CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:FishDicks

2022-08-07T17:17:19Z

FishDicks:

[[File:The Golden Mayor of Cwc-26B.jpg|thumb|Ave Majorem]]
I am a massive faggot.
{{Americunt}}{{JERK}}{{Straight}}{{White}}{{Agnostic}}{{EDUser}}{{Observer}}{{PS2}}{{PS3}}{{Hex-Box}}{{Wii}}{{ClassicChris}}{{HellAndBack}}{{GrammarNazi}}{{Kitty}}{{MPS}}{{User:Champthom/SecretSanta}}
Fuck you.

Autism Tutorial Part 4

2021-08-11T23:33:51Z

FishDicks: /* Transcript */

In '''Autism Tutorial Part 4''', [[Chris]] uses his ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' soapbox to rail at society at large for ignoring him, [[Ego|not letting him do whatever ''he'' wants]], and shunning him for being creepy.

Chris starts off by describing [[Charlottesville]], and how it should be what he wants to replace the [[internet]]: "a social hotspring." However, Chris being Chris, he doesn't seem to understand why people avoid him in public, and blames some moral deficiency present in everyone else. Chris tries to demonstrate how [[Attraction Sign|socializing]] with him should work (SPOILER: everyone else does the work). He again demands respect, in what must be another ineffectual attempt to restore his reputation.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Autism Tutorial Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7NvlngpBQfQ}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2011]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga =
| other =
| previous = [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]
| next = [[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris's voice is trembling with obvious [[stress]] throughout the entirety of the presentation]''

Only about ten miles south of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]], is ''[[Charlottesville]]'' Virginia, historic home town of [[wikipedia:Thomas Jefferson|Mr. Thomas Jefferson]], [[wikipedia:James Monroe|Mr. James Monroe]], and [[wikipedia:James Madison|Mr. James Madison]]. Lewis and Clark also started their famous expedition from this area.

The expensive [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] of downtown Charlottesville houses a number of [[The GAMe PLACe|small businesses]], as well as the show-stopping pavilion tent and the Paramount Theatre. This, as well as the Fashion Square Shopping Center, should ''both'' be social watering holes, but for me, sadly, ''they are not.''

Anywhere herein, even including the bars and events like [[Fridays After Five]], nobody will even look or say hello to me. And of course the internet reputation I have against me... sadly thanks to those gross people that have taken my information... and... ''s-s-strew it around'' in their misconceptions of weirdness, twisting everything. I've already gotten into how bad that has half-fected me and how emotionally scarred I have a been. Back to social life, the [[autism]] increases my shyness, so I ''hardly'' have even the basic instinct to just say "hello" to anyone, or even open up so easily with trust. I need other people to come up and talk to me fir- (Abrupt jump-cut)

[[File:ShecameforCWC_(200803).JPG|thumb|right|Chris being a good friend.]]
Allow me to make it perfectly clear about who I am so I am not misunderstood erroneously with the internet that's against me: My name is [[Christian Weston Chandler]], high-functioning autistic [[Chris and art|artist]]. I am [[Chris and kindness|kind]], [[Chris and remorse|caring]], [[Chris and death|empathetic]], [[Stress|emotional]], a [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|good friend]], a ''loyal'' friend, cautious and weary, ''trustworthy''. Mostly [[Honest Content|honest]]. I do not like to [[Lies|lie]]. [[Kacey Call 1|I would only]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|lie to protect]] [[Kacey Call 2|the other person's]] [[Kacey Call 3|feelings out of care]] [[Father Call|and respect]]. [[Chris|I]] [[Ego|AM]] [[Racism|NOT]] [[Women's Rights|A]] [[Death Threats|MONSTER]][[Incest|!]] I am a caring, emotional, feeling, [[Tomgirl|heterosexual]] human being! And [[Chris and Hypocrisy|I should be treated equally]], and respected as SUCH!

[''[[stress sigh]]''] Sadly back here in real life, everyone is in their ''[[CWCville|own dang world]]''. [[Mailbag|Snobbish, snooty...]] to even give care to ''one person'' who only has [[Trolls|few friends]] within the city, uh- that is Mr. Jefferson's hometown. Not even as much acquaintances, I feel invisible in public, and it's very sad to me. [''stress sigh''] At least I do have one friend who cares about me around here. Unfortunately she refuses to go beyond [[Friend Zone|just friends]], but I care about her just the same anyway. [''a sack person walks up to Chris''] Because that is the kind of guy I am.

[''The sack person waves at Chris''] '''''Subtitle:''''' [''Hey, Chris.'']

[''Chris looks at her, and they [[The Creepy Stare|stare at each other like retards]] while subtitles are shown'']

'''''Subtitles:'''''
[''Hey, Chris.'']
[''Hey, Mic.'']
[''I have friends to introduce you to. Follow me to El Kono.'']
[''Really?! That Is Awesome. Let's go.'']

[''Chris and Mic walk off'']

== Fan video ==

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = cwc lie detector
| video = {{#ev:youtube|INOdnCJjnA4}}
| Stardate = 19 March 2011
| Maker = NeverOnHexBox
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Pmurt

2016-11-11T18:51:53Z

FishDicks:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Plus, Trump is just too damn rich And [[Chris|immature]]. And "Trump" spelled backwards is "Pmurt", which rhymes with "Hurt", and he would badly "Pmurt" this country in office.|[[Chris]]}}

[[Image:Trump.jpg|thumb|Pmurt.]]
'''Pmurt''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for 2016 Republican President-elect [[wikipedia:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]. He initially pronounced it '''Murt''', based on his opinion that the P is silent when the name is said backwards<ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>, however in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid]], he pronounced the P.

On 8 November 2016, Chris participated in the US presidential election and voted for Hillary Clinton<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris and Barb vote for Hillary]]</ref>. In the early morning hours of 9 November, following news that Pmurt had won the election, Chris reacted by making multiple death threats against him.

==Meaning of the name==
This CWC-ism comes from a [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote|Facebook comment from 25 September]] (partially quoted above), in which Chris says that "Trump spelled backwards is "Pmurt", [[Random Access Humor|which rhymes with hurt, and that Trump would badly "Pmurt" the US if elected.]]".

Reversing Trump’s name has twofold meanings. Firstly, names are particularly sacred to Chris<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref><ref>[[To Clyde Gregg]]</ref><ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref>; in his eyes, mocking anyone's name will severely degrade them — this article will establish that Chris has enormous distain for Donald Trump. Secondly, Chris has historically assumed that saying anything backwards induces subliminal stimuli<ref>[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref> — which he believe are enormously influential on the psyche ''and'' the physical body<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref>. Therefore, Chris may believe reversing Trump's name, in a negative context, might effectively alter his audience's perception of him. Beyond the random-access humor, Chris probably thinks his rendition of Trump’s name is a serious presidential objection for everyone to consider.

Chris continued using this backwards name in subsequent Facebook posts and videos.

==Opposition to Pmurt==
Chris is opposed to Pmurt becoming President for the following reasons:

*He "[[Chris and Hypocrisy|is very spiteful]]."<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>
*He is an "[[Chris|immature brat]] who mocks everyone."<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>
*He "Wants [[Chris and race|the immigrants to build their own "Keep Out" wall so [he] would kick them all out]]."
*He "hates our kind." [[homos|[LGBTQ]]]
*He "was a [[Autism|one-track tape]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|repeating himself]] [[Honor Roll|on pat deeds]] [[CADD|that he was "proud"(?)]] of."<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#"Thoughts" on the debate]]</ref>
*He has "ideals of [[Chris and money|cutting finances]] from all of the more important resources the country needs in communities and feeding the industries from the National Debt. And he acted against the immigrants in that topic as well; [[Monthly Tugboat|they have to work too, you know.]]"
*He is a [[Jerk|male]]. In February 2016, Chris said "I feel like American needs a woman's touch finally after all these years"<ref>[[Update 02/16/2016]]</ref> as a reason for why he wanted Hillary Clinton [[Women's Rights|to become president.]]

Chris has also [[Honor Roll|cited an episode of The Simpsons]] as one of his major sources for being anti-Pmurt<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>.

Interestingly, both Pmurt and Chris [[Megan|have been accused of sexual harassment]].

==Death Threats==
Chris's hatred of Pmurt is so great that he made three videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on Pmurt with ''[[Transformers]]'' and ''[[My Little Pony]]'' toys.<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>, including one where he destroyed a Transformers toy<ref>[[Eid, Pmurt, Eid‎‎]]</ref>, further showing his lack of [[chris and money|financial]] [[Financhu Crisis|sense]]

'''Timeline'''

On November 9, 2016, Chris made several enraged [[death threats]] against the President-elect. He continued his tirade the next day, in spite of the possibility that it could land him in serious legal trouble. According to [http://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title18/part1/chapter41&edition=prelim United States code], a threat against the President-elect is punishable by a fine and/or a maximum of five years in prison.

'''9 November'''

*3:28 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated|posts on Facebook]] that he wants someone to assassinate Trump with a sniper rifle. Chris's Twitter account automatically tweets the post. Throughout the day, many [[Chris in the media#Death threats against Trump|high-profile Twitter users]] retweet the post. Several Twitter users say that they reported him to the FBI and Secret Service.<ref>http://archive.is/bHnGQ</ref>

*3:39 am - Chris [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|uploads a YouTube video]] depicting him smashing a ''Transformers'' toy in effigy of Trump, while screaming "die!"

*3:40 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!|posts on Facebook]] again. He links to the YouTube video and says Trump "should Die now" before taking office. The post is also tweeted by his Twitter account.

*5:15 am - The "sniper rifle" death threat disappears from Facebook<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-calls-for-the-assassination-of-our-dear-leader.25664/page-4#post-1865911</ref>.

*8:30 am - An Infowars.com [http://www.infowars.com/hillary-supporters-burn-american-flag-riot-threaten-to-kill-trump-after-losing-election/ article], featuring Chris's death threat in tweet form, is published.

*11 pm - The same threat disappears from Twitter<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-calls-for-the-assassination-of-our-dear-leader.25664/page-14#post-1869300</ref>.

'''10 November'''
*4:07 am - Chris [[Twitter#10 November 2016.1|tweets]] the Infowars article.

*4:23 am - Chris [[Twitter#10 November 2016.2|tweets]] that he wants his audience to join him in wishing death to President-elect Trump before January 2017.

*6:53 pm - Chris again [[Twitter#10 November 2016.3|tweets]] to pray for Trump's death. He also prays for Vice President-elect Mike Pence's death. He then links to [https://act.credoaction.com/sign/russell_amendment?sp_ref=243409817.4.176471.o.1.2&referring_akid=.8183343.3BGNtd&source=clickcopy_sp a petition] from Credo Action, concerning the "anti-LGBTQ Russell Amendment."

==See Also==
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[Death Threats]]

==Sources==
<references/>
{{People}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Stubs]]

Pmurt

2016-11-11T00:44:11Z

FishDicks: /* Opposition to Pmurt */

{{quote|Plus, Trump is just too damn rich And [[Chris|immature]]. And "Trump" spelled backwards is "Pmurt", which rhymes with "Hurt", and he would badly "Pmurt" this country in office.|[[Chris]]}}
[[Image:Trump.jpg|thumb|Pmurt.]]
'''Pmurt''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for 2016 Republican Presidential Elect [[wikipedia:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]. He pronounces it '''Murt''', based on his belief that the P is silent when the name is said backwards<ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>.

==Meaning of the name==
This CWC-ism comes from a [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote|Facebook comment from 25 September]] (partially quoted above), in which Chris says that "Trump spelled backwards is "Pmurt", [[Random Access Humor|which rhymes with hurt, and that Trump would badly "Pmurt" the US if elected.]]".

Reversing Trump’s name has twofold meanings. Firstly, names are particularly sacred to Chris<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref><ref>[[To Clyde Gregg]]</ref><ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref>; in his eyes, mocking anyone's name will severely degrade them — this article will establish that Chris has enormous distain for Donald Trump. Secondly, Chris has historically assumed that saying anything backwards induces subliminal stimuli<ref>[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref> — which he believe are enormously influential on the psyche ''and'' the physical body<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref>. Therefore, Chris may believe reversing Trump's name, in a negative context, might effectively alter his audience's perception of him. Beyond the random-access humor, Chris probably thinks his rendition of Trump’s name is a serious presidential objection for everyone to consider.

Chris continued using this backwards name in subsequent Facebook posts and videos.

==Opposition to Pmurt==
Chris is opposed to Pmurt becoming President for the following reasons:

*He "[[Chris and Hypocrisy|is very spiteful]]."<ref>July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card</ref>
*He is an "[[Chris|immature brat]] who mocks everyone."<ref>September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote</ref>
*He "Wants [[Chris and race|the immigrants to build their own "Keep Out" wall so [he] would kick them all out]]."
*He "hates our kind." [[homos|[LGBTQ]]]
*He "was a [[Autism|one-track tape]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|repeating himself]] [[Honor Roll|on pat deeds]] [[CADD|that he was "proud"(?)]] of."<ref>September 2016 Facebook posts#"Thoughts" on the debate</ref>
*He has "ideals of [[Chris and money|cutting finances]] from all of the more important resources the country needs in communities and feeding the industries from the National Debt. And he acted against the immigrants in that topic as well; [[Monthly Tugboat|they have to work too, you know.]]"
*He is a [[Jerk|male]]. In February 2016, Chris said "I feel like American needs a woman's touch finally after all these years"<ref>[[Update 02/16/2016]]</ref> as a reason for why he wanted Hillary Clinton [[Women's Rights|to become president.]]

Chris has also [[Honor Roll|cited an episode of The Simpsons]] as one of his major sources for being anti-Pmurt<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>.

Interestingly, both Pmurt and Chris [[Megan|have been accused of sexual harassment]].

==Death Threats==
Chris's hatred of Pmurt is so great that he made three videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on Pmurt with ''[[Transformers]]'' and ''[[My Little Pony]]'' toys.<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>, including one where he destroyed a Transformers toy<ref>[[Eid, Pmurt, Eid‎‎]]</ref>, further showing his lack of [[chris and money|financial]] [[Financhu Crisis|sense]]

'''Timeline'''

On November 9, 2016, Chris made several enraged [[death threats]] against the President-elect. He continued his tirade the next day, in spite of the possibility that it could land him in serious legal trouble. According to [http://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title18/part1/chapter41&edition=prelim United States code], a threat against the President-elect is punishable by a fine and/or a maximum of five years in prison.

'''9 November'''

*3:28 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated|posts on Facebook]] that he wants someone to assassinate Trump with a sniper rifle. Chris's Twitter account automatically tweets the post.

*3:39 am - Chris [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|uploads a YouTube video]] depicting him smashing a ''Transformers'' toy in effigy of Trump, while screaming "die!"

*3:40 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!|posts on Facebook]] again. He links to the YouTube video and says Trump "should Die now" before taking office. The tweet is also published to his Twitter account.

*5:15 am - The "sniper rifle" death threat disappears from Facebook<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-calls-for-the-assassination-of-our-dear-leader.25664/page-4#post-1865911</ref>.

*8:30 am - An Infowars.com [http://www.infowars.com/hillary-supporters-burn-american-flag-riot-threaten-to-kill-trump-after-losing-election/ article], featuring Chris's death threat in tweet form, is published.

*11 pm - The same threat disappears from Twitter<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-calls-for-the-assassination-of-our-dear-leader.25664/page-14#post-1869300</ref>.

'''10 November'''
*4:07 am - Chris [[Twitter#10 November 2016.1|tweets]] the Infowars article.

*4:23 am - Chris [[Twitter#10 November 2016.2|tweets]] that he wants his audience to join him in wishing death to President-elect Trump before January 2017.

*6:53 pm - Chris again [[Twitter#10 November 2016.3|tweets]] to pray for Trump's death. He also prays for Vice President-elect Mike Pence's death. He then links to [https://act.credoaction.com/sign/russell_amendment?sp_ref=243409817.4.176471.o.1.2&referring_akid=.8183343.3BGNtd&source=clickcopy_sp a petition] from Credo Action, concerning the "anti-LGBTQ Russell Amendment."

==See Also==
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[Death Threats]]

==Sources==
<references/>
{{People}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Stubs]]

26 December 2014

2015-12-02T23:33:46Z

FishDicks: /* Fan Videos */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly notorious day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise, and he was already banned from the store. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying, committing further acts of vandalism might have been his real agenda that day. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, which implies that Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It went on to gain almost 300,000 views, making it one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, perhaps being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation are not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was Rocky.

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the PD came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: Chris Chan maces a GameStop Employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|r1QqE9XC8VU}}
| stardate = 18 [[November 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[https://www.lolwutburger.deviantart.com|Lolwutburger]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow Shirt]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

26 December 2014

2015-12-02T23:31:07Z

FishDicks: /* Fan Videos */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly notorious day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise, and he was already banned from the store. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying, committing further acts of vandalism might have been his real agenda that day. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, which implies that Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It went on to gain almost 300,000 views, making it one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, perhaps being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation are not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was Rocky.

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the PD came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Vital Fire
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: Chris Chan maces a GameStop Employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|r1QqE9XC8VU}}
| stardate = 18 [[November 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[https://www.lolwutburger.deviantart.com|Lolwutburger]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow Shirt]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

26 December 2014

2015-11-20T20:50:44Z

FishDicks: Undo revision 191656 by FishDicks (talk)

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly notorious day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541.00 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise, and he was already banned from the store. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying, committing further acts of vandalism might have been his real agenda that day. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, which implies that Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It went on to gain almost 300,000 views, making it one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, perhaps being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Chris and his ego|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation are not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was Rocky.

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the PD came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: Chris Chan maces a GameStop Employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|r1QqE9XC8VU}}
| stardate = 18 [[November 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[https://www.lolwutburger.deviantart.com|Lolwutburger]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

26 December 2014

2015-11-20T20:50:06Z

FishDicks: /* Fan Videos */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
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[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly notorious day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541.00 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise, and he was already banned from the store. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying, committing further acts of vandalism might have been his real agenda that day. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, which implies that Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It went on to gain almost 300,000 views, making it one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, perhaps being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Chris and his ego|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation are not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was Rocky.

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the PD came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: Chris Chan maces a GameStop Employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|r1QqE9XC8VU}}
| stardate = 18 [[November 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[https://www.lolwutburger.deviantart.com|Lolwutburger]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

I Love You, Catherine

2015-11-15T19:56:09Z

FishDicks: /* Video */

{{Articleofthenow}}

"'''I Love You, Catherine'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] by [[Chris]] on 4 [[October 2014]]. The video contains an apology to a [[troll]]ing [[gal-pal]] named [[Catherine]], the mystery sweetheart Chris had been posting about on [[Facebook]] for the past few months. Chris wears [[Tomgirl|a skirt and stockings]] along with his old [[high school]] sweatshirt. A woman's headband can be seen in his ever-thinning [[hair]]line. It was filmed in the [[Rental House]] Chris and [[Barb]] had been staying in after the [[Destruction of Chris's House|fire]].

Chris appears to be at his lowest point since [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]] and [[CWC is Sad]], speaking in a low monotone and at times coming close to tearing up. It is possible that Chris is showing actual remorse here, instead of his [[Chris and remorse|usual bullshit]]. That, or this is just him being sad over losing some [[china]].

Note that the video has [[Chris and cinematography|the usual]] murky green tint as well as skips in the audio, despite Chris's [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] having much better recording quality than his [[PSEye]].

==Description==

{{quotebox|I deepestly apologize to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to [[Colin]] for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to [[Open Relationship E-mails|Shaina]] for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better [[Homos#Chris and transgender topics|Lesbian Transgender]] Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person ([[Troll]]) who has found the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Love You, Catherine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3WaCIBbMXfo}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2014]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Mario Kart 8 Videos#Mario Circuit|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
| next = [[To Mr. Smith]]
}}

===Transcript===
[''"[[wikipedia:Theme from A Summer Place|Theme from A Summer Place]]" playing in background'']

[''immediate jump cut'']--is Christian Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]. I'm recording this vid-video because I have... [[Chris and remorse|apologies to make]]. I...want to apologize to, uh... Shaina, who was...a good friend of mine - but not my s- girlfriend - uh, been helping me- been helping me out in relaying details and whatnot amongst, uh, my... sweetheart, another one of my gal-pals, and uh, uh ''[does his [[stress sigh]]]''... new... man of the hour. Anyway, um, alright, Shaina has been relaying messages on and off between me and, uh, uh... his name is Colin, and, uh, my sc-school gal-pal Rebecca who introduced me to Shayna in the first place. Anyway, I, uh, with my sweetheart, uh, everyone oughta know her by now who knows me, because they found the CD I gave her. Yeah, her name is Catherine. So, yeah, with that, uh, I would really appreciate having the CD sent back to me and I'll make sure she gets it 'cause it's the master copy, as well as the master print and handwriting in there, so I would really mu- appreciate getting that back.

Anyway, I've royally screwed up here, because, uh, while Catherine was in New York recently, for, uh, a bachelorette party of a friend of Shaina's, uh...''[deep swallow followed by sigh]'' sh-...yeah, uh, Colin asked her and Shaina asked her to go out for a sailboat ride. Uh, Shaina couldn't make it but Catherine went. They had a good ti- they had a fun time on the boat. Nothing else happened. Colin treated her with respect, and I'm guessing kept his distance, but definitely respected my sweetheart, and uh... I made assumptions because I did not know better and I had other fears in my mind as well. I had, uh, [[Noviophobia|assumed]] Colin was the type that would [[rape|take advantage]] of other women, and, uh... most importantly, Cat- my Catherine, and I had assumed from what he told me that, uh, it was kind of, uh, lackadaisical, and insincere. Would not take, uh, would not listen to me very seriously.

Anyway, I beg to put it into a pun, I've made an ass of myself by making so many assumptions. Anyway, it all turned out very bad, especially for, uh... Catherine... [[Chris and his ego|and me]]. I've just been feeling really bad about that. Uh... I'm sorry, Shaina, for putting you through the in-between people-- work-- luh, I appreciate you doing that very much. And Colin, I'm very sorry for all the [[JERKS|assumptions]] I made about you. I would like to think better of you as a person, and I... I trust you-- I am trusting you from the-- all that, yeah. And most importantly, I'm very sorry to my sweetheart Catherine. ''[Chris facepalms]'' I just... She's been going through a lot as well... she need- she needed a good time as well to get away from the bad things of life that's bothering her, but it's relevant to her father. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Anyway, Catherine, you mean the world to me, sweetheart, you really do, and.. I mean to treat you as a partner, I do. And I don't mean to treat you as a child, uh... I've been going under a lot of my own [[Stress|stresses]] lately. ''[Begins to tear up a little]'' Especially in response to everything, and I... ''[Chris facepalms again]'' I miss my father every day... Sigh.. It all hurts. My [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris and religion|soul]], they what to you, Catherine, they really-- I-I really do send my heart out so if you wanna keep it with you, keep my heart and soul as well. I love and I care about you so much and I respect you and I mean very well in my intentions. [[ShecameforCWC|Always]]. Even if they aren't the best impulses out of all that. [[White_Knight#Chris.27_life_would_still_be_a_disaster_even_if_the_trolls_never_bothered_him|I'm very sorry for all the mistakes I've made]]. ''[Chris facepalms a third time, then starts his godawful singing.]''

I can't stop [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|loving you]]~

Deep within my heart~

[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|I don't know all the lyrics]]~

So I'll just sing from the bottom of my heart~

And the depths of my soul~

[''dramatic pause''] I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Hello, my sweety baby]]|nextlink=[[To Mr. Smith]]}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

26 December 2014

2015-10-11T05:57:01Z

FishDicks: /* Fan Videos */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly infamous day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. Chris's fans wait with bated breath to see what, if any, punishment he will receive, and whether he will learn anything from it.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise, and he was already banned from the store. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying, committing further acts of vandalism might have been his real agenda that day. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, which implies that Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The internet learned of the above drama when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It went on to gain almost 300,000 views, making it one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, perhaps being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Chris and his ego|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]
This is the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. Chris may be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris has been forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearings.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had had several hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans are frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds , but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Nudes

2015-10-08T21:29:32Z

FishDicks: /* Gallery of horrors */

{{Honest}}

[[Image:CWCnudes.jpg|thumb|right|Typical reaction to Chris Chan nudes.]]

On several occasions, '''nude''' photographs and screencaps showing [[Chris]]'s uncovered or scantly covered body, often including his [[duck|genitals]], have leaked onto the [[Internet]].

==History==
The first nudes were obtained by [[Lordsillynipples]], a [[troll]] posing as Chris's off-and-on sweetheart [[Blanca Weiss]]. They hit the Internet on [[Twin Falling Towers|11]] [[September 2008]] and were quickly followed by a second round of photos released five days later by trolls who hacked Chris's e-mail account. They included photos of a mostly-naked Chris standing around in his room, close-up shots of his flaccid [[duck]] with a crude cartoon of [[Sonichu]] on it, and the infamous photo of Chris posing in his [[mother]]'s underwear.

In the first set of nudes, Chris was smart enough not to include his face in any of the pictures. However, he was [[Naive|foolish]] enough to take them in what was clearly his room, complete with a picture of [[Rosechu]] visible in the background.

21 September 2008 saw the release of webcam-snapped photos showing more of Chris's penis. On 25 September, they were followed by a series of [[Chris Sex Videos|sex videos]] Chris recorded at the behest of his would-be sweetheart [[PandaHalo]]. These featured Chris [[Mass debating|masturbating]] and employing the [[fapcup]], and gave the world a good look at the joint in his duck for the first time. Even more masturbation videos hit the web two weeks later, on 6 [[October 2008]].

Chris's blow-up doll sex tape, [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], is perhaps the most famous exposure his body has ever received. It was leaked on 20 [[February 2009]]. It came close to being equaled on 16 [[April 2009]], however, when Chris recorded a [[April 16 Fetish Vids|series of videos]] for his new sweetheart [[Ivy]] where (among other things) he stripped naked, danced in his shower, and spanked himself on camera.

After the [[CWCFlyingElephants]] video, leaked on 27 April 2009, Chris's naked body did not reappear on the internet for nearly two years. Unfortunately, it did not leave us for good. He showed off his duck once again (to what he believed was a limited audience) in the [[Cwcsicle]] clip, leaked in [[March 2011]], and more bare flesh followed a month later in the [[Tomgirl Pictures]].

Meanwhile, potential sweetheart [[Jackie]] persuaded to make two more NSFW videos. In [[Little Tomboy Blue]], Chris performs a striptease, showing his cleavage and jiggling his ass. And in what might be his most disgusting video (although the competition is stiff), [[Cakefarts]] features his chocolate-covered butt and semi-erect duck, with the bend apparent. Both videos were apparently produced in July 2011 and released to a rapturous public in February 2012, on Chris's birthday.

Coming out as a lesbian transgender in mid-2014 required Chris to reevaluate his genitalia, and he proudly showed off several modifications to his sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals. In September he pierced his taint, dubbing it the [[un-clit]], and we got to see one of the few remaining parts of Chris's body which he had not yet revealed. Around the same time he took photos of his crotch to demonstrate how he tucks his junk with a red dildo harness.

==Drawn nudes==
On several occasions, Chris has drawn images depicting himself, his friends, or characters from his comic without clothes on, often engaging in sexual acts. For information on these images, see [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]].

==Gallery of horrors==

{{gallery
|Fair warning is given, viewing these images may result in blindness and/or copious amounts of vomit. Also, the less these are viewed at work, the better.
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:Cwcshaven.JPG|The sad thing is, it's longer and wider when it's limp. Plus, the bend isn't as obvious.
Image:CWCMyduck.JPG|The uncensored image constitutes a crime against humanity in accordance with international law.
Image:CWCass.JPG|This was sent to a straight woman, because straight women are turned on by men's asses.
Image:CWCanus.JPG|Where Chris [[Julie Reveals Herself|stores his medallions]].
Image:CWCduck.jpg|In all its [[Jew|cut]] glory.
Image:Bent_duck.jpg|Note the green bathrobe that Chris would later wear in the recycling video.
Image:Cwcduckling.JPG‎|Mother of God.......
Image:CWCsonichuduck.JPG|It is unknown whether drawing Sonichu on his penis was Chris's or lordsillynipples's idea.
Image:fapcupwhy.jpg|Chris using the [[Fapcup]].
Image:CWCs-Weeping-Pickle.jpg|The aftermath from using the Fapcup. Notice how [[navy]] is still dripping from his shrunken duck.
File:CWCpanties1.JPG|Chris in his mother's panties, apparently for [[Blanca]]'s benefit.
File:Panties 1.png|Another.
File:Panties 2.png|Yet another.
Image:CWCmassdebate.jpg|Screencaps from a [[Chris Sex Videos|webcam video]] shot in the Chandler's filthy kitchen.
File:Assofterror.jpg|Chris's ass of terror, part of a video for [[Vanessa]].
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris slips and almost seriously injures himself while dancing naked in his filthy shower.
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|Guess he's a shower, not a grower.
Image:Spanking3.jpg|Chris spanks himself and films it as an apology to [[Ivy]].
File:Ecp00066.jpg|Chris is also forced to wear a [[butt garments|diaper]] for Ivy, but winks to make it sexy.
Image:CWCtopless.jpg|Topless, but not medallionless.
File:TG13.jpg|One of the [[tomgirl]] images. Technically not nude--he's wearing a banana hammock.
File:TG20.jpg|Another sexy tomgirl photo, as seen by millions on MTV.
File:Unclit (NSFL).jpg|Chris's taint piercing, the [[un-clit]].
File:Unclit (INFECTED!!!).jpg|A few weeks later, and the piercing is infected.
File:ChrisContraption 03.JPG|Chris demonstrating how he tucks his duck, with bonus un-clit.
</gallery>}}

[[Category:N00dz]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Metal Gear

2015-09-24T18:55:01Z

FishDicks: /* MGS and Chris */

[[File:Phantom Stress.jpg|thumb|Coming [[2015]] to a [[26 December 2014|GameStop]] near you!]]
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris [[Don't Mess With Me|using CQC]] on [[Clyde Cash]] while wearing the [[Chris and fashion|Red-Blue Stripe]] camoflage]]
[[Image:Torture.jpg|thumb|right|"We live in a sad age. [[YouTube]], [[PSEye]]s, [[For Julie's Eyes Only|leaked]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|videos]]... [[1990s]] [[Internet]] had its share of [[trolls]], but at least they had no streaming video. Internet today makes things too easy."]]

'''''Metal Gear Solid''''' is a series of stealth [[video games]], part of the ''Metal Gear'' series and beginning in [[1998]]. Being that ''Metal Gear Solid'' is [[Clyde Cash|so cash]], and many veteran [[trolls]] emerged from the depths of [[4chan|/v/]] (where [[Fapcup|wanking]] to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] is mandatory), several ''MGS'' references have emerged. Even [[Chris]] has made some possibly unintentional nods to the franchise. [[Vivian]] has also proclaimed her love for [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Liquid Snake]].

==Allusions made by trolls==

[[Image:Maryleewalshpatriot.png|thumb|The picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh|Big Dean]] featured in the "Good Fan Art" article at [[CWCipedia]]]]
* [[The Miscreants]] are an obvious [[parody]] of [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#The Patriots|the Patriots]], except while the Patriots specialize in (con)trolling the world, the Miscreants' main field of interest involves manipulating and monitoring the [[saga]]s and events of a certain autistic manchild.
* The Miscreants' codenames all go along the lines of, "The (x)". This is a nod to ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3|Metal Gear Solid 3]]'', where one must face [[Blanca|The Pain]], [[Sarah May|The Fear]], [[Ivy|The End]], and [[BlueSpike#Julie|The Fury]].
* "Liquid Chris" was the codename for [[CChanSonichuCWC]], noting that [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]] was Solid Snake's genetic twin and enemy who had inherited the recessive genes of their father Big Boss and was therefore led to believe himself inferior, with the irony being that Liquid Chris excelled in everything Solid Chris does.
* Chris's appearance resembles Big Boss in the fan comic "Sonichu Finale".
* [[Wild Sonichu]] was crafted into a Solid Snake lookalike for a scene in episode 7 of ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'', where he has sex with a cardboard box before breaking into [[4-cent garbage.com]]'s HQ.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] goes by the e-handle "Liquid Snake".
* Some of [[User:Lime/Clyde vs. Chris: Day by Day|Clyde's messages to Chris]] contain footage from the series.

==''MGS'' and Chris==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|left|Big Boss appeared in ''[[Sonichu 8]]'', but was mauled by faggotry]]
[[Image:KNOWTHEDIFFERENCE.JPG|thumb|[[Sonichu 8|It really could]]]]
[[File:Mgson.png|thumb|WEAR A [[Muscle bra|MUSCLE BRA]]!]]
*[[LittleBigPlanet#Metal Speed Solid|Metal Speed Solid]] is one of the ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' levels made by Chris. Yes, it's really bad.
* Gecko and Mantis are shown as chefs in [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. While physically deformed [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|mutants]], their names are reference to the [[troll]] Gecko Mantis, who got his name from the elite bio-mechanical robot originating from ''MGS4'', and Psycho Mantis, a psychic soldier appearing in ''MGS1'' and briefly in ''MGS4''.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was portrayed similar to Big Boss, with brown hair, a headband and an eye patch. For a while, it was assumed that Chris browsed /v/ for three seconds, saw a Big Boss picture and decided it was close enough, despite Big Boss and Liquid Snake (Jason's e-alias) being radically different characters. Later, Jason revealed that Chris saw an old picture of him with an eye patch on [[MySpace]];<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY A Jason Retrospective Part 2]</ref> which makes a bit more sense, as Chris wouldn't go near any place as [[alcohol|drunky]] or [[Tobacky|smokey]] as /v/.
* Wild sneaks into the 4-cent garbage.com company headquarters, which is apparently full of empty red corridors. Chris may be making a subtle joke at ''Metal Gear Solid'''s typical bland military bases. Or, far more likely, he is too [[stress]]ed to include enemies, or details.
*Chris made a ''Metal Gear'' [[Sonichu]] model for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', who, with enough [[alcohol|booze]], vaguely resembles Master Miller from Metal Gear 2, Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker, and Metal Gear Solid V.
{{clear}}

==Notes==
Chris has purchased ''Metal Gear Solid'' from the [[PSN]]; however, he most likely has not touched it because he's too busy playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' or ''Wheel of Fortune'' and the fact that [[Sonichu Special 4|sneaking behind enemies instead of attacking them head-on]] is too stressful for him. The Metal Gear Solid games are known for having a ''lot'' of [[homos|homoerotic]] themes, whether or not Chris is aware of this is unknown.

==See also==
[[File:Chuhoundlogo.jpg|thumb|The [[True and Honest]] ChuHound logo]]

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson|Solid Chris]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V|Solidus Chris]]
*[[The Miscreants]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri5sRCd-LNs METAL LOVE SOLID 3: STRAIGHT ANGER]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdhYYH1_5SQ CWC 4 - Puns of the Patridiots]

[[Category:Video Games]]

A-Logs

2015-09-24T18:07:52Z

FishDicks: /* Chris is not Hitler */

[[File:A_Log.jpg|thumb|240px|The original A-Log in all his glory.]]
[[File:A-Logging in nutshell.jpg|thumb|A-Logging in a nutshell. You don't even need to watch the video in question; the title and thumbnail are enough.]]
[[File:ILoveRobotR34AndMeNotBeingChrisCompletelyJustifiesIt.jpg|thumb|"Hey, at least it's not Chris-Chan doing it."]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Protip|This article is about the term "A-Logging", not about Anthony LoGatto himself. Information on the latter should go to his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page.}}
{{quote|What Saddam did in the [[Father Call|Gulf War]] was potatoes to what [[Chris]] has done.|A-Log providing a helpful example of A-Logging.}}

'''A-Logging''' is a term used to describe one wishing harm (usually physical) upon Chris, usually for perceived "crimes" that Chris is "guilty" of. The people who do this are known as '''A-Logs''', and are considered at the other end of the spectrum from [[white knight]]s; where white knights try to defend Chris from [[trolls]] and help him to improve his situation, A-Logs hold the belief that Chris is deserving of whatever scorn and harm he is subjected to, and then some. A-Logs can also be interchangeably referred to as [[weens]], as A-Logging and weening often overlap, although there is a distinction between the two. While once fashionable, A-Logging has become associated with people trying to "trollshield" themselves, like the original A-Log, and therefore is looked down upon by Christorians.

