CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and religion

2014-05-01T16:09:59Z

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{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! ([[Facebook]])}}
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] [[Ruckersville, VA|hillbilly]] [[Slow-in-the-minds|idiot]] who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. Also, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]

Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]tism he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. In Chris's previous view of God, the almighty will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He was commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Daughter|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It was strange that despite Chris's strong past belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.

Eventually, Chris came to blame God for his misfortunes in a [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial. The date of the letter is unknown, but cannot have been written earlier than [[July 2011]], as Ed Winkler, the pastor mentioned in the letter, joined the staff of Wesley Memorial on that month.<ref>[http://www.linkedin.com/pub/ed-winkler/1a/16a/360 Ed Winkler's profile] at LinkedIn</ref>
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, [[Wikipedia:Limbo|Limbo]] is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. [[Wikipedia:Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide]] and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied.

His belief that suicide leads one to limbo may stem from the [[South Park]] episode "[[Wikipedia:Death (South Park)|Death]]", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Breaking all Ten Commandments===

The Ten Commandments are the foundation of all the Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). Chris isn't a strict follower of these either, despite [[Mumble 8|calling them all out by name before an audience of trolls.]]

# '''"Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses. Also, it bears mentioning that he once erected a [[Megan Shrine|shrine for Megan.]]
# '''"Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the [[Medallions of Fail]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment. Furthermore, his borderline obsessive habit of [[Pok%C3%A9walker_of_Fail|altering]] [[PSP of Fail|everything]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|he]] [[Attraction Sign|owns]] [[Son-chu#Vanity_plate|with]] the likeness of himself and/or his character [[Sonichu]] may also be a violation, since he apparently reveres his own fictional character over his love of God. It was also revealed that he not only made a Lego figurine in the image of God, but is also contemplating "torturing" it as well.
# '''"Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
# '''"Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath. Also, it's pretty unlikely that God would like Chris choosing a Sunday to engage in adulterous, pre-marital sex, which directly breaks one of His other Commandments (see "Thou shalt not commit adultery" below.)
# '''"Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] [[Bob walks in|that]] [[Tomgirl|upset]] his parents. Recently, however, he clearly dishonored his ailing mother by getting her in [[28 October 2011|severe legal troubles]] over a matter that was his own fault, and due to the circumstances, she fared worse off than him (she faced two felony charges whereas Chris only faced one.)
# '''"Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath. Alternatively, considering the revelation that he believes cartoon characters really exist, his actions in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] where he collapses a building full of people, killing at least a hundred people for relatively minor slights gives him the biggest body count of the series. He came ''dangerously'' close in his in famous [[28 October 2011|run in with Michael Snyder]], where it was [[This is how the Trial went|revealed]] that he hit Snyder not once, but ''twice'' with his vehicle and attempted to flee afterwards instead of stopping.
# '''"Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': For a while, it seemed that Chris would have been following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]]. With the recent revelation that he may have lost his virginity in an apparent one night stand, though, it's pretty safe to say that this commandment has now been literally broken. Even if one is generous and says that this commandment only applies to infidelity, Chris still violated it because he attempted to cheat on [[Ivy]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], and also tried to get [[Kacey]] to cheat on [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] with him.
# '''"Thou shalt not steal"''': If [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] However, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
# '''"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator. This was especially prevalent within the [[Alec Benson Leary]] saga. Some interpret this commandment as not being against falsehood in general, but against lies that hurt other people. However, even by this generous interpretation, Chris is a sinner because he has accused [[Michael Snyder]] of [[pedofork|child molestation]], something which could easily ruin his life if anybody believed him.
# '''"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]], which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

==Chris and Forgiveness==

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|he goes on to curse and scream at them later on]].

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made a plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism_Tutorial_Part_3|making threats to burn down the store]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris' show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

Long story short, Chris does not forgive, nor does he forget.

==Chris and Blasphemy==

Blasphemy is defined as showing contempt towards God. Though Chris has been faithful to God ''(the word being used VERY loosely here)'', there were a couple of notable instances where he openly defied his will as preached by the church. One instance had him release a video called [[F Abstinence]], where he announced his plans to yell "FUCK ABSTINENCE!" in his church ''(it is unknown if he actually did follow through with this, but what is known is that he was banned from the church for some reason between 2011 and 2013.)'' Later on, [[Other_documents#Epistle_to_the_Wesley_Memorial_United_Methodist_Church|a letter leaked on March 2013]] seems to indicate that Chris has turned his back on the church of the Big Man Upstairs, and stops a hair short of outright calling Him a troll:

{{quotebox|1=
**Please Print (in multiples) and Share This Message with EVERYBODY at Church**

I, Christian Weston Chandler, will not be attending church for a long time.

I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced. I also feel my meetings with Rocky no longer have much effect on me or my life. My life continues to be at a disappointing standstill of sadness, loneliness and great stress. Only the people way older than me ever do so much as greet me, and I have very little to share in common with any of them. Nobody even close to my age, or even in their twenties, gives me much to do, or include me in their conversations.

Aside from that, I am hated by a number of people for [[Autism|reasons beyond my full understanding]], because I always tried to be a [[Death Threats|good]] [[Homos#Hatred_of_homos|and]] [[Kill De Jack|nice]] person for a long time. And in public, I am constantly overlooked, ignored or ostracized by Everybody. Even speaking out gets me absolutely no attention. I continue to be paranoid of most everyone, because of [[Chris and Reality|them likely being among the Internet Trolls that still continue to haunt and taunt me]]. I am still long desperate for a woman to be my [[Sweetheart]]. I am tired of being single, dang it. I continue to serve my family the best I can, and [[Chris_and_his_Ego#Fishing_For_Sympathy|I continue to feel sad, depressed and lonely]]. My heart feels numb, and I am forced to keep a great emotional distance from Everybody outside my house and home. I am an autistic mental and emotional mess, and there is very little I can do to help myself, beyond my knowledge. '''And God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx.'''

And, so, the church is not helping me much in my life, mentally, or emotionally, at all. So I will not be coming back for a long time.

Sent from my iPhone

Stay Safe,

Christian W. Chandler
}}

Long story short, Chris feels that God has decided to play [[Kick the Autistic]], and had made the decision to pass these letters insulting Him to the congregation, possibly in a bid to fish for sympathy.

In email from 1 [[May 2013]], he goes as far as telling that he sometimes feels "emptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it".
{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)

Sent from my iPhone Stay Safe, Christian W. Chandler
}}

However, email reveals that his relationship with God is somewhat complicated, but this is a matter either of hypocrisy or just [[Slow-in-the-minds|inability]] to see the contradiction in his beliefs. Also, he doesn't want to quit going to the church, while holding kinda pantheistic view of God and even considering trying another religion (which is something suggested to him by a [[gal-pal]] and we can as yet speculate what is it).

On 7 September 2013, Chris once again cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[jerkop]] while he was pitching a fit about how God has been trolling him over the course of the past several days. He goes on to state he wishes God would kill him, which is not very Christian-like, considering the consequences for that are very stiff (depending on the religion you believe in).
{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

Case in point, Chris may as well label God as a [[troll|"DAMN, DIRTY TROLL"]], just as he's labeled everyone else. It's only a matter of time before God decides to get even with Chris, [[Chris_and_the_law|either very soon]], or [[Chris_and_death|sometime in the near future]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

{{quote|I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares|Chris on using the spirits of the dead}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing (at least without good reason), and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]], [[Women's rights|sexist]], [[Chris and race|racist]], failure.

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons.

[[Angelica]] is a [[Wikipedia:Catholic Church|Roman Catholic]], raised by [[Wikipedia:Nun#Catholic|nuns]]. However, she is still a huge slut without any opposition to premarital sex.

===Judaism===
"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]" reveals that Chris has some awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

===Atheism===
[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> It's even harder for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[troll]]s by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common_Questions#09_January_2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]].

In [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a straw man fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

/cow/

2014-04-24T21:34:20Z

Ferret:

[[Image:Redbackground.jpg|thumb|All it took was words and a red gradient to keep Chris away]]
{{Quote|Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me.|Chris, [[It's not that cold]]}}
:''[[cwc]] redirects here. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]].''
'''/cwc/''' (aka '''Krapple''', '''Legi0n''', '''789chan''' or '''/cow/''') is an image board dedicated to [[Chris]] and other lolcows.

[[Ivy]] has alleged that Chris had discovered the site, based on a tip off from a successful [[white knight]], but his response was that the [[CWCipedia|colors]] [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|bothered]] him and that there were "[[Autism|too many words]]."

Chris made direct reference to the 789chan incarnation of /cwc/ in the video [[It's not that cold]], asking if they'd fuck him. In the video, he also pretends to dig up his dead dog [[Patti Chandler]] and wear her as a coat. This is also a reference to the /cwc/ board, as a vocal minority of users in Legi0n era /cwc/ kept suggesting that the [[trolls]] should hire a [[Tomgirl|tranny hooker]] to dig up Patti, as a way of trolling Chris. How much Chris actually knows about 789chan or whether or not he browses the board remains to be seen.

== History ==
[[Image:anonchris.jpg|thumb|Typical /cwc/ user]]
/cwc/ was originally set up on the Krapple board, but on 1 [[November 2009]], /cwc/, as well as the entire board, was permanently deleted for CEO having ''terabytes'' of [[anime]] on server space. It was brought back soon after on a spin-off chan on Legi0n. Legi0n also later shut down due to some drama with some of its admins in [[August 2010]], and the board was moved once more to 789chan. While hosted at 789chan, /cwc/ was re-purposed as a general lolcows board rather than a Chris-centric one, though Chris still remains the most popular topic and the board's namesake. The administrator of 789chan tired of running the website, and decided to let the project die in [[November 2012]]. This probably comes as no surprise to the users as a few months previous he explained this was soon to happen and that he was burned out from the project. Almost immediately after the loss of 789chan, a shifty Mexican business man rebuilt the site as n0chan with similar code, calling the new board /cow/. This later died, and the current incarnation is found on 888chan.
==Derivative boards==
Due to the high volume of posts on /cwc/, the Legi0n staff decided to create additional, more specific chris-related boards. '''/cxc/''' (fanfics and copypastas), '''/kcwc/''' (chris-related songs/music videos), '''/CWCrt/''' (trolling schemes), and''' /library/''' (to archive threads of major importance). The move to 789chan eventually dropped all of these boards, while adding /L/ in place of /library/.

==Other==
/cwc/ also operated an IRC channel and a dedicated trolling wiki back in the Legi0n days. The wiki and IRC channel have both since shut down, but 789chan now runs a new IRC located [irc://irc.789chan.org:6667/789chan here].

== External links ==
*[http://888chan.org/cow/ /cwc/'s current incarnation]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?myc11iitiw6ud Archive on Mediafire]
*[irc://irc.789chan.org:6667/789chan 789chan IRC, the new /cwc/ channel]
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Legi0n ED article on Legi0n]
*[https://encyclopediadramatica.es/789chan ED article on 789chan]
{{DEFAULTSORT:cwc}}
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack

2014-04-24T21:31:17Z

Ferret: /* Images from the Luv Shack (or: Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here) */

{{Honest}}
{{quote|YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER NEW TERRITORY THAT MAY OPEN NEW CREATIVE DOORS WITHIN YOUR MIND.

ARE YOU 18 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER?

[[Image:Red yes button.JPG]] [[Image:Red no button.JPG]]
|Age check for Sonichu and Rosechu's Love Shack}}
[[Image:052-LindaRonstadtIn.jpg|thumb|right||Chris's Rule 34 goes back to the origins of Sonichu and Rosechu, where he drew crude images of Rosechu.]]

'''Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack''' is the Rule 34 section of [[Chris]]'s [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu site]] founded on 12 February [[2009]]. Chris most likely took the name from the 1999 [[South Park]]-themed [[video games|video game]], ''[[Wikipedia:South Park: Chef's Luv Shack|Chef's Luv Shack]]''. While many would think this is simply a ham-fisted attempt to continue his [[Mass debating|"protest"]] against [[ED]], he's actually just trying to get us to open [[Women's rights |"NEW CREATIVE DOORS"]] [[Chris and art|artistically]] and [[Chris and religion|spiritually]]. Who knew [[Chris and art|horribly drawn]] [[china]]s colored in with magic markers could be so illuminating?

Several people noticed, before the site's sudden death, a "For [[Gal pal|Girls]]" section, essentially either requesting or alleging solo or homoerotic [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]] artwork.

The artwork he did manage to post was mostly stuff he's already uploaded to [[ED]] as well as some new stuff from the pairings from [[Sonichu 9]]. While Chris has been drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|erotic fantasy artwork]], chances are the love shack is gone for good, despite numerous [[Mailbag|fan requests]] for its return. Creating a page [[Chris and his Ego|not intimately related to him]] would cause too much [[stress]].

==Development==
In a post on the [[Sonichu Girls]] forum from early January 2009, Chris posted:
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
If you all will recall, I had mentioned the idea of creating a one-time magazine of pictures of the Rosechus (minus Zapina, since she's underage) being sexy in underwear or naked, as a protest of mine against the ED jerks who drew dicks on my female characters and women in general; the heinous, slanderous act still infuriates me. But I withold my rage. A Sonichu Girl asked me when I was going to draw the comic of the Rosechus stripping in protest, so I felt I should put it to a popular vote.

Would you all like to see the multiple pages of the Rosechus being sexy in underwear or naked in the protest against those jerks in the Playboy parodied magazine, or do you all feel I would be crossing a line doing so?

If the popular vote is good, I will draw up the magazine either before or after drawing and coloring my #9 Comic Book, depending on how I feel. I'll make my decision based on the popular responses after a week to a month's time.

Thank you all again for understanding my true meaning behind the stripping protest. :)

Love and Peace.</div>

All the TRUE and LOYAL [[trolls|Sonichu gal fans]] supported Chris's idea and alongside support from "fans" in [[Mumble]], Chris made the site. The Luv Shack went online on 12 February, becoming part of [[Sonichuandrosechu.com]] (the third domain that hosted Chris's Sonichu site, which he had acquired and set up earlier that month).

Chris kept the sub-site very up to date, adding "adult" versions of his comics all the way up to [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu issue #9]]. For a time, the Luv Shack was updated almost as often as the Sonichu comics themselves, although Chris left out some well-known material from the collection (such as the [[Giant Penis Comic]]).

When Chris relaunched his site in April as CWCville.com, he broke several links to the Luv Shack, but the gallery was still available via the old domain name. After the site was repeatedly hacked in May, however, Chris eventually gave up and allowed it to lie fallow. At present, [[CWCipedia]] doesn't have any section like the Luv Shack, and hosts somewhat less explicit versions of comics like [[Sonichu 8]].

As of 26 [[April 2010]] Chris has claimed on his [[CWC Blog#26 April 2010|blog]] that he would never allow adult images on [[CWCipedia|his website]], and that the rule 34 he has created was "leaked". Since Chris has horrifying porn available himself, and at one point had an entire page dedicated to [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], this is a lie on both counts.

==Images from the Luv Shack (or: Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here)==
{{collapsible
|Incredibly horrific and NSFW, this is your last chance to escape with your sanity
|<center><gallery>
Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|Even though [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|this]] destroyed his relationship with Megan, he uploaded it to his new website, saying that he needed "sexy pictures for a sexy website."
Image:HedgehogsinFLuv.JPG|According to Chris, this is "romance." In a children's comic. Rosechu looks like she's crying.
Image:BubblesandBlackSonichu.JPG|What Chris originally imagined as comic characters suitable for all ages, in the middle of their hardcore Hanky Panky. You know, for kids!
Image:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG|Chris's original text: "FUCK!! Did she have to do that in the house of God?!! " Chris is correct about women's vaginas crying at the sight of him.
Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|...why, Chris, why?
Image:Rosechu pegging Sonichu.jpg|(Former) loyal [[gal pal]] [[Sarah May]] forced Chris to create a drawing of a female character with a [[pickle]] fucking a male character in order to get his website back. Chris thought he would be clever if he did so with Rosechu, but made it look like she was wearing a strap-on. (This picture is included in the actual luv shack, the caption says she is, in fact,wearing a strap on)
Image:Original-chrischan-rosechu-trap.jpg|But since Sarah May isn't a dumbass, she made him fix it and he gave in.
Image:Silvana34.jpg|Likewise, she forced him to draw one of his female characters with a pickle. Chris thought he'd be clever to do an image of [[Silvana]], who already has a pickle, and who is black so you can't really tell to begin with.
Image:IvyBondage.jpg|Apparently, Ivy is mad about Chris cheating with [[Vanessa Hudgens]].
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:SchuComic8P102.jpg|From Chris' all-too-informative [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology CWCipedia "Biology" page].
Image:SchuComic8P103.jpg|Why, yes, Chris has given the reproductive systems of his fictional characters great amounts of thought.
Image:SchuComic8P104.jpg|Clearly Chris paid attention in his biology classes
Image:SchuComic8P105.jpg| Sex: Learn about it at the library, on the internet!
Image:SchuComic9Page1-B.jpg| If that wasn't educational enough for you, here's a detailed hand-drawn comic featuring what fictional characters having sex looks like, from [[Sonichu 9]].
Image:SchuComic9Page1-G.jpg|The view from Sonichu's penis cam.
Image:SchuComic9Page1-H .jpg|Sonichu knows ALL the positions.
Image:SchuComic9Page5-A.jpg|[[Audiobooks|Look at that face goddamn!]]
Image:RosechuNude2.jpg|Hey, while you're here, you might be interested to know that most of this is [[Chris and tracing|traced]]
Image:RosechuNude3.jpg|He even signs his own Rule 34.
Image:RosechuNude4.jpg|Chris claims he's against bestiality...
Image:RosechuNude5.jpg|Chris is a expert at leg proportions.
Image:RosechuNude6.jpg|Sonichu and Rosechu are all-animal.
Image:RosechuNude7.jpg|Suddenly, bangs!
Image:RosechuNude8.jpg|Rosechu pees pink.
Image:SchuComic9Page19-A.jpg|Strangely enough, Chris has quite a lot in common with Snapesnogger.
Image:SchuComic9Page19-B.jpg|Chris shows us the images he used to trace the Rosechu nudes.
Image:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg|And now you know what cartoons Chris faps to.
Image:SchuComic9Page32-E.jpg|Later, Rosechu shows us what [[Women's rights]] looks like.
Image:SchuComic9Page32-F.jpg|Chris has made a detailed study of [[Muscle bra|bras]] to draw this.
Image:SchuComic9Page32-G.jpg|I AM EXPLODING VAGINA, DESTROYER OF WORLDS
Image:SchuComic9Page61.jpg| A final scene wherein [[Blake]] is paralyzed by [[Silvana]]'s poison secretions, while she is disguised as [[Chaotic Combo#Bubbles|Bubbles]]

</gallery></center>}}

==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Jackie E-mails 14]], which feature even more "erotic" art.

{{References}}

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/sonichuandrosechuluvshack/index.html Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]</s> bahleeted
*<s>[http://www.cwcville.com/sonichuandrosechuluvshack/index.html NEW and TRUE Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]... Which goes to the old, dead one. [http://www.cwcville.com/sonichuandrosechuluvshack/xxx/index.html Here's] where it's supposed to send you.</s> Nope!
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/CWCXXXart.html Archive (WARNING: Not suitable for people with a heart level under 80%)]
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Rule 34]]

Anime Mid-Atlantic

2012-05-29T22:50:25Z

Ferret: /* 2005 */

'''Anime Mid-Atlantic''' is an [[anime]] convention that [[Chris]] attended on 29 [[May 2004]] and 17 [[June 2005]]. It took place at a Holiday Inn in [[Richmond]].

==2004==
Anime Mid-Atlantic took place on May 28–30, [[2004]]. Chris recounts this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #5:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews5.htm</ref>

{{quotebox|
On May 29, [[2004]], I, Christian Chandler, attended my first [[Anime]] Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel
Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)
}}

[[Image:131-AnimeMid2004.jpg|thumb|;D]]

<gallery>
Image:CWCMonica.jpg|Chris develops his [[Megan Schroeder|shoulder]] fetish.
Image:405-ExcelV1.jpg|<nowiki>:D</nowiki>
</gallery>
{{-}}

==2005==
Chris anticipated this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #9 and #10:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews9.htm</ref> It took place on June 17–19, [[2005]].

{{quotebox|Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see ''[[News Dash!]]'' #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more.
}}

[[Image:132-AnimeMidAtlanticBadge.jpg|8D|thumb]]

This year, Chris stayed for all three days of the convention, and spent two nights at a hotel alone.

<gallery>
Image:AMA1.jpg|[[Video games|GameCube]]...check.
Image:AMA2.jpg|[[Health|24-pack of Pepsi]]...check.
Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|[[Pixelblocks]]...check.
Image:AMA4.jpg|...I said "check".
Image:AMA3.jpg|Erotic soap dish...check
Image:0658-ANIME513.JPG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Chris]] costume...check!
Image:0679-ANIME525.JPG|AWESOME!!!
Image:0668-ANIME514.JPG|Fellow autists at Sonic panel
</gallery>

===Witness account===
In [[May 2010]], the blog ''Topless Robot'' had a contest for "Most Shameful Nerd Moment". One commenter named tasakeru828, who ran a ''[[Sonic]]'' panel at what was presumably Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005, described the experience<ref>http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/05/moments_of_nerd_shame_and_the_winners_are.php</ref>:

{{quotebox|I actually met [[Chris-chan]] at an [[anime]] convention before [[ED]] found out about him and started [[troll]]ing him en masse. A friend and I were hosting a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] panel and trying to prove that not all Sonic fans are as batshit insane as they're made out to be. That noble goal was shot to hell when the one-and-only Christian Weston Chandler arrived in all his [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], Sonichu-[[medallion]]-wearing glory and started handing out free copies of his first issue. He asked us a completely unintelligible question (thinking mistakenly that we actually had some influence on the series as a whole), and afterwards he babbled at us personally while we smiled and nodded trying to look interested. We obviously knew he was mentally ill, but we had no idea that we were meeting a future [[Internet]] legend. 
Now, I still persist in my goal to prove that some Sonic fans are decent, intelligent people. (...) But Lord, Chris-chan comes very close to ruining it all for even me, and that should tell you something.}}

==Aftermath==
Chris has not been to an anime convention since the 2005 Anime Mid-Atlantic event. In [[2010]], he planned for a time to visit the [[MGS|Otakon]] convention in Baltimore (in large part so he could meet [[Jackie]] there), but he managed to thwart himself by spending the money he'd set aside for the expedition. In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he claims that he overdrew his bank account shortly before the trip. This incurred the wrath of his parents, who refused to allow him to leave the house.

== Sources ==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.animemidatlantic.com/ Official Website]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/105 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2004 Convention Information Page]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/638 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005 Convention Information Page]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

File talk:Into the friend zone.jpg

2012-05-27T04:52:41Z

Ferret: Created page with "Memes? In my CWCki?--~~~~"

Memes? In my [[CWCki]]?--[[User:Ferret|Ferret]] 21:52, 26 May 2012 (PDT)

Chris and sex

2012-05-15T23:27:26Z

Ferret: /* Incest */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on the HBO network around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex outside of his single sexual experience he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in porno movies, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would get off to a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology; for example, in [[Ivy Q&A#Threats|Ivy Q&A]] it's mentioned that Chris told Ivy that he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!" While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

According to [[Calling_Out#Calling_Out_Jack_Thaddius_-_Ahuviya|a video]] published in [[August 2011]], Chris enjoys female domination (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it [[Mass Debating|masturbatorily]].<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive [[homos|homoerotic]] thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a big boy.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals.

Despite his statements against bestiality, Chris stated that he would be willing to have sex with a female dog (because he's not a homo) for [[PandaHalo]] and specified that he'd prefer a Collie.<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)</ref>

Chris also suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLNUncC6Nm8&list=UUpZbAoE-X3DdRo0jxIQsMaw&index=6&feature=plpp_video</ref>

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that points in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion abound that this was due to the help of a hooker ([[List of Chris's Lies|presuming Chris's story is true]]). Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Village Voice Media|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref>

[[File:Virginbreaker.png]]

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]] (in which it was revealed that Chris did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest"). While he had shown aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year afterwards Chris's views on subject of incest became much more condemning. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] asked Chris if he thinks it's ok that his [[Virginia|home state]] allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris was furious for reading a supposed slander against The Great State of Virginia and wrote that "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref>

When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationship were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible.<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, as is evident from the [[IRC (21 January 2009)|chat]] in which he was informed of the rape of [[PandaHalo]] and her ensuing impregnation. Chris's response to hearing about his girlfriend's traumatic ordeal was extremely nonchalant, and at one point during the chat he even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her [[Clyde Cash|rapist]], whom Chris had described as a "good man" for his regret over raping Panda and for his willingness to take care of the rape child. Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, Chris would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref>

Misguided trolls claim that Chris will one day try to rape someone due to his stalker tendencies, but due to his warped view of romance and [[Power|inability to pin someone down long enough]] this scenario is highly unlikely. Still, it's no less discomforting to know that despite whatever personal feelings he has on the act, he seems to have trouble understanding what non-consensual contact is. As evidenced in [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape- the idea of letting his "prey" wear herself out before moving on her may not have registered to Chris as sounding wrong.

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

May 2011

2012-05-12T21:14:48Z

Ferret:

'''May 2011''' began just after a bizarre [[Tomgirl Pictures|series of photos]] of Chris in ladyclothes was leaked. Chris remained inactive.

==Events==

* 14 May: After almost a month of being inactive, the [[PlayStation Network]] comes back online, and Chris immediately removes the "I am [[Tomgirl]]" quote from his profile.
* 29 May: Chris discovers and joins the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum. It is revealed that Bob called him a "[[Homo|fag]]" and Barb said "I didn't raise a daughter," and Chris recounts a confrontation with a [[jerkop]].

==References==

<references/>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

Wendy's

2012-05-11T00:06:16Z

Ferret: /* Dismissal */

[[Image:Wendy's logo.png|120px|center]]

[[File:Wendys Chris 2011.jpg|thumb|250px|The branch of Wendy's at which Chris worked.]]

'''Wendy's''' is an [[America]]n [[Obesity|fast food]] chain that employed Chris briefly until he got fired. Chris's job primarily consisted of custodial duties instead of preparing food.

Chris has contradicted himself at various times about exactly when he worked there. He claimed in his [[Chris's resume|resumé]] that he worked there from August to October [[2001]], but he told [[Kacey]]'s father that he had already been fired before 11 September.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> Chris likely worked at Wendy's for a month and a half, working about 20-30 hours a week for what was probably minimum wage.

==Chris the employee==
Chris said that his duties consisted of "Cleaning trays, tables and carpet/tile flooring, keeping the place neat and serving the customers with kind, understanding help."<ref>[[Chris's resume]]</ref> Accounts of his employment paint him as a stubborn and difficult employee. In [[2009]], Chris was asked about his time at Wendy's several times after the date with [[Emily]]. Chris believed his supervisor didn't think very highly of him for reasons upon which we can only speculate. He mentioned a time involving him getting his uniform dirty and simply continuing to wear it after trying to wash it in the bathroom sink, not taking into account the [[Chris and health#Hygiene|usual sanitation standards]] of most fast food restaurants and also not realizing he could get another, clean shirt from the supply room.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

In a conversation with [[Kacey]]'s father, Chris mentioned "emotional differences" as the reason for his termination, and claimed that the manager had a "spike on his shoulder" against him. It's not known what these differences were, although they were almost certainly minor differences of opinion over punctuality and performing the job duties for which he was hired.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

A chat with [[Jackie]] revealed more information about Chris's time at Wendy's. Chris talked about how a female co-worker was mean-spirited and gave him "bad times with criticisms, insults and whatnot." In reality, this could have been a co-worker simply trying to give Chris some constructive criticism. In the same chat, Chris also admitted that he would take frequent breaks after washing the tables and taking out the trash, not realizing that there was other stuff for him to do.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 4|Jackie Chat #4]]</ref>

==Dismissal==

{{quote|You got fired from Wendy's, most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's.| [[Matthew Devoria]]}}

The circumstances of Chris's firing are unclear, as Chris has given vague and contradictory answers about the cause of his dismissal. The last straw appears to have been when Chris scared a small boy in the restaurant. His family were about to leave, Chris helped them by giving them their bags and a top for their baked potato boat,<ref>[[Mumble 7|Mumble #7]]</ref> but then Chris performed his terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and the child cried. Chris claims that this did not scare the child - he was just tired.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]] - "No, not really scary, you see he was tired..."</ref><ref>[[Mumble 7|Mumble #7]] - "But I did not make the child cry, the child was already- was just tired."</ref>

In a later account, he denied performing the voice when talking to [[Jackie]],<ref>[[Jackie Chat 4|Jackie Chat #4]] - "he got his opportunity one night after watching a family with a tired child crying; I did nothing to cause him to cry, he WAS tired. And I offered to get a top for their potato so they could take it with them. [...] the manager thought I had done my Donald Duck voice for the child and made him cry, which was not the case.</ref> even though he had admitted to it in previous accounts.<ref>[[Mumble 7|Mumble #7]] - Troll: "Well, we heard that, uh, you... We've heard so many things, like you helped a small child and you did a Donald Duck impersonation and you scared the child." Chris: "Mmm... Also, that- Also, that is correct, but I did not scare the child."</ref><ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

At Wendy's, Chris received the only money he has ever actually earned in his life — a sum likely consisting of about $500, or nineteen days' [[tugboat]].

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&q=&vps=9&jsv=151e&sll=38.231303,-78.37095&sspn=0.005158,0.019312&ie=UTF8&geocode=FYRbRwIdkChU-w&split=0 Google Maps Location]

==See also==
*[[Cutco]] - Chris's only other employer.
*[[Chris's resume]]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Jobs]]

File talk:Detailsonichurule34.png

2012-05-09T00:08:48Z

Ferret:

wow this is terrible. [[User:Evang|Evang]] 06:18, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
*But cute at the same time.--[[User:Ferret|Ferret]] 17:08, 8 May 2012 (PDT)

Liquid Chris

2012-05-09T00:05:25Z

Ferret: /* Liquid Saga */

{{Improve|massive reorganization|Expand the subtopics under the ''Liquid Saga'' for great justice. Add details and citations.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Trolls</s> Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Liquid Chris
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Chris Chandler<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref> Jeff<ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref>
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[Kacey]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer Musician
|-
|}
'''Liquid Chris''' (born 24 [[February 1982]]) is the '''[[TRUE and HONEST]] Christian Weston Chandler''' (ORIGINAL IDENTITY — DO NOT STEAL) and creator of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu]].

==Prologue==
[[June 2009]] was a busy month for [[Christian]] (henceforth '''[[Metal Gear Solid|Solid Chris]]'''), with both highs and lows. Solid was getting out of the house more and knocking back some [[Chris's Big Night Out|Long Islands]] with a new group of acquaintances. He was given the reins to his shiny new [[CWCipedia]] and had his [[YouTube]] account "CChanSonichu" compromised. Yes, he was [[Rollin' and Trollin']] indeed.

{{quote|And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.|Solid Chris, [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]}}

==Liquid Saga==
{{Protip|If you're going to call Chris "Ian", please don't.}}

====A challenger appears====
[[Image:Torture.jpg|Liquid Chris torturing the impostor.|thumb]]
:''See also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#Antebellum|Liquid's Antebellum Videos]]''

At the end of the month a new YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CChanSonichuCWC], appeared with a simple premise: that the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler (henceforth '''Liquid Chris''') was back online after a long absence, during which he lost his account to hackers, so all the weirdness on "CChanSonichu" was the work of hacking trolls, and he announced that he was ready to resume posting HONEST content on his new account. This new CWC posted four more videos, much of which were [[parodies]] of earlier videos by Solid Chris.

{{quote|How else would I get fan art, if I was not the original creator of Sonichu?|Liquid Chris, [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Update:_I_am_Still_the_Real_Christian_Weston_Chandler_Despite_LIES_AND_SLANDER._Also.2C_Some_Fan_Art|3 July 2009]]}}

Notably, Liquid Chris sported:
* A paper Sonichu medallion
* A striped shirt (brown)
* Pedo-glasses
* Obesity (by means of a stuffed shirt, later removed)
* Autism

All of which, of course, made him almost [[Chris and Reality|''indistinguishable'']] from Solid Chris! Solid himself made no comment, probably because he didn't notice the new videos among the chatter of all the other trolling. The alternative — that Solid just ignored them — is far too reasonable to consider.

====Ian Brandon Anderson====
{{main|Ian Brandon Anderson}}

What really cranked this up to eleven was a chain of events that started with Solid Chris getting his "CChanSonichu" channel back: First, Solid posted [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|a series of videos]] on 10 [[July 2009]] where he "called out" three trolls by their YouTube handles, and dropped their docs (well, dropped "supposed states of residence"). That resulted in the permanent banhammer for "CChanSonichu".

The next piece fell into place when he posted his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]] video on his new YouTube account, "[[IBAChandler]]". When it hit [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], newfags everywhere momentarily lost control of their bowels, thinking they'd been trolled by a grand master. Trolls, however, did what trolls do best: they started riffing on it. Pretty quickly, YouTube comments popped up referring to Solid as "Ian Brandon Anderson". Such was the price of success for Solid's small drop of near win in his sea of epic fail: he had delivered unto his enemies a weapon that they'd use for months.

Even then, the damage control from that episode alone would probably have kept him from noticing Liquid's videos. Until that is, Liquid raised the stakes in an attempt to get Solid's attention.

===CWCivil War begins===
[[Image:Honest-and-true.jpg|thumb|right|TRUTH and HONESTY established by the state of [[Virginia]]!]]
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#The CWCivil|Liquid's CWCivil War Videos]]''

The war began on 21 July, when Liquid uploaded a [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Now_Selling_the_OFFICIAL_and_ORIGINAL_SONICHU_Merchandise_of_CWC.2C_NO_FAKERIES_OR_IMPOSTORY|video]] that reeled Solid in hook, line, and sinker, having sold Sonichu merchandise with [[Samantha Thaddeus]] at Otakon. A rebuttal was in order:

{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC]". HE IS CRAPPY, and his Nasal Voice is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL!<ref>[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

Solid also took time out from his busy schedule to post threats on Liquid's YouTube comments:

{{quotebox|'''The Final Showdown'''

Hey, DUMBASS! [[Chris and his ego|YOU WISH YOU WERE ME]]! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Ct.]] [[Ruckersville]], VA
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[Naive|NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day. 
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler<ref>[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

Even at this point, Solid Chris still may have let this all go, as he was simultaneously getting blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], who was holding his [[PSN]] account to ransom. But as that wound down, Liquid caught Solid's eye again, by picking up on the Ian Brandon Anderson meme:

{{quotebox|Hello, again, Loyal Fans,

It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON). Anyway, I am Working Very Hard on Sonichu 9 and Things may be Progressing Heavily with my new TRUE [[Gal-Pal]] [[Kacey]] and I. Also, Expect more Announcements of this Developing Caliber in the Future.

Stay True.

CWC<ref>[[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Christian_Weston_Chandler.27s_EXCITING_ANNOUNCEMENT_of_SONICHU_and_Addressing_Things.| Christian Weston Chandler's EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT of SONICHU and Addressing Things.]]</ref>}}

==The battleground==

===="More Than A Feeling"====
[[Image:CWCvsIanGuitar.jpg|thumb|The REAL Chris is not only cute, he can play the guitar!]]
:''See Also: [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]''
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#More_Than_A_Feeling_THE_TRUE_VERSION_by_Christian_Weston_Chandler_.28CWC.29|More Than A Feeling THE TRUE VERSION by Christian Weston Chandler (CWC)]]

For whatever reason, Solid dug up an old video of himself failing at ''Guitar Hero'' and dumped it online. Liquid shot back with a TRUE and HONEST rendition on a real guitar.

====Spanish Challenge====
[[Image:Cestnepas.jpg|thumb|Ceci n'est pas une Chris.]]
:''Main Article: [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''

More [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|video rage]] followed before Solid attempted a cunning plan:

{{quote|También. Mi presente. Responde en español bueño. ¿Si no que bueño? Tu no eres el verdad. Tu eres el impostor.|Solid Chris, ''[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''}}

The plan backfired when [[CWC_Update_29_July_2009#Liquid.27s_response|Liquid responded more fluently in Spanish, French, German, and Japanese]].

====''SingStar'' Challenge====
[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|thumb|Only one clear choice, choosing the TRUE and HONEST Chris.]]
{{Main|SingStar Challenge}}

{{quote|Alright, Christian, Mr. Brown-Striped Impostor, since you have been able to accept and complete my question challenges, it is time to issue a new challenge.|Solid Chris, [[SingStar Challenge|"''SingStar'' Challenge"]]}}

And then he shaved his goatee off. Dry. With a safety razor.

As expected, the contest went to Liquid and Solid was a sore loser about it. Liquid had a tally of four votes in favor, two against. He then took his leave from the competition, after announcing a number of personal coups:
* That he'd finally found a true sweetheart, [[Kacey]].
* That he'd landed a job as a Production Manager and Game Designer at [[Microsoft]] for a ''Sonichu'' game for all consoles.
* That Dark Horse Comics would be publishing his [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], making him even more filthy rich, with the opening of the CWCStore.

And finally, that he had decided to stop battling the Solid, and move out of his parents' house to live in Redmond, Seattle, to continue his happy, successful life.

==="SHOWDOWN"===
{{Main|SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE}}

{{Quote|You’re breaking my balls here.|Solid, [[SHOWDOWN|"SHOWDOWN"]]}}

On 9 [[August 2009]], Liquid called Solid up and confronted him over the slanderous lies he was telling on YouTube. Solid tried reason, and when that failed, he threatened to arrest Liquid for identity theft and involve Bob in this debacle.

{{quotebox|If you do not come clean right now, I am going to get my father in on this further, and you are going to get fucking arrested, thrown in jail, and you will not get to live the peaceful, happy life that Kacey and I would like [voice cracks] you to live because Kacey really cares for you MAN!<ref>[[SHOWDOWN|"SHOWDOWN"]]</ref>}}

==="I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up."===

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_Gs7ZqOl2CA}}
| Stardate = 14 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} Music {{Galpals}} Kacey
| Performance Style = {{Reason}} Reason
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the SingStar Contest. Also, More Updates on Sonichu and Going Places :)|Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the ''SingStar'' Contest. Also, More Updates on ''Sonichu'' and Going Places :)]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
}}

Of course, this sent Solid completely over the deep end. First, he raged:

{{quote|STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, EVERYTHING! STOP HIM! HE DESERVES NOTHING!|Solid Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]]}}

Then, he tried reason:

{{quotebox|The ''Singstar'' Challenge was NEVER to verify who was the real Christian Weston Chandler, because everyone on the [[Internet]] knows that I am, he's the impostor. They should quit encouraging him. And I wish that he would stop his stupid, damn, dirty game. I don't know what the heck is wrong with his head. [''his voice gets higher''] He ain't right. He don't even let me get a word in edgewise. He just keeps going on and on AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNN! Worse than my father!<ref>[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who|"The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who"]]</ref>}}

And as summer disappeared, so too did Liquid Chris: The apparent victim of foul play. Viewer discretion is advised, as the next video is disturbing.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = GONE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CzDj29Vy7ro}}
| Stardate = 15 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence}} [[Death threats]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.|I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#10152009|10152009]]
}}

Chris's sweetheart, [[Kacey]], was distraught over the event and posted a video confirming Chris's disappearance and announcing her withdrawal from their engagement.

===CWCivil War II: Kacey Boogaloo===
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to Boyfriends.]]
{{Main|Kacey}}

Liquid Chris reappeared on 15 [[October 2009]] with a new video explaining the trials and tribulations of the past few months, and igniting a heated love triangle with Solid for Kacey's affections.

In the [[Greetings to Kacey's folks|video]] addressed to Kacey's parents, Solid called him '''"the previous Chris"'''. In a [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|desperate video for Kacey]], Solid called him '''"the other Chris"''' repeatedly.

When the dust had settled, Solid had [[Father Call|offended Kacey's father]] and, through his immaturity, pushed Kacey back into the loving arms of the real Chris.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = 10152009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fLVg6VkxpLY}}
| Stardate = 15 October 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Homos}} Homos {{Rumors}} Rumours
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.|THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.]]
}}

===Epilogue===
Liquid Chris is now married to his beloved sweetheart, [[Kacey]]. As the one TRUE and HONEST creator of Sonichu, his artwork and comics are extremely popular and he often attracts many beautiful [[boyfriend-free]] females with his medallions and his [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar of Win]].

Liquid makes mad [[Clyde Cash|cash]] by selling said medallions at Otakon and other [[anime]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|conventions]] while voicing Solid in ''Sonichu: The Animated Series''. He has also made several hundred thousand dollars from his two critically acclaimed games, ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' and ''Sonichu: The Crystal Chronicles'' for the [[Nintendo]] DS and [[Xbox]] 360, respectively.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V1gEjtmm9M</ref> On 27 July 2011, Liquid bid fond faredieu to the trolling universe on YouTube by closing his account.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = Sonichu's Copyright Proof and Thank You Kacey's Father
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Lav-RaVcYXQ}}
| Stardate = 06 November 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Comics}} Comics
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey|My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey]]
| next = [[Sonichu_Special_4|Conspiracy to ATTEMPT MURDER AGAIN from Ian Brandon Anderson (his Comic Pages)]]
}}

'''VIDEO DESCRIPTION:'''
{{quotebox|Kacey, you Know who is Right, in Your Heart.

Signed,

"Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler (C.W.C)}}

==Irony==
[[File:Liquidd.jpg|thumb|left|Ian acts as the real Chris, in [[100 2270|"100 2270"]].]]
[[Image:LiquidChrisBelieveInMe.jpg|thumb|BELIEVE.]]
IBAChandler has mocked Liquid on several points:

* [[Speech Impediment|His nasal tone.]]
* [[Chris and fashion|His brown striped shirt.]]
* [[Chris and Money|Actually making money off ''Sonichu''.]]
* [[Fat|His appearance.]]

It's a bad sign when one is fighting a mirror, and worse when the mirror is winning.

In early August 2009,<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009]]</ref> Solid began to believe that Liquid couldn't be the real Chris because only the real Christian Weston Chandler is a [[retard]] who is the laughing stock of the Internet. Therefore, the fact that Liquid isn't trolled and doesn't do dumb shit suggests that he isn't the real Chris. Of course, previously mentioned theories seem to disprove this assertion.

In a further fit of irony, Ian ended up impersonating Liquid in a bizarre attempt to woo Liquid's girlfriend, [[Kacey]].

And in a last irony, Ian impersonated Chris who was impersonating him impersonating...or something...in [[100 2270|"100 2270"]].

== In the comic ==
[[Image:TrueAndHonestCWCArt.jpg|The impostor [[Chris]] stole his famous lecture to the [[Jerkops]] from the real Chris.|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|Go, [[IBAChandler]], and copycat-ly [sic] sieze [sic] to the extreme!]]

On 17 [[November 2009]], the TRUE and ORIGINAL Chris-chan made his very first appearance in Ian's [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Ian, being the slanderous troll that he is, had the nerve to imply that Liquid's name was, in fact, Ian Brandon Anderson, and once again tried to convince everyone that he, Solid was the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu.

Of course, since the comic is made by the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler, he would obviously cast the impostor in the comic and call him by his real name. Chris shows much more restraint for Ian than was shown to him in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]].

Chris planned a future plot where [[Giovanni]] captured [[Rosechu]] and forced Chris to cede control over [[CWCville]] to the browned-striped impostor.<ref>[[CWC Blog#20 November 2009]]</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Not TRUE AND ORIGINAL
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ayObshLZQwI}}
| Stardate = 2 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|s1SBdwZDN1k}}
| Stardate = 4 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part III
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dYrgl-otclY}}
| Stardate = 6 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm On Hexbawks. :)]]
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XhENYYmGAeA}}
| Stardate = 25 [[January 2010]]
| Maker = BobbyHillify
| Subject =
| Video Type = Trailer for the upcoming [[Xbox]] game.
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Solid Chris]]
* [[Robert Simmons V|Solidus Chris]]
* [[Jimmy Hill]]
* [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], another doppelganger of Chris featured in the Sonichu comics

==References==
<references/>

== External links ==
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary#g/c/51E59E5BF480DBD4 Archived versions of all of Liquid's videos]
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.se/The_Real_Chris_Chan#.22Christian_Weston_Chandler.22] on [[ED]]

 {{SingStarChallenge}} 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chris, Liquid}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

May 2012

2012-05-07T20:56:40Z

Ferret: Minor pipe

'''May [[2012]]''' kicked off with [[Chris]]' tentative return to the internet amidst more of his egotistical shenanigans. These were primarily centered around his apparent victory over the trolls. "Tricking" them by announcing the return of the [[attraction sign]] at the mall and then figuring he would rather stay home playing [[vidya]], has fueled the fires of his ego to the point of no return. It is worth noting that this month may be one of Chris' last before he is incarcerated following the events of [[28 October 2011]] if he is found guilty.

