|Download
|-
|2 November 2007
|''Kirby's Adventure
|Download
|-
|2 November 2007
|''Metroid Prime 3'' Preview
|Download
|-
|2 November 2007
|''Paper Mario
|Download
|-
|2 November 2007
|''Super Metroid
|Download
|-
|9 November 2007
|''Alien Soldier
|Download
|-
|9 November 2007
|''Sin & Punishment
|Download
|-
|20 November 2007
|Check Mii Out Channel
|Download
|-
|20 November 2007
|Nintendo Wii
|Hardware
|-
|20 November 2007
|''Pokémon Battle Revolution
|Game
|-
|20 November 2007
|''Pokémon Diamond
|Game
|-
|20 November 2007
|''Pokémon Pearl
|Game
|-
|20 November 2007
|''Super Mario Galaxy
|Game
|-
|20 November 2007
|''Wii Play
|Game
|-
|24 November 2007
|Nintendo DS Lite
|Hardware
|-
|14 December 2007
|''Bonk's Adventure
|Download
|-
|14 December 2007
|''Pokémon Snap
|Download
|-
|14 December 2007
|''Wrecking Crew
|Download
|-
|11 March 2008
|''Super Smash Bros. Brawl
|Game
|-
|5 May 2008
|''Pokémon Puzzle League
|Game
|-
|27 May 2008
|Nintendo Channel
|Download
|-
|27 May 2008
|Photo Channel 1.1
|Download
|-
|16 June 2008
|''My Pokémon Ranch
|Download
|-
|12 August 2008
|''Family Table Tennis
|Download
|-
|12 August 2008
|''Sonic the Hedgehog
|Download
|-
|5 January 2009
|''Space Invaders Get Even
|Download
|-
|5 January 2009
|''World of Goo
|Download
|-
|5 January 2009
|''Animal Crossing: City Folk
|Game
|-
|9 January 2009
|''Battalion Wars 2
|Game
|-
|9 January 2009
|''Mario Kart
|Game
|-
|9 January 2009
|''Mario Super Sluggers
|Game
|-
|9 January 2009
|''Metroid Prime 3 Corruption
|Game
|-
|9 January 2009
|''Wario Land: Shake It!
|Game
|-
|10 January 2009
|''Wii Music
|Game
|-
|15 January 2009
|''Sonic the Hedgehog 2
|Download
|-
|15 January 2009
|''Sudoku Challenge!
|Download
|-
|23 January 2009
|''The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
|Download
|-
|23 January 2009
|''Tetris Party
|Download
|-
|28 January 2009
|''Milon's Secret Castle
|Download
|-
|28 January 2009
|''Solomon's Key
|Download
|-
|30 January 2009
|''The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
|Game
|-
|3 February 2009
|''Sonic Chaos
|Download
|-
|3 February 2009
|Wii Speak Channel
|Download
|-
|4 February 2009
|''The Legend of the Mystical Ninja
|Download
|-
|4 February 2009
|''Wonder Boy
|Download
|-
|10 February 2009
|''Dr. Mario Online Rx
|Download
|-
|20 February 2009
|''Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon
|Game
|}

==See also==
* [[My Coke Rewards]]

==Download==
*http://www.mediafire.com/?mknwejnzn1a

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

Chris in the media

2011-09-25T16:40:27Z

Farm Zombie: /* Slylock Fox */ grammar check

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Television, newspapers, magazines and, of course, the internet - if Chris can find some way to earn his [[Wikipedia:15 minutes of fame|15 minutes of fame]], he'll do it.

==Traditional Media==
===Richmond Times-Dispatch===

{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to the more well-known "Christian". This is Chris's first known appearance in the media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in 1994 chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===

{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In 1999, Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 at the time, and he was playing Pokémon cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as 8]].

===Nintendo Power Magazine===

{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how [[lie|he used a video game to cure his fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's Animal Crossing video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===Shoujo Beat===

{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an anime-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonely virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

=== WBCN Toucher and Rich ===

{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio ([http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 podcast]) in Boston. The whole media furor was sparked by the [[I Got A Fish]] video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].

=== KROQ The Kevin and Bean Show===

{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts Kevin and Bean. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

=== Web Soup ===

{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's I Got A Fish video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]]. Days later, Chris realizes that ''Web Soup'' is a show devoted to making fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|stupid people]] on the internet like himself.

=== Slylock Fox ===

On 25 September 2011, Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids, a comic strip strip published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image of Sonichu in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read: "Today's terrific artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9."

==Internet Media==

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on the internet has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about the Internet made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Bob Chandler|par]][[Barbara Chandler|ents]], sponges off the [[monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Nicolas Cage Wants Cake===
An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesaA Nicolas Cage Wants Cake]", which is a mash up of a scene from the film [[Family Guy|The Family Man]]. This may be the only Youtube video he is featured in that wasn't uploaded by Chris or a troll. It was animated by Harry Partridge.

===Skyrim===
In the animated short "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY Skyrim]" (also by Harry Partridge), a Virgina license plate reading "SONICHU" can be seen in the background during the first scene.

===Atop the Fourth Wall===
Comic reviewer Linkara goes on a brief tirade in his video [http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html Top 15 Things I Will Never Review] about [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is... Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I hadn't heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara}}

Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' because he didn't want to engage in potential drama. At the end of the video, he uses Weird Al's "Do I Creep You Out" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
In one episode of =3, I will end you, Ray made fun of Chris's habit of drinking his cum. Though he never gave Chris's name, (refereeing to him as 'your average star-trek nerd) he did provide a link to Chris's old channel. This is one of the few videos about Chris not made by a troll.

===Webcam Ward===
The [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php last episode] of Something Awful's “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].

===SpliceToday.com===
An [http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler article] posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his kitchen microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] [http://twitpic.com/s7pfi posted on twitter] an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (and now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

Chris in the media

2011-09-25T16:25:18Z

Farm Zombie: /* Traditional Media */ Slylock Fox

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Television, newspapers, magazines and, of course, the internet - if Chris can find some way to earn his [[Wikipedia:15 minutes of fame|15 minutes of fame]], he'll do it.

==Traditional Media==
===Richmond Times-Dispatch===

{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to the more well-known "Christian". This is Chris's first known appearance in the media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in 1994 chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===

{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In 1999, Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 at the time, and he was playing Pokémon cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as 8]].

===Nintendo Power Magazine===

{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how [[lie|he used a video game to cure his fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's Animal Crossing video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===Shoujo Beat===

{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an anime-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonely virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

=== WBCN Toucher and Rich ===

{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio ([http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 podcast]) in Boston. The whole media furor was sparked by the [[I Got A Fish]] video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].

=== KROQ The Kevin and Bean Show===

{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts Kevin and Bean. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

=== Web Soup ===

{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's I Got A Fish video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]]. Days later, Chris realizes that ''Web Soup'' is a show devoted to making fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|stupid people]] on the internet like himself.

=== Slylock Fox ===

On 25 September 2011, Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids, a comic strip strip published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image of Sonichu in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read, "Today's Terrific Artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9."

==Internet Media==

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on the internet has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about the Internet made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Bob Chandler|par]][[Barbara Chandler|ents]], sponges off the [[monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Nicolas Cage Wants Cake===
An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesaA Nicolas Cage Wants Cake]", which is a mash up of a scene from the film [[Family Guy|The Family Man]]. This may be the only Youtube video he is featured in that wasn't uploaded by Chris or a troll. It was animated by Harry Partridge.

===Skyrim===
In the animated short "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY Skyrim]" (also by Harry Partridge), a Virgina license plate reading "SONICHU" can be seen in the background during the first scene.

===Atop the Fourth Wall===
Comic reviewer Linkara goes on a brief tirade in his video [http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html Top 15 Things I Will Never Review] about [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is... Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I hadn't heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara}}

Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' because he didn't want to engage in potential drama. At the end of the video, he uses Weird Al's "Do I Creep You Out" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
In one episode of =3, I will end you, Ray made fun of Chris's habit of drinking his cum. Though he never gave Chris's name, (refereeing to him as 'your average star-trek nerd) he did provide a link to Chris's old channel. This is one of the few videos about Chris not made by a troll.

===Webcam Ward===
The [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php last episode] of Something Awful's “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].

===SpliceToday.com===
An [http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler article] posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his kitchen microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] [http://twitpic.com/s7pfi posted on twitter] an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (and now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

Talk:Thorg

2011-08-15T22:53:15Z

Farm Zombie: /* Know Your Meme */

Do we really need an article on Thorg? Everything we know about him can easily be incorporated into the Calling Out videos, maybe if he gets mentioned elsewhere we can mention him. In the very least, we can mention him on the [[Trolls]] page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:31, 12 August 2011 (PDT)
*If it is going to be merged, it needs to be merged into trolls. Really, we don't have any more information on him than we do on Brain Bash, so I don't care either way. Though I was planning on massively rewriting the trolls article soon as well. I'd suggest we leave this article open for now, in case further videos provide new information. I suggest we leave the article alone at least until Chris's deadline for the blackmail videos, and if by then we have no more information than we do now or Thorg doesn't do anything, we can merge it. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 10:16, 12 August 2011 (PDT)

==Know Your Meme==
I suggest we keep the link to the Know Your Meme page. It demonstrates who easily Chris is tricked. I'm not sure why it was removed. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 18:28, 14 August 2011 (PDT)
*Security reasons, perhaps?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 20:39, 14 August 2011 (PDT)
**If you can't pick up that Chris was easily tricked, then you are an absolute dumbass and don't deserve to have it spelled out for you. No references to the meme, anywhere, until this is over. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 14:43, 15 August 2011 (PDT)
***If you wish for the article to remain free of references to the meme, fine. I am well aware that anyone who is paying attention to Chris's recent antics knows that he was tricked, but the link shows where the image fed to him came from and adds a little more context. I suggest that, some time down the road, we put the link back in.[[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 15:53, 15 August 2011 (PDT)

Thorg

2011-08-15T21:32:34Z

Farm Zombie: /* Exposed */ read discussion first

[[Image:TH.PNG|thumb|Elusive master troll Thorg.]]
{{Quote|He is a pizza-faced atheist.|Chris on Thorg<ref>[[Calling_Out#Calling_Out_.22Thorg.22_-_Jeremy]]</ref>}}

'''Thorg''', alleged real name "'''Jeremy Slonwhite'''" (born 1978 or 1979), is a [[troll]] who gained notoriety in [[August 2011]], when he was targeted by [[Chris]] through a series of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]]. Chris claimed he was responsible for exposing [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] in July 2011 and creating a [[20 December 2009|slanderous billboard]] back in 2009.
== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
[[File:Clyde billboard 04.jpg|thumb|350px|Follow your tomdreams, Chris.]]
Following Chris's eight-month absence from the [[Internet]], he reappeared with three videos addressed to Thorg and [[Surfshack Tito]]. In the second, "Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy", Chris claimed to have information on Thorg; that his real forename was Jeremy, that he lived in Canada, that he could be found in a [[video game]] store, and that he was an [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. He then proceeded to make several demands, including the removal of all references to Tomboys and Tomgirls from the CWCki, a public apology video, and a billboard display in New York claiming that Chris was [[Homos|straight]].

In "Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"", Chris set the deadline for these demands at 31 August.

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==

While [[Surfshack Tito|Tito]] eventually caved in to Chris's demands a few days later, Thorg remained unconvinced that Chris meant business and neglected to respond. On 10 August Chris released [[Calling Out#Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|a video]], in which he reiterated his demands for Thorg and revealed more information on him. More images of him were released, and Chris disclosed that he was a fan of [[Wikipedia:Live action role-playing game|LARPing]].

Chris was also incredibly hostile towards Thorg's atheism, going on a tangent about how, through the power of empathy, Chris [[Chris and Reality|could feel]] what it was like to be Jesus because Jesus was crucified and Chris was trolled. He also mentioned that as a [[Lie|good natured]] Christian he wouldn't do it, but he would love to chase Thorg out of town with an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches.

[[Image:Gaybar.png|thumb|The Photoshop in question.]]

Most of Chris's hostility towards atheism appears to come from ''[[Family Guy]]'' and simple creationist arguments, likely picked up from the Internet, his father or his congregation.

==Exposed==
On 12 August, a full 19 days ahead of the deadline, Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|exposed]] the dox he had collected on Thorg. This included his age (32), city of residence ([[Wikipedia:Vancouver|Vancouver]]), place of employment ([[Gamestop]]), and nerdy interests. Chris also revealed several full pictures of Thorg, showing that the troll looks suspiciously like Finnish resident, [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/butthurt-dweller-gordo-granudo Gordo Granudo.].

== See also ==
*[[Calling Out]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[20 December 2009]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Trolls]]

Talk:Thorg

2011-08-15T01:28:24Z

Farm Zombie:

Thorg

2011-08-15T01:26:40Z

Farm Zombie: /* Exposed */ know your meme

[[Image:TH.PNG|thumb|Elusive master troll Thorg.]]
{{Quote|He is a pizza-faced atheist.|Chris on Thorg<ref>[[Calling_Out#Calling_Out_.22Thorg.22_-_Jeremy]]</ref>}}

'''Thorg''', alleged real name "'''Jeremy Slonwhite'''" (born 1978 or 1979), is a [[troll]] who gained notoriety in [[August 2011]], when he was targeted by [[Chris]] through a series of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]]. Chris claimed he was responsible for exposing [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] in July 2011 and creating a [[20 December 2009|slanderous billboard]] back in 2009.
== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
[[File:Clyde billboard 04.jpg|thumb|350px|Follow your tomdreams, Chris.]]
Following Chris's 8 month hiatus from the Internet, he reappeared with three videos addressed to both Thorg and [[Surfshack Tito]]. In second, "Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy", Chris claimed to have information on Thorg; that his real name was Jeremy, that he lived in Canada, that he could be found in a video game store, and that he was an [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. He then proceeded to make several demands, including the removal of all references to Tomboys and Tomgirls from the CWCki and a public apology video, and a billboard display in New York claiming that Chris was straight.

In "Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"", Chris set the deadline for these demands at 31 August.

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==

While [[Surfshack Tito|Tito]] eventually caved in to Chris's demands a few days later, Thorg remained unconvinced that Chris meant business and neglected to respond. On 10 August Chris released [[Calling Out#Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|a video]], in which he reiterated his demands for Thorg and revealed more information on him. More images of him were released, and Chris disclosed that he was a fan of LARPing (Live Action Role Playing).

Chris was also incredibly hostile towards Thorg's atheism, going on a tangent about how, through the power of empathy, Chris [[Chris and Reality|could feel]] what it was like to be Jesus as he was tortured on the cross. He also mentioned that as a [[Lie|good natured]] Christian he wouldn't do it, but he would love to chase Thorg out of town with an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches.

[[Image:Gaybar.png|thumb|The Photoshop in question.]]

Most of Chris's hostility towards atheism appears to come from ''[[Family Guy]]'' and simple creationist arguments, likely picked up from the Internet, his father or his congregation.

==Exposed==
On 12 August 2011, a full 19 days ahead of the deadline, Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|exposed]] the dox he had collected on Thorg. This included his age, city of residence, place of employment ([[Gamestop]]), and nerdy interests. Chris also revealed several full pictures of Thorg, showing that the troll looks suspiciously like Finnish resident, [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/butthurt-dweller-gordo-granudo Gordo Granudo.]

== See also ==
*[[Calling Out]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[20 December 2009]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Trolls]]

Thorg

2011-08-13T00:46:30Z

Farm Zombie: /* Exposed */ better

[[Image:Thorg IRL.jpg|thumb|Elusive master troll Thorg.]]
'''Thorg''' (real name "'''Jeremy Slonwhite'''") is a [[troll]] who gained notoriety in [[August 2011]], when he was targeted by [[Chris]] through a series of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]]. He was dubbed a "pizza-faced [[Chris and Religion|ATHEIST]]" by Chris, who claimed he was responsible for the discovery of [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] and creator of a slanderous billboard.
== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==

Following Chris's 8 month hiatus from the Internet, he reappeared with three videos addressed to both Thorg and [[Surfshack Tito]]. In second, "Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy", Chris claimed to have information on Thorg; that his real name was Jeremy, that he lived in Canada, that he could be found in a video game store, and that he was an [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. He then proceeded to make several demands, including the removal of all references to Tomboys and Tomgirls from the CWCki and a public apology video.

In "Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"", Chris sets a deadline for these demands for 31 August 2011.

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==

While [[Surfshack Tito|Tito]] eventually caved in to Chris's demands a few days later, Thorg remained unconvinced that Chris meant business and neglected to respond. On 10 August, 2011 Chris released [[Calling Out#Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|a video]], in which he reiterated his demands for Thorg and revealed more information on him. More images of him were released, and Chris disclosed that he was a fan of LARPing (Live Action Role Playing).

Chris was also incredibly hostile towards Thorg's atheism, going on a tangent about how, through the power of empathy, Chris [[Chris and Reality|could feel]] what it was like to be Jesus as he was tortured on the cross. He also mentioned that as a [[Lie|good natured]] Christian he wouldn't do it, but he would love to chase Thorg out of town with an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches.

[[Image:Gaybar.png|thumb|The Photoshop in question.]]

Most of Chris's hostility towards atheism appears to come from ''[[Family Guy]]'' and simple creationist arguments, likely picked up from the Internet, his father or his congregation.

==Exposed==
On 12 August 2011, a full 19 days ahead of the deadline, Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|exposed]] the personal data he had collect on Thorg. This included his age, city of residence, place of employment, and more interests. Chris also revealed several full pictures of Thorg, showing that the troll looks suspiciously like Finnish resident, [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/butthurt-dweller-gordo-granudo Gordo Granudo.]

== See Also ==
*[[Calling Out]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[20 December 2009]]

Thorg

2011-08-13T00:45:37Z

Farm Zombie: update

[[Image:Thorg IRL.jpg|thumb|Elusive master troll Thorg.]]
'''Thorg''' (real name "'''Jeremy Slonwhite'''") is a [[troll]] who gained notoriety in [[August 2011]], when he was targeted by [[Chris]] through a series of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]]. He was dubbed a "pizza-faced [[Chris and Religion|ATHEIST]]" by Chris, who claimed he was responsible for the discovery of [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] and creator of a slanderous billboard.
== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==

Following Chris's 8 month hiatus from the Internet, he reappeared with three videos addressed to both Thorg and [[Surfshack Tito]]. In second, "Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy", Chris claimed to have information on Thorg; that his real name was Jeremy, that he lived in Canada, that he could be found in a video game store, and that he was an [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. He then proceeded to make several demands, including the removal of all references to Tomboys and Tomgirls from the CWCki and a public apology video.

In "Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"", Chris sets a deadline for these demands for 31 August 2011.

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==

While [[Surfshack Tito|Tito]] eventually caved in to Chris's demands a few days later, Thorg remained unconvinced that Chris meant business and neglected to respond. On 10 August, 2011 Chris released [[Calling Out#Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|a video]], in which he reiterated his demands for Thorg and revealed more information on him. More images of him were released, and Chris disclosed that he was a fan of LARPing (Live Action Role Playing).

Chris was also incredibly hostile towards Thorg's atheism, going on a tangent about how, through the power of empathy, Chris [[Chris and Reality|could feel]] what it was like to be Jesus as he was tortured on the cross. He also mentioned that as a [[Lie|good natured]] Christian he wouldn't do it, but he would love to chase Thorg out of town with an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches.

[[Image:Gaybar.png|thumb|The Photoshop in question.]]

Most of Chris's hostility towards atheism appears to come from ''[[Family Guy]]'' and simple creationist arguments, likely picked up from the Internet, his father or his congregation.

==Exposed==
On 12 August 2011, a full 19 days ahead of the deadline, Chris [[exposed|Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]] the personal data he had collect on Thorg. This included his age, city of residence, place of employment, and more interests. Chris also revealed several full pictures of Thorg, showing that the troll looks suspiciously like Finnish resident, [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/butthurt-dweller-gordo-granudo Gordo Granudo.]

== See Also ==
*[[Calling Out]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[20 December 2009]]

Michael Snyder

2011-08-10T17:07:33Z

Farm Zombie: Slight Reorganization

{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Michael Snyder! '''JEW!'''|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris apologizing to Michael.]]}}

{{quote|He probably will.|Michael Snyder to the above.}}

[[File:2004 merchant of venice 008.jpg|thumb|Michael Snyder, the dirty <s>Jew</s> gentile.]]
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb||Chris at war with Michael.]]

'''Michael "Mike" Snyder''' (born late July/early August 1956<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]</ref>) is the [[manajerk|manager]] (but not owner)<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A]]</ref> at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and the hero responsible for banning [[Chris]] from the store. According to Chris, he hated his guts. It's easy to see why. Oddly enough, this is the only manager of any store who pissed Chris off and was never referred to as a [[manajerk]].

Although Chris had [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|fumblingly attempted to apologize]] to Michael in a video in March 2009, his clumsy facade of contrition is not difficult to see through; it is, in reality, not contrition but ''attrition''! In [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|a later video]], Chris still clearly harbors resentment towards being banned, at one point adding an annotation accusing Michael of being "A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL". This further confirms that, in Chris's eyes, anyone who makes Chris angry or doesn't give him what he wants must be a [[troll]].

==Chris's Antisemitism==
{{quote|That was why the Son of a Bitch Jew kicked me out of The Game Place, Permanently, After YEARS of Loyal Volunteer Service in the Pokemon TCG League. I had apologized numerously before, but he's still the pigheaded, stubborn Jew he was then.|[[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Chris being his usual humble self.]]}}

On 12 April 2010, [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris confronted Michael]] in an attempt to get back into The GAMe PLACe. In his anger, Chris ends up [[South Park|calling him a Jew]] as an insult.

Based on comments from earlier in the audio recording, Chris seems to have jumped to his conclusion about Michael's religion on account of his last name. In fact, "Schneider" is a German surname meaning "tailor" (and "Snyder" descends from the Dutch word for "cutter"). While some German Jews might have wound up with the name by anglicizing the Jewish surname "Sznajder", it doesn't necessarily denote Jewish heritage at all. Michael himself, rather like Al Pacino, whom you see up there, is a goy.

In a [[100 2178|more recent video]], Chris links Michael to a conspiracy he believes the [[Greene County]] school board have staged against him to keep him down, and calls Michael "GOD-DAMN, GREEDY ... SNYDER", greed being a another Jewish stereotype, and wishes him to Hell together with the trolls. Chris seems to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

== Chris attempts Murder ==
{{main|6 June 2010}}
{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|Michael in a YouTube comment.}}

==Continued Resentment==
[[Matthew_Noble_call|In an August 2010 phone call]], we learned that Bob and Snorlax believe Michael Snyder (along with Megan, Lucas, and Mimms) to have been the original troll. They are convinced that Michael, along with Megan and some homosexuals (likely [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), conspired to ban Chris from The GAMe PLACe for being autistic. Said conspiracy goes on to blame Michael for every stupid thing Chris did in the last few years, going so far as to accuse him of breaking into Chris's checking account and stealing his credit card around the beginning of the month.

More recently, in [[Lars Call|a phone conversation with model boat enthusiast Lars McNulty]], Chris claimed that he would "be poppin' a cap in that old Michael Snyder ass" if he had a "[[Megatron pistol|real life gun]]". Although he was probably just talking big to try and impress Lars, this isn't the [[CWC is Angry|first time]] Chris has expressed [[Gun Comic|a desire to gun down]] somebody he believes has wronged him.

In the [[Autism Tutorial]] from February 2011, Chris express his wish for the [[wikipedia:Kristallnacht|The GAMe PLACe to be burned down]] along with [[wikipedia:The Holocaust|Michael Snyder]].

Chris's hatred of Michael hit a new low when he went on a diatribe in the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] videos. Chris, having no evidence by his own admission, accused Michael of being a part of a [[pedophilia]] conspiracy with the owner of the Game Place, topping it all off with saying he probably molests his own daughter.

==Mike's opinion of Chris==
Snyder did not engage with trolls until [[2010]], when he made several [[YouTube]] comments.

{{quote|When I go to hell, I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other pokemon kids, including my own, because even 10 years ago you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk. Signed, That goddam Michael Snyder|Comment<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRJlreNexFU&lc=H4DNT6hErMgcsSRClm-pu6iLL_1ZaF0ObFCT7h6BT-k YouTube comment]</ref>}}

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[Daniel Mimms]]
*[[Lucas]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube Account]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Snyder, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Manajerks]]

Michael Snyder

2011-08-09T23:12:16Z

Farm Zombie: Moved info to a more appropriate part of the article.

{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Michael Snyder! '''JEW!'''|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris apologizing to Michael.]]}}

{{quote|He probably will.|Michael Snyder to the above.}}

[[File:2004 merchant of venice 008.jpg|thumb|Michael Snyder, the dirty <s>Jew</s> gentile.]]
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb||Chris at war with Michael.]]

'''Michael "Mike" Snyder''' (born late July/early August 1956<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]</ref>) is the [[manajerk|manager]] (but not owner)<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A]]</ref> at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and the hero responsible for banning [[Chris]] from the store. According to Chris, he hated his guts. It's easy to see why. Oddly enough, this is the only manager of any store who pissed Chris off and was never referred to as a [[manajerk]].

Although Chris had [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|fumblingly attempted to apologize]] to Michael in a video in March 2009, his clumsy facade of contrition is not difficult to see through; it is, in reality, not contrition but ''attrition''! In [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|a later video]], Chris still clearly harbors resentment towards being banned, at one point adding an annotation accusing Michael of being "A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL". This further confirms that, in Chris's eyes, anyone who makes Chris angry or doesn't give him what he wants must be a [[troll]].

Most recently, in [[Lars Call|a phone conversation with model boat enthusiast Lars McNulty]], Chris claimed that he would "be poppin' a cap in that old Michael Snyder ass" if he had a "[[Megatron pistol|real life gun]]". Although he was probably just talking big to try and impress Lars, this isn't the [[CWC is Angry|first time]] Chris has expressed [[Gun Comic|a desire to gun down]] somebody he believes has wronged him. In the [[Autism Tutorial]] from February 2011, Chris express his wish for the [[wikipedia:Kristallnacht|The GAMe PLACe to be burned down]] along with [[wikipedia:The Holocaust|Michael Snyder]]. On 9 August 2011, Chris uploaded a [[Calling Out|video]], in which he accused Snyder of sexually abusing his daughter.

