CWCki - User contributions [en]

11042009 51 50

2016-03-02T18:41:19Z

Flugplatz89: Undo revision 195600 by Flugplatz89 (talk) I messed up sorry

'''51 50''' (full name '''11042009 51 50''') is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 5 [[November 2009]], in which he claims to perform 51 [[Wikipedia:Biceps curl|biceps curls]] of 2 50-pound (23 kg) boxes of lemonade. But, of course, that is [[Honor roll|incorrect]]--the 12-pack of soda actually weighed about 10 lb (4.5 kg).<ref>Based on Chris's description of it as containing 4.26 L of juice, plus a little more for the packaging.</ref> Note that the [[JERKS|average man]] can lift about 35 lb (16 kg) in a 1-arm biceps curl,<ref>[http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/584162.html]</ref> meaning that Chris is less than a third of a man. Regardless, curling a TRUE and HONEST 50-pound weight for 50 reps without stopping would require, quite literally, superhuman strength.

Also, Chris uses improvised dumbbells to display [[I AM STRONG|his strength]] once more. Any intelligent person could buy a decent set of weights for $20 or less at their local [[Target]] (which might not be such a good idea for Chris, since he'd probably injure himself actually trying to lift 50 pounds--especially if he turns his spine while lifting them like he does here). Of course, Chris isn't about to waste his [[monthly tugboat]] on something that could actually improve his life or health in any real way. It should be noted that his technique is horrible and lacking a full range of muscle movement, taking away most of the strain from the arms and rendering the exercise useless--and yet, around halfway into the video, Chris's [[Obesity|profuse sweating]] still manages to make a return in a big way, and in typical CWC fashion, 1 of his 12-packs break and the contents spill out onto the floor.

Incidentally, "5150" also refers to an [[Wikipedia:5150 (Involuntary psychiatric hold)|involuntary psychiatric hold]] in California. The video was notably also uploaded during the [[Father Call]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 11042009 51 50
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-0-eiwe-W14}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| shirt = {{ParappaShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]
| next = [[No More Jokes]]
}}

{{quote|What a workout!}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Video seems to start in mid-sentence, Chris is holding a 12-pack of [[Wikipedia:Minute Maid|Minute Maid]] lemonade cans on his knee''] 12-pack. [''knocks carton twice''] All the cans are in there. [''turns the carton so he can read the content information''] 4.26 liters total. Estimated weight [''hefts box with his right hand, needing his left hand to support it as he does so''] unngh, I'd say over 50 pounds a thing.

[''fumbles with the carton as he switches it to his left hand and holds it to his side, then uses his right hand to grab a second 12-pack of lemonade''] So now, watch this, aight? [''begins doing curls with the two 12-packs, counting reps for each arm aloud.'']

'''Reps 1 through 3:''' Chris's posture is slouched forward as he lifts the cartons to shoulder height. He sways a bit from side to side with each rep.

'''Reps 4 through 6:''' Chris is already having difficulty lifting the cartons. He starts straining his eyes and his head rocks from side to side more.

'''Reps 7 and 8:''' Chris suddenly winces and arches backward as he lifts rep 7, his terrible posture forcing obvious pain upon him. He grimaces through these reps.

'''Reps 9 through 11:''' He relaxes here, but he starts rocking his torso back and forth with the reps, as his arms alone are not able to pull the weight unassisted.

'''Reps 12 and 13:''' His swaying torso is no longer enough for these massive weights, so he starts kicking his legs a bit to help out.

'''Reps 14 through 17:''' Chris stops kicking his legs, but continues to rock back and forth.

'''Rep 18:''' Miscounts number 18 for his right arm as 19, but catches his mistake by counting his left arm as 19 twice.

'''Reps 20 through 31:''' Still rocking side to side and back and forth as he lifts, occasionally using his legs for assistance.

'''Reps 31 through 35:''' Chris's torso movement is now much more pronounced, flopping in all directions. Though his voice remains steady, his contorted face says he really hopes this will end soon.

'''Rep 36:''' He twists the carton in his right hand as he brings it up instead of keeping it straight, compromising the carton's structural integrity.

'''Rep 37:''' The inevitable happens. Chris twists the right side carton again as he lifts it and this time the carton rips and falls to his lap. He turns the box around and grips it by the other side of the hole he had been gripping it by.

'''Reps 38 through 44:''' Rep 38 goes smoother as he had a chance to rest while fumbling with the broken carton, but starting with rep 39, Chris is absolutely straining to bring the right side carton up to his shoulder. He twists his neck to his left each time he does so and scrunches his face tightly. On 40, two cans fall out of the damaged box. He puts them back in and then starts on 41 for his right arm forgetting to do rep 40 for his left.

'''Reps 45 through 49:''' On 45, Chris twists his entire body to the left to bring the right-side carton up. This flies in the face of pretty much anyone's estimate of [[mass debating|which of his arms would be stronger]]. His following reps are a bit more relaxed, but he's still struggling mightily, especially with the right-side carton.

'''Rep 49:''' Another can falls out of the damaged box. Chris catches it on his lap and puts it back in the box.

And that's not me. I am unstoppable.

'''Rep 50:''' Chris resumes where he left off, reaching 50, which he pronounces to be "The Big Five-Oh".

And to get around in the business sense, [''lifts his right box high over his head''] 51! [''repeats action with his left''] And 50...'''1!''' [''sticks tongue out obscenely''] Whaaaa! [''places boxes on the ground''] What a workout!

[''Chris's face is completely drenched with sweat, he flashes a double thumbs-up, then flexes.''] I'm strong '''NNNNGH'''! [''approaches camera''] So ther--[''video ends mid-word.'']

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Fighter - Chris-chan vs. Soda Pop
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VG0mXcdizgw}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ashlink ashlink]
| subject = 11042009 51 50
| type = (VGM) Remix
| info = }}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]|nextlink=[[No More Jokes]]|}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-05]]

11042009 51 50

2016-03-02T18:40:35Z

Flugplatz89:

'''51 50''' (full name '''11042009 51 50''') is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 5 [[November 2009]], in which he claims to perform 51 [[Wikipedia:Biceps curl|biceps curls]] of 2 50-pound (23 kg) boxes of lemonade. But, of course, that is [[Honor roll|incorrect]]--the 12-pack of soda actually weighed about 10 lb (4.5 kg).<ref>Based on Chris's description of it as containing 4.26 L of juice, plus a little more for the packaging.</ref> Note that the [[JERKS|average man]] can lift about 35 lb (16 kg) in a 1-arm biceps curl,<ref>[http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/584162.html]</ref> meaning that Chris is less than a third of a man. Regardless, curling a TRUE and HONEST 50-pound weight for 50 reps without stopping would require, quite literally, superhuman strength.

Also, Chris uses improvised dumbbells to display [[I AM STRONG|his strength]] once more. Any intelligent person could buy a decent set of weights for $20 or less at their local [[Target]] (which might not be such a good idea for Chris, since he'd probably injure himself actually trying to lift 50 pounds--especially if he turns his spine while lifting them like he does here). Of course, Chris isn't about to waste his [[monthly tugboat]] on something that could actually improve his life or health in any real way. It should be noted that his technique is horrible and lacking a full range of muscle movement, taking away most of the strain from the arms and rendering the exercise useless--and yet, around halfway into the video, Chris's [[Obesity|profuse sweating]] still manages to make a return in a big way, and in typical CWC fashion, 1 of his 12-packs break and the contents spill out onto the floor.

