CWCki - User contributions [en]

Scoundrals As Vessels

2011-08-02T11:23:03Z

Fnord: Redirected page to Decepti-Clones

#REDIRECT [[Decepti-Clones]]

McDonald's

2011-04-23T01:13:56Z

Fnord:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|'''Troll:''' How often do you eat at McDonald's? Uh, when do you go there? '''Chris:''' Uh, not very often, I'd say like, uh... You know, two or three times a week.|[[Mumble 8]]}}

[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|[[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Some Shitty Recolour]] enjoys a typical visit to a McDonald's in [[CWCville]].]]

'''[[Wikipedia:McDonald's|McDonald's]]''' is [[CWC|Chris's]] [[restaurant]] of choice. Chris's ideal first [[dating|date]] would take place here. His favorite items are [[Wikipedia:Chicken McNuggets|Chicken McNuggets]]<ref>[[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2_2]]</ref><ref>[[CWC%27s_Diary#March_2]]</ref> and the $1 sweet tea.<ref>[[Mailbag 28]]</ref>

Chris met the real life [[B-Manajerk]] in a [[Wal-Mart]] McDonald's.

Chris's preference for McDonald's is symbolic of his conflict with [[Bob Chandler|his dad]], who prefers [[Burger King]].

===Possible cause for health problems===
[[Image:RonaldWTF.png|thumb|Ronald McDonald reading ''[[Sonichu]]''.]]
Chris's [[Chris and health|inactive lifestyle and constant consumption of McDonald's]] may contribute to his growing [[obesity]], as well as his [[Wikipedia:Hypercholesterolemia|hypercholesterolemia]]. The number of times Chris claims to eat food from McDonald's, two or three times a week, is equivalent to going about 130 times a year. At this rate of consumption, Chris will likely develop [[Chris and health|serious medical problems]]. It's possible that he might develop [[Wikipedia:heart disease|heart disease]] or [[Wikipedia:Diabetes mellitus type 2|diabetes mellitus type 2]] in the near future if he continues to live the way he does. The likelihood of him passing away before the age of fifty due to heart attack or [[Wikipedia:Stroke|stroke]] increases each month. It also doesn't help that he doesn't seem to realize just how bad [[fast food]] is. He mentioned once that ordering a chicken salad is healthier, which is a common misconception.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref> Salads at most restaurants, especially fast food chains, come with high-calorie dressing and fried chicken or taco filling, which makes the salad worse than a hamburger; also, the chicken is most likely pumped with hormones before being slaughtered, processed, and shipped. Let's not forget to mention that he drinks the sweet tea, which likely also contains high-fructose corn syrup, and he probably eats french fries with his meals.

==Conflict with Kacey==
During Chris's abortive attempt to win over [[Kacey]] as his [[sweetheart]], at her behest he made a feeble effort to clean up his act as far as exercise and eating right. One of Kacey's particular demands was that Chris quit eating fast food, an expectation he almost entirely failed to live up to. During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey and her father]], he claimed to have cut down to one McDonald's trip per week at best, and even that was unquestionably a lie.

Since Kacey's marriage to [[Liquid Chris]] in mid-[[November 2009]], the McNuggets have almost certainly resumed their steady march down Chris's bottomless gullet.

==In the comics==
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|"Have some fistfull fries!"]]
* There is a McDonald's in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
* [[Sub-Episodes]] [[Sub-Episode_4#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|#4]] and [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_5:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack_part_2.22|#5]] take place in "the city of M-C-Dville, of the region of [[Mal-Wart]]."
* A McDonald's ripoff, CWCee Dees (pronounced like "Quicky Dee's") appears in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], where it seems to be a popular place to go on a date. [[Punchy]] took [[Layla]] there on their first date.

==McDonald's Monopoly 2009==
Chris began stuffing his fat fucking face full of this shit since the [[Wikipedia:Monopoly (board game)|''Monopoly'']] [[2009]] promotion started. He claimed to not care about it in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video]], only to [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Results|create more accounts later and enter 65 codes from purchased goods]].

===Account I (October 6 - October 20)===
52 codes (43 of them from purchased things)

*52. St. Charles Place
*51. Oriental Avenue
*50. Baltic Avenue
*49. Park Place
*48. Marvin Gardens

===Account II (October 21)===
11 codes (10 of them from purchased things)

*11. Park Place
*10. North Carolina Avenue
*9. Illinois Avenue
*8. Community Chest (2)
*7. Oriental Avenue

===Account III (October 22 - October 23)===
7 codes (6 of them from purchased things)

*7. Park Place
*6. Community Chest (3)
*5. Illinois Avenue
*4. New York Avenue
*3. Electric Company

===Account IV (October 23 - October 28)===
8 codes (6 from purchased things)

*8. Reading Railroad
*7. Luxury Tax
*6. North Carolina Avenue
*5. [[Wikipedia:Baltimore and Ohio Railroad|B. & O. Railroad]]
*4. [[Wikipedia:Pennsylvania Railroad|Pennsylvania Railroad]]

==McCosplay==
[[File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|thumb|Chris as the Hamburglar, [[Chris and cosplaying|apparently.]]]]
[[File:Grimace.jpg|thumb|At least it hides his tits.]]
In the beginning of [[October 2010]], Chris apparently remembered [[Jackie]] telling him that she liked his [[cosplay]] videos. Following a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|controversial cosplay video]] over two weeks before, Chris decided to continue his act with McDonald's characters.

His first McDonaldland act was [[100 2265|the Hamburglar]], where he [[CWCFlyingElephants|ran around his room acting batshit crazy]], wearing a BDSM costume that looked nothing like the Hamburglar whatsoever.

The next day, Chris attempted to cosplay [[100 2266|Grimace]]. [[Chris and art|Needless to say]], the Grimace costume he made was beyond recognition. Whilst wearing the costume, he delivered a speech about [[autism]] and bullying before breaking out into song. It is likely that Chris got this idea from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' in which [[Wikipedia:Lois Griffin|Lois]] dresses up as [[Wikipedia:The Grimace|The Grimace]] - Peter responds with a comment that Grimace is autistic himself.

{{Lists}}
{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Places]]

Wes Iseli

2011-02-26T21:30:52Z

Fnord:

[[Image:WesIseli2.jpg|thumb|Wes Iseli]]
{{quote|Wes is a magician and regretfully, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah's]] boyfriend. Because of this, Christian is very jealous and dislikes him much.|[[:Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg|Wes Iseli ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}
'''Wes Iseli''' (pronounced [wɛs ˈaɪzli])<ref>[[Mumble 4]], around 22 minutes in</ref> [[Emily|briefly dated]] [[Sarah Hammer]], Chris's long-time [[gal-pal]]. Wes is a magician in real life (available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and [[Michael Snyder|bar mitzvahs]]) and is currently married to another woman.

Although [[trolls]] have been trying to contact Wes ever since they found his various online accounts, he hasn't offered any official statements on [[Chris]] or his involvement in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comics]]. Apparently, he doesn't feel the need to talk shit about some guy he barely knew just because he was jealous of Wes's relationship with an ex-girlfriend of his.

==Wes Iseli in the comic==
[[Image:Sonichu05-P12.jpg|right|thumb|Wes-Li Sonichu apparently grows to about 20 feet tall, does an [[Wikipedia:Edward G. Robinson|Edward G. Robinson]] impression, and kidnaps [[Sarah Hammer]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]]]
Wes Iseli (later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] as "'''Walter Grisby'''") is one of the chosen three of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], alongside [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Sarah Hammer]]. Wes learned that he was the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], and must take revenge upon the Cherokee's descendant, Chris. Wes, knowing of Chris' jealousy, accepts. So the two fight, and Wes almost wins until Sarah appears and breaks up with him. He then unites with Chris and Sarah to defeat the [[Wikipedia:Golem|golem]] made by [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

He appears again later to kidnap Sarah via magic at her wedding. Chris then beats Wes up ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' style, and Sarah thanks Chris.

===Fictional character biography===
In [[2003]] Wes Iseli was dating [[Sarah Hammer]], and so he met her "friend," Christian Chandler. Christian was immediately jealous of Wes, and in a development that sure sounds plausible, Wes became equally fixated on Chris, even though Chris had nothing he wanted. As Sarah and Wes's relationship progressed, they drifted away from Christian.

Their paths would cross when [[Sonichu]] discovered the Anchuent Prophecy and Christian used his [[medallion]] to activate the anchuent powers of the Cherokee and Wasabi clans, which would be bestowed on the reincarnations of the Cherokee chief, his queen, and his Wasabi rival. Wes received a vision of what appeared to be a nine-year-old wearing a robe and wizard hat (presumably the Wasabi chief), explaining the powers of the Fireshock Pendant and imploring him to use it to seek revenge on Chris-chan.

[[File:WesIseliAsperchu.jpg|thumb|left|Suffice to say, Wes Iseli was much more badass in ''[[Asperchu]]''.]]

Now possessing the memories of his past life, Wes-Li attacked Christian and Sonichu not only over their own bad blood but that of their past lives—specifically the [[Wasabi]]s' desire to obtain the [[Cherokian crown]]. The two battled in their [[Electric Hedgehog]] forms, and as usual Christian was very nearly defeated until a third party arrived to save him; [[Saramah]] attacked Wes-Li to stop the fight and make peace between them.

Saramah immediately broke up with Wes-Li upon seeing his cruelty toward her friend, which left Wes-Li unmotivated to battle [[Count Graduon]]. However, with some prompting from Chris-Chan he held up his end of the prophecy and Graduon was finally defeated. Wes-Li refused to look his fellow Hedgehogs in the eye as Chris transported them back home from [[CWCville]].

Wes would continue to obsess over Sarah Hammer up to the day of her wedding to [[William Spicer]]. Using his Wes-Li form, he stormed the chapel to abduct Sarah, but Chris-Chan valiantly rescued her with help from [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi]].

Iseli was briefly seen attending the conference of villains following Christian's disappearance into the [[Time Void|time void]].

===Wes-Li Sonichu===
[[File:FlameSnipers.jpg|thumb|right|Wes-li's Flame Sniper (left) compared to Sailor Mars' Flame Sniper (right).]]
Wes-Li Sonichu (pronounced [wɛzlaɪ], "Wez-lie", according to Chris's [[videobooks]], and as "Wesley" according to the [[Audiobooks]]) is the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] form of Wes Iseli when he is transformed by the Fireshock Pendant empowered by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Although the prophecy foretold that Wes-Li, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan]], and [[Saramah Rosechu|Saramah]] would work together to defeat [[Count Graduon]], Wes's spitefulness toward Chris and his bitterness at having been rejected by [[Sarah Hammer]] would lead him to use his powers for evil.

Wes-li's attack is Flame Sniper, where he has a bow and arrow made from fire. The name and attack itself are another rip off from [[Sailor Moon]].

Prior to the retcon, Wes-Li was a passable pun. With the name change, it makes absolutely no sense that a person named "Walter Grisby" would have an alter ego that does not resemble his name in any way - unless one knows the background of this character.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:290-ACWes.jpg
Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg
Image:292-ACWesLi.jpg
Image:293-ACWesLiBck.jpg
Image:294-YuWesLi.jpg|'''Yu-Gi-OH SHIIII!''
Image:295-WesLi.jpg|Flame on, bitch!
Image:296-FireshockPendant.jpg|Fireshock Pendant
Image:140-AJerk.jpg|Chris, ripping himself off.
</gallery>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://partymagic.50megs.com/ Old magic site]
* [http://wesiseli.com/ New magic site]
* [http://www.youtube.com/wesleyiseli YouTube account]
* [http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1205570207 Facebook]

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Iseli, Wes}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!

2011-01-21T20:49:10Z

Fnord:

{{quote|Surfshack Tito started this Lingering Heartache Chaos! I will take him down Personally!|Chris, blaming someone's else for [[The Wallflower|his mistakes]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|again]].}}

[[File:Chrischanpantsu.jpg|thumb|left|I see London, I see <s>France</s> Greece, I see Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]!]]
[[File:FatBastardChris.jpg|thumb|A model of Chris in his kilt]]

'''Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!''' was uploaded by Chris early in the morning of 14 [[March 2010]]. Chris is angry with [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]], blaming him for causing a rift between Chris and [[The Wallflower]]. He then proceeds to threaten Tito by showing him his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|underwear]], shouting in such a bad Scottish accent that it's [[Racism|insulting]], and being completely incompetent with a [[Pocket knife|knife]].

==Analysis==

It should also be noted that seeing as Chris is annoyed that the personal details of the Wallflower have been leaked to the internet, it would only make sense in his continuing parade of [[fail]] that he should drop her name. ''Twice''. Furthermore, the very next video he released features her '''FREAKING PEN NAME IN THE TITLE''', which is exactly how the trolls identified her in the first place.

He also refers to the English as "Brits", when, in fact, Britain encompasses England, Scotland and Wales.

Note that the [[medallion]] is still missing, but his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] makes an appearance at the end of the video.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dFeGkOvXOj8}}
| Stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy
| Saga = {{Surfshack Tito}} Surfshack Tito
| Shirt = {{TanWideLines}} Tan Wide Lines
| previous = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
| next = [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
}}

{{quote|Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me lassy today.}}

===Transcript===

[''[[Wikipedia:Ireland's Call|Ireland's Call]] is playing on the background.'']

Tito! Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Your- your days are numbered. I have forwarded your admission... to... Heather, and also the awesome gal-pal that we know between us, our [[Chris's Big Night Out II|Scarlet]]. And with great honor and glory, I will take pleasure in [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|beatin' up your ass]]! ...And also... regain th- regain the love... and trust and friendship... of [[The Wallflower|Heather]].

Either way, you are going down, Tito, one way- [''Chris does a horrifyingly [[CWC Fighter|high kick]] wherein [[Butt_garments|we can see his underwear quite clearly]].''] Two ways... [''He then fiddles with a knife for a good eight seconds.''] ...or three! [''He puts the knife on a desk off screen.'']

[''Chris begins badly imitating a Scottish accent and standing effeminately with one hand on his hip.''] Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|lassy]] today. [''Chris comes closer to the camera and diverges into an accent somewhere between Scottish and Jamaican.''] I kick yo' ass with me shillelagh! [''He fails to produce a shillelagh.''] [''Chris then holds up his right fist to display his [[high school ring]].''] And mah ring, man!

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Surfshack Tito]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Don't Mess With Me]]|nextlink=[["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-14]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-14]]

Shinyehameha

2010-12-31T06:21:41Z

Fnord: Redirected page to Curse-ye-ha-me-ha

#REDIRECT [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]

Sonichu (character)

2010-08-13T03:51:57Z

Fnord:

''This page is about Christian Weston Chandler's TRUE and ORIGINAL fail OC, Sonichu.'' 
''For other uses of Sonichu that also fail, see [[Sonichu (disambugation)]]''

{{Quote|Do not fear, world, for I am a new pokemon. And my name is….Sonichu!|Sonichu, the [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|Genesis of the Lovehogs]]}}

{{quote|Sonichu is Copyrighted and Mine Alone. Do Not Steal.|Chris, "Sonichu" [[CWCipedia]] article}}

[[Image:SonichuOriginal.jpg|thumb|ORIGINAL CHARACTER (DO NOT STEAL)]]

'''Sonichu''' (born 17 March [[1988]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu</ref>) is the magnum opus of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. He is an uncreative combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]], and he is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and zaps to the extreme.

Sonichu's species, [[sonichu (species)|sonichu]], evolves from a [[sonee]], and can evolve into either [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]. (Even though the original Sonichu evolved from Pikachu, which just makes the ''Sonichu'' [[comic]] even more pointless and confusing.)

More recently, Sonichu can be found pounding [[Rosechu]]'s [[china|tom-tom]] and beating the living shit out of [[Jerkops|authority figures]].

==Creation and development==

[[Image:TheFirstSonichu.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing of Sonichu, circa [[2000]], from one of Chris's homemade Pokémon cards<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>]]
[[Image:042-CWC'sFavoriteHits.jpg|thumb|The CD cover in question, [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth]]</ref>]]

Chris revealed on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth|fail Wikipedia page]] that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class with Miss Chalifoux. In March [[2000]], Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being ridiculously simple, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:

{{quote|Then it dawned on me at that moment after lunch, much like the random creation of Bionic the Hedgehog during Basketball Practice in my Freshman Year, Sonichu just bursted right into my imagination. A blur at first, but then it all became more clear and came together very well. So, as swiftly as the creation of Bionic, I drew Sonichu on paper from imagination, then I drew him on my currently open Photoshop program. 

After checking with Miss. Chalifoux and my father, who is BIG on copyrights and whatnot; SONICHU WAS LEGAL THEN, and STILL IS and ONLY MINE! So, soon after, the CD-Cover was made, printed and Passed with an A+ Grade. :D |Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation]</ref>}}

Thus, an [[Internet]] legend, Sonichu, was born.

Chris created the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]] five months later, in August [[2000]]. A few drawings of Sonichu appeared on the site, mostly on homemade Pokemon cards and other various and sundry shit.

The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Sonichu #0]]. The comic was completed and released in 2005, '''five years after Sonichu's conception''' (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out!).

Sonichu's character design has slightly changed since Chris scrawled the first poorly drawn Sonichu. Due to [[Megan]]'s influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet [[china]]), Sonichu took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for nearly a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the drawing skills of a 6-year-old. Perhaps constant [[mass debating|masturbation]] leaves his hands sore, numb and useless.

==Fictional character biography==

{{quote|Yellow electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original and one-and-only, he runs faster than the speed of sound. When danger is near, he will slice and zap it up.|Sonichu's background, [http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm Sonichu's News Dash #2]}}

Sonichu came from a "freshly hatched" Pichu that eventually evolved into a Pikachu, who "grazed, survived and had fun."

{{quote|A Pok'emon Watcher saw this one making out with a Jigglypuff once or twice. WILD.|Chris, [[CWCipedia]]}}

[[Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Making Out.jpg|thumb|Awww]]
[[Image:CWCsonichuduck.JPG|thumb|Ewww]]

One day the city of [[Station Square]] was under siege by the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]], and Sonic the Hedgehog attempted to battle the creature. While using the six [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic, Sonic bumped into the Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic. After dispatching with the Perfect Chaos Monster, and being mistaken for Sonic, the newly evolved Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of [[Pokémon]]: Sonichu.

While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering [[Rosechu]] in the woods he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, [[Kel]]. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from [[Naitsirhc]] at [[CWCville Mall]], Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. CWCville's mayor, Christian Weston Chandler, congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his [[Love Quest]].

Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]] used to create [[Black Sonichu]]. Black Sonichu was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and [[Metal Sonichu]] to rescue Rosechu, who later met [[Amy Rose]].

One day, while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious [[Cherokian]] chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], which reveals that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretells of the release of an [[Count Graduon|ancient evil]]. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], which transformed him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], the reincarnation of the head of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. [[Saramah Rosechu]], the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokemon created by the same effect that created himself and Rosechu. Sonichu led this newly formed [[Chaotic Combo]] into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.

One day, Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall when Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform with his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|twin sister]] into [[Chrs-Chan Pure]]. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.

After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] from [[1990s#1996|1996]]. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.

One day, after having hours of sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website [[4-cent garbage.com]] spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis--pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-Cent Garbage building to confront [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.

During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing. Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's [[duck]].

==Characteristics and personal life==

[[Image:Original-chrischan-rosechu-trap.jpg|thumb|MY ASS HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FIRE!]]

Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing, and chillin'. He enjoys outdoors activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.

Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a Sonichu cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone.<ref>Mumble chat{{cite}}</ref>

He is deeply in love with his [[sweet-bolt]], Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at 14 Brunchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024-1982. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or [[Sonichu 8|vomits profusely]]. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|abusive behind closed doors]].

[[Image:Lolmarriage.png|thumb|left|"Christ almighty, I zap to the extreme all fucking day, can't I have a goddamn can of [[Reeb]] and watch TV, woman?"]]

Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal [[Chris and religion|sin]], Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today</ref> (a possible [[retcon]] by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves ''over'' their wedding rings and keeping their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three children]] — Cerah (potentially named after [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Sarah Jackson]], [[PandaHalo]] or [[Sarah May]]; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]]), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the [[Wikipedia:Flowers_in_the_Attic|attic like so many flowers]]. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as [[Wild Sonichu]] could truly survive in our harsh world.

Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the ''Sonichu'' series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When [[Giovanni]] asked him between loyalty to [[Reldnahc]] and make him into the mayor of CWCville, or let Rosechu to live, obviously, he chose Christian instead of Rosechu without hesitation.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:SchuComic9P82.jpg</ref> Like father, like son.