==Chris's Antisemitism==
{{quote|That was why the Son of a Bitch Jew kicked me out of The Game Place, Permanently, After YEARS of Loyal Volunteer Service in the Pokemon TCG League. I had apologized numerously before, but he's still the pigheaded, stubborn Jew he was then.|[[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Chris being his usual humble self.]]}}

On 12 April 2010, [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris confronted Michael]] in an attempt to get back into The GAMe PLACe. In his anger, Chris ends up [[South Park|calling him a Jew]] as an insult.

Based on comments from earlier in the audio recording, Chris seems to have jumped to his conclusion about Michael's religion on account of his last name. In fact, "Schneider" is a German surname meaning "tailor" (and "Snyder" descends from the Dutch word for "cutter"). While some German Jews might have wound up with the name by anglicizing the Jewish surname "Sznajder", it doesn't necessarily denote Jewish heritage at all. Michael himself, rather like Al Pacino, whom you see up there, is a goy.

In a [[100 2178|more recent video]], Chris links Michael to a conspiracy he believes the [[Greene County]] school board have staged against him to keep him down, and calls Michael "GOD-DAMN, GREEDY ... SNYDER", greed being a another Jewish stereotype, and wishes him to Hell together with the trolls. Chris seems to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

[[Matthew_Noble_call|In an August 2010 phone call]], we learned that Bob and Snorlax believe Michael Snyder (along with Megan, Lucas, and Mimms) to have been the original troll. They are convinced that Michael, along with Megan and some homosexuals (likely [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), conspired to ban Chris from The GAMe PLACe for being autistic. Said conspiracy goes on to blame Michael for every stupid thing Chris did in the last few years, going so far as to accuse him of breaking into Chris's checking account and stealing his credit card around the beginning of the month.

== Chris attempts Murder ==
{{main|6 June 2010}}
{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|Michael in a YouTube comment.}}

==Mike's Opinion of Chris==
Snyder did not engage with trolls until [[2010]], when he made several [[YouTube]] comments.
{{quote|When I go to hell, I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other pokemon kids, including my own, because even 10 years ago you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk. Signed, That goddam Michael Snyder|Comment<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRJlreNexFU&lc=H4DNT6hErMgcsSRClm-pu6iLL_1ZaF0ObFCT7h6BT-k YouTube comment]</ref>}}

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[Daniel Mimms]]
*[[Lucas]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube Account]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Snyder, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Manajerks]]

Michael Snyder

2011-08-09T23:09:51Z

Farm Zombie: /* Chris's Antisemitism */ Calling Out

{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Michael Snyder! '''JEW!'''|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris apologizing to Michael.]]}}

{{quote|He probably will.|Michael Snyder to the above.}}

[[File:2004 merchant of venice 008.jpg|thumb|Michael Snyder, the dirty <s>Jew</s> gentile.]]
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb||Chris at war with Michael.]]

'''Michael "Mike" Snyder''' (born late July/early August 1956<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]</ref>) is the [[manajerk|manager]] (but not owner)<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A]]</ref> at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and the hero responsible for banning [[Chris]] from the store. According to Chris, he hated his guts. It's easy to see why. Oddly enough, this is the only manager of any store who pissed Chris off and was never referred to as a [[manajerk]].

Although Chris had [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|fumblingly attempted to apologize]] to Michael in a video in March 2009, his clumsy facade of contrition is not difficult to see through; it is, in reality, not contrition but ''attrition''! In [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|a later video]], Chris still clearly harbors resentment towards being banned, at one point adding an annotation accusing Michael of being "A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL". This further confirms that, in Chris's eyes, anyone who makes Chris angry or doesn't give him what he wants must be a [[troll]].

Most recently, in [[Lars Call|a phone conversation with model boat enthusiast Lars McNulty]], Chris claimed that he would "be poppin' a cap in that old Michael Snyder ass" if he had a "[[Megatron pistol|real life gun]]". Although he was probably just talking big to try and impress Lars, this isn't the [[CWC is Angry|first time]] Chris has expressed [[Gun Comic|a desire to gun down]] somebody he believes has wronged him.

==Chris's Antisemitism==
{{quote|That was why the Son of a Bitch Jew kicked me out of The Game Place, Permanently, After YEARS of Loyal Volunteer Service in the Pokemon TCG League. I had apologized numerously before, but he's still the pigheaded, stubborn Jew he was then.|[[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Chris being his usual humble self.]]}}

On 12 April 2010, [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris confronted Michael]] in an attempt to get back into The GAMe PLACe. In his anger, Chris ends up [[South Park|calling him a Jew]] as an insult.

Based on comments from earlier in the audio recording, Chris seems to have jumped to his conclusion about Michael's religion on account of his last name. In fact, "Schneider" is a German surname meaning "tailor" (and "Snyder" descends from the Dutch word for "cutter"). While some German Jews might have wound up with the name by anglicizing the Jewish surname "Sznajder", it doesn't necessarily denote Jewish heritage at all. Michael himself, rather like Al Pacino, whom you see up there, is a goy.

In a [[100 2178|more recent video]], Chris links Michael to a conspiracy he believes the [[Greene County]] school board have staged against him to keep him down, and calls Michael "GOD-DAMN, GREEDY ... SNYDER", greed being a another Jewish stereotype, and wishes him to Hell together with the trolls. Chris seems to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

[[Matthew_Noble_call|In an August 2010 phone call]], we learned that Bob and Snorlax believe Michael Snyder (along with Megan, Lucas, and Mimms) to have been the original troll. They are convinced that Michael, along with Megan and some homosexuals (likely [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), conspired to ban Chris from The GAMe PLACe for being autistic. Said conspiracy goes on to blame Michael for every stupid thing Chris did in the last few years, going so far as to accuse him of breaking into Chris's checking account and stealing his credit card around the beginning of the month.

In the [[Autism Tutorial]] from February 2011, Chris express his wish for the [[wikipedia:Kristallnacht|The GAMe PLACe to be burned down]] along with [[wikipedia:The Holocaust|Michael Snyder]]. On 9 August 2011, Chris uploaded a [[Calling Out|video]], in which he accused Snyder of sexually abusing his daughter.

== Chris attempts Murder ==
{{main|6 June 2010}}
{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|Michael in a YouTube comment.}}

==Mike's Opinion of Chris==
Snyder did not engage with trolls until [[2010]], when he made several [[YouTube]] comments.
{{quote|When I go to hell, I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other pokemon kids, including my own, because even 10 years ago you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk. Signed, That goddam Michael Snyder|Comment<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRJlreNexFU&lc=H4DNT6hErMgcsSRClm-pu6iLL_1ZaF0ObFCT7h6BT-k YouTube comment]</ref>}}

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[Daniel Mimms]]
*[[Lucas]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube Account]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Snyder, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Manajerks]]

Talk:Tomgirl Pictures

2011-04-30T00:45:35Z

Farm Zombie:

In case anyone's wondering, the images are called "TG#" because TomGirl. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* '''MY EYES!''' CAN NOT UNSEE! [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)CFA

Is there ANY backstory to this?!? What I don't understand is that he 1) went into PUBLIC wearing this stuff (there's a picture of him at his mall) and 2) It looks like he shaved his underarms in one or two pictures...WHY?! Dear God why?! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 19:26, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* Pretty sure he always shaved his underarms. I don't know why I know that. --[[User:Kwippleton|Kwippleton]] 19:38, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:I guess you don't understand hygiene, 4Macie. That's besides esthetics. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 06:02, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:The article could use some clarification as to what the hell is going on here. There's gotta be some sort of story behind this. What's the deal? This is some of Chris's weirdest antics yet. Just when you think the lulcow ran dry... [[User:Abyssal|Abyssal]] 19:42, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Note that both ears are pierced, not just the gay ear (see: cucumbers on eyes pic). Also, that's his real hair and the images aren't censored; he's wearing a g-string. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Are they really pierced or are they those clip on/magnet ones?? Is there anyway we can tell?? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:04, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:: They're real. Trust me. If they were clip ons, there would be more of an indent. I'm also pretty sure that clip ons are bigger. The ones I had as a kid certainly were, and I was pretty into those things. [[User:PedoforkBait|PedoforkBait]] 20:08, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::: That would make sense...I bet the ring/hoop ones are fake though, there's no hole for them in other pictures (unless he got them later). And why are they so oddly placed?? They aren't on the lobe like they should be...unless they've changed where they put them now (I got mine when I was 7). Or...could he have done them himself??? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::: They are real. Also, I'm not aware of any way to have a stud clip-on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 20:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
*At this point, he's gotta be fucking with us. He wants to gross us out, so we don't bother him. --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 20:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: You think he pierced his ears to get us to leave him alone? [[User:PeachyKeen|PeachyKeen]] 20:20, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

He's using a real camara to take his picture in some of these, that's unusual. I wonder what the poor guy who had to develop them was thinking. O_o [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 20:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

This is probably a long shot, however I really think he did this for a girl. Most likely a girl who liked to dress up as a guy and wanted Chris to do the same. Or it's a really, really good troll. Either way, whoever made him do this is really good at what they do, because these pictures are FUCKING DISGUSTING. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 20:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: [[:File:TG3.jpg|"...when the government fears the people, there is liberty"]]. I'm sure this new heartsweet has her Guy Fawkes mask ready. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 02:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Let me tell you something, and like I said, this really isn't really the place to say it. But nonetheless, whenever I try to rationalize what Chris does, I usually get disappointed because the simple fact of the matter is - Chris is just fucked up.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The saddest thing about all this is that this didn't even suprise me in the slightest, I wasn't even mildly shocked to see Chris in drag, or even with a sock on his flacid manhood. --[[User:Gustofwind|Gustofwind]] 21:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: many are saying it isn't a sock...it's a g-string. You can't see the strings holding it up because of his gut roll over but when he does the picture of his butt, you can see the black thong part in the crack.....if you REALLY want to look that is. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Goddaemnd monkey-assed hell. Well, what do we do with this page? Start describing shit? In fuckin' ''detail''?! It could stand as is, like the CWCki's own personal 'shock page'...--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:00, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

INFO, somebody has it. Where are the pictures from? Did he upload them somewhere? Or is it old stuff made public by trolls? --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:It's all recent and Clyde got it by hacking Chris' PSN. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 22:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::Excellent, this, coupled with the PSN being down, is probably the best chance we'll get at him returning. --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::PSN has been offline for a week all because of these photos, spread the word [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 22:15, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::In the meantime, someone try to find an appropreate picture of King Hippo from the Captain N cartoon; he also crossdresses, and he's also a fat, useless, discolored retard.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:17, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

In some of these, he looks uncannily like a fat version of Buffalo Bill. [[User:Vulture-chan|Vulture-chan]] 22:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

I was about to ask if the PSN take down made him go further down the crazy hole o_o [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:Chris has been at this a while, and you can tell because growing out hair takes a while. The PSN going down was coincidence. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 00:49, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
I also love the claims that he is "straight". Yeah, Chris is as "straight" as a circle >_> [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:34, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Circle? Try "ampersand." --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:25, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

here's something everybody should think about: chris is wearing his mom's clothes. i mean surely he didn't pay for any of this shit when there are MOUNTAINS of free clothes blocking up whole rooms of his house. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 00:36, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:Already wore his mum's underwear that one time. Wouldn't be a new thing for him. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 01:19, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

I wonder if Bob has caught this yet. [[User:Westbound|Westbound]] 05:08, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

*Guys, please, remember - this page is [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|not a forum]]. Srsly, I told you fuckers that that ModNation Racer character wasn't Crystal.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:22, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

Anyone with some solid info about this? Do this is a new saga? Who asked him to dress that way? Do we got any metadata linked to the picture so we can have time/date info? This is the best update for months and we got so little info on it. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:00, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

*Could he be trying to be Crystal the Imaginary Twin sister? He tends to stick to the stripey clothing and jeans, which is pretty much what she wore [[User:PoppyPink|PoppyPink]] 00:24, 30 April 2011 (GMT)

*This is pure speculation, but do you think it's Mic, the one girl he talked about in the Autism Tutorial?--[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 07:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The updates are few an far between, but when they come, they are fascinating. I especially like how the Sailor Moon poster is in some of the the pics. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

Chris and English

2011-04-19T00:28:04Z

Farm Zombie: /* Questions and suggestions */ grammar tweak

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor this.]]

[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things related to Chris, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older. This might be due to the fact that he spends more and more time in isolation.

==CWC-isms==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading will be able to understand [[autism|exactly what he means]]. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]". He also tends to appropriate existing words, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[navy]] isn't a sea-based military force and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like "da", Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive grasping desperately for credibility. Other famous [[CWC-isms]] like "[[tobacky]]", "[[niggos]]", and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

These CWC-isms combine with his [[Speech Impediment|existing speech problems]] and his accent to form what you might call [[Wikipedia:Logorrhea|logorrhea]], literally "word flux". Basically, it's verbal diarrhea: a constant stream of almost-words. Any resemblance to actual English is tenuous at best, especially since his vocabulary is profoundly lacking in the first place.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and Reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know and tolerate. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, which only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instances". Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and — quite frankly — [[Creepy stare|creepy]].

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly how self-centered he is. While the whole purpose of language is to express thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech, and his grammar is abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger-banging]] as "outtercourse"<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref>, which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between". (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

Chris misuses punctuation in many ways, often resulting in unintentional comedy. In particular, he tends to add hyphens where they aren't needed, such as in his stock phrase "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]". Clearly he means that he wants to create a relationship from the "ground up", from a blank slate, from the simplest of beginnings. A literal interpretation, though, means he wants to create a girlfriend from something that's been ground up — ground chuck, ground pepper, what-have-you.

In addition, he is obviously afraid that whatever he's feeling won't be adequately conveyed through his words, and tries to make up for this by relying on repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style. For similar reasons, he tends to Capitalize Words At Random, Especially nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying.

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads. From the CWCipedia article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality homosexuality].}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like any six-year-old with ADD, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he instead veers off topic in order to babble about [[Random Access Humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences. A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is. Related is his overuse of semicolons, which are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, but Chris uses to crudely string together two tangentially-related thoughts into a barely coherent sentence. Chris even uses the semicolon in dialogue where it would normally be considered improper.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[Honest Content|honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would not mean he's not telling the whole truth.

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

One will notice with all the "''sic''"'s scattered around the CWCki, that Chris has trouble with simple spelling. Despite all the other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He regularly misspells words that should be easy to spell, such as "mies" ([[Sonichu 0|miles]]) and "dood" ([[Sonichu 7|good]]). He seems to have trouble with switching "eni"s for "ein"s, as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Sometimes, he seems to spell words phonetically like a grade-school child learning how to read, such as "characiture" (caricature), rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling. To put the icing on the cake, he writes "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

It was only relatively recently discovered that the term [[Anchuent Prophecy|"Anchuent"]] is supposed to be a pun, and not just another of Chris's random acts of butchery of the English language — or even a mistake due to the fact that "u" is right next to "i" on the QWERTY keyboard. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so persistent that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes completely unnoticed for ''years''.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]." This rather clunky phrasing is repeated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He asserts that his idea of "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" on several occasions, and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump," most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]].

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his [[autism]] for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be laid at the door of his autism — other possibilities include that:
* Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so successfully, he tends to reuse what he knows is a working formula.
* Chris thinks his peculiar constructions are [[Random-access humor|funny]] and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
* Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
* Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====
Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort-of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough - it's got 'new' and 'address' in it."

For a more blatant example, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical.

===Muddled-up Proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Autism|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with pens and their relative might vis-a-vis swords — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear. He cannot even create simple proverbs like
* "One who has his dick in the peanut butter jar is fucking nuts."

===Literal Interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's Father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff…candy…don't…I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's Father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' Don't… Don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just good stuff like vegetables. Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that the Dad here was trying to make gets lost in sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris sometimes branch out, lead nowhere, and cause frustration and tears (and tears of mirth for everyone but the two people who are conversing at the time).

As the quote read in [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm; this is no exception for Chris, who has often been unable to pick up sarcastic comments.

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. He fails to elaborate any of his answers, and cannot distinguish the implied meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag #2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres — do you listen while you draw the comics, assuming you listen music at all while drawing the comics? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no". Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again." Chris took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now," and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This may seem innocuous at first, as regular people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag #34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts".<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|''Sonichu'' Quiz #2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] begins with "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed FCC for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag #51]]</ref> even though FCC has no authority over web or print media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag #51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "comic writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show.]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. "''For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic''].''"</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue #3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10|Mailbag #10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now," rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's [[autism]], where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; he almost always refers to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he's feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

==Spoken language==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, but that's really not saying much. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uhh", "hmmm", and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also tends to stutter and repeat himself.

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|''Brutal Legend'']] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is trying to be funny.

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising.]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[Autism|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit.]]}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|akekECv9XCQ}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris perhaps now has realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated hulk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his [[autism]], but it is also related to his [[Random Access Humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|"Smell Yo Duck"]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously an exaggeration of Chris's feelings, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]]. Despite this, Chris has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash,"<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "BUGS BUNNY WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39|Mailbag #39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the Xes are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch".) Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity level — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory is often floated regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry Internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
* [[Speech Impediment]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The High School Story]]
* [[Chris and writing]]
* [[Spanish]]
* Anything written on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Talk:Autism Tutorial Extra

2011-04-17T03:02:07Z

Farm Zombie: /* Edit War */ 81/91

i've recorded his other 6 videos too, so unless someone with better recording equipment beats me to it, i'll upload them as soon as i can -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 08:43, 13 February 2011 (PST)
:So I guess we have two people recording the video. Should we just use the higher-quality one? Either way, thanks guys. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]]
::The versions I see are better than mine. My camera seems to have forgotten how to capture the color blue.[[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 09:21, 13 February 2011 (PST)

Can someone with the game get a shot of the sackboy version of Hans Asperger to compare to the real thing? [[User:Enibure|Enibure]] 04:04, 17 February 2011 (PST)

Added a paragraph that reinforces why Chris is a moron. Feel free to edit or delete as you'd like. [[User:ForsytheIII|ForsytheIII]] 16:59, 21 February 2011 (PST)

Just for reference, my edit summary was meant to say "trimming for clarity", but I'm trying to do two things at once and missed the backspace. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 11:16, 23 February 2011 (PST)

==Edit War==

We need to decide on this 1981/1991 thing. Stop editing it until you agree. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 14:54, 23 February 2011 (PST)
:he specifically says "one year before i was born", and he was reading off a script so it's unlikely he would say the wrong year. his speech just kind of slurred when he said 1981. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 15:09, 23 February 2011 (PST)
I just listened to it a couple times. It sounds like 1981 to me. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:02, 16 April 2011 (PDT)

== spanner ==

here's something about this video i haven't seen mentioned anywhere, because nothing else is going on right now and maybe someone will find it amusing... about halfway through the video, a spanner drops from the ceiling and lands on chris's desk. i sent chris a message on PSN asking what the spanner was supposed to represent, and his response was '''"Yeah! Hit that Assburger in the head with the spanner!"''', like that's what he believed the audience would be cheering for when they watched the video. so that's what that thing is. now you know. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 18:07, 12 April 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Autism Tutorial Part 4

2011-04-17T02:45:10Z

Farm Zombie: or not

Doing the transcription. [[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] 14:31, 13 February 2011 (CST)
* Done! [[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] 14:47, 13 February 2011 (CST)

Chris has a friend, thats a girl? I smell a new gal-pal. [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 14:11, 13 February 2011 (PST)
* My thoughts exactly. *evil grin* --[[User:Elliebytes|Elliebytes]] 09:37, 14 February 2011 (PST)

I just noticed: one of the sackpeople gets stuck behind a structure on the left side of the screen and runs in place for half the video. It starts around the two minute mark. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 19:42, 16 April 2011 (PDT)
Oh, wait. That might just be part of the fountain. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 19:45, 16 April 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Autism Tutorial Part 4

2011-04-17T02:42:31Z

Farm Zombie: sackperson

Talk:Main Page

2011-04-07T19:26:27Z

Farm Zombie: /* You are now aware */

{{protip|This talk page should serve as a place to discuss improving the overall front page of CWCki. For discussion on improvements to CWCki overall, please see the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]]. For discussing individual front page templates, please refer to the discussion pages of those templates.}}

'''Archives''': [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 1|1]] [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 2|2]]

==Happy Sonichu Day!==

Is Sonichu 11 or 23? Also, is it possible to make the Sonichu page the now article? --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 21:33, 16 March 2011 (PDT)

==PSN Tracker==
I have Chris on my friends list on the PSTriple.
How would I go about contributing to the PSN tracker? [[User:Dillon627|Dillon627]] 06:30, 28 January 2011 (PST)

==Protect the templates==
Seeing how the main page itself is protected, why not protect the templates as well? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:49, 11 September 2010 (PDT)
*There's already cascading protection for all the front page templates. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 11 September 2010 (PDT)
*Stop freaking out about this spammer shit, Champ has it under control --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)

== new vid ==

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAJvMKQeJA&feature=player_embedded

can't add news so there you go--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 13:38, 16 September 2010 (PDT)

==Can this be the new Quote of the Now, please?==

{{quote|I've learned... from my father; he taught and showed me which male ends go into which female ends.|Wallflower E-mails.}}

[[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 13:28, 25 September 2010 (PDT)
I'm for this too.
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 02:10, 21 October 2010 (EST)

==I suggest this for the Video of the Now==

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFHPbaNT04 [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 07:37, 28 September 2010 (PDT)

Since there's a white space in the Video of the Now (at least on my computer) why not feature this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqjN3amRD4
--[[User:Vofdoom38|VofDoom38]] 17:44, 21 October 2010 (PDT)

== Project Map Fucking Everything ==

Started up this project and got a lot of things mapped down.

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ptab=2&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=116038930500742252038.0004949e055d81dc61c0b

I'd like to get all of the places he mentions/visits/films/rapes marked down on the map, but there's a lot of videos and some of them I never wish to see again. So, it's open collaboration and anyone with a Google account can edit it. Feel free to login and mark down different areas he's visited. Just try to be logical and succinct when adding locations. Don't need every McDonald's marked down. When doing videos of him travelling, try to figure out the path with a line and mark at least one end of it.

Now, a question:
Should we make a page for the full map or just link it in the bottom of the "Locations" divs on the other pages?
-- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 13:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)

*Put it on the locations template. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 13:53, 9 November 2010 (PST)
**Done. Couldn't think of a better name than Chris's World. -- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 14:11, 9 November 2010 (PST)

== Sports ==

Is there any inclination that Chris is into any kind of sport or professional sports team? I asked this on the main page because I don't know where else to ask it.
*Sign your fucking posts god damn. Also, no. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 04:18, 14 November 2010 (PST)

== Slight Error ==
Chris hasn't gone 5 days without the internet, he logged into youtube 2 1/2 days after he posted the leaving video.
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 19:46, 26 November 2010 (EST)
:Probably should have discussed this before just removing the counter... [[User:Smtp|Smtp]] 17:02, 26 November 2010 (PST)
::It's a non-pedantic count. We're really focusing on how many days he's gone without making a video - which Chris equates to "being on the Internet". --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 21:30, 26 November 2010 (PST)
:::Yeah, why is the counter back? I don't know how to re-implement that sort of thing or I would. --[[User:Bluedeanie|Bluedeanie]] 16:18, 17 December 2010 (PST)

== Vandalism? ==
Some guy named [[User:Trueandhonest]] has been going around vandalizing pages lately, claiming to be Chris-chan himself. Most likely it's a troll, but I just wanted to point that out. [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 15:33, 30 November 2010 (PST)

== Does Christian Who Cares know this?==
I don't remember his surname. Does he know that the creator of Pokémon has [[aspergers]]? At least Wikipedia's article says so... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satoshi_Tajiri --[[User:Doctor Whatever|Doctor Whatever]] 16:21, 4 December 2010 (PST)
* It seems that you just answered your own question. As to whether or not Chris knows, I honestly don't think he even cares. He justifies things when it allows him to continue his current lifestyle. He'd probably just say "Well I guess there are some exceptions" and move on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 16:39, 4 December 2010 (PST)
** You're right, I should have figured that out. Theres an article about his hypocresy, but its not really necesary to read it; it takes about three seconds of reading this wiki to realize that he's the biggest of hypocrites...--[[User:Doctor Whatever|Doctor Whatever]] 17:46, 4 December 2010 (PST)

==CWCki is pretty dead==
Chris isn't coming back, at least not for a long time. Despite this, there are a shitton of new editors who drop by every other day and fuck up articles. The only reason I'm really still here is to fix up the edits of these new editors. I think we should start finding the good articles on the wiki and either lock them or put a template saying not to fuck with it a la ED. As articles get fixed up, they get locked down, at least until Chris comes back (if he ever does, anyway). I get that it might take some time or whatever, but it would help preserve the CWCki should Chris never come back or I die or something. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:11, 11 December 2010 (PST)
*Well it was just a matter of time until he would end up in a mental hospital. I always told him so, but whatever. I agree though, that there are probably many articles, that can be protected, especially all the videos, mails, phone calls, chatlogs and whatnot.--[[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 19:09, 12 December 2010 (PST)
::I'd push for the templating approach rather than protecting. Article protection should be used sparingly. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 05:00, 14 December 2010 (PST)
:::After seeing old articles being still corrected here and there, I tend to agree. Maybe this Chris-free time isn't so bad after all. Gives us time to look through all the old articles.--[[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 16:51, 14 December 2010 (PST)
::::You guys have gone from reporting the antics of a potential criminal to stalking a retard. Really it's pathetic. Do we need to know about uneventful sightings at the mall or his activity on PSN? That sounds like having less of a life than Chris does. Every lolcow eventually dies down and CWC is finished. This isn't like that point when everyone thought he was done for but came back, this is it.--[[User:Goatselover|Goatselover]] 18:05, 29 December 2010 (PST)
:::::Obviously you know something we don't. Go on, enlighten us. [[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 21:08, 29 December 2010 (PST)
:::::First, as Champ said pretty much RIGHT below this, this page is about improving the main page exclusively. Take it to Offshore CWCki. I think your targets are probably mostly there. As far as I'm aware, the people remaining here are dedicated to the wiki, rather than devoted to coming up with new ways to stalk Chris.
::::::It's not even about concerning ourselves with how next to foil Chris' Heart-Meter. This is about the chronicling
::::::and archiving of this entire man-child's existence for the benefit and hilarity of all future new-fags
::::::--[[User:Boosegumps|Boosegumps]] 03:40, 19 January 2011 (PST)

== Sightings ==

Okay, question, as a field agent who is seeming to have multiple run ins with Chris (was the guy who took the kroger pic and I commonly see him when he comes into my work) Where should I put my sightings so I am not cluttering up the other pages? [[User:CFA|CFA]]CFA
:1. Sign posts with 4 tildes (<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>) if you want to avoid typing all that shit every time.
:2. [[User:CFA/Whateverthefuck]] is usually the best place to put your stuff.
:On another note, I appreciate that CFA is the name of the guy who took that pic, but that doesn't necessarily prove that it's you. Expect people to be critical of that statement. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 01:20, 16 December 2010 (PST)

*I did sign with 4 and I posted it up on the offshore first. Secondly, I asked because there is no article on sightings. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 10:38, 16 December 2010 (PST)CFA
::Signing with 4 tildes yields a timestamp. Always. There was no timestamp. The point I was making was that yeah, the guy on offshore is called CFA. However, you just made your account here and there's nothing stopping someone other than offshore's CFA from taking the username. As a result of this, even if there were a "sightings" article, you still wouldn't be able to just dump new shit there because there's no confirmation that you are who you say you are. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 11:10, 16 December 2010 (PST)
*alright, then what would constituent proof for you guys? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 12:03, 16 December 2010 (PST)CFA
::I'd say photos ^^ [[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 16:01, 16 December 2010 (PST)
:*photos of what? My page on offshore or something else? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:56, 16 December 2010 (PST)CFA
::Gee, I don't know, maybe ''the picture you originally uploaded to Offshore CWCki''? --[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 22:39, 16 December 2010 (PST)
::I think the best picture to upload would be proof that you can log into CFA's account on Offshore. If you have any new pics, those work too, but I don't expect you to have to do too much work for this. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 11:07, 17 December 2010 (PST)
*[[Image:CFA offshore.png|300px]] [[User:CFA|CFA]] 12:41, 17 December 2010 (PST)CFA

:*In the future, posts like this go in the Community Portal and not here. This discussion page strictly involves improving the main page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:33, 19 December 2010 (PST)
*My apologies [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:54, 19 December 2010 (PST)CFA

== Is This Chris? ==

He apparently stalked the shit out of liquid Chris therefore leading him to know his whereabouts along with his real name. So, he decided to post a video about it for some "troll busting".

