CWCki - User contributions [en]

Mumble 3

2014-08-30T21:35:53Z

Gines: Adding what Clyde actually said which previously said "indistinct."

'''Mumble 3''' is the third of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]]. The date it was held is uncertain, but it was before 10 [[February 2009]].

Length: '''2:51:34'''

== Synopsis ==

__NOTOC__The third Mumble chat begins with with small talk between Chris and [[Julie]], punctuated by loss of audio in places, macaroni cheese, money and passwords. [[Clyde]], at this point, is flashing in and out of the conversation, without actually making an appearance until the later stages. [[Molvanîa]] has been destroyed, it turns out. Julie almost blows her cover a couple of times while referring to "Cameron", who seems to continuously [[Rosechu|change gender]]. We also discover that all of Chris's female creations think that he’s handsome, just like [[Snorlax|Barb]] does. This would appear to be the reason why he [[love quest|can’t understand why he’s single]]. Clyde makes a cameo appearance. Julie is getting paranoid, believing that Clyde is out to get her, and she wants Chris to protect her. Chris seems unworried by Julie voicing her fears about a knife wielding Clyde Cash coming to get her, even when she is sure he's out side her house. Julie and Chris agree to take each other's virginity and imagine their first time together. Chris promises to try hard not to prematurely ejaculate. Clyde appears and reveals he's heard everything. The two threaten and try to psychoanalyze each other. Clyde denigrates Chris's existence and questions in detail how he'll support Julie or even himself, casting serious doubt on Chris's life skills. Clyde forces Chris to make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video saying that he's gay]], threatening to harm Julie if he doesn't.

== Summary ==

The chat is quite long, weighing in at nearly two and a half hours, and is one of the longest Mumble chats. It is unknown how the trolls kept Chris on for so long.

Chief talking points are as follows:

* Chris and Julie log for a private chat. There appears to be some problem with the audio cutting out.
* Julie blames the global financial crisis for her not being able to visit. Chris accepts this.
* Small talk: Julie is a very good cook. Julie has her [[Sonichu Girls]] password back.
* Julie wants to talk about their relationship.
* Julie fucks up, tipping off Chris that she's a troll. She excuses the mistake on her bad [[English]].
* Chris wants to Google Molvanîa (something he should have done ages ago), but Julie fast-talks him out of it.
* Julie explains that Molvanîa has been destroyed.
* Julie changes the subject and asks about how Virginia is.
* A wild Clyde Cash appears, then disappears without saying a word.
* Chris's alarm goes off, ruining his train of thought. He performs no other action, so presumably the alarm was to remind him to be even more forgetful than usual.
* Julie asks about Chris's parents. He says they are fine.
* Chris drops spoilers about the upcoming Sonichu.
* They talk music. Julie loves Alizée. Chris likes all music, but especially [[Britney Spears]].
* Clyde returns again, but again leaves without saying anything.
* Julie asks Chris if he is attracted to Rosechus. Chris answers by saying [[Chris and reality|they are attracted to him]].
* Chris believes he is handsome but doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend. He says this to Julie, his sweetheart.
* Chris pesters Julie to come visit him, without offering to assist her in anyway.
* Clyde speaks, demanding to know why Chris hasn't killed him yet.
* Chris bitches to Cogs, saying among other things that he can draw romance well, dating education, and how he shouldn't be held accountable for including pornography in a children's comic because he does what he wants to do.
* Chris says he might include more non-Sonichu characters in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']].
* In Molvanîa men come to the women's houses first, which Chris deludes himself into believing happens frequently in the USA as well.
* Julie is worried that Clyde might rape her like he did to Panda.
* Julie thinks she sees "someone [[Chris and race#Asians|Asian]] outside her house. She is worried it might be Clyde. Chris says he'd be scared too.
* Julie is sure someone's outside her house. Chris tells her to try not to think about it.
* There's pounding on Julie's door. She investigates; it's a salesman. Chris gives a relieved, crazed laugh.
* Almost immediately, they begin idle banter about cars.
* Chris, possessing all the subtlety of the raging inferno that was the Hindenburg in its final moments, suggests that he and Julie engage in cybersex.
* Chris believes that Panda is gone and that he should immediately move on.
* Chris admits that it's possible he will prematurely ejaculate. The prospect unsettles him some.
* Julie and Chris discuss their first time. Terrible, unmentionable things occur as they go into detail, moving into full on cybersex. Chris concedes it's probable that he'll prematurely ejaculate on his first time.
* Chris lies about his penis size. See accompanying image.
* Chris explains that his semen will taste like strawberries, since he's been eating lots of them in preparation.
* Chris drops his phone number. Yet again.
* Julie AFKs out. At least one troll quietly slips into giggles.
* Julie returns. They discuss Chris's parents.
* Julie tries to white-knight Chris. [[White Knight|It ends with the usual amount of fail]].
* Julie has a plan to get Chris to [[Redmond]]. Chris wants to go, but desperately doesn't want to expend any money, effort, time or thought into the process or even leave his house.
* Clyde returns. He reveals he was lurking under the name of his [[Vivian Gee|cousin]]. He has heard everything.
* Clyde threatens Julie. Chris threatens Clyde.
* Chris stands up Clyde for a bit. Clyde lays the smackdown, saying Chris's logic makes no sense. It doesn't.
* Clyde threatens Julie with [[Wikipedia:Russian roulette|Russian roulette]]. Chris shows that he doesn't know anything about how the game works.
* Chris and Clyde argue about who is crazier. [''Spoiler: Chris.'']
* Clyde reveals his backstory.
* Chris won't leave his shitty landfill for any reason.
* Chris tries to invoke Trolls Remorse in Clyde, which doesn't work.
* Chris displays immense hypocrisy throughout the whole third quarter of the chat.
* Chris watches [[Wikipedia:Sex in the City|''Sex in the City'']].
* Clyde tells Chris he doesn't have autism, bringing up the Wikipedia article to prove it. Chris is stunned into silence, finally admitting that high functioning autism isn't a real thing.
* Chris gives a list of his cooking and cleaning qualifications, going into specific detail about how to empty bins, load a washing machine, clean cat poo and clean up an overflowing commode.
* Clyde laughs.
* Clyde argues against the brick wall that is Chris's mind.
* Clyde has a job.
* Chris believes that he is [[Chris and his ego|simultaneously overqualified for almost any position imaginable]] and a [''jack of all trades, master of none''], to such an ludicrous extreme that he is unsuitable [[Wendy's|even for minimum wage work.]]
* Clyde frigging flips out, blowing his stack.
* Chris babbles about how [[Rocky]] is helping him but is unable to list any specifics, mentioning a Dr. Price.
* Chris STILL doesn't know why [[Megan]] got upset, even though Clyde literally screams the answer at him.
* Chris ripped up the original [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|pic She Came For CWC]], saying he keeps the remains in a crumple-lope (''presumably a crumpled-envelope'').
* Chris blames his homophobia on the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Principle of Nathanael Greene Elementary]].
* Chris says he never said he hated homosexuals, an outright lie. Clyde goes spastic.
* Clyde finally gets to the point: Chris must make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video]] where he admits to being gay. In exchange, Clyde won't dismember Julie. Chris initially declines.
* Under pressure from Julie, Chris takes a very long time to FINALLY decide that he will make the video, even after Clyde reminds him he can just make [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|a second video after to say that the first was blackmail and that he's straight.]]
* Clyde notes that he is about to get banned, so leaves.
* Some guy comes along and Chris discusses what happened.
* Chris gets Julie to agree to taping their first time and uploading it to YouTube.
* Chris goes off to make [[For Julie's Eyes Only|the video]]. The trolls burst out laughing; JulieSpike sings [[Wikipedia:Still Alive|Still Alive]] from ''Portal'', and soon all the trolls join in as the video ends.

== Transcript ==

==== 00:00:00 Introduction, Audio Fail ====

'''Chris:''' There we are. [''Random background noise''] Hmm now... What now? Oh.

'''Julie:''' Hi Chris!

'''Chris:''' Hello.

'''Julie:''' Ho- [''audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, say that again? You kinda broke up there.

'''Julie:''' Hold on, let me adjust my mic- [''cuts out again'']

'''Chris:''' Oh! It's you!

'''Julie:''' [''muted''] Yes of course!

'''Chris:''' Huh.

'''Julie:''' [''Pause''] So how are you Chri- [''More audio failure'']

'''Chris:''' I'm okay Julie, how are you?

'''Julie:''' I'm wonderful, thank you. Everything at home o-

'''Chris:''' Everything's Okay- Everything's Okay at home. Uh, I mean It's only I think that was you asked-yeah. I know you just bought that mic but it seems to be failing at points. Oh well.

'''Julie:''' Uh, let me configure it really- [''cut''] Maybe I can increase the vol- [''cut''].

'''Chris:''' If anything you might have to close it and relog back then to up after you get it configure correctly. I mean order-or-or to get to configure it correctly.

'''Julie:''' Well actually I did that, I logged back in after I configured it- [''cut'']

'''Chris:''' Oh. Well you should carry speaker a little longer there (?)

'''Julie:''' So- [''cut'']

'''Chris:''' [''Aggravated''] ''Sigh.'' Broke up again. [''Pause''] I mean you can tell when you're breaking up because you look at the you-your lips up next to your name on the thing here and you kinda get greyed out, and that means you're- that's kinda like when you get cut off. [''Pause''] Or when you're done speaking.

'''Julie:''' hey I, oh I think I know what you- Is it better now-

'''Chris:''' You got cut off again.

'''Julie:''' That's weir-

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I don't know either. You just got it- you just installed it so uh, hmm. This is like first install jitters, or something. I dunno.

'''Julie:''' Is it better now?

'''Chris:''' I heard your, eh, eh, Yeah. I mean, I was able to hear you clearly until the points where you got cut of so uh, uh, yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, try saying something longer and I'll let you know if you get cut off mid-sentence.

'''Julie:''' I hope this microphone does not cut out as that would be horrible.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I got- I had your full sentence there. I heard ya. I heard ya.

'''Julie:''' Alright, that is good-

'''Chris:''' Huh. You got cut off again.

'''Julie:''' That's weird, I don't know what could be causing it. I turned off everything else that was using the connection.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well we just, well- it's best to try to make the best- make the best of it. So you know, uh, I'll try to understand you up- I mean- until the points, I mean the points- I mean, as best as I can even if you get- even if you might get cut off sometime. But anyway it's-

'''Julie:''' I'm sorr- I'm sorry about that.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. Hmm. So uh, how are you?

==== 00:04:14 Money, Jobs ====

'''Julie:''' I'm wonderful! Things in [[America]] are wonderf-

'''Chris:''' Yep, I hear that. I'm just sorry about uh, the rising cost of things due to the economic crisis and all.

'''Julie:''' Yes, it's very hard on me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright so, uh tell me- so you said you were uh working at fast food or something to uh, earn money?

'''Julie:''' Yes, I'm working at restaurants. I'm a professional cook. Sorry. My English is still bad.

'''Chris:''' You said you were a professional cook?

'''Julie:''' I am professional at cooking.

'''Chris:''' Oh, that's good. Maybe after you come over here I could try a little bit of your cuisine for uh... lunch or dinner.

'''Julie:''' Yes, I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, mostly I just uh warm up a TV dinner, but you know I am able to uh, cooking things- uh, cooking things for my- cooking things for myself when I have the instructions in front of me and the ingredients. But it's kind of, like hmm, you know, [[Tour of Chris's House|a bit crowded in my kitchen in here]].

==== 00:05:30 Food ====

'''Julie:''' What's your favorite thing to eat?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I like, mostly like [[Obesity|mac and cheese]].

'''Julie:''' I'm very good at cooking.

'''Chris:''' I'll take your word for it. And I'll look forward to uh, trying your-

'''Julie:''' [''Interrupting''] I'll be right back, sorry.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''brief pause'']

'''Julie:''' I'm back.

==== 00:05:59 Lost Passwords ====

'''Chris:''' Okay. Let's- anyway you didn't answer my question how'd uh, did your passwo- how'd you get your password back after the previous time your brother changed it on ya?

'''Julie:''' Actually um, he actually just put it back to the original last. I'm not sure if he's gonna give it back this time, however.

'''Chris:''' Um. Hmm. Has he told you uh, me- he's probably just doing it just to annoy you but uh, maybe he- maybe uh, maybe he like, I don't know his mindset but maybe he wants something?

'''Julie:''' Perhaps.

'''Chris:''' I mean like did you ask him like, did you ever ask him like why did you change my password other than just to annoy me? What is it that you want?

'''Julie:''' I actually don't know why he chang- [''cut off again'']

'''Chris:''' It's like if you- [''Julie interrupts, brief pause''] It's like you got to try get into his head a little bit.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Like, you know, one thing you could do, you could, check out his room, see if you can find anything he's written down or look at, you know, look a clues in his room that describes him. Maybe you could, find something- find something there that uh, you can put in- put in common terms with or whatever, and uh, give him something that uh, makes him feel good from somewhere among those clues.

'''Julie:''' [''Enthusiastic''] Yes I could do that! That's a very good idea!

'''Chris:''' I mean, [[Chris's Room|my room]] is a slew of big clues. [''Chris pronounces "slew" as "slow"'']

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah so uh... what else do you want to talk about?

==== 00:08:07 About Our Relationship... ====

'''Julie:''' Umm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we could talk about- I'm not sure. Maybe our relationship?

'''Chris:''' [''Sudden intake of breath, as though wincing in pain''] Oooh. Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Should I- Should I not bring this up?

'''Chris:''' No, it's okay, it's okay. [''Pause''] Mmm. Ummm. Yeah. I mean I'm just trying to think about what- what's a good- what's a, something to say at the moment. I mean you don't know what to say, you could say [[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious]].

'''Julie:''' Ah. Have you heard from my friend Cameron Van- you know Cameron yet? Have you heard from him yet?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, Cameron?

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''Realizing error''] Oh. Her. Sorry.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, possibly is that uh, Is that- I dunno is that like your aunt, still over in [[Molvanîa]].

'''Julie:''' Well, I have unfortunate news about Molvanîa. It- it appears to have been destroyed. I know that sounds strange, but, I don't know what happened. I'm very worried.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Maybe I can find something on the-

'''Julie:''' I miss my hometown.

'''Chris:''' I hear ya. Hang on, I'll uh, I'll Google Molvanîa, see if I can-

'''Julie:''' [''Backpedaling''] no, that's alright, I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, tell me in your own words what you think happened.

'''Julie:''' I don't know, It's just, I think the dictator of Molvanîa, I think he was assassinated,

'''Chris:''' The dictator was assassinated.

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure. As far as I heard from Cameron before he- I lost all contact with him.

'''Chris:''' [''Incredulous''] You mean her, don't you?

'''Julie:''' Sorry, I keep getting confused, my English is awful. I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' It's okay, you're trying. You're doing- you're doing okay.

'''Julie:''' Thank you very much.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I think I'd like to talk about something else. I, you know.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, talk about anything.

==== 00:10:40 How's Virginia? ====

'''Julie:''' So, how's [[Virginia]]?

'''Chris:''' It's okay. Uhh, you know, it's a good place to live. As, especially going out to [[Charlottesville]] and uh, whatnot, but it's okay.

'''Julie:''' Oh, that sounds wonder-

'''Chris:''' I mean, I can't, I mean I don't know what much to say, but uh, you know [[Bob|my Father]] could tell you, oh yeah, Virginia's a historic town, cuz, you know we got all the history from like, Thomas Jefferson and, oh yeah, [[A Hike|the Monticello]].

'''Julie:''' What do you like to do in Virginia?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. What Do I like to do in Virginia? Hmm. I dunno [''nervous laugh''] Been living in Virginia pretty much all my life so, pretty much just living my normal life at this point. Other than- other than that I can't really say, you know?

'''Julie:''' Can you tell what that includes? I really want to know what your life is like, I would love to know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Ahh, let me think about that. My life is like, uh...

==== 00:12:02 A Wild Clyde Cash Appears! ====

'''Julie:''' Oh no!

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Julie:''' I see [[Clyde Cash|Clyde's]] here. Uh oh.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' Oh well, let's just ignore him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It's like uh, he seems to be under the "Inactive" area.

'''Julie:''' Yeah no one can hear us here.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and uh, here's a note, it says that Clyde left the channel.

'''Julie:''' Oh, that's good.

'''Chris:''' In the left column here. Hmm. Don't really, I mean, don't really have much on my mind uhh, right now, let me see. Ah, mostly I've just been uh, collecting my thoughts and taking my time. You know, recovering from the Internet, from the [[stress]] of the, the stress of the Internet and whatnot.

'''Julie:''' Yes, the Internet can be a very stressful place, especially with all these [[jerks]] trying to make you mad.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah it can be very tiring is- yep. Very tiring.

'''Julie:''' You should stand up to them sometime. You should just tell them you're not going to take it anymore.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think I, I pretty much do that, just like you know, like, I keep my cool- I kept my- pretty much kept my cool and not so much- [''Chris's cell phone alarm goes off''] Excuse me.

==== 00:13:40 Alarms Are Distracting... ====

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' That was my phone, reminding me of, er, just a reminder.

'''Julie:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Uh, lost- lost my train of thought there.

'''Julie:''' Awww.

'''Chris:''' Don't you just hate that where you lose your train of thought and it's hard to recover?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. I hate it so much.

'''Chris:''' I- yep I- I hear you there.

==== 00:14:12 Bob and Snorlax ====

'''Julie:''' So, so how is your life? I mean, are things with your parents okay? I would love to hear.

'''Chris:''' Mmm, you know, uh, can't complain. It's uh, not to- not totally bad. It's okay. I mean, uh, it's-

'''Julie:''' Is your father giving you trouble again?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Uh not so much lately. Uh, I had to go downtown with him to get his pacemaker checked.

'''Julie:''' Oh, I hope he's okay.

'''Chris:''' D'awright.

'''Julie:''' How's [[Snorlax|your mother]]?

'''Chris:''' She's alright.

'''Julie:''' I heard her singing, what was it, [[Mumble 2|yesterday]]? She's a very good singer.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. You know I told her that, uh, you know. Y'all- Y'all on the Mumble here heard her singing and they gave you a compliment it's like you know, "Oh, I can't sing, I'm tone deaf. They're just lying to try to make you feel good." Just a little um, just a little mod- just a little modesty there. From her point.

'''Julie:''' Everything I said about her awesome singing. I- I- It was a hundred percent true Chris, I assure you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I know. I mean, I think she- I think she's a great singer too.

'''Julie:''' As do I.

'''Chris:''' Sorry, could you repeat that, what was that?

'''Julie:''' As do I, I agree with you.