==Events==
[[Image:133627232947.png|thumb|Drawing of [[The Wallflower]].]]
[[Image:=3.jpg|thumb|left| Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler: master of proportions. Note: [[Julay|People are watching them.]]]]
* 1 May: Chris posts another [[Facebook]] note, still gloating over him tricking the trolls over him being in the mall and reaffirms that he indeed lost his virginity, with an even stronger hint that it was a prostitute.
* 5 May: Chris posts a Facebook note in which he calls on the trolls to leave [[Anna]] alone and also says that he does see his mother in her. Additionally, an old drawing of Wallflower is released
* 6 May: A previously unseen drawing of Chris and [[Jackie]] having sex in a pool is released.
{{Timeline}}

Template:Da update

2012-05-07T01:27:26Z

Ferret:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*5 [[May 2012|May]] - Chris posts a [[Facebook#Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!|note]] on Facebook calling on the trolls to leave [[Anna]] alone and clarifying that he does not see [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] in her.
*1 [[May 2012|May]] - Chris makes another post on Facebook titled "Hey, Trollies", where he continues to gloat over his alleged "victory" over the trolls (despite the fact that he's caused them no damage or humility whatsoever).
*30 [[April 2012|April]] - Chris posts on Facebook saying that the [[JenkinsJinkies]] gay camp experience story wasn't real, comments about his enjoyment over the news that one of his trolls has been caught by the [[Jerkops|FBI]], and makes a gloating [[voicemail greeting]].
*28 [[April 2012|April]]: Chris posts on Facebook that he knows of the [[CWCki]] forums and taunts the trolls with this knowledge.
*26 [[April 2012|April]]: Chris posts on Facebook that he aims to return to use of an [[Attraction Sign]] at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]].
*25 [[April 2012|April]]: Chris posts on Facebook about Derpy, a [[My Little Pony]] character. He's also given a [[ban]] from the [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]].
<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Family Guy

2012-05-06T05:42:41Z

Ferret: /* Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane */

[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

'''''[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Family Guy]]''''' is an animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] rips it off so much in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]], much like the show rips off everything else.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least "borrowing") themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

The specific scene which Chris referenced depicted [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quoting [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being twofold; Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible [[hypocrite|hypocritical]], and, as pointed out by [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]], he is too infantile to properly consider Biblical scripture, a dig at ''precisely'' the sort of [[religion|brainless Bible-thumping]] Chris exhibits. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

It is notable that [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] holds almost the complete opposite beliefs as Chris — he is [[Wikipedia:Liberalism (United States)|liberal]], [[Thorg|atheist]], supports [[Homos|gay]] marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing MacFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.
{{quote|"Why is it that Johnny Spaghetti Stain in fucking Georgia can knock a woman up, legally be married to her, and then beat the shit out of her, but these two intelligent, sophisticated writers who have been together for 20 years can't get married?"|Seth MacFarlane, supporting gay rights }}
Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears]]</ref> When he's angry — in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] — Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].

A majority of the show is based off its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. The jokes would fly right over any kid's head, yet Chris believes that kids would find the show so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, most of which are lewd.
===In ''Sonichu''===
The series is the "inspiration" for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]. Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his "skitch" in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, poorly drawn, boring shit on his own.

[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] featured the line "Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'" as an apparent example of dirty talk; in [[Wikipedia:Emission Impossible|Emission Impossible]]" "Insert rod support A into slot B," was an example of awful innuendo. Meanwhile, [[Bubbles Rosechu]] asks [[Blake]] what he wished for and he says "It's already come true"; this could be directly from [[Wikipedia:Sixteen Candles|''Sixteen Candles'']], but could also be from the [[parody]] of this scene in ''Family Guy''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s "[[Wikipedia:PTV (Family Guy)|PTV]]".

The "Spring Break" plotline also owes a lot to Meg and Lois's story in "[[Wikipedia:A Fish out of Water (Family Guy)|A Fish out of Water]]", including the bit where every channel is showing Spring Break, even the news channels.

The "[[homos|gay]] vaccine" storyline from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' 10]] was partially inspired by the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]", where Peter becomes gay after being injected with the gay gene.<ref>[[Kacey Call 16]]</ref>

==Chris and Meg==
{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his drawings.

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him. However, he revealed this to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, though to what purpose remains to be seen.

Chris also wrote about her in [[Mailbag 20]]:
{{blockquote|She has a fun and sweet personality; she is very pretty; she is smart; what is there NOT to like about her? Nothing from my point of view.}}
==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give Megan more respect, because she [[Chris and writing|IS VERY BEATIFUL]] in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the {{CWCipedia link|Family Guy|plot he posted}} on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

At no point does Chris suggest anything that could possibly lead into a joke. Even if you don't like the show, you've got to admit that it's funnier than what he suggests.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos]]exuality, his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]] and issues with the plot that only someone with [[autism]] would notice. Also, the tower incident that [[Chris]] is referring to takes place in the ''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story''. However, Chris is wrong about it causing Stewie to be straight. This is because it is pretty obviously hinted in this movie that he is gay, as he is a virgin at 30, still shows very flamboyant tendencies and is very reluctant to have sex with a woman.

Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

*''"Megan does not deserve [[Kick the Autistic|the abuse]] she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!"''

*''"Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up [[Straight]]."''

*''"[[Wikipedia:Chris Griffin|Chris]] finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 6)|Season 6]], Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 7)|Season 7]]?"''

*''"While I can see [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brain]] looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?"''

*''"In "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to Multiverse]]", in the "[[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]]" Universe, Stewie asks [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Greene]] through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my [[PS3]], the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's [[Adult Swim]]. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some."''

*Chris wants American Dad to have "[[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Haley]]" in more episodes.

*He does not care for all the [[pickle|dick]] jokes in ''The Cleveland Show''.

==Other mentions==
Chris recycles ''Family Guy'' jokes at every opportunity, usually so out-of-context that they make no sense.

*In [[CWC's Second Message]], he was angry that people were saying he was a [[pedofork]], like [[Wikipedia:Herbert (Family Guy)|Herbert]].
*Chris said "SHAZZAM!" when [[Vanessa AIM Chat 2|cybering with "Vanessa Hudgens"]], a joke borrowed from "[[Wikipedia:The Perfect Castaway|The Perfect Castaway]]" and "[[Wikipedia:Fifteen Minutes of Shame|Fifteen Minutes of Shame]]."
*Chris constantly described ''[[Asperchu]]'' as "blocky" and "low-resolution"<ref>[[Mailbag 41]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 43]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 45]]</ref>, which is taken from "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]."
*In [[Rollin' and Trollin']], Chris called [[Obama]] "a regular stand-up family guy."
*In [[Kacey Call 11]], Chris talks about how he hated finding out that Stewie is gay. He also claimed that ''Family Guy'' was temporarily cancelled in 2002 because everyone was "distracted" by [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]], even though it had already been temporarily cancelled in 2000 due to low ratings, and they hadn't been getting any better in 2001.
*In [[Kacey Call 22]], Chris told her that he ignores it, or turns down the volume, when Stewie acts gay or when pro-homo scenes appear in ''Family Guy''.
*The story [[JenkinsJenkies]] told about his [[Trollin Train|gay experience]] at camp was allegedly inspired by Peter's parrot squawking "I had a gay experience at camp!" in "[[Wikipedia:Long John Peter|Long John Peter]]".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref><ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>
*Chris's knowledge of [[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormonism]] is mainly derived from "[[Wikipedia:The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz|The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz]]."<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>
*Chris has referred to his obesity as a "[[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha]] belly"; this is probably taken from "[[Wikipedia:To Love and Die in Dixie|To Love and Die in Dixie]]."
*Chris imitated Peter (horribly) when talking to [[Clyde Cash]] in [[Mumble 4]]: ''"Hey listen, Peter Griffin, he's a family guy and he's [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] and yet look at his life!"''
==Other MacFarlane shows==
[[File:Seth.PNG|300px|right]]
===''American Dad!''===
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley." [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]]. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of marijuana jokes or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

===''The Cleveland Show''===
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, a recent episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100 2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to Jackie's chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''
==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Chris and remorse

2012-05-05T12:48:27Z

Ferret: /* Motivation to apologize */

Every so often, one of the horrendous things [[Chris]] continually does catches up with him, and he is forced to apologize. These apologies, like most of the other times Chris tries to come off as emotional, often feel very forced and insincere, leading many [[trolls]] to wonder if Chris is even capable of feeling '''remorse'''.

It's not out of the question. A common trait of [[autism]] is a lack of empathy, meaning it's likely that Chris has a difficult time trying to understand what other people feel. Just as time and time again he's shown himself unable to understand others' feelings of [[Chris and death|loss or sadness]], he seems equally incapable of understanding how his actions could possibly hurt or anger others. When he is expected to show remorse, it often seems as though he is just going through the motions, making the absolute minimum effort to get whoever he has upset to stop pestering him, so he can go back to his oblivious existence playing [[PS3]].

==Concept of Wrongdoing==

Developing an understanding of right and wrong is an important part of a child's development. Very young children don't actually take into consideration what is ethically the right or wrong thing to do. They base their actions on whether they are punished and rewarded, before they eventually internalize a consistent value system and learn to police their own behavior. Chris seems to be stuck in the earlier, childlike state. If something makes him feel bad, or if experience tells him he'll get in trouble for doing something, it must be wrong. If it makes him feel good, or looks like it could have potential rewards, it must be right. Other considerations, such as what his [[Chris and religion|supposed faith]] prescribes or how this will affect others, simply do not rank.

An excellent example would be how Chris managed to destroy his relationship with [[Megan]]. Chris was at war with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], who were, among other things, calling him [[gay]]. In an attempt to disprove their allegations, Chris uploaded [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a certain image]] to the website, apparently under the belief that that sort of information overload would get them to shut up. When the denizens of ED assumed the image was of Crystal, Chris was quick to correct them. At no point did he even consider Megan's feelings. When she [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|called him out]], Chris didn't realize he had done anything wrong, and assumed she was upset simply because she didn't watch enough [[Chris and sex|porn]].

{{Quote|I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of [[Chris and English|outtercourse]] (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you. I'm sorry.|Chris, [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|not getting it at all]].}}

As such, Chris isn't really capable of remorse or a sincere apology. The natural precursor to an apology is the internal realization that one has done something wrong, a realization that Chris's childish, self-centered mindset will not allow him to reach. In his mind, he's done something "wrong" only when the people around him react negatively. Furthermore, as a rule, he assumes that their reaction is just the result of some misunderstanding, reasoning that if he was just given the chance to explain what he was trying to accomplish, they would understand, and all would be forgiven.

==Motivation to apologize==
[[Image:VivianLetsTalkBusiness.PNG|thumb|TL;DR I'm sorry, now give me money.]]
As explained above, Chris's logic when it comes to matters of right and wrong is almost wholly reactionary. His rationale for apologizing follows the same pattern. He issues them only when made fully aware that he won't get what he wants unless he at least tries to appear genuinely remorseful.

Every apology Chris has ever made can be immediately connected to something Chris wants, and thinks he'll get if he says the magic words "I'm sorry". We almost never have to guess what that thing might be, he almost always mentions his desired goal in the same paragraph, sometimes even in the next sentence.
{{Quote|I wish to apologize to Michael Schneider for that mistake I made over nine months ago that got me kicked out of The GAMe PLACe... I miss my Friday nights over there… and also... y’all are the only place in town that has, uh, Eye of Judgment cards.|Chris, [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apologizing in order to buy stuff]].}}
{{Quote|I apologize for the past unformalities[sic] and emotional outbursts in past communications... I ask for 25% of all money... you have and will have made from all [the [[audiobooks]]] you have put together and sold.|Chris, apologizing for sending [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] a fucking [[Death threats|death threat]].}}
[[File:154-ApologyLetter.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
Because Chris's apologies spring from this simplistic cause-and-effect mentality, things tend to get interesting when whoever he's issuing them to tells him that all is not well, and that he is not forgiven. In [[I am Alive|one notable case]], he admitted to ungentlemanly conduct regarding his feud with [[Asperchu]]. It was a fairly obvious attempt to get [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia_Advertisements|certain ads removed from the CWCipedia]], but, notably, he announced his intention to kill off the character of [[Simonla Rosechu]], in accordance with [[Evan|her creator's]] wishes. He didn't act quickly enough, and CWCipedia was taken down from the web altogether. Although his anger was understandable, Chris revealed in [[9 February 2010|his next video]] that he had never intended to kill Simonla in the first place, and that the apology was not TRUE and HONEST. We had all suspected, but it's nice to get confirmation once in a while. After CWCipedia returned, he did indeed kill Simonla, but only under pressure, and in the most contrived, dull, yet very lulzy way possible.

The one apology that arguably highlights Chris's insincerity the most is his in-comic apology to the Asperpedia Four, which takes place ''while [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|condemning them to death]]''. The cognitive dissonance this creates would be overwhelming to any sane person, but [[Autism|for some reason]], Chris thought that this ludicrous non-apology apology was both okay and that the recipients would accept it as genuine. In that very same issue in fact, Chris at one point sheds a tear after sealing up the populated [[4-cent garbage.com]] building and destroying it. You know, because faking remorse with crocodile tears ''totally'' justifies mass murder.

Chris's insincerity can also be seen in Chris's misadventures with [[The Wallflower]]. When the shit hit the fan and she cut off all ties with him, he made his usual [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pathetic display of sorrow]], making it very clear in the process that he only wanted her for [[sex]]. When his apology failed to work as planned, Chris became very angry and spiteful, and started [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|demanding that she apologize for hurting ''his'' feelings]].
{{-}}

==Common traits of a CWC apology==

===Explanation===
One recurring element in Chris's admissions of guilt is an explanation of why he did whatever he's apologizing for. The way these speeches are worded often indicates that Chris believes that if we just understood his intentions, we would all agree with him, and that nobody would be offended.

A famous example appears in the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]] video. Chris explains that yes, he videotaped himself performing a selection of disturbing sex acts, but it was all for his sweetheart [[Ivy]], and this evidently renders his actions understandable and acceptable. Supposedly speaking to a young child who was shocked by his behavior, he tells her that his behavior was perfectly reasonable because he is both adult and human. This combination of warped logic and an even more warped world-view was a crucial component of his breakthrough to mainstream infamy.

Another good example would be the time he [[Twin Falling Towers|used the worst terrorist attack in American history for an exceedingly bad joke]]. After learning that [[Kacey]] came from a military family, Chris did what was expected of him and made a [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|public apology]]. However, he was more concerned with continuing to slander [[Clyde Cash]] and assuring us he was a good American (although he didn't know the words to his own national anthem)<ref>[[Mumble 7#summary|Mumble Chat 7]]</ref><ref>[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]</ref> than with actually expressing remorse and making an attempt at recompense.
[[Image:SnuffOutClyde.jpg|thumb|This looks like a good idea.]]
{{Quote|The joke was mainly directed to how WEAK Clyde Cash was only, I had no idea or intention of offending anyone, other than Clyde, on such a massive world-wide level.|[[Apology_for_9/11_Joke#Apology_image_text|Chris's written apology]].}}

Within the same video, he changed the photoshop he'd done of the World Trade Center towers into birthday candles. That he saw no problem in presenting an image of the two buildings on fire and repeatedly calling them weak while he asserted that he was a good American proves that he [[Slow-in-the-mind|completely missed the point]] of what he was supposed to be apologizing for. He was far more concerned with sullying Clyde's name than with any blowback or offense his comments might have caused.

===Rationalization===

Chris is incredibly self-righteous. In his mind he is the only decent man left in the world, and everybody else is a stupid, evil [[JERKS|JERK]] who is jealous of his [[Chris and his Ego|many]] [[Chris and Reality|"successes"]] in life. This mindset gives Chris all the justification he needs to mistreat others, because as far as he's concerned they're all the bad guys, standing in the way of his [[Love Quest|heroic quest]].

This "everything I do is right" mindset shows through when he is forced to talk about his prior transgressions. Chris might offer a half-assed apology, simply to conform to the wishes of whoever he's talking to, but it will often be accompanied with a long explanation as to why he ''had'' to do it.

{{Quote|I was wrong... I pretended to be him yet he was the liar. I'm the real deal... So on that one part I was wrong for the right reasons.|Chris, [[I Love You Kacey|almost admitting wrongdoing]].}}

He exhibited this self-righteous attitude many times in the [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid Chris]] saga: because he is the TRUE and HONEST Christian, this gave him the right to [[For Kacey from CWC|attempt to steal Liquid's girlfriend by]] [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be him]], and then [[SHE IS MINE NOW|gloat about it once he apparently achieved his aim]]. Once again, Chris saw no wrong in this. Since Liquid wronged him by trolling him in the first place, anything he did in response was entirely justified.

==Retraction==

Chris, believing that his actions are always right, nearly always has to be pressured into making any form of apology at all. Most, if not all, of his apology messages are motivated by the people he [[Fuck Quest|physically desires]] (be they obvious troll or otherwise) or [[Asperchu|desires to appease]], rather than the public outcry he causes, and certainly not by any true sense of guilt. A retraction of an apology is just as hollow as the apology itself, in that Chris is quite happy to lie to [[Chris and his ego|save face]] or gain [[china|something he wants]]. For instance, Chris '''finally''' [[02 March 2010|'sincerely' apologized to Alec and Mao]] for his actions to them on 2 March 2010. However, only a month later, on 8 April, he was talking to [[Jackie_e-mails#Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents|Jackie]] and, in an attempt to gain sympathy from her, claimed that Alec was "trying to one-up [him] for months now".

When trolls hacked his PSN accounts, Chris made [[a near public apology]]. A blatant attempt to get his PSN account back, the apology was, of course, chock full of lies and insincerity.

One of his favorite ways to smite his [[Clyde Cash|invisible internet enemies]] and [[jerkop|real-life foes alike]] is to lay a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] upon them; thinking that he has powers akin to something more along the lines of Wicca, Voodoo, or Goku from [[Things Chris has ripped off|DBZ]] than with the [[Chris and religion|Christianity]] he practices. He only issued the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]] after [[Kacey|his latest e-girlfriend]] told him that he shouldn't have used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in the first place..

Considering that he [[Surfshack Tito (video)|quickly returned]] to his ways of cursing, [[Don't Mess With Me|threatening]], and [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|insulting]] his enemies, the sentiment obviously didn't stick.

==Shifting blame==

When Chris isn't trying to justify the trouble he causes, he usually resorts to blaming others. The most famous example is him blaming [[ED]] for the end of his friendship with [[Megan]], even though it was because of a picture he himself thought up, drew, and then uploaded to his [[ED|article]]. Chris had it literally screamed at him in [[Mumble 3]], but then, as now, he still doesn't know the true reason. The best anyone has ever been able to extract from Chris is that he came on too strong. While technically true, this is a vast understatement which fails to capture the massive amount of fault which lies with Chris (that is to say, all of it).

====The Wallflower====

Chris went to great lengths to keep the knowledge of [[The Wallflower]] away from the slanderous trolls of the Internet. However, he foolishly credited her by her screen name during one of his sycophantic Little Big Planet levels and the trolls used that to find her Facebook page... which then led to a massive dump of info about her on the CWCki. When she was later linked to said CWCki, and horrified at the amount of information available about her, she requested that the CWCki admins remove the information since she really had very little to do with Chris and didn't deserve such a descriptive page about her. ''(Note: naturally, since her request seemed reasonable, the CWCki admins complied and replaced all references to her with a pseudonym.)''

Frightened and disgusted by what she had found, [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|she broke off all contact with Chris]], including even casual association. She also clarified to the CWCki admins that they had never dated, never had any kind of relationship beyond casual association, and before her introduction to the CWCki she really didn't know much about him at all. Chris, however, [[Chris and reality|not to be deterred]], proclaimed many times that they had [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#What_had_happened|been on several dates]], and [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#What_had_happened|"Shared DNA"]], along with enjoying a kiss and massage. Since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally... [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|Chris had either momentarily forgotten that he had never been kissed]], something that would have been a monumental occasion in his life, lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed, or lied to Jackie about ''not'' being kissed (though that is very unlikely). Either way, he still lied about the kiss, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).

With ALL the above in mind... in the month following their "breakup", Chris would go on to blame The Wallflower for [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#The_Breakup|having an internet presence at all]]. In Chris's warped view of things, the reason that she broke up with him was because, by allowing herself to have a Facebook page and other information, ''she enabled herself to suffer because of Chris's actions''. Chris mentioned that he was ready to accept an apology ''from her'' at their social group meeting, when the reality was he should have been the one offering most sincere groveling for allowing his reprehensible behavior to be [[CWCki|published]]. Over a year after the debacle, though, it seems that Chris has [[Calling Out|begun to accept ''some'']] of the blame from the ordeal, though he has now shifted it towards Surfshack Tito.

====Forgetting====

Aside from directly shifting the blame by [[list of Chris's lies|lying]], Chris has been frequently known to 'forget' important, critical details of his life, typically ones that make him look bad. When [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] was flirting with him by e-mails and found out about the CWCki, she asked Chris about cheating on [[Ivy]] with [[Vanessa]], the full details of which are documented right [[Ivy|here]]. Chris, of course, claimed flat out that the whole thing was a troll deception and that Jackie shouldn't believe it. When Jackie informed Chris she found a video of him admitting it and confessing, Chris claimed he [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_3#Chris "Forgot" He Cheated On Ivy|"forgot" this "portion"]].

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|October 27th in 2008]], Chris nervously announced he had found his one true sweetheart; [[Chloe]]. Many things immediately leapt out at the trolls as being lies, including his previous announcements on an [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|IRC chat]]. Due to Chris's unreliable short-term memory and inaction on the part of [[trolls]], after the 27 October video Chloe was never mentioned again in a video by Chris. A little more than a year later, in [[Mailbag 13]], rather than simply admit he was lying, Chris claimed "I currently have no recollection of a Chloe", even though she was supposedly the woman he had his first real kiss with.

In [[Mumble 6#On The Trans-gender Community|Mumble 6]], the troll army called out Chris on his statements regarding transgendered women. Chris claims that he forgot his previous statement, which may or may not be completely honest. In any event, Chris has discovered that (real or otherwise) a faulty memory is a socially acceptable way to dodge probing questions about ones past lies.

== Index of Chris's apologies ==

Below is an abridged list of Chris's various apologies for his many, many misdeeds. Small apologies may have been missed here and there, but these are the big ones.

*When Megan [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|called Chris out on his reprehensible actions]] regarding the porn he drew of her, he first [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris apologizes for something, what could it be?|copy-pasted "Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you."]] fifteen times in an e-mail to her, then [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|went into detail about how a handjob works]], figuring that [[virgin with rage|sexual frustration]] and [[naive|ignorance]] were the root causes of her [[chris and anger|anger]]. Projecting, much?
*After Chris was banned from [[The Game Place]], he tried several times to get unbanned. The first was [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|a video where Chris apologies just so he can buy more junk]]. The [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|second]] was where he prepared a script, stashed a camera in his pocket, then walked into The Game Place to confront [[Michael Snyder]], claiming he had changed and apologizing for his actions. After Michael flatly refused to listen and called the cops, Chris berated him on religious grounds then called him a Jew.
*After threatening [[Vivian]]'s life when she made better [[audiobooks]] than he did, Chris apologized to her... then made a demand for a cut of her "profits", the two sentences separated by only a single dot.
*In [[I am Alive]], Chris apologizes for his ungentlemanly conduct in regard to Asperchu. This was a transparent attempt to get the [[homo]] ads removed from the [[CWCipedia]] and his behavior [[9 February 2010|subsequent]] to this apology proved he meant nothing he said in the video.
*In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris apologized to the Asperchu Four ''while simultaneously having them brutally executed'', including having one of them killed by a [[Sandy|toddler]].
*After [[April 16 Fetish Vids|filming himself performing sex acts for Ivy]], Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|apologized for his actions]] but structured his apology to state that his behavior was, in fact, completely normal and that [[Ching Chong]] shouldn't feel bad for watching it.
*In [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions]], Chris apologized for cheating on [[Ivy]].
*After [[Twin Falling Towers|mocking the worst act of domestic terrorism]] in United States history, Chris made a subsequent [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|apology video]]... which featured the Twin Towers as candles on a birthday cake, complete with multiple gouts of flame flying from the top.
*When [[Kacey]] discovered Chris had pretended to be the [[Liquid Chris|other, better Chris]] in order to get a travel visa to [[China]], Chris apologized by way of his video [[I Love You Kacey|"I Love You Kacey"]], where he claimed he "...was wrong for the right reasons."
*Chris '''finally''' [[02 March 2010|'sincerely' apologized to Alec and Mao]] for his actions to them on the 2nd of March. However, only a month later on the 8th of April he was talking to [[Jackie_e-mails#Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents|Jackie]] and, in an attempt to gain sympathy from her, claimed that Alec was "trying to one-up [him] for months now".

==Sources==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris in the media

2012-05-01T18:17:55Z

Ferret: /* Sega Acknowledges Sonichu */

[[Image:The truth about cwc.jpg|thumb|right|Just you wait..]]
[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Television, newspapers, magazines and, of course, the internet - if Chris can find some way to get his 15 minutes of fame, he'll do it.

==Traditional Media==
===''Richmond Times-Dispatch''===

{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''[[Wikipedia:Richmond Times-Dispatch|Richmond Times-Dispatch]]'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to "Christian". This was Chris's first known appearance in the media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in [[1994]] chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===

{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In [[1999]], Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 at the time, and he was playing Pokémon cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as eight]].

===''Nintendo Power'' Magazine===

{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how he used a [[Sprung|video game]] to cure his [[Noviophobia|fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's Animal Crossing video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===Shoujo Beat===

{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an anime-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonely virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

=== WBCN Toucher and Rich ===

{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio podcast in Boston. The whole media furor was sparked by the [[I Got A Fish]] video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].<ref>[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145]</ref>

=== KROQ ''The Kevin and Bean Show''===

{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts Kevin and Bean. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

=== ''Web Soup'' ===

{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's I Got A Fish video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]]. Days later, Chris realizes that ''Web Soup'' is a show devoted to making fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|stupid people]] on the internet like himself.

=== ''Slylock Fox'' ===
[[File:SonichuSlylockFox25Sep2011.JPG|thumb|115px|"Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9"]]
On 25 September 2011, ''Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids'', a comic strip strip published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image<ref>[http://content.comicskingdom.net/Slylock/Slylock.20110925.gif]</ref> of [[Sonichu]] in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read: "Today's terrific artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9." It is unknown if Chris submitted it himself or if this is the work of [[trolls]]. The strip's author, Bob Weber Jr., admitted on the Comics Curmudgeon blog<ref>[http://joshreads.com/?p=10951#comment-1014594]</ref> that he fully believed that the "artist" was nine years old (rather than twenty-nine) when he selected the drawing out of the dozens that are submitted to the strip every week.

=== ''The Opie & Anthony Show'' ===
''The Opie & Anthony Show'' on Sirius XM satellite radio which is broadcasted to 18.5 million units did a commentary segment on Christian's video response to drinking his own cum and shitting his adult diapers. It is unknown whether the man child has realized that his autistic antics have technically been broadcasted to low earth orbit.
{{Infobox/video
|name= Opie and Anthony: Chris Chan
|video= {{#ev:youtube|gLYvMLHZfFo}}
}}

==Major Internet media==

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [[Wikipedia:Fark|Fark]] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].<ref>[http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked]</ref>

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on the internet has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about the Internet made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Bob Chandler|par]][[Barbara Chandler|ents]], sponges off the [[monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Harry Partridge===
[[Image:HappyHarryRosechu.jpg|thumb|125px|"Actually, it is excellent; I would not change a thing about it." -Chris, [[Mailbag 9]]]]
Animator Harry Partridge (best known for his [[parody|slanderous mockery]] [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Saturday Morning ''Watchmen'']]) has made several references to Chris and Sonichu, the first of which being a drawing of [[Rosechu]] uploaded to Newgrounds.<ref>[http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/happyharry/rosechu ]</ref> An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "A Nicolas Cage Wants Cake", a musical remix of a scene from ''[[Family Guy|The Family Man]]''.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesa]</ref> In the animated short "Skyrim", [[Son-Chu]]'s "SONICHU" license plate can be seen in the background during the first scene.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY]</ref> In the Followup, "Song of Skyrim", Chris makes a brief cameo in the crowd scene.

When interviewing Harry Partridge on Animation Aficionados, the hosts asked Harry about Chris's cameos in some of his videos (from 0:19:43). The discussion the hosts have with Harry about Chris is quite lengthy, during which Mr. Partridge admits that he is "obsessed with him":<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

{{Quote|1=I really am obsessed with him... I check [[CWCki|''Sonichu.com'']], the wiki about Chris-chan and his weird life, if not daily, every couple of hours... there must be more written about Chris-chan than George Washington. |2=Harry Partridge|3=}}

===Atop the Fourth Wall===
Comic reviewer Linkara goes on a brief tirade in his video "Top 15 Things I Will Never Review" about [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.<ref>[http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html]</ref>

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is... Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I hadn't heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara}}

Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' because he didn't want to engage in potential drama. At the end of the video, he uses Weird Al's "Do I Creep You Out" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
In one episode of ''=3'' (pronounced "equals three"), vlogger Ray William Johnson made fun of Chris's habit of drinking his cum. Though he never gave Chris's name, (referring to him inaccurately as "your average ''[[Captain's Log|Star Trek]]'' nerd) he did provide a link to Chris's old channel.

===Something Awful===
The last episode of Something Awful's “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php]</ref>

Also, the first episode of The Flash Tub's "Gaming Guyz", while not mentioning Chris outright, directly references his [[Medallion]], and how [[Sonic]] cured his [[Autism]] in Part 12.<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/flash-tub/gaming-guys-cartoon.php]</ref>

===SpliceToday.com===
An article<ref>[http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler]</ref> posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his kitchen microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] posted on [[Wikipedia:Twitter|Twitter]]<ref>[http://twitpic.com/s7pfi]</ref> an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

===Sega Acknowledges Sonichu===
On 13 [[January 2012]], [[Sega]] of America made a brief reference to Sonichu in one of their "Free Stuff Friday" videos when talking about a Super [[Sonic]] plush they were giving away. While this is not [[TRUE and HONEST]] [[Sonichu]] [[Jimmy Hill|merchandise]], it shows that several Sega employees are aware of Sonichu's existence. Jump to 3:50 in the linked video.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnoq4-Mhpgc&feature=plcp&context=C3339408UDOEgsToPDskLt-QBTt2G-JGOVz5W_wy4Z]</ref>
{{Infobox/video
|name= SEGA's Free Stuff Friday - January 13, 2012
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Cnoq4-Mhpgc&feature=plcp&context=C3339408UDOEgsToPDskLt-QBTt2G-JGOVz5W_wy4Z}}
}}

==References==
<references/>
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

Father Call

2012-04-30T16:17:33Z

Ferret: /* The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan */

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

On the fourth of [[November 2009|November, 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''[[Troll|Matthew Devoria]]''' (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is apparently a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], inability to grow up, [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[Obesity|being overweight]], and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Summary==
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious sounding claims about his weight-lifting prowess. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on these claims, and instead hand the phone over to her father, Matthew.
* Matthew is fairly civil toward Chris to begin with, though it's immediately obvious that Matthew doesn't have much respect for him. Matthew begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a Pokemon Gym Leader seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding [[monthly tugboat]]. Matthew asks if any hypothetical children of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic (or "'tard babies" to use Matthew's phrasing), and while Chris denies that they would be, Matthew checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris [[lie]]s during the call, and while Matthew goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous when Chris does it again.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named Crystal. Not only does Matthew consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and thinks it's more appropriate for a stripper.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, Chris is questioned on why [[Liquid Chris]] (who Matthew will sing the praises of many times during the call) was impersonating him. Solid Chris's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with Sonichu. Matthew is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on Sonichu, before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matthew brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers|Chris's little 9/11 video]], and says that he found it especially offensive, since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center that day. Chris's only response is to say the video was really [[Clyde Cash]]'s fault, because he was being mean to Chris.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matthew tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, including having to pull up weeds, mow the lawn, move furniture, and bury his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matthew is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother.
* Chris doesn't let the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working discourage him, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matthew, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he won't come to D.C. to meet Kacey.
* Matthew accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions his tour of [[14 Branchland Court]] as proof that Chris is lazy and unwilling to take responsibility. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, causing Matthew to sarcastically comment on his lack of maturity, only for Chris to miss the sarcasm and think Matthew is actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, Chris tries to compare the effort of tidying his house with the effort Matthew spent carrying his dead colleague back to base. Matthew is ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matthew to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''... and then starts describing the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a vaguely correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story.
* Matthew says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat, and Chris ''completely'' misses the point and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Needless to say, Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his monthly tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matthew points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matthew off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be eighty-four per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by this, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American born and bred. Matthew points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots don't make videos mocking 9/11.
* Matthew decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11. Matthew tells Chris that he must be [[naive]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of the word "naive" and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtract on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his Elementary School principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matthew brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriately "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" to be a cast-iron rule, rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly attempts to end the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit; Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Transcript==
===Matthew makes the scene===

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, fifty-pound weights...not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s- good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good, good... So, uh... So, I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an- with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see... You got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w- yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for, like, uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]... I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off, I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at...''Target''... I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean...surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27...sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm...yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know... but I mean, if I- if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh... I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for three years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had- I did- I have done volunteer work... Uh...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the- I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens' Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading [[Card games|Card Game]] league a few years back...

'''Matthew:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Matthew:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And- um- that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. So about ten years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for ten years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah, but also, like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting... but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? And, I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have- I have been- I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that, I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right... Well, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pok-e-man'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for a while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though... I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my- of the house.

'''Matthew:''' ...With her help?

'''Chris:''' ...And get a place of my own...

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know...um... Some details I'm not understand... I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Matthew:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know...I keep between myself...

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, if you can't s-s- If you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the 'Tard-baby===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh...

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um...

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar... I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go... What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see... If you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' ''[extremely uncomfortable laughter]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Matthew:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Matthew:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Matthew:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and [[chores]]===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Matthew:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I... [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

'''Matthew:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...

===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Matthew:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I do know. Because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I... am an [[United_States_of_America|American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...[[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''Cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[stress|STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Matthew:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==

*[[Niggo|Niggo-rigged]] audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Attraction Sign

2012-04-30T13:32:17Z

Ferret: Undo revision 159842 by Ferret (talk)

{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|[[CWC]]<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]

[[Chris]] uses an '''Attraction Sign''' during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Surprisingly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting with an Attraction Sign actually had the opposite effect on da ladies.

An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman."<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref>

==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and [[ED|lulzy]] of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign]]

:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu]]'s face][[Chris and copyright|©]] ➨
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''

Chris had other ideas beyond signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''

==The Sign through the ages==
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]]

One reason for the multiple signs is that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new signs and spamming them all over campus.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>

<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
</gallery></center>

It is also known that, after the loss of his Sign at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], he resorted to [[Wikipedia:Post-it note|Post-It Notes]] stuck to [[Pedo-Glasses|his glasses]] and walking uncomfortably close to girls. This did not last long either.{{cite}}

==Hiatus==
Chris deserted the sign for a brief period.

{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow in the mind|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}
==Return of the Sign==

In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and exposing [[Muscle bra|his bra]] saying "Want Woman!" over [[Obesity|his flabby gut]], thus showing that he's not even trying anymore.<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While less pleasant and more direct than the Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out of touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.

A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract a woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and throwing it at her. Combined with the earlier "Want Woman!" tactic, this caused several [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to turn into some sort of caveman.

Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris has reverted to the Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that he shouldn't show children his [[sports bra]]. Hilarity can be expected to ensue if this behavior continues.

On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new sign that read "[[Homos|Friendly and Flirty Man Zone]]".<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what [[trolls|experts]] believe is probably a desperate attempt to make himself look fun and cool. '''Spoiler Alert:''' It didn't work.

In a 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he plans to wear a sign around his neck that says, "If you like me, tell me!"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Comeback==
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status reveals that Chris plans to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]]

{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>}}

He later revealed in another note that he was [[Lie|lying]] in an attempt to [[troll]] the [[trolls]]. Obviously, it didn't work.<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Attraction Sign

2012-04-30T13:31:10Z

Ferret:

{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|[[CWC]]<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]

[[Chris]] uses an '''Attraction Sign''' during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Surprisingly, the sight of a [[Obesity|fat]], [[sweaty, smelly|Hygiene]] manchild soliciting with an Attraction Sign actually had the opposite effect on da ladies.

An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman."<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref>

==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and [[ED|lulzy]] of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign]]

:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu]]'s face][[Chris and copyright|©]] ➨
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''

Chris had other ideas beyond signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''

==The Sign through the ages==
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]]

One reason for the multiple signs is that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new signs and spamming them all over campus.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>

<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
</gallery></center>

It is also known that, after the loss of his Sign at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], he resorted to [[Wikipedia:Post-it note|Post-It Notes]] stuck to [[Pedo-Glasses|his glasses]] and walking uncomfortably close to girls. This did not last long either.{{cite}}

==Hiatus==
Chris deserted the sign for a brief period.

{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow in the mind|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}
==Return of the Sign==

In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and exposing [[Muscle bra|his bra]] saying "Want Woman!" over [[Obesity|his flabby gut]], thus showing that he's not even trying anymore.<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While less pleasant and more direct than the Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out of touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.

A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract a woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and throwing it at her. Combined with the earlier "Want Woman!" tactic, this caused several [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to turn into some sort of caveman.

Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris has reverted to the Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that he shouldn't show children his [[sports bra]]. Hilarity can be expected to ensue if this behavior continues.

On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new sign that read "[[Homos|Friendly and Flirty Man Zone]]".<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what [[trolls|experts]] believe is probably a desperate attempt to make himself look fun and cool. '''Spoiler Alert:''' It didn't work.