==Sexual prowess==
When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily 7 inches long, and often ruptures the [[raincoat|condoms]] he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu. Chris has also given very intense details to Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Biology</ref>
 

==Powers and abilities==

[[Image:SonichuStats.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu's stats. You know, for all the people who give a damn.]]

Aside from the obvious super-speed transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. His special attacks include:

* Sky Uppercut (punch to the head from below)
* Mega Kick (a, um, kick)
* Double Team (the attacker creates the illusion that there are, uh, three attackers)
* Spin Dash (attacker spins in mid-air, hurtling directly at victim)
* Zap Cannonball (attacker aims a projectile at victim)
* Iron Tail ( attacker swings his tail at the victim)
* Mud Slap (attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes)

Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while Christian takes over the story.

Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and [[Blake]] are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in [[Sonichu 1]] seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually ''slower'' than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 KM/H, which translates to roughly lower than 125 MPH, much slower than Sonic, who can hit Mach 1 unaided (so far, the best SEGA has been able to show in-game is around 300 MPH in Sonic Unleashed). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 RPMs, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze.

Thus, Sonichu fails as a Sonic ripoff.

==Sonichu as a Mary Sue==
[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|He's not [[gay]]]]

One of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew [[trolls]] to Chris, aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, is that Sonichu is a ''Mary Sue'' unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.

When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is fast, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.

A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in [[Sonichu 8]], during the battle with [[4-cent_garbage.com]], where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg
Image:067-SonichuStats.jpg|More than you ever wanted to know about Sonichu's stats.
Image:069-SchuGlasses.jpg|Even Sonichu wears [[Pedo-Glasses]]!
Image:070-SchuVsBchu.jpg|SONICHU VS. [[Blake|NIGRACHU]] FIGHT!
Image:072-SchuRchuDisco.jpg|Fun fact: Chris would never actually go into a disco because it's too [[tobacky|smokey]] and [[alcohol|drunky]] for his tastes.
Image:073-SchuRchuCmas.jpg|Watch out Sonichu, it's Black Sonichu!
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|HE'S A STREET SMART COP WITH 20 YEARS ON THE FORCE! HE'S A ROOKIE OUT OF ACADEMY! TOGETHER, THEY DELIVER JUSTICE. COMING THIS SUMMER.
Image:111-CWCSchuRchu.jpg|Chris, marveling at his creation where either Sonichu is holding a minidisc version of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] or an unfortunate licensed [[raincoat|condoms]] with album art on them.
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|Yes, even Chris's game consoles have Sonichu on them, like his PSP.
Image:112-NDSonichu2.jpg|Even for your DS!
Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|Chris and Sonichu are keeping an eye on you, [[Evan]]. FIND YOUR OWN VIDEO GAME FRANCHISES TO INFRINGE UPON!
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:167-SchuCard1.jpg
Image:168-SchuCard2.jpg|That's right, he made a reverse foil card with actual tin foil.
Image:169-CWCsSchu1.jpg
Image:170-DarkSchu.jpg
Image:171-SurfingSchu.jpg
Image:172-SnowSchu.jpg
Image:173-CWCsSchu2.jpg
Image:174-SchuCard3.jpg
Image:175-SchuBday.jpg
Image:176-SchuCard4.jpg
Image:177-RaceSchu.jpg
Image:178-ShineSchu.jpg
Image:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg
Image:180-SchuRchu.jpg
Image:181-SchuCard5.jpg
Image:182-SchuCard6.jpg
Image:183-SchuCard7.jpg
Image:184-SonichuEX.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:189-YuSchu.jpg|Yu-Gi-Oh!
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg|A proposed site logo idea that was rejected for not being bad enough. Also, Sonichu's smiling because he's gonna rape her within seconds.
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|<s>Freddy Mercury</s> Sonichu, noted guitarist in Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|And his GBA
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|(with layout so you can instantly make it worthless)
Image:206-SonichuPose.jpg|Very intimidating...
Image:228-SchuGrafiti.JPG|Spoiler: either that was an abandoned building nobody gave a shit about or it was a wall that was going to be demolished immediately anyway.
Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|Really? Of all the things going on campus, you had to go with asking Chris about Sonichu?
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu with Rosechu, in [[Pixelblocks]] form.
Image:snowchu.gif|Nothing is safe.
Image:0510-CWCNote9.jpg|DVD notes
Image:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|In ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu}}
{{Fan art|chris=Sonichu_(fanart)|linkname=Sonichu}}
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu (disambugation)|All other uses of that damn "Sonichu" word]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Medallions of Fail]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Sega

2010-06-24T18:36:40Z

Fnord: Redirected page to Video games

#REDIRECT [[Video games]]

Curseyehameha

2010-06-18T01:46:32Z

Fnord: Redirected page to Curse-ye-ha-me-ha

#REDIRECT [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]

Common Questions

2010-06-15T00:26:21Z

Fnord:

In late [[December 2009]] the [[CWCipedia]] [[Mailbag|Mailbags]] gained a new subsection, a series of short questions allegedly asked by many people who had written to Chris. Chris was surprisingly diligent about answering all of these '''Common Questions''' with every new mailbag. The answers, unsurprisingly, were erratic at best. Sometimes Chris provided far too much information, and other times he would provide a single word in response when a longer answer would have been expected. On occasion, he would change the text in the question itself to suit his needs, a practice of editing he'd been using in the mailbags since day one.

All of his answers have been compiled here, arranged by the date on which he answered them.

==28 December 2009==

*'''Q: Have you ever read any books on how to go about creating [[art]]? E.G. Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, The Elements of Style, How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way, On Writing, or things like internet tutorials?'''
::A: [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|I have read such books]], and I have taken many arts classes too.

*'''Q: If you were a director [[A CWC Audition|in Hollywood]], what kinds of films would you make?'''
::A: Action/Steamy ([[Chris and English|Striaght]]) Romance

*'''Q: You said you read [[R.L. Stine]] books when you were in high school. What kind of books do you read now? "Literary" fiction? Genre, like mystery or horror or science fiction? Nonfiction?'''
::A: I read less books now, although the last book I read was Pamela Anderson's Star.

*'''Q: Have you considered creating non-[[Sonichu]] comics or stories?'''
::A: Yes, and the ideas are still in my head.

*'''Q: Have you ever accepted and used constructive criticism in your comics? Or do you blow off anything anyone says that is slightly negative, even if their intentions are to help you improve your art?'''
::A: I have accepted and used ideas and criticism one such example was the [[Sonichu Fan Promo|Sonichu Animations from YouTube User: Timmys1984]]; it was very good, yet the lines were wrong originally. At least I have set that record straight in my [[Sonichu 9|9th Book]].

*'''Q: Why do you steal jokes from so many other sources (i.e. [[Family Guy]] and [[Excel Saga]]) and put it in your comics? It isn't very original and you can't come up with an original concept if all the humor in your comics is stolen.'''
::A: Like Family Guy, Simpsons, Excel Saga, and even [[South Park]], taking jokes is of acceptable practice; it works when the author is short on original jokes, and wants to fill in a good one. Everybody does it. "Simpsons Did It."

*'''Q: Describe your artistic process. How do you get inspiration for ideas for your comics? What goes through your head when you draw and color your comics?'''
::A: I get the idea beforehand in random thought/imagination/dream, get pen and paper and write/draw it out. A lot goes through my head, and it is hard for me as a [[Chris and his Ego|creative genius]] to remember it all on-the-spot verbatim.

*'''Q: We all know you have [[autism]], but exactly what type do you have? There are multiple types on the spectrum.'''
::A: High-Functioning Autism.

*'''Q: What do you plan to do after you have found your true [[sweetheart]] and had your daughter [[Crystal]]?'''
::A: I will live my family life as I had dreamed and waited for hapily.

*'''Q: What would you do if either of you turned out to be infertile?'''
::A: That is just plain stupid; I am VERY Fertile; Certified in the Medical Clinic, and I would make sure my woman has not hit Menopause yet.

*'''Q: What would you do if you found your sweetheart, fell in love with her, married her, but she could only give birth to male children?.'''
::A: It is a 50/50 chance among all women; I trust God to come through in his promise as he has told me before. I will keep trying though; I am not King Henry VIII.

*'''Q: Aside from creating Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] and excluding your future accomplishment of getting a true sweetheart and having your daughter Crystal, what is your greatest accomplishment in life and why?'''
::A: Graduating High School and College; I have learned a LOT and met the requirements; it's all good.

*'''Q: What are your top five priorities in life and why?'''
::A: 1) Good [[Health]] - Who wants to be ill or sick? 2) Happiness - I don't like being sad. 3) [[Love]] - I want to feel loved and appreciated by my closest ones. 4) Projects/Job - It gives me something to do. 5) [[Money]] - It does not make the world go around, but everyone wants it to feel like they are getting something out of a deal.

*'''Q: If you were made the absolute leader of the entire world for a day and your word was taken as law, what sorts of things would you do to make the world a better place?'''
::A: [[Chris and reality|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples]], leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All [[gays]] would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.

*'''Q: What about fucking [[sex toys|sex dolls]], [[masturbating]], drawing smut? Isn't this all forbidden for true Christians?'''
::A: It is not forbidden; that would be the Jews who are against those things, and I am not Jewish, and I respect them as [[Michael Snyder | individual people.]]

*'''Q: Contrary to what you stated in issue 8, the age of consent in most of the United States is BELOW 18 (17 or 16). What is your opinion on this?'''
::A: I understand that SOME states have that law, and I feel that it is good; [[Pedofork|it broadens the range by one or two years, so one would feel lest restricted]].

*'''Q: What would you say is the most romantic thing you have ever done with or to a woman?'''
::A: [[Creepy_stare|Sensual, emotionally-linked eye-contact]].

*'''Q: We've been hearing about your creations becoming more and more popular amongst the gay community. What are your thoughts on this?'''
::A: Firstly, their perspectives of my work are flawed; they misunderstand some points, and I do not care for that at all; It is a STRAIGHT Comic; [[Homos]]exuality Lifestyle is HEAVILY DISCOURAGED and DETESTED. Second, I really feel hatred in them placing MY characters in their events WRONGFULLY, even in... [[It's UGH!|UGH!!!]]... pride parades and essays promoting their lifestyle. All of My Sonichus and Rosechus Are Straight! And I Am Straight! DO NOT SAY OTHERWISE, Because It is Mislabeling; it is Very Wrong, and I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT AT ALL.

*'''Q: Do you plan to give an ending to Sonichu's story?'''
::A: [[Chris and reality|No]].

*'''Q: Do Sonichu and Rosechu have full names (that is, two-part names, like all other [[Sonichus]] and [[Rosechus]])? If so, what are they?'''
::A: No, they are the very first Sonichu and Rosechu, so they do not have such names.

*'''Q: Will Eevails, or possibly some other Tails-like creature, appear in your comic?'''
::A: No.

==31 December 2009==

*'''Q: What do you think about people harassing others over PlayStation home?'''
::A: I do not like it at all.

*'''Q: What are the 5 worst movies you have ever <s>seen</s> heard of and would never ever watch in your entire life?'''
::A: [[Homos|Brokeback Mountain, Borat, Bruno, Crying Game, Krull]].

*'''Q: What are the 5 worst TV shows you have ever <s>seen</s> heard of and would never ever watch in your entire life?'''
::A: I am unsure.

''Note: Chris added the strikeouts himself.''

*'''Q: What are the 5 worst video games you have ever played?'''
::A: I am unsure.

*'''Q: What are the 5 best movies you have ever seen?'''
::A: [[Mary Poppins]], All Transformers Movies, Both Ghostbuster Movies, All Saw Movies, The [[Christian Weston Chandler|40-Year Old Virgin]].

*'''Q: What are the 5 best TV shows you have ever seen?'''
::A: Transformers (ALL Seasons and Sets), Sonic the Hedgehog (All Shows), Pok'emon (All Seasons), Mythbusters, Filmation's Ghostbusters (Little Care for "The Real Ghostbusters"; Jake, Eddie and Tracy WERE THE ORIGINAL REAL GHOSTBUSTERS).

*'''Q: What are the 5 best video games you have ever played?'''
::A: All [[Sonic|Sonic the Hedgehog Titles]], [[LittleBiGPlanet]] (PS3 AND PSP), All Guitar Hero Titles, All Animal Crossing Titles, All Pok'emon Titles.

*'''Q: Have you read classic comics like: A Contract With God, Maus, Watchmen, or The Sandman?'''
::A: Superman, Spider-Man and the like.

*'''Q: Could you mention any specific titles or series of comics you have read (besides Sonic the Hedgehog)?'''
::A: Superman, Spider-Man and the like.

*'''Q: What's your creative process like?'''
::A: Random, Extensive, Tough to Comprehend sometimes...

*'''Q: How do you go about creating each comic--do you do storyboards or scriptwriting beforehand?'''
::A: Mental Storyboards and Scriptwriting, but I do write some of it out on paper.

*'''Q: How far in advance do you plan the story?'''
::A: About weeks to months in advance.

*'''Q: Besides Sonic, Pokemon, and your daily struggles, what inspires your writing and art?'''
::A: [[Things Chris has ripped off|Other shows, comics, video games]], and most importantly my [[Evan|Fans]]. :)

*'''Q: Did any specific comic book inspire you to create your own?'''
::A: I'd say the Sonic the Hedgehog Comic Book Series

*'''Q: Why comics as opposed to short stories/novels?'''
::A: I enjoy drawing, and I feel better with having pictures to associate the words with.

*'''Q: Would you ever consider getting a massage?'''
::A: Yes, from Women Only.

*'''Q: What is your purpose in life?'''
::A: Does anyone really know their own ONE TRUE purpose in life? We mostly are supposed to live one moment and day at a time as best we can to make us individually feel satisfied and at peace.

*'''Q: Do you believe in an afterlife?'''
::A: [[Chris and Religion#Afterlife|Yes]].

*'''Q: What do you think happens after we die?'''
::A: Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and [[Chris and Religion|possibly Reincarnation]].

==01 January 2010==

*'''Q: Where do you think you'll go after you die and why do you think that will be the case?'''
::A: I do my best and what I can to end up in Heaven, I do a lot of good deeds.

*'''Q: You follow the Bible rigorously and believe homosexuality will send you to Hell. However, the Bible says that having unmarried sex will send you to Hell as well. Explain your reasonings you choose to ignore God's word and not waiting until after marriage but instead "after the 3rd date".'''
::A:Those more strict rules apply to the Jewish, especially the book of Leviticus. I am a Christian Methodist, and as long as we feel comfortable and happy with our lives, if the Christian individual feels comfortable with [[Chris and sex|premarital sex]], then it is cool.

*'''Q: Can you justify your anti-homosexuality? How exactly?'''
::A: Yes; the Homos I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.

*'''Q: Why does Rosechu wear clothes while Sonichu does not? Additionally, why are Lolisa, DJ Jamsta, and Rosechu the only Sonichus and Rosechus who wear clothing?'''
::A: Well, Why does Cindy [[Bear]] not wear clothes? Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants yet Sonic and Donald Duck do not? Why does Daisy Duck wear ONLY a Top, yet Minnie Mouse wears a skirt? IT'S A CARTOON; WHO CARES?!

*'''Q: Are the Sonichu comics still aimed at children? If so, what age group?'''
::A: Yes, [[pedofork|Ages 7 and Up]].

*'''Q: I am really interested in your Lego CWCville, could you please draw an elaborate map of it for me?'''
::A: One Day, I will draw a map, although it is similar to the City of Cwcville, VA.

==05 January 2010==

*'''Q: If Sonichu got published how much would each Issue cost?'''
::A: I'd estimate $2.25, given the current shelf-comic prices. But ON the [[PS3|Playstation Network]]'s Digital Comic Service, I'd estimate $0.99 or $1.99 per Digital Issue.

*'''Q: How often does Sonichu have to stop and take breaks when he's running?'''
::A: He only stops for a rescue, [[China|social life]], [[Obesity|eating a chili dog, tacos or whatever he feels like chowin' down]], and to relax at home with his family.

*'''Q: Virginia lets you to marry your first cousin, but doesn't allow gays to marry. Do you think cousin-marriage is better than gay marriage? Why or why not?'''
::A: WHAT THE F***?! WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT C***PIEST OF HEINOUS LIES ABOUT VIRGINIA?! Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN [[Barbara|MOTHER]] OR [[Bob|FATHER]]! In comparison, both unholy marriages are equally terrible.

==07 January 2010==

*'''Q: You said that you confess your sins and pray every night. What sins do you confess?'''
::A: To name a couple: I apologize right after each time I say something like "God damn" (I'm sorry, God); I confess and apologize for, if any that day, angry responses to my own father after he starts an arguement or gets on my nerves.

*'''Q: What exactly happened when you were called into Mary Lee Walsh's office?'''
::A: That was one time I would rather not go into or recall. She raised her voice at me in harsh tones about how "You won't be getting any women" or "Your methods are flawed and stupid" and even "You are Stupid, Christian". I responded very angrily and verbally abused her back. Then I was kicked out for a year with Anger Management and Psychiatrist assistance.

*'''Q: Why do you randomly capitalize words when you type?'''
::A: I do not type in Caps at Random; I type those phrases or words in caps to EMPHASIZE MY POINT OR FACT.

*'''Q: When did you first realize that you hated the homos? Do your parents hate them as much as you do?'''
::A: I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, 2003 just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE! And I will say this again, '''SONICHU IS STRAIGHT, YOU DUMBASS GAYWADS.'''

==09 January 2010==

*'''Q: What do you think of people of different faiths other than your own (this includes Satanism,Atheism, Agnosticism)'''
::A: For most other religions, I am of neutral opinion and have no objections to them whatsoever. But for ALL those of Satanism and Atheism; I do not care for those Non-Religions AT ALL. I will not discriminate the people of those Non-Religions as Individual People.

*'''Q: How do you feel about the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual community? do they deserve the same rights as anyone else?'''
::A: As individual people, they all deserve Most Rights, but GAY MARRIAGE Should be made Illegal ALL Countries; Marriage is ONLY for Straight Man/Woman couples. I stand behind that most fully.

*'''Q: How do you feel about people of different political parties, political parties spanning from Anarchism to Fascism.'''
::A: As a Moderate (of Middle, Neutral Opinion), I have nothing against the other political parties. Mainly, because even though I do have the ability to learn about them, I know not ALL of the details of them.

*'''Q: How do you feel about Drugs? Drugs such as Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigarettes, Alcohol, etc.'''
::A: I STAND FULLY AGAINST [[Tobacky|Cigarettes, Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigars]] and ALL other Drugs of the sort. The only exceptions are drugs that are Prescribed to the Individual Person, as long as they are not given to anyone they were not originally prescribed to, I have no objections. And Alcohol; in Responsible, Moderate amounts, it can be good for you, yet I do not support Too Much of it, as if left unchecked, irresponsible or unassisted, too much can lead to fights that can lead to a trip to the hospital and automobile accidents.

*'''Q: Do you hold any distaste for any worldly culture?'''
::A: Only those who fully promote smoking or such drugs that I have just elaborated against of.

*'''Q: Are you uncomfortable about people of Color? do you have any tensions towards them?'''
::A: I have no discomfort or tension against people of all colors. The only exception is in my choice of Sweetheart or Mate; No Personal Offense, but she can not be Black.

*'''Q: Are you disturbed or disgusted by different types of music? Many people dislike Death Metal: http://tinyurl.com/ch2yl5'''
::A: I have agreement on some lyrics of Death Metal tracks, but the Tune, as long as it is not at loud volume, it is still good.

*'''Q: What do you think of our current president? Is he deceiving Americans as the Right Wing has expressed?'''
::A: I think Obama is doing okay, yet I disagree with his Health Plan; it is premature at the time, because we can not afford it yet. The Right Wing are sour, mean people; I give no concern to them.

*'''Q: Do you think Countries such as the Soviet Union or [[CWCville|North Korea]] Are actually Communist?'''
::A: I do not know much about those countries, so I can not give a full opinion on the topic. [[Lie|Although I do hate Communism]]; they are of wrong opinions and are considerably mean.

*'''Q: How do you think the situation in Afghanistan is going? Is there anything you would do different?'''
::A: I do not have full knowledge of that situation either.

*'''Q. Would you be willing to preform oral sex on a woman?'''
::A: Yes I would.

*'''Q. You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?'''
::A: Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

*'''Q. Have you ever thought about documenting your daily life? Kind of like a reality show?'''
::A: The topic has come to mind, yet I do not feel it appropriate yet.

*'''Q. Do you eat at restaurants other than McDonalds or Burger King?'''
::A: Yes, namely Golden Corral, Country Cookin' and iHop.

*'''Q. Do you ever consider playing Guitar Hero on expert instead of hard?'''
::A: I have played on Expert, and it is good.

*'''Q. What do you argue about with your dad?'''
::A: A number of things; I would not know where to begin on making the list of dumb topics he comes up with.

*'''Q. Why do you want to get the original Power Rangers back together? They're 40, no longer fit the costumes, one of them is dead, and one of them went to jail for drunk driving.'''
::A: Originally, I meant ONLY to '''Revive Zordon'''; I mean PRESIDENTS, POLICE CHIEFS and such Recruiting Power Rangers and Creating Zords? Not only is it Trite and LAME, it is not as CLASSIC or Good Quality as Zordon.

*'''Q. Do your parents freak out about you playing with girl's toys when you're a grown man?'''
::A: No, they do not, and I gave that up long ago.

*'''Q. What other ideas did you think of to attract women before you settled on a cardboard sign?'''
::A: Newspaper/Magazine Ads, Online Dating Sites, Video Dating Services to name a few; THEY COST MONEY.

*'''Q. What do you want to be when you grow up?'''
::A: I am ALREADY GROWN UP; I am 27 Years Old, going on 28. I am a great artist, and I am looking forward to an Office Job.

==15 January 2010==

*'''Q: If you could change the law, how would you change it? and you said you would outlaw the friend zone? why? what happened to a woman's right to choose who she wants to be with?'''
::A: Nothing has happened in [[Women's Rights]]; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone [[Megan|the woman]] deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.

*'''Q: Do you like everything you see, so long as it doesn't have gay stuff in it?'''
::A: Non-gay stuff is acceptable, but I don't like EVERYTHING I SEE; there are some things, even straight things, that I don't like either.

*'''Q: If you could upload your brain into a robot body, would you?'''
::A: I do not think so.

*'''Q: Why aren't you sure of the five worst games you've played? You can't have enjoyed [[List of Chris's games|every game you played]].'''
::A: I just could not think of any that would total up to five.

*'''Q: If you went back to college, what would you major in? What classes would you take?'''
::A: I am not sure.

*'''Q: Why do you like the name "[[Reginald]]" so much?'''
::A: Because [[PandaHalo|a woman]] who was close to me picked it out for the son in our role-play scenario; now she's [[Chris and death|dead]], and I still miss her sometimes.

*'''Q: Did you know that nearly all male porn actors start out making gay porn? What do you think of this?'''
::A: Whatever; I do not care.

*'''Q: [[Christian Love Day|Why did you get rid of asexuality in Sonichu 10]]? Hasn't it occurred to you that some people just don't like being in romantic relationships, and are much happier single? '''
::A: It had occured to me about asexuality recently from a mailbag question, and made me think about it, and NOT being able to FEEL the Attraction is Just Sad.

*'''Q: In a recent chat, you said that if you had a chance, you would want to make being a homo illegal. Yet, in a video contemporary to the chat, you ask your fans not to leave you. How would you feel if all of your [[Gay4Sonichu|gay fans]] left you?'''
::A: I would not want them to leave; they are still fans.

*'''Q: Have you ever considered getting your own apartment? What prevents you from doing so? '''
::A: Yes I have considered it. [[Chris and money|Current financial situations]] and fear of change (a common Autistic Trait) prevents me from doing so.

*'''Q: If there were no women, and men could reproduce sexually with other men, would homosexuality still be wrong?'''
::A: ONLY if that was the case, I would say Shoot Me.

*'''Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge?'''
::A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.

*'''Q: You hate homos, but you also hate straight men for "taking all the pretty girls leaving none for you." Shouldn't you support homos, so that other men can date each other and free up girls for you?'''
::A: NO, because Homosexuality is STILL WRONG.

*'''Q: Sex isn't that big of a deal. It's fun, but you don't have to have sex to be happy. Why are you so big about sex?'''
::A: Oh, I don't know, how about being a [[Virgin with rage|Frustrated Virgin]]?!

*'''Q: Would life be better if we reproduced nonsexually, and thus didn't have a sex drive?'''
::A: That is Bull[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|c***]].

*'''Q: Since you haven't been very specific about your taste in women, who are your favorite porn stars?'''
::A: To name a few: Jenna Jameson, Daisy Marie and Carmen Luvana.

*'''Q: Do you have any friends in the Autistic community?'''
::A: Only a few Acquaintances.

==20 January 2010==

*'''Q: Have you ever considered the possibility that you may never lose your virginity? What will you do then? How old do you think is too old to be a virgin?'''
::A: No. The next question is Non-Applicable. 40.

*'''Q: If you could have sex with one famous woman, living or historical, who would it be?'''
::A: [[Britney Spears]].

*'''Q: Why do you think [[Asperchu]] currently has 10 times as many fans as Sonichu?'''
::A: "Fans" are fickle, and so are "Fads"; the Non-True Fans will always look for the Next "Fad" until they tire of it and move on to the next "Fad". In this note, I would say that I am Possibly Retro, and [[Chris and Fashion|Retro is ALWAYS IN]].

*'''Q: Would you say your life has improved since thinking up Sonichu? Why or why not?'''
::A: [[Chris and his ego|Yes; I became famous,]] and becoming famous is not an easy task.

*'''Q: Do you know what the word "hypocrite" means?'''
::A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a [[Asperchu|newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a '''hypocrite''' among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.

*'''Q: I noticed that you have a Marge Simpson poster on your wall. Do you find her sexually appealing and if yes why?'''
::A: That is the pin-up from a "Playboy" a few months ago. She is appealing, yes, but I am more attracted to the real-life women around us all.

*'''Q: What's with all the pictures of Rosechu with a pickle on the internet? I thought she was supposed to be ALL WOMAN?'''
::A: Rosechu IS All Woman; she transformed from a Female Raichu; those people are just being stupid jerks with such "renditions".

*'''Q: How do you expect to keep us last remaining fans by stop working on the comic pages?'''
::A: I am drawing pages every day; just be patient and have full faith, unless you want to be considered a '''hypocrite''' among True, Loyal Sonichu and Rosechu Fans.

==26 January 2010==
*'''Q: If Rosechu is a Raichu, that means she's more evolved then Sonichu, who is a Pikachu. Shouldn't she be more powerful than Sonichu and be the leader?'''
::A: Evolution makes no difference; Rosechu is equally as powerful as Sonichu; Sonichu is the main character; Rosechu has equal leadership roles, so she leads when appropriate.

*'''Q: Why do you think you are better artist than Alec, aside from low-resolution and his style's blockiness? Is there something wrong to have quirky and blocky drawing style?'''
::A: How about the fact that his style looks Retarded and something that [[Chris and hypocrisy|a 2-Year Old can do]]? There's nothing wrong, unless you want to be TRULY Respected as an Avid Artist and Serious Person.

*'''Q: Why is [[Flame the Sunbird]] a ripoff of Kazooie?'''
::A: Flame was NEVER taken from Kazooie; if anything, he is MORE similar to Knuckles, but with a Sunbird Form.

*'''Q: You have expressed disdain for Asperchu and Simonchu, but how do you feel about Moon-Pals? Have you read it? If not, it would only be fair for you to do so.'''
::A: I have read Moon-Pals, and I feel that it is more like Moon-Dorks the way Sean draws and Portrays their Events so Grotesquely.

*'''Q: How many fans do you think you have? Please specify one of the following options: 0-10, 11-100, 101-1000, 1001-10000, 10000+.'''
::A: [[Ego|1000000000+.]]

*'''Q: How many fans do you think Asperchu has? Please specify one of the following options: 0-10, 11-100, 101-1000, 1001-10000, 10000+.'''
::A: 0-10
''Chris left this last question unanswered until 30 January.''

==30 January 2010==
*'''Q: Will you ever be able to accept criticism without being condescending or changing the subject?'''
::A: Yes.

*'''Q: Capital punishment (the Death Penalty) is legal in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Do you support the death penalty?'''
::A: [[9 February 2010|I do not support the death penalty]].

*'''Q: Could you post the letter you sent to Barack Obama on the CWCipedia?'''
::A: I am afraid I did not make a photocopy of the letter, and I had snail-mailed it weeks ago, so I can not do that.

*'''Q: You talk about how Asperchu is just a fad, but what if Sonichu is actually the fad that's starting to fade?'''
::A: I disagree.

*'''Q: If Rosechu is equal to Sonichu in power why does she need to be saved by him?'''
::A: She was caught off-guard at those times.

==1 February 2010==
*'''Q: Why do people who "[[Mailbag 49#Apparently that's reason enough|tick you off]]" [[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|deserve to die in explosions]]? Didn't Matthew say to love thy enemy?'''
::A: I never said that phrase, nor meant it in any way.

*'''Q: If you don't support the death penalty, that means you believe all life is sacred, right? Then why do you call for the deaths of gays? Is it only straight people who shouldn't get the death penalty?'''
::A: [[Death threats|All Life IS sacred]].

*'''Q: How come you become more and more like a dictator like Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chavez, or Vladimir Putin with your mailbags?'''
::A: I am NOT a Dictator. Why are you giving me an even WORSE Mislabeling than the Homosexual Mislabelings? Why do YOU have to be so bored that you have to make up NEW mislabelings to try and deface me over and over again?

*'''Q: Why did you choose to show the first black character in the series in a negative and racist light?'''
::A: That one is NOT a recurring character; the one who WILL be recurring characters are and will be like [[Jerkop|Police Officers]] like Louis Perez.

*'''Q: Why did Ultra Sonichu cure Aspergers, but did nothing for the physically challenged Rosechus in CWCville?'''
::A: Mental Problems can be cured Easier than Physical.

*'''Q: Why do you constantly edit the letters you receive? Don't you think it is insulting and rude?'''
::A: I am working on that, and Editing Less.

*'''Q: Do you like zombies? What weapon would you use to defend yourself in the zombie apocalypse? Where would you hold out?'''
::A: No, I do not like zombies. I would use a [[Megatron pistol|Gun]]. [[14 Branchland Court|Where I can]].

*'''Q: If you claim to respect your fans, why is it okay for you to "promise" to do a Sonichu page everyday, and then not keep up on that promise?'''
::A: I am [[Chris and art|drawing the pages For Real]]; Hand-to-God. I have other life problems that delay me from getting them scanned and online sooner; Shoveling Snow, Chores, Earlier Bedtime and Routine Resituating.

*'''Q: Why don't you just draw Wild a new girlfriend, so you can remove Simonla like Evan asked you to? Most people have more than one relationship in their lives, so it should not be that much of a problem. Or a you so uncreative that you can not think of a new character?'''
::A: I have stated before that when ONE finds [[Boyfriend-free girl|their Match]], they KEEP Each Other; I am NOT going to separate the Couple.

==22 February 2010==
*'''Q: How come your comics art hasn't improved since 2005, do you think you've reached your limit when it's come to the art of the Sonichu comic?'''
::A: On the contrary, my [[Chris and art|drawing skills]] have improved greatly over the years, yet it may be subtle and not obvious.

*'''Q: Why do you have a bedtime when you are around 30 years old?'''
::A: Everybody needs to sleep a while to recover energy from the past day.

*'''Q: What do you think of legally blind people?'''
::A: They're okay; they are keen to their other senses, and that is admirable. I have neutral to positive opinions of the legally blind.

*'''Q: Hey, Chris, what were your favorite after-school activities when you were a kid?'''
::A: Video games and Homework.

*'''Q: Were you ever involved in sports besides being the basketball towelboy, or did you take music lessons or art classes outside of school?'''
::A: I took a lot of Physical Education classes; I did not take classes outside of school before college.

*'''Q: If you can't get your car out because of the snow, shouldn't now be the perfect time to work on updating your comic?'''
::A: I have been working on the comic the whole time, as you will see very soon.

*'''Q: What's your favorite food? Does your mom ever cook at home? If she asked you to fix dinner, what would you do?'''
::A: Macaroni and Cheese; Yes; a small meal or soup.

*'''Q: Are there any video games out right now that you really want to play, but haven't gotten a chance to yet?'''
::A: [[Fanmail Reading|The Orange Box]], [[God of War]] III and Heavy Rain.
::''Note: neither God of War III nor [[Wikipedia:Heavy Rain|Heavy Rain]] had been released when Chris answered this question.''

*'''Q: If you could change anything about yourself physically, what would you change and why?'''
::A: Weigh myself down to 180 pounds.

*'''Q: How often do you shower?'''
::A: [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|Nightly]].

*'''Q: How often do you visit with friends and family outside of the house?'''
::A: Sometimes.

*'''Q: Do you enjoy [[20 December 2009|playing with your cats]]?'''
::A: Yes.

*'''Q: Do you actually play with all the toys in your room? If not, why not donate some to children who actually will play with them?'''
::A: I do sometimes play with all my toys.

*'''Q: Do you envy Sonichu for having a wife and kids?'''
::A: No.

*'''Q: Which of the Rosechus is the sexiest in your opinion?'''
::A: The Original Rosechu.

*'''Q: If shoveling snow is that hard for you, why don't you just pay some kid $10 to shovel your driveway?'''
::A: Hard work is good for me.

*'''Q: From between Issues #0 and #8 Which Electric Hedgehog pokemon do you like least and why?'''
::A: Silvana Rosechu, because of the Troll Influences, I felt forced to let Graduon magically make her a hermaphrodite for the sake of "TRANSFORM".

*'''Q: Have any of the Sonichus and Rosechus ever considered "swinging," aka swapping sex partners for the night?'''
::A: No.

*'''Q: What are the ten worst things that have happened to you in your life?'''
::A: 1) Trolls Pestering Me Constantly. 2) [[Julie|Learning that Ohio woman was actually a 13-year old boy]]. 3) Having my accounts hacked into. 4) Clyde Cash breaking into my ORIGINAL, which hosted The Original "CWC's Sonichu Site", Tripod Account and screwing it up Royally. 5) Being banned from The (Game & Hobby) Place by that S.O.B., '''[[Michael Snyder]]'''; we never saw eye-to-eye, and for [[Chris and anger|some UNCOMPREHENDIBLE Reason]], aside from that time with my Wii, He Hated Me, Period. 6) Learning of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Website late October, 2007, followed by learning [[Lucas|TWO OF]] [[Mimms|THE TROLLS]] were old Pok'emon TCG comrades in that same League I used to go to HAD PART in the creation of that D*** E.D. Page. 7) The loss of two True and Good Women who I had friendships with, Sarah Cassandra McKenzie ([[PandaHalo]]), and [[Sarah Jackson]]. 8) Being banned from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a year. 9) Having to leave behind all of my [[Gal-pal|Girl Friends]] from High School after Graduation. 10) [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Being pinned down on the floor by a teacher, two teacher aides, the Guidance Counsoler and the Principal on the floor and having my screams and cries recorded onto audiocassete back in 4th Grade]]. [[Fail|11)]] The [[Autism]].

*'''Q: Chris, what are the good deeds you have done that earn you the right to go to heaven?'''
::A: I have done a lot of good in my life, yet I did some bad, [[Chris and remorse|most of which was accidental, unintentional or beyond my knowledge]]. To name a few good things: holding the door for many people in various places, [[Chris and Death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|honoring my promises]], [[Chris and anger|being friendly and kind in person]], [[Chris and money|donating to various causes and a lot of other good things]].

*'''Q: Why does homosexuality immediately condemn the person to hell regardless of how good they are?'''
::A: I can not say; ask a Priest or Pastor.

*'''Q: At what age did you officially become mayor of CWCville?'''
::A: 18

*'''Q: At what age will your future daughter inherit the title of mayor of CWCville?'''
::A: 13 - 18

*'''Q: You know that crystal isn't a kind of metal, right?'''
::A: I know that; cyrstal is a kind of Mineral.

*'''Q: Who came up with the "Chris Chan" nickname?'''
::A: I did; it's the first halves of my first and last names, Chris tian Chan dler, and it has a "Jackie Chan" feel to it.

*'''Q: What inspired you to create Sonichu?'''
::A: The CD Cover Project for Computer Graphics during my [[Chris and english|Seinor]] Year at Manchester High; Sonic and Pikachu.

*'''Q: Even though you've created him for over a decade, did Sonichu ever helped you accomplished anything?'''
::A: Yes; see myself as a better person.

*'''Q: Why did the Wailord dropped a boulder on Bubble's adoptive mother Swampert?'''
::A: the boulder was attached to that Wailord's underbelly, like Barnicles, and in its leap over Mama Swampert, the boulder detached itself.

*'''Q: Since you hate gay people so much, why do you use Rainbows in your comics?'''
::A: I do not understand why the f*** the gays decided to use Rainbows as their symbol; that's like asking Hitler why he used the Swastika (which originally was a Lucky Symbol) for his whole mess.

*'''Q: What purpose have the Chaotic Combo served through out the whole comic?'''
::A: It's like asking why Sailor Moon needed the Sailor Soldiers of the other 8 planets; BACKUP, ADVICE and COMRADESHIP.

*'''Q: Why do you add yourself as a character?'''
::A: If it was good enough for Shinichi Watanabe in Excel Saga and Puni Puni Poemy, [[Chris and his Ego|it was good enough for me]]. But upon retrospect, I saw why it was a mistake.

==Awaiting Answers==
===From [[Mailbag 58]]===
*'''Q: What do you think of people who read both Sonichu and Asperchu? Do you think they are loyal fans?

*'''Q: Have you considered letting more comic series onto the the CWCipedia?

*'''Q: Would you date someone who loved the Xbox as much as you love PS3 and hates PS3 as much as you do the Xbox?

*'''Q: If only slow in the minds could be turned into jerkops, why didn't you get turned into one?

*'''Q: Why do you refuse to buy your father nice gifts and just settle for cheap candy or even nothing?

*'''Q: You say you're against the death penalty, so why is it that in your most recent comic pages you decided to kill off the Asperpedia crew?

*'''Q: Do you wish you could punish the Asperpals in real life the same way you did in your most recent comic book?

*'''Q: Why are things a fact when said by you, but an opinion when said by others?

*'''Q: What has been your greatest victory over the trolls?

*'''Q: What has been your biggest defeat at the hands of trolls?

===From [[Mailbag 59]]===
*'''Q:Why do you put Sonichu on your resume if you don't want it to be a job?

{{Mailbag}}

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call

2010-06-08T00:48:43Z

Fnord:

{{quote|Take your problems head on. Do not fucking dodge them. I just read that from a fortune cookie. Except I added the fucking part because Chinese people don't curse a lot.|Jack Thaddeus}}

{{quote|[''[[Stress sigh|sigh]]''] My blood is not made of gravy.|Chris, shattering the basis of every belief that we've ever held about him}}

In [[December 2009]], [[Jack Thaddeus]] called [[Chris]], to discuss the recent events involving Chris's statements about [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]], [[Sonichu 9]] and his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]].

Most of the call, Jack reprimands Chris and tells him he has a problem with making his [[comic]]s, his [[health]] and his [[mailbag]]. Chris remains monosyllabic and uninterested throughout, except to silence Jack with two fairly solid burns. Rather than angering Chris, this call seems to have inflicted a lot of [[stress]] on Chris, which will cause him to take a [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008 | Power Nap]].