'''Chris:''' Oh, as do you. That's what you said. Hm. It sounded like you said somethings, it sounded like you said "something, something why". Heh.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, like, I dunno, heh. Could be asking a question like, "Why, blahdah blahda". But never mind about that. I mean, I mean- I mean I understand, I'm understanding you clearly. Up to like, you know, up to when you get cut off and whatever.

'''Julie:''' So apparently Clyde did get kicked from the Mumble server, so that's good.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Hopefully he's gone for good. He's been trying to promote his awful comic.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I'm definitely gonna take- I'm definitely gonna- I've been taking some time, and I've been thinking about like you know doing a page at a time, and uploading that to my website. As, as I- as I draw the comic.

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, umm... I know maybe it's confidential, but could you tell me about- a bit about the next comic? I really want to hear.

'''Chris:''' Tough love, simply enough- in the first episode [[Wild]] and [[Simonla]] will meet in the [[Dating Education]] class, and it'll just be like, a simple romance, without them- with only the professor knowing it, the two get paired up uh, communicating with each other over- over, like Internet and cell phone and whatnot in practice. And then they all love each other.

'''Julie:''' Cool. I look forward to reading about it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean, but, you would think, you know, Simonla is a ground/bug type and uh, Wild's a grass-electric. It's like they wouldn't, uh, hook up very well on the opposite traits. But you know, Wild don't- wild don't care. Loves her.

==== 00:17:37 Music, Alizée ====

'''Julie:''' Wow. That sounds so nice. You know what, I'd like to change the subject a bit?

'''Chris:''' Uh, sure.

'''Julie:''' Can I ask you about your taste in music? I'm an [[wikipedia:Alizée|Alizée]] fan myself!

'''Chris:''' Uhh.

'''Julie:''' Can I show you one of her videos? Her videos?

'''Chris:''' Uhhh, no. Uh, no that's okay, but you said Alizée, I think I've heard that name mentioned before.

'''Julie:''' Yes, I believe it was mentioned uh, last time.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I kinda like mo- like uh, all types of [[Chris and music|music]]. Uh, some heavy metal, not so ehhh, but you know I'll play it on ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', at least.

'''Julie:''' I've been trying to get ''Guitar Hero''. That's one of the next games I've been planning to get.

'''Chris:''' Guitar Hero Metallica?

'''Julie:''' Well, even ''[[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero: Metallica|Guitar Hero: Metallica]]'', or maybe ''[[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero World Tour|World Tour]]''.

Chris: World Tour's already out. With the band kit.

'''Julie:''' I can possibly get that.

'''Chris:''' Or you can- or you can get [[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock|''Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock'']] or [[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero: Aerosmith|''Aerosmith'']].

'''Julie:''' I hear there are some rock stars that are actually playable in ''Guitar Hero III'', who are they?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, I can't really, I don't really memorize- I don't really memorize the uh, playable characters, but in ''World Tour'' I did create a playable version of myself.

'''Julie:''' Cool.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah there's a video on the [[YouTube]] that shows me playing with my character and the [[Gitar of Fail|Sonichu Guitar]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah, I noticed you played really well. Do you know how to play the real guitar?

'''Chris:''' Ehhh. No, but you know, the guitar, the plastic guitar's good enough for me, I mean, I feel it's good- good enough. Like playing a real guitar. [''Voice becomes very gloomy''] Even though it's not, but still, [''back to cheerful''] It's good enough for me!

==== 00:19:33 Troll Wars VI: Return of the Clyde ====

'''Julie:''' Oh no. I think Clyde's back. Hopefully he doesn't notice this. Hopefully [''drowned out by clattering noises''] -but let's just ignore him again.

'''Chris:''' I mean, yeah. He's not in- he's not in our private channel. So, he's not hearing us.

'''Julie:''' Yea- [''cut off again'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah but anyway- yeah, I like all kinds of music. Uh, but uh, you know, my favorite female pop star- my favorite female pop star-singer I'd say would be, would have to be [[Britney Spears]].

'''Julie:''' I agree, Britney Spears is very nice.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

==== 00:20:13 Attracted to Cartoons ====

'''Julie:''' You know, about your comic? I actually have a question I've been pondering for quite awhile.

'''Chris:''' Ask.

'''Julie:''' Umm, do you find yourself attracted to your female characters you created at all?

'''Chris:''' Ah, do I find myself attracted to my female characters?

'''Julie:''' That you have created, yes. I'm sorry if it's a bit too much but I feel like I just, I've been pondering it.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Let me think about that, hmm. Are we including the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]?

'''Julie:''' Huh. What?

'''Chris:''' Uh, hang on a second, we've got an interloper here.

'''Julie:''' It must be a troll.

'''Chris:''' Oh, there he goes, he got kicked out.

'''Julie:''' Oh, there he goes. Thank goodness.

'''Chris:''' Yep. Ah, right so, are we talking about uh- so, in addition, yeah uh, the [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|human]] [[Allison Amber|female]] characters. Are we also talking about me being attractive to the Rosechus?

'''Julie:''' Yes, I've been pondering. I'm just wondering.

'''Chris:''' Yeah they'd- yeah I would say they all have a good ap- I would- they all think I'm handsome. Like [[barb|my mother]]. My mother- my mother thinks I'm- my mother tells me constantly that I'm handsome and I agree with her, like when I look at myself in the mirror. But it's like, you know, every time she tells me I'm handsome I'm like, “If I'm so handsome why don't I have a girlfriend?”

'''Julie:''' I don't know! I can't imagine why either. You're- well to use the best word you're just dashing. You're just wonderful.

'''Chris:''' I appreciate that.

'''Julie:''' It is my pleasure.

==== 00:22:07 [[Chris and money|Money]] ====

'''Chris:''' [''Brief pause, stress sigh''] Let me go off-topic a bit. So, how- how long do you think it will be until you feel like you'll be able to afford to make the trip to uh, come to Virginia?

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure. Things are tough with the economic problems in [[America]] currently. Hopefully you'll be able to um, hopefully I'll be able to soon.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. You getting any financial help from your family? I mean uh, you can count [[Max|your brother]], but I'm not necessarily counting him.

'''Julie:''' Well, most of my family live in Molvanîa. For after- I mean, before it happened. I hope they're okay.

==== 00:22:48 Clyde Speaks! ====

'''Clyde:''' I'm here Chris...

'''Julie:''' Clyde?! What are you doing here?

[''Chris gives a stress sigh'']

'''Clyde:''' I just wanted to stop by and say hi, Julie.

'''Julie:''' Get out.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Clyde:''' Look Chris, Chris. I just wanna tell you something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah wh-

'''Clyde:''' I'm off my medication right now, I'm off my leia (presumably leash) and I'm still angry at you now. Last time was a mistake. I shouldn't, [[Vivian]] told me... [''exhales''] Oh god. Tell me Chris. I just want you to answer one thing.

'''Chris:''' What is it.

'''Clyde:''' Why haven't you killed me yet? Why haven't you killed me yet.

'''Julie:''' [''Pause''] Chris I think he's trying to tick me.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' Clyde, how did you get in here?!

'''Clyde:''' [''Short whisper''] Magic.

'''Julie:''' You must be on your drugs again, you jerk!

'''Clyde:''' Not this time. Not this time. I was being too nice last time, obviously. That was me on drugs. I was too nice when I was on drugs.

'''Chris:''' You know Clyde, I have an answer- I do have an answer for you. I haven't killed you yet because you're doing a good job doing it to yourself.

'''Clyde:''' Uhhh... I haven't attempted to kill myself. Ever.

'''Chris:''' Druggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I don't think he's gonna leave. I'm scared. What if he tells all the other jerks what you've been saying? What if he knows?! No. I don't know. [''Clyde momentarily interrupts'']

'''Chris:''' He knows nothing. He's been mostly out of this conversation.

'''Clyde:''' I know everything. Ever.

'''Chris:''' Op. There we go, he got kicked out. [''pause''] There you go he got kicked out. Yeah but I think most- I think- I think we're safe because he did not hear most of our conversation since, you know, he was mostly in the inactive column.

==== 00:25:22 Clyde Leaves ====

'''Julie:''' I have to be right back soon.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Julie:''' So there should be something we can do about Clyde.

'''Chris:''' But uh, like uh- I'm not too worried about him. I mean I'll deal with him- [''Julie interrupts''] I mean I'll deal with him when uh, he pops in.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Uhh according to [[Cogsdev]], he says that uhh Clyde shouldn't be able to come back. [''pause, stress sigh''] Hmm, right so we were-

'''Julie:''' It must be another troll.

==== 00:26:09 Chris talks to Cogsdev ====

'''Chris:''' Nah, that's okay. They're taken care of... They're being taken care of- they're taken care of. But anyway getting back to our conversation, talk about uh, yeah you tried- I was asking you if you had any [[Monthly Tugboat|financial aid]] from your family. But uh, then you said that they- the troubles in Molvanîa and such. Uh. Yeah, but mostly uh- any help at all from your family? Financially. [''pause''] Julie? Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Uhh, Cogsdev, you can- you heard the whole conversation, didn't you? [''Pause''] Oh. Okay. [''unclear mumbling, pause''] Oh, okay, well that's okay, you didn't have to uh, come into the channel, but uh, yeah okay but anyway so what's your question?

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Active manner. Hmm. Yeah cuz I like- cuz I like to uh, hmm. But I mostly am attracted to women so when I draw my female characters I like to uh... with like you know I, yeah. I like to make them attractive. I have done, uh, hmmm. [''pause''] I can't really uh, hmmm. No, I would not have uh, sex with any of them but it's like you know, uh... It's like but you know, I love them as if they were my friends or uh, or like you know, my brain children. But I would never have [[sex]] with them. I mean it's like uh, alright, yeah, Cogsdev, I know you're a girl and I will take your word for it on that, but uh, yeah but, yeah. It's like uh, you have- you would have- if you had a son, wouldn't you want to make him look attractive?

[''Pause']

'''Chris:''' Alright, there you go, you'd dress him up as nice- as nicely as possible. [''Pause, then inaudible mumbling''] Obviously I watched uh, yeah, I did watch [[Pornography]] and then I did get the frustration from the e- from between the [[ED]] page it- the page and the [[trolls]]. But it's also like, you know uh, I've all- I've wanted to do something like that, you know uh, just to stretch uh an adult muscle in my head. And plus, if you'll look at the, uh, at the lovey-dovey non-[[Nudes|nudity]] scenes like uh, you know just the embracing and the kissing. They're like my best works of- they're like my best examples of [[art]]. It's like even though I'm a frustrated [[virgin]], I can draw romance very well.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I just- but- you know, a bunch of times I most but- like majority of- like most other people I'm [[random]]. And I'll uh, I'll never know what I'm gonna- sometimes I never know what I'm gonna do next. If I'm- um- what I mean I work out- I don't think- sometimes I don't think I feel. If I wanna do something to- just for the heck of it then I'll do it. But yeah, the [[comic]] is mostly intended for children.

[''Pause, [[sigh]]'']

'''Chris:''' But it's also like you know, it's- I'll figure that it's also like it's intention for like when they get older. Years later they're- they're in their teenage years and they're like uh, they're looking back at the earlier stuff and it's like "Oh that was so childish." But then it's like you know I- I added this uh- this- the uh, the T-rated or the- or adult materials I pretty much did. It's like uh, they could relate better- they could like relate to that in their adult- in their teenage and adult years. Just uh- just uh- just a small branch out, if you will.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' More of a- I would say that uh, related to like what I would like in my romantic love life. Or like, you know, when I have my romantic relationship with my sweetheart. That's pretty much- I'm gonna be doing it. And also with that uh, also good advice for uh, those that don't know for themselves. Like I'm working on the [[dating education]] episode I was just telling Julie about a little bit. But yeah, that nine-year-old who wrote [[How to Talk to Girls|that book]] pretty much took the words out of my mouth, and then some, but mostly-

==== 00:33:46 Julie Returns ====

'''Julie:''' I'm back, Mr. Chandler!

'''Chris:''' [''Laughs''] Oh that's- that was fun. I was just talking to Cogsdev uh, pretty much.

'''Julie:''' Ah, I see!

'''Chris:''' you know it's just-

'''Julie:''' So, did I miss anything important?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, not really. Just answered the- I just answered a couple of her questions.

'''Julie:''' Oh, alright. Wait, how did- huh. Oh, never mind. [''pause''] So I'm sorry I had to take a brief absence. [[Max|My brother]] called me for help with something.

'''Chris:''' I see. Hmmm. I'm sure Cogsdev won't mind but I'm just gonna see if I can... how to do it here it says “kick and mute” I just want- I just want to move- oh, she moved herself. Okay. So, alright so, what did he want? You to help him with?

'''Julie:''' He just- he just wanted to help- me to help him with um, from the kitchen.

'''Chris:''' Oh. I see. That's good. Hmm.

==== 00:35:10 Non-Sonichu Characters ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I just thought of another question while I was helping him in the kitchen.

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' I noticed that all your characters are indeed- well, most of them are indeed Sonichus and Rosechus.

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Do you plan to make any other characters that are not Sonichus and Rosechus? Like that character I gave to you earlier?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Possibly. But you know that there are some, there are other animal characters outside that, the Sonichus and Rosechus, you know, there's [[Flame the Sunbird]].

'''Julie:''' Yes there is him. I-

'''Chris:''' Of course we have the human characters.

'''Julie:''' Yes I know, but aside from them, do you plan on making any other non-Sonichu or Rosechu characters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, possibly for like you know uh, one way or another hero villains, side characters, It just-

'''Julie:''' I look forward to it!

'''Chris:''' Time will tell. And uh... here's a thought, after uh, you move to uh, Virginia, and you come be- and you come be with me, then uh, it's like you could help me work on that. Create those characters.

'''Julie:''' I am pretty good at character design. I've made a few characters like the one you've seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I wanna ask.

'''Chris:''' Hmm?

==== 00:36:48 Monthly Tugboats ====

'''Julie:''' You said before that you do get money every month, is this not right?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I do get, yeah I do get a mo- [[Monthly tugboat|social security]].

'''Julie:''' Well, you must have more money than I. Can you try to come to Ohio sometime? Or would you prefer if I came to your house.

'''Chris:''' I'd rather uh, you came to my house. Cuz I just don't feel comfortable traveling long distances, uh by myself at least.

'''Julie:''' I guess, but I've never been in America myself either. I'm somewhat worried myself.

'''Chris:''' Best thing you can do to relive that tension is just to, take a deep breath, once in awhile, take your time. You know, quote unquote stop and smell the roses.

'''Julie:''' Alright I guess.

'''Chris:''' You know it's like, uh, you don't have to uh, be in a hurry to get from point A to point B. It's just like, you can space it out in- you can space it out in your own mind, at your own individual pace. As long as you go.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, I think I'll try uh, slowly move over. Hopefully I'll get there this year. If I'm lucky.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah this year. Or uh, I dunno. I'll tell ya what uh, it may be possible, but I might uh, be able to board you here if uh, board you here in my- board you here in my room until uh you get uh, until you get an apartment for yourself, you know? [''Windows beeping''] Until you get here.

==== 00:38:42 Things Are Different in Molvanîa ====

'''Julie:''' Can I ask you something though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' In Molvanîa... men indeed do come to the womens houses first. But how things are different here? I figured that they have the same rules.

'''Chris:''' Well you know, same more or less. But it's like uh, most people are more comf- most men are more comfortable with uh, what they call a “[[Wikipedia:Sadie Hawkins Day|Sadie Hawkins]]” situation because uh- alright yeah, Sadie- it's uh, pretty much just fictional character Sadie Hawkins, you can look her up on uh [[Wikipedia]] or something.

'''Julie:''' I think I will.

'''Chris:''' Yeah but, mostly it's like uh, no guy would- every- every guy was like afraid to uh, talk to her so, she pretty much did the asking of the guy- asking to the guys. And uh, they would most likely say yes but- yeah so, she pretty much started a trend of women asking the guys or going to them.

'''Julie:''' I see.

'''Chris:''' And I just, for a long while I felt more comfortable- more comfortable in a Sadie Hawkins situation.

'''Julie:''' Uh huhh.

'''Chris:''' Like you know uhhh, pretty much the women- pretty much the women coming to me that's uh, pretty much why during my in-person experiences, during my sweetheart search in the earlier years when I actually were, in- actually was in the lo- in the real life locations. I was waiting for the women to come to me. Cuz I was just shy and uncomfortable- I just was shy mostly.

'''Julie:''' But you don't need to be shy around me, you know me, you trust me completely, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. But still-

==== 00:40:48 Don't Be Afraid ====

'''Julie:''' You shouldn't be scared.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but also there's the uh, there's like role troubles and my fam- and my mom would- and my mom would worry and all that sort of- all that sort of-

'''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] my brother worries about my safety. You know, he doesn't want me to get hurt out there because the world is a mean place.

'''Chris:''' I hear- I hear you there.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I'm still worried.

'''Chris:''' Sometimes you just gotta take a plunge. I mean, listen to me, talking like this. It's like I should be taking plunges for myself. Hmm. Here's some thing-

'''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] Well, I guess I could try.

'''Chris:''' I would appreciate that. I really would.

'''Julie:''' I- I will- I promise you right now, I just want you to know, that I will consciously try to get to Virginia in this year. I will try my very hardest.

'''Chris:''' Thank you. I want you to know I mean that from my heart. Thank you, Julie.

'''Julie:''' You are very welcome Chris. But again, I'm worried. What if Clyde- what if he attempts to rape me as he did with [[PandaHalo|Panda]]? I'm worried. Worried for my own safety.

'''Chris:''' Yeah but uh, as long as you don't uh, put it on the Internet where you're currently living, then uh-

==== 00:42:36 Clyde the Stalker ====

'''Julie:''' Yes but he's able to follow me. I think I've seen a car around my house- someone... someone Asian in it? I think Clyde is Asian, I'm worried. He looked in with an evil glare, I'm worried. I think it was half-Asian actually, I'm not really- I'm just really scared that if I try and leave my house that he's gonna do awful things to me. [[sex tape|Awful horrible things]] to me! I'm scared Chris.

'''Chris:''' I hear you. I feel for you. I'd be scared too.

'''Julie:''' But I don't think! I- I don't think he'd rape you. Which is why I think maybe you should come- I apologize for the background noise, TV is on.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. Uhhh, but you- surely that guy cannot be out there all the time.

'''Julie:''' Yes but I see his car even at night. I have a feeling he may be stalking me but I don't know where he is and I'm scared to call anyone about it.

'''Chris:''' Well do you have his license plate number?

'''Julie:''' But Chris I- no I don't. But, I know Chris, that- you're tough Chris. I actually- I believe in you. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You're tough! I know you are. I know you've described yourself a couple times but, you are the strongest person I know. I know this! I want you to protect me Chris. Can I please trust you? With my life? Do you think that would be...