In a 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he plans to wear a sign around his neck that says, "If you like me, tell me!"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Comeback==
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status reveals that Chris plans to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]]

{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>}}

He later revealed in another note that he was [[Lie|lying]] in an attempt to [[troll]] the [[trolls]]. Obviously, it didn't work.<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Facebook statuses

2012-04-30T13:28:48Z

Ferret: Evil pipe :c

Chris had funny [[Facebook]] statuses on his old profile, and continues to have them on his current profile.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Time
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is [[Feel So Lonesome|lonesome]] and playin' his [[Video games|videogame]].
| January 10, [[2008]] at 12:37am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is lonesome and playin' his videogame.
| January 10, 2008 at 12:39am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is lonesome and waitin' at the [[University of Virginia|Alderman Library]]
| January 16, 2008 at 3:00am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is lonesome at [[14 Branchland Court|home]].
| January 18, 2008 at 8:45pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is lonesome at home and tired of the snow.
| January 22, 2008 at 3:37am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is lonesome at home
| January 23, 2008 at 8:17pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at the UVA's Alderman Library Lounge This Afternoon.
| January 23, 2008 at 8:20pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at the UVA's Alderman Library's Lounge This Afternoon.
| January 24, 2008 at 2:23am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is at home
| January 24, 2008 at 4:59pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at [[The GAMe PLACe|The Game Place]] this evening for [[Pokémon|Pokemon]] League.
| January 24, 2008 at 11:52pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is at home
| January 25, 2008 at 5:36pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be attending the early service at his [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]]
| January 26, 2008 at 10:18pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is at home
| January 27, 2008 at 6:01pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at the UVA's Alderman Library's Lounge this Afternoon
| January 28, 2008 at 7:27pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at the UVA's Alderman Library's Lounge this Afternoon, [[Virgin with rage|and I am real lonely.]]
| January 28, 2008 at 9:11pm
|-
| I'm not seeing any NEW posts on my wall, please write something pleasant, some [[Gal-pal|gal]].
| January 29, 2008 at 3:13am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at The Game Place this evening for Pokemon League.
| January 31, 2008 at 10:17pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be attending the early service at his church
| February 2, 2008 at 7:14pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is at home
| February 7, 2008 at 9:23am
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler will be at The Game Place this evening for Pokemon League.
| February 7, 2008 at 4:56pm
|-
| Christian Weston Chandler is at home
| February 12, 2008 at 3:44pm
|-
| Open Question; Please Answer. Am I Good Looking or handsome?
| January 29, 2012
|-
| Here is a suggestion, and it would greatly be appreciated. Download (To your phone or handheld), or
Perferably (color) Print, my Profile Photo. Share with me as many of y'all's female friends. Ask them each if they think I look cute, good, attractive or not. And if they ask, tell them I am single. And if they ask How I am still single; DO NOT HESITATE to inform them, "He is very shy and high-functionally autistic." TELL THEM NOT TO GOOGLE MY NAME, or just leave my name out of the conversation.
| January 30, 2012
|-
| Well, still an open question, do I look attractive in my most current photograph, featured Profile Photo?
| January 30, 2012
|-
| During a time of which, [[The_Tale_Of_The_Crazy_Pacer|"Pacing"]] with said sign stuck onto original DS played the role. I was considered "Crazy", but my actions were greatly misunderstood by the people. "Soliciting?"?!! I had no understanding or awareness of that term until after I was handcuffed Twice; Recorded on file once. I had little respect to the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] in colors other then blue or black. After October 28, 2011; I know have TOTAL Disrespect and Miscontent of the soo-called "Officers of the Badge."
| January 30, 2012
|-
| At the capital [[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square| F.Sq Mall]]; Population: Mild to medium.
| January 30, 2012
|-
| It really makes me feel soo sad, lonely and disappointed to feel soo INVISIBLE IN PUBLIC. I could just Stand in Walking Traffic, and I would ONLY be overlooked and walked through like a ghost of sad, lonely pasts
| January 30, 2012
|-
| I mean, ANYONE can feel sorry for somebody who is worse off, but do THEY actually do ANYTHING for that person? The answer is No. Another thing that makes me sad.
| January 30, 2012
|-
| This Charlottesville "Community" is FULL of Ignorant, Uncaring, Snooty, Snobish Corrupted People.
| January 30, 2012
|-
| Time and Time again, I saw Very Little Success in Attracion. If "Good Looks" attract the opposite gender, and if I have such a good-looking, kind face that may be even considered Remotely Attractive, I would have attracted my woman right away and I would not feel soo crappy and miserable today.
| January 30, 2012
|-
| I am Not looking forward to turning 30. [:_(
| January 30, 2012
|-
| It reminds me of countless times I hung out here from '05 to '07 in the enduring days of my Sweetheart Search. During most of which, I resorted to a method of attraction that I learned later "made me look retarded"; having a sign by my side stating, "##- Year Old, Single Male, searching for an 18 - ## year old Single Woman."
| January 30, 2012
|-
| February is coming up... My birthday's on the 24th... I'll be 30... Still a Virgin. I mean, MOST people lose their Virgin Marys BEFORE 21. My mother lost hers in her High School years. My Father lost his at the age of 27. "THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN"!!! DAMN IT! Abstinence is a Very Crappy Joke! It only leads to Growing, GROWing, GROWING EMOTIONAL PAIN over the extended time.
| Janurary 30, 2012
|-
| I miss hanging out with my friends too.
| January 31, 2012
|-
| Chobits. The storybooks Chi reads; they describe me. Chobits available for instant streaming on [[Netflix]]. The anime is very good in its story.
| January 31, 2012
|-
| [[:Image:GAMe_PLACe_Cyber-Bully_Hang-Out_Ad.png‎|Please tell EVERYONE to Stay the HELL Away from that PLACe!!!]] ''[Note: Ad is placed underneath the status update.]''
| January 31, 2012
|-
| The best possible solution for my emotions is to ACTUALLY hang out IN PERSON. IF y'all can get away from your own businesses, romances and work to ACTUALLY Be Better Friends.
| February 1, 2012
|-
| People of [[Charlottesville, VA]] are Insensitive of others, including those of us who are Socially Worse Off than they Snobbishly are.
| February 1, 2012
|-
| Bitch left w.out a reply from me. Confirmed departure; relocated self to Starbucks kiosk leaving chair as-is; Symbolic Middle-Finger to [[Jerkops]]. BTW, [[Janekop]] "threatened" to get the [[Manajerk]]. LOL.
| February 1, 2012
|-
| I am still feeling heartache; including empty-but-few-drops feeling in heart; continuing to wait for Caring, Pretty, White Female Peer.
| February 1, 2012
|-
| Currenty at [[Fashion Square Mall|F.Sq. Pop]]: mild to med. Approached by B.Male Jerkop in white; asked me to re-rotate comfy chair I'm sitting in; I Ignored the S.O.B. ;j Now being approached by W. Janekop; ignoring bitch.
| February 1, 2012
|-
| [[Bob|Heartache]]. heartache... [[Chris and English|helaerttttttttacheewi]].....
| February 2, 2012
|-
| I feel a little better, but the heartaches are still here. Doctor Perscribes Hanging out and having fun with some Friends, Face to Face, Three Times A Week.
| February 2, 2012
|-
| Earlier, at Toys 'R' Us, I put together a [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|Lego (Friends) Lemonade Stand]] for Alex's cause. Each Free stand built would give a dollar to support ending child cancer.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Anyhoo, after T.R.U., I went to the mall, with my normal plan in my head to sit, hang and wait for a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|Ms. Right]].
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Back to today, I took my normal once-around the mall before settling down to hang. But I impulsively decided to leave a few photos as I walked. Eventually, I settled for my hand at a table of the S.Bucks kiosk. I called my mother to check in. While ringing, a Jerkop wandered into my space; I saw one to a handful of my warning photos in his right hand. I felt shocked with surprise.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Mom answered; I played it cool with her, while I started to get up and walk away. We finished the chat; she hung up; I hung up as I walked. Then I looked back; the Jerkop following me said something. I start running to the JCP. I hid in the back for a moment to catch myself. I thought it best to leave and return another day.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Set to exit via the one with the salon, HE and an accomplice intercepted me. "You're not in any trouble", the Jerkop said; the hell I was not, or Why would the son of a bitch be chasing after me. I exited via the South exit instead. I veered my way around eastward to the Mitsu I was driving, far east from the east Belk entrance. I started along the outter edge of the parking lot. I was spotted by the accomplice, but I was too fast for him, and I was tactful hiding and weaving around the parked cars to get to mine.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| I see the acc catching up as I was close to my car. Those dumbasses probably thought to search for my [[Son-Chu|Escort]]; not a Mitsubishi. The Jerkop called out to me by name once during the mess; I was Not going to associate with ANYONE who knew me by name without my own familiarity of him/her. Cheap Internet Fame is JUST NOT WORTH A SHIT. I got into my car and escaped swiftly, leaving behind a confused accomplice.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Now I rest at an [[McDonald's|McD]] with an Arnold Palmer Tea and Apple Slices, rehydrating myself and resting while typing my story up. My Mother does NOT need to know of what happened.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Sorry, but another important point needs to be typed. The edited .jpg of Snyder's 10% coupon from NBC 29's flyer I had posted earlier on my wall, well I have recently printed 50 copies at a photo-print station at [[Wal-Mart]] a few days ago, Destined to be distributed as I went. Placed like on the table I wpuld be sitting at, or for the Mall, placed like advertising things near other ad things. Their purpose, obviously, is to Inform The Public and Masses to Stay Far Away from that PLACe, because Cyber-Bullies DO meet, hand and breed there under Snyder's approval. That PLACe WILL go down, by my will, or by someone else's fire-on-a-stick and bombs.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| On another topic, I just got hit by my horoscope today. It warned me to keep my business only to myself and associates, otherwise I'd run risk of...
| February 4, 2012
|-
| (keep my goals to myself or risk)... "Being encouraged Ad Nauseam"
| February 4, 2012
|-
| I took the horoscope to mean that I should keep my resumed Sweetheart Search quiet at the Mall today. I had planned on wearing a sign around my neck, stating non-offensively, "IF YOU LIKE ME, PLEASE TELL ME". I had also thought of playing music from my 3DS loudly through bomb-shaped mini speakers with fun faces I had purchased at Wal-Mart.
| February 4, 2012
|-
| Found first two seasons of "Laguna Beach" on DVD at Goodwill with ALL matching discs included. Checking out series now; I like it so far.
| February 5, 2012
|-
|Recently, after being corrected of homo Andy Dick DID NOT star in the movie, "Napoleon Dynamite", I rented the movie from PSN. It was a fun, okay movie. Additionally, I actually watched the first two episodes of the new Animated Series on FOX before I watched the movie.
| February 5, 2012
|-
| Recently watched Graduation episode of L.B. S-1; I reflected on High School again, as well as my Graduation. I cried again.
| February 6, 2012
|-
| I Don't Know. I've observed that I felt like more often than usual. I'm still feeling lost. I'm lonely. I need face-to-face woman/friends. I'm slow on the take sometimes to often. I wish I could go back to 1999. I wish my family and I had not moved back here. My heart still aches. My soul feels broken, beaten and scarred. I dunno what to think. I Don't Know.
| February 7, 2012
|-
| Hey, Everyone! Say hello to my friend who has been offline for a while; she finally got back on and started an f.b. page for herself from my invitation, [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]. **(:D**
| February 8, 2012
|-
| Here, [[:Image:Chris_and_Jackie_Lego_Friends.png‎|my Lego Minifig counterpart is lucky with a Lego Friend]]; hopefully Jackie and I can get together and renew our relationship. :) '[Note: Picture is placed underneath the status update.]''
| February 9, 2012
|-
| [[:Image:Christian_3DS_Wii_QR_Code.png‎|My 3DS Mii QR Code]]. ''[Note: Code is placed underneath the status update.]''
| February 9, 2012
|-
| I've just finished watching the [[My Little Pony|M.L.P.]] We <3 Ponies Mare-a-thon countdown. I'm pleased "Green Isn't Your Color" made #2; I feel confused why "Luna Eclipsed" was voted #1. I liked "Look Before You Sleep" better, but considering the choices on HubWorld.com, "The Cutie-Mark Chronicles" should HAVE been the #1 episode.
| February 11, 2012
|-
| I'm just (re)informing y'all that I still feel little looking forward to my 30th [[Christian Love Day|Birthday]], and I have NO plans on or around the date. Everyone on my Friends List, you all are welcome to extend you wishes to me by U.S. Post Mail or Telephone on my cell's Voice Mail. You all are also welcome to visit me at my house (yard-visit); please call my cell and leave a message with your name and phone number, so I can return your call.
| February 11, 2012
|-
| Also, I still wait for a response from Jackie here; with her hopping a plane for a vacay suddenly, I feel concerned and worry rather or not she still longs for me (mutually) or not.
| February 11, 2012
|-
| Mom got upset with me after I got caught flipping off a Jerkop. She told me how she felt in a conflict-resolution. It hurt me. She recovered after some rest, but I still feel very sad. I feel like I deserve to be beaten up, and I do not want Michael Snyder's blood on my mother's hands.
| February 13, 2012
|-
| I'm feeling sad and lonely again. Just hang in' at McD in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckers]]. *sigh* ...
| February 13, 2012
|-
|}

== Application statuses ==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler was reviewing friends' friends for [[Love Quest|dating]], using Spark
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler wants to know if you would [[Hanky-panky|do him]]? Yes? No?
|-
|[[Troll|Someone]] is checking out Christian Weston Chandler on Zoosk.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is in MOOD for a [[Rape|SWEET KISS]] from someone really special Is that YOU?
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler gave a sweet ANONYMOUS kiss to a Secret Someone special Rachel Davis Isnt this exciting?
|-
|Someone rated Christian Weston Chandler on Are YOU Sexy.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has added FunWall.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is being viewed on 'Meet New People'.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler added the iLike application.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler added [[Chris and music|music]] to their profile
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler took the [[Sweetheart|Ideal Mate]] quiz
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler says: I feel Lonely
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is being viewed on MNF
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler just added the [[Cherokian Clan|Heritage]] app.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler , New Stickers are waiting for you!
|-
|Someone Yes'd Christian Weston Chandler on MNF
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has added a new [[Son-Chu|bumper sticker]]
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is checking out Are You Interested?!
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has created a playlist called [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CWC\'s Jams]].
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler voted for his favorite version of a song
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler listened to the song
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is being flirted with on 'Meet New People'.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is checking out Meet New People!
|-
|Update! Top Friends News from Christian Weston Chandler!
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler found someone interesting on Mesmo [[Chris and television|TV]] Match
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler took a quiz
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler added [[Family Guy|TV favorites]] to their profile using Mesmo TV
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is passing teammates in TV Show Trivia
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler found out which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|sexual position]] is best for him
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|Naughty Genie]] and is granting naughty wishes to friends
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has made a naughty [[China|wish]] to Linda DeLorme. Linda DeLorme must now fulfill it.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler granted a naughty wish back to Linda DeLorme
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler joined the Compare HOTNESS Tournament!
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has just sent a new post.
|-
|Someone flirted with Christian Weston Chandler!
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler found a lucky Facebook [[Homos|Fairy]]!
|-
|Naughty Genie granted Christian Weston Chandler a Wish
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler is playing the Sex Appeal game.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler sent Frog playing banjo gift to Jessica Gombert
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler accepted a Smiley from Jessica Gombert.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler sent Rachel Reynolds a Juno Movie Message.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler voted for Melissa Williams for FB Models.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has a Blue heart !
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler accepted a Nosey from Jessica Gombert.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler accepted a Bluey from Jessica Gombert.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler accepted a Spotty from Jessica Gombert.
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler gained a Scratch And Win title
|-
|Christian Weston Chandler has been loved
|}

[[Category: Websites]]
[[Category: Historical Documents]]

1980s

2012-04-30T03:09:17Z

Ferret: /* Events of 1985 */

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Chris and his mom in the eighties.]]
[[Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|thumb|Baby Chris in '''1982''', bearing a striking resemblance to the baby from ''Eraserhead'', but less cute.]]
[[Image:0002-1-Baby_Chris_and_Mommy.jpg|thumb|Baby Chris and Barbara.]]
[[Image:0004-ChristopherDec1985.jpg|thumb|Chris and Barbara in '''1985'''.]]
[[File:Cwcbaby.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST BabyCWC]]
[[Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg|thumb|'''1986''']]
[[Image:0008-ChristopherShopping12-1986.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''1986'''.]]
[[Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|thumb|'''1987''', Chris turns 5.]]
[[Image:0031-1-Chris_on_Pony.jpg|thumb|Poor pony.]]
[[Image:0031-EasterChristopher.jpg|thumb|Twenty years later, Chris himself would have a try at the [[Bunny Hop]].]]

The '''1980s''' were the decade in which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] was born, under the name Christopher Weston Chandler. (He wouldn't change his name until [[1994]].) According to Chris, he had a lot of trouble growing up, and even coped with a prolonged episode of muteness.

Source material referring to the 1980s is scarce, and this article is mostly based on statements made by Chris at a later age, and on image material.

==1980==
The year [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] got married.
===Events of 1980===
* Around this time, [[Cole]] moves away.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref>
* 7 June - Bob and Barbara get married.<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself#Family matters]]</ref><ref>[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]</ref>

==1981==
The last year of peace for Bob and Barbara Chandler. Unluckily for them, the happy couple filled their time with lots of unprotected love-making. During the second half on this year, Barbara would be pregnant.
===Events of 1981===
* c. 26 May - Bob and Barbara Chandler have sweaty old people sex. [[Christopher Weston Chandler]] is conceived.
*c. 26 November - Barbara's last chance to abort Chris.
==1982==
The year that began the entire sorry saga.
===Events of 1982===
* 24 February - Christopher Weston Chandler is born around 5:30 a.m. at [[Wikipedia:Martha Jefferson Hospital|Martha Jefferson Hospital]] in [[Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]].<ref>[[Chris_on_Wikipedia]]</ref>
* 24 February - Chris is brought back to the Chandler [[house]]hold in [[Ruckersville]].<ref>According to Christian in the [[Song of Christian]] video.</ref>
* April - Chris allegedly speaks his first word: "[[Niggos|monkey]]."<ref name="Song and Wikipedia">[[Song of Christian]] and [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref>
* 13 October - [[Sarah Hammer]] is born.<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story]]</ref>

==1983==
Chris has stated that in '''1983''', he was abused by his [[babysitter]], "starting" his [[autism]]. On other occasions, however, Chris has said that he is aware of autism being a hereditary disease, making his "acquisition" of autism impossible.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> We can nonetheless assume that the abuse Christopher suffered in 1983 was traumatic.<ref>First statement was done in the [[Song of Christian]] video.</ref>

===Events of 1983===
* 24 February - Christopher's 1st birthday.
* August - Christopher's autism allegedly "begins." He claims the reason was an evil [[babysitter]] named [[Roach]], who locked him in a room. He becomes mute.<ref name="Song and Wikipedia" />

==1984==
In '''1984''', Chris lived his life in [[Richmond]] as a mute toddler. He himself declares that he gave his parents a lot of trouble, and he screeched a lot. It is possibly indicated that his parents held this against him at a later age, and didn't really like caring for the [[autistic]] child they had created themselves.

===Events of 1984===
* This year - Chris first meets his childhood friend and [[gal pal]], Sarah Hammer.
* 24 February - Christopher's 2nd birthday.

==1985==
In '''1985''', Chris is still a mute, screeching toddler.

===Events of 1985===
* 24 February - Christopher's 3rd birthday.
* April - Chris has his picture taken holding a [[4-cent garbage|leaf]].
* 12 August - birth of [[Jack Thaddeus]]
* December - Chris and Barbara have their picture taken with Santa Claus.

==1986==
In '''1986''', Chris is still a mute, screeching toddler.

===Events of 1986===
* 24 February - Christopher's 4th birthday.
* June - Chris has his picture taken at what seems to be a zoo.
* 23 July - Birth of [[Megan Schroeder]].
* December - Chris has his picture taken in front of a bathroom, and at a shopping mall.

==1987==
In '''1987''', Chris starts attending [[Greene County Primary School]]. It isn't known for sure if he attended pre-kindergarten before then.

===Events of 1987===
* 24 February - Christopher's 5th birthday. A paper hat is made in his honor.
* August/September - Chris begins kindergarten at [[Greene County Primary School]].

==1988==
In '''1988''', Chris starts first grade at Greene County Primary School, but he is still mute. Late [[1980s]], Chris joins the [[Chris and religion|Cub Scouts]].
===Events of 1988===
* Date unknown - [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Suzanne_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] wins the McShane Prize.
* 24 February - Christopher's 6th birthday.
* 17 March - [[Patti]] is born.<ref>As can be read on the doghouse in Sonichu #6: [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic7.htm]</ref>
* August/September - Chris begins first grade at Greene County Primary School.

==1989==
In '''1989''', helped by the language training at [[James Madison University]], Christopher starts talking again whilst reading a Gobot package.<ref>According to Christian in the Song of Christian video.</ref>.

===Events of 1989===
* Unknown - Chris claims that he had a dream that in which he saw himself with a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]], and working in an office.
* 24 February - Christopher's 7th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters second grade at Greene County Primary School.
* December - The English conductor of the Regency Square Bear Band, Leonard Bearstein, mistakes Christopher's name for "Christian". According to Chris, this stuck, and would inspire his [[Christopher's name change|name-change]] in [[1994]],<ref name="dvd1">[[:Image:0060-CWCNote1.jpg|DVD, note 1]]</ref> though other sources state that this happened in [[1992]].
* 25 December - Chris gets his second gaming system, a [[Nintendo]] Game Boy, for Christmas.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Facebook

2012-04-29T14:50:08Z

Ferret: /* Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D */

[[Image:Facebook.jpg|center|300px]]
[[Image:cwc666.PNG|thumb|His friends list has hit the number of [[Clyde Cash|the Beast]].]]
'''Facebook''' is [[Chris]]'s other means of communication aside from [[MySpace]] on his [[Love Quest]]. While often looked over, his correspondence with these [[Trolls|e-women]] reveals that even on the Internet, he manages to convey that he is a fat [[autism|autistic]].

On 31 May 2009, Chris's Facebook was hacked, revealing notes and messages to [[boyfriend-free girls]] in the area in hopes of them becoming his [[sweetheart]]. He failed horribly of course, and [[the Miscreants]] showed us how hard.

Events in 2010 turned Chris firmly against the website. He blamed it in part for his breakup with [[the Wallflower]], and in November had some harsh words and gestures for it while announcing his [[100 2357.MOV|departure from the Internet]].

Sometime in mid 2011, his Facebook account was removed from the site. On 5 [[July 2011]], a new Facebook was discovered with a new picture of Chris. Two days later, his profile was deactivated.

On 2 [[January 2012]], Chris re-opened his Facebook account and uses it as his personal [[Attraction Sign|attraction sign]]. Since then, he has left occasional open notes for trolls and talked to his gal-pals.
==Notes From The Man Himself==

===I am a good man===
{{quotebox|1=
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 5:57pm

There are some cyber bullies who have taken my words and feelings out of context, and twisted them into meaningless mockery.

Please do not believe those terrible rumors; [[Twin Falling Towers|I am a good man]] who needs a female sweetheart to soothe my pains from loneliness, stress of social influences, and heart-aches.

Please help me, so I can help you one day.
}}

===The Common Question, "Do I know you?"===

{{quotebox|1=
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 9:49pm

When a person asks you, "Do I know you?", it brings up a greater answer. "I'm not a mind-reader, so I can't tell you how well you know me."
The question is dumb in itself; no one is able to answer it. Because no one can read their mind and answer it with full confidence.
}}

===Man I am SOOO SHY. "How Shy are you?" I am SOOO SHY, that...===

{{quotebox|1=
Thursday, January 24, 2008 at 4:48pm

Today, Jan. 24, 2008, I was at the Alderman Library. I was playing Sudoku on my PSP, and I was listening in on this conversation between a couple of cute ladies just to my right. I've enjoyed just listening to them talk about their things; I will not devulge any details, because I am the man who will keep a secret (Plus, I don't know ALL the details). Anyway, after one of the two left, the gal that stayed sittin' next to me, talked on her cell in what sounded like Dutch or German. IT WAS THE PERFECT OPENING for a conversation towards making a new gal-pal. I had it in my head, "Pardon me, I couldn't help but overhear your chat on your phone, but was that Dutch or German you were speaking?" I HAD THE NERVE SET UP, I was raring to say it, but when I started to say it, the tension and my shyness and my autism choked me, literally; I couldn't even open my mouth to say anything. And she left. I am kicking myself now.

Anyway, THAT IS HOW SHY I AM; I am so shy, that I JUST FREEZE OR CHOKE upon starting to talk to a new girl I don't know yet.
}}

===What I am looking for in a woman===

{{quotebox|1=
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 at 1:23am

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Must Meet In-Person First and Upfront (NO Online/Phone/Mail Contact Acceptable beforehand. Must be Referred to me by my Real Friend(s) or Family).

-21 to 29-years old 
-Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, or HOT 
-Education: High School Graduate and/or Better 
-NOT A Smoker 
-Carefree/Light-Hearted 
-Moderate to Very Intelligent/Smart (Not Ditzy) 
-Talkative/Outgoing/Not Shy/Good Self-Esteem 
-Slim to Average body type (under 170 lbs) 
-Between 4 feet, 10 inches and 5 feet 10 inches 
-Brunette or Blonde hair 
-B-Cup size minimum 
-Clean 
-Casual 
-Not Crazy or Abusive 
-Make-Up Optional 
-Well-Informed to Expert in sex
}}

===Unsolicited Friend Requests===

{{quotebox|1=
Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 10:27pm

'''Unsolicited Friend Requests WILL BE DENIED AND DELETED,''' ESPECIALLY from ALL People I have '''NOT met IN PERSON, FACE-TO-FACE, Beforehand.'''
}}

===Shooting Myself in the Foot===

{{quotebox|1=
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 1:34pm

I have often "shot myself in the foot" with great mistakes, including and especially, all of the mistakes I've made from letting myself be Blackmailed, Tricked, Deceived, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, by immature individuals who hide behind the veil of the internet to create hate-filled slanders of my once good name; those people are nothing more than privacy-invading, [[My Little Pony|gum-gabbing, gossip columnists, working for a gravely corrupted, should-be-fired-for-good "editor in chief".]]
}}

===An Open Note===
{{quotebox|1=
Sunday, [[April 2012|April 1, 2012]] at 11:12pm

I want to make something very clear to everyone on [[the internet]]. The hatred against me for the sake of hatred is unjustifiable, and totally uncalled for. [[White Knights|You People Do Not Really give a damn about what happens to me]]. The ONLY person in this world who knows me most and Truly cares about me is [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]]. The Real Friends I have made throughout my lifetime In Person, FREE From the internet, have had the opportunity to know me for who I Truly Am, a [[Death_threats|Caring]], [[Chris_and_remorse|Compassionate]], all-around [[Twin_Falling_Towers|Good Person]]. Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who [[Megan Schroeder|turned Coldest]] [[The Wallflower|Shoulder Against me]] and STARTED all of the Online Hatred. And the rest of you who have Not Met Me AT ALL and INSIST of friending me online; DO I KNOW YOU PEOPLE? NO, I do Not, and I do not think I will EVER want to meet the Vast Majority of you, because you all ONLY want to add further to the [[CWCki|Gabby Gossip Column full of hatred and uncaring content.]]

The ONLY person I have in the world who Cares about me the most is my mother, [[Barbara]], and outside of [[14 Branchland Court|this house]], I do not really have that many people to ANY person who Cares about me at all, even my relatives. NOBODY cares what happens to me and my mother. To the Majority of you, I pray the soul of [[Bob Chandler|my father]] gives you all nightmares, and may [[God]] have mercy on your souls.

You Do Not Really Care About Me, Christian Weston Chandler.
}}

===An Open Note (4/13/2012)===

(note: while it was once a public note, it has either been removed or set to private)

{{quotebox|1=
Friday, [[April 2012|April 13, 2012]] at 10:08pm

It is true, I, Christian Weston Chandler, have had sexual intercourse with a lovely woman Wednesday, April 4, 2012. There is nothing inconceivable about it from the lovely lady and I having the pleasant conversation, exchanging phone numbers, and the very pleasant experience between her and I behind the closed doors at her place. Penile/Vaginal intercourse, Cuddling and Blowing have all taken place.

[[Ego|I do not require any congratulations]] or communications towards any discussions of the details, because I will never tell the full story anywhere online, and certainly anyone I do not, and have not, known personally and In Person.

And to all who continue to pick on and torture me, this is one thing that will ONLY be in your own [[Lie|self-fabricated theories and fables]]; you will never get the full story. And your reign of terror will only result in mockery towards your own Troll/Cyber-Bully kind. You all have my pity towards your [[Chris and remorse|selfish]], [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|demoralizing]], [[28_October_2011#Aftermath|incriminating]], [[Virgin With Rage|lonely]], [[Chris and Anger|hate-for-hate's-sake-filled jealousy and hatred]], and whatever [[Autism|mental and emotional issues]] you each likely suffer from.

You Trolls, Get A Life.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
4/13/2012
}}

===to @cogsdev from me, @CWCSonichu===

{{quotebox|1=
Monday [[April 2012|April 16, 2012]] at 4:21am

Heh. Heh. Heh. ;:j

I am watching YOU, foolish Cyber-Bullies. I LAUGH at your ill idiosyncratic discussions and [[Ego|thinking you all are better than me]]. If you are better, Why have you NOT Learned any Maturity for yourselves. It is wrong to continuously [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|laugh at people with a disability]], and their mistakes, because [[Chris and Reality|the tables turn on the laughing bully and troll]].

[[Chris_and_religion#Delusions_of_Godhood.3F|I am in your dreams]], haunting you for your aiding and abeting towards your sole hate-filled reasons, [[Chris and English|jealosies and lackluster purposes]] against me and my family and friends.

You ALL will pay for your Crimes and Sins of Cyber-Bullying the [[Virgin_with_rage#No_longer_a_virgin_.28no_word_on_the_rage.29|once innocent]] good people and myself. Changing your avatar and screen name and website are all useless, because I Can And Will Find YOU again and again, and I will continue to Laugh at you all and your immature idiosyncries.

HA HA HA.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>This note will be removed from here after being copied or screencapped.<ref>http://789chan.org/cwc/src/13346684418.jpg</ref>
}}

===Save and Keep Derpy Hooves Pony.===

{{quotebox|1=
Wednesday, 25 April 2012 at 17:45

In my humble opinion, I actually like [[Wikipedia:List_of_My_Little_Pony:_Friendship_Is_Magic_characters#Derpy|Derpy]] for her name, given I feel the new voice is an improvement; her name is still very cute. I take no offense whatsoever to the word. I first heard the word from [[Wikipedia:The Biggest Douche in the Universe|an episode]] of "[[South Park]]"; I thought it was only gibberish, and it was funny.

Derpy should still be a featured character, because let's face it, NOBODY, or NOPONY, is mentally perfect, and it is a character like Derpy here that makes us all aware of mental disabilities, great (low-functioning) or small (high-functioning) to tolerate them and help them towards better self-confidence, because [[Chris and reality|we ALL need to feel like we are capable of surviving in this world, community and all public and social situations.]]

I, Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], VA, [[USA]], respect and like Derpy, and I encourage [[Wikipedia:Lauren Faust|Lauren Faust]], [[Wikipedia:Amy Keating Rogers|Amy Keating Rogers]], and the rest of the [[My Little Pony|MLP:FIM]] crew to keep her on WITH her name, and create an episode teaching tolerance.

Christian Weston Chandler.
April 25, 2012

MLP: FiM - Derpy Talks and Derps
www.youtube.com
UPDATE! Derpy has been removed as canon from this episode. Whether it is permanent or not is not yet known. To see why, click this link to an e-mail the writ...

[[File:Saved.jpg]]

<nowiki>http://www.savederpy.com</nowiki>
}}

Chris later commented

{{quotebox|1=
And what's more good, I have the Original Episode recorded as well from when it aired on [[Wikipedia:The Hub (TV channel)|the Hub]] on Janurary 21, 2012 on my DVR. I really like Derpy. Although I take back what I said about the new voice; the Original Voice IS Better.
}}

===I have decided===
{{quotebox|1=
Thursday, 26 [[April 2012]] at 19:35

The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville]], Virginia, WITH my sign and going into my [[Sweetheart Search]] with Full On Guns a Blazin'. I will be there on bi-daily starting this Saturday, April 27, 2012 fom 2:00 to 5:30 PM, EST. And I do not care Who shows up, and [[Mimms|Photographs]] are encouraged with gusto of the mall, me And my Sign on the [[Random-access humor|Hippo on my Head]].

I Welcome All.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
April 25, 2012
}}

Chris later revised this note, with additions bolded.

{{quotebox|1=
The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to Fashion Square Shopping Center in Charlottesville, Virginia, WITH my sign and going into my Sweetheart Search with Full On Guns a Blazin'. I will be there on bi-daily '''(Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays) starting this Saturday, April 28, 2012''' fom 2:00 to 5:30 PM, EST. And I do not care Who shows up, and Photographs are encouraged with gusto of the mall, me And my Sign on the Hippo on my Head. '''(EVERYBODY has a Hippo on their head; it is called the Hippocampus)'''

I Welcome All.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
April 25, 2012
}}

Chris later commented:

{{quotebox|1=
I meant the 28th; it was my mistake in judgment at the time of typing up this Note.}}

===Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D===
28 April 2012
{{quotebox|1=

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

You, ALL of YOU, Trolls and Cyber-Bullies, You all are SOO [[Chris and the Law|Fallible]], [[Jackie|Gullible]], [[Death_threat#Chris_as_recipient|Paranoia-Prone]], [[Chris and Fashion|Clownish]], At the Bottom of the Heap, Stupid FOOLS. For I, Christian Weston Chandler, have [[Chris and Reality|FOOLED the VAST Majority of You All]] (not counting those who have posted their own Suspicions). YES, YES, YES! I HAVE been reading your [[Christian Weston Chandler|comically inept]] and crackpot theoretical posts on your Forum. NOTHING IS Private to and of you fools. ;8j

To preface, I will enlighten your puny minds straightforward. I HAD no intention, purpose, or Ability to go to Fashion Square At All on today the 28th. Do you want to know why? OH, you all are soo impresionable. On the 31st of March, I was really having a bad day, what with the upcoming court date on the 4th of April and all. I was feeling very irritable then. I was walking the mall peacefully, but with the stress in my head. I answer a few calls from a troll or two, just to give you all a piece of my anger. Yes, Yes, LAUGH and SCOFF all you want. My answers were cursory and loud. Overheard, YES, I was chased by Jerkops. But I did not receive the yellow slip until the 25th of April that said, "BANNED". So, I later decided to pull a prank on YOU ALL. The elaborate Facebook Note; LETTING YOU ALL shoot yourselves in the foot more by Prank Calling the Mall, and their latest Manager, Mr. Weiner (his name was on the slip, next to "Manager"). I too scoff at his small-sausage name. All I had to do was stay at home with doors locked, and let you all argue and fight it out. I read your posts and laughed and laughed at EVERYTHING you thought was true or what was false; theories and mistaken "facts".

You all THINK you know me, but you REALLY DO NOT, and You All JUST DO NOT, AND NEVER WILL, UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL. And as long as your Purpose of Knowing Me consists of that of Gossip Columnist or Worse, Trolling, Bullying, Cyber-Bullying, Abuse, or anything of Malcontent, I Do NOT want you to Know Me EVER.

In the END, you ALL have played Right Into My Hands, like me overlooking the battlefield and picking up/placing you all one by one into the BOMBING RANGE CENTER! I am a LOT more [[Slow-in-the-mind|INTELLIGENT]], [[Autism|WISE]] and [[Naive|KNOWLEDGEABLE]] than your puny minds can theorize; I am NOT STUPID, nor am I a moron. And you know what? YOU ALL Have MADE Me This Way; CRAZY and PARANOID with Loss of PEACE OF MIND.

I am WATCHING each and every one of you Fallible Trolls, and REST-ASSURED, [[Lie|I know where each of you live, and I am Coming After Each of You All!]]

YES, It was ME, and these posts WERE Real.

Sincerely,

Christian Weston Chandler

4/28/2012

<nowiki>**</nowiki>More Photos and Comments are in the appropriate Photo Album of mine, "[[Cwcki Forum ScreenCaps]]".
}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Cwcfacebook1.jpg|Wall
Image:Cwcfacebook2.jpg|Profile, part 1
Image:Cwcfacebook3.jpg|Profile, part 2
Image:Cwcfacebook4.jpg|Profile, part 3
Image:Cwcfacebook5.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook6.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook7.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook8.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook9.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook10.jpg
Image:Christina1.jpg|17-year-old Christina 1
Image:Christina2.jpg|17-year-old Christina 2
Image:Christina3.jpg|17-year-old Christina 3
Image:Cwcfacebook11.jpg|Chris rejects a single mom. The ironic thing is that this woman was the only one vaguely interested in meeting up with Chris.
Image:Cwcfacebook12.jpg|"Do I know you?" 1
Image:Cwcfacebook13.jpg|"Do I know you?" 2
Image:Cwcfacebook14.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook15.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook16.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook17.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook18.jpg
Image:Chrisfacebook2011.png| A screencap of Chris's page from [[July 2011]].
File:Chris's Jan 23rd 2012 profile pic.png | Chris's page in [[2012]].
File:Christran2.jpg | Another facebook profile picture in 2012. Note that it is in the same place as the previous profile picture except Chris is smiling in this one.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_pic_as_of_2-2-12_at_10.58.51_AM.png | Chris's Profile as of Feb 2012
File:Cwcfacebook.png|Chris, now with head band.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_and_Note_as_of_02-06-12_at_1.01.29_AM.png| New note about friend requests
File:Chfb1.png| February leak part 1
File:Chfb2.png| February leak part 2
File:Chfb3.png| February leak part 3
File:Chfb4.png| February leak part 4
File:Fbnote1.PNG|Facebook public note 1 (31 March 2012)
File:Fbnote2.PNG|Facebook public note 2 (id.)
File:Ufr.PNG|Another public note.
File:Derpy.PNG|The first Brony speaks.
File:FSM2.PNG|Chris's master trolling attempt.
File:Noet chris knows now about us.png|Great Director is watching you.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Facebook messages]]
*[[Facebook statuses]]
==References==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?imfjwnjrzi0 Notes]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?20mnnd1juu5 Status]
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002534669114 His new Facebook profile]
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]

Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia

2012-04-28T14:35:07Z

Ferret: /* Re: Girly Things Tee Hee */

{{Articleofthenow}}
'''Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia''' is a now-defunct forum that was established in late [[April 2011]] and ceased to exist later that year<ref>http://www.forumer.com/forum-error.php?u=tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com</ref>. [[Chris]] was posting as himself under the alias "Kookydashy". This resulted in several stories of his exploits as a [[tomgirl]] that, to say the least, made the effort of tracking him down more than worth it. Chris posted on and off, trying his best to conceal his identity in the most obvious way possible. Below are his T&ToV posts, with blue representing Chris' posts and red representing posts in the threads he was responding to.

== Posts ==
===Re: Introductions!===
In which Chris openly announces he is Christian Weston Chandler as much as he can without actually saying it.

[[Image:ponyboy.jpg|thumb|[[My Little Pony|Kookydashy]]: Interests include [[Plush Breasts of Fail|breasts]], [[China|pussy]], and [[Autism Awareness E-mails|autism awareness]].]]

{{quotebox|Hello, fellow tomgirls. :)

Y'all may address me by my screen name in the board talk. I like [[Chris and Music|music]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|makeup]], [[Chris and Fashion|dressin' up]] in my mini, [[Mass Debating|havin' fun]] 'n hangin' with my [[Gal-pals|girlfriend]]s, [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|karaoke]], [[video games]], crafting and [[art]].

I am also empathetic, so [[Autism|I can understand others people's feelings]], as well as my own. I am a dynamic, complex individual.

I do not have many [[jerks|dude pals]], because I have my own mental hang-ups against the majority of them; Nothing Personal. I have a history of being bullied by some mean brutes, as well as [[homos|homosexuals]], over the [[internet]]. Cyber-Bullies/[[Trolls]]/Anons are a hot button with me. I prefer not to discuss that issue further.

And I am an all-around good, [[death threats|friendly]], [[List of Chris's lies|honest]], [[Vibrator|heterosexual]] tomgirl.

Thank you all for offering me respect, as I respect each of you and your opinions on the board.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=2&p=157#p157]</ref>}}

===Re: Coming out to my parents===
In this thread, Chris opened up about his parents' feelings in regards to his newfound fetish.

{{quotebox|Y'all are singin' my song; my [[Barb|mom]] and [[Bob|dad]] were shocked bad when I told them I was a tomgirl. Soo Literally old-fasioned (they're both [[Chris and English|seinors]]). My mom said "I didn't raise a daughter", and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me.

I will Always be Straight, Mom and Dad; give me some faith and trust.

What a world with outside influances to put great paranoia in our families.

Also, try looking up "tomgirl" on [[Wikipedia]]; it redirects to "effeminancy". While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page is against us, due to it addressing the [[homos]].

Someone needs to undo the redirects, edit the grammer errors in "tomgirl"`s original edit, and add a ton more detail to it.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3&p=160#p160]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|My mom is still giving me complaints and nit-picks about me wearing my feminine attire. I wish I could just up and move out and not have to deal with my family; I don't know too many other people here in C-Ville, and those I do know I'm only acquainted with or know little about them for only a few weeks.

Plus finding employment is hard. I got a [[CADD|fancy computer degree]] from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]], and there have been very slim pickings from it. Already Taken; Quota's Filled; yada, yada, yada.

Plus also, she keeps throwing disbelief towards us by stating "Tomgirls aren't real"; SHE'S a Tomboy; what a bunch of 1940's old-fashioned crap. Plus she watches too much current news, and she is soo paranoid and shit.

I wish I could afford to move out, but I can't afford it [[monthly tugboat|financially]], [[Autism|mentally]] and [[Chris and anger|emotionally]]. Fucking [[stress|pisses me off.]]<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3&start=20]</ref>}}

===Re: Girly Things Tee Hee===

{{quotebox|After I realized my tomgirly ways, and starting dressing up in my skirts, I started feeling discomfort in using the Men's restroom. I asked my closest [[gal pal]] if it would be going too far in using the Ladies' room; she told me to go with my feelings. My next skirted outting, I used the ladies' room, and I squatted, holding my [[duck|arrow]] down over the john (so I would be less likely to soil my skirt); it felt good and Right. Days later, though, after 4 more lady trips; a woman complains and tattles on me, and a stereotypical [[jerk|Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me.

Heck, I would not hold it against a tomboy who felt more comfort in using the Men's room over the Ladies'.

As truest Tomgirls, we do respect greatly the women as equals. [[lie|I would never look]] or anything of the sort.

Open for your thoughts.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|I've recently got into the original Squinkies, they are so cute and cool. And their gumball-machine dispensing playsets are neat. I like the cupcake-shaped one. And they're also coming out with Squinkie cars for Hot Wheels and Cars 2; little Squinkie people now have cool wheels to drive.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&start=10]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Something else girly I enjoy danglin' around where I go is my ankle bracelet. It's a silver chain with sections of 4 silver beads, and I've added three stars on chains onto the hook. I never take it off, because it is an awesome and cute jewelry, plus it is difficult to put it back on. LOL

I also am enjoying the "Mighty Milky Way" DSiWare game on my [[Nintendo|3DS]]. Luna is a cute, sexy gal, and the method of guiding her from planet to planet is neat.

Anyone else on here with a 3DS may add me onto y'all's Friend List with my code, 2836-0121-9073. Please P.M. me with your 3DS F.C. in response if y'all add me.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=382#p382]</ref>}}

===Re: Homosexuals===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]
{{quotebox|I do not care much for the [[homosexual]] males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face. Plus, most of the Cyber-Bullies who gave me grief were homos [[Jack Thaddeus|themselves]], placing their damn label onto me wrongfully.

As long as they each keep it to themselves and behind closed doors, I won't bother them.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162]</ref>}}

===Re: July Meetup===

{{quoteboxred|'''by DanielleTheRiveter » Sun May 29, 2011 9:58 pm'''

That's right, everyone. It's that time again. Time to plan our big meet up for July. We're currently looking to meet up somewhere that's kinda central and should be easy for everyone.

First off, remember to dress your best. I'm going to wear my old dress uniform like normal but if you'd like to give us a sneak peak of your outfit, please feel free to do so here.

Also, any suggestions for Date / Time / Location is welcome.

Looking forward to seeing everyone there!|DanielleTheRiveter<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=27&p=229#p229]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|How about at the [[Two's_company_snapshots|Applebees]] next to Toys 'R' Us on Branchlands Lane on a Monday; at 9 PM, they have Karaokee night there. Meet and greet first and sing-along after.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=27&p=229#p229]</ref>}}

===Re: FUKKEN HATERSSSssssssssss===
In which Chris fantasizes about an unrealistic encounter with a "hater", then throws in some unintelligible [[Random-access humor|RAH]].

{{quotebox|I would generally ignore the haters' hurtful comments and move forward too. But if they are really in my face calling me gay or telling me [[virgin|I won't be geeting a woman]], I would tell them like it is in my miniskirt, "All I have to do is lift up my skirt and I'll be up your woman's biz in seconds." :)<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=32&p=291#p291]</ref>}}

===Re: What part of Virginia are you from?===

{{quotebox|Charlottesville is my city of stompin' ground; it can stand some improvement, though. More excitement, and maybe a strip club or two. LOL.

I've also resided in Midlothian for my Middle and [[High School]] years.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=35&p=292#p292]</ref>}}

===Re: 10 interesting facts about you!===
Unsurprisingly the most bland, useless information is considered by Chris to be an "interesting fact"

{{quotebox|[[Autism|1.]] I like to take my time to think of how I feel about the current topic, as well as responding in discussion.

[[Lie|2.]] I am empathetic.

[[Fat|3.]] I appreciate how the fast food places wised up and started offering apple slices as a healthier option after decades of fried potatoes.

[[Trolls|4.]] With my history of being trolled and online coomunicating, I feel online socializing only makes people more autistic-like. People need to wise up and go back to feeling comfortable socializing in person.

[[Cwcsicle|5.]] I have sassy, fun ideas sometimes.

[[Sonichu|6.]] I am good at hand-drawing, coloring and story creating.

[[Manchester High School|7.]] I have had happy years in High School.

[[Autism|8.]] I try to be cautious of other people's intentions and feelings while communicating and coping with them.

[[Lie|9.]] I am technologically and musically inclined.

[[Chris and Art|10.]] I enjoy tinkering and creating when I feel inspired.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=34&p=293#p293]</ref>}}

===Re: tomboy looking 4 tomgirl===
[[Image:Suchin.jpg|thumb|Suchin]]

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Sun May 29, 2011 2:44 am'''

hello my name is suchin and i am originally from thailand. my friends call me william or will because i am rowdy and like to have fun i am looking for tomgirl to treat me right. i work in manicure salon now and i love beauty on my men and dirt on me

[image]

this is me. what is you? lets meet up and exchange details. i am from richmond but will be in charlottesville for the 4th of july. i love freedom now too.
your turn now! fi dorrar. sacki aur bunti. PLEASE send me a message!|William<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|There is a pretty face, lovely head of [[hair]] and [[Women's Rights|a nice rack]] in the photo. But I feel I have to interject here.

How do we know you are really that woman, or are you really some immature, trolling stupid brat trying to stir trouble on our forum? People have done that sort of thing over the internet; I fell victim to communicating with such people. And from that, I have learned to keep most personal things offline and to myself.

Anyway, I am not going to fall for such an obvious facade, and I wish to prevent anyone else from finding such gross disappointment and disaster.

Fess up, man.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:27 am '''

Hey I'm going to be down in Richmond tomorrow anyway, I think you're pretty cute so I'd like to meet up if possible.

I understand if this is kind of sudden, but when I saw that picture I just knew I had to meet this woman.|Tippy<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:33 am'''

kookydashy your comment make me so sad? i work so hard on my body to be my tomboy self and i am so tired of others putting me down for me being me. sometimes i think it because they jealous but for you to accuse me of being troll, someting i hate most in whole american world, make me cry some. this remind me of my sister telling me i cannot wear pants because i am woman. i can wear pants AND NOT BE MAN OR UGLY!!!!

as for Tippy, you sound so nice. I would love to meet a creature like you in reality world! i would even love to do your hair and nails and so much more... I am excite now! Yes! Please! I get out of work at around six. Can we do drinkies than??
|William<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:38 am'''

OMG that's perfect, I'm supposed to have an early dinner meeting with a supplier, so I will be free right around six. I'll private message you my cell number and other info so we can exchange our numbers and stuff. I am so excited, I cannot wait. I will be counting down the hours till we meet up my Tomboy dream. We'll have drinks, and maybe dessert ;). Hehehehe|Tippy<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:44 am'''

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sawatdee kaa!! <3 You are true lady AND gentleman! I will call you tonight to confirm our time together with one another for tomorrow! You have dried every tear of mine so quick and make me smile bright bright bright... I cannot wait to smile more with you! xx|William<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

[[Image:Suchin 2.jpg|thumb|Suchin]]

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:00 pm'''

Hey everyone, I have a major update.

So after my meeting with the supplier, who I sweet talked into giving me a discounted rate, I met up with Suchin for drinks. Let me just say Tomboys and Tomgirls, the photos do not do her justice, she looks absolutely incredible. She gave me some great tips on keeping my pedicures lasting longer, we talked about every subject imaginable, and I hope she doesn't mind me saying this, but I am totally crushing on her right now, and cannot wait to see her again. The drive home from Richmond felt like nothing because of how happy I am right now.

Plus I'll always have this picture to remember our incredible night by.