It's important to note that this is the first time we see Chris actually being able to counter-insult properly. While some may see this as proof that he is, in fact, growing as a person, the laws of probability state that if a person continuously rambles off ridiculously stupid statements, there is a minute possibility that one of them will actually come out as really clever. He then proves this by apologizing.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' I'm just replying to--
 '''Jack:''' I'm pissed at you! No! Shut up, I'm pissed at you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, is this because I haven't picked up?
 '''Jack:''' No-- well, yes! That's actually-- you get a point. Okay, you get-- you get a gold star, just like you would if you were in a retard class, which you probably were in, because, well, you're Chris. Anyways, um, so, yeah, apparently, you're all butthurt about people calling you-- saying that you have Asperger's which is pretty funny considering that, you know, it pisses you off, so--
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack:''' What-what? What? What?
 '''Chris:''' I'm like, whatever. It's a mislabel.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, oh! No, it's cute. It's cute! You think that-- you think that Asperger's-- people with Asperger's are trying to take the quote/unquote “limelight” away from people with [[autism]]. What-- how-- why... why is that-- that's like saying, "People with cancer are trying to take the limelight away from people with AIDS," ...although you'd probably like that, considering you hate the [[homos]].
 '''Chris:''' Maybe.
 '''Jack:''' You know a friend of mine has AIDS. He's gay.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel bad for him. And he has my sympathy-- he has my pity.
 '''Jack:''' But he's gay Chris!
 '''Chris:''' I know. I, uh-- I assumed that because you know, you said he had gay-- he had AIDS.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you assume-- you assume that everybody that has AIDS is gay. Wow. Wow, Chris. Wow, that's-- way to fuckin', you know, fall into the fuckin' pit of stupid. You know, a lot of people have AIDS, not just gay people. Actually, more straight people have AIDS than gay people. But, anyways, I'm pissed at you for multiple reasons. First of all, the comic sucks. Second of all, the video you did sucks. You know, [[Vivian]]'s been yelling at me saying I'm interfering; I'm interfering. I didn't do shit, okay? So, you know. That-- that bitch is crazy, so you know. Also, you didn't fuckin' answer my letter that I sent to you.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I haven't found your letter.
 '''Jack:''' I told you!
 '''Chris:''' I checked in the mailbag and I--
 '''Jack:''' Because you went and put it in rejected, you dumb shit!
 '''Chris:''' I did not put it in [[Rejected Mailbag]]-- I did not-- I did not find anything from Jack Thad-- from you.
 '''Jack:''' I-- I told you it was in the name "David Crass"! You really think I'm stupid enough to put my name as Jack Thaddeus?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, wait, okay, okay, I just found it. Okay, I just found it.
 '''Jack:''' Now read it out to me. Read it out to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. “Dear Chris, why is [[Rosechu]] so useless?”
 '''Jack:''' Now answer it. Why is she so useless?
 '''Chris:''' Well, she is not useless.
 '''Jack:''' [''laughter''] Okay, okay, so, so what did she do in the last, uh, comic? In this-- in this comic right here.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] She took down some Punislavs and some [[Jerkops]]... with her lightning blade.
 '''Jack:''' Everybody else was doing that. Her lightning-- no, and then she got kidnapped! How is it that she's able to apparently fight these people, and then suddenly get kidnapped.
 '''Chris:''' It just happened. It happened from behind her. She does not have eyes in the back of her head.
 '''Jack:''' It just happened. Oh! She got taken from behind. I see that's-- she got taken from.... [''trails off''] Also Punislavs? That's kinda-- Slavs, you know that Slavs are an ethnic group? That's kinda I'm just saying Chris--
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] Well, would you rather I called it a “slave?”
 '''Jack:''' Yes, that might be nice. That might be nice. What you think that all black-- that "slaves"-- that "slave" has suddenly become a bad word? It makes more sense, Chris. If they're fuckin'-- God dammit. You know what? You know what? You know what, you should be talking to Vivian about this shit, because I'm just saying. I mean-- but, anyways. Why is Rosechu not a useless piece of shit? And also, why is your plot so fucking convoluted and unnecessarily complicated? You make characters, and then you retcon them into the fucking story and then they disappear. They play no role.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] They did play a role; they helped in defending the city of [[CWCville]].
 '''Jack:''' That's not a fucking-- okay, okay, you seem to have a problem with storytelling. CWCville-- the defense of CWCville doesn't mean shit if there's no story, and you need certain main characters. A bunch of fucking secondary characters doesn't do shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, [[Sonichu]] is a main-- Sonichu and Rosechu are the main characters.
 '''Jack:''' Then why do you have so many fucking other characters? The only character I like is [[Punchy]] Sonichu, and that's because he reminds me of Clyde. [''long pause''] What?
 '''Chris:''' Nothing. Nothing. Anyway... Mmm.
 '''Jack:''' People told you that that picture of that Guido wasn't Clyde, but you didn't listen. Remember back then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you're-- that was just one of-- that was-- that was actually... fucking comedy gold, man. I-- I-- I am actually not-- I actually-- I'm proud of you for not listenin' to, ya know, advice of other people, and, you know, just-- just being the ''dumb shit'' that you are and just making that video of you, having a picture of that Guido from the Jersey shore. Ahaha. Ohh... You're a funny guy, Chris. But, okay, I'll-- I'll...
 [''Chris makes a noise to make sure that we still know he has a pulse'']
 '''Jack:''' You can, you know-- I'm-- we're gonna have-- we're not-- I'm not hanging up. We're having our talk right now, Chris, so don't-- don't fuckin' try and rush me, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' 'Cuz I-- I can hear you, you know, fucking... shifting around and going [''at this point, Jack makes raptor noises''], like you're fucking... getting tortured, okay? So don't get antsy with me.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not doing-- I'm not making any noises.
 '''Jack:''' I-- I-- no, I-- I hear you. I hear you, Chris... you know.
 '''Chris:''' You're listening to the radio in the background.
 '''Jack:''' Why-- who the fuck still listens to radio?! I mean, I-- I li-- I listen to NPR, but, you know, otherwise, who the fuck cares?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well-- well, that's John Tesh.
 '''Jack:''' Who the fuck is John Tesh?! Sounds like a fag!
 [''after a pause, they simultaneously say "Anyways...", and, afterward, Chris quietly sighs'']
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you fucker! Anyways-- God!-- parkour: eh, you seem to really not understand parkour.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You really... don't understand-- seem to understand--[''sigh''] you know what? Yeah, you-- I don't-- ...hmm.... Why don't ''you'' explain stuff to me, Chris? I-- I'd like to-- I'd like to know what you... think would be passing as, uhh, you know... you know... parkour?
 '''Chris:''' I did not understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' [''quietly to himself''] That was actually pretty funny. Umm... what is parkour?
 '''Chris:''' Par-core: to my interpretation... it is a style of running. Running from one point to another...-- yes, with jumps...-- and along the walls, and other things.
 '''Jack:''' Mmm... that's-- you interpreted it wrong. It's-- well... yeah, you got it then; you got it when you add the... jumping on the walls and shit. It's-- but, then again... what you said you were doing was "Parkay", which-- Parkay a brand of butter, so, you know, [''Chris begins to interrupt''] seeing that you're a fat load of--
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well-- ok-- well--
 '''Jack:''' '''Hey!''' Do not fucking do that!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forgot-- I... had trouble remembering what the word was.
 '''Jack:''' You know-- you know-- Chris, settle down. It's not ''nice'' to interrupt ''people''.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' Your parents really failed... at teaching you manners.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... well... please continue.
 '''Jack:''' ''Yous'' called it Parkay. Now that's hilarious, because... Parkay is a brand of butter, and you're like butter in that you're a fat piece of shit.
 [''Chris gives one of his infamous sighs, which Jack then mocks'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forg-- I--
 '''Jack:''' You really-- do you really think-- do you really think you're healthy? Do you ''really'' think-- do ''you'' think you're healthy?
 '''Chris:''' I could be healthier.
 '''Jack:''' You could be healthier? Okay, yeah... you could be healthier if your fuckin' blood wasn't made of gra''vy''.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] My blood is not made of gravy.
 '''Jack:''' It's not? It's not. Then why...-- why do you... have to take four fucking breaks in... the video, just running for ten minutes? I can run for ten minutes without taking a break, and I can then go up a flight of stairs, after running ten minutes without a break, and make it to the top... you know, faster than you did.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, then.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty fucking awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' You gonna admit that I'm awesome?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand that question.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, I-- I-- I was just-- oh, are you physically fit?
 '''Chris:''' I will admit that I could be bette-- I could be more fit.
 '''Jack:''' I want you to admit that you are fat, and that you have a problem, and that you need to work on it. [''strange noises of discombobulation''] Nevermind, I'm-- I'm pretty sure you and... Kim (???)-- she's all-- alright with that, because she seems like the type that would, you know... be a... fuckin'... you know, bossy-boss. But are you fit, Chris? Yes or no.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' Do not say-- good. Good, we got somewhere. You are fat. Now... that's the first step in ''fixing'' the problem. Now, you actually have to ''do something'', and by "something", I mean "get out of the house and"-- nah, nevermind; I don't give a shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Uhh, I don't know... [[Vivian]] is... gonna be pissed, and, you know... I'm just saying.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, my bad.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... I want you to... stop rejecting... mail that you don't like.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You-- these are your fans, Chris; you shouldn't be fucking pushing them around like this... and actin' like, ya know, just because they say something that you don't agree with, their... opinions suddenly don't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You know, so.... Vivian is trying to help you, but you don't-- you seem to have a problem with taking advice.
 '''Chris:''' I have been taking advice-- the advice of Vivian.
 '''Jack''': No, you haven't. [''interruption battle ensues''] You've been-- you've been-- okay, here's your version of--
 '''Chris:''' O-- okay, well I-- okay, well, I need to dispel-- I need to--
 '''Jack''': ''Chris''!
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupts quietly''] Okay.
 '''Jack''': What have I told you about interrupting?!
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, I was-- I wa-- I was sayin' somethin', then, uhh, you started sayin' somethin', so, okay... Continue.
 '''Jack''': Trials and advertisements make... you-- trials and adversities make stronger; take your problems head-on; do not fucking dodge them.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': I just read that... from a fortune cookie.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Except I added the "fucking" part, because--
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Chinese people don't curse a lot.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Actually, they do, but... I don't know. They-- they curse in Chinese... something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay.
 '''Jack''': How much do you care about Sonichu? [''disgruntled noise of frustration''] Okay! Now I am pissed, Chris, because I know what you're doing; you're just-- you're not even listening! There's more--
 '''Chris:''' I am listening to you.
 '''Jack''': No, you're just saying, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Uhm-hmm. Yeah." You-- ...I've heard you do this before.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I ''have'' been listening to you.
 '''Jack''': Hi(?), I remember when you did this with ''Clyde''. You just sit there and just, like, go, "Uhm-hmm. Uhm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Mm." Do I do a good impression of you? I think I do. I'm-- I think it's pretty spot-on. So...
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack''': 'Member when-- that's not a fuckin' respo-nse!
 '''Chris:''' That did go on (?).
 '''Jack''': Okay. He-- remember when he tried to get you to go to Redmond... and you didn't go?
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Jack''': You didn't go, because you don't give a ''shit'' about Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' No, I didn't go, because I thought it was [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3175/3084105453_476453cd30.jpg?v=0|a trap].
 '''Jack''': How could it be a trap? For what?
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Jack''': Do you think Clyde would--
 '''Chris:''' My mom thought it wa-- my mom thought it was a trap. My dad thought it was a trap.
 '''Jack''': No, you thought it was a trap!
 '''Chris:''' And th--
 '''Jack''': Mom and Dad don't give a shit about what you do with Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' And then we realized that the-- that the e-mails from Mr. Mayamoto came from Mail.com, which is where anybody could pretend to be somebody else.
 [''at this point, Jack basks in the silence of the rare occurrence of having been owned by Chris'']
 '''Jack''': Eh... Well... Miyamoto--
 '''Chris:''' Of course, you know, my family is concerned of my safety, so there you go.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know ''why'' they threw me out?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
 [''Chris is now officially on a roll'']
 '''Jack''': Oooh! That earns you... two more gay ads! ...You little sassy--
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': thingy... guy. You gonna apologize?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm apologizing. I apologize for that. Okay, I--
 '''Jack''': No, say, "I'm sorry." Hey, "I am sorry."
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Jack''': Well... they kicked me out because I-- because, you know... I have like five other brothers, or something. I don't know. I have a lot of... people in house.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. So it was overcrowded.
 '''Jack''': Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Just like your house, except it's not full of people; it's full of shit that you don't need! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh... we have fun, don't we, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.... Well, you are, anyway.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' And I am not going to interrupt.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... grow some balls, get some initiative, ''fucking'' promote the shit out of Sonichu...
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': ...Vivian's gonna rape me... with the... strap-on, because she's crazy-- oh, wait, I was reading an e-mail. Umm... yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Just do whatever Vivian says, and... I'll be calling you soon, and... you don't fucking abuse your fans. Like, they're, you know-- you don't have a lot of them, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Also, go to Redmond. Because, you know--
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, I-- eventually, I will.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, I-- so.... Oh, also-- also, don't piss of your Asperger friends, 'cuz, you know, they're fuckin'... crazy-ass niggers.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. So... any other thoughts?
 '''Jack''': Alright. Uhh... you're fat.
 '''Chris:''' Oka-- oka-- okay, I guess we're done here...?
 '''Jack''': Yep. Bye-bye.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, take care. [[Christmas|Merry Christmas]].
 '''Jack''': Merry Christmas to you, Fatty Fatfat!

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|First]]|nextlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]|}}
==See also==
*[[Kacey Phone Call]]
*[[Father Call]]
*[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]

==External links==
*[http://filesmelt.com/downloader/jack_call_-_dec_4.mp3 MP3 of the phone call]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaF7BelpelM Youtube of the call]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Love Quest

2010-06-07T19:12:37Z

Fnord:

{{quote|I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...|Chris, in a [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|sudden moment of clarity.]]}}

{{quote|... except for the fact that I am Handsome| You know what? Fuck it.}}

[[Image:Chris-Chan Warrior of Love.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]

The '''Love Quest''' (or '''Sweetheart Search''') is the ongoing, real life saga of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] to obtain a girlfriend. The stated purpose of the Love Quest (or "[[sweetheart]] search") is to meet the person who will be his true love and will solve all his problems and give birth to his children. However, Chris believes all of this will be assured upon his first successful sexual intercourse with a woman, and so for all practical purposes the true goal is to lose his virginity.

Chris is known to have had crushes on girls prior to [[2002]], but the Love Quest represents a focused effort to do everything in his power to achieve romantic fulfillment. He has often linked the Love Quest with what he claims to be visions from [[GodJesus]] commanding him to father [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|a daughter]], as well as his desire to prove that he is straight; at times these seem to be the only actual reasons Chris wants a lover.

==Origins==
===Background===
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|right|Spell cards don't work IRL, Chris.]]

The catalyst for the Love Quest was Christian's encounter with [[Sarah Hammer]] during his move back to [[Ruckersville]], and enrollment at the [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College|Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. This occurred somewhere between June 2000 and October 2003.

Sarah is presumably the first woman to tell the ever-naïve Christian, "[[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl|I have a boyfriend]]." Chris unexpectedly learned that his childhood [[gal pal]] was romantically involved with [[Wes Iseli]].<ref>[[Story_of_My_Current_Days]]</ref> Upon making this discovery, he quickly developed an intense jealousy of Wes and resentment towards him that would set his state of mind for the impending Quest.

Throughout [[2003]] Chris passively expressed his mix of longing and disappointment by way of [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] and [[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]. It is clear that Chris had at some point decided Sarah was supposed to be his soulmate, although perhaps not until he learned she was unavailable, and had difficulty accepting that this would not be a possibility. In 2005, following Sarah's breakup with Wes and hookup with [[William Spicer]], he dealt with the situation more openly and publicly in [[Sonichu 2]]. (This acceptance perhaps stemmed from his turn to a new object of infatuation - see the Megan section below.)

===Epiphany===
According to Chris, the genesis of the Love Quest was on his twenty-first birthday, 24 [[February 2003]].<ref>Chris misspoke the year as 2002 in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|this video]], but he has consistently referenced his 21st birthday, which was in 2003.</ref> On this date, he was kicked out of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] English class after a dispute with his teacher. (In his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Start_of_my_Sweetheart_Search|Wikipedia biography]], Chris claimed the teacher ejected him simply on account of his autism, but on his date with [[Emily]], he admitted that autism had nothing to do with it - he was in fact kicked out for delivering an angry tirade about [[homos]]{{cite}}.) While waiting for his next class, Chris sat and cried his eyes out, realizing there was no one to comfort him like when he cried at his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Shortly thereafter he resolved that he needed a girlfriend.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

Presumably the connection between these events is that Chris felt hurt and ostracized by his punishment, leading him to recognize his need for someone who would appreciate him unconditionally. However, Chris further states that the Love Quest ''officially'' began in August 2003<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>, suggesting that he waited six months to actually execute his plans out of sheer laziness.

===The Salad Days===
At some point early on in the Quest, Chris developed an intense, socially crippling [[Noviophobia|fear]] that all women have boyfriends. Since his [[autism]] causes him to approach social tasks in the bluntest manner possible, it can be assumed that his initial approach was to walk up to women cold and frankly ask if they would go out with him. It may be further inferred that Chris's unrelenting persistence made it extremely difficult for a woman he liked to get rid of him, short of claiming to have a boyfriend. In any case, Chris quickly lost nearly all of his confidence in talking to women and developed an irrational hatred of boyfriends, or "[[JERKS]]" (i.e., all men everywhere except himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]]). Since this time, he has always specified that his potential girlfriend must be a [[Boyfriend-free girl]] (sometimes "single, boyfriend-free girl"), as if this were not already obvious.

==Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh==
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|Miscellaneous items used during the Love Quest. Or as the Commonwealth of Virginia will eventually call it, Exhibit A.]]
[[Image:134-cwcsonstecrdgirlbck.jpg|thumb|Back of a ''Sonichu'' Business Card]]

{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

By [[October 2003]], Chris had put into practice what was "the only sensible idea I could come up with that was inexpensive": sitting on the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] campus holding a sign that read 'I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion.' This would be the first of many versions of the [[Attraction Sign]], a vital tool in the Love Quest for several years to come.

Sometime during October, the school's Dean of Student Services, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], confronted Chris and confiscated his sign. According to Chris's recollection of the event:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." [[Heart level|MY HEART WAS SHATTERED]] that very moment.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 03 May 2009}}

What is far more likely to have occurred is this: Walsh probably decided Chris was making a nuisance of himself and asked him what he thought he was doing; Chris probably delivered a big confusing monologue (possibly with a song and dance) about seeking true love; and Walsh then likely dismissed the substance of Chris's response with "You can't do that here." Walsh's point of contention was undoubtedly just the sign, but over the years Chris has demonized her into a brutal harpy whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him.

Undaunted, Chris simply made a new sign, and a few weeks later Walsh confronted him again. In late [[January 2004]], Chris revised his strategy, leaving copies of the [[Sonichu's News Dash!]] newsletter strewn about the campus, each one containing a single "personals ad" about himself. By [[February 2004|February]], Walsh had cracked down on Chris again, banning distribution of the News Dash.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], [[February 2004|February 9, 2004]]</ref> In Chris's own words:

{{quote|Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|my own attack]] that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an anger management course and see a [[Chris and psychology|psychiatrist]] for a while.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 03 [[May 2009]]}}

The extent of the "attack" Chris made against Walsh, whether it was physical or just a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, is unknown, although it would have had to have been something pretty serious to get him suspended from PVCC ''and'' forced to undergo counseling. The timing of the incident is also unclear, since Chris has cited 16 [[September 2004]] as the date of his suspension.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 16, 2004</ref>

==Conflicts with Jerkops==

By [[August 2004]], Chris had expanded his quest to other [[Attraction Location]]s besides PVCC, such as [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. It was here that he attempted a new tactic, inspired by ''[[Excel Saga]]'': laying a [[Red String of Fate]] across the mall floor. This inevitably led to a confrontation with mall security, making this Chris's first recorded encounter with the [[Jerkops]].<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], August 2004</ref>

By [[September 2004|September]] Chris had somehow learned that loitering in public places with a sign advertising his services as a boyfriend made it look like he was "trying to sell myself like a new car," but he still managed to miss the point and believe this was something he could work to his advantage. He continued to have confrontations with mall security until 11 September 2004, when he was arrested, handcuffed, and forbidden from entering the mall without one of his parents. With both of his Attraction Locations denied to him, Chris became more lonely and depressed than usual. In his diary he expressed an interest in asking "Santa Clause" for a girlfriend. According to emails leaked by [[Jackie]], Chris was completely serious and believed in Santa until he was ''24''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 2004</ref>

==Anna McLerran==

{{main|The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer}}

At some point in 2004 Chris had expanded his activities in the mall, including:

* Pacing around a lot, playing videos on his Game Boy Advance
* Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then"

He was apparently infamous to [[Anna McLerran]] and her friends by the time he finally worked up the nerve to enter the store where Anna worked to strike up a conversation with her. Anna handled herself as politely as she could while having zero interest in this idiot's pathetic romantic overtures, and apparently convinced him that she was off the market.

Despite becoming one of Chris's closest friends, Anna would later document the 2004 incident in a [[2006]] blog entry, confirming that, despite whatever good qualities she sees in Chris, deep down she knows he's a few hedgehogs short of a [[Chaotic Combo]].

==Hanna==

{{main|Hanna}}

On 29 [[March 2005]] Chris (who had somehow regained full access to the mall) momentarily believed his prayers had been answered when he was approached by Hanna, a girl who worked at the local Starbucks. She invited Chris to have coffee with her. Chris quickly overreacted to this sudden reversal of fortune, calling his mother and showing Hanna his entire [[Sonichu Scrapbook]].