'''Chris:''' Alright you can trust- I'm- you can trust me to protect you.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris I apprecia [''audio cut off'']

'''Chris:''' Yes. I will protect you.

'''Julie:''' Yeah the TV is extremely loud. I should ask my brother to turn it down.

'''Chris:''' Actually I'm not hearing your tel- I'm not hearing your television.

'''Julie:''' Huh.

'''Chris:''' So you know, it's okay at this point.

'''Julie:''' Alright. [''brief pause''] Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Thank you. I'm happy that I could trust you. And I'm happy that you can also trust me.

'''Chris:''' I'm happy too. That uh, you're able to uh, to trust me very much as well and that you understand me very well. Makes me feel better. Makes me feel happier.

'''Julie:''' I'm very, it's my pleasure making you feel happy, Chris. It's my ple- [''Audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' Uhh, Cogsdev uh, Okay, uh, did you have another question or something?

'''Julie:''' I'll be right- [''Audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' [''to Cogsdev''] oh yeah well we were just talking uh, but yeah, Julie will be right back so uh, it's okay. Did you have something else on your mind?

[''Pause'']

==== 00:47:00 He's Outside! Oh no! ====

'''Julie:''' So anyway, uh, yes I do see someone outside my house. I don't know who it is.

'''Chris:''' Just uh, just try not to think about it.

'''Julie:''' I won't.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean uh, it's not like you saw- I mean, it doesn't- it not- it's not hold it- it does not look like he's looking a [[Megatron pistol|gun]], is he?

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure, he's holding something. I'm worried.

'''Chris:''' Well just- just best not to- to try not to think about it.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Someone's pounding on my door.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Someone's pounding on your door...

'''Julie:''' I'm gonna to go lock it. I'm worried, Chris. I'm gonna go lock it.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Oh- it was... I looked outside, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Uh huh?

'''Julie:''' It turns out it was a salesman.

[''Chris gives a maniacal, crazy laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Ahh, that's a relief.

'''Julie:''' I'm sorry, I- I acted so silly!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's okay- it's only- it's only human. You're only human.

'''Julie:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' It's okay, we're all human. I mean, I was scared for you too. [pause] I was pretty much quaking over here!

'''Julie:''' I was so scared! I'm so silly.

'''Chris:''' It's a'right. I'm here for you.

[pause]

'''Julie:''' I appreciate that, Chris.

[pause]

==== 00:48:42 Now That Julie's Not About To Get Stabbed, Let's Babble About Cars ====

'''Julie:''' So. I think I would like to change the topic if that's a'right?

'''Chris:''' Sure. Whatcha wanna talk ab-

'''Julie:''' How do you like [[wikipedia:Burnout (video game)|''Burnout'']], Chris?

'''Chris:''' It's- it's alrigh...t. Yeah... get to cruise around...

'''Julie:''' Maybe we should race sometime.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I did notice in a- uhh- in a- in a trailer that, uh... apparently uh, the concept Camaro that [[wikipedia:Bumblebee_(other_incarnations)#2007_Transformers_film|Bumblebee]] was, uh... is in the game too.

'''Julie:''' Yeah I heard they're actually releasing uhh... I forget the exact name, but they're actually gonna... release [[wikipedia:DeLorean DMC-12|the same car]] from [[wikipedia:Back to the Future|''Back to the Future'']].

'''Chris:''' Huh. That's interesting. By the way you know, I also do have the music video, uh- that was on the [[PlayStation Network]] for a limited time- uh, [[Wikipedia:Fast Car|"Fast Car"]]...

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It's basic- I forgot who was the guy who... sang it, but I do uhh have the MP3 of it as well. But, anyway, in the beginning it's like- this person who has a PSP... he's getting a message from- from the guy doing the song... from his PlayStation 3... or his PSP or something like that. And then he gets into Burnout, then gets his license... does- a his video with, uh... car action and such. [''Chris's voice fades out''] I forgot how it... goes. <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[stress sigh]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> Mmm. I could send the video over the PlayStation Network I would, but apparently they only will allow you to send photos or... something like that- I don't know how to send videos.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' I do have it on my PlayStation 3.

[pause]

==== 00:50:29 Oh Chris, You're The Master Of Subtlety ====

'''Julie:''' When- When I do go to Ruckersville, Virginia with you... I would love to play ''Guitar Hero'' with you... and ''Burnout'', and all the games. I would love to just play for hours with you.

'''Chris:''' I would love that too. [[Hanky-panky|Play with you.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh.

'''Chris:''' You know, in [[wikipedia:Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s|''Guitar Hero: Encore... Rock the 80's'']]... the, uh encore number was uh... [[wikipedia:Play With Me|"Play With Me"]].

'''Julie:''' Oh, cool! That's... quite the coincidence.

'''Chris:''' So... [''Chris does a bizarre voice here''] come play. Come plaaaay!

'''Julie:''' Haha- I will!

'''Chris:''' Come play. ... and maybe... you know, there may be... [[hanky panky|other things]].

'''Julie:''' Heh!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Other... fun things. [''Chris has a lecherous tone to his voice'']

'''Julie:''' I hear you!

'''Chris:''' Just- just each other on the couch... or on my bed.

'''Julie:''' I can't wait.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah. [''stress sigh''] This point yeah. Pretty much, uhh... but don't quote me- um, I don't want you [[CWCki|spreading it around]] and uh... well yeah, at this point, uh... eh... [[PandaHalo|Sarah... Panda]] is gone. I'll just let her fly away right now... to uh... to Clyde, if she is going there, just let her fly- just let her- I'll just let her go. I'll give you my-

'''Julie:''' I'm real- I'm very sorry to hear Panda has left you. And after all this time and you loved her. And she would just leave you for that.

'''Chris:''' It's okay. [[Chris and death|I'm able to recover.]] Then... move on.

'''Julie:''' I hope so.

'''Chris:''' But anyway. Uhh, Julie- I'll let you take my virginity.

'''Julie:''' [''muted''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' After you get here and we spend... [[third date|plenty of time]] together and get to know each other in person.

'''Julie:''' I look forward to that, 100% Chris.

'''Chris:''' You've come so far. You'll be the uh- the wife- the one who actually made it.

==== 00:52:51 Chris The Cherry Popp'n, Prematurely Ejaculating Machine! ====

'''Julie:''' Chris, can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Oh yeah. How do you think our first time would- [''audio cut'']

'''Chris:''' I'd do the best I can. [''gives a nervous, scared laugh''] Hopefully not prematurely ev-ejaculate.

'''Julie:''' Hope not! I wanna enjoy it as much as I can.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, certainly I would try my best to make it as... satisfactory as possible. I mean, I've watched a lot of pornography, educational... or, uh just... sets or uh, and I've learned from that.

'''Julie:''' I see. What position would you like best? Can I ask?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I don't know. Cowgirl.

'''Julie:''' I've heard of it. I think I might enjoy it.

'''Chris:''' You're on top.

'''Julie:''' [giggle] Wait, how would I be on top?

'''Chris:''' I'm on my back-

'''Julie:''' Oh yeah, I remember.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Mmm. So yeah, Julie, you know, come here as soon as possible... If you can make it by- if you can make it for even at least a visit... on my, by my, on my birthday... later this month... I would appreciate that.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I promise you, I will try my absolute hardest to visit you on your birthday.

[''pause'']
[[Image:1240785819569.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is smiling for you. Just for you.]]
'''Chris:''' Too bad you can't see me smile, because [[creepy stare|I'm smiling for you]].

'''Julie:''' Well, there's always... S-Skype, but... nah. Not right now.

'''Chris:''' It's okay. [''pause''] There's also PlayStation Network Chat. I have PlayStation Eye. But uhh-

'''Julie:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' -unfortunately, your brother... maybe he'll- maybe he'll give it back to you.

==== 00:54:54 The First Time OH GOD. ====

'''Julie:''' I hope so. Hey Chris, I know you might not want to, I'm just asking, but do you think you could describe the first time?

'''Chris:''' Mmmmmm...

'''Julie:''' For me?

'''Chris:''' Mmm... I tell you what, how about I uh... type it up and send it to you on multiple messages on PSN...

'''Julie:''' Aww, are you sure?

'''Chris:''' Cuz... cuz I can't recollect it off the top of my head, and it's a lot of detail.

'''Julie:''' But you can stay... I'll stay for the whole thing! It's a lot easier to say it in words. Please Chris?

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' For me?

'''Chris:''' I might. It's gonna take me... a while to recollect.

'''Julie:''' I'll wait the entire time.

'''Chris:''' You are a trooper.

'''Julie:''' And it doesn't have to be perfectly accurate.

'''Chris:''' Lemme just ask you though, out of curiosity... are you a virgin?

'''Julie:''' Indeed I am. And I'll gladly let you take it.

'''Chris:''' Let's take each other.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [pause] Take it as a compliment, you're making me hard.

'''Julie:''' Okay, so can you describe it? For me?

'''Chris:''' Yeah okay I'm trying- lemme- okay, mmm.

'''Julie:''' I will patiently wait.

==== 00:56:38 I HAVE TO TRANSCRIBE THIS?! WHAT THE HELL MAN! WHAT THE HELL! ====

'''Chris:''' We will firstly make out.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. During that day I would have eaten plenty of strawberries.

'''Julie:''' I love strawberries. Lemme tell you Chris...

'''Chris:''' Mmm?

'''Julie:''' I'm [[mass debating|masturbating]] right now to this thought. So please continue.

'''Chris:''' We're making out. Mmm. We're... I'd let you... I'd let ya... pull my pants down, and let you warm me up a bit.

'''Julie:''' I would love to.

'''Chris:''' Uhhgh... You wouldn't mind giving- uh, you wouldn't mind giving me a, uh... blowjob?

'''Julie:''' I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.

'''Chris:''' So uh, you just imagine it... and you're enjoying it I think?

'''Julie:''' Of course I am.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. You have my right hand on... your left shoulder.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' J-just just- just having it there.

'''Julie:''' Yes!

==== 00:58:20 Chris Admits To Probable Premature Ejaculation ====

'''Chris:''' Mmm. A'right yeah, then eventually yeah... You would pretty much, eventually uh, you might- you might get some of the premature stuff... at least that's like, out of the way. [''inhales nervously'']

'''Julie:''' We would continue after that, right?

'''Chris:''' I still have a lot more... I still got a lot more tiger in my tank. Rawr.

'''Julie:''' Me too.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

==== 00:58:54 Return to Ear Rape ====

'''Chris:''' Let's say we, uh... undress each other.

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''Julie sounds bored'']

'''Chris:''' I'll unhook your bra.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Then I would, uh... be... be marveling at your... at your... nipples.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm.

'''Chris:''' Cuz you've already marveled at my [[duck|dick]]...!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Excuse me?

'''Chris:''' You're pretty- I mean-

'''Julie:''' Can you repeat that?

'''Chris:''' I said, you would have already marveled at my... dick.

'''Julie:''' Yes I have.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Then we just- then we'd just be undressing each other... at this point. Then I'd know that it's your turn. I'll massage your breasts with my hands and I'll have my mouth at your pussy.

'''Julie:''' Mmm... I would enjoy that very much.

'''Chris:''' Yes. There you go, massaging and giving me... my head.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

==== 01:00:09 Julie Encourages Chris ====

'''Julie:''' Chris, can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yeeees?

'''Julie:''' As I am... are you too... masturbating to this?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I don't have my hand... on me.

'''Julie:''' I was wishing maybe we could... do it together.

'''Chris:''' Mmm... let's call this a little rehearsal. We don't necessarily need to let anything go with the moment.

'''Julie:''' Oh a'right. Please continue though.

==== 01:00:44 Sexy Time Again! ====

'''Chris:''' You know what? I just grabbed it.

'''Julie:''' I'm happy to hear.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's, it's not hanging out- but I'm grabbing it. You made me grab it.

[''Julie giggles twice'']

'''Chris:''' Then eventually, uh... I'll give it to you first doggy style.

'''Julie:''' Thank you. [''pause''] Please continue.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. In and out, in and out... mmm.
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|right|SEVEN INCHES MY MORBIDLY OBESE ARSE.]]
'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you something? How big is it?

'''Chris:''' It can go up to seven inches.

'''Julie:''' Oh wow! I'd love that. [''pause''] Please continue, I'd love to hear it. I love to hear this- thank you!

'''Chris:''' So... just let it play in your imagination. In and out, in and out- doggy style!

'''Julie:''' Yay!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Then eventually... I'd fall towards you and we'd both lay together on the bed, side by side... I mean we are lying- we are laying on our sides. I am behind you.

'''Julie:''' Ohh.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris puts on another retarded voice''] My dick is still in your pus-sey, and my fingers are making sure it stays in there.

'''Julie:''' Hmm... Would you do it [[homo|up the butt]]?

'''Chris:''' [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|Not on the first time]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' We'll enjoy the moment.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I am.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''retard-o voice returns''] In and ooooout, in and oooooout. It... feels good.

[retarded, incomprehensible stammering]

'''Chris:''' [''more retarded voice''] And pretty soon, and pretty soon the cowgirl... You're on top! You're on top of meeee... you're riding-

'''Julie:''' I would ride that so much.

'''Chris:''' -me, you're riding me hard.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm.
[[Image:Strawberries.png|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
'''Chris:''' B-but then, but then... [''Chris suddenly switches to his normal voice''] By the way I would be wearing a condom. So like you know, so like you know I have no problem wearing it, so if I got inside you and be protected... or I could like pull it out, and go right all onto... your bosom. Or into your mouth. Whatever you want. I'll give you a pearl necklace, or I'll... feed it to ya.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' What do you want. What is it you desire.

'''Julie:''' Maybe just... to have it. Maybe just to eat it, I suppose. You did say it would taste like strawberries.

'''Chris:''' That's because I would have eaten a bunch of strawberries beforehand.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' So... mmm. There you go. [''retarded voice returns''] Huh huh... in the mouth![''normal''] You're enjoying that.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. And then we would pretty much... [[recycling|clean each other up in the bathroom]].

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm!

'''Chris:''' After that. Or we'd just hang around in the bed. W- W-

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other for a second or so'']

'''Julie:''' Excuse me for a second, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' [''Bored monotone''] I think... I'm coming.

'''Chris:''' Ho- ho boy!

'''Julie:''' Thank you so much Chris! That was a wonderful story. I hope that some day it will be a reality.

'''Chris:''' We'll soon see, won't we?

'''Julie:''' I hope so.

==== 01:04:58 Getting in Contact IRL ====

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Is it possible you could take a picture of yourself... and send it to me in a PlayStation Network... message?

'''Julie:''' I will try and get a camera, yes!

'''Chris:''' I like that. Oh, by the way, uhh... you do have my phone number right?

'''Julie:''' Uhhm- not yet, but I haven't been able to get hold of a phone, only at my current workplace. I was a- I was pretty desperate to find a place to live so I wasn't able to actually get a phone yet. But I would love to have it, so I can call it once I get to that point where... I can get one.

'''Chris:''' A'right well uh, you have uh... a pencil and paper?

'''Julie:''' Uh huh, I do.

'''Chris:''' A'right well you can call me on my cell, it's uh... 760-0848, area code 434.

'''Julie:''' One more time please?

'''Chris:''' I should uhh start from the beginning, it's uh, (434) 760-0848.

'''Julie:''' I- [''audio cut'']

'''Chris:''' Got that?

'''Julie:''' Uh huh, indeed I did.

'''Chris:''' A'right, read that back to me.

'''Julie:''' A'right. [''pause''] (434) 760-088- sorry. (434), 76...0-084...8.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's right.

'''Julie:''' Good.

'''Chris:''' After you get your phone, let me know your number... uh uh- message on the PlayStation Network at work-

'''Julie:''' A'right-

'''Chris:''' -or whenever we talk in private, and then I'll know it's your phone number.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm! I'll try get a phone soon.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Good. Mmm. And uh- you know what? You made me feel good, even though I [''Windows beeping in the background''] didn't [[Chris Loses It|lose it]] right away, you made me feel good.

'''Julie:''' Hmm! I'm happy.

'''Chris:''' I'm happy I made you feel wonderful... as well.

'''Julie:''' Hmm, you did.

'''Chris:''' I think it'll be better... when we're actually better in person.

'''Julie:''' It will.

'''Chris:''' You know what? I'm imagining myself leaning towards you, and my forehead's touching your forehead...

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' ... and we're looking at each other eye to eye...

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Mmm. [''pause''] And then what happens?

'''Chris:''' [''snorts, pause''] I dunno, we just... be emotional and then... and then we make out some more. [''laughs'']

'''Julie:''' I look forward to it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, let's be emotional in person, together, when it gets to that point.

==== 01:08:06 Julie AFKs Out, Some Trolls Laugh ====

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''pause''] I'll be right back, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Okay, me too.

'''Julie:''' A'right.

[''Sound of random junk being moved'']

'''Julie:''' Umuhh- I'll be back in about five minutes.

'''Basement Rosechu:''' In addition, this partnership is a better [''inaudible''] ability, will allow you to [''inaudible''] for any reason. We are a rapidly changing market, and under- [''Presumably, Chris tracks down the escaped rodent and murders her'']

[''Ominous silence'']

'''Troll:''' [''faint''] Oh... god...! ...Huhuh... [''This is presumably the unknown dude who appears later in the chat'']

[''Sound of typing'']

[''Silence'']

[''Giggling and slapping of thighs in the background'']

'''Troll:''' [''faint''] What the... fuck.

==== 01:09:42 Julie Returns, Chris's Parents ====

'''Julie:''' Chris?

'''Chris:''' Ahh- hang on a second, I gotta put my earphones back on. [''pause''] Okay, so you were say-

'''Julie:''' If I may ask?

'''Chris:''' Sorry, what?

'''Julie:''' Um-

'''Chris:''' Oh, you-y-y-

'''Julie:''' -would your parents mind?

'''Chris:''' My parents mind what?

'''Julie:''' If I came over to your house and we did the business? [''pause''] Would they mind? Would they be okay with it? I hope so.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, I think they're- I think they're- they're cool.

'''Julie:''' I would love to meet your father and mother.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. And I- and I would- Imma let them know about you as well. They're looking forward to meeting you as well. You know, in introduction.

'''Julie:''' Mmm? Can you say that again?

'''Chris:''' Mmm?

'''Julie:''' I didn't hear you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. I said um- I'll tell- I'd talk to my mother, and let her know about uh you, and after you come over I'll be only too glad to uh, introduce you to [[Cole|the whole family]].

'''Julie:''' I'm happy to see that- to hear that.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' So Chris, mostly I've been talking about- mostly I've like been starting to talk... is there anything I can talk about? Anything I can answer for you?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Uhh, nothing comes to my mind right now, it's- it's pretty much... blank, you know? Hmm.

==== 01:11:34 The Future ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm, a'right. [''pause''] Hey Chris, how do you think your future will be like?