Tippy<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:33 pm'''

Yes, it very true ! Tippy you steal my heart and not ever let go! I am happy this way. I love sharing all my pretty lingerie with Tippy and I teach my new Tomgirl how to do Thai lap dance. We are so sensual and one. Tippy and I are item now!! NO TOUCHING! Thank you TBS and TGS of Virgina! <3 xoxo|William<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:40 pm'''

Suchin, you catty gal, I thought you were gonna let me announce to the forum that we were an item. It's ok, I still love you. And I can't wait until the next time we're together so I can give you that massage while you play your video games. I've never felt this happy, like this may be the greatest day of my entire life. I've met a lot of girls in my life, but Suchin, you are my woman, my strong, masculine, tomboy woman. I can't wait to see you next weekend, I've already talked to my boss, and I'm getting Friday off so we can spend the whole day together.

I never thought I'd be able to find love on an internet forum, and here we are, happy as can be. Thank you Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virgina, I hope the rest of you find your Tomboys and Tomgirls soon.
|Tippy<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|It looks like I stand corrected of my suspicions. But with my past experiences, and the too great number of crazy people in the world, we all have to be very cautious. And with that, I apologize for my earlier post and hurting your feelings, Suchin.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311]</ref>}}

===Re: Manicure/Pedicure stories?===
{{quotebox|I have colored my nails before, and it is fun to do for a grand outting.

I feel it ill for me to go in for a manicure, not only due to lack of funds, but I am a recovering nail-biter. I even had to have a fingernail replaced in surgery years ago; it is growing in well, even though slower than the other nine.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=37&p=312#p312]</ref>}}

===Re: Mothers===
{{quotebox|My mother has tried to coerce me into going back to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|briefs]]; Hells No! Panties are far more comfortable And stylish. And I am not going to ever go out without one of my [[muscle bra|sports bras]] again. She even tried to bribe, or wager, me, but I would not take it.

I feel there should be a law requiring all men to wear bras (sports ones at least); I feel grossed out whenever I see some dude walking sround shirtless. ]:(P<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315]</ref>}}

===Re: Friendship Issues===
{{quotebox|I'd like to talk a bit about those of us (well, me in particular) who have for real only less than or equal to a handful of friends in person.

Growing up, I have had mostly [[gal-pals|female friends]]. I was considerably blessed, yet I still lack the virgin-breaker moment. The close friendships were great, and I really appreciated them in my heart forever. I really should have tried to get further, but before 21, I was [[naive]] on the subject of dating. There Really should be a manditory [[dating education]] class alongside sex ed.

I have known all of my life that I do get along better with women well over those of my own gender. No personal offense to anyone.

I have a mental flaw, along with other learnings, which has taught me that most of the worldwide male poulation are, pretty much, Uncaring, Violent, Ignorant, Dumb, Boring Jerks. And with that, I feel afraid in meeting most males, because I feel ill of getting too close, because of me getting hurt, or something else god-awful. ]:(

Again, no personal offense is meant to anyone.

My gal pal has informed me that me meeting more women and getting it on is very unlikely if I do not have many dude pals. Nutshell; I would be mistaken for a homo, or too easily [[friend zone|friend-zoned]] by women. This tid bit makes me feel sad.

Open for individual responses from Everyone on this forum.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by BornThisWay » Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:24 am'''

Aww, that sux!!!! Anyway I met most of my friends back in high school, or college, or at my past jobs. Sometimes it's hard to keep in touch with everybody but that's why the [[Internet]] and phones were invented! A lot of the friends I hang out with now were from my last job. We'd go out for drinks every Thursday, Friday and Saturday and have the grandest of times! Sometimes I still meet up with them, but not every week like I used to.

As for meeting people, I've never really thought about it because I'm not a really shy person. I guess if you strike up conversations based on stuff you like or stuff you notice about them, that's a good start. It's real easy to sit in your room all day and play video games but you just have to talk to people and get out there. Sometimes I'll just go out all by myself and sit someplace nice and quiet and read. If you look cute sometimes people come up and introduce themselves!

But anyway if you haven't done it already you should get on [[Facebook]] and try to find your old friends and tell them what you've been up to since you've last seen them! It's a really easy way to keep in touch with people especially since a lot of people move away right after high school or college. Facebook is like a high school reunion that never ends! (Sorry if I sound like a commercial!) Plus if there's anyone who still lives in Virginia maybe they can introduce you to some of their single friends! Just be yourself and let us know what they say, ok?|BornThisWay<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|"Social" websites like Facebook and [[MySpace]] are ALL a Joke against socializing. Everybody is on the internet these days. And to Socialize online with total strangers Constantly is an epic fail. That kind of "socializing" on the internet will only result in making people more and more Autistic-Like. Think about it.

The more time we spend in front of an internet screen leads to constant lack of practice in REAL Socializing face to face offline.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Mike Love » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:23 am'''

I like Facebook. There's a lot of people I don't nescesarilly talk to a lot, but I like to be able to keep up with what they're doing. Plus it makes it easier to keep track of people's phone numbers. Plus, I know a lot of cute girls, and I like to look at their photos a lot and get ideas on new outfits to wear.
|Mike Love<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Just a gosh-darn minute. People Pretend to be Other People online, even Computers have been Programmed to pretend to be People to tease and get personal information from you. And Trolls/Cyber-Bullies Hack into YOUR Facebook and MySpace, rearranging, smearing, soiling with pornographic, most horrible images from the darkest regions of the internet. And they create [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|wiki]] [[CWCki|sites]] and pages of Hate against you soo horrible that Googling your own name results in MILLIONS of hate-filled results.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

''Note: Almost all google searches for variations of Chris-Chan (Christian Weston Chandler, CWC, Chris Chandler, etc.) consist mostly of pages mentioning other people such as Chris Chan Lee, people with the name Christian, Christianity, acronyms for companies, and other miscellaneous results. The actual amount of hate-filled results probably ranges in the tens of thousands, not the millions. A ten second examination of the results would easily prove this but Chris has [[PS3|more important]] things to do.''

{{quoteboxred|'''by BornThisWay » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:53 pm'''

Like I said, it's really, really sad that you're putting your fears in the way of getting in touch with your old friends and establishing new friendships. I'll bet your old friends think about you sometimes and miss you. And like it or not, people use social networking sites to contact people they know in real life to do things in real life. This is the way things are now.

I don't get how somebody who has enough courage to dress up in women's clothing and walk around in public and use the girl's bathroom can be so afraid of somebody making fun of them on the internet. I mean, who would even know who your old friends are? Why would somebody go through the trouble of impersonating them? And wouldn't you like, be able to figure out if it was somebody pretending to be them? I mean their Facebook profile would link back to all their friends and most of their family members. They'd not only have to fool you, but their parents and relatives, who have known them since they were born. Like, if somebody tried to set up a phony profile and pretended to be me just to hate on me, everybody would know that something was off.

So like, you've though about one bad thing that could happen if you tried to look up old friends on Facebook, and just assumed that it will happen. And you said you're afraid of getting to close to males in real life, because you think something bad might happen. It's really easy to worry and make up excuses about why you can't do things, but just know that if you do that anxiety is going to rule your life.

Like I said you believe in yourself enough to admit that you're a Tomgirl and get out there and strut your stuff. Some Tomgirls don't even get that far! Think about how much you've already accomplished before deciding what you can and can't do. You're your own boss and I can't make you do anything, I'm just saying your life would be a lot less lonely if you were open to looking up the old friends you've fallen out of touch with over the years.|BornThisWay<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:31 am'''

Maybe I've just been lucky and haven't met anyone who has lied to me online. I use facebook to keep in contact with the people I'm close to, they've made it so easy to keep track of my friends, why wouldn't I take advantage of it. As far as having problems with meeting anyone online. I met Suchin here on the forum, and I had no trouble meeting up with her. There are always going to be assholes out there Kooky, but you can show them that they are just haters and you aren't going to listen to them.
|Tippy<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Thoria » Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:34 am'''
I just use FB in private mode, that way haters can't see what I'm doing and I only have my closest friends on there.
|Thoria<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

At this point Chris loses all self-control and does everything short of posting "I am Christian Weston Chandler, I am famous on the internet and trolls pick on me".

{{quotebox|It's not just THOUGHT, but it HAS happened to me before for real. And if you don't believe, take for example the author of the comic book series featuring that yellow, [[electric hedgehog]]... [[Sonichu]], if I remember correctly.

Before a time, the author had a clean history, then Cyber-Bullies and Trolls attacked him greatly; now Googling his name will result in over a million results of hate and name soiling. Especially from the blackmail and deceptions he had to endure.

I, myself, had a page on Facebook. Things were good for me a while. Then I was attacked in [[2005]] by the Trolls. They pretended to be my closest friends; they got a number of incriminating photos and details from me. They also hacked into my Facebook. It took me over a week before I was able to reset my password and e-mail address. And upon reflection, I closed my Facebook account and left the online socializing for years. It is real, and they are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405#p405]</ref>}}

===Re: Reputation===
In which Chris actually says "I am Christian Weston Chandler, I am famous on the internet and trolls pick on me". He also tries to incite the forum into hacking CWCki for him.

{{quotebox|This Arthur has a good idea with this "DOS". He certainly knows more than I have on taking down their Trolling Stupid websites.

My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.

I am Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA.

I had joined this Forum with the opportunity to associate with my own misunderstood kind of people, commonly mistaken for amongst the gays and lesbians. I concealed my identity on here reasonably, prayfully Not to be found by those Trolls.

For Years, I have fallen victim to their trachery. I have tried within my own limited knowledge and technology to counter-attack those fiends. I have mostly failed. And as a result, my reputation on the internet fell deep into their treacherous exaggerations, lies and crap. If I had any knowledge or technology, I would have hacked into and destroy every one of their webpages, servers and whatnot looong ago, but I did and still do not. All I could do in the end was hide in the old-fashioned (as it would appear to be now) world of Real Life, off of the internet. Yet I am one who does not like to be left behind in the modern world.

Also, because of them, it has been Impossible for me to get a job; damned negative background checks. And I would appreciate reducing the results of my full name from over Two Freaking Million results back down to less than 100.

Now that they have found me on here, y'all have been dragged into my darkness; for that, I feel deep shame and regret, and I am really sorry about that.

I am Not the disgruntled, mean or perverted person they have mislabeled of me; I am only a normal, heterosexual, good natured, high-functioning autistic Tomgirl, and I want to be treated like a normal person.

And I wish I do not have to be paranoid of those fiends and their hurtful webpages.<ref>http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490</ref>}}

Unaware of the horrible truth, members promise to help.

{{quoteboxred|'''by Thoria » Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:22 pm'''
Well Chris, you won't have to worry about this "CWCki" for much longer. Trust me on that, we'll take care of it. I have a cousin who's into computers and stuff, he took a Computer Science III course. I'll give him a shout and see if he can do something. If I were those trolls I'd be shivering in my boots right now.}}

Chris demonstrates a feeling resembling gratitude, but also seems to be preparing himself to sit down and wait for a solution to come to him.

{{quotebox|Thank you. Any help in this old battle to finally put it to rest would bebgreatly appreciated.

[[Chris and religion|God bless us all]].}}

One of them quickly catches up, however:

{{quoteboxred|'''by SexBomb33 » Sat Jul 23, 2011 2:42 am'''
Aren't you going to help us fight ''your'' battle in any way?}}

Chris explains why:

{{quotebox|As I have said before, I have tried on my own to counter-attack, and I still lack knowledge and resourses within my reach to counter-attack properly. And I do not have a functional Personal Computer or a Laptop of any kind. I have been posting from my 3DS internet browser, and it, my Wii, PS3, PSP at my house and one of the computers at the nearby library, which requires Gasoline to get to, are my current ONLY connection methods to the internet.

At this point, technology-wise and mentally autistic with the missing links in my Corpus Callosum, I do not feel fit to be an adaquate leader in taking down the frigging cyber-bullies and trolls.

I do have intel from my own experiences and past research which hopefully can be helpful. I'd recommend starting at [[The GAMe PLACe|the Game & Hobby Place]] in Charlottesville, across from the Omni hotel. I have been banned from there in April, [[2008]] by the [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|cold-hearted]] [[Michael Snyder]]. My family and I know that in a great way, that Place IS a central or focal point of the Trolls' plottings and/or such.

PLUS, it AND the other three associated hobby stores on their same website are ALL owned by a convicted-in-Illinois sex offender, Robert Lightfire. The Place is located across the street from a Public School; morally and legally, the Place should NOT be located there at all. Yet Mr. Lightburn is listed as an Offender in Illinois; he isn't listed in VA. He lives in Madison. I am positive, aside from him being married, Mr. Snyder has his own equatable criminal scandal.

That's all I have for now.<ref>http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=522#p522</ref>}}

Chris will be helped by TRUE and HONEST people in this fight. As in, they will do it for him if he can help (i.e., never)

{{quoteboxred|'''by DanielleTheRiveter » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:21 am'''
Don't worry about it, Chris. I'm sure Thoria's cousin can help you out. He's been good to me in the past I'm sure that he's an Honest and Helpful fellow.

I'm sure that you'll be free of those trolls soon and I'm glad that you've trusted us with this. You're a good friend. Thoria's cousin has enough tech ability. He can walk you through it as long as you have the intel and can help him out a little bit.}}

==See also==
*[[Sonichu Girls]]
*[[Tomgirl Pictures]]
*[[Trollin' Train]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
<s>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/ Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]</s> Non-existent as of late 2011

<s>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=95 Chris's profile]</s> See above

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]

4-cent garbage.com

2012-04-24T20:37:26Z

Ferret: /* The elevator gags */

[[Image:4-cent garbage.png|thumb|INTERNET AUTISTIC HATE MACHINE]]
'''4-cent_garbage''' is [[Chris]]'s representation of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[4chan]]. Since he blames ED for [[Megan Saga|breaking up the closest thing to a relationship that he ever had]], he must naturally demonize it in his comics.

In the comics, it is depicted as a business based in a large 72 floor office building in which several hundred [[Trolls|employees]] work. Apparently, the business runs both a website and a magazine, the contents of which are unclear. The website seems to be analogous to the real life ED, having several articles on existing people, or at least mentioning them<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_30</ref> and a huge load of dickgirl images which are uploaded nearly constantly.
[[File:SchuComic8P11.jpg|thumb|You will never find a more wretched hive of lulz and trolling.]]
Jason's final speech in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], as well as Chris's ramblings in the Time Void, seem to indicate that any percieved inaccuracies in the articles or images hosted on the site are deliberate attempts to slander Chris and his Sonichus.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_31</ref> Why exactly Jason would wish to do this or [[Chris and his Ego#Persecution complex|why he has chosen to target Chris]] is never addressed, but his presence at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] meeting in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]] seem to suggest that the company and all of its employees are a part of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s secret trolling cabal.

It is worth noting that this is the closest Chris has ever made it to creating an actual [[parody]].

==Inspiration==
In [[2007]], while innocently stroking his [[ego]], Chris discovered [[ED]]'s page satirizing him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. What really [[Family Guy|ground his gears]] about the page was the "fan art" of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle|penis]]. Beginning 10 November 2007, Chris embarked on a quest to [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|make the website less scathing]] by uploading hideously drawn [[Rule 34]] of his little abominations (and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]), along with the infamous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] to his page.

How Chris first encountered 4chan is less clear. An [[White knight e-mails#November 2007 .E2.80.94 ED alert|e-mail from a white knight]] on 5 November 2007 attempted to alert him to the ED page, and referred to the article as being created and written by the same people making fun of Chris on 4chan's /v/ board. Whether he paid any attention to the message or not, what is known is that on [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#November 2007|12 November 2007]], Chris first acknowledged 4chan when he made another edit to the "Chris-chan" article:

{{quote|Christian Weston Chandler would like [[ED]] and [[4chan]] to know the following: '''I will continue to Shove The True Facts From My Heart and Soul Down Your Throats, only until you take this WHOLE PAGE Down For Good.'''}}

From this, it can be reasonably assumed that Chris discovered 4chan and ED around the same time, and that he considered them to be essentially one and the same. Chris would continue his Sisyphean edit war against ED well into 2008, but ultimately, all he succeeded in doing was alienating [[Megan Schroeder]].

By August 2008, Chris was finishing [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], and he apparently felt the need to address these recent developments in the pages of his comic. Issue #7 opened with Megan as a supporting character in the story, but with the [[Megan Emails, 2008#Megan asks Chris to leave her alone again.2C attempts to talk sense into him|real Megan wanting nothing more to do with Chris]], he decided to write her out of the story. As for ED and 4chan, Chris would lump these two concepts together and dub them "4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com." The name is a slight mystery, because underscores (_) are not permitted in Internet domain names.

==Introduction: ''Sonichu'' #7==
''Sonichu'' #7 was the first issue of the series to be influenced by Chris's interactions with online [[trolls]]. While Chris didn't finish the comic until 20 August 2008, the events of the issue are all set in 2 November 2007, one day before the ED article was created. Just as past issues of ''Sonichu'' were very loosely based on Chris's real life, he must have wanted to acknowledge the conflict with ED/4chan and his estrangement from Megan in #7. But all of that happened ''after'' 2 November 2007.

Chris's solution was the [[Time Void]]; a poorly-defined realm where Chris's character would be trapped for the next two issues. While stranded in the Time Void, Chris would somehow experience events going on in his real life while the fictional events in the comics unfolded without him. Upon entering the Time Void, Chris found himself assaulted by "random...new memories...popping in...my head!" These were memories of things that happened after 2 November 2007, so Chris was essentially using the Time Void to "remember" the future. Along with fictional events like the [[Sonichu 9|Battle of CWCville]], Chris also experienced "memories" of [[Joshua Martinez]] setting him up with "[[Lori Lopez]]", and Megan "dumping" him via [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|e-mail]].

{{quote|Dumping me? But why?!! 4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com? Mocking me? Slanderous Filth?!!! A drawing of me and [[Retcons|Meg-Chan]]... Intimate? And I drew that?!! She dumped me over that? Oh... that hurts! Still. Curse your 4-cent garbage!|Chris first mentions 4-cent_garbage in the Time Void|''Sonichu'' #7}}

It became clear from this scene that once Chris escaped from the Time Void, he would do battle with 4-cent_Garbage as a proxy for ED and 4chan, just as he had battled [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] as proxies for those who interfered with his [[Love Quest]].

==Conflict with Sonichu and Rosechu: ''Sonichu'' #8==
[[Image:4-CENT-GARBAGE.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and his super cool pals in front of the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters]]
In the first part of ''Sonichu'' #8, "Rage Against the Garbage", 4-cent_garbage was formally introduced as a villainous organization dedicated to slandering people for the sake of amusement. Rosechu discovers the site on 3 November 2007, which just happens to be the date that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] created the "Chris-chan" article on ED. The site's content includes a page that slanders Sonichu, Chris, and her, along with "lifelike" drawings of Rosechu with a [[pickle]]. While Sonichu is overcome with the [[stress]] of seeing his mate depicted with a penis, Rosechu decides to fight fire with fire by editing the site, just as Chris had tried in real life. She crawls into her [[April 16 Fetish Vids|dirty, mildew-laden bathroom]] and takes pictures of herself in the [[nudes|nude]], and then uploads them onto the 4-cent website. However 4-cent_garbage simply adds more dickgirl pictures, and she realizes that her plan will never work.

Instead, she travels with [[Sonichu]] and [[Wild]] to 4-cent_garbage's headquarters in [[wikipedia:Clarksville, Tennessee|Clarksville, Tennessee]], to confront the leader of the organization. While Wild sneaks into the building in search of one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], Sonichu and Rosechu take the elevator to the top floor, and meet [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and his 17-year old "womanslave" [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], who had previously cameoed in issue #7. The meeting is civil at first, but when Jason refuses to take down the "Chris-chan" page, Sonichu tries to fight him, and loses. Rosechu fares better as [[The Incredible Lioness]], having [[Chris and the law|inflicted wounds that would have killed a normal man]] in fact, but the page remains up, and their mission is ultimately a failure.

==The Fall of 4-cent_garbage: ''Sonichu'' #10==
[[File:Jason's Hexbox.jpg|thumb|Jason plots against Chris with his [[HEXBox]].]]
Upon Chris's return from the Time Void on 9 [[August 2007]], he immediately coordinates an attack on the 4-cent_garbage HQ, ordering Sonichu, Wild, [[Black Sonichu]], [[Punchy Sonichu]], and [[Son-Chu]] to meet him in front of the building. Chris arrives first as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and Jason and [[Beel]] lay a trap for him and try to steal his [[medallion]]. However, Chris discovers that the TRUE AND HONEST source of his Anchuent powers is his [[high school ring]], which he uses to retrieve the Medallion and free himself.

Later, when Chris's allies arrive, he orders Son-Chu to transform into a sound stage for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]. Using the [[Gitar of Fail]], Chris then leads the band in a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]], and the intense power of their music begins to shake the building apart. Inside, Jason converts his throne into an escape pod, and flees with Kathleen, leaving the others behind. Jason declares that he is retiring from trolling, in order to settle down with Kathleen and live a normal life. Chris also takes the time to use Jason as a mouthpiece to condemn [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for "slandering and torturing and innocent man", [[Hypocrisy|even though that was what Jason was supposedly doing not two issues ago]]. Beel meanwhile decides to take shelter in the basement, explaining that he could not be killed and would simply be reassigned to [[Count Graduon]] once the building was destroyed, and Clyde and Jack, alone on the top floor and with no way out, choose to commit suicide by leaping down the elevator shaft together just as the building collapses, refusing to let themselves be killed by Chris.

[[Terrorism|The building then gives way and collapses, with 1500 people still alive inside.]]

[[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]] reports that of the 1500 people who were in the building...
*500 were "[[Chris and reality|prefectly [sic] unharmed]]".
*250 were too drunk to escape on their own.
:*125 of these drunk trolls managed to get out alive with help from sober trolls.
:*125 of the drunk trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*125 sober trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*250 others were injured.
*150 others were "safe but hurt".
*100 were killed.

[[Honor Roll|Note that this only accounts for 1,375 people.]]

Despite having just destroyed a building and killed between 100-350 innocent people, Chris then calls for the ambulances himself whilst he and his team of recolors help to rescue the survivors that they themselves had nearly killed. Afterwards, Chris then [[Chris and remorse|weeps for the victims of his own mass murder]], whilst also maintaining that it was [[Chris and his Ego|the trolls' faults they were killed, because they made fun of him on the internet]].

Supposedly, destroying 4-cent_garbage's headquarters disabled its website as well, along with Encylcopedia Dramatica's website, such that both sites' data was irrevocably lost, and neither would ever be restored.

==The 4-cent_garbage building==
4-cent_garbage appears to be a multimedia operation, with a website and a print magazine operated from a brick-and-mortar building in Clarksville, Tennessee. The location of the building is probably intended to refer to where the real Jason lives, or at least where Chris ''thinks'' he lives.

The 4-cent_garbage building is 72 stories tall (66+6, as described by [[Beel]]), and the interior is painted bright red to resemble [[CWCville|Hell]]. On the ground floor, Beel sits at the receptionist desk and directs visitors to an elevator on the far side of the atrium. Employees are seen on several higher floors drinking an alcoholic beverage called "[[Reeb]]", and passing out on the floor when their shift is over. Their work seems to involve sitting at computer terminals, uploading and editing images of Chris and his characters.

On the 72nd floor, Jason Kendrick Howell holds court with his womanslave Kathleen at his side. It is unknown where Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus were stationed in the building, or what their jobs were before the building's destruction.

Security in the building was incredibly lax. [[Wild Sonichu]] turned invisible to sneak into the upper floors in search of a [[Sonichu Ball]], only to find it left on a desk. Once he took the ball, his invisibility wore off, but he was still able to slip back out of the building unnoticed.

===The elevator gags===
[[Image:SchuRchuReactions1.jpg|thumb|Planning? In MY ''Sonichu''? It's less likely than you think.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-B.jpg|thumb|What is this, I don't even.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|thumb|That's right, the entire White House is on the 51st floor.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg|thumb|Chris's favorite pictures from ED.]]
A large part of "Rage Against the Garbage" features Sonichu and Rosechu exploring different floors in the 4-cent_garbage Building. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at so many different floors to look around at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever is depicted, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason.

This appears to have been one of Chris's attempts to employ some of his trademark [[random-access humor]], by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not. In some strange attempt at foreshadowing, Chris located these images on ED and then put them on his user page while he was still trying to edit the site.

{{quote|You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough.|Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in ''Sonichu'' #8.}}

Whatever his reasons, Chris seemed to believe that using images from ED in one of his comics would somehow be a big deal. The floors used in the comic are listed below, along with a description of what Chris put on each one.

*2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent_garbage.com employees passed out drunk at their workstations. When the one of them recovers from his hangover and gets up, he relieves the only other conscious employee of his shift and takes over. The relieved guard then drinks a can of "[[Alcohol|Reeb]]" and passes out on the floor like the others, while Sonichu and Rosechu look on from the elevator and [[sigh]].
*3rd floor: [[Pedofork|Pedobear]] in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
*4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Sonicrocksmysocks Sonicrocksmysocks]", from the ED article of the same name.
*7th floor: A 4-cent_garbage.com employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
*8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent_garbage.com employee working on a picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
*9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu sucking Rosechu's penis.
*10th floor: Chris emerges from the [[Time Void]] to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
*11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by [http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Branca Branca], a batshit insane fan of the animated band The Gorillaz. Sonichu considers it to be sad.
*12th floor: Fan art of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu [[naïve]]ly wonders when he became so popular.
*13th floor: Female versions of [[Sonic]], Tails and Knuckles. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
*14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
*21st floor: [[Wikipedia:The Bathers (Cézanne)|''Les Grandes Baigneuses'']] an 1887 painting by [[Wikipedia:Paul Cézanne|Paul Cézanne]]. ED has a copy of the image which has been edited with captions to reference the "Branca" article on ED.
*22nd floor: ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
*23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asscheeks, as if for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's ''[[Pokémon]]'' article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
*24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
*33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's ''[[Transformers]]'' page.
*34th floor: [[Sonic]]/[[Amy Rose]] Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position very similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu earlier in the issue..
*35th floor: Nude artwork of [[Amy Rose]], Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Rabbit. Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
*36th floor: Strip poker game featuring various female characters from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]''. The image has been adapted into a parody of a ''Magic: The Gathering'' Card.
*51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton, looking on while [[Barack Obama]] paints the walls black. [[George W. Bush]] cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father [[Bob Chandler]] came up with this "joke." Recall that this story is set in the fall of ''[[2007]]'', so the joke really makes no sense for that year.
*61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from ''Animaniacs''.
*62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from ''[[Family Guy]]''.
*63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Starmie, from ''[[Pokémon]]''. Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
*69th floor: Image of "XBOX 360-ko", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the XBox 360. As the following floor features an Xbox 360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women.
*70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an Xbox 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women.
*71st floor: [[PS3]] message congratulating whoever murdered the HEXBox. It states that you may "now play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single Xbox somehow interfered with such activity.

Note that it is never addressed whether or not the images such as the Rule 34 depicted here are really just drawings on a computer or poster in the building, or if they have a physical presence. However, the fact that Sonichu cheers on [[Sonic]] as he has sex with [[Amy Rose]] suggests that they are really there.

===Business and Staff===
{{quote|I am a troll with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance. The page will stay up; this meeting is over!|Jason Kendrick Howell, responding to Sonichu's request to remove the "Chris-chan" page, ''Sonichu'' #8}}

4-cent_garbage does not appear to have any clear marketing objective. While this may seem like an oversight on Chris's part, it may well be a genuine commentary on the pointlessness of 4chan and ED's activities. While most people would consider them to be entertainment sites, with no other purpose than to provide humor or diversion, Chris obviously doesn't find them funny, and so he depicted 4-cent_garbage as a tower of bullies, mass-producing cruelty for its own sake. In the comic, Jason says his only goal in life is to hurt as many people as he can before he dies. While he may have only been speaking for himself, this seems to be the ''raison d'être'' for everyone else who works there.

In ''Sonichu'' #10, Beel explains that "this trolling gig is my hell", suggesting that he has been condemned to work there, possibly because he had once been "main assistant to Adolf Hitler". Unable to die, Beel would simply be damned to serve yet another villain, [[Count Graduon]], once the 4-cent_garbage building was destroyed.

While [[Clyde Cash]] had been previously depicted in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]] as an agent of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], he also appears in ''Sonichu'' #10 supporting 4-cent_garbage. Though confusing in some respects, especially concerning the canonicity of the Sonichu Specials, this dual role may not be a complete contradiction, as the exact relationship between 4-cent_garbage and [[PVCC]] is never explained.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]
*[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]]
*[[Beel]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[The Incredible Lioness]]
*[[Revive Zordon]]
*[[Twin Falling Towers]]
*[[Chris and death]]

== External links ==
*[http://www.4chan.org/ 4chan] - A *chan imageboard and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's name.
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/ Encyclopedia Dramatica] - An internet satire wiki and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's role in the comics (now redirects to its successor site, Oh Internet!).
*[http://789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/] - Another *chan imageboard which sometimes adopts the name 4-cent_garbage in reference to the comics.

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Sydney Kirsch

2012-04-23T21:15:26Z

Ferret: /* Epilogue */

[[Image:SydneyKirsch.jpeg|thumb|Sydney]]

In the wake of the [[Jackie]] emails, on or about 22 [[April 2010]], a brave woman named '''Sydney Kirsch''' mistook Chris for "[[Liquid|another Chris]]" at [[The GAMe PLACe]], with whom she had intended to do some [[Pokémon]]-related business. Since she had forgotten this handsome, devilishly charming man's email address, she simply googled [[Chris]] and The GAMe PLACe then emailed the first place that came up. The following is a record of what took place.

Sydney had the noble end-goal of wanting to get Chris to resume answering the [[mailbag]]s, by trading [[Nudes|naked pictures of herself]] for answered questions. Unfortunately, things did not turn out that way at all and, ultimately, this was a rare win for Chris. His smugness at (finally) uncovering a troll is still chuckle-worthy, as is his mention of his cleavage (or, as normal human beings might put it, shockingly [[Collosal Chan|colossal]] man-boobs).

Some subject matter (mostly audio clips and voice mail messages) have not been posted because they are mostly irrelevant, don't add to the story and/or don't contain input from Chris. Note that the date and time stamps on emails are for [[Virginia]] time, while the date and time stamps on audio clips are [[PandaHalo|Adelaide, Australia time]]. The [[User:Ronichu|woman herself]] quite happily admits that there is not a lot of new information about Chris in these documents, and that the [[CWCki]] exists to document Chris, not failed troll attempts. However, making the information public will hopefully make it clear that Chris '''is''' beginning to adapt, so just remember, nobody trolls Chris quite so well as Chris.
==E-mails==
=== Mistaken identity ===

{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 8:54 AM

Subject: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hi Chris,

It's Sydney here! We met each other briefly in [[The Game Place]] (I was the teenage blonde girl who wanted to buy those Poke'mon cards). I might be getting you confused with [[Liquid|someone else]], so stop me if I'm waaaay off track! ;)

You asked about my [[JERK|boyfriend]] Sam- unfortunately, we broke up last week because that damn arsehole was cheating on me with your friend Tracy. Can you believe it?! Arg. It makes me so angry! So yeah- I'm back on the market baby, woo hoo! :D

Anyway, I know it's a long shot, but I was hoping you might still have some more cards for sale? If not, maybe we can battle- I'd love to see them in action! We can meet up in person if you like to do the trade, or we can do it by eBay or something if you'd prefer.

Hugs,

Sydney.}}

=== A little nibble... ===

{{quotebox|Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:23 PM
Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

I'm sorry, you are confusing me with [[Liquid|someone else]]. Although I did USE to go to The Place; [[Michael Snyder]], the "[[Manager]]", banned me from there almost Two Years Ago; he thought I was "[[Pedofork|scaring his customers away]]". I think Two Years is long enough for a ban. >:(

Have a good and safe day,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:30 PM

Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris,

Oh wow, I'm sorry! Yeah, I must have mixed my Chris' up. I'm pretty sure the Chris I meant to e-mail wasn't called Chandler. But hey, I made a new [[friend zone|friend]], so that's cool too!

Wow- Michael did that?! He always struck me as a really nice guy. I can't believe he'd ban you for two years- lol! What a dick. Maybe I won't go anymore, haha, I can get [[cards]] online for waaay cheaper anyway.

So anyway, what've you been up to since Michael banned you? I mostly just hang out at the Barracks Road Shopping Center, although I haven't been for the last like week because my ex-BF is there and I REALLY don't wanna see him at the moment, lol.

You seem nice- e-mail me back okay?

Love,

Sydney.}}

=== Interest is building ===
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris sent his [[The_Hook_Cafe|Hook Cafe]] image to Sydney, acne scarring and all.]]
{{quotebox|Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:47 PM
Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

I hear you on getting cards online. Don't stop shopping at The Place on my account; they still have other good merchandise as well (last I checked); [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|I went there the other day to ask Mike to lift the ban]]; he repeated over and over Hard "No"s. What you can do for me next time you go there, of which I would appreciate, let me know if they are still selling [[Eye of Judgment]] and [[Universal Fighting Series]] card packs/decks, and tell Mike that you know what he did to me and show him little respect. [[Laughs_Under_Lucricities|LOL]].

I thank you for the compliment; I feel a little better hearing that. I'm attaching [[Honest Content|a current photo]] of myself; do you have one of yourself to share? And perhaps you and I can hang out sometime.

It was nice being introduced to you, Syd.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

=== What a sexy, sexy man ===
[[Image:SydneyKirsch.jpeg|thumb|Sydney sent this modest picture in reply. Chris would later compliment her on her appearance, but either [[fuck quest|not read the text body of her e-mail at all or, if he did, not remember even a single detail about her.]] Hmm.]]
{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 4:48 PM

Subject: Re: Hi Chris, it's Sydney (the girl from The Game Place) again!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris- wow, that's a nice picture. Is it recent? You look happy. :) And I like your vest- it's really rugged!

I do actually have a picture- it's a year old I think (maybe?? lol), my old boyfriend took it. He's a professional photographer so it looks WAAAY nicer than I am irl, haha. He did some pretty serious airbrushing and all, but it's me under there, I swear! When we get to know each other better, I'll send you through one 'au naturale', Hehe. He's also the one that drew the heart. :( Now I feel sad, remembering this. Sorry. I guess the pain is still kinda fresh.

I'll drop by at the Place in the next couple of days and see what they have in stock. If they have those two things, I'll definitely let you know- about talking to Michael, I'll see what I can do, hah, but I can be a little shy sometimes.

Anyway, I've attached a picture. You seriously seem really nice- I don't know why Michael would react that way, he's always been fair to me, but I guess some people really do have a dark side.

It was really nice being introduced to you, too- after my boyfriend cheated on me THEN dumped me recently, it's been very nice to hear a friendly voice. I've seriously started to think all men are dicks, but I guess it isn't so!

Heh, Syd'. I like that. :) One of my old friends did call me that once, I wish she had kept it up, I quite like it. My full name is Sydney Kirsch (It's German in origin, it means '[[Basement Rosechus|cellar]]') just fyi, and also, is it Christian or Chris? Or is Chris short for Christian? What do you prefer?

What sort of things are you into, Chris? (Or Christian?) I'm a big aircraft girl, I love planes. F16s, F22s- did you know they had the JSF in the new Die Hard movie? I swear, I kinda squealed a bit. It was like a dream come true, seeing it hover like that.

Anyway, it was nice talking to you! I have to duck out to do some shopping now, I'll be back later.

Love,

Sydney.}}

{{quoteboxred|Thursday, April 22, 2010 4:48 PM

Subject: P.S.

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Oh hey- I realised a mistake- the spellchecker corrected my name from '[[virgin with rage|cherry]]' to 'cellar' because I made a typo. Kirsch means cherry. I don't actually like it, though, because I think Sydney Cherry sounds so freak'n [[retarded]]! Like a [[Crystal|stripper name]] or something, haha.

Love,

Sydney.}}

=== Houston, we have liftoff! ===

{{quotebox|Friday, April 23, 2010 2:12 AM
Subject: You're Cute. :)

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

You and I should definitely meet up; I feel more comfortable with in-person interactions than [[internet]]. I've had [[Sweetheart|online relationships]] in my past; most of which were good, but all of them ended not so good for me. I'd rather not talk about that now.

the photo I sent you is recent; I got a [[Homo|trucker]] look going for me. I'm sorry to hear about your ex dumping you. I like to think I am a nice guy; I try to be anyway. :) Allow me some [[Rape|in-person time]] (dates and whatnot), and I will show you some fun and good times. "Christian" or "Chris"; I'm okay either way, so feel free to call me whichever you like better.

To describe myself...

I'm 28 years old, 5'10", [[Obesity|average body type]] (don't hold my [[muscle bra|cleveage]] against me, LOL), I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]] and I never will, I'm a [[Chris%27s_Big_Night_Out|social drinker]], I'm a Pisces, and I'm a [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church-going]] Methodist.

I'm [[My Little Pony|young at heart]]. I have a [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book series]]. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to [[Mass debating|have fun]] when I am able to, and do [[Death threats|acts of kindness]] when possible.

I graduated from [[high school]] on the [[Honor Roll]], and I have graduated from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Piedmong Virginia Community College]] [''sic''] with a Degree and a Certificate in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]]. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, [[ShecameforCWC|respect]], [[Autism|empathy]], and [[Death threats|love]]. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.

I’m really good at
[[Chris and art|Drawing]], [[Chris and English|writing]], [[Medallions of Fail|crafting]], [[Nudes|making well-thought decisions]], [[11042009 51 50|heavy lifting]], [[How to Talk to Girls|holding a conversation]], [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|showing a woman a good time]] (on a date with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out and share).

The first things people usually notice about me 
I would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse with.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food 
Goosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is [[Britney Spears]]); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken.

The six things I could never do without 
-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart. 
-My Video Games ([[PS3]], [[PSP]], DS and Wii, and all of my older consoles). 
-[[Chris and his ego|My creative genius]]. 
-[[Chris and sex|Sex]] 
-[[Chris and health|My good health]]. 
-[[Pedo-Glasses|My glasses]]; I'm nearsighted.

I copied/pasted my description from my [[OkCupid|OKCupid.com page]] (ChrisCSonichu). Please reply with your age, details and what you would put in your profile. :) Let me give you my cell phone number, 434-760-0848, so you can call me and converse while hearing each others voices. You may inform me of your number in your reply as well, yet if you're calling from the 434 Area Code, I will be likely to pick up. If I miss your call, you can leave a message on my voicemail, and I will return your call.

Oh, Also, my [[Bob|father]] and I like airplanes too, yet we are more into music and stuff. You seem very knowledgeable and smart; I like that in women. And I'm Liking You, Syd. :)

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

=== All about Sydney ===

[''TL;DR it's just an infodump about Sydney, her likes and her dislikes, etc. Note that the lack of apostrophes in this e-mail was due to user error.'']

{{quoteboxred|Friday, April 23, 2010 3:39 AM

Subject: Re: You re Cute. :)

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Haha, well, let s take it slow for a little bit, hey? I d love to meet up with you eventually, in fact I guess I d prefer it in the end, but yeah I ve had my share of bad relationships too- I d rather we kinda slowed down a bit at this point if that s okay! Haha... At the moment we are email buddies, let s see where it goes from here.

Thank you for your kind words regarding my picture. I can be kinda shy when first meeting people, so I use that year-old picture because it s one I know I ll usually not feel really embaresses about (lol).

I don t have a profile as such at the moment, I try not to keep too much stuff about myself on the internet because I m afraid of [[Chris|creepy stalkers]], lol.

I guess I ll talk about stuff as it comes, haha. Okay. I m 19 years old (20 soon, OMG I feel old :(), blonde, really short (lol) and obsessed with jets. I a Cancer zodiac sign, which I hate because it s named after [[Bob|a deadly disease]] (lol :(). I sometimes play [[Pokemon]] and stuff but [[Slow-in-the-minds|I m not really good with the rules]] so I always lose. Opps.

I don t [[smoke]], never have, and I don t [[Alcohol|drink]] these days either. I m a pretty quiet gal, but I love the roar of engines, haha. I guess we all have our personality quirks.

I have an old clunker of a [[computer]], along with an [[Music|iPad]] and an [[Xbox 360]] which I bought so I could play [[Wikipedia:IL-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey|IL-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey]] and [[Wikipedia:Over G Fighters|Over G Fighters]]. I guess I prefer Over G. If you have an Xbox too, we could play together if you want? :)

I was born in [[Wikipedia:Albany, Western Australia|Albany WA]], alhough I was concieved in Sydney, [[PandaHalo|Australia]] which is where my parents got the name (lol, unimaginative!). I spent most of my school life getting shuttled between Tamworth, Australia and Albany. I would usually change every year or so, depending on what my parents wanted. Those long flights, plus hugely boring stayovers in LAX meant that I got to see lots of jets, inside and out, haha.

When I graduated high school, I applied to be a pilot in the National Guard, but I was told that since I d spent so long in Australia I might be a security risk, plus I have asthma, so I was denied entry. :( Serious, that was the worst day of my life, I cried for weeks.

After that, I basically went back to Australia for a while, because my dad got a job there, but six months later his work moved him to VA... And here I am! Hehe. Because I got moved around so much, I barely got to be really close friends with anyone or really stay at any one place for long, which is a real bummer, lol.

Anywho. It s okay if you don t wanna discuss your past relationships, to be honest, I d rather keep mine to myself too at this point. I m not interested in what happened in the past. Thanks for the offer of your cell phone- I will consider giving you a call once we know each other better. :) Just don t laugh at my accent!

Anyway, wow. I ve really been rabbiting on about nothing, hahaha... Sorry if I have bored you to tears, my life isn t very exciting. Write me back, okay?

Love,

Sydney. (lol. Now you know where I got named after...)}}

{{quoteboxred|Saturday, April 24, 2010 2:49 AM

Subject: Re: You re Cute. :)

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris, are you there? I replied!

Love,

Sydney.}}

{{quoteboxred|Saturday, April 24, 2010 6:17 AM

Subject: My ex-boyfriend talked to me today :(

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris,

I feel [[Heart level|chestfallen]]- my ex-boyfriend talked to me today about some stuff, and now I am very sad, can we have a chat about stuff? Maybe AIM or something? I noticed you were using an AOL account.

Love,

Sydney.}}

{{quoteboxred|Saturday, April 24, 2010 1:23 PM

Subject: Hey, an idea!

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chrissy,

I had an idea- I am uncomfortable giving you my number since we just met, buuuuuuuuuut... do you have a Skype account? We can have a Skype phone conversation if you like. :) My account name is hugsrfun, just message me whenever with either a chat or a call... lol

Just FYI, I leave it on CONSTANTLY, even when I'm asleep, so if you call and I'm not there don't stress out okay?

Love,

Sydney.}}

{{quoteboxred|Sunday, April 25, 2010 2:42 AM

Subject: Are you ignoring me?

From: "Sydney Kirsch" <hugsrfun@yahoo.com>

To: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

Hey Chris,

Are you ignoring me? Ever since I sent you all that info about myself you haven't replied yet, despite several e-mails. What's wrong?

Love,

Sydney.}}

== Phone call ==

[''Note that Chris, despite predicting that Sydney would call, apparently has no idea who she is until he gets some serious prompting... and even then he's not 100% sure.'']

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Sydney Kirsch Christian Weston Chandler Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|BkHuc7In_yI}}
| Stardate = 29 [[April 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Sydney Kirsch
| next = Sydney Kirsch Christian Weston Chandler Call 2
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Sydney:''' Hey, uh, is this Christian Weston Chandler?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Is this Sydney?

'''Sydney:''' This is Sydney. Yeah. Hey. Oh my God.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' I finally get to speak to you. I am so happy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' I mean [''unintelligible''] for a while.
[''Sydney said, "I've been meaning to get in touch with you for a while", but the audio cut out for a second.'']

'''Chris:''' I mean, well, uh. Yeah, well, I mean, uh. I have... I have received your emails and upon my recollection, I don't recall talking to you through email before you sent the email recently, so I am uncertain about... things. So forgive me for being skeptical.

'''Sydney:''' Oh no, that's okay. Remember? I'm the- I'm the girl that likes planes... that likes jets?

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Sydney:''' Do you remember?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Sydney:''' [''Stammers''] I- I- I-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Sydney:''' I went to [[The GAMe PLACe]]. I mistook you for someone else.

'''Chris:''' The... GAMe PLACe?

'''Sydney:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I don't... [[Autism|It still doesn't ring a bell]].