Here's his channel:
[http://www.youtube.com/user/CarlosChantor]

- 06:33 (CST) January 6,2011

I doubt it. I mean, do you see him putting together such a coherent video and hacking someone's facebook. The only Chris-like thing about it is that they got the wrong one of the twins pegged as Liquid.....

ARIGOLD17 WHO CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SIGN POSTS- 3:30 (EST) January 14, 2011

== ps3 tracker change ==

the ps3 tracker says jan.7.2010 when it should be jan.7.2011. just pointing that out. [[User:Carnival Vexillarius|Carnival Vexillarius]] 10:06, 8 January 2011 (PST)

== Shojo letters ==

[[File:Shoujobeatchrischanletter.jpg]]
[[File:Shoujobeatchrischanletterreply.jpg|Right]]
*Front page, y/n? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 15:18, 26 January 2011 (PST)CFA
<s>If it's legit I'd say front page material, I know Chris watches anime, but somehow I can't see him reading manga. I think he'd be too frustrated to figure out that you read it back to front. I think this might be a troll impersonating him</s> Never mind it says 23, so no one really knew about him, so it's probably legit.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 06:06, 1 March 2011 (PST)

== Potential Video of the Now? ==

Some pickle-related drama, brought to you by ''The Kids in the Hall''.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECAvZTcaQew

-- [[User:Elliecoral|Elliecoral]] 12:31 2 February 2011

*For future reference, this should go [[Template talk:Video of the now|here]]. The thing about the video is that Chris hasn't used the "pickle" euphemism, as far as I can tell, since 2008 or maybe early 2009. It's just a really out-of-date term. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:12, 2 February 2011 (PST)

== Not sure if it goes here but ==

*First, no pics (due to working at the time) but Chris came in with Rocky. But here is the thing, he was with a group of special needs folks around his age, seems Rocky has gotten him to socialize with other special needs folks, that or the strange girl he sat across from was friendly with him. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:30, 25 February 2011 (PST)CFA
:Get pics next time. No, really. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:32, 25 February 2011 (PST)
:Oh and also, this is the wrong place to do this. This is about improving the main page. Put it [[CWCki:General|here]] or something. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:38, 25 February 2011 (PST)
*Thanks and as for pics, it was out of the blue, did not expect to see him that day (he normally comes in on saturday between 3 and 4.)[[User:CFA|CFA]] 18:28, 27 February 2011 (PST)CFA

==Userboxes==
*Would anybody have a problem with organizing the userboxes, like Trollboxes category would contain Clyde's, Vivian's, Jack's ect. Description/identitiy boxes, like all the ones that say this user is a x, like the American, straight, hikikomori. Then like title boxes like admin, grammar nazi, ect. I could organize them, but it'd take me a while cause I'm busy during the week.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 13:11, 2 March 2011 (PST)

== da update should be first ==

ps3 tracker later, or maybe just merged. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 15:39, 2 March 2011 (PST)
:I spent a while messing around with it today trying to find a better way to organize it, but I couldn't figure out how to change whether something's on the right or left side of the page. I guess switching the two wouldn't be too difficult because they're in the same box. No complaints here. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 15:41, 2 March 2011 (PST)

Just rid of the ps3 tracker, it's not even no longer updated. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 04:41, 7 April 2011 (PDT)
:I found out how to do everything that I didn't understand, but [[User:Freecell/Main Page|what I did with it]] still looks bad. I agree that Da Update should go first (and the quote of the now shouldn't take up so much space and the News/Improvement Project should go higher), but I'm not sure it can be moved without making everything else look bad. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 04:48, 7 April 2011 (PDT)

==Seriously==
*What the fuck happened yesterday? What was with the creepy girl? Why was everything 404'd, though some of the 404 pages were funny.
: Seems like the server was just down. I'm not an admin so I don't really know. But the creepy girl has always been what you see when you specifically go to cogsdev.org or sonichu.com[[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 05:51, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
*I was just trying to check this site yesterday and I saw that ''thing'' instead. I can upload a pic of it, but... Was it supposed to be Little Red Riding Hood or some shit? [[User:KingClark|KingClark]] 09:26, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
:: I JUST tried and the weird Little Girls was there and then I re-loaded the page and it was fine... dunno. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 15:43, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
::: [http://www.sonichu.com/buletta.jpg picture] Based on the filename it's supposed to be [http://capcom.wikia.com/wiki/Baby_Bonnie_Hood Buletta/B.B.Hood] from Darkstalkers. --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 16:27, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
:::: Y<s>eah any time I've tried to follow my bookmark link that is set up to cogsdev.org, which has ''always'' worked, mind you, it now takes me to the BB Hood image after trying to redirect to sonichu.com. In order to actually get to the site I have to google CWCKI and find a random page and then backtrack to the main page. Am I doing something horribly wrong somehow?</s> As of my having written this, it'a back to normal now. Weird. Disregard me I am a buffoon.--[[User:Bluedeanie|Bluedeanie]] 10:14, 18 March 2011 (PDT)

==Ha!==
Nice touch for April Fool's [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 07:50, 1 April 2011 (PDT)

[[Random-access humor|IT'S RAINING CHRIS! HALLELUJAH!]] Also, if I may ask, what's the code for this? [[User:KingClark|KingClark]] 10:29, 1 April 2011 (PDT)
*note to self, listening to shpongle and watching the spinning heads here is seriously a bad idea! [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:43, 1 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
*When are we gonna get these removed now? They were charming on April 1st but it's two days later now and they're getting kinda intrusive. [[User:Airrider1|Airrider1]] 15:35 EST
** I use [https://chrome.google.com/extensions/detail/cfhdojbkjhnklbpkdaibdccddilifddb?hl=en adblock plus]. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:39, 3 April 2011 (PDT)
*** [https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/adblock-plus/ And for Firefox...] --[[User:Jewlay|Jewlay]] 12:57, 5 April 2011 (PDT)

== You are now aware ==

[[image:Youarenowaware.jpg|800px]]

:It could almost imply that they somehow know one another! I'm more interested in the book to the left of it. Also, sign your posts. Also, this page is about improving the main page, as you've been told before. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 04:54, 7 April 2011 (PDT)

Well, I thought it was pretty surprising. All this time, that creepy little face was staring at me and I didn't even know it. The medallion and stare really make it a winner. Maybe bring it up in the Barbara page discussion. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 12:26, 7 April 2011 (PDT)

Talk:UltimateNightmare

2011-04-06T00:36:01Z

Farm Zombie: /* Weird */ forgot to sign!

The response to the idea on the community portal was pretty good, so why not.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 00:23, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

== A thought regarding the sound. ==

According to [http://flipnote.hatena.com/5348F770A0A92AE8@DSi/movie/A92AE8_09D6047619382_000?in=user this] the image was uploaded at 5:29p.m. According to the [http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Friday After Five] website, the music starts at 5:30p.m. Perhaps Chris intended to make auditory beeping noises with his mouth into the microphone but due to the sounds from the crowd/testing sound equipment/whatever else, it came out as this God awful sound. Thoughts?

== Weird ==

Kinda reminds me of [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/suicidemouse-avi Suicidemouse]. Probably a coincidence.
[[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:36, 5 April 2011 (PDT)

Talk:UltimateNightmare

2011-04-06T00:34:15Z

Farm Zombie: /* Weird */ new section

Chris and the Internet

2011-04-04T15:50:51Z

Farm Zombie: /* Attempts to leave the Internet */ small redundancy

[[File:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|240px|right|The proper response to a [[virgin with rage]] on the Internet.]]

The '''Internet''' is a specialized computer program that allows the transmission of data over long distances through a massive collection of networks connected all over the world. The Internet has grown immensely since its first real conception in the [[1980s]] as a means for [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|universities]] to communicate with each other; it is said that nearly 2,000,000,000 people are connected to the Internet today.

One of those is [[Christian Weston Chandler|a fat, whiny, bigoted, misogynistic, egotistical manchild]], the Internet's [[Basement Rosechus|battered girlfriend]] who always comes back for more.

==Understanding==
Chris seems to be aware that the Internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his [[Autism|general inability to understand others]], Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone ''will'' see it; and if you direct a message to someone, ''only'' they will see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people, from [[Congrats, Jack Black|celebrities]] to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|potential employers]] to [[Ivy|Internet girlfriends]]. Most telling is [[100 2178|his 8 May 2010 rant]], which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990s.

Chris sees no problem in dropping [[Honest Content|highly sensitive information]] over his videos — including his phone number, [[14 Branchland Court|street address]], and the secret name of [[The Wallflower|the girl]] he desperately wanted to be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He doesn't understand that [[YouTube]] is a public website and not an instant messaging service, never paying attention to the deluge of comments he gets from horrified onlookers that definitively prove his [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"private"]] messages are anything but.

Chris has been on the Internet for some time, yet does not understand how to act online any more than he does in real life. While many users of the Internet contribute content, are polite and helpful, and generally [[Chris and the Law|follow any established rules]], Chris sees all websites as vehicles to spew his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|self]]-[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|serving]] [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|version]] of [[Honest content|the truth]]. Even worse, when given his own website, he audaciously claims that [[CWC_Blog#January_2010|it is he who has control over the site]], not [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]] who does the work of setting it up, or the [[Jack Thaddeus|advertisers]] who pay for it.

==Forums and bans==
[[File:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|240px|left|Some people see [[duck|dicks]] everywhere on the Internet. Chris tends to see these instead.]]
As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading, simple egotism or both. When he does, he always signs his message — be it a comment on YouTube, a rant on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim boards]], or a complaint about something in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.<ref>http://forums.littlebigworkshop.com/t5/PS3-Workshop/Complaints-on-the-Sonic-the-Hedgehog-and-Werehog-Costumes/m-p/239893;jsessionid=C15F46579256D040386028A0EAB09412</ref> He never follows up on these posts either, nor does he read the comments left by other users, just like on YouTube. Any retractions or responses are saved for completely unrelated posts elsewhere on the Internet.

Common sense would suggest that Chris would fare well in the Internet forums, which are havens for socially retarded, thirty-something man-children who still live with [[Barbara Chandler|Mommy]] and [[Bob Chandler|Daddy]]. However, Chris has managed to fail here too. By appearing in the web as his usual nicknames or full names, and plastering ''Sonichu'' crap all over, he draws the attention of his trolls, and reacts predictably when they follow him. More importantly, if the trolls somehow fail to notice his new hangouts, he's quick to make enemies completely of his own accord, due to his [[ego]], selfishness, and complete disregard of rules.

Thanks to his screwed up conversation filter, Chris has done stupid stuff and has had stuff taken down or been banned from places. However, due to his relative inactivity concerning Internet forums, he's banned from fewer places online than expected. He was banned from [[deviantART]] in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #9 without an [[Honest content|NSFW]] tag, though he doesn't understand why — comments left on his CWCipedia talk page suggest that he is under the impression that his dA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason. He was also banned earlier for the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #8. Despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been [[The July 10th Messages|banned once]] from [[YouTube]]; however, unlike dA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down or abandoned. He has also had posts moderated at [[GameFAQs]] when he attempted to solicit money for special characters in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''. When his "article" on [[Wikipedia]] deleted and his talk page there got trolled, his account was indefinitely blocked, although the blocking admin mistakenly thought that he was a sockpuppet of a troll and not the genuine article.

His most grievous ban to date involves [[Flipnote Hatena]]. Between 29 June and 2 July, Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|the same Flipnote]] removed from the site ''four times'' because of its sexual nature, with Chris thinking it was being removed by trolls instead of realizing the fact that a [[Nintendo]]-owned website wouldn't ''like'' that sort of thing being put on their site. Because of this and other Flipnotes he had uploaded and reuploaded, the mods briefly blocked Chris's DSi from uploading any further Flipnotes. When his ban expired, Chris resurfaced on the website and reuploaded all the Flipnotes that got him banned in the first place. (The entire situation wasn't helped by try-hard trolls flagging his animations in a desperate attempt to have an impact.)

One notices a pattern in all of this — Chris has a tendency to not read a website's terms of service or gain an understanding of websites he uses. When protesting his ban from Wikipedia for violating one of their numerous rules, he argued that he didn't have the time to read the pages upon pages of fine print that stipulated what constituted acceptable behavior. When faced with a similar conflict on Flipnote, he failed to get the hint that something in all of those videos was violating the terms of service, uploading a video anyone could tell was inappropriate for the PG-13 website no less than ''four times'' before his DSi was blocked from the service.

== Attempts to leave the Internet ==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|240px|right|This is what Chris means when he says he going to "[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|go outside and enjoy life.]]"]]
As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." However, in Chris's case, he takes this and butchers it — when [[trolls]] descend on him and [[Stress|torture]] him, he gets up and leaves. He's like a child who packs up all of his toys and goes home when things don't go his way. For many trolls, this would be a great victory — threatening to quit the Internet forever is such a common reaction to trolling it has its own [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Flounce article].

Of course, his PS3 is still hooked up to the internet (where he plays videogames, reads game forums and logs into YouTube), so he never really leaves for good, he merely changes his outlet. When Chris talks about quitting the internet, he means ceasing video and comic production, and no longer tangling with trolls.

His [[Youtube Finale|first attempt]] to abandon the Internet was in the aftermath of the [[Julie]] incident; tired of [[Clyde Cash]]'s trolling, Chris proclaimed that he was leaving the Internet. Instead of doing that, he disappeared for all of two weeks before creating a new account on YouTube. His [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|second]], [[100 2188|third]], and [[100 2189|fourth attempts]] all seemed to have been directed by an [[Rocky Shoemaker|outside force]]. Of course, Chris being Chris, he never made good on his word to stay off.

After he made his second announcement of leaving the Internet, he made a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|rant about ''The Cleveland Show'']] a mere ''36 hours later''. He also made his fourth announcement of leaving the Internet just ''four days'' after making his third announcement, saying that the [[Kick the Autistic|trolls have scared him from the Internet, that he is literally afraid of the Internet.]] Chris being Chris, he returned just [[June062010.MOV|one week]] after this grand proclamation. After talking about how he almost committed vehicular homicide, he makes his ''fifth'' announcement that he is leaving the Internet.

Nearly two weeks after his ''fifth'' abandonment of the Internet, he was spotted at [[Fridays After Five]] playing [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote Studio]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi. He soon discovered the pictures and videos of him on the Internet and broke his exile to post his response to it all on Flipnote Hatena the next day, saying that he wishes trolls would stop spreading his bad reputation around. This shows not only that Chris is still looking out for his Internet reputation, but that he also assumes that by telling trolls "I'm leaving the Internet forever," he expects them to stop talking about him.

This would've been easy for the trolls to do, if Chris had just [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|stopped]] [[The MovingForward videos|making]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|videos]] — especially ones [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|addressing them]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|specifically]] ([[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_captured_on_video|not seeking out trolls offline couldn't hurt, either]]).

Chris [[100_2357.MOV|finally left the internet]] "for good" on 22 [[November 2010]]. While Chris has managed to refrain from making something that would attract the attention of the trolls for an unsurpassed period of time, he has not been completely able to repress his urge to spread his ego over the tubes, and thanks to his [[PS3]] with web connection and keyboard controller, he still makes the [[CWC's Collector's Case Tutorial|occasional]] [[Autism Tutorial|effort]] to make the world realize his greatness. As he has not had access to a working computer since the end of the Jackie saga, he is unlikely to have read the emails he has received.

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{The Internet}}

Kacey Call 12

2011-03-31T03:54:17Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */

A brief overview of the call.

File Name: 999kc.mp3

*First yoga class for [[Chris]].
*[[Kacey]] trying to sound smart about medical stuff, Chris doesn't care.
*Chris trying to tell [[trolls]] that call him that Kacey is his girlfriend, Kacey said "we're just friends".
*Unwilling to get a new cell phone number because he would have to update the number on [[PSN]] but it's too much effort.
*Chris talks about Burger King food, says that oatmeal is veggies.
*Chris says that he needs to move out of his house and get a job before he learns to cook for himself.
*Kim told him to go to yoga class.
*Chris trying to talk about how sitting in different positions makes it impossible to breathe. He and Kacey argue about it.
*Walking around [[mall]] = exercise.
*Gamestop employee recognized Chris and took a picture with him
*Chris gave blood. This means that someone has part of Chris inside of them. THIS MEANS SOMEONE HAS CHRIS INSIDE OF THEM.
*Chris trying to explain what giving plasma is to Kacey despite the fact that she keeps saying over and over that she knows what it is.
*Chris sent out [[Sonichu 0]] to Marvel, Dark Horse, and Archie.
*Kacey: "You know how you said I weighed a lot? how much do you think Kim weighs?" Chris: "175-150, somewhere between there." Kacey: "How much do you weigh?" Chris: "last time I checked 215-220."
*Chris actually seems interested in blood types.
*Chris says that his mind goes blank because he is too creative for his thoughts. He refers to himself as a "creative genius".
*Chris says that the way the brain works is the same as computers: random access memory.
*Chris is writing a 500 word essay about [[autism]] for Kacey. He tries to emphasize how great he is for doing this.