'''Chris:''' H-How do I think my future will be like?

'''Julie:''' Yes! Either yours or mine and yours.

'''Chris:''' Well uh you know, you know, for me at least you know, eventually, I would be married and... have my daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].

'''Julie:''' Hopefully you can be married to me, and I can be the mother. [''pause''] Chris, I would gladly be the mother to Crystal. Gladly.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Good. Unngh.

'''Julie:''' Would I be a housewife, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Hmm- we'll see, but uh, I was kinda hoping to be the house husband.

'''Julie:''' But I'm very good with [[sonee|children]]... and I can cook.. I can clean very well, too.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, we'll see what- we'll see what happens when the time- when the time is right, you know?

'''Julie:''' A'right. Do you think in the event that we- in the event that we do decide that I am the house... wife... maybe you could get a job? What job would you like to have? That's a good question, I would like to ask you.

'''Chris:''' Uhhm, I'm not certain... but at least you know, you're promising, 'cuz, you know, you're thinking that doctor's a good job...

'''Julie:''' Wait Chris, what about your CADD degrees? You could get a job with that, can't you?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... probably, but uh, not really sure at the moment.

'''Julie:''' Cuz Chris, the thing is, I really don't have an American high school diploma, I can't work.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' I'm gonna *try* to get doctor, but it's not gonna be easy, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya'. Hmm. Oh, I will definitely give the question some thought. Plenty of thought.

==== 01:13:58 Julie Tries To White-Knight Chris ====

'''Julie:''' Also, I'm really happy- I was looking at- I was looking at the Internet, I was happy to find out that there are a lot of things I can get online that I wasn't able to find in the Molvanîan stores. I was able to... I'd like to set up something called a PayPal, have you heard of it?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. It's pretty good! Maybe-

'''Chris:''' -Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I think I'll get one.

'''Chris:''' Uhh... I usually use Paypal for like, uh... paying or... receiving money for goods I sell on eBay.

'''Julie:''' I didn't realize you sold things on eBay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I did.

[''Julie and Chris talk over each other'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh, just various things I didn't need anymore. But it's like you know, it costs money to list- it costs money to list on eBay, and you would have to have a bank account linked to the PayPal account...

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' But it's like you know- knows, it- so then it knows, so they know where to send the money to or take the money from.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I thought of something that might be able to get you money.

'''Chris:''' Hmm?

'''Julie:''' Hey- what if you advertised Sonichu? And, it would gain popularity, and you could sell merchandise... you wouldn't need [[Miyamoto saga|Nintendo]], you could just sell it!

'''Chris:''' Mmm... I don't know about that, uhhm-

'''Julie:''' I think it's a good idea, you really should advertise. Like, in your neighborhood. Maybe in [[Ruckersville]].

'''Chris:''' Umm... I'll give that some thought. I'll give that some thought. [''pause''] I'm not making any promises, I'm not making any promises, but I will gi- I will definitely... greatly consider it.

'''Julie:''' Could I consider something, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Julie:''' Maybe- you could go outside, do a meet-and-greet. Just walk around Ruckersville and meet a lot of people. Say- just be nice to them and tell them about Sonichu, the popularity will indeed grow.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That's something-

'''Julie:''' They'll tell their friends.

'''Chris:''' That's something that... in addition... I can think about.

'''Julie:''' I really hope you do, cuz', I really wanna see Sonichu become a main brand- maybe even a video game to come out, something I can play on my PS3. It would be wonderful.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. But you know what's uhh- more wonderful? Or what will be more wonderful?

'''Julie:''' What? What?

'''Chris:''' You being here.

'''Julie:''' I would hope that too. Sadly, the economy is not letting that happen easily. I've said before, I'm tr-

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' -trying very, very hard to get over there.

'''Chris:''' And your efforts will be greatly rewarded when you come.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I... since. Hmm. I figure you should try and do something. You need to prove to Nintendo that Sonichu is a great idea. I know that as far as what I've heard, they aren't exactly-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, actually... they agreed- they uh, they did, uh, you've heard- they've acknowledged that it is a great idea, but because I was unable to uh make the trip, because I could not afford it- afford the trip- said trip myself, to uh Redmond from Virginia, I mean, even on an airplane, or even in- or even on a- road trip...

==== 01:17:49 Julie's Redmond Plan ====

'''Julie:''' Well Chris, I have like- a step by step plan on what you can do. You can save up for a couple of months, step one. Step two, reserve a cheap airline ticket that can get you to Redmond. Second, bring a trusted friend along- maybe you can get a-hold of [[Cole Smithey]], perhaps?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, I-I-

'''Julie:''' Are you still in touch with him?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...

'''Julie:''' Maybe you could bring... Hmm- you could bring your [[Bob|father]]? Maybe he could help. I've heard he's... he's got [''inaudible''] expertise.

'''Chris:''' [''mumbles''] Mmm maybe my [[Snorlax|mother]]... erm. Or you know, here's a thought... I could bring you.

'''Julie:''' Weeell, I think we could try that, but I-I don't think it'll be in the near future if we try that...

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' But by all means...

'''Chris:''' It's uh, gonna be a while before we can uh, save up enough money to uh, actually... save up e- save up like... $800 for like a pair of tickets.

'''Julie:''' I don't think it'll be $800... I think it'll be something... maybe like $500? I'm not sure? But- I'm not positive...

'''Chris:''' Well, time will tell.

'''Julie:''' Well, a couple of months and... you know. You can get there. They'll reimburse you, so it won't be a big loss- maybe-

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' -maybe you can get Sonichu made. You have to assert yourself, as I've said before.

==== 01:19:22 More On Nintendo ====

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it's also- but it's also like you know uh, I thought, I thought yeah- pretty much uh, [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] uh, pretty much gave me a pretty much- a very aggressive talk down to about... the project's cancellation.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. Though Reggie is... the big cheese of Nintendo, you should try-

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' -You should try... showing to Reggie that... you are just as capable... as anyone else at Nintendo.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. No I've made-

'''Julie:''' -Show 'em you can... show 'em you can, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUTl1vEG62Q as Reggie once said at E3 I believe? Show 'em you can kick arse and take names.]

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. But I gotta be able to afford the trip first. Then I can show it- then I can show it to him. And uh, after you get here, you can help me with that.

'''Julie:''' I would love to help you with Sonichu. The game. I would love to help you. I honestly would.

'''Chris:''' And you know what else- and you know what else you can help me with in addition to that?

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' [[sweetheart from the ground up|You can keep me emotionally sound... and secure.]]

'''Julie:''' I will, I promise I will.

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh, you know, I- [[BlueSpike|I like your voice]].

'''Julie:''' Ch-Chris. Maybe you should try writing a game design document. Like, all your plans for the game...

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' -every plan for the game?

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' -planning things out.

'''Chris:''' I have uhh some... story I- I have some ideas for stories and unlock-ables already... typed up.

'''Julie:''' Well if-if you-if you could type it up or just send it to me, maybe ref-refine it a bit, maybe... send it to me- maybe I can try and...

'''Chris:''' -yeah well it's not complete, well I mean I still have other story details to figure out. But-

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' It's still gonna be a while... for probably even that. And those ideas will be- pretty much will be translated into comics beyond [[Sonichu 10|book number ten]].

==== 01:21:40 About The Next Comic ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm. Oh, that's another question- can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' About the next comic... do you think it'll take as long as the last one, or do you think it'll get here sooner?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Urgh, we'll see. Depends on how I feel.

'''Julie:''' I'll do everything in my power to help you.

[''sound of Windows beeping in the background'']

'''Chris:''' And I'll... greatly appreciate that.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. I should go, uhh... collect my thoughts about everything that we talked about, and... just go and give everything we talked about great consideration... and uh, big deal of thought.

'''Julie:''' A'right. Hey Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Do you think you can come back here tomorrow for another private chat? I'd enjoy it if you could.

==== 01:22:48 From Behind The Mirror, Clyde Returns! ====

'''Clyde:''' Wow, I've been here the entire time... heh heh heh... under [[Vivian Gee|my cousin's name]], of course. *tsk* And by the way, Julie- how'd you enjoy that Salesman-

'''Julie:''' Clyde, get out of here, you jerk!

'''Clyde:''' How did you enjoy that salesman?

'''Julie:''' How do you- how did you know?

'''Clyde:''' Guess who that was... [''whisper''] Guess who that was...!

'''Chris:''' Get outta here you jerk!

'''Julie:''' It's a troll! ...who was it?

'''Clyde:''' It was me! C'mon I was in- arrg, God, you irritate me sometimes! And next time... I'll bring my [[Megatron pistol|gun]].

'''Julie:''' [''whimpering''] Chris, I'm scared!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone!

'''Clyde:''' You're all the way over there, what are you gonna do?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[Patti|I'll haunt your dreams]].

'''Clyde:''' I don't sleep.

'''Chris:''' I'll haunt you in your sleep.

'''Clyde:''' I don't... sleep.

'''Chris:''' I'll haunt you at your every waking moment... in your- in the deep crevasses of your mind.

'''Clyde:''' That's all you're going to do? Do you want me to just kill Julie and say-

'''Julie:''' -Chris...!

'''Clyde:''' -I'll just haunt you in your dreams? [''cackles maniacally'']

'''Julie:''' [''sounding terrified''] He's gonna kill me Chris, help! Do something, please!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone, you bastard.

'''Clyde:''' That's not gonna make me do anything. That's not gonna make me do anything.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Watch out-

'''Clyde:''' Are you going to run, Chris?

[''Julie begins crying and babbling in terror in the background'']

'''Clyde:''' That'll show me. Run away, run away! That'll do it!

'''Chris:''' I'm not running.

'''Clyde:''' What are you gonna do, Chris. What are you gonna do.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Chris? I'm worried...

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] I will be by your- I will always be by your side, Julie.

[''Clyde and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Clyde:''' You can't even make the trip to *Redmond*... You can't even make that trip!

'''Julie:''' He knows where I live- he has a gun- he's gonna kill me!

[''They stop'']

'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm worried for my life, you have to do something...! You said you'd protect me...!

'''Chris:''' I have God by my side.

'''Clyde:''' [''chuckles''] There is no God, Chris. What are you going to do?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'll pray for Julie's safety. And I'll pray for you to... leave her alone. Ow. I'll definitely-

[''Julie whimpers and sobs in the background'']

'''Clyde:''' Praying... will do nothing, Chris. You couldn't even protect Sarah-! What makes you think you can protect Julie?

'''Chris:''' I'm offering... praying... is my way- is one way of offering... hope.

'''Clyde:''' Hope. Obama- and that will do nothing!-

'''Chris:''' -and piece of mind-

'''Clyde:''' -that will do nothing! ...maybe I should-

'''Chris:''' -it will-

'''Clyde:''' -just show up at her doorstep again.

[''pause'']

==== 01:25:40 Clyde and Chris Argue ====

'''Chris:''' Get outta here ya' bastard.

'''Clyde:''' That's all you're gonna say, g-

'''Julie:''' -Chris!

'''Clyde:''' -et outta here, y-you're not going to protect Julie.

'''Chris:''' I'm prot-

'''Julie:''' -Chris!

'''Clyde:''' Well I can see she- worth-

'''Chris:''' I am here. I will protect Julie.

'''Clyde:''' How?

'''Chris:''' You leave- you leave- you leave her alone.

'''Clyde:''' Your words do nothing. You haven't taken action in your life, have you?

'''Chris:''' I have taken more action than you have taken... anything.

'''Clyde:''' That didn't even make sense- when's the last time you been outside your house?

'''Chris:''' -terday.

'''Clyde:''' Doing what? Doing WHAT? At McDonald's? Buying your- whatever-

'''Julie:''' He was getting something for his mother, you JERK- something you probably never... did!

'''Chris:''' Yes, I was getting my mother a cup of coffee.

[''Clyde bursts into hysterical, maniacal laughter'']

'''Clyde:''' Ooooh my God, and tell me, tell me-

[''Chris and Clyde talk over each other- Clyde is inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Well laugh now you bastard, but God will strike down, and smite thee.

'''Clyde:''' Smite me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Clyde:''' Okay, okay. Tell me what's the most... action thing you've ever done. I ran away from home, living on the streets and living in below-zero temperatures. What have you done, Chris?

[''Extremely long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have stood up...

[''Chris and Clyde talk over each other again; again, Chris wins and Clyde can't be heard until the end'']

'''Chris:''' -for my friends. And myself.

'''Clyde:''' Like [[Megan]], am I right? Am I right?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' You are only... a single, solitary soul. With only as much power as the next one. You are only- you are only trying to talk down to me... and scare... me... and Julie, because you yourself are-

'''Julie:''' -he IS scaring me!

'''Clyde:''' Yes, and you totally protected S-Sarah, didn't you?

'''Julie:''' [''frightened''] Chris, he knows where I live! He says he's gonna kill me! He has-

'''Clyde:''' Of course I know where you live.

[''pause'']

==== 01:28:03 Chris Stands Up To Clyde ====

'''Chris:''' All you're trying to do is just... make yourself- all you're trying to do is- trying to up yourself... make yourself feel superior, when clearly you are not.

'''Clyde:''' Clearly I am. I mean, come on. You can't even... tell me- you said you would like... fight me or something, you said you would inflict pain- c'mon man, you can't even like, I don't know, I don't know, like, any. I'm a little tired right now. Huh. I'm lost for words. There's-There's is no way to describe how pathetic you are. There is no way describe how pathetic you are.

'''Chris:''' You know what? You calling me pathetic is calling yourself... pathetic. You're about as pathetic as you are describing me as pathetic.

'''Clyde:''' ...what.

'''Chris:''' You're the pathetic one. [''pause''] 'cuz you called me the pathetic one.

'''Clyde:''' Wow, you really are autistic, aren't you.

'''Chris:''' I may be high functioning autistic... but I know... the mindset of the majority of people individually. I have seen [''Windows beeping''] a lot... in my lifetime. I have seen so much. [''pause''] And you are trying to scare me... with your own... infe-with your own... inferiority... and [[slow in the minds|slow wit]].

'''Clyde:''' What do you mean, slow wit? You're the one with autism!

'''Chris:''' You probably suffer from your own mental innis [sic] or physical ailment, don't you.

'''Clyde:''' No, not really. I'm damn good looking. I'm pretty sure you'd be dead gay for me.

'''Chris:''' I bet you're on drugs, aren't you.

'''Julie:''' Chris would never [''inaudible, something about being gay''], you jerk!

'''Chris:''' -okay Julie. I will never be turned.

'''Julie:''' Yeah but Chris he knows where I live, I- mmm... I'm scared.

'''Clyde:''' I'll plan a visit tomorrow okay, Julie? I'll plan a visit tomorrow.

'''Julie:''' Noo...!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone!

==== 01:30:23 Russian Roulette ====

'''Julie:''' What are you gonna do? What are you going to do?

'''Clyde:''' I'm going to play Russian Roulette.

'''Julie:''' Ahh...! Chris!

'''Clyde:''' You know what that is? I put a bullet... in a gun. For a thrill thing. Let's just see if she has the... luck, of an honest and pure girl.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] You know what? You've played Russian Roulette with yourself... I bet. And you've always come out at a loss...

'''Clyde:''' If I lost I would be dead. Y-You know what Russian Roulette is, right?

'''Chris:''' [''Chris tries to be deep and meaningful''] Ooooh, not loss- as in, loss of life... but loss. As in loss- of emotion, of-

==== 01:31:18 Clyde Is Crazy ====

'''Clyde:''' Okay, you know what- forget the Russian Roulette game, I'm just gonna shoot her, how about that?

'''Julie:''' [''fake sounding cries''] Chris! Help! ...Clyde, I'm warning you. My brother has-

'''Clyde:''' What are you gonna do, Julie? What are you gonna do.

'''Chris:''' Dude. She has her brother... to defend her.

'''Clyde:''' Uhh- Her- I've seen her brother, he's pathetic, I could easily kick his arse.

'''Julie:''' I doubt it.

'''Clyde:''' Wait what is?

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, you clearly underestimate a whole lot of people. So many-

'''Clyde:''' Uhh, no I haven't. I easily got rid of [[Robert Simmons V|Robert Simmons]], and I easily got rid of Sarah. I can do the same... again and again... and again and again and again. [''pause''] And again.

'''Chris:''' [[death threats|You really are a psychopath.]]

'''Clyde:''' [[Wikipedia:The Dark Knight (film)|Why so serious?]]

'''Chris:''' You... need to be put in an institution.

'''Clyde:''' Hehe, more like you need to be put in an institution. Hehe. I mean, you're obviously delusional- you really believe... that you- that you can smite me- and that you can stop me, with your words... you really think that.

'''Chris:''' I don't just think that... but I am confident.

'''Clyde:''' You say that you know that- that's just confidence. I know that Julie will be DEAD tomorrow.

'''Chris:''' And I know... that you... are already dead inside.

'''Clyde:''' Yes, I've been dead inside for quite some time, you were right about something. But I'm still living... in this little body of mine... and I will take Julie's... tomorrow.

'''Julie:''' Noo...!

'''Chris:''' You will not.

'''Clyde:''' You're right, you're right, I won't. I'll just leave her... I don't know. I don't know what I'll do.

'''Julie:''' What are you gonna do!?

'''Clyde:''' -she's a nice woman, she deserves to live. You don't, Chris- you don't deserve to live.

'''Chris:''' A'right if you've got the guts to say that, why don't you come over to my house in Ruckersville Virginia, you bastard?

'''Clyde:''' Why should I? I'd be making the game too easy. And I... why don't you come to me?

'''Chris:''' Oh. I could easily come to you. But the question is, are you... are you, so called, brave enough to actually come to the man who you think you could take down easily... but you obviously fear so much.

'''Clyde:''' You know the point of me doing this is so that you come to me, you do know that right?[''pause''] What, are you going to hide behind your parents? Your mother and father will protect you- is that what's going to happen?

'''Chris:''' ...do not interrupt me, because I was at a trail of thought. [''pause''] Without me, your rage goes on without a point.

'''Clyde:''' W-Well yeah, that's the point. My rage will die when you die. That's... kind of the point.

'''Chris:''' And then what would you do?

'''Clyde:''' And then I could feel at peace.

==== 01:35:05 Clyde's Backstory... ====

'''Chris:''' You would feel at peace, huh. Yet I bet- that actually you could say the same thing about somebody else who probably has abused you in your lifetime.

'''Clyde:''' No.

'''Chris:''' You said you ran away from home.

'''Clyde:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Was it something- was it- did you run away from home because your mother, or your father, or maybe both of them... was- was uhh, abusing you?

'''Clyde:''' It was nothing like that, it was for a girl. That was a pretty bad lead in my opinion, but I've gotten over that. I'm here. And I want to do something terrible. I should write down my plan, right now.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

[''pause'']

'''Clyde:''' So what are you gonna do. Whatcha gonna do. [''long pause''] Nothing apparently.