'''Sydney:''' Okay. Um. Well, anyway, um... I'll... I'll remind you if you like. Um, what happened is we um... I met another guy called Chris uh at The GAMe PLACe and he was selling some Pokémon cards and I thought it was you. Um, 'cause I just Googled Chris and the GAMe PLACe and it came up with you. But you said it wasn't you, and that pic-

'''Chris:''' Oh, oh, oh. Oh, I see. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Uh. Yeah, basically put in a nutshell, [[Michael Snyder|Michael]] was scared of me and and uh, he was afrai- and he was uh, preoccupied with his crackpot theory of me scaring his- scaring his... customers away, so he [[ban]]ned me from the store.

'''Sydney:''' Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' That's so unfair...

'''Chris:''' What an asshole. Yeah, he's an asshole.

'''Sydney:''' He always struck me as a really... Yeah, I'm really sorry to hear that. Wow. He's a... he's a dick. I'm sorry about that. Oh, wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' That's just so unfair.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Sydney:''' Look, um anyway... Hey, look you sent me a picture um... I really liked your picture. You're very, very handsome. Have you ever been told that?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. [[Chris_and_his_ego|Yeah]], [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|I have been told that]], mmm. Thank you for the compliment.

'''Sydney:''' Yeah. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. Um. I was just wondering, um... [''Chris talks over Sydney''] cuz we did-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I think uh... Yeah, I think I got... I think I got a picture from you as well. Uh... Yeah, that's really you, right?

'''Sydney:''' Yeah, yeah. Um. It's an old picture. I'm sorry I didn't have a more recent one. Um. I have other pictures... that are more recent, but I look... I think I look okay in that picture. My ex-boyfriend took it.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Sydney:''' And it's been- it's been heavily airbrushed it, but it is me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah. Yeah, well let me ask you. How old are you?

'''Sydney:''' Um. I'm 19.

'''Chris:''' You're 19? Okay.

'''Sydney:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, uh, yeah... So, at this point, you wanted to uh hook up with me or something? I just wanted to make sure I understand. [''Sydney talks over Chris''] The uh... at this point...

'''Sydney:''' Oh, wow. I would really... Yeah, I would really like that.

'''Chris:''' [''Incredulous''] You would... You would like to hook up with me?

'''Sydney:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh... possibly start a [[Fuck Quest|potential relationship]]?

'''Sydney:''' I would... Wow. I tell you what, if you would date me, that would be really, really impressive. I... You're a very attractive man and I'm really nothing special, so...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. All right. Uh.

'''Sydney:''' [''Sydney begins to talk over Chris, but Chris wins''] But I mean look, let's- I do think-

'''Chris:''' Let me think about it further and uh... Let me think about it further and I'll uh... and I'll decide on the details for uh... for a possible date. Uh, would uh, tomorrow be too soon?

'''Sydney:''' Absolutely. Um, I actually, I work as an airline hostess. I'm actually out of [[Charlottesville]] at the moment. Um... but, if you wanted to um... I'll-I'll be back in like, you know... maybe like 8 or 9 days. It depends on what my work does. Um. I travel a lot.

'''Chris:''' -yeah-

'''Sydney:'''Uh, but if you... I can check my email like all the time, so if you wanted to email me while... 'Cause, look, I really want to know more about you and I would love... dating you. Um, you're obviously an attractive man.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. All right. Well, listen, I got to go, but it was nice talking to you so, you take care and have a safe day.

'''Sydney:''' All right. Email me, okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay.

'''Sydney:''' All right. Thank you, mate. Bye.

[''Chris leaves the call'']

'''Sydney:''' Oh, he called me. Oh my God. Oooh.. he's so hot. Yeah, I know. He's just wonderful. Oh my God. I can't believe it. I can't believe that he called me. I know. He said we might be able to go out. He said we might be able to-

[''Tape cuts off'']

== Radio silence broken ==

Chris sent an email to Sydney immediately after the call. Notice how he simply copies his dating profile page into the email. He's too lazy to even talk about himself.

{{quotebox|Thursday, April 29, 2010 3:09 PM
Subject: Please forgive me.

From: "chrischansonichu@aol.com" <chrischansonichu@aol.com>

To: hugsrfun@yahoo.com

I was in error in memory; I had you confused with [[Jackie|someone else]] who
e-mailed me recently. My bad.

I better recollected you as I was eating my breakfast and drinking my
coffee. And let me add that You Are Beautiful. You'd be a woman I'd
[[Third date|wait for happily]].

As for about myself, let me copy/paste my bio from my page on [[okCupid]]...

I'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the
company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also
like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when
possible.

I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated
from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a
Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to
what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and
love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my
best to give it to them.

I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me, and sex
is an eventual must; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young
at heart, pretty, 18-28-years old, lives in, or around, the
Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas,
smoke-free, non-black and single.

What I’m doing with my life
I'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects
and helping my family. I also work on my art projects, get some
exercise in; all that good stuff.

I’m really good at
Drawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy
lifting, holding a conversation, showing a woman a good time (on a date
with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out
and share).

The first things people usually notice about me 
I would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When
I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside
from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse
with.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food 
Goosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my
favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite
singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken.

The six things I could never do without 
-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart. 
-My Video Games (PS3, PSP, DS and Wii, and all of my older consoles). 
-My creative genius. 
-My good health. 
-My glasses; I'm nearsighted. 
-Food/Water

I'll leave you with that for now, and you are welcome to reply with more or less of your own Bio Specs. :)

BTW, you live in the Charlottesville, VA area, am I right? I want to make sure, so I can rest assure I won't have to drive farther to your pad (should the "Bonus Round" begin).

Stay Sweet and Safe,
Christian.}}

== OH SHI- ==

[''Things are going along smoothly, right?'']

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Sydney Kirsch Christian Weston Chandler Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|btKn-6cAB3k}}
| Stardate = 1 [[May 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Sydney Kirsch
| next =
}} </center>

===Transcript ===

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Sydney:''' Hey, Chris. This is, um... Sydney. How are you- how are you goin'?
 '''Chris:''' Um... yeah. I'm, so- Uh, listen. I know about you and your little game. I've read the [[troll]] forum. You're actually in Australia. You cannot fool me anymore. Goodbye.
 '''Sydney:''' Um... Yeah, I- I am Australian.
 [''Tape cuts off'']

== Epilogue ==

It is probable that, after her dismal failure, [[Clyde Cash]] had the woman [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|broken dead]]. Such is the fate of those who fail Clyde.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category: E-mails]]
[[Category: Trolls]]

Template:Christory/April 22

2012-04-22T19:23:12Z

Ferret: Added info of the quizzes

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = Nintendo ss.jpg
|imagecaption = oh
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2006]]''', Megan finds out that Chris has bought her a Nintendo DS.
|link = Megan emails, 2005-2006#Megan writes the longest Urgent Message in history
}}
{{Christory Entry Addition
|text = Also, on '''[[2009]]''', Chris creates 3 quizzes for his fans to answer: [http://www.mybuzzquiz.com/en_US/actions/PlayQuiz.do?fileID=305623 Christian Weston Chandler], [http://www.mybuzzquiz.com/en_US/actions/PlayQuiz.do?fileID=305687 CWC Random Humor] and [http://www.mybuzzquiz.com/en_US/actions/PlayQuiz.do?fileID=305561 Sonichu Quiz from CWC].
|link = Quizzes }}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:April|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/April 22

2012-04-22T19:13:26Z

Ferret: Linked to the original article

List of Chris's lies

2012-04-21T16:55:12Z

Ferret: /* Chris's lies */ Fixed references.

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], lying during the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face. This trait was likely inherited from his mother [[Barb]], whose dishonesty [[Cole Smithey E-mails|was described]] by [[Cole Smithey]] as "pathological".

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. [[CWC_Update_26_January_2009|going to Redmond]]). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|Rule 34]] of [[Megan]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[TRUE and HONEST]].

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence. The end result is a compulsive liar who is about as sly as a two-year-old who has been caught with both hands in the proverbial cookie jar screaming his head off about how he wasn't trying to steal anything whilst bits of cookie fly out of his mouth.

As of recently, Chris has taken to calling his lying "misspeaking". Instead of accepting that someone has busted him on his BS, he prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this new ploy.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==
* In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that [[nudes|nude]] photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat #2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
* For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet, if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]], where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> He even said that they had a date together at Taco Bell and shared his first kiss with her. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13|Mailbag #13]], he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
* When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
* Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely.
* In an e-mail,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] - "Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, 'I Love You' to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me."</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
* He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
* Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
* Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYAAc9zAVQw backfired horribly], Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge|''SingStar'' Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the ''SingStar'' Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
* Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]].
* Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's ''SingStar'' Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
* In [[Mailbag 14|Mailbag #14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
* In [[Mailbag 25|Mailbag #25]], Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the Internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
* Chris began receiving e-mails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
* In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
* On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
* During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also, during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
* Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first." Episode #17, which was written long before ''Asperchu'' even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
* When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with ''Sonichu''; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|video game]] about ''[[Sonichu]]'', nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
* Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and, in fact, complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
* Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the Internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into The GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
* Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about The Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths, and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and The Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally...[[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a.) [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b,) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c.) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
* In [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the U.S. military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original e-mail. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
* In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
* Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
* In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|an e-mail exchange with Jackie]], he claims his [[Duck|penis]] is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
* Chris told [[Vivian Gee]] that he read her book, ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', when, in reality, he gave it to [[Rocky Shoemaker|his pastoral counselor]], and never touched it beyond that.<ref>[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]</ref>
* In the [[Miyamoto emails]], Chris claims he never sexually harassed [[Megan Schroeder]], despite drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], and Megan repeatedly having told Chris to stop touching her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006]]</ref>
<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007]]</ref>
<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

Random-access humor

2012-04-21T02:27:50Z

Ferret: /* Random ramblings */

: '''random access''' ''n.''
:: 1. ''(computing)'' type of storage access where arbitrary data can be accessed, as opposed to sequential access (q.v.). ''See also'' random access memory.
::''adj.''
:: 2. ''(CWCism)'' non-sequiturial; lacking any coherence.
: '''humor''' ''n.''
:: 1. Something funny.
:: 2. ''(CWCism)'' Something not funny, but which can be made funny when accessed randomly (q.v.). ''See'' random access.

[[Image:Wild_Snergen_Flergen.jpg|thumb|[[Wild Sonichu]] offers some uproarious random-access humor]]

'''Random-access humor''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|terminology]] for his tendency to blurt out whatever random thought enters his mind, regardless of its relevance to a given situation. More traditional literary analysts might describe this as the [[Wikipedia:Non sequitur (literary device)|literary device of ''non sequitur'']]. The "humor" part of the phrase stems from Christian's assumption that if he says something completely irrelevant and random that it is automatically funny, which is a common fallacy among nerds and retards. At this moment, the strongest portrayal of Chris's random-access humor can be found in his [[CWCFlyingElephants]] video.

Ironically enough, Chris's random-access humor is often unoriginal. Jokes are mostly taken from [[Adult Swim]] shows, ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'', ''[[Family Guy]]'', or even shows like [[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd 'n Eddy|''Ed, Edd n Eddy'']] and [[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|''Samurai Pizza Cats'']], making them completely out of context. This shows that, even when Chris doesn't have to make any sense, he still has a hard time coming up with original material. When Chris ''is'' original, it's mostly in the form of childish rhymes or making word-plays. This is due to Chris being a [[Autism papers|"somewhat concrete"]] thinker, having a tough time understanding abstract concepts (including humor). Because of his linear thinking, he has the tendency to take jokes literally (e.g. Bob told Chris a joke about Obama painting the White House black if he won the 2008 election).

The randomosity is also questionable in that the allegedly random jokes are also frequently repeated; Chris keeps ''re-telling'' the same jokes that weren't funny in the first try. (For example, if you are a confused foreigner who has no idea what "Nantucket" is, ''you will Google it soon.'') Chris has specifically stated he actually fears things that are beyond his control,<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:DariaCamacho User talk:DariaCamacho]</ref> a fear which falls nicely in line with [[autism]].

Chris also uses the term "random-access memory", which is basically when he says something completely random without the intent of being funny. He tends to use these when a conversation is not going in a direction he wants it to and hopes that interjecting this other thought-line will briefly distract him from seeing what a failure he is.

{{quote|Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though, most of the time, I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.|Chris during the [[Father Call]], showing off his mad computer science and neuroscience skills}}

==Random ramblings==
In November [[2007]], in a misguided attempt to help [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] to get to know him better and stop trolling him, Christian added the following to his ED page:

<blockquote>
----

Each Brain in every person in the world is a computer, complete with an InfiniteGB RAM...Emphasis on Random, and our [[Christian Weston Chandler|Autistic Hero]] is no exception. Here are some of his ramblings that can make him comparable to the TV-Talking-styles of those retarded robots, the [[Transformers Generation 1|Junkeons]]...

{{quote| -"Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?"<ref>Originally said by Ed; originated from Ed Edd n Eddy episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/one-plus-one-equals-ed/episode/117706/summary.html "One Plus One Equals Ed"]</ref>
 -"[[Autism_papers#MENTAL_STATUS_EXAM:|Uncle Spunky is a Funky Monkey]]."
 -"[[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]."
 -"All aboard, here we go, let's go...somewhere else."
 -"[[CWCFlyingElephants|I once knew a man from Nantucket, and he had on his head a silly bucket.]]"
 -"I'm gonna call my lawer, his name is Tom Seywer, he has a daughter named Sue, who has been visiting her Uncle Sam for many years. Poor Tom."
 -"I knew a nose from the Pocanose, but then he ran away to Snotsvillvania."
 -"Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED."<ref>From the US-dubbed version of Samurai Pizza Cats. Emperor Fred only said his name because he had " his wisdom teeth removed."</ref>
 -"[[BILLY MAYS|Call 'Right Now']], and we'll send you a beautiful girl to be your [[Sweetheart]], FREE. But you'd better call 'Right Now', or otherwise you'll get bupkis. And believe me, you do not want bupkis. Welcome to Bupkistown."
 -"Welcome to the Novelty Shop, this is [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], how can I help you?...Okay, we can do that."
 -"Well get out of here. What are you waiting on? I'm gonna chase you outta here."<ref>Originally said by Meatwad; originated from ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' episode [http://athf.frostillusions.net/transcripts/oldrippy.html "Ol' Drippy"]</ref>
 -"[[Flipnote Hatena|You've got a Hippo on your head.]]"
 -"[[Transformers]]. Robots on your head. Okay."
 -"I'm upside-down in a car, drivin' my way to the grocery store."<ref name="brak"> From [[Adult Swim|''The Brak Show'']] episode [http://members.fortunecity.com/brakshow/newbrak.html "The New Brak"]</ref>
 -"I have bow-ties on my feet, I must be walking with my neck."<ref name="brak"/>
 -"Root-de-do-de-do. Stop saying 'Root-de-do-de-do,' that's my bit, get your own. Oh, okay, how about 'Spling-ling, bling-ling, splee-de-de-le-deee?'"<ref name="brak"/>
 -"What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they need a dentist.<ref>''Sealab 2021'' episode "Legend of Baggy Pants" (Pod Six was another pod that was part of the lab. Captain Murphy referred to them as "[[JERKS|jerks]]")</ref>"
 -"Is this [[Wes Iseli|Walter Grisby]]? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what?"

|Chris-Chan|}}

I Watch TOO MUCH FUCKING TELEVISION!!!
----
</blockquote>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Punchy]] - A fighting electric hedgehog Pokémon who is explicitly stated to be the master of RAH, although, so far, he hasn't shown it.
*[[Monty Python]] - Actual masters of RAH, whom Chris unsuccessfully tried to emulate.
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]]
*[[I Got A Fish]]
*[[Bunny Hop]]
*[[Yellow is a Mellow Color]]
*[[Christian's Sex Joke]] - A staple of Chris's repertoire.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Family Guy

2012-04-21T02:19:54Z

Ferret:

[[Image:Herbert.JPG|thumb|Chris' favorite character on ''Family Guy''.]] [[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

'''''[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Family Guy]]''''' is an animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] rips it off so much in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]], much like the show rips off everything else.

The series is also the "inspiration" for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]. Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his "skitch" in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, poorly drawn, boring shit on his own.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least "borrowing") themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

The specific scene which Chris referenced depicted [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quoting [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being twofold; Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible [[hypocrite|hypocritical]], and, as pointed out by [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]], he is too infantile to properly consider Biblical scripture, a dig at ''precisely'' the sort of [[religion|brainless Bible-thumping]] Chris exhibits. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

It is notable that [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] holds almost the complete opposite beliefs as Chris — he is [[Wikipedia:Liberalism (United States)|liberal]], [[Wikipedia:Atheism|atheist]], supports gay marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing MacFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.
{{quote|"Why is it that Johnny Spaghetti Stain in fucking Georgia can knock a woman up, legally be married to her, and then beat the shit out of her, but these two intelligent, sophisticated writers who have been together for 20 years can't get married?"|Seth MacFarlane, supporting gay rights }}
Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears]]</ref> When he's angry — in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] — Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].

==Controversy==
A majority of the show is based off its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. The jokes would fly right over any kid's head, yet Chris believes that kids would find the show so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, most of which are lewd.

==Chris and Meg==
{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his drawings.

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

It is unknown what his opinion of Meg is following all the "nasty-ass" sex she had with the [[niggo]] Jerome in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Jerome Is the New Black|Jerome Is the New Black]]".

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him. However, he revealed this to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, though to what purpose remains to be seen.

==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give Megan more respect, because she IS VERY BEATIFUL in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==''American Dad!''==
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley." [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]]. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of marijuana jokes or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

==''The Cleveland Show''==
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, a recent episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100 2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to Jackie's chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat VIII]]</ref>

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the {{CWCipedia link|Family Guy|plot he posted}} on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

At no point does Chris suggest anything that could possibly lead into a joke. Even if you don't like the show, you've got to admit that it's funnier than what he suggests.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos]]exuality, his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]] and issues with the plot that only someone with [[autism]] would notice. Also, the tower incident that [[Chris]] is referring to takes place in the ''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story''. However, Chris is wrong about it causing Stewie to be straight. This is because it is pretty obviously hinted in this movie that he is gay, as he is a virgin at 30, still shows very flamboyant tendencies and is very reluctant to have sex with a woman.

Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

*''"Megan does not deserve [[Kick the Autistic|the abuse]] she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!"''

*''"Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up [[Straight]]."''

*''"[[Wikipedia:Chris Griffin|Chris]] finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 6)|Season 6]], Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 7)|Season 7]]?"''

*''"While I can see [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brain]] looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?"''

*''"In "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to Multiverse]]", in the "[[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]]" Universe, Stewie asks [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Greene]] through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my [[PS3]], the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's [[Adult Swim]]. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some."''

*Chris wants American Dad to have [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Haley]] in more episodes.

*He does not care for all the dick jokes in The Cleveland Show.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''
==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Rosechu

2012-04-21T02:13:26Z

Ferret: /* Intersex */

:''This article is about the character. For the general species of female OCs, see [[Rosechu (species)]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Rosechu Original.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Rosechu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 22 December 1988 (in universe)
22 December 2000 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female ([[Rosechu#Intersex|disputed]])
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'8" (142 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 90 lbs (41 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Luxray (father), Raichu (mother)
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Rosey]] or [[Raichu]]
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Vamprosa]] or [[The Incredible Lioness]]
|-
|}

'''Rosechu''' (pronounced "rose'chu" ([ˈroːztʃu]) in canon;<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu's CWCipedia Page]</ref> ro'-za-chu ([ˈrozətʃu]) in the [[Audiobooks]]) is the second [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] created by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian]], and the girlfriend-turned-wife of [[Sonichu]].

As the primary female character in the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' universe, she represents Chris's ideal woman. Rosechu's interests include kissing Sonichu, shopping, gossiping, sucking Sonichu's [[pickle]], posting nude photos of herself to the [[Internet]] to uphold her reputation, and stripping for [[Women's rights]]. Chris will occasionally have Rosechu refer to him as "father" (or more likely "papa"), just like Sonichu, implying the two are caught up in an [[Chris and sex#Incest|incestuous affair]].

Rosechu is extremely defensive about rumors that she has a [[pickles|penis]].

==Development==

{{quote|Pink Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. The original cutie. She is Sonichu’s girlfriend. Even though she can’t run as fast as Sonichu, she still can zap up some power when in danger.|Rosechu's background, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2]}}

Christian's primary interests are [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Pokémon]], and scoring [[pickle|pussy]]. Having first created [[Sonichu]], he would inevitably have to turn to fashioning a girlfriend for his creation, based predominantly on [[Amy Rose]], with minor elements from [[Raichu]] added. Whereas the Sonic/Amy relationship is deliberately one-sided to create some drama and comedy, Christian prides himself on the fact that Sonichu and Rosechu have absolutely no sexual tension or any complications in their romance at all.

Intentionally or not, the entire Sonichu/Rosechu relationship serves as Christian's model for how he presumes he will interact with his eventual sweetheart. Sonichu's attraction to Rosechu is based entirely on a single wayward glance. He makes no effort to win her affection, and indeed he does not need to as Rosechu falls for him simply because he exists. They are rarely out of one another's sight, and all of their time together is spent kissing, snuggling or screwing. Christian does not depict Rosechu as an unequal partner in the relationship, but since she has almost no purpose or existence outside of her association with Sonichu, the character essentially becomes an [[Kimmi|object]] for Sonichu to periodically [[Semen|come]] inside.

As [[trolls]] discovered Chris's weak spot for fan art of Rosechu with a penis, Christian responded with increasing attempts to prove Rosechu's femininity, drawing her less like the cartoonish Amy Rose and with greater attention to her breasts, hips, legs, underwear and cameltoe. This drive to assert Rosechu's sexuality, along with Chris's inevitable sexual attraction to his own character, probably contributed to Rosechu's increasing prominence in the comics. [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is almost entirely about her, to the point of Rosechu demonstrating powers far superior to her boyfriend.

Chris developed a biography page for Rosechu and revealed that he had created her on 22 December [[2000]], over nine months after creating Sonichu. Nowhere on there is there any mention of him using [[Amy Rose]] as a base. It should also be noted that this was done pretty much under force, as Rosechu (one of the comic's main characters) did not have a page until [[February 2010]], while [[Simonla]], a rather minor character, had one back in [[December 2009]].

==Early life==

In the [[CWCipedia]] article for Rosechu, Chris gives a rambling, pointless backstory for Rosechu. According to Chris, Rosechu was raised by her parents: a female [[Wikipedia:Raichu|Raichu]] and a male Luxray. The [[Wikipedia:Luxray|Luxray]] hunts and does other manly things, while the Raichu stays home and [[Women's Rights|cooks dinner]]. Chris gives the small group a family dynamic similar to that of humans, though such a setup is rare and, perhaps even ridiculous in the [[Pokémon]] franchise. While still a [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]], she was captured by a trainer (Chris even says which Pokémon the trainer uses and what attack it performs in order to capture her, as if anyone gave a shit), traumatizing her greatly with the separation from her family (though unlike [[Wild Sonichu]], she doesn't even express any kind of minimal regret at the loss of her only loved ones later in life).

The Pichu was taken in by [[Wikipedia:Professor Oak|Professor Oak]], a character from the first-generation Pokémon games, and given to [[Kel|Kellie Felix]] as a consolation for not having arrived in time to receive one of the traditional starters. This plot point is stolen directly from the Pokémon anime, which started the same way.

More bullshit happens that no one cares about, mostly dealing with [[Kel]] gathering a full team of Pokémon. Oddly, every one of her Pokémon has a name ("David," "Ashley", etc.) but the Pichu is not given one. The Pichu that would become Rosechu evolves into a Pikachu at one point, and at level 50 Kel uses a Thunder Stone to force it to evolve into a [[Wikipedia:Raichu|Raichu]].

==Sexism==

{{quote|She is not just a sex object; she is an individual with her own feelings, aspirations and opinions.|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#The incredible vanishing email|explaining how he sees Rosechu as a sex object]]}}
Since Chris knows virtually nothing about actual women, he has no frame of reference for Rosechu's characterization, beyond qualities that make her a perfect mate in his eyes. Beyond her relationship with Sonichu and her defiance of [[4-cent garbage.com]], Chris can only have Rosechu do stereotypical female activities. She enjoys "shopping" for no other reason than Chris having deemed this as a compulsory feminine quality, as well as having long "girly chats" that can last for hours — as seen with her interaction with Amy Rose. Despite all of the shopping she does, she always wears the same outfit in public (when she isn't making porn for women's rights).

Her only other hobbies seem to include lounging in fields of flowers, and getting kidnapped and constantly needing her man Sonichu to save her.

Also worth noting is that, unlike Sonichu, Rosechu didn't fall in love at first glance. According to the [[CWCipedia]], Rosechu only fell in love with Sonichu right after he asked her to get him something to eat. [[Women's right|Subtle]].

Despite being slower than her counterpart,<ref>"[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]"</ref> and rarely showing any usefulness or fighting prowess (merely twice at last count), Chris claims that Rosechu is equal to her heartsweet in every way; she's just always caught off-guard, is all.<ref>[[Common Questions#30_January_2010]]</ref>

It is notable that her nickname is the '''exact same''' as the [[Rosey|baby form]] of her species, in what is totally [[lie|not]] an infantilization of her character. To Chris's credit, she probably had the nickname before Chris came up with the Sonee/Rosey idea. Also, this could simply be an emulation of the common term of endearment ''"baby"'' normal people use.

==Intersex==

[[Image:TheTailofRosechu.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's edited "proof" of Rosechu's sex]]
[[Image:TheREALTailofRosechu.jpg|thumb|The unedited page tells a different story]]

On 12 January 2010, Chris received [[Mailbag 39#Rosechu the transwoman|a letter from a fan]] complimenting his portrayal of Rosechu as a [[Wikipedia:Transwoman|transwoman]]. The [[Raichu]] which would become Rosechu had a defined pointed tip on its tail, which, as of the fourth generation of the ''Pokémon'' video game series, is characteristic of the male of the species (whereas the females have a flattened tail tip). Rather than explaining that he had created the character before this sexual characteristic existed in the game art, Chris's reaction was to freak out in [[Chris and writing|CAPS LOCK]] and [[12 January 2010#Part 2|scream into his camera]]. This intense reaction, of course, meant that the trolls had found yet another one of Chris's hot-buttons.

Chris received [[Mailbag 42#It was just a girl that had all the physical characteristics of a boy|two]] [[Mailbag 44#On Rosechu's man-parts|more]] letters about Rosechu's transgendered nature before taking further action. He threw together a poorly photoshopped collage, declaring that it proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that Rosechu was female. Unfortunately for Chris, the page in the archives remained unedited. This was pointed out in [[Mailbag 45]], one mailer pointed out the real page unedited. Chris responded to the serious accusation of lying to his fans the only way he knew: by deleting the letter.

Whether the Raichu in question had a pointed tail (male), or a dented tail (female), it's all pointless seeing that Rosechu's tail is that of a male's. Chris finally used the obvious defense that the gender differences didn't exist when he drew the page in [[Mailbag 51#Apologizing deeply|Mailbag 51]], when a patient fan explained he should have done that all along.

When Chris created the Rosechu biography page, he mentioned that Rosechu had a blunt tail as a Raichu (despite the earlier pictures) and that it became pointed because of her transformation.
{{clear}}

==Marriage==

[[Image:AfterTheHoneyMoon.jpg|thumb|Rosechu's marriage with Sonichu hasn't been as idyllic as she always imagined...]]

Rosechu married Sonichu in a top secret ceremony at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church on March 17, 2006.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref> Despite living and sleeping together openly, the two lovebirds saw fit to keep their union out of the spotlight by wearing their rings under their gloves. Rosechu quickly set to work fulfilling her sole creator-given biological function (aside from designated sperm-dumpster) as a [[Sonee and Rosey]] factory. As of 2009, the couple have [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three hidden children]], abandoned to their put-upon yet attractive [[Heather Iglesias|Hispanic lesbian nanny]], presumably so the grown-ups can continue their important day-jobs of appearing to not be married with children in Chris's comics.

Rosechu "volunteered on her own sound decision to have her tubes tied,"<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#4-Cent_Garbage CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref> which Chris believe is a reversible procedure (it is generally permanent; reversal attempts have varying levels of success). Rosechu does this despite the fact that it would presumably be easier for Sonichu to get a [[Wikipedia:vasectomy|vasectomy]] and much easier for Sonichu just to wear a damn condom, as both characters have espoused in fake PSAs within the comic. The fact that being sterilized is Rosechu's responsibility rather than her husband's illustrates Chris's [[women's rights|self-centered views on masculinity, responsibility, and the woman's role in a marriage]].

==Religion==

She appears to hold [[Chris and religion|Christian beliefs]], reminding Sonichu that instead of [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|using violence]] or [[CWC is Angry|getting angry]] with his foes, he should remember the story of Joseph and "forgive".

Rosechu quickly forgets this lesson, attacking workers in a building only minutes later for daring to imply that she might not be a female. Not very forgiving yourself, are we, Rosechu?

She also commits attempted murder shortly afterward, savagely assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] not only for the crime of creating a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|satire website]] about her creator - but for throwing a pickle at her. At this point, Joseph's story of Forgiveness goes straight out the window. Proving her [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] yet again, Rosechu transforms into [[The Incredible Lioness]], face-rapes Jason and tears his scalp open before electrocuting his head, leaving him convulsing in a pool of blood.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_46 Sonichu 8]</ref>

==Campaigner==

Despite the sexism evident, Rosechu is a long-term campaigner for [[Women's rights]].

Rosechu has also been known to complain about the "dumb" child pornography laws,<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]</ref> voicing Chris's not-so-subtle wish that they be overturned so [[pedofork|he can do fifteen year olds]].

Rosechu, the perfect role model for Chris-chan's young female audience.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:229-ACRchu.jpg
Image:230-ACRchuBck.jpg
Image:234-RchuCard1.jpg
Image:235-RchuCard2.jpg
Image:236-RchuCard3.jpg
Image:237-YuRosechu.jpg
Image:239-RchuWink.jpg
Image:241-DolledRchu.jpg
Image:242-RosechuStyle.jpg
Image:512-RosechuAtPacSun.JPG|Originally believed to be [[DJ Jamsta]], it turns out this is Rosechu.
Image:A_pickle.jpg|NOT PHOTOSHOPPED!
Image:238-RosechuPose.jpg
Image:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|[[The Incredible Lioness|Rosechu's final form]], campaigning for [[women's rights]] with facerape.
Image:Modnation Rosechu.jpg|''[[ModNation Racers]]''
Image:ECP 00077.jpg|They've fused!
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==

{{Fan art}}
{{CWCipedia}}

*[[Vamprosa]]
*[[The Incredible Lioness]]
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[CWCville#Zapbud|Zapbud]], a flower Rosechu lieks.
*[[Pickle]], a vegetable Rosechu is [[Silvana|implied to have]].

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Rosechus]]

Liquid Chris

2012-04-21T02:11:16Z

Ferret: Linked to the 2nd mirror of ED

{{Improve|massive reorganization|Expand the subtopics under the ''Liquid Saga'' for great justice. Add details and citations.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Trolls</s> Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Liquid Chris
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Chris Chandler<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref> Jeff<ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref>
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[Kacey]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer Musician
|-
|}
'''Liquid Chris''' (born 24 [[February 1982]]) is the '''[[TRUE and HONEST]] Christian Weston Chandler''' (ORIGINAL IDENTITY — DO NOT STEAL) and creator of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu]].

==Prologue==
[[June 2009]] was a busy month for [[Christian]] (henceforth '''[[Metal Gear Solid|Solid Chris]]'''), with both highs and lows. Solid was getting out of the house more and knocking back some [[Chris's Big Night Out|Long Islands]] with a new group of acquaintances. He was given the reins to his shiny new [[CWCipedia]] and had his [[YouTube]] account "CChanSonichu" compromised. Yes, he was [[Rollin' and Trollin']] indeed.

{{quote|And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.|Solid Chris, [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]}}

==Liquid Saga==
{{Protip|If you're going to call Chris "Ian", do so only in the context of this saga.}}

====A challenger appears====
[[Image:Torture.jpg|Liquid Chris torturing the impostor.|thumb]]
:''See also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#Antebellum|Liquid's Antebellum Videos]]''

At the end of the month a new YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CChanSonichuCWC], appeared with a simple premise: that the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler (henceforth '''Liquid Chris''') was back online after a long absence, during which he lost his account to hackers, so all the weirdness on "CChanSonichu" was the work of hacking trolls, and he announced that he was ready to resume posting HONEST content on his new account. This new CWC posted four more videos, much of which were [[parodies]] of earlier videos by Solid Chris.

{{quote|How else would I get fan art, if I was not the original creator of Sonichu?|Liquid Chris, [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Update:_I_am_Still_the_Real_Christian_Weston_Chandler_Despite_LIES_AND_SLANDER._Also.2C_Some_Fan_Art|3 July 2009]]}}

Notably, Liquid Chris sported:
* A paper Sonichu medallion
* A striped shirt (brown)
* Pedo-glasses
* Obesity (by means of a stuffed shirt, later removed)
* Autism

All of which, of course, made him almost [[Chris and Reality|''indistinguishable'']] from Solid Chris! Solid himself made no comment, probably because he didn't notice the new videos among the chatter of all the other trolling. The alternative — that Solid just ignored them — is far too reasonable to consider.

====Ian Brandon Anderson====
{{main|Ian Brandon Anderson}}

What really cranked this up to eleven was a chain of events that started with Solid Chris getting his "CChanSonichu" channel back: First, Solid posted [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|a series of videos]] on 10 [[July 2009]] where he "called out" three trolls by their YouTube handles, and dropped their docs (well, dropped "supposed states of residence"). That resulted in the permanent banhammer for "CChanSonichu".

The next piece fell into place when he posted his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]] video on his new YouTube account, "[[IBAChandler]]". When it hit [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], newfags everywhere momentarily lost control of their bowels, thinking they'd been trolled by a grand master. Trolls, however, did what trolls do best: they started riffing on it. Pretty quickly, YouTube comments popped up referring to Solid as "Ian Brandon Anderson". Such was the price of success for Solid's small drop of near win in his sea of epic fail: he had delivered unto his enemies a weapon that they'd use for months.

Even then, the damage control from that episode alone would probably have kept him from noticing Liquid's videos. Until that is, Liquid raised the stakes in an attempt to get Solid's attention.

===CWCivil War begins===
[[Image:Honest-and-true.jpg|thumb|right|TRUTH and HONESTY established by the state of [[Virginia]]!]]
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#The CWCivil|Liquid's CWCivil War Videos]]''

The war began on 21 July, when Liquid uploaded a [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Now_Selling_the_OFFICIAL_and_ORIGINAL_SONICHU_Merchandise_of_CWC.2C_NO_FAKERIES_OR_IMPOSTORY|video]] that reeled Solid in hook, line, and sinker, having sold Sonichu merchandise with [[Samantha Thaddeus]] at Otakon. A rebuttal was in order:

{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC]". HE IS CRAPPY, and his Nasal Voice is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL!<ref>[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

Solid also took time out from his busy schedule to post threats on Liquid's YouTube comments:

{{quotebox|'''The Final Showdown'''

Hey, DUMBASS! [[Chris and his ego|YOU WISH YOU WERE ME]]! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Ct.]] [[Ruckersville]], VA
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[Naive|NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day. 
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler<ref>[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

Even at this point, Solid Chris still may have let this all go, as he was simultaneously getting blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], who was holding his [[PSN]] account to ransom. But as that wound down, Liquid caught Solid's eye again, by picking up on the Ian Brandon Anderson meme:

{{quotebox|Hello, again, Loyal Fans,

It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON). Anyway, I am Working Very Hard on Sonichu 9 and Things may be Progressing Heavily with my new TRUE [[Gal-Pal]] [[Kacey]] and I. Also, Expect more Announcements of this Developing Caliber in the Future.

Stay True.

CWC<ref>[[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Christian_Weston_Chandler.27s_EXCITING_ANNOUNCEMENT_of_SONICHU_and_Addressing_Things.| Christian Weston Chandler's EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT of SONICHU and Addressing Things.]]</ref>}}

==The battleground==

===="More Than A Feeling"====
[[Image:CWCvsIanGuitar.jpg|thumb|The REAL Chris is not only cute, he can play the guitar!]]
:''See Also: [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]''
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#More_Than_A_Feeling_THE_TRUE_VERSION_by_Christian_Weston_Chandler_.28CWC.29|More Than A Feeling THE TRUE VERSION by Christian Weston Chandler (CWC)]]

For whatever reason, Solid dug up an old video of himself failing at ''Guitar Hero'' and dumped it online. Liquid shot back with a TRUE and HONEST rendition on a real guitar.

====Spanish Challenge====
[[Image:Cestnepas.jpg|thumb|Ceci n'est pas une Chris.]]
:''Main Article: [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''

More [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|video rage]] followed before Solid attempted a cunning plan:

{{quote|También. Mi presente. Responde en español bueño. ¿Si no que bueño? Tu no eres el verdad. Tu eres el impostor.|Solid Chris, ''[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''}}

The plan backfired when [[CWC_Update_29_July_2009#Liquid.27s_response|Liquid responded more fluently in Spanish, French, German, and Japanese]].

====''SingStar'' Challenge====
[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|thumb|Only one clear choice, choosing the TRUE and HONEST Chris.]]
{{Main|SingStar Challenge}}

{{quote|Alright, Christian, Mr. Brown-Striped Impostor, since you have been able to accept and complete my question challenges, it is time to issue a new challenge.|Solid Chris, [[SingStar Challenge|"''SingStar'' Challenge"]]}}

[[Fail|And then he shaved his goatee off. Dry. With a safety razor.]]

As expected, the contest went to Liquid and Solid was a sore loser about it. Liquid had a tally of four votes in favor, two against. He then took his leave from the competition, after announcing a number of personal coups:
* That he'd finally found a true sweetheart, [[Kacey]].
* That he'd landed a job as a Production Manager and Game Designer at [[Microsoft]] for a ''Sonichu'' game for all consoles.
* That Dark Horse Comics would be publishing his [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], making him even more filthy rich, with the opening of the CWCStore.

And finally, that he had decided to stop battling the Solid, and move out of his parents' house to live in Redmond, Seattle, to continue his happy, successful life.

==="SHOWDOWN"===
{{Main|SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE}}

{{Quote|You’re breaking my balls here.|Solid, [[SHOWDOWN|"SHOWDOWN"]]}}

On 9 [[August 2009]], Liquid called Solid up and confronted him over the slanderous lies he was telling on YouTube. Solid tried reason, and when that failed, he threatened to arrest Liquid for identity theft and involve Bob in this debacle.

{{quotebox|If you do not come clean right now, I am going to get my father in on this further, and you are going to get fucking arrested, thrown in jail, and you will not get to live the peaceful, happy life that Kacey and I would like [voice cracks] you to live because Kacey really cares for you MAN!<ref>[[SHOWDOWN|"SHOWDOWN"]]</ref>}}

==="I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up."===

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_Gs7ZqOl2CA}}
| Stardate = 14 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} Music {{Galpals}} Kacey
| Performance Style = {{Reason}} Reason
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the SingStar Contest. Also, More Updates on Sonichu and Going Places :)|Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the ''SingStar'' Contest. Also, More Updates on ''Sonichu'' and Going Places :)]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
}}

Of course, this sent Solid completely over the deep end. First, he raged:

{{quote|STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, EVERYTHING! STOP HIM! HE DESERVES NOTHING!|Solid Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]]}}

Then, he tried reason:

{{quotebox|The ''Singstar'' Challenge was NEVER to verify who was the real Christian Weston Chandler, because everyone on the [[Internet]] knows that I am, he's the impostor. They should quit encouraging him. And I wish that he would stop his stupid, damn, dirty game. I don't know what the heck is wrong with his head. [''his voice gets higher''] He ain't right. He don't even let me get a word in edgewise. He just keeps going on and on AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNN! Worse than my father!<ref>[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who|"The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who"]]</ref>}}

And as summer disappeared, so too did Liquid Chris: The apparent victim of foul play. Viewer discretion is advised, as the next video is disturbing.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = GONE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CzDj29Vy7ro}}
| Stardate = 15 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence}} [[Death threats]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.|I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#10152009|10152009]]
}}

Chris's sweetheart, [[Kacey]], was distraught over the event and posted a video confirming Chris's disappearance and announcing her withdrawal from their engagement.

===CWCivil War II: Kacey Boogaloo===
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to Boyfriends.]]
{{Main|Kacey}}

Liquid Chris reappeared on 15 [[October 2009]] with a new video explaining the trials and tribulations of the past few months, and igniting a heated love triangle with Solid for Kacey's affections.

In the [[Greetings to Kacey's folks|video]] addressed to Kacey's parents, Solid called him '''"the previous Chris"'''. In a [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|desperate video for Kacey]], Solid called him '''"the other Chris"''' repeatedly.

When the dust had settled, Solid had [[Father Call|offended Kacey's father]] and, through his immaturity, pushed Kacey back into the loving arms of the real Chris.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = 10152009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fLVg6VkxpLY}}
| Stardate = 15 October 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Homos}} Homos {{Rumors}} Rumours
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.|THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.]]
}}

===Epilogue===
Liquid Chris is now married to his beloved sweetheart, [[Kacey]]. As the one TRUE and HONEST creator of Sonichu, his artwork and comics are extremely popular and he often attracts many beautiful [[boyfriend-free]] females with his medallions and his [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar of Win]].

Liquid makes mad [[Clyde Cash|cash]] by selling said medallions at Otakon and other [[anime]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|conventions]] while voicing Solid in ''Sonichu: The Animated Series''. He has also made several hundred thousand dollars from his two critically acclaimed games, ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' and ''Sonichu: The Crystal Chronicles'' for the [[Nintendo]] DS and [[Xbox]] 360, respectively.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V1gEjtmm9M</ref> On 27 July 2011, Liquid bid fond faredieu to the trolling universe on YouTube by closing his account.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = Sonichu's Copyright Proof and Thank You Kacey's Father
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Lav-RaVcYXQ}}
| Stardate = 06 November 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Comics}} Comics
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey|My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey]]
| next = [[Sonichu_Special_4|Conspiracy to ATTEMPT MURDER AGAIN from Ian Brandon Anderson (his Comic Pages)]]
}}

'''VIDEO DESCRIPTION:'''
{{quotebox|Kacey, you Know who is Right, in Your Heart.

Signed,

"Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler (C.W.C)}}

==Irony==
[[File:Liquidd.jpg|thumb|left|Ian acts as the real Chris, in [[100 2270|"100 2270"]].]]
[[Image:LiquidChrisBelieveInMe.jpg|thumb|BELIEVE.]]
IBAChandler has mocked Liquid on several points:

* [[Speech Impediment|His nasal tone.]]
* [[Chris and fashion|His brown striped shirt.]]
* [[Chris and Money|Actually making money off ''Sonichu''.]]
* [[Fat|His appearance.]]

It's a bad sign when one is fighting a mirror, and worse when the mirror is winning.

In early August 2009,<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009]]</ref> Solid began to believe that Liquid couldn't be the real Chris because only the real Christian Weston Chandler is a [[retard]] who is the laughing stock of the Internet. Therefore, the fact that Liquid isn't trolled and doesn't do dumb shit suggests that he isn't the real Chris. Of course, previously mentioned theories seem to disprove this assertion.

In a further fit of irony, Ian ended up impersonating Liquid in a bizarre attempt to woo Liquid's girlfriend, [[Kacey]].

And in a last irony, Ian impersonated Chris who was impersonating him impersonating...or something...in [[100 2270|"100 2270"]].

== In the comic ==
[[Image:TrueAndHonestCWCArt.jpg|The impostor [[Chris]] stole his famous lecture to the [[Jerkops]] from the real Chris.|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|Go, [[IBAChandler]], and copycat-ly [sic] sieze [sic] to the extreme!]]

On 17 [[November 2009]], the TRUE and ORIGINAL Chris-chan made his very first appearance in Ian's [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Ian, being the slanderous troll that he is, had the nerve to imply that Liquid's name was, in fact, Ian Brandon Anderson, and once again tried to convince everyone that he, Solid was the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu.

Of course, since the comic is made by the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler, he would obviously cast the impostor in the comic and call him by his real name. Chris shows much more restraint for Ian than was shown to him in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]].

