CWCki - User contributions [en]

Hair

2016-03-11T22:09:46Z

Georgesheardexpress9:

[[File:ADlEp.jpg|thumb|400px|center|Chris's hair in all its glory.]]
[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

==Condition==
[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a [[tomgirl]].]]
Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, [[Barb]] served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his [[clown shirt]] and social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. His hair has entered something of a plateau, as even when he does take a shower, his hair's appearance virtually remains the same, as evidenced by his [[HairDifference|video demonstration]]. Nor has switching shampoos helped. In his early 20s, Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his Love Quest, he shifted to "[[AXE]] brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a tomgirl, he changed it again to Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." Nothing seems to have worked, as the photographic record clearly indicates. Firsthand observer [[Catherine]] thought it "looked like straw."

Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygienic habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh...I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

[[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman.]]

For most of his life he kept it short and didn't alter it significantly, but since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began in 2011, Chris has taken to bleaching his hair and growing it long. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although [[Christian Weston Chandler#Early Life|early photos]] from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dying his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple years it remained at approximately this length.

[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]
[[File:Flirt1.jpeg|thumb|In 2014.]]
[[File:CWC34.png|thumb|Chris in 2016, showing horrible [[tomgirl]] hair dye and receding hairline.]]
Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his tomgirl/lesbian identity. In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. He had to wear a wig for a while. He also saved a clump of hair clippings and wore it around his neck in hopes that it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>

{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}

Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly [[anime wings]] to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival and [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]] of 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink [[My Little Pony]] tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.

==Hair loss==
Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. Since hitting his late 20s, his hairline has been receding very quickly. In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event in 2010, a bald spot was seen starting to appear on the back of his head. By 2014, at 32, pictures showed that his hairline had receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair was more poorly managed, looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. While his hair is long, it has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. His attempts to brush a few locks forward do little to hide his constantly growing forehead. Catherine claimed in 2014 that it was "halfway" back on his scalp.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob]] was bald too. Ominously, [[Chris and health|inactivity]], [[McDonald's|poor diet]], illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.

Chris seems to be completely in denial about his hair loss, making no discernible efforts to retard it. When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris asserted that he was not going bald, and he was untroubled. "When it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge," he declared.

It should be noted that if one alters a photograph of Chris to remove his bastardized bangs, his hair looks almost exactly the same as it did before 2013 - slowly thinning and as greasy as ever.

==Body hair==
[[File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|thumb|Embarrassed Chris with hairy naked legs.]]
Chris has never found body hair attractive, on himself or anyone else. This is probably connected to [[Chris and gender|his hatred]] of [[JERKS|men]] and their bodies, and it began long before he became a tomgirl. In 2008, he confessed that "shorts are okay, but I don't like to show off my hairy legs." A strange [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card shows him dressed in the costume of a female character, but deeply embarrassed, in part because the dress exposes his legs, which he depicts as covered with hair. He also claimed that "facial hair, to most women, is a Turn Off," which is his [[autistic]] way of saying that he thinks beards are ugly. Consequently, early [[nudes]] of Chris showed that he shaved his torso and pubic region.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris with visible stubble on his chest from shaving or waxing.]]

It is telling that part of his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|costume]] meant to throw off the trolls included a goatee. When he needed to reclaim his identity, he pointedly [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved it off]] for the camera within two weeks.

After becoming a tomgirl, he put more effort into removing his body hair, at least initially. He told [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. [[Chris and brand loyalty|I would not recommend the product.]] And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my [[manboobs|nipples]]. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few [[dreams]]. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth.|Chris to Jackie|}}

He also said he had given himself a "Brazillian." A Brazilian wax consists of the removal of all pubic hair, something Chris has clearly desired for a long time.

Despite Chris's efforts, photos throughout 2013, 2014 and 2015 consistently showed that, on his face at least, whatever depilatory measures he was taking were an utter failure, as his facial stubble - his "5:00," as he calls it, is always apparent. As with every aspect of his life, his laziness thwarts his dream of looking like [[Britney Spears]].

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls could have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Trolls|or a dude pretending to be one]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair and placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a [[Sonichu]] drawing, but the [[Spanish]] side had [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].