'''Chris:''' No...! I am going to do something.

'''Clyde:''' Go to McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' Chris, you really need to do something, I'm scared!

[''long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm doing something Julie. I'm standing up for you.

'''Julie:''' Yes, but he knows where I live!

'''Clyde:''' I bet you can't even stand up, could you? Ha ha ha...

'''Chris:''' You just leave- you leave her alone. You let- you let- you let her live, you leave her... physically unharmed. Cuz, just as easily, I can call the police on you.

'''Clyde:''' A'right, do it. [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I will tell 'em the whole story. About you, and [[Ryan Cash|Ryan]], and uh- what you did... they can- they can and will find you.

'''Clyde:''' Well, a'right, look. My actual house is in Australia, a'right? But you're not gonna find anything there- you're just gonna find... woo. A bunch of weed I left back there, okay? I mean, you're gonna hide behind the police... and that's not gonna do anything because, you know, I am in America so- they aren't gonna do anything.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, let me ask you something. How could you afford... a trip to... Australia and back with every fare you could go quickly.

'''Clyde:''' It's called an inheritance. An inheritance. An inheritance.

'''Chris:''' You ran away from home, how did you inherit something?

'''Clyde:''' Of course, I'm not a stupid person. I made up with my parents before they mysteriously died for some reason.

'''Chris:''' I'm taking a [[Pocket knife|stab]] at this, but you killed them?

'''Clyde:''' No. They uh... carbon monoxide.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris sounds triumphant''] Carbon monoxide.

'''Clyde:''' It's some- ruhg. Look, never mind, you're too stupid to figure this out.

'''Chris:''' No, I am not stupid. I have- I have perfectly... understanding... what carbon monoxide is.

'''Clyde:''' Then what is it?

'''Chris:''' It's a poisonous gas.

'''Clyde:''' Where do you think that normally comes from? There's so many general- hehehe... accidental carbon monoxide poisonings.

'''Chris:''' [[autism|I can obviously tell because uh- you definitely killed them with your c- with the carbon monoxide, because you are putting so much emphasis on accidental.]] You can set it- you can set it- you have obviously set up something that would... LEAK. The carbon monoxide... and kill your parents. What did you have against your parents?

'''Clyde:''' Man you jump to conclusions... like a [[wikipedia:Office Space|jump to conclusions mat]]. You seriously need help, you autistic fuck.

'''Chris:''' Oh- *I'M* the one who jumps to conclusions? Well you jump to- you jump to conclusions of me being [[Chris and English|uncapable]] of doing anything.

==== 01:39:46 Chris Won't Leave His Filthy Shithole ====

'''Clyde:''' You are uncapable [sic] of doing anything, I know that. [''pause''] What, am I right? Am I right? Just admit it. [''pause''] Oh God- every single woman, you wanted them to come to your house, you wanted... Sarah to come to your house, you wanted Julie to come to your house, you are so lazy- why don't you leave your house? [[obesity|And drop a few pounds]].

'''Julie:''' God, stop it! That's enough!

'''Clyde:''' It's true isn't it, Julie, though? Is it true?

'''Julie:''' No it's not, you're lying, stop it!

'''Clyde:''' He is lazy. He's not going to come to you, you have to come to him- you have to sacrifice everything. He just sits at home and... you know... plays his PS3.

'''Julie:''' You're lying!

'''Clyde:''' -plays his PS3. Isn't that right?

'''Julie:''' Stop it!

'''Chris:''' Yes, you are lying.

'''Julie:''' Stop it!

'''Chris:''' Listen-

'''Clyde:''' -I'm right!

'''Julie:''' He IS lying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, listen. Listen Clyde- if I could, I would come to- come to Julie personally, I would. But I have a lot at stake here. I leave- if I leave my house... a-and I mean, I don't know Julie's address. I don't know where she is right now. A-An if I had... and if I had- if I uh, had the address, I would most definitely go to her because she is- [''incomprehensible stammering, stress sigh''] -she would be there... to accept me. And let me in.

'''Julie:''' Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' I know... I know that I said I would like you to come to me, but... I feel it would be better for you if I went to your house. That was my decision. I would... like to go to your place.

'''Chris:''' Thank you, Julie. I appreciate that but- I'm jus- I'm just letting you know...

'''Julie:''' Actually, Chris-

'''Clyde:''' NO. I will never-

'''Julie:''' This is actually a very hard choice-

'''Clyde:''' No... Julie, I'm not going to let you-

'''Julie:''' ...this is actually a choice...

'''Clyde:''' -never going to let you leave.

'''Julie:''' CLYDE! Fine.

'''Chris:''' SHUT THE FUCK UP.

'''Clyde:''' No. I won't.

'''Julie:''' Chris... I need to think about this. I will think about this. Who's going to go where.

'''Clyde:''' You can't think while you're dead, you know that right?

'''Julie:''' This is... this is a somewhat hard choice for me to make, Chris. But I assure you- something will be done.

'''Clyde:''' You're going to let them [''inaudible''], let them walk out, sacrifice her safety... just for you? Ooooh- you ARE pathetic man, you know that, right?

[''sound of random junk bumping around, an occasional stress sigh, long pause'']

==== 01:42:56 More Insults ====

'''Chris:''' I tell you what. You, Clyde... are so small.

'''Clyde:''' More insults. That's going to stop me. You're gonna hurt my feelings so much I'm just... stay inside my hotel, and-

'''Chris:''' I don't have-

[''Chris, Julie and Clyde talk over each other- only Chris is audible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't have- I don't have-

'''Julie:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' I don't have to hurt your feel-

'''Julie:''' What do you think about what I said? Do you agree with what I said Chris?

'''Chris:''' Y-yeah. I-I hear you, Julie.

'''Julie:''' Thank you.

'''Chris:''' Y-yeah. Anyway. You are small... [''stress sigh''] You think you can talk down... to anybody. You feel superior. When clearly, you are not. So therefore, you are definitely the small one in this room.

'''Clyde:''' Why am I pathetic? That I actually went out the world, saw everything...

'''Chris:''' I-It's because-

'''Clyde:''' -instead of playing my PS3.

'''Chris:''' Because you stooped so low... to try and hurt other people, to try and make yourself feel better. That... is pathetic. Thinking that... hurting others... will compensate for anything, for the better, when clearly it does not.

'''Troll:''' [''whisper''] AOmm....

==== 01:44:23 Chris Tries To Monologue Clyde To Death ====

'''Chris:''' All it does is just... [''whisper''] hurts... [''normal''] the other people, and it hurts yourself further... because... you hurt... others, against God's will, and you can only... try to tone that pain down... with your own self abuse... in your- with your- in your own... weed... and whatnot. That- that's just sad. You have my PITY. [''pause''] You have my pity, Clyde. And I'm sorry that- I'm sorry that Ryan... committed suicide over the one mistake I made in protest of that ED page... but you do not need to harm anybody, you do not need to kill anybody, because all that will do is just hurt yourself further. Because after your- after your supposedly... you supposedly did this revenge act, then what would you do? You don't- you don't know. But you say yourself, that you will be at peace-

'''Clyde:''' Exactly! That- that's my goal, to be at peace!

'''Chris:''' But does it really... fulfill... your emotional needs-

'''Clyde:''' Yeah. Yeah, it does. It really does.

'''Chris:''' It does- it will not. [[death threats|Harming others does not accomplish anything.]]

'''Clyde:''' Chris, you know all about harming others. You harm people every day. Your parents have to support you, every single day, they hurt inside. They hurt so much.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I know they hurt. And I feel their pain.

'''Clyde:''' You are the CAUSE of their pain. They probably regret birthing you every single day.

'''Chris:''' They do not. They appreciate it. They appreciate every moment. They have put so much time and effort in me- transforming me from... a mental nu- a mental case... to a- to a social pers- to a social butterfly... who can do s- who can do so much more than any other low-functioning autistic person can ever do. And for one thing? If they had not raised me the way they did, I would not be on the Internet, talking to... [[trolls|all the people]] I have been talking to. [[Chris and his ego|I am a warrior in my own rights]] and my own personality.

'''Clyde:''' So that's why your parents got you that [[abusive babysitter|babysitter]]... to GIVE you your autism in the first place, isn't it?

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Clyde, I think that's enough.

'''Clyde:''' No, I want him to answer this.

'''Chris:''' It's okay Julie. They did not know better about the babysitter. How could they?

'''Clyde:''' Alright.

'''Chris:''' Nobody but- It's not like uh, they knew the mindset of the babysitter. Nobody knows the mindset of any individual right off the bat. They have to get to- They have to actually take a little time to see inside them for how good or bad a person they are. And that takes a lot of time and energy. And my mother and father, in my lifetime, saw so much good in me, and all- I have been- and all I have shown for them was a lot of- was a lot of equal good. Some mistakes were made, yes. And I will not deny it, but I appreciate my mother and father, every day of my life. Because without them, I would not be a mainstream socially acceptable kind of man that I am today.

'''Clyde:''' Let me tell you, let me ask you something from your brother, uhh, [[Cole Smithey]], I believe.

'''Chris:''' Half.

'''Clyde:''' He said your parents, Bob and Barbara, met at a bar. And they concepted you out of a drunken stupor.

'''Chris:''' What.

'''Clyde:''' Your parents birthed you because they were drunk. They didn't know what they were doing.

'''Chris:''' They were not-

'''Clyde:''' gave birth to a failure like you.

'''Chris:''' Listen, they were not drunk. They were-

'''Clyde:''' Ask them about it. Cole Smithey told you years ago to ask them about it but you never did, did you? Why don't you go ask them?

==== 01:49:20 Sex in the City, you Faggot ====

'''Chris:''' You listen to me. Drunk or not, they had me. At an old age where my mother was so close to menopause and my father was a senior citizen. It- I was truly a miracle. It's like, I'm just like a man with only one ball and a woman with only one ovary. Which by the way, I picked that up from an episode of [[Homos|Sex in the City]].

'''Clyde:''' Wuh- that's nice that you watch Sex in the City. You faggot. Anyway, ahhh-

'''Chris:''' Anyway-

'''Clyde:''' Sex in the City is for girls, you do know that right?

'''Chris:''' I feel that- that shows that are supposedly aimed for girls are- are best- are best set for- are best viewable by those of both genders. Because men can attribute very well- very- in a positive way emotionally from such emotionally enriching programs. And also, less wars would be caused if men were more emotionally [''audio break''] -iked as such- more emotionally caring and understanding. Like women are.

==== 01:50:51 War! ====

'''Clyde:''' You do know wars have been caused for political reasons, not because men don't care. It's not about “ease of mental understanding feelings”, it's because of political gain. Power and corruption. What is wrong with you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Those people who have fought for power are clearly, were clearly not very well off themselves because they had to hide behind power themselves. So many people hid behind- hide behind one thing or another. I don't have to hide behind anything to prove myself. Anything or anyone.

[''Julie makes moaning noises in the background as Chris talks'']

'''Clyde:''' You do know that uh, even Hitler had a girlfriend?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I have heard that.

==== 01:51:53 Chris sucks ====

'''Clyde:''' My god Chris. Do you not understand? You are pathetic. Completely pathetic. Apparently- I'm surprised you managed to get three women interested in you. And yet you're not going to do anything. Come on Julie. If you stick with this man you will be making the worst mistake of your life.

'''Chris:''' Wu- well-

'''Julie:''' That's not true!

'''Clyde:''' Name three redeeming qualities that Chris has.

'''Julie:''' There are too many to name! There are so many, I would have to make a lot of paragraphs all about them. And every quality he has is why I like him. And love him. So step off.

'''Clyde:''' Okay, Chris, let me tell you something. Where do you think Autism comes from?

'''Chris:''' Scientifically speaking it has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious''] Then why do you say a babysitter did it?! That's not drugs or uh, whatever the other thing you said. Genetics!

'''Chris:''' The ba- ba- stop. The babysitter locked me in a room by myself. Without anybody else to play with or socially interact with. That's just, that's just a real-life event that brought out the uh, curse that was buried within me. From the genetics, or the uh, medication.

'''Clyde:''' Stop lying to me. You don't have autism, you're just using it as an excuse to blame all your problems.

'''Chris:''' I have- I have [[Autism papers|medical papers]] I have, that prove- that prove that I was- that I did have autism. That's-

'''Clyde:''' [''interrupting''] That was in the [[1980s]]. Get a REAL diagnosis!

==== 01:53:57 Suddenly Chris loses the plot ====

'''Chris:''' My first word- I said my first word when I was two weeks old.

'''Clyde:''' Impossible. No man can learn a language that fast.

'''Chris:''' Believe it or not, I was in my mother's arms, and there was a woman witness aside from my mother, and I said “monkey”.

'''Clyde:''' [''laughing''] Are you sure you didn't say “McDonald's”?

'''Chris:''' I was trying to say mommy, but instead I said monkey.

'''Clyde:''' Okay. If you get a real diagnosis, like now, you know what they'll call you? They'll just call you an idiot. Cuz that's what you are. You don't have autism, don't blame it on that.

'''Chris:''' You're right. I don't have to blame everything on autism. But I am and was- I was at least. And I am a man, and I have recovered beyond- from beyond that. I have come out of my own autistic shell. And have- and have conquered so many boundaries that any low-functioning autistic person would only be too scared to leap over.

'''Clyde:''' [''Enraged''] They are not scared! What is wrong with you?! They have actual mental issues! You don't!

'''Chris:''' Right, they were inhibited. But I have conquered my inhibitions. You're right, I should not have to blame my autism. Because clearly I have conq- clearly I have overcome it.

'''Clyde:''' You didn't overcome anything. You were just lazy from the start. You didn't want to make friends, you just said “Oh they're gay, I don't want to be their friend”. You know high-functioning autism is a lie, it's a complete lie.

'''Chris:''' It may be a lie from your point of view,

'''Clyde:''' It's not a point of view, it's fact, it's fact.

'''Chris:''' Maybe from your point of view, but-

'''Clyde:''' I just said not point of view! It's a fact.

'''Chris:''' It may be. But it describes an origin.

==== 01:56:37 The terrible truth of High-Functioning Autism ====

'''Clyde:''' Look- look it up yourself! Look up high-functioning autism. Who actually agrees with it? No one! Only actual autism or that Asperger's thing, but no such thing as high-functioning autism. No such thing.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, pause'']

'''Clyde:''' As I said, get a real diagnosis! Now! And see what they say about you.

'''Chris:''' I may consider that.

'''Clyde:''' Don't consider it, do it. I want you to know the truth. Maybe then I won't hurt Julie. We'll make a deal. I won't hurt her if you just do my demands. And they're simple demands, not crazy stupid ones.

'''Julie:''' Chris, please.

'''Clyde:''' What's that Julie? You want him to do it?

'''Julie:''' I just want you to leave me alone Clyde!

'''Clyde:''' I will! If Chris does what I ask.

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will see- I will look into getting a more updated diag- analysis of my autism.

'''Clyde:''' Chris, that means that I think you're gonna be lying again. And you know how much I hate lies.

'''Chris:''' Clyde, I tell you nothing but the truth.

'''Clyde:''' You have been lying this whole time.

'''Chris:''' Well, as far as my autism goes, we shall soon see. I will find somebody to test me, and we will soon see what it says on the paper.

'''Clyde:''' Okay. Look it up on Wikipedia. High-functioning autism, right now. I want you to look that up. Alright?

'''Chris:''' Fair enough.

'''Clyde:''' See the part were it says “Classification”? It's not a recognized diagnosis.

[''annoying loud clattering as Chris types'']

'''Chris:''' I'm typing it.

'''Clyde:''' -As said in the 1980s as a crazy voodoo economics blah blah blah. Okay? You get a real diagnosis. This to why. This it doesn't exist anymore, today's society.

'''Chris:''' Hmm, say that again?

'''Clyde:''' Read the part where it says classification. Read it. Read it to me. If you can read.

'''Chris:''' It says here it's not a recognized diagnosis in the DSM, oh, Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

'''Clyde:''' Exactly! It's not recognized.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Clyde:''' So do you know what that means Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''brief pause''] Give me a moment and I will answer that question. I wish to read further in this document.

'''Clyde:''' It's a simple sentence with simple comprehension! It's not a- it's not a recognized diagnosis. So what does that mean? That they diagnosed you with something that doesn't exist!

[''All quiet on the Weston front. Finally Chris speaks.'']

'''Chris:''' Alright. From this, from the one sentence, in this said I was never with a mental block.

'''Clyde:''' Exactly. You never had a mental block.

'''Chris:''' Fine. I agree.

'''Clyde:''' Now why do you blame everything on your autism when you don't have it? What was really stopping you Chris?

[''Very long pause, approximately fifty seconds. Occasional typing in the background.'']

'''Clyde:''' Maybe you should... make a video... to your so-called fans. Maybe that'll help you stop me. You think that'll stop me? No, it won't.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. A'right, so what- so to answer your question... the only thing that was stopping- the only thing that was stopping me from... this, was... because I was- I was- I was less able to... interpret non-verbal cues.

'''Clyde:''' W-W-What are you talking about. Look, I mean, come on man- you're 26 years old, you live with your parents, and now you don't have this mental block- what are you gonna blame it on? You can't get it- you don't have a job, I-I-even if you were given all the money in the world, you wouldn't be able to figure out how to rent an apartment. You wouldn't even know how to cook, you don't know how to clean, you are a pathetic excuse for a man.

=== 02:03:09 Chris is Educated On Cooking, Living in Filth ===

'''Chris:''' Sir! I will have you know that in high school I took two home economics classes, so I am very well educated- so I am educated on cooking. And, I have been cleaning... a whole bunch of [[chandler cats|cat poo]]. As well as some cat pee. And recently, when I overflowed a commode I had to clean some of the wat- a little bit of the water that ha- that was on the floor, with 409 and paper towels. Aaand I am capable-

[''Clyde appears to have some kind of laughter based seizure in the background'']

'''Chris:''' I am capable of loading the washing- the uh, washing machine, with clothes of a white- or a [[niggos|colored]]... and put in some laundry d- and put in some laundry detergent from... a single [[fapcup|cup]]... out of a whole box, close the lid, and start the washing machine. And then transfer everything to the drier... and start the drier. And also I am capable of loading the dishwasher... with the dishes... on the bottom and the cups- and the cups and the mugs on the top rack... putting some powdered detergent in there... and starting the dishwasher. I am also capable of uh... using of a- hand washing the uh dishes, the cloth- the wash- the- the dish cloths and such... I am also capable of uh, taking the garbage bags out of the garbage can... and putting an empty garbage bag into the garbage can... and taking the garbage- taking the garbage bag... taking the bags full of garbage up to the top of the hill, to be burned in the barrel. And also, the cans will be- will be- will be in the c- will be in the bags, and they go to the [[recycling]] facility.