Chris planned a future plot where [[Giovanni]] captured [[Rosechu]] and forced Chris to cede control over [[CWCville]] to the browned-striped impostor.<ref>[[CWC Blog#20 November 2009]]</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Not TRUE AND ORIGINAL
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ayObshLZQwI}}
| Stardate = 2 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|s1SBdwZDN1k}}
| Stardate = 4 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part III
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dYrgl-otclY}}
| Stardate = 6 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm On Hexbawks. :)]]
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XhENYYmGAeA}}
| Stardate = 25 [[January 2010]]
| Maker = BobbyHillify
| Subject =
| Video Type = Trailer for the upcoming [[Xbox]] game.
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Solid Chris]]
* [[Robert Simmons V|Solidus Chris]]
* [[Jimmy Hill]]
* [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], another doppelganger of Chris featured in the Sonichu comics

==References==
<references/>

== External links ==
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary#g/c/51E59E5BF480DBD4 Archived versions of all of Liquid's videos]
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.se/The_Real_Chris_Chan#.22Christian_Weston_Chandler.22] on [[ED]]

 {{SingStarChallenge}} 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chris, Liquid}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Pre-1980

2012-04-19T00:55:31Z

Ferret: /* Pre-1900 */

This page covers events in [[CWCki:CWChronology|CWChronology]] occurring '''before 1980'''.
==Timeline==
===Pre-1900===
*'''c. 1499/1500 – 19 July 1543''' - life of [[Wikipedia:Mary Boleyn|Mary Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>
*'''c.1501/07 – 19 May 1536''' - life of [[Anne Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.
*'''1 March 1577 – 13 March 1634/35''' - life of [[Wikipedia:Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland|Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland]], Chris's alleged ancestor.<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>
*'''1620''' - the ''Mayflower'' sails, allegedly with [[Daniel Weston]] aboard.
*'''1723''' - Foundation of [[Ruckersville]].
*'''1762''' - Foundation of [[Charlottesville]]

===1900s===
*No events.
===1910s===
*'''18 July 1913''' - Birth of [[Red Skelton]]
===1920s===
*'''4 September 1927''' - Birth of [[Bob Chandler]].
===1930s===
*'''1935''' - Bob begins collecting stamps.
*'''26 January 1936''' - Birth of [[Aunt Corrina]].
===1940s===
*'''1 October 1941''' - Birth of [[Barbara]].
*'''1947-49''' - Bob is drafted into the U.S. Army and is stationed in Korea with the [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps]]<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeWYHFIKXJY</ref><ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>.

===1950s===
*c. '''1949-54''' - Bob comes home after a 21-month tour of duty<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_Training_and_Service_Act_of_1940#After_WWII]</ref> and goes to college (two years of pre-engineering in a small school and an engineering degree in [[Wikipedia:Auburn University|Auburn]]) under [[Wikipedia:G.I. Bill|the G.I. Bill]] and later starts his engineering career.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>
*'''1956''' - Birth of [[Michael Snyder]].<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic]</ref>
*'''1957''' - Birth of [[Matthew Devoria]], father of [[Kacey]].<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>
*'''20 July 1958''' - Birth of [[BILLY MAYS]]

===1960s===
*'''16 June 1961''' - Barbara marries Ran Coleman Yeatts.
*'''4 August 1961''' - Birth of [[Barack Obama]].
*'''28 November 1962'''<ref>[http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/8/83/457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG]</ref> - Birth of [[David Chandler]]
*'''24 July 1963''' - Birth of [[Cole Smithey]].
*'''7 July 1969''' - Birth of [[Carol Chandler]].

===1970s===
*'''4 July 1976''' - Birth of [[Clyde Cash]].
*'''1977''' - [[14 Branchland Court]] is built.
*'''1979''' - Bob and Barbara meet.<ref>[[Mumble 5]]</ref>
*'''14 December 1979''' - Birth of [[Joseph Herring]].

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Abusive babysitter

2012-04-17T23:45:07Z

Ferret:

[[Image:Babysitter.jpg|thumb|A re-enactment of what happened to Chris and his [[duck]].]]

The '''abusive babysitter''' was a babysitter in [[Chris]]'s neighborhood by the last name of '''Roach''' who watched Chris when he was 18 months old.<ref name="Wikipedia" /> According to [[Cole]], Roach was "unfit" as a babysitter, yet [[Barbara]] and [[Bob]] left Chris alone with her every day for years anyway while they went out drinking.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> She allegedly locked him in a room filled with toys while she babysat him, because of her feelings of anger towards him. Chris was so [[stress|traumatized]] by this incident that he didn't talk for six years.<ref name="Wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref>

Chris has blamed this event for his [[autism]], although evidence suggests that it is a hereditary disorder rather than a disorder induced by emotional trauma like post-traumatic stress disorder. Generally speaking, the age at which Chris was allegedly abused is around the same time that symptoms of autism begin to manifest themselves anyway.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism#Screening http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism#Screening]</ref> Once, in the [[Mailbag 12|Mailbag]], Chris shyed away from this explanation for his condition, possibly referring to the popular myth that links autism to childhood vaccinations instead.

While sparring with Clyde Cash in [[Mumble 3]], Chris said that he holds no ill will towards his parents for leaving him with the babysitter: "They did not know better."

The irony of it all is that now Chris locks ''himself'' in a [[Chris's room|room filled with toys]], and for days on end instead of merely hours. This irony has not yet been addressed by the man himself, but we can be sure that if trolls bring it up in the future, it will be duly ignored.

==References by Chris==
The earliest reference to the abusive babysitter is in the [[Song of Christian]] videos from [[1998]]. There, Chris explains the basics of the story and pegs her as the cause of his autism.

{{quote|I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean babysitter. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys, and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my autism began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.|Chris, Song of Christian Part 1}}

He later mentioned her in passing in [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]], the initial response to his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page in the fall of 2007, although in that instance he didn't directly link the babysitter to his mental handicap.

In an IRC chat from [[IRC (16 October 2008)|October 2008]], a troll pumped Chris for information about the babysitter, but Chris didn't offer anything new. When asked for details on what she did that he considered abusive, Chris replied, "only locked me in a room, alone by myself; no one else around in the room."

Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia user page]] from the spring of 2009 tells much the same story as the Song of Christian video, albeit in not so many words. In that case, though, he referred to her by name.

{{quote|While being babysat by a woman in my neighborhood, whose last name was Roach, she was angry for some reason, so she locked me in a room, all by my lonesome, and it was then at 1 1/2 Years of age, I stopped talking.|Chris, on Wikipedia, 01 May 2009}}

== Sources ==
<references />

== See also ==
*[[Heather Iglesias]]

{{People}}
[[Category:People]]

User:Ferret

2012-04-14T01:13:58Z

Ferret:

<div style="clear:right; float:right;">
{{Bisexual}}{{White}}{{IRCReg}}{{transcriber}}{{ClassicChris}}
</div>
Hai, I'm Ferret. I discovered the wonders of CWC through the videos of
[[Chris_in_the_media#Harry_Partridge|Harry Partridge]] and the [[Bunny Hop]] video. I discovered the [[CWCki]] on January. (I know this is not important :3)

IRL, I'm chilean, and I speak [[Spanish]]. That's all.

As of today, I've been <strike>piping on</strike> contributing to the CWCki for {{calcdays
|day1=27
|month1=1
|year1=2012
}} days and counting.

[[Image:Pickle-delivery.jpg|thumb|left|I just find this pic cute.]]

Jimmy Hill

2012-04-08T18:22:26Z

Ferret: /* Jimmy's work */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quote|Jimmy Hill is a Thief and an Impostor; DO NOT BUY HIS IMPOSTOR SONICHU CRAP!|Chris on Jimmy<ref>[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Jimmuh hill.jpg|150px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Jimmy Hill
|-
|'''Full name'''
|James William Thomas Hill
|-
|'''Born'''
|22 July [[Pre-1980|1928]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| British
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
Football pundit, copyright violator
|-
|}

'''Jimmy Hill''' is a [[troll]] who claimed to be the true original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and infuriated Chris by selling counterfeit [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] merchandise and aiming to launch the comic in Europe around September—December [[2008]].
==Jimmy Hill's work==
Jimmy Hill's version of Sonichu was a [[homo]], with [[Blake]] as his boyfriend and Rosechu his [[Gal-pal|fag-hag]]. He revered [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as his mother and Jimmy Hill as his father, and battled Chris-Chu's giant jerk-bot. Hill also sold OFFICIAL merch, including a [[muscle bra]] "suitable for [[Barbara|geriatric females]] and [[Chris|overweight men who are uncertain about their sexuality]]."
==Chris responds==
In September 2008, Chris first responded to the unauthorized merch sales, referring to him as "Jerry Hill."<ref>[[Christian's Update 11 September 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008]]</ref>

The next month, Chris raged more openly against Jimmy Hill, pointing out that Hill's work was an obvious ripoff of his, and ignoring that his own work is a ripoff of everything.<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008]]</ref>

He and [[PandaHalo]] planned to sue Jimmy,<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]</ref> and when she said "i hope somebody cuts off his penis" in IRC, Chris made his famous statement, "I hope he loses his [[duck]]."<ref>[[IRC (24 October 2008)]]</ref>

His fans at [[ED]] left a sign reading "ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA ♥ JIMMY HILL" on Chris's lawn on [[Halloween]] 2008. A year later, he tore up the sign on [[YouTube]]<ref>[[Sign Destruction Video]]</ref>.

During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris grandiosely stated, ''"I declare another step forward in the Sonichu Game project, and the downfall of that Impostor, Jimmy Hill. I have also informed them of Sarah Mitchel's message of Sega of Japan leaning to pay the impostor, but Takashi will most certainly step in and avert the mistake from being made. Then hopefully, with their help, I'll be able to claim the copyrights in the UK that should have been mine in the first place. I already had them from the Virginia Library of Congress."''
[[File:SchuComic10P20.jpg|thumb|Something from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].]]

By [[February 2009]], Jimmy's site had gone quiet and Chris decided he was no longer a threat.<ref>[[Mumble 2]]</ref> But when amending the Chris-chan [[ED]] page, Chris was enraged at the idea of Jimmy becoming Mayor of [[CWCville]].<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>
==Jimmy's work==
<center><gallery>
Image:Anime1.jpg|Image from the extremely popular Sonichu anime, which is the hottest show in Europe.
Image:Anime2.jpg|"Sonichu, as your TRUE ORIGINAL CREATOR I command you to ZAP that wanker!"
Image:Anime3.jpg|Sonichu, the first openly gay children's cartoon character who is truly an inspiration to us all.
Image:Anime4.jpg|Oh no! It's the evil Chris-Chu!
Image:Sonichuadvertnw4.jpg|The ad that started it all.
Image:Viz-advert812.jpg|AND LOOK, IT'S IN A REAL MAGAZINE SO THEREFORE IT MUST BE REAL. TOTALLY NOT PRINTED OUT AND INSERTED ON TOP OF AN EXISTING PAGE.
Image:Article-sonichu-71.jpg|Only in today's Europe can a man who was guilty of copyright infringement create such a brilliant and lovable gay children's character!
Image:Dailymailarticlebo4.jpg|Even the Daily Mail can't help but cover Sonichumania in Europe.
Image:Boxes633.jpg|Boxes of the #1 best selling DVD in the UK ''[[DVD|Yep, I'm on TV! - Jimmy Hill's Life Story]]''
Image:Dvdrack2ed3.jpg|Within seconds, all of the Jimmy Hill DVDs were sold out.
Image:JimmyHillLogo.jpg|Unlike Chris, Jimmy Hill was definitely on the [[honor roll]].
Image:Sonichu Comic Issue 1.jpg|Look familiar? That's because Chris STOLE Mr. Hill's brilliant cover for his [[Sonichu 0|own use]]
Image:Xbox game small.jpg|The video game!
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references/>
==See also==
*[[Sonichu.net]]
==External links==
* [http://sonichu.110mb.com The OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL Jimmy Hill's Sonichu Site!]
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Hill, Jimmy}}
[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

PSN blogs

2012-04-08T17:47:33Z

Ferret: /* 4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!! */

{{quote|
If only I could understand Japanese.
|The closest Chris gets to weeaboo territory}}

The '''[[PSN Blogs]]''' are [[Chris|Chris's]] blog posts and his responses to other people's blog posts on the [[PSN]] website from October [[2006]] to December [[2008]]. The posts to read are those concerning [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] in [[July 2007|July]] and [[August 2007]], an example of Chris feeding his own ego and blowing up in a place on the internet with no [[trolls]], where people were actually being nice to him to get him to calm down. His other posts are normal by comparison. As shown in the 14 December entry, Chris [[Chris and English|can't spell]] the name of even his own [[PS3|favorite console]].

GAP stands for Gamer Advisory Panel.

==Personal Information==

{{quotebox|Bio:

I am [[Naive|young at heart]], because I enjoy the seemingly child-like things I do like playing with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Yu-Gi-Oh]], [[Pokemon]], [[Legos]], [[My Little Pony]], and drawing cartoonishly. I am also creator of my Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, [[Sonichu]]. I have been drawing and writing comic books, and I've drawn/written quite a few issues so far. I have graduated from [[Manchester High School]] on the [[Honor Roll]], and I have graduated from [[Piedmont Valley Community College|PVCC]] with two [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] Degrees [[May 2006|May, 2006]]. I am shy, but I would really enjoy the company of a pretty girl who likes some of the things I do, with a few opposite traits (excluding [[tobacky|smokers]] and [[alcohol|drunks]]). I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't like to be alone. I really would prefer Person-to-person encounters/chats instead of over the internet, but please feel free to send me a message or comments.
}}

==17 [[October 2006]] 20:21 — Re: Gamer's Day - What Do YOU Want To Know?==

''Backwards Compatibility'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|THE pressing Question on mine and a bunch of other people's minds; Is the PS3 Backwards-Compatable with PS1 and PS2 games?
}}

==17 [[October 2006]] 21:54 — Re: Gap kit/ PSP camera?==

''PSP's Camera is the New EyeToy'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
Or, so I've heard; there's supposedly a PSP version of EyeToy Play (as compared to the original PS2 game).
}}

==29 [[March 2007]] 21:57 — A Few Playstation 3 Thoughts.==

''A Few Playstation 3 Thoughts.'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|I've owned my PS3 for a few weeks now, and I've been Broadbanded for a few days now; I have some thoughts I'd like to share.

First, the [[Guitar Hero]] gameplay... okay, I have a couple of PS2 to PS3 Controller Coverters. I used one to try to play Guitar Hero with my custom painted Guitar controller. [[Fail|Failure followed.]] Sure, it doesn't have a "PS" button like a Sixaxis controller, nor am I able to assign a controller port to it.

But here's the Idea For SONY; a Playstation 3 Upgrade where from a PS2 Controller (regular or Guitar), LET pressing Select & Start in unison and holding them for 5 Seconds result in what the "PS" button does for the Sixaxis; bringing up the Assignment/Quit Menu.

Another thing I'd like to mention is being able to search for fellow PS3 owners to add to my Friends list. In observation, it appears that to find the friends to add, you have to go online with an online-capable game. Which I understand the upcoming "Home" program will allow for, but similar to a universal Chat Room, an easier method to finding new friends.

Also, talk about the upcoming 80GB system; Sony can sell the new systems. But I would suggest selling the 80GB HDDs individually for those of us current owners of a 60GB (me) or a 20GB. And in that case, there should be an upgrade where our downloaded games and matching data that we get from the Playstation Store can be copied and transferred to the new HDD on a memory stick or something.

Also, I would like to mention the LIMITED typing space for typing an E-Mail from, for example, one's AOL account; I'm typing an E-Mail to a friend of mine, and at the middle of the message... I am interruped with inablity to type anymore. Apparently the limit is the limit of the Typing Space View; fill the block, and that's it. Even when I opened an E-Mail, I was unable to scroll down in the message.

But aside from the quirks and setbacks, I am enjoying the games, downloaded movies, game demos, music, sharing my PSP's Memory Stick Pro Duo content with my PS3 and the Wi-Fi Internet Browsing and shopping at the PSStore.

Thank you.
Chris Chan. PS3 Online ID: Sonichu.
}}

==29 [[March 2007]] 21:29 — Re: 80 GB PS3==

''That's a good idea'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|But in addition to releasing a new PS3 system, they should offer the 80GB HDD by itself for those of us who have a 60 or 20GB system. It leaves a lot more room for downloads from the Playstation Store. :)
}}

==29 [[March 2007]] 21:36 — Re: Sony, Please choose GAP members to beta test Home==

''Yes, Let us Come Home'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|I am new to the Playstation 3 Network area, and I'd like to be able to find those other than myself who are on the PSNetwork without requiring an Online-Capable game (Although the games are totally awesome in their features and graphics).

Chris Chan
}}

==26 [[April 2007]] — Adult Swim... All kids out of the Playstation!==

''Adult Swim... All kids out of the Playstation!'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I am looking forward to the upcoming PS2 & PSP games from [[Adult Swim]] featuring the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] and [[Harvey Birdman]]. Although the gameplay may or may not be all that and "M" rated, playing as Shake or Birdman will be something totally different that I look forward to enjoying. I wish I could find a screenshot or two to tempt my pallet.
}}

==15 [[June 2007]] 02:47 — Go Puzzle Troubles!!!==

''Go Puzzle Troubles!!!'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I've just download Go Puzzle for my PS3, and on the ONLINE MULTIPLAYER function, while my opponent is able to play on their half, my game CURSOR is unable to move. No matter how much I press my D-Pad or push my Analog Stick, IT WILL NOT MOVE. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!! Also, in the "Lobby", when I am prompted to "X" the "Ready?" icon, I can't seem to be able to, no matter how much I press my "X" button.

WHAT IS THE DEAL?!!! WHY ME?!!!
}}

==15 [[June 2007]] 21:52 — Guitar Hero ROCKABLE on Playstation 3!==

''Guitar Hero ROCKABLE on Playstation 3!'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
After a bunch of months longing to play my Guitar on my PS3 (when I thought I couldn't). I have recently found the ANSWER and SOLUTION...

First, of course, get a PS2 to PS3 Controller Converter. Attach PS2 Guitar to Converter. Insert Guitar Hero 1 or 2, then select the PS2 Disc icon from the XMB with the Sixaxis or Bluetooth remote. JUST AS the screen goes blank, INSERT the Guitar-attached converter into a PS3 USB slot. Then notice the Sixaxis controller detaches itself from the PS3...
DO NOT PRESS THE "PS" BUTTON AT ALL (until you're done playing).

With the Sixaxis unfound wirelessly, the Guitar IS PICKED UP by the PS3 as the DEFAULT controller 1 (if there is a second guitar attached THIS SAME WAY, it will likely get noticed as well).

ROCK ON, ROCKER!

When you're ready to quit the game, DISCONNECT THE GUITAR FIRST, then press the "PS" button on the Sixaxis controller and "Quit Game".

Upon the first Sixaxis Disconnection timing, it may be possible to attach a Dance Pad (Dance Dance Revolution) or Taiko Drum (Taiko Drum Master).

Spread The Word: THE TRULY ROCKIN' PS2 GAMES ARE SOLID-PLAYABLE ON THE PLAYSTATION 3.
}}

==23 [[July 2007]] — PaRappin' For A Vote==

''PaRappin' For A Vote'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
My PaRappa the Rapper Video is Among the Top 10 in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]]. It is the Lucky 7th Video with the [[Gitar of Fail|BLUE GUITAR]].

A Vote for my video would be most appreciated, but I'd also like to know how those of you who have viewed it and/or voted for it felt about it.

Thank you for your support for a better future for this AUTISTIC LIFE. :)
}}

''...'' by Elsa43 (GAP Moderator)

{{quotebox2|
I haven't checked out the videos yet... but I will (though I'm not sure if they allow Canadians to vote... I'll have to check that out and see too!) :)
}}

==31 [[July 2007]] 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!==

''Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!'' by Sonichu

''Editor's note: Added [[YouTube]] links to the videos in Chris's review.''

{{quotebox|1=
This IS the last DAY to vote on who will go to Seattle for the Penny Arcade Expo. I would like to take this moment to reflect on the TOP 10.

Number 1:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEmM4JKZK8I CWCSonichu]; **Video LUCKY 7**: Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing Guitar Hero on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave AUTISTIC warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)

Number 2:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA84b9eCyZA adamstackhouse]; Video1: It's okay, if you like someone making the music in the background. It took away pops from the rappin of the two cooks. And adding seafood like in the song to the cake... are you kidding? They should have done it without the noise; it's in da rules. A petite comical moment comes around with an empty plate for no sample and turning off the TV after "thinking about it". I give it 4/5 Stars for moderate effort.

Number 3:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE suryabuchwald]; Video10: The introductory animation is totally uncalled for, and the sharp fangs poping out take away from the potential cuteness. The dude showing off his PS2 controller and using it in time to the background "bum bum" that sounds more like the Super Mario Bros. theme is somewhat clever. But it wasn't all that swift. And purposly rapidly tapping buttons for multi punch, chop, kick, etc. Again, another rule-breaking of music in place of a-capella. And his grin is stupid and ugly. But for the cleverly creative effort, I give it 4/5 Stars.

Number 4:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eawQ2W1jfho Billjones]; Video4: I liked his multi-use of different vehicles; functional and otherwise. The antlers are uncalled for though; too silly. And adding a boombox like as if his a-capella song is being played from it adds a fun boost to the video. His cat was cute with the headphones on him. For his video, I give him 4/5 Stars.

Number 5:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qimacxayOY DSiferd]; Video8: It has good use of being inside a car, but is that an airbag or a pillow? And what is up with the wierd dude with the leaves on his head; and the drills serves no purpose. To better his video, I would suggest keeping all the shots within in his car; not switching it from his living room. But he gave good effort in rappin' a-capella. I give this video 3.5/5 Stars.

Number 6:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMvWWpLsaAc aprelewsky]; Video3: It was cute using the "Guarenteed to Catch Her Heart" screen from the game to introduce the video. But once again, there is someone in the background giving music to this should-be a-capella performance. The two gentlemen, from the way they interact, they remind me of George and Lenny from "Of Mice & Men". Overall, I give this video 3.5/5 Stars.

Number 7:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkwA5qWTc-U ajbrewer]; Video2: Unlike the Topping Lucky 7 Video of CWCSonichu; this one is dropped to this low position for the guy's show-offmanship. Who does he think he is with his sunglasses and hood, Snoop Dog or Elvis? He portrayed a depressed single man living in a one-person apartment. I pity the fool for his show-off act, but I commend him for his effort in his a-capella performance. I give him 3/5 Stars.

Number 8:
From scottteichmer; Video9: I felt his camera was too close in his face for him to be higher in the ranks. Although I liked the humor in the use of his monkey doll, and I commend him for his a-capella performance. The downfall, of course, was being too close to his face. I give him 3/5 Stars.

Number 9:
From [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhD7jqU9oCU chrisadams]; Video6: The downfall of this young man's performance is the static from his singing and breathing; it made me want to turn away, because it was too loud and annoying. But he did what he could; he had his cheat-sheet in his hand and he gave an a-capella performance. I give him 2.5 Stars.

Number 10:
From brudell; Video5: Don't correct me; these dudes had energy and rubber ducks. The only thing that puts him at the bottom was the rediculous way he was dressed up, his hairdo, and the guy was obviously...the opposite of Straight. ):( This is the worst of the bunch. I give him 1 Star for his effort, but that's all.

If the clock hasn't struck Midnight on this July 31, 2007, you can still place your VOTE for any one of the ten. But I HIGHLY reccommend giving it up for the Autistic warrior who gave his effort to get closer to his girlfriend, so he can have a better future for her and himself...

<nowiki>**</nowiki>LUCKY VIDEO NUMBER 7; CWCSonichu**

Thank you for reading this review, and happy voting. :)
}}

==31 [[July 2007]] 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!==

''PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
This IS the last DAY to vote on who will go to Seattle for the Penny Arcade Expo. I would like to take this moment to reflect on the TOP 10.

Number 1:
From CWCSonichu; **Video LUCKY 7**: Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing Guitar Hero on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave AUTISTIC warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)

Number 2:
From adamstackhouse; Video1: It's okay, if you like someone making the music in the background. It took away pops from the rappin of the two cooks. And adding seafood like in the song to the cake... are you kidding? They should have done it without the noise; it's in da rules. A petite comical moment comes around with an empty plate for no sample and turning off the TV after "thinking about it". I give it 4/5 Stars for moderate effort.

Number 3:
From suryabuchwald; Video10: The introductory animation is totally uncalled for, and the sharp fangs poping out take away from the potential cuteness. The dude showing off his PS2 controller and using it in time to the background "bum bum" that sounds more like the Super Mario Bros. theme is somewhat clever. But it wasn't all that swift. And purposly rapidly tapping buttons for multi punch, chop, kick, etc. Again, another rule-breaking of music in place of a-capella. And his grin is stupid and ugly. But for the cleverly creative effort, I give it 4/5 Stars.

Number 4:
From Billjones; Video4: I liked his multi-use of different vehicles; functional and otherwise. The antlers are uncalled for though; too silly. And adding a boombox like as if his a-capella song is being played from it adds a fun boost to the video. His cat was cute with the headphones on him. For his video, I give him 4/5 Stars.

Number 5:
From DSiferd; Video8: It has good use of being inside a car, but is that an airbag or a pillow? And what is up with the wierd dude with the leaves on his head; and the drills serves no purpose. To better his video, I would suggest keeping all the shots within in his car; not switching it from his living room. But he gave good effort in rappin' a-capella. I give this video 3.5/5 Stars.

Number 6:
From aprelewsky; Video3: It was cute using the "Guarenteed to Catch Her Heart" screen from the game to introduce the video. But once again, there is someone in the background giving music to this should-be a-capella performance. The two gentlemen, from the way they interact, they remind me of George and Lenny from "Of Mice & Men". Overall, I give this video 3.5/5 Stars.

Number 7:
From ajbrewer; Video2: Unlike the Topping Lucky 7 Video of CWCSonichu; this one is dropped to this low position for the guy's show-offmanship. Who does he think he is with his sunglasses and hood, Snoop Dog or Elvis? He portrayed a depressed single man living in a one-person apartment. I pity the fool for his show-off act, but I commend him for his effort in his a-capella performance. I give him 3/5 Stars.

Number 8:
From scottteichmer; Video9: I felt his camera was too close in his face for him to be higher in the ranks. Although I liked the humor in the use of his monkey doll, and I commend him for his a-capella performance. The downfall, of course, was being too close to his face. I give him 3/5 Stars.

Number 9:
From chrisadams; Video6: The downfall of this young man's performance is the static from his singing and breathing; it made me want to turn away, because it was too loud and annoying. But he did what he could; he had his cheat-sheet in his hand and he gave an a-capella performance. I give him 2.5 Stars.

Number 10:
From brudell; Video5: Don't correct me; these dudes had energy and rubber ducks. The only thing that puts him at the bottom was the rediculous way he was dressed up, his hairdo, and the guy was obviously...the opposite of Straight. ):( This is the worst of the bunch. I give him 1 Star for his effort, but that's all.

If the clock hasn't struck Midnight on this July 31, 2007, you can still place your VOTE for any one of the ten. But I HIGHLY reccommend giving it up for the Autistic warrior who gave his effort to get closer to his girlfriend, so he can have a better future for her and himself...

<nowiki>**</nowiki>LUCKY VIDEO NUMBER 7; CWCSonichu**

Thank you for reading this review, and happy voting. :)
}}

==31 [[July 2007]] 20:23 — I'm nervously anxious.==

''I'm nervously anxious.'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
The Polls are closed, and I am anxious to find out if I am **Number 1** of the Rappas or not. I REALLY want that trip to Seattle, so I can be with my sweet Megan longer than usual and have fun together. I Luv her so much.

I wish they would have at least left a link for the rules, so I could check the details for comfort. And I wanted to check which PSP (Core, Entertainment, Giga, etc.) is in the grand prize.
}}

''Contest'' by rapt00r

{{quotebox2|
Best of luck!
}}

==1 [[August 2007]] 15:17 — Re: Guitar Hero II on PS3!!!==

''I can help'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
Chris Chan

I have been having fun on my own with Guitar Hero 1 and 2 (Encore soon) on my Playstation 3; the ONLY thing that is reversed is the Strum Bar... When it's strummed UP, it is read as DOWN and vice-versa, and for some reason, it doesn't seem to recognize my Whammy Bar for some reason.

I see is as no big deal during the songplay, but when I'm going up and down the menu, I have to remember the bar is reversed.

REMEMBER to NOT press the PS button after the Sixaxis disconnects itself from the system as the game loads. And be sure to hook the converted guitar AFTER selceting the game disc from the XMB; otherwise it will swerve all the way to the far left of the XMB.

Rock ON!
}}

==1 [[August 2007]] 15:21 — Bladestorm Japan Demo==

''Bladestorm Japan Demo'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I have just downloaded the demo from the Japan Store. Can anyone describe the control functions to me? If only I could understand Japanese.
}}

==4 [[August 2007]] — Adam Stackhouse!!!==

''Adam Stackhouse!!!'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
This is directed mostly to Adam Stackhouse; the S.O.B. who was the Alphabetically First Video in the PaRappa Contest and got WRONGFULLY the big prize. This JERK's Video WAS AGAINST The NO MUSIC RULE!!!! His, Suryabuchwald and Aprelewsky's VIDEO ALL SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED because they ALL HAD MUSIC!!!!

In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those JERKS in 2nd and 3rd.

I don't have much going on for me really, because I have been the dog in America's favorite game, "[[KICK THE AUTISTIC]]" for my whole life.

I curse those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to DIE and BURN!

As for Adam, if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you Dream Smashing Son of a B****!
}}

''.'' by TonicBH

{{quotebox2|
Sweet jesus mercy criminy, once is enough!

And man. Calling somebody out like that is so not cool. It might help for you to read the site guidelines, hopefully realize your mistake and promptly delete these.
}}

''Whoa!'' by SolidusPrime

{{quotebox2|
If I were you I'd listen to Tonic. This is one post that can easily get you in hot water here!
}}

''Excuse Me'' by Yukino

{{quotebox2|
Sonichu, can you please remove this blog and the other 3 blogs which you posted about this topic? These are extremely pointless posts, and even if you were to keep a cleaned up version of one around, you still only need one blog.

Thank you,
Yukino - GAP Moderator
}}

''Indeed..'' by Defions

{{quotebox2|
As for the winner, I believe the "music" they were using was probably allowed because it sounded more like both of them beat-boxing in the background, not neccesarily music, but I'm not the judge in the contest.

Don't worry, there are plenty more contests coming up, I'm sorry to hear you didn't win, just keep trying.
}}

''Easy Now...'' by pixelsword

{{quotebox2|
The king of Israel answered, "Tell him: 'One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off.' "

-I Kings 20:11

...Rules I guess were loosely appplied? Anyways, I'd Erase this and just be the bigger man: You'll have another chance and there are other contests. How many contests would you win if you're kicked out of the GAP?
}}

''Dude Chill Out'' by Neo Bahamut Knight

{{quotebox2|
For one this blog is pointless and could get you banned.

Two: If you feel you have a valid complaint I would write those in charge of the contest and demand an appeal or at least a ruling to the validity of the win. Ask them why their video was an acception.

All you are doing is venting and slandering to ppl that you are mad at. If you are in the right then fight back the right way. Not like this. This way is totally pointless.
}}

''I am sure there will be'' by DESTROYER41139

{{quotebox2|
I am sure there will be many more chances to win trips or other prize.No need to call someone out by name and cuss them that is pretty immature of you. Sony must not have thought it was against the rules because they allowed it.
}}

''I Thought It Was Good.'' by Kream85

{{quotebox2|
I really thought it was the best there, you shouldnt attack them.

Its Catchy.
}}

''SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I HAVE DONE MY HOMEWORK, AND THE PLAYSTATION PEOPLE KNOW OF THEIR ERRORS.

JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED, OR I AM NOT AUTISTIC.
}}

''...'' by no_i_am_chuck

{{quotebox2|
''I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN.''

You needn't have written that...it isn't hard to tell from your post.
}}

''. . .'' by bobdblob

{{quotebox2|
Ummm. I'm speechless. All I can say is that this really dosn't belong here.
}}

''OK...'' by no_i_am_chuck

{{quotebox2|
Leave Sonichu alone now.

His time is measured.
}}

''NIAC is correct'' by jonson

{{quotebox2|
Sonichu is on a time out, his other posts are deleted, and we're done here.

'''GAP Admin'''
}}

==4 [[September 2007]] — I've been having trouble connecting to the PSN since I upgraded to 1.92==

''I've been having trouble connecting to the PSN since I upgraded to 1.92'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I've been having trouble connecting to the PSN since I upgraded to 1.92.

On the Internet Connection Test, it WAS able to obtain the IP Address and connect to the internet, but it has failed to connect to the Playstation Network.

Has anyone else had this problem since upgrading to the 1.92 software?

Also, what is the official reading of features for 1.92?

Please reply with comments. Thank You.
}}

==5 [[September 2007]] — Re: PSN log in troubles==

''I have since I've installed the 1.92 Update'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I have been having this problem since I've installed the 1.92 Update. I've tried rebooting my PS3 many times, and I still have the problem. The distance from the router does not matter, I can tell you that.

It's either some PSN maintanence, or there was a humongous Glitch in the 1.92. It really Grinds My Gears.

Chris Chan
}}

==12 [[September 2007]] — PSP Update 3.7==

''PSP Update 3.7'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
Under careful consideration after research on 3.7, I did download it (25MB space required) and install it onto my PSP.

-It features the Music/Photo at same time feature (like the PS3).
-The awesome ability to select a 60-second chapter increment of a saved Movie file.
-And the button assignment for Remote Play makes it easier to play the Doko Demo Issyo Mainichi Issyo game, as well as zooming in or out while browsing the internet.

The PSP Spot Icon under the Internet icon; I consider that a Bonus Short-Cut to the Japan PSP Browser.

While currently, after the update, it has become unable to establish a connection to check for the update (likely because of having just updated), when Sony of America adds a newer update BEYOND 3.7, and if I am unable to locate it through "Network Update" search, I can still download it from the official US website through my PC.

Gotta keep the American Sony People on their toes when word gets out about the Next Update, that they give it a NUMBER 3.71 or HIGHER.

In a nutshell, I personally reccomend updating to 3.7 now, if applicable.
}}

==12 [[September 2007]] — Re: Finally Spurged...Need Everyone's Help!!!==

''I was a Newbie just Last Sept. 4.'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I had just bought the game myself after downloading the 1.92 update; needless to say, I was unable to go online for a while. Delayed WarHawking.

But to get my feet wet, I did not select "ONLINE", instead I selected the second option, where it would play with closeby PS3s. It allowed me to walk about, drive a jeep, tank, fly a jet or whatever without the stressful shooting gallery.

I highly reccommend just getting your feet wet before fighting online via wi-fi; select the closeby PS3 option.

Have fun, fellow beginner. :)

Chris Chan
}}

==27 [[September 2007]] 20:42 — Quick Question...==

''Quick Question...'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
Has anyone tried hooking a wired 360 controller into a PS3 USB port and seeing if it would function like a normal controller?
}}

==27 [[September 2007]] 20:46 — Re: Yeah I'm Sick of this, anyone want to buy my Warhawk?==

''Yeah I'm Sick of this, anyone want to buy my Warhawk?'' by templar_syd

{{quotebox2|
Ok, the guy keeps killing me with like nothing, he respawned at the same place even when it was my teams base, 4 knife 2 grenades head on would not kill him.....I'm sooo fricking sick of this horses***, Today seems even worse than most days. My team was like nothing but 5 year olds and the same like 5 people from the other team were near impossible to kill even when using a knife 4-6 times on them, then rest of their team was like 1 hit from behind but not those 5. Warhawk needs an overhaul big time. I was sooo ticked that I wasted a perfectly good cherry jones soda against the door...but thats all cleaned up now.... unlike Suckhawk err, Warhawk
}}

''LOL NOOB. HAHAHA getting so'' by Phillip_Cat

{{quotebox2|
LOL NOOB.

HAHAHA getting so pissed over a game.

I hope you missed a piece of glass and you gash your foot open.

1 (800) LEARN-2-PLAY
}}

''reply'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
EDIT your language!
}}

==31 [[October 2007]] — Where is the Behind the Scenes Video==

''Where is the Behind the Scenes Video'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I just got my copy of [[God of War]] Chains of Olympus yesterday. I've completed the Attica Level successfully. The package of the demo disc said that it had the "Bringing an Epic to PSP" video in the demo. I have found the Walkthrough, but not the Bringing an Epic video. Where is it on that demo?

Chris Chan
}}

==9 [[August 2008]] — Playstation EyeCreate REQUIRED OPTION==

''Playstation EyeCreate REQUIRED OPTION'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I would really like the ability to import photo, audio and video files already saved on my PS3's HDD, accessable on the XMB, so I can actually have them available to add into a movie in progress.
}}

==14 [[December 2008]] — Re: **Playstatoin Home Suggestions**==

''The Hand-Held Device'' by Sonichu

{{quotebox|
I had the Closed Beta for Home in my Japan Account; although it was in Japanese. Anyway, I LOVED the in-Home PSP for the hand-held device.

What we have NOW in the Open Home is, IMHO, a stupid-looking IDK-what-the-heck-it-is device.

Please Bring Back the In-Home PSP.

Chris Chan
}}
==External links==
*<s>[http://gap.us.playstation.com/?q=blog/68100 Chris's GAP blog]</s> DELETED
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Mimms and Lucas Q&A

2012-04-08T17:41:55Z

Ferret: /* Chris's ban from the store */

The '''Mimms and Lucas Q&A''' was a series of questions and answers on the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] message board with [[Daniel Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] regarding their experience with Chris, initiated by [[CWCki]] admin and PVCC user [[User:Champthom|champthom]].

Mimms and Lucas's answers (Mimms's in pink and Lucas's in green) provide insight into Chris's past, particularly at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and the extent of his involvement with the Pokémon League. Despite Chris's claim of being a gym leader at the Pokémon League, Mimms and Lucas assert that he only filled in once. Furthermore, Chris disliked playing with black children and would frequently lose and have tantrums.

==Initial post==
Champthom contacted Mimms via [[Facebook]] asking three things:
:# What Chris was like at The GAMe PLACe, and if he knew the grounds of why Chris was really banned,
:# If he could tell us anything about Megan
:# If he tried to play his homemade cards.

The answers were shocking:

{{quoteboxred|...Anywho, heres some fun stuff you may not have know about CWC. The reason he got banned from the game place is in part due to his blatant [[racism]]. Also, because he would frequently blow up when losing to small children, he had scared off some good business, so Mike really wanted him gone. Lets not discount the fact the His parents threatened to take me to court. Also, There were some [[Niggos|black kids]], age 12-15, who would frequent the [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yugi-oh]] sessions (actually good kids) who he kind of picked on because he always acted like they wanted to steal from him. No one wants to be discriminated against, so there was a bit of animosity between Chrissy and the group of black kids. His final banning is due largely to the fact that he got in a [[Chris and anger|scream contest]] with one of the kids and of course the "adult" should be responsible, but not Chris. Essentially Mike was looking for any reason to ban him at this point and this was good enough, because he was tired of having long time patrons harassed by this retard. He was asked to leave and to not come back Mike, so Chris calls his parents. Mike Calls the [[jerkops|cops]]. The result was hilarious. watching his [[Barbara|fossilized mother]] get put in her place by a jerkop was pretty fulfilling.
(sorry if that was long winded)

Other fun stuff... He had about a [[Wall of Originals|20 different custom cards]], but never played any of them. He was very rarely left in charge of the Pokemon league because he had such a short temper and hated dealing with all the little kids' wins and losses, so I real adult needed to be present. [[Megan]] would usually stand/hide behind me and Lucas to avoid him, especially after the [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|drawings]] of her got leaked. I'd prefer to leave her out of this to be honest, as it was a traumatizing experience for her. She and I are still friends for the record. Chris would rarely ever shake anyones hand after a game, and when he did, he quickly followed up with hand sanitizer. I received a My little pony for Xmas one year from him, cuz I treated him like a person for the longest time. If you care to look it up, I got Mimbo-boboruto. It had a green pompom 'fro, because I had a green 'fro (no joke). It should also be know that he played the game Universal Fighting System (UFS) wherein you can play as nearly any fighting game character. He always picked a steriotypical bimbo as his character, usually Cassandra and sometimes [[CWC Fighter|Chun-li]].}}

==Follow-up==
After the initial message and popularity on PVCC, four more questions were sent to Mimms:
{{quotebox|1) Did Chris lose a lot at [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] and/or [[Pokemon]]? I and someone else are curious at how good Chris was at [[TCGs]], like if he won a lot or if he frequently lost to 10 year olds.

2) Chris seems to cite this story about how he went behind the counter at [[the Game Place]] to get something, and they banned him for that. Obviously you cite a different story and I was wondering if there was any merit to Chris's story about going behind the counter that got him banned.

3) To what extent did Chris lead the Pokemon League? Your story about how he was rarely left in charge is particularly interesting, considering Chris says his "greatest contribution to society" was leading the Pokemon League and he equates his experience at The Game Place as the volunteer gym leader as actual work experience (yes, as in the kind he would put on a [[resume]] if he actually applied to a job) and as charitable volunteer work. He said his experience there helped him develop "leadership skills like Optimus Prime" (I shit you not, those are his words).

4) What's this about an interrogation? [he offered to tell me about the interrogation he got when they found out about the infamous blurry picture]}}

{{quoteboxred|1) Chris was pretty awful at all the games he played. he had rediculous themed decks that never worked in pokemon and he never used any trategy at all in [[yugi-oh]]. He only won 1 tournement of yugi-oh durring a regional event when most of our good players were gone. There must have been about 6 people including Chris and myself at the tourney and when he won he was jumping up and down a yelling "I'm the level up king!" Since that was the theme of his deck. Other than that he would lose to small children and rarely made it past the first round in organized events.

2/3) He wasnt actually a gym leader for Pokemon league, but on a few occasions the regular gym leader couldnt be there, he happily volunteered to sub in because he never missed a Friday session of Pokemon anyway. After a few reports of him raising his voice to impatient children it was clear that something had to be done about him. One day when he was taking the place of gym leader, he went to the back room to get the box of prize support and badges and whatnot without permission. Since he is neither an employee or a gym leader, Mike decided to use it as an excuse to ban him for one month. That was his first ban. The other ban story I told was the second and permanent ban.

4) The interrogation came a week after I took the famed blurry picture. Keep in mind that Chris still liked me at this point and that he is very very gullible. I come and sit down like any other friday, start chatting and playing a round of Pokemon with Lucas and some other players and these two old people walk up and ask if they can talk to me. The conversation starts kind of slow talking about Chris disability and how they struggled as parents and seem rather bitter that their son is far from normal. They then ask if I took the dreaded picture. I say yes and then play dumb as far as how it got on the internet. They then threaten to take me to court for misusing his likeness with out his consent. At first I was really shaken by this, but then I realized they were full of shit and couldn't actually do anything of consequence to me. So then I put on the smug bastard face and ask them if they're done and if I can go back to my game. Later, [[Mike]] tell Chris if his parents ever do anything like that again, he'll call the cops (cuz Mike has my back). This is also a big push to Chris down his slippery slope to being banned, probably the biggest one, in fact. anyway, thats the basic gist of the interrogation.}}

==Q&A==
Mimms was asked to join the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], along with Lucas and they were flattered by the invitation.

{{quoteboxgreen|So uh, what's up guys. Name's Lucas. Mimms has been filling me in on the events of his FACEBOOK discovery so since he decided to reveal himself I decided to pop in here and check things out.

I'm better at typing than he is so feel free to ask me anything}}

{{quoteboxred|So, I decided to join this board to answer all of your questions, or at least as many as I can.

I am the Mimms, fire away with any questions you may have.}}

===Chris as a customer===
{{quotebox|Did Chris spend a lot of his money at the game place? As in, enough to make it obvious that he was wasting his [[tugboat]] on cards?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|of course}}

{{quotebox|What did (if anything) Chris do aside from play cards and hit on Megan on a regular basis?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|donged around on his [[PSP of Fail|psp]]}}

{{quotebox|Did you guys only see him on Fridays at the Game Place, or did he come around more often, to like look at comics and such?}}

{{quoteboxred|Pretty much just card playing events, but for a while that was fri-sun for pokemon, yugioh and UFS respectively.}}

{{quotebox|How long was he there on Fridays? Would he hang around later than everyone else to "be cool" and "hang out" with everyone, and stalk Megan?}}

{{quoteboxred|He was never a minute late to pokemon as far as I know, in fact he was usually about 15 minutes early. The only time I can remember him missing a friday session was when he went on a vacation for a week. Megan's brother isnt autistic, but he is kinda dumb. jus' sayin'}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris ever scare off customers at the Game Place?}}

{{quoteboxred|Yes, mostly small kids because parents didn't feel like their kids were in a safe enough environment with the belligerent man-child around.}}

===Tabletop games===
{{quotebox|What kind of Pokemon deck did he play? I'm guessing grass/electric.