==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[HairDifference]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

I Love You, Catherine

2014-10-15T16:44:32Z

Georgesheardexpress9:

{{Articleofthenow}}

"'''I Love You, Catherine'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]], by [[Chris]], on [[October 2014|4 October 2014]]. The video contains an apology to a [[Gal pal|girl]] named Catherine, who is presumably the [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|mystery sweetheart]] Chris had posted about on [[Facebook]] in previous months. It should be noted that Chris is seen wearing [[Tomgirl|a skirt and stockings]] throughout the entirety of the video, while also sporting his old [[Manchester High School|high school]] sweatshirt. A woman's headband can be seen in his ever-thinning [[Hair|hairline]] (which is receding and the bald spot at his vertex is developing) throughout the entirety of the video, as well. At the rate his ever-thinning hairline is receding and the bald spot at his vertex is developing, he'll resemble "Winston Payne" from "Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney" -- that is, he'll be almost completely bald on top with long, stringy hair to compensate. His ever-thinning hairline which is receding looks even MORE noticeable than it did a mere few months prior. He is also shown to be at his lowest point since [[CWC is Sad]], speaking with a low monotone and at parts almost tearing up.

It may not be entirely impossible that Chris is showing actual '''remorse''' here, instead of his [[Chris and remorse|usual bullshit]]. Either that, or this is just him being sad over getting close to losing some [[China|china]].

Note that the video has [[Chris and cinematography|the usual]] murky green tint as well as skips in the audio, despite Chris having gotten a better camcorder as shown in "[[Hello, my sweety baby]]". It is possible that Chris's old [[PSEye]] was the only camera he was able to salvage in the fire, and that his new camcorder was destroyed.

==Description==

{{quotebox|I deepestly apologize to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to Colin for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to Shaina for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better Lesbian Transgender Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person ([[Troll]]) who has found the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

==Summary==
Being the first and currently only video (aside from [[Video games|Mario Kart 8]] playthroughs) uploaded by Chris in 2014, it seems to have been filmed in the [[Rental House|rental house]] Chris and [[Barb|his mother]] have been staying in, since the events of the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]]. The video primarily consists of Chris apologizing to his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|latest partner]], whom he has apparently been in an open relationship with.

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Love You, Catherine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvMWpKKw8k4}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2014]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}
| previous = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

===Transcript===
''["[[wikipedia:Theme from A Summer Place|Theme from A Summer Place]]" playing in background]''

--is Christian Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]. I'm recording this vid-video because I have... [[Chris and remorse|apologies to make]]. I...want to apologize to, uh... Shaina, who was...a good friend of mine - but not my s- girlfriend - uh, been helping me- been helping me out in relaying details and whatnot amongst, uh, my... sweetheart, another one of my gal-pals, and uh, uh ''[does his [[stress sigh]]]''... new... man of the hour. Anyway, um, alright, Shaina has been relaying messages on and off between me and, uh, uh... his name is Colin, and, uh, my sc-school gal-pal Rebecca who introduced me to Shayna in the first place. Anyway, I, uh, with my sweetheart, uh, everyone oughta know her by now who knows me, because they found the CD I gave her. Yeah, her name is Catherine. So, yeah, with that, uh, I would really appreciate having the CD sent back to me and I'll make sure she gets it 'cause it's the master copy, as well as the master print and handwriting in there, so I would really mu- appreciate getting that back.

Anyway, I've royally screwed up here, because, uh, while Catherine was in New York recently, for, uh, a bachelorette party of a friend of Shaina's, uh...''[deep swallow followed by sigh]'' sh-...yeah, uh, Colin asked her and Shaina asked her to go out for a sailboat ride. Uh, Shaina couldn't make it but Catherine went. They had a good ti- they had a fun time on the boat. Nothing else happened. Colin treated her with respect, and I'm guessing kept his distance, but definitely respected my sweetheart, and uh... I made assumptions because I did not know better and I had other fears in my mind as well. I had, uh, [[Noviophobia|assumed]] Colin was the type that would [[rape|take advantage]] of other women, and, uh... most importantly, Cat- my Catherine, and I had assumed from what he told me that, uh, it was kind of, uh, lackadaisical, and insincere. Would not take, uh, would not listen to me very seriously.

Anyway, I beg to put it into a pun, I've made an ass of myself by making so many assumptions. Anyway, it all turned out very bad, especially for, uh... Catherine... [[Chris and his ego|and me]]. I've just been feeling really bad about that. Uh... I'm sorry, Shaina, for putting you through the in-between people-- work-- luh, I appreciate you doing that very much. And Colin, I'm very sorry for all the [[JERKS|assumptions]] I made about you. I would like to think better of you as a person, and I... I trust you-- I am trusting you from the-- all that, yeah. And most importantly, I'm very sorry to my sweetheart Catherine. ''[Chris facepalms]'' I just... She's been going through a lot as well... she need- she needed a good time as well to get away from the bad things of life that's bothering her, but it's relevant to her father. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Anyway, Catherine, you mean the world to me, sweetheart, you really do, and.. I mean to treat you as a partner, I do. And I don't mean to treat you as a child, uh... I've been going under a lot of my own [[Stress|stresses]] lately. ''[Begins to tear up a little]'' Especially in response to everything, and I... ''[Chris facepalms again]'' I miss my father every day... Sigh.. It all hurts. My [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris and religion|soul]], they what to you, Catherine, they really-- I-I really do send my heart out so if you wanna keep it with you, keep my heart and soul as well. I love and I care about you so much and I respect you and I mean very well in my intentions. [[ShecameforCWC|Always]]. Even if they aren't the best impulses out of all that. [[White_Knight#Chris.27_life_would_still_be_a_disaster_even_if_the_trolls_never_bothered_him|I'm very sorry for all the mistakes I've made]]. ''[Chris facepalms a third time, then starts his godawful singing.]''