[[Anna McLerran]] later informed Chris that Hanna was simply trolling him for the lulz. In shock, Chris confronted Hanna and, when she admitted the truth, ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!", exactly like they do in movies. The entire incident was a crippling blow to Chris's self-esteem and the kind of thing that would be embarrassing for anyone. Subsequently, Chris dramatized the whole story in [[Sub-Episode 2|one of his comics]], where he was able to get the last word in exactly the way he could not in real life.

==Conflicts with [[Manajerks]]==

Around [[June 2005]], with the mall becoming a more difficult place to pick up chicks, Chris turned to his local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], where he would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his sign and various nerd amusements, and wait around for hours. On 20 June 2005 Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his sign and called the police on him. Chris hid the sign, effectively avoiding criminal charges, but he was banned from the McDonald's. He interpreted this to mean he was not banned from the Wal-Mart, however.

On 22 June Chris again came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures, and the conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. According to Chris, the Wal-Mart manager attempted to reason with him...

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [sic] to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

In [[July 2005|July]], Chris relocated to the newly-opened Charlottesville [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], where he quickly found himself in trouble for loitering once again. Chris refused to leave at first. When store employees returned with police officers (including [[Bagget]]), Chris offered to leave if they would listen to a prepared speech. According to Chris's account of the incident, five men then jumped on him and hogtied him without provocation; in reality, it's more likely that they saw he would not surrender and tried to arrest him peacefully, and he resisted to the point that they had to completely subdue him out of fear of his tard rage.

In the dramatization of these events in [[Sonichu 4]], the cops need nothing short of a giant robot to capture Chris, and his twin sister rescues him so that they can destroy the Jerkops' entire operation, which of course is commanded by Mary Lee Walsh from PVCC.

Chris has said that he was eventually cleared of all criminal charges related to the dispute at Target. It was apparently at this point that his mother, in a dazzling display of parental guidance, informed him about two years too late that the Attraction Sign made him look retarded.

==[[Megan Schroeder]]==

{{main|Megan Saga}}

Chris met Megan Schroeder in the summer of 2005 and was immediately attracted by such qualities as her gender, her lack of a boyfriend and her willingness to talk to him for more than five minutes (although she compliments him for tolerating ''her''). In Chris's mind Megan was already destined to be his sweetheart, and the only thing left to do was convince Megan to accept this truth. The Love Quest was effectively on hold from this time until [[March 2008]]. All of Chris's writings during this time demonstrate that he believed he was already in a monogamous relationship with Megan and further Sweetheart Searching was largely unnecessary.

Aside from Megan's complete disinterest in romance with Chris, the relationship suffered other stumbling blocks, such as Megan's discomfort at Chris showering her with gifts; Megan's outrage over Chris's sexual harassment, hatred of men, and rampant homophobia; Megan's unwillingness to share a hypothetical hotel room with Chris; and Megan's discovery that Chris had to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|draw himself fingerbanging her]] to suppress his fantasies of assaulting and raping her. Even though she reacted as any normal human being would in the same situation, he was still shocked that she "broke up" with him and thought that all he had to do was say "I'm sorry" as much as possible.

Encyclopedia Dramatica did not ruin Chris's relationship with Megan, but Chris's obsession with defeating ED definitely did, since his attempt to blow ED's mind by posting his Rule 34 drawings caused her to discover what a deranged individual he truly is and break off all contact with him. Chris totally missed the point about the fingerbanging picture, believing that its continued presence on ED was the issue, and not the fact that he drew it in the first place. This contributed to his drive to shut the site down for much of 2008, until people on the internet figured out the simplest way to troll him...

==Internet Love Quest==
[[Image:CWCpropaganda.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
After becoming an infamous lolcow thanks to his edit war with ED, Chris began to receive unexpected attention from attractive single women who loved his comics and totally weren't just looking to troll him. Since then, Chris has taken his Love Quest onto the internet, proclaiming that his true and honest sweetheart is whichever girl he's managed to pin down. He has even attempted appealing to [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080804202349AA80xDL Yahoo answers] on how a [[Chris|'lonesome fella']] can attract a boyfriend-free-girl, going as far as mentioning his previous [[Attraction Sign|tactics]] and even [[Fail|asking his answerer to be his sweetheart]].

With each sweetheart he meets Chris follows a predictable pattern, demonstrating what he had always intended to do with any woman he met in real life. He begins with a series of proclamations of his TRUE and HONEST love, and then begins planning out how the woman will travel to his home. Chris professes to believe in the rule that sex is out of the question until the [[third date]], but since he expects every romantic encounter to end in total success he makes it clear - in as gentlemanly a fashion as he can manage - that he expects sex at the woman's earliest convenience. Amazingly, as each successive internet gal pal proves to be a [[troll]], Chris becomes more devoted to the next one, to the point that within a month of meeting Ivy online he began planning his marriage to a woman he had never even seen face-to-face.

When addressing the question of why Chris readily takes each new troll at face value, his own mindset must be taken into consideration. Chris's prospects of finding a girl locally are virtually zero, and he knows this. At the same time, the internet seems (from his point of view) to be an endless cavalcade of single, attractive women who are fascinated with him, making it an irresistible resource in his Love Quest. By now Chris is fully aware that each woman he meets online ''could'' be a troll, but each time he readily accepts evidence that she is not and dismisses out of hand any suggestion that she is. He does this because he ''wants'' to believe she's real; the alternative is to surrender to despair.

==Returning to real life==
In Chris's final chat with [[Sarah May]] from early March 2009, he claimed that he planned to give up looking for a [[sweetheart]] online, and return to searching for a girl in local [[Charlottesville]]. [[Trolls]] everywhere rejoiced, for this could only mean one thing - a return to the fabled [[Attraction Sign]] and the days of his exploits against the [[Jerkops]] and his other IRL misadventures.

This effort only lasted so long, however. Chris's first attempt at a real-life date, with [[Emily]], ended in tragedy (for him) after the intervention of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. During the brief [[Rollin' and Trollin']] era in the early summer of 2009, Chris was allegedly spotted prowling Charlottesville Fashion Square in his ''Guitar Hero: Metallica'' tattoo sleeves, but it wasn't long before he gave up and retreated back to the internet.

In late [[October 2009]], after a long hiatus, the [[sweetheart]] cycle began again, with the advent of the incredibly disturbing [[I Love You Kacey]]. Chris initially found success in his campaign to pry Kacey away from her current boyfriend, [[Liquid Chris]], even managing to meet her in person on multiple occasions. Later, though, the relationship collapsed under the weight of Chris's bizarre and disturbing behavior.

The opening months of [[2010]] saw Chris land himself in romantic misadventures both in reality and online. He managed to pry himself out of his room for a while and in the process meet a real person, [[The Wallflower]]. Like Megan, however, she rebuffed all his attempts at a more-than-friendly relationship, and eventually cut off all contact with him. Meanwhile, one of his [[The Hook Cafe|online personal ads]] led to an [[Jackie e-mails|extended conversation]] with another potential sweetheart, but Chris tripped over his duck long before he ever got a chance to meet "Jackie" in real life.

==Future==
The nature of Chris's Love Quest in the future, it seems, will be largely determined not by Chris himself, but by the trolls who choose to manipulate it for their own amusement. Chris himself has grown less and less proactive in this area, particularly as he's been distracted by other pursuits, like [[Asperchu|protracted feuds with rival cartoonists]] and [[CWC_address_to_Royal_Board|mythical disputes with foreign copyright authorities]]. He has also possibly developed a smidgen of common sense with regard to advertising his potential conquests. While Chris made a few remarks in early 2010 about his latest woman friend, he was careful to keep most of the details to himself...but, ultimately, [[The Wallflower|not careful enough]].

==Promotional Images==
During his Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Needless to say, it had an opposite effect.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0773-CWC23.JPG|You'll never guess what I just swallowed.
Image:0775-CWCCDPose.JPG|[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Way past cool!]]!
Image:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|Shredding some hot licks on my [[Guitar|gitar]]!!
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU
Image:0778-CWCPin.JPG|Staring at the Sailor Moon poster while tanning.
Image:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|Baby got back!
Image:0780-CWCrelax.JPG|Are you craving my delicious inner thighs?
Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|I've been waiting for you...
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Attraction images]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Hard Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Story of My Current Days]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Love Quest

2010-06-07T19:11:58Z

Fnord:

{{quote|I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...|Chris, in a [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|sudden moment of clarity.]]}}

{{quote|... except for the fact that [[Chris and reality | I am Handsome]] | You know what? Fuck it.}}

[[Image:Chris-Chan Warrior of Love.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]

The '''Love Quest''' (or '''Sweetheart Search''') is the ongoing, real life saga of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] to obtain a girlfriend. The stated purpose of the Love Quest (or "[[sweetheart]] search") is to meet the person who will be his true love and will solve all his problems and give birth to his children. However, Chris believes all of this will be assured upon his first successful sexual intercourse with a woman, and so for all practical purposes the true goal is to lose his virginity.

Chris is known to have had crushes on girls prior to [[2002]], but the Love Quest represents a focused effort to do everything in his power to achieve romantic fulfillment. He has often linked the Love Quest with what he claims to be visions from [[GodJesus]] commanding him to father [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|a daughter]], as well as his desire to prove that he is straight; at times these seem to be the only actual reasons Chris wants a lover.

==Origins==
===Background===
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|right|Spell cards don't work IRL, Chris.]]

The catalyst for the Love Quest was Christian's encounter with [[Sarah Hammer]] during his move back to [[Ruckersville]], and enrollment at the [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College|Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. This occurred somewhere between June 2000 and October 2003.

Sarah is presumably the first woman to tell the ever-naïve Christian, "[[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl|I have a boyfriend]]." Chris unexpectedly learned that his childhood [[gal pal]] was romantically involved with [[Wes Iseli]].<ref>[[Story_of_My_Current_Days]]</ref> Upon making this discovery, he quickly developed an intense jealousy of Wes and resentment towards him that would set his state of mind for the impending Quest.

Throughout [[2003]] Chris passively expressed his mix of longing and disappointment by way of [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] and [[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]. It is clear that Chris had at some point decided Sarah was supposed to be his soulmate, although perhaps not until he learned she was unavailable, and had difficulty accepting that this would not be a possibility. In 2005, following Sarah's breakup with Wes and hookup with [[William Spicer]], he dealt with the situation more openly and publicly in [[Sonichu 2]]. (This acceptance perhaps stemmed from his turn to a new object of infatuation - see the Megan section below.)

===Epiphany===
According to Chris, the genesis of the Love Quest was on his twenty-first birthday, 24 [[February 2003]].<ref>Chris misspoke the year as 2002 in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|this video]], but he has consistently referenced his 21st birthday, which was in 2003.</ref> On this date, he was kicked out of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] English class after a dispute with his teacher. (In his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Start_of_my_Sweetheart_Search|Wikipedia biography]], Chris claimed the teacher ejected him simply on account of his autism, but on his date with [[Emily]], he admitted that autism had nothing to do with it - he was in fact kicked out for delivering an angry tirade about [[homos]]{{cite}}.) While waiting for his next class, Chris sat and cried his eyes out, realizing there was no one to comfort him like when he cried at his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Shortly thereafter he resolved that he needed a girlfriend.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

Presumably the connection between these events is that Chris felt hurt and ostracized by his punishment, leading him to recognize his need for someone who would appreciate him unconditionally. However, Chris further states that the Love Quest ''officially'' began in August 2003<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>, suggesting that he waited six months to actually execute his plans out of sheer laziness.

===The Salad Days===
At some point early on in the Quest, Chris developed an intense, socially crippling [[Noviophobia|fear]] that all women have boyfriends. Since his [[autism]] causes him to approach social tasks in the bluntest manner possible, it can be assumed that his initial approach was to walk up to women cold and frankly ask if they would go out with him. It may be further inferred that Chris's unrelenting persistence made it extremely difficult for a woman he liked to get rid of him, short of claiming to have a boyfriend. In any case, Chris quickly lost nearly all of his confidence in talking to women and developed an irrational hatred of boyfriends, or "[[JERKS]]" (i.e., all men everywhere except himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]]). Since this time, he has always specified that his potential girlfriend must be a [[Boyfriend-free girl]] (sometimes "single, boyfriend-free girl"), as if this were not already obvious.

==Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh==
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|Miscellaneous items used during the Love Quest. Or as the Commonwealth of Virginia will eventually call it, Exhibit A.]]
[[Image:134-cwcsonstecrdgirlbck.jpg|thumb|Back of a ''Sonichu'' Business Card]]

{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

By [[October 2003]], Chris had put into practice what was "the only sensible idea I could come up with that was inexpensive": sitting on the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] campus holding a sign that read 'I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion.' This would be the first of many versions of the [[Attraction Sign]], a vital tool in the Love Quest for several years to come.

Sometime during October, the school's Dean of Student Services, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], confronted Chris and confiscated his sign. According to Chris's recollection of the event:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." [[Heart level|MY HEART WAS SHATTERED]] that very moment.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 03 May 2009}}

What is far more likely to have occurred is this: Walsh probably decided Chris was making a nuisance of himself and asked him what he thought he was doing; Chris probably delivered a big confusing monologue (possibly with a song and dance) about seeking true love; and Walsh then likely dismissed the substance of Chris's response with "You can't do that here." Walsh's point of contention was undoubtedly just the sign, but over the years Chris has demonized her into a brutal harpy whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him.

Undaunted, Chris simply made a new sign, and a few weeks later Walsh confronted him again. In late [[January 2004]], Chris revised his strategy, leaving copies of the [[Sonichu's News Dash!]] newsletter strewn about the campus, each one containing a single "personals ad" about himself. By [[February 2004|February]], Walsh had cracked down on Chris again, banning distribution of the News Dash.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], [[February 2004|February 9, 2004]]</ref> In Chris's own words:

{{quote|Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|my own attack]] that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an anger management course and see a [[Chris and psychology|psychiatrist]] for a while.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 03 [[May 2009]]}}

The extent of the "attack" Chris made against Walsh, whether it was physical or just a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, is unknown, although it would have had to have been something pretty serious to get him suspended from PVCC ''and'' forced to undergo counseling. The timing of the incident is also unclear, since Chris has cited 16 [[September 2004]] as the date of his suspension.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 16, 2004</ref>

==Conflicts with Jerkops==

By [[August 2004]], Chris had expanded his quest to other [[Attraction Location]]s besides PVCC, such as [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. It was here that he attempted a new tactic, inspired by ''[[Excel Saga]]'': laying a [[Red String of Fate]] across the mall floor. This inevitably led to a confrontation with mall security, making this Chris's first recorded encounter with the [[Jerkops]].<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], August 2004</ref>

By [[September 2004|September]] Chris had somehow learned that loitering in public places with a sign advertising his services as a boyfriend made it look like he was "trying to sell myself like a new car," but he still managed to miss the point and believe this was something he could work to his advantage. He continued to have confrontations with mall security until 11 September 2004, when he was arrested, handcuffed, and forbidden from entering the mall without one of his parents. With both of his Attraction Locations denied to him, Chris became more lonely and depressed than usual. In his diary he expressed an interest in asking "Santa Clause" for a girlfriend. According to emails leaked by [[Jackie]], Chris was completely serious and believed in Santa until he was ''24''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 2004</ref>

==Anna McLerran==

{{main|The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer}}

At some point in 2004 Chris had expanded his activities in the mall, including:

* Pacing around a lot, playing videos on his Game Boy Advance
* Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then"

He was apparently infamous to [[Anna McLerran]] and her friends by the time he finally worked up the nerve to enter the store where Anna worked to strike up a conversation with her. Anna handled herself as politely as she could while having zero interest in this idiot's pathetic romantic overtures, and apparently convinced him that she was off the market.

Despite becoming one of Chris's closest friends, Anna would later document the 2004 incident in a [[2006]] blog entry, confirming that, despite whatever good qualities she sees in Chris, deep down she knows he's a few hedgehogs short of a [[Chaotic Combo]].

==Hanna==

{{main|Hanna}}

On 29 [[March 2005]] Chris (who had somehow regained full access to the mall) momentarily believed his prayers had been answered when he was approached by Hanna, a girl who worked at the local Starbucks. She invited Chris to have coffee with her. Chris quickly overreacted to this sudden reversal of fortune, calling his mother and showing Hanna his entire [[Sonichu Scrapbook]].

[[Anna McLerran]] later informed Chris that Hanna was simply trolling him for the lulz. In shock, Chris confronted Hanna and, when she admitted the truth, ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!", exactly like they do in movies. The entire incident was a crippling blow to Chris's self-esteem and the kind of thing that would be embarrassing for anyone. Subsequently, Chris dramatized the whole story in [[Sub-Episode 2|one of his comics]], where he was able to get the last word in exactly the way he could not in real life.

==Conflicts with [[Manajerks]]==

Around [[June 2005]], with the mall becoming a more difficult place to pick up chicks, Chris turned to his local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], where he would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his sign and various nerd amusements, and wait around for hours. On 20 June 2005 Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his sign and called the police on him. Chris hid the sign, effectively avoiding criminal charges, but he was banned from the McDonald's. He interpreted this to mean he was not banned from the Wal-Mart, however.

On 22 June Chris again came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures, and the conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. According to Chris, the Wal-Mart manager attempted to reason with him...

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [sic] to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

In [[July 2005|July]], Chris relocated to the newly-opened Charlottesville [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], where he quickly found himself in trouble for loitering once again. Chris refused to leave at first. When store employees returned with police officers (including [[Bagget]]), Chris offered to leave if they would listen to a prepared speech. According to Chris's account of the incident, five men then jumped on him and hogtied him without provocation; in reality, it's more likely that they saw he would not surrender and tried to arrest him peacefully, and he resisted to the point that they had to completely subdue him out of fear of his tard rage.

In the dramatization of these events in [[Sonichu 4]], the cops need nothing short of a giant robot to capture Chris, and his twin sister rescues him so that they can destroy the Jerkops' entire operation, which of course is commanded by Mary Lee Walsh from PVCC.

Chris has said that he was eventually cleared of all criminal charges related to the dispute at Target. It was apparently at this point that his mother, in a dazzling display of parental guidance, informed him about two years too late that the Attraction Sign made him look retarded.

==[[Megan Schroeder]]==

{{main|Megan Saga}}

Chris met Megan Schroeder in the summer of 2005 and was immediately attracted by such qualities as her gender, her lack of a boyfriend and her willingness to talk to him for more than five minutes (although she compliments him for tolerating ''her''). In Chris's mind Megan was already destined to be his sweetheart, and the only thing left to do was convince Megan to accept this truth. The Love Quest was effectively on hold from this time until [[March 2008]]. All of Chris's writings during this time demonstrate that he believed he was already in a monogamous relationship with Megan and further Sweetheart Searching was largely unnecessary.

Aside from Megan's complete disinterest in romance with Chris, the relationship suffered other stumbling blocks, such as Megan's discomfort at Chris showering her with gifts; Megan's outrage over Chris's sexual harassment, hatred of men, and rampant homophobia; Megan's unwillingness to share a hypothetical hotel room with Chris; and Megan's discovery that Chris had to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|draw himself fingerbanging her]] to suppress his fantasies of assaulting and raping her. Even though she reacted as any normal human being would in the same situation, he was still shocked that she "broke up" with him and thought that all he had to do was say "I'm sorry" as much as possible.

Encyclopedia Dramatica did not ruin Chris's relationship with Megan, but Chris's obsession with defeating ED definitely did, since his attempt to blow ED's mind by posting his Rule 34 drawings caused her to discover what a deranged individual he truly is and break off all contact with him. Chris totally missed the point about the fingerbanging picture, believing that its continued presence on ED was the issue, and not the fact that he drew it in the first place. This contributed to his drive to shut the site down for much of 2008, until people on the internet figured out the simplest way to troll him...

==Internet Love Quest==
[[Image:CWCpropaganda.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
After becoming an infamous lolcow thanks to his edit war with ED, Chris began to receive unexpected attention from attractive single women who loved his comics and totally weren't just looking to troll him. Since then, Chris has taken his Love Quest onto the internet, proclaiming that his true and honest sweetheart is whichever girl he's managed to pin down. He has even attempted appealing to [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080804202349AA80xDL Yahoo answers] on how a [[Chris|'lonesome fella']] can attract a boyfriend-free-girl, going as far as mentioning his previous [[Attraction Sign|tactics]] and even [[Fail|asking his answerer to be his sweetheart]].

With each sweetheart he meets Chris follows a predictable pattern, demonstrating what he had always intended to do with any woman he met in real life. He begins with a series of proclamations of his TRUE and HONEST love, and then begins planning out how the woman will travel to his home. Chris professes to believe in the rule that sex is out of the question until the [[third date]], but since he expects every romantic encounter to end in total success he makes it clear - in as gentlemanly a fashion as he can manage - that he expects sex at the woman's earliest convenience. Amazingly, as each successive internet gal pal proves to be a [[troll]], Chris becomes more devoted to the next one, to the point that within a month of meeting Ivy online he began planning his marriage to a woman he had never even seen face-to-face.

When addressing the question of why Chris readily takes each new troll at face value, his own mindset must be taken into consideration. Chris's prospects of finding a girl locally are virtually zero, and he knows this. At the same time, the internet seems (from his point of view) to be an endless cavalcade of single, attractive women who are fascinated with him, making it an irresistible resource in his Love Quest. By now Chris is fully aware that each woman he meets online ''could'' be a troll, but each time he readily accepts evidence that she is not and dismisses out of hand any suggestion that she is. He does this because he ''wants'' to believe she's real; the alternative is to surrender to despair.

==Returning to real life==
In Chris's final chat with [[Sarah May]] from early March 2009, he claimed that he planned to give up looking for a [[sweetheart]] online, and return to searching for a girl in local [[Charlottesville]]. [[Trolls]] everywhere rejoiced, for this could only mean one thing - a return to the fabled [[Attraction Sign]] and the days of his exploits against the [[Jerkops]] and his other IRL misadventures.

This effort only lasted so long, however. Chris's first attempt at a real-life date, with [[Emily]], ended in tragedy (for him) after the intervention of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. During the brief [[Rollin' and Trollin']] era in the early summer of 2009, Chris was allegedly spotted prowling Charlottesville Fashion Square in his ''Guitar Hero: Metallica'' tattoo sleeves, but it wasn't long before he gave up and retreated back to the internet.

In late [[October 2009]], after a long hiatus, the [[sweetheart]] cycle began again, with the advent of the incredibly disturbing [[I Love You Kacey]]. Chris initially found success in his campaign to pry Kacey away from her current boyfriend, [[Liquid Chris]], even managing to meet her in person on multiple occasions. Later, though, the relationship collapsed under the weight of Chris's bizarre and disturbing behavior.

The opening months of [[2010]] saw Chris land himself in romantic misadventures both in reality and online. He managed to pry himself out of his room for a while and in the process meet a real person, [[The Wallflower]]. Like Megan, however, she rebuffed all his attempts at a more-than-friendly relationship, and eventually cut off all contact with him. Meanwhile, one of his [[The Hook Cafe|online personal ads]] led to an [[Jackie e-mails|extended conversation]] with another potential sweetheart, but Chris tripped over his duck long before he ever got a chance to meet "Jackie" in real life.

==Future==
The nature of Chris's Love Quest in the future, it seems, will be largely determined not by Chris himself, but by the trolls who choose to manipulate it for their own amusement. Chris himself has grown less and less proactive in this area, particularly as he's been distracted by other pursuits, like [[Asperchu|protracted feuds with rival cartoonists]] and [[CWC_address_to_Royal_Board|mythical disputes with foreign copyright authorities]]. He has also possibly developed a smidgen of common sense with regard to advertising his potential conquests. While Chris made a few remarks in early 2010 about his latest woman friend, he was careful to keep most of the details to himself...but, ultimately, [[The Wallflower|not careful enough]].

==Promotional Images==
During his Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Needless to say, it had an opposite effect.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0773-CWC23.JPG|You'll never guess what I just swallowed.
Image:0775-CWCCDPose.JPG|[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Way past cool!]]!
Image:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|Shredding some hot licks on my [[Guitar|gitar]]!!
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU
Image:0778-CWCPin.JPG|Staring at the Sailor Moon poster while tanning.
Image:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|Baby got back!
Image:0780-CWCrelax.JPG|Are you craving my delicious inner thighs?
Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|I've been waiting for you...
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Attraction images]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Hard Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Story of My Current Days]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!

2010-06-05T22:22:24Z

Fnord:

'''NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!''' is a video uploaded 14 [[August 2009]]. This is Chris's response to [[CChanSonichuCWC]]'s finale. The video contains the first appearance of Chris's sign to save [[McIntire Park]], which appears later in a video recorded from [[Charlottesville]] public access television.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTER
| image = {{#ev:youtube|MqNhOEBVxtk}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 14 August 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}
| Saga = {{Liquid}} [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = {{RedBlackTrim}} Red with Black Trim
| previous = [[CWC Public Disclaimer]]
| next = [[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[Image:Sonichu_Rosechu_Save_McIntire_by_Cwcipedia.jpg|thumb|Save it to the extreme, you two!]]
Oh no you don't Chris! You're not getting away that easy! You do all that, [[Chris and the Law|I will SUE your sorry ass]]. And I wanna tell [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Nintendo]] in Redmond right away to stop you, because they know as well as I do. I sent them a letter previously months and months ago for the origi-for the original printout of the [[Sonichu 0|Number Zero book]]. They know! They have the records. ''They know''. I have been a customer of them FOR YEARS! They have had my money a bunch of times! Long before I made up with Sony and gave them [[monthly tugboat|over two th...]] Hah... [''Does an incredibly gay hand gesture; then makes an odd squealing sound''] Nintendo has like five TH- over five thousand dollars worth between me and my parents but anyway. I'm st... Anyway, you are not-you will not succeed. [''Points finger at camera''] You are the IMPOSTOR!

[''backs away from the camera''] YOU ARE THE IMPOSTOR! STOP - THAT - BROWN - STRIPED - IN - THE... SHIRT... [''nods head''] WITH THE PAPER MEDALLION! STOP THAT IMPOSTOR [''Shows a drawn cardboard, the Sonichu [[McIntire Park]] sign''] [[Sonichu|SONICHU]] AND [[Rosechu|ROSECHU]] ARE MINE ''ALONE''. I AM THE Christian Weston Chandler, [''begins to speed his speech''] born with the birth name of [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] on February 24th [[1982]], I'm the one [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr]] as my father and [[Barbara Anne Weston Chandler]] as my mother, [[14 Branchland Court]] [[Ruckersville]], Virginia 22968 434 990 0198 STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, ''EVERYTHING! STOP HIM!'' HE DESERVES ''NOTHING!''

{{RageQuote|DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU}}

[jump cut]

[''reappears without glasses'']Especially after I disclaimer video I made where I told them by not to buy anything from you, I warn Nintendo, and [[Hex Bawx|Microsoft]], and Sony, do not buy anything from him either, HE'S the impostor, I'M the real deal, LOOK AT THE HISTORY ON [[ED]] AND EVERYWHERE ELSE. You will rot in jail, mister... ssss... you will rot in jail, Nintendo has known me for years, slala... so much longer, practically my whole lifetime. They know me. And they know you to be the impostor. You go into Nintendo's doors, they ''will'' kick your ass out. Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony, STOP HIM! PUT HIM IN JAIL! CALL THE [[jerkops|POLICE]] ON HIM! Anybody else, in my [[True and Loyal Fanbase|true loyal fanbase]], do the same thing, please help me, put him in jail when you see his sorry face. And you know what? Let's top this off. Right now. No ''Shin'', we're going for the original. Just for that impostor that has worn the brown stripes all this time. Hmmm... Curse-ye-ha-me...

{{RageQuote|''HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!''}}

[''jump cut'']

Call the police on him. [[Stress sigh | (Sighs)]] Have a nice day.

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Public Disclaimer]]|nextlink=[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Sonichu (comic)

2010-06-01T16:44:00Z

Fnord:

==About His Comic's Rating==
In his mailbag, he claimed that his comic was rated "TV-Y7" and that he disliked Alec's comics for the amount of gore, sex, etc in it when in fact his own comic includes this. By the time I got to issue 7, I had already got a lengthy list of "offenses" that the comic makes that violates a TV-Y7 rating (even though it's not on a TV, but whatever). Should I include this in the article? -[[User:Scarf|Scarf]] 23:52, 25 January 2010 (UTC)

==Comic upload project==
So people have an authoritative source to read the comics in case Chris decides to fuck around with CWCipedia, I'll start uploading them here. We can probably rip off the code from CWCipedia so we can have like a comic reader but in the meantime, I'll upload the comic images.

First I'll start with the original version, before the retcons, and then we can upload the retcon editions. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:29, 27 September 2009 (CEST)

== Notable mention? ==

I'll just leave this here

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Sonichu

--[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 04:32, 17 May 2009 (CEST)

==Ruckersville, Virginia vs CWCville, Virginia==

...or lol, inconsistencies.

Christian's comics appropriate all events, and characterizations of the people he knows from the Real World '''into CWCVille'''. However, the lines are blurred in the early (semi-autobiographical) sub-episodes. There's no blatant CWCville signage, yet they contain all the ridiculous fictitious bullshit.

Issue 6's photo collage has the best delineation between the two worlds in showing fat-fuck Christian turn his back on reality to become what appears to be a slim 14-year-old animu mayor extraordinaire with his zombie dog. [[User:Mall Conductor Bear|Mall Conductor Bear]] 07:53, 18 May 2009 (CEST)

== .RAR file ==

Since both Chris's and [[The Miscreants]]' websites are down, would someone happen to have the link to the .RAR with all the comics from the latter? That'd be a good thing to have in the links section, for those who want to look at the comic for whatever reason. --[[User:Lime|Lime]] ([[User_talk:Lime|Scold?]] | [[Special:Contributions/Lime|Undo?]]) 03:40, 28 July 2009 (CEST)

== Alt Future ==

I'm just curious...but what would've happened to the comic had the trolls never found Chris? We all know that about Issue 7 (6?) was probably the latest to not be influenced by troll activity. Since the ED page was the final stra that broke Megan, would she still be in the comic? And what about Crystal, blah, blah, blah. Opinions?

== Alt Future ==

I'm just curious...but what would've happened to the comic had the trolls never found Chris? We all know that about Issue 7 (6?) was probably the latest to not be influenced by troll activity. Since the ED page was the final stra that broke Megan, would she still be in the comic? And what about Crystal, blah, blah, blah. Opinions?--[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 18:13, 2 August 2009 (CEST)

== Comic Sans ==

Should there be mention of his use of this terrible font in the article? [[User:DrSmouse|DrSmouse]]
: It has already thoroughly ''not'' been mentioned in [[Chris and art]]. =) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 16:43, 6 November 2009 (CET)

== How about a Meet Sonichu historical document article? ==

[[Image:389-CWCSchuCross.jpg|thumb]]

--[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 16:28, 6 November 2009 (CET)

: Uh, what about it? It's already transcribed in [[Animal Crossing Documentary]] (since it's an article about an article about the Animal Crossing Documentary. Do we really need an article about an article about the article about the article about the Animal Crossing Documentary? --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 16:43, 6 November 2009 (CET)

::Rly? OK. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 16:44, 6 November 2009 (CET)

== List of issues table thingamajig ==

Nice work, I like it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:35, 24 May 2010 (UTC)

== ''Sonichu'', now by Vivian G ==

http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/FAQ --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 08:35, 30 May 2010 (UTC)
: As an unfortunate side effect of the CWCipedia takeover, a large chunk of the Sonichu episodes are offline. Pretty much every issue past 7 isn't on the Sonichu site, and now the only way to read the newer issues is to look at the videobooks. Are there any other mirrors for the Sonichu issues? Or maybe we could set up a mirror here on the CWCki? [[User:Fnord|Fnord]] 16:44, 1 June 2010 (UTC)

Help:A Quick Guide to CWCki

2010-06-01T01:17:11Z

Fnord:

'''GREETINGS, TRUE AND LOYAL SONICHU FAN!''' So, you wish to edit the wiki on the Internet's most beloved and most hated autistic manchild? This isn't your average [[4-cent_garbage.com|/b/tard]] shit that you're getting yourself into. So here's a cwc (pronounced: 'quick') guide to CWCki:

==When it comes to dates, be a Eurofag==

This: dd Month Year

Example: today is {{CURRENTDAY}} {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Not this: Month dd, year

Example: today is {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTDAY}}, {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Likewise, avoid numerical dating ('''{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''' or '''{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''') because that confuses the hell out of people depending if you're a Eurofag or Americunt.

While Americanized spellings are the standard, it's still a good idea to use Eurofag dating to avoid confusion.

Furthermore, it's easier to link to.

For instance, if you went with Eurofag dating, to link to a month, all it would be is:

'''<nowiki>dd [[Month Year]]</nowiki>'''

whereas an Americunt dating would be:

'''<nowiki> Month dd [[Month Year|Year]]</nowiki>'''

==When it comes to spelling, be an Americunt==

Chris is American as are a majority of trolls. As a result, Americanized English is the standard for CWCki. So no unnecessary vowels (unnecessary us, os, etc.), it's a "truck" and not a "lorry," it's an "elevator" and not a "lift," etc.

However, on a similar note, please be considerate of our Eurofag brethren. Some Eurofags are not totally familiar with American TV shows, food chains, etc. which Chris frequently references so it is helpful to add a mild explanatory note for these (such as comparing Chris's beloved [[Golden Corral]] to British buffet chain Beefeaters). For instance, if a game title has a different title in Europe, by all means mention this (such as how ''[[Animal Crossing]]: City Folk'' was known as ''Animal Crossing: Let's Go to the City'' in Europe).

==The possessive of Chris is "Chris's"==

Your English teacher was wrong. When it comes to proper nouns, you are suppose to append 's at the end, even if the name ends in "s" (the exception is formal archaic name, like [[GodJesus|Jesus]], but then it'd be "the parables of Jesus" or a name where it would be very awkward to add another s, like "Jess").

Page 1 of Strunk & White's ''[[Wikipedia:The Elements of Style|The Elements of Style]]'' states this, and this is the standard [http://www.economist.com/research/styleGuide/index.cfm?page=841359 The Economist] uses. Some argue the opposite but those people are [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Sign your comments==
If you're making a comment on the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]] or on a talk page, please sign your comments. It's four tildes in a row (<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>). That way, we know who said what and makes life a whole lot easier.

==Don't be a namefag==

'''DON'T FUCKING ADD YOURSELF.'''

The general guideline for trolls having their own articles are trolls who have interacted directly with Chris and have been referred to by Chris in some explicit way (such as [[Clyde Cash]]).

There are a few exceptions but for the most part, unless we've heard of you via Chris, you don't warrant your own article. Besides, no one probably gives a shit about your shitty troll persona or your shitty CWC site (lol).

You are however free to do with your User Page on CWCki as you wish, within reason (i.e. don't add a zillion pics not related to Chris to it, or use it as a text dump for your porn site passwords, etc).

==A note on notability==
Related to namefaggotry is notability.

While not as strict as [[Wikipedia:Notability in Wikipedia|Wikipedia]], CWCki still maintains a guideline of notability: '''if Chris has responded to someone or something, it warrants a mention on CWCki.'''

In other words, a random guy who makes a video response to Chris doesn't warrant their own article. Otherwise, we'd have a wiki full of faggots trying to be funny with "NASTY, CHRIS DRINKS HIS OWN SEMEN!"

To clarify, by the first part, someone or something that has caused a response from Chris warrants mention on CWCki. For instance, [[Evan]] warrants his own article because of the infamous [[masturbating and squirtin']] e-mail as well as [[Simonla Rosechu]]. [[Clyde Cash]] warrants his own article as Chris has made several videos threatening Clyde's life.

'''Update - 12 October 2009: for fan works, unless Chris has made direct mention to them, such as the [[Audiobooks]], they should belong in [[Fan:Index]].'''

The major exception to this rule is any mainstream media references to Chris. No, not some random blogger or some random person on YouTube but actual TV, radio stations, or high profile blogs (ex. Fark, The Atlantic, etc.). These references should be incorporated into the Chris related media they cite.

And of course, anything Chris does or says is notable and deserves mention on the CCki.

There are of course exceptions that are dealt with on a case by case basis.

==Brevity is wit==

Don't ramble on unnecessarily. '''Learn to edit yourself'''. Read what you've written. Is everything in it entirely necessary? Can it be reworded to better effect? Think about what you yourself might read. Would you really be interested in reading a 10,000 treatise on the psychology of Chris's bowel movements? So why should anybody else? If so, what the Hell is wrong with you?

This especially goes for summaries. Remember what they are - ''summaries''. They shouldn't be longer than the transcription/article being commented upon. Keep psychological mumbo-jumbo to a minnimum, or preferably, to yourself.

===Suppress your own Autistic urges.===

This goes for fans of anime/video games/comics. Chris might own your videogame or watch your anime. He may even mention it from time to time. This doesn't mean it warrants a CWCipedia page, and it certainly doesn't mean you need to reference it every third article.

==LURK MOAR==

Before adding an article, check to see if it hasn't been added already. CWCki isn't exactly [[Chris and Wikipedia|Wikipedia]] or [[ED]], so everything might not be redirected. You may have to search a bit but it helps if you look for articles before duplicating them. Same applies to images.

If you think a redirect would be appropriate for a particular search phrase, go ahead and add it: <nowiki># REDIRECT [[target page]]</nowiki>. Keep in mind, that the phrase should be a fairly generic and common term, and relevant to the particular target.

==Privacy==

Information wants to be free, blah blah blah. While CWCki is very unabashedly uncensored, it's wise to wait before posting things. Although Chris is very dense when it comes to denying the truth even when clearly presented to him, some trolls are sensitive about leaked info and wish that their "covers" not be "blown" so be considerate.

==LURK MOAR==

Some people come here straight from reading the [[ED]] article on Chris and decide they want their hand in editing. Unfortunately, the ED article on Chris-chan is frequently out of date, or it misses out on very recent developments.

If you're going to be editing CWCki, hang out in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] and read the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC forums]]. These are hot sources of all the goings on with Chris and keeps up to date with all the most recent happenings. Just don't be a fag or else you'll be banned.

Likewise, spend some time reading and listening to everything Chris related, including the chat logs, sex audio, all of his videos, [[Mumble]] chats, etc. Yes, it requires an unhealthy amount of time but you'll get deeper into the rabbit hole and want to see how far it goes. These things are generally not on the ED page and you'll miss out on a lot of details on Chris (for instance, [[Reginald Chandler]] or how Chris [[semen|drinks his own semen]]).

==Dive right in==
Even though you should lurk moar, don't be afraid to edit the CWCki. ''Anyone'' can and should edit the CWCki. You do not need to "prove yourself" to get a CWCki account and you will not be banned if you make a mistake.

If you're posting complaints about the CWCki on PVCC or Krapple, you're doing it wrong. If you see something wrong with CWCki, feel free to make your opinion heard or to take matters into your own hands and fix things.

==POV is the norm==
Fuck neutral point of view - this isn't Wikipedia. CWCki's guide is to document the Internet phenomena of Chris-chan for troll purposes. Given that the manchild has clearly shown to be [[Barack Obama|racist]], [[homos|homophobic]], and just plain [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|perverted]], not to mention he proclaims himself to be some sort of celebrity, it's only fair he gets the negative criticism that comes with being a celebrity.

So go ahead, criticize Chris, but don't try too hard. If Chris lies, it's fine to say he's a liar. But by implying that by lying he's "scum of the Earth," "a worthless piece of shit," etc. then you're just trying really too hard.

[[CWCki:NOTED|We're not ED]], we're here to document Chris and mocking is mostly indirect.

==Updating da update==

[[Da update]] is perhaps what most people come to CWCki for, to see what is new with Chris. But what constitutes an update?

Chris releasing a new video? Hell yeah!

Leaked stuff with Chris in it? Definitely.

Something you heard off some guy in IRC? No, not really.

Something you heard off [[/cwc/]]? No.

Something you heard that someone heard off ED? Fuck no.

In order for something to be considered update worthy, '''it has to be a publicly available media involving Chris.''' While there are many reliable sources who can provide information on Chris, it still does not hold up to encyclopedic standards, which CWCki strives to adhere to. While it is okay to incorporate such information into articles ''as'' alleged information, it is not an update to say that Chris has ''allegedly'' done something.

==Cite only publicly available media==
On a similar note, '''only publicly available forms of media are acceptable forms of citable material on CWCki.''' This means that PVCC posts, private audio files, etc. are not acceptable to cite in articles, even if the authenticity is without question.

The goal of this is to promote transparency and to allow the trolling community at large to easily verify if the citation is true or not.