Also, does his greasy skin glisten in the sun?

And finally, do you have any fond memories of your time with him? Somethign that might help humanize him a little?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|He played a bunch of decks. Like, he had a huge plastic deck container thing what was also [[Lego]]'d up. Last time I ever played him he was using a pure Psychic deck (I think, match didn't last long enough for me to see much, thank god). He also sung along to [[Britney Spears]] the entire time we were playing. O_o

Fond memories...one time he brought his [[Wii]] in and everyone played [[Wikipedia:Super Smash Bros. Brawl|Brawl]] for a while, that was fun I guess.}}

{{quotebox|What exactly does a Pokemon gym leader do? How do they get the position, what responsibilities does it entail, and so on. I played the video games all the time back in the day, but the only CCG I've ever played is Magic. Was the idea of a gym leader something that the Game Place came up with independently, or was it common to lots of card/gaming stores?

Were you two trying to avoid keeping track of the Chris-chan [[saga]], or have you been following it closely all this time?}}

{{quoteboxred|Pokemon gym leaders are usually adults who want to be active with their kids who are into the game. I think they are asked to do it by the store staff, but I do know it is a voluntary. Their duties are fairly simple and include: keeping track of points on a score sheet in order to win promo cards and badges (wins are 2 points, loses are 1), giving out promos and keeping things from getting too chaotic (rarely a problem). To be honest, I'm not 100% sure how common gym leaders were, but I'd guess they're standard in any pokemon league.

Also, Lucas and I have followed this shit strom every step of the way, just curious to see what the hell we would do next.}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris ever end up crying after he had lost a game?}}

{{quoteboxred|yes I made him cry once. It was so awesome!

short story: I one turn killed him in yugioh.

Long story: I was playing an [[Wikipedia:List_of_Yu-Gi-Oh!_cards#Exodia|exodia deck]]. Get all 5 pieces, win the game. I have an infinite loop combo in my deck that allows me to draw the whole deck which includes exodia for a game win. 2 Manticore of Darkness and card of safe return. When manticore goes to the grave you can bring it back by ditching a card of the same type, like another manticore. Card of safe return says, whenever you special summon from the grave, draw a card. Really easy combo, great for making autistic people cry. good times.}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris have any interest in RPG's or Table Top games like [[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Dragons|Dungeons and Dragons]] or [[Wikipedia:Call of Cthulhu (role-playing game)|Call of Cthullu]] or was it pretty much limited to Yugioh and pokemon?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Game Place didn't have any organized D and D so I wouldn't know if he was ever into it.}}

{{quoteboxred|someone mentioned a Virgin rage card in the first Mimms Board: Yeh, that totally exists among many others.}}

===Video games===
{{quotebox|Have either of you played him in [[Guitar Hero]]? If so did he win?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Nope, never have. Although one time I had my [[HEXBox|360]] and rockband shit with me because all the bros were gonna chill afterwards, and he huddled up to us to inquire about it. Then he started huffing and puffing and raging because [[Hex Bawx|HEXBOX]]}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris used to rant on and on about his hatred of Xbox? Did he ever explain why he hated it so much? Did anyone ever tell him to shut the fuck up about it?}}

{{quoteboxred|It's like /v/ but IRL}}

{{quotebox|how was he when he brought his Wii over and played Brawl?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|He wasn't too great at the game. He also only played [[Sonic]], Link, and Pokemon Trainer.}}

===Chris's behavior===
{{quotebox|Since he came in an [[Chris and cosplaying|Ash Ketchum]] getup, did he also act the part as well? You know like being in character?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|This question reminds me that at one point he had one of those fucking Yu Gi Oh arm things.

To answer your question, I don't recall him acting in character. The Ash getup was years ago though.}}

{{quotebox|Did you guys ever see Chris outside of the Game Place, like [[McDonalds]], movie theatre [[Target]], the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]], [[church]], anywhere?
-any stories of note, if you answer yes?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|I think the only time I've encountered Chris outside of the Game Place was at the Brawl release tourney and you guys already know about the funny story from that event. He was generally being weird and I remember some of the other guys at the event were kind of like "Jeez what's up with that guy"

I'm pretty sure he also yelled at someone for bumping into him or something.}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris ever bring his legendary "[[attraction sign]]" and what are your personal opinions on how pathetic it is?

2. How bad did he smell?

3. Did he always wear the same shirt every week? What was his [[Chris and fashion|clothing style]]?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|1. Nope. Pretty fucking pathetic. I've known a couple other autistic kids really into [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] (Seriously what the hell is it with Sonic and [[Autism]]) and none of them were even close to pulling something as retarded as that. I can't even comprehend it really.

2. I didn't really smell anything when I was around him.

3. Not the SAME SHIRT but his wardrobe pretty much consists of similar shitty goodwill shirts. As you can see in the picture he switched to that purple/green one. Usually he had red. Also, for a while after the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Parappa contest]] he wore a [[PaRappa the Rapper|Parappa]] skullcap that he won for a few weeks.}}

{{quoteboxred|1. I've never seen it, but it is pathetic as shit. Which reminds me of another something else he did. Appearently during his mall stalking days he had a paper heart on a strong that he would throw in the direction of women he fancied. It was rather disturbing and annoyed a lot of patrons, so he is also banned from the local mall. (he also stalked some chick who worked there, which was the final straw).

2.I didnt think it was anything out of the ordinary to be honest. Although I wanted to know either...

3. A long time ago, when he was less fat, he had an Ash Ketchem get up that he wore every week. Hat, gloves, vest, pokeballs, you name it. More recently he just wears the same few stripy shrits and the Hardees jacket.}}

{{quotebox|-Did Christian ever [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|soil himself]] in your store? If so, how did he react?

-How did the kids react to him? Were they scared, or did they antagonize him further for fun? Were there any particularly funny moments like this?}}

{{quoteboxred|I really dont think he shat himself and the Until its most recent move, The Game Place hasnt had a public bathroom.}}{{quoteboxred|1. I have no idea, I hope he never did, and if he did I am glad i never knew about it.
2. From what I saw most of the age groups stuck together unless there was a BATTLE going on. Most of the time Chris kept to himself and his [[PSP]] or whatever unless he got involved in a match. Whenever an outburst happened things got quiet and everyone stared for a moment or so but then they all went back to whatever they were doing (used to it I guess) But none of the kids ever fucked with him so I guess they were all afraid of him

Also, most of the time parents just drop their kids off and fuck off somewhere. Or they would be off in a corner on a laptop or something but there hadn't been many outbursts in a while and I never saw a parent telling him off or anything.}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris ever befriend any of the little kids in a more then "Friendly" way?}}

{{quoteboxred|he's not a [[pedofork|pedophile]], but if you wanna accuse him of it, go for it. I'm sure someone will believe you.}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris often make lewd inappropriate comments to or about any other female customers?}}

{{quoteboxred|Not at the game place.}}

{{quotebox|Does he walk or does he waddle?}}

{{quoteboxred|kind of a waddle, mostly just an odd gait.}}

{{quotebox|Did you ever get to hear his infamous [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck voice]]?}}

{{quoteboxred|sadly yes, its awful and doesnt impress anyone.}}

{{quotebox|How often did he bring up his [[virgin]]ity?}}

{{quoteboxred|not often at all at the store. he's really got into the self loathing on [[Youtube]], but didnt bring it up much at the game place.}}

{{quotebox|Did Chris ever brag about [[Sonichu]] as if it were his best achievement or something worth telling others about? You know like to the kids and other patrons? If yes, did he also promise there would be Sonichu official cards one day or something stupid like that?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Well like I said earlier he printed out and put together a copy of the [[Sonichu 0|zero issue]] and ALWAYS had it on him. I mean he had it for years. YEARRRSSSSS. I remember when I first started playing back in middle school, and I never actually was curious enough to read it until sometime during high school. He also had business cards and whatnot that he would force on people. ALSO, just about everything he owned was covered in Sonichu crap. His PSP has a sonichu shell, you've all seen his [[Gitar of Fail|GH guitar]], etc etc.

We actually don't live in his area, [[Ruckersville]]. Thank [[god]].}}

{{quotebox|Wait, what? He had a paper heart he would throw at women?!}}

{{quoteboxgreen|He had a heart on a string that he would treat as a fishing pole of sorts. He'd toss it at a girl and REEL EM IN}}

===Chris and Megan===
{{quotebox|Did you ever witness him pulling any really creepy shit with Megan at the Game Place?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Ever more like every day.

He was constantly putting his arm around her and shit and it got to the point where she would take refuge in the midst of our group of [[JERKS|bros]].}}

{{quotebox|How does Megan feel about Chris after all this time? She's considered to be the root of a lot of Chris' current psychosis, so information on their relationship is really useful. Also, is she at all interested in being involved with Chris' current internet drama, or is she too scared by Chris' many attempts at [[rape]]?

Speaking of, how far did Chris go? We know from Megan's emails there was a lot of inappropriate touching.}}

{{quoteboxred|I haven't talked to Megan terribly recently (I don't really bother going to Pokemon when Mimms isn't around, and he's fucked off to out of town college) but the vast majority of our recent AIM conversations have been her asking me about what wacky shenanigans Chris had gotten himself into. Like has been established in those e-mails, she's cut off all ties to him and she finds most of the ED stuff kinda funny I guess. I think last time we talked was the subject of his [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|sex toy orders]] and she was pretty much LOL EW GROSS. Nothing terribly interesting.}}

{{quotebox|What was he like with Megan?}}

{{quoteboxred|For a long while, they were actually good friends. They would leave the main Pokemoning area to go discuss [[Sailor Moon]] and Nazis (No joke, Megan is into some odd stuff. Probably just a GI Joe offshoot.) But As time went on he got more annoying and then hideously awkward at which point she starting hanging with me and Lucas and avoided Chris altogether. It was quite a reversal, but a well deserved one. I dont think chirs has much [[Monthly tugboat|money]] of of his own for spending on other people, but I could be wrong.}}

{{quoteboxred|I helped Megan deal with Chris, so we decide that she just ought to forget about him and all the bullshit that happened, so we dont talk about him ever anymore.

He was always too uncomfortably close to Megan, but I dont think he ever forced him self on her to get a kiss or anything more than that, at least not in public. They were friends, thats all, but apparently he views any friendly relationship with a female as something more.

Megan is a very interesting person. Very shy and a social outcast to say the least, I guess she and chris have that in common. But whatever was between them is now 100% gone and she basically refuses to acknowledge his existance.}}

===Racism and homophobia===
{{quotebox|I'm also interested in Megan and/or anything else that hasn't been discussed to death. Especially discrimination. We all know Chris hates DEM [[HOMOS]].}}

{{quoteboxred|Usually he was pretty hostile to the [[Niggos|black kids]] at yugi-oh. It was total BS since they're all good kids. Sure we're had a few kids who come in once steam a card and never come back, but the regulars are all cool guys. He would always try to hide his stuff when they were near and never wanted to play a friendly game with them. I'm sure he used a few racial slurs, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|never nigger or anything]], but it was obvious he was a huge racist. [story] I remember one time he and this [[Jerkhief|huge black guy]] named TJ were arguing about something that Chris was wrong about (since TJ is one of the best players in town) and as it got more heated, they started yelling about how Chris would never get laid. Chris yells at him, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" and TJ stands up like hes going to beat his ass. Chris shrinks back and and says "I mean your face down monster..."

Moral of the story: Chris a bitch and he's awful at all card games. Also, he used to never curse.}}

{{quoteboxred|I Rage so hard whenever he opens his mouth about something thats anti-gay. Dont get me wrong, I'm not a fan gayness, I just think as people, they have a right to live and do as they please. They dont need some retarded fuck wad trying to make it more difficult to buy deodorant..... Which reminds me of a story.

So, one night at UFS, everyone is just sitting around playing cards and out of nowhere, Megan says "I hate [[Wikipedia:List of Tekken characters#Yoshimitsu|Yoshimistu]]. He such a retard and a fag." Then John, the tourny organizer, says, "I would thank you to never say that again..." Chris goes "Why? Are you an F.A.G.?" John lets out a sigh and facepalms. Chris then says, "Cuz, you know, Tito's a Homo." (Tito is the owner's son who works there) Tito cant find the words to rebut with and just stands up and walks away thinking to himself how Chris could possibly think he's a homo. (later, we find out that one day Mike was joking around with Tito and they exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, and from that tiny exchange, Chris extrapolated that they were gay.)}}

{{quotebox|Apparently there was a gay male who was friends with Megan at the Game Place that Chris yelled at; the poor guy was worried Chris [[Death threats|was gonna kill him]]. Were you there for that? Do you know what happened?}}

{{quoteboxred|Kinda. His name is Eric, and for the record he is also a furry. Eric kind of picked on Chris and sort of took his spot as substitute gym leader 1 or 2 times. That and the fact that he's gay are reason enough for Chris to act malicious toward him, although I doubt he was in any real danger.}}

===Trolling Chris at The GAMe PLACe===
Re. the infamous photograph:
{{quoteboxred|While I did take the famed picture, it was Lucas who posted it to [[4chan]] to share it with the world, so in actuality, he probably deserves most of the credit. I just happened to spend more with Chirs (lucky me).}}

{{quotebox|How did you take the photo? Camera phone? Is it blurry because you were shitting yourself that he'd see a flash or a camera and go batshit at you?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Digital Camera. I took a couple of pictures with my phone as well that are from further away but a lot less blurry. Dunno why that one is so blurry, I guess Mimms was trying to be quick and inconspicuous.}}

{{quotebox|[[Chris_E-mails_2008#March|Was it truly something you didn't know about be 4 about this Chan?]]}}

{{quoteboxred|The funniest part about that is that I have no recollection of him saying that to me whatsoever. I had no idea I was even a suspect until I saw that email.}}

{{quotebox|What was [[Bob Chandler]] like when they visited your shop? I'd imagine he didn't say too much during the incident but [[Barbara Chandler|Babs]] was being a real hardball at that time.}}

{{quoteboxred|Thats exactly right actually. He barely said anything, mostly tried to look intimidating I think, which he kind of pulled off. I'd hate to have his surly ass as a grandparent.}}

{{quoteboxred|I've never met anyone else IRL who made his life hell other than Lucas and Mike.}}

{{quoteboxred|I dont smoke, but Lucas does and we only drink on the occasional weekend.}}

{{quoteboxgreen|What do I think of the people following Chris? Hmmm, when I first saw the thread on /v/ I was just like HOLY SHIT. I never imagined it would explode the way it has. It's kind of a surreal feeling sometimes. Other times it's funny as shit. It's also really fascinating, especially how deep some people have investigated into his psyche.

I've never seen a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curseyehameha]]

From what I saw your assumption is pretty much right about how Megan interacted to Chris. She was nice to him and of course Chris is Chris so he construed it as something more. Mimms could probably answer the question better since he goes further back with them.}}

===Chris's ban from the store===
{{quotebox|Chris has being trying to be allowed back into the game place (by posting videos on youtube) does the store owner know or care for that matter?
Also did Chris always bring up he was a virgin also? Or his [[love quest]]...

Last one, can he or has ever being a fight? Sounds like he gets too scared.}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Yes, [[Michael Snyder|the manager]] is aware of Chris wanting to be let back in. In fact, Chris sent a letter to him a while before he made [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|the youtube video]]. He told us about it and we pretty much just laughed about it.

I can't recall Chris ever bringing up his [[Love Quest|LOVE QUEST]]. I'm sure he has at some point though so when Mimms comes back he might have a different answer.

Yeah he's never been in a fight as far as I know. At least not in the store or something like that. He's yelled at kids plenty of times though if that counts. I remember one time he yelled at some poor kid for taking a long time to make a move during a Pokemon game. He gets [[stress|really impatient]] during games and if you make a mistake or do something in the "wrong order" he gets upset.}}

{{quotebox|Would you know around when Chris started going to the Game Place? Or when you first saw him there?

And do you know round about when that first, one month, ban took place?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|I searched around some chatlogs and I think the first ban (Which was actually two weeks, not a month) Was April 4th last year.

As far as when Chris first started, we're talking years ago. I'm two years out of high school, and Mimms started going around the time I was in 4th grade (Long before I lived in VA). He said He thinks Chris started sometime after that. Probably a few months? A "season" of pokeymans league usually lasts a few months and Chris probably started around the 2nd season.

I first started playing around middle school some time. Maybe 7th grade. That's when I first saw Chris in his Ash getup. I remember being pretty weirded out by him but nothing terribly specific.

I just remembered a story but it's not terribly interesting. One time (this is back in the middle school era) I was chillin with Mimms and another bro during Pokemon (before I joined). I was just hanging out watching them play, and Chris asked me if I wanted a match. I told him I didn't have a deck or anything, but I knew how to play, and since I noticed his huge [[lego]] box of decks so I said if he let me use one of his decks I'd play with him. He pretty much snapped at me with a [video has been since deleted]}}

{{quotebox|Was Chris aware he wasn't welcome at the Game Place because of the way he acts?}}

{{quoteboxred|Probably, only he doesnt see what wrong with it. Mike and I have talked about the [[reality]] [[Barb#Pampering_of_Chris|that his parents have helped him fabricate]]. he thinks he can do anything and get away with it because he's different. The Idea of being able to do anything comes from the constant encouragement you have to give special needs kids (I know, I've helped out with a little league baseball team with disabilities.) and He's just taken it to a higher level.}}

{{quotebox|Can you shed more details between the confrontation between the Chandlers and the [[jerkops|cops]] in the shop?}}

{{quoteboxred|Basically, Mike asked him to leave and told him he couldnt come back and rather than just leaving he went outside and called his parents. Mike had already threatened to call the cops, so he did. Cops show up, make Chris and family look like idiots because they cant do anything. Its a private store and mike can ban who he wants. I didnt actually hear what was said, but I watched through a window, hence my story of tantruming Babs getting put in here place by glare from a cop.

On a side note, Mike doesnt own the game place, he's just the manager. The owner is a dick whose name escapes me cuz he's never there.}}

{{quotebox|Would Chris ever be let back into Game Place? Say, if someone else began running the store? Or if he were to clean up his act a little? (not likely, but yeah).}}

{{quoteboxgreen|No}}

{{quotebox|Did you actually see the video of his appology/beging to come back to the gameplace, like he assumes you did? Thoughts?}}

{{quoteboxred|yes I did. I actually commented on it. basically he has no shot at every getting back in, partially because he's not actually sorry but mostly because he'll scare off more customers and no one likes him anyway.}}

===Chris's history and personality===
{{quotebox|You wouldn't happen to know anything about Chris' brief employment at [[Wendy's|wendys]], would you?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|I had no idea Chris had a job, and it's actually pretty surprising to me, goddamn.}}

{{quotebox|All of us know Chris is a close weeaboo, but did he ever bring up [[anime]]s or anything like that while you were working there?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|I remember one time at a [[Wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS]] gathering (For anyone who doesn't know UFS is a game that features characters from [[Soul Calibur]], Street Fighter, and Darkstalkers), Chris started trying to impress Megan by talking about how he had downloaded the [[Wikipedia:Darkstalkers|Darkstalkers]] anime and put it on his PSP. She just kind of brushed him off.}}

{{quoteboxred|Yeh, back before things where hideously awkward between him and Megan, they talked about [[Sailor Moon]] a lot. Like daily, a lot. Other than that, he had some [[transformers]] he would bring in from time to time (if that counts). He would give them annoying voice and make them shoot at things until the staff asked that he not bring them anymore.

Also, there are no good kid V Chris stories I can think of that arent just nods to his screaming and short temper.}}

{{quotebox|Quick question, Chris blames ED for his current situation, and in his early birthday video he seems sort of normal and not overweight, depending on how long he went to the game place, when did he really lose it and when did he become a fat fuck. It was all pre-ED right? and did Chris himself ever mention the ED page?}}

{{quoteboxred|Chris has always been a fat fuck and I very much doubt he'll ever lose his virginity without paying for it morally and monetarily.

Chris have never gotten violent with anyone, because he knows he cant win and he is sure that a higher authority ([[jerkops|cops]]/ [[law|court]]) will punish you if you lay a hand on him.

Chris had a deck that used his fake cards, but never played it, from what I saw. He did hand out business cards with a link to his website, but nothing other than that. Although a part of me kinda wants a Sonichu Promo card...}}

{{quotebox|Being acquaintances with Christian before his life got hijacked by the [[internet]], do you personally feel he's deserved the [[troll]]ing he's gotten the past year?}}

{{quoteboxred|Not nessesarily, but if he was smart enough to stop giving trolls amo against him, then I might actually pity him. He's really just asking for more when he makes so many stupid comments on youtube.}}

{{quotebox|He seemed to be a weird but mostly quiet guy in his Game Place years. Why do you think he's become the preening idiot we all see online?}}

{{quoteboxred|Complete lack of social interaction with humans other than his fossilized parents.}}

{{quotebox|Just how retarded is Chris? We all know he's high functioning [[autistic]], etc., but he has his own driver's license. How functional was he socially and mentally at the game place?}}

{{quoteboxred|I'd say he worked about the same level as a 10 year old, but with practice of some things maybe as much as a standard teenager, but I doubt he'll ever think or act like an adult.}}

{{quotebox|Did you ever notice if Chris acted nicer towards the women that he played?}}

{{quoteboxred|What women? Moms dont play. Kids arent women. and that leaves Megan, who we all know he was a little too friendly with.}}

{{quotebox|Which Chris vid is your personal favorite?}}

{{quoteboxred|[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|The one]] where he's laying on he bed or couch and takes a long sigh and says the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man in the pickle suit]] got him again. Mostly because I almost felt bad for him right there, but then realized it was still really funny.}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Hmmm...my favorite Chris Chan video would have to be the [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding out for a Hero music video]]. As an aspiring film-maker, the camera and editing techniques Chris used were quite inspirational.}}

{{quotebox|Was there ever an instance where you found him to be an enjoyable person to be around by merits of his own character as opposed to finding entertainment in his antics?

Was there even any sort of time where you felt like Chris had redeemed all of the faults that you talk about, even if it the "joy" associated with it was fleeting?

Does he any any good qualities? That's my thing -- I've never seen someone so absolutely devoid of redeeming characteristics.}}

{{quoteboxred|is that supposed to be a joke or something

But seriously, his is a company that I have never legitimately enjoyed.}}

{{quoteboxred|Well like i said earlier one time he brought in his Wii and people played Brawl. That was pretty cool I guess. He was kinda weird about the controllers but I don't recall him not letting someone play. He had to be in all of the matches of course.

He was really finicky about the handling of them and which controller was what player. He had to do all the setting up himself.}}

{{quotebox|Was there ever ANY, even in the least bit, of a redeeming quality in Chris?}}

{{quoteboxred|Not really. Other than trying to be nice some times, he was mostly a self righteous jerk. example: There was a Parapa the rapper contest he entered (and complained about on youtube) for which he handed about flyers to people so they could vote for him. No one did of course. He also read off everything on the flyers before handing them to people, like they couldnt read or something, that always annoyed me. But no, he's basically a waste of my oxygen and [[Monthly tugboat|tax money]].}}
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

File:Chrischannov2007.jpg

2012-04-07T15:12:48Z

Ferret: Minor information.

Taken by [[Mimms]] at the Game Place, on November 2007

File talk:ColeSmitheyTweet.jpg

2012-04-05T01:33:44Z

Ferret:

== "I don't know when, though." ==

Do you at least have a rough guesstimate? I'm trying to confirm it and a search via snapbird turned up nothing. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 18:01, 20 March 2012 (PDT)

This is a shoop if I remember that was flown around 789 a long time back. Just a joke, not real. [[User:Westbound|Westbound]] 21:10, 20 March 2012 (PDT)

It's fake? --[[User:Ferret|Ferret]] 18:33, 4 April 2012 (PDT)

User:Ferret

2012-04-05T01:25:50Z

Ferret:

<div style="clear:right; float:right;">
{{Bisexual}}{{White}}{{IRCReg}}{{transcriber}}{{ClassicChris}}
</div>
== Haaai ==
Hai, I'm Ferret. I discovered the wonders of CWC through the videos of
[[Chris_in_the_media#Harry_Partridge|Harry Partridge]] and the [[Bunny Hop]] video. I discovered the [[CWCki]] on January. (I know this is not important :3)

IRL, I'm chilean, and I speak [[Spanish]]. That's all.

As of today, I've been <strike>piping on</strike> contributing to the CWCki for {{calcdays
|day1=27
|month1=1
|year1=2012
}} days and counting.

[[Image:Pickle-delivery.jpg|thumb|left|I just find this pic cute.]]

User:Ferret

2012-04-05T01:17:17Z

Ferret:

Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean

2012-04-05T01:08:42Z

Ferret:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb|Chris overestimates his own [[power]] as he begs his [[Trolls|True and Loyal Fanbase]] to support his cause.]]
'''Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean''' (full title "'''04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV'''") is an audio recording released by [[Chris]] chronicling an attempt to get himself unbanned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] by confronting [[Michael Snyder]], the [[manajerks|manager]] who permanently ejected him from the store in the summer of [[2008]]. Chris recorded their conversation by hiding a video camera in his pocket. The phrase "ColdHearted" in the title is supposed to be a [[Random-access humor|play on the title of ''Pokemon HeartGold'']].

As usual, Chris adds this to his list of fails as Michael is unmoved by his attempts to get back in, and is entirely justified in this belief. According to Michael himself, Chris's plea was a script he had written down on a piece of paper.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comments]</ref> He also, it seems, can't remember why he was kicked out of the store in the first place. He mentions a "[[Nintendo|Wii]] incident," an occasion where he angered the management with his regular habit of taking over the store's television with his [[video game]] consoles, but otherwise he appears to be genuinely confused as to why Snyder won't let him back in. Oddly, yet hilariously, Chris adds to his streak of [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racist videos]] by shouting "JEW!" at Michael as he leaves the store, [[South Park|like a certain other egotistical fat kid]]. Of note, Michael is not actually Jewish, and the last name Snyder (or Schneider) is German in origin.

The conversation took place on 12 [[April 2010]] and Chris uploaded it to [[YouTube]] later the same day. Shortly after it was posted, the recording was removed from YouTube due to a terms of use violation, either because of Chris's anti-Semitic attitude, because the recording itself may have been [[Chris and the Law|illegal]], or because of the dox and incitement to harass dropped in the description. In the early morning hours of the next day, Chris added a text-only [[:File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|image]] on the front page of [[CWCipedia]] accusing Michael Snyder of [[Kick the Autistic|discriminating against him]] for having [[autism]], and linked to a troll mirror of the deleted video (which he had mistaken for a fan).

One way or another, this video is absolute proof of Chris violating the law—he dropped into the store unannounced with full knowledge that he wasn't supposed to be there. [[Virginia]] defines this as "trespassing", which is a crime punishable by a fine not to exceed $2500, at most one year in prison, or both. According to Mimms, cops were called after this happened, though Michael was unable to press the issue.

==Prelude to the madness==

On 21 April 2010, a woman named Jackie dropped a number of e-mails<ref>See [[Jackie e-mails]], [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]] and [[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> between herself and Chris. In one of the letters, Chris reveals that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church the day before the video was released. When one of the cashiers saw Chris and recognized him, he threatened to call the cops. Chris got angry and bolted.

Finding out Michael Snyder would appear the next day, Chris had his plan - approach Michael and attempt to get the ban lifted. Chris's plan was that if Michael did not lift the ban after this long, [[Chris and the Law|he would call the cops]]. Chris hid a camera in his pocket with the intent of using it as evidence in the event he had to resort to this.

==Description==
{{quotebox|This happened on my recent visit to the Game & Hobby Place. My Camera was hidden in my Vest Pocket.

I encourage all to go there in person, find Michael, and [[Chris and hypocrisy|pester/Troll]] the hell out of him (other employees who support him optional). Also say to Michael, "[[Chris and race|Do Not Discriminate]] Against People like Christian Weston Chandler."

243 Ridge McIntire Road Charlottesville, VA 22903 (434) 984-1040}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6odVsyr3I40}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[F Abstinance]]
| next = [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]}}

{{quote|I'm a better person...}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is speaking into a recorder. From the sound of it, it seems like he is inside his [[Son-chu|car]].'']

'''Chris:''' This is Christian Weston Chandler, [[Captain's Log]]. Stardate... 4:34 PM, Monday, April 12, 2010. I am about to go into the Game and Comic Hobby Place — also sell toys there — to get myself, to try to get myself unbanned and get forgiveness for the mistake I have made almost a year ago when I was banned from the store in June of 2008.

[''Heavy [[sigh]] from Chris'']

'''Chris:''' The dude who banned me was, his name is Michael Snyder, possibly a [[Chris and race#Jews|Jew]] considering his last name. Nothing bad against the Jews, but I'm just throwin' it out there. Alright, so, here I go. [''sigh'']

[''Chris turns off the engine and leaves his car. He approaches The Game Place, and the chime of the store's door alarm can be heard as he goes inside. "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray faintly plays in the background, while we get a good view of the inside of Chris's pocket.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, I'm here to see Michael.

'''Employee:''' Yeah, he's in the room back here.

[''We come upon Michael, who is fixing an RC car. His remarks are occasionally interrupted by whoever he is helping. Judging by the audio, Chris is standing relatively close to him, close enough to occasionally hear whoever Michael is speaking with.'']

 '''Michael:''' Well, I mean, you're, you, you'll just see that by running it. I mean, it was running okay the other day. But just, you know, adjust it one way or the other depending on temperature and everything else. But, you know, it just, it's not usually much. By changing fuel, it doesn't usually change... tuning that much. Mmkay... Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it'll be fine... Right, yeah, it'll be fine. [pause] Okay... Okay... Who made it?

[''The recorder seems to move away from the conversation, and a long silence follows. Various store noises occur in the background, including the bell from someone opening the front door.'']

 '''Michael:''' Okay. Alright. Sounds good. Mm-hm. Bye.

'''Chris:''' Hello, Michael. I see, uh... You've been, I see you're looking well. Haven't changed much since, for the past almost two years. And, yeah, it has been, uh, almost two years since... uh, what happened, uh, June- June 2008. But, uh, I came back hoping that, uh, we could put that behind us and...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' Come on. I mean, it has been almost two years, and it's just been on my mind for so long, just be...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, can't we just [[Mary Lee Walsh|forgive]] and forget?

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' C'mon, to have this...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...[[Obesity|weight]] on my back...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' And I have really...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...missed coming here.

 '''Michael:''' No. No. You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I'm, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|I'm a better person...]]

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] C'mon, what? Come on, dude...

 '''Michael:''' No! You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [[Twin Falling Towers|How can you be so heartless?]] I mean, you're, I mean, you're obviously not as mean as one of those trolls I've been dealing with...

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I mean, come on, I mean, obviously you have something against me, [''four beeping noises are heard, possibly Michael dialing out to 911''] because aside from the Wii incident, I just would like to know ''what''. Come on. Gimme a break. Alright, fine, I'll leave.

[''His tone becomes sharp and angry.'']

'''Chris:''' But I hope that [[Chris and Religion|God will forgive you]] for being so [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|heartless and cruel]], Michael Snyder!

 '''Michael:''' He probably will.

[''Long pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and Race|''JEW!'']]

[''Chris goes out the door, tape runs out.'']

==Aftermath==
During the confrontation, Michael called the [[jerkops|police]]. However, Chris was long gone by the time they arrived.

On the linked YouTube page the opposite party, Snyder, chimed in to inform everyone that, while he had attempted to press charges against Chris for trespassing, the police informed him that he had no recourse to pursue legal action for Chris's trespassing or attempts to incite harassment. It all seems for naught anyway, as Snyder mentioned that, not only did he not receive any harassing messages, but he actually got messages of congratulations and encouragement for putting Chris in his place.

{{quotebox|I have been told I have no recourse for any of his actions, and his encouraging people to harass me. Turnabout is fair play?? }}
{{quotebox|I want to thank all my fans for their calls supporting me, and feel he needs to stay home and get your calls. His phone number in the book is 434-990-0198. Happy dialing,
Mike 
Elvis has left the building }}

===A video with video===
The next day, [[Vivian Gee]] made a ''[[South Park]]''-style animation using the audio from this clip. Christian himself stopped by to make the following comments on her video:

{{quotebox|Hey, Vivian. I'm going to tell you right now that if you were trying to offend me with this "South Park" [[Parody]]; You Failed. This is just SOO FUNNY! You ought to know I like "South Park", especially the less dramatic, more comical episodes. ROFL}}

{{quotebox|Actually, there is ONE more thing you could to just make this a TOPPER of a Comical Scene; I gave him the finger as I left for real, so add a [[Wild Sonichu|Sit-And-Spin]] in the silence right before the final insult. ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = episode 200 - the game place
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HWq4pB_Vikw}}
| stardate = 13 [[April 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan is not an Anti-Semite
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AAeawAbjyQA}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| maker = Stvx2
| subject =
| type = Judeo
| info = }}

==See also==
* [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?gmqwe4kmgzm MP3 download]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[F Abstinance]]|nextlink=[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]|}}

{{Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2010| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

File:Nintendochris.JPG

2012-04-05T01:07:11Z

Ferret: Piped

"[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND KICKS YOUR ASS!]]"

REAL Protest against the FAKE

2012-04-01T19:03:45Z

Ferret: /* Youtube comments from Ian */

"'''REAL Protest against the FAKE'''" is a video uploaded in [[July 2009]] by [[Solid Chris]] (Ian Brandon Anderson) in protest of the True and Honest CWC, CChanSonichuCWC ([[Liquid Chris]]). Even in real life, Ian appears to be stuck in the [[Time Void]], because he still thinks it's June. This is the same mistake that he made in [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|his last Captain's Log video]].

The video description is a notable display of Ian in rage mode not seen since the days of [[Jimmy Hill]]:
{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC]". HE IS CRAPPY, and his Nasal Voice is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL! }}

Ian led this reactionary protest movement gloriously from victory to victory for about an hour or so, after which the video was deleted. The wrath, it seems, was more than he could bear.

Ian returned the video to YouTube on 23 July. His reasons for taking it down only to upload it again a day later remain a mystery.

==Background==

On 21 July 2009, [[Liquid Chris]] uploaded a video on how he set up a vendor booth at the popular Otakon [[anime]] convention and made a fortune off OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL Sonichu merchandise. It was revealed in the [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails]] that [[Jack]], (who was currently holding Ian's PSN hostage) informed Ian about Chris's massive success.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = July 21, 2009 - Sale of OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL SONICHU Merchandise of CWC, NO FAKERIES OR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bW6Ki-RH2M8}}
| Stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter =
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
Greetings to my fans on YouTube! I am sorrowfully sorry that I—uh haven't posted a video for awhile. But, uh, I have been very busy, making er—making th—rollin' '''in the dolla bills'''! [''flashes fat wad''] Um, uh, I'll tell you what, and—er—this past weekend, I went to Otakon, which if y'all—if you all don't know what that—if y'all don't that, uh, the Ota—[''noticeable jump cut'']—convention... for some anime and video games and, uh, Japanese cu.... Yeah.

So, anyway, I took my original and official Sonichu merch—ah, merch—merchandise, uh, over there, and what was...—it was, uh, replica medallions. [''holds medallion up to camera''] Uh, and, uh, my—my—my comic... and I baked some myself, some chocky-chip cookies, uh, in the shape of Sonichu's head. So I actually sold all my merchandise by the afternoon time, and uh—made uh—'''lots of money'''! [''flashes cash''] Uh, here it is, there.

So, uh, this time I'm going to, uh, spend it on my church congregation and buy my pastor, Elizabeth, a copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. I—I, uh—I hope she has a [[PS3]]. [''big smile'']

Now, because I, uh—sold all my stuff, I can't show you any of it because, uh, it's not here. But, uh, I am—uh, I am replenishing my, uh, my stock. So, my official stock there. So, uh, if—if you want to all buy straight from the source, I am, uh—I will be working to set—to set up a original webpage to sell it on. So, uh, be looking forward to that. Uh, to that, uh, I'll tell you what. Anyway, um, peace. Have a good day.

==Youtube comments from Ian==

Ian quickly got wind of this and was furious at the idea of someone slandering his good name by being thin, successful, and self motivated.

;First comment

"GIVE IT UP, Dumbass. YOU are Not Me, the Real CWC, and you Wish you Were. I Challenge you to Sow yourself in my Real Life Presence, O I can really give you a piece of my mind.

No Peace,
Christian C."

;Second comment

"Hey, DUMBASS! [[Chris and his ego|YOU WISH YOU WERE ME!]] I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA]]
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, [[Speech impediment|YOUR NASAL VOICE]] IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "[[Naive]]" is even WORSE than NAILS.

[[Chris and hypocrisy|You are a Nerd and a Whimp!]]

Have a good day.
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler"

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 22 July 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wn8RBijuT1g}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Trollin More]]
| next = [[Do Not Dis C Ville]]
}}

{{quote|I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image. }}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], June 22nd: 200—no, I'm sorry—''July'' 22nd, 2009.

As you all may have heard about the quote/unquote "Christian Weston Chandler" that went to the Otakon in the past weekend and actually uploaded a video of himself in a stupid, brown-striped shirt with a [''voice breaks''] paper thin medal replica—paper thin. If you want the official merchandise, the medallion is made... '''from'''... '''clay'''. '''''Clay'''''! C-L-A-Y.

And, not only that, [''voice cracks again''] remember my face? ''My'' face?

And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.

Do not buy anymore from this ''crappy'' impostor; do not give him anymore money.

[''voice hits even higher pitch than before''] And he's saying he's gonna give to quote/unquote "his" congregation with ''my'' Elizabeth Foss—it's ''my'' congregation, ''not'' his! [''voice breaks even higher''] ''Who'' does the impostor think he is? ''DOWN with him''! [''mimics the Undertaker''] ''Burn in hell''.

And worst of all: that nasally voice of his, to think it—they can get away with as mine. [''tries to flip the bird, but points instead, then corrects self''] He's got another thing coming.

As for the rest of you that have been—that are good and true... peace to all of you. Have a pleasant day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Trollin More]]|nextlink=[[It's UGH!]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-07-22]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-22]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-22]]

REAL Protest against the FAKE

2012-04-01T19:00:32Z

Ferret:

"'''REAL Protest against the FAKE'''" is a video uploaded in [[July 2009]] by [[Solid Chris]] (Ian Brandon Anderson) in protest of the True and Honest CWC, CChanSonichuCWC ([[Liquid Chris]]). Even in real life, Ian appears to be stuck in the [[Time Void]], because he still thinks it's June. This is the same mistake that he made in [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|his last Captain's Log video]].

The video description is a notable display of Ian in rage mode not seen since the days of [[Jimmy Hill]]:
{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC]". HE IS CRAPPY, and his Nasal Voice is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL! }}

Ian led this reactionary protest movement gloriously from victory to victory for about an hour or so, after which the video was deleted. The wrath, it seems, was more than he could bear.

Ian returned the video to YouTube on 23 July. His reasons for taking it down only to upload it again a day later remain a mystery.

==Background==

On 21 July 2009, [[Liquid Chris]] uploaded a video on how he set up a vendor booth at the popular Otakon [[anime]] convention and made a fortune off OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL Sonichu merchandise. It was revealed in the [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails]] that [[Jack]], (who was currently holding Ian's PSN hostage) informed Ian about Chris's massive success.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = July 21, 2009 - Sale of OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL SONICHU Merchandise of CWC, NO FAKERIES OR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bW6Ki-RH2M8}}
| Stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter =
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
Greetings to my fans on YouTube! I am sorrowfully sorry that I—uh haven't posted a video for awhile. But, uh, I have been very busy, making er—making th—rollin' '''in the dolla bills'''! [''flashes fat wad''] Um, uh, I'll tell you what, and—er—this past weekend, I went to Otakon, which if y'all—if you all don't know what that—if y'all don't that, uh, the Ota—[''noticeable jump cut'']—convention... for some anime and video games and, uh, Japanese cu.... Yeah.

So, anyway, I took my original and official Sonichu merch—ah, merch—merchandise, uh, over there, and what was...—it was, uh, replica medallions. [''holds medallion up to camera''] Uh, and, uh, my—my—my comic... and I baked some myself, some chocky-chip cookies, uh, in the shape of Sonichu's head. So I actually sold all my merchandise by the afternoon time, and uh—made uh—'''lots of money'''! [''flashes cash''] Uh, here it is, there.

So, uh, this time I'm going to, uh, spend it on my church congregation and buy my pastor, Elizabeth, a copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. I—I, uh—I hope she has a [[PS3]]. [''big smile'']

Now, because I, uh—sold all my stuff, I can't show you any of it because, uh, it's not here. But, uh, I am—uh, I am replenishing my, uh, my stock. So, my official stock there. So, uh, if—if you want to all buy straight from the source, I am, uh—I will be working to set—to set up a original webpage to sell it on. So, uh, be looking forward to that. Uh, to that, uh, I'll tell you what. Anyway, um, peace. Have a good day.

==Youtube comments from Ian==

Ian quickly got wind of this and was furious at the idea of someone slandering his good name by being thin, successful, and self motivated.

;First comment

"GIVE IT UP, Dumbass. YOU are Not Me, the Real CWC, and you Wish you Were. I Challenge you to Sow yourself in my Real Life Presence, O I can really give you a piece of my mind.

No Peace,
Christian C."

;Second comment

"Hey, DUMBASS! [[Chris and his ego|YOU WISH YOU WERE ME!]] I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA]]
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, [[Speech impediment|YOUR NASAL VOICE]] IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "[[Naive]]" is even WORSE than NAILS.
[[Chris and hipocrisy|You are a Nerd and a Whimp!]]

Have a good day.
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler"

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 22 July 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wn8RBijuT1g}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Trollin More]]
| next = [[Do Not Dis C Ville]]
}}

{{quote|I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image. }}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], June 22nd: 200—no, I'm sorry—''July'' 22nd, 2009.

As you all may have heard about the quote/unquote "Christian Weston Chandler" that went to the Otakon in the past weekend and actually uploaded a video of himself in a stupid, brown-striped shirt with a [''voice breaks''] paper thin medal replica—paper thin. If you want the official merchandise, the medallion is made... '''from'''... '''clay'''. '''''Clay'''''! C-L-A-Y.

And, not only that, [''voice cracks again''] remember my face? ''My'' face?

And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.

Do not buy anymore from this ''crappy'' impostor; do not give him anymore money.

[''voice hits even higher pitch than before''] And he's saying he's gonna give to quote/unquote "his" congregation with ''my'' Elizabeth Foss—it's ''my'' congregation, ''not'' his! [''voice breaks even higher''] ''Who'' does the impostor think he is? ''DOWN with him''! [''mimics the Undertaker''] ''Burn in hell''.

And worst of all: that nasally voice of his, to think it—they can get away with as mine. [''tries to flip the bird, but points instead, then corrects self''] He's got another thing coming.

As for the rest of you that have been—that are good and true... peace to all of you. Have a pleasant day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Trollin More]]|nextlink=[[It's UGH!]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-07-22]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-22]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-22]]

File talk:CWCki-tanBlackHistoryMonth.png

2012-04-01T17:03:48Z

Ferret: Created page with "Where's the chicken? --~~~~"

Where's the chicken? --[[User:Ferret|Ferret]] 10:03, 1 April 2012 (PDT)

Category:CWCkipedians who are transgendered

2012-04-01T16:54:13Z

Ferret:

This is a list of all CWCki users who are [[Rosechu#Intersex|transgendered]]. They aren't afraid to go to great lengths to alter their physical appearance and possibly their body in order to become who they feel they are inside. Even Chris admits that [[Homos#Fear_of_being_a_homo|if he ever goes homo, he'll get a sex change.]]

[[Category:CWCkipedians by gender]]

User talk:Champthom

2012-04-01T16:43:35Z

Ferret: /* Heeeey */ new section

Talk to me.