==Transcript==

[call begins] 
'''Chris:''' Hello? 
'''Kacey:''' Hey! It’s Kacey, what’s up? 
'''Chris:''' Hey Kacey I was waiting for you 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah? (Laughs) You know, work just keeps trying to make me stay late so, um- 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' What’s up? 
'''Chris:''' Oh, you know, this and that. I went to my first yoga class today that was good. I feel like- 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, that’s exciting! 
'''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry what? 
'''Kacey:''' I said that’s exciting 
'''Chris:''' Oh, OK yeah it was, and it was very good. It was also, you know, classes uh, weekly apparently, so I’ll definitely be going to future ones including the one next week. 
'''Kacey:''' That’s cool, well I mean, you know you must be happy because of all the endorphins that are running through your body because that happens after exercise. I mean, do you feel more relaxed, because you sound kind of stressed right now. 
'''Chris:''' Aw yeah well, little bit, um (sigh). I was expecting, I was expecting you to call and then like, you know, you know, you come in as unavailable or restricted you know. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh 
'''Chris:''' There’s been this, this troll, I think this troll is just trying to call me back, you know I’m hearing the beeping like and go figure the damn troll turned out to have been an email troll. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh 
'''Chris:''' I was like I told her, “quit calling me here I’m expecting a call from my girlfriend!” 
'''Kacey:''' WHAT? 
'''Chris:''' I’m sorry, I mean- I mean, it was just a troll. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, you said it as an excuse. Right, right. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway- 
'''Kacey:''' Because I know you don’t think that of me right now because we’re friends. But- 
'''Chris:''' I mean you are a girl and you are my friend 
'''Kacey:''' Right, right 
'''Chris:''' So you are my girl friend. 
'''Kacey:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' I understand that. Yeah, okay, so anyway then the girl had the nerve to call me back and she said, “Your girlfriends a blow-up doll.” That’s how then I learned that it was a woman- female troll. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh gosh, did her number come through? 
'''Chris:''' No she was a restricted number. 
'''Kacey:''' Ugh… Well maybe you should get a new phone number, you know, and not give it out to the trolls. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but unfortunately I got this phone number linked up on my resume, and it’s in my Playstation Network account, and a whole lot- 
'''Kacey:''' Well you know you can change all those things, but I understand, I mean yeah that is difficult. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, and my father would tell you the same thing as well you know. He would change the home phone number, but so many things that’s linked to. A lot more than mine, I tell you what. [Sound of door opening] Anyway, aside from that. I here and my father went out within the Burger King at lunch and I didn’t get my walk in at the, around the neighborhood like I would have wanted to beforehand because of that. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' I had a side salad, you know usually I go there cause this Burger King gives two Whoppers for three dollars, um I- 
'''Kacey:''' Well when did you wake up? 
'''Chris:''' Probably I got up around 11:30 this morning 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah I guess that’s a little early for you, because normally you wake up around noon (laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, [inaudible] but I expected my father to, like you know, he would want to go out to Burger so I had a bowl of oatmeal- 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh 
'''Chris:''' -and then, you know, that got me filled so all I really needed was the side salad, so I spent a dollar on that 
'''Kacey:''' Well oatmeal is supposed to be very filling so I’m surprised you needed a salad after that. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah maybe, this was like an hour or two after I had the oatmeal. 
'''Kacey:''' Wow, I don’t get hungry till, like, much later but- (laughs) 
'''Chris:''' It was just something to munch on anyway. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' You know vegetables are always good for you anyway. Anyway, aside from that I- After we got back home I had to leave right away because, you know…[stuttering] yesterday I went up to Harris Teeter because my mom needed some more water that was on- you know bottles of waters on sale for a dollar or two less than the Food Lion. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' Actually while I was there I looked up your Febreeze, because you know, when we were talking I wasn’t sure if you were talking about air freshener or fabric softener. I realized that Febreeze does make fabric refresher and I realized that’s what you were talking about. 
'''Kacey:''' Right 
'''Chris:''' So I went over to Target and found that it was on a temporary fifty cent price cut there. So I bought me a bottle of the lavender scented. But then my mom was telling me, “Oh yeah there’s like a bottle of Febreeze, there’s like a thing of Febreeze in the car”- I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, It thought she was talking about the air freshener. I mean I thought she was talking about the air freshener 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh 
'''Chris:''' But then I come home with the lavender scented Febreeze fabric refresher but it turns out that was a bottle of fabric refresher too except it was the allergen reducer. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh okay 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' I don’t really like the way that one smells, so- 
'''Chris:''' The allergen reducer 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, It just doesn’t have- It smells clean but I don’t like it 
'''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, I sampled- smelled the two anyway and uh, I kinda liked the allergen reducer a little better, so I’ll finish that up and I’ll get the lavender scented one, but I needed a few more dollars in my wallet anyway so I ended up returning the lavender scented one. 
'''Kacey:''' Wait, you returned something you already used? 
'''Chris:''' No I didn’t use it, all I had to do was just unscrew the top and smell it 
'''Kacey:''' Hmm… still you opened it and that makes it, that’s just not safe. Either way 
'''Chris:''' Anyway they still took it back and I got my four-something back. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' So I’ll finish up the allergen reducer and then like, you know, I’ll spend the five bucks and get the lavender again. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' Which reminds me, yeah, I need to let you know about my current finances, I just haven’t been able to lately because I was busy. Anyway, yeah, went to Target, returned the Febreeze, and then also I ordered something from Goodwill that came with a free gift which is like a three set- set of three kitchen tongs. Couldn’t reuse [inaudible] at the time so I donated them to Goodwill and then I went to Greenbrier Drive from Kim to find the dance studio where the pole dancing class was. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' But I was being held up, and I couldn’t find it. Then you know, I just talked to Kim she told me it’s around Greenbrier Drive. I was like, oh well, I’ll Google it later anyway. I’ll find out for sure where it is. What street address at- 
'''Kacey:''' So why did you buy kitchen tongs are you going to start cooking? 
'''Chris:''' No I did not buy these. These were a free gift. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh 
'''Chris:''' It was like a free supplies 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' So I didn’t expect- 
'''Kacey:''' Maybe you should start cooking. 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah. I can and I will, you know, start cooking for myself more often. But you know, one day at a time. I’d like to feel more independent, you know. Get myself a job and maybe move out of the house or whatever, mmm, moving on to what happened today. After I went searching for the dance studio on Greenbrier Drive, then I just moved ahead to the Western [inaudible] building and attended the yoga class. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' I met a new girl- I met a new female friend. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh cool! 
'''Chris:''' We talked a little bit but it’s not like we exchanged phone numbers or email addresses. Her name is Lauren, she’s a UVA student. She’s majoring in, well she’s not sure yet, but she’s taking politics. 
'''Kacey:''' Politics? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' I guess she’s going to be a political science major. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah probably, yeah, I think she said so, yeah she said political science. Yeah there you go you just took the words out of her mouth (laughs) 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, (laughs) political science majors! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but anyway, apparently she attended church the past couple of Sundays as well. So it was like, you know, first time we met so I said, you know, I’ll see you next Sunday in church- there we are. And then, you know, maybe I can get, maybe we’ll share email addresses then. 
'''Kacey:''' You should, I’m surprised you didn’t already. Especially if you think she’s a friend. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean, like, you know, we just met. 
'''Kacey:''' Still I’ve exchanged email addresses right away 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well, Okay, yeah I’ll see about that next time I see her. Either on Sunday or next Wednesday. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay, well hopefully you do see her. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, I learned a lot about the yoga poses. Actually I heard a new meaning, I mean, I’ve heard the expression “open your heart” before, like from the Sonic Adventure. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' But the way the yoga teacher it was like lift up your chest. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' So you know, I have a better understanding of what they mean by open your heart, it’s like keep your chest held high. 
'''Kacey:''' Um, It’s actually supposed to be a metaphor and it’s got a lot of interpretations. Like opening your heart means opening up to someone or being respectful it can be interpreted dozens of ways. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but in terms of the yoga, opening up the heart means lifting your chest and opening it up for the air you’re breathing in 
'''Kacey:''' Well, that doesn’t make sense because your heart doesn’t do your air 
'''Chris:''' Let me put it another way. You’re slouched over and you’re breathing it’s more difficult for the air to get to your lungs and your heart when you’re slouched over. But when you’re straight up in posture then it’s easier for the air to get to your lungs and your heart. 
'''Kacey:''' Um no… What? 
'''Chris:''' Come on, you’re the nurse major you should know that! 
'''Kacey:''' Chris that’s not even remotely true! Just because you’re slouched over doesn’t mean that you can’t get air. 
'''Chris:''' I did not say CAN’T get air, I just said that- 
'''Kacey:'''' It doesn’t make it difficult either because your body’s circulatory system takes care of that whether you’re slouched over or not. 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, okay while I didn’t- surely you’ve personally, you’re slouched over and your breath but you found that you had to breathe in more because it was like- a longer trip for the air. I’ve felt that 
'''Kacey:''' Chris it’s the same distance no matter what position you’re in, your body doesn’t (exasperated sigh) 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, Okay well, I don’t know, I just learned a little bit more about the expression open your heart. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, So let’s just leave it at that. 
'''Kacey:''' Right. 
'''Chris:''' Okay. So anyway, I really enjoyed the yoga, but since I’ve been not doing my walking and running like I wanted to I did an hour around the Fashion Square Mall before I went home 
'''Kacey:''' That’s good, just remember you’ve got to get your heart rate up, walking doesn’t help all that much. 
'''Chris:''' I think I did a little power walking in there, so yeah. I’ll get there- I mean, I’ll jog more around the neighborhood at my own pace, you know? 
''''Kacey:''' But if you don’t get your heart rate up to a certain level, you’re not going to lose anything. You really should Google this. You have to push yourself. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I… yeah. Details I have yet to comprehend about that. Anyway also while I was over at the mall I stopped over at the Gamestop to browse around a little bit, and the black cash- the black guy who was working as a cashier there, you know, working at the Gamestop [sound break] square. Yeah, he recognized me. And he’s also friends with a fellow employee, with the guy who works there named Angel. I met him, and he recognized me that Sunday when I gave blood and participated in that Guitar Hero con- Guitar Hero Tournament. He wanted a picture of me and him together, you know, his fellow employee at the time took the picture. It’s a souvenir for him to gloat about, I made his day. The black guy was talking me, yeah, he and Angel were like, “We’re waiting for you to come out with the official Sonichu merchandise, like especially the official Sonichu doll. We’ve seen all this stuff on the internet but we know it’s not official because you say so, and you didn’t official sign off on it or all that.” So you know- 
'''Kacey:''' Well, did you actually give blood? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, that Saturday, yeah. 
'''Kacey:''' So somebody is going to have- your blood is going to save somebody’s life. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but also I double redded. Do you know about that double redding in donating blood? 
'''Kacey:''' You double what? 
'''Chris:''' Double red…Red R-E-D. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' Okay well I’ll explain it to you, you can probably Google it and find out more. In addition to them taking a pint, taking some of your blood whole, they take a chunk of your blood to. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, you mean giving plasma 
'''Chris:''' Yeah they took a whole thing of plasma but after that, they have this little machine where they separate the red cells from the plasma and then they give you [sound break] -plasma. Like I said you could Google, and learn more to better understand. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh no, I just know it as giving plasma, that’s fine. 
'''Chris:''' You know, mm’kay. Anyway that’s double red. Two words, you can Google it. It’s a thing that I started probably before that weekend. It’s like, new. 
'''Kacey:''' Well, I’m proud of you for giving blood that’s very noble and stuff, you know? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve donated blood before and that’s how I learned I’m an A negative blood type. 
'''Kacey:''' Yes, A negative 
'''Chris:''' Yeah anyway getting back on today, after talking to that guy, you know, I came home. And after I came home I finally printed out the three copies of the Number Zero Book and three copies of my resume. I’m gonna send them out to Marvel, Archie and Dark Horse Comics. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' And also I’m going to [inaudible] creating all the audiobook videos for Youtube. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay, just remember get those done soon and the pictures. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ll [inaudible] more on the sexy drawings, I’ve already got the three girls on drawing reference so from that point all I have to do- on I can do, yeah, sex drawings. Yeah, and then before I upload those drawings I have to make one or two Youtube videos of me playing of me playing Guitar Hero 5 with my female band. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh are you going to upload those to the CWCipedia because you should. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm yeah, Kim encouraged me to do that in a private area, you know. And the sex drawings I’m probably going to put those like in the- You know I have a section of the Fan Art that guidelines what not to submit for consideration in the Fan Art section? 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' I could put the sex drawings there. 
'''Kacey:''' Cool 
'''Chris:''' I put a warning on there, where it’s like you have to be 18 or older to view these. And plus, they’re like drawings, like art pieces I got from the ED Page. 
''''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, where was I… Yeah I’ll work more on the drawings tonight, and I’ll get all the audiobooks done tomorrow. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay, well I have a question that’s just going through my mind. Because you told me how much you think I weighed. How much do you think Kim weighs? I just want to see what you think. 
'''Chris:''' How much Kim weighs? I’m not sure, I’d say 175, 150 somewhere between there? 
'''Kacey:''' What did you say again, I’m sorry? 
'''Chris:''' I’d say about 150 to 175 is my guess. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. So I can’t remember how much you say you weigh. Did you weigh yourself recently? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, last time I checked, when I was going in for my quad-check up with my doctor, they had to put me on a scale, just to see how much I weighed and do my blood pressure. But yeah- I’m about, somewhere between 215 and 220. 
'''Kacey:''' Well have you done it recently within the past couple of weeks? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah we don’t have a scale here at home so it’s kind of hard for me to do that. 
'''Kacey:''' Maybe you should go get one, who knows? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' They probably have one at yoga class 
'''Chris:''' Funny, I did not really see a scale at yoga class or one in the closet where the [inaudible] were, so I don’t know. Mmm. So I just told you my blood type, do you know what your blood type is? 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah it’s A positive. 
'''Chris:''' Wow, we’re so close, we’re both A’s 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, A is a pretty popular bloodtype 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s not, I mean it’s not- wait a minute. Are the A’s common or uncommon? 
'''Kacey:''' A is pretty common. AB and O are fairly uncommon. It’s A, then B, then O and then AB. 
'''Chris:''' So it’s A, then B, then O, then AB 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' SO between A positive and A negative is there just an A? 
'''Kacey:''' No it’s A negative and A positive, it has to do with the antigens 
'''Chris:''' The antigens? 
'''Kacey:''' Yes 
'''Chris:''' Okay that’s a new word to me. 
'''Kacey:''' Well you should probably look it up, it’s all in blood type. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah okay. Antigens. Is that like, I’m gonna spell it how it sounds, is that spelled A-N-T-O-G-E-N 
'''Kacey:''' What? It’s A-N-T-I-G-E-N 
'''Chris:''' Oh, A-N, oh Antigen, antigen, ok. So A is for Antigen, what’s B and O? 
'''Kacey:''' What? No everything has antigens except for type O 
'''Chris:''' Okay so type B has antigen in it as well 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah they have the B an- you just have to look it up 
'''Chris:''' Yeah okay, it’s very interesting 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, blood is very interesting 
'''Chris:''' Let me ask you, why is it a bad idea to mix blood types, like if you put B or O in an A positive or A negative person. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay O is the universal donor, so they can give to anyone because they don’t have antigens. AB can receive anyone because they have both A and B antigens. If you take the wrong antigen and put it in someone’s blood stream, they will die because their body will attack itself. So if you put A antigens in a B bloodtype, they’re going to kill each other and then you die. 
'''Chris:''' Oh, okay so AB and O are neutral. 
'''Kacey:''' No, O is neutral it has no antigens, it is the universal donor so anyone can take O blood. AB is the universal receiver so they can take anyone’s blood because they have all the antigens 
'''Chris:''' OK so AB is the universal receiver, Okay 
'''Kacey:''' Yes 
'''Chris:''' Wow, A and B it’s like those are opposite types, huh. 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah people with O, even though they can give to anyone they can only have O blood, but AB can take anyone’s blood. 
'''Chris:''' Which is more rare, AB or O 
'''Kacey:''' AB usually, because it’s got both the of them, but it’s by a small margin. 
'''Chris:''' Huh, I see. Is blood type- I’m sure blood types are genetic aren’t they? 
'''Kacey:''' Of course almost everything is genetic. Actually blood type is very important in cultures, not so much of ours, but in other cultures they use blood type to determine personalities and for match-making, it’s kind of outdated but they still do that. 
Chris: Yeah I think we talked about that in a previous conversation about personality traits in comparison to blood types, and then, yeah, I can Google that as well. 
'''Kacey:''' Right 
'''Chris:''' Yeah we talked about that before. 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah (laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Hmmm, well okay, let me ask you though, A positive and A negative would you say those are opposing, opposite of each other. If you put A negative in the A plus- A positive and they die? 
'''Kacey:''' What? 
'''Chris:''' If you put A negative blood in an A positive person will the A positive person- 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah you can’t mix that, you don’t want to. 
Chris: Oh, okay. I get it, cool. 
Kacey: Well, anything else on your mind? 
Chris: Let me think. Oh yeah, I asked my mom earlier today why she thinks that I often blank out or I’m often confused. 
Kacey: Uh huh 
Chris: She theorizes it’s because I’m a creative genius. You know, I’m a very creative guy, and I have so many creative thoughts coming in and out and they differ from what’s currently in my mind and- 
Kacey: Well I’m really creative and I don’t blank out. I’m serious when I say there’s a serious, serious thing that could be wrong with you. You blanking out like that, It could be you’re not getting adequate nutrition, it could mean you’re dehydrated. It could mean you could have something wrong seriously like a tumor or something. 
Chris: Mmm, I don’t know it’s a theory my mom had, but anyway point was, so many creative thoughts pretty much derails my train of thought and puts me in a blank state or confusion. That’s just from my mom’s point of view and how she understands it, something like that. 
Kacey: I don’t know. That just doesn’t make sense to me. 
Chris: Okay, say you want to remember something from like, yeah from like ten conversations ago, but then you try to remember, but it’s like it’s hard for you to remember because of all your incoming creative ideas at the time, or- 
Kacey: The brain doesn’t work that way. 
Chris: Come on, memory in the brain is like random access memory just like in any computer, it’s random. 
Kacey: No it’s not. No, no, no, no 
Chris: Did you voice just get deep there? 
Kacey: Sorry I covered my mouth with my hands 
Chris: Well it could be just- 
Kacey: It was just my voice echoing through my hands, that’s all it was. 
Chris: Okay 
Kacey: I mean yes, there have been comparisons to the brain being like a computer, but it’s not like that. It’s not like a switchboard where things can get plugged up or anything. There are so many places in your brain that have to do with memory, I just don’t even know how to explain this. 
Chris: Okay, well you’re probably right, it could be the nutrition thing, but I’m drinking water more, nowadays and I’m getting on track [inaudible] vegetation and having a more healthy lifestyle and my daily exercise regimen so I’ll probably get better on that. 
Kacey: You should actually talk to your doctor about it, because if you are suffering from poor nutrition they can give you tests. You really should look into that. 
Chris: Okay, well I’ll be sure to- 
Kacey: Maybe you have an iron deficiency, you should totally ask. 
Chris: Yeah well before my check-up I usually go in a little earlier and give a little blood for blood work so they would know at that point. SO they would know at that point. So I’ll be sure to talk to my doctor about that. 
Kacey: Okay that’s good. 
Chris: Alright 
Kacey: Okay, well anything else? 
Chris: Yeah, the current money I spent on so far this month I will definitely know about that, I promise, I’ll send you a message. 
Kacey: Okay cool, thanks 
Chris: I do want to tell you that, but I’m not [inaudible] bank account number or anything like that (laughs) 
Kacey: Okay (laughs) 
Chris: Yeah but anyway, Oh shoot I had another thought in my head… [mumbles] What I spent on so far this month, shoot I lost the other thought… hmmm, oh well. Hmm, what else is on your mind? 
Kacey: Just, you know, all my tests and all my projects and stuff. I really don’t have anything else. 
Chris: Learn anything new today? 
Kacey: We just went over some of the projects, we didn’t go over anything I didn’t already know, so I’m good. We’re still in review. 
Chris: Your project’s like, essays. 
Kacey: No I have a five page paper that’s for Anthropology, and I have to get people to take these surveys and then I have to cross reference everything by state, region, nationwide and worldwide. So it’s going to be a really easy paper, it’s just the research that’s going to get me. 
Chris: Hmmm, survey huh? You know, I can probably take that if you email me the questions on your survey. 
Kacey: Okay, I totally can. 
Chris: I’d be happy to help you with that. 
Kacey: Okay, I will totally do that. 
Chris: Just type in the email or type it in a Microsoft Word file and I will download it and open it up on my Microsoft Word. 
Kacey: Okay 
Chris: And then I’ll put the answers on the Word file and add my name to it, or I can put it in an email reply, the answers. 
Kacey: Okay, that’d be cool. 
Chris: Oh, I just remembered the other thought. I thought about more, about the five hundred word minimum essay I was gonna do for you about Autism, I thought about what I could do for that. 
Kacey: Mmhmm 
Chris: I thought about just refreshing myself on the characteristics of a person with Autism, you know like on Autism.org that’s a good place to go, or look it up on Wikipedia. And comparing it to my actual, real life experiences, you know, how I have exhibited some of those characteristics, and also, you know how I got better from that later on in life. 
Kacey: Okay 
Chris: Yeah, I’m just thinking, like you know, I’m thinking good for you there. Because I like to help out. 
Kacey: Aw, thank you. 
Chris: Okay 
Kacey: Well, I’ve got to go to bed, because I’ve got class in the morning, so let me go ahead and let you go and I will talk to you tomorrow. 
Chris: Alright sweet dreams 
Kacey: Okay, alright bye 
Chris: Alright, Bye-bye. 
[call ends]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?2i238caqrp6h00o mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 13]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 12

2011-03-31T03:51:55Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ bold

A brief overview of the call.

File Name: 999kc.mp3

*First yoga class for [[Chris]].
*[[Kacey]] trying to sound smart about medical stuff, Chris doesn't care.
*Chris trying to tell [[trolls]] that call him that Kacey is his girlfriend, Kacey said "we're just friends".
*Unwilling to get a new cell phone number because he would have to update the number on [[PSN]] but it's too much effort.
*Chris talks about Burger King food, says that oatmeal is veggies.
*Chris says that he needs to move out of his house and get a job before he learns to cook for himself.
*Kim told him to go to yoga class.
*Chris trying to talk about how sitting in different positions makes it impossible to breathe. He and Kacey argue about it.
*Walking around [[mall]] = exercise.
*Gamestop employee recognized Chris and took a picture with him
*Chris gave blood. This means that someone has part of Chris inside of them. THIS MEANS SOMEONE HAS CHRIS INSIDE OF THEM.
*Chris trying to explain what giving plasma is to Kacey despite the fact that she keeps saying over and over that she knows what it is.
*Chris sent out [[Sonichu 0]] to Marvel, Dark Horse, and Archie.
*Kacey: "You know how you said I weighed a lot? how much do you think Kim weighs?" Chris: "175-150, somewhere between there." Kacey: "How much do you weigh?" Chris: "last time I checked 215-220."
*Chris actually seems interested in blood types.
*Chris says that his mind goes blank because he is too creative for his thoughts. He refers to himself as a "creative genius".
*Chris says that the way the brain works is the same as computers: random access memory.
*Chris is writing a 500 word essay about [[autism]] for Kacey. He tries to emphasize how great he is for doing this.