Incidentally, "5150" also refers to an [[Wikipedia:5150 (Involuntary psychiatric hold)|involuntary psychiatric hold]] in California. The video was notably also uploaded during the [[Father Call]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 11042009 51 50
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FAT7eLfvJcQ}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| shirt = {{ParappaShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]
| next = [[No More Jokes]]
}}

{{quote|What a workout!}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Video seems to start in mid-sentence, Chris is holding a 12-pack of [[Wikipedia:Minute Maid|Minute Maid]] lemonade cans on his knee''] 12-pack. [''knocks carton twice''] All the cans are in there. [''turns the carton so he can read the content information''] 4.26 liters total. Estimated weight [''hefts box with his right hand, needing his left hand to support it as he does so''] unngh, I'd say over 50 pounds a thing.

[''fumbles with the carton as he switches it to his left hand and holds it to his side, then uses his right hand to grab a second 12-pack of lemonade''] So now, watch this, aight? [''begins doing curls with the two 12-packs, counting reps for each arm aloud.'']

'''Reps 1 through 3:''' Chris's posture is slouched forward as he lifts the cartons to shoulder height. He sways a bit from side to side with each rep.

'''Reps 4 through 6:''' Chris is already having difficulty lifting the cartons. He starts straining his eyes and his head rocks from side to side more.

'''Reps 7 and 8:''' Chris suddenly winces and arches backward as he lifts rep 7, his terrible posture forcing obvious pain upon him. He grimaces through these reps.

'''Reps 9 through 11:''' He relaxes here, but he starts rocking his torso back and forth with the reps, as his arms alone are not able to pull the weight unassisted.

'''Reps 12 and 13:''' His swaying torso is no longer enough for these massive weights, so he starts kicking his legs a bit to help out.

'''Reps 14 through 17:''' Chris stops kicking his legs, but continues to rock back and forth.

'''Rep 18:''' Miscounts number 18 for his right arm as 19, but catches his mistake by counting his left arm as 19 twice.

'''Reps 20 through 31:''' Still rocking side to side and back and forth as he lifts, occasionally using his legs for assistance.

'''Reps 31 through 35:''' Chris's torso movement is now much more pronounced, flopping in all directions. Though his voice remains steady, his contorted face says he really hopes this will end soon.

'''Rep 36:''' He twists the carton in his right hand as he brings it up instead of keeping it straight, compromising the carton's structural integrity.

'''Rep 37:''' The inevitable happens. Chris twists the right side carton again as he lifts it and this time the carton rips and falls to his lap. He turns the box around and grips it by the other side of the hole he had been gripping it by.

'''Reps 38 through 44:''' Rep 38 goes smoother as he had a chance to rest while fumbling with the broken carton, but starting with rep 39, Chris is absolutely straining to bring the right side carton up to his shoulder. He twists his neck to his left each time he does so and scrunches his face tightly. On 40, two cans fall out of the damaged box. He puts them back in and then starts on 41 for his right arm forgetting to do rep 40 for his left.

'''Reps 45 through 49:''' On 45, Chris twists his entire body to the left to bring the right-side carton up. This flies in the face of pretty much anyone's estimate of [[mass debating|which of his arms would be stronger]]. His following reps are a bit more relaxed, but he's still struggling mightily, especially with the right-side carton.

'''Rep 49:''' Another can falls out of the damaged box. Chris catches it on his lap and puts it back in the box.

And that's not me. I am unstoppable.

'''Rep 50:''' Chris resumes where he left off, reaching 50, which he pronounces to be "The Big Five-Oh".

And to get around in the business sense, [''lifts his right box high over his head''] 51! [''repeats action with his left''] And 50...'''1!''' [''sticks tongue out obscenely''] Whaaaa! [''places boxes on the ground''] What a workout!

[''Chris's face is completely drenched with sweat, he flashes a double thumbs-up, then flexes.''] I'm strong '''NNNNGH'''! [''approaches camera''] So ther--[''video ends mid-word.'']

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Fighter - Chris-chan vs. Soda Pop
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VG0mXcdizgw}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ashlink ashlink]
| subject = 11042009 51 50
| type = (VGM) Remix
| info = }}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]|nextlink=[[No More Jokes]]|}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-05]]

October 2014 Facebook Posts

2015-02-01T22:54:33Z

Flugplatz89: /* Chris Discovers GamerGate */

The following are a series of posts by Chris on [[Facebook]] in [[October 2014]].

==Summary==
* 1 October - Chris provides yet more thrilling news about his [[medallion]] production.
* 1 October - Chris issues [[death threats]] against [[SEGA|Sega]] for their alterations to [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of Sonic's arms]].
* 1 October - Chris offers opinions about [[Britney Spears]] and relationships.
* 4 October - Chris apologizes to [[Catherine]].
* 5 October - Chris gives an update on his medallion sales.
* 8 October - Another medallion update.
* 9 October - Chris wants someone to buy [[Barb|his mother]]'s car.
* 13 October - Yet another medallion update. Chris is in financial trouble.
* 15 October - Another medallion update.
* 16 October - Chris does research on sluts and sex.
* 18 October - Chris gives a movie review.
* 19 October - Chris asks for an invitation to a [[Halloween]] party.
* 22-23 October - Chris rants about [[eBay]] problems.
* 24 October - Chris sends positive messages to the oppressed of the world.
* 25 October - Chris offers opinions on GamerGate and [[autism]].
* 27 October - Chris hopes to see Temple Grandin.
* 28 October - Chris complains about eBay and the stresses of adulthood.
* 31 October - Chris visits a gay bar.

==Posts by Chris==
===Medallion Listing Update===
{{quotebox|1 October 2014

My, My! The [[Medallion]] Listing ended with the last quantity number sold. No worries, people, I will have it relisted ASAP, when [[eBay]] refreshes my monthly Listing Allowance.

In the meantime, everyone can still get a Medallion for Free with purchase of a Framed Piece, [[Commissions|Commission]] with the Works, and a Colored Commission. And I will now offer a Two-For-One Special through the B&W Listing; Free Medal with Purchase of a B&W Commission, and y'all may request a Medallion in lieu of a Commission Drawing. That is like buying Two Medallions for 1 2/3 of the total price.

I will extend the offer until when I am able to Relist the Medallions. I sincerely apologize for any inconveniences, and I thank you all for your understanding and patience.}}

===More Medallion Listing Updates===
{{quotebox|1 October 2014
Alright! I had 21 Medallions Molded and near ready! I ran out of Leather Straps again, so I was forced to stop at 18. So 18 Medallions were given their Tracking Numbers and shipped out this morning. I pulled another all-nighter last night, and I slept from about 6 or 7:30 AM to 3:50 PM. I am taking the rest of today and tomorrow off, and I will mold more medallions on Friday and the weekend. The next planned shipping day will be this coming Monday. And I have not forgotten anyone; I keep a hand-written record from all of the sales, so I am good there, and I update it shortly after new sales have been made.

Thank you all for your patience, patronage and good will.}}

===The Blarm Protesting Begins===
Chris uploaded a couple of pictures of himself frowning deeply and brandishing a plush [[Sonic]]. Of note is the filthiness of his receding [[hair]] and the fact that despite being made for a female, the shirt he is wearing does not properly contain his [[Obesity|breasts]] (or indeed the rest of his torso). He issued a [[death threats|death threat]] to every single person working at Sega.

{{quotebox|1 October 2014
[[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic's Arms Are Not BLUE!!!]] You all continue to make me most Angry with this Most Criminal Of Changes In History EVER!!!

You Either Recall EVERYTHING of the New Sonic Boom, RIGHT NOW, or I will Seriously (not) RIP HIS ARMS OFF and Seriously (WILL) Watch You All At SEGA DIE from this Heinous Of Crimes EVER!!!

[[File:Chrischan_oct14.jpg|220px]]
[[File:Chrischan_oct14_2.jpg|250px]]}}
[[William Elliott Waterman|William]] then called him out for his ridiculous overreaction:

{{quoteboxgreen|Chris, you're not serious.}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|I AM!!! And I have already messages the Sonic the Hedgehog Page with these photos and the same message.}}
{{quotebox|Do I look NOT Serious?}}

William:

{{quoteboxgreen|It's ridiculous. Why do you think sega will care if you're going to (not) rip the arms off of a sonic plush doll?}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|I am making MY Statement on the matter!}}

William:

{{quoteboxgreen|Sonic Boom is just another dumb cartoon, like Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog, SatAM, Sonic X, and that underground drivel. It means nothing to the canon of the character design in the games.}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|It means EVERYTHING TO ME, to SONIC'S History, TO EVERY HARDCORE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG FAN!!!}}

William:

{{quoteboxgreen|Just ignore it. Sonic Boom. Is. Not. Canon.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|You sound like Richard Kuta and Spax3 right now (they destroyed their own lives by complaining about sonic's voice and eye color).}}
{{quoteboxgreen|What about Sonic 2006? That was canon. Look at what it did to Sonic's reputation for the rest of time after it was released. Why don't you complain about that game?}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Gaming content does not matter here! And neither is Cannon or Not Cannon (I Really Hate that definition of Cannon).

And for your information, in my normal mental state, I would not rip the arms off; I prefer not to lie. But the Blue Arms make me feel SUPER ANGRY, that I WOULD RIP THE ARMS OFF OF IT!!!}}
{{quotebox|And, I corrected the arm color with Model Magic. NO LAUGHING!!! >:(}}

===I Love You, Catherine===
Chris makes a remorseful post for his [[sweetheart]] [[Catherine]] with a link to an accompanying [[I Love You, Catherine|video]]. In it, he apologizes for having characteristically assumed the worst of a male friend of hers and inadvertently reveals he is in an "open relationship".

{{quotebox|4 October 2014
I deepestly [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to Colin for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to Shaina for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better Lesbian Transgender Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person (Troll) who has found the [[Three-Quarter Woman|"Three-Quarter Woman"]] Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of [[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct.]] [[Ruckersville]], VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

[[Kim Wilson]] then replied:

{{quoteboxred|Christian Weston Chandler It takes a [[JERK|man]] to apologize for his mistakes. Good job!}}

William agreed:

{{quoteboxgreen|I don't even know who these people are (and you labeled that guy some serious things), but good job manning up.}}

===Blake Sonichu Medallion===
{{quotebox |5 October 2014
I may be confused, but I feel need to check: has anyone ordered a [[Blake]] (Black Sonichu) Medallion recently?

Please PM me on my eBay Profile Immediately to verify, and so I can properly list it next to your name an address on my hand-written records. Thank You.

Have a good and safe day.
}}

===Finished Molding 15 Medallions===
{{quotebox |5 October 2014
Good news, I have just finished molding 15 Medallions. I had three more that were unable to be shipped last time, because I ran out of leather strap material. I will be painting starting this coming afternoon, and I will have a total of 18 medals to ship out. And, by the way, I was already more than halfway through the total count of over 70 medallions. After getting the remaining nine, plus 10 for my special friends, made and shipped by the end of this week, I will go back to the Commissions, and have them drawn up and ready to be shipped hopefully the following Monday.

Also, I will tell everyone who is getting the Number One Medal, which is a [[Silvana Rosechu]] Medallion for my Best Customer.}}

William then replied:

{{quoteboxgreen|Is it me? Silvana is one of your greatest creations. That, and maybe a [[Yawning Squirtle|yawning squirtle]] medallion would be awesome.}}

===Shipping the Medallions===
{{quotebox|8 October 2014

I have shipped the recent lot of medallions yesterday, plus two [[autographed photos|photographs]]. I am feeling groggy in my head right now; I've been wrapping my brain on other more local issues to me.

Anyhow, I am taking a break for the few days; I will try to get some drawings for commissions, including Mr. Smith's drawing request (his new medal was shipped yesterday as well). I will mold more medals on Thursday, and paint them over the weekend, sending the next lot, and hopefully the lot that will make me up-to-date on the over 75 medals (well over half to three-quarters done now). The next planned shipping out date will be Next Monday. I apologize if this comes as an inconvenience to some or all of you, but your patience will be rewarded. Thank You, as have a good and safe day.}}

===Owing eBay 300===
[[File:WACS 1.JPG|thumb|right|"WACS: Real American Heroines"]]

{{quotebox|9 October 2014
Hey, everyone. I owe eBay 300, due AFTER THIS COMING WEEKEND!

Please HELP! Buy My Drawn Pieces! I still have like FIVE OF THEM AVAILABLE.
}}

===BMW: Buy My Wheels===
{{quotebox|9 October 2014
[[File:Facebook 9 Oct B.jpg|thumb|left|Barb's junker.]]
We are still selling the BMW; Call Barbara at '''(REDACTED)''' to buy it; ONLY If you have $15,000 Cash, And you are Serious and Sincere about it.

1996 BMW Z3 1.9 }}

===Chris Forgets That It's Columbus Day===
{{quotebox|13 October 2014
UGH!!! Who's dumb: Me right now! I've pulled another all-nighter painting, certifying and Almost Done wrapping the Medallions, and I Just Realized, Today is Columbus Day; the Post Offices are Closed for the Holiday!

I will ship out everything tomorrow. An after that, I will take a couple of days off, and then I will catch up with the Commissions (except for Mr. Smith's request, which has been drawn up; That will be shipped tomorrow, so that case can Finally be Closed, and I'll have access to that $30 that has been Stuck in Limbo for Weeks now)!

Aside from that, I Still require another $200 to be able to pay off the $300 Bill on my eBay, and that IS the Minimum Due, on the 15th! Which is why I have made the offer in the post below this one.

So, Please Help Me Here. Thank You, and have a good and safe day.}}

===Too Successful for His Own Good===
{{quotebox|13 October 2014
[[File:Facebook 13 Oct..png|thumb]]
Right: I have just learned the Ironic reason Why my due amount on eBay is that high. Because I made a LOT of sales the past month, counting when I was sinking in having to pay the insurance to drive the Focus, and delays in shipping the medals and things that week. UGH!!! Among the worst weeks of my life there.

Anyway: All I Need to keep my head above the water NOW is the sale of ONE FRAMED PIECE at $150. I know I said $250 earlier, but I was more tired and shocked then, clouded my better judgment; I'm less tired right now.

Again, PLEASE Help Me! Even selling Five Medallions among Five Customers would help me a Lot right now.}}

===Receiving Salvation===
{{quotebox|13 October 2014
Thank you! My head has just been brought above water on the eBay payment! I am going to be able to pay it off, as well as ship everything later today. :)

You all have a great and safe day.}}

===Please Pay for More Commissions===
{{quotebox|15 October 2014
I have just shipped out all of the lot of the medallions. I still have a few more to make, but I am Mostly Caught Up. I will take a few days off, and then catch up on the commission drawings over the coming weekend.

Any New Orders would be most appreciated. I will extend the offer of buying two frames pieces, or a framed piece and a Framed Commission, get $50 back. The offer will last until November 1, 2014.

And now, with Ken's Suggestion: Buy a Medallion, and you are welcome to request of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robbie Sonichu, Cera Rosechu and Christine Rosechu]], as well as either Equality Symbol. So, come on over to the Medallion page, checkout and let me know of your requests within the "Additional Details" field upon checkout.

Thank you, and have a good and safe day.}}

===Chris Explores the Anti-Carcinogenic Properties of Hanky-Panky===
{{quotebox|16 October 2014
[[File:Facebook 16 Oct.png|thumb|right]]
Sex Prevents Cancer?!

[[http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/08/5-reasons-im-proud-to-be-a-slut-adult/]]}}

===Vinyl Scratch Should've Spoke===
{{quotebox|18 October 2014
I just watched [[My Little Pony|‪#‎RainbowRocks]]‬ on Discovery Family; It was Very Good. Octavia Spoke! But Vinyl did not; Big Bummer! ‪#‎Nowhacking‬ would still make the best voice for Vinyl. I am a Fan of the animations made about the two of them. Their musical relationship is Delightful. And I Loved seeing ‪#‎Derpy‬ on stage, playing a saw; Cute, Sweet and Delightful!}}

===Happy Halloween, Also, Any Parties?===
{{quotebox|19 October 2014
[[File:LegoDerpy.jpg|thumb|right|See how fun-loving I am?]]
Happy [[Halloween]]! Dress Up and have Fun!

Now, can anyone recommend any legitimate and good Halloween Parties in [[Charlottesville]], VA, please?}}

William complained:

{{quoteboxgreen|Does my little pony and legos have to pervade everything you post? Maybe you can find some new interests. Like the Harry Potter Books. They are very much in the spirit of halloween and a good complement to pokemon as the sonic games and cartoons are to Mario. I know of a halloween party in Augusta, Maine.}}

Chris retorted:

{{quotebox| I put the two together, because my Lego Ghosts were out of reach, and I wanted more than the singular Jack-O-Lantern. Oh, My Gosh! What the hell has been screwing your mind up? Weed? Basement Loneliness? WTFH is Wrong with You?!}}

Kenneth Englehardt suggested:

{{quoteboxred|Sometimes one or more of the local radio stations may host a Halloween party. Have you checked with one of them in your area?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|That's an idea.}}

Kim asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Why is weed relevant?}}

Kenneth opined:

{{quoteboxred|I don't think he literally meant that weed had anything to do with this. It was just said in the tone of being angry.}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|And he gets it right in one guess.}}

Kim:

{{quoteboxgreen|Yeah, but being specific about weed is retarded. It's very dumb.}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Whatever; I felt it appropriate to William's "pervade"/perverse comment. And the Party I am looking for has to happen in CVille, VA.}}

===Holding Back the Money===
{{quotebox|22 October 2014
[[File:EBay screwjob.jpg|thumb|left]]
Yeah!!! I have been slapped by their computers, because of all these 17 Damn Complaints, thus having my recent $60 Sale Withheld Against me Now! eBay is Screwing Me Over AGAIN, because of Y'all's Impatience and Ignorance!!! Mr. Smith Included!!!}}

===Waiting for Someone to Pick Up===
Chris is inconvenienced by phone operators and naturally blames it on his customers who are providing him with his livelihood.

{{quotebox|22 October 2014
I have been on the phone with eBay for over two hours now, WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO PICK UP!!! I would not be feeling this pissed off and waiting this long, if I had received the positive Feedback I deserved for working my ass off for you all, with the All-Nighters I have pulled Making, Painting and Packing those Medallions for you all! Ugh!!! - <nowiki>|:(</nowiki> feeling annoyed.}}

===eBay Issues Resolved===
{{quotebox|23 October 2014
Yeah, it is mostly sorted out now; please do not let my inconveniences defray you all from ordering. Your Business is Very Much Appreciated. :)}}

===Snoopy, Cereal, and LGBTQ===
Chris tactfully deems the fictitious sentiments of a cartoon dog and the bottom of a cereal box to be highly relevant to the plight of systematically oppressed people the world over.

{{quotebox|24 October 2014
For the LGBTQ, and ‪#‎HRC‬; Snoopy, with Schultz, says something appropriate for all of us.

And Lucky Charms says something awesome on their box bottom too.

Both of which brings a
smile to me, and I hope they bring a smile to y'all too.

Have a good and safe day.

<center><gallery>
File:Facebook 24 Oct B.jpg
File:Facebook 24 Oct C.jpg
File:Facebook 24 Oct D.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

===Chris Discovers GamerGate===
Chris discovers the GamerGate movement after reading the Wikipedia article on it. GamerGate as a movement could warrant having its own dedicated wiki, but for the sake of precursory knowledge and context, GamerGate is argued by its supporters to be a movement against corrupt journalism and favouritism in the games industry regarding coverage. Those against it declare it to be an inherently misogynistic movement which only seeks to exclude women from the video game industry.

Chris deems it to be the latter, and decries the [[trolls]], cyberbullies and [[JERKS]] whom he believes to be participating in GamerGate. Owing to his recent re-idenfication as a woman, it can be safely assumed that this statement was motivated by [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] and his desire to play the victim.

{{quotebox|25 October 2014
I have just been clued into the topic of GamerGate. After finding its page on the Wikipedia, apparently female gamers and creators are getting a bad rap, and it has been made worse as of just this last August.

I, personally, see no problem in women and girls playing or creating video games, and being their own avatar of choice of either gender, creature or whatever. I, myself, really like playing as my own female avatars, including, but not limited to, my own Mii on my [[Nintendo|3DS and WiiU]]. (The Tomodachi Life photo amongst this set is actually a cap from SSB3DS, NOT Tomodachi Life).

Anyway, this form of misogyny amongst the Gamers, as well as the DAMN Internet Trolls and CyberBullies who are taking part of this GamerGate as well, Plain Pisses Me Off as well!

This Cruelty to women and all people in general Must Be Stopped and Put To An End! I stand with you all, my Sisters and [[Gal-Pals]], very much.

Thank You.

‪#‎GamerGate
<center><gallery>
File:Mii 13.jpg
File:Mii 12.jpg
File:Mii 9.jpg
File:Mii 10.jpg
File:Mii 9.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

===The Cure for Autism===
Chris rants about finding the cure for autism and equates having it to being [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]]. He also personifies autism by creating a Mii for it and proceeds to beat it up in Super Smash Brothers. It seems that his habit of personifying his [[Mary Lee Walsh|enemies]] and [[Soul Calibur|beating them up in video games]] isn't just limited to people, but also includes neurological disorders.

{{quotebox|25 October 2014
Also, I REALLY Want to put an end to [[Autism]], because it still bothers me with my own curse of the Mental Handicap. Where is that Cure for Autism? I want to do More than let it overpower me at my vulnerable mental blank-out moments, as well as just beating the crap out of it in Smash Bros.

Autism Speaks; so, Please Find The Cure!!!

‪#‎AutismSpeaks
<center><gallery>
File:Mii 0.jpg
File:Mii 8.jpg
File:Mii 7.jpg
File:Mii 6.jpg
File:Mii 5.jpg
File:Mii 4.jpg
File:Mii 3.jpg
File:Mii 2.jpg
File:Mii.jpg|Chris's personification of autism.
</gallery></center>‬}}

===Temple Grandin Excites Chris===
{{quotebox|27 October 2014
[[File:Facebook 27 Oct.png|thumb|Chris shared this photo]]
Oh, My Gosh! [[Wikipedia: Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] is coming to Virginia?! If I can afford it, I would Definitely Go there for her speech, and be delighted to meet her as well. I have enjoyed the movie HBO created of her life. She is a positive inspiration to all Autistic People!}}

He added:

{{quotebox|
And this is just crazy that I learn this shortly after talking about fighting Autism (at least in Smash Bros.)}}

Ultimately Chris will be unable to come up with the cash to attend the conference.

===Chris's Poorly-Done ''Family Guy'' Screenshot===
Chris took a photograph of his computer monitor playing the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "Baking Bad" on Hulu Plus, and posted:

{{quotebox|28 October 2014
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|thumb|left]]
This is now one of my Favorite "Family Guy" Jokes! Bringing in the reflection and tricking it!}}

===Nope, He Doesn't Forgive Mr. Smith===
{{quotebox|28 October 2014
eBay is TERRIBLE! If it was Not the only default place to sell online with the such easy to remember name of eBay, I would take my Selling Business Elsewhere! They place Vulgar Labels of "Below Standard" on sellers, as Withhold Funds from getting into Your Own PayPal Account. I freaking Do Not Like eBay as a Selling Facility! I would give them Only Half a Star out of Five.

Do NOT Sell on eBay if you have not already started doing that already. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>

<nowiki>#eBay</nowiki>
}}

Chris then linked to an ''Animation Domination High Def'' YouTube video called "Every Day is Scary," about the tribulations of adulthood.

{{quotebox|28 October 2014
Yep! And when someone opens a damn case against me, eBay withholding funds from me, artist inspiration running slow, sensory overloads, the darn mind going blank, falling into the Red in my PayPal Bank, impatient greedy sons of b****es, leaving bad feedback sending me "Blow Standard", I need a Direct-to-PayPal selling page, eliminate the middle-man sage...UGH!!! It is All Too Much!

[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaL8JyJIuOA]]}}

But then everything is better again.

{{quotebox|28 October 2014
Spirit Plumber is generous. He has just loaned me some money to get me out of another financial jam that has [message cut off--incomplete]}}

===Chris Hits Up a Gay Bar...Seriously===
Chris dons some purple leggings, a dress made for someone half his size and a floral headband and ruins a Halloween party at the local gay bar.

{{quotebox| 31 October 2014
Groovy 70's Lesbian Chic enjoying the beats at Impulse Gay Social-Club!

#SpiritHalloween
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg]]}}

William Elliot Waterman:
{{quoteboxgreen|
good halloween costume :)}}

Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt:
{{quoteboxred|
Hot damn Christian. What an elegant tom-girl you are.}}

===Club review===
At 10:58pm, probably while he was still at the Impulse Gay Social-Club, Chris helpfully offered a review, giving it four out of five stars:

{{quotebox|31 December 2014
The show tonight has been good; I've enjoyed the ladies here; great views. They could turn the speaker volume down a few decibels; that's what cost them that fifth star from me.}}

==Comments by Chris==

===Britney Spears===
On 1 October, Chris responds to a Facebook comment about [[Britney Spears]] on the website Women'sHealth, regarding an article headline in which Spears says, "I don't think you need a man in this world anymore."
{{quotebox| 1 October 2014

Well, I only Half-Agree with that headline statement. I feel disagreement on that, because to make the traditional couple, a woman and a man; well, he makes up half of it. Plus, Reproduction for Future Generations. And then there is the opposing side in the discussions between the two genders.

I Agree, because, moreover, Most [[JERKS|Males]] in this world are [[Chris and writing|Boring]], [[Honor Roll|Dull]], [[Women's Rights|Mentally Prehisoric]], [[Chris and anger|Immature]], [[Chris and remorse|Inconsiderate of Others, Lack of emotion AND empathy, they don't care]], [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|they like to bully other people]], regardless, and then even worse!

"What are you saying, You're a Male?"

I am a Female and Lesbian Spirit/Soul Trapped in this Assigned Male Body; I am a Full On Lesbian Transgender.

Actually, let me rephrase it: I one-quarter disagree, and three-quarters Agree with that statement!

All of US People need to be able to find self-confidence in ourselves individually; I have found some in myself recently after coming out as a Lesbian Transgender, and mingling with my Lesbian, Transgender and Bisexual peeps in the LGBTQ Community. Although, to feel totally complete, I still feel need for my Sweetheart/Heartthrob/Girlfriend/Partner, who right now is enjoying herself, and hopefully Staying Safe and Well. She is Very Strong Emotionally, and Strong-Willed, Very Smart, and she is Very Sexy and Beautiful in Looks AND Spirit/Soul with her Kind Heart and Everything!

My need for my partner to help complete me, and me to complete her; completing each other, for our basic needs for Emotional Supports and Strengths, may be conflicting to the Self-Confidence Britney Spears is inspiring, but it is just part of Who I Am as an Individual Person.

[[My Little Pony|Friendships Are Most Magical]] for the same Emotional and Strength Supports we all individually require too. And all in all, it is a LOT Better being able to come home to your Sweetheart and Partner, than to have no one at home and feeling most lonely and further depressed. And I feel very sorry for everyone who are not blessed or lucky to have someone at home, Anywhere, who has your heart and soul and well-being under their care, as one would mutually of the other.

Love IS a Battlefield, but the battles are most worth fighting for!

http://whm.ag/1vtl15n}}

This sparked a debate between two of Chris's friends on gender. William asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Why do males not feel empathy?}}

Kim disagreed with Chris:

{{quoteboxred|You're kind of mistaken here. Statistically, there's no difference between men and women in the ways you describe. The problem for you Chris is that, due to your autism, you're not picking up on the more subtle ways females are disparaging you. They're laughing at you too, just in ways you're not picking up. Understand what I'm saying?}}

William responded to Kim:

{{quoteboxgreen|Did you say males are un-subtle?}}

Kim:

{{quoteboxred| I can't really speak for other countries, but there's a trend in the US for women (particularly in high school) to be more subtle. I'm not really commenting on anyone in particular.}}

William:

{{quoteboxgreen|You still go to highschool? How do you know this? I got my high school diploma 9 years ago (in AMURIKA) and the world felt different then.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|I just wanna know why I can't be an empath like all the harry potter fanfiction mary sues with empathy powers.}}

Kim:

{{quoteboxred| I went to high school a while ago. A boy in high school will call you a faggot. A girl in high school will use more elaborate phrasing to insult you, phrasing that Chris would have trouble picking up on.}}

William:

{{quoteboxgreen|What kind of idiot just says "faggot" and expects the other person to care at all?}}

Kim:

{{quoteboxred|Teenagers.}}

Chris finally stepped in:

{{quotebox|If y'all will pause the back and forth for a moment.}}
{{quotebox|I would pick up on such in their tones for sarcasm. I have known More Women to not be mean or sarcastic. I did not say ALL Males were that bad; I said Most of them.

In any case, I speak from my own experiences and understandings. My intentions in my wording were meant to be for good and neutral; I did nor do not mean to imply anything of bigoted or similar nature. I am certainly Not a bad person like that at all.

I was only stating a reasonable set of points and facts in response to what Britney Spears was talking about; No More. End of Story.}}

Kim:

{{quoteboxred|And saying "most" is also incorrect. It's not sarcasm that you can't pick up on, it's deception at all. It's not that you can't pick up on it, it's that it's harder for you to pick up on it. So there's a huge percentage of deceptive practices you're missing.}}

William:

{{quoteboxgreen|You didn't answer my question. "Bad" is not equivalent to "no empathy." Why do you think men don't have empathy? How is that even possible? I couldn't even enjoy a good book without a sense of empathy.}}

But of course, Chris is too stupid for protracted rational argument, and had to bow out:

{{quotebox|I prefer to see the positives in most people anyway; I remain civil and tolerant to everyone, unless they give me reason for ill will at all.

I am painting the medals right now, and my mind is already too riddles to be able to process this dispute further.}}

===Breast Cancer Awareness===
On 1 October 2014, Chris reviewed "Breast Cancer Awareness," giving it five out of five stars.

===UVA LGBTQ Center review===
On 16 October 2014, Chris reviewed the UVA LGBTQ Center, giving it five out of five stars.

===Did he discuss his new piercing?===
On 22 October 2014, Chris noted in his status that he was "Going to Queer Health: Thrive in the Center."

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

Barbara Chandler

2015-01-16T09:10:14Z

Flugplatz89: /* Family and early life */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|she threatens to kill me in her episode [sic] of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1954) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.
===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref>

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, an Internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child. <ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is [[Barbara]]'s former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
</gallery>
</center>
===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>[[Cutco]]</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

It appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb too much. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris at least until [[April 2011]].<ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara occasionally spoons with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances and shit!!!" Consensus was that the so called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

As of June 2014, Barbara was still able to walk at least short distances, and was much slimmer than she had been in the past, no longer the morbidly obese blob that she was several years prior. As of June 2014, her posture and movement suggested that she suffered from osteoarthritis, or some other joint problem. Also, her legs and arms were quite thin and stick-like, as if her muscles had been wasting away from lack of use. This information suggested that Barbara's physical health was continuing to decline as of June 2014. {{cite}}

By August 2014, Chris was again begging for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might kill herself, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/>

Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>; however, "hoarder" may be a more appropriate title. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, which helped make the living room uninhabitable, and generally turn [[14 Branchland Court]] into the fire- and biohazard it is - or rather, [[Destruction Of Chris's House|was]].<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, obstensibly due to the conditions at the Chandler house. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref>

In a May 17, 2011 email to [[Jackie]], Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and threatening to kill him.<ref name="jackie26" />

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Appearances==
===In ''Sonichu''===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in four videos to date as of [[February 2012]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two more videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas from a decade ago.
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

26 December 2014

2014-12-30T09:12:38Z

Flugplatz89: /* Chris's side of the story */

{{Ongoing}}
'''26 December 2014''' was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Once again, Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]], and once again, it involves [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a store]]. This time, though, it doesn't look like he'll get off the hook so easily.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===

[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris moments before the assault.]]

That Chris was in trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris pepper-spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, sporting full [[Tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]] with the purpose of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalising their Sonic Boom merchandise]] (staff said he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of [[Chris and fashion|purple toy sunglasses]] as a [[Honor roll|"disguise"]]. Needless to say, he was recognised by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalise the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the Sonic Boom stuff before leaving, but he eventually left, as seen in the video, commanding the staff to [[Chris and negotiation|"Don't call anybody!"]] as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he pepper-sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed, and the store did not close.

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weening|weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris caused unspecified trouble at JCPenney and Sears, and had some sort of encounter with a [[JERKS|man]] in his car in the parking lot (speculated to be an attempted carjacking, or Chris [[Honor roll|trying to get in the wrong car]] in a moment of blind panic), who also notified the police. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking the building, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also somehow managed to contact Barbara, who had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car (this also marks one of the few times Barb found out what was going on before the trolls did). Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day. For the full story, we may need to wait for Chris's inevitable account at his video court hearing (presuming he's allowed to speak), or on Facebook when he's released, but as always, we'll have to remember that [[Sub-episodes|he'll inevitably twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] and get sympathy out of his [[white knight|white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of the [[CWCki Forums]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point. It's unknown if he's getting along with his sink this time.

[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|left|A hit new [[Netflix]] show rocking the [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

===Aftermath===
A followup call from a [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of [[28 October 2011]]. If the claims by the troll are indeed true, it is likely that Chris will be facing severe legal penalties, as his crime was technically malicious assault, as well as the laws he broke by not only refusing to leave a premise he was banned from but quite possibly also vandalism of their merchandise. That's without factoring in whatever he got up to in JCPenney, Sears or the parking lot.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative (if he pleads not guilty in video court) is out of the question. Chris also probably has more charges against him this time (possibly more serious ones), and they are being filed by a stranger, not [[Michael Snyder|someone who knows him]].

With estimates for Chris's jail sentence ranging from mere days to 5 years, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], perhaps even [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Whether he'll be forced to seek psychiatric help ''once again'' is also in question, and obviously greatly [[Chris and psychology|hoped for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has been forced to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include Snyder deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, the CWCki Forums, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]], and for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's [[white knight|white knights]] were the gift that just kept giving. This would all be well and good if Chris would be grateful for his narrow escapes, and learn to be more cautious next time, but instead, Chris [[Chris and his Ego|simply expects to be bailed out]].

Whatever the outcome, it's doubtful it'll teach Chris anything about how to behave in public. It'll more likely simply resuscitate [[Chris and anger|his old grudge against]] [[Jerkop|police officers]] and [[Manajerks|retail workers]].

On December 29th, it was confirmed that Chris had posted bail and left jail.

== Chris's side of the story ==

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident - aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident - and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[troll|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his Facebook. It's also noteworthy that many of his [[White knight|White Knights]] are pretty abhored by Chris' actions. It seems this time around, everyone is against him, regardless if the post he made has over 225 likes.

In this illuminating tract, Chris is seemingly oblivious to just how self-damning the stuff he's saying is. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their \M/ETAL cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Screenshots ==
<gallery>
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png
</gallery>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = GameStop Assault
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Hoodie
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next =
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''A beep is heard as Chris walks near the camera'']

'''Chris''': [[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, and a family at the counter can be seen in shock at the horror they've just witnessed.'']

'''Employee''' (To customer at register): Twenty-two ten. (Laughs)

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee with pepper spray, who recoils in self-defense.'']

'''Employee''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)

2014-12-20T23:47:50Z

Flugplatz89: /* Great Director's Cut */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}

[[Image:DVDReleaseCut.jpg|thumb|Chris-chan: Because making a homemade DVD about yourself justifies your existence.]]

'''''Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)''''' is [[Chris's]] homemade DVD, featuring various video clips Chris had made before his Internet fame, and also his actual, if meager, TV appearances. Despite its title, very little of the material on the DVD was ever featured on TV.

Chris originally sent copies of the DVD only to a select few people, but nevertheless thought him making the DVD was an [[Chris and his Ego|important enough achievement]] to mention repeatedly in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] and elsewhere. He also believed that people would actually be interested in buying a copy along with other merchandise, and even planned a [[Sony|Blu-ray]] release.<ref>[[3 December 2009]]</ref> Suffice to say, the disc was actually burned with a Magnavox DVD recorder out of material that appears to have been transferred off of VHS tapes, and doesn't actually approach commercial quality, even if it actually had any interesting content that people would actually pay for. Chris possibly thinks that lack of content and video quality that was abysmal to begin with will mysteriously look better when burned on [[Sonichu 10|hi-def]] discs.

Naturally, since this relic was so profoundly ''important'' in Chris's mind, it piqued the curiosity of the trolls, and a copy was eventually obtained by [[LordSillynipples]] by posing as Chris's childhood friend and first crush, [[Tiffany Robinson]].