The term originates from '''Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto''', a [[YouTube]]r who is known for making commentaries on Chris, which are often considered to be the worst ever made. He often points out the obvious (a no-no in the commentary community) instead of making points about what Chris is doing is wrong, and goes on about how Chris is an awful person (and how he, A-Log, is better) who needs to have harm inflicted upon him. However, A-Log's monomania led trolls to wonder what he was trying to hide, leading to them doing a bit of research on him. The result was that A-Log became known as "Chris-Chan 2.0" because, as it happened, he had several faults similar to Chris himself, and could be considered worse than Chris. Among other things, he is a furry, has made terrible erotic fanfiction, is doing a laughable college radio show (from which he was almost fired after being caught [[Mass debating|watching]] [[Bob Walks In|porn]] in the studio), some awkward interviews at WolfDork.com, a leaked video of him doing a painfully bad stand-up routine, and much, much more. Ultimately, A-Log became subject to trolling himself, and is the inspiration for this very term. At one point, A-Log even received his own wiki called the "Logattopedia", which was relatively short-lived and unpopular.

==Features of A-Logging==
There are a few qualities which are common in A-Logs, and many of them can be seen in the original A-Log's commentaries.

===Justifications for trolling Chris===
Some would argue that it is sinister and just plain wrong to mock a mentally deficient person such as Chris. A-Logs therefore try to justify trolling him by arguing that, regardless of his [[autism]] and other undiagnosed problems, he has shown that he is a bad person who "deserves" to be trolled. Many A-Logs are themselves autistic, and they can often be heard making arguments along the lines of Chris "giving autistics a bad name." Others will appeal to his many instances of bigotry (most of them debatable) as reasons to troll Chris. By establishing that Chris is a bad person, it seems to justify that Chris not only deserves the treatment he currently receives, but also deserves physical and/or psychological harm inflicted on him.

While Chris has done some horrible things, including [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|cursing his former friend Megan Schroeder for trolling him]] (which of course, she didn't) and [[28 October 2011|running over Michael Snyder with his car]], it is still somewhat ironic that A-Logs think the best recourse is to wish him death and curse him back. Not to mention, they tend to ignore the factors that led Chris to behave in this way--unsurprisingly, unbridled malevolence is never one of them, as discussed in further detail below.

===Trollshielding===
Often times, A-Logs do so to "[https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Troll_Shielding trollshield]", that is, to avoid becoming subject to trolling themselves. Like A-Log himself, they tend to have many traits in common with Chris; they generally have an autism spectrum disorder, still live with their parents well into adulthood, are unemployed and/or are living off welfare, are sexually frustrated virgins, have trouble socializing and forming relationships, or are fixated on things aimed at children, like cartoons and toys that have limited appeal for most adults. Some perhaps have even more faults than Chris, especially bizarre fetishes. However, A-Logs will argue that at least they are "not like Chris" and are fervent in their urge to troll Chris so people don't troll them instead. More often than not, as in the case of the original A-Log, this backfires and they find themselves becoming the subject of trolling.

==Arguments against A-Logs==
While Chris is far from perfect, it is generally accepted that calling for him to be harmed or abused like A-Logs do legitimizes Chris's sense of victimization, and makes the A-Logs themselves look sociopathic and amoral.

===Chris is not Hitler===
While the [[CWCki]] certainly does not justify any of the bad things Chris has done, what A-Logs ''must'' understand is that Chris, while not exactly a likeable person, isn't guilty of "crimes" that must be punished with violence or abuse. We really shouldn't need to point out that Chris being compared to people like Saddam Hussein and Adolf Hitler is at best hyperbolic, and at worst, utter insanity. Hitler was responsible for the death of nearly 11 million civilians during World War II.<ref>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/36qs.html 36 Questions & Answers About the Holocaust]</ref> Hussein actively persecuted and murdered almost 200,000 Kurds and Shiite Muslims.<ref>[http://civilliberty.about.com/od/internationalhumanrights/p/saddam_hussein.htm]</ref> Chris's antics hardly compare to the atrocities committed by two feared and reviled dictators; he's just a gullible idiot who spends his time trying to hit on women (very badly) and make them his [[sweetheart]]s, rambling about [[Sonic Boom|blue arms]], [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] and playing [[vidya]].

While he ''is'' quite prone to [[rage]] and has a noted tendency to wish [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|very unpleasant]] [[death threats|things]] on those who wrong him, it should be plain to see that he is simply too lazy, weak, cowardly and incompetent to actually carry out whatever he threatens. After all, do you really think a man who took 20 seconds to open a Swiss Army knife is capable of killing anyone? Moreover, when taking Chris's childlike mental state into account, it's also quite possible he doesn't fully understand the gravity of what he wishes upon people when making death threats, especially when he's blinded by anger.

Chris is also known to exact violent retribution from those who have wronged him in his fictional works, which A-Logs tend to use as evidence of him being evil or psychopathic. For example, he is known to have beaten up representations of his real-life enemies in ''[[Soul Calibur]]'', and subjected them to particularly gruesome deaths in the ''[[Sonichu 8|Sonichu]]'' [[Sonichu 10|comics]]. However, not only are these gory episodes in [[CWCVille]] isolated incidents, but again, one must remember that he is resorting to this because he is sensible enough to realize that he could not do this in real life, due to his own weakness and because he knows he'll be punished for it, which is, in itself, an encouraging sign. Moreover, even if this were taken to be evidence of a violent streak, it does not merit abuse or punishment because obviously, he hasn't actually hurt anyone except an NPC in ''Soul Calibur''. While violent fantasies like these ''do'' merit anger management classes and/or a few sessions with a psychiatrist, they are ''not'' a green light for A-Logs to demonize Chris; he's mentally ill, and as such needs help, not hate.

Even in comparison to many other infamous internet personalities, Christian is in fact fairly benign. While many A-logs tend to justify their actions by arguing Chris could someday act on his fantasies and commit and act of violence or even rape, but tend to forget about people who have actually done those things. For perspective, fellow Lolcow [https://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Vade Vade] is widely believed to have intentionally caused her boyfriend to commit suicide in order to gain sympathy on Tumblr. She then used this sympathy to build a sizable legion of followers who would spam any Tumblr user Vade deemed offensive or unworthy, for a time nearly ruling the site like a micro-dictatorship. Yet for some reason countless A-logs direct their scorn at Chris even though his violent and authoritarian fantasies have remained fantasies.

A-Logs also tend to turn to the [[October 2011]] [[GAMe PLACe]] incident to try and portray Chris as a truly violent individual. More likely than not, Chris's actions on that day were the result of his mother's influence, nonexistent driving skills, and sheer blind panic rather than outright malevolence.<ref>[[28 October 2011#Email?|"Mom took the wheel"]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut|Chris exhibits poor judgement while driving]]</ref> Likewise, Chris's decision to visit a local [[GameStop]] despite being banned [[26 December 2014|and subsequently macing of an employee]] who tried to get him to leave were not the product of malevolence on Chris's part. It was caused by Chris's [[Chris and reality|assumption]] that he would be allowed in because he was [[Honor roll|in disguise]], and [[Ego|because he]] [[Autism|had decided]] that his ban didn't apply because he was there to buy, not to [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalize merchandise]], which had got him banned in the first place. Additionally, the leaked video of the incident shows Chris merely spraying at the employee's shirt rather than his face, which lends credence to Chris's own account that he was simply issuing a warning shot in case the employee tried to detain him, not trying to actually harm the man. All in all, the GameStop incident was caused, not by a violent streak, but by Chris's persistent habit of trying to circumnavigate rules when they inconvenience him.

===There's no legal defense over attacking Chris for real===
Perhaps the best reason against A-Logging is the legal liability (i.e. being charged and possibly convicted of stalking, terroristic threats, assault, or a myriad of other possible charges). Whatever feelings you may have about Chris, there is no legal defense for taking the law into your own hands and subsequently ending up with a possible life-altering felony conviction. In addition to this, part of the charm of watching Chris is in his eternal rage over a nonexistent enemy. Committing actual violence would only justify Chris's paranoia.

===Chris's beliefs are simply ignorant, not supremacist===
While Chris has held some politically incorrect, even bigoted opinions in the past, they hardly seem to suggest Chris is an amoral monster. One must consider that Chris was raised by and has spent his entire life around [[Borb|2 elderly, disturbed rednecks]]. Of ''course'' he has socially unacceptable beliefs on controversial topics such as race and sexuality--they were given to him by people whose every word he has unquestioningly accepted since he was young.

Aside from this, Chris's discomfort around black people is arguably more from failing to understand social norms. Chris simply doesn't understand that one does not announce to the world one is discomforted by African-Americans; this is far from the outright ideology of white supremacy that your average neo-Nazi would have. Chris has no history of actually going out and lynching blacks or other minorities that discomfort him. Chris's notable offenses have been applying stereotypes to and picking on the black kids who defeated him in [[TCGs]] at the GAMe PLACe, as well as using "Jew" as a pejorative against [[Michael Snyder]], who Chris inaccurately thinks is Jewish, and taking photos of an elderly black woman who was giving him "a hard time" and putting it on Facebook without her permission. One of Chris's grievances, if you can call it that, is that non-white women don't fit his ideal vision of a [[sweetheart]], which he constantly fails to properly articulate; it is entirely possible for a non-racist white man to not be sexually attracted to non-white women. Chris has also used the racial slur of "nigger" in a few of his means of communication, though he shows some degree of reservation where he uses this word. During the [[Lars Call]], Chris showed great apprehension towards using the word "nigga" and only did so when Lars gave him implicit permission. One of the most famous instances of Chris's use of the word "nigger" is in his video confronting [[Surfshack Tito]] on his trolling efforts.<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb#Video|On camera use of the word "nigger"]]</ref> In this video, Chris's racism is often found humorous as Tito is Hawaiian, not black. Moreover, Chris's usage of the word in [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]] is the result of it being an adaptation of a song from the racially-charged show ''[[Adult Swim|The Boondocks]]'', and pure laziness to change every racist part in the song to homophobic parts. When one examines Chris's use of the word, he does not show any understanding of the complexity, history, proper context, or underlying implications of the slur.<ref>[[Surfshack Tito E-mails|Chris's liberal use of "nigger"]]</ref> He simply repeats it blindly as he knows it that it is edgy and offensive to black people.

In regards to his homophobia, while his reasons are ill-informed at best, again, [[Bob]] is the likely source of Chris's dislike of homosexuals. Remember that Chris has had very little friendly interaction with ''anyone'', never mind true homosexuals.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call#Transcript|"[...]conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were gay[...]"]]</ref><ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|"[...]and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me."]]</ref> It is also worth noting that trolls are at least partially to blame for his hatred of homosexuals, as they would often pretend to be homosexuals, or spam his websites with homoerotic images, to get under his skin, not to mention that they often pretended to be black for the same reasons. As a result, Chris, in his autism, began to believe that all trolls are gay black men, and thus cement his disdain for homosexuals and black people, as he thought they were responsible for the trolling he was subject to. A-Logs also like to appeal to his attempts to "cure all the homos" with a vaccine made with his blood in the comics as proof positive of his homophobia. While this may be so, it is often seen as unintentionally funny by Christorians--not only because it shows his ignorance of science, but also because vaccines are made with dead cells infected with the disease they are curing--meaning that Chris unknowingly implied that he was gay. In short, Chris is ''not'' the Westboro Baptist Church--he doesn't go around picketing the funerals of dead gays, nor is he head of a power-lobbying group against LGBT individuals in Washington. He's just a redneck who's too indoctrinated by his parents and unused to minorities, or the concept of people being different to him, to know better.

It is also worth noting that with Bob gone, and [[Barb]] soon to follow, Chris has began to emerge from his parents' influence, and has began to back-pedal on his bigotry towards minorities. In particular, Chris has began to express his desire to become a lesbian transwoman, and has accordingly apologized on Facebook for his previous bigotry towards homosexuals, and become a staunch supporter of LGBTIQ rights. He has even began attending [[Impulse Gay Social Club|gay bars]], the one thing he said he'd never do.

===Chris just cannot get a job===
Some A-Logs contend that Chris is a bad person because he "steals" [[taxpayer money]]. What is almost always overlooked by A-Logs who make this claim is that it wasn't Chris who applied for social security disability; it was Bob who applied for and convinced Chris that he would make more from disability benefits than working at a minimum wage job. Realistically, Chris didn't have any say in the matter because Bob was the head of the house, and as such it was at his whim that Chris had food, shelter and clothing.

So why doesn't Chris "get off his lazy butt and earn his keep"? Well, because there are a couple of very difficult barriers that stand in his way that many A-Logs simply don’t take into consideration.

First, there is the bureaucratic red tape and regulations involved in someone who is on disability working full-time. Ironically, it isn't Chris sitting around playing video games day after day receiving a government check that would likely get him in trouble for disability fraud, it would be working full-time at a minimum wage job while still getting a disability check that would get him in trouble.

Second, there is the issue of Chris's lack of preparation in independent living skills as well as his lack of coaching in finding a job and being able to keep it. Moreover, given the existence of this wiki, and the fact that it is standard these days for employers to Google potential employees, it would more likely than not take someone working in human services or in the employment field (that has ''extremely'' good connections) and a job coach (on a long-term basis) to convince a sceptical employer to give Chris a realistic chance at successfully getting and keeping a job. In addition, given Chris's rap sheet, even under ideal circumstances Chris's chances at decent employment may be slim at best. Chris has been convicted for the events of 28 October 2011 and 26 December 2014, which would deter potential employers, regardless of his ability to perform to tasks they set him. While it may sound attractive to the uninformed to "[[Kick the Autistic|kick his ass]]" when it comes to Chris working, in reality there are deep-seated issues that go way beyond the expertise of a few trolls, and no amount of A-Logging can change this.

===Chris is just an idiot===
Chris is not mentally retarded as defined by medical standards and as he [[Exposing Jeff|claims]]. His IQ is within normal range. What trips him up is his lack of common sense. He actually believed that an [[Vanessa Hudgens|attractive celebrity]] was interested in him sexually and that he was talking to her. He used to insist that he'd had many [[sweethearts]], all very attractive women, and never seemed to find it curious that they all either died, disappeared, or were unmasked as trolls. He is an easy mark, not a criminal mastermind.

===Most people can avoid being trolled===
Chris ''does'' share traits with a lot of people, and some of these traits are quite disturbing and embarrassing. It's a fair assumption that a lot of people who follow Chris's antics are unemployed gamer losers, for example. A lot of people have seen Chris and uttered in their minds "Finally, here's someone who's far more pathetic than ''I'' am!"

But before you fall into the fallacy of believing that vociferously condemning Chris will save you from the same fate, remember that having embarrassing traits like Chris's ''doesn't'' automatically make you subject to the sort of trolling Chris has had. It ''may'' make you subject to ridicule, but what's more important is how ''you'' respond to the ridicule. You could be like Chris and get [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|BLANGRY]] at every traitorous troll [[Laughs Under Lucricities|under lucricities]], and give the trolls power over you just like Chris did.

Or you could laugh with them at your faults, or even just ignore them and go about your business. Trolls generally aren't interested in people they can't coax a reaction out of. This vital recognition is something Chris never managed, and what set him down the path to perennial trolling in the first place. All in all, if you don't want to end up like him, A-Logging isn't the way to do it. But avoiding the myriad of mistakes Chris and A-Log made is.

==The Hall of A-Logging Shame==
In this section, the CWCki has compiled several comments (and plenty more to come) from A-Logs on YouTube and elsewhere.

{{quote|Obviously you've never heard of what he calls other people who are autistic, and that he calls people with [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]](such as myself) "fakers". he doesn't deserve some, he deserves everything for giving us a bad name. The [[trolls]] are also doing what they do to him for a good reason. it's not about the autism to them, but more of that he's a moron who is evil reincarnate and deserves to go back to hell. I don't believe you know what all CWC has done to us on youtube.|GamerXZ0, in a YouTube comment on an original upload of an A-Log video.}}

{{quote|29 years ago today, satan was born and molded into the fucktardian [[Duck|PENIS]] we know & despise today! Should i ever see him i'm gonna [[wikipedia:Mass Transit incident (professional wrestling)|destroy him worse than new jack did to mass transit!]]|ISLAVERDE29, another YouTube comment on an older A-Log video.}}

{{quote|actually, I think I prefer putting many bullets in this faggots head instead.|hanchiman on the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]].}}

{{quote|Hooray [[Bob Chandler|he's]] dead. Now he'lll be spending his eternity in hell while I go piss on his grave.|mxc82, again, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's older videos, referring to Bob's death.}}

{{quote|Mostly because I was hoping the video would end with him getting shot dead. by the [[Ruckersville]] [[Jerkops|police]]. You can imagine how disappointed I am to find him still alive and kicking when the video is over.|CKO92 on YouTube, reacting over the [[CWC_Lego_Manchester_High_School_Oct_18_2013|Lego High School]] video.}}

{{quote| You fucking brony piece of shit, go kill yourself. If i was your mother i would have an abortion.|randomletters on the Lego High School video.}}

{{quote|Chris Chan u are the single worst human being who ever live. If it wasn't for u fellow autistics and [[Sonichu|Sonic OC]] creators like me would be respected by the world. What you have done is unforgivable. I hope [[Barb]] dies and you spend the last minutes of your life crying about how your a pathetic failure fuck you|OfficialSteroidHedgy, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account.}}

{{quote|I hope you are ashamed that a retarded autistic person (just like yourself) killed 20 innocent kids....all autistic people should be wiped from the earth and aborted before birth since you are all evil i wish the worst fates that heaven and hell can bring upon you and all the other autistic pieces of shit like you|RealReplyGirl4Ever, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account- comparing Chris to [[wikipedia:Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|a man who shot up an elementary school]] and advocating genocide.}}

{{quote|Guess whose house burned down today. CHRIS-CHAN!|Bad Webcomics Wiki, gloating on their Facebook Page about [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Chris's house burning down]].}}

{{quote|HAHAHAHAHA|A response by the Bad Webcomics Wiki when a troll calls them out for the above.}}

{{quote|Sadly, yes.|Another post from the Bad Webcomics Wiki's Facebook Page, when told that Chris survived the fire.}}

{{quote|Words cannot adequately describe my '''utterly''' all-encompassing hatred and disgust for the grotesque entity that is Christian Weston Chandler. You Christian, are a shamelessly gruesome, inhuman monster. Everything you do and say only adds to your, almost incomprehensibly massive, list of atrocities. Were I to load up http://www.sonichu.com or some other Chris-Chan-related news source and saw that you finally died a death which properly corresponded to what you've inflicted upon this world, it would be the happiest day of my life.

Happiest. Day. Of. My. Life.|ephewe, on [[I Love You, Catherine]].}}

{{quote|Listen, you fat, autistic piece of shit. I've tolerated you so far because you're going to be my new neighbor, but this is the last straw. You traipse around your yard carrying blow up dolls and singing awkwardly, not to mention I can constantly hear you screaming at your mother. I am serious considering finishing cleaning this lot and selling this property to someone better equipped to handle someone like you. I was well within the city ordinances with this controlled brush burn. Also, if I see any other videos of me on my lot portraying me in a negative light, I will take up a libel suit with you.|Mac Slims, trying much too hard to pretend to be Chris's neighbor.}}

{{quote|God I fucking hate this piece of shit. I hope he dies.|JAZZ HANDS, on the [[26 December 2014|GameStop assault]] video.}}

{{quote|Why the fuck is he still alive!?

God, I mean, the guy looks ridiculous, he is also racist and an anti-social idiot that attacks people for no reason, and now he's a fucking burglar!? What's next, he will become the next Hitler?|Rafael Gutierrez, on the GameStop assault video.}}

{{quote|Yes people, THIS is the person Chris's trolls have been whiteknighting and pussing out on trolling because hes "had enough done to him" seriously, give me a break, this guy is an asshole and deserves anything that happens to him because its his OWN DAMN FAULT|TheMojoCorps, on the GameStop assault video.}}

{{quote|shut up you fatass faggot. go jump off a cliff and die.|Boner Dix, responding to a YouTube comment left by Chris}}

{{quote|Why can't this fucking freak of nature just die already?!!?!|Gogol ginn, on "The Best of Chris-Chan, Vol. 1"}}

{{quote|Someone strangle this fucker to death. Please.|Darkside780 on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]}}

{{quote|I just saw a semi-censored version. WHO THE FUCK MAKES THESE KINDS OF VIDS? He's acting like a retard and at the same time running around naked. I wish this man a slow, painful, death. I don't care about the lulz he gives us. This man is disturbing,creepy, and should not be allowed to join society.|thesideshowman212 on [[CWCFlyingElephants]]}}

{{quote|Proof perfect that autists should be dumped in the nearest alligator pit when their condition becomes apparent.|GalVorbak on the [[Sign Destruction Video]]}}

{{Quote|<poem>Whatever happened to predictability?
This crazy manchild doing weird shit each week.
Now he's left the internet, someone tell me please,
When will he die so I can throw a party?
Bob's as mean as I've ever seen
and Barbara's still coddling him
We've manipulated him for so damn long,
He's like an autistic sim,
Every time you look (everywhere),
There's a tard (There's a tard),
A retard to bully,
Every time you look (everywhere)
There's that face (dead-eyed stare),
To troll and to annoy.</poem>|videogamenostalgia, on [[FullHouse]]}}

{{Quote|I'd like to see someone argue that all human beings are worthy of life after watching chris's videos|xXJakethesnake117Xx, on [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]}}

==See Also==
*[[Weening]], another type of failed trolling, and a key aspect of A-Logging

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Anthony_%27A-Log%27_LoGatto Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto on Encyclopedia Dramatica]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/GeorgieBoyReturns YouTube: The A-Log Archive]
*[http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/04/log-man-in-mirror.html An article from Forces of Geek about A-Log, and a more in-depth look on A-Logging.]
*[http://real-life-villains.wikia.com/wiki/Christian_Weston_Chandler A good example of A-Logging on some shitty wiki (also A-Log being called an "oppressed autistic internet celebrity")]

[[Category: Trolling]]

A-Logs

2015-09-24T18:07:13Z

FishDicks: /* Chris is not Hitler */ I figured that there should be a little tidbit about Hussein since we mentioned him.

[[File:A_Log.jpg|thumb|240px|The original A-Log in all his glory.]]
[[File:A-Logging in nutshell.jpg|thumb|A-Logging in a nutshell. You don't even need to watch the video in question; the title and thumbnail are enough.]]
[[File:ILoveRobotR34AndMeNotBeingChrisCompletelyJustifiesIt.jpg|thumb|"Hey, at least it's not Chris-Chan doing it."]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Protip|This article is about the term "A-Logging", not about Anthony LoGatto himself. Information on the latter should go to his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page.}}
{{quote|What Saddam did in the [[Father Call|Gulf War]] was potatoes to what [[Chris]] has done.|A-Log providing a helpful example of A-Logging.}}

'''A-Logging''' is a term used to describe one wishing harm (usually physical) upon Chris, usually for perceived "crimes" that Chris is "guilty" of. The people who do this are known as '''A-Logs''', and are considered at the other end of the spectrum from [[white knight]]s; where white knights try to defend Chris from [[trolls]] and help him to improve his situation, A-Logs hold the belief that Chris is deserving of whatever scorn and harm he is subjected to, and then some. A-Logs can also be interchangeably referred to as [[weens]], as A-Logging and weening often overlap, although there is a distinction between the two. While once fashionable, A-Logging has become associated with people trying to "trollshield" themselves, like the original A-Log, and therefore is looked down upon by Christorians.

The term originates from '''Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto''', a [[YouTube]]r who is known for making commentaries on Chris, which are often considered to be the worst ever made. He often points out the obvious (a no-no in the commentary community) instead of making points about what Chris is doing is wrong, and goes on about how Chris is an awful person (and how he, A-Log, is better) who needs to have harm inflicted upon him. However, A-Log's monomania led trolls to wonder what he was trying to hide, leading to them doing a bit of research on him. The result was that A-Log became known as "Chris-Chan 2.0" because, as it happened, he had several faults similar to Chris himself, and could be considered worse than Chris. Among other things, he is a furry, has made terrible erotic fanfiction, is doing a laughable college radio show (from which he was almost fired after being caught [[Mass debating|watching]] [[Bob Walks In|porn]] in the studio), some awkward interviews at WolfDork.com, a leaked video of him doing a painfully bad stand-up routine, and much, much more. Ultimately, A-Log became subject to trolling himself, and is the inspiration for this very term. At one point, A-Log even received his own wiki called the "Logattopedia", which was relatively short-lived and unpopular.

==Features of A-Logging==
There are a few qualities which are common in A-Logs, and many of them can be seen in the original A-Log's commentaries.

===Justifications for trolling Chris===
Some would argue that it is sinister and just plain wrong to mock a mentally deficient person such as Chris. A-Logs therefore try to justify trolling him by arguing that, regardless of his [[autism]] and other undiagnosed problems, he has shown that he is a bad person who "deserves" to be trolled. Many A-Logs are themselves autistic, and they can often be heard making arguments along the lines of Chris "giving autistics a bad name." Others will appeal to his many instances of bigotry (most of them debatable) as reasons to troll Chris. By establishing that Chris is a bad person, it seems to justify that Chris not only deserves the treatment he currently receives, but also deserves physical and/or psychological harm inflicted on him.

While Chris has done some horrible things, including [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|cursing his former friend Megan Schroeder for trolling him]] (which of course, she didn't) and [[28 October 2011|running over Michael Snyder with his car]], it is still somewhat ironic that A-Logs think the best recourse is to wish him death and curse him back. Not to mention, they tend to ignore the factors that led Chris to behave in this way--unsurprisingly, unbridled malevolence is never one of them, as discussed in further detail below.

===Trollshielding===
Often times, A-Logs do so to "[https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Troll_Shielding trollshield]", that is, to avoid becoming subject to trolling themselves. Like A-Log himself, they tend to have many traits in common with Chris; they generally have an autism spectrum disorder, still live with their parents well into adulthood, are unemployed and/or are living off welfare, are sexually frustrated virgins, have trouble socializing and forming relationships, or are fixated on things aimed at children, like cartoons and toys that have limited appeal for most adults. Some perhaps have even more faults than Chris, especially bizarre fetishes. However, A-Logs will argue that at least they are "not like Chris" and are fervent in their urge to troll Chris so people don't troll them instead. More often than not, as in the case of the original A-Log, this backfires and they find themselves becoming the subject of trolling.

==Arguments against A-Logs==
While Chris is far from perfect, it is generally accepted that calling for him to be harmed or abused like A-Logs do legitimizes Chris's sense of victimization, and makes the A-Logs themselves look sociopathic and amoral.

===Chris is not Hitler===
While the [[CWCki]] certainly does not justify any of the bad things Chris has done, what A-Logs ''must'' understand is that Chris, while not exactly a likeable person, isn't guilty of "crimes" that must be punished with violence or abuse. We really shouldn't need to point out that Chris being compared to people like Saddam Hussein and Adolf Hitler is at best hyperbolic, and at worst, utter insanity. Hitler was responsible for the death of nearly 11 million civilians during World War II.<ref>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/36qs.html 36 Questions & Answers About the Holocaust]</ref> Hussein actively prosecuted and murdered almost 200,000 Kurds and Shiite Muslims.<ref>[http://civilliberty.about.com/od/internationalhumanrights/p/saddam_hussein.htm]</ref> Chris's antics hardly compare to the atrocities committed by two feared and reviled dictators; he's just a gullible idiot who spends his time trying to hit on women (very badly) and make them his [[sweetheart]]s, rambling about [[Sonic Boom|blue arms]], [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] and playing [[vidya]].

While he ''is'' quite prone to [[rage]] and has a noted tendency to wish [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|very unpleasant]] [[death threats|things]] on those who wrong him, it should be plain to see that he is simply too lazy, weak, cowardly and incompetent to actually carry out whatever he threatens. After all, do you really think a man who took 20 seconds to open a Swiss Army knife is capable of killing anyone? Moreover, when taking Chris's childlike mental state into account, it's also quite possible he doesn't fully understand the gravity of what he wishes upon people when making death threats, especially when he's blinded by anger.

Chris is also known to exact violent retribution from those who have wronged him in his fictional works, which A-Logs tend to use as evidence of him being evil or psychopathic. For example, he is known to have beaten up representations of his real-life enemies in ''[[Soul Calibur]]'', and subjected them to particularly gruesome deaths in the ''[[Sonichu 8|Sonichu]]'' [[Sonichu 10|comics]]. However, not only are these gory episodes in [[CWCVille]] isolated incidents, but again, one must remember that he is resorting to this because he is sensible enough to realize that he could not do this in real life, due to his own weakness and because he knows he'll be punished for it, which is, in itself, an encouraging sign. Moreover, even if this were taken to be evidence of a violent streak, it does not merit abuse or punishment because obviously, he hasn't actually hurt anyone except an NPC in ''Soul Calibur''. While violent fantasies like these ''do'' merit anger management classes and/or a few sessions with a psychiatrist, they are ''not'' a green light for A-Logs to demonize Chris; he's mentally ill, and as such needs help, not hate.

Even in comparison to many other infamous internet personalities, Christian is in fact fairly benign. While many A-logs tend to justify their actions by arguing Chris could someday act on his fantasies and commit and act of violence or even rape, but tend to forget about people who have actually done those things. For perspective, fellow Lolcow [https://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Vade Vade] is widely believed to have intentionally caused her boyfriend to commit suicide in order to gain sympathy on Tumblr. She then used this sympathy to build a sizable legion of followers who would spam any Tumblr user Vade deemed offensive or unworthy, for a time nearly ruling the site like a micro-dictatorship. Yet for some reason countless A-logs direct their scorn at Chris even though his violent and authoritarian fantasies have remained fantasies.

A-Logs also tend to turn to the [[October 2011]] [[GAMe PLACe]] incident to try and portray Chris as a truly violent individual. More likely than not, Chris's actions on that day were the result of his mother's influence, nonexistent driving skills, and sheer blind panic rather than outright malevolence.<ref>[[28 October 2011#Email?|"Mom took the wheel"]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut|Chris exhibits poor judgement while driving]]</ref> Likewise, Chris's decision to visit a local [[GameStop]] despite being banned [[26 December 2014|and subsequently macing of an employee]] who tried to get him to leave were not the product of malevolence on Chris's part. It was caused by Chris's [[Chris and reality|assumption]] that he would be allowed in because he was [[Honor roll|in disguise]], and [[Ego|because he]] [[Autism|had decided]] that his ban didn't apply because he was there to buy, not to [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalize merchandise]], which had got him banned in the first place. Additionally, the leaked video of the incident shows Chris merely spraying at the employee's shirt rather than his face, which lends credence to Chris's own account that he was simply issuing a warning shot in case the employee tried to detain him, not trying to actually harm the man. All in all, the GameStop incident was caused, not by a violent streak, but by Chris's persistent habit of trying to circumnavigate rules when they inconvenience him.

===There's no legal defense over attacking Chris for real===
Perhaps the best reason against A-Logging is the legal liability (i.e. being charged and possibly convicted of stalking, terroristic threats, assault, or a myriad of other possible charges). Whatever feelings you may have about Chris, there is no legal defense for taking the law into your own hands and subsequently ending up with a possible life-altering felony conviction. In addition to this, part of the charm of watching Chris is in his eternal rage over a nonexistent enemy. Committing actual violence would only justify Chris's paranoia.

===Chris's beliefs are simply ignorant, not supremacist===
While Chris has held some politically incorrect, even bigoted opinions in the past, they hardly seem to suggest Chris is an amoral monster. One must consider that Chris was raised by and has spent his entire life around [[Borb|2 elderly, disturbed rednecks]]. Of ''course'' he has socially unacceptable beliefs on controversial topics such as race and sexuality--they were given to him by people whose every word he has unquestioningly accepted since he was young.

Aside from this, Chris's discomfort around black people is arguably more from failing to understand social norms. Chris simply doesn't understand that one does not announce to the world one is discomforted by African-Americans; this is far from the outright ideology of white supremacy that your average neo-Nazi would have. Chris has no history of actually going out and lynching blacks or other minorities that discomfort him. Chris's notable offenses have been applying stereotypes to and picking on the black kids who defeated him in [[TCGs]] at the GAMe PLACe, as well as using "Jew" as a pejorative against [[Michael Snyder]], who Chris inaccurately thinks is Jewish, and taking photos of an elderly black woman who was giving him "a hard time" and putting it on Facebook without her permission. One of Chris's grievances, if you can call it that, is that non-white women don't fit his ideal vision of a [[sweetheart]], which he constantly fails to properly articulate; it is entirely possible for a non-racist white man to not be sexually attracted to non-white women. Chris has also used the racial slur of "nigger" in a few of his means of communication, though he shows some degree of reservation where he uses this word. During the [[Lars Call]], Chris showed great apprehension towards using the word "nigga" and only did so when Lars gave him implicit permission. One of the most famous instances of Chris's use of the word "nigger" is in his video confronting [[Surfshack Tito]] on his trolling efforts.<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb#Video|On camera use of the word "nigger"]]</ref> In this video, Chris's racism is often found humorous as Tito is Hawaiian, not black. Moreover, Chris's usage of the word in [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]] is the result of it being an adaptation of a song from the racially-charged show ''[[Adult Swim|The Boondocks]]'', and pure laziness to change every racist part in the song to homophobic parts. When one examines Chris's use of the word, he does not show any understanding of the complexity, history, proper context, or underlying implications of the slur.<ref>[[Surfshack Tito E-mails|Chris's liberal use of "nigger"]]</ref> He simply repeats it blindly as he knows it that it is edgy and offensive to black people.

In regards to his homophobia, while his reasons are ill-informed at best, again, [[Bob]] is the likely source of Chris's dislike of homosexuals. Remember that Chris has had very little friendly interaction with ''anyone'', never mind true homosexuals.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call#Transcript|"[...]conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were gay[...]"]]</ref><ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|"[...]and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me."]]</ref> It is also worth noting that trolls are at least partially to blame for his hatred of homosexuals, as they would often pretend to be homosexuals, or spam his websites with homoerotic images, to get under his skin, not to mention that they often pretended to be black for the same reasons. As a result, Chris, in his autism, began to believe that all trolls are gay black men, and thus cement his disdain for homosexuals and black people, as he thought they were responsible for the trolling he was subject to. A-Logs also like to appeal to his attempts to "cure all the homos" with a vaccine made with his blood in the comics as proof positive of his homophobia. While this may be so, it is often seen as unintentionally funny by Christorians--not only because it shows his ignorance of science, but also because vaccines are made with dead cells infected with the disease they are curing--meaning that Chris unknowingly implied that he was gay. In short, Chris is ''not'' the Westboro Baptist Church--he doesn't go around picketing the funerals of dead gays, nor is he head of a power-lobbying group against LGBT individuals in Washington. He's just a redneck who's too indoctrinated by his parents and unused to minorities, or the concept of people being different to him, to know better.

It is also worth noting that with Bob gone, and [[Barb]] soon to follow, Chris has began to emerge from his parents' influence, and has began to back-pedal on his bigotry towards minorities. In particular, Chris has began to express his desire to become a lesbian transwoman, and has accordingly apologized on Facebook for his previous bigotry towards homosexuals, and become a staunch supporter of LGBTIQ rights. He has even began attending [[Impulse Gay Social Club|gay bars]], the one thing he said he'd never do.

===Chris just cannot get a job===
Some A-Logs contend that Chris is a bad person because he "steals" [[taxpayer money]]. What is almost always overlooked by A-Logs who make this claim is that it wasn't Chris who applied for social security disability; it was Bob who applied for and convinced Chris that he would make more from disability benefits than working at a minimum wage job. Realistically, Chris didn't have any say in the matter because Bob was the head of the house, and as such it was at his whim that Chris had food, shelter and clothing.

So why doesn't Chris "get off his lazy butt and earn his keep"? Well, because there are a couple of very difficult barriers that stand in his way that many A-Logs simply don’t take into consideration.