I can't stop [[Lovin' You|loving you]]~

Deep within my heart~

[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|I don't know all the lyrics]]~

So I'll just sing from the bottom of my heart~

And the depths of my soul~

''[Dramatic pause]''

I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Hello, my sweety baby]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Chris and remorse

2014-10-15T01:14:34Z

Georgesheardexpress9:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|Please, just forget about me in total; please, disband all online groups and individual hatreds against me; please, remove everything about me off of the Internet, your minds, and your hearts.|[[Chris]], after making a public apology on [[Facebook]].}}

Every so often, one of [[Chris]]'s [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|less]] [[Twin Falling Towers|flattering]] deeds catches up with him, and he is forced to apologize. These apologies, like most of the other times Chris tries to come off as emotional, often feel very forced and insincere, leading many [[trolls]] to wonder if Chris is even capable of feeling '''remorse'''.

It's not out of the question. A common trait of [[autism]] is a lack of empathy, meaning it's likely that Chris has a difficult time trying to understand what other people feel. Time and time again he's shown himself unable to understand others' feelings of [[Chris and death|loss or sadness]]. He seems equally incapable of understanding how his actions could possibly hurt or anger others. When he is expected to show remorse, it often seems as though he is just going through the motions, making the absolute minimum effort to get whoever he has upset to stop pestering him, so he can go back to his oblivious existence playing [[PS3]].

==Concept of Wrongdoing==

Developing an understanding of right and wrong is an important part of a child's development. Very young children don't take into consideration what is ethically the right or wrong thing to do. They base their actions on whether they are punished or rewarded, before they eventually internalize a consistent value system and learn to police their own behavior. Chris seems to be stuck in the former, childlike state. If something makes him feel bad, or if experience tells him he'll get in trouble for doing something, it must be wrong. If it makes him feel good, or looks like it could have potential rewards, it must be right. Other considerations, such as what his [[Chris and religion|supposed faith]] proscribes or how this will affect others, simply do not rank.

An excellent example would be how Chris managed to destroy his relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]]. Chris was at war with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], who were, among other things, calling him [[Homos|gay]]. In an attempt to disprove their allegations, Chris uploaded [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a certain image]] to the website, apparently under the belief that that sort of information overload would get them to shut up. When the denizens of ED assumed the image was of Crystal, Chris was quick to correct them. At no point did he even consider Megan's feelings. When she [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|called him out]], Chris didn't realize he had done anything wrong, and assumed she was upset simply because she didn't watch enough [[Chris and sex|porn]].

{{Quote|I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of [[Chris and English|outtercourse]] (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you. I'm sorry.|Chris, [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|not getting it at all]].}}

As such, Chris isn't really capable of remorse or a sincere apology. The natural precursor to an apology is the internal realization that one has done something wrong, a realization that Chris's childish, self-centered mindset will not allow him to reach. In his mind, he's done something "wrong" only when the people around him react negatively. Furthermore, as a rule, he assumes that their reaction is just the result of some misunderstanding, reasoning that if he was just given the chance to explain what he was trying to accomplish, they would understand, and all would be forgiven.

==Motivation to apologize==
[[Image:VivianLetsTalkBusiness.PNG|thumb|TL;DR: I'm sorry, now give me money.]]
As explained above, Chris's logic when it comes to matters of right and wrong is almost wholly reactionary. His rationale for apologizing follows the same pattern. He issues them only when made fully aware that he won't get what he wants unless he at least tries to appear genuinely remorseful.