==Transcript==

[call begins] 
'''Chris:''' Hello? 
'''Kacey:''' Hey! It’s Kacey, what’s up? 
'''Chris:''' Hey Kacey I was waiting for you 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah? (Laughs) You know, work just keeps trying to make me stay late so, um- 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' What’s up? 
'''Chris:''' Oh, you know, this and that. I went to my first yoga class today that was good. I feel like- 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, that’s exciting! 
'''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry what? 
'''Kacey:''' I said that’s exciting 
'''Chris:''' Oh, OK yeah it was, and it was very good. It was also, you know, classes uh, weekly apparently, so I’ll definitely be going to future ones including the one next week. 
'''Kacey:''' That’s cool, well I mean, you know you must be happy because of all the endorphins that are running through your body because that happens after exercise. I mean, do you feel more relaxed, because you sound kind of stressed right now. 
'''Chris:''' Aw yeah well, little bit, um (sigh). I was expecting, I was expecting you to call and then like, you know, you know, you come in as unavailable or restricted you know. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh 
'''Chris:''' There’s been this, this troll, I think this troll is just trying to call me back, you know I’m hearing the beeping like and go figure the damn troll turned out to have been an email troll. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh 
'''Chris:''' I was like I told her, “quit calling me here I’m expecting a call from my girlfriend!” 
'''Kacey:''' WHAT? 
'''Chris:''' I’m sorry, I mean- I mean, it was just a troll. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, you said it as an excuse. Right, right. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway- 
'''Kacey:''' Because I know you don’t think that of me right now because we’re friends. But- 
'''Chris:''' I mean you are a girl and you are my friend 
'''Kacey:''' Right, right 
'''Chris:''' So you are my girl friend. 
'''Kacey:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' I understand that. Yeah, okay, so anyway then the girl had the nerve to call me back and she said, “Your girlfriends a blow-up doll.” That’s how then I learned that it was a woman- female troll. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh gosh, did her number come through? 
'''Chris:''' No she was a restricted number. 
'''Kacey:''' Ugh… Well maybe you should get a new phone number, you know, and not give it out to the trolls. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but unfortunately I got this phone number linked up on my resume, and it’s in my Playstation Network account, and a whole lot- 
'''Kacey:''' Well you know you can change all those things, but I understand, I mean yeah that is difficult. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, and my father would tell you the same thing as well you know. He would change the home phone number, but so many things that’s linked to. A lot more than mine, I tell you what. [Sound of door opening] Anyway, aside from that. I here and my father went out within the Burger King at lunch and I didn’t get my walk in at the, around the neighborhood like I would have wanted to beforehand because of that. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' I had a side salad, you know usually I go there cause this Burger King gives two Whoppers for three dollars, um I- 
'''Kacey:''' Well when did you wake up? 
'''Chris:''' Probably I got up around 11:30 this morning 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah I guess that’s a little early for you, because normally you wake up around noon (laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, [inaudible] but I expected my father to, like you know, he would want to go out to Burger so I had a bowl of oatmeal- 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh 
'''Chris:''' -and then, you know, that got me filled so all I really needed was the side salad, so I spent a dollar on that 
'''Kacey:''' Well oatmeal is supposed to be very filling so I’m surprised you needed a salad after that. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah maybe, this was like an hour or two after I had the oatmeal. 
'''Kacey:''' Wow, I don’t get hungry till, like, much later but- (laughs) 
'''Chris:''' It was just something to munch on anyway. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' You know vegetables are always good for you anyway. Anyway, aside from that I- After we got back home I had to leave right away because, you know…[stuttering] yesterday I went up to Harris Teeter because my mom needed some more water that was on- you know bottles of waters on sale for a dollar or two less than the Food Lion. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' Actually while I was there I looked up your Febreeze, because you know, when we were talking I wasn’t sure if you were talking about air freshener or fabric softener. I realized that Febreeze does make fabric refresher and I realized that’s what you were talking about. 
'''Kacey:''' Right 
'''Chris:''' So I went over to Target and found that it was on a temporary fifty cent price cut there. So I bought me a bottle of the lavender scented. But then my mom was telling me, “Oh yeah there’s like a bottle of Febreeze, there’s like a thing of Febreeze in the car”- I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, It thought she was talking about the air freshener. I mean I thought she was talking about the air freshener 
'''Kacey:''' Uh-huh 
'''Chris:''' But then I come home with the lavender scented Febreeze fabric refresher but it turns out that was a bottle of fabric refresher too except it was the allergen reducer. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh okay 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' I don’t really like the way that one smells, so- 
'''Chris:''' The allergen reducer 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, It just doesn’t have- It smells clean but I don’t like it 
'''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, I sampled- smelled the two anyway and uh, I kinda liked the allergen reducer a little better, so I’ll finish that up and I’ll get the lavender scented one, but I needed a few more dollars in my wallet anyway so I ended up returning the lavender scented one. 
'''Kacey:''' Wait, you returned something you already used? 
'''Chris:''' No I didn’t use it, all I had to do was just unscrew the top and smell it 
'''Kacey:''' Hmm… still you opened it and that makes it, that’s just not safe. Either way 
'''Chris:''' Anyway they still took it back and I got my four-something back. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' So I’ll finish up the allergen reducer and then like, you know, I’ll spend the five bucks and get the lavender again. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' Which reminds me, yeah, I need to let you know about my current finances, I just haven’t been able to lately because I was busy. Anyway, yeah, went to Target, returned the Febreeze, and then also I ordered something from Goodwill that came with a free gift which is like a three set- set of three kitchen tongs. Couldn’t reuse [inaudible] at the time so I donated them to Goodwill and then I went to Greenbrier Drive from Kim to find the dance studio where the pole dancing class was. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' But I was being held up, and I couldn’t find it. Then you know, I just talked to Kim she told me it’s around Greenbrier Drive. I was like, oh well, I’ll Google it later anyway. I’ll find out for sure where it is. What street address at- 
'''Kacey:''' So why did you buy kitchen tongs are you going to start cooking? 
'''Chris:''' No I did not buy these. These were a free gift. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh 
'''Chris:''' It was like a free supplies 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' So I didn’t expect- 
'''Kacey:''' Maybe you should start cooking. 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah. I can and I will, you know, start cooking for myself more often. But you know, one day at a time. I’d like to feel more independent, you know. Get myself a job and maybe move out of the house or whatever, mmm, moving on to what happened today. After I went searching for the dance studio on Greenbrier Drive, then I just moved ahead to the Western [inaudible] building and attended the yoga class. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' I met a new girl- I met a new female friend. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh cool! 
'''Chris:''' We talked a little bit but it’s not like we exchanged phone numbers or email addresses. Her name is Lauren, she’s a UVA student. She’s majoring in, well she’s not sure yet, but she’s taking politics. 
'''Kacey:''' Politics? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' I guess she’s going to be a political science major. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah probably, yeah, I think she said so, yeah she said political science. Yeah there you go you just took the words out of her mouth (laughs) 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, (laughs) political science majors! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but anyway, apparently she attended church the past couple of Sundays as well. So it was like, you know, first time we met so I said, you know, I’ll see you next Sunday in church- there we are. And then, you know, maybe I can get, maybe we’ll share email addresses then. 
'''Kacey:''' You should, I’m surprised you didn’t already. Especially if you think she’s a friend. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean, like, you know, we just met. 
'''Kacey:''' Still I’ve exchanged email addresses right away 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well, Okay, yeah I’ll see about that next time I see her. Either on Sunday or next Wednesday. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay, well hopefully you do see her. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, I learned a lot about the yoga poses. Actually I heard a new meaning, I mean, I’ve heard the expression “open your heart” before, like from the Sonic Adventure. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' But the way the yoga teacher it was like lift up your chest. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' So you know, I have a better understanding of what they mean by open your heart, it’s like keep your chest held high. 
'''Kacey:''' Um, It’s actually supposed to be a metaphor and it’s got a lot of interpretations. Like opening your heart means opening up to someone or being respectful it can be interpreted dozens of ways. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but in terms of the yoga, opening up the heart means lifting your chest and opening it up for the air you’re breathing in 
Kacey:''' Well, that doesn’t make sense because your heart doesn’t do your air 
Chris:''' Let me put it another way. You’re slouched over and you’re breathing it’s more difficult for the air to get to your lungs and your heart when you’re slouched over. But when you’re straight up in posture then it’s easier for the air to get to your lungs and your heart. 
'''Kacey:''' Um no… What? 
'''Chris:''' Come on, you’re the nurse major you should know that! 
'''Kacey:''' Chris that’s not even remotely true! Just because you’re slouched over doesn’t mean that you can’t get air. 
'''Chris:''' I did not say CAN’T get air, I just said that- 
'''Kacey:'''' It doesn’t make it difficult either because your body’s circulatory system takes care of that whether you’re slouched over or not. 
Chris:''' Hmm, okay while I didn’t- surely you’ve personally, you’re slouched over and your breath but you found that you had to breathe in more because it was like- a longer trip for the air. I’ve felt that 
'''Kacey:''' Chris it’s the same distance no matter what position you’re in, your body doesn’t (exasperated sigh) 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, Okay well, I don’t know, I just learned a little bit more about the expression open your heart. 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, So let’s just leave it at that. 
'''Kacey:''' Right. 
'''Chris:''' Okay. So anyway, I really enjoyed the yoga, but since I’ve been not doing my walking and running like I wanted to I did an hour around the Fashion Square Mall before I went home 
'''Kacey:''' That’s good, just remember you’ve got to get your heart rate up, walking doesn’t help all that much. 
'''Chris:''' I think I did a little power walking in there, so yeah. I’ll get there- I mean, I’ll jog more around the neighborhood at my own pace, you know? 
''''Kacey:''' But if you don’t get your heart rate up to a certain level, you’re not going to lose anything. You really should Google this. You have to push yourself. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I… yeah. Details I have yet to comprehend about that. Anyway also while I was over at the mall I stopped over at the Gamestop to browse around a little bit, and the black cash- the black guy who was working as a cashier there, you know, working at the Gamestop [sound break] square. Yeah, he recognized me. And he’s also friends with a fellow employee, with the guy who works there named Angel. I met him, and he recognized me that Sunday when I gave blood and participated in that Guitar Hero con- Guitar Hero Tournament. He wanted a picture of me and him together, you know, his fellow employee at the time took the picture. It’s a souvenir for him to gloat about, I made his day. The black guy was talking me, yeah, he and Angel were like, “We’re waiting for you to come out with the official Sonichu merchandise, like especially the official Sonichu doll. We’ve seen all this stuff on the internet but we know it’s not official because you say so, and you didn’t official sign off on it or all that.” So you know- 
'''Kacey:''' Well, did you actually give blood? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, that Saturday, yeah. 
'''Kacey:''' So somebody is going to have- your blood is going to save somebody’s life. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but also I double redded. Do you know about that double redding in donating blood? 
'''Kacey:''' You double what? 
'''Chris:''' Double red…Red R-E-D. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' Okay well I’ll explain it to you, you can probably Google it and find out more. In addition to them taking a pint, taking some of your blood whole, they take a chunk of your blood to. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, you mean giving plasma 
'''Chris:''' Yeah they took a whole thing of plasma but after that, they have this little machine where they separate the red cells from the plasma and then they give you [sound break] -plasma. Like I said you could Google, and learn more to better understand. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh no, I just know it as giving plasma, that’s fine. 
'''Chris:''' You know, mm’kay. Anyway that’s double red. Two words, you can Google it. It’s a thing that I started probably before that weekend. It’s like, new. 
'''Kacey:''' Well, I’m proud of you for giving blood that’s very noble and stuff, you know? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve donated blood before and that’s how I learned I’m an A negative blood type. 
'''Kacey:''' Yes, A negative 
'''Chris:''' Yeah anyway getting back on today, after talking to that guy, you know, I came home. And after I came home I finally printed out the three copies of the Number Zero Book and three copies of my resume. I’m gonna send them out to Marvel, Archie and Dark Horse Comics. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' And also I’m going to [inaudible] creating all the audiobook videos for Youtube. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay, just remember get those done soon and the pictures. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ll [inaudible] more on the sexy drawings, I’ve already got the three girls on drawing reference so from that point all I have to do- on I can do, yeah, sex drawings. Yeah, and then before I upload those drawings I have to make one or two Youtube videos of me playing of me playing Guitar Hero 5 with my female band. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh are you going to upload those to the CWCipedia because you should. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm yeah, Kim encouraged me to do that in a private area, you know. And the sex drawings I’m probably going to put those like in the- You know I have a section of the Fan Art that guidelines what not to submit for consideration in the Fan Art section? 
'''Kacey:''' Uh huh 
'''Chris:''' I could put the sex drawings there. 
'''Kacey:''' Cool 
'''Chris:''' I put a warning on there, where it’s like you have to be 18 or older to view these. And plus, they’re like drawings, like art pieces I got from the ED Page. 
''''Kacey:''' Okay 
'''Chris:''' Hmm, where was I… Yeah I’ll work more on the drawings tonight, and I’ll get all the audiobooks done tomorrow. 
'''Kacey:''' Okay, well I have a question that’s just going through my mind. Because you told me how much you think I weighed. How much do you think Kim weighs? I just want to see what you think. 
'''Chris:''' How much Kim weighs? I’m not sure, I’d say 175, 150 somewhere between there? 
'''Kacey:''' What did you say again, I’m sorry? 
'''Chris:''' I’d say about 150 to 175 is my guess. 
'''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. So I can’t remember how much you say you weigh. Did you weigh yourself recently? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, last time I checked, when I was going in for my quad-check up with my doctor, they had to put me on a scale, just to see how much I weighed and do my blood pressure. But yeah- I’m about, somewhere between 215 and 220. 
'''Kacey:''' Well have you done it recently within the past couple of weeks? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah we don’t have a scale here at home so it’s kind of hard for me to do that. 
'''Kacey:''' Maybe you should go get one, who knows? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah 
'''Kacey:''' They probably have one at yoga class 
'''Chris:''' Funny, I did not really see a scale at yoga class or one in the closet where the [inaudible] were, so I don’t know. Mmm. So I just told you my blood type, do you know what your blood type is? 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah it’s A positive. 
'''Chris:''' Wow, we’re so close, we’re both A’s 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, A is a pretty popular bloodtype 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s not, I mean it’s not- wait a minute. Are the A’s common or uncommon? 
'''Kacey:''' A is pretty common. AB and O are fairly uncommon. It’s A, then B, then O and then AB. 
'''Chris:''' So it’s A, then B, then O, then AB 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' SO between A positive and A negative is there just an A? 
'''Kacey:''' No it’s A negative and A positive, it has to do with the antigens 
'''Chris:''' The antigens? 
'''Kacey:''' Yes 
'''Chris:''' Okay that’s a new word to me. 
'''Kacey:''' Well you should probably look it up, it’s all in blood type. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah okay. Antigens. Is that like, I’m gonna spell it how it sounds, is that spelled A-N-T-O-G-E-N 
'''Kacey:''' What? It’s A-N-T-I-G-E-N 
'''Chris:''' Oh, A-N, oh Antigen, antigen, ok. So A is for Antigen, what’s B and O? 
'''Kacey:''' What? No everything has antigens except for type O 
'''Chris:''' Okay so type B has antigen in it as well 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah they have the B an- you just have to look it up 
'''Chris:''' Yeah okay, it’s very interesting 
'''Kacey:''' Yeah, blood is very interesting 
'''Chris:''' Let me ask you, why is it a bad idea to mix blood types, like if you put B or O in an A positive or A negative person. 
Kacey: Okay O is the universal donor, so they can give to anyone because they don’t have antigens. AB can receive anyone because they have both A and B antigens. If you take the wrong antigen and put it in someone’s blood stream, they will die because their body will attack itself. So if you put A antigens in a B bloodtype, they’re going to kill each other and then you die. 
Chris: Oh, okay so AB and O are neutral. 
Kacey: No, O is neutral it has no antigens, it is the universal donor so anyone can take O blood. AB is the universal receiver so they can take anyone’s blood because they have all the antigens 
Chris: OK so AB is the universal receiver, Okay 
Kacey: Yes 
Chris: Wow, A and B it’s like those are opposite types, huh. 
Kacey: Yeah people with O, even though they can give to anyone they can only have O blood, but AB can take anyone’s blood. 
Chris: Which is more rare, AB or O 
Kacey: AB usually, because it’s got both the of them, but it’s by a small margin. 
Chris: Huh, I see. Is blood type- I’m sure blood types are genetic aren’t they? 
Kacey: Of course almost everything is genetic. Actually blood type is very important in cultures, not so much of ours, but in other cultures they use blood type to determine personalities and for match-making, it’s kind of outdated but they still do that. 
Chris: Yeah I think we talked about that in a previous conversation about personality traits in comparison to blood types, and then, yeah, I can Google that as well. 
Kacey: Right 
Chris: Yeah we talked about that before. 
Kacey: Yeah (laughs) 
Chris: Hmmm, well okay, let me ask you though, A positive and A negative would you say those are opposing, opposite of each other. If you put A negative in the A plus- A positive and they die? 
Kacey: What? 
Chris: If you put A negative blood in an A positive person will the A positive person- 
Kacey: Yeah you can’t mix that, you don’t want to. 
Chris: Oh, okay. I get it, cool. 
Kacey: Well, anything else on your mind? 
Chris: Let me think. Oh yeah, I asked my mom earlier today why she thinks that I often blank out or I’m often confused. 
Kacey: Uh huh 
Chris: She theorizes it’s because I’m a creative genius. You know, I’m a very creative guy, and I have so many creative thoughts coming in and out and they differ from what’s currently in my mind and- 
Kacey: Well I’m really creative and I don’t blank out. I’m serious when I say there’s a serious, serious thing that could be wrong with you. You blanking out like that, It could be you’re not getting adequate nutrition, it could mean you’re dehydrated. It could mean you could have something wrong seriously like a tumor or something. 
Chris: Mmm, I don’t know it’s a theory my mom had, but anyway point was, so many creative thoughts pretty much derails my train of thought and puts me in a blank state or confusion. That’s just from my mom’s point of view and how she understands it, something like that. 
Kacey: I don’t know. That just doesn’t make sense to me. 
Chris: Okay, say you want to remember something from like, yeah from like ten conversations ago, but then you try to remember, but it’s like it’s hard for you to remember because of all your incoming creative ideas at the time, or- 
Kacey: The brain doesn’t work that way. 
Chris: Come on, memory in the brain is like random access memory just like in any computer, it’s random. 
Kacey: No it’s not. No, no, no, no 
Chris: Did you voice just get deep there? 
Kacey: Sorry I covered my mouth with my hands 
Chris: Well it could be just- 
Kacey: It was just my voice echoing through my hands, that’s all it was. 
Chris: Okay 
Kacey: I mean yes, there have been comparisons to the brain being like a computer, but it’s not like that. It’s not like a switchboard where things can get plugged up or anything. There are so many places in your brain that have to do with memory, I just don’t even know how to explain this. 
Chris: Okay, well you’re probably right, it could be the nutrition thing, but I’m drinking water more, nowadays and I’m getting on track [inaudible] vegetation and having a more healthy lifestyle and my daily exercise regimen so I’ll probably get better on that. 
Kacey: You should actually talk to your doctor about it, because if you are suffering from poor nutrition they can give you tests. You really should look into that. 
Chris: Okay, well I’ll be sure to- 
Kacey: Maybe you have an iron deficiency, you should totally ask. 
Chris: Yeah well before my check-up I usually go in a little earlier and give a little blood for blood work so they would know at that point. SO they would know at that point. So I’ll be sure to talk to my doctor about that. 
Kacey: Okay that’s good. 
Chris: Alright 
Kacey: Okay, well anything else? 
Chris: Yeah, the current money I spent on so far this month I will definitely know about that, I promise, I’ll send you a message. 
Kacey: Okay cool, thanks 
Chris: I do want to tell you that, but I’m not [inaudible] bank account number or anything like that (laughs) 
Kacey: Okay (laughs) 
Chris: Yeah but anyway, Oh shoot I had another thought in my head… [mumbles] What I spent on so far this month, shoot I lost the other thought… hmmm, oh well. Hmm, what else is on your mind? 
Kacey: Just, you know, all my tests and all my projects and stuff. I really don’t have anything else. 
Chris: Learn anything new today? 
Kacey: We just went over some of the projects, we didn’t go over anything I didn’t already know, so I’m good. We’re still in review. 
Chris: Your project’s like, essays. 
Kacey: No I have a five page paper that’s for Anthropology, and I have to get people to take these surveys and then I have to cross reference everything by state, region, nationwide and worldwide. So it’s going to be a really easy paper, it’s just the research that’s going to get me. 
Chris: Hmmm, survey huh? You know, I can probably take that if you email me the questions on your survey. 
Kacey: Okay, I totally can. 
Chris: I’d be happy to help you with that. 
Kacey: Okay, I will totally do that. 
Chris: Just type in the email or type it in a Microsoft Word file and I will download it and open it up on my Microsoft Word. 
Kacey: Okay 
Chris: And then I’ll put the answers on the Word file and add my name to it, or I can put it in an email reply, the answers. 
Kacey: Okay, that’d be cool. 
Chris: Oh, I just remembered the other thought. I thought about more, about the five hundred word minimum essay I was gonna do for you about Autism, I thought about what I could do for that. 
Kacey: Mmhmm 
Chris: I thought about just refreshing myself on the characteristics of a person with Autism, you know like on Autism.org that’s a good place to go, or look it up on Wikipedia. And comparing it to my actual, real life experiences, you know, how I have exhibited some of those characteristics, and also, you know how I got better from that later on in life. 
Kacey: Okay 
Chris: Yeah, I’m just thinking, like you know, I’m thinking good for you there. Because I like to help out. 
Kacey: Aw, thank you. 
Chris: Okay 
Kacey: Well, I’ve got to go to bed, because I’ve got class in the morning, so let me go ahead and let you go and I will talk to you tomorrow. 
Chris: Alright sweet dreams 
Kacey: Okay, alright bye 
Chris: Alright, Bye-bye. 
[call ends]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?2i238caqrp6h00o mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 13]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

User:Farm Zombie

2011-03-24T07:15:41Z

Farm Zombie: transcriber

[[Image:Farmzombie.jpg]]

{{transcriber}}

User:Farm Zombie

2011-03-24T06:32:59Z

Farm Zombie: picture!

[[Image:Farmzombie.jpg]]

File:Farmzombie.jpg

2011-03-24T06:28:49Z

Farm Zombie:

Kacey Call 10

2011-03-24T06:09:29Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ colors

4 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] mowed the back yard today. His mom mowed the front yard.
*Chris says he jogged around the neighborhood.
*Chris "forgot" to buy [[Bob]] a birthday present. [[Vivian Gee]] didn't forget, she sent him a nice gift basket.
*Chris still hates Vivian for making the [[Audiobooks]] and making a mockery and slander out of him. Kacey likes the Audiobooks.
*Chris didn't read Vivian's book "and he did not care to"; he gave it to his pastor who told Chris it's a mockery of him.
*Chris bought some [[sports bra]]s, he likes them and now wears them all the time.
*Chris was confused by bra sizes, so he had to ask a girl to measure him.
*Chris now understands how women feel because he has to wear a bra too.
*Chris talks about chromosomes, and implies that he's part-woman or something stupid.
*Chris shaved his belly before taking the [[Sports bra#Gallery|sports bra photos]].
*Chris claims he had manboobs since he was 8 years old.
*Chris has no goals or ambitions, but he once wanted to be a cowboy.
*Chris dreamt that he had a daughter with him at his office job; in the dream he called her Crystal. Clearly this was [[God]] showing him the future.
*Chris would like to get married before he turns 30.
*Chris currently has $10 in his savings, but he's "letting it grow". He also just bought a bunch of video games.
*Chris doesn't want to sell any of his [[video games]], he wants to hold on to them for his children to enjoy.
*Chris admits he's really just keeping the games for himself.
*Kacey calls Chris a hoarder. Chris has never heard of that word.
*Chris blames his hoarding on his parents again, it's all their fault, they're a bunch of packrats.
*If Chris moves any of the shit out, his mom will yell at him.
*Apparently, when Chris asked his parents about moving stuff out of the house, they said "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO WE'RE GONNA KICK YOU OUTTA THE HOUSE".

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hallo
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris it’s Kacey
 '''Chris:''' Hay Kas, How are you
 '''Kacey:''' I’m good, how about you
 '''Chris:''' hay [Short Pause] yeah shoot I had a topic on my head but I can’t remember it right now so how was…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] just give yourself a few minutes and think about it. My day was good you know just school and everything. I got to do a dissection [Chris: ok] today so it was fun.
 '''Chris:''' a dissection, what you had biology
 '''Kacey:''' um, I’m taking it out of my physiology. I mean, um yeah I majored in biology [giggles]
 '''Chris:''' oh, yeah that’s right, um, um, um nurse thing [Kacey: yeah] so it’s only natural yeah. Ok, so I mowed the backyard today and my mom mowed the front yaaard
 '''Kacey:''' oh, that’s good, um, was it really hot out their because I know it was hot where I am
 '''Chris:''' yeah it was warm out here. On the porch we had a bunch of trees.
 '''Kacey:''' did you ever think that maybe you should do both yards then and let your mom rest
 '''Chris:''' aah, I’m sorry, what, I did not understand the question
 '''Kacey:''' maybe you should have done both the yards, you know instead of your mom being out there in the heat
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' well she wa, she wanted to do it. She was the first one out mowing the lawn.
 '''Kacey:''' oh, so she had to push you to do it
 '''Chris:''' oh no, she did push me to do it but ah, It’s like you know I asked her if she would like my help and she said yeah so I ah 
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] yeah that’s [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' We have a ride on mower and a push mower. She used the ride on I used the push.
 '''Kacey:''' oh ok
 '''Chris:''' I had to- I even had to push the mover underneath the dripping branches of some of our trees
 '''Kacey:''' oh, ok
 '''Chris:''' some of our trees have overhanging branches
 '''Kacey:''' you ever think of trimming those branches off then
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' hmm, [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' you know so they don’t fall and mess things up
 '''Chris:''' yeah, we have, uh, uh, we have actually trimmed some of the branches before [pause] uh but they [Kacey: kay] grow back you know
 '''Kacey:''' yeah, you know plants tend to grow, um, so did you do anything else today
 '''Chris:''' yeah, um, after I finished up the yard I took a shower and I went and got a smoothie with my [sound of phone ringing in the background] uh, my phones, my home phones ringing let nobody answer it, ha uh, it’s distracting me though, anyway, yeah, ah my family, if I need to go out together to get something to eat so I have to drive me by [unintelligible]. I got a fruit smoothie while I asked at my mom and dad over at coaches while they had, while they shared a pair of hotdogs and fries over at are, over at coaches grill, they had a hotdog and fries, I had a smoothie.
 '''Kacey:''' oh well that sounds like fun. It was just a normal family outing huh
 '''Chris:''' yeah, and then afterwards, and then after we got back I checked my email and, ah, it went through all, it went through all [unintelligible] and then I walked around the neighborhood, I did a little walking and a little jogging, I got five minutes of jogging in out of the walking, yeah, we had mostly, we have a whole bunch of inclines so it is mostly up and down, in our [long stutter] in my neighborhood here [long pause] and I went around prac- [long stutter] my whole subdivision area
 '''Kacey:''' well I mean I’ve just checked my email too and umm, Kibs said it was your dads birthday so did you guys do anything else besides getting the smoothie
 '''Chris:''' yeah my mom, yeah I was going to get my father, I remembered it was my fathers birthday yesterday and a couple of days before that as well but unfortunately when I was running, I mean I had the money in my bank and, uh, I spaced out and I forgot to buy my father a present but you know it’s all good, my father doesn’t usually, like he doesn’t usually care a lot much, so I can just, cause it is as simple as, you know, go up to Walgreens and get a bag of maple nut goodies for him, he likes those maple nut goodies.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, ok, well, um, did he get any other presents
 '''Chris:''' uhh, yeah after we got back home from lunch apparently there was a box on our front porch from a, uhh, Cherry Grove Tree company, uhh, it was like a little birthday box and then it was
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I heard of them they do online orders
 '''Chris:''' I’m sorry what?
 '''Kacey:''' I heard of them they do online orders, you know like [Chris: yeah] edible arrangements and one eight hundred flowers so what, what, uh, did he get
 '''Chris:''' yeah their was a little teddy bear, small bag [Kacey: awwww] of cookies as, couple of pieces of fancy chocolate and some hard, and some spheres [pronounced spears by Chris] of hard candy
 '''Kacey:''' oh my gosh, so who was nice enough to send that to him. That sounds amazing
 '''Chris:''' mmm, yeah but says like get this on the message note it says it was from Vivian and friends, you know, I know Vivian as Vivian Gee who was that witch
 Kacey: [interrupting] oh my gosh that was so nice of her
 '''Chris:''' hmm, yeah but>
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] so I mean
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' I mean I [unintelligible] know [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' you did it right 
'''Kacey:''' [talking over Chris] did your dad like it
 '''Chris:''' yeah he- yeah he liked it, mostly shared it with my mom
 '''Kacey:''' oh, that’s so awesome though, oh, that’s so nice
 '''Chris:''' uh, yeah [unintelligible] it is a nice gesture but
 '''Kacey:''' yeah you should totally be happy to have friends like that
 '''Chris:''' uh
 '''Kacey:''' [talking over Chris] I mean you should thank her, I mean look at that she got your dad a present when you didn’t even, I mean that’s just amazing of her
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' uhh, yeah well I mean I was- I was thinking- I was planning on making a video thanking her for that but still you know I don’t- still it doesn’t win me over, you know, it does not turn my feelings around with her on that note, you know I still
 '''Kacey:''' well I don’t see why you are trying to make this a bad thing, I mean she did a vary big gesture of good will, I mean it was towards your dad of all things, I mean that’s huge but I mean what did she do that is making you so mad
 '''Chris:''' come on if you look on her youtube account vivi-the-gee which is for my- which is ahh- oh shit, I have subscribed to that and I blocked her from my youtube, mmm, oh maybe I did but
 '''Kacey:''' she must have said something really bad what was it
 '''Chris:''' uhh, but anyway she made these- she made- behind my back she make these audiobook parodies of my comic pages and that I should- and she did not have my permission on that. She was Clyde- She is- she was Clyde Cash's cousin and Clyde Cash was a major troll in my life- was really
 '''Kacey:''' oh, well maybe you should make a video concerning that, I mean you know
 '''Chris:''' I’m talk- may I finish, anyway [Kacey: whatever] anyway she- anyway aside from that- in addition to all of that she just made a whole bunch of mockeries out of me

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?49thdxgd6gfbnv0 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 9]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 9

2011-03-24T05:37:21Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ finished

3 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] says he's okay being just friends. However, one second later, he says that [[Kacey]] telling him they're just friends is like "stabbing him in the heart".
*Chris: "When I feel love, I feel da happy tingling, I feel happy, elated and ecstatic".
*Chris nervously asks if Kacey has ever drank [[alcohol]], apparently Chris briefly drank a lot but now he only drinks "socially".
*Chris is confused and disappointed that Kacey still has feelings for [[Liquid Chris]]. Chris understands because he had strong feelings for girls in the past, but they were all [[trolls]] or they [[death|died]].
*Kacey questions how Chris can be in love with so many girls.
*Chris gets mad about getting his [[PSN]] accounts hacked. Kacey points out that he's way more passionate about that than about those girls.
*Chris angrily recounts his one date with [[Faeryn]] and how she told him "I'm just not into you", and she totally "said that out of nowhere". Kacey asks what went wrong. Chris: "Maybe I did touch her a few times... but this was before I met you!" Kacey gets Chris to describe Faeryn, probably trying to get him to call her fat. He describes her as heavyset and a "wild fun one."
*Chris needs more "guy friends" to hang out with, Chris says he never socialized with guys growing up. Kacey says it's "kinda gay" that he only had [[gal pals|female friends]], so he backpedals and says that he had some male buddies growing up and they "hung out like straight men".
*Chris says that his autism makes it so he can't make any friends that are guys. Kacey says that Chris is bullshitting.
*Kacey says he was probably "too girly" for the other guys. Chris says he has done "boy things" such as playing soccer, volleyball, and football in [[high school]].
*Chris blames his [[autism]], his [[father]], and other males for his not having male friends.
*Kacey says women are way more evil than men. Chris says "that's stupid," then goes on to say that he knows more about women than Kacey due to [[TV]].
*Kacey asks if Chris has ever started a fight, Chris says he needs to "ponder about it" for a bit. He then says yes, with his father.
*Chris argues with his father a lot, gets pretty angry when talking about it.
*Kacey asks for a story, and Chris starts whining and raising his voice about his memory and how Kacey is asking too much of him.
*"I don't remember spoken words or what I've said".
*Chris says he's never started a physical fight, but he totally fought back when people beat on him
*Some kid punched Chris on the bus and knocked his glasses off. HE KNOCKED HIS [[glasses|GLASSES]] OFF. The fight was caused because Chris wanted to get off the bus before another kid.
*Chris claims he fought back (note that he tells a different version of this story to [[Jackie]] one year later).
*After this fight he got put on the Special Ed Bus, where some kid named Tony would tap him on the head and spit on him.
*Chris wouldn't move seats because he didn't want to find a new seat from what he would choose every day. "IT WAS MY CONSTANT ROUTINE THAT I RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS IN THE FRONT SEAT"
*Chris starts raising his voice and Kacey threatens to hang up.
*The "Special Aid Worker" on the bus didn't help Chris, Chris didn't like her because "she was all butch" and would raise her voice to Chris.
*Kacey suggests for him to type his stories up and to put them on [[CWCipedia]]. Chris thinks if the trolls hear about this they will mock him for it, but then says he'll think about it.
*Chris gets stressed out and asks permission to get off the phone.