First, there is the bureaucratic red tape and regulations involved in someone who is on disability working full-time. Ironically, it isn't Chris sitting around playing video games day after day receiving a government check that would likely get him in trouble for disability fraud, it would be working full-time at a minimum wage job while still getting a disability check that would get him in trouble.

Second, there is the issue of Chris's lack of preparation in independent living skills as well as his lack of coaching in finding a job and being able to keep it. Moreover, given the existence of this wiki, and the fact that it is standard these days for employers to Google potential employees, it would more likely than not take someone working in human services or in the employment field (that has ''extremely'' good connections) and a job coach (on a long-term basis) to convince a sceptical employer to give Chris a realistic chance at successfully getting and keeping a job. In addition, given Chris's rap sheet, even under ideal circumstances Chris's chances at decent employment may be slim at best. Chris has been convicted for the events of 28 October 2011 and 26 December 2014, which would deter potential employers, regardless of his ability to perform to tasks they set him. While it may sound attractive to the uninformed to "[[Kick the Autistic|kick his ass]]" when it comes to Chris working, in reality there are deep-seated issues that go way beyond the expertise of a few trolls, and no amount of A-Logging can change this.

===Chris is just an idiot===
Chris is not mentally retarded as defined by medical standards and as he [[Exposing Jeff|claims]]. His IQ is within normal range. What trips him up is his lack of common sense. He actually believed that an [[Vanessa Hudgens|attractive celebrity]] was interested in him sexually and that he was talking to her. He used to insist that he'd had many [[sweethearts]], all very attractive women, and never seemed to find it curious that they all either died, disappeared, or were unmasked as trolls. He is an easy mark, not a criminal mastermind.

===Most people can avoid being trolled===
Chris ''does'' share traits with a lot of people, and some of these traits are quite disturbing and embarrassing. It's a fair assumption that a lot of people who follow Chris's antics are unemployed gamer losers, for example. A lot of people have seen Chris and uttered in their minds "Finally, here's someone who's far more pathetic than ''I'' am!"

But before you fall into the fallacy of believing that vociferously condemning Chris will save you from the same fate, remember that having embarrassing traits like Chris's ''doesn't'' automatically make you subject to the sort of trolling Chris has had. It ''may'' make you subject to ridicule, but what's more important is how ''you'' respond to the ridicule. You could be like Chris and get [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|BLANGRY]] at every traitorous troll [[Laughs Under Lucricities|under lucricities]], and give the trolls power over you just like Chris did.

Or you could laugh with them at your faults, or even just ignore them and go about your business. Trolls generally aren't interested in people they can't coax a reaction out of. This vital recognition is something Chris never managed, and what set him down the path to perennial trolling in the first place. All in all, if you don't want to end up like him, A-Logging isn't the way to do it. But avoiding the myriad of mistakes Chris and A-Log made is.

==The Hall of A-Logging Shame==
In this section, the CWCki has compiled several comments (and plenty more to come) from A-Logs on YouTube and elsewhere.

{{quote|Obviously you've never heard of what he calls other people who are autistic, and that he calls people with [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]](such as myself) "fakers". he doesn't deserve some, he deserves everything for giving us a bad name. The [[trolls]] are also doing what they do to him for a good reason. it's not about the autism to them, but more of that he's a moron who is evil reincarnate and deserves to go back to hell. I don't believe you know what all CWC has done to us on youtube.|GamerXZ0, in a YouTube comment on an original upload of an A-Log video.}}

{{quote|29 years ago today, satan was born and molded into the fucktardian [[Duck|PENIS]] we know & despise today! Should i ever see him i'm gonna [[wikipedia:Mass Transit incident (professional wrestling)|destroy him worse than new jack did to mass transit!]]|ISLAVERDE29, another YouTube comment on an older A-Log video.}}

{{quote|actually, I think I prefer putting many bullets in this faggots head instead.|hanchiman on the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]].}}

{{quote|Hooray [[Bob Chandler|he's]] dead. Now he'lll be spending his eternity in hell while I go piss on his grave.|mxc82, again, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's older videos, referring to Bob's death.}}

{{quote|Mostly because I was hoping the video would end with him getting shot dead. by the [[Ruckersville]] [[Jerkops|police]]. You can imagine how disappointed I am to find him still alive and kicking when the video is over.|CKO92 on YouTube, reacting over the [[CWC_Lego_Manchester_High_School_Oct_18_2013|Lego High School]] video.}}

{{quote| You fucking brony piece of shit, go kill yourself. If i was your mother i would have an abortion.|randomletters on the Lego High School video.}}

{{quote|Chris Chan u are the single worst human being who ever live. If it wasn't for u fellow autistics and [[Sonichu|Sonic OC]] creators like me would be respected by the world. What you have done is unforgivable. I hope [[Barb]] dies and you spend the last minutes of your life crying about how your a pathetic failure fuck you|OfficialSteroidHedgy, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account.}}

{{quote|I hope you are ashamed that a retarded autistic person (just like yourself) killed 20 innocent kids....all autistic people should be wiped from the earth and aborted before birth since you are all evil i wish the worst fates that heaven and hell can bring upon you and all the other autistic pieces of shit like you|RealReplyGirl4Ever, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account- comparing Chris to [[wikipedia:Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|a man who shot up an elementary school]] and advocating genocide.}}

{{quote|Guess whose house burned down today. CHRIS-CHAN!|Bad Webcomics Wiki, gloating on their Facebook Page about [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Chris's house burning down]].}}

{{quote|HAHAHAHAHA|A response by the Bad Webcomics Wiki when a troll calls them out for the above.}}

{{quote|Sadly, yes.|Another post from the Bad Webcomics Wiki's Facebook Page, when told that Chris survived the fire.}}

{{quote|Words cannot adequately describe my '''utterly''' all-encompassing hatred and disgust for the grotesque entity that is Christian Weston Chandler. You Christian, are a shamelessly gruesome, inhuman monster. Everything you do and say only adds to your, almost incomprehensibly massive, list of atrocities. Were I to load up http://www.sonichu.com or some other Chris-Chan-related news source and saw that you finally died a death which properly corresponded to what you've inflicted upon this world, it would be the happiest day of my life.

Happiest. Day. Of. My. Life.|ephewe, on [[I Love You, Catherine]].}}

{{quote|Listen, you fat, autistic piece of shit. I've tolerated you so far because you're going to be my new neighbor, but this is the last straw. You traipse around your yard carrying blow up dolls and singing awkwardly, not to mention I can constantly hear you screaming at your mother. I am serious considering finishing cleaning this lot and selling this property to someone better equipped to handle someone like you. I was well within the city ordinances with this controlled brush burn. Also, if I see any other videos of me on my lot portraying me in a negative light, I will take up a libel suit with you.|Mac Slims, trying much too hard to pretend to be Chris's neighbor.}}

{{quote|God I fucking hate this piece of shit. I hope he dies.|JAZZ HANDS, on the [[26 December 2014|GameStop assault]] video.}}

{{quote|Why the fuck is he still alive!?

God, I mean, the guy looks ridiculous, he is also racist and an anti-social idiot that attacks people for no reason, and now he's a fucking burglar!? What's next, he will become the next Hitler?|Rafael Gutierrez, on the GameStop assault video.}}

{{quote|Yes people, THIS is the person Chris's trolls have been whiteknighting and pussing out on trolling because hes "had enough done to him" seriously, give me a break, this guy is an asshole and deserves anything that happens to him because its his OWN DAMN FAULT|TheMojoCorps, on the GameStop assault video.}}

{{quote|shut up you fatass faggot. go jump off a cliff and die.|Boner Dix, responding to a YouTube comment left by Chris}}

{{quote|Why can't this fucking freak of nature just die already?!!?!|Gogol ginn, on "The Best of Chris-Chan, Vol. 1"}}

{{quote|Someone strangle this fucker to death. Please.|Darkside780 on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]}}

{{quote|I just saw a semi-censored version. WHO THE FUCK MAKES THESE KINDS OF VIDS? He's acting like a retard and at the same time running around naked. I wish this man a slow, painful, death. I don't care about the lulz he gives us. This man is disturbing,creepy, and should not be allowed to join society.|thesideshowman212 on [[CWCFlyingElephants]]}}

{{quote|Proof perfect that autists should be dumped in the nearest alligator pit when their condition becomes apparent.|GalVorbak on the [[Sign Destruction Video]]}}

{{Quote|<poem>Whatever happened to predictability?
This crazy manchild doing weird shit each week.
Now he's left the internet, someone tell me please,
When will he die so I can throw a party?
Bob's as mean as I've ever seen
and Barbara's still coddling him
We've manipulated him for so damn long,
He's like an autistic sim,
Every time you look (everywhere),
There's a tard (There's a tard),
A retard to bully,
Every time you look (everywhere)
There's that face (dead-eyed stare),
To troll and to annoy.</poem>|videogamenostalgia, on [[FullHouse]]}}

{{Quote|I'd like to see someone argue that all human beings are worthy of life after watching chris's videos|xXJakethesnake117Xx, on [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]}}

==See Also==
*[[Weening]], another type of failed trolling, and a key aspect of A-Logging

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Anthony_%27A-Log%27_LoGatto Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto on Encyclopedia Dramatica]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/GeorgieBoyReturns YouTube: The A-Log Archive]
*[http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/04/log-man-in-mirror.html An article from Forces of Geek about A-Log, and a more in-depth look on A-Logging.]
*[http://real-life-villains.wikia.com/wiki/Christian_Weston_Chandler A good example of A-Logging on some shitty wiki (also A-Log being called an "oppressed autistic internet celebrity")]

[[Category: Trolling]]

26 December 2014

2015-07-20T03:42:44Z

FishDicks: /* Fan Art */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly infamous day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. Chris's fans wait with bated breath to see what, if any, punishment he will receive, and whether he will learn anything from it.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various local [[Sonic Boom Protests|protest actions]], including vandalism, to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. He had been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to investigate some "Skylanders" merchandise, staff claimed he had committed acts of vandalism before, and they were on the lookout for him. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]", as Chris would later call him) James Herring. Herring was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall eating, which implies that he left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On Sunday 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that Herring would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The internet learned of the above drama when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. The clip became a minor viral hit, earning over 250,000 views as of June 2015. It is one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]]. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, likely being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[List of Chris's lies|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]
This is the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. Chris may be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]], Chris has been forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearings.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had had several hearings related to this case, stretching into the summer of 2015.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans are frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds , but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Cakefarts

2015-06-07T00:19:24Z

FishDicks: /* Video */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Honest}}
{{quote|Heeey, Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.|Chris.}}
'''Cakefarts''' (leaked as ''fyfdriryjehvsdthyjvdj.mp4 [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video made on 18 [[July 2011]] and leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris sits his naked ass on a [[Chris and money|$9]] [[Obesity|chocolate cake]] for [[Jackie]]'s amusement. While it can not be seen on the censored version, there is already a piece (a little less than a fourth) of the cake taken out, meaning that either Chris (or Barb) had eaten some of this cake before its untimely end. It was inspired by the [http://www.cakefarts.com Cakefarts] shock site.

Because both links to the video are dead, this is one of the rarest videos from Chris in existence, and can now only be found on the website Motherless. And it's likely for a good reason, as it is now considered to be quite possibly one of the grossest things that Chris has ever produced.

The "ass dance" is a [[Things Chris has ripped off|reference]] to the [[Adult Swim]] cartoon, ''Shin-Chan'', which involves the titular character [[CWCFlyingElephants|pulling down his pants, showing his ass, and dancing around]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Cakefarts
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1heDIzvEPl0}}
| stardate = 18 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Blue tank top
| previous = [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]
| next = [[Cheerleader]]
}}

{{quote|What the hell am I doing?}}

=== Transcript ===

Heeey, Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.

[''The camera is then turned towards a backwards view of the table. Chris proceeds to finger the cake, followed by licking his digit'']

Mmm. Let's get this done.

''[Chris jumpily positions himself over the cake, as the viewers get a quite fine view of his [[duck]] and butt. He has the words [[Random-access humor|"AWESOME SAUCE"]] written in barely legible script on his ass. One of the S's is the wrong way around, and there is scribbled out attempt at writing the word awesome.]''

Awesome... Sauce... There it is: Sauce. ''[begins twerking and flailing around like a retard in order to make his deformed dick jiggle]'' Ass dance! Ass dance! See me do the ass dance! Do wacka do! [[Random-access humor|Shake my funky monkey ass,]] give me beans I'll give you gas!

Let's do this.

''[Sits down on cake, rises up, then performs the act for which the video is named, in turn getting an erection]''

What the hell am I doing here? ''[Finishes smearing ass with [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate cake]]; after more than a few uncomfortable seconds of seeing his butt and erect duck, he finally turns his face and body around to the camera]'' What the hell am I doing? I paid nine American dollars for this cake. That's a lotta yen. ''[To be precise, US$9 would be 915.28 yen.]'' Kawaii! Bye, Japan.

==External Links==

[http://motherless.com/9F6859A Uncensored version] (Please make sure you have your Adblock and anti-virus software enabled.)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]|nextlink=[[Cheerleader]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature]]
[[Category:Videos About or Featuring Farts]]

Chris-chan Sonichu

2015-05-24T15:50:36Z

FishDicks: /* Gallery */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:CWCSonichu.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Chris-Chan Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24th February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Weight'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}

{{quote|Chris-Chan's origin is unknown but when he is needed to help the Chaotic Combo, he is there. Quandry is brought up on the Sonichu-Head mark on his chest.|[[:Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg|Chris-Chan [Sonichu] ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}

'''Chris-chan Sonichu''' is [[Chris]]'s full-on Mary Sue fursona in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[October 2010]], Chris [[ECV 00002|actually transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

== Background ==
[[Image:SchuComicSP3P6.jpg|thumb|right|Fun fact: Chris-Chan Sonichu also appears in Chris's sex fantasies.]]

When [[Christian Weston Chandler]] uses his [[Sonichu medallion]] to summon the Electric Hedgehog power of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], he is transformed into the legendary hero, Chris-Chan Sonichu. This alter ego allows Chris to join in the adventures of his creation [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], inevitably leading to his self-insert stealing the spotlight from his own original character. Chris-Chan Sonichu (or simply "Chris-Chan"), looks exactly like a blue Sonichu, who is just a yellow Sonic the Hedgehog, which puts us right back where we started.

In the early years following Sonichu's creation, Chris identified himself with the character directly, portraying potential love interest [[Sarah Hammer]] as [[Rosechu]] and rival [[Wes Iseli]] as [[Black Sonichu]]. At some point Chris found it necessary to more fully distinguish himself from his creation, and created a new set of hedgehog alter-egos for himself, Sarah, and Wes. As revealed in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Chris, Sarah, and Wes are the reincarnations of Native Americans who possessed "anchuent powers" necessary to oppose the evil of [[Count Graduon]]. Upon discovering the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Chris is shown how to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu by pressing his medallion.

Chris-Chan Sonichu's powers seem to be the same as those of the regular [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] powers, plus flight (in ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', he claims it gives him the ability to use the powers of all the Electric Hedgehogs, though he can do that even as a human), and the medallion is apparently absorbed into his flesh, leaving a white mark where it used to lie. His only known weakness is that if the white mark is pressed he will revert back to fat, useless human Chris. Being vulnerable to a single poke in the chest would seem to be an insurmountable disadvantage, but Chris invariably transforms back with little effort. This is most likely a ripoff of two characters: [[Sailor Moon]], who had reverted to normal at least twice after having her transformation brooch damaged, and the Z-Putties from [[Power Rangers]], mooks who'd explode after being struck on the Z-shield on their chests.

After the theft of his medallion in real life in [[October 2008]], Chris rushed out a story meant to appear in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which the medallion is stolen in the comic as well. In the story Chris realizes that his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers came from his [[High School Ring]] all along, and that he does not need the medallion at all (although he uses his limitless power to reclaim it nonetheless). The purpose of the story appears to be to show the [[trolls]] that despite stealing the medallion they had not stolen Chris's Electric Hedgehog power, which is insane even for Chris. Compounding this batshittery, in ''The Sonichu Chronicles'' Chris feels it is necessary to explicitly tell [[Nintendo]] that he does not have Electric Hedgehog power in real life.

Chris incorporates his Chris-Chan Sonichu form into his sex fantasies too, as seen by the picture to the right. The fursona made an appearance in a sex audio session with [[Julie]], with whom he role played being Chris-chan Sonichu and sending shocks of electricity through Julie's wet [[china]]. In the "[[Giant Penis Comic]]", Chris depicts the consummation of his storybook marriage to [[Ivy]], showing himself and his lover transforming into their respective animal forms to properly yiff in holy matrimony.

Chris-Chan Sonichu also appeared in the video [[ECV 00002]] in [[October 2010]], when Chris [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplayed]] as his comic fursona at the request of then current sweetheart [[Jackie]].<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>

== In the Comic ==
=== [[Sonichu 0#Introductions|Introductions]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu is briefly alluded to during the Introductions segment following the end of Episode 1 of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], alongside [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]]. Chris doesn't immediately state that it is his Sonichu form in the comic, merely implying that Chris-Chan Sonichu and the others will have some significance later.

=== [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Classic Sonichu Strips]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu appears in two of the five Classic Sonichu Strips. One of them is a Mother's Day special, in which he and [[Sonichu]] team up to save [[Barb]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. At the end of this strip, Chris-Chan Sonichu transforms back into [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|regular Chris]] to talk to his mother, thus [[Chris and writing|ruining any attempt]] at dramatic build-up Chris may have been trying to establish with the vagueness on Chris-Chan Sonichu in the Introductions segment. The other strip is a simple fight with [[Jerkops]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] held over the course of two pages. Chris of course gets his ass handed to him immediately, and has to be saved by Saramah Rosechu, who is revealed to be [[Sarah Hammer]], thus ruining that surprise too.

=== [[Sonichu 0#Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"|Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"]] ===
In case the reader missed it the first time in the Classic Sonichu Strips, Chris more explicitly transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu here in the very first [[Sub-episodes|Sub-episode]] to fight the [[Jerkhief]], complete with [[Anime|transformation sequence]]. The Jerkhief gets robot armor, and Chris gets [[Pokémon]] moves. He defeats Jerkhief, who then attempts to shoot him. Chris responds with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and curses him with "bad luck and extreme misfortune", also causing his wife to leave him and the man to lose his house and his beloved children. In light of revelations later in the comic that all the Jerkops were really just brainwashed minions who didn't know any better, this scene later became even more horrifying.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"]] ===
For the first time, an actual explanation is given for why Chris has magic hedgehog powers. This episode features Sonichu happening upon the Destiny Cave and taking Christian back there, where he places his [[Sonichu Medallion]] on the pedestal and gains his powers for the first time. This would seem to indicate that this episode is the first canonical appearance of Chris-Chan Sonichu, and the Sub-episodes and strips that feature him take place some time afterwards.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"]] ===
Chris-Chan appears here with Sonichu some place just outside of [[CWCville]], described by a map reference Chris added on the page only as "rough terrain". Dialogue indicates that the two had been training offscreen, and Chris accidentally discovers how to change back into his human form; the mark on his chest. Wes then attacks, Chris and Sonichu dodge, the two of them have a long boring debate in which [[Chris and his Ego|Chris is obviously meant to be right]], and then they fight. Chris loses and is saved by Sarah intervening, just like in the strip.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"|Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"]] ===
The fight from last issue stops and Chris, Wes and Sarah all have a long boring discussion about the past in which Chris and Wes both whine a lot, eventually ending when [[Count Graduon]] finally appears with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. They realise that he was the evil they were meant to fight, and so they team up to rip off ''Sonic Heroes'' and use their ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|Team Blast]]'' attack to destroy a stone golem that Graduon had summoned. They then all change back and head home to talk more.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"|Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"]] ===
Chris one day randomly decides to go to Mary's hideout at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and kill her. He breaks in through the window in his Chris-Chan Sonichu form, makes a self righteous speech, attacks her, and gets beaten up yet again. Mary does this by hitting his singular weak point; the white mark on his chest, and he changes back into his normal self right in front of her. In theory, his identity was supposed to be a secret up until this point, even if a poorly hidden one given that he specifically mentions [[Christian Weston Chandler]] in his above mentioned speech, but nevertheless it is at this point Mary ''officially'' knows that it's him. Sonichu then steps in to save his father after his failed assassination attempt, and between them they manage to completely atomize her. It should be noted that this entire Sub-episode is just a redrawn version of a previous Classic Sonichu Strip, except that Chris did not transform in the last one.

=== [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|Christian Chandler in "McAttack"]] ===
Chris is bothered in the [[Get-Tar]] region by [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]]. Always the coward, Chris quickly gets assistance from [[Darkbind Sonichu]] to help him out in the fight, and the two teams battle it out. Because Chris transforms whilst wearing his [[Anime Wings]], he becomes an upgraded version of his regular form, ''Super'' Chris-Chan Sonichu, who is essentially regular Chris-Chan Sonichu plus the flying ''Wing Cap'' powerup from ''Super Mario 64''. He defeats B-Manajerk whilst Darkbind defeats the Merried Seinor Comic, and Darkbind leaves shortly afterwards, just in time for Chris to get ambushed by the cyborg [[W-M-Manajerk]], ending the sub-episode on a cliffhanger.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"|Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"]] ===
Chris spends most of this episode in his human form, but becomes Chris-Chan Sonichu again towards the end. After Chris uses the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to will his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] into existence, the two of them then both transform into hedgehogs and fight W-M-Manajerk together, her having a weird [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] themed form called Crystalina Rosechu. The two eventually defeat W-M-Manajerk and throw his severed head all the way back to PVCC, where it hits Mary and knocks her off her chair. She is then mocked by a cuckoo clock bird that Mary had for some reason programed to insult her and shout words of support for Christian.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu is featured right away on the first page of this Sub-episode, as the first two pages are a reprint of the Classic Sonichu Strip from before where Chris gets beaten up at the mall by Jerkops and is saved by Sarah Hammer, with the addition of a single panel in which the defeated Mary swears to come back and defeat him with the "strongest most evil villian [sic] ever". Said strongest most evil villain ever turns out not to be [[Count Graduon]], the ancient evil spirit who had threatened the ancient [[Cherokee]] and [[Wasabi]] clans, but some guy called [[Bagget]], who is essentially a regular [[Jerkop]] dressed in a brown ''[[Power Rangers]]'' suit. Chris transforms, fights him, reverts to regular Chris, and then Bagget brings in his "[[Transformers|Change-Bot]]" called [[Crackder]], and picks up Chris, only to drop him from a high height. The Sub-episode ends on another cliffhanger.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"]] ===
Chris is defeated in human form and captured by Bagget early in the issue, and then taken back to PVCC to be executed via giant cooking pot. Crystal saves him at the last minute and the two of them transform. The two in their transformed states form the combo team "[[Chris-Chan Pure]]", and using the most weeaboo move in the entire ''Sonichu'' series, the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]], they defeat Mary and Graduon. [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] is freed of their evil grasp, and so Mary and Graduon go to take over [[Manchester High School]] instead.

=== [[Sonichu 5#Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"|Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"]] ===
Chris attends Sarah Hammer and [[William Spicer]]'s wedding in secret, via unexplained invisibility powers, and intervenes when Wes shows up again to kidnap Sarah. Chris transforms to fight him once more, but this time they battle it out with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards instead of [[Pokémon]] attacks. Chris yet again gets curb-stomped by a superior foe, but is also saved again. This time the heroes are [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi La Skunk]], who save him from another attack and force him to finish the battle and win.

=== [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|"Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"]] ===
Mary Lee Walsh attacks the city so Chris transforms again, also calling in his sister, Sonichu, Rosechu and the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Mary then lets out the [[CADD Chef]]; a giant robotic duplicate of Chris's CADD instructor from PVCC, and the Chris-Chan Pure defeat it. Eventually, Mary reveals the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and attempts to trap Chris inside it. Entering the mirror causes Chris's form to deactivate, and also fulfills another portion of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], granting [[Naitsirhc]] dark powers as well and giving him the ability to become [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]]. Chris is pulled out of the mirror by Crystal, who sacrifices herself to save him by throwing herself into the mirror in Chris's place.

=== [[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|"Evil is Afoot!"]] ===
After deciding to use the [[Sonichu Balls]] to rescue Crystal from the Dark Mirror, Chris hears a noise downstairs in the mall and comes across Reldnahc Ha-Taque robbing a jewelers. He chases him down, finding out whilst doing so that he was secretly Naitsirhc, transformed by the dark powers he had received, and the two fight in hedgehog form. The fight leads to [[Manchester High School]], which appears NOT to be controlled by Mary Lee Walsh, and the fight ends when Chris is, (you guessed it), defeated and then saved by someone else leaping in from nowhere, this time [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

=== [[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu does not appear again until the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], as after Episode 14, the comic focuses on a non-violent time travel story which did not show Chris-Chan Sonichu at any point. The story then ends with Chris getting lost in the [[Time Void]], and he is absent from subsequent issues. Chris is pulled out of this Time Void at the end of ''Sonichu'' #9, at which point he is already in Chris-Chan Sonichu form for some unknown reason.

=== [[Sonichu Special 1]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu appears in ''Sonichu Special 1'' as part of the brief fight with Cly, the comic alter ego of [[Clyde Cash]], whom he defeats and rescues [[Ivy]] from. This comic's [[Sonichu chronology|placement in cannon]] is unclear, as Chris first met Ivy through [[Chris and religion|literal divine intervention]] whilst he was still stuck in the Time Void, and she had died in the Battle of [[CWCville]] by the time he got out.

=== [[Giant Penis Comic]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu also made a two page cameo in the ''Giant Penis Comic'', where Chris transformed into him temporarily for sexual purposes during his honeymoon with Ivy. Ivy in turn used a form known as "[[Ivy#Honeymoon|Princess Ivy]]", though how she had such power is not clear. This comic is also subject to cannon issues mentioned above.

=== [[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]] ===
Following on from ''Sonichu #9'' Chris spends most of the early pages of this issue in Chris-Chan Sonichu form, running around CWCville doing many minor "[[chores]]". Among other things, he destroys the old Tripod building which used to host [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|his site]], killing a bunch of [[Devil Trolls]] who had got inside whilst doing so, met up with and had a date with [[Lovely Weather]], his confirmed future wife, and ended up getting accidentally captured by [[Beel]] and [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. The two of them stole his [[Sonichu Medallion]], but in doing so they discover that the medallion was a decoy all along, and that the true source of his power was his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. He nevertheless still takes the medallion back, which he passes on to his trusted sweetheart [[Blanca]]. He then destroys the building, kills Beel, and moves on to fight Reldnahc in the park, who he defeats and injects with the Gay Vaccine from the FutureTM. This is the last time in the comic that Chris-Chan Sonichu is seen, as for the rest of the issue Chris chooses to commit any further atrocities in either human form or as the super powered [[Colossal Chan]], and the series was put on indefinite hold after the issue was completed.

== Powers ==
Being a God-mode sue for Chris, Chris-Chan Sonichu has shown many powers over the course of the comic, any one of which should theoretically allow him to win any battle, but none of which are ever used except as a finishing move, and sometimes only in conjunction with another person helping. Chris's powers allow him super speed, flight, teleportation at will, use of Pokémon attacks, the ability to summon swords or bombs made of lightning and as human Chris he can also make himself invisible, kill people with his mind, curse people and use any and all powers of the Chaotic Combo, which Chris claims his Chris-Chan Sonichu form is capable of as well.<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref> In the order that they were first mentioned or used in the comic, Chris-Chan Sonichu's powers include, but are not limited to:

#Mega Kick
#Double Team
#Mirror Coat
#Thunderbolt
#Barrier
#[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
#Super speed
#Hyper Beam
#Mach Punch
#[[Wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|Team Blast]]: Blue Fireball Attack (with [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]])
#Flight (as [[Anime Wings|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]])
#Aerial Ace (as [[Anime Wings|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]])
#Substitute
#Sky Uppercut
#Double Corkscrew Kick (with [[Crystalina Rosechu]])
#Sword of Lightning
#Mega Punch
#[[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] (with [[Crystalina Rosechu]])
#Quick Thunder
#Lightning Bomb
#Chaotic Control
#Reflect Dome

Please note that only the powers Chris-Chan Sonichu is seen using are listed here. Human Chris's powers and [[Collosal Chan]]'s powers are excluded from the list.

==Trivia==
*Chris-Chan Sonichu, despite his massive arsenal of powers, is defeated in the comic more than any other character, proving that even in his fantasy world, Chris fails miserably.
**This is possibly due to the fact that Chris is usually the main character in the later comics. This shows that even in fiction, Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] proves to be his downfall.
*After his initial appearance, Super Chris-Chan Sonichu is never seen again, as the [[Anime Wings]] are lost after the fight.
*Chris-Chan Sonichu rips off the design of Sonic the Hedgehog more than any of Chris's other creations.
*Although Chris later claimed that it was his [[High School Ring]], and not his [[Sonichu medallion]] which gave him his Electric Hedgehog power, the ring is not seen on Chris's finger in ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' when Chris first transforms at the Destiny Cave.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_5</ref>
*In May 2015, it is revealed through Facebook that Chris has decided to turn Chris-Chan Sonichu into a female, likely to coincide Chris's recent self-identification as a woman.
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:125-ChrisChan.jpg|The fursona himself.
Image:126-YuCChan.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Card.
Image:123-ACCChan.jpg|''[[Animal Crossing]]'' Card.
Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg|Whenever he needs to take the limelight for himself, he's there!
Image:ModNation ChrisChanSonichu.jpg| As he appears in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
Image:Super-mode.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu IRL.
File:Med 80.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu [[medallion]] made by Chris for a satisfied [[eBay]] customer.
Image:True and Honest Fan Art.jpg|Artist's depiction.
Image:Soldier of Love and Honesty.png|[[Sailor Moon|Soldier]] of [[Sex|love]] and [[HONEST|honesty]].
File:Female CC Sonichu.jpg
</gallery></center>

== References ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Anime Wings]]
*[[Collosal Chan]]
*[[Sonichu medallion]]
*[[High School Ring]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-04-21T20:18:22Z

FishDicks: /* Earning Potential */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what [[Christian Weston Chandler|this person]] suffering from [[autism|hereditary defects]] costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose [[Autism|injuries or ailments]] affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[Playstation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the fouth trial in [[May 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP of Fail|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[PlayStation 3|Sony PlayStation 3]]), come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Potatobox.

===Earning Potential===

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PlayStation3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-04-21T20:17:42Z

FishDicks: /* Chris's Economic Logic */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what [[Christian Weston Chandler|this person]] suffering from [[autism|hereditary defects]] costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose [[Autism|injuries or ailments]] affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[Playstation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the fouth trial in [[May 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP of Fail|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[PlayStation 3|Sony PlayStation 3]]), come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Potatobox.

===Earning Potential===

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PeasantStation3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-04-21T19:02:34Z

FishDicks: /* Chris's Economic Logic */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what [[Christian Weston Chandler|this person]] suffering from [[autism|hereditary defects]] costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose [[Autism|injuries or ailments]] affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[Playstation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the fouth trial in [[May 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP of Fail|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[PlayStation3|Sony PlayStation3]]), come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Potatobox.

===Earning Potential===

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PeasantStation3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-04-21T19:02:06Z

FishDicks:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what [[Christian Weston Chandler|this person]] suffering from [[autism|hereditary defects]] costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose [[Autism|injuries or ailments]] affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[Playstation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the fouth trial in [[May 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP of Fail|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[Playstation3|Sony Playstation3]]), come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Potatobox.

===Earning Potential===

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PeasantStation3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-04-21T19:00:44Z

FishDicks:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what [[Christian Weston Chandler|this person]] suffering from [[autism|hereditary defects]] costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose [[Autism|injuries or ailments]] affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PeasantStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the fouth trial in [[May 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP of Fail|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[Playstation3|Sony Playstation3]]), come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Potatobox.

===Earning Potential===

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PeasantStation3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-04-21T18:58:20Z

FishDicks:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what [[Christian Weston Chandler|this person]] suffering from [[autism|hereditary defects]] costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose [[Autism|injuries or ailments]] affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PeasantStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the fouth trial in [[May 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP of Fail|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[PeasantStation3|Sony PeasantStation3]]), come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Potatobox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Potatobox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Potatobox.

===Earning Potential===

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PeasantStation3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

26 December 2014

2015-04-14T13:14:43Z

FishDicks: /* Fan Art */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Nintendo|Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this [[JERKS|MALE]] Loomed out in front of me, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|frightened the crap out of me]], and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, [[List of places that have banned Chris|"YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW."]] But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Autism|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few [[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] [[Chris and negotiation|solutions]], but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.|Chris's [[Chris and reality|summary of the events]].}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''', a date which will also live in infamy, was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once again for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a video game store]], except this time he upped the ante by using pepper spray on the source of his [[rage]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Mike Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and fashion|branded sunglasses intended for little girls]] as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, but he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is now one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left her behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying the employee (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether Mr. Herring (the employee he maced) can be proven to have actually been "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Michael Snyder did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Snyder magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, and the Kiwi Farms, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began twenty minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no-one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of [[28 October 2011|Chris's previous misadventure]] are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015. However, Christorians with legal knowledge have commented that he is unlikely to be granted any more continuances, meaning any hearings from now on are probably going to be the real thing, rather than Chris just walking in and out.

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying the employee wasn't Chris [[Autism|misinterpreting]] the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed the last employee on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On, January 11th, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| "What a mess I've made, when it all went wrong..."
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy two... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Assistant Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Chris and the law

2015-04-14T02:47:11Z

FishDicks: /* Legal troubles */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris always keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkop|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</s> (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Brutality; [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Godmode!Chris]]'s solution to law enforcement.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously [[naïve]] at worst. He regularly threatens internet [[trolls]] with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as [[Sign Destruction Video|threatening to murder]] [[Vivian Gee]] and her entire family because of her creating the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> and has attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Target]], he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris often remarks that his [[Virgin with rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit - while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and assault him with a [[Megatron pistol|deadly weapon]]. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[tobacky|smoking]] one cigarette.<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkop|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the TCG gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's [[Women's rights|general]] [[Homos|political]] [[Niggos|views]], he seems to be in favor - or at least accepting of - gun control legislation.<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref> Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, it's at the very least a more rational stance than [[Wikipedia:Alex Jones (radio host)|certain other obese manchildren who make a living off posting angry videos of themselves on the internet]].

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a ''very'' skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]], Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray so without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent when, in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

==Legal troubles==

The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with [[Ivy]] in 2009, [[Bob]] told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The end]]</ref> and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

===2004===
On [[Twin Falling Towers|11 September]] [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his [[Calling Out|three new videos]] posted after 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused [[Michael Snyder]] of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (aka pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Michael Snyder did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PeasantStation 3]], numerous children's [[toys]] and the five or so dollars in Chris's bank account.

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and two misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''third'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. It appears that the Virginia justice system had finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and his [[barb|mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply [[Chris and his Ego|doesn't care]], or still feels as if he were the [[Kick the Autistic|real victim]] in all of this.

===2012===

[[File:Card.PNG|thumb]]

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

On the 12th April, Chris [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|announced the loss of his virginity]], giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|confirmed this]] on 1 May, when he said that he 'found her on the backpage', most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone that also solicits prostitutes. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdeameanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 [[April 2012]], Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 [[March 2012]], Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris ran for it once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,<ref>[[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 [[July 2012]], Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

===2013===

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing an [[HEXBox|Potatobox One]] display at a Wal-Mart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was [[Chris and religion|cursing God for all his misfortune recently]].

===2014===

On 29 [[March 2014]], a report surfaced on the [[CWCki Forums]] saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from [[Best Buy]]. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but [[Kim]] confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.<ref>[[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour]]</ref>

On [[26 December 2014]], Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the Autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref><s>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[The GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, ill-health and dependent son probably helped earn her clemency.
*On 10 [[July 2012]], Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and is under a two year probation.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the jerkops in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make laws. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He, of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure [[Autism|autistic]] logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[JERKS|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the most ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the [[Wikipedia:Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], specifically [[Wikipedia:Freedom of Speech|Freedom of Speech]].

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==
[[File:0862-Cwcville11.JPG|right|thumb|[[CWCville]] used to have a police station, but no more.]]
Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In CWCville, Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law against alcohol]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for women's rights, that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the U.S., suggesting that Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[dating education|Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List of Sonichu characters#Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homos|homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] has shown no less than four grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]] as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

== References ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

{{Chris and}}

April 2015 Facebook posts

2015-04-13T13:26:54Z

FishDicks: /* Chris Hates Conformity, Again */

[[File:Amiibo6.jpg|thumb|275px|Chris's new Facebook cover photo for April.]]
This page covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page in [[April 2015]].

==Summary==
* 1 April - Chris shares his appreciation for a TV show.
* 4 April - Chris makes several posts in response to an episode of [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic.
* 6 April - Chris announces new custom [[Sonichu Amiibo]] for sale on [[eBay]].
* 7 April - Chris provides more information about the Amiibo.

==Chris's posts==
===Modernly Tech Savvy===
{{quotebox|1 April 2015
[[File:Younger.png|thumb]]
This show is Modernly Tech Savvy and smart. [[Wikipedia:Hilary Duff|Hillary Duff]] looks, and is, still amazing. ‪#‎[[Wikipedia:Younger (TV series)|Younger]]‬}}

===Chris Hates Conformity===
The premiere episode of the new [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic" season had a strong influence on Chris.

{{quotebox|4 April 2015
I'm watching part two of the ‪#‎MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic‬ season premiere. I had to miss part one, because I went out for breakfast and getting more glue for my projects. UGH!!! I do not like this part two episode, at least the first half. [[Chris and the Law|I Hate Conformity!]]}}

===Chris Hates Conformity, Again===
In response to a question posted on the "Equestria GIRLS - MLP" page, "What'd you folks think of the premiere?," Chris wrote:

{{quotebox|4 April 2015
Fair; I found Starlight Glimmer to be most creepy in her methods of brainwash, and I feel she was Worse than even Tirak! [[List of places that have banned Chris|I Really Hate Conformity!!!]]}}

===And Again===
On his own timeline, Chris shared a photo from the new season and wrote:

{{quotebox|4 April 2015
[[File:Glimmer.jpg|thumb]]
Starlight Glimmer is WORSE than even Tirak! |:(}}

===Custom Amiibo for Sale===
Chris announced a new product for sale on [[eBay]].

{{quotebox|6 April 2015
Here's something different and good; a Sonichu Figure! And an [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibo Figure]] at that! Personally created and Certified and packaged.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Unfortunately, due to the lowered listing allowance on my eBay, I am unable to list [[medallions]] this month. Please Leave Positive Feedback upon receipt after your individual purchases. Ten Figures are immediately available. Thank you, and have a good day.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>I forgot to mention, the Metal Sticker has been removed, so the figure can be read while still in its package. And Sonichu is posed doing a Thunderpunching Sky Uppercut attack (his Up + B Special, if Sonichu was a playable character in Super Smash Bros.).}}

===More on the Amiibo===
{{quotebox|7 April 2015
[[File:SonichuAmiibo.jpg|thumb|left]]
My choice of which character goes into the base of my characters are relevant to their individual perspectives and whatnot. some of which are Rare ‪#‎Amiibo‬ characters at the moment as well. ‪#‎Sonichu‬'s choice is [[Sonic]], out of respect. Pikachu is not as strong as ‪#‎Sonic‬ anyway. Tune in next week to hear ‪#[[‎Rosechu‬]]'s choice.

Also, on another popular detail, if y'all want to vote for Sonichu to be a DLC character in Super Smash Bros., for future possibilities of More Sonichu and Rosechu Stories directly from me, in addition to potential [[Sonichu (comic)|comic pages]], I would appreciate that.

I don't know where the webpage for voting is, so a link in the comments would be good as well. Thank you.}}

In the included illustration, Sonichu sez:

{{quoteboxred|Hey Y'All! Sonichu here, and we're talkin' Super Smash Brothers! My family, my Electric-Hedgehog Poke'Friends, and I, like beating each other in this game as our favorite Nintendo, etc, characters. Sonic (the Hedgehog) and I have a race in [[CWCville]] once a year to raise money per mile, and double donation For which of us wins. Town Hero, everyone bets on me. Past five years, we've been tied, so both of our donations were doubled! Lots of people have healthier lives thanks to us. In SSB, since "Brawl", we fight each other with his character. When I play there are thundershockers in my spin dashes. And in good honor and respect, Sonic is my choice character.

Zappin' Out!

Peace!!}}

Kenneth Englehardt provided the link to the Nintendo voting page, to which Chris replied:

{{quotebox|
Thank you.}}

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

April 2015 Facebook posts

2015-04-13T13:20:36Z

FishDicks: /* Chris Hates Conformity */

[[File:Amiibo6.jpg|thumb|275px|Chris's new Facebook cover photo for April.]]
This page covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page in [[April 2015]].

==Summary==
* 1 April - Chris shares his appreciation for a TV show.
* 4 April - Chris makes several posts in response to an episode of [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic.
* 6 April - Chris announces new custom [[Sonichu Amiibo]] for sale on [[eBay]].
* 7 April - Chris provides more information about the Amiibo.

==Chris's posts==
===Modernly Tech Savvy===
{{quotebox|1 April 2015
[[File:Younger.png|thumb]]
This show is Modernly Tech Savvy and smart. [[Wikipedia:Hilary Duff|Hillary Duff]] looks, and is, still amazing. ‪#‎[[Wikipedia:Younger (TV series)|Younger]]‬}}

===Chris Hates Conformity===
The premiere episode of the new [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic" season had a strong influence on Chris.

{{quotebox|4 April 2015
I'm watching part two of the ‪#‎MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic‬ season premiere. I had to miss part one, because I went out for breakfast and getting more glue for my projects. UGH!!! I do not like this part two episode, at least the first half. [[Chris and the Law|I Hate Conformity!]]}}

===Chris Hates Conformity, Again===
In response to a question posted on the "Equestria GIRLS - MLP" page, "What'd you folks think of the premiere?," Chris wrote:

{{quotebox|4 April 2015
Fair; I found Starlight Glimmer to be most creepy in her methods of brainwash, and I feel she was Worse than even Tirak! I Really Hate Conformity!!!}}

===And Again===
On his own timeline, Chris shared a photo from the new season and wrote:

{{quotebox|4 April 2015
[[File:Glimmer.jpg|thumb]]
Starlight Glimmer is WORSE than even Tirak! |:(}}

===Custom Amiibo for Sale===
Chris announced a new product for sale on [[eBay]].

{{quotebox|6 April 2015
Here's something different and good; a Sonichu Figure! And an [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibo Figure]] at that! Personally created and Certified and packaged.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Unfortunately, due to the lowered listing allowance on my eBay, I am unable to list [[medallions]] this month. Please Leave Positive Feedback upon receipt after your individual purchases. Ten Figures are immediately available. Thank you, and have a good day.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>I forgot to mention, the Metal Sticker has been removed, so the figure can be read while still in its package. And Sonichu is posed doing a Thunderpunching Sky Uppercut attack (his Up + B Special, if Sonichu was a playable character in Super Smash Bros.).}}

===More on the Amiibo===
{{quotebox|7 April 2015
[[File:SonichuAmiibo.jpg|thumb|left]]
My choice of which character goes into the base of my characters are relevant to their individual perspectives and whatnot. some of which are Rare ‪#‎Amiibo‬ characters at the moment as well. ‪#‎Sonichu‬'s choice is [[Sonic]], out of respect. Pikachu is not as strong as ‪#‎Sonic‬ anyway. Tune in next week to hear ‪#[[‎Rosechu‬]]'s choice.

Also, on another popular detail, if y'all want to vote for Sonichu to be a DLC character in Super Smash Bros., for future possibilities of More Sonichu and Rosechu Stories directly from me, in addition to potential [[Sonichu (comic)|comic pages]], I would appreciate that.

I don't know where the webpage for voting is, so a link in the comments would be good as well. Thank you.}}

In the included illustration, Sonichu sez:

{{quoteboxred|Hey Y'All! Sonichu here, and we're talkin' Super Smash Brothers! My family, my Electric-Hedgehog Poke'Friends, and I, like beating each other in this game as our favorite Nintendo, etc, characters. Sonic (the Hedgehog) and I have a race in [[CWCville]] once a year to raise money per mile, and double donation For which of us wins. Town Hero, everyone bets on me. Past five years, we've been tied, so both of our donations were doubled! Lots of people have healthier lives thanks to us. In SSB, since "Brawl", we fight each other with his character. When I play there are thundershockers in my spin dashes. And in good honor and respect, Sonic is my choice character.

Zappin' Out!

Peace!!}}

Kenneth Englehardt provided the link to the Nintendo voting page, to which Chris replied:

{{quotebox|
Thank you.}}

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

List of restaurants

2015-03-18T13:36:13Z

FishDicks: /* References by Chris */

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:396-PokePizzaria.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris's dream restaurant. At least he's honest about how fat that crap will make you.]]
[[Chris]] isn't much of a cook, nor is anyone else currently living at [[14 Branchland Court]]. When he's not eating reheated frozen dinners, he's usually chowing down at a variety of local '''restaurants'''.

== Applebee's ==

'''[[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]]''' is a popular chain of sit-down restaurants. Chris has occasionally eaten here, but it's generally too rich for his budget. His most notable visit was [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|his date]] with [[Catherine]] and her cousin Al on 31 [[October 2014]].

== Arby's ==

'''[[:wikipedia:Arby's|Arby's]]''' is a large quick-service sandwich chain. In one [[IRC (18 December 2008)|IRC chat]] Chris considered Arby's as one of the possible restaurants to which he will take his first date.

== Baja Bean ==

'''Baja Bean''' is a small chain serving Mexican food. A look at their websites suggest they have only three restaurants and one of them is in Charlottesville.<ref>[http://bajabean.com/ Baja Bean's website]</ref>

=== Appearances ===

*Chris tried to set up a meeting with [[Regina]] at that restaurant.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>
*On 25 [[October 2010]] Chris mentioned that he once went to Baja Bean at Charlottesville but does not go there much anymore.<ref>[[DayOut]]</ref>

== Burger King ==
{{main|Burger King}}
Chris favors McDonald's, while [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] preferred its rival Burger King. Thus, Chris usually ate here when he was out with his father.

== Chick-fil-A ==

[[Image:ChickFilA.jpg|thumb|right|Admittedly, the store might've been a [[Chris and writing|literary influence.]]]]

'''Chick-fil-A''' is a fast-food restaurant chain originating in the American south that Chris frequents, famous for its chicken sandwiches and always being closed on Sundays (due to their founder's Christian "seventh day of rest" beliefs). Chick-fil-A is generally considered to be one of the healthier fast food options;<ref>http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/11230/americas-bestand-worstrestaurants</ref> however, Chris has mentioned it much less often than its [[Chris and health|artery-clogging]] big brother, [[McDonald's]]. The reason for this is unknown; possibilities include its lack of marketing campaigns aimed at children, a lack of foolish sweepstakes or [[My Coke Rewards|"reward programs"]]. Thus, Chris has never been banned from a Chick-fil-A in an [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|epic showdown]] battling [[jerkop|jerkops]]. Even when the company came under fire for its founder's anti-[[Homos|gay]] views and its involvements in "family values" movements, both of which would likely endear to Chris, it appears this has not caused the franchise to be more popular in Chris's eyes.

===Appearances===
*Chris met up with [[Emily]] in front of the Chick-fil-A at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. [[Apology to Emily|Or at least tried to by calling out to the patrons (who were undoubtedly amused and perplexed)]].

*The Fashion Square Chick-fil-A was the site of one of the missed meetings between Chris and [[Surfshack Tito]]'s agents during the drama over destroying Chris's [[PS3]].

*The [[CWCville Shopping Center]] includes a lone Chick-Fil-A on the 2nd floor.

== Country Cookin ==

'''Country Cookin''' — spelled without a "G" or an apostrophe (because poor literacy is kewl!) — is [[Christian]]'s not-quite-fast-food restaurant of choice. It is a Virginia-based chain of rustic steak house/buffet and grill restaurants, akin to [[Golden Corral]], ''Roadhouse Grill'' or ''Ponderosa/Bonanza Steakhouse'' in the US, and ''Harvester'', ''Beefeater'' or ''Brewer's Fayre'' in the [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|United Kingdom]].

He has mentioned it on several occasions and even has taken his troll friend [[Joshua Martinez]] there.

===References by Chris===
* In an e-mail conversation with [[Anna McLerran]] from 2007, Chris mentioned his regular trips to the restaurant with Joshua.
* In [[Mumble 2]], Chris mentioned Country Cookin as one of his favorite restaurants.
* A Country Cookin branch is located in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

== Golden Corral ==

'''Golden Corral''' is an all-you-can-eat buffet chain, well-known in the American South and Midwest as ''the'' place to go for a maximum ratio of calories consumed to cash expended. Just don't think too much about where it all came from. During Chris's [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], [[Bob]] mentions that he had a heart attack there while paying for the family's meal.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)]]</ref> Despite this, it was one of Chris's favorite places to eat, probably since he could [[obesity|stuff his face]] with fatty, low quality food at a [[Chris and money|low price]]. However, the Charlottesville branch went out of business in 2010<ref>http://www.dailyprogress.com/news/article_65967a91-e979-5f58-9c05-093af6241996.html</ref> and became a [[China|Chinese]] buffet.<ref>http://www.yelp.com/biz/hibachi-grill-supreme-buffet-charlottesville</ref>

===References by Chris===
*[[Caitlin]], a waitress Chris had a crush on for a day or so, worked at Golden Corral.
*In [[Mumble 2]], he mentioned that it's one of his favorite places to eat.
*Describing his ideal date spots in an [[IRC (18 December 2008)|IRC chat]], Chris proposed Golden Corral as a second-date destination.
*Chris's visits to the Corral with his family seem to be tightly scheduled. In a [[MySpace]] conversation from 04 September 2005, he noted that they'd be there from 3:30 to 4:45 the next day.
*Perhaps because of that precise schedule, or perhaps because he was simply overwhelmed by [[stress]], during his final [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13|Skype conversation with BlueSpike]] Chris unexpectedly abandoned the conversation to take off for the Corral.
*In his profile at [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Cafe]] he lists it as his favorite restaurant.
*In a [[May 2014 Facebook Posts|May 2014 Facebook]] post, responding to news that a fire had destroyed the Chinese restaurant where the Golden Corral once stood, he angrily demanded that his favorite restaurant be rebuilt on the site.

==McDonald's==
{{main|McDonald's}}
Chris's cheap-and-easy fast food of choice. When he wanted to cut down on his Big Mac and McNugget intake, he stopped eating there... more than twice a week or so.

== Sheetz ==
Sheetz is a chain of gas station/mini-mart stores based in Pennsylvania with stores in five other states (including Virginia) in the United States. Among the chain's selling points is an array of fast food options.

===References by Chris===
*Chris ended [[Mumble 5]] by saying he needed to [[duck]] out to Sheetz to get his mother a sandwich.
*In the e-mail revealing the [[muscle bra]], Chris mentioned that he'd sought a job application at Sheetz.
*While chatting with [[Sarah May Skype Logs|Sarah May]] in February 2009, Chris noted a trip to Sheetz for gasoline.
*Attempting to defend his dietary choices in one of the [[Kacey Call 8|Kacey phone calls]], Chris claimed that he enjoyed fruit smoothies from Sheetz (which can easily crack 600 calories apiece).[[File:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|right|Note he ordered no [[pickles]]]]
*On 4 [[June 2011]], Chris told [[Jackie]] that recently he was at Sheetz with his mother, where a man approached Chris and asked him if he were a homosexual. Chris replied that he was a [[Tomgirl]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref>
*On 2 [[September 2013]], Chris wrote on [[Facebook]] that a couple of weeks earlier (presumably at August) he met [[Michael Snyder]] in [[Ruckersville]] at Sheetz and at [[McDonald's]] in the same morning. During the Sheetz encounter Snyder gave Chris the finger, while at the McDonald's encounter Snyder told Chris that he won't hurt him.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Offline Troll/Bully]]</ref>
*On 15 [[June 2014]], Chris gave Sheetz a [[:File:CWCreviewsSheetz.png|five star review]] on [[June 2014 Facebook Posts|Facebook]].

== Sonic ==
Sonic Drive-In is a fast food chain that Chris has eaten at in the past. It is coincidentally the same name as our autistic hero's
[[Sonic the Hedgehog|favorite video game franchise]].
===References by Chris===
* During the [[Ohio trip]], Chris dined at Sonic's, eating a hamburger with mayonnaise, and a lemonberry slushie "made from real fruit."<ref>[[Sarah May Skype Logs]]</ref>
* While not by Chris himself, at the beginning of the [[WTFIWWY Segment]], at the beginning Tara asks, after Nash says Chris has a huge obsession with ''Sonic'', "The Hedgehog? Not, like, the fast-food chain?"

==References==
<references/>

{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

March 2015 Facebook posts

2015-03-18T13:01:48Z

FishDicks: /* A hypothetical list of party guests */

The following covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page during March 2015.

==Summary==
* 1 March - Chris lists 23 more medals for sale on [[eBay]] and complains about getting poor feedback for his lackluster production quality on [[Facebook]].
* 1 March - Chris celebrates "Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day".
* 7 March - Chris posts a hypothetical list of guests he would invite to a select party, while stating that he would ignore any responses from them because he'd assume they were trolls.
* 12 March - Chris rejects the societal construct of "prospects," claiming that any individual's chance to succeed is as good as anyone else's.

==Chris's posts==
===More [[Medallions]] on [[eBay]]===
Chris reposts his medallion for sale on eBay, complaining about the [[trolls]] who gave him his "Below Standard" rating. However, he takes it down within a day. [http://www.ebay.com/itm/Recreated-Sonichu-Or-Rosechu-Medallions-Fresh-And-Direct-From-Original-Creator-/191526240892?fb_action_ids=813793852048429&fb_action_types=og.shares Link here.]
{{quotebox|1 March 2015
Here's 23 more medals. My complaint is that in the past, the odd less than five people complained of their medals arriving as "shoody"; that is why my Seller status is Below Standard. Each Medallion is Hand-Made with care and all of that, which you would could not get anywhere else, even from a plastic-printing 3D Printer. Nothing and Nobody is absolutely perfect. Complain to eBay, if you'd like me to be able to list more than 20+ medals ever again. Thank you for your patronage.}}

===Happy Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day===
Chris celebrates the day honoring ''[[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'''s resident ditzy pegasus Derpy Hooves by sharing a fanart pic. Given the two's similar personalities, I say it's a perfect fit.
{{quotebox|1 March 2015
[[File:DerpyDay.png|right|thumb|200px]]
March 1st is Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day.}}

The white knight [[William Elliott Waterman]] left perhaps his shortest and subtle note of praise yet:

{{quoteboxred|cool.}}

===A hypothetical list of party guests===

Chris posts a list of hypothetical guests he'd like to have at a party. He goes on to say that any responses from the listed individuals would first be considered to be trolls. The statement implies that he [[Chris and reality|thinks that there's still a chance]] [[Chris and his Ego|these celebrities would actually contact him]].

{{quotebox|March 8 2015
"**The Following is hypothetical; it is essentially a list of celebrities I would find good in hanging around with or meeting and greeting. This is for my reference.**

I'm hosting a select party, and I am inviting: [[Britney Spears]], Pamela Anderson, [[2013_Facebook_Posts#Open_Letter_to_Tara_Strong|Tara Strong]], Amy Jo Johnson, Katy Perry, [[Chris and fashion|Lady Gaga]], Kelsey Grammar, Jane Leeves, [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]], Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Betty White, Patricia Routlege, [[My Little Pony|Ashleigh Ball]], [[My Little Pony|Andrea Libman]], [[My Little Pony|Tabitha St. Germain]], [[Monica Rial]], [[Family Guy|Seth]] [[Chris_and_English#Spelling|McFarland]], [[The Simpsons|Matt Groening]], [[Chris_and_English#Spelling|Craig McCracklin]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], [[Sonichu_7#Time_travel_crap|Christopher Lloyd]], Melissa Etheridge, Kelly Clarkson, Temple Grandin, [[Transformers|Peter Cullen]], Seth Rogan.

Any responses from the individuals listed above, to this post, will be initially considered to be from people or Internet Trolls and CyberBullies pretending to be the actual individuals, and will be disregarded and ignored.

Have a good day."}}

This post drew concern from even his two most loyal white knights, [[William Elliott Waterman]] pointed out:

{{quoteboxred|Craig McCracken and Seth McFarlane is [[Chris_and_English#Written_language|(sic)]] sad you made a parody of spelling their names.}}

And Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt responded thusly:

{{quoteboxred|Don't get me wrong, you seem like a pretty nice guy to chill with. But you tend to be kind of private with regards to your social relationships.}}

===Prospects? PROSPECTS?!===
{{quotebox|March 12 2015
"Just Another Thought:

'What are your prospects?'
'He/She has no prospects!'

How many time on TV, Movies, or even from your Sweetheart's parent(s), have you heard either of those phrases, and/or just the word, 'Prospects'? Do you or They even know what the word means?
'Prospects' has a few definitions, but the usual definition focused is 'a chance at success or wealth'.

Now, especially in the difficult economic times, Every Individual Person, regardless of what is, or is not, currently in, coming out of, or going into (daily, weekly, monthly and yearly) their wallet or bank whenever or whatever their individual circumstances, it all comes down to the Fact that Every Individual Person has as good of Any Chance at Success and Wealth as Any Other Individual Person.

So the very question, 'Do you have any prospects?', is as easily answered as 'I have as good of prospect as you or anyone else.' And, in short, the very questions of our word of the day here, are all Null and Worthless.

There's your lesson; go enjoy it. Have a good day."}}

Once again, the cavalry of white knights come in, but stating their disagreement this time. First up, we have [[gal pal]] [[Kim Wilson]]:

{{quoteboxred|"... it all comes down to the Fact that Every Individual Person has as good of Any Chance at Success and Wealth as Any Other Individual Person."

Christian Weston Chandler This isn't true. It's actually the opposite: prospects vary dramatically from person to person.

To give an example, a person with a job has better prospects than a person without. A job history makes it easier to get future jobs. That is a prospect.}}

Next up is Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt, noting the validity of Kim's point, though slightly disagreeing with it.

{{quoteboxred|Perhaps: But it's not necessarily a sure thing depending on the individual variables involved.}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] follows up, noting [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris' hypocrisy]] here by the standards he had previously set for a potential sweetheart in his [[Love Quest]].

{{quoteboxred|I have never heard anybody say that about a person. I've heard of PROSPECTING, the act of seeking lucrative or successful opportunities. For example, you've told me one of the most important aspects of your dating search is that the women you select should have jobs. That's you prospecting for a girlfriend to share her lucrative lifestyle with you. For you, that's okay and it makes sense. Your status here suggests you're of the opinion it's wrong for others to judge their potential dates in such a fashion. Does this mean you've changed your standards and are willing to consider jobless women on a fair playing ground?}}

Kenneth comes back, giving his own disagreement with Chris' sentiments.

{{quoteboxred|Are you going to tell me that a person who comes from an average family and goes to Rhode Island College will have the same prospects as someone from a prominent family who goes to an Ivy League school such as Brown University? I don't think so.}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

PlayStation 3

2015-03-10T16:36:21Z

FishDicks: Undo revision 183796 by FishDicks (talk)

[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". Chris desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to this end he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade only to purchase another shortly after.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently buys DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$6,127.64 ''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 08]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 31 [[March 2014]], Chris has 3,587 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
|"[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]"
|12
|100%
|A fairly short game fighting game that generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|69
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
|''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
|''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
|Furries galore.
|-
|''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
|21
|100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made [[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
|15
|100%
|Grating dialogue on par with the Sonichu comics.
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
|15
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
|14
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
|14
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Not unexpected.
|-
|''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
|12
|100%
|[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|12
|100%
|Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
|[[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
|13
|100%
|A Vita tutorial.
|-
|''Sly Minigames''
|8
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently, just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!!!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
| A pretentious wagglefest that only Chris could take seriously. Several scenes of nudity: male and female.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]
|5
|80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
|35
|77%
|Guitar Hero for the preteen girl demographic.
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
|43
|72%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|''NUMBLAST'' is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
|7
|71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
|27
|71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
|36
|62%
|Sonic Kart couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to Modnation.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
|31
|58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously? Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|360]] version (lots of naked women). Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PlayStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play free rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://us.playstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

PlayStation 3

2015-03-10T16:34:32Z

FishDicks: Undo revision 183795 by FishDicks (talk) damit

[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". Chris desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to this end he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade only to purchase another shortly after.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently buys DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$6,127.64 ''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 08]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 31 [[March 2014]], Chris has 3,587 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
|"[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]"
|12
|100%
|A fairly short game fighting game that generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|69
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
|''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
|''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
|Furries galore.
|-
|''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
|21
|100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made [[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
|15
|100%
|Grating dialogue on par with the Sonichu comics.
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
|15
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
|14
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
|14
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Not unexpected.
|-
|''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
|12
|100%
|[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|12
|100%
|Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
|[[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
|13
|100%
|A Vita tutorial.
|-
|''Sly Minigames''
|8
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently, just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!!!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
| A pretentious wagglefest that only Chris could take seriously. Several scenes of nudity: male and female.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]
|5
|80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
|35
|77%
|Guitar Hero for the preteen girl demographic.
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
|43
|72%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|''NUMBLAST'' is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
|7
|71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
|27
|71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
|36
|62%
|Sonic Kart couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to Modnation.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
|31
|58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously? Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|360]] version (lots of naked women). Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PeasantStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PeasantStation Eye, and their PeasantStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Potato War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PeasantStation3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Peasantstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Peasantstation 3 and Peasantstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Peasantstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PeasantStation3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PeasantStation3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PlayStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play free rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://us.playstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

PlayStation 3

2015-03-10T16:33:20Z

FishDicks: Undo revision 183794 by FishDicks (talk) stupid filter

[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

The [[Sony]] '''PeasantStation 3''' or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PeasantStation3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". Chris desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PeasantStation3|contest]], to this end he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PeasantStation3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PeasantStation3 damage|repeated PeasantStation3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade only to purchase another shortly after.

==PeasantStation Network==

[[Image:Etc peasantstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PeasantStation3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently buys Moneygrabbing for games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$6,127.64 ''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PeasantStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 08]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [http://profiles.us.peasantstation.com/peasantstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 31 [[March 2014]], Chris has 3,587 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PeasantStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
|"[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]"
|12
|100%
|A fairly short game fighting game that generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|69
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
|''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
|''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
|Furries galore.
|-
|''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
|21
|100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made [[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
|15
|100%
|Grating dialogue on par with the Sonichu comics.
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
|15
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
|14
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
|14
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Not unexpected.
|-
|''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
|12
|100%
|[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|12
|100%
|Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
|[[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
|13
|100%
|A Vita tutorial.
|-
|''Sly Minigames''
|8
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently, just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!!!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
| A pretentious wagglefest that only Chris could take seriously. Several scenes of nudity: male and female.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]
|5
|80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
|35
|77%
|Guitar Hero for the preteen girl demographic.
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
|43
|72%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|''NUMBLAST'' is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
|7
|71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
|27
|71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
|36
|62%
|Sonic Kart couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to Modnation.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PeasantStation3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
|31
|58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously? Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|360]] version (lots of naked women). Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PeasantStation3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PeasantStation3 Tutorial for my fans|the PeasantStation3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PeasantStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PeasantStation3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PeasantStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PeasantStation Eye, and their PeasantStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Potato War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PeasantStation3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Peasantstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Peasantstation 3 and Peasantstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Peasantstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PeasantStation3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PeasantStation3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PeasantStation3 damage==
[[Image:Peasantstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Peasantstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PeasantStation3|Chris humping his PeasantStation3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PeasantStation3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PeasantStation3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PeasantStation3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PeasantStation3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PeasantStation3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PeasantStation3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PeasantStation3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PeasantStation3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PeasantStation3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PeasantStation3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PeasantStation3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PeasantStation3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PeasantStation3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Peasantstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PeasantStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.peasantstation.com/2010/12/09/new-peasantstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PeasantStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and ploy to make you buy shitty hardwares. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play free rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PeasantStation3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PeasantStation3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PeasantStation3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PeasantStation3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PeasantStation3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PeasantStation3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Potatobox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://us.peasantstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PeasantStation3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PeasantStation3]]

PlayStation 3

2015-03-10T16:32:40Z

FishDicks: /* Fanboyism */

[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". Chris desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to this end he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade only to purchase another shortly after.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently buys DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$6,127.64 ''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 08]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 31 [[March 2014]], Chris has 3,587 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
|"[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]"
|12
|100%
|A fairly short game fighting game that generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|69
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
|''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
|''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
|Furries galore.
|-
|''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
|21
|100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made [[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
|15
|100%
|Grating dialogue on par with the Sonichu comics.
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
|15
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
|14
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
|14
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Not unexpected.
|-
|''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
|12
|100%
|[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|12
|100%
|Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
|[[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
|13
|100%
|A Vita tutorial.
|-
|''Sly Minigames''
|8
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently, just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!!!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
| A pretentious wagglefest that only Chris could take seriously. Several scenes of nudity: male and female.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]
|5
|80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
|35
|77%
|Guitar Hero for the preteen girl demographic.
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
|43
|72%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|''NUMBLAST'' is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
|7
|71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
|27
|71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
|36
|62%
|Sonic Kart couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to Modnation.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
|31
|58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously? Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|360]] version (lots of naked women). Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PeasantStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PeasantStation Eye, and their PeasantStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Potato War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PeasantStation3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Peasantstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Peasantstation 3 and Peasantstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Peasantstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PeasantStation3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PeasantStation3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PlayStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play free rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://us.playstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Autism papers

2015-03-04T18:35:35Z

FishDicks: /* IMPRESSION: */

The '''autism papers''' are some of the most valued [[Relics of Fail]], in which the exact nature of [[Chris]]'s psychiatric [[Chris and psychology|diagnosis]] is revealed by an objective source (as opposed to Chris's revisionist account of his life), and the extent of his [[autism]] (or whether he really is autistic at all) is explained.

To date, only an intake survey from [[2004]] is available, resulting from Chris's mandated visit to a psychiatrist after flipping out while attending [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]. His original, earlier papers, dating to when Chris was five or six years old, remain locked away in [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] filing cabinet. Ivy discovered that it is impossible for Chris to recover them himself, as Bob kept the keys on his person at all times. As a result of Bob's death, the keys are presumably in Barbara's possession now. Either way, these autism papers can be considered lost relics of fail, due to Chris' paranoid nature and the fact that he'd actually have to put effort into finding them, not to mention that they may have been destroyed in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire in January 2014]].

==Background==
In '''November 2009''', Chris e-mailed [[Kacey]] these papers to show that he is a [[Honest Content|TRUE AND HONEST]] autistic. Kacey shared these papers with her new husband, the official and original [[Liquid Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] who in turn distributed them online. The papers are presented here in their original form, edited only for wiki styling and linking.

A number of passages of this copy have been outlined in yellow highlighting marker. Most of them either describe Chris's search for a [[sweetheart]] or contain some of the evaluator's more favorable judgments of Chris's mental state. A few are passages that confirm the diagnosis of Chris's autism.

To date, this is the only independent, professional evaluation of Chris's condition available.

Several observers have pointed out that these documents seem to paint a surprisingly rosy picture of Chris's behavior and mental state. It helps to keep a few factors in mind, though. One, the survey took place in [[2004]] — at the time, Chris still attended school, went outside on a regular basis, and received at least a modest amount of social interaction. He was likely in better shape than he is after years of isolation and staying indoors for days on end. Two, despite being famous for his wild confrontations with authority, Chris is in fact extremely deferent in the face of authority figures so long as he doesn't think they're a hindrance to him (consider the opening moments of the [[Father Call]]). Three, to the uninitiated, his [[Love Quest]] can come across as rather sweet in an idiotic way, the desperate actions of a socially awkward but basically sincere and harmless person. Finally, and most simply, the survey was based on a fairly brief encounter with Chris. As trolls have learned over the years, he gets much worse with regular exposure.

==Intake Survey==
===Page 1===

[[Image:CWCPsychicEvaluation11052004P1.jpg|thumb|Scan of page 1.]]

<center>'''OUTPATIENT PSYCHIATRIC SERVICES'''</center>
 Department of Psychiatric Medicine
 [[University of Virginia]] Health System

 Northridge Building, Suite 210, P. O. Box 801210
 [[Charlottesville]], Virginia 22908-1210
 (434) 243-4646; Fax (434) 243-4743

 Patient's Name: Christian Chandler
 UVA History #: 003 79 67
 Date of Birth: 02/24/[[1982|82]]
 Date of Intake: 11/05/[[2004|04]]
 [[Wikipedia:Residency (medicine)|Resident Physician]]: Jeff Raynor, M.D., Resident in Psychiatric Medicine
 Attending Physician: Zachariah C. Dameron, III, M.D.

====IDENTIFYING STATEMENT:====

Mr. Chandler is a 22-year-old SWM with a history of [[autism]], who was referred for psychiatric evaluation following his recent suspension from community college.

====HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS:====

Mr. Chandler says that since finishing high school and starting at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] in the year [[2000]], he has had an [[Love Quest|increasing interest]] in a [[Boyfriend-free girl|female companion]]. His attempts at this ultimately lead to his suspension from college. His attempt took the form of a [[Attraction sign|sign]], which he placed next to himself while sitting in the lobby at Piedmont. The sign was a list of qualifications that a potential girlfriend would have. He said that he has been very frustrated by his inability to find a girlfriend and he suffers from "[[Noviophobia|novio phobia]]." This refers to his frustration that females often tell him that they already have a boyfriend. While he does have [[Chris and sex|physical attraction]] towards females, his primary frustration is with his lack of companionship. He had also carried his sign in the [[Fashion Square Mall]]. This unfortunately led to him being detained by [[Jerkop|the police]] and placed in handcuffs briefly, although he was not taken to jail.

During the interview, the patient provided the examiner with a number of examples of his [[Chris and art|artwork]]. Much of this artwork was centered on his interest in a video game, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], as well as [[Pokémon|Pokeman [''sic'']]] cartoon characters.

The patient's parents provided additional historical information and documentation as to the reasons for his suspension from PVCC. According to his parents, there have been a number of incidents which led to his suspension. They feel strongly that the suspension was unwarranted and did not take into account the patient's developmental limitations. One such occurrence was during an interaction with [[Niggos|African American]] classmates. These young women were questioning the patient regarding his search for a girlfriend, at which point he told them they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. This was perceived as racially insensitive, although from the patient's perspective, he was merely pointing out they did not meet his standard criteria for a [[gal pal|female companion]]. He says that he was unaware at the time that there was any other connotation to this. Various guidance counselors at the college were working with the patient to help him adjust to the college setting. They had apparently asked him to stop carrying the sign around campus, per the patient, one of these counselors actually physically destroyed the sign to prevent this behavior. He left an angry note with [[Mary Lee Walsh|Ms. Walsh]], who is in administration. He provided a copy of this note, and it is contained in the chart. It did not specifically [''continues on Page 2'']

===Page 2===
[[Image:CWCPsychicEvaluation11052004P2.jpg|thumb|right|Scan of page 2.]]
 Christian Chandler (003 79 67)
 Page 2 of 4
 November 5, 2004

[''Continuing from Page 1''] [[Death threats|threaten her]], but expressed his dislike of her and communicated [[Creepy stare|an "intimidating glare" in a pictorial fashion]]. Based on the letter sent to him by the college, this was interpreted by the administrator as being a form of harassment. There were several hearings held on the matter and ultimately the patient was suspended. The criteria that have been set for his return to Piedmont included [[Chris and anger|anger]] management classes, psychological evaluation, and "social skills counseling." He has already undergone psychological evaluation by Robin Hawkes at the Center of Learning Potential. The recommendation concerning Mr. Chandler's [[heart level|emotional status]] is that he seek psychiatric and psychological treatment. The psychologist felt that counseling and medication would possibly address his obsessive thought patterns and assist him with social skills. She also recommended anger management training.

====PAST PSYCHIATRIC HISTORY:====

Mr. Chandler was diagnosed with autism around age five or six. He has never had ongoing treatment by a psychiatrist, but has been treated in the past by [[Wikipedia:Imipramine|Imipramine]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|for unclear reason]] [''sic'']. He has never been in a psychiatric hospital and has no history of violent or self-injurious behavior. He has no history of [[Rape|sexual acting out]].

===[[Chris and health|PAST MEDICAL HISTORY]]:===

The patient has not had significant medical problems other than his autism. He has no history of head injury, loss of consciousness, seizures, CNS infections, stroke.

====MEDICATIONS:====

:[[Wikipedia:Paxil|Paxil]] 20 mgs. q. day, which the patient has been on for the past four years.

:Herbal supplements/over-the-counter - none.

====ALLERGIES:====

None known.

====SUBSTANCE ABUSE:====

The patient does not use [[Tobacky|tobacco]] or [[My Coke Rewards|caffeine]]. He does not [[Alcohol|drink]] and he does not use illicit substances.

====SOCIAL HISTORY:====

The patient was born in the [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] area. He had a normal prenatal period. He walked at normal age but was delayed in his language ability. He had some high frequency hearing loss early on. Per his parents, he did not speak until the age of seven. At around age twelve, he began to develop more effective communication skills. He apparently used the closed captioning on the television to learn how to read. There was conflict over where he would have his schooling. The school system or the Department of Social Services had attempted to place the patient in a special school. His parents were very adamant that he be in a mainstream high school. In order to maintain custody of the patient, [[Bob Chandler|the patient's father]] moved them to [[Richmond]], Virginia. He went to a regular middle school and [[Manchester High School|high school]] while there. He was able to function well academically and graduated from high school in regular classes. He had a number of friends through middle and high school.

===Page 3===
[[Image:CWCPsychicEvaluation11052004P3.jpg|thumb|right|Scan of page 3.]]

Christian Chandler (003 79 67) 
Page 3 of 4 
November 5, 2004

====FAMILY HISTORY:====

The patient's father has significant [[Wikipedia:Coronary artery disease|Coronary Artery Disease]] and recently had a bypass graph done. He is 77-years-old and is retired engineer from General Electric. [[Barb|His mother]] is 65-years-old and worked in the past at a local bank. Neither of his parents or any other family members are known to have any psychiatric disease. The patient has a maternal cousin who has severe autism, although there are no other family members with developmental delays.

====MENTAL STATUS EXAM:====

The patient is a mildly [[fat|overweight]], white male, wearing blue jeans and a [[Chris and fashion|shirt]]. He was also wearing a makeshift necklace that has [[Medallions#Prototype|a large plastic medallion in the shape of a Pokeman [''sic''] characters [''sic''] head]]. He also had a number of “shrinky dink” decorations attached to this necklace. He had a large backpack that he carried with him and had a [[Scrapbook of Fail|notebook containing a large number of drawings]]. He showed the examiner an extensive set of [[Card games|trading cards]], which he created for his video game characters. The artwork was hand drawn and then scanned into the [[Computers|computer]] for transfer to the card. He had a number of statistics and other information on the backside of the card. The patient pointed out a series of cards that were of a video game theme, but depicted him in various difficult situations in which he has dealt with recently. He also presented the examiner with his business card containing a link to [[Sonichu.net|his website]]. His speech was somewhat nasal with frequent, awkward laughing during his sentences. His speech was fluent. His responses were appropriate to the questions posed to him. Overall, the volume of his speech was slightly elevated, although his tone was generally pleasant and almost jovial. His thought processes were linear and logical. He was somewhat concrete, especially regarding social interactions. He seemed to have good insight into his limitations. As suggested above, his thought content was largely based on his interest in Pokeman [''sic''] and sonic [''sic''] cartoons. He did not express any delusional thought content. There was perhaps an obsessional quality to [[Love Quest|his preoccupation with finding a girlfriend]], although he did not feel that this was a problem for him. He did not voice any perceptual disturbances and did not seem to be responding to internal stimuli. His impulse control appeared to be good during the interview and his judgment was fair, although social judgment was likely somewhat limited.

[[Wikipedia:Mini-mental state examination|Folstein score]] was 30/30 with his sentence being, “[[Random-access humor|Uncle Spunky is a really funky monkey.]]”

====IMPRESSION:====
Mr. Chandler is a 22-year-old man with a history of developmental delays and autism. Despite these limitations, he seems to have been [[Honor Roll|quite successful in maximizing his academic abilities]]. Despite his significant delays in language, he has over the years developed relatively affective [''sic''] communication skills. He is left, however, with a severe degree of social awkwardness and seems to have good insight into this. He is left feeling somewhat frustrated as he has a strong desire for companionship, although his social limitations prevent him from being able to realize this in the way which he would like. He has been on antidepressants for many years and it is not entirely clear what role they played. As mentioned above, there is a certain obsessional quality to his thoughts, although it is not clear that he meets criteria for an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Overall, he has a sense that the Paxil has been affective [''sic''] in tempering his frustrations and anger. His parents also feel he has benefited from it. He would possibly benefit from psychotherapy, although this would need to be tailored to his interpersonal style. Ideally this would be done in a setting tailored to patients with this sort of developmental problem. Based on the information available at this time, the patient doesn't seem to pose a significant threat to himself or anyone else. There is some suggestion that the anger control has been a problem, although how that has manifested itself is unclearly[''sic'']. [[28 October 2011|He certainly has no history of physical]] [[26 December 2014|violence which would suggest any future risk.]]

===Page 4===
[[Image:CWCPsychicEvaluation11052004P4.jpg|thumb|Scan of page 4.]]

Christian Chandler (003 79 67) 
Page 4 of 4 
November 5, 2004

====DIAGNOSIS:====
[[Wikipedia:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders#Multi-axial_system|Axis]] I: None 
Axis II: Autistic disorder, [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV_Codes#Pervasive_developmental_disorders|299.00]] 
Axis III: None 
Axis IV: Suspension from school, social isolation 
Axis V: [[Wikipedia:Global Assessment of Functioning|70]] 

====PLAN:====
1. After discussing the risks, benefits, and side effects, the patient and his parents agreed to have his Paxil increased from 20 mgs. to 30 mgs. They were offered a prescription, but preferred to have this done by their primary care physician.

2. Releases of information were signed for the counselors at PVCC in case this became necessary for further evaluation purposes.

3. We will try to work with the department of rehab services to facilitate any other services that might be available for Mr. Chandler

4. The patient's parents were unsure of whether they will be following up here at the clinic in the future as there are insurance concerns which might limit this. They were, however, informed of access to emergency care and encouraged to call the clinic with any questions or concerns.

5. No follow-up appointment has been scheduled, although should they wish to continue the patient's psychiatric care at this clinic, we would be more than happy to see him.

6. The patient was seen by the attending, Dr. Zachariah Dameron, who agrees with the above-mentioned assessment and treatment plan. 

Jeff Raynor, M.D. Zachariah C. Dameron, III, M.D. 
Resident in Psychiatric Medicine Attending 

JR:ns T: 11/12/04 D: 11/11/04

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[Chris and psychology]]
*[[Chris and reality]]

{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2015-02-13T15:12:24Z

FishDicks:

:''This article is about Chris himself... It is his article and nothing less! For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Jackie E-mails 24|Kaka Apple Chrissy]] Christine Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age {{Age|1982|2|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–Ongoing) [[Tomgirl]] (2011-Ongoing) Unknown (2012-2014) Tomgirl/[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda|Lesbian Identified Male]] (2014-2015) Female/Lesbian (2015-present)<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/official-decision-regarding-gender-and-chris.6283/</ref>
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| Self reported 5'10" (1.78 m)<ref>[[Match.com#Profile text]]</ref><ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref>
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) [[Carlos Chantor|Male escort]] ([[2010]], unpaid)
|-
|}
{{quote|I am the [[Slow-in-the-mind|high-functioning]] [[autism|autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Chris and art|artistic]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]] lost with [[Chris and health|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the [[The Wall of Originals|hand-drawing original]] [[Chris and copyright|creator]] of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[CWCville|Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[United States of America|USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190802/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=10 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself (archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]], and currently '''Christine Weston Chandler''' according to Chris) is a [[Asperger's|high-functioning]] [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went#The_Trial.|adult autistic child]], thirty-two-year-old, former [[virgin with rage]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of the infamous [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Christian also stars alongside his [[Chris and copyright|original creations]] in his own self-titled online comic book.

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit media franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], non-[[alcohol]]ic [[Chris and race|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and art|childlike artwork]] featuring his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him]].

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian's hand drawn representation of himself.]]]]

Christian Weston Chandler has a wide array of names he has given himself. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|mall conductor bear]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". [[Autism|Unusually]], Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or if he's feeling especially formal, "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish, likely due to his ignorance of the fact that you generally don't translate your own name when speaking in another language. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

When Chris revealed he wanted to be referred to with feminine pronouns, he began calling himself "Christine".

Occasionally, Chris will use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, Sonichu. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].
{{clear}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|An infamous image Chris drew of himself enjoying a soda.]]]]

Chris is a timid, autistic man with [[Chris and his ego|delusional tendencies]] who has been allowed - by his parents, [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now thirty-two years old, he is so comfortable in his protected existence that he refuses to conform to the norms of society, such as [[Chris and health#Hygiene|bathing]] regularly, not loitering in a store all day [[Attraction Sign|waiting]] for people to talk to you, and using the bathroom if you think you may [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|soiled yourself]]. Although the public school system forced Chris to face society, graduation has allowed Christian to stay indoors and avoid taking part in typical civilian activities. Due to this avoidance of the outside world, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]], or even been employed for more than a few months in his whole life. Nor has he had many meaningful relationships with people in a social setting. Christian's main impressions of people now come from the [[trolls]] and [[white knights]] he meets online.

Chris is completely obsessed with his character Sonichu, to the point that he has hand-crafted several medallions in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by trolls working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris used to absolutely hate [[homos|gay men]], and communicated this with such intensity that observers were easily convinced he was simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|a Sailor Moon poster]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris' words do not always align with his actions; he appears to be deeply insecure about his gender. He has [[recycling|swallowed his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and only reins in his [[Tomgirl Pictures|tendency to proudly cross-dress]] because his elderly mother intensely disapproves. While these actions do not indicate homosexuality outright, they do question the validity of Chris's own judgements on his sexual orientation. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seemed to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref> However, his homophobia didn't extend to lesbians, whom he "partly encourages" and is even aroused by.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==
In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to Robert and Barbara Chandler. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|The evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of Chris-chan...in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat into his thirties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true--the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a room. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl--if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted ursine conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which inexplicably convinced Christopher to later have his name legally changed.

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school", which Bob and Barbara likely interpreted to mean a nut-house. Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. WVIR-TV's coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not some elaborate troll. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to use his autism as leverage for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated and belligerent to the winners]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading ''[[Goosebumps]]'' novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris claims to have been on the [[honor roll]], and during this time acquired the true source of his powers, his [[amnyfest ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris stormed out crying during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it "so hard" in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref> Evidently, this fear was unfounded.

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unwilling and unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]].]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his personal idiosyncrasies. By his own admission, his social life at PVCC was lacking when compared to his high school years.<ref>[[Story of My Current Days#Story of My Current Days]]</ref><ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref>

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend (or so they claimed). Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began concocting and employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a sign that read "I am a (Chris's age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(Chris's age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex, which is basically true. Chris was particularly affected by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud involving [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|magic curses]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh#Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu|slander]]. After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a boyfriend-free girl, drawing ''Sonichu'', [[mass debating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[The GAMe PLACe|local game and card shop]]. A social outcast like himself, Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, seemingly basing his stance on studying women in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and subsequently learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to focus on the life and times of Chris's unbelievably original character, but by halfway through the first issue the focus of the story had become Chris and his myriad of romantic misadventures.

{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life hasn't been the same since then.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]].]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-Chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]], Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] (temporarily, but he was banned permanently in August 2008) and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-Chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[Laughs Under Lucricities]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was funny or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to documenting his life), which has only expanded the coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011|2012|2013|2014}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], sweethearts, cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naïve|naïveté]] readily embraced this brave new world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the Liquid Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the CWCki maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot get away with his highly selective and revisionary treatment of his history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]].]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[clown shirt]]s.

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube. Chris later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]], near the time of his father's death.]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross-dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris seems to have reconciled this behavior with his extreme homophobia and purported heterosexuality without any difficulty. Though treated as yet another saga at first, this behavior seems to be deeply entrenched and has only gotten more extreme as of late 2014 (see below).

In [[September 2011]], Chris's father died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his mother is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her poor health is taken into account.

Since Bob's death, Chris has seldom interacted with trolls, and is seemingly no longer able to effortlessly bounce back from despair like he used to, and has instead lapsed into deep depression, no doubt exacerbated by the later loss of his home to fire, and subsequent financial difficulties. In the aftermath of Bob's death, many trolls began to question whether Chris deserved or indeed, could cope with any further trolling, given that he was no longer the bellicose, [[Chris and fashion|striped-shirted]] egocentric that the world had come to know. If one thing is certain, it is that Chris's glory days of screaming into a camera like a madman and performing like a circus animal for trolls offering [[china]] are over.

[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2012]].]]

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer.
[[File:Chris march2013.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2013]].]]

In [[April 2012]], Chris declared that he finally lost his virginity. This was later confirmed to be true...[[Other documents#Chris's wingman|at the hands of a prostitute]]. 2012 was otherwise uneventful, probably because Chris was in trouble with [[Chris and the Law|the law]].

[[2013]] saw Chris's life more or less confined to ranting on [[Facebook]] and [[Twitter]], as well as making himself a pariah to people in real life through his actions. He began blaming people to their face for his own shortcomings which resulted in him leaving his church, getting chewed out by a voice actress from [[My Little Pony|one of his favorite shows]], upsetting the few friends he has left with his homophobia and getting thrown out of a [[Wal-Mart]] for committing blatant vandalism. He has also complained about the 'stress' taking its toll on his health ([[Chris and Health|this, at least, is evident]]) and pined incessantly about being "lonely". Even the "gal-pals" Chris so fondly talked about in his high school days would end up betraying him - he found out around Halloween 2013 that they had only tolerated him out of pity and, having discovered them, were just as revolted by his antics as much as the next sane person. Of course, the miseries Chris was lamenting at this time were almost entirely products of his own behavior coming back to haunt him, something he clearly did not realize.

The year 2013 also saw the rise of quite a few new white knights as well (including actual friends he met in real life) all of whom tried to offer constructive advice to Chris, although their advice was unwelcome information and thus totally ignored, as tradition dictates. This year of Chris's life seemed to have been most characterized by his flagrant disrespect of people, things and ideas around him, resulting in his exile and loneliness which he idiotically (but predictably) did not connect with his appalling behavior.
[[File:Chris 15 Aug 2014 changed profile pic.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2014]], his long, lank, thin hair receding in earnest.]]

At first, it seemed that [[2014]] would just be business as usual. That is, until [[January 2014|January]] 10th when, in a cataclysmic display of the idiocy we've come to expect from him, Chris thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee in the bathroom of his garbage-filled house with an extension cord, leading to him [[Destruction Of Chris's House|setting his own house on fire]]. Luckily, no one (animal or human) was seriously harmed, although the resulting damages have forced him and his mother to temporarily [[Rental House|move out and trash a different house]]. Almost all of the Chandler possessions were destroyed in the fire, including most of Chris's [[Megan Shrine|vast]] [[Lego|hoard]] [[Trading Cards|of]] [[DVD|stupid]] [[Kimmi|shit]]. On a sadder note, most if not all of Bob's possessions would have been destroyed, including his huge record collection.

Since then, Chris and his mother have been having [[Chris and money|acute financial difficulties]], and Chris has spent most of the year alternating between begging and taking the odd commission to make more of his horrendous "art" on Facebook, or in a new display of [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], selling autographed photos of himself on eBay (you can guess who most of his patrons are). Nonetheless, this hasn't stopped Chris from blowing literal thousands of dollars on [[Lego|children's toys]]. Naturally, his "art" and photographs are only really of any value to trolls, and thankfully few people have been foolish enough to give him hand-outs. Which is for the best, given that he may finally be forced to face a situation his mother can't [[Hooker incident|bail him]] [[Chris and money|out of]], and maybe, just maybe, learn something from it. [[Chris and reality|Or not]].
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|right|Chris, as he enters [[2015]].]]

More curiously, [[Chris and reality|Chris began identifying as a lesbian]] in [[August 2014]], and denied that there is no such thing as a male lesbian (citing Yahoo! Answers as proof). While he seemed to soften his stance on gay men (''very'' reluctantly), he also indicated that he hated his own duck, in addition to his pre-existing hatred of ducks in general.

In July, Chris claimed to have a [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. Needless to say, many [[Megan Schroeder|doubted it]] [[Wallflower|would last]], [[Catherine|of which they were accurate]].

As of Halloween, Chris has been swanning around attending (and likely ruining) LGBTQ events around Charlottesville, including attending a Halloween party at a gay bar dressed as a lesbian from the 70s. At such events, he obviously mingles with people infinitely more accepting and kind than himself. This necessarily will result either in Chris becoming a better person or in Chris being banned and ostracized from these gatherings. If history suggests a single thing, it is that the latter scenario will occur.

In early November, it was confirmed that his latest sweetheart was yet another troll persona. This has led to an outpouring of disappointment and disgust from many of his [[CWCki Forums|unappreciated abettors]], who were hoping that, for once, Chris had got lucky. It is unclear, but likely, that she was the same woman mentioned above who was dating him in July.

This glimmer of pity was extinguished in December, as Chris [[26 December 2014|broke three laws in one outing to]] [[GameStop]] on Boxing Day. His main offense was assaulting an employee who was calling security, with mace; showing that, again, Chris has yet to learn anything from his mistakes, if he even regards them as mistakes to begin with. Only time will tell how much trouble Chris has landed himself in this time, but given his current financial status and history, it can't be good. Needless to say, Chris has no one to blame but himself for this mess, which isn't to say he won't try.

In January 2015, Chris asked people to start referring him with female pronouns, and subsequently caused another ruckus at Wal-Mart.
{{clear}}

==Featured fan video==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==Sources==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}
<references/>

==External links==
[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ Christian Weston Chandler] at the [[Wikipedia:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2015-02-13T15:09:32Z

FishDicks:

:''This article is about Chris himself... It is his article and nothing less! For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Jackie E-mails 24|Kaka Apple Chrissy]] Christine Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age {{Age|1982|2|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–Ongoing) [[Tomgirl]] (2011-Ongoing) Unknown (2012-2014) Tomgirl/[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda|Lesbian Identified Male]] (2014-2015) Female/Lesbian (2015-present)<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/official-decision-regarding-gender-and-chris.6283/</ref>
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| Self reported 5'10" (1.78 m)<ref>[[Match.com#Profile text]]</ref><ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref>
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) [[Carlos Chantor|Male escort]] ([[2010]], unpaid)
|-
|}
{{quote|I am the [[Slow-in-the-mind|high-functioning]] [[autism|autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Chris and art|artistic]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]] lost with [[Chris and health|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the [[The Wall of Originals|hand-drawing original]] [[Chris and copyright|creator]] of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[CWCville|Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[United States of America|USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190802/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=10 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself (archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]], and currently '''Christine Weston Chandler''' as of [[January 2015]]) is a [[Asperger's|high-functioning]] [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went#The_Trial.|adult autistic child]], thirty-two-year-old, former [[virgin with rage]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of the infamous [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Christian also stars alongside his [[Chris and copyright|original creations]] in his own self-titled online comic book.

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit media franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], non-[[alcohol]]ic [[Chris and race|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and art|childlike artwork]] featuring his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him]].

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian's hand drawn representation of himself.]]]]

Christian Weston Chandler has a wide array of names he has given himself. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|mall conductor bear]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". [[Autism|Unusually]], Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or if he's feeling especially formal, "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish, likely due to his ignorance of the fact that you generally don't translate your own name when speaking in another language. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

When Chris revealed he wanted to be referred to with feminine pronouns, he began calling himself "Christine".

Occasionally, Chris will use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, Sonichu. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].
{{clear}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|An infamous image Chris drew of himself enjoying a soda.]]]]

Chris is a timid, autistic man with [[Chris and his ego|delusional tendencies]] who has been allowed - by his parents, [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now thirty-two years old, he is so comfortable in his protected existence that he refuses to conform to the norms of society, such as [[Chris and health#Hygiene|bathing]] regularly, not loitering in a store all day [[Attraction Sign|waiting]] for people to talk to you, and using the bathroom if you think you may [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|soiled yourself]]. Although the public school system forced Chris to face society, graduation has allowed Christian to stay indoors and avoid taking part in typical civilian activities. Due to this avoidance of the outside world, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]], or even been employed for more than a few months in his whole life. Nor has he had many meaningful relationships with people in a social setting. Christian's main impressions of people now come from the [[trolls]] and [[white knights]] he meets online.

Chris is completely obsessed with his character Sonichu, to the point that he has hand-crafted several medallions in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by trolls working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris used to absolutely hate [[homos|gay men]], and communicated this with such intensity that observers were easily convinced he was simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|a Sailor Moon poster]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris' words do not always align with his actions; he appears to be deeply insecure about his gender. He has [[recycling|swallowed his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and only reins in his [[Tomgirl Pictures|tendency to proudly cross-dress]] because his elderly mother intensely disapproves. While these actions do not indicate homosexuality outright, they do question the validity of Chris's own judgements on his sexual orientation. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seemed to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref> However, his homophobia didn't extend to lesbians, whom he "partly encourages" and is even aroused by.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==
In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to Robert and Barbara Chandler. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|The evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of Chris-chan...in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat into his thirties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true--the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a room. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl--if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted ursine conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which inexplicably convinced Christopher to later have his name legally changed.

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school", which Bob and Barbara likely interpreted to mean a nut-house. Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. WVIR-TV's coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not some elaborate troll. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to use his autism as leverage for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated and belligerent to the winners]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading ''[[Goosebumps]]'' novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris claims to have been on the [[honor roll]], and during this time acquired the true source of his powers, his [[amnyfest ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris stormed out crying during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it "so hard" in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref> Evidently, this fear was unfounded.

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unwilling and unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]].]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his personal idiosyncrasies. By his own admission, his social life at PVCC was lacking when compared to his high school years.<ref>[[Story of My Current Days#Story of My Current Days]]</ref><ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref>

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend (or so they claimed). Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began concocting and employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a sign that read "I am a (Chris's age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(Chris's age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex, which is basically true. Chris was particularly affected by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud involving [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|magic curses]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh#Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu|slander]]. After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a boyfriend-free girl, drawing ''Sonichu'', [[mass debating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[The GAMe PLACe|local game and card shop]]. A social outcast like himself, Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, seemingly basing his stance on studying women in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and subsequently learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to focus on the life and times of Chris's unbelievably original character, but by halfway through the first issue the focus of the story had become Chris and his myriad of romantic misadventures.

{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life hasn't been the same since then.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]].]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-Chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]], Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] (temporarily, but he was banned permanently in August 2008) and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-Chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[Laughs Under Lucricities]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was funny or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to documenting his life), which has only expanded the coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011|2012|2013|2014}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], sweethearts, cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naïve|naïveté]] readily embraced this brave new world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the Liquid Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the CWCki maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot get away with his highly selective and revisionary treatment of his history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]].]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[clown shirt]]s.

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube. Chris later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]], near the time of his father's death.]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross-dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris seems to have reconciled this behavior with his extreme homophobia and purported heterosexuality without any difficulty. Though treated as yet another saga at first, this behavior seems to be deeply entrenched and has only gotten more extreme as of late 2014 (see below).

In [[September 2011]], Chris's father died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his mother is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her poor health is taken into account.

Since Bob's death, Chris has seldom interacted with trolls, and is seemingly no longer able to effortlessly bounce back from despair like he used to, and has instead lapsed into deep depression, no doubt exacerbated by the later loss of his home to fire, and subsequent financial difficulties. In the aftermath of Bob's death, many trolls began to question whether Chris deserved or indeed, could cope with any further trolling, given that he was no longer the bellicose, [[Chris and fashion|striped-shirted]] egocentric that the world had come to know. If one thing is certain, it is that Chris's glory days of screaming into a camera like a madman and performing like a circus animal for trolls offering [[china]] are over.

[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2012]].]]

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer.
[[File:Chris march2013.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2013]].]]

In [[April 2012]], Chris declared that he finally lost his virginity. This was later confirmed to be true...[[Other documents#Chris's wingman|at the hands of a prostitute]]. 2012 was otherwise uneventful, probably because Chris was in trouble with [[Chris and the Law|the law]].

[[2013]] saw Chris's life more or less confined to ranting on [[Facebook]] and [[Twitter]], as well as making himself a pariah to people in real life through his actions. He began blaming people to their face for his own shortcomings which resulted in him leaving his church, getting chewed out by a voice actress from [[My Little Pony|one of his favorite shows]], upsetting the few friends he has left with his homophobia and getting thrown out of a [[Wal-Mart]] for committing blatant vandalism. He has also complained about the 'stress' taking its toll on his health ([[Chris and Health|this, at least, is evident]]) and pined incessantly about being "lonely". Even the "gal-pals" Chris so fondly talked about in his high school days would end up betraying him - he found out around Halloween 2013 that they had only tolerated him out of pity and, having discovered them, were just as revolted by his antics as much as the next sane person. Of course, the miseries Chris was lamenting at this time were almost entirely products of his own behavior coming back to haunt him, something he clearly did not realize.

The year 2013 also saw the rise of quite a few new white knights as well (including actual friends he met in real life) all of whom tried to offer constructive advice to Chris, although their advice was unwelcome information and thus totally ignored, as tradition dictates. This year of Chris's life seemed to have been most characterized by his flagrant disrespect of people, things and ideas around him, resulting in his exile and loneliness which he idiotically (but predictably) did not connect with his appalling behavior.
[[File:Chris 15 Aug 2014 changed profile pic.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2014]], his long, lank, thin hair receding in earnest.]]

At first, it seemed that [[2014]] would just be business as usual. That is, until [[January 2014|January]] 10th when, in a cataclysmic display of the idiocy we've come to expect from him, Chris thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee in the bathroom of his garbage-filled house with an extension cord, leading to him [[Destruction Of Chris's House|setting his own house on fire]]. Luckily, no one (animal or human) was seriously harmed, although the resulting damages have forced him and his mother to temporarily [[Rental House|move out and trash a different house]]. Almost all of the Chandler possessions were destroyed in the fire, including most of Chris's [[Megan Shrine|vast]] [[Lego|hoard]] [[Trading Cards|of]] [[DVD|stupid]] [[Kimmi|shit]]. On a sadder note, most if not all of Bob's possessions would have been destroyed, including his huge record collection.

Since then, Chris and his mother have been having [[Chris and money|acute financial difficulties]], and Chris has spent most of the year alternating between begging and taking the odd commission to make more of his horrendous "art" on Facebook, or in a new display of [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], selling autographed photos of himself on eBay (you can guess who most of his patrons are). Nonetheless, this hasn't stopped Chris from blowing literal thousands of dollars on [[Lego|children's toys]]. Naturally, his "art" and photographs are only really of any value to trolls, and thankfully few people have been foolish enough to give him hand-outs. Which is for the best, given that he may finally be forced to face a situation his mother can't [[Hooker incident|bail him]] [[Chris and money|out of]], and maybe, just maybe, learn something from it. [[Chris and reality|Or not]].
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|right|Chris, as he enters [[2015]].]]

More curiously, [[Chris and reality|Chris began identifying as a lesbian]] in [[August 2014]], and denied that there is no such thing as a male lesbian (citing Yahoo! Answers as proof). While he seemed to soften his stance on gay men (''very'' reluctantly), he also indicated that he hated his own duck, in addition to his pre-existing hatred of ducks in general.

In July, Chris claimed to have a [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. Needless to say, many [[Megan Schroeder|doubted it]] [[Wallflower|would last]], [[Catherine|of which they were accurate]].

As of Halloween, Chris has been swanning around attending (and likely ruining) LGBTQ events around Charlottesville, including attending a Halloween party at a gay bar dressed as a lesbian from the 70s. At such events, he obviously mingles with people infinitely more accepting and kind than himself. This necessarily will result either in Chris becoming a better person or in Chris being banned and ostracized from these gatherings. If history suggests a single thing, it is that the latter scenario will occur.

In early November, it was confirmed that his latest sweetheart was yet another troll persona. This has led to an outpouring of disappointment and disgust from many of his [[CWCki Forums|unappreciated abettors]], who were hoping that, for once, Chris had got lucky. It is unclear, but likely, that she was the same woman mentioned above who was dating him in July.

This glimmer of pity was extinguished in December, as Chris [[26 December 2014|broke three laws in one outing to]] [[GameStop]] on Boxing Day. His main offense was assaulting an employee who was calling security, with mace; showing that, again, Chris has yet to learn anything from his mistakes, if he even regards them as mistakes to begin with. Only time will tell how much trouble Chris has landed himself in this time, but given his current financial status and history, it can't be good. Needless to say, Chris has no one to blame but himself for this mess, which isn't to say he won't try.

In January 2015, Chris asked people to start referring him with female pronouns, and subsequently caused another ruckus at Wal-Mart.
{{clear}}

==Featured fan video==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==Sources==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}
<references/>

==External links==
[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ Christian Weston Chandler] at the [[Wikipedia:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Megatron pistol

2015-02-12T13:57:33Z

FishDicks: Undo revision 182683 by FishDicks (talk)

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Chris_CWC_angry_Pistol.jpg|thumb|The pistol in "[[CWC is Angry]]", next to what appears to be the [[Fapcup]].]]

Since Chris is fascinated by the [[Transformers]], his primary frame of reference for firearms is '''Megatron''', the evil Decepticon rival of the heroic Autobot [[Optimus Prime]]. In his original 1980s incarnation, Megatron transformed (somewhat controversially) into a [[Wikipedia:Walther P38|Walther P38]] pistol which is [[CWCville|coincidentally]] the preferred sidearm of Nazi Germany in World War Two.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walther_P38 Walther P38 - Wikipedia]</ref> Chris owns a Megatron pistol, and is not afraid to let his enemies know it.

Chris would later drop the pistol in favor of the more versatile [[pocket knife]].

==The gun==
[[Image:Mp5-Megatron.PNG|thumb|A proper use of gov'ment money.]]

The version of the toy that Chris owns is the original "generation one" mold used in the 1980s, although it's probably a reissue sold during the 2000s. Since modern US toy regulations forbid toys that look like guns, it's relatively cost-prohibitive to obtain a Megatron. Moreover, Chris's has a mechanism for firing small plastic pellets, which has never been available domestically. All of this indicates that Chris obtained his "piece" from an American website specializing in importing exclusive Japanese Transformers. He certainly would have had to pay well over $100 for it – money coming directly out of his [[monthly tugboat]]. Knowing Chris and his idea of cleanliness, not to mention the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|14 Branchland Court fire]], the toy is probably worthless now.

One of the reasons they don't sell Megatrons that turn into pistols anymore is out of public concerns that children brandishing toy guns could unwittingly provoke the [[Jerkops|police]], forcing them to err on the side of caution and defend themselves with lethal force. Given his recent run-ins with the [[law]], this sounds like exactly the sort of thing Chris might actually do.

==Use in real life==
After losing the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] contest, Chris took out his frustration on contest winner [[Adam Stackhouse]] by creating [[CWC is Angry|a video]] wherein he sets up a photo of Stackhouse and shoots at it with Megatron.

The pistol has also appeared in the [[War Paint Video]], in which Chris insists that he's a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] – apparently referring to the sort of Cherokees who carry Japanese toys of Cybertronian robots disguised as German weapons.

The pistol was last seen when it appeared in the [[DivineTrial|Divine Trial video]], in which it was used to execute [[Clyde Cash]].

In a [[Twitter#28_June_2012|Twitter update]] from June 2012, Chris alludes to shooting himself in the head with the Megatron pistol during a depressive episode.

==Use in the comics==
[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|The pistol in ''[[Sonichu Special 4]]''.]]

{{Quote|I know, but you shot him with a real gun in the comic. Like—like… he was my boyfriend, and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him a little? That's just weird. I just—I mean, like, I was expecting, like, you know, like, a magical fight, not like… you shooting him.|[[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|voicing some discomfort]]}}

[[Sonichu Special 4]] saw the first hand-drawn appearance of Chris's Megatron pistol. In an attempt to rescue Kacey from her [[Liquid|own boyfriend]], Chris drives as fast as he legally can to their house and enters uninvited. Liquid, fearing a home invasion, charges Chris with a knife. Chris sidesteps this attack and then goes on to disarm Liquid, throw him to the ground, and shoot him in both shins, permanently crippling him. Although Chris clearly understands his toy is not a real gun, he is compelled to draw real guns to look exactly like Megatron, just as every big rig he draws has to be a red cab-over, even if it's running over his [[Sarah Jackson|gal-pal]].

==Fan works==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fair warning is given, viewing these images may result in blindness and/or copious amounts of vomit. |[[File:Guncomic.jpg|thumb|center|100px|"My [[Love Quest]] is finally over!"]]}}</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Optimus Prime]]
*[[Transformers]]
*[[Samurai Pizza Bots]]
*[[Decepti-Clones]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Megatron (Transformers)|Megatron]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Megatron pistol

2015-02-12T13:54:37Z

FishDicks:

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Chris_CWC_angry_Pistol.jpg|thumb|The pistol in "[[CWC is Angry]]", next to what appears to be the [[Fapcup]].]]

Since Chris is fascinated by the [[Transformers]], his primary frame of reference for firearms is '''Megatron''', the evil Decepticon rival of the heroic Autobot [[Optimus Prime]]. In his original 1980s incarnation, Megatron transformed (somewhat controversially) into a [[Wikipedia:Walther P38|Walther P38]] pistol which is [[CWCville|coincidentally]] the preferred sidearm of [[Cwcville|Nazi Germany]] in World War Two.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walther_P38 Walther P38 - Wikipedia]</ref> Chris owns a Megatron pistol, and is not afraid to let his enemies know it.

Chris would later drop the pistol in favor of the more versatile [[pocket knife]].

==The gun==
[[Image:Mp5-Megatron.PNG|thumb|A proper use of gov'ment money.]]

The version of the toy that Chris owns is the original "generation one" mold used in the 1980s, although it's probably a reissue sold during the 2000s. Since modern US toy regulations forbid toys that look like guns, it's relatively cost-prohibitive to obtain a Megatron. Moreover, Chris's has a mechanism for firing small plastic pellets, which has never been available domestically. All of this indicates that Chris obtained his "piece" from an American website specializing in importing exclusive Japanese Transformers. He certainly would have had to pay well over $100 for it – money coming directly out of his [[monthly tugboat]]. Knowing Chris and his idea of cleanliness, not to mention the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|14 Branchland Court fire]], the toy is probably worthless now.

One of the reasons they don't sell Megatrons that turn into pistols anymore is out of public concerns that children brandishing toy guns could unwittingly provoke the [[Jerkops|police]], forcing them to err on the side of caution and defend themselves with lethal force. Given his recent run-ins with the [[law]], this sounds like exactly the sort of thing Chris might actually do.

==Use in real life==
After losing the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] contest, Chris took out his frustration on contest winner [[Adam Stackhouse]] by creating [[CWC is Angry|a video]] wherein he sets up a photo of Stackhouse and shoots at it with Megatron.

The pistol has also appeared in the [[War Paint Video]], in which Chris insists that he's a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] – apparently referring to the sort of Cherokees who carry Japanese toys of Cybertronian robots disguised as German weapons.

The pistol was last seen when it appeared in the [[DivineTrial|Divine Trial video]], in which it was used to execute [[Clyde Cash]].

In a [[Twitter#28_June_2012|Twitter update]] from June 2012, Chris alludes to shooting himself in the head with the Megatron pistol during a depressive episode.

==Use in the comics==
[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|The pistol in ''[[Sonichu Special 4]]''.]]

{{Quote|I know, but you shot him with a real gun in the comic. Like—like… he was my boyfriend, and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him a little? That's just weird. I just—I mean, like, I was expecting, like, you know, like, a magical fight, not like… you shooting him.|[[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|voicing some discomfort]]}}

[[Sonichu Special 4]] saw the first hand-drawn appearance of Chris's Megatron pistol. In an attempt to rescue Kacey from her [[Liquid|own boyfriend]], Chris drives as fast as he legally can to their house and enters uninvited. Liquid, fearing a home invasion, charges Chris with a knife. Chris sidesteps this attack and then goes on to disarm Liquid, throw him to the ground, and shoot him in both shins, permanently crippling him. Although Chris clearly understands his toy is not a real gun, he is compelled to draw real guns to look exactly like Megatron, just as every big rig he draws has to be a red cab-over, even if it's running over his [[Sarah Jackson|gal-pal]].

==Fan works==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fair warning is given, viewing these images may result in blindness and/or copious amounts of vomit. |[[File:Guncomic.jpg|thumb|center|100px|"My [[Love Quest]] is finally over!"]]}}</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Optimus Prime]]
*[[Transformers]]
*[[Samurai Pizza Bots]]
*[[Decepti-Clones]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Megatron (Transformers)|Megatron]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

User:FishDicks

2015-01-15T14:36:57Z

FishDicks:

26 December 2014

2015-01-06T13:49:08Z

FishDicks: /* See also */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Nintendo|Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this [[JERKS|MALE]] Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, [[List of places that have banned Chris|"YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW."]] But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Autism|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few [[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] [[Death threats|solutions]], but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.|Chris's [[Chris and reality|summary of the events]].}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] [[Netflix]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Once more, Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a store]]. This time, though, it doesn't look like he'll get off the hook so easily.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===

[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, sporting full [[Tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalising their Sonic Boom merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of [[Chris and fashion|purple sunglasses intended for little girls]] as a [[Honor roll|"disguise"]]. Needless to say, he was immediately recognised by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalise the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the Sonic Boom games before leaving, but he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff [[Chris and negotiation|"Don't call anybody!"]] as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he (with no provocation) pepper-sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed, and the store did not close.

The clip of Chris has quickly became viral, earning over 100,000 views as of 5 January 2015.

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weening|weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris had some sort of encounter with a [[JERKS|man]] in his car in the parking lot (speculated to be an attempted carjacking, or Chris [[Honor roll|trying to get in the wrong car]] in a moment of blind panic), who also notified the police. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking JCPenney and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, and had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car (this also marks one of the few times Barb found out what was going on before the trolls did). Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] and get sympathy out of his [[white knight|white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of the [[CWCki Forums]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point.

After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the full hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. His hearing will take place in February.

===Aftermath===
A followup call from a [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of [[28 October 2011]]. If the claims by the troll are indeed true, it is likely that Chris will be facing severe legal penalties, as his crime was technically malicious assault, as well as the laws he broke by not only refusing to leave a premise he was banned from but quite possibly also vandalism of their merchandise. That's without factoring in whatever he got up to in JCPenney, Sears or the parking lot.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanour, as [[Michael Snyder]] did after the 28 October 2011 incident.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's prison sentence ranging from mere days to 5 years, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], perhaps even [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many [[Chris and psychology|hope for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has been forced to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Snyder deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, and the CWCki Forums, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's [[white knight|white knights]] have consistently ass-patted him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and nursed his ego, not to mention the extremely mild scolding they gave him when he did come home from prison. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place, but instead, it has gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|simply expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions when he fucks up]].

Regardless of how he's punished, it's doubtful it'll teach Chris anything about how to behave in public. It'll more likely simply resuscitate [[Chris and anger|his old grudge against]] [[Jerkop|police officers]] and [[Manajerks|retail workers]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted bail and left jail.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]] revealing that Chris is continuing to behave angrily at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and most likely threatened to use his mace. This was confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried quite a lot of trolls, as Chris has apparently developed a case of invincibility syndrome, feeling that nobody could reprimand him as long as he can threaten to mace them.

== Chris's side of the story ==

{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident - aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident - and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) Facebook. Even his [[White knight|White Knights]] seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying Sega was directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying the employee wasn't Chris misinterpreting pepper-spraying as a feminine display of contempt. Consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed the last employee on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Screenshots ==
<gallery>
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = GameStop Assault
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next =
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''A beep is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': [[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, and a family at the counter can be seen in shock at the horror they've just witnessed.'']

'''Employee 1''': (To customer at register): Twenty-two ten. (Laughs)

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee with pepper spray, who recoils in self-defense.'']

'''Employee 2''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven ''??????''

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then... I'll go check the car. He is described as a ''(sighs)'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and fake breasts. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'm ''???????'' I'll be in that ''?????'' for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Song for Jackie.MOV

2014-12-21T20:51:11Z

FishDicks:

[[File:128469211411.jpg|thumb|The greatest show on earth]]

'''Song for Jackie.MOV ''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] to [[YouTube]] 16 [[September 2010]]. At [[Jackie's]] direction, Chris dons a turban and paints his face in black and red to resemble [http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Popo Mr. Popo] from ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]'' and [[Chris and Music|"sings"]] his version of [[Wikipedia:Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm|"Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"]] by [[Wikipedia:Crash Test Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]], and then rounds out the performance with a [[Wikipedia:Minstrel show|minstrel song]] adapted from the Spike Lee movie ''[[Wikipedia:Bamboozled|Bamboozled]]'', his [[muscle bra|masculine bosoms]] flailing wildly with each gyration.

 

==Video==

{{quotebox|Attention, I am portraying the Dragonball Character, Mr. Popo.

I am not, [[:File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|nor would ever]], making fun of any [[black people]] living, [[Chris and Death|dead]] or fiction. Nor am I making fun of the Hindu people. Both of which, Blacks and Hindus, are good people too.

Again, this video presentation is NOT meant to make fun of the Blacks or the Hindus. It is only a video for my girlfriend to cosplay as Mr. Popo from the Dragonball Television Series.}}

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Song For Jackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|N06ImNoXss4}}
| stardate = 16 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Racism|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[XBox is OK.MOV]]
| next = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Niggocwc.jpg|thumb|left|♫ Mammy, I'm home from Alabammy ♫]]
[[File:PopoWTF.jpg|thumb|Mr. Popo, who Chris was trying to impersonate in this video]]

[''fake sounding accent''] 'Ello. I am [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] wearing genie, [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]. [''nods and folds his arms, then turns on audio''] I tell you a story. It is a good story. You will enjoy story.

[''plays "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"'']

[''starts "singing" ''] Once there was this boy [''flashes manboobs''] who was born with some autism and yet made a few friends, but after his [[high school]] years he...[[ShecameforCWC.JPG|lost]]...his [[gal pals|friends]] and was [[Stress|troll tortured]]. By [[Trolls|bullies]] who were [[Chris and his Ego|jealous of his material things]] [wiggles his head from side to side and waggles his finger] Nonononononono. [''hums'']

Once there was this girl who continued to have friends long after high school. She could have had her pick of men. But then she found the wayward lost boy. They matched up very well, [[:File: SchuComic10P09.jpg|heavenly matched]]...
Loooove, it was so- [''hums'']

And both [''starts to say 'boy', turns it into 'girl'''] [[Tomgirl|boirl]] and boy were glad when they both saw each other's eyes. When they met up! They both thought of each other. Very often! They had enjoyed each other's company sweetly. Oh, roller coaster ecstasy. [[Chris and Reality|In fantasy]], their days were simple and they looked to be married and have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]]. And [[Crystal|girl]]. It's true! Wait for [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|marriage invitations]]!

[''Suddenly animated, imitating fiddle player''] And there ain't no Saiyans on de [[Gitar of Fail|fiddle]], no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

[''begins to dance what is most likely a continuation of whatever Minstrel Song he saw; a mockery of African aboriginal dancing'']
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

And there ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

[''spoken''] Happy [[hanky-panky|loving]]! Between me and Jackie! I love you [[sweetheart]]. [[Duck|Boing!]]

==See also==
* [[For My Sweetest Ivy]]
* [[A CWC Audition]]
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[XBox is OK.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2010| 2010-09-16]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-09-16]]

4-cent garbage.com

2014-12-05T19:25:46Z

FishDicks:

{{DISPLAYTITLE:4-cent_garbage.com}}
[[Image:4-cent garbage.png|thumb|INTERNET AUTISTIC HATE MACHINE]]
'''4-cent_garbage''' is [[Chris]]'s representation of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4chan. Since he blames ED for [[Megan Schroeder|breaking up the closest thing to a relationship that he ever had]], he must naturally demonize it in his comics.

In the comics, it is depicted as a business based in a large 72 floor office building in which several hundred [[Trolls|employees]] work. Apparently, the business runs both a website and a magazine, the contents of which are unclear. The website seems to be analogous to the real life ED, having several articles on existing people, or at least mentioning them<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_30</ref> and a huge load of dickgirl images which are uploaded nearly constantly.
[[File:SchuComic8P11.jpg|thumb|[[Star Wars|You will never find a more wretched hive of lulz and trolling]].]]
Jason's final speech in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], as well as Chris's ramblings in the Time Void, seem to indicate that any percieved inaccuracies in the articles or images hosted on the site are deliberate attempts to slander Chris and his Sonichus.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_31</ref> Why exactly Jason would wish to do this or [[Chris and his Ego#Persecution complex|why he has chosen to target Chris]] is never addressed, but his presence at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] meeting in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]] seem to suggest that the company and all of its employees are a part of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s secret trolling cabal.

It is worth noting that this is the closest Chris has ever made it to creating an actual [[parody]].

==Inspiration==
In [[2007]], while innocently stroking his [[Chris and his Ego|ego]], Chris discovered [[ED]]'s page satirizing him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. What really [[Family Guy|ground his gears]] about the page was the "fan art" of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle|penis]]. Beginning 10 November 2007, Chris embarked on a quest to [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|make the website less scathing]] by uploading hideously drawn [[Rule 34]] of his little abominations (and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]), along with the infamous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] to his page.

How Chris first encountered 4chan is less clear. An [[White knight e-mails#November 2007 .E2.80.94 ED alert|e-mail from a white knight]] on 5 November 2007 attempted to alert him to the ED page, and referred to the article as being created and written by the same people making fun of Chris on 4chan's /v/ board. Whether he paid any attention to the message or not, what is known is that on [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#November 2007|12 November 2007]], Chris first acknowledged 4chan when he made another edit to the "Chris-chan" article:

{{quote|Christian Weston Chandler would like [[ED]] and [[4chan]] to know the following: '''I will continue to Shove The True Facts From My Heart and Soul Down Your Throats, only until you take this WHOLE PAGE Down For Good.'''}}

From this, it can be reasonably assumed that Chris discovered 4chan and ED around the same time, and that he considered them to be essentially one and the same. Chris would continue his Sisyphean edit war against ED well into 2008, but ultimately, all he succeeded in doing was alienating [[Megan Schroeder]].

By August 2008, Chris was finishing [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], and he apparently felt the need to address these recent developments in the pages of his comic. Issue #7 opened with Megan as a supporting character in the story, but with the [[Megan Emails, 2008#Megan asks Chris to leave her alone again.2C attempts to talk sense into him|real Megan wanting nothing more to do with Chris]], he decided to write her out of the story. As for ED and 4chan, Chris would lump these two concepts together and dub them "4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com." The name is a slight mystery, because underscores (_) are not permitted in Internet domain names.

==Introduction: ''Sonichu'' #7==
''Sonichu'' #7 was the first issue of the series to be influenced by Chris's interactions with online [[trolls]]. While Chris didn't finish the comic until 20 August 2008, the events of the issue are all set in 2 November 2007, one day before the ED article was created. Just as past issues of ''Sonichu'' were very loosely based on Chris's real life, he must have wanted to acknowledge the conflict with ED/4chan and his estrangement from Megan in #7. But all of that happened ''after'' 2 November 2007.

Chris's solution was the [[Time Void]]; a poorly-defined realm where Chris's character would be trapped for the next two issues. While stranded in the Time Void, Chris would somehow experience events going on in his real life while the fictional events in the comics unfolded without him. Upon entering the Time Void, Chris found himself assaulted by "random...new memories...popping in...my head!" These were memories of things that happened after 2 November 2007, so Chris was essentially using the Time Void to "remember" the future. Along with fictional events like the [[Sonichu 9|Battle of CWCville]], Chris also experienced "memories" of [[Joshua Martinez]] setting him up with "[[Lori Lopez]]", and Megan "dumping" him via [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|e-mail]].

{{quote|Dumping me? But why?!! 4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com? Mocking me? Slanderous Filth?!!! A drawing of me and [[Retcons|Meg-Chan]]... Intimate? And I drew that?!! She dumped me over that? Oh... that hurts! Still. Curse your 4-cent garbage!|Chris first mentions 4-cent_garbage in the Time Void|''Sonichu'' #7}}

It became clear from this scene that once Chris escaped from the Time Void, he would do battle with 4-cent_Garbage as a proxy for ED and 4chan, just as he had battled [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] as proxies for those who interfered with his [[Love Quest]].

==Conflict with Sonichu and Rosechu: ''Sonichu'' #8==
[[Image:4-CENT-GARBAGE.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and his super cool pals in front of the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters]]
In the first part of ''Sonichu'' #8, "Rage Against the Garbage", 4-cent_garbage was formally introduced as a villainous organization dedicated to slandering people for the sake of amusement. (Note Chris's inability to differentiate between [[wikipedia:Defamation#Slander|slander]] and [[wikipedia:Defamation#Libel|libel]], the former of which requires spoken words or real-life gestures, impossible for a website or magazine to do.) Rosechu discovers the site on 3 November 2007, which just happens to be the date that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] created the "Chris-chan" article on ED. The site's content includes a page that slanders Sonichu, Chris, and her, along with "lifelike" drawings of Rosechu with a [[pickle]]. While Sonichu is overcome with the [[stress]] of seeing his mate depicted with a penis, Rosechu decides to fight fire with fire by editing the site, just as Chris had tried in real life. She crawls into her [[April 16 Fetish Vids|dirty, mildew-laden bathroom]] and takes pictures of herself in the [[nudes|nude]], and then uploads them onto the 4-cent website. However 4-cent_garbage simply adds more dickgirl pictures, and she realizes that her plan will never work.

Instead, she travels with [[Sonichu]] and [[Wild]] to 4-cent_garbage's headquarters in [[wikipedia:Clarksville, Tennessee|Clarksville, Tennessee]], to confront the leader of the organization. While Wild sneaks into the building in search of one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], Sonichu and Rosechu take the elevator to the top floor, and meet [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and his 17-year old "womanslave" [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], who had previously cameoed in issue #7. The meeting is civil at first, but when Jason refuses to take down the "Chris-chan" page, Sonichu tries to fight him, and loses. Rosechu fares better as [[The Incredible Lioness]], having [[Chris and the law|inflicted wounds that would have killed a normal man]] in fact, but the page remains up, and their mission is ultimately a failure.

==The Fall of 4-cent_garbage: ''Sonichu'' #10==
[[File:Jason's Hexbox.jpg|thumb|Jason plots against Chris with his [[HEXBox]].]]
Upon Chris's return from the Time Void on 9 [[August 2007]], he immediately coordinates an attack on the 4-cent_garbage HQ, ordering Sonichu, Wild, [[Black Sonichu]], [[Punchy Sonichu]], and [[Son-Chu]] to meet him in front of the building. Chris arrives first as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and Jason and [[Beel]] lay a trap for him and try to steal his [[medallion]]. However, Chris discovers that the TRUE AND HONEST source of his Anchuent powers is his [[high school ring]], which he uses to retrieve the Medallion and free himself.

Later, when Chris's allies arrive, he orders Son-Chu to transform into a sound stage for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]. Using the [[Gitar of Fail]], Chris then leads the band in a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]], and the intense power of their music begins to shake the building apart. Inside, Jason converts his throne into an escape pod, and flees with Kathleen, leaving the others behind. Jason declares that he is retiring from trolling, in order to settle down with Kathleen and live a normal life. Chris also takes the time to use Jason as a mouthpiece to condemn [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for "slandering and torturing and innocent man", [[Hypocrisy|even though that was what Jason was supposedly doing not two issues ago]]. Beel meanwhile decides to take shelter in the basement, explaining that he could not be killed and would simply be reassigned to [[Count Graduon]] once the building was destroyed, and Clyde and Jack, alone on the top floor and with no way out, choose to commit suicide by leaping down the elevator shaft together just as the building collapses, refusing to let themselves be killed by Chris.

[[Twin Falling Towers|The building then gives way and collapses, with 1500 people still alive inside.]]

[[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]] reports that of the 1500 people who were in the building...
*500 were "[[Chris and reality|prefectly [sic] unharmed]]".
*250 were too drunk to escape on their own.
:*125 of these drunk trolls managed to get out alive with help from sober trolls.
:*125 of the drunk trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*125 sober trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*250 others were injured.
*150 others were "safe but hurt".
*100 were killed.

[[Honor roll|Note that this only accounts for 1,375 people.]]

Despite having just destroyed a building and killed between 100-350 innocent people, Chris then calls for the ambulances himself whilst he and his team of recolors help to rescue the survivors that they themselves had nearly killed. Afterwards, Chris then [[Chris and remorse|weeps for the victims of his own mass murder]], whilst also maintaining that it was [[Chris and his Ego|the trolls' faults they were killed, because they made fun of him on the internet]].

Supposedly, destroying 4-cent_garbage's headquarters disabled its website as well, along with Encylcopedia Dramatica's website, such that both sites' data was irrevocably lost, and neither would ever be restored.

==The 4-cent_garbage building==
4-cent_garbage appears to be a multimedia operation, with a website and a print magazine operated from a brick-and-mortar building in Clarksville, Tennessee. The location of the building is probably intended to refer to where the real Jason lives, or at least where Chris ''thinks'' he lives.

The 4-cent_garbage building is 72 stories tall (66+6, as described by [[Beel]]), and the interior is painted bright red to resemble [[CWCville|Hell]]. On the ground floor, Beel sits at the receptionist desk and directs visitors to an elevator on the far side of the atrium. Employees are seen on several higher floors drinking an alcoholic beverage called "[[Reeb]]", and passing out on the floor when their shift is over. Their work seems to involve sitting at computer terminals, uploading and editing images of Chris and his characters.

On the 72nd floor, Jason Kendrick Howell holds court with his womanslave Kathleen at his side. It is unknown where Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus were stationed in the building, or what their jobs were before the building's destruction.

Security in the building was incredibly lax. [[Wild Sonichu]] turned invisible to sneak into the upper floors in search of a [[Sonichu Ball]], only to find it left on a desk. Once he took the ball, his invisibility wore off, but he was still able to slip back out of the building unnoticed.

===The elevator gags===
[[Image:SchuRchuReactions1.jpg|thumb|Planning? In MY ''Sonichu''? It's less likely than you think.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-B.jpg|thumb|What is this, I don't even.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|thumb|That's right, the entire White House is on the 51st floor.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg|thumb|Chris's favorite pictures from ED. Take special note of the [[pedofork|last one]]]]
A large part of "Rage Against the Garbage" features Sonichu and Rosechu exploring different floors in the 4-cent_garbage Building. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at so many different floors to look around at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever is depicted, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason.

This appears to have been one of Chris's attempts to employ some of his trademark [[random-access humor]], by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not. In some strange attempt at foreshadowing, Chris located these images on ED and then put them on his user page while he was still trying to edit the site.

{{quote|You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough.|Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in ''Sonichu'' #8.}}

Whatever his reasons, Chris seemed to believe that using images from ED in one of his comics would somehow be a big deal. The floors used in the comic are listed below, along with a description of what Chris put on each one.

*2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent_garbage.com employees passed out drunk at their workstations. When the one of them recovers from his hangover and gets up, he relieves the only other conscious employee of his shift and takes over. The relieved guard then drinks a can of "[[Alcohol|Reeb]]" and passes out on the floor like the others, while Sonichu and Rosechu look on from the elevator and [[sigh]].
*3rd floor: [[Pedofork|Pedobear]] in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
*4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Sonicrocksmysocks Sonicrocksmysocks]", from the ED article of the same name.
*7th floor: A 4-cent_garbage.com employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
*8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent_garbage.com employee working on a picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
*9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu sucking Rosechu's penis.
*10th floor: Chris emerges from the [[Time Void]] to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
*11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by [http://encyclopediadramatica.es/Branca Branca], a batshit insane fan of the animated band Gorillaz. Sonichu considers it to be sad.
*12th floor: Fan art of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu [[naïve]]ly wonders when he became so popular.
*13th floor: Female versions of [[Sonic]], Tails, and Knuckles. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
*14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
*21st floor: [[Wikipedia:The Bathers (Cézanne)|''Les Grandes Baigneuses'']] an 1887 painting by [[Wikipedia:Paul Cézanne|Paul Cézanne]]. ED has a copy of the image which has been edited with captions to reference the "Branca" article on ED.
*22nd floor: ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
*23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asscheeks, as if for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's ''[[Pokémon]]'' article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
*24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
*33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's ''[[Transformers]]'' page.
*34th floor: Sonic/Amy Rose Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position very similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu earlier in the issue..
*35th floor: Nude artwork of Amy Rose, Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Rabbit. Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
*36th floor: Strip poker game featuring various female characters from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]''. The image has been adapted into a parody of a ''Magic: The Gathering'' Card.
*51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton, looking on while [[Barack Obama]] paints the walls black. [[George W. Bush]] cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father [[Bob Chandler]] came up with this "joke." Recall that this story is set in the fall of ''[[2007]]'', so the joke really makes no sense for that year.
*61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from ''Animaniacs''.
*62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from ''[[Family Guy]]''.
*63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Starmie, from ''[[Pokémon]]''. Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
*69th floor: Image of "XBOX 360-ko", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the XBox 360. As the following floor features an Xbox 360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women.
*70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an Xbox 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women.
*71st floor: [[PS3]] message congratulating whoever murdered the HEXBox. It states that you may "now play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single Xbox somehow interfered with such activity.

Note that it is never addressed whether or not the images such as the Rule 34 depicted here are really just drawings on a computer or poster in the building, or if they have a physical presence. However, the fact that Sonichu cheers on Sonic as he has sex with Amy Rose suggests that they are really there.

===Business and Staff===
{{quote|I am a troll with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance. The page will stay up; this meeting is over!|Jason Kendrick Howell, responding to Sonichu's request to remove the "Chris-chan" page, ''Sonichu'' #8}}

4-cent_garbage does not appear to have any clear marketing objective. While this may seem like an oversight on Chris's part, it may well be a genuine commentary on the pointlessness of 4chan and ED's activities. While most people would consider them to be entertainment sites, with no other purpose than to provide humor or diversion, Chris obviously doesn't find them funny, and so he depicted 4-cent_garbage as a tower of bullies, mass-producing cruelty for its own sake. In the comic, Jason says his only goal in life is to hurt as many people as he can before he dies. While he may have only been speaking for himself, this seems to be the ''raison d'être'' for everyone else who works there.

In ''Sonichu'' #10, Beel explains that "this trolling gig is my hell", suggesting that he has been condemned to work there, possibly because he had once been "main assistant to Adolf Hitler". Unable to die, Beel would simply be damned to serve yet another villain, [[Count Graduon]], once the 4-cent_garbage building was destroyed.

While [[Clyde Cash]] had been previously depicted in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]] as an agent of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], he also appears in ''Sonichu'' #10 supporting 4-cent_garbage. Though confusing in some respects, especially concerning the canonicity of the Sonichu Specials, this dual role may not be a complete contradiction, as the exact relationship between 4-cent_garbage and [[PVCC]] is never explained.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]
*[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]]
*[[Beel]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[The Incredible Lioness]]
*[[Revive Zordon]]
*[[Twin Falling Towers]]
*[[Chris and death]]

== External links ==
*[http://www.4chan.org/ 4chan] - A *chan imageboard and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's name.
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/ Encyclopedia Dramatica] - An internet satire wiki and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's role in the comics.
*[http://789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/] - Another *chan imageboard which sometimes adopts the name 4-cent_garbage in reference to the comics.

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Sonichu 1 Official Videobook

2014-12-03T16:55:41Z

FishDicks: /* Episode 6: Black Meadow Combat. */

{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Book 1 Videobooks|linkname=Sonichu Book 1 Videobooks}}
[[Image:issueone.jpg|right|thumb|300px|''Sonichu 1'']]

'''''Sonichu 1'' Official Videobook''' is a series of videos made by [[Chris]], in which he reads and comments on ''[[Sonichu 1]]''. He started uploading these videos on 11 [[September 2009]].

*In Episode 4, the genesis of Black Sonichu! I mean, Blachu! I mean, [[Black Sonichu|BLAKE]]!!
*In Episode 5, Black Sonichu [[sex|kidnaps]] Rosechu! And Chris rants about Autism awareness and how
{{quote|ASPERGER'S IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!}}
*In Episode 6, it's POW! BAM! STRAIGHT TO THE MOON! for [[Metal Sonichu]]!
*In Sub-Episode 2, Chris gets trolled at the mall!
{{quote|NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!}}

==Episode 4==

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 4: Darkness, Speed & Lightning!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|u4eLJQwKjrA}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2009]]
| Episode = [[Episode 4|4]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]], [[Bill the Scientist]], [[Black Sonichu]] and [[Robotnik]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 1|Sub-Episode 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 5|Episode 5]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Welcome back. Here's the next installment of the official comi- of the official audio-video book series. Book Number 1. Once again, all Sonichu material is copyrighted on March 17, 2000 by me, Christian Weston Chandler, any names or persons illustrated in the Sonichu comics except for my- of myself that may seemilar- similar to anyone in real life, or fiction, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic. In this case, some of it parodic. So anyway, Book Number 1.

Sonic is standing by Sonichu, and Sonic says, "Is that supposed to be your clone?"

:"Unfortunately, Sonic, yes!"

:"Chemical 'X'"?

:"No, cherry cola! What's wrong with you, this is the- this is not the Powerpuff Girls!"

====Episode 4: Introducing Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, and Lightning!"====
...with an accidental dose of Cherry Cola!

Over in, uh- the, uh- hhhh- the hou- in the house of Naitsirhc and his adoptive father Giovanni, Giovanni talks to Naitsirhc, and Giovanni says, "Naitsirhc! Even though you have lost your battle with that hedgehog Sonichu, I am proud that you were able to obtain a sample of hi- of his DNA. I then located the base of Dr. Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik, and needless to say after I showed him the photo of that Pokemon, he was astounded! And we shook in agreement of Dr. Robotnik recr- reconstructing the DNA machine that was found on New Island. Soon, we will have a 'Sonichu' of our own, to send out and defeat the original. Naitsirhc, our victory is assured! Or I am not Giovanni, leader of Team Rocket! Heheheheheh!"

Meanwhile, in the underground lab, the, uh, scientists are putting toge- putting it all together. We've got Sonichu's DNA next to a can of cherry cola. Mmhh. Anyway, we've got the scientist working on it, uh, and then another scientist says, "Hey Bill! Bring me a DNA- bring the DNA sample to the machine!"

:"Ok! Oops!"

He hits the sam- he hits- he hits the can of cherry cola, it spills into the uh, DNA.

:"Uh oh! Oh well!"

Then he puts the sample in the thing, and then he takes it to the machine, then he puts it ''in'' the machine. Then the machi- then the machine initiates.

:"Analyzing data. Adding inputed data. Pokemon identified. Beginning cloning sequence."

[''BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB'']

:"Hmm... Maybe it's the liquid, but this Sonichu looks [[Niggos|black]] to me!"

:"[''robot voice''] Attention! Attention! This is an audio record addressed only to the Sonichu in the tank. You are a Sonichu. You obey only Giovanni and his son Naitsirhc."

:Mmmmm... Sonichu... Naitsirhc...

:"You are dark, evil and very powerful. When awakened, you will ssseek and fight your original counterpart."

:Mmmm... Powerful... Counterpart? What information are these fools trying to brainwash into me? Eyeah, I'll do whatever I please! But I'll play along.

So now everybody's standing around the capsule with the hedgehog in it, and Giovanni says, "Well, Robotnik. Here's the result of our- of your skills and our genius! What is your opinion?"

:"He reminds me of another creature I released years ago! But I'm sure this 'Sonichu' is much stronger!"

:"Boss! I'm reading the brainwaves. Of the Pokemon. And they're racing!"

:"Well then, let's release him!"

:"I agree! Let's drain the fluid and raise the tube!"

:"Yessir!"

:"Eh, I'm not sure, but he looks black to me! Oh well, he'll still shock that hedgehog!"

[''BEEP BEEP BEEP BOOP BOOP CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BLUBLUBLUBLUB PSHEWWWWWW'']

:"Wow, he is black! Well, I'll just call him Black Sonichu."

:"That's fine with me! But let's just shorten that to Blachu, deal?"

:"Huh? Uh, ok, yeah, sure, deal. I am Naitsirhc, your master. This is my fa- uh, my father Giovanni. Do not cross him. And that's Dr. Robotnik."

:"Eh, my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Black Sonichu."

:"Mine as well! Please accept these rocket boosters as your first birthday present! Hahahaha!"

And so Black Sonichu gets his rocket boosters, they increase his speed. Anyway, Naitsirhc approaches Blac- Black Sonichu and puts his hand across his shoulder and he says, "Come, Blachu, and we will brief you on your mission, birth and training."

Then three hours later in a briefing room...

"Lights on! So Blachu, if you have any questions please ask them now," says Giovanni.

"Yes sir!" res- replies Black Sonichu. "If I was cloned from Sonichu's DNA, shouldn't that make him my father? And also, why am I black and not yellow?"

Giovanni replies, "Astounding questions, Blachu! And with all due respect, I would not refer to Sonichu as your father, more as your brother, but do not ever look up to him. And as my scientist Bill reported, he spilled some cherry cola onto your DNA strands. The black and red chemicals must have overridden the brown and yellow pigment. Any other questions?"

Robonik comes in and he s- and he er- and he says, "Giovanni! I searched on the internet and found data on Sonichu from the Pokemon database!"

:"Well, let's see it! Hmmm, I'm reading over the papers, hmmm..."

:"Apparently it was reported to Professor Oak by a trainer named Kelr- [[Kel]]."

:"Excellent, Robotnik! Now we can compare these statistics with Black Sonichu's, and make him much stronger den- and faster. What's this on the other page?"

:"Oh! That'd be Rosechu! Also an electric hedgehog Pokemon. I also learned that she is Sonichu's girlfriend."

:"ALL SO PERFECT! Now we have the plan to lure Sonichu into our trap! After training our Black Sonichu, he will kidnap Rosechu! Haha, good work! Now make a machine to drain Sonichu's bowe- power, Robotnik!"

:"Yes, sir! Hahahahaha!"

Training days! [''montage music''] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dahhhh!

Speed test: Go! [''SHHW!''] Uh oh! Shoot, you got my clothes! And I cut hhh- cut myself with this tree! That swipped over with this high speed... [''Chris giggles'']

Strength Tench: [''PSHH!''] Breaks the brick wall. Destroy 20 tons.

Spin-dash test: Result: 200 rotations in a minute.

Target Practice: [''PSHW-PING! PSHW-PING! PSHW-PING!''] Result: 99.5% accurate.

And the result of the speed test was 200 kilometers an hour. The scientist comes in later and uh, give- r- reports to Giovanni and Robotnik.

:"Here the recorts- the reports you requested, sir!"

"Excellent!" says Giovanni. And in comparison, both of them have equal special attack, special defense, hit points and speed. But Sonic- but Black Sonichu has one attack point stronger over Sonichu, and Sonichu has stronger- has one defense stronger than Black Sonichu. "Well, they seem similar, but Black Sonichu has greater strength."

:"Yes! It looks like he's ready for the mission."

:"I agree!"

[''PSHH!''] Over lowvers- over the loudspeaker, "Attention Black Sonichu, please report to my office immediately, it's time for your mission," says Giovanni.

Then Black Sonichu thinks to himself, [''sigh''] I guess my training is complete. It's time to en- prepare to encounter my brother Sonichu.

To be continued in the next video!

==Episode 5==

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 5: Informal Meeting
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vWxJKqADPBM}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2009]]
| Episode = [[Episode 5|5]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Black Sonichu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 4|Episode 4]]
| next = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 6|Episode 6]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

====Episode 5: Sonichu in "The Informal Meeting"====

Our first page is, uh, basically a layout map of where everything is in relation at this point, until fur- until later notice and updates, where Kel's house is located next to CWCville, and Station Square where Sonic and friends reside, even Pallet Town which is located close to Giovanni's gym base, followed by the [[zapbud]] fields, but we zoom in back to Giovanni's base.

Naitsirhc Blake are, uh, talking, and he sa- and he t-says t-to Blake, look- looking at that same map, "I've sent my Zapdos to locate Sonichu and Rosechu. They are now located in the zapbud fields. They will have to return to Kel's house, here. Your mission is to intercept them, kidnap Rosechu, and bring her here. Sonichu will come for her, and when he does, we'll have a surprise for him. Hehahehaha!

Meanwhile, in the zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu are spen- are sharing a tender, loving moment.

:"Ah, this is nice. The zapbuds, the sky, the clouds, and you, Sonichu!"

:"Yes! I couldn't enjoy this without you- without you either, Rosey!"

:"Aww..." [''kissy sounds'']

As Rosechu kisses Sonichu, then she ki- then he kisses her back and then she says, "You're so sweet! You're s... so sweet..."

And he says, "I try!"

[''singing''] Da da da da da da da, her cellphone rings~ Da da da da da da da!

:"Excuse me! Hello? Oh, Kel? Uh? Okay, we'll be home soon, bye now! Mmm, that was Kel, it's almost dinner time!"

:"Oh. That's okay, I was feeling hungry anyway. Shall I escort you back to your chateau, my lady?"

:"Of course mys- of course you may, my sweetbolt!"

:"As you wish, my heartsweet!"

[''PSHH!''] So they make their dash. To the house.

Meanwhile at the intersection between the uh- where, uh- somewhere between Sonic's house and the sh- and, uh, Station Square, he's on his way home but he's thinkin' like you know, he's forget- he's at the moment of confused and forget which way to go, and he's like, oh, wait, no, I'm sorry, he says here, "Hmm, I don't want to go home yeeet; I think I'll go check out what's that way."

And then so- it's like- and then he's uppa- pretty much on the approach to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu as well, whiles- while Blake awaits in the bush.

:"Eh, these branches hurt! Well, Sonichu's in my sight. I also see something blue coming as well. What a mess this will make! AHHAHAHAHA. Jeez, this is intense! I need a countdown! Okay, 5,4,3,2, ah, screw it!"

[''PSHHW!''] He's- he's- he's- right by Sonichu and snags Rosechu offa- off of his arms.

:"Hehehehe!"

And she doesn't even know yet, she has her eyes closed to keep the dust out. And Sonic and Sonichu are about- are without- are without realizing it, they crash right int- without seeing each other they crash right into each other [''BOOM PFT PFT PFT!'']

:"Oww, that hurt!"

:"Mmmm, telling me! Uh...."

She made like a cat and kept her, uh, right arm over her eyes so that she made sure to keep the dust out.

:"Good thing I made like a cat to get that dust out of my eyes... Huh?" [''GASP'']

She looks up and notices that it's not Sonichu that's her carrier!

:"YOU'RE NOT MY SWEET BOLT SONICHU!"

:"No, I'm not! Eheheheheheha!"

:"Let me go, you creep!"

:"NO! HEHEHAHAHA! We're off to see my masters, Giovanni and Naitsirhc!"

:"SONICHU! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

Meanwhile, the two hedgehogs are still in a daze over the crash.

:"You should have watched where you were going!"

:"Speak for yourself! You could have easily seen a blue blur coming your way!"

[''together'']"Hey, wait a minute!"

Oop! And then they have an instant memory of where they seen each other back-a like-a back in- in Episode 1.

[''together'']"YOU'RE THAT HEDGEHOG!" they both say simultaneously. And then we have this-is dialogue, here.

:"You're the S- you're Sonic the Hedgehog, aren't you?"

:"Yeah! So what's your name?"

:"Sonichu! I was originally a Pikachu until I- until you ran into me with your- with your power!"

:"Oh yeah, I remember zooming into a poor thing, poor animal! I didn't think it was a Pokemon! I apologize!"

:"I accept your apology."

:"I was also powered up with the Seven Chaos Emeralds, their power must have caused your transformation!"

:"I see. [[Random Access Humor|It's funny how we into- ran into each other like this]]!"