Every apology Chris has ever made can be immediately connected to something Chris wants, and thinks he'll get if he says the magic words "I'm sorry". We almost never have to guess what that thing might be, he almost always mentions his desired goal in the same paragraph, sometimes even in the next sentence.
{{Quote|I wish to apologize to Michael Schneider for that mistake I made over nine months ago that got me kicked out of The GAMe PLACe... I miss my Friday nights over there… and also... y’all are the only place in town that has, uh, Eye of Judgment cards.|Chris, [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apologizing in order to buy stuff]].}}
{{Quote|I apologize for the past unformalities[sic] and emotional outbursts in past communications... I ask for 25% of all money... you have and will have made from all [the [[audiobooks]]] you have put together and sold.|Chris, apologizing for sending [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] a fucking [[Death threats|death threat]] ... [[Chris and reality|so that she'll pay him]].}}
[[File:154-ApologyLetter.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
Because Chris's apologies spring from this simplistic cause-and-effect mentality, things tend to get interesting when whoever he's issuing them to tells him that all is not well, and that he is not forgiven. In [[I am Alive|one notable case]], he admitted to ungentlemanly conduct regarding his feud with [[Asperchu]]. It was a fairly obvious attempt to get [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia_Advertisements|certain ads removed from the CWCipedia]], but, notably, he announced his intention to kill off the character of [[Simonla Rosechu]], in accordance with [[Evan|her creator's]] wishes. He didn't act quickly enough, and CWCipedia was taken down from the web altogether. Although his anger was understandable, Chris revealed in [[9 February 2010|his next video]] that he had never intended to kill Simonla in the first place, and that the apology was not TRUE and HONEST. We had all suspected as much, but it's nice to get a confirmation once in a while. After CWCipedia returned, he did indeed kill Simonla, but only under pressure, and in the most contrived, dull, yet very lulzy way possible.

The one apology that arguably highlights Chris's insincerity the most is his in-comic apology to the Asperpedia Four, which takes place ''while [[Chris_and_Hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|condemning them to death]]''. The cognitive dissonance this creates would be overwhelming to any sane person, but [[Autism|for some reason]], Chris thought that this ludicrous non-apologetic apology was both okay and that the recipients would accept it as genuine. In that very same issue in fact, Chris at one point sheds a tear after sealing up the populated [[4-cent garbage.com]] building and destroying it. You know, because faking remorse with crocodile tears ''totally'' justifies mass murder.

Chris's insincerity can also be seen in Chris's misadventures with [[The Wallflower]]. When the shit hit the fan and she cut off all ties with him, he made his usual [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pathetic display of sorrow]], making it very clear in the process that he had only wanted her for [[sex]]. When his apology failed to work as planned, Chris became very angry and spiteful, and started [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|demanding that she apologize for hurting ''his'' feelings]].

Another came from his apology note on his [[Facebook]] discovered in [[October 2012]]. In it, he seemingly came to the realization that he had massively messed up, that about as much [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laughs]] had been gotten from him as possible and that he was sorry for it all happening. Surprisingly, it was a very well written, unselfish apology that would seem somewhat convincing - right until he demanded that all instances of trolling and [[CWCki|websites]] [[CWCki Forums|dedicated]] [[789chan|to]] [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|him]] be stopped and removed, and there was absolutely no mention made of him making any attempt to straighten up. All he wanted was all the bad stuff about him removed so he can feel better about himself. Had he not included that, people might have actually taken him seriously, but, [[nudes|as]] [[28 October 2011|usual]], he had to fuck himself over.
{{-}}

==Common traits of a CWC apology==

===Explanation===
One recurring element in Chris's admissions of guilt is an explanation of why he did whatever he's apologizing for. The way these speeches are worded often indicates that Chris believes that if we just understood his intentions, we would all agree with him, and that nobody would be offended.

A famous example appears in the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]] video. Chris explains that yes, he videotaped himself performing a selection of disturbing sex acts, but it was all for his sweetheart [[Ivy]], and this evidently renders his actions understandable and acceptable. Supposedly speaking to a young child who was deeply disturbed by his behavior, he tells her that his behavior was perfectly reasonable because he is both adult and human. This combination of warped logic and an even more warped world-view was a crucial component of his breakthrough to mainstream infamy.

Another good example would be the time he [[Twin Falling Towers|used the worst terrorist attack in American history for an exceedingly bad joke]]. After learning that [[Kacey]] came from a military family, Chris did what was expected of him and made a [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|public apology]]. However, he was more concerned with continuing to slander [[Clyde Cash]] and assuring us he was a [[United States of America|good American]] (although he didn't know the words to his own national anthem)<ref>[[Mumble 7#summary|Mumble Chat 7]]</ref><ref>[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]</ref> than with actually expressing remorse and making an attempt at recompense.
[[Image:SnuffOutClyde.jpg|thumb|This looks like a good idea.]]
{{Quote|The joke was mainly directed to how WEAK Clyde Cash was only, I had no idea or intention of offending anyone, other than Clyde, on such a massive world-wide level.|[[Apology_for_9/11_Joke#Apology_image_text|Chris's written apology]].}}

Within the same video, he changed the photoshop he'd done of the World Trade Center towers into birthday candles. That he saw no problem in presenting an image of the two buildings on fire and repeatedly calling them weak while he asserted that he was a good American proves that he [[Slow-in-the-mind|completely missed the point]] of what he was supposed to be apologizing for. He was far more concerned with sullying Clyde's name than with any blowback or offense his comments might have caused.

===Rationalization===

Chris is incredibly self-righteous. In his mind he is the only decent man left in the world, and everybody else is a stupid, evil [[JERKS|JERK]] whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him because he is [[Autism|special]], and furthermore out of jealousy for his [[Chris and his Ego|many]] [[Chris and reality|"successes"]] in life. This mindset gives Chris all the justification he needs to mistreat others, because as far as he's concerned they're all the bad guys, standing in the way of his [[Love Quest|heroic quest]].

This "Everything I do is right" mindset shows through when he is forced to talk about his prior transgressions. Chris might offer a half-assed apology, simply to conform to the wishes of whoever he's talking to, but it will often be accompanied with a long explanation as to why he ''had'' to do it.

{{Quote|I was wrong... I pretended to be him yet he was the liar. I'm the real deal... So on that one part I was wrong for the right reasons.|Chris, [[I Love You Kacey|almost admitting wrongdoing]].}}

He exhibited this self-righteous attitude many times in the [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid Chris]] saga: because he is the TRUE and HONEST Christian, this gave him the right to [[For Kacey from CWC|attempt to steal Liquid's girlfriend by]] [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be him]], and then [[SHE IS MINE NOW|gloat about it once he apparently achieved his aim]]. Once again, Chris saw no wrong in this. Since Liquid wronged him by trolling him in the first place, anything he did in response was entirely justified.

==Retraction==

Chris, believing that his actions are always right, nearly always has to be pressured into making any form of apology at all. Most, if not all, of his apology messages are motivated by the people he [[Fuck Quest|physically desires]] (be they obvious troll or otherwise) or [[Asperchu|desires to appease]], rather than the public outcry he causes, and certainly not by any true sense of guilt. His retraction of an apology is often redundant because nobody believed he was truly remorseful in the first place, and just as hollow as the apology itself, in that Chris is quite happy to lie to [[Chris and his Ego|save face]] or to gain [[china|something he wants]]. For instance, Chris '''finally''' [[02 March 2010|'sincerely' apologized to Alec and Mao]] for his actions to them on 2 March 2010. However, only a month later, on 8 April, he was talking to [[Jackie_E-mails#Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents|Jackie]] and, in an attempt to gain sympathy from her, claimed that Alec was "trying to one-up [him] for months now".

When trolls hacked his PSN accounts, Chris made [[a near public apology]]. A blatant attempt to get his PSN account back, the apology was, of course, chock full of lies and insincerity.

One of his favorite ways to smite his [[Clyde Cash|invisible internet enemies]] and [[jerkop|real-life foes alike]] is to lay a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] upon them; thinking that he has powers akin to something more along the lines of Wicca, Voodoo, or Goku from [[Dragon Ball Z|DBZ]] than with the [[Chris and Religion|Christianity]] he supposedly practices. He only issued the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]] after [[Kacey|his latest e-girlfriend]] told him that he shouldn't have used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in the first place..

Considering that he [[Surfshack Tito (video)|quickly returned]] to his ways of cursing, [[Don't Mess With Me|threatening]], and [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|insulting]] his enemies, the sentiment obviously didn't stick.

==Shifting blame==

When Chris isn't trying to justify the trouble he causes, he usually resorts to blaming others. The most famous example is him blaming [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] for the end of his friendship with [[Megan]], even though it was because of a picture he himself thought up, drew, and then uploaded to his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|article]]. Chris had it literally screamed at him in [[Mumble 3]], but then, as now, he still doesn't know the true reason. The best anyone has ever been able to extract from Chris is that he came on too strong. While technically true, this is a vast understatement which fails to capture the massive amount of fault which lies with Chris (that is to say, all of it).

====The Wallflower====

Chris went to great lengths to keep the knowledge of [[The Wallflower]] away from the slanderous trolls of the Internet. However, he really wanted to credit her in one of his sycophantic Little Big Planet levels. Chris asked Wallflower if she thought it would be safe to credit Wallflower by her FF.net penname. Wallflower agreed, as she was unable to find any obvious trails leading from her FF.net account to her Facebook account. Unfortunately for both of them, trolls still managed to find a link between the two accounts within 24 hours of Chris dropping her penname. After she was linked to the site and promptly horrified by how much of her personal information had been compromised, she politely requested that the article be reworked with her privacy in mind. As much of the information in the original Wallflower article had very little to do with Chris, the request was deemed reasonable and the admins of the CWCki complied.

Frightened and disgusted by what she had found, [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|she broke off all contact with Chris]]. She also clarified to the CWCki admins that they had never dated, never had any kind of relationship beyond casual association, and before her introduction to the CWCki she really didn't know much about him at all. Chris, however, [[Chris and reality|not to be deterred]], proclaimed many times that they had [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#What_had_happened|been on several dates]], and [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#What_had_happened|"Shared DNA"]], along with enjoying a kiss and massage. Since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (The Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). However, [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|Chris had either momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]], something that would have been a monumental occasion in his life, lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed, or lied to Jackie about ''not'' being kissed (though that is very unlikely). Either way, he still lied about the kiss, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).

In the month following their "breakup", Chris would go on to blame The Wallflower for [[Damien_Antaria_(CWCipedia_page)#The_Breakup|having an internet presence at all]]. From Chris's perspective, the whole incident was Wallflower's fault for having a Facebook page for trolls to discover in the first place. Chris repeatedly insisted that ''Wallflower'' was the one who needed to apologize to him (as she had okayed the use of her screen name), despite the fact that putting her screen name in the level was his idea in the first place. More than a year after the debacle, Chris [[Calling Out|made it obvious]] that he believes that the person who should apologize to Wallflower is Surfshack Tito rather than himself.

====Forgetting====

Aside from directly shifting the blame by [[list of Chris's lies|lying]], Chris has been frequently known to "forget" important, critical details of his life, typically memories that either make him either look or feel bad. When [[Jackie E-mails|Jackie]] was flirting with him by e-mails and found out about the CWCki, she asked Chris about cheating on [[Ivy]] with [[Vanessa]], the full details of which are documented right [[Ivy|here]]. Chris, of course, claimed flat out that the whole thing was a troll deception and that Jackie shouldn't believe it. When Jackie informed Chris she found a video of him admitting it and confessing, Chris claimed he [[Jackie_E-mails_2#Chris "Forgot" He Cheated On Ivy|"forgot" this "portion"]].

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|October 27th in 2008]], Chris nervously announced he had found his one true sweetheart; [[Chloe]]. Many things immediately leapt out at the trolls as being lies, including his previous announcements on an [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|IRC chat]]. Due to Chris's unreliable short-term memory and inaction on the part of [[trolls]], after the 27 October video Chloe was never mentioned again in a video by Chris. A little more than a year later, in [[Mailbag 13]], rather than simply admit he was lying, Chris claimed "I currently have no recollection of a Chloe", even though she was supposedly the woman he had his first real kiss with.

In [[Mumble 6#On The Trans-gender Community|Mumble 6]], the troll army called out Chris on his statements regarding transgendered women. Chris claims that he forgot his previous statement, which may or may not be completely honest. In any event, Chris has discovered that (real or otherwise) a faulty memory is a socially acceptable way to dodge probing questions about one's past lies.

== Index of Chris's apologies ==

Below is an abridged list of Chris's various apologies for his many, many misdeeds. Small apologies may have been missed here and there, but these are the big ones.

*When Megan [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|called Chris out on his reprehensible actions]] regarding the porn he drew of her, he first [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris apologizes for something, what could it be?|copy-pasted "Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you."]] fifteen times in an e-mail to her, then [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|went into detail about how a handjob works]], figuring that [[virgin with rage|sexual frustration]] and [[naive|ignorance]] were the root causes of her [[Chris and anger|anger]]. Projecting, much?
*After Chris was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], he tried several times to get unbanned. The first was [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|a video where Chris apologies just so he can buy more junk]]. The [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|second]] was where he prepared a script, stashed a camera in his pocket, then walked into The Game Place to confront [[Michael Snyder]], claiming he had changed and apologizing for his actions. After Michael flatly refused to listen and called the cops, Chris berated him on religious grounds then called him a Jew.
*After threatening [[Vivian]]'s life when she made better [[audiobooks]] than he did, Chris apologized to her... then made a demand for a cut of her "profits", the two sentences separated by only a single dot.
*Chris made an [[A_near_public_apology|apology video]] after [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers|releasing a series of videos insulting various Youtubers.]] Aside from sounding half-assed and insincere about it, Chris's motivation for doing so was clear: his PSN account was being held hostage by the last Youtuber he had insulted.
*In [[I am Alive]], Chris apologizes for his ungentlemanly conduct in regard to Asperchu. This was a transparent attempt to get the [[homo]] ads removed from the [[CWCipedia]] and his behavior [[9 February 2010|subsequent]] to this apology proved he meant nothing he said in the video.
*In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris apologized to the Asperchu Four ''while simultaneously having them brutally executed'', including having one of them killed by a [[Sandy|toddler]].
*After [[April 16 Fetish Vids|filming himself performing sex acts for Ivy]], Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|apologized for his actions]], supposedly to a [[Ching Chong|young girl]] who had found the footage and was scarred by it. But he structured his apology to state that his behavior was, in fact, completely normal and that she shouldn't feel bad for watching it.
*In [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions]], Chris apologized for cheating on [[Ivy]].
*After [[Twin Falling Towers|mocking the worst act of domestic terrorism]] in United States history, Chris made a subsequent [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|apology video]]... which featured the Twin Towers as candles on a birthday cake, complete with multiple gouts of flame flying from the top.
*When [[Kacey]] discovered Chris had pretended to be the [[Liquid Chris|other, better Chris]] in order to get a travel visa to [[China]], Chris apologized by way of his video [[I Love You Kacey|"I Love You Kacey"]], where he claimed he "...was wrong for the right reasons."
*Chris '''finally''' [[02 March 2010|'sincerely' apologized to Alec and Mao]] for his actions to them on the 2nd of March. However, only a month later on the 8th of April he was talking to [[Jackie_E-mails#Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents|Jackie]] and, in an attempt to gain sympathy from her, claimed that Alec was "trying to one-up [him] for months now".
*On 21 [[October 2012]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook]] status [[Facebook#Please forgive me!|apologizing]] for past misdeeds. He immediately asked that all online groups and "individual hatreds" be disbanded.

==Conclusion==

To Chris, remorse is nothing more than a formality that he must pantomime in order to get what he wants. If you expect that he would ever be sincerely sorry for anything he does without an ulterior motive behind it, you are expecting way too much of him.

==Sources==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

I Love You, Catherine

2014-10-11T14:59:45Z

Georgesheardexpress9:

"'''I Love You, Catherine'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]], by [[Chris]], on [[October 2014|4 October 2014]]. The video contains an apology to a [[Gal pal|girl]] named Catherine, who is presumably the [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|mystery sweetheart]] Chris had posted about on [[Facebook]] in previous months. It should be noted that Chris is seen wearing [[Tomgirl|a skirt and stockings]] throughout the entirety of the video, while also sporting his old [[Manchester High School|high school]] sweatshirt. A woman's headband can be seen in his ever-thinning [[Hair|hairline]] throughout the entirety of the video, as well. At the rate his hairline is receding and the bald spot at his vertex is developing, he'll resemble Apollo Justice Winston Payne very soon. He is also shown to be at his lowest point since [[CWC is Sad]], speaking with a low monotone and at parts almost tearing up.

It may not be entirely impossible that Chris is showing actual '''remorse''' here, instead of his [[Chris and remorse|usual bullshit]]. Either that, or this is just him being sad over getting close to losing some [[China|china]].

Note that the video has [[Chris and cinematography|the usual]] murky green tint as well as skips in the audio, despite Chris having gotten a better camcorder as shown in "[[Hello, my sweety baby]]". It is possible that Chris's old [[PSEye]] was the only camera he was able to salvage in the fire, and that his new camcorder was destroyed.

==Description==

{{quotebox|I deepestly apologize to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to Colin for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to Shaina for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better Lesbian Transgender Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person ([[Troll]]) who has found the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

==Summary==
Being the first and currently only video (aside from [[Video games|Mario Kart 8]] playthroughs) uploaded by Chris in 2014, it seems to have been filmed in the [[Rental House|rental house]] Chris and [[Barb|his mother]] have been staying in, since the events of the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]]. The video primarily consists of Chris apologizing to his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|latest partner]], whom he has apparently been in an open relationship with.

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Love You, Catherine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvMWpKKw8k4}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2014]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}
| previous = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

===Transcript===
''["[[wikipedia:Theme from A Summer Place|Theme from A Summer Place]]" playing in background]''

--is Christian Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]. I'm recording this vid-video because I have... [[Chris and remorse|apologies to make]]. I...want to apologize to, uh... Shaina, who was...a good friend of mine - but not my s- girlfriend - uh, been helping me- been helping me out in relaying details and whatnot amongst, uh, my... sweetheart, another one of my gal-pals, and uh, uh ''[does his [[stress sigh]]]''... new... man of the hour. Anyway, um, alright, Shaina has been relaying messages on and off between me and, uh, uh... his name is Colin, and, uh, my sc-school gal-pal Rebecca who introduced me to Shayna in the first place. Anyway, I, uh, with my sweetheart, uh, everyone oughta know her by now who knows me, because they found the CD I gave her. Yeah, her name is Catherine. So, yeah, with that, uh, I would really appreciate having the CD sent back to me and I'll make sure she gets it 'cause it's the master copy, as well as the master print and handwriting in there, so I would really mu- appreciate getting that back.