Be sure to check out the archives as well:

'''Archive:''' [[User:Champthom/Archive 1|1]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 2|2]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 3|3]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 4|4]] [[User:Champthom/Archive 5|5]]

== Account inactive on the CWCki Forum ==

Hey Champ, I'm so sorry if this is the wrong place for this kind of post but I'm not really too sure where else to go to, sorry buddy. But yeah, I tried to sign onto my Jackal account on the CWCki forums and was told it was inactive and to contact an administrator... I'm just wondering did I receive a ban or something? Apologies if I did like, I'm not even asking to be re-instated or anything, I'm just curious what I've done! Thanks in advance Champthom --[[User:Jackal|Jackal]] 05:23, 4 March 2012 (PST)

==Champ tomas==

okay like i'll have all the subtitles backed up on my hd so far, did you have i have like 8gb of cwc shit on my computer? yeah i know right. so anywayyyy i have decided to credit ppl on both the caption titles (for example, "iamstraight by champthom") and the video descriptions for double the fun!!also if i can't upload the subtitles i can ask tito to. i should be fine though. [[User:Abejita Cortez|Abejita Cortez]] 19:09, 17 February 2011 (PST)

== PSN Tracker ==

I'm not sure if you're the right person to ask, but I recently got Chris to add me on the PSN.
How would I contribute to the PSN tracker? [[User:Dillon627|Dillon627]] 09:19, 22 February 2011 (PST)
*edit the psn tracker? i think anyone can edit it bro -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 10:42, 22 February 2011 (PST)
* http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Template:PSNTracker&action=edit here you go -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 10:43, 22 February 2011 (PST)
Thanks. I'll try to start updating it when I can. [[User:Dillon627|Dillon627]] 12:12, 22 February 2011 (PST)

== I apologize ==

I apologize for doing something wrong while transcribing Kacey Call 8. I want you to know that I am currently still working on the transcript, but as you can imagine, it is not walk in the park... It's a little over 35 minutes long and I'm sure you know how hard it is to transcribe audio. I also want you to know that I will try to do better in the future. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 16:34, 4 March 2011 (PST)
*I do appreciate the effort, I do ask though you add [[:Template:Transcription|this template]] to pages that aren't completely transcribed. That way, people can pick up the slack so it's not all on you. I do appreciate your work and I hope you continue transcribing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 4 March 2011 (PST)
::Thanks for deleting the thinger-ma-bobber. Now that I look back at the edits, that should've been obvious..but I fail at computer stuff as it is so I'll blame it on that. :P --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 18:51, 6 March 2011 (PST)

== Re:Comic Categories ==

Sounds like a good idea.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 18:02, 4 March 2011 (PST)

== Always here ==

Wallflower policy here: http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Talk:The_Wallflower#Stating_CWCki_Policy

I have never left, friend. I merely got a new job that causes me to work long hours. Once my time becomes free-er and my heart level recovers from Mumble translations, I shall return full-time. I still check here once a day or more.

Want a pizza roll? Message me if you want a pizza roll. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 19:06, 7 March 2011 (PST)

:Edit: I'll post it in the right place later tonight. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 19:17, 7 March 2011 (PST)
:*Just did it dude, thanks for the help. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:17, 7 March 2011 (PST)

==Anything I can do at the moment?==

I've watched the CWCki for a while now and now that I've joined, I'd like to know if there is anything specific I can help with. Thanks. --[[user:Ctahu|Ctahu]] [[User_talk:Ctahu|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Ctahu|c)]] 17:50, 19 April 2011 (EST)

==Can do==
Sorry I took so long to reply, it was 3AM here when you left the message and I just got it. I'll keep IRC open for whenever you're available. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 07:10, 23 April 2011 (PDT)

== Love ==

Champ,

Just when everyone- EVERYONE- thought Chris had shriveled up, dried out like a prune and flat out fucking died- you [[Tomgirl_Pictures|delivered]]. Technically it was Freecell who uploaded them and obviously some [[troll|beautiful, honest woman]] persuaded him to do this, but in my reality Champthom knows all, sees all... so yeah.

Holy shit. Honestly, if we get nothing else for 2011...

... I want you bad.

--[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 08:17, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

== Possible new article ==

I noticed after I signed up a couple weeks ago that the articles on the retconned Asperchu characters were an absolute clusterfuck, so I've been experimenting in my [[User:Old meme/Sandbox|sandbox]] for a while now on merging the [[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)]], [[Basement Rosechus]] and [[Mitch Sonichu]] pages. I added some new images and had Freecell look at it and make his own additions, and he thinks it's ready for the main namespace. Obviously though, that will involve moving pages and fixing broken redirects, and being the boss around here you get the final say. When I was working on this, the title I had in mind was "Asperchu parodies", but that's just my suggestion. Have a look at it and tell me what you think. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 08:19, 17 May 2011 (PDT)
*I've seen it, it's pretty good, but not sure about the name, as they're "parodies" in the same way Sonichu is a "parody" (which is, not really). Come up with a better name and we might be able to do something. Perhaps if you post on the portal [[CWCki:General|here]] you could get some feedback. Nice work though, keep it up.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:25, 17 May 2011 (PDT)
*Thanks. I'll do that now. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 06:32, 20 May 2011 (PDT)
*Champthom ma boi, that message has been on the community portal for four days and I don't think anyone has noticed it. Do you want to come up with an article name yourself? Only I want to get this page up so I can start using my sandbox for other purposes. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 06:16, 24 May 2011 (PDT)
*Thanks again. Tell me when you have a title for the page. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 07:15, 27 May 2011 (PDT)

Yo Champ! It's been nearly a month now. Have you got a title for me yet? I spent quite a while on that article and I want to see it up soon. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 09:33, 14 June 2011 (PDT)
*Holy crap, thanks for reminding me dude. Alec's suggestion is kinda lame, too wordy - "Alternate interpretations of Sonichu characters" (I think he might have misunderstood me), I think "Asperchu parodies" might work. Man, I am awful at procrastination, lol. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:05, 14 June 2011 (PDT)
*It's up now, and looking good. Thanks for sorting everything out Champ. Now to get to work on another merged page about Chris's shitty transformers. This will take a while. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 08:07, 17 June 2011 (PDT)
*Oh, and while I'm here, a couple of weeks ago I decided to rewrite the [[Sonichu (game)]] page. I only just realised after looking back on it that I subconsciously created another merged page while doing so. I condensed [[Pokémon: Lightning Version]], [[Sonichu Adventure]] and [[Sonichu Advance]] into that one page. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but take a look at it and fix it as you see fit. I didn't even know until now that I did that. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 08:17, 17 June 2011 (PDT)

==RE:==
Don't worry about it. I'm just sorry I wasn't online to see it sooner. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:31, 26 May 2011 (PDT)

Glad I was able to help since I missed the show. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:12, 26 May 2011 (PDT)

== I suck donkey balls ==
I was trying to upload a new version of [[:File:Prowl prower.jpg|this file]] and make it into [[:File:File-Prowl prower.jpg|this file]] so I could use it in an article. Somewhere down the line, I fucked up. The first one now displays the old image in file mode and the new image as a thumb on article pages, while the new one has a fucked up name that I think was automatically assigned when I tried to upload a new version of the other one. Please fix this for me? kthnx. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 14:50, 21 June 2011 (PDT)

== Check out this shit ==
I feel it's getting to the point where I'm just spamming with the ammount of times I keep asking you to look at a new article in my sandbox. Regardless, you said you wanted me to have a look at maybe rewriting the templates for the sagas and the like. I plan on doing so, along with a few other templates while I'm at it, but I am on my third sandbox already and I think making a fourth would be pushing it at this point. Even if I wasn't though, I think now would be a good time to show them to you because I am just about done. I'm awaiting Freecell's revisions for some of them, but he's taking a while and I'm sure whatever problems he would find, you would also. Anyway, here's [[User:Old meme/Sandbox|the first]]. It's a reworking of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]] page and it merges [[Prower]] and [[Armoraxe]] into it as well, so we have a page on the entire team instead of a few pages on some of them. The [[User:Old meme/Sandbox 2|second one]] is a rewrite of the [[Decepti-Clone]] article, which has a bad name anyway because Decepti-Clone is the name for evil robots in general, but the page is about S.A.V.s. In my revision, I merged the original page with [[Jerkop Punislav]] and [[Crackder]] so it's actually about Decepti-Clones in general rather than just one type. I would suggest the name of the actual title for this page be [[Decepti-Clones]] plural. Just sayin'. [[User:Old meme/Sandbox 3|Sandbox 3]] is just a rewrite of [[Sarah Hammer]], but I sandboxed it instead of just rewriting the article as normal because I also merged [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] into it, because she is literally a one panel character with no more importance at all. Anyway, I'm submitting all of these for approval, and I promise you that after this and the [[Sonichu (game)]] mergings are over, I'll stop merging so much shit and creating more work for you for a while. I'll take a break and work on those templates instead. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 06:21, 24 June 2011 (PDT)
*Dude, I have bad news for you - I am the world's worst procrastinator. I put off EVERYTHING until the last minute, so if I don't reply to your message right away, that's probably because I'm on the Internet dicking around. I also work at night and sleep during the day most of the week, so on those days I maybe get to check the CWCki for 10, 15 minutes and that's mostly to see if anyone has been vandalizing. Anyways, your articles - your first one, on the Samurai Pizza Bots is pretty alright. My only complaint is the tone, it's rather informal. Now mind you, I don't mind that tone sometimes and I think some articles get away with it but I know that some people prefer a more formal tone and I believe their argument has merit. I have the next few days off, I'll see what I can do to critque your article and give you some ways to improve it. Your Decepti-Clones article seems better than the one we have, but I'll give it another look, it has a lot of details from the comic that I need to refresh to see the context (the later comics I mostly skimmed because Chris stopped giving a shit at that point). I really need to wait on seeing the Sarah Hammer article, that is yours versus the one we have as I don't want to get the two confused. Like I said, I can critque your articles for you. You don't have to work on those templates or the saga stuff if you don't want to, I usually say that when people ask "Why don't we have x?" I say "Because you haven't made it yet!" You're obviously a very dedicated wiki editor which I like and I expect great things from you, just keep up the good work and bear with me.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:42, 24 June 2011 (PDT)
**I appreciate it Champ. I'm only on here a few days a week anyway, I figure while I am I may as well fix things up. No need to rush anything here, I can wait. There are plenty of other articles I could be working on that don't require the sandbox. Plus Freecell still needs to make his edits before this is moved to the main namespace. I'll take the formality thing into consideration and see if I can make the article a bit more serious when I do the spellchecking. And honestly, I do want to give the templates an overhaul. Some of them are laughably outdated compared to some of the articles using them. I think Dethchemist was actually working on some templates too, but I don't know if he still is or not. Either way, leave me a message on my talk page when you get around to reading the stuff, and I'll make the appropriate corrections. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 09:22, 24 June 2011 (PDT)
**Made some updates. Tell me what you think. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 08:56, 25 June 2011 (PDT)

==k==
Trying to do, but whenever I make an account it refuses the username/password combination and says I have no method of recovering it. I'll let it sit for a while and try again. Alternatively, I'll be in IRC if that's easier for you. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 09:16, 14 July 2011 (PDT)

== Champthom my homie ==
Wha's cracking y'all? I thought I'd drop by and remind you like always to look over my sandbox pages, already linked to above, because you said you would but then you did something else and forgot them. Not sayin' I blame y'all, but I'm here to remind you anyway, because you need reminding. They're merged pages for the transformers articles and one on Sarah Hammer fyi. Alright, that's it for now. I got things to do an' shit. Talk later, kay? --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 01:29, 15 July 2011 (PDT)

You know, if you don't have the time or don't want to do it, I could always add the new pages and create the redirects myself? --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 03:53, 26 July 2011 (PDT)
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'M WORKIN' ON IT!]]. Seriously, I'll give it a look tonight or tomorrow.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:08, 26 July 2011 (PDT)
**Well, you said you would, so I can only assume you did. Was the page okay? Just give me a yes or no answer, and if it's a yes, I promise I'll do all the work and sort it out myself. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 05:49, 29 July 2011 (PDT)
:::*Here's what I say - just make the changes, if people don't like it they can change it back. RPOBLEM OSLVED.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:51, 29 July 2011 (PDT)
::::*KAY MAN. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 05:52, 29 July 2011 (PDT)

==New members==
I figured I'd let you know that a lot of people from /cwc/ have it in their head that the best course of action right now is to raid the CWCki in the name of the tomgirls. We're working on a similar plan right now but it needs to be taken one step at a time, not jumped into. So I'd keep an eye on any new members, just in case. It's possible they'll do something stupid. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 12:28, 22 July 2011 (PDT)
*Well main page templates have all been protected for the next week, that's usually what they target first. It's possible that new people are joining because there's new content, but I have considered the possibility of the attack, hence the protection. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:17, 22 July 2011 (PDT)

==Templates==
<nowiki>Yo. I've just been using {{subst:welcome}} instead of {{welcome}}. I'll switch to {{welcome}} if you want.</nowiki> --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 22:19, 22 July 2011 (PDT)

==Page Format==
I've done a couple page cleanups over the last few days, and I got to thinking about the common nit-picks I have. There's good info in the Help pages on how to format dates, when to pipe, etc., but there's no real place to go to see a model 'page layout.' I started a [[User:Dude/Guide_to_Style|formatting guide]] (improperly labeled 'style' guide, at the moment) as a subpage of my user page. Take a look, and feel free to use it as the nucleus for a new help page. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 23:25, 24 July 2011 (PDT)
*Not bad, it's definitely something we could use. I would suggest looking up how Wikipedia does things, as that tends to be the standard for wikis (for instance, standard for pics are right aligned when possible). Pretty much I'd recommend fleshing it out with stuff from Wikipedia's article layout guide (remember, it's Creative Commons so you can pretty much copy paste it, ideally source it as well) and obviously adapt it to the CWCki's needs.

:To be honest, I came up with the "Sauces" thing since that's how most people who frequent this site talk - they'll say "sauce plz" HOWEVER if you and other people think it should be "References", I'm cool with that.

:Keep up the good work man.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:50, 25 July 2011 (PDT)

::HA! I thought if anybody would hate the ''sauces'' it would be you, man ;-) It doesn't really matter to me, though I prefer Refs. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 18:51, 25 July 2011 (PDT)

==Just got your message==
I've been unwell for the past few days and still am. I'll leave IRC open if you're still wanting to talk, but I'm mostly going to be away from my computer so I may not be able to get back to you for a few hours. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 13:48, 27 July 2011 (PDT)

==I'm sorry to neg you..==
But can you please edit [[Template:Da Update|Da Update]] to include Liquid closing his YouTube account? I don't have permission to edit that template and I think this item is newsworthy, plus it might lead to Chris proclaiming victory on YouTube or something like that after seeing that his old foe's YouTube account is gone. -- [[User:NegaCWC]]
*I agree that it's newsworthy, though it's unlikely Chris gives enough of a fuck anymore. Liquid got what he wanted, Chris lost and moved on. It sounds like you're trying to use the CWCki to troll Chris though. There's a stigma against that, non? [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 22:45, 27 July 2011 (PDT)
**Yeah I know that the CWCki shouldn't be used as a trolling tool, I'm asking for it to be put on Da Update because I think it needs to be there regardless of Chris's possible reacion, even if we found out that Chris is dead by now I think it should be there. Sorry that I didn't sign my previous edit BTW. --[[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] 00:25, 28 July 2011 (PDT)
::*I'm sorry but Da update is strictly for Chris related updates. Unless Chris manages to react to the account closing, it definitely has no place in da update. Besides, it leads to a slippery slope - one could argue then that we include any update any past troll of Chris does on their YouTube accounts and that would be silly. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:00, 28 July 2011 (PDT)
:::*I don't really have an opinion either way, but I don't know if it would necessarily lead to stalking all Chris related youtube accounts. Liquid is a bit more important than other troll youtube accounts because that saga happened primarily via youtube. It might be a milestone we'd want to make note of. [[User:Canine|Canine]] 06:03, 28 July 2011 (PDT)
::::*But, was there an update when the Asperpedia was shut down? If so, then editing Da Update to include the closing of Liquid's account wouldn't be totally unprecedented. If not, then I agree, it's a slippery slope. [[User:Giantgroundsloth|Giantgroundsloth]] 06:50, 28 July 2011 (PDT)
:::::*Remember though people, da update is essentially about Chris. People check it out to see what Chris is up to. Da update really shouldn't be what other trolls are up to, as people who are curious about the trolls themselves usually manage to find out about them themselves. I have no problem with this information being incorporated into the [[Liquid Chris]] page if it hasn't already, as obviously it's relevant. However, it's not da update worthy because it's not about Chris. While it won't necessarily lead to stalking other trolls, it will set a precedent for it. People will say "Oh, [[Vivian]] has started a side project, let's include that in the update" or "[[Jack Thaddeus]] posted something on some Internet forum, let's include that in da update." I'm careful when it comes to establishing precedents, which is why including Liquid's account closing would set a bad one.
::::::As I see it, people who want this in da update 1) want to troll Chris for it or 2) feel that we need to update da update because it's been too long. As many people will back me up on this, the CWCki isn't a way to troll Chris, that's to protect our asses if shit ever goes down. Even if we are to update it to troll Chris, I very, very, VERY much doubt he would care and I have sufficient knowledge of Chris to know this. Chris will probably have no clue who "Liquid Chris" is, and even if he realizes it's the "impostor" he'll just remind himself how he won the [[Singstar Challenge]] (at least, HE believes he did) and is therefore the TRUE and HONEST Christian Chandler, or at least the Christian Weston Chandler who was born Christopher. Second point, I don't think there's anything wrong with not updating da update. If nothing happens with Chris, so be it. Da update reflects what da update is and if there is no update, well, [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|tough cookies]]. Da update should not be cheapen by updating it for the sake of updating it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:21, 28 July 2011 (PDT)

==WHAT?!==
YOU MEAN YOU'VE [[Help:So, you've been banned...|BEEN ABLE TO BAN PEOPLE FOR GENERAL FAGGOTRY THIS WHOLE TIME]] AND YOU NEVER ONCE THOUGHT TO GET RID OF FAGGOTS LIKE ICONOCLAST?!

I've got to say Champ, I'm more than a little disapointed by this. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 07:52, 28 July 2011 (PDT)
*I don't ban people unless they've actually done something against the CWCki (i.e. vandalized it) or their presence is so disruptive to the CWCki that people are spending more resources trolling said person than editing the CWCki (like with 16BitAlex). "General faggotry" is more of an exception clause, because there's usually exceptions to the rules. I try to be fair and just with everyone when it comes to bannings, and I won't ban anyone who edits in good faith.
:Just chillax man.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:58, 28 July 2011 (PDT)
::But still, you missed so many great opportunities with this! The people we could have gotten rid of! The unnecessary drama we could have avoided! Alex was totally acceptable to ban! Yet you didn't do that until he requested it himself! You need to start being harsher with your punishments. Keep that pimp hand strong. Or at least give me a promotion so I can be harsh for you. I promise I won't go crazy and ban all the furfags. Or Clyde. Unless you want me to. Which you should seriously consider by the way. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 08:09, 28 July 2011 (PDT)

==T&T Page==

Hey, the protection on the T&T page is up. Could you revert the edits to the 22nd and lock it again? Just in case, it's best to keep the article static until this is all over. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 19:17, 29 July 2011 (PDT)

==Yo==
Hey, I saw you were on earlier and protected a page. If you're still online, jump on IRC real fast. Otherwise, I'll look for you another time. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 21:02, 29 July 2011 (PDT)

==Chibbity Champthom==
I sent you a PM on PVCC but you're here more so hit me up homedog. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 07:28, 6 August 2011 (PDT)

==RE: Ivy's age==
I'm a little confused about Ivy's date of birth. Is 1992 the year in which the actual culprit behind Ivy was born or is it Ivy's year of birth according to what Chris was told? If it's only the former than I'm not sure it should be listed as the date of birth in her article. After all if I remember correctly you're the one who said that articles on trollsonas should always describe the events as Chris perceives them rather than explain what really happened (who was really behind every trollsona and so on). - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] 11:13, 3 September 2011 (PDT)
*It's the birthday Ivy told me when I asked her when her birthday is. Take that as you will.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:02, 4 September 2011 (PDT)

== Standardising Template:PublicSauce ==

Champthom, can you rename [[Template:PublicSauce]] to "Template:PublicSource"? Now that the [[Template:Cite]] template has been changed to display [''citation needed''] instead of [''sauce needed''], shouldn't [''public sauce needed''] likewise be changed to read [''public source needed'']?

I'm going to go ahead and change the template to do just that, but I cannot rename the template. By renaming the template, it will further standardise naming conventions in the CWCki as well as be consistent with the template's output. Renaming shouldn't cause any problems regarding coding in other pages since no pages currently use this template. – [[User:BrianBash|BrianBash]] ([[User_talk:BrianBash|talk]]|[[Special:Contributions/BrianBash|cont]]) 16:30, 3 September 2011 (PDT)
: I moved it, which should fix this. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:17, 3 September 2011 (PDT)

== Sonichu Animated ==
Have you tried protecting the variations of using a colon and semicolon and different possible capitalizations of all the different words? And don't forget abbreviations like Sonichu TAS and STAS. I would also like to remind you that it can just be shortened to Sonichu Animated or some variation thereof. You have a lot of work to do bro. Maybe you should put the Jerkops to work on this. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 08:12, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
*When I said comma, I did mean colon. So far, I've protected "Sonichu: The Animated Series" and "Sonichu:The Animated Series" in addition to "Sonichu The Animated Series." It's not a huge ordeal, if it comes up again I'll delete it, I just find it annoying that people see that they can't create the page with the right spelling, so they think they're clever by taking out the colon or something like that. Sonichu TAS is the only page that keeps getting resurrected time and again. But yeah, I'm not going to make a huge deal out of it, if it comes up I'll deal with it then than try and figure out every permutation someone could make for the page. I mean, could you totally see me like, making a zillion protections and someone figuring out one I didn't cover? That'd be embarrassing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:32, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
::The ''recent changes'' page hasn't been moving *that* quickly; while it's retarded that it keeps being added, I think the deletion turn-around has been quick enough. And honestly, I think it's just retards that need to lurk moar, as opposed to any real effort at being a douche. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 22:33, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
::EDIT: OK, I just saw the last one, and that was pretty douchey. --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 22:38, 6 September 2011 (PDT)

== Thanks ==

Thanks =) As a side note, can you give [[User:WelcomeBot]] bot status - I am not a good enough admin to do it myself according to [[Special:UserRights]] =( --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:46, 21 September 2011 (PDT)
:Oh yeah and I got a little bored and [[User:Anonymax/Style|drafted some style guidelines]]. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 22:30, 21 September 2011 (PDT)

== Nag nag nag nag ==

Make me an admin so I can lord over these spergs with an iron fist. --[[User:Dinglebear|Dinglebear]] 12:40, 22 September 2011 (PDT)

== Image naming ==

As of MediaWiki version 1.14 or something, you can now "rename" files by using the move feature on File: pages. Just a timesaving pro-tip for the future - though an improper name may not be the sole reason for having to delete a file, if it is - then you don't need to delete/reupload anymore. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:48, 27 September 2011 (PDT)
*Well fuck me in the ass and call me your sister, you're right. I was expecting it to be named something like "Rename" but apparently not. Yeah, totally saves time, this is totally why I made you an admin.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:15, 27 September 2011 (PDT)

== Bit of help... ==

Can you delete my account? Thank you. [[Kurtwodka|Kurtwodka]] 22:53, 04 October 2011 (PDT)

== Come back you durp ==

I had some BUSINESS to DISCUSS with you before you RUDELY left upon request. --[[User:Thorg|Thorg]] 23:54, 4 October 2011 (PDT)
*Also make me a Jerkop. --[[User:Thorg|Thorg]] 00:04, 5 October 2011 (PDT)
**No wait make me an admin. --[[User:Thorg|Thorg]] 00:08, 5 October 2011 (PDT)
::*No.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:20, 5 October 2011 (PDT)

== Re: WelcomeBot ==

WelcomeBot is already clever in many ways. Firstly it only welcomes users who have made at least one edit since registering their account. This is for various reasons, but one is because bombarding a new user with a welcome message within 60 minutes of them making their account isn't terribly cool.

WelcomeBot already ignores users who are blocked - so vandals usually get detected and banned pretty quickly around here and by the time WelcomeBot does another sweep, it's more than likely any vandals will have been banned.

The {{tl|Welcome}} template already has a parameter for specifying a user other the one making the edit to the user's talk page - I've now edited WelcomeBot to place my name instead of his for the "contact me on my userpage" link. WelcomeBot still signs the message, but the bot's userpage explains who the bot is, who controls him and why.

A demo of this action can be seen on [[User talk:WBTest2]] - which originally had one edit to their own userpage and I forced WelcomeBot to re-run - and you can see the difference in talk page linking. I can add to the welcome template or WelcomeBot's signature something about why a bot is welcoming them - but the userpage should already explain this. I think I covered most of your questions... --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 06:01, 8 October 2011 (PDT)
*Very good, thanks for answering them. Sounds like this is a good thing then, keep up the good work.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:50, 8 October 2011 (PDT)

==I was right about STAS==
[[File:Totally called it.png|300px]]

--[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 06:20, 14 October 2011 (PDT)
*Shine on, you crazy diamond.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:50, 14 October 2011 (PDT)
:*I will! Thank you father! --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 07:13, 14 October 2011 (PDT)

== PVCC CONSPIRACY !11!!ONE! ==
[[File:Champthom be trollin'.jpg]]

I never knew you were such a master troll Champ. I'm proud of you. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 12:19, 4 November 2011 (PDT)

== Getting hold of me ==

I'm alive on IRC from now and for about 6 more hours - you can get my attention quickest by leaving me a message on my talk page on the CWCki - as I'll get an alert within 5 minutes. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:32, 5 November 2011 (PDT)

==The Forum==

I still seem to be able to post and edit my own posts, but I don't have admin privileges anymore. If I'm not anywhere in the list, I may just have to make another account. I think people just have to make a post to get added to the list of members, though, so I gave that a go just now. Also, I haven't yet worked out the details, but I can tell intuitively that this is some kind of secret PVCC plot. I'm on to you. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 06:00, 20 November 2011 (PST)
*Figured it, out, you're back on though your post count resetted =/. BUT you have a custom title and you're back to admin so your e-peen is of equal or greater length now. Keep up the good work on the forum, God only knows I can only do so much.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:25, 20 November 2011 (PST)
**Cool. I'll do my best to keep at it. I might have to take a break from everything for exams in 3 weeks, but if so I'll let you know. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 06:32, 20 November 2011 (PST)

== SPOILER ==

'''SPOILER''': Freecell is signing comments. See also: [[Wikipedia:WP:CUSTOMSIG|that's the joke]] --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:58, 29 November 2011 (PST)
: "that's the joke"
:: - Anonymax on being simultaneously oblivious and self-aware
—Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 12:47, 29 November 2011 (PST)
::I used the incorrect term. It should be "this is the joke" but then I'd look stupid. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 13:37, 29 November 2011 (PST)
*Ah man, you got me. Well played sir, well played. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:48, 29 November 2011 (PST)

== Moving pages ==

MediaWiki now allows you to delete a page on the fly when you try to move an article to a page that already exists. It gives you a warning but then the option to delete it automatically when you proceed with the move. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 08:40, 5 December 2011 (PST)
*Sweet, thanks for letting me know, that's a lifesaver.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:41, 5 December 2011 (PST)
*Odd though. I tried moving "Chris's Wikpedia page" to "Chris's Wikipedia profile" and it said that the talk page already existed and cannot be overridden. Is that only for regular pages then? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:44, 5 December 2011 (PST)
:It probably has issues if the main article doesn't exist before the talk page does. I'll test it. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 08:49, 5 December 2011 (PST)
:OK so basically if the talk page for the destination article title already exists, it won't move the associated talk page. It doesn't want to overwrite the talk page messages - so you have to make a judgement of either deleting the talk page and re-creating afresh, or doing a manual merge of the talk pages (preferable). --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:43, 5 December 2011 (PST)

== Freecell sent me ==

could you please unban my slimz account (you can leave fatz ban) on the forum. Freecell told me that i should talk to you.. Im not sure exactly what the ban was for specifically but i would be glad to rectify the situation. [[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 06:53, 19 December 2011 (PST)

: the 'over the top' persona is just that (welcome to the internet). However if you care that much about the opinions of a a bunch of people you have never met, and feel that your forum is in danger or somehow shamed by me, then im not sure what to tell you. but i think your atempt to censor the forum is trite and a bit 'over the top' in itself. I did not want to have to resort to getting around the ban thru an out of state system, thats why i asked nicely. I will continue to lurk until such time as you see fit to lift said ban. As far as sperging goes, where do you draw the line. Allowing the actions of others to dictate your response is no way to lead. In the real world thats called "prom queen"... think about it. [[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 08:47, 19 December 2011 (PST)

:*Even if I'm generous and assume that you thought that acting like a tough guy was a good idea (as opposed to just saying that for saving face), generally people who have a deep seated hatred for Chris are usually just as fucked up as Chris (see A-Log, PDK, etc.). I'm a nice guy, I don't like seeing people trolled. I stopped you from digging yourself deeper, you're damn glad that they didn't dox you and use life ruin tactics on you. /cwc/ is desperate for content, so they'll troll anyone they consider a "sperg" to get some kick out of it. You're asking for trouble when you make posts like you made. It encourages people to lurk the CWCki Forums just to find fresh meat to troll and it's only a matter of time people start actively trolling the forum. You're welcome to lurk,, I don't give a damn but no way am I unbanning you.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:59, 20 December 2011 (PST)

== I merged another five pages together hope you don't mind. ==
Go check recent changes for which ones. I'm not going through all those links. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 10:00, 20 December 2011 (PST)

== A message from the Great Successor ==

Herro, I have work all this week so I won't be online PM my time until about now. Leave me a message on IRC using MemoServ (as my main desktop keeps bluescreening). Canine said he doesn't know how to summon you. I left you a memo with my interwebs email address. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:25, 29 December 2011 (PST)
:Pro-tip: '''/msg memoserv send Anonymax''' '''''MSGHERE''''' --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:26, 29 December 2011 (PST)
:I got your message - good idea. I'll take a look sometime this week - after this stupid IT project for work is over. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 08:22, 1 January 2012 (PST)

== *stress sigh* ==
<s>Alright, this is a little embarrassing to admit, but I can't use either of those programs. IRC I never even heard of before I came to CWCki and it was never my thing. And AIM I tried to install and sign up for especially for this but it keeps fucking me around. Is there any kind of email address I can reach you through? --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 09:48, 10 January 2012 (PST)</s>

Scratch that, I got into IRC. Unfamiliar programs just intimidate me I guess. You're not in it Champ, but I'll be waiting there for you if you're asleep or at work or whatever it is you Americans do at this time of day. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 07:09, 13 January 2012 (PST)

== okay then ==
nice talking. Call me when you've reached a decision. --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 07:23, 13 January 2012 (PST)

== A little idea I have ==

One of us will go to chris's house, put a lolisa rosechu doll or sign in front of it, and film it to see how chris reacts.
It is what I would like to call: The Lolisa Experiment --An Anonymous Guru 8 February 2012 21:32 GMT
:If you want to do it, go on ahead. Also CWCki is not a forum. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 14:20, 8 February 2012 (PST)

== Possible Video of the now? ==
Nevermind, realised you can do it yourself now...
MellowColor

== I hear you bro ==
Your words of support move me. It warms my heart to know that you recognise the problem we have and are completely behind us. It gives me that much more confidence that we can salvage this place. Please feel free to make me a Jerkop so I can ban problem makers myself though. In my line of work, dealing with faggots means threatening a lot of bans, and it would be nice to have a badge to wave in their face to help move the conversation along in those cases. Come on Champy. Help a brother out? --[[User:Old meme|Old meme]] 07:59, 21 February 2012 (PST)

== New FB Content==
Is this not on Da Update for any reason in particular? Should someone mention Christians little Lemonade venture on there? --[[User:MellowColor|MellowColor]] 03:15, 23 February 2012 (PST)
*Good question! I think people are afraid of putting it up there because they don't want to scare away Chris but IMHO, that shouldn't be a factor to this sort of thing. I'd take it up on the talk page first (that is, the talk page for Da Update) before doing anything, so you don't piss off anyone.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:29, 23 February 2012 (PST)

== Forum ==

Hey, there. Fairly new to the CWCki and Chris-Chan in general, and I enjoy reading the articles and the forums. Admittedly, I was inactive for a while, as I only just read the posts. But recently, I actually did start posting and had every intention to continue to do so. But, today my account "mitchsonichu" was deactivated with the reason stating I was "inactive" despite showing recent activity. It said to contact an admin and you were the only online admin I saw, so, can you please help out? --[[User:Mitchsonichu|Mitchsonichu]] 05:21, 4 March 2012 (PST)
*I'm cracking down on lurkers, for various reasons. I reactivated your account, if it doesn't work let me know. But like I said, I'm starting to crack down on lurkers for various reasons so I'd implore you to contribute.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:09, 4 March 2012 (PST)
**Nope. Still not reactivated. It still says I'm deactivated. Am I doing something wrong? --[[User:Mitchsonichu|Mitchsonichu]] 22:47, 5 March 2012 (PST)

== The Sarah May Article ==

Hi Champ, people are giving me a lot of hell for this article I edited. As I see it the old article put Chris too much in the wrong for no reason considering he was being blackmailed and interrogated. If you agree with everybody else, I'll drop it and stop editing the article, for the moment being I need to stand my ground on this thing. [[User:Cleftpalete|Cleftpalete]] 09:15, 4 March 2012 (PST)

== Clefpalete ==

Sorry, I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I'd like to voice my opinion that [[User:Cleftpalete‎]] needs to go, or at least have a warning. I think he's created an incredibly negative environment over a mostly insignificant article, and he has gone as far as acting overtly hostile to other editors, as well as insulting me and other members. Normally, I wouldn't complain, but I feel like this sort of thing really gets in the way of proper editing. Just my two cents. [[User:Chaosakita|ChaosAkita]] 09:48, 4 March 2012 (PST)

== Account deactivated? ==

My account on the new cwcki forums is kitphiroth. i really want my account reactivated? i'm sorry, i didn't mean to do something bad or wrong if I did ;(

--[[User:Nijhia|Nijhia]] 16:03, 6 March 2012 (PST)

== Heeeey ==

You should replace the DYK facts to was (Example: ...that Chris was a gay icon?). Sorry if my English is bad. --[[User:Ferret|Ferret]] 09:43, 1 April 2012 (PDT)

Sonichu Girls

2012-03-26T23:14:30Z

Ferret: /* The Spanish Letter, translated into actual Spanish */

'''Sonichu Girls''' was a webforum for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris's]] female [[trolls|fanbase]]. A "little slice of Heaven" for him. Founded by [[Sarah May]] and Cassie, aka CassiRosechu, in [[December 2008]].

==Chris's Posts on Sonichu Girls==
Cassie e-mailed Chris, informing him that she was a True and Honest ''Sonichu'' fan who helped start a webforum for female fans of ''Sonichu'', and asked if he would make an appearance. The idea of a web forum of attractive young women delving into Chris's fantasy world appealed to his sense of narcissism and his hatred of [[JERKS|men]], so he made three posts, presented here in unaltered form (save for explanatory wiki links).

===Introduction===
{{quotebox|Yes, it's your man of the (Way More Than an) Hour.

I got the e-mail from "CassieRosechu", so I followed the address.

Y'all are just simply the Sweetest.

I've read my [[Speech Impediment|accent/voice]] was a favorited feature *blush*; I've rarely thought my voice was that alluring, although IMHO, it sounds like a direct-match to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] (anywhere; from the classic and [[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]] shows and all games starting from [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]), and when singing [[Chris and Reality|I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor]].

Anyway, I'll pour a pint of my heart just for y'all. :)

Honestly, I don't know why I'm still single either; even my [[Barbara Chandler|own mother]] finds me handsome. Yet sometimes after she reminds me of that, I reply, "If I'm so handsome, why won't any women (in person) approach me?" During my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], while I'm waiting to be personally approached by an [[Attraction Sign|"18-(my age at that time and current) Boyfriend-Free, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic white girl, to make into a Sweetheart from the ground-up,"]] I did feel lonesome. Yet at the end of each time out to the location, I did feel a sad moment, but I take it with a "That's okay; maybe next time" attitude. But I can tell y'all understand from my past actions that I am honest, dedicated and true, and I truly appreciate that. If anything, that is exactly a neutral fact that I would wish to be fully understood among the worldwide [[trolls|fanbase]].

Aside from the understood fact, I feel that I am truly in touch with [[Tomgirl Pictures|my feminine side]], to the point where I am capable of learning from that to better understand how to [[rape|treat women in a caring, nuturing, positive way]]; I've also learned from Red Skelton of how to be a gentleman. Sometimes I wonder between my caring attitude and the lack of a Sweetheart if I was born the wrong gender; I would wonder what life would have been like [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|if I had actually been born a girl]]. But afterwards, I'd realize that I should still apreciate being born a boy to gentleman; [[Family Guy|God gave me the package, and I signed for it]].

Another thing I feel I should bring up is my honest feelings to validate my being Straight (although it goes without saying). I honestly feel more comfortable around women, because y'all are mostly more sympathetic and caring to another's feelings, y'all are mostly honest in your converstations, y'all are emotionally better and stronger than the majority of the male population, and simply put, y'all are simply fun and delightful to be around. And while it is true (and I am not ashamed to admit it) that I have seen my share of porn, I have learned how to better, positively treat a woman before, during and after the act. I would definitely stay until she woke up, and I would call her back later to see how her day was. And I have and would put the seat up then back down when I use the restroom she would use later. But I digress. When it comes to the private parts, be they covered or not, I look more at the [[china|female parts]], and definitely her face, because not only of my being straight, but every one is truly a masterful work of God's art that is simply beautiful in their own way. But even more beautiful beyond that which makes it truly a wonderous design are the individual personalities. I care more about every woman's feelings and opinions over their body.

On the flip side, I feel discomfort around men, because they can be such mean and cruel jerks. I could go on with what I detest about them, but I will not stoop to their level of cruelty. Also, I feel discomfort when shopping for underwear for myself; they do not need models pictured on the package. It grosses me out to see that thing. It's bad enough that I sometimes see my own when I look down (of which I don't feel as much discomfort), but the very sight of others is like kryptonite to me; it makes me feel like throwing up even when the image randomly pops up in my head.

[[Stress sigh|*sigh*]]

I'm okay; I just took some deep breaths.

I want to thank y'all again for treating me like a King, not just with respect, but with emotional understanding of my feelings. And y'all do not need feel inhibitation in personally approaching me in public *blush*; shoot I would honestly feel most flattered and would personally/emotionally benefit from it (I would most welcome it).

Y'all know I live in Ruckersville, Virgina, and I can be found in the Charlottesville area when I'm out and about. Please feel free to say Hi or offer a hug or what you each feel is comfortable at the moment.

Love & Peace,
Christian W. Chandler.

ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com
PSN ID: Sonichu}}

====Pokeboy====
{{quotebox|If you all will recall, I had mentioned the idea of creating a one-time magazine of pictures of the Rosechus (minus [[Zapina]], since she's underage) being [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexy in underwear or naked]], as a [[women's rights|protest]] of mine against the [[ED]] jerks who drew [[pickles|dicks]] on my female characters and women in general; the heinous, slanderous act still infuriates me. But I withold my rage. A Sonichu Girl asked me when I was going to draw the comic of the Rosechus stripping in protest, so I felt I should put it to a popular vote.

Would you all like to see the multiple pages of the Rosechus being sexy in underwear or naked in the protest against those jerks in the Playboy parodied magazine, or do you all feel I would be crossing a line doing so?

If the popular vote is good, I will draw up the magazine either before or after drawing and coloring my [[Sonichu 9|#9 Comic Book]], depending on how I feel. I'll make my decision based on the popular responses after a week to a month's time.

Thank you all again for understanding my true meaning behind the stripping protest. :)

Love and Peace.}}

==Chris's [[Hair]]==
Cassie, co-founder of Sonichu Girls, asked Chris for locks of his hair so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as souvenirs. Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[BlueSpike|or a dude pretending to be one]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair and placing the locks into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by The Big C himself. Due to the Mexican postal service ''[insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here]'', it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being [[Chris and health|"greasy"]] and having an [[Axe|odd odor]]. While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's butchered version of Spanish, with each side having a Sonichu drawing, where the Spanish side has Sonichu in a sombrero ([[Chris and race|you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZED SOMBREROS]]).

===The Letter in English===
{{quotebox|Dear Cassie,

I hope you and your family are well. I apologize for not writing in a while, and I hope my spanish in this letter is good. :)

Good. I <s>thought</s> felt I should send you the sample of my hair locks I was able to divide for you and your friends including Sarah May. Enclosed in are 23 locks of my hair. I felt bad for not making 200 cards in the time. I've been through a bunch of bad times, and none good. I trust that you can understand fully, and I deeply thank you for that. :)

Like a <s>lrusled</s> (Chris crosses his "t"s last) trusted friend, I love you Cassie.

Love and Peace, 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

===The Letter in Spanish===

{{quotebox|Hola, Cassie,

Yo espero que estar bien, y tú familia están bien tambien. Yo lo siento que <s>fue</s> no escribi te por tan tiempo mucho. Y <s>esto</s> espero mí español aquí esta bien. :)

Bien, yo piensé qué yo debo enviar mí "samples" de pelo yo dividí para tu y su amigas de Sonichu Girls, incluia Sarah May. En esta "envelope", hay viente y tres tarjetas con mí pelo. Yo siento un pequito mal que no puedo dividir dos cien tarjetas durante el tiempo. Tenía veces mal mucho y veces bien tambien. Yo pienso bien que tu comprendes bien, y yo tengo muchas gracias para ti para comprender. :)

Como un amigo bueno, yo te amo. 
Amor y paz, 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

===The Spanish Letter, translated into actual [[Spanish]]===

{{quotebox|
Hola, Cassie

Espero que estés bien, y tu familia también. Siento no haberte escrito durante tanto tiempo, y espero que mi español en esta carta sea correcto :).

Bueno, pensé que debía enviarte unas muestras del pelo que pude dividir para tí y tus amigas de Sonichu Girls, incluyendo a Sarah May. En este sobre hay veintitrés mechones de mi pelo. Me sabe mal no haber podido hacer 200 tarjetas en este tiempo. Últimamente he pasado muchos malos ratos y ninguno bueno. Sé que lo comprenderás, y te lo agradezco de corazón :).

Te quiero como un amigo sincero, Cassie

Amor y Paz,

Christian W. Chandler.}}

===The Spanish Letter, translated into English===

{{quotebox|Hello, Cassie

I hope that to be well, and you family are good too. I regret it that it was not I wrote to you during so time much. And this I hope my Spanish here is well.

Good, I thought what I should send me "samples" of hair I divided for your and its Sonichu girl friends, includes Sarah May. In this envelope, there are 23 cards with me hair. I feel a little bad that I can't divide two a hundred cards during the time. I had bad times many and well times also. I think well that you understand well, and I have many thanks for you in order to understand.

As a friend good, I love you. Love and peace, Christian W. Chandler.}}

===Gallery of Hair===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations of trolls will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire packets of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it to be Chris's.
Image:Dearcassie1.jpg|Letter accompanying the hair.
Image:Dearcassie2.jpg|Spanish translation of the letter.
Image:Hair1l.jpg|All the packets.
Image:Hair2.jpg|And the actual hair.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sonichu Girls revealed ==
On 23 [[February 2009]] (the day before Chris's birthday), the Sonichu Girls forum was revealed to be nothing more than a fake fanbase created by [[Clyde Cash]]. The board itself then morphed into a message board to possibly be used by [[The Miscreants]]. In his post, Clyde made it very clear that Sonichu Girls was an attempt to troll Chris.<ref>http://sonichugirls.yuku.com/topic/120/t/I-Clyde-Cash-have-revealed-the-truth-behind-SonichuGirls.html</ref>

== References ==
<references />

== External links ==
* [http://sonichugirls.yuku.com The Miscreants message board (formally Sonichu Girls)]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]

User:Ferret

2012-03-26T23:10:10Z

Ferret: