CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and reality

2015-06-24T19:28:51Z

Ferrum: /* Science and Technology */

[[File:Hi5.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|And this.]]

{{quote|I don't have to Justify [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]]; they can take of that themselves.|[[Chris]], being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]].}}

'''Reality''' is the universe from which Chris is quite detached, more than likely because he rarely leaves his [[room]]. Quite a bit of his sketchy worldview can be attributed to his [[autism]], as people with autism generally have trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy, and therefore have a harder time with being critical towards and distancing themselves from events and ideas depicted in any fictional media, be it books, films, cartoons or video games. Because of these difficulties, autistics are also easier to manipulate and deceive, especially by sources they trust, and are as a result very impressionable when it comes to [[Chris and brand loyalty|commercials]] and [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]].

Another probable cause of his detachment from reality is the behavior of [[Borb|his parents]], who are (or were, in [[Bob]]'s case) themselves not securely anchored to reality. Their habit of feeding Chris conciliatory platitudes about how he was being mistreated out of jealousy and about special rules applying to him has resulted in Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|all-pervasive sense of entitlement]] and warped perception of anybody or anything that antagonizes him.

Chris is quick to deny indisputable notions, or outright facts, and will quickly retreat into his realm of fantasy, often to avoid [[stress]] when faced with the realization that he has been defeated, cheated or outwitted, as these instances are usually a result of his own [[slow-in-the-minds|stupidity]] or [[Chris and negotiation|stubbornness]], flaws which Chris will never admit to possessing.

==Fantasy and fiction==
{{quote|You think that comic character wouldn't have its own thoughts and feelings?|Chris}}
{{quote|NO!|[[Alec Benson Leary]]}}
{{quote|You are [[naïve]].|Chris<ref name="ABL call 2">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref>}}
[[CWCville]] is what Chris calls his imaginary, idyllic fantasy world. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its Mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

Chris believes that CWCville and all other products of his imagination actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World", where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]'' as a model. This strange idea may also have stemmed from the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "Imaginationland", which involved a realm where fictional characters and imaginary creations could mingle with one another. In his opinion, anyone who does not accept this worldview is "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref name="ABL call 2" /> He even claims to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others he sees as too slow in the mind to comprehend this idea. He most likely defends this belief because he has accomplished and produced virtually nothing worthwhile in his life, and he likes to pretend that he has made a positive impact on something - if only on a metaphysical level. It may also be noted that Toon World is the name of a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card, providing yet further evidence that Chris has no originality whatsoever.

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way [[Chris and religion|a Christian might consider God to be his or her father]]. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. This is how various events, both major and minor, such as Sonichu and Rosechu's wedding, the birth of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|their children]],<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today Sonichu Page on CWCipedia</ref> [[Kel]]'s romance with [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]],<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc</ref> and even [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Blake]]'s wedding<ref>[[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.286:02_to_9:34.29 I Am The TRUE, ORIGINAL CCWC]]</ref> are said to actually happen "off-screen", instead of just being a [[Chris and writing|spur-of-the-moment throwaway plot elements]] that Chris is [[stress|too lazy to depict]]. Without prior explanation, Chris made a "spoiler" in his own comic that [[Magi-Chan]] will eventually get together with [[Silvana]], implying that, in Chris's head, this has already "happened".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_37 Issue 10 Page 37</ref> It is [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Slaweel Ryam]], not Chris, who apologizes for slandering [[Mary Lee Walsh]].<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>

Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville to be canon if he's the one doing it (regardless of contradictions) and feels it necessary to explain away undesirable changes to CWCville made as a result of outside influences (e.g. [[BILLY MAYS]] [[Julie Reveals Herself|as Mayor]]). The fact that he needs to explain this in his comic pages shows that he assumes everyone else shares this belief as well. Despite considering his own judgement infallible as applied to his own work, he forces [[Alec Benson Leary calls|others]] to accept the "corrections" he has made to theirs.

==In the Real World==
{{Quote|A CAR WEIGHS A LOT MORE THAN 10 TONS|Chris, being unaware that most cars weigh two or three tons.<ref>[[Mailbag 9]]</ref>}}
Chris has a tendency to hugely exaggerate estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight E-mails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] in his favor, as evidenced in his description of a [[11042009 51 50|12-pack of canned lemonade as being fifty pounds(22.7 kg)]]. This behavior is symptomatic of [[Wikipedia:Dyscalculia|dyscalculia]], a common symptom of autism, which leaves the sufferer with poor comprehension of time, measurement, or spatial reasoning. However, Chris does not really display any other symptoms of it, suggesting this behavior isn't mere ignorance, but rather Chris telling childish lies to try to impress people with his physical strength.

Chris automatically assumes his lies will be believed, even if they contradict existing information. This is copiously evidenced in his constant [[List of Chris's lies|lies]] during the [[Father Call]], wherein Chris fibs incessantly about his [[Chris and health|health]] (among other things), frequently denying things or changing his story whenever he gets caught out. His habit of lying and lying about his lies is likely inherited from his mother, whom [[Cole Smithey E-mails|his brother described]] as a pathological liar. When asked by [[Evan]] to remove [[Simonla]] from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character [[Simonchu]] and, thus, effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> The fact that he [[Things Chris has ripped off|demonstrably could not have done this]] did not factor into his reasoning. Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying that Simonla had ever been inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this revised version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with [[Asperger's syndrome]] to be "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "fact" is only his "own idea," he still believes that to think otherwise is to [[Chris and religion|"conform to blasphem[y]."]]<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref> As with many other things which antagonize him, Chris simply assumes Aspergers to be significant of a conspiracy targeting himself.

Unsurprisingly, Chris can come across as highly delusional when he expects to be taken seriously. For example, on 28 April 2012, he made an empty threat to the [[Kiwi Farms]] about hunting down each of its members; he claimed to know where each of them lives in an attempt to intimidate the trolls. Even if one were to gloss over the fact that he wouldn't even [[Shigeru Miyamoto|cough up $800 to travel to Redmond to see his dreams come true]] (and it should be noted that there are trolls all over America, and indeed the world), there's a high chance that there will only be one [[Kick the Autistic|outcome]] of Chris actively pursuing his trolls with the purpose of doing them harm. All things considered, Chris ended up making himself even more of a laughing stock in the process.

===Fictional Characters and Media===
As explained above, Chris believes that fictional characters (including his own) exist on some other plane of reality. During a 2004 confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], [[Chris and psychology|Chris began to converse with thin air, pretending that Sonichu was in the office with him]].<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref><ref name="Jackie e 16">[[Jackie_E-mails_16]]</ref> At one point, Chris began to pretend that he ''was'' Sonichu and started giving a speech that he claimed "Sonichu" wanted to give to Mary. He concluded the lecture with a [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], as of course he believes he has magic powers. These things explain why Mary ordered him to see a psychiatrist. Chris, usually before crashing into slumber, also pretends to converse with Sonichu and Rosechu, at one point claiming that the pair offered him relationship advice.<ref name="Jackie e 16" /> He has also been known to converse with [[Megagi La Skunk]].<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born]]</ref>

Chris is also prone to interpreting various forms of media in his own strange way. During his attempt to put up his own ads on the CWCipedia, he claimed that the award-winning film ''[[Wikipedia:Avatar (film)|Avatar]]'' was meant to promote the eradication of [[homos]]exuality, rather than the tolerance of other cultures.<ref>When Chris edited [[Mailbag 23]], he [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_23&oldid=5987 inserted into the article an ad for ''Avatar''] and wrote a caption under it saying the movie promotes heterosexuality. This ad was later on removed by the sysop.</ref> How he contrived this idea is a complete mystery; not only does homosexuality not feature in the film in any way, but the message of the film is it's wrong to exterminate anything. His fear of homosexuals' destroying the future, incidentally, emerged from an episode of ''[[South Park]]'' called "[[Wikipedia:Goobacks|Goobacks]]", which was a satire of the controversy of illegal immigration. In the episode, a group of [[Ruckersville, VA|rednecks]] who had lost their jobs to the illegal immigrants from the future decided that the best way to get their jobs back was to destroy the future by making everyone gay so there wouldn't be anybody in the future. Chris, however, took everything at face value and interpreted the episode as a scare film on par with ''[[Wikipedia:Red Dawn|Red Dawn]]''. In a similar vein, Chris is convinced that ''[[Family Guy]]'' is anti-gay Republican propaganda, owing to his failure to interpret that the show is [[parody]]ing Republicans, even if poorly in more recent episodes.

As shown above, Chris rarely understands any moral dispensed by media, generally wildly misinterpreting them and then citing them as justification for his ridiculous and bigoted behavior. For example, while attempting to justify his attempt to pretend to be [[Liquid Chris]] in an attempt to steal his girlfriend, he claimed that he was "wrong, but for the right reasons."<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref> This comes from another episode of ''South Park'' called "[[Wikipedia:Best Friends Forever|Best Friends Forever]]", where, after a satire of the [[Wikipedia:Terri Schiavo|Terri Schiavo]] controversy, it is stated that Cartman was "right, but for the wrong reasons." In context, it meant that his goal of shutting down the vegetative Kenny's life support was the right thing to do (for reasons involving the fate of the universe that are too complex to explain here), but his motivation was completely off mark: he only did it because he knew that Kenny's death would cause him to inherit his [[PSP]]. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle were "Wrong, but for the right reasons", as they wanted to keep Kenny alive in a perpetual vegetative state even though they should just let him die, but they were doing so because they actually cared about Kenny, rather than exploiting the situation for their own benefit like Cartman was. Chris seems to have interpreted this as "If you do a bunch of bad things, like pretending to be someone else in order to steal their girlfriend, you are completely justified in doing so if your dishonest actions lead to a positive outcome, like proving that you are the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler and getting laid".
[[File:SchuComic10P3.jpg|thumb|right|The "vaccine" in question.]]

===Science and Technology===
Chris's understanding of the sciences as a part of reality is abysmal. Having graduated from both [[Manchester High School|high school]] and [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], it's rather disturbing to note that Chris has retained little to nothing from either one, aside from the [[Gal pal|overly-attached nostalgia]] and paranoid delusions. To note an example, in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' 10]], Chris created a 'gay-vaccine' made from his own blood, as to "cure" gay and asexual people world-wide. Aside from being a clear violation of even the most basic human rights, it's also an extremely ignorant understanding of medicinal science. An amusing irony is that vaccines use a small sample of the original disease and reintroduce it to the body, as to buff the immune system's response to said disease. In this case, Chris is using his 'straight blood' as the vaccination sample, implying that in fact, Chris is reintroducing the 'homo disease' back into the patient. The delivery method is also completely unscientific. For a vaccine to be used in fresh water sources is incredibly off-base; a vaccine administered this way would not be effective at all. This is, of course, without addressing the fact that homosexuality isn't a disease and therefore doesn't need a treatment or a cure. On another medical note, Chris believes he was "infected" with autism by his doctor,<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> as if such a thing were even possible.

Another example of Chris' extremely feeble grasp of the sciences is the time travel sequence in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' 7]], in which Chris tried to explain his sci-fi pseudo-science. To be fair, time travel is a very general pseudo-science, used in almost any medium of entertainment; in this case, Chris, Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] traveled back in time using Magi-Chan's psychic powers, in order to retrieve one of the [[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystals]]. During said time travel sequence, Chris had a rather lengthy conversation with Sonichu over the topic, citing [[Futurama|a sci-fi cartoon]] as a justification as to why it would be 'possible'. In reality, this is a concept just as real as space aliens from Mars or evil robots from the future. If Chris had an even basic understanding of time, space, and the theory of relativity (which are all covered in the public school system), he might have withdrawn these comments trying to rationalize a comic book about magic humanoid hedgehogs and imaginary towns.

Chris also seems completely unaware of what current technology is and is not capable of. In his [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu article] on the [[CWCipedia]], he suggests that Nintendo pour their resources into developing a Pokéball peripheral that would have slots for every generation of Pokémon games, including a slot for the GameCube memory card. He expects users of this peripheral to be able to read party data from the inserted game/memory card, display a holographic image of the Pokémon in play, and challenge people in real life who own the same peripheral (in a manner much like on ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''). In addition, Chris has no idea how everyday machines such as [[Son-Chu|cars]] work, evidenced in how [[September 2014|he claimed]] that a 1997 Cadillac with a cracked engine block was a great "fixer upper." Normally, any serious physical damage to a car's engine can only be repaired by a very skilled mechanic, or cannot be repaired at all and one must buy a new engine (both of which are not cheap, but [[Chris and money|that's an entirely different problem]]).

==Chris and magic==
{{See also|Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|l1=Chris the Shaman}}

[[Image:ChrisFacebookCommentOnPsychicPowers.png|thumb|right|Chris believes he has psychic powers that can inflict harm on his enemies.]]
Through Chris's perception of [[God]] as an instrument of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the curse-ye-ha-me-ha, a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune upon the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse ([[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]]) on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref><ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref><ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris also believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred personal relic du jour - either the [[medallion]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]]. How these items came to be imbued with magical properties has not been addressed.

Chris also appears to believe that he can, to an extent, [[Sarah May Skype Logs|talk to the deceased]]. He told [[Sarah May]] that when he touched his dead [[Aunt Corrina]]'s hand, he could hear her spirit, along with the spirits of his grandparents and great-grandparents. He also claimed that [[GodJesus]] told him to "make the trip and go to Julie." It's unclear at this point whether these visions are the result of his mental problems or just an excuse for him to do what he wants to do by justifying his actions as the result of supernatural phenomena. He may have gotten the notion of hearing supernatural voices from psychics (in real life or more likely in the media), who claim to converse with the spirits of the dead. During his time masquerading as [[JenkinsJinkies]] on [[Trollin Train]], Chris hoped to dissuade trolls by claiming that his house was haunted, describing [[Trollin_Train#Hey.2C_the_Equipment_and_the_Digging_.28Thu_26_Aug_2010_5:12_AM.29|an alleged encounter]] with the vengeful ghosts of Patti and [[Christopher's name change|his younger self]]. Chris apparently believed that trolls would heed this threat.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied they were evidenced by Mary Lee Walsh's reputation going "DOWN":
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at PVCC went DOWN (yes, mostly due to my references in the pages), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[Wikipedia:Common Cold|life-threatening ailment.]]|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This gives Chris a belief of some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an immature defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Among the many issues faced by Chris in his perception of reality, his tendency towards conspiracy theorism is the one that has caused him the most trouble. Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his huge, cloying ego, and as such believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake, something to which neither he nor his parents take kindly.

As stated, Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor. Anyone who hinders Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "[[Virginia is for Virgins|make true love illegal]]," either in Virginia or nationwide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

Chris's tendencies towards these sorts of thoughts may spiral back to two people: [[Bob Chandler|Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. A phone call between his parents and [[Matthew Noble call|a GAMe PLACe employee]] revealed a number of things; most importantly, it illustrated that they believe Chris's entire trolling began as a conspiracy between [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], and a number of potential homosexuals to "terrorize", "torment", and "persecute" Chris for being autistic, going so far as to believe they broke into Chris's credit card account and tried to [[Chris and money|ruin his credit]]. Considering how readily and fervently these beliefs were held by his parents, it is sadly little wonder that Chris thinks the same way.

When Chris was active on the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum, he revealed that he shares his parents' insane beliefs about the GAMe PLACe's position in troll hierarchy. Most notably, he claimed that Michael Snyder was hiding a criminal scandal because the owner of the Place (as well as three other associated hobby stores) is a convicted sex offender. He also tried to argue that the store itself is in violation of the law, simply because it is close to a public school and owned by a sex offender who is never actually there. Ironically enough, acting like a sex offender is one of the many things that got Chris banned from the store in the first place. Chris would eventually accuse Michael Snyder himself of being a child molester, going as far as to accuse him of molesting his own daughter. In case you've forgotten, Snyder once chased Chris down after he (unintentionally) took candid photographs of the same daughter Chris accused him of molesting.

The most telling evidence of Chris's belief that anyone who doesn't agree with him is a 'damn dirty troll' is the case of his [[white knights]]. Despite their attempts to offer constructive critique on his [[Chris and art|art]], warn Chris of [[Julie|potential trolling attempts]] and even plead with him to seek help, they have all fallen on deaf ears. There have even been cases where [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Father Call|themselves]] [[Alec Benson Leary|would]] respectfully point out what Chris is doing wrong in life. However, as is the rule with Chris, these people were not telling him what he wanted to hear and were thusly ignored.

==Descent into Madness==
As time has gone on, it has become evident from his Facebook posting habits that Chris's already-tenuous grasp of reality has continued to slacken further and further - getting to the point that it has alienated even his closest supporters.

Particularly troubling are his October 2013 rants on [[Facebook]] about how [[Megan]]'s fictitious character Megagi La Skunk has talked to him and told him that she (Megan, but by extension Megagi) should never have been born. Chris claimed that Megan is at the core of a massive conspiracy with [[The GAMe PLACe]] to ruin his life, and has cursed her and [[Women's rights|stripped her]] of her [[Sailor Megtune]] powers. He demands that she apologize to him and effectively fix his entire life if she wishes to be uncursed, closing by stating that he and his father's ghost will get revenge if she does not comply.

There are many things deeply concerning about this tirade, but the most troubling is that Chris did it with literally no impetus whatsoever from any of the [[trolls]], nor any reason to suspect Megan would behave this way. This paranoid, insane notion was contrived entirely by Chris - likely with some parental input - and can only be described as complete lunacy.

In the autumn of [[2014]], Chris received a [[Un-clit|piercing to his perineum]] in an effort to make it resemble a [[china]]. Despite becoming infected in [[December 2014]], he simply had it pierced again. While an unfazed Chris was persuaded to have this piercing removed too, he remained deeply interested in becoming a woman by unorthodox means, much to the worry of onlookers. Eventually, he removed the piercing. How Chris's next attempt at womanhood will manifest itself is anybody's guess, but in the wake of the un-clit, one can only fear [[Cakefarts|the worst]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV

2015-06-24T19:12:28Z

Ferrum: /* History */ Removed dead link.

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]] was a video leaked on 8 [[August 2010]]. In the video we see Chris, standing in the bathroom at his local Goodwill with what appears to be his ''[[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]]'' [[Chris and fashion|shirt]] on his head.

==History==
In [[May 2010]], Chris attempted to join the [[CWCki]] as "[[JenkinsJinkies]]". After he wrote the bizarre [[Coffee Place]] article, he was fooled into thinking he'd become a legendary [[troll]] and invited to join the "[[The Miscreants|inner circle]]" at [[Trollin Train]]. As part of the application process, he was required to make a video stating why he hated Chris, mention some nefarious trollings he'd done, and pledge allegiance to Clyde Cash.

It should be noted that Chris apparently thought that doing his [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]] impression (in lieu of digital distortion, as per the example video) and putting a shirt on his head would be enough to convince trolls that he was a fourteen-year-old boy.

{{Infobox/video
| name = JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|L8L0g7ESIU4}}
| stardate = 8 [[August 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[6 June 2010]]
| next = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
}}

{{quote|I've performed my own voice-check with my DSi's Voice-Recording Program; I've found the best method to completely change my voice is to go deep, and also pucker my lips while I spoke. It really worked.|[[Jackie_E-mails_5|Chris on the making of this video.]]}}

==Transcript==
[''Disguised voice'']

To- For [[Clyde Cash]], and for everybody else on the [[CWCki|CWC-kii]]... I hate Christian Weston Chandler because...he is a lazy slob, [[Monthly tugboat|the money]] is wasted on him, he doesn't have to work for his money, damn that- damn him! And also, he is not friendly to us [[JERKS|males]]! He should be friendly to us males. It makes me- it really ticks me OFF. [''Grunt.'']

[''A PA announcement is heard in the background.''] Anyway, I have been trolling him... I sent him nice e-mails in the beginning when I started reading in- reading [[Sonichu (comic)|the comics]]...and, uh, then he did not reply, so then I sent him a bunch of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]], and then I pretended to be...you know, a whole bunch of other companies like that and such; (rushed) obviously he deleted my emails, but that's beside the point. Anyway, [''raises right hand''] I pledge my allegiance to Clyde Cash [''lowers hand''] and everybody else at the CWCki of getting the information on Christian Weston Chandler.

I'm sorry I have been taking so long in doing this, but I was just getting settled in, into my new home across the street from his house. Black sheep of the family. They live in that house and they promise not to tell my family back up in Boston. But of course, you know also, I ha- I have, uh, trolled him, I found him over at the [[Burger King]] on the way back to Boston from South Virginia. As I have created [[Chris and his ego|the famous]] [[Coffee Place|Burger King page]].

Thanks very much; Clyde Cash, you rule.

[''walks offscreen'']

{{LeakedVideos}}

Time Void

2015-06-11T13:45:12Z

Ferrum: /* Impact */

[[Image:TimeVoid.jpg|center| OH GOD. I CAN SEE FOREVER! 8U]]

{{quote|He who fights with [[Trolls|monsters]] should look to it that he himself does not become a [[Sonichu|monster]]. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.|[[Wikipedia:Friedrich Nietzsche|Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''[[Wikipedia:Beyond Good and Evil|Beyond Good and Evil]]''}}

[[Image:CWCVoid02.jpg|thumb|Chris, being flung down the taut cavity of time.]]

The '''Time Void''' (also known as the Void of Time, [[Little Pig Blanket]], or the [[PSN#PlayStation Network|Playstation Network]]) is a plot device in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' canon]], devised by [[Chris]] as a method of stepping out of the comics.

==Gotta go back in time==
Chris, actually acknowledging the criticisms from [[trolls|fans]] that the ''Sonichu'' comic had become focused more on Chris and his [[Love Quest]] and less on the titular character who zaps to the extreme, decided to send his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic persona]] into a Time Void.
{{quote|In space, no one can hear you scream, in time you are heard to infinity..."|Inspirational comments by our autistic hero during CWC's ''time-out'' in the Void}}

'''Time Hogs'''

[[Image:CWCVoid01.jpg|thumb|Trippin' balls ''through time'']]

Enter [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - Two of the Sonichu Balls are activated during an adventure through the time stream which disrupts [[Magi-Chan]]'s shield, and exiles Chris from time. Sonichu and Magi-Chan realize Captain [[Chris and Fashion|Clownshirt]] is missing, but don't have any significant solutions to help him. Christian, meanwhile, attempts to sound sincere and empathetic while prattling on with his falsely-remorseful soliloquy in the Time Void. Narration reveals that the Void was in fact [[God]]'s "''twist of fate that would force me into a long, emotional, forced, stressful hiatus''"<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]</ref>

[[Image:CWCVoid03.jpg|thumb|Christian straining himself while attempting to decipher how other people's feelings are affected by his actions]]

==Wait, haven't I seen this before?==

A stripe-shirted goldbricker taken out of the storyline? It sounds familiar because ''it is''! This is essentially the same scenario as [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[Dark Mirror Hole]], and the fate of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]]. The difference in this situation is that, despite being stranded between time, Chris is able to deliver endless [[Autism|neurotic]] thought bubbles and has the ability to absorb the Sonichu balls (with an unknown result).

In appearance, the Void also shares a common design with the Dark Mirror Hole: a solid marker color. The Time Void gets a little more page space, but that's expected in order to fit all the words coming out of the autistic warrior's TRUE and HONEST mind.

==Impact==

Christian didn't quite leave the pages of his comic so quickly, and popped up in a backseat role:
* He attacks 4-cent_garbage.com employees during the [[Sonichu 8#The_Elevator_Gags|Elevator Gags of ''Sonichu'' #8]]
* He also appears through the [[Sonichu 9|power of GOD]] to seduce Ivy during [[Dating education|Date Ed]].

Note that these are simply self-indulgent cameos for the author. The Ivy encounter ''was'' intended to further the Love Quest sub-plot turned major story arc, although it's unlikely this will be revisited due to her [[Ivy#Epilogue|demise]].

[[Image:CWCLogo.png|left|Two 'C' quarters plus a 'W' quarter are equal to one full Dumbass]]

'''CWCVille at Large'''

[[Allison Amber]] acts as the Vice-Mayor, and carries out all of the mayoral duties of CWCville while Christian is ''persona in absentia''. Readers are not informed towards any civic news under Ms. Amber's tenure.

{{clear}}

[[Image:GiggitySchu.png|left|"Too bad the regular size ones break easily on my 7-incher"]]
'''The [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)|Hedgehog Boys]] (and Girls)''' 
Chris is basically forgotten by the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon so that they can focus on sex and dating. In addition, the fight sequences in Christian's absence no longer showcase the Jerkops. The presence of the Creator, however, is still conveyed even without an active role as he has his pussy whipped titular character ramble on with an incoherent bigoted screed in [[Sonichu 9#Episode 20|Episode 20]]. In other words, Sonichu goes back to serving as a Mary Sue proxy for Chris.
{{clear}}

==Return from the Void==
[[Image:NextBookVoid.jpg|center|*Sound of crickets chirping*]]
<div align="center">''Sure, whatever you say.''</div>

Chris explains that he returned from the Different Dimension on 08 [[August 2008]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Billy_mays Billy Mays article on CWCipedia]</ref> - but this doesn't make sense ('''SURPRISE!''') since it would mean he has been back in CWCVille, as mayor, for at least a year. It was previously hinted that CWC would be returning for the end of "first season" (For [[Sonichu 9]]), and is still featured as Chris-Chan Sonichu in the preview for [[Sonichu_10|Issue 10]].

The question remains, "How does he escape the Time Void?".

{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and a transformation later...|Chris pulling himself out of the Void for no real reason}}

In an anti-climatic move and almost as an after-thought, Chris pulls himself out of the Void with the help of [[Magi-Chan]], [[Wild Sonichu]] and his vine whip power. During the epilogue, both Pokémon just happen to walk nearby the void, which appears right out of the blue, and they decide to rescue their "Master". Magi-Chan uses Wild Sonichu's whip as a safety cord and jumps in the Time Void's [[dirty crapped briefs|loose "Sphincter"]]. After many unexplained adventures lasting less than a whole minute, Chris is finally released from the grip of the Time Void's bowels.<ref>[[Sonichu 9|Sonichu Issue 9]]</ref> This page is followed by another claiming that, from now on, he will be able to tell more stories of ([[Chris and his Ego|himself and]]) Sonichu and Rosechu.

'''...Wait, there's more!'''
{{quote|She mistook me for myself and we went home. I was late getting home from work that night, so Lovely and I did the do and it was awesome!|Chris lying to his own wife in the future for a shag.}}

As if this wasn't enough, Chris seems to have exited the Time Void, by himself, in 2015. Over there, he took part of a "Medical Study". We are sure that said research wasn't in the field of behavioral studies or psycho-pathologies, since Chris came back just as twisted as when he left. When he was on the future, he lied to his own future wife, the "Lovely and Hot" [[Lovely Weather]] (an unfortunate woman with an equally unfortunate name) by passing himself for his own Future-Self. Hidden behind this lie, he seduced her and had sexual intercourse with her. Unaware of the [[rape|ethical issues]] related to lying to his own future wife for sex, he merely called it awesome.<ref>[[Sonichu 10]]</ref>

In short: Chris was stuck in the Time Void except for raping his future wife behind the back of his own future-self or punching an employee of 4-Cent_garbage for making a caricature of him.

==See also==
*[[Dark Mirror Hole]]

==References==
<references />
{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:34:54Z

Ferrum:

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].
{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

== The Brochure ==
Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Christian Weston Chandler|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a backwards, redneck cesspool. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where [[Chris and reality|he thinks]] he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no whitetrash suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:34:34Z

Ferrum:

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

== The Brochure ==
Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Christian Weston Chandler|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a backwards, redneck cesspool. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where [[Chris and reality|he thinks]] he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no whitetrash suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:34:07Z

Ferrum:

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:33:41Z

Ferrum: Undo revision 186523 by Ferrum (talk)

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

== The Brochure ==
Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Christian Weston Chandler|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a backwards, redneck cesspool. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where [[Chris and reality|he thinks]] he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no whitetrash suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:33:10Z

Ferrum: Undo revision 186522 by Ferrum (talk)

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

'''The Brochure'''

Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Christian Weston Chandler|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a backwards, redneck cesspool. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where [[Chris and reality|he thinks]] he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no whitetrash suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:32:03Z

Ferrum:

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

== The Brochure ==
Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Christian Weston Chandler|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a backwards, redneck cesspool. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where [[Chris and reality|he thinks]] he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no whitetrash suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Ruckersville, VA

2015-06-01T08:30:35Z

Ferrum: /* The Brochure */

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

'''The Brochure'''

Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Christian Weston Chandler|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a backwards, redneck cesspool. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where [[Chris and reality|he thinks]] he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no whitetrash suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Cwc's Adult Chronicles

2015-06-01T08:17:37Z

Ferrum: Redirected page to Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles

#REDIRECT [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]

CWC's Adult Chronicles

2015-06-01T08:16:20Z

Ferrum: Redirected page to Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles

#REDIRECT [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]

Stress

2015-06-01T07:29:09Z

Ferrum: /* Things that give Chris stress */

[[Image:Stress.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in stressed mode.]]

{{quote|Stress hinders the emotions and physical abilities as swiftly as a bullet.|Chris, equating stress with [[Sonichu Special 4|being shot]].<ref name="IRC"/>}}

'''Stress''' is the bane of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s existence.

When pressed on his "high-functioning" [[autism]], Chris eventually learned that outside of [[high school]], he can't blame his shortcomings on autism. He discovered that "stress" works just as well. However, it's assumed that Chris could be confusing "stress" with [[Wikipedia:Depression (mood)|depression]] or anxiety, refusing to admit that he is in fact, unhappy with his current situation, as well as the fact that Chris has never experienced actual stress in his life apart from his consistent paranoia over getting [[trolls|trolled]]. He is, however, prescribed medicine for this "stress".

When under the effects of "stress", Chris typically posted videos without his [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] and talked in a more meek variation of his usual monotone speaking voice. It is during these periods of feeling "stressed" that Chris will opt to remove himself from the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] for about a week or so, and then come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and given a new resolve to finish the [[Love Quest]]. This is most likely due to his autistic regenerative abilities that make sure that [[Heart level|his heart]] never goes below 0% and into the negatives.

In August 2013, Chris indicated through Facebook that his stress is beginning to take a toll on his health. Given his rather [[Chris and health|unhealthy]] [[Obesity|lifestyle]], it's not unlikely.

==Stress fact==
===Things that give Chris stress===
* Bullies.<ref name="IRC" />
* [[Trolls]]
* People at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>
* [[Pickle]]s
* The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* [[Niggos]]
* [[Wendy's|Getting a job]]
* Anything requiring him to leave the [[Chris's house|house]]
* [[Chores]]<ref name="IRC" />
* The existence of [[ED|webpages]] [[CWCki|outlining]] his many failures
* [[Boyfriend-free girl|Asking girls to go out with him]]
* [[Autistic|His "mental block" of autism]]
* [[Chris and his Ego|Talking to anyone about anything except himself]]
* Being told things he doesn't like to hear
* Having drawings of him finger-banging [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] confused with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]
* [[Jimmy Hill|Copyright Issues]]
* [[Homos|Homosexuality]]
* His daily struggle against becoming homosexual
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu|His characters being accused of homosexuality]]
* [[Blanca|Finding out his Internet girlfriend broke up with him because of the Pickle Man]]<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008]]</ref>
* [[PandaHalo|Finding out his Internet girlfriend died in a brushfire]]
* [[Sarah Jackson|Finding out his Internet girlfriend was killed by Optimus Prime in a tragic car accident]]
* [[Julie|Finding out his Internet girlfriend is a thirteen-year-old boy]]
* [[Ivy|Finding out his Internet girlfriend doesn't exist]]
* [[Kacey|Finding out his Internet girlfriend is marrying someone else]]
* [[Jackie|Finding out his Internet girlfriend will not give him china if he doesn't act like a normal person]]
* People [[Chris and death|dying]]<ref name="IRC"/>
* Finding out that [[Emily|his date]] was a mole working for the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* Being famous<ref name="IRC20081231">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref>
* Being [[Asperchu|parodied]]
* Being confronted by [[Kacey| his sweetheart's]] [[Father Call|Father]]
* [[Chris and his Ego|Criticism (constructive or otherwise)]]
* Being [[friend zone|friend zoned]]
* Having someone [[Liquid Chris|pretend to be him]]
* Having his identity [[Ian Brandon Anderson|questioned]]
* [[Megan|His hormones]]<ref>[[Megan E-mails#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Megan E-mails]]</ref>
* Being [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from [[The GAMe PLACe]]
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|Trying to get unbanned from The GAMe PLACe]]
* Being [[Father Call|cal]][[28 October 2011|led]] a child
* Back when [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was still alive, his willingness to call Chris out on his bullshit, and his rare hand-washing (but living a [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|Superfund]] site is perfectly ok)<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref> <ref name="IRC20081231"/>
* Whenever [[Sega]] changes the color of [[Sonic]]'s arms
* Anything slightly inconvenient
* Anything that [[autism]] isn't an excuse for
* Anything that stress isn't an excuse for

===Things that relieve Chris's stress===
* [[Mass debating]]<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#I am perverted]]</ref>
* Having a [[sweetheart]] resetting his [[biological clock]]
* The prospect of having a "[[Hanky-panky|sex time]]"
* Playing [[vidya]]
* Hiring prostitutes<ref>[[April 2012]]</ref>

===Things that Chris does when stressed===
[[File:Schu11Placeholder.jpg|thumb|One of the more common symptoms of stress]]
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Shits himself]]
* Cries
* Becomes less/more productive than usual
* Rages about his "pitiful adult life" in [[YouTube]] videos
* Rages at his [[Mailbag|mailers]]
* Sends [[death threats]]
* Abuses his [[PSEye|cameras]]
* Crashes Into Slumber <ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly homophobic<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly [[Chris and race|racist]]<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref><ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>
* [[Stress sigh|Sighs excessively]]
* Suffers from [[Muscle bra|memory loss]]
* Draws hideous hardcore pornography of his friends and fursonas<ref>[[Mailbag 42#It's called an art style|Mailbag #42]]</ref>
* [[Alcohol|Drinks]]
* [[6 June 2010|Attempts]] [[28 October 2011|vehicular homicide]]
* Considers suicide<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

==References==
<references />
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Stress

2015-06-01T07:28:12Z

Ferrum: /* Things that give Chris stress */ Adding a link to the article about Chris's house

[[Image:Stress.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in stressed mode.]]

{{quote|Stress hinders the emotions and physical abilities as swiftly as a bullet.|Chris, equating stress with [[Sonichu Special 4|being shot]].<ref name="IRC"/>}}

'''Stress''' is the bane of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s existence.

When pressed on his "high-functioning" [[autism]], Chris eventually learned that outside of [[high school]], he can't blame his shortcomings on autism. He discovered that "stress" works just as well. However, it's assumed that Chris could be confusing "stress" with [[Wikipedia:Depression (mood)|depression]] or anxiety, refusing to admit that he is in fact, unhappy with his current situation, as well as the fact that Chris has never experienced actual stress in his life apart from his consistent paranoia over getting [[trolls|trolled]]. He is, however, prescribed medicine for this "stress".

When under the effects of "stress", Chris typically posted videos without his [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] and talked in a more meek variation of his usual monotone speaking voice. It is during these periods of feeling "stressed" that Chris will opt to remove himself from the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] for about a week or so, and then come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and given a new resolve to finish the [[Love Quest]]. This is most likely due to his autistic regenerative abilities that make sure that [[Heart level|his heart]] never goes below 0% and into the negatives.

In August 2013, Chris indicated through Facebook that his stress is beginning to take a toll on his health. Given his rather [[Chris and health|unhealthy]] [[Obesity|lifestyle]], it's not unlikely.

==Stress fact==
===Things that give Chris stress===
* Bullies.<ref name="IRC" />
* [[Trolls]]
* People at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>
* [[Pickle]]s
* The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* [[Niggos]]
* [[Wendy's|Getting a job]]
* Anything requiring him to leave the [[Chris's house|house]]
* [[Chores]]<ref name="IRC" />
* The existence of [[ED|webpages]] [[CWCki|outlining]] his many failures
* [[Boyfriend-free girl|Asking girls to go out with him]]
* [[Autistic|His "mental block" of autism]]
* [[Chris and his Ego|Talking to anyone about anything except himself]]
* Being told things he doesn't like to hear
* Having drawings of him finger-banging [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] confused with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]
* [[Jimmy Hill|Copyright Issues]]
* [[Homos|Homosexuality]]
* His daily struggle against becoming [[homos|homosexual]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu|His characters being accused of homosexuality]]
* [[Blanca|Finding out his Internet girlfriend broke up with him because of the Pickle Man]]<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008]]</ref>
* [[PandaHalo|Finding out his Internet girlfriend died in a brushfire]]
* [[Sarah Jackson|Finding out his Internet girlfriend was killed by Optimus Prime in a tragic car accident]]
* [[Julie|Finding out his Internet girlfriend is a thirteen-year-old boy]]
* [[Ivy|Finding out his Internet girlfriend doesn't exist]]
* [[Kacey|Finding out his Internet girlfriend is marrying someone else]]
* [[Jackie|Finding out his Internet girlfriend will not give him china if he doesn't act like a normal person]]
* People [[Chris and death|dying]]<ref name="IRC"/>
* Finding out that [[Emily|his date]] was a mole working for the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* Being famous<ref name="IRC20081231">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref>
* Being [[Asperchu|parodied]]
* Being confronted by [[Kacey| his sweetheart's]] [[Father Call|Father]]
* [[Chris and his Ego|Criticism (constructive or otherwise)]]
* Being [[friend zone|friend zoned]]
* Having someone [[Liquid Chris|pretend to be him]]
* Having his identity [[Ian Brandon Anderson|questioned]]
* [[Megan|His hormones]]<ref>[[Megan E-mails#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Megan E-mails]]</ref>
* Being [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from [[The GAMe PLACe]]
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|Trying to get unbanned from The GAMe PLACe]]
* Being [[Father Call|cal]][[28 October 2011|led]] a child
* Back when [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was still alive, his willingness to call Chris out on his bullshit, and his rare hand-washing (but living a [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|Superfund]] site is perfectly ok)<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref> <ref name="IRC20081231"/>
* Whenever [[Sega]] changes the color of [[Sonic]]'s arms
* Anything slightly inconvenient
* Anything that [[autism]] isn't an excuse for
* Anything that stress isn't an excuse for

===Things that relieve Chris's stress===
* [[Mass debating]]<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#I am perverted]]</ref>
* Having a [[sweetheart]] resetting his [[biological clock]]
* The prospect of having a "[[Hanky-panky|sex time]]"
* Playing [[vidya]]
* Hiring prostitutes<ref>[[April 2012]]</ref>

===Things that Chris does when stressed===
[[File:Schu11Placeholder.jpg|thumb|One of the more common symptoms of stress]]
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Shits himself]]
* Cries
* Becomes less/more productive than usual
* Rages about his "pitiful adult life" in [[YouTube]] videos
* Rages at his [[Mailbag|mailers]]
* Sends [[death threats]]
* Abuses his [[PSEye|cameras]]
* Crashes Into Slumber <ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly homophobic<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly [[Chris and race|racist]]<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref><ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>
* [[Stress sigh|Sighs excessively]]
* Suffers from [[Muscle bra|memory loss]]
* Draws hideous hardcore pornography of his friends and fursonas<ref>[[Mailbag 42#It's called an art style|Mailbag #42]]</ref>
* [[Alcohol|Drinks]]
* [[6 June 2010|Attempts]] [[28 October 2011|vehicular homicide]]
* Considers suicide<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

==References==
<references />
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Sea men

2015-05-31T12:45:45Z

Ferrum: Redirected page to Semen

#REDIRECT [[Semen]]

Seamen

2015-05-31T09:52:37Z

Ferrum: Redirected page to Semen

#REDIRECT [[Semen]]

Seamen

2015-05-31T09:52:17Z

Ferrum: Created page with "# REDIRECT Semen"

# REDIRECT [[Semen]]

User:Ferrum

2015-05-31T09:45:58Z

Ferrum: Created page with "Hey bbys, my name's Ferrum. That's iron in the periodic table, by the way. Ferrum = Fe = Iron. Didn't know that? I'm disappointed in you."

Hey bbys, my name's Ferrum. That's iron in the periodic table, by the way. Ferrum = Fe = Iron. Didn't know that? I'm disappointed in you.

CWC Update 10 February 2009

2015-05-31T09:39:51Z

Ferrum: /* Video */

In "'''CWC Update 10 February 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update 02102009'''"), [[Chris]] shows off [[Chris's room|his bedroom floor]] in a bid to demonstrate to [[Clyde Cash]] that he has fulfilled his end of their agreement.

Chris then follows up by reading a letter from [[Nintendo]] of [[America]], responding to his private query about his negotiations with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and "revealing" that he had never been in correspondence with him at all.

==Description==
{{quotebox|At this point, you all of my True and Loyal [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[fanbase]] may return to pestering N.O.A. via Snail Mail to get in touch with Me, VIA Snail Mail ONLY (not accepting e-mails), when they Finally Decide to work with me OFFICIALLY in putting Sonichu and Rosechu, and myself, on the Video Game Scene.

Peace, Christian Weston Chandler.}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 10 February 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MyXRpujNqT0}}
| stardate = 10 [[February 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}, {{Julie|text}}
| shirt = {{DogShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 8 February 2009#Video|CWC Update 8 February 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May#Video|CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]
}}
{{quote|Ich bin schwul, Julie. Ich bin schwul.}}

=== Transcript ===

[''video opens with Chris filming his socked feet'']

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate: [[February 2009|February 10, 2009]].

[''starts tapping and shuffling left foot''] The reason why I have my camera aimed down at my ''feet''… is because… in respect to a promise… I am w-- I am wanting to ''keep''… I'm showing off the, uh, cleanliness of my [[room]], which I have just cleaned up. (Chris's definition of "clean" seems to be skewed, as there is noticeably still garbage and clothing strewn about his room)

[''films the floor at the foot of his bed''] For example, there's, uh… more ''walking space''.

[''films the floor on the far side of his bed''] Look right here. There's definitely space between that and the bed.

And you look over ''here''… [''films the path leading to his door''] more walking space… to the door! Plenty of space there.

[''films couch''] And I got that tub off the, uh, top of my… couch, so it don't fall down and hit anyone. I had to leave the stuff—''other'' stuff up there… but at least I didn't have to compromise much.

[''cut to a few bags sitting in Chris’s bathroom closet'']

I put the clutter I had and stuff into bags like ''these''… and put 'em in my bathroom closet. I got these bags for, like, a dime each when they were on clearance at my local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]].

[''cut to a normal shot of Chris, back in his room, sitting on his couch'']

But, also, uh, after talking about that and making… [''stutters unintelligibly and sighs''] Clyde know that I've kept my promise. [''inhales deeply'']

''Ich bin schwul'', [[Julie]]. ''Ich bin schwul.'' 
[Note: This is [[Molvanîa]]n for "I love you"… and German for "I am gay".]

Anyway, uh… ''second'' update: I have received in the mail today a letter from Nintendo of America… [''holds up and wags an envelope''] in response to the piece I sent in the snail mail. [''withdraws letter, tosses envelope, and unfolds letter'']

It come from… Mike Chandler, over there. ''No relation''… least as far as I ''know''. [''holds letter up for the camera'']

Anyway, it has pr—it has… tol—it has proven my th—my family and my congregation's as well as my ''own'' theories. I shall read it to you from beginning to end.

[[Image:NOALetterMikeChandler.jpg|thumb|right|The letter Chris reads from Mike Chandler (no relation).]]

It says here:

<blockquote>“Dear Christian, 

Thank you for your recent letter. I appreciate having this opportunity to be of assistance. 
Mr. [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] did not have a meeting scheduled with you, nor ha—hes—has he been corresponding with you. Mr. Mayamoto speaks and writes only very limited [[English]], and our game development teams do ''not'' accept unsolicited games, suggestions, or ideas. Although Mr. Miyamoto make… ''occasional'' business trips to the US, he spends the majority of his time in Japan at Nintendo's headquarters. 
Thanks again for writing, Christian. I hope this information is a helpful, and that you continue to enjoy Nintendo products. 

Sincerely, 
Nintendo of America, Inc. 
Mike Chandler 
Consumer Sers—Service Representative”</blockquote>

So… I was never in correspondence… with Mr. Mayamoto or [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|Reggie Fil-Aimés]] at all! ''They were [[trolls|impostors]].'' I had—I ha—I ''thought'' as—I ''thought'' as much. So… there it i—there it was. [''holds up letter''] [[Niggos|Black]] and white... from Nintendo of America. [''tosses letter'']

And that pre—that pretty—that pretty much, uh, is it for now on the updates. So, uh… for now, I bid you all a very pleasant day. Peace.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-02-10]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-10]]
[[Category:Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-02-10]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-02-10]]
[[Category:Julie saga videos| 2009-02-10]]

I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC

2015-05-31T09:33:29Z

Ferrum: /* Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43) */

"'''I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC'''" (officially "'''I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts'''") is a video uploaded on 26 [[2009#July|July 2009]] by Chris, in which he redefines the word [[Homos|gay]], showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].

==Summary==
[[Image:I Am The TRUE, Original.jpg|thumb|240px|Chris shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]].]]

The video opens with Chris standing in his room, wearing his [[Chris and fashion#Wardrobe|red shirt with blue and gray stripes]], [[Pedo-Glasses]], [[Medallions of Fail#Mark 3|Sonichu medallion]] and his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Chris announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the [[It's UGH!|two videos]] of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Chris tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends ''[[Monty Python]]''.

From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Chris looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Chris [[Do Not Dis C Ville|is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville]]. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and [[YouTube]] video annotations. Speaking of which, this video is unique with regards to the sheer number of annotations Chris incorporates into it - Chris's videos usually don't have any annotations, even when he is raging. It is possible that the additional effort of writing annotations for videos causes Chris too much [[stress]], leading him to more or less abandon them after attempting to use them in this video.

Chris then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and displaying (allegedly) original art from the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] while providing commentary.
{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XxWDwHvksOM}}
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| maker = Chris
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
}}
{{quote|...and I did an awesome fuckin' job.}}

=== Transcript ===

====Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)====

Hi! [''points and waves finger''] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a [[Chris|big, fat thing]].

[''jump cut'']

[[It's UGH!|The... urkay to be gay sign, nnhg...]].

[''jump cut'']

When I first read the lyrics I was being [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmailed]] into doing this.

[''jump cut'']

I felt queasy [''dramatically removes glasses''] from the first time I looked at the very first line [''dramatically discards glasses''] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that ''it was originally done as a mockery''! ''A mockery'' by the damn Tomboy. ''A mockery''! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [''arms outstretched''] ''Monty Python's Flying Circus''! {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Random Access Humor|Really Stupid Flying Donkey]]}} So therefore when I was saying ''it's okay to be gaaay'' I was saying it's okay to be STUPID! Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. {{YoutubeAnnotation|Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!!<ref>Webster's primary [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay definition] of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"</ref>}} Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:ChrisAnnotations.jpg|thumb|This is why [[YouTube]] made annotations: so Chris can communicate the need for "[[Women's rights|liberated]] vag".]]

The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [''annotations: ''I AM [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!!!!!!!!!, I LOVE [[Ivy|NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS]]!!!!!, GIVE ME LIBERATED [[China|VAG]]!!!!! and MY [[Duck|DUCK]] HUNGERS FOR [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!] Would I even be doing this if I—

[''jump cut'']

And look at me. Do I look like [''shakes head in disagreement'']—'''no more of those stupid acquisition messages!'''

[''jump cut'']

Get it through your '''fucking'''... '''individual'''... '''damn'''... '''dirty'''... '''''SKULLS'''''! '''I'''... '''am'''... '''STRAIGHT!'''

[''jump cut'']

[[Do Not Dis C Ville|Do not diss me any more!]] Or you will further diss-''[[Speech impediment|s-ss]]'' [[CWCville]] and the city of [[Charlottesville]]!

====A history (1:44 to 4:11)====

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:issuezero.jpg|thumb|right|60px]]
But anyway, also, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking [[CChanSonichuCWC|imposter in brown]]! I am going to show you a history, [''produces a black folder with the cover picture from [[Sonichu 0]] on the cover, shakes his head like a smug, retarded tortoise, and raises the pitch of his voice considerably''] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?

[''jump cut to a close up of the Sonichu 0 cover'']

Ah yes, the infamous [''totally misunderstanding the meaning of the prefix -in''] classic hand-drawn cover of the ''Number 0'' book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.

[''jump cut to Chris's face poking out of the right side of the frame'']

My art [[Autism|speaks for me]]. Now let's look at some more.

[''jump cut'']

Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.

[[Image:SchuComicPage6.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]]'']

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqYkCJaBAyA Bad, bad Leeroy Brown.]

[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] kissing under some fireworks'']

Mine and the first romantic attempt,[regurgitating something his mother must have told him] and I did an awesome fuckin' job.

[[Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of the cover of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]]

Here's another one.

[''jump cut'']

And that corner tag came from an original "only for GameCube" title that was originally... a GameCube title but then later it expanded to other consoles. [''pulls picture down and pokes his head in from right''] Damn [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]].

[[Image:issueone.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''Sonichu 1]

"Chemical X?"
"No, cherry cola."

[[Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to an ad for some retarded Pokémon cards'']

A favorite classic ad.

[[Image:SchuComic2Page23.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a page from ''Sonichu 1]

Oh yeah, here comes a laugh:

"[[Random access humor|I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu]]~"

[''laughing like a deranged lunatic at a joke not humorous to anyone but him''] "Hahahahaha!"

[[Image:SchuComic2Page35.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from another page from ''Sonichu 1]

What's the difference between [[Amy Rose|Amy]] and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.

[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the [[Axe]] ad'']

Only for the [[Homos|straight]] man. Axe. He use the Orizon—Orion scent.

"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"

"Yeah I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!" [''OH HO! Funny, Chris. Ba-zing!'']

====A history (4:11 to 6:01)====

[[Image:SchuComic3Page23.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|a scene]] from the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] arc of ''[[Sonichu 2]]]

Anuh—And now something completely different. An ''Inuyasha'' parody... very good.

[[Image:Issue3.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a closeup of the [[Chaotic Combo]] on the cover of [[Sonichu 3]]'']

[''sings''] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?

[[Image:SchuComic4Pages5+7.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to two overlapping pages of ''Sonichu 3'': the introductions of [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]]'']

Here you are, two famous ladies.

[[Image:SchuComic4Page8.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of [[G.D.W. Shinabe]]'']

[''sings'']I'm Nabeshin. My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was [[Mypoe]] you dang, old dorks.

[[Image:SchuSubE4P11.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|"McAttack"]] featuring a replica of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] made of [[pixelblocks|Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]'']]

[''high-pitched, squeaky voice'']Oh, look! I made it from Legos and Pixelblocks. And, believe it or not, [[Pixelated PS3|I play "Thunderhorse"]]! ''[[Guitar Hero]]''!

[[Image:issue4.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''[[Sonichu 4]]]

I went. I fought. I eventually conquered with courage.

[''jump cut'']

[[Cwc dare|Heaven only knows what you might find. DARE. Dare to keep all your dreams alive!]]

[[Image:Crystal.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from ''[[Sub-Episode 7]]]

The twin sister I wish I had in real-life.

[[Image:SchuSubE7P10.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another scene from ''Sub-Episode 7]

Holy Vector Sigma, [[Optimus Prime]]!

[''jump cut'']

Where's Bumblebee when I need him?

[[Image:Chris blood.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from ''[[Sub-Episode 8]]]

Damn you, Bagget.

[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of ''[[Sonichu 5]]]

Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. [[Random Access Humor|Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?]]

[''jump cut'']

[''gay voice''] [[China|The hole of the ''queeeeen''?]]

[[Image:Sonichu05-P14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Chris-chan Sonichu plays ''Yu-Gi-Oh!]

CWCspells, activate! Pshoo!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P15.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the page opposite'']

''Annnnnnnnd'' CREATURE SWAP!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Megan|Sailor Megtune]] and her [[Megagi La Skunk]]'']

In the name of all hearts in the universe—

[''jump cut'']

—we shall punish you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P20.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Megagi La Skunk punches Chris-chan Sonichu in the head'']

[''makes a punch noise'']

[''jump cut'']

That hurt.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P30.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Mary Lee Walsh'']

Damn you, dirty witch. Damn you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P37.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the first page of ''Episode 13'': a group picture containing Chris-chan, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo'']

Welcome to CWCville. Let's get this party started.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P38.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the following page'']

Evil witch, I will avenge all hearts you have shattered (including myself), which you have done in October [[2003]].

[[Image:Sonichu05-P41.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another page with Megan and Megagi'']

[''sings''] Uuuhduhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhduhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh ala Tuxedo Kamen! Duhduhduhnuhnuh

====A history (6:02 to 9:34)====
[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 6]

[[Patti]], I miss you. [[Chris and Death|Come home]]. We'll go play catch. And dear [[Kitty Chandler|Kitty]] misses you, too... very much so. I love you.

[''jump cut to image of Allison Amber from ''Sonichu 6]

Miss [[Allison Amber]] has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the [[time void|alternate dimension]]. [[Billy Mays]] was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and body-double. Shave off his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|beard]], we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [''sings''] ''Home Improvement''! ''Home Improvement''! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]

[''jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays'']

Come on back, Billy Mays, and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!

[''jump cut to image of [[Bionic]] from ''Sonichu 6]

[[Bionic|Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star?]] [''sings'']

:You're a shooting star,
:No matter where you are,
:As far as the eye can see,
:No matter who you be.

Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. [[Chris and his ego|Nobody else]] could ever had the experience those individuals have.

[''jump cut to image of [[Megan]] and Chris from [[Sonichu 7]]'']

Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!

[''jump cut to Chris'']

...And for that matter, [[The Game Place|Michael Snyder]], WHY?! [''annotation: ''Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.]

[''jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from ''Sonichu 7]
[''Peter Griffin laugh''] Before time travel back, I got to visit the Ghostbusters' house. [''more Peter Griffin laugh'']

[''jump cut to image of [[Kellie Andes]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Kellie, [[lie|I hope you are happy in your married life.]]

[''jump cut to image of [[Joseph Herring]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.

[''jump cut to ''Beavis and Butt-head'' ripoff from ''Sonichu 7]

[''Beavis voice''] Check it out, Butt-head. Somebody left their locker open.

[''terrible Butt-head impression''] Let's close it for them. BAAAM! Who wants to make love today? [''high-pitched girl voice''] Oh, we do! We do teacher! Alright. April, Lorry, Susan... ''Simoooooone''....

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from ''Sonichu 7]

I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Sonee. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [''annotation: ''March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!] married March 17th, 2006 at [[Angelica]]'s church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two [[Rosey]]s and a [[Sonee]]. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!

[''jump cut to drawing of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'']

[''[[Chris and music|sings]]''] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!

[''jump cut to cover of [[Sonichu 8]]'' ]

Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get [[Chris's Big Night Out|drunk]]. Woo!

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of an American flag from ''Sonichu 8]

We, the electric hedgehogs and everybody in the city of CWCville as a [[C-ville]] within the state of Virginia, stand firm and strong as proud citizens of these United States that everybody have [[Twin Falling Towers|fought so hard for the freedom of.]]

[''jump cut to image of Rosechu from ''Sonichu 8]

WE HAVE VAGINAS, DUMBASSES!

[''jump cut to "Knothole" ad from ''Sonichu 8]

[[Parody|KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!]]

[''jump cut to image of Blake and Bubbles from ''Sonichu 8]

Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4, 2009 [''annotation: ''July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [''cackles''] [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|TONIGHT]]!

[''jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from ''Sonichu 8]

...leaving hundreds injured. For [[Excel Saga|Rikdo FQX]], I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!

[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 9]
Workin' on it! [''annotation: ''Workin' On It]

====One final tidbit (9:34 - 9:55)====
And now for one final tidbit a spit of retribution against Howard the fiend {{YoutubeAnnotation|What The Hells Were You Thinkin' With That Damn, Dirty Pickle Suit, Brine-Headed Nerd?}} from the cult of [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle-suited fiends]]. Divine retribution for that day you stole [[Emily]], [''gives the finger''] you damn watchman.

[''jump cut to picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Howard and a hedgehog'']

[''sings''] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?

==Sources and notes==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|nextlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-26]]

I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC

2015-05-31T09:31:53Z

Ferrum: /* Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43) */

"'''I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC'''" (officially "'''I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts'''") is a video uploaded on 26 [[2009#July|July 2009]] by Chris, in which he redefines the word [[Homos|gay]], showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].

==Summary==
[[Image:I Am The TRUE, Original.jpg|thumb|240px|Chris shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]].]]

The video opens with Chris standing in his room, wearing his [[Chris and fashion#Wardrobe|red shirt with blue and gray stripes]], [[Pedo-Glasses]], [[Medallions of Fail#Mark 3|Sonichu medallion]] and his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Chris announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the [[It's UGH!|two videos]] of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Chris tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends ''[[Monty Python]]''.

From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Chris looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Chris [[Do Not Dis C Ville|is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville]]. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and [[YouTube]] video annotations. Speaking of which, this video is unique with regards to the sheer number of annotations Chris incorporates into it - Chris's videos usually don't have any annotations, even when he is raging. It is possible that the additional effort of writing annotations for videos causes Chris too much [[stress]], leading him to more or less abandon them after attempting to use them in this video.

Chris then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and displaying (allegedly) original art from the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] while providing commentary.
{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XxWDwHvksOM}}
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| maker = Chris
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
}}
{{quote|...and I did an awesome fuckin' job.}}

=== Transcript ===

====Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)====

Hi! [''points and waves finger''] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a [[Chris|big, fat thing]].

[''jump cut'']

[[It's UGH!|The... urkay to be gay sign, nnhg...]].

[''jump cut'']

When I first read the lyrics I was being [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmailed]] into doing this.

[''jump cut'']

I felt queasy [''dramatically removes glasses''] from the first time I looked at the very first line [''dramatically discards glasses''] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that ''it was originally done as a mockery''! ''A mockery'' by the damn Tomboy. ''A mockery''! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [''arms outstretched''] ''Monty Python's Flying Circus''! {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Random Access Humor|Really Stupid Flying Donkey]]}} So therefore when I was saying ''it's okay to be gaaay'' I was saying it's okay to be STUPID! Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. {{YoutubeAnnotation|Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!!<ref>Webster's primary [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay definition] of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"</ref>}} Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:ChrisAnnotations.jpg|thumb|This is why [[YouTube]] made annotations: so Chris can communicate the need for "[[Women's rights|liberated]] vag".]]

The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [''annotations: ''I AM [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!!!!!!!!!, I LOVE [[Ivy|NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS]]!!!!!, GIVE ME LIBERATED [[China|VAG]]!!!!! and MY [[Duck|DUCK]] HUNGERS FOR [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!] Would I even be doing this if I—

[''jump cut'']

And look at me. Do I look like [''shakes head in disagreement'']—'''no more of those stupid acquisition messages!'''

[''jump cut'']

Get it through your '''fucking'''... '''individual'''... '''damn'''... '''dirty'''... '''''SKULLS'''''! '''I'''... '''am'''... '''STRAIGHT!'''

[''jump cut'']

[[Do Not Dis C Ville|Do not diss me any more!]] Or you will further diss-''s-ss'' [[CWCville]] and the city of [[Charlottesville]]!

====A history (1:44 to 4:11)====

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:issuezero.jpg|thumb|right|60px]]
But anyway, also, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking [[CChanSonichuCWC|imposter in brown]]! I am going to show you a history, [''produces a black folder with the cover picture from [[Sonichu 0]] on the cover, shakes his head like a smug, retarded tortoise, and raises the pitch of his voice considerably''] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?

[''jump cut to a close up of the Sonichu 0 cover'']

Ah yes, the infamous [''totally misunderstanding the meaning of the prefix -in''] classic hand-drawn cover of the ''Number 0'' book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.

[''jump cut to Chris's face poking out of the right side of the frame'']

My art [[Autism|speaks for me]]. Now let's look at some more.

[''jump cut'']

Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.

[[Image:SchuComicPage6.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]]'']

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqYkCJaBAyA Bad, bad Leeroy Brown.]

[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] kissing under some fireworks'']

Mine and the first romantic attempt,[regurgitating something his mother must have told him] and I did an awesome fuckin' job.

[[Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of the cover of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]]

Here's another one.

[''jump cut'']

And that corner tag came from an original "only for GameCube" title that was originally... a GameCube title but then later it expanded to other consoles. [''pulls picture down and pokes his head in from right''] Damn [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]].

[[Image:issueone.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''Sonichu 1]

"Chemical X?"
"No, cherry cola."

[[Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to an ad for some retarded Pokémon cards'']

A favorite classic ad.

[[Image:SchuComic2Page23.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a page from ''Sonichu 1]

Oh yeah, here comes a laugh:

"[[Random access humor|I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu]]~"

[''laughing like a deranged lunatic at a joke not humorous to anyone but him''] "Hahahahaha!"

[[Image:SchuComic2Page35.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from another page from ''Sonichu 1]

What's the difference between [[Amy Rose|Amy]] and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.

[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the [[Axe]] ad'']

Only for the [[Homos|straight]] man. Axe. He use the Orizon—Orion scent.

"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"

"Yeah I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!" [''OH HO! Funny, Chris. Ba-zing!'']

====A history (4:11 to 6:01)====

[[Image:SchuComic3Page23.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|a scene]] from the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] arc of ''[[Sonichu 2]]]

Anuh—And now something completely different. An ''Inuyasha'' parody... very good.

[[Image:Issue3.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a closeup of the [[Chaotic Combo]] on the cover of [[Sonichu 3]]'']

[''sings''] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?

[[Image:SchuComic4Pages5+7.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to two overlapping pages of ''Sonichu 3'': the introductions of [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]]'']

Here you are, two famous ladies.

[[Image:SchuComic4Page8.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of [[G.D.W. Shinabe]]'']

[''sings'']I'm Nabeshin. My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was [[Mypoe]] you dang, old dorks.

[[Image:SchuSubE4P11.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|"McAttack"]] featuring a replica of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] made of [[pixelblocks|Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]'']]

[''high-pitched, squeaky voice'']Oh, look! I made it from Legos and Pixelblocks. And, believe it or not, [[Pixelated PS3|I play "Thunderhorse"]]! ''[[Guitar Hero]]''!

[[Image:issue4.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''[[Sonichu 4]]]

I went. I fought. I eventually conquered with courage.

[''jump cut'']

[[Cwc dare|Heaven only knows what you might find. DARE. Dare to keep all your dreams alive!]]

[[Image:Crystal.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from ''[[Sub-Episode 7]]]

The twin sister I wish I had in real-life.

[[Image:SchuSubE7P10.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another scene from ''Sub-Episode 7]

Holy Vector Sigma, [[Optimus Prime]]!

[''jump cut'']

Where's Bumblebee when I need him?

[[Image:Chris blood.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from ''[[Sub-Episode 8]]]

Damn you, Bagget.

[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of ''[[Sonichu 5]]]

Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. [[Random Access Humor|Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?]]

[''jump cut'']

[''gay voice''] [[China|The hole of the ''queeeeen''?]]

[[Image:Sonichu05-P14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Chris-chan Sonichu plays ''Yu-Gi-Oh!]

CWCspells, activate! Pshoo!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P15.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the page opposite'']

''Annnnnnnnd'' CREATURE SWAP!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Megan|Sailor Megtune]] and her [[Megagi La Skunk]]'']

In the name of all hearts in the universe—

[''jump cut'']

—we shall punish you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P20.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Megagi La Skunk punches Chris-chan Sonichu in the head'']

[''makes a punch noise'']

[''jump cut'']

That hurt.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P30.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Mary Lee Walsh'']

Damn you, dirty witch. Damn you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P37.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the first page of ''Episode 13'': a group picture containing Chris-chan, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo'']

Welcome to CWCville. Let's get this party started.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P38.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the following page'']

Evil witch, I will avenge all hearts you have shattered (including myself), which you have done in October [[2003]].

[[Image:Sonichu05-P41.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another page with Megan and Megagi'']

[''sings''] Uuuhduhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhduhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh ala Tuxedo Kamen! Duhduhduhnuhnuh

====A history (6:02 to 9:34)====
[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 6]

[[Patti]], I miss you. [[Chris and Death|Come home]]. We'll go play catch. And dear [[Kitty Chandler|Kitty]] misses you, too... very much so. I love you.

[''jump cut to image of Allison Amber from ''Sonichu 6]

Miss [[Allison Amber]] has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the [[time void|alternate dimension]]. [[Billy Mays]] was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and body-double. Shave off his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|beard]], we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [''sings''] ''Home Improvement''! ''Home Improvement''! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]

[''jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays'']

Come on back, Billy Mays, and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!

[''jump cut to image of [[Bionic]] from ''Sonichu 6]

[[Bionic|Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star?]] [''sings'']

:You're a shooting star,
:No matter where you are,
:As far as the eye can see,
:No matter who you be.

Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. [[Chris and his ego|Nobody else]] could ever had the experience those individuals have.

[''jump cut to image of [[Megan]] and Chris from [[Sonichu 7]]'']

Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!

[''jump cut to Chris'']

...And for that matter, [[The Game Place|Michael Snyder]], WHY?! [''annotation: ''Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.]

[''jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from ''Sonichu 7]
[''Peter Griffin laugh''] Before time travel back, I got to visit the Ghostbusters' house. [''more Peter Griffin laugh'']

[''jump cut to image of [[Kellie Andes]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Kellie, [[lie|I hope you are happy in your married life.]]

[''jump cut to image of [[Joseph Herring]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.

[''jump cut to ''Beavis and Butt-head'' ripoff from ''Sonichu 7]

[''Beavis voice''] Check it out, Butt-head. Somebody left their locker open.

[''terrible Butt-head impression''] Let's close it for them. BAAAM! Who wants to make love today? [''high-pitched girl voice''] Oh, we do! We do teacher! Alright. April, Lorry, Susan... ''Simoooooone''....

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from ''Sonichu 7]

I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Sonee. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [''annotation: ''March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!] married March 17th, 2006 at [[Angelica]]'s church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two [[Rosey]]s and a [[Sonee]]. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!

[''jump cut to drawing of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'']

[''[[Chris and music|sings]]''] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!

[''jump cut to cover of [[Sonichu 8]]'' ]

Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get [[Chris's Big Night Out|drunk]]. Woo!

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of an American flag from ''Sonichu 8]

We, the electric hedgehogs and everybody in the city of CWCville as a [[C-ville]] within the state of Virginia, stand firm and strong as proud citizens of these United States that everybody have [[Twin Falling Towers|fought so hard for the freedom of.]]

[''jump cut to image of Rosechu from ''Sonichu 8]

WE HAVE VAGINAS, DUMBASSES!

[''jump cut to "Knothole" ad from ''Sonichu 8]

[[Parody|KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!]]

[''jump cut to image of Blake and Bubbles from ''Sonichu 8]

Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4, 2009 [''annotation: ''July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [''cackles''] [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|TONIGHT]]!

[''jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from ''Sonichu 8]

...leaving hundreds injured. For [[Excel Saga|Rikdo FQX]], I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!

[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 9]
Workin' on it! [''annotation: ''Workin' On It]

====One final tidbit (9:34 - 9:55)====
And now for one final tidbit a spit of retribution against Howard the fiend {{YoutubeAnnotation|What The Hells Were You Thinkin' With That Damn, Dirty Pickle Suit, Brine-Headed Nerd?}} from the cult of [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle-suited fiends]]. Divine retribution for that day you stole [[Emily]], [''gives the finger''] you damn watchman.

[''jump cut to picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Howard and a hedgehog'']

[''sings''] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?

==Sources and notes==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|nextlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-26]]

I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC

2015-05-31T09:30:50Z

Ferrum: /* Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43) */

"'''I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC'''" (officially "'''I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts'''") is a video uploaded on 26 [[2009#July|July 2009]] by Chris, in which he redefines the word [[Homos|gay]], showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].

==Summary==
[[Image:I Am The TRUE, Original.jpg|thumb|240px|Chris shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]].]]

The video opens with Chris standing in his room, wearing his [[Chris and fashion#Wardrobe|red shirt with blue and gray stripes]], [[Pedo-Glasses]], [[Medallions of Fail#Mark 3|Sonichu medallion]] and his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Chris announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the [[It's UGH!|two videos]] of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Chris tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends ''[[Monty Python]]''.

From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Chris looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Chris [[Do Not Dis C Ville|is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville]]. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and [[YouTube]] video annotations. Speaking of which, this video is unique with regards to the sheer number of annotations Chris incorporates into it - Chris's videos usually don't have any annotations, even when he is raging. It is possible that the additional effort of writing annotations for videos causes Chris too much [[stress]], leading him to more or less abandon them after attempting to use them in this video.

Chris then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and displaying (allegedly) original art from the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] while providing commentary.
{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XxWDwHvksOM}}
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| maker = Chris
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
}}
{{quote|...and I did an awesome fuckin' job.}}

=== Transcript ===

====Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)====

Hi! [''points and waves finger''] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a [[Chris|big, fat thing]].

[''jump cut'']

[[It's UGH!|The... urkay to be gay sign, nnhg...]].

[''jump cut'']

When I first read the lyrics I was being [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmailed]] into doing this.

[''jump cut'']

I felt queasy [''dramatically removes glasses''] from the first time I looked at the very first line [''dramatically discards glasses''] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that ''it was originally done as a mockery''! ''A mockery'' by the damn Tomboy. ''A mockery''! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [''arms outstretched''] ''Monty Python's Flying Circus''! {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Random Access Humor|Really Stupid Flying Donkey]]}} So therefore when I was saying ''it's okay to be gaaay'' I was saying it's okay to be STUPID! Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. {{YoutubeAnnotation|Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!!<ref>Webster's primary [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay definition] of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"</ref>}} Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:ChrisAnnotations.jpg|thumb|This is why [[YouTube]] made annotations: so Chris can communicate the need for "[[Women's rights|liberated]] vag".]]

The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [''annotations: ''I AM [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!!!!!!!!!, I LOVE [[Ivy|NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS]]!!!!!, GIVE ME LIBERATED [[China|VAG]]!!!!! and MY [[Duck|DUCK]] HUNGERS FOR [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!] Would I even be doing this if I—

[''jump cut'']

And look at me. Do I look like [''shakes head in disagreement'']—'''no more of those stupid acquisition messages!'''

[''jump cut'']

Get it through your '''fucking'''... '''individual'''... '''damn'''... '''dirty'''... '''''SKULLS'''''! '''I'''... '''am'''... '''STRAIGHT!'''

[''jump cut'']

[[Do Not Dis C Ville|Do not diss me any more!]] Or you will further diss-s-ss [[CWCville]] and the city of [[Charlottesville]]!

====A history (1:44 to 4:11)====

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:issuezero.jpg|thumb|right|60px]]
But anyway, also, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking [[CChanSonichuCWC|imposter in brown]]! I am going to show you a history, [''produces a black folder with the cover picture from [[Sonichu 0]] on the cover, shakes his head like a smug, retarded tortoise, and raises the pitch of his voice considerably''] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?

[''jump cut to a close up of the Sonichu 0 cover'']

Ah yes, the infamous [''totally misunderstanding the meaning of the prefix -in''] classic hand-drawn cover of the ''Number 0'' book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.

[''jump cut to Chris's face poking out of the right side of the frame'']

My art [[Autism|speaks for me]]. Now let's look at some more.

[''jump cut'']

Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.

[[Image:SchuComicPage6.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]]'']

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqYkCJaBAyA Bad, bad Leeroy Brown.]

[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] kissing under some fireworks'']

Mine and the first romantic attempt,[regurgitating something his mother must have told him] and I did an awesome fuckin' job.

[[Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of the cover of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]]

Here's another one.

[''jump cut'']

And that corner tag came from an original "only for GameCube" title that was originally... a GameCube title but then later it expanded to other consoles. [''pulls picture down and pokes his head in from right''] Damn [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]].

[[Image:issueone.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''Sonichu 1]

"Chemical X?"
"No, cherry cola."

[[Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to an ad for some retarded Pokémon cards'']

A favorite classic ad.

[[Image:SchuComic2Page23.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a page from ''Sonichu 1]

Oh yeah, here comes a laugh:

"[[Random access humor|I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu]]~"

[''laughing like a deranged lunatic at a joke not humorous to anyone but him''] "Hahahahaha!"

[[Image:SchuComic2Page35.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from another page from ''Sonichu 1]

What's the difference between [[Amy Rose|Amy]] and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.

[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the [[Axe]] ad'']

Only for the [[Homos|straight]] man. Axe. He use the Orizon—Orion scent.

"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"

"Yeah I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!" [''OH HO! Funny, Chris. Ba-zing!'']

====A history (4:11 to 6:01)====

[[Image:SchuComic3Page23.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|a scene]] from the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] arc of ''[[Sonichu 2]]]

Anuh—And now something completely different. An ''Inuyasha'' parody... very good.

[[Image:Issue3.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a closeup of the [[Chaotic Combo]] on the cover of [[Sonichu 3]]'']

[''sings''] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?

[[Image:SchuComic4Pages5+7.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to two overlapping pages of ''Sonichu 3'': the introductions of [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]]'']

Here you are, two famous ladies.

[[Image:SchuComic4Page8.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of [[G.D.W. Shinabe]]'']

[''sings'']I'm Nabeshin. My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was [[Mypoe]] you dang, old dorks.

[[Image:SchuSubE4P11.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|"McAttack"]] featuring a replica of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] made of [[pixelblocks|Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]'']]

[''high-pitched, squeaky voice'']Oh, look! I made it from Legos and Pixelblocks. And, believe it or not, [[Pixelated PS3|I play "Thunderhorse"]]! ''[[Guitar Hero]]''!

[[Image:issue4.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''[[Sonichu 4]]]

I went. I fought. I eventually conquered with courage.

[''jump cut'']

[[Cwc dare|Heaven only knows what you might find. DARE. Dare to keep all your dreams alive!]]

[[Image:Crystal.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from ''[[Sub-Episode 7]]]

The twin sister I wish I had in real-life.

[[Image:SchuSubE7P10.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another scene from ''Sub-Episode 7]

Holy Vector Sigma, [[Optimus Prime]]!

[''jump cut'']

Where's Bumblebee when I need him?

[[Image:Chris blood.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from ''[[Sub-Episode 8]]]

Damn you, Bagget.

[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of ''[[Sonichu 5]]]

Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. [[Random Access Humor|Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?]]

[''jump cut'']

[''gay voice''] [[China|The hole of the ''queeeeen''?]]

[[Image:Sonichu05-P14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Chris-chan Sonichu plays ''Yu-Gi-Oh!]

CWCspells, activate! Pshoo!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P15.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the page opposite'']

''Annnnnnnnd'' CREATURE SWAP!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Megan|Sailor Megtune]] and her [[Megagi La Skunk]]'']

In the name of all hearts in the universe—

[''jump cut'']

—we shall punish you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P20.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene where Megagi La Skunk punches Chris-chan Sonichu in the head'']

[''makes a punch noise'']

[''jump cut'']

That hurt.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P30.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Mary Lee Walsh'']

Damn you, dirty witch. Damn you!

[[Image:Sonichu05-P37.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the first page of ''Episode 13'': a group picture containing Chris-chan, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo'']

Welcome to CWCville. Let's get this party started.

[[Image:Sonichu05-P38.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the following page'']

Evil witch, I will avenge all hearts you have shattered (including myself), which you have done in October [[2003]].

[[Image:Sonichu05-P41.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to another page with Megan and Megagi'']

[''sings''] Uuuhduhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhduhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh ala Tuxedo Kamen! Duhduhduhnuhnuh

====A history (6:02 to 9:34)====
[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 6]

[[Patti]], I miss you. [[Chris and Death|Come home]]. We'll go play catch. And dear [[Kitty Chandler|Kitty]] misses you, too... very much so. I love you.

[''jump cut to image of Allison Amber from ''Sonichu 6]

Miss [[Allison Amber]] has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the [[time void|alternate dimension]]. [[Billy Mays]] was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and body-double. Shave off his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|beard]], we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [''sings''] ''Home Improvement''! ''Home Improvement''! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]

[''jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays'']

Come on back, Billy Mays, and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!

[''jump cut to image of [[Bionic]] from ''Sonichu 6]

[[Bionic|Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star?]] [''sings'']

:You're a shooting star,
:No matter where you are,
:As far as the eye can see,
:No matter who you be.

Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. [[Chris and his ego|Nobody else]] could ever had the experience those individuals have.

[''jump cut to image of [[Megan]] and Chris from [[Sonichu 7]]'']

Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!

[''jump cut to Chris'']

...And for that matter, [[The Game Place|Michael Snyder]], WHY?! [''annotation: ''Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.]

[''jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from ''Sonichu 7]
[''Peter Griffin laugh''] Before time travel back, I got to visit the Ghostbusters' house. [''more Peter Griffin laugh'']

[''jump cut to image of [[Kellie Andes]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Kellie, [[lie|I hope you are happy in your married life.]]

[''jump cut to image of [[Joseph Herring]] from ''Sonichu 7]

Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.

[''jump cut to ''Beavis and Butt-head'' ripoff from ''Sonichu 7]

[''Beavis voice''] Check it out, Butt-head. Somebody left their locker open.

[''terrible Butt-head impression''] Let's close it for them. BAAAM! Who wants to make love today? [''high-pitched girl voice''] Oh, we do! We do teacher! Alright. April, Lorry, Susan... ''Simoooooone''....

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from ''Sonichu 7]

I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Sonee. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [''annotation: ''March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!] married March 17th, 2006 at [[Angelica]]'s church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two [[Rosey]]s and a [[Sonee]]. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!

[''jump cut to drawing of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'']

[''[[Chris and music|sings]]''] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!

[''jump cut to cover of [[Sonichu 8]]'' ]

Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get [[Chris's Big Night Out|drunk]]. Woo!

[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of an American flag from ''Sonichu 8]

We, the electric hedgehogs and everybody in the city of CWCville as a [[C-ville]] within the state of Virginia, stand firm and strong as proud citizens of these United States that everybody have [[Twin Falling Towers|fought so hard for the freedom of.]]

[''jump cut to image of Rosechu from ''Sonichu 8]

WE HAVE VAGINAS, DUMBASSES!

[''jump cut to "Knothole" ad from ''Sonichu 8]

[[Parody|KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!]]

[''jump cut to image of Blake and Bubbles from ''Sonichu 8]

Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4, 2009 [''annotation: ''July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [''cackles''] [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|TONIGHT]]!

[''jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from ''Sonichu 8]

...leaving hundreds injured. For [[Excel Saga|Rikdo FQX]], I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!

[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 9]
Workin' on it! [''annotation: ''Workin' On It]

====One final tidbit (9:34 - 9:55)====
And now for one final tidbit a spit of retribution against Howard the fiend {{YoutubeAnnotation|What The Hells Were You Thinkin' With That Damn, Dirty Pickle Suit, Brine-Headed Nerd?}} from the cult of [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle-suited fiends]]. Divine retribution for that day you stole [[Emily]], [''gives the finger''] you damn watchman.

[''jump cut to picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Howard and a hedgehog'']

[''sings''] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?

==Sources and notes==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|nextlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-26]]

Clyde Cash

2015-05-31T09:17:47Z

Ferrum:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Clyde Cash
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Gregg Mays
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 4 July 1976 (age {{Age|1976|7|4}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Siblings'''
| [[Ryan Cash]] (deceased)
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[PandaHalo]]
|-
| '''Children'''
| Penny Cash
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Internet troll Leader of [[The Miscreants]]
|-
|}

{{quote|Yer butt's gonna be in trouble|[[Barbara Chandler]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[Hooker incident#Aftermath|The Hooker Incident]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!|[[Chris]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]</ref>}}

'''Clyde Cash''' (alias '''Gregg Mays''' - that's [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|Gregg with three G's]]) ([[America|4 July]] [[1976]]<ref>[[:File:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg]]</ref>) is leader of [[The Miscreants]] and the most notorious of [[Christian|Chris]]'s [[trolls]], often considered to be Chris's arch nemesis.

In Chris's revised [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the ''[[Transformers]]'' character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow Megatron behind the scenes. Chris says this [[Chris and reality|because he believes]] Clyde allegedly killed [[BlueSpike]].<ref>[[Mumble 12]]</ref>

Ironically, despite Chris' constant demonizing of him, Clyde has warned him about several things that would later return to bite him in the ass, such as his [[Chris%27s_resume|unwillingness to work]], [[Chris and money|spending habits]], his [[Women's rights|poor treatment of women]] and even [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|predicted]] Chris' innate desire to [[Tomgirl Saga|dress like a woman]].

==Origins==
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|left|Clyde's butt being in trouble, courtesy of Chris.]]

For the longest time, Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed, Clyde would read Ryan the latest ''[[Sonichu]]'' adventure until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually within the first three pages).

This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing ''Sonichu'' [[comic]]s. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. One night in mid-[[December 2008]],<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.

On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] would be released from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed, but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.
{{clear}}

==The torment begins==
[[Image:ChrisVSClyde.JPG|thumb|left|Artist's interpretation of this epic struggle.]]
[[Image:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg|thumb|[[Virginia]]: [[Virginia is for Virgins|No longer for virgins]].]]
[[Image:Clydecashandannamclerran.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash turns [[Anna McLerran|ladies]] [[Homos|straight]].]]

Clyde's first act was to rape Chris's [[sweetheart]] [[PandaHalo]]<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>, but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next [[gal pal|gal-pal]]. Chris believes that Clyde married Panda and had a "One Cent Daughter" named Penny.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

Then, Clyde [[Gregg Mays E-mails|posed as Gregg Mays]] (a web designer working for [[Nintendo]]) to gain access to [[Sonichu.net]]. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make [[It's UGH!|a video proclaiming he was gay]]. He then told him to make a [[I am STRAIGHT|video declaring his straightness]]. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a [[trolls|troll]] and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of PandaHalo, Clyde managed to gain access again.

It was around this time that [[Takashi Tezuka]] and [[Jay Z]] were doing their ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]], they created the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

[[Julie]] set up a [[Mumble]] chat in which Chris could communicate with [[Trolls|TRUE and HONEST ''Sonichu'' fans]]. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|cleaning his room]]. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a thirteen-year-old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref>

After that, he sent out his trusted [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Hebrew friend]] to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The MIPS turned [[Robert Simmons V]] into a troll and infiltrated [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].<ref>[[Church Audio]]</ref> He then stole Chris's one and only date, [[Emily]].<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

When [[Ivy]] came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and killed herself.<ref>[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]</ref>

Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the [[PSN]] a few times, but then [[Jack Thaddeus]] did him one better...<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref>

And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.

On 22 [[May 2009]], the death of Clyde Cash, by a shotgun wound to the head, was reported by [[The Miscreants]]. The incident was deemed suicide, although some suspected foul play.
{{clear}}

==In the comic==
[[File:Cly.jpg|thumb|left|"Cly" in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]].]]
[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

In the [[comic]], Cly(de) is a villain working for [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Apart from capturing [[Ivy]] and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]], officially [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]]. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."

He made his first appearance in the comic proper [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] as the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] trolls. When [[Beel]] escapes, he too condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing an innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6-story elevator shaft to their deaths.
{{clear}}

== Currently ==
[[Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash and his buddy [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]].]]
[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|left|thumb|Clyde with [[The Wallflower]].]]
[[File:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|Chris's bizarre attempt to [[100 2267|impersonate Clyde]].]]
[[File:Cash1.png|left|thumb|No one can be trusted when it comes to Cash!]]
[[File:Clyde mash.jpg|right|thumb|[[The Simpsons|Stupid sexy Cash!]]]]

After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris is not very pleased.

In late [[2009]], when not battling [[Liquid Chris]] for the hand of [[Kacey]], Chris spent his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into [[obesity|shape]] and a desire to frighten Clyde with his [[Chris and health|bulging muscles]].

Chris had also a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.<ref>[[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]], [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]], [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]], [[Getting Foam Ed]], [[Twin Falling Towers]], [[It will never end]], [[Apology for 9/11 Joke]]</ref> Clyde scoffed at [[No More Jokes|the final video]].

However, because of the negative reaction to [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]], Chris, in the [[CWCipedia]] mailbag, made clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In_which_Chris_assumes_Clyde_Cash_would_punch_him|Mailbag 5]]</ref>

Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis in [[2010]], believing he was the reason why he lost the heart of "[[The Wallflower]]". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a [[pocket knife|knife]] and [[Don't Mess With Me|slitting Clyde's throat]] as a [[Death threats|warning]] to all [[trolls]].

In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Christian unsuccessfully [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|attempted to scam Clyde]] into paying Chris $9,001 for destroying his own [[PS3]]. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled thanks to [[Surfshack Tito]]'s vigilance.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Clyde Cash Fan Videos
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan KILLED Clyde Cash (Never-Before-Seen Footage)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FiTVga0G8Ws}}
| stardate = 7 [[June 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheClydeCash TheClydeCash]
| subject = | type = | info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Particle-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NrhdImejktI}}
| stardate = 1 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PodMonkeyCWC PodMonkeyCWC]
| subject = | type = | info = }}
}}

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[A CWC Audition]]
*[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]

== Sources ==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGreggMays Gregg's YouTube account]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jmmyzlznhfa Post-date Conversations] - The part with Clyde begins at about 4:35.
*[http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263141624839RA18 An International Tribute to Teh Graet Clyde Cash.]

{{Clyde Saga}}

{{Trolls}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Cash, Clyde}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga]]

Jason Kendrick Howell message

2015-05-31T09:15:34Z

Ferrum:

The '''Jason Kendrick Howell voicemail message''' was [[Chris]]'s infantile-yet-laconic threat to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after the hacking of [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] in [[January 2009]]. In fact, Howell had nothing to do with the site's demise, for the mastermind was [[Clyde Cash|someone far more nefarious]].

==Context==

On 6 January 2009, [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays contacted Chris]], claiming to be an employee of [[Nintendo]]. Mays said he had been assigned to redesign Sonichu.net as part of the cross-promotion of Sonichu and [[Animal Crossing]].

In fact, Gregg was really [[Clyde Cash]], seeking vengeance for the suicide of his [[Ryan Cash|little brother]] a few weeks earlier. By 8 January, Chris entrusted him with the password to the site, and in no time at all the site was vandalized. Unable to access the site to restore it, Chris accused Gregg of being a troll and changing the password to lock him out of his Tripod account. Gregg claimed he couldn't access the site either, and suggested that he could restore it if Chris reset the password to his account. Chris complied on 10 January, and soon the account was deleted altogether.

Then, on the 12th, Mays declared that he was Jason Kendrick Howell, a.k.a. Liquid Snake, the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. After taunting Chris and demanding he make videos for his amusement, Cash finally changed his mind on [[Gregg Mays E-mails#January 17, 2009|17 January]], and admitted that he was in fact Clyde Cash all along, and not Jason Kendrick Howell.

Chris ignored this revelation, thinking it was the Jason making up yet another alias. After all, Chris had long considered Howell to be the mastermind behind all of the trolls, while Clyde was new to the scene. Further, Chris sent the ''real'' Jason an angry voice mail, and gloated about this in response to a bewildered Clyde.

Meanwhile, the TRUE AND HONEST Jason Kendrick Howell, unaware of any of this, checked his messages and this was what he got...

==The Message==

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris-Chan Calls Jason Kendrick Howell
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|fyNiZpk9AsU}}
| Stardate = January 17, 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Jason Kendrick Howell's Answering Machine
| Subject = Chris reacts to the hacking of Sonichu.net.
| Saga = [[Image:Clyde_saga.png]] [[Clyde Cash]] Saga [[Image:Miyamoto_saga.png]] [[Miyamoto]] Saga
}}

==Transcript==
[[File:100_2214.JPG|thumb|What he intended to do to Jason]]
''Answering Machine:'' First saved message

Jason Kendrick Howell... 
You BASTARD! 
''BASTARD!'' 
You hacked into everything! You have driven me so [[Chris and English|beyond]] the wall, I can't even describe it! 
You're laughing dammit, but 
{{RageQuote|I PRAY YOU DEAD!}}
Goodbye!

==Alternative Transcriptions==
[[Image:ILLBREAKYOUDEAD.jpg|thumb|Original e-mail with text of Chris's threat to Jason]]
Some argue Chris is actually saying "I'll ''break'' you dead", because the image of Chris going into [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] mode and snapping Jason in half ([[Sign Destruction Video|or rather clumsily attempting to]]) is quite amusing. Jason himself originally transcribed the message with Chris saying "YOU HAPPY NAPPA (?!? no idea)", rather than "You're laughing dammit". Given his history of [[Speech impediment|communications]] [[Chris and English|problems]], even Chris himself may have had no idea what he was trying to say.

==Legacy==

Chris would attempt to re-establish his Sonichu website several times, only to be hacked and vandalized as before. In time, Chris would view Clyde Cash as the leader of the trolls, shifting his ire away from Jason. Throughout 2009, Chris would produce numerous videos directed at Clyde, threatening him, pleading with him, or challenging him.

The rage expressed in the message would become a familiar refrain in later sagas, as Chris would often cap off a round of trolling by screaming at his camera and uploading the footage to [[YouTube]].

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails]]
*[[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]
*[[Chris and Anger]]
*[[IRC (20 January 2009)]], Chris and Clyde's next encounter.
*[[Sonichu 10]], when we actually get to see Chris break someone dead.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?7300v5ztrt6oyh0 The audio recording]
*[http://db.tt/TZ56D6xe Audio mirror]
*A Jason Retrospective [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)] Jason's commentary on the early history of Chris-Chan trolling, including his POV on the "I'll BREAK YOU DEAD" message.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Jason Kendrick Howell message

2015-05-31T09:15:14Z

Ferrum:

The '''Jason Kendrick Howell voicemail message''' was [[Chris]]'s infantile-yet-laconic threat to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after the hacking of [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] in [[January 2009]]. In fact, Howell had nothing to do with the site's demise, for the mastermind was [[Clyde Cash|someone far more nefarious.]]

==Context==

On 6 January 2009, [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays contacted Chris]], claiming to be an employee of [[Nintendo]]. Mays said he had been assigned to redesign Sonichu.net as part of the cross-promotion of Sonichu and [[Animal Crossing]].

In fact, Gregg was really [[Clyde Cash]], seeking vengeance for the suicide of his [[Ryan Cash|little brother]] a few weeks earlier. By 8 January, Chris entrusted him with the password to the site, and in no time at all the site was vandalized. Unable to access the site to restore it, Chris accused Gregg of being a troll and changing the password to lock him out of his Tripod account. Gregg claimed he couldn't access the site either, and suggested that he could restore it if Chris reset the password to his account. Chris complied on 10 January, and soon the account was deleted altogether.

Then, on the 12th, Mays declared that he was Jason Kendrick Howell, a.k.a. Liquid Snake, the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. After taunting Chris and demanding he make videos for his amusement, Cash finally changed his mind on [[Gregg Mays E-mails#January 17, 2009|17 January]], and admitted that he was in fact Clyde Cash all along, and not Jason Kendrick Howell.

Chris ignored this revelation, thinking it was the Jason making up yet another alias. After all, Chris had long considered Howell to be the mastermind behind all of the trolls, while Clyde was new to the scene. Further, Chris sent the ''real'' Jason an angry voice mail, and gloated about this in response to a bewildered Clyde.

Meanwhile, the TRUE AND HONEST Jason Kendrick Howell, unaware of any of this, checked his messages and this was what he got...

==The Message==

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris-Chan Calls Jason Kendrick Howell
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|fyNiZpk9AsU}}
| Stardate = January 17, 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; Jason Kendrick Howell's Answering Machine
| Subject = Chris reacts to the hacking of Sonichu.net.
| Saga = [[Image:Clyde_saga.png]] [[Clyde Cash]] Saga [[Image:Miyamoto_saga.png]] [[Miyamoto]] Saga
}}

==Transcript==
[[File:100_2214.JPG|thumb|What he intended to do to Jason]]
''Answering Machine:'' First saved message

Jason Kendrick Howell... 
You BASTARD! 
''BASTARD!'' 
You hacked into everything! You have driven me so [[Chris and English|beyond]] the wall, I can't even describe it! 
You're laughing dammit, but 
{{RageQuote|I PRAY YOU DEAD!}}
Goodbye!

==Alternative Transcriptions==
[[Image:ILLBREAKYOUDEAD.jpg|thumb|Original e-mail with text of Chris's threat to Jason]]
Some argue Chris is actually saying "I'll ''break'' you dead", because the image of Chris going into [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] mode and snapping Jason in half ([[Sign Destruction Video|or rather clumsily attempting to]]) is quite amusing. Jason himself originally transcribed the message with Chris saying "YOU HAPPY NAPPA (?!? no idea)", rather than "You're laughing dammit". Given his history of [[Speech impediment|communications]] [[Chris and English|problems]], even Chris himself may have had no idea what he was trying to say.

==Legacy==

Chris would attempt to re-establish his Sonichu website several times, only to be hacked and vandalized as before. In time, Chris would view Clyde Cash as the leader of the trolls, shifting his ire away from Jason. Throughout 2009, Chris would produce numerous videos directed at Clyde, threatening him, pleading with him, or challenging him.

The rage expressed in the message would become a familiar refrain in later sagas, as Chris would often cap off a round of trolling by screaming at his camera and uploading the footage to [[YouTube]].

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails]]
*[[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]
*[[Chris and Anger]]
*[[IRC (20 January 2009)]], Chris and Clyde's next encounter.
*[[Sonichu 10]], when we actually get to see Chris break someone dead.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?7300v5ztrt6oyh0 The audio recording]
*[http://db.tt/TZ56D6xe Audio mirror]
*A Jason Retrospective [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISr7Fq7EPY Part 1], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY Part 2], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndR1s5jIRQ Part 3], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_ySvT2Qg4 Part 4], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvpa89jZRU Part 5], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2-41BQvqU Part 6 (5.2)] Jason's commentary on the early history of Chris-Chan trolling, including his POV on the "I'll BREAK YOU DEAD" message.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

26 December 2014

2015-05-31T04:56:05Z

Ferrum: /* Transcript */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was an infamous day in Chris's life, and the most action packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Michael Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available as proof to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with what was later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing the man, who was not threatening him or preventing him from leaving in any way.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) although Chris himself claimed it was because he'd seen some ''Skylanders'' shit he wanted and therefore [[Chris and reality|unilaterally decided that his ban didn't apply because he was there to buy something]]. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses intended for little girls]] (something that even bronies wouldn't wear) as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, although it's unlikely, given that he wasn't charged with vandalism or anything similar. Either way, he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the Assistant Manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]", as Chris would later call him) James Herring, who was later confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close, although Mr Herring left soon after Chris.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for 2 days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that Herring will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. Chris is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape, or at least that they recognize that Chris [[Chris and psychology|isn't all there]]. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying Herring (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether or not it can be proved Herring was "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Mike did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Mike magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, not to mention he avoided any serious community service, and Kiwi Farms users, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of Chris's previous misadventure are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015.

True to this prediction, the hearing on 7 May resulted in another continuance, until 11 June, although the hearing reportedly lasted longer than the one on 2 April.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1431012950495&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> Chris was also seen at [[McDonalds]] before attending, again.

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of his misadventures. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in hot water if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying Herring wasn't Chris misinterpreting the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed Herring on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| "What a mess I've made, when it all went wrong..."
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009

2015-05-31T03:03:52Z

Ferrum:

{{Honest}}

On 28 [[April 2009]], [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] posted two [[YouTube]] videos titled "'''ECV 00095'''" and "'''ECV 00096'''". In the first video he addresses the [[April 16 Fetish Vids|16 April release of video and pictures]] showing him drinking his own [[semen]], wearing [[butt garments|adult diapers]], and spanking himself. In addition, he admits that he frequently [[dirty crapped briefs|shits his pants]].

Chris was apparently motivated to make "ECV 00095" when he was told that a little girl named [[Ching Chong]] saw the aforementioned sex acts on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

Within an hour of posting "ECV 00095", Chris followed up with "ECV 00096". Chris spends much of the second video defensively insisting that Ivy is a real person, that they are going to lose their virginity together, "and it's going to be awesome."

On 5 [[May 2009]], "ECV 00095" was linked on [http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161 Fark], [http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/8icda/the_creepiest_person_on_the_internet_has_been/ Reddit] and other popular sites, dramatically increasing the number of people who have seen Chris on the [[Internet]]. The video was discussed on several radio shows, including the nationally syndicated Sirius XM Radio show [[Opie and Anthony]], as well as the [[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment|Kevin and Bean Show]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FomKwM7rQw8}}
| stardate = 28 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009#Additional material|ECV 00096]]
}}
{{quote|I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a healthy, growing, sane, and sound-minded, uh, adult individual. }}

=== Transcript ===

[''displays [[high school ring]] of truth'']

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate, uh [''shows ring again''], April 28th, 2009.

Uhh. It has come to my attention that, uh, [[April 16 Fetish Vids|certain videooos]] of the, uh, naughty nature have been disco—have been leaked to the trolls and they have been added to the ED page, and I want to talk a little bit about, uh, the subject matter of those three videos.

You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the ''[[semen|navy]]'' being drunk. Yeah. [[Speech Impediment|Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea.]] But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do [[mass debate|masturbate]]—I'm not ashamed to admit it—as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I—yeah, into [[fapcup|the cup]] and—yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|unborn children]]. So then I can—then I can also still have a good number of...—a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it. And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners... of the—their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don—if you don—if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.

Anyway, the—anyway, af—from after that the, uh, second topic, the, uh, one where I spanked myself. Yeah, I just, uh, I was doin' that for fun, because, you know, sometimes I do my [[random access humor|random, silly, crazy things]], and, uh... [''sighs''] ''sometimes'' adults feel pleasure from pain, even when they, uh, do it to themselves. But I mean, I'm n—I mean, n—I mean, not to a point where they kill themselves, but I mean, uh, just, like, you know, spanking is a generally a pop—generally a popular type, uh, thing amongst adults. Hm. But anyway, it's a—it's a fetish for some people, and I just randomly felt like doing that.

And then the, uh, third topic which was the—uh, the—uh, the photographs of, uh, me in [[butt garments|a... dult diapers]]. Uhhhh, yes, I did, uh, get a free sampling of diapers from a troll, but, regalry—legularly I, uh, do not use them, but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay. Not—not a big deal; it's just, uh...—but, y'know, I wouldn't—I would not wear them on a daily basis I wear ''briefs''. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do, uh, I get very stressed out from, uh, people who yell at me or, uh, misunderstand me or talk bad about me. And, and, between that and other real-life stresses, uh, it just pen—it just builds up and sometimes, uh, it just—I just have to—it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh... [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|poo my pants]]. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, pooed their childhood diapers, much less pooed their... underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human. Nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.

And, uh, with that—

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:SchuComicSP3P6.jpg|thumb|right|[[Chris and sex#Is Chris a furry?|'''GUESS CHRISTIAN'S FETISH NOW!''']]]]
I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a [[Chris and health|healthy]], [[I AM STRONG|growing]], [[Chris and psychology|sane]], and [[Chris and anger|sound-minded]], uh, [[List of toys|adult individual]].

[''jump cut'']

And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else. Private matters are private matters.

[''jump cut'']

But, uh, also, I—in reality I actually did those, uh, videos and pictures as a favor to, uh, an individ—as a favor to a... to an anon—to an [[Ivy|anomynous female individual]] (sic) who just wanted to get her kicks off of it. But you know, a lot of women, they, uh, tend to get their kicks off of kinky things as such. An adult fetish, nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, everybody's got at least one, I'm sure. I have some. I'm not exactly sure how exactly to describe them, but yes, I have some, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Thank you very much for your time and, uh, have a pleasant day. Peace.
 

==Additional material==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ECV 00096
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8wff4-9KmHw}}
| stardate = 28 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009#Watch|Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 29 April 2009]]
}}
=== Transcript ===

This is a video that goes in addition to the one I have recently posted.
[[Image:LoseOurVirginies.jpg|thumb|right|By "awesome" he means "a mentally scarring experience"]]
The anonymous person of mine was—uh... that I did the videos for originally... yeah, yeah. It was for Ivy. I was trying to respect her decision of, uh, not revealing her name, but, uh, it didn't work out so she agreed—so, she asked me to, uh, just go ahead and let y'all know about that.

But anyway, Ivy is not a troll. She is real. She is true. And she is my sweetheart. We are going to be together in the near future and we are going to have sex. We're going to lose our virginities to each other... and it's going to be awesome.

And, just so you know, the, uh, previous video was also dedicated to a little girl, who accidentally found the ED page. Her name was [[Ching Chong]].

That's it. That's it.

Ivy is real! ''We are going to be together!'' ''Foreverrr!'' {{clear}}

[[Image:I can feel the cosmos.jpg|center|I can feel the cosmos!]]

Peace.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWCFlyingElephants]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 29 April 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-04-28]]
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-28]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-28]]

CWC-isms

2015-05-31T03:02:27Z

Ferrum:

<center>{{Honest}}</center>

One of [[Chris]]'s most notorious features is his strange vocabulary. Like many children who don't feel comfortable referring to [[Honest Content|adult content]] by name, Chris often resorts to creating cutesy euphemisms for a lot of words that most people his age would generally use with little reservation. While some of them are understandable — after all, even a decrepit elder would probably feel uncomfortable while he discusses his [[Butt garments|diapers]] — others, such as "[[tobacky]]" instead of "tobacco", only serve to change an otherwise normal sentence into an advertisement for Chris's childish nature. Others are attempts to be clever, for example, he refers to [[semen]] as "[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|navy]]", because semen sounds like sea men, [[Random-access humor|get it?]] Combine this with the idiosyncratic speech patterns that are common among [[autism|autistics]], and you get his so-called '''CWCisms'''.

CWC-isms may be combinations or butchered versions of words that already exist, entirely new words, commonplace words used repeatedly in a peculiar or obsessive way, or new phrases that Chris often has to explain afterwards because nobody knows what he's talking about.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Slow-in-the-minds

2015-05-31T02:53:58Z

Ferrum:

{{Quote|I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional [sic]; it would be like looking through a Window to Hell to me.|Chris on other autistic people, [[IRC (17 December 2008)]]}}

[[Image:FavorDaStraights.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu]] is also a slow-in-the-mind]]

"'''Slow-in-the-minds'''" and "'''slow minded'''" are [[CWC-isms]] that refer to developmentally disabled, cognitively delayed, crazy, and/or generally unintelligent people. (Other than [[Chris]] himself, of course.) The term was first seen in Chris's school project "[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]."

"Slow-in-the-minds" hits a fine trifecta of points. One, it displays Chris's arrogance, seeing as how it applies to so many classes of people, all of whom he considers "slower" than he. Two, it shows Chris's lip-service attention to fitting in to society, since it's a piss-poor euphemism on its own and even worse when used in a school project. Three, there's a delicious irony in Chris decrying students who are "slow in the mind", even though [[Honor roll|his own mental aptitude is dubious]].

In a number of responses from the [[Mailbag]], Chris has explained that he finds the mentally challenged (especially those who also have physical [[duck|deformities]]) creepy, and likens them to zombies.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref> Chris's bigotry extends to his fellow [[Autism|autistics]] — he speaks in incredibly cruel and derisive terms about the various mental and physical problems that are thrust upon these innocent individuals, whereas he (as a self-proclaimed "[[Chris and his Ego|high-functioning]]" autistic) is pure and clean.

Despite that he seems to hardly consider low functioning autistics human, he often styles himself as a spokesperson for autism, making a stand against [[Asperger Syndrome]] in the non-existent conflict between autism and Aspergers. This delusion is made most apparent in the [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article on Aspergers]]. It has been suggested he says this to make himself look good and complain that he should be receiving the care and attention that those with Aspergers receive.

Chris seems to interpret the "high-functioning" part of his diagnosis as a compliment, giving him the best of both worlds ... he can blame any of his shortcomings on his autism, but still console himself with the fact that he's "high-functioning" and therefore better than the "slow-in-the-minds".

[[Image:Chris_and_Rule_34.jpg|thumb|Again.]]

==Uses by Chris==
Chris's use of this term has evolved over the years. Early on, he pointedly distinguished between the "slow-minded" and himself. In late 2009 and onward, however, he began referring to himself as "a little slow" or "sometimes slow," once he discovered he could use it as an excuse for his many failings.

*On a 1999 [[Manchester_High_Leaks#Help_This_Unborn_Child|high school assignment]] about prenatal development, Chris identified various factors that could cause newborn children to have "slow minds". This appears to be the earliest known use of the term.
*In [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], Chris described his peers on his school bus as "slow-in-the-minds."
*[[Sub-Episode 6]], when exploring the ecology of the [[Jerkop]], notes that "slow-minded people" are susceptible to becoming Mary Lee Walsh's rent-a-cop slaves. (Chris adds that because he is, of course, not slow in the mind, he is immune to the "hypno-gun" that brainwashes the Jerkops.)
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]] features, among other things, Chris attempting to correct the "misconception" that he is a "slow-minded person."
*In a [[IRC (18 December 2008)|December 2008 IRC chat]], when asked to give an example of learning from his mistakes, Chris said, "when it was spelled out for me that a sign by my side made me look slow-minded, when clearly I am not."
*Chris mentions the same incident in a [[Chris_E-mails_2007#February|2007 e-mail]] to his old schoolteacher Virginia Sanford: "I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the 'R' Word."
*Conversing with his "fans" in [[Mumble 8]], Chris claimed, "For the record, I'm not- I'm not slow in the mind."
*While mocking a (legitimately mentally disabled) fan of his [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Naïve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|on YouTube]], Chris said, "You’re so [[naïve]] and slow in the mind."
*During the [[Father Call]], Chris says, "I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments."
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article]] on Asperger's syndrome, Chris admits that "my mentality is sometimes slow."
*While begging off from some of the difficult questions he faced in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]], Chris whines about how "Sometimes my mind's a little slow."
*In the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris referred to Virginia gubernatorial candidates [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]] and [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Creigh Deeds]] as being "not so swift."
*In [[Jackie Chat 8]], Chris admits that "I sometimes feel mentally slow."
*Likewise, in a July 2010 [[Jackie E-mails 3|e-mail to Jackie]], he says "I am sometimes mentally slow and don't get all of the details at once and such." This becomes a recurring theme in Chris's conversations with Jackie, as he repeatedly tries to use his "slow-mindedness" as an excuse. The [[Jackie E-mails 20|20th collection of e-mails]] has a few good examples.
*Talking about his high-school days in the [[Lars Call]], Chris says "Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before."

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Chris and hypocrisy]]
*[[Jackie Chat 9]], where Chris discusses his experiences on the short bus.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Ultra Sonichu

2015-05-31T02:52:18Z

Ferrum:

[[Image:219-UltraSchuPose.jpg|thumb|Ultra Sonichu, aka Down's Syndrome Sonichu]]

{{quote|After absorbing the power of the 7 [[Sonic the Hedgehog (series)#Chaos Emeralds|Chaos Emeralds]], [[Sonichu]] transforms into his Super-Form where he is invincible beyond compare. He can fly sky-high and has the most powerful Lightining Attacks.|[[:Image:215-ACUltSchuBck.jpg|Ultra Sonichu ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}

'''Ultra Sonichu''' is the final form of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] that Chris has hyped before the comic even began. After years of promises, he finally appeared in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Another of Chris's blatant rip-offs, it is a copy of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|"Super Sonic"]]. Super Sonic is the result of Sonic collecting all seven [[Chaos Emeralds]], which itself is inspired by the Super Saiyan transformation from ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]''. It should also be noted that Ultra Sonichu is basically a recolor of Chris's very first failure [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

==Powers==
''Sonichu'' #10 has shown that Ultra Sonichu has a plethora of super powers. Besides being able to fly, like Super Sonic, he also has Messianic powers, as well. He is shown using his presence to revive [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her eternal slumber (and apparently to accidentally free [[Clawdorf]] in the process), and he uses a power called "Chaotic Remedy" to cure Asperchu and his versions of Sonichu and friends from all their maladies, such as personality.

So far there doesn't seem to be any specific time limit on Sonichu's ability to remain in his Ultra form, unlike Sonic's Super form, where his only weakness is the fact that his form eventually runs out. After doing everything he needed to do (which included curing every single [[Jerkop]] he and his friends haven't managed to murder of their brainwashing) Sonichu just kind of... stops being Ultra.

==Evolution confusion==
Ultra Sonichu evolves from Sonichu. [[Metonic]] also evolves from Sonichu. It has already been shown in the comic that Sonichu will eventually evolve into Metonic, so technically Sonichu will never be able to evolve into Ultra Sonichu... but [[Sonichu 10|he found a way.]]

==Star sign confusion==
After evolution, Ultra Sonichu's star sign changes from [[Wikipedia:Pisces|Pisces]] to [[Wikipedia:Aries|Aries]]. How this is possible is still a mystery. A theory is that [[Blake]] is the one to actually assume this form, since he is an Aries, much like Ultra Sonichu, and is supposed to have all the abilities Sonichu possesses. That would be an interesting plot twist to give Blake the role as the actual hero; however, considering Chris's writing ability, this is probably just a coincidence.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:214-ACUltSchu.jpg
Image:215-ACUltSchuBck.jpg
Image:216-UltSchu.jpg
Image:217-UltSchuEX.jpg
Image:218-YuUltSchu.jpg
Image:SchuComic10P44.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
 
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]

CWCville Shopping Center

2015-05-29T21:03:14Z

Ferrum: /* Mall Stores */ Changed the link of F.Y.E

{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:157-CityOfCwcville.jpg|thumb|Early appearance on a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.]]
[[File:Mall.PNG|thumb|Aerial view]]
'''CWCville Shopping Center''', sometimes called the '''CWCville Mall''', located at the center of downtown [[CWCville]], is the location of Chris's [[CWCville Mayoral Office|Mayoral Office]] and a temple to consumerism in CWCville. Also, Chris's version of his beloved [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], where he is not banned but rather is welcomed and works there.

Chris designed the mall as a [[CADD]] project in [[PVCC|college]], and since [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|no good school project goes unrecycled and unpublished]], is now using the design in the comics. The plans were in [[Scrapbook of Fail]],<ref>[[Blanca_E-mails#Chris_does_not_waste_any_time_in_hinting_at_a_relationship|Blanca E-mails]], 20 [[August 2008]] 5:27 AM</ref> and Chris's original AutoCAD files were leaked.

Chris also built a rudimentary model of the mall with [[Legos]]. In 2014, the old Lego mall having been destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]], Chris dreamed of recreating it at a much grander scale, a "stud-to-stud replica." This was such a compelling vision that he started a [[Kickstarter]] campaign to raise $5000 for this project. Of course, nothing came of this.

Chris has said that the city of CWCville owns the mall,<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref> while most real-life malls (even ones that are close to dead) are owned by real estate companies such as Simon Property Group, owner of [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. Furthermore, Chris has included several stores that either don't exist in real life, or used to exist but no longer do; the store placement, selection and other fine details are all over the place. Among other things, the mall features a disproportionately large number of restaurants and even a Big Lots, an off-price retailer that almost never locates in malls.

Locating a mall in a downtown isn't entirely unfeasible; there is, however, no excuse for putting the fucking ''[[CWCville Mayoral Office|Mayor's office]]'' in the mall (except perhaps if the government's finances are in such a dreadful condition that they need to in order to save on rent), except as a reference to the [[Adult Swim]] show [[Wikipedia:Tom Goes To The Mayor|''Tom Goes To The Mayor'']], which Chris may have watched.
[[Image:CWCMallSpaz.jpg|thumb|The Mall, as accurately depicted by Spazkid28 in ''Sonichu The Animated Series''.]]
[[File:0869-Cwcville18.JPG|thumb|Lego version of the Shopping center.]]
[[File:Kickstarter 5.jpg|thumb|The CADD mall blueprints]]
==Mall Stores==
* [[Wikipedia:Abercrombie & Fitch|Abercrombie & Fitch]]
* Arcade World (Video Games) [Yes, he's written 'Video Games' beside it, as if arcades didn't have them usually.]
* [[Wikipedia:American Eagle Outfitters|American Eagle Outfitters]]
* [http://www.annajoys.com/ Anna Joy's] (local bridal shop)
* April's Sports (local sporting goods)
* [[Wikipedia:Aéropostale (clothing)|Aeropastale [sic]]]
* [[Wikipedia:Bath & Body Works|Bath & Body Works]]
* [[Wikipedia:Big Lots|Big Lots]]
* [http://www.brmsstore.com/ Blue Ridge Sports]
* [[Chris's resume|Books-a-Million]]
* [[Burger King]]
* [http://www.cache.com/cache/control/main Cache] [sic]
* [[Wikipedia:Carlton Cards|Carlton Cards]] [Two separate ones]
* [[Wikipedia:Cellular One|Cellular One]]
* [[Wikipedia:Champs_(brand)|Champ's [sic]]] Sports
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Wikipedia:Christopher & Banks|Christopher & Banks]]
* [[Chris and ego|Christopher's Pizza]]
* [http://www.cinnamonster.com Cinnamonster]
* [[Wikipedia:Circuit City Stores|Circuit City]] Express
* [[Wikipedia:Claire's|Claire's Boutique]]
* [[Wikipedia:Coffee Beanery|Coffee Beanery]]
* [[The GAMe PLACe|Comic, Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[Li'l Chris|Create-A-Critter]]
* [[Cutco]] Outlet
* [[Wikipedia:CVS/pharmacy|CVS]]
* [[Wikipedia:Dairy Queen|Dairy Queen]]
* [[Wikipedia:Disney Store|Disney Store]]
* [[Wikipedia:Dollar Tree|Dollar Tree]]
* [[Wikipedia:Finish Line, Inc.|Finish Line]]
* [[Wikipedia:Foot Locker|Footaction USA]]
* [[Wikipedia:F.y.e|F.Y.E.]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Wikipedia:Gap (clothing retailer)|Gap]]
* GCN [? - second floor, he may have meant [[Wikipedia:GNC (store)|GNC]].]
* [http://www.glamourshots.com Glamour Shots]
* [[Wikipedia:NexCen Brands|Great American Cookie]]
* [[Wikipedia:Hat World|Hat World]]
* [[Wikipedia:Hallmark Cards|Hallmark]]
* [[Megan Schroeder|Hot Topic]]
* [[Wikipedia:J. C. Penney|JCPenny [sic]]]
* [[Wikipedia:Genesco|Journeys]]
* [[Wikipedia:Sterling_Jewelers#Kay_Jewelers|Kay Jewlers]] [sic]
* [[Sonic Watch and Win Sweepstakes|KB Toys]]
* [http://www.kohrbros.com/ Kohr Bros. Frozen Yougurt] [sic]
* [[Wikipedia:Foot Locker|Lady Foot Locker]]
* [[Lego]] Outlet
* [[Wikipedia:LensCrafters|LensCrafters]] [Listed twice beside each other.]
* [[Wikipedia:Limited Brands|Limited]]
* [[Wikipedia:Limited Brands|Limited Too]]
* [http://www.mastercuts.com/ MasterCuts]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Wikipedia:Destination Maternity|Motherhood Maternity]]
* [[Wikipedia:Mrs. Fields|Mrs. Field's [sic] Cookies]]
* [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Pacific Sunwear]]
* Paint & Play (exists, but no website for Virginia chain)
* [[Wikipedia:Payless ShoeSource|Payless Shoe Source]]
* [[Wikipedia:Pearle Vision|Pearl [sic] Vision Express]]
* [[Wikipedia:Radio Shack|Radio Shack]]
* [[Wikipedia:Red Robin|Red Robin]]
* [[Wikipedia:Ritz Camera|Ritz Camera]]
* [http://www.rockstarbodyjewelry.com/ Rock Star Body Jewelry]
* [[Wikipedia:Sam Goody|Sam Goody]]
* [[Wikipedia:Sbarro|Saberro]]
* [[Wikipedia:Sears|Sears]]
* [[Wikipedia:Spencer Gifts|Spencer Gifts]]
* [[Hanna|Starbucks]]
* [[Wikipedia:Stride Rite Corporation|Stride Rite]]
* [[Wikipedia:Suncoast Motion Picture Company|Suncoast]]
* [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|Taco Bell]]
* T&C Nails (a real nail salon in Charlottesville Fashion Square)
* [http://www.shopbriarpatch.com/ The Briar Patch]
* [http://www.thehappycook.com/ The Happy Cook]
* The [[Pokémon]] Center [Unsurprisingly, this is given two floors and roughly fourteen times the retail space of most of the other stores]
* [[The GAMe PLACe|The Toy Place]]
* [http://www.thingsremembered.com/ Things Remembered]
* Tokyo Shogun (Virginia-based Japanese mall cuisine; no website)
* [http://www.tradesecret.com/ Trade Secret]
* [[Wikipedia:Verizon|Verizon]]
* [http://www.victoriasgallery.com/ Victoria's Art Gallery]
* [[Wikipedia:Victoria's Secret|victoria's [sic] Secret]]
* [[Wikipedia:Waldenbooks|Waldenbooks]]
* [[Wikipedia:Warner Bros. Studio Store|Warner Bros. Store]]
* [[Wendy's]]
* [http://www.western-sizzlin.com/sitemap.html Western Sizzlin']
* [[Wikipedia:YesAsia|YesAsia.com]] Outlet Store
* [[Wikipedia:Zale Corporation|Zales Jewelry]]
* [[Wikipedia:Zany Brainy|Zany-Brainy]]

==Non-Store Facilities==
* [[Wikipedia:Bank of America|Bank of America]] ATM
* [[Wikipedia:BB&T|BB&T]] ATM
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]
* [[Jerkop|Mall Security]]/Customer Service
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Restrooms]] [Multiple]
* [[Wikipedia:Wachovia|Wachovia]] ATM

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] - The IRL version of the CWCville mall.

==External links==
* [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1419446823/lego-cwcville-shopping-center-with-mayor-office Kickstarter page]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloorOne.pdf Plans, Floor 1]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloor2.pdf Plans, Floor 2]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/MayorsOfficeModel1.pdf Plans, Mayor's Office]
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?we0oddnzwnk Original project files]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Fictional places]]