==Tracklisting==

===''C.W.C. On TV'' Trailer===
To reduce marketing costs, Chris put the trailer for the DVD directly into the DVD. The trailer provides an 8-minute summary of the rest of the features, in case you don't want to melt your brain by actually watching the whole DVD.

===[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|C.W.C. Super Sonic Winner!!!]]===
From 26 February [[1990s#1994|1994]], shortly after Christian's 12th birthday. Local news coverage of him winning a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' contest and earning a $1,000 shopping spree for video games. To date the pinnacle of Christian's entire existence, this event fueled the delusional manchild he is today.

===[[Song of Christian]]===
Filmed on 15 May [[1990s#1998|1998]], when Christian was sixteen. Presented as an episode of ''The Christian Chandler Show'', Christian gives a dramatic reading of a poem he wrote about himself. He then spends twenty minutes explaining the meaning of each line, about fifteen minutes of which is dedicated to him leafing through his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].

===[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' LEGO Raceway Prototype]] Animation===

===[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' LEGO Raceway]] Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera===
Filmed on 4 June [[1990s#1998|1998]].

Hey, do you like ''Mario Kart''? Do you like LEGO Blocks? Do you like stop-motion animation? More importantly, do you like hearing the same fifteen-second clip of music played over and over and over while you watch grainy black-and-white 8-bit footage of LEGO men getting into car wrecks? Then this is the clip for you!

'''SPOILER:''' LEGO Christian wins the race. [[Chris and his Ego|No surprises there.]]

===[[The City of Cwicville Tour!|Unfinished CWCville Tour]]===
Filmed 12 July [[2000s#2001|2001]].

===[[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|OH BOY!]]
Filmed 16 October [[1990s#1999|1999]]. The local news media does a fluff piece on the rise of the ''Pokémon'' fandom, and Chris happens to be among the small children playing the game. Chris being 17 at the time, years older than the playing crowd, is not discussed. This clip provides the DVD cover with its money line:

{{quote|I'll send out my Dragonair, even though it has 60 Damage on it. Oh boy! It has 3 Energy on it... Slam Attack!}}

===Christian Chandler's [[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]===
Filmed 22 November [[2000s#2003|2003]]. An hour-long video of Christian playing ''Animal Crossing''. If the video is any indication, ''Animal Crossing'' is about as exciting to watch as organizing files in Microsoft Windows.

===[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special|C.W.C.'s ''Animal Crossing''/''Mario Paint'' 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]===
Created in honor of [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] Chandler's anniversary, on 7 June [[2004]].

===[[So Need a Cute Girl|"So Need A Cute Girl" Music Video]]===
Filmed 20 [[2004#December|December 2004]]. Music video for the lead single off [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian's debut album]].

===Chris Chan's [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|''Harvey Birdman'' Commercial]]===
Filmed 24 February [[2005]]. Christian enters a contest where the goal is to deliver a creative advertisement for a ''Harvey Birdman'' DVD. He instead blathers on about himself, ''Sonichu'', and Mary Lee Walsh. The time constraints laid out in the contest rules are obvious, as Christian struggles to cram his [[random-access humor]] into a thirty-second soundbite so that he sounds like the Micro Machines man.

===Chris Chan's [[Pixelated PS3]]===
Filmed on 28 November [[2006]]. Christian enters another contest requiring him to shill a product in under a minute, this time a PlayStation 3. To answer the question "What would you do for a PS3?", Chris first explains everything he would like to do but won't (e.g., save up the money and go to a store), and would but can't (forsake a cure for autism), before revealing that he has constructed a PS3 from LEGO blocks and [[Pixelblocks]].

===C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics===
Still images taken from [[1980s#1982|1982]]-[[2007]] with interspersed commentary that gives new insight into Chris's past. The accompanying audio is from the 1998 [[KCWC broadcast]] and his ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'' album.

===[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]===
Filmed 24 February [[2007]]. In celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris delivers an address summarizing the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "ladies and gentlemen and dudes of all teenages."

==Great Director's Cut==
As a way to save face after the DVD was leaked onto the Internet, Chris claimed<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009]]</ref> that the trolls didn't have the "Director's Cut", which includes footage of Chris's [[Christmas]] from [[2004]] and takes from the [[Pixelated PS3]] commercial. The trolls long thought that the "Director's Cut" was just a bluff. That was, until [[December 2014]], when it was revealed that [[Catherine]] acquired a copy, and passed on [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004|a snippet of footage]] that a member of the [[CWCki Forums]] eventually placed on YouTube, thus proving its existence.

He later told [[Regina]] that he has a "Master Copy" with over ''six hours'' of tedious crap.<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref> The fate of this version after the events of [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|10 January 2014]] is unknown.

==Possible Sequel==
In an email to [[Cole]], Chris expresses his intention to create a new DVD "around (his) 50th or sooner"<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>.

==Images from the Physical DVD==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:062-CWCsDVD.jpg|Cover.
Image:DVDReleaseCut.jpg|The cover of the release edition.
Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|And the Director's Cut Edition.
Image:063-1-CWCsDVD Label.jpg|Even DVD labels cannot be spared from the horror.
Image:ChrisDVDCD2.jpg|We asked for a "disc image". The torrent went up later, but this was delivered as a cop-out.
Image:CHRISDVD.jpg|Parental Advisory - VERY HONEST content.
Image:ChrisDVD3.jpg|Chapter menu, complete with Magnavox DVD/VCR styling.
Image:CHRISletter.jpg|Letter to troll who received DVD.
Image:Chrislist1.jpg|''Chandler's List'' - It's like ''Schindler's List'', except you'd want to be sent to a gas chamber.
Image:Chrislist2.jpg|'''Spoiler:''' Most of these people went to school with Chris and probably have no idea who he is.
Image:Chrislist3.jpg|And here's the last page.
Image:Chrispaper1.jpg|"Now I'm even more perverted, sexist, and homophobic."
Image:Chrispaper2.jpg|People who Chris couldn't find pictures of to include - consider yourselves lucky.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/4433832/Christian_Weston_Chandler..._Yep__I_m_On_T.V.___)_DVD DVD Torrent]
* [http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=6581777D1899DCB6 Entire DVD on YouTube.]
* <s>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/dvd/ Contents of DVD slideshow.]</s>
* <s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EL8AHJ8P Slideshow download.]</s>

{{CWC on TV}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

Sweetheart

2014-11-08T20:59:18Z

Flugplatz89: Reworded something to make the "much less" figure work

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of Potential Sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}
A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.
__TOC__
==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded virginity (somewhat accomplished), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "the illustrious metal" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of chaperoned dates, and a trip to a hooker. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself applied generously, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal Pal|Gal Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and <s>don't appear to hate him</s> [[October 2013 Facebook Posts|Never mind]].

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [insert current age] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to reply to this question with a resounding, ''"No!"''

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need. On top of that, he implies a lot that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home and watch after the kids (badly) while his wife goes to work]]. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] found themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust and faith in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] have led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without truly meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children.]] No self-respecting woman will ever put up with that nonsense.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and currently has no plans to strike it out on his own, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards| debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off of his wife instead of looking for work on his own. It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage-material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]], lives in an [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has gone on record by saying he smells like 'rotten watermelons'.

''' 5) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] ''(already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]])'', Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|seriously overweight]]. And let's not get started on a certain medallion he always wore back in the day, which only made him look laughably worse. Long story short, if Chris caught up with the latest trends and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos_Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was, ignoring his obesity for a moment, rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''6) Chris acts like a dork.''' Again, although it sounds shallow, the fact remains that Chris' childish mannerisms can repel women. Take a look at [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this video where he attempts to woo Ivy,]] for example. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient, outdated show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either- he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which can cement in potential sweethearts' minds that he's possibly ''gay.'' (Sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was featured on MTV's Failosophy, where the ''only'' person who would date him was the gay guy.)