==Resize your images==
Please try and resize your images so they're under 150 kb before you upload them. Seriously, it only takes like, a minute in MS Paint to resize them. If you're not sure how, here's a [[Help:Resizing images|handy guide]] on how to resize images. [[Fail]]ing that, we have [[User:Fuckingstupid|resident]] [[User:Whoreos n' Milf|experts]] to answer any further questions, or to help you with resizing things.

If it's a huge animated .gif, then it better be damn funny and/or amusing.

==DO IT, FAGGOT/what goes on CWCki should stay on CWCki==
If you see something wrong or a mistake on CWCki, '''fix it.''' Don't start a thread on [[Krapple|/cwc/]] about how you saw something wrong on CWCki and say how you can't believe it's wrong. Fix it. Don't complain about a video link being dead, find a working link and add it to the article. If you're not sure how to fix it, then make a comment in the article's talk page addressing your concern about the article. Likewise, don't make a thread about how you'd like to see CWCki address [x] topic. Make that article. If it sucks, it'll get deleted. If not, others will have a chance to build it up.

Likewise, discussions pertaining CWCki should be on CWCki. If you have a beef with someone, don't bitch about them on [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]]. Keep it on CWCki and things can be resolved. Likewise, if you want to collaborate with others to work on an article, you're more than welcome to go to other forums to do this but by all means mention this on the CWCki itself.

==Learn how to pipe==
Read [[Help:A Guide to Piping|this]] as a guide to linking to other articles on the site.

---

Follow these simple rules and you'll become a regular CWCki wikifag in no time!

==See also==
*[[CWCki:CWCki is|What CWCki is and is not]]

[[Category:CWCki policy]]

Clyde is Weaker than Water

2010-06-01T01:12:30Z

Fnord:

[[Image:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|Check out ''these'' guns!]][[Clyde is Weaker than Water]] is the third video threatening [[Clyde Cash]], uploaded by [[Chris]] on 30 [[October 2009]]. The proper use of still in the current video helps the intimidation factor since we don't see Chris straining with effort on this one.

Chris also shows that he can lift a chair (the same feat of strength and the same chair appeared in an old [[Power|video]]) and reveals that he is "repulsed" by "shirtless dudes" with "ugly pecs", advising them to wear a "[[muscle bra]]" (whether this is because Chris is a [[JERKS|self-hating male]] or overly muscled guys remind him of his latent [[Homos|homosexual]] urges remains to be seen).

Note how [[Mass Debating|his right arm appears slightly larger than his left]], go figure. Also of note in this video, we see that Chris's [[hair]]line has receded even more noticeably than before. At his current rate of follicle failure, his [[My Little Ponies]] may soon have to depend on manes of the pubic variety. Another thing Chris [[fail]]s at is coming up with a slanderous title: in martial arts, one of the most common advices is to "be like water", soft like a calm stream, but also strong like a thundering waterfall, and Chris is implying that Clyde is, essentially, as skilled at fighting as a martial artist. Not to mention, water is technically "strong" if you consider all the crap it "holds up."
{{clear}}
__NOTOC__
==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Clyde is Weaker than Water
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZZIyR8bWvRs}}
| stardate = 30 October 2009
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[SHE_IS_MINE_NOW#Ian's video| SHE IS MINE NOW]]
| next = [[Getting Foam Ed]]
}}

===Transcript===
Huh! Look at Mr. [[Clyde Cash]] now! Heh! His muscles are so weak, they fall right down. Look at that, he's so weak and feeble. Heh, look at him. And you know what, I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a [[muscle bra]]. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.

But anyway, you wanna see real muscles, check these out. [''The image changes to several photos of Chris [[fail|flexing]], the final one of him holding an office chair above his head with a strained look on his face. Chris does a very poor a capella rendition of "[[Wikipedia:The_Final_Countdown_(song)|The Final Countdown]]" throughout.'']

But anyway, enough said about me. This guy is really weak. Stay tuned for another ''piece''.

==See also==
*[[30 Push-Ups]]
*[[Power]]
*[[Sports bra photo series]]
*[[I AM STRONG]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgetytXwyxE WATER IS GOOD], the response from Clyde
{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[SHE IS MINE NOW]]|nextlink=[[Getting Foam Ed]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and art

2010-05-30T19:20:38Z

Fnord:

[[Image:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|Chris's earliest known drawing from when he was 15.]]

[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Chris is an expert at proportion.]]

'''Art''' has been, and always will be, [[Chris]]'s selling point. From the very day [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] found out about Chris and his creation of Sonichu to today, many people have taken interest in Chris because of his infamously bad artwork. Encouraging Chris to produce more of it remains a popular troll objective.

The sad part is, this is the closest Chris has to an actual "skill." It's no wonder he's never been able to keep a job.

__TOC__
{{clear}}
==Chris and the medium==

=== Exercise of skills and improvement in craft ===
[[Image:0025-ChristophersMicroMornings.jpg|thumb|Not bad for a grade schooler. Sadly, he peaked in the [[1980s]].]]
Since Chris first started drawing, his artwork has been abysmal. The extent to which it has improved since the first time he drew Sonic the Hedgehog is accidental. Chris has never considered his artistic skill in need of improvement; he is always fully satisfied by the first attempt at a drawing he makes.

Because he believes his art is already perfect, Chris does not see the need to practice. He does no drawing exercises. He cannot look for room for improvement in his drawings because he refuses to accept the idea that his drawings can be in any way flawed.

Chris has said he spends "an hour at most" drawing a comic page and about a half-hour coloring it.<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In which Chris insults someone who drew a picture for him]]</ref> In other words, he invests only a fraction of the time most serious artists put into their work.

Chris seems to view the act of creating as almost a chore. Because to him every idea he has is perfect from the moment it pops into his head, creating is just a matter of recording his genius. Chris enjoys expanding Sonichu stories in summary form on [[CWCipedia]], a medium better equipped to keep up with his racing and easily distractible imagination. Chris considers everything he says or writes to be a part of his comic's continuity partly because it is easier to record these euphoric and fleeting bouts of inspiration as they occur rather than days, weeks, months or even years later in comic form.

Chris believes that everything he creates is inherently worthy of adoration, and that it will bring him legions of adoring fans and the [[China|attention]] of women.

=== Comic writing and structure ===
{{main|Chris and writing}}

Chris is as poor a writer as he is an artist. Chris does no preparatory writing or preliminary revision, his narrative is wholly improvised and shifts regularly, he cannot write clear, succinct dialogue, and has little regard for visual clarity.

=== Choices of materials and technology ===
[[File:Marker Section.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Crayola is the official art supplier for the Sonichu franchise, whether they like it or not.]]

Chris believes that his so-called "hand-drawing style" is superior to art produced by any other means. This is due to Chris's hatred to change what he has already learned and his belief, as a consequence of his [[Chris and his ego|ego]], that his method is the best by virtue of being his.

Obviously, Chris's skill cannot compensate for the poor materials he uses. He does his work a disservice by using tools that are the cheapest available: copy paper, ballpoint pens and Crayola Magic Markers. These happen to be the tools he has used since childhood.

Chris's artwork is far from archival quality, and in some instances shows [[Wedding Comic|signs of wrinkling]] as soon as it has been finished. Chris has defended his practice of [[Chris and writing#Dialogue|rampant textwalling]] as a way to "save marker ink."<ref>[[Mailbag 19]]</ref>

Chris appears to have some version of Photoshop at his disposal (as seen in the "Spider-Man-fucking Clyde" saga), but uses it sparingly outside of lettering. Chris's font of choice is ''Comic Sans'', a font that is almost universally condemned as overused and ugly.<ref>[http://bancomicsans.com Ban the Comic Sans]</ref><ref>[http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052007 They will make you taste the curb]</ref>

Chris believes that using new technology creatively provides an unfair advantage in the service of inferior results. Chris has consistently called Asperchu "blocky and low resolution" because it was drawn with a tablet. In one of [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|phone calls to Alec Benson Leary]], Chris said his hand drawn art had "more character." He also thinks that his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|web page]] was awesome because it was made from "notepad scratch," rather than with a text editor program.

=== Drawing techniques ===
[[Image:CChanDraws.jpg|thumb|left|Strange pen grips can be corrected with the assistance of school teachers. Chris slept through these lessons.]]
Chris has never even learned to hold a pen correctly. Instead of holding the front of the pen with the thumb and forefinger, he draws with his index finger sticking out and bent around the pen.

While most artists will produce multiple sketch versions of a single drawing, often layered on top of one another, Chris's confidence in his innate artistic ability is such that his first step in a page of Sonichu is drawing the final art in pen.

=== Visual style and anatomy ===
[[Image:099-CWCsCWC.jpg|thumb|Nice arms you got there, Chris.]]

Before the comics, Chris attempted realism for work in oil pastel, charcoal and graphite, presumedly for art classes in school. The results can be [[Chris and art#Gallery of Art|seen below]].

Chris started out with a cartoony style for the comic book, full of techniques consistent with early efforts at drawing by small children. Things changed as Chris got into [[anime]] and manga, and sought to emulate them to impress his [[gal-pal]] at the time, [[Megan Schroeder]]. Like many amateur western artists, he copies only the surface elements of the anime style: big eyes, pentagonal heads, speed lines. These art elements were simply laid over his original "style" with no adjustment.

Chris has no understanding of classical anatomy and proportion in figure drawing. Finer details of human anatomy have long escaped him. Because Chris never draws them with pronounced hips, Chris's women tend to resemble children or men, with [[Pedofork|unfortunate]] [[Lovely Weather|implications]] in either case. Chris draws characters as colored-in outlines. What's worse is that even though his characters are simple shapes, they aren't even consistent simple shapes. Limbs morph, heads change size, and faces become unrecognizable; it's only by color scheme that we can guess which character is which. Beyond his differently-colored eyes and Sonichu medallion, no two Chrises have ever looked alike, or even remotely resembled the actual Chris.

Chris owns at least one book about drawing manga, as seen in [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]]. The book in itself covers everything to do with portraying couples, including images of couples in bed making love. Whether Chris bought it to better draw out his delusional fantasies or for more material to gawk at during [[mass debating|Mass debating]] isn't known. Either way, the book has taught him nothing.

=== Character design ===
::''See also [[Chris and Writing#Characterization|Characterization]]''

A large portion of Sonichu's cast is clearly derivative of existing characters. In addition to the obvious Sonic the Hedgehog recolors, Chris has lifted designs from any anime, video game, or even western animation he is fond of, with no regard for visual consistency.

Beyond that, he doesn't even bother trying to design better clothing for his characters. Most of them wear stereotypical "basic" clothing and Chris himself wears his usual clown shirts and pants. With the sole exception of [[Meg-chan]], every female that shows up in his comics wears high-heeled dress shoes.

Even when the source of Chris's plagiarism is readily apparent, these lifts can still add up to less than the sum of their parts. Inspired by the fusion characters of [[Dragon Ball Z]], [[Colossal Chan]] looks more like a hobo than a fusion of Chris and Chris-Chan Sonichu. Though clearly his own effort to design Baby [[Pokemon]], [[Sonee and Rosey]] look more unnerving than adorable.

===Fan Service===
[[wikipedia:Fan service|Fan service]] is a term used to describe something that is meant to tease or please the audience. It can refer to focusing on popular characters, making inside references that only the die-hard fans will get, romantically pairing off (or hinting at the possibility of pairing off) fan-preferred couples, or many other techniques of telling the fans that the writer knows what they want, or thinks so, anyway. Primarily, however, it has come to refer to scenes of a sexually titillating nature, such as dressing attractive characters in revealing outfits or framing the shot or panel in such a way as to draw attention to the character's shapeliness. That's certainly what it means here.

Since his discovery by the Internet, Chris has inserted increasingly large amounts of fan service into the initially tame Sonichu in an effort to assert the heterosexuality of himself and his characters. The range of fan service in ''Sonichu'' includes panty shots, Rosechus [[women's rights|stripping]], cameltoe indentations, and even a full [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17|sex scene]] followed by four pages of text and diagrams describing Sonichu and Rosechu's sexual anatomy.

Due to his lack of artistic faculties, much of Chris's depictions of sexuality are highly unsettling to most readers. Any attempts to add "sexy" material come across as Chris's own wish-fulfillment, rather than attempts by Chris to please his audience.

While the point of fan service is to hint at sexuality in an otherwise clean work meant for general audiences, Sonichu's sexual content hides nothing and disturbs many, despite the fact that Chris has always viewed Sonichu as a comic intended for children.

== Chris and the industry ==
{{main|Chris and the industry}}

In the [[Sonichu Chronicles]] and [[Chris's resume]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his art is of professional quality, and expects to enter the comic and video game industries. His résumé states a desire to produce Sonichu comics under contract for Marvel Entertainment or Archie Comics. By all indications, this is an idle wish as Chris expects to be approached by these companies first. Chris has consistently shown little comprehension of, or interest in learning about, how the creative industries actually work.

==Originality==
He has [[Things_Chris_has_ripped_off|none]]. Let's leave it at that.

==Plagiarism==
: ''See also: [[Chris and copyright]]''

Sonichu is a fine blend of a wide variety of recognizable copyrighted elements. Just about any existing media that Chris has ever expressed a fondness for appears in some capacity.

Chris has a long history of claiming all credit for fan characters initially acknowledged as being created by others and offered for use in Chris's comics. The first of these were [[Megagi]], [[Jiggliami]], and [[Layla]], but the most infamous instance, and the one that Chris defended the most fervently, was [[Simonla Rosechu]].

At the same time, Chris once had a policy of threatening nonexistent legal action against the creators of any Sonichu fan art he could find, and was worked into a [[12 January 2010|magnificent rage]] over the Sonichu-derivative fan work [[Asperchu]].

===Tracing===

'''Tracing''' is an art technique where another piece of art, in whole or part, is copied along its outlines. As a means of producing original art claimed as one's own, tracing is a form of plagiarism.

Images traced from existing copyrighted content appear regularly in Sonichu. Chris traces with the "Reflecta Sketch," a since discontinued toy tracing kit produced by Spin Master. The kit comes with a reflective piece of plastic where an original can be placed to the left and the reflection is used for tracing an outline. This is why most traced images in Sonichu are mirror images of the original work. Due to their poor quality, consistent in appearance with Sonichu art that is not traced, these traced images often go unnoticed as tracing. The fact that Chris [[Fail|fails]] even at tracing is a surprise to no one.

===Traced images from the Sonichu Comic===
<center><gallery>
Image:Trace1.jpg
Image:Trace2.jpg
Image:Trace3.jpg
Image:Trace4.jpg
Image:Trace5.jpg
Image:Trace6.jpg
Image:Aquateenvssonichu.jpg
Image:SAV-Swindle.jpg
Image:RClina.jpg
Image:PunislavBarrier.jpg
Image:Bumble-Lumba-Bumblebee.jpg
Image:Prowl prower.jpg
Image:SOUNDAXE.JPG
Image:CrackderISthundercracker.jpg
Image:Familyguytrace.png
Image:Cwct1.JPG
</gallery></center>

==Rule 34==
[[Image:Chris and Rule 34.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's creations believe that his [[Rule 34]] artwork is "lifelike".]]

As Chris has no shame, neither does his artwork. Of his many sexually explicit drawings, the most damning one of all is [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]], which brought an end to the Megan Saga and cemented the notion that Chris was an incestuous [[pedofork]].

As seen in this gallery, Chris can't even copy bad porn to save his life, with Rosechu turning into a deformed monstrosity in each panel, all for the sake of [[Chris and sex|sex]]. Especially noticeable is the final picture, which shows off a recurring trend in his pictures: the "Glowing Cunt", in which Chris draws the "[[cum]]" from the woman ''around'' and ''outside'' the vagina instead of from the inside, making it appear to glow.

It can be reasonably assumed that all of the images in this gallery are traced, and that those not paired plagiarized source material simply have yet to have their "inspirations" discovered.
=== Gallery of traced Rule 34 pictures ===
{{collapsible
|Incredibly horrific and NSFW, this is your last chance to escape with your sanity
|<gallery>
Image:Chris-chan Traced.JPG
Image:Chris-chan Traced 2.JPG
Image:chrischantraced3.jpg
Image:Chris-chan Traced 4.JPG
Image:Chris-chan Traced 5.JPG
</gallery>}}

==Gallery of Art==
Seen below is a selection of Chris's public school art assignments, from a slideshow on Chris's homemade [[DVD]]. At his high school graduation, Chris expected to be "Highly Recognized" for his "ARTISTIC TALENT," represented in this body of work. When he was not, he cried.<ref>[[Manchester High School#Graduation]]</ref> This work was produced under the supervision of a professional art instructor and the incentive for Chris to give each piece more thought, care and attention than he now prefers to when creating only for his own satisfaction.

{{collapsible
|Gallery of Chris's art
|<gallery>
Image:441-CubScoutShield.JPG|Defending the honor of [[Chris and health|junk food everywhere!]]
Image:442-HedgehogShark1.JPG|Sculpted in such a way that it looks like a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|toilet]] at first blush.
Image:443-HedgehogShark2.JPG
Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|Fox McCloud one month after crash-landing in the middle of Africa.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|The result of Rosechu's late-term abortion.
Image:446-CWCWeave.JPG|The teacher quickly thought up something to keep Chris occupied for the rest of the lesson.
Image:447-CWCSonicPlate.JPG|Coming soon from Franklin Mint...
Image:448-CWCWigwam.JPG|Ancient relic of the [[Cherokian Clan]].
Image:449-CWCDreamCatcher.JPG|It doesn't catch dreams. It ''stares into your soul.''
Image:450-HedgehogFish1.JPG|Sad to say, it was originally Chris who came up with the "Long fish is loooooo
Image:451-HedgehogFish2.JPG|oooooooooooong" meme.
Image:452-CWCsBunchOfArt.jpg|Scan of a print of a photograph of drawings. How very meta!
Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|[[Autism]] is in Living Room. Autism is in Wife. Autism is in Children and - well - Autism is in Life.
Image:455-EspanolicAndVegaton.JPG|A rare shot of Chris's largely forgotten Pokémons, Espanolic and Vegaton.
Image:459-CWCsBanjo.JPG|Banjo, the champion of Christianity and bright colors.
Image:460-CWCsComputerGraphicsPoster.JPG|In the first lesson, the computer graphics teachers usually say something like "don't go crazy with the effects, m'kay?" Chris never listens.
Image:463-SonicAndTailsBunch.jpg|Magic Eye picture that reveals absolutely nothing. We tried.
Image:464-CWCSpeckle.jpg|The teacher who traumatized Chris wasn't was actually the principal - it was the art teacher, who forced Chris to make a drawing with prickly-wicklies.
Image:465-CWCsStarCoilPot.JPG|An ash tray that shoots tobacco straight to the Sun - powered by dark magic.
Image:466-CWCNecklace.jpg
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|It's... off-center.
Image:468-SonicCup.JPG|Sonic [[Yawning Squirtle|unfocuses]].
Image:469-SonicCupSide.JPG
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's shield was eaten.
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Following in Ed Gein's footsteps.
Image:472-CWCWingCapDish.JPG
Image:473-YarnPot.JPG
Image:474-SquarePot.JPG
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|A relaxing person who bears little resemblance to Chris.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|The same. Hilariously enough, [http://www.miketyndall.com/todd_goldman/ Todd Goldman] ripped off the "[[White knight#Chris will reject your advice|I just don't listen]]" things on the background. Everything is interconnected! [[Soul Calibur|Tracing and ignorance, fiercely entangled!]]
Image:477-PastelDuoPic.JPG
Image:478-PastelHorses.JPG
Image:479-PastelSunset.JPG
Image:482-SwirlingEspanolics.JPG
Image:483-RainbowLeaf.JPG
Image:484-MergingPeople.JPG|Art class pictures usually have some sort of central idea the teacher gave to the students. Chris is unable to communicate it to us.
Image:485-CWCsF.JPG|It's a passable drawing, so it's possible Chris didn't fail the class. But if it is a drawing of failure, did he also create his first time paradox here?
Image:486-CWCcatchesaPikachu.JPG|Chris looks at a happy-faced Pikachu with a murderous stare.
Image:487-CWCMergedinArt.jpg|A clever idea. Probably his teacher's, though.
Image:488-100_0521.JPG|Something that looks like the shopping mall, but actually isn't.
Image:489-100_0522.JPG|"I wish I were in [[Inos|Jamacia]]" (sic). Deep-rooted wishes, I see.
Image:490-100_0523.JPG|Colorful arboreal antics.
Image:491-100 0524.JPG|Possibly "L" and "O". Could be a corruption of LOL.
Image:492-100 0525.JPG|Raichu, a Transformer, Sonic, Game Boy and Nintendo 64 controller.
Image:493-100 0526.JPG|See, he ''can'' draw a proportional drinking straw. [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] was ''deliberate''.
Image:494-100 0527.JPG|Indistinct shapes, possibly [[Crass and Champ|crabs]].
Image:495-100 0528.JPG|A collage of weird local imagery.
Image:496-100 0529.JPG|Daffodils. which, in Greek mythology, first came forth as a result of [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]]. Also: Skeleton.
Image:497-100 0530.JPG|[[Christian's name change|The bear]] keeps on truckin'.
Image:498-100 0531.JPG|[[fapcup|Jars]]. A proudly standing bottle and a tomato, casting nice round shadows.
Image:499-100 0532.JPG|Mysterious floating keyring.
Image:500-100 0533.JPG|Not sure what ''this'' is, but it looks a bit phallic.
Image:501-100 0534.JPG|Chris's Ash Ketchum get-up.
Image:503-100 0537.JPG|Pikachu, Mew, what looks like Chris's personal Pokégear stuff, and an ad for [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].
Image:504-100 0538.JPG|[[April 16 Fetish Vids|Shower]]???
Image:505-100 0539.JPG
Image:506-100 0540.JPG|[[R.L. Stine]] books and Pokémon.
</gallery>}}

==TL;DR==
Chris is an anti-artist.
== Sauces ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Naïve

2010-05-30T19:09:49Z

Fnord: whoops

[[Image:Naivewater.png|150px|right]]

{{quote|oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "NAIVE", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.
But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.|Chris to [[CChanSonichuCWC]]}}

{{quote|I'm not saying I'm dumb...or naïve.|Chris, being ironic}}

'''Naïve''' is one of [[Chris]]'s most-used insults. According to Merriam-Webster's English dictionary, the word "naïve" means "deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; especially: credulous"<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/naive Merriam-Webster's online entry about "naïve"]</ref>; Chris, however, defines it in his [[The July 10th Messages|July 10th Messages]] as merely "questioning one's intelligence", showing that he only understands the most overly simplified definition of the word. He also refers to it as "the cruelest of words". He often pairs it with "[[autism|retard]]", "[[slow in the mind]]", or one of his many other [[CWC-ism]] insults.