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris. It’s Kacey. How are ya?
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace. I’m okay. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. Just tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Long day at work.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh… [unintelligible] I fairly much-I fairly much got over what happened last night. And uh… you know, I’m still-I’m still gonna be friends with you. I just want to let you know about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you get over it? What do you mean by that?
 '''Chris:''' C’mon, didn’t you get the email I sent you last night?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I did. You told me to watch some movies. I already did, and I was like, I don’t get it.
 '''Chris:''' Telling somebody you’re gonna be – telling somebody whose hopeful expectations of something better than being just friends [unintelligible] just friends forever. That’s like stabbing him-that’s like stabbing him in the back or in the heart.
 '''Kacey:''' And you think that trying to push attentions on somebody who’s in love with someone else isn’t like stabbing them in the heart?
 '''Chris:''' I did not say that and I did not… I…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you just can’t predict the future and you can’t force things on people, like I just want you to respect how I feel right now. I mean, actions speak louder than words. I mean… just, right now… I mean, I’m not saying I know what’s gonna happen, but you can’t wither. I mean… just, right now it’s like, you’ve gotta understand what I’m going through.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And for you to go behind my back and tell people that I’m gonna be your girlfriend… I mean, just, you know… you would ruin anything you could’ve had anyway. Just, right now is not the time, and you need to respect that. I’m not saying that I hate you or anything. I’m just saying… no.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, do you not understand how much pain I’m going through?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do understand. I do understand, you know? Yeah, the guy… he left you…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I don’t think you do. I mean, do you… do you even know what love is? What is love to you?
 '''Chris:''' Love, to me, is like a lot of things. It’s complicated to talk about, like most anybody else would, but you know, when I feel love, it’s like I feel… I feel the tingle-I feel the happy tingling and I feel happy, elated, ecstatic… and the-and it just feels-it just feels really really good. And I still…
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but love is pain too, you know, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, love is just intensity.
 '''Chris:''' Love is intensity?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes. I mean, it could go either way. It’s not always good and it’s not always bad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Actually, I understand that. Mmm… yeah, anyway… uh… I don’t really have much on my mind right now. Actually, I do have one question I had-I did want to ask you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' It may not be appropriate, but… yeah. Have you ever… drank? You know, alcoholic beverages.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I have. I’m over twenty-one.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I had my celebratory twenty-first birthday dinner at least. I mean, I don’t drink a lot, but… I-I have had drinks. Why do you ask?
 '''Chris:''' I was just wondering, cause yeah, you know, I’ve had-I’ve had some myself and I don’t drinky as much either. [pause] I mean, it’s like, you know… uh… you know, at first I-I did more-did more often, because, you know, it just felt good, but then I realized that’s how bad it was. And then I-and then I stayed of it and I don’t do it as much.
 '''Kacey:''' I-it’s not that bad if you do it in moderation. I mean, one drink won’t kill you or anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, one drink in a d-one drink in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you can have more than one drink, it’s just that you don’t want to get to the point where it rules you, where like, you always have to have a drink.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I don’t-I don’t feel like I have to have a drink every day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Cause, you know, I’ll drink socially.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-yeah, most people are social drinkers.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I just wanted to ask. Get that question out of the way.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, umm… yeah, okay. So, you’re still having feelings for… uh… for Chris, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I did. I was-I was gonna marry him. I mean, I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but … I fell for him really hard. I mean, you don’t know much pain I am-I’m in. I-I-It sucks that I can’t even see him, that I can’t hear him, that I can’t even touch him. I mean, i-it sucks. It hurts.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me before, you know. It’s like, you know, I had high expectations myself. You know, yeah, with the-with the women I talked to one at a time, of course you know, with them. And they either-they either turn out to be trolls or they died.
 '''Kacey:''' O-or they died?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Like… uh… Sarah Jackson for one was in an auto-automobile accident between her car and a truck. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie was involved in that brushfire last-brushfire last January.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote love?[pause]
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I do not-I have not kept count, but I’m talking about, like you know, yeah, w-we have actually talked to each other for a standard amount of time… and then they-and then they-either they turn out to be trolls or they died. [pause] And this is over the internet, by the way, like it happened between last-between last august and… uh…
 '''Kacey:''' Would you really call that love though? I mean, if you can go in and out of it so easily?
 '''Chris:''' I felt it. I felt it and I still feel for those-for those lost hearts, especially the ones…
 '''Kacey:''' For all of them?
 '''Chris:''' Well, the ones that died. I-I can’t really say that I have positive emotions, you know, for that thirteen-year-old brat who pretended to be a twenty-year-one… twenty-one-year-old girl for two… two-three… two-three months. So, [mutters incoherently] …was the first one that got into my Playstation Network account and conned me-and he con-and that little brat conned me out of so much DLC and even the [unintelligible] version of Burnout Paradise when it was just twenty dollars. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, uh… I guess that would make you angry.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you just seem-you just seem more worked up about the video games than you do talking about love though. I mean, look at-look at the passion you showed, and then I asked you about love and you’re like “whatever.”
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' I think… that’s just not cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you’re right. It’s not. I mean, it’s just that I never learned love beyond… c’mon… it’s like, you know, I never even had my first date up until a few weeks ago, when I-when I went out on that one date.
 '''Kacey:''' W-with who again?
 '''Chris:''' I only-I only out with one date-on one date in my lifetime and that was with Faeryn [mutters incoherently] a month-a couple- a month or two ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, was she pretty?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she was pretty, but after-but after one date, she was like “Oh, I’m not into you.” And then she just broke it-and then she just broke it with me like that. I mean, I was not-I did not feel the pain immediately, because I did have-because I did have one, and this was at the Apple-we had our date at the Applebee’s. You know, it was a Monday night?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had one. But, it’s like, you know, her-it’s like, the emotions didn’t get me right away, but then… y’know, after I sober… uh… after a while, I sobered up and then it all-then it all…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, if you weren’t sober, did you do anything inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what?
 '''Kacey:''' You said that you weren’t sober. Did you do anything in the date that was inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, yeah, maybe I did touch her a few times.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, but this was-this was before I met you. This was before I met you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you should know that anyway, you’re twenty-seven.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… you know, it’s just common sense. Well, I mean… um… since you said she was pretty… uh… what did she look like?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. You saw the picture. Remember that trading card I gave to Kim?
 '''Kacey:''' O-oh, that was her?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, in the-in the second half of the heart-shaped balloon. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… I-I really don’t remember that well. I-I mean, it’s like, I just kind of looked at Kim’s picture, cause you remember, I just commented on that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you did.
 '''Kacey:''' So, so… uh… maybe you could re-describe her for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she heav-yeah, she was a heavy-set girl. Kind of a redhead. Short, short hair. Uh… I think she was about your height. Uh, no wait. I’m sorry. She was a little bit taller. Um… [pause] yeah, she was-she was like… uh… she was-she was a wild, fun one, kind of. She worked at a book sto-she works at a book store over at the downtown mall.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. Cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, all the details, I can’t remember off the top of my head, but the point it is… end-end of date num-at end of date number one, she just told me “I was not at all that into me-all that into you.” She was not all that into…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] What prompted her to say that? Did she just say that out of nowhere? Or did you-did you… proposition her? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she pretty much said that out of nowhere.
 '''Kacey:''' That seems odd. Well, if she would do something like that, she probably wasn’t very nice to begin with. I mean, I don’t do that when I meet guys. I don’t go up to the m and go, “By the way, I don’t like you!”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I agree with you. [pause] But, you know, the point is though, I do-I do get lonely a lot, especially during night-during the nighttime, when I’m not talking to anybody.
 '''Kacey:''' Well… uh… maybe you should go out and get some friends, like I, you know, suggested.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim and I were just talking about that. Yeah, need to make more-need-need some more guy friend-need more guy friends to hang out with.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, yeah. That’s definitely good. You definitely should.
 ''Chris:''' Mmm… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Some boys nights out.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, Kim can tell you more about what we talked about in that conversation. But, yeah, it’s not that easy…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why can’t you?
 '''Chris:''' Why can’t I make guy friends? Well…
 '''Kacey:''' No, why can’t you tell me? I mean, should I get my information from Kim?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can’t ‘member all the details. I can tell you what I remember.
 '''Kacey:''' No, that-that’s fine. Just… um…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… anyway, it’s like, you know, yeah. I just basically-I just never cared for guys that much and… uh… I didn’t-I rarely socialized with guy-with men-with boys grow-growing up. Mostly-I mostly socialized with girls.
 '''Kacey:''' D-don’t… okay. I mean, I don’t see why. If you-if you get friends with someone, it doesn’t really matter what gender they are. I mean, it seems like you’re being kind of biased, for no reason. I mean, that’s kinda gay.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' Look, most guys who have a lot of girlfriends would be like that. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… well, I mean, I will admit, I did have a few-I did have a few buddies in my-I did have a few buddies in my lifetime. But, yeah. But, it’s like, you know, they… came-they came and gone. You know. But, you know, we hung out like-like-like a coup-couple of-like straight men, you know. It was okay. But, any-but, anyway, most-anyway, other than that… uh… I just never really-rrreally socialized with men as much as I did with women. Uh… boys…
 '''Kacey:''' But, like I said, i-it feels like you did that because… you’re… biased. Not because the guys weren’t-were really mean or anything.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well-yeah, think about this, though. I mean, this way like, all growing up, this-this is go-this is going on. My neighborhood consisted mostly of young girls. [stammers] …we were the same age. You know, we played together and all that. And, you know… [pause, sound of clock ticking, mutter incoherently] …I had more gal pals than I did… dude-than I did dude buddies.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean… what about in school? There had to be way more guys in school you could interact with.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did-I did talk-I did- I told ya, I made-I had a few buddies in high-between the school life… but the point is, you know, yeah. I did not-I just did not have that many guy friends. [pause] It just never happened for me.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean, but was it because… of you, your biasness, or just because… I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' I would say it would contribute to my autism. You know…
 '''Kacey:''' Autism doesn’t make you hate genders, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [yelling] Oh, forget about genders! It’s like, you know I rarely talk to pe-autistic people rarely talk to other people, and they rarely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s bullshit, you know that, right?
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, yes, they have social problems, but… I mean, you’re talking to me now. I have experience with this. Don’t try to bullshit me and play that card.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, but I’m just saying, it’s like, you know… it was more… It’s like, okay, growing up I had the girls in the neighborhood. I was introduced to the girls and they were nice to me, they were friendly to me, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, and who’s to say the guys wouldn’t be? Maybe you just didn’t do a lot of guy things. Maybe you were too girly for them or something. Cause that’s the only way I could see, like, little boys picking on another boy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I have do-I have done boy things. I’ve played sports.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' You know, like basketball, volleyball, baseball…
 '''Kacey:''' Volleyball’s not really I guy-sport. That’s really a girl-sport.
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Soccer! Soccer. I’ve played a foot-I’ve played a little football.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, then you should’ve been able to talk to lots of, you know, other boys your age. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and all consider this: my father, he just constantly picked and picked on my nerves. He calls it teach me how to spaaaaar argumentatively and in talking. He just-he just called it that excuse. But, because of like, you know, he has to put it in that sense… it just, pretty much, paints a very sharp-very sharp, high-definition picture in my head about how boys would likely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s just your dad, Chris! That doesn’t represent every male in society. Maybe he’s just trying to be your father. Maybe he’s just trying to teach you something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still, I mean like, you know… and also, I have watched television and I have often seen…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this. Television does not equal real life. You can’t use it as a basis.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, you definitely find in real life that… uh… men often do pick fights, in real life.
 '''Kacey:''' No! Women pick more fights than men do. It’s what women do. I mean… you’ve gotta be kidding. Haven’t you ever heard of a catfight?
 '''Chris:''' I’ve heard catfights.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, women are way more evil, of the two genders, I promise you.
 '''Chris:''' Now that’s-now that’s stupid. No, no, no…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not stupid at all! [chuckles] Obviously, you haven’t been around women enough. I mean, I’m a woman, I would know these things.
 '''Chris:''' I have been around woman a lot in my lifetime, believe me. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, I just don’t think you could speak for that unless you’re a woman, and you’re not a woman, are you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I am not.
 '''Kacey:''' Then you wouldn’t really know, now would you?
 '''Chris:''' I guess that-would not know, I’m not a mind reader. [pause, belches] Excuse me.
 '''Kacey:''' You’re excused. But, I mean, I, yeah, I think Kim’s right. I think you should go out and get some more guy friends.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, okay, you’re a guy too. Have you ever started a fight?
 '''Chris:''' L-let me ponder about that… that would be diving into my memories, right there.
 '''Kacey:''' H-how can you ponder about it? You’ve either started a fight or you haven’t. If you’re saying “all guys start fights,” then you should’ve.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, okay, well, I have-I have started fights, in retrospect. In return, I have picked on my father’s nerves, and gotten to start argument-and started fights with him.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, how?
 '''Chris:''' You know-you know, it’s like, you know… I don’t know. It’s… like a current topic that comes up… I just… I don’t know, I just… find a nerve-I just randomly find a nerve that he’s bothered about and… uh… it’s like, you know, I end up picking on that and then he-and then he raises his voice at me, and then we get into an argument.
 '''Kacey:''' You know, that sounds like stuff women do, but can you give me an example?
 '''Chris:''' [high-pitched yelling] I… just gave you an example!
 '''Kacey:''' You didn’t give me a real one, like you didn’t tell me like, what you said.
 '''Chris:''' [still frustrated] Well, I don’t remember all the audio details.
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t remember any details.
 '''Chris:''' I do. I remember…
 '''Kacey:''' Don’t raise your voice at me.
 '''Chris:''' I remember-I remember details. It’s just, they’re mostly photographic. I can’t-it’s like, you know, I don’t ‘member spoken words or what I said.
 '''Kacey:''' Pho… [sighs] never mind.
 '''Chris:''' But, ye- I mean, but, yeah, it’s like, you know, when it really sinks in, I can-I can remember what was said. When it really sinks in.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, okay, have you ever started a physical fight, like you accuse other boys of doing? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I can honestly say I have not started a physical fight, even though I was physically beat on myself a few times in my life.
 '''Kacey:''' Did you swing back? I mean, did you do anything? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did fi-I did fight back. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' When? Like, do you know of a time when you did that?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know this one-yeah, I know the one time when on the scho-on the… uh… school bus, on the way home. It’s like, you know, I was a constant-I was, like, in constant... you know, I was sitting in the front seat of the bus, and this guy was sitting across the aisle, in the front seat as well… and uh… it’s like, you know, we were in constant competition with each other, and then when he… and then-and one of those times, when he really wanted to really get the jump on me and be the first out of the bus… it’s like, you know… yeah, he gave me-he gave me a physical… hit in the… hit in the-I don’t remember exactly where. But, yeah-but, yeah. Then I pun-then I punched back and then… and then… a couple more punches and then… he kno-he punched me so hard in the face, it knocked my glasses off. He knocked my glasses off! [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, did you bleed?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did bleed.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, from your nose or something? Or your lip?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had a few bleed spots from my face. I think-yeah, I had a nosebleed.
 '''Kacey:''' What did your parents do? O-or was that when they took you off the bus and put you on the bus short?
 '''Chris:''' That was when-right after that happened, they took me off the regular bus and they put me on the stupid handicapped bus.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you got to leave class a little early. Wasn’t that cool?
 '''Chris:''' No, I did not have to leave class early. I left cla-I left class at the same time as everybody else.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' Busses-all the busses left at the same time.
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry, most schools… uh… those busses leave earlier.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, those-those busses did not leave earlier. They left at the same time. [pause] Anyway, I-anyway, I did-anyway, I cared not-I cared not care much for any of those handicapped bus rides, especially with the one reta-
 '''Kacey:''' Why?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one slow-minded individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.
 '''Kacey:''' Why didn’t-why didn’t you just move?
 '''Chris:''' I was sitting in my usual seat, you know, front…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why didn’t you just move? [pause] I mean, if somebody’s doing that to you, isn’t it common sense to move?
 '''Chris:''' I did not want to move. My constant-my con…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then it didn’t really matter that much…
 '''Chris:''' My con… [quickly quiets down] My constant…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-uh.
 '''Chris:''' I’m talking. My constant routine…
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn’t mean you need to…
 '''Chris:''' …was riding on the right side of the bus.
 '''Kacey:''' [sternly] Don’t you. Don’t you! Stop! You raise your voice at me again and I will-I will leave this phone call.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, but still. It was my constant routine that I ride on the right side of the bus, on the front seat, and this guy was, like, two seats behind me.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well then he really shouldn’t have been able to reach you, and even then, if it was bothering you that much, couldn’t you tell the bus driver or just move? Would it really have killed you to move?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, no. Uh… yeah, I did-I did not like breaking my routine-oh, wait. I did eventually move. But, any-but, yeah, I did tell the bus driver. I also told the special aide… person that rode on the bus practically every bus ride. I did not care for much-much for her either. I mean, like, you know, I tried being friendly-I tried being friends with her, but… still, it’s like, you know, she was all-all butch and…
 '''Kacey:''' Chirs!
 '''Chris:''' Very forceful. It’s like, you know, I just didn’t care much for her.
 '''Kacey:''' What do you mean “she was all butch?”
 '''Chris:''' You know, she constantly raised her voice, for one thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe she was just trying to establish authority. But, how does that make her butch?
 '''Chris:''' Her tone of voice was butch.
 '''Kacey:''' A-are you saying she had a deep voice?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, she did have a deep voice. Yes she did.
 '''Kacey:''' Have you ever thought of writing these stories down in the CWCipedia, so that people might be able to understand you more? You know, see what you’ve gone through?
 '''Chris:''' I can’t think of everything for me to put on the Cwcipedia, and plus that kind of information is one that-only the trolls would just mock me about. “Oh, you rode on the handicapped bus! You were…”
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but you’re… okay, but the trolls already know that, don’t they? Wh-maybe if you put these stories on there, your fans would appreciate you more.
 '''Chris:''' I’ll think about it. I’ll think about that. [pause] Yeah, it’s a whole-so much-so many stories in my lifetime I-and I do remember them all. It’s just, you know, most of them are buried in my head, and it would take me a while…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… well, how about… uh… old essays from high school, you know, so even-at least I could see more of your high school life? Like old English essays or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I have some of those.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I would definitely be interested in seeing those on the CWCipedia soon.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I will definitely think about that and… uh… and I will consider putting-putting-looking-finding those and putting those in the CWCipedia, and I emphasize finding those…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, don’t think about it. I wasn’t you to do that, okay. Can you do that for me?
 '''Chris:''' I’ll put up a few on the CWCipedia, yeah. 
 '''Kacey:''' Thank you. Thank you. That means a lot to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pauses, then sighs] Yeah, I’m kind of tired right now. Ummm… is it okay if we end-if we end-end it for now, tonight? We can talk-we can talk again tomorrow night.'''Kacey:''' No, that’s fine.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, well you take care. Stay safe.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Talk to you later.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, bye.

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?frfx699g1akern5 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 10]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

The GAMe PLACe

2011-03-17T19:17:40Z

Farm Zombie: /* Chris gets The Boot */

[[Image:The-Game-Place.jpg|thumb|The GAMe PLACe]]
[[Image:GamePlace2.jpg|thumb|Another angle, revealing The GAMe PLACe to be adjacent to a Staples store.]]

'''The GAMe PLACe''' is a comic book, game, card, toy, and hobby shop in [[Charlottesville]]. For several years, up until the summer of [[2008]], Chris hung out there on a regular basis, going there every Friday without fail to play the ''[[Pokémon]]'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' [[card games]]. The shop hosted the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon_Organized_Play#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG_Leagues|''Pokémon TCG'' League]], where Chris served as a self-proclaimed volunteer gym leader (though he was not endorsed in any way, and was largely simply tolerated by the store).

After a long period of scaring off customers and being a confrontational douche, Chris was permanently kicked out of the store by one of the managers, [[Michael Snyder]], on 28 [[August 2008]]. Since then, Chris has attempted several times to regain access to the store, to no avail thanks to Michael's insistence.

==People of Note==
Chris originally met [[Megan Schroeder]] at The GAMe PLACe in [[2005]], where they bonded over their shared interest in ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' Megan continued to hang out at the shop even after her friendship with Chris [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|collapsed]] in the spring of [[2008]], although their relationship by that point was strained to say the least. Once she broke off all contact with Chris, she did her best to ignore him entirely when they were at the store at the same time.

The other two best-known patrons of the shop, aside from Chris himself, are [[Daniel Mimms]] and [[Lucas]]. The two friends are the primary source of most of what is known about Chris's behavior at The GAMe PLACe (and most of the information in this article), which they revealed during a detailed [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] on the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC forums]]. They're also famous for having taken and uploaded the first photograph of Chris to reach the Internet, which Mimms snapped and Lucas uploaded to [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] in the fall of [[2007]].

[[Michael Snyder]], one of the store's managers (he isn't the owner, though he's sometimes mistakenly described as such) would eventually become one of Chris's real-life nemeses when he kicked Chris out of the store in the summer of 2008.<ref name=ban>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Chris.27s_ban_from_the_store|Mimms' and Lucas' Q&A: Chris's ban from the store.]]</ref>

==Chris's Attitude at The GAMe PLACe==
{{quote|Chris would rarely ever shake anyone's hand after a game, and when he did, he quickly followed up with hand sanitizer.|[[Mimms]]}}
[[Image:Sonichupunch.jpg|thumb|left|Chris acting his age.]]
[[Image:TonyTyAndBriana.jpg|thumb|Some regulars.]]
In his early days at The GAMe PLACe, Chris's behavior seems to have been more "childlike", for lack of a better word. According to Mimms, who was a regular at the store for the entire time Chris hung out there, Chris avoided using foul language when he first started gaming at the store.<ref name=homo>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Racism_and_homophobia|Mimms and Lucas Q&A: Racism and Homophobia]]</ref> He also never failed to show up for ''Pokémon'' games in his old [[Chris and cosplaying|Ash Ketchum costume]].

The costume was eventually retired, however (by the time of the 2007 photo, Chris was showing up in his usual colorful clown shirts and sporting the [[Sonichu medallion]]), and Chris's behavior grew more aggressive and vulgar over the years. According to Mimms and Lucas, Chris often became angry at his card-game opponents, even small children. An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_pissed_that_Chris_is_nosing_in_her_business|October 2007 e-mail]] from Megan mentions an incident where Chris was extremely threatening and insulting to a guy whom he thought was putting the moves on his gal-pal.

Mimms recounted a few instances of Chris displaying his dislike and distrust of black people. He was openly suspicious of the young black kids he played ''Pokémon'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' with, apparently because he thought they were going to make off with his cards.<ref name=mimms1>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Initial_post|Mimms & Lucas Q&A: Initial Post]]</ref> Chris also nearly managed to earn himself a beating from an older black gamer by the name of TJ:

{{quote|Chris yells at him, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" and TJ stands up like he's going to beat his ass. Chris shrinks back and and says "I mean your face-down monster..."|Mimms, [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]}}

Likewise, Chris's homophobia occasionally surfaced while he was hanging out at the shop. A [[gay]] regular at the shop by the name of Eric was the target of mockery and threats from Chris (although Mimms noted that, for obvious reasons, Chris wasn't likely to ever do him any great physical harm).<ref name=homo/> Chris also assumed that two of the shop's regulars were gay because they happened to exchange a few jokingly romantic remarks — his literal mind took that as proof that they were a couple.<ref name=homo/>

==Chris the [[card games|TCG]] Gamer==
[[Image:409-CWCWeekP3.jpg|thumb|Chris stares down his youthful opponent.]]
{{quote|Chris was pretty awful at all the games he played.|Mimms, summing up Chris.<ref name=mimms2>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Follow_up|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref>}}
Though he apparently spent plenty of money buying new cards at the store<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Chris_as_a_customer|Mimms and Lucas Q&A: Chris as a Customer]]</ref> and built them into a sizable collection of themed decks, Chris didn't have any aptitude for deck-building or strategy in the ''Pokémon'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' trading card games. Even when playing against small children, he rarely won games or advanced in tournaments, although Mimms recounts one occasion where Chris managed to win a match on a day when most of the regular players were absent, and proudly hollered "I'M THE LEVEL-UP KING!"<ref name=mimms2/>

Chris often declares that he was a gym leader in the store's ''Pokémon'' league (an older player who manages tournaments, keeps track of wins and losses, and so forth). It's mentioned on his [[Chris's resume|resume]], for instance, and he talks about it in the [[Father Call]]. However, his memory has apparently inflated his role considerably. "He wasn't actually a gym leader," says Mimms, but rather a substitute who took the place of the regular gym leader on a few occasions. He also wasn't very good at the job, reportedly becoming angry and snapping at the players he was supposed to be taking care of.<ref name=mimms2/> This earned him his first ban from the store, lasting two weeks, which, according to Lucas, began on 4 April 2008.<ref name=ban/>

To Chris's very slight credit, Mimms says he did resist using his custom ''Pokémon'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' cards in actual games.<ref name=mimms1/> Mimms and Lucas also noted that he played the [[Card games#UFS_(Ultimate_Fighting_System)_TCG|''Universal Fighting System'' card game]], often playing "bimbo" characters such as Cassandra from the ''[[Soul Calibur]]'' series and [[CWC Fighter|Chun-Li]].

==The GAMe PLACe Photograph==
[[Image:Chrischannov2007.jpg|thumb|right|Blurry because [[Mimms]] was trying to be covert.]]
In the fall of 2007, Chris discovered the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page devoted to him. There, he also discovered a blurry photograph of himself, which had been taken and posted to 4chan by Mimms and Lucas respectively.

Though he'd already pretty thoroughly blown a gasket over the ED page, Chris went even crazier trying to discover the identity of the photographer. In an e-mail to [[Anna McLerran]] from [[November 2007]], he mentions pestering the staff of The GAMe PLACe to go through their anti-theft camera footage to find out who had taken the photo.<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2007#November|Chris E-mails: November 2007]]</ref> Unsurprisingly, they weren't very cooperative. According to Mimms, Chris complained about the photo and the ED page so loudly and frequently at the store that the management eventually threatened to kick him out if he didn't stop.

Chris also complained to his mother, who apparently became as angry or more so. At one point, early in November, Chris's parents visited the store and interrogated Mimms as to the origin of the photo. After Mimms admitted that he had snapped the picture (but feigned ignorance as to how it found its way onto the Internet), they threatened to take legal action, but never actually did so.<ref name=mimms2/>

Chris's "investigations" continued on and off for months after he originally found the picture. In an e-mail to Megan (sent in [[March 2008]] and oddly situated in-between desperate apologies for the porn he drew of her), he recounts an indirect confrontation with Lucas at [[GameStop]] on 8 March.