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A sad truth about Autism is that some sufferers are very resistant to change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it gets in the way of him getting [[China]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction.

'''8) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He hates homosexuals.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're a ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to be a [[Father Call|"house husband"]] and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook ''(to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a ''friend'' of Chris', points this out.)''

'''9) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Even if a girl was interested, Chris would likely be too afraid to talk back to her. If there was such a girl, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. He barely (if at all) has any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his stubborn personality of holding back on everything in his life (moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, ect.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''10) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be proficient [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but is quite terrible in all of them. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even that he [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|can't get it right]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and a lack of common sense that this [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]]. He can't secure a job ([[Wendy's|or even hold on to the one he actually got]]) because of his personal issues. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, where basic common sense should have told him to stay away. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''11) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, obsessed trolls who follow Chris's every move, and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why [[The Wallflower]] left him - a [[ween]] mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]
*[[Gal Pal]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Sweetheart

2014-10-14T16:34:43Z

Flugplatz89: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of Potential Sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}
A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.
__TOC__
==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded virginity (somewhat accomplished), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "the illustrious metal" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of chaperoned dates, and a trip to a hooker. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself applied generously, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal Pal|Gal Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and <s>don't appear to hate him</s> [[October 2013 Facebook Posts|Never mind]].

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [insert current age] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to reply to this question with a resounding, ''"No!"''

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need. On top of that, he implies a lot that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home and watch after the kids (badly) while his wife goes to work]]. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] found themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust and faith in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] have led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without truly meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children.]] No self-respecting woman will ever put up with that nonsense.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and currently has no plans to strike it out on his own, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards| debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off of his wife instead of looking for work on his own. It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage-material, as he definitely won't be able to support a family, much less himself.

'''4) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]], lives in an [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has gone on record by saying he smells like 'rotten watermelons'.

''' 5) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] ''(already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]])'', Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|seriously overweight]]. And let's not get started on a certain medallion he always wore back in the day, which only made him look laughably worse. Long story short, if Chris caught up with the latest trends and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos_Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was, ignoring his obesity for a moment, rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''6) Chris acts like a dork.''' Again, although it sounds shallow, the fact remains that Chris' childish mannerisms can repel women. Take a look at [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this video where he attempts to woo Ivy,]] for example. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient, outdated show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either- he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which can cement in potential sweethearts' minds that he's possibly ''gay.'' (Sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was featured on MTV's Failosophy, where the ''only'' person who would date him was the gay guy.)

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A sad truth about Autism is that some sufferers are very resistant to change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it gets in the way of him getting [[China]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction.

'''8) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He hates homosexuals.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're a ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to be a [[Father Call|"house husband"]] and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook ''(to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a ''friend'' of Chris', points this out.)''

'''9) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Even if a girl was interested, Chris would likely be too afraid to talk back to her. If there was such a girl, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. He barely (if at all) has any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his stubborn personality of holding back on everything in his life (moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, ect.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''10) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be proficient [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but is quite terrible in all of them. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even that he [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|can't get it right]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and a lack of common sense that this [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]]. He can't secure a job ([[Wendy's|or even hold on to the one he actually got]]) because of his personal issues. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, where basic common sense should have told him to stay away. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''11) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, obsessed trolls who follow Chris's every move, and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why [[The Wallflower]] left him - a [[ween]] mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]
*[[Gal Pal]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Sweetheart

2014-10-11T05:10:43Z

Flugplatz89: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of Potential Sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}
A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.
__TOC__
==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded virginity (somewhat accomplished), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "the illustrious metal" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of chaperoned dates, and a trip to a hooker. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself applied generously, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal Pal|Gal Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and <s>don't appear to hate him</s> [[October 2013 Facebook Posts|Never mind]].

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [insert current age] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to reply to this question with a resounding, ''"No!"''

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need. On top of that, he implies a lot that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home and watch after the kids (badly) while his wife goes to work]]. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] found themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust and faith in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] have led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without truly meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children.]] No self-respecting woman will ever put up with that nonsense.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and currently has no plans to strike it out on his own, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards| debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off of his wife instead of looking for work on his own. It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage-material, as he definitely won't be able to support a family, much less himself.

'''4) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]], lives in an [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has gone on record by saying he smells like 'rotten watermelons'.

''' 5) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] ''(already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]])'', Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|seriously overweight]]. And let's not get started on a certain medallion he always wore back in the day, which only made him look laughably worse. Long story short, if Chris caught up with the latest trends and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos_Chantor|male escort]], his presentation was, ignoring his obesity for a moment, rather presentable and appeared well-groomed.

'''6) Chris acts like a dork.''' Again, although it sounds shallow, the fact remains that Chris' childish mannerisms can repel women. Take a look at [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this video where he attempts to woo Ivy,]] for example. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient, outdated show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either- he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which can cement in potential sweethearts' minds that he's possibly ''gay.'' (Sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was featured on MTV's Failosophy, where the ''only'' person who would date him was the gay guy.)

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A sad truth about Autism is that some sufferers are very resistant to change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it gets in the way of him getting [[China]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction.

'''8) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He hates homosexuals.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're a ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to be a [[Father Call|"house husband"]] and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook ''(to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a ''friend'' of Chris', points this out.)''

'''9) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Even if a girl was interested, Chris would likely be too afraid to talk back to her. If there was such a girl, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. He barely (if at all) has any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his stubborn personality of holding back on everything in his life (moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, ect.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''10) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be proficient [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but is quite terrible in all of them. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even that he [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|can't get it right]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and a lack of common sense that this [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]]. He can't secure a job ([[Wendy's|or even hold on to the one he actually got]]) because of his personal issues. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, where basic common sense should have told him to stay away. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''11) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, obsessed trolls who follow Chris's every move, and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why [[The Wallflower]] left him - a [[ween]] mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]
*[[Gal Pal]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Chris and health

2014-09-26T12:45:03Z

Flugplatz89:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]] up until [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|January 10 2014]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food-lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself four or five days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|ramming stuff]] [[Homos#Evidence that Chris might be gay|in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7|Kacey Call #7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty. He denies it and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]].]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his [[List of Chris's lies|propensity to lie]] and reports from people who have interacted with him suggests otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu]] that he smells good and asks him if he bathed. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that Axe alone can be used to rid of body odor.</ref>

It would appear that Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> In Chris's defense, it should be noted that the clothes that he wears while filming himself are clothes meant to be worn while going outside of the house. Due to not having any of the obligations a man his age is expected to have, it is likely that he spent most of the time between shooting videos at home, possibly wearing pajamas that he may or may not have replaced regularly. It might be that Chris wears outside clothes at home only briefly during the making of videos and takes them off shortly afterwards. If this is the case, the clothes he is seen wearing for several videos in a row were actually worn for not much more than what it took to make the videos in question.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low-quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch—he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris remaining a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] until very recently, and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Whether or not Chris's encounter with a prostitute will affect his self-perception and maturity has yet to be seen. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which means that Chris may soon be forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "Counselor"]]), or risk being imprisoned.

Another mental factor that has affected Chris's overall health is [[stress]]. In August 2013, Chris indicated that the stress he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. It's not unlikely, especially if you take into account Chris's other problems above.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He didn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}