:"Yeah."

:"I was on my way home with my hair- heartsweet Rosechu. Where is she? Aw, man!"

:"She's gone? She's gone missing? Wait, do you see those?"

And they look down and they notice footprints.

:"Yeah, footprints! Uhh! Ouch!"

He puts his finger on one and it's like- it really- it's hot.

:"Ow! They're on fire! Rosey was kidnapped!"

:"Well, let's follow them! I'll help you."

Sonichu, "Thank you! Let's go find Rosechu!"

:"Yeah!"

To be continued in the next episode.

Also this little portion of the page is dedicated to [[autism]] awareness where you can get more information on autism, which is NOT- which is NOTHING LIKE ASPERGER'S. [[Chris and reality|ASPERGER'S IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.]] Anyway- anyway, for information on autism, you go to austim.org. As I- as I am high functionally autistic myself, and ev- and I and myself and all of my Sonichu and Rosechu everybody, we are in full support of autism awareness and finding the cure. And then also the advertisement to the original Sonichu site, the address as it was back then, but at this time it is currently also known as [[CWCipedia]], which the address would be alongside this thing in the text with this video. Anyway, to be continued in the next video.

==Episode 6==

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 6: Black Metal Combat
| video = {{#ev:youtube|2UwsQuc-Cew}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2009]]
| Episode = [[Episode 6|6]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic]], [[Robotnik]], [[Amy Rose]], [[Metal Sonichu]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Black Sonichu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 5|Episode 5]]
| next = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 2|Sub-Episode 2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

The [[Speech Impediment|starling]] conclusion of this three-part episode:

====Episode 6: Black Meadow Combat.====

We're back at [[Giovanni]]'s base, where splack where [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] has sussessfully put [[Rosechu]] in their cell, and now they wait.

:"A- aa...darn it! These bars are rubber-coated! Oh when Sonichu gets here, he'll give you all a real shock!"

Hmm. ad then- oland then a little bit a distance away, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] is talking to [[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]].

:"So Robotnik, let's go over- once more. What'll happen when Sonichu comes to rescue his girlfriend? Heheheh."

:"All right, Naitsirhc. Hahahahah. Well first, Black Sonichu will issue a challenge with Sonichu. Then during the battle, Blachu will lead Sonichu towards the X on the f- the X on the floor. Then I'll press this button which'll launch down- launch the dome, and trap him in, and then I'll activate the [[Stress|energy drain]], which will reduce Sonichu to a [[Power|weakling]] in mere seconds. After that, [[Sex#Chris_and_rape|you and your friend can do whatever you want to him]]. Recharge him, mi- mind control, [[Julie|string him along]], heheh. Why should I care? Because [''begin musical number''] IIIIIIIIIIIIII'm Robotnik, Robotnik, I'm a mad genius! Robotnik, Robotnik, I creayse chaos with my machiiiiiiiines! I'm the dorkest evil, and I mean I have a monkey and and a meeeean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait, the monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot with a process I call Robotization!"

[''faking mirth for the first time''] Hahahahaha! Oh, com-director commentary! Oh, that is so lame! I idolize Sonic, I hate Eggman! [''continues laughing''], Oh I'm sorry, but that has to be [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|the stupidest drawn thing]] I've drawn in my life! [''laughs more'']

[''serious business''] Continue on with the story.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and [[Sonic The Hedgehog|Sonic]] are closing in on Giovanni's base.

:"Rosey! I'm COMING!"

:"We must be close, I see a building ahead."

[''PSSS''] And they stop right in front of it.

:"Sonichu, stop!"

:"What's up, Sonic"

:"I'm smell [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|trouble]]."

He bends down and picks up the thing on the ground. It's a medal with Eggman's face on it.

:"This da face of my nemesis, Dr. Eggman Robotnik. Hm. You lead on, Sonichu. I'll back you up if there's a trap."

:"Okay."

And so they enter. "Naitsirhc! Release Rosey now!" Sonichu a-says, as the-ed-edder enters.

:"I knew you'd come for me, Sweet-boat."

Hm. [''pause''] Is that his? And then [''wrong''] Sonichu thinks, "I know Eggman will have a grand trap in store. I'll get Sonichu out if needed. Oh is that his Rosechu? She looks lock-a-light [[Amy Rose|Amy]]. Boy if those two [[Homos|mate]]- if those two girls MEET, that is huh."

And Naitsirhc says, "Ah, Sonichu. How good it is to see that you- how good it is to see you again. Allow me introduced my father, Giovanni, and our 'sociate Dr. Robotnik."

:[''together''] "Hello! HAHAHAHA!"

:"I am pleased to say that we do have your [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] captive in our facilities. But t-to my dismay, it was not I who kidnapped your girlfriend, but allow me to present the true culprit and your clone."

:"My clone?"

:"[[Niggos|BLACK]] SONICHU."

:"Just call me Blachu. AND NOW WE MUST [[Soul Calibur|FIGHT!]]" [''PSSH''] "Mach Punch."

:"Oh, sneak attack, huh? Here's my counter, Spin Dash! [''PSSH'']

:"Uhh... Er not bad. Now's time for me to dish it out. Thunderbolt!" [''PFF''] Misses Sonichu. "Heheheheh."

:"Megaaaa-kick!" Hits Black Sonichu on the head! "Eh-heh! Getting tired Blachu? I'm just getting warned up."

:"Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-HO! He's standing on the X." [''BOOP! PSHH!''] "I wouldn't waste my energy, Sonichu. [''PLINGPINGPING''] "That's tempered glass. You won't be able to shatter it or sonic- or shock it. Heheheh."

:"Sonichu, no!"

:"Why you! When I get outta here, I'll..."

:"And now, I'll press the button that'll sap your strength and energy."

:"Not if I have a say in it, Robotnik!"

:"Wha?"

[''WH-PEW!''] Breaks the remote control. Sonic does.

:"[[Excel-Saga|NOOOOOO!]] What? You?"

:"Hehehe. [[Bugs_Bunny#Bugs_Bunny|Ehh, you expecting maybe Bugs Bunny?]] Hehehe. Let Sonichu and Rosechu go, and I may go easy on you, Eggman."

:"That's Dr. Robotnik to you, Ssonic the Hedgehog! Hah. I had something else planned for that Pokémon's escape. Heh. Now I'll send it against you, pesky hedgehog, haha. Go, my [[Metal Sonichu]]!"

[''singing ominously'']

And then emerges the Metal Sonichu, then Sonichu con-lookt-come-up-com-commentates, "Hey, he dudn't look a thing like me!"

"Boy, Eggman, Sonic says. "You sure [[Chris and art|lack imagination]]. Compared to Metal Sonic."

:"Metal Sonichu, ATTACK!"

Shoots thunderboats! [''PSHPSHPSHPSH!''] Sonic dashes and he misses.

:"Hah! Mmm... Heh." [''PSHH''] "Heh. C'mon, is that the best you got?"

And then they're chasing each other, Metal Sonichu is chasing Sonic all over the creation. Sonichu's b-and then Sonichu tries to go attack it but then he spin dashes away. And then hen-and-then heads toward the uh dome. Warning Sonichu first to stay out of the way, and he says, "Come and get it. Come and get me. Met-A-Mon."

Sonichu says Soni-me sangs Sonic. And then Metal Sonichu [''PSHHW!''] crashes right through the dome. And then Sonichu gets out and he sa- and he tells Sonic, "Sonic, spin dash towards me between my hands!"

He's gathering up an energy ball of lightning between his hands. So Son- so [[Gay 4 Sonichu|Sonic spindashes into between Sonichu's hands as Sonichu holds them like a ball]] and then he initiates a lock-on with the ready, aim, and then he fires a Zap Cannon attack using Sonic as the ball. And then Sonichu dashes towards Rosechu hesaidhesay, "Gotta save Rosey."

And as Sonic real- and as Sonic'll-uh-go-uh-launches flyings towards Metal Sonichu so- Metal Sonichu realizes he can't do much so he goes to a Defense Curl and then Sonic collides with the Metal Sonichu, goes around the building, flow- goes ri-up to a cliff and he lauches up the ki-lips-it off the cliff like a Spin Dash and he d-he flies up [[Tobacky|TO THE MOON]]!

Meanwhile, back at the lab...

:"S-Rosey, stay back!"

[''ZRPP-PSH''] Cuts the bars.

:"I'm free! Thank you Sweet-Bolt."

Yay.

And then our three main villains here are sh-in shock, and in awe. They're speechless, and then Sonic says, "Well, Eggman, it looks like you are licked again. And shocked too."

:"Heh. Y'all should've learned never to mess with true l-with [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|true Poké-love]]. Rosey? Let's bolt."

:"Oh. Just a moment. Oh, Black Sonichu?"

And he's in a daze after the battle, he's tired, he's like, "Mmm?"

And then she says, "THIS IS FOR KIDNAPPING ME!"

And she just lands the punch around day-or-ponch on his face and knocks a couple of his [[Fangs|teeth]] out. Then meanwhile on the moon, we see an open crater with dats been cr-made. And there are couple a EYES lighting out of it. S-Metal Sonichu may make a comeback later. DUN DUN DUUUUN!

An' then a couple a days later, at the [[CWCville Shopping Center|CWCville Mall]] at the edge of [[CWCville]], [[Women's rights|Amy and Rosey are shopping]], and they're about to meet each other. They dote have at meet each other yet.

:"Sonic's gonna really notice me in this new outfit!"

:"Sonichu will want to snuggle me after watching this DVD. Heh."

:"One day Sonic and I'll be [[Wedding Comic|married]]!"

:"Oh it's so cool that [[Homos|he enjoys romantic comedies too]]. Heh."

And then, [''together''] "Eh? Oh."

W- an' then they're thinkin', "Wow. That girl looks like me. Cute outfit, though. Heh." And then Rosechu and Amy go into their conversation.

And Rosey says, "Oh, I love your outfit!"

:"Oh, thank you, heheh. Heh. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I'm Amy Rose."

:"I'm Rosechu, but you may call me Rosey."

:"You shoppin' for anybody?"

:"Just pick up a romantic comedy for me and my sweet-bolt Sonichu. [''sing-song''] He loves meeeee~"

:"Oh, me too! I bought a a new outfit f-to wear for my Sonic. It's so hard for him to etspress his feelings, but I can tell that he ilestly-s-s-has some for me."

:"Oh my sweet-boat treats me... so right. He knows the right things to say and he toad-ly respects me. We spend a lotta time together."

:[''gratingly shrill''] "NO WAAAAY! I can't even get Sonic to stand still! You are SO LUCKY!"

And then yudda-budda-yubba-yubba-yub [''PSSH!''] I come in and I say, "Oh, pardon me. But they going to girl talk for a w-couple hours and I'd like to save time... [[Random-access humor|AND MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING OVER TO GET-CO!]] HAHAHAHA!"

End of the episode. Stay tuned for da s-nest sub-episode.

==Sub-Episode 2==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Sub-Episode 2: The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4BMLRtFeBzQ}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2009]]
| Episode = [[Sub-Episode 2|Sub-2]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Rosechu]], [[Cartoon CWC]] and [[Fandanna]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 5|Episode 6]]
| next = [[Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode 7|Episode 7]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Move on to the [[Sub-Episode 2]], I just would like to, uh, state a couple of things of fact from Book Number One. Yeah, the uh, [[Sonichu 0|first episode]] happened around [[Station Square]], and then the beach around [[Kel]]'s house, respectively. And then the all this in the [[Episode 2]] is like the scenario was around Kel's house and the river that flowed from there. And, uh, then back in the- and then back in the- and then in [[Episode 3]] mostly happened arou- it mostly happened in [[CWCville Shopping Center|CWCville Shopping Mall]], all the battle and everything. And uh you know, just like, you know, the rest of the scenario, like you know, but for what happened started off from Kel's house and then ended up over at the CWCville Shopping Center. So let's just update, you know, just try to make it update an [[Audiobooks|audiobook]], anyway. Anyway.

And also, [[Sub-Episode 1]] was based over in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Shopping Center]] of [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville, Virginia]]. Although I guess that's uh... nah never mind, I said it. I don't care. Let 'em come after me, especially since I'M BEING A BIG BAD IDIOT. I'M THAT [[Niggos|BLACK]] [[Jerkhief|JERKHIEF]] WHO WORKS OVER THERE. DURR DURR DURR.

Anyway.

====Sub-Episode 2====

Starring myself again.

'''The Rise and Fall of My Heart.'''

It's based on [[Hanna|real life]], actually happened March 29th, [[2005]]. So I'm waiting [[Attraction Location|in my usual place]] hoping to hope waiting for a girl to approach me. And then I'm thinkin' again. Eh, also like you know my [[Heart level|heart]] was also, uh, shattered like a couple of y-l- shattered like a couple of years back by, uh, Sl-Slawee by uh Sl- quote-unquote [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Ryam]]. Anyway. At this point, [[2003|it's been almost a year and eight months now]] since I've started my [[Love quest|Sweetheart Search]]. I'll try attract after eat my, uh, [[Obesity|eight chicken nuggets]] since I had a [[Chris and money|coupon]]. Maybe I'll [[Chris and sex|get lucky]] today!

And then all of a sudden this girl comes up, she's es-uh-es... "[[Speech Impediment|Escuse]] me, but..."

:"[[Slow in the minds|Huh]]?"

:"I heard that you were looking for a sw-[[sweetheart]], right?"

I said, "Uhhhhh uh yes! I happen to need uh a girlfriend. So uh what's your name?"

:"My name is [[Hanna|Fandanna]]."

:"I'm Christian, but you may call me Chris."

:"So I was wondering if you wanna have a coffee at the uh, shop with me. That's nearby."

:"Uh. Okay sure."

Then she walks off and I'm a show like you know oh my god I was eating- I was eating my lunch and then uh, suddenly this happened? Eh, oh, by the way... Eh. So it's like, you know, I'm meetin' her in fifteen minutes it's like [''crescendo''] ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! YES! YES! MY SWEETHEART SEARCH IS FINALLY OVER! [''singing''] DAAAOOOH THIS IS HEAVEN! Heaven! Oh look there's a little [[Chris and religion|St. Peter.]] Heheheheh. Yay!

So moments later I'm at the nearby coffee shop, and I'm s-waiting for her to, uh, meet me here and s-like, "Oh this is fantastic! A girl has finally noticed me! And we're about to drink together and talk? OH I'M SO ELATED!"

Oh and [[Rosechu]] comes in, she's like, "Oh I'm excited too, you know, you finally... did this and it's all going well for you?"

:"Heh, oh yes Rosechu. I am also glad that all my [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|hedgehogs]] are cheering me on, too. Hey listen, why don't you go spread [[Da update|the word]] throughout [[CWCville]]? Hm. She'll be here- she'll be here soon."

:"Okay pop, I'll check in later. [''BOODOOP-BOOP-BOODOOP-BOOP-BLOONG''] Hm. [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]]? Yeah, this is Rosey. Uh, you are not going to buh-leeeeevethis!" As she walks off talking to her on the phone.

And then a few minutes later, eh so Fandanna's sitting in front of me, she says like, "So. How are you?"

:"Oh, I'm okay. Uh, so what are [[trolling|your hobbies]]?"

:"Oh well I enjoy playing my [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]], and reading Chuck Paladuck."

:"Oh, I bet that uh you play very great numbers."

:"Oh I've only practiced a couple of yeeeeears. But I may play for you sometime if you like."

:"Oh yeah sure. That would be great. [''wrong voice''] Also please tell me abou-oh wait no."

:"Also please tell me about ye-about your necklace. Is it..."

:"Oh yes my [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]! This is the place of my electric hedgehog Pokemon. Let me show you my uh [[Scrapbook of Fail|Sonichu book]]."

...that I had on me that day for real. So I showed her a few pages. So after I left, I gave uh Fandanna uh I look backed at her I gave her a DOUBLE-TAKE FLIRT. Which I learned that uh, recently. And then I call my family and I retire to the spot by the tree in front of the uh [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Sun-Par]]. I started thinking in mind about steps for future dates and checked with my S-[[Nintendo]] DS game [[Sprung|"Sprung"]] for uh more tips.

And uh, now we look in on Rosechu passing by the uh coffee shop talkin' to [[Wild Sonichu]] on her tele- on her cell phone. He say, "Oh yeah, Wild, her name is Fandanna. Yeah. You'd fall for her too if you were human. Oh, hang on, I hear some gossip." So she overhears. As I.

:[''employees''] "Fandanna, do I hear [[Wedding Comic|wedding]] bells? Or, do you think he's dreamy?"

:"Oh, well, I'll tell ya I never meant anything. I was [[Mass debating|yankin' his chain]]. It was my boss's idea. Heh!"

:[''gasp!''] "Oh my god, wow. Wow, d-I have to call you back," Rosechu says. "Oh poor Chris. I have to tell him. He'll be [[Virgin with rage|upset]]. But s-it's the right thing to do."

Meanwhile, I'm playing "Sprung" and sounds like you know I'm reading along he's like, [''pensively''] "So do angels have names... hmm... that sounds about right." Rosechu approaches me.

:"Uhhhhh, Chris?"

:"Yes. Rosey, what's up?"

Looking very concerned and deep in thought, she says, "I'm sorry, but I have sumpin very important to tell you. I overheard Fandanna talking to her fellow employees? She said that she was playing you for a [[Naive|SAP]]. She's not really intrist into you."

:[''gasp!''] "I'M IN SHOCK. NO, IT CANNOT BE TRUE."

:"I'm afraid it is."

[''ERRRG EGRRRRGRGRGRGR!''] Well, fine I'll go ask her myself. Rosechu, please watch my things and keep my spot warm."

My usual spot I wait at, that is, at the mall.

So then a moment later I catch her attention and I say, "Fandanna?"

:"Uhhhh yeah?"

:"Listen. I just heard from a friend that you were yanking my- that you were pranking me and yanking my chain. [''Dramatic''] Please...say it isn't so!"

:"Oh, I'm afraid it is. It's true. My friends wanted me to play around with you I thought it would be [[Random-access humor|funny]]."

:"OH COME ON! YOU DIDN'T FIND ME A BIT INTERESTING? Didn't you care a bit about me? Didn't our mini-date mean anything to you? Didn't you want to see to- see me most often?"

:"[[Truth|No]]".

[''PSH! gasp!''] My heart's been shattered again! [[Excel Saga|NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]

[''decrescendo... then crescendo''] I'm cryin' wuh- tear we're falling tears it hurts so much it hurts so gawd dang much. But, uh, earlier during that mini-date, which [[List of Chris's lies|I'm not even counting that as a date]]- I never I'm not counting that as a date. I've never counted it as a date after it ended.

Anyway, I had her e-mail address, so I sent her an e-mail reply saying:

:Fandanna? I just wanted to say that I appreciate you being the first to approach and say anything to me. I get very [[Stress|nervous]] and I was hoping for that to happen. Also, I preeshu you taking the time to chat with me at the shop, and I was very elated an' at-cited an' [[CWC-isms|butterfly-heartful]] for the positive events. [''scolding''] But it was not very nice of you to have led me on like that! Just to pull a prank on me! I was terribly HURT! Before you stepped in my world, my heart was previously shattered due to previous events and it was 20 percent repaired. After you came in, my heart had a miraculous speedy recovery to a hundred percent! Then after I had learned from you that it was a lie my heart was shattered back ta 15 PERCENT! There is a lesson to learn to this. NEVER MAKE A JOKE OR PRANK AT THE EXPENSE OF ANOTHER PURSE'S FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS![''politely''] Still, after cooling off, I also want to say that I thought that you, Fandanna, looked very [[So Need a Cute Girl|pretty]], [[China|I enjoyed your charming wit and personality]], and I thought you had some nice and lovely girl. If you should ever change your mind on how you feel about me, you may look me up. But please tell me two things in your reply. [[Tobacky|You don't smoke do you]]? That st- that stuff really turns me off. And, you don't [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|already have a boyfriend]] do you?

:Sincerely, Christian Weston Chandler.

:P.S. You may take this as a clue, but KEEP IN MIND that I DAAAAYD graduate from [[Manchester High School|high school]] with [[honor roll]], I did make good grades at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. You may wanna look up- you may wanna look it up in the search."

I forget what I h-had written there. I just crunch-crossed it out. Hmm. Anyway. Stay tuned for the [[Sonichu 2|next book]]! Have a good day.

{{Videobooks}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-11]]

Father Call

2014-12-02T14:38:12Z

FishDicks: /* Summary */

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

On the fourth of [[November 2009|November, 2009]], [[Christian Weston Chandler|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''[[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]]''' (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is apparently a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], inability to grow up, [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[Obesity|being overweight]], and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''Portal'' is occasionally heard in the background.
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious sounding claims about his weight-lifting prowess. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to her father, Matthew.
* Matthew is fairly civil toward Chris to begin with, though it's immediately obvious that Matthew doesn't have much respect for him. Matthew begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a Pokemon Gym Leader seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding [[monthly tugboat]]. Matthew asks if any hypothetical children of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic (or "'tard babies" to use Matthew's phrasing), and while Chris denies that they would be, Matthew checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris [[lie]]s during the call, and while Matthew goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous when Chris does it again.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named Crystal. Not only does Matthew consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and thinks it's more appropriate for a stripper.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, Chris is questioned on why [[Liquid Chris]] (who Matthew will sing the praises of many times during the call) was impersonating him. Solid Chris's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with [[Sonichu]]. Matthew is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on Sonichu, before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matthew brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers|Chris's little 9/11 video]], and says that he found it especially offensive, since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center that day. Chris's only response is to say the video was really [[Clyde Cash]]'s fault, because he was being mean to Chris.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matthew tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, including having to pull up weeds, mow the lawn, move furniture, and bury his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matthew is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother.
* Chris doesn't let the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working discourage him, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matthew, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he won't come to D.C. to meet Kacey.
* Matthew accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of [[Chris's room]] (as seen in [[Tour of Chris's House|the tour]] of [[14 Branchland Court]]) as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, causing Matthew to sarcastically comment on his lack of maturity, only for Chris to [[autism|miss the sarcasm]] and think Matthew is actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, Chris tries to compare the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matthew spent carrying his dead colleague back to base. Matthew is ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matthew to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''... and then starts describing the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a vaguely correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story.
* Matthew says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat, and Chris ''completely'' misses the point and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his monthly tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matthew points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matthew off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be eighty-four per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by this, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matthew points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots don't make videos mocking 9/11.
* Matthew decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11. Matthew tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of the word "naive" and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his Elementary School principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matthew brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriately "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" to be a cast-iron rule, rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly attempts to end the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit; Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|8-tcXYT8zqg}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

===Matthew makes the scene===

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, fifty-pound weights...not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s- good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good, good... So, uh... So, I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an- with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see... You got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w- yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for, like, uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]... I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off, I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at...''Target''... I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean...surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27...sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm...yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know... but I mean, if I- if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh... I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for three years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had- I did- I have done volunteer work... Uh...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the- I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens' Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading [[Card games|Card Game]] league a few years back...

'''Matthew:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Matthew:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And- um- that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. So about ten years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for ten years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah, but also, like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting... but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? And, I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have- I have been- I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that, I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right... Well, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pok-e-man'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for a while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though... I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my- of the house.

'''Matthew:''' ...With her help?

'''Chris:''' ...And get a place of my own...

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know...um... Some details I'm not understand... I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Matthew:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know...I keep between myself...

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, if you can't s-s- If you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the 'Tard-baby===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh...

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um...

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar... I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go... What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see... If you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' ''[extremely uncomfortable laughter]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Matthew:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Matthew:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Matthew:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and [[chores]]===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Matthew:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I... [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' '[Chris responds snidely]' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]... That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...

===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Matthew:'''/font> Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''3FF">'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Matthew:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah... Let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like...a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly...as a friend...a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... Points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I...am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic... If you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't...do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...[[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'... You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I... it was not a retard! No... It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perf/font> [''chuckles'']

/font> Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

ume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''Cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[stress|STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Matthew:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*[[Niggo|Niggo-rigged]] audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

ShowerClean

2014-12-01T14:36:51Z

FishDicks: /* Transcript */

The '''ShowerClean''' videos are two short videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In the first video, Chris points out an area on his extremely dirty, stained shower wall that he's going to clean. In the second video, he shows us the finished result. Chris then hints that he can achieve this same cleaning result on the rest of the shower, but then hesitates to explain when exactly he intends to do that, which would suggest he didn't clean any more of the shower later.

It would be [[Tour_of_Chris's_House_II|confirmed]] that Chris never cleaned his shower again after this video - ''three years later''.

==ShowerClean1==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ShowerClean1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4V41e8OB6G4}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{Other|Grey T-Shirt}}
| previous = [[Don'tPintheOop]]
| next = [[#ShowerClean2|ShowerClean2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[Chris focuses on a group of tiles with moldy grout, freshly sprayed with a cleaner.]''

Focusing on this one stain, right here, in the shower wall, for now.

''[Chris moves the camera to focus on his face and the cleaner.]''

With this Shower Shine[[copyright|™]]…

''[Chris picks up a roll of paper towels.]''

…these paper towels… I'm gonna get that spot out.

At least make it look better.

==ShowerClean2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ShowerClean2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rnkjIv0Yzr8}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{Other|Grey T-Shirt}}
| previous = [[#ShowerClean1|ShowerClean1]]
| next = [[SpaghettiRoutine]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[Chris focuses on his face.]''

All right.

''[Chris moves the camera onto the same set of tiles, slightly cleaner but still full of grimy grout.]''

Here we are. Take a look at that, huh? Stain is gone. Big stain is gone. And give me more time, I can have the rest of it down— the rest of that mess off, too. But for this— for this video footage, I'll just concentrate on the one spot for now.

''[Chris moves the camera back onto his face.]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Don'tPintheOop]]|nextlink=[[SpaghettiRoutine]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-30 b]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-30 b]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-30 b]]

2014

2014-11-17T13:45:35Z

FishDicks:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Chris-chan 010714.JPG|thumb|Chris in [[July 2014]].]]
'''2014''' is the sixth year of organized trolling since Chris's discovery. Like [[2011|the]] [[2012|three]] [[2013|years]] before it, it appeared as if it would have started off with nothing of note ''(save for the occasional rant by Chris on his [[Facebook]] account)''...until it was revealed on the 11th that the Chandler household caught fire. Similar to incidents involving his [[28 October 2011|past arrest]] and the passing of [[Bob Chandler]], this was a major dilemma facing his family, and it's left to be seen if this incident would convince Chris to turn his life around. Unfortunately, given his track record, it seems very unlikely.

Following the fire, Chris began to sell some of his stuff for money, such as his [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing‎]].
Though many problems have more or less sorted themselves out in the past year, this year does continue the fallout from 2013. In August, Chris came out as a "Lesbian-Identified Male", and also revealed he found himself [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|a new girlfriend]].

==January==
[[File:IMG 0532 zps78876bfb.jpg|thumb|240px|[[14 Branchland Court]], 1-2 days after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|destruction]].]]
{{main|January 2014}}
This month began with little note, until [[Destruction Of Chris's House‎|Chris's house caught fire]]. The rest of the month was mostly spent on recovering.

==February==
{{main|February 2014}}
Chris turns 32. Two videos are leaked: [[Hello, my sweety baby]] and [[Message for John Kyle]].

==March==
{{main|March 2014}}
Some [[Misc E-mails|e-mails]] were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]], one of them provides interesting info about Chris's days at [[Manchester High School]], involving him getting bullied on a daily basis. Chris was also rumoured to be shoplifting at Best Buy, with Chris posted two Facebook posts about this rumour.

==April==
{{main|April 2014}}
[[File:April 2014 Target sighting.jpg|thumb|April sighting in Target.]]
Pictures of Chris's house and info about the [[Rental House]] are leaked. Chris is spotted at a local [[Target]] by a reddit user.

==May==
{{main|May 2014}}

Chris lists some old airplane models and a violin on [[eBay]]. He begs for [[Lego]] on Facebook, and confirms that [[Simonla_Rosechu#Resurrection|Simonla has been resurrected]].

==June==
[[File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|left|thumb|Chris in June 2014.]]

{{main|June 2014}}
This month has seen Chris trying to sell a painting on eBay. Only to get suspended twice.

==July==
[[File:Okcupid 8 jul 2014 6.jpg|thumb|180px|Chris in July.]]
{{main|July 2014}}
Chris sells [[autographed photos]] of himself on eBay. Also, his latest [[OkCupid]] profile was found by [[CWCki Forums|Forums]] user.

11 July was last day of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s two-year-long probation, her sentence from the trial for the events of [[28 October 2011]].

==August==
[[File:Chris 15 Aug 2014 changed profile pic.jpg|thumb|left|180px|"Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny" in August.]]
{{main|August 2014}}
Chris comes out as "Lesbian Identified Male" and self described "Intersex" "Cross-Dressing Tranny." He also expresses solidarity with the movement for LGBT equality, although begrudgingly supporting [[Homos|gay males]]. He also reveals he has a new girlfriend.

==September==
{{unfinished}}
[[File:Chris chan sep14.jpg|thumb|180px|Chris in September.]]
{{main|September 2014}}

Chris sells tons of stuff on eBay, and obtains materials to make more [[medallion]]s and mass-produces them.

==October==
{{main|October 2014}}
[[File:Chrischan_oct14.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in October.]]
This month is notable in that it marked a significant resurgence in video-making, as well as more possibilities about his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|anonymous galpal]], his growing support for LGBT activism, and his ongoing hatred for eBay (especially after the [[To Mr. Smith|Mr. Smith fiasco]]) and ''Sonic Boom''.

==November==
{{main|November 2014}}
The month started off with more of Chris's rants about the upcoming ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] Boom'' game.

==December==
{{main|December 2014}}
*25 December - [[Christmas]]
== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

For Chris

2014-10-23T12:38:24Z

FishDicks: /* The Lies of Solid Chris */

"'''For Chris'''" (officially "'''10222009'''") is a video where evil impostor [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] tries to compare himself with the TRUE and ORIGINAL Chris, [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. It can be seen that he's attempting to try to win over [[Kacey]]'s heart. AGAIN.

IBA spends much of this video claiming he possesses many positive personal qualities, all of which are outrageous [[lie]]s. At various points he calls himself honest, caring, helpful, [[Chris and fashion|good-looking]], [[Chris and Anger|patient]], [[Gal pals|popular]], [[Chris and death|"empathetic/sympathetic"]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|intelligent]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|good at making decisions]], and [[Wendy's|reliable]]. He also states that he can control his [[Chris and anger|temper]]. For every character flaw or shortcoming Ian has, he believes the [[Chris and reality|opposite]] to be true. However, he claims to like making people laugh, so this is arguably the first recorded evidence of him succeeding in one of his goals.

As with his [[Brutal Legend Plus|last video]], the [[PSEye|audio]] still sucks balls, and the constant skipping makes him sound like Max Headroom. The video was uploaded on 22 [[October 2009]].

This video also has the first and last mention of a "relationship management" class. Sources say that the teacher of this class can't stand Chris, and is constantly trying to redirect him to "special" classes. He also takes these classes alone, which is useless in itself.

==Liquid's video==

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IN2xB0WSLRk}}
| stardate = 21 [[October 2009]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject = {{Sex|Kacey}}
| previous = [[15 October 2009]]
| next = [[SHE IS MINE NOW|BACK THE FUCK OFF OF KACEY, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Positioning camera''] Mmm. Okay. Alright. Yeah. So, I am still not your friend, Mr. Impostor, Mister [[Chris|Ian Brandon Anderson]] himself! You know who you are. How- I- how could I be friends with such a ''stupid'' jerk who is ''always'' trying to take over my [[Sonichu]] franchise! You're the Dr. Egg-man! You're the Dr. Robotnik. Come up with a- with the new plans.. Steal my original characters. [''exhales'']

Yeah. You know, you are so lucky, because when I was gone, [[Kacey]] started falling in love with you. And- but in ten seconds of Sonic running speed, you have dispelled her and I have picked her up in my- in my loving arms again, and I have picked her up. And you know what else, she would have... Mm. She would've a f-... Mm. She would have fallen in love with you i- [''sighs''], except for a good thing that you never even cared about her. Ah. I- I am- yeah, I am telling you this, and making this video here, to tell you: ''You lost out, man!'' Kinda like how [[Wikipedia:Jack Shephard|Jack Shephard]] got lots- uh [[Wikipedia:Lost (TV series)|lost]] in the jungle... and saw a monster. Or [[Wikipedia:John Locke (Lost)|John Locke]] got lost in the woods and killed a bunch of boars... ''one by one''. [''in a TV announcer voice'']"''LOST''! Only on ABC! Only"- yeah. Hm.

But yeah, aside from you being a no-good, crappy impostor, I guess maybe that you- I do have something to thank you for. Thanks for keeping Kacey all warm and fired-up for me! Now I will get all the [[Fuck Quest|real action]], ''bay-bee''! You- she knows how- we're gonna see how she knows- that I like- I'm gonna drive her home at night. Hm. Yeah, and this is- this is not limited to making out, kisses and, and boobies, which are so- which- her boobies are so beaut- beautiful and large, and ''laaarge'', even for my God-given daughter, [[Crystal]], might I mention that soon-to-be God-given daughter Crystal.. Though, err, it has yet to happen. And another thing, [''exhales audibly''] we are going to swim through a [[RomanticLabyrinth|watery maze]] and make passionate love to each other and it's going to be awesome. [''exhales audibly''] So you leave her to me, you hear? ''Ha! Ha! Ha!'' And don't worry, Ian Brandon Anderson, I am sure you will find yourself a nice ''girlfriend-free boy'' to have as a sweetheart someday, you [[Homos|homo]]! Mm. [''exhales''] Yeah, only none other than a homosexual wou- who is going to hell would not fight to get a girl like Kacey. In fact, I think- I think you are so gay for resisting her obvious advances. [[Axe|Stay off of my Axe!]]... it's not for the homos. But, uhh, yeah, she is all mine now. Don't like that? Tough cookies.

In fact, I have a challenge for you. You wanna save your reputation? Duuuude? Ian Brandon Aaandersson? Duuuude? I- I dare you- I dare '''you''', and I will be waiting, I dare you to make a video about why you are better for Kacey... than me, or else... or else you w- or else you will have admitted that you have never cared for her in the first place, and ''everyone'' on the internet will see that you are a [[jerk]] and a schmuck, [''vibrating noise''] and they will see that I- I was always the- they will see that I was always the [[Honest Content|true and original]] CWC. I was... yeah.

And to all you [''exhales''] and to all you who have placed bids on my- on my custom-painted, uhh, meat-wad, shred-wad, rock-panned Rockband [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] on [[eBay]], it has been sold- it has now been sold, and I have the money from your sale right here. [''produces a wad of folded $20 bills'']

To the rest of you, who are good and true, peace.

And have a good day.

==IBA's video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = For Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7F6Vksyr0iI}}
| stardate = 22 [[October 2009]]
| maker = [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Brutal Legend Plus]]
| next = [[I Love You Kacey]]
}}
{{quote|Aggressive! Argumentative! Rude! Unfeeling! Uncaring! Selfish! A LIAR! You are a liar! And, you're immature.|Chris describing Chris}}

=== Transcript ===

Aah. Okay Mr. [[Christian]], let's uh, deliberate.

Okay, well, firstly, [[Honest Content|I am honest]]. You certainly have not been honest, you know. I've got longer history. I've been on the internet since [[2000]]. TWO thousand! You've been online for only what, six months now? Six months! I got a lot more history than you do, and everybody can verify that I am the real creator, so there. [[Chris and Anger|I am kind, I am good-hearted]], and you've shown yourself to be not so kind. Ar- you may be- care. [''Damaged camera skips at this point''] [[DJ Jamsta|Like, you know.]] Yeah sure, like you did listen to your video, yeah. I'm like you know, yeah. I'm not going forward with Kacey in a romantic way but she had feelings for you, and I respected that as such. Mmph. And like seriously, if she wanted to, I would have gladly, I would have gladly gone further with that, but she, she did not want that and I respected her wish of that. Cause I CARE about her. [[PandaHalo|I am CARING]]. And obviously you haven't, because you know what because she made you promise to stop your game and make no more videos, but yet you go and make this one! You broke your promise! I would not break my promise, like you know, for annuther [[gal-pal]] of mine, like you know, especially this girl with me being [[Megan|trustworthy, and loyal]], because I just went on a goose chase, because [''video skips''] another gal pal of mine, she was pretty much lonely at the time and you know, I thought she called me like you know, and wanted me to hang with her for awhile. And so I killed about killed about twenty miles round trip for gas to go find her house. But it turns out that was a [[BlueSpike|troll posing as that girl]]. [''[[sigh]]s''] [[Autism|THE VOICES SOUNDED NEARLY SAME]].