{{quote|So it brought up to mind my first word being "Monkey", so I told Mimms that. And with a turn around towards the accompanying Lucas, I said in his direction, "Well, that's something new you didn't know about 'be-4' about this 'Chan'." I noticed a look on his face like, "Wow, I can totally wail on that tidbit of information." He said nothing.|Chris's idea of subtlety, from the [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_emails_her_some_detective_work.2C_Megan_likely_doesn.27t_give_a_shit|Megan e-mails]].}}

Later, Lucas gave his own interesting take on the story.

{{quote|The funniest part about that is that I have no recollection of him saying that to me whatsoever. I had no idea I was even a suspect until I saw that e-mail.|Lucas, [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Trolling_Chris_at_the_Game_Place|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]}}

==Chris gets The Boot==
Chris's behavior offended the store's management in a number of ways. Aside from punting his gym leader duties, scaring the small children he played card games with, picking fights with other players, and generally being a racist and homophobic creep, he would truck his video game consoles into The GAMe PLACe and take over the shop's flat-screen TV for considerable amounts of time, loudly sing along to [[Britney Spears]] during games, pitch fits inspired by his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] in public, and so on.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref>

The trigger for his permanent ban in [[August 2008]] was a shouting match with a young black kid. That particular incident was merely the straw that broke the camel's back, though "Mike was looking for any reason to ban him at this point," says Mimms.<ref name=mimms1/>

Predictably, Chris did his best to resist getting kicked out of the store. He brought his parents in to argue his case with Michael Snyder, to which Michael responded by calling the [[police]]. Despite a fierce response from [[Barbara Chandler]], Chris and his family failed to move either Michael or the cops, and every indication is that Chris will never be allowed back into the store.<ref name=mimms1/>

In the [[Jackie e-mails]], Chris offers his own chronology and version of events. There, he claims that he was thrown out of the store much earlier than Mimms indicates, in June 2008. The so-called "Wii Incident", according to Chris, was when Michael Snyder forced Chris to stop bogarting the TV for his Wii. Doing this apparently caused a number of children to miss out on obtaining a few trade-only evolution Pokémon. Chris got angry and wrote a letter, sign, or simply scrawled a note on the side of a card box stating "Michael Snyder Loves the 'Fiddlesticks' out of Mary Lee Walsh." This, Chris claimed, was Michael's last straw and he booted him then.

According to the [[CWCipedia]] article for [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megan_Schroeder Megan Schroeder], Chris claims that Megan was there the day he was banned and claimed that she just stood there in shock, refusing to speak up for him. In reality, of course, she was simply disgusted by his behavior like any rational person would have been and relieved that his being kicked out of the store would be the last time Chris would ever be in her sight.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megan_Schroeder</ref> Also, she refused to defend Chris not because of shock, but because of his sexual harassment, [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|destruction of her dignity]], anger issues, and overall immaturity, ultimately cementing the fact that nobody wants Chris to ever return to the store.

In February 2011, Chris released the third part of his Autism Tutorial, in which he shared that he still feels bitter over his banning. In his words: "And I also hope that the Game and Hobby Place in Charlottesville... burns to the ground! Along with Michael Snyder!"

==Unbanning Attempts==
[[Image:Episode200Comment.PNG|thumb|Chris recounts flipping Michael Snyder the bird.]]
Chris has repeatedly attempted to overcome his ban and gain readmission to the store. As mentioned in [[Chris_E-mails_2008#July|a July 2008 e-mail]], Chris sent a letter to Michael Snyder shortly after his initial one-month ban. In [[March 2009]], he attempted to apologize in the best way he knew how: [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|posting a video to YouTube on the off-chance the individual addressed would see it.]] This was [[Chris and remorse|not the most sincere apology in the world]], since Chris made it clear in a [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|later video]] that he doesn't really understand why he was thrown out in the first place. A month later, in [[April 2009]], Chris attempted to sneak into the store, but when a cashier recognized him and caught him, Chris ran.

Almost two years after his initial ban from The GAMe PLACe Chris would try again to get the ban lifted. Chris's conversations with Jackie reveal that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church on 11 [[April 2010]]. When one of the cashiers saw Chris and recognized him, he threatened to call the cops. Chris got angry and bolted. The next day, Chris visited the store again to talk to Michael Snyder in an attempt to have the ban removed. However, the visit did not turn out in Chris's favor, as [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|the audio from the incident]] shows. Michael refused to revoke the ban (later noting on YouTube, that Chris was actually reading the apology from a pre-written script<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comment by Mike.]</ref>) and Chris took this about as well as could be expected; he flipped Michael off,<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWq4pB_Vikw YouTube comment by Chris.]</ref> yelled "JEW!" at him, and left the store in a huff. [[Chris and the law|The police were called]] about the incident, according to Mimms, but Chris was already long gone by the time they arrived; whether the police's involvement will continue remains to be seen.

Later that day, Chris uploaded the audio of the incident to [[YouTube]], accompanied by a description soliciting harassment and "trolling" of Michael and his fellow employees. However, it was removed from the site in a matter of hours due to a "Terms of Use Violation". Considering [[Chris and race|Chris's antisemitic remark]] directed at Michael, his invitation for others to harass him, and the possibly illegal nature of the recording, it's easy to see why it was pulled.

Chris has never fully understood why he was kicked out of the store. According to Mimms, Chris didn't see what was wrong with his behavior at the time,<ref name=ban/> and he evidently hasn't reflected on the subject much in the intervening years. During the April 2010 visit to the store, the only possible grounds for his ban he could remember was the aforementioned "Wii Incident". Later, when he posted an ad on CWCipedia complaining about Snyder's refusal to lift the ban, Chris appeared to believe that the store manager refused to let him in because he hated him personally and [[Kick the Autistic|people with autism in general]].

In [[October 2010]], Chris made [[100 2261.MOV|yet another request]] to be readmitted. Wearing an ancient ''Pokémon'' League T-shirt, he apologized for his behavior and said that the ban was his fault, blaming the whole thing on his infamous "[[stress]]". He also claimed to have only "shouted a loud outburst" twice. Mike was unmoved.

With Chris's continued failure to overturn the ban, it is clear that his chances of winning entry to The GAMe PLACe are almost as remote as the chances of his [[duck]] entering [[China]].

==The Charlottesville Incident==
On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris visited The GAMe PLACe. [[6 June 2010|He claimed]] that he wanted to take a photograph of Snyder to use as a dartboard, but when Snyder saw him with his camera outside, he chased Chris. Chris claimed that he tried to drive away, but was accosted by Snyder, his daughter, and the police. Snyder's version was more succinct:

{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by [[jerkop|the police]]. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his [[car]]. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.}}

The police listened to Chris rant about the trolls for a while and eventually sent him home with a warning. Chris did not tell his parents anything and it would be [[Matthew Noble call|two months]] before they would learn about it.

==Chris's Parents and The GAMe PLACe==
A [[Matthew Noble call|phone conversation]] recorded in early [[August 2010]] reveals many more details about the odd attitude that Bob and Barb Chandler hold towards The GAMe PLACe. During the discussion, they evidence a total ignorance of how Chris behaved at the store and why he was banned. Barb shows signs of still holding a grudge over her visit to the store after Chris's final ban, while Bob suggests that he believes that the trolling of Chris somehow originates from a conspiracy at the store.

{{quote|Mike and Megan are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people — kids there that I think were gay — to persecute and torment Christian for years.|Bob Chandler, on the GAMe PLACe conspiracy.}}

Bob does not explain why Mike, Megan, and the "gay kids" (likely a reference to Eric and Tito<ref>Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Racism and homophobia</ref>) would create this grand conspiracy against Chris, but he goes as far as to accuse them of fraudulently obtaining access to Chris's credit cards and bank accounts. [[Best Buy|Data]] uncovered a month later shows that Chris wasted shit tons of money on PlayStation Network cards and games he won't play in the future, resulting in further debt and an excuse to blame Snyder and the trolls for stealing his credit cards.

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.thegameplace.com/ Official Website]

{{Places}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Game Place}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Kacey Call 9

2011-03-17T07:29:41Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ another ten mintues

3 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] says he's okay being just friends. However, one second later, he says that [[Kacey]] telling him they're just friends is like "stabbing him in the heart".
*Chris: "When I feel love, I feel da happy tingling, I feel happy, elated and ecstatic".
*Chris nervously asks if Kacey has ever drank [[alcohol]], apparently Chris briefly drank a lot but now he only drinks "socially".
*Chris is confused and disappointed that Kacey still has feelings for [[Liquid Chris]]. Chris understands because he had strong feelings for girls in the past, but they were all [[trolls]] or they [[death|died]].
*Kacey questions how Chris can be in love with so many girls.
*Chris gets mad about getting his [[PSN]] accounts hacked. Kacey points out that he's way more passionate about that than about those girls.
*Chris angrily recounts his one date with [[Faeryn]] and how she told him "I'm just not into you", and she totally "said that out of nowhere". Kacey asks what went wrong. Chris: "Maybe I did touch her a few times... but this was before I met you!" Kacey gets Chris to describe Faeryn, probably trying to get him to call her fat. He describes her as heavyset and a "wild fun one."
*Chris needs more "guy friends" to hang out with, Chris says he never socialized with guys growing up. Kacey says it's "kinda gay" that he only had [[gal pals|female friends]], so he backpedals and says that he had some male buddies growing up and they "hung out like straight men".
*Chris says that his autism makes it so he can't make any friends that are guys. Kacey says that Chris is bullshitting.
*Kacey says he was probably "too girly" for the other guys. Chris says he has done "boy things" such as playing soccer, volleyball, and football in [[high school]].
*Chris blames his [[autism]], his [[father]], and other males for his not having male friends.
*Kacey says women are way more evil than men. Chris says "that's stupid," then goes on to say that he knows more about women than Kacey due to [[TV]].
*Kacey asks if Chris has ever started a fight, Chris says he needs to "ponder about it" for a bit. He then says yes, with his father.
*Chris argues with his father a lot, gets pretty angry when talking about it.
*Kacey asks for a story, and Chris starts whining and raising his voice about his memory and how Kacey is asking too much of him.
*"I don't remember spoken words or what I've said".
*Chris says he's never started a physical fight, but he totally fought back when people beat on him
*Some kid punched Chris on the bus and knocked his glasses off. HE KNOCKED HIS [[glasses|GLASSES]] OFF. The fight was caused because Chris wanted to get off the bus before another kid.
*Chris claims he fought back (note that he tells a different version of this story to [[Jackie]] one year later).
*After this fight he got put on the Special Ed Bus, where some kid named Tony would tap him on the head and spit on him.
*Chris wouldn't move seats because he didn't want to find a new seat from what he would choose every day. "IT WAS MY CONSTANT ROUTINE THAT I RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS IN THE FRONT SEAT"
*Chris starts raising his voice and Kacey threatens to hang up.
*The "Special Aid Worker" on the bus didn't help Chris, Chris didn't like her because "she was all butch" and would raise her voice to Chris.
*Kacey suggests for him to type his stories up and to put them on [[CWCipedia]]. Chris thinks if the trolls hear about this they will mock him for it, but then says he'll think about it.
*Chris gets stressed out and asks permission to get off the phone.

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris. It’s Kacey. How are ya?
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace. I’m okay. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. Just tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Long day at work.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh… [unintelligible] I fairly much-I fairly much got over what happened last night. And uh… you know, I’m still-I’m still gonna be friends with you. I just want to let you know about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you get over it? What do you mean by that?
 '''Chris:''' C’mon, didn’t you get the email I sent you last night?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I did. You told me to watch some movies. I already did, and I was like, I don’t get it.
 '''Chris:''' Telling somebody you’re gonna be – telling somebody whose hopeful expectations of something better than being just friends [unintelligible] just friends forever. That’s like stabbing him-that’s like stabbing him in the back or in the heart.
 '''Kacey:''' And you think that trying to push attentions on somebody who’s in love with someone else isn’t like stabbing them in the heart?
 '''Chris:''' I did not say that and I did not… I…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you just can’t predict the future and you can’t force things on people, like I just want you to respect how I feel right now. I mean, actions speak louder than words. I mean… just, right now… I mean, I’m not saying I know what’s gonna happen, but you can’t wither. I mean… just, right now it’s like, you’ve gotta understand what I’m going through.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And for you to go behind my back and tell people that I’m gonna be your girlfriend… I mean, just, you know… you would ruin anything you could’ve had anyway. Just, right now is not the time, and you need to respect that. I’m not saying that I hate you or anything. I’m just saying… no.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, do you not understand how much pain I’m going through?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do understand. I do understand, you know? Yeah, the guy… he left you…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I don’t think you do. I mean, do you… do you even know what love is? What is love to you?
 '''Chris:''' Love, to me, is like a lot of things. It’s complicated to talk about, like most anybody else would, but you know, when I feel love, it’s like I feel… I feel the tingle-I feel the happy tingling and I feel happy, elated, ecstatic… and the-and it just feels-it just feels really really good. And I still…
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but love is pain too, you know, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, love is just intensity.
 '''Chris:''' Love is intensity?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes. I mean, it could go either way. It’s not always good and it’s not always bad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Actually, I understand that. Mmm… yeah, anyway… uh… I don’t really have much on my mind right now. Actually, I do have one question I had-I did want to ask you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' It may not be appropriate, but… yeah. Have you ever… drank? You know, alcoholic beverages.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I have. I’m over twenty-one.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I had my celebratory twenty-first birthday dinner at least. I mean, I don’t drink a lot, but… I-I have had drinks. Why do you ask?
 '''Chris:''' I was just wondering, cause yeah, you know, I’ve had-I’ve had some myself and I don’t drinky as much either. [pause] I mean, it’s like, you know… uh… you know, at first I-I did more-did more often, because, you know, it just felt good, but then I realized that’s how bad it was. And then I-and then I stayed of it and I don’t do it as much.
 '''Kacey:''' I-it’s not that bad if you do it in moderation. I mean, one drink won’t kill you or anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, one drink in a d-one drink in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you can have more than one drink, it’s just that you don’t want to get to the point where it rules you, where like, you always have to have a drink.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I don’t-I don’t feel like I have to have a drink every day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Cause, you know, I’ll drink socially.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-yeah, most people are social drinkers.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I just wanted to ask. Get that question out of the way.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, umm… yeah, okay. So, you’re still having feelings for… uh… for Chris, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I did. I was-I was gonna marry him. I mean, I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but … I fell for him really hard. I mean, you don’t know much pain I am-I’m in. I-I-It sucks that I can’t even see him, that I can’t hear him, that I can’t even touch him. I mean, i-it sucks. It hurts.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me before, you know. It’s like, you know, I had high expectations myself. You know, yeah, with the-with the women I talked to one at a time, of course you know, with them. And they either-they either turn out to be trolls or they died.
 '''Kacey:''' O-or they died?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Like… uh… Sarah Jackson for one was in an auto-automobile accident between her car and a truck. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie was involved in that brushfire last-brushfire last January.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote love?[pause]
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I do not-I have not kept count, but I’m talking about, like you know, yeah, w-we have actually talked to each other for a standard amount of time… and then they-and then they-either they turn out to be trolls or they died. [pause] And this is over the internet, by the way, like it happened between last-between last august and… uh…
 '''Kacey:''' Would you really call that love though? I mean, if you can go in and out of it so easily?
 '''Chris:''' I felt it. I felt it and I still feel for those-for those lost hearts, especially the ones…
 '''Kacey:''' For all of them?
 '''Chris:''' Well, the ones that died. I-I can’t really say that I have positive emotions, you know, for that thirteen-year-old brat who pretended to be a twenty-year-one… twenty-one-year-old girl for two… two-three… two-three months. So, [mutters incoherently] …was the first one that got into my Playstation Network account and conned me-and he con-and that little brat conned me out of so much DLC and even the [unintelligible] version of Burnout Paradise when it was just twenty dollars. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, uh… I guess that would make you angry.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you just seem-you just seem more worked up about the video games than you do talking about love though. I mean, look at-look at the passion you showed, and then I asked you about love and you’re like “whatever.”
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' I think… that’s just not cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you’re right. It’s not. I mean, it’s just that I never learned love beyond… c’mon… it’s like, you know, I never even had my first date up until a few weeks ago, when I-when I went out on that one date.
 '''Kacey:''' W-with who again?
 '''Chris:''' I only-I only out with one date-on one date in my lifetime and that was with Faeryn [mutters incoherently] a month-a couple- a month or two ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, was she pretty?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she was pretty, but after-but after one date, she was like “Oh, I’m not into you.” And then she just broke it-and then she just broke it with me like that. I mean, I was not-I did not feel the pain immediately, because I did have-because I did have one, and this was at the Apple-we had our date at the Applebee’s. You know, it was a Monday night?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I had one. But, it’s like, you know, her-it’s like, the emotions didn’t get me right away, but then… y’know, after I sober… uh… after a while, I sobered up and then it all-then it all…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, if you weren’t sober, did you do anything inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what?
 '''Kacey:''' You said that you weren’t sober. Did you do anything in the date that was inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, yeah, maybe I did touch her a few times.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, but this was-this was before I met you. This was before I met you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you should know that anyway, you’re twenty-seven.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… you know, it’s just common sense. Well, I mean… um… since you said she was pretty… uh… what did she look like?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. You saw the picture. Remember that trading card I gave to Kim?
 '''Kacey:''' O-oh, that was her?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, in the-in the second half of the heart-shaped balloon. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… I-I really don’t remember that well. I-I mean, it’s like, I just kind of looked at Kim’s picture, cause you remember, I just commented on that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you did.
 '''Kacey:''' So, so… uh… maybe you could re-describe her for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she heav-yeah, she was a heavy-set girl. Kind of a redhead. Short, short hair. Uh… I think she was about your height. Uh, no wait. I’m sorry. She was a little bit taller. Um… [pause] yeah, she was-she was like… uh… she was-she was a wild, fun one, kind of. She worked at a book sto-she works at a book store over at the downtown mall.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. Cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, all the details, I can’t remember off the top of my head, but the point it is… end-end of date num-at end of date number one, she just told me “I was not at all that into me-all that into you.” She was not all that into…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] What prompted her to say that? Did she just say that out of nowhere? Or did you-did you… proposition her? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she pretty much said that out of nowhere.
 '''Kacey:''' That seems odd. Well, if she would do something like that, she probably wasn’t very nice to begin with. I mean, I don’t do that when I meet guys. I don’t go up to the m and go, “By the way, I don’t like you!”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I agree with you. [pause] But, you know, the point is though, I do-I do get lonely a lot, especially during night-during the nighttime, when I’m not talking to anybody.
 '''Kacey:''' Well… uh… maybe you should go out and get some friends, like I, you know, suggested.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim and I were just talking about that. Yeah, need to make more-need-need some more guy friend-need more guy friends to hang out with.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, yeah. That’s definitely good. You definitely should.
 ''Chris:''' Mmm… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Some boys nights out.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, Kim can tell you more about what we talked about in that conversation. But, yeah, it’s not that easy…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, why can’t you?
 '''Chris:''' Why can’t I make guy friends? Well…
 '''Kacey:''' No, why can’t you tell me? I mean, should I get my information from Kim?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can’t ‘member all the details. I can tell you what I remember.
 '''Kacey:''' No, that-that’s fine. Just… um…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… anyway, it’s like, you know, yeah. I just basically-I just never cared for guys that much and… uh… I didn’t-I rarely socialized with guy-with men-with boys grow-growing up. Mostly-I mostly socialized with girls.
 '''Kacey:''' D-don’t… okay. I mean, I don’t see why. If you-if you get friends with someone, it doesn’t really matter what gender they are. I mean, it seems like you’re being kind of biased, for no reason. I mean, that’s kinda gay.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' Look, most guys who have a lot of girlfriends would be like that. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… uh… well, I mean, I will admit, I did have a few-I did have a few buddies in my-I did have a few buddies in my lifetime. But, yeah. But, it’s like, you know, they… came-they came and gone. You know. But, you know, we hung out like-like-like a coup-couple of-like straight men, you know. It was okay. But, any-but, anyway, most-anyway, other than that… uh… I just never really-rrreally socialized with men as much as I did with women. Uh… boys…
 '''Kacey:''' But, like I said, i-it feels like you did that because… you’re… biased. Not because the guys weren’t-were really mean or anything.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well-yeah, think about this, though. I mean, this way like, all growing up, this-this is go-this is going on. My neighborhood consisted mostly of young girls. [stammers] …we were the same age. You know, we played together and all that. And, you know… [pause, sound of clock ticking, mutter incoherently] …I had more gal pals than I did… dude-than I did dude buddies.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean… what about in school? There had to be way more guys in school you could interact with.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did-I did talk-I did- I told ya, I made-I had a few buddies in high-between the school life… but the point is, you know, yeah. I did not-I just did not have that many guy friends. [pause] It just never happened for me.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean, but was it because… of you, your biasness, or just because… I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' I would say it would contribute to my autism. You know…
 '''Kacey:''' Autism doesn’t make you hate genders, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [yelling] Oh, forget about genders! It’s like, you know I rarely talk to pe-autistic people rarely talk to other people, and they rarely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s bullshit, you know that, right?
 '''Chris:''' [sighs]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, yes, they have social problems, but… I mean, you’re talking to me now. I have experience with this. Don’t try to bullshit me and play that card.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, but I’m just saying, it’s like, you know… it was more… It’s like, okay, growing up I had the girls in the neighborhood. I was introduced to the girls and they were nice to me, they were friendly to me, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, and who’s to say the guys wouldn’t be? Maybe you just didn’t do a lot of guy things. Maybe you were too girly for them or something. Cause that’s the only way I could see, like, little boys picking on another boy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I have do-I have done boy things. I’ve played sports.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' You know, like basketball, volleyball, baseball…
 '''Kacey:''' Volleyball’s not really I guy-sport. That’s really a girl-sport.
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Soccer! Soccer. I’ve played a foot-I’ve played a little football.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, then you should’ve been able to talk to lots of, you know, other boys your age. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and all consider this: my father, he just constantly picked and picked on my nerves. He calls it teach me how to spaaaaar argumentatively and in talking. He just-he just called it that excuse. But, because of like, you know, he has to put it in that sense… it just, pretty much, paints a very sharp-very sharp, high-definition picture in my head about how boys would likely…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s just your dad, Chris! That doesn’t represent every male in society. Maybe he’s just trying to be your father. Maybe he’s just trying to teach you something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still, I mean like, you know… and also, I have watched television and I have often seen…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, we’ve talked about this. Television does not equal real life. You can’t use it as a basis.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, you definitely find in real life that… uh… men often do pick fights, in real life.
 '''Kacey:''' No! Women pick more fights than men do. It’s what women do. I mean… you’ve gotta be kidding. Haven’t you ever heard of a catfight?
 '''Chris:''' I’ve heard catfights.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, women are way more evil, of the two genders, I promise you.
 '''Chris:''' Now that’s-now that’s stupid. No, no, no…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not stupid at all! [chuckles] Obviously, you haven’t been around women enough. I mean, I’m a woman, I would know these things.
 '''Chris:''' I have been around woman a lot in my lifetime, believe me. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, I just don’t think you could speak for that unless you’re a woman, and you’re not a woman, are you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I am not.
 '''Kacey:''' Then you wouldn’t really know, now would you?
 '''Chris:''' I guess that-would not know, I’m not a mind reader. [pause, belches] Excuse me.
 '''Kacey:''' You’re excused. But, I mean, I, yeah, I think Kim’s right. I think you should go out and get some more guy friends.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, okay, you’re a guy too. Have you ever started a fight?
 '''Chris:''' L-let me ponder about that… that would be diving into my memories, right there.
 '''Kacey:''' H-how can you ponder about it? You’ve either started a fight or you haven’t. If you’re saying “all guys start fights,” then you should’ve.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, okay, well, I have-I have started fights, in retrospect. In return, I have picked on my father’s nerves, and gotten to start argument-and started fights with him.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, how?
 '''Chris:''' You know-you know, it’s like, you know… I don’t know. It’s… like a current topic that comes up… I just… I don’t know, I just… find a nerve-I just randomly find a nerve that he’s bothered about and… uh… it’s like, you know, I end up picking on that and then he-and then he raises his voice at me, and then we get into an argument.
 '''Kacey:''' You know, that sounds like stuff women do, but can you give me an example?
 '''Chris:''' [high-pitched yelling] I… just gave you an example!
 '''Kacey:''' You didn’t give me a real one, like you didn’t tell me like, what you said.
 '''Chris:''' [still frustrated] Well, I don’t remember all the audio details.
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t remember any details.
 '''Chris:''' I do. I remember…
 '''Kacey:''' Don’t raise your voice at me.
 '''Chris:''' I remember-I remember details. It’s just, they’re mostly photographic. I can’t-it’s like, you know, I don’t ‘member spoken words or what I said.
 '''Kacey:''' Pho… [sighs] never mind.
 '''Chris:''' But, ye- I mean, but, yeah, it’s like, you know, when it really sinks in, I can-I can remember what was said. When it really sinks in.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, okay, have you ever started a physical fight, like you accuse other boys of doing? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I can honestly say I have not started a physical fight, even though I was physically beat on myself a few times in my life.
 '''Kacey:''' Did you swing back? I mean, did you do anything? [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did fi-I did fight back. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' When? Like, do you know of a time when you did that?