Anyway, I've royally screwed up here, because, uh, while Catherine was in New York recently, for, uh, a bachelorette party of a friend of Shaina's, uh...''[deep swallow followed by sigh]'' sh-...yeah, uh, Colin asked her and Shaina asked her to go out for a sailboat ride. Uh, Shaina couldn't make it but Catherine went. They had a good ti- they had a fun time on the boat. Nothing else happened. Colin treated her with respect, and I'm guessing kept his distance, but definitely respected my sweetheart, and uh... I made assumptions because I did not know better and I had other fears in my mind as well. I had, uh, [[Noviophobia|assumed]] Colin was the type that would [[rape|take advantage]] of other women, and, uh... most importantly, Cat- my Catherine, and I had assumed from what he told me that, uh, it was kind of, uh, lackadaisical, and insincere. Would not take, uh, would not listen to me very seriously.

Anyway, I beg to put it into a pun, I've made an ass of myself by making so many assumptions. Anyway, it all turned out very bad, especially for, uh... Catherine... [[Chris and his ego|and me]]. I've just been feeling really bad about that. Uh... I'm sorry, Shaina, for putting you through the in-between people-- work-- luh, I appreciate you doing that very much. And Colin, I'm very sorry for all the [[JERKS|assumptions]] I made about you. I would like to think better of you as a person, and I... I trust you-- I am trusting you from the-- all that, yeah. And most importantly, I'm very sorry to my sweetheart Catherine. ''[Chris facepalms]'' I just... She's been going through a lot as well... she need- she needed a good time as well to get away from the bad things of life that's bothering her, but it's relevant to her father. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Anyway, Catherine, you mean the world to me, sweetheart, you really do, and.. I mean to treat you as a partner, I do. And I don't mean to treat you as a child, uh... I've been going under a lot of my own [[Stress|stresses]] lately. ''[Begins to tear up a little]'' Especially in response to everything, and I... ''[Chris facepalms again]'' I miss my father every day... Sigh.. It all hurts. My [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris and religion|soul]], they what to you, Catherine, they really-- I-I really do send my heart out so if you wanna keep it with you, keep my heart and soul as well. I love and I care about you so much and I respect you and I mean very well in my intentions. [[ShecameforCWC|Always]]. Even if they aren't the best impulses out of all that. [[White_Knight#Chris.27_life_would_still_be_a_disaster_even_if_the_trolls_never_bothered_him|I'm very sorry for all the mistakes I've made]]. ''[Chris facepalms a third time, then starts his godawful singing.]''

I can't stop loving you~

Deep within my heart~

[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|I don't know all the lyrics]]~

So I'll just sing from the bottom of my heart~

And the depths of my soul~

''[Dramatic pause]''

I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Hello, my sweety baby]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Hair

2014-10-09T22:35:25Z

Georgesheardexpress9:

[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

Already in atrocious physical condition for someone his age, Chris's baldness has made him look creepier and even more like a [[pedofork|pedophile]] and/or fat, old lesbian. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, and his occasional attempts at crafting a combover haven't helped matters.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. More likely, though, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was bald as well. However, [[Chris and Health|inactivity]], [[Obesity|poor]] [[McDonalds|diet]], [[Mass debating|masturbation]], illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - when male-pattern baldness starts as early as it does with Chris, you will tend to end up with much less hair in the end; which does not bode well for Chris's [[tomgirl]] dreams.

Naturally, Chris being Chris, he thinks his hair looks just fine. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh... I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

If you were at all surprised to learn that Chris doesn't bother to go to a decent barber, but instead lets his mom cut his hair...well, you're new here, aren't you?[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris will look like in the 'near future'.]]

When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial.

In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head.

[[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman]]
[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]
[[File:Hemanchristian.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl of Eternia]]

Since becoming a [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]], Chris has let his hair grow out and has seemingly attempted to color it blonde. This was likely not done by a professional stylist, because his new hair color is a hideous urine yellow. In some photos, such as the one he took at Salvation Army, the darker roots are visible through his extremely thin hair. It also appears that Chris's hair is naturally curly or wavy when he lets it grow long. Another possibility is that he curls his hair with a curling iron, although Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed Chris has grown his hair shoulder length.

In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to have his hair cut. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. Chris saved the hair and wore it around his neck in hopes it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>

{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}

Pictures Chris has posted in 2014 show his hairline has receded even further, and his hair is even more poorly managed than it was 3 years ago - looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. The fact that he appears to have tried dying it blonde again only makes it look worse. Needless to say, his tomgirl persona is far from being as sexy [[Chris and reality|as he thinks it is]].

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Trolls|or a dude pretending to be one]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big [[China|C]] himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service ([[Chris and race#Hispanics|insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here]]), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a [[Sonichu]] drawing, where the [[Spanish]] side has [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].

==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[HairDifference]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]