[''Chris seems very impressed with his remarkably mundane list of abilities'']

'''Clyde:''' Congratulations! You can do anything that a normal person can do. I con- [''sound of windows beeping in the background''] -[[Count Graduon|gradulate]] you. [''pause''] Lemme tell you something- you need two classes to tell you how to do that? God- you can't support yourself, you can't- you can't support a family. God you make me so angry.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Tell me, why do I make you angry?

'''Clyde:''' Because you are a pathetic excuse for a man. And I'm trying to protect these women, with, you know, whatever I have to do to get them away from you. That is why Sarah is no longer talking to you. I have convinced her that you are a pathetic excuse for a man, you can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Clyde:''' And so far you haven't proven otherwise- you still live with your parents, you still don't have a job, you failed to go to Nintendo- I mean God, that was a golden opportunity and you failed miserably. So what do you have to say to that.

[''pause'']

==== 02:06:22 Paging Mr Floyd, Your Wall Is Back ====

'''Chris:''' I did not have the money to... make the trip, but-

'''Clyde:''' Because you do not have a job.

'''Chris:''' No, because- no, it was because I was compulsive with spending. And I did not... have enough saved at the moment. But I am s- but I am saving-

'''Clyde:''' How much do you have m- how much money do you have saved at the moment? How much money do you have saved, from what you get from the government. That's it. If you had a job, you would have plenty of money to go. You know that $300 is... barely anything for someone with a job.

'''Chris:''' $300 dollars. You're thinking I get $300 a month...

'''Clyde:''' You would get well more than that if you HAD A JOB! [''Clyde sounds enraged'']

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I got news for you. I heard I'd get $800 a month.

'''Clyde:''' [''Clyde begins to crack''] God you- [''Windows beeping''] get- way more than $800 a month IF YOU HAD A JOOOOB.

[''pause'']
[[Image:wall.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Clyde is arguing against.]]
'''Chris:''' And it increases with every... year... on my birth month.

'''Clyde:''' You do realize that people make thousands more a month, with something called- [''deep intake of breath''] A JOOOOOOB!

'''Chris:''' I am aware of that. But I just do not feel... at the time... that I need to be... in a job, because, I am getting the money from the [[monthly tugboat|social security]]... and my fath- and my father's assured me that it's more than- that it's more than anyone can make... in a jooooob...

'''Clyde:''' Are you- are you- are you an IDIOT!? You could EASILY make more than $800 a month with a JOOOOOB. Look- I'm pretty sure you could make more on minimum wage!

'''Chris:''' Well that's just, pretty much, shows what you know. Have you ever had a job?

'''Clyde:''' Of course. I've had [sic] one right now. A driving job. Where I drive people around tonnes of places. Sure, gas is expensive, but I make more than enough. And I love driving, it's my favorite thing- [''Clyde's voice becomes stalkerish''] I love it so much.

'''Chris:''' I mean- lemme- lemme ask. Limo... or taxi?

'''Clyde:''' It's my own, personal, driving business.

'''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.

==== 02:08:44 Chris's Skills ====

'''Clyde:''' You can make your own job. If it's a service people want. Which is more than I can say for [''inaudible''], there's tons of people without cars. And I get get them places. So Chris- what are your skills? What can you do?

[''significant pause'']

'''Chris:''' Actually I'd say basically I'm... [[obesity|all-round]]. But you see, that's a problem- I have too many... skills that I am good at. You might say-

'''Clyde:''' [''Clyde seems naturally incredulous and angry''] If you're so good at them, then get a job in ANY ONE of those skills. C'mon!

'''Chris:''' You might- you might say I'm a jack of all trades... and master of none.

'''Clyde:''' Then get something with minimum wage- c'mon man, that is th- that is the worst excuse I've ever heard. [''Clyde adopts a mocking tone''] I'm too GOOOOD for all these things, I'm not gonna get a job! [''normal voice''] That is the worst excuse I've ever heard.

[''pause, large amount of background noise and static'']

'''Chris:''' I am cap- I am capable... and willing... to get a job... whenever I want to. But I just want to make sure that I have a job where I would feel... most comfortable- most comfortable... with [''Windows beeping''], where I would feel- where I would not feel that I was being... pigeoned-holed for my skills... and that I was making fu- that I was making good use of my uh- skills as well. And-

'''Clyde:''' No you don't.

'''Chris:''' And defin- and also... make enough- make if possible, over a thousand a month.

'''Clyde:''' You could easily make over a thousand a month. I mean, Christ man, you have two degrees in this CAAAAAAAAD thing, right?

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I have earned those, yes. It's-

'''Clyde:''' What have you done with those? What have you DONE.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I have designed the [[CWCville Shopping Mall|CWCville shopping center]].

'''Clyde:''' Show me. Show me this. Show me. I'd love to see it.

'''Chris:''' It would take a whole bunch of scanning.

'''Clyde:''' You've got time. Send it to me. You know my e-mail- you know, GREGG MAYS- with three g's. And what else have you done with your degree?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have put more perspective into my artwork. And my creativity.

'''Clyde:''' What do you get from your artwork? NOTHING. You don't get money from your artwork.

'''Chris:''' Maybe not, but it was uh- but it is- it is something that is capable of... enjoying. At my own personal pace.

====02:11:41 Clyde Loses It ====

'''Clyde:''' No- I am also capable of enjoying blowjobs, okay? But doesn't mean- I CAN'T MAKE MONEY OFF THAT. [''pause, quietly''] In fact that costs me.[''normal''] But ANYWAY. [''dramatic''] What... can you do... that makes... MONEY. You are a PARASITE on America's teat [''inaudible'']. You just LEACH off the government, getting money that- those who- money just because you're autistic- WHICH YOU ARE NOT. You're just leaching off the government. [''pause''] People with actual jobs support your lazy arse.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I am capable of... standing up... and supporting myself, wh- when I am... when I am ready to. But I like to feel like I-

'''Clyde:''' [''exploding''] You're 26 years old, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT READY?!

'''Chris:''' I like to feel like I have a woman by- by my side to help me make sound decisions. [''digital sound in the background''] At the right time.

'''Clyde:''' Spoiler alert: you're never going to get a woman. [''pause''] You know what? You wouldn't even like it-

'''Julie:''' Yes he will! Me!

'''Clyde:''' Be quiet. I'm talking, Julie. I'm trying to tell you-

'''Julie:''' No!

'''Clyde:''' -how pathetic he is, you need to see what this man-

'''Julie:''' No! No!

'''Clyde:''' -is the worst mistake of your life!

'''Julie:''' You're a jerk!

'''Clyde:''' No- no. I'm trying to help him. You know my cousin [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]? She's been trying to help this fool... and guess what? Nothing has worked. [''Clyde stammers uncontrollably''] -get actual help. What have you done, Chris- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I... am seeing my pastoral counselor. [[Rocky Shoemaker]]... on a weekly basis.

'''Clyde:''' And how has she helped your life?

'''Chris:''' She is helping me grab a more s- stable, s-sense in my mind, and capable of uh understanding... [''another, identical digital sound''] p-pieces of my... pieces... around here and there.

'''Clyde:''' That doesn't make SENSE! See an ACTUAL psychologist.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well. She may- she is- she may not have a degree in psychology, but I feel that her work is greatly... greater that w-w-w-wait a minute, lemme rephrase that. [''muttering''] Gimme a moment... [''sharp intake of air, normal voice''] She is... wonderful. And... certainly more than any... $25 an hour-per-visit psychologist can do. And I have seen a $25 dollar an hour psychiatrist... Dr Price. I forgot his first name.

[''Chris confuses a psychologist, someone who simply counsels their patient, with a psychiatrist; someone who can provide the aforementioned council but may also prescribe powerful anti-psychotic and anti-convulsive medication. Reference: http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/f/psychologist.htm . It's interesting to wonder which one he actually saw, especially since the name of the doctor on his [[autism papers]] isn't Price, it's probably not the same doctor. As for the first name of the doctor who treated him, all signs point to [http://www.vitals.com/doctors/Dr_Douglas_B_Price.html Douglas].'']

'''Clyde:''' And what did this... Price guy... do?

'''Chris:''' When I was... when I was required by [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]... or more specifically, the real life [[Mary Lee Walsh]]... to uh, see Dr Price... he helped me sort out some [[chris and anger|anger management]] i- sort out some anger management issues I had... at that time. And also allowed me to- and also helped me... in... putting my sweetheart search in perspective. And how to improve on that... and I think uh, that from his help I was able to uh... more comfort- more comfortably at my own pace actually make some good- make a good- good number of gal-pals and then find uh, and then eventually find one that uh, would be my true sweetheart.

'''Julie:''' And it'll be me, Clyde. Don't you think otherwise you jerk!

[''pause'']

==== 02:15:34 Clyde Can't Beat The Wall ====

'''Clyde:''' [''stress sigh''] Uhgh... I've got nothing. I- I can't even begin to describe how pathetic you are.

'''Chris:''' You see-

'''Julie:''' He's rubber you're glue, everything you say bounces offa him and sticks to you.

'''Clyde:''' Chris used that insult a while ago. That- insults do nothing. I'm citing some real life things I know about Chris, and I'm using it against him, I mean- you say that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] is full of lies but every single thing on it is true. I know the people there. I know who [[Blanca]] is. [''whisper''] I know all these people. [''normal''] Yet you seem... urgh. You think that ED twists your words around- they're YOUR WORDS. People are just interpreting as such.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] Exactly. MIS-interpreting them.

==== 02:16:27 Chris Doesn't Know Why Megan Left ====

'''Clyde:''' They are YOUR WORDS. I mean, why do you think [[Megan]] left? Why do you think Megan left.

[''long pause'']
[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|Some of Chris's tender honesty.]]
'''Chris:''' I CAN answer that... and I am just try- and I am trying to think- and I am thinking... of a good way... to phrase it. In my own a- in my own honest and [[Chris and his ego|humble]] opinion. [''long pause''] Simply put I was... very- I was... emotional. And I tried to outreach- I tried to reach out for her in an emotional sense... with... tender- with [[Rape|tender honesty]]... and uh... a gentle... hand on the shoulder... apparently I got to close. And she felt uncomfortable, and she just forced me away.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious''] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|YOU DREW A PICTURE OF YOU HAVING SEX WITH HER.]] What is wrong with you!

'''Chris:''' That was... after the ED page, and I did that in protest against it.

'''Clyde:''' [''angry''] That doesn't even make sense! You drew that out of your... God, I don't even know- wanna think... sexual deviant. That is why Megan left you, because you are way too fucking creepy for her. She put up with you for [[Megan Saga|two years]] while you touched her and... GOD, I don't wanna think about it. So for two years she put up with you. And what do you do? You draw a picture of you having sex with her.

'''Chris:''' For your information, it's hard to tell, because... I had her- I had her eyes... censored. Just like you would see on any television... program. Of-

'''Clyde:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' -that sort.

[[Image:crumple-lope.jpg|thumb|right|The Crumple-lope, or as the State of Virginia will one day refer to it as, 'Exhibit A'. This is where the remains of Chris's horrible drawing presumably lie.]]
'''Clyde:''' You... told her. That it was her. She knew that it was you. It's just between you, and Megan- it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, that ED, no trolls, [''inaudible''] -have lost, whatever. It's between you and Megan. You screwed it up. You're the only one to blame.

'''Chris:''' Yes. I made the mistake. [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|I do not deny it]]. And I blame myself for uh, having drawn that picture. In fact... I have actually done it up into bits and pieces, and I have the pieces tucked away in a crumple-lope [''sic. Presumably he means envelope.'']. That one drawing.

'''Clyde:''' You know what? That's an improvement. That is something of an improvement. But that still doesn't make up for everything else you've done.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh''] I will not-

'''Clyde:''' Lemme tell you something. Why do you hate [[homos|gay people?]] You know [''voice goes to a whisper''] [[Vivian Gee|my cousin]] is the biggest... lesbian. [''normal voice''] So why do you hate them?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' That is... I just do. I have had the bad experiences, against... I forget his last name at the moment. But- he was the Principal at- Oh yes. Doctor Johnson of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary.]] The principal. He was a h- he was uh, the homo... that pretty much set me against... the homos and further kept me on the [[homo#fear of becoming a homo|straight path]]. And plus, if I was ever a ho- if I was ever- if I ever, if I were ever... had any attractions to the men, then I would be uh- more inclined to associate with them, but I have rarely associated with a man. I've felt more comfortable with the women. And-

[[File:Asperchu Principal Parody.JPG|thumb|right|After Chris told [[Alec]] about Principal Johnson, it was parodied in [[Asperchu]].]]

[''Clyde talks over Chris'']

'''Clyde:''' Chris, that is a lie. That is a lie.

==== 02:20:15 Chris Stacks Lies On Lies ====

'''Chris:''' I've felt more attracted... to...

'''Clyde:''' Chris, did you watch the Super Bowl?

'''Chris:''' I did not watch the Super Bowl.

'''Clyde:''' With your male friends- COME ON. Just because they're your friends doesn't mean it has to be GAY.

'''Chris:''' I guess-

'''Clyde:''' Just because one. Bad. Person. Just ruined it, doesn't mean every single person is bad. Just like Mary Lee Walsh is a terrible woman doesn't mean all women are bad, right?

'''Chris:''' I guess... [''pause''] Yes. I agree with you with that statement.

'''Clyde:''' [''annoyed''] So why do you hate them so much?

'''Chris:''' I never really said... that I hated them. That is another misinterpretation-

'''Clyde:''' [''explodes''] YES YOU DID, [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|YOU SAID IT IN YOUR VIDEOS]], DON'T LIE TO ME! ...lies.

'''Chris:''' Okay well, okay, I was misunderstood. I may have chosen a wrong choice of words.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious, quoting Chris''] ''I HATE THEM''. HOW... ELSE...! HOW CAN YOU MIS- DAAAAAAGOD! That is just BLATANT HATRED. That is just blatant hatred.

'''Chris:''' It was obviou-

'''Clyde:''' Then why did you-

'''Chris:''' It was obviously misplaced rage.

'''Clyde:''' For a thing that happened to you years ago.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Clyde:''' You can't blame- you blame that principle all you want, I agree with you on that. If they feed you something terrible, then that's fine. But way you can hate EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

'''Chris:''' You are right! I do not hate every single... person. I mean, I will respect... and only respect... my fellow maaan. And, pretty much acquaint to [''sic'']... only friends- only friends with a man. I am willing to associate... with my- with my fellow man. [''pause''] But fo- but fortunately God has blessed me with a majority of [[Gal-pals|female friends]], to show me that... to show me how to get to [''sic''] more in touch with my emotions because... if you- if you notice in the definition of autism, defini- er- er-... [''stress sigh''] We have- we autistics have a lack... in the uh non-verbal... non-verbal communications and misinterpreting them... and with that we are unable-

'''Clyde:''' [''furious again''] I JUST SAID YOU WEREN'T AUTISTIC. You aren't! That is a lie! You're- [''Windows beeping''] blaming autism AGAIN.

'''Chris:''' I am not blaming my autism. I'm just describing... a couple of traits among the autistic people.

'''Clyde:''' Which you aren't. [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah w-w... autistic people also... have the inability-

'''Clyde:''' -which I just said you AREN'T. So why are you bringing it up?

[''The Wall keeps talking, simply ignoring Clyde'']

'''Chris:''' ...the inability to express their emotions... soundly. With- without understanding.

==== 02:23:23 Clyde Demands A Video ====

'''Clyde:''' A'right. Listen to me- I'll give you a two day reprieve. Just make a video to YouTube. Three minutes, [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|proclaiming your love for men. how gay you are]], and I'll give you a three day break. You try to save Julie. Well I guess [''inaudible''] or something. If you don't do it within the next-

'''Julie:''' Wait- wait!

'''Clyde:''' THREE hours... I will- w-well, we'll see Julie's funeral... in a few weeks, then. A'right? You understand me?

'''Julie:''' Oh god-!

'''Chris:''' -you shut up-

'''Julie:''' -oh GOD!

'''Chris:''' Clyde, you shut up. I'm straight.

[''Clyde, Julie and Chris all talk at once; this is all I can make out'']

'''Chris:''' I will never be-

'''Clyde:''' -make a video to YouTube, I will destroy your image.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I think he means it!

[''They stop talking over each other'']

'''Clyde:''' And if you don't do it? I will... I don't wanna kill Julie. Just... maybe just cut off an arm.

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone.

[''Julie begins to cry in the background'']

'''Julie:''' Chris, please, Chris, he knows where I live!

'''Clyde:''' Well-

'''Chris:''' You leave Julie alone. I am straight-

'''Julie:''' He's going to do it! He's going to do it!

'''Chris:''' -and I will never admit the opposite.

'''Clyde:''' So you're not gonna make that video.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Make another reasonable request.

'''Clyde:''' That is a pretty reasonable request. I mean-

'''Chris:''' You're asking me- you're asking me-

'''Clyde:''' -you can always [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|take it back with another video!]]

'''Chris:''' Well I- you are asking me to [[List of Chris's lies|lie]]. Right off the bat, you are asking me to make a false-

'''Julie:''' Chris! You can just remove it after he sees it, can't you? As long as he sees it, you can remove it!

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' I don't wanna lose my arm...!

'''Clyde:''' I'll take off a leg too, how about that?

'''Julie:''' Oh God...! Oh God Chris, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do- I'm scared!

'''Clyde:''' So what's it gonna be... your image, or your woman?

[''long pause, approximately seven seconds'']

==== 02:25:14 What's It Gonna Be? ====

'''Chris:''' My... image. I will... sacrifice that.

[''Chris retardedly misunderstands the question. He was being asked which he would SAVE, not which he would SACRIFICE. Clyde begins to laugh hysterically.'']

'''Clyde:''' So you're gonna- you're going to heeeh... let her lose her aaarm-

'''Chris:''' [''annoyed''] No, I said I would sacrifice-

'''Clyde:''' -oooh what the fuuuuck!

'''Chris:''' [''screaming''] SHUT UP! [''normal''] I'm sacrificing my image.

'''Clyde:''' Ahhh. Okay. I thought you were THAT pathetic, for just a second. But you're a little bit above pathetic. Which I haven't come up for a word for that yet. Okay- three hours. Three minutes. If I don't see it then, I'll make some plans. And I feeear-

'''Chris:''' Charles[''sic?'']- specifically what you want me to say in the video...

'''Clyde:''' You're gay. How much you love men. How loooong you've been closeted... you pretend you have all these gal-pals but they're only to disguise your true nature. You've always been born this way. And it's all you have to say. [''pause''] And you better do it.

'''Chris:''' And I have three hours to come up with a three minute video-

'''Clyde:''' Yes... that's my request.