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?frfx699g1akern5 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 10]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 9

2011-03-15T02:28:52Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ up to the ten-minute mark

Kacey Call 9

2011-03-11T08:04:08Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ first few minutes

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T18:14:45Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ page clean up

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 '''Kacey:''' Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 '''Chris:''' Umm…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 '''Chris:''' Hmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 '''Chris:''' [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 '''Kacey:''' T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:'' I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 '''Kacey:''' No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 '''Chris:''' [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 '''Chris:''' Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 '''Kacey:''' But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' And then…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 '''Kacey:''' But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 '''Kacey:''' Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 '''Chris:''' Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 '''Kacey:''' In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 '''Kacey:''' Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Well…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 '''Chris:''' [chuckles]
 '''Kacey:''' Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 '''Chris:''' [mutters incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 '''Chris:''' No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why were you looking up these laws?
 '''Chris:''' I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 '''Chris:''' At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why would you even be looking it up?
 '''Chris:'' I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 '''Kacey:''' Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 '''Kacey:''' Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 '''Kacey:''' WHAT?! What?!
 '''Chris:''' [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 '''Kacey:''' You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 '''Chris:''' [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that?
 '''Chris:''' No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' [sighs]
 '''Chris:''' I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 '''Kacey:''' Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 '''Chris:''' Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm… [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 '''Kacey:''' Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe that… is… part of your sexual drive. I mean, you should feel pleasure from it.
 '''Chris:''' I did for a long time and then… I don’t know. It’s like, you know, my body got used to it.
 '''Kacey:''' So you feel nothing now?
 '''Chris:''' No, I- No, I do- I do feel it, like you know, when I’m near a woman, I definitely feel it then. And sometimes…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] “Near a woman?” I thought you were a virgin.
 '''Chris:''' [clearly frustrated] I am a virgin! I’ve never had sex!
 '''Kacey:''' Okay then, what-what do you mean by “near a woman?” I mean, obviously, I don’t think you mean you do that near… a woman.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no. I meant- I meant- [stutters “I meant” several more times] Oh, oh crap! [yelling] I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore! [exhales]
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, just calm down. I mean, don’t raise your voiced at me. [chuckles] We should be adults and be able to have a civil conversation about this.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… I gave you respect though. I moved the phone away from my head when I shouted.
 '''Kacey:''' I appreciate it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I’m just sayin’, I just felt- I just felt under pressure. And considering the social anxi- considering the socialness and…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I thought you were comfortable with me.
 '''Chris:''' I am comfortable with you, but I’m just sayin’, like you know during a long time where I didn’t- where it was just me and I was just lurching toward a woman[?] or any woman who was willing to give…
 '''Kacey:''' I think maybe you’re holding that to a standard that you’re never gonna be able to accomplish, like… I think that you’re holding it to a standard to where, if you actually get it, you’re going to be disappointed. I-I mean, y-you need to lower the bar a little bit. I mean, maybe you need some friends. Maybe you just need to get out there more. Maybe join a singles’ group or something.
 '''Chris:''' I-I’m not even sure if- I’m not even sure if that would be good for me, or waitaminute… Maybe I messed up. I don’t know. [pause] I feel confused.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know, being confused is nothing to be ashamed of. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, stress and confusion are a bad combination.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess, but you need to be able to keep them in check and to get through them. That’s part of being an adult is pushing through everything, cause you’re gonna be stressed , you’re gonna be confused. It’s gonna happen, but what’s gonna matter is what you do to push through that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean yeah, like sex isn’t going… to… solve all your problems. It’s just not. It’s not gonna make everything magically better. In fact, sex opens so many doors, it can cause problems, especially emotional problems. I mean, cause then you’re… that’s as involved as you can get with somebody and if you’re not ready for it, it’s going to cause a lot of shit. Like, don’t you think I wish I had waited now? I mean, look at everything that’s happened to me. I wish I waited.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you know, I’ve heard… uh… I’ve heard in places where… you know, if you… I’m sure if you talk to your church- your pastor at your church… uh… I think there’s…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris. Chris. I know you’re talking about Born Again Virgins. That’s a load of bullshit. That’s- that’s trendy teen shit that they do to make you feel better, but it doesn’t erase the fact that you’ve done it. I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to keep that between you and God. But, I mean, just because…
 '''Chris:''' Okay, it’s just, I heard that on television is all. I remember hearing it on an episode of King of the Hill. I’m just throwing it out there.
 '''Kacey:''' Once again, Chris, that’s a comedy a TV… you can’t… they were fun of it. They were making fun of people who think Born Again Virgins really makes them pure. No. You still did it. That’s still your mistake and you’re gonna have those emotional scars all your life… or the memories, even. I mean… it doesn’t… make you… anything. You’re still you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you’re not having fun, even, you know, doing it yourself, maybe sex isn’t for you right now. Maybe you just need companionship. I think you’re confusing sex with companionship.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh… so many things I’m confusing. You know, [unintelligible]I used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s weird, but I don’t know what that has to do with this situation. You shouldn’t keep changing the subject like that.
 '''Chris:''' I know. I’m just saying, you know, talking about confusion. I’m just saying, I’ve confused things before.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Confused people before.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, but that’s a little… that’s a little different than this. This is confusing… um… terms and… ideas, like… I-I don’t know. Just- I think what you need is companionship and friends. I mean, your putting sex on this pedestal and people who do that get sorely disappointed. And, I mean, what happens if you do it and then you- you regret it? Y-you should definitely wait until you find someone that you know. That you absolutely know. And it’s not gonna be on the third date. [pause] 
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you’ve even said it’s not fun. I mean, maybe deep down, what you want isn’t sexual-type fun, just, you know, being with other people.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… let me rewind- let me rewind on that topic. Um… actually, lately I have rea- I have been actually been able to enjoy it… you know, masturbation. I’ve actually been able to enjoy it, because you know, I’ve actually had a girl to put in my head… in my head to fantasize doin’ that with. For a long time I have been doin’ it, you know, where I did not have a woman to fantasize that with. And then eventu- and then eventually that wind out to be no fun. And then… and actually, you know… uh… yeah. Then-then I start talking to girls on the internet. And then, you know, from the pictures they sent me, that starts to get a little more fun and then they wind out. Then I got no fun and it was like a yo-yo thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe that’s your body’s way of saying that you’re just being lustful, and that that’s why it stops being fun, because there’s no emotional… there’s nothing emotional about it. Like, sex should just be physical. It should be emotional and physical.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I actually did feel emotions for those girls… b-before they left me or I found out they were trolls.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I can’t help you with that. You’ve gotta be more careful with that. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve learned from- I’ve learned from my past. I’ve learned from my mistakes.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean- I mean, if I guess you do it now, if you have someone you think of now, are you emotionally attached to that person?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can honestly say I do feel emotionally attached.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. [pause] Well, maybe you should concentrate on being that person’s… friend… and, you know, getting to know them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you can’t just go straight to that. I mean, I happy it’s working out for you. That’s good. That’s a good sign. But, it shouldn’t be all about that.
 '''Chris:''' I understand, and I will con- and I will continue to think about… yeah. Maintaining friendship, and then let it all come.
 '''Kacey:''' But, what happens if it never comes?
 '''Chris:''' Then I guess it just doesn’t. I mean, it just- that depends upon… uh… my friend, who’s been like an angel to me feels at that time. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean- I mean, that’s it, but I mean, you’ve gotta be prepared. I mean… I don’t know. Just, you know. Just, this isn’t the way to go about it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I hear you. [pause] I hear you and I appreciate it- I appreciate it all.
 '''Kacey:''' [chuckles] You’re welcome.
 '''Chris:''' The guidance.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I just want what’s best for you.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you’re a great friend and I hope nothing changes.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… hmm… yeah, thank you. You have been like an angel to me.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… okay. Uh… cool. [chuckles] Um…
 '''Chris:''' I mean, your guidance and all, it’s just like, you know, yeah. It’s like that[ what a guardian angel would… g-guide you through.
 '''Kacey:''' Well- well, that’s gonna be my job. I’m gonna be a nurse. I’m gonna be helping people. So, you know, that’s just what I do. I would do it for anyone.
 '''Chris:''' [dejected] That’s good. Mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, anyway, it’s getting late, and I have school, so… um… why don’t I let you go, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, you’ll send me the email with the links to all the recipes and all that?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I’ll try to redo it. If not, I‘ll do it after school tomorrow.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Uh… talk to you later… Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, talk to you later, Chris. Bye!
 '''Chris:''' Bye-bye.

 '''[CALL ENDS]'''

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Talk:Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T11:09:38Z

Farm Zombie: /* Started Transcript */ done

==Started Transcript==
I transcribed the first part of the call (up to 7:37). I've never done this before, so I'm sure there's a mistake or two. Feel free to correct anything obviously wrong. I'll do some more tomorrow. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:06, 7 March 2011 (PST)

I've now got it up to 17:39. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:06, 7 March 2011 (PST)

I've got it up to 37:43. This is a lot harder than I thought. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:00, 9 March 2011 (PST)

Done! [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 03:09, 10 March 2011 (PST)

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T11:08:29Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ Done!

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 '''Kacey:''' Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 '''Chris:''' Umm…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 '''Chris:''' Hmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 '''Chris:''' [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 '''Kacey:''' T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:'' I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 '''Kacey:''' No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 '''Chris:''' [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 '''Chris:''' Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 '''Kacey:''' But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' And then…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 '''Kacey:''' But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 '''Kacey:''' Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 '''Chris:''' Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 '''Kacey:''' In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 '''Kacey:''' Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Well…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 '''Chris:''' [chuckles]
 '''Kacey:''' Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 '''Chris:''' [mutters incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 '''Chris:''' No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why were you looking up these laws?
 '''Chris:''' I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 '''Chris:''' At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why would you even be looking it up?
 '''Chris:'' I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 '''Kacey:''' Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 '''Kacey:''' Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 '''Kacey:''' WHAT?! What?!
 '''Chris:''' [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 '''Kacey:''' You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 '''Chris:''' [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that?
 '''Chris:''' No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' [sighs]
 '''Chris:''' I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 '''Kacey:''' Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 '''Chris:''' Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm… [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 '''Kacey:''' Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe that… is… part of your sexual drive. I mean, you should feel pleasure from it.
 '''Chris:''' I did for a long time and then… I don’t know. It’s like, you know, my body got used to it.
 '''Kacey:''' So you feel nothing now?
 '''Chris:''' No, I- No, I do- I do feel it, like you know, when I’m near a woman, I definitely feel it then. And sometimes…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] “Near a woman?” I thought you were a virgin.
 '''Chris:''' [clearly frustrated] I am a virgin! I’ve never had sex!
 '''Kacey:''' Okay then, what-what do you mean by “near a woman?” I mean, obviously, I don’t think you mean you do that near… a woman.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no. I meant- I meant- [stutters “I meant” several more times] Oh, oh crap! [yelling] I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore! [exhales]
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, just calm down. I mean, don’t raise your voiced at me. [chuckles] We should be adults and be able to have a civil conversation about this.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… I gave you respect though. I moved the phone away from my head when I shouted.
 '''Kacey:''' I appreciate it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I’m just sayin’, I just felt- I just felt under pressure. And considering the social anxi- considering the socialness and…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I thought you were comfortable with me.
 '''Chris:''' I am comfortable with you, but I’m just sayin’, like you know during a long time where I didn’t- where it was just me and I was just lurching toward a woman[?] or any woman who was willing to give…
 '''Kacey:''' I think maybe you’re holding that to a standard that you’re never gonna be able to accomplish, like… I think that you’re holding it to a standard to where, if you actually get it, you’re going to be disappointed. I-I mean, y-you need to lower the bar a little bit. I mean, maybe you need some friends. Maybe you just need to get out there more. Maybe join a singles’ group or something.
 '''Chris:''' I-I’m not even sure if- I’m not even sure if that would be good for me, or waitaminute… Maybe I messed up. I don’t know. [pause] I feel confused.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know, being confused is nothing to be ashamed of. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, stress and confusion are a bad combination.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess, but you need to be able to keep them in check and to get through them. That’s part of being an adult is pushing through everything, cause you’re gonna be stressed , you’re gonna be confused. It’s gonna happen, but what’s gonna matter is what you do to push through that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean yeah, like sex isn’t going… to… solve all your problems. It’s just not. It’s not gonna make everything magically better. In fact, sex opens so many doors, it can cause problems, especially emotional problems. I mean, cause then you’re… that’s as involved as you can get with somebody and if you’re not ready for it, it’s going to cause a lot of shit. Like, don’t you think I wish I had waited now? I mean, look at everything that’s happened to me. I wish I waited.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you know, I’ve heard… uh… I’ve heard in places where… you know, if you… I’m sure if you talk to your church- your pastor at your church… uh… I think there’s…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris. Chris. I know you’re talking about Born Again Virgins. That’s a load of bullshit. That’s- that’s trendy teen shit that they do to make you feel better, but it doesn’t erase the fact that you’ve done it. I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to keep that between you and God. But, I mean, just because…
 '''Chris:''' Okay, it’s just, I heard that on television is all. I remember hearing it on an episode of King of the Hill. I’m just throwing it out there.
 '''Kacey:''' Once again, Chris, that’s a comedy a TV… you can’t… they were fun of it. They were making fun of people who think Born Again Virgins really makes them pure. No. You still did it. That’s still your mistake and you’re gonna have those emotional scars all your life… or the memories, even. I mean… it doesn’t… make you… anything. You’re still you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you’re not having fun, even, you know, doing it yourself, maybe sex isn’t for you right now. Maybe you just need companionship. I think you’re confusing sex with companionship.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh… so many things I’m confusing. You know, [unintelligible]I used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s weird, but I don’t know what that has to do with this situation. You shouldn’t keep changing the subject like that.
 '''Chris:''' I know. I’m just saying, you know, talking about confusion. I’m just saying, I’ve confused things before.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Confused people before.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, but that’s a little… that’s a little different than this. This is confusing… um… terms and… ideas, like… I-I don’t know. Just- I think what you need is companionship and friends. I mean, your putting sex on this pedestal and people who do that get sorely disappointed. And, I mean, what happens if you do it and then you- you regret it? Y-you should definitely wait until you find someone that you know. That you absolutely know. And it’s not gonna be on the third date. [pause] 
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you’ve even said it’s not fun. I mean, maybe deep down, what you want isn’t sexual-type fun, just, you know, being with other people.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… let me rewind- let me rewind on that topic. Um… actually, lately I have rea- I have been actually been able to enjoy it… you know, masturbation. I’ve actually been able to enjoy it, because you know, I’ve actually had a girl to put in my head… in my head to fantasize doin’ that with. For a long time I have been doin’ it, you know, where I did not have a woman to fantasize that with. And then eventu- and then eventually that wind out to be no fun. And then… and actually, you know… uh… yeah. Then-then I start talking to girls on the internet. And then, you know, from the pictures they sent me, that starts to get a little more fun and then they wind out. Then I got no fun and it was like a yo-yo thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe that’s your body’s way of saying that you’re just being lustful, and that that’s why it stops being fun, because there’s no emotional… there’s nothing emotional about it. Like, sex should just be physical. It should be emotional and physical.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I actually did feel emotions for those girls… b-before they left me or I found out they were trolls.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I can’t help you with that. You’ve gotta be more careful with that. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve learned from- I’ve learned from my past. I’ve learned from my mistakes.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean- I mean, if I guess you do it now, if you have someone you think of now, are you emotionally attached to that person?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can honestly say I do feel emotionally attached.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. [pause] Well, maybe you should concentrate on being that person’s… friend… and, you know, getting to know them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you can’t just go straight to that. I mean, I happy it’s working out for you. That’s good. That’s a good sign. But, it shouldn’t be all about that.
 '''Chris:''' I understand, and I will con- and I will continue to think about… yeah. Maintaining friendship, and then let it all come.
 '''Kacey:''' But, what happens if it never comes?
 '''Chris:''' Then I guess it just doesn’t. I mean, it just- that depends upon… uh… my friend, who’s been like an angel to me feels at that time. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean- I mean, that’s it, but I mean, you’ve gotta be prepared. I mean… I don’t know. Just, you know. Just, this isn’t the way to go about it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I hear you. [pause] I hear you and I appreciate it- I appreciate it all.
 '''Kacey:''' [chuckles] You’re welcome.
 '''Chris:''' The guidance.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I just want what’s best for you.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you’re a great friend and I hope nothing changes.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… hmm… yeah, thank you. You have been like an angel to me.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… okay. Uh… cool. [chuckles] Um…
 '''Chris:''' I mean, your guidance and all, it’s just like, you know, yeah. It’s like that[ what a guardian angel would… g-guide you through.
 '''Kacey: Well- well, that’s gonna be my job. I’m gonna be a nurse. I’m gonna be helping people. So, you know, that’s just what I do. I would do it for anyone.
 '''Chris:''' [dejected] That’s good. Mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, anyway, it’s getting late, and I have school, so… um… why don’t I let you go, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, you’ll send me the email with the links to all the recipes and all that?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I’ll try to redo it. If not, I‘ll do it after school tomorrow.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Uh… talk to you later… Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, talk to you later, Chris. Bye!
 '''Chris:''' Bye-bye.

 '''[CALL ENDS]'''

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T08:43:12Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ "Yeah, stress and confusion is a bad combination."

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 '''Kacey:''' Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 '''Chris:''' Umm…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 '''Chris:''' Hmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 '''Chris:''' [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 '''Kacey:''' T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:'' I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 '''Kacey:''' No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 '''Chris:''' [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 '''Chris:''' Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 '''Kacey:''' But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' And then…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 '''Kacey:''' But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 '''Kacey:''' Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 '''Chris:''' Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 '''Kacey:''' In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 '''Kacey:''' Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Well…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 '''Chris:''' [chuckles]
 '''Kacey:''' Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 '''Chris:''' [mutters incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 '''Chris:''' No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why were you looking up these laws?
 '''Chris:''' I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 '''Chris:''' At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why would you even be looking it up?
 '''Chris:'' I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 '''Kacey:''' Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 '''Kacey:''' Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 '''Kacey:''' WHAT?! What?!
 '''Chris:''' [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 '''Kacey:''' You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 '''Chris:''' [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that?
 '''Chris:''' No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' [sighs]
 '''Chris:''' I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 '''Kacey:''' Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 '''Chris:''' Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm… [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 '''Kacey:''' Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe that… is… part of your sexual drive. I mean, you should feel pleasure from it.
 '''Chris:''' I did for a long time and then… I don’t know. It’s like, you know, my body got used to it.
 '''Kacey:''' So you feel nothing now?
 '''Chris:''' No, I- No, I do- I do feel it, like you know, when I’m near a woman, I definitely feel it then. And sometimes…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] “Near a woman?” I thought you were a virgin.
 '''Chris:''' [clearly frustrated] I am a virgin! I’ve never had sex!
 '''Kacey:''' Okay then, what-what do you mean by “near a woman?” I mean, obviously, I don’t think you mean you do that near… a woman.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no. I meant- I meant- [stutters “I meant” several more times] Oh, oh crap! [yelling] I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore! [exhales]
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, just calm down. I mean, don’t raise your voiced at me. [chuckles] We should be adults and be able to have a civil conversation about this.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… I gave you respect though. I moved the phone away from my head when I shouted.
 '''Kacey:''' I appreciate it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I’m just sayin’, I just felt- I just felt under pressure. And considering the social anxi- considering the socialness and…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I thought you were comfortable with me.
 '''Chris:''' I am comfortable with you, but I’m just sayin’, like you know during a long time where I didn’t- where it was just me and I was just lurching toward a woman[?] or any woman who was willing to give…
 '''Kacey:''' I think maybe you’re holding that to a standard that you’re never gonna be able to accomplish, like… I think that you’re holding it to a standard to where, if you actually get it, you’re going to be disappointed. I-I mean, y-you need to lower the bar a little bit. I mean, maybe you need some friends. Maybe you just need to get out there more. Maybe join a singles’ group or something.
 '''Chris:''' I-I’m not even sure if- I’m not even sure if that would be good for me, or waitaminute… Maybe I messed up. I don’t know. [pause] I feel confused.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know, being confused is nothing to be ashamed of. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, stress and confusion are a bad combination.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess, but you need to be able to keep them in check and to get through them. That’s part of being an adult is pushing through everything, cause you’re gonna be stressed , you’re gonna be confused. It’s gonna happen, but what’s gonna matter is what you do to push through that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean yeah, like sex isn’t going… to… solve all your problems. It’s just not. It’s not gonna make everything magically better. In fact, sex opens so many doors, it can cause problems, especially emotional problems. I mean, cause then you’re… that’s as involved as you can get with somebody and if you’re not ready for it, it’s going to cause a lot of shit. Like, don’t you think I wish I had waited now? I mean, look at everything that’s happened to me. I wish I waited.

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T04:21:48Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 '''Kacey:''' Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 '''Chris:''' Umm…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 '''Chris:''' Hmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 '''Chris:''' [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 '''Kacey:''' T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:'' I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 '''Kacey:''' No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 '''Chris:''' [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 '''Chris:''' Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 '''Kacey:''' But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' And then…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 '''Kacey:''' But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 '''Kacey:''' Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 '''Chris:''' Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
Kacey: Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 '''Kacey:''' In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 '''Kacey:''' Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Well…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 '''Chris:''' [chuckles]
 '''Kacey:''' Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 '''Chris:''' [mutters incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 '''Chris:''' No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why were you looking up these laws?
 '''Chris:''' I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 '''Chris:''' At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why would you even be looking it up?
 '''Chris:'' I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 '''Kacey:''' Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 '''Kacey:''' Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 '''Kacey:''' WHAT?! What?!
 '''Chris:''' [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 '''Kacey:''' You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 '''Chris:''' [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that? 
 '''Chris:''' No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' [sighs]
 '''Chris:''' I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 '''Kacey:''' Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 '''Chris:''' Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm… [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 '''Kacey:''' Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T04:07:44Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ bolding

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 '''Kacey:''' Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 '''Chris:''' Umm…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 '''Chris:''' Hmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 '''Chris:''' [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 '''Kacey:''' T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:'' I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 '''Kacey:''' No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 '''Chris:''' [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 '''Chris:''' Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 '''Kacey:''' But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' And then…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 '''Kacey:''' But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 '''Kacey:''' Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 '''Chris:''' Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
Kacey: Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 '''Kacey:''' In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 '''Kacey:''' Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Well…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 '''Chris:''' [chuckles]
 '''Kacey:''' Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 '''Chris:''' [mutters incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 Kacey: So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 Chris: No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 Kacey: Then why were you looking up these laws?
 Chris: I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 Kacey: Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 Chris: At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 Kacey: Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 Chris: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 Kacey: Then why would you even be looking it up?
 Chris: I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 Kacey: Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 Chris: Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 Kacey: That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 Chris: Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 Kacey: Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 Chris: Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 Kacey: WHAT?! What?!
 Chris: [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 Kacey: [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 Chris: Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 Kacey: You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 Chris: Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 Kacey: I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 Chris: Yeah, I do.
 Kacey: I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 Chris: Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 Kacey: Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 Chris: [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 Kacey: Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that? 
 Chris: No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 Kacey: [sighs]
 Chris: I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 Kacey: Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 Chris: Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 Kacey: That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 Chris: Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 Kacey: I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 Chris: Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 Kacey: [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 Chris: Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 Kacey: Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 Chris: [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 Kacey: I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 Chris: Mmm… [pause]
 Kacey: I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 Chris: Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 Kacey: Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 Chris: Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Talk:Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T04:00:23Z

Farm Zombie: /* Started Transcript */

==Started Transcript==
I transcribed the first part of the call (up to 7:37). I've never done this before, so I'm sure there's a mistake or two. Feel free to correct anything obviously wrong. I'll do some more tomorrow. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:06, 7 March 2011 (PST)

I've now got it up to 17:39. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:06, 7 March 2011 (PST)
I've got it up to 37:43. This is a lot harder than I thought. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 20:00, 9 March 2011 (PST)

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-10T03:59:02Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ some more

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 Chris: Okay. Yeah.
 Kacey: And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 Chris: Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 Kacey: Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 Chris: Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 Kacey: Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 Chris: Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 Kacey: Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 Chris: Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 Kacey: I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 Chris: Umm…
 Kacey: Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 Chris: Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 Kacey: Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 Chris: Hmm…
 Kacey: Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 Chris: [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 Kacey: T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 Chris: I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 Kacey: No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 Chris: Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 Kacey: Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 Chris: [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 Kacey: Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 Chris: Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 Kacey: Yes!
 Chris: Wow.
 Kacey: I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 Chris: [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 Kacey: Alright.
 Chris: Okay.
 Kacey: So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 Chris: Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 Kacey: Uh-huh.
 Chris: But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 Kacey: Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 Chris: Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 Kacey: But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 Chris: Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 Kacey: Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 Chris: Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 Kacey: [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 Chris: Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 Kacey: That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 Chris: Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 Kacey: Uh-huh.
 Chris: You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 Kacey: What?
 Chris: I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 Kacey: Okay.
 Chris: You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 Kacey: Right.
 Chris: And then…
 Kacey: [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 Chris: Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 Kacey: Uh-huh.
 Chris: Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 Kacey: But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 Chris: Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 Kacey: Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 Chris: Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
Kacey: Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 Chris: I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 Kacey: That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 Chris: Hmm.
 Kacey: Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 Chris: Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 Kacey: Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 Chris: [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 Kacey: Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 Chris: Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 Kacey: Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 Chris: Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 Kacey: No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 Chris: Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 Kacey: In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 Chris: I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 Kacey: Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 Chris: Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 Kacey: Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 Chris: Well…
 Kacey: You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 Chris: [chuckles]
 Kacey: Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 Chris: I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 Kacey: Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 Chris: [mutters incoherently]
 Kacey: You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 Chris: No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 Kacey: So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 Chris: No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 Kacey: Then why were you looking up these laws?
 Chris: I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 Kacey: Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 Chris: At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 Kacey: Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 Chris: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 Kacey: Then why would you even be looking it up?
 Chris: I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 Kacey: Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 Chris: Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 Kacey: That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 Chris: Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 Kacey: Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 Chris: Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 Kacey: WHAT?! What?!
 Chris: [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 Kacey: [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 Chris: Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 Kacey: You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 Chris: Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 Kacey: I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 Chris: Yeah, I do.
 Kacey: I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 Chris: Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 Kacey: Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 Chris: [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 Kacey: Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that? 
 Chris: No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 Kacey: [sighs]
 Chris: I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 Kacey: Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 Chris: Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 Kacey: That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 Chris: Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 Kacey: I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 Chris: Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 Kacey: [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 Chris: Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 Kacey: Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 Chris: [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 Kacey: I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 Chris: Mmm… [pause]
 Kacey: I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 Chris: Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 Kacey: Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 Chris: Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Talk:Kacey Call 7

2011-03-08T04:06:57Z

Farm Zombie: /* Started Transcript */ more

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-08T04:05:42Z

Farm Zombie: /* Transcript */ more