CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris's birthday

2015-01-26T18:27:15Z

Gofast:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his Ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children—composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no booze, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]—Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===26th===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PS Vita]] and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing title).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===31st===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting [[troll]]ing".

===32nd===
Chris was not in [[14 Branchland Court]] after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery demise]].

===33rd===
It's very possible Chris will be spending his birthday in jail this year, due to the events of [[December 2014]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homos|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Chris's birthday

2015-01-26T18:25:37Z

Gofast: /* 33rd */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children—composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no booze, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]—Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===26th===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PS Vita]] and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing title).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===31st===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting [[troll]]ing".

===32nd===
Chris was not in [[14 Branchland Court]] after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery demise]].

===33rd===
It's very possible Chris will be spending his birthday in jail this year, due to the events of [[December 2014]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homos|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]