'''Chris:''' -of that sense. Very well.

'''Clyde:''' Well... I appear that I'm going to be banned from this server soon.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Sorry, can you repeat that?

'''Clyde:''' I'm going to be banned from this server soon. I fear it. Well- tootles. [''inaudible''] -smoke.

==== 02:26:32 Clyde Vanishes In A Puff Of Smoke, Some Dude Appears ====

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Julie I will make the video. I will abide with his request.

'''Julie:''' Chris... I think you might have saved my life. I am eternally grateful.

'''Chris:''' I am willing to sacrifice [''beep''] anything for my woman.

'''Julie:''' If there's anything you want me to do... for you.

'''Dude:''' Is Clyde in here?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' He's gone.

'''Dude:''' Was he in here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dude:''' If he's ever in here again, um- just find me? I-I'm the admin of the server. So I can-

'''Chris:''' Y-Yeah, it's okay this time.

'''Dude:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' He just wants me to lie.

'''Dude:''' Wait, what?

'''Chris:''' He wants me to lie in a video.

'''Dude:''' Lie about what?

'''Chris:''' About my orientation.

'''Dude:''' That's terrible. Why would w-w- don't do it, Chris!

'''Chris:''' I have to.

'''Dude:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' For Julie.

'''Dude:''' That's admirable I guess. I know you're a good person, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I'd rather lose my- I'd rather lose my image than a woman who cares about me very much. [''pause''] And uh, Julie?

==== 02:27:49 Taping His First Time ====

'''Julie:''' Yes?

'''Chris:''' [[For Julie's Eyes Only|We can vi- we can videotape... I would like it if we could videotape our first time together.]]

'''Julie:''' I would like that too, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I'm- I mean like, you know, over a- over my [[PSEye|PlayStation Eye]], and over with uh- with uh- with uh the [[Pickle|worst parts]] cut out, uh- I can upload that and uh... we'll undo that.

'''Dude:''' I'll leave you alone.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. [''More Windows beeping, pause''] Undo the lie I would have to tell.

'''Julie:''' All right- yes. Where would you upload it, exactly? The video of our first time?

'''Chris:''' I would add it to where like uh- I would put it in a good sense where it would stay, where would stay on the YouTube.

[''Transcriber's note: Such a video would almost certainly be immediately removed for Terms of Service violations, not that Chris would ever be concerned about the rules and regulations of the various free services he uses.'']

'''Julie:''' ...okay.

'''Chris:''' Julie?

'''Julie:''' Yes?

'''Chris:''' I love you.

'''Julie:''' I love you too, Chris.

'''Chris:''' And also, inform your [[Max|brother]]. About what I am going to do for you.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' A'right. I'll talk to you later.

'''Julie:''' Okay Chris. Thank you.

[''Presumably, Chris leaves'']

==== 02:29:01 This Was A Triumph! ====

'''BlueSpike:''' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my-]

[The trolls laugh over the top of each other uncontrollably. BlueSpike continues to sing Still Alive, and soon, all of the trolls all join in.]

'''Dude:''' Holy...! Holy shit!

'''Troll:''' Holy fuck!

'''BlueSpike:''' -satisfaction! Aperture Sci-

'''Troll:''' -satisfaction!

'''Troll:''' He he he!

'''BlueSpike:''' -we do what we must, because, we can!

'''Troll:''' Haaaa haaaaa!

'''Troll:''' Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-

'''BlueSpike:''' -For the good of alll of us... for the ones who are dead!-

'''BlueSpike:''' -but there's no crying over every mistake-

'''Troll:''' .....................................every mistake-

'''BlueSpike:''' -you just keep on trying till you run out of-

'''Troll:''' -you just keep on trying till you run out of-

'''Troll:''' -you just keep- ha ha ha ha ha ha... out of-

[Tape runs out]

==Links==
* [https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTF2dkh5dUJIbEk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 4|Mumble Chat 4]]|}}

CWCFlyingElephants

2014-08-30T20:48:10Z

Gines:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|frame|This video, quite clearly indeed, shows Chris's horrendous man-ass.]]
"'''CWCFlyingElephants'''" is a seven-minute video, published by [[The Miscreants]] on 27 [[April 2009]]. Trying to cheer his then-[[sweetheart]] [[Vanessa Hudgens]], it shows [[Chris]] in his room, naked, displaying a show of what he calls [[random-access humor]]. Chris runs, twirls, acts crazy and does handstands while in the [[nudes|nude]]. In addition, he [[parody|imitates]] lines from ''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd, n' Eddy|Ed, Edd, n Eddy]]'', quotes ''[[Monty Python]]'', plays with [[toys]], and throws around [[Li'l Chris]].
==Videos==
===Censored Version===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants Censored
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eKrl7SA0Myo}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
And now for somecummpentydifferent. [''Chris shows off his [[Muscle bra|man-tits]]''] BUUUUNG! And now it's [[Monty Python]]'s flying elephants. Du tu du tu du tu du. Du tu du tu du tu du. Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, [[Gregg Mays|Greeg]], why is people running away. Johan! Johan, why is people running away? I don't know Johan! Greeg! Johan! Johan! Why is people running away? I don't know, buddy Greeg. Johan! Johan, why is people running away? I dont know, Greeg. Johan, Johan, why is people running away? SHUT UP! You're driving me crazy!

AAAAAAAAGH! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! Hm!

[[Star Wars|It's a trap!]] HNNNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! ''[amid the body thrashing and arm flailing, Chris appears to injure himself near the door frame. He bends at the knees in pain before the scene cuts away]''

And now for something completely different, a man impersonating [[South Park|Towelie the Towel.]] Oh my goodness, [[Tomgirl Pictures|my pussy is wet!]] Don't forget to bring a towel! What? When your pussy is wet, and you don't want to lose a bet, you want to dry yourself up right away. That's why Towelie says: don't forget to bring a towel! [[Yawning Squirtle|Wanna get high?]] NOOOOO! NOOO!

[''Gumby voice''] I would like to meet someone of [[Autism|superior intelligence]]. I would like to hear the sound of two bricks being smashed together. I would like to see ten million stupid monkeys. I would like to see [[Chris and religion|John the Baptist]] impersonation of [[Wikipedia:Graham Hill|Graham Hill]]. Yes it's historic impersonations!

Full-frontal nudity. Yes I would do it. If it was valid. If the money was valid. I haven't had enough of the permissive society! I've heard of unisex, but I've never had it. Shut up you're driving me crazy. AAAAAAAAAGH!

I'm a woodpecker! 'Cept with dirt!<ref>Originally said by Ed; originated from [[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd 'n Eddy|Ed, Edd 'n Eddy]] episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/stop-look-ed/episode/123292/summary.html "Stop, Look, Ed"]</ref>

Get out of my head! HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! HNNNNG! HLOO!

And now for something completely different. Bebelapdapbambalamba. Bebelabadapbambajamba-[[Transformers|Bumblebeeee]]! Buzzing around. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Really, [[Transformers|Prowl]]. And how necessary is that side-car. Just so you can wear the helmet of your past mastaaaaaar! Come here. [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]]. Lend me [[Wikipedia:Laserbeak|Laserbeak]]!

DIIII DIIII DIIII DIIII [[CWC More Than A Feeling|More than a feeling-]]

I like a nice dance, you're forced to. Otherwise, who said that? Who said that? Who said that? Anywaaay. Who said that? There will now be a short intermission, during which small ice-creams and large boxes will be served in the commissary. Another way to drive people away from the theater is to show a turfs-dispenser. Fzzzs. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

[[White knight|Pearls before swine]] presents! The like. Do you like this model, or how about this model? I'll give you a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|karate-kick]] for your money. I'll give you a punch, and a whiz-bang, and a boom! All you got to do is come down here.

[''[[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck impression]]''] Oh my gosh, look at me! I'm [[Nudes|naked]]! I forgot my [[Sailor Moon|sailor suit]], and my hat, and [[Duck|apparatus]]. I don't know, but I guess. Here's what I have to do. Here's my clothes. Bwaa. I went out of the cartoon.

Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Excuse me, what did you say? Hmmph, rmmph.

Hey [[South Park|Kenny]], you get out here, you take off that stupid little orange or blue jacket, or whatever the hell color it is you wear, and talk to people like you every real life, don't just mumble your words.

Hey dude, that's not cool.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Mm-hm. [''Imitating [[Wikipedia:King of the Hill|King of the Hill]]'']

[''Drinks soda''] AAAAAAH!

Product placement, eh. Product placement in this program is hereby endorsed and provided by the studio, which is provided from the companies of which those products became, originated from, thereof. Another way we can drive people away from the studio is to act. Like. A. Loony!

[[Random-access humor|I once knew a man from Nantucket, he has on his head, a silly bucket]]. And now I have on my head, a [[Li'l Chris|silly little bear]], I'm wearing [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|clean underwear]]. Wearing clean underwear like I just don't care.

Wow, he just said what I said. I'm undecided!

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNG! HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! PFOOP! ''[Lifts a chair, then lowers it]''

[''Holds a [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|sock puppet]] up''] Hm, I guess he's done left the studio for now. Well, that's all folks.

Du du du du du du du du. Du du du du du du du du. [[Pedofork|Pedi]] pedi di di. Plong.

LILILILILILILILI! PLONK!

Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Moola moola moola. He must be asking for a [[Monthly tugboat|handout]]. Indeed. And now it's the indeed show, starring [[Gilligan's Island|Mr. Thurston Howell III]]. Indeed. Indeed.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Random-access humor]]
*[[Monty Python]]
*[[I Got A Fish]]
*[[Bunny Hop]]
*[[Nudes]]
*[[CWC 3D Voice Check]]
==External links==

* [http://www.slutload.com/video/chrischan-completely-different/L0fBdcFOo0wV/ Watch CWCFlyingElephants]
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Power]]|nextlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-27]]

Julie Reveals Herself

2014-08-18T16:55:47Z

Gines:

In this transcript, '''Julie''' is revealed.

==Description==
After being deceived by [[Max]] earlier in the day, Chris retreated to lick his wounds. However, they would cross paths one last time later that night in this hour-long [[Mumble]] chat, where Max continued his onslaught on the [[Chris|manchild]]. He threatened to sell Chris's [[PSN]] account on [[eBay]] several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] as well as [[ED]]. He also threatened to send Julie back to Europe, forced Chris to declare [[BILLY MAYS]] as the new Mayor of [[CWCville]], and have Chris imprisoned. But the icing on the cake was when Max made Chris destroy his precious [[medallion]] and shove it up his ass. After it was all said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a [[Pickle|little surprise]] for him.

It should be noted that [[Clyde Cash]] and several other [[trolls]] were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, the trolls were disgusted and horrified with BlueSpike's evil requests of Chris. Because of these acts, the following day on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], an explosive troll war took place because of BlueSpike's actions. (See [[BlueSpike|this article]] for more information.)

==Transcript==

===eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)===
'''Max:''' [tape begins with very low quality] Ready? [The sound of the trolls voices can be heard, but very faintly. The audio then becomes more audiable as Max begins his onslaught on Chris.] Christian Chandler, hello!
 '''Chris:''' Hello.
 '''Max:''' Aw, why so down in the dumps?
 '''Chris:''' Come on, you know why.
 '''Max:''' Why? Tell me!
 '''Chris:''' Because you stole my [[PSN]], you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
 '''Max:''' And what did you pick? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' —icked [[Julie]].
 '''Max:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' 'Cause I love her.
 '''Max:''' ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in five seconds: Julie or everything else.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what you say? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba— What you say?
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not going to go back. No.
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Really? You sincerely mean it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, if you don't yell at me one more time, you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your [[fangs]]! [''maniacal laughter''] Are you constipated? [''high-pitched squealing in delight''] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump... Oh, look out, he's reachin' [[Dragonball Z|Super Saiyan]]. You're not mad, you pathetic wimp.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry constipated sound'']
 '''Max:''' You disgust me! Oh, why don't you smack the webcam around some. You're a bitch. You're not going to get my sister that way.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get— You want me to get angry, I got angry.
 '''Max:''' That's not angry, you're a— You're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no.
 '''Max:''' No. It's going on [[eBay]].
 '''Chris:''' No, you leave it off!
 '''Max:''' Yes! eBay!
 '''Chris:''' No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no.
 '''Max:''' [''laughter''] eBay... eBay...
 '''Chris:''' No! No! Stop. Stop it.
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Stop. I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
 '''Chris:''' [''multiple sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Face it, Chris, it's mine.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not— No, no, no. No.
 '''Max:''' No matter how many times you say "no" like that, it's not going to change it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Say "buhbuhbyenoes".
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, repeat that?
 '''Max:''' Say that "I'm a [[Homos|homo]]."
 '''Chris:''' [''grudgingly and incoherently''] Ermnahomo...
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
 '''Chris:''' [''muffled''] Ermahomo...
 '''Max:''' Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
 '''Chris:''' I'm a hommomu—
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Eithe— Then say it louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''screams''] I AM A HOMO!!!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no!
 '''Max:''' [''mockingly''] No, that's not okay, Mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
 '''Chris:''' No. You have got— No, no, no! No, don't you dare!
 '''Max:''' Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind.
 '''Chris:''' ...rrRRRRAAGHHH YOU FUCKING SUCK SO HARD!!!
 '''Max:''' And you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong. Prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry muffled noise'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, I'm making the manchild— Are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna— You're, you're just— You just really are dumb. It-it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No! No! No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' You leave it off of eBay.
 '''Max:''' eBay! Yes, yes.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' STOOOOOP!!!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
 '''Chris:''' Stop it, I dunno. Look, look, look—
 '''Max:''' Alright, listen, listen. Look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You're not putting it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your [[fangs]]?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Stop.
 '''Max:''' No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. eBay. Look, eBay. [''keys clicking''] eBay.com.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Stop!
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop! What do you want?
 '''Max:''' I want to sell your PSN on the—
 '''Chris:''' [''pitch rising, he's getting desperate''] [[Chris and negotiation|I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme— Gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it—]]
 '''Max:''' No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN if you pick Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Look, please. Alright, fine, listen, listen—
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop, stop, just listen to me, please.
 '''Max:''' Umm, how should I label this? Oh! A thousand dollars worth of PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Stop! Stop!
 '''Max:''' Hacked by Max Milvana.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop.
 '''Max:''' Starting bid... A hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
 '''Max:''' I can have it?
 '''Chris:''' But just— But just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Okay!
 '''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just— Just leave it off eBay, please!
 '''Max:''' It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause, sigh''] Yes, but please, just don't sell it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why.
 '''Chris:''' Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
 '''Max:''' I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
 '''Chris:''' How many gigabytes does your [[PlayStation 3]] have?
 '''Max:''' What? I think it's like an eighty-gigabyte; i-it came with ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'', so...
 '''Chris:''' [''self-satisfied sigh''] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than eighty gigabytes, [[Wikipedia:King of the Hill|I'll tell you what]].
 '''Max:''' Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff?
 '''Max:''' Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Let's see... I think I might have a friend in [[Wikipedia:New Brunswick|New Brunswick]] that wants this, I don't know.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No.
 '''Max:''' Where's my phone? Oh, here it is. [''dials'']
 '''Chris:''' Listen, listen. You— You— You keep my account, okay? You keep my account and—
 '''Max:''' And I'll put it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' —leave it alone. No.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]]. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake, and he's going to defile your name.
 '''Chris:''' No, leave it off. No, no. No!
 '''Max:''' I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] I'm going to give it to [[4-cent_garbage]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that— They're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, stop, stop.
 '''Max:''' Donation: $1,000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
 '''Chris:''' [''getting louder and whinier''] No, just stop, just stooooop!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, why don't you yell some louder. Why don't you yell— Why don't you wake the dead with your howl, like... Come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 '''Max:''' You— You yell like a pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, yell louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 '''Max:''' Uh-oh. I won't like you when you're mad. Oh wait, I do, because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
 '''Chris:''' Alright...
 '''Max:''' Suck my dick.
 '''Chris:''' How can I do you— How can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
 '''Max:''' I'll go all the way to [[Virginia]]. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to [[The GAMe PLACe]], apologize to [[Michael Snyder|the manager]], and suck HIS [[Pickle|dick]]. And I want you to record it and put it on [[YouTube]].
 '''Chris:''' Aaaaah... Please, don't be— Don't be such a meanie.
 '''Max:''' Oh, "meanie"? Fuck you! Suck your manager's dick.
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, listen, alright? Listen, just listen.
 '''Max:''' Listen to what?
 '''Chris:''' Max— Max, you are a great being. You are— You're a humble person. Please, I'm only a lowly— I'm only a lowly servant among your trestles.
 '''Max:''' [''disbelieving''] Wha... Uh...
 '''Chris:''' I only ask you— I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
 '''Max:''' Sh-shut up! You can have— You can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
 '''Chris:''' But listen, I—
 '''Max:''' No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, stop. Look, I'm putting myself— I'm putting yourself on your mercy here. Please, just leave my— Just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance, you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance, you fucking monkey! [''squeaks/laughs''] Alright, you— Stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like [[Chris and death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|Michael Jackson]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes panting sounds, presumably dancing'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Oh, what the fuck? Oh, don't! No, don't! Oh, no more! No more. When you grabbed your crotch, that was enough. Hey, Chris, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, thousand-dollar-worth PSN account hacked... I'm going to start the bid at five hundred dollars.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] You win. Win. I give up.
 '''Max:''' What? I win? It's mine?.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please?
 '''Max:''' It's gone.
 '''Chris:''' Look, you can have it, you can—
 '''Max:''' I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with the cat crap you slip on. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Chris holds Max at Duckpoint (11:16-14:00)===
'''Max:''' What are you going to do? Mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man, you fucking pussy? Come on. No, no. "But" nothing, you're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No...
 '''Max:''' No, sit right there, like a bitch. You stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there. You ''are'' a bitch. You've got a big old set of...ovaries... NO!!! NO, NO!!! DON'T!!! OK. OK. OK. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you [[Pedofork|pedo...fork]]. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal, indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actu—
 '''Max:''' Don't...
 '''Chris:''' —nothing was actually exposed.
 '''Max:''' Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just— Just don't.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' That's where I cross the line.
 '''Chris:''' Fine. That's wh— Selling— Selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line.
 '''Max:''' Well, its going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line...
 '''Max:''' No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it anymore, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick, I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woo-hoo!
 '''Chris:''' Look, okay— No, listen, stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You take it off of eBay and I'll pull my pants back up—
 '''Max:''' No. It's— It's already on eBay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute. There's something behind you. Move so that I can see behind you... Oh! That's the cup from [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What is it then?
 '''Chris:''' It's the— It's a [[McDonald's]] tea cup!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some man-tits going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for one dollar.
 '''Chris:''' Wait. What?
 '''Max:''' And if you fucking start with me one more time, it's going on eBay for a dollar.