Chris has called others (largely [[trolls]]) "naïve" on many occasions. In a comment on one of [[CChanSonichuCWC]]'s videos, Chris calls his voice "more grating than the word 'naïve'". Later in the same saga, he remarks that the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] sounds "about as bad as the word naïve to me now". It has never occurred to Chris that assuming that other people find the word "naïve" as offensive as he does is — well — naïve.

The origins of Chris's disdain for this word likely come from occasions when it has been used against him in attempts to give him constructive criticism, such as the [[Vivian Gee E-mails]]. He seems to have twisted its original, relatively polite meaning into the worst insult he can muster. When [[Father Call|Kacey's father]] called him naïve, Chris became enraged, almost to the point of threatening physical violence.

=== Ways that Chris is naïve ===
* He believes that [[Sonichu]] is a popular internet topic with millions of fans. Despite all of the evidence proving that Sonichu has no real fans, only 5000 or so trolls, he continues to belive in this delusion on the grounds that he is an "optimist".
* He believes that everyone shares [[Death threats|his]] [[Mass Debating|bad]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|habits]].
* He is under the impression that just because [[Asperger_syndrome|Asperger's]] is a different name than [[Autism|High Functioning Autism]], it's a completely different syndrome, despite no proof of this belief.
* He thinks that all [[Homos|gays]] are [[Chris|malicious perverts]] that want to have [[Chris and Health|anal]] [[Chris and Sex|sex]]
* He believes that [[Sonichu_(character)|cartoon characters]] are [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_2|real, living beings]] that exist in an alternate [[CWCville|world]].<ref>From the [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_2|second]] of the [[Alec Benson Leary calls]].</ref>
* He believes that [[Chris_and_Copyright#Copyright_registration|registering "digital drawings"]] with the Library of Congress gives him [[Chris_and_his_ego|complete control]] over [[Fan:Index|anything]] done with [[Sonichu]].<ref>The subject of the video "[[Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day|Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]."</ref>
* He believes that simply being alive counts as "experience", despite the fact that he never goes out to experience anything.

==Sauce==
<references />

{{stub}}

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Naïve

2010-05-30T19:09:26Z

Fnord: That quote doesn't really fit here

[[Image:Naivewater.png|150px|right]]

{{quote|oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "NAIVE", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.
But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.|Chris to [[CChanSonichuCWC]]}}

{{quote|I'm not saying I'm dumb...or naïve.|Chris, being ironic}

'''Naïve''' is one of [[Chris]]'s most-used insults. According to Merriam-Webster's English dictionary, the word "naïve" means "deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; especially: credulous"<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/naive Merriam-Webster's online entry about "naïve"]</ref>; Chris, however, defines it in his [[The July 10th Messages|July 10th Messages]] as merely "questioning one's intelligence", showing that he only understands the most overly simplified definition of the word. He also refers to it as "the cruelest of words". He often pairs it with "[[autism|retard]]", "[[slow in the mind]]", or one of his many other [[CWC-ism]] insults.

Chris has called others (largely [[trolls]]) "naïve" on many occasions. In a comment on one of [[CChanSonichuCWC]]'s videos, Chris calls his voice "more grating than the word 'naïve'". Later in the same saga, he remarks that the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] sounds "about as bad as the word naïve to me now". It has never occurred to Chris that assuming that other people find the word "naïve" as offensive as he does is — well — naïve.

The origins of Chris's disdain for this word likely come from occasions when it has been used against him in attempts to give him constructive criticism, such as the [[Vivian Gee E-mails]]. He seems to have twisted its original, relatively polite meaning into the worst insult he can muster. When [[Father Call|Kacey's father]] called him naïve, Chris became enraged, almost to the point of threatening physical violence.

=== Ways that Chris is naïve ===
* He believes that [[Sonichu]] is a popular internet topic with millions of fans. Despite all of the evidence proving that Sonichu has no real fans, only 5000 or so trolls, he continues to belive in this delusion on the grounds that he is an "optimist".
* He believes that everyone shares [[Death threats|his]] [[Mass Debating|bad]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|habits]].
* He is under the impression that just because [[Asperger_syndrome|Asperger's]] is a different name than [[Autism|High Functioning Autism]], it's a completely different syndrome, despite no proof of this belief.
* He thinks that all [[Homos|gays]] are [[Chris|malicious perverts]] that want to have [[Chris and Health|anal]] [[Chris and Sex|sex]]
* He believes that [[Sonichu_(character)|cartoon characters]] are [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_2|real, living beings]] that exist in an alternate [[CWCville|world]].<ref>From the [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_2|second]] of the [[Alec Benson Leary calls]].</ref>
* He believes that [[Chris_and_Copyright#Copyright_registration|registering "digital drawings"]] with the Library of Congress gives him [[Chris_and_his_ego|complete control]] over [[Fan:Index|anything]] done with [[Sonichu]].<ref>The subject of the video "[[Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day|Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]."</ref>
* He believes that simply being alive counts as "experience", despite the fact that he never goes out to experience anything.

==Sauce==
<references />

{{stub}}

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

12 January 2010

2010-05-27T15:58:07Z

Fnord:

[[File:Rawr fag.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Chris screams for Asperchu!]]

'''12 January 2010''' (officially '''01122010.MOV''') was uploaded by [[Chris]] on 12 [[January 2010]]. In this video, Chris, [[Chris and reality|delusional as always]], mentions talks about working with now-defunct anime distribution company [[Wikipedia:A.D. Vision|A.D.Vision]] (now known as Section 23) and gives a shout out to a mysterious girl named Ginger before going into a [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] over the [[Asperchu]] ads on his site. Also, Chris asserts his alleged heterosexuality by placing a ''[[Playboy]]'' centerfold featuring Marge Simpson on his rear wall.

At the end, he punches out his camera, thus ensuring many videos with skipping audio (or even worse) to come.

Pay careful attention his [[hair]] in these videos: at first glance, it may not seem too bad, but look again. That's a proto-combover. Chris can't even go bald with dignity.

A few hours later, he posts up a second video, raging [[Mailbag 36|about]] [[Mailbag 37|various]] [[Mailbag 38|questions in]] [[Mailbag 39|his mailbag]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, ALEC!!! }}

==Part 1==

{{Tardrage}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 01122010.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|eKo4EDlVRxc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 12 January 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Advicedogshirt.png]] [[Advice Chris|Advice Dog]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]] Saga
| previous = [[Down with Asperchu]]
| next = [[12 January 2010#Part 2|12 January 2010, Part 2]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

Captain's Log, January 12, 2010.

Uh, first off, a couple of bentos-a couple of small anouncements, uh...

I'm possibly in talks with, uh, [[wikipedia:A.D. Vision|A.D. Vision]] about a project, possibly. But also, uh, hi Ginger.

Alright, so with that aside, let's uh, get down to the [[duck|meat]] here. Again, ''down'' with that god damn [[Asperchu|Alec]]! I mean, he pai- he paid off that-s god damn... [[Jack Thaddeus]] just so he can take over the stupid ad space. Ugh, I mean, I would prefer Jack Thaddeus ''back'' at this point!

Goddammit! You're ticking me off here! [[Death_threats#Alec_Benson_Leary|I'm gonna come after you!]] I'm gonna come after you. I'm gonna sc- I'm gonna ''RUIN'' you! LEARY!!

ERNGH! [''glasses removal''] You just make me so ANGRY...

[''Chris displays the [[Claw of Fail|claws]] and grunts for a little bit before punching out his camera.'']

==Part 2==

{{Tardrage}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 01122010 Update.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|DszuxeOXE3k}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 12 January 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Advicedogshirt.png]] [[Advice Chris|Advice Dog]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]] Saga
| previous = [[12 January 2010#Part_1|12 January 2010, Part 1]]
| next = [[14 January 2010]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
[[Image:LiquidOn12Jan2010.JPG|thumb|[[Liquid Chris|Liquid's]] two cents.]]
[''[[Sigh|Sighs]].''] Just... further... update. I am so sick, and tired, of having to deal with all these people who have so many goddamn misunderstandings and mislabelings!

First off, Asperchu is ''not mine''! I am sick and tired of being misa-misassociated with him. He is not mine, and I would never care to associa-ha-him because he is a bunch of crap! He just looks like a parody of me with a [[Obesity|buddha belly]] and exaggerated manboobs! [''Adjusts [[Muscle_bra|bra]] underneath his shirt''] And I am so sick and tired of him.

And also Rosechu has always been a woman! If you look on page three of [[Sonichu 0|book number one]], it says right there that that Raichu was a girl, quote unquote GIRL RAICHU. And Sonichu has been straight the whole time! He's always been straight, Rosechu's always been a woman...

[''A long pause as Chris is overcome with [[dirty, crapped briefs|emotion]].'']
{{RageQuote|'''''RRRRRAAAAAAAARRRGH!!''''' }}
[''Pants for a few seconds.'']

If only people would just understand me better and quit the mislabelings and the misunderstandings, and quit making offensive comments and offensive questions and officient statements then maybe I would be more-feel more at peace! [''Sighs again.''] Leave it at that for now. Ta-

[''Video cuts off abruptly.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Down with Asperchu]]|nextlink=[[14 January 2010]]|}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

{{Troll Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

Sonichu 0

2010-05-24T01:23:06Z

Fnord:

[[Image:issuezero.jpg|thumb|''Sonichu 0'' Cover]]
'''''Sonichu 0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian]] Weston Chandler's [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]].

At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu 0'' features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild boy [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokemon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokemon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokemon is "as pretty as a rose", and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_0/Page_8 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].
==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many <s>sickening</s> heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}
==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokemon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokemon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Pokeball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and in his capacity as the city's mayor congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]].

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early CWCville. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokeworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}
==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[Jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in ''[[Sonichu 4]]''.
{{clear}}
==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris callously responds that he's suffered worse...

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', <s>coming soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Gamecube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu 0'', but moved to the back cover on the more recent CWCipedia version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' will continue to run in future issues, all the way through ''[[Sonichu 6]]''.
{{clear}}
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*[[Fan:Sonichu Remake]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Biological clock

2010-05-23T01:18:57Z

Fnord:

'''Biological clock''' is the [[CWC-ism]] that [[Chris]] uses to refer to his [[Wikipedia:circadian rhythm|circadian rhythm]] (his sleeping pattern). Although this is technically not an incorrect use of the term, "biological clock" is more commonly used to describe the period of fertility in women, so Chris just sounds (even more) stupid when he yammers on about fixing his biological clock. One of Chris's reasons for needing a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] is to fix his biological clock. Chris's infatuation with [[Ivy]] can be traced to the fact that she vaguely helped Chris have a normal, set sleeping pattern.

[[Image:Rapeclock.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction of Chris's biological clock]]

He first explained his sleep habits in an edit on his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article:

{{quote|YES, I drink A LOT of Soda from [[Wikipedia:Coca-Cola|Coca-Cola]] to [[Wikipedia:Pepsi|Pepsi]] to [[Wikipedia:Powerade|Powerade]] [the latter of which is not a soda]. I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking biological clock as well. I sleep from fucking six AM to twelve-fucking-thirty. BIG REASON I need a Sweetheart, so she can help me back on track towards getting back to the morning hours that I used to have during my High School years. Fucking [[Adult Swim]](tm) and [[mass debating|random projects]] keep me up all night as well.|CWC, 11 Nov 2007. <ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

He is oblivious to the fact that the real reason he used to sleep during the night in high school is that he used to actually have some reason to get up in the morning. Parents (and college students) know that it's common for school-children during the summer to get their sleep patterns messed up because they now can "stay up as late as they want". Since leaving [[PVCC]] Chris has had no job, no friends, and no life outside of [[mass debating]], making up things involving [[Sonichu]], and his [[Love Quest]], allowing him ample free time to stay up all night drinking caffeine. Yet, despite never leaving the house (thus negating the purpose of a standard sleep cycle), he seems to think that it's a perfectly valid excuse for not uploading comics on schedule.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref>

Chris's nocturnal habits during much of the 2000s appear to be the primary reason that "Attraction Time" during his [[Love Quest]] occurred in the mid-to-late afternoon.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009

2010-05-19T19:55:12Z

Fnord:

[[Image:Ivy.png|thumb|left|Chris was enraged over the fact that this picture, along with some information about Ivy, was leaked.]]
[[Image:Tard_Rage.png|thumb|A short summary of the video.]]

"'''CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update!!!!! 03272009'''") is a video in which [[Chris]], outraged over the leaking of secret information that he undoubtedly freely distributed to some stranger on the internet, blew his stack and expressed his outrage through the only outlet he has, by yelling empty threats and dirty words on the [[YouTube]].

In the video, Chris threatens repeatedly to stop drawing the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], which is pointless since he will never stop working on his comics as long as he's willing to do whatever his [[Trolls|fake girlfriends]] tell him to do. That, and nobody really gives a crap about his [[Family Guy|shi]][[The American Rabbit|tty]] comics anyway, so announcing the ceasing of production on the comics is quite pointless, even though he is pretty much punishing his [[Fanbase|fanbase]] for his own dumb mistakes. [[Asperchu|(Perhaps this one of MANY reasons why his fanbase is turning to Asperchu...)]]

He also vows to take samples of [[Clyde Cash]]'s handwriting to the [[Jerkops|police]] (you know, the same people he hates for interfering with his [[Love Quest]]) who are sure to see his side of the story this time. Just how the cops are going to be able to use Clyde's handwriting to locate Clyde and arrest him is never made clear.

{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update! 27 March 2009
| image = {{#ev:youtube|oUCn5jp2cJI}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 27 March 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}
| Saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House#Outside|Tour of Chris's House - Outside]]
| next = [[Chris Sings Lovin' You#Watch|Chris Sings Lovin' You]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

[''deep breath''] [[Captain's Log]]. I believe it is the 27th.

Maaaaaaajor update. I am SERIOUSLY ticked off right now, because information about [[Ivy|my girlfriend]], even though it was accidentally leaked to a trusted individual, it turns out that that individual POSED as one of my gal pals from [[Manchester High School|high school]].

But anyway, I—apparently my, my sw—my—I—I wi—I swear to God that—cont—that [[4-cent_garbage.com|any—ANY...thing]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|to intrude in my life]] [[Trolls|to make me feel—in my life and within my family]]... [''balls hand into fist, overcome with rage''] Nnngh! I swear to God, [[Lie|the comic will cease]]! But also, I swear to God, that I will GO TO [[Jerkops|THE POLICE]] WITH EVERY HAND WRITTEN DOCUMENT THAT WAS SENT TO MY FAMILY! And we have hand written d—we have a [[Chris and English|hand-written... hand-writing]] from [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]. And a typed letter within that envelope that has HIS HANDWRITING on that envelope! I will go to the police; I swear to God, my family and I will go to the police! With all of this information.

So... in my [[Love Quest|romantic life]], and amongst my TRUE [[gal pals]], in my lifetime, and ESPECIALLY my girlfriend:

{{RageQuote|''BACK'' THE FUCK ''OFF!''}}

You back the fuck off. Or... I swear—also... myeah. Ceasing of the comics. I will go to the police! You do not want to get on my bad side AGAIN! OR EVEN WORSE!

{{RageQuote|'''''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I WILL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!''}} '''I WILL ''PAWCH'' HIS LIGHTS OUT!'''

If I ever '''MEET''' that bastard! In ''person''.

But anyway, I'll say it again. LEAVE ME AND MY FRIENDS ''ALONE''!

I will be continuing my comics at the moment. But any FURTHER incident and not only will I STOP the comic, but I WILL go to the police. ALL RIGHT? Back the fuck off.

Have a good day.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Get back Clyde Cash, you don't know me like that!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x_GG_8LtYYw}}
| Stardate = 28 III 2009
| Maker = falsionmkii
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Eva Unit Chris Strangles Clyde Cash
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lGnXXTALXzY}}
| Stardate = 03 April 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/BigBlackPony BigBlackPony]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Tour of Chris's House]]|nextlink=[[Chris Sings Lovin' You]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-03-27]]

Chris and health

2010-05-15T20:44:31Z

Fnord:

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some [[Guitar Hero]] on [[Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:Cwcpergers.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2 years.]]
[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in 5 years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|right|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or Burger King (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring caloric intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy-to-make food that often is not healthy.{{cite}} Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home, or fast food, either alone or with his father.
* Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara (although with her deteriorating health, her poorly cooked meals may just become replaced by more fast food) or fast food.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence#Constipation</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no veggies or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atorvastatin Lipitor] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.
 
===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]
* [[Chick-fil-A]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in Sonic-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

[[Image:Skateboarding1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris has never heard of this.]]
[[Image:Basketball-dunking-on-someone.jpg|thumb|Chris has never heard of this as well.]]

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing video games, his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. One might say that Chris is actually strong from having a lot of weight; however, in normal people, this happens because the muscles must build up in order to be capable of moving a large weight. Since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of blubber, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has done on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.

==Hygiene==
{{quote|And [Sonichu] showers afterwards with shampoo and soap. [[Lie|He showers DAILY, and I shower Daily.]]|Chris<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said body odor masked with gallons of Axe.

Because of the lack of showers and the decrepit state of his home, the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. Curiously, he endorses Axe Shower Gel. Considering that he refuses to take showers and is a sucker for Axe products, one wonders what he even bothers using it for.

Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes. Close perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as many as three or four days at a stretch. Fortunately, for his wardrobe at least, Chris sleeps in the nude, except for socks.{{cite}} There's something to think about.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

It should be noted that in the [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]], neither of them recall Chris emitting any particular stench, implying that this is a problem that started after Chris stopped regularly going outside.
{{clear}}

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}
==Mental health==
[[Image:THAT ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.gif|right]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some ''Playboy'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and rainbows. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he was. Clearly she needs to seek professional help too. Or she was just telling him that because, well, that's what mothers do.

* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[Billy Mays]] would have looked the same if Billy shaved off his beard. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg Sonichu 7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==
In [[Jackie e-mails|recent correspondence]] with Jackie, Chris revealed he was checked for STDs.

'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Bent at an irregular angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost otherworldly horror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly Peyronie's disease), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably, thankfully, never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in [[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this photo]] of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a 3-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried. So far, there has been not even a guess as to why his voice sounds so weird, or why it's even gotten worse — in his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls Conker of ''Conker's Bad Fur Day''.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]