And plus I was under str- starting work against in response to your video for your girlfriend who is a gal- who is a good gal-pal [''video skips''] who is a true good gal-pal of mine. That I honestly care about, just like the other gal-pal I would have finally. [audio skips] Thought I was actually doing for her but it turn out to be troll. [''sighs''] But anyway. Going over that. I am intelligent. [[trolls|I can be fun.]] I'm fairly good-looking, with or without the [[glasses]]. But I need these glasses because I'm nearsighted. [''video skips''] ...working out. I dunno what your vision problem is. Whatever, to each his own. Or her own. And.

Myeah. I'm thoughtful. I was thinking deliberately about what to say in this video in response for... [''pauses awkwardly for about four seconds''] I may as well say her name for [[Kacey]]. For Kacey. Because I cared. She asked me to, and I am doing it. Alright? I'm helpful whenever I can, y'know? Whenever I can help I help to the best of my ability, and when I can't help, I admit that, but I try my best to see if I can find proper help. And I am generous, because I give myself to my [[Trolls|friends]] whenever necessary, I can be cheerful, [[Stress|easygoing]], I am a [[Vivian Gee E-mails|good listener]], because otherwise I wouldn't have understood that part of the video. In the beginning. I had to read it again. You know? You said that, like you know, in the beginning of the video, you said, that you, that they called me pretty much a sap for lettin' er, lettin' her like lettin' her go, so she can go back to you and you know what?

Yeah. And you know what? You're lucky because you've got her. You shouldn't betray her prop- you shouldn't betray her by breaking her promise. And I am [[Autism|empathetic slash sympathetic]] I actually experienced that similar situation before I can't think about that, otherwise I'm symapathetic. [''sighs''] And I'm interesting, I got broad of emotions and everything, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm patient]], I'm upfront, upfront and clear, when I have my mind set to it, and I'm [[Virgin with rage|fairly popular]]. [''sighs''] And here's an adjective for you, because you are, because you pretty much yourself to be these things. [[Chris and Anger|Aggressive]]! [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Argumentative]]! [[IRC (20 January 2009)|Rude]]! [[Chris and death|Unfeeling! Uncaring]]! [[Chris and money|Selfish]]! [[Kacey Phone Call|A LIAR]]! You are a liar! And, you're [[The High School Story|immature]]. And you sound like you can be an [[PSEye|abusive]] type. You already left the girl for over a month! In an attempt to try to frame me. [''sighs''] And I remember these adjectives, you know why? Because I been takin' a relationship management class! So I'm able to hold my lil' notes so I, so I can better make, sort out, sort out the list, so I can make this video. Or, and in response to you.

Oh, I'll just go ahead and say this. A few qualities I am, like you know, I-I find it [[JERKS|fairly easy]] to make friends when I set my mind to it, I'm not shy, I am fairly good at talking to people, I very much know what to say to much people, I like [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|making people laugh.]] Seriously. [''Does [[Donald Duck impersonation]]''] WHAT'S HAPPENING TRUE FUN I'M TALKIN' LIKE A [[duck|DUCK]]. I am a good listener, sometimes I stay out of conflict, because I'm not sure how to deal with it but when I have to I will. Hmm. I am trustworthy and reliable. I'm [[CWCFlyingElephants|good at making decisions]], and with the conflict I can get angry. I try to control my temper. I [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|control my temper]]. I have a good... I am not lonely, I have a good number of [[Trolls|friends]], I can [[Attraction sign|chat someone up]] again, when I actually have the [[Chris and sex|topics in my mind]] set up. I can KEEP SECRETS. You pretty much cannot keep a secret 'cause you pretty much said a few secrets she entrusted to you in that video. Hmm.

You can not keep a secret. I find it difficult to tell when someone is feeling some... wait, I do not. Sorry. I do not find it difficult to know how someone is feeling. I mean yeah, sometimes, sometimes I'm [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow, in the thinking process]], but a bunch of times I get right off the bat. And I like sharing my [[Honest Content|honest feelings]] with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are TRUE and HONEST feelings. SO THERE. This is my only response to you, so you better renew the promise, and NO MORE VIDEOS. And everybody on the internet knows that I am the original Christian Weston Chandler with the birth name of Christopher that created [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], you've only been online for six months. I've been on-line- I've been online since 2000. Even before 2000. I've had a CWC Pokesite and CWC Pokesite 2 was up before 2000! Definitely! So there! Okay.

And Kace, again, I do care about you very much, if I could go beyond, if you wished, you should have said so in the first place, and I would have been happy to pursued the friendship level to a [[Sweetheart from the ground up|relationship]], if you have feelings for your Chris, then yeah. For Him. And I respected that. Because I care. I care, okay? If I will, and I appreciated that you did start to fall for me. Although I did understand, I listened to, I understood every word that you said in that part of that video. Obviously, while yeah I miss it the first time around, but I caught it, I caught it the second time. When I set my mind to it I [''stutters''] I am trustworthy I am... I'm not going to get into that wording. But most of the time I am the [[White knight e-mails|good listener]]. And most of the time, I can count on the hidden things [''video skips''] messages fairly quick. But sometimes I can be a little slow you have to be patient with me. Think about this: I am patient with most everybody. Okay? So I'll leave you all with that.

Have a good day.

==The Lies of Solid Chris==

Obviously, the vast majority of Chris's video is blatant falsehood that would leave the most crooked politician stunned and agape. In order to provide some context to this amazing dosage of fallacy, the members of the CWCki have generously provided the following in-depth analysis:

''''He is kind, good-hearted, and caring''': He has cheated on his e-sweethearts numerous times, and the sole focus of all of his relationships is to get poon. He was completely indifferent to the deaths of [[PandaHalo]], [[Sarah May]], and Ryan Cash, giving selfish reasons as to how their deaths affected him. He called his lone true fan of the comic a naïve dumbass. The ghost of his dead aunt could also tell you how much he cared about her when it came time to bury her. Chris will outright smear other people to make himself look better. He humiliated his good friend Megan by uploading [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|a drawing of himself fingerbanging her to the internet]]. His explanations as to why he did so included needing some sort of release to keep from flipping out and [[rape|raping]] her. Despite her clear objections to the picture and Chris claiming he still cared about her, he decided to go ahead and use the picture to unnecessarily fill out [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|his cartoon porn site]]. He also hates [[homos|homosexuals]] just because they're gay, and is a noted racist.

'''He cares about Kacey''': Chris's entire pursuit of her was a sham to trick her and get into [[china|her pants]]. He [[Chris and Hypocrisy|pretended to be Liquid]] over the phone and on YouTube videos to get her to fall for him. When they met up, Chris could have tried to build a rapport with her and looked for a way to lay the foundation for a good emotional connection. But he was only interested in sex and spent much of the time staring at her goods, sniffing her, trying to cop a feel, and even tried to plant a surreptitious kiss on her. When it was all over, Chris posted a video showing that he was back on top of the world despite having posted a teary-eyed video just two days prior. He'd already forgotten about her, even though he told her she was, "the sweetest kindest woman I've ever known in my life."

'''He is intelligent''': Chris gets swindled by trolls practically non-stop, and has even fallen for some of the stupidest ruses ever devised by humankind. He almost never deduces on his own that he's being tricked and ignores warnings from others that he's being tricked. He can't [[Chris and English|write for shit]] or do math, and he thinks it's possible for a completely heterosexual person to turn gay just by momentarily letting their guard down. He also thought the best way to get Encyclopedia Dramatica to stop talking about his delusional insanity was to bombard them with further examples of his delusional insanity.

'''He is generous and gives to his friends''': Yes, Chris is so generous, that he once admitted that if he had the cure to autism, a truly invaluable thing that would bring life-changing help to millions around the world, he'd throw it away just to get a PS3. In the GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes, after saying he'd share the prize money with his church congregation, he ended up spending the majority of it on himself. And he stole money from his own parents so he could buy video game content for games he didn't even own.

'''He can be cheerful and easy-going''': He constantly started arguments with everyone at The GAMe PLACe over Pokémon games, and almost got his ass kicked once because of them. He will resist doing or feeling anything that will be even a minor inconvenience upon him. He has also publicly cried like a baby at inappropriate times over issues that were either largely insignificant or the direct result of his own fuck-ups.

'''He is a good listener''': Countless numbers of people have tried to talk sense into him to get him to not fall for trolls, and to try to help him change his life for the better. He's resisted nearly every bit of advice he's received. Vivian Gee spent hours trying to give him sound advice about fixing his life, and he just sighed and rejected her advice so much that she turned against him. He completely missed the point about why Megan was so upset with him about spreading embarrassing things about her online, thinking she was just mad because she didn't know much about sex.

'''He is empathetic/sympathetic''': Maybe he just doesn't know what these words truly mean, but likely he knows and just doesn't care. If he were either of those things, he would understand why Mary Lee Walsh and various jerkops didn't want him soliciting himself in public, and why potential Sweethearts would be put off by his creepy overly-forward advances. He might have shown true remorse over the death of Ryan Cash instead of being awestruck by the power of causing someone to kill themselves and telling his brother to just get over it. And he certainly wouldn't have cheated on his aforementioned e-sweethearts. Two weeks after he declared how empathetic and sympathetic he is, he stunned YouTube by uploading a video intending to tease a blackmail photo of Gregg Mays by photoshopping it into a picture of the World Trade Center and illustrating the towers being attacked, saying that they were both weak and would go crumbling down. Backpedaling after the subsequent outrage, Chris removed that video and replaced it with another video showing a birthday cake with two candles...the candles being the towers from the World Trade Center photoshop copy-pasted directly over the cake, except with the tops removed and set ablaze.

'''He is fairly popular and it's easy for him to make friends''': Chris has never been popular. He was constantly teased and picked on at school, had to take his mother to the prom, and most of the people that he had regular positive contact with didn't like him nearly as much as he liked them. After getting out of school, most people that stayed in his life or entered it drifted away quickly or have been driven away by his direct actions. He was widely disliked at The GAMe PLACe, and had to change schools and churches due to numerous conflicts. Since he was discovered by the interwebs, practically everyone that has entered his life — both online and off — has done so just to troll him, and the few that didn't mostly ended up becoming trolls. 99% of all the comments on his YouTube videos are negative, and he is bombarded with negative emails from trolls daily. He automatically considers all males to be jerks, and even belittled someone who is considered to be the only true fan of his comic that he ever had.

Perhaps he is confusing being popular with being notorious, but given how full of himself he his, that is unlikely.

'''He is good at talking to people, knows what to say to them, and shares his feelings because they are "good feelings most of the time"''': Any chatlog or clip of him conversing with someone else makes it plainly obvious he cannot carry on a conversation and constantly tries to steer the focus on himself. When he strikes up conversation with potential sweethearts, he uses shitty tips from books and cheesy pickup lines straight out of video games. He thinks there are strict rules to follow when being social, and even thinks that making spontaneous human connections is something to be taught in a classroom. He's completely incapable of saying the right thing to someone based on his conversations with Megan and people who have suffered hardships that don't involve Chris at all. And when he does share his feelings, he will blurt out things that are either wildly inappropriate, or details about himself that no human being would ever want to know.

'''He stays out of conflict''': If anyone offers any criticism, rips off his rip-offs, or suggests he's not entirely straight, he gets defensive and/or flies into nuclear tard rage. He gets into it with trolls at every opportunity, will not back down from an argument until he's had the last word, and will even hypocritically mock people rather than just letting things slide. He absolutely cannot let any slight against him go, proven in his lengthy campaigns against various trolls. This video is further proof to the point; after CChanSonichuCWC reappeared, Chris absolutely had to respond to Liquid twice though he said he wouldn't ever do so again.

'''He is reliable''': Chris can't even put out his shitty scribble of a comic at any kind of regular schedule, sometimes going months at a time without updating despite the fact that he has no job and rarely leaves his house. He stood up Emily when they first arranged their date in the mall. He couldn't even be counted on to do basic minimum wage work, having been fired from a fast-food restaurant.

'''He tries to control his temper''': Please feast your eyes on these articles, and ask yourself just how in control of his temper he is.

'''He can keep secrets''': Ever since he came in contact with ED, he has continuously uploaded sensitive personal details about himself, his family, and his friends. He keeps doing so despite the fact that trolls are constantly using this information to torment him and people close to him. He told the internet that his mom has problems with her ass. He will also give information freely to people posing as trolls, because as long as someone strings together a few nice things to say about him, he will immediately trust that person without question.

==See also==

*[[For Kacey from CWC]]
*[[I Love You Kacey]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brutal Legend Plus]]|nextlink=[[I Love You Kacey]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-22]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-10-22]]

SingStar Challenge Round 5

2014-10-14T01:35:15Z

FishDicks: /* Transcript */

'''The fifth and final round''' of the [[SingStar Challenge]] saw the two competitors each sing a song at the other's request. [[IBAChandler]] sang two versions of "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay. [[CChanSonichuCWC]] likewise performed two versions of "Lift Up Your Eyes" by [[Wikipedia:Planetshakers|Planetshakers]].

==IBAChandler's Initial Entry==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Smell Yo Duck"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sEyos6YB2_o}}
| stardate = 05 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{PokeShirt|text}} {{BrownLogoShirt|text}}
| previous = [[For Kacey from CWC|For Kacey]]
| next = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler's Revised Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
}}
{{quote|Can I smell yo d'''u'''ck?}}
Ian sings the final song, requested by CChanSonichuCWC, "Smell Yo Dick", but changes the word "dick" to "[[duck]]" in each instance, therefore disqualifying him. However, in the information section of the video, Ian claims to be sorry for all that he has done to the real Chris and [[Kacey]], and says that they are both his close friends. In both of the "Smell Yo Dick" videos, Ian manages to pronounce roughly 10% of the lyrics, with the other 90% being incoherent babbling, implying that Ian made virtually no effort to learn the song before singing it.

=== Transcript ===
Hello, Chris. Well, I have been uh, mistaken, I have been in error, and I humbly apologize from the bottom of my heart. I did you wrong, I did Kacey wrong. But still, she had to know. That why I communicated in the first place. But she still cares about you, man. At least 'n that's you, you real lucky guy to er, get that. Even after lying to her like that for all of the time. But still, dude. My humblest apologies. Let's just hope we can put this behind us and please dude, please. Stop pretending to be me. It ain't worth it! It's not fun! You're gonna get yourself in jail, man! [[Chris and the law|Identity theft is a serious crime!]] 'Specially after what you, the hefty bill you put up. Counterfeited my driver's license, with your picture on it. Counterfeited my high school diploma. Counterfeited my Piedmont degree. You've really got yourself up a big bill man. I hate to see uhh-d, I um, I mean, I will personally seen it, but I was talkin' to Kacey, she cares about you very much man. I just hate to break up the relationship between you and her. Especially one so HONEST, so TRUE. She loves you, man. I wuhh... things to make me feel bad. If you have to, if you end up going to jail after all this. So please dude, come clean. Yes, your name is Chris Chandler. That's it. No "-tian", No "Christopher", No "Ricardo". No "Weston". That's you man. So please man. Take off that paper medallion. Stop sellin' the fake merchandise, come clean, please. Come clean and I'll be right. Between you, between me, between Kacey. The whole world. Anyway I'll leave that up to you, as you sing "Lift Up Your Eyes" as I sing this track. Alright.

[''Chris dons a brown longsleeve shirt, and his orange Parappa the Rappa beanie. He wears a pair of sunglasses directly above his regular glasses.'']

Alright. Let's do this thing. Smell yo duck. From Riskay.

[''Smell Yo Dick from Riskay begins playing. Chris remains silent during the into, then sings along, badly. He replaces the word "dick" with "duck", violating the rules he thought up for his own contest.'']

[''Chris takes off his prescription glasses, and the eyeglasses fall in front of his eyes. He pushes them back up, and again they fall down. He repeats the process two other times before they stay.'']

The cards are on the table. You hold your hand. It's your move. Whatcha gonna do? Stop the charade, live freely, happily, or continue on and might end up in jail. Whatever you do, think about it while you sing "Lift Up Your Eyes" man. *[[sigh]]* Chris, you ok. You got your guitar playin'. You got more languages than I took. But still man, you need to quit pretendin'. With somebody you're not. [sings, awkwardly] God loves you by, your own name. Don't go makin' it look like someone else's. Especially with ID. Fake duhplomer and all that. Whatchyou gonna do, she gonna smell yo DUCK. Go ahead. Sing.

==Caught Cheating==
{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = "Ian, (IMPOSTOR CWC) You Have 4 Hours or DISQUALIFICATION"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Y__-AXpzV7s}}
| stardate = 5 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLiquidShirt|text}}
| previous = [[SingStar Challenge Round 4#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|C.W.C. SingStar #4: Think Twice, Eve 6 **ALSO SONG #5 CHOICE**]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|THE Christian Weston Chandler's FINAL SingStar #5 Song. Lift Up Your Eyes, The Planetshakers]]
}}
After being caught by [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] replacing every instance of the word "dick" with "duck", Chris is given four hours to sing the song TRUTHfully or face disqualification. Chris obliges, takes down the original and replaces it with a new version, then uploads the original just so the other can see his original message

===IBAChandler's Revised Entry===
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Smell Yo Dick Too"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TKJgdG3NGEA}}
| stardate = 5 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLogoShirt}} Brown Shirt with Logo
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler's Initial Entry|Smell Yo Duck]]
| next = [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CHRIS CHANDLER]]
}}
{{quote|I ''said'' the word. Now lay off!}}

=== Transcript ===
Alright, Chris, we'll do this another time. But remember the nice words that I had said to you earlier, and I meant it from my heart. Remember...those words...I said to you. Can't say I didn't warn ya, Can't say I wasn't nice. But, I'm warnin' ya, dude, be goo- try- do the right thing. Okay, DJ Quest, do it!

[''holds the phone to his hear in silence through the intro'']

[''sings "Smell Yo Dick" (very badly)'']

[''throughout the song, Impostor gets more and more uncomfortable each time he has to say "dick"'']

[''at 3:32 he seems to gag or lose his breath'']

[''at 3:47 he makes another gagging noise'']

That's what you GET! I did the word. I SAID the word. Now lay off! Remember my words, I'll re-upload that video, so you can hear those words again, and again, and again...aside from the song. Fort-unfortunately I deleted it from my "EyeCreate" program, so I can't edit it. Now sing "Eye- now sing "Lift Up Your Eyes", and THINK about it. Go ahead, Chris.

==CChanSonichuCWC's Entry==
{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = "Lift Up Your Eyes"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yYJhW88dH-c}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLiquidShirt|text}}
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler's Revised Entry|Ian, (IMPOSTOR CWC) You Have 4 Hours or DISQUALIFICATION]]
| next = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#CChanSonichuCWC's Revised Entry|RE-DONE Christian Weston Chandler (CWC) Final SingStar Challenge Song! You're WELCOME, Ian.]]
}}
{{quote|Well, here it is Ian, last song of the competition...}}

=== Transcript ===

Well, here it is Ian, last song of the competition. I'm almost sad is over. Then I remember how much of my identity you stole from me. Mmm. And I'll never get it back. Alright-well I already have it back. But, uh...you'll never take it.

[''CChan sings ''Lift Up Your Eyes'' by The Planetshakers, in a very [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]-like way'']

[At 2:08 he comments mid-song, "Tryin' to steal my girlfriend?" which is likely part of the reason Ian wants to disqualify it.]

==CChanSonichuCWC's Revised Entry==
{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = "RE-DONE Lift Up Your Eyes"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Kc_eyy_ENU}}
| stardate = 7 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLiquidShirt|text}}
| previous = [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|THE Christian Weston Chandler's FINAL SingStar #5 Song. Lift Up Your Eyes, The Planetshakers]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_August-November_2009#Ian.2C_Talking_Time_is_Over._The_REAL_Christian_Weston_Chandler_is_SICK_of_Your_Lies._Come_CLEAN.|Ian, Talking Time is Over. The REAL Christian Weston Chandler is SICK of Your Lies. Come CLEAN.]]
}}
This version was made after [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|allegations]] made by Ian Brandon Anderson about differences between the video and song lengths in the previous video. The Real Chris obliged, sang the complete song and noted the length of it.

=== Transcript ===
Hello Ian, [''sighs''] I said I'll sing-I'll sing your whole song but it's just the same thing over and over and over again you know? I mean, I don't see what's the point. You got some kind of secrets plan to troll me again? You know you troll me so much.

[''Chris sings, again in a very monotonous sound. Occasionally, after singing "And the Lord God almighty" he adds "and Jesus and the Mall Conductor Bear".'']

[''At the end, he yells "[[wikipedia:Sanctus|Holy, Holy, Holy]]" in a manner similar to the infamous [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY cries]]'']

Mmm, yeah that was a pretty long song. Mmm, I agree.

[[Category:SingStar Challenge]]
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]

{{SingStarChallenge}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-05]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-08-05]]

I Love You, Catherine

2014-10-11T19:51:17Z

FishDicks:

{{Articleofthenow}}

"'''I Love You, Catherine'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]], by [[Chris]], on [[October 2014|4 October 2014]]. The video contains an apology to a [[Gal pal|girl]] named Catherine, who is presumably the [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|mystery sweetheart]] Chris had posted about on [[Facebook]] in previous months. It should be noted that Chris is seen wearing [[Tomgirl|a skirt and stockings]] throughout the entirety of the video, while also sporting his old [[Manchester High School|high school]] sweatshirt. A woman's headband can be seen in his ever-thinning [[Hair|hairline]] (which is receding and the bald spot at his vertex is developing) throughout the entirety of the video, as well. He is also shown to be at his lowest point since [[CWC is Sad]], speaking with a low monotone and at parts almost tearing up.

It may not be entirely impossible that Chris is showing actual '''remorse''' here, instead of his [[Chris and remorse|usual bullshit]]. Either that, or this is just him being sad over getting close to losing some [[China|china]].

Note that the video has [[Chris and cinematography|the usual]] murky green tint as well as skips in the audio, despite Chris having gotten a better camcorder as shown in "[[Hello, my sweety baby]]". It is possible that Chris's old [[PSEye]] was the only camera he was able to salvage in the fire, and that his new camcorder was destroyed.

==Description==

{{quotebox|I deepestly apologize to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to Colin for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to Shaina for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better Lesbian Transgender Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person ([[Troll]]) who has found the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

==Summary==
Being the first and currently only video (aside from [[Video games|Mario Kart 8]] playthroughs) uploaded by Chris in 2014, it seems to have been filmed in the [[Rental House|rental house]] Chris and [[Barb|his mother]] have been staying in, since the events of the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]]. The video primarily consists of Chris apologizing to his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|latest partner]], whom he has apparently been in an open relationship with.

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Love You, Catherine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvMWpKKw8k4}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2014]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}
| previous = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

===Transcript===
''["[[wikipedia:Theme from A Summer Place|Theme from A Summer Place]]" playing in background]''

--is Christian Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]. I'm recording this vid-video because I have... [[Chris and remorse|apologies to make]]. I...want to apologize to, uh... Shaina, who was...a good friend of mine - but not my s- girlfriend - uh, been helping me- been helping me out in relaying details and whatnot amongst, uh, my... sweetheart, another one of my gal-pals, and uh, uh ''[does his [[stress sigh]]]''... new... man of the hour. Anyway, um, alright, Shaina has been relaying messages on and off between me and, uh, uh... his name is Colin, and, uh, my sc-school gal-pal Rebecca who introduced me to Shayna in the first place. Anyway, I, uh, with my sweetheart, uh, everyone oughta know her by now who knows me, because they found the CD I gave her. Yeah, her name is Catherine. So, yeah, with that, uh, I would really appreciate having the CD sent back to me and I'll make sure she gets it 'cause it's the master copy, as well as the master print and handwriting in there, so I would really mu- appreciate getting that back.

Anyway, I've royally screwed up here, because, uh, while Catherine was in New York recently, for, uh, a bachelorette party of a friend of Shaina's, uh...''[deep swallow followed by sigh]'' sh-...yeah, uh, Colin asked her and Shaina asked her to go out for a sailboat ride. Uh, Shaina couldn't make it but Catherine went. They had a good ti- they had a fun time on the boat. Nothing else happened. Colin treated her with respect, and I'm guessing kept his distance, but definitely respected my sweetheart, and uh... I made assumptions because I did not know better and I had other fears in my mind as well. I had, uh, [[Noviophobia|assumed]] Colin was the type that would [[rape|take advantage]] of other women, and, uh... most importantly, Cat- my Catherine, and I had assumed from what he told me that, uh, it was kind of, uh, lackadaisical, and insincere. Would not take, uh, would not listen to me very seriously.

Anyway, I beg to put it into a pun, I've made an ass of myself by making so many assumptions. Anyway, it all turned out very bad, especially for, uh... Catherine... [[Chris and his ego|and me]]. I've just been feeling really bad about that. Uh... I'm sorry, Shaina, for putting you through the in-between people-- work-- luh, I appreciate you doing that very much. And Colin, I'm very sorry for all the [[JERKS|assumptions]] I made about you. I would like to think better of you as a person, and I... I trust you-- I am trusting you from the-- all that, yeah. And most importantly, I'm very sorry to my sweetheart Catherine. ''[Chris facepalms]'' I just... She's been going through a lot as well... she need- she needed a good time as well to get away from the bad things of life that's bothering her, but it's relevant to her father. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Anyway, Catherine, you mean the world to me, sweetheart, you really do, and.. I mean to treat you as a partner, I do. And I don't mean to treat you as a child, uh... I've been going under a lot of my own [[Stress|stresses]] lately. ''[Begins to tear up a little]'' Especially in response to everything, and I... ''[Chris facepalms again]'' I miss my father every day... Sigh.. It all hurts. My [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris and religion|soul]], they what to you, Catherine, they really-- I-I really do send my heart out so if you wanna keep it with you, keep my heart and soul as well. I love and I care about you so much and I respect you and I mean very well in my intentions. [[ShecameforCWC|Always]]. Even if they aren't the best impulses out of all that. [[White_Knight#Chris.27_life_would_still_be_a_disaster_even_if_the_trolls_never_bothered_him|I'm very sorry for all the mistakes I've made]]. ''[Chris facepalms a third time, then starts his godawful singing.]''

I can't stop loving you~

Deep within my heart~

[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|I don't know all the lyrics]]~

So I'll just sing from the bottom of my heart~

And the depths of my soul~

''[Dramatic pause]''

I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Hello, my sweety baby]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

YouTube

2014-10-06T13:51:23Z

FishDicks: /* CwcvilleGuardian (February 2012 - present) */

{{quote|no description available|YouTube's official (and very appropriate) response to many of Chris's videos}}

[[Image:Youtubehacked.jpg|thumb|Chris's original YouTube channel, after it was hacked.]]
[[Image:Happybday.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and his Ego|Chris commenting on a video thinking it was meant for him.]]]]

'''YouTube''' is the primary arena in the online world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who has occasionally called it "the YouTube". Although his website may get hacked and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] might crash and [[110mb]] will suck balls, YouTube.com is always up and operational, and, up until his "final departure from the Internet" in 2010, Chris was always producing new [[Captain's Log]] [[videos]] and reacting to the videos of his [[trolls|friends]] and [[trolls|enemies]].

For Chris, YouTube is not merely a way to post videos dedicated to his alleged adoring [[fanbase]] and issue broad condemnations of trolling; it is also a communication channel. Chris has posted several videos on his YouTube channel that he apparently believes will be only viewed by the people he addressed the videos to – and that they'll view the video even when they haven't been made aware of Chris's channel. He has addressed individual trolls, individual alleged fans, [[sweetheart]]s and especially former sweethearts, journalists<ref>[[10 September 2009]]</ref> and TV shows<ref>[[For G4s Web Soup]]</ref><ref>[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|''Cleveland Show'' Voice Rant]]</ref>, local business managers<ref>[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]</ref> and other people within driving distance of his house. As of [[2009]], Chris is wary of email and other text-based forms of communication, having been burned by alleged sweethearts who turned out to have [[pickle]]s. In order to satisfy his ever-inflating [[Chris and his Ego|ego]], he searches videos labeled "Chris-chan".

There's a certain beauty to the way Chris's videos are displayed to the world: The videos he wants the world to see end up on YouTube. The videos he reconsiders and deletes also end up on YouTube. The videos he sends privately to trusted [[gal pal]]s end up on YouTube. The videos he makes depicting himself in the nude usually get taken down from YouTube, but that's what SlutLoad is for. A high priority among the internet bullies is to archive every video Chris has ever made, which is fairly challenging since Chris will often DELETE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING when he thinks he's embarrassed himself or left himself open to attack.

Luckily, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|Arjen Van Dierten]] archived them on his YouTube account for prosperity of future [[lulz]]. As he has retired from this duty, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] (and several unrelated YouTubers) save Chris's videos for future generations.

==Video quality (or lack thereof)==

{{main|Chris and cinematography}}

[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|C'mon! You can TOTALLY see his face!]]

When viewing one of Chris's videos, one of the first things the viewer will notice is the '''excruciatingly''' poor quality of his video. One of his major flaws as a cameraman is lighting; any amateur cinematographer would know that if he's recording a video indoors, he would turn the lights on, but Chris doesn't adhere to this basic rule. As a result, almost all videos recorded indoors have a sickly greenish-yellow tinge to them. Also, due to this, almost every video suffers from blurriness thanks to the lack of proper lighting.

Whenever Chris is recording, he seems to fail to grasp the basic object of "focus"; to make sure that the camera is appropriately trained on whatever it is he is trying to film. As such, whenever he is filming, he is often way out of center. It also doesn't help that he often adjusts the camera angle without regards to what his audience will see, which means that you can't even see what it is he's filming. For a very good example, when Chris was [[Secret Weapon|gloating]] about the picture of [[Clyde Cash]] he had found online, he was holding it far too close to the camera's lens, so that you never really do get to look at the picture as a whole.

Chris also seems to lack any basic video editing skills, be it pre- or post-production. Whenever he needs to put text in a video, he chooses to write it down on a piece of paper and record it with his camera. Almost any basic video editing software, even [[Wikipedia:Windows Movie Maker|Windows Movie Maker]], has an option to display computer-generated text within the video and in the occasions that he needs to insert a TV clip, he instead opts to record directly from the TV screen, even though it would be far more prudent to insert the clips in via editing.<ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref>

What makes this all pathetic is that [[Common_Questions#15_January_2010|Chris chooses to blame these flaws on his equipment]], when anyone as devoted to video blogging as himself would choose a far superior and more devoted option than the [[PSEye]] camera, and buy the basic essentials such as a tripod, as well as some decent video editing software such as [[Wikipedia:Sony Vegas|Sony Vegas]]. But that would leave him without money to spend on [[Sex toys|other things]].

==Chris's YouTube accounts==

===Sonichu ([[May 2007]] - [[September 2008]])===
Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL YouTube account was [http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu Sonichu], created on 08 May 2007. The account originally served to host the trailer for his [[DVD]], his [[Future Message]], and the clips of himself on the evening news.

Following his discovery of the ED page in [[November 2007]], Chris began using the account to post videos arguing against ED's [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], and by [[August 2008]] it had become the base of operations for his war against all of ED. The Sonichu account was hacked during a massive ED counteroffensive on 11 September; Chris deleted the account, apparently hoping to escape from the trolls under a new username.

===CChan6789 ([[September 2008]] - [[March 2009]])===
Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789 CChan6789] on 18 September 2008, and abandoned it on 30 March 2009. This account saw many of the most famous and classic Chris-chan moments, including him [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]] and [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|raging at Clyde Cash for the first time]]. Amazingly, CChan6789 remains open with several videos still intact. According to his [[Jackie e-mails|talks with Jackie]], the only reason this account was lost was because Chris lost his password and he didn't realize that there's a ''password recovery'' function.

===CChanSonichu ([[April 2009]] - [[July 2009]])===
Although Chris abandoned CChan6789 with the intent of preventing the trolls from having new footage to mock him with, Chris returned with [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichu CChanSonichu] on 09 April 2009. This account saw even more classic Chris moments, such as him [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|admitting to drinking his jizz]]. The account was hacked on 05 June 2009, although Chris subsequently regained access and posted [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting and threatening videos]] which caused the account to be suspended on 11 July.

===IBAChandler ([[July 2009]] - [[August 2009]])===
Rather than attempt to reactivate CChanSonichu or simply reuse CChan6789, Chris immediately created [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAChandler IBAChandler] on 11 July 2009. This new username confused many faggots, requiring Chris to slowly explain thousands of times that "IBAChandler" is a pun meaning "I be a Chandler," as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers."

Chris's initial use of the IBAChandler account was to post [[Rollin' and Trollin'|a video with his new look]], claiming he was and had always been a troll posing as an autistic manchild. This resulted in the narrative that the owner of IBAChandler was an impostor named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], and that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] was in fact the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

===ChristianWChandler ([[August 2009]] - present)===
To dispel the claims he's Ian Brandon Anderson, Chris made a new account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler], which makes it clear (or so he believes) that he is Christian Weston Chandler. There is, however, no proof that he ever worked as a sacristan, or any other type of a Christian WC handler.

On 22 [[November 2010]], Chris uploaded a [[100 2357.MOV|video]] in which he announces his departure from the [[Internet]] again. After uploading this video, Chris removed all his other videos from his ChristianWChandler account, not to update again for little more than 2/3 of a year. However, after a string of [[Calling Out|blackmail videos]], Chris's account was stricken again.

===ClydeGreggCashMays ([[October 2009]] - [[November 2009]]) ===
Apparently very vaguely aware that YouTube accounts that are used for blackmailing people tend to get shut down, Chris created [http://www.youtube.com/user/ClydeGreggCashMays ClydeGreggCashMays] to post his blackmail videos of Clyde Cash, so that in the unlikely event of YouTube noticing these prohibited activities, his main account won't get shut down. However, due to the fact that Chris's blackmailing scheme lacked any chance of success in the first place, nobody gave a damn. (The first time YouTube [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|actually reacted]] to Chris's TOS violations happened over year and a half later, during his second blackmail saga - and Chris posted these videos on his bright and shiny and law-abiding ChristianWChandler account.)

===CWCvilleProductions ([[August 2011]] - present)===
Operated by a third party, [http://www.youtube.com/CWCvilleProductions CWCvilleProductions] emerged in late [[August 2011]] as a result of Chris being banned from Youtube.

===CwcvilleGuardian ([[February 2012]] - present)===

While [http://www.youtube.com/user/CwcvilleGuardian CwcvilleGuardian] was initally created by Chris to post a comment, it has since primarily been used to favorite [[My Little Pony]] videos, [[Lego]] related animation, clips from [[The Simpsons]], [[Video games|video games]], and [[Chris and his Ego|his own]] videos.

Curiously, he has added several videos from [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in his playlists, ignoring how their titles openly mock him. Even more curiously, he has also added several videos from the PONY.MOV collection, videos he claimed were responsible for killing his inspiration for drawing more Sonichu. He has subscribed to [[Michael Snyder]]'s [http://www.youtube.com/user/thercholic YouTube account], ultimately proving that he will never be able to forget his petty, one-sided grudge against this man, even after nearly [[28 October 2011|going to jail]] over this obsesion.

For almost two years, no videos were uploaded. However, on 5 November 2013, he uploaded his first video under the CWCVilleGuardian username and his first since the end of the Tomgirl Saga: [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]. Later, on 4 October 2014, Chris uploaded a video titled [[I Love You, Catherine]], revealing the possible name of his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|anonymous sweetheart.]]

==See also==
*[[List of Christian's comments on Youtube]]
*[[Chris and cinematography]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary The CWCville Library]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg Vivian's home of the audiobooks.]</s> Closed down as of May 2012.
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCVilleGuardian The real Christian Weston Chandler's YT account.]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Chris's websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]