===Dance like a Gay Man (14:00-15:38)===
'''Max:''' Hey, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' I actually... I'm not going to send Julie over there anyway. I'm not going to help her to see you.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. You stop. Y-y-y— We had an agreement. I picked Julie!
 '''Max:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping.
 '''Chris:''' No! You— You help her over here...
 '''Max:''' [''drowning out Chris''] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can positively disgust you?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, which you already do, so...
 '''Chris:''' Look, please, I'm— I'm begging, I'm begging you— I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please—
 '''Max:''' No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' How about, Chris—
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself— I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' I can't even see you.
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' ...Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance for my amusement. Dance like a gay man.
 '''Chris:''' [''makes shuffling sounds'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like... Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]].

===Medallion or PSN? (15:38-18:14)===
'''Max:''' Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your [[medallion]]?
 '''Chris:''' [''exasperated sigh''] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it.
 '''Max:''' Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or— No, no, no. I'm not going to give you that... Uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
 '''Chris:''' I might—
 '''Max:''' You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' What about Julie?
 '''Max:''' You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN. Then you won't get Julie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, I'm getting it.
 '''Max:''' Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you, shithead, I'm not.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here...
 '''Max:''' Oh, oh! And one— One more thing? Hey, Chris, I want— I want you to [[Semen|jizz]] on it before you burn it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Jizz?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and— Oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that [[BILLY MAYS]] is the Mayor of [[CWCville]]. Say it. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, what does "jizz" mean?
 '''Max:''' Oh, "what does 'jizz' mean?" I'm telling you to [[mass debate]] on it, you stupid dick.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly— Really quickly, Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. Can you do this? Say that BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it loud.
 '''Chris:''' BILLY MAYS?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, BILLY MAYS. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Who the hell is he?
 '''Max:''' BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN!
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can.
 '''Chris:''' [''more silence'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, autism mental block. What— What the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides, soldier.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I don't want my PSN anymore. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care.
 '''Max:''' Alright, I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' Go ahead.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)===
'''Max:''' Chris. Do what I want or I'm not going to send Julie over there, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' That's a good boy.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're sending Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. If you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs: "BILLY MAYS is the new Mayor of CWCville!" Come on. Do it!
 '''Chris:''' [''in a droning voice''] BILLY MAYS is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Louder, you fucking pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''slightly louder''] BILLY MAYS is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Stop saying it in your fucking...dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighs, raises his voice''] BILLY MAYS IS the new Mayor of CWCville!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail! CWCville Jail."
 '''Chris:''' And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.
 '''Max:''' "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.
 '''Chris:''' Where he will be raped by a bunch of...[[Niggos|niggos]].
 '''Max:''' [''giggling''] No, say "niggers", you stupid twat.
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Niggers.]]
 '''Max:''' Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''loudly''] Niggerrrrs.
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [[The Boondocks|Don't... Don't trust them new niggers over there!]]
 '''Max:''' No! No, shut up. You ruined that...fucking joke. Now, Chris, I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it... No, no, no, no, no. [[Mass debate]] on it first, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''voice shaking''] I'd rather just burn it, please...
 '''Max:''' No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of [[stress]]!
 '''Max:''' Well, I know— I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|think of men's dicks]], that'll probably help.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Just the opposite!
 '''Max:''' Oh yeah, uh— Yeah, men's balls. Sorry, men's balls.
 '''Chris:''' That's not the opposite, I— That's not the opposite, too.
 '''Max:''' You're right. Men's butts.
 '''Chris:''' [''enraged''] THAT IS EVEN WORSE!!!
 '''Max:''' Oh, you're right. Men's faces.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry growling noises'']
 '''Max:''' Those [[The Creepy Stare|persuasive eyes]], they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming''] THEY ARE NOT— YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD!!! I HAVE TO PICTURE A WOMAN!!!
 '''Max:''' You're gonna stick it in your— You're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt! Oh, oh! What, what, in the butt?!

===Losing the Plot (20:40-22:03)===
'''Max:''' Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there, where I can see it.
 '''Chris:''' [''pissed off''] I gotta get a match or something.
 '''Max:''' Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. [''screaming''] I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!! Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. [''pause''] How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? [''long pause''] Hey, Chris? [''still silence''] Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt: make your choice. [''silence''] Ah, interrogating [[Autism|autistics]], it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. [''long pause''] Christian, if you don't answer me within the next five seconds, I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Alright there, I guess— Hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me.
 '''Max:''' [''the worst girl voice ever''] Oh no!
 '''Max:''' Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic, before I bust a fucking cap...or something. [[Jerk]]. I mean, you are a jerk.
 '''Chris:''' [''rustling'']

===Wut Wut? (22:03-35:20)===
'''Max:''' Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have five seconds before I fucking send my, uh— You have five seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe... 5... 4... 3-2-1— Oh, too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me, Chris, I have to tell you one thing first. You have an alternative. Are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Now, you have an alternative: either burn it ''or'' shove it up your butt. [''mocking''] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do?
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' You're gonna... You're going to shove it up your butt?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other.
 '''Max:''' No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it.
 '''Chris:''' You're going to see this.
 '''Max:''' What are you going to show me? What the— What are you going to show me? No, no, no, no. If you burn it, I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it, I'll send Julie back to Europe... Don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' Alright, shove it up your—
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to shove it up my butt... But I have to divide it.
 '''Max:''' No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
 '''Chris:''' You want me to shove it up my butt, the whole thing?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and don't— And don't take it out, just shove it up until... Do it in a video.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rustling'']
 '''Max:''' And make sure you take pictures!
 '''Chris:''' [''more rustling'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, get this! [''laughing'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing'']
 '''Max:''' Actually, Chris— Chris, no, no, no. I decided— Yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky. You have to cut it up first. So yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Uhhh—
 '''Max:''' No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Just let me cut it.
 '''Max:''' Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting...
 '''Max:''' [''slips into his Massachusetts accent''] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Terrible.
 '''Max:''' How does it feel?
 '''Chris:''' Harsh. Cold.
 '''Max:''' [''mocking''] "Cold."
 '''Chris:''' Heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, ''me''? ''I'm'' heartless?
 '''Chris:''' No. This act, I'm calling it heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' While you're thinking, this will help. Call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can.
 '''Chris:''' You fucking douchebag!
 '''Max:''' You suck. You suck...nigger dicks. I have a nigger, you know. I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Alright, so you said "yes". I'll call him. Hey, Darnell. Darnell, come over here.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said no!
 '''Max:''' This guy wants to suck your dick!
 '''Chris:''' I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' Well, I think Darnell is too, umm— I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to.
 '''Chris:''' I said— I said— I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' No you didn't, I— I heard yes. Darnell— Darnell, I think he said "yes". He said "yes", Darnell. Yes.
 '''Chris:''' I said no! I said no!
 '''Max:''' Um, fine, shit all over your butt. Whatever. Darnell's going to watch, though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing, grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this. Also, while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No, this is bad enough.
 '''Max:''' Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No problem, I've got the camera on.
 '''Max:''' So wait, you're recording this, too?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Oh, God! You're recording it AND you're showing it live? Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on [[Skype]].
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Wait, are you recording it right now?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' OK, so, yeah, we saw you cu— The camera saw you cutting?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Alright, that's...wonderful. [''laughs''] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt. Can you say one thing?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, system beep''] Can I talk to Julie?
 '''Max:''' After you do this, yes.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my rump?
 '''Max:''' Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass."
 '''Chris:''' Up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!", okay? You have to do this, or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there, and while you do it, say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''singing''] I see a [''unintelligible''] of a man. It's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [''laughing''] Come on, hurry up. Oh, God, it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, goddammit. Oh, goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
 '''Chris:''' ...Maybe.
 '''Max:''' No, no, really? Tell me the— Tell me the truth. Did you?
 '''Chris:''' [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Yeah.]]
 '''Max:''' Whatever, just— Just— Yeah, just— Put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just—
Just— Just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long, please. [''laughing''] [[Family Guy|Insert Rod A into Slot B.]] Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [''laughing''] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up. Shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE!!! Yes, yes. Please! Please, do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!?
 '''Chris:''' [''groan''] I'm tired.
 '''Max:''' No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out.
 '''Chris:''' [''uncomfortable groaning'']
 '''Max:''' How does this make you feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''grunt''] Miserable.
 '''Max:''' How miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Totally miserable.
 '''Max:''' Oh, really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Well, that's too bad!
 '''Chris:''' [''grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, you sound like [[Wikipedia:Chewbacca|Chewbacca]]'s taking a shit. [''does a Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Chris:''' [''does his own Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, no. Just— Just— Just shut up. Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I stop what?
 '''Max:''' I said shut up. Don't— Don't even ruin Chewbacca.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You miserable pile of dick. Err! Oh, God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor [[Sonichu]] is going to look like Brownichu.
 '''Troll:''' BLUESPIKE!!! NO. MORE.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Brown-Stain Sonichu, with the power to cha—
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking groaning''] Keep going.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Troll 2:''' BlueSpike, stop that shit.
 '''Troll 3:''' This is awful.
 '''Max:''' [''background noise of small dog barking and door shutting'']
 '''Chris:''' [''groaning''] It don't wanna go in.
 '''Max:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' It don't wanna go in. In there.
 '''Max:''' Then keep trying. Make some room in there.
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, stop this shit.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful grunt'']
 '''Troll:''' Stop it. Really.
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine. Stop.
 '''Chris:''' Stop?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Don't take 'em out, though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright.
 '''Max:''' Now pull your pants up.
 '''Chris:''' One second.
 '''Troll:''' Blue, let him...
 '''Max:''' Yo, Chris, this is what I strive for. Watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing, now that I've seen it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' Blue, tell him he can take it out.
 '''Troll:''' Goddammit, BlueSpike. God ''damn''.
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Be right back. Excuse me.
 '''Max:''' Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man?
 '''Chris:''' I just want to wash my hands!
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. You can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands, I will not send Julie to Europe.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You cannot wash your hands.
 '''Chris:''' I can go wash my hands?
 '''Max:''' No, no, I said don't! Don't!
 '''Chris:''' Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

===Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)===
'''Max:''' How does it feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Terrible.
 '''Max:''' Really? How terrible?
 '''Chris:''' Ass-stinkingly terrible.
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
 '''Chris:''' No, this is enough.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no. You're not the one making the choices.
 '''Chris:''' [''long sigh''] Enough.
 '''Max:''' Chris, how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm...
 '''Chris:''' Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots, you fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do? What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do?
 '''Chris:''' What do ''I'' want to do?
 '''Max:''' Yeah— No, no, no. I mean, what ''could'' you do that might amuse me?
 '''Chris:''' What could I do that might amuse you...?
 '''Max:''' I have a good idea, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I just thought of something.
 '''Max:''' No, no. I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Well, I don't— I told you, I can't— I could not find any matches at this time.
 '''Max:''' No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the— Go to the store and get some matches then.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [''sings''] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—"
 '''Max:''' No! Shut up, just shut up, just shut the fuck up! [''laughs''] Shut the fuck up! Shut the FUCK up! I have a good idea: burn your house down.
 '''Troll:''' Goddammit, you idiot!
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not going to burn my house down.
 '''Max:''' Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming.
 '''Chris:''' I just want Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] If I burn my house down, then we— Then she won't have a place to come ''to''.
 '''Max:''' You have a point, you have a point. Chris, there is something— There is something...
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike. Stop it.

===Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)===
'''Max:''' Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the [[Mumble]]. Julie's going to talk to you there, it's important.
 '''Troll:''' Ten points.
 '''Troll:''' Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
 '''Troll:''' Augh, BlueSpike...
 '''Chris:''' No, unfortunately I cannot—
 '''Max:''' No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there!
 '''Chris:''' I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it—
 '''Max:''' Then use the PSEye, that's the only chance you have.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not— I'm gonna tell Julie. I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure it's you.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Fine.
 '''Max:''' Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the [[Wikipedia:PlayStation Eye|PSEye]], get the PSEye...
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, hang on.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna kick you in the PSEye if you don't shut up.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' You better, or I'm gonna have to drop your ass.
 '''Chris:''' No. Just...sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSEye. Alright?
 '''Max:''' Fine. Yes. And make sure that it works before you come in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' If I may say one thing, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm just trying to find— I'm just trying to...do a— I've just proven I can do most anything for my true love.
 '''Max:''' Alright, then, get in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm gettin'— Alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here.
 '''Max:''' Gonna kick you in the twist-tie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, then long silence''] Working on this.
 '''Max:''' What's on the [[TV]], Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I've just turned it on to the [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]], whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it, anyway. Alright, I'm tryin' for you— Tryin' to make this work. [''heavy sigh, then more silence''] Walter Grisby, do... I'm testing— I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in.
 '''Max:''' Does it work?
 '''Chris:''' [''snippy''] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware. It's waiting to find software for this hardware.
 '''Max:''' Software for the hardware?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. That's what I just said: software for the hardware.
 '''Max:''' Yes...
 '''Chris:''' The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software.
 '''Max:''' And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work: the ''Hey You, Pikachu!'' mike.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Still didn't hear you, what did you say?
 '''Max:''' And you don't have any other microphone that works?
 '''Chris:''' At this time, I do not.
 '''Max:''' You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Chris? Chris!
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' What're you doing, taking a dump?
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] No, I'm trying to turn my chair around so I can turn the volume down on the radio!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] You're so fuckin' whiny!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowned out by Max briefly''] ...behind me! It could— It could fall on to me any second!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I hope it does!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking sigh''] What's wrong now, Chrissy?
 '''Chris:''' [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it!]]
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Let me tell you something, I've still got the— I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts!
 '''Max:''' I wasn't... I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about asking you to burn your [[house]] down. I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' There.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Apology accepted?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes.
 '''Max:''' Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here! I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''sigh''] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad.
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not working fast enough!
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can't help this computer's speed!
 '''Max:''' Do you know how to get the mike working?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get a mike working!
 '''Max:''' I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying?
 '''Chris:''' [''whines''] I'm trying!
 '''Max:''' Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour.
 '''Chris:''' Hold on a second.
 '''Max:''' We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy.
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait...
 '''Max:''' Well, what're you going through? Audio Wizard?
 '''Chris:''' I got something working.
 '''Max:''' What would that be?
 '''Chris:''' A mike.
 '''Max:''' So, it's working?
 '''Chris:''' It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Julie will meet you there. [''suppressed laugh''] Goodbye.

===Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)===
'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, hi, hi. I'm gonna put my earphones on.
 '''Julie:''' Hi.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey!
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie?
 '''Julie:''' There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while...
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Julie:''' Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, yes, uh, go ahead and tell me now.
 '''Julie:''' Do you really wanna know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' [''sigh''] I can't, not right now.
 '''Chris:''' C'mon, please?
 '''Julie:''' No. I can't.
 '''Chris:''' Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you just now.
 '''Julie:''' Why, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart.
 '''Julie:''' Oooh, this is so hard for me to say.
 '''Chris:''' You love me, don't you?
 '''Julie:''' I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't... I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes?
 '''Female Troll:''' Blue, he's not there.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Fuuuuck!
 '''Troll:''' Give him some time.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Yeah, I-I came back now, I won— I wonder what happened there.
 '''Julie:''' I don't know, but this is... Can you talk with the [[fans]] for, like, five minutes? And then I'll tell you, please?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, could you...
 '''Julie:''' Actually, no. No, I'm ready to tell you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Julie:''' This whole time, Chris...you've been...
 '''BlueSpike:''' ...having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy, you sick fuck!
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. I'm a thirteen-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to [[Wikipedia:Chris Hansen|Chris Hansen]], you fuckin' [[pedofork]], so you better get the fuck out now—
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:'''—before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Now, wait a minute—
 '''BlueSpike:''' I'd hurry.
 '''Chris:''' I did not— I did not know you were a thirteen-year-old.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Fine, I'll lea—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me, Chris, now— No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait. Now, I'm— Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip. Now, I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] How do you explain...?
 '''BlueSpike:''' There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [''whispers''] She died five years ago. Who have you been talking to? A boy! Tell me, Chris. You know, I... Yes, please do speak.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, what do you want me to tell you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a thirteen-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do.
 '''Chris:''' [''shell-shocked monotone''] I do not.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me?
 '''Chris:''' I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you— If you really want your self-dignity... If you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' So, what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone?
 '''Chris:''' It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh''] Fine, how about this. I take a—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all. Clyde?
 '''Clyde:''' What up?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes... He finally found out he was - I expected a bit more of a shitstorm - that he's been having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy like a sick fuck.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[''mocking kiddie voice''] a [[boyfriend-free girl]]? Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number.
 '''Clyde:''' Hello, hello, Chris. On that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone. We were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But...
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, there is.
 '''BlueSpike:''' There ''was'', but she died.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, we'll have to go with the "died" part, she's real— She actually is in Ohio, but...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Let me tell you something, Chris. About the wildfires I told you about, I truly was the one who started them.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay. Now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing...
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, this is going kinda crazy. I mean, you sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that...
 '''Chris:''' I thought— I thought she— I thought...
 '''BlueSpike:''' How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' You just sound— I know what a woman sounds like! [''explosion of disbelief from all listeners'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, no, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up and let me talk to him. Shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want? Do you want your PSN back?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, c'mon, please?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, it's gonna be sold.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay. I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your [[PS3]]. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow, but it was all fake. It was all, all fake.
 '''Clyde:''' I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris...
 '''Clyde:''' [''talking over BlueSpike''] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker Shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole Internet life has been a lie. There are no ''Sonichu'' fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen?
 '''Chris:''' I'm listening.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me...
 '''Clyde:''' Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times. What is this, the ninth time so far?
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think it's the tenth, actually.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [''chorus of "JULAAY" from the trolls'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie. You disgust me...
 '''Clyde:''' And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty sad.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. "Gimme back my account, you fucking dick!"
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, you can appeal to your— What's left of your fans, at least...
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not crying!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you are, you pathetic fuck.
 '''Chris:''' I am not!
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike. You're a little too mean... Well, whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You're right. If I may inform you, Chris. I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase?
 '''Clyde:''' That is true, but there's also... Oh, yeah, that's hilarious! [[Anna]], by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it...
 '''Clyde:''' You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times... And you still believed...
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''mocking''] "I believe you, because I've heard your [[honest]] and true voice!"
 '''Chris:''' [''Sigh''] Goodbye.
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think we hurt him pretty bad.
 '''Troll:''' Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I...stop the recording now?
 [''Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem|''Duke Nukem'']] meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".'']
 '''Female Troll:''' Stop, stop, stop, stop... Can I stop recording?
 [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?75fhxy3n9yc1662 MP3 of the audio.]
*[http://db.tt/iDXSR3LV Mirror of MP3]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq9Lepe1xjs Youtube upload]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]][[Category: Julie Saga]]